A Quest for the Ages
The winds of the icy north howled ferociously, and was accompanied by the crunching of snow as Rarity walked through the tundra that made up the outskirts of the Crystal Empire. Not too far ahead from her was the gaping maw of the cave that she had been making her way towards for the past several minutes. Her journey thus far had been one that was filled with vicious monsters, such as the Three-Headed Snow Dragon, who Rarity beat to death with her trusty Staff of the Elders, and the Great Grizzly of the Eternal Winter, who attempted to decimate the unicorn with the claws it had used to annihilate adventurers, both old and new.
However, it was no match for Rarity’s skillful hoof-to-hoof combat. The lightning-fast blows she dealt to the bears thick hide had it capitulate in mere seconds. To her delight, the beast had hidden quite the hoard of bits beneath its hide. Perhaps that’s why she had heard stories of arrows snapping in twine as they struck its body.
“So, this is where Lazarus the Wise buried his legendary spool of thread,” Rarity said once she reached the cave’s entrance. She took out a map, which detailed a large, winding pathway. Several X’s marked where she had heard of dangerous traps, ranging from pits of spikes to tripwires that would fire off darts coated in the most lethal of snake's venom.
But above all else, the map detailed something that filled her with as much glee as it did terror. The Elders she had trained with always spoke of a terrible and secretive group of ninjas that had killed many of their pupils for what they viewed as dishonoring those who came before them, so it struck Rarity as surprising when she learned that the cave she now stood at the entrance to was the place they called home.
And it just so happened that they were in possession of Lazarus the Wise’s spool.
Rarity rolled up the map and took out a torch—lighting it up with her magic. Ahead of her was a narrow corridor filled with rock and a few indentations in the wall that held jeweled vases, which she admired as she passed by them “As nice as these are, they are not of any value to me,” she said to herself. “No, I am here for one thing and one thing only, and if you shall stand between me and my treasure.” Confidently, she strutted onward, the howling of the wind becoming fainter and fainter. “So nice to have a little bit of peace and quiet now,” she said, keeping a sharp eye out for anything that looked to be even the slightest bit odd to her.
Click
Rarity facehoofed before expertly dodging a barrage of arrows that flew her way; each of them whizzing past her. “Well, excuse me for desiring a little bit of silence.” She stood up once the arrows had stopped firing, brushing off her leather armor as she did so. “I guess there are some traps that I have not heard of.”
“Actually, we just installed these.” A unicorn clad in black cloth dropped down from the ceiling. “Allow me to introduce myself: I am One.”
“You must be a part of the One Hundred Dragons?” Rarity inquired.
“That I am.” One teleported behind Rarity. “I am the youngest of us all, and the fastest!”
However, before One could make even a single move, Rarity herself teleported behind him and threw a volley of attacks, effectively turning him into a punching bag. “Hiyah!” Rarity drew a leg back and thrusted it forward, sending an immense amount of energy through One and sending him careening across the room and into the rocky wall at the other end of the corridor.
“One down, ninety-nine to go.” Rarity dusted clapped her hooves together and happily trotted down the corridor, keeping an extra sharp eye out for anything else that may or may not be a booby trap. Lucky for her, the map she had made from various accounts from other adventurers had been firmly planted in her mind.
A short while later, Rarity arrived in an ice-covered room. Above her was a large hole that gave her the impression that she was in a volcano that housed ice and snow over lava and rock. However, she knew where she was—and it was no volcano.
Up ahead, and looking down at the unicorn, with two diamond eyes, was a fifteen foot tall idol.
The Great Yeti God, Adrigorn.
Rarity had heard many stories from dozens of adventurers in the tavern over the years. Horror stories of how the room came to life and how friends and family members were swallowed into the walls by beasts of ice and rock. Screams that awoke the dead, who fought once more as slaves to the abominations.
“And who should slay them, the demons of Tartarus send their weapons up through the ground to finish what they started,” Rarity said to herself. Beyond the idol was a gate with a gold-plated lever in front of it.
“When one pulls it, they awaken.” Rarity took a deep breath and walked over to lever, which she pulled back. The room shook—violently. Snow fell from the ceiling, and bats scrambled in every which direction.
“I… return.” A groggy voice rumbled through the frigid air, blocking out the sound of the slowly rising gate. Thunderous footsteps soon followed, along with the grumble of several other voices.
Rarity slowly turned her head. Six large bipeds, each covered in white fur, and each standing at least nine feet tall, stood in front of the wall that they'd once called their home—or potentially their bed.
“Her.” One of the yetis pointed a large, furry finger at Rarity. “She is the one who has come to offer herself to Adrigorn.”
Rarity gulped. “No, no, no!” She attempted to teleport to the other side of the gate, only to feel a hand wrap around her horn and pull her up. “Silly little pony. No one gets out of here alive. Unless they lucky!”
“Don’t you mean ‘they’re’?” Rarity asked.
“Stupid little pony try to correct genius Olaf on grammar?” Olaf laughed. “Nothin’ smarter than Olaf! Not even Olaf mommy or daddy!” With another laugh, Olaf threw Rarity into the gate, which she crashed through.
“Oh, what a gentleman,” Rarity said cheerfully—attempting to hide the fear she had as the other yetis walked up behind Olaf.
“Olaf!” One of the yetis slapped him upside the head. “We cannot fit through that door!”
Rarity ran off as she saw one of the yetis draw a large, icy blade from what seemed to be its fur. Whether it was actually a sheath or it was actually composed of blades, she didn’t care to find out. Regardless, a hellish scream filled the air, sending another chill down her spine. Without a second thought, she galloped down the corridor. As she rounded a corner, she nearly ran into a werewolf clad in heavy plate (and black) armor.
“Ah, I thought that there was an adventurer in the cave’s hallways!” He clapped his hands together and smiled. At least, Rarity assumed that he smiled. His face was hidden beneath a knight’s helmet. “Allow me to introduce myself: I am Two. I am but a lowly guard dog in the eyes of One Hundred, but he pays me with daily meals and believes me to be a worthy successor to his guard captain.”
“So I take it you’re going to kill a mare of class?” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes.
“I do find unicorns to be exceptionally delectable,” Two responded. “So, I am afraid that I must indeed ki-”
Rarity slammed her staff into the ground, sending out a shockwave of green energy that shredded Two into a thousand small pieces.
“No one lays a hand or hoof on me in such a classless manner.” Rarity stepped over the jigsaw puzzle that Two had become. “I must make sure to bring this up with the management department for this horrid clan.”
Although the public relations department to for The One Hundred Dragons would most likely attempt to kill Rarity the second she stepped into their room, the unicorn-turned-monk continued on her way to obtain the treasure she had come to claim. From winding corridor to winding corridor, rat infested hallway to rat infested hallway, and room full of skeletons to room full of skeletons.
Each area of the cave felt surprisingly similar to the last, like the architects got lazy and decided to copy and paste the same location over and over.
“Oh, how dreadful,” Rarity remarked as she stepped into another bedroom that had a single mattress in the center of the room. “I say, how in the world does anyone survive here?”
“It is quite simple, my dear!” A pegasus stallion dropped down from the ceiling and spread his wings. “But first, allow me to introduce myself: I am Three! I am a vampire and I suck at my job.”
“Do all of you feel the need to introduce yourselves to me?” Rarity asked.
“One Hundred says that good manners are an essential part to building character,” Three answered. “And I dare not question him as the last time I did, he shoved a morning star into my kneecap.” Three flashed a grin at Rarity. “He also says that any adventurer is to be killed on sight, their loot confiscated, and their-”
Rarity shoved her staff through Three’s heart.
“Stop talking and actually fight me, genius.”
Three narrowed his eyes. “I can’t, I’m dying.”
Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “I thought only stakes worked on vampires.”
“Tis but a myth,” Three said. “Now, I must bid you adieu.” With a loud scream, Three turned into ash.
“Hm… perhaps I should let them actually try to fight me,” Rarity said. She walked through the door that rested on the other end of the room, only to be greeted by a dragon with a smile that would make her cleric friend, Sister Pinkie T. Pie, cringe.
“Oh, a visitor for little old Four?” she said. “How exciting! I don’t often get visitors. Most are often killed by those scary yetis that One Hundred keeps around as slaves! Oh, wait, allow me to properly introduce myself: I am Four and I honestly just got lost here.” Four took a deep breath and gave another smile. “So, in my desperation to not be murdered by a bunch of scary ninjas, I decided to join them. I mean, it seemed like a really good option, but now I can run away since the path back is clear, right?”
Rarity slowly nodded her head.
“Oh, fantastic!” Four threw her weapons behind her and cheered. “See ya!”
Rarity stood motionless as Four ran by her. She remained motionless for a very long time. She could hear some of the other members of the clan talk from the floors above.
“What the heck just happened?”
A fair amount of time passed as Rarity stood motionless. But, eventually, she resumed her quest, going once more from room to room. It was a dreary process; the rooms were devoid of treasure and any enemies to really fight. Sure, the occasional rat would scurry up to her leg and try to attack her, but it took not an iota of effort for Rarity to exterminate it. A quick blast from her staff, or a swift jab, and the rat was history. The treasure it may have held within its fur wasn’t worth the effort of inspecting, especially when ninjas were around.
“Halt!”
Such as now.
Rarity drew her staff and held it out. “Who are you?”
“Wow, someone who asks me before I have to tell them.” A unicorn mare with a coat as white as Rarity’s stepped out from the shadows. “I am Five!” she said. “And I… I really need to use the bathroom.”
Rarity tilted her head. “Um… there’s no-”
Five threw a swift right hook to Rarity, causing her to stumble backwards. “Hah, that always fools you silly adventurers.” Five teleported over and leaped on top of Rarity, throwing punch after punch.
Wham!
Rarity fired off a magic bolt, stunning Five mid-punch. “And you silly lackeys never seem to aim for my horn!” She spun her staff around and threw it; causing it to whack Five like a blunt instrument version of a helicopter’s rotor blades. After some time, Rarity went over and retrieved her staff from the fallen ninja. “Hm, I always knew that asking to be taught that would come in handy one day.” She smiled and happily trotted off, leaving behind quite possibly the single worst mess she’d made in the past three hours.
And that’s saying something considering the janitor who’d have to clean up Two no doubt quit the second he saw that.
Sometime later, Rarity found herself in a dining room. Well, what could only be considered a dining room in the eyes of someone who’d never dined in an actual dining room.
There were broken dishes everywhere, rotten food littered the floor, and the foul stench of dead things assaulted Rarity’s nostrils six ways from Sunday. With immense hesitation, and with the urge to let the contents of her stomach fly out of her mouth, she proceeded into the room, only to be assaulted by a voice that she was sure would haunt her dreams until the day she died.
“Cease that action you call movement and look at me!”
Rarity looked around the room frantically until her eyes landed on a ratman, no taller than one foot. “Yeah, me! I’m Six!” He put a hand up to his chin and rubbed it. “Hey, wait a second! You’re Rarity, right?”
“Yes, I am,” Rarity said, slight concerned.
Six let out a shriek. “I knew it!” He ran up to Rarity. “I knew that you were the wretched cretin who slayed my brother at the Siege of Ozkrat’s Castle!”
The events of the siege flashed before Rarity’s eyes. Scenes of her slaying countless orcs as they attempted to lay waste to the Canterlot. Then she saw it: a ratman wielding a blunderbuss. He’d slain seven guards that she had told herself she’d protect until her dying breath.
“You still there, Rarity?” Six asked. “Cause if you aren’t, that makes this all the less satisfying for me!” He threw a punch to Rarity’s stomach…
And did nothing.
As for Rarity, she eventually snapped back into reality. Once she did however, she immediately stepped on Six. “Your brother was a foul beast,” she said. “Serves him right for being put to death.”
A sense of shock filled Rarity. What had overtaken her? Was she beginning to become one of the monsters that she had been slaying for the past several years of her life? How could she be so uncouth!?
With a quick shake of her head, and the reminder of the promise of amazing loot at the end of this cave, she ran through door after door, ignoring the rats, ghosts, skeletons, and whatever other monsters that may have inhabited this part of the cave that the ninjas called their base of operations. As she entered another bedroom, which she believed to be the forty-seventh at this point, she saw quite possibly the single most absurd thing she’d seen all day. Or night. She wasn’t sure what time it was.
A bipedal lobster.
“Greetings, young unicorn! I am Seven!” he lobster said. “I’m lucky because I wasn’t eaten by anyone here. These fellows seem to have a love for seafood.”
“Right.” Rarity ran by the lobster.
“Wait, where are you going!?” Seven ran after Rarity. “I thought you were going to fight me!”
“Nah, I feel bad for you!” Rarity yelled back.
Seven stopped chasing Rarity after a bit and let out a sigh. “Nobody ever fights me…”
Rarity, for her part, barreled through another door, arriving in a kitchen.
“Oi, I am Eight,” an earth pony stallion said. “I wanted to rebel against my family.”
“That’s nice.” Rarity ran over and slammed her staff down, causing a large spike to rise up from the ground and pierce his stomach. With a sense of unusual satisfaction inside of her as some confetti rained down from the air above her, she ran through a nearby door and into another room.
“I’m… I’m Ninil.” The gryphon shook his head. “I mean I’m Nine! Sorry, I’m crazy drunk right now.”
“Excuse him, he’s an idiot,” a timber wolf said. “I, however, am not. For I’m Ten, and I’m better than that damn werewolf you no doubt killed! Because I get to guard the room to the Council of the Ten!”
Rarity swung her staff, sending Nine and Ten flying through another door, and into a large open arena. Ahead of her, she could see them: The Council of the Ten. Stories of their nefarious deeds were known all across not just Equestria, but Equus itself. They’d tried many times to overthrow Celestia and Luna. Never did they succeed; always did they vanish as quickly as they’d arrived.
“Hello, Council!” Rarity slammed her staff down, causing two spikes to erupt from beneath Nine and Ten. “I’ve got a proposition for you: give me the spool and maybe I won’t kill either of you.”
“Fat chance!” Eleven ran through a gate. “I will defend this place until my dying bre-”
Rarity ran over and beat Eleven to a pulp.
“No! Eleven! I shall avenge you!” Twelve ran over to Rarity, only to be thrown back and impaled by her staff.
“Twelve!” Thirteen ran out leaped down from a balcony and charged at Rarity, only to see a wave of green energy fly towards her. Then everything went black.
From Rarity’s perspective, she watched as Thirteen was ripped in half by the energy of a thousand elders.
Fourteen and Fifteen were next. They appeared behind Rarity and grabbed hold of her. Kick and scream as she may; neither ninja loosened their grip.
“One Hundred!” Fifteen said. “We bring you the one who has killed many of your followers today!”
“Mhm…” One Hundred looked down from his platinum throne. “I see that she has also vanished because she is a unicorn and you two are morons.”
Fourteen and Fifteen looked down.
Then a wave of purple energy set them ablaze.
“Huh, I didn’t realize that I knew that,” Rarity said in surprise. “Awesome!”
Sixteen, Seventeen, and Eighteen ran out next; barreling towards Rarity with little regard for anything.
Such as the barrier of green energy that Rarity set up as they ran towards her. A wicked smile formed on her face as the three ninjas were ripped apart as they touched it.
“Enough!” One Hundred yelled. “I have had enough of your petty games!” Standing up, One Hundred held his hooves out. “All remaining able bodied ninjas: attack Rarity like your life depends on it!”
“But their lives do depend on it!” Rarity replied.
“Shut up, horse!” One Hundred replied. “I write my own speeches, not you!”
Rarity rolled her eyes and held her staff up in front of her. “Spirits of those who came before me, assist me in this time of dire need!” She spun her weapon in front of her, causing it to glow a vibrant blue. “Grant me your strength to defeat these foes!” She slammed the staff down onto the ground, causing the earth to shoot upward; throwing the Nineteen through Eighty-Nine in every which direction.
Each member of The Council of the Ten looked in shock and awe. A few eventually found it within themselves to talk to each other, while other gawked at Rarity, motionless.
“Who… who are you?” One Hundred asked, a mix of fear and admiration in his voice.
Rarity grinned. “I am Rarity, Apprentice to the Elders of Crystal Mountain and Slayer of the Beasts of Winter.” A few audible gasps came from the Council. “And I will have Lazarus’ spool, no matter what it takes to get it.”
“If that's what you wish.” One Hundred looked at Ninety. “You! Go!”
Ninety leaped down and rolled over to Rarity, only to be beaten to death before he could make a single move.
“Okay…” One Hundred looked at Ninety-One and Ninety-Two. “You two are up!”
Rarity watched as two reptilian beings, clad in black cloth, and both wielding large maces, somersaulted down to the ground.
“We are his worthiest pupils!” Ninety-One said.
“And we will not fail him!” Ninety-Two continued.
Rarity smirked and swung her stuff, sending out a wave of red energy, which sliced through the two ninjas with terrifying ease. “You were saying?”
One Hundred rubbed his eyes. “Ninety-Three!”
Ninety-Three hopped off her seat and pulled a dagger out from her sheath. “I will not fail The Master!” She looked at One Hundred, who glared sharper daggers than her own. With a giggle, she lunged at Rarity, slamming into her, and knocking her staff out of her magical grasp.
“Say your prayers, monk!”
“Alright.” Rarity smiled. “Oh, great masters of the frozen mountains, save me from those who wish to do me harm.”
Rarity’s staff rose up from the ground and impaled Ninety-Three.
Then Ninety-Four.
And Ninety-Five.
“Hey!” One Hundred watched in anger as Ninety-Six and Ninety-Seven fell to the staff. “Have you no honor!?”
Rarity laughed as Ninety-Eight and Ninety-Nine were eliminated. “You’re not one to talk about honor.” She levitated her staff back before it could impale One Hundred. “I only fought your students as you fought those who came before me.”
One Hundred seethed with rage and jumped down to the floor.
Rarity laughed. “Try me, foolish ninja!”
One Hundred let out a roar and ran towards Rarity…
Only to be felled in one quick motion.
“Wait!” One Hundred said from on the ground. “You mustn't do this!”
“And why shouldn’t I?” Rarity asked as she looked down at him.
“There is one stronger than even I,” One Hundred said. “He… he does not speak for he is eternally meditating. His power is unmatched by even-”
Rarity slammed her staff down into One Hundred's head. “If I wasn't so generous, I'd have done that much earlier.” She removed her staff and galloped over to the sealed doorway. Before she could open it though, it swung open.
“One Hundred and One.” Rarity took a few steps back. It was tall, slender, had four arms.
And was a mime.
Confusion filled Rarity. Mimes usually stuck to the major cities around Equestria. Some were accustomed to being entertainers for criminal syndicates, but never had she seen one who became a ninja. The oddest she'd seen was one who joined up with the armies of Tartarus to get back at his grandmother for pawning off his sword collection.
The four arms aspect was weird too.
Before One Hundred and One could so much as make a silent move, Rarity swung her staff, slamming it over his head.
Then he dropped dead.
“Huh.” Rarity poked the lifeless body of One Hundred and One. “That was much easier than I thought it'd be.” She stepped over the mime-ninja’s body and into the dark, forbidding room. Taking out her torch, she lit it up. Immediately, her eyes lit up with joy.
There it was. Atop its gold pedestal: the legendary spool of Lazarus.
Gleefully, Rarity galloped up to it, doing a happy dance as she arrived in front of it. Her horn lit up and a magical aura enveloped the spool…
Only for it to not budge a single inch.
“What!?” Rarity grit her teeth and stared angrily at the spool. “C’mon you accursed thing!”
Frustration coursed through Rarity as she pulled, yanked, heaved, and even fired off a few spells at the spool. However, in spite of her best efforts, Lazarus’ shiny spool remained in place; taunting her with its shininess. “You stupid thing!” She stormed up to the spool and grabbed it with her hooves. “Come… on… you dang-”
“I cannot use that item.” A voice filled the air sounding remarkably like Rarity.
Rarity looked around for a moment before she rested a hoof on the spool and once again tugged at it.
“That item is not usable by my class.”
“I told you Rarity!” Rainbow Dash said in self satisfaction. “Monks cannot use the legendary spool of Lazarus to make the Robe of Lazarus the Brilliant!”
Rarity stared in disbelief at her computer screen. “B-But I… I defeated them all!” She hovered over the item. “And it's an item for a cloth piece! I can use that type of gear.”
“And Lazarus’ spool is only usable by wizards, warlocks, and priests,” Rainbow said, pointing a hoof at the red text below the flavor text for the item. “I tried to tell you, like, a thousand times that Monks don't use cloth armor. If you wanted your craftable legendary piece, you had to go Devil's Mountain and slay the Warrior Devil, Daljerm.”
“But my life's work is based around spools and threads!”
“Then go level one of those classes and rerun the dungeon,” Rainbow responded. “It’s not like it’s that high a level one anyways. You were, like, seventy levels above it!”
Rarity’s eyes lit up. “Great idea, darling!” she said. “Can you help me learn how to play a wizard though?”
Rainbow sighed. “Sure…”