> Killer Cars: Reloaded!
>  by Zedfire
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> Chapter 1, The Car (John Revolta), The Arrival
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Things just do not want to go our way do they? One instance, we had been in a killer/horror convention in New York and the next, we were in Equestria, as the killer cars that we brought with us! I should probably explain just what we were doing there in the first place. We had heard all about a horror/killer convention that had opened up last year, which we had missed just the day before, but as luck would have it, it gave us plenty of time to prepare for the convention anyway, we managed to find all our favorite movie killer cars, we had a 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III, modified just like in the movie The Car, I even managed to get it modified by the same guys who made it for the movie after tracking them down! There was also a 1958 Plymouth Fury repainted to look just like Christine from both the book and the movie. A 1955 Peterbilt 281 from the 1971 suspense production Duel was also present, tanker trailer included, though being a much cleaner black color than in the movie, a 1974 Dodge Charger with a bent hood just like Wheels Of Terror, a 1957 Cadillac Eldorado from Black Cadillac, with all the body parts present on the car, was also with us. You want ridiculousness in terms of cars? We managed to get a 1967 Chevrolet Camaro convertible from Crash! (1977), a 1973 Cadillac Ambulance Miller Meteor Lifeliner from The Ambulance and the Western Star 4800 Happy Toyz Truck from Maximum Overdrive with it’s trailer. I had the Lincon while my girlfriend Christine Williams had, ironically, Christine. Mac Draco had the Peterbilt while Jack O'Donnell had the Charger. Fred Cortland was driving the Cadillac, Lucy Stars was in possession of the Camaro, Donald Brown had the Ambulance and Gordon Killian had the Western Star 4800.

We were having a ball being what could essentially be called a horror convoy, showing off our cars to several people on the way to the convention, who took a look at the spectacle our automobiles had become, specifically, the older crowd. Most of them looked on in awe, shock or abject horror of seeing so many of these terrifying vehicles in one place. Deciding to play a bit of a joke, I honked the Lincon’s horn just like the actual car would have in the movie, a loud ‘HOOOONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOONK’ sounded for what seemed like miles as I pressed the horn in the pattern that the car did, scaring quite a few people in the process. And yes, it sounded exactly like the movie; loud, guttural and by all means should have belonged on an 18 wheeler truck! When we finally arrived at the convention, we pulled into the back where the officials were waiting for us with the loading garage door open. “You guys the ones with the horror vehicles?” One of them asked, I sighed, motioning around me. “Do you see cars that look like this around here normally?” I joked, hoping he would laugh. It worked. “Ha ha! Well, I like you already, not certain if the Western Star would fit inside with its trailer though.” I took a look at the loading garage, it was at least big enough around to drive a truck in comfortably, I took a look back at the Peterbilt and the Western Star, both of them looked like they could go in with no problems. “Let’s see the Western Star try it anyway, we have more than enough money to make repairs.” I waved them off and let the Western go by me, Gordon looked a little unsure as he just hesitated for a moment right as his nose was about to go across the event horizon that was the door. Once he started moving again, he actually began to move even faster, he went rather quickly through once he realized that he could get through the door with little problem. Once we saw this we went into a line through the door in no particular order, the officials led us to our spots in the convention, everyone who was present at the convention waved and even a few cheered upon seeing us arrive. We were extremely thankful for this, and admittedly, we took it all in with stride.

Once we got settled in, we put up our ‘Look but don’t touch!’ signs, Christine putting up a, ‘You touch me, you die!’ sign in reference to the fact that Christine the car was sentient, and killed anyone who did any degree of damage to her, intentionally or otherwise. We took a look around the place, seeing what we could, even buying and trying out a few things, even getting to see a preview scene of the upcoming FNAF movie! It was quite the fun ride to be fair, though what occurred next was something none of us could have expected. We had seen miniature versions of our vehicles, of which none of us possessed. They were extremely cheap, at $1.00 for the cars, $2.00 for the Ambulance and $5.00 for the trucks. Once we took a long look at them, I started to feel sleepy. “Hey... what’s going on?” I asked tiredly. “Don’t know man, this is...” Jack tried to say before he fell flat on his face, if not for the weirdness of the situation, I probably would have laughed at him. Suddenly, Christine dropped as well as my other friends. “I’ll get whoever did this...” I managed to say before I passed out, completely unaware as to what was going to happen to us.

I don’t precisely know how long I was asleep for, maybe a few minutes or even hours, regardless, when I woke, I was greeted with the sight of a forest, I wasn’t tied down to anything or even laying down like I thought I was. My first thought was; ‘What am I doing standing up? Am I sleep walking?’ I tried to crane my head around, but for some reason, I couldn’t move my head at all! ‘What in blazes?’ I tried to raise my arms or even my own legs, only to discover that I didn’t have any! ‘What in the devil’s name is going on here!?’ I demanded as I then realized that when I tried moving my arms and legs, I was feeling them moving along the ground! ‘Why...?’ I then found a lake nearby and moved over to it, when I looked into it, thankfully being able to look up and down, I saw the front bumper and grill of my Lincon staring back at me. ‘What is this?’ I demanded mentally, I moved myself to the right and saw the car move exactly like I was. I soon realized that the car... was me! “Oh dear lord!” I said to myself, somehow verbally, my voice sounded pretty much exactly like the Ghost Rider’s from the 2007 movie. ‘Must be because of this car’s connection to the Devil or even Satan’ I thought, I turned myself around and saw other cars in displaced parking jobs, like the parking was done by a toddler. Each one was a horror/killer movie car, just like the ones my friends had. “Looks like I won’t have to worry too much about my friends.” I said to myself, I waited for what seemed like hours, just wondering if my hunch was correct or not.

When I was about to give up, one of the cars, Christine moaned in annoyance of waking up. “Ugh... where am I?” She asked immediately, I wondered if she would recognize me so I stayed as still as possible, not trying to move a bolt or wheel. “Wait a minute, why is The Car in front of me? I swear, if someone kidnapped us and our cars, I’m going to shove my boot right up their posteriors!” I was shocked that she would be that ticked, but then I recalled the other times she got angry, those were where she did far worse than that... then again, I wondered how she managed to get away with it. She then noticed herself in the exact same manner as I had, trying to figure out how to move herself, going to the water in the lake and finding out she could speak verbally. “This is... actually not as bad as I thought.” Her voice was no different than when she was human, in fact I also wondered if the original Christine from the movie would sound like that if she could speak like that. “Wait a minute... if I was sent here as Christine... then that means...” She turned and looked me dead in the headlights. “Hey, John, are you in there?” She asked shyly, I contemplated whether or not to answer, seeing as my voice was completely different from the original. Eventually, I mustered all the courage that I could and responded after 5 minutes of silence.

“Yes... It’s me Christine.” I said, Christine reversed a few feet in surprise of my new vocal sound but she still rolled closer in curiosity. “I... I didn’t know this would happen.” She said, sounding extremely sad. “Listen, it’s alright, none of us would think of this happening at all okay? I don’t blame anyone in our group, not even myself of being at fault of getting us into this mess. We’ll get through this, whether anyone wants us to or not, understand?” I stated to her, she sighed. “Alright, let’s go wake the others.” I sounded my agreement and soon everyone else woke, thanks to my horn and Christine’s. Jack’s first instinct was to do donuts for 3 minutes flat, Mac panicked and rammed himself into a tree, snapping it in half in the process. Donald revved his engine loudly, blaring his siren full volume, waking everyone else up. Fred roared his engine just as loudly and backed away several feet, Gordon blared his horn and rammed into another tree like Mac did! Lucy was the only one who woke slowly and calmly; she always was a heavy sleeper. Once they all calmed down, we tested out our new abilities, I was just as indestructible as the movie suggested, I could jump several feet into the air and I could roll just like the movie. Christine could regenerate, Mac, Gordon, Fred and Jack all could hit something head on and be perfectly fine, Donald could repair any of the ones who received any damage from other sources, which I found ironic, considering everything the Ambulance did was related to murder. Finally, Lucy had regeneration, could jump several feet into the air and hit something and be just fine. We also found out that we could look in multiple directions, but not in the way one would think. It’s... hard to describe, it’s like you’re in a room filled with monitors and nothing else, when we wanted to look in another direction, we’d instantly switch to another screen, or camera, or whatever one calls it! Soon after getting comfortable with ourselves, we wondered exactly as to where we were, thus we all got used to driving ourselves and set off in the direction that we found to be best suited for civilization.

Once we drove for a little while, we saw something on the side of a mountain that was being obscured by the trees before. Once it cleared up completely, we saw something that shocked us to our motor-cores. It was none other than Canterlot from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. When I first saw the show, I was not sure as to what I thought of it, I was somehow hooked onto it without reason. Here’s the problem; I didn’t hate the show, but I also didn’t enjoy it, thus it confused me as to why I bothered watching it at all. Regardless, I was still shocked seeing it at all, I knew that it was an impossibility for us to be here, but then again, we were turned into horror movie cars that drive themselves, so we’ve already crossed the line of absurdity! Getting over my shock, I also noticed we had come during the Canterlot Wedding, how do I know this? Well, most obvious piece of evidence is the massive pink shield that was currently surrounding the city in its entirety. However, I could also make out small black dots all around it from the top to its bottom-most parts. I realized that the Changelings were already beginning their assault! I quickly turned to the others, panic filling my voice. “We have to get over there, now!” I spun on my tires and put the pedal to the metal as I heard my engine roar with custom American-made Muscle as I picked up speed and tore my way towards the city on the mountain, the others following close behind me.

For how long it took us to get there, I don’t know, but we weren’t about to let Canterlot fall! We tore through fields, pathways, randomized villages, other forests, even smashing right through a barricade meant to stop trains from going right into Canterlot because of the wedding. Thankfully, no ponies were injured during our rush to Canterlot, once we had arrived, we saw the shield was still intact, the ‘dots’ I had seen earlier were not dots at all. I saw them far more clearly now, what I was seeing was difficult for me to picture, even to this day. It was in the general shape of a pony, but they were all colored pure charcoal black, had pure cyan blue eyes with no visible pupils as well as almost invisible blue insectoid wings, within their legs I managed to make out small holes that went all the way through to the other end. I instantly recognized them as the Changelings, only furthering my panic. “Hey, John, why are we doing this anyway?” Jack asked, if I could have rolled my eyes, I would have at that instance. “It’s the right thing to do Jack, besides, I’d rather get on the good side of the ponies, rather than be hated like our true counterparts in our movies!” I retorted, not caring how harsh I sounded. Soon, we were upon the gates of the city when the Changelings started pounding relentlessly on the shield surrounding Canterlot, with each hit, cracks began to appear all over the stupid thing. “Once the shield is down, we go inside and assist the ponies in whichever way possible, understand?” I asked, they all agreed and waited patiently. A few minutes later, one final assault from the Changelings later, the shield finally disintegrated, the Changelings immediately rushed into the defenseless city. “NOW!” I shouted as I put the pedal to the metal once more, my engine roaring loudly and my tires squealing as I tore my way into the city, surprisingly, the gate had been left open. ‘Saves us a forced entry.’ I thought as I darted through the streets towards where no doubt the Elements of Harmony were.

After a few minutes of pure running Changelings over, I found the Mane 6 all surrounded by Changelings, all hope was lost for them, they were completely out of energy. Just as the Changelings were about to pounce on them, I sped toward the entire swarm of changelings, several of them staining my bumper with their sickly green blood. I didn’t kill any of them though; I just severely injured them enough for incapacitation. I opened my passenger side door right next to the Elements of Harmony, who were scared breathless, saying; “Get inside and I’ll get you out of here, come on!” Applejack was the one to make the first move, darting inside seeing as though her life depended on it! Next were Rarity then Pinkie Pie then Rainbow Dash then Twilight and finally Fluttershy. Twilight and Rarity took up the front while the rest went in the backseat. “Now, hang on.” I stated as I did a burnout and got out of there as quickly as I could, blaring my horn in The Car’s fashion. We tore through the streets as fast as we could, knocking over Changelings and various objects, of which included fruit stands, lamp posts, overturned carriages and even an abandoned building, causing it to collapse! Twilight noticed that we were headed towards the main Canterlot building instead of the Elements tower. “Hey! Turn around; the Elements tower is that way!” She pointed out as she pointed at the tower with her hoof. “You have to trust me when I say that you don’t need them. We have this covered.” I assured them, to which I got several looks of confusion. “We?” They looked out my Driver side windows and saw Christine driving right beside me; she had joined me after she had saved a family that had been cornered by Changelings.

“What are you anyway?” Rainbow demanded as she tapped her hoof on my dashboard. “To be exact, I am a 1971 Lincon Continental, custom modified to look just like The Car from the 1977 movie. You may call me by either The Car or John, your choice.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Well, quite frankly, I prefer to call you by John than ‘The Car’, it sounds far better.” She said, sounding rather disgusted with the name of ‘The Car’, seriously though, couldn’t they come up with a better name for the movie? “We’ll be upon the Changeling queen soon.” I stated, beginning to slow down. “You can’t seriously be thinking of going up against her are you?” Fluttershy demanded as I opened both my doors. “To be frank, yes, since I came into this world, I have proven to be just like the car in every way, I am quite literally indestructible, I can actually jump and I can make myself do a rolling attack for extra damage. Since I have all these things, I can’t lose. Now, please exit me and if you wish to watch, please do it from a safe distance.” I ordered as they exited me and I slammed both doors shut. “Believe me; I can’t be harmed at all!” I put the pedal to the floor as I flew down the streets like a madman, I climbed the steps up to the castle with little issue and came upon the Changeling Queen herself; none other than Queen Chrysalis!

She was very different from her other Changelings, she was just as tall, if not, taller than Celestia herself! Her head actually had hair, it was riddled with holes at its longest point, and the holes were most prominent on her legs, all the way through, just like the drones. Her eyes were a sickly green with a second iris that was a deep Cyan, almost anyway, it was darker than that, but the tint was all wrong. Instead of a pupil, she had a single thin slit for which light could enter, it made kids think of her as menacing, but it made her look like something that belonged to a cat or something. Her torso was wrapped in what I could only assume to be neon green colored bandages, as though they were a part of her chitin. Her wings had far less holes than the typical Changeling and they were larger and more powerful. When she saw me, she looked on at me in curiosity, then annoyance. “What in the world is this thing?” She asked to herself as she circled me, her eyes filled with curiosity. I also thought at the time that this would be an awesome time for me to reenact the scene from the movie. Once she came around to the driver side right next to my grill, I lowered the driver side window just enough to get her attention. Once she got close enough to the door, I opened it myself and she fell right for it, she put her hoof right into the crack between the door and the body and pushed it open slowly, before she could open it enough to get inside me, I swung the door and cracked her right in the snout!

I swiftly closed the door tightly and locked both sets of doors, Chrysalis bolted upright and turned towards me, her eyes filled with anger. “I will melt you down into scrap iron!” She screamed at me, she flew towards my side as I pulled away and let her fly right by me without any part of her hitting me at all. Once she had flown right by me, I swung my nose around and drove straight for her, blaring my horn. She gaped in surprise before she flew upwards, making me avoid her entirely and I swung around, not letting up. She charged magic in her horn and fired at me, but I let it hit, just as I expected, it didn’t do a lick of damage at all! “W-what?!” Chrysalis demanded, confused and shocked at her magic not even doing anything! I would have smirked if I had a mouth. “That tickled, you know, not only am I fast and intelligent, I am completely invincible!” I boasted, feeling victory was close at hand, but Chrysalis smirked. “Yet you cannot fly you insect!” I scoffed. “Nobody’s perfect.” I then backed away for several meters to the point where there was a half mile between me and Chrysalis. “What are you doing?!” She demanded as I reached the 1/2 mile mark. “Get ready for something that shouldn’t be possible!” I yelled back as I did a burnout and sped directly for her, my engine was pushed to it’s absolute limits as I prepared to jump, my suspension was creaking dangerously loud as I forced myself lower to the ground, prepared to have the suspension make me jump high, literally just as I was about to fly right under Chrysalis, I let the suspension release and I launched over 10 feet into the air and sailed straight for Chrysalis, who just looked ready to wet herself. Just before she hit my bumper, she gave one final last-ditch defiant; “NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” As I blared my horn as loud as it could go. ‘HOOOONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK’ Then she collided full on with my front bumper as I sailed through the air for several more feet before I collided with the ground and carried Chrysalis, who was still stuck to my bumper, for a few seconds before I collided with the wall, crushing Chrysalis between myself and the wall. I backed up to survey the damage and saw the wall collapse right on top of Chrysalis. Once I cleared the debris, I saw a clear sight of an extremely beat-up, and by all means nearly mutilated, Chrysalis, her chitin armor was in shambles, her left eye was swollen shut, she was bleeding profusely and she looked like she was going to pass out from the pain. I slowly rolled right next to her head so she could hear me clearly. “Believe me when I say this; if you ever assault any kind of pony or get one of your drones to do it, I will personally hunt you... I will find you... and I will... kill you. You’re lucky I didn’t kill you, now call upon your drones to get your wounded out of Canterlot and back to where you came from!” I stated harshly. Chrysalis nodded and closed her eyes in concentration; soon I saw several changelings of varying injuries picking up their fallen leader and carry her of to who knew where. As I saw the rest of the changelings follow her, I sighed, knowing I just changed the course of Pony history forever, for better or worse, it was an uncomfortable feeling. I wasn’t certain as to what would happen next, but however this was going to go, I would handle it as best as possible, I was certain of it! But for now, I would rest.