> Atonement > by Naryyn > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Confessions > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Princess Celestia, I have done something unforgivable. I hope I can atone for my sins as I kneel before your grace in your beautiful cathedral and beg for your forgiveness or, at the very least, your mercy. Last night I took another pony’s life. I can not say it wasn’t out of hatred or anger, for it was. Not of the pony they were, but because of what that pony was to me. I didn’t see the pony they actually were, but a disgusting insect thing that wanted to feed on me. Around the time I earned my cutiemark I started to see visions. Not visions of the future or anything, but of unimaginable horrors. They crept along at the edges of my sight, never coming close. Well at least not for the first few years. A couple moons ago, one of them approached me. It was a grotesque rat-like creature, its bottom teeth jutted out of its snout and it had several eyes in random places along its body. When it lunged at me I panicked and fled into a nearby alleyway. It followed me, screeching in a horrifying way that made my bladder let go. As a last ditch effort when it got too close to me, I turned and bucked. I heard its neck snap and a short gurgle from its throat as it died. I don't know exactly what the rat thing actually was in the real world, but knowing what I do know I guess it could have been another pony. Just another thing that can be added to my scale. That may have been the first horror I ever killed, but it surely wasn’t the last. After last night my total stands at seventeen. I never hunted them, no, I only protected myself when they came after me. I also found a way to make the visions lessen for awhile. I drank. A lot. Towards the end I was almost always drunk. I hate that feeling but I hated the horrors more. Especially the dog. The dog was the worst and though you may not forgive this, I wanted it dead. Even now, I believe in the deepest depths of my heart that the dog was pure and unadulterated evil. I first started seeing the dog shortly after I started drinking. It crept like the others for a while, but it acted differently. Occasionally it would dart towards me then back off, like it was testing me. When I finally saw it fully, Oh Celestia! I screamed in absolute terror and dread like I’ve never felt before. Its fur was as black as the spaces between the stars. Its eyes burned with a fury so deep they could make even Tartarus tremble. The mouth hung open, with fangs that dripped black ichor that melted the ground it splashed on. Its tongue was so long it dragged on the earth, pulling it open as it did. The paws sank as they landed, as though the the ground itself was trying to cringe away from them. It approached me several times but never got close enough for me to try and kill it. Until, that is, it tried to kill me while I slept in the woods. I still don’t know what woke me up that night, but I would be dead now if I didn’t. I’m sure of that. When I awoke I saw it crouched right next to me, staring with those awful eyes. As it pounced I was barely able to roll out of the way and kick at it. My hoof connected with its jaw, dislocating it, but one of its fangs tore into my leg and I screamed. It came at me still, but I couldn’t run not with my leg injured as it was. It began swiping its paws at me trying to cripple me further. With much pain, I was able to roll under a swipe and push myself up onto its back. Gripping with my hind legs, to keep me in place, I hugged it. With my fore legs locked under its jaw, I pulled backwards. Screaming from both the adrenaline and the still blinding agony from my hurt leg. I could feel it start to fight back; ichor dripping onto my flesh, burning it in several small spots. I felt its neck reach its limit and I used the last of my strength to yank the head past that point and snap the bone. I slid off its back as it collapsed, dead, to the ground. I crawled as far away from that thing as I could and cried in relief and pain. I never went back to look for it. I just bandaged myself up and moved on with my life. Now, several horrors later, we come to last night. I’m not sure if you could call it my breaking point, I think that happened just before the visions started. No, I think last night was my mending point. My visions are gone now and I know what I truly killed. Not a horror, but an innocent pony. A pony who never did anything to hurt anypony, but instead tried to help a stallion who was huddled in an alley, weeping. I see now why they approached me. They must have thought I was hurt and only wanted to help. I was crying because I had sobered up enough for the horrors to return, but they had come back stronger than ever. There were hundreds of them around me so I bolted into an alley that was devoid of them. As I cried I heard a sort of chittering noise coming from the street. When I looked up I saw the insect horror coming towards me. I whimpered as it approached and the chittering got louder with each step. This thing was like the offspring of a changeling and a bugbear. With limbs that looked as though they had been sent through a laundry mangle. I didn’t look for a stinger, I just knew it was there. It was maybe ten feet from me when I decided to strike first. I rushed forward, slamming it to the ground. That’s when the stinger hit me. My fore legs went limp and the insect thing got up and rolled me over. Its chittering got louder as it bent forward, mandibles opening to take a bite. When they pressed against my cheek I reacted in turn closing my eyes and biting as hard as I could into its neck. I could feel it jerk back in pain and when it did, its throat stayed in my mouth. Hot blood splashed on my muzzle and I heard a gurgling not unlike the sound the rat thing made as it died. This though had a very big difference. What sounded like attempts at speaking. My legs came back to life and I finally opened my eyes. Lying front of me was not the insect horror I fought, but a young mare. She lay in a pool of her own blood, looking at me with eyes so sad that my heart broke just looking at them. She kept trying to speak even though she was on the verge of death. I stood there frozen in place and watched her die. When she did, the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard rang out in my head and told me that I could have peace now. I can’t though, not yet. I may be free of the visions now, but I’m not free of my sins. That mare gave her life to save mine, for I am sure it was her loving kiss that cleared the visions. She loved a complete stranger and I killed her. I killed her and I fled. Please, Celestia, forgive me for what I have done. I deserve none of it, but now that you know my sins I think I can at least die in peace. *** Dear Celestia, A strange thing happened today. As I was meeting with the elements, a stallion none of us have ever seen walked into the castle. He didn’t seem to see or he us, he just fell to his knees near our chairs and started to pray. He believed he was in some great cathedral and that you could hear his prayers. His muzzle was coated in dried blood and his story was quite terrifying. He confessed to the murder that occurred in Canterlot last night and I’m pretty sure he is also responsible for sixteen others spanning over several years. I also believe he is suffering from a severe form of psychosis that made him see monsters instead of ponies. I don’t think everypony he saw was a monster to him, but most of them were. He must have hid away from cities and towns so he didn’t have to see the monsters. It must be why no one had caught him before now, because no one really knew he existed. Anyways, I have enclosed a transcript of his prayers and would like your guidance on what to do. He tried to kill himself when he was done praying. I put a sleep spell on him and locked him in the dungeon. I think you should come and see him, you might be the only pony he can see now. He thinks he has been cured but if he didn’t see or hear us it must have progressed. I await your response on this matter. Love, Twilight P.S. He has scars all over his body and some of them match the injuries he described.