A normal guy gets sent to Equestria with the power to use any video game cheat, glitch or exploit.
I was just an average brony who played a lot of video games, but then I took an arrow to the knee... well actually it was more like a black goo to my everything. Now I'm surrounded by snow in every direction except up with a weird set of numbers at the top left of my vision that looks freakishly like the Minecraft debug menu. (My attempt at a 1st person story) [starts in season 5 premiere]
Sorry, I lost ALL motivation with this story. I might do a heavy rewrite a long time into the future maybe(probably not) but for now, it's canceled. Sorry to disappoint everyone who actually read this trash.
"Shit, why is it so fucking cold here? Where even is 'here' anyways? And why are there numbers in my face?" I ramble to myself.
looking at all the snow around me, I see nothing else in sight. Only snow, snow and more snow.
Now, you're probably wondering 'hey, how did you get into this snow covered hell?' Well, how about some backstory.
Hello! You can call me Stanley. I am an average guy living on my own. I'm 19, I worked at a big clothes store in a mall, I play ALOT of video games, and I'm a brony, though with how little I buy merchandise and stuff, you wouldn't be able to tell.
I just got home from work. I pull into my driveway and walked into my house, tripping as I entered. I put away my groceries and make a sandwich, after which I walked to my computer, carefully stepping over a random cord, and turned it on. While loading up Windows 7 I thought about what I wanted to do today, and decided to check the Internet for any new games.
The computer loads, I open Google, and I search for some games or fan games, even checking for anything new from Kaze Emanuar on YouTube. I keep searching for stuff like this and then I find something that caught my curiosity. It was a rom hack, but it didn't say what game it was a hack of. I decided to download it. A few minutes later and it's finished.
The file name was 'Adventure.z64'.
Seeing the file extension, I assumed it was a rom hack for Mario 64, as that game is modded like all the time. I opened up my N64 emulator and loaded the rom.
It was not a Mario 64 rom hack.
As soon as the file loaded my computer screen turned black.
Did it crash my computer? Or do I just have auto full screen on?
The black started to seep off of the screen, which looked very strange, also what!? Why and how!? What the fuck is happening!? While I'm freaking out I realize it's getting closer! I take a step back and-
Thud
I tripped on the random cord from earlier, and my foot actually gets TANGLED!
"GOD DAMNIT! Why didn't I clean this up? Is this my punishment for having a messy house!?" I shout, struggling to untie my leg as the black goo gets closer. After a few moments I realize it is NOT going to come off.
"Is this really how I'm going to die? By opening an unknown rom file?" I say as the goo finally reaches my leg.
The goo travels up my body, causing it to feel numb.
"I guess this is the end of poor Stanley... Heh, I was hoping to get the broom closet ending." I joke to myself in my possibly final moments. And as it almost covered my head I thought to myself one final thing.
The broom closet ending was my favorite.
I blacked out.
'Game loaded.'
I awoke with a start with a cold feeling. It felt like I was laying in snow.
I look around and... I guess I WAS laying in snow, but that can't be right! There shouldn't be any snow this time of year!
Wait a second...
"The fuck is this?" I say upon seeing numbers in my vision. "This looks a lot like the Minecraft debug menu... Whatever, I gotta get out of the cold. Don't want to freeze to death."
I get up and look at the position of the sun for a few moments, trying to figure out which way to walk. "Hmm, I'm gonna go that way." I say, turning south from the rising sun.
I walk... And walk... And walk.
"Shit, why is it so fucking cold here? Where even is 'here' anyways? And why are there numbers in my face?" I ramble to myself.
looking at all the snow around me, I see nothing else in sight. Only snow, snow and more snow.
I sigh and continue onwards.
Why am I here? Is this the afterlife? Did hell actually freeze over? That would actually be hilarious if it did. I wonder what these numbers are? This is all so very strange.
I've been walking for nearly a half an hour now and I'm surprised I'm not tired yet from all this walking. Just as I'm about to take a break I see a flash in the corner of my eye, as the sun was reflected off of something. Something tall.
I turn my head to see a HUGE ASS tower of crystal in the distance, and this gives me hope.
"Giant unnatural tower means civilization!" I tell myself, changing direction to the tower and sprinting off towards it.
I trip many times as the tower is reflecting the sun, but I continue to see slightly more. There seems to be buildings too, but it's hard to make out. I keep running closer and closer, each step filling me with hope! I keep getting closer... until I stop, seeing something that truly left my jaw in the snow below.
Ponies.
Cartoony ponies.
In many colors.
"Wait a minute... Is this the fucking Crystal Empire?!" I ask myself.
My brain train completely derails, and everyone who was on board is now dead. I just stare at it and rub my eyes, trying to see if it's actually real. After a few moments, the train is rolling once again.
"Yep, it's the fucking Crystal Empire. That's neat, also WHAT THE FUCK!?" I shout while throwing my arms in the air, thankfully not close enough for any of the ponies to hear me. I decide
"Well, hopefully they can help me, but I don't know if they will even WANT to. I'm not a pony." I continue to talk to myself. I decide to just walk into the empire. I walk up and after a few minutes of walking up to it I finally reach the place and enter.
"Wow!" I say in amazement.
Let me just say this place is BEAUTIFUL! The COLORS! The SHINE! It's amazing! Nearly everything is some shade of blue or purple, it's so pretty! But all these sudden dust clouds ruin it a bit, said dust clouds originating from running ponies.
Unsurprisingly, everypony flees the second they see me. Atleast this gives me time to think. So I am very obviously in Equestria, and everypony is fucking afraid of me... I think I've read enough fanfics to know where this might go. And again what's with these debug numbers? Slow down brain, think about this one part at a time. I was sent here to Equestria after opening some unknown rom hack, and now I have numbers in my face. I might need to experiment a bit to see if I have any abilities now.
"Stop right there, monster!" A royal guard shouts, interrupting my thoughts. I look up and see Shining Armor and Cadence, standing behind exactly 20 guards, all of them pointing spears at me from about 30 feet away. I almost freak out for a moment before I decide to try being nice.
"Hello there! My name is Stanley, and I'm a little... Far from home. Maybe you can help me?" I wave, making sure not to move any closer to them. All the gaurds do a double take, making sure they actually heard me talk.
"You are going to leave the Crystal Empire immediately!" Shining Armer shouts, doing some sort of signal with his magic.
Suddenly all 20 guards start moving forward slowly, and I start freaking out.
"Woah! Wait, we can talk about this!" I say, backing up slowly, putting my arms in front of myself. But they don't stop. So I just start saying stop in different ways.
"Stop!" Nothing.
"Halt!" Nothing.
"Yield! Time out! Don't attack!" Nothing.
"Pause!" And they stop moving forward. I take a moment to catch my breath as I was hyperventilating. I take a closer look though, and see that they're all frozen mid-step. Did I do that?
I try to walk forward to get an even closer look, but I can't move my legs! I can still move my arms and head just fine, but not my legs. I look down to see why, and see something that shocks me.
"Is that the fucking Half Life 2 developer console!?"
Indeed it is, just floating there above the ground, about the size of a normal computer monitor. I also see a neon blue wireframe keyboard set in front of it, and a white arrow on the top right of the console. I just stare at it blankly for a full minute before a small grin starts to appear on my face, growing wider and wider.
"This is going to be fun." I say in a villainous voice. Everything is still frozen and I have cheats! These guys don't know what's coming. They don't even have a clue. I check the console commands and see that they are mostly unchanged from when I messed with them playing Garry's Mod. I press the arrow and it brings me to a Minecraft creative mode menu and chat box, surprising me only a small bit as I've already had enough crazy surprises today.
"Hehehe." I laugh. I try to give myself a diamond sword, and it works! Even though the Minecraft menu shows it as it normally does in game, I end up holding something that looks like an actual sword made of diamond, which is neat.
Okay, from this point forward to avoid confusion for myself, and for any people possibly watching me, the Half Life 2 Developer Console will just be referred to as 'the console' and the Minecraft creative mode menu and chat box will just be 'the inventory'.
I then switch to the console and type something that will really help me. 'God' which basically makes me invincible.
'godmode on'
"This is going to be so awesome!" I shout excitedly. I prepare myself and get into position, before seeing a 'save' button. Its probably a good idea to save, so I do. Getting back into position, I get ready both physically and mentally.
"Unpause." I say as seriously as I can. All the gaurds continue for a full second, before stopping wide eyed when they see me suddenly holding a diamond sword just like Cloud Strife holds his buster sword.
"I don't want to fight, but I will if I have to." I say with narrowed eyes. Shining Armor just narrows his eyes back at me, while Cadence starts to look worried. The rest of the guards try to remain as their usual stoic selves, but I can tell that they're nervous.
"Leave." Shining Armor growls out menacingly.
"Maybe I will... After I show you who's boss." I reply in a cocky voice. Shining Armor makes another signal with his magic, and three guards charge towards me with their spears outward in a very predictable manner. I swing my sword sideways, cutting off all the spearheads. The three guards stop look at their spears with wide eyes, before running back and having three more guards rush in, this time being smart and trying to surround me. I swing again, this time hitting the side of one guard's helmet with the flat side of my sword, knocking him unconscious and making it so one of the other guards has to pull him away. The third guard tries to stab me from the side, but I hop backwards and hit him with my sword, knocking him away from me and towards the other guards. Shining Armor looks pissed, and Cadence is watching with a calculating look.
"Can't we just, you know, not fight? I have somewhere I want to be very soon, and I don't have all day." I suggest and taunt at the same time.
"Why are you here, creature?" Shining Armor demands for me to answer.
"I'm not fully sure actually. I got here by complete accident." I say in a bored tone, shrugging. Shining looks even angrier.
"Wow, you look like you just saw someone take a shit on your lunch." I say with a smirk. One guard actually chuckles at that.
"Ayyyy, I like that guy who laughed!" I point in the direction of the guard. Shining actually gets so mad he shoots a laser beam at my face. I just smirk.
The laser hits dead on and makes a small explosion. He smirks as he thinks he did it, but when the smoke from the explosion clears away, I inwardly chuckle at seeing his dropped jaw.
"Was that supposed to do something?" I ask with a huge ass grin. He starts to actually look afraid.
"That was too easy, but I don't like fighting. How about we all sit down and have a nice cup of tea?" I joke with a fancy accent.
"That blast should have knocked you out cold!" Shining shouts.
"And my warnings should have stopped you from fighting, but noooooo, You apparently gotta fight me because I'm not a pony!" I shout back, trying to make him sound like the rude one. A lone guard walks up to me while the rest stare in near horror. He stops right in front of me and looks into my eyes.
"I think he's good." He smirks, holding his hoof up to me.
"Are you the one who laughed?" I ask, to which he just nods.
"You're alright in my book." I say returning the smirk and bumping his hoof with my fist. He walks to my side and stands there next to me.
"What!? Really!?" Shining yells in disbelief. I just nod towards him and shrug with a smirk, making him almost scream in anger.
"What's your name?" I ask, turning to the guard next to me.
"Name's Strong Steel." He answers. I just nod to him and turn to the rest of the guards. I clear my throat and decide to give a small speech.
"It appears Strong Steel here has balls of strong steel. The rest of you just though I was bad because you haven't seen me before, you got scared of the unknown creature and attacked, but this guy here decided to get find the truth and stare at it head on instead of fighting it, showing that he is not only smarter, but braver than all of you. Be like this guy, because he's not a fucking bitch."
All the other guards look like they were actually moved by this somehow, and 2 more guards walk up to my side, and then 3, then 5 and finally 9. All 20 guards moved to my side, and Shining Armor just looks like he ate a balls flavored lemon.
We just stare at each other, everypony on my side looking at Shining, and him looking at us.
"...Well this was an experience, you guys want to go get something to eat?" I ask the guards.
"YEAH!" The guards all cheer like they just overthrew Sombra.
"Strong Shield, lead the way!" I shout. We all go to get food and I take a quick glance at Shining Armor. Seeing the one of the most butthurt faces ever gets a chuckle out of me, and I look again to see that Cadence left at some point, probably to send a message to Celestia about me.
Me and my new friends walk into a bar, and they all ask the bartender for drinks, even me. The bartender is a brown coated stallion with a cider yellow mane and has a cider cup as a cutie mark. The stallion raises an eyebrow, looking at me for a full 7 seconds... before just shrugging.
"Okay." He simply states in a deep voice.
"Wait, really?" I start to ask. "You're not going to freak out like the rest?"
"Nah, I can see in your eyes that you're not trouble. I DO see a bit of mischievousness though, so don't prank anypony. Also the second you walked in all 20 of these guards followed, it's a new record." He explains.
"I like you, might come here more than once." I tell him with a smirk, to which he subtly smirks back.
So me and t he guards have some fun, some are now having drinking contests, some are watching said drinking contest, and some are even singing on the stage, it's a blast.
But then somepony asks me to sing something, and they say it REALLY loudly causing the rest to hear it and push me into singing for them. As I hear this, I decide to accept and go with a song that played everyday at the mall I worked at.
"Alright, alright, I'll do it." I say, causing everypony to cheer loudly.
I walk onto the stage, and then I pause real quick to see if I can do what I'm think of. I search the console for some commands and I find just what I needed. 'playsound' is the command, and I even find the song too. So I type the full command.
'Set to play Best Day Of My Life (Instrumental version) by American Authors once unpaused.'
Sweet, it didn't automatically start the song while paused like on Garry's Mod servers. That will be very useful. I decide to save before I sing it just in case I mess up a part. I unpause, and then I prepare to sing. Everypony looks around for where the music is coming from like they don't do stuff like this all the time themselves, before they hear my voice start the song for real.
I keep singing the song and the ponies all cheer, and I mean all of them, even the bartender I didn't get the name of. But...
"Stop that right this instant!" Shining Armor shouts angrily, busting through the front door. Everypony just stares at him with a 'did you really have to do that?' look.
"Do you realize that we're all having fun right now?" Strong Steel says to him with a slight glare.
"Do YOU realize that I'm PAYING you all to capture him?" Shining Armor replies quickly.
This absolutely stops all sound in the bar, and it's so fucking quiet that you would be able to hear Twilight flip a page in a book from Ponyville. Everypony slowly turns towards me with determination in their eyes, and I nope the fuck out of there.
"Well guys it's been nice but I gotta run so see ya!" I say a bit too quickly before running out the door.
"Get him!" And all hell breaks loose. Everypony runs and trips over each other to get me, most trying to squeeze through the the door, no order or formation whatsoever! Discord would approve. I run around a corner and as soon as I'm out of sight I pause the world to catch my breath.
"W-woah, okay, those ponies like money quite a BIT, don't they?" I rhetorically ask myself, chuckling at my own pun.
"Okay, I need to get of here, but how do- oh right I can teleport now, duh. But who to teleport to? I need to get really far away, somewhere nopony will think to look, and I need to know where I am in the timeline..." I proceed to hum in thought for a few minutes, before I snap my fingers upon getting an idea of who.
"I know just who to go to." I continue to talk to myself out loud like a crazy person, but what would you do if the world was frozen? Anyways, I prepare the teleport for a specific pony, switching to the inventory and typing the command slowly for dramatic effect.
"/tp 'Stanley' 'Starlight Glimmer' "
I press enter, and see Starlight preparing to teleport herself af the end of the 'Our Town' incident, which tells me I'm currently in the season 5 premiere. Seeing as she's about to teleport I switch to the console and type 'notarget' for basically invisibility, and unpause so she can finish her spell. She disappears and I pause again, switching to my inventory and teleporting to her again so I can follow.
I appear to be in a cave now, but not one with the cutie mark vault. This must be a backup place to return to when things go wrong... Which they just did, so that's smart of her. Speaking up backups, I decide to save again right here, as I plan on doing something that could end up being really stupid or really great. I unpause, standing right behind Starlight.
"How DARE they! I was helping the town! Cutie marks are LIES! They're fools for thinking otherwise!" She starts shouting in rage and anger, lashing about a bit.
I disable notarget so I'm visible again, and prepare to speak.
"Maybe they are, maybe they aren't." I start, causing Starlight to 'eep' in surprise. "And who knows what is truth or false ?right or wrong? What we see as right and wrong are just the way we think... and I think I can help you." I say to her in a serious voice, as if I'm explaining the red and blue pills.
"W-w-who are y-you!? A-and what a-are you?" Starlight asks in a scared and cautious tone, slowly backing away with wide eyes.
"Who am I?" I rhetorically ask, slowly forming a dark and mischievous sounding chuckle.
"...You didn't answer my second question." Starlight asks, seemingly no longer scared because of my 'silly' name.
"I'm a human, or 'Homo Sapiens' if you what to be all scientific about it." I answer in a nonchalant voice.
"Uh-huh... Why are you here?" She asks skeptically with narrow eyes, trying to get a handle at what I'm like.
"I want to team up. You have a problem with ponies cutie marks, and I have a problem with ponies... reactions towards me. Seriously though, just earlier today I walked into a city and immediately there's 20 guards, a guard captain and a princess after me just because of my appearance. I mean really! I've done nothing wrong and they tried to STAB me! I'm just happy I'm more powerful than all of them!" I continue to rant a bit, pacing around as I do. Starlight just keeps her distance and listens to me until that last bit.
"Wait, what was that about being powerful?" She asks, quickly gaining interested at that part.
"Well, I have a whole bunch of abilities that make me way to fucking powerful, possibly more so than Celestia and Luna combined if used right." I answer, adding in that bit about the princesses to let her know in comparison to them how much power I have. She flinched when I cursed, but that last bit REALLY got her attention.
"Pffft, yeah right." She says, waving her hoof and rolling her eyes. "Nopony is more powerful than the princesses!"
"Good thing I'm not a 'nopony' then, or a pony at all for that matter, and I can name two beings more powerful than them." I tell her, persistently trying to get her to join up with me or let me join her.
"Okay then, who are these two 'beings' more powerful than Celestia and Luna?" She asks, doing the quotation mark motion with her hooves. I stand up straight and pretend to be holding a microphone.
"Behind door number one we have the conductor of chaos, the lord or lawlessness, the bane of boredom, the preserver of pandemonium, the wrath of randomness, the mish of mashes himself, Discord!" I shout in my best game show announcer voice. "And behind door number two we have... ME!" I shout louder, using a quick 'emiteffect' command to create some confetti above me and a 'playsound' command to make a party noise maker sound effect.
Starlight just stares at the confetti with wide eyes.
"I didn't detect any magic when he did that." Starlight quietly says to herself with wide, blank eyes. After a moment she looks up from the confetti and at me, staring straight into my eyes.
"...You're serious, aren't you?" She asks me in a near whisper. I just nod, causing her to sit down from the insanity of it all.
"Okay, so, you are a being with more power than the princesses, and you just show up wanting to team u- wait a moment, why team up with me? Why not team with Discord, or even just do it by yourself?" She asks me demandingly. I answer with what I've actually thought about for a while.
"Because, if I do it myself, everypony will think I'm just some evil beast. I want to get a message out that I'm not a beast but I could be if they treat me like one, and teach them to not be so god damn racist! I also can't get help from Discord because he's been metaphorically put on a leash. What's worse about that leash is that he's perfectly fine with it as its big enough for his needs. The one time he left it he was betrayed by Tirek, which means he probably won't leave again anytime soon. And I'm not saying it's actually a bad thing, it's just that it stops me from getting help from him which is bad for me." I conclude my second rant, showing that I've put a lot of thought into this and also showing Starlight that I'm not only strong, but intelligent as well.
"...Wow, you really put a lot of thought into this, maybe we actually could help each other out!" Starlight says, smiling.
"Yep, I'm strong AND smart... Now if only I looked good, cause then the mares would be all over me!" I joke with a grin.
"Yeah, okay whatever." She says, with an eyeroll. I do still notice a small smirk though.
Your friendship with Starlight has increased! I jokingly think to myself with a smile.
"So, have you made any backup plans you want to try? Maybe make a revenge scheme? Or maybe just try to subconsciously mind trick ponies into joining you and make an army like before?" I ask Starlight.
"I... Well I don't really have anything right now, but I'm sure I'll get another idea." She replies, a little disappointed about not having a backup plan.
"Let's think of something together then!" I tell her.
Starlight just smiles a small happy smile.
'*Your friendship level with Starlight Glimmer has increased!'
Wait, FOR REAL???
Meanwhile
Shining Armor couldn't believe it. He refused to be defeated. He just couldn't understand how he and the rest of the guard lost the monster so quickly! He couldn't wrap his head around it, as not only did it brainwash his guards but it even celebrated afterwards, and when the brainwashing stopped working the creature fled around a corner and EVERY GUARD lost track of it. It didn't have a horn so it couldn't have used a spell, right? So how did it get away so quickly? Is it just faster than it looks? Shining kept trying to rationalize how it escaped, but everything he thought of was just guesses, no concrete proof! It was a good thing Cadence sent that letter to Princess Celestia, atleast with her knowing about it she could find a way to find and defeat it.
I swear I will bring you justice, creature! I promise that!
Starlight and I have been sitting down and brainstorming in this cave for a while and we have nothing to do. No ideas for achieving our goals that seem like they would actually work, no ideas for getting revenge successfully, hell, Starlight can't even think of a way to get food easily. Of course I could easily just make some food from thin air but it seems she hasn't figured this out yet. Just then I get a small idea.
"What if we walk into a town and show how happy we are without cutie marks, maybe they would want to join you, and seeing a pony happy while near me will show that I'm not a monster and everything ends up nice?" I suggest standing up, even doing some jazz hands at the end.
"That first part seems a little bit close to what I've already done, and the second part definitely wouldn't work. You just look too scary. No offense." Starlight informs me.
"None taken." I reply, sitting back down with my legs crossed.
The reason that idea seemed so damn dumb even with my intelligence is because I'm actually having and internal debate about weather or not I should just tell Starlight I know her past and help her now, or wait and try to keep the timeline on track. I really don't know what do to in this situation. So I decide to try kind of hinting Starlight of my dilemma, basically telling her my problem without the details of what it's about.
"Hey, Starlight, I'm kind of having a bit of trouble concentrating. I know things I shouldn't and I keep thinking about if I should use this knowledge to help with the risk of messing up more of my knowledge, or just keep it to myself and continue to know how things are going to happen. What do you think I should do?" I ask her.
"Hmm, that's a tough question. Let me think about it." She tells me before going quiet again. I just wait a few minutes for a response, and a few minutes is all it takes.
"I think you should share your knowledge if it can help, and having some of your knowledge be wrong wouldn't be so bad in my opinion. If I knew what was going to happen all the time, I would get pretty bored." She says, and now that it's put out that way I kind of agree with her. I won't be telling her yet though.
"Well, I think I'm gonna go to Ponyville for a bit, go invisible, take a walk, maybe even spy on Twilight." I say, standing up.
"I'll go with you then, maybe we will see something we can use to our advantage." Starlight says, getting up as well.
"Alright then, let's go!" I say. She walks up to me and prepares a teleport to Ponyville, and I prepare myself to feel teleporting by unicorn spell as it might feel different than just seeing stuff around you change.
"Ready?" Starlight asks.
"Yeah." I reply. Suddenly it feels like I've been condensed into a ball... Well that's not accurate, it just seems more like everything around me is just way bigger. And then we sling off, and It's actually less exciting than I thought it would be, it just feels like suddenly going at train speed and then said train starts immediately slowing down to a stop, the stopping point being where we arrive.
And here we are, right in the middle of a random empty street in Ponyville!
"Can you turn us transparent or something now Starlight?" I ask her.
"Uhh, I though you were gonna do it, you did say you were going here invisible." She answers, looking at me.
"Well, it only works on myself, and it's less like invisibility and more like making every living thing ignore me." I reply.
"I'll do it then, I guess." She says, charging her magic again to do the spell. While she does this I think for a moment. Can I do other things with my powers? Obviously, but what? I have notarget, /tp, playsound, emiteffect, and probably noclip too... Can I use setmodel? As soon as I finish that thought, Starlight and I become invisible. Neat. We start walking to the tree castle and Starlight proceeds to ask me how I knew Twilight lives here. Is that even a real question?
"Uhh, because she's a PRINCESS, and she has a big ass castle. Duh." I say because it should be obvious. Starlight looks a little bit embarrassed by that, making me feel bad for saying it like that.
"Sorry, I said that a bit rudely." I apologize to her, to which she just nods. We continue to walk there in silence until I hear something that honestly terrifies me.
"Ohhh! My Pinkie Sense is telling me there's somepony hiding somewhere!" Pinkie Pie shouts from a distance. I immediately start to visibly freak the fuck out... Well actually I INvisibly freak out, but Starlight can still see me and her seeing me freak out makes her a little bit scared.
"What? What is it? Why are you shaking?" Starlight asks me worriedly. I just freeze and turn to her slowly.
"The Pink One has detected us." I say, dead serious. I'm internally flipping my shit because I don't know if my powers will save me if Pinkie finds me, as she has strange powers of her own. Randomly just knowing things, fitting herself into spaces smaller than her own body, appearing out of nowhere, fitting a CANNON in her mane and much, MUCH more. It truly scares me, so I quickly explain all this to Starlight, and she starts to freak out too.
"How does that even work? Will she be able to find us?" She asks me quickly, pacing on the spot and looking around.
"... I don't know." I tell her seriously. Just then, at that moment, I get a brilliant idea. Actually it's a really fucking stupid idea but an idea none the less.
I pause, and check all my commands in the console, before I find what I was asking myself about earlier. I type the commands quickly, even though time is frozen.
'setmodel'
A huge list appears in front of me, and this list has just about every object and creature in the universe, even some stuff from other universes including the entire fucking Death Star for some reason. I keep searching and I find a folder with all the ponies, including a customizable model, which is very convenient. I finish typing the command.
'setmodel models/mlp/ponies/custom_pony.mdl'
Suddenly I look just like what I was thinking of, a unicorn stallion with an orange coat and a lighting bolt colored yellow spiky mane and tail. I also appear to have neon green eyes, which I don't know how the fuck I can tell my eye color without a mirror. I turn my head to see my cutie mark. My cutie mark is a circle, the upper left half looking like a black wire that's been cut in half, with red, green and blue smaller wires sticking out of each side, the blue wires touching. The lower right half looks like it's white wireframe. I think I might use this disguise often.
Just before I unpause, I think about what Starlight's reaction will be, which will probably be confusion and shock plastered on her face. I chuckle at the image despite the whole Pinkie Pie situation. I unpause.
I look at Starlight and see that her reaction is just what I expected.
"Yeah, apparently I can shapeshift too, get used to it. Anyways, I have a crazy stupid plan, but it's the best I got." I tell her. She just glares at me for a moment.
"What is this plan?" She asks after dropping her glare.
Getting rid of Pinkie Pie was MUCH easier than I thought it would be. I essentially just told Starlight to make only me visible, and when Pinkie Pie came up to me, I started my lie and told her I'm new in Ponyville, and before I could finish, she immediately ran off to start a surprise party.
Honestly, what was I really even expecting? I turn to a befuddled Starlight, shrug shakily and decide to make a save real quick.
"Pause." I whisper under my breath, time once again halting in an instant. I press save and-
"1 Update(s) are available. Download?" a sudden message appears, with a Yes and a Download Later button.
Oh, an update?
...
What the hell, why not? I press yes, and another message pops up, with the following text.
"//Changelog +Added Garry's Mod ULX commands +Added Lua functionality and tutorials. +You can now verbally use commands, as long as you say it in a commanding voice. +Can now use any glitch from any game. -Removed Herobrine."
Sweet, ULX commands equals even more power! I think to myself. And if Lua works the same as it does for Garry's Mod, I could make my own weapons!
"Unpause." And the world starts up again. "Starlight, can you turn me invisible again?"
"Sure?" She says, still surprised at how easy it was to trick Pinkie Pie. Her horn lights up and once again I'm invisible.
"Neat-os Cheetos," I say. Starlight looks at me questioningly.
"What?"
"What?" I reply. A pause later (a pause in conversation, not a game pause) and we set off to Twilight's castle.
A few minutes later and we are inside the castle, looking for a way to ruin Twilight's life I guess, and by WE I mean Starlight.
I'm just in the map room eating a bag of Cheetos I created, sitting in Rainbow Dash's chair, still in pony form with my hind hooves over the edge of the seat.
To anyone else it may appear that I'm just a random guy being bored, but I know the truth...
I really am just a random guy being bored.
"Jeez, I'm actually in Equestria and here I am, eating a cheese flavored puff snack while waiting on someone... I guess that's just something that doesn't change." I say to myself, shoving another hoofful into my mouth.
"I mean really, I literally have super powers and I'm in a world where fucking hydra's exist!" I continue speaking with my mouth full.
"You know what? That's what I want to do, I'm gonna go fight a hydra!" I raise my fore hooves into the air, spilling all the Cheetos all over the table and floor. I look down at my mess and frown.
"Eh, I'll do that later actually, Ent_remove_all Cheetos." I say out loud. The Cheetos on the map and floor promptly disappear. I chuckle a bit.
"Little did he know, his actions caused every single store in the world to run out of all cheese flavored puff-like snacks. Equestria is forever doomed." I roll my eyes with a smile. I start to hear steps from outside the door and I immediately notarget myself, just in case it's Twilight or whoever else.
To my somewhat-ish surprise, it's actually Spike who walks into the room, and this gives me an idea.
If Spike can make friends with a quote unquote scary changeling, then maybe he could make friends with me, and I can get his help to get ponies to like me. I think to myself as I walk behind him, preparing to un-notarget myself. I also make sure to turn myself back into a human.
"Notarget," I pause to make sure it actually worked, then I say "Hello!"
"GAH!" Spike shouts, jumping into the air like a cat, then whirling around to face me. "Who's there- whaaaaaaaaa?" He stops mid sentence, clearly already confused about what I even am. I clear my throat.
"Hi, I'm Stanley, nice to meet ya." I say as casually as possible. Spike just keeps looking up at me with clear distrust in his eyes... but not a lot of fear.
Perfect.
"Who-What are you?" Spike asks with a sort of confused glare? I throw my arms out like a magician with a cool cape.
"I'm a Human! Want to be friends?" I ask nicely, moving one arm behind me and one in front of me for a handshake.
"Uhh." He stares at my hand, obviously very puzzled. Then he very slowly and hesitantly moves his own claw forward. "Sure?" he says, still confused, before finishing the handshake and quickly retracting his claw.
"Great! Want some Cheetos?" I ask, before pausing, creating more Cheetos with the console, and unpausing. Spike looks toward the bag, then back at me, then the bag, then me, then I create another bag, and he looks at it, then me, then he crosses his eyes and looks at both bags. The entire time this goes on I just have a growing grin.
"Uh, okay?" He finally says, prompting me to toss him a bag. I then sit back down on one of the thrones, and Spike takes the one opposite from me. I open my bag and begin to eat the puffs.
Spike slowly opens his own bag, still looking at me with a strange expression, before taking one out, examining it, and popping it into his mouth.
"Huh, not bad." He comments, surprised.
"I know, Cheetos are great. Kind of messy sometimes though." I reply with my mouth full.
We both just sit there, eating.
He throws me some strange looks at first, but slowly just grows a bored expression, as I do the same.
After a few minutes, he actually looks like he's getting used to me
"SPIKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Twilight yells as she enters the room. Both Spike and I turn to her in surprise.
"...Eating?" he suggests. I try to hold in my laugh, and end up doing that snort-like sound.
"WITH A MONSTER!?" She yells again.
"...Maybe?" And I lose it.
"Hahahaha the-the slow, a-and casual responses are getting to me! Hahaha!" I laugh, almost falling off the chair. Twilight turns to me with a glare that could make someone think they just kicked a puppy... If the glare wasn't on a cute and small purple unicorn. But since it IS on a purple unicorn, it just makes me laugh harder.
But then she lights her horn, and I stop.
"I think I'm gonna run now." I tell Spike, before booking it harder than the Flash ever did, running straight out of the map room and into the halls. Twilight quickly gives chase, running after me with an almost murderous look. I'm not really scared of Twilight at all, I'm just running to not give away that I'm actually super powerful.
I turn to look behind me just as Twilight shoots a beam of magic, the laser narrowly missing me as I turn a corner.
Ahead of me is a tall staircase, and Twilight lights her horn and hits the stairs with a beam, just before I reach them. The staircase starts to look like it's stretching, almost as if it's becoming infinite-
I know what I must do now. It is my duty.
I turn around and jump away from the stairs, and begin to adjust my momentum so I start jumping backwards. As soon as I actually reach the stairs, I jump back again, and again, and again. each time getting faster.
"Woo! Shoutouts to SimpleFlips!" I yell as I obtain a ridiculous amount of speed. After a few seconds, I zip up to the top of the staircase, and slide backwards towards the end of the hall. At the speed I'm going, I'm able to phase straight through the wall and out of the castle... from the upper floors.
"OH SHIT!" I yell as I begin to fall. I keep yelling for a bit, still having all of that speed launches me very far.
As I fall I quickly notice a very small amount of water to my right, and I begin to rotate my momentum, and air-strafe into the super shallow water.
It is a natural law of Minecraft that even the smallest bit of liquid can and will negate all fall damage.
I land in the water, and almost immediately lose all of my built up speed.
I stand there frozen in disbelief.
Then I crack.
"heh, heheh, heHehHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I jump up and down with my arms in the air, laughing like a mad man.
"WOOOOOOO! That felt like a fucking roller coaster!" I shout, seeing that I'm actually very far from Ponyville now.
"Hooooooooooooly shit- wait." I pause.
"I FORGOT STARLIGHT! FU- oh right I have ULX now." I begin to command "!Bring 'Starlight Glimmer'" And Starlight appears right next to me. her hooves wet from the water that I'm still standing in.
"Wh-what?" She jumps at the sudden change in her surroundings, causing her to fall half way into the water.
I laugh, and purposely fall into the water on my stomach right next to her.
"Hi, hows it going?" I casually say.
Starlight begins to laugh a bit too, just at the fact that I'm all wet now and talking like there's nothing wrong with it.
"I'm pooped, lets go back to the cave or something." I suggest.
She lights her horn and we shoot off towards the cave.
Okay, so we're back in the cave, once again with nothing to do. Hopefully Twilight doesn't have a way to track me or anything, but I hope even more that Spike takes my side on things, or at least tries to talk to Twilight and convince her I'm not evil incarnate.
Starlight clears her throat.
"So, what exactly happened? One minute I was looking through Twilight's room, and the next I'm in a small puddle of water with you." She asks.
"I was caught but I escaped and pulled you out with me." I simply say.
"Wait, they saw you!?" She yells, the words echoing in the empty cave.
"Yep, I was hanging out with Spike, eating food, and then Twilight ran in and chased me down a hall. I pulled a new ability out of my ass and escaped. It was kind of fun!" I say excitedly, remembering how thrilling it was to be launched out of a castle at what was nearly the speed of sound. "Oh, and don't worry, they didn't even know you were there." I add.
"Oh, I thought you were going to blow my cover." She says, before thinking for a moment. "Wait, what exactly are your abilities?"
"Oh boy, It would take a while to list them all, so I'm just going to describe what I've used so far. I can teleport myself and others, create anything, make every living thing ignore me as if I don't even exist, I can absolutely fuck with stairs and use them to build up speed, make myself literally indestructible, I can emit audio from my being, use water to completely avoid any damage from falling and I can freeze time."
Starlight begins to look at me skeptically.
"Okay then, make a portal." She says.
"Alrighty." I pause and within the console I type 'give_portalgun', before unpausing once again. Starlight looks at the Aperture Portal Gun in my hand as I aim it at a wall.
Then I pull the trigger. The portal hits the wall with a sci-fi noise and instantly dissipates.
"Uh, hold up for a moment." I say to starlight, her looking smug while I pause again. I switch back to the console and type 'sv_portal_placement_never_fail 1' and unpause again.
"I knew you couldn't-"
I fire again, just below my feet. The orange oval shaped portal appears succesfully this time.
Starlight's eyes widen, before she looks at me with a deadpan expression.
"That portal obviously doesn't lead anywhere, you're literally standing on it." She says, pointing to my feet.
"Uh, obviously! I haven't placed the other portal yet!" I say, aiming the gun above my head.
Here we go!
I fire.
Immediately I begin to fall into the orange portal and out of the blue one, landing straight back into the orange one again over and over and over.
"WOOOO! PERPETUAL MOTION BITCH!" I yell as the air rushes past me. Starlight just watches me fall with a dumbfounded expression.
"W-Wait, how are you going to get out of that?" She asks me as I continue yelling.
"I'LL JUST DO THIS! NOCLIP!" I command, immediately freezing myself in the air. I then move forward a bit, out from over the portal.
"Noclip." I command a second time, dropping myself onto the ground. Starlight continues to look at me confusedly, before I begin to think of something to completely break her, and maybe even make a new friend.
Muahahahahaha.
"Pause." As soon as I pause, I begin to slowly type the command for dramatic effect.
"ulx bring Discord" Enter. Suddenly a white box appears in my vision.
'Something is creating script errors'
...What?
I retype the command.
'Something is creating script errors'
Damn! I guess cheats still aren't any match for Discord, although if I'm weaker than him, and he's weaker than the Elements of Harmony, then I could be turned to stone or something if they're used against me... Huh.
I decide to unpause-
"1 Update(s) are available. Download?"
Already? Cool! I accept the download, and immediately I feel... how do I describe it? Loose? Less constrained? I check the new popup.
"//Changelog +Added the ability to alter the bones and meshes of your body on the fly. +Added the ability to use Garry's Mod addons, as long as you understand how they made them work. +Added Sonic 3 debug mode. -Removed Herobrine."
Oh shit boy, I can shape shift AND use addons!? This keeps getting better and better! Although I don't know what I would use debug mode for. Maybe I'll mess with the gravity reversing thing? Oh well. Let's test this addon thing real quick.
I begin to think of a certain addon that will allow me to freeze time without pausing, allowing me to move.
Really all they did was have all velocity rapidly decrease for everything and disable thinking for all NPCs... OH and it froze their animations and other players too.
And I felt it. A sort of extra information attaching itself to my brain.
"Hohoho, lets try this shit!"
I unpause and begin to ask Starlight a question.
"Want to see something cool?"
"Uh sure?-" I interrupt her with the magic words.
"ZA WARUDO!"
Instead of time just halting to a stop with no real indication, my vision warps and all the colors invert, before quickly desaturating, becoming dull.
I sprint towards Starlight and stop right in front of her, before it runs out, and time begins to flow again.
"WRYYYYYYYY!" I scream.
"GAH!" She falls, startled to death by my amazing abilities.
"Hahahahahahah! Gotchya! WOO!" I laugh. She just glares at me, before lighting her horn and preparing a spell.
"Oh shit."
The beam hits me, and all the sudden I begin to shrink down.
"Aw come on, it was funny!" I say, my voice progressively getting higher pitched as I say it.
"No it wasn't!" She yells.
I decide to end the shrinking with another command.
"ent_fire !self setmodelscale 1" I return to normal size and the shrinking stops as well. She just glares harder.
"Well," I start, "That was fun, but now I'm tired, I'm gonna take a nap."
"You better hope I don't teleport you into a volcano." She threats.
"Honestly, since I'm literally indestructible, that would probably just feel like a hot bath to me... I might try that actually!" I say, before laying down, pausing and saving.
I think I can sleep while paused, so I'll be up and ready to go in no time... LITERALLY!