...Wat?
Work, as usual, was just another day of endless paperwork and meetings. Then again, when I got my job in an insurance agency, I should've at least seen that coming. Today was worse than most days because one of my co-workers had called in sick, and my boss had me take a portion of his work to do.
I was already busy, so that wasn't that fun.
Anyway, now i'm pulling into my driveway after an eight hour day of mostly paperwork. My hands are killing me, and my brain is not far behind. I'm looking forward to doing absolutely nothing.
I put my car in park, turn off the engine, and exit.
And right off the bat, I notice that something was not right.
I could see my screen door was wide open. My front door was closed, but the screen... I swear I closed it all the way when I left this morning. Maybe I didn't, I don't know. I could've easy just not pushed it all the way closed and the wind blew it open. It was rather windy today, so that seems like a valid reason.
I approach my front door and dig in my pocket to take out my key to unlock it. I hit the door by accident when fishing for the key, and the door slowly swung opened.
Okay, I KNOW I closed the front door all the way. I heard the click when I did. I also locked and tested the door to make sure it was closed like I always do, how the heck is it open? I don't have any family nearby, and they would call me if they were coming over for some reason.
My mind instantly went to the thought of someone had broken into my house when I was gone, and I started to panic. I took my phone out to use as a weapon and slowly entered my house. I know that a phone isn't really a good weapon, but it can still hurt if you hit someone with it, and it's the best thing I have on me. I would call the cops, but I want to make sure it's an intruder before I do so. It's probably not the smartest decision, but whatever.
I slowly creep around the downstairs, and before long, I hear something coming from my kitchen.
Sounds like eating...
I peak my head around the corner.
And my brain freaking explodes.
This is going to sounds crazy, but there's a REALLY COLORFUL PONY IN MY REFRIGERATOR, WTF!
I drop my phone from the amount of awe i'm in, and the sound of it hitting the floor causes the pony's ear to flick. The pony then raises it's head to look at me.
Glad I didn't call the cops...
We stare at each other for what feels like a year (It was probably only like a few seconds in reality) before the pony smiles at me.
Yes, it freaking smiled.
"Hi there! I was wondering when you were going to come home!"
"...w...wu....wut...?
It's talking... am I dead?
"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."
I recover what's left of my brain cells to make a response.
"H-how did you... what are you...?"
Or at least, I attempted one.
"I was passing by and this looked like a pretty good spot to hang out. I was a little hungry, so I helped myself, hope you don't mind." The thing then walked by me in the direction of my living room.
Okay, enough. Stop letting your brain die on you and get some answers.
"Can you please tell me why you decided to break into my house, eat half my kitchen, and act like were friends?" I feel so stupid for talking to this thing.
"I figured you'd like some company." Was it's simply reply.
"... I don't even know you." I deadpanned.
"Oh! I can change that! My name is Flux Vortex, and i'm 29 years old! What about you?"
...Maybe if I play along it will leave...
"My name is Noah, and i'm 27 years old. Can you leave now?"
"Leave? Why do you want me to leave?"
"Look, i've had a long day at work, and I just want to chill. Alone."
"Oh. I can go upstairs if you want."
Oh my cheese...
"No, you can leave."
"But I don't wanna leave..."
"To bad. You kinda broke into my house. How'd you even get in here? I locked the door."
"The chimney vent was open."
...
"You climbed my house and went down the chimney?"
"Yup."
"... then why was my front door and screen door open?"
"The screen door is what I tried first, and that was open, but the front door wasn't, so I just walked away and left it open. Once I was actually inside I unlocked the front door for you."
"Then why was it literally open?"
"Oh... I guess I didn't realize I had opened it...."
...How do you not realize you opened a door?
"Still, besides that, you really need to leave."
"Can I please stay?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF THE ALMIGHTY POTATO, NO YOU CANNOT!"
"Aww...Please?"
"Out."
The pony just stands there.
"Did you hear me? Out!"
The pony doesn't move.
"*Sighs* I'll give you a chocolate bar if you leave."
"Ooo! Okay."
Of course...
I go back into my kitchen and get a bar from my 'secret candy stash' I have for when my little brother is here and head back to the pony.
"If I give you this, you leave. Nothing else."
The pony nods their head in understanding, looking slightly disappointed that they're leaving.
I hand them the bar once they're outside and shut the door. "Have a good trip back to wherever the heck you came from!"
I walk back to my kitchen to see the damage. Half the food in my fringe is gone or half eaten. At least they didn't eat the steak I had in here. I guess that's what I'm having for dinner. First things first though, I need to clean this crap up.
I go to a closet behind my staircase to fetch some cleaning supplies, since the pony dropped some of the food on the floor, but when i'm in front of the door, I hear what sounds like footsteps on my roof.
"OH HECK NO!"
I run as fast as I can to my fireplace and shut the vent over the fire pit.
I hear a groan from the roof shortly after I did so.
Time to check the window locks as well. It couldn't hurt.