A foggy morning
"Thank you again for doing this Twilight. I know it's a big responsibility, but you are ready for it." An affectionate nuzzle brought her muzzle close to Twilight's ear. "You'll be staying in my quarters—the bed is more comfortable, and it won't disrupt the staff routine as much," Celestia whispered. She nuzzled her faithful former-student once more, before stepping onto the chariot next to Luna.
"No problem, Princess Celestia. I know how much you've been looking forward to this vacation, and I won't let you down." Twilight's voice was determined and upbeat. Don't freak out... don't freak out!
"And if you have any trouble with my Children of the Night, do remind them I left you with the key to the fruit pantry." Luna smirked mischievously from her perch at the reins. Celestia raised an eyebrow at her. "What? I liked your method for keeping them under control, so I adopted it."
"Right. And no pineapple for Lieutenant Sabre until she finishes the papayas she ruined in that prank?"
"Nor strawberries. And if she sneaks any on the sly, the entire castle is blanketed in a spell that will give her horrible gas if she eats one. You'll know."
"Got it. You two have fun. Nopony should have to go a thousand years without a vacation." Twilight smiled and waved goodbye as the guard pegasi in the traces took off and the chariot lifted away. I'm not going to freak out!
"Goodbye, Twilight." The princesses waved back, and Luna gave a parting wink as Celestia turned to look ahead.
"You okay, Twilight?" Spike's quill scratched over the parchment as he wrote down the next To-Do list Twilight had asked for.
"Of course I'm okay, Spike, why wouldn't I be okay? I can handle being put in charge of the entire nation of Equestria, with the full authority of all the princesses vested solely in me. By myself. All alone. Just me. Yes. This is going to go fine!" Twilight was not at all frazzled. I'm not!
"Princess Celestia hasn't seen you much the last few years, but I can see when you get that tiny twitch by your right eye. And three hairs from your mane are standing out like lightning bolts." Spike was completely unfooled. "There's more to being your Number One Assistant than just taking written notes, after all."
"And what if—"
"And you have me and Raven to help out here. You're not alone."
"But what about—"
"And even if Mayor Mare somehow can't handle something in Ponyville, all of the girls are ready to lend a hoof."
"So—"
"So relax. We got this!" Spike flashed a thumbs up and a toothy grin. "It's a week. How bad could it be?"
"Highness! We need your approval on this budget for redecorating the palace for your reign." The clerk slid an open folder onto Celestia's—Twilight's—desk.
"You want to spend how much on tapestries and paint? Side Bargain, I'm only in in charge temporarily! Princess Celestia would never approve of wasting so many bits on a decor change!" Twilight's gaze lost focus momentarily. So many zeros...! And I'm glad Rarity didn't hear me say that.
"But we can't not change it." Side Bargain shook his head in certainty. "The law states that the Court shall be redecorated when the Princesses hand over power to reflect the orderly change from one to another. Leaving Princess Celestia's colors up would be an offense to Princess Luna. Switching to Princess Luna's colors and having them up during the day may amuse Princess Celestia, given her love for her sister, but the nobility would think Nightmare Moon had returned and kidnapped the princesses."
"What about—"
"And not using any decoration would make it seem like the palace treasury was out of money; the resulting panic and damage to the stock market would be horrendous." Side Bargain tapped a hoof on the folder. "This is a necessary expenditure, and I've already lined up a vendor who can provide the needed material immediately. Unfortunately, speed costs bits." He rubbed his fore-hooves together with an eager expression.
"But—"
"Twilight!" The door burst open, revealing a frantic Spike. "The griffon ambassador is here, and he's not on the schedule!"
"...and if I don't have some progress towards a settlement to these long-standing trade disputes by tomorrow, I will have no choice but to recommend to the Queen that we withdraw our traders from Equestria and prepare to take what's ours by right of force, if necessary." Ambassador Windbeak clacked a claw down on the table in emphasis.
"But that's—you'd go to war over whether or not we would subsidize Griffonstone's trade in scones and fish?" The disbelief in Twilight's voice was unmistakable.
"Griffons are a proud people, Princess, and for too long, our nation's economy has been in a shambles because of ponies undercutting our prices and driving good griffon merchants out of business."
"The griffon economy has been in a shambles because griffons were too concerned with selfishly gouging each other for bits to build a working society since they lost the Idol of Boreas!" Twilight's eyes widened as she realized what she'd blurted without thinking.
"Well! I never. I can see you are in no mood to be reasonable." Windbeak surged to his feet and swept his papers up with a haughty swipe of his wing. "I'll await your affirmative answer tomorrow, once you've had a chance to see the obvious merit in our position." He stalked out of the study and kicked the door closed with a slam.
Spike stuck his head in past the rebounding door. "Twilight, is everything alright?"
Twilight clutched her notebook to her chest. "I just don't know what went wrong!"
"Good evening, Princess Twilight." The blonde stallion's tone dripped with aristocratic pride. "I regret not being able to come see you sooner."
"How—er, nice?—to see you, too, Prince Blueblood." Twilight eyed the small group of nobleponies standing before her in the study she'd borrowed from Celestia. "I wasn't aware we had scheduled a meeti—"
"Of course not, Princess Twilight. Auntie knows how busy and important I am. Of course she wouldn't want you to waste my time with a meeting! She's very helpful that way." Blueblood gave an oily smile. "But I know you are new at this, and it would be absolutely boorish of me to deny you my expertise and advice, so I came to assure you I will be most happy to put my important and sensitive business matters on hold in order to assist you in properly administering to the rule of Equestria."
"Oh. How very... kind of you?" Twilight glanced at the ponies standing behind Blueblood. I can't believe he said that with a straight face. "And your... friends?"
"Ah. Allow me to introduce Duke Pork Barrel and Count Clean Coins. They have come to me with a most interesting proposal for a reform to the tax code. You needn't bore yourself with the details, as I've already determined the idea has great potential to benefit ponies of import to Equestria, and all it needs is a hoofstamp from a second royal to become official." Blueblood gestured to the golden unicorn beside him, who produced a sheaf of parchment covered in tiny hornwriting and several beribboned seals.
"Your Highness." Clean Coins' voice was clipped as he slid the document onto the desk in front of a dangerously twitching Twilight.
"Truly masterful work, if I do say so myself," offered Pork Barrel, scrubbing a hoof boredly through his yellow mane.
Twilight tried to stay diplomatic. "It looks like there's quite a bit here. It will take a bit of time—"
"It's all very technical and complicated, but we are experts in this subject," injected Clean Coins. "I assure you, you won't be able to improve on this final version."
"I'll need to read it first. I'll get to it tomorrow. Spike is already waiting dinner on me." And I'll probably burn it when I do. "I'll have an answer—"
"Oh, that won't be necessary, Twilight," Blueblood interrupted. "This is exactly why Auntie has me do all the talking with the important ponies of Equestria. All you need to—"
"Get out." The three stallions quailed before the white glow in Twilight's eyes and backed hurriedly out of the room. And why does everypony insist on interrupting me, today?
Twilight blearily dragged herself from bed as the sun rose the next morning, grateful the princesses had kept that particular duty to themselves.
"Wakey, wakey, Princess! I have your morning agenda!" The voice of Raven could be heard gaily floating in from the anteroom.
"I'm up, Raven. Where's Spike?" Twilight stretched, hearing her wings pop. How does she have so much energy, right now?
"I saw him running past with one of the kitchen staff as I was coming up the stairs. Maybe he's getting your breakfast?"
Twilight smiled through a tired yawn. "That's my Spike. After yesterday, he probably guessed I would want extra coffee this morning."
"Here's your agenda. I took the liberty of rescheduling your morning appointments for the afternoon, as I thought you might like a little more time to get into things today."
"Thank you, Raven. I see why Princess Celestia always keeps you close at hoof." Twilight smiled at the aide as she accepted the list. "Tell Spike I'll be in the study when he gets back with breakfast."
"Of course, Princess." Raven bowed and withdrew as Twilight headed for the other doorway out of the main room.
"Where is Spike?" Twilight rested her face against the desk, enjoying the feel of the cool, polished wood against her muzzle.
kr-BOOM!
"What the—!" Twilight jumped as the sound echoed in the study. An acrid smell of smoke touched her nostrils. Did Stella get into the pineapple already?
"Cough! Oh, I hate that part. Cough. Sunny, I have arrived!" The voice from within the smoke cloud was deep. Unusually so, and the words were clipped oddly, as if the mouth speaking them was the wrong shape.
"Who's there? What are you?" Twilight gaped in shock as the smoke began to thin, and an absolutely gigantic figure became visible.
"I recognize you, Twilight Sparkle. I'm a—" the creature began, before Twilight recognized the shape.
"You're a human! But you're huge! You're so much bigger than the ones I met on the other side of the mirror portal! Why are you so big? Wait—are you invading? Is this how humans declare war?!" Twilight's ears drew back in shock. "I can't surrender Equestria to you. The princesses would never forgive me!"
"I'm the size I always am. It's the normal size for humans. I'm not invad—wait, mirror portal? You mean there's a way to travel between worlds without being yanked through a silly straw in a puff of smoke by this blasted book?" The human sat down suddenly, as if no longer able to maintain balance. "How—"
"—Book?!" Twilight pounced eagerly as a fair-sized tome dropped from nerveless fingers that managed to make it look small. "How does it work?"
The human smirked. "Of course that's what you focus on... It started out as a—well, never mind what it was for. Starswirl made it, and Celestia changed it so it would light up whenever a particularly stressed out pony was sitting at her desk. When that happens, I open it, and poof! Here I am: the Archduke of Snuggles."
"...What?" Twilight let the book drop as she stared at the human in confusion. "The Archduke of Snuggles died three years ago. Without an heir. The Crown owns the Archduchy, now... there is no Archduke of Snuggles!"
"Well, I may not have the Archduchy, but Sunny gave me the title." The human's grin grew. "She felt it was appropriate, given my expertise and... service to the Crown."
"Sunny?" Twilight feared she knew the answer, even as she asked.
"Sunny! Celestia! Who else?"
"You call Princess Celestia, Diarch of the Sun, Alicorn of the Day, Immortal Protector of Equestria by a nickname?" Twilight walked back around the desk, took a seat, and planted her face back against the cool surface.
The book lit up and started buzzing against the floor.
"Yes. Though, the one time I tried to use Sunbutt, she banished me to the moon for ten seconds. Don't use that one." A haunted look passed across the human's face. "There was something there..." He shuddered and trailed off.
"And what do you do that she gave you the title to the single most coveted Archduchy in all of Equestria?"
The human gave her a blank look as he shoved the still-buzzing book towards the balcony doorway. "Really? You have to ask?"
"I want to hear you say it out loud. I can't believe it, otherwise." Twilight was still speaking to the desktop.
"I am the royal snuggle buddy."
Twilight raised her head, looked at him, then let it drop with a soft thud. "I could use one of those about now..." she mumbled.
"I'm sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear it."
Twilight remained silent, face against the desk.
"I think somepony needs a snuggle. Badly. I could even say this is a snuggle-emergency." He snapped his fingers. "And that gives me the right to call on the treasury to fund an extended snuggle-stay."
Twilight looked up at him. Nodded once. Face back to the desk.
"Snuggle-emergency, it is!" The giant leaned over the desk and swept Twilight up one-handed, and deposited them both on the couch.
"Princess!" Raven's voice floated in from the entry to her chambers. "Spike just sent a message... there's a problem in the kitchens."
"Not now, Raven. I'm declaring a snuggle-emergency!" boomed the human.
"Oh, my! Archduke Snuggles? I didn't realize you'd be in this week!" Raven popped her head in the door. "Is it really that serious?"
"Yes." Two voices responded as one.
"I will go deal with the kitchens myself, then, Princess." Raven gave a kindly smile. "I'll tell the guards nopony but me or Spike is to enter."
Twilight closed her eyes and nodded against the Archduke's massive barrel. He's so warm—this is exactly what I needed. Did the Princess know, when she told me to use her quarters...?
"Alright, little magic horse. Tell the Archduke what has you so stressed out?"
"Sorry breakfast is so late, Twilight. The cooks were fighting over—whoa! Big human!" Spike barely avoided dropping the tray he was carrying.
"I always thought it would be nice to meet ponies who already know what I am. But you still get shocked and surprised."
"He's okay, Spike. Princess Celestia trusts him with a teleport key into her office, and Raven recognized him. Archduke Snuggles, my Number One Assistant, Spike." And he's warm...
"Um, hi. Twilight?" Realizing there was a talking purple lump curled up on the massive human's chest, Spike approached and held out the tray. "You must be why Raven had me bring the extra-extra coffee pot."
The Archduke reached out and lifted the spare coffee pot, which indeed, seemed perfectly mug-sized for him. "I've been here often enough over the last ten years for Raven to know exactly what to send me."
"So... what exactly are you doing?" Spike addressed the purple lump, but was answered by the lump's mattress.
"I am the Archduke of Snuggles—the royal snuggle buddy! And I have declared a snuggle-emergency. I will be here all week, performing my duty for the good of Equestria." The human struck a noble pose, using one platter-sized hand to keep Twilight snugged and secure.
"Is... is there room up there for a dragon?"
"Humans have two arms for a reason, Spike."
"Whoa—it's not quite like a lava bath or a boiling hot spring, but you humans are warm!"