Phony Psychic
It was a beautiful day in Manehatten.
The pegasi had made it so it wasn't too hot and the sky was a beautiful blue that gave Misty Rose a sense of accomplishments as well as the pleasure from her last night meet up with Anarchy. Luna and Discord's daughter may be very well behaved in public, but the bit marks on Misty's neck told a completely different story of what the hybrid is like in private. And, if that wasn't good enough, she got to cash in on the reward the MPD sent out because she gave a tip which unraveled the whole case!
Yeah, life was good. Life was great.
A couple of ponies stare when Misty gets out of the carriage right outside the MPD. She didn't look any different from any other earth pony; she was slightly smaller than average with a pure white coat, and a wavy pink mane with orange and yellow streaks in it. Her cutie mark was strange; a weird explosion of colors, meant to symbolize her intelligence and charisma. But, other than that, she appeared to be completely normal.
But, of course ponies recognized her.
Misty's parents were Pinkie Pie, the element of Laughter, and Prince Blueblood. The two had divorced when she was younger, with Blueblood taking custody of Misty's sister Rose Quartz, while Pinkie taking Misty away from Canterlot, and moving back into Ponyville. The breakup had been on the cover of every magazine for months.
And, even if ponies didn't know that, they may recognize her through her new stepmom, Rainbow Dash. She and Pinkie had married a couple of years after they had moved back into Ponyville, and, being a Wonderbolt, Rainbow was very famous.
Thankfully, she had also been the one who taught Misty how to strut.
She walked up the steps with a small bounce in her steps, shaking off the feeling of eyes training her every move, like she was a bomb waiting to go off. They definitely know me through dad, she thought, and that thought made her lips pull up in a smile.
She sees one stallion, a pudgy unicorn, physically blanch as she passes, and it's all she can do not to burst out laughing. As it is, she gives him a grin, and he flinches like she punched him across the face. She preens a little. She's a good mare, most of the time, but this has always been a game she liked to play.
Misty enters the Manehatten Police Department without incident, and is almost immediately hit with deja vu.
She had been in Police Departments before, and every single one of them looked the same, with a similar layout, furniture, and even the officers could look alike, as for some reason they were almost always shades of blue or grey with a badge for a cutie mark.
It always reminded Misty of a hive, with the worker bee's rushing back and forth to please their queen, in this case the captain of the MPD.
She saunters up to the desk, where a glass barrier is between her and another mare, a pegasus, who seems to be in deep discussion with the unicorn behind her. The Departments insignia is plastered onto the glass, and files are tacked up onto the wall. Around the pegasus neck in a crystal with strange symbols on it. She looks down at the pegasus' name tag, which reads Blind Spot, and gives her the Patented Pie Smile.
Blind Spot doesn't notice, or doesn't care, instead continuing to yammer on to her friend. Misty gives the station one last look over. First thing noted; entrances and exits, then ponies and threats and then weapons and defenses. She turns back to the officer to give her a once over. She's talking about psychics, and Misty has to stifle a snort. Oh the things she could tell her about psychics . .
It seems Blind Spot recently went to a psychic, which is where she got the crystals. They were fake of course, you can't be a Pie without being able to spot the difference between a magically charged crystal, and a plain one. Though they do look authentic, one even looking like the one Aunt Maudie had in her home.
Misty wrinkles her nose, and decides to go on a more vocal approach. "Hi there" she said, raising a hoof to wave, and rocking back and forth on the other three.
Blind Spot doesn't look around. "I know, it was amazing," she gushes to her friend instead. Her friend, meanwhile, swivels her head to meet Misty's charming yet annoyed smile.
"I'm Misty Rose," she announced, hoping at least that would get some sort of response. And, thankfully, it did, with both the unicorn and the pegasus pointing to the benches behind her, before returning to their conversation.
On the benches is a huge, hulking stallion, who was taking up most of the space on the metal seats. He was one of the ponies that Misty had sorted under threat. He is scowling at everypony, and his hooves are hoofcuffed together. Everyone is avoiding him, and Misty just barely stifles a terrified squeak.
"Oh," she said in a strained voice. "Oh, no, that's not for me. I uh, called in a tip, I'm here for my reward."
Blind Spot glares up at Misty, and empathetically points to the bench, annoyance and irritation clear. Misty, in return, stares right back, impassive. She had gone up against her father, she could handle this mare.
Slowly, the pegasus turned back to her friend, and started talking to her again. Misty seethed, and pulled herself closer, so her muzzle was almost against the glass. "Okay, look, here's the thing" she starts, and shifts her weight onto her two hind legs, standing completely straight. "When my coat gets dirty, it takes ages to get it off."
Blind Spot turned back to her, face livid , and pointed, very obviously, towards the bench. "Clearly you feel very strongly about this," Misty says, and drops down to all fours to trot over to her demise.
She reaches the bench, and one of the first things she notices is how the metal seat is smaller than it seemed when Misty first thought it was when she walked in. The stallion sitting on it is taking up half of the whole bench, wherein four ponies could comfortably sit there without touching each other.
Misty tries to do just that, sitting as far away as possible without making eye contact, but then she saw the words Bloodthirsty on his chest, and you know her, no self control.
"Get out of here," Misty guffaws, and the stallion turns to her, and for a split second Misty sees interest. "You know" she starts, then gives one of her sudden grins. "I have the same tattoo" the stallion glared down at her, and she took this as her cue to push on. "They spelled Bloodthirsty wrong, can you believe it?"
The stallion lunges for her, but all Misty has to do is lean back to stop herself from being bludgeoned half to death. The cuffs do the rest of the work. "Nice try, big guy, A for effort, and all that."
She gives him a quick once over. Male, mid-forties, divorced, three kids, and her eyes hone in on a shard of broken glass. Breaking and entering, she concluded, before the sound of a creaky door opening caught her already short attention.
A light blue pegasus was looking at a picture in his hooves, an anxious expression on his face. Oh, the wife's due soon. She leans back in her chair, careful of her neighbor, and is seriously considering getting some sleep, when the blue pegasus snaps her from her thoughts with a "Miss Rose?"
"Call me Misty."
"Please follow me."
Misty does just that, following him into a room that seems to be mainly glass, with shutters surrounding it. A long oak table was in the middle of it, with twenty eight seats surrounding it. Near the head was a yellow unicorn and a . . zebra. Huh, you don't see that everyday.
"Please have a seat," the zebra says, and she does just that. Finally, I can get my money and be on my way. I promised Annie I would watch Season 6 of How I met your Mare, and she will kill me if I'm not there.
"So, do I need to, like sign papers or something?" It seemed like a fair question to ask, she wasn't really sure what to expect when calling in a reward.
What she didn't expect was for the three police officers to give her a confused look, and for the unicorn to ask "for what?"
"Uh . . my reward? The guy confessed, right?" The three exchanged another look, and Misty's chest felt tight all of a sudden, because this wasn't just filing out paperwork, this was an interrogation.
"Actually, we have some questions ourselves" the zebra said, and the three stallions straightened up, clearly trying to radiate control and patience while still trying to intimidate her, and hell no. Her father is Equestria's biggest whore, and both her mom and stepmom are the saviors of Equestria. In a battle of intimidation, she is not going to lose.
But she does play along, cause she's a Pie, and she likes to play games. "What kind of questions?" She asked, sliding into a seat across from them.
"Where were you the night of the museum robbery?" The unicorn asks bluntly, referring to the robbery of which Misty sent a tip in.
"I was making out with Luna and Discord's daughter, Anarchy" Misty said, completely deadpan and straight faced.
The zebra snorted. "You really expect us to believe that you were kissing a princess? Or that you could" he checks his notes, squinting "tell who the culprit was because of dust on his uniform?"
"Okay, look, there's no way dust would gather near the top of his uniform unless he was carrying something on his back," She explained as quickly as she could. "And former princess" Misty corrected, frowning slightly. "She abdicated, remember? Besides-" she broke out into a huge grin. "Would it help if I told you I had been turned into a frog?"
Yellow slammed his hoof on the table, genuinly startling her. "Cut the crap" he spat. "You're not helping your case."
It took about two seconds for what he just said to catch up to her. "I'm a suspect?" She asked, incredulous, jaw dropping at the idea of it.
"Oh, you're our lead suspect," Yellow says with a nod of his head, a slight smirk on his lips. Misty fights the urge to punch him. It wouldn't help matters at all.
"But I thought you caught the guy!" She protested, voice raising audibly.
"Yeah well, it was a two pony job at least."
"And so it must be me?" Misty felt vaguely offended. "Look at me, how would I even do that?"
"I don't see why not," Yellow shrugged, and Misty gritted her teeth as he pulled out a file. "You've done singlestick since you were a filly, you are extremely agile" he glanced up as he added "enough to fit yourself through a small window and your mother lost a lot of money when she divorced your father."
Misty's laugh was more than a little bitter. "Yeah, she lost a lot of money, but she gained a lot of things too; better friends, a happier environment, a new wife, a life without her husband. And hey" she shrugged carelessly "if I was going to steal, I would probably ransack dad's house, not a museum. I'm not an animal."
"You have a criminal record."
"I spray painted on my dad's building. I was going through an emo phase, sue me."
Yellow smirked, and shook his head. "Sue? Oh no, we're just going to arrest you." He turned to the zebra and the pegasus. "Cuff 'em."
"Oh my- really?" Misty asked as she was forced to her hooves. "It's literally across the hall, I can see it from here" she complained as she was jostled out the door. And it was true, she could see the cells. The cells with only one toilet, and were full of sweaty stallions and-
She gulped, and the zebra seemed to take notice of this. "If you could give us a plausible explanation," he suggests, and aw, he is the good cop.
But she didn't know what to say, until she saw Blind Spot come trotting over, and saw the crystal around her neck.
Misty wrenches herself out of their grips, and throws her hooves in the air.
"Okay," Misty says. "Okay. Fine. You win. I got the information because. . . ."
There's a collective bated breath.
"I am a psychic."
Blind Spot drops her cuffs.
Psychic.
A fucking psychic.
Oh, Gods this had to be the stupidest idea she had ever had in her entire life.
She would normally facehoof at the outrageous lie, but all eyes were on her at this point, so she shrugged instead. "A medium, if you will" she adds, and yep, she's screwed.
Yellow looks like he's going to burst. "For the love of- get her out of here! She's crazy!"
But, never do anything by halves if you want to get away with it. Be outrageous. Go the whole hog. Make sure everything you do is so completely crazy it's believable.
So Misty stood up completely straight on her hind legs, making her taller than all the others, who all fell silent at this strange show of balance. She closed her eyes an channeled earth pony magic, letting the air crackle with sudden energy. "Oh!" She says, just to make sure she has everyone's attention.
She snaps her eyes open, and instantly hones in on Blind Spot. Mare, pegasus, slightly overweight, has two cats, is a widow, want to adopt, and smiles at her. "Your husband approves of your choice in Adoption Centers," she says in a slow, calm voice, attempting to mimic her moms Madame Pinkie voice.
"Y-you spoke to him?" She asks, voice soft, and Misty quietly nuzzles her.
"Yes, he's safe, and so very,very proud of you."
Tears fill Blind Spot's eyes, but Misty is dragged away by the Zebra asking. "Just so we're all clear, you're claiming to be able to see the dead?"
Inspiration!
Misty smiled serenely, and stretched her neck in an attempt to look regal. "It runs in my family, you know" she winked. "My mom's side can all tell the future. Princess Twilight wrote a paper about it once." She let that hang in the air for a moment, before turning to the blue pegasus. "When's she due?"
"Two weeks" he answered automatically, before his brain caught up. "Wait. How did you-"
"I'm gifted" she says, shrugging, before turning around, and starting to advance on Yellow and Zebra, both of whom backed up. Ah, how the tables have turned.
"I know." She says, when she was muzzle to muzzle with Yellow. "Go to detention room 2, and interrogate your suspect. All the evidence you'll need" she remembered the glass "is in his mane."
Seeing their confused looks, Misty instead turned her attention back to Blind Spot. "Am I free to go now? Also, can I please have my reward money?"
It is an estatic and two hundred bits richer Misty Rose that leaves the station.
She's barely down the flight of stairs when she leaps into the air, giggling like a madmare. Once on level ground, she does a little dance very similar to her mom's bouncy way of walking. She cartwheels, ignoring the stares of others around her because this feels so much better.
It had been crazy in there. Everyone was way too intense, and made her tense. It ruined her aura, her vibes, her gorgeous mane. It wasn't as terrifying as Fillydelphia or as stressful as Appleoosa, but it had been scary. But she didn't have to worry about that now, now could go home and mock Annie's favorite TV shows.
Speaking of which . . .
When Anarchy had first set up their mental link, she had given her signifigant other, she had given Misty a warning that it only worked if they were within a certain distance of each other. When she was in the station, she had been outside the area, but Anne was closer now, as was she, so . . .
She frowned as she cast out her thoughts to her lover. Anne? You there? Hope. Anticipation.
Something wrong? Confusion. Worry
No,no, everything's fine, had a bit of a scare, that's all, but I'll be there in time, Pinkie Promise! Sincere. Excited.
"Misty Rose, was it?" A voice asked from behind, and Misty felt her ears flatten.
Crap.
Missy? What's wrong? Anxiety. Fear.
Misty turns slowly, as if dragging it out would increase the odds of her escape.
No such luck, for standing in front of her was Barricade, the Captain of the MPD. His face is set in a smile, but there's steel behind it, and his posture reeks of confidence.
Oh Gods, it's an older, male her.
He takes a couple of steps towards her, and Misty actually has to fight the response to back up. Behind Barricade, she can see Yellow and Zebra appear to watch whatever's happening.
What's wrong? Do I need to come over there? Concern. I'm coming over there.
Barricade follows her line of sight, and smiles. "I see you've already met Sun Shield and Ink Blot." The unicorn, Sun Shield, just scowled at her, while the zebra, Ink Blot gave her a sheepish smile.
"Heard what happened in there," he said, jerking his head behind him to the station.
"Ah, well, if you're going to apologize for wrongly accusing me, don' bother, I'm over it. Totally."
Barricade let out a laugh. "I'm not here to apologize, the exact opposite actually."
Oh shit. Panic. Fear. ANARCHY!
Space itself collapses inwards as a shadow falls to the ground. Everypony except for Misty looked up just in time to see the shape vanish, only to reappear beside Misty.
Let it not be said that Luna and Discord's daughter wasn't an imposing figure. With her lean, lanky body, she dwarfed all ponykind easily (which was why she usually went out disguised as a unicorn). Her fangs, batwings, dragon tail, as well as the fact that her front hooves were actually paws, and her back legs were dragons claws. Add in the fact that save for her pure white mane, she was mainly shades of muted grey blue and black, and you have one intimidating creature.
Misty didn't even bat an eyelash during any of this. While everyone else processed that (former) royalty was in their presence, she instead leaned up to nuzzle the draconequine. Anarchy wasn't a very touchy feely creature, but she allowed Misty to get her point across.
When she was sure she had given the officers enough time to reboot, she turned back to them, to find more policeponies than ever standing on the steps, gaping at the two lovers. Barricade, on the other hoof, just looked thoughtful. "There's a cold case we have been trying to close, about a colt getting stuffed into a wood chipper" he said at last.
Annie bristles beside her, and Misty glared. "Oh, come on" she complained. "I had nothing to do with that!" Anne nods beside her, baring her fangs, annoyed.
"Would you like to?"
This pulls the two up short, and they stare, disbelieving at Barricade, who turns to the growing crowd of officers. "Ink Blot! Please send Misty Rose all relevant info on the Wood chipper case, alright?" The zebra gave a snappy salute, before racing off.
"Wait, what's happening?" Misty asked, feeling bewildered.
"I am offering you a job, Misty, to work for us as a consultant. I know this may need some consideration on your part, but I do want you to at lest look over the files and-"
"Yes!" Misty broke out into another round of spontaneous dancing, this time using Anarchy's neck as a pole.
" . . . Glad to see you agree" Barricade turned to go, before stopping, and turning back around. "Oh, and if this turns out to be some kind of trick" he leaned forwards. "We will prosecute. Good luck!"
With that, he climbed the steps back into the station, with his men and women following behind. Ink Blot handed Misty the file, and gave Anne a shy smile, before heading back inside himself.
After a few beats of silence, Anarchy turned to Misty Rose, clearly confused.
"What the fuck have you done now?"