I Think I Summoned a Ponk: The Arrival of Derp

by TheMajorTechie

First published

Quite self explanatory.

This story is comment driven! Have fun!

:trollestia: Oh, you knew this was gonna happen. :trollestia:

Let’s just say that Pinkie’s in my house. Also, I still don’t have much of an idea of where she came from. Nor do I really know about the new girl...pegasus...um...derp.

The official official sequel to the original. Ignore "From One End to Another". That ended up being part of a series of semi-related fics that I still quite regret writing.

The Derpster Arrives

View Online

“Hey,”

Urk.

“Hellooooooo?”

“Go back to sleep, Pinkie.” I groaned. It was a Saturday, and on days like these, sleep was golden.

“How about a muffin?”

... That’s new. The voice, I mean.

I cracked an eye ope--

Well geez, that sure sounds like it hurt. Do you want some tape? Oh! I got superglue!

What-- no. Please get out of my head for now, Pinkie. Who’s the new girl, anyways?

Okies! I’ve just ba-”-arely pulled Derpy from your backpack. She said she wanted muffins.”

Wait, what?

"Do you wanna say hi to her? Say hi, Derpy!"

"Hya!"

Hrm.

Finally, I arose from my wonderful slumber that allowed me to traverse across multiple realities created by my own willpower sleep to take a better look at the pony in question.

“Hya! I’m Muffins! Do you want some Derpy?”

Erm. Pretty sure that didn't come out correctly.

“Sure?” I murmured, mildly afraid of what could possibly come from the pony Pinkie had brought with her.

*MMMMUUUUFFFFFFFIIINNNNNSSSSS!!!*

Oh. My house is now flooded with muffins. I kinda expected that.

“Where’d you get those, anyways, uh... Derpy?” I asked, wading through the chest-deep sea of muffins that had appeared seconds prior. At least, I’m assuming that the mare switched “Muffins” and “Derpy” when she said that...

Pinkie ruffled her mane, causing a handful more muffins to rain down. Welp. That sure explains it.

“Also, how did she get here?”

Derpy waved her hoof in dismissal, sending a muffin ricocheting past my head. “I just got ejected from reality. Again!”

"No," Pinkie countered with a pout, "You said you wanted to know what I was doing when I reappeared in Equestria!"

I’ll ignore that for now.

“So... uh, what are we gonna do now?” I asked, still wading through the muffins, “We’re kinda trapped in... muffins.”

Pinkie shrugged, and moments later, a loud sucking sound, followed by the visible draining of muffins began to occur. Soon enough, the room was once again muffin-free. (That is, if you don’t count the one Derpy’s still holding.)

THE POWER OF MUFFINS COMPELS YOU.

View Online

...

...

Why is it suddenly dark outside?

"THE POWER OF MUFFINS COMPELS YOU!" Derpy hollered, leaping up before me in a black-draped muffin-suit-thing.

Pinkie giggled. "Silly Derpy!", she exclaimed, "You can't start a cult!"

...

At least... not yet...

"Wat." I deadpanned, watching the two bickering over when was the correct time to raise a world-dominating cult.

"Exactly!" both replied at once, Derpy throwing off her muffin-suit, and Pinkie catching it as it fluttered through the air for a brief moment.

Just like, half an hour into my morning, and things are already weird as usual. It'd be nice if I could maybe get a bre--

--ak from it all? Sure!

OH NO PLEASE NO, PINKIE--

*SHOOP DA WHOOP*


Oh, cool. So are we in some sort of parallel universe or something?

You're close!

...Alternate universe?

Warmer!

Okay, give me a hint, Pinkie. Does it have something to do with the fact that Derpy isn't in this place with us?

Nope!

Then where is she?

A wild DERPY has appeared!

Oh. There she is. Never mind then.

Pinkie used CHOKE HOLD!

WHAT.

"PINKIE, NO!" I shouted, lunging at the mare.

"FUN!" screamed Pinkie, crushing Derpy even closer to her body.

"STOP IT!"

Pinkie used IT WASN'T REAL!

What.

"Gotcha." Pinkie sneered, ruffling Derpy's mane.

DERPY used SUCKER PUNCH!

"WHERE ARE THESE EVEN COMING FROM?!"

DERPY missed, and grabbed a muffin instead!

...

Okay, this may be one of the strangest pocket universes I've seen this week.

RIGHT ON THE NAIL. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Please no, Pinkie.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...

Swiggity Swooty

View Online

I'm comin' for that booty!

"Hu-GAH!" I shouted, jerking upright from my bed in surprise.

...Wait, that was all a dream?

Leave the life dreams to Dashie. That was real!

Please don't remind me.

Gotcha!

LET GO OF MY BUTT!

Awww...

I yawned, looking to the side. Pinkie, amazingly, was still sleeping soundly, with Derpy being completely curled up around the mare like some sort of magical living pony-scarf of sorts. I'm not gonna ask how she did it.

"Hey Derpster! How do you do it?" Pinkie said, literally popping awake.

Derpy, who was just flung against the window, (and consequently through said window,) shouted back, "WHAT?"

Pinkie grinned nervously before pulling Derpy back through the window with her rubberlike foreleg-arm-noodle-things.

"Whoopsies?"

...

Nevermind. What day is it today anyways? It felt like we spent an eternity in that wacko place.

"Monday morning, seven o' clock, tops!" Pinkie squealed, mashing my calendar into my face.

Crap.

Gotta go fast?

Yup.


"SANIC FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!" Pinkie yelled as we burst from my front door on a bike. Normally, I'd just hop on a bus or something, but considering how the bus kinda already made it's rounds a while back, I'm just gonna take the next best chance.

Of which, in this case, is my bike. And before you ask, yes, it's now powered entirely off of Pinkie's hyperactivity.

Hence why I'm now waiting for the police officer to give me my speeding ticket. 'Cause apparently, having a literal pink ball of energy propelling your bike into what seemed like warp-drive speeds still gives you a ticket even if you used a wormhole as a shortcut through traffic.

...

Since when were there even interdimensional cops, anyways?!

"And where'd Derpy go?!" I shouted in realization, staring back at the empty seat that the pegasus was in.

I'll get her! I think we left her back in the wormhole when I accidentally caused a timeline split!

Um.


~~~{Meanwhile, in a parallel universe...}~~~


"Wait a sec... where'd Pinkie go?! She was just here a moment ag--"

~~~Universe collision noises~~~

"--oh. Here she is. And geez, where'd all this smoke come from?"

"Didn't you read the lines? I mashed the timelines together because if I didn't then there'd be two of everything!" Pinkie replied, dousing her flaming mane with a nearby garden hose from who-knows-where.

"What." I deadpanned as per usual, "Are. You. Even. Talking. About?"

"I don't know!" Pinkie replied, pulling a rocket out of nowhere. "Now come on, you're gonna be late!"

In which Pinkie has the Elements of Definitely-Totally-Harmony.

View Online

Pinkie, Derpy, and I burst into class. Literally. Through the wall. On a rocket. At the speed of sound. With a pungent smell of burnt cupcakes wafting around us. Because we were all on fire.

Not anymore!

*le sploosh*

Aaaaaand we're drenched. And poor Derpy's upset as well. Her muffins are soggy.

*le flame*

Aaaaaand we're on fire again, but Derpy's now got crispy muffins.

*kersplishysplash*

"PINKIE" I screamed, "WILL YOU STOP CONTROLLING THE ELEMENTS?!"

"What?" Pinkie shrugged in return, holding up what seemed to be a pile of jewelry. "These elements?"


~~~{Meanwhile, in one of the many Equestrias of the multiverse...}~~~

"WHERE ARE THEY?!" Twilight screamed as Cybernetically-Enhanced Tirekicorn lumbered through Ponyville, "PINKIE, I SWEAR, IF YOU TOOK THEM AGAIN, I'LL PERSONALLY BANISH YOU TO TARTARUS!"

"Woah." said the aforementioned Cyberneticaly-Enhanced Tirekicorn, grabbing the tiny Twilight by the scruff of her neck, "Evil enchanteress, I'm guessing?"

Definitely-not-an-evil-enchanteress-of-the-dark-arts-Twilight scowled deeply at the vailiant protector of Equestria.

"Meh." Tirek continued, flicking the pony into a nearby conveniently located opened pony-sized cage flanked by guards, "Take her to Celestina, guys."


Suddenly, the pile of jewelry began to shudder violently, glowing with the entire visible spectrum of light.

*le boom*

The Chase

View Online

First I get a traffic ticket from speeding on a bike, but was that the most of it? NOPE!

'Cause apparently, a certain somebody decided it was a good idea to bring highly unstable artifacts out of their designated reality, and cause a freakin' NUCLEAR RAINBOW.

Not that it's actually nuclear, but it does help put the image into one's mind as far as the scale of destruction goes.

Either way, the three of us-- me, Pinkie, and Derpy, are kinda on the run now from a squadron of SWAT guys who were deployed after the explosion.

...

...

How come I don't hear the sirens anymore?

Derpy! That's why!

I turned towards Derpy. Except... she wasn't there anymore. After a good bit of squinting in the direction Pinkie motioned me to look, I could barely make out the figure of a large, frighteningly intimidating...

Derpy in a Mechanized-Muffin-Power-Suit... thing.

And sheesh, does that mare know how to fight!

...

...

Alrighty now, Anon's getting a bit boring, so let's get a sudden out-of-body experience!

Wait wha--

*le dead*

...

So apparently, I'm a ghost now. All I'm gonna say is that my body landed in what looks like a very painful position.

Come on, I didn't kick you out of your own body just to let you stare at yourself in a totally not creepy way!

Fine. Let's see what Derpy's doing.

Yay!

I see... Derpy... firing muffin stun-grenades?

"Stand back, uh-- whatever you are!" one of the officers yelled towards the head of the Derpy-Muffin-Bot-Thingy, before being "booped" (complete with sound effects) by a large, disembodied floating hand made of muffins.

Whoops! Looks like Derpy's gonna be picking you up now. See? She turned on the muff-thrusters!

... So...

Lemme stuff you back into your body now!

Suddenly, I painfully gasped for air as I pulled my physical face from a cactus.