> What If... > by TheMajorTechie > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > What if... > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, let's get this out of the way, shall we? Of course, you can't have a What If without a completely and utterly broken F̶͈̅i̵̩̪͌m̶̡̢̔̾f̴̞̓i̵̧͆͜͠c̸̒͜t̴̫̘̽̀ị̸̛͕ȯ̸͇͌ń̶̪͖ the website. There. Now that breaking the site is done and out of the way... on with the story! And of course, to a brighter tomorrow. The world's scary out there, y'all. But right here? This is our world. And we're gonna build it together. ~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ Twilight gently placed the previous eight years of her life's work onto her shelf, paying special care not to drop the absurdly thick novel of a thousand chapters. One thousand. That's as many as one hundred tens. Or ten one hundreds. Or twenty fifties. Two five-hundreds. One singular mill. She'd come a long way from that day, when she'd frantically searched for something--anything, that she could possibly still do. But this wasn't over. It never is. So long as there are words to say, experiences to feel, emotions to convey--it's not over. A uniquely permanent thing, ideas are; even as the ones that carry them come and go, swept away by the endless currents of time, ideas will remain. What may have once been tangible then becomes intangible, yet even if its physical permanence may be long-gone, this intangibility, this permanence--will linger on. And so, the writing must continue. The speaking must continue. The art, the music, the memories both good and bad, the imagination... They will go on. Twilight Sparkle lifted a fresh sheet of parchment from the neat stack she'd set up on her desk. It'd felt like eons since she'd done anything like this. But now, staring at the blank page before her, an ink-dipped quill gently floating above its pristine surface... There was fear. There... is fear. Of the unknown, of course; of new beginnings, of endings, of what may be, of what may not be. Of all the little things in life that linger in her mind. Of all the big things in life that she cannot ignore. In a sense, this fear, was of life itself. . . . Unpredictable as always, despite her best efforts. It scares her. It scares me. But we live in the present, and experience the past. It's said that beginnings and endings are always the hardest. Twilight furrowed her brows. What would she even write about? How often would she find herself writing once more about something that'd already been written? How many times would she find herself staring again at a blank page, minutes, hours, days of work, all gone to waste? It scared her. So much. She felt her heart beating in her throat as she set the quill tip to the parchment. ... ... No, not good enough. Not good enough. Not... enough. If words could haunt, that phrase would be one of the phantoms to end all phantoms. And she knew it well. We knew it well. They were the words that we whispered to ourselves, or even told by others; sometimes hardly, sometimes often. But rarely, if ever, never. . . . Incorrect. Those words are... incorrect. Twilight ran a slow hoof through her mane. She drew in a long, deep breath. It took a lot of strength to say that. Much more than she could've ever imagined. And no matter how little it may have felt compared to all that surrounded her, it was enough. . . . She steadied herself. She had to remember... first and foremost, she was in control. No matter how much it may otherwise have felt, she was the one at the table. I am the one at the keyboard. She had to remember. She did this for herself. And even then, if not for herself, she made for someone else. She did this not for glory, or for fame, or for money or for clout or for anything else she could think of. She did this because she enjoyed it. Because we enjoy this. She, the narrator. Me, the author. You, the reader. Even if it were only a precious few words on one day, or even no words for a month, what mattered most was that she enjoyed what she did. She lifted her quill, peering at the minuscule dot she'd made on the parchment. It was like a singular, lonely star among a vast, empty cosmos. A lone traveler in an arid desert. A penguin, lost in the tundra. She touched her quill on the parchment again, watching the tiny splotch of ink grow beneath the tip. A little heart, beating for companionship. There were so, so many things that it could become, that singular dot. She set the quill upon the page again. That little heart-shaped splotch grew into a line, then another line, then a character, then a word. A sentence. A paragraph. A story. This story. She really had to thank Spike for giving her the idea to write all those years ago. Twilight stared at the words she had written. All the way down to this very word. There was a great beauty in making something with your own efforts. It didn't have to be big, nor did it have to be grand. It just had to be. Become. Befit. Begin. And that precisely was what she was doing. This blank slate had become a new beginning. The start of a whole new journey to who-knows-where, accompanied by companions she hadn't even dreamt of making yet, let alone encountered. New and old faces alike would surely be encountered, and more than likely some old characters and scenarios--or even all of them--would continue on, carried forth into this new iteration of her work. She paused. Spike peered through the crack of the door, illuminated from behind by the bright lights of the hallway. "Is this a bad time, Twi? I brought some cookies from Pinkie." He pushed the door open, waddling in with the plate of sweets. He placed it at the corner of her desk and took one for himself. As for Twilight, she continued to write. "What if..." > Pinkie Permanently shattered the forth wall in every show ever? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "They always say that I'm breaking the fourth wall," Pinkie slammed her hoof through the lens of the camera filming her, much to Twilight's annoyance. "But what wall are they even talking about? I just see my friends from beyond the void!" A fuzzy pink hoof entered the darkened realm between worlds, prodding aimlessly about in search of nothing in particular. Every so often, a little glimpse of light would shine past, briefly illuminating the hundreds upon thousands--millions, or even billions-- Endless, in all honesty--planes of existence. With a single blind swipe, Pinkie annihilated the fourth walls of every show currently known to exist. Next time you suddenly see a pink hoof poking at the screen randomly while you're watching, say hi to Pi-- "Hiya! What's this place? Looks a lot like the old place but new instead!" OH NO SHE'S HERE-- 💥 > there was a sequel > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Celestia's missing!" Twilight Sparkle barreled into the throne room. "Who's going to raise the sun? Collect the taxes? Impose strict and unyielding imperial rule over the populace?" Princess Luna hummed. "You, me, and Celestia 2, respectively." "But I don't know how to raise the--wait, Celestia 2?" Luna leaned forward, her forehooves clasped together in thinly-veiled contempt. "If everypony thought dear sister was so great, then why shouldn't there be a sequel?" "A... sequel?" "A sequel!" Luna cheered. She tugged on a nearby convenient rope of convenientness that pulled back the curtains. RoboCelestigoat bleated a chiptune mehhhhhh. > the Mane 6 ran Planet Express? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Pinkie, how're the packages back there lookin'?" Twilight momentarily glanced over her shoulder. "Frosty!" Pinkie patted the freezer on its handle. The ship lurched forward as Rainbow Dash slid in front of Twilight to take the controls. "You know we could go a little faster, right? We'll be late on the next delivery after this one if we keep going at this spee--hey!" Twilight set Rainbow Dash back in her seat and buckled her in. And maybe also duct-taped her down. "Do we really have to do that every trip?" Fluttershy poked the struggling Rainbow Dash. "She can still do the actual delivery runs from the ship to our clients! Or help me take care of the creatures we transport sometimes!" "Or she could settle down for the ride, darling," Rarity raised a hoof. "There isn't all too much to do in space and Applejack's busy doing maintenance." Rainbow leaned back in her seat as far as she could, peering upside-down at Pinkie beside the freezer. "What are we transporting, anyway?" "A freezer," Twilight kept her eyes at the window. "A freezer." "Yup. Just a freezer." "Isn't there something in the freezer then?" Rainbow continued to squirm, granting herself another layer of duct tape courtesy of Rarity. "We have like one other thing to deliver! What's so important about an empty freezer? Can't we handle the other delivery first? Engine parts sound a lot more important than some empty box." "What if I told you that we're headed to Equestria to deliver this freezer to the Wonderbolts?" "Fine." > 60s spiderman fought tirek who had teamed up with elvis presley to steal George washingtons' left shoe which was in a museum in canterlot for some reason? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Haha, the summoning is complete!" Tirek lifted his arms over his head, chanting in ancient tongues as Elvis Presley stepped out of the circle. "Now, my new minion, go and steal George Washington's left shoe from the Canterlot Museum of Pop Culture!" Elvis stared back at Tirek and decided this was an excellent time to quote himself given what just happened. "You only pass through this life once, you don't come back for an encore." "What." Elvis stuck his hand back in the summoning circle and pulled out Spider-Man from the 60s. "What." Tirek repeated, a little louder now than the first time. Celestia watched on through a pair of binoculars. "Well, uh--both of you then, heed my command and steal George Washington's left shoe! It's very important to my plans to conquer Equestria once and for all." Tirek proceeded to get cartoonishly bonked upside the head by Spider-Man. five chapters in and I already have no idea what the heck's going on > Luna and Cadance got drunk together? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "--And the--hic--I said, 'oh, you're gonna banish me to the moon again? Neigh, to the sun with you!" Luna shot up onto the table, mimicking the stuffing of Princess Celestia into the Lunar Yeet Cannon and aiming it instead at the sun. "How's that for a love story, Cady?" Princess Cadance silently sipped her drink. Luna didn't need to know that she'd developed such a tolerance for the stuff that it'd become nearly impossible for her to get drunk. Blame the return of Sombra and subsequently being used as a projectile for that. "Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," Luna slipped back down into the booth and slung a foreleg around Cadance. "Ya wanna come back to my place to play some... vidya gaems?" "L U L U!" Celestia crashed through the ceiling of the bar, still very much engulfed in flames. She swiftly doused herself with a bucket of milk before clearing her throat. "For crimes against me, I'm sentencing you to time-out for three hours." Princess Cadance sipped her drink harder. This was getting interesting. "And I'll--hic--do it again!" Luna lunged for Celestia. Celestia, for her part, scooped up her drunken sister like a misbehaving cat and sauntered out the bar. Yes, Luna was yowling like a cat. > instead of whatever his plan was, Sombra assaulted Canterlot with an army of undead unicorns, riding into the fray? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "BEHOLD!" King Sombra rode in atop his army of undead unicorns. He adjusted his sombrero, as a proper tyrant would. "Citizens of Canterlot, prepare to be subjugated!" Celestia and Luna watched from their balcony as Sombra approached on his wave of undead. "Hey Lulu," Celestia elbowed her sister. "Wanna try out those seeds you bought a while back?" A wide grin spread across Luna's face as she placed a pot on her head. > the Storm King’s invasion was stopped because Luigi appeared and did absolutely nothing? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The Storm King's airships loomed dark over Canterlot..." "...Or at least, they would have." "Mm-hm, mm-hm," Discord scribbled another drawing of himself as the Chad and the storm king as the Soyjak in his notebook. "And how did this happen, might I ask?" A million lives of suffering raced past the Storm King's eyes. "Luigi." "Luigi?" Discord sprung from his seat. "Mama Luigi himself? Adopted mother of Yoshi from the hit TV series Luigi?" The Storm King grimaced. "Yes, yes... I take that you know him?" "Know him?" Discord pulled the Discord mask off of himself as his voice became increasingly a facsimile of an Italian accent. "I am him!" The Storm King's breaths picked up pace. "You took everything from me." Luigi lowered his clipboard. "I did nothing." "You--" "I mean it," Luigi sat down again, replacing his Discord mask. "Just sorta... zoned out, and the next thing I knew, I was standing on top of you!" "You careened out of a random sewage pipe, ricocheted off WHO KNOWS HOW MANY random objects and ponies, crashed headfirst through the side of my flagship INTO ME, and sent the both of us hurtling toward the ground to our doom!" Luigi lifted an arm. "Don't feel very dead. Or doomed." "That's because you landed on top of me." Luigi slowly raised the Poltergust 3000. "I'm not dead either, if that's what you're asking. Just..." The Storm King sighed, laying back down on the couch. "Broke every bone in my body and then discovered new bones to break along the way." > the world of Avatar existed in Equestria? i.e. earth ponies (earth tribe), kirin (fire tribe), pegasi (air tribe), sea ponies (water tribe), bat ponies (shadow tribe), unicorns (spirit tribe), crystal ponies (love tribe), etc. And the Avatar is always a f > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Shadow. Spirit. Love. Long ago, the seven nations lived together in harmony." "Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked." Twilight flipped the camera around. "And then there's me, Twilight! Bender of Friendship." "Uh, Twi?" Spike trailed behind her. "What are you doing?" Twilight swung her comically large net over her shoulder. "Reminding Rainbow Dash that bugging AJ while she's working is a very un-Friendshiply thing to do. You coming with me?" Twilight stared at Derpy as the mare shuffled across the stage with her cardboard horn. "That looks nothing like me." Rainbow Dash punched her in the shoulder. "Nah, that looks exactly like you. But look at how beefy the dude playing AJ is!" Bulk Biceps roared as he obliterated a cardboard tree, sending apples flying everywhere. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP BEFORE ME!" Twilight cried, her mane flapping amongst the swirling debris encircling her. "PRINCESS CELESTIA!" Daybreaker's eyes widened as the tendril of debris rocketed down at her face... only to disperse into a mist. Glimmering specks rained down around her. "I don't want to end you, Celestia," Twilight fluttered down in front of Daybreaker. "You were my mentor once upon a time. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do next." Daybreaker gritted her teeth as she sent a pillar of glowing ice shooting from the ground. "You're not the only one that can bend multiple elements, Twilight! I was destined to be the Avatar once upon a time! I was the one that was meant to bring peace and balance to this world!" Twilight felt the beginnings of Daybreaker's next movement. A fiery orange burst from the surface of the ice, overtaken once again by the frost, then flames again--Twilight blocked the spiderwebbing mesh of ice and flame with a wall of stone. She twisted around from behind the wall and lifted a cone of rock around the raging alicorn, locking her limbs in place before a second panel of stone lifted up to lock around her horn. The mix of fire and ice momentarily died down in Daybreaker's moment of surprise--an opening. Twilight touched her horn against Celestia's own. "What..." Celestia coughed, her prismatic mane draping limp against her body. "What did you do to me?" "The same as what you did to your sister those thousand moons ago. I took away your bending." Celestia blinked, looking around. "This doesn't look like the moon." "Minus the banishment to the moon." > a cat sat in a chair? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "No..." Celestia stammered, backing away as a cat wandered into the throne room. "No, no! Get away!" The cat approached. "Away, you fiend!" Celestia pulled a longsword from behind her throne and pointed it at the cat. "Back off!" The cat approached. Faster. Celestia screamed in terror as the cat hopped onto the throne that she'd just vacated moments prior in her act of drawing the sword. "What have you done?" The cat meowed. It batted at one of the armrests (forelegrests???), causing a small button to emerge. "No, no do not press that button." And of course the cat, being what it was, pressed the button. Sirens immediately blared all around as the lights dimmed to a deep crimson. Celestia continued to scream and scold the cat, but her efforts were for nothing. It'd already been done. "What have you done..." Celestia pulled back, her voice weaker than before. "No..." The cat continued to sit on the throne, which in reality was a random chair that Celestia had stolen from her elementary school many, many years ago. Heavily modified since then, though. The alarms continued to rattle Celestia's skull. Slowly, the room began to tremble. A deep, grinding mechanical noise reverberated through the air as the trembling shifted into a violent rocking. Celestia crouched low to the ground, her eyes locked with the cat's. "It's too late now. Brace yourself." Twilight's jaw dropped as Canterlot Castle quite literally grew legs and walked away. "So that's what she meant when she said she had a mobile home." The ICBM crashed down in the center of Ponyville seconds later. > somepony uses ketchup on sushi? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rarity stared at the splotch of red on Pinkie's plate. "Is that ketchup, darling?" "No," Pinkie's mane deflated as she turned her head, an audible crackling emanating from her neck. "It's blood!" Rarity was about to gasp, but the rapid and explosively violent re-inflation of Pinkie's mane launched her through the window of the restaurant. "Just kidding, it's ketchup!" "What." "What?" What. > Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States of America broke into Pinkie Pie's house to steal her funions? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "IT'S TRICKLE DOWN TIME!" Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America, crashed through the wall Kool-Aid man style. "YOU THERE! COMFORTABLY MIDDLE-CLASS MARE. HAND ME YOUR FUNIONS AND I WILL ENSURE THAT THEY ARE SAFELY KEPT IN THE HANDS OF OUR GREAT MEGACORPORATIONS." Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America, snatched the bag of unions right out of Pinkie's hooves and blasted off in his very much extremely unregulated jetpack, leaving behind a second hole in the ceiling. "TRICKLE DOWN TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America's voice echoed down as he disappeared into the clouds. Pinkie watched a business card flutter down for a local home insurance company. "Huh???" you know it's bad when even pinkie is confused > Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash fought over who could plan the best idea to break into Fluttershy's cottage and steal all of her animals, including Angel bunny, and when Fluttershy finds out about this she pulls a shed.mov and kills them both. No blood r > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Alrighty, Pinkie. You know how weird Flutters is about her animals sometimes. If you were gonna take her animals and hide them somewhere for a day, how'd you do it?" Ponkie Pie thinked. Or did she thonk? Thoinked??? "First," Pinkie smacked her lips in thought. "I'd dig a REAAAAAAALLY big hole under her cottage. And then, I'd pull the ground out from under it and make all the critters fall in! I'd have like this hot air balloon or something at the bottom, and then when they all fall in I'd fly away!" Rainbow Dash blinked. "I uh... thought things were gonna be more complicated than that. Y'know, party planner?" "Yeah! And that's my plan!" "No cannons?" "No cannons. Or else it'd scare away Angel bunny and the other little guys!" Rainbow huffed. "Okay then, well what I would do is walk in, grab an animal, and walk out. Grab another, walk out. Or maybe fly out. I know I'm faster than Flutters, so she wouldn't be able to catch me that way!" Pinkie lifted a brow into orbit. "H-hey! It's a good plan," Rainbow crossed her forelegs (man is that never gonna stop being weird to write). "It's called using what you have! And I have speed!" "Why are we talking about this in Fluttershy's shed again?" The lights cut off. "Hey hey hey, what did I say about going in my shed?" Both mares froze in terror. "And did I hear something about kidnapping my animal friends?" the oddly-gravely voice continued to emanate from behind the door. "Shame. Harry would've loved to play with you." "Uh--" Rainbow raised a hoof. The floor beneath them began to tremble. "Come back another time! Just please don't go into my shed!" Fluttershy's voice returned in full familiarity as the floor opened up, dropping both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash into a giant cannon. "Waitwaitwait--I thought you said no cannons!" Rainbow raced for the opening. "Fluttershy didn't hear that!" Pinkie yelled beneath her. Pinkie and Rainbow joined Pinkie's eyebrow in orbit that day. > Pinkie's eyebrow stopped and repaired a few satellites while it was in orbit? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie's eyebrow drifted through the unconfined abyss of space. Slowly, it approached the wreckage of a space station doomed to eventually de-orbit and crash back down. A singular hair at the edge of her brow brushed up against the mangled surface of the station. With a dramatic thunk, all the dents of the mechanical marvel popped out, every scratch and tear miraculously healing as the thrusters coughed back to life. The station began to move outward again, lifting itself from its death spiral to once again soar. From below, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash conveniently hurtled straight into an open docking bay on the station, which then slammed shut behind them. As for Pinkie's eyebrow, it continued to tumble through space. "Awwww, my favorite satellite TV station is down!" Derpy wailed as she fumbled with the remote. The channel suddenly came back on. "Yaaaay!" "I believe it's safe to say now that we are lost," Luna grumbled under her breath. She stared at the river of boiling rock running past. "This isn't right. The floor is lava." Celestia stood on an upper part of the volcanic hillside, a grin spread wide across her face. "Whoops, GPS signal is back, alright let's head home." "Awww." With its job complete, Pinkie's eyebrow rejoined the mare aboard the renovated space station. > Pinkie stole Celano's pirate ship, only to get attacked by Mickey Mouse (from Steamboat Willie, no relations with Disney) in an effort to turn Pinkie into a musical instrument as they get crossed-attacked by marines from the Grand Line and Cutler Bec > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Yarrrr!" Pinkie squealed in delight as she piloted (former) Captain Celano's pirate ship. We don't speak of what happened to her. "Time to plunder some booty!" "Oh no you don't!" an oddly familiar (but very much public domain!) voice came from behind. Or rather, from above. Pinkie looked up just in time for Mickey Mouse of Steamboat Willie fame to drop straight down on top of her, completely and utterly flattening the ship in the process. Because he was in his own steamboat. You realize just how heavy those things are? At the same time, the remains of the ship that now carried Mickey's ship were rammed by another ship that'd somehow veered far, far off the Grand Line, as well as the Endeavor. With the Flying Dutchman stacked on top of it. Yeah there are a LOT of smashed-up ships piled up there right now. > Pinkies eyebrow was Batpony? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie's eyebrow perched atop a building in Gotham City. No, not that Gotham. This one's pronounced, "Got-ham". I smell crime smells, the eyebrow thought, for it had no mouth and it must scream. And because crime smells are very bad no-good smells, the eyebrow unfolded itself, flapping off into the night for another exciting adventure in crimefighting. "And now, kids, it's time for you all to explode!" Joker cackled in front of the flock of goats he'd stolen. One of the goats took a bite out of his shoe. "Well that's awfully rude of you," Joker picked up the goat with a snarl. "But I'm feeling generous today. You, dear, will be the first to expl--" Pinkie's eyebrow pummeled Joker into the ground. Somehow. I just realized that I completely and entirely misread the prompt. Too late. > something something Sweetie Giraffe for Starfire111110? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "How's the weather up there?" "Shut up!" Sweetie Giraffe stared down at the absolutely tiny, minuscule, completely and entirely PATHETIC, pony, far, far below. "I'm serious!" the tiny and insignificant pony yelled back up. "How's the wea--" Sweetie Giraffe walked away from the crater that now shot through to the other side of the world. And through the moon. And the sun after that. And then it pierced through the center of the galaxy. Sweetie Giraffe, of course, was taller than all of them. Combined. "SCOOTAROO." Sweetie Giraffe boomed from above, her persona finally catching up to her height. "WHAR IZ SCOOTAROO?" Scootaroo, the tallest and floppiest kangaroo known to exist, flopped before Sweetie Giraffe. "AM HERE." "AND A🅱🅱LE 🅱LOOM?" A🅱🅱le 🅱loom lumbered up beside her, also tall as ever, being a fellow giraffe associate of Sweetie. "FRIENDS." Sweetie Giraffe boomed from above both of them. "DESTROY UNIVERSE." A🅱🅱le 🅱loom and Scootaroo both saluted. 💥💥💥 > Joker gave Pinkie scars like his own, by making her eat a sharp hamburger? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Pinkie, what happened to your face?" "Sharp hamburger." Twilight lowered her book. "Sharp hamburger," Pinkie repeated, holding up the patented JokerBurger with Razor Lettuce. "With extra ketchup." > Pinkie's eyebrow went and got a Subway footlong? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie's eyebrow rang the bell at the front counter of the local Subway. Why is there a Subway in the middle of Ponyville, where just about nopony eats meat? Who knows! I don't. Anyway, Pinkie's eyebrow rang the bell again. Harder. "Yes, yes, I'm coming," a tired-sounding stallion emerged from the back room. No, not The Backrooms. The back room. He stared at Pinkie's eyebrow. Pinkie's eyebrow stared back. Somehow. "What kind of bread would you li--" "Italian herbs and cheese, black forest ham with lettuce, tomato, and onion, sweet onion dressing, and mayonnaise!" Pinkie's eyebrow chirped. "Bing bong," the stallion muttered under his breath as he pulled a loaf of totally-not-legally-classified-as-cake-in-Ireland bread out. " Would you like it to be a footlong? Pinkie's eyebrow nodded. Somehow. "Would you like it to be toasted?" More nodding. How does an eyebrow even nod? The stallion stared at the bits that the eyebrow had somehow procured. Then at the eyebrow, which was holding the Subway footlong it'd just ordered. And was now eating. what the heck > Twilight ate all of Rainbow Dash's McDonald's fries? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight psychologically inverted her door. "Rainbow." Rainbow Dash slowly chewed on her fries, paying no attention to Twilight as she continued reading her steamy Wonderbolt fanfiction. "Rainbowwwwww," Twilight snaked up to Rainbow's side, peering over her shoulder. Rainbow Dash imitated a cow in her slow and methodological chewing of her fries. Twilight ignored the noises that resulted and waved a hoof in front of Rainbow. The pegasus brushed Twilight aside with a wing. She reached for another fry. Twilight vacuumed up the entire greasy bag into her mouth. She then plucked the last fry from Rainbow's hoof and ate that too. "Hey--" Rainbow finally looked away from her fanfiction just in time for Twilight to flee the room, cackling like a madmare. > Spike invented Bounty paper towels? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spike grinned as he held up the roll of Bounty® paper towels. "I made this." Celestia gasped the hardest she'd ever gasped, s t r o n c h i n g back in pure awe as her eyes were opened to a new ultimate deity. The soft, absorbant sheets of processed tree carcass, the barely-intricate patterns stamped into each and every easy-to-tear sheet, the pure... pure cylindricalness of the invention... "A--" Celestia peeped before fading into nothingness. Spike took a slow bite out of the paper towel roll. > TWO prompts were used in this chapter? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie's eyebrow flapped in approval at the newly-created backrooms. Good work was good work, and this for sure was good work. Nopony would escape the clutches of the backrooms now! Twilight absentmindedly lifted an onion ring to her muzzle, opening her mouth just in time for Rainbow Dash to sonic rainboom her across Ponyville, causing great bodily harm to all involved save for Rainbow herself. She picked up the entire bag of onion rings and snarfed them down. The greasy bag dropped from her face, exposing her to the view of a neverending sprawl of yellow-glazed walls upon walls. > Blueblood married King Sombra? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Mawwiage is what bwings us together today," the pony that totally wasn't a double-agent infiltrating the very fabric of the universe from beyond the fourth wall began slowly. Blueblood batted his eyelashes at an absolutely smitten King Sombra. "Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wuv, true wuv, will follow you forever," the pony continued, pausing to flip the page of the screenplay they were quoting. "So tweasure your wu--" "WUBZ!" DJ PON-3 burst through the backdrop blasting dubstep that shook the earth to its very core. The ground trembled beneath the two lovebirds, the definitely not an infiltrating fourth-waller, and the DJ. Vinyl Scratch turned down the volume. Just for a little bit. But still, the rumbling continued. A crack formed right between the aisles. Crunch. The ground noticeably bulged right where the crack had developed. Crunch. It was a sort of thumping sound, like someone was trying to break free. Crunch. Tirek roared as he burst through the ground, thrusting a bouquet at the married couple with enough force to wipe Canterlot off the face of the planet multiple times over. Naturally, Blueblood caught it. With his face. "My love!" King Sombra rushed after the still-soaring Blueblood who was now approaching orbital velocities. "Curse you, Tirek!" "It is you that should be cursed!" Tirek pointed a beefy finger at Sombra. "Cheater!" The pony who was definitely not a commenter of What If 2, Eclectic Scootaloo, shied away from the commotion as Vinyl Scratch put the dubstep back on. > kirins burned down Canterlot in celebration of Chineighs New Year? and part of the Kirin's New Year celebration involves shooting fireworks at each other? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kirin #42069 fired a firework at Kirin #123456. Unfortunately, it missed and instead hit Canterlot. Right in the Celestia. But, this merely burnt away the eons-old visage of an Alicorn that Celestia had donned all these years! For she was in reality... *gasp* An Alikirin! What is an Alikirin, you may ask? "No, I didn't as--" I'm very happy to answer your non-question, random citizen that can hear the deranged voice in the sky! An Alikirin is an Alicorn and a Kirin! It's right in the name and it most assuredly means the end of us all. Celestikirin burst through the roof of the now-burning Canterlot Castle and yeeted Celestigoat into the nearest volcano. This is the year of the dragon dangit, and that meant it was time to steal adopt a new dragon egg to force upon her next student! Also she may or may not have fired a rocket launcher at Kirin #42069. what > Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "STATE UR PURPOSE," Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat boomed. "OR BE CORNED." "Please, my son!" Princess Celestia cradled a half-eaten burrito in her forelegs as she knelt before the savior Equestria clearly didn't want, but most certainly needed. "He is very sick!" The burrito gave a weak cough. It lifted a soggy flap of tortilla wrap and gently caressed Celestia's cheek. "It's okay mama, I was a good burrito. I destroyed the toilet using only half my power." "UR PURPOSE IS VALID," Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat boomed again. "YOUSE SON WILL RECEIVE EXTRA LIFE." Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat started choking something up before regurgitating a Super Mario Bros™ one-up mushroom. She immediately mashed it into a fine paste on the marbled ground and smeared the results of her efforts across the burrito. "Oh! Bless you forever!" Celestia hailed Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat. "Bless you to the sun and back! My son is healthy once more thanks to you!" The once-again inanimate burrito dropped to the floor. Celestia stared at it. Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat stared at it. "Is anypony gonna eat that?" Luna peered out from the vents. whattheHECKdidijustwrite > Luna found a nacho cheese fountain and claimed it was the fountain of youth (while drunk with chrysalis)? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hu-*huc*-zzah!" Luna pointed a floppy hoof at the nearby nacho cheese fountain that was conveniently placed in a conveniently-placed location very conveniently. How convenient. "Ze fountain of YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTH!" "Pssssh, youth?" Chrysalis transformed in a burst of green flame into a... slightly less drunk Chrysalis. "Why have YOUTH when you can have oof?" "What." "What?" Chrysalis took a sip from the nacho cheese fountain and promptly ascended to godhood. > RainbOwO Dash used her powers of cringe to resurrect the Shadowobolts? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HEWWOOOOO!" RainbOwO Dash e m e r g e d from the ground upon which a blood sacrifice had been performed in her honor. "WAO! DAS A LOTTA BWOOD!" The pony cultist wearing a hood that had previously gone unnoticed until now remained still, their head bowed in prayer. RainbOwO Dash OwO'd. "AWE YOU A NEW FWIEND?" "More than a friend, in fact," the cultist began. They placed a plastic spork covered in an unknown red stain before RainbOwO. "Please, accept this meager offering in your name." "THANKIESSSSSS," RainbOwO took the spork. Immediately, lightning struck the spork which was in reality studded with random flecks of metal, dispersing the cringe energy from RainbOwO and allowing it to settle into the ground. Said ground trembled. "HUZZAH, WE LIVE!" unnamed Shadowbolt #3 burst from the ground with a cackle. RainbOwO gasped. "EVEN MOWE FWIENDS!" what > applejack stayed with her aunt and uncle orange and become, Orangejack, a spoiled brat that speaks sophisticated, wears elaborate outfit with tons of makeup and her mane styled into a large beehive shape > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rarity stared at Orangejack and her large beehive shape style mane. It was a very large beehive, and she was almost certain that there were actual bees contained within. Orangejack wiggled her brow. "Darling darling, darling." Rarity gasped. "Why, I never! Three darlings in a row? What are you? Some kind of Canterlot nobility?" Orangejack summoned a pair of sunglasses as she (somehow) made a double finger-guns gesture at Rarity. "Right on, my fair maiden." If it weren't for the incorporeal ether having banished her for unspeakable crimes only half an hour earlier, Rarity would've left the physical realm right then and there. A lone bee buzzed out of Orangejack's large beehive shape style mane. "Darling, you have a--" "Bee, yes, I am quite aware," Orangejack nodded along. "Now please, get along and lay out the carpet for me. I cannot go anywhere without my red carpet!" Historians say that that was the day an earth pony first learned self-propelled flight. > Big Mac filled the Ponyville reservoir with pop rocks and cola and it wasn't the first time? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "First time?" the hooded pony kept their gaze on the gently rippling surface of the reservoir. "Ehhhnope." "Good," the figure chuckled, momentarily breaking out of the hoarse horse voice that they put on. They cleared their throat. "The newbies always get scared when it happens." Big Mac held out a bag of bits. "Ya got the stuff?" A deep blue aura surrounded the bag and exchanged it with another, more colorful bag. "And the Drink, as you asked." Big Mac tore the bag open. He shook a few colorful pebbles into his mouth before dumping the rest into the water below. At the same time, the hooded figure took a swig of a darkish liquid in a bottle. They followed Big Mac's lead in pouring out the rest. "And now we wait," the figure sat back. "Eeyup." The ground began to rumble beneath them. Little tremors that disturbed the otherwise calm waters. It wasn't an earthquake kind of rumbling, nor was it a thumping sort of rumbling. No, it was-- The water turned a bright neon pink. The figure beneath the hood blinked. "That wasn't supposed to happen." "Nope." The entire reservoir promptly erupted with enough force to send both Big Mac and the (now unhooded) Princess Luna to the moon. Again. > the Nacho Cheese made you very smol? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Chrysalis." "Celestia. My powers have grown since we last met." Celestia made a face at the puny bug horse in front of her. "Are you really sure about that?" Chrysalis the flea-sized changeling buzzed up in front of Celestia. "Very." "Very well then," Celestia shifted into a fighting stance. "Come at me with all you've got. I'll be careful not to squish yo--" Celestia was then sucker-punched out of Canterlot Castle. From that day onward, bug spray was henceforth outlawed across the land. > Pinkie managed to turn the cosmos to cupcake frosting but it was pickle flavored? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Milky Way? More like Frosty Way, amirite?" Pinkie Pie elbowed the utterly flabbergasted Twilight Sparkle. "How--" Twilight sputtered as she stared through the telescope. "How did you even do that?" Pinkie shrugged even though Twilight very obviously couldn't see her. "Dunno. There was this weird elf thing under my bed last night and I was talking about how it'd be cool if the cosmos turned into frosting! And then the elf thing turned into a pickle. Funniest thing I'd ever seen!" "What." "What? Ooh, you wanna taste it?" "Hu--" Twilight pulled away from the telescope just in time for Pinkie to somehow extend a spoon off the surface of the planet, out of the atmosphere, across the solar system, and into interstellar space to sample the interstellar medium that makes up the vast stretches of matter that have yet to be consumed by the production of stars and planets. The very act of doing this involved movement speeds so fast, in fact, that Pinkie Pie had once again torn the fabric of reality to shreds, inadvertently dooming precisely two and a half budding alien civilizations to an early fate of hoof-induced gamma-ray bursts before being swallowed by a cacophony of micro-black holes left in the wake of Pinkie's hypersonic hoof. And then she stuffed the spoon in Twi's mouth. "Huh, pickles." "Wait WHAT?" > Nacho Cheese that makes you small was especially effective on a particular character known for being tall? And what ever is in the next chapter of What If became canon? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Quick, this way," Rainbow Dash ushered Scootaloo down the alleyway. She winced, causing the filly to pause. "No no, keep going, I'll be fine." "But you're hurt, Rainbow!" Scootaloo backtracked and braced herself beneath Rainbow's injured wing. "And I am not leaving you behind. Not this time." The deranged screech of Sweetie Giraffe echoed behind them. Rainbow's good ear swiveled. "We gotta hurry then. Sweetie Belle would know how to counter her giraffe counterpart the best. She showed me and Twi what she was working on last time we visited." Scootaloo scampered the best she could down the alley while supporting Rainbow. "Twilight..." "She knows we tried. We gotta--" A scorching beam of red obliterated a wall beside them. "Go, go!" Rainbow shoved Scootaloo forward. Her eyes scrambled for something to defend herself. Something. Anything. They landed on a discarded bucket of 'Nacho Cheese that makes you very smol'. Without a moment to lose, Rainbow dove for the bucket as Sweetie Giraffe incinerated yet another object shorter than she was. She grit her teeth through the pain, flapping both wings as hard as she could. What lift she could still generate was hardly enough to even reach the neck of the abomination, but it was something at the very least. "Hey!" Rainbow Dash braced herself against the remains of the wall, bucket of cheese in her grasp. "How about a little snack?" Somehow, in some luck-induced way, Sweetie Giraffe's attention shot to Rainbow. Not out of malice, but curiosity. "They say you can fascinate a woman by giving her a piece of cheese," Rainbow slowly crept into the light. "And I've got a bucket full of the stuff right here." "ASCEND BUCKET." Sweetie Giraffe's voice boomed from above the clouds. Rainbow sucked in a breath. "Alright then." With a triumphant beat of her wings, she shot skyward with speed that she hadn't experienced in years. Higher and higher she rose with every flap, yet at the same time the weaker she became. Her breaths came labored and heavy by the time she merely surpassed the heights of the surrounding buildings. But still, she pressed on. An idea slipped into her mind as she prepared for another flap. She began to swing the bucket. Sweetie Giraffe semi-patiently waited for this supposedly fascinating piece of cheese to enter her line of sight. A bucket shot up from beneath the clouds and splashed its cheesy contents all over her neck. "Did I make it?" Rainbow's voice came from below. "NEGATORY." The rage built in Sweetie Giraffe's voice as the cheese... soaked in? A strange tremor rippled through her body. "WHAT DO TO ME." Sweetie Giraffe screeched, firing her eye-lasers down at Rainbow's presumed location. "FEEL STRANGE. NOT GOOD." With a quiet pop, a much smaller and very heavily doused in cheese version of Sweetie Giraffe unceremoniously split off from her presumed mother in a miraculous act of angry giraffe mitosis. "HENLO. AM CHEESY GIRAFFE. MOMTHER." Cheesy Giraffe shouted up at Sweetie Giraffe. This is now canon btw. > Prince Blueblood was actually Robot Prince Blueblood? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rarity batted her eyes at Prince Blueblood. "So, what do you do as part of your princely duties?" Blueblood hiccupped. "I drink oil." Rarity batted her eyes again. Well, more like blinked. Awkwardly. "I beg your pardon?" "I drink oil," Prince Blueblood repeated. "Is... this something that commoners are not accustomed to?" "E-excuse me, I must use the restroom." Rarity clutched her Motorola Razr™, staring as the call was sent. "Hello, this is Twilight Sparkle, magical girl extraordinaire! Please state your business and preferred way of termination, and we will be right with you. If this is about library fees, cancellations, or extensions, please press one. If this call is urgent, please press two." Rarity pressed two the best that she could given that she had hooves. "Oh hey Rarity," Twilight's voice came through a few seconds later. "Spike's been teaching me how to not be a shut-in NEET. Something need beating up again?" "I have some questions for you. You grew up in Canterlot, yes?" "...Yeah?" "Did you ever drink oil?" She heard a surprised cough escape Twilight. "Excuse me?" "Blueblood says that he drinks oil, and asked if it was something that commoners didn't understand. Try as I might to fit in with the nobility, my upbringing was certainly far from such a high status. So. Did you drink oil?" "No???" Twilight sputtered. "I mean, I've drunken my fair share of uncommon drinks from the all-nighters I pull, but oil? Are you sure Blueblood isn't crazy?" A knock came at the door of the restroom. "Rarity my darling, are you struggling to have bowel movements?" "Rarity, what's going on?" "Just tell me if you've ever drank oil!" "No!" The knock came again. "Do your gears need recalibration, my love?" "Just a second!" Rarity shouted back. "Twilight, what do I do?" "What has he been drinking tonight?" "Wine. Why?" "Order him a cup of water." The knocking at the door had grown into a heavy pounding now. "Biological unit Rarity Belle, please state your issue." Rarity hung up and stepped out of the stall. She slammed the door open. "Darling! You simply mustn't act so rude! A woman spends her time as she pleases!" Blueblood's eyes stopped glowing. "Apologies, my dear. Shall we continue our dinner?" Rarity nodded. "I do believe that you should drink some water, however. All this wine you've been having is making you act rather strangely." "...Water?" Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Water." Blueblood hissed. "Why would I drink such plebian filth? I only consume the finest of wines and oils!" "How--" Rarity shook her head. She peered past Blueblood at an empty table and the drinks that'd been left behind. On it was a glass of clear liquid. She lifted the cup off the table and floated it over. "Darling, have you ever tasted water? Commoner or not, it is simply refreshing!" Blueblood sniffed the cup. "Intriguing. It does not smell like the water I know. I believe this shall be safe for my internal anatomy to consume." He took the entire glass of Sprite Cranberry and downed it in one gulp. And then promptly exploded. > Celestia kept an infinite supply of Blueblood bot backups and Rarity can never actually be rid of him? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rarity flung another cup of non-oil, non-alcoholic nondescript beverage at the third Blueblood bot. Within seconds of the liquid touching the surface of the otherwise perfectly "normal"-looking robot, said bot also blew up. "TWILIGHT!" Rarity barked into her phone. "Where the hay are all of these Bluebloods coming from?" Twilight stared at the phone, her face illuminated only by the device's screen. "Twilight," Celestia pushed open the door. "I take that the upgrades are complete?" The lights came on. Twilight kneeled before Celestia. "They are, Your Highness. The fifth and sixth generations of Bluebots are ready for deployment." "And Rarity?" "She is none the wiser, Celestia. The data we are collecting from her attacks will be crucial in the training of future generations." Celestia stalked past her student. "Good. I expect that in due time, your imported technological skill may be a crucial asset in this upcoming conflict." > Spike became a mole for Rarity in the BlueBot operation? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Alright, Spike. Been busy all day with the devteam. How's today's production run?" "Two-hundred thousand units are ready, with a million more on the way," Spike didn't bother looking up from his comic. "As requested, each BlueBot has been fitted with the most organic-looking artificial skin and hair that we can produce." Twilight nodded with an air of nobility. "Excellent. And I expect that you've integrated the personality cores that I've developed?" "Mm-hm." "Very well then," Twilight turned to leave with a flick of her tail. "Have a good evening, Spike." "You too, Twi." He waited for the door to shut before extracting the recording device from the seam between pages on his comic. He crept low along the floor to the closest vent, giving one last cursory glance at the still-closed door before peeling open the loose grate. Spike slid the recording device across the table to Rarity. "Tonight's check-in, alongside data that I collected while surveying the production run earlier in the day. I hope this helps." Rarity took the device and tucked it into her mane. She'd have to thank Pinkie for teaching her that when she had the chance. "Thank you, darling. We'll take it from here. Stay safe." "I will." > Bluebots were secretly plotting against Twilight and Rarity too? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Bluebot #60175-178, reporting in," Bluebot #60175-178 saluted. "To what am I summoned for?" Bluebot #1760-2 saluted back. "Are you aware of our counter-operation against our makers, Bluebot #60175-178?" "I am indeed, Bluebot #1760-2. Twilight Sparkle must be eliminated at all costs, am I correct?" "Yes." "And Rarity is being taken care of?" "Bluebot #156031-4 is trailing her as we speak. Is the steamroller ready, Bluebot #1760-2?" "Yes." "We ride at dawn." > e > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- so one day twibert spkrlerz (pronownsed "sprinklerz!1!!!1!") waked up and saws the SUN! "wow are youse the moon?" twibert askedededededed the sun. "no I am the moon and you are big dum." twibert was very sad because the moon was the moon and the sun was the sun so she wented to rawitee's house and sayed "please, Grammarly! you're killin' me with your autocorrect in my intentionally terrible chapter!" rawitee did not heaw twibee becuz she was wering airpods. "E." tiwily said. "E." rawits said also. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." celestia said when she smawsed thwoo the roof. and then they all turned into BATS! and the flew around like bats and said "eeeee" like bats because they were bats and then the batman showed up and said "I awnt to be a bat too" and turned into a bat as well and dracula also came in and said he wanted to be a bat and turned into a bat and so they were all suddenly batpones and stuff. "waow." saiz twibert the bat. "we are all batponies." celestia eated her tea. "yes." > one of the Bluebots was a mole? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Bluebot #69420-42, why are you like this?" Bluebot #69420-42 continued digging, completely ignoring Bluebot #62889-765. "Bluebot #69420-42. Are your microphones inactive? I await your response." "Dig." "That is rather uncouth of an action for a Bluebot unit such as yourself to perform." "I'm not a Bluebot, I'm a mole!" Bluebot #69420-42 continued to dig. "I wanna find wooooooooooooorms!" "...This is not what our programming dictates us to do when the term 'mole' was defined, Bluebot #69420-42." "I don't care! Worms!" > Equestria literally fell? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Celesticat stared at the Equestria on the counter. "Don't do it, Celly," Luna slowly moved her recently-transformed sister's paw away. "I know you want to." Celesticat unfortunately still has a horn. You know what happens next. > Shining Armor found the Holy Hand Grenade? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chrysalis shrieked as Shining Armor aimed his lob of the Holy Hand Grenade directly at her snoot, wife-throwing style. "WAITWECANTALKABOUTTHISWHYAREYOUDOINGTHISI'MYOURWIFEAREN'TI?????" Shining Armor lowered the HHG with a sigh. "You're right. We can talk about this." Funny bug horse sighed a sigh that sounded like a sigh. "Thank y--" "Talk about how the killer bunny will be put in this room with you ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyygottem!" Queen Krispylist stared in abject horror as Shining Armor dabbed. He slowly backed out of the room, now donning some cool sunglasses that sorta just appeared and double magical finger-guns. Blame Flurry Heart the iPad kid. A small white bunny was teleported into the room the moment he slammed the door shut. Crysalis screamed.