> The Good Monster
>  by Yellowtail
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue: The Unusual Day (Reset)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Prologue: The Unusual Day


I shake my head, leaning against a brick wall outside of Starbucks. I pull my phone from a pocket of my red hoodie. I check my grey shirt and jeans to make sure they’re dry before checking the time. It’s almost six in the evening, and I’ve gotten a bunch of emails. I quickly unlock my phone and skim through it. Damn, college is hounding me. They say “Treat school like a job”, and they aren’t kidding. I’m like, 19 and they’re already tryna suck my soul through the endless bullshit work they’re giving me. “Tch, fucking assholes,” I mutter. I don’t really like some of my professors. Except my Biology professor, he’s nice. However, he’s not what gets me through a boring day and endless glorified homework. 

“Hey Max!” A voice calls. Ah, speak of the devil, it’s David, or Dave for short. I smile. 

“Sonova bitch, there you are,” I reply, thanking God silently. “I’ve been waiting for fucking ever.” I look over, across the street and towards my one friend. Dave’s hurriedly walking over in a black leather jacket, jeans, a Punisher t-shirt, and a hat. His black, combed back hair combined with the hat makes him look like a skinny version of Jotaro Kujo.  I snickered as he sighs.

“Sorry, my dad needed his truck. Never thought he’d pull one over on me and ask last minute,” he says. I scoff.

“He always does that to you man. Now come on, we get together like, every other month, and I’ve got some bullshit to tell you,” I say. “And I sure as hell ain’t gonna tell you about it outside, now come on, that mocha frappe’s calling to me like a siren out at sea.” You see, we’ve always kept in touch for the longest time, and getting together has been rare at this point. Dave laughs.

“What, are you ready to embrace your diabetes?” He asks. I bark a laugh as I open the door for him to walk through.

“Please, if I wanna die that badly, I’d just eat your cooking,” I say. He shakes his head.

“Fuck off, I’m ten times better at baking then you are,” he says.

“And I’m the one who can make a medium-rare burger taste like the second coming of Christ,” I say, following him.

We sit at a small table in the corner, as the sounds of coffee-machines, typing keyboards, and quiet chatter surround us. I went ahead and took the liberty to get me a biscotti. I unwrap it from its plastic and take a bite. Dry, crunchy, delicious. “... Did you seriously eat it dry?” Dave asks as he looks up from his phone. I wordlessly nod. “You’re supposed to dip it in coffee.” I deadpan at him.

“Bitch, I’ve been looking forward to this delectable treat the moment you mentioned Starbucks. Now, I dunno about you, but I’m the type of guy that enjoys how I eat things. So if you don’t mind-“ I stop to give a slower, more satisfying crunch, staring Dave dead in his eyes as I do so. He sighs.

“Deep fried Oreos, barely cooked burgers, and now dry biscotti. What other crimes are you gonna commit?” He asks. I roll my eyes.

“Hey, don’t tell me they’re a sin against God, Mr I-Never-Had-Butter-Cake,” I point out. He laughs. 

“Alright, fine. Let’s talk about something other than food. Did I tell you about the incident with my art teacher?” He asks. I quirk an eyebrow.

“Uh, no. You said he was being a dick, but not much else,” I say, taking a large sip of my mocha. 

“Well- this dude asked me to make an entirely new font. But, when I showed it to him, he called it comic sans,” Dave says. I snicker. 

“That’s a big oof,” I say.

“No- what’s worse, is that I looked between them, and I said they didn’t look like it to me. So, his response was to fail it,” he says. I shake my head.

“That’s not right,” I say. “Lemme see what those letters look like.” Dave pulls out his phone and shows it to me. I look at them, eyeing them up and down before chuckling. “Damn, they kinda do look like comic sans.” Dave glares at me. I hold a hand up. “Hey hey, don’t hate on me too much, I’ve got a shitty story to tell you too.” I chuckle and think back to a couple weeks ago. “My English professor told us to write an essay to answer a few questions. I turned mine in early on Tuesday. Asshat tells me to redo it Friday, and turn it in before Saturday.” Dave scoffs.

“At least you got a chance,” he says. I quickly flip him off with a smile, to which he laughs. “Man, you would hate being an art major, teachers are really inconsistent and ditzy.” I sigh, rubbing my forehead.

“Please, my professor isn’t any different. He may be teaching us how to write arguments, but it’s like he thinks he’s in a grand play about overcoming the difficulties of man.” Dave nods.

“That’s what you get for wanting to be a journalist,” he says. 

“Correction, games journalist,” I say.

“Potato potahto,” Dave replies. His phone suddenly pings, and checks it. He sighs. “Damn. Another fire broke out.” I get up to peek over the top of his phone, catching a glimpse of a wall of text and some pictures of fire. “It says that a failed robbery lead to some desperate measures.” I frown, sitting down. 

“So, what, did the robbers set the place on fire, just because things didn’t go their way?” I ask. He nods.

“Yeah, when they were cornered, they set fire by using a match and some alcohol they found. The couple that lived in there are at the hospital, along with the robbers.” I scowl at the thought, of burning down someone’s home just because you couldn’t rob them. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s senseless vengeful spite.

“Fucking asshole. I hope he’s dead in the morning,” I say. Dave sighs. 

“Max, please don’t-“

“Why does this shit happen all the time?” I ask. “Someone’s always murdering someone, stealing, angry, miserable-“ I sip on my mocha. “-why can’t we ever do anything to really help?” Dave sighs.

“Max, I’ve known you for five years, but I know you’re smart enough to know the answer,” he says. I sigh, biting the biscotti. 

“I mean, surely someone in the world can do something, right?” I ask. “Is it too much to ask for someone to help?” 

“... It sucks, I know,” he starts. “But Max, I’d like to believe that a lot of things happen for a reason. Like how you believe in God and stuff, I just kinda believe in Fate.” I nod, remembering the various times he’s told me this. “Let me tell you, I’m absolutely certain that things might get better. After all, it’s kind of happened before.” I nod again, leaning back as I take the last bite of my biscotti.

“And don’t get me wrong,” I say. “I think things will eventually turn out fine, but... I feel like it could be done faster.” Dave laughs a little.

“It certainly could... but! I’ve got some good news.” Dave leans in and shows his phone to me, revealing a page about Minecraft’s new update. “They’re finally doing the caves!” I smile and laugh a bit.

“Really? After what, ten years? Twelve?” I ask...


David and I walk down the now dark street, shivering a bit from the cold. “Uuuugh, I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow,” I say, causing Dave to laugh.

“You sound like you’re ten, man up,” he says. I flip him off casually. 

“I might almost be twenty, but that don’t mean shit when people treat you like you’re fourty,” I say. Dave rolls his eyes.

“Oh, I can understand that quite well,” a new voice says. Dave and I jump from the sudden sound and whirl around to look behind us. Nothing but a bus stop bench and a streetlight. I look at my friend.

“Did... did you hear that?” I ask. He nods.

“Yeah, uh, was it you?” He asks. 

“No...” We slowly look around, trying to see if someone’s nearby.

“How rude! Treating me like I’m invisible!” The voice says. “Can you not see the oxygen I’m using as my body?!” 

“Whoever and wherever you are, how about you fuck off?” I ask out loud. Suddenly, the back of my head gets whacked, causing me to double over and cover my head. “WHAT THE SHIT!?!?” I scream, causing Dave to jump back from my outburst.

“That was incredibly rude, you’re lucky I’m feeling generous tonight.”

“Max, are you alright?” David asks, making me slowly and carefully return to normal posture.

“Yeah, I’m fine, but that fucking hurt.” A laugh echoes around us before we suddenly drop through the floor, and our sights are enveloped by darkness. 

“Good! That’ll teach you for snipping at me. Now then, business,” the voice says. A light blinds me from above, causing me to shield my eyes. As my eyes adjust, I see Dave next to me.

‘What the hell’s going on?” He asks. 

“What’s going on, is a game,” the voice says, drawing our attention to behind us. We both look over to see a mismatched animal-ish thing sitting on a couch, lazing across it.

“Damn, God must’ve been in Pre-K when he made you,” I say. Dave stifles a laugh as Mr Mismatch smiles.

“Ooo, good one, I love the smart ones,” he says. He gets up and snaps his lion paw, which makes him vanish.  “You see, I’m bored,” the creature says behind us, making us jump.

“Oh shit the taxidermy disaster can talk,” I say. Dave stifles another laugh as the strange creature gives me a large toothy grin. 

“I can already see who’s my favorite,” he says menacingly. He poofs up a filer and starts filing his teeth as he talks... somehow. “You see, I need two humans to go into Equestria for a little game. A quest, if you will.” Dave perks up, looking at the creature in suspicion.

“A game? What kind of game?” He asks. I cross my arms.

“Yeah, this sounds like a super-villain’s deal. Plus, given how fucking creepy you are, I’m thinking I’ll pass,” I say. Dave nods. The creature throws away the file and takes out a wine glass. The glass contains dirt. He start licking it with a long forked tongue. Gross.

“Oh? Then let me sweeten the deal. You like games, especially video games, so let me give you a power. A power you can use and evolve to your heart’s content!” He says. I look at Dave, who’s narrowing his eyes. 

“Any good reasons for playing this game? Because like Max said, this is suspicious as fuck.” The creature smiles wide. 

“If you don’t I’ll unleash a spore of infection that’ll turn your insides into jelly. A kind of jelly that tastes good on my morning goat-toast,” he says. I scan his features to see if he’s lying, but I can’t tell shit for shat what he’s thinking. Well, if the weird shit he’s been doing so far is any indication, I suppose he’s telling the truth.

“... Fine, we don’t seem to have a choice anyway,” Dave says. I nod.

“Splendid!” The creature exclaims. “My name is Discord, and the land you’re entering is called Equestria. Happy travels!” Just like that, we’ drop into a void. The void slowly turns into a tunnel, with swirling lights and sparks of energy whipping around us. I almost started enjoying it, but I suddenly felt a bit of stinging inside me. It grows more and more uncomfortable as I fall. “This is a special gift, my favorite human.” I feel my eyes widen as my screams ring out as I feel immense pain come over me, like I’m being ripped apart and placed back together, only to be stitched together with fire. After a minute of nothing but pain, it all stops and I feel better, hearing a humored maniacal laugh in my head as I look to see Dave’s having a bit more fun than I am. I don’t think he’s heard me scream, if the smile and curiosity in his eyes mean anything. I look below us to see a light coming up. Something tells me that’s not good. Suddenly, we come out of the long rainbow-tunnel, and into the air... and quickly realize we’re free falling.

“.... Oh fuck,” I say as Dave starts to not have fun and stare at the oncoming ground in absolute panic.

“Shitshitshitshitshitshit-“ Dave continues his string of curses as I look down at the ground below. It looks like some sort of castle, white bricks, purple and gold accents and designs... and there’s lots of people in it! At least, I assume they’re people. All I can see are tiny dots on the ground. I carefully glide a bit towards Dave as I see that the castle is coming closer and closer. ”Save him, ‘human’,” Discord’s distant voice says, before laughing.

“Okay, if we live through this, I’m gonna fuck that asshole up when we find him!” I yell, grabbing Dave’s arm. “But right now, I need you to trust me!”

“What the fuck are you doing! We’re going to die!” David yells in fear.

“Fuck that! Asshole promised us powers, we damn well should’ve gotten something!” I yell. I take Dave and turn towards the sky, with him in front of me. “Now brace for impact, I’m not looking where we’re going!” Dave shuts his eyes as I hold him. I close mine as well, immediately before feeling an impact against my back. Then another, and another. I can feel the impact more and more as I fall through what I think are floors. Finally, we fall to our final floor, leaving a small crater as I land. The thud comes with sound of cracking stones, and I can feel Dave on top of me. “You alright?” I ask weakly.

“Yeah,” he groans. “... I feel like shit.” I nod.

“And you know what, while it’s already been a long two minutes, I’d appreciate it if you got the fuck off of me,” I say. Dave rolls off, plopping next to me with a grunt. We both breathe heavily, unsure of how to react to what just happened. I look up at the ceiling to see that we fell through about ten floors. Ten stone floors. Hm. 

“Max, let’s not do that again,” Dave mutters. 

“Ain’t no way in hell I’m doing that again,” I mutter back.

“Uh... Excuse me?” A British voice asks. I sit up slightly and look around before gawking at the sight before me. Surrounding us, is a crowd of ponies in seats, dressed in suits and dresses, and many of them have horns on their heads or wings on their sides. 

“Holy shit,” I quietly say. “This is... the weirdest fucking menagerie.” David lifts his head up and gasps.

“Woah,” he quietly says. I look around around until I spot a tall white unicorn with wings. Its mane flows gently, with three differently colors running through it.

“Okay, that one’s awesome,” I say, pointing at the tall one. The horse giggles, catching me by surprise.

“Why thank you,” she says. 

“Holy shit it talked- why are so many weird things happening today?” I ask myself. The horse tilts her head as Dave looks at the horse in awe. 

“Sorry, but I must ask, why did you crash through the ceiling just now?” She asks. Dave and I look at each other before looking at all the smaller horses around the room. I’m going to guess that they can talk too.

“... I uh, guess it just kind of happened,” Dave says. “Where the hell are we anyway?” Before I could share the useful fact that I didn’t know, an armored pony steps out from the crowd, pointing a spear at me with a hoof around it.  The armor’s gold, and his helmet has a blue Mohawk to it.

“I hereby place you under arrest for trespassing and damage to property, please come quietly,” he says. I groan a bit as I get up, making the ponies around me back up a bit in nervousness. 

“Look man, I don’t want a fight, I just want to get out of here,” I say, offering a hand to David as he tries getting up.

“This is not negotiable ape, surrender now or force will be used,” he says. I look around to see the fear in the pony’s eyes. I look down at Dave, who’s still in some pain after the fall. 

“Excuse me,” the tall horse says, grabbing my attention, “Your friend, is he hurt?” She asks. I look back at David, who’s just now getting up. I pat myself, trying to feel any pain, but I’m actually feeling okay, somehow.

“Uh, probably. Could you ask Toy Soldier here to stand down?” I ask. I need to try and defuse this tension. It’s bad enough we just appeared out of nowhere, but I don’t think messing with royalty is gonna help us. We’re outnumbered, and as far as I know, we’re outgunned. 

“Who’re you calling a toy!? I could take you down myself, no problem,” The guard says. I shoot him a glare. Did this bitch just-

“Oh yeah? I could probably yeet your ass out the window,” I say. Dave, who has finally gotten up, is patting me, trying to get me to shut up.

“Oh yeah? I’ll throw you off the side of this mountain!” The nerve of this fucker.

“Bitch, I’ll yeet your ass to space!” I say. 

“Max- shut up- shut the fuck-“ Dave says, freaking out a bit.

“With those arms, I’d be surprised you could pack any kind of punch,” the guard retorts. The crowd ooo’s and turns their attention towards me.

“And I'm surprised you think I won’t knock your ass out cold if you keep talkin’ shit,” I retort. 

“Ahem,” the tall horse clears her throat. Everyone stops and looks at her. “I assure you, Mr...?”

“Uh- right, I’m Max,” I start. I point at my friend. “That’s David.” I bring my pointing finger to the tall horse. “And who’re you?” She gives me a soft smile, but the guard looks at me incredulously.

“Do you really have no idea-“ 

“Spearhead,” The tall horse warns. She looks back to us with a smile. “My name, is Princess Celestia.”

“Princess?” I ask. I finally notice the crown on her head. Now that I think about it, it is strange how she’s wearing gold...

“Max,” Dave rasps. 

“Oh right, uh- look. I know y’all don’t trust us,” I start, I look around to gauge how the horses feel at the moment. Definitely nervous. “But we really don’t want an unnecessary fight. Especially since my friend’s probably injured-“ I pat my friend’s back to prove a point.

“Ow,” Dave groans. 

“-but I promise you this. I have no clue what I’m able to do now, but I can probably hurt a good many of you before being taken down,” I say. Diplomacy’s not really my strong suit, but honesty’s the best policy according to Dave. Then again, Dave’s not much better at diplomacy either. The guard growls.

“I’ve heard enough of you. Your warnings sound violent enough for me!” With that, he lunges at me with a spear. Celestia’s eyes widen as I hold out my hands to block him. I doubt it’ll do good, but reflexes say otherwise. I brace for the pain and I close my eyes. I give a yell, knowing the pain will justify it as I feel the spear go through my hands... then nothing. I crack an eye open. My jaw drops.

“Holy shit,” I say. My hands were penetrated by the spear alright, like a kebab. However, there’s no blood, and there’s very little pain. It certainly stung, but it didn’t really hurt. The guard yanks back the spear, backing away a bit as he sees I’m not bleeding. The holes in my hands reveal a sort of black, weird substance under my skin. A couple horses in the audience faint as I yell out in surprise. “What the fuck did that fucker do to me!?” I yell. I look down to see Dave, who’s staring with wide eyes as well. I look back at my hands, and see them slowly close up the holes. Finally, once sealed, I poke at my palms. “I... I can feel them... my hands... what the fuck is going on?” I mutter. 

“Max,” Celestia starts, grabbing my attention. “Is David like you?” She asks. I look at Dave, who’s still staring at me with shock.

“... No, I didn’t break anything when I crashed. Dave’s still in pain. If I can regenerate and barely feel pain, then he should be fine right now. So, he’s uh... Human, I guess,” I say.

“What do you mean you guess!? Is he or is he not-“ the guard quickly shuts up when I send a death glare.

“Look, I didn’t ask to be here, like this. I was perfectly human not even an hour ago. So when I say ‘I guess’, I mean I’m not sure what that freak did to him!” I yell.

“Max, calm down. We’ll provide David with medical attention,” Celestia says. The guard looks at her incredulously, along with all the other horses in the room. “But, I must ask you to come to the dungeon quietly. I don’t believe you’re intentionally dangerous, but I feel my little ponies would feel safer if you comply.” I look up at her with a panicked expression, but I look down at Dave. I kneel. He’s still wincing when he breathes, and I can barely call the ragged breaths he takes ‘breathing’. 

“Max,” he says. “You don’t have to, I’m fine, promise.” I sigh, getting up.

“Alright, I’ll come quietly,” I say. The guard looks at Celestia, who gives him a nod, before coming to me nervously. He points the spear at me. “Really? I’m not gonna pretend that the spear’s dangerous dude, I’m pretty sure I can snap it in half.” He glares at me. I roll my eyes and starting walking in the direction he’s shoving me. “Don’t give me the stink-eye bitch, you know it’s true...”


I sit in a cold, dark cell. I can hear the echoes of dripping, as well as passing conversations from beyond my sight. I huddle on top of a concrete bed, in a corner, staring at my hands. I’m not human. That’s the only thing I can think of that would describe what’s going on with me. I sigh, putting my hands down and lean against the cold stone wall. I’ve got no idea what to do. My friend’s recovering, the guards hate me or something, and I’m some sort of... invincible’s not the right word. Invincible would imply I can’t feel anything, and that I can’t be destroyed. I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m still destructible. I furrow my brow and sigh, leaning my head back. “... I’m boooooored,” I say out loud. 

“Hey! Monster! Shut it!” A guard calls.

“But I’m bored!” I call back.

“Is a sword through your torso boring!?” He calls.

“Yes!” I legitimately answer.

“Don’t be a smartass!” With that, I sigh. Honestly, I would’ve thought that this would be more miserable, but... it’s oddly comfy. Obviously I’m not referring to the concrete bed, but I mean... it’s dry, it’s got good plumbing, and the dripping sounds are oddly relaxing. I close my eyes, enjoying the drips... Until a door at the end of the hall opens. I perk up a bit as I hear footsteps.

“Don’t shove me, I’m already moving!” A familiar voice calls. I furrow my brow and get up, heading to the cell’s bars. I look out to see Dave, his jacket over an arm, walking down the hall. He gives a wave as I narrow my eyes.

“Why aren’t you healing?” I ask him as he walks up.

“Oh, I’m healed. They’ve got magic!” He says. I blink in response.

“... Magic?” I ask. He nods.

“Yeah, they healed me up pretty quickly! But, I knew you’d be lonely, so I asked to be in the cell with you,” he says. I quirk an eyebrow as I back up, allowing the cell door to open.

“Why’re they so rough?” I ask as the guard ponies toss my friend in. He flips them off as they close the door.

“Well, they said no, so I punched one guard in the face,” he says. “That made them say yes.”  I shake my head, smiling a bit.

“Only you would try that,” I say. He shrugs, throwing his jacket to the concrete bed on the other side of mine. 

“It worked,” he says. “Besides, I figured something out while I was in the hospital.” I head back to my bed and hop on it, laying back.

“Oh yeah, what?” I ask.

“I got a tattoo,” he says. I consciously blink and look at Dave to see him hold up his left hand, revealing a tattoo. It’s certainly an odd pattern, but... I’ve seen it somewhere before... 

”... so let me give you a power. A power you can use and evolve to your hearts’ content!...”

I look at the tattoo again, and snap my fingers as I remember what it looks like. “That’s the outsider’s sign from Dishonored!” I call. Dave leans back from my outburst before tilting his head. 

“Uh, are you sure?”

“Remember what the creature said when we got yeeted in? He gave us powers, and your power is magic or something!” I call. 

“‘Magic or Something’? Never heard of that power before,” Dave deadpans.

“Look- just- concentrate on your hand,” I say. 

“Why?” He asks. 

“Just do it.”

“... Alright,” he says. He hold out his hand.

“Now, think of uh... teleporting!” I say excitedly.

“Will you two shut up!?” A guard calls from down the hall. I get up, rush over to the bars, and stuck out my hand to flip him off. I retract my hand and turn to Dave, who’s hand is glowing. I smile as I can see he’s getting it. Dafe’s eyes glow for a second, before he vanishes, appearing on the other side of the room, against the wall.

“Holy shit-“ he says, stumbling a bit. “That was... weird,” he notes.

“You can teleport!” I cry, throwing my hands into the air. 

“How many times do I need to-“ As the guard came up, I whipped around, and threw a punch through the bars, and actually managed to knock him out. His body falls down, and Dave and I look on with shock.

“... Damn,” I say, looking at my hand. I’ve got strength, serious strength. I look at the bars and get an idea. I grab two of them, and try to spread them apart. I grit my teeth, and sure enough, I start moving the bars aside, surprising Dave. I step out, pick up the guard, and walk to the end of the hall where he normally stands. I place him in a chair, pat his head, and walk back. I grab the bars, and try to push them together. They look a bit wonky now, but it’s mostly unnoticeable. I turned to Dave, who stares at me with surprise. “... He uh, he talked too much,” I say. He snickers and we both laugh a bit, finally relaxing from today. Today, was fucking weird.
> Chapter 1: Arena Battle Royal (Reset)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 1: Arena Battle Royal


I slowly wake up, grumbling about the cold concrete beneath me. However, as I grumble, I hear distorted muttering. I shut up, and listen close, but it also stops. That’s weird. I slowly open my eyes, and try to sit up, only to find black tentacles all around me. Now, there are very few things I’d do to react. I could calmly look around for the source of the tentacles, deciding how to get it off me. The other way, is me screaming. If you think I’m going to react to tentacles all around me with calmness and dignity, you’re on some shit. I scream in panic, and as I scream, a distorted voice screams along with me. “What the fuck!?” Dave yells.

“DAVE FUCKING HELP!!! I DON’T WANNA BE IN A HENTAI!!!” I yell. It’s here, that I finally notice, that the distorted voice is repeating what I say... Wait. “Wait- hold on-“ I try to move my arm, but a bunch of tentacles move instead. “Holy shit- I AM THE HENTAI!!!” I scream with even more panic.

“MAX!!! Will you stop joking and tell me what the fuck you’re doing!?” Dave yells. I try to calm down, taking deep breaths. 

“Right, right uh-“ I look at the mass of tendrils that I control. It seems my entire body is made of tendrils. “What’s my face look like?” I ask. Dave, shuddering, looks away as soon as he sees my face.

“Uh, two eyeballs in a shitload of tentacles,” he says. 

“Okay, okay,” I say, calming down a bit more. “How the fuck do I turn back?!” I ask.

“I don’t know!” Dave yells back. 

“Uh- fuck it, let me try concentrating,” I say. I shut my eyes tightly, and think about how I looked before. Red unzipped hoodie, grey shirt, jeans, and loafers. I repeat this like a mantra until finally Dave breaks the silence.

“Woah,” he says. I open my eyes and look at myself. 

“Holy shit it worked,” I say, amazed that it had done so. 

“It was like... I don’t know how to describe it,” he says. “It’s... I guess it’s a little off putting.”

“That was terrifying,” I say, taking another deep breath. “I mean, I guess I can control it, but...”

“...Yeah,” Dave says. 

“What were you two yelling about?” A guard says, coming up to our cell. I look over and hold up my hand. 

“This,” I say, before thinking of the tendrils. Just like that, my hand splits up into five tendrils, which elongate to go up to the guard’s face. He screams and stumbles back before turning tail and running. I snicker and retract the black appendages, turning it back into my hand. “I could get used to this,” I quietly say.

“That’s freaky,” Dave notes. I nod.

“True dat, true dat,” I say, laying back down. 

“... What else do you think you can do?” I hear my friend ask.

“No clue, but I’ll worry about it later,” I say. I hold my hand up to my face, trying to look at my skin closely. It’s weird, it’s like it’s kinda skin, but also... not. I hum in interest before putting it down. I mean, I can sort of control it, so it must mean it won’t necessarily hurt me. I grimace as I hear Dave sigh. Five bucks says he’ll call this place boring.

“... You know, when I was thrown in here, I thought it’d be ass. It’s worse than ass, it’s boring,” he says. I scoff.

“Better than torture,” I remark.

“This is torture,” he replies. 

“True,” I say.

A bit of time passes before a marching of hooves echo in the corridor. “Looks like we got visitors,” I say. Two guards come up, unlocking the door and pulling it open. Princess Celestia walks through, and here I notice she has a tattoo of a sun on her rump. “Hey Celestia,” I say.

“You will regard her with respect!” A guard barks. Before Celestia says anything Dave sighs.

“Why do you guys have to yell so loud?” He asks. “I mean, damn, we’re in an echoey shithole, why do you need to yell?” The guard starts to say something, but Celestia shushes him.

“Please, I wish to move this along. As crude as their respect is, if there’s anything to go by from what their previous guard said, they’re much too dangerous to upset while I am right in front of them,” she says. The guard looks like he wants to argue, but he closes his mouth and sends a glare my way. I hold up a hand and flip him off. “I’m not going to ask what that means,” Celestia comments. “But I will ask you this, why are you here?” Dave sighs, sitting up. 

“Don’t know. Some sort of ‘game’ according to... what was his name Max?” Dave asks. I look up in thought.

“Uh... Discord, I think,” I say. Celestia hums, looking down in thought. 

“... Storm,” she says, making one guard salute. “Go to the library, ask a local academic, Moon Dancer, to look into this ‘Discord’,” she says. The guard salutes again and runs off. Celestia turns to me.

“What did this creature look like?” She asks. 

“Like a piece of abstract art in animal form,” I say. Dave laughs.

“Yeah, that’s a good way to describe him. He specifically had a goat head, a feathery body, a talon, a lion paw-“

“It sounds like he’s a draconequus,” Celestia interrupts. “They went extinct thousands of years ago.”

“Oh? What killed them?” I ask. 

“We... don’t know,” she replies. “There was one in existence, but he disappeared around a thousand years ago.”

“Are they immortal, or did this guy time travel?” I ask. Dave looks at me funny. “Hey, the fucker ripped us from our world and placed us in this one, turning me into...” I stop and look at my hands. “... Whatever I am... Now, I’ve got a question for you guys.” Celestia nods. “Where are we?” I ask.

“This is Canterlot, the capital of Equestria,” she answers. I nod. 

“Cool,” I say. Celestia waits for me to ask something else, but notices that I’m done.

“... Don’t you want to know anything else?” She asks. I shake my head.

“Nah, I’m good. Dave?” I ask. He gives a thumbs up. “There you go.”

“...There was something I wanted to ask about,” Celestia starts. “What exactly are you two?” I give a short hollow laugh. 

“Dave’s human. Me, no clue,” I say. “I’d need to see what all I can do in a fight. I have a feeling I’ll figure it out then.”

“Oh I’d love to take you on,” a guard mutters. I snap my attention to that guard, and he freezes up.

“And if you did, I guarantee you wouldn’t last,” I warn. “Maybe you should put more weight into the fact that I’m not human like David.” The guard shudders and leans back a bit before shaking his head.

“I-I bet I can take you!” He says with false bravado.

“Please,” Celestia says, like an annoyed mother. “Just, stand down.” The guard looks at me again, and I swear I can see him shiver a little before straightening up. 

“... Tell you what,” I say, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Why don’t we make this interesting? We want to test our powers-“

“We?” Dave asks.

“-and your guards want to charge at us like target practice,” I say, gesturing to them. “I have full confidence that we can take them, and I’m sure they want to fight us. So, let’s do just that.” Celestia looks at me with confusion.

“And why would I do that?” She asks, a hint of concern in her voice.

“Because I hate it when someone looks down on me,” I say. “And your guards will keep being aggressive unless we show them that we’re tougher. Call it a show of competence more than a show of force.” Celestia looks at me, trying to see if I’m serious. After a moment, she looks at the nearest guard to her left. 

“Do you wish to fight them?” She asks. 

“I would gladly fight them with my fellow soldiers,” he says. Another guard shoots him a glare, but sighs.

“As would I,” he says, almost reluctantly. Celestia looks between us.

“... Can I just say, that I don’t really wanna fight anyone?” Dave asks. I look at him, with a smile on my face.

“Trust me,” I say. He starts to object, but sighs.

“If I die, I’m haunting your ass,” he says.

“Oh, no one has to die,” I say. “Just seriously injured or knocked out. Neutralizing, not extermination,” I clarify. Dave shakes his head.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” he says. “Regardless, I trust you. Just don’t make me regret it.” I wave him off as Celestia and the guards look between us.

“Don’t worry, it won’t be too bad. Worse case is our asses get handed to us,” I say. He sighs, laying back down.

“Very well then, I’ll start preparing the event,” Celestia says. She turns to me. “Is there anything either of you need?” 

“Get this man a sword,” I say. She nods and turns to the guards. 

“They are allowed to roam free. Provide them with directions to the Canterlot Arena,” she says. They all salute, running off to fulfill their duties. Celestia walks out with them. Dave sits up again, suddenly.

“Wait, we can leave the shitty cell?” He asks out loud. I shrug and yawn.

“I’m going back to sleep. Come wake me when you guys are ready to-“

“Oh no motherfucker, you’re helping me shape up,” David says, hopping off his bed. He marches to me, grabs the hood of my hoodie, and slowly drags me off the bed.

“Ow,” I say, putting up no resistance as he grunts to drag me out. 

“Fuckin’- can you get up!?” He yells. I hum in thought.

“... Eh, sure,” I relent. I get up, putting my hands in my hoodie’s pockets before following him out the dungeon.

David and I walk through the streets, with two guard-ponies watching our every move. “Damn, look at all this gold,” I say.

“Yeah, makes you wonder where they get it from,” Dave notes.

“That’s confidential,” one guard behind us says.

“And no one fucking asked you,” I remark. We’re walking down a street, along the sidewalk. Various well-dressed horses- er, ponies, as I had learned, are a little iffy upon spotting my friend and I. Some ponies would try to blatantly and obnoxiously look away, and some ponies would hurry along. I frown, getting deja vu from these actions. They’re just like people back home. 

“... You alright Max?” Dave asks.

“We’re in another world, magic exists, I’m missing two entire essays for that bullshit they call a class, and I’m still poor as fuck from all of this. I’m having a blast,” I say dryly. He laughs.

“Yeah, maybe we should consider staying here. We don’t have to pay taxes,” he says. 

“Actually, if we stayed, I think the laws would be amended so that you would pay taxes,” I remark. He furrows his brow.

“And why won’t they tax you?” He asks me.

“Because one, we dunno what the fuck I am. And two, if I am what I think I am, then they can’t tax me as it would be legally confusing,” I say. After seeing how my body can transform, I have a feeling that I’m like the virus from Prototype.

“...What?” Dave asks. I start to open my mouth, ready to spill out a literal billboard’s worth of information I’ve got stirring in my head, but shut it as I realize it’d lose the humor.

“... Nevermind,” I say. Dave looks around, specifically at the ponies.

“You know... in an odd way... they all look like cartoons,” he mentions. The guards behind us give him a confused look.

“Yeah... now that you say it, they do kinda look cartoony,” I say. Before this conversation continues, I feel a sudden tug on my jeans. I stop and look down to see a small pony, probably a child, looking up at me.

“What are you?” He asks. “Momma says you’re a monster.” I blink in surprise.

“... Well, I mean... She’s not entirely wrong, but...” I look at Dave, confused. He shrugs. I roll my eyes. Real helpful Dave.

“Well, I don’t think you look like a monster!” The child says. I look down and give it a confused smile.

“Uh, thanks, I guess?” With that, the child smiles and runs off. “... Kids are weird,” I note, continuing our walk to the arena. The guard glance at each other, before continuing with us.

At the arena, we can see many ponies coming in. Celestia didn’t tell us this part, but I’m not gonna complain. More ponies watching means more ponies know not to mess with us. Many of the ponies we can see don’t look as rich as the passerbys we saw. The arena’s audience has access to benches and stairs, almost like a football stadium. The seat are above some high walls made of some kinda white stone. David stretches as he yawns. “I can’t believe that in one day, we’re already fighting aliens,” he says.

“Aliens?” I ask.

“Well, we’re obviously in a different world. Different world, different planet, thus-“ He stops to gesture to a guard right next to us. “Aliens.” The guard looks slightly perturbed by this epiphany.

“Damn. Aliens were much lower tech than I thought,” I remark. 

“Will you stop referring to us like we came from space?” The guard asks.

“No,” I say in a silly voice. I turn to Dave. “Alright, let’s get you warmed up.”

“What about you?” He asks. I smirk, and hold up a hand. 

“Watch,” I say. I concentrate, and my hand slowly morphs into a blade. It’s not particularly big, about the size of my forearm. “Combine that, with my strength and regeneration, I think I’ll be fine against sword and spears.” The guard scoffs.

“You’re not up against regular guard,” he says cryptically. I groan.

“Why do you fucks butt into our conversation?” I ask.

“Just trying to be helpful,” the guard says bitterly.

“Max, chill,” David says. “I know you want to fight, but let’s not fight before the actual fight, okay?” I sigh, nodding. He nods back and takes out his sword. It’s a wooden double edged sword. It’s a bit shorter than I thought it’d be. Then again, ponies aren’t like humans, so it’d only make sense.

“Alright, I’ll entrust you with learning how to use a sword, do you still remember your sword lessons?” I ask. 

“Max, you know I’m like Sokka, but a decent artist,” he says. I chuckle, nodding.

“Good. I think I’d know how to use your magic, so let’s try practicing that,” I say. “There’s probably a limit, so pay attention to anything that might tell you that, okay?” He nods. He holds out his tattooed hand, which is free, and his eyes glow. In a blink, he’s gone. I look over to see he’s moved about... I think that’s thirty feet at least. Okay, he can teleport really far. He turns to me, raising his sword. 

“That makes me sick,” he announces.

“Eh, when you’re fighting for your life, I’m sure it won’t cross your mind,” I say.

“Hi!” A new voice jumps in. I jump back a bit, look behind me to find a pink pony looking up at me excitedly.

“... Hi?” I reply.

“My name’s Pinkie Pie! I’m from Ponyville, have you ever seen Ponyville? You look really interesting, how come I’ve never seen you guys before- oh! Want a ‘New Creature Discovered’ party!?” The pink mare rambles, in a speed I can kind of understand..

“W-what?” I ask dumbly. Pinkie gasps.

“Have you never heard of a party!? Oh! Oh! I’ll throw your first party! I can’t wait- let me go tell my friends!” She says excitedly. In a flash, she’s gone. I simply blink. I turn to David, who’s just as confused as I am.

“... Don’t look at me, I barely understood her either,” he says. I look around, and notice that Pinkie’s on the other side of the arena, with the audience. 

“How the fuck-“ I stop and try to squint to see if that’s really her.

“THEY SAID YES!!!” Pinkie’s voice yells in excitement next to me. I scream and jump back a bit. I stop and look at where she just was, only to find that she’s not there, but... 

“... What?” I ask again.

“Ma’am, I know you’re the element of laughter,” the guard next to us starts. “But please use caution. They’re-“

“They’re my new friends!” Pinkie says, wrapping me in a waist-high hug. 

“Woah woah woah, no. Not friends, I just met you,” I say, prying off the pink mass of fluff. 

“We’ll be bestest of best friends!” Pinkie declares. I look at David, deadpanned, before looking back at Pinkie.

“I doubt it,” I say.

“I Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie says before bouncing away. I sigh.

“She’s a bit... too friendly,” I note.

“Yeah, that was weird,” Dave says. 

“Attention, ladies and gentle colts,” Celestia says, drawing our attention. We gaze up at the sky, where Celestia hovers in place with her wings. “Today, my Royal Guards shall face two new creatures in a sparring match. No one is to be seriously injured-“

“No promises,” I say quietly to myself.

“-and the fight is to be fair. Without further ado, I present, Max and David,” Celestia announces, pointing to us with a hoof. The crowd’s quiet, as all attention turns to us. I hold up a peace sign, while Dave waves nervously. 

“This was a bad idea,” Dave notes.

“Eeeeeh, it’ll work out,” I say.

“They shall be sparring with highly ranked Royal Guards. They are officers, and know not to fight well,” she says. “Without any further delay, may the sparring commence!” I smile and crack my knuckles. 

“Let’s get crackin’,” I say, walking out. David follows behind me, still nervous.

“Uh, Max, will we be alright?” He asks. I nod.

“You’ve got this Dave, don’t worry,” I say. He sighs, readying his sword. When we get to the center of the arena, I see eight guards start surrounding us. David turns his back to me as four of the guards circle around. I face four in front of me, smirking. The guards each have a wooden sword or spear. I concentrate, turning both my arms into two long black tendrils, wriggling and squirming. The guards are put off by this, even backing up a bit. David rolls his wrist with his sword, feeling the weight of it as he does so. The guards in front of him give a determined glare, holding up their wooden weapons with either a hoof or mouth. I give a laugh as I stare at the closest guard in front of me. “Come on, try me,” I taunt with a bit of distortion in my voice. 

Suddenly, a guard to my left charges at me, yelling. I swing my right arm, and extend the tendril’s reach. It wraps around the guard’s spear. I attempt to yank it out of his grip, but he actually holds on, being dragged through the air and thrown off to the side. Not the reaction I expected, but that’s okay. I hear hoofsteps charging up quickly. I whirl my left arm around, using my tendrils to knock away the guard that thought he could sneak up. I give a laugh. “This is easier than I thought!” I declare. This makes the other two guards mad, causing them to charge at me with wooden swords. I whipped my right arm, but the guard actually side steps and jabs the sword down on my tendril. To my surprise, it pierces, going into the ground. I hiss in pain, trying to pull my arm back. However, the stupid sword’s actually holding up, trapping my arm. “Well, this is embarrassing,” I mutter. I feel a wack against the side of my head, making me look over at the other guard who took advantage of my surprise. “That tickles,” I say, using my free arm to wrap around his barrel and lift him up. He gives a scream and uses his sword to try and slice my arm. He succeeds, and as he falls to the floor, I hiss in more pain. It seems that my tendrils are softer than my main body. Interesting. 

David, not paying attention to the battle ensuing behind him, teleports behind one guard and wacks him upside the head with his sword. The guard swivels around and their swords clash, giving a wooden thud as they try to keep slashing. Suddenly, he sees another guard charging behind him with a spear. He quickly teleports to the other side of the guard, just in time for the wooden spear to hit the guard. Dave whirls around and slams the sword into the guard’s head. This knocks him out, sending the pony to the floor. David laughs a little as he sees he’s still fine. However, his small victory is short lived when another guard hits his back with a sword, causing him to yell in pain before teleporting to a distance. He doubles over as nausea starts to really effect him. He looks at his tattoo, and realizes something’s different. Half of the tattoo is glowing. Game logic: it must be his magic gauge. He groans once more as the nausea still makes him double over. He looks up and quickly side steps just in time before a wooden spear tries to hit him. However, he was too slow for when the guard pulls back and quickly jabs at him again, striking David in the guts. The wooden spears are blunt, but it makes little difference as the pain is still there. As David doubles over yet again, the guard takes the spear, pulling it back like a bat, and wacks David. David goes down, and starts to get up.

“You won’t last another minute, human. Concede,” the guard says as three others come up. David looks off to the side to see that I’m busy with my own problems. 

I look at the guard who sliced off my left arm, and frown. “That wasn’t very nice,” I remark, making what’s left of my arm extend and reconnect with the tendril on the ground. The guard steels himself, picking up his sword with a hoof. I don’t know how that works, but I’m not in the mood to think about it right now. 

“And you’re not too pretty, but I guess we all make mistakes,” the guard, barks.

“Ooo, good one,” I say, chuckling. “But I think-“ I feel a spear slam into my legs, knocking me to my knees. I look over to see the guard I threw earlier. He points his spear at my face. 

“You’re trapped, you’re done,” he says. I simply smile, thinking of something.

“Oh, you fool, who said I was trapped?” I ask. As he looks at me in confusion, I start concentrating on my right arm. It takes a lot of focus, but I manage to split it in half, making it a forked tendril. I retract them, and use the speed of it to wrap around the spear, and jab it backwards, hitting the guard’s chest, which surprises and stuns him. I shove the spear away, and whip my arm back to knock away the guard. He flies quite a few feet before landing and rolling on the ground. I turn my attention to the guard who had stabbed my arm into the ground. “You’re next,” I say, shooting out my two tendrils towards him. Suddenly, the other guard that sliced my left arm, charges past and use his speed to slice off my right tendrils. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” I say as the arms fall to the ground. I send him a glare as he skids to a stop, facing me. “You’re certainly a pest,” I remark.

“You’re attacks are easy to stop,” he says. I hum, and reconnect my tendrils, retracting them. I get up and give a wide smile. Let’s try something different, shall we? I concentrate, and my arms slowly turn into enlarged black fists. I pull them up and slam the ground, causing it to shake.

“Heheh, this’ll be fun,” I say.

As the ground shakes from my slam, the guards around David stumble from the sudden movement. David uses this chance to teleport into the air and try something. He doesn’t know if this’ll work, but it’s something that’ll give him an advantage of some sort. He hopes, anyway. His eyes glow for a second before teleporting. When he appears in the air, he realizes he was unprepared for the nausea in addition to the falling. He yells as he falls, and grunts when he lands on the back of a guard. “Ow,” he groans, holding tight as the guard starts bucking his legs.

“Get him off me!” He yells, jumping to try and knock off David. David feels his grip loosen a bit, but he holds on in the seemingly vain hope that something good will happen. Luckily, something did happen! The guard with a spear tries to jab David off, but since the guard he’s riding is constantly moving, he actually knocks out the guard instead by jabbing him in his head. David rolls off as the pony falls, groaning. Nausea’s a real bitch. David unsteadily, but quickly, gets up. He holds out his sword as he faces off two remaining guards. One has a sword, and the other has a spear. He looks back to see how his friend is holding up.

I use my fist to taunt the two guards in front of me. “Come on! It’s been a hot minute, and I’m still in the same spot! Make me move a bit, entertain me!” I yell. I look back to look at Dave and freeze as I see he has bruises and a lot of dirt. In fact, he actually looks really sick. The fuck happened to him!? I look back at the two guards in front of me and glare. “Great, I’ve been having too much fun, I need to take care of you two quickly,” I say. The talkative guard huffs and readies his sword.

“You won’t-“ he’s interrupted as I run up and slam his side with a fist, causing him to fly into a wall. I use the momentum of my swing to keep swinging, and slam the fist into the other guard. He flies into a wall as well. Definitely knocked out. I turn my attention back to Dave’s situation and run over. 

“Hold on buddy, I’m coming!” I yell. 

“Finally! What took you so long to notice!?” Dave yells, keeping his eyes on the two guards. One guard jabs at him with his spear, but David barely manages to sidestep in time. He holds his sword up to block the other guard’s sword. He uses this chance to throw his aggressor’s balance off by ducking away to the left. The guard’s swing continues and falls to the ground, surprised by the sudden change in stance. Before he could pull it up, David wacks his the top of his head. The other guard attempts to jab at Dave again, but my friend twirls in time for the spear to barely miss him. Dave backs up, though unsteadily, and tries not to throw up. “I hate magic,” he mutters. I run up beside him, taking on a fight stance with my comically large fists. 

“Sorry, had a bit too much fun,” I say. He looks me up and down.

“What the hell!? I’m over here sick and bruised, but you look like you’re fucking fine!” Dave yells angrily.

“My arms got cut off, and my pride’s hurt, does that count?” I ask.

“Fuck no!” Dave responds. Suddenly, I feel a sword pierce my back, making me stumble forward. Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

“God dammit-“ I whirl around to see a bruised guard. The pest. “How the fuck are you conscious!?” I ask.

“The same reason I’m gonna take you down,” he yells. I deadpan at him and convert a fist into a tendril. 

“So, got any more swords?” I ask. The guard blinks and suddenly realizes that the sword in my back is still lodged in there.

“... Buck,” he says. I grab him with a tendril, and whirl around, throwing her right at the other guards. They barely had enough time to react before they all collide, falling to the ground. I give a chuckle.

“Heheh, pest,” I say. David breathes heavily next to me, making me turn my attention towards him. “Hey, you good?” I ask worriedly. He drops his sword and sits down, panting. Finally, he lays down.

“That was... fucking...” he barely speaks loudly, causing me to grow even more concerned. 

“Oh shit- David!?” I yell, kneeling. “Shit, fuck, dammit- I need medical attention!” I yell out to the crowd. The crowd is silent, but I can see Celestia and another winged-unicorn flying down. This one is a deep blue, it’s flowing starry hair. 

“Allow me,” Celestia says. Her horn glows, and David starts glowing a golden color. I lean back a bit, watching nervously as my friend’s bruises start fading. His clothes have holes and rips, which show more serious bruising. However, I can see them fade as well. 

“Holy shit,” I say, watching in awe as magic heals him.  When all the bruises are gone, David coughs and opens his eyes slowly.

“Max,” he says. I lean down and hug him, shaking a bit.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I say. “I-I thought, maybe I could-“

“Max,” David interrupts. “Let’s not do that again, okay?” I nod, not letting go. What the fuck was I thinking!? I should’ve kept him in range, I could’ve- fuck it all. When I finally let go of Dave, he starts getting up. I looks at my hands, my clothes. They’ve regenerated. There’s no wound or even a bruise. I grimace as I realize I should’ve provided support for David. Sure, he’s got magic, but he’s not like me. I sigh. “Hey, fucker,” Dave says. I look up and see him s holding a hand out for me. “Get up, we just fucking won,” he says, smiling. I look at his hand nervously, before grabbing it and pulling myself up. We look around and notice how the ponies in the stands look at us nervously. I look at David, smirk and hold my arms up.

“Are you not entertained!?” I yell. Suddenly, the ponies go into an uproar, stomping their hooves and cheering. David looks at me incredulously.

“Really? Gladiator?” He asks. I sigh.

“Well, what else am I supposed to say? ‘Did you enjoy the beat down we gave your soldiers?’” I ask. He snickers, and we turn our attention to Celestia and blue mystery girl.

“So, what’s next?” Dave asks. Celestia smiles.

“Now, we talk,” she simply says. The blue horse looks at Celestia nervously before returning her attention back to us, or rather, me. She stares at me for a moment, before shuddering.

“Let us make haste,” she says. I look on with confusion as she hurriedly leaves.

“What’s her problem?” I ask. David shrugs, and follows Celestia and tall horse two, electric boogaloo. I hum in curiosity and follow behind David. “I’m hungry as fuck,” I comment.


We arrive at Canterlot’s castle. I didn’t much care to look at it the first time, as I was ready to go fight something, but now I can see it in it’s entirety. It’s huge, with white towers decorated with royal purple and golden colors. The stone walls are towering, and are guarded by pegasi and unicorn guards. I let out a whistle. “This looks like you’re compensating,” I say. David nudges me. “What? It does! You’ve seen Shrek!” I say. The group ignores my insightful wisdom and presses inward back into the castle. As we walk, I suddenly smell various scents. Various, delicious, scents. “Is that... waffles?” I ask suddenly. Everyone stops and turns to me, confused.

“Um, what?” Celestia asks.

“I swear I smell fresh waffles,” I say. 

“Erm, we uh, we have a cafeteria around that serves waffles, but how did-“

“Y’all, I’mma go eat, fuck this noise,” I say. Just like that, I start walking off in the direction I can smell those waffles. Wait, I mentioned Shrek earlier... and now I smell waffles... Is it a prophecy?... No of course not. As I walk, I hear the group I just left run up to me.

“Max, you can’t just-“

“I can and will, I’m really hungry,” I say. David starts to argue, but his stomach growls.

“See! You need food too!” I declare. 

“Max, there will be time for food, but please-“ I cut Celestia off by looking at her.

“Look, I haven’t eaten in almost a day. David’s used to that, he’s like a monk. I, on the other hand, am normal in the sense that I have cravings and hungers. So, I’m finding those damn waffles with, or without you,” I say. I continue my walk.

“But- you don’t know where the cafeteria is,” the blue horse says.

“I can smell it,” I say.

“Max, you’re terrible with directions,” David says. 

“And you’re terrible at making rational decisions,” I counter, not stopping.

“Says that one who’s worse at decisions,” Dave says in annoyance. I simply ignore him.

Finally, after a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a large room. The floor has a checkered set of tiles, the walls have a calming blue color painted, and there’s a small line around a buffet table. Score. “How did he-“ Celestia starts, before noticing that I haven’t stopped walking towards the line. I stop at the back, stretching my arms. I finally notice how quiet it’s gotten in the room. I look around and see a lot of eyes staring at me. 

“... Yo,” I say. Every pony in the room keeps their stare, until a loud gasp sounds out. A familiar gasp. “Oh Jesus why,” I say as I look over, and see a pink mare.

“Mr Tentacle!” She says excitedly. I blink. 

“Wait- no, my name’s- why are you here?” I ask. Pinkie giggles.

“Well, Princess Celestia wanted us to talk about something super duper important, so my friend and I decided to just eat here! I’m coming back for the cinnamon rolls!” She says, licking her lips. 

“... Uh huh,” I say. David snickers, walking over.

“Oh look, it’s Max’s new friend,” he says.

“No, not friend-“

“I knew we’d be great friends!” Pinkie says excitedly. “No one’s better at making friends that yours truly after all!” As she says this, she jumps up, and pats me on the head. However, the moment her hoof touched my frizzy, messy brown hair, she freezes in mid air. Her eyes widen. 

“How the fuck are you doing that?” I ask. She ignores me, and suddenly vanishes. At the same time, I feel something heavy latch onto my head.

“Oh my gosh! Your hair is so soft!” She says. I yell and try to grab the pink menace.

“Oh shi- get off my head!” I yell. She only giggles as she somehow nimbly dodges all my attempts to grab her.

“No! You’re too fluffy!” She says. 

“I swear to Jesus- Dave, help!” I say with genuine panic. However, my fears and troubles only humor him as he witnesses these events.

“I dunno man, she looks so happy-“

“I swear to God Dave, Celestia won’t be able to heal you if-“ I’m interrupted by a pink hoof reaching down and tapping my nose. 

“Boop!” Pinkie says. I feel my eye twitch. Did she just... BOOP me?! What is she, five!? I morph my hand into a mass of tendrils and send them all to grab her. However, like a fucking ninja, she just drops from my head, grabs onto my shoulders. “Wee! This is fun!” She says.

“Max, come on,” Dave says, laughing. “You can’t tell me you can’t catch a single pony.” I growl and twist around, trying to shake her off. However, she just laughs. 

“God dammit, Dave!” I call. He shrugs. Finally, I use both my hand as a bunch of tendrils, trying to grab the pink crackhead and placing her on the ground. I finally succeed, and she giggles as she’s placed down. “Please refrain from climbing on me,” I say. She sticks her tongue out. “I really don’t like it.” She looks at me for a moment before smiling.

“Okie dokie,” she says. I highly doubt she’s actually going to stop, but at least I can grab her. I let go, and brace for the menace to latch onto me again. To my surprise, she doesn’t. I blink and look down to see her looking up at me. “Thanks for letting me ride you!” She says cheerfully. The fuck- she got on without permission! I start to retort, but sigh. Well, to be fair, she’s pretty childish. I don’t think she can really help it. I remember when I was young, I always had to be doing something. I turn around, and tense up, just waiting for her to jump back on. 

“Uh, sure, whatever,” I say. David snickers and waits in line with us. I look around and notice how everyone’s calmed down a bit, even going back to chatting. Interesting. I look back at the pink mare behind me, bouncing in place. Maybe that little scene helped me... I sigh internally. I guess I can try to pay her back later. I go back to waiting, ready to finally eat something today...
> Chapter 2: Establishing Terms
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 2: Establishing Terms


I happily chomp onto some bacon, before sipping on my cup of milk. I sit in a comfy room, where a round table is centered, and covered with food. My food. David watches on in shock as I keep shoveling food onto my plate. “You know-“ I bite into a waffle, chew and swallow. “-I didn’t think I was so-“ I place two sausage patties in my mouth, chew, enjoy, and swallow. “-didn’t think I was so hungry!” I say, continuing my campaign of eating. 

“Uh... Damn,” Dave says. “I know we didn’t eat much, but-“

“Oh! Have you tried their cinnamon rolls!?” Pinkie says beside me, scaring me again. 

“Ah!” I yell. “Oh, it’s you. Uh, what happened?”

“I asked if you had any cinnamon rolls,” Pinkie says. I shrug. She pulls one out of her mane. “Try one!” She says. I look at the cinnamon roll, and notice how there isn’t a single strand of hair on it. I squint my eyes, trying to find some, but failing. 

“... How did you do that?” I ask. 

“Do what?” She replies. 

“... Nevermind,” I say, taking the roll. I eat it, and smile a bit. I love the taste of cinnamon. 

“... And I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Celestia’s voice says, coming into earshot. 

“Well, still. There’s something off about one of them, besides the obvious,” another, unfamiliar voice says.

“Twilight, I promise you, he does not bear bad intentions.” The doors open, revealing Celestia, blue horse, and a group behind them. A lavender unicorn sees Pinkie and narrows her eyes.

“Wha- Pinkie! There you are!” She calls. Her gaze looks over to me, stuffing my mouth with a waffle. Her smile drops. I give a small wave as I swallow. 

“Yo,” I call. Dave sighs.

“Hi, I’m David,” he says, greeting them with a bit more dignity.

“Twilight! You should touch his hair! It’s so soft!” Pinkie says excitedly, pointing at me. I frown.

“Do that and you’re going out the window,” I warn. Twilight glances at her, then back at me with uncertainty.

“Nah, Maxie wouldn’t do that!” Pinkie says. She takes my moment of unawareness to hug me. “No one this soft could be a bad guy!” I give her a look that’s a mix scowling and confusion. 

“I’m not soft,” I say, gently trying to pry her off with my hand. “And don’t call me Maxie.” Pinkie let’s go and bounces off her seat, and towards her apparent friends. 

“Pinkie, did you see what he could do?” A rainbow-haired mare asks. “As cool as it was, it was a bit weird.”  

“I have to agree with Rainbow Dash sugarcube,” a southern voice says. The rest of the group walks in, and I can see them all in their entirety. There’s an orange pony with a blonde mane, wearing a Stetson. I’m guessing she’s the southern one. The blue and rainbow pony must obviously be Rainbow Dash. There’s a white unicorn with purple hair, and a yellow pegasus with pink hair. Celestia and the blue horse walk in behind them. 

“Allow me to introduce you to my little ponies,” she says. She points to Twilight, who I now notice has wings. “This is Twilight Sparkle. She is a magical pupil of mine.” Twilight nervously lifts a hoof in a wave. I give a thumbs up before eating another waffle. Celestia looks at Pinkie. “This is Pinkie Pie, she’s a party planner from Ponyville, and brings many ponies laughter.” Ponyville? That’s a name? Celestia looks at Rainbow Dash. “This is Rainbow Dash, a proud and loyal Wonderbolt.” Rainbow puffs her chest out, almost like a proud bird. 

“The fuck is a Wonderbolt?” Dave asks. Just like that, her confidence is shattered and she looks at Dave with shock.

“We’ll get to that later David. This pony is Applejack,” Celestia continues, gesturing to the orange pony. “She’s an honest and hardworking farm pony, famous for her family’s farm.”

“‘Ey, cinnamon!” I call. Everyone, except David, looks at me in confusion.

“Max, you know they won’t get it,” Dave says, face palming. 

“It’s worth a shot,” I say. Celestia clears her throat.

“Right, the next pony is Rarity Belle,” she says, gesturing to the white unicorn. “She’s a famous fashionista, and a truly generous pony.” I scoff at that one. 

“Sure,” I say. David sighs, while Rarity looks a bit offended, but says nothing. Celestia turns to the last pony, who’s actively trying to shrink away from my gaze. 

“This, is Fluttershy. She takes care of many animals, and is the kindest pony you’ll know,” Celestia says. I look at the cowering pony and feel a bit of familiarity. 

“... You take care of animals?” I ask. Fluttershy looks at me, and sees the curiosity behind my eyes. 

“U-um, yes,” she says.

“... When I was younger, I always wanted to be a veterinarian,” I say. She blinks and slowly stands upright. 

“Really?” She asks. 

“Yeah, I took a course for it, but I’m only qualified to be a technician,” I say. Celestia smiles as she sees that I’m getting along with someone. She turns to the blue horse. 

“This, is my sister, Princess Luna,” she says. At the word sister, Dave and I tilt our heads and looks at Luna. Dark blue fur, starry hair, moon butt-tattoo, and teal eyes. We look at Celestia. White fur, rainbow hair, purple eyes. How the fuck are these two related...

“... Oh! You’re adopted!” I realize. I freeze as it dawns on me that I said that out loud. David’s barely contained his laughter, Five of the six ponies are wide eyed and slack jawed, Pinkie’s spacing out, Celestia’s eyes are pinpricks, but she has a smile on her muzzle, and Luna looks perturbed. “... Sorry,” I say. Silence reigns.

“... Sister-“

“You’re not adopted Luna,” Celestia immediately says. “We would know if you were adopted.”  David bangs his head on the table.

“Dammit Max,” he finally says in between laughs.

“Well- you know how I am!” I say. “And don’t get me started, remember the ‘Hospital incident?’”

“How was I supposed to know she had diabetes!?” Dave asks. 

“Enough!” Celestia says, clearly annoyed with our shit by now. Dave and I stopped talking immediately, and sit upright. Celestia takes a deep breath. “Okay. I gathered you all here, because I wanted to discuss your living arrangement,” she starts, looking at us.

“Living arrangements?” I ask. 

“Well, we found some clues leading to a spell that may send you back, but it’s archaic and barely decipherable,” Celestia starts. “So, we need to do something with you two in the meantime, and I think you may be of use to us.” I frown.

“Sounds like the start of an evil villain’s deal,” I remark.

“Princess Celestia’s not a villain!” Rainbow Dash yells.

“Cool it Tekashi,” I say. “I’m just saying, this sounds like you’re going to ask us to do something like a quest.”

“Oh no, no quest! Just a simple job position,” Celestia says. “I’ve been meaning to place a garrison in Ponyville for a while now, due to the various monster attacks that happen weekly.”

“We don’t need help! We’ve got the power of friendship!” Applejack says proudly.

“... That was just cringe,” I say.

“Yeah, that was kinda cringe,” Dave adds, confusing the mare.

“I was wondering if anyone is willing to house these two?” Celestia asks. To this, I stare right at the ‘oh so generous one’. 

“Well, I’ve got plenty of room at the castle,” Twilight says. I keep staring right at Rarity. 

“Gee, thanks Twilight, thanks for your generosity,” I state loudly. David sighs as everyone looks a little put off.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just weird,” he says. 

“Um, anyway, I have plenty of room to spare,” Twilight says.

“Thank you. Now, David, Max,” Celestia says, drawing our attention. “I’ll need time to build up the garrison’s barracks. The barracks will be near the Everfree. Could you protect it?” I shrug.

“Sure, what could be so dangerous about watching some trees?” I ask. Dave nods besides me. 

“Good. Before the plans for the barracks are approved, it will take time. Could I trust that you two help in Twilight’s school? She’s a principal as well as a Princess,” Celestia says, with a bit of pride in her voice. 

“Sure, why not,” Dave says. To this, I cringe to myself a little, but nod. I don’t like dealing with kids.

“On that matter, I also have another proposition,” she says. “I noticed how you two were warming up. It looked like David had never used magic before.” 

“That’s because I hadn’t,” he says, surprising the magic users in the room. “I only learned because Max helped me.” They turn to me.

“I just guessed,” I say. 

“... In that case, I want ask if either of you had combat experience?” To that, David scoffs. 

“Tell her,” Dave says. 

“I mean, technically,” I say. Dave gives me a sharp look.

“Good! How does being a commander of a garrison sound?” She asks me. I hum as Dave shakes his head.

“... Sure, sounds good,” I say. Celestia nods, smiling. “However, I’ll need David to be a co-commander.” David shoots me a ‘what the fuck!?’ Look. 

“Uh- hold on for a moment,” Dave says, pulling me out of my seat. We get a bit farther and leans in close. “What the fuck are you doing!?” He whisper-yells.

“Taking a chance while it’s good,” I say.

“You don’t have any combat experience!” He states.

“One, fuck you, Halo Wars counts. Two, there’s a saying. ‘If you’re offered a great opportunity, but don’t know how to do it, take it and learn as you go.” David groans.

“Why ask me to be in this!?” He asks.

“Because I’m the type of person who would blindly accept a job despite not knowing how to do it. You’re like, ninety percent of my impulse control,” I say. He sighs.

“Okay, fine, but let me handle this. After this, I damn well better be left out of your decision making,” he says. I shrug and he lets go of me. “Hey, Princess, what’re our benefits?” He asks, walking up.

“Well, you’ll be given private quarters, an income of five hundred bits per week, you can train the soldiers however you want to, and you’ll get health insurance.” Dave hums at Celestia’s answer. Everyone else is a bit nervous as he shakes his head.

“Eight hundred, we get separate rooms with standard living, and pay us an upfront sum of fifteen hundred so we that we can afford some luxuries, and we get a television set.” Everyone looks at Dave like he poked a beehive. I silently thank God, because no one was confused by the idea of television, which means it exists. Celestia smiles.

“Six fifty, you can get your separate rooms, I’ll give you an upfront sum of eight hundred, and a portable radio,” she offers. Dave crosses his arms. 

“Seven hundred, and nine hundred upfront, and it’s a deal,” he says. Celestia nods. “Alright, sounds good. What now?” He asks. Celestia turns to Twilight. 

“I hope you have room for them soon, right?” She asks. Twilight nods.

“Of course! I can room them tonight!” She says.

“Then, let’s be off. We’ll take the chariots,” Celestia says. I blink.

“Chariots? You guys have radio, television, and stuff like that, but you don’t have trains?” I ask. 

“Oh, no, we do, but that costs money,” Luna says. “Tell me, do you have a fear of heights?” I look at her in confusion. She gives a small laugh. “Given your epiphany earlier, I think it’s best you see for yourself,” she says. 


I am fucking terrified. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” I yell. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE GUARD RAILS!?!?” The chariots we fly in are just that, chariots. Golden chariots being pulled by four pegasi in two lines. 

“It’s not so bad!” Dave yells, laughing. 

“FUCK YOU, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!” I call. 

“It’ll be fine Dude! Chill out! Can’t believe you’re the tougher one,” Rainbow says, flying next to us.

“FUCK OFF SKITTLES!!!” I yell. There are two chariots. One contains me and Dave, the other contains ponies. I’m clinging onto the front of the chariot, my grip’s even twisting the metal. 

“This is so cool!” Dave yells.

“I know right!?” Rainbow replies.

“FUCK BOTH OF Y’ALL!!!” I call, making them laugh at my expense. 

“Don’t worry, we’re coming up to Ponyville in a few minutes!” Rainbow says, coming in closer. “Why’re you scared of heights?”

“I’m not scared of heights, I’m scared of falling!” I yell, finally starting to calm down after hours of yelling. “Rollercoasters fucked me up back in the day!” 

“Good to know,” Rainbow says cryptically.

“Don’t lord it over me you color palette dump!” I yell. 

“Try not to break the gold chariot, it’s expensive!” Dave jabs.

“Oh go to hell!” I yell. He laughs as we start descending. Finally, we touch down on the ground. I wait until we fully stop before I plop onto the ground. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuck,” I groan. 

“You gonna be alright?” Dave asks. I flip him off, making him laugh. “Payback’s a bitch,” he says. 

“Okay every pony, please wait here, I’ll go set up your rooms!” Twilight says. I finally look up from the dirt and see the giant crystal castle. It’s huge, and sort of... tree like. It’s more like a crystal tree holding a stone castle. I look around and see the houses, which are much smaller, made with hay and stone. I hear Twilight and her pals walk off, all saying something, but I’m too preoccupied with the fact this is like seeing Trump tower at the head of a poor rural town. After a moment of getting my bearings, I get up, sighing.

“Finally, you’re up,” Dave says. I nod and stretch. I turn to see the chariots have already left. Good. I turn to Dave.

“I’mma go explore,” I say. He watches as I start walking away.

“Wait- explore? But you don’t know your way around this place,” he says. I deadpan at him and point at the giant fucking tower. 

“That’s kinda hard to miss,” I say. He sighs, dragging a hand down his face.

“Good point, I guess. Just don’t get into trouble,” he says. I give him a thumbs up and proceed to wander around town.

I walk down a random street, passing the town hall for the... tenth time. Turns out, it isn’t hard to find a castle, but it’s hard to find anything else. However, there is this one building that’s caught my eye. I passed it about four times, but since I can see the pink menace was in there, I stayed as inconspicuous as possible. Granted, it’s hard to do so when you’re taller than everyone here, but I managed. That, or the madmare’s taking mercy on me. Doubtful on that last one. As I walk, I hear a set of hooves land with a thud behind me. “What’re you doing!?” A raspy voice yells. I stop and look over my shoulder to see Rainbow Dash. She looks peeved.

“... Walking,” I say, noting how everyone around us is staring at us. 

“No- you’re plotting!” She says, glaring.

“... Oh, you mean planning,” I say, turning to her. “Sorry, since you guys are ponies, I was briefly wondering what the hell ‘assing’ meant. I guess not every word’s a horse pun Eh?” I ask. She huffs.

“I‘ve seen what you are,” she says. I furrow my brow and take my hand out of my pockets. 

“And what am I?” I ask, as the tension rises. 

“MAXIE!!!” A new voice yells, breaking the tension. I blink in confusion before a pink mass of fluff tackles me from the side, sending me to the ground.

“Fuck!!” I yell in surprise. I look at the sentient cotton candy animal and sigh. “Don’t call me that.”

“I missed you so much! Why didn’t you respond to any of my letters?” Pinkie asks. I send her a confused look.

“I’ve been here for all of half an hour. Why the hell would you send letters?” I ask, ignoring the fact that we technically live in the same town.

“Because I sent them to you four minutes ago!” She says, reaching into my hoodie’s pockets and pulling out three white envelopes. I grab them and look at the addresses. They all read ‘Maxie’s pockets’.

“How the fuck-“ As I question reality, I hear a thud.

“Ow,” David’s voice says. “Max... Why is Pinkie on top of you?”

“She glomped me,” I say. “So, what’s up?”

“Hey! I was talking to you!” Rainbow yells. I sigh, pick up Pinkie, and place her next to me before getting up. I pat myself down to get dirt off me before looking directly at her. 

“I don’t care,” I deadpan. I turn to David as Rainbow scoffs in offense. “Again, what’s up?”

“Uh, Twilight’s wondering where you are,” he says. “We need to get back.” 

“But I just found Maximus!” Pinkie complains.

“Don’t call me that. I’m sure we can talk more later,” I say to Pinkie before looking at Dave. “This Twilight pony looks a bit uptight, so I think it’s best if I just comply and get it over with.” Dave sighs. 

“Don’t get too excited,” he says sarcastically. “I know that you don’t like talking to people, ever since-“

“Alright I’m moving!” I interrupt loudly, quickly walking towards the direction of the castle. This makes me pass Rainbow, who keeps glaring at me as I walk past.

“I’ll reveal you,” she mutters. I stop and turn to her.

“I’ve got nothing to hide,” I say, before turning back and returning to the journey to the castle. Pinkie bounces up to match my speed as David finally catches up.

“Hey, what happened with Skittles?” David asks. I sigh.

“She doesn’t trust me or something,” I say.

“Who couldn’t trust you!? You have a very trustworthy face!” Pinkie says.

“Then you need your eyes checked,” I dryly note, causing her ears to turn down.

“Well, Dashie’s one of my super duper bestest friends!” She says, perking right back up.

“Oh, and I suppose that’s to mean something?” I ask. She nods, unphazed my my remark.

“Yup! She’s super nice when you get to know her!” She says. Dave snickers.

“Yeah, same could be said about Max,” he comments. I shoot him a look before rolling my eyes. 

“I can see that! Max acts all grumpy, but I know he’s nice and soft on the inside,” Pinkie says confidently, still bouncing alongside. I ignore her and look at Dave.

“Welp, I’ve got something of a layout of Ponyville in my mind,” I say. “I think I just circled around alot, but at least I know-“

“Oh! Did you see SugarCube Corner!? I work there, it’s full of the best sweets and pastries in all of Equestria!” Pinkie starts rambling, and I tune her out, looking over at Dave with a tired expression. He laughs, shaking his head. “... and then Applejack started pouring potato chips in and-“

“And we’re here!” I call out, turning to Pinkie. “Thanks for walking with us, but we’re really tired, so I’m probably gonna go take a nap. Bye bye!” With that, I grab David’s arm and star hurrying, dragging him.

“Oh! Do you want-“ 

“Nope!” I say, not even looking behind as I start running up the steps, with Dave scrambling to move his legs fast enough. I burst through the large castle doors, yank Dave through them, and slam them before Pinkie could get in. I wait a second and listen to the blissful silence. I sigh in relief. “Finally,” I say. 

“Ow, that fucking hurt,” Dave says. I look over to see him on the ground, rubbing his arms. 

“Sorry,” I say. “You alright? I didn’t throw you too hard, did I?” I ask. 

“No, I’m fine. Why were you hurrying?” Dave asks knowingly. I sigh.

“That pony is batshit crazy,” I simply say. 

“How? She just looks talkative to me,” he says. I pull out the letters and show him the addresses on them. 

“She pulled these out of my fucking pockets Dave. She’s fucking scary,” I say. He laughs.

“Oh come on Max. I’m sure she’s nice,” he says.

“Nope, don’t wanna chance it,” I say.

“Don’t want to chance what?” Another voice asks. We look over to see Twilight standing a little ways away from us.

“Nothing. So, where are our rooms?” Dave asks.

We both plop down onto our separate beds. I close my eyes and sigh as Dave looks over at me. “… Hey Max?” He asks. I crack an eye open. 

“Hm?” I hum. 

“Why have you been such an asshole to these ponies?” He asks. “I mean, normally you’re rough around the edges, sure, but it feels like you’re being extra on them.” I start to give a smartass response, but I stop. I suppose I have been a little much, even by my standards. 

“… I don’t know,” I mutter. “… I want to go home.” Dave sighs and looks over at me with a small, exhausted smile. 

“Max, I understand how you’re feeling, but could you pull yourself together?” He asks. I feel myself shrink a bit at the comment, but I won’t reply. He’s right, I need to pull myself together, and fast. In a way, this is all my fault that Dave’s even here. I just had to pounce on the opportunity to hang out with him, and I inadvertently dragged him into this mess. I grimace before Dave starts laughing. I look over at him.

“What’s so funny?” I ask, curious.

“Remember when we jumped out of class in high school?” He asks. I find myself barking out a laugh, 

“Yeah, we couldn’t stand the science teacher for one more minute,” I say. “The teacher kept calling on me because she knew I didn’t know shit about, what was it? Rain? Precipitation?” Dave snickers.

“Can’t remember, but that teacher also kept calling on me too. She hated that I had fun in that class,” he says. 

“Yeah, and then we both had enough of her shit and ditched her right in the middle of her bitching,” I reminisce. “Granted, security caught us, but still. That was fun as fuck.”

“… That was the first time we really talked to each other, wasn’t it?” Dave asks. I hum in thought.

“Yeah… I suppose it was… Detention had never been so fun,” I say. “Didn’t we ditch detention as well?”

“Yeah. You covered for me when we got caught again, but you had to go right back to detention for it,” Dave says. I nod, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Yeah…” with that, our conversation ended. I drift off to sleep, awaiting for morning to come…


“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-“ A scream wakes me up, making me yell before realizing what’s going on. Yet again, I am a pile of tendrils. 

“It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s just Max!” I hear Dave yell. I look towards the room’s entrance to see a small purple lizard thing. Quickly, I reform myself back to my usual shape and clothes.

“Twilight! There’s a monster!” The purple lizard yells before running off. Dave and I exchange glances before sighing. Today’s gonna be a long day…