This is the story of how two con artists became the rulers of the world. It all began with a simple bet...
This is the story of how two con artists became the rulers of the world. This is the story of how the virtues of laughter, honesty, kindness, generosity, loyalty and magic were replaced by profit margins, tax evasions, shell companies, bribes, corruption and ambition.
Sweat was dripping down her forehead, barrel and sides. Each of her legs burnt with exhaustion, though her hind legs felt particularly bad. Applejack gulped down a mouthful of air and swallowed down the phlegm. She stopped in front of the tree, turned around in one fluid motion and kicked as hard as she could. She had to clench down her jaw for the jolt of pain that flowed up her legs as the hooves connected. She did not, however clench her eyes. Instead she looked up into the branches to track the falling apples. In a flurry of motions, she had caught most of them and wobbled back towards Granny Smith.
She could not remember working this hard for at least fifteen seasons. Every bone and muscle in her body felt like awash in acid, her sight was blurred and every mouthful of air she breathed seemed like a hundredth of what she could normally breathe.
Big Mac was not in a much better shape, even with Apple Bloom reassigned to help him switch out filled barrels for empty ones. He was frothing and running with his head practically touching the treadmill.
Applejack drew another insufficient breath and got back to her apple trees. She would do her part, she would never give in. Never.
”Just another tree,” she mumbled, though it sounded like a wheeze out of her throat. ”Just one more tree.” She bucked another three, wobbled on her hooves and missed more than half of the apples.
”Clumsy Applejack,” she berated herself. ”This is nothin’ to you. An Apple does not get tired when there is work to be done. Are you an Apple or are you an Apple?” She managed a sidelong glance towards Mayor Mare and the hourglass. While she could not see well for the sweat and mane in her eyes, it did not look like there was much time left.
She purposefully did not see the ironwork monstrosity and the two unicorns controlling it that stood behind the mayor.
”Mayor Mare, are you okay with honorary family members helping out? Since I am responsible for the weather on the farm I kinda work here.” Somepony asked. Applejack knew it must be Rainbow Dash, but the voice seemed so far away. Had her heartbeat always been that loud?
”Well, I… I don’t know,” Mayor Mare said hesitantly. ”Flim? Flam? Would you object to honorary family members helping?”
”Ah, well, Mayor Mare, of course we would not…” one of the smarmy unicorns said.
”…But the competition is between the Apples and us FlimFlam's…” the other one continued.
”…So, for the sake of the integrity of our competition, we will have to insist on it all being kept between the six of us,” the first one finished.
”I… see,” The Mayor said, no doubt disoriented with the fact that the unicorns continued each other’s sentences. ”I’m sorry, Rainbow…”
Just one more tree. Just one more. There was not much left now, she just had to buck one more tree. She would be done after just one more tree now. Her eyes stung with tears just barely held back. Again and again her hooves smacked into the bark, ever time with a little less vigor, until not even her determination could keep her up. She bucked one last tree, shaking down only a few apples, before her forelegs buckled under her and she was sent sprawling on the ground. She choked forth a sob as the dam that had held back the tears finally broke. She could not even muster the power to cover her face with her hat.
A bright ”ding!” sounded somewhere, followed by Mayor Mare’s voice. ”Time is up! Both teams stop producing cider!” Applejack doubted her family needed to be told.
An endless timespan passed as Mayor Mare counted the barrels. Applejack did not bother to get up. After all, she did not need to get up to send her prayers to Celestia.
”Flim and Flam wins!” Mayor Mare called. Applejack slumped forward even more and buried her face in the soft grass as she cried. Sweet Apple Acres grass. Grass that she no longer had the right to. She forced the tears away from her eyes and swallowed her sorrow down into her stomach where it settled into a cold hard knot. She staggered up and went over to the unicorn twins.
They both hugged one another, nodded contently and preformed an intricate hoof bump. ”Congrats, you two,” she mumbled. Every word stung like a whiplash on her tongue. ”You’ve won, fair an’ square.”
”That we have, eh brother of mine?” The shaven one said. His voice was like oil, fat and slippery.
"Indubitably,” his twin answered. ”Now, what do you think about evicting the riffraff so we can have some real progress and profit here?”
Splendid idea brother of mine. And without the Apples here, we’ll need a new name. How about… FlimFlam Fields?"
***** One moon later *****
Filthy Rich stood in his office and chewed on the end of a pencil. He was faintly aware of the irony of his situation. Any time he got the question he always made his collages jealous with the wonderful view from this room. He could see all of Sweet Apple Acres while they only had the neighboring facade to look at. Now, however, the large apple orchards were the root of his worries, and having to watch them made it impossible to concentrate.
It was not exactly the economy he was worried about. Flim and Flam proved to be just as good business partners as the Apples. A small part of Filthy knew that they, from an economic standpoint, actually were even better, as they immediately had sold him fifty barrels of cider for his store, something the Apples had always refused. No, his problem was a creeping feeling of dread.
The Apple family orchard had always been a stable business. Not the most profitable, but always stable. Yet they had lost everything over night. No, not even that, it had just taken an hour. While Filthy knew it was foolish of the Apples to bet their entire farm, it still did not change the fact that they had lost everything. Their homes, their work, their legacy, everything. Merely thinking it sent shivers down his spine.
He turned away from the orchards, where the ironwork monster just appeared, and instead turned to the wall in his office. Three ponies stared back.
Furthest to his left, Stinking Rich looked at him from a full-sized photograph. Filthy could practically feel the frost blue eyes drill into his own. His grandfather would roll in his grave if Filthy lost the family company. Generations of ponies had worked their entire lives to give Filthy this company. He could not be the Rich to loose it; that could not happen.
To his right hung a similar full-sized photo of his wife, Spoiled Rich. She looked happy, even blushing slightly on that photograph. It was from their wedding day, the second happiest day of Filthy’s life. He still loved Spoiled just as much as he had when this photo was taken. As scared as he was of loosing the company from the tradition standpoint, loosing it and not being able to provide for his mare was even worse; it was nigh unbearable.
Then there was the middle picture. This was not a photograph, but an oil painting of his dearest Little Diamond, commissioned on his daughter’s sixth birthday. With that painting, he always had a way to remember the ultimate reason he worked so hard.
His face settled in a firm, if pained, grimace. He knew what he had to do. His wife and daughter as well as his parents and grandparents all trusted him to keep his company running. He had to make sure it did, no matter what.
”Randolph?” Filthy asked. The elderly earth pony poked his head into the office. ”I need you to invite Mr. Stripes over here as soon as possible.”
”The Manehattan real-estate mogul?” Randolph asked. ”I am certain that can be arranged.”
”Perfect,” Filthy said. He hesitated. The butler must have read his mind, because he entered with a glass of Mull McTrot whiskey from 955 already poured up. Filthy nodded his thank and took a measured sip. ”I also need you to contact an old acquaintance…”
”Who?”
”His name is Fading Night… a kidnapper,” Filthy could swear the painting of his grandfather glared at him. He swallowed.
”Ah, I see,” Randolph said as if he had been asked to prepare a pick nick basket. ”I presume there are some further instructions for Mr. Night?”
”Yes,” Filthy mumbled. He drunk the rest of the whisky to buy himself a few more seconds before he had to commit to this plan. ”Plaid Stripes. I need a stronger negotiating position.”
”Naturally,” Randolph said. ”I will see too it.”
Filthy dismissed his butler with a shaky wave of his hoof. ”I had to do something,” he mumbled more to himself than the paintings. He continued in an ever quieter voice. ”Better Mr. Stripes than my family. If something happens to the company… can’t take the risk. Can’t gamble with Diamond's and Spoiled’s futures. Must do something…”
He dared a glance towards the wall. The three most dear ponies in his life towered above him like the judge and the jury. ”I have to. I’m doing this for you. The larger my business becomes the safer it gets.” The court did not seem impressed. ”I promise I will make this a good thing; I will make the houses in Manehattan cheaper,” Filthy promised. ”It will be better for everypony when I own them.”
It may have been the whisky, but Filthy liked to imagine the glares softening ever so slightly.
***** One moon later *****
With a huff Rarity magicked her heavy saddlebags off her back and put them next to the door. She closed her eyes and took a slow breath, just standing there in the doorway. A small smile graced her face as she opened her eyes again. She looked around the empty hall, her lips continuing to curl upwards as she took it all in. Sure, she had seen the exact same thing just a few days earlier, but there was one key difference between now and then.
Now, the apartment was hers.
She reached out with her magic, opened her saddlebags and levitated up the keys. They jingled happily, and as they did, Rarity tittered to herself and tapped her hooves in place as if preparing to run. She could not help it; she was filled to the brim with energy!
Everything had fallen into place! She could hardly believe everything had worked out so well. She had decided to leave Ponyville a while ago. There was nothing for her there, and with Filthy’s Barnyard Bargains holding so low prices she did not know if she could compete. It did not matter though; she wanted to make it in the big city, not sleepy little Ponyville.
Manehattan. Oh, what a beautiful name for the beautiful city where she was going to make her future. This was the city where she would conquer the entire fashion world! They would call her the Neighpoleon of fashion, so bold, dashing and epic would her conquest be! With a spring in her step, Rarity strode past the empty hallway and into the apartment proper.
It was not large, but still much better than expected when she had envisioned her first Manehattan apartment. She opened the door to the bathroom.
It was small and sadly lacked a bathtub, but she would make do with the shower. She already had her toiletries and the most essential makeup packed in the saddlebags. The mirror was not as large as she would have wanted, but she would make do. She nodded happily.
The kitchen too had all the essentials: fridge, some odd plates and silverware, table, a sink and an old mircowave. No dishwasher, but that was no problem. She would wash the dishes herself and save a few bits on water too. The bedroom was the only room she was somewhat displeased with, but it was a small price to pay. It was too small for two separate beds, so she would have to make do with a double instead. It should not be a problem, but she had never slept in the same bed as another pony before, let alone a mare. She was a little nervous. Still, sleeping together with a friend could not be so bad. Especially when it was their pooled savings that made this dream possible. All years she had worked in her boutique came down to this.
She continued into the heart of the apartment, to the room that would make or break her. Two sewing machines stood there. Hers was slightly more modern than the other. There were two pinboards on the wall for sketches and ideas, and some drawers for fabric and other sewing supplies. There was a window too. One could not be inspired without a window.
She stood in the room and simply watched it all. ”This is my home, this is my home, this is my home.” The thought repeated in her mind over and over and over again until she realized her face had bloomed into a full grin once more.
This was the happiest day of Rarity’s life.
”Hello? Are you here?” Somepony called from the door, causing Rarity to startle before she recognized her friend’s voice.
”In here darling!” She called back. ”Just taking it all in!”
Hoofsteps approached and Rarity went to the side so her friend could stand beside her. The other mare came up, stood still for a moment and then broke into a smile just like Rarity had. ”We are really here, aren’t we?” her friend asked.
”We are darling,” Rarity all but danced into the room and placed herself in front of her friend. ”Watch out Manehattan, two new stars have arrived!” She giggled, as did her friend.
”To think I would travel here with you,” her friend said softly. ”The unicorn I met at Ponyville knitter’s league. Who would have thought, back then?”
”I couldn’t be happier,” Rarity said and hugged her friend. ”To think I have such a great friend to conquer the fashion world with.”
”Yea,” Suri Polomare said and hugged back. ”Come on, m’kay! The fashion world isn’t gonna throw itself at our hooves!” The two friends laughed heartily and went to their respective sewing machines. None of them could wait to get started.
***** Three years later *****
FFF’s main office was located in Canterlot, just as any self-respecting company’s. FlimFlamFood’s two CEOs however only rarely visited their headquarters, preferring to let a staff of consultants run the day-to-day needs of their business. Instead, Flim and Flam could be found spurring on their R&D department with the next magitech project or, more often, in one of the many clubs around Equestria.
This evening though, they were not at either of those places. This evening they spent in their luxurious, three-story apartment located in one of the highest buildings in the city that never sept, Manehattan. In particular, one of the two brothers stood and looked out over the bustling city harbor from the window that covered the entire east wall. Water always had a calming effect on him, as had counting the ships that moved in and out.
It was uncommon that he was anxious. He was a pony who thought everything through before he acted and then did not reflect more over what could have been. Anxiety was a waste of his creativity. Still, this evening he was dealing with ponies he did not know, and the venture he and his brother had cooked up was uncertain at best and ruinous at worst.
So Flam was anxious, and then he counted ships. His brother, meanwhile, had other methods for staving of anxiety. Methods that involved doing immoral things with a chocolate colored pegasus mare in the bedroom.
Flam knew that his brother was just as serious about their venture as he was, but it was becoming increasingly hard to believe when the guests would arrive in half an hour and Flim was still (probably) undressed.
Just as Flam decided to go and subtly knock on the bedroom door, said door opened and Flim went out with that kind of careless grace only he could manage. His mane was even more tousled than usual, his breath slightly labored and a thin layer of sweat covered his body. The mare too went out behind him, though she cowered slightly at Flam’s displeased look.
In short, this was not a pony Flam wanted to bring to any occasion save for a bachelor party. ”Say, brother of mine, do you know what time it is?” He asked his brother without taking notice of the other pony.
”Twenty-seven minutes past ten in the evening,” Flim answered casually.
”And do you perhaps recall that we have a small get-together scheduled for tonight?” Flam asked. ”I would very much like it if you could try to look presentable.”
Flim rolled his eyes. ”That is a whole thirty-three minutes away, brother. You know I could look representable in five minutes flat. Besides, don’t you think our guests will appreciate this pinnacle of masculinity?” He struck a highly revealing pose.
Flam groaned.
”Okay, fine,” Flim said in a resigned voice. He turned to the mare. ”Seems like Mr. Stick-in-the-mud wants me somewhere. Sorry, sweetheart.”
”No problem at all,” the other pony said. ”I didn’t mean to intrude on you when you were busy.”
”I think it’s safe to say I did most of the intruding,” Flim quipped, causing his brother to groan even louder and the mare to blush.
”Just… take a shower,” Flam said tiredly.
Thirty minutes later, Flim stepped out of his room, dressed in the same tailored marine blue suit as Flam, who subtly studied his brother and wondered for the thousandth time just how Flim could change from the indolent, reckless pony he had been half an hour ago to the polished, well-spoken gentlecolt he was now. A series of measured knocks on the door roused him from his rumination. He went to open.
”Good evening, Mr. Rich,” Flam said with the familial tone reserved for ponies he wanted to make an impression on. ”I am most pleased you could join us tonight. I know how busy you must be.” As he let Filthy inside, Flam noted the neat suit jacket and fetching tie. Filthy had a professional, yet relaxed aura to him; not to flamboyant and not to subdued.
”Well, I just so happened to be in town,” Filthy said. The two sat down at a stylish glass table just in front of the window wall. ”Besides, if I had not come, then I would never stop thinking about just what the three of us might have talked about here. Surely you must have something extraordinary to discuss to call a meeting far from the cameras and journalists.”
”I won’t even bother to deny that there might be some… hypothetically unconventional dealings tonight,” Flim said as he came up to join his brother. ”Can I tempt you with a few drops of Mull McTrot from 953?”
”If you don’t have any 955 I suppose it will do,” Filthy sighed and took the glass of amber liquid. ”but I did not come here to drink. Please tell me, just what would the two of you want with an old business stallion like me?”
”You will have to wait just a little while longer before we tell you that,” Flam said. ”You see, you are not the only pony invited here tonight. Though you seem to be the only one with a sense of punctuality.”
”Au contré! It is called being fashionably late!”
”Miss Rarity,” Flim said with his cocky smile. He strode up to the door and respectfully kissed Rarity’s hoof. ”Enchanté.” He meant it too, Flam could tell. Rarity was dressed in a light, airy dress in pale blue and a golden hem. She looked very bit the fashion queen she was. Her companion looked equally stunning with a whisky amethyst dress, likewise accented with gold.
”Rarity Belle, Suri Polomare. I am most pleased to see you,” Flam said with his measured, professional voice. He shook hoof with the both of them and guided them back to the table where Filthy sat and looked towards The Pony of Liberty in the harbor port.
”Now, if I have done my homework correctly…” Flim produced up two wine glasses and two bottles wine, one red and one white. ”Chenin Blanc from Raisin Coeur’s plantation, aged for two and a half year and served with just the tiniest hint of… rosemary,” he said as he poured and put the glass in front of Suri Polomare, after having sprinkled a few leaves over it. ”Unusual, but your favorite, correct?”
”What a gentlecolt,” Suri remarked and swirled the glass around in her hoof. She studied the liquid with a critical eye. ”And quite correct, m’kay.”
”That makes me happy,” Flim replied and uncorked the second bottle. ”Pinot Noir from Princess Celestia’s personal garden, one of three such bottled auctioned off five years ago. They say Celestia saves the first rays of sunlight every morning for these grapes and that the taste is imbued with the warmth and tenderness of the princess herself.” He paused for effect. ”Of course, there are also those who just calls it ’sex in a glass’. Not the place I prefer it, but…” He set the glass down just in front of Rarity and then swiftly sat down next to his wide eyed brother.
”You are absolutely right dear. This is my favorite,” Rarity said, somewhat coy. With a glint in her eye, she added. ”And about your risqué comment, I am not drunk yet.”
Flam released a breath he did not realize he had been holding. His brother’s way with other ponies, especially mares, never ceased to amaze him. ”Now, then,” Flam said and stood up, immediately grabbing the attention of everypony in the room. ”Seeing just how expensive your time is, I think we should get down to business. You see, my brother and I discovered a downright fabulous fact the other week.”
”But after having triple checked, there was only one conclusion: Together, the five of us are really, really rich!” Flim and Flam both said loudly.
The room fell into a dumbfounded silence. A cricket could be heard somewhere in the apartment. Somepony coughed as the silence stretched into uncomfortable levels. Five pairs of eyes followed a dustball that somehow blew over the clean floor.
”Okay then…” Filthy Rich said tentatively. ”I… uh…?”
”I could have told you that, m’kay,” Suri said with a sigh. ”And for a moment there I thought you had something interesting to show us. Now, if you are done wasting our time, Rarity and I have someplace we could be.”
Flim cast a sheepish look towards Flam. ”Well I have something else I could say, but it’s not that interesting really…”
”Same here brother of mine, but I think it’s worth a shot, don’t you?”
”Ah, well, I guess it is. Since we actually have the richest ponies in Equestria here we might as well try.” Flim and Flam both took out two stacks of papers from a drawer by the table and slid them to their guests. One stack for Suri and Rarity, and another towards Filthy. As one they looked at each other with dubious glances, but after Filthy shrugged and started reading, Rarity and Suri followed suit, thought they did not look very interested.
The further into they got into the reading, the more the ponies’ eyes dilated, until Filthy looked like he had seen a river flowing uphill. ”How did you find out…” he mumbled before something dawned on his face. He suddenly looked afraid. Quick as lightning, he spun towards two equally chocked Rarity and Suri and snatched a paper from their pile.
”Allow me to save you the trouble,” Flim said without acknowledging that Filthy looked like he was reading his own obituary. ”Those are records of all your land ownership, both of what you own privately, is held by a decoy, or is owned by your daughter companies. There are also notes about some… clandestine dealings of yours.”
”For example Mr. Stripes once tried to have the Canterlot guard arrest Mr. Rich some years back. Five days later Plaid Stripes is missing,” Flam elaborated. ”She has never been found…”
”…Which makes sense, considering somepony has bribed the guards to drop that specific case,” Flam concluded.
”H-how did you find out all this?” Filthy sputtered. It was clear this was a strike below the belt for his part.
”Oh, don’t look so grim, Mr. Rich,” Flim said and patted him on the back. ”After all, you are in good company with us.”
”One simply don’t get to where the five of us are without daring to step on a few hooves,” Flam said. He glanced towards Rarity. ”As Coco Pommel learned.”
The white unicorn choked on the wine she was drinking. She coughed and sputtered while Suri flinched as if she had sat on a live wire.
”I don’t know who that is,” Suri said with a surprisingly believable tone while her friend was still catching her breath.
”No? Well, let me tell you then. Eight moons ago, Coco Pommel, who was an up and coming fashion designer and one of your last rivals, lost everything she owned when she came down with a sudden case of clothing moths…”
”…In her fashion week collection…” Flam continued.
”…While out on the runway…” Flim went on, never acknowledging that Rarity squirmed with discomfort. Suri was blushing, but whether in shame or anger was impossible to tell.
”…just in front of the judges.” They both finished together.
Rarity took a deep breath and smoothened out her expression. She took a sip of her wine and gave Flim a cutsy smile. ”Well, haven’t the two of you been studious? But I can’t help but noticing, you don’t seem judge us too harshly.”
”Oh, we don’t,” Flam said in a casual tone. ”I think it was pretty clever actually. A neat little way to remove her without getting your hooves all dirty. Nicely done.”
”And such cute hooves should never have to get dirty,” Flim chimed in.
”I’d take that as a compliment, but you will forgive a mare for being a little guarded around a pair of stallions who apparently holds a Damerecles sword over her head.” Rarity said with the same disarming smile. ”Not that you gentlecolts would actually take advantage of such dreadful things on poor little me, would you?”
”Wouldn’t dream of it,” Flim said. ”In fact, as a gesture of our good will, we have decided to even out the playing field between the five of us, haven’t we, brother?”
”Right you are, brother of mine,” Flam said. ”But what malicious misdeed should we confess too? That time when we accidentally ran over a stubborn farmer with our Super-Speedy-Cider-Squeezy-6000? His family had to sell the farm if they wanted to afford the hospital visit, I recall. Best purchase we ever did.”
”How about that time when we fooled the Appeloosans into planting their orchard right over the buffalos’ holy land?” Flim suggested.
”Ah, a good one,” Flam agreed. ”But nothing can top that time when we set loose the parasprite infestation around Baltimare.”
”Wait, that was you!?” Suri shouted in utter shock. ”But… but thousands of ponies starved after that! Half the harvests in Equestria were ruined.”
”Half, yes,” Flam said. ”But not our half. After our little parasprite prank, most farms were bankrupt, ready to be bought up.”
”Quite…” Filthy began. Then he paused, pondering the next word. His face broke into an uneasy grimace. ”Quite hideous… but I can only admit I would have done the same if my own company needed it.”
”Of course you would,” Flim said lightly. ”As we said, you don’t get to where we are by being afraid to dare a little gamble every now and then.”
Rarity leaned forward with a cheeky smile. She looked a bit more secure now. ”Not that I don’t adore swapping stories with you rascals, but why exactly are we here? Might I hope you have a… proposition?”
”Oh, do we have a proposition?” Flam said with a silk smooth voice. ”I assure you, Miss Rarity, we do indeed have a proposition.”
”Well, don’t hold me on the rack any longer, m’kay,” Suri said with a ravenous look. ”Tell me.”
”Let me put it this way: What do you know about remote village-cults in northeastern Equestria?”
***** One moon later *****
Filthy downed a mouthful of Mull McTrot 955 from the small hip-flask he had brought for the specific possibility of becoming nervous. There was a reason it was called ”liquid courage”, after all. Thus feeling slightly more relaxed, he approached the large bright door. He took one final breath, just to steady himself before he opened it. This was it. After he was done, there would be no going back. After he was done, there would be no more Barnyard Bargains, and the only two endings would be with him on the throne or behind bars. An image of him in a prison garb flashed through his head, but it was soon replaced by the comforting, calming knowledge that if this worked, then his legacy, his wife and his Little Diamond would all be as safe as the sun in the sky. Then he could finally settle down, finally stop looking over his shoulder after impending disasters.
He opened the door and went up to the large desk and the mare sitting there. She was an earth pony, blue of coat and with a stamp cutie mark currently obscured by the table she worked by. Filthy knew her from multiple times in the past. She looked up at his entry.
”Mr. Rich, I didn’t expect to see you this soon again. It was only last month you completed the merger with Cenbucky Salt Lickens. Surely you are not going to begin another process this soon?”
”I Am, actually, dearest Inky Stamp.” Filthy said with a practiced smile. ”I want to get started as soon as possible, as I imagine this will take some time.”
”Well, what is it then?” Inky Stamp asked curiously.
”Another merger,” Filthy said and put his suitcase on Inky’s desk. ”The largest one yet. Believe me, it was hard to get everypony to agree, but eventually I did it.” He allowed himself another smile. ”I am proud to announce that Barnyard Bargains will merge with FlimFlamFoods as well as with R&S Fashion.”
The blue pony looked like she had something stuck in her throat. ”FlimFlamFoods and R&S Fashion? But… but how…?” Inky opened her mouth and closed it again. ”But does that even work? Those businesses plus yours must be the largest ones in Equestria. If you merge… don’t you…?”
”…Own more money and real estate than the crown of Equestria? Indeed we do,” Filthy said. ”But that is none of your business, is it? Your business is to help represent us in any legal matters as well as lead the discussions with the princess.”
”Discussions?” Inky asked uncertainly.
”Just in case she tries to stop us,” Filthy said casually as if he discussed whether Fleetfoot or Sorin would win the next Wonderbolt derby. ”It will undeniably be a bit awkward for her to govern if she has another fraction with just as much influence as her. If she complains, you will have to kindly remind her that we have the law on our side.”
Filthy was able to sympathize with Inky’s crestfallen posture. To argue with the immortal God-Princess of the sun was probably not a job she looked forward too. Normally, Filthy would have tried to comfort her, but that was unnecessary now. When Celestia was gone, he would remember those who helped him.
Three ponies went through the early night towards the majestic Canterlot Castle. One of them, a white unicorn with a curly mane, looked up towards the elegant structure of battlements and towers. Moonlight bathed the building and gave it an otherworldly luster, almost like it was covered by nacre. She looked away and instead to the lilac earth pony beside her. The third pony had a dark hood over her head and went slightly behind the other two. None of them seemed to pay her any mind at all. ”You ready for this, darling?” Rarity asked her oldest friend. She was not sure what answer she hoped to get.
”Honestly, no,” Suri said in a snappy tone, at once excited and uncertain. ”I don’t see how this could work, m’kay. But I do know that if I’m not in on it, I’ll regret it my whole life. Just like when we fixed Coco. Go big or go home.”
Rarity took a deep breath and nodded decisively. ”I’d rather go big. Oh, where would I be without you, Suri? You always know what to say to make me feel better!”
”Always happy to help you, friend,” Suri grinned. The three ponies stopped a little while away from the castle gate. ”You or me?”
”I will do it,” Rarity said quickly. ”I’m feeling… mischievous tonight.”
”If there is anypony who can wrap those boors around her hooves, then it’s you,” Suri said encouragingly while glancing at the royal guards who stood by the castle entrance. None of them had moved a micrometer since Rarity and Suri spied on them from the lunch table across the street hours earlier, and they had yet to see either of the two guards blink. Rarity felt a shiver of anticipation run down her spine. If there was one pony who could do this, then it was her, just like Suri said.
”Hello~o!” She tittered happily and went up to the two guards with a spring in her step and open expression. The guards both shifted their eyes to her, but remained still otherwise. ”Gentleponies, I am oh so sorry for being a bother, but I need to ask something of you two.” She batted her eyelashes quickly. ”Perhaps… you know who I am?”
”Rarity Belle. You are expected,” one of the guards said stiffly.
”Oh, yes I know, and I do so hate to keep the princess waiting, but I am afraid there has been a teensy mistake about my invitation,” Rarity added just a little distress into her voice. ”Only me and my partner were invited, not our secretary!”
”A royal scribe will provide any service you require,” the guard said dismissively. ”No uninvited pony can enter the castle after the changeling incident.”
”Oh but my secretary and me are so close! She has been with me during every big move I have made! Oh Pleeease can’t you make an exception for little old me? What harm can my secretary do?”
”No exceptions.”
”Pretty please with cherries on top?”
”No exceptions.”
Rarity’s lips turned upwards in a coy smile. She went closer until she could feel the guard pony’s coat brushing ever so lightly against hers. ”Are there really… no exceptions?” she whispered huskily in the guard’s ear. She let her tail shift from side to side, just as she would if she had been in heat. A neat little trick to persuade blockheaded stallions.
The guard glanced at her moving tail and then back to her eyes. She winked conspiratorially, smirked and gave just the smallest nod, striking a wordless agreement that she would never dream of honoring.
”Your secretary may enter,” the guard said authoritatively. The other guard continued to look straight ahead. Rarity was sure that if somepony tested, they would find him clinically dead. Without thinking more about it, Rarity went into the castle. Suri and the ”secretary” followed.
Rarity had expected the castle to be positively crawling with guards, but the corridors and battlements all seemed deserted. Of course, that was perfect for their plans, but she still felt unnerved by the vastness of the castle. This was a building where she would find the grandest balls, the most exquisite banquets, the finest couture in Equestria. It should not be deserted like this.
”Now, you stay here until we call,” Suri instructed the third pony when they stood outside the throne room. ”When we call she will be distracted, m’kay. That’s when you strike. Just give us some time to lure the princess into lowering her guard.”
”Fine,” the hooded pony said shortly. She stopped outside the large golden doors. Rarity took a deep breath, felt Suri’s hoof comfortably around her neck, and exhaled. They smirked cheekily at one another and entered.
”You are late,” Celestia greeted them. ”You were asked to be here fifteen minutes ago.”
”She is not late, your highness.” Flim said in a forgiving voice, as if Celestia had accidentally insulted a rare work of art. ”She is fashionably late. That is a world of difference. Well, a word of difference.” Rarity felt her approval for the unicorn increase. He was witty and had a certain air of careless elegance to him.
”Well then, now that we are all finally here, let us begin.” Celestia’s tone broke no argument. She sat down at a large circular table and motioned the others to the chairs across from her. The five sat down, but left the seat just in front of Celestia vacant. That was Filthy Rich’s negotiating tactic; this way they forced her to look to the side when she wanted to speak with them, and she could never feel like she reached all her guests at the same time. Furthermore, as Filthy had explained, the five of them spread out in front of her, making her feel surrounded.
Nothing they did to bring her out of balance, even down to the seats they took, was without worth. They needed every advantage they could get.
When they sat down, Rarity had the opportunity to study the Princess of Equestria closely. She furrowed her brow; these last few years had not been kind to the princess. The last alicorn limped slightly on her left hind leg, where the mad king Sombra had severed her tendon with dark magic, and her right wing did not lay perfectly against her side after Discord had turned it inside out it as part of some twisted prank. The lines around the alicorn’s lips and muzzle were pulled taut, like she had forgotten how to smile, and her once benevolent eyes now just looked tired.
”We thank you for inviting us here, esteemed Princess,” Flam began. ”How may we humble shopkeepers be of service?”
”I hoped you could clarify something for me,” Celestia said. Her voice was naked and barren, far from the warm, enveloping song she spoke with before the return of Nightmare Moon. ”The other day I was visited by a lawyer by the name of Inky Stamp. She said she represented the five of you and that you were initiating a merger between your three companies.”
”Quite correct,” Filthy said. ”But I did not expect the Princess to care for such trivialities.”
”We all know it’s not a triviality,” Celestia said. ”And we all know why I care. I asked you here in hopes of convincing you to stop your merger. Equestria needs stability at a time like this. You could very well spark an economic crisis if you go through with this. In the name of all my little ponies I ask you to step back from your plan.”
”Now that all sounds positively adorable, Princess,” Rarity all but tittered. ”But I am oh so sorry to say that, in my humble opinion, your work of late has been… lackluster.” Rarity gave an apologetic smile. ”In fact, I think you deserve some rest and relaxation. A little time for you to focus on your own wellbeing in these trying times. But have no fear, I am certain me and my colleagues would not mind filling in for you.”
”Just what are you insinuating, little pony?” Celestia asked. Her eyes seemed like flint, drilling into Rarity’s. She fidgeted under the glare.
”Exactly what I said,” Rarity squeaked and launched a magical beam at Celestia. She could see the alicorn’s surprised look for just a moment.
”NOW!” Suri screamed. Rarity felt the adrenaline rushing into her veins. Now there was truly no turning back; now all she could do was to ride this madness to the end.
The doors flew open and the pale lilac unicorn shot a turquoise beam right over the empty seat, saving Rarity from what she imagined would have been be a fiery death. Celestia looked away to the door, but only managed to open her wings before the beam struck her.
Rarity did not know what to expect from this pony, but this was not it. The moment the beam made contact, Celestia became stiff as a board. The Princess did not make a sound, but based on the expression on her face, she was in a great deal of pain. She wriggled helplessly, twitched and then opened her mouth in a wordless scream. Then Rarity saw it. The Princess’s cutie mark was beginning to shift slightly, like some invisible hoof was trying to peel it of Celestia’s coat like a foal would a sticker. She gasped as the cutie mark literally lifted from Celestia’s flank, linked only by a few thin strands of golden magic.
Then, like a taut string finally snaps, so did the small filaments of magic. A shiver went through Celestia. She started hyperventilating. Her eyes looked around frantically, and Rarity was certain they stopped on her just as Celestia lost consciousness and slumped forward. Starlight Glimmer released her magic grip, disposing the alicorn unceremoniously on the elegant table.
”Masterfully executed, if I do say so myself!” Flim said with a flashing smile towards Starlight. ”I don’t think any other pony could have pulled it off half as well!”
Rarity felt a small pang of something that was definitely not jealousy as the shaven unicorn continued to shower Starlight Glimmer with praises. She just thought that was enough; they had work to do for Celestia’s… for whoever’s sake!
”Thanks, that’s enough,” Starlight bit him off. ”I have done my part. Now we can begin the real work in making all of Equestria a perfect equal utopia.” Starlight looked around. ”Our first step, naturally, will be removing the cutie marks of each and every pony in the land. Then we will start the tedious process of abolishing money, property and titles.”
”Without that, there will not be any way to express superiority, right?” Flam asked. ”Perfect equality.”
”Precisely!” Starlight glimmer giggled happily. ”So if you five would just stand together over there and I will remove your cutie marks too. Then, when everypony understands that the princess and the five wealthiest ponies in Equestria gave up their marks, they too will want to get rid of theirs.”
”I don’t know brother, it all sounds pretty dull to me,” Flim said with a sidelong glance to Flam.
”I was just thinking the same thing, brother of mine,” Flam said. ”In fact, now that miss Glimmer has done her part, what do we need her for?”
”Very true, m’kay,” Suri chimed in. ”You know, it almost feels like we’d be better off without her, seeing how she is threatening all we’ve built, m’kay.”
”And those equal signs everypony had in her village looked positively dreadful,” Rarity said. ”I won’t ever surrender my cutie mark for something as drab as that! No fashionable pony would!”
”I knew you greedy swines couldn’t be trusted!” Starlight screamed. A blood vessel pulsed on her throat. ”YOU WILL NOT STAND AGAINST MY EQUALITY!”
”Well, we all seems to be equally skeptical to you,” Flim said. ”That’s got to count for something.” Rarity laughed at that.
”QUIET!!” With a roar that would send Cerberus running, Starlight unleashed a massive ray of magic against them.
Flim and Flam closed their eyes and leaned together until their horns touched. A beam, green like molten greed, shot from where their horns met and collided with Starlight’s magic. The two attacks crackled, sparked and popped angrily, but none of the two seemed to be gaining on the other. Then Starlight roared in defiance, pouring even more into her onslaught. Slowly, ever so slowly, she pushed the brothers back.
Without thinking, Rarity closed her eyes and leaned into the spell nexus with her own horn aglow.
A radiant light flashed on her eyelids. Magic, more than she ever knew she had, rushed up into her horn from every fiber of her body and melded perfectly with the spell the brothers were channeling. For a moment, she just stood there, overwhelmed by the sheer power coursing through her. Then she reaffirmed control over her senses. Slowly, carefully, she let a small strand of her consciousness probe forward, trying to figure out just what spell this was. She gasped when she felt it, a foreign magic brushed gently against hers. Something flashed in her mind, like somepony had started a movie. She saw memories that were not her own, felt feelings from a life she had not lived. It was like flicking through a scrapbook, only there were no pictures but moments, frozen in time and filtered through another pony’s psyche.
FLASH!
She sat on the floor next to her brother and a monster of gears and cables, a wrench in her magic and a pencil in her mouth. Anxiety, happiness and ambition.
FLASH!
She pulled the lever and all but gutted the apple tree with her heavy-duty demolition crane. Excitement, ambition and a little bit of malice.
FLASH!
Her brother smiling radiantly at her with a Parasprite struggling in the long insect net he was carrying. Confidence, eagerness and ambition.
FLASH!
The strange, alien mind receded and left Rarity disoriented for a moment before she understood what she had seen. She had seen fragments of Flim and Flam’s lives and felt what they had felt in those moments; those precious, defining moments which had made them who they were today. That was what they were putting into their spell.
She did not know what it meant, but she knew what she had to do. She closed off her mind and searched through her memories for those rare moments, those times that defined her as a pony.
When she and Suri opened their first boutique in Manehattan. No one thought they would succeed, the two upstart mares from a cheap apartment, but after less than six moons they were on the highway to success.
When she, Suri and Hoity Toity were on the cover for the Fashion Flash newspaper. That was when Rarity first saw just how good they were doing. Other ponies spent their lives yearning for that moment, but for them it happened in a year.
When she watched her rival’s dress fall asunder on the runway of Fashion Week. That was when she had really became the savvy, urbane business pony she was today.
And when she met Flim and Flam in their apartment. The two had awoken something in her, a thirst for more wealth, more status and more respect.
A tremor shook her mind, and the pressure of the spell disappeared. Confused, she opened her eyes and saw that the spell was all gone. The only thing left in its wake was Starlight Glimmer, who laid on the floor with multicolored flashes of lightning crackling around her horn. She breathed rapidly and seemed to be unable to lay still. Her legs and tail twitched slightly and the turquoise light of her magic flicked rapidly like a broken flashlight. Her eyes were wide and terrified.
”What did you… we, just do?” Filthy asked just beside Rarity. Apparently he and Suri had joined in too.
”Now, I wouldn’t expect you to know, being an earth pony,” Flam said. ”But unicorn magic is tied to our emotions. The more powerful emotions we feed into our magic, the more power our spells have. Isn’t that so, miss Glimmer?”
Starlight remained silent, though she continued to flop around on the floor. Rarity felt a little uneasy seeing it. It looked like she was having a seizure.
”I imagine it was her zeal that made her spells so powerful, her desire for equality.”
”Oh, I get it!” Suri said. ”That’s why Rarity thought about those things, she thought about the strongest emotion we all have in common, m’kay?”
”Our ambition,” Filthy nodded. ”Our ambition was stronger than her zeal, so we fought down her magic.”
”Pretty neat, huh?” Rarity asked with a giddy smile. They had done it, they had actually done it! They had bested Celestia and Starlight! They were at the top of the world!
”Pretty neat,” Flim said while looking at her.
”Never better, in fact,” Flam clarified. He twined his mustache lightly with his magic.
”Stupendous.”
”Simply marvelous.”
”And such a flank!” Flim exclaimed. Rarity felt her cheeks flush in the matter of moments. Part of her wanted to slap the unicorn for such a crude, uncouth, repulsive thing to say, and to her face too! Another treacherous little part of her though…
Luckily for her, she did not have to take the decision on her own, for Flam slapped him for her, eagerly followed by Suri.
”Now that I have your attention again, brother,” Flam said matter-of-factly, ”I think we should discuss our next step.”
”Next step?” Suri asked. ”The princess is gone. What more is there, m’kay?”
”Just because the princess is gone doesn’t make us… princes, I guess,” Filthy said. ”The common pony will never accept us just like that. Go on, Flam. What do you propose we do to win them over?”
”For the now, nothing,” Flam said. ”Think of it. With Celestia gone, I think panic will erupt in a matter of days. Nothing like this has ever happened before. I give law and order… about a week. With no leadership it will soon collapse in on itself as everypony with authority scramble for control. I imagine Blueblood and his nobles will try to assert their rule, but most ponies knows he is an idiot, they won’t follow him. However, with our factories, farms, and security forces we can offer our workers food, houses, and order. We will present ourselves as the sole icons of stability in this unstable world. Ponies will flock to us for safety.”
Rarity smirked. ”We make the ponies choose us as their leaders. That gives us all the legitimacy we need. Brilliant!”
”Ponies have always been heard animals to some extent,” Filthy said. ”Once a few comes, more will follow. If we pull it off correctly I imagine all of Equestria will fall to their knees and beg us to rule them.” Filthy looked to the unicorn brothers. ”Clever, as always.”
”Thanks,” Flim and Flam said in chorus.
***** Two hours later *****
The castle was deserted save for five ponies, all of them unicorns, moving about on the battlements. Four of them were walking and the last one was being dragged behind them, bound, gagged and with a dark ring clamped around her horn. The bound unicorn thrashed and kicked uselessly on the ground from either fear or anger. Flim was leaning towards the former, but he was unsure.
The small party stopped by a tower with a heavy door. Flim and Flam heaved up their prisoner, threw her in and locked the door with the key they had just received. ”There, that should hold her for now,” Flim said and pocketed the key.
”So you did beat Celestia,” Shining Armor asked. ”I will admit I was unsure what to think when I got your letter. But I guess this explains why you wanted me to bring the key to the prison tower.”
”We had a feeling it would be better to keep such a powerful unicorn carefully under lock and key, and since this tower has succeeded in the past…” Flam shrugged.
The purple pony at Shining armor’s side mumbled something inaudible and shuffled nervously on her hooves. Flim glanced at her and tried to figure out what was up with her for the seventh time. She had seemed anxious about something whenever they met. She had not spoken more than ten words to the brothers over all the months of preparation, and her eyes were always firmly directed at her own hooves.
”Well, you brought the key as promised,” Flam said, ignoring Shining Armor’s sister. ”But that was just the garnish on the platter. Have you done that other thing we asked? Where does the Canterlot guard stand in this?”
”Did you have any trouble with them tonight?” Shining Armor asked. ”I know you didn’t, and that should give you all the answer you need.”
”Now, now, that won’t do,” Flim said. ”Say it. Admit to what you have done. It will build character to say it loud and clear.” He could see the demand made the guard captain a little uneasy, but nonetheless Shining Armor rolled his eyes and spoke clearly.
”I sent the guard away from the castle against Princess Celestia’s orders. There, are you pleased?”
”Yes, very much so,” Flam said. ”And it speaks greatly about the loyalty of the guard to their captain.”
”And you are sure the guard will remain that way?” Flim asked. ”They are actually loyal to you and not… say for example the Princess?”
Shining Armor shook his head. ”Me and many of my colleagues think Celestia only uses the guard as her personal servants. For example we do not have the rights to investigate crimes despite us being more qualified than the regular police force. So instead of helping the common pony she has us watching her eat cake, sleep, and sit on the throne.”
”Why does she need guarding?” Flim asked curiously. He just realized something. ”If she is immortal and you are not allowed to investigate crimes… what do you do, exactly?”
”I have been asking myself that for years,” Shining Armor said acridly. ”Anyway, most of the guard will be just as happy to be rid of her as I am,” Shining Armor looked at the twins, one after the other. ”Especially if you are indeed going to make good on your part of our deal.”
”Of course we are,” Flam said, smiling. ”We are the most trustworthy ponies in Equestria, me and my brother. But the leader of our secret police force must be able to carry out some… how does one put it…” Flam spun his hoof airily. ”…disagreeable orders.”
”In short, we think a show of your ability would be in order,” Flim said casually. ”Think of it as an aptitude test.”
”What do you want?” Shining Armor asked.
”Well, I heard there was some caves beneath this city strong enough to keep even an alicorn captive.” Flam said lightly. ”Perhaps you could show me? We need someplace to hold the has-been, after all.”
Shining Armor nodded. ”Very well. Come with me.” He glanced towards his sister, who cowered slightly, even more nervous now. She tucked her tail close to her stomach and felled her ears in displeasure. ”I’ll be back in just a few minutes, Twily,” Shining Armor said and nuzzled his little sister. He and Flam started walking, leaving only Flim and Twilight on the battlements.
”Now, about that project you have worked with…” Flim said carefully as to not stress the nervous pony.
”It’s done,” Twilight said quickly. She licked her lips and looked over her shoulder to where her brother had gone. ”I’ve built the machine exactly like your blueprints said, and added the levitation spell too.”
”And the last part?” Flim asked with an encouraging look. ”Have you made any progress there? I hate to say it, but you are our last hope on that front. After all, if anypony can do it then it’s you.”
Twilight blushed slightly. Flim assumed his infallible charm must have even greater effect on this mare who, by the looks of it, had never left her brother’s side. ”It was tricky, but I got it. I built a case capable of draining the magic from anything placed inside it.”
”I knew we could trust you!” Flim said warmly. ”And you think it will work? If we place… for example something with all of Celestia’s magic inside it, then we should be able to move the sun, right?”
”Theoretically speaking, yea,” Twilight said. She sounded a little more secure. ”The spell is really just classic levitation. That’s much simpler than everything you put in the cider machine. The only thing preventing you from levitating the sun would be the power source, and I still don’t know where you are going to find that. But if you could, then we should be able to move the sun.”
”Arn’t you a clever little pony?” Flim said softly. ”I like that in a mare.” Twilight blushed profoundly. ”Perhaps you would regale me and my brother with a look at your machine? I just so happened to stumble across a fitting power source on the way here. Perhaps we could try it out?”
”Oh, yes!” Twilight said happily. ”Let me just check up on it real quick and then I can show you! Just give me ten -five- minutes!” Twilight turned and trotted away swiftly. It could not be clearer that she had never been more excited. ”Oh, I must prepare my notebook, so many things to record, so much data to gather…!”
Flim chuckled and patted the saddlebag where the glass jar with Celestia’s cutie mark was safely tucked away. Once Twilight was well out of sight Flim went up to the prison tower and unlocked it. He stared smugly at the bound, thrashing unicorn before he levitated out the cloth from her mouth. ”She’s a fine mare that Twilight,” Flim said casually while Starlight caught her breath. ”Pity on Rarity, but I have always had a thing for shy mares. And Twilight will be more useful in the long run.”
”You are a playboy too!?” Starlight barked angrily while struggling to free her legs. ”The moment Rarity leaves you are running after somepony else!? How low can you sink!?”
”Oh, I was never serious with Rarity,” Flim explained with a dismissive wave of his hoof. ”In time our new secret police force will make sure she, as well as Filthy and Suri, ends up here with you. As you helped us prove, they are simply too ambitious to keep around. It might take a while to embed our ponies in their companies, but I’m patient.”
Starlight paled in anger. ”Are you… are you just going to… YOU ARE BETRAYING YOUR COLLEAGUES TOO!?”
”It’s nothing personal,” Flim said with a shrug. ”They are simply too dangerous. But Twilight on the other hoof… she is perfect. No spine at all and intelligence in spades. Easy to control. Hypothetically, if I married her and had foals with her, then her genius will always be ours.”
”No!” Starlight screamed. Flim saw the blood vessel return. Small sparks popped from her horn as she fought to get loose. ”Nopony will ever side with you profiteers! Nopony will stand for the inequality you plan to create! I promise that when I get out of here-!” Green magic grabbed her tongue and pushed it down.
Flim tsked smugly. ”Equality, equality, equality. You know, when you are at the top looking down, equality really is not all it’s cracked up to be. But I’m sure you know that.” Flim chuckled and wiped of the equality sign from Starlight’s flank. ”be seeing you!” He said happily, went out of the cell and closed the door with a carefree kick. He went back to the alcove and waited for his brother to return.
Shining Armor nodded when he and Flam came back. ”Let’s go. We met my sister and she is probably anxious for us to come. She’s worked really hard with that machine.”
”Just one last thing,” Flam said. ”One last thread to tie up.”
”Hmm?” Shining Armor raised an eyebrow.
”We wanted to evaluate your magical abilities too…” Flam said casually.
”…Which is why I did not gag Starlight again after I had a little chat with her.” Flim said. “She must have chewed through the binds around her hooves at this point, and will be working on the horn-”
BOOM!
Splinters of wood and pieces of plaster flew from the prison tower as a livid unicorn finally got her horn ring off. She waited only a moment for the dust to settle before she slung a radiant beam of turquoise magic at double-crossing brothers.
Flim did not see where his brother ended up; all he cared about was getting in behind the shield spell Shining Armor cast out of reflex. The magic beam hit it with a bright sound, causing Shining Armor to grunt and take a few steps back. Flim exhaled in relief; he knew their plan had worked the moment he heard the bright sound. Unlike his and Flam’s way of blocking Starlight, Shining Armor had an actual shield spell, made not only to block but also to reflect.
That very moment the attack began to subside and Flim rushed out from behind the shield just as Flam lobbed him glass jar. A moment later, Starlight’s cutie mark was locked inside.
Starlight stared at the jar, horror surfacing in her eyes. She stared back to her flank as the color drained form her face. Her legs began to shake as she rubbed her flank, hoping against all hope that it was just the fake cutie mark she saw. ”No, no, nononono…” she whispered frantically when the equality sign did not disappear. ”Not my…! Not...!” She slumped down, unconscious.
“You have passed your aptitude test with flying colors,” Flam said heartily to Shining Armor. He took and shook the guard captain’s hoof. ”I am sure you will do a splendid job of safeguarding our new Equestria from threats both without and within.”
”If you would just put Starlight in a new cell for us…” Flim said. Shining Armor nodded, gave a quick salute and magicked Starlight up on his back. Together they went into the castle again. Flim and Flam lingered slightly behind.
”Now that he’s taken out Starlight, we should figure out a way to get rid of the good captain. Without loosing the loyalty of the guard or his sister, of course…” Flim whispered to his brother. “He seems a little to eager to turn on his superiors for my liking. To... ambitious.”
