Am I Enough?
The cool night air clashes with the geothermal heat rising from our territory. Nature at odds with itself. Heh. I relate. It’s ironic, really. Before a certain someone, I never would’ve drawn that parallel. Before my life changed forever, all I could think of was trying to make my way in a society that valued raw power. Power was status. Power was supreme. Power was festering avarice.
I am Ember, the current Dragon Lord. I’m known for my speed, wits and for being the first dragon to open relations between my kind and ponies at large. I am also, as put by some who disapprove of my ascent…built like a toothpick in comparison to my father and predecessor, Torch, among other large dragons that I now hold sovereignty over. I never would have gotten this far without a certain baby dragon who spent his whole life with ponies. Before, that was something I would have scoffed at and discouraged. Now, I look back on it and sigh. I sigh with contemplation, relief and pity.
If that dragon, Spike, had never been raised by ponies and helped me see how important having friends is, I wouldn’t be here. I’d have “pretend importance”—I’d just be the daughter of a retired Dragon Lord, a name with no gravity, a face with no impact. My claws wouldn’t even come close to carving new entries in the history of our kind. My flames wouldn’t burn with the will of my ancestors. I’m more than just a name and a face and I got to prove that because of Spike!
Spike was a dragon raised by ponies. He was a dragon who lived among ponies and who saw them as his friends, his family. But being different from them by simply existing as another race, isolated from other dragons, must mean that his upbringing has been nothing but a series of unanswered questions that he had choked down time and time again in order to go about daily life.
He’s a different kind of strong. Sure, he’s not big or powerful. Compared to my father, his powers might be considered less than infantile. It’s refreshing to me, though, to know that he hasn’t been taken over by the insatiable avarice that all dragons have. His physical growth will be much slower—virtually stagnant—without it, but what he lacks in size, he makes up for in character. He’s strong enough to embrace his feelings and come to terms with himself. I’m trying to be able to say the same, but hey, I’m learning. Everypony is. Ha! Wow, the ponies’ strange customs are growing on me faster than I thought.
I feel the heat of the earth beneath me and the cool atmosphere of the night grazing my scales. My ascension was a shock to everyone, and I am no exception to that. It’s what I’ve always wanted and Spike humbly gave up the opportunity to lead the dragons. He had faith in my leadership skills. We had just met and he had faith in me! That’s so strange, so foreign, so…sweet.
And so, the blue toothpick leads the most powerful sentient race of reptiles in the known world. I was so proud! I was excited! Even though I lacked muscle, I’d felt stronger than ever! All of my brethren heeded my voice! My voice! On top of that, I got to work closely with Spike, the new dragon-pony ambassador and my first real friend. The one who first opened my eyes to more than my own interests. From the time I met him onward, I firmly believe he’s made me a better leader than I would have been otherwise.
Ever since I was a hatchling, succeeding and surpassing my dad had been a dream of mine. When I wasn’t growing as fast as some of the other dragons in my generation, I tried to make up for it by showing a tremendous amount of independence, or attitude. I wouldn’t let anyone stand in my way or act like they were better than me. That’s a big part of why Spike’s friendship was so hard to accept at first. Only part, though.
Twilight and I have been corresponding in letters, learning about each other’s cultures. Ponies don’t take lava baths, or rather they can’t. Who’d have thought it? I’ve been learning a lot about friendship via these letters, especially once I put her advice into practice. The other dragons have been getting the hang of friendship in the wake of me leading by example. They admired me because I led by example and some of them have expressed that they’ve found my rule refreshing due to putting less emphasis on draconic might and more emphasis on embracing who you are.
I had had trouble embracing my own identity once upon a time. Sometimes, contrary to my efforts, I didn’t feel like I was a real dragon when I was surrounded by bigger hatchlings. Getting to this point in my life was me proving to myself and my peers that I was just as much a dragon as any other in the Dragon Lands. I didn’t want to be a princess for nothing. I wanted to stand for something. I wanted to break the mold, crush the norm and eat the status quo for breakfast.
Okay, I admit it. Maybe that was a bit overkill, but in my defense, my conviction wavers for none and Tartarus hath no fury. I would take my chances as I would take my strides.
My peers were my rivals. I had told myself that I wouldn’t bow to some boulder-headed chump.
And yet, here I stand, wondering if I really am the leader my brethren deserve. The day when things look bleak and our bound to get worse, when even we have our backs up against the wall, is the day when I will get my answer. It’s the day I fear most and it may never happen. It very well could, though, and I’m not just worrying needlessly like Twilight Sparkle. Or was it Starlight Glimmer? I can never get those two set straight in my head.
The reason why I worry is deeply rooted in something my father said to me the night after my coronation. It was when he told me why the past Dragon Lords were always big and strong. When he did, I felt chills surge through every nerve of my body. It was long ago, but I remembered it like it was mere hours ago.
“Ember,” Dad had grumbled when we were alone, gazing up at the stars of Luna’s night, “never before have I been so proud…and so scared.”
“Because I’ll always be your hatchling or some parent thing like that?” I asked, finding his words rather cliché at the time. His reaction shocked me then, but never again could it have the same effect.
He let out a deep chuckle from his throat, full of amusement, but tinged with somberness. All I picked up at the time was that something was amiss and he was about to tell me something with the magnitude to change my life forever. He finally looked me in the eyes.
“You have your mother’s eyes… Blazing like a bold, fire ruby red,” Dad somberly said. I was shocked. He wasn’t the touchy-feely type by any means. He wasn’t one to bring up Mom, either. Usually, I brought it up whenever I had a question about her and his answer would often be flat in tone. He looked back up at the sky and asked, “Do you know why we live here?”
“Because we’re strong enough to handle the terrain,” I had replied proudly. My father chuckled again. “No?”
“You’re right. Well, half right. Hundreds of years ago, long before you were hatched, the dragons settled in these lands, which were otherwise inhabited. I suppose you could say in a past life, we were refugees.”
“Refugees?!”
Dragons were refugees? What were we running from? Dragons were one of the most powerful races in Equestria, the world even! Our strength and ferocity was legendary in every corner of the world. I could tell he wasn’t joking, but I couldn’t believe how casually he dropped that on me.
“Would you like me to continue?” Dad had asked. Crossing my arms, I assumed it was rhetorical and gave a lucid nod. “Legends tell of dragons existing everywhere centuries ago, but there was once a land we all could call home. We lived a peaceful existence, but we made sure our power was known by the neighboring creatures. Though, there were few who believed that we should be sovereign over them. Those rogue dragons started what they called a revolution. It was nothing more than a needless civil war in my eyes. I gathered whoever I could, and we fled, though not without injury.”
I said nothing. What could I say? What would even I say if I could? A dragon civil war? The old timers were injured? Dragon conquistadors? It was so much. Too much. No one talked about this! Rightfully so, I now believed. It was better to keep those dark ages buried for now, letting complacency grip the hearts and minds of the dragons in the stead of fear.
“I had hardened my heart around every dragon but your mother,” my father and predecessor informed me. “In order to stave off the potential threat of the rogues, only the mightiest among us have held the name ‘Dragon Lord’.”
“Until me…” I mumbled, the shock dissipating and the gravity of this wild history lesson slowly seeping into my mind. I fell to my knees, unable to stand effectively while imagining the carnage.
Dragons clashing with one another with enough force to shake the heavens… Blood soaked claws, shattered scales and desecrated carcasses… The land and members of my brethren burning as one under the unforgiving tides of war… What my dad and the old timers went through would haunt them forever, and yet I had never even detected an inkling of tragedy. Come to think of it, had I even tried?
No. No, I hadn’t. I trembled. My whole body writhed in numbness. What in the name of Tartarus were those blood-thirsty monsters in dragon scales thinking?! No wonder those of my generation never really liked outsiders. Our parents didn't trust outsiders and they're the ones who raised us. After events like that, it’s hard to know who to trust. If Spike knew any of this, how would he react? Would he start to assume things about his parents? No, no, they couldn’t have been casualties. If I understood Dad, this civil war took place hundreds of years ago. Still, he probably wondered where they were every night before bed.
“W-Why are you telling me all this?” I ask with an embarrassingly shaky voice, half afraid he would slake my curiosity with some monumental weight for my shoulders. As if I wasn’t overwhelmed already…
“Because I want you to know that I’ve never underestimated you,” Dad answered, taking me by surprise once more. “You remind me of all the reasons I fell for your mother and I couldn’t be prouder of you…nor more terrified for the future of your reign.”
…And that should bring you up to speed, right? Come to think of it, it was this very spot. My dad told me about the dragons’ civil war right here, the night I was crowned Dragon Lord. Of course, I would answer the call to action, but could I? That was the dominant question. Dad forbade me from the Gauntlet of Fire to protect me, but I didn’t want to be protected. I wanted to do the protecting. Now the magnitude of that desire has taken residence in my bones; I felt the weight of my responsibility with every movement of every muscle in my body. I’m learning empathy, but I can never fully understand the struggles of my ancestors, nor could I imagine the weight that was on Dad’s shoulders during his reign. Even now, with that very same weight lifted onto my shoulders, I find it larger than life. I was a pebble replacing a mountain.
Slowly but surely, I am befriending the other kingdoms and races. We could bear our crosses together and unite to form a prosperous pact unlike anything ever seen before. If my little dragons are hunted by those who rebelled, my friends would surely come to help me, but could I help them? I may fall, but I couldn’t afford to in those circumstances. Not when there were those who needed me. I scowl a bit as I look down at my hand, my claws reflecting the moonlight. I looked at my palm, then I flipped my hand over to look at my knuckles. Then I turned my wrist to look at the side of it, thumb up, of course. I made a fist. I’d know what I would have to do, but would I have it in me?
Am I enough?