> Ponies Go Greek
>  by Pablo Arthur Fawkes
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> The Carrot of Discord
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight had been organizing the wedding for months. Her love with Flash was so perfect and pure that she needed the wedding to be as perfect, otherwise the way she felt may be marred forever by the memory of her ruined best day ever. She couldn't let anything stand in the way of a precise ceremony, not even friends. She had let Fluttershy manage the music in conjunction with the finest composer in all of Canterlot, Applejack and Pinkie Pie were making the confectionary, Rarity was designing the dress and Flash's suit, which were being made by the best sewing professionals (whom she had to repeatedly refrain from referring to as "sewers" in writing). Even Rainbow Dash had been given some stupid busy work to keep her distracted. So now, in the invitations stage, she may have to forget to write one or two. For example, Discord may fail to find an invitation in the mail. She also may have forgotten to give Fluttershy a plus one just in case. And Flash's friend, if you could call their relationship "friendship", may have been left out of the list through some error. Possibly when Twilight kindly discouraged Flash from making him the colt of honour, which would leave him in the position of making a speech on their behalf. Hopefully they wouldn't take it personally.





The day of the wedding. Twilight was getting ready in her dressing room, Flash was slamming Mountain Dews to calm his nerves, and all of the other ponies were going about their business. Even Rainbow Dash was still preoccupied with the meaningless tasks that she had been given. Everything was going smoothly. As such, none of them noticed the carrot fading into existence on the table of gifts. 
None of them noticed except a small white pony with a mess of bright blue hair who stepped towards the gift table at the exact moment that it started to appear. She shook her head at the simple trick obviously being played by some little child wanting to cause her some form of alarm, left her gift of pristine vinyl EPs, and walked back to her seat. it was customary to leave a gift for the bride and groom, or any royalty attending the event.





Anon sat at home on the couch. He knew a royal wedding was happening, but apparently a human ambassador wasn't worthy of being best man, or colt of honour, or even a guest. In his younger, more wild days, he'd turn up to the reception and get smashed at the free bar.
But those days were behind him. He understood why Twilight held her cynicism towards him, he didn't blane her. Besides, what did they have that he didn't? Drink? Fancy food? Good music? Anon could think of nothing better than sitting in his armchair, a glass of bourbon in his hand, small quiches in his stomach, listening to the fine cello playing of his favourite musician, and true love, Octavia.

"Nothing could be better than this."





The wedding had gone swimmingly, the reception was a blast, everyone had had a good time, good food, and they were then sitting around listening to some good music. The band even played some requests, although there are only so many times you can play "Sweet Home Apploosa" before you have to switch to a setlist.
After everyone had let their food go down, and all but the most personal guests had left, the wedding plan dictated it was time to open the gifts. Twilight looked at her new husband and felt no need to receive gifts. She decided that anything that was not necessary in her life would be given away. She already had the one luxury she desired.
The many gifts were wheeled to the royal ponies' table. Flash motioned for his bride to take the first. She brought it close to her and read the label. It was, in fact, for one "Twily". She guessed who it was from, looking to her big brother, his eyes stained from his liquid pride. She opened it up, and found it was an old, shabby book, titled '1001 Things for a Brother and Sister to do in Summer'.
"Remember when you kept asking how I thought of all those fun things to do?" He croaked, "I think you should have it" 
Twilights eyes welled, as they had already uncountable times that day. She moved to her brother and hugged him tightly. He, again, started sobbing. After two, three, four seconds, they both pulled away, smiling widely. They both moved back to the table, and Flash went to grab another present, before an exquisitely wrapped gift, soft white paper, a golden lace ribbon, found itself in his hooves, a golden aura holding it.
"You should open mine" the princess of the sun said, "I simply cannot wait to see what you think of mine. Surely, it will be the best gift here."
Flash looked towards Twilight and then began carefully unwrapping. As it became visible, the two realised what they were looking at. An amazing, smooth, pure white marble statue of the two standing below a sun reminiscent of Princess Celestia's cutie mark. The two were stunned. The manes and tails had perfect texture, even the small cutie marks on the marble flanks had been carved, just so slightly that they could be seen.
Twilight Sparkle looked up to her former mentor, her mouth agape "Princess, this is amazing. I did say that I didn't want anything TOO luxurious."
"Oh, pssh, it's nothing. You're my favourite pupil, after all."
"Well, thank you very much Princess." Twilight said, motioning to pick up the next gift in her reach, before finding herself holding one. It was a very large rectangle, deep dark black paper with a bright dazzling blue ribbon. Twilight glanced at Princess Luna, who stared back intensely, smiling in anticipation. Twilight slowly undid the bow, hoping that she would see a more practical present of some kind, maybe a cutting board or measuring scales. As she pulled the paper off, she saw a painting of herself and Flash laying together on the side of a river on a warm looking evening. The colours were very pale yet striking, and the picture had a sort of dreamlike quality,somewhat reminiscent of Clyde Ponet.
"I hope you like it, the critics are calling the creator the best artist of our generation," Luna boasted, "unfortunately, since he doesn't want to be seen doing commissioned work, I'm not allowed to say his name in public. I'll tell you two privately later."
Flash Sentry's brow began to sweat slightly, he wasn't really a fan of extravagant gifts. He felt the consumerist idea of them to somewhat dilute the feelings that one should put into a gift. He much preferred the gift from his brother in law, even if the emotions tied to the shabby book were not his own. At least there were now no more royal presents.
"If we're giving ours first," Princess Cadence said, "I have two here."
Two blue lumps found themselves in front of each of the couple. The two newlyweds unwrapped the gifts, finding clear, pure, crystal bookends, shaped and engraved to look like each of their cutie marks. The two looked at the Princess, both expecting her next words as much as they dreaded them. They looked at her, eyes wide, as they waited for her to finally speak. Their fears being confirmed would be better then the suspense.
"Do you like them? They're pure diamond." Her words were as they'd known they would be. Flash came close to screaming. All three of them knew that they didn't want anything expensive.
"So, what do you think?" The three princesses asked, tempting Flash to tell them the truth. He glanced to Shining Armor, who gave him a distinct, knowing look. A mixture of understanding, embarrassment, and empathetic sorrow. Luckily for Flash, Twilight spoke up before he had the chance to get himself banished.
"These gifts are amazing, and we both appreciate them greatly." She said, appeasing the three. Reaching for the next gift, Twilight was relived to not be enduring any more stress from the three royals. She picked up the heavy, metallic carrot. 
"So, let's see who this is for."





Anon rested his arm around Octavia's neck. In calm moments such as this, he would often reminisce about his earlier, more adventurous days. If you told him five years ago that his favourite moments would be sipping red wine as the love of his life snoozed beside him, he would have been highly sceptical. He thought about his many bizarre journeys; all the drinking and partying; his old rambunctious attitude, and the many ponies he helped, often inadvertently. Those days were fun, but he now much preferred his peaceful life. Given the opportunity between a quiet day in and another of his often confusing adventures, he'd pick staying in every time.
Anon moved his arm from Octavia's neck, and began to stand up. He looked down to the bleary eyed pony, stretching her back as she yawned.
"I'm sorry, I must have dozed off," she said, sleepily, "what time is it?"
"It's only half four. I was grabbing some tea, do you want a cup?"
"I suppose I better had," Octavia walked alongside him to their kitchen, "I'll help, I need to do something to wake me up."
"You couldn't grab the biccies for me could you?"
As they made their tea, Anon thought of their time together. The few months had felt like years. From their first meeting back several years ago, they couldn't have been more different. But as Anon matured, and Octavia gained an appreciation for the less fine things in life, their rivalry became a close friendship. Anon treasured the moment they had realised their bond was so much deeper than that.
They decided to take their tea to the garden. Looking out at the darkening sky, the short, lush grass, the trees and bushes, Anon felt a sense of pride.
"I know that face," Octavia said, "that's your reminiscing face. What's got you thinking of the past?"
"My old mate Flash got married today."
"Oh, dear, did you forget to go?"
"Nah, his missus doesn't like me. Twilight Sparkle. I get it, I wasn't the most cordial back when we met. It just got me thinking."
"Oh, that's never good!"
The couple chuckled together and kept drinking their tea. The blend was expensive, despite being incredibly rudimentary. It was the taste of the common tea from Anon's home. Equestrian shops rarely stocked imports from Earth. Even rarer were British imports. Anon thought about how his life may have been different if he'd never arrived in Ponyville. After the connection between the two worlds had fully opened, he could have gone back and continued his life. He could have finished school, opened a business.
"I'm glad we met," he said.
Octavia smiled and kissed her partner's cheek. "I am too. Even if you were impossible to like when we did."
"You weren't the easiest to get on with either," he chuckled lightly, running his had over her mane.
She slowly moved her mouth close to his ear. "I saw something amazing today. I know I should have told you first, but I wanted to surprise you. Wait right here."
She trotted into the house. It took her a few seconds to find what it was and bring it back out. She sat in front of Anon with a brown paper bag. She reached a hoof in and pulled out a small heart shaped bottle.
As she did, Anon found himself glowing with a golden aura.  The light startled the two. Octavia dropped the glass bottle as the light got brighter and brighter.
Sound rang as the bottle smashed at Octavia's hooves. Her love was no longer in front of her.



 

As the light dimmed, Anon found himself sitting on the floor, in front of a table of four princesses and two dukes.  Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence all looked exceptionally angry. Shining Armor looked embarrassed, and Princess Twilight and Flash were pretty much on the verge of tears.
"Oh, hello your majesties  may I ask what it is I'm doing here?"
"This gift says it's for the princess that represents the most beautiful thing," Celestia said through gritted teeth, "we need an impartial judge. That's you. So, obviously, you'll say it goes to me. The sun is the brightest and most golden thing there is." She reached for the carrot.
"Well," Luna said, pulling it away from her sister, "the moon is the shiniest thing, it does reflect sunlight. And you can actually look at it."
"Well, you can look at the Crystal Empire too! And walk in it, truly experience it. Without being banished, that is."
Anon suddenly became very tired of the squabbling. How could he choose between three equally beautiful things?
"I'll make you a duke if you pick me!" Celestia said impatiently.
"I'll give you a whole squadren of Batpony guards!" Luna rebutted.
"I'll give you the love of any mare you want!" Cadence said in futility, knowing that he was taken already.
Anon stood up, looked at the three, and began deciding what to say. He deliberated for a minute or so, before pacing slowly towards the table.
"Just now, I was sitting next to the woman I love. I was thinking of old times, both with Flash and in general. I thought of how Octavia and I met and of how she improved my life. That bond is the thing I treasure most in my life, it is the thing that kept me here, and the thing that matured me. I would not give that up for anything. I'd sooner live in a world with no sun, and no moon, than in one without her. For that reason, I must pick Cadence, as the representation of love." Anon said, only afterwards realising how choked up and teary he had gotten. "I'm sorry. Congratulations, Flash and Twilight. I'm glad you have each other."
The couple looked relieved. Whether due to the bickering being over or Anon not seeming bothered by his lack of invite, even they were unsure.
Anon looked back to the princesses, "If I may speak freely, the three of you should be ashamed. This is a day to celebrate this couple's love. Not to bicker about some metal produce. Seriously." The three alicorns looked at their hooves. "Now, if you don't mind?" He gestured to himself, and Celestia's horn glowed and Anon soon found himself back in his garden.

Octavia dropped the dustpan full of shattered glass and ran to Anon, her expression a mixture of worry and relief. She wrapped her hooves around him, clinging tightly. He responded in kind, slowly scanning the patio in front of him.
"Oh, baby. Your surprise smashed." Anon was disappointed. He really enjoyed the gifts she would buy for him.
"Oh, forget that, where did you go?"
"Actually, the princesses needed me to decide which of them represents the most beautiful thing."
"What did you say?"

"That I love you".