Best Laid Plans
A window shattered, and royal purple drapes burst forward as black, hole-filled legs escaped into the bright sun, bringing with them the once proud and feared changeling queen. At the moment, however, it seems all the fear is in position of Chrysalis herself, as well as an ebony saddle that was strapped to her back.
Sure, things had started off well enough. In fact, the plan had gone perfectly… Maybe too perfectly. However, it was clear to Chrysalis now that whatever was going on was well out of her hooves. She needed time to think, time to recount how it had gone all so… so…
...weird.
>~-oooo-~<
A crystal pony’s armor clinked and clanked against a crystalline floor as it trotted down a large and lonely hallway. An otherwise unremarkable event within the walls of the Crystal Castle were it not for the hints of a smug expression on the guardspony’s face. Taking a moment to look behind him, the guard’s smile grew as he shook its head. Too easy…
With a burning jade fire that started at the pony’s head and ended at its hooves, Queen Chrysalis appeared. Smiling to herself, she stretched her neck, wings, and each limb. With a rolling of her neck and jade flame from her horn, she disguised herself once more. This time, in a more familiar form. A form she had spent many weeks as some time ago.
Like slipping on a well-worn glove, Queen Chrysalis assumed the form of Princess Cadance.
Chrysalis quickly replayed the last few days in her head. Ever since her defeat at the hooves of that insufferable pony Starlight Glimmer, the guarding of the Crystal Empire had been quite lax. Not that infiltration was usually all that difficult for her, but on the heels of her defeat, the Empire’s security seemed especially careless. Getting around the castle, even to what should have been sensitive areas, was extremely easy.
Granted, there had been some minor setbacks. Kidnapping Cadance and Shining’s baby was not an option as both parents seemed to have an extraordinarily hard time leaving the brat out of their sight. On the odd occasion where both parents were absent, that know-it-all, glorified babysitter unicorn would keep an eye on the foal with a couple of guards ‘just in case’. Attempts to even approach the Crystal Heart had proven troublesome as feeding on even a little bit of it was like trying to devour several gallons worth of chili all at once. Now, even approaching the cursed bauble made Chrysalis’s stomach churn.
There were also a few traitorous delegates from her hive at the castle. She had done her best to avoid them, though she had to admit there was one close call where she thought she might have been discovered. A previously handsome, now hideous, drone of hers had gazed upon her too long for comfort before she could discreetly move on. Though days later, nothing had seemed to come of it.
No matter. Chrysalis still had plans, or at least one plan. She felt her grin began to melt across her face like delicious decadent whipped cream over hotcakes. There was once a time she had siphoned enough love to stand horn-to-horn with the mightiest pony in all of Equestria. With that kind of power in hoof, she should have more than enough strength to overcome another target of her vengeance, one Twilight Sparkle. That done, she could slip in as Starlight’s mentor and slowly drive the mare insane. All she needed was that power again, and as luck would have it, this well of love energy was going to be alone for the day… or so he thought. With Cadance off on some diplomatic proceeding it would be a simple matter to make up some excuse, get Shining Armor alone, and hehe ‘prime the pump’ as they say.
Chrysalis in her Cadance form turned a hallway. Oh, won’t Prince Shining Armor be surprised when he sees—
“Cadance! You’re still here!” Shining Armor called out in a happy tone. “What a pleasant surprise!”
Chrysalis fought the urge to jump. It wasn’t terribly surprising to come across Shining out and about. Chrysalis turned down the cross hall behind her. “Hello, Shining, my love! It turns out my—”
Shining Grinned widely, “So your diplomatic trip to Saddle Arabia got canceled, huh?”
“Uh… Right!” Only momentarily bumped, Chrysalis put back on her smile. “Oh, how clever you are!” Or dumber than a pile of rocks. “Since my schedule has cleared I thought we could—”
“Hey! I have an idea!” Shining interrupted. “Since you're free, we should spend some quality time together!” Shining winked. “You know, just the two of us!”
“… I was just going to say that!” ‘Cadance’ said with a grin. She batted her eyelashes. “Perhaps we should retire to our—”
Shining grinned widely, turned, and practically galloped off. “Meet you at the bedroom!”
“—bed… chamber…” Chrysalis could feel her lips purse as she followed Shining. This was going exactly to plan. Better than exactly even… Was Shining really that desperate for some time alone with his wife? Well, they have been spending quite a bit of time around their child… Oh, that reminds me if only to keep appearances. Chrysalis caught up to Shining who was waiting giddily by an ostentatious set of massive, crystal doors which led to his and his wife’s bed chambers. “So, the baby is taken care of then?” Chrysalis added a sweet smile. “Right?”
Shining chuckled. “Of course, Cadance. You should know Sunburst is watching the baby tonight.”
“Of course, how could I forget?” Chrysalis responded as Shining’s horn glowed plum and he opened one of the doors, allowing Chrysalis to trot inside. She felt a tug downwards on her lips as she considered Shining’s last statement. Shouldn’t he have simply asked if she remembered about Sunburst, or at least said his sentence without that bizarre insertion of the word ‘should’. Chrysalis felt her already chilled blood drop another degree or two… Was she the one being played here?
The door quietly shut behind Shining and the room suddenly went uncomfortably dim. The only light illuminating the room sneaked its way in through a few pairs of drawn curtains.
Trying her best not to break her composure, she turned towards Shining. “You know… On second thought, how about a nice, relaxing walk outside?”
Shining seemed to ponder this for a moment. “Well… I suppose we could check on the Crystal Heart.”
“To literally any place but there!” Okay… Not my smoothest attempt to sidestep a problem, but Shining Armor IS a complete moron, so…
There was a slight tug on Shining Armor’s lips. A tug trying to pull them upwards.
Oh… Oh no! He DOES know, and he’s blocking my way!
Suddenly there was a sound from behind Chrysalis and she glanced behind her. A trap! I must es—
“Oh Shining, dear! How could you?!” a jilted mare’s voice called out.
Maybe not a trap!
Shining Armor gasped so heavily that Chrysalis was surprised he didn’t say the word ‘gasp!’ “Two Cadances?! How can this be?!” he said in an altogether not-very-convincing tone.
…Probably a trap!
“Shining, I’m hurt!” the ‘new’ Cadance announced as she trotted up next to her mirrored self. “Can’t you tell the difference between your wife and this, admittedly sexy, fake?”
“What?! I’m the real Cadance!” Chrysalis blurted out without a second thought. Wait… Why was Cadance lying in wait in the bedchambers?! The bedchambers Shining was so eager to… At that point Chrysalis took note of Shining’s expression. Shining looked back and forth between the two Cadances as if he was having difficulty telling them apart.
“Oh, woe is me!”
‘Woe is me’? Seriously?
“I just can’t tell you apart!” Shining declared as he dramatically rose a foreleg to his forehead.
The formerly hidden Cadance took a step forward. “Well, there’s only one way to prove who the real Cadance is.”
Oh, good! The old ‘ask us something only the real me would know’! I’m QUEEN at this game…
Cadance continued, “You must make love to us both!”
“YES!” Chrysalis exclaimed. “Wait, what?”
“Only then will you know who the real me is!” Chrysalis watched as a devious smile spread across Cadance’s face. “Of course, that could still take hours.”
Uhhh… What just… No… This has to stop. I don’t know what game these two are playing, but if they’re not going to play mine I HAVE to abort before it’s too late! Chrysalis pointed at Cadance. “She’s the real Cadance,” she announced without ceremony. “I’m a fake.”
Much to her surprise, Shining Armor and Cadance let out sighs of disappointment rather than sighs of relief.
There was an awkward beat of silence in the bedchamber, but only the one. Cadance seemed to recover from the ‘shocking revelation’ quite quickly as that smile that somehow made Chrysalis’s skin crawl returned. “Well, I’m afraid I can’t just let this go unpunished!”
Right… Escape… If not through the door, then perhaps one of those windows would—
“Oh, nooooo!” Shining Armor cried dramatically. “Show mercy, my love!”
… I have no idea what’s going on right now.
“Mercy?” Cadance purred. Her smile only grew as she walked over towards a large armoire and opened it. “There is no mercy.”
Chrysalis gasped. For a moment, she thought Cadance had unveiled some sort of massive torture tool chest, but amongst the whips and bonds were outfits with less material than that of a parade sash, black riding saddles, and several tools. Tools that were clearly meant to be inserted into… places.
Dread seemingly doing battle with an eager grin on his face, Shining took a few steps towards Chrysalis. He leaned his muzzle close to one of her ears and whispered, “The safeword is ‘strawberry’.”
Chrysalis felt a terrified shiver run through her. She turned towards Cadance who was busy retrieving two black saddles all while humming to herself.
Chrysalis felt herself go rigid. Was this really happening?! Was Cadance really giddily strapping a saddle to her husband while darkly teetering to herself? Was Chrysalis really just letting the same happen to her? Chrysalis watched, practically unable to even think as Cadance turned back to her massive ‘toy chest’ and grabbed a whip, some leather straps, and… are those ball gags?!
Chrysalis slowly tried to reel in her ability to think. She needed to gain some control of the situation… Or did she? Okay, yes, this was clearly going someplace wild and strange, but it was apparent that Shining was enjoying himself. It’s not like Chrysalis herself was a stranger to, well, what some might call strange bedroom antics, and—
Sweet damned nightmare of the moon! That strapped appendage is longer AND wider than my back legs and has two protrusions!
Shining merely looked over the apparatus and laughed. “Do you think it’ll even fit?”
An uncharacteristically demonic smile suddenly flashed across Cadance’s face. “Oh don’t worry… I have my ways.”
Chrysalis clamped down on her teeth. “Strawberry! Strawberry!” she shouted. Better say it now while she had the chance.
Shining Armor and Cadance once again let out sighs of disappointment.
“Already?” Cadance said. “But we haven’t even done anything!” she whined.
Shining Armor also wore dissatisfaction on his face, but it soon gave way to that same smile Chrysalis had learned to dread from Cadance as he trotted up to Chrysalis. “You know… Maybe if we started a little slower…”
Cadance giggled with anticipation and trotted up to flank Chrysalis on the opposite side of her husband. “Oh, yeah…” she purred. “Slow can be nice,” she said in a near whisper.
Chrysalis swallowed as she felt not one, not two, but three rigid cylindrical shaped items tap against her back legs . Window… Definitely window. With a blaze of jade fire, Chrysalis assumed her normal form and dove forehooves first into the closed curtains where the shattering sound of glass was her reward.
Shining sighed. “Well… It was a nice idea, darling… Maybe some other time.”
Cadance chuckled. “She’ll come around. Because we have ever so much love to give with only the two of us to share it with!”
Shining Armor let out a guffaw. “Alright, give me some sugar, baby.”
>-~ooooo~-<
Her body pressed against the castle and right under the window she had just crashed through, Chrysalis paused and thought as the sound of the amorous married couple clearly getting their smooches on drifted out through the now-broken window. Certainly, Shining Armor and Cadance had caught on that she was lurking about the castle, but rather than imprison her, they attempted seduction… Perhaps this was a less saccharine version of what that horrible pony Starlight was offering before? It certainly was true that Cadance and Shining Armor had excess love to spare… Perhaps it would not be so unpleasant. Was it so farfetched that she might even enjo—
‘Knock! Knock!’
Chrysalis paused as she heard a door inside the room open, the familiar click of guard’s armor and a stallion’s voice. “Erm… Here’s the… uh… jug of lubricant you asked for, your majesties,” he said in an embarrassed voice. “And the… uh… ‘largest’ basters from the kitchen.”
“Why thank you,” Cadance’s voice purred out. “We’ll make good use of them.”
Chrysalis suddenly pushed off from the wall and began flying as fast as she could away from the Crystal Castle.
Nope!
She needed to put some distance between herself and… whatever all THAT was!
Nope! Nope! Nope!
What’s more, is she needed a place to hide… And not just any place. A place nopony would think to find her…
Chrysalis kept herself spread out and low to the ground. Accommodations were cramped… In fact, there was constant pressure on her horn as it pressed into the ‘ceiling’ above her. At least here, she was safe. Safe from… uh… Well, safewords.
Chrysalis tensed as light suddenly entered the room and the trotting of hooves sounded out. She kept herself perfectly still as she watched purple hooves get closer and closer… No. She was undetectable. There was no way…
With a soft ‘pomf’ from above, Chrysalis could feel something suddenly press against her horn as the pressure sent her chin towards the hard ground with a ‘crack!’
“OW!” a mare’s voice called out.
Before Chrysalis could regain her bearings, she was bathed an electric blue glow and staring into the confused, angry eyes of one Starlight Glimmer.
Quick! Think of something, fast! “… Uh… FOOL! You thought you saw the last of me!” Chrysalis said dramatically.
“… You literally swore vengeance on me the last time we met,” Starlight reminded.
Whoops. Too fast. “Er… YES! Horrible, terrible vengeance that begins now! For you see Starlight Glimmer, my multifaceted plan has only just begun! Step one is that I now live under your bed! Muhahahahahaha!”
Starlight shot Chrysalis a scrutinizing look. “… What’s step two?”
“Erm… it is a PLAN in progress!”
“Uh, huh…” Starlight replied, clearly unconvinced. “You know I could just yell for Twilight?”
“No, please!” Chrysalis said, surprising even herself that she was begging. “If you tell Twilight, she might tell her brother, and then he’ll definitely tell his wife!” Chrysalis swallowed as she stared off far. far into the distance. “And those two will do things to me…”
Starlight’s eyes drifted downwards. “What kinds of things?”
“… Butt things.”
“... You can’t be serious.”
Chrysalis nods. “You’re right, there was enough in that bedchamber to fill all my holes!” She looked down at her legs. “I have many holes, Starlight Glimmer.”
Starlight blinked, stared into space briefly, then sighed. She opted to slowly crawl back on top of her bed. “Fine!” she growled out. “You can stay until we figure out a more permanent solution. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really need to get some rest. Don’t startle me or try to harm or kill me while I’m sleeping. I’m going to cast a contingency spell to blast you if any of that happens.” No sooner had Starlight finished then electric blue runes began to encircle the bed before fading.
Blast, She’s well prepared… Oh well. I can still have a little fun.
“Hahaha! Fool! I SNORE in my sleep!”
Starlight’s upside down, glowering face suddenly appeared over the edge of the bed. “I swear, if you keep me up I’ll go get the bug spray.”
“… I’ll be good.”
The End