> Evil(?) Wears Red > by Warden of Monsters > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1, (For)Everfree! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now I bet you’re all wondering how all this came about. If you have no earthly clue what I’m talking about then I gotta ask what kind of schmuck reads a story without reading the synopsis first. Seriously, never judge a book by its cover, any TV-Y rated program will tell you that! Ahem, anyways, it all started at a convention. Yes get your moaning and bitching out of the way now because trust me, I know how cliche this sounds. Imagine having to live through one of those cliches, I mean seriously can you begin to imagine the humiliation?! Like this one time I saw my neighbor’s cat in a tree, and climbed up to get it down. At the time I’d only wanted to hold it, I like cats! But to this day I still facepalm that I actually did the most stereotypical nice guy thing in the book for the old lady. Cliches, and stereotypes exist for a reason people! Sorry, got sidetracked, where was I again…? Oh right, the convention. I couldn’t tell you the name of it to be honest, but I met some enthusiastic cosplayers there. And yeah, it was an MLP convention for those of you wondering. Boy had that been fun! I’d planned to cosplay as Darth Vader for the sake of irony, but in the end I decided to go instead as Alucard of Hellsing Ultimate. Figured it’d be funnier, especially with the attitude of his version from the Abridged series. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it I am actually encouraging you to put a bookmark in this then go watch it. They just put out the 8th episode before I got hyperjumped like Stich to Equestria, and my only regret is not having gotten to see the rest before I got here. Oh right you’re still wondering how I got here. Well that’s rather simple, see… I’ve got no fucking idea! I mean it, I had just gotten back to my hotel room on the last day of the convention, packed my bags to save some time, and without changing I just flopped face up on my bed with my hat over my face. Next thing I know I wake up and… Well maybe at this point I oughta tell the story properly, this is where shit starts to get interesting after all. ……. So there I am, sleeping. Then I’m not when suddenly I feel kinda wet. My first thought is I sweated in my costume, and I needed my shower before I got changed for my flight home. My second thought I ever so eloquently put to words as I sit up, letting my hat fall from my face into my lap. “...Motherfucker I’ve been punked.” Trees, trees everywhere with not a bird to watch. That wet feeling turns out to be morning dew, you know that water in the air that collects on the ground in low temps. Only to be expected when I go to sleep in a comfy bed only to wake up in the damned woods. The ground is mostly dirt, and covered in dead leaves which rustle as I get to my feet, dusting myself off. Looking around I frown as I don’t see my bags, so I’ve probably been robbed too. So with a groan I check my pockets to see what I have. Phone… check! Wallet… check! With all my wallet stuff still in it, including money so Check! Costume sunglasses… Check! Phone cables… Check! Replica pistols- HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE! Those aren’t replicas! My dad was a military man, and a gun nut in his retirement. Personally I always liked swords better, but I know a real gun when I pick it up. “Okay,” I mutter to myself in confusion. “So whoever did this decided to take my bags, leave my valuables still on me, and give me a nifty pair of 13mm hand cannons… Correction, one 13mm Jackel, and a .454 castle rounds pistol. Great, ” I pop the clip, and check the rounds with a frown. “...With Mercury tipped rounds, explosive shells. Pretty clear whatever I shoot with these is gonna have a hell of a time getting back up. And I got full clips for both, so six shots each…” Frowning I check my other pockets, and don’t find much else, just some candy I had snacked on. So I pull out my phone, and raise an eyebrow as I turn it on to find the time display empty along with the service bars. “...Okay this is getting fucking weirder by the second,” I mutter as I put on my hat again. I lick my lips slowly as I look around, but pause when I notice my teeth feel different. They’re perfectly aligned, even my inward curving eyetooth I’ve had since middle school, and it feels sharper than before too. Shaking my head slowly I carefully look around. “M’kay, time to review, the iPhone isn’t showing time which implies not just a lack of signal, but a lack of any access to their satellites, towers, or whatever. Even if I missed my bill which I just paid yesterday those emergency services would still be available. Meaning… Ooooooohhhhhhhh fuck this is some Twilight Zone shit here. Okay, calm down, review isn’t over… I’m also realistically armed now, and my body is different too. Given the teeth it’s almost like…” I trail off as I put a thumb to one sharpened eyetooth, and press it hard, feeling it resist. Blinking slowly I snicker at the thought that’s come to mind. “...Almost like I’m a real fucking vampire.” I snort at that, and looks around. “Okay, Okay, This has to be some kind of joke. A really good one.” Looking up I see the treetops, and grin. “Let’s see how far they’ve taken this.” Bending my knees I jump from the treetop… Don’t judge me when I say I end up smashing through it, and going flying at least 30 meters in that general direction before coming down to the ground again. On reflex a quick snatch of a branch allows me to get my feet under me for a much smoother landing than I expected. “...Holy shit, tits, and gravy I’m a real fucking Vampire,” I say flatly in awe. I swallow hard, and look down at my hands. “Okay, Okay, let’s not panic… This is pretty awesome. I mean it’s not like I’ve got an issue drinking blood, I did that back in highschool.” Trust me you don’t wanna ask, I was a weird-ass kid, and as a human my diet was like 80% carnivorous anyhow. I decide to try again, and after a few tries I manage to catch myself on a treetop so I can get a look around. Leaning out I hum nonchalantly to myself to help distract myself from freaking the fuck out until I spot an old castle. “Ooooo~! Lookie what I found! Maybe there’s a road.” I look around again, and notice light on the horizon. “...Or shelter, shelter is good. No idea if you’re going up or down yet.” So with that I parkour my ass across the treetops like goddamn Naruto to get to the castle, leaping across a ravine with an old drawbridge going across that looks way too goddamn tiny to support me anyhow. Glancing at it I just shrug as I head into the castle. “Looks like someone was here recently,” I comment, though the place doesn’t look lives in exactly. The tapestries look newly refurbished compared to the rest of the place, which I notice as I step into the entryway which seems to double as a throne room. I pause as I stare at the tapestries. Half of them have a predominantly yellow color scheme with lots of warm colors, and the other half are mostly blue with cool color schemes. Both have an artistic depiction of a matching Alicorn, the sun or moon, or their Alicorn with the sun or moon. “...Heh… Hahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!” Tossing back my head I laugh as I walk over to the thrones. I feel a sort of tingling, grinding sensation in my mouth which a quick investigation of my tongue reveals twin rows of shark like fangs set up perfectly to close together without interference. “Okay I get it, I get it,” I snicker. “I’ve read enough half assed fanfics to know where this is going. I am in the magical land of Equestria where everyone's a pony that eats rainbows, and shits butterflies. On top of that I’m now physically the most evil being I know of, Alucard… Ooooohhhh this isn’t gonna end well.” Looking to the throne backed by a big tapestry of the sun princess I say, “Ain’t that right Sunbutt?! Oh sure I just waltz over to the candy colored little ponies trembling in their hoovsies, and give the whole ‘I Come In Peace, Please Help Me Get Home!’ And Then you’re like, ‘Oh yes, we’ll help you get back to your world.’ Until something happens, and you blast me to ash. Or try to, not sure if I regenerate like the real Alucard.” Pausing at that I look down at my hand, noting the magical circles on the backs of my gloves are gone. I suppose that just means I’m under no form of contract, but that’s just a passing thought. I’ve seen Hellsing Ultimate the real anime as well as the Abridged up to Episode 8 so I know how this works. Alucard regenerates by using the souls of the people he’s devoured to take the hits for him, maybe around 2 million if the Abridged series is to be believed. But me, I haven’t had any blood so chances are no I can’t regenerate… Not yet anyhow. “I wonder if I can get away with wolfing down animals in this world,” I muse out loud. “Most animals here are sentient so maybe… Then again Alucard ate Cavalrymen horse and all so I suppose it really doesn’t matter… Time to put this to the test!” But that leaves a question, what is there to eat? So standing I decide to explore the castle, humming Giggle at the Ghosties under my breath, though in my head it’s the Blackjack remake from Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons. Just seems more fitting. After a while I mutter, “Vampires have super good senses…” So closing my eyes I listen hard, and test the air with my nose… there’s… something there alright… as silently as I can I follow my senses until they’re right above me. Opening my eyes I look up, and my shoulders drool. “Star Spiders,” I mutter, and sigh softly. “Great…” One of them slides down a string of webbing to check me out, and I give it a flat stare before grabbing it, crushing it in my hand. Most folks I know are squeamish around Spiders, but not me. I’m used to killing them with my bare, well, in this case my gloved hands. A curious sensation crawls up my body then. Opening my hand I see the body of the spider being absorbed into my glove, prompting me to raise an eyebrow. Within my body though I feel something, like there’s something shaped like me inside me. Whatever it is this spider is becoming a part of it, nestling on the surface of it like a soap bubble. “...Souls,” I realize quietly, and grin as I look up to see the few dozen more of them eyeing me. In a flash I’m jumping, and snatching them one by one, letting my body absorb them. By some instinct I know the extent of their lifespans, and know that each of them is adding a few months to my own lifespan. What’s more I feel a strange sensation of knowing, knowing how to move about on eight legs, how to find the darkest corners to hide in, how to lie silent in wait for hours on end if I have to, and finally the greatest way to take my prey apart. Within minutes every last spider is consumed, a quick count shows I have almost 50 of them, which really was so fucking cool in a creepy kind of way. “Alright now that that’s over let’s see… better get my bearings about this place. I’m in Equestria, but when in Equestria am I?” One easy way to find out is a simple clue. I run to the highest point of the castle, and stare out beyond the forest. I see Ponyville far off, and just visible over the trees is Twilight’s crystalline castle. “So Purple Bangs has her castle, meaning at least sometime after Tirek was spanked,” I say as I check the horizon. The light is getting brighter which makes me frown. “Daybreak Huh? Well I guess I oughta find a place to spend the day.” Then I head back down into the castle to do just that. —— I spend the day sleeping in the organ room. As in the instrument, not a room of pickled livers. I can just sort of feel when the sun is going down, and while I get a vague sense it would take quite a while for me to die in sunlight as I am I’m not up for sacrificing one spider soul after another for hours while the sun slowly whittles down my lifespan. Stretching I head outside just after twilight, and think to myself. Might as well chow down on more souls, not like I’m especially hungry or anything, but the closer I get to Alucard’s crazy invulnerability the safer I’ll feel. So I head off for a moonlit walk in the woods… a very enthusiastic walk… As I walk I pick one of my favorite songs to sing out, courtesy of Voltaire, hopefully to attract something I can eat. “Oh when the Devil is too busy, and Death’s a bit too much, They call on me by name you see, for my special touch! To the gentlemen I’m Miss Fortune, to the ladies I’m Sir Prize. But call me by any name, any way it’s all the same… I’m the fly in your soup I’m the pebble in your shoe I’m the pea beneath your bed I’m the bump on every head I’m the peel on which you slip I’m the pin in every hip I’m the thorn in your side, makes you wriggle and writhe! And it’s so easy when you’re evil! This is the life you see, the Devil tips his hat to me! I do it all because I’m evil, and I do it all for free… Your tears as all the pay I’ll ever need!” I pause as I hear movement, and look in its direction. With a grin I head for it, fangs out as I close in… Off between the trees I see a Cockatrice, the little beast just hopping along. Satisfied I dash over, and punch it hard in the back of the head, sending a spray of blood everywhere as the body falls limp. Licking my lips I kneel by it, seeing the blood flowing across the ground to soak into my clothes, making its soul join the others covering my own. “I feel like making a Taste Like Chicken Joke,” I sigh, watching in morbid fascination as I see the body start to liquify so it too soaks into me. “But that would be way too easy.” As the last drop is absorbed I feel the years of life the creature has lived nourish me, as well as a bit extra. Not much, probably just as long as it would have lived had it started dying of starvation the moment I punched it. “So the longer lived a creature is when I eat it the longer I live,” I muse, and grin. “I seem to remember a few apex predators living in these woods… A dragon someplace. Hm, a few manticores… And a Ursa Major with her baby…” Licking my lips I turn my head when I hear a series of rustling, and squeaking. My eyes see through the night like the noon time sun, and I pin the source as a cave. Grinning I stand, and crack my neck. “Hm… Now what kind of Vampire doesn’t have command of a hoard of bats…?” This is going to be more fun of a stay than I gave it credit for. —— By sunrise I have a large collection of bats within me, a few hundred at least with each putting nearly a decade into my lifespan. It had been easy to catch them, killing as many as I can in the swarm when they panic, then after consuming them it occurred to me that I could send those same bats out to find the rest, cripple them in small groups, and bring them back for me to feast on. I doubt I got them all, but that’s fine by me. It just means they’ve got a chance to make more for me later on. As I return to the castle I have two things on my mind. The first is practice summoning Familiars like Alucard has done many times. A relatively easy feat, simply squeezing off a few souls into a body made from the body matter I absorbed, creating a small faceless creature of blood, and a thin layer of Skin. It’ll be easy to send these out to search for weak prey like insects, and rodents to consume on my behalf before returning to me. The second thought is a curiosity… Now I have a long life. What should I do with it? Left alone I’ll probably be able to live as long as the Royal sisters, managing the wildlife of the Everfree Forest to sustain myself. But my mind is still human, and even a disturbed introvert like myself will need social interaction. Not that my seclusion is assured anyhow, word is certainly going to spread of the sudden drop of wildlife in this forest. Zecora is sure to notice, and bring it to Twilight’s attention. If not her then Fluttershy will hear it eventually from her animals, and tell Twilight. Either way when Twilight hears then someone will come to investigate, and the Princesses will learn about me. It’s inevitable, so that leaves me to wonder how to react when they get here. “Alucard was ‘slain’ by Van Hellsing, and became a servant to the family if I remember,” I mutter to myself. A mental image of bowing before Princess Luna comes to mind, and I grin. That sounds like fun! “I wonder what it is exactly that the Princess of the Night gets up to…?”