Cats with plans, visiting pony princesses, and a phobic politician. How could that possibly go wrong?
In another world, the cats of Abyssinia developed their country into a proper industrial power. The Princesses of Equestria visit a political purrson who'd rather these ponies stay away from her.
Publishing this here with permission from the proper author, Letrune, who posts the same story on her DeviantArt and considers this a test run of sorts on the story. I helped write and edit it, and acted as a consultant.
The Federation of Felidia (originally the nations of Abyssinia, the citystate of Felidia and the Greatcat Republic) was originally a loose collection of city states that one day, in the distant past, decided to come together. Ever since they started trading with Equestria and the Griffon Kingdom, the nation started to run on a higher industrial output of milk and yarn, and eventually becoming the premier exporter of dairy and scientific curiosities from felines interests in things not known yet, for instance theories on what the moon is made of or where did the idea of cheese came from. They had been a largely unimportant player in the political field, until the Parliament of Claws decided to name one of their best into the rank of Purrmier, a new rank denoting the first citizen, thinking that this would finally put them on the map for anyone not interested in making cookies, sewing or reading a weird theory in a popular magazine’s last few pages. So they chose Letrune Inedil, who was pretty well known for her acting work and being kind of friendly with anyone who knew her. This and name recognition was enough for the first election to choose her over other candidates, launching the former actress into the seat dedicated for the first citizen to represent all feline citizens. This was 7 years ago.
The renamed Federation of Friendly Felines of Felidia had no massive change since adopting their new, friendship-based system. The Friendship University continued to produce curious items and strange ideas, the milk still flowed and got transferred in large cans to anyone who paid for it, and the only change noticeable was the added word of “Friendly” at various buildings. The Ministry of Friendship had been busy publishing the Daily Purr & Friendship magazine, which was full of interesting articles from around the world, and with a page of comics at the end; they also tried to make any visiting tourists remain for anything else than the theatre industry. The Friendship Commune had made milk farms work with a very important 1.351% increase per year and the (Friendly) Parliament of Claws had a yearly Friendship Parade in the main avenue, where they showcased their friendly, happy cats and colourful, shiny carts and rather comfortable trucks for the world. The world still did not really cared about it, and nobody really took their time to visit for anything but watching cute cats performing the comedy Returning home from Far Away Land, or to buy cheap cookies by the bulk and resell it for a higher price tag. Someone had to do something...
“Care for some tea with milk, Princess?” Letrune asked as she poured to Celestia.
“Thank you very much! Fresh from a planned bakery commune.”
“Your nation is really friendly and adorable, Purrmier.”
“Aw, thank you very much! You make me blush...”
Reliven opened the door - the Minister of Friendly Affairs arched his eyebrows on seeing the Purrmier in the dining room, wearing her best gown, while filling tea for a cardboard cutout of Princess Celestia. The 1 meter high, slightly exaggerated picture (no feline would think that her eyes are that big when you got photographs) was leaned against a chair, with a goofy smile drawn on the already smiling face. He rubbed his dark tan arm and softly coughed.
“Ah, um, hi! Something I can help with?” the Purrmier said, pouring milk all over the tableware.
“I thought you had sent the invite to the Princess of Equestria...”
“I did! It went off with the mail, guess theirs is as slow, if not slower, than ours.” the Purrmier replied, as she positioned between Reliven and the fireplace, where a batch of papers were smoldering. “I mean, I am sure they do take naps too and all that.”
Reliven was unsure. He had a really good opinion on the massive increase in quality of life, but he was sure that the foreign affairs didn’t improved at all. Sure, the ministries became bigger and everyone had a better way to travel abroad since they connected a railroad in (as in, had their own, non-compatible railroad with anyone). Most felines got a radio, could often go for a night time stroll, had a well-paying job and could travel abroad. He even felt a bit overwhelmed when she named his niece as Rector at Friendship (formerly Felidia) University, and often showered many important felines with various medals she made up - all of them having names like “High Cross of Friendliness” and “Friendship Medal of Valor”.
“I am unsure if you understand Equestria or their ponies.”
“Ummm, I did read their brochures and all that.”
“...Brochures.”
“And the scientific articles on them too! Did you knew they eat hay?”
“Yes.” there was a short pause while Reliven collected himself. “So, tell me, what is their capital city?”
“...Ponyville?”
“Who you know from their nation? Enough to name three whom are not a leader.”
“Starswirler, Duskdash, and… Twinlight?”
“What are we trading with them?”
“We sell milk and they sell cake.”
“One out of five... “ he sighed. “You know this is a rather bad grade for anyone being a leader?”
“I know… but their names are so confusing! And you know how busy i was with… training myself and the parade and the new factory plan in Tabbytown and the…”
“Let’s face it. You are scared of them.”
“No! I mean… Sort of confused and uneasy but not scared! I just want us have the best possible living.”
“I do agree, but you can not put us on the map if you don’t know the map.”
“Ummm and why me…?”
“....Because the Parliament chose you as Purrmier? It means head of state, representative, first in line when you do meet new people.”
“But I often do!”
“You only attended the ball when the ponies came over to see the first Friendship Parade.”
“I had a horrible case of furball… I could not do more than just poke in and excuse myself!”
“All four days they visited?”
“Mother always said I got a problem with my throat.”
“It was a rather rocky start. Listen… As a friend to a friend, and as your helper, we need to get Princess Celestia to open actual diplomatic relations with us, not just this… Theatrical set you built.”
“But we did become friendlier.”
“I am not denying it. It is just that we doesn’t really have more than sending boxes to each other. We need to be more open… As you said in your last speech.”
She blushed - which meant that her tail idly flung close to her body while she looked around the room, everywhere to avoid eye contact. Reliven sighed.
“Listen… You are scared. That is all right… But you got responsibilities. You do need to step over your fears. Think of it like… Like your first acting. You were afraid?”
“Oh my whiskers I was! First actual proper role… Just ten lines but i felt so worried…”
“Well, politics is alike acting. You play your role and if it goes well, you get a thunderous applause!”
“...And if i fail?” she whispered.
“Pardon?”
“I just… ummm… i agree but can not we get a diplomat do this…?”
“No.”
“Meewww….” She sat down in the chair and Reliven tried his best not to get slightly upset. She seemed to be a bad choice now, sitting over a cup of cold tea, with a cardboard cutout next to her. Letrune felt scared and she felt as if the cardboard Celestia would smile mockingly on her. When Reliven excused himself and left silently, she turned around, and sighed. She repeated in herself that it is just a picture. A toy. Nothing to be scared of…
“This tea was amazing.” she heard her voice, causing her to spin and knock over the flat Celestia.
“Okay… calm down me. Just your imagination…” she thought as she left and gone for her room. Being the Purrmier meant she got an office in the Parliament, with a small napping room. She gone in, locked the door and for lack of an audience, let her acting go and started to throw a tantrum. She groaned into the pillows, threw the stress ball of yarn across the wood-paneled room, kicked it when it bounced back, pounced on the squeaky rubber mouse and hopped on it a bit, then flopped on the pillows and started crying.
She heard the sound of hooves, clanking on the outside floor. Sneaking to the door, she opened it to….
...wake up and feel the sunlight on her right. She fell to a nap… which means the sound of the… THEM was just a dream.
In Equestria, the royal throne room was almost empty. Luna flipped over the Royal Courier, and placed the paper down on the table again.
“It seems the biggest news this week was ‘Ponyville Mayor has new socks’. Do you think it means things are finally at a peaceful time?”
“I think so.” Celestia answered as she got off the throne and started walking off. The audiences were over, and the two royal sisters were finally alone. “You think we deserve a time off of our duties?”
“Certainly so.” Luna smiled.
“...And you have an idea?”
“Applepulco!” Luna shouted with joy, even hopping a little. “I always wanted to just go there, none of those seapony issues, no serpent attacks, and no transdimensional pirates taking over the bar!”
“Well… beach season is still about a month.” Celestia added “What about Abyssinia? Last I heard, they had rebuilt that lovely pastry restaurant. Remember that?”
“That was a loooong time ago. I doubt it even stands after the entire Storm King invasion.”
“If it had not, this new thing they did surely helped.”
“Waaait. You want to have a vacation or a diplomatic event?” Luna’s eyebrows arched up. “Can’t you just stop being a Princess for a week or so, sister?”
“I can, but we should not shirk on our duties.”
“And what else you had in mind, besides that same old?”
“Well, the Catskill Mountains are very lovely this time of the year. We could try to scale them, and without having an angry, fire-breathing dragon circling around there.”
“You mean… Not flying?”
“Not flying.”
“And we could get to the Mewsville Museum? I read they had some artifact recovered. I wonder about that.”
The train station was essentially split in two, one side had a few iron-armored ponies and the other had a few cats in camouflage clothing. Their spears were piled up on the border and both sides were engaged in a heated match of Science: the Communicating; the commanders of both garrisons locked eyes while they put their cards on the table. They effectively ignored the train stopping at the Felidia side of the station, and only stopped the match because that was not the usual milk-tanker.
A very deliberately stepping, well-dressed cat lady got off and walked to the table set up at the border. The garrisons very suddenly got their spears and got their uniforms in shape but the commanders haven’t got their chance to cover up the table.
“Good afternoon.” she said, as she stopped. The feline commander very gently tried her best not to start making up excuses and the unicorn beamed the biggest smile he could do. “Hope the game goes well?”
Moment of hesitation.
“Yes, Purrmier.” the feline answered. “Heated Battle here was winning…”
“Oh, please, continue, I just wished to see the ledger if any train is coming outside the usual.”
The commanders each felt better a bit and the unicorn produced the ledger from under a few cards. The Purrmier flipped over the pages, and then gave the book back.
“Thank you! Just keep doing what have you done before.” she said and went back, sitting in the carriage, next to Reliven.
“Well, you did great! Not a single issue. Now you only need to learn to look directly on the ponies.”
The Royal Train screeched to a halt at the Friendship Border Station. Red carpet, floral bouquets, serenading band, various well-dressed Very Important Felines waited on their side, while the Equestrian side had the golden armoured troops in a stern, almost statuesque stance.
On both sides, trained photographers with their high-grade and power-of-Sun-in-a-bulb cameras and newspaper writers with their lightweight typewriters, hats with “Press” on them, papers loaded for typing paws and magically readied quills floating.
The train carriage opened, and the Equestrian horns blared, starting their hymn. Some more golden armoured ponies walked out, looking left and right, before flanking and turning to the door.
The gown-clad Purrmier glanced to the other side of the border, then on the VIFs flanking her; she looked rather bare with the sun yellow gown and wide-brimmed summer hat among the various, medal-adorned and ornate gowns and slick tuxedos and uniforms all spitzed up for the occasion. She very gently moved from her spot before a specially selected bodyguard very gently, but firmly pushed her back by the bustle. She gulped barely audibly and her fur started to ruffle up…. Then they exited the gold-and-white carriage.
“The royal sisters of Equestria, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna!” The Equestrian hop-master shouted; cameras started clicking and flashing, and the gold-clad helms each bowed down in a specific order. Two horses, easily bigger than any smaller cat and at eye level with any greatcats. They had horns and wings, one white and pink and yellow and teal and turquoise, and the other dark blue and black and white gleams. The Purrmier tried to step back, only to feel her paw stepping on a tactically positioned paw, which also gently nudged hers back to where it was. The Equestrian hymn blared, reached the top, and with the traditional fanfare, stopped - in just this second, Felidia’s hymn started. The bodyguards very gently and invisibly started to push the Purrmier forward, who seemed to have her eyes fixed on a very specific point just beyond the Princesses. Reliven stepped next to her from the side, gently locking arms and moving the leader forward.
“The first citizen, Miss Letrune Inedil, our Purrmier.” he introduced her, and they performed the well-learnt bow. The border was visible where the different carpets met.
“I hope your highnesses will enjoy the visit in our friendly federation.” she said, her voice calm and calculated, almost singing. Her eyes still not looked on the other eyes.
Then the wind turned, and the royal night-mane slapped right on the Purrmier’s face, who managed not to freak out. About a thousand pictures were taken as she tried to step back, pulled the star-adorned flowing mane out and with the smile on her face, seemed to look like if she would have exited dry cleaning.
“WE ARE VERY SORR---” Luna started, before Celestia tactically nudged her sister with a tail swing, too fast to be recorded by anyone but an Equestrian gossip magazine. Luna tried again, this time on a rather acceptable voice that did not made the Purrmier stumble back. “We are sorry. Hopefully we will be as good a guests as you are hosts.”
“All is well. Please follow us to our humble carriage.” she said, bowing amd stepping back, to lead the way to the flower-adorned, shiny white carriage on the other side.
The Equestrian royalty embarked, and with a wave of legs, Luna whispered to Celestia without opening her mouth any wider than a smile required it.
“Sister… Our luggage?”
“I think the guard will take it to us…” she replied. “Just this day, and then we can start the vacation.”
The Felidian committee entered the same carriage, and they all got comfortable, in the big chairs around a bolted down table. Letrune looked towards the Equestrian royalty, then got out a small notebook.
“Umm, if it is right, I would like to ask for an autograph from both of you. It is not every day we have guests of such high standards.” she hesitantly asked, barely looking up before Reliven softly kicked her in the shin under the table.
The pen was basked in light, first golden, then ebony, and then landed on the middle of the table.
“We had made a schedule of points of interests, if your majesties agree on it.” Reliven said, making the Purrmier add:
“We got so many things to show… I would personally love to have your highnesses visit our Grand Friendship Theatre. It is one of the oldest buildings in continued operation in the entirety of Felidia!”
“I had read that our gracious hostess had started there.” Celestia said, to which the Purrmier tried to add a few weaker mewlings and barely could.
“If you… excuse me i… need to powder my fur. Just a moment.” the Purrmier left, and Reliven looked a bit awkwardly over the Princesses.
“So… On the schedule, we tried to have a lax tour as the ambassador suggested. Today is a dinner in the Parliament, followed by a short way to your highnesses residence. We hope it will suffice, but if needed, we can move it elsewhere.”
“Where would it be?” Luna asked. “I ask because of our special duties for the day and night.”
“Ah, naturally, we had chosen the local Serval Hills planned community, just outside of the Capitol. One of the best views in the nation, apart from the mountains.” he smiled and stood up. “Excuse me while I attend my duties. We will return shortly. In case you wish some refreshment, i am sure a ring of a bell will let someone know.”
As Reliven left, Luna beamed a smile for Celestia.
“Just one formal dinner and we are free to do our schedule, that sounds like a great plan!”
“Certainly.” Celestia said, then yawned “Pardon. I think I take a… nap.”
The way into Felis, the capitol city, was strange for the princesses. While the Royal Guard still came around, and they could see them in the close vicinity, the Felidia Home Guard had seemed to be in small numbers. The felines presented them some strange vehicle, not unlike a cart, which took them over the avenue directly to the Parliament of Friendly Claws. The flower-adorned, multistory buildings were not as modern as Manehatten or Las Pegasus’ towering glass skyscrapers, but were just as, if not more, vibrantly coloured, with the occasional stucco or statue on them.
The Parliament visit was recorded by almost all feline media, and both of the Princesses felt slightly weirded out how they were the only ponies there. Some important ministers had given short speeches to welcome them, and the Purrmier given them each a medal - a heart shaped gem in a small case, adorned with a golden sun, a silver moon and tiny diamonds. She said that these are special medals - the Unbreakable Friendship’ Moon-and-Sun Medals.
After the ceremony, both Princesses were moved into the dining room, and seated at two special seats, made just for them, the Purrmier on their right and a tiger general on their left. Ceramic plates were placed before them and very well-groomed cats started to serve up food - by their clothing and the way the ministers treated them, Celestia guessed they are nobility, or at least very important. Idle chatter started, and Celestia looked over the general.
“You have a very special chainmail, if I see well.”
“Chainmail…?” she asked and then mewled. “Oh, you mean these medals! I got these for most of my campaigns.”
Celestia nodded for the general’s words. “Against the Storm King’s armies?”
“And the Diamond Dogs, each ten sweeping campaigns. We used brooms. Also against the Talon Company, those pirates on the sea, the Freefang Gang, the...”
She started a list, pointing out a few medals at a time, and Celestia had to notice that most medals had “friendship” in their name, and also that the general pinned them up in a way that let her pin the most on her chest. Some minister slipped near, his suit also had a few medals on. Celestia thought that they get their every deed rewarded with a shiny medal, like it would be some game or they would be alike young pony scouts.
“You seem to have some nice appetisers.” Celestia tried to skip the conversation and moving up a small bit of cheese from a plate. “I presume it is local.”
“Actually, that is imported.” a minister pantress said. “We buy them from Manehattan, if I recall correctly. Our cheeses have more spicing and milk to them.”
Luna, on the other side, looked a bit weirded out as she had tasted the local cheese. She tried to get the chalice filled with some water but all the pitchers near had milk in them.
“Why do you have three pitchers of milk?”
“One is regular, one is non-fat and the third one is sugared.” someone answered.
“May I get a glass of water, please?”
The serving cat was a bit confused, but went to get two jugs of water anyway. Both Celestia and Luna felt nicer a bit when the serving started, big ceramic plates moving in, covered with lids. A big, silver platter was moved to them.
Then the Purrmier stood up. Luna saw the Minister of Friendly Affairs very softly fidgeting, and the Purrmier raised a small drinking bowl.
“Ladies, gentlemen, the esteemed guests and your highnesses - today, this banquet, is to show the unbreakable friendship that unites us.” she moved a bit oddly, then continued. “It is a great pleasure for us… To see new friendships coming together. I hope we all will have an enjoyable, amazing, heartwarming time in the future.” another strange movement, as if her legs would want to slip from under her. “For eternal friendship!”
Everyone raised their bowl and the princesses raised their chalices, then the dinner finally started.
The princesses got a bit strange, but well arranged flowers on their silver platters, with cooked hay and grasses, herbs, and each a bowl of sour cream they decided to try. Everyone around them had big roasted meats, piles of breaded meat and bowls of creams. Luna checked to her right, seeing the Purrmier slowly and methodically removing the crispy skin from some bones, then to her right, where the general licked her fingers and used her claws to tear off a big chunk of something she could not and dared not to recognise.
“So, do you… eat such often?” she tried to start conversation with the Purrmier, who straightened up, bone flying off from her plate to somewhere under the seats.
“...I… think so.. It is just… a… A collage… i mean… Collection of various meats we eat.” she nervously giggled as she cleaned off her paw, trying to regain some form of dignity. “I personally rarely eat so. I am trying to keep my budget.”
“I thought you are the leader.”
“I am, but I do earn just as much as anyone else would. Why would I get more?” she replied, and still cleaning her paw. Luna felt a little put off how this cat avoided looking on them, thinking that she is afraid for some reason.
Meanwhile, Celestia used her best smile when a big greasy lump of meat was cut in two by the general next to her, spilling the oil mostly on the bowl, and some on her herbs.
“Sorry. Take it as collateral damage.” the general murred, and Celestia just nodded.
“It is all right. I hope you can clean your medals later… Some got on those, too. Say… may I have a small slice?”
The silence, like an orb of the lack of sound, expanded around the table. The general arched her eyebrows upwards, but then cut a very small bit from the soft meat and placed it there with her knife. Celestia raised the bite and with elegance, surrounded by all sights except the Purrmier’s, started chewing it. After a few moments, she swallowed with no theatrics, which made everyone, even Luna, feel like they did saw some magic trick or a rare wonder.
“This was simply exquisite. The spicing is particularly special here.”
Nobody could really answer, so a general accepting murmur came from around. The Purrmier, who got glances, very cautiously got closer.
“May I ask if you had… Ever tried such?”
“A long while ago. My little ponies are not fond of meat eating, as your cooks were aware, we prefer greens, pastry and sugars. I do have to say that some take it less well…”
“I bet.” some minister mewled to it, followed by some reprimanding ‘shhh!’ from the audience.
“And I do need to add to it that Equestria is not really a place with such cooking methods as yours. I would love to learn some of these recipes, the spices feel familiar yet new.”
The rest of the first course went without an issue, and the dessert was condensed milk, various creams, and a big cake with “enjoy the friendly welcome” written on it. Celestia and Luna still found it a little odd how the cake felt heavier than what they got used to in Equestria.
After the dinner, Reliven offered that he and the Purrmier will show them to the Serval Hills housing. They found that they had a direct rail line, but instead of a train, they saw what looked like a carriage, connected to wires hanging from poles and between buildings.
“This is a tram. Many cats use these, and we managed to get one specifically for your highnesses.” Reliven said, gently gesturing over the yellow-and-white vehicle. “It may not be as special as a royal limousine, but one of the most authentic view of the city this late.”
Celestia and Luna pondered what a ‘limousine’ may be, and decided not to ask. Celestia was too tired and Luna was too busy with the moon to understand half the strange words they used. The way to the Serval Hills was indeed picturesque, lamps lighting the main street, and many houses had flowers growing on boxes, making most of the already colourful buildings more colourful. Some flowers bloomed in the moonlight, and Luna felt a bit nicer how it seemed that night time was a busy time for cats; only to put the thought aside.
“Is it always this busy at night?”
“Often. Best time to hunt, have a nice time with friends and to see some late night entertainment.” Letrune answered, pointing to a big building made of stone. “That is the Grand Friendship Theatre. This area herearound is mainly for actors, actresses, propmakers and assorted services. Also there is my favourite place, the Curtaincall… it is a bit like a pub.” Reliven very softly nudged her. “Oh, umm, sorry. Just… enjoying the night. Got a bit energised…” she giggled.
“You mean a tavern?”
“Sort of. Anything else i can tell you?”
Luna was not asking a lot, instead enjoying the sightseeing and how many cats tried to see the princesses. They got up to Serval Hills, got off the tram and Reliven walked them to a house. The buildings were unassuming, two-story houses.
“I am sorry if it is not glamorous like an estate, but it is the most modern and comfortable Felidia can offer…” he said. The royal cart was in the garden, a few golden armoured guards on duty. The house was lit from various light bulbs, all on.
“You might wonder where we get all this energy?” Reliven asked. His voice was mostly in the tone of ‘I am curious, what you think of this?’. Luna wondered while Celestia excused himself and went to the bedroom, followed by a guard.
“I am more curious where were our royal guards at the dinner.”
“Oh, with your acceptance, Princess Luna, I had seen the best of our cats guarded you. And they were just outside the door. We needed someone to let them relax; I mean, why would anyone wish to hurt you?”
“You can not even guess what enemies we made in the past thousand years.”
“I assure you, Felidia only has friends for you and your sister.”
Luna was in the guest dining room for a very early breakfast. The welcome dinner still made her uneasy, and she was more put off as she saw the Purrmier in their dining room, licking a plate clean just a few steps away from her as the equine princess got as comfortable as she could.
“I already got us some breakfast.” the cat said and smiled on Luna.
“How thoughtful of you.” she nodded back and the big silver platter came in by a waiter. The lid was removed, to reveal a red slab of meat.
“I think it is yours…” Luna said and the Purrmier started tearing it, stuffing handful into her mouth, fangs gleaming.
“A real royal hunch! Sure you don’t care?”
“No… I…. Got no real mood for…” Luna stuttered as the feline finished and hopped on the table, claws out.
“Sad to hear, I am hungry for more….” her voice hissed as she pounced on Luna!
“Oh dear… Hope you don’t mind that I come in without anything…” a young male voice purred next to Luna. She opened an eye to see the entire room frozen in time, just before the feline leader could have tear into the Princess.
“Just a dream. Should have known…” Luna said and turned to see a young looking panther, awkwardly standing near. “Are you a dream guardian?”
“Not really, just a simple dreamweaver intern. Mivul, at your service! Interesting dreamt shape, if I may say.”
“This is my real look.” she said, making him blink a bit.
“Oh my oh my! Pardon me, your highness, I did not know. How may I serve you?”
“Well… what you know of this… Purrmier?”
“In my opinion, she is a shiny, pompous joke. I mean, she was an actress. I did not vote for her, because I think she could be awful in any job, even as a used car saleswoman.”
“What is a car?”
“It is like a personally used train… minus carriages and rails and…. Or like a cart with no need to push it…. Hmmm. Maybe this dream could help.”
The dining room disappeared completely, replaced with a flat road in a forest. Luna sat in a strange device, hooves on a wheel, lower hooves on pedals. The vehicle was like it was made of crayon and rubber ball. Lune somehow knew how it works, but not any details… But she did not needed any. With a press of a pedal, she zoomed off and enjoyed a ride in the dark, among luminescent flowers in the forest.
Just a few moments later, Luna woke up. The sun was slowly rising, making the entire city gleam and shine. Celestia absentmindedly looked over the city below them.
“Up early, dear sister?”
“Just had a… Strange dream. I think it came from my stomach more.”
“Ah… It is quite a hard food indeed. Sleep back, we got some time to rest back.”