We all expected it. We all saw it coming. But today of all day's? What to do to save a reunion and keep the pony shaped lumb of meat out of the filly's sights?
((This Fic is not really cannon to any other story's. just a one shot for something that needed to be done. for reasons
"WAKE UP!" The unicorn repeatedly slaps the old earth pony around senselessly, his eyes darting around the room. He quickly looks out the window seeing most of the apple family gathering around, and at 5 in the morning?! " What's with these hicks and doing everything so early?!" The unicorn scratch at his mane wildly, he had one job! Watch an old lady and make sure she took her meds while they got everyone and everything set up! Rahzzy looks over to Granny Smith, who lay there unmoving, cold, and reeking! "At least foals cry when i leave them out at night. Old waste of space..." No. forget about that...
What if Applebloom sees the body first? Will he get blamed for it? Not that he cares if that kid get tramatized, but where's the benefit in all of this? He ponders as he start to wrap Granny smith in the covers quickly "Okay Granny Smith, sorry about this, I mean I'm kind of glad you died. You were becomeing an old waste of space after all!" Rahzzy said to the body, which was reeking of death. Then came the idea, what if he just hide the body until the family reunion is over with? If everyone got to enjoy there hick thing, and they find the corpse some other time, maybe i'll get rewarded for saving the family reunion? Eh it's worth a try.
" Granny smith? Are you up?" Applejack voice echos past the door as it start to creak open. Rahzzy quickly picked up the wrapped smith and threw her on the floor. He then tried to push her under the bed. In AJ's view was a fidgeting unicorn who quickly waved over to her.
" Morning AJ! What's up?" Rahzzy smiled and played it cool as he made sure to keep eye contact with her. He didn't know if she could read a lie through the eyes.
"Rahzzy? What're you doing here? And where's Granny Smith?" She asked as she look around the room. Did she miss Smith on her way up to find her?
"Oh she when't to the outhouse, I was just checking out the view from the window" Rahzzy pointed it out and walked back to it, not before giving smith one last good kicking. AJ walk over to the unicorn suprised to see him in her Gran's room.
"Well this is out of the ordinary, I didn't think you the type to be an early bird." She looked over to Rahzzy questionably.
" Well you know I'm a baby sitter after all. It's all part of the job to make sure they don't get there hooves on anything and hurt themselves!" He hope to sound at lest covincing, Granny Smith is old, so that's no different then baby sitting right?
"You sure? I just came from the outhouse and I didn't see her on the way there." In the mist of getting ready to question Rahzzy on why's he's in Smith room, CRASH! A flying pear came smashing thew the window.
"OH WHAT?! WHY?!" Rahzzy already jumpy as it is. looking to the window that was smashed. Applejack quickly ran over to the window and looks out of it seeing a mare with green mane and paper taped over where the cutie mark would be...
"DAMN IT CARROT TOP I KNOW THAT'S YOU! " AJ screams out at the running mare. "Don't think dying your mane hides your face!!" Applejack stomps her hoof on the floor in anger as she start to make her way out the room. "Great!"
"What was that about and the pear thing?" the unicorn asked, not knowing about the pear and its origin.
" I don't know, tryin' to start a turf war with out getting in the mix. Last year she used her carrots on me and i had to g--""
" SHE FUCKED YOU, WITH CARROTS!? " Rahzzy shouted unnecessarily loud as the other ponys out side looks up to the broken window. AJ just give Rahzzy a disgusted look from the wild assumption.
"If you don't interrupt me again, she SHOT me with carrots and I had to get surgery..." She shook her head. The more time she wastes with his nonsense the less she'll have a chance catching carrot top. "Anyway can you go find Smith and tell her we're waiting for her! She said she had a surprise for us this year with some findings!" leaving it at that as she quickly ran out of the room in a hurry. Rahzzy was alone again, and would pull granny smith out from under the bed. She felt way more gross then before, part of her felt like jelly. He moved the blanket off of Granny Smith and from the looks of it, had broken her rib and foreleg when he was stomping her into hiding.
" Whoops... ahah.. m..my bad?" well, it's just damaged old lump of meat now. However, this did give him a great idea! If she's boneless, that would make her more flexible right? Meaning she might be more easier to hide! Maybe he can hide her in the apple acres, least until everyone have there family's reunion. But the fly's where starting to gather, and the smell was getting stronger "Nasty.. Eh. whatever makes the job easier" he thought. Once's he made sure granny smith was fully covered up, he raise his fore legs and start to stomp her out. Her old bones coudn't take the force the stallion was putting into his power stomps. There was loud cracking, Pops, and squishy noise's, he cringed from every sound. Thanks goodness she was already gone! But let's put in some more effort. His horn glows bright as he picks up the beaten and blood stand covers. He start to beat it into the wall. the floor. And the chilling before dropping it down on the floor with as much force he can manage. At this point it looked more like a cover holding Garbage at this point. He smile to himself feeling proud of his work so far.
"Uhh..Rahzzy? what are you doing..?" asked the small filly who walked in the room of a unicorn madly beating a closed cover like a bag filled with kittens. He turns to face Applebloom who was most confused at this strange display.
And then there's this little bitch. Why? why can't i just dump it out the window? Why did the little shit had to come here when i'm trying to hide the trash from her?
"Eww that's that smell?" Applebloom held her muzzle, unknowing of the smell of a body in the room " It smells like plop!"
" What're you even doing up here?? Shouldn't you be outside playing with your friends or something?" Rahzzy demanded an answer from the filly of inconveniences. She start to fan the air around her as she walked in looking for that gross smell.
" Everyone heard you screaming about carrots..and Uhh" she try to find the words for it in that little incest hick mind of her's. Rahzzy had this thought cross his mind and chuckles to himself. What was that little secret thing granny smith had? Maybe AJ and Big mac is her 'mah and pah'. "You dropping the F-bomb! yeah that was the..hey, are you even listening to me?" Rahzzy was too busy occupying is own imaginations with a stupid smirk on his face. Of course he don't listen, he never listened to anyone. She shake her head and walk over to the cover rahzzy was tossing around. She nearly gags as the oder made her recoil " What in the world is inside there? where you beating a dead skunk inside it?" Wait. What? the formerly day dreaming unicorn looks over to the curious filly unwrapping the cover. His eyes widden in fear and he rushed over and SLaped Applebloom at the back of the head. Quickly stoping all actions and flops on her flanks holding the back of her head "" OOOww! What the hay was that for?!"
"Don't touch that! it's nasty and not for filly eyes!" Rahzzy would then think "..and i can't give this filly screaming. I have half a mind to shut her up with my fifth leg if i have to." He picked up the cover, only to have a mean looking filly glaring at him.
"You didn't have to hit me...I'm telling big Macintosh on you!" She got up to her hooves and would go running out the door. Rahzzy was panicked, and pissed, why she have to give him so much trouble?! Oh the things he wanted to do to her right now, his horn glowed as his magic grasped her tail. With a tug she falls to the floor and quickly hurry into the hall she was now in and try to keep his voice low.
"Look, Bloom.. Im sorry but i can't let anyone know about this... please let this stay a secret... okay?" Rahzzy try to beg her as she got back up on her hooves giving rahzzy a very suspicious look. She may be just a kid, And a hick, but she wasn't brain dead as he hoped..
" Why.. it's just a skunk..right..? i don't think i should be keeping secret if you're not being honest with me. In fact this weird behavior of your's make me wonder if everything happened, are you stealing from us?
"Close but no cigar you little bitch." At least that what he wanted to say. He hoped he was home free once AJ left, But no, some jailbate have to block the way. "I really can't say, can you let me get rid of this so i can..you know.. clean the covers up...?" Applebloom was not amused of the cautious unicorn evading her question like a true criminal would do in the comic books. "I'll give you the count of 3 to tell me the truth. Or i get big mac...1.."
"I'm going to fuck her so hard she'll NEVER be able to reproduce a child of her own" he thought, for a damn filly to waste his time and be pressuring him... "I shit the bed."
The bow wearing filly face scrunched up in surprised looking right at the stallion.. "You...what?"
" I. Shit. The bed. And I'm trying to hide my shame... It was that bad" Rahzzy was very pissed off. To tell a foal this mean she's only going to tell her friends who might believe it too.
"But...why?" the confused and uncomfortable filly backed up from the stallion "I mean..you're not old.. and i didn't think you needed diapers..."
Oh celestia this is getting stupid. "Nope, I ate something bad last night. I coudn't make it.. and I.. did it on the bed..."
"In Granny's bed...and..not you're own..."
"It happend on my way to check up on her!" He need to shut her up, she's asking too many qustions for his liking. He try to reach over to pat her head, but she jumped away from him.
"Now hold on there! You go wash your hooves and i take that out for ya." She hoof out for the cover, but Rahzzy refuse to give it to her. He can't risk her finding out, not anypony. Rahzzy carried it as he quickly started to make his way down the hall to head down the first floor.
" No no i got this. it's my mess and my responsibility...I got this.. No need to...worry?" This foal, she can actually be useful to him. He smile and turned his head back to her "Actually...I think i know how you can help me."
10 minute of explanations later
Rahzzy look down to see the lower floor with filled with ponys chatting and playing. An apple family gathering was huge and there was no way he get the trash out of here with out being caught. Applebloom followed behind him and looks down to the rest of her family down there. Rahzzy shake his head "There's no way i'm gonna get past all of them..." Applebloom gave Rahzzy a pat on the back and smiles.
"Don't ya worry partner! I got you covered! I'll just keep them distracted and out the way just as planned!" The worried unicorn smiled, thankfully having her as his inside filly to help him hide a corpse. She had no clue but it might just work out! He watches the little filly move her tiny flank down stairs and watch her disappear in the crowd. He could hear some voices down stairs.
"Has anyone seen Granny smith?"
"No. I mean i think i did. Wasn't she talking with Apple fitter?"
"No I was talking with Auntie Applesauce, I haven't seen her yet."
He need to get the hell out of here, soon. All this talk about dead garbage is making him paranoid. There was a loud squealing, very loud squealing. What the heck was that? Rahzzy headed back to Smith's room to look out the window. And he coudn't be any happier and more fustrated. From seeing scootaloo trying to ride a piggy bare back with that hot stuff babs and followed by a muddy applebloom running after them. Babs was holding a megaphone over the pig's muzzle as they ran around. How did she get her friends in on this? Only likely she told them about what happend. It was a lie, but now she have kids thinking he really did shit the bed. But the distraction was working! The other apples started to leave the house to investagate. It was now or never! He quickly ran down stairs, making sure no one was around. Thankfully it was conviently empty! "YES!" He thought as he rushed to the kitchen and tried to climb out the windows from there. Pushing the covers out from the window. Then blood started to leak out of the covers as they flops onto the ground. He follows right after and steps right onto it. The gross feeling of mush and wet meat soaked in under his hooves. He quickly hops off and pick up the covers, running for the apple acres.
" AHahah!!! yes yes, Yeeees!" Rahzzy was so close to victory! He can almost taste it!
"Bark!" Suprised by the barking, he turns to see what it was, the Apple's dog Winona. She looked excited running over to the unicorn and try to go right for the covers. He quickly hold it up in his magic away from Winona.
"No no, bad dog! go away! shoo!" He try to shoo the dog away as he try to run for the apple acres. Winona close behind. Freaking dog, alright fine, let's do this the hard way.
Once's rahzzy made it to the apple acers. He start to run around the trees and behind them. Winona was still as hyper as ever for a dog. Rahzzy tried to get out of her sight, running from tree to tree. Why is she even after him anyway?! Do she know?! It make no damn sense! He needed to lose wiona and...wait.. where she go? When he checked behind him she was nowhere to be found. Did he go farther she was allowed to go? He sighed, Whatever, he was home free. He go to the closest tree and set the covers down, starting diggeing with his hooves.
" Oh this is just digusting...."
30 minute of digging later
Finally, he was hot messy and dirty, he might stink too. He kicked the bag of bones into her grave. It wasn't deep, but it was something, at least just for her to fit. He filled in the hole, and took a deep breathe "The deed. Is freaking..done..." he put on a soft smile and start to head back to the barn. It'll be weird to just leave after smith go missing after all. When he did get back alot of ponys were looking around, Likely looking for Smith. Looked like AJ was back with a hog tied carrot top. Heading inside he would go to the kicken and start to wash his hooves. "Time to wash my hooves of all of this today. And no one will know about it for now.."
"Secret safe with us."
"Shit?!" He got spooked hearing the filly with the sexy accent speak turning over to babs and applebloom who wasn't as dirty as before.
"Sorry about that" Bloom sctach her head apologizeing. "I know you said you wanted this to be a secret.. but i needed some help so i told my cousin about it.. Just me and bab know"
"Yeah And I'm all about keeping my words you know? And don't worry someone i know back home did the same thing, She ate glue!"
He wasn't sure if that was suppose to make him feel any better, being compared to some foal eating glue. But it's not bad compared to what may of happened to him, they'll thank him in the end! "Uhh thanks...I guess, but i'm feeling a little tired. I think i might rest up in the guest room right now."
" Oh! Stay! We're about to have some of our cousin's pies! It'll be great to eat up some after all that. Forget about that little mess and have some great food! " Applebloom hopes around encorageing Rahzzy to have some of there family pies. It wasn't a bad offer, he was hungry after all that nonsense, corpse or not. His appetite couldn't be ruined so easily.
" Oh why not...i need to relax after all of that .. lead the way girls! " He smile time to enjoy the party.
Some time later in the afternoon...
Everyone was gathering around the table every different pie. all different kind of flavor. Now this would be better with milk, but he was so full already.
"You stuff yourself already?" AJ chuckles. "Hope ya not full yet! you haven't tried caramels apple's yet!" He start to frown a bit, do he have to try all of the family's food?
" I don't think i have that much room AJ, I might burst." Rahzzy said, Applejack only chuckles.
"Now your a stallion ain't ya? You should of known what you had gotten yourself into once you decided to stay while longer!"
"Hey uhh guys..?" They heard the timid voice of Caramel as they look over seeing winona dragging a dirty cover withby the bone sticking out of it " I think Winona found something...."
Rahzzy eyes slowly start to widden up in terror, that why Winona was following him! He was speechless..why all the way over here? Applebloom jumped up and quickly try to pull the cover away from Winona.
"No no! Bad girl wiona! That's not good for you! don't eat that!"
"OOh what is that awful smell coming from that thing?!" Fritter cries out as her eyes start to water. Winona was fighting back as the cover start to rip.
"Applebloom! what's is that nasty sheet doing in here? Winona get that out of here and leave it out side! " Aj grab her hat and fans it, the smell was was killing her appetite.
" Welp look at the time! i forgot i might have work today!" Rahzzy says up he had to get the hell out of--
RRIIIIIIP
And just like that with a wet plop of meat hit the floor. Everything falls silent, what the covered revealed left everyone shocked. A geen wrinkled up blob of broken bones. Teeth scattered all over with small maggets around the eyes, one of which was hanging out laying in the gore. Applebloom stands there as she takes it all in. After she pissing herself then passing out in her own piss the filly would scream.
""GRANNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!""
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone started to panic, faint and cry. Big Mac quickly puked in a bucket, AJ ran to the remains with tears running down her eyes. Rahzzy however was stupified on what to do. Maybe sneak out of here. They don't know that he was the one who--
" YOU LIED! YOU SAID IT WAS FILLED WITH SHIT! YOU MONSTER!" Screamed and angry babs who followed up by punching him in the ribs. Rahzzy jumped away from her flinching from the pain.
"I don't know what you're talking about! you're acting crazy!
Winona barked to Rahzzy as he looked over trembling. She lays the bone she had in her mouth and place it right next to him and wag her tail pleased with herself. AJ looked over to what Winona did and what Babs said. She was filled with shock, horror and rage. She had started to put two and two together, the strange behaver, Granny being missing all that time, him happening to be in the room... "Rahzzy...did...you...do this...?" she slowly got up from the lump of meat and take her hat off.
"You tricked us! you tricked me and Applebloom to help you hide a body!"
"You made my little sister you're accomplice?!" Spoke Big Mac whos eyes were blood shot. Rahzzy turn to him as he felt the strong hoof push him on to the table knocking over the trays and pies. He quickly gets up standing on the table now, completely surrounded as they slowly closed in on him.
"WAIT SHE WAS ALREADY DEAD WHEN I FOUND HER! I was just trying to hide the body so you all enjoy yourself!" Dispite his amazing excuse. they was still closeing in on him
" You defiled my granny..and you go around saying she's shit?!" Said the large red stallion. Rahzzy tried to get to the other said of the table. Hopefully to try to get pass the other. Unfortunately Mac stomped on the table flinging Rahzzy right back to him. He would slide over right next to Big Mac, who picked him up by the mane and slammed his fac into the table breaking Rahzzy muzzle. He screams out in pain holding his muzzle looking up to Mac. AJ would come with her rope, another member stomping an apple with little to no effort, and babs holding a cheese grater.
"You better have something to say for you're self.. Better make what you say count...." Applejack eyes were filled with hate for the unicon. She may be asking for the unicorn's last word. Whatever he have to say, he needed to chose his words carefully. This might be the meaning of life and death...."
"I...saves you the trouble of reschedualing a funeral?"
In with follows to his answer. A heavy red hoof impact him right between the eyes