Chapter 1
"Hello, Celestia." Discord's disembodied voice said as Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash looked at the empty chest that had held the Elements of Harmony. "Did you miss me? I missed you. It was very boring being turned to stone, but I must thank you for giving me such a wonderful ideal and then leading me straight to the Elements before they could be used on me again."
"Discord," Celestia called out to him. "Show yourself."
"How about no," Disord said with a laugh. "Instead I will answer some questions for a while."
"Where are the Elements of Harmony?" Celestia demanded.
"Oh I sent them to your former student, Sunset Shimmer, along with the location of the Sirens, that world's Twilight Sparkle, and a nice girl named Starlight Glimmer, a map with the location of several dozen very dangerous magical artifacts Starswirl dumped (seriously did he solve all his problems by just banishing it to another universe) there and the location of the memory stone before some foolish human finds it. Either they will save that world from itself or destroy civilization. A win-win if you ask me." Discord told them as his voice came from Fluttershy's mane.
"Eep!" Was all Fluttershy got out before fainting.
"Of course getting rid of the Elements of Harmony was just a side note." Discord said as a plaid couch that looked like it was held together with duct tape appeared under Fluttershy and a transparent plaid shield appeared over her and the couch. "That should keep her nice, safe, and out of harm's way. Seriously Celestia, a farmer, a baker, a weather manager, a fashion designer, a college student, and an animal caretaker? You had over 2,000 years to prepare for this day and instead of a team of highly trained from birth individuals, you seemed to just take anyone stupid enough to follow your current student into the woods to face an insane goddess on a whim. The only reason they aren't dead is that despite her mental issues, Nightmare Moon/Luna wasn't a murderer."
With that there was a flash of light inside the plaid shield and discord sitting in an old brown and green lazy boy petting Pinkie Pie wearing a pair of cat ears and drinking chocolate milk from a saucer, only her hair was straight for once and she looks peaceful and relaxed in his lap. Turning, they all saw a very shocked Pinkie Pie. "I hope you don't mind that I sprang Pinkamena from that dirty, cramped cage you push all of the stuff you don't want to deal with. You know things like the part of yourself that sometimes doesn't want to party, but instead wishes she had stayed on the rock farm and had a quiet and peaceful life. Also, the part of you that would have murdered Rainbow Dash for being an arrogant insensitive bitch, Rarity that for being such a shallow gold-digging slut, and several others for how they treat Fluttershy and Ditzy Doo. Your self-hatred for how racist you have been when it comes to Zecora the Zebra and how cowardly you have been when it comes to calling out the rest of the town on their racism. Face it, you smile because it hides how miserable and pathetic you are."
"That's enough Discord," Celestia shouted. "Release...MuMphamaph!" Suddenly there was something dark blue poking out of her mouth that she was trying to get out, but it kept shoving itself back in every time she almost got it out.
"Stick a sock in it sunbutt or better yet your sisters used panties from last night with 5 of her bat ponies." Discord said as he pulled down a screen out of thin air with Luna wearing the panties while sucking off 2 stallions at once, having her boobs sucked on by 2 more, and was being eaten out through the panties by a female bat pony. "Of course, given how much of a standoffish prude who has to keep up the image of the perfectly pure and untainted princess is it any wonder that your flesh and blood daughter misinterpreted what the mirror showed her. You could have avoided all of that drama and her running away with 6 little words." Discord then snapped his fingers and was suddenly wearing a Darth Vader helmet. "' Sunset Shimmer I am your mother.'" He then took the helmet off and tossed it through the shield, bouncing it off Celestia's head as she tried to get rid of the panties. "You drove your daughter away and replaced her with a foal who already had a loving family, but then again we both know your the fuck up of the millennium, 2 millenniums running, when it comes to your family. Luna was there when your mother was passing away, but you were to busy with your horn up Starswirl the Fuck Up's ass to even show up. Then there is your younger mortal brother's family, I'm sure Rarity can tell you how gentlemanly Prince Blueblood the 127th is, but we really can't blame him since you raised him after his mother died in labor and filled the poor colt's head with bullshit about being the image of the perfect prince and that almost all mares are gold-digging manipulative bitches only after his title. Maybe Sunset was lucky to think she was just an orphan who got lucky enough to be your student. Imagine if she found out that she was only born because of poison joke turning you into 'Molestia' and that you hid her birth to protect your perfect image. Worst yet imagine how fucked up she'd be if you had raised her." With another snap of his fingers the screen with Luna having sex disappeared. "I might have dropped one big dime in a stone prison, but I'm a better parent than you since I sent Screwball to a pocket universe with the high priestess who sacrificed herself to me to become Screwy's nanny when you and Luna started up your little rebellion on the off chance that something did go wrong. Time runs so slow there that only a few weeks have passed for them."
Discord then took a long, slow, calming breath and then asked, "Would any of you like to ask a question?"
"Yeah, what the 'sam hills' are you all planning you two-bit side winding varment?" Applejack demanded.
"Finally someone with enough brain cells to ask the million bit question." Discord said with a smirk as he snapped his fingers and all of them collapsed on the floor. "Having a little trouble breathing perhaps? Maybe formulating more complex coherent thoughts? Perhaps maintaining focus? These could be some of the side effects of the sudden removal of all chaos in your universe." Suddenly the sunlight coming through the windows started to dim before going out completely leaving only the light from Discord's shield. "Other side effects may include the lack of magic to maintain the thermonuclear fusion in an artificially created miniature life-giving sun orbiting planetary bodies, the sudden existential terror of watching the artificially created firefly sized stars flicker and go out slowly but surely, and the more immediately horrifying question of why is your heart and breathing suddenly slowing down." With another snap of his fingers, a tear opened next to him and Fluttershy and Pinkamena floated through it. "But don't worry, I'm not going to kill all of you through taking away all chaos in the universe. As we speak Luna, all children in this world and a select group of adults are being removed from this universe and will find their new home in a previously made new universe much happier without you." With another snap, the mirror portal to the human world appeared in his hands. "Goodbye Tia, enjoy barely being alive with your immortality I am leaving you in a dead and frozen universe for the next 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years." With that, he walked through the tear as the remaining bearers gave one last breath before dying and left a barely breathing Celestia to lay there in the dark for all time.