Unicorn Interpreters work as translators and voices for unicorns on Earth. Only Virgins can understand them it turns out. That part doesn't bother me. But I'm not so sure I'm cut out for...everything else.
A Unicorn Interpreter should have a certain set of criteria. They should be accommodating, professional, and flexible enough to handle whatever jobs get thrown their way.
Also you have to be a virgin. That's very important.
And for certain folks, that part is the least you have to worry about.
Apparently, the unicorn who had hired me as her interpreter was kind of a “big deal”, even if she wasn’t a diplomat or royalty like most unicorns in the early days were. She didn’t pop over to Earth as much as the other business types I’d seen around the city, but when she did it was a big affair. She did her work and dealt with clients and fellow businesses most days, but she absolutely loved to take in the sights, shopping, etc. As a member of the pony social elite she needed an interpreter. And nowadays a job like that fell to someone like me.
The official title was Unicorn Interpreter, but most anybody seen side by side with a unicorn got a few knowing glances. Not in professional settings (most of the time), but out among the common populace it was kind of a mixed bag being known as a Professional Virgin.
It didn’t bother me any, but she seemed rather worried when she thought I might be the butt of some bad joke. She seemed convinced I was putting up a tough front. Sometimes it was hard to tell what parts of her personality were purely her and which parts came from the fact of being a unicorn. Were all ponies this empathetic or was I hired to interpret for the world’s most sentimental businessmare?
She came to Earth a few years after the whole thing got started, and once all the politics and such were settled, she was eager to get things moving on her end. The instructors in charge of the whole “virgin school” program you went through to be a licensed interpreter saw my application and offered to put me among the candidates. Back when mostly notable unicorns were coming over and they needed interpreters that could be trusted. In reality they just needed the virgins least likely to embarrass them in any way. It was very early on, before it became more of an independent job based on contracts and such. It was more of a “Hey this V.I.U. needs an interpreter and you need to pass a screening process to make sure you aren’t a crazy person and/or a threat to diplomacy between our worlds” kind of thing.
Meeting her in person for the first time was a bit intimidating at first.
I had been lead through a very classy hotel lobby to their very classy restaurant where I’d never thought I’d be able to even set foot in a million years. I wore some nice clothes, like I would’ve for any job interview, but I felt undeniably under dressed. I didn’t come from money and no job I’d had up until that point wouldn’t made enough to buy the kind of clothes anybody else at the hotel was wearing. Even the guy leading me in was wearing such a nice tailored suit I felt shoddy by comparison.
I was understandably nervous. I had skipped breakfast so lunch couldn’t come soon enough. I wasn’t sure how professional meals were supposed to be handled so I was trying to be on my best behavior. A few other unicorns were there, eating and chatting with unicorns and virgins alike. I didn’t spot her right away but the Maître d’ was talking with the guy who’d driven me there. I hoped we were on time and I hadn’t kept her waiting.
“Please, follow me miss. I’ll take you to your table.” He said with a smile and a fancy mustache. He did a very good job of putting me at ease and suddenly I felt a little less out of my element. He led me through a line of tables and we finally stopped at one near the window with the view, and there she was.
She looked a lot like her picture, save for a different outfit. She was dressed to the nines, a modified double-breasted suit dress type thing I wouldn’t even begin to know how to put together, red with a square neckline. A beautiful necklace with matching earrings (I wasn’t sure of them gem but they matched her eyes?) and a weird but lovely red hat/wrap thing with chiffon (or maybe tulle? I wasn’t sure of the difference.) bits on it. She looked up from a planner and smiled.
“Miss Harper! Oh, I’m so delighted to meet you finally.” She wore a bright smile and her voice was very posh and proper. She motioned to the other chair. “Please, sit.”
And I did, suddenly grateful that the table she picked was against the wall. Had she gotten one out in the open I would’ve felt exposed and nervous. Well, more nervous. My stomach was already in knots.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Miss Rarity.” I said, spreading the cloth napkin on my lap and doing my best at making eye contact. This was a high-profile gig, and I didn’t need her thinking I was some hopeless newbie who couldn’t handle the demands of the job.
“Can I start the ladies out with something to drink?” he asked, I was sure he didn’t usually wait the tables. Must come out for important guests he wanted to handle himself.
She motioned to me to order first. I fumbled, not knowing what I wanted or what they served.
“Um, just ice water for me please.” I would’ve ordered a soda had it seemed even the slightest bit appropriate.
“I’ll have a glass of carrot juice, or orange if you’re out. And bring us something light to nibble on if you’d be so kind, Monsieur.”
There was a pause. They were both looking at me.
…Oh! Oh, crap that’s me!
I repeated her order, word for word, recalling my classes. He jotted it down, giving his assurance he’d be back shortly.
“Well done! You passed the first test, my dear.” She clapped her hooves together, seeming quite pleased. “Granted, it was the only test. You were a teensy bit late on your cue but you picked up quite fast. Not bad at all!”
“Oh, thank you Miss Rarity.” I smiled back, hoping my nerves weren’t showing. “It won’t happen again.”
“Oh don’t be so stiff, dear. We’re working on this together.” She smoothed out the table cloth on her side. “I hope you don’t mind my ordering an appetizer. I’ve been out and about all morning and your file didn’t say anything about food allergies.”
“It’s fine.” I waved it off. “No food-related stuff to worry about for me. And I’m a bit hungry too.”
An understatement. I thought.
“To be honest, I was hoping to order a mimosa but I wasn’t sure about your thoughts on alcohol.” She looked a little embarrassed at that. “I made that mistake on my first interview, she was a recovering alcoholic and I didn’t find out until after we were done. I felt so awful for going on about how yummy it was!”
“That must’ve been rough.” I said before realizing how unprofessional it sounded. “Uh, I’m okay with it. I’m a bit of a lightweight though so I’d probably pass on it myself. At least not if I was gonna be driving.”
She chuckled a little, her horn lighting up. She flipped through some pages in her planner.
“So, Miss Harper. You were marked as a very likely candidate for my interpreter.” She was still kind, but her voice was a little more business-like. “Do you know why that is?”
“Because…you needed someone more…accessible? I think that was the word they used. They see me as very young and malleable, easy to influence and less likely to cause any trouble as your interpreter.” I tried to recall my teacher’s notes on me. “And you said you’d prefer a girl, if possible. I remember that.”
“Well, yes. But the thing that struck me as interesting was your original survey.”
I’d filled that out over a year ago, and for the life of me I couldn’t remember the questions on it.
“Dana Harper, age 23, female-yes all well and good. But this question here. “How long would you be willing to remain a virgin in order to maintain the position of an interpreter?” Do you remember what you wrote, dear?”
It was coming back to me, unfortunately.
“Uh…Something along the lines of…a long time?”
“Close.” She laughed. “Your words were, in fact: Forever, if I can help it.”
It was so informal in the first few rounds of admissions. I filled out things only half-believing I’d make it past the first round of questions. I must’ve turned as red as her dress.
“No need to be embarrassed dear!” she soothed, looking over my shoulder. “Oh but, do pull yourself together. The Maître d’ is on his way back.”
He was indeed. I calmed myself down and we took our drinks and one menu (I noticed), as well as “Toast with pea and asparagus puree”, which looked and tasted a lot better than it sounded. Little wedges of warm, crispy baguette with yummy green stuff and parmesan. Vegetarian, I also noticed (to no surprise). But I was seriously excited for lunch now.
He left us to decide on lunch and the mood got awkward again.
“As I was saying. I was interested after I saw that. For various reasons, but some…slightly selfish ones too, if you’ll indulge me for a moment.”
I nodded, wondering where this was going.
“My main business and personal obligations are back in Equestria. I don’t have the means to set up a more permanent holding on Earth, though it wasn’t impossible, mind you. My interpreter’s services would be much less frequently needed than some business ventures I’ve seen popping up here and there. But having somepony I can rely on is crucial. My visits to Earth would be twice a month for a three-day stretch. The weekends preferably but if things changed you’d know before then. If I needed to travel I’d need you by my side, but those occasions would be rare.”
“I need somepony around who can keep up and be professional yes, but when it comes down to it I need them to be dependable to be there the next time I come to Earth. And I don’t want to get in the way of…love or parenthood or any of those things for my own desires, nor do I want to suddenly lose somepony I need to be there because they sorted out their priorities, so to speak. And even the clergy and such here are only allowed to stay on a few years at a time!” She seemed very honest, but also frustrated.
“I’ve been told that unicorns and their interpreters can become very close. And the thought of saying goodbye to a dear friend every few years…to never be able to directly speak to them again afterwards…I could do it if need be but it sounds just dreadful! And keeping things strictly professional is doable too but it feels the same. Like we’d be two acquaintances just waiting out a clock…”
She seemed genuinely sad, like she might start crying if I thought she wouldn’t want her mascara running.
“Everypony I’ve talked to says the same thing. It’s just the way things are. And I was ready to take these circumstances like a grown mare. Then…I saw your file.”
She took a deep breath, looking me dead in the eye.
“I must ask dear…I can’t demand so much time of somepony who would have wishes to get married or have foals of their own. It would be too cruel. So, when I saw your file I thought you might be…just who I was looking for. If you were serious, that is.”
I let her words sink in. She was not the proper businesswoman I’d thought I’d be so intimidated by this morning. This was not someone who’d keep her distance and keep me on my toes, or use me like I was only a voice.
She was looking for an interpreter, but also a companion.
“I was serious.” I nodded, not quite as embarrassed as before.
‘Oh. Oh, that’s wonderful!” she laughed, her big blue eyes just brimming with tears, happy ones I’d hope. Her horn lit up and she dabbed at them daintily with what looked to be a silk hankie, embroidered with three diamonds. “But…You’re sure? I’d understand if you weren’t sure but-“
“No, I’m definitely sure.” I laughed under my breath. “Once I heard about what an Interpreter was I knew it was something I could do with no problems, at least not the usual problems they taught us at Virgin School.”
“Oh, they don’t really call it that, do they?”
“No, just a stupid nickname.” I laughed. I thought back to my time before I even considered this job. My career options were always...limited. My grades were never the best back in school and the thought of trying to bumble my way through college was genuinely frightening, not to mention too expensive. Office jobs never lasted long because I caved under the pressure and it was easier to replace me than wait for me to figure out what was wrong. Retail and food service had treated me well over the years and I respected the people who could make long and steady careers out of them but I wasn’t one of them.
“I’m not really sure I could do anything other than this right now. “ I laughed, staring at the floor.
“Oh I’m sure that’s not the case, darling!” she tried to comfort me, her hoof on my arm.
“No, it’s true. I just do whatever I can to put food on the table, to help out my mom. And I’m never gonna be able to do kids of my own, or a spouse. Or…anything like that.”
“Anything?” She seemed to debate this next part, chewing her lip. “Might I ask why?”
I paused. My circumstances weren’t a secret by any means but I didn’t wear them like a badge either. There were a lot of people who just didn’t understand, who couldn’t wrap their heads around it or flat out didn’t believe me. Or worse, the ones who thought I just needed to be “fixed”. It took my own mom years to fully come to terms with it.
Maybe a pony would understand. I thought to myself. Who knows? Worst case scenario I don’t get the job and I’m right back where I was yesterday.
“Well, Miss Rarity…I really just never wanted any of those things. At least…the things that they entail. I might adopt when I’m older, but kids of my own or a partner…they’d be unlikely. Impossible maybe? Either way, nothing that would get in the way of this job.”
“I’m not sure I follow, dear.” She blinked, taking a sip of her carrot juice. I must have unconsciously made a face because she jumped back into the conversation. “I believe you, of course! I’m…just a little lost.”
I was gonna have to say it, I supposed. I sighed, leaning a bit to not have to be as loud over the conversations of the other patrons.
“I don’t…enjoy the thought of…more intimate relations. With anyone. Ever.”
She blinked again, her face slowly turning into one of dawning understanding.
“Oh! Oh, that makes much more sense!” she smiled, before getting to the usual questions that came with this admission. “Oh but, given that we’re speaking I can assume-What I mean is how…do you know? If you’ve never…”
“Trust me. This isn’t something I’m unsure about. And before you ask, no. Nothing bad happened to me to make me this way. I’m just…not interested. And if I ever got into a relationship, it would have to be with someone who understood that. Or, someone else like me? I guess? But it’s not something I need to be happy. I’m fine just the way things are.”
She sat there, taking in all the new information.
“Well then, your file did not mislead! You are exactly the type of interpreter I was looking for.” She smiled wide, levitating another appetizer and taking small, delicate bites. “Here’s hoping you are sufficiently qualified for the rest of the job description. Though, I think you’ll do just fine.”
She understood. She didn’t think I was strange or naïve or…broken.
This might just work out after all.
“With all that settled, would you mind reading me the specials? It’s a pony-friendly version of the menu so don’t worry about looking out for meat.”
The rest of the meal was much less eventful. We mostly made small talk and enjoyed each other’s company. She seemed to warm up to me pretty easily. I wondered if this was her personality at play or a pony thing I’d yet to experience. After a really good pasta dish (with what might have been the best garlic bread I’d ever eaten) and a very fancy salad for her, she excused herself from the table and trotted over to the man who had driven me to the hotel. She floated a note to him and he handed her a manila envelope. She carried it back to the table with her in her magic, an extra bounce in her step.
“These are the legalities you’ll have to look over on your own, but if everything looks to your liking we’ll be in business before you know it!” she beamed.
She wasn’t even trying to keep me on my toes about it. She seemed ready, willing and eager to have a steady interpreter in her employ ASAP. I wondered just how long she’d been looking?
To be completely honest, I went into that interview thinking I wouldn’t get the job. The only qualifications I held were my graduation of the needed schooling and my literal virginity. I wasn’t the public-speaking type, I’d never worked around big businesses before, nor had I ever worked a job where I was really depended on. Most jobs I’d worked were ones where if I failed, I was very easily replaceable. I knew next to nothing about fashion (that wasn’t a requirement, it just helped a little sometimes) and my presentation and behavior would now reflect upon my employer in a way I’d never experienced. Humans and unicorns alike knew Rarity and had expectations from her, and to a much lesser extent, from me.
In her world I was always going to stick out like a sore thumb, I suspected, but I was hoping this whole deal wasn’t going to put me through the ringer to badly.
I jumped awake to Rarity’s ringtone, my bedhead out of control like always and drool on my pillow. She wasn’t supposed to be back in town for another week. I squinted at the blinding light coming from my phone, looking to my window to see it was still pitch black out.
“Blurgh…Wh-…What time…”
It was three in the goddamn morning.
“Mn…Hello? Is every…everything…are you okay Boss?”
There was the usual delay between here and Equestria, so I knew she wasn’t here yet.
“Oh my stars! Did I wake you Dana? The time difference is still a bit much for me but I’m completely swamped and I needed to call you as soon as I could!”
“…S’alright.”
“Fantastic news, darling! The Vincenzo Mancini is introducing his newest corporate venture at a very important get-together and yours truly managed to finally get a spot on the guest list! I’m going to have to make some good first impressions if I’m ever going to get to those certain business proposals we were discussing during our last meeting if you recall.”
I rolled onto my side, my eyes still shut and my phone held up to my ear with what strength I could muster.
“Sounds cool…hope ya have fun…” I curled into a ball and snuggled into my pillow.
“No dear, you will be attending as well.” She sighed, her voice a little flatter than usual. “It is why I hired you, if you recall.”
“Oh…right right rightright…cool cool cool.” I yawned, trying my best to pay attention. “…S’when?”
“That’s the reason I’m calling now, dear. The most important soiree is tomorrow! Very last-minute but these things can’t be helped. We’ll need to get everything prepared! And you fall into the category of everything. I’ll be on Earth in about three hours so be ready to go in four. À tout a l’heure!”
She hung up. I dropped my phone off the edge of my bed and groaned into my pillow, cursing her for making me get up that early on a Saturday.
Rarity had been very insistent about me wearing whatever made me comfortable whenever we weren’t in any important meetings. She believed in “dressing to impress” as she would call it, but when it was just the two of us and there was no pressure to perform she wanted her employee to be at ease and working with their own, personal style.
That being said, I was encouraged to buy some new sneakers. Some of the places we’d been to did not appreciate folks with dirty shoes. And I’d thrown out all my old jeans with the holes in them. Not the fashionable kind of holes but ones in the thighs from long-term wear and tear. And for once in my life I was wearing matching socks on a daily basis and not just the first two I could find.
I knew we’d probably be running around all day to get ready for this Vincenzo guy’s party so I dressed pretty comfy with shoes I wouldn’t regret walking in tomorrow.
“Oh look at you! I knew you would look lovely in a dress! Navy with white polka dots, simple yet stunning.” She waved me into her rental car and I told the driver our first destination. “And I must compliment your choice in sunglasses, round frames are in this season! And very appropriate shoes, we’ll be on our hooves, and feet, for the better part of today.”
“Thought that might be the case.” I nodded, putting my purse by my feet.
And she wasn’t saying anything, but I knew she had some strong feelings about my jacket. Army green, with cool patches I’d collected over the years and just slightly worn out, a size or two too big for me. High fashion-wise, it didn’t really go with anything. But for me, it went with everything. I wore it most days and to her credit, she was keeping her word about letting me wear whatever. But given the chance I knew she would burn it along with all of my favorite ugly knit sweaters.
It seemed we were going to what was still a fancy business party, but a party nonetheless. Rarity was to bring a gift. I wasn’t technically a guest so I wasn’t expected to bring anything, but I had been put in the headcount so I would be getting cake. Good news to start a great day.
“I’m going to see if they’ve got my order wrapped up to go yet. And we are a bit early so don’t make me sound impatient, please.”
We were in a very fancy store in the uptown shopping district, the glass counter had all sorts of shiny doo-dads for the wealthy types. Necktie clips and wallets that probably cost double my rent, and any piece in the jewelry section was so expensive I didn’t even want to look at it the wrong way.
So much decadence honestly made me a little ill. Not in a “wow people actually pay this much for stuff, what a bunch of tools” kind of way. I grew up in a single-parent, single-income house and I never had any kind of luxuries like these, not even close. I would never think to spend this much money, even if I had it.
“Excuse me sir, my name is Rarity, I believe I have an order to pick up?”
I translated and the clerk checked an open ledger on the counter.
“Of course, Miss Rarity. We have it ready to go in the back. If you’re not in any rush, our jeweler is actually in today and he was hoping to meet you and talk about your piece.”
“Oh I’d be delighted! If you’d bring him back with you I’d be happy to spare a moment.”
As we waited, Rarity really did seem anxious to see this guy. From what I’d seen, and translated, she really got on well with other creative types. Talking shop, for me, could get a little intimidating. It was an entire conversation of me just repeating words and not really understanding what they meant. Like reciting a medical textbook.
“Ah! Miss Rarity, so thrilled to meet you!” the guy who must’ve been the jeweler came up to her and shook her offered hoof. He also went in for a handshake with me, I guess to be polite.
“You must be her interpreter. I’m Randal Bishop. Very nice to meet you.”
“Oh uh…” I looked to Rarity, not wanting to be rude to the guy but I was technically on the clock. She smiled and waved her hoof, giving me the go-ahead.
“Nice to meet you too. I’m Dana. Dana Harper.”
“Well, I must say Miss Rarity I was very pleased to finally get to work with authentic Equestrian gems for this piece. It was a bit different from what I’m used to but I appreciate a challenge every now and then.”
“Oh, I’m just so glad you met the deadline, Mr. Bishop. I know you’re a very busy man and it means a lot to me that you met all my requirements.” She said and I repeated.
“Now miss, how can you say that when you haven’t even laid eyes on them yet?” he chuckled, grabbing a small black box with the store’s logo on the top from the counter. “Though not to be presumptuous but I’m fairly certain you’ll be pleased with my work.”
He opened it to reveal a pair of silver cufflinks, with gemstones in the centers cut into a familiar-looking logo. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
“Oooh!” She squealed, shifting on her hooves. “They’re absolutely perfect! Thank you so very much Mr. Bishop!”
I relayed her thanks, and she collected her gift and we headed back to the car.
“Next stop, Celestine’s!”
“That fancy clothes shop downtown?” I asked, giving the driver our next destination. “I didn’t know they sold unicorn stuff.”
“Oh, they don’t.” she giggled. “I made a dress for this party months ago just in case I got an invitation. You’ll need to be looking your best too!”
I spoke too soon about this being a great day.
After what seemed like hours of being poked and prodded (and listening to the seamstress tutt about my lack of curves), I had a dress for the occasion. I wanted to convince Rarity to let me wear the suit she’d had made for me when I first started, but this was one of those things I would just have to be a big girl about. This was an important party for her. I suspected she did it just to see how I looked in a dress with bare shoulders. The freckles were probably a surprise.
She finally settled on something strapless, off-white (I’m told its seashell?) with a grey belt of fabric at the waist and a sweetheart neckline. It ended at my knees but the hemline was longer in the back. I thought I looked a bit too much like a bridesmaid in it but I wasn’t the fashion expert here. A new pair of shoes would be needed, I didn’t have any nice ones that went with white. Rarity insisted on getting me a clutch too so I could bring my Virgin Card and other things to the party without lugging a purse around all night.
We stopped for lunch after all the shopping and I was starving. It was extremely taboo to eat meat in a meal with your employer, they drilled that into our heads back at Virgin School pretty hard. Rarity said she didn’t mind but I was kind of inclined to side with my education on this one. I did sometimes settle on seafood stuff, as unicorns didn’t seem to mind that as much. That day we settled on a little restaurant that unicorns were known to flock to for its famous dessert menu. Ponies and sweets were a whole thing. They couldn’t get enough.
A lot of restaurants these days had special unicorn-friendly menus, like the hotel where we first met. Anywhere corporate-owned it wasn’t uncommon to find a sudden boom in vegetarian and vegan options. And artificial sweeteners were all but phased out from some places, apparently to unicorns they tasted pretty bad. I had never been a fan either.
“So, how is your mother? The last we spoke you said she was working very hard.” She asked, nibbling at her side of coffee cake.
“She’s good, I told her she could take it a little easier at work since I’ve got better income lately but she wouldn’t listen.” I sighed. My mother was so stubborn sometimes.
“That’s right, you said you helped her out financially.” I took another bite of my seafood paella. I never ate better before I started working for Rarity. I still ate cheap stuff at home but her visits were becoming the culinary highlight of my month.
“I think she’s gonna stop taking the money soon.” I sighed, stabbing my fork into a shrimp. “She keeps hinting at a promotion and hinting even harder about me buying a house and moving out of my apartment.”
“I’m sure she’s just thinking about the future. It’s wonderful you contribute to your family’s finances but sooner or later things will be in better shape than they have been and you won’t have to worry so much.”
“My sister gets really good grades. And she wants to be a doctor like Mom. Well, Mom’s a CMN but you get the point. She’s gonna be off to college before we know it and then medical school! It ain’t gonna be cheap…”
“I’m sure everything will work out, dear. Is your family in good spirits otherwise?”
“Yeah. Lucy started her sophomore year a while back and she’s on the volleyball team. I saw one of her games a couple weeks back and she’s super good.” I laughed. “I don’t know where she gets it.”
There was a comfortable silence before Rarity came in with quite the icebreaker.
“I think I’d like to meet them someday.”
I almost choked on my soda. I set the glass down and wiped my mouth on my napkin. “You wanna meet my family?” I asked, a little taken aback.
“Why yes!” she laughed, smoothing out the tablecloth. “I’ve only heard so much about them and they sound like lovely people! I don’t meet humans casually, it would be nice to meet some who I don’t have to worry about any important business deals hanging in the balance.”
I mulled it over, not really seeing the harm. Never had a boss meet my mom and sister before. But I’d never had a boss like Rarity before either.
“I could get us all together for dinner or something. I’ll ask them the next time I call home.”
“Oh splendid!” she tapped her hooves together. “After tomorrow night, my schedule will be back to normal so just let me know and I’ll set the date!”
To “celebrate”, she ordered us some dessert. We both knew she would’ve ordered it anyway but I wasn’t gonna complain. Who could say no to a chocolate mousse in the middle of the day?
This Vincenzo guy rented out the biggest hotel ballroom in the city and it was packed. Like, no wonder Rarity was nervous about not getting an invite. There were ponies here too, maybe about twenty of them, not including Rarity.
My hair was too short to really need anything to fix it up but Rarity insisted on getting my nails done. She wanted me to get my makeup done professionally too but I talked her down from a full makeover to just a bit here and there. Wasn’t really my style. Rarity, however, went all out. Hooficure, mane-styling, makeup, a coat-brushing and then she did some kind of spell so that it would all stay exactly how it was the whole night. I was kind of impressed.
Her mane was pulled into a bun in the back with her usual curls up front, save for a very on purpose errant lock that fell ever so casually behind her ear. She had big pale blue jewels for earrings and a thick silver band necklace with three more of them in it, and little white flats on all four hooves.
I’d never seen one of her dresses in person. It was very simple, but very eye-catching. It reminded me of something you’d see on a Greek statue, very draped and flowy, all white with a v-neckline. She said something about busier dresses being out on Earth, but in back home. “Clean lines and simple silhouettes” were her words.
“And remember dear, there are going to be a lot of introductions tonight so don’t worry about getting my permission to speak.” She sipped her glass of champagne. “Besides, this is a party. Don’t not socialize on my account!”
Oh I’m sure these people are just dying to talk to me.
A stocky white-haired man in a tux had spotted her and was making his way over. She smiled, and gave a good-natured sigh.
“Alot of introductions.” She repeated.
“Ah! Miss Rarity! I am delighted to see you here!” taking Rarity’s hoof. He had the bushiest mustache I’d ever seen and it partially obscured his mouth when he spoke.
“Why, if it isn’t Mr. Maxwell! It’s always a pleasure, sir.” She did a little bow, a much more feminine gesture to ponies than human, as I translated.
“The pleasure is all mine! This must be your new Interpreter! Hello, my dear.” He shook my hand too, smiling. “My name is Charles Maxwell, current curator of the National Historic Art Museum. And you are?”
“Oh, I’m Dana Harper. I’m Rarity’s Interpreter.” I winced at the flub. “B-but you knew that already.”
He laughed like I meant to tell a joke and I went with it, this was one jolly man.
“Thank you ever so much for the passes, Charles. My regional manager in Canterlot, Sassy Saddles, has been dying to get a look at your more private showpieces and she was absolutely ecstatic when my office sent them over!”
“Oh, think nothing of it!” There was a woman’s voice nearby and he turned to the crowd. “Ah! You must excuse me ladies, it appears my wife needs me!”
We waved goodbye and I took a deep breath.
“One down.” She chuckled, floating me a glass of champagne. I took it and we clinked glasses, as you do at a fancy party.
After many delightful catching up’s and casual meeting, I told Rarity I had to use the lady’s room. She told me she’d be fine, but I still hurried. The last thing I needed was for her to get approached by a non-virgin and have me nowhere in sight.
I scanned the ballroom, looking for her in the sea of people.
You’d think a unicorn would stand out more. I huffed to myself. I guess that’s just the world we live in now.
I finally spotted her. She was near the refreshments table, chatting with two unicorns, a mare and a stallion.
Oh good, she’s doing just fine. I better get over there though.
I politely shuffled through the people, trying not to bump anyone or spill their glasses or step on any lower hemlines by accident. I heard Rarity’s laughter, though it sounded a teensy bit fake.
“And so, I said to the waiter…” the stallion chuckled, his posh accent most absurd. “Sir, if I owned this restaurant we wouldn’t even serve roasted parsnips!” And they all laughed, though I’m pretty sure that joke wouldn’t have landed even if I’d heard the setup. I stepped closer to Rarity and tried to look professional.
“Oh hello! I’m-“
“Oh my stars.” He groaned. “Human if you must lurk, can you please do it to somepony else? We’re quite busy!”
Oh wow. I certainly wasn’t expecting the first one to snub me here to be a unicorn.
“Now see here, good sir.” Rarity enunciated the last two words, her voice very even. “This is Dana Harper, my new voice. She is not some lurker for you to so rudely dismiss.”
He blinked, his eyes going very wide and finally looking at me. I gave him a somewhat sheepish grin and a small wave. He straightened back up.
“Oh…terribly sorry, miss.” He said, sounding anything but. “I wasn’t aware you were in Miss Rarity’s employ.”
“It’s fi-“
“It really should not matter if she’s my employee or not, Monsieur Pinstripes.” She retorted, stepping to stand in front of me. “It is quite unbecoming of a gentlecolt to speak that way to a lady, no matter their species.”
You could hear some of the guests around us gossiping away at this, having heard the whole thing. The other unicorn suddenly seemed very embarrassed to be in his company. I was both horrified for partially being responsible for that public outburst and laughing really hard on the inside at how indignant this unicorn looked because of Rarity’s sick burn.
“Yes. Quite.” He snorted, and without another word he was walking away. The mare was trying really hard not to laugh and Rarity just huffed in his direction.
“Honestly!” her tail swished in irritation under her dress. “The nerve of some ponies.”
“I’m sorry about my brother’s behavior, Miss Rarity.” The mare wiped her eyes, sighing contentedly. “Pardon my language, but he can be a real pain the plot sometimes. If you hadn’t have stepped in I would’ve thumped him myself.”
“Oh, it wasn’t your fault, Miss Pearl.” She was suddenly very relaxed again. “We certainly can’t pick our families.”
We exchanged some more pleasantries before Rarity excused us and she whisked me away back to the lady’s room. She glanced under the stalls and saw we were alone.
“My goodness Dana!” she sighed, checking me over like I had been physically hurt. “I’m so sorry about that…that arrogant little…”
“I’m fine, really.”
“-that sorry excuse for a-Wait.” My words caught up to her. “You’re fine? You’re okay?”
“Yeah I mean…” I shrugged. “I was kind of expecting something like this to happen. It’s no big deal.”
“Wha-…Dana, why ever would you expect something like that?” she seemed honestly baffled.
“Well, not exactly like that. Can’t say I’ve ever been accused of being a lurker before.” I half-laughed. “And I’m pretty sure that Pinstripes guy was just some jerk, he didn’t actually mean to insult me personally. Not that I‘m not grateful! For you, ya know, defending me and everything.” I shrugged again. “I’m kind of out of place here. I don’t know anybody and I don’t know how to act at a fancy place like this. People say mean stuff when they can tell someone doesn’t fit in. It’s a crappy part of life but…what can you do?”
She gave me a sad look, and I smiled, trying to get her to smile too.
“C’mon Boss.” I chuckled. “I’m different from other people, I grew up in a small town and went to a public high school. If these rich folks want to get under my skin they’ll have to try a lot harder than that.”
That seemed to get her to give me a somewhat sad smile. I checked my appearance in the mirror and once she assured me nothing was out of place, we headed back to the ballroom where a commotion had started. Looked like the Vincenzo guy was opening some of his gifts.
“Oh! Let’s get a better view!” she bounced on her hooves in excitement. “I want to see his face when he opens mine. I hope we haven’t missed it.”
We very politely made our way closer to the front and I finally got a look at the man of the hour up close. He was super dapper, a very expensive-looking suit and his dark hair with nary a strand out of place. He was laughing with everyone who could hear him. Some of these presents were big and expensive-looking and he was very gracious no matter what he found inside.
Do people usually open their gifts in front of everyone like this? I wondered. Seems a little like a-
“Hold on a second.” My brain was working through things very slowly. “Gifts. Cake…Is this a birthday party?” I whispered to her.
“Of course it is. Did I not mention that?” I shook my head. “From what I understand, Vincenzo Mancini’s birthday parties are the talk of the town! And he’s quite famous, I assumed you knew him.”
I looked at this guy really closely. Italian (Maybe mixed?), dark hair, olive skin, rich...Mancini. Mancini…nope. Wasn’t ringing a bell. The more I watched him he just kind of seemed like a big goof. He was so freaking giddy opening his presents and just talking with everyone.
“Ah, this one is from a Miss Rarity of Equestria.” He smiled, taking the small box in hand and unwrapping the paper. He peeked inside, and his face just lit up.
“Why, very lovely silver cufflinks! And look!” he held one up so the nearest folks could see. “Real Equestrian gems cut into the shape of my logo! How very generous!”
A bunch of folks laughed at that, none harder than the ponies in the room. And then to their surprise and Rarity’s delight, he undid his current pair and put hers on in their place.
I got a closer look at the logo again. It still seemed familiar…
“Wait wait wait…” I whispered again. “Mancini…Mancini…Didn’t his grandfather build like…a bunch of stuff in the city?”
“The very same.” She smiled. “They’re quite the family of philanthropists. His grandfather was best known for funding the creation of Mr. Maxwell’s museum. And his father helped build the best children’s hospital on the east coast, as I understand. Vincenzo has made quite the name for himself with his foundation. Most of his wealth goes to creating schools and hospitals in developing nations. He really is a generous man. I’ve been hoping to see him in person on one of my trips to Earth.” She sighed, looking around the extravagant ballroom. “Tonight is everything I’d hoped.”
Holy crap. I blinked, looking at the guy gushing over his presents. Good on you, guy.
After several more presents, and a stack of cards announcing charitable donations had been made in his name to various organizations he supported, he addressed the room.
“Thank you, everyone. I’m so grateful to be able to share this day with so many wonderful people!” he laughed, raising his glass, and everyone did the same.
“To good friends, old and new. May the bonds we form in life reach into the next.”
There were a few shouts of “Hear, Hear!” from the crowd before a toast and general merriment.
“And without further ado, I say it’s time we cut the cake!”
There was actual cheering. I might have joined in, very subtly.
Rarity and I sat at one of the tables away from the main mingling area, enjoying our slices of cake. Rarity was doing her best to take lady-like bites, but I couldn’t get enough.
“This might be the best cake I’ve ever eaten.” I said between bites, feeling genuinely emotional over a piece of food. “If I die tomorrow…I will have truly lived.”
“Dana, please. Don’t be so melodramatic.” She took another bite, her face reflecting real bliss. Ponies and their sweets.
“Well, earlier stuff aside, did you like the party?” I asked. “You talked to a lot of people and made a lot of business happen.”
“This was exactly what I was hoping for.” She sighed dreamily. “I’ve come a long way from where I was, and my hopes for the future are higher than ever. I can’t wait to get back home and tell everypony about tonight.”
“I was hoping to catch you before you left, actually.”
We both spun around in our chairs to see the man of the hour standing behind us. Rarity’s jaw dropped, the man she admired so much was close enough to get a whiff of his very tasteful cologne. She might’ve actually been frozen in place, poor mare.
“You…wanted to see…me?” she blinked, totally and completely star struck. I repeated her words, hoping she would appreciate me making her sound a bit more casual about it.
“Why yes, of course. I just had to thank you for your lovely gift in person.” He ran his fingers over one of the cufflinks. “Materials from both of our respective worlds coming together to create something so simple, yet so meaningful.” He laughed, looking a little embarrassed. “At least, that was my interpretation. Forgive me for taking some liberties.”
“No, no! That is exactly what I was going for!” she tapped her hooves together, smiling so wide. “I knew you’d appreciate the message!”
“And, to be honest, I came by your table for another reason.” His face got a little more…kindly. “Charles Maxwell, he is a good friend of my family. My grandfather and his father built the National Historic Art Museum together. His wife told him of a rather nasty encounter you had earlier tonight. There were other interpreters around who got the gist of it…” he sighed, looking at the both of us. “And I hope it didn’t spoil your night.”
Rarity looked at me, and I gave her the same smile as earlier.
“It was a bit unpleasant.” She admitted, a warm smile on her face. “But if somepony wants to get under our skin, they’ll have to try a lot harder than that.”
“Well, good to see your both in such high spirits.” He chuckled. “And Ms. Dana Harper, I’m told?” I nodded. “Don’t let this spoil your fun for future get-togethers. Oh! In fact…”
He pulled something from his breast pocket and handed it to Rarity. She took the paper in her magic and opened it up.
“Are…” her eyes went wide, her magic trembling ever-so-slightly. “Are these…”
“Early invitations to my New Year’s get-together. You two find yourself at the top of the list.” He grinned, taking a glass of champagne from a waiter making the rounds. Perfect timing. “Here’s to the both of you having a much better time at my next party. Alla prossima.”
He made a very timely and stylish exit and we sat there, Rarity in awe and myself a little stunned. I weakly waved to him, realizing what a cool dude he was.
“Happy Birthday.” I called after him, suddenly feeling exhausted.
“Very well, I must correct myself.” She grinned, happily tapping the invitation against the table. “Now, tonight is everything I’d hoped.”
