> Spectrum of Gray
>  by Amber Spark
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Gray Night
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





Twilight Sparkle knew many things. 

The degrees, plaques, and awards in her office within the Castle of Friendship made this abundantly clear to all who entered. She could analyze the latest breakthroughs in quantum mechanics developed at the Manehattan Institute of Technomancy, speak on the prototype thaumaturgical cores in development in the Crystal Empire, and discuss the Equestrian Cultural Society’s latest study of the symbiotic socioeconomic relationship between dragons and griffons. 

Then, of course, there was her role as the Princess of Friendship, a role she constantly found herself redefining and rediscovering at surprisingly regular intervals.

A long time ago, she had considered such thoughts to be little more than empty bragging. Now, she knew better. This was a simple fact, and one she was proud of. 

But as she leaned against the railing of the balcony outside her office and looked to the other side of Ponyville with a sigh, she realized for the thousandth time that knowledge and wisdom were not one and the same.

“Twilight?” came the familiar voice of Sunset Shimmer. “Are you okay?”

Twilight didn’t answer. She just kept staring out at Sweet Apple Acres. Her eyes darted between the sprawling apple orchards, the great farmhouse of generations of the Apple clan, and the small cloud condo drifting at the very edge of the farm over a barren patch of dusty earth.

“Twi?” The voice sounded somewhat exasperated now.

The sun had almost fallen below the horizon, the clouds in the west casting a purple shadow over Ponyville. It was hard to make out in the light of the setting sun, but the clouds of Rainbow Dash’s cloudominium appeared… grayer. 

A knot of worry grew in her chest. That was a bad sign. A very bad sign, indeed. The clouds had returned to their formerly white and fluffy state a few days before Rainbow had come back. Now, they were like the color of an approaching storm. There was something else too… something missing from the structure that Twilight couldn’t place.

“Twilight!”

“Huh?” Twilight shook her head and turned. She blinked a few times at the concerned face of her wife. “Sorry, what? What’s wrong, Sunny?”

Sunset regarded her with a cocked eyebrow. “What’s going on, Twi? I haven’t seen you look this worried since my last magic duel with Starlight.”

“It’s probably nothing,” Twilight replied, her eyes drifting back to Sweet Apple Acres. Only one or two lights burned inside. That was wrong, too. What’s more, every window was shut and every door closed. That felt even worse. 

“Twi, don’t lie to me,” Sunset said as she stepped up beside Twilight and followed her gaze. “We both know you’re terrible at it and… oh.”

Silence descended upon the balcony for a short time before Twilight spoke again. “She’s been back for what… three days?”

“Four,” Sunset replied woodenly. “If it helps, Spike just got a letter from Ember saying the dragons loved the show.”

“I don’t think it helps.”

“Probably not,” Sunset admitted. 

“Probably makes things worse.”

“Yeah.”

Another silence. Longer this time. From behind her, Twilight could hear the sound of Rarity’s laughter and Pinkie’s giggling, punctuated by the occasional snort. Usually, the laughter of her friends filled her with a warm glow, but tonight, a cold chill seemed to smother the balcony, despite Sunset’s presence. As the sun slipped beyond the horizon and Luna’s moon began to rise into the starry sky, all she could see were the strange shadows created by the odd architectural flourishes of the cloudominium. 

Despite the fact that no lights shone from the cloud structure, Twilight knew that Rainbow Dash was there. She also knew Applejack wasn’t. It had been months since Applejack had asked Sunset or Twilight to recharge her cloudwalking horseshoes. 

“Fluttershy tried to talk to Rainbow after she got back,” Sunset offered as she leaned against Twilight. Despite everything, Twilight found no comfort in it. “Rainbow said she was too busy. Said the same thing when Pinkie tried yesterday. Then again… she’d avoided everypony for weeks before leaving...”

“Rarity tried to talk to Applejack last week when she came back for material for Princess Celestia’s newest dress,” Twilight said with a sigh. “Told me she hadn’t seen Applejack look that tired since my first few months in Ponyville.”

Sunset made a confused little noise. “And that’s bad?”

“If you consider her being so exhausted she fell asleep upside down while in an apple cart harness bad, then yes.”

“Ouch.” Sunset winced and chewed her lip for a few moments before cautiously speaking up again. “Are they still refusing to see anypony to help?”

“Neither of them seem very interested since that last one a year or two ago.” Twilight shook her head. “The rest of us have tried a few times… but it didn’t go any better than when you and I brought it up. If they are seeing anypony… I don’t think they’re doing it together. Harmony, I don’t know.”

“Oh…”

The longest silence yet fell as the last vestiges of sunlight faded and Luna's night descended over the kingdom of Equestria. The knot in her chest drifted to her throat.

“Sunny?”

“Yeah, Twi?”

“You mind me skipping dinner tonight?”

“Of course not.”

“Thanks.”

Sunset gave Twilight a small hug, looking resigned. It was an expression Twilight had seen a lot on all her friends lately whenever the pegasus and the earth pony had come up in conversation. Seeing it right now on Sunset’s face made it almost unbearable.

Some tired piece of herself told her that nothing good would come out of any further attempts at meddling. She shoved the thought aside. What kind of friend would she be if she didn’t try and help? She had to, if only to listen.

They were her friends. Both of them. But of the two, she could make a pretty good guess who needed her more right now. After all, Granny Smith had come down to visit Applejack a couple weeks ago. And with Scootaloo off with the rest of the Crusaders in Baltimare...

Twilight leapt off the balcony and flew through the clear chilly autumn night. She made it halfway to the cloudominium before rain started to fall on the swath of dry dirt beneath. 

The mere sight of the tiny pocket of rainfall twisted up something inside of her. She put on a little burst of speed.

As she got closer, she took in the details. The entire exterior of Rainbow’s old house now consisted of steel-gray stormclouds. Twilight could even feel the thrum of electric potential coming from the structure. Pegasi with high levels of innate racial magic, such as Rainbow Dash, could influence the weather with their moods as a direct byproduct of their natural affinity for cloud manipulation. However, for a pegasus to be able to shift an entire cloud structure from construction clouds to stormclouds… that was a rare thing indeed. It spoke volumes of Rainbow’s emotional state. 

She considered taking a different approach and contacting Dr. Peony to make an appointment for the two mares. He had been critical in helping Twilight and Sunset in handling their issues, both with themselves and one another. 

Twilight knew that wouldn’t work, despite her own personal successes with the doctor.. Not yet, at least. They needed to build up to something like that. 

Besides, Peony could be… prickly at times. 

She gingerly alighted on Rainbow’s front patio. She paused there for a moment, concerned that her presence might trigger an electrical discharge. It didn’t. The clouds hummed away to themselves. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, and took her first real look at Rainbow’s cloudominium since she’d helped move it to the farm so long ago.

Luna’s moon shone upon the wooden door, which lacked any traditional pegasi crest above its frame. The moonlight simply added texture to the dark grey clouds around her. She remembered when the place had rivaled the size of the farmhouse below. Now it was little bigger than her office.

That’s when it hit her. The thing that had been nagging at her the whole time. Now, standing on the cusp of Rainbow’s gray home, she found it astonishing she hadn’t seen it from her balcony.

The rainbow waterfalls were gone. In fact, all the rainbows on the structure’s exterior were gone, as if they had never been. 

With that sudden realization, Twilight realized just how… impersonal the place had become. The few design flourishes remaining were simply… not Rainbow. Twilight suspected somepony else, perhaps Fluttershy or maybe a member of the Ponyville weather team, had added them instead of Dash herself. 

A hole opened in Twilight’s chest and she swallowed. Then she forced herself away from studying the structure of what remained of Rainbow’s home. She was delaying the inevitable. 

She only hesitated once before knocking at the door.

There was no answer. Twilight frowned slightly, but she wasn’t that surprised. She tried again a few minutes later. And again. And again. 

She always forced herself to wait at least five minutes before each knock. After all, Rainbow Dash could be rather stubborn when she wanted to be left alone. Then again, Twilight wasn’t all that different. Twilight also knew that—most of the time—when she hid from the world, she wanted ponies to break through the shields she put up. It wasn’t healthy, but a tiny piece of her still clung to the idea that the ponies who really cared were the ones willing to fight to get through to her.

On the eighth knock, she heard the first grumble. 

“Rainbow?” Twilight called. “It’s Twilight.”

A grunt was the only response. It conveyed a sense of ‘obviously.’

“Can I come in?”

Silence.

Twilight swallowed. There were also rare times when Rainbow legitimately wanted to be alone. However, Twilight had held the title of Princess of Friendship for over fifteen years. She had known her friends for even longer. That had to count for something.

Still, she hesitated once more. Her friends did continue to surprise her. Quite some time ago, she realized you never finished getting to know somepony. It was an ongoing process that lasted one’s entire life, even for one’s closest friends.

It was reasonable to assume the same concept held true for married couples. In fact—

Twilight frowned. She kept letting herself get distracted by philosophy and theory. This was not the time for theory. This was the time for action. 

Twilight turned, took a deep breath, lifted her right rear hoof, and bucked the door so hard, it actually cracked in its hardened cloud frame.

Somepony inside yelped. Then came a few crashes accompanied by sputtering and cursing. Then an incoherent growl rumbled through the entire structure, echoed by the rolling of thunder.

“Rainbow, please,” Twilight pleaded. “I’m your friend.”

The clouds stopped quaking, but grew darker. She could feel the rain pouring down from them, the chill seeping up through her hooves. 

The door slowly opened. Twilight’s eyes went wide as a pegasus stepped out from the darkened interior of what had once been her home. 

Rainbow Dash had never been the most fastidious of ponies. Despite Rarity’s claims that Rainbow secretly adored having her mane brushed or braided by Applejack, it tended to run rather wild. So seeing Rainbow’s mane in even more of a disarray than usual only made her vaguely curious. Everything else… that was a different matter entirely. 

After Twilight had earned her wings, Rainbow had lectured her—at length—about how important proper coat and feather care was to maintain proper aerodynamics. After Rainbow had become the second-in-command of the Wonderbolts following Soarin’s transfer, she had become downright obsessive about her appearance.

Apparently, aerodynamics was not presently on Rainbow’s priority list. Rainbow’s coat was matted with sweat and smudged with dirt and dust. Her feathers hadn’t been preened in at least three or four days, as if she’d flown around the world a few times without a single stop. Both her mane and tail were stringy and limp. Enormous bags hung under her eyes, as if she hadn’t hadn’t a good night’s sleep in weeks… maybe even months. And while that was the most telling, it wasn’t the most disturbing.

Twilight had been troubled by the lack of rainbows at the cloud home. That sensation increased exponentially at seeing the dull depression—no, resignation—in Rainbow’s eyes. It was as if the spirit of the pegasus had flown to some distant land, never to return. Since the moment all those years ago when Rainbow had slammed the two of them into a mud puddle, there had always been a fire burning in the pony’s eyes. 

Now, Twilight couldn’t even see the flicker of an ember.

“What?” Rainbow’s voice was about as dynamic as her eyes. 

“Rainbow…” Twilight whispered. “What happened? Why are you up here?”

Rainbow stared at her. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought you only used this place as your office for official Wonderbolt work.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said, “well, that changed a few weeks ago. Needed to happen.”

Twilight’s wings flared. 

“A few… a few weeks ago?” Twilight sputtered. “You mean before you left on the last tour?”

Rainbow shrugged. “So what?”

“So what? Rainbow… what’s going on? Why aren’t you down there?” Twilight pointed a hoof down at the great farmhouse below. She couldn’t see any lights on inside. The whole place was dark now. “That’s your home.”

“Yup.” Rainbow’s complete lack of emotion twisted the knife in Twilight’s chest. “Better for everypony if I’m not there right now, though.”

“But… AJ!” Twilight sputtered. “She’s running the farm all by herself now! With Big Mac living up north with Sugar Belle and the new baby, not to mention Apple Bloom’s—”

“I know, Twilight, okay? I know she’s alone.” Rainbow leaned against the door frame. For a moment, her eyes seemed to drift downward before they slid back up to not quite meet Twilight’s gaze. “AB’s doing her CMC tour with Scoots and Sweetie Belle. Granny’s too old to do much in the way of helping out. It’s why she moved out there with Big Mac, to help with little Amber Apple. Old news.”

“So why aren’t you down there helping AJ?”

Finally, a bit of fire ignited in Rainbow’s eyes. It wasn’t any sort of friendly fire. It was a smoldering, ugly thing. Twilight stepped back at the sight of it. 

“I’m helping just fine from up here. I do what she tells me… whenever she bothers telling me.”

“Rainbow!” Twilight snapped. “She’s your wife!” 

“Oh, really? I had no idea.” 

Rainbow shook her head, her ears flickering in annoyance. Twilight blinked and for the first time, realized the pegasus wasn’t wearing the cutie mark ear studs Applejack made for her ten years ago. Twilight had helped in their creation and spent days researching the old tradition to make sure they turned out perfect. And they had been, even the Princesses had said so. If Rainbow wasn’t wearing them…

“Thanks for the pep talk, Twilight, but I think it’s time for me to turn in.” 

Rainbow moved to close the door, but Twilight jumped forward and shoved a hoof in before the pegasus could shut it. 

“No, Rainbow, you need somepony to talk to,” Twilight insisted.

“Oh yeah, and that’s you? I should talk to the mare who married her former archnemesis?” Rainbow laughed in her face as Twilight recoiled. “What do you and Sunset argue over, huh? Which syllable to stress in some stupid spell? You don’t have a clue what I’m going through. You don’t have a clue what she’s going through. So just leave us alone!”

Twilight refused to take the bait. Instead, she went with a rather Rainbow-style solution: repetition. “Why are you up here, Rainbow? Why aren’t you down there?”

“None of your business, egghead. Go. Away.” Rainbow tried to close the door on Twilight’s hoof. Twilight winced but refused to move. “What’s your problem? Get out of here! Go back to your perfect life!”

“Rainbow, we’re friends! And you know my life isn’t perfect! I’m not just going to leave you to—”

In an instant, Rainbow was in Twilight’s face, less than half an inch away. That same ugly fire in her eyes raged like an out-of-control inferno. It took everything Twilight had not to back away, especially when she realized just what she was seeing. 

Hatred.

“Back off, Princess. You don’t know anything about this. I don’t need you to just make things worse and remind me of everything I’ve done wrong!”

“What? But I never—!”

“You would! Everypony else has! And they’re right!”

Below, Winona barked a few times as Rainbow’s voice echoed over the sleeping farm. Rainbow blinked and backed away. 

“Actually…” she said slowly in an eerily calm voice. “There’s something you can do to help.”

“What?” Twilight asked eagerly. “What is it?”

Rainbow stepped into the shadows of her cloudominium. Twilight couldn’t quite see in the gloom, but she didn’t have to. Only a few seconds passed before Rainbow dropped a scroll on the doorstep before Twilight. 

“Just drop that off in the mail, will you? Don’t really feel like doing it myself. Too tired.”

The scroll had a wax stamp, but it wasn’t sealed. Twilight frowned as she lifted it in her magic. She had to tilt it to see in the moonlight, but when she did, her frown deepened. 

“This is… this is the Wonderbolt Executive Seal,” Twilight said slowly. “It’s only used for letters of acceptance or letters of…”

Twilight’s eyes drifted up to Rainbow’s. There was a small, mirthless smile on Rainbow’s muzzle. 

“Hey, maybe it’ll help.”

Twilight felt a spike of fear. Ignoring the faint sense of displeasure at invading her friend’s privacy, she unrolled the scroll and read it in a flash. It was only a few lines long. 

Dash didn’t even try and stop her. 

“You’re retiring?” Twilight shouted. “Are you insane? Dash, you became the Wonderbolt’s second-in-command only nine months ago! You’ve worked your entire life for this!”

“And I stopped caring about it over a year ago,” Rainbow said with an apathetic shrug, her gaze distant. “Maybe it’ll be enough to show her I still care. What I’m willing to do…”

“By giving up on your lifelong dream?”

“Hey, you’re the one who told me compromise is a big part of marriage. Or something like that. You said it fancier.”

“Does she know?”

“Nah,” Rainbow smiled that same mirthless smile. “It’s going to be a surprise!”

“Rainbow, you can’t…” Twilight swallowed, took the letter in her magic and concentrated. In a flash, the letter vanished.

“Huh. Teleported it over? Nice.”

“No,” Twilight replied. “It’s back at the castle.”

Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “Twilight…”

“Talk to her first.”

“You don’t get to make that call, Twilight!” Rainbow shouted, her wings flaring into a full-blown battle stance. “It’s my life!”

“No!” Twilight snapped. “It’s your life and hers! Together!”

“Don’t give me any more of this stupid therapist babble!” Rainbow spat. “I don’t want it. I don’t need it!”

“You haven’t even told me what’s going on!” Twilight shot back. Her own wings were flared. She wasn’t about to back down, not in the face of Rainbow being ready to throw away everything. “You haven’t told anypony what happened. AJ isn’t talking. Both of you are tearing yourselves apart, ignoring all your friends who are trying to help you! And nopony knows why!”

“Maybe because this isn’t something you can fix, egghead!” Rainbow bellowed. “Maybe because it’s my fault and there’s nothing I can do and I screwed up so badly that I’m not about to let all of you girls take pity on me! I don’t want anypony’s pity! I don’t need it! I don’t deserve it! Because… because…”

She trailed off and slid to the ground, her voice trailing away into choking noises. 

There were some in Equestria—even some in Ponyville—who thought that Rainbow Dash only existed for competition, speed and the occasional bout of showboating. Twilight knew better. When she had first met the pegasus, Rainbow had often grated on her nerves. And Dash could still be a bit dense from time to time. But she’d grown up. From taking on Scootaloo as her adopted little sister, to that critical moment at the Wonderbolts Academy, and so many other times… well, Twilight knew that Rainbow was more than just her name.

Even with all that, there was only one time she had ever seen Rainbow anywhere close to this: the day she’d been confronted with the fact that Tank needed to hibernate through what would have been their first winter together.

This wasn’t quite as loud. It wasn’t quite as dramatic. But the pain… the pain was the same. The look of abject misery. Tears streamed down Rainbow’s eyes, falling just beyond the doorframe into the clouds below, creating little puffs of gray stormcloud with every drop. 

Right there, Rainbow fell apart. 

Twilight Sparkle knew many things. 

But at that moment… seeing one of the most confident ponies she had ever known collapse in on herself like a black hole… she realized there was nothing she knew that had prepared her for this.
> Gray Clouds
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





Rainbow Dash didn’t understand a lot of things. 

Normally, she didn’t really mind all that much. She didn’t think she was stupid, of course. She was one of the greatest fliers to come out of Cloudsdale. She’d helped save Equestria more times than she could count. Her encyclopedic knowledge of Daring Do was rivaled only by Twilight… and well, Daring Do herself, obviously. What she knew about flight choreography, aerial maneuvers, and pegasus combat could fill half of the new Shining Oaks Library. Granted, she wasn’t great on the theory of stuff, but she was amazing at doing stuff. That had only ever really bothered her once and that time, her friends had saved her flank.

Some ponies called her arrogant because she knew exactly how awesome she was. Rainbow didn’t really care about them. She cared way more for the ponies who actually took the time to get to know her. Her best friends, of course. One of those in particular, in fact. That one… she was special. She got Rainbow. 

Well, she… had. Even feeling like every feather on her wings had been plucked, she couldn’t stop thinking about that special pony.

The pony in the farmhouse below her. The pony who knew her better than anypony in Equestria… anypony in the world. The pony who had said yes to Rainbow’s clumsy attempt at a first date—which had been a total disaster, but still totally awesome at the same time. The pony who had always pushed her to be better. The pony who, a long time ago, would happily go for a run after a long day in the field. The pony who managed to keep a whole apple farm running on her own. A pony willing to whack Rainbow upside the head when she was being really needed it… and then still wrap her hooves around her in bed with her a few minutes later.

The pony who’d actually burst into tears when Rainbow had suggested that real old tradition. The pony who’d looked amazing in that white Stetson ten years ago. The pony who’d given her the studs she would wear for the rest of her life. 

The pony who had a month or so ago… told her… 

The pony who’d been crying when she came home four days ago…

 The pony Rainbow swore she’d never hurt…

The pony… who had… she had asked her to… to...

Twilight sat beside Rainbow now. She was a little fuzzy on how Twilight had moved the two of them inside the cold and damp cloud house. Probably magic. Rainbow didn’t really care. Actually, she didn’t care at all. She just looked out through one of the half-melted windows to the dark farmhouse and the balcony she’d helped build four years ago. Behind those fancy double-doors, Rainbow knew Applejack slept. That’s all she did anymore. 

“All she ever does now is work and sleep,” Rainbow whispered.

Twilight nodded. She’d arrived an hour ago or something like that. During that whole time, Twilight had barely said anything. Well, at least after all that stuff when she’d first shown up. After that, she’d wrapped a wing around Rainbow and let her cry. The alicorn had since backed off a little, but Rainbow could still feel the wing around her. Almost as if Twilight had used some weird emotion spell. It felt so real… even though it wasn’t there. Not for the first time, Rainbow wondered what might have happened if Twilight and her…

She shook the thoughts away. A tiny piece of her didn’t want to let go of that stupid fantasy, but she forced it away. It didn’t matter how lonely she felt. Rainbow couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t do it. That wasn’t her. She hated herself every time she thought about it. She also hated how much she thought about thinking about it.

Twilight stared at the farmhouse, oblivious to everything going on in Rainbow’s head.

Rainbow decided she was sick of being in her own head. She’d been there since she’d come home—no, since she’d come back. And right now her head felt a lot like this place did: cold, dark, and depressing.

“Did you really not know?” Rainbow said, her voice coming out as little more than a croak.

“About you having problems?” Twilight whispered. 

Rainbow nodded.

“You two always had your rough patches.” Twilight started to shrug but caught herself. “I knew you went through a few in the last couple of years. And now that I really think about it, both of you have seemed down for months. But… I didn’t realize she’d… well…”

“Kicked me out?”

There. She’d finally said it. Twilight even cringed and everything. Then, after an awkward few seconds, Twilight nodded a tiny little nod.

“Eh,” Rainbow muttered, poking at the window frame and watching a patch of stormcloud puff into nothingness. “She didn’t like… throw me out. She asked… she asked for…” Rainbow’s voice caught in her throat. “She asked for a… a… a separ—a break.” She took a breath. She could do this. “Said the new counselor she’s been talking to down on Clover Street recommended it. Think her name is… Doc Heart Shield?” Rainbow forced herself not to grit her teeth at the mention of that pony. Despite everything, she actually didn’t blame her for suggesting it to AJ. She’d hated her at first. Then Rainbow had gotten over it. She hated herself more for being the cause of whatever Applejack had said to her. “Applejack… she said something about… finding herself. Figuring out who she is.”

“Applejack?” Twilight blinked a few times. She looked about as confused as Rainbow had been when AJ had first said that to her. “She… needs to figure out who she is?”

“Yeah. Funny thing?” Rainbow’s laugh sounded like claws on a chalkboard. “Happened a few days before our tenth anniversary. AJ came home from counseling. We were going to spend some time reading together that night. Nothing fancy. Then she came in… looking like… really down. Like… she sometimes looks when she hears stuff about her Ma and Pa from Grand Pear or Granny Smith. Or when Big Mac ended up moving north to be with Sugar Belle to start up their new farm in Markstown.” Rainbow snorted. “Can’t believe they went so long without naming that place and when they finally got around to it, they named it Markstown. So stupid.”

“They were going to name it Starlight,” Twilight pointed out with a shrug. “Until Starlight found out and totally freaked. And you’re trying to change the subject, Rainbow.”

“Don’t care.” Rainbow shuffled slightly, trying to settle herself into the cold floor and not doing a very good job of it. “It’s a stupid name. Anyway. Yeah. She came home… like that.”

Rainbow’s stomach twisted. It was probably because she hadn’t eaten anything all day. Hadn’t really felt like it. Hadn’t been hungry. Or maybe… maybe it was simply because it hurt to remember AJ’s face that night. 

“But that was like… four months ago!” Twilight protested. “What happened? Am… am I just the last to know?”

“Nah,” Rainbow shook her head. “AJ didn’t want you girls to worry about it. Thought it was private. Especially after I kinda forced her to ask you girls for help for so long.”

“We didn’t mind helping out at the farm!” Twilight scooted a little closer but continued to stare out the window. “We… we just can’t do it as often as you two needed.”

Twilight paused. Rainbow had a feeling she wanted to say more. Rainbow was glad when she just whispered, “So… how’d it happen?”

“I think it started with me not doing the dishes enough? Maybe laundry? I don’t remember. How sad is that? Anyway, I kinda freaked when I saw how upset she was. Pushed her hard. it snowballed and just sorta… spilled out. I thought somepony had messed with her. I was ready to go pound somepony’s face into the dirt.” Rainbow laughed. When was the last time she had laughed and it hadn’t felt sour and terrible? “Kinda sucked when I found out that pony was me.”

“I’m so sorry, Rainbow…”

Rainbow ran her hooves over her face. “Yeah, I’m more sorry for her.”

“What do you mean?”

Rainbow shook her head. For somepony so smart, Twilight could be pretty thick sometimes. Then again… she’d been with Sunset for what… a year or two now? Something like that. Well, they’d been married for like a year or two. They’d been dating for a lot longer. Rainbow couldn’t remember. She didn’t really care. She should have. She knew that in a distant way. But she didn’t really care about… well, not caring. It was kinda hard to care about anything right now. No matter how long Twilight and Sunset had been together… neither knew what it was like.

Sprints were Rainbow Dash’s specialty. She hated marathons. This had been the only one she’d ever done that meant a damn to her.

“No matter what happens, AJ ends up alone, all day. Yeah, another Apple comes by occasionally to help, but that’s it. I don’t need to remind you what happened when we tried to hire outside help, right?”

Twilight’s eyes shifted to charred remains of the half-acre near the center of the east orchard. 

“It wasn’t their fault. They weren’t ready for a freak Everfree storm.”

“It wasn’t the storm and you know it,” Rainbow settled down on her hooves, glaring at the dead trees. “For eight months, AJ had to be a manager instead of a farmer. Celestia, she hated that. You know what she told me teaching employees—she hated that word too—the Apple Family way was like? Like trying to get Gummy to do a Sonic Rainboom.”

“You could have tried again,” Twilight pointed out.

Rainbow buried her face in the cold clouds of her new house… even though it was her old house. She let out a muffled sigh. “We tried three times, Twilight. It took me four years to get to the point where AJ trusted me to handle the farm on my own for even a day. Do you remember how much she lost it the first time they left Apple Bloom at home alone?”

Twilight chuckled. Maybe she thought it was funny. Maybe she just thought she was supposed to laugh like this was some sort of stupid therapy script. Laugh when the dumb pony says something that might be vaguely funny.

“Anyway.” Rainbow lifted her head a little so she could slip her hooves beneath it and returned to staring out the window. “I tried bringing it up again once or twice. But after that fire… she isn’t ever gonna do that again. The training, the ‘micromanagement’ thing… Did you know having those guys ended up costing us more bits than they brought in? There’s, like, another dozen reasons. I still try to bring it up. It’s the only thing I can think of… Then we usually get into it.” Rainbow glanced over to give Twilight a level stare. “And by usually, I mean like every time.” 

“She could always ask us again!” Twilight protested. “We used to do that for you! I know she thinks she’s taking advantage of us, but we want to help!”

“This isn’t something that you can just fix in a few hours!” Rainbow laughed. It sounded even more sour than before. “What do you think this is, Princess Twilight? You think Fluttershy can just drop her work at the Sanctuary to help AJ buck apples? Or Rarity’s going to stop her new job as royal tailor? Not to mention her design work for… how many shops does she have now? Like twelve?”

“Fifteen,” Twilight replied, looking distant. 

“Fifteen, huh?” Rainbow smirked and let out a little sigh. “I remember her panicking over the Saddle Row one. Anyway, Rarity can’t just drop everything. The Cakes semi-retired, so Pinkie’s running Sugarcube Corner. And you’ve got more important things to do than harvest fruit. Plus, your wife is like Supermage over all of Equestria or something.”

“Archmage,” Twilight snapped. It was funny how annoyed she got when Rainbow used the wrong title for Sunset. Well, usually funny. “Princess Celestia named Sunset Archmage.”

“Whatever,” Rainbow waved it off with a hoof. Twilight glared at her. Rainbow still didn’t care. “This isn’t back when we were kids, Twilight. Back then, you had your grad studies. I ran the Weather Patrol. Rarity had a single shop. Pinkie Pie did some of the baking for the Cakes. Flutters did her animal thing. But AJ? AJ was still AJ.”

Memories flashed across her mind. Ego-driven races, AJ being stupid and not coming home after that rodeo, silly dares in the Castle of the Two Sisters… and all the little moments in between. 

“She was always AJ,” Rainbow whispered, her heart wrenching a little more in her chest.

“We weren’t kids,” Twilight said. She actually sounded a little annoyed now. 

Rainbow stared at her until Twilight looked away, flushing with embarrassment. 

“That’s what I thought,” Rainbow muttered. Seriously, Twilight really needed to stop getting hung up on stupid details. “Anyway, yeah. It’s just her. Big Mac? He’s got a baby. All of Markstown depend on him and Sugar Belle now. AJ would kick his flank to Griffonstone and back if he tried to leave his new home so he could work the fields at Sweet Apple Acres. We both know Granny’s too old to work the farm. One of the reasons she moved up there to help look after little Amber Apple.”

Twilight sighed and shook her head. But Rainbow wasn’t done yet. 

“And when Applejack talks about Apple Bloom? Well… she talks about her like I talk about Scoots. We’re crazy proud. We’re not gonna rain on their parade. They’re doing something really awesome, crusading across Equestria, helping ponies.”

“That just leaves…”

“Me,” Rainbow smiled bitterly at Twilight. “Me. The Wonderbolt’s new XO. Second-in-command, right under Spitfire herself! Touring across Equestria and beyond! The only pegasus in living memory who can perform the legendary Sonic Rainboom!” Rainbow Dash pushed herself to her hooves and struck that pose she’d used for her official promotion portrait. “Former Bearer of the Element of Loyalty! One of The Six. You know that’s what some ponies call us now, right? The Six. Nice and dramatic, huh? Heroic even!”

Rainbow put on her best grin for Twilight and then it fell off like the stupid mask it was. She fell back to the ground with a whump. 

“I’d throw it all in the trash to see her smile again,” Rainbow growled. “A real smile. Not that fake thing she’s been giving me since Apple Bloom moved out. A real smile!” Rainbow hated how her voice cracked. “For months now… maybe years? I always come home to that fake smile. Always. It never reaches her eyes, Twilight. It never reaches her eyes!”

Rainbow choked on all the dull memories. All the stupid conversations about nothing. Yeah, she knew that AJ and her weren’t superbrainiacs like Twilight, Sunset or Starlight. But even if they were talking about nothing, it still meant something. Now… the words were as worthless as a concrete flight harness. But past the words… seeing those eyes hurt more. They used to be so alive. 

Now? They always had bags under them. And there was nothing there! Nothing!

She missed her Applejack. She didn’t know this Applejack. Not anymore. 

“I miss her, Twilight,” Rainbow didn’t even care about the tears. “I miss the AJ I got hitched to. I miss the mare who used to love running, swimming… or just being there! We don’t… we don’t even have fights. Not for a while.”

Twilight sucked in a breath through her teeth. Yeah, Rainbow should have known that would get her attention. Her fights with AJ used to be the stuff of legends. Now? AJ was always too tired… and seeing her like that? It always made Rainbow tired. 

“Twilight… we’re not even married anymore. We’re roommates. Well… we were.” She lifted a hoof to the cold gray clouds around them. “We were.”

“It can’t be that bad, Rainbow.” Twilight sounded like she was begging. Sounded a bit like Rainbow a few months ago. Hadn’t done her any good. Why should it help Twilight? “Please… I… I can’t stand to see you like this. This isn’t you! And… you two… if things have been going on so long, why didn’t you say anything to us?”

“Told ya. Applejack wanted to keep it to herself. I think she’s got this picture in her head of how families are supposed to work. Especially married ones. You handle your own stuff. Maybe it’s an earth pony thing. But I wasn’t about to go around blabbing that AJ and I were having a rough time.”

“But… it can’t be that bad!” Twilight repeated. That was usually a sign she was like crazy upset. Oh well. “I can’t believe it’s that bad.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Rainbow scoffed. “Every day I’m out there busting my chops practicing to be the best Wonderbolt I can be! I’m literally living my dream I’ve had since I was a filly, but it’s crazy brutal.” Rainbow flexed her wings and groaned a little, remembering that turn she had to make to pull off the Icaranian Sun Salutation for Dragon Lord Ember. “When I used to get home, I was always exhausted, but when I saw her there… usually in the kitchen cooking up dinner? Twilight, it didn’t matter what crazy stunt we had just practiced. It could have been a double rainboom for pony’s sake! Seeing her? That used the best part of my day. Did things to me that no triple barrel roll with an inverted sideways corkscrew could ever do.”

Twilight shuffled a little. “When did that stop?”

“I don’t know! I just… at first, the fights got worse, okay? AJ kept going on about how I didn’t pull my weight around the house. Around the farm. But that wasn’t fair! Every bit I make with the Wonderbolts goes into the farm! By the time the weekend came along, I’m dead on my hooves. My wings ache like crazy. I just need some rest… but on this stupid farm there’s always something to do! Always more chores! Always something! We never get a stupid break!”

Rainbow knew she was screaming. She could tell because Twilight’s ears were plastered to her head and she was cringing again. Winona howled below her. Her own ears hurt. She could even hear her voice echoing out over the fields. 

She should have cared. If she woke up Applejack… it would make everything so much worse. They’d get into it again. Then Applejack would force her to move to the other side of the Everfree… which was really what she deserved…

She wrapped her hooves over her head and tried to bury herself in the clouds, wishing she could just melt into the storm below.

“Did you talk to her about it?” Twilight asked in a tiny voice from what sounded like halfway across Equestria. 

“I tried a few times,” Rainbow muttered. “But nothing ever got fixed. Twilight, Applejack’s right! There is always something to do on this stupid farm! That’s the problem! If somehow AJ gets it all done early… she’s too exhausted to do anything but maybe read a book. Half the time, she falls asleep in it! Six months ago? Remember the vacation I managed to set up for us? When Braeburn and a few of his cousins came out to the farm? She spent half of our time in Vanhoover sleeping! Just… there was nothing there. Same stupid dead smile!” Rainbow fought back another wave of tears. “For Celestia’s sake… it was better when we were just friends…”

“But… it’s…” Twilight sputtered. “There has to be a solution!”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried coming up with something?” Rainbow screeched at her. “Anything? But nothing works! The way I see it, there’s only one thing I can do. We do this right, we might be able to earn enough bits and not lose the farm. My pension will help make up for things while I get settled. Just need to make the jump.”

“So that’s it?” Twilight demanded. “You just decide to throw away your life’s dream?”

“Gotta make a choice, Twi,” Rainbow whispered as she settled herself down again and stared at the farmhouse. “The mare I love or the life I love.”

“That’s not a choice you should have to make,” Twilight said. “It’s not fair.”

“You’re right. It’s not. It’s also not fair that AJ’s been running this place since her Ma and Pa passed on. It’s not fair that Big Mac ended up having to move to Markstown when their farms got all messed after Chrysalis took the town hostage. Not fair when Granny Smith moved up there to help take care of Amber Apple. Not fair that my dream ends up with me on the other side of the planet every two months.”

Twilight didn’t respond. Rainbow wasn’t really surprised. What were you supposed to say? It was the truth. It sucked. But it was the truth.

“That’s why you’ve been checking out all those books,” Twilight murmured as the egghead finally got it. “You’ve been studying, trying to figure out how to do more around the farm. You’ve been doing that for… over a year? Rainbow… you hate learning stuff from textbooks. How long have you been planning this?”

“She’s worth it.” Rainbow muttered. She shifted forward so she could get a better picture of the double doors of their bedroom in the farmhouse. For a split second, she thought she saw something, but then it vanished. “I’ve gotten more and more wrapped up in the Wonderbolts when I should have realized she was drowning, Twilight. It just… I didn’t think about it! We’d have fights and I’d think we’d made up and stuff… then she’d pull out my screw-ups for the next time. Always yelling at me at how hard she works to keep our home afloat… like what I do doesn’t matter!”

“Rainbow!” Twilight snapped. She sounded scared, for some reason. “You can’t actually believe that! Applejack would never say that! She knows how important the Wonderbolts are to you!”

“I know,” Rainbow groaned. 

“That’s why—”

“I know!” Rainbow bellowed, but didn’t bother turning around to look at Twilight. “I know! I just… that night? After she came home from seeing that stupid shrink? She told me all the stuff she wanted me to start doing. Well, I told her what I wanted in return!”

Silence descended. Even the crickets outside were quiet. Like they cared. 

“What did you ask for?”

“Asked for the mare I used to date back.” Rainbow knocked off a chunk the size of her foreleg from her house and watched it float away. 

“And? What did she say?”

Rainbow was out of tears. She was too tired for any more tears. “Said she didn’t know if that pony was still there.”

Twilight got up, walked forward, and sat beside Rainbow. One of Twilight’s stupidly-big alicorn wings wrapped around her again. Rainbow wasn’t cold. She was a pegasus. She didn’t get cold. She was shivering anyway. The wing helped a little.

“When I came back from this last tour…” Rainbow whispered. “I asked her about those things she wanted me to do. Normal stuff. Trash, dishes, laundry, you know? Even wanted me to make dinner once in a while. Asked her if she was happy with how I was doing on it. You know what she said?”

She didn’t see Twilight shake her head. She did feel it though. 

“She told me, ‘Yeah, sugarcube. You done right by me.’” Rainbow swallowed. She didn’t really want to tell Twilight this. She hadn’t told anypony this. But she needed to tell somepony. “‘Ain’t the problem. Figured out what it was… ain’t you. It’s me. You’re doing everything right. But still hurts, you know?’”

“Oh, Rainbow…”

“The worst part was I… I knew she wasn’t asking for, like more or anything. She was happy with what I’d done. Just all the stuff she’s bottled up? It’s like cider with a single bad apple in it. Ruins the whole barrel. And before you make a joke, you go through enough cider seasons, you pick up on stuff like that!”

“I wasn’t going to make a joke, Rainbow.” Twilight squeezed her with her wing. “I care about you too much to do something like that to you.”

Rainbow nodded. She watched the doors. Just stared at them. 

“You think retiring from the Wonderbolts will help?” Twilight asked. She didn’t sound all judgmental now. It was a nice change. Only problem was she asked a bad question. Well, okay, fine. Not a bad question. Just a question with a bad answer.

“Probably not.” Rainbow shifted slightly into Twilight’s winghug. “Twilight… I don’t even know if AJ’s really there anymore. I… I don’t think I can help her. But I’m not going to stop trying! Nothing will make me stop trying!”

“Dr. Peony—he’s the pony who worked with Sunset and me—he said that… well, in the end, you can’t force a pony to really change. They have to do it. If Applejack really has…” Twilight hesitated. “I don’t know, lost herself, while we can be there for her… ultimately? It’s up to her.”

“Yeah, he said that to me too.”

Twilight shifted in surprise. “You’ve—”

“Luna ‘happened’ to wander through a nightmare a while back. Dropped his name. Been seeing him every week for a few months now, at least when I’m not on tour. Yeah, Twilight. I wasn’t gonna waste another chance at trying to get through to her! Believe it or not… I really want to fix this. But I can’t. He said that I need to focus on making me better. Said that this is a second chance for me. And for her. Once we get that, we’ll get a second chance for us. Ugh. Stupid psychobabble.” Rainbow gritted her teeth so hard her head hurt. “I have to trust her to come back on her own. I hate waiting. It sucks.”

“Yeah, it does,” Twilight admitted.

Almost all of it was out. Even cranky old Doc Peony hadn’t gotten this much out of her until like, two months had passed. But there was that last stupid thing. Rainbow tried to keep the words down, but the guilt. Ponyfeathers. She hated the guilt. Especially considering the earlier thoughts about the mare next to her.

“Twilight…” Rainbow licked her lips. Twilight perked up a little as if she figured out this was the big one. “AJ wants to have foals.”

“What?” Rainbow knew Twilight had heard her. Probably just surprised.

“Probably adopt them. She doesn’t really trust that…” Rainbow coughed, “special procedure for couples like us. She’s got it in her head that she’s like failing every Apple who ever lived by not building a family of her own. Nothing I say will get through to her. And with every month, it’s killing her, because she knows she can’t handle this farm and foals at the same time, not with me as a Wonderbolt.”

Twilight didn’t say a word. She could have been a statue. She was quiet for so long, Rainbow had to look to make sure she hadn’t fallen asleep or something. She hadn’t. She just stared at Rainbow with an open mouth and pain in her eyes. 

“That’s the other reason you want to retire?”

Rainbow nodded slowly. 

“You want to give her a chance to live her dream.”

Rainbow nodded again.

“You know she’d probably kill you if you tried.”

Rainbow nodded and decided to add a shrug to it this time. 

Then the silence came back. It lasted forever. Days, weeks, months… even years passed as the moon wandered around up there in the sky, doing whatever Luna wanted. 

A flash of magic blinded Rainbow for a moment. When she could see again, she looked down and her resignation letter sat at her hooves. 

“I’m sorry,” Twilight said quietly. “I shouldn’t have taken it away from you.”

“You thought you were helping,” Rainbow muttered. She was too tired to be angry at her. “I get it.”

“You still need to talk to her about it.”

Rainbow nodded one last time. “I know.”

“You want me to go? So you can go down there and…”

“Not ready yet,” Rainbow replied, her tongue feeling thick. “Maybe… maybe we could just sit here for a little longer?”

It was Twilight’s turn to nod.

“I’m sorry. It sounds like you’ve both been alone for a long time.”

“Yeah, we have.”

Twilight’s wing squeezed around Rainbow so tightly it knocked the breath from her. 

“You don’t have to be anymore. I’m not her… but I can at least be here for you.”

Rainbow managed to push out a mumbled thanks before she settled back down to watch the balcony doors, Twilight at her side. 

Rainbow Dash didn’t understand a lot of things. 

But as they sat there in the cold house made of stormclouds and watched the dark farmhouse, she was glad she had friends who at least tried to understand. Twilight couldn’t get it all, of course. Rainbow hoped she never did. The price of learning this kind of thing… learning so you got it… well, it royally sucked. 

Yeah, the only thing Rainbow really understood for sure right now was life sucked. Now… she had to figure out what to do about it. Not for Rainbow. Nah. Definitely not for her. She didn’t deserve that kind of consideration. Not after letting things get this screwed up. But Applejack deserved better. She deserved better and then some. Rainbow was going to make sure she got it. 

No matter what.
> Gray Curtains
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


Applejack didn’t feel a lot of things. 

Not lately. She knew that should worry her… but lately, she was too tired to rightly care about it. Everything was just… numb. She knew that worried Granny Smith. Ponyfeathers, that worried Granny enough she’d taken the long train down from Markstown to Ponyville to spend time with AJ while Rainbow had been showing off to a bunch of griffons and dragons. Seeing Granny again had managed to make Applejack feel a little. Unfortunately, the only thing it made her feel was guilt.

Granny shouldn’t be worrying about Applejack. Granny was a great-grandmother now. And little Amber Apple was almost as cute as Apple Bloom when she’d been born. Anyway, Big Mac could help Granny better than Applejack these days. Heck, he had a whole town to help Granny out. The few times Applejack had managed to make it up there, she’d been satisfied. Not happy. Not really. She hadn’t felt really happy… well, she hadn’t felt anything like happiness in a long time.

She stared at the ceiling of the big bedroom. Just like every other time she was in here alone, the empty space beside her felt like a giant block of invisible ice. Didn’t matter that she’d put Rainbow’s pillow lengthwise there. She’d come up with the idea halfway through Rainbow’s big show a few years back in Saddle Arabia. It had been the first time Applejack hadn’t been able to come with her. Eight days without the mare she’d loved. Felt like a lifetime. Putting her pillow there didn’t replace her. Tarnation, it tended to make her feel worse. But at least she could sleep. Tricked herself into thinking somepony slept beside her. Hadn’t worked tonight.

Applejack shivered, but she still didn’t pull the blankets over her. She was too tired. Land’s sake, she was always too tired. Every day. Every night.

But the worst nights? The worst nights were when no matter how tired her hooves—not to mention the rest of her—were, sleep just wouldn’t come. Happened a lot when Rainbow had been overseas. Happened a lot of other nights too. Applejack had almost asked Twi to send a letter to Princess Luna asking for a bit of help, but that seemed like cheating somehow. Nah. She didn’t deserve an easy way out. Not with what she was doing to poor Rainbow.

Her head turned and she glanced out the window of the balcony double doors. In the moonlight, she could make out the gray clouds of Rainbow’s old home, floating up on the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres. Only a smudge against the night sky, but she could see it. 

Applejack couldn’t bring herself to look any closer. Hurt too much.

She sighed and went back to staring at the ceiling. A few minutes passed. She turned over. Few more minutes wandered by. Turned over again.

Bed was still too cold. Too empty.

Like she had every night, Applejack thought about asking Rainbow to come back in. Just to be there. It’d help her sleep. She needed it, because she would be up before dawn, just like every other day. But she couldn’t do that to Rainbow. Not anymore. Applejack had put the poor mare through enough, jumping through all those hoops for months, trying to fix things. All to find out the problem weren’t Rainbow at all.

Applejack was the problem. And there wasn’t a damn thing anypony could do about it. 

A creak came from just outside her door. She bolted upright in bed, every hair on her coat sticking out like a scared cat. Had Rainbow decided to come in anyway? She didn’t think her wife had it in her to do something like that. Yeah, she was a prankster and about seven apples short of a bushel on her best days, but Rainbow wasn’t gonna try to sneak in. Not with something like this going on. It wasn’t her style.

“AJ?”

Applejack blinked a few times as her door slowly swung open. Luna’s moon shone barely enough so Applejack could see Granny Smith’s bright orange eyes reflecting in the hallway. Applejack couldn’t figure out what to say to her. They hadn’t said much since she’d arrived two weeks ago. At least, they hadn’t said much that mattered.

“Ya ain’t sleepin’,” Granny said as she slowly stepped inside the room. “Ain’t really a surprise. But ya should be. In a few hours, Celestia’s gonna wake up the sun.”

“I know, Granny,” Applejack replied. But she didn’t lay back down. She sat up in bed and dangled her hooves off the side. Her eyes drifted to the letter on the nightstand before wandering back down to the plush rug Auntie Applesauce had given them as a wedding present. “I know.”

Granny tsked and shook her head. “Ain’t right, young’un, seein’ ya like this.”

Applejack could have pretended she didn’t know what Granny was talking about. She knew better. She also didn’t know what to say. So, she shrugged.

Granny headed for the worn old rocking chair Applejack’s Pa had made a long while back. The old mare settled down and watched her granddaughter. Applejack stared back. 

Applejack broke first.

“What am I supposed to do, Granny?”

“Well, that depends, Applejack,” Granny replied. 

She stopped and looked thoughtful for a moment, but Applejack had long gotten used to Granny’s pauses. No matter how much her face aged, her eyes were always bright. When Applejack was a filly, she used to think that having Granny around was like having her own little version of Princess Celestia. It had been a comforting thing. She needed some timeless wisdom right about now. Maybe Granny could come up with something she hadn’t said before. Something special. Something to fix this mess. Something to fix her.

Granny let out a little sigh. “Well, young’un, Ah know it ain’t nearly this simple, but Ah gotta ask. Do ya want that little rainbow filly in yer life?”

Applejack leaned back as if she’d been slapped across the muzzle. She sputtered for a few moments… but Granny kept staring at her. Even did that single-eye-stare thing. Granny wasn’t messing around tonight. Only the truth would make her happy. It was funny, those words popping up in her head, but there they were. And there weren’t a dang thing she could do about it, save tell Granny exactly what she wanted to know.

There was a catch, though. Mighty big one at that.

“I don’t rightly know.”

“Seems a right strange answer, young’un.” Granny rubbed her chin a little, but she nodded a bit, too. “After all, ya did say ‘yes’ to that little filly way back when. And Ah know it took some time fer it to stick, but Ah didn’t raise ya to say things ya didn’t mean.”

“I did mean it, Granny!” Applejack protested. “I meant every word!”

Granny’s expression didn’t soften. It didn’t need to. She’d had nothing but kindness in her eyes since she came in. After all, she’d seen everything for herself. Ever since Rainbow came home. She’d been upstairs when…

Applejack swallowed and glanced back out the double doors to the balcony. In the dim moonlight, the curtains were a solid gray. Just like the small cloud home behind them.

Just like everything.

“Ah know ya did, child,” Granny whispered. “Ah know ya did. Ya ain’t lyin’. Ah know ya ain’t. But Ah can’t say it’s easy to see ya like this. Yer hurtin’ and ain’t a thing anypony can do about it.”

Applejack’s eyes wandered back to Granny, still rocking slowly in the shadows in the corner of the big bedroom. The hoof carved rocking chair didn’t even squeak as it moved back and forth. Granny Smith had brought it out of the attic after the wedding. It was supposed to be a gift from her Pa, always meant for her. It’d been meant to help rock AJ’s own little foals to sleep when they were up fussing and crying.

Applejack swallowed hard and looked down in shame.

“What would they say if they saw me now, Granny?” Applejack whispered.

“Who’s that, young’un?”

“Ma and Pa.”

“Oh, child…” Compassion laced every word. Applejack didn’t think she’d ever heard Fluttershy herself sound so pained. “That ain’t somethin’ ya should be thinkin’ about. Ain’t nothin’ down that road but pain and heartache.”

“They’d be so ashamed of me,” Applejack said, trying to fight back the tears. For all the jokes that she cried on the inside, she knew herself better. It took a lot to get her to cry. She figured she was about due. “So ashamed, Granny. Pushing away my wife? Ruining the family farm? Ma ended up giving up her whole family to be with Pa. And I can’t even make it with the pony I love more than life itself. Can’t even sleep beside her.”

“Ya ain’t sleepin’ without her either, child,” Granny replied. Her chair rocked a few times. “Ya ain’t got more than a few winks of sleep since Ah came here.”

“Don’t matter,” Applejack mumbled. “I’ve put her through so much, Granny. So much, all because… because… I gotta do this. I can’t let this farm die. I can’t lose it. It’s our farm… It’s… it’s…”

Applejack looked up at Granny. At those kind eyes. At that rocking chair where AJ should be sitting right now, cradling some little foal in her hooves with Rainbow smiling at her in bed. She could almost see it. Almost.

Something inside of her broke. That last piece of stubborn willpower that had kept her going all these months. All these years. All of it. The spring just snapped right off inside her and the pieces flew into the darkness. Right into that big pit where the pony named Applejack used to be.

Applejack slid from the bed to the floor, sobbing like a little filly. Time went strange.

Through the haze of tears, she could see all the little moments that had led up to her getting hitched to that rainbow-maned pegasus. Every little second. Every little smile. Every little laugh. Every little blush. Every little flutter of her heart. She didn’t think about the big adventures, like taking on Tirek, Discord, the changelings… all those big moments didn’t really matter in the end. Big things didn’t mean squat. Long ago, she’d learned that if a pony lived the little moments right, they would do right by the big ones. So many little moments of good… and so many little moments that slowly had turned into nothing but a gray blur.

The gray suffocated her, wound around her throat until she couldn’t breathe. But the tears kept coming. They wouldn’t stop. She couldn’t breathe and they wouldn’t stop. Maybe it would be better if the gray never stopped—

Surprisingly strong forehooves wrapped around the weeping mare. The scent of old applewood and aged spices flooded over her. The quiet murmur of the mare who’d been there after Ma and Pa had passed slipped around her flattened ears, but Applejack continued to sob.

Time went strange again, but the gray slowly slid away, giving her enough room to gasp for air. Applejack didn’t know how much time passed until her body was too tired to cry anymore. Felt like a few lifetimes. Felt like a few more before Granny spoke again.

“Child, ain’t right fer ya to be hurtin’ like this,” Granny murmured beside her. “Have ya… well… Ah know ya ain’t gonna like this. Ain’t gonna like it one bit. But ya ever think it might be time to put this life out to pasture?”

Applejack reeled back from Granny and stared at her as if she’d just revealed herself to be that dang Chrysalis. 

“You… you can’t mean that!” Applejack could barely get enough air. Suddenly, the gray was everywhere again. She couldn’t see anything aside the pity in Granny’s eyes. “Your Pa! Your Pa made this place! This town became what it is because of Sweet Apple Acres! I can’t throw that away! That’s… that’s… that would be betraying everypony! Ma, Pa, you, Apple Bloom, Big Mac, Sugar Belle and Amber Apple! Every other Apple out there! Even my friends! Everypony! I can’t! Granny… please… I can’t. It’s all I have left. It’s the only thing I know how to do anymore! Without this farm… I ain’t got anything. Nothin’ left.”

She didn’t think about the letter. She refused to think about the letter.

“Ya got that pretty little wife of yers,” Granny pointed out.

“Ain’t even sure I got that anymore.” Applejack shook her head. “Please… Granny… don’t make me do this…”

“Ah ain’t makin’ ya do anythin’, child,” Granny Smith said as she patted Applejack with a hoof. “And Ah never said ya should close up the farm. Ah saw the letter, AJ. Grand Pear told me about Pear Wood.”

Applejack couldn’t meet Granny’s eyes. Instead, she looked over at the letter on the nightstand. A friendly thing. A cheerful message sent from one cousin to another. Pear Wood didn’t know what Applejack was going through. He had no way of knowing. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“I can’t sell our home, Granny,” Applejack whispered, ignoring those tiny little daydreams saying otherwise. “Not even to family. It’s… It’s… Granny, I hate myself every day for even keeping that dang letter. I can’t. It would be like… it would be like Rainbow quitting the Wonderbolts.”

“Hush, child.” Granny pressed a hoof against Applejack’s shoulder. “Ah told ya. Ah never said ya should give up Sweet Apple Acres. But this ain’t the same farm y’all grew up on. Big Mac’s doin’ important things up north. Ah’m mighty proud of him and that sweet little Sugar Belle. He made the hard call. Went to help other ponies. But yer carryin’ on like he’s still around to help shoulder the load! He ain’t.”

“I know that! I don’t hate him for it either! After what Chrysalis did to that poor town… I swear if Starlight, Sunset and Twi hadn’t dealt with that damn bug, my brother would have bucked her into sludge for what she did to Sugar Belle. Ain’t right.”

“Yer still holdin’ onto the spot where he was, young’un. He made the hard choice. And Ah don’t think for a moment he made the wrong one, neither.” Granny nodded in approval. “No, Ah think he’s done right by ‘em folk up there.”

“I never said he didn’t!” Applejack protested.

“Then why ya tryin’ to run this place by yer lonesome, child?”

“Because I don’t have a choice!” Applejack shouted. “Granny! We tried the hired help thing! It was a disaster! I turned into everything I hated. I hated telling all those folk what to do. I ain’t no manager! I’m a farmer. Helping organize family? That’s one thing. But managing strangers? Whole thing… it just made me sick. And we were losing bits! Whole thing was a cotton-picking mess! And I can’t just… I can’t… I can’t depend on the girls! They ain’t farmers! It…” Applejack trailed off with a choked sob.

“Ya can’t keep doin’ this to yerself either, child. Gotta be another way.”

“She’s probably telling her the same thing…” Applejack mumbled, looking back out into the night sky.

“Who’s that now?” Granny followed Applejack’s gaze.

Applejack’s gaze landed on the small floating home. It looked so gray in Luna’s light without a single rainbow. It looked dead.

“She’s up there right now,” Applejack murmured. “She’s watched this here room every night until she’s fallen asleep. Before I turned off the lights, I saw Twi flying to the front door.”

“What do ya think she’s tellin’ her, child?” Granny asked.

“I don’t rightly know anymore,” Applejack admitted, hanging her head in shame. “I wish I knew, Granny. I wish I knew. I’m a lonely shadow of a mare… only one thing in the world I still know how to do. And that’s run this farm.”

“And what about her?”

“Rainbow?”

“Mmhmm.” Granny nodded.

“She’s got so much life in her. Granny… I remember when she first got into the Wonderbolts. She was so excited, practically turned into Pinkie Pie for weeks. Then? After the first few bumps were worked out, even Pinkie couldn’t keep up with her.”

Granny snorted.

“Okay,” Applejack admitted with a very small smile. “Maybe not quite that bad. But still… She was so full of life, Granny. Her head was always in the clouds. She could take me flying in the living room just by talking about her latest show. I loved her for it. I still love her for it… but I… I’m so tired. Every day. Every day, Granny. I’m so tired… I can’t keep up with her anymore.”

“Ya ever tell her that?”

“Too many times,” Applejack muttered. “There’s so many times where I wanted help, but she was so tired herself. I know what the Wonderbolts cost her. She’s as dead tired as me when she gets home. Add in all those away shows? Granny… without her, we’d have already lost the farm. We need those bits.”

“Happiness is more important than bits, child. Ah taught ya better than that.”

“I can’t lose this place, Granny,” Applejack’s voice cracked. She knew she was begging. Made her feel ashamed, but not ashamed enough to care. “Can’t do it.”

“Ah know, child.” Granny let out a long sigh and nodded. “Ah know. Yer soul’s part of this here land. Just like every Apple before ya. When ya become an Apple, this turns into home. Even Apples who ain’t never seen this place… this is their home. Always will be. Ah ain’t gonna lie. It’s a mighty big thing ya got on yer shoulders.” Granny cracked a little smile. “But ya got the shoulders to do it. Yer Ma and yer Pa… they made right sure of it. Ah did my best to keep those shoulders nice and strong. Ya’ve done right by ‘em. By all of us.”

“Except Rainbow,” Applejack whispered. “Except having little… the little… ones…” Her voice died away like a whisper in a lost cave. 

Granny didn’t reply to that.

“Who am I, Granny?” Applejack rasped. “Who am I anymore? The Map never calls Rainbow or me anymore. Not for anything. I can’t remember the last time I had one of Pinkie’s cupcakes. For Pony’s sake, what I wouldn’t give to have Rarity chasing after me to get me all gussied up. Ain’t nothing left in me but the work. Always the work.”

“Yer Applejack, child.” Granny poked her in the chest with a hoof. “Yer that girl Rainbow married. That girl that pretty pegasus adores. And Ah think yer pushin’ her away ‘cause ya don’t want her to get hurt no more.”

“I’m pushing her away because I don’t even know what I am anymore. I just exist to do chores. Ain’t good for nothing else.”

“That ain’t true and ya know it!” Granny’s voice cracked like a whip. “Yer plenty good for plenty, young’un. Ya know that. Ah know that. No, ya ain’t ready for foals yet. Ain’t somethin’ ya want to hear, but it’s true. Ya once held that fancy necklace of yers sayin’ ya were the spirit of honesty. Just because ya don’t wear it no more don’t mean ya still ain’t that pony.”

“But—”

“No buts!” Granny interrupted. “Ah know yer hurtin’ child, but this talk about ya bein’ good fer nothin’ but chores ain’t somethin’ Ah’m gonna put up with! Ah also know it’ll be yer turn to have young'uns of yer own when the time is right. And y’all have ‘em with that pretty little pegasus gal out there.”

“I…” Applejack swallowed. “I’m not ready, Granny. I can’t… I can’t have her back yet. I… I gotta figure this out. I gotta find some part of that pony I used to be. That pony that Rainbow fell in love with. Gotta find her.”

“Ever occurred to ya that maybe instead of lookin’ fer somethin’ in the pony ya were… maybe ya should try to find somethin’ in the pony ya are?”

Applejack opened her mouth to respond… but nothing came out.

“Ah’ve seen the way that filly looks at ya, AJ. Ah’ve seen her up there, starin’ down at this here balcony. Watchin’. Hopin’. Waitin’. She’d wait until the end of time, child. After all… while my memory ain’t what it used to be… Ah think she used to wear a pretty necklace, too. Somethin’ about loyalty. She’ll wait fer ya.”

“Are you sure, Granny?”

Granny slowly got back to her hooves with an assortment of creaks and pops.

“As sure as Celestia raises the sun, young’ un. Even if ya send her away… ya ain’t ever gonna leave her heart. She loves ya with every hair on that crazy multicolored head of hers. She ain’t gonna give up on ya.”

Applejack’s eyes slid back to view beyond the gray curtains. For a moment, she thought she saw a lavender form disappear into the night, but she couldn’t tell which direction it went.

“Even if I give up on myself?”

Granny chuckled lightly. “Especially then, child. Ah know ya got a lot restin’ on yer shoulders. And Ah know y’all never let this farm die. And right now… yer killin’ yerself to make this place work. But y’all make it work, child. Y’all make it work.”

“How do you know, Granny? How can you be so sure?”

“Because there ain’t just one Apple here, child,” Granny said as she slowly headed for the door. “There’s two. Only difference is… one’s got wings. Y’all both belong here. Always have. Always will. Ya just need another chance to find yerself again. Her too. That filly needs that chance. Then, y’all really get that second shot, together. Y’all find a way to make it work. Ah got faith in y’all. Even if ya don’t. Even if she don’t. Y’all make it work. Won’t be easy. Be right hard.” Granny paused and took a breath. “But y’all make it work.”

Applejack didn’t turn to watch Granny leave. Instead, she watched the night sky. Especially a little smear of gray, a spot where she knew her wife was right now. She’d probably fallen asleep already. She didn’t get angry about that. She didn’t mind. Rainbow deserved her sleep. Naw. Instead of getting angry, Applejack grabbed a pillow from her bed and settled down next to the window. It took about a minute or so until she managed to get situated so she could lay down and watch the little cloud home. But she made it work.

Applejack didn’t feel a lot of things.

Not lately. Tonight, though… tonight was different. Tonight, she felt that great gaping hole inside of her. Even from the other side of the room, she still felt cold. She still could feel Rainbow’s empty spot on the bed. That invisible block of ice that wasn’t anywhere save for her heart. Her eyes began to close, more of a weary soul than anything else. She was just… out. She didn’t have anything left.

As she spied a tiny spot of color in that gray house… she wondered if she would ever find anything to replace all that she’d lost. Granny hadn’t offered her any solutions… save one that she couldn’t use. Granny knew that. Applejack was sure of it. Rainbow would spit her bit if she tried. She’d probably do something stupid like quit the Wonderbolts to stop her from doing it. All in a desperate attempt to make Applejack happy.

It was a silly thought… Rainbow would never leave the Wonderbolts. But even as her eyes fluttered, somewhere deep inside, she knew that Rainbow actually would do it if she thought it would help Applejack. It wouldn’t make Applejack happy, but she knew Rainbow would do it. She knew because she knew the mare she loved. The mare she’d married. And if she still knew that about Rainbow… well…

Maybe there was still a tiny spark of hope left after all.
> Gray Fires
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


Granny Smith saw a lot of things. 

Now, most ponies around town thought she was a bit slow these days. But nah. Weren’t anythin’ like that. She was just gettin’ on in years. Maybe her eyes weren’t what they used to be. Time took a toll on a pony. But she was an Apple. And Apples were strong. Apples knew how the world worked. Knew a lot. Understood a lot. Felt a lot.

By Celestia, Granny paid the world better heed than ponies even a quarter her age.

That’s how she spied a little flicker of purple leavin’ that fancy cloud home. After that, she kept her ears open. It were no surprise when she heard the kitchen door just after she closed poor Applejack’s door. She’d made sure to unlock the kitchen door before comin’ to see AJ, just like every other night since that cute pegasus filly had come home. No matter what either filly said, Granny knew that Sweet Apple Acres was home fer the pair of ‘em. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

But she also knew what that particular filly sounded like when she came in. Even trying to be quiet, that filly had flair. She could probably be sneaky… but never when Granny was around. The hoofsteps she heard from downstairs… well, they belonged to another filly. A filly who cared fer the two of ‘em just as much as Granny did. She respected that filly fer it, too.

The sad thing was… that filly was probably hurtin’ somethin' fierce. Granny weren’t rightly sure she could help her, but she could sure as sugar try.

“She’s asleep?” the alicorn in the kitchen asked as Granny slowly came down the stairs.

“Yup,” Granny answered. “What about her?”

“Yeah. It took quite a while, but she’s sleeping. She sat and stared at the balcony until she finally nodded off.”

Granny nodded and puttered over to the stove to put on a pot of tea. Twilight tried to help, but Granny tsked at her. Enough to get the little filly to settle down into a kitchen chair. After all, even in the middle of the night, weren’t right to ignore a guest.

Princess Twi had long ago made it clear she didn’t want any sort of highfalutin ceremonies around her. It were somethin’ she liked about the filly. Ain’t to say Granny didn’t like the other princesses, but it was nice fer an old mare to be able to sit down and have a chat with a Royal once every few moons or so. Though, truth be told, Granny was pretty darn sure the lil’ alicorn was gettin’ the better deal durin’ those little chats.

“So, how’d you know Ah’d be here?” Granny asked as she pulled down a few teacups and some bags.

“I was worried about Applejack,” Twilight admitted, her ears back. “I cast a hearing enhancement spell. Wanted to see if she was asleep.”

Granny turned to cock a single eyebrow at her. Twilight cringed a little. “All I heard was your voice and hers for a few seconds! I turned it off as soon as I realized you two were talking! I promise, Granny Smith!”

“Ya got good manners, child.” Granny nodded in approval and shifted the teapot to sit better on the stove. “Right kind of ya, lookin’ out fer the two of ‘em like ya do.”

“Doesn’t help,” Twilight mumbled. “Doesn’t help one bit.”

“Now, why would ya say a silly fool thin’ like that fer?” Granny didn’t turn around this time. She got out the sugar and the milk. She’d had enough teas with this little filly to know Twilight liked her tea straight up, but as Granny got long in the tooth, she found she liked her own brew a bit softer these days. Better on the bones. “Ain’t yer fault they’re in this mess. Ain’t really theirs either. Just their first big ol’ hurtle they need to jump.”

“‘Their first hurdle…’?” Twilight repeated tonelessly. “With all due respect, Granny Smith… this isn’t just a hurdle! Rainbow Dash is talking about resigning from the Wonderbolts. Applejack asked Rainbow to leave their home. All signs point toward a classic mid-life crisis in both of them… one that could easily end in a semi-permanent separation! A couple at this stage has a thirty-two percent chance of ending the relationship entirely according to recent studies by the Equestrian Relationship Census!”

“Now, don’t ya go makin’ this all complicated and fancy with numbers of what other folk do,” Granny warned. She wasn’t about to listen to that sort of nonsense. “Ya ain’t talkin’ about two random ponies from Celestia-knows where. Yer talkin’ about yer friends. They got a mighty strong bond and Ah ain’t talkin’ about those fancy necklaces y’all used to wear!”

“But… the data!” Twilight sputtered. Granny thought it was cute, really. This filly did like her fancy books and fancier numbers. “The data! It’s clearly outlined in their most recent study! It came up during my pre-marital counseling with Cadance and Dr. Peony! You can’t just ignore the signs, Granny Smith! They’re in real trouble! Real trouble!”

“Ah know exactly what kind of trouble they’re in, child,” Granny said with a faint smile. “Ah’ve been around a bit longer than ya, after all. Ask that pretty white princess of yers.”

The kettle squealed fer a few seconds before Granny snatched it off the burner. A few deft movements of mouth and hoof later, there were a pair of teacups on the table. Twilight whispered a small thank you and steeped her tea with that fancy magic of hers. Granny used a hoof to stir hers with a spoon.

“So… what did you tell AJ?” Twilight asked, timid as a field mouse during a cat show. “If… if you don’t mind me asking…”

“Ah don’t mind, Twi.” Granny blew on the tea, enjoying the smell of fancy chamomile and good old fashioned apples. “But Ah doubt yer gonna find any great wisdom in my words. Probably told her the same ya did that pegasus up there. Told her to keep strong. They’ll make it work. Their type always does. Seen it before.”

The pretty little alicorn seemed to chew on that fer a spell before slammin’ her hoof down on the kitchen table. Granny smiled a bit and leaned back in her chair, taking a little gulp of her tea.

“I can’t just accept that!” Twilight cried. “I can’t let them do this alone! I’m the Princess of Friendship for pony’s sake! And if I can’t help two of my best friends through this… I-I-I don’t deserve my crown… I can’t… I can’t bear to…”

Finally, that mask the filly had been wearin’ broke. Tears streamed down the poor filly’s face. She sobbed hard too, right into her hooves. Granny let her cry it out fer a spell. These days, ponies forgot that cryin’ was part of life. Weren’t nothin’ to be ashamed of. Important part of dealin’ with the nastier parts of the day-to-day.

A few minutes passed. Granny watched the filly sob her little heart out. She could see that heart breakin’ plain as day. Some might call it strange, but seein’ that broken heart warmed Granny’s own. Not cause of the pain, no. Only a pony who really loved her friends could hurt this bad when she saw ‘em in a pickle.

Finally, the time had passed. Granny got her aching bones up and slid a chair over to the cryin’ alicorn. Then she settled down next to her and sat a hoof on her shoulder. Nothin’ fancy. Just remindin’ the poor filly Granny was there. It were enough.

A few minutes later, lil’ Twilight emerged from behind her hooves. Her eyes were red and puffy, coat all matted and wet. She looked a right mess. Granny knew the next words would hurt somethin’ fierce, but they needed to be said. Best get it over with right quick.

“Ain’t about ya, child,” Granny whispered. “Ain’t about ya or me. It’s about them. This kind of road… well, it’s a narrow one. Tall, too. Best ya can do is be there when they fall. Ya did good with that tonight. Ya were there when that pretty pegasus granddaughter of mine needed ya. Hard to be there, but ya were.”

“There has to be something…” Twilight mumbled, staring at her tea. Granny could tell she’d been sayin’ those words a lot. Sounded like a mantra or somesuch. “There has to be something we can do. Or somepony! Anypony!”

“Child…” Granny sighed.

“I know!” Twilight crowed, her wings flaring out faster than Rainbow’s on hearin’ the word ‘cider.’ “Cadance! Her special talent is love, after all! I’m sure she’ll have something.”

“Ah ain’t meanin’ to speak fer a princess.” Granny chuckled lightly. “But she ain’t gonna be able to fix those two with a wave of her horn. Ya go ahead and ask her, but Ah’ll bet she’ll tell ya the same thing Ah’m sayin’ right here and now.”

“But… but…” Twilight’s wings dropped and Granny sighed. The poor thing looked so little and lost right now. “What if… the girls and I—”

“You rightly think quittin’ yer princessin’ to work a farm is what either of ‘em would want?” Granny replied. “As fer the rest of yer friends, well, they got lives. Now, Ah know my granddaughter is a proud pony, just like that wife of hers. But this ain’t somethin’ that can be fixed in an afternoon.”

“I can organize things! I can hire workers! I’ll do the management even!” Tears leaked from Twilight’s eyes. “Or I’ll find a manager for her! Somepony you can all trust! I can help!”

“All that’ll do is take away the last thing Applejack has left, child.” Granny’s voice was gentle. She knew Twilight wanted to help her friends, but she was still young enough that sometimes she missed the big picture. That was fine. Big pictures were fer the elders. “You can’t do that to her. It’ll kill her inside. She’s a farmer. Soul of an Apple, through and through. Like her Ma and Pa before her. Like me and mine before ‘em. And of course, my Pappy and Mama.”

Granny didn’t mention Pear Wood and his offer. She’d let Applejack tell her friends about that when she was right and ready. Weren’t Granny’s place to put the cart before the pony.

“But… Rainbow… she’s willing to give up her dream… her whole life…” Twilight whimpered.

“Ain’t surprised. She’s got a good heart, that one. But Applejack wouldn’t hear a word of it. Ya know it, Ah know it.”

“But… that leaves them with nothing…” Twilight moaned, rubbing her eyes with her hooves as another fresh bout of tears welled on up. “Nothing at all… no hope for change.”

Granny sighed and leaned forward, resting her forehooves on the table. She thought long and hard. This here princess once had lived in that pretty ol’ library before that big brute blew the poor place up. Granny had been right happy to see Twilight’s friends planting a new library years ago. Only a few months before she moved up to Markstown, Granny been there fer the opening shindig of the Shining Oaks Library. It looked just like the ol’ one. Twilight had bawled her eyes out seein’ that place open up. 

Yes, this was a filly who liked stories. Well, Granny had plenty of stories. Good ones, too. Might have one to fit the bill here.

“Child, ya ever heard the story of my favorite cousin?”

Twilight blinked at her owlishly. “Huh?”

“Filly by the name of Apple Rose?”

“I… I don’t think so.” Twilight’s eyes flicked back and forth as if she were reading some book or somethin’ in her head. “I admit, I’m not as familiar with the Apple family tree as I probably should be.”

“‘Shucks.” Granny waved a hoof at her. “Ain’t nothin’ like that. Ah don’t aim to give ya a history lesson. Just one on life. Ya been married now… what? Two years?”

“Two years next month,” Twilight murmured, blushing a little.

Granny couldn’t help but smile at that little ol’ blush. It was a sweet thing. “Well, good on ya. Both of ya happy?”

Twilight nodded, biting her lip.

“Ya lost the spark yet?”

Now, Twi froze, looking confused. “What?”

Granny smiled and got back up to fetch her tea, then settled back down next to the alicorn.

“The spark, child,” Granny explained. “When a couple first gets together, everythin’s usually all passion and fire. But fires can’t burn that hot forever. Ya should know that.”

“I believe you’re talking about the ‘honeymoon period’,” Twilight said, scratching her mane. “I… I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Well, that’s fine. Ain’t no need to rush it. But it’ll happen someday. And when that happens… that’s when y’all find out what yer really made of, child.”

“I don’t understand.”

“So, like I said, Apple Rose? She were my favorite cousin. She lived on the other side of the Everfree though… so Ah didn’t get to see her often. But we exchanged letters. Ah remember the letter Ah got when she first met the love of her life, big strapping stallion by the name of Red Pine. Oooh, she went on and on and on about that stallion. Wouldn’t stop yappin’ about him!” Granny chuckled and smiled. “Took plenty of beggin’ and pleadin’ to my Ma and Pa, but Ah did get to be there at their weddin’. Right proper Apple family wedding it were. Used that old tradition of plantin’ trees, too… same one Applejack’s Ma and Pa used once upon a time.”

“Sounds sweet,” Twilight said, her eyes wide and a tiny smile on her pretty little lips.

“Oh, they were as happy as two ponies could be.” Granny agreed. “Mighty fine pair. Even had a pair of colts. Red Pine worked the fields. Apple Rose, she raised the young’uns. But, time went by… the letters Ah got started to worry me. Got shorter. A lot shorter. Sometimes weren’t any letters at all. Then one day, Ah get a nasty letter, one sayin’ that… well, she were thinkin’ of leaving Red Pine. Mind ya, this were a whole mess of moons after they got married. Weren’t a quick thing at all! Can’t quite remember how old the colts were then.” Granny tapped her chin with a hoof. She could see their faces, but all the way back then… ah well, didn’t matter much.

“Leaving him?” Twilight sputtered. “Why? You made it sound like they were happy!”

“Well, Red Pine were a mighty hard worker. Slaved over their farm day in and day out. He pushed himself too hard, always tryin’ to provide fer his family, ya see. Ended up hurtin’ himself. Made it even harder. He could still do the fieldwork, but the young’uns were too small to help and by the time he were done? Oh… he could barely stand.” Granny shook her head. “Weren’t a pretty sight.”

“She…” Twilight looked horrified. “She was willing to abandon somepony who worked so hard for them?”

Now, Granny could have gotten mad right then and there. But she knew Twilight didn’t really know what she were sayin’. She were still just a young’un, after all.

“Ain’t like that,” Granny said with a pat on the alicorn’s hoof. “Ol’ Red still had some other stallions he went out with from time to time, leaving Apple Rose with the colts. Rose? She was stuck! Raising two colts… their pappy always too tired to do much in the way of helpin’ to raise ‘em… weren’t really his fault. She kinda… well, she kinda lost her way. Forgot how to take the good parts outta life. Well, after some months of this, she… just broke. A few mares she knew told her she’d be better off gettin’ away from the stallion she loved. So… after a long talk with Red—and that’s important mind ya, they did talk—Apple Rose and her two colts came on down to Sweet Apple Acres fer a spell.”

“She… she actually left him?” 

“Eeyup.” Granny nodded. “Hard thing to do, too. Red and Rose made it sound like a vacation, so as to not upset the kids. But every night, Rose would stare out into the Everfree, as if lookin’ through those branches… tryin’ to see Red.”

“What happened?”

“Don’t you rush me, child,” Granny snapped, though there was a smile in there too. “Ah’m gettin’ there. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey. Anyhoo, Red and Rose sent letters back and forth. Little messages. Like how the colts were doin’ or how the farm was doin’. Rose let me read most of ‘em. Every single one? They hurt. They were like lil’ sparks burnin’ ‘em both from a distance.”

“Sounds too familiar…” Twilight mumbled. She glanced up, right where Applejack were sleepin’, then back out the kitchen door where Luna’s moon made that pegasus home shine. “They were hurting without each other.”

“Now, yer tryin’ to jump ahead again,” Granny chided. “Ah’ll make it easy fer ya, child. Now, to give ya the whole picture would last until dawn, but what ya need now is the comfert of that fiery-maned filly yer so fond of. Ah aim to get ya back there right quick, but Ah want to do it with a good heart in ya.”

“But… I want to know the whole story!” Twilight protested. “I need all the facts!”

“No, ya don’t.” Granny smiled at the alicorn filly again. “Ah’ll tell ya what ya need. Ya need the truth. Rainbow? AJ? They found who they were way back when before they ever got hitched. Now? Now they’re gonna get a chance to find out who they are today. They’re usin’ it, too. Right now, both of ‘em—both, mind ya—they’re lookin’ fer who they are. It’s a normal part of life. Ah seem to remember Applejack telling me about ya once beggin’ some alicorns friends of yers about that sort of thing way back when. Powerful thing, purpose. Apple Bloom and her little filly friends? They don’t even know how important what they’re doin’ is. Ponies need a reason.”

“A reason to what?” Twilight rubbed her mane. Poor thing looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Painful to see, really, especially since the poor filly had learned about all this a few hours back. “And what does Apple Bloom and the other Crusaders have to do with this?”

“Purpose, child. Purpose. My Pappy once told me about it. Think Ah was about Apple Bloom’s age.” Granny straightened up and did her best impersonation of her Pappy’s voice. “‘Granny Smith, there’s three important questions everypony’s gotta answer fer themselves sooner or later!’” Granny ignored Twilight’s little giggle. “‘The first is ‘Who are ya?’ The second is ‘Whaddya want?’ And the third? ‘Where ya goin’?’”

“‘Who are you,’” Twilight repeated. “‘What do you want,’ and ‘where are you going’.”

“That’s right, young’uns,” Granny said with a nod. She took a sip of her tea. Helped her throat a bit. Doing Pappy’s voice always made her a bit hoarse.

“But…” Twilight shook her head. “They’re the spirits of the Elements of Harmony! I know Rainbow said that Applejack needed to find herself… but… but… They should already know that! I’ve never had any doubt who they are or what they want! Even where they’re going! They should know it! All our friends know it!”

Granny chuckled. She remembered when she was that sure of the world. Mighty fine feelin’… until it all came crashin’ down. Still, she managed to keep the pang to herself. It weren’t the time to be thinkin’ about Bright Mac or Buttercup.

“What Ah didn’t understand back then,” Granny continued. “Who ya are? It changes. Most ponies don’t get that. Who ya are ain’t just one thing. Yer a perfect example! Once upon a time, ya were just a lil’ filly, starin’ up into Princess Celestia’s eyes. Then, ya came to Ponyville, made some friends. Started doin’ big things. Then another day stumbles along… and yer a princess. Tell me, ya ever see that one comin’?”

Twilight shook her head.

“That’s what Ah thought. Now, yer married. Got a wife back home. Maybe someday y’all have foals. Then ya change again. Same fer all of it. Whadda want, where ya going… it all changes. Every day, just a little. Well, gettin’ on back to my story, that’s where Apple Rose and Red Pine were at. The real hard part… was learnin’ who they were without the other one. Both had to learn it. Rose? She’d forgotten who she’d been before havin’ those colts—even though she loved ‘em more than life itself. Red? Same thing. He were scared. Scared of being a pappy. Scared of messin’ up. Forgot who he used to be. Forgot how to be the stallion Rose loved.”

Twilight’s eyes were nice and big now. Meant she were gettin’ it. That made Granny smile and warmed her heart.

“In the end, it took Rose three months to move on back home. But it didn’t just fix itself overnight, now. No, those two had to keep figurin’ it out every single day. But the key? The important thing? The most important thing?”

Granny leaned down, making sure she had Twilight’s full attention. Hopefully, if she got through to this filly, the poor thing might be able to avoid this little snag Applejack and Rainbow had gotten into. Maybe not. She were her own pony. She’d make her own mistakes. But she deserved this chance.

“The important thing… despite the fights… despite losin’ everythin’ they’d been, forgettin’ what they wanted… even where they were goin’? They made a choice.”

“And… what choice was that?” Twilight whispered in the dark kitchen.

“Ya remember when Ah said that everythin’ starts all passion, excitement and fire?” Twilight nodded and Granny smiled. “Well, that fire’s gonna fade. Eventually, leave nothin’ but embers. Leave those embers alone too long… well, ya gonna end up with cold ashes. Red and Rose? They realized that love were a choice. Fallin’ in love is easy. Being in love is hard. Ya gotta keep stoking those embers. Keep ‘em alive. Keep ‘em burnin’. Sometimes, it’ll get colder than a timberwolf’s toenails. But ya keep that fire going anyway. Ya keep pumpin’ yer heart into it. Makin’ that choice, every day. A choice to love.”

Granny leaned back and finished off her tea.

“Today, Apple Rose and Red Pine got a mighty big plot of land on the other side of the Everfree. Colts got big and strong, found themselves good mares, kept the family goin’. Four generations of Apples live out there these days. All of ‘em happy as can be. Ah finally got to see Red again last reunion, since he hadn’t been able to come to a few of ‘em because of his back. They’re good. They’re happy. They made it work.”

“And… what about Applejack and Rainbow Dash?” Twilight said. “Does it really rest on them? Alone?”

“Ah’m afraid so, child,” Granny replied. “They’re good ponies, both of ‘em. Strong in the heart and strong in the soul. Ah can’t tell ya how it’ll work, but Ah have faith that it will. They got good friends, folk they can talk to. Both of ‘em, includin’ that Rainbow, they’ll find themselves. Find out who they are. What they want. And when they do all that… they’ll find where they’re goin’.”

“You sound so certain of it,” Twilight murmured. “I wish I had your confidence.”

“Years of experience, young’un,” Granny replied, getting the cups—Twilight had finished hers while Granny had told the story—and puttin’ ‘em in the sink. “Now, Ah’ll admit… Ah may be wrong. Maybe they ain’t right fer one another. But Ah like to think Ah got a good eye fer this sort of thing. And Ah know my granddaughter. Ah think with some time… it’ll work out.”

“So… what do I do?”

“Ya be there, silly filly! Ain’t ya been payin’ attention?” Granny laughed. “Ya be there. Ya listen. Ya don’t push—unless they need a push—and considerin’ those two? They’ll probably ask fer it when they need it. Well, maybe. Either way, ya respect ‘em. Give ‘em time. They’ve been hurtin’ fer a right long while… it’ll take a right long while to help heal ‘em. Be patient, child. With ‘em... and yerself.”

Granny let out a mighty yawn. Long past time fer her to get some shuteye. But she checked the lil’ princess before her. Her wings were flutterin’ a bit awkward and her head were cocked to the side, like she were thinkin’ somethin’ fierce.

“Now, ya best be gettin’ home now. That wife of yers liable to come lookin’ fer ya if ya take too long.”

“Granny Smith?” Twilight’s eyes were wet and shiny in the moonlight again.

“Hm?”

To Granny’s surprise, the filly leapt into the air and all but tackled Granny in a great hug. She let out a single sob, though Granny weren’t quite sure if was one of relief or one of pain. “Thank you.”

“We’re all family, child.” Granny patted her on the head. “Every one of us. Ah know this hurts ya, too. Just be there fer ‘em. It’ll work out.”

Twilight looked into Granny’s eyes and smiled. The princess musta found somethin’ there too, because Granny could see the strength flow back into the filly. After all, this was the filly who faced down some of the meanest things in all the world. Weren’t right to see her messed up. But right then and there, Granny could see that seeing her friends in pain scared her more than the very gates of Tartarus. That fear just slid on back to it’s hole now, where it belonged.

With a final pat on the head, Granny smiled and headed back up the stairs.

“Goodnight, Granny Smith. Thank you… for everything.”

“Goodnight, Twilight.” Granny replied with a little wave.

Before she made it up to the top of the stairs, the lil’ princess were gone into the night. And if Granny had done things right… she’d go right into the hooves of that wife of hers. Hopefully, they’d get to enjoy that fire a bit longer before they had to work on that choice.

Granny passed Applejack’s room. She paused to listen and heard the heavy breathin’ of her granddaughter. She peeked in and smiled, seeing Applejack curled up on the floor, facin’ the window. Facin’ her wife. Granny could just make out a bit of rainbow mane in that fancy cloud home, looking right this way. Granny smiled a bit wider, pulled a blanket over her granddaughter and tottered off to her own room. She made sure to close the door behind her, then opened the window to let the cool night air in. She loved the feel of the autumn wind in the night, especially comin’ from the Everfree. It reminded her of her Pappy and Mama. Of her own handsome stallion, long past…

And of course, of two very special ponies who had ended up going to join her husband far sooner than anypony had ever expected.

With a sigh, she walked over to the bed. She rubbed an aching hoof fer a minute before reaching over to her nightstand. A light gray book lay there, its pages open and two smiling faces staring up at her.

“Don’t y’all worry yer pretty little heads,” Granny said to the picture. “Yer daughter’s a fighter. Ah can’t pretend to know how they’re gonna work this out. Maybe that Rainbow will retire. Maybe she’ll just do the Wonderbolts shows from time-to-time. Maybe Applejack might close down part of the farm.” She could almost see her son and his wife wince in the dancin’ moonlight streamin’ in from outside. “Well, that ain’t likely, Ah’ll admit… but y’all raised her well. Did my best after y’all went to see…” Granny coughed, a bit of dry night air makin’ it nigh impossible to say the name. “After y’all went to see yer Pappy. Harmony knows… Ah do miss y’all. Wish y’all were here to help her. Ain’t much help on any farm these days.”

She ran a hoof along the picture. A few tears fell from her cheek down to the page, staining the paper gray. That weren’t anythin’ new. Happened most nights.

“Ah promise… Ah’ll stay with her no matter what. Maybe tomorrow Ah’ll make ‘em both breakfast. Might be a good start to the day. Ain’t made those fancy pancakes of yers in a while, Buttercup. Ah’ll make sure they keep tryin’. Ah know that’s all Ah can do. But she’s got yer spirit, Buttercup. And your strength, Bright Mac.”

Granny looked down at the pictures of her son and his wonderful wife. Slowly, she closed the book and settled it back down onto the nightstand. 

With a bit of effort, she crawled into bed, leaned up against the headboard and shifted the covers. She peered out through the open window, like she did every night she was back home at Sweet Apple Acres. Out over the Everfree, the stars shone down on the world. It was a sight Granny always loved, ever since she’d been a filly back when they ain’t had nothin’ here but a heap of logs in the shape of a house. It was a pretty night, nice and clear. She let out a little sigh and wiped away a tear she’d missed. 

Granny Smith saw a lot of things. 

Most folk never really paid enough attention to this world around ‘em. Too busy with their hustle and their bustle. Never took the time to enjoy the little moments. See all those bits of the past all around ‘em. Like right now… she looked at the curtains on her window. Apple Rose had made ‘em fer her, way back when. Simple stuff, but it meant somethin'. Just like this here house. Just like this old quilt on her bed her Mama had made her. Just like that there book on the nightstand.

Granny looked out into the night from her spot on her bed, her bones tired, but her heart content. Then somethin’ movin’ caught her eye.

She smiled as she saw two shootin’ stars streak across the sky. That smile only grew, because a few seconds later, another pair of little comets came blazin’ behind the first. And when Granny looked real hard and squinted a bit, she was darn near sure one of ‘em had a bit of a rainbow shine to it.

Her eyes followed the second pair all the way to the horizon. They made it there together.