> One Of A Kind > by NFSW > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Doubts > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Midnight was upon me, and I had yet to get a wink of sleep. Try as I might, twisting and turning, hoping for a restful night that would never come: going to sleep was impossible. Tomorrow marked the start of my high school life, and I was none too excited about it. My family could lecture me day in and day out about how I had nothing to worry about, and if I did, I always had them to turn to for help, it did nothing to quell my anxiety. “Maybe a cup of tea would help.” I was hesitant, however, not because my family had strict curfew and bedtime rules: Mother trusted us to get some level of rest, and therefore, allowed us to roam free. My hesitation was, for all intents and purposes, a product of my own laziness. I wanted to believe that perhaps I could fall asleep without leaving, that perhaps I was overthinking the next day, and if I could at the very least assure myself that I was blowing things out of proportion, I could go to sleep. 5 minutes later and still nowhere near getting any sleep in, however, I conceded that I should try a cup of tea. With a defeated sigh, I tossed my blankets to the side and crawled out of bed, waddling my way to the staircase. Halfway down the stairs, however, I saw light spilling into the living room via the kitchen, which meant someone else was already awake, My steps instinctively became quieter to not startle whoever was in the kitchen. The closer I got, the more I speculated on who it could be. It certainly couldn’t be Stepfather, he was the deepest sleeper I’ve ever known, Summer Spark and Gale Breeze were possible, but not likely, Summer had a rigid schedule for when to go to be and she never deviates unless special circumstances and Gale was similar to some degree, although not as intense. That left Mother and Black Ruby as the most possible candidates. “Take a seat.” I hadn’t even rounded the bend when Ruby answered my question, and when I did, she beckoned for me to sit in the seat parallel to her. A hot water kettle on its way to boil with two tea cups on the table, one for her and one for me(persumably). Seeing no reason to decline, I obeyed, holding the cup in hand as she sat across from me, feet propped up on the table, arms crossed beneath her chest, and eyes closed. To any random observer, her demeanor may seem cold or otherwise unwelcoming. But I(and the rest of our family) knew her, she had an awareness unlike that of anyone I’ve ever seen, it was how she was able to tell someone was coming into the kitchen, whether she knew it was me or not. She was simply honing her awareness. That didn’t mean I didn’t mind the silence, I certainly did. A question burned on my tongue, I wanted to spark some sort of conversation, but she was rather sharp about her concentration and made clear to anyone who dare interrupt it what was to happen to them. I’ve been on the receiving end of her anger more times than not, a handful of times because I tampered with her concentration. I wanted to play it safe. “Something’s bothering you?” We both know it was meant more of a statement than a question, she knew exactly what was bothering me. But the questioning tone felt inviting. Either way, I wanted to avoid the question all together, even if I did desperately want someone to talk to, but there’s something hard about opening up to others about your issues. Even if they are family. She was in no rush, however, and hadn’t spoken a word after that. Giving me space as she poured the now boilking water in both our cups, eyes still closed, yet not a drop of water had been spilled. The minty aroma hit me straight in the nose, just the smell alone was enough to ease my nerves. There’s just something magical about mint. With a sigh, I began. “I’m nervous…” I paused, fiddling with my thumbs, staring into the tea, my reflection staring back with all its uncertainties and doubts. “About starting school.” I finished, peeling away from my reflection, unable to look any longer. “What if I mess up and become the laughing stock? What if I get bullied? What if…” I paused once more, feeling tears begin to fill my eyes. “What if I don’t fit in?” Another silence befell us, this one much more uncomfortable, as I waited for her response, tentatively sipping away at my tea. “White, look at me.” Hesitantly, I peeled my sight from the table and onto her, her posture relaxed now, with one arm behind the chair as she leaned back, eyes open and locked onto mine. “Asking what if’s is pointless. No matter how hard you try, you can’t predict the future: no one can, it’s the future.” She began, sipping at her tea. “The best we can do is prepare for what’s to come, that’s not to say you can’t be nervous, but having that anxiety hold you back isn’t going to do you any favors.” I couldn’t help but crack a smile, lowering my gaze. “Were you nervous?” I felt stupid asking, but it was a question I needed answered. Perhaps it was out of some asinine need to know that someone as rough and tough as Ruby was also nervous, it would help. I seriously doubt it, however. “Of course I was.” “What?!” My response was a louder, and more surprised, than I wished it to be. Her stifled chuckle only made me want to retreat into myself. She nodded once the laughing fit died off. “Yeah, I was nervous.” She said. “Gale had already started, was on her junior year, and the only person I knew going in was Summer.” She had to stifle another chuckle, though my expense wasn’t the source. “She teased me the whole summer.” Immediately, I was hit with flashback after flashback of Summer doing much the same to me, and soon, I was stifling a laugh as well. “You’d be surprise how ‘unlady-like’ she can get when she really wants to roast you.” I couldn’t agree more, but another burning questioned soured my tongue as I looked at her. “How did you gather the courage to go?” I asked. Another chuckle she had to stifle, this one harsher than either of the last two. “I didn’t: Mom said, and I quote ‘You don’t want to be known as the girl who showed up to school on her mother’s tits, do you’ and that was enough to get me going.” She blurted out. I was, however, incredulous. “She didn’t.” And even if she did, she wasn’t serious, was she? Ruby proved me wrong, however, with a shake of her head. “She did, and she was dead serious, halfway up my waist before I gave in.” The mental image of Ruby begging Mother to not eat her when she was already hip deep was too funny to bear that I almost lost whatever tea I had drank. “ Do you want to show to school on your sister’s tits?” I had to do a double-take, the question coming quicker and without warning. Of course, I shook my head vigorously, I did not want to show up to school on Ruby’s tits, or anyone’s tits to be honest. This time, she allowed herself the chuckle, standing from her chair and rounding the table to me, kneeling down. “That’s a relief, I don’t think I could handle all of this before school.” A joke, to be sure, complimented by a quick peck to my forehead. I couldn’t respond before she swooped me off my feet and held me like a bride. Of course, I was embarrassed to some extent, I didn’t want her to be carrying me like a bride when I wasn’t a girl, much less a bride. But some part of me was warmed by the touch as she carried me to my room, turning off the ktichen light as she did so. Once she laid me on the bed, she gave me another peck on the forehead, a comforting smile painted on her face. “Good night, White.” I always found it humorous how my name rhymed with night. But as she got up to leave to her own room, or I presumed, my doubts hadn’t yet settled, and so, I reached out and grabbed her arm before she could get too far. She gave me a confused, uncertain glare, unsure why I was holding onto her. “Can you sleep with me, tonight?” I asked. Her face immediately fell, she may be one for hugs and kisses, but spending nights together was hitting above her pay grade. She grimaced, looking this way and that, to and fro, trying to find some way to decline me lightly. “You don’t want me to get Mom, Gale, or even Summer?” She asked. But I was determined, and shook my head. “Please?” I pleaded, ramping it up with the puppy dog eyes. She tried to resist by looking away, but she couldn’t avert my gaze for too long. She opened her mouth to say something, only to realize that it was a lost cost, shrugging her shoulders. “If Mom sees us like this, you will show up to school on my tits.” Her threat seemed hollow, and even if it wasn’t, I was none too worried about it. Snuggling close to her, finally feeling at peace, sleep coming to me at last. Perhaps, just perhaps, tomorrow wouldn’t be all that bad. Midnight was upon me, and I had yet to get a wink of sleep. Try as I might, twisting and turning, hoping for a restful night that would never come: going to sleep was impossible. Tomorrow marked the start of my high school life, and I was none too excited about it. My family could lecture me day in and day out about how I had nothing to worry about, and if I did, I always had them to turn to for help, it did nothing to quell my anxiety. “Maybe a cup of tea would help.” I was hesitant, however, not because my family had strict curfew and bedtime rules: Mother trusted us to get some level of rest, and therefore, allowed us to roam free. My hesitation was, for all intents and purposes, a product of my own laziness. I wanted to believe that perhaps I could fall asleep without leaving, that perhaps I was overthinking the next day, and if I could at the very least assure myself that I was blowing things out of proportion, I could go to sleep. 5 minutes later and still nowhere near getting any sleep in, however, I conceded that I should try a cup of tea. With a defeated sigh, I tossed my blankets to the side and crawled out of bed, waddling my way to the staircase. Halfway down the stairs, however, I saw light spilling into the living room via the kitchen, which meant someone else was already awake, My steps instinctively became quieter to not startle whoever was in the kitchen. The closer I got, the more I speculated on who it could be. It certainly couldn’t be Stepfather, he was the deepest sleeper I’ve ever known, Summer Spark and Gale Breeze were possible, but not likely, Summer had a rigid schedule for when to go to be and she never deviates unless special circumstances and Gale was similar to some degree, although not as intense. That left Mother and Black Ruby as the most possible candidates. “Take a seat.” I hadn’t even rounded the bend when Ruby answered my question, and when I did, she beckoned for me to sit in the seat parallel to her. A hot water kettle on its way to boil with two tea cups on the table, one for her and one for me(persumably). Seeing no reason to decline, I obeyed, holding the cup in hand as she sat across from me, feet propped up on the table, arms crossed beneath her chest, and eyes closed. To any random observer, her demeanor may seem cold or otherwise unwelcoming. But I(and the rest of our family) knew her, she had an awareness unlike that of anyone I’ve ever seen, it was how she was able to tell someone was coming into the kitchen, whether she knew it was me or not. She was simply honing her awareness. That didn’t mean I didn’t mind the silence, I certainly did. A question burned on my tongue, I wanted to spark some sort of conversation, but she was rather sharp about her concentration and made clear to anyone who dare interrupt it what was to happen to them. I’ve been on the receiving end of her anger more times than not, a handful of times because I tampered with her concentration. I wanted to play it safe. “Something’s bothering you?” We both know it was meant more of a statement than a question, she knew exactly what was bothering me. But the questioning tone felt inviting. Either way, I wanted to avoid the question all together, even if I did desperately want someone to talk to, but there’s something hard about opening up to others about your issues. Even if they are family. She was in no rush, however, and hadn’t spoken a word after that. Giving me space as she poured the now boilking water in both our cups, eyes still closed, yet not a drop of water had been spilled. The minty aroma hit me straight in the nose, just the smell alone was enough to ease my nerves. There’s just something magical about mint. With a sigh, I began. “I’m nervous…” I paused, fiddling with my thumbs, staring into the tea, my reflection staring back with all its uncertainties and doubts. “About starting school.” I finished, peeling away from my reflection, unable to look any longer. “What if I mess up and become the laughing stock? What if I get bullied? What if…” I paused once more, feeling tears begin to fill my eyes. “What if I don’t fit in?” Another silence befell us, this one much more uncomfortable, as I waited for her response, tentatively sipping away at my tea. “White, look at me.” Hesitantly, I peeled my sight from the table and onto her, her posture relaxed now, with one arm behind the chair as she leaned back, eyes open and locked onto mine. “Asking what if’s is pointless. No matter how hard you try, you can’t predict the future: no one can, it’s the future.” She began, sipping at her tea. “The best we can do is prepare for what’s to come, that’s not to say you can’t be nervous, but having that anxiety hold you back isn’t going to do you any favors.” I couldn’t help but crack a smile, lowering my gaze. “Were you nervous?” I felt stupid asking, but it was a question I needed answered. Perhaps it was out of some asinine need to know that someone as rough and tough as Ruby was also nervous, it would help. I seriously doubt it, however. “Of course I was.” “What?!” My response was a louder, and more surprised, than I wished it to be. Her stifled chuckle only made me want to retreat into myself. She nodded once the laughing fit died off. “Yeah, I was nervous.” She said. “Gale had already started, was on her junior year, and the only person I knew going in was Summer.” She had to stifle another chuckle, though my expense wasn’t the source. “She teased me the whole summer.” Immediately, I was hit with flashback after flashback of Summer doing much the same to me, and soon, I was stifling a laugh as well. “You’d be surprise how ‘unlady-like’ she can get when she really wants to roast you.” I couldn’t agree more, but another burning questioned soured my tongue as I looked at her. “How did you gather the courage to go?” I asked. Another chuckle she had to stifle, this one harsher than either of the last two. “I didn’t: Mom said, and I quote ‘You don’t want to be known as the girl who showed up to school on her mother’s tits, do you’ and that was enough to get me going.” She blurted out. I was, however, incredulous. “She didn’t.” And even if she did, she wasn’t serious, was she? Ruby proved me wrong, however, with a shake of her head. “She did, and she was dead serious, halfway up my waist before I gave in.” The mental image of Ruby begging Mother to not eat her when she was already hip deep was too funny to bear that I almost lost whatever tea I had drank. “ Do you want to show to school on your sister’s tits?” I had to do a double-take, the question coming quicker and without warning. Of course, I shook my head vigorously, I did not want to show up to school on Ruby’s tits, or anyone’s tits to be honest. This time, she allowed herself the chuckle, standing from her chair and rounding the table to me, kneeling down. “That’s a relief, I don’t think I could handle all of this before school.” A joke, to be sure, complimented by a quick peck to my forehead. I couldn’t respond before she swooped me off my feet and held me like a bride. Of course, I was embarrassed to some extent, I didn’t want her to be carrying me like a bride when I wasn’t a girl, much less a bride. But some part of me was warmed by the touch as she carried me to my room, turning off the ktichen light as she did so. Once she laid me on the bed, she gave me another peck on the forehead, a comforting smile painted on her face. “Good night, White.” I always found it humorous how my name rhymed with night. But as she got up to leave to her own room, or I presumed, my doubts hadn’t yet settled, and so, I reached out and grabbed her arm before she could get too far. She gave me a confused, uncertain glare, unsure why I was holding onto her. “Can you sleep with me, tonight?” I asked. Her face immediately fell, she may be one for hugs and kisses, but spending nights together was hitting above her pay grade. She grimaced, looking this way and that, to and fro, trying to find some way to decline me lightly. “You don’t want me to get Mom, Gale, or even Summer?” She asked. But I was determined, and shook my head. “Please?” I pleaded, ramping it up with the puppy dog eyes. She tried to resist by looking away, but she couldn’t avert my gaze for too long. She opened her mouth to say something, only to realize that it was a lost cost, shrugging her shoulders. “If Mom sees us like this, you will show up to school on my tits.” Her threat seemed hollow, and even if it wasn’t, I was none too worried about it. Snuggling close to her, finally feeling at peace, sleep coming to me at last. Perhaps, just perhaps, tomorrow wouldn’t be all that bad.