After an unfortunate accident, Spoiled Rich wakes up thinking she's her old self before her marriage to Filthy, and boy isn't she different. The whole town is shaken up in the process, and Diamond is about to uncover some long lost family secrets...
After an unfortunate accident, Spoiled Rich wakes up thinking she's her old self before her marriage to Filthy, and boy isn't she different. The whole town is shaken up in the process, and Diamond is about to uncover some long lost family secrets...
Spoiled Rich growled in her lonely, dankly-lit office, as the sounds of intolerable foalish laughter rang out all around her.
Once again, it was state-mandated recess time for all the horrible colts and fillies she was forced to share a school with, and it was safe to say it was not her favourite time of day by any stretch of her febrile imagination.
Yet here she was, the second most important pony in town, (after a certain Princess Of Friendship, she magnanimously accepted rather begrudgingly) being forced to endure the shrieking squeals of joy and playing from outside, and she truly hated it.
The alleged double soundproofing put in by those blabbermouth salespony twins did precisely nothing to stem the unwholesome din, and her long-gone migraine, which had returned with a vengeance since her poor deluded daughter's brainwashing, was throbbing like crazy.
Can't an upperclass mare work in peace, without some outrageous racket permeating my delicate eardrums?! Spoiled thought ruefully, as she applied the final touches to modifying Scootaloo's personal file, having already finished with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle's, it's a disgrace that's what it is. I don't know how Cheerilee puts up with it.
Ah, Cheerilee. That pitiful, unfortunate creature, unable to get a wealthy stallion of her own so she chose to waste her time labouring in the impossible task of teaching those junior hooligans some manners. Poor thing would never know the reassuring stability of a steady marriage, an obedient husband and a limitless chequebook. It was all so tragic for her, Spoiled nearly laughed herself into a stupor just thinking about it.
Anyway, the dastardly deed was almost done. All Spoiled had to do was officially sign each document and slide it into every one of those awful corrupting filly's permanent records, and they'll be lucky to get a job as a toilet scrubber in their future careers. They'll pay dearly for veering my daughter off her destined course, you just see if they don't. Now to add my beautiful signature and we're good to...
BANG!
That was the unmistakable smack of a ball loudly reverberating against Spoiled's wall, and not expecting it as she was, it had the undesired effect of causing her inky quill to dribble across the page just as she was about to complete her masterpiece.
All my hard work, ruined. Spoiled stared aghast at the illegible paper full of not entirely true allegations about Scootaloo's supposed scooter shenanigans, that she'd have to start all over again now. She'd also concocted specially trumped-up charges for the flightless filly's friends, with the apple muncher's accusations being by far the worst. Naturally, considering she was their despicable leader.
Still, that didn't mean that whosoever dared kick that infernal circular plastic toy full of hot air would get away with their blatant misbehaviour, no way. When you mess up or even delay Spoiled Rich's carefully plotted plans, you soon find out you've made the biggest mistake of your miserable life. Or indeed, what's left of it.
The irate head of the school board ascended from her plush swivelling chair and went to stomp brusquely outside. Normally, a lady of her fine standing would've stepped along with all the decorum and grace you'd expect a valued member of the aristocracy would, but as far as careless peasants were concerned, sometimes she just couldn't hold in her rage.
She headed straight to the back exit (where she'd heard the undignified bump originally) and almost broke the door off it's hinges in her haste to discover the culprit. Scanning around the playground carefully and ignoring the immature tag players and uncouth jungle gym users (bought on her coin, no less) she soon homed in on a bunch of happily giggling youngsters in the corner.
I've got you now, Spoiled smirked, ready to unleash the wrath of a thousand suns on these poor unfortunates squandering their spare time by passing a cheap ball around on the dirty ground. Wait until I tell your parents you hindered the essential duties of the most senior pony at your pathetic little elementary. Get ready to feel a world of pai...
But then, Spoiled spotted something so unbelievable, so astonishing, so incredibly far-fetched that her current scheme of sneaking up behind the diminutive thugs and taking them by surprise was instantly jettisoned. Instead, it was all Spoiled could do to rub her eyes, stare in bewilderment, rub her eyes again, just to make sure that yes... this was actually happening.
M-My daughter... my precious, privileged, perfect daughter, i-is playing games with the ruffians. N-Not only that... s-she's covered in mud, l-looking like she's having the time of her life, a-and she's not even wearing her tiara. I-I see those two idiot colts with her, the lisping fool, that transplant from Trottingham that she should have beaten with ease at the election, and... a-and...
She didn't know why she was so shocked, but she was. Those three parasites with the matching striped shields, who'd torn her loving family asunder and ruined her chances at everlasting happiness without a care in the world, now dared to include her daughter in their infantile activities, too. Despite all her stern warnings to the contrary, regardless of all her constant threats to stay away from them, Diamond had apparently ignored every single instruction and had fully assimilated into the collective without a care in the world.
E-Everything I've taught her, e-everything I've ever guided her towards, g-gone for good... Spoiled couldn't help but act like a drama queen, as this was the first she'd seen of her offspring in 'common' surroundings since her 'forced' conversion to the side of all things good and icky. I-I never thought I'd see her partake in such mindless tomfoolery, a-and to derive such pleasure from it...
It just so happened, at that precise moment, Diamond Tiara was weaving through the defence with the ball at her hooves, dribbling straight for the goal with great determination.
She passed one dozy defender...
Then another...
Soon, she was in the clear.
Using all of her until now untapped earth pony strength, she blasted the ball straight to the artfully drawn chalk goal.
The desperately diving Silver Spoon never had a chance. YES!!
Without any hesitation whatsoever afterwards, the jubilant filly went full in for a very mucky hug with her teammates, right in the middle of the wet, soily pitch.
This didn't go unnoticed by Spoiled, who immediately opened her mouth to object most strongly to the indecent spectacle unfurling right in front of her eyes...
...But the profane words of chastisement never came out.
WHACK!!
You see, Diamond Tiara had walloped the ball with so much power when she smashed it at the wall...
It immediately had the effect of ricocheting off the brickwork, and returning at speed almost as hard as when it was hit.
...And guess whose curved nose was right in the path of said bouncy object as it made it's return journey?
Let's face it, you already know the answer.
It wasn't this tragic incident that caused the odd tale that's about to unravel, though. What really sealed it was the hard, unyielding item that struck the back of her head, on her heedless descent to the ground.
Scootaloo's helmet, lying right next to her parked vehicle.
The same one she was about to accuse the pegasus filly of not wearing regularly, to get her into major trouble.
Who says karma doesn't have a sense of humour?
But soon, as a concerned Diamond and her friends gathered all around Spoiled's rapidly fading husk, it wasn't long before Spoiled sensed nothing at all.
"...Nopony is blaming you, dear. We know you didn't mean to hurt your mother."
"...Didn't even see her there. It was like she was spying on us, or something."
"...Wouldn't put it past her. She was probably going to puncture our ball and try to ruin our fun."
"...Scootaloo! This is no time for... oh wait, she's opening her eyes! H-How are you, Mrs Rich?"
Spoiled's first realisation she was back in the waking world came curtesy of a bright light shone directly into her eyes, and the sensation of somepony opening her lids to make sure they weren't bloodshot.
The next noticeable thing regarded the room she found herself inhabiting. It was as white as a Hearth's Warming Eve morning, even down to the comfortable bed she now lie in and the pale uniform worn by the equine thoroughly examining her.
As her vision slowly cleared, she saw other ponies present in the room: A purplish one with smiling flowers on her butt who looked a bit worried, along with a smaller pinkish filly who had the design of an elaborate metallic hat in the same intimate location.
There was also a yellow earth pony, a white unicorn and an orange pegasus around the pink filly's age there, but their special marks couldn't be made out as they were standing away from Spoiled at the foot of the bed. They didn't seem as caring as the other two though, with the winged pony especially looking away with disinterest.
"I said: how are you feeling, Mrs Rich?!" There's that purplish mare going on again. I have no idea who she is or who she's referring too, but she seems nice enough. I suppose I better humour her.
"I'm fine, me dear." Spoiled spoke in a weird accent that nopony had ever heard from her before, sounding a bit like Applejack but if anything, even more yokel. "What 'appened to me anyway, me luv? Did aye knock me bonce on that steel bucket agin? Darn bloody thing. Aye keep telling the mister to keep that bloomin' pail secure on a piece'o string, but 'e never listens to me! 'E'll be the death of me yet, you mark me words!"
Everypony in there gasped in amazement at what they'd just heard, including the nurse who even lowered her surgical mask to do so. Diamond's jaw had hit the floor, the Crusaders were gazing at each other in utter confusion and Miss Cheerilee looked about ready to faint herself. Of all the ponies in all the towns in all of Equestria, the last one they expected to talk in such a fashion was Spoiled. Literally.
Frustrated by what she perceived to be a lack of answers from those gathered around, and despite her overall unsteadiness having just regained consciousness, Spoiled nevertheless managed to stagger to her hooves before heading straight towards the infirmary door.
Apparently, her accent wasn't the only thing that'd changed about her... the formerly poised pony was now trotting with her shoulders slumped, her muzzle close to the ground and moving rather clumsily instead of with her usual elegance. If anything, her new walk reminded one of a certain cranky old wig-wearer instead of the proud wife of a local tycoon.
Their outright disorientation intermingling with the many questions buzzing around in their heads, it was Diamond Tiara who managed to speak first. Her words were little more than a stammered whisper, but under the present circumstances, it was it was probably the best she could do.
"W-Where are you going, m-mother?!"
Spoiled turned around with mild amusement to confront the pink filly, a warm look on her face and a gawkish grin from ear to ear.
"Land's sake, child! Aye ain't your kin, and I'm way too young to be droppin' any babies anytime soon, but if aye may say so, aye would be pleased as punch if you were. Aye have to leave 'cos aye have a shift at Mr McGruber's farm in around half a hour to pump the udders, or he'll have me guts for garters, so he will. Aye did oblige meeting y'all though. If y'all come down when aye not be so busy, I'll get you all a free drink of the white stuff, chock full o'calcium for growing little fillies. Oh hang on jus' a tick, where me manners? You'd think aye was gone an' raised in a barn, or something. Me name is Spoiled Milk. We ain't met before. How y'all doin'?!"
"Tee hee! That kinda tickles! What ya'll tryin' to do to me, luvvies?" Spoiled Rich, now apparently wanting to be referred to by the far less austere title of Spoiled Milk, chuckled happily while being examined by the slightly flustered school nurse. "I tell ya'll, I'm feelin' as healthy as a horse... even tho I be a pony. Geddit?! Dairy Cream taught me that one. Pretty funny, don't ya think?"
Ignoring her patient's somewhat lamentable attempt at humour, Red Cross continued to perform her various duties of care, including check Spoiled's general condition and ask various probing questions. "So, you say your name is 'Spoiled Milk'? That you don't live in Ponyville, but in Fillydelphia with your parents, where you help out at the local farm? And you've never seen any of the ponies in this room before... not even the pink filly with the striped mane wearing the tiara?"
Spoiled afforded the surrounding ponies in the clinic another cursory glance, before turning with certainty back to the inquisitive nurse. "Nope, never seen any one of 'em in me entire days. Tho aye must say, aye kinda likes the cutie mark of little yella over there. Reminds me of some of me best friends, so it does. A heart-shaped apple... so cute! Aye could just eat you up where you stand, dearie!"
As Spoiled affectionately lunged for an understandably rattled Apple Bloom, Red Cross took a quick moment to whisper in the ear of an eagerly listening Cheerilee. "It's worse than I thought, I'm afraid. She really does think she's this other pony: lock, stock and barrel. I don't want to meddle in her case much further, as this is a bit beyond my level of expertise. The best thing I can recommend is that you take her to some familiar locations, which might help jog her memory about who she really is. Failing that, I can always get some specialists down here from Manehattan, or..."
"...Or we can just hit her over the head again!" An eavesdropping Scootaloo remarked seriously, as she watched a trembling Apple Bloom almost get penned into a corner by a very touchy-feely Spoiled. "I never thought I'd meet somepony more terrifying than the old Spoiled, boy was I wrong. Seeing as it was my helmet that made her this way in the first place, I'll volunteer to do it myself. Now, do you have any hammers in here? A mallet might work as well..."
"Scootaloo!" The nurse and the teacher exclaimed in unison, almost blowing away the unsuspecting orange filly in the resulting gale.
"Okay, okay... so maybe 'banging her on the bonce' isn't the right way to go..." Scootaloo had decided she liked that phrase, despite his utter loathing for the mare that had just used it, and decided to add it to her ever-growing vernacular. "But we gotta do something. Poor Apple Bloom is about to get the apple juice squeezed out of her over there, and I didn't even bring any extra glasses!"
"Yeah, and I can only hold her at bay for so much longer." Sweetie Belle grit her teeth, finding out for the hard way that restraining a grown female with magic was a bit trickier than simply levitating a broom around Twilight's old library. "Oh, my aching horn! It wasn't designed with this sort of pressure in mind. Spoiled must really like her posh food."
"Mrs Ric... I mean, 'Milk!' Return to this bed immediately!" As Red Cross went to try and 'persuade' Spoiled to stop d'awwing poor Apple Bloom to a very cuddly early demise, Diamond Tiara could only stare in wonderment at the unfolding chaos all around her.
Who'd have thought just this morning, that her pompous, polished mother would start rabbiting on like a drunken hillbilly later, before making friendly overtures to the daughter of her most hated family?
Except, this wasn't really her mother, right? This was Spoiled Milk who'd stolen her body, some kind of common farm labourer who seemed as far removed from her pretentious, proud mother as seemed possible.
But what part of her mother's sub-conscious had this new identity come from, to be revived in such spectacular fashion after the incident outside?
Diamond was no fool, she knew her mother's maiden name before she and her father formed their somewhat tempestuous union. But the pink filly realised at that moment she knew absolutely nothing about Spoiled's past history, nor had she cared to ask.
C-Could this be... w-who she was... b-before...
"No, of course not!" Diamond dismissed the possibility almost as soon as it entered her head, even allowing herself a little giggle at her own silliness. Obviously this strange new persona taken on by her mother was never part of her... the two disparate personalities were like night and day, rain and shine, chocolate or vanilla ice cream.
It was just a delusion, a sickness in her head caused by the accident that would be cleared up in no time at all. And by Celestia, wasn't Spoiled going to be steaming when she discovered how she'd acted in front of everypony before her recovery. Her face would be a picture, though not one you'd want to hang in any gallery anywhere round the world. Maybe a House of Horrors, if the patrons were made of stern stuff indeed.
Cheerilee certainly seemed to be agitated by the goings-on too, as Red Cross was finally able to guide 'Spoiled Milk' back to the relative safety of the bed and Apple Bloom was at last able to breathe a sigh of relief.
"W-What's Filthy going to say... this happened on my watch, so it's automatically my fault..." the fretting teacher muttered to herself, almost wearing a rut into the floor in the midst of her anxiety. "H-He'll have me fired, that's what he'll do. B-But that's as nothing compared to what she'll do once she's her old self again. E-Even though she has all the money in the world, she'll sue me for everything I've got, just to see me suffer. Oh, what to do, what to do...?"
Cheerilee's non-stop pacing finally grind to a halt when she felt a little hoof on her fetlock, and she looked down to see a worried Diamond staring back at her with genuine concern. "A-Are you alright, Miss? You're talking to yourself a lot, and sweat is starting to pour down your nose."
Cheerilee smiled down with gratitude at the compassionate filly, reflecting on the fact that after Diamond's sudden change of heart recently, Spoiled's odd mood swing was only the second most surprising transformation in the Rich family.
"I'll be fine, dear..." Cheerilee said appreciatively, while ruffling Diamond's mane with her hoof. "If anything, I should be the one comforting you regarding the situation with your mother. So much for me doing my job. Maybe I deserve to be fired after all..."
"No, no! Don't even think that!!" Diamond almost screeched her objection to the downbeat teacher's unexpected plans, as she looking up at her with pleading eyes. "You're the best teacher we ever could possibly have! Who else would've tolerated my awful behaviour for so long, without packing up and leaving town forever? I think everypony in town will agree, that none of this is your fault at all. And I'll be telling my father that exact same thing when he asks me about it later on."
Having now heard most of her exchange with Diamond, the Crusaders were now giving Cheerilee the same begging expression not to blame herself for what happened, and subtly communicating their wish that she remain in her current role through widened, glistening puppy-dog eyes. Faced with such an unprecedented level of manipulation, Cheerilee quickly realised anymore resistance was futile, and subsequently uttered words to that effect.
"Okay, okay... I promise that I won't be going anywhere." Cheerilee declared in abject surrender, while grinning broadly at the wildly celebrating fillies around her. "However, make no mistake, whatever happens next, there is going to be an investigation, there will be quite a lot of awkward questions raised, and we still have the problem with Spoiled to deal with. How is she doing now, Red Cross?"
"Well, apart from the fact I don't have a clue what she's saying, and she won't leave my equipment alone..." The nurse grumbled, as she snatched her stethoscope back from the curious mare. "...She's doing absolutely great. If you excuse that whole thinking-she's-somepony-else, of course."
"Hmm, okay." Cheerilee went back to pondering how to proceed, although with a bit less intensity this time. "The next step then, is probably deciding how where to go from here. Obviously, in her current state, Spoiled can't resume her old position. So she can't return to her office, and we should find somewhere safe to keep her until hometime..."
"I've got it!" Apple Bloom, having seemingly recovered from the devastating trauma of almost being lovingly embraced by her least favourite member of staff, announced she'd had a brainwave. "You said somethin' about hangin' around places she knows could help to 'jog' Mrs Rich's memory, right?"
"...Right?" Red Cross raised an eyebrow, wondering where this was going.
"Well, maybe Mrs Rich's office is the best place for her after all!" Apple Bloom seemed quite excited by her plan, even though there were blank stares from her friends around her. "Seein' as she spends most of her time in there tryin' to get away from us 'vile brats', you'd think if she went back in there and saw all her personal belongings again, it might click some gears in her brain and send everythin' back in motion to the way it was!"
"Apple Bloom, you're a genius!" Cheerilee announced emphatically, completely ignoring in her jubilation the yellow filly's less-than-average test scores. "I think, if what the nurse just said is correct, that just might actually work! Seeing everything she surrounds herself with on a daily basis must have some kind of effect on her psyche, no matter how small. So, what do you think, Red Cross? Shall we give it a go?"
"I don't see the harm in trying." the nurse shrugged her hooves to indicate she was completely neutral to the idea. "But I warn you in advance not to expect miracles. The theory I told you earlier is just that... mere speculation. This kind of malady is so rare, I'd have to research the archives to find out it's actual success rate. But it's worth a shot I suppose, if it actually works, then we'd be saving ourself a lot of time with therapy and treatment bills in the future. Lead the way then, I'll supervise Mrs Rich behind you to make sure she doesn't try and run off again."
So, as Cheerilee stepped forward with resolve to try and solve the most pressing issue that day with the only end consequence hopefully being a nasty bump on Spoiled's head, and Red Cross attempted to calm Spoiled down as she repeatedly insisted that her surname was 'Milk', not 'Rich' and she most definitely was not a 'Mrs', Diamond Tiara turned to the Crusaders to ask them:
"So, are you coming?"
...To which the three fillies looked at each other in surprise, almost as if they'd just been asked to give up helping others discover their destinies.
"Are you kidding?! This is the most exciting thing to happen around here all year!" Scootaloo seemed to speak for all of them, as she and Sweetie Belle raced off into the distance together, with only Apple Bloom stopping briefly to gesture the pink filly onward.
"I... see." Diamond was slightly annoyed at her own mother suddenly being treated like a sideshow attraction, but nevertheless ventured forward, to see the inside of Spoiled's office for the first time and hopefully put an end to this ongoing nonsense once and for all.
"Wow it's kind of creepy in there..." Sweetie Belle stated anxiously, as Cheerilee swung the door open for all of the visiting party.
"Ha! Says the filly who still needs to use a nightlight at the age of ten!" Scootaloo scoffed with derision, conveniently neglecting to mention the fact she did the same thing when spending the night at Dash's place.
"Will you two be quiet, I wanna see what happens next!" Apple Bloom hushed both of her loudmouth friends, as they parted as one so Red Cross could enter with Spoiled, and Cheerilee with Diamond followed closely behind.
"Now, e-er, Miss Milk..." the nurse flustered, trying her utmost to stop her patient from embarking on another of her incoherent tirades. "I want you to look around this room for me. Do you spot anything familiar in here? Is anything coming back to you at all? If it is, please tell me now, because it's very important we know."
"Aye don't see what this has got to do with anythin'..." Spoiled frowned belligerently, as she regarded the fine mahogany shelves and all the expensive ornaments on there with complete indifference. "All this fancy-schmancy stuff isn't me cup'o char at all, an' I'll be sacked from me job at the farm if you keep delayin' me passage. 'Ow am aye supposed to support my parents then?! We'll end up in the poorhouse, so we will! Aye do like this here chair tho... whee! Look at me go!"
It was as Spoiled was spinning around in her seat with all the foalish enthusiasm of a filly being pushed on a swing, that Cheerilee saw them. As she went to look away in disgust, all thoughts of this matter reaching a quick and easy resolution rapidly disappearing, she spotted three open folders on the table bearing a trio of names she knew so well: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
"What the... what's she doing with..." the befuddled teacher went to pick up the paperwork to study it with earnest, a look of initial incredulity quickly turning to anger as she perused each individual file carefully.
"Mrs Rich! What is going on here?!" Diamond and her friends gasped at Miss Cheerilee's totally out-of-character behaviour, as she forcibly stopped Spoiled's revolving chair with a single strong hoof. "Scootaloo having no road safety skills? Sweetie Belle's singing causing all the windows to shatter? Apple Bloom leaving mouldy fruit on my desk every single morning?! You know they didn't do any of these things! Why have you written these false accounts, and even deigned to sign two of them yourself? This isn't the first time I've seen you gaze daggers at them over the schoolyard, either. You treat almost every youngster at this school with contempt, but you seem to reserve a special hatred for these three in particular. I want to know only one thing: why? What personal vendetta possibly could've pushed you so far that you'd be willing to stoop to this level! Come on, tell me this instant! I think we all deserve some answers, if you please."
Just yesterday, this might have been a very interesting conversation. Spoiled Rich, finally caught in the act of outright villainy, stammering and stuttering away as three apoplectic Crusaders and a mad teacher went in for the kill. Bang to rights as she was, she'd probably have no choice to resign in shame regardless of her 'connections', and they could at long last brought somepony accomplished in for the job, with proper qualifications and a drop of empathy for the children and faculty there.
As the encounter actually unfolded though, it was like talking to a totally different mare. Spoiled Milk had absolutely no idea what Cheerilee was on about, and laughed out loud before spinning around in her chair once more, enjoying herself immensely.
"Aye keep tryin' to tell ya'll, but you don't be listenin'..." she said happily, going so fast she barely registered as a blur. "Ya'll got the wrong pony! Aye didn't do any of that stuff, aye don't know who any of ya'll are, and I don't even ever wanna be hitched! Aye be a career girl, that's who aye am. Aye got me eye on Mr McGruber's job, I'll be taking over from him after he goes and retires to the knacker's yard. 'Til then, I'm gonna be working my tail off with the cows, so aye am. Now, just a few more minutes on this 'ere contraption, then it's off to the farm for me. Can one of ya'll be giving me a push, please? I'm startin' to feel as shaken up as a milkshake, tee-hee! Whee..."
"Come on you..." Diamond snarled in frustration, trying to pull her uncooperative mother in a certain direction. "I have to get you home now. Hopefully, Daddy'll know what to do with you, because by Celestia, I certainly don't."
"Huh? Where ya taking me now, Crownie?" Spoiled Milk stared down at her daughter with confusion, planting her feet firmly on the ground and not moving an inch. "Aye mean, now that I'm better an' all, don'tcha think I better be gettin' back to work? Them cows ain't gonna be milkin' themselves after all 'cos they can't be reachin' that far, and McGruber needs all the 'elp 'e can get lately, 'specially with 'is lumbago an' stuff."
"Once more, for like the zillionth time, I haven't got a clue what you're on about." Diamond heaved her chest to push her mother along the old track, succeeding only in terms of millimetres. "What I can tell you though, is that in all likelihood you're going to be suspended from your real job. You know, the one you actually had prior to framing all my friends for things they didn't do? Now I have to take you back to the mansion, because nopony around here can stand the sight of you right now, even more so than before. And for the record, my name is Diamond Tiara, not 'Crownie'."
" 'Crownie' suits you better though, me little filly." Spoiled Milk remarked fondly to her determined charge, suddenly picking her up to give her a tight squeeze." Who gave y'all such a stupid name, anyhoo? An' who went and plonked me in the middle of nowhere, 'cos aye must say, aye don't be recognisin' any o'these here buildings or ponies passing by whatsoever..."
"This is Ponyville, where you live, although you wish with all your heart everyday you could move somewhere more 'upmarket'. You gave me my name yourself, which isn't much of a surprise as the only thing you let Daddy choose is whether to pay by cash or credit. Now, will you put me down, Mother! You know I get nauseous if my tummy is crushed too much..." Diamond gasped, referring to a certain incident at her fifth birthday celebrations when Impossibly Rich decided to hug her granddaughter with rather too much vigour at the dinner table. Sufficed to say, the potato casserole was off permanently from then on.
"Come now little one, don'tcha think this joke be goin' on for jus' a bit too long?" Spoiled grinned at the pink filly's pointless struggles, but nevertheless respected her wishes by depositing her back onto the ground. "Aye mean, it be nice meetin' all your friends 'n all, 'n goin' round and round in that chair was the most fun aye be avin' since the old tyre swing snapped, but when me job could be on the line, maybe it be time to get serious now. What exactly be happenin' here, where aye be taken when aye be out for the count, n' where you be tryin' push me next?"
For the first time, a few cracks of anxiety started peeking through Spoiled Milk's effervescent facade, and Diamond Tiara began to wonder if she'd done the right thing when she'd told Red Cross and Cheerilee she could 'look after her own mother'. After all, the mansion may be just a short walk from the school, but getting her there in the first place seemed like an almost impossible task. Come on Di, think. Use those patented leadership skills you know you possess to bend her to your will. If you could get her to deliver a note to Daddy with a request for thousands of bits for the new playground, surely this should be foal's play. Now, what has she said so far that could help me out...
All at once, Diamond thought she had it. "Y-Yes, that's right... a 'joke'. When you accidentally beaned yourself on that bucket earlier, Dairy Cream and the rest of your friends took you to another place, to try to confuse you when you woke up. But there's no fooling the great Spoiled Milk, is there? They never had you going for a single minute, and now Dairy, McGruber and the rest of the gang are at my mansion, waiting in the dark to jump out at you as soon as we get in. I shouldn't really say anything, but I think I heard the word 'promotion' being bandied about before I left, as part of the big surprise. S-So, shall we go?"
Ugh, that was awful, Di. D- at best. She's never going to fall for that load of old mule droppings. The pink filly internally cursed herself, as her eyes slowly wandered upwards to a suddenly stock-still Spoiled Milk. The older mare seemed to be taking in every word her daughter said, and it was all Diamond could do to avoid breaking out in heavy sweat as she waited for a response...
"Oh Dairy, that silly minx!" Spoiled unexpectedly erupted into uproarious laughter, attracting the attention of a few curious passers-by. "That sounds like jus' the sorta thing she'd do, so it does! Surprised she be goin' to all this effort for a prank n' all, but aye wouldn't put it past 'er. Come on then Crownie, you point us in the right way n' aye be leadin' us there. We'll sort 'er out together, if it be the last thing we do!"
From Spoiled Milk not wanting to budge an inch to almost pulling her own daughter's hoof off in her rapid retreat was a somewhat unpredicted turn from the adult, albeit a welcome one. It was all Diamond could do to give her precious Cutie Mark a satisfied rub 'still got it' before being hoisted off her feet, as her excited mother began making fast progress along their designated route.
Watching them leave together, having agreed in advance to 'see them off' and make sure their departure went smoothly, the Crusaders stared at the formerly stoic mare and their flustered friend ride off into the distance as one, each filly with mixed thoughts regarding what had gone down that very eventful afternoon.
"Well, that was... somethink, alright." Apple Bloom struggled to put her opinions into actual words.
"Yeah, it sure was." Scootaloo seemed to be on the same page as the stupefied farm filly.
"Do you think they... I mean, she'll be alright?" Sweetie Belle, ever the nervous kind, came the closest to expressing a real question.
Upon hearing this, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo spun around to face their unicorn companion, with the quickest and hastiest of reassurances you could possibly imagine.
"D-Diamond will do fine, Sweetie Belle. Everythin' is going to be just great! Who's worryin'?! I'm not worryin'!"
"Y-Yeah, me neither! Come on, let's get back to class! Half of math missed already, woo hoo! Never thought I'd hear myself say these words... but 'thank you Spoiled' !"
As two not-at-all-rattled fillies ran back to join Miss Cheerilee and the rest of their group, the third one stayed behind briefly to look beneath her horn, to offer a very solemn and extremely heartfelt:
"So, where they be? Ooh, aye can't wait! Are me parents here too? Be there a cake? Should aye act surprised?!" These and many more irritating questions poured forth from the flapping gums of Spoiled Milk, as she and her daughter speedily arrived at the front gates of Rich Mansion.
They'd nearly bumped into or knocked over several ponies en route, forcing Diamond to profusely apologise on those occasions before being forced back into a cloud of dust. If there were two things the pink filly had learned about Spoiled Milk during their short time together, one was that she was loud (nothing new there), another was that she was extremely clumsy.
"E-Er, well, you're just going to have to wait and see, aren't you!" Diamond put on her best fake smile, while gently tapping her mother's hoof. "Now, why don't I go in first to make sure everything's prepared, and you just wait here for me to return? Don't you be going anywhere now... we planned all this special for you, after all. W-Well, see you soon!"
Despite her laudable success in getting Spoiled Milk here in the first place, Diamond was a bit flummoxed as to what her next move should be. She could have taken her mother down to the hospital for a proper examination, but she didn't exactly want to act too impulsive without the blessing of her Father.
Besides, being the wealthy stallion that he was, he tended to use his own private physicians instead of public service alternatives, and when Spoiled eventually returned to her old 'charming' self, it was obvious who she'd be more comfortable with loitering around.
Having left behind her somewhat changed mother at the entrance with more than a little hesitation, Diamond opened the door a tad, discovering with relief that most of the hired help had gone home for the afternoon. After all, as rich as he was, Filthy was no idiot. When it was just him in the mansion working alone, there was absolutely no point in paying dozens of servants to just stand around looking haughty with nothing to occupy themselves.
The exception was, as always, loyal old Randolph. There he was in his usual place, sitting at the foot of the stairs, waiting to see if his master needed him for any unforeseen emergencies. Diamond sometimes got the impression that despite his advancing years, the only way he'd ever leave Rich Mansion was in a box. And even then, he'd probably try to resuscitate himself in zombie form to continue his decades of sterling service.
"M-Miss Tiara! W-What are you doing back here, so early from school?" the veteran butler jumped up in alarm at seeing the youngster, before his eyebrows suddenly arched in concern. "You haven't been naughty again, have you? After you were doing so well, too..."
"N-No no, nothing like that." Diamond smiled sheepishly at the concerned butler, who seemed to have taken it upon himself to be a sort-of monitor for the pink filly's future conduct. "I-I just wondered if you could get Daddy for me. It's very important, or I wouldn't be here. It's to do with Mother..."
"Oh, can't it wait just a while longer, Miss?" If Randolph wasn't such a practised professional at hiding his emotions, he would've hoofpalmed there and then. "He was just sitting down with a nice cup of the finest grass extract, ready to finish off his latest big deal with the Appleloosian consortium. If Mistress Spoiled starts asking him for money again, it may just distract him so much that he misses the deadline tomorrow."
"I swear, this has absolutely nothing to do with bits, Randolph. Now, if you would be so kind, I'd like you to go and tell my Father I would like an urgent word with him. This minute, if you please." Diamond wasn't used to being quite so officious with her butler, but this really couldn't wait any longer. Who knows what trouble Spoiled Milk could get into during her enforced absence, and she'd been in enough trouble over her life to start taking responsibility for other pony's messes too.
With nothing more than a stiff bow, and a curt "Very good, miss," Randolph eventually relented to the pink filly's request, and it wasn't too long before a bedraggled Filthy appeared from the balcony upstairs. He had bags the size of suitcases under his eyes, a slight stagger in his walk and a familiar oh-no-not-again look in his expression. In other words, he seemed a little worse for wear.
"Darling, you know better than to disturb Daddy when he's on the verge of clinching one of the biggest distribution agreements in Barnyard Bargain's history." Filthy yawned, having burned the midnight oil and then some in his attempt to make sure everything was in place for the crucial meeting later. "...Especially over a matter as silly as your mother needing a new pair of cashmere galoshes, or something. You know what? I'm in no mood to argue. Just tell me how much she wants, and then I'll..."
Diamond was about to tell an adult in the mansion for a second time that (shockingly enough) the situation with her mother was nothing to do with money, until a raucous shrieking noise could be heard coming from the living room. It kind of sounded like somepony torturing a seal, but seeing as the frozen north was hundreds of miles away, there had to be another explanation... and none of them could be good.
Pausing briefly to glance at each other with concern, Diamond and Randolph scrambled to see who could get into the lounge first, while Filthy temporarily cast off his exhaustion to stampede down the stairs.
What awaited them in there was Spoiled Milk, who'd been quite unable to hold in her anticipation of the fictional party she'd been promised. Waiting until the coast was clear and Diamond's back was fully turned, she'd tip-hoofed into the biggest downstairs room to bathe in the affection of her Fillydelphian family and friends...
...Only to find nothing and nopony in there, except for a whole load of overpriced junk like the useless tat back at her office, and a large wall mirror that she'd happened to gaze into...
...And now, for the second time today, Spoiled was in an unconscious heap on the floor, leaving Diamond behind alone to explain things to a somewhat nonplussed Filthy and Randolph.
Great, even when she's somepony else, mother is still giving me problems. Oh well, here goes nothing.
Now where on Equestria could all of my friends and family be hiding? I swear, this mansion has more chambers than a deluxe henhouse. I'd get lost just living here, give me something small and cosy any day over this kind of oversized museum.
Still, each to their own. If Crownie wants to wake up in pointlessly huge ornate surroundings every day for the rest of her privileged life, so be it. Personally, I can't help but think how many homeless ponies I know that'd appreciate just one of these gigantic rooms, but that's just my humble opinion.
Just look at all these tacky trinkets, as well. A feather duster made out of griffon plumage, an ivory backscratcher... a hollowed-out dragon egg?! Who even needs all this stuff? Give me some used milk bottles and a ball to play skittles with, or just an old jug to blow a nice tune into. That'll keep me happy, anything else is just shameless extravagance.
But hello, what do we have here? There's a picture of the filly I came with on the mantelpiece, but she looks very different. Sort of meaner, and much angrier. Must've been bad lighting when that was taken. Oh well, at least she avoided the dreaded 'red eye' effect.
Wh-who's this?! There's another photo nearby, of a proud brown stallion with a flowing black mane. He sort of reminds me of somepony else I know... but, nah! The one I'm thinking of is much younger, and he would have never worn such a stupid tie.
Besides, I have no idea who that fancy mare is with him. Just look at all that make-up she's got on, and there must be every hair product ever made in her starchy mane! And because I was raised right, I won't even comment on her nose. What a poor, unfortunate...
...W-W-Wait a second. T-T-That cutie mark, it's almost e-e-exactly... a-a-and those eyes... a-a-and a scar in the same place on her neck, f-f-from that time I fell off the m-m-milking s-s-stool...
I-I-t can't be real. I-I-It isn't. All I have to do is take a peek in that giant mirror up there, and we'll soon see the t-t-trut...
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!
........................................................................ Back to the present
"...So you see Daddy and er, Randolph, that's exactly what happened. I knew my first soccer match ever was going to be a cherished memory when I scored the opening goal, but I didn't know it'd cause Mother to lose her own memory at the same time! She keeps saying she's this 'Spoiled Milk' character, who talks really funny and seems to have worked on some kind of dairy farm. I have no idea where this weird delusion came from, but for it to be triggered after she hit her head, it must've originated from somewhere inside her. Daddy, do you have any idea where this new personality could've appeared, and what we can do to fix Mother?"
Diamond had been speaking for some time and length regarding the bizarre chain of events that afternoon, and was now starting to get a little croaky. After taking a swig from a nearby tumbler of water, she cast a side glance at her still comatose mum twitching slightly in the midst of her slumber, before turning expectantly to Randolph and Filthy.
With one old stallion having spent so many years accruing knowledge in service, and the other a smart business pony with numerous diplomas, surely one of them could devise a plan to deal with this unusual problem. Diamond waited with excitement for the solution to present itself, an broadly optimistic smile on her face. The sooner things returned to glorious, underrated normality, the happier she'd be.
Instead of instant gratification, what the pink filly got instead was something a little more chilling. For the first time ever, she actually saw the terminally deadpan Randolph gasp in shock, before the aged servant spun around at breakneck speed to gaze apprehensively at his master.
In direct contrast to his suddenly nervous butler, Filthy Rich's visage was a model of serenity as he slowly ascended from his favourite armchair, which he'd been brooding in ever since Diamond began the grand retelling of her action-packed schoolday. Navigating his way over to the crackling fireplace, he silently picked up the framed image of him and his wife on their recent tenth anniversary standing just above it...
...The very same one which'd just caused her to take yet another dirt nap on the floor (before being moved to the nearby sofa, naturally).
"I never told you about how me and your mother met, did I?" The wistful stallion said with a long sigh, while tracing the contours of Spoiled's face in the picture. "It was a very unusual set of circumstances, to put it bluntly. Maybe, you could even call it destiny. I suppose we were waiting until you got a bit older, before we gave you the whole tale. Perhaps it might've made a nice speech on your wedding day, or something. We all could've had a good laugh about it, and then moved on with our lives. Yes, that would've been perfect..."
"Daddy! What has this got to do with Mother getting hurt and thinking that she's somepony else?!" Diamond was beginning to get a little agitated at from her perspective, Filthy's irrelevant chatter, and attempted once more to receive a straight answer from the stallion. "I'm sure I'd love to hear the history of you and mum becoming a couple. Heck, you can even bring out the old photo album, and we can make an evening of it if you like! But right now, don't you think it's a little more important to restore her to who she was, and call in some doctors who can get rid of this strange new identity of hers once and for..."
"It's not a 'new identity'!!" Filthy suddenly put down the photograph and threw his nearby glass of cider into the fire, which had the dual effect of causing the flames to rise momentarily and making Diamond sit back down again pretty sharpish. "The way you just described how she was after the accident earlier, it sounds exactly the way Spoiled Milk was when I first met her all that time ago. Those were very different days, for me and her. Both of us made plenty of mistakes back then, and what I've just heard from you has bought back lots of old memories for me: Some good, some bad. This is a lot to take in all at once."
"W-Wait just a darn minute." Hanging around Apple Bloom a lot had obviously rubbed off a bit on a dumbfounded Diamond, but she wasn't bothered about that right now. "D-Do you mean to tell me, that the innocent, childish rube I've been hanging out with since second recess, is how my mother used to be?! W-What, h-how, w-why..."
"I can understand your confusion, darling." Filthy had apparently calmed down a little now from his previous state of tension, although he still had an uneasy frown on his forehead. "The difference between your mother now and back in the day is more than startling, it's like two different sides of the same coin. I can't really explain it all at this specific moment, but let's just say things sort of happened, which caused quite a shift in her temperament. I also fear her attitude may have negatively impacted you too, at some stage. If only I could've done more to stop the cycle from spreading."
"W-Well yes, maybe that's true, and we can discuss it at the next family meeting." Diamond's overflowing brain was occupied enough, without having to dredge up the past on how her own behaviour could've been influenced by Spoiled Rich's misdoings. "B-But right now, as interesting as this all is, can't you see that mother has a bad head wound, and needs help immediately? Can't you call somepony, who can take a good look at her and give a proper diagnosis? While they're down here, I might have a word with them too. I know I'm starting to feel a bit woozy, with all of this new information I'm hearing today."
For the first time since finding out about his wife's injury, Filthy showed off the faintest of smiles. "Of course, darling. As I've already mentioned, I have a big meeting tomorrow with the head honchos of Appleloosa, but as of now this takes top priority. Randolph, if you could, please carry a message to Mrs Band Aid two doors down that we need to see her husband pronto, and tell him to bring his full kit. One of the benefits of living in an affluent neighbourhood is that all the best trained medical people live nearby, you see. Don't worry sweetheart, we'll soon get this sorted. You have my word..."
It was just as Diamond began feeling a little more hopeful about the current situation after her father's firm reassurances, even to the extent that she was considering taking a shower to cool herself down and wipe off some of that excess dirt left over from sport practice, that it happened.
Out of nowhere, Spoiled Milk sprung up like a daisy on the settee, took one look at the cast of strangers in the room, shifted her gaze back to her hated reflection in the centre mirror...
...Before once again doing her best impression of a petrified banshee, while covering up her pointed muzzle and rushing straight out of the front door at a speed the Wonderbolts might decide was excessive, before anypony else could stop her...
...Tearing her prohibitively expensive blue dress off along the way. Ripping it into two perfect halves, as it happens.
There then followed a brief few seconds of utter bewilderment, before Diamond and Filthy regained enough presence of mind to chase after her.
This was bad news for poor old Randolph, who having already been barged over by the streaking lady of the house as she left the property, found himself prostrate on the floor once more as his master and the young ward quickly followed in giving him an unscheduled crushing tumble.
Filthy's distant cry of: "Don't follow us, we'll be back as soon as we can!" was a little unnecessary. Maybe, when Randolph was still a spry wee thing, entertaining circus-goers with unbelievable feats of acrobatics in the big top, he might've been able to keep pace with the suddenly nimble Rich clan.
Fifty or sixty years ago, but not now. And it was as the butler straightened his aching back, and winced in pain as his dodgy hip popped into place, that for the very first time he began to ponder the benefits of late retirement.
Both Diamond Tiara and Filthy Rich galloped side-by-side through town, desperately attempting to keep track of the disorientated matriarch of their family without much success.
After all, she already had the advantage of a head start, and possessed the adrenaline of somepony who was in the throes of near-madness. As most ponies probably would be, if they'd woken up one fine afternoon in an unfamiliar location believing that they'd somehow aged enough to pass as their grandmother in the space of a day.
Nevertheless, they pressed on with firm determination, ignoring the puzzled stares by the sidelines of those confused that a formerly privileged brat and her often office-bound father were putting on such an athletic display of prowess.
Sadly, the speeding father and daughter had no time to answer their speculative shouts of whether they were in training for the upcoming Running Of The Leaves, or just trying to shift some of that lingering foal fat, as they carried themselves forward relentlessly.
Their only passable clue to follow was Spoiled's somewhat unique hoofmarks on the dusty ground: nopony else around ordered their hooves finely custom-pedicured to within an inch of their length, after all. Appearance above functionality, as always with her.
"W-Wow, dad gasp..." wheezed Diamond during their headlong rush, finally beginning to feel the impact of her until now sedentary lifestyle after a rapid start. "I-I never knew Mother could move this quickly. W-Well, apart from that time an overworked Olay Oil accidentally rubbed her with orange fur dye instead of moisturiser during one of her thrice daily dips. P-Poor Olay was chased through Ponyville the entire night, until the sun came up. And all because Mother hated looking like Applejack even a little phew..."
"Really? That's not how I heard it." Filthy was starting to get a bit tired himself, though not to the extent of slurring his words, having more stamina than his young daughter. "Spoiled just told me Olay took early retirement and took off suddenly one day. Said that she'd begged her 'dear' personal attendant to stay, even offered her extra vacation time, but she'd already made her mind up."
"And you believed her?" Diamond slowed down briefly to admonish her father with a raised eyebrow, as he himself began to feel a little silly. "Still, it could've been worse. She might've caught up with Olay the first few hours after it happened, then all Tartarus really would've broke loose. As it was, I think being given the sack and bribed to keep quiet about what happened was the best possible outcom... hello, what do we have here?"
What caused both Rich's to postpone their swift pursuit was unrelated to their amnesiac target, but it was still an unsettling spectacle laid out before them which demanded their immediate attention.
For there, right outside the Carousal Boutique where they'd just screeched to a halt, was a large grand-looking sofa with purple trim, and present on there was none other than Rarity herself, bawling her blue eyes out interminably.
This must be the infamous fainting couch I've heard so much about... Diamond mused, as she witnessed the many tears of the devastated unicorn pool into multiple streams of fluid on the ground before being filtered down the numerous drains by the sidewalk. Thank Celestia it was a central pledge of Mayor Mare's manifesto at the last election that Ponyville be properly plumbed, or we could be looking at a major flood situation. Of course, they were installed there for Rarity's benefit in the first place, but nopony is going to tell her that.
Nearby her inconsolable sister stood Sweetie Belle, clearly on comfort duty and not doing too good a job of it. The young unicorn was whispering into her older sibling's ear, gently patting her hoof, even brandishing Rarity's favourite brand of luxury chocolate with magic near her sobbing mouth.
Nothing seemed to work, and the blubbery hysterics from the crying mare were beginning to attract quite the mixed crowd, some of which were even now putting their umbrellas up. A lot of the curious onlookers were quite used to seeing the notoriously overdramatic Rarity this emotionally wrought, but her teary outbursts didn't usually last this long and weren't normally in such a public setting, either.
Despite the search for her AWOL mother being a clear and present priority, Diamond couldn't help but want to stop and help the seemingly desperate Sweetie Belle. After all, it was part of her new lifeplan to aid all those in need, and what better way to start than assist one of the trio who helped put her on the right path to redemption in the first place?
So it was with little hesitation that a smiling Diamond trotted over to a sweating Sweetie Belle to nudge her slightly, while the young unicorn still tried without much success to stem the endless flow of her sister's twin eye geysers.
"Hey there, what's up?" Diamond asked innocently, as her father stood by to observe. "Has something upset Rarity? Is there anything we can do to help?"
Sweetie Belle stopped dangling expensive sugary edibles in front of her older sibling momentarily in order to see who was doing the prodding, and upon learning their identity, quickly turned back in a huff. "Oh, it's you. Haven't you done enough damage already? What do you want, Diamond Tiara?!"
"Huh?!" The pink filly in question reeled a little upon hearing this unexpected chastisement from her usually unfailingly polite friend. "I was only asking to be nice, because I saw your big sister looking so distressed in middle of the street! If that's how you're going to be when I'm only trying to help, I shan't bother in the future! C'mon Dad, let's go and search for Mum again!"
Diamond swiftly left the unwelcome company of the young unicorn and had already grabbed the hoof of her father to walk away, when they heard the pitter-patter of little feet behind them, as a sheepish Sweetie Belle endeavoured to catch up.
"Wait!" she yelped, in a voice tinged with regret. "I'm sorry, I'm just so annoyed about what happened a few minutes ago, that I just took it out on you without thinking first. I should've remembered it was just an accident to begin with, the way she is now. After all, I was there during the incident at soccer practice."
Diamond shot her father a look, before turning back to Sweetie Belle with just one question on her lips. "You're talking about Mother, aren't you?"
"T-T-The fiend! T-T-The brute! T-T-The saboteur! H-H-How could she do this to me, after all the things I've made for her over the years?!" Rarity seemed to confirm the pink filly's suspicions, as she took long gulps between loud sobs. "S-S-She comes into my store, naked as the day she was born, looking like she's been dragged through a hedge forwards and backwards again. I-I-I can accept that, not all of our clientele are the elite of society, even though it was a surprise to see Mrs Rich that scruffy and smelly. B-B-But then... t-t-then... WAH!!"
Realising her sister was in no fit state to finish the rest of the sordid yarn, a frowning Sweetie Belle duly filled in. "Then, your mother starts yelling at the top of her voice in that weird new accent of hers at all of our wealthy customers. About how they should be 'ashamed' at wasting so much of their valuable bits on 'overpriced tat', how 'ridiculous' they looked in their 'stupid costumes', why they'd be much better off investing their money in a patch of land where they'd know a 'hard day's graft for once in their cosseted lives', and so on. It was just like the time Applejack judged my sister's fashion show, only worse. Much much worse. I don't think I have to tell you, everypony soon left in a hurry after that."
" I-I-I tried to rush outside and get them to come back, but they just wouldn't listen." Rarity paused briefly to daintily blow her nose on a perfumed hoofkerchief, before resuming her tale of woe. "I-I-I've had to close up an hour early today, for the first time ever! Your mother is a menace who shouldn't be allowed out in decent society! Oh, what am I to do?! It is my firm belief that everypony in there today will never ever return, and they'll tell their important friends to do the same, until eventually... I-I-I'll have to shut all three of my shops permanently! I-I-I'll never see my face in the Equestrian fashion pages ever again! N-N-No more parties! N-N-No more galas! I-I-I won't even be trusted to sow a button! M-M-My life, as I know it, is over!! This truly is, the WORST. POSSIBLE. THIN..."
"Okay Sis, I think we get the general picture." Sweetie Belle, like everypony else watching this tragic melodrama unveil, couldn't help but feel the distraught unicorn may be overstating her upcoming financial ruin a tad. "Just try to relax, and settle down. Everything is going to be okay. Let's get you inside, and have Opalescence come and sit next to you so you can pet her. That always calms you down, remember?"
"S-Sweetie Belle, I can't apologise enough for this! You too, Miss Rarity..." Diamond expressed genuine remorse for what had occurred, and her sincere words were backed up by a gravely nodding Filthy. "The thing is, as you already know, my mum is very sick. We need to get her specialist help as soon as possible, then we can clear all of this up later. Tell me: which direction did she go when she left here?"
"She went thaddaway." Sweetie Belle announced with little thought, pointing to her right. "And it's okay, I'm not blaming you or Mr Filthy. Or even your mother, as strange as it sounds. Who'd have thought she'd be even more destructive as her new weird self, than she was as Spoiled Rich? Well, gotta go. I hope it all works out for you, but I have a big sister to cheer up. Judging by the outpour and density of moisture this time around, it'll probably take a few hours at least. Be seeing you."
"It's not a 'new weird sel'... oh, never mind." Diamond rolled her eyes as she realised it would take too long to explain her mother's true predicament. "Hurry up, Dad. If we're going to catch her, we have to get a move on!"
"Hang on just a moment." the pink filly's male parent suddenly seemed cross about something. "Did she just call me 'Mr Filth..'?!"
"Oh, get over yourself, Father! You know that not everypony is always going to remember how you want to be addressed all of the time." Diamond gave out a frustrated sigh, before trying to pull him along. "Anyway, don't you think finding Mother is a bit more important than massaging your bruised ego? Come on, shake a leg, and let's get after her!"
"Y-Yes, of course, darling!" Filthy felt a bit embarrassed at being shown up by his own daughter in terms of maturity, and wasted no more time in proceeding at a steady gallop with her in their apparently endless quest to snag their elusive mind-addled prey.
Behind them, as the bored crowd dispersed and Sweetie Belle began to drag her sniffling sister back into the boutique, plush sofa and all, the morose fashionista had a question for her younger sibling.
"H-How can you be so sure, Sweetie Belle? T-That everything will be alright, I mean?"
To this, the little filly glanced up gleefully at Rarity, before reminding her of one salient fact.
"Did you forget already, Rarity? Tomorrow, the Big Sale starts!"
Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara continued their relentless pursuit throughout the streets of Ponyville, their elusive quarry however showed no signs of revealing herself.
The only possible clue as to the direction she'd taken were the multitude of confused ponies lurking at the periphery of the road, stunned faces which showed their owners had more than likely experienced the newly revealed alternate persona of the region's biggest snob firsthoof. Well, at least the local psychiatrist would probably see an uptick in business that week, even if nopony else especially benefitted from her major breakdown.
Using these gawking equines's confused expressions like a star map at regular intervals, the father and daughter tag team were able to just about keep pace with Spoiled, until they reached the town square. It was here that the stamina expended by galloping full pelt for a couple of miles began to take it's toll on the weary duo, and ready to collapse as they were, Diamond and Filthy decided to take it easy for a few seconds on one of the wooden benches located around the picturesque area.
"W-Wow, who knew mother had such reserves of endurance?" Diamond gasped with relief, using her willing father's lap like a makeshift pillow. "Apart from that incident with Olay Oil, all I've ever seen her do is sit in her office all day doing nothing, recline in the tub doing nothing, lie in bed doing nothing... do you sense a pattern emerging here? Yet here she is, charging around like a minotaur in a china shop, without even pausing for breath once! I had no idea that she, of all ponies, would have such untapped potential as a long distance runner!"
"Now that you mention it..." Filthy mused for a moment, while absent-mindedly stroking his daughter's mane. "...She did used to work exhaustingly all day shifts at that dairy farm back in Fillydelphia. She hadn't really much of a choice, considering how dirt poor her parents were and their, shall we say, poor physical condition after the tragic accident. In fact, it was probably her hard work and sacrifice which enabled the Milk's to stay financially solvent, and avoid being kicked out of their shack in the first place. It's also those qualities which attracted me to your mother when we first met, all those years ago..."
Diamond blinked with confusion for a few seconds, before an inevitable barrage of questions fell from her mouth to assail Filthy's already ringing ears. "What?! Why have I only just found this out? Are you sure we're talking about the same pony here? How did you two get together in the first place? Why have I never met my grandparents on her side? Accident? What accident? What's Phillydelphia lik..."
Filthy chuckled good-naturedly at his inquisitive daughter's curious nature, and gently massaged her neck as he began setting himself upright. "I promise you my little filly, I'll tell you the whole riveting tale just as soon as all this is over. After all, wasn't it you who said back at the mansion that we should find your mother first, before waxing lyrical about the past?"
"Erm, sure..." Diamond replied, blushing slightly at being contradicted by her own words. "But I never said anything about 'waxing'. Don't tell me she had another job back then, cleaning floors or something? Gosh, she really must have been working herself to the bone. Who'd have thought it?"
Filthy did his best to avoid guffawing at his daughter's little miscommunication there, and was about to tell her exactly what the phrase meant, when the sound of a nearby vehicle screeching to a halt could be heard, and a panicked voice cut through the tender moment.
"Oh, thank Celestia I finally found you!" Scootaloo gasped with relief, as she removed the helmet which had helped start this awful mess in the first place. "Something big is going down at the spa, and Dash told me to go and fetch Mr Filthy at light speed. Which of course is my default, so no worries there. Anyway, I've tracked you down now, so please follow me... if you can keep up, that is. You can tag along too if you want as well, Diamond. Fancy being my co-pilot on this baby? If you've changed your mind on what a 'deathtrap' it is, of course."
Startled by the sudden appearance of her orange winged friend and hearing her surprise news, it was all Diamond could do to focus on the multiple crashes experienced by the reckless little pegasus, and the substantial outlay of bandages and plasters afterwards to convince the pink filly to stand her ground. Literally, and figuratively.
"N-No thank you Scoots, I'm quite happy sticking to a more reliable surface, where I'm not likely to go flying off at a hundred miles an hour into the nearest wall when the brakes inevitably fail, no offence." Diamond informed her friend in crystal clear terms that traveling by two wheels was most definitely not a viable option. "But thank you for coming all this way to fetch us. Judging by the fact you were trying to track us down specifically, I assume it's got something to do with my mother. Would I be correct in saying that?"
"I'd say!" Scootaloo tittered slightly, as she put her safety gear back on. "I mean, I know I shouldn't laugh, because a lot of ponies are having their days ruined by her, but... well, you'll just have to see what I mean when you get there. I hope you've still got some energy left in those sweaty bodies, 'cos I'm about to suck every last bit of it out of them. Remember: I don't slow down for anypony! Come on, hop to it and let's go, go, go!!"
As Scootaloo charged off into the distance and Filthy and Diamond scrambled up as one to join her, one of the things Scootaloo had mentioned caused Filthy to pause for thought briefly, apart from the fact that yet another of his daughter's friends had got his name 'wrong'.
"She... mentioned it was the spa that Spoiled was causing trouble at, right? So... why would Rainbow Dash be the one who sent your friend to come and find us?"
"Well, it may have escaped your attention, but Scoots and Dash are pretty close." Diamond answered plainly, as if she expected everypony in town should know that by now. "In fact, I think they even won that annual Sisterhooves Social contest recently that I can never ever enter, because you and mom are too lazy to look under any gooseberry bushes or talk to any storks to find me a..."
"Y-Yes, yes I know all that already. In fact, it may have escaped your attention, but Barnyard Bargains are the ones who sponsor the trophy for the main competition every year." Filthy didn't exactly like the direction this conversation was going in, and so abruptly changed it with the skill of a Las Pegasus card shark. "My question was more about what a pony like Rainbow Dash would be doing at an expensive spa in the first place. I don't mean to stereotype, but she doesn't exactly strike me as the kind of mare who'd..."
"Let me stop you right there." Diamond rolled her eyes at her father's somewhat old-fashioned way of thinking, but then had a small confession of her own to make. "I suppose I can't really blame you for believing that, I might've said the same not so long ago until I commissioned Featherweight to take secret snaps all over town during my stint as editor of the Foal Free Press, and got an action pic of Dash being given a hooficure delivered right onto my desk. That ended up being one of our best-selling editions, a great source of pride for me at the time. Of course, I don't feel quite so happy about it now."
"Hey, cheer up my dear!" Filthy smiled encouragingly at his daughter's regretful look, lifting up her chin slightly so he could gaze directly into her eyes. "You're so much nicer to others these days, and don't think I haven't noticed it. Why, only a few minutes ago, I saw the way you tried to comfort Sweetie Belle and Rarity outside the boutique. If that'd been the old Diamond, I'm sure she would've just walked on by laughing without a care in the world. I think you should be extremely proud at the fantastic progress you've made in the last few months, because as sure as my prices are the lowest around, I certainly am. I can only hope that when we get your mother back and functioning properly again, she'll finally see sense and start agreeing with me."
"D-Daddy..." Diamond sniffled, suddenly feeling her eyes moisten with tears a bit.
"Hey don't go all soppy with me in public, it's not like you at all!" Filthy jokingly glanced around at anypony who might be watching his daughter's rare display of genuine emotion. "You don't want an embarrassing photo of your own to be floating around the media, do you? I can just see the headline now: 'TOUGHEST FILLY AROUND CRIES IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN. INVESTIGATORS ARE ON THE WAY, TO MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT A ROGUE CHANGELING'..."
"Oh, stop being so silly Daddy!" Diamond gave her father a friendly little poke in the side, before he 'retaliated' by lifting up her squirming form and depositing it gently onto his back.
"You've really done it now, Missy!! Now, I'm going to have to carry you all the way there myself, no arguments! Hold onto the reins tightly, as I suspect it's going to be a bumpy ride indeed. Tally ho, let's go!"
And as the best (and most affordable) taxi service around made his way non-stop to the spa, with a perpetually giggling pink filly as it's only passenger, they didn't realise they'd been watched all this time by a mysterious figure lurking in the bushes, where she'd dropped her frisbee earlier.
This unintentional spy had heard everything which had transpired between the duo, humorous anecdotes, bonding moments and all. She carefully adjusted her glasses, swished back her whitened ponytail and ran over everything she'd witnessed in her brain.
"Hmm, well I'd heard rumours, but I didn't think it was that extreme. I better go along too, to help and support my best friend anyway I can. And if I can't do that, it should be an interesting spectacle, at the very least."
A very fine selection of two-word descriptive phrases, all of which failed to do any justice to the unmitigated disaster that awaited Diamond Tiara and her loyal 'steed' once they approached the periphery of the spa location.
Hot towels hanging outside from every bush and tree in sight like sticky decorative cobwebs. Openmouthed customers, apparently unceremoniously evacuated in the midst of treatment in most cases, looking either very confused or just plain apoplectic. And the trained staff, who should be hard at work relieving pent-up tension in the temples of their stressed-out clientele, milling around talking in hushed voices about what'd just gone down in their usually uneventful workplace just a few minutes earlier.
The consensus seemed to be: 'our union will hear about this disgrace. We don't get paid enough to deal with this kind of...'
Luckily, Diamond had already leapt off her parental ride here at this juncture, so it was a simple matter for a panicking Filthy Rich to block her earholes with his rapidly grasping hooves. His daughter had come such a long way in a short space of time, he didn't want the acquirement of foul language to be the harbinger of a slippery slope back to immorality for her. Especially with everything else that was going on. It would be much more than his precious singular executive stress ball could cope with, surely.
Amongst all the fast chattering, loud grumbling and dangling fabrics overhead, one oddity stood out to the newly arrived pair (Scootaloo having already made herself scarce) as they scanned the disorderly scene with a growing sense of disbelief. It was the sight of a forlorn seeming Lotus Blossom, one of the most popular beauticians there, standing around just by the spa entrance. The generally happy-go-lucky blue mare was in a quite the distressed state, but the strangest thing about her status was the fact she appeared to be... alone.
"Oh, merci! Thank Celestia you've finally arrived!! And you're looking so healthy, too! If a little tense around the haunches." Upon clapping eyes on Filthy Rich, having obviously been waiting an age for his appearance, Lotus galloped over and engulfed the mollified stallion with her customary tight hug and kiss on each cheek greeting. "It has been so long since I've seen you! Surely those long hours at the office must take a toll on your nervous system, no? Why don't you come in once in a while, so that I may remove some of that pressure? We've just taken delivery of some new mystical oils from The Old Country, which would work wonders on..."
"E-Erm, while I appreciate your concern for my well-being Miss Blossom, weren't we called here on matters besides your no doubt excellent relaxation therapy?" Filthy exclaimed anxiously, and Diamond, despite the seriousness of the situation at hoof, found herself chuckling a little at her dad's cringing discomfort. "An issue relating to my somewhat disoriented wife, perchance? Wasn't it Rainbow Dash who gave us the summons... where is she, anyway? I suppose it would be difficult to spot anypony in this giant huddle. Come to think of it, where's your charming partner, the pink mare who looks just like you? I swear, I see the pair of you together so often, it's like you're joined at the hip."
At the mention of her closest friend in the whole wide world, all of Lotus's professional spiel broke down completely, and soon floods of tears began erupting from her engorged eyes. In terms of blubbering expertise, she must've taken lessons from one of her favourite customers Rarity, as between the duo they could probably drown the entirety of Equestria under the sheer weight of their spewing tear ducts.
"O-Oh oui, Monsieur! A-And young Miss! I-It was terrible! J-Just terrible!" If Diamond thought she'd be missing out on the 'fun', a quick grab from the sobbing Lotus put paid to that futile notion, and the squirming filly found herself pressed against the beautician's soggy midriff.
"Okay, okay. Please try to calm down. We're here now. We'll make everything alright, you have my honest vow as a businesspony. Now, why don't you tell us what happened from the beginning, and then we'll see if we can't clear up this slight kerfuffle?" Filthy gulped slightly as Lotus's other forehoof snaked it's way around his neck in the midst of her anguish.
It was a good job his wife wasn't here either in body or spirit to see this impromptu display of unrequested attention, or she'd have his guts for garte... actually, no. She'd never use anything so disgusting for clothes. She'd just knock him out as punishment, and then steal his chequebook to buy 'proper' attire. Yes, that sounds a lot more like her.
"O-Oh oui, oui. I shall do as you say, although there isn't much to tell." Lotus's loud snivelling began to peter out a bit, as the downcast mare composed herself just enough to describe earlier events. "It was just a normal, ordinary day at the spa. Okay, so maybe Mr Bulk Biceps was being a little over the top with his 'YEAHs' while massaging, but we're used to that by now. Then all of a sudden, my partner and dear friend Aloe spotted your lovely lady wife outside, looking very tired and exhausted like she'd been on a long run. Naturally, seeing as she's one of our best clients, Aloe went to meet her and invited her inside for some extensive therapy. 'Aloe', she told Mrs Spoiled, 'would you like our best service at the lowest possible price?'. Because, you see, Aloe sounds very much like Hello. Good joke, no? Hee hee hee!"
Having not elicited a single flicker of emotion from the stony-faced Diamond (who'd now been deposited back onto terra firma now, thankfully) and a bemused Filthy, Lotus frowned a bit before carrying on. "A-Anyway, she asked moi what I was referring to, and when I explained more... Sacre Bleu!! She went absolutely loco! Before any of us knew what was happening she rushed inside, running about while asking all of our valued customers 'why they were busy steaming themselves dry as lizards when there was work to be done.' And when most of them told her to 'get lost'... mamma mia! You should've seen her tear the place apart! Cosmetics and talcum powder smashed everywhere! Chairs and tables overturned! Ponies unwinding on their day off being thrown out of windows! It was a full scale one mad-mare riot! Where did she get all this strength from?! None of us knew what to do, so we just escaped outside. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash was on the premises having her hoofs filed, or as she calls it, her 'usual patrol'. She arranged to have Scootaloo come and fetch you, while she flew off to assemble the rest of the Wonderbolts to tackle this new deadly threat. In her own words, 'between your wife and Tirek, it's a pretty close contest'."
Diamond and Filthy swallowed deeply in unison upon hearing the destruction wrought by the deranged matriarch of their family, glancing over at each other in sheer horror at what'd been unleashed by a simple playground accident. Who'd have thought that so much town-wide upheaval would be the resulting aftermath, to the extent that specialist troops were apparently being assembled, with the probable assistance of the Princesses if the situation deteriorated even more?
No, this would not do at all. Something had to be done this very instant, and there were only two hapless ponies present who could possibly stop the tumult from spreading any further. Spoiled Milk was part of their family, for better or worse, and therefore their responsibility one hundred percent. Tragically.
Despite all the risks involved from dealing with a pony in such a fragile state of mind, both Diamond and Filthy reached the same conclusion at almost exactly the same time. Addressing each other with a final decisive nod, it was the crowned filly (though why it hadn't fallen off in the middle of the long chase with her mother is anypony's guess) who next uttered her first words since arriving on the apocalyptic scene. After all, she was known as a 'take charge' kind of filly. Maybe it was about time to start proving it in situations that didn't only benefit her agenda.
"Lead us to where the target is please, Ms Blossom. We'll take it from there. You have nothing further to worry about. We'll be leaving here with Mrs Mil-Rich, or we won't be leaving at all. It's as simple as that."
As Filthy went back to stare with concern at his daughter for her troublingly unchildlike rhetoric there, Lotus quickly responded negatively to the smaller pony's firm words. "Oh dear me, sweetheart... I cannot do that. I'm not sure what's going on with your mummy, but she's really on the warpath in there. It's taken the combined power of Aloe, Bulk Biceps and a few of our stronger clientele just to subdue her until further help arrives, it certainly isn't a place for a sweet filly such as yourself. I'd hesitate to even let your father go inside, if I didn't think he could help negotiate the prevention of the oblivion of our wonderful spa. The way things are right now though, maybe even that isn't such a good idea. Oh... what to do, what to do? I have no wish to see Mrs Rich be arrested like a common criminal, after all the money she's pumped into our place over the years. But it's going to take just as many bits to fix things back to the way they were, and we can't allow such blatant vandalism of our establishment to go unpunished, whatever her personal circumstance might be!"
Diamond Tiara grimaced at being treated 'like a kid' when she'd thought so highly of her ability to solve the problem at hoof, while Filthy felt even more nervous than before about the scalding headlines that would no doubt erupt from his wife trashing such a popular local landmark. Both were still fretful for the precarious mental condition of Spoiled of course, and wondered if perhaps they could elicit a bit more sympathy from Lotus if she knew the true extent of the deluded mare's fantasy regarding her current age and background. It was just a matter of who'd tell the beautician first...
...Before either had any chance to bring Lotus up to speed with earlier events however, a sound close to the ground could be heard just behind them. It was the hoarse noise of a throat being cleared, and it surprised father and daughter alike so much that their current train of thought was interrupted irrevocably, and they spun around as one to see the identity of the mysterious stunted interruptor.
With her long, white braided ponytail and thick-set glasses, it could only be one filly. For none other than Silver Spoon was there in the flesh, and she stood out like an oasis of calm in the middle of the fraught surrounding atmosphere. She'd eavesdropped carefully on everything that'd been said the last few minutes, and combining that with what the rumour mill had told her earlier, now thought she had a decently sized grasp on the situation.
"Silv!! What are you..." Diamond started to speak, understandably perplexed at the unexpected appearance of her bestie. She'd purposefully kept the grey filly out of the infirmary earlier on after the hubbub in the schoolyard, not wanting to involve any more ponies in her familial troubles than was absolutely necessary.
It would appear though, that Silver had decided to make it her own business to entangle herself up in Diamond's affairs, for now she seemed to have something to say.
"It doesn't matter what I'm doing here, Di. What counts is that I think I have a solution to your problem, if you'll hear me out. So, are you ready to hear my suggestion?"
If the scenes outside the gutted spa building had been one of utter devastation and complete chaos, what awaited Filthy Rich inside was possibly even worse. He could not believe his formerly demure wife was capable of such wanton destruction, which would surely take a huge chunk out of Barnyard Bargains annual profits to repair.
And yes, he was prepared to settle this matter before arbitration without a second thought. The resulting court battle, if he didn't take up that option, would in all likelihood cost his successful company plenty more in terms of bad publicity and prestige. Not to mention, undoubtedly drag up certain long-buried memories from the past that he did not wish to have splashed all over the headlines...
Filthy brusquely shook his head to rid himself of these pessimistic notions. I-It's all going to be okay, no need to panic. We'll get my wife back to the mansion, put her to bed and then Band Aid can come in and restore her to her previous lovable, huggable self... w-well, to who she was before, anyway. I've been wanting Spoiled to change for so long, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind. Maybe, when we were still innocent young foals in Phillydelphia all those years ago, her new personality would've been acceptable. But the wife of a successful tycoon with an international company to run being obsessed with farm-work and thinking that all materialism is bad simply won't do. I just can't win with you Spoiled, can I? It's either one extreme, or another. If only you could find a happy medium somewhere between your old and new selves, it'll be so much easier...
Having left Diamond outside for her own safety while he persevered on, Filthy carefully navigated around the numerous broken items of furniture and leaking pipes until he heard what was apparently a loud screaming match taking place in a nearby room. There were at least six ponies participating in this raucous event, and as he neared the venue and the 'contestants' voices grew ever clearer, it was pretty evident who was in the lead points-wise. He was so proud.
"...I be telling ya'll, this blasted place be the root of all evil! Distractin' ponies that should be pullin' crops at the fields, to make them lazy and laggard the whole day long! They don't be needin' hot towels and some big fella pressin' their backs to feel good, what they want is stayin' outside from when the cock crows to when it slumbers, pickin' all kinds of delicious fruit 'n' veg for the big summer harvest ahead! There's no time to be loafin' around like a loose lemon, we have to get the produce in 'fore the weather turns choppy, so we do! Aye be doing you all a favour, smashin' up this house o' lies! Now ya can actually get some proper work done, as opposed to partakin' in all this senseless lollygagging. Let me go, so aye can go and find me parents and old Mr McGruber to discover just what the hay be goin' on here. There be somethin' very fishy 'bout this place, and somethin' seriously screwy with the mirrors..."
Filthy winced as he recognised the garbled tones of Spoiled Milk being communicated through his 'dearly' beloved, and it didn't exactly sound like she was getting any better. If anything, maybe even worse. Before he could process anything further though, another female voice could be heard in answer to his wife's frenzied pleas, and this new heavy Old Country accent belonged to the beautician Aloe. Because obviously, her partner Lotus Blossom was still waiting anxiously outside for this unseemly incident to come to an end. Process of elimination, and all that.
"P-Please control yourself, Mrs Rich! Why you wish to tear apart our lovely spa, where you have been coming for many happy years? What we do to make you hate us so much, that you'd want to destroy our business? I-If you'd only calm down and tell us, maybe we could..."
"Hey! You not be the one needing an explainin', that be me!" Spoiled Milk continued to rage unabated, as Filthy finally reached the decimated door leading to the room where she'd at last been restrained. "Aye wake up in this strange place with lots o' weird folk I never seen before, and you be wantin' me to explain things?! For all aye be knowin', ya kidnapped me to bring me here and ransom me off to me poor parents. Well, sorry to bust ya chops duckie, but me mama and papa ain't got two bits to rub together, and that be the honest truth. So quit wastin' time that I could be spendin' fillin' the pail, and get this big lug off me lickety-split! I can feel me ribs cracklin' under the galoot's weight, so help me I can!"
Filthy had already kind of guessed what lay inside as he tip-hoofed around the numerous splinters of wood, but that didn't make the sight any less shocking. His usually prim and proper wife being nakedly held spread-eagle on the ground, one pony for each hoof, and Bulk Biceps acting as Equestria's heaviest paperweight as he sat firmly on her midriff. Aloe was trying (and failing) to be a peacemaker for the agitated Spoiled, but something even more unstable was happening around them.
The massaging chamber where they were located was quickly flooding after all, and pretty soon sea-ponies would be the only ones able to maintain a presence in the submerged surroundings. If the intrepid stallion was going to act, he couldn't leave it much longer. Let's see if my daughter's friend is as smart as she looks...
"W-Why hello there, Miss Milk!" Without further ado, Filthy made his play by stepping forward casually, which betrayed the huge amounts of unease cascading through his cranium. "Sorry to keep you waiting, but you dashed off before I had a chance to explain things! Can I take a seat now, so I can tell you what is happening?"
All the squabbling ponies around Spoiled halted their bickering with the prostrate mare to gaze up in astonishment, including Aloe who currently looked as lost as a crying foal separated from their parents during a mega Barnyard Bargains clearance day. Filthy gave the beautician a reassuring wink, before turning to face his somewhat out-of-sorts wife with a look of the utmost sincerity.
"Hey, aye know you!" Spoiled stopped struggling long enough to regard this new arrival with widened eyes. "Ya'll be the one from before, the guy with the schmancy fancy mansion and all them funny pictures on the shelf that kinda looked like me, 'cept they wasn't. Did ya do somethin' to me face to make me look ugly? Where am aye now? Was this your silly plan to cart me off here for money? 'Cos ya'll not see a penny from me family, I tell ya what! Or, if this be some kinda stupid prank..."
"No abduction, no jokes, I promise you. And nothing to worry about whatsoever." Filthy Rich swallowed a big lump in his throat, as he did his best to remain sincere. Part of his professional approach was to never knowingly lie, a vow which'd delivered him a well-deserved reputation for honest trading over the years. So this small deception would be an entirely new experience, but one which he would have to pass with flying colours to succeed.
"H-Huh? Say what?" Spoiled raised a confused right eyebrow, and those desperately pinning her to the floor mercifully felt her relax her muscles a bit. "Why wouldn't aye be worried, for Land's Sake? Here I be, stuck in a messed-up town aye ain't ever seen before, with strangers that wouldn't go knowin' a hard day's grind if it jumped up and bit them on the rump! I miss me parents, I miss me friends, I miss me home..."
"But you are home, Miss Milk." Filthy swore to her blindly, while staring her down. "Let me put it in simple terms: You are right now experiencing a very lucid dream, and as a spirit guide I have taken the form of somepony special to you to lead you out. Take a closer look at me: are you starting to recognise who I am yet?"
Spoiled listened carefully to this alleged 'spirit guide's' words, obviously being intrigued enough to pay attention. She then further went on to scrutinise him closer, whilst her captors looked on powerlessly, at least hoping that whatever plan Filthy had hatched would have a harmonious conclusion.
"Brown fur, black mane. Nah, ya don't be lookin' like anypony aye ever clapped me peepers on..." Filthy's heart sunk for a moment at Spoiled's dismissive reply, before an unexpected follow-up yelp returned him to his senses. "...W-Wait jus' a cotton pickin'... it ain't even possible. Ya'll be much taller than 'im, with more wrinkles, and a stupid tie 'round ya neck that I just know he'd never wear in a month o' Sundays. But aye s'pose, under a bad light, there maybe somethin' 'bout you that be remindin' me of a certain, uh, 'friend' o' mine..."
Finally, we be gettin'... I mean, we're getting somewhere. Filthy internally chastised himself for letting Spoiled Milk's mangling of the local dialect get to him, before he continued on with his cunning masquerade. "All minor differences between myself here and my real-life counterpart can be put down to the constant ripples that exist in the unstable dreamworld. See? Now, I'm ripping up my 'stupid' tie, I'm talking to you in a softer voice and don't tell me you fail to recognise this cutie mark. You always said it looked good on me..."
Spoiled took everything the sweaty stallion said in, even venturing to sneak a peek at the trio of moneybags emblazoned on one side of his flank. A few awkward moments of silence reigned, before a quite unanticipated reaction from the memory-wiped magenta mare surprised everypony in that rapidly overflowing room.
"It is you!!" Having obviously not quite expended all the strength she'd used in reducing the spa house to a crumbling wreck, Spoiled was able to somehow summon one last burst of energy to break free of her restrainers. She had no interest in continuing her earlier rampage however, and instead her target was one unsuspecting millionaire who soon found himself smothered under a sobbing wife.
"O-Oh F-Filthy, or whatever ya'll name is, it be the worst nightmare ever! Like Nightmare Moon or Discord had returned, but of course that ain't true, stone the crows! Aye can even feel and touch things, and aye really thought me nose had turned into a curly parsnip! Aye know aye ain't no oil paintin', but aye is better lookin' than that! There even be a little filly called Crownie sayin' that I was her mama, when I be barely out of school meself! Please, Great And Wonderousful Spirit, show me how to escape this terrorisin' dream, so aye can return to me simple life of slopping out the pigs and working them udders! I not be sure I can take much more of this imaginin', in fact right now I be feeling very... zzzzzz..."
Having at long last faded away after her cataclysmic spree across Ponyville, a very drained Spoiled collapsed against a nonplussed Filthy's side, on this occasion actually dreaming for real.
Suddenly realising he was in a race against the clock before she awoke and the entire room they were in collapsed, Filthy wasted no more time in carefully positioning her onto his back to carry her out. He also began ushering the other dazed residents in there to leave, now that Spoiled was safely contained.
"I am very sorry for your wife's condition, and of course grateful for her years of patronage here..." Aloe remarked as she exited, having figured out by now something was not quite right with the deranged mare. "But I am afraid damaging half of our spa is perfectly reasonable grounds for a lifetime ban. There's also the 'small' matter of clean-up costs..."
"I'll send members of my construction division first thing in the morning, and they can start sizing up the property damage..." Filthy sighed in defeat, very aware that this unfortunate incident would majorly hit what'd been a banner year for his company so far. "...What's even worse is I just threw away my favourite tie. My lucky tie, with which I've never failed to close a deal while wearing. I wouldn't have torn it to shreds up for just anypony, but as much as I love both the old and the new Spoiled, I hope we can return her to some semblance of sanity soon. For all our sakes..."
By the time Filthy Rich and his little entourage of spa workers left the crumbling interior of the spa, it was already getting dark and the crowd outside had began to disperse before nightfall.
Among the equines still remaining included Lotus Blossom (whose emotional reunion with Aloe was something to behold), a small group of press ponies and of course, an anxious Diamond Tiara. She was currently being kept company by her best friend Silver Spoon as both fillies waited in earnest for the 'siege' to come to an end, and as her father's head gradually emerged from the building, she couldn't contain her excitement any longer.
"D-Daddy! You're here! A-And you and Mother are safe!" Diamond wasted no time in leaping up and almost magnetically sealing herself to Filthy's midriff. "I-I was so worried when I saw part of the roof cave in, but I was sure if anypony could survive something like that, it would have to be you! After all, who else would you trust to go to your big meeting tomorrow?"
Filthy gazed down lovingly at his only child, as Spoiled snored loudly on his back. "You know me so well, don't you darling? Thank you so much for staying put like I asked you to, and also to Silver for making sure you stayed out of mischief while I was gone. I've never said this to you before, but I always thought she was the most responsible one of the two of you."
"Daddy!!" Diamond grimaced with a blush, whilst her greyish friend chuckled amiably next to her. There was no anger in her voice though, indicating she took the jokey remark in exactly the spirit it was intended.
"Yes, well anyway..." Filthy carried on speaking, whilst giving Diamond a little pat on the head. "Thanks to your clever friend's successful plan, now I just have to drop this precious package I'm carrying upstairs at the mansion and maybe we can relax. There's still plenty to do in terms of clearing up the messes both here and at Rarity's shop, as well as getting your mother the treatment she needs. But as long as we keep a close eye on her from now on, hopefully there won't be any other major emergencies."
Diamond nodded at all this, and looked like she was ready to de-attach herself from her father so they could begin the short trek home, before a sharp nudge from a frowning Silver reminded her of something. "U-Um, Daddy?"
"Yes, what is it, pumpkin?" Filthy asked almost absent-mindedly, as he checked on the status of his slumbering wife.
"W-Well..." Diamond composed herself, before daring to ask the question that was burning on her tongue. "Me and Silv were talking while you were in there rescuing Mother, and she's pretty much up to date on what's happening now. It felt like a big weight off my mind, and I realised it really helped to have somepony to chat to about things properly, besides you. So I was kind of wondering..."
"...Let me guess. You want her to spend the night, is that correct?" Filthy rolled his eyes with a sigh. The last thing he needed right now along with a yokel-ish wife prone to flashes of outrageous behaviour and a crucial business meeting on the horizon was another filly to take care of.
"My parents are out of town right now, attending a big cutlery convention. I have the whole estate to myself, and it gets kind of lonely..." Silver did her best to pull on the heartstrings, as Diamond played her part by looking on with puppy dog eyes. "I promise I won't be a bother, and I'll even help with preparing dinner. It's kind of my 'thing' you know, cooking that is, especially if we're having something pasta-based."
"Fine, you win." Filthy said in abject defeat, to the accompaniment of whoops and hollers from the listening youngsters. "...But I do have a few house rules. No diving into random mountains of money, no rummaging in Spoiled's closet, no using the pool without permission..."
"Daddy, you tell her the same things every time she stays over." Diamond said with a slight smirk, as she finally hopped off her father's torso to rejoin her bestie. "... And we've only done each of those things once. W-Well, maybe the last one twice, but that was only because Silv dropped her glasses in the water and we had to go in to get them."
"Interesting that Randolph told a completely different story, about the aforementioned spectacles being thrown in there on purpose." Filthy gave a glance of mock suspicion at the guilty pair. "But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for now. Come on then, let's return before I'm so flat out I can't even find the strength to lift a quill tomorrow, let alone sign the contract worth thousands of jobs."
"U-Um, Daddy wait a second." Diamond pointed with her hoof at a shadow hanging just behind her father. "T-There is just one more thing..."
Wondering what the hold-up could be, a confused Filthy turned his head around to discover... an airborne Rainbow Dash only a nose away, complete with a few other well known members of the Wonderbolts.
"Okay, so it looks like the situation is under control now." Rainbow expressed with relief, observing a tuckered-out Spoiled mumbling something about mouldy yoghurt on Filthy's back. "I have to say, I'm impressed. Did you manage to talk your wife down, or did you have to drag her out?"
"Neither of the above, actually." Filthy remarked casually, as he nodded his head in a certain grey filly's direction. "It was all Silver Spoon's doing, funnily enough. 'Out of the mouths of babes', eh?"
You could've knocked Rainbow down with a feather at that particular moment, and she hovered slack-jawed as the rest of her colleagues couldn't hide their mirth.
"It looks like that tiny brave Earth Pony managed to do what you couldn't, Crash." Spitfire commented with undisguised amusement. "It's a shame she doesn't have wings, or maybe we'd have offered her your spot on the team. We could've called her 'Silver Streak'! "
"S-Shut up, Captain..." Rainbow directed her ire at the pegasus with the flaming red fur. " ...Unless you want me to tell everypony your 'secret' nickname during basic training! You know, the super-embarrassing one!"
Dash was kidding around of course, but Spitfire obviously didn't think so, and her cheeks turned almost the same colour as the rest of her. "D-Don't you dare! I told you that in the strictest confidence one night after work hours, and it was never to be repeated. Come here this instant, so I can remind you of that fact!"
Then the hugely profession body known as the Wonderbolts, known for their unstinting commitment to upholding only the highest of standards in and out of uniform, seemed to descend into what can only be described as a public brawl. There was a grinning Rainbow being chased through the sky in circles by an irate Spitfire, whilst their other compatriots cheered and hooted their support for whosoever they thought deserved it the most. What an unedifying spectacle.
After witnessing around a minute of this absorbing show, Filthy decided that maybe there could be a better use of their time. "Come on you two, it's time we left." He suggested to his filly companions, who were getting neckache just trying to keep up with proceedings. "Spoiled's drool is starting to stick to my coat, and judging by her weight, I'm not sure that new diet she put herself on is exactly working out."
"O-Okay, Daddy." Diamond reluctantly left the fun up above behind, as she trained her eyes back onto the ground. " 'Sides, if me and Silv are going to finish off a pillow fort before bedtime, we'll have to make a start now."
"That's my girl!" Filthy acknowledged his daughter's cooperation, before noticing Silver still had her gaze glued to the action upwards. "Well, are you coming? We tend not to accept housecalls by eight, you know. No exceptions."
"S-She called me brave. Spitfire, of the W-Wonderbolts..." Silver seemed somewhat starstruck at this moment in time, all outside distractions completely ignored. "I wonder, if I asked nicely, I could get some kind of medal..."
"Hey Silv, have you taken root there? Can we get going please, after all, the battlements aren't going to construct themselves." Diamond was beginning to get impatient, and her voice started to take on a 'no nonsense' kind of tone.
"U-Ulp! Yes Di!" The pink filly's stern words seemed to have the desired effect, as Silver instantaneously quit her daydreaming to gallop and meet the rapidly vanishing trio of Rich's.
Although, her fervent dreams of an illustrious award and lavish after-ceremony afterwards lingered on.
............................................
"W-Why do you have to live so far away? I-I'm exhausted. Phew." Silver Spoon gasped, as though it was Diamond's fault her mansion was located on the other side of Ponyville.
"Well, if you hadn't been following us around like a sneaky snooper for the best part of the day, you wouldn't be so tired right now!" Diamond chided her friend in response, annoyed by her perpetual moaning.
"H-Hey, no fair!" Silver stopped momentarily to catch her breath. "I saw you hitch a ride on Mr Rich for most of the way to the spa! And I had just as much a run-out at that soccer game earlier as you!"
"I wouldn't exactly compare being a star striker to playing in goal, as regards covering the same ground!" Diamond spun around to face the grey filly, a look of triumph evident on her face. "...Unless you count all the occasions you had to pick the ball out of the net, due to my inspirational centre forward play!
"One goal, Di. You scored one goal!" Silver reminded her 'forgetful' friend through gritted teeth. "...And I'm pretty sure even that took a deflection off Truffle's tummy on the way in."
"Pff, sounds like a lame excuse to me!" Diamond retorted, almost egging Silver on. "And we both know I would've scored many more goals if Mother hadn't hit the dirt. Possibly even a cat-trick."
"That's a hat-trick, not a cat-trick!" Silver buried her head in her hooves at Diamond's faux pas. "Maybe you're getting it mixed up with 'The Great And Accident-Prone' Trixie's magic act at the last school charity show, when she made Opal 'disappear'. Poor kitty, fancy spending three days up Zecora's chimney like that! She really needs to work on those transportation spells..."
But Diamond wasn't listening, her attention had been taken away for a moment by her father staring into the distance. "E-Er Daddy, what are you doing? Weren't you the one who said you wanted to get home as soon as possible?"
"Oh, sorry sweetheart!" Filthy apologised, and now Diamond noticed he was positioned directly over a grand view of Sweet Apple Acres. "I was just wondering what my grandparents would've made of this situation. Stinkin' Rich always preferred Spoiled just after we met, while Impossibly Rich certainly liked my future wife more after her 'transformation'. In some ways, we're all to blame for the tragic circumstance she finds herself in now. So much pressure, at such a young age, to go from rags to 'riches' like that, pun not intended. No wonder things didn't exactly turn out as we planned..."
Unfortunately, as inquisitive as Diamond was to discover just what her father meant by these newfound cryptic revelations, her curiosity was going to have to wait.
For at that exact second, Spoiled snapped awake to sniff the air enthusiastically, whilst hopping off of Filthy in the same motion.
"That smell! That bootiful smell! It can only be... a farmyard nearby, cows 'n' all! Finally, somethin' in this weird dream aye can appreciate! Thanking ya, O great and powerful spirit, for leading me 'ome! Now, everythin' can make a lick o' sense again, and me parents won't 'ave to form a search party to find me! Well, off aye go! All the best to ya, whatever ya name might be!"
And with an unexpected energy boost, Spoiled ran at full pelt towards the Apple's farm, at the kind of speed usually reserved for racetracks. Or Pinkie pursuing somepony who'd dared break one of her patented promises.
In the meantime, all the hapless multi-generational ponies left behind to choke on her dust could manage was an ominous uh oh in close unison, before speeding off to try and prevent any more disasters that fateful day.
After everything was taken into consideration, it had been a relatively quiet day on the largest Ponyville farm otherwise known as 'Sweet Apple Acres'.
Applejack had just finished bucking the latest crop of tasty-looking fruit produce, and was ready to rest her weary limbs for the night with a very accommodating Winona sprawled panting at her feet.
Big Mac had been to market that day as normal, to sell the remainder of their previous stock and also to scope out the latest prices on local goods. Their fellow traders might look innocent enough, but in a very cutthroat business, you gotta always try to stay one step ahead of the game!
Apple Bloom had come bustin' in from school that afternoon, even more animated than usual. The young Crusader was full of tall tales about local snob Spoiled Rich becoming somepony else via the 'wonders' of amnesia, but Applejack had paid her ramblings little mind back then. Fieldwork required all her concentration after all, and she had no time to immerse herself in the comings and goings of the upper class. Especially that particular mare.
"That's nice dear, you can tell me all about it after you've done your chores." A preoccupied Applejack had told her hyperactive little sister, hoping against hope that by the time Granny Smith had cooked up a sumptuous feast for dinner, all thoughts of gossip regarding the well-to-do would have been extinguished from the filly's excitable mind.
This of course, turned out to be apple-pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking.
"...Then when she came to, it was like she'd flipped her lid! She spoke with a country accent even I couldn't understand, she was goin' on about some farm in Phillydelphia where she worked... a-and then, uh..."
Apple Bloom shivered slightly at the unpleasant memory, took a long swig of her water (apple juice would've been too excessive, considering the fruit-related food which made up the rest of the menu) to help compose herself, then attempted to finish her sentence to the rest of her rapt listeners around the table.
"S-She hugged me!" The disbelieving filly stated those three words as if confessing in front of a therapy group. "I-I mean, at first I thought she was trying to choke me instead, but of course that weren't true. Not in front of so many witnesses, anyways."
"Aww, what's so unlikely 'bout my little Bloom being cuddled by other ponies? You're as cute as a parasprite dipped in apple jam, so you are!" Granny Smith would've definitely given her great-granddaughter's cheek the pinching of a lifetime there, if it wasn't for the fact she was mercifully seated just out of tweaking range. "In my day, that was considered normal affectionate behaviour with you young un's! Are ya all so jaded now, that it ain't 'cool' to show your real feelings?"
"N-No, you don't understand, Granny!" Apple Bloom stressed vehemently to her most elderly relation, whilst waving her hooves in the air. "It's just that... well, she hates me! I see it in her eyes whenever I pass her in the corridor, probably on account of her thinkin' that I helped 'steal' Diamond away from her when she turned over a new leaf. The faked documents today she put in me and my friends personal file to get us in trouble just confirmed what I already knew..."
"What did you just say?!" An irate Applejack had gone from taking a casual interest in the conversation to becoming fully involved in an instant. "That prissy bitc... who does she think she is, tryin' to frame my little sister and her chums for something they never did? Sweetheart, you know I said from now on I'd let you fight your own battles, but that stuck-up head of the school board has gone too far this time, messin' with our family! First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna walk with you to Miss Cheerilee's class, and we'll sort this situation out once and for..."
"It's okay Applejack, she got her just desserts, kinda. She was so outta her head when that ball walloped her, she led us right to the evidence in her office... and now she's 'suspended indefinitely'!" Apple Bloom grinned reassuringly at her always protective sibling, having no wish to cause an unnecessary scene in her classroom. "Speakin' of desserts, when you went and stood up like that all of a sudden at the table, you just knocked yours onto the floor. And I don't think Winona really liked bein' covered in it."
"H-Huh? Oops, sorry girl!" Whilst Applejack apologised profusely to a whining canine who's sticky fur was now coated with the remains of smushed apple turnover, it was now Big Mac's turn to have his say on the subject. And it was just as long and drawn-out as you'd expect.
"If you say it's alright, we'll take you at your word, Apple Bloom. Now everypony, let's dig in!" The large stallion loved his crusading sister just as much as Applejack, but perhaps was slightly more levelheaded regarding the avoidance of making a crisis out of a drama.
"You're darn tootin', sonny boy! That's the best idea I've heard since the one I just formulated 'bout bringin' Winona's weekly bathtime forward to tonight!" Granny Smith winked towards a fuming Applejack at this juncture, with both knowing how the frisky dog struggled like a greased hog under a heap of suds. "Eat up y'all! I didn't choose to spend all day slavin' away in a steamed-up kitchen for the good of my health, ya know! Not that I look a day over sixty, naturally."
All Apples present laughed at that last comment, as it never ceased to amaze them just how spry the active pensioner remained, despite her ever-advancing years. They were just about to take her up on her kind invitation too, when Winona suddenly went from feeling sorry for herself to sniffing the air curiously in a second, before a low growl began emanating from her throat.
Upon hearing this ominous sound, all those gathered around the table stopped what they were doing to gaze at the agitated hound curiously. She wasn't known to make a fuss over nothing, so whatever she'd detected with her acute senses must have seriously riled her up.
"What's up, girl? Somethin' on your mind?" Applejack attempted to scratch her beloved pet's chin, but the alert dog inched away from her hoof for once, too anxious right now for such a gesture to work.
"Y-Ya don't think it's poachers, do ya?" Apple Bloom had read about these disreputable livestock nabbers in a history book somewhere, and was now worried she'd meet them muzzle-to-muzzle.
"Nonsense, dear! There hasn't that sort of malarkey for so long, not even I can remember when it last happened! Somethin's definitely got Winona all antsy in her pants, though..." Granny Smith once more gave everypony the benefit of her experience, but even she was stumped as to what could be causing the tension.
"Better go an' check it out, I s'pose. Shame to let our food get cold, but better safe than sorry." Big Mac made sure he had the last say for a change, whilst signalling with his head that maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea for each Apple to arm themselves before investigating.
Just as a precaution, of course.
.......................................
And so it was that our intrepid band of merry farmers took their makeshift weapons outside, following a nose-to-the-ground Winona all the way.
Applejack and Big Mac made very sure that their little sister stayed closely tucked in behind them, but had a little more trouble restraining an eager Granny Smith from rushing on ahead to 'beat the ever-lovin' tar out of the blinkin' trespassers', as she so eloquently put it.
The reason for their current tenseness was that if somepony had decided to wander onto their property after hours, it probably wasn't anypony in town Winona knew. The loyal dog had memorised hundreds of familiar scents after all, so for this particular smell to cause her such obvious consternation, it had to be either a) a total stranger or b) somepony local of ill intent.
And seeing as Ponyville was generally known as 'The Friendliest Little Town In Equestria' (twelve years in a row, and they even have the rosettes to prove it) all wise bets were currently on a).
"Do ya hear anything, anything at all?" Applejack whispered urgently to her brother, spade firmly in hoof.
"Nope." Big Mac had just reverted back to his usual uncommunicative self, as he gripped his spare plank with grim determination.
"I-I sure hope it was jest a false alarm..." A butter knife-wielding Apple Bloom had only been allowed to tag along because it was judged too dangerous to leave her on her own. For her or the potential intruder though, that is the question.
"I'm positive it were just some stray mutt doin' the rounds of the neigh-bourhood. Sorry girl, you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow to sniff 'er fanny." Granny Smith, clutching her favourite frying pan, had just produced a vaguely plausible explanation for the canine's unrest. "Come on everypony, there ain't nuffink out here but darkness and damp. Let's go back inside, light the fire and forget we ever went on this wild horse chase, shall we?"
But just as everypony seemed comforted by the elderly matriarch's dismissal of their fears and was on the verge of giving up their fruitless (pun not intended) pursuit, something happened that changed everything.
First of all, a catchy tune was carried along by the cool breeze to their pricked ears, and the lyrics went something like 'Eight Mares A-Milking'. Nopony there recognised it straightaway, although Granny Smith began having a smidgen of deja vu...
Then, without any further warning, Winona took it upon herself to dash off into the distance, snarling all the way. Caught completely by surprise, it took a few seconds for the retinue of ponies behind her to gather their wits, and by then the aggravated animal was long gone.
"W-Where was she headed?!" A frantic Applejack demanded answers immediately, gravely fearing for the safety of her canine companion.
"T-To the cowshed, I think!" Being the one lowest to the ground, Apple Bloom had been the pony who'd seen the petulant dog slip through a crack into the old wooden structure.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get after her!!" Big Mac seemed to be using the big occasion to display more articulation than normal, overshadowing an uncharacteristically pensive Granny Smith. She still seemed to be carefully mulling over the song she'd just heard...
Regardless, all the Apples wasted no more time in dashing to the front of the shed in which resided their small assortment of milk-producing bovines, ready to take on whatever danger might lay ahead...
As a family.
..........................................
The strange sight that greeted the quartet of flustered farmers upon arrival however, wasn't quite what any of them had anticipated.
In fact, it was such an unbelievable sight that each one dropped their improvised weapons in quick order, quite unsure how to react to what their widened eye sockets were currently observing.
For instead of a dastardly criminal, there in the mud and muck wearing his best suit stood their reliable business partner of many years Filthy Rich, the most sheepish of expressions decorating his usually stoic features. Loitering nearby was his daughter and her best friend who seemed equally embarrassed to be there, but the real star attraction sat on a stool underneath a cow whilst humming the melodic ditty they'd heard outside.
"Well, top of the evenin' to y'all! Luvverly pooch ya got 'ere!" A very naked Spoiled Milk offered an effusive greeting, whilst rhythmically squeezing each udder in turn to get the best possible output of white fluid into a tin pail. "Aye saw ya charmin' lickle 'omestead from yonder hill there, and it be too dark for me to be findin' me way back to me shack at such a late hour. Mind if aye be takin' a liberty by kippin' 'ere tonight? Aye promise to be up an' gone at the crack o'dawn, and in the meantime aye can be helpin' 'round the place for your generousness. For all me sins, aye be a pretty wizard milker, as I'm sure old Esmerelda 'ere would agree!"
Amongst all the looks of disbelief between the Apples (even Winona looked somewhat confused now) upon hearing this manner of talk from the very last pony they'd expect it from, and the subtle mouthing of 'we can explain' from the visiting Rich's and associated company, two reactions were slightly different from the rest.
First, there was Granny Smith's. Her right eyebrow was raised as high as it could possibly go and she crossed her hooves, her wrinkled face cast into an unreadable expression.
Then there was young Apple Bloom, who took this opportunity to turn to her other family members and remind them of their earlier disinterest in what was now apparently an incident which'd escalated way beyond the boundaries of Ponyville Elementary.
"... So basically, that's the whole story. We're so sorry to intrude on your property after sundown, but we had to keep tabs on my wife here. Otherwise, what's already happened at the school, boutique and spa today could very well occur all over town. Spoiled is a law unto herself at the best of times, but ever since her regression to her old self, her confused state has led to destruction and bedlam everywhere. If I can just get her home and into bed, she can be properly treated and they'll be no more incidents like the mini-rampages today. I-I hope you understand. Just as a gesture of goodwill, I'll order double, no, triple my usual supplies from you this week. You know, to make up for the inconvenience..."
Filthy Rich was doing his utmost to explain the current predicament to a nonplussed Big Mac and Applejack, whilst a deep-in-thought Granny Smith continued to brood in the corner. Whatever quandary was on the matriarch's mind kept her uncharacteristically quiet... but as anyone who knew her zest would tell you, this probably wouldn't last for long.
Meanwhile in the cattle area, Spoiled Milk had somehow managed to transfix the watching children with her previously unheralded skill at the udder. Each minute squeeze and heavy press of the engorged pink organ seemed to bring out even more milk than before, and the irony behind the identity of this most unlikely of milkmaids didn't fail to escape the attention of one Apple Bloom.
"I can hardly believe this is yer mom we're seein' now!" She told an equally incredulous Diamond Tiara. "Our cow ain't produced that much milk so quickly in all the time I've known her! After tonight, we'll have enough of the stuff to last us for about a thousand breakfasts! If she never goes back to bein' Mrs Rich again, yer can be sure she'll always have a job goin' for her here! We can't pay much, but she can have any bruised produce that don't make the grade!"
If that was meant as a joke, Diamond obviously didn't think so, and the pink filly turned to scowl at Apple Bloom. "Hey, don't say that! My mother may not be perfect... i-in fact you could say she's as far removed from that word as is possible. But she's just had a traumatic brain injury, so It's a little rude to mock her when she can't even defend herself. Besides, even though she can be a total pain in the flank sometimes, she's still the only mom I've got. How would you like it if I...erm... o-oh gosh, I just remembered. S-Sorry for bringing this up, I-I guess some ponies really do have it worse off..."
Seeing Apple Bloom look downcast at the strawy ground, and Diamond struggling to apologise for her unfortunate faux pas there, Silver Spoon realised it was her time to shine once more. Removing her glasses momentarily to professionally polish them, as soon as she put them back on her built-in 'peacekeeper' mode kicked into function. It was a thankless job at the best of times, but somepony had to do it.
"Listen, I don't know about you two, but the very idea of somepony having an alternate personality tucked away in the back of their mind fascinates me." Silver's eyes seemed to gleam at that moment, as she used her obvious interest in Spoiled's situation to distract away from any possible brewing resentment between her friends. "I wouldn't mind having a few words with the 'subject', if it's not too much trouble. Who knows, maybe somepony will do a paper on this one day, and that pony will be me, and onto a full college scholarship I go! Oops, getting a bit ahead of myself there..."
Silver's timely intervention there had prevented any further bad blood being spilt between Diamond and Apple Bloom, and instead both looked at each other with concern at what they'd just heard from the studious grey filly.
"Er, are you sure about this Silv?" After all she'd been through that day chasing after a manic Spoiled, Diamond was understandably reluctant in doing anything which could trigger her again. "Perhaps it's best to leave her be for now."
"Yeah, I agree with Diamond." Apple Bloom nodded her head in solidarity with her pink friend, all potential discord between the pair now long since forgotten. "You do realise if the farm gets all messed up, it'll be yours truly who'll end up on clean-up duty? No thank you... I'd rather eat my sister's spare stetson."
Silver Spoon's rolled her eyes at the dual objections from her peers, and chided them both. "Look, it'll be fine, okay? We just have to be very careful. Luckily, I happen to be an expert at that. Watch and learn, foals."
Then without further ado, the determined youngster took the few short steps forward to communicate with a very preoccupied Spoiled Milk. In fact, so much was the mare's laser-like focus on her task, she hadn't looked away for a second, despite being by far the main topic of conversation all around her.
"So then, Miss Milk is it?" Silver began her introduction by speaking candidly. "I see you like to milk cows. Would you mind telling me where you picked up this skill, and how you became so good at it?"
Silver's inquisitiveness seemed to do the trick in finally getting Spoiled's attention, as the older pony's ear twitched. Turning around slowly but still while manipulating her bovine target's udder, she regarded the grey filly with a mixture of pity and amusement.
"Aintcha ever seen anypony do this 'fore now? Oh, what me be sayin'.... of course ya ain't! Aye can tell from dat posh accent ya be askin' me in alone." Spoiled grinned widely at that point, her expensive dental work acting as an intriguing counterpoint to her countrified demeanour. "In answer to ya question, me ma and pa be teaching me 'ow to pump out the white stuff ever since me was a young 'un. Up every day aye was on that stool milkin' away, 'til me be tall 'nuff to not be needin' one no more. Now aye be the best darn milker 'ooves down in town, though I be sure Miss high-and-mighty Dairy Cream disagrees. Well, she can kiss my rump, so she can... oopsie! Don't go tellin' yer parents aye used that kind of languages, fillies. I jus' a bit disconfubulated right now, dat's all."
Upon hearing this rant, and despite her overriding tension after what'd transpired earlier, Diamond couldn't help but chuckle. Now she was doing something she loved, the older mare had apparently calmed down quite a bit... so maybe it was worth taking the risk to get closer. Along with a shrugging Apple Bloom they ventured forward together, until they were about level with Silver's position.
"Well, bless me soul! If it ain't me pal with the heart-shaped apple on her botty from earlier! How ya doin', me lickle friend? Don't worry... aye won't try to grab ye loike before!" Spoiled greeted a nervous Apple Bloom effervescently, something which surely never would've happened in her previous incarnation as the indomitable (and often abominable) Mrs Rich. "If this be yer farm aye be stayin' at for the night, aye be much in yer debt. Aye promise to clear out as soon as the cock be clearin' his throat, me own place should not be too far aways from 'ere anyways. If ya don't mind me sayin' so though, it be strange to see ya friends with ol' Specs there... and is that Crownie aye spy next to 'er? Where I be hailin' from, the well-to-do steer well clear of us common folk, an' only pop over to buy our goods 'n' stuff. It be good to see the young un's settin' an example to everypony to follow. If only there be more like y'all and me friend with the moneybags on his bum, mebbe there wouldn't be so much trouble 'tween us all. Ah well, such is loife..."
Diamond, Silver and Apple Bloom stared at each other open-mouthed. Not only was this innocent rustic rube blithely milking away the exact opposite of everything Spoiled Rich stood for, it was as if she came from a completely parallel universe altogether. How it could be that they even inhabited the same body was a total mystery, yet Diamond had just heard something interesting in the stream of consciousness that Miss Milk had just uttered. Something she wished to question her further on...
But before she could do that, Spoiled had already formed alternative plans. "Say, ow's 'bout I be givin' ya fillies a quick educatin' in milkin'? It be good for ya rich layabouts to be gettin' yer 'ooves dirt for a change, an' even ol' Ribbon there could always use a few pointers! Who wants to go first? Don't all be crowdin' 'round me at once though... aye might be a expert, but I a bit claustrophysic! Specs... you wanna be givin' it a go first? Aye can sense yer eagerfulness..."
Stunned as they were by the notorious tyrant of the school acting so welcoming and friendly, Silver and Apple Bloom numbly walked up to 'Esmerelda' as if in a trance to participate in this impromptu lesson.
Diamond on the other hoof, had began to progress past the point of astonishment to finding this newfound version of her mom strangely endearing. She's not shouting at me for being nice, she approves of my friends, she's got no ego whatsoever... I know we have to change her back at some point, but I kind of hope mother learns something from Spoiled Milk when she eventually comes to.
"Hey, darling..." A waving Filthy Rich suddenly interrupted the thoughtful filly's musings, and she glanced to the side to listen. "Me and the Apples are going indoors to discuss a few things, okay? I trust you and your friends to look after your mom while I'm gone, seeing as how settled you all are now. Just... don't tell her the truth yet, okay? Like in business, some things need to be approached with a degree of caution and patience. Do you know what I mean, dear?"
"Y-Yes Daddy." Diamond had mixed emotions about her new task, slight trepidation that Spoiled could jump off the deep end again at any moment, but also a bit of pride that her father had tasked her with such an important mission.
"That's my princess. Don't hesitate to come fetch me if anything should come up, okay? Bye for now!" Giving his daughter a firm nod to let her know that he fully believed in her, Filthy exited the cowshed first, followed by Big Mac, Granny Smith then a (quite reluctant) Applejack.
Diamond watched them depart in silence, too much on her mind to fully comprehend her own thoughts. But as she turned back to Spoiled and company, she couldn't help but notice how everypony seemed to be having a good time trying to get all the milk into a tiny pail.
Even Ribbon (aka Apple Bloom) seemed to have lost her perpetual distaste of Spoiled to enjoy subtly nudging the bucket, while Specs (alias Silver Spoon) was laughing out loud at her inaccurate squirting.
Doing her best to keep a giant grin off her face, it was all Crownie (also known as Diamond Tiara) could do to rush forward and get into the spirit of the occasion.
"Me next!"
.........................................
"Are you sure they're gonna be alright in there?" Applejack asked apprehensively, as she carried Winona through her front door. "From what you and my lil sis told me happened earlier, she caused quite the ruckus in town..."
"Oh, don't worry about her!" Filthy attempted to calm his business partner's anxieties with a little wink. "If being around Spoiled Milk has taught me anything, it's that she loves two things. Kids, and farm work. When you combine them, she's as happy as a pig in... well, you know. Anyway, things will be absolutely fine. Besides, I trust my daughter implicitly if anything unexpected should come up. Now then, shall we talk about..."
"Later." Granny Smith finally broke her vow of silence to raise one hoof. "First, I gotta say something to yer 'bout your wife. Yer see, I knew her quite well 'fore... hey, Big Mac! Be a darl and close that door, would yer? This ain't for pryin' ears to hear, not yet, anyhows."
"Yup." Came the simple reply from the large stallion, and the door was firmly shut.
