Sensitive Matter
The knot which had already been tied in Twilight’s stomach tightened as she approached the imposing gates of Canterlot Castle, the many eyes of the guards stationed either in turrets, before the doors themselves, or along the brilliantly ornate yet tough perimeter wall all locked with her. This place was a second home to her, every hall and every room explored and mapped in her mind, yet its daunting presence never lost its ability to fill her with a sense of awe, and in such circumstances as this evening, an inkling of dread.
“Halt!” commanded one of the two gray-coated, gold-armored gatekeepers.
Twilight complied instantly, stopping as he and his comrade approached with their horns aglow with an all-too-familiar spell; a Changeling detection spell. Despite the warmth of the green aura she shivered a tiny bit as it washed over her body, the feeling quite unnatural. As the spell completed, the two guards looked to one another, nodding and turning back for their gate, their magic now working at the two massive doors to undo the latches and swing them open, allowing her entrance. Despite being royalty, she was subject to the same scrutiny and caution any other pony would be, and despite having been verified as legitimate, she could still feel the glares of the many guards stationed around the castle’s perimeter pushing down upon her.
The guard was always quite robust around the castle, especially in recent years with the ever-growing number of threats and attacks on Canterlot and Equestria, but on this day far more guardponies than typical were present. From what little information she had been via the two letters sent from Princess Luna, Queen Chrysalis had staged another attack on the capital, one of much smaller scale and one with far greater precision than before. It hadn’t been an invasion, it had been a focused, pin-point assault; she had been the sole assaulter, and she had aimed directly for the Princesses. What worried Twilight the most was the fact she had been so far from her home when it had happened; a mere four days ago she had received Princess Luna’s letters while visiting Cadance, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart.
Luna believed this to be no accident. Another thing of great worry was the fact she hadn’t gotten the letters from Princess Celestia. Luna only contacted her if something was wrong or needed to be dealt with urgently. The knot in her stomach tied tighter. Something had happened to Celestia, she knew it. Further cause for worry was how tight-lipped the Castle had been about the whole ordeal. Upon returning to Equestria, she had asked all her friends if they had any further information, and not a single one knew an attack had happened.
Something was wrong; terribly wrong, and the many possibilities of what could be wrong clawed their way through her thoughts. She finally scaled the grand case of stairs that led to the doors of the throne room, and with a nod, the two white Pegasus guards by each door hooked their hooves through the golden handles and pulled the heavy things open, allowing Twilight in. Instantly, her eyes went to the two thrones of the two sisters, finding Celestia’s majestic golden podium to be void of her ever-bright figure. Luna, however, sat right where she should be in her steel and silver seat of power, her azure eyes seeming luminescent against her phthalo fur and astral mane. Their light seemed even greater thanks to the dark circles her eyes held. Twilight had noticed the slouch in her usually perfect posture, her wings a bit limp at her sides and her ears nearly flat with her head. She hadn't ever seen her in such a grave state of unrest.
“Twilight Sparkle, I appreciate you coming,” declared the Princess, her voice croaking tiredly.
Twilight offered a quick bow, “of course, Princess! I came as quick as I could! Where’s Celestia?”
Luna sat in silence for a moment. “Resigned to her quarters,” she stood from her throne, beckoning Twilight forth with a hoof, “do follow, Twilight, for we both wish to speak with you.”
“So, she’s alright?” Twilight chirped with a hopeful smile, quickly trotting across the massive throne hall after Luna.
Silence was held until Twilight was at Luna’s side, the Night Princess gazing forward rather than down at her younger Alicorn comrade as they two made their way down the long hall leading away from the throne room.
“Alright is not a word I would assign to her condition. It seems Chrysalis was more focused on eliminating her foes rather than capturing them,” Luna took a breath, “my sister is missing her left wing.”
Twilight’s face contorted into a look of horror. “What? What!? But… how… w-why’d Chrysalis do that?”
“The only answer I find validity with is pure insanity. Something within that thing has changed from when we last encountered one another. Seems she took Starlight's words to heart; she released her love, but not to give to others, to make way for hate."
Still utterly shocked, Twilight babbled incoherently for a moment before finally managing to make a sentence of the thousands and thousands of words that dashed through her mind. “How did any of this happen?! How’d she attack?! Better yet, where is she? Did she escape? Is she still in the castle somewhere?!”
“The depths of Tartarus,” spat Luna, a scowl turning up the corner of her mouth, “where she belongs. I cast her there, and should my spells hold true, she shall return from her hell-scape prison after a thousand years. I once believed the punishment I served should never be placed upon any other being. I once believed this.”
Twilight’s shock had been diminished somewhat by Luna’s enmity-dripping words. She stared up at the deep scowl Luna held for but a moment before turning her eyes down to the long, red carpet they walked, hoping the daggers that were Luna’s eyes wouldn’t find her.
“You… banished her yourself?”
Luna only nodded.
Twilight swallowed a lump in her throat. “How? The… the last time she attacked Canterlot, you were captured…”
She flinched as Luna glared down at her. “I was not asleep this time. Had she managed to think on her decisions, she would have attacked me first. Fortunately, she did not. Love and friendship are powerful things, Twilight Sparkle, make no mistake, but when one finds their own sister dismembered, unconscious, and lying in a bed of their own crimson, the matter quickly overtakes the mind. Anger, and more importantly, hate, shall cast their shadows over any light, no matter how bright,” she huffed a breath through her nostrils, “should one let it do so.”
At a loss for words, Twilight bit her tongue and let the conversation cool a bit before deciding to pipe back up. “So… is Princess Celestia… awake? Is her wing the only problem?”
Sighing to help calm her nerves, Luna nodded. “She is awake, and somewhat well, yes. Her wing was the only thing Chrysalis managed to remove before I intervened.”
“That’s… good, I suppose.”
“A dot of light upon this dark canvas, indeed. Further light is shed by the fact I believe there to be a way for her wing to be returned.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Wait, what? You think there’s a way?”
Luna stopped, prompting Twilight to do the same and take look around at her surroundings to find they had reached the wing in which Celestia’s quarters were located. The place held an eerie, consuming silence, not a single hoof step or voice to be heard in the heavily guarded corridor. She too noticed just how many guards were stationed about; not only were there the typical day guards beneath their sun-adorned banners, but Luna’s small branch of the night guard were all posted within their small turrets in the high up marble and granite pillars and buttresses of the ceiling. All eyes felt as if they were on her.
She flinched as that familiar, uncomfortable sensation of a Changeling detection spell washed over her being. She looked ahead to see two of the six gray unicorn guards posted by the door of Celestia’s tower performing the spell on both her and Luna, and upon completion, the Princess nodded to the two gold-adorned guards as they stepped aside and opened the two double doors which would led into Celestia’s tower.
“Less of a think, more of a know, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna began as they stepped into first floor of the tower, the doors sealing behind them, “the success of this lies not with the magics I must work, but with you,” she let out a little sigh as she looked to the spiral staircase in the left of the well-lit, ornately decorated lounge room, “I feel it best you spend time with my sister. The architecture behind your role was all her crafting. On top of that, she has desperately missed you.”
Twilight’s ears folded flat, “she has? I-I wish I had been able to come sooner…”
Luna offered a faint, re-assuring smile, “you are not at fault for your absence, Twilight Sparkle. She knows this well. Do go on without me; I shall arrive in a moment.”
There was a break of silence as Twilight looked from the Princess to the stairs then back again, “alrighty…”
~§~
The closed door to the highest room of the tower stood dauntingly before Twilight. Behind was something she wasn't entirely sure she wished to see. She wasn't even sure if she understood what exactly was happening. Things hadn't moved at such break-neck speeds in a long time. She had become somewhat accustomed to being thrown into uncomfortable, even terrifying situations, but something about this particular moment felt so off.
She drew in a breath, raising a hoof and rapping at the door. Unexpectedly, it swung inward with the assistance of an all-to-familiar yellow glow of magic. Normally, Princess Celestia would call out to inquire who would knock at the brilliantly decorated, ancient door of her private bed chambers, even if Twilight had departed from the room and returned a moment later. On her belly, legs comfortably folded beneath her, lay Celestia upon the big, red, always wonderfully soft and cushiony pillow-like bed that resigned against the furthest wall of the cylindrical room. Her gently waving mane glowed with her sun’s evening light as it poured in through the wide, spanning windows that lined the wall behind her resting place. The remainder of the decorative room held a comforting glow provided by those same windows and that same sun, giving the place a happy, welcoming appearance.
The look in Celestia’s pink eyes, however, did not reverberate that welcoming sense. It was a look that somehow told two opposites; it pleaded for her to step further into the room yet simultaneously it pushed her towards the door, never allow another soul to enter, lest they lay eyes upon her. Then, Twilight’s focus fell upon Celestia’s left side, her breath catching in her chest as she glared at the bandaged twig that remained of her once brilliant and pure white wing. Before Twilight could get a word out, Celestia’s magic pulled a white blanket that had been off to the side over herself. Realizing her own wings were spread in surprise, Twilight quickly furled them back to her sides.
“Princess…” Twilight choked on her words, her mind freezing for a moment as thousands of possible statements scrolled through her mind, and when she did finally manage to pick something, all she sputtered was, “I-I’m sorry.”
Celestia blinked a few times, her gaze falling to the wayside as she found herself at a loss for words.
“I… came as quickly as I could,” managed Twilight as she took a step inside, clearing the doorway.
“Thank you for doing so.”
Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. That hardly sounded like Celestia. Celestia didn’t sound weak, or defeated, or down-trodden. Even when times were at their most dire she hadn’t sounded like that. A terrible silence gripped the bedroom before Twilight closed the door behind her, looking to the floor rather than Celestia as she walked to her bedside. She dropped to her haunches a short distance from Celestia, finally meeting her gaze. She had not wished to be looked upon by the angered eyes of Luna, and now, she wished not to meet the pain-filled gaze of her mentor and friend.
“How… how did this happen?”
Celestia shut her eyes, letting her head droop slightly. “She attacked me. It was in the morning. How she was able to… do what she did, I don’t know,” she opened her eyes, the fire of anger alive in her gaze, “I can’t ask her.”
“Luna told me that part...”
“She told you what you needed to know,” Celestia met her gaze, “and what you needed to know is something that no other pony shall need to know. Tell none of your friends about any of this.”
Shocked by the uncharacteristically firm and brooding tone Celestia's voice held, Twilight remained in silence. The Alicorn tucked beneath that white blanket was hardly a pony she recognized.
“Luna said there was a plan; a way to get your wing back. How is that possible? Lost limbs can't just be… regrown. That's impossible, right?”
Celestia seemed to relax a little. “Conventionally, it is entirely impossible,” she smirked ever-so-slightly, “my sister, however, is nothing less than diligent. She’s spent much time bringing ancient, arcane spellbooks to the light of day. Books meant to remain in darkness, as their roots are with it.”
Twilight blinked. Luna’s sleep-deprived state suddenly made sense. A split second later she blinked a few more times, her mind hanging on the last parts of Celestia’s speech.
“Wait… texts like that are supposed to be-“
“Forbidden. I know. I’m the one who forbid them. These texts would be extremely dangerous, even deadly in the hooves of a pony such as yourself. My sister, however, is not a normal pony. The magic these books were born from, and the magic from which they draw their power, is the same magic Luna is born from.”
“I… still,” Twilight began, her expression showing her confusion, “re-growing a limb shouldn’t be possible! Right? Regeneration spells of any kind require there to be… the limb itself!” she paused, epiphany striking her, “did Luna manage to save your wing? She must have…”
Celestia sighed. “She did not. Chrysalis… we don't know what she's done with it. Possibly, she cast it to whatever cave she had been cowering in to keep as a trophy. Maybe she simply destroyed it. I do not know. I wasn't awake to find out.”
The pain brought by the act of thinking about what had happened sang clearly in Celestia's eyes. Twilight could hardly bear to look her in the eye.
“Well… if it's truly gone… how are these spells supposed to work?”
Celestia took a breath, her expression shifting into what Twilight could only interpret as embarrassment.
“That’s where I need you,” she squeaked.
Twilight’s ears perked attentively. Celestia turned her gaze to the evening Equestrian horizon that sprawled beyond the windows behind her, the moment of silence she maintained only causing further questions as to exactly what she needed to rise in Twilight’s mind.
“Many, many years ago, before this very castle stood, I had a lover. I’ve had many, of course, but she was one of a kind; the first and only mare I had fallen in love with. In those far-gone times, I was much younger. Hundreds of years old, not thousands. I was unsure of what sort of… lover I should be. She… she loved me far more than I could love her. Even at the peak of our relationship, I was so unsure of if the feelings I had were… genuine.”
She brought her eyes back to the inside of the bedroom but maintained a lack of eye-contact with Twilight.
“I now know that I simply don't have the love for mares that I do for stallions. I wish I had known this sooner, for I could have saved her from having to fall in love with me in the first place.”
For a split second she met Twilight’s confused gaze, quickly diverting her eyes thereafter, nervous and nearly ashamed of herself.
“She’s the only pony in my history who you can impersonate, Twilight.”
Twilight blinked.
“What?”
“She's the only mare I've ever loved, and who's ever loved me back.”
Still stunned, Twilight tripped over her tongue as she tried to put thousands of thoughts into words.
“I-I understand that part… but why am I impersonating her?! And… why is it somepony from the past?! I love you, Celestia; you're family to me! Why should it be somepony who's been a… lover?”
“You don't love me in the way I need you to, Twilight. This lover of mine; she was a pegasus. As I’m sure you know, pegasi preen one another’s wings when they’re mates.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Wait…”
Celestia remained silent, letting her figure things out on her own.
“You… need me to preen your wing…”
Celestia nodded.
“While impersonating your previous marefriend…”
She nodded once more.
“And return to the present with a feather. Celestia… y-you’re basically asking for me to make love to you!”
Seeming a bit ashamed, Celestia hid her eyes behind her mane, “I understand. Luna and I have thought this over for some time now. This is the only option we have.”
Before she could blurt out again, Twilight bit her tongue, taking a deep breath to calm herself.
“There’s no possible way I can go back… I-I don’t know, a few months and get a feather from you?”
“If I were to waltz up to you and pluck at your wings, would you have questions?”
“I… I would-“
“Vice-versa. To get a feather of mine, you’d be answering questions, and doing so would alter the past, thus altering the future. On top of that, there’s the slim chance you might run into your past self.”
The pieces finally dropping into place, Twilight nodded, “and that could create a time loop, or a singularity, or… you’re right, this is the only option.”
There was a break of silence as Twilight huffed out a sigh of resignation.
“I know this is a difficult task, Twilight, but…”
“No buts, Celestia. If this is what I’ve got to do to help you, then it’s what I’ve got to do,” returned Twilight with a straightened posture and resolute tone.
Celestia’s lips curled into a small smile, her hooves coming from beneath her blanket to pull Twilight into a warm hug.
“Thank you, friend.”
Twilight found herself stunned. She’d been called many things by Princess Celestia, but for some reason, ‘friend’ had never been one of them.
~§~
“Within this text lies the only spell you shall need on your journey.”
Twilight watched the ancient, decrepit tome in Luna’s azure aura float before her, the ozone scent of her magic overpowering any dusty smell the thing most certainly gave off. It was placed atop the short coffee table she and Luna sat before on their cushions, Twilight eyeing the title-less, juniper cover with a look of slight disgust, as she was quite sure the book was bound with dyed, tanned skin.
“Uh… what sort of spell would that be?”
Luna looked to her sister, who was still lying in her bed, but no longer concealed herself with her blanket. Rather, she had turned herself to where her right side faced the two sitting across the room, her wingless left aimed to the windows she gazed beyond.
“The spell which will give you the form of sister’s lover,” explained Luna, her words causing Celestia to look away from the sunset beyond the windows, “a spell more perfect than the magic a Changeling possesses to become their victim.”
“This book looks questionable,” Twilight returned with a sceptic tone.
“Questionable, indeed. The roots from which these spells were born are of darkness and ill-intent. Roots do not define the tree which grows from them. I once felt no soul should possess this book. I felt destruction suited it best. Destroying what one perceives as wrong makes that pony no better than the thing which they destroy. The true insult to evil is to not destroy it but mold it for good.”
A bit jarred by the seemingly off-topic speech, Twilight merely nodded in concurrence.
“And,” she began after a moment, looking to Celestia over on her bed, “how am I supposed to find this lover? Equestria was still a big place back then, and it was quite a bit different.”
“Easy; she lived within our castle in the Everfree. She was the head curator of the castle's décor. If a single chair was moved a hooflength, she'd know. She was a lot like you in that respect; diligent, observant, and quite obsessive-compulsive.”
“I'm not obsessive-compulsive!” retorted Twilight.
Celestia silently replied with her all-too-familiar ‘oh really' expression.
“Oh, fine,” grumbled Twilight as she turned her eyes down, “maybe I am a bit.”
“All the easier it shall be for you to act as she did,” commented Luna.
Twilight nodded. “I suppose that’s true. I should probably figure out what she looked like before I figure out how she acted, though,” she turned to Celestia.
Celestia’s face adopted a soft look of reminiscence, the focus of her gaze being with nothing in particular. “Her coat was a powdery white that shined in my sun’s light, her wavy mane and tail gleamed a silver hue that I could swear was purer than the armor our Royal Guard wore, and her eyes were an incredible honey yellow that could make a cockatrice think twice. Slender, somewhat undersized when compared to those around her, and certainly when compared with myself. I liked that about her. I liked a lot of things about her.”
Twilight couldn't help but smile at Celestia's sweet sentiment. “I can certainly tell you loved her. It's odd, I never once thought you'd be the kind of mare to have a marefriend.”
Celestia let out the smallest sigh, “well, that's because I'm not,” she looked to Luna, who was currently reading something within the ancient spell tome, “I ended up being the one to stray away from my own sex, rather than embrace it as equally as I did the opposite.”
Luna hummed, keeping her eyes fixed on the book. “I had known from the beginning you had no interest in mares. I attempted to warn you of such.”
“Wait, Luna…” Twilight began, “you're bisexual?”
She only nodded.
“Huh. I… also never would have guessed. How'd you come to find out?”
“After the fifth mare exited my chambers I began to suspect myself of being a bisexual.”
Celestia could almost hear Twilight's shock. “She's being facetious, Twilight.”
“Maybe in tone, but not in numerics. In fact, I have deflated the count.”
Twilight looked at the reading Princess with a cautious, but also curious expression. “If you don't mind me asking, how many lovers have you had?”
“A fair too many to count.”
Twilight hadn’t been expecting that reply. She looked to Celestia, who simply shrugged. Suddenly, the tome which Luna had been burying her muzzle in was held before Twilight’s face, Luna’s hoof hovering over a set of words which were pure gibberish to Twilight.
“This spell is what I have mentioned previously.”
Twilight blinked a few times as she took the decrepit thing in her magic, trying to make sense of the faded ink on the yellowed parchment; ‘Iedi t ctatche’.
“W-What is this supposed to mean? This… isn’t Equestrian.”
“Indeed.”
“But… what does it say?”
“Another skin.”
“What language is this in?”
“A long-dead tongue of mages. Fortunately for you, I speak it, and thus, I can teach you this spell.”
“How long do you think that could take? We have to act fast… right?”
“Technically,” began Celestia, drawing Twilight's eyes to her, “we could wait as long as we like. This isn't a time sensitive matter… in the traditional sense. That said, I'd very much like my wing back, and the longer I remain in solitude, the more questions ponies are going to ask.”
“I can understand the first part, but why is this being kept a secret? Why not tell the truth?”
“Because we aren't lying to begin with.”
Twilight got the sense from her tone and expression it was best to simply drop that topic. She turned her eyes back to the book, reading the unintelligible words for a moment.
“Is this the only spell I'll need?”
Luna nodded.
“And,” Twilight now looked over to Celestia, “what else do I need to know about your lover?”
“As much as I can tell you.”