One Mistake
Learning to Cope
Chapter 1
One Mistake
A/N: This was once a One-shot but it was turned into a full story cause... well i wanted to.
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Spike's P.O.V.
"You're growing up Spike!" Twilight said happily as I was having growing pains for the millionth time that week. It was true, I had talked to her about growing up and as per usual she turned to her books. Unfortunately we didn't find anything.
'Spike this is great, when your fully grown you can exact your revenge on those who oppressed you,' I heard the sinister voice in my head tell me. It's been there since my birthday.
"Shut up, I'm not hurting anyone!" I yell angrily at the voice forgetting Twilight was there.
"What was that Spike?" she asked puzzled at my sudden outburst. "I'm not asking you to hurt anyone," she said in a concerned tone. "Are you ok Spike? You've had outbursts like that for a while now."
"No I'm fine Twilight," I lied trying to hide my insanity from her. I really didn't wanna worry her with my problems; she had too much to worry about as is. "I thought I heard someone speak is all."
"Oh, ok Spike, I'm here to lend an ear if you need me to okay?" she sounded like she bought my lie. "I need some herbs from Everfree, you mind going to get some for me. "
"I'm cool with it, what herb, where and for what?" I asked confused at her vague request.
"Just some basil, there's a field of it just north of Zecora's place. We just ran out and no shop in Ponyville sells it"
"Oh that, ok ill do that," I said grabbing. "Need anything else while I'm out?" I asked in a helpful mood.
"Nope that's it."
"Ok Twi, I'll be back soon," I said walking out the door. I walked quickly through the forest, not stopping for any reason. I came to the clearing where Twilight told me to go. I found a group of ponies there. I recognized them as citizens of Ponyville, they were having a picnic amongst the herbs and trees.
'Oh look Spike they're having a little picnic.' The voice said, tone dripping with murderous intent. 'You can easily slaughter them you know, no one will miss them." It said persuasively.
"Stop it," I reply, "I'm just here to get the herb, that's it,"
'Fine I'll do it then,' he said sarcastically. I felt a touch on my shoulder and all of the sudden I felt detached, like I wasn't moving my body.
'What did you do,' I asked my voice not resonating
"I took control, so I can do what YOU can't," the voice said, his voice replacing mine. He took a sharp, full inhale before letting out a jet of fire, normal color, not green like mine, igniting and destroying the herbs and spreading to the trees. The picnicing ponies didn't notice in time and got burned to death in the blaze.
"Stop!" I yell, my voice back in my own body. I saw the burnt landscape in front of me, I look down to see the burning corpses of the ponies convulsing as if they were still alive. I couldn't stand what I saw and ran, all the way back to Ponyville. I couldn't return without the herb though, so I decided to ask around see if anyone knows others places I can get some.
"Excuse me!" I yell running up to a random passerby. "Do you know any place I can get some Basil?" I ask, panting because I had just run her from the forest.
He shook his head no and walked off. In fact everypony either didn't know or told me to go look in the forest. I was beginning to lose hope, the last pony I asked told me that he had some and that I looked desperate so he lead me to his house. He was a unicorn pony, short height, green body, black mane. "I-I have money if you need me to pay." I said hesitantly following him
"It's ok little guy," he said kindly. "You look desperate so its free of charge."
'Desperate!' the voice raged. 'Spike kill this moron, show him what happens to those who insult us!' it said menacingly.
I chose to ignore it as I followed the stallion into his house. He levitated a bag into my hand. "There you go little guy! Take care," he nodded while talking
I felt a tap on my shoulder again and got the same detached feeling. 'Oh no,' I silently pleaded. 'Please don't! Please!' I pleaded as I involuntarily pounced on the pony, bared claws cutting open his neck as he fell to the floor gasping for air.
"Next time, don't call me desperate," the voice spat before igniting the Pony's tail on fire. It slowly spread up and pretty soon he was completely burning. It ran out the back and into the forest. It decided to stop running at a few points, usually to create even more gruesome scenes using wildlife, ponies or anything it came across that was killable. I regained control of my body soon after, and I found myself behind the library. I lost my composure. Tears streaming down my face, innocence broken by what I saw. "Why," was all I was able to say.
'Oh come on Spike, they were going to die anyway, I just brought it sooner,'
"T-That's not what I meant you psycho!" I choke out between sobs.
'You're words hurt Spike.' It mocked. 'Besides, no one will know its you. Your fire is green, and it was normal fire that burned them,'
"I don't care,"
'I promise I won't hurt any of those close to you, ok?'
"P-Promise?"
'Yes Spike, I DO worry about you,'
"Ok I trust you, for now," I regained a little composure, enough to walk into the library.
I walked immediately to the bathroom to clean myself off. I saw Twilight reading something downstairs as I walked out, she instantly hopped up and ran over. "Spike, what happened, you look awful, are you ok?"
"I'm fine Twilight," I said trying to put on a happy mask. "Sorry I couldn't get the herb, I got a little lost," I say rubbing the back of my head in embarrassment.
"Spike," she said in a stern tone. "I can tell you've been lying to me. I had hoped you'd tell me by yourself." Her tone changed from stern to concern. "Please Spike just tell me, I won't judge you."
"I-I'm just irritable because of these growing pains. It's nothing to worry about Twi," I lied once again trying to get away with it.
'You can tell her Spike,' the voice said, its tone dripping with venom.
"I don't know if I can believe that," Twilight said, stern tone coming back.
"Really?" I say in a relieved tone, completely ignoring Twilight.
'Of course Spike, I'll just have to kill her if she finds out!' it said sinisterly just trying to irk me.
"Yes Spike I know these things," Twilight said still in the stern tone. "Now tell me please."
"NO!" I yell at the voice in resentment. "YOU CAN'T HURT HER! YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T HURT THOSE CLOSE TO ME!"
'I lied,' it said maliciously.
"Spike," Twilight said now really concerned. "There's something not wrong with you, I don't know what it is, but I know it's not
natural." Twilight's tone changed to motherly as she placed a hoof on my shoulder. "Please Spike, let me help you."
I felt the touch she placed on my shoulder and panicked. Every time the voice took control I felt the same feeling. "GET OFF!" I yell breathing out a jet of flame.
The flame narrowly missed Twilight and singed a few Books. "Spike, I'm not going to hurt you. What's wrong!" Twilight yelled slightly panicking.
"SHUT UP SHUT UP!" I yelled jumping back. "I don't trust you; you wanna make me hurt innocents ponies!" I yelled lunging at Twilight with my claws bared. She tried to dodge but was too slow. My claws made a fresh gash open in her side. "I won't hurt anypony ever again!,"
"S-Spike," Twilight stuttered with tears in her eyes. "Y-You did hurt somepony,"
'YOU hurt her, not me!' it said maniacally laughing.
"T-Twilight," I said snapping back to reality. I saw the gash on her side and the blood on my claws. "No," I mumbled feebly. Tears fell down my face as my sanity started waning. I stood shaking in the same spot, not daring to move.
Twilight slowly walked over to where I was standing. "Spike, I want you to know." She started calmly. "I still love you. Nothing will ever change that."
I looked up to meet her eyes expecting anger. Instead I was met with warm forgiving eyes, showing that all was forgiven. I lost my composure and backed away, stumbling a bit as I stepped backwards. "Get back please Twi," I managed to say. "I-I don't wanna hurt you. I'm just a monster." Tears now freely falling from down my cheeks. "I-I'm a murderer, I don't deserve to live!" I wail, now hysterical.
As soon as I said that I was met by a hoof slapping my across the face, "Don't ever say that again Spike." Twilight said in her stern voice again, "You aren't a monster. The Spike I know would never willingly harm anypony. He definitely wouldn't be feeling sorry for himself and avoiding everything." She said pulling me into an embrace.
"Dear Celestia, Twilight what's wrong with me," I shakily speak, slowly becoming hysterical.
"That's what I need to know Spike. Now, we are going to clean up this mess, sit down and talk about this ok? And you're not going to hurt anypony and everything will be back to normal ok?" She said lovingly as she ended to embrace.
"O-ok" I said feebly walking to the singed bookshelf as Twilight went to the bathroom to clean her cut.
"Now," Twilight started after the library was cleaned. "Tell me what's wrong Spike, please."
'Don't tell her Spike!' the voice interjected. 'You know what'll happen.'
"No, I'm not letting you control me," I say trying to remain calm. "I have a homicidal psychotic voice in my head that coaxes me to kill and destroy things. If I don't follow it, it takes control and does it itself. I'm tired of it controlling me. Please Twilight, I want my sanity back."
'YOU BRAT,' the voice screamed in my mind. 'You WILL obey me!' It said trying to sync with my mind.
I felt my head throb as I involuntarily leapt up from the chair I was sitting in. "Twilight run!" I yelled hastily trying to get control back.
"Spike stop please." Twilight pleaded stepping back.
"I can't control my body Twilight, I can't stop." I said back beginning to panic as I involuntarily breathed flame at Twilight who managed to dodge barely.
"Spike, I'm going to attempt to fix this, just remember that I will always love you, even if this goes wrong." She said sending a wave of telekinesis to pin me against the wall. "Spike, my precious Son. I'm sorry for what I'm going to do." Twilight said with tears in her eyes.
"Please Twilight; I don't wanna live like this. Whatever you can do please do it quickly!" I manage to choke out desperately.
"I'm sorry if this doesn't work." Her horn started to glow. "Just know I did this for you. Mind, Break…" She paused and took a deep breath, trying to gain composure. "NOW!" I felt a snapping feeling in my head as I lost consciousness, I smile graced my face as I fell to the floor, I knew the voice wasn't there anymore.
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Twilight's P.O.V.
Its been 2 hours and Spike is still unconscious. I was in the kitchen contemplating what I'd just done. Based on what he told me, I used the mind break spell. Whatever consciousness was dominant at that point would be broken, considering the "voice" had control, it should work.
I heard stirring upstairs and the door open. A few seconds later Spike appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. He looked… blank, which was the only word to describe it. He walked over to me and looked blankly at me. I heard his stomach growl as he walked over to the pantry, grabbed a plate of gems and sat down across from me. "Spike, are you feeling better?" I asked confused at his current state.
He just blankly stared back and shrugged.
"You don't know? Anything hurt? Do you feel lightheaded?" I ask trying to get some sort of answer.
He just blankly shook his head. I was starting to worry about him so I decided to ask more questions. "Can you talk Spike?"
He nodded, followed by a long awkward silence.
"Do you want to talk?"
He shook his head.
"So you want to be quiet,"
"No,"
"Ok… do you want to go back to sleep?"
"No,"
"Do you want to go see everyone?"
"No,"
"What DO you want to do?"
He shrugged.
I was beginning to worry, and become a bit annoyed. "Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. You gave me a scare Spike. I love you very much Spike."
"Ok," he said blankly. He continued eating his food.
"So, you continue eating I have something I need to attend to ok?"
He flashed thumbs up half heartedly
I walked out of the kitchen over to my desk. I needed to ask the princess what to do. I quickly wrote a letter explaining everything that had happened: the voice, Spike's behavior, his pains, and even his current situation. I asked Spike to send the letter off and he did it, very blankly. It was like he didn't feel anything, like he lost all feelings and all caring. I decided to try and find an answer, surely the library holds something.
I heard a knock on the front door a few hours later. "Come in, its open!" I called out halfheartedly. I heard the door open and someone walk into the room. "Can whatever this is hold on for a bit? I'm a little busy." I said without looking up from the book I was reading.
"My dear student, I'm aware your busy, I'm here to help," I heard someone familiar chuckle behind me.
"Princess Celestia!" I freaked turning around. "You didn't say you were coming over."
"I wanted this visit to be casual. I needed to check on things in person." She said walking toward me. "Where is Spike?"
"Spike? I think he went to the bedroom. I'll get him." I said beginning to run upstairs,
"No need. I'll just go up there myself," she said walking up the stairs. I hastily followed her not wanting to be left behind.
"Spike! The Princess needs to see you!" I called out to the bedroom.
I see his silhouette get up from his basket and walk over. "Spike, sit down please I need to check something." He sat down where he was and Celestia kneeled down to his level. Her horn started glowing. A few minutes later she stood back up and walked out of the room. She beckoned me to follow her. We walked down the stairs to the main room and stood in silence for
a minute.
"Why didn't you come to me before acting my student?" The princess said finally breaking the silence.
"Princess, I," I began hesitantly.
"I told you when Spike was put into your care to come to me if something troublesome developed with him." She said in a stern tone. "Dragons are mysterious creatures my student, a lot of developmental stages they go through seem strange or common ailments to other creatures." She stopped speaking and looked up toward the bedroom Spike was in. "Any harmful magical experience could stunt or completely halt the process."
"W-What exactly did I do Princess?" I asked fearing the Princesses possible actions.
"My student, are you aware that adult dragons have 2 personalities?"
I meekly shook my head. I was beginning to have an idea of the damage I had caused.
"They have their normal personality and a sort of temper personality. When a dragon begins to mature, another side of the dragon will form. The kind varies from dragon to dragon, but it is almost always violent. I could be murderous or mischievous and everything in between. The more violent the other side is, the stronger the dragon will become." She said walking over to the window and looking at the sky. "This phase of a dragon's maturation process resembles a mental ailment known as schizophrenia." She paused before looking back at me with a warming gaze. "Or at least that's what I've read, you're the only student I've ever let raise the dragon they hatch." She said chuckling in a warm tone.
"So I just," I said pausing for a second. "Broke Spike's actual mind?" I felt awful for what I had done. I ran through every possible scenario before attempting the spell. I never thought of this possibility. My gaze fell downward and tears began to well up in my eyes.
Celestia placed a hoof on my chin and brought my eyes to hers. I expected to see an angry or disappointed gaze, but I only saw forgiveness. "Twilight," she began. "You are still a student; you're expected to make mistakes." She said giving me a warm smile.
"So what's going to happen to Spike?" I ask crestfallen, but not feeling as lousy.
"The maturation will not continue until his 2 consciousnesses have merged into one. Unfortunately, there is no known reversal spell for the Mind Break. Fortunately however," she paused. "The spell wasn't completed; the caster has to be in a calm state when casting it. From what you told me, you were under a lot of stress when casting the spell. Spike is still in there, just dormant, just bring him through his usual routine and expose him to as much as possible. He should wake up if you do that, eventually." She ended and walked for the door.
"Wait Princess, I still need you." I called to her has the opened the door.
"I trust you Twilight, you know Spike better than anyone. If anyone can bring him back it's you." She stated before leaving the library and leaving me standing there, alone. On my desk was a foreign book that wasn't in the library. Raising a Dragon, a Beginners Guide it was called. "Thank you Princess." I say out loud.
I needed to figure out how I was going to get Spike back to normal, but I knew I couldn't do it alone. I left the library quickly to find everyone. I needed to let them know about Spike's condition, and to treat him like they usually treat him. I told them my mistake and about the voice. As much as I knew they now know. I had a plan, a plan to correct my mistakes.
The next day was didn't go as planned. I thought if he saw everyone and how they normally act that he'd naturally come out on his own. It didn't work though; he remained in his usual state. Not even Pinkie Pie got him to show anything but indifference.
I was beginning to give up hope and it was beginning to look like I was losing progress. "Spike," I say to him back at the library. "I tried Spike I really did." I confess to the shell of my closest friend and child. "If you're still in there Spike I want you to know that I never meant you any harm. I made a mistake Spike, please come back to us." I lose strength and fall to my knees. I lay me head against his chest. I hear a heartbeat, but I know now that the Spike I know is dead.
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Spike's P.O.V.
Darkness, darkness was all I could see. I floated in this endless space for what seemed to me like an eternity. Eventually a wall of sorts, I couldn't move forward, but it looked like nothing was there. I see another me form on the other side of the wall.
"Who are you?" I ask hesitantly.
"You," it stated.
"Me… you're not me, I'm me."
"I'm you too, the other you. Don't you recognize me?" it said pretending to sound hurt.
"You're the voice!" I exclaim angrily.
"The voice is I as well." He said laughing.
"What are you doing here, where are we even?" I ask looking around.
"You know I was wondering the same thing." He stated looking behind him.
"Why did you do all of that stuff?" I ask him. "You killed innocent creatures, Why?"I keep a steady tone and expression
throughout this.
"I went a little overboard; we have a lot of power between us, you and I."
"But why, you didn't have to kill anyone?"
"I guess I was just drunk with power." He stated plainly.
"That's no excuse," I said with a commanding tone, like a parent lecturing a child.
"Spike… I apologize, for real this time. I wanted you to see our power first hand."
"You went about that the worst way possible"
"I know"
"I can't except your apology"
"You can't forgive me?"
"I can't forgive myself"
"So you accept the fact that we are the same"
"Well we are the same aren't we?"
"I shouldn't have killed all of those creatures"
"It was wrong"
"We are a dragon right?"
"Right"
"Let's be the strongest Dragon we can Spike, Deal," I stuck my hand out to the wall.
"Of course Spike, Deal," I brought my hand to meet my own.
We reached our hand together and a light shone from the meeting point. We closed our eyes as our bodies fused into one.
'We'll have one nasty temper,' both of me said at once. "SPIKE!" I heard Twilight call.
I opened my eyes quickly and found myself in the library. Twilight was crying on my chest, her body shaking as she sobbed. I
hold her close and stroke her mane. "It's Ok Twilight I'm here." I say to her hushed.
"Spike, you're, you" she stuttered in between sobs.
"Just let it out Twi. I'm back, and everything will be ok."
"I was so worried. I thought I had lost you."
"I was lost Twi, but I found my way back."
I released her from the embrace and she backed up. The tears had stopped and she looked relieved. "So the voice; is it still
there?" she questioned warily
"We worked things out. He isn't there anymore." I stated not wanting to confuse her.
"The Princess gave me a book, I think you should read it if you're confused about anything."
I smiled warmly, 'Back to her old self I see,' I thought happily. "N-not now Twi, maybe tomorrow."
"Well we have the book if we need it. Its late Spike, we should go to bed." Twilight said walking up next to me.
"You're right!" I said jumping down from the chair I was standing on. Twilight and I walked into the bedroom to go to sleep.
As i lie down in bed i couldn't kick a bizarre blood lust that crept its way into my mind
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A/N: You're supposed to lose track of which Spike is speaking btw.