> Playing the Part
>  by 0_0
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Vinyl's Ultimatum
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vinyl was waiting. She was also annoyed. As a general rule, she didn’t like coming to the offices of Wave Records. The whole building was just too shiny, too smooth, too… boring. Their choice of music certainly didn’t help things either. Out of all the great artists they had the rights to, the slow, easy-listening “music” currently playing through the blank waiting room certainly wouldn’t have been Vinyl’s first choice. I mean, at least the sound of hooves on a chalkboard would keep her awake.

She tried tapping a rhythm on the floor in time with the music that was playing. Maybe it could be improved, if it was sped up a bit, some bass added. The beat in Vinyl’s head started to take shape. Maybe this song was workable after all. It just needed some tweaking here, a bass drop there…

Vinyl was snapped out of her thoughts suddenly by a loud cough from the receptionist, who was currently shooting her a death glare. Party pooper. She was just about to give her a piece of her mind when the door to Mr. Wave’s office opened and a voice called her in.

The office was certainly more interesting than the waiting room, Vinyl thought. The walls were a dark crimson color, and covered in framed records, posters of singers, and the occasional shelf with a single award on it. Papers littered the ground underneath Wave's desk, with a tall stack of folders in the corner that looked like it was doing a very poor job of keeping things organized. A worn guitar leaned against the tower precariously, and looked like it could send the whole thing crashing down with a gentle nudge. The only part of the room that was clean, it seemed, was the large desk in the center, which was completely clear except for a small, neat pile of papers and a large gold nameplate reading SOUND WAVE, CEO. A small chip in the corner revealed the gold had been painted onto a much more modest wooden plaque.

"Miss Scratch. Please, have a seat," said Sound Wave as he motioned to a chair on the other side of the large desk he was seated at.

"I told you, just call me Vinyl. How many times do I have to tell you that?" said Vinyl Scratch sharply, sitting down in the chair as requested.

"Well, Miss Scratch, I'm afraid that that attitude is precisely what we are here today to discuss." A faint smile crossed Wave's mouth as he poured himself a glass of something unidentifiable to Vinyl.

Vinyl glowered. "My attitude? Seriously? What, am I being too honest for you in these interviews you keep setting me up for? Not playing pretend for your precious little cameras?"

Wave's smile faded, then turned to a scowl. "Yes, Miss Scratch," he said, emphasising the word as if he loathed to even say it, "you seem to be demonstrating exactly the attitude I am referring to." He stood up from his chair and leaned across the desk. "You have demonstrated time and time again that you are unwilling to be cooperative towards Wave Records. You've badmouthed our company in public, called our board of directors 'a bunch of greedy money- loving scumbags', and seem to have a general lack of respect towards the people who pay for your ridiculous all-night party binges. A lack of respect which you take out on me." He leaned his face forward until it was almost pressed up against Vinyl's. "You, Miss Scratch, have made. This. Personal."

"Pssh, whatever," said Vinyl, leaning back in her chair disinterestedly. "What're you gonna do about it? Pull the plug on me? My records are the hottest thing in Equestria right now. I'm the one keeping those money-loving scumbags of yours happy, you wouldn't dare do anything to me."

Wave's smile returned in the form of a devilish smirk. "Oh, believe me, I can," he said, taking out a large manila folder stuffed to the brim with photos and papers of all sorts. "Those 'little cameras' don't just stop at the interviews, you know. They follow you wherever you go. And they've found some pretty interesting things over the years."

Vinyl's jaw dropped as Hooves opened to the first file in the folder: a list of locations, with a series of dates and times next to each.

"You- how- when did-"
Vinyl's eyes widened more and more as they scrolled down the page.

"Oh my Celestia, how could you possibly know about-"

"Little cameras, remember? I have every little secret of yours hidden away in this folder. And believe me, you've had some doozies over the years. Should I go on, or are you ready to be cooperative yet?"

"Okay, I'll say whatever you want! I'll stop trash talking the board of directors! I'll do whatever you want me to! Just please, whatever you do, please don't say a word about this to any pony!

Wave's smirk widened even farther.

"I'm so glad to hear that I've persuaded you to listen to reason, Miss Scratch. But I'm afraid I'll need some additional proof of your good intentions. After all, I'd hate for something to slip out at one of those parties of yours. No, I'm looking for something to show to me that you're truly ready to commit to being a cooperative, valuable, and obedient partner of our company."

"Fine, I'll do it! Just please don't tell anypony about this!"

"Oh, but I haven't told you yet what your gesture of goodwill is to be yet." He grinned as he slowly took a sip of his drink. "You are to enter into a committed, long-lasting relationship with a pony of my choosing, to represent your committed, long-lasting relationship with our company."

Vinyl's jaw dropped once again. "You WHAT?"

"Remember when I said you had made things personal, Miss Scratch? I want you to understand that I control every aspect of your life. Your social life, your career, even your love life. Everything."

"You just can't do this sort of thing! It just isn't right!" she said, getting up from her chair to look him in the eye. "You can't do that to somepony, forcing them into a pretend relationship just because you feel like it!"

"Well then, Miss Scratch, you had better hope that you can have more than a pretend relationship with the mare I've chosen for you. If I'm not convinced, then who knows what might happen to these pictures..."

Vinyl's face fell. She slowly sat back down, then quietly whispered, "I'll do it. I'll do anything you want me to."

"Excellent. I'm so glad we could come to an agreement. I'll introduce you to your new marefriend once I'm done making my selection. You are dismissed, Miss Scratch."

Vinyl slowly got up out of her chair and began walking towards the door.

"Oh, and Vinyl?"

She turned, barely hearing him.

"Smile for the cameras. Nopony's ever going to believe you if you look like that."
> Octavia Gets Involved
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Vinyl Scratch Gets Ultimatum: Shape Up, or Ship Out!

You’re in luck, Pinkie Pie! The old queen of wild parties has been dethroned! After years of some of the most wild and crazy parties in Equestria (many of which have been covered in this very column), it seems that Vinyl Scratch may have gone too far this time! After several juicy comments regarding the upper management of Wave Records (details in last wednesday’s column!), Sound Wave, Vinyl’s producer, has finally had enough and is trying to reign in Vinyl’s crazy antics.

“We’ve put up with a lot over the years, but this time she’s gone too far,” said Wave in an exclusive interview with the Canterlot Press. “I sat down with her and made it very clear that this company is built on family values, and her ridiculous antics fly in the face of everything we stand for here at Wave Records. Luckily, we’ve reached an agreement. She’s agreed to tone down her parties a bit, while I’ve agreed to give her some time to focus on her personal life a bit more. That way, it’s a win-win for both of us.”

When asked to elaborate on what he meant by “personal life,” Wave replied, “Well, her and I are very close, and it seems she’s been eying a cute mare for quite some time now. Who knows, maybe you’ll be hearing some love songs from her in a few months!” The Canterlot Press has confirmed that Wave did indeed wink knowingly after that sentence.

Well readers, it sounds like we’ve got some juicy gossip ahead of us! Who is this mystery mare that Vinyl Scratch is seeing? Will we have ourselves a celebrity couple on our hands, or will Vinyl be crushed when his crush doesn’t return her feelings? You’ll find out here first, on Equestria’s #1 gossip column! Signing off, xoxo, Flabby Gums (Any relation to the columnist “Gabby Gums” is purely coincidental. Implying that Flabby Gums and Gabby Gums are in any way related constitutes slander and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of our legal team.)

Tomorrow: Who keeps Celestia’s hair waving? Find out in this exclusive, tell-all interview from one of the Princess’s most well-kept secrets!







After Octavia opened the door to her penthouse suite in Canterlot, she grabbed a cider from the minibar, sat down at her chair by the window, and sighed. After years in the music business, it seemed like she’d done everything. She’d played in concerts, she’d sang, she’d made records, and there was even that time she made a dubstep collaboration piece. She shuddered, then quickly pushed the memory out of her mind.

Even with all her wealth and fame (“the soundtrack to life!” she remembered being called by one review), there was still something missing in her life. Everything just seemed so… empty.

“Hmm, empty. Just like this bottle of cider,” she thought. “I am way too sober to be sitting here staring out the window like this.”

Luckily her minibar was well-stocked, and she rose briefly to go get another bottle of cider. A brief hesitation later, and she was walking back to her spot at the window carrying three bottles, trying not to drop them as she awkwardly cradled them in her hooves.

“Stupid unicorns. Have it so easy,” she internally grumbled, plopping onto her spot with a thump and opening one of her bottles. She took a long swig, and then returned to staring out the window, alone with her thoughts.

“Well, they’re not all bad,” she thought, spying a blue unicorn on the street corner. He was a harpist for the Canterlot Orchestra, among other groups she had played with him in, and through their conversations after they performed together, it had become obvious to her that he wasn’t like most Canterlot ponies. He was a high-class pony, for sure, but he always had a certain amount of compassion that Octavia found rather sweet, unlike the usual uptight snobbiness that usually came out of Canterlot nobility.

He wasn’t afraid to try new things at their shows, but while he was wonderful at improvising, he always made sure the rest of the band could keep up. She had found that out one night after one of their concerts, when he began playing a tune backstage that he had played onstage earlier, but this time it seemed so much more complex. The intricate patterns of notes he created, seamlessly blending together into one simple melody, it made Octavia’s heart soar. She had been enraptured while he played, bringing her to the feelings of raw passion she felt for music when she first went into the business. It made her feel so alive, so wonderful, and she had wished she could listen to him play forever, the sounds surrounding her and—

Her thoughts were interrupted when she reached for another bottle of cider and found that all of them were empty. She sighed again, realizing it was going to be one of those nights. She really shouldn’t be drinking that much, she thought, but one more cider wouldn’t be the death of her. As she walked over to the minibar once again, she decided that another after that wouldn’t hurt either, and grabbed a second cider before returning to her chair. Another sigh and it was back to her thoughts again.

While she had admired Solo Heartstrings for quite some time now, she had never quite worked up the nerve to tell him. She’d dropped hints now and then, of course (voluntary and otherwise), but she wasn’t completely sure whether he felt the same way about her. She was… pretty sure. But it was that uncertainty that made her hesitate. And that hesitation meant he might be grabbed by somepony else, lost to her forever. She couldn’t stand for that to happen, but she knew it would eventually. She couldn’t lose him, not a stallion like that. Not someone that nice, and passionate, and handsome...

She mentally smacked herself, realizing she’d been staring at his flank again. True, nopony could see her though her one-way windows (specially installed to keep paparazzi away), but it was still bad manners. Although it would be nice to have a suite on a lower floor, so that she could have a better look now and then…

Another mental smack and a shake of the head later, Octavia sighed once again. Maybe she would ask him later, but for now, she was tired. She gathered up her empty bottles, threw them into her pile for room service to take care of, and headed off to bed. Unfortunately, her thoughts of sweet, sweet rest were interrupted by a very loud, very rapid series of knocks on her door.

“I am way too drunk to be talking to fans right now,” she thought, shaking her head and making her way to the door. She was pulled out of her half-awake state, however, when she opened her door to see a very excited looking Sound Wave before he rushed inside.

“I- Mr. Wave, hello! I wasn’t expecting you!” she stuttered, trying to appear as sober as possible. “What brings you here, at this hou-” She glanced at the clock. It was barely 2:00. She could’ve sworn it was later. “Er, I mean, so suddenly?”

“Well, Ms. Melody, today is your lucky day!” said Wave, beaming at her. He looked like he was about to burst from excitement, and his enthusiasm seemed to fill the whole room and make it a few shades brighter. Octavia grimaced. “Now, you know how I like to take care of my employees, and I can tell you’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately, maybe a little down.” Octavia just rolled her eyes as he glanced at the pile of cider bottles in the corner. “So, I’ve made some arrangements and set up a date with somepony I can tell you’ve had your eyes on for quite some time.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. How did he know? Had some of her lingering been noticed by the press? These questions, however, were shoved to the side as an overwhelming sense of happiness began to bubble up inside her.

“Mr. Wave, I don’t know what to say,” she stammered. “This is the kindest, most generous thing anypony has done for me in my entire life! I’m so excited, oh goodness, what am I going to wear, what am I going to say?” Tears began to slowly form in her eyes as she grabbed Wave and hugged him as hard as she could. “I just didn’t know how to approach him, and I thought I’d never work up the nerve, but you’ve done all that for me, and he said yes! Thank you, thank you so much! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you, Mr. Wave!”

“Him?” asked Wave, a puzzled look on his face. “I’m talking about a mare, Vinyl Scratch. You know, the one you worked with on that dubstep collaboration. Ever since I saw you two together, I knew you’d be the perfect couple.”

There was a profound silence as Octavia slowly released Wave from her grasp.

“What.”

“Well, I know you’ve been looking for that special somepony. I can tell from your eyes when you perform, they have a sort of far-off look, like there’s a part of you you’re still searching for. But it seems your search is over, since Vinyl is such a perfect match for you! It’s like you two were made for each other, really.”

There was another long silence as the gears in Octavia’s head tried to work through the alcohol to process what had just been said.

“Pardon?”

“I’ve gotten you reservations for 4:00 at the Tasty Treat tomorrow. Those were not easy to get, so I expect you to show up on time for your date.”

“With… A mare?” said Octavia slowly. Was there something she wasn’t getting? She was way too drunk to understand what was going on.

“Of course! The two perfect mares for each other!”

A mental slap later, and Octavia’s brain shuddered to life and began to function somewhat normally. “No,” she thought, “I’m pretty sure this isn’t a dream. If I were dreaming, there would be spiders. A lot more spiders.” As she finally began to piece together what was happening, there was one thing she still couldn’t understand.

“Why… why would I ever do any of this?”

Wave’s face instantly transformed from one of bubbly excitement to harsh seriousness. “Because, Ms. Melody,” he said, “I have decided that you two will be together, and therefore you will be together. Don’t forget, I got you where you are today, and I can take it all away if I so desired. Besides…” He slowly pulled a small, gray notecard from his pocket and handed it to her. “I know things that you don’t want anypony knowing.”

Octavia’s face paled as she read the sentence written on the notecard. This… How could he possibly know about this? She had never told anypony, and there was nopony around when it happened. There was no possible way, and yet there it was. That single sentence that told her everything. A scowl started to form on her face as she reread the line over and over again.

“Buck you,” she spat at him, the words vicious and biting.

“I’m sorry, what was that? I couldn’t quite hear you,” said Wave, smirking.

Octavia opened her mouth, then slowly closed it again. Her face fell, the anger in it slowly draining to be replaced by a look of complete and utter defeat as she turned away from him. She sighed.

“Nothing.”

“Good. That’s what I thought. Remember, 4:00 at the Tasty Treat tomorrow. Don’t be late.” He turned and began walking out the door, then paused. Turning back, he cheerfully added, “After all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint your hot date!”

After Wave closed the door behind him, Octavia sat and stared at the notecard for a few minutes longer. “The best way to get rid of it would be to burn it,” she thought to herself. Unfortunately, she didn’t have anything to burn it with on hoof. As she stared at the card, the anger inside of her slowly grew to a boil. Suddenly she lashed out, screaming and ripping the card to shreds with her teeth. She crumpled it into a tiny ball, then stomped on it, then scattered the pieces around her, all the while screaming at the top of her lungs. Finally she collapsed onto the ground, exhausted. When she finally gathered enough energy to stand again, one thing became very, very clear to her.

“I am way too sober to be dealing with this,” she muttered, dragging herself to the minibar and sitting down in front of it. It was definitely going to be one of those nights.
> Back Home
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Octavia awoke the next morning to a steady “thump, thump, thump” of pain in her forehead. She groaned, making an attempt to stagger to her hooves before collapsing onto the ground again, scattering bottles across the floor. “Whatever happened last night must’ve been a real doozy…” she thought. “I can’t even remember the last time I got that smashed.” She chuckled to herself. “Not that I would have remembered, of course.”

She slowly tried to open her eyes, then instantly regretted it as an intense wave of light bombarded her. “Gah!” she screamed, closing them again. She wobbled onto her hooves, grasping at the countertop to try to stay upright.

“All right, first order of business: I’d like to be able to see. Seeing is nice,” she muttered, taking a few tentative steps toward the direction she was pretty sure her bedroom was in. She kicked a few bottles as she did so, hissing in pain. Taking a hoof off the counter, she groped around in front of her, moving as many bottles out of the way as possible. Satisfied the path was somewhat clear now, she placed her other front hoof on the ground, then shakily took a step forward. “Well, I haven’t fallen over yet. Looks like I’m getting better.”

She blindly felt around in front of her, feeling around for the doorway that led into her room. “It was over here, wasn’t it?” she thought as she slowly crept down the hall, her right hoof never leaving the wall. Finally, she felt the wall end in a corner. “Aha! The doorway!” Stumbling over and collapsing onto her bed, she blindly felt around for her bedside table. After a few minutes of groping around, she finally found the sunglasses and earplugs she kept there. “Yes! Victory!” she whispered, putting them on and finally opening her eyes. She flinched at the bright light streaming in from the window, but at least it was bearable now.

“All right, do I have anything I need to do today? Because otherwise I’m just going to go back to bed,” she whispered aloud. Her brain slowly warmed up and began running through all her possible appointments. “It’s not a Wednesday, is it? I’m pretty sure it isn’t. I already met with Fancy Pants, and I already sent my new song in to—” Her brain froze. The name “Sound Wave” brought all her memories of the night before crashing back down, tearing through a few synapses along the way.

A date. He had set her up on a date, and threatened her if she didn’t go. And not just any date, either. It was a date with another mare, the one from that terrible dubstep piece. At least, she was pretty sure that’s who it was. It was a few years ago, after all, and she’d tried to suppress the memories of it since then. “Should I even bother going?” she thought briefly, before the memory of the notecard flashed in front of her, snapping her awake. “I guess I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

She sighed and began running through how to approach this “date”. The tabloids would be all over this, so she couldn’t look like she wasn’t taking things seriously. She decided her signature bow tie would be formal enough. She tied it loosely around her neck, briefly glancing in the mirror to make sure it was presentable. It was a bit sloppy, but no one would be able to tell from a distance. “Good enough for the cameras, good enough for me,” she concluded.

Was Vinyl in on this whole scheme? From their brief time working together, Octavia had found her to be… Unpredictable, to say the least. It certainly hadn’t been a good first impression. Vinyl’s first words when she walked into the studio had been, “Who here is ready to party?!” followed by her knocking over Octavia’s glass. The sudden rudeness of it had startled Octavia, causing her to drop her bow, which was accidentally stepped on when Vinyl careened into the booth next to her. Specifically, her bow worth 5,000 bits that had been carefully oiled a few moments prior. Vinyl still had yet to really apologize for that.

So this was the pony she had to pretend to be interested in. She mentally groaned and glanced at the clock. “Well, at least I have some time to sleep before I have to start this ridiculous facade.” She set her alarm for 3:30 and flopped into bed, her bow tie coming undone in the process. “I am so not looking forward to doing this sober.”





“That no-good, dirty, rotten, bottom feeding scumbag!” screamed Vinyl, throwing her pillow across the room. Several more insults were screamed as she pounded her head against the wall, most of which would have been far too excessive to repeat if a teen-rated story were written about her. After a few minutes she gave her head a rest and stopped, a small bruise forming on her forehead. She panted heavily, gritting her teeth. “That son of a bitch is lucky he’s got dirt on me, otherwise I’d be beating him into a pulp right now. You know what, screw it. I don’t care what gets out, I’m not doing it!” Another pillow flew across the room, and Vinyl stood there panting and staring at it.

As the adrenaline from her outburst began to slowly drain from her, she took a look around her room. Pillows lay scattered everywhere, and her fan letters, usually neat and organized, were strewn about the room, as if a tornado had blown through. Luckily, the framed letters she kept on her wall had escaped her fury relatively unscathed. She straightened any that had been accidentally bumped, then turned around to begin picking up loose debris.

“Oh, I know what will make me feel better,” she thought, picking up a pink envelope with her address scribbled onto the front in crayon. She opened it, smiling as she pulled out a letter and a slightly smooshed flower. “It’s the thought that counts,” she chuckled to herself, putting the flower on her desk and beginning to decipher the messy handwriting of the letter.

“Dear Vinyl Scratch,

im such a big fan of your music and i buy ever one the minute they come out and i can buy them! i love all of your songs and i have all of them in my collection even the ones that i dont like as much because i still love them!”

Vinyl smiled and felt her whole body relax a little. She glanced at the flower on her desk happily. “I need to find a vase for that,” she thought before turning back to the letter to continue reading. However, her body bristled as she read the next words.

“i hope yu have a fun time with your special somepony and that they give you lots of hugs and kissis because yu luv each other so much!!!

Yor #1 fan, Spring Step”

“This, this is just too far,” she thought, clenching her teeth so hard they felt like they could fly out of her mouth at any moment, “the one place I had left, and now it’s just a reminder of what a terrible pony he is. The first chance I get, he’s so dead! I’m gonna kill that slimy bastard!” Several more increasingly violent thoughts were had by Vinyl, but her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the sound of ripping paper, and realized that the letter she had been holding was torn in half. After her initial shock, tears began to dot the page, and she frantically dug through her drawer for the tape she kept in it. She abandoned her search when her vision became too filled with tears to see, and fell onto the ground, sobbing. She threw the two halves of the letter at her bed when she realized they would soon be soaked, and began to bawl into her hooves instead.

“Why? Why did I have to get myself into this mess in the first place?” she choked out as she cried. “I didn’t think that money-loving scumbag thing was bad enough for this, was it? Does he just hate me or something? Why would he do this to me!” Any further words were lost as another wave of sobs hit her, turning her words into an incoherent mess.





Vinyl woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside her window, through which a ray of light was streaming in. She groaned, pulling herself off the floor to her hooves. There was a wet patch where she had been lying, and her eyes stung. Her back hurt from the uncomfortable position she had fallen asleep in, and she stretched a bit to try to work some of the kinks out. She glanced at the alarm clock by her bed. It was almost 3:00. “Guh,” she thought, “almost the time when Wave told me to be at the Tasty Treat. Guess I’ve got an hour until my career’s over.”

She glanced around the room, then noticed her purple goggles by her bed. Normally she only wore them while she was performing, but they’d also be an excellent way of covering her eyes, which she guessed were probably bloodshot from last night. As she put them on, however, she noticed the letter she had ripped in half last night, tear stains blotting it and making it even harder to read than the poor hoofwriting and spelling had already made it. She got out the tape from her desk and began to put it back together again. As she reread the last line though, she sighed.

“I can’t let that filly down,” she thought. “She’s probably not the only one that expects me to have a fun, happy romance. They’d all be devastated if they found out that none of it was real…” Having finished taping the letter back together, she set it down on her desk and stared at it. “I can’t let them down…” She glanced at the clock again. 3:15. There was still time to get there.

“Smile for the cameras…” she thought, putting her goggles on and heading out the door.
> First Date
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Vinyl arrived at the Tasty Treat, it was painfully clear to her that she had been expected. Though everypony in the restaurant was trying to act like nothing unusual was going on, there was a constant feeling that all eyes were on her as she walked in and sat down. Glancing under the table, she found a small device emitting a faint red light.

“Yeahhh, that’s not gonna happen,” she said, casually crushing it with her hoof. The stallion at the table next to her visibly flinched, then suddenly became very interested in his menu. Vinyl rolled her eyes and began looking over her own menu. As if on cue, a waitress, barely containing her excitement, trotted past all the other tables to her.

“Oh my goodness, you’re Vinyl Scratch!” said the mare, practically dancing on her hooves. “I can’t believe you’re here, in my restaurant, and I’m serving you! This is amazing!”

“Heh, that’s right. You know, you’re in luck. I just happen to have my autograph pen with me right now…” said Vinyl, a wry smile forming on her lips. The waitress’s eyes bulged.

“Y-you mean it? You would sign someth—hold on, I have to go get something!” she said, bolting into the back of the restaurant.

Vinyl leaned back in her chair and chuckled. “Heh. That’s why I never leave home without it.”

Just as quickly as she left, the waitress arrived back, panting heavily and carrying a well-worn record sleeve. “Here… Got this… for you… to sign…”

Vinyl couldn’t help but be impressed as she read the faded title. “Wow…” she thought. “They stopped making these ages ago. Even I gave away my last copy years ago.”

“It’s my favorite one,” said the waitress proudly. “I remember first hearing it as a kid and thinking ‘Wow, I wish I could do that.’ It’s what made me start listening to your music, and I even went back and bought all the other albums so I could hear what I’d been missing out on!” Vinyl’s eyes brightened behind her goggles as she signed the sleeve with a practiced motion. “But lately I’ve been saving up so I can go to one of your concerts and see you in person, but here you are, in my restaurant! I’m still going to the concert obviously, because the music is important too, but I’m still so happy that I’m finally—”

Her gushing was interrupted by a loud gurgle from Vinyl’s stomach. Her face reddened and she looked down sheepishly.

“Oh, right. You’re probably hungry, and I’ve just been talking so much that I forgot to serve you. Vinyl Scratch. Because I’m serving Vinyl Scratch right now, since that’s my job, serving ponies food. Ponies like Vinyl Scratch, who I’m serving right now. Heh, um, what would you like to eat?”

Vinyl’s smile widened slightly. “I’ll just take some appetizers for now, thanks.”

The waitress cocked her head in confusion. “Um, which one would you like though? We have three different appetizers; the naan, the—” Another loud rumble from Vinyl’s stomach interrupted her.

“All of them.”

“Oh, um, right. I’ll be out with that right away!” said the waitress, quickly grabbing her record sleeve and disappearing into the kitchen.

Vinyl smiled and leaned back some more in her chair, putting her hooves behind her head and sighing happily. Her good mood came crashing down, however, when she saw the bright flash of a camera, and was reminded why she was here in the first place. “Oh, right. I have to do this stupid date thing,” she grumbled, sinking back into her chair.

She sipped her water, adjusted her goggles, and glanced at the clock. “They’re already 5 minutes late. Maybe he won’t show,” she thought. “I wonder how long I should wait before I leave. 15 minutes? Can I leave after 15 minutes?” Her thoughts were interrupted, however, when a gray mare sat down in the chair opposite to her.

“Sorry, you’re going to have to sit somewhere else,” said Vinyl, glancing upwards and trying desperately to hide the annoyance in her voice. “This spot is taken for, ugh, my date.”

“You are Vinyl Scratch, are you not? I’m afraid that I am your date for tonight,” said Octavia, adjusting her bow tie and taking a seat across from Vinyl.

“WHAT?!” yelled Vinyl, her jaw dropping. Immediately, three ponies that had previously been casually eating pulled out cameras and began to take pictures. “I-I mean, um,” said Vinyl, quickly correcting herself, “I’m just surprised you’re dressed so, um, fancy?”

Octavia looked down at her bow tie, drooping to the side and barely hanging onto her neck, then back at Vinyl. “Right, well. Thank you, I suppose.”

“I uh, sorry, I just…” said Vinyl, glancing around and lowering her voice. “I just wasn’t expecting, well, a mare.”

Octavia let out a short scoff. “Yes, that was a bit of a surprise to me as well. I’d rather keep this as… professional as possible. No offence, but you aren’t really my thing.”

“N-no, I totally get it. I’m not really excited to have to do this either,” stammered Vinyl.

A long pause sat between them for an uncomfortably long time. Both of them glanced at the completely non-suspicious ponies sitting at the tables around them. Octavia nervously fiddled with her bow tie. Vinyl coughed.

“Soooo, uh, I hear you’re in the Canterlot Orchestra. That must be cool,” said Vinyl, trying to break the silence.

“Yes, that’s right.”

Another uncomfortable pause. Vinyl began nervously glancing around her, while Octavia opened her menu and began leafing through it, trying and failing to make it seem like a casual motion. Luckily the silence was soon interrupted by the return of the waitress, who was carrying a tray of appetizers. The portions were clearly much bigger than was shown on the menus.

“I’m back with your appetizers!” she chirped, setting down the tray. “Also I just want to thank you again for signing my album, it just means so much to me and I’m so happy that I’m serving you right now it’s so exciting!”

“Hey, anything for my fans,” said Vinyl, lowering her goggles and giving a sly wink. The waitress was somehow filled with even more excitement as she began giggling and dancing on her hooves like a filly.

“Ahem,” coughed Octavia, bringing the waitress back to reality. “I have a question about the menu, once you’re done prancing about.”

“O-oh, I’m so sorry, ma’am. I guess got a little carried away there.”

“Perhaps a little,” replied Octavia, gently rolling her eyes. “These little pepper symbols next to all the dishes, what do they mean?”

“Oh, that’s to show how spicy they are. One pepper means it’s medium hot, and five peppers means it’s ultra-insanely hot.”

“Oh… Well, you wouldn’t happen to have anything that isn’t spicy at all?” asked Octavia, gradually becoming more and more worried as her eyes scanned the menu trying to find anything without the red symbol.

“I’m afraid not. Our restaurant prides itself on having the spiciest food in town, and so we don’t have many options for people who didn’t come here for it. The only thing thing we have that isn’t spicy is the naan bread, but that isn’t exactly a meal.”

Octavia began to sweat and nervously fiddled with her tie. “Erm… Well, I suppose I’ll just have that then, thank you.”

“Well, I suppose we could just bring out another order of bread,” said the waitress, giving her a look before eagerly turning to Vinyl. “And are you ready to order yet, Vinyl Scratch?”

“Yeah, I’ll just have whatever you’d recommend,” said Vinyl. “Surprise me, y’know?”

“Ooo, I know just the thing!” squeed the waitress, before scooping up their menus and disappearing into the kitchen once again.

There was another silence after the waitress left, this time broken by Octavia.

“Do they alway treat you like that?” she asked, politely taking a piece of bread and placing it on her plate.

“Treat me like what?” said Vinyl, wolfing down her piece and reaching for another.

“Like some sort of… Idol. Surely you noticed how that waitress was worshipping you.”

“Oh yeah, that,” replied Vinyl, grinning and gulping down another bite. “Yeah, it’s pretty great. I get fans coming up to me all the time, asking for autographs and pictures. Why, don’t you have fans too?”

“Well yes, of course I do,” said Octavia, straightening in her chair. “I just don’t get quite that… Level of enthusiasm. Most of the people that listen to my music are nobleponies, and they tend to be much more contained. I do get quite a few paparazzi, but they aren’t exactly fans in the traditional sense.” She took a bite of the bread. Not bad.

“Oh man, you’re missing out. Every time I meet with a fan of my music, it’s like I’m already best friends with them, even though we’re meeting for the first time. It’s an awesome feeling.”

Octavia let out a small scoff. “I’ve never found talking to fans to be all that enjoyable. Letting random strangers into my personal life like that seems rather frightening.” She looked down and sighed. “Which is why this whole dating business has been especially unpleasant. I've never been too public with my personal life before, and now here I am, having it forced into the spotlight, at least if all the paparazzi around here are any indication."

Vinyl's face fell along with her. "Yeah, this dating thing sucks. Sound Wave sucks. Everything about this sucks.”

A small smile crossed Octavia’s lips. “Quite. I may have worded it a bit differently, but you’ve hit the nail on the head. Everything about this sucks.”





As the night went on and their food was brought out, their conversation gradually picked up. At one point there was a heated debate over whether a “wub” counted as an instrument, but other than that there was nothing that any idle photographer could perceive as an argument. However, there was a certain distance to the exchange, as if the two were talking merely to extend the conversation, rather than learn more about each other. Eventually, once all the food was gone and the waitress had insisted that dinner was on the house, Vinyl decided to ask the question Octavia had been waiting for.

“So, do you think they’ll buy it?” she said in a conspiratorial whisper.

“Well, we have been here for quite some time. I just worry that if someone’s been listening in, they might get the wrong impression. Or I suppose the right impression, just not the one we’re hoping for.”

“If you’re worried about bugs, don’t worry. I took care of it before you came in,” replied Vinyl.

Octavia’s eyes widened slightly. “We were bugged? I knew he was crazy, but I didn’t think he’d go quite that far.”

“I kind of figured he’d try something like it. Like I said though, I took care of it. If he has a problem with it, then too bad. I’m not letting some creep listen in on me so they can print it in tomorrow’s paper. This is bad enough already.”

“Well, I’m glad you found it. I’m not very fond of prying eyes and ears.”

A short silence between them.

“I think I’ll be leaving now. While I will admit that tonight wasn’t quite as bad as I’d feared, I do hope we can keep this whole business on a professional level. No offence, of course,” said Octavia, getting up from her chair.

“Yeah, none taken. I just wanna do the bare minimum I have to to keep things believable.”

“Good. And as soon as possible, we’re ending this ridiculous charade.”

“Agreed,” said Vinyl, holding out a hoof. Octavia just stared at it in confusion.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s a hoofbump. Y’know, see you later? C’mon, it’ll look great for the cameras.” She gestured to the half-dozen ponies that were now trying to inconspicuously point their cameras at the pair.

“Oh… Um, right,” said Octavia, slowly bringing her hoof up to meet Vinyl’s. Several camera flashes came from nearby tables. “Well, if that’s over, I’ll just be going then.”

“Yeah. See ya later, I guess,” replied Vinyl.

As Octavia made her way out the door and began to walk back to her penthouse, one thought stood out in her mind above all the others.

“I’m gonna need a loooooot of cider to get through tonight,” she muttered to herself.
> Plans Within Plans
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Vinyl Scratch’s Mystery Crush: Revealed!

As regular readers will remember, last week this very column uncovered the juicy scoop that Vinyl Scratch was taking some time off to be with a certain mystery mare as part of a deal with her producer, Sound Wave. The tantalizing bit of that story that had everypony talking? The identity of that mare, of course! Well, dear readers, Gabby Gums has the answers you’ve been looking for!

Our on-the-ground investigative team worked long and hard to find out the identity of this mysterious pony, and their hard work paid off. Yesterday Vinyl was spotted at a hot-and-trendy restaurant chatting it up with none other than Octavia Melody, one of the members of the prestigious Canterlot Orchestra! As you can see from the picture below, she was feeling cool, calm, and collected, exuding the kind of confidence that simply screams Vinyl Scratch. Who knew that classical was Vinyl’s style?

Certainly not Vinyl herself, if our interview with her is any indication! When our reporters caught up to her after an exciting high-speed chase through the streets of Canterlot, the party queen herself had this to say:

“The whole thing really came out of nowhere and didn’t give me much time to react, a lot like your cart a few minutes ago,” she said, her eyes noticeably darting around the alleyway she had finally been cornered in, “I just figured, you know, I should give it a shot and see what happens.” Give it a shot? See what happens? Sounds like she still isn’t too sure if her sweetheart feels the same way! Well, we here at the Flabby Gums Column aren’t content with not knowing, and luckily we were able to catch Octavia as she was fleeing the scene for an exclusive interview!

“Vinyl is… different,” said Octavia, taking a swig from a bottle she had been hiding in her dress (we hope that’s apple juice, Octy!) “Her personality is… interesting. I can definitely say that I’ve never met anypony quite like her. And that I will most likely be talking to her again in the future.” Oh my, are those wedding bells I hear? It sounds like your crush has a thing for you too, Vinyl! “I’m sure you are aware that we’ve worked together in the past, and she was generally exactly how I remembered her.” Hear that, Vinyl? Octavia remembered you after all these years! Sounds like true love to me!

Well, readers, we’ll just have to see what happens to these two lovebirds. Will this fairy tale couple have a happy ending? Or was their pairing never meant to be? You’ll hear about it here first, on Equestria’s #1 gossip column! Signing off, xoxo, Flabby Gums. (Those who continue to pursue the false notion that this column is in any way related to the similarly titled “Gabby Gums” column should note the fact that Flabby Gums has made a deal with the original authors of Gabby Gums giving up all legal rights, meaning that even if Flabby Gums were in any way related to the aforementioned Gabby Gums column (which it is not, and any suggestions that it is constitute slander), Flabby Gums now has full rights to the original column, which it legally purchased for 10 bits and a box of cookies, and thus cannot be sued over such matters.)

Tomorrow: Does Princess Luna have a naughty side? Our reporters go undercover to get to the bottom of rumors that the Night Princess herself sometimes wears underwear!







Vinyl was waiting. She was also very, very annoyed and very, very bored. The Wave Records offices were always an unpleasant place to have to visit, and this time was no exception. Not helping either of those facts was the gray mare across from her, who seemed to be conducting the painfully slow music drifting through the speakers with her head back and eyes closed.

“So… You uh, really like that music, huh?” she offered after some time. Octavia gave no indication she heard her, staying on the beat perfectly as she hummed to herself. Vinyl raised an eyebrow.

“I said, you really like that music, huh?” she repeated, raising her voice. Still no response as Octavia began to give signals to the invisible sections playing the piece, using one hoof to cue in the woodwinds as they faded in while keeping perfect time with the other.

“You know, for somepony who likes music so much, you sure seem pretty deaf.”

“Braythoven was deaf, you know,” she answered, making Vinyl jump, “and he was still able to write this piece.” Her eyes still closed, Octavia’s hooves sped up perfectly in time as the music slowly began to build into its finale.

“Yeah, I can tell. Only a deaf pony would think this is good,” said Vinyl, rolling her eyes. “Seriously, how did ponies used to like this? This sounds like a real song that got stabbed and is slowly bleeding out in an alleyway. It’s like a song that they wrote to sing sloths to sleep. It’s like the rock and roll they’d play in a town where dancing is illegal.”

“You’re speaking of one of the greatest composers of all time,” said Octavia, opening her eyes to glare at Vinyl. “You ought to have more respect for a pony that revolutionized the field of music to such an enormous extent. His pieces still influence the way we write to this very day.”

“Yeah, sure. Maybe you write like him, but those of us in this century know what real music sounds like.” Vinyl smirked. “You know, those of us who can actually hear it.”

Octavia’s hooves were still as the violins held their final note.

“The problem was not that I was unable to hear you, it was that what you were saying was not worth listening to,” she said, her last word emphasized by her hooves cutting off precisely as the final note of the song ended.

“I’m not worth listening to? Do you realize how many albums I’ve sold in the past year alone? How many fans I have? I have more ponies visit my concerts than you could get in a lifetime,” Vinyl said, annoyance beginning to seep into her voice.

“Yes, and I’m sure they are all brainless children who would buy whatever garbage you manage to spew out no matter how bad it is,” replied Octavia, a slight smile creeping onto her face as she closed her eyes and began conducting the next piece, its intro beginning to waft through the speakers.

“At least my only fans aren’t rich snobs who only watch my concerts because they think it’ll make them look cultured!” seethed Vinyl, practically shouting at this point, “Hey Octavia, how many of your fans’ll be alive in the next ten years, huh? What, you think just because you play in the Canterlot Orchestra, you can tell everypony what music is?” She stood up and walked over to Octavia, her cheeks now turning bright red. “You think just because you work four hours a day, you’re better than all of us that have to actually work to make it in the music industry? IS YOUR HEAD STUCK SO FAR UP YOUR FLANK THAT YOU—”

“HEY, SHUT YOUR DAMN TRAPS, LADIES!” yelled the receptionist, looking up from her magazine. “Mr. Wave is meeting a very important client right now, and if you two don’t shut it, I will personally drag you up to the roof and throw you off!”

Nothing but the gentle sounds of Braythoven were heard for the next few seconds.

“There, much better. Now if you’ll excuse me, some of us have work to do,” she said. Her head disappeared behind her magazine once again, “101 Weight Loss Tips with Princess Celestia!” emblazoned across the cover.

Vinyl shuffled back to her seat, glowering at Octavia as she did so, then becoming more annoyed when she noticed Octavia’s eyes were still closed and couldn’t see her. Octavia’s hooves were still in time with the music as she conducted.

Several minutes passed before Octavia finally broke the silence between them.

“I hope you realize that my work does not end at my performances. I clawed my way to the top just the same as you, and as such I am no stranger to hard work.”

Vinyl’s face softened slightly.

“Yeah, sure you did. I’m sure being set for life as one of the Canterlot elites takes some real hard work. After all, you have to hang around other stuck-up, snobby ponies like you all day.” A slight chuckle escaped her lips. “Maybe that’s why there’s so many rumors about how drunk you get after concerts.”

Octavia’s hooves missed a beat as she flinched, then immediately recovered.

“While I may have a drink or two to celebrate a successful performance, that in no way makes me a drunkard. Besides, I’m sure you do far worse than alcohol at those ridiculous parties of yours.”

“Mr. Wave will see you now,” said the receptionist, interrupting any retort Vinyl was planning. Both ponies stood up and lowly trudged to the door as a brown stallion exited the office, adjusting his tie as he did so. The two filed in as the receptionist disinterestedly closed the door behind them.

“Ah, Miss Melody! Miss Scratch! Just the ponies I wanted to see. Please, have a seat!” Sound Wave beamed as the two sat down in the identical chairs he had set out for them. “Would either of you like something to drink?”

“No thank you,” replied Octavia, and Wave put away one of the two glasses he had gotten out, filling the other from the strange bottle he kept on his desk. Both Octavia and Vinyl waited as he took a small sip, then placed the bottle into one of his desk drawers.

“Now, I realize I didn’t do a perfect job explaining my intentions the last time I met with you two,” he said, placing his hooves together on the desk. “You see, there is a reason I want you two to act your best to love each other out there. All I want is for you two to understand what it means to be a part of the Wave Records family, and I chose you two because you can each teach each other a little something about that.”

Vinyl and Octavia looked at each other, then simultaneously rolled their eyes.

“Oh, don’t give me that look. Allow me to explain. Vinyl, you’ve always been a wild party girl at heart, and that’s great. People like that. But you need to learn a bit more about when to be humble, and show respect to authority. That’s why I chose Octavia to teach you those things.”

Vinyl and Octavia looked like they were about to say something, but were cut off as Sound Wave continued.

“Now Octavia, you’ve always played well, but you know what you’ve never done? Engaged with your fans! Ponies would be a lot more interested in your work if you talked to them about it, you know. That’s why I chose Vinyl to teach you how to really connect with your listeners and be more open with them. I apologize for doing so in such a forceful manner, but I think you can see now that my actions were for the best.”

The room was quiet as Wave sat smiling at the two, clearly waiting for one of them to thank him. Vinyl and Octavia merely stared back at him in bewilderment. Finally, Octavia broke the silence.

“Er, excuse me, but if you wanted us to be mentors to each other, could you not have done so in a more professional manner? Perhaps a weekly meeting of some sort instead of forcing us to date each other?”

Wave chuckled at the foolishness of her question. “Don’t be ridiculous, Miss Melody. A weekly meeting wouldn’t be nearly as fast or as effective as what I’ve done for you. After all, in this industry I expect results, and fast! Arranging you to be partners means that you’ll balance each other out as part of the relationship. After all, when your marefriend tells you to do something, you listen! If I told you to fix a problem in your careers, you might not do so as immediately as is necessary.”

“Besides,” he continued, “this is a company with family values to uphold. Especially you, Vinyl. I’ll be frank: your image needs work. Nopony takes you seriously now, but if you started dating a member of the Canterlot Orchestra? Why, just imagine the difference it would make! Everypony would line up to see the two of you perform together as a couple, and you’d be the talk of the town. I’ve gotten you two on every gossip column in town, and if we keep this going, you can stay there!”

Once again, Octavia was the first to speak up.

“I beg your pardon? I despise being on those horrible columns, I’ve told you that before. Why would I want to keep the paparazzi happy, of all ponies?”

Sound Wave sighed. “Because quite simply, if we don’t keep them happy, we sell less records. And if we sell less records, that means I can’t pay you as much as you deserve. Look Octavia, I get it. Dealing with the paparazzi can be a little stressful at times, but they do so much for the company and for you. After all, you’re both part of the Wave Records family, and that means that I only want the best for you. You’re both like daughters to me, and that’s why I want only the best for you.”

“Do you normally force your daughters to date each other?” replied Vinyl.

“Don’t be silly, it’s a figure of speech. Don’t look too much into it. I just mean that all I want for you is for you to learn and grow as ponies, to see things in a way you wouldn’t be able to see them otherwise. Here, allow me to demonstrate.” He walked over to the corner and picked up his guitar. “Trust me, this will all make sense soon.”

He began to slowly play a simple melody. It was a sad little tune, one that might have evoked sadness and loss had it been played by someone more competent. After finishing, he replaced his guitar to its spot and looked at the two of them expectantly.

“Well? What did you think?”

Vinyl and Octavia shared a glance. Eventually, Octavia cleared her throat.

“Erm, it had a nice sound, with a nice use of largo to evoke a feeling of despair and hopelessness? I’m not quite sure what you want me to say.”

“No no, that’s perfect!” replied Wave. “Now Vinyl, what did you think of that piece?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes, of course! I want nothing but your honest opinion!” Octavia nervously shifted in her seat.

“It was super depressing, I didn’t like it. Also, you kind of need to practice.”

Wave said nothing for a few seconds, and Vinyl began to worry. Should she have just lied like Octavia? She was lying, right? There was no way she seriously thought it was good just because for being slow. Would it have been a good idea to just make something up? Even if-

“Bwaaahahaha!”

Vinyl’s thoughts were interrupted by a hearty laugh from Sound Wave.

“See? This is exactly what I was talking about! Each of you has something to teach the other, that’s why you compliment each other so perfectly! Octavia, you could really learn something from Vinyl’s honesty and openness. And Vinyl, you could learn something from Octavia’s dignity and respect for authority. You see? Yin and yang, opposites attract and all that. I’m sure you’ll come around to appreciate one another as time goes on, as you realize how much better off you truly are together. I see it, the public sees it, and eventually you’ll see it too.”

“Yeahhhhh, I’m with Octavia on this one,” said Vinyl after a pause. “You couldn’t have set up a workshop or something, weekly meetings? Literally anything other than forcing us to pretend to date each other?”

“Oh no no no, that wouldn’t have worked at all! Besides, you two make the most perfect couple together, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get you to see that you’re perfect for one another. Trust me, you’ll thank me at the wedding,” he said, winking.

Both Octavia and Vinyl’s eyes bulged.

“I’m sorry, a wedding? Are you forcing us to get married?” sputtered Octavia. “Mr. Wave, a reputation is worth a lot, but it isn’t worth this! You can do whatever you like, but that is a line I simply will not cross!”

“Yeah, I’m not getting married to her, you creep! There is no way in Tartarus that I’m getting married to some stuck-up noblepony just because you feel like it! The deal’s off, Sound Wave!”

“Woah now, hold your horses you two, if you’ll pardon the expression. I was just suggesting that it might be a possibility when you two learn to like each other a little more, when you grow to appreciate each other’s company. Really now, you need to stop taking things so literally.”

Vinyl uneasily sat back down. Octavia slowly relaxed.

“So… What do you want us to do then? I’m assuming you want us to go on another, um, date?” asked Octavia, cringing.

“Not this week, I’m afraid. Even though your last one went so very well, I’d like the two of you to get to know each other a bit more before your next one.”

“Wait, really?” said Vinyl, perking up.

“Hold on, isn’t that usually the entire point of going on a date in the first place?” asked Octavia.

“Normally, yes,” replied Sound Wave, “but you’re celebrities! There are some things that just can’t be discussed in front of the world. That’s why I want you two to meet up and get to know each other in a more private setting. I’ll only alert the media when you two are going on one of your official dates. This time there’ll be no cameras, and no paparazzi.”

Vinyl’s eyes lit up.

“Really? You’ll let us talk in peace?”

“Of course! Couples need time alone to grow together. I know you’ve got plenty of questions you were just dying to ask at that first date of yours, but couldn’t because you were afraid of what ponies would think when they heard you ask about it.”

“Yeah, and whose fault is it that the paparazzi showed up?” muttered Vinyl.

“Oh come now, you know how they like a good story.” Wave leaned in, and his face hardened. “And that attitude is what got you in trouble in the first place. Just be glad that I’m giving you this time to yourselves. Don’t waste it, or I’ll know. You are dismissed.”

Vinyl opened her mouth to reply, but was cut short by an elbow to the stomach.

“Let’s just go before he changes his mind,” whispered Octavia, pulling Vinyl toward the door. “Thank you, Mr. Wave. That’s very generous of you,” she said aloud. Reluctantly, Vinyl followed her into the lobby. However, once she closed the door behind her, she pulled Octavia to a corner away from the door and turned on her.

“What was that! You do realize he’s just using this as part of his mind games, right? He’ll just walk all over you if you just agree to everything like that!”

“It’s called tact, a skill that you unsurprisingly don’t seem to possess,” replied Octavia, gritting her teeth. “Of course he’s planning something, I’m not stupid! But this might be the one time we can plan something without a hundred reporters breathing down our necks, and I’m not going to waste it! You’re only going to make things worse by yelling at him, so just take what he’s giving you and save the insults for later.

“Look, I know how to deal with uptight jerks who think they’re smarter than you. And I know how to deal with cameras that ponies think are hidden. You have to play around them, and put on a show. I’ve got a bug detector at my penthouse, and I’ll check all the rooms beforehand. If Wave has anything set up, we’ll know exactly where to be so that he can’t hear what we’re talking about.”

“Wow, paranoid much? Who keeps a bug detector just lying around?”

“It isn’t paranoia if there really are ponies trying to spy on you. My point is, this might be our chance to get the upper hoof on that monster. If we do this right, we can plan something together to get us out of this mess.”

Vinyl raised an eyebrow.

“Well… it’s not like I have much of a choice. I guess I’ll see you there.”

“Perfect. Arrive at 5:00 in two days.”

As Vinyl turned to leave, Octavia whispered to herself, “And please, please have a better plan than mine.”
> The Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Vinyl and Octavia: Lover’s Quarrel or Trouble Brewing?

Bad news, lovers of Octascratch! An unnamed source from Wave Records tells us that there may be trouble brewing for one of Canterlot’s hottest new couples.

Now, dear readers, you know as much as I do that I love the sounds of wedding bells in the air when it comes to celebrity couples. But sources say that there may be trouble brewing, as the couple got into a huge fight over musical tastes outside of the office of a one Mr. Sound Wave, all of which was overheard by an anonymous source sitting nearby. The question is, will the couple grow stronger or break apart because of their differences?

Now, I’ve seen my fair share of relationships over the years here at the Flabby Gums Column. But I also know when it’s time to call in some professional help. Luckily, we have just that! Our on-staff love analyst did some number crunching, studied the ins and outs of this rumor, and is proud to announce his findings here in this very column!

Thank you, Flabby. Hello, Dr. Love here, on-site love scientist writing to you from the love bunker. Now, I would like you to first consider the humble apple. All apples are red, juicy, and delicious. Now, all good relationships are much like this apple, and we can examine whether the relationship between Vinyl Scratch and Octavia is a good one by comparing them to this apple. The red represents the passion of the relationship, because red is a very passionate color. You can tell that there is much red in this relationship, because otherwise they would not be upset at each other about such trivial things. There is red in all good relationships, and you can tell by this argument that there is red.

Next, you must consider the juiciness of the apple. In this case, the juiciness represents the juiciness of the gossip. Obviously, this relationship is very juicy indeed, otherwise we would not be talking about it in a gossip column! All good relationships and apples must be juicy, therefore their relationship has another similarity to the apple.

And finally, a good relationship and apple must be delicious. I very much enjoy apples because they are delicious. Likewise, I very much enjoy seeing the relationship between Vinyl Scratch and Octavia flourish, therefore you could say that it is in fact delicious. A delicious apple is very enjoyable to eat, and a delicious relationship is enjoyable to watch. Since this relationship is also delicious, it is red, juicy, and delicious, much like an apple. Therefore, because their relationship is like an apple, this is clearly just a simple lover’s quarrel, and is simply a stepping stone in their relationship that they must overcome.

Thank you, Dr. Love! We all appreciate your dedication and hard work, especially so soon after your surgery! That fall really did a number on you, and we’re all hoping you make a full recovery!

Well, this is certainly a relief for those of us here watching this couple. It seems that this is just a bump in the road of their relationship. Good thing too, we were starting to get worried about you two! We here at the Flabby Gums Column look forward to seeing this couple grow closer in the months to come.

Signing off, xoxo, Flabby Gums.

Tomorrow: Do noted lyre player Lyra Heartstrings and noted other pony Bonbon have a secret foal?






The sound of her blaring alarm clock slowly rose Vinyl from what had previously been a sound slumber. She groaned as she glared daggers at the bringer of irritation. Some days she just wanted to put a hoof straight through that stupid thing and be rid of it. Today, for example.

But no, she had a concert today, chimed the logical part of her brain. And after that, a meet and greet with her fans. She had to get up or she wouldn’t be prepared for it. 

“Shut up, logic brain, shut up,” she thought. She tried to glare daggers at that too, but the best she could do was an eye roll.

Her hand hovered above the snooze button. “Suck it, logic brain,” she thought as she slowly brought a hoof down, briefly glancing at the time. 6:15.

“Wait.”

…

“Crap,” she thought, gritting her teeth slightly. “I hate it when logic brain is right.”

She groggily began pulling the sheets off of herself, leaving the warm comfort of her bed reluctantly.

She yawned, grabbing her goggles and putting them in her bag as she brushed her teeth. She blinked rapidly, trying to focus her eyes enough to walk outside. Eventually they cooperated enough that she could groggily walk over to the door.

She swung the door open, rubbing the crud out of her eyes as she yawned again. She barely had time to react as she just barely avoided running into the small filly in front of her. To be fair, the filly didn’t seem to care at all, beaming with joy despite almost being trampled.

“Omigosh, Vinyl Scratch! It’s really you!!!” cried the filly, squeeing with delight.

Vinyl instantly relaxed and let out a small chuckle.

“Yup, that’s me. So, what can I do for ya, kid?”

The filly was silent, prancing with joy before finally figuring out what to say.

“I just want you to know that I love everything about you and you’re so amazing that I couldn’t wait until later so I found out where your house is I hope that’s not too weird but I’ve never seen you without your goggles and now this is officially the best day ever and I can’t believe I’m meeting you in person and I can’t breathe I’m so excited and I think I’m passing out-” she said without stopping to take a breath. This did indeed cause her to pass out momentarily, but luckily she was quickly caught by a bemused Vinyl.

After waiting a few moments to let the filly catch her breath, Vinyl finally asked, “Hey, can you keep a secret?”

Her response was vigorous nodding strong enough to make Vinyl worried that she would pass out again.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. But you have to promise to keep this a secret, okay?”

After being met with more violent nodding, Vinyl disappeared back into her apartment. After a few minutes (during which the filly never, ever stopped grinning even a little bit) she reemerged with a record in an unassuming black case.

“This is the rough draft of my album that’s coming out next week. The record label doesn’t like me giving out anything before the official release, but hey, they’re not here now, are they? Oh, and obviously I’m gonna sign it to you. What’s your name?”

She didn’t think it was possible, but somehow the filly seemed even more excited now. She had broken into a new, previously theoretical range of excitement that scientists had calculated should be physically impossible. She opened her mouth a few times, but the resulting sound was above the frequency that ponies could hear. Finally, she managed to squeak out:

“Spring Step. It’s Spring Step!”

Vinyl raised an eyebrow and smiled a bit more.

“Spring Step, huh? I got your letter a few days ago.” Her smile faltered a bit as she remembered the ending of that letter. She quickly corrected herself and her smile returned in full.

Spring Step was now breathing so fast Vinyl was worried she might pass out again. It was clear she was trying to form words, but none of them were coming out of her mouth.

“Um, are you gonna be okay?” asked Vinyl tentatively. “I can go get a paper bag or something, you seem… Y’know…”

“Vinyl… Scratch….” wheezed Spring, “remembered… me from… my letter?”

“Heh, an awesome letter from an awesome fan like you? Of course I’d remember.”

And down she went. Spring Step was down for the count. Vinyl checked for a pulse before levitating her back onto her hooves, upon which she promptly fell down again. Oh well. Can’t blame a mare for trying.

“Hey kid, you gonna be okay? I can’t have fillies passed out on my doorstep. It’s bad enough when they’re adults.”

Actually, worse, thought Vinyl.

“Yeahhhh,” sighed Spring Step. She seemed to be calming down a bit now.

“Good,” thought Vinyl. “I didn’t wanna be late to my concert because I had to take care of a catatonic filly.”

“You think you can stand up now?” asked Vinyl after waiting a few moments.

“Mhm,” was the only reply.

“All right, good. Up you go then,” she said, pulling Spring onto her hooves. As she did so, Spring wrapped her arms around her, turning the motion into a hug.

“You’re the best, Vinyl Scratch! I’m going to write a letter to you every single day from now on! Um, if you’d like that?”

Vinyl smiled, returning the hug. “I’d love it.”

The filly began jumping up and down, making it very hard to maintain said hug. Eventually she released Vinyl from her embrace and Vinyl did the same.

“Oh my gosh, I’ve gotta go tell all my friends about how I’m pen pals with THE Vinyl Scratch! This is the best day of my life, I love you, Vinyl!”

The filly dashed off, leaving a trail of feathers in her wake. Vinyl chuckled.

“Wait for it…”

A few moments later, the filly walked back sheepishly.

“Um, I forgot my record. Could I, um…”

“Here you go, kid,” said Vinyl, smirking as she handed the black case to her.

“Thank you so much bye again you’re the best I love you!”

And just like that, she was gone again.

“There it is,” thought Vinyl.





After her concert, Vinyl was feeling pretty good. She got to meet with fans, show off her music, and get paid for all of it. What more could a mare want? However, the whole time her meeting with Octavia had stayed in the back of her mind. It did nothing to throw off her groove, obviously. Nothing could throw off the party groove of the one and only Vinyl Scratch. But she still couldn’t stop thinking about it. Now, on the cab ride to the address Octavia had given her, that meeting was at the forefront of her mind.

She giggled to herself at the way Octavia had talked about checking for bugs. What was this, a bad spy novel? Then again, Vinyl had never really paid much attention to the paparazzi. She’d always enjoyed the spotlight, as well as the free publicity it gave her. At their worst, they were a minor annoyance. Now though… Now she had a real secret to hide. Well, apart from, you know. The big one. But she had always kept that one very well hidden (at least until Sound Wave came along), and she had no reason to suspect that anypony else knew about it.

She sighed and took off her goggles, staring out the window as the streets rolled by. Normally she didn’t wear them around town, but she hadn’t wanted anypony to see how nervous she was as she left for Octavia’s.

Still though, nopony else knew about her meeting with Octavia, right? Sound Wave knew they were meeting up, but he didn’t know any of the details. They hadn’t talked about a date, a time, or a place around him. She was pretty sure Octavia was just being paranoid. Sure, of course the paparazzi were going to show up and bug her “date” at the Tasty Treat. That had been a huge publicised event between a pair of famous celebrities. The press would have a field day with that. But this? She had barely even talked about this with Octavia. Surely there was no way anypony knew about it. Right?

“Too late now,” she thought as the cab came to a stop in front of a large, ritzy high rise building. “This sure looks like the right place.”

“Here we are, Ms. Scratch,” said the driver, confirming her suspicions.

“Thanks. Here, keep the change,” replied Vinyl, absentmindedly tossing him a hooffull of bits and putting her goggles back on as she got out of the cab. She made her way up to the front doors of the building, rechecking the room number she had been given as she did so.

As she pulled open the glass door, the receptionist at the front desk smiled at her.

“Vinyl Scratch, what a pleasure! I take it you’re here to see your filly friend on floor 18?” she said, winking.

“Er, yeah, that’s right. Room 1819b?”

“Mhm, once you get out of the elevator just take the first left and follow the signs.” The receptionist grinned from ear to ear. “Go on now, don’t keep her waiting.”

Vinyl nervously smiled back as she made her way to the elevators. Did the receptionist know about their secret meeting?

Ugh, no, of course not. She just thought she was catching some tail tonight. Vinyl faked a smile, then grimaced as she turned around.

As the elevator started ascending, the same song that had been playing at Wave Records started drifting through the speakers.

That same. Stupid. Song.

Seriously, would it kill the ponies that picked these playlists to play some more modern stuff? Even some of Vinyl’s own music. I mean, she had some chill songs. It could work.

Of course, ponies like Octavia were probably the ones that decided what music to play. Canterlot snobs deciding what everypony else should listen to, too afraid to look out of fashion to try something new.

Her thoughts were cut short as the elevator arrived at her destination. She made her way to the room (first left, follow the signs for rooms 1801-1820) and knocked on the unassuming door. When there was no answer, she double checked the address.

“This is the right place,” she thought, considering knocking again. “There’s no way she forgot about our meeting, is there?” She decided to knock again.

As she did, she heard a muffled voice from behind the door.

“Yes, yes, I’m coming. Just have some patience.”

As Octavia opened the door, the first thing Vinyl noticed was that she was missing her signature bow tie. She looked weirdly naked without it. The second thing she noticed was Octavia frantically pressing a hoof over her mouth.

“Oh Vinyl, I’m so glad you could come,” she said in what was probably supposed to be a seductive tone. “Our time apart has been agony, come and hold me in your sweet embrace.”

Vinyl cocked her head in confusion and raised an eyebrow. Octavia simply held out a hoof with a small, electronic device in it.

“Oh. Crap,” she thought, her eyes widening. “She really wasn’t being paranoid.”

“But first, my sweet Vinyl, let me show you my beautiful view of the city,” continued Octavia, leading her inside to the window at the far end of the room. “Ah, let me get some fresh air for our night of romance.” She opened the window, then dropped the device onto the streets below. A nearby pigeon took an interest in it, hopping over to eat it. Octavia closed the window and turned around, smirking.

“What was that about me being paranoid?”

“Okay, okay, fair enough,” replied Vinyl, throwing her hooves up. “Why did you keep that thing until I arrived though? You could’ve just thrown it away when you found it.”

“Two reasons,” said Octavia, leading Vinyl to her living room, “The first reason is that I was keeping up appearances. If our friend Mr. Wave thinks we’re just getting into our roles, he won’t bother asking us about it further.”

“Pretty good thinking. What’s the second reason?”

Octavia turned her head and grinned. “The second reason is that I wanted to rub it in your dumb, naïve face.”

Vinyl rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. You were right. I already said fair enough, are you happy now?”

“Very,” said Octavia, primly turning back around. “Take a seat.”

As Vinyl sat down, she glanced around. The whole room looked very clean. As in, impossibly clean. Did Octavia even live here?

“Do you even live here?” she asked.

Octavia gave her a strange look before answering. “I assume you are referring to the state of my living space and not asking if I gave you a fake address to meet at.” In a well-practiced tone, she continued, “I take pride in keeping my living space as presentable as possible at all times. After all, cleanliness is a virtue, and I want my guests to feel as comfortable as possible.”

Vinyl rolled her eyes at the haughty tone. “Uh huh. Speaking of comfort, you got anything to drink around here?”

Octavia bristled slightly. “Well, I have water, milk, and soda. Are you interested in any of those? I have tea as well, though I doubt you’d be interested in that.”

Vinyl snickered. “No, I mean alcohol. You got any booze around here, or are you really that uptight?”

“W-well, I do keep a bit of cider stocked in the minibar for when guests come over. Would you like some of that?”

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds good,” said Vinyl, waving a hoof.

Octavia left to the kitchen, then came back with a six pack of cider bottles.

“Here, take whatever you like. It’s not like I go through them,” she said, sitting back down. She grabbed a bottle herself. “I may as well take one out of politeness.”

Vinyl opened both of their bottles with her magic and they each took a sip. Daintily placing her bottle onto the coffee table, Octavia began.

“Look, Vinyl, here’s the thing. I don’t trust you to keep any secrets.”

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Look, it’s nothing personal,” replied Octavia, primly taking another sip from her bottle. “It’s just that you and I have a very different amount of experience with this sort of thing. Avoiding the public eye, as it were. You have much more experience with staying in the spotlight than out of it.”

Vinyl had to admit that she had a point. She seemed much more experienced with this sort of thing. If it wasn’t for Octavia, Sound Wave would’ve been able to hear their entire conversation through that bug. Octavia seemed to know her way around this more than she did.

“So, why are you talking about this with me in the first place? If I’m so bad at keeping secrets, then wouldn’t telling me your plan ruin everything?”

“Simple. Because I know you also have a huge investment in stopping Sound Wave. We are, after all, both in this mess together, and I know stopping him will be much easier if I have somepony helping me.” She took a bigger sip of her drink this time, and Vinyl followed her. “Besides, while I don’t trust you to keep things hidden from prying eyes now, I can teach you how to be, how did you put it? Paranoid much?”

“Er, right,” coughed Vinyl. Octavia took another drink. “So, is this gonna be, like, sneaking around 101? You’re gonna give me lessons or something?”

“Of a sort, although if I taught in a class format I doubt you’d understand much of it.” Vinyl scowled. “No, I’m going to show you what I’ve learned over the years I’ve spent dealing with the press. Dealing with them in ways other than showboating, that is.” She took a drink before continuing. “Now, the first rule you must always keep in mind is that when speaking to other ponies (other than myself, of course), you must always live your story. And to live your story, you must be clear on what that story is. If we want our friend Mr. Wave to stay off our backs, that story will be that we are, in fact, a ‘loving couple.’” The sarcasm on her last two words was thick enough to cut with a knife. She took another drink, as if to wash the words out of her mouth. “If we can fool him, we can fool anypony. And if we have him fooled, nopony will suspect when we enact our plan against him. So unless I give you the all clear, you don’t give anything away to anypony.”

Octavia finished her drink and placed it to the side, grabbing another bottle from the container. She opened it with a bottle opener that was sitting on the counter in the kitchen. “Strange that she would have that out already,” thought Vinyl, before brushing the thought aside. There were more important things to think about.

“So… I have to lie to all my fans?” asked Vinyl nervously. She thought back to Spring Step, her new pen pal, who had been so excited to see her together with Octavia. She couldn’t lie to a little filly like that day after day. Then again, what choice did she have? She couldn’t break that filly’s heart either by telling her that she and Octavia weren’t really in love. And how many other fans out there thought the same thing? How many hearts would she be breaking if she announced to the world that she had never really been in love with Octavia? She couldn’t do that. Not to her fans.

Then again, this was a discussion she had already had over and over again with herself. Every time she had come to the same conclusion, but never wanted to accept it. Every time she had decided that she had to keep pretending, that she just couldn’t bring herself to break the hearts of her fans who looked up to her. But at the same time, she kept going over that conversation with herself again and again, trying to find another way to make everypony happy. But she never did find one. “You’re right,” she reluctantly admitted. “I… I guess have to.”

Octavia took another drink. “Good. It seems you learn quickly. I’m glad I don’t have to explain to you again why I’m always right.”

Vinyl rolled her eyes. “And so humble, too. Do go on, o great sensai.”

Octavia took another swig and glared at Vinyl. “The next thing you need to learn is that you need to reign in that stupid attitude of yours. That thing you pulled back at Wave Records? That sort of thing can’t happen. That’s the sort of thing that will end up in the press. Trust me, they will find out.”

“Ugh, you sound like The Big Idiot himself. Trying to reign in my ‘attitude’? Really? It’s who I am, you can’t change that.”

“Oh dear, and you were doing so well,” mocked Octavia, taking another swig from her bottle. “That’s the whole point, you idiot. You’re pretending to be somepony else. This is the whole reason why I didn’t trust you to do this in the first place.” She finished her bottle of cider and angrily grabbed another one. “You think you’re good enough to fool the public? Start acting like it. Stop acting like the things you say won’t have consequences, because they will.” She leaned in closer to Vinyl, anger etched onto her face as her nostrils flared. “If I am going to tell you anything about my plan, I have to know that you won’t blurt it out to somepony with connections to prove some silly point. I need to know that everything won’t be derailed by one of your petty ego trips! I need to know that you can manage to pull your head out of your flank long enough to make it through the day without giving away everything! If you can’t do that, then trust me, I will have no qualms about throwing you under the bus and making sure whatever Sound Wave blackmailed you with shows up in every newspaper from here to Ponyville! Am. I. Clear?!”

Vinyl reeled back in shock as if she’d just been hit by a truck. This was a side of Octavia she had not expected. She slowly released the armrests she hadn’t realized she was tightly grabbing and sat back in her chair normally.

“Y-yes, c-clear,” she squeaked out.

“Good,” Octavia replied in a sickeningly sweet voice. She slowly sat back down and took a long sip from her drink, never breaking eye contact with Vinyl. “Now, if Mr. Wave asks whether you’re enjoying your new life with me, what will you say?”

Vinyl gulped. “I… I’ll say that it’s, um, everything I imagined?”

“Wrong!” yelled Octavia, slamming her cider onto the table. “You’ll say it’s growing on you, because you and I both know that what you imagined was us breaking up! Nopony but an idiot would believe that you suddenly decided to like me out of nowhere! Now, what will you say?”

“It… It’s growing on me?”

“That’s right, you will,” said Octavia in a tone like she was talking to a foal. “And if a fan comes up to you and tells you they love seeing us together, what will you say?”

Vinyl froze, thinking back to Spring Step’s letter again. The way she seemed so happy to see her with Octavia, and the way it would’ve broken that filly’s heart to tell her the truth. “I’ll say you’re the mare of my dreams,” she replied.

Octavia paused. She could tell Vinyl had thought about this response already. “Has… Has that already happened to you? Have they already asked?”

Vinyl nodded. “I couldn’t break that filly’s heart.”

Octavia slowly sat back down in her seat. “Oh,” was all she said. She chugged the last of her drink and grabbed another bottle.

There was a profound silence as neither of them said a word. The only sound between them was the hiss of Octavia opening another bottle of cider. She took a sip, then there was a soft thud as she set the bottle back on the table. Both of them stared at the table, avoiding eye contact with each other. Eventually, Octavia broke the silence.

“You… Really do care about them. Don’t you?”

Vinyl simply nodded.

“And, you wouldn’t do anything to make them unhappy?”

Vinyl nodded again.

“Then… Just know that if we get into another shouting match. Or even if you get into another shouting match with anypony about this. If you do anything that might suggest we’re not the perfect happy couple that the press wants to see, there’s a good chance somepony will find out. And if they do, they won’t be quiet about it.”

Vinyl nodded once again. Slowly, she took off her goggles.

“Look, Octavia. I… I wish we could be a perfect couple. It would make everypony so, so happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. But now, I feel like I’ve been backed into a corner. For the first time in what seems like forever, I’m having to pick between my happiness and the happiness of my fans.” She sighed. “How do you do it? How do you manage to live a lie like you do? How did you get so good at it?”

Octavia shrugged. “I grew up in a world where reputation was everything, and it’s a very different type of reputation than you have to uphold.” She grabbed her bottle of cider, seemingly studying it. “When you keep ponies from seeing your personal life, it just makes them even more interested. I just play my part and keep them guessing. Ponies are much more interested in a mysterious persona.” She took another swig from her drink. “Of course, it’s easier to hide your personal life when you don’t really have one.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” replied Vinyl, finishing her drink.

Octavia sighed. “I had to. I had to get good at it, or I wouldn’t have gotten where I am. Canterlot nobility expects you to act one way, and one way only, and if you don’t get in line, you don’t have a job.” Octavia grabbed her bottle and started chugging the rest of her cider.

Vinyl grabbed the last bottle of cider just as Octavia finished hers. Octavia reached for another bottle of cider, only to find that there were none left.

“Ugh,” she groaned, getting up to grab more cider. Vinyl’s eyes widened as she came back from the kitchen with a full case of cider. She cracked open another bottle and glanced back at Vinyl. “Remember what I said earlier about not telling stuff to the press? Yeah, this is the sort of thing I was talking about.”

“So… Does this mean you trust me?” asked Vinyl tentatively.

“Yeah, sure,” replied Octavia, taking a deep swig from her bottle. “You seemed to be on board with this thing from the beginning anyway. Plus you could use the practice with keeping secrets.” She held up her bottle again, staring at it, lost in thought.

“I wanted to ask you,” she said, still staring at her bottle, “did you have a plan of your own when you came here?”

“Well… Sort of,” replied Vinyl hesitantly. “I had an idea of where to go next. Some… Friends to consult.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow. “Go on,” she said, taking another sip of her cider.

“Well, I’ve got some favors with some, er, questionable people. They owe me, and they know way more about pretending to be somepony else than me. Probably you as well.”

“What kind of… ‘questionable people’ are you referring to?” asked Octavia.

“The Changeling Mob,” replied Vinyl. She now had Octavia’s full attention.

“And… How exactly did you acquire these ‘favors’?” asked Octavia, a dozen horrifying scenarios running through her head. Was Vinyl involved in a pony trafficking ring? Was she ripping pony’s souls out of their bodies? Was Vinyl herself a changeling here to eat her??

“I got them in to see some of my shows. It turns out that some of them are fans of my stuff, and they wanted to see me performing live but were afraid they’d get found out. Of course, the first time they only told me they were changelings afterwards, but… They’re actually not all that bad. Mostly they just seemed, well, desperate. Most of them just want to live a normal life.”

“They’re actually pretty cool,” she added.

Octavia seemed to mull this over in her head. She sipped her cider and sat down to think some more. Finally, she shrugged.

“Well, that’s better than my plan.”

“What was your plan?”

“I didn’t have one.”