Wubaluba Dub Dub!!
Spike had just about fallen asleep when the lights to his room suddenly came on and Twilight stumbled into his room. “S-spike, yah gotta...yah gotta come with me, Spike.”
Spike sat up, still half asleep, and stared at the extremely intoxicated pony. “What, what’s going on?”’
“Spike you gotta come with me, it’s important Spike.” Twilight mumbled, losing her balance for a moment and stumbling into the wall. Her horn flared to life and Spike’s sheets were pulled away.
“Twilight... it’s two in the morning.”
“No time to lose Spike. We gotta...grasp the ring by the horns. Be the early worm and get the bird.” Twilight slurred, dragging Spike out of bed with her magic despite his protests. “I…..urrrp...need your help Spike. You’re my buddy...you’re my favorite little assistant. So you gotta come on an adventure with me.”
“Oh geez Twilight, I was going to go ask out Rarity today.”
“This is more important than Rarity, Spike! This is science!” She dragged Spike down the stairs and into the basement where a huge mirror was set up, covered in electrodes and Hearth’s Warming lights. “W-what do you think? I made it tonight out of garbage in the storage closet.”
“Uh, yeah, it’s great. Wh-where are we going Twilight?” Spike shook his head, finally waking fully. “Y-you-you know waking me up this early isn’t good for me. Like, you might be stunting my growth or something.”
“Quit youuuurrrrrp whining Spike and get inside.” Twilight stumbled over to a control panel, yanking a lever that made the Hearth's Warming lights turn on and a green glow began to emanate from the mirror.
“Get inside where? We’re already in the basement.”
“In the mirror. Try to hold your breath.” Twilight replied, taking a quick swig from a flask and throwing on a saddle bag. Her horn flared to light again and flung Spike at the contraption. Spike gasped and winced, expecting his face to smash into the glass mirror, but instead he kept moving, like the mirror was a doorway. Suddenly he was in some sort of rainbow tunnel tunnel. His body swirled around the tunnel like a leaf spinning down a drain. He began to scream as he picked up speed, swirling faster and faster. His voice cracked and echoed and it felt like his body was being torn apart. At the far end of the tunnel was a white light, moving closer and closer, soon the light enveloped him and he felt his body resting on warm concrete.
“What the hell?” Spike shook his head and opened his eyes, seeing a ladybug crawling along the pavement in front of him. He tried to stand up, but he could only manage to get on all fours. His body felt wrong...alien. He looked down and gasped to find his claws had turned into paws. He looked behind him and saw a mirror similar to the one in Twilight’s basement and in the mirror’s reflection he saw a purple dog. No..it was him! “What? What the hell!? I..what’s happened to my body.. I’m a dog, oh geeze.”
“Calm down Spike.” Came Twilight’s voice. “Calm down. It’s just a dimensional mutation.” Spike looked up and saw Twilight had been transformed too, no longer a pony but instead was some sort of lanky ape. She had her hands up, trying to ease Spike’s panic “It’s okay Spike. This dimension...it isn't designed for us so we get turned into something equivalent. It’s how this works, Spike. Try not to think about it.”
“Oh...okay Twilight. Just I don’t know, I mean...why a dog. Is this...is this universe saying I’m a pet?” Spike tried to compose himself, doing his best to ignore the bizarre sensation of a new body.
“More on the mark than you think, Spike. Honestly the only thing that separates you from Winona is you know your way around a library, but that’s more a commentary on Applejack. I mean, I’m a genius. Training a dog to find me library books would take all of an afternoon. Take this dimension’s commentary and learn to exceed your limits.”
“Yeah yeah, I get it. What are we even doing here?”
“Spike, according to my readings, there’s an element of harmony in this dimension. I don’t want to undersell this, Spike, that’s huge. I could do a lot of amazing science and magic stuff with something like that Spike.” Twilight reached into her saddle pack which had morphed to fit her new body, resting with straps along her shoulders. She pulled out a small digital screen. “The element is somewhere in the school over that way. Let’s get going. We’ll be in and out in five minutes.”
Twilight headed for the wide double doors, stumbling the first few steps. “Yikes, the bodies in this dimension are garbage. I can’t even use magic here. How do people get anything done? With these skinny fingers? Must be a nightmare.”
Spike padded after Twilight as they walked through the double doors and into the school. It seemed like classes were in session and only the occasional student walked by, all shaped the same as Twilight’s new form. Spike gazed in wonder at the strange yet oddly familiar beings. She noticed a woman with blonde hair and an apple patterned skirt. “Hey, hey Twilight doesn’t that look a bit like Applejack?”
“Infinite timelines, Spike.” Twilight replied. “In this one everyone’s a humanoid. You’ll probably find human versions of all your dumb friends here. Look, there’s a Rarity.” Twilight pointed dismissively as the Indigo beauty wandered by.
“Woah, she’s beautiful in this dimension too.” Spike’s tail began to wag and he stopped to stare at Rarity.
Twilight leaned down and grabbed the collar around Spike’s neck, pulling him along. “Don’t start getting hard over some extra-dimensional Rarity. All you could do is hump her leg anyway. I don’t want to be here any longer than we have to. It’s just...schools make me uncomfortable. They’re where genius goes to die. You, you sit in a desk and a teacher says two plus two and everyone says...oh wait, we’re here.”
Twilight pointed her scanner at a door. “Right through this door.” She tried the door and found it was locked, and then took out a long electric key that hummed for two seconds and opened the door. Twilight led them in and pointed at a crown under glass with a purple star-cut gem set in the middle. “Ohhh it’s a big one too. This is going to take my work to the next level."
“Yeah yeah. Let’s just get it and go, then.” Spike sighed, not sure why Twilight had dragged him along for this.
“Jeez, you really know how to ruin a moment, Spike. It’s not a charming quality.” Twilight tossed an orb up above the glass case that sprayed red light around the room then glowed green. “No security systems, huh.” Twilight walked over and lifted up the glass case covering the crown. “I tell you what Spike, this was easy as Pinkie…”
Twilight and Spike stiffened as they heard the familiar sound of a plasma pistol charging. They turned and saw another Twilight at the door holding a gun on them. “Pie…” Twilight finished.
“Well well well.” The other twilight said smugly. She looked exactly like Spike’s Twilight except she wore thick black rim glasses. She reached up with her other hand and tapped her glasses, forming a glowing display over them.“ Twilight from dimension EQ-675 huh? Once I clocked that crown, I figured I’d run into myself eventually. Usually I’d suggest we go get high but I’m not about to let some quadrupedal version of me hoof off with my element of harmony.”
“Hoof off huh? Check it out everyone we’ve got a comedian Twilight here.” Twilight rolled her eyes at Glasses Twi. “If you wanted this so much you should have taken it when you had the chaaauunnnnnce,” she burped.
“It’s a prize for the prom queen being awarded tomorrow. It’s alreauuuuuurrrrdy mine.” Glasses Twi replied.
“That’s your plan? You’re playing goody princess to get it? My standards really drop when I’m on two legs.”
“Oh I’m sorry, I think these fingers and opposable thumbs here say fuck me!” Glasses Twi raised her middle finger at Twilight.
“Fuck you? No buddy, fuck me.”
“Alright, I’m getting bored so I’m going to kill your Spike unless you put the glass case back on and go back to your little horse dimension.”
“I’m no horse.” Twilight replied with a grimace. “I’m a motherfucking pony!” She hurled the glass case at Glasses Twi, who instinctively ducked and then took aim with her plasma pistol, but it was enough time for Twilight to pull out her freeze ray and a beam instantly encased Glasses Twi in ice.
“Hah!. Where are your opposable thumbs now, bitch?” Twilight laughed. She paused a moment later, noticing Glasses Twi’s school uniform was glowing and the ice was quickly starting to melt. “Oh crap, run Spike!” Twilight grabbed the element of harmony and sprinted past the quickly thawing Glasses Twi.
They both streamed out the door and Twilight fired her ice beam at the door, freezing it up. The whole door exploded a moment later and Glasses Twi strode through the flames, plasma pistol extended.
“Don’t look back Spike, just keep running!” Twilight yelled. The school bell rang and suddenly the hallway was packed with students. Twilight and Spike dodged through the crowd. Glasses Twi chased them at top speed, firing plasma bolts down the hall, missing the two and hitting lockers and nearby students instead. She ignored the screams of pain and terror from her fellow students, totally focused on the chase.
Spike and Twilight had a good lead, however and rounded the bend, seeing the front doors of the school. “Come on Spike, the mirror is our ticket home!” They kept up the pace, eyes focused on the double doors in front of them. Suddenly a student with spikey blue hair stepped in front of them. “Hey Twilight, what’s the ruuuuu” His word was cut off as a quick blast from Twilight’s freeze ray encased him in ice. Twilight did a quick half step out of this way. As they passed, Spike heard a shattering sound, but didn’t dare look back. As they reached the door, Twilight slammed into it, shattering the glass and running through.
“Ohhh geez.” Spike leapt through the broken door, narrowly avoiding the shards of broken glass Twilight had left in her wake.
Finally, they were outside and sprinted towards the statue. After they made it down the main steps, a net of lasers sprung up from the ground. Spike looked back at the front door and saw Glasses Twi with a remote control and an evil smile. The net of lasers began to contract inward.
“Come on, Spike.” Twilight yelled, pointing at the statue, which was still inside the laser net. Twilight pulled out a control button and pressed it, creating a glowing portal on the mirror. The lasers had already reached the statue and were leaving glowing red lines on the stone and metal.
“Jump for it Spike!” Twilight leapt into the portal and Spike jumped right behind, feeling a singe as a laser nipped the tip of his tail just as he passed through the portal.
“Wohooo, in your face four eyes!” Twilight yelled, holding out her middle fingers at the rapidly shrinking light. They both began to swirl faster and faster in the rainbow tunnel. Spike watched as Twilight’s extended fingers both melted back into hoofs and a second later, they were spit out onto the floor of Twilight’s basement.
Spike slowly picked himself up, thankful to have his normal body back. “Oh geeze, Twilight. I...I seriously thought we were gonna die. I’m in a cold sweat from that. I..I...I didn’t even know dragons could sweat but you managed to make it happen.”
“Quiet, Spike. Everything went fine. Miss two legs gets to clean up her mess and I get this sweet element of harmony!” Twilight held the crown up in the air with a big grin, then ripped the large purple gem out from the center of it.
“Woah, Twilight! Why did you do that? We risked our lives for that thing and you...you’re just going to break it?”
“You don’t get it, Spike. The gem is the element, the rest is worthless.” She took a sip from her flask. “You know, relative to the gem. You can give it to Rarity or something.”
Twilight moved the gem over to a workbench and carefully inserted it into the top of a metal box with a handle on the end. “Come on, work you bastard.” Twilight focused as she made sure the gem was properly aligned, and suddenly the gem began to glow. “Yessss!” Twilight yelled, rearing up in glee. She took the new device and showed it to Spike.
“You see this Spike? Do you know what I just did, what I made? This is a portal gun, Spike. I just made mobile inter-dimensional travel. No more need for magic mirrors. You know what that means?”
Twilight trotted forward and Spike backed up trying to keep his distance, seeing the manic excitement in Twilight’s eyes. He tripped over the remains of the crown and fell on his rear, looking up. “What, what are you?...”
“It means we can go on even more adventures, Spike. We can go to other dimensions we..whenever I want. It’s going to open up whole new fields of work.
“What..but…” Spike mumbled.
“We can see even mouuuuuurrrrre crazy dimensions where we’ll turn into bears, or vampires, or lemurs, but that doesn’t matter, Spike. All that matters is it’ll be you and me. Spike and Twilight against the universe. A hundred years Spike and Twilight.
Twilight moved closer, spittle flying from her lips as she spoke, ignoring Spike’s mumbling protests. “It’ll be Spike and Twilight forever. Www dot Spike and Twilight dot net. The adventures of Daring Do with Spike and Twilight forever...hundred years. Just you and me Spike and maybe Pinkie Pie and Applejack but never Rarity, cause I need you sharp Spike. I can’t have you being distracted! It’ll just be Spike and Twilight, two hundred chapters, Spike and Twilight on the featured page forever. Just always Spike and Twilight…..