“Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Catch a title by the prose. Where will it stop? Only Celestia knows!” Twilight singsonged as she levitated books off shelves at random.
Deciding on some light reading, Twilight restrained herself to five books for the night and returned the rest. Humming once again, she settled into one of the comfortable chairs in her castle’s library. Time to look at her haul!
Novel. Biography. Spellbook! Storybook. Textbook.
Twilight’s eyes lingered on the spellbook. That one felt like the prize of the bunch, but she had a system! She’d read them in order. The anticipation would only make it better.
A short while later, Twilight closed the biography and mulled on it. It must have been one that Rarity had given her, as she didn’t know how else she’d have gotten a biography of how Photo Finish built their magazine empire. The novel before that was a mildly amusing story about a batpony guard, but definitely not on an A.K. Yearling level of writing.
“Now for the main course,” Twilight announced to herself as she peeked at the spellbook again. She lifted it up carefully. Canterlot library, standard preservation enchantments. She brought the book close for a testing sniff and guessed a hundred or so years.
The age made Twilight wary, not for the book itself, but for the possibility of enchantment. She knitted a protective bubble around the book, and with her telekinesis slowly opened the lid to page through it. After determining it wasn’t going to blow up, she dispelled her bubble and flipped back to the front page to begin her reading.
“Well, that was disappointing,” sighed Twilight. After so much promise the spellbook turned out to be an early edition. It was an often repeated stereotype that ancient magic was more powerful and more mysterious, but most cases showed that modern magic had built upon old spellcraft. The technique described in the spellbook was simply outdated.
Feeling glum, Twilight started on the next book. It was one of those collected storybooks for foals, though a second glance at the cover had her musing. This one also looked old, and its mark was from the Crystal Empire. Promising, though she’d likely return it to Cadance or lend it to Applebloom if it were exceptionally rare or full of cute stories.
Twilight opened the book, and immediately her nose itched. She blinked; was that some dust? Her horn started to tingle on its own.
Oh sweet Celestia, you’ve got to be kidding me!
Twilight leapt out of the chair and hastily teleported to her magic lab with the book in tow.
Spike, lounging on a beanbag with a comic book, looked up. “Hey, Twil—”
“Spike! No time! Get out!” Twilight shouted as she galloped all out towards the spell-hardened chamber of her lab. The book in her magical grasp was already starting to sparkle and change colors. She hated to be curt with Spike, but this needed all her concentration.
Spike heard the urgency in her voice and didn’t argue, running for the door fast enough to leave his comic fluttering in the air.
Twilight’s horn flared, and she snipped three threads of magic that had started to emanate from the book. A few moments later six began to grow, and she cut them in sequence, too. That worried her. If the book was going to blow up, it wouldn’t be that complicated.
Ten threads appeared, and Twilight quickly dismantled them. She thought she could do about twenty which left her precious little time to unravel the rest of the spell forms.
Something… about timing? Or is that the timing trigger. No, it triggered when I opened the book. It’s a timed spell.
Twelve threads appeared now. Twilight clipped them with a spread shot of purple magic before going back to her analysis.
Metamorphic for sure. Not petrify or disintegration, thank Celestia. Is it a fruit? Mustache? Hmm, animal?
Eighteen threads burst from the book and Twilight yelped and took a step back. She quickly bolted down seventeen, stumbled on the eighteenth and hastily poured her willpower into the bubble instead. Her shield took the blow of the spellform, but the field cracked under the massive strain.
Buck it! I have to get rid of this thing!
Twilight began building a disintegration spell of her own; she’d have to toss the book into the blasting chamber and hope that it’d be enough to muffle whatever was trying to come out of this book.
Starlight rushed into the room calling out, “Twilight! What’s going on?! Spike said—”
“Get out! It’s a spell-trigg—” Twilight gasped before having to abandon the spell-bubble, disintegration beam, and nearly her magical grip when twenty-five threads appeared. The distraction had set her back too far!
Twilight worked frantically to knock the spell down. Twenty… Twenty-two… She blinked away sweat running down her brow from around her overheated horn; she wasn’t going to make it!
Blue magic added to her own and snipped the remaining threads. Starlight strode up beside Twilight with her own horn lit. “What in Tartarus is this?”
Twilight sagged in relief and puffed out an explanation. “It’s a spell-trigger trap somepony put in a children’s book.”
“Really? Who spell-trigger traps a storybook? Why is it so unstable?” Starlight asked before she and Twilight split the work in severing the next batch of threads.
“Ancient magic,” replied Twilight sardonically, “Which is harmless until it’s not. I was trying to get a read on it, but we’re going to have to destroy it instead. I think continuously counterspelling is just making it stronger.”
When the spell pulsed next, its complexity caught both alicorn and unicorn off guard. Not only were the threads innumerable, but to Twilight’s horror, it lashed out at the closer-standing Starlight.
Twilight threw herself at Starlight intending to grab her and teleport them both out.
The spell was quicker, and Twilight felt the impact strike her back. She gasped, and the world went dark as tightness cinched around her throat.
“Twilight! Twilight, wake up!” sobbed a voice. Twilight groaned as she opened her eyes. She was alive! That was certainly a positive. She had barely moved her head before it was grasped by dragon claws.
“It’s okay, Spike. I’m okay,” said Twilight, and hugged him back with a kiss on the forehead for good measure.
Starlight placed a hoof on her shoulder. “Thank you for saving me, Twilight.”
The strain in Starlight’s tone had Twilight look up and see that Starlight’s eyes were a little red. She’d been crying, too.
A glance over at the storybook showed it open on the floor, plain and un-magicked now that the trap was sprung. “It’s alright,” said Twilight. “I guess we fell for a prank of some kind.” After the stress of the moment, she felt like giggling.
Spike and Starlight shared a glance.
“What?” asked Twilight, frowning at their reaction.
Starlight pointed with a hoof. “You should take a look at what’s around your neck.”
Twilight blinked, and with some trepidation, looked down.
She was wearing a collar.
Twilight usually didn’t have much of an opinion on jewelry, but even she could tell it was a pretty collar. It looked like woven threads of gold neatly knitted together around her throat in a natural and organic style.
If the spell had turned the magical threads into a physical material, it had enough magic to make her a sweater, not just a collar. Twilight wondered how dense the material actually was, considering how many threads there were by the end.
Only one part of the collar wasn’t gold: a brooch-like emerald in the center. It was shaped like something, but Twilight couldn’t quite make it out. “It… gave me an accessory? What's that symbol?”
Starlight leaned in and squinted. “A cricket…?”
Spike called out from beside the storybook. “It’s a frog, says so here.”
“Spike! Get away from that!” Twilight cried. The book had surprised her twice now; she wasn’t taking any chances.
“We gotta help you!” replied Spike. “I don’t care if it hits me.”
Twilight sighed. “I care if it hits you, Spike! Whatever… ‘this’ is.”
After gently shooing away Spike, Twilight sat and read the story the book had fallen open on. It wasn’t that long, and by the end of it Twilight groaned.
“How bad is it? Should we get the others?” asked a worried Starlight.
“You could, but I don’t think they can help. This is silly.”
Starlight had a turn reading the passage. “A reluctant princess should kiss and be well not to dismiss, the power of love to forebode... the hour of the toad.” She rubbed at her chin. “Not a very good rhyme, is it?”
Twilight grumbled as she focused her magic on the collar. “It’s a story about a princess who was too haughty to kiss a frog.”
Starlight blinked. “Wait, does that mean… ?”
“Yep. This spell is going to turn me into a frog if I don’t kiss a princess.” Now that Twilight knew the context, she could guess the elements of the spell: A timed transformation curse. “I have about two days.”
“This is a whole lot of effort for a joke.” Starlight was looking at the storybook. Now that the spell had lifted off it, the book appeared ordinary. Most of the stories in it were familiar tales in one form or another.
“I have a hypothesis about who made it, but I’m not worried. It just so happens that this is the day Celestia, Luna and Cadance are in Canterlot for their weekly meeting,” said Twilight with a hint of smugness.
Spike coughed. “You’re going to go kiss one of them? Do you want me to send a letter with that?”
“No, I’ll just teleport over and explain it to them. It’ll take fifteen minutes, tops.” Twilight peered at a smirking Starlight and frowned. “Bah, we would have solved this in less time if I let this hit you instead.” She pointed out. "I could have just given you a kiss."
Starlight broke into the laugh she was holding back. “I’m sorry! Would that even work? Wouldn’t you have to love the pony, too?”
Twilight flustered and further explained, “Listen, it’s a storybook for foals. If this spell is using that as a conditional, then it should be pretty simple. The type of love shouldn’t matter. They probably didn’t expect to hit an actual princess with the trap.”
Starlight and Spike shared a glance again.
Spike cleared his throat. “Twilight, are you worried?”
“What? Me worry? I’m not worried! I said it already. I’m not going to be turned a frog by a thousand year prank, ” said Twilight while preparing her teleport spell. “I’ll be back. Fifteen minutes!”
“A kiss from a princess? Well, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of that conditional,” said Celestia with amusement in her voice.
“What an adorable spell! Who came up with it?” Cadance asked while giggling. “Is that story about one of us?”
They were in Celestia’s personal chambers. Twilight had apologized profusely for interrupting the princess’ weekly gathering, but as they were quick to point out, she was a princess too and always welcome to join them for these informal meetings.
“Erm, no, Cadance. It was from the Crystal Empire’s library so it must have been preserved for over a thousand years. The princess in it isn’t even named. I think it’s meant to be allegorical,” clarified Twilight.
Celestia shook her head and chuckled. “I never did understand why old wizards always set a kiss with a princess as ‘The Impossible Task’. It’s not like I ration them.”
“Perhaps you were less generous with your affections a thousand years ago,” Luna noted with an eyeroll.
Celestia rustled her wings at that before turning back to Twilight. “At least this is something that has a simple solution.” She leaned forward and kissed Twilight on the cheek, sweet and motherly.
Twilight smiled and waited a few moments before looking down. Her ears drooped when she saw the collar still whole and intact. “It didn’t work...”
Cadance snorted. “Of course it’s not going to work with a kiss like that! Auntie, you have to give her a true love kiss. True love is on the mouth.”
“Actually, I don’t think the story menti—” Twilight began.
“On. The. Mouth!” Cadance insisted.
Twilight winced and turned towards Celestia with a rising blush. “I’m sorry, princess, but could you…?”
“Certainly, Twilight. This isn’t that much of an imposition. You’ve always been a cute mare.”
That had Twilight fidgeting. She had never thought of her mentor in a romantic sense, but catching wind of the vanilla perfume as well as feeling her cheek stroked by the colorful streamer of mane invoked a feeling of lightheadedness. She found herself holding her breath when Celestia leaned in a second time.
Their lips met, and Twilight closed her eyes. Celestia gently nudged her and Twilight murmured into Celestia's mouth as she tipped her head for a better match. The feel of that muzzle covering hers, the tickle of Celestia’s breath. The general closeness shared. All of that was enough to have Twilight shiver in admitted pleasure.
It was over all too soon, and Twilight let out her held breath with a sigh. Celestia smiled at her and Twilight smiled back.
A peek downward, however, showed Twilight that she still wore the frog collar. “Wait. That didn’t work?!” she exclaimed before looking over to Cadance.
Cadance mulled it over. “Well, that was certainly love filled. Maybe the story wanted it to be passionate too?”
Celestia’s noble stoicism was ironclad though her ears betrayed a twitch. “Are you suggesting I do even more with Twilight?”
Cadance shook her head. “No, no, auntie! This one has to be me.”
“Passionate? Somehow I think you’re enjoying this,” observed Twilight.
Cadance grinned. “It’s just like when we were younger! You remember when we used to practice during sleepovers, don’t you?”
Twilight sat on her flanks and reached to touch hooves with Cadance. “Yes, but you got the colt-friend to use it on before me.”
Cadance smirked at that and tugged Twilight a little closer to land a nuzzle on her cheek. “I’ll give you the one that got me Shiny,” she warned.
Twilight tried to get herself ready. Cadance’s demeanor had shifted, her playful attitude becoming focused like that of a professional sizing up an opponent.
When Cadance moved close, Twilight’s reflex had her flinching back. Cadance had expected it and compensated with another pull of her hooves.
Even if Twilight was clumsy, Cadance was an expert and played the kiss just right to keep a level of even pressure. Eventually, Twilight relaxed and started to enjoy the pleasant softness.
Until she felt Cadance’s tongue probing her.
Twilight’s eyes flew open and she arched her brow in a question. Cadance waggled hers for a response. So it was going to be that kind of ‘practice’. Twilight rolled her eyes and opened her mouth as Cadance delved into outright Prenching.
Feeling the slow sensuality of Cadance’s tongue against hers left Twilight swaying. A moan threatened to leave her and Twilight's blush deepened as she realized she was getting a bit too into this! The thought had her checking Cadance’s horn, but it remained unlit. The only magic being used here was sheer skill.
The necessity of breath spared Twilight from any more of the romantic onslaught, and they finally broke contact. Cadance looked particularly happy with herself and flounced her mane. “There! You can take that silly collar off now.”
Twilight reached and tugged on it first with a hoof then with her horn magic, but the little frog on the brooch seemed to mock her with stubbornness. “Oh come on! What more does it want from me?”
Cadance frowned. “That… that was the best kiss I could do.” She looked at the collar with genuine worry.
Twilight started tugging at her neck. “I don’t want to be green and eating flies!”
“Relax, Twilight. We will find the answer,” Celestia said while putting a wing around Twilight’s shoulders to calm her. “From what I remember of the court a millennia ago, unicorn nobles did have certain preconceptions on what defined a Princess.”
They huddled together in quiet thought until Cadance clopped a hoof on the floor as an idea caught on. “Oh! They probably expect it to be a virgin princess."
After a moment, the three princesses looked to the fourth one.
“What?” said Luna to the three pairs of eyes suddenly on her.
“Sister, you haven’t had time to... build any relations since your return, have you?” Celestia asked gently.
Luna’s blush turned her cheeks a fierce purple. “You presume!” she sputtered, “I-I have been busy! I wholly intend to! Someday… somenight.”
“Auntie, it’s okay! You can help Twilight in a way we can’t. I’m sure she’d do the same for you if things were reversed,” Cadance said.
“Hey!” Twilight protested as she caught some of this crossfire implication.
Luna’s muzzle scrunched before she sighed. “Very well. Approach me, Twilight. I will banish this curse from you.”
Twilight went over and sat in front of Luna.
Luna started to aim her muzzle, but paused then looked over Twilight’s shoulder at the watchers. “This matter is between Twilight and I. Spare us some courtesy and avert your eyes.”
There were a few murmured replies as Cadance and Celestia turned their backs.
Luna leaned in once again and then stopped short again, her ears drooping as she looked wracked by indecision.
Twilight whispered quietly to Luna to try and soothe her obvious anxiety. “It doesn’t have to be Prenching.”
When Luna still looked panicked. Twilight finally just raised her face and kissed Luna, firm and full on the mouth.
Going from kissing Equestria’s most experienced mare to a novice was a stark difference. Luna instinctively flinched back like Twilight had done with Cadance, but Twilight was a quick enough learner to use Cadance’s method to keep close.
Twilight could feel sympathy for Luna and tried her best to keep it easy. When Luna saw that Twilight wasn’t going to tongue her, she started to relax and reached to stroke at Twilight’s shoulder with a forehoof.
When the kiss broke, Luna nuzzled her before catching herself and going stony faced again. “Ah. D-Did it work?”
Twilight looked down and sighed. “No, but that’s not your fault, Luna. It just seems to be determined not to work with anypony. Maybe I read the spell wrong?”
Cadance swatted her own forehead with a hoof as a new idea came to her. “A prince! We could use a guy instead!”
Twilight sharply turned her head towards Cadance. “I’m not kissing Blueblood. I think I’d rather eat flies!”
“Oh sister, I’m many things, but I’m not a sadist,” replied Cadance.
“Uhh… honey? You want to run that by me again?” Shining Armor asked as he sat in front of Twilight.
Shining Armor and Cadance traveled together whenever they could and like any parents had to work out the logistics of babysitting. Shining had been putting Flurry Heart to sleep in the guest bedroom while Cadance had her nighttime tea with the sisters. He had been at first happy to see Twilight, though after Cadance had explained the situation, he started to look uneasy.
“Need you to kiss Twilight, dear.” Cadance put her hooves over Shining’s back and pressed on him. Twilight thought that since their kiss in Celestia’s bedroom Cadance acted more Prench by the minute.
“Yeah, I got that part, but... on the mouth?” Shining looked conflicted, his willpower being tested by Cadance’s closeness.
“What’s the big deal? We all did it. Besides she’s your sister,” answered Cadance as she climbed nibbles on Shining’s neck. “This should be easy.”
“It’s because she’s my sister that this is NOT eas— wait you all have been kissing Twilight?” Shining asked, his eyes widening.
“Only because it’s an emergency!” Twilight desperately added, “It’s not for fun or anything like that.”
“I thought it was kinda fun,” quipped Cadance before she ducked her head behind Shining’s at Twilight’s glare.
Twilight turned back to Shining. “I’m really sorry to do this to you, but I need you to be my B.B.B.F.F. more than ever.”
“It’s okay, Twily. I’ve been a guard for princesses, you kind of have to expect anything. Even the creepy stuff.” Shining stumbled forward when Cadance goaded him with a push.
“It’s not creepy,” Twilight lied.
“Oh for love’s sake!” Cadance spoke up, startling them both with her sudden furious tone. “Ponies in Equestria hem and haw over showing their love for the stupidest of reasons. Twilight, you love Shining. Shining, you love Twilight. I don’t want Flurry Heart growing up visiting her auntie in an aquarium. Hurry up and kiss her already!”
Shining charged forward under such a whip crack from the wife. Twilight was thankful for Cadance’s last minute restraining squeeze to stop them from knocking their heads together.
At first, they were stiff with each other and Twilight had to fight to keep her muzzle from scrunching. Shining wasn't much better off, lips tense and inert. Feeling her brother on the other end be as uncomfortable as she was brought a funny camaraderie to the situation.
Twilight made a muffled giggle against his muzzle. He smiled along with her and eventually thawed.
Twilight thought back to her childhood, back to whenever she read a story involving some handsome hero. She had usually visualized them as Shining in his guard uniform as he was a natural role model. It’s not Shining, it’s the knight galloping to rescue a princess. You just happen to be the princess.
Shining for his part was not a bad kisser, perhaps owing to constant practice with Cadance. After kissing so many mares, kissing a stallion felt downright exotic to Twilight. The strong lips and jaw, the powerful neck and mouth control. Twilight’s body warmed, and her giggle turned into a soft murmur as she raised a hoof to pet at his chest. “Oh, Sir Hoof-a-Lot...”
The kiss broke, and Shining stared at her. “Who?”
“Uhh, Nopony! T-Thanks, big brother!” Twilight looked down and cursed at seeing the collar. “Oh bucking Tartarus, still?!”
Cadance hoofed at Twilight’s neck and grumped, “I’ll go wake up Flurry then. Maybe she can blast it off if her kiss doesn’t work. She probably will out of frustration anyway. She’s been teething.”
“No, Cadance. Just… no,” sighed Twilight as she slumped in place. She felt tired.
“We’re running out of royals! Not too many can be reached in just a couple of days.” Cadance counted off on her wingfeathers. “We might be able to get to Thorax, but the Yaks are much too far away, and it’ll take diplomacy to get the Saddle Arabians to kiss a mare and who knows where Chrysa—”
“NO!” Twilight interrupted. “I’m not going to traipse around Equestria kissing every pony and not-pony. I’ll just go back and work on this with magic. It’s my element, I’ll figure it out.”
Twilight squatted on a large lily-leaf and basked in the hot summer air. It was enough to make her thrum deep in her throat with pleasure.
Above her, a fly buzzed. Not just an ordinary fly, but a fat, juicy one. It looked delicious!
The fly perched on a tree branch of Twilight’s swamp home, rubbing its bug legs together. Her mouth watered at the sight and slowly she opened it, tongue cocking back. A ribbit of triumph came out of her. That bug would never see her coming!
Suddenly, Luna appeared in front of the tree. “Twilight! No!” The tongue en route to the fly was blocked by Luna’s shield.
The swamp rippled and changed to Twilight’s bedroom. Twilight gasped, realizing what she had almost done. “L-Luna?” Now a pony again, and she never felt so happy to be on four hooves.
“Worry not, I am here,” murmured Luna as she drew Twilight into a sheltering embrace.
Twilight shook for a time. “Just a dream. Just a dream. I’m dreaming. Not a frog. Not a frog yet.”
Luna hushed her and hugged all the harder until Twilight recovered from her runaway anxiety.
Twilight looked up to the dream princess. “T-Thank you. Eating that fly would have haunted me for sure.”
“ ‘Twas the least I could do for you. I am still sorry I could not break your curse.”
“Will you… stay a little longer? I’m afraid what I’ll dream about next without you around,” asked Twilight sheepishly, she still felt shaky.
Luna smiled and then looked at her sidelong. “I… had wished to ask.” She took a breath to clear her throat. “Perhaps we could spend the time kissing?” she added hastily, “For practice.”
Twilight noticed that Luna was much more relaxed in the dream than she was in waking life. Probably owed to not having herself judged on by Celestia and Cadance. The request still had Twilight laughing, and she supposed there were worse ways to spend the night.
It was Twilight’s turn to give Luna the helpful embrace, putting her hooves around their shoulders and lifting herself up to gently meet muzzles with Luna. “Sure, for practice.”
“Okay, sugacube, keep that pretty head of yours still. I wouldn't want to nick ya,” instructed Applejack as she maneuvered the tool in-between Twilight’s neck and collar. It looked like a pair of giant shears with long handles adapted for Earth Pony hooves.
When dawn came, Twilight had sprung out of bed ready for action. A question though on what action exactly. She had tried obeying the spell as written so now she looked for more physical solutions. It led her to Applejack’s farm.
Twilight kept herself still with her head tipped back. “And this one can cut through magic materials?”
“Ayup, this here’s a chain-breaker. Got it in Canterlot to help out with the magick’d chains we got for the harder stuff. I used it just the other day to cleave through an enchanted padlock. Just took a little muscle is all. Git yerself ready now. ”
Twilight sucked in a breath and closed her eyes.
Applejack grunted, and Twilight felt a twisting sensation as the collar was pulled up. Finally, there was a ‘sproing’ sound and a sudden release of the tension.
“Celly darn it!”
A peek downward showed Twilight that the collar hadn’t taken a scratch. The chain breaker, however, had broken at the handle. Twilight groaned, and her head fell back.
“Ya alright there, Twi?” asked Applejack. "I didn't nick ya did I?"
“Just resigning myself to the fact that I’ll be living in a pond soon,” sighed Twilight.
Applejack tossed the broken tool aside and put a hoof on Twilight’s chest to rub her encouragingly. “Don’t be silly. You’ll figure somethin’ out. Yah usually do. Just tell how I could help ya.”
“Could kiss me, maybe, for all the good anything else does,” mumbled Twilight.
Applejack hoofed her hat up and peered at Twilight. “Ya being serious? I ain’t a princess.”
Twilight let out a humorless laugh. “Sorry, I’m under stress and feeling down. I need to get back to finding a way to fix this. I’m sorry for wasting your time.” She tried to get up and floundered with forehooves and hindhooves when Applejack’s own hoof didn’t move from her chest.
“Didn’t say I was opposin’ the idea,” noted Applejack. “Maybe it might cheer you up at the very least.”
Twilight blinked and stared. Applejack looked back placidly, leaving it anypony’s guess to her feelings. Twilight wasn't even sure if it was a flirt.
After a brief internal debate on if she should teleport out from under that hoof, Twilight chuckled instead. If Applejack was going to play poker, Twilight would call that tease. “Fine, hit me with your best shot.”
Applejack’s hoof slid around her barrel and tugged her over. Despite being the bigger one as an alicorn, Twilight could appreciate the strength in that orange Earth pony body. “Just so ya know, it won’t be fancy. Just good, honest kissin’.”
“What would dishonest kissing even be li—” asked Twilight before her question got stifled by the mouth covering her own.
Twilight once again took stock of the details. With Applejack she had her own kind of hardiness even when kissing. Not quite as rugged as Shining was, but those lips were steady and sure.
Funny how it is almost like a hoof print. Every kiss is different, and every pony has their own way about it. Maybe I should write a book on— oh, Celestia, I’m starting to go off the deep end with this.
Applejack tipped her head, and their lips started to spread from the pressure. Twilight found her tongue drifting towards the gap between mouths. Though before she could cross it was met at the border by Applejack’s tongue. They touched then got in a brief pushing wrestle.
When they broke Applejack panted. “I ain’t putting up with any of that Prench nonsense!”
Twilight smacked her lips, tasting the lingering sweetness of apple cider. “That’s okay. We can try it again without.”
“Well since you’re still wearing the collar I take it you didn’t have much luck at Applejack’s, eh?” Starlight commented when Twilight returned to the castle’s magic lab.
Twilight’s muzzle scrunched briefly. “Erm, well... I learned something. Just nothing that can help me right now.” She sighed and settled into one of the chairs around the lab table. “What about you? Come up with anything?”
Starlight closed her eyes and lit her horn. In the air in front of her, a blue shimmering disk of energy formed and spun like a sawblade. She let it slice downward and cut through a stack of books. “Been working on a way to focus enough of a fine edge to cut through the weave.” She nudged the book stack with a hoof, and it split neatly in half.
“Ah!” Twilight cried, aghast at seeing five books ruined wholesale. She shook her head. “We’ve been over this, Starlight. The spell fed on both our magic when we were countering it. It’s probably stronger than us put together at this point.” She looked towards the split stack. “Besides, one wrong move and you’re just as likely to cut my head off as much as the collar."
“That’s still an option,” mused Starlight.
At Twilight’s glare, Starlight demonstrated another spell that mended the books and brought the split pages and covers whole. “A quick cut and then we put the ends together. Kinda drastic I know, but better an inch shorter than a frog forever.”
Twilight fought the urge to hunch her shoulders defensively at the suggestion and shook her head. “Starlight… sometimes you’re a bit too pragmatic.”
Starlight shrugged. “I guess I got nothing else for you then. Unless you wanted to try kissing me to see if that works.”
Twilight weighed the choices: A kiss versus getting her neck chopped. “I’ll take the less painful option.”
Starlight nodded and reformed the magical sawblade.
“I meant kissing you!” Twilight hastily clarified.
Starlight blinked, and the blade winked out. “Oh! Hah… sorry.”
Twilight approached and sat beside Starlight. After a moment’s hesitation, she leaned in and put a kiss to her student’s mouth.
Unlike Luna, Starlight didn’t flinch back, and unlike Cadance she didn’t charge forward either.
In fact, she didn’t react at all.
Twilight snorted, it was like kissing one of Rarity’s dress-dolls.
After the kiss had broken, Starlight looked at her and asked, “Problem?”
“Well… no… uh...” Twilight hedged before just flat out saying it, “You could move a little.”
“Like… backwards?” Starlight looked confused.
“No! Just…” Twilight huffed as she struggled to explain, “I thought you and Trixie would have by now…”
“She’s more of the Yell-Into-The-Pillow-Type,” Starlight admitted.
Twilight closed her eyes and took a few, measured breaths. Celestia, give me strength.
“If we don’t solve this, I’m not going to be around anymore to give you lessons in anything other than lily pads. So… it’s important that I can share with you with whatever knowledge I can give you. I’m kinda becoming an expert on this sort of thing,” explained Twilight before grumbling, "as much as I want to get it over with.”
Starlight tilted her head to the side. “You’re worried what my future colt and marefriends will say if I’m no good at kissing?” She started to grin and teased, “Which friendship lesson is that?”
“Yes! No! Wait… ugh.” Twilight rubbed her temples with her hooves as she collected her thoughts. “Before today I’d have been the first to tell you that kissing wasn’t something you needed to know, but now all at once, it’s the most important thing in Equestria for me in this situation. Better to be prepared in case someday you have to do what I did.”
Starlight chortled. “Okay, Teach. Lay it on me.”
“First you have to put your head like so and when you lean in it is important not to close your eyes too soon or else you might hit their eyeball, and that is hardly romantic. For your first, you’ll likely want to put your hooves on their shoulders because it can serve as a guide right as you move forward,” rambled Twilight as she went through a day’s worth of very scientific observation.
Starlight raised her hooves to stop Twilight’s forward press. “Wait, I think I’m going to need a scroll to start writing this down.”
“Uhh, girls?” Spike said as he walked into the sight of Twilight holding Starlight in her hooves and looming forward with her mouth nearly touching Starlight’s. “Sorry to interrupt but… umm… I guess it can wait.”
Twilight backpedaled from Starlight. “Spike! Hi! It’s… fine. What’s up?” She tried to hide her blush with a forced grin.
Spike looked between them and held out a scroll to her. “You got a reply on the message you sent to Celestia.”
Twilight levitated the scroll from Spike’s claws and read it. After a minute she sighed, “Right, that settles it.”
Starlight and Spike shared a glance. “Settles what?” They both said nearly at the same time.
“Who’s behind this prank. If Plan A and Plan B didn’t work, it’s time for Plan C: Going right to the source of all this trouble,” said Twilight with her mute anger scrunching up the scroll before she startled and smoothed it out again.
“I thought you said this spell was thousands of years old. Where are you going?” Starlight asked.
“Down the street,” replied Twilight, heading out the door with a resolute stomping canter.
“Oh ho! Fluttershy, I just read the most splendid of stories that was full of ideas! How about we have today's tea party on the ceil—” Discord paused as he squinted at the mare glaring at him from the chair. “Fluttershy, you look rather… purple today. Though I suppose I can’t complain if you’re feeling horny too,” he added with a flick of a paw finger against Twilight’s horn.
Twilight fended off the flick with a spark of magic. “Do I even need to explain why I'm here?”
Discord curled himself around the chair instead of sitting in it, reaching over to pluck a sandwich from the table to eat it backwards. “Of course not, Fluttershy’s sandwiches are delicious. It was only a matter of time the rest of you girls caught on.”
“Discord.”
“Mmm. Typical, you want to talk about a book you’ve read when my book was one that was absolutely wonderful. About a wonderful land, even! Full of size changing cakes, playful kittens, and a queen whose demeanor you could relate to.”
Twilight let out a breath and hung her head. “I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to argue. I just want to get this collar off. Please, Discord. I need help.”
Discord watched her for a moment before sobering. With a snap of his claw fingers, the storybook appeared, and he paged through it. “How did you figure out this little popup book was mine, anyway? I’d all but forgotten it was around.”
“Between cursed books and chaotic vines, I wonder just what else you’ve ‘forgotten’,” replied Twilight hotly before she closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths.
Be nice, you promised Fluttershy you’d be nice to him.
“Your magic is unpredictable, but that makes it predictable in another way. Not that much in magic acts as weird and unstable as what you do,” explained Twilight.
Discord perched over the table with his chin in paw and claw. He fluttered his eyelids which were now adorned with extra long lashes. “Oh, Miss Sparkle you do know how to give us the vapors with your flattery,” he said with a country falsetto. His ears emitted a few whistling puffs of steam.
Twilight rolled her eyes before continuing, “Celestia wrote me that for a time, you worked with unicorns in the past. Apparently, it’s what gave her the idea to try to convince you to help us in this era.”
“Goodness, you do a job for one, two, a hundred summers and it sticks with you.” He turned a shade of golden-syrup and used his now sticky hands to lift up several sandwiches all at once. He idly ate one.
Twilight waited as Discord ate until he started polishing off the third sandwich. “Well?” she finally asked.
“You should try one. They really are quite good,” Discord said while offering out a paw with a few of the sandwiches stuck to his wrist.
Twilight simply looked at him.
Discord chortled before waggling his sandwiched paw. “You’re no fun today. Yes, I helped ol’ Bully with this spell. Unicorns back then hardly knew magic from head to tails. Not good at all, at least until mister purple pony crystal eater took over the unicorn homelands.” He popped another gooey sandwich into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Somepony of your caliber should have found this foal's play.”
“Bully…? You mean King Bullion?” Twilight asked with a slow blink. It was sometimes hard to remember that Discord was incredibly old, even older than Celestia, and now apparently the founding of Equestria.
“Mmmhmm. He wanted to teach his little princess a lesson. Though I can’t imagine why y—” Discord paused and put a finger to his chin before grinning. “—unless you’ve been kissing a princess? Which one did you try?”
“All of them,” Twilight deadpanned. “Along with what’s felt like half of Equestria.”
Discord smirked. “Twilight Sparkle, the ever studious mare, keen on trying all the variables.” He waggled his brow. “You, of course, utterly missed the point of the story.”
Twilight steamed at that smug assurance, but it felt close to a revelation. “What is the point then?”
Discord flipped through the book. “A princess too full of herself to even think of accepting somefrog beneath her station. Until she learns that even in the most disgusting, ugly creatures are valiant traits she can admire. So she shakes off her own prejudice and realizes it is not the frog without she must go against, but the frog within. ” Discord sighed then, wistful while wiping away an overly dramatic tear. “A book about being accepted and accepting.”
“You made the conditional in a spell enchanting a nursery book based on the subtext?”
Discord’s beaming smile was skewed crooked by his snaggle fang. “I did! Else the spell could have been broken from Platinum by kissing one of her royal sisters or even a mirror. You know how fickle conditionals are. They take nearly anything in the ballpark. No point in a lesson if it’s easy.”
Twilight groaned. “But the rhyme at the end!”
“Yes, it was great, wasn’t it?” agreed Discord.
Twilight held her head in her hooves. “You never make a conditional out of subtext! It can be interpreted a million ways! Who knows which one the spell is using.”
“Probably why Bully ended up never using it on her.” Discord rolled his lazy eye over to the despairing Twilight. “Oh relax. It’s me! Master of Chaos extra-extraordinaire. As amusing it would be to have you hop around with a crown, it’d make Fluttershy terribly sad,” mused Discord. “Or would it make her happy to have a princess frog to take care of?”
Twilight grumbled, but she looked up with a renewed hope. “You can magic away the collar?”
Discord laughed and raised a claw poised to snap before turning the gesture into a finger waggle. “Aaaah, no. But I can tell you what would be the closest to solving it. Let’s see... from what I remember our princess found love in the most unlikely of places. The lady falling for the rough and tumble pegasus. Have one of those?”
"So you think I can break the spell?" asked Rainbow, "because I wore a Commander Hurricane costume in a play?"
Twilight flustered. “I know it sounds like a weird mess, and it’s weird to me too! This is Discord’s spell, and I have to do the same thing Princess Platinum did.”
“Uh-huh and that ends up with you kissing me,” said Rainbow with a suspicious side-glance. “Pretty… convenient.”
Twilight boggled at her. “I-I’m not making this up, Rainbow!”
“Remind me where in the play did we have Platinum macking on Smart Cookie for like an hour?”
“Oh… you saw that, huh.”
“You see a lot of things cloudbusting. Also, orange and purple show up real well on green grass,” commented Rainbow.
“That was from before I knew what the spell was looking for, I was just experimenting—” Twilight abruptly shut her mouth after hearing herself say that. Even to her, it sounded hokey.
Rainbow arched a brow at her. “Well, I don’t know magic, but I do know that Commander Hurricane would have never get on with some Princess unless she did something really awesome to impress him. So if you really wanna follow your spell. You’re going to have to impress me.”
Rainbow spread her wings and started to float with a few flaps. “Beat me in a race, and you’ll get your kiss!” She grinned.
“What?! This isn’t a game!” cried Twilight.
“Sure is! And a kiss is the prize!” Rainbow’s voice dwindled as she sped off.
Twilight appeared in front of Rainbow with a flash and tried to grab. She ended up only hugging empty air as Rainbow effortlessly zig-zagged around her.
“Get back here!” Twilight yelled. Rainbow blew a raspberry over her shoulder and continued zooming off. Twilight readied a bolt of stunning magic.
Rainbow executed a barrel roll and deflected the shot off her wingtips. She was moving fast enough now to be glowing in a multicolored bubble.
Twilight cursed before teleporting herself beside Rainbow again, this time flapping as hard as she could muster.
“Hah! Only took you two times to quit cheating,” teased Rainbow as she flipped herself over and began doing the aerial equivalent of a backstroke. Slowing, but still out of Twilight’s reach.
Twilight didn’t have breath for an answer but pumped her wings all the harder under Rainbow’s taunts.
Rainbow smirked, mimed yawning until Twilight’s muzzle started to get close to her tail. She flicked Twilight on the nose with it before flipping over and resuming her forward stroke, immediately wiping out Twilight’s gain by several paces. “Getting there! Just a little more, egghead!”
Twilight growled and threw all her effort into flapping, and the distance between her and Rainbow closed.
Rainbow glanced back, did a double take before splaying out her wings in a sudden brake that lifted her upwards. Twilight shot out from underneath and fell like a purple rocket into a long stretch of clouds. She bellyflopped once, twice and then crashed into a mound of the plush, yielding cloud stuff.
Twilight groaned and sprawled out in her exhaustion, shoving her face into the cloud.
Rainbow landed on Twilight a few seconds later and nuzzled her ear. “That was a pretty awesome try there, you almost got me,” she murmured.
Twilight was too tired to even squeak from the weight on her back. “It...hah… it’s… hah… not a joke,” she panted.
“Naw. The only joke is that you really thought you needed to win a race to get me to kiss you. Still impressed though.”
Twilight rolled over to look up at the smirking Rainbow, but before she could make a reply Rainbow moved in and kissed her.
They were both warm from the race and a little sweaty. Not exactly the most romantic of situations, though Twilight being out of breath felt herself sucking on Rainbow’s lips. I must seem like a needy wonderbolt fangirl!
When they broke Rainbow’s smirk reversed into a frown. “Hmm. It didn’t fall off you. Hold up, let's try again.”
Twilight blinked. “It should only take one. Wait! Rainbow, wa—” Once again Twilight found herself cut off by a pony muzzle on hers.
Rainbow peeled away and peered at the collar. This time she got angry. “I’m not letting some stupid collar tell me which pony I care about! Pucker up, Twilight! We’re going at this until it’s off you!”
Twilight gasped, “No! Rainbow, it doesn’t have an opin—” But of course then Rainbow’s mouth was on hers, again.
Internally Twilight sighed. Every. Bucking. Time. She wondered if she should be offended or flattered that most preferred kissing her over listening to her.
Twilight soon started squirming and blew out a ‘mmmf!' Rainbow’s hoof had petted along her flank and had now drifted down to fondle around her cutie mark.
After hearing that muffled protest, Rainbow pulled off. “What?”
“It’s a foal’s storybook, Rainbow,” Twilight insisted. “Definitely only about kissing.”
Rainbow’s ears drooped. “Aww, that’s no fu—”
Twilight grinned as she interrupted Rainbow Dash with a kiss of her own. Payback!
Back at Fluttershy’s, Discord was in the lounge while Fluttershy was off doing dishes. He sat with a newspaper spread between claw and paw, corn pipe in his muzzle as well as a pair of fatherly glasses.
“So you spent the afternoon chasing after your marefriend, making out with her in the clouds, and somehow this is my fault?” said Discord to a rumpled-maned Twilight. He blew some disapproving soap bubbles from his corn pipe at her.
“Rainbow isn’t my—agh! That’s not the point. The point is that your collar is still on me and I’m still going to be a frog by midnight!” Twilight answered with a furious blush.
Discord rolled his eyes, several times and in several directions. “Well if you can stop looking to indulge your fantasies, you have to woo a pony without telling them what is at stake first.”
Twilight facehoofed. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?!”
“I thought it was obvious! The frog in the story didn’t tell the princess he was a prince now did he? What is the point of romance and accepting an ugly creature if the princess knew she was getting a free handsome hubby out of it?” Discord chuffled. “Face it Twilight; every pony adores you enough to want to help you the minute you ask. You have to woo them! Go woo somepony who doesn’t know about the curse yet.”
“Why Twilight what a pleasant surprise!” Rarity said as she opened the door of her boutique. “I was just setting up shop for the summer sale. I could use a little help if you're not busy.”
Twilight’s ears perked. “Nope! Not busy at all. I’d love to help.” She forced a big, broad smile and added, “Sweep sweep sweep, that’s me!” She laughed nervously.
“Well. The floors are not that bad off. What I really need is your skill at sorting,” Rarity said and gestured towards a pile of colorful fabrics on a worktable. “Those awful transporters mixed them all up!” She lifted two bolts of nearly identical cloth. “Just look at it! Ocean Turquoise paired with River Turquoise. I swear they must be blind.”
“Yes, so very terrible,” agreed Twilight and approached the table. Rarity had sat in front of it on one side and clearly expected Twilight to sit across on the other end. Twilight instead sat on Rarity’s side.
Rarity blinked and scooted over to accommodate. Twilight began helping her sort the cloth, she didn’t have Rarity’s eye for fashion, but she could at least match colors.
“You know, I don’t do this for just anypony,” commented Rarity.
“You don’t?!” Twilight despaired.
Rarity looked surprised by that reaction. “Well no, I wouldn’t let anypony come into the boutique during off hours. Especially with a sale coming up. Buuuut I think for you, Twilight I can make a special exception. Call it the savior of Equestria bonus.” She giggled and tapped a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder.
Twilight laughed overloudly. “Oh! Thanks, Rarity. You’re so generous. I always appreciate you, how generous you are, that is.” When Rarity’s hoof touched her shoulder, Twilight put hers over it.
Rarity's smile faltered when she tried to tug her hoof back, needing to pull several times before Twilight let it go. “Still. It’s a surprise to have you here at all. You never seemed all that interested in sales. Or fashion for that matter.”
“Oh, I like… beautiful things and there are a lot of beautiful things in this boutique,” suggested Twilight with a waggle of her brow.
“Something in your eye?” Rarity asked, perplexed at Twilight’s expression. Her own eyes dropped down, and she gasped, “Oh! What is that around your neck? It looks positively delightful!”
Twilight reached with both hooves and covered herself with wings. “Oh! This! Uh… I…” She looked around the boutique for inspiration. “I came to find something to match it. You know, summer sale. Best time to get a dress and you’re the best, so...”
“Oh darling, you could have just said from the start! Let me pack up these piles, and we can get right to work at making you a dress.” Rarity stood and floated the sorted cloth over to a nearby cabinet.
Twilight chewed on her hoof and watched Rarity walk to the cabinet when an idea struck her. I’ll just put my face near hers so when she turns around her lips will bump into mine. That always works in story books too. Kiss given and then I can explain all of this.
Hoofstep by hoofstep, Twilight approached Rarity. As she edged herself closer and closer she ran her tongue over her lips. Once prepped she started to lean close.
Rarity finished packing away the cloth and caught the movement in a nearby mirror. She whirled in time to put a hoof up against Twilight’s chest.
Twilight lunged the rest of the way, lips puckering, before promptly getting her nose clubbed by a hairbrush.
“Aieee! Away with you, you fiend!” shrieked Rarity, “Are you some kind of changeling?! What have you done with Twilight?!” She wielded the hairbrush in the air between them with her magic.
Twilight fell on her flanks with her forehooves on her nose. “N-No, I want… I need…” Twilight’s eyes started to water with her frustration. “A kiss,” she finally said.
Rarity blinked at seeing Twilight’s tears. “Goodness, it is you! Sweetie, there are better ways to get that from a mare. You could try asking, for instance.”
Twilight slumped in her misery, what could she say without ruining her hope at breaking the spell?
Rarity’s brow furrowed at Twilight’s silence and expression. “Wait, don’t take it like that!” She puffed. “Gracious, I never even knew you felt this way.”
Twilight sighed. “I’m… just making things worse by staying. I’ll explain it better tomorrow.” If I even can by then.
While walking to the door, Twilight heard the hairbrush clatter to the ground moments before a pair hooves landed on her shoulders and spun her about. All at once Rarity was there, kissing her with a firm intensity.
Twilight’s mouth was slack from the surprise and Rarity showed just how much Prench she’d learned from her worldly travels. A wiggle of her tongue, soft and dainty along with a small exchange of breath. Twilight even caught the taste of mint.
Probably her morning tea. Twilight thought madly, starting to giggle.
Rarity pulled away then and smiled. “There we are. Feeling better? Never let it be said that a customer ever left my boutique unhappy.” She gently patted Twilight’s cheek with a hoof adding. “Though if you're looking for anything else. I expect us to go on a few dates, first!”
Twilight felt a little guilty and didn’t want to be leading Rarity on. Well… You could just go on that date later, anyway collar or not.
A glance downward showed Twilight that it was a moot point as she still hadn’t lost her frog curse. “I would like to, Rarity. But there is something important I need to handle. I can’t… exactly tell you what yet. But I promise by tomorrow I’ll explain.”
Rarity looked concerned. “Well, alright. It isn’t serious is it?”
Twilight sighed, “We’ll see. But for now, I really need to go. I have to sort the rest of this out before it’s too late.”
“And you said she kissed you? Even after you threw yourself at her?” Discord asked, astonished. “Well, that certainly should have worked. Her giving you a pity kiss out of her inherent generosity.”
Twilight frowned at him. “It wasn’t a pity kiss! Well, not exactly, but it should have been enough. This is why you don’t use subtext, Discord!” She shook her head. “All the elements were there. She didn’t know about the spell, she initially turned me down then came around and kissed me out of her own volition when I had given up.”
Twilight planted her face on the nearby desk and rattled the cups on it. “She even was Princess Platinum for Hearth’s warming. It couldn’t have been more fitting!”
Discord twisted himself into a pretzel shape and groused, “If you and Deputy Friendship Horse didn’t supercharge this spell then maybe we wouldn’t be here and— eh? What’s that?”
Twilight looked up at him. “Hearth’s Warming Eve. We do the play every year. Rainbow was Commander Hurricane and Rarity was Princess Platinum.”
Discord blinked at her, his eyes making electric click-clacks when he did. “Twilight. Did you have a role in this play?”
“Of course, I played Clover the Clever.”
“Well tell me, Twilight the Not-Clever, why would a spell conditional not be met when you have such a fitting analog?” Discord had put on a black robe with a green snake badge on the front, his mane now an oiler shade of black, slick over his brows.
Twilight frowned at both antics and the question. “Because… Princess Platinum never fell in love or kissed Clover the Clever.”
“Correct! Ten points to Alicorns,” intoned Discord before banishing his outfit. “If we work on being historical then it’s the strongest match yet for the conditional. Who did Clover end up smooching?”
Twilight squinted as she tried to remember her history. “He… he traveled with Platinum until she married Hurricane and then… Pansy!” Her eyes widened as the front door opened in time to jog her memory.
“Is everything still going alright in there? I heard you two shouting, urm... again.” Fluttershy had been spending most of the day outside tending to her animals though every so often she checked in on them.
Discord looked between Twilight and Fluttershy and chortled. “Oh, this is going to be good.”
Behind the town's public stage, Twilight threw on the familiar burlap sack with its simple rope necklace. “Thanks for helping with all of this on such short notice, Pinkie."
“Hee! It wasn’t any trouble. I always keep Pony Play Party Preparation Packs around for this veeerrrry situation!”
Twilight peered at her. “Just how often does the need for a spontaneous play happen?”
Pinkie gave her a knowing glance. “More than you think! Musicals can show up just as much as the songs do.”
“That much, huh?” Twilight marveled before turning to face Pinkie. “How do I look?”
Pinkie put a hoof to her chin as she considered. “Missing something… Oh! I know!”
With a firm grip on Twilight’s shoulders, Pinkie pulled her forward into a kiss.
Twilight mumbled, though didn’t struggle too much. Years of knowing Pinkie had dulled her sense of shock or surprise at anything Pinkie did.
Compared to the other mares she’d kissed, Pinkie had an inherent softness to her features that was welcoming. Not to mention her muzzle was practically glazed with sweetness. That enthusiasm for another pony’s happiness seemed to keep in full feeling with the way her lips played on Twilight’s. Sweet in the figurative and literal.
Twilight vaguely wondered about the calorie count of Pinkie’s kisses.
When they broke, Twilight chuckled. “What was that for?”
“For luck, silly!” Pinkie replied before they both glanced down at Twilight’s collar. “Aww! I wanted to be the special somepony.”
Twilight smiled. “You’ll always be special to me, Pinkie. Besides, I don’t think Puddinghead ever made out with Clover.”
Pinkie grinned and kissed Twilight again on the nose. “His loss!”
Discord sat pointedly between the two mares, forcing them to scoot apart. He then snapped his paw fingers to conjure an extra row of chairs just so he could put his foot and hoof up, despite being in the front row. “Oh ho. I can’t wait to see such a performance! I’m glad you girls held my seat.”
Starlight looked around. The audience consisted of exactly two ponies and a draconequus. “Yeah, it’s a real sold out show.”
Discord loudly munched from a bag of popcorn. “Oh, I’m sure many would pay extra for seeing mares kiss at a show. Isn’t that right?” He directed his question to the third audience member.
“Trixie amazes and delights crowds with her feats of incredible illusions… though if her equally amazing and wonderful assistant wishes to try for a kiss at the next show... Trixie would not refuse giving it a try,” declared Trixie with a hopeful glance toward Starlight.
Starlight rolled her eyes. “Trixie, I think if we started doing that on stage it’d attract a different clientele, one not so interested in magic.”
Trixie stuck her tongue out and replied in a plainer, less grandiose tone. “Would be worth it.”
Discord grinned and munched his popcorn.
Starlight looked up at him. “You know, I’m surprised you’re okay with this, Fluttershy kissing somepony.”
Discord stopped mid-munch and squinted an eye at Starlight. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I dunno. You seem like the jealous, possessive type.”
Discord flicked a popcorn kernel to bounce it between Starlight’s eyes. “Anypony ever tell you’re as subtle as a brick and just as sweet?”
Trixie laughed. “Starlight only keeps quiet with ponies she really cares about.”
Starlight shook the corn from her hair before she snorted at Trixie. “Oh don’t you start now...”
“But for your information, Fluttershy is her own pony and can kiss whomever she feels like kissing. Any friendship or feelings she has for anypony doesn’t affect the feelings and friendship she has for me,” recited Discord.
Starlight and Trixie shared a glance.
“Friendship lesson?” Trixie wondered.
“Definitely a friendship lesson,” replied Starlight.
“It wasn’t from Twilight!” said Discord defensively before muttering, “Fluttershy taught me this one herself.”
Trixie looked for a place to put a comforting hoof on Discord and ended up patting his tail instead. “Trixie will reveal that she herself had trouble with Starlight until Starlight told Trixie how to behave.” She grinned and raised a hoof to stage whisper to Discord behind it. “But sometimes a little trouble makes it all the better.”
Discord smirked at Starlight. “Teaching how ponies to ‘behave’? How very Twilight of you.”
Starlight sighed.
Trixie and Discord laughed, and eventually, Starlight joined in. However, all three quieted when movement from the stage drew their attention.
“Are you sure this will work?” Starlight whispered over to Discord.
Discord snapped his fingers to conjure a large soda to obnoxiously slurp from before answering, “Not at all! Though I have every confidence that it will somehow.”
“Is that faith in your chaos whatever?” asked Trixie.
“Nope! Just look at us. We’re living proof that she and her friends can work miracles. Now hush the show is starting.”
Spike stepped onto the stage with his master-of-ceremonies bowtie and hat on. He lifted a index card and read it.
“Ladies and gentledragoncolts. Welcome to the preview of ‘An After Winter’s Tale’. After Hearth’s Warming Eve had shown that the different tribes could work together, the question remained: Could they love?”
The stage curtains pulled up to reveal a scene set in front of a cardboard castle. Rarity in her Princess Platinum costume trotted alongside Twilight in her Clover the Clever outfit.
“I can’t believe my father wants me to marry a pegasus! They don’t even have princes! Just sergeants, captains and—”
Overhead Rainbow Dash flew by, swatting aside cardboard cut-outs of clouds, dressed in her Hurricane outfit.
“—commanders,” finished Platinum, staring open mouthed.
“Is everything alright, your majesty?” Clover asked.
Platinum shook her head hard enough to bounce her ringlets and set her oversized crown askew. “Well. If it’s for the good of my nation, I will woo that stud.”
“Your majesty seems to have gotten a quick appreciation for diplomacy,” deadpanned Clover.
Platinum made a ‘harrumph’ noise. “Dearie, they are not our rivals any longer. Besides a lady can appreciate a colt who knows where to put his hooves.”
Rainbow broke one of the cardboard cutouts with an enthusiastic buck.
Spike ruffled cards and read from the next. “Though the Princess found that Pegasi were pragmatic and often more about substance over style.”
“What do you mean they aren’t any good?!” Platinum wailed, “These are some of the finest clothes in Equestria!”
“Yeah, but you can’t even take a step without tripping over your own hooves! And being on the ground, you’ll have to gallop to keep up with me!” Hurricane replied with a soldier’s curt honesty.
Hurricane turned and flew while Platinum scrambled to trot after him only to make a pratfall on her nose, sending her crown skittering across the floor. She tossed her hooves in a overly dramatic tantrum as the curtain fell.
Spike flipped through his cards. “The princess grew up getting everything she ever wanted. Having a pony turn down her hoof in marriage was devastating! But, it put to her that if a pegasus was ever to respect a Unicorn she had to do something truly ‘magical’.”
As the stage was too short for much physical action, Rainbow flapped in place with hooves outstretched. Off stage, Applejack worked the winch to make the cardboard clouds move behind Rainbow and a fan blowing in from the side, giving the impression of Hurricane flying at speed.
“Clover! Just look at him! The love of my life is flying away, and he doesn’t even know it!” cried Platinum.
“Love of your life?” Clover asked incredulously.
Platinum’s mascara ran with her tears. “I must have him!” She demanded before breaking out into sobs, “I know I could woo him if he would only listen...”
“I can help get you to him, but you’ll have to do the rest,” answered Clover while lighting his horn.
Platinum gasped as the purple magic lifted her through the air. After a momentary wobble, she soon grinned and pointed herself towards Hurricane. “For love!” She didn’t even stop to recover her crown when she zoomed through the air after the pegasus.
Spike continued his narration. “Hurricane never thought that a unicorn could ever match him at the thing he was best at and the old soldier soon found appreciation for some fancy with his fierceness after all.”
“You can fly!” Hurricane exclaimed as Platinum flew up to meet him.
“Not only that! I can dance!” replied Platinum as she put her hooves out and did an aerial pirouette. Her dress which had been long and impractical on the ground now flowed and bloomed out in the air. “Care to have one?”
Hurricane grinned and bowed his head, seeping off his helmet with a gesture. “Don’t mind if I do… my lady.” Soon both pegasus and unicorn were swinging and dancing in the air together.
Spike lifted the last card from the deck. “Now on equal hoofing, the Princess and Commander would go on aerial escapades. Though while Platinum impressed Hurricane, there was another pony who got quite the revelation herself, in the most unlikely of places.”
Clover stood behind a bush with his horn lit, watching the pair above him, so focused on his task that he didn’t see Pansy come up and try to pick one of the flowers.
Pansy’s hoof landed on Clover’s shoulder instead of a flower stem and she let out a gasp when the unicorn leapt from the bush in surprise. After straightening her askew helmet, Pansy blinked. “Clover! You’ve been the one helping them?”
“Please don’t tell! Platinum… she needs all the help she can get,” begged Clover with a glance above.
“That’s so sweet of you to do that for Rari— um… Platinum.” Pansy raised a hoof to her mouth and giggled. “Hurricane is terrible at picking flowers, and he asked me to bring them a bouquet to give to Platinum. I guess we're both helping in our own way.”
“And so as the leaders of the unicorns and pegasi warmed to each other, so did their assistants until the day…” Spike gestured.
The play had been a hastily put together affair and most of the time was time spent in convincing Fluttershy in a way to make it seem believable without tipping her off. The result was a play that was more improv than scripted, particularly now as Twilight hadn’t been sure if writing in a kiss counted for the spell.
Above them Rarity and Rainbow danced and spun with hooves touching before drawing together close. Rarity’s head lifted and Rainbow’s face lowered.
“It looks like they are falling for each other!” Twilight declared.
Fluttershy clopped her hooves together, letting out a small voiced cheer. “Oh, that’s wonderful! I’m glad we were able to help them.”
“I’m going to miss working together with you,” Twilight said with an emphasis on wistfulness.
Fluttershy thought on what her next line should be and put a hoof to her chin.
Around them the stage had gone quiet. Rarity and Rainbow looking from above. Applejack hauled on the rope winch and Spike wrung his claws. Twilight bit her lip and looked out from the stage towards the town center. The large town hall clock was distant, but she could make out how close to midnight it was. Should she try for another hint? How much would be leading?
“LADIES! Please! Contain yourselves till after the show!” Discord’s yell broke the silence. In his lap, Starlight and Trixie were up against one another face to face.
Twilight boggled at the sight until she squinted and saw how Starlight and Trixie’s muzzles were scrunched and Discord’s claw and paw were on their backs. He had lifted them up and put them together.
Starlight saw Twilight looking at her out of the corner of her eye. Slowly, but surely, she put her hooves on Trixie’s shoulders, tilted her head and turned the forced muzzle smoosh into a real kiss.
Twilight never felt more proud of her student for remembering a lesson.
Trixie for her part either caught on or couldn’t pass up making out with Starlight and started reciprocating.
Fluttershy giggled. Discord’s interruption didn’t phase her as she was so very well used to it. The inspiration worked to goad her into a line. “Clover, it doesn’t have to be the end. I really like you. Maybe… maybe we can stay together, too.” Fluttershy leaned and touched her lips to Twilight’s.
Twilight trembled, this would be the last kiss she ever got as a pony if it didn’t work. She pressed back, trying not to show her desperation, reaching to hug her friend as she did. She hoped Fluttershy would take good care of her as a frog.
Like her personality, Fluttershy was sweet, kind, and accommodating, tipping her head in just a way to make the kiss inviting. Twilight was too nervous to Prench but felt Fluttershy would have simply taken it in stride. Twilight peeked an eye open and found herself matching gazes with Fluttershy. The caretaker mare was looking to her, with an expression pure and innocent, yet adoring as well.
The opposite of ‘The Stare’...
Twilight’s thoughts started to fuzz and her horn winked off. Somewhere above, Rarity let out half a scream before Rainbow caught her and clopped a hoof over her mouth.
Click!
There was a sound of something clattering to the ground. Fluttershy broke the kiss with a gasp and looked. “Oh no! Your collar fe—”
Twilight with the weight literally off her neck, felt the figurative one move off her heart. She pulled Fluttershy close and rained kisses on the prettiest yellow muzzle she’d ever seen. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”
Fluttershy ‘eek’d’, each kiss turning her rosier and rosier at the cheeks. “Tw-Twilight, it’s j-just a play!” She stammered in-between each kiss.
It took some explaining afterwards, though Twilight didn’t mind. She had time now, all the time in Equestria, and explaining is what she did best. Pinkie Pie announced that the actors should do the traditional post-play party in Twilight’s castle. Naturally, Pinkie had already set up banners and prepared a cake.
Twilight was about to ask how Pinkie could be so sure that they’d be coming home with a victory until she saw a jar of frosted flies that Pinkie quickly hid behind one of the congratulatory signs. Pinkie Preparedness indeed.
“I think if there is a lesson to be had, it’s that I have the best friends in Equestria,” announced Twilight, settling back into her cutie-chair at the round table after thoroughly enjoying her pony-appropriate slice of cake. Avoiding her froggy fate had it taste all the sweeter.
Rarity flounced her mane still adorned with a crown. “It was certainly a change from all the adventure and heroics we're usually involved with. Most of our drama is the hoof biting kind, not the theatrical kind.”
“Ya know ya can take that off now,” said Applejack to Rarity with a chortle.
“Piffle! Let me be a princess a little while longer. It’s not like I’m on my way to turning into a frog,” said the Platinum stand-in.
Fluttershy smiled. “I’m just glad I was able to help, though couldn’t we still do the play without the curse? It was still a beautiful story.”
Pinkie giggled. “Yeah! We can put even more kissing in it now that we don’t have to worry about distracting everypony from the main one.”
“Hold up! I think everypony is forgetting one important thing,” announced Rainbow with a stern clop of her hoof on the map-table. Her commander outfit lent her an air of authority as she pointed right at Twilight. “You still haven’t told us which kiss you liked the best!”
Twilight blinked as all eyes turned towards her. “Girls, it wasn’t a competition.”
“Not a competition, ‘cuz you already decided, huh?” Applejack commented with some smug assuredness.
“We should be kind to Twilight. It’s not fair on her to have to say my kiss was the best just because it broke the curse,” said Fluttershy in Twilight’s ‘defense’.
“Sweetie, that kiss was given out of necessity! Truly it’s the ones given out of generosity that count the most. If you had only seen how miserable Twilight was in my shop before I gave her my ‘special.’”
“Yeah? Well, she broke the sound barrier coming after mine!” Rainbow huffed.
Twilight tried to wave them off. “Please, you don’t have to fight about it! It doesn’t matter whose was better.”
Applejack’s fork bobbled in her mouth like a hay stem. “Shucks, we’re grown mares, Twilight. We can handle being second best if that’s where it end up bein’.”
Rainbow squinted suspiciously at Applejack’s all too quick glance over to her. “Hey!”
Pinkie Pie waved one of her hooves enthusiastically. “I’m curious too! Aren’t you reallllly great at breaking down abstract situations into simple to understand laypony prose using mathematical proofs and assorted concepts?” When the others stared at Pinkie, she put her hooves up. “What? She is!”
Twilight sighed. “Fine. If you’re all so curious… Spike get the chalkboard. I need to draw up some matrices.”
“So you can see based on variables such as lip pressure, taste, sensation and other factors you can plot a logarithmic graph that takes into account all the functions,” Twilight said as she clattered the chalk after filling out every available space on the blackboard with numbers.
Rainbow jolted from her doze when she heard the rattle of the chalk. “Huh! Oh, yeah. Um. Hey, Twilight I think I'm gonna go get some sleep. It’s way past midnight and you’re not a frog so, yeah.”
“Got my mornin’ chores to be thinking of too.”
“Oof, is it that late? I never did get a chance to finish preparations for my sale. Something for the ‘morrow.”
“Discord tries his best, but he always mixes up feeding the animals when I’m away. I really should go home and check on them.”
When the last of Twilight’s friends left Spike walked up to the chalkboard and looked at it.
“You really don’t have any idea which was the best, do you?” Spike observed.
Twilight smiled as she started erasing the showy and purposefully over-complicated nonsense formula she had written. “Of course not, I love all my friends.”
