> Equestrian Alliance:  Menagerie
>  by Jack Hammer
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1:  Into the Jungle
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





Have you ever tried to sleep with a few dozen monsters bellowing and roaring nearby?
It's difficult, at best.  The mere sight of some of the things we are keeping would haunt your nightmares, if you could even sleep at all after seeing them.  Regardless, we've got them stacked like bird cages in a pet shop, and the sound at night is simply dreadful.
Well, I'm getting a bit ahead of things.  I should probably start by introducing myself, right?  Hello there, dear reader.  My name is Eris Sky, and I am an Equestrian mare who has volunteered to help ProteC establish and maintain the Menagerie Program.  Princess Celestia asked CASD (that's the Canterlot Advanced Sciences Division) for volunteers, and I was one of the wild ones who raised my hoof.  No doubt my high scores helped me land this position as Security Advisor.  So far it's hard work, but somepony needs to do it, right?  The humans are an enthusiastic  bunch and quite liberal with the application of bullets and lasers, but many of the creatures that came through the Gate breach cascade are charged with deadly magical powers.  Without our help, Earth would probably have been overrun in short order, regardless of human ingenuity.
That's where I come in.  It's my job to use my magical training and ability to help contain or neutralize the threat of the creatures remaining here on Isla del Lamento.  ProteC is still constructing a full containment building, so soon we'll be able to move this nightmare collection out of these tunnels and into a real facility.  The sound really echoes in here, it's scary as hell.  And the other night when the Mome Raths managed to squeeze through the air-holes in their Plexiglass containment cube... well, let's just say I will rest a lot easier when we have some certifiable secondary containment.  As it was the sentry drones made them into sushi, but if they hadn't, I dread to think how THAT would have turned out.  In the meantime, I sleep with a loaded shotgun next to my bed.  We all do.
So anyway, I was telling you about how I had difficulty sleeping.  My "bedroom"  (I use the term loosely) is in an old office up here on the management level of the remains of the Oblivion Gate 2 support system.  Isla del Lamento is not enormous, but even a few miles in diameter of mountainous jungle can have a LOT of tunnels underneath it (and monsters on the surface, but I'll get to that.)  So anyway, we've sealed off parts of the tunnels and now it's full of this awful collection of caged horrors, and...  well, I think I'm being confusing again.  Let me start over.  Again.
Okay, you already know i'm Eris.  Hi hi, look I'm waving my hoof at you.  Okay, good.  Now, I work for Protean Cybernetics Corporation, or ProteC, as part of an exchange program with Equestria.  This came about as the result of ProteC experimenting with teleportation, and opening a portal through which all kinds of nasty critters ran and started killing everyone.  So like to make a long story short, ProteC got lucky and contacted Princess Celestia, who brought help to clean up the disaster.  Confused?  You can always check out the records, they're archived and many are classified, but if you're reading this, then you have access.  Go check it out.  My notes will still be here when you get back.  Toodles!
Got it all figured out now?  Great.  So I'll just move on to telling you about what it's been like the past few days.
I arrived on a bus with quite a few other ponies.  As a unicorn, my services are much in demand here, because of the magical nature of many of the creatures that have invaded.  This being said, there were still several Earth ponies and Pegasus as well.  And no, they aren't all grunts.  An Earth pony or Pegasus who puts their mind to it can be an excellent physical sciences researcher.  Even so, my CASD credentials make me stand out, if I show them.  Apparently I'm the Equestrian equivalent of a human secret-squirrel agency like the CIA or something.
The bus took us all the way from Canterlot to Everfree Forest, and through the skeleton of the Gate facility that ProteC is still building.  It's going to be huge.  There were giant cranes, dump trucks, concrete mixers, and everywhere humans and ponies in hardhats, all watched over by heavily armed protective security details.  Quite a thing, that.  So we came on through the gate, which is crazy in and of itself.  The bus felt like a submarine sinking through sunlit water inside the anomaly.  Pretty amazing, in a scary and beautiful way.  And then, just like that we were Earthside at ProteC Ecuador.  It was kind of a blur from that point on, what with humans handing out equipment to us, and giving us a ton of training so that we could work in the facilities without accidentally getting ourselves killed.  So yeah, it was kind of important.  That's also where I got this pistol, these sweet ARHUD goggles, and this holographic computer bracelet.  Neat, isn't it?
So we went through all that, and weapons training, and a bunch of other stuff.  I could bore you with all the details, but suffice it to say I didn't sleep a lot and was sore and tired as hay by the time they packed me up on a boat to Isla del Lamento.  I can still remember apprehensively watching the misty green mountains rise on the horizon as I stood at the railing, clutching my little pink suitcase for dear life.  I won't lie, I was absolutely terrified.  This was my first real assignment, and it's doozy.
That's where I met Cookie.  He's a big jolly guy, and he is the chef out here.  I was just standing there, and he came up beside me and put a hand on my shoulder.  Now to my understanding, humans tend to not walk up and grab each other, but it seems we Equestrians have a subconsciously irresistible effect that makes humans want to pet us.  Not that Cookie would care either way, he'll drop a hand on your shoulder like it was nothing.  He doesn't mean any harm.  He's just that kind of guy, friendly to a fault.
"Spooky ol island, ain't it Miss?"  he asked me in his deep voice.
"Yeh?  Uh, yeah, it is,"  I answered lamely, caught a bit off guard and unsure of how to proceed.  Humans still made me a little nervous at that time.  I don't mean like really scared, but it's like being around a strange culture, you know?  It takes time to get comfortable with people you don't know.  Well at least for me, it does.  Cookie is a different character entirely.
"I bet they've filled your head full of all the stories of the things that are out there, haven't they?"  he asked.
"Oh, they most certainly have,"  I agreed.  "Are the stories not accurate?"
"Oh they're accurate enough.  There's things going on out there that will kill you or worse, in a heartbeat.  But don't worry Missy, ain't a man on this boat that won't be watching out for you when we make landfall,"  he said, giving my shoulder a squeeze with his dark-skinned, meaty bear claw of a hand.  "So rest easy, allright?  We're all mighty thankful for your presence here, and we won't let nothing bad happen to you."
"Thanks, Mr...?"
"Just call me Cookie.  Everyone else does, and I like it, because I'm a good cook.  See, the benefit of me being on this mission, is that I'm guaranteed to be the best cook on the island, if for no other reason than that I'll be the ONLY cook on the island,"  he laughed jovially.
I giggled too, and i felt some of the tension leave my body.
Of course it was back in spades a few hours later as we walked onto the docks and left the boat behind.  The jungle rose up around the dock side buildings, cut back to some distance by the humans to provide a stand-off zone.  Armored trucks stood nearby, surrounded by human and Equestrian armed guards, ready to transport us to our new jobs.  Several Pegasus ponies in ProteC gear hovered above the chaos holding weapons, scanning the jungle for hostile activity.
"See you later on, Miss Eris,"  Cookie waved as he grabbed his pack and headed towards one of the trucks.  I felt as if I'd been set adrift again, surrounded by humans and heavy equipment and noise, but I hadn't been standing long when a human male approached me carrying a rifle.  "Miss Sky?"
"Yes, sir?"
"If I may."  He grabbed my bag with his left black-gloved hand, keeping his right on the rifle grip.  "Please follow me ma'am, you're with us."
Together we walked rapidly towards one of the waiting armored vehicles.  I'd never seen anything like it before, it stood on big black tires and towered above even the humans.  A turret weapon was attached to the top, and as I watched it swivelled alertly, checking the perimeter with a hum of electric motors.  My guide led me to the rear of the vehicle, where the back door had been opened out onto the ground.  It had stairs welded to it, and I walked back up onto the air-conditioned space within.
"Here's your bag ma'am, please stash it under your seat."
"Oh, thank you."  I shoved my bag down below and looked around.  Sitting next to me were a couple other ponies and some humans, all wearing ProteC equipment.  "Hello, everypony,"  I said nervously.
"Hey there, welcome to ProteC limousine services,"  one of the men quipped.  "We don't have a minifridge or a bar, but we'll get you there in one piece.  Most of the time."
I grinned uncomfortably back.
"Don't listen to him,"  another voice said.  I turned slightly and saw it came from the human who was controlling the roof turret.  He spoke without looking away from his holographic consoles.  "He's just messing with you.  We've not lost anyone yet on a convoy.  Just try to relax, okay?"
I tried, although I failed miserably.  Finally the human who had brought me to the truck climbed in and sat across from me.  He reached out to press a button, and the door lifted closed with a clank that my ARHUD mostly muted.  I could feel the pressure change in the room, and was thankful for the circulating air conditioning.
"All aboard,"  he said to the driver.
"Allright everyone and everypony, we're rolling in two mike,"  called the unicorn in the passenger seat up front.  I could see she was doing something with a crystal set in the dash, and she conversed in low tones with the human driver while she did it.
Then, all too soon, the engines throbbed, and we were on our way to the interior.
I wrapped my forehooves across my chest and exhaled heavily as our vehicle jerked into motion.  The guy across from me grinned tightly, aiming his rifle carefully at the floor so he didn't flag any of us while he checked some settings.
"Don't worry,"  he said to me.  "The fun is just about to begin."
"Oh, I'm sure it is,"  I said, the rising hum of tension in my stomach making me grit my teeth.  "I'm sure it is."
> Chapter 2:  Arrival
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever the gun mounted up on the roof was, it was loud, even through the armor plating and the ARHUD protection.  I could feel the vibration of the vehicle as our gunner engaged targets.  I must have looked horrible, because the guy across from me leaned forward and tapped his hand on my hooves.
"It's allright ma'am, it's like this every time.  Nothing to be concerned about."
"Th-thank you,"  I squeezed out, jumping every time the guns fired again.
"Nearby creatures get up and make a go at our convoy sometimes.  Most have figured out by now it's a bad idea, but not all of them are particularly bright.  Which is probably a good thing, considering."
"Can they get us in here?"
"Not likely.  And if it gets really dangerous, we have a shield crystal up front."  He pointed at the unicorn mare sitting next to the driver.  She was relaxed in her seat despite the sporadic firefight, almost appearing asleep.
"What's she doing?  She looks awfully comfortable."
"That crystal is linked to her magical barrier ability.  If we come under heavy attack, she will raise a shield around us.  She's concentrating right now, that crystal gives her the ability to sense threats farther out around the vehicle.  All the trucks here have a unicorn sitting up front, didn't they tell you?"
"i don't think so, or maybe I forgot,"  I grinned, sheepishly.  "They kind of threw a lot at us at once, ah, what's your name?"
"Ah, sorry, how rude of me,"  my new friend said.  "I'm James, it's a rare pleasure to meet you."
I grinned wider, reaching out my hoof to shake his hand.  "Eris,"  I said, blushing a little as I realized he already knew my name since he'd called me by it when he took my bag back at the dock.  The embarrassed smile dropped off my face as the armored truck rocked to the side and I was tossed up and down in my harness.  "Eeek!"  I squealed.  The involuntarily shrill noise embarrassed me even further.
James hummed part of the Indiana Jones theme.  "Dun dah dun dun, dun dan duuun.  Guess we ran something over,"  he said with a wink after the lurching motion died down.  "Or maybe someone?  Never know what kind of weird crap is still hanging out here in the trees.  Heh heh.  Splat, eh?"
Forcing a sickly smile on my face, I tried not to think about slimy chunks dripping off the hardened tires.  "Uh, what if the tires get punctured...?"
"Not to worry.  Got some big ass run-flats in these babies.  Just relax and enjoy the ride.  We should be almost there, by now."
I gulped and nodded jerkily, trying to appear calm but sweating despite the cool air circulating in the passenger cabin.  Both my hooves clung to the straps across my chest in a close-range telekinetic death grip.  I was glad I didn't have fingers or they would have been white.
“By the way,”  James added casually.  “Your ARHUD can tie into the camera feeds from outside if you want to see what's going on.”
I fiddled with my controls.  “How do I work that?”  I asked, finally.
“You just- oh hey, we've arrived.”
I craned my neck see out the small, thick armored windows.  “I can't see anything.  Oh wait, there's a fence.”
“Yeah we're headed into the compound.  Be careful though, even with those fences, this area still isn't a place to stroll around, especially at night.”
“So no picnics?”  I asked.
He wagged a finger at me.  “Now you're just being silly, young lady.”
“What can I say, I'm a silly filly.”  I tried to smile as I watched the incredibly tall steel reinforced chain link gates clang shut behind our convoy, but I felt like I'd just entered a prison stockade, and I'm pretty sure my face betrayed me.  I'm not very good at faking my emotions.
“All right everyone, we'll be disembarking momentarily, make sure you don't lose your belongings,”  the unicorn in front said, her voice echoing in our ARHUDs.
“I can take that.”  James reached out his hand.
“It's fine I've got it,”  I said, hovering my bag in the air with my magic.
“I insist,” he said, snatching it out of the air.  “I can't allow a lady to carry such things in my presence.”
I tugged the bag.  “I'd rather have you with both hands free to use your rifle if need be.”
He released my bag reluctantly.  “You have a point.”
“Don't worry.  I take full responsibility for turning down your kind act of chivalry.”
We both turned as the door clanked open, then hissed to the ground with a thud.
A blast of hot, humid air entered immediately, overwhelming the air conditioning and making me feel like I'd just entered a sauna. 
“Wait here a moment.”  James jumped up and scrambled down the stairs ahead of me, his ARHUD darkening into sunglasses as the light hit his face.  
I leaned forward to watch, and mine darkened as well.  James visually scanned the area, and began talking with the nearby security personnel.
I took the opportunity to look around.  It seemed we were parked at the base of a hill or maybe a mountain, since it seemed to reach up rather steeply.  Looking back the way we had come, the blacktop road snaked back through the jungle and disappeared into the trees.  We sat nestled in an indentation, sheer rock walls reaching up behind and around to form a defensible gully.  Across the entrance of this, the massive fence had been erected.  From where I sat, I could see a sign attached to the metal:


DANGER


10,000 VOLTS


As I watched, a buzzer sounded briefly and a beacon came on below the sign.  Making a mental note not to ever touch the fence, I sat back in the sweltering heat and waited for James to return.
Soon he turned back in my direction.  “Okay Eris, we're good to go.  Come on.”
He waited for me to make my way down the steps, then led me alongside the parked convoy to a large door leading into the rock wall at the base of the cliff.  As we walked, security personnel and scientists were sorting belongings and talking to each other.  Everyone carried weapons.  I glanced reflexively down at the pistol on my hip, issued to me by ProteC.  Yep, still there.  I felt safer around James though.  Even with guns and magic, nothing makes up for having another pon- er, person, around to keep you company.
As we approached, I looked up the cliff face.  "Uh, James, what keeps monsters from dropping down the cliff face on us?"
James laughed.  "Well, there's another fence across the top up there.  Quite a few have ended up roasted on it.  A couple have made it through, and when we came out in the morning, it was pretty much wet cleanup on aisle 3."
"Nothing with wings?"
"We get a few of those, but see that thing over there?"  he pointed at a tower with a strangely cylindrical dome and gun assembly on it.  "The C-RAM makes short work of them."
"Seems a bit quiet here right now."
"They mostly come at night.  Want to scan your badge, missy?"
I swung my wristband towards the door panel, and it lit up green.  "Additional personnel detected,  please sca-"
James swung his arm through the hologram too, and the voice cut off.  The massive door unlocked with a heavy thud, and hummed open on hydraulics.  "Entry granted, Eris Sky and James Ruttege."  He quickly stepped through the door ahead of me, and I could see he was visually checking the area.  Satisfied, he nodded and continued in, my hooves close on the heels of his heavy boots.
The artificial lighting inside the next room was bright and my ARHUD went transparent immediately upon entry, but it still took my eyes a moment to adjust after the brilliant sun outside.  I turned briefly as the door shut behind us, and noted the reinforced metal beams sliding into the wall.  I doubt anything would be coming through that door unbidden.
Or getting out, I thought to myself, suppressing a shudder.  Of course I had clearance, so I could still get out.  If there is power.  "Okay that's enough mind, stop trying to freak me out,"  I whispered.
"Huh?"  James asked.
"Nothing.  Just thinking out loud."
"Oh.  Well, here is where we keep a few smaller vehicles."  He waved his arm at some small vehicles stashed around the large entryway.  There were ATVs and some other things that looked like motorcycles with big fans attached.
"What are those?"  I asked.
"Hoverbikes.  ProteC always kept this stuff here for emergencies, most of it has been in place since long before the Gate event.  Trust me though, you don't want to rush through that jungle all exposed now.  It's asking for a brutal death.  The hoverbikes used to be pretty safe, they'd buzz you along the roads or just over the treetops, if you wanted.  Now, there's some nasty things that'll happily snatch you right out of the air and ruin your day."
I shuddered, but even so my curiosity was aroused.
"Over there is the freight elevator," he continued, pointing at a large horizontal door, heavy and foreboding.  "Mostly we use it for taking, ah, samples, to the lower levels.  And this stairwell is where we go in."
He stopped in front of a smaller personnel door, and we did the bracelet waving thing again.  There was the small hiss of escaping pressure, and then behind the door was the promised stairwell, a long flight with metal railings, leading down into the subterranean depths, lit from above with non-glaring tubes.  The feeling of being underground really began here, the tunnel seemed to absorb vibration and sound, like deep caves do.
"Ohh,"  I gasped, the enormity of just how different this was from Canterlot finally hitting home as I stood at the entrance to the bowels of the mountain.  "Oh, my."
"I know, right?  Welcome to your new home,"  James said.
I managed a lopsided smile.  "Yeah.  Good thing I'm not claustrophobic."
"Not that it would matter if you were,"  James said ominously.  "It's getting dark outside soon.  We don't travel at night, it's too dangerous."
I said nothing, but my eyes must have betrayed my thoughts, because he gave me a concerned look.  "Sorry, that didn't come out right.  You'll be okay, it's not so bad once you get to the lower levels."
I nodded, and together we entered the place that would forever change my life.
> Chapter 3:  The Boss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm supposed to take you to your room to drop off your belongings, then take you straight to see the Director,"  James said as we reached the foot of the long flight of stairs.
I nodded, and we continued down another hallway.  Metal ducts ran above our heads, with periodic vents to freshen the air.  Pipes and wiring conduits were all surface mounted, it was easy to see most of the facility had been drilled and cut out of solid rock.
"This is the top level,"  James said.  "Well, sort of.  There are quite a few more tunnels leading other places.  We've sealed most of them off for now, the network is too large for us to safely maintain security for all of it at any given time. "
"How big is the tunnel network?"
"I'm not exactly sure, but there's many miles if you include the facilities like water treatment, sewage, and the power station.  We've sealed off a lot of it, the tunnels got pretty infested with monsters, and nobody wants to be sitting watching your monitor while something creeps up behind you.  Areas like the power facility, we cleaned out as best we could and performed some repairs, there's crews working there now, much like we are."
"So the tunnels connect all the buildings?"
"Well, some of them.  Sometimes you have to go to the surface, or there may be lower tunnels that didn't get finished for regular use, like the sewage and power conduit tunnels.  Some don't even show up on the maps."
"So we're sitting on top of a giant anthill of creepy hallways and rooms that could be full of hungry creatures."
"Hmm, well essentially, yes.  But don't worry, the doors we've sealed are heavy bulkheads.  Nothing is getting through them easily."
I sighed.  "Getting horror movie vibes."
James snickered.  "Don't worry, the damsel in distress always gets rescued.  It's the security guys with the generic names who need to watch out."  He tapped his chest meaningfully.
Unsure of how to answer, I just nodded thoughfully and felt like an ass.  Surely there's something one should say when somepony says something like that to you, and here I was saying nothing.  That's me, though.  Miss Socially Awkward Mare.  Fortunately James didn't seem to mind.  I imagine to handle his job, you can't be the kind of person who is easily miffed by small things.  I liked that.
"I, uh, hope it doesn't come to that,"  I finally said, much too late.
"What?  Oh.  All in a day's work, ma'am.  The few, the proud, the expendable.  Although to tell the truth, ProteC is the best gig I've worked yet.  I mean, naturally a grunt is a less important asset than someone such as yourself, but ProteC seems to take it personally when one of us gets hurt, and goes out of their way to prevent it happening."  He pushed open a heavy door leading to a concrete stairwell.  "We've gotta go down one level."
"By the way,"  I asked,  "What else is on the top level?"
"Equipment storage, armory, stuff like that."
"Speaking of equipment, where's your exoskeleton?  I thought those were standard issue out here for you guys."
He shrugged.  "I broke it.  Well, actually it was a firmware upgrade that bricked the processor real good.  But it's in maintenance, has been for a few days.  No big deal though, today was an easy mission.  Pick up the new girl, come back."  He raised an eyebrow.  "Or should I call you 'boss'?"
"What?"
"You're the new security advisor.  That puts you one step below Security Chief, you know.  Technically, you're my  new boss.  Or underboss.  Whatever."
My eyes bulged and I stumbled.  "Oh.  Crap."
He chuckled.  "You okay there, ma'am?"
"I didn't realize..."
He laughed.  "Don't worry.  There's not a whole lot to manage.  We all know what we're doing, it's a self-oiling machine."  He hesitated as we reached the landing, then shoved the door open.  "Most of the time.  After you, Boss."
"Please stop that."
"Whatever you say, ma'am."
"That too."
"What am I supposed to call you?  Security Advisor?"
"No!  You know my name."
"Fine... Eris."
"Much better."
James shook his head and sighed.  "Come on then, Eris."
I trotted behind him down the hallway, which didn't seem much different from the one above it.  On either side, metal doors were periodically set in the roughly painted off-white walls.  My hooves made a fairly loud clippity clop sound in there.  	"I swear it sounds like you're wearing high heels,"  James commented as I stumped noisily along behind him.
"Is that bad?"
"No.  That's just what it sounds like.  This is your room, by the way.  I'm afraid it's not the nicest,  but none of them are.  This wasn't really meant to be a housing block.  Fortunately these rooms still have toilets and showers in them.  Apparently ProteC had the foresight to set up some tunnel sections as emergency shelter-in-place areas, so these offices have some extra plumbing fittings and such, even if they aren't luxury level."
I swung my hoof at the lock, and it clicked open, revealing a sparsely furnished office with a small twin bed added in that looked newer than anything else in the room.  Someone had thrown a little rug by the bed.  I could see a small bathroom with a metal toilet, sink, and shower off to the left.  	As I stood in the doorway, James nudged me gently aside, then leaned forward to take a quick look around.  "Okay.  Never hurts to be careful."
"Thanks."  I stepped in and set my bag on the floor.  "So see you in a few minutes, then?"
"Sure thing."  He turned to leave, then paused.  “And Eris?”
“Yeah?”
“Don't get too far from your gun.  If you take a walk, strap it on.  If you take a shower, set it within reach.  If you take a…  well, you get the idea, right?  This place is never fully safe.  The run you make for the gun may be the longest run of your life.”
Cold shivers went down my spine.  “Thanks.  Now you've scared the crap out of me again.”
“A scared mare is a live mare, and I like you alive.  Call or message me if you need anything.  I'll be back in about fifteen minutes and we will go see the Director.”
He turned and left.  I closed the door and surveyed the room apprehensively.  Feeling more nervous now that I was alone, I drew my pistol, turned on every light, and checked every corner, cabinet, and drawer in the room.  I got myself pretty worked up before jerking back the shower curtain, but the place was clear.  I was just beginning to breathe more easily when I heard a terrible sound coming from far away.  A spectral howling, almost like the wind, but feral and hungry.  My breath caught in my throat and I began to tremble again.  I quickly called James on my ARHUD.
“Hey, Eris.  You okay?  You look like you've seen a ghost.”
“James.  Do you hear that?”
He looked confused for moment, then cocked his head.  “Oh, that.  Sometimes you can hear them down there.  Don't worry, it's normal.  It carries through the vents or something.”
“Normal?”  I listened to the horrid noises, rising and falling.  “I…  I…”
“Put some music on.  It'll help.  Check on your desk, there's a player there.”
“Okay.  Thanks.”
“You sure you're okay?”
I pushed a button and some human classical music came on softly.  I adjusted it until it covered the unearthly howling.  “Yeah.  That's better.  Thanks, I'll see you soon.”
“Okay.  Lemme know if you need anything else.”  He smiled, and severed the connection.
I let loose a sigh and sank into the desk chair, my pistol hanging loosely from my hoof.  What a day.  I wanted a long shower, I wanted to scream the tension into my pillow.  But I only had a few minutes, so I settled for holstering my gun and staring into space until James buzzed at my door again.  I rushed to answer it.
“You ready?”
“I guess so.”  As I followed him, I noticed he had traded in his rifle for a shotgun.  Glowing purple shells protruded from a bandoleer on his belt.  I made a mental note to find out how I could get one of those.  Sure I'm a unicorn, but these human weapons are quite powerful, and they give me an added option, right?  I like options.  Also there's something comforting about the feel of a human weapon made of steel and plastic in one's hooves...
“So, what's the Director like?”  I asked as we walked.
“He's an interesting guy.  I warn you now, you'll have a lot of advising to do.  He's quite brilliant on the science side, but tends to overlook the security aspect.   Chief Lewis has his hands full with that man.  This facility would probably be overrun with monsters right now if Director Stephens was the egotistical type.  Fortunately he is very open to advice.”
“I see,”  I said, chewing on my lip.
“Don't get me wrong, he's a good man and good at keeping this place running.”
“But?”
James shrugged.  “Just sometimes he needs to be reminded we can't do any useful research if we're all dead.  That's all.”
We continued to walk down the corridor, which was mostly empty.  I assumed it would probably get busy around shift change time.
After descending a level, James brought us to another door, and buzzed for entry.  The lock clicked open, and he pushed, holding the door for me.  It swung shut behind us, and we stood in a relatively nice office, definitely larger than I had expected.  Hard copy scientific journals and manuals crammed shelves against every wall, with filing cabinets wedged in between.  Tablets and holograms lay scattered across various surfaces, but the largest piece of furniture was the big wooden desk in the middle of the room.  Behind the desk sat an older man in a lab coat.   I was momentarily distracted by his unruly shock of pure white hair.  Despite his wizened appearance, his gaze was sharp and intelligent as he eyeballed us.  He stood as I approached, and reached a wrinkled hand across the desk.  I could see a pistol holstered under his coat as we shook hands (hooves?, whatever).  “Ah, Miss Sky.  Welcome to The Menagerie.”
“Thank you, Director.”
“I trust James here has been taking good care of you?”
“Very much so.”
“Please have a seat, both of you.”
We did, and Director Stephens just sat there for several seconds, staring at me until I began to fidget uncomfortably.  Finally his face cracked into a broad grin.  "Sorry, Miss Sky.  I still haven't gotten over how exciting it is to work with your species."
"Uh, thanks?  And call me Eris, please sir."
He didn't reply, which made me nervous.  I became more nervous when he spoke again.
"James, can you please wait outside a moment?"
"Yes, sir.  See you in a bit, Eris."
I gulped and waved my hoof at him slightly as he left, but he didn't notice it.  Great, alone again with a total stranger, and a weird one at that.  Oh well, how bad could this be?  As the door closed behind James, I turned my eyes back across the desk.
Director Stephenson sat there, roasting me with his gaze.  I suddenly felt very small and alone,  like a specimen under a microscope, as if my every mistake and misdeed were on display for his judgement.  His eyes roved slowly over my body.  Even though I don't usually wear clothes,  I felt increasingly naked and exposed.  Mercifully, his gaze was decidedly clinical, not lecherous.
Finally Director Stephens looked me directly in the eye.  “Miss Sky.  Are you afraid?”
I winced, not knowing how to respond.  I didn't want to come this far only to be rejected on my first day.  That would be humiliating, to say the least.  I hesitated.  Time ticked on, and Director Stephens said nothing to help me, his eyes just kept boring into my skull.
“I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my entire life,”  I finally said, barely above a whisper.
“Good.  You should be afraid, fear means you will not be reckless.  I hope you keep a healthy dose of that fear.  As they say, familiarity breeds contempt, and in a place like this, contempt breeds mass casualties."
I nodded hesitantly.
He looked at me for a moment longer, then continued.  "Do you want to be here, Miss Sky?  Nobody has forced you to come here, and you do not wish to leave?  I will hold nothing against you should you choose to depart.  We will load you up on a truck tomorrow, and off you go.  There is no shame in turning away from this.  It is not for everyone.”
“I may be afraid, but I volunteered to come here, and I do not wish to back out.”  I was surprised by the resolve I heard in my own voice.
“Excellent.  Miss Sky, I like what I see in you so far.  However I wish you to have more information before you become active on the team, as well as a few tests."
"Certainly, Director.  I am ready."
Evidently satisfied with my answers, he called James back into the room.  "Please take Miss Sky here for a tour of the containment area, followed by the standard employment exam."
"Roger that."
"Oh, and Miss Sky?"  Director Stephens called out to me as I prepared to leave.
"Sir?"
"Good luck."
"Th-thank you, sir."
> Chapter 4:  A Fear of Pineapples
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Outside Director Stephen's office, James turned to me.   "First, we're going to go by the armory and get your weapon checked, for obvious reasons."
I nodded.  "Okay, makes sense."
We returned to the first floor, and James led me to one of the doors in the hallway.  As expected, the words "ARMORY" were etched on a placard nearby.  James unlocked the door and we entered a medium sized room with a barred window at one end.
"Well don't stand around all day lass, get yer tail over here and clear out your pistol so I can inspect the goods," came an accented voice from the other side of the window.
"Uh, hi there,"  I said, walking across the room.  I still couldn't clearly see who was beyond the window as I moved towards the clearing barrel.  James observed while I emptied out my Glock, locking the slide back.  He gave the armorer a thumbs up.  "Clear."
"Ye all are headed down fer the orientation tour, right?"
"You got it,"  James replied
"Allright then, come on over here lassie, and I'll fix you right up, mah sweet girl."
Now I could see the man behind the window, his face whiskered and his eyes humorous under his balding head.
"Don't pay attention to him,"  James said dismissively.  "I'm more than half convinced he's faking his accent.  Right, Scottie?"
"Yeh dirty son of a bitch, ye come in here and ye fuckin say that to me fuckin face an I'll beat a fuckin hole in yer ass!"  the man behind the window yelled, shaking his fist at James.  Then he looked back at me.  "The name's William.  But ye call me Willy,"  he said, his tone going instantaneously from threatening to honeysuckle sweet.  "Now then, where's the metal at?"
I handed the blocky gun to him grip first with my telekinesis.
"Aye, you unicorn lassies are right special with the powers of magic,"  he said softly.  "I'll have you out of here in a moment."
"Why did you call him Scottie?"  I asked James while we waitied.
"Well, if you've ever seen the original Star Trek, the character 'Scottie' is played by the late James Doohan, who always faked a Scottish accent for the role.  The going joke is that Willy here does the same, although he swears up and down it's authentic.  Nobody really believes him."
"I can hear you out there spreadin' yer lies,"  Willy warned from somewhere in the back room.  "I'm about to come out there and beat your ass sideways!"
"He sounds mean, but he's really a teddy bear,"  James continued.
"Nothin' but dirty lies!"  came the thick accent again.
"Just hurry up back there, you old troll."
Sputtering and raging, Willy brought my pistol to the window.  Again, his demeanor changed entirely as he beckoned to me.  "Here you go, lovely lady, and good luck to you down there."  He looked pointedly at James.  "You could learn a thing or two about manners from a lass like this!"
James rolled his eyes.  "Whatever you say, Tollbooth Willy."
"Oh, wait,"  I interjected before Willy could reply.  I could see him winding back from the edge of another blast, like a jet engine spinning down.  "Can I get a shotgun too?  Like that one James has?"
"Well now lassie, I don't see why not,"  Willy replied in a kindly tone.  "Just come on back here after you're done for the day, and I'll have something set up for you."
"Shouldn't that be 'fer ye?'"  James asked sweetly, eliciting another explosion of profanity and rage.  James waved cheerfully at Willy as we exited and closed the door, cutting off the expletives mid-flow.
"So, on to the basement?,"  I said once we were in the hall.
"Yeah, are you ready?  That's where things get really ugly."
"I'm a big filly, I can handle myself."
"I don't doubt that."
The trip down to the sublevels was uneventful.  I found that this particular zone of operations was composed of six tunnel segments.  Armory floor, management-offices-used-as-bedrooms floor, more offices used as offices, as well as the pathetic "gym" which consisted of a room with some weights and machines in it, and the chow hall, which made me expectant to see Cookie sometime soon.  Below that was a floor of "safe" laboratories, and the two floors below that were a combination of more dangerous laboratories with live specimens and monster containment.  Confused?  Yeah, so was I, but after awhile I figured it out.  Once we got down to the first floor of laboratories, I noticed that the stairwell to the lower levels had thick bars of metal welded across it.
"James?  What is that about?"
"We welded heavy metal over the doors and barred off the stairwells leading down to the levels dealing with monsters.  We've created single points of entry for that.  Oh, and the freight elevator, but it makes a straight shot to the lowest level, and the doors for that are pretty solid."
"I see."  I tried to peek past the bars, but couldn't spy anything except empty stairwell in the small gaps between them.
"We'll get to that next,"  James said, observing my attempts.  "Come on."
We scanned into the first laboratory floor, once again requiring both our wrist bands to do it.
"So what exactly is on this level?"  I asked.
"Supposedly harmless stuff,"  he replied.  "I'm not exactly the expert on all of it, but I know there's DNA sequencing, blood tests, personnel medical facilities, a pharmacy, that kind of stuff.  A lot of this is actually our infirmary."
"Interesting.  And down below?"
"That's where it gets really interesting, and where we are headed next."	
He led me to another door right in the middle of the hallway.  It was covered in DANGER, BIOHAZARD, and LETHAL FORCE ZONE signs.  It seemed to be sectioning off a good portion of the hallway.  "Make sure your bracelet is on snugly.  There are killer drones past this point."
I nodded, and we opened the holographic lock together.  The door hissed open, and I could see it was far heavier than the previous ones.  One the inside, I could see two portable automatic turrets standing by, green lights blinking on their control panels.
"If you weren't wearing your bracelet, they'd be aiming at us right now,"  James informed me.  "They are programmed to recognize our biometrics in case you lose your wrist band, but you don't want to mess around with that.  When in doubt, that panel will go red, and they will shoot you."
We continued past the turrets.  I eyed them with distrust, and was glad to leave them behind as we went through the next door.
On the other side, I started hearing noises again.
"Feeding time,"  James said.
I shuddered.  Seemed like I'd been doing that a lot this day.
We went through the door, and into a wide, brightly lit area dotted with cages of all sizes and various types of lab equipment.  There were humans and ponies wandering about, apparently distributing food to the live specimens.  The first thing that boggled my mind was the size of the space, the second thing was the awful noises that filled it.
“Wow.  This is nothing like the upper levels,”  I gasped.
“These were primary conduit access ways,”  James replied.  “See the cabling beneath those gratings?”
I looked down, and sure enough, cables as big around as my midsection ran beneath the metal floor panels.
“They are offline now, but this was another part of the Oblivion Gate 2 support network.”
“This place is so big.  It has to be a hundred feet wide!”
“Additional ventilation space for air cooling.  Before we sectioned it off, this place cooled like a wind tunnel, with a constant blast of air running from massive blowers and forcing heat out of the tunnels through vents at the other end.”
“And you said it was feeding time, which explains this awful racket.”
“In a nutshell, yes, although it tends to get noisy in here sometimes anyway.  These things love to make an unholy sound during night shift as well.  It's almost like the know when most of us are trying to sleep, and raise Cain out of spite.”
My curiosity getting the better of my apprehension, I carefully approached a small cage strapped atop a nearby lab table.  Small chirping sounds emanated from it, like baby birds.  Reassured by the inoffensive noises, I crept up and peeked carefully.
Inside was a mass of flesh like a single cell, plastered against the back wall of the Plexiglass case.  Revolting hairs grew from it to great length, like whiskers.  Small pipettes on the surface swelled and shrank, releasing the misleading peeping sounds.  Upon sensing my presence, the filthy creature launched gooey tendrils to the front of the box and jerked itself forward on them, flipping midway and trying to bite me.  The hard beak underneath the little vermin clacked eagerly but ineffectively against the thick transparent cage wall.
“Oh my gosh,”  I choked, shrinking away.  “What the hay is that?”
“Hell if I know,”  James replied.  “The variety of creatures here is outrageous.  Looks like they're calling this one a ‘Taffy Puller.’  Charming.”
“It's horrible.”
“Apparently it's only mildly so, this is the ‘relatively harmless’ area.  Not that these critters won't bite a piece out of you.  Just the stuff down below is really nasty, and these little cuties are tame by comparison.”
Eager to move away from the disgusting thing in the box, I moved towards another large cube, this one sitting on the ground.  When I got near, there was very little activity.  Several flat furry looking pancakes sat motionless on the bottom of the cage.
"Uh, what are these?" i asked a nearby Equestrian.
"Hello there!"  she replied, turning to face me, and I saw she was an Earth pony, devoid of horn or wings.
"Hi,"  I said.  "Can you tell me about these things?"
"Sure!  Well first, they're called 'bounce rats.'  They're kind of a pest, much like Earth rats are.  They don't look like much right now, but watch what happens when I drop a piece of cheese in there."  She reached up, and placed a small chunk of cheddar into a small opening.  "Hey little guys, check it out!"
The cheese plunged downward, and almost immediately the bounce rats took notice.  The flat patties of fur expanded instantly like a puffer fish, flinging them upwards into the air until they were on eye level, where upon they fell in an arc back onto the floor of the cage.  Upon impact they instantly turned into pancakes again with a loud squeaking noise, followed by another jump.  The impression was several balls bouncing along of their own volition, accompanied by the very ratlike squeaking noises.  They descended upon the cheese and immediately began fighting over it, which looked ridiculously like...
"A flapjack fight,"  I said, squinting at them.  "Weird."
"Here, give them another piece,"  the mare said, handing me a slice of the yellow cheese.
I dropped it on the other side, and watched them eagerly repeat the process, bounding towards it and fighting to devour it first.  I giggled at their antics.  "They're kind of cute, actually."
"Yeah, I'd rather study them than some of these other things,"  the Equestrian replied.  "Well, have fun, I have more feeding and cleaning to do, not all of it as pleasant as this,  I'm sure we will run into each other again."
"Wait, what's your name?"
"Lily Pads.  I'm a veterinarian."
"Nice to meet you.  I'm Eris."
"Very pleased."
"Well, see you around, then."
She nodded briskly, and began tying off a nearby trash bag.  Leaving her to her duties, James and I moved deeper into the containment lab.  "Ohh, what's that?"  I asked hopefully, seeing a large enclosure with beautiful flowering plants in it, illuminated by an overhead light.
James wrinkled his nose in displeasure.  "Oh, I hate those things.  They're gross."
"But why?  They look rather pretty."
"If you really want to know, you'll find out quickly enough once you take a look at them, but don't say I didn't warn you."
His tone of disgust made me uncertain, and I again moved towards the chamber with caution.  I could see the plants inside looked much like large pineapples with big, multicolored flowers on top.  On closer inspection, I realized the flowers were moving, although there appeared to be no air currents inside the box.  While this worried me, I didn't see anything particularly revolting about them, until on closer inspection I realized there was a red liquid oozing from their fat bodies.  As I watched, a researcher dropped several mice into the chamber, who ran about sniffing curiously.
I prepared to be horrified, and horrified I was when one of the pineapples opened, displaying an interior lined with slimy, rotting mice on the inside walls.  My horror grew immeasurably when the horribly mangled mice inside the pineapple began moving and squeaking piteously.  I jumped when I saw a quick flash of spiked tendrils launch from within the foul creature, shooting out and viciously impaling the unsuspecting new mice.
I turned my head away from their agonized cries.  "Oh no.  I can't!  I just can't!"
James grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me away.  "It's okay.  I don't want to watch it either.  But you learned something, right?"
I nodded, still trying to hold back the urge to vomit.  "Don't trust the creepy alien flowers.  Don't let innocent appearances lull me into a false sense of security.  Just give me a moment, okay?"
James nodded grimly.  "It gets worse, you know.  Downstairs."
I looked around, at the cages full of furry things, waving tentacles, glowing bioluminescence, twitching leaves.
“I get the point,”  I said after a moment.  “Look, I'll have plenty of time later to come down and get acquainted with all these nasty specimens.  There has to be hundreds of them in here!”
“Yes, you're correct.  And we are finding more daily.”
“I see why it's important to at least know a little about each one,”  I continued.  “But I don't need to be weaned into this.  Let's just go right for the worst and get it over with, okay?  I'll survive.”
James looked at me, and I felt certain he was genuinely worried.  Was that something else in his eyes?  Was that pity?
“Look, I'm really fine,”  I insisted.  “See?  It was just a surprise, that's all.”  Okay maybe that wasn't strictly true, in my mind I was still hearing and seeing the dreadful plight of those poor mice.  One of these days I would very much enjoy finding a reason to take a flamethrower to that demonic plant-thing, but in the meantime, I wanted to get started on my job.
James searched my face, then he grimaced and sighed.  "Okay, Eris.  No more taking it slow.  Let's skip the small fry, and go introduce you to the real monsters."
He led me reluctantly towards the stairs, and I began to wonder if maybe I hadn't been a bit hasty, after all.
> Chapter 5:  The Screaming Room
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

We arrived together on the bottom level after descending an extra-long staircase.  More signs were posted on the door before us.	
"Possibly psychological damage?  Telekinetic field zones?  Sonic beams?  Concussive air blasts?"  I read.
"This area is no joke, Eris.  These critters are some nasty customers.  Don't cross any barriers or red lines.  If one of these things gets ahold of you, there's not much anyone can do."  He knelt down and leaned in closer.  "Stay close to me, okay?."
"Yeah, okay, I will.  Like I haven't so far?"
"True enough.  You've been cautious.  Just remember, people have died fighting the things in here.  They will kill again at the slightest opportunity."
I gulped and nodded.
We swept our bracelets together, and with a whir of retracting bolts and a a hydraulic hiss, the door in front opened, revealing an even larger area than the floor above.
"Bottom level,"  James said, stepping through.  I followed him, noting the high ceilings.  The noises inside ranged from odd whistling to whale-like calls, with barks, howls, and strange ghostly ululations interspersed.  The noise alone stopped me in my tracks, terror rippling down my spine.  "Crap."
"I know, right?"
Standing still momentarily, i forced myself not to lay on the ground and cover my head with my hooves.  Instead, I slowly scanned the area before me.  The pipes below us this time were massive, perhaps twenty feet in diameter.  I could see them through the large grates in the floor.  Sounds of rushing water and hisses of steam drifted up from the subfloor as well.  Catwalks ran overhead and I could see several portable weapon turrets placed around the room, the green standby lights glowing in evidence.  All throughout the area were cordoned-off zones with massive cages of thick transparent material and heavy steel.  Blinking red hazard lights and glowing holographic warning signs flickered through the massive area.  Sealing both ends of the long tunnel, I could see doors big enough to drive an armored truck through, imposing with their concrete and metal components.  But most of all I could see the shadowy creatures hiding in their prisons.  Glowing eyes the size of beach balls blinked at me.  Claws scratched against glass.  Something spat against the transparent glass of an enclosure, leaving a green sludge mark.  Water running down the interior from nozzles on the top quickly washed it away.  A tentacle waved momentarily above the walls of another before sinking back down inside.
I sat heavily on my butt.  "Oh, shit."
"Take a minute,"  James said, standing so close to me I could feel his reassuring warmth.  I glanced up and noticed his shotgun was no longer slung on his back.  Now he was holding it in his hands at low ready position.  "Take all the time you need.  This takes some getting used to."
"By the way, where are the drones?"  I asked, finally.
"You'll see plenty of them in the event of a containment breach.  They are kept in hoppers on standby until something happens."
"I'm okay with not seeing that show."
"Believe me, so am I."
I half-smiled and took a few steps forward, my insatiable curiosity drawing me onward despite my apprehension.  I knew full well this would end in more horror, but I just had to poke my muzzle in and see what crawled and slithered in this dimly lit place of danger and nightmares.
"Why the hay is it so dark in here?"  I asked.
"The darkness keeps these ones calm.  They are very upset in the light, and were creating quite a riot.  In the darkness, they lurk quietly.  See their eyes?  They're looking at you."
He wasn't making it up.  I could see the malevolently glowing eyes of several creatures peeking between steel bars and through armored glass.  They knew we were here, and they were watching us, as a predator observes prey.
"That is so creepy,"  I breathed, and found myself unintentionally pressing up against James's thigh.  My sideways pressure had to be making his walking a bit difficult, but he didn't push me away, and I was glad for that.
"Well, what do we want to look at first?"  he asked, scowling at the yellow eyes of some shadowy thing in a stockade ahead of us. "From here on out, it's all the stuff of nightmares.  Pick your poison."
Curious, I pointed at the yellow-eyes.  "That one.  Is that okay?"
"Don't cross the red line."
As we approached the safety zone, two human scientists approached with an armed guard.  "Sup, James?"  the guard said.
"Yo.  Showing the new boss lady around."
The man frowned.  "Good luck with that."  He then looked at me.  "Well, we're about to feed this creepy bastard, so if you want to lose your lunch, just hang out here for a minute."
I nodded, feeling a little sick in the pit of my stomach as I saw them pulling a rabbit out of a cage.
"Why do they feed them these live animals?"  I asked James, softly.
"Some of these monsters won't eat anything else.  Of course we'd rather give the animals a merciful end, and we do so whenever possible.  But it just doesn't work for all of them.  Some refuse to eat, others get incredibly violent."
"I see.  Such an awful way to go, though."
James nodded, his face set in granite.  "This one is pretty ugly, too."
I watched unhappily while they hooked the white rabbit to the end of a pole.
"Hey Sticks, it's feeding time,"  the men called out.
I looked out into the stockade, but I only saw some shrub bushes and little trees.  Oh, and those creepy glowing yellow disembodied eyes, now fixated on the rabbit.  As it swung nearer, the trees and bushes shifted, forming a roughly anthropoid shape, at least ten feet tall.  The saplings bent like arms, the bushes formed a hollow, donut-shaped chest and legs.  The only sound was an eerie rustling and snapping as the leaves fluttered and the stalks bent into new shapes.  Finally, the end of the pole went into the cage, the rabbit dangling and struggling from the end.	 The creature carefully lifted the kicking rabbit off the stick, and shoved it directly into the empty space where its stomach would have been.  The rabbit floated in the air, continuing to kick about.  After a few moments, it began to squeal in agony.
"What the-"  I began, and then a shocking thing happened.  The rabbit began to rotate in the air, unpeeling in a corkscrew fashion.  It was as if the skin and meat were roll of thick yarn being pulled into the creature's body.  Blood pooled into aerial bubbles, floating about in the zero-gravity zone at the monster's center.  The rabbit's screams reached a crescendo, then stopped instantly as the lungs and organs followed the flesh, stringing off into the creature's body. The blood drops raced away, guided by the strange tidal forces and swallowed up into the brush.  The creature finally made a jerking motion, ejecting the rabbit's skeleton through the bars towards me, where it clattered to a stop near the safety barrier.  
I yelped and jumped back, and I could have sworn the creature was laughing at me silently as it shook and heaved.   I squished up beside James even harder, pushing against his thighs.  "Crap crap crap,"  I chanted.  "Crap crap crap crap!"
"You okay?"
"Okay?  Me?  No, I'm pretty far from okay,"  I choked.  "Just, crap, I need a minute."  I sat on my haunches and held my front hooves up to either side of my head, then I took a deep breath, carefully ignoring the intimidating gaze of the eldritch horror sitting a few yards away from me on the other side of the stockade fence.
"You need to head out?  Visit the bathroom?"
“No!  I'm good now.  Just had to catch my breath.“  I rose to my hooves and tossed my mane as defiantly as I could manage.  "Good.  Much better."
“You want to keep going then?"
"Absolutely,"  I said weakly.  "Aw, crap.  What's with the goat?"  I pointed a hoof at two other men leading the animal towards another cage.
James scowled.  "That's one of the reasons we don't eat dinner until after the tour."
My stomach sank.  "Yeah.  This is really fun."  I grimaced as the men began pushing the poor bleating animal past another barrier.
"Might want to pay attention to this one,"  James told me.  "That  red line represents the edge of an induced hypnosis zone."
"A what zone?"
"Mind control.  Watch."
The unfortunate animal stumbled over the red line after a hearty shove from the men behind, who quickly scrambled back.  Almost immediately the goat froze into position.  From inside the dark pen before it, a dull orange glow reached out and touched him.  The light looked thick and vile, a baleful glow like nothing I had ever seen before.  Twitching, the goat stumbled forward as if half asleep.  It moved closer and closer, pulled by that awful, unclean light.  When it arrived at the side of the pen, it haltingly laid on the floor alongside it.
"James?"
"Yeah?"
"This is going to be really bad isn't it?"
"Really, really bad."
A large, octopus-like tentacle slithered out between the bars.  It looked to be at least half a foot wide from where I stood, and it gleamed with mucus.  The goat lay beneath, trembling slightly as the tentacle descended to lay gently across his back.	Almost immediately the doomed animal let out a long, pathetic bray of suffering, but the mental grip held tight, and it could not move as the tentacle lifted slowly with a great strip of the goat's flesh attached.  The sounds of tearing and pain increased as another tentacle dropped across his face.
I had a brief impression of eyeballs popping out of their sockets as the optic nerves stretched behind, and I looked away quickly, retching.  I felt James put a hand on my back while I gagged.  The terrible noises continued, seeming to go on forever, and I swallowed hard at the hot acid in my throat.  "James?"  I asked faintly when I could breath again.
"Yeah."
"Can we just look at some monsters that aren't eating for a bit, please?"
"Okay, sure."
"James?"
"What?"
"Did I do something to piss you off?  You seem, I don't know, like you don't want to be around me."
"No.  You didn't do anything wrong.  Sorry."
His curt manner confused me, and I felt even more alone as we proceeded past cages of winged four-foot centipedes, acid-spewing fungus behind armored glass, some ugly meat-eating plants with "TRIFFIDS" scrawled on their containment unit, and several things which had no name and which I was warned not to observe too closely.
"Remember the psychological damage sign?"  James asked me as I moved around the perimeter of a draped cube, trying to sneak a look.  "There is a curtain around that cage for a reason."
I changed my mind about wanting a peek.
By the time we neared the end of the tour, I had reached a level of horror that made my nerves buzz.
"James, you showed me all this, but I don't think I am in any condition to take a test.  It's too much at once."
He looked at me, and I couldn't read his expression.  Fear?  Loathing?  Anger?  I didn't understand.
“Is something wrong?”  I asked.
He shook his head.  “This is the last stop,”  he said, then he answered a call on his ARHUD.  “Yes, Director?  Okay, hang on a moment.”
He looked down at me.  “Go on in, Miss Sky.  I have to take this, and they're expecting you.”
“Oh, okay, see you in a few,”  I said, faking cheerfulness, dreading being alone, confused by his abruptly stand-offish manner.  I looked back briefly and his eyes were on me, but he quickly glanced away as soon as he saw me staring at him.  With a heavy feeling in my heart, I passed through the large, open doorway in the concrete wall.  Inside, I saw a large chamber.  Several feet away was a group of scientists, human and pony, watched over by a couple humans and a pony carrying rifles.  Towering over us all was a hideous creature, like the nightmare combination of a spider and a pitcher plant.  The creature thrashed and hooted through the pitchers, evidently interested in my arrival.  I could see tentacles and teeth inside each pitcher.  The thing was restrained against a giant table assembly, heavy tie downs over each of its legs.
I wavered in the entryway.  “Oh my goodness.”
The security pony approached me, stopping a short distance away.  “This is your final test, Miss Sky,”  he said.  “There's no glass between us and it, now.  This is the reality of our job.  Come closer, take a look, if you can stomach it.  Otherwise, you can just leave now.  We won't judge your for that.”
I ignored the offer to leave, and instead I walked forwards.  As I neared the activity, one of the scientists walked towards the beast and stabbed a syringe into its leg, drawing out a green liquid.  Enraged, it kicked harder and hooted.
“Those bonds will hold it?”  I asked the security pony.
“Don't worry, those straps could hold an elephant down.”
As he spoke confidently, one of the straps snapped, and the monster threw the scientist with the needle against the wall.  I could see he was dead from the way he fell, his neck twisted awkwardly beneath him.
“Oh fuck!”  One of the others ran to the wall, slapped a button, and suddenly the entire room was bathed in flashing red lights.
“CONTAINMENT BREACH.  CONTAINMENT BREACH.”
The loud female computer voice and klaxons were drowned out by the roar of the monster as it destroyed the remaining restraints, dropping down amongst the terrified scientists.  My heart leapt into my throat.  I turned and saw the open door behind me.  An abrupt burst of gunfire made my heart jump again.
“Help!  Please help!”
I turned back, the pleas burning into my soul.  Several more of the scientists lay on the floor, unmoving  The security pony who had spoken to me was down as well, along with both human security guards.  Two human scientists and an Equestrian were trapped behind the monster.  It moved towards them.  “Help!  Please don't leave us!”  one of the humans shrieked in terror, beckoning at me.
Turning my back to the door, I drew my pistol and ran forwards.  I fired at the monster again and again, distracting it.  The scientists took the opportunity to make a break towards me.  “Keep going for the door!”  I called out as they passed.  The monster blew its pitcher horns at me, sounding like a runaway freight train.  I saw the razor-sharp tooth-disks spinning inside them all too clearly, and then I felt something warm running down my leg.  I had just pissed myself, maybe shit myself as well.
The monster charged, and I realized we weren't all going to make it to the door.
“Keep running!”  I shouted as I stayed put and tried to hold off the beast.  I threw up a protective magic barrier.  The monster charged me…  and went through my field like it wasn't there.  I thrust out my pistol again, and it made only a pathetic clicking noise.  I had only enough time to wonder how the supposedly magic-enhanced magazine could be empty already, and then it was upon me.
I screamed as it closed in, throwing my hooves in front of my face, then i slipped and felt myself falling to the floor, where  I landed with a splat in something gooey.  I had definitely shit myself, and now I had gotten a face full of it.  For some strange reason it bothered me a lot to die covered in piss and shit, but then my ears were full of the sound of roaring and hooting, and everything went dark as I screamed and screamed until I passed out.


***


“Eris.  ERIS!  Please wake up.”
I opened my eyes slowly.  I was still on the floor of the testing room, but it was now completely empty.  Not even the equipment remained.
“What happened?”  I asked in confusion, realizing I was in James’s arms.  Also I had not imagined pissing and shitting myself.  I reeked.  And so did James, because he was holding me tightly against his chest.
“You took your final test,”  he said.
“Wha- what?”
“This was your final test.”  He pointed towards the top of the room, and I looked up to see holographic projectors mounted around the ceiling.
“You mean they weren't dead? And the monster...?”
“It wasn't real, it was all a simulation.”
Suddenly I was furious.  “Let me go, you fucking bastard!”
“Eris, please!”
I was too outraged to listen as I pushed away from him and staggered back, only to slip in my mess and fall gracelessly onto my sticky butt.  “You sick pervert!  I really thought I was going to die.  I shit all over myself!  You…  you humiliated me!  Oh my gosh, I'm covered in my own…  in my own…  Oh dear."
My eyes welled up with tears.  I hadn't felt this betrayed and humiliated since I got stood up on my first date in high school.  I waited for thirty minutes hoping the colt would show, then the asshole rode by in a carriage full of other mares and spat beer in my face out the window.  I stood their soaked in spit and beer, and I though my life couldn't get any lower as he pointed and laughed hysterically at me.  Up till now, that had been one of my most embarrassing memories.  Of course this elaborate hoax easily surpassed it.
“Go ahead and have your fun,”  I finally said, as I let my head sink down and my messy, tangled mane fell over my face.  The stress and terror and betrayal had worn me out completely, and the shame was too intense for me to withstand any longer.  "Oh my,"  I breathed tremorously, trying to blink back the tears.  "Ohhhh.  I'm so disgusting."
“You're not disgusting,”  James said quietly.  “You're beautiful.”
That wasn't the response I had expected.  The emotion leached out of me, and I just sat and stared at him blankly through my nasty mane, realizing for the first time just how miserable he looked.  Then I was distracted by footsteps in the hallway.
“Nobody is laughing at you,”  Director Stephens said, his tone businesslike and professional as he strode into the room.  “I assure you, this scenario was not intended to haze you, nor is it a joke at your expense.  We have all been through this hardship, and not all of us behaved as admirably as you did.”  He took a knee near me, and bored into my mind with that sharp gaze of his.  "This is a necessary psychological test, and your responses are well within acceptable parameters.  Come and get cleaned up, Miss Sky.  If you still want to work here, you have completed all requirements to do so.  That being said, I also give you my word we will not subject you to anything like this ever again.  So be aware, if you hear the containment alert sounded again in the future, it is the real deal, and life and death will hang in the balance."  After a brief pause, he continued.  "So about working here.  Do you need time to reconsider?  We can-”
"I'm in,"  I said softly, and I was surprised by my own lack of hesitation.
"Excellent."  He reached out his hand to me, and I held up my hoof automatically, forgetting I had just stepped in my own shit.  He shook it earnestly nonetheless, ignoring the foul-smelling personal waste that squished under his fingers.  He didn't flinch, or so much as blink as he held me locked in his steel gaze.
"Welcome to the team, Security Advisor Sky.  I couldn't be more proud to have someone of your caliber onboard with us."
> Chapter 6:  My Pretty Plushie
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both Director Stephens and James helped me up from the floor.  Before we left the room, James scooped up my gun from where I had dropped it upon fainting.
As we exited the door, I realized that quite a few people had been standing by for my scenario.  There was a small side room, the door to which now stood open, and within I could see monitors displaying the interior of the testing room from several angles.  Several security personnel stood nearby, both a male and female with hot pink hair, and two medical techs were collecting their gear as well, one a pony, one human.  Both nodded at me curtly when they noticed my interest.
"In case you had a serious medical reaction,"  Stephens said.
"I see.  There is one thing I don't understand,"  I said.  "I only fired the gun a few times, and it ceased to function.  Also, have you considered the possibility that somepony might decide using their gun on themself is a better option than being eaten alive?"
"We most certainly have,"  Stephens explained.  "That's why James took you to have your gun 'inspected' and also reloaded with simulation rounds that look quite similar to actual imbued crystal bullets.  The magazine is a regular magazine, at that point.  We save the Equestrian imbued ultra capacity magazines for actual live ammunition."
"You mean I was totally unarmed all that time?"
Stephens nodded.  "For your safety and ours.  There is no telling how people will react at their first close encounter with our specimens, even the caged ones, and for obvious reasons during the test.  If you recall, James was by you every second of that time, was he not?  He was your bodyguard should any danger have arisen."
I recalled James repeatedly telling me to stay near him, his hands on me protectively.  Just making sure I didn't wander off.  Just making sure he knew where I was at all times.  Just doing his job.  Somehow, that realization hurt me a little.  I glanced over at him, and he wouldn't meet my eyes.  That hurt too, although I don't know if I would have wanted to look at myself either, standing here stinking, my fur matted with my own raw sewage.
"Can I take a shower, please?"  I asked.  "I am feeling somewhat...  less than presentable right now."
"Sure, but take this first.  Rodriguez?"
One of the security men stepped forward and held out a new pistol to me.  "Loaded with live rounds, ma'am.  Just pull the slide back."  He took the old one from James and tucked it into the empty holster.
"Thank you,"  I said, carefully chambering a glowing round and holstering the firearm on my hip.
"There is a strict two-or-more buddy policy in this area,"  Director Stephens said.  "There is a shower facility close by, but you need to bring one of these security specialists with you, please.  Mia here,"  he gestured at the pink-haired woman in tactical gear, "is willing to help you out."
I glanced hopefully at James, but he seemed to be avoiding my eyes again.  I sighed.  "Hi, Mia.  Nice to meet you."
"The pleasure is all mine, ma'am.  If you would please follow me?"
I trotted along behind her as she walked briskly towards a side door.  Glancing briefly behind, I felt a flush of embarrassment when I saw James and Rodriguez pushing a mop and bucket into the room I had just vacated.
Quickly looking back ahead, I plowed into Mia's butt face first at a good clip.
"Mmmmmmph!"
"Oi!  I'm not totally against this kind of thing, but shouldn't we get to know each other a little better first?"  she said, grinning down at me after I disengaged myself from her perfectly sculpted hindquarters.
My cheeks burned like charcoal briquette embers as I hastily stepped back.  "Oops.  I didn't realize you'd stopped."
She stared at me a little longer, evidently enjoying my discomfiture.  "I see that,"  she finally chuckled as she scanned the door open.  We went past a corner and into a women's locker room.  "Well then Miss Sky, I'll be waiting right here if you need me to save your life.  Or if you'd care to jam your muzzle into me again."  She sat on the bench and crossed her legs, laying her shotgun across her knees in a relaxed fashion.  "Oh, and by the way, try not to be too pissed at James, okay?  He really wasn't happy about setting you up for that test."
"I'll take that under advisement,"  I said.  "On the bright side, at least I didn't have to sharpen any No. 2 pencils.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wash off before my mane gets stuck like this."
She nodded at me, and I went back into the shower stalls.  
I picked one, and I saw a small covered shelf inside nearby the soap and shampoo dispensers.  It took me a moment to realize I was supposed to place my gun there.  James really hadn't been kidding about keeping it within reach.  Not that I thought he had, but still.  A pistol shelf in the shower kind of has far reaching implications in a place like this.  Come to think of it, the feeling you get when you're washing your face and it's like you imagine something sneaking up on you while your eyes are closed might actually be legitimate here.  What an unpleasant idea.  Then again, being deliberately terrorized to the point you shit all over yourself and pass out as a pre-employment test kind of has far reaching implications too, doesn't it?
Once I began soaping up, it occurred to me I should wash my dirty holster and gear too.  I did so, then I hung it on a hook in the stall and looked critically at my ARHUD.  Well, supposedly it's waterproof and scratchproof, so I cleaned it thoroughly as well.  I continued washing myself after carefully setting it on the little shower bench.  As I let the hot water run over me and watched the brown suds circle the drain, I ran over the events of the day in my mind.  All in all it had been exhausting and draining, to say the least.  That final burst of sheer terror and adrenaline had made me incredibly tired, and also hungry.  Come to think of it, I hadn't eaten in hours.
"Mia?"
"Yeah?  You okay?"
"I'm fine.  I'm just wondering what time dinner is."
"We can head to chow right after you see the doc."
"Do we have to?  I'm starving!"
"It's just a formality, it won't take long."
I sighed and finished washing my mane, then rinsed off.  I didn't see any towels, but there was a large blow-dry unit that worked wonders for my fur instead.  Feeling fluffy and a thousand times better, I dried off my gear and snapped it back into place, returning the pistol to the holster, and clopped out across the tile floor.
"Wowee.  You look like a different pony,"  Mia purred as I walked back to the lockers.
"I feel alive again,"  I replied.  "Only to die dramatically of starvation.  Play sad music, roll credits.  Can we hurry please?"
Mia giggled musically and stood.  "You're funny, uh, ma'am.  Sorry, I don't mean any disrespect, but, ummm..."  She trailed off and kept staring at me.
"Ugh.  Fine.  Go ahead and do it,"  I said.
"Do what?"
"You want to feel my clean fur, right?  It's written all over your face.  So go ahead and put your paws on me.  But purely platonic, okay?"
"Hell, yes!"  She instantly squatted down and started ruffling my fur, then pulled her ARHUD off and pressed her face against my fluff, wrapping her arms around me.  "Mmmm, oh my gosh, you're so soft and warm!  I could do this all day!"
I'm not going to lie, it actually felt really good to be touched and squeezed like that.  I gave her a few seconds, then my stomach growled.  "Okay okay, that's enough for now.  Any longer and you'll be hugging a dead pony."
Reluctantly she let me go.  "Thanks,"  she said as she stood up, put her ARHUD back on and adjusted her shotgun.  "You're really awesome, Miss Sky."
I put a hoof to my face.  Seriously?  After all that?  "Oh come on, not you too.  Call me Eris."
"Sorry, while I was sitting here I got to thinking maybe I'd been a little too forward, I mean, you are like my boss and all."
"You're fine, Mia.  It takes a lot more than that to upset me."
"Oh really?"  she said, her tone loaded.
"Don't push your luck, human."
We were both giggling as we exited the locker room.


***


"You look perfectly fine to me,"  the doctor said, holding a scanner in his hoof while he checked my vision.  A human doctor stood nearby, watching with interest.  They had explained to me that the Equestrian doctor was learning human equipment and physiology, while the human doctor was teaching him how to use human medical gear and simultaneously learning about Equestrian medicine.  A helpful symbiotic relationship.
"Thanks, can I head to dinner now?"
"Certainly, just don't forget to get some rest tonight.  You've had a busy day."
I left the doctor's office, and Mia stood up from a metal chair to greet me.  "So, what's the word?"
"Fit as a fiddle, albeit a tired fiddle,"  I said.  "Now show me the grub."
As we neared the chow hall, I could hear lamentation coming from within.  My curiosity aroused yet again, I went inside.
"My goodness!"  Cookie moaned at the counter, his hands raised in sorrow.  "What HAVE you been making these poor people eat?"
"We aren't chefs,"  another man behind the counter told him angrily, waving a ladle.  "We're just service support personnel!"
"This won't do!  This simply won't do!"  Cookie exclaimed.
"Well it's all we've got for now,"  said one of the men in the food line.  "And people are hungry, move along!"
Grumbling, Cookie held out his bowl and accepted the gluey mix of purple slop, green slop, and yellow slop.  As he left the line he spotted me.  "Hey!  Miss Eris!"
I waved a hoof, a smile breaking out on my face.  "Hey Cookie, you causing trouble in here?"
He frowned.  "This is unacceptable.  Do you see this stuff on my plate?  This is not food!"
"You're right,"  Mia agreed.  "But it's been that or packaged meals for some time now.  ProteC got wind of it, and they sent us you."
"You will see a change very soon,"  Cookie said ominously.  "After we share suffering at this table tonight, I shall begin lessons as Head Chef!  Mark my words, this state of affairs will not continue through the morrow!"
I giggled as he strode off to the table, then I grabbed my tray and received my dish of goop.  Apparently it was supposed to be some kind of meat and beans with vegetables and corn bread.  I've never seen bread that looked like yellow oatmeal before, though.
The three of us sat together, and despite the horror on our plates and the piss-tasting watered-down "Gatorade", the old saying "hunger is the best spice" came into play strongly, causing us to eat with gusto.
"At least they have fresh fruits,"  Cookie said, crunching into an apple.
"Now you see why people were coming back from New Monterrey trips with duffel bags full of snacks,"  Mia laughed.
"Do I ever!  Uh, Eris, are you okay?"
"Wha?"  I said, lifting my face off the plate where I'd been taking a nap.  "Oh.  Crap."
"You poor dear,"  Mia exclaimed.  "You'd better get to bed.  Do you need help?"
"No thanks,"  I said, rising from the table and trying to lift my tray.
"I've got it,"  Cookie said, kindly.  "I'll drop it at the wash counter for you."
"Thank you,"  I yawned.  "I'm sorry but I'd better be going, before I fall asleep in the hallway."
"I'll go with you,"  Mia said.  She grabbed my tray and hers over Cookie's protests, and dropped them off at the dish washing counter.
"Well then, I'll see you later,"  I said to Cookie.
"Come to breakfast in the morning,"  he said, a glint in his eye.  "I'll beat a right proper meal out of these slackers, see if I don't!"
I grinned tiredly and staggered off towards the door.  Mia made sure I didn't walk into anything as we proceeded to my room.
"Good night,"  she said at my door.  "Are you sure you don't want..."  she trailed off, seeing my drooping eyes.  "Never mind.  I'll see you later, Eris."
"Good night, Mia.  Thanks for everything."  I stifled another yawn as she gave me a pat on the neck and left.
I barely managed to wash my face, brush my teeth, and stagger to bed, setting my pistol  and ARHUD on the bedside table.  I dropping my holster on the floor, then immediately stumbled over it as I got into bed.  I had just slid under my sheets and dimmed the lights when some awful noise came drifting out of the depths, right at the edge of my perception.
"JUB JUB JUB.  JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB."
It was an icky, hollow hooting cry, like a plastic drum half-full of water being pounded with a mallet.  It made my skin crawl.  Damn monsters.  I shivered and turned the lights back up a little more, then I groaned and shoved the pillow over my ears, remembering with a pang of regret that I had forgotten to return to the armory and pick up the shotgun Willy had promised me.
Crap.  I started to wish I had asked Mia to stay here just to use me as a plushie.  I bet she would have been delighted, although she probably would have ended up using me for a sex toy as well.
"JUB JUB JUB JUB JUB."
Double crap.  At this point I was almost willing to be used as a sex toy just to have some company.
Good night, Menagerie.  Hello, nightmares.
> Chapter 7:  My Own Bathroom
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I awoke with a start, realizing I hadn't set any alarms, and I had no idea what time it was.
"Oh crap,"  I said to myself, then I realized I also had no idea where to go or what to do anyway, which worried me even more.   Upon checking my wristband, the hologram told me it was only 0637.  Good, I hadn't slept unreasonably late, but that still didn't tell me where I needed to go this morning.
I puzzled over this while I showered and brushed my teeth.  I didn't really want to message Director Stephens and ask, drawing my boss's attention to my ignorance.  I could message Mia, but I was fairly certain she had not been briefed with my schedule.  That left James, and I just wasn't ready to face him.  I had honestly thought he liked me, and I still felt humiliated by my own naivete.
"That's what you get for assuming someone is your buddy after just a few hours,"  I chided myself in the mirror.  "Oh hi James, wanna show me around the facility?  Oh hi James, I know we just met but wanna watch me mess myself and cower in fear, then maybe after you clean my poop off the floor we can go back to my place and I'll sit in your lap while you ruffle my fur?  Stupid, stupid filly.  He probably really dodged a bullet avoiding your dumb ass."  I stuck my tongue out at myself, and went to get dressed for the day.  I had brought some clothes along with me, and after a day of having my pistol harness chafe my skin, I was ready to try them on.  Most ponies don't seem to mind, maybe I'm just a little sensitive.  Not to mention with all the tentacles around, I'd feel a little better with my girly bits covered up.  If you've watched a few Japanese animes, you'd know what I'm talking about.  You may wonder how I even know about this kind of thing, but I'll just say that anime is becoming quite popular in Equestria, even in the short time since our worlds collided.  The initial Internet connections were slow at first, but ProteC has since dropped some fiber-optic lines and figured out a way to shield them better from Gate anomaly interference.  Apparently ProteC also had a stash of older company-provided communication devices that had been outdated since the ARHUDs came online, and they handed the crates over to Princess Celestia after installing some wireless network towers.  Now a lot of happy ponies with cellphones and tablets are downloading copious amounts of human porn around the clock.  Such is the world (worlds?) we live in.
Anyway, I opened my pink bag and pulled out my boots, stockings, shorts, and a top, all neatly matching in black.  Once I finished putting them on, I surveyed the effect while reared up in front of the bathroom mirror.
I looked like a hooker.
"I know,"  I said to myself, and quickly buckled on my pistol and holster.
Now I looked like I was wearing a policewoman fetish costume.
It was certainly more comfortable to wear my gear over clothing though, the straps didn't press into my skin as much.  The freedom of movement was very good too, and I mentally balanced that against the possibility of encouraging Mia to hit on me without mercy.  I figured I could probably live with the latter effect.  Besides, who cares?  I'd been nude yesterday.  Now I was wearing clothes.  Get over yourselves, people.
I exited my room, and as it was still a bit quiet, I went upstairs to see if I could pick up the weapon I'd requested, if the armory was open.
"Mornin', lass!  You are lookin' most easy on the eyes today, if I do say so."
It was open.
Willy hooked me up with a nice pump-action dual-magazine 12-gauge bullpup shotgun, complete with holographic sights, a built-in green laser sitting right above an equally embedded LED flashlight, and a bandoleer belt containing additional glowing magic-enhanced shells that fit nicely around my waist.  The shotgun itself strapped onto my back through the use of a specially-designed-for-ponies harness that kept it secure and out of my way.  The entire system, like all ProteC weapons, immediately synchronized with my ARHUD visor whenever I held it, providing me with ammunition count and other useful diagnostic information.
I was very pleased, and so was Willy when I gave him a peck on the cheek.
"All in a day's work ma'am,"  he said, blushing slightly.
After finishing at the armory, I headed down to the chow hall for breakfast.  I was greeted by fantastic smells as I approached the door, and upon entering, confirmed that chow line indeed had a different atmosphere this morning.  People were smiling, and the air was of festivity rather than depression.  Cookie was behind the counter, grinning and making omelettes.  "And how about for you, Miss Eris?"  he said, upon catching sight of me.
"Cheese omelette please, no meats, all the veggies,"  I requested, then I leaned closer to the counter.  "You did it, Cookie.  This looks so much better!"
"Thank you, Missy!  And your breakfast is comin' right up!  Enjoy!  Oh, and Mexican for lunch.  There will be cheese enchiladas and bean burritos for you, don't worry!"
After Cookie slid the omelette onto my plate, I thanked him and I completed my trip through the breakfast line with the addition of some pancakes and hash browns.

I finally decided to check in with James via text.

Eris Sky - Good morning.

James Ruttege - Hey Eris.  How are you?

Eris Sky- Not bad, thanks.  Do you have any idea what my schedule is supposed to be today?  I have no notifications or appointments on my calendar.

James Ruttege - Just stop by the Director's office sometime this morning.  He didn't specify when.  Oh and Eris?

Eris - Yes?

I waited.  There was a rather long delay.

James Ruttege - Sorry, never mind.

Eris Sky - Okay, thanks.

I rubbed my nose in thought.  I knew he wanted to ask me something and had eventually decided against it, but what could it have been?  As I sat there puzzling, Mia appeared out of nowhere and banged her tray down on the table next to mine.
"Hey sunshine!"  she chirped, sliding into the booth next to me.
"Oh hey, good morning."
"That's a nice outfit you've got on.  It's sexy."
"Thanks?"
"And a nice shotgun too.  The perfect accessory."
"I just picked it up from the armory.  I am already rather fond of it."
"Mmm.  There's nothing quite like a pretty girl with a big gun,"  Mia said with a wink.
"The same could be said about you,"  I retorted.  Is it really a retort to fire back a compliment?  I'm not sure.  It just sounded good.
Mia's perpetual smile widened.  "Aww.  You're adorable!"  she cooed, and I had the distinct feeling if we weren't in public I'd be getting squeezed silly again.
"You're like a wolf,"  I said.
"Because of the way I'm wolfing down these sausages?  Does it bother you to watch me eat meat?"
"Not at all.  I meant because of the way you were looking at me.  Yeah, like that."
"Maybe I'd like to eat you up," she giggled.
"I'm sure you would.  And you're very pretty.  However, I'm not sure I'm into the whole girl-on-girl thing."
"Aww, I'm sorry Eris.  I'm just playing with you.  I mean, not that I wouldn't like to play more,  but I just like flirting with you, ya know?  I can stop if it's making you feel uncomfortable."
"Naw, I like you the way you are,"  I said, decisively.  "Keep on making me smile.  From what I can see, smiles can be hard to come by down here, and the last thing I want to do is waste them being a prude."
She grinned at me.  "Thanks, Miss Boss Lady.  The truth is, I don't like girls that way either."
"Wha?"  I couldn't hide my surprise.  "But all this time...?  And you've been...?"
"Let me tell you a secret, okay?"  Mia leaned in very close, pressing her slender, smooth body against me.  I felt her hand resting gently on my stockinged thigh, and my body shivered involuntarily at her soft touch.  I inhaled sharply, and I could feel her warm breath tickling my ear as she whispered into it.  "I don't like girls, darling.  I just like you.  In every way."
I felt my cheeks heat up again.  "Oh my,"  was all I could think to say.
Mia quickly slid away from me.  "Well, I've got to get to work.  I'm in the Level One labs today, babysitting scientists and evil space plants that shoot itching powder.  It'll be a cakewalk."  She reached a fist out to me, and I bumped it gently with my hoof.  "See you later, fuzzpoof!"
I nervously glanced around the room as she walked away, but either nobody noticed or nobody cared about what had been going on at our table.  There was plenty of animated conversation, and it appeared everyone in the vicinity was deeply engrossed in their own interests and problems.
Somewhat relieved, I bemusedly watched Mia head out the door, her petite hips swaying in her tight-fitting cargo pants,  her collar-length pink hair contrasting sharply with the black ProteC tactical shirt she wore.  Several furtive glances were cast her way by momentarily distracted males of both species as she sauntered past.
I couldn't blame them.  She certainly was something else.


***


"This can be your office, Advisor Sky,"  Director Stephenson told me some time later, as he opened a door in the long tunnel a fair distance from his own.  The room beyond was perhaps twice the size of my bedroom, and had a desk with a nice holoterminal on it.  The walls were lined with shelves and filing cabinets, most of them empty, some with books and folders on them.
"I've had hard case files on many of the creatures down below placed in your possession, and you have full access to all digital data on contained entities, as well as the data compilation from ProteC field agent teams and facility links,"  he told me.  "This should help you perform any research you need, at least to the best of our ability to provide you with information.  Of course you also have Internet access at the terminal."
"Thanks Director.  If I might ask, can't the ARHUD do the same job as the holo terminals?"
"Well of course, but do you want to wear it all day if you don't have to?  It's nice to sit back and relax sometimes, right?"
"Good point,"  I agreed.  "Thanks."
"Anything to make your time here more agreeable and productive, Advisor Sky.  In the meantime, I have duties I must return to.  Will you be okay?"
"Yes, thank you Director, you've been more than helpful."
"Then if you need anything, simply ask."  Director Stephens stepped out the door.  "Oh and one more thing,"  he said, pausing in the doorway.
"Yes, sir?"
"You have access both to the labs in Level One and Level Two.  Just remember, in Level One you're okay wandering around by yourself as long as other people are present.  In Level Two, be certain you request a security escort before entering the area."
"Yes sir.  I will be careful."
He smiled, and left me to examine my work area, the door closing behind him.  I found the desk and holo terminal to be agreeable, and the desk chair was comfortable and elaborately adjustable, perfect to fit my non-human stature.  On exploring further, I found a closet and a small bathroom.
"I have an office with my own  bathroom,"  I whispered to myself, feeling rather pleased.  Okay, it was like a couple hundred feet underground in a monster-infested maintenance tunnel network, but that's just small details.  Right?
Standing my shotgun in a corner near the desk chair, I took my ARHUD off, rubbed my forehead a bit, then activated the holo terminal and began poking around the Internet.  On a whim, I visited Princess Celestia's page.  Scrolling along through her numerous posts, I found many pictures of both her and Luna, as well as pictures of her driving her ProteC car around Canterlot and the surrounding countryside.
The page was immensely popular.  She had millions of human fans, most of them delighted by everything she did.  Scrolling through the "Best Pony!" and "my waifu!" comments, some of which Celestia responded to herself, I eventually saw ongoing arguments about whether she was real or not.  Apparently some humans were still convinced she was simply an elaborate Hasbro marketing scheme.  Chuckling at this, I also discovered a minority of commenters talking about the "rise of the Lunar republic" and the "overthrow of the tyrant Celestia."  Apparently Luna herself condemning these trolls on Celestia's page still wasn't enough to deter the deluded clowns.
Shaking my head, I scrolled back up, upvoted some of Celestia's cuter pictures, and then spent a little time browsing videos on the Net with titles like "faceplant" and "people falling down."  This gave me a brief case of the giggles, and eventually led me to a video of some overweight woman in a swimsuit eating cereal out of a bathtub full of milk, at which point I decided I'd had enough Internet for the time being.
I got up and pulled down a few files off the shelf, spread them across my desk, and got to work studying everything I could learn about the main mission of the Menagerie.
Hours ticked by, during which I was engrossed in intense reading.  I'd taken only a pee break and a few short stretches, and I was starting to think about lunch, when the lights flickered.
"What the hay?"  I said to myself, sitting up alertly and waiting for anything else to happen.  I glanced up at the lights, but they gave me no clues.  After several seconds of quiet, a longer brownout ensued, with the lights dimming slightly before coming back to full brightness.
Minorly worried, I texted Mia on my ARHUD.

Eris Sky - Hey, what’s up with the lights?

Mia Carson - I’m not sure, but it happens sometimes.  It’s probably no big deal.

Eris Sky - So I shouldn’t worry?  Don’t some of the cages down below need electricity to maintain containment integrity?

Mia Carson - Yeah, but as long as we don’t lose power, it’s fine.  Don’t worry, hon, it hasn't happened yet.  This place isn’t the newest, a lot of the systems have hiccups now and then.  It'll be okay.

Eris Sky - Thanks, Mia.  That makes me feel a lot better.

Mia Carson - <3

Somewhat reassured, I returned to the papers I was studying.  There was a lot of information contained within.  The dossiers on a single creature were extensive and thick, many containing technical data and scientific jargon I couldn't even understand.  With a sigh, I reached out for a sheet of paper and-
The lights went out abruptly, and my room was plunged into pitch blackness.
“Oh, crap.”
> Chapter 8:  The Floodgates
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever been in a cave when the lights go out?  The darkness of the underground is suffocating and complete, so utterly without sensation that I couldn't see my hoof in front of my face.  I stumbled about, groping for...
Oh yeah, I had my ProteC holobracelet, duh.
I quickly tapped the bracelet with my hoof to activate flashlight mode.  It fired a brilliant beam of light from the holoemitter,  illuminating my dark office quite effectively.  Using the light, I swiftly put on my ARHUD glasses.  The bracelet switched off as my infrared lights came on, showing the office clearly, albeit in black and white.  I picked up my shotgun and rapidly secured it to my body, then hurried to the door and poked my nose out.
Dim emergency lights were on in the hallway, and it was in a bit of a commotion.  Everywhere I saw humans in exo suits and ponies carrying rifles and shotguns.
"What's going on?"  I asked a nearby stallion.
"Main power conduit is down,"  he replied.  "We are going to have to go into the Level Two tunnels to investigate."
He hurried on as I saw a message finally scrolling in my ARHUD:

///ALL UNASSIGNED SECURITY PERSONNEL
EQUIP PRIMARY WEAPONS, EXOSKELETONS, AND ANY SPECIALTY GEAR.
ASSEMBLE IN LEVEL TWO CONTAINMENT AREA ENTRANCE HALL FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS.///

"Unassigned security personnel, hmm?"  I said to myself, glancing away from the repeating message.  "All right then, I'm on it."  I reflexively tapped my shotgun with a hoof, verifying its presence even though I had just strapped it on, and slipped out into the hallway, closing my office door behind me.  I quickly entered the flow of armed guards, staccato hoof beats mixing with the slight whir of human exo suits.  One of the benefits to being an Equestrian, we are stronger and faster than humans, so we don't wear exo suits.  In fact they would just slow us down.  You may wonder why we carry human primary weapons, even though unicorns such as myself have magical powers, but the truth is, even with our magic, we have limited resources at any given time and can exhaust them easily, rendering us temporarily defenseless.  In the middle of a life-or-death battle, that can end very badly.  ProteC encourages us to use modified firearms for offence, and save as much of our internal magic as possible for defense.  It's a valid and simple strategy that I fully endorse.
Following the general rush down through the Level One labs, I looked around for Mia, but I couldn't spot her in the chaos.  I continued with the swarm until we reached the Level Two entry way on the bottom floor, where Director Stephens awaited us, standing before the sealed door.  The room got quite full, there had to be at least forty or fifty people in it, including Equestrians.  I spotted a few research personnel as well, also carrying large guns although they lacked exo suits.  
"What are you guys planning to do?"  I asked one of them.
"We aren't really equipped for the tunnel mission,"  he told me.  "But we can augment the guards here at Containment in case things get out of hand."  He hefted his rifle.
"Good plan,"  I said.  I looked behind him.  "Cookie?  Is that you?"
"Hey Miss Eris,"  Cookie grinned, holding a rifle.
"You're here too?"
"Ain't too much getting cooked upstairs with no power, ya know,"  he replied.  "I reckon my services are worth more down here holding the line, if it comes to that, although I'm sure it won't."
I smiled.  "You're a good cookie, Cookie."
He chuckled.  "And you're down here too, so I'd say we are both cut from the same cookie cutter."
"I... uh,  I've run out of cookie jokes,"  I admitted lamely.
"Happens to the best of us.  Looks like we're about to begin.  Good luck, Miss Eris."
"Thanks.  You too."
Director Stephens looked across the group and motioned for quiet.  The noise died down immediately, and he began talking.  
"Okay, now that most everyone is here, allow me to appraise you of the situation.  As you have no doubt already noticed, our main power conduit has been severed.  Now while this has shut down all non-essential circuits, including lighting, the Level Two containment block is still running under auxiliary power, so there's no need to panic."
A security guard pushed his way up to Stephens, and whispered in his ear urgently.
"I take that back,"  Stephens called out.  "The auxiliary power is showing unusual fluctuations as well.  So now is probably an excellent time to panic, although none of you will, because you aren't that kind of people, anyway.  We need teams to get at least two miles into that tunnel to the auxiliary connection, and keep it from going down, or every damn monster in this place is gonna be running free!  Eris, James, are you guys in here?"
I gulped and pushed my way to the front.  "Here, sir!"
James pushed up immediately after and nodded at me and Stephens.  "Here."  I noticed he had his exo on.  Also it looked like he was staring at my outfit, but Stephenson quickly addressed us both, interrupting my analysis of James's facial expression.
"Anything you'd like to add?"  he asked us.  "Chief Lewis is still out on leave.  You're the ranking security personnel right now."
I nodded and looked at James.  "You wanna go first?"
"Sure, Eris."  He turned to the crowded hall.  "Grab the person next to you, they are your battle buddy!  Do not get separated!  You do not want to be alone out there with nobody watching your back!"  He then gave me a gentle nudge.
"I will try to solve problems as we go,"  I said loudly.  "I will need to be near the front to provide  intel and guidance on developing situations."
James caught my eye questioningly, and I nodded at him.  "Let's do this."
"Aye, ma'am,"  he said, then addressed the waiting people.  "Allright! Grab vehicles and form up by the main door!  Let's go beat some monster ass!"
The door to the Level Two zone hissed open, and personnel began rushing into it.  James grabbed me by the shoulder as I turned.  "I'm with you, Eris."
"Okay then."
"Guys, wait for me!"  Mia called, running up to us, her exo humming.  "Let's go together."
"I thought you were in Level One?"  I said.
"I gave that to someone else who thought I was crazy to trade.  I knew you guys would be down here."
"The more the merrier, then.  We're off to see the Wizard!"  James said, heading towards the tunnel entrance.
As we strode through the door and out into the huge dark room beyond, I could see weapon lights playing from the catwalks where guards were making sure the "guests" didn't vacate their accommodations.  Some research and other non-exo suited personnel rushed upstairs to join them, while others ran for the door we were about to open to provide perimeter security.  Out across the containment area, I could also see sparks showering from one of the high-voltage enclosures, followed by the bellowing of whatever was within.  The creatures definitely knew something was up, and they were testing the defenses.  As we headed for the tunnel entrance, I saw additional sparks from other enclosures, and smoldering eyes watching me as things unseen in the darkness paced back and forth behind bars and glass.  
The natives were very restless indeed down here.  Fortunately the turrets still had green lights.
"What is it with ProteC and all the management personnel leading the charge?"  Mia asked as we began jogging around the perimeter and towards the vehicle alcove.
"It's the Star Trek principle,"  James said, scanning the room without turning his head to us.  "A leader, uh, leads the way.  You never saw Captain Kirk bringing up the rear!"
"True enough,"  Mia replied.  "Kirk was always very aggressive.   I find that sexy in a man."  She grinned lecherously behind James's back.
"Jeez, Mia,"  I said.
"What, you jealous I'm not all yours?"
"No, but now?  Seriously?  Okay, maybe I am jealous, a little."
Mia shrugged.  "Don't be too jealous, you're out in front too, mah baybay, and that's definitely sexy.  Besides, we could all be dead in fifteen minutes.  I'd hate to go out wishing I'd had more fun while I had the chance."
"Touché."
"What are you guys on about?"  James asked.
"Nothing,"  Mia and I replied in unison.
"Let's mount up, then."  James grabbed the handlebars of a huge ATV and switched on the gas engine.  The thing was almost the size of a small car.
I watched for a moment, then Mia shoved me so hard towards him I stumbled.  "Hey!"
"Get on with him, you dork,"  she hissed at me.  "Or I will."
I quickly climbed up behind James.  "Is this okay?"  I asked in his ear, as I put my forehooves around his waist.
"Officially the best part of my day,"  he replied.  "I'd like to try it again sometime, under better circumstances perhaps?"
"I think I'd like that."
James looked at me out of the corner of his eye, grinning widely.  "I'm going to remember you said that, Eris."  He faced back to the front and began flipping switches.
"Yeah, bu-MMMMPH!" I was abruptly cut off as Mia seized my face, pulling me to the side and planting her soft lips on my muzzle.  I felt my eyes bulging like dinner plates as her tongue slipped briefly into my mouth, then suddenly it was over.  "In case we all fucking die,"  she whispered as she let my head go and jumped back onto her own ATV.  She then leaned off the machine towards me again.  
"You thought your first human kiss would be James, but it was I, Mia!"
"You're nuts,"  I hissed back, and stuck my tongue out.
"You ready back there, Eris?"  James asked, obliviously.  "What's going on?"
"Y-yeah,  I'm good."  I absently touched my muzzle with my hoof.
"Allright, hang on!"  He touched the accelerator handle, and the four-wheeler scooted forward with a growl.  
I squeaked and threw my hooves back around him.
He quickly swerved around the other ATVs and took a position in front, Mia pulling up beside us.  Before us was the enormous concrete and steel tunnel separation door.  Behind us was a raiding party of ProteC security, armed to the teeth and revving their engines.  Although I knew I should be terrified, I somehow felt exhilarated as well.  I looked back, and I saw weapon lights piercing the darkness, ARHUDS softly glowing on ponies and humans with determined looks.  I saw something I was proud to be a part of.  We were the pack leaders, and it was going to be one hell of a ride.
"Ready!"  James bellowed.  "Open 'er up!"
The door let out a reverberating boom, then opened slowly, the giant panels swinging outwards against the tunnel's dark walls, revealing darkness with distant flickering lights at long distances beyond.
I quickly reached behind my back and whipped my shotgun out, leaning out past James and firing one-hoofed twice.  Shells clicked on the ground as I pumped the gun with my telekinesis.
Two giant multi-legged insects splattered in midair, chunks of chitin and gore splattering on the concrete floor.
"Nice shooting,"  James said.
"Thanks."  I used my magic to reload the weapon without using my hooves.  "Uh, there's more out there, or something."
Out in the darkness, the shadows were moving, seemingly trying to avoid the headlight pools.
"We don't have time to deal with this shit,"  James growled.  "Any second we could lose power completely!  We're going to have to make a run for it."
"You guys go, we'll take care of any monsters trying to get in the door,"  one of the men on foot behind us yelled.  "Good luck!"
"Allright.  Here we go!"  James jerked the throttle hard, and we roared forward into the darkness.
> Chapter 9:  Einhänder
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------






(Art by NixWorld)






I clutched James's waist as we drove into the dark zone.  The lights were out behind us, but the weapon lights and portable illumination made things visible in the containment area.  As we passed the threshold into the deep gloom beyond, however, my ARHUD began using low-light image enhancement.  Thanks to the local mesh network, the cameras of every ARHUD in our group contributed to the overall effect, and I could see slightly better after a few seconds.
The tunnel was crawling with creatures of various shapes and varieties.  Keeping one hoof around James's waist, I continued to lean out to the side, firing and reloading as he swerved around bigger creatures.  Tentacles and teeth reached for us, met with powerful blasts of magic-enhanced buckshot.
"Be careful!"  James's voice came in my ARHUD.  "Don't fall off!"
"Don't worry, I've got a good grip,"  I replied, the wind from our speed blowing my mane behind me.  Looking ahead of us, I saw a thick collection of dangerous-looking giant fungi.  There was no doubt they were aware of our presence, too, as their tentacles waved hungrily towards us.  "James?"
"I see it.  I don't see a way around, though."
"Go through it,"  I said.
"Those mushroom things look nasty.  I'm not liking the tendrils.  Or the mouths."
"Trust me."  I switched to an open channel.  "All personnel, follow our lead!  Single file!"  I switched back to our little team channel. 	"Go faster, James.  I'll protect us.  Stay right behind us, Mia."
"I'm practically sniffing your fluffy little tail, boss lady."
"Good.  Punch it, James!"
"We'll wreck on that.  We need to stop!"
"I can handle it, but we need to be going fast enough or we'll get stuck.  Are you gonna trust me or not?"
He hesitated a moment, then growled and twisted the throttle.  The engine rapidly increased in pitch.  We were doing at least sixty miles an hour as the overgrown patch approached.
"If you're gonna do something, now is the time!"  James shouted.  Just as we were about to slam into the eager vegetation, I leaned forward and projected a wide high energy magical forcefield in front of our ATV.
Plants and monsters blasted to each side as we plowed through, the barrier shearing them off and knocking them away like a runaway bulldozer.  The ride got bumpier as we ran over bits of meat and vegetation, then we were through and continuing down the tunnel.  Behind us, Mia followed in our tracks, with a long line of other vehicles on her tail.
"Whew."  I sank back momentarily.  Projecting that field had been a lot of effort, even if it was only for a brief time.  I was pretty drained.
"Whooo!  Good job, Eris!"  James yelled, pumping a fist in the air.
"Thanks."  I leaned back around him, shotgun at the ready.  I immediately saw dark objects flying towards us.  "Incoming airborne!" I shouted over the general channel.
Heavy gunfire sent hundreds of purple streaks racing out to meet the attacking flyers as we continued down the tunnel.  The invading swarm thinned, but some still came towards us despite the frantic gunfire.  I fired again and again, wildly swinging the shotgun around with my forehoof and telekinesis.
Then they were upon us.  I had an unpleasant vision of a disk with a mouth like a sea lamprey, compound eyes, and a circular arrangement of insectile legs.  The little bastards buzzed and hovered, matching speeds with us and closing in.  On the backs of several of the ATVs, the passengers switched to plasma blades, swatting the hideous creatures in mid-air and defending their drivers. Gunplay was becoming increasingly difficult, and I did not possess a plasma blade as they were a very limited quantity item.  My magic still hadn't recovered from the barrier I used, either.  Keeping the "bugs" off James to the best of my ability by bashing them with the shotgun or shooting them when possible, I suddenly remembered Mia was riding alone behind us.  I looked back and saw she was driving with one hand, a pistol in the other.
"Mia, are you okay?"  I asked, pausing to eliminate a hovering attacker.  I reloaded as fast as I could, my telekinetic field flying shells from my belt to my shotgun.
"Yeah, it seems most of them are going for you guys since you're in the front."  She fired a shot, splattering a bug in midair.  "I also have to be careful how I shoot so I don't hit you by accident!"  She swung her pistol and smacked one that had decided to pause right in front of her nose.  It veered sideways and hit the ground, instantly being run over by another ATV that looked like a rolling laser light show with the guy waving a plasma blade on the back.
Shooting the bugs was difficult, but their tendency to hover before striking coupled with my weapon laser and ARHUD reticle was certainly helping.  "Yeah, this is really-EEEK!"  I squealed, whacking wildly behind my head to dislodge the icky feet I felt scrabbling there.  The little bastard fell on the tunnel floor, and Mia ran it over with a crunch audible over the screaming motors.  "Good riddance,"  I growled, and looked around for more.  I noticed the combat had subsided, apparently we had dealt severe damage to the swarm, and I could see only a few stragglers.  A few more swings of plasma blades here and there took care of them, and we were in the clear.  I could hear plasma blades turning off around us, then suddenly i heard a solid thud on the front of our ATV.
"Gah!  Eris, help!"  James shouted as the vehicle began jerking side to side.
"What the hay?"  I leaned forward around him, and there was some awful furry dog-thing with centipede legs and fish eyes trying to crawl up the front of the ATV.  It had a good grip on the bars, and was apparently trying to flip us by yanking on them.  James was effectively locked in a dangerous tug-of-war with the ugly creature.
I leaned far out around him and one-hoofedly fired the shotgun right into its gaping, tentacle-filled mouth, blowing its head into mist and fragments.  There was a brief additional spray of guts and slime as the wheels dragged the corpse underneath and crushed it to a pulp.
"Hasta la vista, baby,"  I said, feeling rather bad ass.
"I got a nice view when you leaned out like that,"  Mia cooed cheerfully in our private team sub channel.  "Ass a la vista, baby."
"Mia, stop!"  I was glad it was only the three of us in this particular conversation.
"I'm jealous of you, Mia,"  James added.  "I can't see anything but monsters up here.  Does the air rushing by make her tail lift?"
"It sure does.  You have no idea how good her little pony butt looks in sheer pantyhose."
"Both of you stop!  Oh my gosh!"
"I'm sorry Eris honey, all this excitement kind of got me going.  You can spank me afterwards, if you want," Mia suggested helpfully.
"I'll do it if you don't want to, Eris,"  James offered.  "She deserves it, talking about your sexy rear end like that.  She should have more respect for her superiors."
"Or you could both do it,"  Mia added, thoughtfully.  "Bend me over and take turns paddling me like a naughty schoolgirl."
"I can't even believe what I'm hearing,"  I groaned.  "What is it with you guys?"
"It's just a bit of- Shit!"  Mia suddenly exclaimed.
"What?"
"Look at the floor, Eris!  There's a big ass hole!  Stop the convoy!"
"Oh, crap!  Everypony, halt!"  I called out on the general channel.  The sound of ATVs screeching to a stop filled the air, and then we fetched up at an idle, the others pulling onto a line with us.
Mia giggled a little.
"What now?"  I asked.
"Big shit ass hole,"  Mia said, chuckling.  "An ass hole big enough to drive a convoy into!"
Ignoring her, I frowned at the dark area just ahead.  A number of the floor grates had apparently fallen in, leaving a deep chasm stretching the width of the tunnel.  "Well, crap.  Now what?"
James touched his chin thoughtfully.  "Well, there's no way to jump it, but you notice how the walls are kind of curved?  It's like being inside a pipe, here.  I think maybe if we took it at the right angle and gave it some gas, we could wall ride past the hole."
"Hmm, I'll give it a try,"  Mia said, moving up alongside us.
"Hold on a sec, Mia.  We should check what's in that hole first,"  I suggested.  "I'd hate to see you ride up there and get snatched off and eaten alive while we all watched in horror."
Mia sighed heavily, but she followed my instructions.  "Yeah, sure.  Have at it, then."  She gestured towards the hole dismissively.
"Hang on,"  James said.  He got off our ATV and picked up a short piece of pipe refuse from the floor, tossing it towards the wall.  It clanked down near the broken grates, then something whipped up out of the ditch, snatched it off the cement, and pulled it down into the pit while we all watched in horror.  Loud crunching sounds arose, then silence  Several seconds later there was a disgusting fart noise, and the piece of pipe came flying back out with a clatter, bent into a U shape.
"Well, that answers that question,"  James commented blandly.  "Anyone in here got some grenades or something?"
"Yeah, I got some,"  one of the security ponies said, stepping forward.
"Can you chuck a few in there for McSnatchy to juggle?"
"Caaaaan do!"  He flung two grenades into the air, then turned and bucked them towards the hole with astonishing precision.  Sure enough, the tentacle snatched them down again, followed almost instantly by a muffled explosion.  Chunks of green slime flew up and splattered against the high ceiling.
"Well, that looked promising,"  James said.  He picked up another piece of debris and chucked it towards the hole.  It landed on the edge and stayed there.  "Even more promising."
"Let's take a closer look,"  I suggested.
"I'll do it for you,"  the grenade pony said.  He unfurled his wings and took to the air, peeking into the gap without nearing it.  "Pretty sure whatever was in there is dead now,"  he called down after a few moments.  "At the very least, it's quite unhealthy and in a good number of small pieces."
I hadn't realized he was a Pegasus until he flew, but I wasn't going to argue with such convenience.  "Thank you, good work,"  I said to him with a wave of my hoof.  "You ready for this, Mia?"
"Yeah, I sure am,"  Mia stated.  "Oh, and thanks for probably saving my ass, Eris.  I don't think it would have fared as well as that pipe."
"You're not getting out of your spanking that easily,"  I replied.  "Now be careful, I don't want to be trying to dig you out of that hole."
"Aye, boss lady."  Mia gunned her engine, swinging the ATV around so she could hit the wall at an angle.  "Here goes!"
She barreled towards the side of the tunnel, leaving the floor and describing a long arc along the wall over the dropoff.  Arriving on the other side, she slid to a stop and waved.  "Piece of cake, come on over!""  her voice said in our ARHUDS.
Several minutes of revving engines and whooping yells later, the last of our ATVS had safely bridged the gap.
James positioned us back at the front of the pack.  "Onward!"  I shouted, assuming my signature one-hoofed shotgun pose.
"To infinity and beyond?"  James asked innocently.
"Just drive, you goon,"  I said, giving his waist a squeeze.  "And try not to kill us, please."
"I'll try to resist the temptation, Boss."  He revved the engine and we took off again, tires squealing.
"We're almost there,"  I announced after a short distance, blasting a couple of flying scaly tacos with eyes out of the air.  I'd given up even trying to figure out what these monsters were anymore.  There were too many of them, and most of them seemed to have the same "see something, try to bite it" response.  Better to shoot first and wonder about it afterwards.  "Two mike till arrival,"  I reported.  Two squids, one mushroom, three dog-sized rats, and a couple more tacos later, we approached a T-junction and slowed to a stop.
"Should be right around here,"  I said.  The tunnel looked deserted, which in itself worried me.
"Why is it so quiet in here?"  James asked apprehensively.
"And that smell,"  I added.  "What is it?"
"Ozone,"  Mia replied, sniffing the air.  "A byproduct of electrical discharge.  Perhaps from the broken power conduit?"
"Speaking of which, where is the power conduit?"  I asked.  "The ARHUD map shows it as being right here."
"Hundred yard margin of error on the power condui-"  James began, then the reflection of a massive arc discharge from the intersecting tunnel interrupted him.
Our ARHUDs darkened from the brilliant light.  "Guess we found the spot,"  I said dryly.
"The power is off in the primary."  James pointed at a large conduit just below the floor grates.  "That must be the auxiliary taking damage now.  We have to hurry, or we're screwed!"
"That kind of an arc blast is deadly in proximity,"  Mia added. "The heat alone can liquify our flesh.  Try to stay back from it."
We crept forwards at a much lower speed now.  As we approached the intermittent flickering and occasional guttering flare from the adjoining tunnel, we finally got a glimpse of exactly what was causing all the trouble.
Near the mouth of the tunnel was a monstrous worm at least fifteen feet in diameter, armored and revolting.  The head looked like a mining drill.  Small discharges of electricity flowed over its body, leaping between segments.  The creature did not appear to notice us immediately, instead attacking the auxiliary conduit with the spinning bits of its drill head.  Sparks flew, and the monster paused to siphon a massive pulsating plasma discharge.
"It's feeding off the electricity,"  I gasped.  "It must have moved to the auxiliary after power was cut to the primary."
"If we don't do something soon, it's gonna sever this conduit too, then it'll be a monster mash in the Menagerie,"  Mia warned.  "Got any plans, Boss?"
Crap.  Now everyone is looking at me.  I looked at the worm.  It looked back at me.
"PHRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  it blasted, sounding like an air raid siren.  Even the ARHUDs couldn't deaden THAT sound.
I was out of ideas, and the awful noise had disoriented me.   "SHOOT IT!"  I shouted, firing my shotgun in what felt like a feeble effort to injure the huge creature.
Glowing bullets streaked forward from our raid party, many ricocheting off the metallic armor and flying away down the tunnel.
It shifted its massive bulk toward us with an ugly hiss, then it opened its mouth and belched a massive plasma ball in our direction.
"Ball lightning!"  I screamed.  "Take cover!  Take cover!"
James twisted in his seat and grabbed me with both his hands, picking me up and hurling me roughly off the vehicle and onto the ground, where I lay on my back, stunned.  When he then leapt on top of me, it knocked all the air out of my lungs.  I gasped and choked into his chest as he straddled me and covered me with his body.
I had the vaguest impression of Mia's ATV roaring past, and then the world shattered into deafening noise and light and pain.
> Chapter 10:  Just Another Day at the Office
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The explosions went on for several seconds, one close after the other.  Electrical arcs flashed and snapped.  The hot shockwaves of plasma discharge and explosive blasts swept over us again and again.
Then finally there was quiet.
I coughed weakly, having difficulty breathing with all the weight on my chest.  Confused, I pushed feebly, then realized the weight was James.
"James?"  I shoved at him again.  "James?  Are you okay?  Please answer me!"
He coughed and shifted.  "Eris?  I'm sorry I threw you on the ground."
"James!  Oh my gosh, I was afraid you were dead!"
"Not yet, but we both will be soon if that thing has another go at us,"  he replied, pushing himself up to his knees.  He was still straddling my thighs.  "Huh, it's kind of quiet in here."
It was indeed quiet.  I heard small sounds, low voices, coughing, scrapes, and some electrical sputtering.
James got off me carefully and helped me to my hooves.
"Where's Mia?"  I asked.
"I don't know,"  James looked around, coughing.  "She rode past us."
"Mia?"  I called.  I could hear the fear in my own voice, and I didn't care.  "Mia!  Where are you!"
"Right here, Eris,"  came a voice from nearby.  "I'm having a nap on the concrete.  You should come join me, love.  It feels wonderful."  She also coughed.  There was a lot of dust in the air.
I staggered over to her.  "Mia!  Are you hurt?"
She grimaced, pushing herself up to a sitting position with my and James's help.  "Mildly.  Just bruised, I think.  But you should see the other guy!"  She pointed.
I looked up and saw the drill worm laying motionless, its entire face and head blown open like a soggy rose.  Small bluish arcs played across the wound.  A slimy jumble of organs spilled out of a huge rupture in its side, reeking and sparking.
"My goodness.  What happened?"
"Well, I saw that energy ball coming, and it was kind of slow.  So while James here body slammed you, I aimed my ATV at it and gunned the engine.  I jumped off before impact, hit the deck, and waited to die, but apparently it didn't go off when the bike hit it.  In fact, the plasma sphere attached to the bike and kept going right back into Sparky's ugly face."
"Wow."
"Yeah, go figure, he was allergic to his own belches."  She chuckled, which turned into a coughing fit.
"Take it easy, Mia,"  I said, holding her in my hooves.
"Mmm.  Yeah, I could stay like this for awhile,"  she purred, leaning back against my chest.
James stood over us, watching the tunnels warily.  "Our ARHUDs are down."  He swung an arm experimentally.  "Exo too."
I hadn't noticed, but now that he mentioned it, my ARHUD was completely off.  
"Hey you guys, give me a head count!  Is everyone okay?"  James shouted.  After a few seconds observing the results, he gave me a thumbs up.  "We're all in one piece, Eris."
"Fantastic,"  I smiled.  As I sat there, a reboot sequence began in the corner of my vision.  "My ARHUD is coming back online."
"Mine, too.  Must have been some kind of EMP,"  James speculated.  "Not surprising, considering what kind of juice that thing had absorbed.  I'm gonna get a security perimeter set up, Eris.  You stay here with Mia, okay?"
"Okay.  Thanks, James.  And thanks for tackling me."
"Anytime.  No, really.  Let me know next time you want me on top of you, Boss."  He grinned at me, then moved off, waving and yelling.
"Well then.  You guys are so..."
"Forward?"  Mia finished.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Well you know, you kind of live life in the fast lane when you never know if you'll be something's dinner tomorrow evening."
I shuddered.  "You're right, you know.  If you hadn't saved us, a lot of us could have died here today, fighting this...  thing."
She put her hand on my cheek.  "That's why I come onto you so hard, Eris."
Aw crap, it was gonna happen again.  I knew she wanted it, and well, she'd probably just saved my life, so I figured I could at least give her this.
I leaned in and kissed her.  This time I teased her with my long tongue, and she met me with her short human one, putting her arm around the back of my head, inviting me in deeper and...
She retched, hard.  I quickly tried to back off, but she was having none of it.  She held me tight with one arm and rubbed my chest with the other, letting me know she didn't want me to pull away.  Jeez, my tongue was in her throat now, and she was obviously choking on it.  I kind of froze up.  I'd never experienced anything like this before.  I didn't have the heart to push her away, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to.  I finally gave up and let her swallow my tongue to her heart's content, awkwardly maintaining the mouth lock while she gagged herself silly.
So there I was, just sitting  on the concrete floor, surrounded by dust and smoke and bits of metallic monster, strangling my kinky little pink-haired subordinate with my pony tongue.  Just another boring day at Eris's office.  
Finally she let me loose and sank back, gasping for air.
I licked her nose.  "Feel better?"
"Oh, Eris.  You have no idea how good I feel right now.  I hope I didn't go too far this time.  I couldn't help myself."
"It's fine, Mia.  You're definitely a weirdo, but you don't frighten me."
She smiled up at me.  "Thank you."
"In fact,"  I told her,  "I kind of-"
My ARHUD finished reconnecting to the network.   "Eris, are you there?"
"Crap.  Sorry Mia, duty calls."
She grinned.  "Doesn't it always."
"I'm here, Director Stephens."
"We lost comms,  I thought-"
"We had a localized EMP blast.  It knocked all our ARHUDs and equipment offline for a brief period.  However, the area is now secure.  For the time being, at least."
"Any casualties?"
"Negative.  All personnel present and accounted for, only minor injuries sustained."
"Excellent work, Advisor Sky.  Auxiliary power has stabilized on our end.  Containment is secure.  Expect a repair team for the primary conduit to arrive within thirty minutes.  The electrical people are being careful and clearing the tunnel on their way from the power station, now that the situation is under control."
"Understood, sir.  And sir?"
"Yes?"
"You should thank Mia.  She probably saved all our asses.  I will explain later."
"Very good, Miss Sky."
An hour and a half later, the repair teams showed up with a security detail and relieved us.  We were down an ATV, but people who had been riding solo doubled up and I got another ATV.  Mia rode on my vehicle behind me, happy as a clam with her arms around my waist.  We took our time heading back, clearing every creature we saw and taking no chances, aside from the wall ride, as the grates would need to be repaired later.


***


After several meetings, a doctor visit, ("The hell did you three do, have a contest to see who could fall downstairs the fastest?") showers, and an excellent dinner of the enchiladas and burritos Cookie hadn't been able to make for lunch, it was time for bed.
James and I had been helping Mia get around, as we were moderately less banged up than she was.  We half carried her between us to her room, where she insisted we help her get into bed.  I personally thought it was an excuse to get undressed in front of us, but I checked out her room while she did it.
"Wow.  There is so much My Little Pony stuff in here,"  James observed, trying not to stare at Mia's semi-naked body.
"I've been a fan for years,"  she said, perched on the side of her bed in her underwear.  "People say I act a lot like Pinkie Pie.  That's kind of what gave me the idea to get pink hair."
"Maybe if Pinkie Pie was a total pervert,"  James deadpanned.
"Uh, I've heard stories..."  I began, then thought better of it.  Instead I merely walked around, looking at the pony and anime posters hanging on all the walls.  "Hey, Ghost in the Shell,"  I exclaimed, legitimately intrigued.  "I watched a lot of this on my tablet in Equestria .  I like Motoko Kusanagi."
"You remind me of her, a little,"  Mia said thoughtfully.
That gave me pause.  "Do I really?  Why?"
"Yeah.  You're cool, and, um, and smart, and strong, and brave.  Oh, and sexy."
"I don't know what to say."
She shrugged, and then dropped her panties and bra on the floor before sliding into bed.
"Now you,"  she said.
"What?"  I asked.
"Take your clothes off and get in bed with me.  It's a king size, you'll fit."
I looked to James for help.
"Don't look at me, this is your problem,"  he said.  Thanks a lot, James.
"Come on, Eris.  I just need you to keep me company,"  she wheedled.  "Ugh, ouch, I got so badly injured saving your life, I just don't think I can sleep without a soft, warm pony to snuggle with.  Oh, and that pony needs to be naked so I can feel her fluffiness."
What the hay was I supposed to say to that?  "Damn it,"  I said, slipping off my clothes and climbing in next to her.  She immediately grabbed me like a pillow, snuggling her face against me.  I looked apologetically at James, who shrugged.  "Third wheel."  He started to leave.
"James?"  Mia called.
He froze, caught in the act.  "Uh, yeah?"
"Where's my good night kiss?"
Resigned to his doom, James came over to the side of her bed.
Mia grabbed his shoulder and pulled his face down to hers.  Well then.  She was definitely giving him the works.  When she finally let him up for air, she pointed next to me on the bed.  "You too.  Get in."
"Wha?"
"Didn't you hear me?  It's a king size, you'll fit.  Drop your pants and get in there, or are you gonna leave poor Eris unsandwiched all night?"
James looked at me questioningly. I shrugged as best I could while being squashed by Mia.  "She did protect us at great risk to herself, right?"
"Looks like I have no choice,"  James said in mock defeat.  He stripped and slid in next to me.  Soon I was being double snuggled.  I had kind of expected a different outcome, but apparently both Mia and James were so exhausted they fell asleep almost instantly.
As I lay there under the covers comfortably sandwiched between their warm, sleeping bodies, I realized the evening monster concert didn't bother me nearly so much tonight.
All in all, it had been a weird night.  But I was okay, and this was definitely better than being dead in some cold concrete tunnel a hundred feet underground.
"Thanks, James.  Thanks, Mia,"  I whispered.  James didn't move, his arm hanging gently over my stomach.  Mia moaned softly in her sleep, and her breasts pressed against me when she gave me a squeeze.
I smiled groggily, and soon I was fast asleep as well.
> Chapter 11:  Changes
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I awoke to someone stroking my chest.  Long, sensuous strokes, beginning at my throat and going all the way down to my thighs.
"Mmm,"  I purred.
"Morning, sunshine."  Mia kissed me on the neck.
"What're you doing?"
"Waking you up."  Her hand slipped down between my legs.
"Ohhhh."  I trembled, spreading myself for her fingers.  "That feels so good.  Where's James?"
"In the shower getting cleaned up.  I woke him up, too."  She stuck her finger in her mouth and pulled it out suggestively.
"Jeez.  You really are nuts."  I licked her nose and she giggled.
"Nah, I'm not nuts, I just nibbled his a little.  I didn't make him pop yet.  I was waiting for you."
"What's all this?"  James asked, coming out of the bathroom in a towel, holding his pistol in one hand.  I could easily see his massive erection pushing the towel out.
"It's a lazy morning,"  Mia replied casually, continuing to slide her fingers in and out of my wet pussy.  "I'm glad Director Stephens called a down day.  Yesterday was too much excitement. I need a break."
"Don't we all."  James sat on the edge of the bed and slid his pistol next to ours.  Three guns now sat side by side on the table, and three shotguns in the other corner by the bed.
He fell back onto the bed next to me, and I took that moment to kiss him.  I realized this was our first kiss as he put his arm up behind my neck and pulled me in deep, sucking at my tongue.  I suppose it was a weird way to end up kissing,  with Mia fingering me at the same time.  I also realized I couldn't care less.  I don't know how it all ended up this way, but somehow it did and I wasn't fighting it.
Mia reached over and pulled James's towel off, revealing his throbbing cock.  She licked my pussy juice off her fingers, then leaned over me and put his dick in her mouth, sliding her head up and down, deepthroating his shaft several times.  James groaned as we broke our kiss, then Mia straddled him, reaching down to put his rod in her ready hole.  She thrust her hips into him, moaning with pleasure while I sucked on her small, pert breasts.  James guided my crotch over his face and started eating my pussy.  I shuddered, kissing Mia as she came suddenly on James.  I liked the feeling of her moaning into my mouth.
"That was quick,"  I said.
"It's been awhile.  I almost came just laying in bed next to you guys,"  Mia replied.  She lifted off him, releasing his pulsing member.  "Come here, Eris,"  she said, tugging my hips.  "Get on him."  I shifted, James wrapping his arms around me while I moved my wet pussy over his pole.  Mia guided his cock into my slit, and then I was sliding up and down on him, riding his hardness.  I felt someone tugging on my tail, pulling it up and to the side.
"Mia, what are you-" I began, then I felt her tongue in my asshole.  "Oh my gosh Mia.  Oh my gosh."  I felt like I shouldn't be enjoying it, but it also felt amazing.  "Mia, you're gonna make me into a pervert,"  I complained, spreading my ass for her while I fucked James.
I could see James was struggling to hold it, but there was no way he could withstand my grinding for much longer.  
"I'm gonna cum inside you, Eris!"  he gasped.
"Do it, shoot my wet mare pussy full of your human cum,"  I demanded, pushing my hips back and forth.  "I want your hot jizz squirting up inside me!"
He finally squeezed my waist roughly and moaned heavily, blowing his creamy load into my sopping pussy.  As he pumped and thrust, I squealed and came as well, throwing my head back in ecstasy while Mia kissed me on the neck.  She slipped her sticky fingers into my mouth.  I licked them and sucked on them, then she suddenly pushed me off James.  I lay limply on the bed with my legs spread wide, panting.  Mia quickly slid in between my thighs, sucking the cum out of my pussy.
"Mia, what the hay are you doing now?"
She crawled up me with her mouth full, a devious expression on her face.  Oh hell, here we go again.  	
She leaned down and kissed me hard, spitting his cum into my mouth while she teased me with her tongue.
Well, I did tell her I wasn't a prude.  Serves me right, I thought as I swallowed everything.


***


After eating a large breakfast of French toast and maple syrup, the three of us returned to Mia's room and lounged around in our underwear watching movies.  Well, except me, I just went nude.  Halfway through Guardians of the Galaxy, we all received a message on our holobracelets.

Director Stephens - Eris Sky, James Ruttege, Mia Carson.  Please report to my office at your earliest convenience.

Mia paused the show.  "Uh, what do you think he wants?"
James shrugged.  "I don't know.  We were supposed to be off today."
I sighed.  "Well, best way to find out is to head to his office."
"Shit,"  Mia worried.  "I hope we didn't do something to get in trouble.  This, ah, couldn't be about like, i don't know, fraternization or something?"
I didn't like the sound of that.  "You mean?"
"Yeah well, you ARE our boss,"  James said.  "I mean, did anyone read all the fine print on the contract?"
"Uh, not exactly,"  Mia said softly.  "But in the military, getting too close to an officer would get people in trouble.  Some companies are the same way about personal relationships."
"That's crap,"  I scoffed.  "They can't expect us to be out here in the middle of nowhere and not hang out with each other.  Right?"
"Yeah well, the officer always got the worse of it,"  Mia added.  "They hammer the crap out of an officer who messes around with enlisted."
"Not helping, Mia."  I closed my eyes and waggled my hoof at her.  "I'm sure it's nothing.  It's probably just about yesterday."
We threw our clothes on and headed down to the Director's office.  As we neared the door, I tried to breath easy, but I was a little worked up, thanks primarily to Mia.  She was freaking out more now than she had been facing certain death in the tunnels just a few hours ago.
"What if they separate us?"  she hissed.
"Mia, stop, goodness,"  I said.  "Just relax.  You'll be fine.  There's no way anything could have happened that fast.  Also why would anypony give a crap?  Look, here we are.  Just breath easy, watch we'll be done in no time."
"We'll be 'done!'  You hear what you said, Eris?  We'll be 'done!'  Through!  Finished!  That's what I'm afraid of!"  she moaned.
James just rolled his eyes and scanned the door open.
We entered the Director's office, closing the door behind us.
Director Stephens eyeballed the three of us.  "Miss Sky.  Miss Carson.  Mr. Ruttege.  Thank you all for coming by.  I wish to speak to all of you on a matter that has been brought to my attention regarding your behavior."  He steepled his fingers, and burned us all to ashes with his gaze, torturing us with one of his signature silences.
Mia looked at me nervously out of the corner of her eye.  I felt myself starting to sweat.  James patted my hoof under the table.
Director Stephens stared at us.  I avoided eye contact, checking out the pens on his desk, trying to imagine sitting on his side of the desk, looking at us.  We must look suspicious as hell.
Mia finally cracked.  "So, uh, Director?  Can I ask a question?"
"Yes, Mia?"
"Uh, there's not like any rules about like, um, who we hang out with, is there?"
I gave her a kick in the shin and she winced.  "Ouch!"
Director Stephens looked at her sudden jerking movement with worry.  "Miss Carson, are you feeling quite well?  Maybe you should visit the doctor again.  That blast was pretty severe.  Perhaps they overlooked a concussion or something."
"Never mind, I feel fine sir,"  Mia said, giving him a sheepish smile.	
"Well, if you're sure you feel quite all right, I'll get down to business.  I know you are an intelligent woman, Miss Sky, and are old enough to make your own decisions.  However, I run what is quite possibly the world's most dangerous facility, and when I see something that affects the discipline and safety of this facility, I must address it."
Oh crap.  Here it comes, I thought.
Stephens leaned forward in his chair.  "Miss Sky, yesterday you, Miss Carson, and Mr. Ruttege put yourselves in the forefront of immense danger, and quite possibly saved the lives of your emergency raid party, as well as the integrity of this facility.  I have heard many reports praising your intelligence and commitment, and it was only your second day here."
I didn't know where this was going, so I kept quiet.
"Doubtless it was a large group effort.  However, what I have seen and heard leads me to believe that it was you three working together as a team that made the best outcome possible,"  Stephens continued.  "I am intrigued by this.  You have barely met, and already function so well as a unit that you somehow beat the odds with massive success .  This bears further investigation.  To put it simply, I want the three of you to work together as closely as possible from now on, if you are so willing.  I want to pull both Mia and James from general security, and put them in your team directly under your command, Miss Sky, provided both they and yourself are willing."
I was dumbfounded.  "Uh, yes, that sounds good to me,"  I said stupidly.  "Great idea."
Mia smiled demurely.  "Yes, sir.  I would be delighted to serve with Miss Sky."
"I as well,"  James agreed.
"Excellent."  Stephens smiled and sat back in his chair.  "You will need a larger office, now that you have a team to assist you.  You may also want to relocate your rooms so that you can easily locate each other in an emergency."
"Thank you, sir,"  I said.
Stephens stood up, and shook  all our hands, er, limbs, in turn.  "Well then, here's the map to your new office space.  I believe there are some other unused rooms nearby as well, if you want, commandeer them as your living quarters.  Have fun, and thank you all again.  I believe this course of action will yield positive results."
We turned and left.
"YES!"  Mia hissed the moment the door was closed.


***


"Well, I didn't expect this,"  I said several hours later, swiveling in a circle on my desk chair.  
"Huh?" James had his feet up on his own desk and was reading through some of the paper files we'd moved out of my old office.  "Oh.  Yeah, me either, but I sure ain't complaining."  He winked at me.
"A bigger office, all of a sudden.  And now we're an official team,"  I continued, still twirling in a circle.  "We need a TV and a refrigerator in here though."
"It's great,"  Mia grinned, setting anime figurines on her desk.  "I've never had an office before."  She looked at me and frowned.  "You're gonna make yourself nauseous doing that, Eris."
I dropped my hooves and stopped the chair.  The room kept moving.  "Yeah, you're right.  I don't now why I was doing that.  I feel a little sick already."
"Silly pony,"  Mia laughed.  "I mean, Boss lady ma'am."
"Don't make me come over there,"  I threatened her, shaking a hoof in her direction as I flicked on my holo terminal.
"Mmm.  Discipline, is it?  Come teach me."  She leaned over her desk, putting her ass in the air.  "I'm so naughty and I need punishment!"
I rolled my eyes.  "Mia, do you ever not think about sex?"
"Only when I'm eating, or maybe when I'm asleep,"  she replied.  "I'm not sure though.  Sometimes I have sex dreams.  When I wake up, I'm so horny that-"
James threw down his reading material on his desk.  "How is a guy supposed to get any work done with you two minxes going on the whole time?  My hardon is making it 'hard' to read.  I'm about to unzip my pants and teach both of you another 'hard' lesson."
"You'll have to catch me first," Mia said, springing out of her chair again.  She immediately draped herself over her desk, sticking her butt right back in the air. "Oh my goodness.  I seem to have tripped over this desk.  I'm so vulnerable and exposed, a man could walk right up and do practically anything to me and I couldn't stop him!"
James and I both rolled our eyes at each other.
"So about our new rooms,"  I suggested.  "Pretty good, huh?"
"Oh, yes!"  Mia gloated, flopping back into her seat.  "Thanks for helping me move my bed.  You're like a little portable forklift."
We had managed to grab a set of unused rooms on a nearby side tunnel that connected to a private common area, all behind a main hololocked entry door.  It was like a dorm room.  All we had to do was leave our bedroom doors open, and it became one big apartment.  We had spent the afternoon moving belongings into our bedrooms.  it was easy for me, all I had was my travel bag.  Mia's room took much longer, with all her posters and stuff, and we moved her king sized bed as well, which I made easy through telekinesis.
"Uh, no problem."  I was unsure about being a forklift, and somehow I felt that pursuing the topic would end up with Mia in my lap.  Not that I minded Mia in my lap, but we did need to get some research done, or at least I did.
"Okay, guys,"  I said.  "We do need to get some things done.  So let's just focus for a bit and-"
"Boss,"  Mia interjected.
"Yes?"
"It's our day off, you slave driver.  Did you forget?"
Oops.  I did forget.  "Uh, no.  I was just messing with you.  Let's pack it up and go finish Guardians of the Galaxy."
Mia clapped her hands.  "Mmm yes!  Such a classic!  You haven't seen the best parts yet, Eris!"
"Yeah, fuck this, tomorrow is soon enough,"  James agreed, heading for the exit.
We closed the office door and headed down the hall to our new living quarters.
Work, tomorrow.  Guardians of the Galaxy called our names.
> Chapter 12:  Glitter and Polish
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Chief Lewis gets back today,"  Mia said, painting her nails at her desk.
I was comparing data across three different holographic readout projections of a containment system sent to me for review. 
"Huh?"  was my brilliant reply.
"Security Chief Lewis is back on site today."
"Oh.  What's he like?"  I made a shoving motion with my hoof through the holopanel.  The data I was working with vanished and reappeared at Mia's terminal.  "Can you check over my work, please?"  
"Of course."  Mia tapped at the holopanels with her little finger, holding the nail polish with her others.  "He's alright," she continued, looking through the glowing blueprints.  "A bit of a hard nose, but his heart is in the right place."
"A hard nose?"  I asked.
"Yeah, you know, Marine discipline,"  James explained, leaning back in his chair.  "He's quite gung-ho.  It generally works in our favor though, he expects strict standards and punctuality, but he has no qualms about blowing up every damn tree and monster on this island if it'll save one of his guys.  I've heard rumors that he only took vacation as a cover for testing on a new weapon."
"Hmm,"  I said as I watched Mia still dabbling at her nails.  "I guess I'll see when I meet him.  I like that color, by the way."
Mia smiled at me languidly and flexed her fingers.  "Thank you, Eris honey.  I can't wait to touch you with them."
My insides fluttered a little, leaving me feeling warm and a little flushed.  "I'm trying to work, Mia!  It's hard when you're making me horny."
"It's 'hard' for me too,"  James added helpfully.
"And I think we should secure the air ducts with a HEPA filtration system,"  Mia added, pointing at the holopanels.  "This is being designed to contain a fungoid entity.  It probably releases spores.  I'd hate to have more of these little monsters growing in the employee fridge or something."
"Good point,"  I said, frowning at my own oversight.  "I should have thought of that."
"That's why we're a team.  Nopony is perfect, even if you may look perfect on the outside, darling."
"You're right.  And thank you, you flatterer."
"It's not flattery if I really believe it, is it?"
"I...  I don't know,"  I admitted.  "But it makes me feel good."
"I like to make you feel good."  Mia capped the nail polish and leaned back in her chair.  "James?  You wanna take a look next?"
"Sure.  Toss it to me."
Mia swung her palm towards James, and the data popped to his terminal.  She continued to lounge in her chair, staring back at me, her expression thoughtful.  Finally she spoke.  "So, Eris, can you tell me a little bit more about yourself?"
I felt my cheeks get warm.  "Mia, I feel like you know more about me than anyone has in a long time."
"I like that part, of course, but I want to know more about your life, you know."
"There's really not much to tell.  I was a nerd in school, I got picked on occasionally but I didn't let it get to me.  I loved science and technology, and did really well in those areas.  My aptitude was high enough that I was able to join the Canterlot Advanced Sciences Division after graduation, and they trained me to be an agent.  Then I volunteered to work for ProteC."
"And here you are."
"Here I am."
"What do you think of Earth?"  James asked.
I frowned.  "Well, to be honest, I haven't seen a lot of it.  I spent a few days at ProteC Ecuador learning to use the gear and shoot.  Then I came here.  Mostly I've seen the inside of buildings and a bunch of tunnels.  But just meeting you guys alone has been worth it."
"Aww, you're a sweetheart, you know that?"  James replied.  "But sometime in the future, we need to take you on a trip."
I paused my typing, the invisible finger-shaped telekinetic fields emanating from my hooves receding.  "I like that idea.  But only if you guys go with me."
"Wouldn't have it any other way,"  James grinned at me.  "But since you only just got here, it's gonna be awhile yet before we can get you approved for much vacation time, so just keep that in the back of your mind."
I nodded.  "Of course, I understand."
James paused, looking at the holoterminal.  "This looks good to me,"   he finally said, tossing the data back to my desk.  "Still haven't really had to put your magical studies to the test though, huh?"
"True enough."  I agreed.  "But when the time comes, it will be important for me to be on top of my game.  Even some of the creatures already contained in Level Two are a huge potential hazard.  If anything happens and they get out, well, magical spells can help mitigate the danger in a worst-case scenario."  I licked my muzzle.  "I hope."
"I'm curious.  What kind of magic skills do you have?"  Mia asked me.
"A few offensive, a few defensive, mostly neutral spells designed to enhance and practice my innate aptitude and strengthen the offense/defense abilities.  Watch."  I held out my hooves and concentrated, my horn glowing.  A small blob of shimmering magical energy appeared atop them, shifting and growing.
"What is that?"  James asked.
"Keep watching,"  I said, my voice tight with concentration.
A shining rainbow colored pyramid appeared, then broke apart, wheeling into more pyramids,  which broke apart again, slowly filling the room as the process repeated.
"Oh my,"  Mia gasped, reaching out to touch them.  They softly spun at her fingertips, dancing in the air like dandelion seeds.  "It's beautiful, Eris."
I smiled, which turned into a grimace as the pattern continued to grow more complex.  Finally I groaned and the entire display collapsed, turning into shimmers of multicolored light that fell slowly and vanished.
I slumped back in my chair, a hoof to my forehead.  "Uff."
"Are you okay, babe?"  James quickly came to my chair, followed by Mia.  The genuine concern on their faces made me smile.  It's a good feeling to have someone care about you.  "I'm okay, guys.  That was a fractal practice pattern.  It starts out easy, and becomes exponentially more difficult with each division of the pyramid.  I just strained my ability a bit.  I'll be fine.  It's like doing pushups until you fall down."
"It was so pretty, though."  Mia gave me a kiss on top of my head.
"I'll show you more later,"  I promised.  "It helps me keep in practice."
"Does this make it so you can't pick things up?"  James asked.
"What?"  I reached for the water bottle on my desk, popping the top and taking a drink.
"I guess that's my answer.  I was wondering if your being magically worn out made it so you couldn't do things like, with your hooves."
"Oh, not at all, in fact I'm pretty magically exhausted right now, and will be for several more minutes, at least."  I tossed the water bottle up and caught it with my hoof as it fell.  "Close range telekinetic abilities don't draw from the same pool of energy as spells.  As long as I am able to move, I'll be able to pick stuff up with my forehooves."
He nodded, satisfied.  "Good, then.  That makes sense.  Can I feel your hooves?  Ah, the telekinesis?"
"Of course you can.  Like you even need to ask."  I held both my front legs out to him.  He held his hands up, palms facing towards me, and gripped both my hooves in his hands.  I let my telekinetic tendrils weave through his fingers.
"Feels like a hand, well, sort of,"  he said, pushing and pulling against my grip.
"It works the same through clothing, as long as it's tight,"  I continued.  "Generally, it works best around the forehooves.  It's much like your hands.  I can't just put my ass against a keyboard and expect to type.  It's gotta be my forehooves."
"What if you put your ass against my face?"  James grinned.  "The keyboard isn't able to properly appreciate such a thing."
"Then I'd never get anything done in here, mister.  And don't think I can't see your erection."
James made no move to let go of my hooves.  "Guilty as charged, Eris.  Are you gonna keep me after school?"
Mia leaned over his back and reached down around his chest, trying to slide her hand down his pants.  "Did you say erection?  Where?  Let me see!"
The door buzzer rang.  By the time the door opened, both my frisky subordinates were untangled and leaning over my desk, staring intently at my holoterminal, which was displaying an Internet video of cute kittens falling out of a basket to the tune of a half million upvotes.
"...and that's why we should put a secondary power line here and here,"  I said, pointing at the video.  Good thing privacy mode scrambled the output from the back of the screen.  I quickly swept my hoof, turning off the monitor, and stood up.  Stood down?  I'm not sure, I am shorter standing on all fours than I am sitting in front of the desk.  Anyway, I dropped onto my hooves and approached the visitor, who, based upon his haircut and stern face, I was fairly certain was-
"Security Chief Lewis, how are you doing this fine morning?" Mia greeted, her deeply professional voice sounding very different from the one she had been teasing James with while she tried to jack his penis only a few seconds ago.
"Ah, I knew I'd find you deserters here!"  Chief Lewis said, folding his arms.  The man had no color to his voice whatsoever, and spoke with perfect dryness.  I had no clue if he was joking or serious, and as a result I stood there with a brittle smile on my face until he finally gave me a toothy, predatory grin of his own.  "And you must be the new Advisor."  He took a knee down to my level, and held out his hand to me.
I shook it with my hoof.  "Yes, sir,"  I replied.
"Don't call me 'sir', I work for a living.  Please just call me 'Chief', Advisor Sky."
"Okay Chief, and don't call me Advisor Sky, I, uh, sit in a basement for a living, like a mushroom.  Call me Eris."
He stared at me for a long moment, then laughed loudly.  "Ha!  I like you already, Eris."  He looked up at Mia and James.  "So, are these two dirtbags causing you trouble yet?"
"Absolutely no end of it,"  James replied cheerfully.
"We've turned her life into a living hell,"  Mia added.  "You should hear her scream when no one else is around."
I blushed deeply and hoped Lewis couldn't see it.
He chuckled again.  "If any of that is remotely true, you just give the word Eris, and I will put them both over my knee and beat the insubordination right outta them."	
"I don't believe that will be necessary, si- ah, Chief.  They've both been the perfect, shining model of professionalism so far," I lied.
His eyes narrowed.  "These two?"
"Yeah.  I mean, wasn't James your second in command?"
"Well, yes,"  Chief Lewis mused.  "He's a good guy.  But he's, well, a little weird."
"I'm standing right here,"  James reminded.
"And Mia is even weirder,"  Chief continued, ignoring him.
"Hey!"  Mia squawked indignantly.  "Did you come here to meet Eris or try to embarrass us?"
"A little of both, actually.  But don't get all worked up.  If I didn't like you guys, I wouldn't be here making fun of you, I'd be sending you back to ProteC for processing and summary removal from the company payroll."
We all gulped a little.
Chief Lewis grinned again.  "Actually, I can't do that anymore.  You guys being to Advisor Sky, er, Eris, now, and she answers straight to the Director, not to me.  Anyway, I must be going.  I have two security vacancies to fill, and you'd be surprised how many applicants there are for this hellhole."
He gave my hoof a final shake, and stood to leave.  "You guys need anything blown up, you know where to find me."
He shook James's hand, then reached for Mia's, who hesitated momentarily, then shook.  I remembered she'd had that hand down James's pants only a short while before, and snorted.  I held my hoof to my muzzle, trying to play it off as a cough.
After the door closed behind the Chief, I began giggling uncontrollably.  "Mia, you shook using the hand you'd been tugging on James's dick with."
"Hey, I was kind of cornered.  Just hope he washes his hands before he eats,"  Mia paused and frowned.  "Hell, he'll probably have his hand sterilized after touching me, anyway."
"Why?"  I asked.
"Before the Gate experiments, some of the guys found out I liked My Little Pony,"  Mia explained.  "They found out I really, really liked ponies.  They found out I liked, uh, clop.  They assumed it meant I wanted to fuck actual horses, and  I got the name Barnyard for awhile.  Chief Lewis got wind of it, and threatened to personally wring the neck of the next person who called me that."
"Wow,"  I gasped.  "That's awful."
"It was pretty embarrassing,"  Mia admitted.  "But I'm a big girl, and I knew this job wouldn't be easy when I took it.  I just didn't realize how lucky I'd get,"  she finished, stroking my muzzle gently.  She gave me a kiss on the nose.  "Just making sure it hasn't grown, boss lady.  After that bit about 'perfect shining models of professionalism', I was afraid you might go all Pinnochio on us."
"Go all what?"  I asked, confused.
"We'll show you the movie later,"  James said.  "It'll ruin the joke if we explain it to you right now.  Besides, you like Disney cartoons, don't you?"
"Yes, yes I do."
"Then we've got something to do later tonight."
"But I already had something I wanted to do later tonight,"  I huffed.  "With both of you."
"We can do both, then,"  Mia said, tickling my ear.
"But first we have to get through today, and I do believe it's lunch time,"  I declared, my ear twitching around to avoid her devious fingers.  "Let's go see what's hot.  Oh, and program that hololock on the office door so it only opens for us, okay?  Let's make other people knock before we let them in.  For security, you know."
"Sure thing, Boss,"  James winked at me.  "For security."
> Chapter 13:  Triad
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cookie and his henchmen stood behind the counter, frying hamburgers on the grill.  "Hey, Miss Eris!"  he called out upon seeing me.  "What'll it be?"
I peered through the glass counter shield.  "Uh, what have you got?"
"How about the veggie burger?  They've been popular with the ponykind today, and I'm even cooking them over here on this side of the grill, see?  No cross-contamination."
"Sounds good, can you throw some cheese on it?"
Cookie flipped his spatula.  "For you my dear, anything!  I see you brought the crew,"  he waved at James and Mia.
"You noticed,"  Mia said.
"How could I not?  You three are always together now."
"We're officially a team,"  I explained.
"I see,"  Cookie grinned.  "Well, what are y'all calling yourselves?"
James, Mia, and I just looked at each other.  "Uh, we haven't come up with a division name yet,"  I said, finally.
"I see,"  Cookie said again.  "I'm sure you'll think of something.  Do you want your buns warmed?"
Mia jabbed me in the side.  I ignored her.  "I'd love that, thanks."
Mia leaned over.  "Toasty buns,"  she hissed at me under her breath.
"Shut up and order your burger,"  I hissed back out of the corner of my mouth.
Once we all had our burgers and fries, the three of us headed to the most secluded booth we could find, as usual.
Mia slid in next to me, and James sat across from us.
"So, what are we gonna call ourselves?"  Mia asked as we dug into our burgers.
"I have no clue,"  I replied, mumbling with my mouth full.  A large, wet chunk of half-gnawed veggie burger fell out onto the table.  Nice manners, Miss Charming.
Before I could remove my piece of barbarism with a napkin, Mia deftly snatched it up and stuffed it into her own mouth.  I don't know why anything still surprises me with her.
"Cookie is right, like, we're an actual team now.  We should have a team name," she said casually, after swallowing my pre-chewed food.
"Like 'The Three Musketeers?"  James suggested, finally looking up from his own burger.  Of course he hadn't seen a thing.
"Or Triple Asskick?"  I threw out, then winced.  "Eew.  On second though, that sounds rather stupid."
"How about The Torture Trinity?"  James chuckled.
"Sounds like some creepy sex dungeon,"  Mia scoffed.
James rolled his eyes at her.  "Oh puh-lease, you're one to talk."
"At least I know you shouldn't put stuff like that in a team name!"
"How about Three Way?"  I said without thinking, then my cheeks blushed heavily as I realized what had just come out of my mouth.
Mia smiled at me and patted my hoof.  "Dear, we will do that later, I'm sure.  But I don't think it works as an acceptable team name.  How about The Triad?"
I took a break from feeling like a clown for a moment, mulling over her suggestion.  "Oh.  I like that.  But let's make sure it stands for something legitimate, too.  How about magic, science, and security?  The three corners of the Triad?"
"Oh, clever girl," Mia purred.  "What do you think, James?"
He gave a thumbs-up.  "Bonus points for being the same as the famous Asian criminal organization."
"Well we won't tell them we stole their name,"  I suggested.  "And maybe they won't ninja us."
"Ninja us?"  Mia giggled.  "Don't ninja nothin' that don't need ninjaing."
"What?"
"Never mind, honey.  It's just another Internet video you need to see."
"Hmm.  Well I guess we can go do that."


***


The video was pretty funny, some guy claiming to be a "ninja" while displaying absurd antics.  Ah, the Internet.  The thing I never knew I wanted that now I couldn't live without.  Humans are so funny, I could let whole days just slip by watching their jokes and songs.  But, being the boss, I assumed had to keep us busy, even though I wasn't entirely certain what to do.
"So, guys,"  I finally asked, stretching in my chair, "what do you usually do down here during the day?"
James sat on my desk, and I looked up at him from my chair.  "Well, usually we sit around.  There's a lot of security personnel and not too many security posts, so we have a lot of time off," he replied.
"So what's the deal?  Why the imbalance?"  I asked.  "I don't know a huge amount about personnel management, but that seems off."
"Because,"  James explained, "When the shit goes down, it REALLY goes down.  If one of those things downstairs gets loose, it's all hands on deck.  Like the ride into the tunnels to nail the drill worm."
I nodded.  "Okay.  Makes sense."
"That's why you can chill a little, Eris,"  Mia added.  "You won't have much 'work' to do.  But make no mistake, when they need us, it will be serious.  Until then, try to relax."
'I understand,"  I said, putting my rear hooves up on my desk and crossing my legs.  "I want to poke around a bit, especially Level One and Two."
"That's what we're here for,"  Mia grinned.  "Ensure your safety no matter what you poke your muzzle into."  She rubbed my thigh.
"Um.  Okay then.  We are kind of free agents."  I grinned.  "That means we can do pretty much whatever we want, with the goal in mind of improving safety and security, and assisting with the mitigation efforts against intruders, as Director Stephens said in his email."
"I read it,"  James said.  "He sent it to all three of us."
"Good.  Well, it's nice to have leeway."  I smiled evilly and made a whip cracking motion with my hoof.  "I'm gonna ride you guys ragged."
"Too late,"  James replied cheerfully.
"James!  That's not what I meant!"  I whined.  "Oh, never mind.  I'm going to look over some more files.  You guys stop distracting me, okay?"
It was quiet for about five minutes after they both returned to their desks.  Then Mia sighed heavily.  "Boss?  How about some tunes?"
I scowled at her for a moment.  "What?  Oh, okay.  Just not too loud, I'm going to keep on reading."
Mia turned on her music, and for a while I tried to work while songs played in the background.  Eventually I found myself humming along.  "Mia?  I like this a lot,"  I finally said, kicking back in my chair and waving my hooves to the beat.
"Linkin Park is one of my favorite bands,"  Mia grinned at me.  "Glad you approve.  Oh, and did you hear?  DJ Pon-3 is releasing some of her music Earthside?"
"What?  Really?  How?"
"I have no idea.  Some deal worked through the Internet.  If you ask me, the sheer novelty alone..."  Mia flew her hand around making jet noises.  "Neeerrroooom! Right to the top, baby!"
"I wouldn't doubt it.  But you know, same goes for anything.  It's going to be an interesting time ahead of us as our worlds continue to trade things,"  I mused.
"Gotta say,"  James chimed in.  "Terrifying monsters and demon gods aside, this is the best first contact ever."
I rolled my eyes.  "Oh of course you would think so.  But I do agree."
James frowned at me.  "Humph.  Well for your information, Miss Boss Lady, I meant the exchange of cultural information and arts, not whatever you are hinting at."
"Rrrright."  I stared at my holomonitor.  "Uh, what is Artfact Zero One?"
"Artifact?"  Mia piped up.  "What, something we have here?"
"Yeah,"  I replied.  "This document mentions an artifact.  Everything else are Specimens, but we are also apparently holding an "Artifact Zero One".  And it's in Level Two containment."
"That's strange.  I thought we only had the biologicals."
"Well, now I know the first thing I want to look into,"  I muttered.  "Wanna go take a peek?"
Mia and James both hopped up from their chairs and grabbed their shotguns.
"I'll take that as a yes,"  I chuckled, sliding from my own chair.  I grabbed my own firearm and latched it along my back.  "Let's go find out what this thing is."


***


"It was retrieved from the ground zero crater a few miles from here after the ProteC combat force detonated the nuclear warhead to repel Shub-Niggurath," Dr. Sandra Nichols told us as she guided us towards a large secured side door on Level Two.  "None of us are sure exactly what it is, or what it is for."  She paused outside the door and swept her wristband through the holographic lock.  The door clicked, and she casually pushed it open, allowing us inside.
James slid in first, taking a quick look with his shotgun ready.  I noticed Mia keeping an eye behind us as he did so, her own weapon cradled at a relaxed angle.  I knew how quickly that could change if she perceived a threat.  I left my shotgun stowed so I could walk on all fours, but I could draw it in a heartbeat if need be.  Visiting Level Two made us all much more cautious, the proximity and unsettling noises of the deadly creatures housed nearby serving as a constant reminder of how dangerous it would instantly become if one were to gain freedom, or worse, had already gained freedom unnoticed.
The scientist guiding us seemed blissfully uncaring, used to the environment and the hellish entities it contained.  
"You seem quite comfortable in this place," I said to her.
She glanced down at me.  "My job is to ask questions and conduct research in an emotionally detached manner.  It is Security's job to make sure my subjects don't kill me while I do so."
"I see,"  I replied neutrally.
Dr. Nichols looked at me quizzically for a moment, then her eyes widened.  "Oh no, that didn't come out right.  I made it sound like you guys are just a tool.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way.  I'm glad for the protection, for you guys..."  she trailed off awkwardly.  "I'm afraid I'm somewhat lacking in people skills."
"I know that feeling,"  I said.
"Don't worry about it,"  Mia replied.  "We're all on the same team here, and it's not a place for the easily offended.  Trust me, I've heard worse."
Our guide nodded happily, relieved to be off the hook.  "It's just right here,"  she said, changing the subject and leading us down a short hallway past several locked doors until we reached the door at the end.
"Security Control?" she said to her ARHUD, waving at a wall-mounted camera placed above a red light.  "Can you please deactivate the vault alarm?"
After a few seconds, the light turned green with a short buzz, and she quickly scanned into the hololock and pushed the door open.  "Well, this is it, Artifact Zero One."  She nonchalantly ushered us into the large, well-lit room beyond.
Entering, I saw concrete walls with surface mounted cameras and sensors, mostly aiming at the featureless black three-foot cube sitting on a clear pedestal, contained in a transparent cage at the center of the room.
"That's it?" I asked.
"Yep.  Not really much to look at, but we aren't sure what it is, or what it does.  Or should I say we have no confirmation that it does anything at all, besides take up space?"
"So, this came from the crater?"  I asked, walking slowly around the container.  The object within was black, so black that it appeared to be a hole in space itself.
"That's why we contained it.  It's the only object of its type we have found.  And the surface absorbs light almost perfectly while also being impervious to every tool we have attempted on it to date."
"How about magic?"
She shook her head.  "None of the few unicorns we have has been able to do anything with it."
"Huh," I replied.  "Can I try?"
"Sure, why not."
I closed my eyes and began to magically probe the box, snapping them open again as the containment breach klaxon sounded.
This time our guide looked truly frightened.  "Oh shit," she gasped, one hand going to her mouth as her eyes bulged.  "Something's loose down here!"
"Uh oh."  My mind was instantly full of the many vicious residents of Level Two I'd seen and read about.  I quickly unlatched my shotgun and brought it to my forehooves, rearing upright and going bipedal to hold it.  Although some unicorns are bad asses, I don't shoot very well using just telekinesis, and physically holding the weapon leaves the horn free for magic casting.
"Uh, I can just wait here,"  Dr. Nichols suggested hopefully.
"You'd better stay with us," James grunted.  "Rule number one is nobody wanders around down here alone.  We will protect you."
"Th-thanks.  Um, we could all stay here?"
"They might need our help out there, and we don't want to be trapped in here if things go south."
"Besides, think of the opportunity to observe uncontrolled interaction with a specimen,"  I added.  "You don't get an opportunity like that every day."
"R-right, I guess that's true."  Nichols didn't sound overly happy about it, but she stayed close as I moved towards the door with James and Mia beside me.  "Curiosity killed the cat," she muttered softly.
"Good thing you don't look like a pussy to me," Mia replied.
"Uh, thanks I guess?"
As we prepared to exit, a warning message flashed across our ARHUDS.
///DANGER!  UNCONTAINED PSIONIC HAZARD.  USE EXTREME CAUTION.///
We looked at each other.
"Shit."
"Fuck."
"Oh crap."
> Chapter 14:  Crickets in the Dark
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

James blocked the door with his body as he checked the hallway, then he gave a nod and we quietly followed him, Mia pulling the door shut behind us, which re-armed with a curt buzz.  Sandra had drawn her pistol, and although it was easy to see her fear, she was holding it in a way that inspired me with a degree of confidence in her ability.  ProteC made certain that everyone out here could handle themselves in an emergency, and I was thankful I probably wouldn't have to worry about getting shot in the back by accident .  
As we proceeded carefully down the hall, I could hear the faint sounds of commotion from beyond the far door.
"Okay,"  I said softly as we neared the door.  "First order of business is to get Nichols to safety, then we'll go from there."
"Got it," Mia affirmed.  James just nodded, fetching up against the door.  The chaotic sounds of shouting seemed to be intermingled with heavy smashing and scraping.
I could feel the adrenaline making me tremble, and Sandra's breath was short and fast beside me.
"You know what we're up against?"  I asked her.
"I don't.  I haven't worked with any of the ones with this kind of ability.  I just know they are usually brought in under sedation."
A particularly loud crash came from outside.  "I don't hear any gunfire,"  I commented.
"It's the Menagerie, not the slaughterhouse.  These specimens are needed alive, if possible,"  Sandra explained, her voice nervous.  "Capturing replacements is dangerous.  Unless someone is in immediate danger, they'll try to contain them again."
"Allright,"  I bobbed my head curtly.  "James, let's proceed.  Carefully."
"Affirmative."  He carefully unlatched the door and leaned out.  "Looks oka- Shit!"  He jerked back as a metal pushcart full of equipment slammed into the wall next to the doorway, sending tools and electronic devices clattering across the floor.  Yelling and the sound of running feet came immediately after, as well as a peculiar chirruping noise followed by a pulsing sound.
REDEEP!  WHABOOM!  REDEEP!  WHAAAAABOOM!  The sound of objects clattering and smashing came after each repetition.
"Any other projectiles?"  I asked.  "And what the hay is that noise?"
"Hell if I know.  Watch out for flying shit,"  James hissed, carefully stepping out of the door.  As he cleared the doorway, I could see out into the huge room a bit.
REDEEP!  WHAAAAAAAAABOOOOM!
A wave of some kind of energy shot across the section of the room I could see through the doorway, followed by a crash and loud cursing.
I carefully slipped out and looked around, my view into the wide area blocked by a number of cages, warning signs, and safety fences.  I could see several of the safety fences had been knocked down, while others were partially flung over the cages they were supposed to be warning about, leaving only colored lines taped on the floor itself to mark hazardous area boundaries.  I could see a lot of personnel on the overhead catwalks, aiming weapons down at the room below.
I couldn't see what they were aiming at, but I could hear soft chittering noises.
"Try and sneak up on it,"  someone called.
"Shut up, they can hear-It's turning around!"
REEEDEEEEP!  WHAAAAAAAABOOM!
Angry curses filled the air.  A net on a long handle flew past at high velocity, bouncing along the floor until it vanished somewhere off to the right.
"Let's head for the exit fast,"  I said.  "Then we'll come back to this madness."
We slid along the wall under the catwalk in single file, heading towards the door.
James twitching his head about alertly, my ears doing the same as I listened and looked for movement.  Pattering sounds from the grid of cages came to my ears, but I didn't see anything more than an occasional flash of something large, black, and chitinous scurrying past too quickly to be recognized.  The frequency of blasts had become very low, apparently the ProteC personnel sneaking around the edge of the pens had figured out that if they were sneaky enough, they wouldn't get fired upon.
"Ugly little bastards,"  one of the men nearby hissed, trying to peek around a corner.  "Someone get me a rolled-up newspaper and I'll take care of this shit right now."
"Shut the fuck up, they'll hear you,"  his partner hissed.
They both quickly dropped into silence as the chittering sound rose again from the nearby rows of monster-filled cages.  The unpleasant sound of many feet pattering along followed soon after.
"They're just walking around,"  someone said in a stage-whisper from the catwalk above.  "They don't seem to care that we're up here."
"Good for you, maybe you could tell us where they're at?"
"Uh, it's like, two rows away from you?  To the right.  No, the other right."
"Fucking hell man, which is it?"
The frustrated conversation faded as we continued past and neared the exit doorway.  James quickly scanned it open and shoved Nichols in, where two security personnel pulled her back away from the entry.
"Good luck," Sandra said, looking back at us while holstering her pistol.
"Thanks."  I backed away from the door.  "We'll take all the luck we can get."
"We got it from here, watch your asses."  The guards shut the door again, and the three of us placed our backs to it, creeping carefully towards the dim containment zone.  The cages and pens placed in rows made it difficult to see, not to mention many of them were cordoned off for some distance due to the hazards they contained.
"There!  See it?"  James pointed down the row before us.  The image-enhancing ARHUD function picked up the creature as it stood facing away from us.  It was pretty big, maybe the size of a wolf, but wider and flatter.  I could see wings twitching, and multiple legs shifting about underneath.  It rotated slightly to the side, and gave me a view of large black compound eyes glinting soullessly above a dangerous-looking mandible mouth.  Two antennae waved about from the top of the head.
EMPEROR CRICKET, the ARHUD tagged it after some latency.  I took a quick moment to pull up more data.
KNOWN ABILITIES:  Psionic blast, medium range jump w/ brief flight at apex, bite force 750 PSI.
"Try not to get bit,"  I suggested helpfully.  "They're pretty strong."
"I'll keep that in mind,"  James whispered back dryly.
The cricket ahead of us perked up, twitching towards one of the other rows.  It abruptly lifted its wings, and rubbed the transparent edges together.
REDEEP!  A crackle of energy formed, pulsing rapidly down the wings.  It coursed over the head, growing brighter and faster, then shooting down the outstretched antennae like the spark gap of a Jacob's Ladder.
WHAAAABOOOM!  The energy discharge reached the end of the antennae, then flashed forward in a wave, dust and small objects flying up from in front of it.  It impacted somewhere out of sight.  More cursing rose from the area of impact.
Three more security employees approached us, one carrying a net gun.  "Is it down there?" he asked in a stage whisper, standing right in the middle of the path.
"Shush!"  I hissed, backing away from him.  "It'll hear-"
REDEEEEEP!  WHAAABOOOM!
"AAAIIEEEEEE!"  The guy with the net gun went flying as the blast wave slammed into him squishily, as if he'd been hit by a giant trampoline.  The energy dissipated while he described a high arc through the air.  The gun slid low and fast along the ground, clattering to a stop against the wall behind us.  I quickly threw a cushioning spell below, catching him before he smacked the hard floor.  His two buddies ran to help him up, and I took the opportunity to telekinetically swipe the net gun.  I latched my shotgun on my back, and levered the nonlethal device in my forehooves.  "From what I'm seeing, we haven't had any serious injuries, even from direct impacts," I commented.  "I think we can give this 'bring-em-back-alive' thing a try."  I peeked back down the row; the monster cricket had apparently scampered off after sending us his little psionic gift.
James came up beside me.  "Be careful, boss lady.  We'll cover you.  If you're in trouble, we'll use the shotguns."
Mia came up on my other side, scanning alertly, but humming softly to me.  I have no idea what she was humming or why, but I liked it.  It made me feel the tiniest bit calmer.
"You've got a pretty voice,"  I whispered,
She didn't look at me or stop scanning the area, but I could see she her smiling out of the corner of my eye.
I quickly whispered a general text message to the other personnel's ARHUDS in the area, letting them know we were going to make an attempt to capture the fugitive insects.  I didn't feel like getting shot, even though we'd show as friendlies in their ARHUDS the moment they looked at us.
"Okay, let's do this." I said, stepping carefully along the row of containment units.  These were creatures that didn't require a stand-off distance from their cage,, and it was rather disconcerting to see the arrays of tentacles, eyes, and claws pressed up against the thick transparent armor of the cage walls.  Hisses, sighs, and other strange noises chuffed longingly from terrifying, half-hidden monsters as we passed.  I felt like the new girl in prison, being sized up and eye-raped, except these creatures definitely wanted to do more to my body than simple sexual assault.  I struggled to keep my eyes scanning, avoiding looking at the nightmare things only a few feet away from me.  They were too distracting, and I needed to stay focused on the insectile ones pattering about on this side of the glass with me.
"There." James pointed ahead.
I squinted, making out a brushy foot protruding from between two cages.
I aimed the boxy net gun at it.  "I can't get a shot like this.  I need it out so the net can wrap it."
"I'll get it out,"  Mia said.  "Now?"
I aimed carefully where i thought it would come out to.  "Okay.  Go."
"Here  buggy, buggy, buggy!"
The cricket scampered back out of the gap and faced away from us, evidently confused.
I lined up the perfect shot, and pulled the trigger.
Nothing happened.
"Oh crap,"  I pulled the trigger again and again.  "Is there a safety or something?"
James kept his shotgun on the cricket.  "Do you see a green light?"
"Yes.  I mean no.  It's yellow now."
The cricket finally heard us and turned to face us.
"Slap the net cartridge cylinder!"
I fumbled with the net gun, trying to get a hoof on the cartridge.
The cricket's wings popped up.  REDEEP!
James shot the cricket.
Mia shot the cricket.
WHABOOOM!  The cricket's energy blast hurtled towards us anyway.  I squeaked and threw up a magic barrier, catching the psionic wave at the last moment.  It rebounded off my shield and flew back, knocking over the injured cricket and sweeping it off across the floor towards the opposite wall.  Seconds later a message went out on the ARHUDS.
EMPEROR CRICKET CAPTURED, USED DUCT TAPE ON WINGS TO TEMPORARILY PREVENT PSIONIC DISCHARGE.  ONE CRICKET STILL AT LARGE.
"I'm hearing the second one is several rows away from us, and  It's not doing anything much," Mia told us after a moment, listening to a conversation in her ARHUD.
"James, can you help me with this stupid thing?"  I begged, holding out the net gun.  "Please."
He sighed.  "Did you slap the cartridge?"
"I think so.  I'm sorry.  I thought I knew how to use it."
"Give it here."
I handed him the device, and dropped back on all fours, watching him while he messed with it.  He checked the switches, then pulled the cartridge out.  "Oh," he finally said, then dropped the canister on the ground.  He pulled a new cartridge cylinder from a clamp on the side and slid it into place, nodding at the green light that came on.  "It wasn't your fault.  The impact broke the connector on that one.  Want to try again?"
"Yeah, thanks."  I accepted the thing back.  "Let's go get the other one."
We crept down the row, Mia directing us based upon what someone on top was feeding her.  We soon came up behind the second cricket, which was simply sitting in the middle of the floor, both antennae mildly twitching.
I once again carefully lifted the net gun, carefully sighted, and pulled the trigger.
WOOOMPH!  The net flew out the front, spreading in the air, and the mesh thoroughly entangled the unsuspecting cricket.  ProteC security personnel swiftly descended upon the thrashing bundle, dragging it unceremoniously towards the same cage that the unhappy duct-taped cricket was already being shoved into.	
"Alright!"  I cheered, putting down the net gun and looking elatedly at James and Mia.  I dropped back to all fours, then held up a hoof for a fist bump with both of them.  None of us noticed the sudden furor of activity by the cage, where the second giant cricket had managed to slip out of the net again and was engaged in an awkward tussle with several security personnel.  
"Good job with the net,"  James grinned down at me.
"We did it again!"  I enthused.  "Yay, teamwo-"
REDEEP!  WHAAAABOOOM!
I flew sideways through the air, knocked almost unconscious by the unexpected psionic blast, my limbs flopping around randomly.  Then I landed face first on the concrete with a bone-jarring thud, my neck twisting and my body folding over me as I somersaulted painfully to a stop.  I lay still for a moment in a heap, stunned and confused.  We ponies may be a lot tougher than humans physically, but let me tell you, being tossed around like that really, really hurts.
"Eris!  NO!  Come here!"  Mia shrieked, her voice suddenly breaking with desperation.
I tried to tell her I was okay, that I'd just had the wind knocked out of me, but I couldn't speak.  I couldn't move at all.  Terror washed over me as i realized that I might have broken my neck in my messy landing.  But wouldn't I be able to use magic in that case?  My horn was attached to my head after all, yet it was just as useless and unresponsive as the rest of my body.
Then, suddenly, I stood up, gracelessly and awkwardly, like a marionette being jerked about by an inexperienced puppeteer.  I heard Mia wailing my name, I saw her reaching out to me.  Iron fear squeezed my heart as I stood for a moment, frozen in place.  I wanted to go to her with every fiber of my being, wanted to feel her arms around me, wanted to hear her telling me everything would be okay.  I strained until my eyes teared up, but although I could feel my body, it refused to respond to me.  I was a prisoner inside myself, screaming silently against the unyielding walls of a waking nightmare.  Then, as the tears rolled down my muzzle, I turned shufflingly away from Mia, and began to stiffly walk forwards.
Towards the looming, shifting darkness of the goatlicker's cage.
> Chapter 15:  Two More Souls to the Call
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shoot it!"
"I can't get a clear shot!"
"Do it!"
"I can't!  I'll hit her!"
"Can someone find a rope?  Anyone?"
"Are there any other unicorns here?  Someone find another unicorn!"
"The drones?"
"It's not out of the cage.  They won't know what to shoot!"
I could hear the people up above on the catwalks shouting, trying to find a way to help me, but in my heart I knew it would be over before they could find a way to reach me.  I could see the long, octopus-like tentacles twitching around in the shadows between the cage bars.  In my mind I saw them touching that poor goat again, only this time it was me, and I saw myself screaming in agony as my eye was pulled messily from-
I staggered drunkenly to the side, just as a WHOOMPH sound came from behind.  A slap on my rump left me tingling as the weighted tip of a net flew past, grazing my butt and barely missing me to whack harmlessly against the goatlicker's cage and fall to the ground.  I could feel the evil glee of the monster controlling my body, laughing at my near escape.  The tiniest surge of hope tugged at my trembling heart.
Maybe James has another net?
"Shit,"  James exclaimed behind me.  "I don't have another net!"
Crap.
I was very close now, and one of the tentacles slipped lazily between the bars to wave tauntingly at me.  At this distance, it looked even more disgusting and horrific, with dozens, hundreds, thousands of little slimy feet waving back and forth on the underside like some kind of vile starfish, each ready to sink into my poor flesh and tear me into miserable, agonized pieces.
Then I stopped, and clumsily turned back to face my friends.  Mia's hands were held out towards me, her arms shaking.  Even from here I could see her tears.  "Oh Eris.  Please fight it."
The thing in my mind snickered again, and I realized what it was doing, why it was having me sit like this.
It wanted to make my friends and I suffer more.  It wanted them to watch as it did unspeakably terrible things to my body, basking luxuriously in our combined pain and misery.  It was pure evil, and it had been a long time since it had played with anything more intelligent than a goat.  Oh yes, it was going to make me a meal to remember, and it wanted to make sure they could see every exquisite bit of suffering in my eyes as it consumed me, little by little.
"Eris!"
"Mia!" I called back, hardly realizing the monster had given me back my voice.
"Eris, please!  Come back to me!"
"I-I can't!!"  I knew what it wanted, and I tried to resist it, to not show the sorrow it desired, but seeing Mia's distress broke me.  "Don't watch!"  I bawled, my voice breaking and tears pouring down my muzzle.  "Please, Mia!  Look away!"
"No!  I can't.  I won't!  I'm coming to you!"
Yes come and hold me, save me!  screamed a little selfish voice in my mind.
"No!  Don't!"  I sobbed out loud.  "It'll take you too, Mia, please don't-"
And just like that I was voiceless again.
Mia moved forward.  I expected James to stop her, but I was surprised when he moved towards me as well.
Mia stepped over the line, and I could immediately tell by her face that she was in a mental struggle with the goatlicker.
Abruptly, I felt the grip on me quiver and weaken the slightest bit.  I pulled against it, finding myself able to gain an inch of ground back in the tug-of-war for my own body.
I jerkily lurched my body forward, almost falling on my nose.  Mia stood just inside the danger line, her face contorted with concentration.  James, still standing outside, had his hand on her shoulder.
"W-working,"  I gasped, shuffling ever so slowly towards her.
Mia grunted softly and stepped cautiously forward, James's hand firmly on her shoulder.  He allowed himself to pass into the zone behind her, and I felt a further lessening of the tension as the goatlicker now tried to multitask between mental assaults on three intelligent adversaries.  I tried to move towards my friends, but it was still like pulling against a heavy steel spring.  Each step was increasingly more difficult, until I was again frozen in place.
Mia and James approached me, slowly coming closer.  I could feel the building aggravation of the goatlicker as it desperately tried to slow them down while still keeping me a prisoner.
My friends kept moving towards my frozen form, until finally they knelt down and reached out to me, putting their hands on my sweaty, trembling body.
It was the most beautiful thing I could have hoped for, simply to feel their touch again, and simultaneously the physical contact unified us on some instinctive, subconscious level.
As we connected, the invisible steel bands holding me melted into thick mud.  The combined force of our three wills pushed back against the beast, and I heard a loud bang and a hiss from the cage behind me.  Evidently the creature within was angered beyond description by this turn of events.  It swung at us, so close I could feel the loathsome wind from those savage tentacles as they swept by.
"Don't let go,"  I mumbled.  "Stay...  together."
Crawling beside me, they each kept an arm around my neck.
"Leaving... harder,"  Mia wheezed.
"Almost there," James encouraged weakly.
"Hold tight."  I plodded forward, half dragging my friends.  Their weight did not hold me back, but the endless, increasingly frenzied mental assaults of the creature behind us made every inch as punishing as a fight against hurricane winds.
"Come on!  You can do it!  Just a little further!"
I could see a group of security personnel had collected at the edge of the danger zone, cheering us on in our eerily silent struggle.
l strained forward, pushing hard, focused only on the line marking the edge of the safe area.  Closer...  Closer...
A lot of hands and hooves reached out and grabbed us, pulling us quickly to safety.
"Are you guys alright?"
"Medic!  Medic!"
"Someone get a stretcher!"
I lay on the floor, blinking slowly, tangled up with James and Mia.  I noticed some people in exo suits had joined the group.  I idly guessed backup had finally made it downstairs.
While I continued to sprawl on the floor, some guy rushed up in front of my nose.  I lay and stared at his boots, lacking the energy even to turn my head.
"Hey guys!  I found rope and another net gun..."  he trailed off.  "Oh, good.  They're okay."
I wanted to chuckle, but instead I wheezed and everything went dark.


***


I opened my eyes to the steady beeping of the medical equipment beside my bed, and Mia's sleeping face inches from my own.
"Hey, Eris.  Good to have you back."
I turned to see the bed next to mine, and James gazed back at me tiredly.
I gave a small hoof wave.  "Hey.  What happened?"
He grinned.  "We all took a nap.  Apparently, fighting for your life against mind-controlling alien predators is very exhausting.  Who knew."
"Mmm.  James?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for coming after me.  I was so scared, I-" I choked up with a sob.
James looked embarrassed.  "You would have done the same thing.  Besides, Mia went first."
"Uh, how did she end up on my hospital bed?"
James chuckled.  "She threatened physical violence when they tried to separate her from you.  I think her exact words were 'Leave me the fuck alone or I'll break that tranquilizer off in your ass.'  They unanimously elected to leave her alone."
"Why does that not surprise me."  I smiled slightly, reaching up and stroking her gently with my forehoof, running my telekinetic fingers through her hair.  "Looks like you saved my neck again."
She murmured and opened her eyes, then gave me a squeeze, pulling me against her warm body.  "Mmm.  Hi baby."
I nuzzled her.  "Thanks for saving my life, again,"  I whispered into her ear.
"You aren't getting away from me that easily, fuzzpoof."
"I'm feeling more and more like I'm on the wrong bed," James grumbled.
"Oh stop your whining, we'll take care of you later, right Eris?"	
"Of course we will,"  I giggled.  "I owe you both-" my voice suddenly cracked "a lot," I sobbed.  Stupid emotional roller coaster.
Mia didn't seem to mind, folding her arms tightly around me.  "There, there, you're safe now, baby."
"I-I know.  I'll be okay,"  I sniffled.  "I'm so happy to be alive right now.  I was afraid I'd never-be with you guys-"  I was sobbing again.  I just gave up talking at that point, it wasn't going to work.
Mia just tucked my head against her chest and held me close until I pulled myself together.
"S-sorry," I finally said.  "Oh my gosh."
"You've had a rough day,"  Mia said, rubbing my back.
"So have you."
"Maybe we all need a break."
"I sure need a break," said James.
"So do I," said the Equestrian doctor, coming into the room.  "You guys are in here every day now."  He approached the bed.  "Miss Carson, would it be okay if I took a look at Miss Sky?  I promise there are no needles involved for either of you."
Reluctantly, Mia let me go.
The doctor quickly checked my vitals.  "Hmm.  Well, nothing wrong with you that some rest won't fix.  I was a bit worried you might be more seriously injured, after all I heard you took a dive onto your head, but it appears your thick skull was uninjured."
"Thanks?" I replied, unsure as to whether I'd just been insulted.
"Are we good to go?" James asked, sitting up in his bed.
"Well, maybe I'd like to keep you a couple days, I mean we don't often deal with people who have been under such strong psionic control..."  the doctor trailed off, sounding almost wistful.
"So we're okay then?"  James asked again, more forcefully.  "I mean it's like what, right down the hall if we need to come back."
"I'd like to keep an eye on you, you know, in case anything goes wrong that we didn't foresee."
"There's three of us, we can keep an eye on each other," Mia butted in.  "And we can do it from the comfort of our own rooms."
The doctor sighed heavily, disappointment etched on his features.  "All right," he said.  I felt a little bad for him, but I wasn't about to spend the night in the infirmary if I could help it.
"Sorry, doc,"  I said.  "Look, if we get into trouble again, I promise we'll come visit you."
He groaned audibly.


***


We arrived back at our rooms, closed the door behind us, and dropped our gear in the common area kitchen.  After a few glasses of water, we headed to our individual rooms to get cleaned up.  My bedroom space didn't have much in it besides a twin bed, rug, desk, and holoterminal.  Ignoring all of these, I headed straight to the little bathroom and spent the next few minutes between the toilet, the sink, and the shower.  In short order I felt refreshed and somewhat presentable again.  When I arrived back in the common area, it was empty.
"Hey Eris, over here,"  James called.
I turned to see James laying on Mia's bed with the sheets pushed down, his muscular chest peeking out of the red housecoat he was wearing.  He had his arm around Mia, her body wrapped in some kind of short satin robe that barely reached mid thigh.  They smiled at me, and Mia beckoned with her hand.
"I feel a bit under dressed,"  I admitted as I clopped lightly over to join them on the bed, crawling up to James.
He brushed my mane back from my face.  "You always look perfect, babe."  He then pulled me gently over his body and wedged me between the two of them.
I closed my eyes when he kissed me, and again when Mia kissed me as well.  "I don't know how I got this lucky,"  I purred as I wiggled there, comfortably squashed by my two favorite aliens.
"I think the same thing all the time now," James replied, nibbling my ear.
I lay quietly for a moment, my ear idly flicking around while James played with it.  After a moment, the tendrils of what had happened earlier played unbidden across my mind.  I saw the look on Mia's face as she watched me walk towards my death, and I shuddered involuntary.
"Are you okay, honey?" Mia asked.
"I...  Um, today was too close.  I still, I mean I still feel..."
"Me too," she said, squeezing me close..  "I don't want to think about it."
"Me either.  It's okay now though, right?  Let's just enjoy being together."  I said softly.
Mia and James slipped out of their clothes, then pulled the sheets and blanket up over us.  The cozy feeling comforted me, and as the lights dimmed, I yawned.  I could hear, in the distance, the nightly serenade of the horror hotel we kept downstairs, but tucked snugly between my two humans, I couldn't make myself care anymore, not tonight.
Next to the bed, our weapons sat ready.
I sleep every night with my shotgun by my bed.  We all do.
It's a lot nicer when you do it together, though.
> Chapter 16:  The Mome Raths Outgrabe
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was about 3 AM when the Level Two containment breach klaxon sounded again.
I peeked my muzzle out from under the sheets.  "What the hay?"
Both my subordinates were already getting dressed.  "Containment breach," James replied, standing still with his arms slightly extended to his sides while his exo suit unfolded from the floor and latched around him.  Mia was already locked into hers, and was checking her weapons.
"Oh crap."  I flopped around under the sheets and eventually flailed my way onto the floor, where I put my gear on as quickly as I could.  Since I don't use an exo, the three of us were ready at roughly the same time.
"Are you ready, boss lady?" James asked, his hand on the door.
"Yeah," I said, buckling my pistol holster in place.
"You're forgetting something," Mia chided, pointing to my shotgun in the corner by the bed.
"Aw crap."  I telekinetically siezed the firearm and latched it in place.  "Thanks."
"That's why we're a team, sweetheart."
As we pushed our door open to join the throng, the klaxons stopped.  Moments later a message appeared.
CONTAINMENT BREACH TERMINATED.  ALL PERSONNEL RETURN TO NORMALLY SCHEDULED ACTIVITIES.
The hallway quieted, except for some annoyed mumbling as ponies and people in exo suits returned to their quarters.
"We should still take a look and find out what happened," I said, hesitantly.
"Agreed."  James strode ahead of us down the hall, his exo whirring softly as we followed single file behind him since we were going against the current flow of traffic.


***


We entered the Level Two containment area, and I immediately asked the two guards manning the entry what was going on.
"Some critter got out of its cage.  The drones shot it.  There's a gaggle over there milling around."
"Thanks."  We headed out onto the floor, and soon approached the small crowd.
"...collapsed their bones,"  one of the biologists was saying.
I looked between them, at the bullet-riddled messes which had been blasted to bits by the automatic drones, several of which hovered about or sat on the floor nearby.  I was well aware of the little gun barrels peeking out from their fuselage.
A cage nearby contained several more live specimens, and was marked "MOME RATHS."  The creatures still inside were rather revolting, looking unpleasantly like a sea anemone crossed with an octopus.  They tended to stand around on their tentacles, the tufts of smaller tentacles on top looking like a tuft of hair.  Creepy little eye stalks poked up from the top, staring at us suspiciously.  The ARHUD informed me that they were capable of delivering paralyzing stings, as well as dissolving their immobilized prey with powerful acid.
"So what happened?" I asked.
The group of scientists and security personnel shifted to look at us.
"Hey guys!" a familiar voice rang out.
"Lily Pads?  Is that you?"
"Sure is!"  The cheerful vetrinarian stepped over to us.  "What's up?"
"I was about to ask the same thing,"  I replied.  "How did these..."  I looked at the cage label again "Er, Mome Raths, end up on the floor?"
"Well, here, watch the video footage."
The Earth pony tapped some holographic menus from her ProteC bracelet, and tossed us a file.  "Check that out."
We played the file.  I saw the cage from a distance, then the camera abruptly zoomed in.  The creatures had managed to climb the transparent wall of the cage, and were squeezing through air holes that looked far too small for them.  The video ended as the containment alert alarm began.
"They can fold themselves through holes far smaller than their body width, just like mice,"  Lily Pads explained as we finished the clip.  "The drones responded and opened fire upon the escapees, making this puddle here."  She tapped her rear hoof towards the reeking heap of mangled chunks behind her.  "We had no idea they were capable of this.  But that's how it goes.  It's a good thing nopony was hurt."
"For sure."
"Hey, Lily?"  James chimed in.  "What's to keep the rest of them from coming out?"
"They won't move around much as long as there are this many of us here," she replied.  "Oh, and I mean, if they DO, well..."  she tapped the pistol on her thigh.  "Wouldn't be the first time I've had to, ah, put a specimen to sleep."
Mia, James, and I all looked at each other.  It was hard to imagine sweet little Lily Pads putting a bullet through anything, but then again...
"I guess you gotta have a certain flair for the abnormal  to even want to be out in a place like this,"  Mia finally said.
"So very true,"  Lily twittered.  "Well then.  I suppose we should leave the rest of this to the on duty personnel.  They're going to make a small cage mod and apply it, which won't take long.  Even these slimy little worms won't be able to get through a steel mesh."
While we talked, the security drones pulled away, returning to their recharge/reload docking stacks.  I wasn't sorry to see them go.  Their constant buzzing and scanning was making me extremely nervous.
"It's good to see you again,"  I told Lily.  
I looked at the time.  It was just after 4 AM.
"Well now it's almost time to start the dayaaaaaEEK!" I yawned hugely as I turned back, ending in a squeak.
"Hello, Eris," said a gruff voice.
I tripped in surprise and plowed right into Chief Lewis, bouncing off him like a rubber ball hitting a concrete barrier.
"Oh!  I'm sorry!  I didn't hear you come up behind me!" I gasped from the floor.
"I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you."  He reached out his gloved left hand, his exo suit whirring as he helped me off the floor.  I noticed he kept his right hand securely on the grip of his weapon the entire time.  He scrutinized me keenly as he pulled me up, although his serious gaze also flicked around the room, evidently keeping an eye on the unpleasant denizens.  As his eyes washed over me, I didn't feel he wanted my body, but I did feel as if I'd been weighed in the balance and found wanting.
"Are you well, Eris?"
"I-I ah, yes, I believe s-so,"  I stuttered.
His eyes narrowed but he didn't say anything further, instead looking at my companions.
"Okay," he finally said.  "You guys go ahead and get back to whatever you were doing.  We will handle this."
"But paperwork-" I began
"There isn't much for this.  There is really no need for your section to be involved in this at all, Eris."
I didn't understand the edge to his words.  "I-I'm sorry.  We just wanted to help."
Chief Lewis looked sharply at me.  "Didn't you see the termination message?  You don't need to be involved in every single thing that goes on down here, you know."
I was taken aback by his tone.  "I didn't realize..."
"Just go, okay?  Take your guys and go get some rest."
"Yes. Okay."  I felt as if I'd just been smacked like a disobedient filly, and I didn't even know why.  I was more than a little hurt and embarrassed.
"Hey," James began.  "That's uncalled for."
Chief Lewis just shook his head.  "Ruttege, just let it be.  I've got work to do and it's too fucking early for an argument, okay?  We'll have a sit-down later and you can all cry about your hurt feelings.  Sound good?"
James huffed irritably and turned away, coming back to my side.  "Let's go.  It's obvious we aren't wanted here."
"We could go get some food," Mia suggested.
I paused.  "Hey Lily?  Wanna go get a snack with us?"
She thought about it.  "Ah.  I guess I might as well, since I'm up."


***


After swinging by our rooms to drop off our heavier gear, including James and Mia's exo suits, we returned to meet for a snack.  The dining room was completely empty, aside from us.  It wasn't open for hot meals yet due to the early time, but some things were available around the clock, like fruit, juice, cereal, milk, and some other items that didn't require much supervision.
We grabbed cereal and fruit on disposable plates, then took our seats in a booth, James and Mia sitting on one side, while I sat next to Lily Pads, across from Mia.
Lily picked up her spoon with her hoof and shoved it into her milky Fruity Loops, raising them to her muzzle and crunching with evident pleasure.  "So," she said with her mouth full.  "I heard you guys got into some trouble with the goatlicker in Level Two."
She must have seen our faces fall, because she quickly gulped down her cereal and waved both hooves in the air, spattering milk across me from her spoon.  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up any-"
"It's fine," I said, gently stopping the waving spoon by touching her hoof.  "It's just... it wasn't fun, that's all.  Maybe it would be better to talk about something a little lighter this early in the morning?"  I wiped my face with a napkin, then took a spoon of my own Lucky Charms.
"Um, it's good to see you've made friends, Eris," Lily tried again.  "How did you guys meet?"
"Well,"  Mia grinned.  "You could say Eris just kind of ran into me, and we got along pretty well, so here we are.  Funny how sometimes you just bump into someone, and then next thing you're doing all kinds of stuff together, isn't it?"  She glanced at me innocently and bit into an apple.
I blushed.  Sometimes I seriously feel like everything Mia says holds innuendo, yet somehow nobody seems to catch on except me.  No wait, James was smirking at me too.
"Yeah...  Stuff,"  I mumbled lamely.
Lily smiled, blissfully unaware of my discomfort.  "Sure.  Just like now, I mean we just kind of ran into each other and now here we are, right?"
"Right!"  I agreed, relieved to be moving away from Mia's minefield.  "I'm happy to have made friends so quickly!"
"Yeah, it's an opportunity to share things, and let things hang out," Mia agreed sweetly.  "Everyone needs someone they can loosen up with, right Eris?"
Damn it Mia.
"So, Lily, what made you want to come Earthside?  James asked, changing the subject and saving me from certain doom.
"Oh, well, so many things," she chirped.  "You know, we have many species on our world, but the idea of coming to work with a totally alien race on an alien planet was the most thrilling thing I could imagine.  When Celestia announced the opportunity for ponies to come here and work for ProteC, well, I leapt at it!"  She paused.  "Uh, and well, you know, we get to work with a lot of bizarre creatures.  I never thought I'd be a xenobiologist as well as veterinarian, and working here will give me credentials above and beyond most any other vet in Equestria."
"We're glad to have you here," James replied, nodding.
"Thank you.  It means a lot to me to have this opportunity, and to hang out with you guys too."
"Xenobiology," I murmured.  "Lily, you know in Equestria, sometimes I wonder, do you think some of the creatures we see are not native to our world?"
"That's an interesting thought," she replied.  "Now, after the incursion, it's a guarantee that some of the things we see are residue from the event.  But before?  Yes, even then, sometimes I wondered."  She paused, swirling her plastic spoon around in the Styrofoam cereal bowl.  "Some of the crazy things I see captured in places like Everfree Forest, or beyond?  I just don't know.  And the influence of magic makes it even harder to tell."
"I guess it's kind of an unanswerable question,"  I mused.  "At least with the smaller creatures."
"Yes, some of the larger ones are intelligently obvious about how they've come from elsewhere to destroy us," Lily remarked.
I remembered the goatlicker's vile presence, and shuddered.  "You're right about that."  I also swirled my spoon in a circle, thinking depressing thoughts.
"So, ah, since it seems a bit early for all this grim darkness," Mia finally said, "What's your favorite part of being on our world?"
"Oh, that's easy," Lily replied, smiling brightly again.  "It's being around you guys."
"Humans?"
"Yes.  I mean, you guys are a lot like us, but the physical differences interest me.  I also like your ways of interacting with each other.  You guys are so serious sometimes, so professional.  It's something I just never experienced much before.  It's... how do you say it?  Bad ass.  Humans are bad ass."
Mia grinned.  "You guys aren't bad yourselves."
Lily smiled, then her holobracelet beeped.  "Oh.  I'm sorry.  I have to hand some experiment notes to a colleague.  Thanks for the snack you guys.  I hope we talk again soon."
We all slid out of the booth together, James grabbing all the trash and trays for disposal over Lily's protest.  I waved a hoof as she left, clopping away quickly down the hall.
"Well, that was nice," I said.  "What should we do now?  I feel like I want a nap, but the day is about to begin in a couple hours."
Mia yawned.  "You're the boss, Eris.  I mean, we've been up most of the night.  I don't think anyone is going to condemn you for not being in the office.  Most of the time nobody even stops by anyway."
I bit my lip.  "I guess you're right.  Let's crash for a few."	


***


An hour after we had closed our eyes I woke up to a beeping from my bracelet.  Chief Lewis wasn't kidding about the meeting that morning.  And it was in Director Stephen's office, no less.
I regretfully woke my two zonked-out humans and we threw our clothes on, then hurried to see Director Stephens.  When we entered the room, he was sitting behind his desk and Chief Lewis sitting on a folding chair next to it.
"Please, have a seat," Stephens said, waving at the chairs we'd been in many times before.  "Chief?"
"Well, to begin with, I would like to apologize for the way I spoke to you earlier," Chief Lewis said.  "It was rather early, and I had not had my coffee yet, even though that's a poor excuse."
"We all get a bit on edge from time to time," I responded warily.
Lewis sighed.  "You may not have known it, but I was one of the people who helped carry your heavy potato sack asses up to the infirmary after you collapsed outside the Goatlicker stockade,"  he continued.  "I told the doc to make sure you guys rested, but what do I see the moment I arrive at the containment breach site at zero dark thirty?  Oh that's right, you three right in the middle of things again."
I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.  "I know, I don't control your section, but I can make recommendations as head of security.  You have been through too much in these past few days, and you need to take a break."
"But I'm fine-"  I began.
Chief Lewis reached out under my nose.
"What are you doing?"  I asked, going cross-eyed.
He snapped his fingers.
"Eek!" I sqeaked, jerking back.
"Please stop that," Director Stephens said quietly, glaring at the security chief.
Lewis snorted and sat back in his chair.  "I merely wanted to show how on edge she is.  For their own safety-"
"I agree with you," Stephens interrupted.  He levelled his piercing gaze at me, and I withered uncomfortably beneath it.  "You've been through more than is usual in such a short time period," he finally said.  "I am putting all three of you on temporary vacation for the next few days."
"But I just got here!"
"Miss Sky, you've had a very near miss, and to be frank, you all look extremely stressed."
I paused my protest, looking closely at Mia and James, noting the dark circles under their eyes for the first time, and feeling immediately guilty for not having noticed earlier.
"I...  I'm sorry.  You're right," I conceded.  "I don't know why I didn't see it before."
"Probably because you look worse than either of them,"  Stephens replied bluntly.  "It is good that you take your responsibilities seriously, but you must also take care of yourself.  It is dangerous around here, as you are no doubt deeply aware, even more so if your judgement is impaired by exhaustion."
"It's only been a few days, though."
"During which time your world has been turned upside-down, and you've been inches from death more than once."
I sighed.  "Again, you're right.  But what about our duties?"
Chief Lewis tapped the table.  "Don't worry about that.  We were okay before you arrived, we'll be okay if you're gone for a few days.  I have a lot of personnel on hand."
"But, you know, unicorn magic?"
"We're a bit thin on unicorns, as most of the ones working for ProteC are assigned to the field teams, but we have a few.  Like I said before, don't worry about it."
"There's a boat heading to the mainland ProteC facility tomorrow at oh nine hundred hours.  I'd like all three of you to be on it."
I looked at Mia and James, who nodded back agreeably.  "Yes, Director, I think a trip would be nice."
"Good.  The transports will be heading for the docks at zero seven hundred.  Until then, relax around here.  I shall be very cross if I see any of you so much as sitting at a desk between now and then, understood?"
"Yes, sir."


***


"Here, try this on." Mia hurled another piece of fabric over my face from across the room.
I fumbled around and pulled it over my head, adding a stretchy tube top to the borrowed short skirt I was already wearing.  "How's it look?"
"You look absolutely amazing, fuzzpoof.  How about me?"
I looked Mia up and down, from her cherry-red sandal heels to her denim stretch skirt with light green halter top.  She had shoved her ARHUD into a small backpack and  it hung just above her perfect butt.
"You're making me horny.  I want to lick your breasts,"  I said impulsively , then I hung my head shamefully.  "Crap.  You're doing it, Mia.  You're making me into a pervert."
"Just as planned!" she said evilly, yanking her top down tightly and striking a model pose so her nipples showed through even more.
I found myself growing hot and moist between my legs.  "Mia..."
She sat on the bed and patted the sheet beside her.  "Come here, baby."
I hopped up next to her, and before I knew it we were kissing, her hand sneaking down between my thighs.  I whimpered and spread my legs, the thin skirt riding up my waist.
James walked in at that moment.  "So what's going on in-"  he took in the scene and staggered back as if he'd been slugged.  "Holy shit!"
"Easy there honey," Mia cooed, slipping her slimy fingers into her mouth.  "Wouldn't want you to break anything important."
"I've never seen you girls dressed like this before," James gasped, leaning against the wall.
"Come take a closer look,"  I added, lifting my skirt higher while Mia scratched me behind the ears 
"Well, we do have a few hours," James said huskily, throwing off his shirt as he hurried towards us.
Mia intercepted him, unzipping his pants and dropping to her knees on the rug to put his cock into her mouth.  I watched her grab his muscular butt and force feed herself, her throat expanding as she eagerly gagged on his member.
I slowly massaged my crotch with a hoof.  Seeing Mia deepthroat James was making me want to do it too.  Remembering things I'd seen in some of the more interesting human videos I'd downloaded on the Internet, I lay on my back and hung my head over the edge of the bed.  "Save some for me,"  I purred.
Mia pulled back, gasping for breath and pointing at me.  James came closer, bending over to give me a kiss.
"Mmm.  Now fuck my face," I demanded.
"I don't wanna be too rough," he replied, uncertainly.
"I'll be fine."
"If you say so, Boss."
"Don't call me 'Boss' when we're-mmph!"  His rod jamming into my mouth cut me off.  I straightened my neck, my mane hanging towards the floor while I lay upside down, his dick sliding in and out of my throat.  I saw Mia sneaking past him and onto the bed, then I spasmed as I felt her tongue in my pussy.  I wanted to moan with pleasure, but ended up choking instead.  James stopped thrusting and pulled out, 
"Are you okay, babe?"
I put a hoof on Mia's head, petting her as she ate me out.  "Yes, don't stop, I can take it."
He shrugged and filled my mouth again, shoving harder this time.  I wasn't expecting the deep thrust he gave me, and I felt my eyes bug out as I almost puked.
Oh crap.  I think I may have overestimated my abilities.
"Um.  That feels so good."  James pushed again.
I had definitely been wrong, I couldn't handle it at all.  His cock tripped my gag reflex, and I threw up, some of it squirting out of my nose in gooey strands, some of it erupting around Jame's cock in my mouth and oozing down my cheeks.  I was shocked, and a moment later that turned to horror when I realized I'd just involuntarily pissed in Mia's mouth as well.  I felt her jerk in surprise, and the sudden overwhelming shame made my cheeks burn.
Then she started licking me again, even more eagerly than before.
"Oh jeez Eris," James  began, trying to back off.  "I'm so sorry-"
I used my other hoof to keep him from pulling out.  "Mmm," I said, the feelings of humiliation making a hot little ball in my stomach that slowly trickled down to my crotch, leaving my hooves shaking with desire.  I was actually enjoying this, against my own expectations.  Too much to stop.
"Are you sure?"  James asked again, resisting my efforts to pull him back into my throat.
"HRRRMPH!"  I growled, getting frustrated while I tugged at him with my hoof.
"Well, if that's what you want..."  He pushed back into my mouth roughly then, and some of my slime squeezed out and ran down my face, messing my mane.  I was too excited to care anymore, even as I gagged and coughed, more goo coating my face and mane.  Whatever Mia was doing to my pussy with her tongue and fingers had driven me to the brink of-
"MMMPH!"  I moaned, writhing on the bed as i came hard.  I could feel Mia's lips sucking on me as I squirted into her mouth, and that turned me on even more.
Then she was crawling over my body.  "You've made such a mess, baby," she purred as she slid up my chest, stroking me through the little tube top.  She guided Jame's dick out of my mouth and kissed him on it, then she kissed me hard.  I could taste myself on her lips as I wrapped my hooves around her and slid my tongue into her throat.  She choked on it, but of course that didn't do anything except make her more eager.
I could see James was watching us, his penis erect like a flagpole.  Mia did too, and she slowly pulled out of my embrace.
"Eris?  Stay right here, sweetie."
"Mmm."
She crawled around on top of me, putting her naked ass and pussy directly over my face, the denim skirt shoved all the way up her waist.  I could see how wet she was, and I used my long tongue to tease her until James rammed his dick in, eliciting a squeal of pleasure from Mia.  I continued to lick while he pounded her from behind, my tongue dragging against her clit and his shaft.  I was momentarily glad we didn't have any immediate neighbors with the amount of noise she was making.
It didn't take long for them to finish, James straining hard into her and Mia groaning back against him while I frantically lapped my tongue against them both, eager for a taste.  When he finally pulled his cock out, cum dripped onto my face and mouth from Mia's soaked pussy.  I impatiently grabbed her ass and yanked her down, shoving my tongue up inside her slit.
"E-Eris, oh baby,"  she moaned, her thighs trembling against my mouth while I slurped down the warm cum from inside her.  Finally I let go and fell heavily back on the bed, licking my sticky muzzle.
Mia crawled off and came up beside me.  She kissed me on my dirty snout and giggled.  "Goodness.  You really are filthy."
I smiled a little.  "I know."
"Let me help you."
"Wha?"
She began licking my cheek.
"H-hey, that's kind of gross,"  I protested, trying to worm away.
Mia grabbed my forehooves and put a leg over me, straddling my hips.  Then she leaned down and started running her tongue over my face again, holding my hooves up on either side of my head so I couldn't interfere.
I groaned.  "Okay, okay.  Eating my chewed food wasn't enough.  Now you're licking my puke off my face."
"I'd lick anything of yours,"  Mia whispered in my ear, hovering over me.  Her tongue went up and down my ear, chasing it while it flicked about nervously.
"J-James?  A little help here?"  I whimpered.  "Mia's being disgusting.  Again."
James was sitting beside us on the bed, watching with interest.  "I don't know," he replied.  "I'm not sure if it's safe to try and pull Mia off her meal."
I rolled my eyes.  "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"You're not?  I mean if you were really wanting to escape, you've got all that magic, right?"
"I...  I..."  I sighed, feeling Mia's soft, wet tongue running down my muzzle, her strong legs against mine, and looking up into her eyes, shaded slightly by her crazy pink hair hanging down.  "Yes.  I am," I finally whispered.  "I'd be lying if I said otherwise."
Mia giggled, nuzzling me gently.  "You're the best boss in the world, Eris."
I rolled my eyes and sighed again, relaxing underneath her.  "What can I say.  I aim to please."
> Chapter 17:  Daylight
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning I woke up to Mia tugging at my shoulder.
"Wakey wakey!"
I sat up and yawned widely, stretching my forehooves dramatically over my head, seeing she was wearing another miniskirt and a tank top.  
She sure has a lot of sexy outfits, I thought to myself.
"Hey Mia.  What's up?"
"Everypony but you.  Come on fuzzpoof, let's get breakfast!"
"Okay.  I'm up."  I swung my legs off the bed.  Mia leaned over to give me a kiss on the head and a hug.  I put my forehooves around her, enjoying the warm press of her body against mine.
When she released me, I dropped onto the floor.  It felt strangely good slipping more of Mia's borrowed clothes on, a clean miniskirt and tube top to give me a summery vacation look.  I enjoyed wearing clothes, not necessarily because I needed to, but because I like being sexy, and clothes do things to ponies that nudity can only dream of.
"Do you feel weird wearing that without any breasts?"  Mia asked me as I wiggled into the stretchy black top.
"No.  Actually, though, I do have breasts under it,"  I replied.  "It's just really hard to see them.  Look."
I got back on the bed and sat down, pulling down the top and showing her my chest.  "Here.  Under my fur.  See my nipples?  Look, they're right where yours would be if you were a totally flat chested pony."
Mia looked closer.  "Oh my!  I see!  Can I touch them?"  she asked, reaching towards me.
I giggled.  "You're seriously asking me?"
Mia blushed, a very unusual sight indeed.  "Yeah, okay.  It just feels strange because I hadn't noticed before, and, oh, I don't know.  Whatever."  She put her hands on me, gently pinching my two little teats.  Okay, that felt really good, and I twitched my legs as a warm feeling washed over me, making me a little moist in the nether regions.
"We have internal mammary glands behind the rib cage,"  I said, more huskily than I intended.  "So no visible breasts.  Generally you can only really see the nips when we are pregnant or nursing and they push out of the fur-ahhhh!"
Mia had leaned forward and was sucking on my left teat.  Having her soft lips on my sensitive chest felt quite nice, and I was momentarily debilitated from the tickly sensation, my chin rising towards the ceiling as I arched my back.  If I was moist before, I was soaking now.
"M-Mia," I finally gasped, bringing my head down to look at her.  "If you don't stop that, I'm going to drag you right back into bed and make you finish what you're starting."
She teased me a bit more with her tongue, making me tremble and rub my legs together.  Then she leaned away and pulled my top back into place carefully.  "We'll continue this later, fuzzpoof.  By the way, did you know some people are certain you should have boobs down between your legs?"
I grimaced.  "What?  Like a cow?  Why?"
She giggled.  "They call them crotch tits.  A lot of MLP fandom artists draw stuff like that.  I used to see it all the time.  They insist it's anatomically correct because horses on Earth have udders there.  Here, I'll show you."  Mia swept through a few menus on her holobracelet, pulling up a digital rendition of Twilight Sparkle spread-eagled on a bed, two human-like breasts stuffed between her legs near the vagina.
I wrinkled my nose.  "What the hay?  That's freaky.  I mean, you can easily see we don't have anything there even in your animation show, right?  That's so...  Eew!"
Mia shrugged.  "I don't even try to understand it."
"Probably for the best," I shuddered. "Do they not realize we are about as much like Earth horses as humans are like monkeys?  And who wants to see humans with monkey tails?"
"Like I said, I don't even try to understand it," Mia said again.  "Although I'm sure there'd be an audience somewhere for humans with ugly tails porn."  Mia sat beside me on the bed, then spread her legs wide and made vulgar jerking motions between them with her fisted hand.  "Uh uh.  Yeah baby, show me that creepy skin buttsnake!"
I shook my head in disgust.  "No.  Just no.  No butt snakes.  No thanks.  Crotch tits.  Yuck.  No crotch tits either."
James poked his head into the room.  "Crotch what?  Good morning, Eris.  I can see your panties, Mia.  I approve of these outfits."
"Good morning, James," I replied.  "Come look at this."
He walked over, and Mia shoved her wrist in his face.  He peered at the hologram of Twilight.  "Hmm.  Not bad, but what's with the ballsack breasts?"  He paused, then looked closer at me.  "That makes me wonder, though.  How do you-"
I pulled down my top again, grabbed his hand, and put it on my chest.
"Ah?  Ohhh!  How have I not noticed this before?"
"They're kinda hidden,"  I suggested.
"Yeah," he replied, only half listening while he fondled my flat chest.  "These are cute."
"Th-thanks," I gasped, feeling aroused again.  "If you want to eat breakfast you'd better stop though.  It's making me horny."
"Hmm. I like making you horny."  He leaned forward and kissed me on the mouth.  It was a deep kiss, too, and when he pulled me up against his chest, I could feel his hard shaft poking my stomach through his pants.
"James?"  I said when i could finally breathe.  "I just woke up.  I probably have morning breath and I need to pee."
"You smell fine to me,"  he said.
"You can go right here," Mia added, licking her lips suggestively.
I groaned.  "Look you two, we've got an armored truck to catch.  This will have to wait."
James stood up with exaggerated stiffness and saluted me jauntily.  "Whatever you say, boss lady who acts all serious after waking up late as hell."
"Slave driver," Mia added, sticking out her tongue at me.  "I bet you're gonna go waste all that good pee on the toilet, too.  Sharing is caring, Miss Selfish."
I shook my head as i pushed myself off the bed and trotted towards the bathroom.  "You guys are the worst."


***


I telekinetically levitated my tray onto the food line counter, waiting for Mia to order ahead of me.
"Miss Eris!  Good morning to you.  That's an interesting new uniform."
I grinned back up at Cookie.  "Hey!  Well, we're about to go on a little R&R, so I'm dressed for the occasion."
"I've heard some of the stories," he said, frying my cheese and veggie omelette.  "Sounds like you guys deserve a break.  Have a good time and get some sun, Miss Eris."
"Thanks, Cookie.  I'll see you later, then!"
I grabbed my tray and some drinks, then trotted to the table with James close on my heels.  I slid in next to Mia, being careful with the waist belt retention holster I was wearing my Glock in.  We had put our heavier weapons into lockers in our rooms, carrying only our pistols with magic-enhanced high capacity magazines installed.  James sat across from me, slathering a biscuit in strawberry jelly.
I cut a piece of my veggie omelette and put it in my mouth.  "Mmm.  Yum.  This is good."  I noticed Mia preparing to eat a large jiggly spoonful of green Jell-O.  "Can I taste it?"  I asked.
Mia looked at me in surprise, her spoon halted inches from her mouth.  "Uh, Eris, you know what this is, right?  There's a reason it's not in the vegetarian section."
"It smells like fruit.  We have stuff like that in Equestria."
"Is yours made from the boiled bones of animals?"
"What?"
"This is made of gelatin.  It's an animal byproduct."
I stared at the bouncing green stuff.  I sniffed.  It smelled like limes.  "Um.  That sounds kinda gross, but it doesn't smell bad."
"Well if you want to try it, go ahead.  You won't get sick or something, will you?"
I shook my head.  "Technically we are omnivores.  I could probably even eat a little meat without getting sick, but it just grosses me out too much.  A lot of us are disgusted by most animal-derived products.  I, well..."  I hesitated.  "I'm more curious than most, I guess."
James had set down his fork, staring at me with interest.
"Well are you gonna try it or not, fuzzpoof?"  Mia finally asked, holding the temptingly wiggly substance under my nose.
I puffed out my cheeks and blew.  "Give me the spoon."


***


"You ate all my Jell-O," Mia said for the fifth time as we climbed the stairs in the entry tunnel.  "I didn't get any!"
"I would have gotten you more," I replied regretfully.  "But the tray was empty!  I checked!"
"All my Jell-O," Mia lamented again.  "This is gonna cost you, Eris."
"I don't know if I like the sound of that."
"You should be very afraid,"  Mia said threateningly.  "I'll get you.  I'll hold you down and lick your hoovsies until you pass out from laughing, or I'll tie you up and tickle your butthole with a feather until you wet the bed, or something equally horrible."
"Jeez, Mia.  Have some mercy.  It was an accident."
"Accident?  You ate all of my Jell-O, Eris.  All of it!  There is no way you can claim that was an accident!  I wonder if your poop is gonna taste like limes?"
"What the hay are you-" I began, turning my head to look at her.  I then immediately misjudged the length of the staircase, stepping off into space at the top step and stumbling forward onto the landing, my face going down and my ass going up.  "Eeeek!"
"Stay just like that!"  Mia exclaimed, fumbling with her backpack.  "I'm gonna take a picture!"
"Like hay you are!"  I reached behind with both hooves and pulled my skirt and tail back down over my exposed mare parts.
"Stop!  I'll forgive your Jell-O thieving ways!" she yelped.
"I'll take my chances with the feather, thank you very much."
"I got a picture," James said cheerfully from behind us, smiling behind his ARHUD.  "Came out well."
Both Mia and I turned to him.  "Give it to me!" we demanded in unison.
He shook his head.  "Nu-uh.  That's what you get for taking off your ARHUD early, Mia.  I'll give it to whoever convinces me in a way I like the most."
Mia pouted, sticking her hands on her hips.  "Jerk!"
He just grinned at her.  "I'll consider that offer."
She huffed loudly and continued across the staging room to the main exterior door.
As I clopped up beside her, I felt a curious mix of nervousness and excitement.  It had been days since I had seen the sun, or anything besides the concrete and steel of these endless tunnels.  Even so, the outside was quite a bit more dangerous than the inside.  Or was it?  After all, I'd nearly had my narrow ass used as a chew toy by several of the monsters in the basement by this point.  Come to think of it, the collection below was probably a lot more concentrated than I would see in the jungle.  I looked up at Mia, standing next to me.  She looked sexy in her miniskirt, combat boots, and pistol belt, leaving me wondering if I looked even remotely as good in mine.  I reached up to touch her hand with my forehoof, and she gripped my telekinetic fingers eagerly, giving me a firm squeeze.  I remembered both she and James had been down here a lot longer than I had, and I had no idea the last time they'd been outside, either.  When the heavy door finally creaked open, blazing daylight poured in and my ARHUD darkened.  I was momentarily blinded regardless, and Mia's grip on me tightened.
"You guys ready?" James asked after a moment, putting his hand in my mane and giving my ears a quick scratch.
"Yeah," I said.  "Let's go."
The three of us moved forward as one, stepping from the artificial light of the underground world and into the brilliant sunlight of the South American island morning.
> Chapter 18:  Vacation Destination
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

As we exited the Menagerie and entered the outdoor vehicle compound, I was surprised by how quiet things seemed.  Numerous ProteC security personnel bustled about loading cargo, much of it with hazardous material and biohazard warning labels, into the backs of armored trucks.  Several other personnel besides us were heading back to the mainland for various reasons, most travelling light.
We were quickly guided to the back of one of the truck by the attending security personnel.
After we sat down and strapped in, I asked the gunner about the lack of monsters.
"Attacks have really died down in the past few days," he replied.  "Some of the creatures are dumb as hell, but the majority seem to have realized that assaulting this compound or our truck convoys results in an immediate ass whooping.  They mostly avoid us now, although it's common to see things watching from the jungle.  It will probably be an easy ride today, but there are no guarantees.  You can be sure if they think we are vulnerable, they'll have a go at us."
He was right.  The trip to the docks was surprisingly uneventful, although there were several blasts of gunfire from our vehicle turret and others.  After a brief wait at the docks for security sweeps and cargo transfer, we were on a boat back to ProteC Ecuador, where I promptly fell asleep with my head in James's lap while Mia rested her head on my rump in turn.


***


"Hey Eris, wake up, we're here."
"What?"  I peered around blearily.  "Oh.  Yay."  I shifted, causing Mia to mumble uneasily in her sleep and grab my ass, evidently perturbed that her warm pillow was trying to escape.
"Hey baby, rise and shine," I said quietly, running my invisible fingers through her hair.
She opened her eyes slowly.  "Eris?  Oh, I fell asleep?  You're so soft," she whispered, smoothing my ruffled fur.
"The better to be your pillow with.  Let's go get on the bus."
Once transferred off the boat and onto the bus, the short trip from the docks to ProteC Ecuador Lodging was uneventful.  We watched as the jungle gave way to large buildings and robot-manicured lawns, eventually coming to stop in front of the massive lodging facility.  Once we got off the bus, I noticed the mail icon blink in my ARHUD.  I activated it, bringing up an brief email message.

Advisor Sky,
Please check your authorized modes of travel at ProteC Lodging.  Have a nice trip!
- Director Stephens

"Huh," I said.  "Let's go check at the hotel desk, I  guess."  Together we walked up the steps to the massive hotel-like structure.  I already knew what to expect inside, as I had spent several days living here while training before my assignment to the Menagerie, but it still awed me when we passed through the main doors and into the huge central foyer.  I paused for a moment, looking at the indoor trees and the towering waterfall that dominated the central park under a distant skylight far above.  "It's so beautiful in here every time I see it,"  I said over the pleasant chatter of the water.
"Very,"  James agreed.  "Kind of wish the Menagerie was nice like this."
"I'm sure the new one they're building will be better," Mia said hopefully.
Together we proceeded towards the main check-in counter, pleasantly located beneath a tree near an in-floor stream with walking bridges over it.
The girl at the counter smiled politely at me.  "How may I help you, ma'am?"
"Um, I guess we need to find out what kind of travel we are authorized to use?"
"Ah, certainly, ma'am.  If you would sweep your wristbands through this hologram?"
We did so, one after the other.
"ProteC follows a tiered travel package system," she explained.  "You may be authorized different means of conveyance depending upon your rank or special mission, up to and including personal aircraft or chartered flights."  She peered closely as a readout popped up.  "Okay, Mr. Ruttege, currently you have access to ProteC buses, boats, aircraft, and other set-destination mass conveyances.  Miss Carson, same for you."
They both shrugged.
"There's a regularly scheduled plane from here to ProteC Texas," the attendant suggested helpfully.  "It's a favorite of people heading out on vacation, as I assume you are doing."  She scrolled further.  "Oh, wait a moment.  Miss Sky, you are authorized additional economy personal vehicles."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You have a higher tier travel access plan.  If you wish, you can choose from a selection of ProteC-owned ground cars to use at your convenience."
I found myself grinning widely.  "Really?  I can just take a car?"
The girl peered at me.  "Uh, you DO know how to drive, don't you?"
My smile faltered.  Driving basics had indeed been a part of the ProteC initiation course, but I had not been particularly good at it.  The ATVs were easy enough, but full-sized cars made me nervous.  "I, uh... well, I'm not so good at it."
"Well, you can sign a vehicle out and let one of your companions drive it if you like," the lady suggested.
My smile returned.  "That sounds great!  Uh, where do we go?"
She pointed at an elevator.  "Take that to the floor marked Garage.  Pick any economy class vehicle you want, your wristband will assign it to you.  Just be aware you can only have one vehicle signed out to you at a time."
I thanked the woman, and eagerly moved towards the elevator, Mia and James in tow.
"Uh, Eris?" James asked.  "Where are we going?"
"To look at the cars," I answered without hesitation.
"But we haven't decided where to go yet."
We all piled into the elevator and I tapped the Garage button with a hoof.  "Um, well, I mean, we could go to New Monterrey, they have that Mexican restaurant-place,"  I suggested.  "It's not far from here."
"Yeah, but where do you want to go?  We could go anywhere, well I mean within reason.  But maybe like Vegas or something?"
"How about Disney World?"  Mia suggested.  "We could stay at a resort hotel, and after we try the rides all day, we can go home and you can ride my face all night!"
"Let me think about it," I replied noncommittally as the doors opened to the underground parking garage.
The room was huge and well lit, each parking space containing an inductive charger to keep the electric vehicles parked on them in ready to use condition.  I saw buses parked in one area, and closer to us a collection of white cars and vans with black ProteC lettering on their sides.  "Those must be the ones," I said, pointing with a hoof.  We moved towards the vehicles, and I looked with interest at the different kinds.  "Huh, what's this?"  I muttered, approaching a low-slung sports car.
"Aww man, a Tesla street rod!"  James exclaimed, rubbing his hands together.  "Let's try it!"  He held out his arm to the car, and frowned as a red X beeped on his holobracelet.  
"Access denied," the device spoke softly.  "You are not authorized to activate a personal vehicle."
"Here, let me try," I suggested.  "I'm the one who has authorization for-"
"Access denied.  You are authorized economy class vehicles only."
I tried again.
"Access denied.  You are-"
I dropped my hoof back down.  "Well.  So much for that.  What do they mean by 'economy' anyway?  Aren't all these vehicles electric?"
"I think they mean cheap to purchase," he replied, somewhat sourly.
We moved away from the expensive vehicle, James casting back a gaze full of such regret that it was almost comical.
"Buck up, honey,"  I said, patting his arm with my hoof.  "We'll find something good."
Past the small collection of expensive cars, we found a swarm of tiny compacts.
"Ugh, these only seat two people,"  James frowned.  "This sucks."
I frowned as well.  "There's gotta be something."
"Hey guys, try this one?" Mia called from behind a pillar.
James and I hurried around it, heading towards her voice.  As we cleared the pillar, we were greeted by a large white recent model hybrid electric SUV.
"Ohhh," I gasped.  "Please let this work."
I swung my bracelet at the door handle, and it unlocked with a friendly click.  "Yes!"  I quickly climbed up into the driver's seat.  James waved Mia to the front and got into the back seat behind me.
The holographic dash interface came alive as I settled in behind the steering wheel.  "Welcome, Eris Sky," the display flashed at me.  Then, "Register Additional Drivers?  Y/N."
I tapped Yes, then made James and Mia sweep their bracelets as well, enabling them to drive the vehicle.  Once this was finished, I sat back in the chair.
"Are you gonna drive somewhere, babe?"  Mia asked me.  "What do you want to do?"
I put a hoof to my forehead.  "Ah.  You know, I don't really have a preference, but..."  I trailed off as an idea occurred to me.  "Uh, Mia?  How would you and James like to visit Equestria?"
Her eyes grew bigger than I thought possible.  "R-really?  We could do that? But access to the Gate is restricted, we can't-"
"I have full access," I interrupted, grinning.  "I have authority to bring both of you as my guests, any time I want to."
"Really?  Oh, Eris!  Yes!  Please!"  She leaned over the center console and put her arms around my neck, strangling me with happiness.  "You're the best!"
"Blerk," I said, patting her gently with my hoof.
"Oh, I'm sorry!"  She released me quickly.
"It's okay," I gasped.  "James?  Are you okay with this?"
"Hell yes I am," he answered, vehemently.  "When do you want to leave?"
"No time like the present."  I glanced nervously out the windshield at the terrifyingly congested parking garage.  "But maybe you can drive?"
"Sure.  Change places with me."
James got out of the truck, and I crawled between the front seats and into the back.  While I was worming my way back, James opened the driver's door and groped my ass.
"Hey!"
"Sorry, I couldn't resist.  That tiny skirt is too powerful when it rides up your tail like that,  babe."
I giggled.  "Well, if you put it that way...  But we need to get lunch first.  I'm getting hungry."
"Okay.  Wait here, I've gotta go grab something.  Ten minutes."  He closed the door and took off, walking briskly back towards the elevator.
"I wonder where he's going,"  Mia said curiously, taking her boots off and replacing them with heels from her backpack.
She left the boots sitting on the floor panel, tucked up under her seat.
"Maybe he needs to use the bathroom?"  I mused.  "When you gotta go, you gotta go."
We waited for about twenty minutes before James reappeared, dragging a large black  wheeled locking case behind him, which he pulled around to the back of the truck and began trying to lift into the back hatch door.
"Took you long enough," Mia said, leaning around her chair.  "What is all that, anyway?"
"Party favors," James winked, and slammed the rear hatch shut.  He came around the driver's side and hopped into the seat, pressing the power button to bring the vehicle online.  The holographic readout flicked on while he turned to us.  "You girls belted in?"
I quickly slid into the middle position of the back bench seat, pulling the belt across my shoulder and waist to click into the latch.
"I'm good."
"Then let's roll!"  He pushed the accelerator and the heavy electric hub motors hummed to life, driving us almost silently out of the garage and towards my homeworld.
> Chapter 19:  Homeworld
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------




(Art by Sugary Violet)


James steered the SUV down the final curve heading into Gate Valley.  The lake spread before us, holding the massive dome of the Gate facility in its center.
We slowed at the bridge, where an additional automated security gate had been installed.  James pulled slowly forwards until the robot approached our vehicle.
"Identification, please."
James held up his wrist band, and the robot stared at his face, scanning his retinas.
"James Ruttege.  You do not have authorization to enter this facility-" the machine began.
"Hey, over here,"  I called, leaning out the back door window.
The machine looked at me, then rolled over.
"Identification, please."
I held up my hoof, and waited while it scanned my wristband and eyes.
"Eris Sky.  You are cleared for entry.  Do you wish to register other vehicle occupants as guests?"
"Yes."
The machine leaned closer, scanning Mia as well.  It then rolled back.
"Three occupants registered.  Have a nice day."
"That's the exact same thing the last robot did five minutes ago," Mia grumbled.
"Multiple layers of security," James said.  "This is still a wide area.  If something or someone got past the perimeter fence, then now they'd be faced with another gate or a swim."
The gate lifted and we drove onto the bridge.  Several weapon turrets mounted at the far end confirmed that it had been turned into a security kill zone.  As I looked further, I could see turret emplacements overlooking the entire lake from around the base of the dome.  ProteC was evidently doing their part to protect Equestria from unwanted visitors.
As we neared the Gate, we entered a traffic queue.  Construction equipment, cement mixers, trucks full of steel girders, and several buses waited in line to use the Gate, filling the room with the heavy growl of large diesel engines and the intermittent squealing hiss of air brakes.
"They're building a lot of new stuff on Equestria side,"  James commented.  "I've heard about it.  Like a facility to house the Equestrian side anomaly, roads, that kind of thing."
We inched along, watching traffic heading back down the road towards the main ProteC campus as well.  After several minutes we reached the final checkpoint, where human and Equestrian guards carrying slung rifles checked our identification and biometrics a third time.  Once we got the hand wave from them, we were cleared to enter the Gate facility itself.
Now that we were past the final ID check, things moved faster.  James took us slowly under the edge of the massive dome, and we followed behind the tail of a dump truck.  I looked around the big circular room, noting the armed guards and some mounted weaponry.  Traffic lights had been installed to prevent vehicle collisions at the Gate anomaly just ahead of us.  As I watched, they turned yellow and the dump truck ahead of us hit the gas, rumbling into the Gate anomaly in a burst of diesel smoke.  James brought us to a halt at the red light.  Seconds later, a semi tractor materialized and headed into the outbound lane, dragging an empty flatbed trailer behind.  A van, two pickup trucks, a car, and a bus rolled out afterwards and continued on past us.  The anomaly stayed clear for a few seconds, then our side turned green, and we hummed into the Gate itself, approaching the shimmering anomaly field.
I could see both James and Mia were nervous as we neared the trans-dimensional rift.  I leaned forward in my seat and put a hoof on both of their arms.  "Relax you guys.  It's easy."
"Guess we're about to find out," James replied, gripping the steering wheel.
We rolled against the bubble-like field of fluidly shimmering energy, and it engulfed our car.  Once again I felt the falling sensation in the pit of my stomach, and light flickered around us as though the SUV had suddenly become a submarine, sinking into a tropical ocean under an alien sun.
Then our tires rolled onto a concrete pad and we were through, driving out of the Gate anomaly and into a busy construction site.  Men and ponies in hardhats bustled about while heavy equipment rumbled, pouring concrete, lifting girders, and constructing the building around us.  A chain-link fence had been placed around the perimeter, and I saw numerous armed guards both at the fence line and roving through the site, providing security for the workers.
"That's it?  This is Equestria?" Mia asked, staring out the windows eagerly.
"Well yeah, but it just looks like a forest here, and well this is an industrial site so you can't even see much of that yet."
"But we're on an alien planet!  I have no idea how far we are from home.  This is Equestria!  Oh Eris, I've dreamed about this moment for years and years and-"
I leaned forward and put a hoof on her shoulder.  "Relax, sweetie.  Just breathe."
Mia put her hand on top of my hoof, giving me a squeeze.  "Eris baby, I'm just so excited I want to scream!"
James was smiling, but in contrast to Mia's outburst, he stoically steered the SUV along the marked roadway, heading to a small collection of temporary trailers near the Everfree Forest security gate.  We paused there to use the temporary currency converter ATM, exchanging virtual US dollars from our bank accounts into Equestrian bits.  I hadn't received my first paycheck yet, but the retainer bonus ProteC had given me for signing on was enough to cover any expenses I might incur, and then some.
"Huh.  These always look like gold in the show," Mia said curiously, gazing at the variously colored metal coins in her hand.
"Well, gold is kind of a precious metal here too.  Copper and brass are commonly used for coins."  I shoved my pile into a small coin purse, then stuffed that into my own little backpack, which I chucked in turn onto the back seat of the truck and scrambled in after.  "You guys ready?"  I called out, latching my belt.  "I'm starved dead!"
James and Mia quickly got back in and we headed for the Everfree security gate, which had a sign posted on it.


WARNING!
EVERFREE FOREST
HAZARDOUS WILDLIFE
KEEP DOORS AND WINDOWS CLOSED UNTIL ENTERING PONYVILLE JURISDICTION.


The men and Equestrians at the security shack opened the motorized chain-link fence, and we drove out.  Outside the gate, the forest had been cleared back at least fifty feet, creating a standoff perimeter.  The road through the forest was paved in black asphalt, with additional cleared areas on either shoulder.  James pulled us out onto the empty road, then romped the accelerator, pressing us back into the seats.
"This truck has balls," he commented with a smile as the forest flashed by on either side of us.
"I like balls,"  Mia giggled, glancing away from the window long enough to run a finger up his thigh.  "Mmm."
"Hey, I'm trying to drive here!"
"Well do it later!  Pull over, I want to suck your dick."
"We just got here!  We haven't even gotten out of the forest yet!  You do realize that's how horror movies begin, right?  Driving down an empty road in a creepy forest, and then someone pulls over for a blowjob?"
"And I'm hungry," I added.
"You can eat my pussy," Mia suggested hopefully, stretching her seat belt and twisting around to look at me.  "Your tongue is longer than his dick anyway," she added with a sneaky sidelong glance at James, who simply ignored her comment, concentrating on the road in front of him.
I groaned and rolled my eyes.  "Okay, but later.  After we eat some actual food and find a hotel or something."
"Oh, fine, whatever,"  Mia grumbled, dropping back into her seat and folding her arms over her pert breasts in a pretend huff, her poorly concealed grin betraying her actual feelings.  "Spoilsports!  Grr, I should just take care of it myself right now."
I dragged my hoof down my face.  "Oh jeez.  Looks like you really are excited to be here, after all."
Mia giggled again, squirming in her chair.  "You have no idea, love."
"Right, because you totally didn't just tell us or anything."
James waved a hand.  "Pipe down, you two.  We're almost there!"
Mia and I both looked out the windshield as  the truck hummed on the blacktop towards the rise just past the edge of Everfree Forest.  As we crested the top, we looked down and saw-
"OH MY GOSH!"  Mia shrieked abruptly.  "IT'S PONYVILLE!"
If I hadn't been wearing my seat belt, I probably would have jumped through the roof.
"Mia!  Please!"  James yelped, holding his ear.
"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited!" she squealed, bouncing in her seat.  "We're really here!  That's Ponyville!"
I sighed and reached out to give her thigh a squeeze.  "Calm down, baby.  You're gonna make James crash and kill us all before we park.  And I don't want to die hungry."
"I'll try," she said in lower tones, although I could easily see she was shaking with excitement.  "Wow, I can see Twilight's castle!  It's beautiful!  And look at all the pegasus!  Pegasuses?  Pegasi!"
It wasn't the first time I'd seen this view, but I guess she was right, it WAS pretty, and it made me warm inside to see her so thrilled, once the adrenaline spike wore off.  "I'm glad you're happy, Mia.  There's a lot of things I'd like to show you."
"I can't wait!"
James slowed the vehicle as we approached Ponyville, driving carefully so as not to run over any of the ponies wandering about the streets.  "So, Eris, where are we headed?" he asked me as the rustic buildings rose on either side.
"I, uh..." I paused, not really knowing how to answer.  "I'm not from around here.  I'm not sure."  I looked out the window at the ponies going about their business, paying little mind to the white SUV crawling past them in the street, although a few did give us friendly hoof waves.  It's funny how quickly unusual things become routine.  Although I guess that includes me and my two humans.  Talk about taking the strange for granted.
"Eris?  You okay?"
I blinked.  "Oh, uh, yeah, sorry.  Well, I can ask somepony, I guess."  I unbuckled my seat belt, then rolled down the rear window and leaned out.  "Excuse me!" I asked a nearby pony.
"Oh, hey there.  How can I help you?" she replied, smiling as she turned to me.
"Would you happen to know a good restaurant around here?"


***


It didn't take very long to find the place the helpful mare had directed us to.  James parked the SUV in the street near the restaurant, a cheerful affair with both indoor and outdoor seating.  As it was an off time and well past lunch, the place was relatively quiet for the time being.  A few other ProteC cars and trucks were visible, also parked along the sides of the street.  Since Equestrians don't use vehicles like humans, there is not much in the way of parking spaces, so the few visiting cars are mostly just stopped along the edge of the street.
Once he switched the vehicle off, we pushed the doors open and got out, the doors locking behind us automatically when we closed them.  I stood next to Mia in the street while James walked around the truck.  She looked tall in her red heels, and her miniskirt barely reached below her panties, making her legs look even longer than they already were.
Ponies were openly staring at her on the street, and, to a lesser extent at me, since I wasn't nearly as exotic as the beautiful human female walking beside me.  Still, my own short skirt counted for something, and I felt a few eyes on myself as well.  Unlike humans, Equestrians have no nudity taboo.  Our tails do cover us somewhat, but nopony cares, regardless.  The closest thing I have seen to describe it is how African tribal women walk around with their breasts hanging out, and not a care in the world.  That's how Equestria is.  Nopony gives a crap about seeing each other's junk.  Well, until you put an outfit on like mine.  That changes everything, and to tell the truth I was a little embarrassed by the attention I received.  To tell the truth even further, my own embarrassment made me a little aroused.  Hey, I never claimed to be normal, and it seems like since I met James and especially Mia, I've been finding out things about myself that I never suspected before.
Anyway, when we entered the restaurant, several other human ProteC employees were seated at a table with their pony counterparts.  I smiled, it felt good to see other members of my company.  Being part of ProteC was more than simply having a job, even after such a short time I had the sense of belonging.
One of the humans at the table spotted me staring and gave me a nod, the kind of acknowledging gesture one reserves for a teammate.  I wondered briefly how he knew I was a ProteC employee when I had my ARHUD in my backpack, then I remembered the wristband and the pistol on my belt.  Not too many Equestrian civilians wore Glocks.  Feeling stupid at my own dimwitted train of thought, I gave a quick hoof wave and a dorky smile before directing my attention to the hostess waiting to seat us.  "Um, yeah, just the three of us."
"Right this way, please."
She led us to a small circular table near the window, where we could see outside easily.
She placed three menus in front of us, then took drink orders and bustled away.
I glanced out the window, noting the sun hanging low in the sky.  "It took us awhile to get this far, didn't it?" I mused.
Mia let out a small sigh.  "But it was totally worth it.  This place is amazing."
I grinned.  "It's pretty nice here.  You know, I never spent time in Ponyville before."
We all looked out the window.
"It's very picturesque," James finally commented.  "And at risk of sounding sappy, I can feel the magic in the air."
"That's quite literally true," I replied.  "Magical permeates everything here.  It's almost like the hydrogen that fills the gaps in your world.  It's a basic component of matter itself."
"I don't see how that works."  James leaned his chin on his palm, staring intently at me.  "I mean, don't you generate magic?  Is that different from the other magic around us?"
"In a word, yes.  All ponies generate magic, as you can see with the telekinetic hoof grip we use.  Unicorns in particular  generate more and additional types, which we can direct, concentrate, and control using our horns.  The environmental magic has many varieties and properties, in fact natural magic is as complicated as chemistry is Earthside, if not even more so."
"You mean the combination of magic and science."
"Yes.  See, because magic is infused into all matter here, it's natural that magic and science are inseparable.  Our study of magic is not like the dark demonology and witchcraft of Earth.  Gosh, the things called 'magic' on your world are terrifying to me."
"I don't blame you," Mia interjected.  "I avoid such things on Earth."
"As well you should," I continued.  "The magical energy we use is a force of life, not of darkness and evil.  That's probably why we are effective against the monsters.  Their power is purely destructive."
"You know, I've wondered why Discord hadn't helped more,"  Mia said thoughtfully.  "I always thought he's basically a god in the show."
"Ah, Discord.  Yes, he did try to help in the beginning, but apparently his chaos magic is easily converted by creatures of darkness, or so I've read.  As to his being a god, well, he is immensely powerful, but you'll find your show exaggerates some things.  I'm not the best pony to ask on the subject though, I only know what I've read.  I've never actually met Discord or any of the so-called 'Mane Six' myself," I said, resting my muzzle on my hooves.  "Although I have seen Princess Twilight here and there about Canterlot from time to time.  And maybe Rarity, I'm not sure, I never talked to them."
"I wonder if we'll meet any of them," Mia said.
"I don't know.  Think about it though.  There's only six of them, and a growing group of millions of human fans, pretty much all of whom want to meet their favorite ponies.  It's not feasible."
"Unless they join ProteC," Mia grinned.
"Yeah.  And no guarantees there, this isn't exactly an easy job," I said thoughtfully.  "Hell, we almost got ourselves-"
Mia reached out and poked my nose, making me go cross-eyed.  "Boop.  That's enough of that kind of talk, babe.  Let's forget work for a while and live in the moment, shall we?"
I smiled back at her.  "Yeah.  So, um, I heard the manicotti is good here, and has lots of cheese!  What do you think?"
"I think you look the cutest when you're smiling like that, Eris."
I felt my cheeks get hot.  "Aww."
"And pasta sounds delicious."
"How about we get the large pasta sampler, and we can all share some?" James suggested.
"Ohh!  Good idea!"
"Are you folks ready to order?" the waitress asked us politely as she returned and began passing out our drinks.
"Extra large pasta sampler for three, please!" I stated grandly.
The pasta was amazing.


***


Sunset was approaching by the time we found a quiet inn on the outskirts of Ponyville to hole up in.
I had thought it might be a little awkward for the three of us to rent one room, but the desk clerk showed absolutely no surprise at our getting a room with a single large bed.  He even cheerfully gave us a ProteC discount, which made me wonder how often groups like ours showed up.  Regardless, we were all happy to have a place to relax.
The room was on the second floor and quite large, offering plenty of room for the three of us.  And the bed was huge and inviting.  James shut the door behind us, and we dropped our small bags and packs on the table and floor.
"Well, now what?"  James asked, plunking down in a small chair.
"I've got an idea," I said.  I set my pistol belt on the table next to James, then padded across the rug and dropped onto my back in the middle of the big, soft bed, looking up at Mia.  "Hey you.  Come here."
She unlatched her belt as well, placing her weapon next to mine, then clicked over in her heels, standing next to the bed and gazing down at me with a small smile.
"Sit down," I demanded, tugging at her little skirt with my hoof.
She did, looking at me curiously, then she took off her heels and put her feet up on the bed, stretching out beside me.  We both stared up at the ceiling for a moment.
"If you keep this up, I'm going to put my tongue in your ear," she said calmly, softly poking the ear in question with her finger.
"I did make you a promise,"  I giggled, my ear flicking around involuntarily from her tickling.
"Oh?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I rolled and straddled her, reached up under her skirt and grasped her panties with both hooves.  I pulled them down her creamy thighs, exposing her shaved pink pussy, then I leaned down and flicked my tongue against her flat stomach.
She inhaled sharply.  "Babe?"
I gently put a hoof over her mouth.  "You've done a lot of things to me.  It's time for me to do some to you," I whispered.
Her eyes batted at me, then she smiled, putting her hand on the back if my head and pulling me in for a kiss.  "You're the best, Eris."
"It's nice that somebody thinks so," I replied,  carefully tugging her panties down past her feet with my magic.  I then pushed her tank top up with my hooves, exposing her small breasts.
"So cute,"  I breathed, placing my muzzle on her left boob and sucking gently while I flicked my tongue against her nipple.  She sighed and put her hands on my neck, stroking me up and down.
I worked my way over her body, licking her belly button, her inner thighs, all the way down to her feet.  "You've got cute toes,"  I told her, inspecting her foot.
"What are you doing, fuzzpoof?"
"Oh nothing," I replied, placing her foot in my mouth and sucking on her toes.
"Eris!  Hey!  That might be dirty."
"Not anymore,"  I giggled, and ran my tongue all over her foot, holding her ankle in both hooves so she couldn't pull back.  She finally stopped trying, and I could tell by the tension in her body that my tongue was exciting her.
"Eris?  Stop messing around and lick my pussy already.  You're driving me crazy!"
"Not yet.  I have to lick your other foot."
"Eris!  Come on-ohhhh!"
I tickled her sole with my tongue, then put it all over her toes.  She was squirming by the time I pushed her legs apart and crawled between them, leaning down to smell her.  "Mmm," I said, giving her crotch a long slurp.
"Oh baby, please," she moaned.  "Please?"
I began licking her clit, dragging my long tongue up and down, pushing against her folds and tasting her wetness.
"Ohh.  Yes.  So good.  Oh baby, you're so good."
I teased and slurped her a bit more, enjoying her pleasure.  Then I slipped my tongue up inside her, pushing deep into her wet hole.
"E-Eris!  Oh honey that's so good," Mia gasped, her whole body twitching beneath me while she put her hands on the back of my head.  I kept exploring her with my mouth, my muzzle rubbing her pussy lips and clit, her juices making my face messy and slimy.
"Mmm," I hummed, fucking her with my tongue.  While I was working on Mia with my rump in the air, I felt someone pull my skirt and tail up over my back.  I wiggled my butt as James slipped his fingers inside my moist pussy, sliding them in and out.  Then I felt his lips sucking on my asshole, and it encouraged me to a new level of frenzied tonguework inside Mia.
"Eris?  Oh my!  Oh gosh!" she moaned, gripping the bed with both her hands.  I kept at it, shoving and curling, enjoying her taste.
"Ohhhh!"  she squeaked finally, her pussy trembling as her whole body tightened.  Liquid spurted up into my face from her hole, and I eagerly slurped it up, lapping at her with my tongue and swallowing every drop I could get.
"Baby, I came," she giggled, while I kept poking at her slit.  "Babe, stop!  It tickles!"
I growled, determined to get more.  I kept licking her frantically, giggling while she tried to hold me off.
"James?"  Mia called, laughing and pushing me back while I struggled to put my tongue back in her vagina.
"Yeah?"
"Can you do me a favor and wreck Eris's pussy?  I can't hold her off much longer."
I started to break through her defenses, my sloppy tongue slapping enthusiastically at her thighs as I wiggled in her arms.
"Help!" she squawked.
"Sure thing."  He grabbed me forcibly by the shoulders and dragged me off Mia.
"Hey!"  I complained, struggling weakly.  "I was busy!"
"Not as busy as you're gonna be," he scowled theatrically, shoving me down on my back.
"Oh my goodness," I gasped, laying limply on the bed while I looked up into his eyes, my skirt hiked up past my waist.  "What are you gonna do to me?"
"Guess."  He leaned over me, his muscular arms holding my forehooves down on either side of my head.  I felt his hard dick tapping against my wetness.
"Uh oh," I breathed into his ear, pushing my muzzle up beside his head.  "What is this, mister?  You think you can just-"
He pressed down on me, and his cock slipped into my dripping pussy with an audible squelch.
"Ohhh!" I squealed, falling back onto the bed and spreading my back legs as wide as I could, my eyes bulging out of my head.  "James!  Yes!  Oh my gosh yes!"
He grunted, ramming me powerfully and making me bounce rhythmically on the bed.  I lay on my back, my eyes rolling back helplessly while James pounded me, my forehooves still trapped under his powerful grip.  Wave after wave of pleasure poured through me, making me shudder every time his cock plunged home and bottomed out inside me.  I pushed my hips towards his, gripping him inside me, wanting him to fill me.
"Yes!  Yes!  Fuck me!  Oh my gosh, fuck me!"  I moaned.  "I need you inside me!"
I was aware of Mia laying on her side next to me, smiling as she put her finger in her mouth.  She then reached down and-
"Eeek!" I squeaked as Mia wormed her finger into my butthole.  "Ohhh!  Oh my goodness!"
Between Mia's finger in my ass and James's dick thrusting into me, I couldn't hold on any longer.  "Oh my gosh I'm cumming, oh baby I'm cumming!"
"Uh.  Me too," James gasped, straining hard against my body.  I could feel his throbbing cock buried deep, his hot jizz pumping inside me.  "Oh baby," I moaned.
MIa carefully pulled her finger out of my butt, which probably wasn't easy with James laying on top of me.  He then slowly rolled off and lay beside me on the opposite side, his arm cross my chest.
I sighed, then I noticed Mia staring at her finger.
"Uh, Mia?  Maybe you should wash your-"
She stuck it in her mouth.
"Hands?" I finished lamely, staring as she licked it clean.
"Mmm."  She slurped on her finger for a bit longer, then pulled it out, dragging it along her tongue before pressing up beside me.  "You look so cute when you're cumming," she giggled, nuzzling me, then she leaned over me for a kiss.
I wanted to resist for a moment, but then I gave up, closed my eyes, and let her kiss me, her tongue teasing mine.
Finally she lay back beside me.  "Eris, babe, even your butt tastes good."
I shook my head and snuggled up against her.  "What the fuck is wrong with you, Mia?"
"Hmmm," she hummed at me, contentedly ignoring my question.  "I really like it here, Eris.  Thanks for bringing me along."
I thought about it.  "Huh.  Well it never occurred to me to do otherwise."
"You could've cut us loose and come here by yourself to visit your family or something."
"I...  No way!"  I was appalled at the thought.  "I wouldn't do that to either of you."
James rubbed my chest.  "Well good, because I don't want to be hanging out without you guys, either."
"I'm honestly not in a hurry to see my family," I continued.  "They're nice, but a bit overbearing."
"How do you think they'd react to us?"  James asked.
I shuddered.  "They'd probably lose their minds if they knew the truth."
"Well we'll just play it cool if it ever comes to that," Mia cooed in my ear.  "We've always got your back."
"For sure," James added, squeezing me a little with his arm.
"Thanks, sweethearts.  But I'm enjoying just hanging out together.  I'd like to keep it that way.  I'm having more fun than I've ever had in my life, and I don't want it to stop."  I paused, feeling James's cum start to trickle out of my vagina.
"Um, and I think I might need a towel."
> Chapter 20:  Nightfall
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm scared!" I squeaked, clutching the steering wheel in what humans call a 'white knuckle grip', or I would have been, if I had knuckles.
"Just relax, there's nothing out here for you to hit.  Just let the truck drive itself."
I exhaled and tried to let my shoulders loosen a bit.  The gravel crunched underneath the tires as I crept along, barely pushing the accelerator pedal with my back hoof.  For a dirt road, it was relatively smooth.  ProteC had only managed to get the roads between Everfree and Ponyville paved, as well as part of the main drag to Canterlot.  Right now we were on a scenic side route through the hills, and I was behind the wheel.
"Remember how easily you drove the ATVs?" James continued in a soothing voice.  "This is even easier."
"But I can't see over the hood!"
"You'll get used to it.  Trust me."
We had left Ponyville at sunrise, and James had pulled over at the edge of town and put me in the driver's seat.  "It's important that you know how to drive well," he had insisted, standing outside my door in his Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts.  "And this is the perfect spot, now that we've got the road to ourselves."
"Okay.  I trust you."
"Good.  Now go a little faster."
I did as I was told, starting to panic as the truck edged towards the shoulder.  I swerved away.  Now the truck was heading towards the other side of the road.
"Take it easy, you're overcorrecting.  Just a little nudge."
I tried it. "Oh.  That's better."
"You're doing good, babe."
"Can I play music?" Mia said from the back seat.
"Uh, sure," I replied.  "Just nothing too wild, okay?"
Mia flipped through her collection using the holobracelet.  "Hmm.  Nightwish might be too much.  Steppenwolf?  Hmm.  Maybe I'll take you on a magic carpet ride later babe, heh.  How about Sia?"
I listened as music played through the stereo speakers, streaming from Mia's wristband.
I liked it, but the style sounded very familiar.  "I could swear I've heard her before," I muttered.
"Well, Sia played Songbird Serenade in the MLP movies," Mia said, holding her wrist out with a holographic image of the pony in question.
"Oh crap, I know her!" I said, almost driving off the road.  "Eeep!" I exclaimed, quickly pulling the truck back to center.  "I mean I don't like KNOW HER know her, but I know of her!"
"Interesting," James said thoughtfully.  "Almost like Twinners."
"What's a Twinner?" Mia asked, beating me to the punch.
"I've read a few books by Stephen King.  In The Talisman, he wrote about people who have a mirror image, much like a twin that lives in another dimension.  They're similar in ways, and often connected in some supernatural fashion.  The similarity you talked about brought that to mind."
"Well in this case, there's an intentional similarity included in the show," Mia responded.  "But that turns into a chicken or the egg question, doesn't it?"
"I do see odd implications," I agreed.  "Like, is Songbird similar to Sia because of the show, or something else?"
"Maybe it's because of the reality barrier," James interjected.  "The concept of a multiverse is at play, but if you've read Doctor Hardy's theory, we punctured reality itself, not simply another universe."
"What's the difference?"  Mia asked.
"I'm not sure," James admitted.  "But he seems to think it's a big difference.  Considering the Gate is his project, I do tend to give his opinion some weight."
The truck quieted as we chewed on that comment for a bit.
"I give up," I said finally.  "I'll leave it to the physicists, the mental gymnastics aren't getting me anywhere.  But hey, I'm staying on the road better!"
"You sure are," James agreed.  "Where are we headed, by the way?"
"Well, I figured we would go through Canterlot, and then maybe...  I don't know, what would you guys like to see?"
Mia looked at me thoughtfully.  "Hmm.  Well, this is all stuff you've seen before, right?"
"Y-yeah," I admitted slowly.  "But it's really fun to show it to you guys too!"
"But wouldn't it be more fun to see some things that none of us have seen?"
I considered that.  "Hmm.  Well, we could head further out to the frontier towns or something.  You never know what kind of stuff you'll see out there."  I looked at the battery charge gauge, which was still at ninety eight percent.  "Will the truck make it?"
"This model can get up to about five hundred miles off a charge," James replied.  "And as long as there is a place to plug it in somewhere along the way, we can have it topped off in an hour."
"We can be careful," I said.  "If we use about half the battery without finding power, we turn around."
"I doubt it will be an issue at all."  James tapped the dashboard.  "The roads here keep us going slow anyway."
He had a point.  Even the cobblestone roads were really bumpy.  We wouldn't be pushing the vehicle to top speeds anytime soon.
"So is everybody cool with that?  I asked.  "After we go through Canterlot, we strike for parts unknown."
"To boldly go where no man has gone before!" Mia intoned.
"Star Trek!" I exclaimed, excited to have gotten the reference.
"Look at you go," James said proudly, tousling my mane.  "You're impressing me."
I smiled, feeling warm inside.  "I am a humble student of the Internet, which has taught me that cats wear Pop Tarts and fly through the sky farting rainbows.  And now, onward to Canterlot!"  I pushed the accelerator harder in a sudden fit of bravery.  "Whee!"


***


The streets of Canterlot were, naturally, the busiest we had yet encountered.  I saw nothing but ponies pulling carts, many of whom eyed our vehicle curiously.
Mia had picked up a large bag of candy and chocolates at a random shop on our way through, and was now doing her best to make the rest of us fat.
"Ooh!  Hey you guys, try this one!"
"Mia, wha-" I opened my mouth and instantly had a chocolate jammed into it.  "...Mmmph!  Ummmph?  Mmm!"
She was right.   It was really good.
"Hey, look!"  I smacked, my teeth sticky with chocolate.  "A car!"
"Huh.  Haven't seen one of those in a while," Mia said with interest, gripping my seat and leaning forwards.
The white ProteC sedan was in the oncoming lane, approaching us slowly thanks to the heavy traffic.
"Is that?"
We all gaped out the windshield as the vehicle neared us.  Within were two ponies, the one in the passenger seat a deep blue while the driver was a creamy white.  Both wore ProteC baseball caps, their manes pulled through in ponytails.
"Oh my-" I began
"-Goodness!"  Mia finished for me.  "THAT'S PRINCESS LUNA AND CELESTIA!"
We all waved wildly out the windows.  Both the princesses were obviously curious about us as well, since we were driving what was probably the only SUV in town.  They smiled and waved their silver and gold hoofshoes energetically back at us as we passed each other.
"I wonder where they were headed?" James said as the car dwindled behind us.
"Probably Earthside, to ProteC Ecuador,"  I said.  "Usually they'd wear their crowns if they are hanging out in public, not those hats."
"I'm amazed I actually saw them," Mia said, her voice filled with awe.  "They're both so awesome."
"Yeah, they are pretty awesome," I agreed.
I continued driving through Canterlot.  We stopped once more on the outskirts to buy maps, some snacks, and drinks for our trip, and then we were off into places I hadn't seen before.  My confidence grew the more I drove, and after heading through the mountain passes I felt much more sure of myself.  The main problem we had was the loss of all communication capability a few miles beyond Canterlot.  The backbone network our ARHUDS, tablet phones , and bracelets relied upon currently only really covered the major areas around Ponyville and Canterlot, and without any orbital satellites, we were unable to use navigation features in the SUV or connect our gear to the Net.  We could still communicate with each other, however, thanks to the inherent mesh network capability of our equipment.  Not that it mattered, Equestria is relatively safe.  Oh sure, there are a lot of unpleasant creatures lurking around, but they tend to avoid ponies and civilization, and we weren't planning to go digging in the woods for them.  For the first time in weeks I wasn't worried about much, either.  Being on vacation with my two best friends was doing wonders for my nerves.
Mia and James were feeling it, too.  They asked me a lot of questions about things we saw along the way, and I was pleased to be able to answer them.  It's fun to share your knowledge with people you like.  I ended up driving for a very long time, although there was some amusement when Mia suddenly had to go to the bathroom at the side of the road.
"Don't wander off into the damn forest now,"  James warned.  "Eris?  Make sure she doesn't wander off."
If there's one thing that worries me in Equestria, it's the forests.  This one wasn't very thick, but I quickly got out of the car as well, standing guard over Mia while she squatted next to the vehicle.
"You can watch if you want, Fuzzpoof," she whispered to me.
"I, er, I ah, well..."  I blushed deeply.  "I'm just making sure nothing drags you off."
"Okay.  I don't mind."  She put her hand on me for balance, which made me feel even more awkward.
I couldn't help myself.  I sneakily glanced down at the trickling noise.
"You're looking now, though."
I snapped my eyes back up.  "No I wasn't!"
"Sure you weren't."  She placed her other hand on my body as well, her gentle touch teasing me.
I just scanned the trees, hoping my fur would hide the burning cherry my face had become.
"Um, did we bring any toilet paper?" she asked me after a bit.
"No, I don't think we did."
Mia grinned at me in a way that made me rather nervous.  "Fuzzpoof?  Can you help me out?"
I frowned.  "What do you need?"
"There's no toilet paper, dear.  You've got that lovely long tongue, maybe you could do me a favor?"
"What?"  I thought for a moment, then my mouth dropped open.  If my face had been a cherry before, now it felt like a raging inferno.  "Oh my goodness!  You want me to...?"
Her hands stroked my neck, gently urging me towards her.  "Come on.  Nobody will know."
"Mia, I, ah, oh my."  I licked my lips nervously, letting her pull me in.  I could already smell it so strongly that I could almost taste it.  "Oh my gosh, Mia.  Oh my gosh,"  I whispered frantically, shaking a little.  I closed my eyes as the smell increased, then, hesitantly, I began to stick my tongue out.
Some napkins fluttered down on top of my head.
"Mia, you're gonna give poor Eris a heart attack,"  James stated blandly, leaning out the passenger window over us.  "I found these in the bag with the egg salad sandwiches."
"Gee, thanks a lot."  Mia said venomously, scowling up at him and releasing me.  "Just what I wanted."
I sat down with with a plop and put my hoof over my face while Mia used the napkins.
Soon, she chuckled and leaned closer to me.  "You were really gonna do it, weren't you?"
"M-maybe?"
She gave me a kiss on the nose.  "I'd do the same for you, anytime.  Come on, love.  Let's get going."


***


The shadows were growing long when we finally reached a small town, many miles from any other landmarks.  The forest rose around us on all sides, but we saw the cheerful and welcoming lights of an inn and, a little beyond, a restaurant.
"It's very quaint here," Mia remarked with a smile.  "I've always been a city girl, but I'm loving this.  Can we stay here for the night?"
"I think that's a fantastic idea,"  I agreed.
"Let's hit up the restaurant after we grab a hotel room, okay?"  James suggested.
"Sounds good to me!"  I pulled the truck up to the little inn, gaining several stares from curious locals.  We got out of the vehicle, Mia still wearing her heels.  I was rather impressed by her ability to gracefully walk in them over some surfaces that were somewhat less than flat and solid.  She's a talented girl.
We obtained a room easily, my humans gaining a raised eyebrow from the pony behind the counter, but he did little else to indicate his surprise.  Since Equestria is full of all manner of differently-formed intelligent creatures, humans really don't pull as much attention as they seem to expect they will.  Their technology, however, does inspire curiousity.
Once we had dumped our extra stuff in the room, we went outside and across the intersection to the little rustic restaurant, which sat on the very edge of the dark, looming forest.  I could hear night birds chirping and insects buzzing in warm night air, and I couldn't help but smile as I walked between Mia and James, my happiness written plainly across my face, and echoed in theirs.
We approached the log-building restaurant, and a pleasent smell drifted over us.  James stepped ahead onto the wooden porch, where he held the plank door for both of us as we entered.
The interior was as rustic as the outside, cut log tables and chairs populating the warmly earth-toned decor of wood cuttings and oil lamps that brought an inviting flair to the busy establishment.  The hum of conversation quieted for a moment as we entered, the ponies inside understandably distracted by the appearance of three newcomers.  As usual, I saw numerous bulging eyes directed at Mia, her perfect alien form obviously making several stallions reconsider their defenitions of beauty.
The noise picked up again as a waiter came out from behind the long bar counter and approached us.
"Just the three of ya?"  she asked pleasantly.
"Yes, please,"  I replied.
"All right."  With a nod, she led us to a table and dropped some menus.
We ordered immediately, omelettes and pancakes.  "Breakfast for dinner!"  James grinned.  "A favorite of mine."
The food was ready remarkably fast, and as usual the flavors were top notch, something I love about Equestria.  Back in the Menagerie, Cookie's meals are good, given the materials he has to work with, but, as Mia and James agreed, nothing can compare to a country meal prepared in my own homeworld.
It had gotten quite dark outside by the time we finished our meal and began on dessert.
"It feels so good just to relax with you guys,"  I sighed contentedly, eating a piece of apple pie.
"Mmmhmm."  Mia licked her ice cream with gusto.
"You sure are talented with your tongue," I joked.
"Mmm, and ice cream isn't the only thing I like to lick, hey babe?"
I giggled, feeling a little moist between my thighs, and looking forward to snuggling up with her later.  "Trying to make me blush again, dear?"
"You look cute like that.  I can't help it!"  She took another lick of her cone, then we all jumped as the door banged open.
A pony staggered in and collapsed on the floor, his tan body bedraggled and muddy.  The door swung shut behind him.
We quicly stood from the table.  "Are you okay?" I asked, approaching him.
"Somepony please help me!" he begged wild-eyed.  "They took everyone!  My family is gone!  They-"
A strange slapping and dragging sound rose from outside.  It had the distinct air of something large attempting to be stealthy.
The pony's eyes widened, and he scrabbled backwards along the floor in abject horror.  "Oh no.  They're here.  They followed me!  Oh no!"
"Who's here?"  I asked, pulling my pistol out of the holster.
"THEM!"
With a crash, the window burst open behind us.  A thick, slimy dark tentacle shot in, flinging James across the room and into a table near the front door.  He fell to the floor limply and his pistol slid somewhere under the tables.  The other restaurant patrons let out terrified squeals, moving in a panic away from the window and hiding under tables.
"Shit!"  Mia stood tall in her heels, bringing her pistol to bear on the lashing nightmare appendage.  She leaned forward in a wide-stance two-handed grip and unloaded a volley of glowing bullets into the monster.  With a chilling screech, the tentacle withdrew, followed by a loud shuffling sound.
"James!"  Mia exclaimed. glancing towards him while still covering the window.  "Are you okay?"
"I'll get him!"  Dropping my pistol in the air and holding it with my telekinetic field, I rushed to James's side, setting my pistol on the floor and placing a hoof on his neck.  "He's just stunned, I think-"
Another huge boom exploded, and the door right behind me slammed into the wall.  I began to turn, and suddenly I fell on my face as my legs were jerked out from under me.  I looked back and saw a tentacle wrapped firmly around my rear hoof.  "Help!"  I yelped, my chest constricted with terror.  I clutched at the small cracks in the floor with both hooves, sliding further towards the door as I failed to find purchase.
"Eris!"  Mia shouted, rushing towards me.  She crouched between me and the door, and the room rang with explosions as she put bullet after bullet into the tentacle gripping me.  It loosened, and I scrambled forwards desperately.  "Thanks Mia, you saved me aga-"  
I looked back again, hearing a clatter behind me.  Mia was in the doorway, a tentacle wrapped around her waist and left arm, pinning it to her body.  She had dropped her pistol somehow, and now clutched the door frame with her right hand.  The creature was trying to pull her out, and she was hanging on for dear life.
"F-Fuzzpoof?"  she gasped, looking at me with eyes so full of fear and sorrow that my heart broke instantly.  "I-I... mmmph!"  Her eyes widened in desperation as another tentacle slid over her nose and mouth.
"MIA!  NO!"  I shrieked, flopping on the hardwood floor like a fish out of water in my panicked efforts to get on my hooves.  I managed to flip up and rushed towards the door, slamming three of my legs against the frame and grabbing at her hand with my right forehoof.  I felt her warm fingers slipping under my invisible ones and tried to grip them, but it was too late.  She shot backwards out into the fading light, and another tentacle immediately flew into my face and knocked me violently across the room.
I will never forget the silent terror in the eyes of my darling Mia as the darkness swallowed her that night.  It is an image that was burned forever into my mind, and in that moment it tortured me beyond any pain I had ever before experienced.
I tumbled helplessly backwards, drifting for what felt like an eternity in slow motion through the air, the glittering reflections of her shimmering tears surrounding me in flight.
Then I crashed headfirst into a hard wooden table and unconsciousness claimed me.
> Chapter 21:  Where the Earth Meets the Sky
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Eris?"
Something wet dripped onto my face.  I groaned and opened my eyes.  "James?"
He had my head cradled in his lap, and I looked up into his tear-filled eyes.  "Oh no,"  I gasped, water welling up in my own as I remembered.  I reached a hoof up and gripped his shoulder.  "James, Mia's gone."
"I know,"  he replied, his voice breaking.  "Oh, Eris."
I snuffled and crawled up into his arms.  "How long has it been?"
"I don't know.  Five  minutes?  I went out to look for her, but I couldn't find anything, except this."  He held up one of Mia's cute red heels.
The sight of it stabbed me in the heart like a knife.  "Ohhh,"  I gasped, curling up and holding my chest in physical agony.  "It's my fault.  Why didn't I use my magic?  I should have done something!  And now she's...  she's..."  I sobbed hard, my entire body twitching.
James cupped my cheeks and pulled my muzzle against his nose, staring into my eyes.  "It's not your fault.  She's alive.  She has to be.  And we're gonna find her."
I stifled another sob, slurping back my snot and drool.  "Yes.  Yes we will.  Don't worry about me.  I'm okay,"  I lied.
"We need to go.  Now.  This guy is our only lead,"  James said, standing and pulling me gently to my hooves.
"H-hi," the new pony said when we glanced his direction.  "I'm Turf Dumper, by the way."  He looked like he was barely holding it together.  "Maybe we can find your friend and my family at the same time?" he added desperately, with an attempt at a grin that twisted his face into a horrible grimace of abject misery.
"We're gonna try.  Are there any other unicorns in town?"  I asked, trying hard to keep my voice even and failing miserably.
"It's a small farm town," he replied.  "Just some Earth ponies.  Griddle is a Pegasus, though."  the pony pointed at the restaurant owner.
"Sir?" James called to the Pegasus.  "Can you please get someone to take a message to Canterlot as fast as possible?  Tell them the situation, tell them ProteC security needs backup here."
"The Crystal Empire is a little closer," Griddle replied as he approached, his eyes serious.  "We could get word to Princess Cadance and Shining Armor.  That's what we would have done if you guys hadn't been here."
"Do it then.  Make sure they hurry, okay?"
"I will.  I'll go myself, I'm the only Pegasus in town.  And sir?  Good luck.  I hope you find the lady."
James paused a moment, steadying himself before replying.  "Thanks.  Good luck to you too."  He raised his voice and addressed the room at large while big eyes watched him from beneath tables and behind furniture .  "The rest of you, barricade yourselves in."
"But I want to help," a young mare said, coming out towards us.
"Do you know how to use any weapons?" James asked.
She shook her head.
"Then you can help best by staying here and helping out whoever arrives to back us up," James said.  "I'm sorry but we don't need more defenseless ponies running around in the dark, getting snatched up."
Reluctantly, the girl nodded.  "I understand.  But be careful."
"Like he said, you might want to barricade yourselves in," I reminded, pulling my ARHUD out of the small backpack I had left at our table.  "If they came once, they might come again."  I saw Mia's little backpack still sitting by her chair, and I picked it up with a sharp stab of sorrow.
As we left the restaurant with Turf Dumper, the scraping of tables being lifted over windows followed us, until somepony slammed the door shut and dropped a locking bar into place behind it.
I wished I had dropped that bar across the door right after Turf came in.  I wished I had just shut up and let the monster have me, instead of calling out and dooming Mia when she came to help my sorry ass.  I wished I could change a lot of things.  It felt as if the entire situation had been a series of my mistakes leading up to Mia's loss.
"We gotta go, Eris."
I sniffled and pushed the guilty thoughts into some dark corner of my mind to fester for later, then quickly trotted after James.  I had to believe she was still alive.  If I was wrong, there would be plenty of time for self-loathing as I miserably dragged through the rest of my hopefully short life.
We crossed the deceptively peaceful street, searching for any signs of the barely-seen attackers, but they had apparently vanished into thin air, or maybe the underbrush.
We soon approached the truck, and James headed straight to the rear to open the hatch.  He then reached in and tapped his wristband against the softly glowing red lock mechanism on the case inside, causing it to brighten and turn green with a beep.  The latches on the case released, clicking softly, and he pulled the top open, revealing a compact collection of weapons and gear.
"Party time," he said grimly, passing me a smaller version of a gun I'd trained on, as well as a glowing magic-enhanced magazine full of crystal-tipped bullets.
"What is this?" I asked, going bipedal and turning the miniaturized weapon over in my hooves.  Softly glowing crystals embedded under the forward heat shields winked out at me.
"It's an AR SBR."
"SBR?"	
"Short-barreled rifle.  Do you remember how to use the AR?"
"Yes.  We trained on it when I first arrived at ProteC."  I snapped the magazine in and yanked the charging handle, clicking the fire selector to safe.  The electronic modifications on the the gun activated, and my ARHUD instantly synced with the weapon.  A digital ammo counter in my field of vision jumped to 100.
"It's the same thing, just smaller."  He reached back into the truck,  leaning on his hand, his holobracelet glowing gently near my face while he passed me an ammo belt with additional magazines.  "Turf?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you know how to handle a gun?"
The pony blinked at us both.  "I, uh, I've never held anything like that before.  Sorry."
James looked at me, and I sighed.  "Is there just a flashlight or something in there we can give him?"
"Yeah.  Here."  James held out a small object.
Turf accepted the light, a belt, then a large sheathed knife James tossed him.  "Okay.  This works."  He put the gear on.
I continued to stare at James's wristband while I slung my midget rifle and belted the gear around my body.  Something clicked in my head after a few moments.  "James?  I have an idea!"
"What?" he asked, sliding glowing magazines into ammo pouches on a satchel carrier he had pulled out of the box.
"She was still wearing her bracelet!  Can we track it?"
"I didn't think of that.  I don't think so though, there are no GPS satellites here.  Wait.  Maybe a ping triangulation between our three bracelets?  Eris!  You drive!  I need to set up the tracking."
We slammed the back hatch and ran for the doors, jumping in and slamming them as well.  James sat in the passenger seat, tapping through menus on his holobracelet as fast as he could.  "Come on, come on!"
Turf climbed into the back seat.  "Guys?"
"I've got a ping!" James exclaimed.
"Where?"
He frowned.  "Shit.  We're too close together, Eris.  It just sees us as one point.  It can't triangulate.  I'm just getting a signal strength pulse, that's it."
"How far apart do we have to be?"  I asked, glaring at my own bracelet.
"I don't know, but we don't have time for it, the signal is fading fast."
"Guys!"  Turf said again, more insistently.
"Yeah?" I looked at his reflection briefly in the windshield as I prepared to start driving.
"I think we should head towards my farm.  I think that's where they come from."
James and I looked at each other, and he nodded.  "Better than nothing."
"Okay.  Guide us, Turf."
"Alright.  Go that way."  He pointed a hoof, leaning forward between our seats.
"Got it."  I stomped the accelerator and we took off, bouncing on the rough road while we travelled as fast as I dared.
"Signal strength is increasing," James said after a few seconds.  "We're going the right direction!"
"Should we try to call her?"
"No.  We don't want to draw that creature's attention to the one thing connecting us to her!"
"Right."  I squeezed my butt as we slammed over rocks and gravel.  James grabbed the little handle over the passenger window, but made no complaint.  Turf was banging around wildly in the back.
"Put your seat belt on,"  James called to him.
"Ooof.  Ugh!  This thing here?"
"Yeah.  Click it over your lap.  Yeah, like that "
"Thanks.  Turn left at the tree!"
The vehicle skidded and rocked as I followed his directions, veering around the corner and accelerating down a dark a tree-lined road.  The powerful headlights speared ahead, illuminating the endless tunnel of leafy vegetation, and I pushed the vehicle as fast as I dared on the bumpy unpaved  surface of the country road.
"Eris!"  James yelped suddenly.  "We're getting closer!  I've got telemetry data loading from her wristband.  There's a heartbeat, Eris!  She's alive!"
My heart spiked in my chest, and tears threatened to obscure my vision again.  Oddly enough the knowledge of her survival brought all my repressed emotions right back to the surface.  "We have to save her,"  I said.  I blinked rapidly and focused on the road, racing through the shadows with Turf's navigation.
"Shit,"  James said a few seconds later.  "The signal just cut off completely.  I'm not getting anything now.  Not even a ping."
I grit my teeth, trying not to let the implications of that grow in my imagination.  "Which way, Turf?"
"Keep going straight!  It's not far now,"  he said.
The wind had picked up by the time we reached Turf's farm and pulled up to a stop in front of the dark, single-story house.  I could see the front door stood open, swinging in the breeze. The effect was intensely creepy.
James opened his door and stepped out, his Hawaiian shirt flapping in the surprisingly warm air.  I shoved my door open and exited as well, my mane waving slightly but the ARHUD goggles protecting my eyes from the wind.  I jumped as the screen door on the farmhouse slammed into the wall in a strong gust.  Even from here I could see the broken windows, shattered wooden railings, and trampled flowerbeds around the wood-sided home.
"Turf!" I said, my voice raised.  "Where do we go from here?"
"Follow me!"
Leaving the truck where we parked, James and I switched our powerful weapon lights on and followed Turf around through the small flower garden and into the backyard.  There were signs of large creatures having moved through, snapped off saplings and a wrecked picket fence.  I could see images in my mind of Turf's wife and family screaming as the tentacles dragged them out the shattered windows.  Poor guy.  I glanced at James, his mouth set in a grim line, and his determination gave me strength.
We continued on, passing through the yard and entering the thick treeline beyond, where we pushed forward, forcing our way through brush and stepping over vines.
"How much further?" I asked eventually.  The dark forest was making me nervous.  At least the wind in the trees made plenty of nose to cover our talking.
"We're almost there."
"What are we looking for, exactly?  It's pretty hard to see out here."
"Trust me, we won't miss it."
He wasn't exaggerating.  Eventually as we trudged into the woods, our lights picked up an obstruction.
"What the hell?" James said, playing his weapon back and forth.
In front of us, a slanted wall of dirt and rocks rose towards the treetops, stopping just short of the crown.  It continued left and right as far as we could see.
"I found this when I was looking for my family," Turf said.  "I had gone after them alone, and seeing this snapped me back to reality.  I knew I couldn't deal with whatever made this, so I ran for town when I found it.  I don't know for sure, but I think something dug a hole, maybe."
"A pretty big one, from the looks of it," James agreed, staring at the huge pile of earth.  "And it appears whatever did it is intelligent enough not to pile the dirt above the treetops and attract attention with the sudden appearance of a new mountain."
"I think we need to go up."  I slung my SBR, then moved towards the steep slope and began climbing, using the trees to assist.  James and Turf joined me almost immediately, and we carefully crawled up, the loose rocks and dirt making progress difficult.  Regardless, I reached the top within a minute or two, where I quickly found vision was somewhat obscured by the treetops being directly on eye level.
I leaned back over and offered my hoof, pulling up James, then we both helped Turf Dumper.
"I guess we just head deeper in,"  James said.
I pulled my weapon off my back, holding it in my forehooves and standing erect next to him.  Walking side by side, we pushed through the trees for what seemed like several hundred feet.  It felt like we'd been shoving past the branches for quite a long time.
"Do you guys have any idea what we're looking for?" I finally said, glancing behind me for a moment.
"Eris!  Watch out!"  James hissed urgently.
"Wha-?"  My head snapped around, just as I stepped out into empty space.  I couldn't stop myself, and I pitched forward into nothingness with a shrill squeal of terror.
> Chapter 22:  Deeper
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ohhhh crap."  I was at the brink of a steep slope, probably ten or fifteen feet high, with some large rocks at the bottom.  While most likely not fatal, it certainly would have been a painful faceplant if James hadn't caught my tail as i went over.  I teetered on the edge for a moment, then he gave a hard yank and we tumbled backwards.
"Th-thanks," I gasped, laying across his chest.
"Anytime."
We scrambled to our feet, and this time I stowed my weapon and stayed on all fours, peering down into the pit while James swept the light around.
The crater stretched far out, and I didn't see any treetops here.  I guessed it had perhaps been a clearing, before the removed earth buried it.  The area was devoid of movement.  Whatever had made this artificial plateau was nowhere to be seen.
"See those holes?" James asked, pointing.  "I'm guessing we lost her signal when she was taken underground."
I looked, and sure enough there were deeper tunnels heading down into the artificial hill not far from where we stood.  "Looks like they've closed up shop for the night.  I'm guessing that's where we need to go, though."  I stepped carefully down the slope, my four hooves giving me reasonably good purchase when I moved with caution.  James slid down next to me, both hands braced against my body.
"How do we know which tunnel to try?" I asked when we reached the bottom.
"I have an idea about that," James said.  He moved towards one of the holes, shining the light around the edge. It had to be at least twenty feet in diameter.  He eventually shook his head and moved the the forty feet to the next tunnel, staring at the ground.  "There!  See?"
I came up beside him and looked at the ground.  Spots of green slime glowed under our light beams.
"Mia shot that thing up pretty good at the restaurant," James said.  "Looks like it's bleeding.  Shall we?"
I looked at the hole, and at the giant mound we were standing on.  "Um.  You know, I just realized.  What other creature do we know that builds stuff like this?"
James frowned.  "Prairie dogs?"
"I was thinking of ants.  It looks like an anthill."
"Shit," James replied, with feeling.  "You're right.  It looks like a hive."
We all stared into the long, slanted tunnel.
"Do you guys have a plan?" Turf asked nervously.
I gulped.  "Uh..."
"Yeah," James replied.  "We're going down that fucking hole and finding our people."
We looked down into the hole again.  "If they really are like ants, we're in trouble," Turf said.  "They'll overrun us."
"You're right, of course," I agreed.  "But our partner is down there, alone.  I'm going to try, even if it kills me.  You don't have to come.  We will save your folks if we can find them."
"If you can't rescue my family, I'd rather die down there," Turf Dumper said, his voice suddenly ragged.
James put a hand on his neck.  "Hey.  Nopony is gonna die today, okay?"
Turf nodded mutely.
"Let's hurry," I said, starting down the incline.  I pulled my SBR out and stood on my hind legs, nervously sweeping the light back and forth.  The tunnel didn't descend too sharply, so I was able to keep my balance easily.  James stayed close beside me, and Turf followed slightly behind.
The walls of the tunnel were bare and ugly, the top coated with some kind of brown chitinous resin to keep the ceiling from caving in.  It was silent except for the sounds of our passage, deadened by the absorptive dirt all around us.  The passage continued without any junctions, twisting and curling as it descended.  My fear was humming in my ears, the constant expectation that I would round a corner and come face to face with some nightmare that would end us all in a horrible way.  I tried to ignore the bugs crawling along the walls.
The descent continued, deeper into the ground.  Despite my best efforts, the unease and tension was taking a serious toll on me.  "Hey, watch out," James said, pulling me to the side.  I looked up, and a massive spider looked back at me coldly from the corner of a dusty web.  The ugly thing was the size of a tennis ball.
I jumped and stumbled away from the menacing creature.  A wave of claustrophobia struck me, the raw tunnels of this hive affecting my subconscious in a way that the industrial passages of the Menagerie never had.  "Do it for Mia,"  I whispered to myself.  "I'd die for her.  I'd be buried alive for her."  It was true, but I was still terrified.  I choked down the rising feelings of panic with an effort of will, and I sank down onto my butt the dirt, unable to breathe comfortably and fighting the urge to run screaming back the way we had come.
"Eris.  Baby, calm down."
James had crouched down and put his arms around me, whispering into my ear.  "You're hyperventilating.  Relax.  I'm here.  If we die, it'll be together."
I focused on his words, trying to control.my breathing.  The raw panic subsided, and some of the tension leaked away.  I thought of Mia, cold and alone some where in this nightmare cave.  Or maybe she was already-
"I'm okay.  We have to find her," I said, refusing to allow myself to finish the thought.  Dreadful images of Mia's cold, gnawed corpse sprang unbidden to my mind, and I forced them out, focusing on the task at hand.
We continued forward, I have no idea how far we went.  It seemed to go on forever.  Finally we turned a corner and came up against a sort of door, a huge leathery sphincter blocking the entire tunnel.
We looked at each other.
"The asshole of Equstria," James said disgustedly, poking at it with the barrel of his SBR.  Whatever material the thing was made of, it appeared thick and unyielding.  "Let's see if there's a way to open it."
After several minutes of searching, we found nothing, with the exception of a narrow channel in the dirt wall a little distance from the base of the left side of the door.  It looked like a deep and small crack, rough and uninviting.  But it appeared there were no other options.  The door had resisted every effort at opening, even Turf's knife and a few bullets that ricocheted dangerously in the confined area.
"I can try and crawl through that little tunnel and see if I can open it from the other side,"  I finally said.  The idea frightened me badly, but I couldn't think of another way.
"Are you sure?  It looks kind of small," James said, laying down and shining his weapon light into the hole.  "It's pretty long too.  But I think I can see an opening down there."
I lay next to him and peered through  "I'll try.  It's the only thing I can think to do."
"I'll go," Turf suggested.
"I'm the smallest," I said, standing and looking at Turf's broad chest.  "You might get stuck.  It has to be me."  I crouched down, looking inside once more, then I took off my weapon and ammo belt.  There was no way I could crawl through wearing my gear without getting stuck.  I thought about taking off the little top and skirt too, but the material was very thin, and it seemed it might provide some slight protection from the hanging roots and small pebbles in the soil.
"Be careful babe." James kissed me on the mouth, quick but intense.  I was glad for it, I was already afraid and his embrace gave me some courage.
"Be really careful, you hear?"
"I will, I promise.  See you in a minute, love."  I lay on the ground once more and inched forward into the little passage, a soft glow from my horn helping me to see ahead.  It was barely more than a long cavity in the dirt, and I had to lay on my stomach and wiggle my body to slide forward.  I couldn't move my forehooves hardly at all.  The restriction was absolutely terrifying.  My claustrophobia came back rapidly as I pushed my muzzle into hanging roots and thrust myself forwards into the dark.  Falling dirt bounced off my ARHUD as I squirmed, gently reminding me that I could be buried at any time with no hope of rescue.  The deafening silence of tons upon tons of earth all around me closed in as I crawled.  The only sounds were my hitching breath, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, and the frightening sound of disturbed soil sifting over my face.  I couldn't even hear my rear hooves scrabbling behind me, the tight fit around my body blocked any noise from behind.
I tried to control my breathing, to think relaxing thoughts.  I had to be twenty feet in by now, well past James's ability to reach me if anything went wrong.  With no end in sight, I crept forwards.  I couldn't turn around or crawl backwards even if I wanted to.  I tried to focus on the end of the journey somewhere ahead, but the tunnel seemed to narrow, and I wasn't making progress.
I was stuck.
"No, no," I gasped.  "Oh please, no."
I tried to kick forwards, but my hooves just slipped.  I was beginning to have serious difficulty inhaling in the  tiny enclosed space, and the idea of suffocating to death in this little channel grew in my mind until I really couldn't breathe.  I tried to suck air in and the soil sifting into my mouth choked me.   Then my body tried to cough instinctively, but my lungs couldn't expand because the tunnel was too narrow, so I wheezed, painfully and ineffectively.  Terror and panic settled in as I struggled fruitlessly, and I felt a puddle of warm piss pooling between my thighs.  I began to cry, tears running hotly down my face.
"Eris?  Are you okay darling?"  James's voice came through my ARHUD.
"Can't breathe," I sniffled, with enormous difficulty.  "So scared!"
"You can do it.  Listen to my voice."
I tried, but in my mind's eye I kept seeing the ground caving in on me.  I keened in my terror, a long reedy sound of animalistic fear, and I lost control of my magic.  My horn light extinguished, plunging me into the eternal blackness that only exists in the underground depths.  The pressure of the earth above me crushed down on my soul in the darkness, driving me to the brink of absolute blind panic.  I was going to die down here in one of the worst ways I could possibly imagine, buried alive under endless layers of dirt while James watched my poor little back hooves drumming uselessly against the pebbles, kicking desperately until suffocation painfully ended my miserable life and stilled them forever.
I can't breath!  I can't breathe!  I can't-
"Eris?  Eris!  Talk to me baby!"
"Eeeeeeeeeee!" I whimpered, so panicked I could no longer speak words.
"Eris!  Mia needs you!"
Mia needs me.
I thought about Mia, down here somewhere in this hellish catacomb, maybe about to be devoured or worse.  Maybe she was even more afraid than I was.  I saw her pink hair billowing around her face, her hand reaching out for my hoof as that thing dragged her away into the night.  The deluge of emotion that immediately followed washed the fear for myself into the background.
"Grrrr,"  I growled into the ARHUD with primal determination.
"Good girl.  You can do it!"
Hold on, Mia.  I'm coming.
I lit my horn again and pushed forwards with new resolve, exhaling all the air from my lungs to reduce my size, then thrusting and worming through the soft earth.  I couldn't inhale again.  If I couldn't get past this constriction, I would die in minutes.  I inched forward, my lungs screaming at me to take a breath, but I knew if I tried and failed I would panic for real and that would be the end of me.  I kept worming forwards, and as my lungs burned in agony, blackness started to close in on my vision.  I was going to die.  I had failed, and this shitty tunnel would be my grave.  Rest in piss, Eris.
"I'm so sorry Mia," I whispered sadly as my eyes closed and I died from lack of oxygen.
"Eris?  What did you say?"
It took me several moments to realize that I had actually said something out loud.  I opened my eyes and snorted the loose dirt out of my nostrils as best I could, elated that I could now take shallow breaths, the foul-smelling air delicious beyond words to me
"James?  I'm almost there."
I kicked a few more times.  Finally my head popped out into the larger tunnel beyond the obstruction, and I instantly doused my light to avoid attracting attention.  I kept squirming until my body followed, desperately pulling air into my lungs but simultaneously trying to keep quiet.  I didn't want to get dragged off by something in the dark before I could open the portal for James.
"It's really dark here," I whispered.
"Use the infrared mode on your ARHUD," James replied.
Feeling dumb again for not having thought of that, I switched it on.  Instantly the tunnel I was in illuminated in grayscale, the small emitters on my ARHUD pouring out invisible light.  Invisible to humans and ponies, anyway.
"James," I said softly.  "Do you think the monsters can see infrared?"
"I sure hope not."
"Me too."  I crept towards the large sphincter door, looking for a way to open it.  I finally spotted a gross, squishy-looking organ dangling from some fleshy tube to the side.  I pressed it with a hoof, and it squelched revoltingly.
The door opened with a wet slurp, and I sank to my haunches again.
"Eris!" James rushed to me, knelt down, and threw his arms around my dirt-encrusted body.
I put my filthy hooves around him too.  "That was really scary," I moaned.  "I don't think I can ever do that again."
James held me close, and I felt relief in his embrace.  "I don't ever want you to do that again.  I can't lose you too, Eris.  I was about to freak out.  Those awful sounds you made.  It was like a hot knife in my guts."
"I-Im sorry.  You sounded so calm, though."
"If I didn't, I think you would have lost it.  And you shouldn't apologize to me.  You were very brave, boss lady."
"I peed myself."
"I would have, too."  He gave me a kiss on my dirty, tear-streaked muzzle.
Turf gave us a moment, staring nervously down the tunnel.  Suddenly he sucked in his breath and killed his flashlight, plunging us into darkness.
"Guys?" he hissed.  I could see his frightened eyes in black and white through my ARHUD as he stared blindly down the tunnel in the pitch blackness.
"Yeah?" James replied softly, activating IR mode on his ARHUD as well.
"I saw something coming this way.  Something big."
> Chapter 23:  THEM!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The thing coming down the tunnel ambled towards us, ten feet tall and filling almost the entire width.  I could see a wide body, with giant insectile legs below.  I didn't see eyes, but a lot of thick tentacles hung from what I assumed was the head.  Several were spread wide, tapping at the walls as it rumbled along.
"Any ideas?" James said tersely, keeping his weapon lights off but aiming the gun at the approaching monstrosity.
I tried to think fast.  A gunfight now might bring more of these horrors.  I had an overwhelming urge to run, to hide...
Hide.  Like ants. but no eyes.  Hide!
"Lay down,"  I stage whispered, forcing my paralyzed limbs to move.  "Lay flat along the side of the tunnel!"
I reached out and dragged Turf down on the right side of the passageway.  "Shush," I hissed in his ear.  I could see the raw terror in his eyes, and I remember he couldn't see a thing without an ARHUD on.  "Don't move a muscle."
I glanced to my left, and saw James laying on his stomach along the opposite side, staying as flat as possible on the rough floor.
The thing continued to approach, its huge, ugly bug feet pattering along beneath it.  I shook with fear when the evil tentacles passed over me, tapping away at the tunnel walls above us as the dark thing felt its way along in pitch blackness.  A hairy foot came down inches from my face, and I struggled not to scream.  More feet.  More tentacles.
Then it was past, continuing up the way we had come.  It paused at the door, and tapped the organic button, closing it.
We stayed put, breathing as shallowly as possible while the creature fooled around with the door.
Open.  Closed.  Open.
It stepped out, making a hissing noise, then came back towards us.  This time the tentacles at the rear end spread across the tunnel.  It slapped the control one more time to seal the door, hissed with an air of satisfaction, and trundled back over us in reverse.  As it tapped its way past, I realized the creature had no front or back.  Either end could perform either job.  The tunnel wasn't even wide enough for the thing to turn around in.
"How's that for a fucking heart attack?" James grunted once the hideous creature had vanished from sight.
I exhaled shakily.
"I think I almost died of fright," Turf said, groping around carefully in the dark.  I could see him staring into nothing.
"It didn't have any eyes," I observed.  "I wonder if we can use our lights safely?"
"I'd recommend we stay infrared." James tapped his ARHUD.  "Just because they don't have eyes doesn't mean they can't sense light.  At least we now know they can't see IR."
"We should have given Turf Mia's ARHUD," I said, regretfully.
"Wouldn't work," James said.  "It's locked to Mia's biometrics.  It won't work for anyone else unless she de-registers."
"Oh.  Well then.  I hope we don't have to lay in the dirt again anytime soon."
James paused a moment.  "Hey, wait a sec.  That's not a cheap flashlight.  See if it has a red vision saver mode.  That should keep it dim enough to use relatively safely."
I put my hoof on Turf's back, and he started in fright.  "Sorry.  it's just me," I told him.  "Let me see your flashlight, okay?"  He passed me the flashlight, and I toyed with it a moment.  A dim red beam shone out, illuminating the ground ahead of us.  Through the ARHUD it looked quite a bit brighter, but even without light amplification, he would be able to see with it, at least enough to keep from tripping over the rough ground.
I gave him back the light.  "There.  See that button?  That's the red light.  Just use that for now, but shut if off as fast as you can if we tell you, okay?"
Turf nodded.  I could tell he was grateful to be able to see at all.	
We continued carefully down the tunnel, following the same direction the monster had disappeared in.  After another period of descending, we came to a junction of several different tunnels.
James froze.  "Eris!"
"What's wrong?"
"Not wrong.  I'm picking up Mia's signal again!  it's very weak, but it's there!"
"Let's test the tunnels!"
"Wait."  James reached into one of his cargo pockets and pulled out a folding knife.  He then cut a strip from his nice Hawaiian shirt and shoved it under a rock at the mouth of the tunnel we had just come from.  "So we know how to backtrack."
"Good thinking."
We tested multiple tunnels, using the signal from Mia's bracelet to direct us.  After some frustrating trial and error, we eventually found one where the signal didn't fade as we proceeded.  Despite our fears, we were not harassed by the denizens during this time.
"Where did they go?" Turf wondered.
"Hopefully somewhere we won't run into them," James replied.
"Don't jinx us," I pleaded.
We continued to explore the maze of tunnels.  James's shirt was a tattered mess before long, and he finally took it off, exposing his muscular chest and cutting the remainder into a few more strips.  He took one long red strip and tied it around his forehead, just above the ARHUD.
"You look like Rambo," I said, remembering the movie character.
James grinned at me.  "Thanks.  You like Rambo?"
"I haven't actually seen the movie.  Just some pictures from it on the Net."
"We'll watch it together when we get back."
"With Mia," I added.
"Yeah.  Of course."
We continued onward and downward, eventually coming to a side junction that seemed bigger than the rest.  Turf took a moment to glance into the opening.
"Oh feathers," he gasped, backpedaling into the wall and shutting off his light, eyes round with fright.
"What is-" I started to ask.
Turf frantically waved his hooves at me to stop.
I shut up, then went to take a look for myself.  I poked my head carefully in, the infrared illuminators showing me a large room that had been cleared to have a relatively flat flooring.  The thing that interested me most, however, was the wall-to-wall crowd of tentacle-faced giant insect monsters that silently filled the room, so many I couldn't count them.
James came up beside me, inhaled sharply, and pulled at my shoulder.  Together we carefully backed away, grabbing Turf in the dark and walking as quietly as possible down the tunnel.  Other rooms opened on the right and left, each of which contained numerous shadowy forms.  Finally we reached a steeper downward incline with no more side rooms.
"Well now we know why the tunnels are so quiet," James said when we dared to speak again.  "They looked asleep to me."
I shuddered, thinking about those creatures between us and the exit.  "Let's hope they stay that way," I replied.  "There had to be hundreds of them in there."
Turf groaned.  "We need to hurry up and get out of here.  I don't think it'll be good if they wake up."
"Agreed."
We continued down this hallway, following it while it corkscrewed deeper into the ground.  A foul smell increased as we proceeded, the unmistakable odor of rot and death.  Finally, at the lowest point in the tunnel, it connected to another chamber through a three way  junction.  The other end of the tunnel continued on, rising upwards again until we couldn't see any further.
"Maybe this is the lowest level?" I mused, carefully stealing up to the dark opening alongside James.  The odor was so thick I gagged, a cloying miasma of unbelievable filth.  "Looks clear," I whispered after leaning into the huge area.  "I couldn't see very far, though.  It's huge."
"Well, let's have a look then."  He patted my neck, a reassuring gesture that smoothed my frayed nerves.  "Mia's signal is right on top of us."
"That smell.  I hope she's okay."
"She's fine," James insisted.  "Let's go get her.  But be careful.  Something died in here."
"A whole lot of something," Turf agreed, holding a hoof over his nose.
Together we crept quietly into a large cavern, Turf close on our heels.  The dirt underneath was soft and squishy, cleared of the rocks and debris prevalent throughout the rest of the tunnels.  The sound of dripping water was everywhere, and I could see some kind of white deposits scattered along the sides of the area.
Then I stepped on something and it crunched loudly.  I froze, my heart in my mouth.  When nothing happened, I looked carefully down.  I had stepped on a large bone.  James and Turf looked at it, then I realized the piles of white stuff around the sides of the room were bones.  Hundreds of them.  Thousands.  Hundreds of thousands.
"What is this place?"  I choked, my fear rising.  I carefully crept closer to one of the piles.  Turf shone his red light on it, and the eyeless holes of a skull stared back at me, some unfortunate animal that had probably been dragged down here and eaten.  Rotting strips of torn flesh hung from it, and moldy drops of putrescence stained the ground below.
I retched involuntarily, vomit rising in the back of my throat as we both backed away.  I spat a long string of puke out onto the ground, barely holding my dinner back.
"Babe?"  James touched my shoulder.
"I-I'm okay.  Come on, let's hurry."
We continued deeper, and soon came across a small pool of water with several dark objects around it.  We approached carefully, and I realized the dark objects were the heads and upper bodies of dead farm animals.  I recognized two pigs and a cow, their entire lower bodies reduced to skeletons where they entered the water.  Disgusting white maggots swam in the water, tearing the last strips of flesh from the bones.
"Larvae,' i said, realization dawning upon me.  "This must be part of the life cycle of these monsters.  I think this is a breeding chamber."
Horror washed over Turf's face.  "You mean...  Oh no!"
"Daddy?" a small boyish voice floated out of the darkness.
"Shh, don't make noise sweetie, we don't want the bugs to come back."  An adult female this time, sounding ragged with terror.
"But I heard Daddy!"
"Me too!" another little girl's voice chimed in.
We looked at each other, then we rushed urgently into the darkness towards the voices, Turf in front.  
"Celery!" he called, a little too loudly.
"Turf?  Oh no!  They got you too?"
"No dear, I brought help!"
We came to the edge of a pool.  A pretty but wet and bedraggled mare was in the water up to her shoulders, her hooves and neck tied down with some sort of hardened resin.  She blinked towards the red light, confused after being in the dark for so long.  Nearby two small foals were similarly restrained, also looking towards Turf's light.
Looking into the water they were partially submerged in, I saw a large floating stack of gelatinous eggs.  I could see the shadowy forms of the hungry worm larvae inside, moving about.
I focused my magic on their bonds, and quickly shattered them.  "Pull them out!" I said urgently.
We quickly dragged Turf's little family to safety.  "Daddy!  Daddy!" the foals cried.
"Keep them quiet!" I said to him.  "We aren't safe yet!"
He nodded, shushing the little ones with difficulty.  I turned to his wife.  "Did you see anyone else down here?" I asked her, realizing too late just how stupid a question that was in the inky darkness the poor pony had been swimming in.
"I heard another mare," she said.  "Her name was Mia.  She talked to us for awhile, but she got quiet after a bit.  Somewhere over there, I think."  Celery pointed off into the darkness.
"Stay here, Turf," I ordered.  "We'll be right back."
We moved through the darkness, keeping a little distance apart from each other to cover more ground, looking for another pond but afraid of what we might find in it.  Soon, around the base of a mound of boulders, I found what we were looking for.
"James!  Over here!" I hissed into the ARHUD.  I moved closer, looking into the water.
I saw Mia's top half.  Her eyes were closed, and my heart seized in horror as I realized her bottom half was completely gone below the water.  I froze, my mouth working silently.  A rushing sound began in my ears, my body started to drift away, and-
"Is she okay?"  James came up beside me, and his infrared emitters added another angle of light.
With a sudden crash of relief, I realized Mia was in one piece.  The refraction of the water had tricked me with an optical illusion.
"Mia!"  I wheezed as the awful tide of horror receded.
Her eyes flickered open, staring blindly into the darkness.  "Eris?  Is that really you?"
"It's me, darling.  It's really me."  I couldn't control the waterworks.  I was sobbing all over the place as I magically released her bonds.
James stood over us alertly, pulling on her arm with one hand, watching for danger as we helped our favorite girl out of the fetid water.  
"Oh my gosh.  Oh my gosh.  You guys found me.  Oh my go- Oh, ouch!  My legs are asleep!"
I used my hooves to pull her away from the water to safety.  She sat in the soft dirt next to me as I tried to pull myself together.
"There are others down here," she said.  "Children!  You have to help them!"
"Just relax, they're okay," I said.  "We got them free."
She sighed.  "I talked to them.  I think I fell asleep though.  I don't now how I could sleep at a time like this, but I did."
"Adrenaline crash," James supplied.  "It can make even soldiers in combat want to lie down for a nap in the middle of a firefight."  He crouched down and put a hand on Mia's cheek.  She blinked in the dark, putting her own hand over his while he kissed her quickly but lovingly on the mouth.  "Glad you're okay, sweetheart."
"I missed you both so much," she sniffled.  "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."
"Mia," I began.  "Oh babe.  I'm so sorry.  It was my fault this happened to you.  I could never forgive myself if-"
"What the fuck did you just say?"  Mia snapped at me, her eyes narrowed viciously, staring sightlessly towards the sound of my voice.
"I, ah," I hesitated.  I had never before seen Mia angry like this.  And never directed at me.  I was completely taken aback.  "I don't know?"
"You said it was your fault."
"I... yes, I did.  It was!  I should have-"
Mia felt about in the dark, then grabbed me roughly by the cheeks, pulling us together and snarling into my face.  "Don't you ever, EVER say some shit like that again, you little idiot!"
My mouth fell open in shock.  "Wha-?"
"Saying it's your fault!"  Her anger vanished abruptly as tears welled up in her eyes, and she let go of my face to put her arms around me instead.  "Eris, that monster dragged me down here.  I laid in this pool of water in the dark, listening to them shuffling around.  That awful queen thing farted eggs onto me.  I could feel the hatchlings in them moving around, making little popping noises as they tried to get out.  I thought I was going to be eaten alive.  I was so scared and alone.  But I never, not even once, blamed you!  So don't you dare blame yourself!"
Her tears poured out.  I put my forelegs around her too, her soggy tank top sticking to her wet body under my filthy, dirt-encrusted hooves.
"I knew I could die when I took this job," Mia continued.  "I didn't expect something like this to happen on vacation.  But, Eris, even if you tell me to do something and I die ten seconds later, please, please don't torture yourself.  I would never hold it against you.  I can't stand to imagine you punishing yourself like that!"
"I-I'm sorry," I sniffled.  "I just...  I love you so much."
"Oh dear.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to...  oh gosh.  I love you too."  She kissed me on the mouth, and for a moment I was lost in her arms, the sour taint of fear in her breath doing nothing to dampen my joy. Then I finally processed something she had said, and I reluctantly pulled away from her so I could speak.  "Mia darling, what was that you said about a queen?"
She shuddered.  "This huge, misshapen thing, hanging from the ceiling.  I could only see parts of it from where I lay, but I remember the tentacles, oh gosh a storm of them.  It put me in the pool, then it put this long hose thing in front of me and blasted me with those disgusting eggs.  You killed it, didn't you?"
"How do you know what it looked like?" I asked nervously.  I noticed I could see her better now, her pink hair matted and sticking to her face.
"Bioluminescence, I think.  Parts of her glow.  She.. it... lit the cavern up like..."  Mia looked at me, and I looked back at her, watching her beautiful eyes widen in fear under the gently rising illumination that slowly filled the huge cavern.  On the other side of a large pile of boulders, something enormous scraped and shuffled stealthily towards us, the sounds drifting down from the rocky ceiling.
"Oh, crap," I said softly.
> Chapter 24:  Shadow of the Queen
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------




(Art by Sugary Violet)






We cowered together in the rising twilight, Mia and I, watching with wide eyes as James scanned about alertly.  The slithering sound overhead gradually increased in volume.
I reluctantly unwrapped myself from Mia so I could stand beside James, readying my SBR and waiting fearfully for the queen to make an appearance.  While I positioned myself, Mia put a hand on my shoulder and pulled herself up next to me with a groan.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?" I asked her in low tones, trying to keep the tension out of my voice.
"Yeah, good enough as long as I can lean on you for a bit.  Give me your pistol, babe.  I don't have a weapon."
"Here."  I quickly reached down and released the pistol from my back holster, handing it to her.
"Thanks."  She pressed up against me, and we waited for the creature above us to make an appearance.  Odd shadows and light fluctuations came from above, along with the increasingly creepy slithering noises that made my fur stand on end.  But, despite the strange illumination, nothing appeared.
Then I heard Celery scream.
"Oh shit, it's after Turf!"  I squawked.  "Hurry!"
We rushed towards the sound of commotion, Mia leaning heavily on my shoulder still and holding the pistol in one hand.  As we rounded the boulders, I saw Turf crouched low in front of his little family, the knife held outstretched in one hoof and the flashlight in his mouth.
In front of him, hanging down from the ceiling on ridiculously long spidery legs, was the queen.  It wasn't anything like the drones we had encountered before.  This monstrosity had a body like a fat black pancake, with pulsing raised veins across the surface.  In a glaring difference from the other creatures, massive frog-like eyes blinked down, two at each end of the body.  Bundles of tentacles hung from below, and several mouths snarled along the rim of the squat body, seemingly placed at random.  Patches of what appeared to be glowing moss across the surface of the dark flesh released the glow that was now illuminating the cavern.  To make matters worse, I could see the telltale shimmer of a protective magic field around her.  Hopefully the imbued ProteC bullets would work as well as they were supposed to.
Stallion and monster faced off, his eyes narrowed with determination as he protected the mare and foals behind him, and the big, malicious orbs of the creature sizing him up while the three closest mouths hissed at him.
Then the massive tentacles began to weave towards Turf.
"We gotta do something!"  Mia exclaimed, raising her pistol.
"No, wait!  You might hit the ponies!"  I used my telekinesis to push her hand down.  "Just use your weapon lights!  Shine them in her eyes!"
I switched the light on my SBR on, and pointed it at the nearest eyeball.  The giant pupil constricted, and the tentacles reaching for Turf quickly altered trajectory, covering the offended organ instead.  Mouths opened to snarl in rage, and the queen forgot all about Turf in her sudden anger towards us.
"Well that worked," James observed as the giant hissing bundle of tentacles and hatred came swinging towards us menacingly.  "Maybe a little too well?  Jeez she's ugly.  We should probably shoot her or something."
"Lead her further away from Turf first," I instructed, tugging at Mia, who was shining the pistol laser directly into the queen's nearest oversized pupil.
"S'okay," she gently brushed me off and started moving alongside me.  "I can walk on my own now."
We ducked around the boulders and pulled back a bit, watching the lurching mess of ugly appendages follow us eagerly but tardily.
"Good thing she's kind of slow," I commented as we waited.  "Once she clears that edge, blast her."
We waited a few moments longer,  then the creature peeked around the rocks and saw us standing patiently.  It clucked cheerfully, the row of slavering mouths spraying ribbons of drool,  seemingly pleased that we were allowing ourselves to be caught with such ease.  She hissed and leered, slowly wobbling into view and reaching greedily for us with the nasty tentacles.
We raised our weapons three across and fired a storm of glowing bullets at her killer peppermint patty of a body.  Even with the ARHUD noise protection, the sudden snarl of gunfire was loud.  I like to think she was unpleasantly surprised when our crystal-enhanced bullets passed through the magic field and then into her gaping mouths, but  I'm not entirely sure because she was dying  already, her tentacles and limbs collapsing in a messy tangle on the floor while her body remained suspended from the ceiling.  A final ear-piercing shriek of pain and rage erupted from her trembling mouths, then she fell silent, green blood and slimy eggs dripping onto the floor beneath her.
"Well that was easier than I expected,"  I exclaimed, releasing the breath I'd been holding as I crept towards the misshapen hulk.  I shone my light into one giant eye,  then clicked my safety back on, satisfied by the lack of any iris response.  "Do you think the rest of her brood died too?  In the movies killing the alien queen usually-"
A distant commotion of outraged shrieks and the tramping of hundreds of feet came drifting from the tunnel entrance.
"kills the whole hive," I finished awkwardly.  "Or not."
Amid a chorus of angry noises, the first giant members of the ugly horde appeared at the cavern entrance and froze, waving  their tentacles about as if smelling the air.  It was apparent they were working from a simple rage into a full frenzy, the tentacles oscillating with increasing speed as they scented the death  pheromones of their mother.
"Well, they sure aren't disabled," James commented mildly.  "If anything, they look even more pissed off than before." 
"Almost as if someone just killed their queen or something," Mia added.  "So much for Hollywood logic.  Any ideas?"
"Yeah, how about we-" I started.
The creatures began trundling towards us, hissing angrily.
"SHOOT THEM!" I finished.  I raised my SBR, switched back into automatic fire mode, and pulled the trigger.  Purple bullets streaked out into the advancing horde, ripping through chitin and splattering monster bug guts on the walls, the ground, and the other bugs.  Unlike their late parent, these uglies didn't even have any magical protection at all.
James joined me, and we picked targets rapidly, firing short bursts.  Mia popped away on the other side with the pistol.  Tentacle-faced bugs kept coming, tromping over the thrashing corpses of their hivemates in their single-minded efforts to get at us.  I glanced with dismay at the rapidly dropping ammo counter in my ARHUD.  A hundred rounds goes very quickly in full auto.
"Focus on the base of the tentacles!" I directed.  "It seems to knock them down fast!"
"Got it!"
We continued firing in short busts, the green lasers on our weapons combining with the automatic tracking reticles in our ARHUDs to give us highly efficient targeting.  Even so, we were about to be overrun.
"Reloading!"  I dropped the magazine into the dirt, simultaneously pulling a new on from my belt pouch.  I swung it up into place using big movements, the adrenaline making me shake pretty badly.
"Eris!  I'm out now!"
I was too busy to acknowledge Mia, and the monsters closed in while I fumbled with my weapon.  Finally the magazine clicked home.  I quickly held it out, pulled the trigger.
To my horror, nothing happened.  I whacked the bottom of the magazine again desperately.  No dice.
"Oh, crap!  My gun is jammed!"
"RELEASE BOLT" started blinking in my ARHUD.
I was too freaked out to understand.  I couldn't remember what the hell that meant with these monsters closing in on us.
I heard Turf's foals crying, I heard his wife whimpering in fear.  
"Fucking hell."  James, who had been in the middle of reloading, had fumbled his mag, dropping it on the ground.  He was now trying to snatch another out of his pack.  I knew there wouldn't enough time for him to finish before we were buried under a mass of tentacles, and something told me they weren't taking prisoners this time around .  I let go of the pistol grip of my own weapon, dropping it against my body while I stood as erect as possibly on my hind legs.  I thrust my right forehoof into the air and quickly prepared a spell, pushing a massive surge of power from my horn to build a glowing, swirling ball of pink energy atop my raised hoof.  I then swung down hard, hurling the orb into the dirt in front of the approaching creatures.  A blast of energy shot forward in an expanding wave, clinging to the drones and causing them to stumble and slow.  They hissed in frustration, their feet caught in the glowing web that now covered the ground.
I gasped, staggering to the side as magical exhaustion flooded into my body.  James put an arm around my waist, his face lit up from below in the pinkish light of my magic field.  "Are you okay babe?  Wow!  That was amazing!"
"I-I'm fine."  Still standing on two legs, I leaned heavily against him.  "That spell won't last long.  Take them out while they're down.  Hurry!"
Without letting go of me, James reached out with one hand and began executing targets with single shots to the tentacle base.  They were basically sitting ducks as long as my spell held them.
With James holding me, I felt slightly calmer.  I looked at my SBR again, and realized with a pang of embarrassment I had simply forgotten to slap the bolt release after inserting the new magazine.
"The tunnel is crawling with them.  Literally.  Any ideas?" James asked, his words punctuated by gunshots.
"I'm fresh out of ideas," I said glumly, then I noticed the ugly critters dying on the floor were not being replaced by new enemies.  I looked into the tunnel, and I could see several black forms just barely peeking around the entrance.  I took a shot at them, and they all withdrew.
"Hum, it looks like you've frightened them," Mia observed.  "I guess that last massacre got the point across."
"They're still camped out in the tunnel though.  We can't leave."  I took a single shot at another peeking bunch of tentacles, which once again withdrew.  "The bastards are just waiting on us to run out of ammo or something."
James grunted.  "If we go out there, they'll get us for sure."
"If we stay here, they'll get us when we run out of bullets," Mia groaned.  "We're screwed."
"We hang on for as long a we can, then, and try to think of a plan in the meantime."  I fired another bullet at a nosy tentacle poking into the tunnel.  It pulled back with great rapidity.  I set up a relatively comfortable position shooting over a rock, James beside me.  We took potshots at any bug monsters brave enough to make the occasional appearance.  There was plenty of pattering feet and other activity from the tunnel, so we had no doubt the critters were waiting just out of sight.
"It looks like we're gonna be here for awhile," Mia said, leaning up against me.  "Here's your pistol back.  Sorry, it's empty," she yawned.
"Thanks."  I stuck it back in my holster and sat back against James.  "Are you okay honey?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I'm doing fine."  He fired another shot.  "You girls should rest a little.  I don't know how long we're gonna be here."
"Okay," I yawned also, patting Mia's head.  The poor girl was already out cold, gunfire or no gunfire, her upper body lying heavily against my muddy chest.  "I'm just gonna sit here and think abou-"


***


"Eris.  Babe, wake up."
"Huh?" I groaned, opening my eyes to Mia's voice.  I turned my head and took in the dimly lit cave littered in giant insect corpses.  "Oh, crap.  I was hoping this was just a bad dream.  How long was I asleep?"  My mouth tasted like pure sticky ass since I hadn't brushed my teeth after dinner.
"Hours," James replied.  "It's about zero two hundred now.  Things are about to get worse, too.  I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but we're almost out of ammo."
"Oh, crap."  I carefully sat up, my butt and back stiff from the position I'd passed out in.  I reached for my rifle, but it wasn't slung around me anymore.  "Where's my gun?" I asked.
"I already used it while you were sleeping.  They're both empty."  James sat with his pistol out, aiming down the tunnel.  He fired another shot at the opening, and I heard shuffling far down it.  "I haven't even killed one all night.  Think I winged a couple, but they've been playing it real coy."
I looked around.  Both our SBRs sat in the dirt behind us, right in front of Turf and his family, who had apparently moved closer to us while I was drooling on James in my sleep.  I looked at the farm pony, and Turf looked back at me alertly, his wife leaning against his shoulder with her eyes closed, and both foals sitting in her lap, deeply asleep.
"Bad?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied sadly.  "We're about to run out of ammo and then... well.  You know."
His ears drooped.  "Any ideas?"
I racked my brains for a bit.  "Well, maybe I can use my magic for something.  It's real risky, though.  I could try to do something to distract or slow the monsters in the tunnel for a few seconds, and maybe we can run past them."
Turf wrinkled his muzzle.  "You're right.  That's a terrible idea.  Can't you just blast the tunnel shut with your horn or something?"
"I wish.  It's solid rock, I'd never get it to collapse.  Either we run, or we sit in here and try to take them on hoof to tentacle."
"That's an even worse idea."
I lowered my head.  "I know."
James fired another shot, and the Glock locked back.  "Fucking empty.  I guess this is it," James said, standing up.  He pulled out his folding knife and opened it, the blade looking pathetically small.  "Better than nothing, I guess?"
Mia picked up a nearby rock.  "I lost my knife somewhere in the woods."
"Somehow I don't think it really matters," I whispered.  "At least we're together at the end.   Sorry, Turf.  It doesn't look like we'll be leaving here."
He paled.  "Do you think we should...?"  He looked at James's knife, then at his sleeping family.  "I just don't want my kids to be monster food.  You could make it quick for us, with that."  He shifted his own knife in his hoof.  "I couldn't do it myself.  But-"
My mouth dropped open as I realized what he was thinking.  "No.  NO.  Fuck no.  Don't give up, Turf.  Don't ever give up.  Holy fuck, dude.  Don't even think about it!"
"Ever seen Stephen King's 'The Mist'?" James asked, swishing his folding blade through the air.
"No?" I replied.
"Well, let's just say, while there is life, there is hope.  That's a quote fro-"
Pebbles fell in the tunnel.
I turned at the sifting noise, and a tentacle extended into the corridor.  Mia stood to hurl her rock at it.  It jerked back as the stone clattered nearby, then stealthily reappeared.  This time it didn't jerk back when she chucked another rock.  More of the ugly monster shuffled out into view, tentacles waving adventurously.
"Oh jeez, here they come,"  Mia said, crouching down and squeezing me.  "I love you, Eris.  I love you, James."
James came over and gave us a hug.  "I love you both, and I ain't giving up."  He stood again with that crappy knife.  "I'm gonna stab as many tentacles as I can.  They're gonna regret the day they tried to eat the Triad.  Right, Turf?"
"Y-yeah.  We'll stab them together."
"That's the spirit."
I wanted to add something, but I just stared in silent horror at the tunnel and the carefully advancing monsters in it.  Eventually another shitty idea occurred to me.  "I can give us a few more minutes, I think," I said, standing up and putting my forehooves on the rock.  I focused my magic and projected a simple barrier across the opening.  The monsters reached it and flinched, tapping at the unyielding surface with their tentacles.
"How long can you keep this up for?" Mia asked me.
"Not... long," I gasped.  "Gotta concentrate."
Mia put her arms around me and held me gently.  "T-thanks," I chuffed, closing my eyes and holding the field in place as the creatures began battering it with their tentacles, their confidence increasing every second they didn't receive a bullet.
"Oooooh," I strained, squeezing every bit of magic out of my body into that barrier.  It felt like exhaling all the air from my lungs, then trying to exhale even more.  Every scrap of power I had went into that field, and I held it as long as I could, every second another second of life for the humans and ponies around me.  I didn't want to see them die, and I didn't want to die either.  I squeezed and squeezed until I felt like an old, empty toothpaste tube, the pain of overexertion and magical exhaustion building in my head until I felt like I would explode from sheer agony.
Finally the barrier flickered, then vanished.  "Ohhh, ohhh," I moaned, my eyes rolling back in my head as I collapsed into Mia's arms on the verge of fainting.  "S-sorry.  I couldn't hold it.  Ohhh."
"You did your best," Mia whispered in my ear.  "I'm proud of you, baby."
The shadows of those vile creeping tentacles played over us, and I couldn't do a thing about it, my mind sputtering and flickering towards unconsciousness.  As I floated on the edge of blackness, a strange rushing sound filled my ears, growing gradually louder.  Flickering orange lights danced at the edge of my vision, pulsing sporadically with the pounding pain in my head.  A rising shriek filled the cavern, the piercing, angered war cry of the tentacled ant-monsters.  Fear washed over me.  I struggled to stay awake, not wanting to leave Mia to die alone clutching my senseless body.
Then I passed out.
> Chapter 25:  Burning Love
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was out for a few seconds at most.  When I opened my eyes again, Mia had her arms around me protectively, clutching my head to her breast.  James stood beside us, knife in hand, bracing to do I don't know what to the first bug that reached us.  I appreciated his bravery, but I think we all knew how it would end.
As much as I wanted to just lie there in Mia's arms and pretend everything would be okay, a shrill bug cry came from the entrance demanded my attention.  I twisted slightly in her embrace to see.
Silhouetted in the strange orange glow, an insect monster rushed towards us... and right on past, skittering  away with its ass literally on fire.  I gaped speechlessly as it staggered beyond the dead queen to collapse in a burning heap on the dirt.  The rushing sound resumed, and another monster reeled past in flames, flailing its tentacles and screeching until it too fell to the ground.
I stared back towards the tunnel mouth and a long jet of fire blew past it, eliciting further squeals of pain from unseen monsters, mixed with the thumping sound of hundreds of overgrown insect feet scampering away in a panic.
"What the hell?" James asked.
Just then my heart leapt with joy as a Pegasus pony with a flamethrower walked into sight past the entrance of the cavern, followed by another.  The hidden monsters in the hall screeched with rage as the two soldiers torched them without mercy, jets of roaring napalm lighting the room in that flickering orange-yellow light.  It was one of the most beautiful things I could ever recall having seen.
"Hey!  Over here!" I called out, sitting up and waving my hoof.
The nearest Pegasus waved back curtly, then continued past the mouth of the cavern.  The stuttering orange light coming from the hall and the squeals of the burned creatures faded as they moved on.
Another pony moved into view, and suddenly a blinding light beamed into our faces.  "Are you all secure?" a youthful female voice shouted to us.
"Yes!" I yelled back.  "All secure!"
The light lowered and the pony outline approached, walking erect on her hind legs.
As my eyes recovered from the blinding light, I saw pink and gold coloring, then a horn and wings, with a tank strapped securely between them.
And a flamethrower grasped in two gold-shod hooves.
"Princess Cadance!"  I exclaimed, exhilarated by the sight of our rescuer.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mia's mouth hanging open loosely as she gaped at the newcomer.
The Alicorn princess gave us a warm smile. "You're the ones who asked for backup, I take it?"  She paused and frowned at a still-twitching monster off to the side.  "Excuse me a moment, please."  She stepped towards it and sent out a sweeping jet of flame, burning it to a screeching cinder.  I noticed the smoke wafted towards the ceiling and disappeared through some unseen ventilation shaft.  At least we wouldn't inhale it.
"Extra crispy," James said cheerfully.  "Just the way I like 'em."
Cadance returned to stand in front of us.  She put a hoof on her hip thoughtfully, the flamethrower aimed at the ground in a comfortably relaxed manner, wrinkling her nose a little.  "Smells awful in here.  Well then.  Where was I?"  She sounded as if she were trying to remember what kind of jam she wanted on her toast.
"You were saving our butts," James supplied.  "And for this we are deeply grateful, believe me."
Cadance smiled again, swinging her flamethrower nozzle up onto her back and into a set of clips while she dropped lightly down on all fours.  "Ah, yes.  It is entirely my pleasure.  These filthy creatures have proven to be a problem in several areas of Equestria.  In fact, my husband is out with a task force taking care of another colony at this very moment."
"It's a good thing you got here when you did, Princess," I said.  "We were about to buy the farm.  Thank you."
"I came as quickly as I could.  I brought a Pegasus squadron.  We put tanks on flew our rumps off."  She looked at Turf's wife and foals.  "Is everypony okay?"
Turf grinned.  "Yes ma'am, and we owe it all to these guys, and yourself of course."  He gestured towards the three of us.  "I shudder to think of how things would have turned out without them!"
Mia finally found her voice.  "Princess Cadance?" she squeaked.
The Alicorn smiled gently at her.  "That's me."  Her smile dropped off upon taking a closer look at Mia's bedraggled hair, scratches, and torn clothes.  "Goodness.  Are you injured?"
"No.  I mean, I'm okay, thank you.  Uh, ma'am, er, Your Highness? "
"I'm merely a Princess," Cadance said, scanning the walls with her eyes.  "Take it easy with the titles, you're making me nervous."
"Yes ma'am.  I, uh, I'm kind of a fan of yours."
Cadance beamed.  "Well, I'm flattered.  I don't hear that often."
"Ma'am!  Teams have swept the hive and are ready to place demolition charges!"
We all looked up to see four Pegasi with large backpacks trotting towards us.
"Excellent, please do so," Princess Cadance replied.  She turned back to us.  "I believe it's time to bail on this party, don't you think?"
"With pleasure, ma'am," I said earnestly.  "But we need to gather our things first."
"Very well.  We need to get the little ones out of here, though.  Are you ready?"
"Yes Princess, let's go,"  Turf replied, tossing the foals onto his back and nudging his wife forwards.
"Daddy ride!  Daddy ride!" the little ones cheered gleefully, seeming to have already forgotten the awful experience they had just gone through.
"Follow me, then, I'll have some of the soldiers lead you out."  Cadance turned and trotted out to the tunnel, disappearing from sight with the family in tow.
While the demolition ponies planted charges around the chamber, we collected our SBRS and checked for any dropped items, then we made to follow Cadance.
"I can't wait to get back to the hotel," I began, but Mia let out a small yelp of pain as we reached the momentarily deserted corridor.
"What's wrong?"  I asked, instantly worried.  I was feeling especially overprotective of her, for obvious reasons
"I stepped on a sharp rock," she moaned.  "I lost my shoes."
I looked down, realizing she was still barefoot, her tender little feet suffering once we left the soft dirt of the cavern for the rough tunnels.
"You can't walk around like that!"  I gasped in horror.
"I don't have a choice, I don't  have my shoes."
"Here.  Use mine."  James began to gallantly remove his own boots.  "They may be big on you, but-"
"That won't do, then you'll be injured!" I said quickly. "Keep your boots on.  I'll take care of this."  I pushed myself up against Mia.  "Get on."
She looked at me in confusion.  "What?"
"Get on my back.  I will carry you."
She blinked and looked at me again, in disbelief now.  "You mean ride you?  Like an animal?"
"Just do it, Mia.  I'm strong. I can hold you easily."
"No!  I couldn't possibly do that!"
"I want you to."
"It doesn't feel right, Eris!"
"Mia, stop screwing around and ride me!"
"I can walk, I'll be okay, I won't complain!"
"Are you going to force me to act like your boss?  Because I will.  I'm not letting you cut your feet because you're too stubborn to let me help you!"  I hesitated as a sudden embarrassing thought came to my mind.  "Oh crap.  Is it because...  oh no.  I stink terribly, don't I?  I'm sorry Mia.  I...  I peed.  I wet your skirt."
"I-I, ahhh, that's not it, oh, just come here," she sighed, all the fight gone out of her.  She carefully pulled herself onto my back with James's help.  I felt her thighs on either side of me, and I knew her crotch was rubbing against my spine through her thin panties.  I felt an unexpected but familiar tickle of arousal between my own legs, and I shifted my hips underneath her.
She leaned up against me, her head close to mine, her hair brushing against my face.   "Am I too heavy?" she asked.  "And you don't smell bad to me.  I stink much worse."
"N-no," I replied.  "Not at all.  In fact you're very light.  And I don't care if you smell.  We can be stinky together."
"By the way, I wasn't being stubborn, dear," she whispered in my ear.  "I felt, I mean, I feel wrong about treating you like some...  some pack animal."  
I pushed my head up to talk softly back to her.  "It feels good having you there.  I like you being close to me."
She gave me a gentle squeeze.  "I, ah, like this too."
"It's actually making me a little horny," I confessed.
She giggled.  "You're not the only one."  I felt her hips knead slightly against me in a suggestive thrusting motion.  "And you dirtying my skirt turns me on."
"I'm going to wet it again if you keep talking like that," I said, biting my lip.  "I think I'm about to start dripping."
"Does this help?"  Mia pulled her skirt up and ground her hips forward vulgarly, eliciting a soft, involuntary moan from me.
"S-stop it!" I hissed.  "This place smells like burned bugs, I don't want to be horny here!  How are you even feeling this way after what just happened?"
"I'm sorry babe, this just makes me so, oooh!"  Mia giggled and rubbed herself on my back again.
"Sorry to interrupt anything," Cadance snickered, returning to us.
Mia froze mid-hump, and we all stared at the bemused Alicorn like deer in the headlights.  Her eyes swept over us, and locked onto the massive boner visible through James's shorts.  His subsequent efforts to hide it were utterly futile.
Cadance smoothly continued without so much as a blush.  "Blasting charges have been set.  It's time to go, then we raze this place into the ground."
We stayed frozen.  Finally she came closer.  "Hey, I'm the Princess of Love, you know.  It's not the first time I've seen, ah, a non-standard relationship."
"Is it really that obvious?"  I asked lamely.
"Well, I have a practiced eye."  She stared at Mia's dirty hiked skirt and arched stomach, my slightly trembling thighs, and James feebly trying to keep his tented crotch turned away from her.  "Okay, yeah, it's pretty obvious."  She grinned.  "But you guys are so cute together .  Even if you do smell like a clogged sewer."
I felt my face heating up.  "It was a long night, and, uh..."  I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I just kind of trailed off awkwardly.
"They clean up real nice, though," James said eventually, giving up on hiding his erection and standing up straight, his shorts tented out in front of him.
"I've no doubt of that," Cadance observed, looking at his crotch with an approving smile.  "Lucky girls."
James grinned sheepishly.  I don't see him blush often, but that did the trick.
"Anyway, let's get out of here."  The Princess motioned for us to follow her, then she turned and began moving away up the tunnel.
Carrying Mia easily on my back, I walked alongside James, retracing our steps to exit the hellhole we had spent the night in.
> Chapter 26:  Kindred
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"One more head count, just to be sure," Princess Cadance ordered her officer in charge.  "I don't want anypony getting buried alive in the collapse."
"Yes ma'am!"
We stood at the base of the mound with Turf's family, a safe distance from any potential rock slide the impending explosion might produce.  While the squadron organized themselves around the Princess, a lone Pegasus approached us.
"Griddle!" I called out.
He smiled and waved a hoof.  "Hey!"
I moved to give him a hug, then hesitated, remembering the sorry state I was in, my mane and clothes matted with filth.  "Sorry, I'm a mess."
He reached out anyway, giving me a squeeze.  "Glad you guys found your friend."
"Who's that?" Mia asked.
"He's the one who flew to Princess Cadance and saved our butts," James explained.  "Without him we'd probably be getting torn limb from limb right now."
"I just showed them to the farm," Griddle said, self-consciously.  "I, ah, it was no big deal."
"It was a big deal to us.  Thank you," Mia replied, bending down to kiss him on top of the muzzle.  "You made it just in the nick if time."
It was Griddle's turn to blush.  "Aww, well, you know, anypony would have done the same for a pretty girl like you," he mumbled shyly.
"Thanks to all of you," Turf added.  "Without you guys, well..."  he choked up, waving a hoof towards his wife and sleepy children.  "I'm just glad we're all safe," he finished after pausing a moment.
"Me too," I sighed, then I noticed Cadance approaching us at a sedate pace while the military ponies hurried past her carrying their gear, crates, and weapons.  Two of the demolition specialists dragged a wire reel behind.
"Hey you guys," she called out.  "We're about to sink this hive."
"Thank goodness for that," Turf breathed.  "I don't want this in my backyard!"
"Who wants to do the honors?" the pink Alicorn princess asked, pointing at the detonator switch the demo team was wiring up.
"How about we all do it?" Turf asked.  "I think we've earned it."
"Yeah," I nodded.  "Yeah.  Let's do that."


***


The detonation was not so much heard as felt, a rumbling tremor deep in the ground.  Small rocks sifted down the sides of the hill before us.
I lifted my hoof off the small stack of hooves and hands that had pressed the button.  "And that, as they say, is that."
"Good riddance," Turf added.  He glanced at his exhausted wife and foals.  "And I think we'd best be getting home."
"Same here," Griddle yawned.  "I'll just be heading out.  Swing by the restaurant later, maybe?"
"We just might," I smiled.
With a nod he took off and soon disappeared over the treetops, leaving the rest of us to travel through the forest.
"Your windows are shattered," James observed as we walked through the grass around the farmhouse.
"I'll close the shutters and have somepony repair the glass in the morning," Turf replied, then froze abruptly.  "Oh, right. The knife."
"Keep it," James told him.  "And the flashlight.  Knives are issued, not borrowed.  It'll give you something to show the grand kids when you're telling them about the night grandpa was a bad ass hero.  And nobody will care about the flashlight, either."
Turf grinned.  "Thanks.  Say, if you guys are ever in the area, you'll look us up, won't you?"
"I'll make you a pie," Celery added with a sleepy half-smile.  "Strawberry rhubarb, or something."
"Absolutely," I smiled.  Although the likelihood of our travelling this way again anytime soon was minimal, I would certainly take a look if it were to happen.
We waved as they headed home, then I felt Mia trying to slip off my back.  "Don't you dare!"  I hissed at her.
She stopped.  "It's grass. I can walk from here."
"Hello, broken glass?" I growled.  "You stay up there until I tell you to get off."
She scooted up my back.  "Yes, ma'am."
I rolled my eyes as we headed around the house.
"Hey!" Mia suddenly shouted, almost making me piss myself again.
"Jeez, Mia!  Don't do that!  You scared the crap out of me," I grumbled.
"Sorry.  Look, though!  It's my shoe!"
I squinted in the dark, seeing something red under a tree.
"Must have dropped off when I, ah, went through here earlier, like, against my will.  Can I get it?"
I picked the shoe up in my magic, rotating it in front of us.  "Hmm.  Only minorly scuffed."  I lifted it over my head.
Mia took it.  "Yay!  These were expensive.  Now if I can just find the other..."
"It's in the truck.  I kept it."
"Oh!  Thanks!"
"I'd be sad if you lost them too.  They look cute on you."  I didn't mention it had been something I probably would have kept forever to torture myself with if things had gone badly.
We neared the truck, and I finally allowed Mia to get off.  She stroked me fondly on my neck, then got into the passenger seat and put her shoes on.
I went to the back with James.  We placed our SBRs and empty enhanced magazines back in the case, and found a few extra mags for our pistols in a pouch we'd missed earlier.
As James shut the rear hatch, a familiar voice called out to us.
"Hey!"
We stopped and gawked.
"Um, can I ride with you guys?"  Princess Cadance asked, walking towards us.
I blinked.  "Of course, Princess.  May I ask why?"
She smiled easily.  "Because I'm not heading back until after we've all slept.  And washed up.  It's been a long night."  She slipped the tanks off her back with a clank.  "Also I like you guys."
"Well, thanks," I said uncertainly.  Her approach surprised me more than I could fully hide.  She'd already saved our lives.  Now her continuing interest made me more than a little nervous.
"Let me get that," James offered, gesturing at the tanks.  He moved to her and gripped the harness,  hefting them to the back of the truck, his muscles rippling on his bare chest.  Oh jeez, I thought to myself.  She likes his-
Mia shoved the door open.  "Hey Fuzzpoof, who are you talking to-"  she stopped upon seeing Cadance, and a broad grin came to her face.  "Oh my, Princess.  Since you're here, can I get your autograph?"
"Of course.  What do you want it on?"
Mia looked around.  "I...  I don't know."
Cadance grinned in a way that worried me immensely.  "There's a marker there.  I couldn't help but see you were wearing white panties."


***


James came around the side of the vehicle.  "So, are we all..." he trailed off, coming to a halt beside me.  We both stood with our mouths open watching the scene in front of us.
Mia had yanked her skirt up past her waist, and was giggling like a schoolgirl while Princess Cadance, also giggling, signed the front of her panties with a Sharpie held in her forehoof.
My mental gears whirred in neutral while I watched, then Mia dropped her skirt back down.
"Does anypony else want an autograph?" Cadance asked, wheeling on us, the marker extended ominously.  "I'll sign just about anything!"
"I, uh, er, I see that," I said, afraid to ask just how far the offer extended.  "I'm good, thanks."
"So, um, you wanted a ride?" James began.  "I'll drive...  Um..." he trailed off again as Mia reached up under her skirt and pulled her panties down her legs, slipping them over her red heels.  
"What?  I'm saving these.  I hope the autograph doesn't fade in the wash."  She shoved the panties into her purse.
"I'd be more than happy to sign them again," Cadance offered cheerfully.  "Or anything else you want."
James and I looked at each other.
"I'm scared," I whispered.  "It's like Mia found a...  a twin."
James shrugged.  "Eh."
Cadance stared at us expectantly for a moment, then her smile faded once it became apparent neither of us was going to offer anything exciting to write on.  She capped the marker and gave it to Mia.  "Well, okay then, I'll just be a moment.  Need to make sure my troops have a plan for resting up."  She turned and trotted back the way she'd come.
"See you soon!" Mia called out.
Cadance waved a hoof over her shoulder without looking, then hurried out of sight.
"I like her, she's nice," Mia commented, turning back to our staring faces.
"Oh, yeah, she's totally cool," I agreed.  "Just, she kinda reminds me of someone."
"Anyone I know?"  Mia asked.
"You could say that," James deadpanned.  "Anyway, let's get ready.  It's so late it's becoming early."
Mia yanked open the back door.  "After you, Eris."
I opened my mouth, then closed it again and hopped inside.  James got into the driver's seat, and I slid along the back bench until i was behind him.  Mia got in next to me and shut the door with a bang.  "So," she said.  "Anyone feeling a little horny?"
I squinted at her in disbelief.  "Jeez, Mia.  Aren't you like, I don't know, traumatized from what happened?  I sure am!"
"Absolutely.  That's why I need you both to fuck me like crazy until I forget about it."
"You're serious."
"I was afraid I'd  never see either of you again.  It was horrible.  I'm not going to let a moment go to waste."
James chuckled.  "So basically nothing has changed."
I narrowed my eyes.  "So.  Let me get this straight.  You came face to face with your own morality and a horrible death.  How did that make you feel?"
Mia narrowed her own eyes back at me.  "It sucked.  Why?"
"Because you seem to be taking it awfully well."
"What do you want me to say?" she shrugged, breaking our squinting contest.  "I cried, I pissed myself more than once.  I would have screamed myself hoarse but I heard Celery and those kids and I bit it back because I didn't want to scare them to death.  I already said it, but I'll say it again, it was absolutely horrible.  But it was in the past, and now you're here.  What do you expect me to do?"
I sighed.  "I don't even know.  Just, it seems like you, I don't know, recovered too fast?  Hell it's not even a recovery, it's more like you just rebounded right back as if nothing had happened at all."
Mia sighed.  "What, do you want me to mope around some?  How long is suitable?  I can try and cry some more if that would make you happy."
I dragged a hoof down my face and caught James's eye observing us in the rear view mirror.  He shrugged.
"Fine," I eventually said.  "Just... Just be yourself, dear."
"You better not be sitting there worrying about whether I'm crazy or not," Mia growled.  "You already know I'm crazy, nothing has changed!"
I couldn't help but grin at that.  "I know, and wouldn't change you for the world, Mia darling."  Then i frowned.  "I guess our vacation is over, thought."
"What? Why?" Mia asked.
I gaped at her.  "Because... because...  you almost got killed?"
"That could have happened anywhere!  I came here for a vacation, Eris, and I haven't had one yet!"
I looked at James, who shrugged.  It seemed like shrugging was becoming his default way of leaving me hanging for Mia to play with.  "So the vacation is still on?"
"I need it more than ever now," Mia continued.  "And I want to start by taking a nice long bath.  At the hot springs.  With your little pony ass in my face."
"What?"
"I want to eat your asshole in the hot spring, dear."
I squeezed my legs together reflexively at the sudden tingle in my crotch.  "Mia!  Stop making me wet while we're driving!  I'll mess the seat up!  And what hot spring are you talking about?"
"Fine then, I'll save it for the hot springs."
"WHAT HOT SPRINGS?"
"The ones at our hotel.  Didn't you see the sign?  'Hot Springs!  Private Room Rental Available!' It was, like, huge, at the front counter."
"I, uh, no.  I didn't see it."  I grimaced, feeling like an idiot.  We sat for a bit in silence, then Mia spoke up again.  "Eris?  Something is bothering me, after all."
I tried to hide the flutter of worry that coursed through me.  "Yeah?  What's up?"
"Back in the hive, I saw...  a cow.  Or what was left of one."
"Yeah.  Turf's livestock got eaten.  It's unfortunate."
"Right."  She was silent for a moment.  "Eris?  In the My Little Pony show, cows are... well, they talk.  Is that-"
"No," I answered quickly.  "Goodness no.  Cows are no more intelligent here than they are on human-side Earth."
Mia let out a heavy sigh.  "Oh thank goodness.  I was worried for moment.  I mean..."  her voice faded.
I put a hoof on her knee.  "Yeah, I know what you mean.  Well, it would be messed up if they WERE intelligent.  We farm them.  That would be like slavery."
"Yeah, I never really understood that in the show, either.  Even the sheep talk, and they get treated like animals by the ponies."
"Well, here they don't talk.  The sheep here are simply animals, and we do use them for wool."
"And I guess the cows for milk and cheese and stuff?"
I smiled.  "Right.  We, ah, don't tend to slaughter our animals..."  I trailed off.  "Not that it bothers me that...  I mean, ah..."  The flow of words failed me again.
"Awkward," Mia said.
I giggled.  "Yeah, that's me.  Miss Awkward.  I can't keep my hoof out of my mouth."
Mia squeezed my thigh.  "Well, I wasn't attracted to you for your silver tongue."  She paused, and an evil gleam came into her eye.  "Although your tongue is certainly skilled in ways I approve of very much."
I sighed.  "Well, there goes a wet spot."
Mia snickered.  "You need to put some panties over your cute little snatch, dear."
"Most ponies don't wear clothes.  I hardly ever wore clothes before I started working at Menagerie!"
"Do most ponies leave juicy stains on the upholstery?"
"Most ponies don't have to deal with you, Mia."
She squeezed my thigh again.  "Okay, that's true."
We jumped as the door slid open.  "I'm back!"  Princess Cadance jumped into the rear, shoving up against Mia.
"Uh, we left you the front seat,"  I said.
"But I want to sit back here where I can talk to Mia," Cadance said, dropping puppy dog eyes.  Then her nose twitched.  She laughed, and stuck her muzzle out the partially open window.  "Seriously it smells like ass, bad breath, and worse in here, though.  You guys reek to the high heavens!"
"Well you smell like burnt kerosene and squashed bugs," Mia countered, eyes narrowed.  "What did you even get in this car for?"
I gasped, worried she'd gone too far this time.  "Mia!  She's a princess!"
Cadance's mouth turned down into a scowl, and her voice stiffened.  "How DARE you speak to me in such a fashion?"
Mia scowled back.  "I'll hug you like a plushie.  I'm not kidding.  You're too clean.  I'll make you one of us!"
"You'd better no-EEEEK!"
Mia lunged over, wrapping her filthy arms around the aristocratically beautiful Alicorn.  "Gotcha! ONE OF US!"
I gaped, appalled at the unfolding scene before me.  I felt maybe I should do something, but my brain seemed to have returned to that wonderful neutral gear, and I watched helplessly as Mia wrestled with the Princess of the Crystal Empire.
"Oh, we are so dead," I moaned.
"Eeee!"  Cadance squealed, trying to pull away from Mia's spider-like embrace.  "Y-you're a f-fucking filthy animal!"  Her stiff demeanor suddenly dissolved into gales of laughter.  "Y-you smell like a hobo!  I'm gonna throw up!"  She retched loudly, still debilitated with spasms of hilarity.  "I'm serious!  I'm gonna hurl on you!"
"There," Mia said proudly, releasing her.  "Now you smell like shit too, Miss Golden Shoes."
Cadance sniffed her body and wrinkled her nose.  "Yech.  It really did rub off on me."  She tapped her chin with a hoof.  "Since I already stink.."  she reached out and returned Mia's hug.  "Gosh.  My first time touching a human, you know.  You guys are so soft and smooth, under that layer of filth, I mean."
As I watched them giggling away like schoolgirls, a horrible realization came over me.
Mia and Princess Cadance had the same sense of humor.
"Oh crap," I whispered to myself.  "This could be really, really bad."


***


I had no idea just how bad it was until we were all butt-ass naked in a private hot spring room at the hotel half an hour later.
"I'm not really sure I'm comfortable with this," I complained nervously, lying at the edge of the big hot pool on a towel with my rear legs hanging into the water and my ass in the air.
Mia stopped licking my butthole for a moment.  "Why not?"
"Because there's an audience I barely know!"
"Don't mind me," Cadance said cheerfully from the other side of the little pool, although I could easily see she was watching with rapt interest while Mia molested me.  "I am the Princess of Love.  I've seen it all, and then some.  Please continue."  She leaned forward expectantly, the water up to her shoulders.
"More like the Princess of Perversion," I grumbled while Mia happily lifted my tail and went back to work digging her warm tongue into my anus.  "You just invited herself in here!  We only just met!"
"But I like you guys already," Cadance beamed.
"I'm not sure I know you well enough to agree," i replied, rather untruthfully.  Despite myself, I liked the rotten voyeur, even aside from her having just saved our lives.  People taking advantage of these kind of circumstances was starting to become a thing, it would seem.
Cadance feigned sorrow.  "Aww!  Do you guys really not want me here?  I'm just enjoying the company, and the warm water.  I mean, I could get my own steam room, and just hang out by myself.  Alone."  She pouted.
James, who wasn't paying much attention to any of us, sitting in the hot spring half asleep with his head leaned back, shrugged his shoulders.  "I don't mind you here."
"Of course we want you here!"  Mia said, horrified.  "Eris!  She's awesome!  Why wouldn't we want her here?  She saved our lives!"
I rolled my eyes.  "Oh, fine, whatever.  I'll just resign myself to... oohhh!" I gasped as Mia jammed her fingers into my pussy from behind.  I could feel my eyes bugging out.  "Oh my gosh!"
"Just pretend I'm not even here," Cadance murmured, her eyes unashamedly gaping at me.  "You make an interesting hand puppet, though.  Your eyes look like baseballs!"
I tried to shoot an angry glance at her, which was weakened considerably by a near-orgasm shaking my body and making my eyelids flutter.  "Oh!  Ohhhhh!"  I rubbed my thighs together reflexively.
"Just think of me like... like a doctor!  Or something," our pink Alicorn audience added.
"Where are your forehooves?" I asked her sharply, trying to ignore Mia exploring my sloppy hole.  "What are you doing?"
One of her hooves shot up above the water.  "Nothing!"
"Where's your other hoof?"
"Nowhere.  I'm just, ah, being comfortable."
"Are you-?"
Her eyes widened innocently.  "What are you trying to say?"
"You didn't say you aren't!  What about your husband?  What would he think of this?"
"Shining Armor?  If he was here he would join us, he loves hot springs."
"That's not what I meant and you know iiiii-oh!  OH!"  Mia did something with her fingers, twisting them around in my pussy.  I felt my eyes roll back in my head and a dopey expression come over my face.  "Ohhh craaaaaaaap!"
"Umm," Mia hummed from under my tail, her lips brushing down as she probed and licked my wetness.
"Ohhh my gosh," I moaned.
"Uhhh," Cadance groaned softly, leaning back with her eyes closed, both her hooves back under the water again.  She started to slide off the underwater ledge she was sitting on, and momentarily sank out of sight, resurfacing almost immediately with a splashing, spluttering noise.  "Ugh!  I got water up my nose!"
"S-serves you right."  I couldn't even scowl at her with the things Mia was doing to me.  I just sank onto the towel, my body trembling.  "Miaaaa," I moaned.  "S-stop!"
"Okay, fine," Mia said, dropping my tail and sitting back in the water.  "You be that way if you want to.  I'll just be over here giving James a hand job, if you change your mind."
"Mia!  Wait!  Crap," I said angrily, watching her scoot away.  "Double crap."
"Hey there!"  She pushed up alongside him.
"Wha-?" James said, opening one eye as Mia reached under the water.  "Whoa!  Uh, hi baby!"
I eyeballed them from my towel, already beginning to regret my complaints.  I had been so close, too.  I should have just kept my muzzle shut.  So what if a Princess was watching me?  I sighed and laid my head between my forehooves, watching James and Mia.
He was definitely awake now, holding an arm around her shoulders and kissing her deeply on the mouth.  I reflected briefly that it was a good thing we'd taken the time to brush our teeth and clean up a bit before coming down here.
I pushed myself back, slipping into the water and turning around to face Cadance.  She looked at me, widening her eyes and nodding her head towards James and Mia.
I frowned deeply at her and crossed my forehooves, but watching James and Mia making out a few feet away from me was wearing my prudish resolve thinner by the moment, and the steamy water wasn't helping.  He pulled her close, one hand fondling her breast while they teased each other with their tongues.  I could see her hand working at him under the water, stroking his shaft.  "I give up!" I finally cried out, sliding over to them, aware of Cadance's beaming face watching us with gleeful anticipation.  "I give up, okay?  I want in!  I don't care if she's watching!"
"Nice of you to show up, dear, I knew you'd come around," Mia giggled, reaching out for me.  "Come here.  His dick is ready."  She pulled me through the water, pausing to give me a kiss.  Then she shoved me into position straddling James, my forehooves on his shoulders.
He put his hands around my waist.  "Hey baby."  Then he kissed me.
I relaxed, sliding down into his lap,  his cock pushing far up inside me.  "How do I always end up in these weird, perverted situations?"  I murmured in his ear as I ground onto him.
"You were lucky enough to come across some freakazoids, i guess," he replied, shifting his hips and pushing himself up.
I groaned with pleasure as his manhood dug into me, wrapping my arms behind his neck.  "Oh!  Yes!"  I purred, thrusting my hips forward. "Yes!"
I was acutely aware of Cadance's shameless interest as I fucked James.  My cheeks felt red from more than just the heat of the pool, but I wasn't about to stop.  I could also see James had begun fingering Mia under the water.
"Enjoy the show, Cadance, you little pervert," I spat.  At this point I had finally given up on calling her by her title.
"Oh, I'm enjoying this quite a lot," she replied, her own face flushed.  I could see her shoulders working under the water.
I was distracted from her by James roughly grabbing my waist and crushing me against his crotch.  "I'm gonna cum, babe," he groaned.
"Do it.  DO IT!" I hissed, sliding back and forth rapidly on him.
He yanked me hard and moaned, and I felt him shooting inside me.  "I, ah, ohhh," I gasped, his load triggering my own orgasm.  I pulled his face against my chest, and he nibbled at my nipples, making me cum even harder.  I could plainly hear Cadance making some little yelps behind me; I had few doubts what she'd been up to.
When we finally broke apart, I pulled myself carefully off, and sat down on the ledge beside him, resting my head against his shoulder.  Mia did the same on his opposite side.  "Feel better?"  I asked the voyeur.
"Of course.  I greatly enjoy increasing my knowledge of, ah, love."  Princess Cadance grinned at us from across the pool, pushing her wet mane off her face.  "So.  Like, I'm supposed to head to Canterlot tomorrow.  How would you guys like to tag along and meet Princess Celestia?"
"Yes!  Yes yes!"  Mia squealed, leaping up and bouncing around in the water, her naked boobs bobbing wildly.  "Thank you!'
"What the crap just happened?" I asked, scratching my head in confusion while Mia and Cadance laughed and threw water at each other.
James just shrugged at me.
> Chapter 27:  Redirection
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up squashed nicely between James and Mia.  I would have enjoyed this, but the sun had managed to find a way between the curtains, putting a brilliantly uncomfortable band of searing light right across my squinting eyes.  I groaned and shifted position, turning my back to the sun and inadvertently waking both my humans in the process.
After the hot spring perversion earlier this morning, Cadance had finally left us to return to her own room and rest.  I liked her, but I was still a bit relieved to see her bail for a few hours and give us some alone time, even if that did end up in all of us simply passing out in a heap, especially James, who had somehow managed to stay awake the entire night.  I think he was asleep before he hit the bed, and I don't remember much after flopping in alongside him, either.
I yawned.  It was now ridiculously late in the afternoon, and I could see Mia grinning at me from under her messy bed hair.  "Hey Fuzzpoof."
I nuzzled her.  "Hey sweetie."
I became aware of James's arms stealthily sneaking around me from behind, and something hard pushed against my tail.
"Oh my," I whispered, pushing my furry rump against James's stiff crotch.  "Does somepony have morning wood?"
"Mmmhmm," James hummed in my ear.  He started to push his hips forward, then someone police-knocked on our hotel room door, making us all jump.  "Hey, are you guys up yet?" a now-familiar voice came through, slightly muffled.  "My Pegasus squadron has already headed home.  You guys hungry?  Let's go eat or something!"
There followed a moment of anticipatory  silence,  then more knocking.  "Hello?  Come on you guys, it's a nice day!"
I groaned.
James groaned.
Mia giggled.


***


It really was a nice day, although we started the drive back to Canterlot quite late, after visiting Griddle's restaurant for breakfast and a goodbye.  At his request, the Princess left him a large painted autograph on the wall by the counter, which pleased them both immensely.
Once we hit the road, I sat in the front seat while James drove, with Mia and Cadance carrying on in the back.  The trip was mostly uneventful, with the exception of several extremely awkward pee breaks.  Apparently urinating is a spectator sport when you've got pink hair, who knew.  I should have expected they were up to no good when they started drinking a ton of water at Griddle's, but I guess I'm just an innocent, gullible little squeak toy in Mia's gently wild grip.
My holobracelet began freaking out with message notifications as soon as it picked up a signal on the outskirts of Canterlot.
I sighed and slipped on my ARHUD, activated the mail interface, and began mass deleting the fifty or so irrelevant emails I had received in the past day.
"You'd think I'm Miss Popular by how much crap I get hit with when I'm out of the office," I groaned.  "What even is this stuff?  I don't give a crap about basketball.  And a pajama party?  Really?"
"We should probably report in," James suggested from behind the wheel, completely ignoring my mini-rant.
"I'm the boss, you don't tell me what to do," I grumbled at him peevishly.  "Humph."
We drove on for a bit in silence, aside from the chatter behind us which I had begun to tune out.  "We should probably report in," I finally said, looking at James out of the corner of my eye.
"Good idea," James agreed neutrally.
I pulled up the menu and hovered my hoof over Director Stephens's call icon.  For some reason the idea of calling him up had me strangely intimidated.  I eventually sighed and tapped it.
It rang once, and a stunningly realistic digital rendition of Director Stephens appeared in a video chat window.
I hesitated.  The eyes of his virtual ARHUD representation were just as unnerving as his usual stare.  I'm not sure exactly how the device picks up the wearer's facial cues, something about infrared sensor tracking built into each device.  It is quite convincingly real, though.
"Advisor Sky?  Good afternoon!  How may I help you?"
"Hello, sir.  I hope things are going well at the Menagerie."
"It's been relatively slow, oddly enough.  I trust you are enjoying your time off?  Where did you guys go?"
"We are in Equestria, near Canterlot right now."  I felt a pang of guilt for not having even bothered to tell him what universe we were in before now.  He had every right to chew my narrow ass for that lack of forethought.
"Ah!  I have not been there myself, not yet anyway," he smiled at me.  "Is it relaxing and peaceful?"
"Well, sir, about that..."  I filled him in on the main events surrounding the hive and Mia's abduction.  I left out certain parts, mostly the ones involving myself fucking my subordinates every chance we got.
When I finished my selectively edited summary, he sat tapping his chin and stared off into space for a bit.  "I send you guys out for some rest, and you almost get killed.  Meanwhile, nothing much is happening here.  The unpleasant critters have been remarkably quiet."  He grimaced at me.  "I don't tend to believe in luck, but your ill fortune seems to defy probability."
"Well, we all survived in one piece, and we are here with Princess Cadance now-"
"The princess who saved you?  She's hanging out with you?"
I turned my head to the back, letting him see the two pink-haired different species females sitting behind me through my ARHUD forward cameras.  They both waved cheerfully.
"Wait!  Wow!  Is that an Alicorn?"
"Would you kindly say hi to my boss, Princess Cadance?"  I craned my neck back towards her, and she smiled.  "Hello," she said agreeably, blinking her big eyes fetchingly.
"You guys are hanging out with an Alicorn," Stephens muttered excitedly.  "This is unprecedented.  The things I've heard about Twilight and Celestia's powers!  I would love a chance to take some notes.  The magical charge alone must be immense!"
"So, it's not all bad luck," I said cheerfully.
"Not at all!  I would give a great deal to study an Alicorn," he continued.  "Fascinating.  Simply amazing.  You must tell me all about her upon your return."
"Absolutely, in fact I will let you read some portions of my daily log," I encouraged him, making a mental note to clean all the sexy and embarrassing parts out before doing so.  I don't even know why I put my sexcapades in this log.  Maybe I'm an exhibitionist and I just never realized it?  Or maybe it's just because I really enjoy talking about graphic sex?  I don't really know.  Well, actually, I think I do, but as usual I don't like to admit it.  Admitting that would make me a slut, wouldn't it?
Although that word makes me feel a little warm and tingly in my crotch.
Ugh.  Get your dirty little mind out of the gutter, Eris.
Anyway, I didn't exactly want the Director to know in detail the kind of extracurricular activities I got up to with my "security detail."  It just didn't feel like something I should discuss with the someone in charge of discipline for myself and everyone else.  I prefer not to rock the boat that way.
As for the man in question, Director Stephens was entranced by my offer of special reading material.  Apparently forgetting our near-death-experience entirely, he grinned ear to ear.  The effect was kind of frightening with his perpetual razor-stare eyes glowing above it, like a giddy Jack-o-lantern with a halo of gray hair.
"That is a fantastic idea!  Oh, and if you would like to invite the Alicorn lady to our humble facility for a tour and some, ah, minor testing, I would be immensely pleased.  To host her, of course.  And scan her."
"I'll let her know of your offer," I agreed hesitantly.  "Uh, so, are we good for another couple days or so?"
"Days of what?"
"Vacation, sir.  Ours kind of got cut into by-"
"By a stroke of good fortune," he interrupted.  "By all means.  Use the time to pump her for as much information as possible."
"I, uh, okay."  We stared at each other for a moment, his strange choice of words throwing me off.
"Just do me a favor and let me know before you go anywhere crazy again, okay?"
My ears drooped.  "S-sorry.  I got carried away.  And I'm from Equestria, you know.  It's not crazy to me.  It's home."
"You're right.  Bad choice of words on my part, I apologize.  But just give me a heads up if you'll be out of contact, okay?"
"Yes, I will."
He grinned at me again, unnervingly.  "Well then, I shall eagerly await your log files.  Enjoy yourself with your friends, Miss Sky.  I do hope you're all getting along well."
"A-absolutely, sir, we are, ah, happy together.  I mean, we do it together as a team, ah, stuff, group things?"  I smiled at him feebly, mentally facehoofing myself over my own poor choice of words.  I hoped the facial replication software wouldn't show my blazing cheeks on his end.
He looked at me for a long moment, poker faced.  I had no idea what he was thinking, and I felt my own uncomfortable grin fade as my nerves frayed through another of his signature extended silent staring contests.  Finally he smiled and nodded decisively.  "Excellent, then!  Be safe, and see you soon!"  He gave me a curt wave, and the call terminated.
I twisted in my seat, facing the back at an awkward angle.  "We're good," I told my companions, taking my ARHUD off again.  It went into low power standby the moment I took it off my face.  "He's cool with us taking a couple more days as long as I get him some Alicorn info tidbits to treasure."
"Oh, more time to hang out!" Cadance said, sipping from a water bottle.
"Alicorn tidbits?"  Mia giggled.  "Sounds like you want to collect little dried pieces of her royal turds or something!"
Cadance spewed the water in her mouth into my face, gagging with choked laughter.  This set Mia going even harder, and they collapsed onto each other in a gasping heap of hilarity.
"You're gonna make me crash!" James complained weakly, trying to hold his sides and steer at the same time.
"I really need to learn to think more carefully before I speak," I commented soggily, wiping magical Alicorn spit water off my damp fur with a piece of Kleenex.  "I'm making this way too easy for you guys."
"H-hi, I'm Eris!" Mia said, copying my voice badly.  "Can I just squeeze behind you?  I-I brought a d-dustpan and everything!"
They both screamed with laughter again, tears streaming down their faces.  James had reached the point where he wasn't laughing so much as suffering from a case of extended dry heaves.  "P-please stop," he begged faintly.  "I-I think I'm gonna actually die!"
I rolled my eyes with the deepest scowl I could muster while fighting to keep a straight face.  "Oh come on.  It's not THAT funny!"


***


It was getting close to sundown when we finally arrived at Canterlot Castle.  James drove the SUV up the curved road through the courtyard, looking for a place to stop.
"Just pull us up behind Celestia's car," Cadance instructed.  "It'll be fine."
"Do you think I should get, uh, different clothes?" Mia asked for the tenth time, tugging at her tiny skirt and top.  She seemed uncharacteristically nervous to be meeting Equestria's head princess.
"Trust me, she won't mind," Cadance reassured, patting Mia on the shoulder.  "She's really chill, and there won't be many other ponies here at this hour.  You'll see."
Mia smiled uncomfortably.  "Okay, if you say so."
"There's nowhere that you could buy anything else at this time anyway," Cadance continued.  "And anything other than another equally short skirt would probably have to be tailor made for you.  As far as I know, even this city doesn't have a lot in the way of human clothing."
"Okay, I see," Mia sighed.  "I hadn't expected to be meeting royalty when I packed..." Her voiced faded as she looked at the pink Alicorn sitting next to her.  "...not that you aren't royalty, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"Don't worry about it," Cadance grinned, poking her arm gently with a gold-shod hoof.  "You're fine.  You'll be fine.  Trust me."
"Okay, okay.  I do trust you."  Mia pushed the door open, stepping out onto the stone driveway in those darling red heels.
We all got out, the slamming of doors filling the calm evening air as we left the truck behind us.  I stood at the bottom of the long flight of stairs leading up to the castle, and Mia came up beside me.
"I take it back.  It's not okay, I'm terrified," she confessed softly.
"You'll be okay," I reassured her.  "Look, it's deserted.  And you're not the only one wearing a miniskirt."  I gestured at my own outfit, another tube and skirt from Mia's collection.  The ones I had worn into the hive had sadly been ruined beyond repair.
"Not like any of us look very formal, except for Princess Cadance," James agreed, tugging at his own blue Hawaiian shirt.  Much like Mia, he'd basically brought several styles of the same summery vacation wear.
"If you guys catch it, we'll all just die together," I chuckled.  "I wouldn't worry about it, though.  The Princesses aren't known for being ill-tempered."
Mia grinned at me and gave a silly thumbs-up motion.
The only ponies present were a few castle guards, and they stood stiffly at attention, when Cadance approached, proudly unflinching in their duty to Princess and country.  I did notice their eyeballs locking onto Mia, however, a fact which I did not bring to her attention.
"Uh, are we okay carrying these firearms?" James asked, indicating the pistols the three of us wore on our waists.
"You're with me, and I trust you guys," Princess Cadance replied.  "If something were to happen, how would you contribute to our defense if you're not armed?"  She tossed her mane with the faintest of smiles, and began walking up the stairs.
"Understood."  James waited for me to pass, then followed behind, and with Princess Cadance striding confidently in front of us, we ascended the stairs to enter the imposing castle.
Inside, the main hall was large, regally decorated yet not to excess.  True to their form, the Princesses had never been ones for wasting public funds on personal luxury, preferring instead just enough to make the castle a symbol of the nation without becoming an icon of greed.  It was partly this attitude of service over entitlement that made them such good leaders in my eyes.
To tell the truth, I was also a little nervous, even with a Princess of our own to hide behind.  I'd only been near Celestia a few times in the past, and always as just another member of a larger group.  This time, there were only four of us.
We padded down the long carpeted halls, passing large stained glass windows and decorations which I didn't pay much mind to.  I was focused on our destination, and on the large thrones at the end of the final room, one of which stood empty, while the other had the tall, rainbow-maned white Alicorn sitting upon it.
"Good evening," Cadance called out as we approached in near silence.
Princess Celestia sat upon her throne and held a tablet in one golden hoof, swiping across the surface with her other.  I think she was about to call it a day, because her back legs were crossed and she was slouching back at an angle, her wings partly spread and her shining crown slightly askew.  A short pile of what appeared to be comic books lay on the floor beside her seat, as if she'd dropped them there in a stack after leafing through.  She looked up as we entered, and her poorly disguised surprise at seeing James and Mia gave way to recognition when she set eyes upon our Alicorn companion.  A warm smile spread across her gently beautiful face as she made an attempt to push herself into a more presentable position.  "Princess Cadance!  Welcome!  I see you have brought some friends?"
"Yes, I helped them out of a pinch, and they were kind enough to give me a ride here," Cadance explained.
"Oh?" Celestia asked, eyeing James and Mia's outfits with curiosity.  "Welcome to Equestria.  I expect you are ProteC employees?"
"Yes, ma'am," James replied.  "We're on vacation."  He stood stiffly, legs about shoulder width apart, his hands folded behind his back.  I saw Mia did as well.  It was rather sexy to see her standing motionless like that in those heels and skirt.
Celestia eyeballed me as well.  "Ah, you're a CASD volunteer, correct?  Agent Sky, was it?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said, freezing in place and saluting her, doing my best to hide my shock that she remembered my name at all.
She saluted back automatically, then dropped her hoof.  "Okay, enough of that.  Please, relax.  You're making me feel uncomfortable too."  She turned her attention to Cadance again while we stopped making like statues.
"So, you're probably wondering why i wanted to talk to you," Celestia began.  "I have been studying, ah, intel.  You see, there is a movie from Earthside.  The My Little Pony movie, to be exact.  It seemed to me, given the unusual synchronicity of our world and the human television show, that it would be foolish not to investigate a possible threat to our country."
Cadance nodded.  "You mean-"
"The Storm King," Mia gasped, interrupting.  "I loved the My Little Pony movie.  I've watched it, like, I don't know, twenty times?  The Storm King though, he's a real jerk.  But Tempest..."  Mia realized both Celestia and Cadance were staring at her, and she blushed heavily.  "I-I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't mean to interrupt."
"No, you are quite correct," Celestia said softly.  "The Storm King was potentially a viable threat, and I sent agents to scout out his domain after watching the MLP movie.  However, it appears he is not currently an issue.  I don't have all the details, but to my understanding, the broken-horned unicorn Tempest Shadow is currently the one in charge, and she may need our help, even though she has not, and most likely will not, ask for it.  Apparently Equestria was not the only area with leak-through from rifts to dark places, and they are having a poor time of things, or so I've been told."
"The Storm King's domain, though," Mia said softly.  "What do you even know about it?"
"Not enough," Celestia admitted.  "We don't get around quite the same as people do on your world.  We don't have airlines lifting from country to country, although we do have trade and cargo ships, in general, only the merchants tend to travel widely.  Most other countries are not well known, but this is an unusual case."
Cadance blinked at the larger mare.  "This sounds like trouble brewing."
"Obviously, it isn't entirely safe.  But I doubt anypon-, er, anyone there, will try anything with an Equestrian princess along.  They know better than to challenge Alicorn magic."
"That's not how the movie played out," Mia observed.  "As I recall, all of you got captured by those anti-magic ball things."
Celestia nodded.  "Yes, well, you standing here is evidence that things are already not playing out precisely according to the movies."
"Even so, why not send Princess Twilight? In the movie it worked."
Celestia sighed.  "Unfortunately, Princess Twilight and her friends are currently assisting with a nasty monster outbreak in another part of Equestria.  It's become a bit of a burden, to tell the truth.  Even myself and Princess Luna have had to take on frequent exterminator duties.  In fact, that's part of why I am trying to send Princess Cadance as an ambassador.  It seems the majority of the trans-dimensional invaders do not much care for the cold of the frozen lands surrounding the Crystal Empire, and there are few emergent situations in that area.  However, in this region, we have our hooves full."  She paused.  "And in addition, I think Princess Cadance will be better received than myself or my sister.  Our presence may be misconstrued as being of hostile intent.  To contrast, I have yet to meet anyone who considers the Princess of Love to be a harbinger of war."
"I understand," Princess Cadance sighed.  "I will do it.  Please let Shining Armor know I that will be gone for a few days?"
"And your child?" Princess Celestia asked.  "Will she be okay?"
"Flurry Heart will be fine with her father and the nursemaids.  It's not the first time I've had to go on a business trip since she was born."
"Very well.  I will see that the notification is sent."
Cadance turned to us.  "I am sorry, but I believe our paths must part here."
"Do they have to?" Mia asked.  "I'm sorry, but I really want to see this."
Cadance narrowed her eyes.  "Are you sure?  It might, nay, it WILL be dangerous."
"We work in a tunnel full of deadly caged monsters," Mia said pointedly.  "This is a vacation."
Cadance pondered, finally looking at Celestia.  "Would it be acceptable if I were to take them along?"
The larger Alicorn was silent for a moment, obviously thinking.  "Well.  Like we've said repeatedly, it's dangerous, and an extremely sensitive situation.  But perhaps having a completely alien species along for the ride will make this seem less threatening.  I will allow it, provided the humans here are willing to accept the risk."
Cadance bit her lip.  "Okay.  You're welcome to come."
Mia turned suddenly to me.  "Boss?  Can we?"
I shrank into myself a bit.  Mia, Cadance, James, and Celestia all stared at me at me.  "Uhh," I said, withering slightly under the pressure while trying to portray confidence.  "I think I need to call up Director Stephens for this one."
Celestia nodded.  "Do as you must."
I called the Director again.
It rang twice before he picked up this time.
"Miss Sky.  Twice in one day?  To what do I owe this rare occasion?"
"I need to ask your permission for something, ah, unusual," I said.  Then I told him the situation.
"And Princess Cadance is okay with you tagging along?" he finally said, after I had finished.
"That she is, and Princess Celestia as well.  Think of it!  There will be new species.  A society of baboon-like primates, and possibly other anthropomorphs."
"New species?"  I could see the gears turning in his mind.  "Hmm.  Fascinating potential.  We stand to learn much through your observations.  I am a bit worried about the potential danger, however."
"We will be with an Alicorn princess, sir.  One of the most powerful creatures in Equestria."
"Yes, but you won't be in Equestria, will you?"
"I'm sure she is strong enough to contend with almost anything we come across."
Director Stephens stared at me silently for a bit.  "You've not been assigned to us a week, and already you've managed to ditch the facility," he mused.
"That's not technically true, sir.  You did make us take this, ah, vacation."
"Which somehow turned into a monster bash.  Regardless, this is a fascinating opportunity in many ways that we would not have otherwise.  Very well," he finally said.  "But Miss Sky, remember you are an Equestrian native.  Our people aren't as durable as you are.  Play it safe.  I'd rather not have to write a nice memorial speech for any of you."
"We'll be careful.  Trust me, I very much do not want harm to come to my hum- ah, my security personnel."
He nodded, an odd glint in his eye.  "Good.  Report in as soon as possible on your return."
The call ended.
I looked up at the expectantly waiting faces around me, and gave a crooked smirk.  "Okay.  We're in."
> Chapter 28:  The Aristocrats
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once we arrived at the decision to accompany Cadance on her mission, Princess Celestia invited all of us to spend the night at the castle.  I was excited, and I could see Mia and James were as well.  The three of us hadn't planned such an event, and it was pleasantly surprising.
Celestia herself was different than I had expected.  Previously I'd only seen her in stiff, formal capacity, where she had heavy presence and gravity.  But, as she chatted cheerfully with Cadance and led us down the halls, I realized she was just as humorous and friendly behind the scenes as she was grand and imposing in  public.
"So, do you guys want some dinner?  I am famished," she said over her shoulder, breaking my reverie.
"Huh?  What?  Oh.  Oh!  I'm sorry!  I mean, yes ma'am, we haven't eaten in hours," I replied, stumbling out of my train of thought.
"You should address royalty with more formality," Cadance chided sharply.
My heart froze at her tone.  "I, uh..."
Cadance interrupted me, her voice stern and harsh.  "Prithee madam, insomuch as mine companions and myself desire such sustenance as your grace wilt bestow upon us, ah, we be hungry give us some damn food or something?  I don't know what the hay I'm saying," she finished, still in her snooty "rich pony" voice.
Celestia rolled her eyes, and Cadance's cheeks puffed out, then she burst into a raucous laugh.  "Bwahahaha!  I'm sorry, but the look on your face was priceless, like you'd just bitten into a dog-turd pie."
Celestia narrowed her eyes and gently bopped Cadance on the head.  "Be nice, you!  And that is absolutely disgusting."  She then looked back at me.  "You can relax a bit, you know.  I promise I won't throw you in the dungeon if you do."
"The dungeon!" Mia hissed in my ear, walking up close beside me.  "I've been a bad girl.  Tie me up and punish me!"
"Stop!" I whined.
"Make me.  Spank my ass."
"Oh my gosh.  Princess Celestia is like right there, she'll hear you!"
"Hear what?" Celestia asked curiously, flicking an ear towards me.
"N-nothing, just discussing, ah, stuff, with my people," I answered uncomfortably.
"See?  She heard you, not me," Mia whispered again, sticking her tongue out at me.  "Everything was fine until you got all uptight, Miss Goody Twosho-, er, fourshoes?"
"What!  I'm not uptight!" I growled.  "I'm even dressed like you!"
"Yes you are.  You're so scared somepony might hear me saying sexual things!"
"Mia, stop!"
"Hey Eris.  Sex.  SEX.  SEEEXXXX!"
"STOP!"
Celestia halted on a dime, and I plowed into her creamy royal butt, face first.  I froze in absolute horror, tangled up in her gorgeous, flowing tail.  Slowly, I inched my gaze up, dreading what I would see when our eyes met.
I needn't have worried.  She looked back at me mildly.  "Are you okay down there?  You needed me to stop for some reason?"
I crawled backwards, carefully extricating myself from her beautifully shimmering rump-rainbow.  "I, uh, I-I-I," I stuttered, then just shut my mouth and tried again.  "I'm so sorry!  I didn't-"
"It's my fault, ma'am!" Mia interrupted.  "I distracted her too much."
Celestia stared at us both, then chuckled.  "I see.  Try not to injure yourselves before you even depart, please?  You were fortunate this time, I am relatively well cushioned back there.  But if you had walked into a stone pillar or some such unforgiving object, I fear this conversation may have taken a very different turn."
Still snickering, she turned away, swishing her magnificent tail across my face and leaving me blushing hotly with embarrassment.
"That is a great privilege few have enjoyed," Cadance added haughtily, prancing back and forth in front of me with her neck held high.  "Plastering one's face into the royal rear?  Unheard of!  Consider thyself f-f-fortunate!  Hahaha!"  She busted out laughing again, and this time Celestia had difficulty containing herself as well.  I could hear her giggling from behind her hoof, and saw her taking furtive glances in my direction, her eyes filled with friendly mirth.  I was glad she wasn't angry with me for putting my muzzle where it didn't belong, but I think my cheeks would have fried eggs nonetheless.
Mia slipped up against me and put an arm around my shoulders.  "That reminded me of how we met.  Just your pretty face and my butt..."
"I really SHOULD spank you or something," I grumbled, while still allowing her to hug me.  "I can't believe this.  I put my face into Princess Celestia's ass.  How am I gonna live that down?  I'm so humiliated!"
"You'll be fine.  Who wouldn't want your face in their ass?"
I rolled my eyes.  "You're impossible."  I looked back at the princesses, shaking my head.
"And it hasn't been THAT long," I heard Celestia saying to Cadance under her breath.
"Hello, Princess of Love here," Cadance replied trollishly, thumping her chest with a golden hoof.  "You can't fool me, you old prude."
"I am NOT a prude!" Celestia huffed.  "I'll have you know I am actually VERY open minded.  Why just the other day I-" she caught herself, and drew in a deep breath.  "Nice try, Princess Cadance.  Clever.  You almost got me that time."
Cadance scowled.  "One day I'll learn your dirty secrets, Princess Celestia.  Mark my words."
"You are welcome to keep trying."
"Oh, I shall."
A small beep sounded from Celestia's purse.  "Sorry, just a moment."
I watched with no small relief while Celestia paused to deal with something on her tablet, lifting the thin device in front of her face and tapping rapidly on it with a hoof.  It's fortunate that human-made touch devices are sensitive to Equestrian close-range telekinetics.  We can type almost as fast as humans on them.  Sometimes it's difficult to see what you're pressing when your fingers are an invisible magic field, though.  It's a lot easier on an actual keyboard where one uses tactile feedback to find the right letter keys.
I sat watching Celestia type and Cadance figuratively twiddle her thumbs, grateful that my recent humiliating faux pas seemed to have become a thing of the past already.  
"When we met, I liked your face in my butt, Eris," Mia giggled eventually, dragging me right back into it.
"You've got a tight butt," I said without thinking.
"You've both got tight butts," James interjected cheerfully and much too loudly.
"My butt isn't the only thing that's tight,"  Mia giggled wickedly.
I gasped.  "Mia! James!  Stop!"
"It's true though," Cadance beamed.  "You've all got tight butts.  All three of you."  She winked at James.
"Why thank you, ma'am," James grinned.  "I do a lot of squats."
"It shows."
"Oh my gosh, all three of you stop," I hissed.  "Ma'am," I added as an afterthought.
Cadance snorted at my use of the word, but didn't reply.
"Okay, all done," Celestia said abruptly, starting forward again.  "Follow me please, the dining room is just ahead."
She walked towards a large double door and opened it with her magic.  We followed in a gaggle, passing into an impressive room with decorations I ignored in favor of the table containing multiple steaming trays of food, which interested me greatly. 
As we approached the dinner table, I heard the door open again behind us, and another regal voice rang out.  "Good evening, sister!"
I swung my head around, taking in the sight of a familiar blue night-shift Alicorn.
Celestia smiled.  "Good eveni-"
"Princess Luna!"  Mia gasped, interrupting Celestia, who eyeballed her quizzically.
Mia blanched and her hands went over her mouth.  "Oh no.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to talk over you!"
Celestia stared her silently for a moment, then chuckled.  "This is an exciting time for you, I can tell." 
Cadance abruptly reared up, reached out a hoof, and patted Mia's head.  "She is quite thrilled to be here," she explained, stroking down to her shoulders.  "She can barely contain herself."  Cadance squeezed up between Mia and James, and her hooves slipped casually down to their asses.
Mia flinched and squeaked in surprise, but relaxed when she realized it was Cadance who had just put hooves all over her.
Celestia shook her head good-naturedly.  "I can tell.  It's rather adorable."  Either not noticing or ignoring Mia's immediate blush, she then smiled at Luna.  "Please join us for dinner?" she continued.
Luna approached, and looked Mia up and down, taking in her skirt, heels, and tight fitting top.  She nodded her head in approval.  "Truly, this one does have good taste in clothing.  I would much enjoy duplicating her style."
"I, ah, would be happy to help with that," Mia said distractedly, her eyes locked on Cadance.
I noticed the pink Alicorn in question was still casually draped between my humans.  She was nonchalantly squeezing both their asses in a way I could easily see from my position slightly behind them, but Celestia and Luna could not.
"I've never been this close to humans before today," Cadance purred cheerfully, her eyes wide and guileless, both her forehooves crushed eagerly against their firm butts.  I could see she was really going to town with her close-range telekinesis, invisible fingers squashing their rear ends like a baker kneading dough.
"What do you think of it so far?"  James asked her.  "The proximity, I mean."
"It's really a fascinating experience," Cadance replied thoughtfully, rubbing his ass in a circular motion.
"Oh I'm sure it is," I agreed stiffly, rolling my eyes at her.
"Definitely."  She smiled sweetly at me, her face a mask of pure childlike innocence while her sneaky forehoof slipped up under Mia's tiny skirt from behind, exposing her white panties.
Mia's eyes grew wide as the Alicorn groped her through the thin fabric.  "P-princess Cadance," she gasped, leaning her head back against her shameless molester.  "Oh my goodness.  I-ah, I don't think I need another autograph just yet."
Celestia and Luna, who still couldn't see anything unusual from their position in front of us, looked at each other in confusion.  "What?"
"An inside joke between friends," I replied smoothly, shooting the naughty pink Alicorn a fierce glare.  "One which I fear would require too much time and effort for our dear Princess Cadance to explain just now."  I was a bit surprised at the venom in my own voice.
Cadance hurriedly pulled her hoof back out from under Mia's skirt, carefully avoiding eye contact with me.  "Well then.  Dinner, was it?"  She released James and Mia, regret drawn plainly on her face as she slipped back to the floor.
I turned towards the table, distracted despite my increasingly foul mood at the mention of food.  "It smells really good."
"It IS really good," Luna commented, raising her fork.  I had no idea how she sat down so fast, but I wasn't about to let her get much farther ahead in the eating race.
We quickly took seats, James and Mia sitting next to me and Cadance plopping down across from us.
I eyeballed the serving trays with rapt interest.  "Is that lasagna?" I asked.
"It's pasta night," Celestia said from the head of the table.  "It's modest, I know, but it's a weeknight.  The banquet room is quite a bit more impressive."
"No, this is fantastic," I exclaimed.  "Thank you for having us."
Celestia nodded.  "Ring the bell if you need anything extra.  Oh, and don't forget to try the manicotti."
"Manicotti?" James's eyes widened.  "I love manicotti!"
"Here."  Cadance levitated the tray to him, holding it while he scooped out a large amount of the cheesy, saucy pasta.  She offered it to Mia next, then me.
"I've got it, thanks," I said, taking the tray in my own magic.  It smelled amazing, and I felt myself salivating as I shoveled some out onto my plate.
"Salad?"  Luna asked.
"Thanks!"
"Eggplant parmesan?"
"Ohhh!"
By the time I was done with the passing trays, I had a considerable quantity on my plate.  There was relative silence for a few minutes while we dug in.
"So," James asked eventually as our eating slowed.  "How are we going to get there?"
"You'll be travelling by airship out of the Canterlot skyport," Celestia explained, taking a drink from her magically held glass. 
"Airship?"
"A dirigible.  We don't really have fixed-wing aircraft like your world does, much less quadcopters."
"Well I'm a bit surprised.  Can we bring all our stuff?"
"The airship has a high cargo capacity.  You could even bring a few vehicles."
"I guess we'll take the SUV then?" James said, turning it into a question directed at me.
"Yeah, let's do it," I agreed.  "Might come in handy."
"Take whatever you need."  Celestia patted her mouth daintily with a napkin.  "Just try to go easy on the weapons.  We don't want to give the idea we are arming a revolution or something, and I don't want to give them a lot of hardware to use against us if things reach an...  unfortunate conclusion."
This sobering thought dampened my spirits for a bit, and it seemed the others were thoughtful too.
Mia broke the uncomfortable silence.  "Hey, is that a human-made stereo?  Can I use it?"  She pointed at a rather imposing set of speakers and equipment on a DJ platform raised high above the floor on the other end of the room.
"Of course you may," Celestia nodded.  "It was a gift from Jeff- ah, I mean, Mr. Peterson."
"Jeffrey Peterson?  The owner of ProteC?" James asked.
"Yes.  We sort of saved the world together.  Two worlds.  Maybe more, I don't know."  Celestia sounded a little wistful.  "He's given me quite a few things since then.  He comes to dinner and such, sometimes."
"I see.  I've never met him, myself.  I'm just a small guy on the totem pole.  I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Er- er, Miss Sky, our boss lady."  He gestured at me, and I gave a weak smile.
"Find local device...  link output..." Mia muttered, tapping menus on her holobracelet.  "How about Imagine Dragons," she said.
"Who?"  Luna asked.  "I'm still learning my Earthside musicians.  Have you heard Moby?  I like Moby."
"Moby is good," Mia agreed, absently.  "Ah.  There we go.  Have some "Thunder!"  She made a swiping motion across her holomenu towards the large sound system.
The indicator lights glowed to life, and the song boosted and boomed out.  The Sony stereo was expensive and professional-quality, large speakers on either side of a holoprojector capable of presenting video or expansive ambient effects, which it was doing now.  Essentially the far end of the dining room turned into a dance floor, complete with lasers and floating holographic objects.
"I like this song," Cadance smiled, closing her eyes and bobbing her head to the beat.  "I wanna dance."
"You are more than welcome to do so," Luna urged.  "It would be entertaining."
"Okay.  Try not to laugh though."  She slid out of her chair and moved to the empty space on the floor.
"Wait up," Mia called out, following her.  "I'll come with you."  She trotted up beside Cadance, the holograms providing shimmering illumination to the pair as they tapped and pranced next to each other.
"Damn, they're pretty good," James observed.
"I didn't know Mia could dance," I said, feeling a small pang of jealousy at the fun those two were having.
"Can you?"
I snorted.  "Don't be ridiculous.  Have you seen me walk?  I faceplant on flat ground for no reason whatsoever."
"You're not so bad-hey, what are they doing?"
I looked back at Mia and Cadance.  Mia had gotten up under the tall platform and was gripping one of the chromed support poles.  I wasn't sure what she was doing at first, then she gave a kick and my breath caught in my throat.
Oh my gosh.  She's practically levitating.  That's incredible.
"Mia can pole dance," I gasped, once I regained control of my hanging mouth and blinked my eyes back into their sockets.
Mia spun around, twirling like a fairy on a spring breeze, her skirt covering very little of her long outstretched legs.
"She makes it look so easy," James said.  "I didn't know she could do that."
"I didn't realize she was so strong," I marvelled, watching her invert on the pole, her thighs clamped on it above her head.  Her skirt fell up over her waist, exposing every inch of her underwear, and my other thoughts simply scrambled in my mind as sudden pleasant heat wormed its way through my stomach.  To say i was enjoying the show would be to put it mildly.
James put an arm around me, and I squeezed my legs together, trying to curb the growing desire to squirm around in my chair.  
Mia did things I hadn't ever seen before, which is to be expected since I haven't spent much time in the places where such things were popular.  I wanted to see more, her streaming pink hair, curved hips, and lithe movements combining to inspire a storm of desire inside me.  I wanted to watch forever, but all too soon the song ended, and Mia landed lightly on her heels alongside Cadance, who immediately gave her a hug.  It didn't even look like she was breathing hard.
"Wow," I sighed.  "So beautiful.  I wish I could do that."
Motion from the head of the table caught my eye, and I suddenly remembered to be worried about what Luna and Celestia would think after witnessing Mia's highly provocative display.  I braced for their displeasure, but then they both lifted their forehooves and began clopping them together vigorously.  I joined in, relieved.  Maybe I'm a little bit paranoid after all.


***


Celestia had provided us with four rooms, two on each side of a long hallway in one of the castle's wings before she headed to bed.  Of course myself, James, and Mia were all hanging out in one of them as soon as she left.
And Cadance.
Her presence was becoming increasingly annoying to me.  Mia and James seemed to be very happy with her, which annoyed me even further.
As expected, the conversation had already turned to sex again.  Her cute little laugh and mannerisms were charming, adorable, and making me sick.
I tried to hold my feelings in, because she WAS a nice pony.  She was friendly and funny and just always right there making everyone laugh and smile, which didn't help my growing irritability.
"What would your husband say?" I finally asked as she sat in James's lap, my voice having the slightest edge to it despite my efforts to control it.  "How does he feel about how you act?'
Cadance cocked her head at me, blinking.  "Shining Armor?  He wouldn't mind at all.  See, we love each other very much, and he knows I would never leave him for anypony.  He doesn't mind if I, ah, have a little fun.  In fact, he likes to see it."
"And you feel the same?"
Cadance shrugged.  "I like to watch, in case you hadn't noticed.  I don't mind anything he does, because no matter what, I know he'll always come home to me.  I mean, if he's not like doing stuff in front of me in our home already.  Like, in our bed or something.  Like, sometimes he-"
"Okay I think we get the picture," I said quickly, stopping her.
"I could have listened a bit longer," James grumbled crossly, shooting me a glare.
"Sorry," I said in a tone that had absolutely no regret in it whatsoever.  "But we have business to attend to, and it's difficult when certain people keep getting sidetracked."  I stared pointedly at Cadance.
Cadance looked at me questioningly for a moment, then her eyes widened and her mouth made a little silent "oh" shape.  "Um, may I talk to you for a moment?" she asked me nervously.  "In private?"  She climbed down off of James and moved beside me.
"I-I suppose so, ah, ma'am," I replied stiltedly.  I turned to James and Mia.  "I guess we'll be back in a moment, then."
Mia looked at the two of us worriedly.  "Is something wrong?"
"Uh, boss stuff," I replied quickly.  I could see neither of them fully believed me, but Mia didn't ask any more questions as she rested her head on James's shoulder.
"Okay.  We'll be here," she said quietly.
I walked with Cadance into the other room, and she shut the door behind us.  "Eris?  May I call you that?"
I sat stiffly on the floor and folded my forelegs across my chest.  "Call me whatever you want, Princess Cadance."
She looked at me, and for the first time I saw genuine regret in her eyes.  "Eris, I'm sorry.  For how I've been behaving.  It wasn't right."
I just stared at her, letting her continue.
"I didn't mean to make you jealous.  I'm too free with my hooves.  I should have realized-"
"No, wait," I protested.  "That's, uh, actually, not really..."  I trailed off, unfolding my forelegs and running a hoof through my mane.  "It's not you playing with my friends...  oh crap, this is hard to explain."
She just looked at me.  "You're not jealous?  I mean, I figured maybe you think I'm trying to steal your lovers.  I swear I'm not, I'm happily married."
I sighed.  "Well, okay, maybe a LITTLE, but to be honest about that..."  I leaned towards her a little.  "Being a little jealous, ah, it's not entirely unpleasant.  It was making me a bit, um, excited, to be honest."
A slow smile spread accross her face.  "Hmm.  So, maybe you know how I feel when I watch Shining Armor pounding another mare with his big, hard-"
"It's because I don't feel you're taking this seriously enough," I blurted, cutting her off.
"What?"
"We're going with you into potential danger, right?  You know how you just rescued us from that hive?  I'm still upset about what happened.  I don't even like being this far away from Mia right now.  I know she's safe here, but my heart doesn't.  I'm still terrified of l-l-losing..."  Oh how I hated myself at that moment, I started fucking crying right there in front of the Princess of the Crystal Empire.  The perfect humiliation icing for the crap cake I'd made of the evening.
She gaped at me while I blubbered softly, not wanting my darlings to hear me falling apart in the other room.  Tears and snot ran down my face, dripping from my nose, and then suddenly Cadance was all around me.  She put her forehooves around my shoulders, and unfolded her wings, snuggling me in a feathery cocoon.  "There, there," she cooed.  "It's okay.  You'll be okay."
"I'm s-s-sorry," I choked.  "I'm still messed up.  It was a really b-b-bad day."
"It's fine.  You're strong, and you saved her."
"A-actually, you saved all of us when I failed," I sobbed.  "I shouldn't doubt you.  But I just felt s-so frustrated watching you joke around.  It made me feel like something bad might happen.  I got angry at you."
"I'm sorry," Cadance breathed.  "I didn't realize-"
"It's not your fault.  It's mine.  I'm sorry for being an asshole to you."
"You're fine."
"It'll be okay, right?  I mean, you do take it seriously, right?"
"I-"
"N-no, don't answer, it's a stupid question," I interrupted her.  "I'm s-sorry.  I'm being so rude."
"No, you're not.  I'm an Alicorn, Eris.  I'm strong.  I won't let anything bad happen to you or your friends, especially since I let you guys come along.  I'd never forgive myself if something happened to any of you.  I'd die first."
"I believe you," I sniffled, my waterworks slowly drying up.  I did believe her.  Pervy or not, I knew she was a kind, strong girl, and I trusted her.  I also felt like a genuine turd for getting mad at the pony who'd saved my life only hours before.  "I'm sorry for, for...  whatever I did.  Doubting you.  I don't know.  I'm sorry for being such an asshole."
"It's okay.  Really, I like you, and your friends.  I'm glad you... shared this with me."
I buried my face in her soft chest.  "If you have sex with them, I won't be angry," I mumbled.
"If we did, it would just be play," she said, softly, stroking my mane.  "I know you really love them.  It's like the way I love my husband.  It's different from simple sex.  I'd die for him in a heartbeat, and he'd do the same for me."
I sighed, enjoying her comforting warmth.  "Yeah.  And he still doesn't mind watching you ride some other cock."
"Fetishes don't always make sense," Cadance giggled.
"So true," I giggled too, thinking of some of the things I'd done with Mia and James.
"And I don't like just cock," Cadance whispered, suddenly kissing me on top of my muzzle.
"Oh dear," I said, blushing again.  "Uh, I'm, ah, uh," I mumbled.  "Oh my."
She began to release me from my warm, comfy safety zone.  "Just something to think about," she winked, pulling back her forehooves and wings.
"I'm not into mares," I said, lacking conviction as I continued to press against her fluffy chest.
She gently pushed me off her body, folding her lovely wings behind her.
I sighed.  "Ah.  Hello, cruel world.  Oh how I've missed you, cold floor."
"Well, maybe I can wrap you up again sometime," she suggested, eyes twinkling.  "But your friends are waiting for you right now, you should probably get back to them before they start to wonder what I'm doing to you in here with the door closed."
I saluted.  "Yes, ma'am."
"Ugh!  Stop that!"
We both giggled.
> Chapter 29:  The Armory
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning I woke up, relaxed and comfortable.  Someone soft and warm was pressed up against me in the bed.
"Mmph?" I muttered.  It felt nice, but somewhat strange at the same time.  It was too fluffy, not smoothly warm like I'd come to expect from my humans.  I lazily opened an eye to see why Mia's body felt so different today.
Princess Cadance was cuddled up against me under the blankets, fast asleep with a deeply contented look on her face.
"Eeek!  What are you doing here?" I squawked in surprise.
"Hmm?" she yawned.
"How did you even..." I paused, remembering Cadance using the room next to ours last night.  We'd left the connecting doors open, and completely ignored the other two rooms on the far side of the hall.
"I was lonely and cold.  Mia said it was okay," Cadance added hopefully.  "And you didn't say no."
"I was asleep!"
"You still didn't say no!"
I narrowed me eyes.  "What did you do to me?"
"Nothing!  Well, mostly nothing..."  she giggled nervously and her eyes flicked away guiltily. 
"You know what?  I don't even care.  Just go back to sleep."  I closed my eyes again.  It still felt nice being jammed in here between Mia and Cadance.  A good thing Canterlot Castle had massive beds, otherwise I imagined it would have been a bit cramped with all four of us in it.  Eventually I fell back asleep.
An unknown length of time later, I awoke to a kiss on the back of my head.  "Morning, fuzzpoof."
"Hi, Mia."
"Did you have a good sleep?"
"Y-yeah, I think so."  I lay spooned between her and the princess, who had put a wing over me at some point. "I didn't expect this."
Cadance opened her eyes slightly at my stirring, but didn't say anything.
Mia laughed.  "It was for warmth, dear.  How could a mere commoner refuse the request of a powerful Equestrian princess?
"Whatever," I grumbled.  "I hear excuses."
"Well then.  It seems I'm not wanted here.  I guess I'll just get up and-" Cadance tried to fold her wing back and move off the bed.  I quickly grabbed it and pulled it up to my nose, wiggling underneath like it was a blanket.
"You can stay a little longer," I mumbled, muffled by her feathers.
"Oh, yeah?"  She relaxed, letting me have her wing.
"Yeah.  Where's James?"  I asked, peeking out.
"I'm right here," I heard him say from the far side of Mia.  "There's three hot girls in this bed.  Where else would I rather be?"
"Hmm.  Good point."  I lay still for a moment.  "Well you know, if three's a crowd, then four's-"
"An orgy?" Cadance suggested.
"I was going to say a lot of weight on the mattress springs, but whatever."


***


We did not have an orgy, since we had a lot of stuff to get ready this morning and I had been incredibly lazy, with little to no additional motivation coming from Cadance until the sun was up.
Soon after we finally got out of bed, we met Celestia at breakfast in the kitchen.  I immediately noticed the ARHUD she was wearing.
"Is Princess Luna not coming?" Mia asked, disappointment evident in her tone.  "I imagined she would be coming, ah, off-shift just about now?"
"Ordinarily, you would be correct, however my sister had to deal with an incursion late last night.  She has yet to return," the Princess replied, tapping her goggles gently with a hoof.  "I am in contact with her right now."
"That's unfortunate," I mumbled.
"Such is leadership," Celestia smiled at me, her expression tired.  "It never ends.  Although, things have been a little easier since Twilight became an Alicorn and began dealing with some of the issues facing Equestria, but then, of course, the human breach happened, and all hell broke loose."  She nodded at James and Mia.  "Not that I blame anyone.  We are glad to have new friends, and none of you foresaw or wanted the collateral damage."
She waved at the seats, and we sat down at the table to enjoy a simple but pleasant meal of cheesy garden omelettes and fluffy pancakes with butter and maple syrup.
"This is delicious," James gasped, eating greedily.
"Thank you, I made it myself," Celestia said, then smiled at our surprised looks.  "What?  I enjoy cooking sometimes."
"Well, I also enjoy your cooking," James replied.  "And it's not every day I get to say I ate food prepared by a princess."
Cadance looked as if she wanted to say something, but thought better of it at the last moment.  Judging from the mischievous expression on her face, I had a feeling it wasn't about food.  Fortunately nobody else noticed.
"I am taking you all to the armory afterwards," Celestia informed us after a bit.  "The airship will be ready later this morning, and I hope you can be well equipped by then."
"That shouldn't be a problem," James offered.  "I know what I'm looking for."
Celestia nodded.  "Good."


***


The armory was protected by two guards, both carrying human-made shotguns and wearing ARHUDs.  They jerked to attention at Princess Celestia's graceful approach.
"Good morning, ma'am!"
"At ease, soldiers, and a fine morning to you as well," Celestia replied musically.  She held out her hoof to the door, activating a holopanel, then stared into the emitter while it scanned her retinas.  The door unlocked with a beep and a click, and Celestia passed through, gesturing for the rest of us to follow.
"I didn't realize Canterlot Castle had this level of technology," I commented.
"It's recent," Celestia explained.  "Jeff...  ProteC, I mean, wanted to set up a few places where company personnel in Equestria could re-arm or equip if necessary.  Canterlot Castle was an obvious choice, and they made a few upgrades to our vaults before utilizing them."  She continued out into the room as she talked.  I was impressed at the size, it was more than large enough to play basketball in, if not for the low ceilings and numerous racks of hardware.  It looked as if a lot of the usual pony halberds, spears, axes, and other such traditional stock had been moved off into one corner, and the main floor was now filled with stands of rifles, shotguns, pistols, and a few other things I didn't even recognize.
"What's that?" I asked James, pointing a hoof.
His eyes lit up.  "Wow.  Looks like an anti-aircraft missile launcher!  And over there, you see that?  I think it's a personal low recoil micro artillery cannon.  It must be a new prototype, last I heard those didn't even exist!"
"We have quite a few special items," Celestia beamed.  "You should see the new vehicle bay.  We have armored personnel carriers, and even a couple of beam tanks!"
James whistled.  "That's impressive.  Those things cost millions apiece."
"Of course it's technically still ProteC property, but I have permission to crew them with trained ponies if I deem it necessary," Celestia continued.  "Jeff told me he trusts me to make the right decisions, and any use I make of these items won't be second-guessed."
"Sounds like you got the hookup," James grinned.
"Oh, yes, the hookup is mine, thanks to Jeff.  I can also issue you guys equipment, as we are doing now."
"Great.  We should get some exos, just in case," James said.
Celestia pointed a hoof.  "Right over there.  Help yourselves, they're fully charged."  She reached out a hoof, easily lifted a heavy-looking rifle from a nearby shelf, checked the chamber, then went bipedal to shoulder it, aiming it away from us at an empty wall.  "I do enjoy your human weapons," she said, smirking as she looked down the optic.
I felt a sudden surge of pride.  Celestia looked genuinely awesome like that, and I knew she had used a weapon like this in actual combat against the forces of Shub-Niggurath.
"That looks like a fifty caliber," James said in awe.  "May I?"
"Certainly."  She carefully handed the firearm  to James, who grunted at the weight, but managed to shoulder it with an effort, his muscles rippling under his Hawaiian shirt.  "You made it look so easy," he said, lowering the massive rifle quickly and handing it back to the Alicorn.
"I'm a bit stronger than I look," Celestia purred demurely, placing the rifle tenderly back on its rack.  "I do have a special like for this particular weapon, as well.  It made short work of some very unpleasant creatures."
"I wish I could have seen that," James sighed wistfully.  "I bet you looked awesome as hell."
Celestia said nothing, but her easy smile spoke louder than words.
"So, uh,"  Mia pointed at some shelves of clothing near the folded exo suits.  "Can I hit that up?  This skirt is fun for the sun and all, but I'm thinking I should have brought something a little more durable, at this rate."
"Of course.  All of you, grab whatever you need.  I brought an inventory scanner, just scan what you're taking so we can reorder from ProteC."
"Thanks!"  Mia quickly walked over to the clothing, then began poking about the shelves and humming to herself, pulling an item off here and there.
Cadance and I followed her.
"Did you find everything?" our princess asked after a few minutes had passed and Mia had accumulated a small stack of clothing.
"Yeah, lemme get changed real quick."  Mia rapidly yanked her shirt off, exposing her bra, then tossing her top over a nearby rack.  She then pulled her skirt down and did the same, standing there in nothing but her underwear before bending over to take her heels off.  Conveniently, her ass stuck out directly towards Cadance's pleased face.
"Oh my, this is most interesting,"  Princess Pervert said, smiling lasciviously, her muzzle only a fraction of an inch from Mia's waving butt.  "I certainly am glad I came down here."  She licked her lips hungrily, then the tip of her tongue reached out towards the thin fabric of Mia's panties.
"Come on, you," I grunted, tugging at Cadance's resistant shoulder.  "I'm going to put a few extra decorations on your slender bod."
"Huh?  What?  What do you have in mind?"  The disappointment was palpable in her voice.
"This," I said, pulling a thigh holster out of a nearby bin and telekinetically drifting it to her leg.
"Can you put it on for me?" she asked.  "I've never done it before."
"Oh, fine."  I hovered the straps down around her thighs.
"No!  Wait!  Use your hooves.  Do it slowly."
"You're such a liar," I chuckled, buckling the device on her and giving her a pat on her pink butt.
"No, I really haven't put one on.  I did get trained to use pistols, but I made the human instructor help me put my gear on.  I may have accidentally rubbed against his fingers, too.  You should have seen the poor boy blush."
"You're really a very bad mare," I said, shaking my head.
"Me?  You don't mean that!"
"Yeah, you're right.  You're actually a very nice mare."
"Do you really think so?"
"All joking aside?  Yes, I do.  Now let's arm you up."
"Wait! Do you think I'm pretty, too?"
"Y-yeah, I guess?" I didn't like where this conversation was going.
"Would you eat my pussy?"
I felt my face heat up.  "Cadance!  Stop!"
"How about letting me eat yours?  Don't you think my face would be prettier between your legs?"
"Stop!  I-I'm not into...  Uh..."  I trailed off, losing my focus to the image of her licking me like a popsicle.  I felt rather betrayed to find my nether regions tingling eagerly at the thought.
"I-I'm not into mares," I finally managed to squeak, thrusting the imagery from my mind with an effort of will.
She pouted.  "Fine.  But I notice you didn't say no."
I sighed .  "Let's get you dressed, Your Royal Highness."
"You still didn't say no!  And if you call me that again, I am going to tie you up in the dungeon and punish you until you beg me to let you finish."
"Okay, fine!"  I paused as her choice of words processed.  "Hey, wait, what did you say?"
Cadance was already setting off on a different tack.  "Hey, what's Mia doing?"
I looked where she pointed her hoof.  Mia was wearing an exo suit over her new cargo pants and polo shirt.  She was gracefully performing an odd series of fluid movements, rotating her arms in long, wide circles and flexing her legs and body into strange positions.  It was reminiscent of yoga exercises.
"Oh, she's calibrating the new frame," I explained.  "An uncalibrated exo is set with basic range of motion limits, it can be restrictive or even dangerous to operate in such a state.  Calibration makes sure it fits the individual and compensates for personal differences in height, weight, joint flexibility, et cetera."
"Oh.  Humans have some interesting and complicated machines."
"You don't know the half of it."
Cadance's expression went sly, a look I was all too familiar from both Mia and her.
"No," I said before she could speak.  "Stop.  I know that face.  Yes there are all kinds of perverted sex machines Earthside, and no, we don't have time to discuss them at this moment.  Now march your pink ass right over there to those boxes, young lady.  I am fitting you with an ARHUD.  Why don't you have one already, anyway?"
"I'm older than you, sweetie.  And there is currently no signal out in the Crystal Empire," she shrugged.  "But that's supposed to change soon, once ProteC starts launching the network drones."
"What?"
"You didn't know?  Celestia mentioned it to us some time ago.  They're going to expand the wireless network over more of Equestria with high-altitude autonomous aircraft.  Soon I'll be able to download all the human porn I want without coming to Canterlot."
I sighed heavily.  "You taint everything."
"Heh heh.  You said 'taint'."
I groaned even more heavily.


***


Some time later, I had Cadance pretty well tricked out with a pistol, rifle, holoband, ARHUD, and some other miscellaneous devices.  As a Princess, she had already gone through training on most of the equipment in the weeks since the collision between ours and the human world, so I didn't have to teach her how to use everything from scratch.
I looked over to where James was creating a pile of crates.  He'd lost his Hawaiian shirt and shorts for a new ProteC uniform.  Between his new exo and Celestia's telekinesis, it seemed preparations were going rather well.
Once I finished helping Cadance back out of her gear and put it into a Pelican case, she patted me on the shoulder.
"Hey, I need to trot downtown and buy a few things before we leave.  It looks like James is gonna be awhile yet, so, like, I know you probably want to finish up here, but do you want me to pick anything up for you?"
I thought about it.  "Uh, is a few clothing items okay?"
"Sure!  I like clothing items!  How about like a nice lace teddy?  Body stocking?  Maybe a sheer-"
"Not THAT kind of clothing.  Here, I'll send a list to your holobracelet, okay?"
"Okay.  I'll hurry."
I watched her scamper off out the door.
"Hey!  Why'd you chase her away?" Mia protested.
"I didn't!  She needs to buy some stuff!"
"Uh huh."
"Honestly!"
"Okay, okay.  I believe you.  I was just playing."
I shook my head, then looked with interest at the boxes James was preparing to drag out to the SUV.  "Lemme guess, party favors?" I called out.
"For a big-ass party," he replied with a wink.
"Hopefully not as big as the last one," I shuddered.
"Hopefully not, but I brought extra favors just in case."
"Party poppers," I snickered.
"Plenty to go around."


***


Luna came by while Cadance was out shopping.  She looked worn out, yet still regally beautiful even with her drooping eyelids and sleepy expression.
"Celestia.  I came to say goodnight.  Or good day, rather," she said, her voice wrung with exhaustion.
Celestia hurried over to her, and gave her a hug.  "Sleep well, dear sister.  It is late for you.  Sleep in a bit tonight.  I will cover for you."
"Thank you for this kindness," Luna replied.  She managed to wave at us before turning to leave.  "Enjoy safe travels, friends, and please relay to Princess Cadance my support and well wishes."
As I watched her stumble away, I could easily understand why they were farming out missions like ours.  One princess can only do so much without collapsing, even if she is a powerful Alicorn.


***


"I got you your things," Cadance called out some time later, trotting towards me with a colorful paper bag.
"Oh, thanks!"  I took it from her eagerly.  "That was fast.  What are those other bags?"
"Some surprises for you and your friends.  You can't have them yet, I'm saving them for later."
"Oh.  I'm afraid to ask," I muttered.  "So, how much do I owe you?"
"Nothing.  My Princess salary isn't bad, especially since it includes meals and housing.  I can afford to treat you."
"I can't take your money!" I protested feebly.
"You will, or I'll give you something else to take," Cadance grinned, licking her muzzle suggestively.
"I-I'm just going to go get dressed, then," I replied, my cheeks getting hot all over again.  I hurried away, finding a bathroom where I quickly stripped out of Mia's skirt and top.  There may be no nudity taboo in Equestria, but changing clothes is still something I wouldn't do in front of two Princesses.  It's just one of those things that makes one feel less presentable until it's finished.  Obviously Mia doesn't share my reservations, though.
I was oddly eager as I rummaged through the tissue paper in the bag, revealing several new sets of my relatively inexpensive self-styled ProteC uniform.  I quickly pulled on the black pantyhose, hot pants, boots, and top, strapping my pistol back on with a thigh holster I'd snagged earlier in the armory. I then surveyed myself in the mirror.  It felt like I was back on duty again, yet still enjoying the freedom of having no-one to answer to.  Well unless I counted Princess Cadance, and she was so obscenely relaxed that it barely mattered.  I was sure could pretty much do whatever I wanted and she would probably not only let me do it, but demand to help me.
"Like you're gonna do anything crazy that Mia and Cadance wouldn't beat you to," I told my reflection and stuck my tongue out.
Shoving Mia's skirt and tank in the bag atop my extra new clothes, I tripped happily back to Cadance and Mia.
The Alicorn's eyes bugged out when she saw me.  "Well, I must say, that's a good look on you," she crooned.  "Could you turn around?"
"Uh, okay?"
"Stop!"
I froze.  "Why?"
She stuck her face close to my butt.  "I'm inspecting your rump.  Those shorts have a nice ass effect.  Could you lift your tail higher please?"
"I will do nothing of the sort," I growled, turning to face her.
"And such adorable boots," she continued cheerfully, not missing a beat while she eye-fucked me.  "I may have to try this outfit myself.  It's sexy."
"Th-thanks?  Well, there's a few spare sets, after all. I'd be happy to-"
"Maybe I'll just wear the one you're wearing after you get it all sweaty and dirty,"  Cadance purred sweetly.
I had no idea what to say to that.  I just stood there stupidly with my mouth hanging open.  Thankfully Mia approached at this moment, saving me.
"Hey, you're back in those clothes I like," she observed.  "I approve.  Just let me check something?"
"Uh, okay?"
She grabbed my tail and pulled it up, then put her other hand on my ass.  "Wow, it's perfect."
Okay, maybe she wasn't saving me.
"Oh, that is nice," Cadance chimed in, rubbing my butt with her hoof as well.  "So smooth!"
"H-hey, what are you guys doing?" I hissed, feeling like a piece of meat on sale, to use a human turn of speech.  "That's not just- ooohhh!"
"Admiring your outfit,"  Cadance replied.  "I love these nylons on you."  Her hoof moved to my inner thighs, and she stroked me through my black bikini shorts.
"Ughh!  Gosh, stop it you two, Celestia is gonna see!"
Cadance giggled, not stopping at all.  "Relax, she's totally distracted by your hunky boyfriend."
"Not her too," I groaned.  "I don't think I can handle any more people in our bed."
"Nah, don't worry, she's not like me," Cadance explained, continuing her unabashed massaging of my crotch, much to Mia's obvious amusement.  "Celestia is relatively old-fashioned.  If she's got sexual interests, she hides them well.  It's a nut I've been trying to bust for years.  Get it?  Bust a nut?  Years of nut, Eris.  Just think of it."
I groaned.  "I'm trapped between twin pervs of different species.  Why me?"
"Maybe you're just lucky?" Mia licked my nose.
"It's your destiny," Cadance stated grandly, tossing her beautiful mane and giving my butt a gentle slap.
"Why are you like this?" I asked.  "Why are you so... molesty?"
"Well, I just see no reason to have less fun in life," Cadance said.  "Remember in high school how you were about sex?"
I thought about the times I'd sucked off the stallions under the desks in science lab as a little filly, trying not to gag on the jizz filling my mouth so the teacher wouldn't hear me.
"I've no idea what you're talking about," I lied.  "I wasn't into guys until much later on."  I could practically feel my tight little hotpants catching fire at that whopper.
"You're a terrible liar, Eris.  And you can stop presenting now.  Celestia's coming this way."
Aghast, I realized I'd been pushing my ass out to her without thinking about it.  I adjusted quickly.  By the time Celestia reached us, we all looked rather casual, sitting on the floor.
"Oh, there you are," she said, looking a bit perplexed at our overly-innocent expressions.  "Am I interrupting something?"
"No, not at all," Cadance chirped.  "We were just...  looking at Mia's boots.  Aren't they cool?"
"I, ah, suppose so," Celestia said politely, evidently trying hard to disguise her complete lack of interest in anyone's boots.  Score one for Cadance's quick thinking, although I was starting to doubt that Celestia would lose her mind if she found us fooling around.  She seemed way too chill to get overly excited about such unimportant things.
"Well, if you've all completed preparations, then I shall see you to your vehicle.  Takeoff time is approaching."


***


"She sure talks about 'Jeff' a lot," James confided while he drove us towards the skyport.  "Do they, like, have a thing?"
"I honestly don't know," Cadance said.  She narrowed her eyes.  "Celestia may seem sweet and open, but she is a steel lockbox when I try to get certain information.  For all I can squeeze out of her, she might be a virgin!  Not that I believe such a thing.  I only wonder what crazy fetish secrets she's hiding from me.  Golden showers?  Bukkake gangbangs?  Scat orgies?"  Her eyes widened as she considered possibilities.  "Oh my gosh, what if she's into her own sister?  A secret, forbidden incestuous kink?  I mean they live in this castle practically alone, they could do whatever they want!"
"What about the guards?" Mia asked.  "I mean they'd probably talk, right?"
"Like they'd say anything if the Princesses told them not to.  Or,  OR!  What if they invite the guards to come and watch and jerk off while they eat each other out?  Without even inviting ME!"
"Well now you're just going right off the deep end.  Maybe she just enjoys seeing you get frustrated trying to figure it out?"  I suggested, rolling my eyes at Cadance's ridiculous conspiracy theories.
"One day, she will trip up.  One day, I will find out her dirty secrets," Cadance huffed.
"You know, you're incredibly nosy," I observed in a neutral tone.
"And you've gotten quite sassy for somepony who was so uptight and scared of offending me yesterday."
"That was before you masturbated yourself until you drowned while watching us have sex, you skinny pink hussy."
"Yeeeah, I guess that has a way of breaking the ice."
We both giggled.  It seemed like we'd been doing that a lot today.
"Hey, I hate to interrupt, but I think that's our ship," James said, pointing out the windshield.
"Whoa."
> Chapter 30:  On Gilded Clouds
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------






(Art by Sugary Violet)


The airship dwarfed everything around it.  Buildings, ponies, all were tiny before the behemoth.  I had seen these machines in the sky before, of course, but this was my first time being so close to one, and this particular vessel was one of the largest.  I gawked out the window, my mouth hanging open unheeded.
"Girls and dudes, may I present the Pride of Equestria," Cadance intoned dramatically.  "The finest royal airship in the fleet.  It's, like, really big, and full of gas and stuff."
"It's huge," Mia gasped.
"Not the first time you've said that, is it sweetheart?" Cadance chuckled.
"Not big enough to satisfy YOU though is it, stretch-thighs?"  Mia replied savagely.
"You know what?" I said.  "Let's just get it all out of the way, okay?  Otherwise this entire trip is going to be one big, long, throbbing dick joke.  I'll start.  It's big, long, and goes up just the way you like it!"
"Oh look, your mom's dildo just got delivered!"
"Time to ride the big one!"
"I bet you've had bigger."
"I bet you've gotten your mouth around bigger!"
"I bet you've stretched your rump-ring around bigger!"
"You'd like to lick that chocolate-covered banana, wouldn't you?"
"M-maybe?"
"I'm feeling a bit inadequate," James interjected, staring up at the enormous cylinder.  "You girls seem awfully fascinated with that thing."
"James, trust me, you are more than up to any job we need you to do," I said, patting his shoulder.  "But for now, we have more jokes to get out of our systems, yes?"  I peeked at Mia and Cadance out of the corner of my eye.  It was easy to see they were practically trembling with stupid comments that needed airing.
"Okay then," I said.  "Start again in three, two, one..."
"Houston, we have ignition," James grated.  "And it's gonna get a lot hotter before it gets cooler!"
He was right.  We three girls were bursting at the seams with vulgar, suggestive, and downright disgusting comments, and by we three, I mean Mia and Cadance, primarily.  I was pretty much just along for the ride.  It was a raucous, shrill shitstorm that didn't calm down until we were pulling up to the loading dock, slightly winded from the festivities.
James rolled closer to the attending crew ponies, and Cadance shushed us.  "Okay, okay, enough.  Princess Mode gotta go on again."
"I'm out of jokes anyway," Mia wheezed.  "And breath."
"Gasping for breath thanks to a big long fat one," Cadance snickered.  "Your favorite."
"Hey!  I thought you said we were stopping."
"We are.  I got the last word."
"Why you petty little-"
"Shhh, Princess Mode time!"  Cadance smiled serenely in Mia's scowling face as James rolled the windows down.
The Earth ponies directing the cargo load didn't seem overly curious about our SUV.  Evidently ProteC vehicles had become a familiar sight throughout Canterlot and the surrounding areas.  They were, however, greatly interested in Princess Cadance, bowing low to her as she leaned out the window.
"Welcome, ma'am,"  the one in front said as he rose.  "I am Captain Starchaser.  Princess Celestia has placed this ship and crew under your command.  Please allow us the honor of serving you and your companions."
Cadance bobbed her head in acknowledgement.  "Thank you, I trust your ship will be as impeccable as your presentation.  Well, if one of you fine fellows wouldn't mind showing us where to park, that would be wonderful."
A short time later, and we were in the immense lower cargo bay of the ship's gondola, unloading some of our luggage out of the back hatch while the crew tied the vehicle down so it wouldn't move around during flight.
"Not that we expect any turbulence," the loadmaster informed us.  "But safety is our primary concern."
"Very good.  Thank you," Cadance said, lifting several boxes out with her telekinesis.  "Would you kindly show us to our rooms so that we may stow our personal belongings?"
"We should take rifles to our rooms, just in case," James suggested.  "I mean, who knows what might happen."
"Good idea," I approved.  "Keep things handy.  Just in case."  Goodness knows things go to crap often enough, I thought to myself.  "Give me one too, please."
"Here, Boss."
"Thanks."  I slung the magic-enhanced rifle over my back, alongside the pack containing my ARHUD and a few other things.
"Myself, as well." Cadance reached out a hoof.  "A rifle, please."
"Aye, ma'am."  James handed her one and some ammo pouches.
"Thank you."  She easily checked the chamber, then inserted a magazine and slid it over her back without chambering a round.  "Just in case.  Although even if something went wrong I probably wouldn't need it.  I mean hello, Alicorn, right?"  She tapped her hoof to her head in a silly gesture, rolling her eyes around like a ditz.  So much for Princess Mode.  All she needed was pom-poms and a cheerleader outfit to look like a high-school filly joking around with her friends.  Well, if high-school cheerleaders wore electronically modded AR-15 rifles on their backs, that is.
I giggled behind a hoof.
"One of these days we're going to hook you up with some Uggs and a pumpkin-spice latte, Princess Cadance," Mia said.
"I'm sure I shall enjoy both, since it's your suggestion," Cadance replied brightly.  She turned back to the airship captain.  "You had mentioned showing us around?
"Certainly, ma'am.  We can stop by your quarters first.  We can help you carry your stuff-"
Cadance held up a hoof.  "Don't worry, we can handle it.  We are not here on a social call, we have a mission to complete, Captain.  We will try to stay out of your way as much as possible.  You needn't tiptoe around trying to cater to our every whim.  Is that okay with you?  I mean, I think we'll be able to find you if we need anything."
A slow grin spread across Captain Starchaser's face.  "Yes.  That would be excellent, ma'am.  Uh, Princess Celestia often does things quite similarly."
"Although, I would appreciate it if you had someone show us around.  It's our first time on this airship."
"And what an airship she is!" Starchaser's first mate exclaimed enthusiastically.  "Oh, I'm Tumblewords, by the way.  I would be delighted to show you around, after you've been relieved of your luggage.  I shall bring you to your room first, then around the ship, if that is agreeable, ma'am."
"It certainly is, good sir.  Lead away!"


***


Some time later, we had finished the tour.  The airship was as massive on the inside as it appeared on the outside.  The monstrous gondola had three floors, including the cargo bay on the bottom we had driven into, a floor above with lodging, a galley, conference rooms and a verenda.  The top floor, right under the rigid envelope (which itself seemed to go on forever), was where the control deck, engineering, and crew quarters were situated.  It felt more like a fancy hotel then a flying ship.  I'd never been on an airship at all, let alone one of this size.  I gawked and stared at crystal batteries and magic over electric control systems, weather wards, and other things I'd never even heard of before, all shown at a rather blistering pace by the fast-talking crewman who rushed us through.
It was a good time, if a short one.
By unspoken agreement, we all collected in Cadance's stateroom afterwards, where we'd put our weapons in magic-secured lockers before the tour began.
"Look at this nice, big, comfy pad I've got," Cadance said happily, pushing her stuff into a heap on the thick carpet.  "Would be so super lonely if I had to be in it all by myself."
I rolled my eyes and dropped my gear next to hers.  "I think we get the hint."
"Such a big bed!" Mia exclaimed, flopping across it.
"Not gonna be so big when all four of us are sprawled out like that," I growled.
Cadance batted her long eyelashes at me.  "Oh sweetheart, thank you so much for inviting yourself to bed with me."
I huffed half-heartedly.  "I'm just being realistic.  We all know where you're gonna be, invitations or no invitations."
"Don't pretend you don't like it."
I looked at her fluffy chest, and remembered having my teary face buried there the previous night.  The thought of her soft, warm embrace, her body so slender yet so strong, made me feel a little hot and fluttery inside.  I paused for a long moment, teetering on the edge between denial and surrender.  Finally I gave up and cowed to defeat.  "Oh, who am I kidding.  Yes, I liked it.  I liked it a lot."
"Yay," Mia appeared out of nowhere, leaping off the bed to wrap her arms around Cadance.  "Eris said it's okay!  Come to bed, come and play!"
"Hey I didn't say all that-"
"What do you think, James?"  Mia asked, ignoring me.
"I'll go with the flow.  But I like the direction this is flowing," James said, smiling ear to ear.
I sighed.  "Oh well.  As long as everyone's happy."
"But I want you to be happy too," Mia told me, knitting her brow.  "Are you?"
I looked at all of them, staring at me, and I felt myself break into a smile.  "Yeah.  Yeah, I really am.  Group hug?"
James reached out and yanked me in.  "Eek!" I squealed as they closed in and crushed me.
"Is that too much?" James asked, releasing his bear hug.
"No.  Go ahead and squish me," I chuckled. "If I die of over-hugging, at least I die happy.  I-eee!"
He really did squish us.  While I was enjoying this, I heard a beeping sound.	
"My phone!" Cadance squealed excitedly, wiggling free and pulling out the handheld cell in her telekinesis.  The whole phone-holobracelet-ARHUD thing would almost be confusing, except that they all interlinked so one could pretty much do anything on whichever unit felt best suited at the moment.
"Oh, it's my husband!  He must have found a signal where he's at."  She quickly answered.  "Hey baby!  Yeah, we are just about to leave.  Yeah.  Two humans and a pony.  Hey guys?  He wants to see us.  Group pic?"
"I don't know if this is awkward or not," James muttered, squeezing in with us while Cadance hovered the phone back a few feet in the air.  She then made dorky faces while clicking off several shots of all of us together.  She quickly tapped away with her hooves, humming while sending them off, then put the phone back to her ear.  "Yah.  Mmhmm.  Yeahhh."  She leaned over to Mia and I conspiratorially.  "He says you're both hot.  Look."
She held out the phone to us.  I glanced briefly at the screen, then did a double-take.
It was a selfie of Shining Armor, leaning back on a chair with a smile.  He was quite muscular and good looking, a well-built and handsome unicorn stallion.  But what really caught my attention was his very big and very hard cock, standing proudly up in the forefront. 
I felt my cheeks heating up.  "Uh, umm...  Wow."
"Now I really feel inadequate," James muttered, peeking over my shoulder.
I put a hoof around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  "Silly, you already make me gag.  If you were any bigger, you might kill me."
Cadance giggled, putting the phone back to her ear but still looking at James.  "He says he won't judge you too harshly, as long as you do your best to make me cum."
James's eyes bugged out of their sockets.  "Wha-what?  What the?"
Cadance was already ignoring us again.  "Yeah, yeah I'll definitely take a video.  Okay.  Be safe, darling.  Yes, I'll be careful too.  Okay.  Love you too!"
She hung up the phone, her big eyes twinkling.  "He hopes he gets a chance to meet you guys in the future.  But for now he says he'll be satisfied with some imagery."
"Well then.  This has gotten way out of control," I said, dragging a hoof down my muzzle.
"Control is overrated in some cases," Mia told me, patting my neck.
"Oh, I'm going with the flow this time, too," I sighed.  "I give up.  Just do whatever you want to me."
"Right now?" Cadance said, moving towards me and licking her lips slowly, menacingly.
"Y-yes?" I replied nervously, equal parts excited and frightened.
"...I want to get some lunch with you guys," she finished.  "Come on!"
"...oh.  Uh, okay."
"What about the takeoff?" Mia asked.  "They said it would be soon.  Don't we need to like, I don't know, belt in or something?"  She looked around the room, as if expecting to see human airliner chairs with tray-tables and seatbelts materialize out of thin air.
"Look outside," James snickered.
Mia scampered over to the large window.  "Oh, crap," she said, sounding almost exactly like me as she stared down.  "Where did the ground go?"
"On such a calm day, we didn't even feel liftoff," Cadance smiled.  "Luxury class!  Now, lunch?  I'm hungry, and I bet the food is as good as the ride."


***


The "galley" was a full-on mini-buffet restaurant, one end of which turned into a patio of sorts where long, open windows allowed an excellent view of the picturesque landscape we flew over.  Most of the open decks and such were placed at the rear or buried in the side of the aircraft, so that the body of the gondola blocked what would otherwise be some serious wind from our travel.  Nobody appreciates having their napkins blown off the table and out into empty space.  Once the engines had started, the acceleration had been so gradual as to be almost imperceptible, but we were moving at a fairly good clip now.
The buffet was fantastic, featuring several hot choices with a well-stocked salad bar.  Sliced and shredded cheeses, different dressings, and an extensive assortment of toppings and exotic fruits awaited our eager sampling.
"You know, Equestria would make one hell of a health resort in general," James said, dumping vegetables on his plate and drowning them in ranch.  "Most everything you ponies eat is fresh and natural."
"As opposed to?" Cadance inquired.
James shrugged.  "I don't know.  Fried butter on a stick?"
"Gross!"
We made our way to one of the tables and dug in.  I was delighted with the heavenly taste of the fresh vegetables, most likely picked from the finest gardens in Equestria.
Then Mia started up.
"You gonna eat all that?"  she asked me with a grin, pointing her fork at Cadance.
"Mia, jeez," I protested with my mouth full, trying to chew and look annoyed at the same time.  Apparently i failed miserably because Mia burst out laughing, then started coughing violently.
"Are you alright?" I worried.
"isss-okay," she wheezed.  "Just some food tried to go the wrong way."
"Stop horsing around at the table," Cadance chided her.  "I don't feel like having to fish pieces of lettuce out of your windpipe."
"Yeah," I agreed.  "Listen to her."
"There will be plenty of time to make Eris uncomfortable after we eat," the Princess finished.
"Yeah," I agreed again, nodding vehemently before her words fully processed.  "Hey!  Wait a minute!  What did you just say?"
"Lovely view," James offered mildly.


***


We spent most of the afternoon out on the verenda, talking and enjoying the opportunity to actually relax.  The land below had eventually given way to the sea, and we had been flying through mostly clear over open water for some time now while the sun crawled across the heavens, gilding the occasional clouds with a shining outline of gold.  Eventually, as time progressed, one of the younger crew members approached us.
"Um, if I might be so bold as to, ah, disturb your Highness," he stumbled awkwardly, looking extremely nervous.
Cadance waved a hoof at him.  "First, take a deep breath.  Then, tell me what's up.  I promise i won't bite your head off."
He nodded thankfully.  "I'm sorry, I'm sort of new here.  Everypony else is busy getting ready."
"We were all new at some time," she replied gently.  "And ready for what?"
The young stallion nodded.  "Thank you, ma'am.  Getting ready for the, uh," he paused and breathed slowly.  "I mean a storm front is moving in ahead of us.  We will need to close off the open decks-"
"A storm?"  Mia interrupted, looking slightly green.  "Isn't that...  Dangerous? Especially on a plane, er, airship like this?"
"We should be fine, this dirigible is designed to handle worse as long as the storm-wards hold.  We'll set a couple unicorns to keep an eye on them.  We may be slowed down a bit, but it shouldn't be a real problem."
"I suppose this means we should head indoors," Cadance said.
"Yes, if you wouldn't mind, ma'am."
"Thank you for the warning."


***


The four of us went to the forward observation deck to see exactly what was going on ahead, and sure enough, a long string of gray clouds had eaten the horizon.  We were fast approaching the first scattered hints of what was to come, strings of ever-darkening low clouds forming around us.  Rain began to slap against the glass, a little sprinkling at first, then in increasing quantities.
"Looks a bit imposing to me," Mia said, folding her arms and hugging herself.
"Are you okay?" I asked her.
She looked down at me skittishly.  "Y-yeah.  I'm just... I mean, I never was a huge fan of flying.  I really don't like storms or turbulence."
I put a hoof on her hip.  "Don't worry.  Those storm-wards should keep things pretty calm in here."
"Okay.  If you don't mind, I'd rather not sit here and stare at it out this window, though."
"Fine with me," Cadance said.  "Let's go hang out somewhere else."
Naturally, we all ended up in Cadance's massive room, where we shut the drapes against the deepening grayness, and then sat around under the old-school long filament electric lights listening to Cadance tell us stories about some of the thing she'd seen since the breach.  Our airship began to rock gently in the storm, the magical wards keeping us almost completely immune to the powers of the elements.
Funny how I'd started to think of these kinds of lights and stuff as "old school" after my time amongst the humans.  I glanced down at the holobracelet on my forehoof and smiled.  Futuristic cyberpunk girl, that's me.
"What do you think, Eris?"
I looked up at Cadance.  "Huh?"
"Since things are unpleasant outside, I might as well break out the surprise I got you guys downtown, right?"
"I, uh, sure, I guess?"
Smiling, she pulled out the clothing bag she hadn't handed to me before.  "Here.  Try these.  Something for you, and something for Mia."
"Nothing for James?" James asked.
"They're both for you too.  Now go in the bathroom and don't come out until I say."
"Do I have to?"
"Yes!"  Cadance stamped a hoof impatiently.  "And close the door!"
"Fine."  He stalked away and the door clicked shut.  "I'm in the bathroom, and I'm by myself," came his faint voice.  "It's real fun in here.  You should try it."
"Okay, now put this stuff on," Cadance urged us, ignoring James's complaints.
I pulled the items out of the bag.  It contained some rather suggestive lingerie items.
"Hmm," I said, unwrapping some stockings.  "These would be rather nice on me."
"Yes they would," Cadance agreed impatiently.  "Now put them on so I can call James back out."
"Yeah Eris, what are you waiting for?"
I looked over at Mia, who had already stripped down and was wrapping a sexy bra over her perfect breasts.
"Looks like this is gonna be THAT kind of trip, isn't it?" I commented, slipping out of the clothes I was wearing and wiggling into the panties.
"Well, we have nothing but time," Cadance said cheerfully, putting on some sheer panties and stockings of her own, then pulling out a cellphone.  "I want to get some pictures of all of us.  For my husband, you know.  He'd feel really left out if I didn't."
"You guys are so perverted," I said, messing around with my outfit.
"Umm," she replied distractedly, her voice slightly muffled.
I turned and my mouth fell open at Cadance, who had apparently picked up the dirty hotpants I'd just dropped on the floor and had buried her face in them up to her ears.  "Hey!  What are you doing?"
She pulled my used clothing from her nose, continuing our conversation as if nothing had happened.  "That's beside the point."  She took a quick parting sniff of the crotch of my pantyhose before reluctantly placing them back on the floor.  "Mmm.  Now, quit being such a prude and put your nylons on," she clucked at me, "Mia started way after you and she's already done."
"Mmmhmm," Mia hummed, strapping her red heels on.
"Okay, whatever."  I put the top and nylons on.  "There.  How do I look?"
"Smashing, baby.  Get on the bed.  Pose with Mia."
"Fine, I'll do it because you asked nicely."  I climbed up onto the enormous bed.  It really was huge, big enough for an elephant to sleep in comfort.  Of course, it wasn't an elephant that wrapped me up in her legs and kissed me on the head.  Far from it.
"Hey, Mia," I said, as Cadance took pictures.  "How did I get into this?"
"One leg and then the other, I think?"  She put her hand down my panties.
"Can I come out now?"  James asked, muffled by the bathroom door.
"Oh, shit, I forgot," Cadance muttered.  "Hit a pose, you guys!"  She nodded her head as Mia and I sat back to back.  "Oh yeah, that's hot."  She took a quick picture, then turned her head to the bathroom.  "Okay, you can come on out now!"
"Was starting to think i was going to be in there all ni- Oh, holy shit!"  James gasped, staring at us, his eyes bulging.
"Was it worth the wait?" Cadance asked, flipping her tail along her back and shaking her rump at him.
"Ouch," he grunted, abruptly leaning forward with both hands on his crotch.  "I think my pants just shrunk on me."
"Hmm, better take them off, then," Mia said sweetly.  "You've got work to d- Oh shit, what the hell was that?"
We all froze as a sound came from far off, somewhere outside in the wet darkness.  A long, undulating cry, eerie and unsettling, like a the song of a whale combined with the trumpet of an elephant.
A cold chill went up my spine, and I felt my fur standing on end.  "I've never heard anything like that before.  It doesn't sound right."	
"It's... wrong," James agreed, coming closer to the bed.  "That sound is... wrong."
"Don't worry, I'll protect you guys no matter wha-" Cadance began bravely, then the lights went out and the airship canted sharply to the right with no warning whatsoever.  We all pitched forward across the floor in the dim light from the window, stumbling and yelping in a heap of pony and human limbs.  The furniture didn't follow us as it was bolted securly to the floor, but poor Cadance tripped and fell, sliding away from us and bashing her pretty face directly into the thick door frame in front of her, the solid wooden sliding door slamming hard against her head and neck.  I heard a sickening snapping crunch and she collapsed with her head stuck in the doorway, her limp body swinging about with the wildly shifting floor angle, the heavy door ramming cruelly against her unfortunate face each time we rocked crazily back and forth.
"No!" I shouted, using my magic to hold the door from pounding her head.  "Cadance!  Get up!  Cadance!"
She lay still, an unresponsive, battered heap, her neck folded sideways at an awkward angle I desperately hoped hadn't killed her.  Her slender, stockinged legs flopped around limply, each dreadful, listless movement another lash of pain upon my heart.  Outside, the clouds swirled around crazily, and glints of alien light flickered around us.  Deep in the darkness, the mournful cry of some other-wordly entity called out, answered by a much louder and closer one that rattled our ship and our teeth, the deep tones digging down into my gut and unearthing a hollowness full of cold, sloshing fear.  Tentacles drifted past the large windows, vaguely huge with the total lack of reference points in the dark clouds.
Always some fucking tentacles trying to take my friends away from me,  I thought angrily, staring at Cadance's lingerie-clad body through tear-filled eyes while the ship shuddered beneath us.  Somehow the adorably sexy outfit she was wearing made the already horrible sight so much worse.  She belonged in a place with warm blankets and kindness, not the corner of the floor with her head shoved in a door jam.  We'd all been having so much fun just moments ago.  It was so wrong, so unfair.  I wished I could trade places with her, let my silly neck snap on that frame, let that damn door crush my own stupid face into a mush. I would welcome it if I could only see her standing safely again with her goofy, perverted smile.  She might actually have been able to save this ship, but what was I going to do against whatever was out there?  I was nowhere near as powerful as a Princess.
The aircraft shuddered heavily, interrupting the torrent of poorly timed debilitating self-loathing that had decided to flood my mind.   I got an unpleasant glimpse through one of the uncomfortably tilted windows, a dimly fleeting flash of the far-away whitecaps driving across a roiling sea.  We hung trapped thousands of feet in the air, a morsel for some hungry sky monsters, and there was no-one to help us.  A strange mix of pain and adrenaline flooded my heart further as I struggled towards our Princess's huddled form.
"Oh no," Mia moaned nearby, her voice soaked in horror.  "Is she okay?  That looks really bad."
"I don't know," I said, creeping unsteadily forward, my heart thrumming in fear for our weird, dirty minded, sweet friend.  "Oh gosh.  I hope so."
"She's gotta be fine.  She's an Alicorn," James said from somewhere behind me, his voice coming out more as a question than a statement.
"R-right."  I couldn't bear to even consider the alternative.
> Chapter 31:  Tremors
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

James moved past me quickly in the dimly flickering light from the electric bulbs, climbing monkey-like across the secured pieces of furniture, using a combination of balance and careful handholds to approach the fallen princess.
"Almost there," he grunted, making a short hop from grabbing a lamp stand to a book case.  The books were held by thin bars and had not fallen, but they shook as he went hand over hand along the shelf.  He then slid down the carpet and wedged himself beside Cadance, pushing his back against the door and carefully wrapping his arms around her.  He pulled her to his chest, and cocked his head towards her muzzle.
"She's breathing," he announced.  "No blood.  And I see what made that snapping sound.  She broke the door frame when she hit it."
I breathed a cautious sigh of relief.  While that was promising news, Cadance could still be seriously injured, and it would be a moot point anyway if the airship crashed into the ocean miles from nowhere.  The rocking seemed to have calmed considerably however, although the occasional shudder still went through the ship, coupled with intermittent nightmare bellows from whatever was outside.
"Get her to the bed," I said.  "Try not to move her head too much, her neck might be broken."
I did my best to steady James with my telekinesis as he staggered towards the tilted bed carrying Cadance.  Mia was shoving the dislodged mattress back into place, and apparently knotting extra blankets together, which I didn't understand until she looped them through the solidly bolted down legs of the bedside tables, creating a sort of tiedown.
James carefully slipped the unmoving Alicorn under the sheets, and I crawled up beside her on the bed, bathing her neck in glowing magic from my horn while I checked her vertebrae as best I could.
"What are you doing?"  Mia asked.
"Trying to see if there's any internal damage."
"You can tell that?"
"Maybe.  I'm not a doctor and I didn't do particularly well in first aid techniques."
"Oh, great," Mia replied sarcastically.
"I know, I suck."
Mia didn't make the obvious joke, but instead put a comforting hand on my shoulder.  "I'm sorry, Eris.  This isn't your fault.  I know you'll do your best.  You always do."
"I try.  But my best might not be good enough."  I sighed, letting my magic dissipate.  "I don't think anything is broken.  The most we can do is make sure she doesn't fall out of the bed-" My words were cut off by another sustained shipquake and howl.  "-while we are dealing with whatever is outside," I finished.
Mia and James nodded, putting the chain of spare linens across the comforter tucked over Cadance's chest and pulling it snug without harming her breathing.
"Please wake up soon," I whispered in her ear, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.  "We need you."
She didn't move or reply, the sporadic pulses of light repeatedly providing disappointing illusions of motion.
I looked at my other companions.  "I hate to do this, but we have to find out what's going on.  We have to go to the bridge."
"I don't want to leave her here alone," Mia said quietly.  "I'm afraid something bad will happen to her.  Someone needs to stay."
The ship shook again, and creaking sounds came from somewhere deep in the frame.  "I don't think we have time to make many plans," I sighed.  "But you're right.  Someone needs to stay and protect her."
"Here," James called out from the lockers.  I turned and he tossed a rifle to me.  I caught it midair in my telekinesis and handed it to Mia, then accepted the second for myself.  This time we chambered rounds.
"Lemme see what's going on outside."  I swayed to the door and peeped out into the hallway.  I instantly saw two crew ponies wearing ARHUDs approaching, one a unicorn with his horn aglow for light,  the other an Earth pony carrying a ProteC-issued shotgun.
"Hey!" I called.
They staggered over to me, and I recognized the shotgun pony from the group who'd tied our vehicle down in the cargo bay.  "Are you okay, ma'am?"
"I'm fine.  Princess Cadance has been injured, though.  She's unconscious on the bed.  I don't know how serious it is yet."
Appalled, the two stared at me.  "What should we do?" the unicorn asked.  "We only have basic medical supplies onboard."
"Listen, you guys just stand guard, okay?  Don't let anything hurt her.  That'll help."
"Yes ma'am, we will protect her with our lives," the Earth pony said, hefting the shotgun.  The unicorn nodded, eyes narrowed.  "Harm will come to her only after I have fallen dead."
Their eyes widened a bit as the lights flickered again and they saw the lingerie I was still wearing, but to their credit they remained utterly professional, which was tested even further as Mia stepped beside me, kicking off her heels and bending over in panties and bra.
"I have no idea where my clothes went, and I'm not taking the time to look," she said, almost falling over as the ship kicked abruptly to the side.  She caught herself and put her back against a cabinet before pulling her boots on over her stockings.  "I found these, I'm good."
I nodded, seeing my backpack in a corner where it had rolled.  I seized it in my magic and pulled our ARHUDs out, putting my own on at the same time as James and Mia.  It came to life instantly, connecting on the local area ad-hoc network.
"Back in the saddle," I muttered, with no feelings of irony.  Earth horses weren't even remotely like an Equestrian.  I'd ride one myself, given the chance.
With a final look at the guards standing alertly over Princess Cadance, we opened the door and moved into the hallway as quickly as we could manage.
We didn't run, because the sudden jerks of the dirigible would have made that more dangerous than helpful.  Our progress was more of a quick shamble, ready to brace against something when tremors struck.  Regardless, we quickly reached the stairs to the upper deck, and from there it was a short rush down the crew quarters hall to the bridge, the door of which opened immediately after I rapped on it with a hoof.
The atmosphere within was tense.  Everypony was wearing a sidearm, and first mate Tumblewords was nervously gripping a shotgun.  Captain Starchaser was seated at the flight controls, beads of sweat standing out on his forehead as he fought to maintain control of the gigantic vehicle.  Hundreds of feet ahead, just past the foremost curve of the gas envelope, a tentacle swung past from above.
"What's going on, Captain?" I asked.
He spared me a glance, then did a quick double-take after seeing Mia in her underwear and boots.  "Whatever it is, it's huge, and it's latched into the nose of the envelope structure," he reported tensely after a moment.  The ship rattled again, emphasizing his point.
"And it's shaking us around like a dog that got his teeth in a cat," he added grimly.  "It hasn't ruptured the internal gas cells yet, but it's only a matter of time until something gives way, and we are hundreds of miles from nowhere over open sea."
"We have to deal with whatever that is out there," James muttered.  "Are there any Pegasus ponies on this ship?"
Captain Starchaser frowned.  "Pegasi don't need airships to fly, and tend to not sign up for this kind of work.  We're mostly Earth ponies and a very few unicorns here."
"Is there access to the top of the envelope?" I asked, hating the plan I was coming up with but hating the idea of a watery crash landing more.
"Yes."  He didn't elaborate, gritting his teeth and struggling with the controls.  "Can't talk.  Sorry."
"Then we'll go up there and see what we can do."  I turned to James, grinning a little at the clever idea which had just occurred to me.  Why hadn't I thought of thus before?  It had been staring me right in the face.  "I assume you brought that missile launcher from the armory?  Now would probably be a good time to grab it," I said confidently.  "If we can run down into the cargo bay as fast as possible, we can chase the creature off the envelope, then blast it with a missile once it's far enough away that it won't blow our gas cells too."  I mentally patted myself on the back for coming up with a plan that might actually work for once.
James looked at me uncomfortably.  "Uh, boss?"
"Yeah?"
"That's a great idea.  Unfortunately, the launcher is one of the few things I didn't grab.  Celestia didn't want us to go in looking like a raiding party, remember?"
The grin fell off my face.  "Oh.  Crap."
"I mean, there's a couple hand grenades, but I don't think they're the best idea," he finished morosely.
The mental image of frag grenades bouncing along the outer skin of the Pride of Equestria to detonate haphazardly wherever they felt like didn't appeal to me.  "Yeah, probably not," I agreed.
"Yeah."
We stared at each other unhappily for a moment.  "Then I guess rifles it is," he finally said.
"Yeah.  Guess so."
"On the upper shell."
"Yeah."
"Shit."
"Uh huh."  I turned to Tumblewords.  "Think you can show us how to get there?"
"Uh, sure."


***


After a brief walk down the hall, we stood in engineering, staring up at a hatch in the ceiling while the engines whined frantically around us.
"Right there," Tumblewords said.  He slung his shotgun and clambered up a vertical ladder, atop which he shouldered a hatch open with a grunt.  "Okay, come on up."
Mia grabbed the ladder and swung up it rapidly, her lovely rear end a bit distracting even under the unpleasant circumstances.  I climbed the ladder next, holding the rungs tightly in my invisible hoof grip.
James pulled himself up immediately behind me, and we took a look around the inside of the gas envelope.
It was beyond immense.  The top was many floors above us, and we stood dwarfed by the balloon cells filled with lift gas that ran end to end of the compartment.  The soft, eerie glow from the balloons told me right away that there was some magic to the lift gas.
"It's not explosive, is it?" I asked, waving at the gigantic spheres lined up above us.
"Nah, it's inert," Tumblewords informed us.  "The fabric is pretty tough, but try not to shoot the crap out of them or we may start leaking faster than I'd like."
"Duly noted," Mia said, stumbling to the side from a nasty jerk in the ship beneath us.
"And that's the way up," Tumblewords continued after we recovered, pointing at a horrible-looking ladder leading from the floor all the way to the top of the shell, many stories above.
"Oh, fuck me," Mia groaned.  "You're joking, right?  That's like, oh gosh.  I don't even know!  Two hundred feet?"
"Well, we never use it except on very rare occasions," Tumblewords explained.  "This kind of situation isn't supposed to happen, you know."
"Why did it have to be so high?" Mia whimpered, stepping to the base of the ladder.
"Look, Mia, if you're, uh, not okay with this-" I began.
"There is no damn way I am letting you and James go up there alone, and that's final," she growled, crossing her arms over her breasts.  "I'm scared, yeah-"  she almost fell over as the ship jerked again, a frightening cracking sound coming from somewhere near the front of the massive chamber we stood in.
"No time!"  Tumblewords handed what looked like a large belts to the three of us, put one around his own waist, then buckled it around the ladder as well.  "Follow if you want.  No time!"  He slung his weapon and began climbing the long stretch with surprising rapidity, the shotgun slapping against his back.
"I'll go with him.  We'll figure something out."  James threw a belt on and began after him, moving slightly slower due to his lack of experience, but still setting a fairly good pace.  "Just stay here.  It'll be okay."
"Like hell it will," Mia hissed, clicking her own belt into place and starting up.  "You aren't going off to get killed without us," she shouted.
I followed her, sliding my own makeshift harness into place and scampering up as quickly as I could with my hoof grip.  The metal of the rungs felt hard and cold under my invisible, immaterial fingers, and I tried to focus on the simple act of climbing.  I wasn't overly afraid of heights, but I was very uncomfortable with falling from them.  The ladder felt interminable, a long nightmare of metal going up through the space between monstrous gas cells.  We were a long way from the deck below when I glanced up, momentarily entranced by Mia's slender legs and butt moving above me, the thin, stretchy fabric of her panties leaving little to the imagination.
Of course, the airship went on another gyration spree at that exact moment.  The awful bellows of the alien monster felt much, much closer in here, too.
I hugged the ladder in sudden fear, which increased exponentially when I heard Mia scream and a split-second later took a boot to the face.  Woozy, I clung to the rungs, Mia's firm butt and crotch smothering my muzzle while she squawked in terror and tried to regain her grip.  It might sound enjoyable, however, I assure you it was not.  It was intensely frightening and painful.  Mia may be a wiry, fit girl, but having her dropped onto one's face from several feet above is no joke.
I bit my lip while she trampled my neck, horn, and tender ears, not wanting to make things any worse by crying out.  I was horribly, horribly frightened that she might slip out and fall to her death, and I did my best to steady her with one of my hooves while she righted herself.  Thankfully the belt had held, directing her fall right down on top of me instead of out into empty space.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Eris," she panted, pulling herself upright and gingerly stepping off my shoulder.
We both simply hung from the ladder for a moment.  "Sokay, I'm strong," I gasped once I regained my breath.  "I-I'm glad you landed on  me, instead of...  something else."
"Oh gosh.  Thank you."
I gingerly touched my abused face, wincing involuntarily.  "Don't mention it, dear.  We've gotta keep going,"  I said, doing my best to keep the pain out of my voice.
"You girls okay down there?"  James's concerned voice drifted down.
"Yeah," I called back, my tone slightly strained.  "Just peachy.  Let's not do this more often."
We pushed on, the endless climb continuing, until finally we reached the top of the cylinder.
"Here goes nothing."  Tumblewords reached up, struggling momentarily with the hatch above him, and then a blast of cool air and raindrops hit me.  "Careful," he shouted down.  "There's no railings or anything else up here.  Nopony is supposed to come out here, like, ever.  If you slip, it's a long way down to the ocean.  The best I can offer you is these."
He passed us down some ropes.  "Tighten the belts, clip that rope to em, other end on the ladder.  Try not to get tangled up."
The tether rope was rather thin, like parachute cord.  I didn't find that very reassuring, and I hoped we wouldn't have to test it's tensile strength.
Then Tumblewords crawled out if the hatch, followed by Mia, who was moving very carefully.
Once her shapely rear cleared the entrance, I squeezed out as well, into a world of flickering lightning, driving rain, and a curved expanse of silvery panelling that ended in dark clouds.
"Is it safe to walk on this?" I shouted, poking the hard panels with my hoof, the rain soaking me to the skin through my skimpy lingerie.  It wasn't too cold, but hanging out here for very long probably wasn't the best idea.  Mia, crouched low near me, was already dripping.  James's waterlogged shirt was hanging heavily off him.  "Fucking hell," he said.  "This isn't gonna work."  He pulled the shirt off, hurling it down the hatch behind us, then turned towards the nose of the craft.  "Guess we should go find out what all the fuss is about."
As if in reply, the ship shook, and that eerie call blasted past us, very close indeed.  Glowing shadows shifted up ahead, some weird bioluminescence that seemed both sickly and menacing at the same time.
"Sure," Mia replied with a weak smile, crouching low while the tremors passed.  "We're a few thousand feet in the air, walking around on a wet balloon with high winds all over the place and some nasty thing eating the nose of our ship.  What's the worst that could happen?
I gulped.  "Losing our Alicorn backup?"
It seemed like it should be gallows-humor funny, but I got a quick flashback of poor Cadance laying unconscious, looking so small in the huge bed.  Instead of chuckling, I found myself sniffling and blinking back tears.  Mia didn't look much better.
"This is turning out to be a lot less fun than I expected," James said, summing up my thoughts in a nutshell.
"Okay, that's enough," I said, resolutely putting my chin up and forcing my wayward feelings into some dark part of my mind where I could be tortured by them later at my leisure.  "Let's go deal with Slappy and save this ship."
> Chapter 32:  Operation Skyjacker
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked carefully but quickly along the thick fabric of the envelope, headed towards the curve near the nose.  My companions kept pace, ready to engage the attacker, yet still not too sure what that attacker would be like.  It was frightening, more so with the wind and rain washing over the gently curving surface that we knew led to an immense screaming drop if we went too far down the slope.
"I see something,"  James told us.  Being tallest, it wasn't surprising he'd see what awaited before the rest of us.  "Oh yeah. it's just ahead."
"I see it now,"   Mia added.  "Gross."
A little further, and I could see it as well.  The thing looked like an apple fritter with tentacles and wiry black hair.  I saw eyes here and there in the blobby, misshapen brown mess.  Huge, fleshy sacs expanded from the body here and there like balloons, inflating and deflating as if they were part of the overall balance and steering of the bizarre creature.  It looked as if it may have been part dirigible itself.  Size wise, it was immense, and had covered a good portion of the upper forward  portion of the ship with repugnant tentacles.
"It looks like a giant, hairy rotten sweet potato," I said, wrinkling my muzzle in distaste.
"Or a floating turd with tentacles," Tumblewords suggested.
The enormous creature howled again, making bizarre thrashing movements that were disturbingly familiar, although I didn't immediately realize what was going on.
"I think it's fucking our ship," James said blandly.
"No kidding," I agreed, looking at the torn parts of the fabric flapping in the high winds where the clawed tentacles had ripped in.  "It's fucking our ship all up."
"No, I mean it's literally trying to mate with our ship," James said, more insistently.  "Look.  It's like...  humping us.  And stuff."
The more I stared, the more I felt he was right.  The monster hadn't attacked us at all; it had apparently fallen into lust for the Pride of Equestria and was now energetically raping the front end of the gas envelope without a care in the world.
It bellowed and thrust again, almost knocking me off my hooves.  "I've had rough sex before, but this is ridiculous!" I squawked, scrambling for purchase on the wet fabric beneath me.
"We have to get it off," Tumblewords said.  "Or we're going to break up into little pieces and go for a really long swim."
"Get it off?"  Mia said thoughtfully, her eyes unfocused.
"Should we shoot it?  That might scare it off," I suggested.
Tumblewords shook his head.  "Look how big it is.  It'll barely notice a bullet.  I imagine at best we'll merely make it angry and get trashed even worse."
"It's banging the ship," Mia said, looking at the beast.  "It's bet it's got a penis or something jammed inside."
"So we shoot it in the dick?"  I asked.
"Well, if you want to make it REALLY angry," James said with a wince, touching his crotch.  "I imagine that would really put this thing out of sorts, and it would probably be more angry than afraid.  I mean, that's how I would be if someone shot me in the ding-dong with a peashooter.  Pissed off."
"Uh, I've got an idea," Mia said quietly, or as quietly as she could while still being heard over the wind, which was bothersome even with the storm-wards.  "It's probably a bad one, though."
"We're all ears," Tumblewords encouraged.  "I'm fresh out of ideas "
"Okay then, like, you know how some males can get aggressive when they're horny?"  Mia said.  "And yet they become really relaxed once they've had an orgasm."
"Uh, yeah?  I don't really see where you're going with this," I said, cocking my head to the side.
"Well he's trashing our ship trying to get off.  Maybe if he got off, he'd leave us alone."
"So we just wait and hope he nuts soon?"  James asked sarcastically.
"Well, I was thinking, maybe someone could, like, help him along.  Like a farmer helping out a breeding animal."
"Like reach up in there and jerk him off?" James said, even more sarcastically.
"Actually, yeah."
"Don't look at me, I'm an Earth pony," Tumblewords said quickly, even though nobody had even glanced his way.  "I think something insane like that could only be done safely with magic."
All eyes then turned on me.  Caught completely off guard, I wilted immediately.  "Wh-what?  That's...  Hey, that's a t-terrible idea!"  I stammered.  "I'm not helping this vile beast get off!"
"Even if we all die because you refuse?"  Mia asked.
"That's not fair!"  I protested.  "You can't be serious!"
"I'm afraid it is that serious," Tumblewords said.  "The monster is getting more aggressive.  If we don't do something quickly, this vessel will be torn apart.  Do you have a better idea?"
I looked around, and my ears drooped as I realized I had nothing else to offer.  "No.  Oh my gosh.  I'm actually going to have do do this, aren't I?"
"I would do it, but I don't have magic,"  Mia told me, holding her arms out in a gesture of helplessness.  "I don't think we want to get so close that we actually touch it physically.  I'm sorry, Boss.  I'd do it for you if I could."
I knew she was telling the truth.  I sighed resignedly.  "Okay, okay.  Show me the organ and I'll...  I'll do what I need to do."


***


A minute or so later I was laying on the envelope with my head poking down into a tattered hole.  Mia, James, and Tumblewords hung onto my legs and tail, keeping me from plunging down into emptiness and certain death.  I supposed if I did fall the tether might catch me at some point, but I was unwilling to test that theory if I didn't have to.
"I don't see- Oh wait, I think that's it," I called out, peering into the gloomy interior of the ship.  A shadowy, giant squirming object waved about beneath me, not quite reaching the first gas cell.
"Can you, uh, take care of it?"  James asked.
"Hold on."  Taking a deep breath and gritting my teeth, I reached out towards the eager phallus, but my magic fell short.
"It's just barely too far," I shouted back.  "I can't reach it from here.  We're gonna have to get closer."
"Closer to that thing?" Mia exclaimed incredulously somewhere behind my butt.  "But it could attack us!"
"If we don't, it will take the ship down anyway," James pointed out.  "It's already getting frustrated, I think."
He was right.  Seemingly irritated by our ship's lack of response to its enthusiastic thrusting, the monster had begun shrieking more frequently, accompanied with flying impacts from the waving tentacles.  I guess nobody likes a cold fish fuck partner.
The monster clobbered the ship, and I jostled unpleasantly down in the hole, very aware of how tiny the catwalks below looked while I hung over them with nothing in between.  "Uh, guys?  Can you get me out of here now?  Please?"
"Ah, sorry,"  Mia called out.  "Pull her up, guys!"
I slid backwards rapidly out of the tear, my companions helping me back onto my hooves.  Then we scurried along the spine of the gas envelope, coming terrifyingly close to the ghastly looking clawed tentacles of the creature clinging to our ship.  The noises it made here were deafening, and I was overwhelmed with horror at the sight and smell of the otherworldly beast.  Strange, glowing lights glowed from patches of exposed flesh, gas-filled sacs expanded and contracted, and thick tufts of hair reinforced my guess that it was a mammal of some kind.  Fortunately, it was either unaware if our presence or just having too much fun ravaging our ship to bother us.  Either way I was thankful for not being crushed to death or swatted off into emptiness.
We came to rest at a gaping hole in the ship's skin right underneath the creature's base, completely within reach of the tentacles swaying overhead, which had done some serious damage to the outer fabric layer nearby.
"We are so gonna die," Mia whispered.  "Oh my gosh.  I'm starting to wish I hadn't come up with this idea."
"No, I'm positive we'll be fine," I lied in the most reassuring voice I could manage, while I fought to keep control of my bladder.  "It's too busy to notice us."
It was indeed busy, thrusting against the taut framework repeatedly, the joints and beams protesting with awful cracking noises.
I crouched down and peeped my nose gingerly over the next hole, seeing the ugly, shadowy thing swaying dimly some feet below.
"Shit!  Duck!"  Mia shouted suddenly.  I flattened my ears, hearing a whistling sound over my head, along with a tearing noise.
"What happened?" I asked, cowering on my stomach and looking behind me.
"Tentacle came close," James replied.
"Oh fuck, it took out my tether line!" Mia said.
"Oh crap, mine too," I added, pulling the frayed end towards my face.
"It took out everyone's except mine," James said.
"Crap.  Someone hold me, please?"  I requested.  "I want to get this over with."
Hands and hooves held my legs and my tail again as I crawled slowly forward, hanging my head and upper body down into the hole.  It was another straight drop to the bottom, hundreds of feet away.  If anyone slipped and I fell, I would be smashed to a bloody pulp.  My pathetic cushioning spells would barely even slow me down from terminal velocity before my bones shattered.  I heard once that dying from a fall isn't immediate.  A pony who splatters on impact may be dead, but it takes awhile to die, and you get to enjoy every last second as your twisted, misaligned organs try to function and your muscles spasm, dragging your screaming nerves over your sharp, fractured bones.
"Don't let go!"  I stretched further in, trying to reach the nasty phallus flailing around below.  It was just barely outside the range of my telekinesis.
"It's still too far down!" I called out.  "Pull me back.  We need to do something else."
"Okay, here goes."  A hard tug, and then I was back on my hooves.
"But we can't get any closer," Mia said as I sat down on my haunches next to the hole.
"James still has a tether line," my stupid mouth suggested, betraying me.  "We could put it on my belt, and you guys could lower me into the hole so I can get closer."  Why was my mouth doing this to me?  I needed to put a hoof in it or something.  It was the most horrifying idea yet.
"Worth a try," Tumblewords said.  "What's the worst that could happen?"
I didn't even dignify that with a response.
I held my breath as they fooled around with James's rope, but the knots had swollen from the rain, and it refused to untie.  Tugging at his belt proved equally fruitless, the rope had slid up against it and both refused to come off.
"Well that's just fantastic.  Should we cut it?"  James suggested, then patted his pockets.  "Uh, I left my knife in my backpack I think.  Can I borrow one?"
We all stared at each other.
"You mean nobody brought a damn knife?"  Mia finally asked.  "Not that I can say much.  I didn't either."
"Kind of excusable for you, given what you're wearing, though," James said, looking at her panties and bra.
"What now?"  I asked.  "I can try magic, but it's awful close to-"
"Save it for the dick.  I can hold you," James offered.  "I hold you, we get lowered in together on my tether line."
"Will it hold this much weight?" I asked nervously.
"It should hold you both," Tumblewords confirmed.  "Should be able to hold even more, that's pretty strong stuff."
"As long as a tentacle doesn't fwap it," Mia added.
"O-okay," I agreed, trying not to think about the possibility of fwap.  "Either I fall to my death here, or we all drown together, right?"
"Or get clubbed when Slappy finally decides to whack us one," James said, sitting near the hole and shifting his tether line around to the front.  He did something with the belt on his pants, weaving it through the other belt around his waist.  "Extra support," he said, tugging the ends out.  "Come here."
I glanced at the tentacles waving all around us, and shuddered.  "Here we go, then."  I carefully scooted into his lap, facing him and wrapping my rear legs around his waist.
James took the ends of his cargo pants belt and put it through my useless tether belt, locking us together to a degree.  I didn't want to test that connection, either.  Hell, I didn't want to do this at all, but at least I could latch onto James while I went to pieces from terror.
Tumblewords carefully made some knots in the one good tether line.  "So we can pull you guys back up," he declared.  "Getting slippery out here."
All too quickly we were ready.  James wrapped his arms around me, under my own forelegs, and pulled me up against his bare chest.  I nervously waggled my hooves behind his back.
"Don't let me fall," I begged him.  "Oh gosh, this is terrifying."
"As if.  You're not that heavy.  If you fall, we both fall," he replied.  "I'm not ever letting go of you, I promise."
"Neither one of you better fall," Mia scolded us angrily.  "I swear if you two leave me here alone, I, I'll-"
"Okay," I interrupted her.  "Please don't finish that sentence.  We'll be back."
"You'd better be."  She gave us both a quick peck on the heads, and then we were carefully sliding over the edge, trying to gradually lower our mass onto the disconcertingly thin tether rope.  Tumblewords took most of the weight from above, being an Earth pony and immensely strong.  I hoped he wouldn't punch through the outer layer of the ship, but apparently the fabric was more sturdy than it looked, and he lay down in an awkward position to try to distribute the weight.  It was nerve-wracking, but it seemed to work.
"Literally hanging by a thread," James observed as we slowly floated down.
"Please don't say that," I begged, my heart hammered in my chest.  We clung to each other, dangling over a drop that seemed to go on forever.  "Oh jeez, it's so damn far down," I whimpered, shivering.  "James?  Baby, I'm scared out of my mind."
"Just concentrate on what you've got to to," he told me, nuzzling my ear.  "I've got you.  We'll be okay."
I focused on his voice, and peered down into the dim twilight of the gas envelope, looking for the alien dingus again.  Oh, there it was.  The grotesque sight made me shudder.  "Eew."
The member in question was huge and  loathsome.  It had to be at least thirty or forty feet long, and probably four or five feet wide.  I guess, based on the overall size of the monster in question, it wasn't so big, but hanging from the top of the airship and staring down at the pulsing horror below me made everything seem so very much worse.
"I don't even know where to begin," I finally admitted.
"Haven't you done anything like this before?"
"I mean, I've given horn jobs, but to stallions.  On that thing?"  I stared down at the unpleasantness beneath us, trying to figure out what my plan of attack should be.  "I've no clue."
"Just imagine it's my dick.  I mean, you know how to suck and squeeze on that."
"O-okay."  I tried, but I just couldn't find any mental correlation between James's nice human penis, and the churning, greasy shaft below us.  Finally I just decided to experiment.  I reluctantly extended my telekinetic field towards the thing, and a glowing band appeared around the giant cock.  I tried squeezing a bit.
The response was immediate.  "Fwee?" the creature bellowed, freezing in place.
"That's right," I mumbled.  "Feels good, huh big fella?"  I began sliding the ring up and down, using long strokes.
"Frrrroooo!"  It sounded like approval, so I kept going, running up and down over bulbs and fronds and strange sticky protrusions.
It was altogether the most disgusting tug job I've ever given in my entire life.  The thing squirmed around like a greased eel, and I wrinkled my muzzle and did my best to keep it entertained while keeping my lunch down at the same time.
"Eris, you need to tighten up, your grip is getting weak," James warned.  "I can see it from here."
"Ugh!  Is he never gonna cum?"  I growled.  Magic may look easy, but I was concentrating hard, and the sustained yanking on that ridiculous shaft was exhausting me.
The monster wriggled irritably, shaking the ship.
"Babe!  Focus!  Use the long strokes!" James hissed.  "I think he likes that.  I think you're almost there."
"I'm trying!" I protested.  "This is so gross!"
"You're not even touching it.  Just using your magic."
"You don't understand!  I can feel everything!"
"You can do it babe.  Come on.  Jerk that cock harder."
"It's all knobby and slimy," I moaned.  "I feel so dirty right now.  Like a filthy alien space slut."
James didn't reply, but even through his pants I  could feel something getting harder against my own crotch.  "James!  Why?" I hissed.  "Oh my gosh!"
"I'm sorry!  I can't help it.  Just stop talking and finish the job, okay?  He's getting pissed again."
"He didn't even pay for this," I griped, stroking the alien's revolting, gnarled meat stick with my telekinesis.  "If I'm going to be a whore I should at least get paid like one!"
The monster lurched and strained, lashing tentacles against the outside of the airship's skin.
"Yeah, I think you're about to get paid now," James said.  "Good job.  Good horn job?"  He chuckled a bit.  Evidently he was enjoying himself at my expense, if the large bump pressing against me from his pants was any indication.
"I'm gonna get you after this," I snarled at James, spinning my grip around the alien dick to finish him off.
The creature let out a strained howl, and the ship creaked as it shoved hard.
"Uh, James?" I said.  "I think It's gonna..." I trailed off as the monster shifted position and the terrifyingly big phallus swung up to aim directly at us.  "Oh crap.  Pull us up!"  I screeched.
"Wha?" James peeked around my shoulder as we slowly twirled in a circle.  "Shit! Get us out of-"
He was cut short by the sudden, indescribably vile blast of slimy white alien jizz.  It hit us with such force that we swung wildly from the hole we were hanging into, falling several feet before our tether lines caught again.  I screamed, a really bad idea because I was being hosed down with alien semen, but I was so terrified of the long fall beneath us that I barely noticed the gargling noise I was making as my mouth, throat, and nose filled with the foul-smelling, sticky alien nut juice.  Thankfully my ARHUD kept it out of my eyes.  Mostly.
True to his word, James didn't let go of me.  He squeezed me tighter to his chest as we swung in a circle, getting blasted repeatedly with gallon upon gallon of monster spunk until the world was reduced to nothing but reeking cream-colored dizziness.
"Eris!  James!"  Mia called down, sounding panicked.  "Are you guys okay?"
"Yeah," James sputtered.  "Pull us up!"
It turned out that even with the knots, pulling up such a thin tether line was actually quite difficult when you have two people hanging off the end, but eventually Tumblewords and Mia managed to get us to the edge.  James then pushed me up out of the hole while they pulled on me.
I fell out into the rain, then quickly turned, helping the others pull James out, before we both sat down heavily to take stock of our situation.
James rubbed his waist and thighs.  "Fuck, that hurt.  Humans aren't meant to dangle from a belt like that for so long."
"Sorry about that.  Nobody ever comes up here," Tumblewords said.  "It's the best we had on such short notice."  He then turned towards me.  "Way to go," he grinned.  "The monster has been calmed and appears to be making his departure.  Operation Skyjacker was a splashing success."  He looked smugly pleased at his own wittiness.  "Get it?  Skyjacker?  Because we're in the sky and your name is Agent Sky and you jacked him, uh..."
He wisely trailed off into silence when I shot him a murderous glare from under my matted, cum-soaked mane.
"That smells absolutely horrible," Mia said, crouching down in front of me and holding her nose.  "You okay honey?"
I nodded yes, then I tried to wipe the mess off my face, but my hooves were equally filthy, so it just smeared around and hung in big slimy strands when I pulled my forelegs away.  "Glarb, glurble," I said unhappily, trying to speak and realizing my mouth was full of alien spunk.  My stomach quickly did a flip flop, and I sat very still, trying to keep the bubbling disgust inside my belly from rising any further.
"Ulp," I gasped, smacking my lips nauseatedly, my tummy teetering on the edge of revolt.
"Jeez, Eris, I thought you were gonna give him a handjob, not a blowjob!" Mia giggled, reaching out to touch my hoof.  "Smells like you just sucked off an octopu-"
"Harrrrbluaugh!!!!"   The abrupt and unwanted mental image of myself wearing an ecstatic expression, an octopus wrapped around my face, his rubbery little dick (is that even a thing?) squirting fish milk down my eagerly gulping throat, was the last straw.  I couldn't handle any more.  My eyes bugged, my front legs splayed out awkwardly, my gut made an enormous heave, my neck stiffened, and I froze in place, oblivious to everything except the hot, steaming flood of creamy half-digested salad with semen dressing that rocketed up my throat and sprayed chunkily from my gagging mouth directly into Mia's very surprised face.
In retrospect, the day could have gone a lot worse, but it could have been better, too.
> Chapter 33:  A Whiff of Strange
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mia just sat there, frozen in place while I hurled on her face and chest, the fountain of hot, chunky, regurgitated filth blasting out of me like a waterfall after a heavy rain.  Finally, I slumped foward onto the skin of the dirigible, weak from the sustained stomach acrobatics.
"S-sorry," I choked.  "Oh gosh.  I'm so sorry, Mia."
"I guess I deserved that." She calmly wiped some of my lunch off her face with her hand.  "It's not your fault."
"Well then," James said.  "Lots of fluids for everyone.  Except Mr. Tumblewords.  Are you feeling left out?"
"No, no, I'm good," Tumblewords hastily replied, carefully backing away from the three of us.  "See?  I'm wet from the rain, that counts, right?  Hopefully it will wash some of that, uh, stuff, off you guys."
"How is your face so clean?" I asked James, finally removing my destroyed lingerie top and flinging it as far across the crest of the dirigible as I could.  No doubt the storm wind would see it the rest of the way into the ocean below.  The semen-soaked panties and stockings followed, and I stood naked.  Funny how I was getting so used to wearing clothes that the casual nudity I'd grown up with was feeling a bit odd now.  I also felt bad hurling away Cadance's gift like that, but I imagined she'd understand when she woke up.
If she woke up.  The thought really dragged my spirits down.
"I guess I was kind of behind you.  You took the worst of it.  Uh, thanks, Boss.  You saved me from a mouthful of jizz."
I'd already forgotten I'd asked a question.  "Huh?  Oh.  Don't mention it," I groaned, my stomach lurching again. "No, really.  Please don't."
At that moment a cheerful, trumpeting call blasted over us, and we watched the hideously terrifying monster give our ship a parting slap that shook the frame before drifting away.
"Wham, bam, thank you ma'am," Mia said, grimacing at the creature's leisurely departure.  "Not even a look back."
"Somehow that just doesn't tear me up inside," James grunted.  "So, what's to stop the others from having a go at us next?"
That thought instantly frightened me.  "Uh, uh, crap,"  I muttered.  "Oh double crap, here they come!"
Several of the other large creatures veered towards us, tentacles outstretched.
"No," I moaned miserably.  "No, oh nonono!  Not again!  Please, not again!"
Mia shot me a sympathetic look, then moved forwards and put a grimy arm around my shoulders.
"We're done, guys," Tumblewords said resignedly.  "If they turn this into a gangbang, we are quite literally fucked."  He gestured at the partially shredded covering and broken beams the first creature had left behind.  "Couple more thrusts, and we'll all be in the drink.  It was nice knowing you guys."
Fortunately, just as he said that, the approaching creatures stopped, waving their appendages around slowly as if tasting the air.  Then they spun and headed off into the lowering clouds.
"What the hay?"  I said.  "Not that I'm complaining.  But that was weird."
"I don't know," James replied.  "Maybe they don't like sloppy seconds?  Whatever it is, I'll take it.  Look, I think we need to go inside.   Mia's nipples are poking holes in that skimpy bra."
"Yeah, it's starting to get pretty cold," she agreed, shivering.
"Oh no, you poor thing," I exclaimed.  I concentrated for a moment, producing a hemispherical aura of warmth that covered us and temporarily deflected the rain and wind.
"Thanks Eris, that's so much better," Mia grinned at me.
"I can only keep this up for a short time," I warned.  "It uses a lot of energy."
"So, does this sort of thing happen to you guys a lot?"  Tumblewords asked, waving his forehoof around in a way that suggested life in general.
Mia rolled her eyes.  "You have no idea.  But let's discuss things later, when we aren't sitting on top of the aircraft we should be riding in.  Seriously, I've had enough heights for one day, haven't you?"
I had to agree with that.


***


The climb down sucked.  Mia and James tried to stay as close as possible to me, but about halfway down I couldn't hold the warm bubble anymore.  Fortunately with the wind blocked, the falling temperature wasn't so bad, and once we reached the bottom of the ladder and dropped down into the gondola, it was comfortably warm.
Just outside the room, Captain Starchaser greeted us.
"I don't know what you guys did up there, but good job," he smiled.
"All's well that ends well, and this definitely had a happy ending," Mia replied, straight-faced.
"Is that so?"  Starchaser peered closer, taking in our soaked, slimy, bodies and the rank perfume of monster semen spiced with my own proprietary essence of unicorn  puke.  He wrinkled his nose involuntarily.  "Uh, ah, perhaps I should let you get cleaned up."
"Yes I think that might be a good idea," I answered.  "Just try and keep us out of the way of any other flying monsters in the meantime, okay?"
"I'll see what I can do."


***


After leaving Tumblewords with Captain Starchaser and heading down to Cadance's, or rather our room, we entered to a strange scene.  Cadance was standing by the window wearing her slung rifle, still in her lingerie, her back to us.  Both the crew members we'd left behind to guard her were standing in front of her, their ears tucked back on their heads while they blocked her access to the open window.
"You cannot stop me, I am a Princess,"  Cadance said sternly, anger evident in her voice.  "Step aside!  At once!"
Seeing Cadance up and about, I felt like an enormous weight had lifted from my soul.  My feelings poured out, and I couldn't speak, I could only smile.
"Ma'am, I'm very sorry, but we were put here for your safety.  You are in no condition to fly, and we cannot simply allow you to commit suic-"  The pony caught sight of us, and a look of such relief washed over his face that I was surprised he didn't collapse then and there.  "Ma'am, look."
"Cadance!"  Mia called out.
Cadance started to turn her head, stopping with a small yelp.  "Ow!"  She then shuffled oddly in a circle, turning her entire body to face us.  When she finally managed to view us, her anger evaporated instantly.  "You guys are safe!  Thank goodness!  I was so worried!"
"We were worried about you too," I said, finding my voice again.  "Do you remember what happened?"
"Just, I was standing over there and we heard those weird noises, then, suddenly I woke up in the bed.  They told me you went up to fight the monsters.  I was afraid you'd get hurt without my help, but these two wouldn't let me jump out the window to fly up to you guys."
"There's no way you could fly all cramped up like that, ma'am," the unicorn insisted.
"Well,  I do have the worst stiff neck I've ever had in my entire life.  It hurts to exist right now,"  Cadance conceded.
"Hey, you two guys can go do whatever you need to do," I told the two ponies that had been protecting the Princess, evidently from herself as well as any enemies.  "Thanks for your help."
They eagerly rushed towards the door.
"Hey, wait!" Cadance called out.
Both froze, looks of fear returning to their faces as they turned reluctantly back towards the Alicorn.
"I'm sorry I was rough on you guys," she said.  "I was really worried about my friends here.  Thanks for watching over me while I was out."
"Thank you, ma'am, happy to be of service," the unicorn replied, daring to breathe again.  The Earth pony just nodded rapidly, then they both scooted out of the room.
"I do hope they don't think I'm some kind of overbearing power hungry dominatrix," Cadance worried, coming over and giving us a hug.  "What happened to you guys?  And why is it every time we meet up, you smell bad?"
"I'm sure they'll get over it," I reassured her.  "As for us, things got scary, then it just took a turn for the weird and gross.  We didn't fire a shot, but I think we sorta need to wash off."
"There's a nice big bathtub," James informed us, peeking into the bathroom.  "Surprisingly big, in fact.  Looks like a spa jacuzzi."
"It's Alicorn sized.  The ship has relatively limited water supplies, though," Cadance added.  "Although the tanks are probably full again from the rain water, we should conserve as much as possible."
"What did you have in mind?"  I asked, starting to feel crunchy and uncomfortable with the nasty dried dick goop hardening in my fur and mane.
"Let's each take a quick shower, then all have a bath together.  To save water, I mean,"  Cadance suggested innocently.  "I don't need the shower though, I'm not nearly as... as..."
"Disgustingly coated in the filthy sperm of an alien monster?" I supplied.
"Well, not exactly the words I was looking for, but essentially, yes," she said, wheeling to face me.  It was weird watching her shufflingly adjust her whole body to look at any of us.  It was easy to see she was in a lot of pain.
"Sure, whatever," I agreed quickly.
"Wait, did you say alien sperm?"  Cadance asked incredulously, realization settling in late.  "What the hay have you been doing?"
"I'll explain later, I need to get this sludge off my body."  I headed for the bathroom, nodding at Cadance.  "You coming?"
"Wait, boss!  Don't wash off just yet!"  Mia shouted abruptly.
"What?  Oh come on!"  I protested crossly, glowering at Mia while Cadance shambled into the the bathroom ahead of me.  I watched her wistfully, then turned back to Mia.  "You can't be serious."
"Just please wait a moment, please Eris?  Come on, look, I'm dirty too.  Your crusty puke is all over my boobs, see?"
"Ugh, not fair.  I can't refuse you when you beg like this.  I just want to go sit huddled in the corner of the shower for a few hours."
"Oh come on Eris, it isn't THAT bad.  This is hardly the first time you've been covered in jizz."
"That's beside the point!  I helped a monster jack off today, and he gave me a surprise facial!"
"And we are all very thankful for your sacrifice, darling. I just want a sample," she explained, digging around in her backpack, then holding up some vials from a retrieval kit.  "I have a hunch that may be important.  James got me thinking with what he said."
"Okay.  I guess that's not a bad idea," I grudgingly conceded, not having a clue what she was talking about but realizing surrender would be the fastest way to the shower.  "Hey, you just keep a sample kit clunking around in your backpack?"
"Yeah.  You don't?"
"I, uh...  No.  No I don't.  Why the hay would I do that?"
"In case something interesting happens?"  She used a sterile cotton swab to scoop the plentiful sludge from my messy mane into several small vials, then sealed them and activated the cold pack.  "That'll keep them fresh for several days at a minimum," she declared with satisfaction. "Wanna get cleaned up now?"
"You don't have to tell me twice."  I bolted for the bathroom like a guided missile.


***


"Ahh, yeah, right there," Cadance moaned, slouching in James's lap, up to her chin in the warm, bubbly water.
"Feeling better?"  He gently massaged her shoulders and neck, being careful of the tender spots.  The angry purple bruises on her throat had made it look as if someone tried to strangle her.
"So much better, thank you," she sighed.  "Look, I can almost turn my head now."  She very slowly ratcheted her neck one way, then the other.  It still looked painful, but I could see even that much freedom of movement was a relief for the poor mare.
"I'm just, like, really glad you're not dead," Mia offered, sitting on the opposite side from me, although she wasn't particularly far away given the size of the tub. "You have no idea how bad it looked."
"It would take more than that to kill an Alicorn," Cadance said cheerfully.  "Although hurting us real bad is still easily possible," she added, much less cheerfully.  "Ouch.  But it's okay.  I don't care what happened to myself as long as you guys are safe.  I regret that I made you a promise, and so far I've done a terrible job of keeping it."
"Stop."  Mia patted her cheek.  "That wasn't your fault.  None of us blame you."
"I blame me," Cadance frowned.  "I got taken out by a door.  A stupid DOOR.  I was rendered completely worthless by an inanimate object!  What kind of Princess is that?  I'm an embarrassment!"
"An embarrassment?"  I scowled.  "You'd better stop before I get mad.  Nobody talks trash about my friends.  Not even my friends."
Cadance giggled.  "Is that so?"
"Yes.  Keep it up and I'll have James do something to you."
"Huh?" James grunted distractedly, petting Cadance's mane.
"Maybe he'd like that," she mused, carefully leaning back against his chest.  "Um.  Is there a baseball bat between your legs, or are you just happy to have me sitting against your crotch, sweetie?"
James blushed redly.  "I, I.."  he trailed off, looking guiltily at me.
I smiled and snuggled up against him.  "It's okay," I purred.  "I like her."
"If you guys want to fuck her, I'll hold the camera," Mia said tactlessly from the other side of James.  "But I want my turn, too."
"You could just use the tripod in my luggage," Cadance suggested, equally shamelessly.  "Then you don't have to wait."  She frowned a bit.  "Although I don't think I'm quite up to it just yet, with my body the way it is.  I don't think I could give James very good head right now, with this achy neck.  Maybe in a day or two?"
"I think I'll survive without it," James said.
Cadance looked disappointed.  "You don't want me to suck your dick?"
"I'd love that, but if your neck hurts, you don't have to."
"I don't want to disappoint  you.  Maybe we should just wait."
"Or maybe," James suggested, "You could just keep your head forwards,"
"Yes?"
"Scoot back a little,"
"Like this?"
"Yeah.  And I could just stick it inside, like this!"
"Oh my!  Oh my goodness!  Your dick is inside me!"
"Is that okay?"
"Yes!"
"Well, this is disappointing," Mia frowned, watching Cadance bounce against James under the water.  "I was looking forward to this, and I can't even see anything."
I giggled.  "Well, its-"
"Ow!" Cadance yelped.
"Are you okay?" James asked worriedly.  "Did I do something?"
"No, it's not you.  My neck.  I'm so sorry.  It hurts.  I think we'll have to finish this later."
"Damn."  James rubbed her carefully.  "That really sucks."
"Sorry.  I didn't mean to... to..."
"Blueball him?"  Mia asked helpfully.
Cadance grimaced.  "Yeah.  That's not my thing.  Honest."  She swished about in the water, eventually coming to rest beside Mia.  "Eris, sweetie, do you think you can help him out?  Please?"
"If I have to," I grumbled, crawling into James's lap and straddling him.  "Sex toy Eris, at your service.  Go ahead and finish whatev-eeep!" I squealed when he grabbed me around the waist and thrust vigorously, his cock instantly going all the way inside me in a single stroke.  "Ohhhh craaaaap!"
Mia idly rubbed Cadance's neck while they both watched us calmly.  "You're right," the Princess finally said.  "Not really much to look at with all the bubbles, although it is kinda hot that I know what they're doing under the water."
"I-what-eeek-aiee!" I squeaked indignantly in time with the bouncing, very annoyed by their lack of interest in the dicking I was receiving.
"This feels familiar," Cadance said mildly.  "Almost like the hot spring.  But we're a lot closer together here.  Or maybe I could just..."
Her horn glowed, and suddenly my nipples were being remotely squeezed.  "Oh!  My!  Goodness!"
"Nice idea," Mia said, slinking closer.  "I want to have fun too."  She grinned and slid behind me.
"Hey-what-are-you-" I began suspiciously, trying to see her.
The next thing I knew, someone was playing with my butt.  "Hey!  What? Eeeek!" I yelped when a finger popped in.  "Mia!  What-are-you-d- Ahhhh!"  I gasped.  "Ah!  Ahhh!"
"Definitely more fun now," Cadance purred, flicking my teats.  "Any time now.  Come on, Eris.  i know you're sensiti- Aha!  There we go!"
"Ahhhh!" I moaned, my pussy tightening up on James's cock until he squashed me against his chest and strained, blowing his load up inside me.  "Uh!  Ahhh!  Yes!"
I finally collapsed against his chest.  "Better?"  I asked weakly, nuzzling his neck.
"Yeah.  Thank you."  He stroked my back softly.
"I just gave my boss the finger," Mia giggled from behind me, shoving her hand around in front of my face and extending one finger.  "Hey!  Eris!"
"What?"
"Smell my finger!"  She jammed it against my nose so I had no other option.
"Smells like bubblebath, duh," I lied.  It actually smelled like my butt, regardless of the water it had passed through.  "Nice try, though."
"You guys are hilarious," Cadance chuckled.  "Ow!  My neck!  I can't be laughing like this!"
"Can't avoid it, either," Mia said evilly, shoving her dirty finger into Cadance's face next.
"Wha-?  Eeeek!"


***


"So, I'm really starting to wonder," I said, idly swishing my back hooves in the bubbly water after Cadance had telekinetically forced Mia's hand under for a good thirty seconds.  "Why are tentacles so popular with these monsters?  Like, I don't even think they're all from the same place.  Yet there are so many that use creepy, nasty tentacles."
"Hmm."  James nodded his head thoughtfully.  "Maybe it's just common because it works where they're from?   Look at our Earth.  Most of the land creatures there use some variation of legs and arms, like it's the thing there.  Some have more, some have less, but there's a lot that use different styles of the same thing, and usually there's four limbs."  The tone of his voice when he said "our Earth" implied that it was mine, too.  He'd momentarily forgotten Equestria was my home.  For some reason I found that sweet.  I poked his foot gently with my hoof under the water.
"Same here," Cadance added.  "Four limbs is common."
"Insects are different," Mia said, looking sadly at her now-clean finger.  "Damn, it doesn't smell like anything now.  Maybe if I put it up my own ass?"
"How about no?"  I said quickly, before returning to my previous topic.  "But still, insects mostly use legs and joints, just a lot of them.  I think wherever these creatures come from, evolution or whatever took a different path and said 'hey, tentacles are a great thing and we don't need legs or arms at all!'  Or maybe, just never considered anything else because the tentacles worked fine."
"Makes me wonder what the environment over there in their worlds looks like," James mused.
"I'm kind of scared to imagine," Mia said thoughtfully.  "Many of the creatures we see from the incursions are incredibly dangerous. It's as if they're designed to survive in the most inhospitable, lethal environments.  I think wherever they come from, it must be like Hell.  Remember, the ones we capture and hold at Menagerie are the small fry.  The really dangerous ones, like Shub-Niggurath?  Things like the goat-licker and the rest of our captured no-petting zoo are, like, a tiny amoeba compared to a true Eldritch abomination."
The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with her.  The worlds these creatures cane from must be a true nightmare, and they were smaller than bugs compared to the true power of a major entity.  Thankfully none of the really big ones had come through into either world.  Not that we knew of, at least.  I shuddered despite the warm water and friends pressing against me, any glow I had from the quickie with James fading before the growing blackness of pure evil I gazed into with my mind's eye.  Deep below my subconscious, eldritch things swam and crawled, and horrors stalked the horizons of dark, cursed worlds, their tentacles slithering upon the blasted lands, and their baleful eyes glowing above the tainted, poisonous clouds.  Evil touched me, chilling me inside, and I shook with primal fear, alone, screaming silently in a forgotten place of timeless terror.
"Cadance?" Mia asked, her sweet voice yanking me from my strange, unwanted reverie of horror, stripping away the twisted, topsy-turvy dream universe that sits not so very far from our own.
Or was it just my imagination?
"Yes, honey?"  Cadance cocked her head at Mia.
"May I stick my finger up your butt?"
"Later, sweetie.  I think we need to get dressed now before we all turn into prunes."
"Aww.  No fun allowed."
> Chapter 34:  A Sticky Spot
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------






(Art by NixWorld)


The following morning I woke to someone pounding on the door.  We hadn't done much the night before, which I guess wasn't too much of a surprise.  After dealing with the rapey monster and having a hot bath, we were pretty done in.  We piled into bed haphazardly and the last thing I remembered was Cadance putting a wing around me.
"Princess, you're needed on the bridge!"
Cadance, snuggled up next to me in the warm tangle of limbs and blankets, let out a soft groan that could only be heard in the bed.  "Ugh."  Then she raised her voice.  "I will be there directly!"
I was impressed by how perfect she sounded, as if she'd been up all along just waiting for someone to need her.  In reality, even in the dim light I could see her mane was a mess and her fur ruffled, just like mine no doubt was.  Nobody looks perfect first thing in the morning, not even a princess, but I was happy to see her turning her head about without any sign of pain.
Her horn glowed slightly as she sat up, enough to telekinetically tweak the cabin light switch and brighten the room a bit.
"Thank you," the voice outside replied.  Hoofsteps faded down the hallway as the crew pony returned to his post, presumably the bridge.
"What's going on?" James asked, pulling his arm out from underneath me and grimacing.  "Ack.  My hand is asleep."
"Sorry," I said.  "My fat body was crushing it."
"It'll be okay in a few minutes, no worries."  He gave me a quick kiss on the muzzle.  "And you're insane if you think you're fat."
Cadance was crawling carefully over a confused Mia, who looked to be still mostly asleep.  She swatted weakly at Cadance's legs as she went past.  "Unffff!"
"Fat?" Cadance narrowed her eyes, ignoring Mia's feeble, disoriented protests.  "If so, you're only expanded because you're full of crap."  She leaned down to give Mia a quick kiss, instantly quieting her, then stepped off the bed and sat down at the makeup table.  She looked at herself in the mirror, deftly running a brush through her hair, then peered closer.  "Oh my goodness," she gasped, touching her throat.  The bruises there were huge, purple and angry.  "I can't go out looking like this!"  She desperately peered around the room for a solution while she telekinetically brushed her hair.  "A necklace?  A scarf?"  Her eyes finally came to rest upon my self-styled uniform, taking in the high collar on the tight shirt, and her face lit up.  "Eris?  May I borrow some of your spare clothes, dear?"


***


The bridge was busy when we finally arrived.  The crew stiffened as Cadance walked in, probably in more ways than one.  My outfit looked really, really good on her, after she'd cut some slits for her wings.  I guiltily found myself staring at her shapely rump more than once.
"Ma'am!  Captain Starchaser is out there on the observation deck," one of the crew said quickly.
"Thank you."  Cadance pushed across the bridge and opened the exterior door.  The wind outside wasn't so bad with our dirigible moving forward at a moderate pace.  Captain Starchaser leaned against a railing, a spyglass to his eye.
"It's another ship, headed this way," he told us, handing the spyglass to Princess Cadance.  "See?"  His hoof pointed out towards the horizon.  I could just barely see a small black object, hanging in the atmosphere out where the world curved down.
Cadance squinted into the magnifying instrument.  "Ah.  I do.  It's on an obvious intercept course.  Well, we want to make contact.  It would appear this is the easiest way, I guess.  Let's not make any threatening moves."
"I recommend we stay at reduced speed, and let them come to us," Starchaser suggested.  "Going to meet them may be seen as an act of aggression."
"Good plan.  Please carry it out."
"Yes ma'am!  At this rate, it will take some time for them to reach us.  You and your entourage may wish to prepare."
"An excellent suggestion.  Let me know when they approach close enough to discern better details."
"Aye, ma'am."


***


It didn't take us long to get our things together.
"Just the backpacks," Cadance cautioned.  "We can't bring weapons this time.  I'm sorry."
"I don't like it," James balked.  "What about the exos?"
"I don't think so."
"I don't like this."
Cadance sighed.  "Look, I understand your reservations, and it's okay.  You don't have to go with me.  You guys can stay here while I talk to them."
"Like that's gonna happen," Mia grunted.  "Well, I'm not letting you go alone."
"Of course we're not," James agreed.  "I just don't like being totally unarmed."
"Well, we aren't TOTALLY unarmed."  I tapped my horn.  "And we do have an Alicorn princess here, after all."
"That didn't work out so well in the movie, though," Mia said thoughtfully.  "They had these grenade thingies that froze up all the Alicorns."
"Well let's hope they don't use something like that on us, then."
"Hope in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fill up first," James said.
"You want me to shit in your hand?"  Cadance giggled.  "You naughty boy!'
"What?  No, uh, never mind."
"Well, that took us all of ten minutes," I observed, plopping on my back onto the bed.  "What now?"
"Now you stay just like that," Cadance said.
"Huh?"
Her phone camera flashed.
"Wha-"
"Eris spreadeagled on the bed," Cadance hummed, tapping at the phone.  "Shining Armor will like this."
I rolled my eyes.  "You have such a one-track mind."
"And you don't?"  She came closer and put her forehoof on my crotch.
"I, uh..."
She teased her hoof in a circle.
I shuddered.  "Okay!  Enough!  I give up!  I want it!"
"That's what I thought!  You're just as bad as me.  Admit it!"
I wiggled under her hoof.  "Oh!  Ohh!  Okay!  I'm also a pervert!  Happy now?"
"Yes."  She tickled me between the legs.
"Eeek,"  I squirmed.  "Don't start what you don't have time to finis-"
Another flash in my face.
"Groping Eris," Cadance said calmly, floating the phone around in her telekinesis and tapping it with one hoof while continuing to tease me with her other.
"Hey!" I complained, not doing anything to stop her.  "You're not listening!"
"On the contrary, I heard everything you said.  I'm just trying to see if a wet spot will show through these tight-ass pants you're wearing.  For... science."
"You're wearing them too, go tickle yourself," I growled, still not trying to get away.
"Maybe I will."
"I'll hold the camera," Mia offered.  Both she and James seemed riveted by the show Cadance and I were putting on.
"Here." Cadance handed her phone off.
"Is this really happening?" I asked.  "Right now?"
"Well, do you have any better ideas on what to do with the time?" Cadance asked me.
"I...  uh..."  I couldn't think of anything.  "...no?"
"Couldn't think of an excuse?"  Cadance nuzzled my crotch.
I sucked in my breath, my thighs trembling.  "No."
"Do you want me to make you feel good?"
"Yes.  Please!  I want it.  I do.  I'm feeling so-"
Someone pounded on the door.  "Princess!  The ship is within viewing range!"
James put a palm to his face.  "Really?  Now?"
"Just a moment!" Cadance called out.  She pushed back and looked down at me regretfully.  "Sorry, Eris.  You were right."
I grabbed a pillow and shoved it over my face with my right hoof.  " Arrrrrgh!" I screamed into it, clenching my left forehoof between my frustrated thighs while I rolled back and forth.  "FUUUUCK!"


***


"They're coming off approach vector and matching speeds with us," Captain Starchaser announced.
We had been watching the ship come towards us for some time.  Now that it was within easy viewing range, the angular, military lines of the smaller ship contrasted sharply with the graceful, delicate curves of our own.  Cannon ports, thankfully closed at the moment, covered the wooden vessel as she pulled alongside us, steam billowing out from some kind of drive turbines mounted near the tail end.  There was no questioning the purpose the newcomer had been built for, it moved with the efficient speed and grace of a practiced predator.
On the deck of the other dirigible, a bipedal figure grasped a bullhorn and pointed it in our direction.
"Attention Equestrian airship!" a commanding male voice thundered.  "You have intruded upon protected airspace.  State your business immediately!"
"How did they know we're from Equestria?" I asked.
"Probably the huge markings on the sides of our rudder," Captain Starchaser replied neutrally, leaning against our own railing and looking at Cadance, who reached a hoof towards him.
"Give me your megaphone please, Captain."
He passed it to her, and she lifted it to her mouth, clicking a button that activated the magic audio booster crystals inside.  "We come in friendship, and wish only to offer our services to your leader."  Even blasting out across the sky, her voice was warm and clear, without an ounce of malice.  She switched the microphone off and waited.
There was a moment's pause, and I could see several figures talking to each other animatedly.  Then one waved an arm, shutting the others down.  The voice boomed out again.
"You will be escorted to port, and will be taken into custody upon landing.  You will be allowed to explain yourselves.  If you attempt to escape before a decision is made, you will be destroyed.  Will you have any difficulty following these instructions?"
Cadance hesitated.  "I don't know if I like how this is going, but we have little choice."  She lifted the bullhorn again.  "Very well.  We will comply."
There was a pause, and more gesticulating from the other aircraft.  Eventually, the megaphone was aimed at us again.  "Equestrian ship, do you have any injured aboard?"
"They see we're damaged,"  Starchaser commented.  "It's a good sign that they care enough to ask."
"Indeed," the Princess muttered, and addressed the warship again.  "Negative, we have merely sustained mild structural damage.  We are otherwise functional."
"Understood.  Maintain your distance, then, and follow our lead," the other replied.  "...or you will be destroyed," he said again, seemingly as an afterthought.
Captain Starchaser looked expectantly at Cadance, who gave him a nod.
"Please do as they request, Captain.  Take care not to encourage hostilities."
"Aye, ma'am."   He left the balcony and returned to the control room.  Within minutes, the warship slowly nudged ahead of us, and after a moment we glided smoothly behind, keeping a respectful distance.
Cadance turned to the three of us with a stressed sigh, and I could feel her nervousness leaking through her strained, thin smile.  "Well then, here we go," she said.  "This should be interesting."
I looked out at the skies, clear except for small puffy clouds, and the green land below us.  "A true adventure," I said softly, "always has some degree of danger."
Mia snorted.  "Well, can't be as bad as being carried off by giant ant things, right?"
"Let's not even go there."


***


The trip was interesting, to say the least.  Down below we saw small towns and roads.  On the roads were vehicles, driving back and forth much like they did on the human world.  I could see trucks, mostly, and some farm equipment, although I couldn't distinguish many details from our height.
"Well, that's a surprise," James said, looking down.  "Equestria doesn't have this kind of infrastructure."
"We never really needed vehicles," I told him.  "We are pretty good at travelling short distances on our hooves.  Not really much call for that kind of machinery, so I guess it just never got invented.  We do have trains for longer distances."
"And dirigibles."
"Yeah."
The traffic below got heavier as we progressed, until we finally could see the outlines of a great city at the base of a huge mountain up ahead.
"Think we're going there?"  Mia asked.
"Most likely," Cadance answered.
We all stared with mounting interest as more details of the place became visible.  Clouds of what I thought at first to be smoke curled up from chimneys here and there, including massive amounts from what looked like the factory district.  Soon we were floating over city districts.  Below, trolley bells clanged, and numerous bipeds walked through the streets, sharing them with heavy vehicle traffic.  The buildings were mostly brick and somewhat close together, with narrow, dark alleyways in between.
"It looks like Britain from the early twentieth century or so," Mia declared, staring down with evident fascination.
"Looks smokey," I observed.
"Well, most of it is steam.  See how quickly it dissipates?  And it's white, not black."
I looked again.  "Yeah, you're right."
"If it was smoke in such huge quantities, we'd be able to smell it from here."
"Well thank goodness for that."
"Our escort is halting," Starchaser said, pointing a hoof at our the other dirigible.
"Equestrian ship!  Proceed to dock at the landing beacons!"
"What landing-oh, THOSE landing beacons," Starchaser said as a platform below was abruptly illuminated by powerful beams of green light.  "Prepare for descent!"
There really wasn't much preparation.  We all stood on the outside deck while our dirigible carefully reduced altitude.
"Well, looks like they brought the welcome wagon," James said sarcastically, pointing at a large, heavily armed military-looking contingent of baboon-like primates assembled near the landing platform.
"Captain Starchaser?"  Cadance said, observing the detachment of primates.  Some had come forward and were catching ropes thrown down by the Equestrian crew, tying them to nearby posts and securing our ship.
"Yes?"
"You and your crew are not to interfere unless myself or Agent Sky gives the order.  Understood?"
"Aye, ma'am."
"I mean it.  I have a feeling we may be arrested.  Allow it to happen.  We can take care of ourselves, and I don't want this to turn into a shooting match.  We need to let them know we are friendly."
"Yes, ma'am.  I will instruct my crew to stand down."
"You guys have your backpacks?" Cadance asked.
"Yes."
"Very well then.  Let's prepare for-"
A gruff male voice hailed us from below.  "Equestrian vessel!  You have five minutes to send your emissary, or you will-"
"Be destroyed, yes, we understand!"  Cadance called out over the railing at the formation below.  "I will be down immediately.  Please resist the temptation to destroy us in the meantime?"
"Good, then," the voice replied.  "Proceed.  But be aware, if you show any signs of hostility, you and your ship will be destroyed!"
Cadance closed her eyes and put a hoof to her forehead.  "Ugh.  Really?" she muttered.
"So," Mia said thoughtfully.  "Did it occur to anyone that perhaps Celestia had bad intel, and maybe the Storm King is still running this place?"
In fact, nothing of the kind had crossed my mind.  The increasingly unhappy look on Cadance's face told me everything I needed to know about that.
"Let's just hope that is not the case," she said eventually, her ears twitching slightly.  I could see she was fighting to keep them from flattening against her head like mine had just done.
Let us hope, indeed.


***


Within two minutes we were walking down the ramp together, towards the group of primate soldiers.  I suppose in another situation these guys might have been somewhat comical looking with their massive upper bodies and weird hind paws.  Hardly so when they were staring down at you and carrying massive guns.  Up close, they looked like the offspring of goats and apes having an orgy.
"What even are they?"  I whispered to Mia.
"I don't know.  The movie never really explained."
"That's far enough!" the leader shouted.  It was easy to tell who was in charge thanks to his fancy hat and the numerous medals on his massive chest.  "Silenians!  Seize them!"
Uh oh.  Well at least I know what they're called now.
Several of the the Silenian soldiers came towards us quickly.  I was intensely unhappy to see they were carrying heavy black chains.
"Do not resist or you will be destroyed!" the leader shouted at us.
We looked at each other.  "Well, this isn't the welcoming committee I had hoped for," Mia said while one of the soldiers clamped chains onto her forearms.  "Ouch!  Take your time, big guy.  This isn't the first time I've been handcuffed, okay?"
I watched Cadance while I was being shackled.  The guard harnessing me did so in relative silence, but hers was a noisy and crude affair.
"Put your hooves out in front of you!" the evidently inept soldier demanded at Cadance, shouting savagely into her face.
Cadance sighed, and extended her hooves, dropping onto her haunches.  He quickly shackled them together.  "Now stand up!  Hurry up, you dirty cur!  I haven't got all day!"
She did as she was told, and he cuffed her rear hooves as well, hobbling her so she couldn't run.  A strap went around her waist, over her wings, then he put a collar around her neck.
"Is this strictly necessary?" Cadance asked mildly while the guard fumbled clumsily with her bonds.  I was astounded at her patience.  If she'd wanted to, she probably could have blown the chains off and killed all the guards in a matter of seconds.  Or so I thought until the guard put my chains on.  Uh oh.  Glyphed chains.  As long as we were wearing these, we were powerless to use our magic.
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly nag," the guard said viciously, drawing back his hand to slap her across the face.  Cadance flinched only slightly but did not shy away, her big, gentle eyes locked onto his beady, angry ones.
"You bastard!  Don't you fucking dare!" James roared, struggling with the guards holding his wrist chains.  The Silenians were incredibly strong, however, and easily held him back.
"What are you gonna do about it, runt?" the guard sneered at James, his hand still cocked to slap Cadance.  "Jingle me to death?"
"Enough!" his well-decorated superior came from behind and grabbed his wrist, yanking roughly back on it.  "She's no threat to you.  You would strike an unarmed, shackled female?"
"N-no," the guard mumbled, dropping his arm.  "I just, ah, I saw a mosquito, and..." he trailed off, giving a grumpy scowl.
"This behavior is unacceptable.  We will not do things in such an uncivilized fashion," the other Silenian growled, inches from his face.  "Take the prisoners unharmed to the Commander, and let her make the decision as to their treatment. If-"
The guard turned away, grumbling angrily.
"Mungo?"
"Yeah?"
His boss grabbed him by the shoulder, spun him around, tossed him against a large crate, then jammed a finger into his chest.  "I'm a nice guy, so I'm going to pretend you didn't just turn your back on me while I was talking to you, but if you ever, EVER pull some shit like that again on a female without a damn good reason, I'll rip your tiny little balls off, roast them to a stinking crisp, and beat your teeth out with them, do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal, sir," the soldier gulped nervously, his face white as a sheet.  He carefully slid out from under the angry finger and silently picking up Cadance's leash.  I noticed he left some slack in it, and she followed him docilely when he walked slowly away.  The humiliating sight of Equestria's royal delegate and my friend being led around like a pet mule disgusted and infuriated me.
The guard leader stared after them a moment longer, then turned away, calling out to the others.  "Okay.  Let's get them moving.  The Commander needs to know about this.  The rest of you, make sure nobody leaves the airship."
I stumbled forwards when my collar was yanked sharply by my strong captor, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Mia getting the same treatment, which angered me immensely more than having my own neck jerked about.
"Hey!  Take it easy with the girl," I snarled.  The Silenian tugging my leash paid me no mind, however, so I quieted and walked along behind him, the shackles clanking between my legs, my mind full of dark thoughts, many involving starvation, beatings, and torture.  I'd read a bit about human concentration and POW camps during various wars, and what I'd learned had chilled me to my marrow.  I only hoped Cadance didn't let this go so far that she couldn't break us out.
What had we gotten ourselves into this time?
> Chapter 35:  Now or Never
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

We shuffled through through the sky docks rapidly, passing catwalks, landing pads, and other gigantic airships.  The people of the place showed slight interest in us, but were obviously on a schedule to perform their jobs, so they didn't stop to gawk at the sight of an Equestrian princess being led about in chains.  Or, maybe they didn't even realize what she was.  I was willing to bet that Equestria was not a huge topic of conversation here.  To these busy workers, we were probably just some random ponies, far away from home.
Around us, many of the Silenians wore mechanic uniforms and hurried about with tool boxes and other equipment.  Although they were prevalent, they were not the only species present.  I noticed some bipedal felinoids and other creatures I hadn't seen before as well, although I was rather distracted from close observation by the chains on my body rattling with my every step.  Even so, I noticed several of the numerous warships in the docks had sustained heavy damage, and there was a general air of urgency in their repair operations.
Eventually, we passed outside of the busy and gigantic docking hangar structure.  The large doors we walked through led to a wide entry square before a noisy street.  The square itself had been fashioned into a rather pretty area with trees in planters and benches surrounding a central clock.  The effect was pleasant, although the curious stares we garnered from Silenians resting upon said benches were more embarrassing than pleasant.
Finally our captors halted us at the curbside of the wide cobblestone street just beyond the entry plaza.  In the road, strange cars trundled back and forth, and there were even a few Silenians on horseback.
"Interesting," James said softly.  "Never saw any of those in Equestria."
I looked up at the beady, dumb eyes of a nearby piebald stallion, his rider a soldier chatting cheerfully with a young Silenian girl carrying a basket of bread.  I suppose this is what a human feels like looking into the eyes of a chimpanzee, except that the chimp is probably smarter than the horse I was eyeballing with distaste.  "They're about as common in Equestria as apes are in America," I told James quietly, wrinkling my nose at the unpleasant animal odor drifting my way from the beast.  Not that I'd ever been to America, but I had watched a lot of movies.
"I didn't mean to make a comparison," he began, apologetically.  I guess my tone had been a little more edgy than I'd intended.
"Shut up."  His guard yanked his chain slightly in a half-assed reprimand.
"It's okay," I whispered.  "I didn't take it that way."
"Both of you shut up."  My guard rattled my own chain.
We shut up and continued to eyeball the street.  While we gawked at the interesting scene of strange cars and old style buildings, a nearby vehicle trundled towards us.  It was not much different from a bus, but it had a boiler instead of the typical flat automotive engine hoods I'd grown familiar with Earthside.  The wheels looked like they belonged on a carriage, with metal spokes and some rubbery substance attached to them.  Steam hissed out of the wheel pistons at intervals while it ground to a stop, but in keeping with the general lack of pollution or smog here,  I didn't see any smoke coming out anywhere.  The doors popped open, and the driver stared at us with undisguised curiosity, his beady eyes glowing brightly.
"Get in," the guard leader ordered.
"Watch your step," the driver cautioned us.
We did, clopping along the wooden floor to find bench seats in the old-fashioned passenger compartment.  It reminded me of nothing so much as a passenger train car with a built-in locomotive and no tracks.  We ended up each sitting across from our guards, who continued to hold our leashes, although they hung slack due to the close proximity.  Sitting down carefully, I grit my teeth and tightened my legs.  I'd seen the not-so-smooth street, and I expected the poorly cushioned benches were not going to be kind to my tail end once the vehicle began to move.
"Take us to the castle," the lead guard told the driver.
"Got it, enjoy the ride!" the driver exclaimed cheerfully, whistling happily as he pulled levers.  At least someone was having a good day.
With a hiss of steam and a lurch, we were off.  There must have been some pretty springy suspension in the bus's undercarriage, because the compartment bobbed up and down like a boat, which was definitely preferable to having the cobblestones pound the wooden seats into our butts the whole way.
I sighed with some relief and unclenched my taut rear end in the absence of the expected ass beating.
"So, what are-" I began.
"Keep your mouths shut until we get there," the lead guard said sternly.
I shut my my mouth, my cheeks feeling hot with embarrassment.  I knew it wasn't my fault, but I still had the feeling of a school child being sat in the corner in front of the class for misbehavior.
Cadance's sympathetic look did much to ease my undeserved shame.
"You're gonna enjoy the prison," Mia's guard hissed at her.  "They don't much care what you look like, there.  They just be lookin' for a hole to jam it in."  He chuckled vilely.  "I hope you like being raped by three or four at once, pink-hair!!"
"Good," Mia whispered back.  "I imagine it would take at least three or four needledicks like yours before I'd even begin to feel anything."  She popped a kiss at him.
Her captor turned red with anger, but before he could reply, the lead guard tapped him on the shoulder.
"That goes for you too, Bungole," he growled.  "Shut your filthy yapper until I tell you to speak."
Mia's face went crooked from barely suppressed laughter.  I caught her eye, shaking my head while I strained to keep from snickering at the soldier's unfortunate name myself.  Cadance managed to hide her own mirth by inhaling deeply and exhaling somewhat shakily.  Maybe someone else wouldn't have noticed, but I knew her well enough by now to tell she was trying not to lose it.
The rest of the ride went by in silence.  It wasn't too long, maybe five or ten minutes, before we pulled up to an imposing castle on a hill near the center of the city.
The bus entered the courtyard through a guarded gate which closed behind us, and we were led up a long flight of stone steps, where additional guards let us into the building, and down a hall to a final, grand door.
"The Commander is ready to see you," one of the guards said, opening the final door for us.
Inside was a grand throne room.  We moved silently on plush carpet, approaching the throne itself, which sat empty up above us at the top of a flight of steps.  At the bottom of the steps sat a wide desk, and behind the desk sat a unicorn with a broken horn and a long scar running down her angular face.  She looked to be quite busy, focused on a large map spread across the huge table in front of her.  Beside her, a roundish creature like a large hedgehog took notes when she spoke in low tones, and occasionally grabbed bites from a tasty-looking pie slice sitting on a small plate at his corner of the table.
"Omgosh!  Wow!  it's Tempest Shadow!" Mia told us in a stage whisper, hopping back and forth while her manacles clanked noisily.  "And Grubber.  Wow, wow!  He exists too!"  She looked thrilled, as if she'd momentarily forgotten we were being held in chains before this particular leader.
"Commander Shadow, look what we've brought!" our main captor announced.
"Wha-?"
The unicorn with the broken horn looked up at us, taking in our chains, and when her gaze swept to Cadance, her green eyes widened immensely.
"Princess Cadance?  Here?  What is this?  Why is she chained?  Was she committing a crime?"
"Illegal breach of airspace, ma'am.  Their dirigible crossed our border without approval, and-"
"That's all?  No evidence of other wrongdoing?"
"Y-yes?  I mean yes, she wasn't don't anything else.  I mean, no, no other criminal activity."
The unicorn sighed heavily.  "Everyone, please leave us.  Immediately."
Frightened by their commander's unusually subdued tone and behavior, the soldiers and guards practically fled the room, not wanting to be around to find out what was amiss.  Grubber didn't leave, and Tempest Shadow did not repeat her order.  Evidently such things did not apply to him.  He stared at us with undisguised interest, munching pie at intervals.
Once we were alone, the hard-looking mare approached us, her expression an odd mixture of veiled fear and curiosity.
"Princess Cadance?  Is that really you?"
"None other, Commander Shadow."
The Commander sucked in her breath.  Her next question was rife with apprehension.  "Why?  Why are you here?"
Cadance appeared to choose her words carefully.  "We are here to offer our friendship."
The unicorn seemed to start breathing again.  "Friendship?  You're not here to wage war against us?"
"Absolutely not."
"You know about the Storm King, then?"
It was Cadance's turn to look apprehensive.  "Yes.  Is he still in charge?"
Tempest Shadow shook her head.  "No.  It's just me, now.  But he had been planning to attack Equestria.  I feared you'd perhaps gotten wind of that, and come to preemptively wipe us out.  Although you hardly have the appearance of a war party, I know the power of even a single Alicorn is immense."
"I assure you we are not here to cause you any trouble."
Tempest Shadow stared at Cadance for a moment, then sighed again.  "I believe you.  Equestrian princesses may be many things, but I do not believe lying about such a thing is your style."  She produced a key, looked at it for a moment, then inserted it into the chains binding Cadance.  In seconds, the Alicorn was free.
"Please, Princess, accept my sincere apologies for the disgraceful way in which you have been treated since your arrival.  It is entirely my fault, I ordered my forces to use the strictest measures against intruders.  These are dangerous times, you see.  I never imagined someone such as you would come our way.  I hope these unfortunate circumstances will not be the basis for...  hard feelings between our nations."  She paused a moment, frowning at herself.  "Oh, hell.  Politics aside, this was a shitty way to greet anyone.  I'm really sorry for the misunderstanding.  All my soldiers were basically pirates not that long ago.  I've selected the most well-mannered and intelligent of them to be captains since, to help maintain order.  Even so, they can be a bit, ah, uncouth, at times."
For a moment the two mares faced off, Tempest Shadow in her skin-tight black suit, and Cadance dressed exactly like me.  Did I mention how good she looks in my outfit?  I mean the outfit I picked would look good on any mare, but still.
Cadance eventually spoke.  "Thank you, and apology not necessary, but accepted anyway," she nodded gently.  "Let's just put it behind us, shall we?"
Tempest still looked troubled.  "They dragged you through the streets in chains.  Can you really forgive an insult like that?"
Cadance sighed and gently placed a hoof on Tempest's shoulder, who flinched visibly at the sudden contact, but didn't shy away.  "I've already forgotten about it.  I promise there will be no reprisal, it's not my style.  But, if you wouldn't mind, could you free my companions as well?"
"Y-yes, of course."  She took the key to each of us in turn, and the uncomfortable restraints clattered to the carpet.
"Thanks," James said, rubbing his wrists.
"Yes, thank you," Mia added, looking back and forth.  "Is there a bathroom around here?  I gotta pee something fierce."
That brought a small chuckle from Tempest.  "Out that door, to the left.  Then right.  Then... Oh, you know what?  Grubber, can you just show her?"
"Sure thing."  The short guy took off, Mia in tow.  He seemed a harmless enough fellow, so I wasn't particularly worried about her well-being.  If Tempest had wanted to screw us over, she had plenty of opportunity before taking the restraints off.  Removing chains goes a long way towards building trust in my book.
"By the way," Cadance told the unicorn, breaking the somewhat awkward silence after we watched Mia leave.  "The captain who took us in did behave quite well.  His actions protected us from the evident desire of certain ruffians to treat us in a, ahem, less than hospitable fashion.  Your selection of leadership was sound."
"Thank you.  It's been difficult," Tempest said thoughtfully.  She looked over James and myself, finally paying us more than a cursory glance.  "Would you care to introduce your friends?"
"Well, this is Agent Sky, of the Canterlot Advanced Sciences Division."
"Interesting.  So you brought a scientist."
"More of a field researcher," I supplied helpfully.
"I see.  I notice your friends are not exactly like any creatures I've seen here, and we have a rather wide assortment in the surrounding countries."
"They're my partners," I said.  "I mean, my security detail.  It's a long story.  They've come quite a long way with me to visit here."
"Security detail?" Tempest looked confused.  "I'm sorry, but they don't look especially fierce.  And one is a female."
James rolled his eyes.  "So are you."
"Yes, but you and her lack claws or fangs, or seemingly magic of any kind."
Feeling slightly offended by the mare questioning the abilities of my team, I answered somewhat huffily.  "Well, we left our weapons on the dirigible as a gesture of goodwill."
"You brought weapons?"
Oops.  Maybe I opened my big mouth too soon.  "Uh, yeah?"  I replied uncertainly, looking at Cadance worriedly.  "We use them for personal protection."
"Interesting," Tempest said again.  "Well.  As I cannot spare the soldiers to provide you with a security detail, I suggest you all pick up your weapons at the earliest opportunity and carry them on your person at all times.  As I said before, this place is not the safest, let alone during the current state of affairs."
Well, that went better than I had expected. 
"In fact," the battle-scarred mare continued, "I recommend you all leave here as soon as possible and return to Equestria.  I don't need a Princess getting hurt or killed out here.  Alicorn or not, there are things afoot which it is better you do not encounter."
"I'm no stranger to danger," Cadance said, then grimaced at her own inadvertent rhyme.
"Stranger danger!" Mia announced, tripping cheerfully back into the room alongside Grubber.
Tempest wheeled to look at them.
"Everything come out alright?" Cadance asked, apparently forgetting her royal demeanor at the sight of her partner in crime.
"Oh you know, a drip, a drop, a plunger and a mop," Mia answered unabashedly.  She stopped at the increasingly confused look on Tempest's face.  "I'm kidding.  I made it to the toilet."
"She's really quite nice," Grubber added, beaming up at Mia.  "I'll be happy to do any more showing around you need."
Tempest shook her head.  "I don't know what's happening, but I feel as if I am rapidly losing control of this situation."
"Say hello to Mia," I said, gesturing at my combination bodyguard/subordinate/girlfriend/personal sexual molester.  "She just has that effect on people."
"What effect?" Mia asked, full of wide-eyed innocence.  "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I never know whether to believe you or not when you say that," James mused.
"Okay, look, I want you guys out of the kingdom by nightfall," Tempest said, a hoof to her head.  "I can't be babysitting a bunch of silly Equestrian cream puffs for however long you want to prance about-"
"I do not prance!" Cadance lied haughtily.
"I prance but I'm not Equestrian!" Mia protested indignantly.  "I'm not sure if I'm a cream puff, though.  Am I a cream puff, guys?"
Tempest scowled, ignoring Mia.  "Fine, for however long you want to trip about lightly on your glossy hooves-"
"Your hooves are pretty glossy yourself!"
"That is beside the point, Princess.  I am concerned for your safety.  This is a rough city!  This is not the place for dainty pony ladies to vacation!"
"I like your horn," Mia said tactlessly into the ensuing pause.
You could have heard a pin drop in the extended silence that followed.
Grubber stared at Mia, his eyes like sauce plates.  He held both hands up in an easy to understand gesture.  No!  Stop!
Oh shit, this is how we end up back in chains and getting marched out of town, I thought.  Damn it Mia.  If I didn't love you so much I'd... I'd...  I don't know what I'd do.  I can't even imagine not loving you.  I mentally sighed and waited to be thrown into a dungeon.
The silence dragged on and on.  I'd never seen an expression quite like the one on the Commander's face.  My soul withered inside me as her eyes narrowed.  Here it comes.  On the bright side, at least the situation can't possibly get any worse.
"And your scar too.  It really gives you this like, sexy bad-girl look," Mia continued happily, digging the hole deeper than I had ever imagined possible.
We are so dead.	
Tempest's jaw worked soundlessly, as if she couldn't find the words to adequately describe the depth of her feelings.
I felt my butthole puckering like I'd been doing something kinky with a slice of raw lemon.
"Do you... do you really think so?"  she finally asked in an unexpectedly bashful voice.
"I sure do.  You're very beautiful, you know that?"
"I-I...  nobody ever told me anything like that in as long as I can remember."  She sat down abruptly on her haunches.  "Since I've been scarred and shattered, no one ever tells me I'm beautiful.  Everyone just stares silently at my blemishes, judging me.  Except you."  She sniffed, gently wiping her nose with a steel-shod hoof.
"Hey, sometimes people think something, but are too scared to say it."  Mia stepped forward and gave the Commander a hug.  "I'm sure I'm not the only one who likes your looks."
"T-thanks.  I never realized how much I wanted to hear something like that until you said it."
James, Cadance, and I simply gaped.  A bit of pie slowly dropped from Grubber's open mouth.
"That just happened," James said.
Cadance just gave an incredulous shrug.  "Is Mia a good luck mascot?  Because I thought this was going to end very differently."
We watched the hug's length gradually extend past "friendly" and into "a bit more than friendly."
"Uh, um, okay," Tempest Shadow finally said, trying to get away from Mia.  "Okay, you can let me go now.  Please?  I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable with all the petting and rubbing."
"Sure you don't want to hug just a little longer?"  Mia purred.
Tempest scooted back from her.  "No, thank you, I'm good.  I'll be sure to let you know if I want any more.  Look, I tell you what, though.  I'll let you guys stay here for a while."  She turned to her assistant.  "Grubber, find them some rooms please?"
He shook himself out of the open-mouthed trance he was frozen in.  "Uh, yeah, right away!"
She looked back at us.  "Don't get yourselves killed and make me regret this, okay?  I really don't want to have to explain to Princess Celestia that one of her Alicorns accidentally died on my property."
"I absolutely promise I will do everything in my power to prevent any of us from being killed," Cadance replied.  "Including myself.  Cross my heart, hope to die- oh wait, that's exactly what I'm not supposed to do."
"And don't forget to take them back to their dirigible to pick up their weapons," Tempest added.
"About the dirigible," Cadance began, "There was some rather extensive damage to the front end..."
"Ah, yes, I heard.  I'll set a team on repairing it.  What caused it?"
"We had a run-in with some flying creature that decided to have a little fun with us."
"Oh.  OH.  One of those?  Just one of the bizarre creatures we've had to deal with lately.  Usually they remain in the ocean, where they're mostly harmless.  They take to the skies when a storm passes by, to mate, it seems.  You encountered one and lived to tell the tale?  Perhaps I've underestimated your abilities.  How exactly did you escape without being destroyed?"
"Agent Sky has some very unique skills," Mia stated gravely.  "You could say she jerked us to safety."
I resisted the sudden powerful urge to kick her in the shins.
"I see," Tempest said, very obviously perplexed.  "Well, perhaps you can teach some of those skills to us.  We have lost several ships to these monsters."
I had no idea what to say to this.  My face gradually turned red hot.
"I have a theory which may fend them off," Mia replied, smoothly saving me from the near-fatal levels of embarrassment she had only moments before thrust me into.  "If you have anyone who can chemically analyze an organic sample."
"Maybe the alchemist guild," Tempest said thoughtfully.  "Do you have the sample?"
"Here."  Mia dug in her backpack.  The Silenian guards had not removed them upon capturing us, probably because they were too lazy to carry them and didn't see us as much of a threat anyway.  They'd left our ARHUDs alone too.  I doubt they even knew what they were for, technology didn't seem very advanced in the electronics department here.  If I was to hazard a guess, the Silenians were still running their city off a D/C power grid, which powered the filament electric bulbs well enough for their purposes.  I felt a secret flush of pride in our technology, then a flush of strangeness when I realized I'd been thinking of human technology as if it were my own.
Then again, I'm a ProteC employee.  Human or pony, we're all on the same team.  I glanced at James and Mia, feeling that little rush of secret pride again.
While I quietly gloated over her, Mia handed a sample tube to Tempest Shadow, who held it gingerly in a hoof, looking distastefully at the sticky substance inside.  "What is this stuff?"
"You don't wanna know.  Just tell your chemists to isolate any pheromones they can find.  I think they may function as a repellent."
"I'll see what they can do.  Thanks."  She carefully set the vial on the table, then glanced at the clock.  "Oh, no.  It's almost time for the logistics meeting!  I apologize, but I have to send you to go get situated.  Grubber!  Don't leave yet."
"Whatever you say, Boss."  He looked somewhat wistfully at Mia.
"I'd wanted to send you, Grubber, but I need you to take notes at this meeting."  She thought for a moment, staring into space, then fixed on Princess Cadance.  "Princess, would you mind terribly if I assigned Guard Captain Rango as your personal guide?  I can also assigned an additional security detail for your protection."
Cadance nodded.  "I would be pleased to have Captain Rango's company.  I assure you we will be fine without additional security.  I do not wish to be a burden."
Tempest bit her lip, looking uncertain.
"My current detail is skilled enough," Cadance insisted, nodding her head towards me.  "They've defeated many monsters."
Maybe that was stretching the truth a bit, since Cadance herself had met us while bailing us out of trouble just a short time ago, but I wasn't about to question her judgement in front of Commander Tempest.  I merely nodded my own head with as much confidence as I could manage.
Tempest narrowed her eyes at me, as if daring me to shy away.  I narrowed my own and glared back, which apparently satisfied her.  "Very well.  And I have your word that any misfortune you encounter will not fall back upon my responsibility?"
"You have my word.  I will inform my crew that if anything happens to me, you and your people are to be held blameless."
Hearing this agreement made me particularly uneasy, but I held my tongue and let Cadance do her thing.  After all, she was the expert on foreign relations, being a Princess of Equestria and all, and I trusted her judgement.  Mostly.  I felt like Commander Tempest could be trusted too, but I didn't know her all that well, and I wasn't sure in the least about all the random, tough-looking Silenian people in the streets.
I caught James shooting me a glance, and I nodded back at him, not needing an exchange of words to understand his thoughts.  We'd both be a lot more comfortable after retrieving our weapons from our dirigible.
> Chapter 36:  Color Confusion
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------






(Art by Panda)


"Feels a lot different this time," Mia observed, sitting next to me in the back seat.
"You can say that again," James replied.  He steered our SUV through the streets, carefully avoiding the seemingly suicidal pedestrians who simply jumped off the curbs without paying any attention whatsoever.  Many pointed and stared at our unusual vehicle after we drove past.
"I must apologize again for your unfortunate treatment," Captain Rango said uncomfortably, sitting in the front seat by James.  He looked quite nervous, but Cadance had insisted he sit up there because he was bigger than any of us, and it would have been a bit of a squash to have him back here.  I ended up in the middle between the two pink-haired troublemakers, and as a result I'd been casually fondled and stroked for most of the trip.  Which wasn't nearly as bad as it sounds, truth be told.
"Please stop apologizing," Cadance insisted.  "It's starting to get awkward.  I wouldn't have accepted you as our guide if I felt ill will towards you.  As it is, you kept me from getting slapped earlier, and I sincerely thank you for that."
"Y-yes ma'am."  Rango still looked intensely uncomfortable.  "The rape talk, though.  It was uncalled for-"
"And you dealt with that as well," Mia said.  "No hard feelings, man.  It takes more than a few nasty threats from some goon to make me lose my cool."
"You are admirably resilient young ladies," Rango observed, seeming to relax a bit.
"Maybe you could answer a few questions?" I asked, slapping at Cadance's naughty hoof when it tried to sneak between my legs again.
"Uh, certainly, ma'am.  Ask away."
"Can you tell us what happened to the Storm King?"
Rango visibly shuddered.  "I would rather not, if you don't mind.  It's kind of, well, I think Commander Tempest would prefer to tell you herself."
I shared a quick glance with Cadance, who shrugged slightly.  "Okay, I'll let it wait.  Maybe you could tell me a little bit about the security situation here?  Like in general?"
Rango tapped his jaw.  "Well.  I guess that would be okay, to an extent.  I mean, Commander Tempest did say to treat you as friends."  He stared straight ahead for a bit, then continued.  "I wasn't so high ranking when the Storm King was in charge, and I wasn't privy to all the gossip.  I do know something happened a few weeks ago, and almost overnight the fringes of our domain were besieged by all manner of strange and terrifying beasts."
That roughly correlated with the opening of the Oblivion Gates, which was pretty much as I'd expected all along.
"They terrorized the countryside, completely destroying the smaller towns and killing hundreds.  The survivors moved inwards to the bigger cities where the military defenses were stronger.  Even so, we are having difficulty keeping the creatures at bay.   Some nights it's relatively quiet, other nights they rampage and kill, coming out of the darkness before anyone know what's going on, and wreaking havoc."
"They attack your perimeter?"  Cadance asked.
"Perimeter?" Rango chuckled mirthlessly.  "What perimeter?  Oh, I mean there is security around the city,   but lately it's as if they don't even care.  They just appear places.  Sometimes right in the middle of the city.  It's becoming harder and harder to protect our citizens.  In fact, we've been encouraging the populace to arm themselves.  Guns, swords, even a club if it's the best you can do.  Anything is better than nothing."
"A wise policy," James told him.  "Armed citizens are already on the scene when something happens."
"Indeed.  It's been quiet for a few days," Rango continued.  "Which means we're probably overdue for a big attack.  And it's not just us, but the surrounding countries as well."
"They only attack at night?" I asked.
"Yes.  They don't seem to like the sun very much, although I'd be careful in any shadowy places, like the woods, or basements.  And here we are again," he finished, waving an arm at the castle.
James pulled into the courtyard, and Rango indicated a place to park.  We disembarked and went to the rear to unload our cargo while Rango called over some guards, who eventually brought us a cart.
I loaded the crates onto it with my telekinesis.  Both James and Mia are fit and strong, but naturally my magic and sturdy frame make me the best choice to perform forklift operations.
"That's the last one," I said, gently disengaging my magic on the final box.  "What's in this thing, anyway?"
"Some weapons and a few presents for Tempest Shadow," James replied.  "Hey, wait a moment."  He popped a box and shuffled around inside.  "Captain Rango, something for you."  He held out an older model phone.  The thing had limited range, but I knew it would interoperate with our ARHUDs.  "That way we can communicate if we need to."
Rango held the phone up curiously.  "Ah.  This is a very advanced technology," he muttered, poking at the holographic touch screen.  "Very interesting."
"Keep it so we can get ahold of each other," James said.  "I'll set up a few wireless chargers in the castle."
"Thank you."  Rango was still fascinated by the phone, swiping and sliding at the icons.  "Ah.  How about this?"
My message indicator beeped.
- HELLO! - Rango
- Hi there!  I replied quickly.
He grinned.  "This is great.  How far can it work?"
"As long as the ad-hoc network has reception.  Just keep an eye on these bars here.  And this is your battery meter, it's pretty important too."
"Wonderful machine!"
"Just wait till you get Internet out here," I said.
"What?"
"Ohhh, long explanation, I'll tell you later."
"Very well.  Let's get your things situated."
The four of us followed Rango and the guards while they pushed the cart inside the castle.  Captain Starchaser and the crew of the Pride of Equestria had elected to remain in their small but comfortable cabins while she was at berth.  They were free to roam the city if they should so desire, but Captain Starchaser had made sure they would use the buddy system and check in with him first, in case of trouble or emergencies.
"I don't want to be searching for one pony who wandered off and got mugged," he'd announced.  "You'll go everywhere in pairs, and don't go too far."
Meanwhile, we were being boarded at Tempest's castle.
"Kind of a dreary place," Cadance said softly as we walked through many empty stone halls.
"It does feel a bit empty," James agreed.
Rango overheard them.  "Yes, well, not too long ago, it was full of all manner of tapestry, statue, and rare treasure, all stolen by the Storm King.  Commander Shadow has since been returning these heirlooms and curiosities to their rightful owners."
"The Commander seems somehow different from what I would have expected," Cadance observed.  "I wonder how she came to place herself in charge.  She doesn't seem the type to desire political power."
"Don't misjudge her," Rango said.  "She was a military leader only.  She never asked to be in charge of the citizens.  But, without the Storm King, several countries were left rudderless and confused, including our own.  We were not ready to defend ourselves without his guidance.  There was a summit of multiple nations, and it was agreed that Commander Shadow would be given ultimate control over our militaries, and indeed, in Silenia, she is basically our queen as well, although she will be very angry if anyone addresses her as such.  She doesn't want power.  I wholeheartedly believe she just wants to protect us all from the looming creatures of darkness.  That's why we have an Equestrian mare leading the people of Silenia.  Because she truly cares, and she has the experience to be effective.  She has already been a fairer and better person than the last."
"May the name of the Storm King be forgotten in history, and Commander Tempest remembered in his stead," one of the other guards said.  "He brought naught but war and sorrow to our nation.  Maybe it would seem Commander Tempest, as a foreigner and his former right hand assistant, is an odd choice to replace him, but she watches over us, and she has our full support."  The other nodded in agreement, as did Captain Rango.
"I tend to believe you," Cadance replied.  "She seems straightforward."
"And here are your rooms," Captain Rango announced, halting before a large door.  "The finest in the castle, I might add.  They were the Storm King's, although a few changes have been made since.  There are connected servant's quarters, as requested, so that your bodyguards can be nearby."
"I thank you kindly," Princess Cadance said sweetly.
"Where is Commander Shadow's room, then?"  Mia asked curiously.
"She appreciates a less frivolous and more practical lifestyle."
"I see," Mia nodded.
"The Commander has extended her invitation to a private dinner for you and your companions," one of the other guards added in the ensuing pause.
"That is most kind of her.  We will attend," Cadance smiled.
"If you require my services, I shall be nearby," Captain Rango said in parting.  "You can message me on this most amusing device, I suppose?"  He held up the cellphone.
"Yes, and thank you again for your time and trouble."
With a quick but respectful bow, the Silenians left, closing the door behind them.
"Well, this certainly beats spending the trip in chains," James chuckled, looking around the fancy room.
"I'm taking a look at these 'servant's quarters,' Mia muttered, pulling her boots and socks off.  She padded across the thick carpet in her bare feet, going past the enormous bed and heading for one of the closed doors.  I tagged along behind, curious.  She opened the door and turned on the electric lights.  "Hmm.  Nice bathroom," she observed, stepping in and standing next to the large stone in-floor pond that apparently served as a tub.  Steam gently drifted up from it.
"Servant's quarters," she mumbled again, closing that door and heading to another.  Beyond was a smaller room, much like an upscale hotel.  The weapon rack, service bell, and equipment shelves made it obvious this was what she had been searching for.  "Hmm, rather nice, actually," she said.
Cadance reached near the head of the large bed and yanked a rope.  The bell tinkled in the room Mia was in.  "Ho, Service!" she called.  "I require a hoof massage.  With a happy ending."
"Right away, ma'am!" Mia called, returning. "Just as soon as I change into something more suitable."
She unceremoniously shoved her weapons onto a shelf and stripped to her underwear, then crawled up on the bed beside Cadance.
"I was in jest," the Alicorn princess protested weakly as Mia tugged her boots off and began squeezing her hooves.  "I mean, it feels good, but you don't have to, ahhhh- oh my goodness!  Ah, you don't have to do this, uhhh, I mean..."
"Be careful what you ask for, Goldilocks," Mia purred, leaning down and giving Cadance a teasing lick on her thigh.
"Oh!  Uhhh.  So good."
"Relax when we can, I guess," I said with a shrug, crawling up to lay on the bed without even bothering to take my clothes off.  "Goldilocks, you said?  For some reason I always think of Cadance's hair as pink.  With gold and purple highlights."
"What about gold with deep pink and purple highlights?" Mia asked innocently.
"Or purple with maroon and yellow highlights?" Cadance asked, even more innocently.  "Look at this."  She fluffed her mane with a forehoof.  "Deep colors, see?  That's not exactly pink.  Really, my sexy body is the only part that's standard, regular pink."  She patted her chest and wiggled on the bed.
Mia leaned over and compared some of her own vibrantly colored hair to Cadance's mane, stretching them both out in her hands.  "I don't know, this part of yours is really close to my hot pink."
"I guess," Cadance semi-agreed with a degree of reluctance.  "How about yellow-gold with hot pink-slash-purple highlights?"
I groaned and put my hooves over my face.  "You two are killing me.  I wish I never said anything."
James flopped down beside me in his boxers.  "Yeah, it's whatever.  Let's chill for a minute."  He sprawled out, and I snuggled up against his chest.
"So, what do you think?" I asked after a moment.
"I think you're adorable," he said softly, giving me a kiss on top of my head.
"Aww," I sighed.  "I didn't mean about that, though.  I meant about being here, and especially about Tempest Shadow."
"Oh.  Well, I don't know yet, I haven't seen much of this place.  And Tempest?  Well, she seems nice enough to me.  A bit rough, perhaps, but definitely likeable."
"And cute," Mia added, taking a momentary break from fooling around with Cadance.  "And cool.  I guess this is what happens when she's on her own without anyone directing her to be an ass, like in the movie."
"Interesting," I mused.  "I'm still so confused about how all that works.  Like, I've read Dr. Hardy's theory of a reality barrier breach, but living it is so much weirder than it even sounds, and it sounds pretty weird.  I mean, I'm a cartoon pony in your world, right?"
"Well you never appear in the show anywhere," Mia said thoughtfully, tickling Cadance.  "So I think you're different.  Makes me wonder if, like, I don't know, other shows like Star Trek or something, maybe in some other reality there really is a Federation with trillions of species and characters that nobody ever heard of on the TV shows."
"Okay let's not go too far into possibility land," James said.  "Reel it back in, babe.  There's too much to speculate on right now.  We got enough to deal with already."
"Also entire universes crammed with horrible monsters," I added, before instantly regretting it.  Sure enough, it instantly put a damper on the conversation.
"Yeah.  Shit," Mia frowned, letting Cadance's hoof go.  "Such an unpleasant thought."
"And some of them leaked here, and into your world," Cadance added, rolling over.  "I read Dr. Hardy's papers on the subject too.  I mean, usually if something has a bright side, there's a dark side exactly opposite, right?
"True enough," I said, my comfortable snuggle against James starting to feel a little more like a desperate need for security.  As if sensing the sudden gnawing fear in my heart, James gave me a little squeeze.
"At least we're together, against all odds," he said.  "It's worth the monsters and the danger, just for that."
"Yes, that's true," I agreed.  "I'm lucky to have you guys."
"Well, I suppose we should get ready for dinner with Tempest," Cadance suggested, dragging herself to her hooves with evident reluctance.  "It's almost time.  I wonder what the food is like here.  Oh, and do we have the gifts for Tempest?"
"Sure thing."  James sat up and pointed at one of the crates we'd brought in, which was currently resting on the wheeled cart.  "I'll just move these other..." he stopped as my horn glowed and I used my magic to move the additional items to the floor without either of us having to leave the bed.  "Thanks, Boss."
"It's why you keep me around, right?"
"Well I wouldn't say it's the ONLY reason."  He scratched behind my ears and I sighed with pleasure.
"You're good at a few things, Fuzzpoof," Mia added with a smile.  "I wouldn't trade you for anything."  Then her face grew serious.  "But I'm wondering about your mane color now.  Is it hot pink with-"
"Don't you dare start that again," I growled, trying not to laugh.
> Chapter 37:  The Shadow Coalition
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wow, that looks amazing!"  Mia exclaimed, seeing the small feast spread before us.  Platters of fruit, bowls of salad, bread, some kind of cheesy-looking casserole, as well as some meats on a tray, adorned the large wooden table.  Evidently James and Mia's preferred diet was nothing new to the Silenians and Tempest.
"Welcome," Tempest said, standing up as we entered, mostly out of respect to Princess Cadance I imagined.  She politely gestured us towards the chairs.  "Please, make yourselves comfortable."
We did, and after a brief period of passing plates and chattering, during which James cheerfully carved the meat and gave some to both Mia and  Grubber, we quieted and ate.  I watched James and Mia tearing into the roast like it was going out of style, and felt a twinge of guilt.  Had I been inadvertently starving my poor humans of something they really desired?  It hadn't been been that long since we left the Menagerie and there was plenty of meat on the menu there.  Surely they wouldn't be desperate for it this quickly?  Then again, maybe the spiced beef here was just delicious.  I found myself getting a sudden weird desire to sample it, and mentally slapped myself.  It would be rude to puke on the table.  I wanted to be disgusted with myself for having such thoughts, but instead I felt an odd little glow of pride inside.  I was so close to my sweeties that I actually wanted to try something which had always revolted me, simply because they were enjoying it.  I mean, technically I knew I could digest it without getting too sick, but like most Equestrians I had always found the idea of consuming the cooked flesh of an animal to be intensely repulsive.  	Until this weird urge, at least, which probably came from spending all my time with humans lately.
Maybe I'm just sick in the head, but I don't care.  I mean, it's natural to want to try something your friends like, right?
Okay, probably not in this case.  Anyway, I resisted the strange, rather repulsive urge to jam a lump of roasted flesh into my gullet, and stuck with my salad.
"So," Cadance said presently, holding a fork full of crispy salad near her mouth, "I'm still wondering what exactly happened with the Storm King.  To my understanding, he wasn't the type to simply kick the bucket and make things easy for anyone.  Can you explain, perhaps?"  She shoved the salad in and chewed hungrily.
Tempest made a sour face, as if she'd just bitten into a lemon.  "The Storm King?  That scoundrel died weeks ago.  It was when the monsters first came..."  she trailed off, a sorrowful expression drifting across her countenance.
"If you don't want to tell us," Cadance began, softly.
"Oh hell.  I'll tell you, why not, everyone else probably knows already," she grunted, and leaned back in her chair, crossing her forelegs over her chest in a way that seemed less comfortable and more defensive.  "It's a tale that still bothers me though, I'm sure you'll understand why by the time I finish telling it.  As you probably already know, I was the Storm King's faithful and rather stupid minion.  I followed him everywhere, did everything he wanted.  There were times, however, when he would disappear, sometimes for days at a time, leaving me in charge of things here."
"If news got out he was leaving, everyone would try to rush in and get any needed government business done when Commander Shadow was in charge," Grubber added with a chuckle.  "You should have seen the lines!"
"Don't remind me, I might get a headache just thinking about it," Tempest groaned.  "Anyway,  one day, he told me he needed my help with something, and brought me on a trip."
She stopped and took a drink before proceeding.
"So, as far as I know, we had gone to check on some artifact in a far off cave, just him and I.  Something he'd been playing around with on the sly, some magical thing he didn't want his soldiers to see.  We left them at the airship.  He even made me leave Grubber, who wasn't happy about that at all.  He warned me to be careful, which I didn't listen to well enough."
"I knew the Storm King was up to something," Grubber muttered darkly.
"Yeah.  Anyway, the cave seemed to go on forever.  While we were in there, deep underground, I guess that's when the world changed.  There was a flash of light from some kind of rift in the air ahead, and then we were attacked by a horrific entity that didn't belong in this world."  She paused, staring at her forehooves, then looked back up at us with a wry smile.
"I was scared half to death, but I held my ground in front of my boss.  At the time, I felt I we had something special, you know?  I was his personal bodyguard, his right-hand mare.  I didn't believe love existed, but I did think that maybe, just maybe, I'd found someone who wouldn't toss me away at the drop of a hat.  I actually cared about him, enough to let him fuck me whenever he wanted, even though he was a cruel asshole to me in bed.  I can't tell you how many times I was left bruised and bloodied, humiliated by the revolting things he made me do.  There was this one time he got really drunk.  After he was done fucking and beating me, he hog-tied me, pissed on me, then went to sleep laughing at me.  He left me tied up on the floor next to the bed all night.  I-I've never been so cold or s-so stiff in my entire life as I was laying awake there on the c-cold, hard floor, shivering while he snored above me in the b-bed."  Her voice wavered and she stopped, taking a deep breath.  "Another time he took a whip and a dirty toilet plunger, and he made me, he-he made me..."  she sniffled a little, her eyes welling up, and paused, covering her face with her hooves.
Cadance twitched, seemingly wanting to take the obviously miserable Commander into a hug, but then Grubber surprised us all by sliding over to her and doing so himself.  For a bit, he put his arms around her, comforting his rough-looking boss in barely audible tones.  I saw Cadance gently nodding, and understood without needing words.  I was also glad Tempest wasn't as completely alone as I'd thought at first.
"Th-thanks, I'm okay," she breathed after a moment.  Grubber released her and went back to sitting nearby with his notebook, looking as if nothing had happened.
Tempest's face hardened and she brushed the tears away roughly with her hoof.  "Well, you don't need to hear about that part, anyway.  To make a long story short, I let him do anything to me and didn't complain because I thought it was his weird way of showing affection.  I know, I'm an idiot.  I'm certain now he didn't even have a fetish for the things he did.  He just enjoyed hurting me, watching me suffer under his will, seeing how far I would abase myself so he could laugh and mock me.  In essence, abusing me was his real fetish, making me grovel before him while he reveled in his own power.  I was perpetually ashamed of the swollen purple welts I had to hide beneath my armor before facing anyone in the morning.  I was a stupid fool, and I mistook his perverse brutality for passion for way too long."  She sighed and dragged a hoof down her muzzle.
"That's horrible," Mia said softly.  "What a jerk."
James didn't say anything, but I could see from the fire in his eyes that the Storm King was lucky to not be present.
"It was what it was, and honestly I kind of deserved it," Tempest continued.  "I did bad things then, things I'm not proud of.  Anyway, to get back to the story, as I gazed up into his eyes in that moment of danger with that dreadful monster staring us down, I was fully prepared to sacrifice myself to protect him, no matter what the cost.  But then he took all that away from me in an instant of pure villainy.  I looked up to him, stupid cow that I was.  I trusted him enough to die for him, and then, down there in that dimly lit cave, he gave me this weird little half grin.
'Try not to scream too much, okay?  I feel bad enough about this already,' he said.
'What?' I asked, confused.
Then he stabbed me deep in my left leg with his spear and ran away chortling.
'Why?' I cried out as I fell to the ground.  I was in total, utter shock.  'Why would you?'
'Nothing personal, Tempest,' he shouted back, his insolent voice dripping with self-satisfied flippancy.  'But better you than me!'
I flopped around in the dirt uselessly.  I think I was crying, it's kind of a blur now.  I was all messed up, you know?  Not just the injured leg, but I was also emotionally wounded.  I didn't want to die, but I'd been ready to do it heroically, and now I was just helpless and worthless.  I'd gone from being special, to being some piece of chum he tossed to the sharks while he made good his escape, and that was how it was going to end.  All my noble delusions turned to pathetic, weak struggling on the ground.  I was reduced to a bait worm on a hook, and the bigger fish was coming to swallow me."  She paused a moment, remembering.  I could see another tear trickle down her cheek, which she wiped away hurriedly with a snuffle.
My friends and I stared at her, none of us saying anything.  It was a cruel, sad little tragedy that had befallen her, and despite her own air of toughness and penance, I felt sorry for this lonely, beaten mare.
Finally Tempest shook herself and continued her tale of woe.  "As for the creature?  It was awful.  It stomped over like some kind of twisted caterpillar, too many legs pounding the ground, gobs of drool coating the gaping hole of mouth, and some kind of gnashing sound coming from deep within, like a grinding wheel in a grain mill.
I closed my eyes, and I think I whimpered a little.  I don't know what frightened me more, the nightmare beast looming over me, or the utter lack of honor in the shameful death I was about to receive.  I felt its hot breath on me, a stench of death and rot that just kept coming out forever in a constant flow.  Whatever that cursed thing had inside, it wasn't lungs.
Fortunately for me, however, the Storm King's goofy running and cackling laughter swiftly attracted the monster's ire.  It turned towards him, then barrelled right on past me like an angry bull chasing a rodeo clown, relentlessly pursuing his tantalizingly stupid elbows-and-knees-out monkey hobble.  It knocked him down, then it swept him bodily into its gigantic maw.  The last thing I heard from him after his curses turned to cries of agony, was the crunching and snapping of his bones in the gizzard of that indescribable horror from the shadows."
"How did you escape?"  Mia asked, riveted.
"Well, the monster swallowed him alive, then it just crawled right around past me and went back to who knows where.  Apparently it was satisfied with eating his mangey, treacherous ass.  I eventually dragged myself up, stumbled a very long way back to the entrance, and Grubber here got me to safety."
Grubber puffed his chest out, proud of his achievement.  "Piece of cake," he said.  "I may be a chubby wimp, but I'd never leave my fri-, er, my boss behind to die on purpose."  The usually agreeable fellow spat the words out with a rare simmering rage, and I could see a brief flash of how much he hated the late Storm King.
"Did you guys ever go back to find the artifact?"
"You know, it's funny, but we never could find the cave again," Tempest mused.  "It was as if it had disappeared completely.  And now, the whole area is off limits.  It's extremely active with very dangerous monsters."
"Interesting," Cadance mused, tapping her jaw.  "I wonder if there is some relation between the artifact and the proximity of that rift."
"I don't know," Tempest said.  "I was trying pretty hard not to die, and to tell the truth, my mind wasn't really on that at the time."
"And you have no idea what the artifact was."
"None whatsoever, except the Storm Prick seemed to think my magical energy might help him use it somehow."
"I see.  And since that day you've ruled Silenia on your own."
"Well, things kind of went bad after that.  We got back to find out there were creatures running rampant all over the place.  They'd spawned from nowhere, and were creating no end of destruction.  The Storm King was dead, and there was nobody to lead the country."
"Except you," I said.
"Basically.  With the King dead, there was chaos.  The nearby countries he'd conquered were totally unable to defend themselves or organize a response to the monster invasion.  In Silenia, the people demanded a new leader.  They demanded me.  I didn't want it, I just wanted to sit in some dark corner and feel sorry for myself, but I had a responsibility to save these people as best I could, so here I am.  What choice did I have?  It was partly my fault things were messed up.  I couldn't leave these people to die."
"That is the spirit of a true leader," Cadance said gravely.
"It doesn't end there," Grubber explained eagerly.  "The surrounding countries begged for assistance after the fall of the Storm Empire.  Silenia, having been the source of their problems, couldn't refuse.  They have their own legal rulers, but they put Tempest... er, Commander Shadow, in charge of military actions."
"I had no friends, and now I'm everybody's hero," Tempest sighed.  "No pressure, but millions of lives depend on your ability to out think a horde of monsters that just randomly appear places without rhyme or reason."  She rubbed her face.  "I can barely sleep at night."
And I had thought I had it tough leading my own section at Menagerie,  I thought somewhat shamefully.
"Anyway," Tempest began, then the door banged open and a harried-looking guard rushed in.  "Ma'am!  Commander!  Sorry for the intrusion, but I must relay you a message!"
"Of course, come forwards," she said.
The big guard rushed up to the much smaller mare and leaned down to speak into her ear, which drooped further the longer he spoke.
"I see," she finally said, tiredly.  "Okay.  Go tell them to wait, I will be there directly."  She turned to us, and smiled wryly.  "A matter has arisen which I must attend to.  I'm sorry to cut this short, but we may continue some time tomorrow, at your convenience, and provided I haven't been pulled into a hundred pieces yet."
"Do you, I mean, can we assist you in some way?"  Princess Cadance asked.
"Not just yet, I'm afraid.  This isn't that kind of issue.  Just take some time to relax after your journey.  Finish your meals, explore the castle if you like.  I advise you not to leave the safety of the building, though with any luck, it'll be a peaceful evening, and the monsters will limit themselves to simply testing our defenses at the city walls.  If you need anything, Captain Rango will be around."
She turned and started to leave, then looked over her shoulder as an afterthought, speaking with a tone of darkly ironic humor.  "And welcome to the Shadow Coalition, by the way."
She then turned and headed out of the room with Grubber in tow, closing the heavy door behind her.
"Guess we'll just give her the presents later then," James said, waving at the cart of stuff we had left sitting by the entryway.
"Guess so," I agreed.
> Chapter 38:  Surprise Party
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know, I still hardly have a clue what's going on here," I said, staring at the ceiling.  "Seems like there's quite a lot happening, yet I don't really understand much of it."
"What exactly are you referring to?" James asked, rummaging through one of the crates we'd brought.
"I mean, the monsters out here and stuff.  They, like, well, the details haven't been very good."
He stopped for a moment, eyeballing me over the box.  "Well, it seems as if everyone has been really busy or something.  I don't think they're holding out on us."
"That wasn't what I meant.  I just don't have a very good image of what we're up against."
"We aren't up against anything," Cadance interjected.  "This is just a diplomatic mission, remember?
"Tell that to our raped zeppelin," Mia said, poking at the disassembled pieces of her rifle on the desk.
"Oh, yeah.  Sorry, I wasn't awake for any of that," the princess replied ruefully.  "I still feel bad about it."
"The point is, we tend to get involved whether we want to or not," Mia continued, sliding the bolt back into her firearm and reconnecting the electronic sensor pack before snapping the mechanism shut.  "Just a consideration, not an accusation, none of us blame you."  She set the rifle down beside the desk.
"Thank you," Cadance smiled weakly.
"I meant the details are hazy," I began again.  "They said the monsters appear randomly.  How or why do they do that?"
James shrugged.  "How or why do they do anything?"
"Ugh.  Look, I mean, they've given us no specifics.  No clue what the creatures look like, or what they do, or how they arrive."
"Well, they kill people," Mia said.  "And maybe they don't know how they arrive.  And have you ever tried to describe one of the monsters to anyone who hasn't seen one before?  Good luck."
"Fair point," I conceded.  "Still, I've come to hate surprises."
"Weren't you surprised when I rescued you guys?" Cadance asked.
"That's different!" I protested.  "That was a good surprise."
"Want another good surprise?"
"Wha-"
Cadance dropped her hotpants off, then leapt on the bed next to me, where she swiftly straddled me and sat down directly on my face in reverse cowgirl position.  "Surprise!"
"Mmmph!  Blah!"  I squawked, wiggling out from under her tail.  "Cadance!  What the hay!"
James stopped what he was doing and stared at us, the hint of a smile playing on his lips.  "Yeah, we haven't done this for fifteen minutes," he quipped, dropping the lid on the crate.  "Maybe this time you'll get farther than first base?"
"How much you wanna bet something happens to interrupt us?" Mia said darkly, pulling her camera out.
"Uh, guys, help?" I whimpered.
"Stop it, you," Cadance chided, scowling down at me.  "You know you want this."
"I, uh-"
Her features softened.  "Look, sweetie, if you really want me to stop, just tap my butt.  I'll stop, I promise."
"O-okay," I whispered.  I didn't tap her butt.
"Okay then.  Here goes."
She lifted her ass up and repositioned, this time putting her vagina directly on my nose and sliding down to smother me inside her.
"Urk!  Mmmph!" I gasped, my face jammed squarely into her warm pink pussy.  Her tangy juices trickled into my mouth, and I felt my heart pounding and my own nether regions tickling.  I could barely breathe, but I didn't slap her butt just yet.  The sudden, eager warmth in my belly wouldn't let me.
"Now lick it," Cadance demanded, looking down at me sternly over her shoulder.
"Mmmph," I protested weakly, forcing my tongue into her wetness.
"Take your pants off and stand in front of me," Cadance ordered, looking away from me.  I couldn't see exactly what was going on with her tail swishing over me, but in a moment the bed creaked and I could see James had gotten on it out of the corner of my eye.  Laying there with Cadance's firm butt on my face, I heard slurping noises and James groaning with pleasure.
"What's the matter, big boy?  Never had an Alicorn suck your dick before?" Cadance chuckled after a bit.  "Yeah, I've seen that meme.  I've been wanting to say that for some time now and- mmmph!"
From below I could see James had put his hands on her ears and pulled her head roughly forwards again, gagging her while he fucked her throat.  I snickered, pussy slime running down my face.
"This is great stuff," Mia said admiringly, walking around the bed with the camera.  "And for once we haven't been interru-"
A knock came at the door.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Mia fumed.
I expected Cadance to stop, but she didn't, continuing to fuck my face and suck James off while Mia strode angrily to the door.
"Yes?" Mia asked in an artificially sweet voice, cracking the door and blocking the view with her body.  "No, that's fine.  We are fine with new towels in the morning.  Is there, like, a do not disturb sign or something?  Oh, well, let them know if the Princess needs anything she will ring the bell, there is no need to check on her.  Yep.  Thanks, bye now!"  Mia slammed the door on whoever was outside and returned.  "I told them to fuck off unless we want something," she announced.  "And now I'm putting this camera on the chair."
"Mmph?" I asked, having some difficulty breathing with Cadance smothering me.
"It's a crime that nobody is paying attention to your needs," Mia said to me, crawling up on the bed and around in front where I couldn't see.  Soon I felt her tugging my own tight little shorts off, and then the cool air of the room gently touched my bared crotch.
"Remember this at promotion time, Boss," Mia giggled, spreading my legs and putting her mouth on me, then licking my horny pussy.
"Mmmm," I moaned, wiggling my hips.  Up above I heard a grunt from James, and Cadance's pussy tightened around my trapped muzzle.  From the sounds, it was easy to gather he'd just blown his load into her mouth.
Then, Cadance's rear abruptly lifted from my face.  I was delighted to discover I could breath easily again, which was short-lived because within seconds Cadance laughingly spat her huge mouthful of James's cum across my face.
I sputtered, trying to sit up with the mixture of semen and royal saliva running down my cheeks and into my nose and mouth, but Cadance and Mia pushed me back down insistently.
"Just relax, we'll take care of it," Mia purred, crawling up and licking my cheek.  Between the two of them, they had my face clean again in seconds.
"Thanks for being a good sport," Cadance winked after they'd finished.
"The things I do for my country," I sighed.  "Proud to serve, ma'am."
"And now, since you've been so well behaved,  I'll show you my true Alicorn powers," Cadance said mischievously.
"Wha-?" I asked suspiciously, but she had already taken up a position with her face between my legs.
"What are you doi- Ugh!  Ahh!  Oh, shit!" I squealed as she put her mouth on my slit and began licking.  I don't know what she was doing, but her tongue thrashed around inside me like a whirlwind, hitting all the right places so rapidly I felt like I was on fire.
"Ah!  Ohh!  Gahhh!" I screamed, arching my back and grabbing the sheets.  "Yes!  Yes, oh baby, oh my gosh, oh yes!"
Mia leaned forward and started sucking on my little tits, and I couldn't take it any more.
"I'm gonna cum," I gasped "Oh, fuuuuuck!"
My whole body shook and I felt hot liquid squirting from my crotch.  Cadance lapped it up, her tongue dragging up and down my pulsing, leaking pussy.  Little drops of the warm orgasm urine shone on her face and mane while she slurped down the majority of my mess.  Mia retrieved the camera and brought it in for a close up.
Finally I lay still, groaning a little.  Cadance sat back.  "You popped quick," she giggled, licking piss off her muzzle.  "That was easy."
I just groaned weakly, a hoof across my forehead, panting.
Cadance leaned over me.  "Hey, you okay there?"
"Y-yes, just trying to catch my breath," I wheezed.  I reached up and patted her cheek with a hoof.  "Thanks, for...  what you did."
"I was afraid you might have passed out," she giggled.  "Pleasuring you was my pleasure."
Still laying spreadeagled on my back, I watched Mia fooling around with the camera.  "Let's see what we got," she exclaimed happily, looking at the holo controls.  Then she squinted at the screen.  "Uh, that's odd."
"What's odd?" Cadance asked.  "Don't tell me the recording came out badly!"
"Would it be so awful to have to do it again?" James grinned.
"N-no, Cadance said.  "But I'd like to have a nice collection, you know?  Shining Armor loves having fresh material to jerk off to."
"Look," Mia said, angling the camera display towards us.  "Just briefly, there's some kind of weirdness with the recording.  See?"
She held out the camera, and I saw myself laying on my back, right after Cadance had made me squirt.  Mia got off the bed and came towards the camera, and right as she picked it up, something dark appeared and then immediately disappeared.
"Huh," I said.  "Maybe it was a shadow or something?"
"Or a bug?" Cadance suggested, squinting at the camera.
"Throw it to me," James commanded, putting on his ARHUD.  "I definitely want a copy of it anyway," he added with a wink.
"Catch," Mia said, tossing the recording to his ARHUD with a flick of her finger.
He sat naked on the edge of the bed and fiddled with controls we couldn't see for a few moments.
"I'm running it through a video editor," he explained.  "This thing is ultra high definition, it should show anything."
He fiddled a bit longer, then shrugged.  "Not much to see, here, look."
We all retrieved and put on our own ARHUDS, joining James's virtual workspace.  The image he turned to us didn't show much but a kind of foggy shadow in the center of the room near the foot of the bed.
"No telling what it is," he said with a shrug.  "Probably nothing, I don't know."
"Look, it's across several frames," Mia said, tweaking a knob.  "It comes up, then immediately sinks back down."
"Ghost gopher?" Cadance joked.  "At least it didn't ruin any of the action scenes."
I shifted the virtual knobs back and forth, watching the dark blob rise and fall.  "I don't know," I said softly. "I didn't really notice anything unusual at all, of course I was a little worn out at the time."
"Still say it was a bug," Cadance shrugged.
"I don't see any bugs in here."
"Maybe it was a really small one."
"Maybe," I said.  "I need a bath, though."
"Ohh, bath!"  Mia trilled, tossing the camera onto the bed.  "Me too!"


***


That night, as I lay comfortably between Mia and James, I kept finding my thoughts returning to that dark thing at the foot of the bed.  Maybe I did once, but I don't believe in coincidences anymore.  Not here, not in a country over shadowed by evil.
I shuddered, glad to be cradled between my two humans, even if they were asleep.  Cadance's wing reached over us from where she lay tucked in beside Mia, and I was glad for that too, the soft feathers adding another barrier between me and the unknown.
I know, I shouldn't be such a wimp.  But I think we all feel a little vulnerable at times, don't we?  There's something about the night, and about sleeping, that makes all the errant thoughts of the day seem so much more real, even the outlandish and weird ones.  I shivered again.
"Eris?  Are you okay?" James whispered in my ear.
"You're awake," I murmured gratefully.  "I'm sorry.  I just can't stop thinking about...  things.  Weird things.  I'm sorry, I know I should be braver, but I'm kind of scared."
"I understand," he said, reaching across me and holding me tightly.  "We've seen so many unsettling things.  If I didn't have you girls here with me, I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink."
"Thanks, I love you," I whispered, giving him a small kiss.  "I'm so glad we're together."
"Me too, darling.  Love you."
Snuggled there as I was, I eventually drifted off, and eventually I dreamed about walking in the sunlight on a country road, with Mia and James laughing beside me.  It was beautiful, and warm.
Yet even in the middle of the day, the shadows were deep on either side of the path, and something whispered to me from the pooling darkness, something ancient, something distant but slowly drawing closer, something that sent little chills up my spine and made the day feel colder and bleaker despite the sun above.
> Chapter 39:  Forlorn Remnants
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This place was the site of enemy action not long ago," Rango explained, waving his arms around the large, wrecked courtyard, indicating the crushed benches, broken statues, smashed pots, and other signs of violence.  "Six soldiers died here protecting the city."  He pointed at a brown stain that lingered on the ground.  "Brave heroes, they were."
"My respects to the fallen," Princess Cadance said softly.
Mia's exo suit hummed slightly as she knelt down, holding her slung rifle across her knees and reaching her hand out over the stain.  "I hope they killed many monsters before they fell," she said, bowing her head.
"That they did, in fact they killed them all by the end.  It was a hard battle, though, guns and swords against claws and tentacles."  He nodded at us gravely, then turned and walked ahead, gesturing for the property manager, a larger Silenian woman who had met us here, to come along.  
I followed Rango towards the doors of the mansion in front of us.  Tempest Shadow had greeted us briefly at breakfast, her eyes tired yet lighting up a bit upon seeing us, only to yet again be dragged away within minutes by her endless duties, Grubber resolutely by her side.
Rango had taken charge of us after we ate, and at our request he was showing us the sites of some of the troublesome incursions which had been terrorizing Silenia over the past weeks.  This was the third site we'd visited in our search for clues, and so far the results had been inconclusive.
"The creatures came from inside the house at this one," he continued as we ascended the steps.  "They killed almost everyone inside, but a young maid escaped by jumping out a window over the wall near the back of the building.  She broke both her legs on the cobblestones, poor girl, but she is lucky to be alive.  The others, not so lucky."
We fetched up behind Rango.  All of us were armed, Rango and the lady included, the latter two with large local revolvers.  "I sat in when they got her story at the hospital," Rango explained.  "She said the things came from the basement, and burst the doors into the kitchen, murdering everyone as they went.  They swarmed the house, tearing people to pieces until she managed to leap from upstairs.  The inside is quite a mess, and as it was simply sealed after the investigators finished with only minimal cleaning efforts, I am ready to wager the smell is unpleasant.  Are you sure you wish to continue?"
"I think we need to take a look," Cadance said, frowning.  "Maybe we can find some useful clues.  Not to say that your people are inferior, but they may not have the experience we do in some areas."
"Very well," Rango replied, nodding to the other woman, who pulled out a large key ring.  "If you would please grant us access?"
"Aye," she said in a heavy accent.  "There were good people lived here too, as kindly as they were prosperous.  They did not deserve what happened to them.  I be hoping you might find the cause of these troubles, and put a stop to this, before other innocents pay the price.  These be dark times, me friends.  Dark times indeed."  She turned the key with a clank, then pulled the door open for us, revealing the darkened interior.  "I'll just be waitin' out here, then.  I've got no desire left to visit the inside again, not after what I seen that day."
"Will you be fine then, Bessie?" Rango asked.
"Don't worry your head none on account of me.  Go and find whatever you can find, then, I be takin' care of myself just fine out here."  She gently patted the massive holster on her belt.
"As you wish, then."  Rango stepped up to the entryway, drawing his own giant revolver in one hand, before pushing into the huge and dusky foyer beyond.
Cadance's and my own hoofsteps echoed off the marble floor below as we followed him, flanked by Mia and James, who both held rifles at the low ready, their exo suits making them look bigger and tougher than usual.  My own rifle was clipped to my back where I could retrieve it quickly if need be.  Cadance for her part had a ProteC modified Glock in her thigh holster.  She was dressed just like me again, her butt perfectly accentuated by the black hotpants.  It was very sexy in my opinion.  I hoped it looked that good on me.
For a moment we all stood there, looking at the enormous mansion staircase sweeping up before us.  The darkness receded somewhat as Ringo flicked on the electric chandelier, but the eeriness remained.
"I guess this is the part where one of us is supposed to suggest we split up and explore this place in groups of one?" James quipped nervously.  "We can cover more ground that way!"
"Cover it in blood, most likely," Mia added darkly.  "This place is already creeping me out."
"We should use great caution," Rango warned us.  "Stay together.  The monsters came one time, probably not again, but what if some are hidden away still?  Stay together, that's what!"
"That's the plan," Cadance said.  "I doubt I have to say this, but no running off by yourselves, please."
"You don't have to tell me twice," I shuddered, looking at the dark stains splattered across the walls.  I could just barely detect the horrible, lingering smell of rotting meat in the air.  I grimaced.
"Okay then.  What do you want to see?" Rango asked.
"The basement," Cadance answered.  "The source of the attack."
"Yes, Princess.  Follow me."
"Call me Cadance if you like.  I rather dislike unecessary formality."
"Of course, Princess Cadance," Rango replied, looking uncomfortable.
"I mean if it's just us, you don't need to use my title every time.  It gets old."
"As you wish, Princ... er, Cadance."  Rango pronounced her name with an obvious effort of will.  "But what if I forget and call you that in public?  I will appear...  disrespectful."
"If anyone has a problem with it, I will explain to them."
"Okay.  Then come this way, Princess."
I chuckled, and we headed towards the back of the mansion, passing to the side of the grand stairway.
"The worst of the massacre was through here," Rango explained.  "The kitchen and dining room were full of servants preparing the evening meal.  They were horribly murdered.  It took the coroner's crew a long time to collect all the body parts afterwards."  He pointed down a dimly lit hallway as we went past.  "Servant's quarters.  Several died in there.  The monsters were thorough."
"Wait," Cadance called out.  "What's that?"  She started down the corridor, and stopped standing over a brown, fuzzy object.  She lifted it telekinetically into the air.  "This is...?"
A small, torn teddy bear hung in front of us, suspended by Cadance's magic.
"That..." Rango paused.  "This was a family house.  Even the servants had families.  The children..."  he was silent for a moment, his mouth working silently.  "The little ones were not spared."
"Oh," Cadance said heavily.  "Oh, dear."  She carefully placed the sad little bear back on the floor, next to a long, brown stain that stretched back to the quarters down the hall ahead of us.  I realized small hand prints were stamped on the ground, on either side of the stain, and I looked away quickly, catching Mia's eye.  I saw tears there, and when she wiped the back of her gloved hand across her face, I realized my own vision was blurring as well.  I blinked and wiped my own eyes with a hoof.
"Let's finish this quickly," Cadance said softly, her voice shaky.
"Yeah," Rango said roughly.  "We go downstairs.  Follow me."
Leaving that hallway behind, we once again headed for the kitchen. only this time we went in silence until Rango paused to open a wooden door.  "Kitchen," he informed us simply.
The door creaked open, and a much stronger scent of death washed over us.
"Ugh," I gagged, the vomit rising in my throat as I worked my jaw, forcing myself to swallow the acrid puke that trickled into my mouth.
Even James looked green, but he took it better than I did, frowning and looking nervously into the room beyond.
"It was very bad in here," Rango explained.  "Worst thing I've ever seen in my life."
As Rango and James moved forward into the stench with Cadance in their heels, Mia looked down at me.  "Hey, Eris?  How come it never got this bad in Equestria?  I mean, you had a lot of rifts too, but I don't hear about big messes like seem to have happened here."
"Because of the unicorns," I explained.  "When the breach happened and monsters started coming through, the unicorns protected everypony else.  Our magic is effective against the creatures from the other side, and we are a good percentage of the overall population."
"Wow.  Equestria was lucky."
"Very.  That first night, unicorns guarded the streets.  They chased down the most dangerous creatures, while the police and military hunted down the smaller ones.  I was still in training at the time, but they called us out to help protect Canterlot until the situation was mostly under control and the rifts were contained.  I didn't actually see a single monster that night, but in some places I heard it was pretty crazy."
We moved into the kitchen, following the two males.
"But in a way, it wasn't luck," Mia continued, looking at the splatters of blood and dried chunks of gore on the ceiling.  "It was because you guys were there, embedded in the population, always ready to protect your friends, families, and everypony else if something bad happened."
"I never really thought of it that way," I admitted.  "I mean, I'm just a unicorn.  I didn't really think that we're like, the soldier ants, or something."
"Maybe you aren't.  But you still had the power to fight.  You were always armed for combat whether you thought about it or not, and you made the difference.  You were the first responders."
"Y-yeah."  I drifted into thought for a moment, and almost immediately tripped over a pot laying on floor.  "Yeek!"  I squawked.  The pot clanged wildly away, skittering across the bloodstained stones with an unholy racket.  The entire floor here looked as if it had been painted brown, the bloodstains were so thick.  I barely managed to catch myself before my face plowed into the horrible filth, and I pulled myself up, chilled at the thought.
"Jeez, Boss, you scared the shit out me," James hissed from up ahead.
"S-sorry," I whimpered.  "I scared the crap out of myself, too."
"Hopefully not literally?" Mia whispered at me, grinning weakly.
"Not this time, thank goodness."
"I almost pissed my panties," she added.  "Adrenaline rush."
"I'll try not to play soccer with any more metal objects," I muttered.  "Although I'm not against you pissing your panties."
"Pervert," Mia said, shaking her head at me in mock disappointment.
"You made me this way," I sighed.  "I was a normal pony before I met you."
"You're a terrible liar, Fuzzpoof."
I hung my head.  "I know.  I'm a little slut."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Mia giggled.  "I mean-"
"Are you girls coming?" Cadance asked over our ARHUDS.  I looked up to see they were already at the far end of the kitchen, and I also realized I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings.
"Sorry," I said.  I trotted across the room alongside Mia, and we all fetched up at the basement doorway.  Fragments of wood clung to the hinge screws, the door itself severely broken and laying off to the side.
"Nobody died in the basement,"  Rango said softly, peering skittishly down the staircase and into the darkness below.  "Nobody was down there when the monsters came, but as you can see, they burst through here, and slaughtered everyone."
I could almost see it in my mind, the Silenian people in the kitchen, laughing, smiling, talking, and cooking, when suddenly the door blasted inwards, and some horror from beyond the universe crashed in, tearing them apart with tentacles and claws while heart-rending screams and the wet splatter of shredded flesh filled the room.  I shivered, the thoughts disturbing me deeply.  The little, forlorn teddy bear in the hallway...
I shook my head, not wanting to think any further about this.  I had to keep my mind from wandering that way.
Rango reached next to the door and flicked the light switch.
Nothing happened.
Grumbling, he flicked it up and down again, to no avail.
"This worked last time," he growled.  "Strange that it doesn't work now."
"I don't like coincidences, " James added, pointing his bright weapon light down the stairs.  It lit the passage up remarkably well, and we could see it was clear all the way down until it reached a sharp right angle and vanished from sight.
"Narrow as hell too," he groaned.  "Two abreast maybe?  This sucks.  Is this the only way down?"
"I heard there's another, but I'm not sure exactly where," Rango said thoughtfully, pulling a flashlight we'd given him out of his pocket.  "This is supposed to be the biggest, though."
"Ugh," James grunted.  "Even worse."
"We can cover the back and make sure nothing sneaks up," I suggested, nudging Mia, who nodded at me curtly.  She looked back out into the dark kitchen, her ARHUD glasses illuminating it in infrared the same as mine were.
"Okay, but follow us down," Cadance ordered.  "I don't want us losing sight of one another in here."
"No argument here."
"Okay, let's go," Cadance told James and Rango.  "I'll lead the way."
"Like hell you will," James said, blocking her path.  "You're a Princess.  You stay behind us."
Rango nodded.  "Appreciate the gesture, ma'am, but please let some soldiers go first."
"Besides," James grinned.  "If we get in trouble, we need you to save us.  You're Plan B."
Cadance bit her lip for a moment, then sighed.  "Okay, fine.  But be careful, please."
We waited at the top of the stairs while the other three descended.  When they reached the curve, we went down, and waited there while they descended again, after which we all collected at the bottom of the stairs.
I stared out into the basement in infrared, and was disappointed to see nothing but a bit of dirt floor and a big stone pillar in front of my face where I had expected an open view.  My night vision quickly changed back to color as Rango's flashlight played around.
"Do you hear that?" he asked, tilting his head.
"Hear what?"
"I'm not sure.  Very faint.  Maybe is just wind or something."
"Wind?  Down here?" Mia asked.  "It wasn't even breezy when we came in ten minutes ago."  I could detect the sudden tense quality of her voice.
I pricked my own ears forward, trying to breath shallowly.  "I don't hear anything."
"Should we turn back?" Cadance asked.  "I mean, just diplomacy, right?  I promised I'd keep you guys safe, and somehow this already feels more dangerous than the other places we've been today."
She was right.  Down here in the dark, with the thick air of the underground pressing down on us, I felt distinctly ill at ease.  It was as if I stood at the mouth of a labrynth, not the entrance to a basement.  I tried very hard to keep the word "lair" out of my mind.
"I think it stopped being diplomacy when we found that teddy bear upstairs," James said tightly.  "If there is something here, what if it gets out and finds another house?  This is a neighborhood.  There are people living right next door.  We should at least check.  After all, we are probably the best equipped to deal with anything, right?"
"Magic bullets, a unicorn, and an Alicorn princess," Mia added.  "That's better than a squad of soldiers.  No offense, Captain."
"Not offended.  Our soldiers not well equipped to fight monsters.  I believe you can do better, horned ponies are very powerful."
"Okay," Cadance acquiesced.  "We check it out.  But if I say something, you guys do it, okay?"
"Yes ma'am," I affirmed.  "We follow your orders."
"Thank you."  Cadence's smile was genuine as she nodded at me.
"Ahhh," sighed a soft, eerie voice somewhere out in the basement.  "Ahhhhhhhhhh."
My skin crawled right up the back of my neck.  "D-did you hear that?" I gasped, ripping my rifle off my back and standing upright to shoulder it.
The looks on everyone else's faces told me that they had indeed.
> Chapter 40:  Strange Matter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------




(Art by Grim Grin)


We stood in the small vestibule, none of us really wanting to be the first to poke a nose out and see what was making the eerie noises.  I stood near the center, aiming my rifle out into the uncomfortably dark room beyond.  Beside me, Mia wisely kept an eye on the stairway behind us.  I was glad one of us had presence of mind, because I'd completely forgotten to cover our rear in my nervousness over the noises I'd heard in front.
"I'm taking a look," James finally hissed under his breath, the ARHUD making his whispered voice clear to all of us.
"Be careful," Rango said, close enough to hear without an ARHUD.  "I don't like these sounds."
James sidled up to the edge and peeked out to the right, then the left, then straight up.  "I don't see anything right here," he informed us momentarily.  "But it smells like something died in here."
"Ahhhh," came the haunting reply.
"Definitely further out past the pillars," he said softly.
"Let's go check it out together?" Cadance suggested, suddenly sounding less sure of herself than usual.  "Stay close."
Moving carefully over the packed dirt floor, I stayed near James, checking the sides while he scanned ahead.  "I think something is on the other side of the foundation columns," he informed us, moving around it and towards another doorway on the other side.  I could definitely smell the undertones of rotting flesh.
"Be careful," Cadance implored, wrinkling her nose.
"I intend to be," James said, leaning out to look into the next area.  "Oh.  What the...   Eeew."  James shone his light out into the massive dirt-floored room.  "Well, that's not normal, is it?"
Rango peered out next to him, and Mia shone her light out as well.
In front of us was an eerie garden of glowing vase-like plants of varying heights, some reaching maybe eight or nine feet in height while others were mere inches tall.  Their fleshy sides softly expanded and contracted, as if they were breathing.  The sickly green luminescence flared and pulsed hypnotically with the movement.  Waving tendrils extended from slimy-looking orifices at the top of each creature.  A soft chorus of sighing sounds drifted towards us from the creepy growth.
"I'm starting to wish I brought my flamethrower," Cadance said softly.  "These things aren't native to your country, are they?"
"No, never seen them before," Rango confirmed, staring apprehensively at the pulsating objects.
"They look like some kind of fungus..." I began, trailing off as a strangely-shaped glowing rat dragged by.  On closer inspection, its back was infested with a plentiful growth of the disgusting plant-things in miniature.
"Ahh.  Aaaaaahh, ah, ahhh," sighed the filthy little things in a tiny chorus.
"That's just plain wrong," Cadance said, frowning.  "That's..." her voice faded as a sickly-looking cat stumbled past, also covered in breathing mushrooms. "Ahhhhhh!" they purred.  "Ahhhhhhhhh!"
Perturbed, I shone my light at the base of the big patch of things, and there lay the bony, melted remnants of what looked like cats, dogs, rodents, and other such creatures, partially buried in filthy, bubbling ooze that had filled the center of the basement floor.
"Where did they all come from?" I asked, my stomach knotting in disgust.
"Must be a hole in the foundation somewhere," Mia surmised.  "Ugh.  That's so gross."
"Why would they keep coming?  There's so many."
"Don't you feel it?"   Cadance asked.
"Wha-" I paused.  "I feel..."
"Hungry?"
I shuddered involuntarily.  "Y-yeah."
"Hungry for the fungus?"
"It's disgusting but...  I kind of...  I kind of want to eat it."
"I think that's how it's collected so many animals to grow on.  It's using a pheromone or a telekinetic signal or something like that to make them want to consume it.  It probably doesn't work so well on us because we're smarter, but we can still feel it."
"And when they eat it, it infects them."  I looked out at the horrible medley of infested animals, the fungus sighing and glowing atop their bodies in festering clumps, and saw a rat scampering across the floor.  It reached the vile cluster, and began to eagerly stuff its face.  Slowly, tendrils reached out, gently tugging it in.  It ate hungrily even as they closed on it, becoming one with the fungoid nightmare, so filled with greedy hunger that it didn't even try to fight as it was pulled in, desperately cramming pieces of glowing green muck down its dirty little gullet until it disappeared completely into the sludge.
"Are you eating it, or is it eating you?" Mia hummed.  "One lick, is never enough of The Stuff!"
"What?" I asked, a little freaked out by the song.
"Oh, it's from an old horror movie.  Seeing this mess just brought it to my mind."
"I see." I made a mental note never to watch this movie.
"Nerd," James commented with a half-grin.
"You'd understand if you saw it," Mia stated confidently.  "Uh, by the way.  That sighing.  Do you think it's releasing spores?  The atmosphere in here could be toxic, or infectious."
"I sure hope not." James backed up a bit.  "They'd be everywhere."
"Hold on," Cadance said.  "I'll check."  She stepped up beside James and closed her eyes, sweeping a barely-visible pane of magic across the area in front of her.
"Um.  Oh, gross, even scanning these things nauseates me."  Cadance paused to make gagging noises before continuing.  "At least it's not spores or pheromones.  Well, no special ones, anyway.  And I'm definitely feeling a low-level psionic field emanating from the growth.  The hunger sensation comes from that.  I'm pretty sure a creature that goes to such lengths to be eaten wouldn't have bothered if it could spread easily through spores, anyway."
"What about the weird noises they're making?" I asked.
"I think, and this is just a guess, that the unfortunate creatures they infest are slowly decaying or something, even though they're still moving around.  See how melted they look?  The plant-things are using the released decomposition gas for additional nourishment.  That's why it barely smells like rot when they belch.  They use most of it for energy.  Otherwise this place should smell a hell of a lot worse than it does, even if it does smell pretty bad in here."
The more I thought about that, the more like puking I felt.  I grimaced, smacking my lips uncomfortably against the gorge rising in my throat, made even more horrific by the simultaneous urge to rush over, dip in my hoof, and start shoveling the putrid, glowing fungoid slime into my mouth.  "Can we, like-"
James interrupted me, putting a hand on my shoulder and pointing.  "I think it knows we're here.  Look!"
He was right.  The sludge and bodies had started to ooze towards us.  It was revolting, a shifting, squelching mess of slime and half-disintegrated yet still living animal parts that somehow moved in coordination to slide the disgusting mass in our direction.
"Oh, hell, let's go get my flamethrower," Cadance said decisively, backing away.  "This is beyond gross."
"Don't have to tell me twice," I agreed, backing away and turning towards the stairs.
"Uh, guys?" Mia said as we approached the vestibule again, her voice quavering slightly.  "I think we have a bigger problem."
"What?" I asked.
"There's something coming down the stairs."
"W-what?"  I looked up where she indicated, and my breath caught in my throat.
Oozing down the stairs was a monstrous, gooey mass of shapeless glowing sludge, atop which numerous smaller versions of the fungoid tubules clustered and wheezed.  The legs and appendages of absorbed creatures scrabbled about here and there, mostly doing nothing because the downstairs slant seemed to give the whole thing enough energy to move without their help.  As it came, the blobbish entity explored the walls and hall with slimy tendrils, banishing any faint hopes that it was merely an overflow of simple filth.  The rotten blob of living scum approached slowly, rolling stickily from step to step, and I had the distinct feeling our weapons would do little to deter it, although I wasn't going to give up without trying.
"What do we do?" Mia asked tightly.  "It's behind us and in front of us."
"Try shooting it," I ordered, bringing my weapon up to my shoulder.  James came up on my other side, giving me a little twinge of confidence.
Together the three of us fired a burst volley at the approaching gunk, the bullets streaking in on glowing trails of purple magic.  Fortunately, the ARHUD active hearing protection kicked on and dampened the sound, or we probably would gone deaf in the narrow space.  Unfortunately, it was a complete waste of ammo.  Any minor damage we did disappeared into the relentless flow of deadly, glowing fungoid filth.
"Oh hell," James muttered as we all lowered our guns and retreated back from the vestibule.  "This isn't going well."
Rango unplugged his fingers from his ears and peered at the approaching mass.  "No good!"
"It's my fault," I groaned.  "We should have swept the entire house before we came down here, or something.  I don't know."
Mia looked around the room.  "No need to assign blame.  If we'd gone looking, that mess might have gotten us anyway.  It could have been in the ceiling or the walls, just waiting to drop down and eat us alive."  She glanced at Cadance.  "Could you, I don't know, blast it with your Hasbro Princess magic or something?"
"I can try," Cadance said uncertainly.  "Stand back, everyone!"
"Not too far back," James called out.  "That shit is getting closer behind us too.  I can see it coming around the pillar.  Hurry up!"
"Okay, here goes."  Cadance leaned forward and grit her teeth, her horn glowing blindingly.  "Get back, filth!" she shouted, letting loose with a thundering blast of magical energy.
My ARHUD dimmed momentarily, protecting my eyes.  When I could see again, there was a smoking hole several feet wide going all the way up the stairs.
"That's what I'm talkin' about!"  Mia exclaimed.  "So much cooler than Disney!"
"Uh, let's not celebrate too soon," I said unhappily, watching more slime flood the stairs.  Within seconds, it had filled in from steps to ceiling again, leaving the hallway completely impassable.
"Ugh," Cadance groaned, putting a hoof on her forehead.  "That magic burn took a lot out of me.  How's it looking?"
"Not good," I said, a wave of fear washing over me as I watched the gooey mess slide toward us.  "What else can we try?"
"Whatever you do, it better be quick," James warned.  "We're running out of options."
"Go out into the basement," Mia suggested.  "We can't get out if we stay here.  Maybe we can find how the animals got in."
"Let's just hope it wasn't from the stairs," I muttered under my breath.
"Yeah, that wouldn't be good," she agreed.  "But I'd rather not die in this little room, getting steamrolled from both sides by that awful stuff."
"Agreed.  Do we have a path, James?"
"If we hug the right side and move fast, I think we can get around the goop.  It's all heading around the left."
"Out of time!" Rango exclaimed.  "Look!"  He pointed frantically.
The sludge had reached the foot of the stairs.
Not having any better ideas, I quickly put a magic barrier over the doorway, keeping it in place while the flow backed up behind it.  I could feel the pressure building on my forcefield.  Already it was sucking at my magic reserves.
"That won't hold long.  Let's go!" I urged.
"Follow me!"  James struck out into the room.
I waited until the others had gone, backing away from the door.
"Let's go, Eris!" Mia ordered, just behind me.
"Okay!  Go, go!" I shouted, dropping my barrier.  The ooze rushed forward, and we ran behind the others.  As we rounded the pillar, the basement sludge joined with the nasty mass from the stairs and the flow shifted, changing course to slowly pursue us.
"Ahhh!"  sighed the nasty green polyp things riding on top of the rotting mass.  "Ahhhh!"
With all the movement going on, the horrible reek of decay assailed us heavily, waves of nauseating, putrid vapor rolling over us.  I gagged, my mouth filling with vomit.  I spat it on the ground.  "Ugh."
Beside me, Cadance choked and heaved, putting her head to the side.  Somehow she managed to keep moving while puking her guts out, which impressed me.
"Look like we've bought ourselves a few minutes, at most," James grunted, leading us around the edge of the basement to avoid the huge mound of growth in the center, which was trying to move our way.  "Fucking reeks in here."
"Bleaurgh!" Mia added, bending over and throwing up with her rifle held against her knees.
"I have an idea!"  Rango exclaimed suddenly, diverting my attention from Mia's regurgitation.  "Look for furnace!"
"The furnace?"  Cadance asked, wiping puke from her own mouth.
"Yes.  There should be a fire ruby chute nearby.  If it's the old style, we should be able to climb out!"
"Fire-what?"
"Just look for a pile of glowing rocks!"
"Like that one?"  James pointed towards the dim reaches ahead of us.  Something in the depths gave off a ruddy luminescence.
"I think so.  Yes, that's the furnace pile.  Go quickly!"
Together we rushed across the floor, away from the expanding green glow behind us.
I looked back and saw it was still coming, then I slammed headfirst into Mia's butt, which had by this point become a common enough occurrence that it barely phased me or her, aside from almost knocking her over.  Obviously we had other things to worry about.
"Why the sudden stop?" I asked after we both caught our balance again.
"Look," she hissed.
I peeked around her legs.  "Oh," I said.
Skulking towards us were six very large, glowing dogs.  "Ahhh!" sighed the nasty fungi atop them.
"They're growling," Mia said, raising her weapon.
I could hear it now, my ears flicking nervously back and forth.  A low, phlegmy, wet rumble, a far cry from any growl I had heard before.  I sidled up alongside Mia, watching the horribly disfigured animals stalk toward us.  The glowing mounds of fungus pulsed nauseatingly on their backs, roots biting deep into the unhealthy flesh.  Their eyes burned with a vile green glow as well, the terrible fungoid growth consuming them inside and out.  I had a feeling that whatever these things were, there was very little dog left.
"I don't suppose this will work," James muttered.
"What?"
"Bad dog!  Go home!" he shouted.
The approaching canines hesitated momentarily, then began to slink forward again.  I was very aware of just how sharp their dripping fangs were.
"It was worth a try," James explained ruefully, aiming his rifle.  "Ammo wasting it is, then."
"They're trying to flank us," Cadance growled, drawing her pistol and levitating it in her magic.  "I've got the one in the middle."
"Fire together so they don't scatter," James instructed.  "On three.  One, two-"
I pulled the trigger on my targets, sending a rapid stream of bullets that easily felled the approaching beasts.  So did my companions. At the same time, there was a massive flashing blast from nearby, and one of the dogs fell headless.  Nothing remained in the air but a faint red mist.
"What the hay?" I asked.  I looked around with wide eyes, and almost immediately saw Rango holding his giant revolver, a thin ribbon of smoke trailing out of the cavernous muzzle.
"Damn, that thing is a fucking cannon," James marvelled.
Rango popped the cylinder, managed to expel the expended cartridge with a deft flick of his finger, and dropped another enormous shell into its place, clicking it back into the weapon with care.  "It has served me well over the years," he grinned.
"I would hope so."
"You look like Hellboy," Mia added.
"Who?" Rango asked, as perplexed as I was.
"Ahhhhhhh!"  the amorphous slop sneaking up behind us replied.
"Fuck, I forgot about that," I gasped, looking over my shoulder in terror.  "Oh crap, it's right behind us!"
"Incinerate!"  Cadance shouted, wheeling around.  An expanding semicircular wave of searing heat blasted forth from her horn, instantly blackening the closest edges of the flow.  It quickly lost potency as it expanded, however it bought us several seconds to figuratively pick up our skirts and run while the inexorable mess behind us flowed over the burned patches.  I could see Cadance was nearly done in from magic exhaustion, having already used two powerful spells within seconds of each other.
Thinking as quickly as I could manage as I pounded along, I decided to give something a try.  "Let's cool things down," I hissed under my breath.  I spun around and used a spell of my own.
"Icewall!"
My horn sucked heavily at me, demanding the power from my body.  I could feel the familiar weakness of magic depletion setting in even as the spell shot forth from me, leaving a shimmering layer of intensely cold fog hanging curtain-like between us and the mass.
It struck the edge of the glittering mist and attempted to flow through, but the extreme cold slowed it to a crawl.
"Oh, now you're an ice princess," Mia cooed at me.
"Why did you guys stop?  It won't last long! That cold dissipates quickly,"  I exclaimed.
"Because we're at the hole," Mia explained, waving her arm.
"Oh.  So we are," I replied, feeling like an idiot. 
The chute rose from a pile of oddly glowing red gemstones and went into the wall just above our heads.  It looked uncomfortably narrow, but with the horror bubbling behind us, I didn't care.
And my spell was already dissipating.
"Get up the slot!  We'll push you!" I ordered Cadance, her rank the farthest thing from my mind.
"But you guys-"
"Get UP there, NOW!" I shouted.  "Just do it!"
"Okay!  Okay!"  Deciding not to argue with me, she scrambled up the pile of gently glowing gems and folded her wings.
Mia and James got on either side, boosting her upwards.
"Ugh," her voice echoed down.  "This stupid thing opens inward..."  There came some sounds of scrabbling, then several thumps followed by a distant clang.  Cadance slid up the chute and disappeared.
"Send the next up!" she shouted down soon after.
"You."  I pointed at Mia.  "Go."
"You'd better be safe, Boss," Mia grumbled at me, shoving the butt of her rifle up the chute.  It disappeared rapidly, Cadance no doubt grabbing it from above.  She then placed her arms above her head and started pulling herself up.  James and Rango boosted her, and with some minor effort, her legs disappeared from sight up the metal slide.
"Now you," I ordered James.
"I will not leav-"
"Shut up and get the hell up there!"
James frowned at me, then put his own rifle up.  "See you on top," he growled, yanking himself up after it.  "You'd better be careful!"
"Your turn," I told Rango while James kicked out of sight.  "Climb up on my back."
"Come here, silly pony," he said, grabbing me forcibly in his huge, hairy arms.
"H-hey!  What are you doing?" I exclaimed, more surprised than angry.
"You think you can push me up there?  I step on you, I break your back.  I get you out first.  Getting me out will be harder, and my orders are protect you guys."  He put my face into the chute, then put both his hands on my butt, pushing me upwards.  "Grab her!"
Mia and James reached in and easily pulled me out by my forehooves, my small weight nothing to their exo-augmented strength.
"I think I may have a small problem," Rango called from below.
"What?"
All four of us clustered around the hole.
Rango looked up, his face pale.  "I'm too big.  I won't fit.  You had better run!"  His words were brave, but I could hear the fear in his voice, which made me admire his bravery even more.
He looked down.  "You have to leave me.  It-it's coming.  It's so close now!"
"I am NOT leaving you down there," Cadance snarled.  She looked exhausted.  "Step aside, all of you!"
"What?" called up Rango's from below.
"Are you clear of the hole?"
"Yes.  There's not much time.  It's nearly here!"
Cadance grit her teeth, and with a scream of both pain and determination she fired a blinding blast of energy from her horn.  It hit the rock foundations of the chute with a thud, the wild magic discharge tearing into the mortar and stone, shattering just enough to widen the hole.
Then she groaned and fell over sideways, landing with a painful thump on the flagstones.
"Rango!"  I shouted, tearing my eyes away from Cadance's still form.
"Help!" he shouted, reaching up towards us.  I could see the biomass directly behind him, the tendrils reaching out.  "I don't want to die like this!"
"Ughhhh!" I grunted, projecting a barrier against the creature while simultaneously straining my telekinesis to lift his massive body.  He was even heavier than I'd imagined, all those muscles and physique were not light. He had to weigh close to three hundred pounds, maybe more.  My head pounded as he slowly levitated from the ground, his eyes fixed on mine.  I could see the fear in them, and I didn't blame him. Nobody wants to die in such a horrible way as waited churning below him.  "G-grab him when he gets close," I choked out, my body starting to shake from the excruciating effort of both maintaining the barrier and lifting Rango.  Hurriedly, James and Mia took up places on either side of the hole, reaching down for his hands.
"Pull!"  James shouted in a moment, and I strained myself to the utmost, my vision going dark around the edges.  Vaguely, I heard his and Mia's exo suits straining to assist me.
"I'm out!  I'm out!"  Rango shouted elatedly soon after.  My head was pounding and I couldn't see except for a small circle directly in front of me.  Hearing we'd succeeded, I fell on my face, vomited heavily, and promptly blacked out.


***


I came to slowly, feeling my body swaying in a gentle, regular motion.  I opened my eyes and saw James's face inches from mine.
"Hey, Boss," he said, grinning.
I realized he was carrying me hurriedly away from the house in his arms, towards our truck.  Nearby, I saw Rango holding the still-groggy Cadance tucked in his own arms, moving beside us but taking quick glances over his shoulder.
"James, where is Mia?" I asked softly.
"Doing the honors," James answered.  He stopped and turned.  Behind us, Mia and Bessie were messing with a lit kerosene lantern.  Finally they dropped it down the chute, then ran towards us.
"I dumped a bunch of the fuel down there," Mia panted, more from the excitement of our close shave than from exhaustion.  Mia can run forever.  She wears out treadmills.  I kind of expected Bessie to be winded just from her size on the other hand, but she wasn't even breathing hard.
Mia pointed back.  "Think those stones will-"
There came a WHOOMPH sound from within, and suddenly fire was visible, shooting out through the chute.  Within seconds it was visible in the first floor windows as well.
"Fire rubies very powerful," Rango explained.  "That big pile will burn very hot.  Already go through floor.  Ceiling next."
Whatever the creature was, it seemed to burn quite readily as well.  An unearthly squeal echoed from within, rising above the crackling of the flames, and I envisioned every single one of those fungoid bulbs expanding and contracting in desperation, telling their host to-
One of the windows broke, and tendrils of fleshy ooze poked out, waving wildly as the fire danced atop them.  Above, from the attic window, a similar protrusion thrust forth, thrashing about in panic as the fire consumed it.
"Just in time," James observed.  "Who knows what it would have done next."
"Or how we would fight it if it had gotten out,"  I added.
"Too bad I didn't get a sample," Mia lamented.  "But I guess I'll take getting out in one piece.  This could have been a lot worse."
"Sorry about the house, Bessie," Rango said.
"'Tis a mercy," the large woman sighed.  "I'd nary have brought an interested customer here ever again.   Nobody would buy a house where such dreadful things have taken place, aye.  Not to mention the horror inside."  She shuddered.  "If someone had moved in, that thing...  Nay.  This be a mercy.  Let it burn to the ground."
"I, uh," Rango replied, looking distracted as he began slapping his pockets.  "Oh, no."  His face took on an expression of unimaginable chagrin.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Something terrible has happened!  I lost my phone in there!" 
I chuckled.  "Don't worry.  We'll fix you up."
"Thank you, ma'am."
"Don't mention it, sir."


***



When the fire department showed up, Rango ordered them to stand down, and simply to watch that no other houses in the area burned down as well.  Fortunately the large grounds of the mansion provided some buffer room, protecting the rest of the city from the intense funeral pyre that burned in the night.
In the courtyard we stood, staring up at the flames and at the thick, black smoke that rose into the sky as the monstrous, parasitic mass within roasted to death.  Nearby, the firemen busied themselves by putting out small blazes in the surrounding garden, making sure the whole town didn't burn down thanks to our activities.
"Back on the clock," James said after awhile, his face flickering in the orange light.
"I'm sorry.  I ruined our vacation.  Again," I lamented.
Mia bopped me on the head.  "It was my idea to come here, silly.  You just agreed."
"Maybe I should have said no."
"Maybe that's my fault," Cadance interjected.  "I promised I'd keep you safe, and for the second time, I've nearly botched that.  We could have died in there."
"But we didn't.  And by getting rid of that thing, maybe we saved other people from dying in a really bad way."  Mia pointed out over the property grounds, to where other houses were visible.  Many Silenians stood outside or at windows, gaping at the inferno.  Children pointed, and servants paused in their duties to watch the mansion burn.
"They're all safe because we came here."  She scratched me behind the ears.  "I think we did okay."
Cadance nodded.  "Perhaps."
"I think you're right," I agreed.  "But Director Stephens and Chief Lewis are going to kill me when we get back."
James rolled his eyes.  "Nobody is going to kill you.  Yell at you, perhaps, but have you looked in a mirror lately?  You're way too cute to kill."
I blushed.  "I, uh...  Thanks."


***


That night I lay awake for a while after the others were sleeping around me.  It was super late when we finally made it back and cleaned up for bed, but I couldn't stop my racing mind.  I thought I'd maybe have nightmares about the things I'd seen today, but instead, I kept seeing the image of myself standing in a restaurant door, reaching for Mia as she flew away from me into the night, wrapped in tentacles.
I sniffled a little, blinking back tears.  It might seem odd that I'd be so sad nestled right up against Mia, but even though everything had turned out okay, that image still haunted me, the damage done to my soul as I felt everything torn away in an instant still ached like a bruised bone.
"Eris?  Are you okay baby?"  Mia asked me sleepily.
"Yes, I'm just thinking about things."
She kissed me gently on my forehead.  "I'm always here for you, dear."
"Thank you.  I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too."
> Chapter 41:  Cracklepanty
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This thing is great!" Rango exclaimed, toying with his new ARHUD and holoband.  "It's like, wow!  Things are really in front of me!"  He wildly waved his massive hands about, touching virtual controls I couldn't see.  "But they're not."
"We have some spares in case something goes wrong with one of ours.  Since we're going to be working together, you need to have similar equipment, just in case something like last night happens again," James stated, then hesitated.  "Let's hope it doesn't,  though."
I was only half-listening.  Some vaguely-remembered, phantasmic dream from the night before was bothering me.  I couldn't quite clarify why I'd awoken early in the morning in a cold sweat, but-
"Eris?"
"Huh?"
Mia peered at me.  "Are you okay?"
"I think so, why?"
"I've been trying to get your attention for like ten seconds now.  You just kept staring off into space, your eyes all blank."
"S-sorry, I must be tired.  I didn't sleep as well as usual last night."
Mia narrowed her eyes in concern.  "What's wrong?"
"Probably nothing.  I think I had a bad dream, is all. I'd tell you more, but I can't seem to remember it."
"I see.  I mean, it's not surprising that you'd have some weird dreams, considering all the stuff that's happened in the past few days."
"Yeah."  I rubbed a hoof over my face.  "So much for relaxation, eh?"
"I grab it where I can find it."  Mia kicked back in her chair, tossing a grape in the air and trying to catch it in her mouth.  It landed directly on her nose and bounced wildly under the table.
"Shit."
"Stop playing with your food," I chided.  "And get your feet off the table.  Commander Shadow is right over there!"
"She doesn't care," Mia insisted insubordinately.  "Do you care, Tempest darling?"
"What?"  The hornless unicorn gazed at us from over the box of communications equipment James was explaining to her.
"Do you care if I put my feet on the table?"
Tempest's eyes narrowed.  "After what you guys did yesterday?  I don't care if you dance on it.  We're in your debt.  From what Rango tells me, that thing would have been a nightmare to stop without your help."
"I just might dance on it.  Well.  There you have it, Boss."
"Get your feet off the table anyway, you ill-mannered sloth," I demanded, my tone lacking harshness.  "That's just rude."
Mia rolled her eyes and took her feet off the table, sitting up next to me and sneakily placing her hand on my thigh.
"Uh, what-"
She prodded me gently between the legs with her finger.  "Happy now?"
"S-stop it, you," I gasped.  "We're in public!"
"You like it."
"I love it!"  Rango bellowed suddenly, making us both jump.  He swatted wildly at something invisible in the air.  "Wow!  Looks real!"
"I put some extra stuff in there for you," Mia told him.  "Check out 'Anime Girls Dancing.' "
"Okay."  Several seconds passed while Rango frowned into space, sweeping a finger around at intervals.  "Ah.  I found it."  He scowled deeply.  "Oh.  Ah!  What is this?"
"Do you approve?"
"This...  This is amazing!"  His face lit up until it practically glowed.  "Such art!  Such beautiful girls!  And this music!  What is this music?"
"It's called 'J-Pop,' " Mia informed him. "Do you like it?"
"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard!  I want to hear more, see more like this!"
"I'll hook you up with some more anime," Mia told him.  "I know some good ones I think you'll like.  I'll transfer them to your ARHUD later on."
"Oh great, another weeb in the making," James called over.  "How the mighty have fallen.  Shame on you, Miss Carson."
Mia stuck her tongue out at him.  "You watch your mouth, mister."  She wedged her finger deeper into my crotch.
I sighed.  "Not.  Right.  Now."  I gently picked up Mia's hand and placed it in her own lap, giving her thigh a little squeeze with my hoof.  "But definitely later," I added softly.  "Oh, and since when is Commander Shadow 'Tempest darling?' "
"Since she thanked us for stopping that monster and said she didn't mind if I call her that," Mia replied.  "Are you sure you're okay?  You've been sitting here the whole time and you don't remember anything."
I shook my head.  "I'll be fine.  I'm just distracted."
Mia stared at me suspiciously, but she nodded.  "Okay.  But if you feel sick or something, let me know right away."
"I will.  Promise."
"You wouldn't keep something weird a secret from me, would you?"
I shook my head.  "No.  Especially not these days.  One never knows if something might be reaching out from the other side, or wherever it is these things come from."
"A dream, a whisper, a passing sensation," Mia said, somewhat oddly.  "Just let me know if anything strange happens.  I think you're more sensitive than the rest of us, at least the human ones.  Because of your magic, you know."
"You're probably right.  Don't worry though.  I suck at keeping secrets."  I turned my head back towards James as Cadance, watching them from a chair across from Grubber near the end of the table, spoke up.
"I'd like to check on my ship and crew this morning, if possible," she said, her eyes moving towards Rango.
"Wha-?  Oh, yes, of course," he replied, making a quick sweeping gesture with his hand to clear the ARHUD and then looking at her.  "Repairs are making excellent progress.  I would be honored to take you to the hangar."
"Let's leave once James finishes up," Cadance suggested.
"Almost done," James announced, handing another object he'd been discussing to Tempest, who looked at it curiously, then tucked it away somewhere in her clothing, just like she had with several others.  "A few more minutes, tops.  She's a hell of a quick learner."
Tempest beamed at James through her own ARHUD, pleased with the compliment.  I looked at Mia, who looked back at me.
"I think he likes her," I whispered.
"Should we be jealous?" Mia asked, furrowing her brow in mock concern before breaking into a grin.
We both burst out laughing, drawing  quizzical looks from Cadance and Grubber.


***


Nestled amongst other great berthed airships, the Pride of Equestria loomed far above us when we entered the huge docking hangar, a scaffold partially encasing the front of her gas envelope while workers moved about the distant structure.  It was too high for me to see what they were doing, but the sound of hammering easily reached my pricked ears, even with the other industrial noises echoing in the gigantic place.
Since we considered the hangar and city to be safe for the most part with their heavy military and law enforcement presence, Mia and James, standing beside me, were wearing just their ProteC uniforms and firearms, having left the exo suits in our room back at the castle.
Just in front of us, Cadance conferred with a Silenian wearing coveralls and a tool belt while Rango stood nearby, watching silently.
"Repairs are proceeding at a steady pace, ma'am," the airship mechanic team lead informed her respectfully.  "I expect she'll be as good as new in a day or two, once the resin sets."
"Excellent.  My thanks," Cadance said, smiling broadly.
"The pleasure is entirely ours, ma'am," the mechanic replied, looking pleased.  "It's not often we get to work on an Equestrian vessel.  The integration of magical artifacts into the ship's systems is quite fascinating.  Challenging, at times, but with a little help from your crew, things are going very well."
"Thank you again, good sir.  I must check on the crew now," Cadance said, waving a hoof.  Her eyes got a little big when the mechanic suddenly seized her limb and kissed it.
"If-if ever you require our assistance, please feel most welcome," he finished hurriedly, then released her hoof, bowing gently and moving aside to return to work.  I could see he was blushing as he headed back towards the ladders.
Cadance watched him go bemusedly.
"Looks like you have another fan," James observed, grinning.  "At least he has good taste in women."
Now Cadance blushed a little, shaking her head at his comment.  "I'll have you know I am merely an average-looking mare."
James rolled his eyes.  "Nothing about you is average and you know it."


***


"Almost everypony is downtown, except for a few on security detail," Captain Starchaser explained to Cadance in the conference room once we'd made it onto the vessel.  "Most of the repair work is done, and there isn't much reason to make the crewponies stay on the ship right now.  The Silenians have been quite friendly, and I can easily find my crew at the nearby taverns."  He rubbed his muzzle.  "I do believe a few of the local ladies have taken a fancy after Equestrian stallions, as well," he added with a shrug.  "I don't want to interfere with, er, international relations, if they're having a good time."  He paused.  "Maybe I've said too much."
"Not at all.  It's most understandable," Cadance replied.  "I trust your judgement, Captain.  As long as there is no trouble, then it's fine."
"Thank you, ma'am," he replied.  "Everything goes according to schedule.  A day or two longer, and she'll be airworthy again."
"Great.  And see that you take some time to enjoy yourself, as well.  Just remember to be careful.  I assume downtown in this city is about as safe as one can be, but there are still seemingly random monster incursions throughout the country.  Be mindful of that."
"Understood.  I've told the crew not to drink too much, in case we need to launch in short notice.  For the most part they've been responsible."
"Very good then.  It seems things are well under control here.  If you should require anything, let me know," Cadance offered.
"Thank you, ma'am."  Captain Starchaser bowed, then we turned and followed Cadance back out into the ship.


***


"So, it's difficult for ProteC to keep the growing number of teams outfitted with unicorn bullets," James was telling Cadance as we walked down the gangplank from our airship and followed Rango across the hangar floor.
"Not all unicorns are good at imbuing the crystals with the penetration spell," Cadance replied.  "Still, it seems like this unwanted war is here to stay.  We're going to have to find an alternative to crystal-tipped rounds soon, or I don't think we'll be able to keep up with the demand."
"There are some new weapon types I've heard about in prototype stage," James said thoughtfully.  "They're working to make beam cannon technology more portable, or so I've heard."
"Hmm.  Beam energy weapons allowed for us to use a single focusing crystal per weapon, and not have to constantly imbue bullet crystals, or so I remember from the reports I read.  Such a thing would be greatly helpful if it was the standard."
"Yes, but I've only heard rumors.  I certainly don't have any way to look up details out here.  We're totally disconnected from the network, after all."
Mia and I were walking together just behind the other two, and I paused to look back up at the huge ship while Cadance and James, deep in conversation, continued to drift away.
Mia stopped beside me.  "Elegant, isn't it?"
I nodded.  "And this hangar is so huge to accommodate these vessels."  I waved my hoof at the walkways and other airships moored throughout the staggeringly massive facility.  "It's truly amazing."
"Hey, girls," a gruff voice called from behind me.
I turned quickly and saw two of the Silenian mechanics approaching us with expectant smirks on their faces.
"We found this jammed in a corner of the engine housing,"  one of them said insolently, holding up an object that made my heart skip a beat.
"No," I gasped under my breath, feeling the blood drain from my face. "Oh please, no."
In the fellow's grubby fist, suspended threateningly above me, hung the horrifyingly filthy lace panties I'd flung over the side of the gas envelope after being coated in monster sperm during the unfortunate jumbo-sized tug job I'd had to give on the trip over the ocean.
"Guess someone was having a wild time on one of the balconies or something.  I wonder who they belong to, eh?"  he elbowed the other, and both chuckled suggestively, eyeing us up and down rudely.  "Couldn't be one of you fine ladies, could it?  Not like there were a whole lot of other females on that ship.  How about you, Miss Sexy Unicorn?  Perhaps these might belong to you?"
I felt my ears and face burning at their gleeful prodding.  Physics and nature had just conspired against me, bringing this object back from nowhere for the sole purpose of embarrassing me.  	"N-never seen them before,"  I stammered, my cheeks aflame.
"What's the matter?" the big guy chuckled down at me.  "Don't you want your dirty little pony-panties back?"  They both snickered.
I gave Mia a pleading look.  Please don't throw me under the bus.  Help me?  I begged silently.
Mia caught my eye and grinned evilly back at me, a smirk of such utter mischievousness that I almost fainted on the spot.  Oh no, here it comes, I thought, shrinking in on myself and preparing to die of abject humiliation.  She's gonna tell them what happened, and they're all gonna make fun of me and laugh until I-
"Oh!  My panties!  Maybe I lost them when I was doing my open-air balcony strip tease," Mia squealed happily, giving me a quick wink.
I dared to breath again.
She reached out and plucked my filthily cum-soaked, air-dried, crispy, flaky lingerie away from the surprised Silenian, who just stared at her without moving.  She then balled up the cardboard-like material without even a grimace.  Nasty crumbs of dried monster jizz fell through her fingers, and I heard it crunching as she shoved it roughly into the pocket of her cargo pants.  I shuddered with disgust at the memory of how those panties got so nasty, the bile rising in my throat along with the unbidden image of the giant, misshapen alien penis blasting me in the face.  I really, really owe her one,  I thought as I carefully gulped, trying to keep the acrid puke down.
The mechanics just stared at her curiously, no doubt imagining what she might look like wearing nothing but those panties, and evidently intrigued by the thought.
For her part, Mia didn't flinch or blush.  "Thanks, guys," she twittered cheerfully, reaching up and patting one of them on his massive, leathery cheek.  "You're both my handsome panty heroes."
"Y-you're, uh, welcome, ma,am," he replied haltingly, suddenly looking very confused and blushing profusely.  His partner glared at him in evident jealousy, until Mia patted his face too, whereupon he blushed as well.
"Well, I suppose we shouldn't hold you two fine gentlemen here any longer, I'm sure you have very important work to do," she added sweetly with a girlish giggle, pushing her hips to the side, resting her hand on them, and tilting her head adorably.
"Y-yeah.  Yeah.  T-that's right miss, er, ma'am.  V-very important things to, uh, repair, and such.  Twas a pleasure to-to be of assistance."  Obviously trying not to stare and failing miserably, they shambled off, stealing glances back while talking and shrugging at each other.  It was clear they had no idea what had just happened.
Neither did I.  "Baby, thank you," I told Mia earnestly as they left.  "Thank you for not hanging me out to dry.  Those two were going to have a good laugh at me, I could tell, and you somehow turned things around.  I owe you one."
"I like to tease you in a fun way, not hurt your feelings," Mia said, reaching down and scratching behind my ears.  "No way I could toss you under the bus after that frightened puppy look you gave me. I don't mind.  I'll be the dirty scapeslut and save your good reputation, dear.  What are friends for?"  She cocked her head at me thoughtfully.  "Although, if you really feel you owe me, which you don't because I'd do anything for you, I'll collect in the usual way."
I chuckled to cover a sudden lump in my throat, blinking back tears.  For some bizarre reason her silly little speech had hit an emotional chord, something that resonated inside me as we stood together, two creatures from different worlds, both far from home, yet always home as long as we had each other and our boyfriend.  "T-that sounds most agreeable," I managed to choke out after a moment.
"Are you okay?" Mia asked, suddenly concerned.
"It's nothing.  Just a bit dusty in here," I smiled blurrily.
"Oh, Okay, then."  Mia looked suspicious, easily seeing right through my feeble attempt at hiding my emotions.
"Also I really love being around you," I blurted out abruptly.  "You make me so happy.  Thank you!"
"Aw, baby.  Me too."  She bent down and hugged me.
"You guys coming?" James called back to us.
"Yeah.  Be right there," I answered, still hugging Mia.


***


"Well, this day is definitely better than yesterday," James remarked cheerfully from the driver's seat of the SUV.  "Driving down the road, backseat full of my favorite girls-"
"I love anime girls!" Rango interrupted him, once again using his ARHUD for non-business purposes while he rode in the passenger seat.
I rolled my eyes.  "Now you've done it, Mia.  Captain Rango is never going to be the same again."
"What?" she protested.  "I've merely broadened his horizons."
"You've broadened something, alright."  I tapped my jaw.  "That reminds me.  I meant to ask him about those fire ruby things you detonated in the basement yesterday."
Rango turned his head to look at me.  "I'm listening, I hear you.  Fire rubies are the fuel source for many things.  They burn hot, no smoke, perfect for steam power."
"Fascinating," James interjected.  "I feel like there's some unique weapon potential to such a thing- Ah, hang on, here's the castle."
Just as James steered onto the castle grounds, Cadance froze in her seat.  "Hello?" she said, talking into space through her ARHUD.  "Oh, hi.  What?  Oh dear, that's not good.  Yes, I shall come directly."  She turned to the rest of us.  "Commander Sha- ah, Tempest just called me.  She said she just received word of a town going dark last night.  She's preparing to leave now with an army contingent, and has asked us if we'd like to go along."  Cadance hesitated.  "It might be dangerous.  I can back out if you don't want-"
"Give us five minutes to grab our exos?" James said, glancing briefly back at me in the rearview mirror for approval.
"Of course we're all going," I agreed.  "Like that's even a question."  I glanced up at the sun overhead, which had already tipped past noon.  "And grab some water and rations too," I added, remembering how late dinner had been the previous evening.  "I have a feeling this might be a long day."