But I Love You
Applejack's mouth rested open, jaw slack. Her green eyes stared into Rainbow Dash's face. The Stetson hat she wore upon the crown of her head provided little shade now that she stood upright. Beads of sweat from the day's work covered her, reflecting and refracting the white of the sun. A handful sat upon the bridge of her muzzle, shining as new-formed freckles. All of her was framed by the greens of her orchard and the pale blue of the mid-day sky.
And in that moment, it became even more obvious to Rainbow Dash that her whole life had been leading up to this. This hard-working, honest, beautiful mare was everything that this dare-devil ever dared dream of.
"I know it's a lot," she said. "I mean, I just figured it all out this morning. But, well, I knew it all along, really. We've been best friends for years now! And, in hindsight, it's so obvious that we were always meant to be more!"
Brow furrowing, Applejack's eyes squinted. "Who put you up to this?"
The pegasus' head cocked to the side. "Huh? Nopony put--"
"Consarn it, Dash! I don't give a rotten slop-apple for yer pranks right now. This ain't funny! I know it weren't Pinkie. She ain't that cruel. You said 'nopony.' Was it Discord?"
"What?" The impact hit Rainbow's joy square in her chest. "No! AJ, I swear, it's not a joke! I was thinking about what Rarity said to us at her last fashion line showing, about how she wants to find somepony to share her dream with. And I thought 'Hey, I'm living my dream. Who do I want to share it with?' and I just kept coming back to you! You're the one, AJ. You're my dream."
The whole of Applejack's body shook now. "Stop it! You don't-- I'm not-- For Celest-- Raagh!" The earth pony lifted her front hooves and brought them back to the ground, causing the dirt to indent and apples to fall from the nearest dozen trees. As her eyes burned the ground, a violent snort escaped her nostrils, pushing aside some of the dust kicked up by her act.
Beads of sweat had now grown upon Dash's face. "AJ, I'm not trying to trick you. Honest. I'm trying to say 'I lo--.'"
Applejack's head shot up. Teeth grit and brow wrinkled, her mere gaze locked Rainbow's mouth closed. As the fragments of soil settled to the ground and the air staled, the two breathed. Dash began to tear.
And so did AJ, as she stepped toward her friend. "Don't you dare say that, you filly of a stormbringer!"
Rainbow's lip quivered. Each blink brought fresh tears to mix with the sweat that had pooled at the bottom of her face. "Stormbringer?"
"And yer welcome for it too!" Applejack said, "I'm doin' y'all a kindness, ya hear? If y'all'd just called me a 'filthy mudpony' years ago, it've made ma life a lot easier. You'd've spared me a lot a sleepless nights!"
Pointing her hoof at the pegasus, Applejack continued, "But Ah knew y'all would do this! Ah told Fluttershy 'smuch a year ago. Y'all can ask her yerself." Nodding, Applejack continued, "In fact, do that. Ya wanna know 'what's wrong?' Go ask one o' my real friends about it."
Head shaking, Rainbow Dash's eyes widened. "No." Applejack turned and began to trot away. "Nooo!" Rainbow threw herself to the ground and grabbed Applejack's hind legs.
Stopped by the action, Applejack looked back and down at her friend. "Dash, why're y'all still here?"
"Please, AJ! Please, tell me we're still friends."
"Fine, we're friends! Now will ya let me go?" Applejack pulled away, but Rainbow Dash retained her grip.
"AJ, I can't lose you! I'll take it all back. I'll do everything I can to stop loving you, if that's what it takes!"
Opening her mouth, Applejack blinked several times. She then bit her lip.
The silence hung.
The white clouds above moved along their set paths. For a moment, one obscured the sun, only for Celestia's light to reemerge a minute later. Rainbow had landed somewhat on her side, and one of her wings was beginning to grow numb under the weight of her body, but she did not move it, for fear that any movement would unravel her whole life.
With a heavy sigh, Applejack said, "Dash, I can't not be yer friend. We'll be friends as long as trees grow apples and rain falls from the sky." She then looked up at that sky, shaking her head in slow, deliberate shakes. "Y'all just don't know what yer doin' to me."
"Then tell me," said Rainbow. "Whatever it is, I'm sorry!"
"Yer sorry?!" Applejack laughed at the lunacy of the statement. "Dash, I called y'all a stormbringer. Ya should be downright furious at me!"
"Well, I'm not. And I don't care about that. I just wanna know what I did wrong."
"No, Dash. Ya did nothin'. Ah'm the pony who's gotta be sorry." When Applejack blinked, a small tear came out of one eye. "It isn't what ya did ta me. It's what Ah did to maself. And ta you. For years."
"What are you talking about? You didn't do anything to me."
Gesturing toward the air, Applejack said, "Not out here." She then put a hoof to her chest. "In here. In here, Ah tried to make maself think y'all were the worst pony in all of Equestria. Ah thought of everythin' ya ever done wrong. Everything that made ya bad. Ah told maself it was all true. Because if y'all were that bad, Ah wouldn't..." On her next blink, two tears spouted forth.
"Wouldn't what?"
The mare took a moment to wipe her eyes before continuing. "Yer just not that bad of a pony, Dash. Sure, yer stubborn and obnoxious and impulsive. Ah think yer prideful as sin one half the day and lazy as they come the other. But y'ain't cruel. Y'ain't greedy or spiteful. And once ya do got yer tail outta bed, or a cloud, y'ain't afraid to put in an honest day's work."
"AJ." Rainbow Dash waited for Applejack to look back at her. When she did, Dash asked, "Why did you want to think I was bad?"
Turning away, Applejack muttered, "'Cause hatin' somepony who don't hate ya back is a lot easier than lovin' somepony who don't love ya back."
Dash's eyes went wide upon realizing the implications of her friend's words. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Applejack sniffled. "Ah couldn't. Hearin' ya say that ya didn't feel the same way would'a been just awful. Even though Ah thought ya might feel the same way, Ah needed ta know fer sure. If Ah'd truly loved ya, Ah'd've done it without that.
"And even if Ah weren't such a coward, Ah also couldn't handle the thought of you sayin' 'yes' ta me." Raising her hoof, Applejack gently lifted her hat off of her head and placed it over her heart. "Ah'mma tell ya the truth, Dash. Ah don't know nothin' about romance. Ah don't know how ta court or date or even say somethin' nice without messin' it all up. But Ah'd only get one shot ta get it right. How could Ah ever be ready for somethin' that important?
"But if ya love somepony, yer supposed ta be willin' ta take that risk." Another pair of tears fell from Applejack's eyes. "Ah just wasn't. Ah guess Ah didn't love ya enough...
"Ah think Ah loved the idea of being with you more than Ah really loved you." The mare placed her hat back upon her head. "Ah just liked imaginin' it. Thinkin' about y'all holdin' me in the shade of a tree, or bringin' me a raincloud when ma crops were thristy, or feelin' ya put a blanket on me if Ah fell asleep on the porch waitin' for ya after a hard day o' work. But whenever Ah thought about it fer real? Ah knew it was just in ma head."
Sighing, Rainbow Dash let go of Applejack's leg and pulled herself up. "AJ, look at me." The pegasus waited until the farm pony turned her head back to face her. Dash then said, "I can do that for you."
But Applejack shook her head. "That stuff can't really happen, Dash."
"Sure it can," said Rainbow Dash. "I wanna do all that and more! I can give you a hoof massage when your hoofs hurt from bucking apples. We can lie on a blanket together and count Luna's stars. Or I can race you to Sugarcube Corner and have the winner buy us both a milkshake."
Eyebrow raised, Applejack said, "Don'tcha mean 'the loser buys a milkshake?'"
"Well, no 'cause..." Rainbow grinned and blushed. "'Cause getting to share a milkshake with you is pretty much the best first place prize I could imagine."
Applejack facehoofed. "Sweet Celestia, Dash. Ya can't just say stuff like that!" AJ shook her head. "So ya wanna do all that mushy stuff, huh? Well let me ask ya this: do ya also wanna hold ma hair back when Ah'm sick and blowin' chunks in the bathroom at two in the mornin'? Or be the one ta sleep on the couch after we just had a fight? Or hear me complain about uneven rows in the south field for the dozenth time? Did ya ever think about that kinda stuff?"
Rainbow Dash was taken aback. "Well, I hadn't thought those things specifically, but I know that sorta thing happens."
"And that's the problem, Dash," said Applejack. "Ah have thought about those things. Specifically! Ah thought about how much extra work Ah'd have to put in the next day to make up for bein' out late on a date. About all the hassle of havin' Twilight do her cloud-walkin' spell and rentin' a balloon to go visit yer folks in Cloudsdale. About worryin' about yer safety every time ya do one o' yer flight shows.
"Ah realized a long time ago that, no matter how Ah felt, our lives are just too complicated. And they're just gettin' worse! Now y'all gotta travel all over Equestria as a Wonderbolt, but Ah still gotta stay here. We both work dangerous jobs, and have dangerous hobbies, and we both know neither of us is gonna stop anytime soon. We're independent ponies, you and me. If we're honest with ourselves, Ah think we both know we don't work."
Rainbow Dash let her eyes fall to the ground in front of her. They scanned the dust and dirt and grasses as if searching them for wisdom. After a few moments, she came back with, "You're an athlete, too. You know you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. How do we know we won't work until we give it a try?"
Applejack snorted. "Because bein' together ain't about milkshakes, for pony sake! It's about sharin' life. And Ah don't think ya really considered that before ya flew over here. Ah think ya just let yer feelings and impulses get the better of ya. Which is why Ah just wanted y'all ta go home." Again, Applejack looked away from her friend. "After a cold shower and a good night's sleep, you'll see Ah was right all along."
"AJ, please, just listen to me!" The farmpony turned back around fully, the two now looking eye-to-eye. "I know I don't always think stuff through. But just because I didn't think of anything specific beforehoof doesn't mean I don't know it'll be hard.
"I don't just want to be with you for fun. I wanna be up working a late harvest until dawn and then still have to go to practice in the morning. I wanna put up with licking two hundred envelopes to send out for the next Apple family reunion. I wanna help you haul a new plow, on hoof, all the way back from Fillydelphia, because you found one that was 30 bits cheaper and didn't want to waste the savings on delivery fees, even though I told you it wasn't worth it, and complained about how silly you were being, the whole way there."
Applejack's muzzle twitched as she smiled, but she then closed her eyes and frowned. "Ya don't mean that, though. Ah know ya think ya do, but in a week? Y'all'll--"
"Hey!" Rainbow said, her voice cracking. "You said it yourself: I'm an independent pony. Don't tell me how to think, okay?"
After a blink, Applejack nodded.
"If you're really sure I need to give it some time, I can do that. I've already waited a few years, so it's not like a few more days are gonna ruin anything. But this isn't gonna be like a pulled coracoid where I can just 'fly it off.' I'm gonna feel the same way about you when this week is over."
"Dash, that still ain't gonna make our lives less hectic," said Applejack. "This weekend ain't good for me. Y'all might have the weekend off work, but Ah've gotta work from sunrise to sunset to replace the fencin' for the pig sty on Saturday, so Ah won't be up for goin' out that night. And if Ah don't get it all done, that's the first half o' Sunday gone too!"
Rainbow Dash shook her head. "There's no way fixing that fence is gonna take you two days."
Groaning, Applejack rolled her eyes. "But that's just it, Rainbow. Ah like yer optimism 'smuch as the next pony, but everything takes longer than ya think it's gonna take. Life happens! Ya just can't know for sure with this stuff."
"Yes I can," said Dash. "Because even if I have to be up before I usually go to bed, I'm gonna come help you."
"What?" Applejack said, taken aback. "Yer gonna come put up fences with me? On yer day off?"
"Yep," Rainbow smiled. "If you can't make date night, I'll just have to make it a date day."
Applejack chuckled. "Ah gotta admit, Dash. Yer a might better sweet talker than Ah'd've ever thought." She then shook her head. "But Ah don't wanna lead ya on. Ya got no clue how much Ah wanna say 'yes.' Believe me, Ah do! But Ah'm not gonna use ya for favors." Her frown returned. "And Ah don't know if Ah can let maself feel that way about ya again. Ah did it once, but Dash, Ah don't think ma heart can handle more years spent gettin' over ya."
"First of all, who says it has to?" Reaching over, Rainbow put a hoof on AJ's shoulder. "And second, I'm not saying you need to commit to getting married and moving in to a house in the suburbs with better tax rates or anything. You don't have to feel anything. All I want is to help you put up a fence this weekend. Nothing else." Rainbow Dash gave her friend a gentle smile. "Does that sound so bad?"
Looking down at Dash's hoof, Applejack sighed. "Yeah, it does."
Letting go of her friend's shoulder, Rainbow backed away several steps.
"You're offerin' ta help me a whole heap; fence makin's terrible! Ah can't letcha do that for nothin'." Then AJ looked up at her friend with a slight grin. "But if ya do it, maybe Ah can let ya buy me a milkshake when we're done, if that's okay."
Beaming, Dash replied, "Well, I think that would be the best 'thank you' you could give me."