Twilight glared and stomped her hoof. "You heard us, we're going on strike!" She announced, followed by nods of a agreement from her five friends.
"Yeah! We're tired of having to deal with your problems!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed with annoyance as she crossed her forelegs.
"How come we have to drop everything we're doing just to sort out yer mistakes that ya made thousands of years ago? We got jobs and responsibilities y'know?" Applejack spoke with a more restrained but firm tone.
"Applejack has her farm, Fluttershy has her animals, Pinkie has Sugar Cube Corner and the Cake twins, and I have multiple boutiques to manage, not to mention raising my little sister because my parents are too busy going on constant vacations to actually look after her." Rarity explained with her usual fabulous sass.
"I've missed so many parties from having to make up for the work I missed and because I was dragged away on multiple ponies birthdays! Most of which were colts amd fillies that were really looking forward to my parties!" Pinkie yelled in anger, steam shooting out of her ears comically.
"I have to help out at the local vet and take care of hundreds of my own animals, I can't just keep leaving them to solve the problems of ponies I don't even know." Fluttershy explained softly, but was giving Celestia a free sample of The Stare. "There's nopony in Ponyville that knows how to take care of so many different types of animals, there's no pony I can ask to take care of them all while I'm gone."
Twilight stepped forward and looked the wide eyed Celestia right in the face. "Princess, while I agree that friendship is important and should be felt by everypony, we have other responsibilities that come before other's petty disagreements. We'll have a list of changes ready by the end of the week, also, you can keep this." She said with all the professionalism she could muster as she flashed her horn and the map table appeared beside her. "It's just annoying at this point, I've cast a spell that will prevent it from calling us via our cutie marks or Spike's scales. Good day to you Princess Celestia." Twilight finished before teleporting herself and the others back to Ponyville.
Celestia stood frozen with her mouth hanging open, trying to process what had just happened. A guard that had seen everything walked up to his princess and poked her side to gently bring her back to reality.
"Um, your highness? Are you ok?" He asked with concern, earning no response. Another guard walked to his friend's side and thought for a moment.
"Hold on, I've got an idea." The other gaurd said before pulling a plate with a small slice of strawberry cheesecake on it from out of nowhere.
"Where did you..."
"Me and a few of the guards make sure to have emergency cake hidden around the castle for cases like this." The gaurd explained as he held the cake up to Celestia's snout and waved it around slowly, but earned no response. "Huh, that usually works."
"What now?"
"Hold on, I got an idea that will probably get me fired but will be worth it." The gaurd muttered while tossing the cake over his shoulder and walking around the princess until he stood behind her.
The other gaurd began to grow increasingly concerned. "Bro, what are you thinking?"
"That I'll be one of the few stallions to say that I smacked a sun goddess's fat flank." The gaurd replied with a smirk as he got up onto his hind legs and delivered a powerful smack to Celestia's big sun covered ass cheek.
"DUDE WHAT THE TARTARUS IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" The first gaurd cried out in panic.
"What? Like you've never wanted to try something with this literal god-like plot before."
"You have a wife dude!"
"Eh details."
Celestia blinked and shook herself. "Wh-What just happened?"
The guard who delivered the smack attack on Celestia's back crack moved to stand in front of his ruler with a neutral expression. "You were frozen in shock after hearing that Princess Twilight and her group were going on strike, we couldn't get you back to reality with cake so I slapped your rear, your highness."
"It's like you want to get fired and/or divorced..." The other gaurd commented while slowly shaking his head in disapproval.
Celestia blushed slightly as she rubbed her flank with her wing. "Oh, r-right." Clearing her throat, Celestia turned around and headed to her throne. "While this situation is being dealt with, I will need to find temporary defenders of Equestria to solve friendship problems and deal with any threats that pop up in the meantime."
"Wait why not just deal with the threats yourself or with Princess Luna?" The gaurd that didn't put a bright red hoofprint on his ruler's backside asked.
"You remember what happened at the changeling invasion?" Celestia countered with a dry tone.
"Ahhhh, I get it now."
"It's because she's too weak." The smirking guard spoke with a joking tone.
"Dude, seriously? Come on."
"What, it's true."
"He's right, while my magic is powerful I alone cannot compare to the power of my former student and her friends." Celestia explained. "Now, you there, fetch me some scrolls and mana stones, I have an idea that just might work." She said while pointing to the sensible guard.
"Right away Princess." He saluted before galloping off to fulfill his request.
Celestia then turned her attention to the other guard. "And you, have a message sent to Anonymous in Ponyville. And...come by my quarters after your shift ends."
"Sweet."
The next day in Ponyville
After completing his usual shit, shower and shave morning ritual, Anonymous sat down in his living room with a bowl of Apple Jacks. After finishing off his cereal that he teased Applejack to no end with, he set his bowl down on his coffee table and picked up a newspaper, with the front page showing an article about the mane six's strike. "Huh, so all that bitching for the past few days wasn't just their cycles syncing up." He mused while taking a sip from his coffee. "Tastes like shit." He muttered before taking another sip.
As he was reading everyone's favourite muffin mare crashed through his roof with a loud thud. Dusting herself off, Derpy happily skipped over to Anon and set his mail down on his table before leaving through the new hole in his roof.
"And they laughed when I took out that mailmare insurance deal." He muttered idly as he set his newspaper down and looked through his mail. "Bill, bill, Playmare magazine, bill, bill, Royal Summons, Aloe and Lotus 'special treatment' ad, bil- wait." He stopped himself and threw all the bills over his shoulder and looked at the ad, the magazine and the summons. "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things will drive me up the wall."
Putting the two other interesting pieces aside for later, Anon broke the seal on the envelope and pulled out the letter within.
"Dear Anonymous T. Human, I request your presence in Canterlot as soon as possible as I have something of the utmost importance to discuss with you. I have supplied the bits for your train ticket within the envelope as to not cause you inconvenience, and if you could do me a solid and cut down on the sass and sarcasm this time that would help tremendously. Sincerely, Princess Celestia." Anon whispered to himself as he read the letter aloud. Sighing and putting the letter down, he got out of his seat and walked over to a small white board on his wall that read "Days without dealing with pony bullshit: 3" on it.
Anon wiped the three off of the board and replaced it with a zero.
"And here I was, with the false hope of a normal week in this land of weird colourful ponies. Well, lets go see what Queen Cheesecake wants." He spoke aloud again as he walked off to his room to prepare for his trip. "Maybe I should look for a roommate so I don't talk to myself as much. Eh, I'm good company."
One train ride later
Anon stepped out of the Canterlot train station and looked out at the the streets of the city, they castle looming over the buildings that surrounded it. "Ah Canterlot, the city with the most obscure horse pun name in all Equestria."
"Hello there Anonymous, we are here to escort you to the castle." Anon jumped slightly before turning to see who had spoken, finding two guards, one with a smirk on his face while the other was clearly not impressed by something.
"Sorry guys but I don't swing that wa- OW!" Anon's quip was cut off as the smirking guard whacked him on the head with a bambo stick he pulled out of nowhere. "What was that for?!"
"The princess gave me this to stop you from being, in your terms, 'a cheeky little shit' as her majesty put it." The smirking guard explained with a chuckle.
"He's been waiting to say that to you since he got that damned stick." The other guard groaned.
Rubbing the sore spot in his forehead, Anon groaned and shook his head. "Alright alright, I was gonna cut down on my crap when I got there anyway, you don't need to use positive punishment on me for Christ's sake." Sighing, Anon took in a breath and motioned for the two guards to lead the way. The trio walked through the streets towards the castle in relative silence, mostly because Anon didn't want to be hit by the prick with the stick again, brought up too many memories of Catholic school. "Why are you two even escorting me anyway? I know the way."
"The princess wants to avoid another 'Pancake Incident.'" The sensible guard stated. I really need to name these two.
"Ahhh, I gotcha."
"Miss Pennyworth is still finding syrup in places..." The guard muttered with a haunting thousand yard stare.
"So many dead butterflies..." The guard with the stick whispered while shivering.
"It all happened so fast..." Anon added with a low tone. "I still have nightmares about the unicycle..."
The three shivered and quickened their pace towards the castle.
Inside the throne room, Celestia looked around at a set of machines being set up by her royal mages, happily ticking things off a list as she inspected each magical device. "Looks like everything is good to go, I just need to get Anonymous to agree to this and then we can begin." She stated calmly as she walked to the centre of the room.
"Um, Princess, if you don't mind me asking, how are you going to get the human to agree to this?" Celestia's assistant Raven Inkwell asked with concern. "He seems like the type of pony to not want anything to do with this kind of thing, much less have a main role to play in it."
Celestia chuckled and gave her assistant a reassuring look. "Don't worry Raven, I have just the thing to convince Anonymous to go along with my plan."
Raven looked to her employer with uneasiness, unable to imagine what it would take for Anon to go through with this plan willingly.
Suddenly, the door to the throne room opened and the guard with the stick waltzed in with his usual smirk. "Anon has arrived your highness." He announced while walking up to his ruler.
"Thank you Smirky Shield, was he any trouble?" Celestia asked with a giggle.
"Only had to hit him twice ma'am, once at the station and again when he made a comment about Miss Fleur De Lis' flank. He's waiting outside for you with Sergeant Clear Sky."
"Thank you, send them in please."
Smirky nodded and jogged out to fetch the two while Raven shook her head. "This will not end well..."
Anon could only look at Celestia in confusion as she finished explaining her plan to him with a soft smile on her face, acting as if what she had just told him was a normal everyday thing. "So, what do you think?" She asked with hopeful eyes.
Anon blinked and took a moment to collect his thoughts. "So...your plan is to bring different versions of me here, so that we can all do Twilight and company's job while you sort this strike out?" He asked with a tone filled with confusion.
"That is exactly what I plan to do, and is exactly what I just told you thirty seconds ago." Celestia answered with a smile.
Anon took a sip of his tea and placed his hands together before looking Celestia in the eye. "Ok, two questions. Why did you think this was a good idea and what would I even get out of this? I'm not exactly the type of person to go out of my way to help others for no reason, much less random strangers half way across the damn country."
Celestia just smiled knowingly and pulled out a scroll, sliding it over to the confused human. "This should answer the second question."
Raising a brow, Anon lifted the scroll and carefully read what was written, his eyes widening as he read further through the parchment. Rolling the scroll up again after finishing it, Anon set it to the side and looked to the alicorn in surprise. "You...you can seriously do that?"
"You have my word." Celestia replied with a soft smile while setting down her cup. "Now, about your first question. You may not be the most selfless person in the world, but you still have qualities that make you, and your counterparts, perfect for the job."
"What qualities exactly? The only things I can think of are sarcasm and sexual frustration."
Celestia rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I wouldn't call one of those a quality, rather an...unfortunate case for any females around you."
"Which? The sarcasm or the sexual frustration?"
"Knowing you it might very well be both."
"I'll have you know that many women on my planet found my sarcasm charming."
Celestia rolled her eyes and cleared her throat before continuing, and placing a magic seal on Anon's mouth so he couldn't interrupt her with his sass. "As I was saying, you have many qualities that you seem to not like to show or even acknowledge...at least I'm pretty sure."
Anon just gave Celestia as disappointed stare while slowly shaking his head.
"What is that look for?"
Anon raised his brow with an unimpressed look on his face.
"What?"
The condescending brow goes higher.
"Ok fine I haven't thought this all through, I'm banking on luck here." The incompetent sun goddess admitted while undoing the seal on the human's lips.
"Could have just said you were winging it, it's what you've been doing for years from what Discord has told me."
Celestia rubbed her temples while taking in a breath. "I'm just going to be direct here, can you please help me with this until I can either get Twilight and her friends back or find more suitable replacements?"
"If I say no Smirky is just gonna keep hitting me with the stick isn't he?"
"If he feels like it, which he most likely does, he might even try to spank you with it." Celestia answered while concealing a small blush.
Anon sighed and gave a slow nod. "Alright Tia, I'll help you out, as your friend and because of what I'm gonna get out of it."
Celestia smiled softly and placed her hoof on Anon's hand. "Thank you Anon, I know this is a lot to ask of you."
"Meh, it'll be interesting to say the least, will be fun and/or terrifying to see what my other selves look like." Anon muttered as he let his imagination run wild.
With a flash of her horn, the table was cleared and they were teleported back to the throne room where Smirky Sheild was currently laughing his ass off over Clear Sky's reaction to something he had said. Clear was currently covering his ears with his hooves while yelling "Too much information!" over and over again.
"What's going on here?" Celestia asked as she and Anon approached the pair of guards with curious expressions.
Smirky managed to cease his laughter for a moment as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I was, I was just giving the Sergeant here a very in depth description of a certain activity that I and a certain political figure enjoyed together last night." He managed to speak out before bursting out in violent laughter after seeing the blush on Celestia's face.
"So many mental images....so many things I can never unknow...." Clear whimpered as he curled up on the floor.
Celestia shook herself and glared at Smirky. "Well, maybe you'd like to clean the stallion's lavatories with a toothbrush for the next three weeks."
Smirky immediately silenced himself and stood straight with a salute. "I'm sorry your highness, I got carried away."
"You're not getting out of this with just an apology, it's either clean the bathrooms with the toothbrush, or do that certain 'activity' with my sister." Celestia replied with a cheeky grin.
Both guards gasped and clutched in between their back legs protectively. "You can't make me do that! No stallion has ever came out of making love with Princess Luna with their pelvises intact! I'm taking the damn cleaning duty!" Smirky almost screamed before Celestia summoned a tooth brush with her magic, which Smirky snatched out of the air and bolted out of the room at such a high speed it would probably make Rainbow Dash feel tingly feelings down below.
Anon chuckled at the scene that had just played before him while patting Celestia on the back. "Start with a classic punishment then work up to an extreme, nicely done."
"I got inspired by some of those military movies you showed Luna and I in your dreams, I'm pretty sure a lot of the high ranking officers are finding good uses for those rather humorous punishments." Celestia giggled as she turned to Clear Sky who was still clutching his crotch protectively. "At ease Sergeant, I wasn't being serious, and you wouldn't have received the punishment anyway since you haven't done anything wrong."
"I know Princess it's just....not pleasant to think about...." Clear muttered as he let go of his jewels and shook the thoughts from his head.
"Is sex with Luna really that intense?" Anon asked with a chuckle.
Celestia giggled and nodded. "My sister can be very...enthusiastic when it comes to mating and loses control."
"Note to self, never fuck moon horse." Anon muttered in response, not wishing for his family jewels to be crushed under mighty moon princess pussy, no matter how sexy her ass looked.
...
'One of these other versions of me better be a fuckin woman because I am starting to loose my mind...'
"Well, shall we get started?" Celestia asked excitedly while walking towards the various machines the mages had set up for her. "I'm excited to see into other worlds, and to see if any of the other versions of you are nicer company." She finished with a laugh while Anon flipped her the double bird.
"If there's one thing that's gonna be consistent between us, it's gonna be the constant back talking, so don't get your hopes up Tia."
"That may the case, it may not, why don't we find out for sure? Are you ready to begin?" With a giddy laugh, Celestia set her huge white globes on the floor in the middle of all that machines, patting the spot beside her with a hoof expectantly.
Shrugging, Anon walked to Celestia's side and looked to the machines, not bothering to ask how they work because he knew it would be a bunch of magic and science bullshit that he wouldn't understand or care about, instead, he asked another question. "Da fuck do these do then?" He asked with his usual elegance.
"To put it simply, they open portals to other worlds, kind of like the mirror machine Twilight has in her castle."
"Wait she has a portal machine in the castle? Where does it go?" Anon asked with slight interest, although he'd rather not know about most things that involved Purplesmart and her merry band of personality disorders.
"As far as I know, a world filled with humanised versions of all of us." Anon was about to reply with surprise and possible anger at not being told about this, but Celestia shut him up with a raise of her hoof. "Now before you say anything, Twilight already told me what the humans there were like. Extremely skinny, large heads and eyes, ungodly amounts of hair and huge legs. I already gathered from your many rants about your 'anime' that you don't particularly like females with unnatural proportions, so we didn't let you know until now."
Anon rolled the thought around in his head and then rolled his eyes. "Yeah...doesn't sound like my shot of whiskey, would have been nice to know that there was access to a somewhat human world though."
"Well, we also don't know if it would turn you into a pony if you went through or not." Sunnybuns added with a chuckle.
"Yeah I'd rather avoid that kinda risk, even if I did get a horse sized dong."
Rolling her eyes, Celestia focused her magic on the machines. After a few seconds multiple gears and pistons started to move on the various mirror portals and the glass on each began to glow softly. On one of the mirrors, an image started to appear. "Alright, lets have a look and decide wherever we should have them join or not."
The two stood in front of the mirror and watched as the image became clearer, revealing a man who looked similar to Anon, except with a scar on his left eye and dressed in a large black coat and cap. "Well...he looks like he's fun at parties."
"Apparently, from what I can tell, this is a version of you that is a lot more...depressingly poetic."
"Edgy me, got it. Eh, he honestly doesn't seem so bad, put him on the maybe I guess." Anon spoke with monotone as he watched this other version of him talk to himself with some kind of emo monologue as he walked through a rainy street. "A slight maybe."
Celestia nodded and jotted it down on a small clipboard she summoned with her magic. "Alright, lets see what's next."
With that another mirror lit up and displayed an image. This time it showed an Anon dancing through a field of flowers in a tutu while singing a cheesy song about friendship and flowers. "No, hell no."
"He seems nice though."
"If you bring him into this world I'm gonna strangle him, bring Edgy me here and then have him strange him. We're skipping Faggot me." Anon retorted with a stern tone. "My entire shtick is not being happy."
"Alright then picky, we'll skip him." With a flash of her horn, the image faded and another took its place, this time showing an Anon wearing a military uniform taking cover from gunfire. "Well he seems like he could be useful."
"Yeah, Soldier me, he seems good, bring 'im through."
As Celestia was about to cast her spell, a bullet went straight through Soldier Anon's head and he fell to the ground.
Anon and Celestia looked wide eyed as the image faded.
"I...um...." Celestia muttered.
"I...didn't expect to see myself die today..." Anon gasped out.
"Do you um...think we should take a break?" Celestia asked in a concerned voice.
"Yeah...yeah...I think we should..."
Clear Sky slowly walked up to them and pulled out a bag of a mossy green substance. "I think this will help."
"Wait...where did you get weed?" Anon asked as he took the bag from the tiny guard pony.
"I take a few leaves from your garden every once in awhile to help deal with Smirky's stupid antics."
"Well little pony, Princess Sunass, let's get stoned."
"Ugh...how the hell does weed make you feel hungover?" Anon groaned as he slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position on the bed he didn't remember getting into, in a room he didn't recognise and in pyjamas he didn't remember bringing with him. The only things that were familiar to him were the faint stench of smoked kush and the large white mare that lay on the other side of the bed, thankfully a wall of pillows was between them so any lewd considerations for them sharing the same bed were immediately dismissed, and the fact his sexual frustration was still at an all time high. "Good...still haven't stuck my dick in the Sun god horse, that's good at least..." He sighed in relief.
Celestia slowly opened her eyes and stretched herself like an oversized cat, accidentally knocking Anon off the bed when she spread out her wings.
As soon as her wing made contact with the human's face, she retracted both wings and turned around to see what she had hit. "Anonymous? What are you doing in my chambers...and in my bed...wait..." She began before looking back to her flank. After inspecting a few areas she sighed in relief. "Oh thank Faust..."
"Glad to know I'm not the only one of us that is relieved." Anon spoke with irritation as he got to his feet and rubbed where the wing had struck him.
"What? Are my flanks not desirable?" Celestia joked with puppy dog eyes and a pouted lip.
"Nah nah, you've got the fattest ass in the world, I'd just rather avoid going into a hole that countless other tourists have already explored." This earned him another smack from a wing.
Celestia shook away her blush and groaned. "What's wrong with having a frequent sex life?"
"There's a difference between having a frequent sex life and being a slut Tia." Yet another smack from the wing. "Ha! Jokes on you, I'm already becoming numb to this!"
"I could turn your dick inside out instead." Celestia stated with a smirk.
"You know that would only end in disaster for the both of us. I would go full Jack the Ripper on your ass if you did." Anon shot back with an intense glare, only to loose it as received another wing to the face. "Can we please stop abusing the human? I'm barely getting anything with my normal looks, I don't need cuts and bruises making it more difficult."
The back and forth would have continued as both parties had enough sass to fill an Oprah Winfrey audience, but luckily their little hate flirting session was halted as a loud knock at the door caught their attention.
"Who is it?" Celestia asked as she recomposed herself.
"It's Smirky Shield your highness, you two done stroking each other's hate boners yet?" The cheeky little shit asked with a chuckle.
Anons and Celestia rolled their eyes and moved towards the door. "You gonna hit him with your wing or is that a punishment reserved just for my face?"
Celestia answered his question by teleporting Smirky into the room and smacking him through the doors with her wings of karmic justice, causing him to slam into the marble wall with a loud clang.
"Well that's one day to open a door I guess."
Celestia smiled with pride as the two walked out of the room side by side, passing the recovering Smirky and heading towards the dinning hall, the munchies hitting both of them hard.
Clear Sky sat outside the dinning hall as he waited for Smirky to come back with the princess and Anonymous, hoping he wouldn't provoke them in some way, there would be enough to deal with that day without adding Smirky's antics to the mix. Of course his hopes were crushed as he heard a loud clang echo through the halls. "You had one job Smirky..."
He didn't really know why he expected anything else from his partner, of all the ponies he had to be paired with after he graduated from the Royal Gaurd Academy it had to be his annoying childhood... acquaintance. He had complained many times, even begged Celestia and Shining Armour to give him a different partner, but as it turns out, nopony else was willing to deal with Smirky's antics, and Clear was the only one that could even keep him slightly under control. They'd fire Smirky, but they were too scared to see what would happen if he wasn't under constant supervision, even his wife and foals were unhinged, all of which were on the government's watch lists.
So, Clear was stuck with two important jobs, guarding Princess Celestia, and making sure Smirky didn't go too far and potentially set the castle on fire. He's tried, he almost succeeded.
Sighing to himself, he glanced back at the door to the dining room, knowing he would be stuck with a third job, and if his interactions with Anon were anything to go by, this third job would make looking after Smirky seem like a beach side vacation. On that thought, he tried to recall the last time he did have a vacation, he could have vacation days he doesn't know about.
His thoughts were interrupted as he noticed a human hand clicking in front of his face.
"Equis to Clear Sky, you ok there buddy?" Anon asked with a raised brow, tapping the side of the guard pony's helmet.
Clear Sky shook his head and stood straight. "Yeah, yeah, I was just deep in though is all."
"What were you thinking about so intensely?" Celestia asked curiously while looking down to her personal guard.
"Just life stuff, and work stuff. Speaking of which, after we deal with what's behind these doors I want to talk to you about something important."
"What's behind the door?" Anon asked moving towards the doors, only for Clear to block his way.
"Ok, so you remember how the three of us got redonkulously high last night?" The guardspony asked with slight unease.
"What about it?" Celestia and Anon asked together with concerned tones.
"Well... While in our stoned states, we may have selected the other five Anons who are all sitting in the room behind me right now."
Anon and Celestia simultaneously face palmed.
"B-But the good news is that they're at least a bit normal, it's just one or two you may need to keep an eye on."
"Just... open the door Clear..." Anon groaned as he rubbed his temples while Celestia composed herself.
"Yes, open the door please, no use in us prolonging this. The sooner we know what we're dealing with, the better."
Clear nodded and turned to the doors, taking in a breath he pushed them open and stepped to the side. Once Anon and Celestia stepped in their eyes fell on a group of humans and, for some reason, a mare.
One of the humans appeared to be the one that Anon had dubbed "Edgy him" the night before, another seemed to exactly like Anon, except having a far more unhinged look to him. The next appeared to be a female version of Anon, who looked incredibly uncomfortable sitting next to the crazy looking Anon. Next was a human dressed in a badass suit of knight's armour, and lastly was a small green mare with curly black hair and a question mark as a cutie mark.
As Clear closed the door behind the two, all eyes fell on them. The two then awkwardly approached the table that the various Anons were occupying, examining the six newcomers carefully.
"This is so strange seeing so many of you in one place..." Celestia whispered to her human friend.
"How do you think I feel?" Anon whispered back. "At least all of them, save for that one that keeps staring at you intensely, look alright."
"Well let's introduce ourselves." The two reached the table and Celestia gave the humans, and mare, a warm smile. "Hello, I am Princess Celestia, and this is my good friend Anonymous. Before we get into why you were brought here, why don't you all introduce yourselves?"
The female Anon stood up and gave a shy smile. "Hello, my name is also Anonymous, but I prefer to be called Annie."
"Well it beats calling you Femanon at least, nice to meet ya Annie." Anon replied, reaching his hand out for a handshake.
Annie returned the gesture and smiled warmly. "Nice to meet you too, honestly it's really strange seeing a bunch of male versions of myself."
"It's strange just seeing more than one of me in a room." Anon replied with a chuckle. "You seem nice, don't doubt we'll get along."
Annie nodded and sat back down, allowing the Mare to stand up next.
"Names Anonfilly, just don't call me cute and we'll get along fine." She spoke in a warning one, glaring slightly at the one in armour.
"T-Twas an honest mistake! I had no idea you would take offence to my compliments!" The knight announced apologetically with an accent that Anon couldn't exactly put down, the closest he could guess was some kind of old English. "Well, I guess now that the attention has fallen on me, I shall introduce myself next." The knight said while standing up. "I am Sir Anonymous Credo the Third! Tis an honour to be in the presence of royalty." He said while bowing to Celestia.
"There is no need for that Sir Anonymous, you may treat me as a friend." Celestia replied with a warm smile.
"Gotta give you a nickname though, I don't think anyone is gonna want to call you Sir Anonymous all the time." Anon added while scratching his chin.
"Well what do you suggest?"
"How about Knighty?" Annie suggested.
"Not sure many would appreciate it, how about we just call you Knight?" Anon offered while looking to his armoured self.
"This title is acceptable and I shall gladly take it as my own." Knight responded cheerfully.
"I'm still calling him Knighty." Annie muttered with a soft smile.
Anon shrugged. "Alright, you do you... wow that phrase can be taken in such a wrong way given the situation, let's never use it again."
"Agreed." All Anons, except for that unhinged looking one, said in unison.
Next, the one in the black coat stood and looked to Anon. "I believe you have already given me a nickname, Edgy, if I recall. You may call me as such, I do not mind. I do not look forward to whatever it is we must do, but I do not dread it either, as emotions are nothing but-"
"Ok Edgy it is moving swiftly on before this turns into the next Twilight movie. You, you've been quiet all this time, what's up with you?" Anon interrupted as he pointed to the last Anon.
"Who me? Oh I'm just a regular old human, nothing abnormal, I'm just feeling a little pent up is all, you guys here can understand that right?" He spoke with a shaky voice and a grin, his eyes constantly glancing over to Annie, specifically everywhere below her head.
"Ok you're getting the name Horny and you aren't allowed to be near any female without another one of us male Anons keeping you in check, is that clear?" Anon stated while quickly moving around the table and pushing Knight in between Horny and Annie.
"Fine fine, but if I come across a girl that's legal and she consents you can't stop me!'
"Hey if she consents then have at it, but we don't need you sexually harassing every female you see, we don't need restraining orders getting in our way."
"Well, I'll leave you all to eat and to get to know each other, I will have my breakfast elsewhere, have fun now." Celestia announced as she teleported out of the room.
There was a brief silence until Knight came up with a suggestion. "As we wait for our food, how about a merry game of 20 questions?" He asked with his cheery voice.
"That's a pretty good idea." Anon responded with a smile. "Ok, Horny, who's your personal idol or hero?"
Clear Sky watched the group of Anon’s from across the dinning hall, slowly eating away at his hay bacon and eggs, analyzing each of them from afar. “This is bizarre, even by Equestrian standards.” He muttered to himself. “We don’t even know how one alien got here, then we manage to bring five others like him here with just some math and objects that are for some reason magical. Anon is right, this world works in weird ways.”
Before he could try to think of another snarky comment created by being influenced by Anon's way of thinking, a waitress burst into the room with a panicked expression, screaming the same line over and over again. "Get the coffee ready! Princess Luna is handling the day shift again!"
As soon as he heard those words, Clear immediately moved himself and his food to the far end of the hall as to not fall into the sights of a tired moon goddess that hadn't had any coffee after only having, at best, a short nap in the past 24 hours. The best he could do was stay out of his ruler’s way and send a basket of flowers to the family of whoever was unlucky enough to fall in her sights, he hadn’t forgotten what Luna had done during the so-called “Pancake Incident.”
“Those poor butterflies, they never saw it coming.” A shiver ran down Clear’s spine as images of the event flashed in his mind. “Those tourists are still in therapy.”
Soon enough, Clear, the Anons and all the other ponies in the dining hall began to feel the ground shake slightly, loud stomping echoed through the corridors and halls, a sense of dread falling over those with weak wills as the unholy presence approached them. After the stomping grew louder and the shaking became more violent, there was a brief moment of silence before the doors to the dining hall were kicked down, revealing the creature that would cause any eldritch horror to cower in fear for their genitals, even if they didn’t have any.
Princess Luna slowly trudged into the dinning hall with a look of death on her face, her eyes half lidded and bloodshot, her mane now only a tattered mess and her teeth clenched in anger. A maid dashed in and set a large cup of black coffee and a bowl of oats at the larger dining table in the centre of the room and then bolted so fast Rainbow Dash would be impressed. Luna growled like a lion as she approached the drink that was a godsend to many working women in their 30s, warning all to stay out of her way less they suffer her wrath. All ponies in the hall were either shaking with fear or forcing themselves from looking in the Night Princess’s direction to avoid potentially making eye contact with the beast, save for Clear and other high ranking guards who had dealt with this same situation many times before.
“What’s with her?” Anonfilly asked while she watched Luna sit down slowly.
Anon looked over and smirked. “Oh, that’s Princess Luna, she’s just a bit sleep deprived, when she’s like this the guards and staff shit themselves, it’s hilarious. Just stay out of her way and you’ll be fine.”
“What is so terrifying about a sleep deprived princess?” Annie asked while sipping her tea, cringing slightly and smiling as Knight offered her a bowl of sugar cubes to give the tea a better taste. “Thanks Knighty.”
“You are welcome Lady Annie.” Knight replied with his cheery voice before he turned his attention to Luna. “Now, if I were to guess, she is a being of immense power. Being around a powerful entity such as she in such an unhinged state would trigger the survival instincts in any equine.”
“Either that or her brooding presence make sure people uncomfortable....” Edgy added while he played with his switchblade.
Filly turned around and stared at Edgy with a raised eyebrow. “Was that some kind of attempt at self deprecating humour?”
“What do you mean?”
“....you’re trying to mess with me aren’t you?”
“You’ll never know for sure...”
“Oh I’m gonna hate you I’m sure of it.”
“I hate myself, get in line...”
Anon snapped his fingers to earn their attention. “Hey, can we put the hate boners away please? I was trying to explain what we’re all going to be doing before Empress Hot Topic over there barged in.” He complained before ducking to avoid a cup being thrown at him by the disgruntled moon horse.
“DO NOT INSULT ME WHILST I AM THIS TIRED ANONYMOUS THE HUMAN, I CAN END YOU WITH A THOUGHT!!!”
“Love you too Moony.”
“And you told us to put our hate boners away.” Filly teased with a smirk.
“There’s a difference between a hate boner and unresolved sexual tension, not the point, can we get back on track please?”
Horny perked up. “What’s this about sexual tension?”
“Knight, slap him for me please.”
*Smack* “Ow!”
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure fellow Anonymous!” Knight said with a smile under his helmet. “And on the topic of getting back on track, I believe we all understand the basic idea of what we are supposed to do and I don’t believe the constant, humorous banter is going to allow us to move forward with the conversation anyway.”
“Yeah we don’t seem like a group that would just let a serious topic play out without some kind of interruption.” Annie added while she sipped her tea again. “Knighty is right though, we get the jist of it.”
“Yeah, there’s no reason to keep repeating the story.” Filly finished with an annoyed tone.
“Instead of tat boring dribble, how about we discuss living arrangements?” Horny began in a seemingly normal tone, before immediately going back to his creepy voice and smile. “I suggest a six bed dorm room with unisex bathrooms~”
“Oh hell to the fuck no.” Annie and Filly muttered in unison while the scooted further away from Horny.
“Keep talking like that around the girls and we castrate you with Knight’s sword...” Edgy warned in a low voice.
“I’d rather not use my father’s blade for such a terrible act, even if he makes Lady Annie and Miss Filly uncomfortable.” Knight replied in slight disgust.
“How about just punching him in the crotch with your gauntlet?” Anon suggested.
“I’d rather not have my hands anywhere near that cursed thing, how about I break his kneecaps instead?”
“That works too. Anyway, I’m guessing Celestia or one of the personal guards have some kind of plan for that, but in case they don’t I guess you’ll be crashing at my place, some hotel or just be staying here for awhile, won’t really know until we see Tia again.”
Suddenly, Anon and Filly’s chairs were coated in a dark blue aura and spread further apart from each other. Princess Luna walked to the now empty space between the two and chugged down the rest of her coffee before she poofed the mug out of existence. “Ahem...I overheard you talking about living arrangements, and I can confirm that my sister has planned ahead and found a way to accommodate you all.” She began tiredly before she set a scroll down in front of Anon who then unrolled it and began to read it’s contents. “This is an enchanted scroll that will transform your home, there will be no major changes other than an increase in size and the number of rooms.”
“Magic is just forever a force of plot convenience in this place...alright, that’s that sorted anyway, thanks Moony.” Anon replies with a smirk as he pet Luna on the head jokingly.
“How many times must I tell you to address me as Luna or Princess?”
“Yeah I refuse to do that for as long as it keeps irritating you.”
“I can have you thrown into the dungeon just for disrespecting me.”
“I’d be out as soon as Tia got word from Smirky or Clear, or are you just into dungeon play?”
“He wasn’t kidding about the sexual tension.” Annie whispered to Knight who just watched the two in confusion.
“I have never seen a man such as him bicker with a member of royalty in such a manner before, the only explanations I can think of are he is either a jester or has been punished for it so many times that he’s become numb to the consequences.” The armoured Anon muttered to himself while scratching his head. “This world is very strange indeed.”
As the human and alicorn continued their pointless back and forth, Clear spotted Smirky limping into the dinning hall and got to his hooves to meet his partner. “Took you long enough, you’ve pretty much missed the entire show.” He greeted with a smirk as he gestured to the table of morons.
“Aw man....I’ve even missed most of Anon and Princess Luna’s lovers spat.” Smirky sighed with his ears flat against his head in disappointment. “It was gonna be the highlight of today.”
“Oh yeah, Celestia wanted me to remind you that you still have to scrub the washrooms with your own toothbrush, and that you can’t buy a new one for at least a week.” Clear added with a huge grin on his face.
“....you’re enjoying this aren’t you?”
“Oh definitely, this has been a long time comin’ pal.” Clear laughed as he pat his friend on the back. “By the way, there’s something that we need to discuss, it’s kind of important.”
“Look if you’re gonna come out as gay to me I could already te-“ That little quip earned Smirky a bop on the head. “Ow careful I still have a bruise there!”
“Look, while Celestia and Anon where high off their asses yesterday, I saw Celestia write a letter and send it to that purple dragon Princess Twilight hangs around with.”
“So?”
“So, while high off her gigantic flank, I’m pretty sure Celestia absentmindedly sent Princess Twilight a letter about her plan.”
“Ohhh, ok, now I’m catching on. You’re worried that it’s gonna cause trouble for the Anons.”
“Exactly. I just need you to come with me to Ponyville and check what was in that letter, if it’s nothing then we just get back here and you can get to scrubbing urinals all day, but if it contains info on the situation we need to keep the Elements Bearers away from the Anons until they get settled in.”
Smirky nodded and looked over to the table of Anons, where Anon was scratching Luna’s ears to calm her down, and Knight was trying the same thing on Filly with Horny and Annie laughing at the sight of the little tsundere pony reduces to a puppy-like state. “Well it puts off my punishment anyway, just let me stop by my home and let my wife know that I’ll probably be home late.”
“Oh yeah, how’d she react when you told her you bedded Celestia?”
“She laughed and then bragged about bedding Blueblood at some point.”
“You two were made for each other...”
“Probably, I mean my dick fits her like a gl-“
“Ok shut up I don’t need to hear it.”
Meanwhile in Ponyville
Twilight’s eye twitched as she read the scroll that had arrived for her the previous night, Spike sitting beside her waiting to either send a response letter or to fetch something to calm his surrogate mother/sister down if she had one of her freak outs.
“This is her plan?! Have a bunch of morons run around doing our job instead of negotiating with us?!”
“Um...she did say it was temporary, just until she sorted things out with all of you.” Spike pointed out with a nervous chuckle.
“I know that Spike, but she could have just used all that time and effort bringing the other Anon’s here to work out some kind of negotiation plan or something more practical! This is just stupid even for her!”
“Says the Princess of Friendship who has gone on strike for having to deal with friendship problems.”
“You’ve been hanging around Anon too much.”
“Everypony has apparently. Anyway, what are you gonna do?” Spike asked with both curiosity and nervousness, worried that she would do something rash.
“I’m going to confront Anon when he gets back and give him a piece of my mind.” Twilight answered with determination and a proud smile on her face.
Meanwhile, Starlight and Trixie stood outside of the room, listening in through the door.
“This should be fun.” Trixie giggles while looking to her totally platonic friend.
“I’ll get the popcorn ready.” Starlight almost sang out as they both hurried off to prepare for the eventual entertaining shit show.
The five humans and mare stood outside the small two story building that Anon called his home. “Alright, before we do the magic stuff that makes this place big enough for all of us, let me get my shit out first. Knight, can you help lift some heavy stuff?” Anon states before walking inside.
“Why of course!” The cheerful seven foot tall Knight replied as he followed his friend inside.
As Anon came out carrying a box full of electronics and Knight followed carrying a sound system, Annie spoke up. “Why are you bringing all this stuff out?” She asked with a raised brow.
“I don’t trust pony magic that much, and I don’t know what this spell will do, so I’m taking out a bunch of shit that’s important to me or is irreplaceable before we transform this place, just in case.”
While Anon went in to retrieve another box, Edgy reached into one of the boxes and pulled out a video game. “A copy of ‘Destroy All Humans’ is important to you?” He aksed as Anon came back into the garden with Knight following behind with a couch over his shoulder.
“Hey, gotta appreciate the classics. Besides, better I have the original version rather than some crappy port to the PS3.”
Annie began fishing through one of the boxes trying to find something interesting, but only found a few games, comics (of various age ratings) and dozens of pairs of socks and underwear. “Dude, why are all you socks and boxers the same?”
“Well when my house was brought to this oh so wonderful land of tiny horses, all my underwear and socks were at the dry cleaners, save for the ones I was wearing, so I had to get them duplicated just so I wouldn’t have to deal with Rarity trying to make human undies the next fashion craze in Manehatten or something. That and she gets very touchy when taking measurements for clothes, so fuck that noise.”
“Who is this ‘Rarity’?” Knight asked as he set a large television down next to the rest of Anon’s stuff.
“Marshmallow white unicorn with an obsession with clothing, will most likely make a subtle insult at what you’re wearing if she sees you. Feel free to punch her, since she and the other main bitches quit their duties and we took over, we’re technically government agents now, she can’t touch us for it.”
Horny stopped rummaging through Anon’s stash of dirty magazines for a moment. “You seem to have a few grudges against the fine pieces of ass in this world, anyone we should actually be worried about? I’d rather know who to avoid hitting on to keep my Crown Jewels.”
Edgy shook his head as Horny continued to ransack his counterparts porn collection. “You will never not disgust me...”
Anon set down his last box and scratched his forehead in thought. “Well, there are a few that will easily annoy you, but they’re mostly harmless. Although, there is one specific horse I should warn you about...”
A few minutes later in Ponyville
Twilight stomped furiously down the Ponyville market place with Spike following behind, about ten feet behind, ain’t no way he was getting any closer to that autistic angry mess.
“Spike, quit lagging behind, I’m not stopping to wait for you.” The pissed alicorn stated sternly as she watched each pony that stood even twenty feet in front of her move out of her way in fear.
“Excuse me, Princess Twilight!” A voice came from behind them.
Twilight growled angrily as she turned to see who had interrupted her march of menstral rage, surprised to see two guards walking towards her. “What is it? I’m busy at the moment.”
Smirky stepped forward and bowed to Twilight before stating their business. “We would just like to ask you something, there was an incident in the castle last night and we’re on damage control.”
Twilight turned to fully face them with a confused, but still angry, expression. “Incident?”
“You see, Princess Celestia and Anonymous the Human had gotten their hands on some questionable substances and were under the influence of a drug known as ‘marijuana,’ as a way to ease the Princess’s nerves while trying to come up with a plan after you and the Elements left the throne room.” Smirky explained and looked to Clear Sky, who continued.
“We were told that while under the influence of this drug, the princess sent letters that she found humorous to various ponies of importance. We believe she sent a letter to Spike, the contents of which are unknown. Though we believe it contained information about a joke plan that the human and her majesty came up with together.”
Twilight blinked and pulled out the scroll that she had received and read over it again. “There is a lot of mistakes I know the Princess wouldn’t make so easily...so, this letter isn’t serious?” She asked as she gave the scroll to Smirky who looked it over.
He hid a bead of sweat and nodded. “Yes, this is nothing more than a mistake, we apologise for any confusion that was caused.”
Twilight sighed in relief and giggled. “Oh thank goodness, for awhile there I though she was serious. I mean, how would she even bring more humans here anyway? It’s not like she just has the magic or technology to rip creatures from other universes right?”
Smirky and Clear laughed nervously before forcing straight faces. “Of course.”
“Well this is a relief, I was about to march over to Anon’s house to give him a piece of my-“ Twilight stopped as she saw two new humans walking down the opposite end of the market.
“Alright, we have the cereal and snacks, now all we need is the meat, where did Anon say we could find the meat vendor again?” Annie asked as she and Edgy walked into the main market, carrying various bags full of food.
“He said something about the vendor being run an alleyway behind a place called ‘Berry’s Bar,’ good to know this place still has places where I can drown my sorrows in scotch...” Edgy replied in his usual depressing tone.
Twilight blinked and rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. As soon as she opened her eyes again, the two caught sight of her.
“Oh crap, it’s that pony Anon warned us about!” Annie yelled in panic.
“We need to leave before she drags us into a twelve hour lecture on pony social cues...”
“I have an idea.” Annie said as she reached into her pocket.
“Hey you! Wait a second!” Twilight called out as she ran over to them, Smirky and Clear facehoofing before chasing after her.
Annie raised her full hand into the air and yelled. “Smoke Bomb!” And threw some smoke bombs to the ground, covering the small area around them in thick smoke.
When Twilight reached the smoke cloud, it disappeared as did the two humans.
“Well, bullshitting her is out of the question now.” Clear groaned as Smirky pulled out a pipe of some sort.
“Plan B then.” Smirky smirked as he blew into the pipe and a dart flew out the opposite end and hit Twilight in the right ass cheek.
“I will not...be beaten by....ehhhhhhh...” Twilight muttered out before falling unconscious, faceplanting into the dirt road.
“Hey, check it out, I penetrated the Princess’s ass.” Smirky laughed as he and Clear walked to opposite sides of her.
“Yeah yeah ha ha very funny, now throw her on my back and let’s get her back to her castle.”
Smirky did as he was told and placed the unconscious princess onto the back of his friend while giggling. “Hey dude, how does it feel to have a princess riding you?”
“How does it feel to remember you gotta scrub our filthy restroom with your own toothbrush?”
“...gotta stop bringing that up man...”
Clear smirked in victory as he turned to Spike, who had watched the events unfold with a horrified expression. “Hey, little dragon, come with us, we’ll need help boarding up and magic-proofing her castle.”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Until the humans get settled in, we’re gonna have to place this badshit crazy mare under house arrest. Which is gonna be kinda hard considering she’s basically a demigod.”
“Am I the only one that remembers they have a pony in their group?” Smirky asked.
“It’s just easier to call them ‘The Humans.’”
“Why not just ‘The Anons?’”
“I don’t know man, let’s just wait until them come up with the name for their weird ass group.”
Awhile later at Anon’s home
Anon, Knight, Horny and Filly all looked up at the large house that stood before them. Anon’s small, two story home had now been transformed into a large three story mini-mansion. “Damn...that spell didn’t mess around.” Anon said as he admired his new digs.
“This looks magnificent! Plenty of space for our merry group to thrive in!” Knight stated happily. “Look! There is even training equipment in the side garden that I can use to sharpen my skills with a blade!”
“Wait, there is?” Anon asked as he walked around to get a view of the side, finding a group training dummies, wooden swords and shields and even some targets for archery. “Huh, guess the spell thought you could use that.”
“You think we all get something like that?” Horny asked while rubbing his chin in thought. “Because I have a pretty good idea of what mine is.”
“Yes we all know what yours would be and we all know it’s most likely down in the basement!” Anon yelled out in disgust. “Just for the love of God, make sure whoever you bring down there gives full consent. I don’t want the guards showing up because you took some poor mare down there and turned it into a rape dungeon.”
“Like any mare would consent to him...” Filly said while giving Horny a disgusted look.
“Alright, after Annie and Edgy get back we can go in and pick rooms, then move my shit back in.” Anon stated while rubbing his hands together. “I so hope there’s a hot tub in there somewhere, I’ve always wanted a hot tub.”
“Hey!” Annie’s voice called out, causing all four of the group to turn and see Annie and Edgy walking towards them.
“Oh hey, you’re back, you get the food?” Anon asked as he took some bags off of his female counterpart.
“Yeah we got the food, but we ran into that pony you warned us about.” Edgy explained as he set his grocery bags down and looked over the house.
“Great, well, now Purplesmart knows you lot are here. Was gonna happen eventually I guess, let’s just hope she doesn’t try anything stupid while we get settled in.”
“Will this ‘Purplesmart’ be a problem for us?” Knight asked with slight concern.
“Probably, I’ll write to Celestia to see if she can find a way to keep her off of us, that is if she doesn’t already have a plan. If you see her just ignore her or run, she’s not gonna be happy that we took her job.” Anon explained while looking through the groceries. “Anyway, enough of that, let’s head on in, throw some of this hydra meat on a grill, pull out some hard liquor and toast to this weird ass partnership!”
“Wait, what about Filly? Isn’t she a herbivore?” Annie asked after the mention of meat.
“She’s almost bit me like 5 times after I tried to boop her, she’s got teeth of a predator so I think she’ll be ok.”
“On my world the ponies there are all omnivores, not likes these wimps. Fuckin pussies don’t even appreciate bacon...” Filly stated before walking off and muttering curses at her weak herbivorous brethren of this new world, probably throwing in a few “baka”s while she was at it.
“Well, you learn something new every day.” Anon muttered.
“Would that be verbal or written consent?” Horny asked.
Annie opened her eyes as she heard a loud noise followed by the sound of someone cursing. Curious as to what had woken her from her very pleasant dream, she threw her bedsheets to the side and slipped on her bunny slippers. She walked out into the hallway and looked to the other five rooms that made up the second floor. She passed by Knight's, Edgy's and Filly's rooms as she heard nothing, she didn't want to know what she heard from Horny's room. She came to the foot of Anon's door, noticing light coming from under the small gap at the bottom. She pressed her ear to the door and heard frustrated muttering.
"Anon? Are you ok? I heard a loud noise." She said as she knocked the door gently.
"Crap did I wake...yeah I'm fine, a box just fell on my foot."
"Can I come in?"
"Uh...sure."
After she opened the door, Annie found Anon rummaging through a large box of random stuff, with multiple empty boxes stacked in the corner of the room and three unopened boxes next to them. "What are you doing?" She asked tiredly, noticing a smaller box sitting on a stool in another corner.
"Figuring out where to put all my shit. That spell made our rooms almost as big as the house we used it on, just trying to organise a bit." Anon explained while elbow deep in a box of vinyl records and video games.
"In the middle of the night?"
"I wasn't that tired." Anon explained before giving out a comically long yawn. He looked to Annie who just looked at him unconvinced. "What?"
"You know it's next to impossible to lie to a woman right?"
"Correction! You just need to be a master of lies, which I am. I once convinced a 30 year old single mother that i was a Nigerian prince, had a ton of sex before her girlfriend found out three weeks later."
"You now, if I hadn't done something similar I would call you a horrible human being."
Anon chuckled and shook his head. "Trust me, we're both horrible."
"How do you know I'm horrible?"
"You're literally me from a universe where the only difference is that I have two globes on my chest and not between my legs."
Annie raised her finger to argue, but lowered it and nodded. "Yeah true. I take it you also had the cops on you for weed use?"
"How the hell was I supposed to know my hotel room was across the state line?"
Both laughed and Annie sat next to her male counterpart before placing a hand on his shoulder. "What's the real reason you're up?"
Anon's smile slipped and he looked back to his boxes. "I didn't have a very pleasant dream..." He muttered before lifting out an Elvis record and placing it in an open cabinet. "It's been awhile since I've had a dream like it on account of Luna watching my dreams like a damn pervert, but I guess she was too busy ruining a poor stallion's pelvis tonight."
“What was the dream about?” Annie asked softly.
Anon stopped and looked to her with a confused expression. “Do you not get them too? Didn’t we have the same life experiences? If so you should know what I’m talking about.”
“I...don’t remember having specific bad dreams.”
Anon turned his body to face her fully and looked her in the eye. “April 27th 2008, does that date ring any bells?”
“Other than a botched blind date and an empty bottle of wine, no.”
Annie could see the realisation in her counterpart’s eyes as his expression softened. “Well, I guess there’s more differences than I thought.” He said with a hint of disappointment in his voice.
“Why do you sound disappointed?”
Anon turned back to his box and pulled out another record. “It’s nothing, honestly I’m glad you didn’t go through it. Gotta have one of us have some kinda light hearted backstory, otherwise this thing isn’t just gonna turn into some edgy bullshit from start to finish.”
Annie sighed and stood up. “Well knowing how stubborn I am when it comes to things that bother me or piss me off, I’m pretty sure you aren’t gonna tell me anything.”
“Yeperdoodles.”
“Alright then.” As she went to leave, Annie stopped at the door and looked back to Anon. “Just promise me you won’t let whatever angst you’re holding in doesn’t build up, we’ve already got a version of us that’s depressed and angst driven.”
“I promise.” Anon replied with a small smile.
Annie smiled back and headed back to her room, leaving Anon alone with his thoughts. Once he heard her bedroom door close, Anon closed the box of records and games before grabbing a jacket.
Edgy, who was also still awake for emo reasons, watched Anon walk towards Ponyville from his bedroom window, having listened to the whole conversation. “April 27th 2008...should have guessed another one of me went through it...” He muttered to himself before walking back to his bed. “Seems he handled it a lot better though....I wonder why that is....”
As he was about to climb under his bedsheets he heard the wood floor of the hallway creak and he rolled his eyes.
He opened his bedroom door and punched Horny in the neck.
“Don’t try to sneak into the female bedrooms again...or I’ll use my knife to cut someone else for once...” He warned as he dragged the gasping embodiment of impure thoughts back to his room.
Outside Twilight’s Castle, the next morning
Spike, Smirky Shield and Clear Sky flopped down onto a nearby bench as the looked over the crystal castle that stood before them. Smirky wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead and sighed in relief. “Thank Faust’s...great holy ass we’re done...”
“You’d think Celestia...could have spared a few mages...or at least...some unicorn guards for this...” Clear gasped out as he rubbed his aching muscles.
The castle now had many chains wrapped around it, all containing various magical runes and spells that placed seals all around the castle.
“At the very least...this’ll keep Twilight from acting crazy.” Spike stated as he caught his breath. “Man if I had my dragon wings that coulda been so much simpler.”
“Oh yeah, dragons are supposed to have wings right?” Smirky asked. “What’s with you then?”
“My Guess is dragons get them at some point during pubetry, but since I’m around these ponies and have been raised by Twilight all my life my growth has been stunted.” Spike answered. “Honestly I don’t know that much about my own species, I should really arrange a meeting with Ember so she can teach me this stuff.”
“Speaking of that Dragon Lord, when you’re finally legal age you’re gonna fuck her right?” Smirky asked with his trademark smirk, earning himself a smack on the back of the head from his coworker.
Spike blushed furiously and cringed. “Ugh...I should have known you’d bring something like that up, Princess Celestia warned me about you months ago...”
“Didn’t answer my question.” Smirky pointed out as he rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head while Clear was wondering if his partner was starting to become numb to his punishments.
“Well, it’s not like I haven’t thought about asking her out, but honestly I don’t have much interest in her.”
“How come? She not your type or something?”
“It’s not that, it’s...I think being raised by ponies has hard wired my brain to find ponies attractive and not dragons.” Spike answered in a low voice. “I look at a pretty mare and I feel certain things, I see a good looking dragon and...nothing.”
Smirky leaned over to Clear and whispered into his ear. “I think the kid is gonna need some serious mental help...”
“Why? It’s not like interspecies relationships are illegal.” Clear pointed out.
“No, not with that. It’s just from this conversation I’m starting to feel that him being raised by ponies his whole life hasn’t just affected his growth physically, but mentally.”
Clear looked to his friend with a bemused expression. “How the hell?”
“I have a minor in child psychology.”
Just before this totally unnecessary conversation that will definitely not be brought up in the future in any way could continue, a loud boom could be heard from within the castle.
“Sounds like Twilight finally woke up.” Spike said as he watched multiple purple lights shine out of the castle windows, which he figured was Twilight trying to force her way out of the seals with spells. “Hopefully she gives up soon before she exhausts herself.”
“What in tarnation is goin’ on here?” The three looked to their right to see Applejack looking up at the castle in confusion. “Has Twilight had another mental breakdown like when she missed sendin’ a letter to the Princess?”
“No, not yet anyway. Princess Celestia is in the middle of doing something that Twilight doesn’t really like and would most likely try to stop, so the Princess placed her under house arrest until everything is sorted out.” Spike explained as he went to greet his friend. “Anyway, what are you doing her AJ? Shouldn’t you be at the farm setting up for the day?”
Applejack looked to the tiny dragon with a soft smile. “Well it’s a bit slow at the farm nowadays, still waitin’ for the apples to ripen. I figured I’d come see if there was any word from the Princess on the whole strike situation. I’m guessin’ this ain’t a good sign.”
“The Princesses are working on the details for your strike.” Clear began. “However there are still issues that you used to deal with that they and the royal guard can’t direct resources to, so Celestia put together a temporary group to do your job until the strike is resolved.”
"Guessin' Twi didn't take too kindly to that?" Applejack asked as the ground shook from another magical blast inside the castle.
"She could have taken it better." Spike mumbled. "It's gonna take forever to clean the mess she's making in there..."
"Well, who'd the Princess pick for that temporary team?"
At that moment a tired looking Anon walked past the group, who's eyes followed the human as he walked across their lines of sight.
Once the human was out of sight, Applejack turned to the three to get her answer, but they stayed silent. A few second later she connected the dots.
"Yer kiddin' right?" She asked with a raised brow. "She picked grumpy ol' Anon to handle friendship problems while we strike?"
"He's not always grumpy, and the Princess seems pretty confident that he'll do well." Clear answered while getting off the bench and stretching his legs. "Just please make sure Princess Twilight and any other hot headed friends of yours don't get in their way, we could really use your help on this."
Applejack sighed and nodded. "Alright, I'll keep her out of the...wait, 'their?'"
"There may be five more Anons now, kay bye." With that Clear and Smirky were poofed away by a flash of magic.
"Five more..." Applejack whispered to herself in curiosity. "Hey Spike, are you busy?"
"Not really, why?"
Applejack turned to the route that led to the local human's home. "I just wanna check that no trouble'll come of this, wouldn't mind some friendly company."
Ponyville, marketplace
"I thought that egghead would be out on some boring errands by now." Rainbow Dash spoke to herself as she gently hovered along the marketplace looking for her purple friend. "Maybe she just spent all night reading and collapsed from exhaustion again. Might as well swing by to make sure she's alrig-oof!"
Rainbow was brought out of her speculating as she didn't pay attention to what was in front of her.
"Hey, watch where you're go...ing..." Rainbow began to scold whoever she had bumped into but her voice lowered as she looked up at a large, armoured, bipedal figure. "Who are you and where did you get such awesome armour?" She asked while mesmerised by the awesomeness of the creature before her.
"I am Sir Anonymous the 3rd, but you can call me Knight." Knight greeted cheerfully.
Rainbow snapped out of her trance and looked to the armoured human with a curious expression. "Anon? When did you start going along with Twilight's weird role play sessions?"
