> Trojan Pony
>  by Hawker Hurricane
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter - 1 - Back Into Hell
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was sitting comfortably on a seat on a train looking out if the window at the green and pleasant countryside. It wouldn't be long before I reached the town of Ponyville. I didn't live there but I would be staying for a while at a local hotel and thanks to a....particular individual, it wouldn't cost me anything personally. The individual in question had kindly opened an expense account and said to get what I need to and not worry about the cost. The individual is.....rather wealthy and I currently had no means to buy or rent my own place. 

Recently I had moved from home and was unable to return for various reasons and the nation of Equestria was my only option. Princess Celestia was fortunately very understanding of my situation and granted me residency in her nation.   

I owe her a lot.

More than I could ever repay.

As the train came to a halt at the platform I levitated my luggage and briskly walked off, not accidentally wanting to be left on board. I didn't have much luggage, just a suitcase and a couple of saddlebags carrying a few odds and sods. I also had my piano accordion with me, a gift from my late mother. I made my way to the station exit and headed into Ponyville itself, many ponies out and about going about their business. 

None of them paid much attention to me. A few waved at me, which I reluctantly returned, but apart from that I was left alone. 

That is until one very pink Earth pony literally popped into view out of thin air. 

"Hey there new pony," she said ecstatically, "My Pinkie sense sensed a new pony was in town." 

"Ah huh," I replied not giving a damn what this crazy mare was saying. 

"That means I have to throw you a New Pony Party." 

She disappeared before I could object. 

I hate parties. I detest them with a passion few could comprehend. Dreary, superficial conversations, awful 'music', awful games, party hats. Ugh...party hats. If anypony tries to put one on me and they'll get my hoof in their face. 

Anyway, I carried on walking to where I would be staying. A small hotel called The Starry Night Inn. It cost 25 bits a night but included complementary breakfast and tea time meals. 

I approached the hotel and while relatively small, had a warm welcoming feel to it. I went in and approached the front desk where an Earth pony mare was going through some paperwork. The clopping of my hooves on the polished hardwood floor caught her attention and she looked up at me. 

"Hello there and welcome to the Starry Night Inn, how can I help you," she asked with a cheery smile. 

"Hi. I had a room here reserved, I'm Apollo." 

"OK, let me just check the reservations." 

The mare looked through a book and very soon brought her attention back to me, "Ah yes, here you are. You're booked for the Deluxe Suite on the 2nd floor." 

The mare went over to a board and removed the relevant key, "Here you are sir, I'll just need you to fill in a form. It's nothing major, it's just states the house rules and that you've actually arrived." 

"OK, I see no problem with that." 

After a minute or so the form was signed and I was walking up the stairs to my temporary accommodation. I entered the room and whilst quite small, still had a double bed and en-suite bathroom. There was also self-catering facilities in the form of a small kitchen with a microwave, kettle and toaster. There was also a mini-fridge containing some milk and several bars of white chocolate. All courtesy of my friend. 

I put my saddlebags and suitcase on the bed and decided to head into town, if only to stretch my legs. I left my room key with the reception desk as per house rules and left the hotel. I didn't really know my way around so I picked a random direction and started walking. Like earlier several of the towns ponies waved at me as I looked around. It seemed to be market day if the number of stalls was anything to go by. 

I wasn't really interested in buying anything. I hadn't even brought my bits with me. Anyway I was minding my own business looking at stuff when I felt somepony bump into me, knocking me off my hooves and causing me to land on my rump. 

"Oh I'm sorry, I apologise. I didn't see you there." 

It's her.    

I got up to my hooves and Twilight Sparkle was stood there with a book unsurprisingly in her magic grip.   

"Don't worry about it, no harm done," I replied through gritted teeth. 

"I've not seen you around here before." 

"I'm just visiting." 

"That's great. Ponyville is a welcoming place to visitors. Everypony goes out of their way to make them feel at home." 

I'm pretty sure a certain griffin and zebra would disagree with that. 

"I'm sure it is. Good day to you Twilight Sparkle," I replied half-heartedly. 

I heard her gasp, "How did you know my name?" 

"You're the Element of Magic and personal student of Princess Celestia. Everypony in Equestria knows who you are, along with your friends." 

"I guess that makes sense," she replied before her face lit up, "Would you like to meet them?" 

"No thank you. I've already met Pinkie and it's an encounter I'd prefer not to repeat." 

She laughed a little, "Yeah I can see why Pinkie would make you feel that way, but she's really friendly when you get to know her." 

"Be that as it may be, I'm not interested in meeting your friends. No offence but I'm not here to make friends and I have no interest in making friends." 

Twilight looked like her favourite book had just been banned. 

"How could you not be interested in making friends? Do you not have any friends?" 

"I do but seeing as I'm just a visitor it makes no sense in making friends." 

She narrowed her eyes and smirked, "I guarantee you mister, you will have friends before you leave. And a quick heads up, there's no escaping a Pinkie Party. Especially when you'll be the pony of honour tonight." 

She walked away still smirking. If smugness was radiation, I and everypony in Equestria would be dead or dying from radiation poisoning.   

I hate this town. 



 

A few hours had past and I was in my hotel room resting after finishing my tea of Vegetable soup with a freshly made Prench baguette. I was snoozing on my bed when a knock at the door disturbed my peace. 

"Who is it?" I asked. 

"It's your favourite party pony Pinkie Pie!" 

I groaned loudly, "I'm not interested in a party. Go away!" 

"No." 

"I'm not going to your party and that's final!" 

"It's not my party, it's your party." 

"I'm still not going!" 

"But everypony is waiting for you!" 

I sighed, deeply irritated at the persistence of the pink mare. As much as I didn't want to go, I got the feeling this mare would not give up.   

Pity she wasn't this friendly before. 

"Fine. I'll go!" 

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" 

"But no party hats!" 



 

Pinkie agreed to that and I walked with her to Sugarcube Corner, or more accurately I walked, she bounced along. Before we even got there I could see and hear everypony starting up. We entered Sugarcube Corner and as soon as we entered Pinkie used her foghorn voice and announced our arrival.

"Hey everypony, our new friend is here!"

Everypony turned around and immediately began cheering and stomping their hooves.

"Come on Apollo, let's get partying!"

"How did you know my name?"

"Duh, it was on your hotel reservation."

"And how did you know I was staying there?"

"I saw you entering earlier after you were walking around town all mopey."

"I guess that makes sense....hey hang on a minute I wasn't all mopey."

"Yes you were. Your face was all frowny and grumpy and you were mumbling naughty swear words to yourself."

That took me by surprise. I knew for absolute certain that she was not around me when I was out, and while I did mumble strong obscenities to myself it was barely audible to me let alone anypony else.

"Swearing in public, how uncouth," said a white unicorn mare approaching me.

I don't give a fuck if I was swearing in public you prissy bitch.

"Ah agree, what if one of the foals heard ya?"

And it's the cowgirl with a disturbing love of apples.

"Honestly I don't give a fuck, they'll learn it themselves eventually."

Both reeled back like I'd smacked them with my hoof, though how I wish I could do that. However, they quickly recovered and where about to give me an ear bashing when Sparkle Butt, or whatever her name is, intervened.

"Girls, let's not argue with our new friend. I'm sure he didn't mean it, he's probably just tired from his journey....and Pinkie's antics."

Applejack and Rarity both took in her words and extended their hooves apologetically.

"Yeah ah suppose so. I guess we've all been a bit cranky lately, at least since that monster attack."

"I agree darling, that vicious monster would cause anypony to still be cranky."

Deciding to keep the peace, for now at least, I shook their hooves.

"Understandable, I'm Apollo by the way."

"Pleasure to meet yah Apollo, ahm Ap-"

"Applejack, bearer of the Element of Honesty, and Rarity; bearer of the Element of Generosity."

The two mares looked at one another then back to me.

"How did you know that darling?"

"Everypony in Equestria knows who you all are."

"Damn right everypony does!"

A cyan pegasus landed right in front of me with a confident smirk on her face, looking directly at me.

"So, a unicorn huh? Are you an egghead like Twilight?"

"Hey!" Twilight moaned.

"Not really," I answered, "I was never really that good at school."

"So what is it you do huh? Your cutie mark looks weird."

"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity scolded, "That's no way to talk of somepony's cutie mark!"

"It's fine Rarity, it does look a little weird," I countered.

My cutie mark consisted of three circles that connected to a centre point. The circles though were not 'complete'. Where they would 'complete' instead they went under and over. The 'over' part is what connected the each circle to the centre, and each circle to each other.

"What is it though?" she asked.

"It's similar to a Celtic Triple Circle, denoting my skill in illusion magic."

"What's a Celtic Triple Circle? And you're not part of a travelling magic act are you?" Rainbow asked getting into my face, or muzzles almost touching.

"A Celtic Triple Circle is a symbol from long ago in my homeland and no, I'm not part of a magical act."

All the mares visibly sighed in relief.

"Good," Twilight said, "Ponyville has had quite enough of magical illusion tricks."

It seems Trixie has already been here. Not sure why they don't like her, OK she can be boastful but if you look past that she actually really friendly and great fun to be around.

"Well enough talking about Trixie and monster attacks," Rarity said, "Let's enjoy this wonderful party that Pinkie has put on."

Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity trotted away, I turned away also and noticed Twilight looking at me suspiciously, if her narrowed eyes were anything to go by.

"Something wrong?" I asked her.

She immediately stopped squinting and trotted away, "No no no, I was just leaving....to join my friends."

She bolted away quickly, clearly knowing she was caught staring at me. 

Damn ponies of this town. I shook my head and made my way to the buffet table where a wide range of cakes, pastries and sandwiches were on display. I grabbed a plate in my magic and filled plate with some cheese and onion quiche, cheese sandwiches, egg sandwiches, yum-yums, cheese straws and a cinnamon bun.

For a drink I had a glass of orange juice, if only to piss off Applejack.

Which it did.

After a while though, I noticed one of the elements was missing. Though I had a feeling why, I still wanted to know for certain so after finishing my food I tried to find Twilight; which took longer than expected given how nosy everypony was. Is it really too difficult for them to mind their own business? What business is it of theirs where I come from or how I got my cutie mark?

I eventually got to Twilight, though to be honest.....I really didn't want to speak to her.

Not after what she did.

But I had my reasons for coming to Ponyville.

She was busy talking to a pony I recognised immediately as Lyra Heartstrings.

Neither of them looked particularly happy and from my perspective, they were unhappy with each other. I walked over, their conversation becoming more and more easy to distinguish from the cacophony of noise in the room the closer I got.

"I still can't believe you would endanger Ponyville like that Lyra, or all of Equestria for that matter."

"In what way did I endanger anypony?"

"By letting that vicious monster loose! It took considerable effort to subdue the monster and tie it up in Applejack's barn, then you and others, including Fluttershy, freed it!"

"That creature was no monster. You are just prejudiced against anything that isn't a pony."   

Twilight reeled back as if hit, "That's not true. I treat everypony in an equal and fair manner."

"Yeah, everypony you do. But what about Griffons, or Minotaurs?"

"You're twisting my words!"

Just then Lyra finally noticed me.

"Hey there," she said, "Sorry if you heard us."

"That's fine, not my business anyway. Though I am curious about this...monster."

Twilight was about to speak but Lyra cut her off, prompting Twilight to scowl at her.

"It wasn't a monster, but whatever it was it didn't deserve to be treated how certain ponies," Lyra said, looking at Twilight before looking back to me, "Were treating it. So I and a few others helped it escape to safety."

"And endanger all of Equestria in the process," Twilight said harshly.

"Really?" Lyra asked sceptically, "It, or rather, HE, seemed very well mannered and polite. He even hugged me."

"Hugged you? Do you realise what you allowed the monster to do? Hugging you is how it could brainwash you into doing its bidding, or make you think you like it before it lures you in and it eats you!"

Lyra just stared at Twilight with her mouth agape, "Do you have any idea how stupid you sound right now?"

"Not as stupid as the pony who hugged a dangerous monster!"

"In what way was that creature dangerous?"

"Well for starters it had sharp teeth so it clearly eats meat."

"Spike has razor sharp teeth, Rarity's cat, Pinkie's alligator, Applejack's dog and even YOUR owl all eat meat. Should we call them monsters?"

"They are no such thing! Their sharp teeth is simply part of their biology."

"And the creature's isn't? Seriously Twilight, you're making pathetic excuses to justify your treatment of the creature, hoping your atrocious behaviour won't get you sent back to Magic Kindergarten by Princess Celestia."

Twilight smirked smugly, "Princess Celestia is aware of the situation, and has assured me the monster will be locked away in the Canterlot Dungeons where it can't hurt anypony."

I decided I had listened long enough.

"What exactly did this creature do?"

"Monster," Twilight 'corrected', "That monster just walked out the Everfree Forest and attacked Rainbow Dash, causing her to have a concussion and putting her in hospital."

"Where there any extenuating circumstances?"

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked.

"Well if the creature-"

"Monster."

"Creature," I re-corrected, causing Twilight to scowl at me, "If the creature had just walked out of the Everfree it may have been on edge and jumpy, especially if it was attacked by the real monsters that live there. If the creature saw Rainbow Dash approaching he may have assumed, in his jumpy state, that he was going to be attacked again and defended himself accordingly."

"That's not it at all!" Twilight said firmly, "You're making excuses for the monster's vicious attack!"

"Maybe. But Princess Celestia is on the case, so why worry? Surely she of all ponies can handle this one creature."

"Monster, but yes. When Princess Celestia captures the monster, it will be thrown in the dungeons where it belongs."

I expected Lyra to make a rebuttal against Twilight but instead I saw her looking at me suspiciously.

"You OK Lyra?" I asked.

"I'm good," she replied, still eyeing me suspiciously, "I'll be on my way, Bon Bon will be wondering where I got to."

"Sure, see you round some time."

She waved goodbye and walked away, leaving me alone with Twilight.

Lucky me.

"So," she started, "Why don't you tell me a bit more about yourself?"

"Why?"

This simple, short question seemed to confuse the little pony before me.

"Because.....I'd like....to be friends with you?"

"Knowing things about me will not make us friends."

"You don't want to be friends?" she asked, seemingly on the verge of tears.

"No, at least I don't want to be friends straight off the bat. My friendship is earned, not given away."

Twilight sighed in defeat, "I understand...I guess. But could you tell me where you're from at least, or what it is that you do?"

As much as I didn't want her to know anything about me, I got the distinct impression she wouldn't stop pestering me until she got what she wanted. But if I gave her the answers she wanted, that may encourage her to ask more.

Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't.

"Fine."

Twilight beamed with joy and gave me a quick hug before bouncing around me once, bringing into view some quills, ink and parchment.

"Question one. What is your name?"

"Apollo," I replied, even though she already knew my name.

"Question two, where are you from?"

"Albion."

"Albion? I've never heard of that place."

"It's a far far away land."

"How far?"

"Far enough that it's likely I'll never see it again."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she said with sincere sorrow, "Question three, what is your cutie mark?"

Again, I've already explained this.

"It's basically a Celtic Tripe Circle. My speciality is in Illusion magic."

"Excellent," she replied, writing it down, "What are your hobbies?"

"Astronomy, music, eating white chocolate, mechanical engineering and aerospace Engineering."

"They're.....interesting, though I don't see how eating white chocolate could be considered a hobby. And with Aerospace Engineering, do you mean things like airships?"

"Yep."

"Amazing feats of technology. We ponies are exceptionally advanced."

"Airships are obsolete and incredibly primitive."

Twilight looked at me in shock and disbelief, as though it where an affront to disagree with her. Which she would probably say it is.

"But but the newest airship, the Star of Celestia is state of the art and the most advanced airship in the world, with years of research into making it the best it possibly can be! How can you say it's obsolete?" 

"Quite easily actually. Have you seen those pedal powered gyro-copters?"

"Yes."

"I endeavour to make those but powered by an internal combustion engine."

"What?! But internal combustion is impossible!"

"Says who?"

"Says some of the finest pony minds in Equestria!"

"Well they're wrong. And I will eventually prove it."

"And how do you plan to do that? You specialise in illusion magic. You're not qualified or educated in such matters as aerospace or mechanical engineering."

"How would you know?" I ask, insulted she would question my intellect.

"If you where knowledgeable in what you say, then your cutie mark would reflect that. You may enjoy those subjects, but they are not your special talent. Illusion magic is."

"Perhaps you are right," I reply, not in any mood to argue with her.

Twilight smirked once more and smugly raised her muzzle into the air, "I always am."

She trotted away with smug superiority, leaving me alone with myself for company.

Not much better in my opinion.

After another hour or so the party finally ended.  I spoke to a few more ponies including Twilight's friends, except Fluttershy who stayed at her cottage in protest at the way the creature was treated. Apparently she was one of the ponies who helped it escape to safety along with Lyra, Bon Bon, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia and Thunderlane. She considered it hypocritical to be welcoming to a pony but violently attack a creature that was acting in self defence. I also found out through speaking to ponies that Twilight had convinced the others that the creature had implanted those thoughts into her mind when it hugged her, further causing them to believe the creature was a threat.

All that was several weeks ago apparently, and despite there being no reports of attacks, Twilight still believed the 'monster' was out to get everypony and eat them for lunch.

Moron.

Anyway, I was walking back to my hotel room to turn in for the night. I'd had enough craziness in one night to last a lifetime, and enough of Twilight to last several.

Tomorrow though, would be an interesting day.
> Chapter - 2 - Out And About
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sun shone brightly as I walked out into Ponyville. I had no particular destination in mind but I felt I should at least get to know the town I would be living in for the foreseeable future better. Ponies were already up and about setting up their shops and market stall for the day, though I wouldn't be able to buy much, if anything at all. My hotel room has very limited space and until the necessary paperwork came through I wouldn't be able to open a bank account and buy my own property. According to Princess Celestia it would be around a couple of weeks at least.

The Princess also promised to be a reference for when I apply for a mortgage and a job, not that I want her to be. I would prefer to have my own workshop so I can recreate the engineering genius of my homeland, but supplies and materials won't pay for themselves; and until I can successfully recreate something and sell it, I'd have to make do with a regular job. Preferably something with engineering. I'll check out the train station later and see if there's anything there.

Until then I just looked around seeing what was what. I did bring my saddlebags with me just in case, along with my headphones which were hanging around my neck. I couldn't go out and not take my awesome collection of banging tunes with me. A thought which reminded me of another thing I had to do. Something I had been given permission to do, within reason, from the Almighty Sunbutt herself.

Retrieve some property of mine that had been 'inadvertently appropriated' by Sparkle Butt.

First I would need to view her library and snoop around and try to find out where it is.

Then I'd have to work out how to get my stuff back.

But first I had to visit a shop I saw the day before that specialises in tea.

I only drink black tea though.

I headed for the tea shop and was pleased to see it was already open. I went in and was taken back by the sheer variety of teas available. Teas of all different flavours and colours filled the shelves and my nose was knocked six ways form Sunday from an abundance of pleasant aromas.

"Hey there, can I help you?"

I looked over to the counter and saw a dark purple Earth pony with a lighter purple mane, and a light blue scarf tied around her neck. I walked over to her to answer her, it's not polite to shout across the room.

"Yeah, do you have any black tea?"

"We sure do," she replied, turning around and getting a box down from a shelf, "How many would you like? We have boxes of 40, 80 and 120?"

"Just a box of 80 for now, I'm living in a hotel at the moment."

The mare winced at the unpleasant news, "Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Hope things work out OK for you. I'm Camellia by the way."

She extended her hoof which I gracefully took, shaking it gently, "I'm Apollo. An avid tea drinker."

Camellia giggled, "Good for me, will you be a regular here then?"

"If this tea tastes as good as it smells then definitely."

Camellia giggled again, "Charmer. If you need a tea set then I'd suggest going to Raspberry Vinaigrette down the street. She has the finest tea sets around."

"I'll pay her a visit. How much for the tea?"

"Two bits."

I levitated over two bits and put the tea in my saddle bag.

"Thank you sir."

"Call me Apollo."

"Sure thing Apollo, and you can call me Camellia."

"Great. By the way, what do you make of the creature that appeared in Ponyville the other week?"

"You mean the one half the ponies of Ponyville chased around and later Lyra, Fluttershy and a few others helped free it?"

"That's the one.” 

“I regret not welcoming him myself. Pity, he would have been another customer most likely."

"How can you be sure?"

"I could smell tea from his saddle bags as he ran past me, though he didn't see me. His tea was mixed with milk and sugar, black tea he had. I hope he's OK though."

I like this mare.

"You can tell that just from him smelling it as he ran past?"

Camellia smiled, "Well I am a specialist in tea."

"Indeed you are, my cutie mark shows my talent for illusion magic but I'm really more into engineering."

"What kind of engineering?"

"Aerospace and mechanical."

"Sounds impressive, designed anything new yet?"

"I have some plans for more powerful steam locomotives and longer carriages, whilst working on more powerful diesel engines powered by internal combustion."

"Wow! I didn't know internal combustion was possible."

I nodded, "It is, though I need to buy the parts and materials I need which won't be cheap."

"Well I wish you luck in your endeavours."

"Thank you, I'll see you again sometime"

"I'll look forward to it, goodbye now."

"Bye."

I left the store, much happier than when I went in, and headed straight for the Raspberry Vinaigrette's shop. I didn't need anything fancy, just a simple tea set for the gallons of tea I usually drink. It didn't take long to get to the shop and like with Camellia, business was swift and friendly. I bought a tea set consisting of a tea pot, four two cups and saucers, milk jug and mini sugar bowl complete with a small pair of metal tongs. The porcelain set set me back fifteen bits but it was good quality material.

I was on my way back to my hotel room to put my new tea set in a safe place when a certain purple unicorn ran up to me.

"Apollo, I want to talk to you."

"Why?" I asked, turning around to see her confused face.

"Because I want to know more about you."

"Why?"

"Because everypony knows everypony in Ponyville, we don't keep secrets from each other."

"Oh? Well I do."

She began to scowl and puff her chest out, "That's not how we do things in Ponyville, we're open with each other here."

Note to self, do not trust Ponyville ponies, especially Twilight, with anything confidential.

"Well I DO keep secrets. No doubt you will derive many hours of enjoyment trying to work out what they are."

"There's nothing you can hide from me Apollo, I will find out things about you."

"Why is it so important to you that you know things about me?"

"Because I'm studying the magic of friendship and I can only do that if I learn more about you."

"Why so interested in me? What was wrong with the creature?"

"Monster. And the monster was just that, a monster. You are a pony, a civilised being worthy of friendship."

Twilight you are becoming harder and harder to like or respect. 

"How was the creature not worthy?"

Twilight grit her teeth, "The monster, is not worthy of friendship because it attacked my friend and tried to escape justice."

"Or maybe his 'attack' was a misunderstanding and the reason he ran was because a swarm of ponies carrying pitchforks and torches wanted a piece of him."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Ponies around town. It seems certain ponies of Ponyville were the ones acting like monsters."

"Ponies of this town aren't monsters!"

"I never said they were, I said the were acting like monsters."

I could see veins in her forehead throbbing and strands of her mane popping out. Clearly I was getting to her. I got the distinct impression she didn't enjoy being outsmarted by anypony other than Princess Celestia. Speaking of being outsmarted, I thought of a way to take advantage of her intentions.

"Tell you what Twilight, I'll come round to your library in a few minutes with a puzzle. If you can solve it, I will answer your questions about me."

Immediately she beamed with joy, and smugness, "Perfect! You may as well answer my questions now because there's no puzzle I can't solve."

Twilight I can assure you that you will come to hate the name Rubik.

"Then why don't you head back to the library and wait for me? I'm interested in browsing the library's books anyway."

"You like reading?" she asked almost bursting with excitement.

"Yes."

Though what I read would go way above Twilight's head, or she wouldn't understand it. Maybe I should show her Tolstoy's War and Peace, in the original Russian. Yeah, did I mention I can speak, read and write Russian. Courtesy of my Russian father, my mother was English.

The next thing I felt was being hugged tightly by Twilight. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt nice. Pity she couldn't have reacted like that when I first entered the town. 

"That's great! You do whatever it is you're doing while I go and set things up in the library!"

She went off happily whilst I went back to my hotel room. Hopefully I wouldn't regret what I'm about to do.





"So," Twilight said, "What is this puzzle you want to show me?"

I levitated out my Rubik's cube and floated it over to Twilight. She took it in her own magic and began examining it.

"What is it? "

"A Rubik's cube. The object of the game is to get each face covered in one colour."

"Easy," Twilight said with smug confidence.

"There's 43 quintillion different combinations."

Twilight looked up at me and laughed, "Don't be silly, how can something so small have that many combinations?"

"You're right. There's actually 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 different combinations."

"You're making that up!"

"Nope. Do the maths yourself if you don't believe me."

"I will do, but only after I complete it."

"Fair enough, while you're doing that I'm going to nosy round and see what you have."

She didn't answer, she was far too engrossed in the cube. I browsed the library shelves seeing what she had. Most were spell books, some on Illusion magic; some on Destruction magic. Definitely had to read that one. There were also some on history and engineering. After grabbing a few books on these particular topics I put them to one side. I looked over to Twilight and saw she was still engrossed in the cube, thirty minutes later; and from the sounds of all the grunting and groaning is anything to go by. 

Whilst she was distracted, I walked over to the door with a sign saying 'NO ENTRY'. 

So much for Ponyvillians not hiding things from each other.

I'm guessing that some of my stuff is down there, but how to get it while Twilight is around is something I'd have to work out.

"Hey Twilight, what's in here?"

Twilight turned around, surprisingly, and walked up to me.

"Just my lab."

"Can I see it?"

She looked at me suspiciously, "Why?"

"To get to know you better?"

"I don't know, there's a lot of dangerous equipment down there."

"Like things from that creature?"

"Monster. But yes. How did you know?"

"Just guessing. So can I see it?"

She looked at me suspiciously again, but eventually relented, "Fine. But no touching anything, with either your hooves or magic."

I nodded in 'agreement' and followed her into her lab. I followed her down the stairs and into the main lab area. Equipment was all over the place, most of it antiquated by my standards, making it harder to find my stuff.

"Sorry things are like this, I haven't done much tidying recently."

"It's fine. What do you do down here?"

"Experiments off all different kinds, you wouldn't be interested though."

"I like science."

"Really?"

I nodded, "I did say I was into astronomy and engineering, both of which involve science."

"True. But your special talent is illusion magic."

Yeah, I don't know why but I'm rather good at it. So much so, Sunbutt was very nervous about it. In the few weeks of lessons I had from her in learning how to use magic, illusion was the one I seemed natural at. The spell I was trying hardest to pull off was the invisibility spell; that and the one were I could mentally project thoughts and images into other ponies' minds.

A bit like Professor X.

"True, but that doesn't mean I can't have other interests. Your special talent is magic yet you hoard alien technology."

"Huh?"

I pointed to the alien tech. My tech.

"How did you know that was alien?"

"It's clearly not Equestrian. Why do you have it? Is it yours?"

"No it's not mine. It was in one of the monster's saddle bags. I don't know what it thought they were, it probably tried to eat them, thinking they were food. Stupid monster."

I frowned minutely.

"I have no idea what they are though. They all seem to be black mirrors, but who would be stupid enough to design them?"

I slowly walked over to where my stuff was, dreading the state they may be in. Twilight, I swear to our Lord and Saviour Morgan Freeman if any of my shit is damaged you will feel the full fury of my wrath.

I reached the table my stuff was and was extremely relieved to see no damage had befallen my stuff.

My Nintendo Switch, which still had Breath of the Wild in the game slot and my iPad Pro. They were in the bag that Lyra and the others were unable to retrieve when they helped me escape, they were only able to retrieve one bag and my piano accordion. That bag contained my Nintendo 2DS XL and games, some white chocolate, a metal Thermos full of tea, my Russian copy of War and Peace and some slices of Angel Cake. Which Princess Celestia loved. Fortunately they didn't go through my jeans pockets otherwise they would have taken my wallet, car keys and iPhone 7 as well. 

I really hoped my consoles would last a long time, but Nintendo consoles usually last ages, my mother's brother's old NES and SNES still worked all these years later. Though I'm not sure how I'd react when they no longer work or get damaged, it's not like I can replace them now.

I began to pick them up in my magic but I was immediately stopped by Sparkle Know-It-All.

"Don't touch them! Who knows what they do!"

"Why do you have them?"

"I confiscated them from the monster."

"Why? Do you have authority to do that?"

"No but it's better that they are in my possession than the monster's."

"So you stole it?"

"No, I confiscated unknown objects from a dangerous monster."

She's like a stuck record, monster, monster, monster, monster, monster.

"How would Princess Celestia react if she knew you took something that didn't belong to you?" I asked, hoping to use her fear of disappointing the Princess as leverage against her.

"She would normally be disappointed but in this case she would be supportive."

It must be good being teacher's pet.

Sadly, I knew she was right. Celestia and I in the short time we've known each other have had a bit of a disagreement. Nonetheless, I don't give a fuck if she or anyone else has an issue with me un-stealing my things.

"I'll take them, see if I can get them to work."

"No you're not taking them!"

"Why not?"

"They're not yours!"

"They're not yours either."

"You're still not taking them, they could be dangerous!"

"They could be harmless as well, why are you afraid for me to take a look? Are you afraid of being wrong?"

Twilight grit her teeth hard and picked me up in her magic. She ran up the stairs, taking me with her, and dumped me unceremoniously on the library floor. I think I struck a nerve. I looked over to her to find out what her problem was and saw her writing in a log book of sorts and stamping the inside of the books. She picked up something in her magic and trotted over to me.

"Here is your library card. Take your books and leave," she said firmly, opening the door with her magic.

"There's nothing wrong with being wrong," I said as I left, the books and library card in my magic grip.

I walked out and headed back to my hotel room. 

I needed to plan a rescue mission for my beloved technology.

It would have to be at night though, mainly to reduce the risk of being seen.





I stayed in my hotel room for a few hours, reading the spell book about illusion magic, even practising a few spells. But it would be a while yet before I could cloak myself like a Romulan Warbird, or Klingon Bird of Prey; whichever you prefer. 

It was just after lunch and I had yet to eat. I decided I would go into town to get something as there was no lunch at the hotel, and I had nothing in to make a sandwich with. I grabbed my saddle bags again, putting in the Illusion Spell books and my bag of bits.

My iPhone 7 and 2DS XL were hidden in my saddle bags as well, I didn't want to risk leaving them in my hotel room unattended just in case Twilight was suddenly overcome with the impulse to snoop around. My wireless headphones were around my head, which surprisingly fit despite the change in ear placement. I was listening to some Dragon Force when I spotted a bakery.

I wondered if they did sausage rolls but if I asked for anything with meat I'd probably cause a mass riot.

I'll just get a sandwich.

I went in, Dragon Force still blasting away into my ears, and waited in the queue.

Whilst I was waiting I browsed what was available and how much each thing cost. I decided to buy a few things and put them in the mini fridge in my hotel room, rather than buy something every day. Looking around I also noticed some of the ponies in the bakery were a mix of those who chased me before, and those who didn't.

But I couldn't think about that now.

My stomach required my attention.

After a minute or so it was my turn to be served. I approached the mare who called me over and began to give her my order.

"Hi, I'd like a plain cheese sandwich in white bread, a dozen cheese straws, three iced fingers, an egg sandwich in white, four caramel crispies, four chocolate coated flapjacks, two cinnamon buns, four yum-yums, two cheese scones and two plain scones. Please."

I finished giving her my order only to be given what I can only describe as a 'WTF?' expression, by the sales assistant and other customers.

"What?" I asked.

"That's a lot of food for one pony," the sales assistant said.

"I'm stocking up for a few days, I'm living in a hotel a the moment."

"Oh," everypony chorused.

It took a few minutes but the mare got my order done, not forgetting anything either. Twelve bits it cost, more or less what it would have cost back home so no complaints from me. Hopefully it would taste just as good as it smelled. I paid for my order and carried my order, which the mare had put in a large box, and headed back to my hotel room to put them away. No need to carry them around all day.

After a few minutes I had put my food in the mini fridge or cupboard, whichever was more appropriate, and went back outside; taking the egg sandwich with me, along with my saddle bags from before and a full Thermos of tea.

I was back outside again and decided to head for the park to enjoy my sandwich. Surely that was possible, even in this town.

I found an empty bench in front of a pond and took my sandwich out, British power metal still blasting my ears away.

Half-way through eating my sandwich I was joined by another unicorn mare with an electric blue mane and cutie mark showing a backwards double quaver.

And a cool pair of shades and headphones.

I nodded to her and she nodded to me.

I lowered my headphones and she lowered hers.

There was silence for a few seconds as she discreetly scanned the area with her magic to see if the coast was clear.

"So," she started, "How are you doing?"

"Well enough. I'm assuming Princess Celestia filled you in?"

"Yeah. Me, Octy, Lyra, Bon Bon, Thunderlane and Fluttershy. Those of us who helped you escape."

"Thank you again for that."

"Any time pal, what Twilight and the others did was wrong."

"What about Rainbow, where does she stand?"

"Twilight filled her in with her version of things, oblivious to the fact that Rainbow remembers everything."

"I take it Twilight is dismissing everything she says, and putting Rainbow's version of events down to her concussion effecting her memory?"

"That's more or less it."

I sighed and face palmed. Face hoofed.

"If only I wasn't so jumpy at the time, had I just not done anything for a few more seconds....."

"Hey don't blame yourself. Your reaction was understandable considering your situation, even Princess Celestia accepted your side of things."

"I'm glad she did, otherwise I might be occupying one of her dungeon cells right now."

"Not likely, given that Rainbow remembers what had happened and you had some of us to back you; she would've given you the benefit of the doubt."

I simply nodded, "I suppose that's fair enough."

There was a few more seconds of silence as Vinyl looked of my pony form.

"How does it feel to be a pony?"

"Weird. I didn't want this, but if my encounter with Twilight and the others is anything to go by, then it's safer for me to be like this. It was either become a pony and live as normally as possible, or remain human and live in seclusion and secrecy to avoid the racist natives."

I sighed tiredly and unconsciously slumped my shoulders. I felt Vinyl wrap a foreleg around me comfortingly, pulling me into a hug.

"Don't feel like that Vlad, I like you regardless of what you are; it's just that Ponyville tends to be very close minded."

"So I could have remained human?"

"Maybe, but look at it this way. You can use magic now and if you get hurt, it's easier to treat you than if you were human."

If only she knew the truth.

I would have preferred to go home, but unfortunately that wasn't possible. Without knowing how I got to Equestria, the Princess couldn't send me back. And for other reasons.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Head's up, Twilight's coming."

"Дерьмо ," (der'mo - shit) I muttered.

Twilight trotted merrily up to Vinyl, somehow not noticing me.

"Oh hi Vinyl," then she turned to me, "Oh, it's you."

"И тебе привет, самодовольная сучка! " (I tebe privet, samodovol'naya suchka! - Hello to you as well you stuck up bitch)

Twilight just looked at me, completely dumbfounded. 

"What?"

" Я сказал, и тебе привет, самодовольная сучка. Не понимаешь по-русски ?" (YA skazal, i tebe privet, samodovol'naya suchka. Ne ponimayesh' po-russki? - I said, hello to you as well you stuck up bitch. Do you not understand Russian?)

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!" Twilight screamed.

I spoke only a few words of Russian and already she's throwing a massive temper tantrum.

I smirked evilly inside. I am so going to enjoy annoying the hell out of Twilight.

"What do you want Twilight?" I asked.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm sitting on a bench, eating my egg sandwich and talking to Vinyl here."

"You know her?"

"I do now. But surely you won't mind, after all....I was under the impression you wanted me to make friends."

Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose with her hoof (I never knew that was possible) and sighed, "I do."

"Then why do you have a problem with me?"

"Maybe because you tried to take off with items I confiscated from the monster."

"No, I offered to find out what they were. You stole them off the creature."

"Monster, and I did not steal them."

"You took them without permission, that is stealing. Haven't you worked out what they do yet?"

"No, I haven't; and if I can't how could anypony else work it out?"

"Well if you gave them to me I'd show you how."

Twilight shook her head, "No, that's not happening. I've told you before."

I huffed forcefully, "Why did you come over here?"

"I was just walking through the park. You just happened to be here."

"My apologies for intruding into a public park."

"Don't get all sarcastic with me Apollo."

"Or what? You'll write a letter to Princess Celestia?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow, "I think I will. In fact, I'll go and do that now."

She stuck her muzzle up into the air, turned around and walked away. Myself and Vinyl watched as she went away. We waited until she was out of earshot until we spoke.

"What the bloody hell does Princess Celestia see in her?" I asked.

"I don't know," Vinyl shrugged, "But I've never seen Twilight act like this, even when you first appeared. I thought that she would at least show some level-headedness in dealing with the situation."

"She's just after revenge after what happened to Rainbow. She won't be happy until I'm rotting away in a deep, dark dungeon somewhere. If she ever finds out who I really am......."

Vinyl put a comforting hoof around me again, "That won't happen-"

"But what if it does?"

"Then you'll have your friends at your side to support you."

I put a hoof around her, pulling her into a hug, "Thanks Vinyl."

"Any time pal."

"Hey Vinyl?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you busy any night this week?"

"Why?"

"How do you feel about joining me in re-obtaining 'inadvertently appropriated' items from Sparkle Butt's lab?"
> Chapter - 3 - Just Another Day In Ponyville
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After my chat with Vinyl I went back into town to do some more shopping. I also agreed to meet her later along with Octavia, Bon Bon and Lyra sometime. I would have met with Fluttershy and Thunderlane as well but that might have aroused suspicion from Twilight. I headed to Filthy Rich's Barnyard Bargains for a few staple items to tide me over for a few days.

The town was a little busier than before as I walked through the market area, spotting a few more ponies I recognised from my first encounter with this crazy town. If you overlook the racism and slight stupidity of certain ponies, Ponyville would actually be a really nice place to live. Small, homely, reasonable cost of living, great views and a death trap forest.

Anyway I quickly reached the store and went inside, levitating a basket over to myself. I looked above the aisles what was where and first made my way to the back of the store where the dairy items were kept. I grabbed a pint of whole milk, which came in a glass bottle, and some clotted cream. My next item was some strawberry jam, several isles away. I began walking and about half way there I was joined by the slack-jawed yokel.

"You done treatin' ma friends like pig slurry?"

"Hello to you as well."

Applejack grunted in annoyance, her eyebrows furrowing, "Don't get all sassy with me!"

"I take it Twilight spoke to you?" I asked, not at all intimidated by her.

"Yeah, she did. She's already written a letter to Princess Celestia," she said, her expression turning into a smug smirk, "Yer in a whole heap o' trouble."

"No I'm not," I replied dismissively before turning down the aisle, even though it wasn't the one I wanted.

"Don't walk away from me! I'm talkin' to ya!"

"And I'm trying to do a bit of shopping; did you follow me in here just to bitch and moan at me?"

Applejack spluttered, "Well I never! Yer no different from that monster a few weeks back!"

"Monster?" I asked, stroking underneath my chin pretending to be confused, "Oh, you mean that creature you tied up in your barn then bucked with your hind legs, breaking his ribs and causing some internal bleeding?"

"How did you...I didn't do nothin' like that!"

"Really? So Fluttershy is a liar then?"

"Fluttershy?"

"She was the one to examine the creature-"

"Monster."

"Creature," I corrected through gritted teeth, "Fluttershy examined him after freeing him and saw a pair of hoof marks on his abdomen, according to her the only reason his injuries weren't more serious was because of his thick clothing."

"How do you know all of this?" she asked suspiciously, squinting her eyes.

"I heard ponies talking around town. You lot are so quick to judge him, you don't stop to reflect on your own actions. And by asking 'how do you know all of this?', you've just admitted to doing it."

Applejack scowled fiercely, "Well so what if I did. That monster got exactly what it deserved after it attacked Rainbow Dash."

"Apparently Rainbow refutes the claim it was a deliberate attack."

"Rainbow took a knock to the head, of course her memory will be fuzzy on the incident."

"From what I've been told, her memory is perfectly fine."

"Well Twilight says otherwise."

"Twilight isn't a medical professional, she is neither trained nor qualified to make such an assessment."

"If Twilight says that Rainbow has faulty memory, then ah believe her."

"You believe Twilight over medical Doctor?"

"Yes I do."

I shook my head in disbelief, " Вы, деревенщины, и правда настолько тупые, как о вас говорят." (Vy, derevenshchiny, i pravda nastol'ko tupyye, kak o vas govoryat. - You country folk really are as dumb as people say you are)

"You keep your creepy mumbo-jumbo to yourself! You hear!" 

"Would you mind saying that again? Only a little louder this time."

Applejack grit her teeth and grunted furiously.

"Oh and it would also help if you opened your mouth a little wider when you speak. Not everypony understands hill-billy."

Applejack started frothing at the mouth and raised a hoof. Most likely to plant it right on my muzzle. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Sparkle Butt arrived.

"What's going on? I could here you two arguing from across the store?"

Applejack made sure to answer first, "Apollo here, seems to think we're in the wrong about how we treated the monster, and also seems to think you're not qualified to make medical assessments. And then he started talking in this weird mumbo-jumbo gobbledegook'."

"I see," Twilight said before she turned to me, "And what about you?"

"I was just telling her that what I pretty much told you, and that you're hypocritical in calling the creature a monster when you yourselves hardly behaved better chasing him around town, tying him up and bucking him in his stomach."

"If bucking the monster is what it took to subdue it-"

"The creature was bucked, by Applejack," I said firmly, looking at the mare in question, "After he was tied up to a post on her barn, ergo he had no way to defend himself."

"I'm sure it was necessary."

"So you advocate violence?"

"I don't have to answer myself to you," she replied firmly, scowling in the process, "Besides, I just thought I'd let you know, Princess Celestia is here."

She began to smirk, "And she's waiting outside to see you. Oh and stop talking in a language I can't understand, I want to be able to know what it is you're saying."

"Тогда отъебись и выучи русский!" (Togda ot"yebis' i vyuchi russkiy! - Fuck off and learn Russian then!)

"What did I just say?! Anyway, the Princess is waiting for you, and she doesn't look happy."

Applejack laughed, "Oh yer in real trouble now."

They both walked away, muttering amongst themselves guessing the punishment that would befall me.

Idiots.

Anyway, sod them; I have some shopping to do. 





My shopping didn't take too long after that. It's surprising what one can achieve in a short amount of time when you don't have nosy, racist ponies following you around. I had just paid and was exiting the store when I saw a mass of ponies, including Sparkle Butt and her friends.

All of them.

I'll give you one guess which one had the smuggest of smug grins.

I'll give you a few clues, she's purple and she's a unicorn.

I trotted merrily over to where Princess Celestia herself was, and just to annoy Twilight; I didn't bow.

"Hey Princess, what brings you here?"

I didn't need to look at teacher's pet to know she was fuming with me for not bowing or speaking to Princess Celestia 'properly'. Twilight then looked up to the Princess, probably hoping I would be given a dressing down for failing to show etiquette.

She would be disappointed.

"Apollo, how are you; my little pony?"

She did it again. Calling me 'my little pony'. 

Why?

Because she knows it pisses me off.

"I'm good."

"Are you settling in nicely into Ponyville?"

"Well enough. It'll be better once I get a house sorted out, and a workshop."

"I understand, hopefully you won't have to wait too long."

"That's good to hear."

Just then there was some 'coughing'.

Guess who it was.

Twilight was also motioning with her head towards me, trying to get me a telling off.

"Of course," the Princess replied, walking over to me, "Twilight tells me you were being disruptive in the library."

I looked past the Princess to see Twilight, and Applejack, looking smugger than ever.

"Technically we were in her lab."

"You see! This is what he's like. He gets all smart and clever with everypony," Twilight whined.

I rolled my eyes, unamused at her child-like whining. Seriously, how old is she?

Princess Celestia just giggled, much to Twilight's confusion, and walked over to me and teleported an item into view.

"Моя ушанка!" (Moya ushanka - My ushanka)

To say I was delighted would be an understatement. I bought it a few years ago in my home city of St Petersburg and on the front, rather than the Red Star, Hammer and Sickle of the former Soviet Union, was the Coat of Arms of Russia. I took it out of the Princesses' magic and into my own, putting it on my head.

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP SPEAKING IN THAT LANGUAGE!"

"Отвали маленькая лошадка!" (Otvali malen'kaya loshadka - Piss off little horse)

I was really starting to get sick to the back teeth of Twilight. Who the hell is she to tell me I can't speak in my semi-native Russian? (English being my other semi-native language). I looked from Twilight up to the Princess, who had an eyebrow raised in a seemingly disapproving manner.

Did she understand me?

Anyway I looked back to Twilight.

"Я могу разговаривать на таком языке, на каком захочу!" (YA mogu razgovarivat' na takom yazyke, na kakom zakhochu - I can speak any language I want)

Responding in yet more Russian only seemed to further aggravate Twilight. From the looks of things, if she got any angrier I wouldn't have been surprised if she turned into Rapidash.

Or would Ponyta be more appropriate?

Rapidash has the horn but Ponyta is around the same size.

.....ah well, doesn't matter. Fortunately though, before Twilight spontaneously combusted, Princess Celestia intervened.

"My little ponies, please; don't argue amongst yourselves," she said before walking over to Twilight.

"My faithful student."

Twilight looked a little scared, almost like she was about to cry.

I'd find it rather cute if she wasn't like she was.

"Yes, Princess," she almost sobbed.

"I understand Apollo can be a little.....different from most ponies, but I assure you that he's just as friendly as yourself and your friends."

"But he doesn't want to be our friend, he won't even tell us anything about himself apart from his name and special talent."

"I understand your frustration Twilight, but you can't force anypony to reveal personal information if they do not wish to."

Twilight pouted, much to my delight, before the Princess began walking over to me with the same kind of look my mother would give me when I did something wrong in my early childhood.

"Apollo?"

"Yes Princess?"

"I understand and appreciate things are different where you come from, but please don't be intentionally hurtful to my subjects if they try to be friendly. I am not saying you must be friends with them, but please don't hurt their feelings."

"I would never do such a thing."

"Then why are you so rude to me?" asked Twilight, trotting up to me.

"Because I don't like you," I replied curtly.

Twilight reeled back as if I hit her. Her bottom lip began trembling before she ran away in the direction of her library.

Crying.

Everypony looked at me with a scowl.

Even Princess Celestia.

"What did I just say?" she asked.

"You said don't be intentionally hurtful. I wasn't, I just said I don't like her."

The Princess sighed deeply, "But that was hurtful."

"No it wasn't. I mean for fucks sake! How pathetic are your subjects if they can't take a few barely-harsh words? It's little wonder your society has stagnated if none of you can take a little criticism."

Most of the ponies where open mouthed at the language I used, some parents putting their hooves in their foals ears.

Princess Celestia took in a deep breath before exhaling, "Apollo, I realise Equestrian society is less advanced technologically than your homeland, that is why I'm giving you a workshop so you can try to recreate what you are accustomed to, but please don't speak ill of my subjects like that."

"Fine, I suppose-"

I stopped talking for a moment when I realised what she said.

"I'm finally getting my workshop?"

The Princess nodded, "Along with a monthly stipend for tools, equipment, living expenses and so on. I am still ironing out the details but I should be finished in a few days."

"That is awesome! Where is the workshop?"

"On Canterlot Road here in Ponyville, you can't miss it; though it does need a little refurbishment, especially the living quarters. Some work-ponies are due to arrive in the next few days who will refurbish to your personal specifications."

"OK, well......I don't know what to say......thank you I guess."

"You're welcome......my little pony," she finished with a cheery smile.

I scowled at her again for calling me that.

She simply giggled and took to the air, "Farewell my little ponies."

She disappeared in a flash of light, leaving with me with the townsfolk.

Most of whom looked like they wanted to murder me if the looks on the faces was anything to go by. I ignored them and began to walk away, only to have the slack-jawed yokel join me again.

"Where are ya goin'?"

"Back to my hotel room to put my shopping away."

Damn nosy ponies.

"Can I come with you, if that's OK?"

I didn't need to be told whose timid voice that was.

"Sure."

Fluttershy soon caught up with me and matched my pace.

"You must be Fluttershy."

"Yes......it's nice to meet you," she replied timidly, "Are you OK?"

"More or less, the racist locals are still an issue but nothing I can't handle."

"We are not racist!" yelled Applejack.

I stopped walking and turned around to her, "Ponies living in Ponyville, who are welcoming to Ponies only, attacking anything or anyone that isn't a pony. Most of you are racist."

"Stop slanderin' us! Ponies of Ponyville are welcomin' to everypony."

"Everypony you are, but as I've said before, what about non-ponies? The creature the other week? Gilda? Zecora? What about them?"

Applejack huffed in annoyance, "Gilda was jus' lookin' fer trouble, Zecora was a misunderstanding and that monster from the other week attacked Rainbow Dash!"

"No he didn't AJ! How many times must I keep telling everypony?" Rainbow screamed in frustration.

"You got a concussion Dash, yer memory is all fuzzy!" Applejack countered.

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY MEMORY!"

I decided it would be the ideal time to hear Dash's side of things, especially in front of Applejack, as it would save tracking her down later.

"Could you tell me what happened?" I asked.

"Why do you want to know?" asked Applejack.

I decided to just ignore her and trotted up to Rainbow, "I'm interested in hearing your side of things, I've heard your friend's side."

"She doesn't have to answer to you," Applejack butted in.

"PISS OFF!" I yelled, turning around a looking fiercely at her.

Applejack stumbled back slightly, taken off guard by my sudden outburst. 

She regained her footing and scowling expression, and stomped right up to me. Everypony was watching on, wondering what might happen next. She opened her mouth to speak but before her hill-billy nonsense could leave her squeal hole, I turned around back to Dash.

Bad move on my part. Before I could speak to Dash again, I felt myself flying through the air.

I landed several yards away with intense pain in my barrel.

The dumb country hick had bucked me again.

I winced in pain as I struggled to my hooves, tears also beginning to form in my eyes. I barely had the strength to stand and would have fallen back onto the floor had it not been for somepony catching me. Looking to see who was propping me up, I saw the multi-coloured mane and cyan fur of the one and only Rainbow Dash.

"Thanks," I said, still wincing in pain.

"No problem buddy. Sorry about Applejack though, she can be real stubborn at times."

"And violent."

"Don't worry about that. Fluttershy is giving her a talking to, and Pinkie is taking your shopping back to your hotel room."

"Thanks, I'm headed back there now."

"No you're not, you're going to the hospital to make sure Applejack didn't do serious damage."

"But-"

"But nothing! We need to make sure you're OK."

"Fine," I sighed.

I didn't know if Dash knew who I really was, the Princess never said and I forgot to ask. I'd have to tread carefully just in case. Anyway, Dash began helping me walk, staying close by just in case I fell over again.

"Thanks Rainbow."

"No problem buddy."

Most of the townponies from earlier had dispersed, leaving just Dash and I. Meaning I could finally ask her without disruption.

"So Rainbow, what is your version of events regarding the creature."

Rainbow sighed deeply, and what looked like tears started to form in her eyes.

"It's all my fault," she said quietly.

"Your fault? What's your fault?"

"Had I not been flying so fast, had I decided not to show off by trying an awesome landing then maybe that creature would be here now. Instead he's Celestia knows where and Twilight and most of the town ponies think the creature is a monster that needs locking up."

"You're not at fault Rainbow."

"How would you know, you weren't there."

Do I tell her?

"So tell me what happened?"

"OK, so I was flying around the perimeter of the Everfree Forest when I saw the weird looking creature. At first I thought it was a monster but then I saw it was wearing clothes and looked a bit like a Minotaur, so I decided to go down and say 'hi' in spectacular awesome fashion by doing a back flip and landing on my hooves right in front of him."

"All was going well at that point?"

"Yeah, until the creature heard me. Even though I had less than a second to see his face, I saw fear. The next thing I knew I was out cold. I woke up a few days later in hospital and was told the creature attacked me. Whilst it was technically true; he didn't attack intentionally, it was out of fear. According to Fluttershy the creatures clothes were stained with sap from Timberwolves and other things from the Everfree Forest, as well as saying the creature was malnourished and dehydrated." 

"Your friend must be good with non-pony creatures."

"She is, and as far as she's concerned, if he was repeatedly attacked and was malnourished and dehydrated from lack of food and water, his judgement would have been impaired and probably thought that I was another creature intent on attacking him."

"But Twilight and Applejack seem to think it was a brazen attack and even went out of their way to hurt it."

"I know.......Fluttershy told me what they did," Rainbow said, looking away in sadness, "If only I didn't try to show off."

"Don't say that Rainbow, the creature could have walked into Ponyville without meeting you and still be attacked by the locals."

"What makes you say that?"

"Ponyville has a reputation for being unwelcoming to outsiders.....even ponies."

"Really?"

I nodded, "Go on the streets of Canterlot, Manehatten, Fillydelphia, Vanhoover and so on and Ponyville is generally looked down upon for their xenophobic, racist attitudes."

Rainbow looked hurt by the news, "Are we really that bad?"

"That's just what I've heard in my time in those cities. Given how I've been treated since I got here.......you can't say they don't have a point."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to change everypony's attitude. We're at the hospital by the way."

"Thanks, you coming in?"

"Why? Need a big girl to hold your hoof?" she snickered.

I rolled my eyes, "Very funny."

"Sure I'll come in, I did witness what happened after all."

"I will be reporting the matter to the police by the way."

"I can understand that, Applejack will be pissed off though."

"She should have thought of that before assaulting me."

The two of us walked into the hospital entrance and up to the front desk, the stallion on duty looked up.

"Welcome to Ponyville, I'm Nurse Tender Care. How can I help you today?"

Rainbow spoke up for me, "Hey, my friend here was attacked and needs checking over, just to be sure there isn't damage."

The Nurse looked at me, "How and where were you attacked?"

"I was bucked by the hind legs of an overly aggressive farm pony on my barrel."

"Is there any pain now?"

"Yes, a fair amount. It hurts a little more when I walk."

"Hmmmm, I'll go and get your doctor. Who is it?"

"I'm not registered with any GP here, I just moved to Ponyville."

"OK," he replied before rummaging behind the desk for something. After a few seconds he put some forms on the desk.

"Fill these in while I find a doctor, is any doctor OK?"

"Yeah that's fine."

The nurse nodded and went away, leaving me to fill in the forms with Rainbow watching.

"How long will this take to fill out?" I asked.

"Not long, they just need your name, address, National Insurance number, age, gender and so on."

"Well I don't have an address yet."

"You can give them a correspondence address until you move into your workshop."

I nodded and filled the form in, which was surprisingly simple and straightforward. No sooner had I finished had the nurse returned with what I assumed was a Doctor.

"Greetings Mr Apollo, I'm Doctor Horse."

What is it with pony names?

"Nurse Tender Care has informed me of your condition, would you like to come to my room?"

"Sure, Rainbow can come as well, she saw what happened."

"Very well. If you'd follow me."

Rainbow and I followed him to his room and sat ourselves on the bed while he closed the door. He came over to us and immediately began with the questions.

"So, tell me again what the problem is?"

"Angry cowgirl bucked me hard in my barrel. There's pain and a little more when I move."

"I'd like to run a blood test if that's OK with you?"

"That's fine."

"Very well, if you could lie back on the bed while I fetch a nurse to assist. I won't be long."

"Sure." 

The Doctor left the room, leaving me with Rainbow who had landed on the floor, clearing the bed allowing me to lie down.

"You OK?" asked Rainbow.

"A little queasy."

"Not surprising considering how hard Applejack bucked you. Do you think they'll do any other tests?"

"They might have me go through an x-ray."

"Will that find anything?"

"Probably not, x-rays only indicate internal bleeding."

We waited about a minute or so before the doctor and a nurse returned with her artificial vampire equipment.

"If you could hold up your left foreleg please," asked the nurse.

I did so and she set about putting the equipment in place and inserting the needle into my vein. Rainbow grimaced at the sight but I took it in my stride. I've had blood taken before, once after I collapsed in the kitchen after having a drink. Immediately after swallowing I couldn't breath and after about three seconds I passed out. I woke several seconds later to see myself on the floor and my dad helping me up.

I remember dreaming as well while I was out cold.

Anyway, later on I was having an ECG (electrocardiograph graph) test and blood taken.

Nothing was wrong fortunately, only the £40 taxi fare home.

Anyway I got the all clear that time.

After a few minutes the nurse took the blood filled tubes and took it over to the doctor. The doctor himself walked over to me.

"While the results are coming in I'd like to run a heart rate check, if that's OK?"

Uh oh.

This was bad.

Whilst I was turned into a pony I retained several human traits. Canine teeth, my ability to not give a shit......and a human heart rate.

Human heart rates are higher than horses. An average heart rate for a horse at rest is between 32-36 beats per minute. An average resting human heart rate is between 60-100 betas per minute.

The doctor would know straight away something was up, the only doctor who knew was the Princess' private physician.

"Errrrr..."

"You don't have to," the doctor continued, "But it could help us in helping you."

I mulled over it for a few seconds.

"Come on buddy, I'm here if you need me," Rainbow added.

They'd probably find out eventually.......

I sighed deeply, "OK, go ahead."

The doctor took his stethoscope in his magic and levitated it towards me.

"If you could sit on your haunches and relax please."

I did as he asked and felt his stethoscope touch my fur, the seriousness of the situation preventing me from giggling at the ticklish touch.

"Hmmm, this can't be right," the doctor said.

Damn.

He placed his stethoscope on his own chest and then back to where my heart is.

"Mr Apollo, do you have any pre-existing conditions?"

"I have an unusually high heart rate, it's never been a problem so I've never seen reason to see anypony about it."

"This is more than just unusually high Mr Apollo, your resting heart rate is almost twice that of the average pony."

"Whoah dude! Are you sure you're OK?" asked Dash, looking gravely concerned.

"Honestly, it's not a- *BLURGH*."

I unintentionally vomited all over the doctor's floor. And it wasn't sick either.

It was blood.

"That settles it, you're staying here until we can work out what's wrong with you."

"But-"

"No but's Mr Apollo, something is seriously wrong with you and we must find out what."

"I refuse medical treatment."

"Dude, don't be an idiot!" Rainbow said fiercely, "You need medical attention!"

"But I don't want everyone....I mean everypony knowing-"

I stopped myself before I made anymore vocal slip-ups.

"Knowing what?" asked Rainbow, "If this is about what's just happened then you have nothing to worry about. I won't say anything and neither will the nurse or doctor."

"But-"

"But what?" Rainbow asked.

I slumped down on my haunches again, knowing there was little I could do to get away.

"Mr Apollo, if there is internal bleeding and you don't permit us to treat you, your body may lose enough circulating red blood cells to compromise oxygen delivery to cells your body, causing your organs to fail which could result in your death."

"Fine," I said quietly, "I'll stay."

Rainbow, the doctor and nurse all looked relieved to hear that.

"If you follow the nurse, she'll show you to a bed. We'll set up the scanning equipment as soon as possible."

"Sure," I replied before turning to Rainbow, "What about you Dash, what are you doing now?"

"I'm not leaving until I see you in bed."

"That's not necessary, I said I will stay."

"I know, I'm just hanging around just to be sure."

I slowly got off the bed and stepped onto the floor, avoiding the pool of my blood vomit. As soon as all four hooves were on the floor, I began to feel dizzy; fortunately, I felt the doctor's magic envelope me.

"I'll take him to the bed nurse, if you can run ahead to open the doors."

"Of course doctor."

I didn't bother objecting to the doctor carrying me, the abdominal pain was too great. Just like the first time Applejack kicked me there.

After a couple of minutes I was placed gently in a soft, comfy bed in a private room, and had the quilt draped over me.

"Get plenty of rest Mr Apollo, and don't worry; you're in good hooves," the doctor said.

"I'll see you around buddy, do you want me to tell the others you're here?"

I nodded, "Yeah please. I don't want visits from Applejack or Twilight though."

"Sure, what about Pinkie?"

"She can only come if she doesn't get too 'Pinkie', if you get what I mean."

"Yeah, I get ya. See you around buddy."

Rainbow flew away, leaving me with the doctor and nurse.

"I'll make sure Miss Applejack and Miss Twilight are added to the blocked list for you. I assume it was Miss Applejack who assaulted you?"

I nodded.

"I'll need to inform the police. If you excuse me Mr Apollo, I'll see to that while the nurse sets up the scanning equipment. Hopefully you won't be waiting too long."

The doctor and nurse left the room leaving me alone, giving me plenty of time to wonder how long it would be before they worked out what I am. Or who I was. I got the feeling I would need to tell Rainbow, much sooner than I planned, if I ever planned to tell her at all.

I could only imagine the looks on the faces of Applejack and Twilight when they eventually find out who I am.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Meanwhile at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was bucking some trees. It had been about an hour or so since the incident with Apollo, and the farm pony showed no remorse over her actions.

"Stupid bucking idiot, who does he think he is talkin' to me like that?" she moaned to herself, "He talks to me like that again I'll buck 'im even harder!"

Just then she heard somepony harrumphing.

She turned around, assuming it was Apollo, ready to yell at him and demand an apology for how he behaved towards her earlier, both in the town square and in Barnyard Bargains.

Her angry glare was wiped off when she saw three uniformed police officers approach.

"Miss Applejack?" the centre officer asked.

"Yes?"

"I am Sergeant Long Arm, I am placing you under arrest for grievous bodily harm of the unicorn by the name of Apollo. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

He motioned to his constables to approach Applejack.

"Now jus' wait one apple buckin' minute!"

"Unless you wish to add breaching section 5 of the Public Order Act and resisting arrest then be quiet and comply with my officers."

Applejack did as she was told (for once) and was put in hoof cuffs by the officers. The sergeant approached them, "Bring her to the cart, we'll take her to Canterlot."

He then turned to Applejack, "You'll be seeing the magistrate tomorrow, maybe the day after."

"You can't do this!"

"Yes I can, I'm an officer of the law, and you, according to multiple witnesses, have broken the law. We even heard you just now saying how you'll 'buck him even harder next time'."

"I hardly ever touched him."

"The stallion in question is in hospital with internal bleeding.....and you have just confessed to the crime."

"So what, you can't prove I said it."

"Actually we can, you see these crystals on our chest armour? They record everything we see and do."

Applejack only had one word as the implications of her actions dawned on her.

"Buck."
> Chapter - 4 - Visitors
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

EARLIER IN THE DAY

Celestia had just left the town centre having spoken to Apollo, teleporting in front of Twilight's library. She had witnessed an argument between Apollo and Twilight which resulted in Twilight running away in tears, upset by what Apollo said to her. Whilst he didn't intend to upset her, she was none the less disappointed by his lack of tact.

She understood his anger towards some of her subjects considering what some of them did, and why he was reluctant to befriend them; but she remained hopeful that one day they could all put their differences aside and embrace mutual friendship.

Celestia approached the door and knocked. After a few seconds the door opened, but Celestia saw not her faithful student, but her number one assistant.

"Princess Celestia!"

"Hello Spike," she said with a smile, "May I come in?"

"Sure."

The drake stood aside and allowed the Princess to enter. He closed the door and ran in front of Celestia.

"Is this about Twilight?"

Celestia nodded, "Yes." 

"She ran into the library and ran straight up to her room, crying."

"May I go up to her?" asked Celestia.

"Sure."

"Thank you Spike, you are a most excellent assistant."

Spike gushed at the praise and stood aside, allowing Celestia to go upstairs. As she got to the top of the stairs, she could hear the sobs of her student. She quietly approached her bedroom door and slowly opened it.

"Twilight?"

Entering the room she could see Twilight laid on on the bed, her forelegs wrapped around a pillow of which her face was buried in. And sobbing into.

"Twilight?" Celestia repeated softly, gently shaking her with a hoof.

Twilight lifted her head, "Princess?"

"Yes Twilight, it's me."

Twilight dried the tears fro her eyes and looked up to her mentor, "Princess, why does Apollo hate me?"

Celestia sighed deeply. She had a very good idea why Apollo hated her student, a feeling she hoped wouldn't fester and consume him.

"Twilight, please understand that Apollo has been forced out of his home and has no-pony he can call family. I do not believe he hates you, but is merely angry about his situation."

"But why is he taking it out on me? What did I ever do to him?" she sobbed, more tears falling.

Celestia knew what she had done, but per a request from Apollo; she didn't immediately admonish Twilight and instead acquiesced to Apollo's idea, believing it would teach Twilight and the other residents of Ponyville a valuable lesson, and help Apollo integrate into Equestrian society and see it's not at all like he believes it is.

"I do not believe I am the pony to tell you Twilight."

Twilight hopped down from the bed, landing on her hooves, "But I assume you're telling me Apollo is?"

Celestia nodded, "Yes. If you truly wish to become friends with him, then talk to him. Try to find out what his interests are, ask him about his homeland, or even the language he speaks."

"He won't ever tell me how to speak that language, whatever it is."

"Have you asked him?"

"No."

"Then how do you know?"

"I suppose I could try," she replied before sighing tiredly, "I guess I've been a little antagonistic towards him."

"For what reason?" asked Celestia in a calm manner.

"I told him about the monster attack a few weeks ago. He seems to think we're in the wrong for how we treated it and that we misunderstood the situation and overreacted."

"And you think it is Apollo that misunderstands?"

"Yes. He wasn't there so how could he know?"

Celestia didn't reply to the rhetorical question, instead allowing Twilight to continue speaking.

"Speaking of the monster, have you heard any more about it?"

Celestia badly wanted to tell Twilight the truth, but her promise to Apollo prevented her.

"There have been no more sightings of the creature you describe, and no reports of disturbances."

"How can that be though? The monster attacked Rainbow Dash, it's a violent creature that needs to be locked away so it can't hurt anypony."

Celestia was quite surprised to hear this in person. She had truly believed that the ponies who helped Apollo had been exaggerating when they sent her their reports keeping her updated on the situation in Ponyville. She knew all to well that in the past that Twilight had a very narrow view on things, and thought such a mindset no longer existed when she began her studies in Ponyville.

Before she could reply to Twilight, the door downstairs burst open. Startling both Twilight and Celestia, the both heard the hard stomping of hooves pound up the stairs and to the room they occupied. The door opened revealing one of Celestia's guards.

"Beg pardon ma'am, but an incident has occurred in the town square."

"What happened?"

"The unicorn Apollo was assaulted by the Element of Honesty."

"WHAT?!" screamed Twilight, accidentally startling both the guard and Celestia.

"The Element of Honesty bucked Apollo in his abdomen. He was last seen being taken to the hospital by the Element of Loyalty."

Celestia resisted the urge to facehoof. 

"Where is the Element of Honesty now?"

"She was seen returning to her farm. Police officers are already on their way to arrest her."

"WHAT?!" Twilight screamed again, and again startling the guard and Celestia.

"Twilight please stop screaming like that," Celestia asked politely.

"Sorry Princess," Twilight replied, blushing a little in embarrassment, "I was just surprised to hear that."

Celestia turned back to her guard, "Ready my chariot, I'll be returning to Canterlot at once."

"Yes ma'am," replied the guard, who promptly left.

"Princess, are you not doing anything to help Applejack?"

"I cannot, my faithful student."

"But why?" Twilight asked, clearly worried for her friend.

"Twilight, I understand your feelings, but if I get personally involved it would create a conflict of interest."

"Is there anything you can do?" Twilight asked in increasing desperation.

"I'm afraid not, but Apollo has the right to drop charges as he is the one who was assaulted."

Twilight sighed dejectedly, "I can't see him doing that."

Celestia smiled and gently placed a hoof under Twilight's chin, gently pulling her face upwards, "Twilight, do not despair. I'm sure if you talk to Apollo you may find a way to convince him to drop charges against Applejack."

Celestia removed her hoof and watched as her student mulled over her words.

"I suppose," Twilight started, "Well, when he was in my lab yesterday he showed interested in the items we found on the monster, I suppose I could offer him them in return for dropping charges against Applejack."

"It's possible, but I advise against referring to the creature as a monster."

"But why?"

"Apollo has shown great agitation to such a description. Angering him will not get you the result you desire."

"I suppose so. Sorry Princess, it's just that my friend got hurt by......whatever it was."

"I understand your worry Twilight, but please don't allow your anger cloud your judgement on the matter."

"I won't."

"Excellent. Anyway, I must leave now. Goodbye my faithful student."

"Goodbye Princess," Twilight replied, giving her mentor a hug.

Celestia left the room, leaving Twilight alone for all of a few seconds before Spike came running in.

"Hey Twi, you OK?"

"I'm OK Spike."

"Great, are you hungry? I feel like having some pancakes."

A small smile formed on Twilight's lips, "That sounds great Spike, are you having syrup with yours?"

"When do I not?"

Twilight giggled, "Hey Spike, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you......do you think we were wrong with how we treat the mons.......creature a few weeks ago?"

Spike began shifting around uncomfortably on his feet and nervously playing with his tail.

"Errrrrrr, maybe?"

"Please Spike, I promise I won't be mad."

Spike didn't immediately answer and spent a few more seconds nervously shifting around. A gentle hoof on his shoulder helped ease his nerves.

"OK," he replied, smiling at Twilight's reassuring care, "I think ponies in this town overreacted and didn't let the creature explain himself. Every time he tried to speak he got something thrown at him, until Applejack gagged him."

"But it attacked Rainbow Dash!"

"Maybe, but according to Rainbow and Fluttershy, the attack was more out of fear and delirium due to being attacked repeatedly by Timbervolves, and not having enough food and water."

Twilight had heard those arguments from the ponies in question themselves.

"Rainbow Dash had a concussion, it could have affected her memory."

"She got the all clear from the doctor."

"But-"

"Twilight, I know this has upset you, but it's like you're looking for any reason to avoid accepting you may be wrong about the creature."

"Is that what you really think?" she asked, close to tears again.

Spike nodded meekly. He didn't want to upset his adoptive big sister, but on the same token he could never lie to her.

Twilight's head, and heart sank. Even her number one assistant and little brother believed she was in the wrong.

Concerned for his adoptive big sister, he gently lifted her head up, "Don't get down about it Twi, everypony makes mistakes. Maybe one day you'll see the creature again."

"Maybe, though I don't know how I'd react."

"You could always get him to show you what those items are."

"Maybe, but I doubt he'd want to show himself in Ponyville again."

"You called the creature 'he', not an 'it'."

Twilight smiled, "Yeah, I suppose it's the polite thing to do. Now, about those pancakes?"

"Way ahead of you Twi."





*BACK TO 1ST PERSON PERSPECTIVE*

I had just left the scanning room having had Doctor Horse and other unicorn nurses perform a CT-like scan on my body, and was being wheeled back to my room whilst the doctors and nurses examined the results. 

I still wasn't sure what to tell them about my unusual-for-ponies heart rate, blood pressure and what not. Maybe I could tell them it's natural for ponies where I come from, but then they'd ask about my homeland and one lie would lead to another. 

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

I decided that I'd tell them the truth up to a point, though considering doctor/patient confidentiality I could, and probably should tell him the entire truth. I already have a medical file in this world that states my transformation, so it's not like he wouldn't be able to access it. 

Before I could mull over a decision any longer, the door opened.

"Mr Apollo, we have your results," Doctor Horse said.

"That was quick."

"We pride ourselves on efficiency. Anyway would you like to hear your results?"

"Go ahead."

Doctor Horse levitated out the scan and held them up to the light.

"As you can see, what is most startling is your slightly different anatomy. For starters, your stomach is uniform and not bi-sectional, and larger than a pony's, you also have a gall bladder, canine teeth and earlier on my room, displayed retroperistalsis."

Damn.

Damn and damn again.

What he's done is explain some of the differences between humans and horses. 

Speaking of which, can ponies in this world breath through their mouths?

"Also, about your heart. Not only is your resting heart rate higher than a pony, there are also differences in the way your heart contracts the cardiac muscle fibres."

The doctor went off describing the the differences between a pony heart and my heart. I didn't really understand anything he said, all the medical lingo going over my head. I just did the polite thing by nodding occasionally, at least giving the impression I understood. 

"Anything else?" I asked.

"Yes," the doctor replied, pointing to the pictures with a pointing stick, "You have glands that release acids to break down food while ponies don't, and your cecum is non-functional, it only being a part of your large intestine seemingly without a purpose."

I breathed deeply through my nose. It seemed I had little choice but to tell him the truth.

"It's called an appendix."

"I'm sorry?" asked the doctor.

"My non-functioning cecum, it's called an appendix."

"Is it normal for ponies where you're from?"

"No."

Normal for humans though.

"Are you saying you have birth defects?"

"No."

"Then what are you saying?"

I sighed deeply. This is it, the moment of truth.

"Do you remember that creature from a few weeks back?"

"That bipedal primate?"

"..........that was me."

The doctor blinked, "Come again?"

"That bipedal primate, called a human, was me."

"Y-y-you w-were that.....human?" the doctor spluttered, not dismissing my crazy sounding claim.

"Yes, but before you scream and run for the hills....please hear me out."

The doctor shakily nodded.

"Thank you. Yes that was me, but I did NOT attack Rainbow. I originally appeared in the Everfree Forest, though I didn't know that at the time. I had no idea where I was so I just picked a random direction and began walking, only to repeatedly get attacked by Timberwolves. I managed to keep fighting them off but every time they came back there seemed to be more of them."

"How did you fight them?"

"With my fists. It's all I could use to fight back."

"Fluttershy said you were malnourished and dehydrated."

I laughed, "Yeah, only after did I safely get out of Ponyville did I remember I had food and drink in my bags."

"Why did you not have them in the forest then?"

"I guess I was too occupied keeping a lookout for TImberwolves."

"Understandable."

"What now though?" I asked, "What are you going to do?"

"That depends?"

"On what?"

"Does Princess Celestia know who you are?"

"She was the one who transformed me into a pony."

"Why did she do that?"

I looked away from the doctor, feeling ashamed for my decision, "Because I asked her to."

"Why would you do that?" asked the bewildered doctor.

"After telling the Princess what happened, she informed me that without knowing how I got to Equestria, it would be very difficult in working out how to send me home. The reason I chose to be a pony was because I didn't want a repeat of what happened in Ponyville, I felt that becoming a pony was the only way I'd be able to live a somewhat peaceful life. Considering I'm in hospital after being assaulted, it seems I was wrong."

The doctor just stood there, absorbing everything I was telling him. 

"If the Princess transformed you into a pony, why are your internal organs and vitals not that of a pony."

"I'm not sure, but my vitals are what's normal for a human, including my internal organs such as my uniform stomach and lack of a caecum."

"About your lack of a cecum and presence of canine teeth, am I right to assume your are an omnivore?"

"Yes, so to answer your next question I need to eat meat to remain healthy."

"I understand, but don't worry; I won't judge you for your dietary requirements. Have you been getting meat since you transformed?"

"Yeah, though I was reluctant to have anything from a cow at first. In my world, humans are the only sapient beings; so hearing a cow talk when in my world they're just animals......"

The doctor chuckled, "I can imagine how shocking that must have been."

"Yeah, it took a bit of talking to convince me they were OK with having their dead carcasses chopped up and eaten by carnivorous creatures."

"Most cows do sign up to that, their reasoning being their dead bodies would rot away anyway, so why not put their dead bodies to good use."

"A bit like organ donation."

"Exactly, though like organ donation, you need to wait until they die."

"That's a morbid statement if ever there was one."

"Indeed, now about your injury."

"Yes, how long do I have doc?"

The doctor rolled his eyes, "I'm very sorry to tell you Mr Apollo that with your injuries, you have around 120 years to live."

"Damn, it's really that bad?"

"I'm afraid so," he replied with mock sadness, "It seems there's no internal bleeding or damage to your organs."

"Oh good, I still vomited on your floor though."

"Yes, I must say it's an odd sight to see a pony vomit."

"There's a first time for everything."

"Indeed, anyway we would like to keep you in overnight just in case."

"OK, would it be possible to get something to eat?"

"Of course, I'd recommend the vegetable soup."

"I'll have that then, and a cup of tea as well if that's OK."

"Certainly, I'll go and inform the kitchen. I'll be back later to check up on you."

"Sure, see you around Doctor."

The doctor left and closed the door, giving me a bit of privacy. Because of Equestria's lack of technological advancement, there wasn't a TV I could watch re-runs of 80's and 90's TV game shows on. There wasn't a radio either. Only newspapers were available, so with nothing better to do I picked one up with my magic, the Manehatten Times, and began reading.

It's certainly a wordy newspaper, not like certain tabloids that are more pictures and adverts than actual words. 

I wasn't reading long before there was a knock at the door.

"Enter."

The door opened and in walked a nurse, pushing a trolley. The approached the side of my bed, levitated the tray table up to me and placed what was obviously my food on the table. They removed the lid revealing my vegetable soup and crusty baguette, along with my cup of tea.

"Here you are sir, enjoy."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome sir."

The nurse left me with my food, only to be soon joined by the doctor, Fluttershy and Rarity.

"Sorry to disturb you again so soon, but these mares wished to see you."

"Let them in," I said. 

I'd rather not have visitors but seeing as Fluttershy knew of my situation, I saw no reason to send her away. I don't know if Rarity knew, but decided against saying anything regardless. Whilst she didn't chase or attack me when I was human, she didn't exactly help me either.

And I couldn't determine how she'd react. From what I've heard she could be quite.....dramatic at times.

"How are you feeling?" asked Fluttershy, sitting on a chair beside the bed, along with Rarity.

"A little rough still, I'll probably feel better after my eating my soup."

"Oh no! Did we come at a bad time?" Fluttershy asked worriedly.

"No no, a bit of company might do me good right now."

That wasn't entirely true, but I saw no reason to be rude to either of them.

"So, what can I do for you ladies?"

"Well we just wanted to see if you were OK," Fluttershy replied.

"I've felt better. What's happened to your slack jawed yokel friend?"

The pair looked a little uneasy at each other, probably uncomfortable with me referring to their stupid friend like that.

"She...." Rarity started, "She was er.......arrested."

I tried. I really really tried.

But I just couldn't help it.

I burst into the most hearty belly laugh that could curl your hair. I clutched my sides I was laughing so much. While laughing, I managed to catch a glimpse of the two mares, neither of which looked amused at my jocular reaction.

"Have you finished?" Rarity asked with a hint of venom.

"Sorry," I snickered, "But hearing that Flapjack got arrested was too much."

"Applejack," Rarity replied, "Her name is Applejack. I know you don't like her, admittedly for viable reasons, but please call her by her proper name."

"Whatever."

Rarity looked at me a little pissed, and she looked like she was about to say something when Fluttershy butted in.

"Apollo, please don't talk to Rarity like that."

I sighed, "Sorry Fluttershy."

"That's OK," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"So, what do you girls want to talk about?"

"Maybe you could tell us a little about your home; if you want to, that is," Fluttershy suggested, hiding behind her mane.

"Sure, what do you want to know?"

"What is your home called?" she asked.

"Well, I was born in a city called St Petersburg; a city in the Russian Federation. Or Russia for short."

"Is it like Equestria?"

I shook my head, "There's a few similarities, but for the most part, Russia is nothing like Equestria. For starters as you've already heard, we have a different language."

"Yes we've heard it," Rarity replied, "It certainly is a most unusual language. Do you think you could teach us how to speak it?"

"Maybe, but Russian is quite difficult for native speakers of Equestrian. What with the grammar and the larger number of letters. Equestrian has 26 letters whereas Russian has 33, and Russian script while having some similar looking letters, are pronounced differently; and then there's letters that look out of this world."

The mares giggled, not realising how literal I was actually being.

"Anything else you want to know?" I asked, "What the weather's like maybe?"

"Is it like Equestria?" asked Fluttershy.

I shook my head and laughed, "Мой Бог Нет!" (Moy Bog Nyet! Good God no!)

"What do you mean by that?" asked Rarity.

"What I mean is Equestria is vastly smaller than Russia. Yes you have desert to the south and a freezing wilderness to the north, but they pale in comparison to Russia. Equestria is a mere 200,000 square miles in size, Russia is over 6.5 million square miles."

Rarity and Fluttershy were shocked to the cores and their mouths resembling a cod fish.

"S-s-s-x and a h-half m-million," Rarity mumbled quietly.

"Yep, given her enormous size the climate varies wildly but it's mostly a humid continental climate. In my birth city of St Petersburg, summers would average around 20 degrees Celsius, whereas winters would average  around -10 Celsius. It's even gone as low as -35 before."

"That's colder than the Crystal Empire!" Rarity screeched, "How do you ponies survive?"

"We're Russians. It's normal for us."

"Haven't your weather ponies ever thought about making it less cold?" Fluttershy asked.

"What?" I asked, completely confused at the question.

"Your weather ponies," Fluttershy repeated, "Couldn't they have made things less cold?"

"What do you mean 'make things less cold'? We have no control over the weather."

The two mares gasped in shock.

"You mean it's like the Everfree Forest?!" they both said at the same time.

"The weather does it's own thing in Russia, why? Do you actually control the weather here?"

"Yes, how else would the weather change?" Fluttershy said, as if it their way was the only one known to them.

"Let it do it's own thing?" I suggested, "Next you'll be telling me even your animals need to be looked after and told when to hibernate."

The two mares looked at each other and then back to me.

"The animals do need our help," Fluttershy said.

I said nothing for a few seconds, instead just blinking as the stupidity of what I just heard sunk in.

"Are your animals retarded?"





Well that could have gone better. As soon as I asked that question Fluttershy burst into tears and ran out of the room. Rarity followed her but not before she gave me a piercing glare, calling me a 'brute', and then promising I would regret making Fluttershy cry.

Thinking back I could have worded the question better.

It sounded like I was referring to Fluttershy's animals specifically, not Equestria's animals as a whole.

Who are retarded.

On a positive note I did at least get to finish my soup before it went cold.

Just in time though when I received a knock at the door.

"Visiting hours are over!" I yelled back.

The door opened regardless.

"I said visiting hours are over so why don't you fu-"

I stopped myself when I saw who was standing there, scowling fiercely at me.

"Why don't I what...













...my little pony?"
> Chapter - 5 - Karma
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well?" Celestia repeated, raising an eyebrow impatiently.

I realised I'd been stock still for several seconds, not answering her question. After nearly telling her to fu-

"Will you answer my question Vladimir!"

Uh oh, she called me Vladimir.

Yep, she's definitely pissed off.

"I was errr......going to suggest....that you errr...." I babbled, making a fool of myself.

"That I what?" she asked as she slowly walked up to the bed.

"......invite your lovely self in for a cup of tea?"

Celestia looked down at me, still with an eyebrow raised. I don't like to admit it but I was quite scared of her right then, she could be quite intimidating when she wanted to be. Especially now when she towered over me, whereas before when I was still human I stood eye level with her.

"Really? Because I was under the impression you were about to tell me to....well I won't say what you were going to say; But you should be glad you didn't."

"What would have happened to me if I did?"

Celestia's frown turned into a smile, "So you admit it."

My eyes widened in realisation.

Damn.

I pouted in annoyance at being outsmarted, which only resulted in Celestia giggling at my pouty expression.

"Seriously though," I said, "What would you have done?"

"Put you on the naughty step for a hundred years."

"You don't have naughty step, you're just joking."

"Am I?" she responded, with a perfect poker face, "Anyway, I believe you know why I'm here."

"Is it about the doctor knowing about who I am?"

"No, he would have discovered your 'situation' whenever he accessed your medical file."

"Is it.....about Wabbajock bucking me in the barrel?"

Celestia frowned slightly, "This doesn't involve Applejack."

"Is it about.....the price of tea going up?"

"WHAT?!"

I nodded my head, "Yeah, it went up to one bit fifty pence per pound."

"Sweet me, I guess that explains the now noticeable fewer cups of tea I'm served in the castle. I seems I have no option but to increase the royal tea budget."

"You have a tea budget?"

"Indeed I do. From what you told me when we first met, I would have thought that you of all ponies would understand the importance of tea."

"England lives on it."

"Quite. But back to the matter at hoof. You know why I am here," she said, looking seriously at me again.

I huffed in annoyance, "How is it my fault if your fluffy subjects are all overly sensitive delicate little snowflakes who can't handle a little joke."

Celestia frowned once more, "Asking my subject if her animals are retarded is not, as you put it, a little joke."

"I wasn't referring to Fluttershy's animals, I was referring to all Equestrian animals."

"How does that make it better?" 

Great.

Now she's trying to make me feel guilty.

To be honest, I did a bit. After all, Fluttershy was one of the ponies to help me. And her kind and gentle nature made it impossible for any decent person to intentionally hurt her in any way. I think Celestia noticed my guilt because the next thing I felt was Celestia's hoof under my chin, gently pulling it up.

"Listen to me Apollo," she said in her sweet, motherly voice, "I'm not angry with you. Disappointed, yes; but angry, no. I know you didn't intend to hurt Fluttershy's feelings, but you must remember my subjects live in a peaceful world where crime, violence, poverty and war and virtually non-existent."

"I know," I replied, sighing, "I'm just.....angry about what's happened to me over the past few weeks. I no longer have a family or any friends....I'm alone."

"Apollo, listen to me," Celestia said firmly, "No pony is EVER alone in Equestria!"

"I am though," I said glumly, "Thanks to you."

Sunbutt recoiled slightly, flinching, "I did what I had to."

"You did what you wanted to do. It's a pity that your student, studying 'friendship'," I continued, using my hooves to mimic inverted commas, prompting a frown again from Celestia, "Is too much of a sycophant and a racist to embrace other cultures or think for herself. Or see you for the monster that you are."

"Apollo," Celestia said with a disapproving tone, very much like only a mother would use, "My student is neither a racist, nor a sycophant nor am I a monster."

"Really? Everything she does seems only to please you, and considering my initial arrival and her refusal to listen to reason to a non-pony being does make her look like a racist. Are you aware of the incident with Zecora?"

Celestia sighed, "Yes, I am. And I received a Friendship report-"

I couldn't help but snicker at that. Celestia frowned again, but continued what she way saying.

"-I received a Friendship report telling me how she and her friends learned their lesson in never judging a book by its cover."

"Well Twilight didn't learn that lesson as well as you think she did."

Celestia sighed deeply, "Apollo, I know what you think of Twilight, but I assure you she is a nice pony at heart. If you just give her a chance and open up to her, I'm sure you'll see that to."

"Open up to her? You mean tell her my deepest, darkest secrets and let her know everything about me? Which she will then relay to you?"

"That'a not quite what I-"

"You sound like the KGB. You're not one of their sleeper agents, are you?"

"I, I don't even know what the KGB is."

"Комите́т госуда́рственной безопа́сности."  (Komitet gosudarstvennoy bezopasnosti)

Celestia just blinked at me. I was honestly under the impression she understood Russian.

"Committee for State Security," I repeated.

"Ohhhhh, what were they like?"

"Well put it this way, you did not want to be paid a visit by them," I said in a dead serious tone.

"Why?"

"People who were taken away by the KGB were usually never seen again."

"Surely you jest?"

"No. Times were brutal under the hammer and sickle, I was fortunate enough to be born near the end of the Soviet Union; I actually remember glasnost, perestroika and the eventual dissolution of the USSR itself."

"USSR?" queried Celestia.

"The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics; or in Russian, Союз Советских Социалистических Республик."  (Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik)

"What was it like?"

"Awful. I'd rather not talk about it."

At that moment I felt Celestia wrap a foreleg around me and gently nuzzle me.

Damn it felt nice.

"Very well; but if you ever do want to talk, just ask Spike to send your message to me. Or come to Canterlot yourself even, my door will always be open to you."

"Спасибо Celestia." (Spasibo Celestia - Thank you Celestia)

"Пожалуйста Аполлон." (Pozhaluysta Apollon - You're welcome Apollo)

My eyes widened. I looked up but Celestia was already walking away, that and my brain was frozen from Celestia's Russian response. 

I didn't know she could speak Russian.

Or maybe she's just trolling me.

Either way, I'd need to keep a closer eye on her; like the way the NKVD and later KGB kept an eye on intellectuals.

"When you leave hospital, do you think you could visit Fluttershy and apologise?" Celestia asked.

I just nodded.

"Thank you. Anyway, I'll leave now and let you get your rest. Goodbye Apollo."

"Whatever."





After Celestia left, I had another visit from the doctor to check on how I was doing. Apart from the damage caused by Applejack, there was no change in my condition. The doctor and his staff used more magic to further heal the damage done, though fortunately it wasn't as bad as first thought; it just felt worse than it was.

I decided to get an early night and fell asleep rather quickly.

I had a decent breakfast of cheese spread on toasted bagels and a glass of orange juice, and soon afterwards I was allowed to get out of bed and on my way to get discharged. The doctor did want me to return in a few days for another check up, to which I reluctantly agreed.

After I left the hospital, I first made my way over to Fluttershy's cottage to apologise. I walked up the cobblestone path and over the little bridge, approaching the front door with a little nervousness.

Rarity might be there.

With trepidation, I knocked on the door.

I heard the clopping of hooves get louder followed by a click.

The door opened revealing the pony I feared most at the time.

"Oh, it's you," Rarity said harshly, a stinging tone in her voice, "What do you want?"

"Hi Rarity, is Fluttershy in?"

"Why do you want to know? Are you wanting to make her cry again?"

"No! I actually want to apologise for yesterday, I didn't mean for it to happen," I replied, trying  to look as guilty as possible. Very easy to do considering how expressionistic ponies are.

Rarity analysed me for several seconds before standing aside, "She's in the kitchen."

"Thank you," I replied, trotting past her.

Now inside, I quickly saw the kitchen and walked over to the doorway. Peering inside I saw Fluttershy at the sink washing some pots, she had yet to notice me.

"Fluttershy?"

"EEEP!"

A slightly frightened Fluttershy dropped the plate she was holding back in the sink and huddled into a ball on the floor, covering her head with her hooves.

"Fluttershy, don't worry; it's just me, Apollo."

Fluttershy peeked through her forelegs and saw me. She stood up and walked over, much calmer than before.

"Apollo? Shouldn't you be in hospital?"

"They let me out. The doctor wants me back in a few days to check up on me."

"Oh, so long as you're OK though."

There was an awkward silence as we both shuffled about on our hooves. Eventually though, one of us would have to speak.

"Fluttershy, I just want to apologise for what I said yesterday. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh, thank you. I know you didn't really mean it," she said timidly.

"I sometimes have the habit of saying the most stupid things without thinking first."

Fluttershy smiled sweetly and surprised me with a hug, "Don't worry Apollo, I forgive you."

I returned the hug (have I ever mentioned how fantastic pony hugs are?) and looked over to the dirty pots that still needed washing.

"Would you like help with the rest of your washing up?"

"Oh I couldn't ask you to do that."

I laughed a little, "No need to, I'm volunteering."

"OK, if you want to then I won't stop you."

I did help her and after about ten minutes we both finished and all the pots were put back.

"Thank you Apollo."

"You're welcome Fluttershy. So...what now?"

"Well, I was hoping you could help me with the Bunny census."

"The what?"

"The bunny census," Fluttershy repeated, "Every year I check how many new bunnies are living in Ponyville."

I take it back. The animals aren't retarded, the whole of this world is.

"And you want me to help you, how?"

"By double checking how many of each type of bunny there is, as well as their gender and where they live."

Bloody hell, next she'll be wanting me the check their tax returns.

"Will you help me?" she asked almost pleadingly.

I didn't want to, but if word got out that I made Fluttershy cry then then it wouldn't bode well for me.

"Fine," I answered reluctantly.

"Thank you!" Fluttershy squealed, hugging me, "But first we need you to get ready."

"Get ready? What do you mean?"

I regretted asking that.

I regretted agreeing to help....at least without conditions first.





"You look positively adorable darling," Rarity said as she admired her newest creation.

"I look ridiculous."

"You most certainly do NOT look ridiculous! You're an adorable Bunny-Colt."

Did I mention I was pretty much forced into wearing a full size Bunny outfit, apparently it was so that Fluttershy's stupid rabbits didn't feel intimidated by me. An absolute load of waffle with a huge dollop of syrup. What didn't help was Angel smirking in delight, if that little twat keeps it up he'll be swimming in brandy sauce.

Fortunately, the costume was a sky blue colour; had it been bright pink I don't think I'd have ever recovered from the ordeal.

"I am not a Bunny-Colt, I am a stallion of the Russian Federation! This outfit is stupid!"

Yet again I shot my mouth off. I nervously looked over to Rarity and saw her gritting her teeth and scowling fiercely. I was frozen in place as she walked slowly up to me, like a lioness ready to pounce on her prey.

"So....you think my outfit is stupid."

"No, I meant I look stupid wearing it," I nervously replied, retreating slightly, knowing full well that wasn't what I meant.

"Really, because I heard you say 'this outfit is stupid'."

She was right in my face now, her nose almost touching mine.

"Errrr, sorry?" I offered in a half arsed manner.

"You will be."

She lit up her horn, bathing me in the baby blue glow of her magic, quickly doing the same thing to Fluttershy.

"There," she said, extinguishing her magic.

"What did you do?"

"Now you have no choice but to wear it. I enchanted it to prevent you from removing it. Only I or Fluttershy can do so."

I lit up my horn in an attempt to remove the outfit but had no success.

"Don't bother trying to counter the spell darling, I'm exceptionally skilled at it. I have to be, especially when it comes to Rainbow and dresses."

"I demand you remove this at once!"

"I shall do no such thing. Not until you start behaving like a gentlecolt."

I sighed deeply, my face going bright red in embarrassment.

How could this get any worse?

I reluctantly began following Fluttershy out of her cottage, watched very closely by Rarity. Who had the smuggest of smug smirks on her face.

Just you wait until I get my revenge, Marshmallow.

As we were about the cross the small bridge over the stream, a pony who would never let me forget being dressed like I was, saw us.

"Hey Fluttershy."

"Hello Rainbow, how are you today?"

"I'm great. Hey do you know where Apollo is? He checked out of the hospital but I can't find him."

I tried to hide myself the best I could by looking down to the ground. Unfortunately, Fluttershy had other ideas.

"He's right here."

She stood aside and left me in full view of Rainbow. 

Dressed in a bright blue bunny costume.

Rainbow blinked a couple of times before bursting into laughter.

Fluttershy and I just stood and watched as Rainbow rolled around on her back, laughing her flank off. Tears were falling from her cheeks she was laughing so much.

After a few seconds, she eventually managed to compose herself, got herself up and began pinching my cheeks with her hooves; talking to me in a child like manner.

"Who's a cute little bunny rabbit?" she teased, "Who's a cute wittle bunny wabbit?"

Russian winters are more enjoyable than this.

"Why don't you join us?" I suggested.

"Nah. I'm busy......napping."

"If you have time to nap, you have time to help Fluttershy."

"No need, you're helping her," she said, snickering in delight at my attire.

"That doesn't mean you still can't help."

"Yeah, but if I did then I'd be too distracted laughing my flank off at your dorky outfit."

Uh-oh. You shouldn't have said that Rainbow.

"Dorky outfit?!" the seamstress mistress screeched, "Dorky!"

Rainbow looked behind her, over to Fluttershy's cottage and only then realised Rarity was stood in the door way. The prim and proper mare looking quite pissed off.

"Oh hi Rares, didn't see you there."

"Apparently not."

There was an awkward silence.

"I didn't actually mean the outfit you made was dorky," Rainbow said, trying to not quilt under Rarity's gaze, "I just meant Apollo looked like a dork wearing it."

"No," Rarity countered, "You specifically said my outfit was dorky."

".......so?" Rainbow replied, shrugging her shoulders.

I shuffled slowly closer to Fluttershy.

Or to be more precise I hid behind her, this wasn't going to end well.

"Fluttershy," Rarity said, "If you can hold on a few moments, you'll have another helper."

"OK," Fluttershy replied, "I have a Bunny costume that Rainbow can wear."

"WHAT?!" Rainbow screamed, "Screw that, I'm leaving!"

She didn't get very far as her entire body was enveloped in Rarity's magic.

"I won't be long darlings," Rarity said as she went back inside, taking Rainbow with her, "Come along Rainbow."

"NOOOOOO!" Rainbow screamed, trying in vain to fly away, "I DON'T WANNA BE A BUNNY RABBIT!"





Less than five minutes later, Rarity and Rainbow returned. The latter wearing a light pink bunny costume. With great reluctance, and a few firm prods from Rarity, Rainbow walked over.

"I am ready to help however I can," Rainbow said, trying to avoid eye contact with both myself and Fluttershy.

"Thank you Rainbow," Fluttershy replied, giving her friend a hug, "You look so adorable like that."

Fluttershy turned to walk away towards the first rabbit hole. Rainbow was now glaring fiercely at me as though it was my fault she was dressed as she was.

"Thanks a lot dude, now I look completely ridiculous!" 

"Don't blame me, it's not my fault! And in case you haven't noticed, I'm being humiliated too!"

"If the Wonderbolts see me like this then I'll never get in."

"Let's make a deal, we go through with this without complaint; and later we work together and find a way to get our own back. Deal?"

"Deal," she replied, the two of us sealing the deal with a hoof bump.





Three humiliating hours later, Rainbow and I were finally allowed out of those ridiculous costumes. Neither of use wasted any time in getting the hell away from Fluttershy and Rarity, and we both went to the relative safety of my hotel room.

I still wasn't sure though if I should tell Dash or not as to who I really was as I had no idea how she'd take it.

Anyway, we went into my hotel room and Rainbow immediately plonked herself on the bed.

"Comfortable?"

"Yeah, totally. So, what are you doing now?"

"Just relax probably. Or have something to eat first. You hungry?"

"I'm starving."

I went over to the kitchen area and got out the yum-yums I got the previous day. I levitated one over to Rainbow, "Want one?"

"Sure," she replied, taking it in her hooves.

"So, Apollo; what's it like where you're from?" she asked, stuffing the yum-yum into her cakehole.

"Very different. People aren't so soft or as easily offended."

"I hear you, ponies in Ponyville are nice and all; but they're so delicate and fragile."

"Not like you then?"

"Are you kidding? I'm awesome! I can handle anything!" she boasted, sticking her chest out.

"Anything?"

"Anything. You name it."

"What about meeting that creature again?"

"That would be awesome! I'd be able to show him all my cool moves! I mean, friends with an alien? Not even Daring Do has an alien friend!"

I blinked in confusion, "Who's Daring Do? Some sort of intergalactic hussy?"

In hindsight, I shouldn't have asked that question.
> Chapter - 6 - Me And My Big Mouth
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow glared daggers at me with clenched teeth. She slowly rose up to her hooves and slowly walked up to me. I looked around for an escape route, desperate to get away from Rainbow, convinced she would kill me.

"An intergalatic hussy?" she hissed, "WHY ARE YOU CALLING HER THAT?"

Slightly fearful of her anger, I pathetically whimpered out my response, "Because I don't know who she is."

"HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO DARING DO IS?"

She was right in my face, making me feel particularly scared. Who'd have thought a rainbow maned pastel pony could be scary? 

"Errrrrr, well......."

"Well what?!"

"She's not known in Russia. We've never heard of her."

"BUT SHE'S DARING DO!"

"So?"

"SO?!" Rainbow screeched angrily, "That's it. I'm taking you to my house and you're not leaving until I get it through to you who Daring Do is!"

"But I can't walk on clouds."

Rainbow scoffed, "Figures. Anyway it doesn't matter, my house doesn't have cloud floors, you'll be fine. I'll fly you to my place."

"But I don't want to go."

"I wasn't asking."

Before I could react, she picked me up and began to fly me back to her house. But Rainbow being Rainbow, acted before she thought things through, and flew into the closed door; a resounding thud reverberating throughout the room and a throbbing pain reverberating throughout my head.

"Damn it Rainbow," I whined, rubbing my head with my hooves, "Couldn't you have at least let me open the door first?" 





Eventually we were in her Cloudhouse, which to my surprise was quite extravagant; how rich was Rainbow to afford a place like this? I daren't think what the mortgage repayments are. One thing I was grateful for were the marble floors, meaning I could walk around freely without fear of plummeting to my death.

Rainbow had flown into the kitchen for some reason while I parked my plot on the sofa as ordered. I wasn't waiting long before she returned with two huge tubs of popcorn and a large drink of apple cider each.

"Dash?"

She hoofed me one of the tubs of popcorn and put the cider in the coffee table. 

"You're not leaving this place until you know who Daring Do is, and you're going to find out by watching the first film in the series."

"OK."

What other answer could I give? Free food and drink, a film to watch, it's not like I had anything else to do. How could it be worse than what Dash and I suffered earlier.

"Just let me set everything up."

Rainbow quickly began setting up a projector and screen, making me think of the early days of cinema.

Pretty soon she had finished and after switching off the lights, parked herself next to me, "Sit back, watch and enjoy."





(Third Person Perspective)

*MEANWHILE IN CANTERLOT MAGISTRATES COURT*

The Chief Magistrate sat behind his deck, and began reading from a scroll.

"Applejack, you stand accused of one count of inflicting category three grievous bodily harm upon the unicorn stallion known as 'Apollo', on the date 23rd June 1003, at approximately 1.36pm. It is reported from Ponyville Royal Infirmary that the aforementioned stallion, Apollo, did suffer bruising as a result of the accused's actions."

The Magistrate placed the scroll down.

"How do you plead?"

Spending the night in custody had given Applejack time to think about her actions. Hearing the charges read out before her seemed to hammer the nail home for her, especially hearing about Apollo's injury she had caused. She didn't intend to hurt him that bad, though she knew that was hardly a reason to kick him in the first place. That and she realised she faced a possible prison sentence, and without her on the farm, production would decrease, the farm's profits would diminish which could ultimately cost her the farm altogether.

Realising the seriousness and possible dire consequences of her actions, she bowed her head in shame, sighed and gave her answer, "Guilty."

"Very well," replied the Magistrate, "As it has been determined to be a category three GBH offence, and you have pleaded guilty to the charges, you will face a lesser sentence."

Applejack looked back up, relief evident on her face. 

The magistrate, continued.

"Certain mitigating factors shall determine the severity of your sentence. Mitigating factors are as follows: this is your first offence, and you only struck one blow upon the victim. You are also a pony of good standing and also an Element bearer. Also, as no other incidents like this have been reported, the court considers this to be an isolated incident. Also, as you are one of four known ponies to work on the farm known as Sweet Apple Acres and the limited availability of workers, the court acknowledges that the livelihood of the Apple family could be affected due to the reduced workforce, and that the defendant is also a caregiver for the Earth Pony known as Granny Smith, the grandmother of the defendant."

Applejack listened patiently as the magistrate spoke out he mitigating circumstances. Her heart pounding the entire time.

"As such, the court will be lenient in carrying out sentencing. Applejack, you have plead guilty to the charge and taking into account the mitigating circumstances mentioned, you are hear by sentenced to twelve months imprisonment, suspended for two years."

Ah guess that's reasonable, Applejack thought.

"Also," the magistrate continued, "You shall also serve a six month Community Order, effective immediately; wherein you will commit eight hours per week to said order. Also, you are to pay a fine of five hundred bits to the victim. Miss Applejack will be sent all necessary documents by recorded post in due course."

Applejack didn't particularly like either of them. Community Service, everyone watching her pick up litter or clean graffiti, knowing she is a criminal; and having to give five hundred of her bits to Apollo? 

She didn't want to, but shouting her mouth of at the Magistrate would do her no favours, and considering what she did; she got off lightly.

Ah think ah'll shut up....for now at least.

"That concludes the trial. Court is adjourned, Miss Applajack is free to go."

With that the Magistrate got up and left the court, followed by the court usher and two guards. The two guards flanking Applejack removed her shackles and escorted her out of the room and towards the main door leading into Canterlot.

Grateful that she wasn't at least going to prison, she did have the problem of getting home.

She had no money on her to catch a train.

And it began raining, heavily.





Rarity was sitting comfortably in the armchair in Flutterhsy's cottage, sipping a cup of tea. The pair were discussing the earlier events with Apollo and Rainbow, with Apollo in particular the topic of discussion.

"What do you make of Apollo, Fluttershy?"

"Apollo? Oh um....he's nice."

"Is that all?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, doesn't he seem......familiar to you somehow, like you've met him before?"

"Not really," replied Fluttershy, "I think I'd know if I met a pony like Apollo before. His cutie mark alone is a bit more unusual."

Fluttershy of course knew exactly who Apollo was, but was sworn to secrecy by Celestia to keep quiet about it. Unless of course, his identity was revealed through other means, including Apollo himself revealing it.

"Indeed," Rarity replied, "I must say though, many pony's cutie marks are quite literal in their meaning, but Apollo's....had he not told us I doubt I would have guessed his special talent. Speaking if which, have you seen him use illusion magic?"

Fluttershy shook her head, "No. And according to Twilight he intends to create machines that she says are impossible to exist."

"Yes, I overheard their conversation at the party, most unladylike of me I know; but, I do find his ideas, interesting."

"But what about what else Twilight said, about his cutie mark not being related to engineering?"

It hurt Fluttershy to play the part of the idiot, she knew that Apollo was exceptionally clever with engineering; having shown her a few diagrams and explained a few things to her in Canterlot before he was transformed.

"While I say it's unusual, it's not unheard of. My cutie mark shows diamonds, yet I am a seamstress."

"Good point. But I do hope Apollo and Twilight get along."

"So do I dear. I do not care for a repeat of the monster attack."

Fluttershy winced for a moment. She knew that Apollo, or Vladimir, was in fact quite gentle; despite his seemingly crazy nature and use of strong language.

"Rarity, what do you think of the creature?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, almost everypony in town is saying mean things about him, when they were the ones to chase him around trying to hurt him."

"But the mo-...creature, hurt Rainbow Dash."

"Not on purpose."

"Fluttershy, I know you love animals but-"

"Rarity, I've known Rainbow Dash longer than any of you. If she says that the creature didn't hurt her on purpose, then the creature didn't hurt her on purpose."

"Are you sure? I mean Rainbow's concussion was quite bad."

"I'm sure Rarity. You have nothing to fear from the creature, in fact, I think you both would even get along."

"You think so?" Rarity asked in shock.

"Of course. Also, just think; he could have come to you for clothes, and you would be the first pony in history to make clothes for an extra-equestrian life form."

"Extra-equestrian? You mean he's not even from this world?"

Fluttershy shook her head, "That's right."

Rarity's eye began to twitch, "You mean I could have been the first to make clothes for an alien?"

Fluttershy nodded, "Don't worry though, I'm sure you'll see him again. But if we do see him again, do  you think you could....maybe, not hurt him?"

"Don't worry Fluttershy. I may not have witnessed what this strange creature did, or the townsponies, but I will not hurt your friend. He is your friend isn't he?"

"Of course. He's so nice, and he's really good at hugging!"





(Back to 1st Person Perspective)

*MEANWHILE, IN RAINBOW'S HOUSE*

I had been watching the Daring Do film with great excitement. All Rainbow had to say was that Daring Do was pretty much Indiana Jones and I would have understood. But then Rainbow wouldn't know about him.

It was a pretty well made film and the picture quality was clearer than I was expecting. According to Rainbow, she bought the best projector on the market (that she could afford).

"What did you think?" asked Dash.

"Good."

"Heh heh, I knew you'd like it!" she replied, shoving a hoof full of popcorn into her mouth.

"Got anything planned for later?" I asked.

"Not much, probably practice some of my moves."

"Moves? For what?"

"The Wonderbolts!"

I blinked, "Who are they?"

Dash dropped the tub of popcorn, scattering pieces all over the floor. She turned to me, shock and anger ingrained on her face. She got to her hooves and slowly got up close to my face, her nose almost touching mine.

"You don't know who the WONDERBOLTS are?!"

There was a few seconds of silence as I just blinked at her again, her angry scowl not wavering. After a few seconds, I couldn't hold it any more and burst into laughter. 

After a few seconds of laughing and Rainbow looking at me like I'd gone made, I composed myself and filled her in on a few things.

"Sorry Dash, couldn't help it. I know who they are."

"You do?!" she asked excitedly, her angry scowl now replaced with a grin of absolute joy, "Are you a huge fan as well? Have you ever met them?"

"I wouldn't say I'm a fan, but I have met them."

"REALLY?!"

I nodded, "Spitfire herself put me through a few training exercises to get me used to these legs."

"That's awesome! I'd love to.....wait a sec, what do you mean 'get me used to these legs'? You'll have always had those legs, it's not like you suddenly-"

Even before she replied I'd realised my mistake. 

And now she's looking at me.

Not saying or doing anything else.

Just looking at me.

I could almost see the cogs in her brain working as she slowly put the pieces together. She got up and slowly walked over to me, looking at me more inquisitively and getting right up to my face and looking me directly in the eyes.

She knows.

"You're the creature I flew into."
> Chapter - 7 - A Truth Revealed
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I said nothing as Rainbow continued to look at me, blinking occasionally.

The awkward silence and my nervous looking around only convinced her further that I was who she thought I was.

"Rainbow?" I said, "Are you OK? You kinda creeping me out with your staring."

Rainbow stared for a couple more seconds.

"RAINBOW!"

"ARGH!" she yelled, jumping in fright and landing on her rump on the floor.

I hopped down and helped her to her hooves.

"Here," I said, pulling her up.

"Thanks," she replied, still in a little shock.

She turned around and walked away a bit, coming to a full stop in front of a bookshelf full of Daring Do books and turning around. She looked at me for several seconds once more.

"It's really you," she said, walking slowly towards me, stopping right in front of me, "But......you're a pony."

I could only nod slightly, looking down at the floor.

"Why are you a pony? Did Princess Celestia punish you?" she asked with distress in her voice.

"No," I answered, shaking my head slowly, "I......asked her to turn me into one."

Rainbow's jaw hit the floor in shock, "Why would you do that?"

"Because a certain lavender unicorn and a slack-jawed hill-billy took exception to me being different. I didn't want this, but it was the safest thing for me to do to be able to live what's become of my life in relative peace."

It's true I didn't want it. But that doesn't mean I chose it.

"I guess I can understand that," she replied, averting her look elsewhere, appearing to look deep in thought.

After a few moments of silence, she looked back at me with a determined expression.

"You do not have to fear any longer Apollo, I will help protect you and help you become the best pony a pony can be."

I couldn't help but laugh a little, "Thanks Dash."

"No problem buddy. Now, what do you say we head over to Sugarcube Corner for some sweet treats? We can talk more about you later if you want."

"Sounds great. Can you carry me down?"

"No, I thought I'd just throw you off my front porch," she sarcastically replied, "Of course I'll carry you down. Just let me put all of this away first."

Motioning to the projector she quickly removed the film reel and put it back in its case, and put the projector back in its box, and out them both in a walk-in cupboard in the front room, I just watched on as she did so.

I still didn't know how ponies could be so dexterous with hooves.

Rainbow shut the cupboard door and flew over to me and wrapped her forelegs around my barrel, "Come on Guy Egghead, time for muffins!"

"Guy Egghead?"

"Yeah, duh! Twilight is Egghead, you're an egghead but since calling you both Egghead would be confusing and you're a stallion, I'm calling you Guy Egghead."

"I'm not an egghead though."

"Of course you are! You're an alien! You must be super intelligent!"

I chuckled a little, "Well, I do have a Master of Engineering degree in Aeronautical and Aerospace Engineering from the University of Leeds."

"That sounds awesome!" Rainbow squealed in delight and flapping her wings.

"You sound impressed."

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be? I know how difficult aerospace and aeronautical studies can be."

"You have a degree in it too?"

"No, I did start studying it but I dropped out and switched to meteorology."

"Cool. What level degree did you get in that?"

"A 2:2 Bachelor's," she replied, looking a little ashamed.

"Hey now, that's nothing to feel bad about. You got a degree, and that's what counts."

The reassuring compliment lifted Dash's spirits a little, eliciting a smile from her, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I am, now; how about those sweet treats?"

"You got it buddy!"

In the blink of an eye she picked be up and flew towards the door.

And promptly crashed into it causing us to land in a heap on the floor. I massaged my bruised forehead with my hooves and groaned loudly, "Rainbow, please stop flying into doors."





Within a few minutes the pair of us were entering Sugarcube Corner, noting the few ponies already inside. Some at the tables having their treats, others in line at the kiosk ordering their sweet cravings.

"What are you gonna get?" I asked Rainbow.

"The Rainbow."

"The Rainbow?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Yeah, it's a large muffin topped off with icing in the col-"

"Colours of a rainbow."

"You got it!"

"I take it they're your favourite."

Rainbow nodded, "Yep. What are you gonna get?"

"I think I'll try one of these 'Rainbow', I don't really know what they do here."

"Great, first one's on me!"

"Thanks!" I exclaimed, giving Rainbow a lung crushing hug.

A wheezed Rainbow staggered back onto her hooves, "Any time buddy."

As we waited in line, I noticed a few ponies taking a few looks at us, or more specifically.....me. I could hear them whispering amongst themselves about the incident with what's-her-face the day before. 

"If you lot have anything to say about me, say it to my face," I spoke loudly and firmly.

Almost instantly the whispering ceased and everyone averted the eye sight everywhere except in my direction.

Damn ponies.

Fortunately, we weren't waiting too long before we were at the front of the queue. 

"Hey there Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie exclaimed excitedly before turning to me, "Hey there newest-pony-in-Ponyville-pony!"

"Hey Pinkie," I replied, slightly amused at her antics, "Two Rainbow muffins please."

"Coming right up, there's a fresh batch that's just been iced."

"Great, in that case we'll take half a dozen."

"Half a dozen?" Rainbow repeated, seemingly perturbed that I would order more when she was paying.

"Don't worry Dash, I'll pay for them."

"Nah, don't worry about it," she replied with a pleasant smile, "After what you've been through, a few cupcakes on me are the least you need."

"Thanks Dash. We can have one each now and save the rest for another Daring Do film if you like?"

Rainbow's face lit up with glee, "That's an awesome idea! Pinkie can join us!"

"I'd love to!"

Rainbow turned to me, "What do you say Apollo?"

"The more the merrier I suppose."

"Great, we can get some more food and booze in. Maybe invite a couple of other ponies over."

I started feeling a little uneasy at this. Not all ponies knew who I really was, and if the 'wrong' pony got wind of it and blabbed to Celestia's Pet Twilight, then I would be done for. Twilight would take be down into her lab, tie me to a chair, interrogate me and not let me leave until I gave her the answers she wanted to hear.

Probably.

Rainbow must have noticed my apprehension as she quickly followed up, "Don't worry though, since you're the new guy, you can invite some guests. Keep the numbers down though; too many ponies could spoil things for a small do."

"Sure," I replied, quickly pondering who I could invite, "How about we invite Fluttershy?"

"Sure," Rainbow replied, "Anypony else?"

"Vinyl Scratch, Lyra, Thunderlane, Bon-Bon and Octavia."

Rainbow blinked in surprise, "Wow, they're.....oddly specific."

"I have my reasons."

Rainbow must have been on the ball as she seemed to understand what I was getting at, "Well we'll ask them, and if they say yes then we'll talk more tonight."

"OK, any idea where they might be?"

"We'll go and look for them afterwards if you like?"

I nodded, "Why not? I've nothing else to do."

"Here's your half-dozen Rainbow muffins," Pinkie said, bouncing back into view, "That'll be three bits please."

Three bits for six muffins? Bloody hell.

But I supposed it's not that bad for home-made stuff, and not mass produced crap. Rainbow hoofed over the bits and we both quickly left the store, Pinkie merrily stating how much she was looking forward to later. Rainbow grabbed a couple of muffins out and asked me to hold onto them while she flew back to her place and put the remaining ones away for later. 

I wasn't alone for long before I had unwanted company.

"Apollo."

"дерьмо," I muttered, "What does she want?"

I remained positioned how I was and pretended I didn't hear her.

"Apollo!" Twilight yelled slightly, stomping in front of me and looking grumpy.

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me Apollo! I was talking to you!" she said angrily.

"I didn't hear you."

"Really? Then why did I hear you say something in that strange language you speak, followed by 'what does she want?'"

Bugger.....

"Maybe you imagined it. You do hate me after all."

"I don't hate you, what makes you say that?" she asked, looking confused and slightly hurt.

"You insult my intellect, intrude on my personal space, invade my privacy and went tittle-tattling to the Princess like the little grass you are."

Twilight's look on confusion and hurt soon turned into one of anger, "I have done none of those things! I have never insulted your intelligence!"

"I have a Masters Degree in Aerospace and Aeronautical Engineering and you have the nerve to say I have no talent in those areas."

"Then why isn't your cutie mark engineering related?"

"Maybe it is and you're just interpreting it wrong. Besides, I don't like cutie marks anyway, I don't see the point in them."

I felt like vomiting whenever I even thought of the words 'cutie mark', never mind actually saying them. Twilight though, reacted as I thought she would at my different opinion.

"You don't see the point in cutie marks! HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING?!"

Her yelling was beginning to draw a crowd of nosy ponies.

"One does not need a mark on their butt to know what they're good at," I replied.

"But then how would ponies know what their special talent is?" Twilight asked smugly, thinking she had somehow checkmated me with an unanswerable question.

I looked around and saw some ponies nodding in agreement to Twilight, muttering amongst themselves crap such as 'she's right, how would anypony know?' and 'why would anypony not want a cutie mark?'.

Such stupid questions made me feel like my brain was having an aneurysm. 

Sighing deeply and with a growing amount of grumpiness, I turned around to the stupid ponies.

"They would know what their special talent is because it would likely be something they're really good at, and probably enjoy doing. And as to why someone would not want a cutie mark, maybe they just don't want some ponies assuming that that's what they like doing, and assume that that's all they can do. My crappy cutie mark bares no relation to my true passion. I do not need a stupid mark on my flank to identify me and what I do."

There was a few moments of silence as everyone seemed to take heed to what I said.

Until one pony spoke out, and from the sound of it, a filly's voice that sounded eerily similar to the hill-billy.

"Ya don't like Cutie Marks? Ya think they're silly?"

"Correct."

"Ah don't understand," Hill-billy junior replied, shaking her head, "Why d'ya hate cutie marks so much? Me and mah friends have been tryin' our hardest tah get our cutie marks. You have somthin' you don't want or like, yet me and mah friends can't get ours no matter what we do."

"Get used to it kid, life is like that."

"Don't talk to her like that!" Twilight scolded, stomping between me and the crowd, positioning herself in front of hill-billy junior.

"I gave her some advice on what life is really like."

"She goes to school to learn, she doesn't need lessons from you."

"You only complain because you don't like hearing the harsh realities of life. I learned from a very young age how tough, brutal and bitterly unfair life is."

"Maybe where you're from," Twilight replied, putting a comforting foreleg around hill-billy junior, "But here in Equestria, we live in a paradise where there is opportunity for everyone to succeed in anything they want to do, where everyone has a home and food to eat."

"And freedom to speak my mind I presume?"

"Of course......well, mostly. So long as you don't criticise the Princess."

I couldn't help but laugh. I just had too. But it was an ironic laugh, not a joyous one.

"What's so funny?" Twilight asked.

"Oh Twilight, I heard the same Soviet propaganda crap in my childhood."

"Soviet propaganda?" she asked confused, "What's that?"

"Pretty much what you said just now. You're told you live in a paradise where there is opportunity for everyone to succeed in anything they want to do, where everyone has a home and food to eat. Whilst the latter two are somewhat true, the vast majority where given free housing in small apartments and given very little food to eat."

"But it's free, so why complain?"

"A hoof in the face is free, would you like one of those?"

"No! Why would I want that?!" she replied, recoiling in horror.

"Just because something is free, doesn't mean it's a good thing."

"Fair point, but why do you hate cutie marks?"

"Doesn't it strike you as odd that your cutie marks conveniently match with your names? I also don't like how it seems everyone seems perfectly content doing their 'special talent' without ever trying anything else. When I was in Canterlot, I saw some ponies with cleaning related cutie marks who seemed perfectly happy cleaning up other ponies' mess."

"Well," Twilight began, "It is their-"

"For the rest of their lives," I added quickly, "Where I'm from, cleaning is considered to be a dead-end job. Having a cutie mark that ties you down to a dead-end job for life seems more like slavery to me."

The crowd of ponies gasped so much they could have deprived the local area of oxygen.

"How can you say that?!" Twilight once more demanded, now consoling a crying hill-billy junior.

"I'm exercising my right to speak freely without punishment."

"What?"

"Exactly as I said. I'm exercising my right to speak freely without punishment."

"What does that mean?" Twilight asked, her stupid face looking confused again, "Who would punish you for speaking your mind.....no matter how much I disagree with you?"

"You would if I criticised the Princess."

"But you can't criticise the Princess!"

"Why not?"

I have ample to reason to.

"Because she's the Princess!"

All this talk of not being allowed to criticise those in power brought back horrible memories from my childhood.

"To find out who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise," I spoke, thinking aloud.

"What was that?" Twilight asked.

"Oh I was just thinking aloud."

"What does it mean though, what you just said?"

I sighed deeply, are ponies really this stupid? Can they only see and think literally?

"In that if you want to know who controls you, keep criticising certain individuals until the secret police come and take you away. Then, you have a good idea as to who you weren't supposed to speak ill of."

"Why?"

"Because those who rule over you would have you killed. Like my grandfather was."

Silence was all I could hear, so I continued, "One day, before I was born; he foolishly criticised a member of the politburo."

"Politburo?" Twilight queried.

"They're Executive Committee's for Communist Parties."

"What's a Communist Party?"

"A political group that enforces communism."

"What's communism?"

"A vile ideology that oppresses personal freedoms and liberties, silences any who dare to speak or think differently and enforces its ideology with an iron hoof. But, back to my grandfather. He was arrested and taken to a gulag where he was forced to work in Siberian salt mines for eighteen hours a day, every day. After two years, it was decided he was to be put on trial."

Looking around it looked like a lot of ponies fur had lost their sheen. Maybe hearing what a shitty childhood I had was too much for them.

"Surely people saw he was innocent," Twilight suggested.

"He wasn't though," I replied, "He was guilty of criticising a member of the politburo and was subsequently sentenced to death by firing squad."

"SENTENCED TO DEATH!"

"Would you mind shouting a little louder, I don't think Canterlot heard you," I sarcastically replied, "But yes. He was executed for daring to say something someone in power didn't like. And just to add salt to the wound, would you like to guess who had to fire the killing shot?"

Twilight gulped nervously, "Y-y-you?"

"No. I wasn't born at the time."

"Then who?"

"My father. My father was forced to execute his father or be forced to watch as his entire family be killed, and then he himself be imprisoned in a gulag for the rest of his life; after which, all records of him and his family's existence were to be erased from history."

Even more colour seemed to drain from the ponies' fur, but a carried on regardless.

"My father went through with it, and was rewarded for his 'loyalty' by being allowed to marry the westerner he had become infatuated with, my mother. But what he was forced to do destroyed him. He descended into alcoholism and eventually died of liver cancer shortly after the dissolution of the Soviet Union. My mother returned to her homeland a few years later, with me going with her. I spent the first half of my life growing up in my father's homeland, and the second half in my mother's."

"What happened-"

"She died of leukaemia a few years ago. A horrible cancer that begins in bone marrow and causes abnormal white blood cells to develop in high numbers."

Before Twilight even had chance to respond, I continued, "You wanted to know more about me Twilight Sparkle, and you just have. Is that satisfactory for your friendship quest or would you like to hear about how Nazi soldiers raped my grandmother and great-aunt?"

Twilight vigorously shook her head, looking thoroughly worse for ware after my little family history lesson.

"Then I bid you good day."

I picked up the two Rainbow cupcakes in my magic and walked away, the crowd of ponies making way and not saying a word to me. The only pony to approach me was Rainbow. She landed softly next to me and walked with me, not saying anything until we were out of earshot of the crowd.

"How much did you hear?"

"Pretty much all of it," she replied looking sad, "I'm sorry about all of those things happening."

"Thanks. Fortunately, things in my father's homeland have improved, but there's still a long way to go."

"I thought you said you were from Russia?"

"I am. The Soviet Union was the name of the collective group of communist states that made up the Soviet Union."

"How many states?"

"Fifteen. Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Uzbekistan, Georgia, Azerbaijan, Lithuania, Moldova, Latvia, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Armenia and Estonia."  

"What happened after the Union broke up?"

"They each became their own independent state once more. Before the Bolshevik Revolution, Russia was a monarchy ruled by a Tzar, but due to reasons I'll go into another time, the Imperial family, the Romanovs, were killed; including the children."

Rainbow looked a little pale at hearing that, but then; who wouldn't be? Especially when innocent children are involved.

"But hey, let's not get all sad with what happened a century ago," I said, levitating her rainbow cupcake to her, "Here, eat up."

"Thanks," she smiled, taking it.

"Where are we headed?"

"I thought we could go over to the music store," Rainbow replied, taking a bite out of the cupcake, "If Vinyl or Octavia are anywhere, they'll be there."

"Do they work there?"

"They own the place, in addition to their first jobs as a DJ and concert cellist. They hired a few ponies to run the place though."

"Cool. I'll have to play you some of my music when I get the chance."

"Awesome!" she yelled, hugging me tightly.

She quickly came to her senses and let go, albeit blushing profusely, "Don't ever tell anypony I hugged you."

"Why not? Don't want anyone to know that the fast, awesome and cool Rainbow Dash is actually a softy who likes hugs and cuddles?"

Rainbow scowled and blushed even more, "Shut up!"

Yeah she is. Rainbow definitely likes hugs and cuddles.

We walked for a little longer, finishing our cupcakes in record time, and reached the front of the music store.

"They were great," I said, "I'll have to go to Sugarcube Corner more often."

"I'd go more often but if I eat each too much, then these fine flanks of mine would hold me back."

"I was never the sporty type."

"Really?" Rainbow asked in 'surprise', "An egghead not into sports? Imagine my shock."

I rolled my eyes, "I didn't say I wasn't into them, I just said I wasn't the sporty type, in that I don't play them."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I'm an egghead."

"So what kind of egghead things do you do?" she asked as we walked into the shop.

"Before I came here I was an engineer with British Airways, the largest airliner of the United Kingdom in terms of fleet size. I worked on the Rolls-Royce Trent 900 engines of the Airbus A380."

"Awesome!" Rainbow replied enthusiastically, before looking confused, "But what's all that eggheady stuff you mentioned."

"Rolls-Royce is the name of the company that built the Trent 900, a type of jet engine. The Airbus A380 is a type of commercial aircraft, Airbus being the company that built it and A380 being the model number. With me so far?"

Rainbow nodded.

"Jets are types of engines that suck in air through turbines, mix it with jet fuel, which is ignited which creates thrust which moves the aircraft forward. My job, was to make sure the engines worked as they should."

"Did you ever fly these aircraft?"

"No. I don't have the necessary licence or ability. But I have flown several times in them."

Rainbow's enthusiasm seemed to grow and grow and soon she was firing off questions like a cowboy shoots bullets, "How big are they? How fast can they fly? How high can they go? How far can they go?"

I couldn't help but smile at Rainbow's interest and enthusiasm, she was like a kid at Christmas.

"It all depends on the type of aircraft, but the A380 is big. Really big. I'd have to do the conversions to your units of measurement but I can do that later. For now, let's look around, see what there is."

"Sure thing," Rainbow replied, clearly struggling to hold the little filly inside of her just desperate to know more about my world.

As I looked around the store, which was fortunately empty of shoppers, I saw rows upon rows of vinyl records. 

Maybe this world isn't so bad after all.

You don't get Justin Bieber in Vinyl format here.

Or even in Equestria at all thank fuck.

Fortunately, I had many of the greats on my phone and tablet including Elton John, Pink Floyd, Tony Christie, Michael Bolton, Meat Loaf, Metallica, Billie Joel, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Dragonforce, ABBA, the Bee Gee's, the Beatles, the Eagles......Aqua.

Don't go knocking Aqua, they're a guilty pleasure.

I had a nosey around and had a look to see what there was. I had no idea who was any good or who was the most famous, nor did I care. If I like it, I'll listen to it, regardless of how big and famous the band/artist is.

Looking around, I did notice some posters on the wall, and from the records on the shelves I noticed there were more of some artists than others. Some of which were Sapphire Shores and Countess Coloratura.

Pop stars by the look of things.

So long as they're not like Earth pop stars and celebrities where they're full of their own shit and importance, then I should be able to tolerate them.

There was also some vinyl record players.

Genuine vinyl record players.

I had to have one.

I trotted over to them and had a look at what was on offer. Looking at them it was easy to deduce that they were of high quality. And had a price tag to match. One in particular, that had a retro 50's look, was made from a hard plastic in red and had aluminium fittings and spindle, and was complete with built in speakers and radio. 

I looked at the price tag and saw it was two hundred bits.

Pricey.

"See anything you like?" asked a familiar voice.

I turned to where the voice was coming from, "Hey Vinyl."

Vinyl walked up to me and we bumped hooves, "Hey Apollo. How's things going?"

"OK, more or less. Just having a look around, but I came to see if you were interested in coming to Rainbow's later for a film night, Octavia too if she's interested."

"Sure, will I need to cast a cloud-walking spell?"

"No, Rainbow's house has marble flooring so we'll be fine."

"How do you know what type of floor she has?" she asked inquisitively. 

"I was there earlier watching the first Daring Do film."

Vinyl smirked in delight. I knew that look all too well though.

"Getting friendly with Rainbow are we?" she asked teasingly.

I rolled my eyes, "It's not what you think. She pretty much forced me to watch it after I may have asked if Daring Do was an intergalactic hussy."

Vinyl couldn't help but let out a laugh, "One of these days your gonna say something that will get your plot kicked."

"I sort of was by the dumb country hick."

"Oh that," Vinyl replied, "How are you by the way? I was gonna visit but then I heard you were discharged."

"I'm OK. Still a little sore though."

"Cool. I've never seen Applejack act like that though."

"She's impossibly stubborn and narrow minded."

"I remember how she reacted when she first saw you."

"Aye, despite clearly being injured and not completely coherent in thought, she looked at an injured and bloody me and a visibly uninjured and unconscious Dash, and somehow her inbred hill-billy brain came to the conclusion that I attacked Rainbow. She didn't even try to ascertain the details."

Vinyl came up a bit closer and gave me a reassuring and comforting nuzzle, "And then things got worse."

"Aye, they did."

Unbeknownst to us, Rainbow had been listening in.

"What actually did happen after you knocked me out....accidentally? Certain others have told me their version of things but I don't believe them."

"I can't imagine why," I muttered. I looked up and saw Rainbow and Vinyl looking at me, Rainbow in particular looking a little annoyed.

Maybe they heard me. Oh well. I shook my head and continued speaking, "Yes, I don't mind filling you in. After I knocked you out, completely unintentionally, I staggered around for a little longer not straying too far from your body. Unbeknownst to me, a pony saw what happened and went running to the nearest pony she could find which just happened to be Crapjack."

I noticed Rainbow scowl a little at my name calling of Applejack. I knew they were friends but I won't let that stop me from doing it. 

"Before I could even speak, she launched into her accusations, screaming 'you vile monster, you attacked Rainbow Dash' and 'you're going to pay for that'; things like that though in her slack-jawed drawl. Coming slightly more aware of my surroundings I tried to explain myself but she immediately tried to attack me, so I ran for it; not being in any state to fight."

"What happened afterwards?" asked Rainbow.

"She chased me, all the while screaming at the top of her lungs that I attacked you. Several more ponies, hearing her, joined in the chase and your dixie friend somehow got hold of some rope and lassoed me. After being tied up I once again tried explaining things but I was gagged and hauled off to her barn to 'await punishment befitting a monster'."

"Then what happened?"

"I was dragged into her barn and tied tightly to one of the posts. Twilight 'Teacher's Pet' Sparkle arrived and began saying the same shit, of how I was a monster and would be punished severely by the Princess. I pulled at the ropes in an attempt to free myself and escape but all that got me was a buck in the abdomen from you know who."

I sighed tiredly at the unpleasant memory, just thinking about it made me angry and exhausted. But Rainbow deserved to know what really happened and I wouldn't allow my feelings get in the way of that.

"Twilight took the possessions that I still had, the others had fallen off during the chase and were fortunately recovered by Lyra. The possessions Lyra recovered where returned to me by Celestia, Twilight still has the ones she stole in her lab."

"Stole?" Rainbow repeated, "She stole your possessions?"

"Well yeah, she took them without permission with no intent to return them, i.e. she stole them. Don't worry though, I'm getting them back."

"How?" asked Rainbow.

"I'm going to break in and take them back."

Rainbow looked conflicted. Part of her looked like she was all for it, but on the other hand she felt uncomfortable with breaking into a friend's home.

"Look Apollo, I know you want your things back but if you do what you say, she will hunt you down and take them back again, maybe even the other possessions she didn't get first time as well."

"What do you suggest then?" I asked.

"I don't know. Twilight can be very stubborn and driven to the point where only Princess Celestia can talk sense into her."

I pondered what Rainbow said, but I wanted my possessions back without having to go to Celestia. She's done enough as it is. I pondered the legal ramifications and Twilight's possibly hyper-insane reaction. But after a few seconds of mulling it over, I reached my decision.

"I'm getting my things back Dash, one way or another."

"But-"

"But nothing. Twilight has stolen my property and I want it back. Besides, I think I know how to....assuage her anger over it as well."

"How?"

"I know how it all works. That is something that I can use to my advantage. I show Twilight and in return she doesn't re-steal it all or murder me."

Both Vinyl and Rainbow gasped in shock. Rainbow quickly stomped a hoof down, "Dude, Twilight is not a murderer! She could never do such a thing!"

"Maybe not, but if you went and deliberately tried to harm Celestia in any way.....she would certainly try, or at least think of all manners of unpleasant things she would do to you."

"Apollo," Rainbow said firmly and looking slightly angry, "Twilight is not a murderer nor is she going to torture anypony, not even you."

I huffed and rolled my eyes, "Fine, she's not going to hurt me or anyone else. She would certainly lecture me to death though."

Rainbow surprised me with a chuckle, "Yeah, that's more likely. I once got a three hour lecture on the importance of cutlery placement at a formal dinner party."

I blinked in astonishment, "Three......hours."

"Yep."

"On the importance of cutlery placement."

"Yep."

I blinked again, "What did you do to piss her off? Return a book late?"

"Yeah, I did actually. By one hour."

"One hour? Twilight has book returns done to the hour?"

Rainbow nodded, "Of course she does. She wouldn't be Twilight of she didn't."

"I'd have told her to piss off."

Rainbow's and Vinyl's eyes widened in surprise.

"Wow," Vinyl said, "You really don't take any crap do you?"

"Of course I don't. I'm Russian......Well, half-Russian and half-Yorkshire."

"Yorkshire?" queried Rainbow.

"A county in England. England being a country in the United Kingdom. My mother is from Yorkshire, specifically a city called Leeds. It's part of the reason why I chose to go to University there."

"You went to University?" asked Vinyl, "What did you study?"

"I studied for a Master of Engineering degree in Aeronautical and Aerospace Engineering."

"Is that what this workshop thing is about I heard the other day?"

I nodded, "Yeah. It seems Celestia wants me to recreate some technology from my world."

"Can you do it?"

"Well," I began to reply, whilst I had the knowledge it would be a huge undertaking and not something I could do on my own. The only downside was the lack of computers. Whilst I has mechanical knowledge, I was no computer scientist and the only computers I had where my phone and tablet. I did not have the knowledge on how to recreate those. But there's time yet, fortunately, my tablet had plenty of ebooks on such topics and I'm sure Twilight would love to transfer that knowledge to Equestrian scholars.

"I suppose I could. I would eventually need to educate others, and it would take years and cost a lot....but it's doable. You certainly won't be landing ponies on the moon any time soon though."

Vinyl and Rainbow looked at one another before turning back to me.

"Princess Luna has been to the moon," Rainbow stated, "She was there 1,000 years."

"According to Celestia; Luna, or Nightmare Moon, was imprisoned within the moon, not on it."

"Semantics," Vinyl stated, "But can you really send ponies to the moon?"

I nodded, "It's been done before in my world six times, twelve men in total. It would have been seven times and fourteen men but Apollo 13 ran into some technical issues, I'll tell you about it sometime."

"Sounds awesome!"

"If you like the sound of that, then you'll definitely like the rockets I'll be building."

"Rockets? You mean like fireworks? How fast will they go?"

"They'll be like fireworks in that you ignite a fuel source to launch the vehicle, and as for  how fast......the Saturn V, the rocket that helped take men to the moon, can reach several thousand miles per hour."

Rainbow stood frozen in shock, prompting Vinyl to start laughing, "You should see your face Dash!"

"S-s-s-everal th-thousand........"

"I think you broke her Apollo."

"I think I did, anyway.....you coming tonight?"

"Sure. What time?" 

"When do you close?"

"4.30pm."

"I'll pick you up outside the store then if you like, Octavia too."

"Sure thing. I can ask Lyra and Bon Bon if you like?"

"Why not? We'll pick them up too."

"Why not ask Pinkie if you can use her hot air balloon?"

"Pinkie has a hot air balloon?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah, but don't worry. She knows how to use it."

I breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank fuck, Pinkie's nice and all but she's a little.....crazy."

"That's Pinkie Pie for you, but you'll get used to it.......hey Rainbow, you still with us?"

Rainbow didn't respond so I gave her a nudge in the side with my elbow, causing her to jolt.

"WHAT?!"

Vinyl and I jumped a little at Rainbow's sudden outburst but quickly recovered.

"We were just discussing Vinyl coming to your place later for another film. I said we'd meet her here when she shuts up shop at 4.30."

"Yeah, that's cool."

"She's going to talk to Octavia, Bon Bon and Lyra. We can go and see Fluttershy if you like then Pinkie."

"Why Pinkie?"

"To see if we can use her hot air balloon."

"Sure, makes sense. It'll save several trips back and forth carrying all of you."

"Will Pinkie be there as well?" asked Vinyl.

"I'd love for Pinkie to be there," Rainbow said happily, "It can hardly be a party without Pinkie Pie."

"Great!" I said, before turning to Vinyl, "Now that that's settled can I talk to you about this record player?"

I pointed a hoof to the record player on question, the red retro 50's one.

"Oh that one?" Vinyl said, smiling in delight, "They're a damn fine make, worth every bit. This particular model got rave reviews."

"Could you set one aside for me? I don't have the money just at the moment."

"Sure thing. I have some in the back still in their boxes. I'll get one out for you and put your name on it."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Have a look for a few records, if you find any that interest you bring them over and I'll put them aside too."

"Sure thing, Rainbow can help pick a few out."

Vinyl went off into the back leaving me and Rainbow. I began browsing and looking at the posters of Sapphire Shores and Countess Coloratura once more, decided to give them a try. After a quick search I found the records of Sapphire Shores and began flipping through them with my magic.

I grabbed a few including her newest release, and a few older ones before moving on to Countess Coloratura; and did the same with her. Amongst some albums I picked out where some classical, metal and rock.

Rainbow wasn't too enthusiastic about classical, but had been looking through a few other records as well.

"Hey Apollo, get these."

I looked and noticed she had two of certain albums. I grabbed the second records and browsed through them.

"'Songs inspired by the Wonderbolts', 'The Official Soundtrack to Daring Do and the Quest For the Sapphire Stone' and Songbird Seranade's 'I Can't See You'. Who the fuck's Songbird Serenade?"

"Who is she?!" Rainbow replied in shock, "Only one of the biggest pop stars in Equestria!"

"Like Sapphire Shores and Coloratura?"

"Yes, and like me she's a pegasus," Rainbow boasted proudly.

"Are all pegasi this boastful?"

"Not all, but most."

I chuckled a little and looked back at the albums, "I'll have to see the Wonderbolts perform sometime. Any idea when they're next performance after next is?"

Rainbow looked at me like I'd gone daft with my daft question, "What?"

"Tickets are all sold out for the next performance, so I was wondering when the next performance after that is."

"Oh, about a months time I think. I couldn't get tickets either to their next show."

"Good to know, I'll try and get tickets if I can."

I looked to Rainbow and saw she had stars in her eyes and hooves in her mouth. Signs she was beginning to fangirl over the Wonderbolts again.

"Why not come with me?" I asked, "You can give me the history of them and see if we can get a backstage tour."

I suddenly felt my lungs being crushed by an unbelievably tight hug from Rainbow; who, judging by her reaction, liked my suggestion.

She let go and allowed me to get my breath back.

"That an AWESOME IDEA!"

"What's an awesome idea?" asked Vinyl, returning to the shop floor.

"Going to see the Wonderbolts and having Rainbow give me a history lesson on them, and see if we can get a backstage tour."

"At their next show in a fortnight?" asked Vinyl.

"No," I replied, "There's no tickets left, so we'll be going to the one after that."

"If you want to go to the next show I may be able to help you both."

That got the attention of myself and Rainbow.

"I sometimes perform live with the Wonderbolts in providing a backing track, and I'll be doing so again in Vanhoover. I can arrange for you both to get  all-areas access passes if you like."

"You'd really do that?" I asked, shocked she would get us something so valuable and difficult to get.

"Sure. After what you've been through, you could do with a little fun and enjoyment."

I smiled a little, "I guess I could. What do you think Rainbow, should we-"

I stopped when I saw Rainbow. She was stood frozen solid on the ground again, on three hooves with the fourth holding the records. She wasn't moving a muscle or even appearing to breath. Concerned, I walked up slowly and gently shook her.

"Rainbow."

Nothing.

"RAINBOW!"

"GAH!"

That got her attention.

"Sorry, but I was going to ask if you were interested in Vinyl's offer?"

"Of course I'm interested!" she said excitedly, "To be able to meet the Wonderbolts backstage before and after a performance."

"And free access to an all you can eat buffet in the VIP lounge."

"All you can eat?" I repeated, "Free?"

"Yes and Yes," replied Vinyl, amused at what I was getting at.

"I'd go for the free food alone. So long as it's real food that is, and not the dreary, bland wall paper paste like slop only rich, snooty nobles call food."

Vinyl let out a hearty laugh, "Don't worry Vlad, it's real food. The Wonderbolts make sure of it."

"I've already met Spitfire, she gave me a few training sessions when I first became a pony to get me used to my new legs."

"Does she know about.......?" Vinyl trailed off, she didn't need to say what exactly. She knew I knew what she meant.

"Yeah, she knows. I don't think the other Wonderbolts do though."

"Do you plan to tell them?"

I shook my head, "No. At least not yet. Anyway we should be going, we need to see Fluttershy and Pinkie. See you here at 4.30?"

"Sure thing. Until then," Vinyl replied giving me a hoof bump and nuzzle.

Getting used to pony nuzzles and hugs was still an odd feeling. As a human I seldom ever had any physical contact, so getting it on a regular basis was a strange experience. Albeit a nice one.

I left the records with Vinyl, as did Rainbow leave hers as well with her, and we left the store. We decided to head to Fluttershy first before going back to Pinkie.





Rainbow and I were just outside Fluttershy's cottage, walking up the path.

"I hope she doesn't dress us up again as one of her animals," I said.

"Same here," Rainbow replied, shuddering, remembering the awful memory from earlier.

"Will Rarity still be there?"

"Maybe, are we inviting her too?"

"Your decision, it's your house after all."

"Yeah, but Rarity doesn't know about you though."

"No, but she'll find out eventually."

Rainbow looked down to the ground, seemingly deep in thought. After a few moments of silence, she looked back up to me, "Maybe.....not tell her yet. Enough ponies know already as it is."

"Agreed. Speaking of ponies knowing, does Pinkie know?"

Rainbow shrugged her shoulders, "Only Pinkie knows what Pinkie knows."

"True."

We trotted up to the door and knocked. After a few seconds the door opened revealing the Demon Seamstress. Looking at us, an devilish smirk formed on her face; clearly she was still feeling delighted at what she did to us earlier.

"Hello darlings," she said, smirking devilishly, "Eager to be fluffy little bunnies again?"

"NO!" we both yelled, our eyes widening in fear.

"There's no need to yell," Rarity replied, seemingly un-fazed by our reaction, "But regardless, why are you two little bunnies here?"

Bunnies?

"We're not bunnies," Rainbow replied through clenched teeth.

"Pity," Rarity sighed, "You both looked so adorable in those costumes."

I'm pretty sure Rainbow's blood was boiling as much as mine at this very moment.

"May we please come in?" I asked, holding in my increasing irritance, "We'd like to ask Fluttershy something."

"Very well," Rarity replied, stepping aside.

Rainbow and I walked in and Rarity closed the door. Looking around, Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen.

"Just wait here, Fluttershy's in the kitchen," Rarity said, trotting past us, "Fluttershy darling, two little bunnies have come to see you."

Both Rainbow and I scowled and clenched our teeth at the un-amusing nickname. I leaned in close to Rainbow and began whispering in her ear.

"I think Rarity is long overdue a mud bath. A real mud bath."

"I hear you buddy, a real mud bath," she whispered back.

We both began snickering quietly to ourselves, oblivious to Rarity and Fluttershy re-entering the room.

"Would you two care to share your joke with the rest of us?"

The pair of us turned around to see an unamused Rarity and a sheepish looking Fluttershy.

"What joke?" Rainbow asked, "I know not of any joke. Do you Apollo?"

"I haven't a clue Rainbow Dash, maybe Rarity's just hearing things."

Rarity stomped up to us, clearly not impressed at our behaviour, "So hearing about being given a 'real mud bath' was just my imagination was it?"

Busted.

Before I could try to diplomatically get myself and Rainbow out of the sticky situation, Rainbow's conscience got the better of her and she pointed a hoof accusingly at me.

"It was all Apollo's idea!"

I stood opened mouthed looking between Rainbow and Rarity, trying to piece together what just happened. So much for Rainbow's loyalty. I tried to verbalise a reply but could only manage stuttering utterances.

"Thank you Rainbow, " Rarity said delightfully, "For your honesty, you will be spared."

"Spared what?" asked Rainbow.

Rarity didn't answer and instead turned to me, looking extremely pissed off and pointing a hoof aggressively at me, "But YOU!"

"Yes Rarity," I whimpered, becoming terrified of the pissed off seamstress.

"You're coming with me!"

She picked me up in her magic and took me away. I was too scared of how she'd react if I tried to escape.

"Fluttershy dear, I'm afraid there will be a change to our plans. Apollo here, needs to be taught a lesson or two."

Rarity trotted merrily out, her nose stuck up in the air, taking me with her. 

"Where are we going?" I asked nervously.

"To the Spa, little bunny. Where we will both have a mud bath."

"A mud bath?" I repeated, gulping in fear.

"A mud bath darling, and a host of other beauty treatments. A big rugged stallion like you could do with a pampering to soften you up."

"I don't want a pampering," I whined.

Rarity laughed, "Well you're getting one."

"YOU SHE-DEMON!" 

"My my, somepony's a little grumpy."

"I have a right to be! After all I've been through."

A few moments of silence lingered. Not a normal silence though. A silence which gives you the feeling that the other person is about to say something you might not like to hear. 

"Indeed," Rarity replied, in such a way is was a cause for concern, like she knew something she wasn't letting on, "Your introduction to Ponyville wasn't exactly ideal."

Uh oh....I don't like the sound of this.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"Don't try to hide it, I know who you are."

"So does most of Ponyville," I replied, trying to not let on who I really was, "I'm Apollo. They found out when the Princess personally spoke to me in public in front of the whole town."

Rarity let out a laugh, a sort of laugh that indicated she wasn't at all fooled, "Oh Apollo, I didn't get to where I am today without having an eye for detail."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"No of course you don't............






















......Vladimir."
> Chapter - 8 - The Party Part I
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I froze in fear.

How could she know?

"I-I d-don't know-"

"Don't insult my intelligence by denying it Vladimir."

Still being levitated in her magic, I sighed in defeat, "How did you know?"

"A few things gave it away."

"Such as?"

"Your hostility to Twilight and Applejack, your unusual language, the description you gave of your homeland, your behaviour-"

"What about my fucking behaviour?!" I asked, frowning fiercely, insulted she was trying to imply something negative.

"Well for starters you are very confrontational, foul mouthed, vocally liberal in expressing your opinion, and speaking of vocals....you have the exact same voice as the creature."

I sighed deeply again, "Is it really that obvious?"

"To me it is, but like I said...I have an eye for detail."

"You......you won't tell Twilight or Cowgirl will you?"

"No. But who else does know?"

"Fluttershy, Rainbow, Vinyl, Octavia, Lyra, Bon Bon, Thunderlane, my doctor and the Princesses."

"What about Pinkie?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

I looked up and noticed we were getting closer to the Spa. I didn't feel particularly comfortable being levitated in. If I was going to be forced to be pampered like a beta male soy boy I would at least walk in like a alpha man and be feminised with dignity.

"Rarity could you put me down please?"

"So you can run away?"

"Nooo, that wouldn't work. You'd catch me again and up the pampering even more. I'd just prefer to walk in in my own. That and it attracts less attention."

Rarity stopped walking and looked at me, probably trying to gauge whether I was being truthful or not. After a few seconds, she gently put me back on my hooves right in front of her, "Very well, but there'll be no sneaking out of this."

"OK, but you promise you won't tell anyone?"

"I've said I wouldn't tell anypony, and I won't. Nor will I use that knowledge into blackmail you into doing anything I want."

I looked up in surprise at that, "You won't?"

"Of course not! I would never do anything so unladylike." 

"Yet you're dragging me to a spa against my will?"

"You threatened to give me a mud bath."

"But you like mud baths."

"Not the sort of mud bath you had in mind Apollo."

I scoffed at that, "A little mud never hurt anyone."

"Splendid darling, in that case you can join me in having your own mud bath."

"BUT I DON'T WANT ONE!"

Rarity looked back to me with a sinister, spine chilling smirk, "A little mud never hurt anyone.....darling."





I hate Rarity.

I absolutely, hate her.

I hate her smooth and pristine white fur.

I hate her curly purple mane.

I hate her curly purple tail.

I hate her delicate hooves.

I hate her with every fibre of my being.

Albeit not as much as Sparkle Butt or Twatjack.

Every iota of manhood I have is being slowly washed away in, of all things, a mud bath.

My words came back to haunt me.

Who in their right mind would willingly cover themselves in dirt just to clean it off straight afterwards?

"Stop pouting Apollo," Rarity said and Lotus applied mud to her face, "A mud bath is a proven treatment for revitalising the body and easing muscle and joint pain."

"I'm in the prime of my life! I don't need 'revitalising'," I retorted, using my hooves to make inverted commas, "And I don't have muscle or joint pains."

"Maybe not, but it won't do you any harm to stay in the 'prime of your life'. Besides, you enjoyed the steam room."

Did I mention I hate Rarity?

"It was almost like you had experienced it before," she continued.

"We have something similar in Russia," I replied.

I couldn't see if she was pleased as cucumber slices where placed over my eyes, quickly followed by the feeling of hooves applying shit mud to my face. But from the tone of her voice, I knew I had gotten her attention and she wouldn't let up until she had more information.

"You must tell me more darling," she said excitedly.

I sighed, again cursing myself for not keeping my mouth shut.

"In Russia, I have on many occasions enjoyed Banya."

"What is 'Banya'?"

"It's a small room where people experience dry or wet heat sessions. Temperatures reach close to the boiling point of water and the steam and high heat makes bathers perspire."

"Fascinating darling, does anything else happen in these spas?"

"Bathers may hit each other with banny venik. It helps improve circulation apparently."

"And what is 'banny venik'?"

"It's Russian for 'bath broom'. They can be made from birch wood, and bathers would hit each other with them to help relieve muscle and joint pain, amongst other things."

I wonder if Rarity would like it if I spanked her flanks with a birch branch?

"I heard that Apollo!"

Shit.

Did I say that out loud?

"Yes you did you dirty minded colt!"

Yes I did.

And she heard it.

Fuck.

......

There was a very long, awkward silence.

What does one say after saying such a thing, albeit unintentionally aloud, and when you can't go anywhere due to being in a bath full of mud and cucumber slices over your eyes?

"Soooooo," I continued awkwardly, "What next after the mud bath?"

"What's next?" she replied with a little shrill, "What's next? You ask what's next after making that lewd comment?!"

"I'm sorry! I only intended to think it!"

Smooth Vladdy boy, real smooth.

"How is that any better?!" she demanded to know, the increasing shrill in her voice piercing my super pony hearing.

"W-w-well, a-at least I wouldn't have said it."

"I suppose that true," she grumbled, "But don't think I won't forget what you said!"

I wisely decided to stay quiet for the remainder of the mud bath, instead I just listened to Rarity witter on about dresses and fashion, though I did occasionally give the odd 'yes' to a few questions.

No idea what the questions where though.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.





My torture spa treatment continued for a while longer. After the mud bath I was then subjected the horrors of a hooficure, my mane being washed and styled into a spikey manner, my fur being brushed and lotions applied, my tail being brushed and my hooves polished.

I don't care how fantastic I felt or how much I actually enjoyed it, I hated every moment of it. Anything that says otherwise is fake news.

Anyway, Rarity and I were walking out of the spa after Rarity had booked another visit in a weeks time.

An appointment that included me.

"Fluttershy will be joining us next week."

"Joining you you mean? I won't be there."

"Oh yes you will Apollo. I've already booked the appointment and paid for a full, deluxe treatment for the three of us."

"I'm not going," I replied firmly and defiantly, "I will not subject myself to that misery again."

"What misery? You enjoyed yourself, did you not?"

"No, I did not."

"Don't lie to me Little Bunny. I saw the look on your face when your fur was being cleaned and your mane styled. You enjoyed being pampered."

I said nothing. Unfortunately Rarity took my silence as her being correct.

"Come along Little Bunny," she said cheerfully, "Our pampering has left me thirsty. There's a cafe nearby, so come along and join me for a cup of tea and some toasted teacakes. All on me, of course."

How the hell could I refuse that?

Damn my English blood.

"Lead the way," I replied, somewhat looking forward to free tea and teacakes.





LATER IN THE DAY, APPROX 6PM

I was sat on my plot in Rainbow's house, watching on slightly scared as Pinkie bounced around putting the party decorations in place. Seeing her like this made me wonder if Pinkie had an 'OFF' switch, or at least a lower setting. How could anyone stay so hyperactive almost all the time?

I'd be knackered after five minutes.

Anyway, I took the liberty of bringing some drinks I bought in the form of Pear Cider; and was downing a refreshing gulp when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Rainbow called out, flying from the kitchen to the front door.

After a few moments, the invited party guests walked in.

Along with a not invited party guest.

"Hello Apollo."

"Hello Twilight," I replied with all the fake happiness I could muster, which is to say not much at all, "What brings you here?"

"Pinkie told me she was lending her balloon to allow some ponies attend a party here. As I know how to operate one, I volunteered to bring them here."

Did I mention Pinkie sent herself to Rainbow's cloud-house via canon shot?

And ignore any report or rumour of me screaming like a little filly when her head popped through Rainbow's cloud garden when I was trying to relax in the afternoon sun. It's all fake news.

"You volunteered out of the goodness of your heart?"

Twilight nodded proudly.

"Or did you use the party as excuse to try and pry more information from me?"

"Absolutely not!" she replied looking offended, "I admit I want to get to know you better but I would never use ponies for personal gain!"

"Then what's with all the parchment and quills?" I asked, pointing a hoof at her saddle bags.

Twilight sighed sadly, looking downbeat, "I brought them just in case you wanted to share anything else about you."

"Why are you so interested in me? Why didn't you show the same kind of interest in that creature?"

"That mon-....that creature was violent and incapable of speaking."

"How do you know that? I'm told he did speak, but that was ended when he was gagged."

"That was to prevent it from eating anypony! And it's speech was no more than mimicking what it heard ponies say."

"Where is your evidence to support your claim?" I asked calmly.

My perfectly reasonable question caused Twilight to clench her teeth and glare angrily at me, "Here you go again! Contradicting me when you were not even present to something I witnessed myself!"

"You just don't want to admit you're wrong and risk being sent back to Magic Kindergarten. And this is the THIRD TIME you have approached me like this. I would have thought after what I told you earlier would have been enough."

Twilight began lighting her horn up, probably to blast me with the pony equivalent of Expelliarmus, or Avada Kedavra. Fortunately for me, Pinkie Pie popped in to save my hide.

"Come on you two! Don't be grumpy ponies before the party even begins!" she said, wrapping her forelegs around myself and Twilight, pulling us both in for a hug. 

She eventually let go and bounced away, leaving me and Twilight to scowl at one another.

"Hey, Apollo!"

I turned to face Vinyl, seeing clearly my own reflection on her awesome shades, "Hey Vinyl. What's up?"

I bumped hooves with her.

"Not much. Oh by the way, you can pick up you record player later if you like."

"I don't have the bits just yet."

"I'll put it on credit and you can pay it back when you can."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure I am. Come on over after the party and we'll sort things out."

"OK, thanks for that," I replied, slightly taken back at how quickly I could get something on credit and without having to sign my life away or answer every question imaginable about my finances.

"No problem," she replied, before looking over to Twilight and then back to me, "I heard you arguing with her."

"Yeah, we did. Again," I replied, watching as Twilight walked away to talk to Rainbow.

"She's still trying to find out more about you?"

I nodded, "If she wasn't approaching it like an interrogation then maybe I would be more willing to talk."

"Haven't you thought about maybe negotiating a deal for her to talk to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you said she had some items you wanted back. So why not offer to talk to her in exchange for the items?"

That did sound like a good idea. I could get my shit back and satisfy Twilight (at least a little bit).

"I'll try. If it works though I will have to see you about transferring my music onto vinyl discs. You'd help with that wouldn't you?"

"You really think I'd miss a chance to hear some banging new tunes?"

"I guess not."

There was a few moments of silence as Vinyl just looked at me intensely, squinting slightly behind her shades.

"Something wrong?" I asked nervously.

"Did you do something to your fur?"

"No," I replied rather quickly and panicky.

"You sure?" Vinyl replied sceptically, "Your dinner plate eyes say otherwise."

"Nothing, it's just the sunlight."

"We're inside," Vinyl deadpanned.

"And-"

"And the sun's already gone down," she added.

Busted again.

"Come on Apollo," she said, placing a hoof on my shoulder, "What happened?"

I pouted and scuffed the floor with a hoof, "I had a spa session with Rarity."

As I expected, Vinyl laughed.

"Wow Apollo, I didn't take you for the type who likes to be pampered to."

"I'm not. Rarity forced me to go," I whined defensively.

"Sure she did. A delicate mare like Rarity forcing a big, rugged stallion to a spa session? Please. I also see you had a hooficure as well. "

"So what? I bet you've had them."

"Yeah but I'm a mare. Mares getting hooficures is common, stallions getting them is a.....rarity."

"Oh very funny," I replied, rolling my eyes, "Don't quit your day job if that's the best you can do."

"Meh, even if I did I'd still have my night club business."

"Yeah yeah; must be good, and profitable, running those."

"It can be. But it took a lot of work and borrowing a lot of bits from reluctant bank managers before it finally turned a profit."

"Well hopefully I can start my own engineering firm once my workshop is up and running. That and after I recreate stuff from my homeland I could sell on the designs and live on the royalty payments alone."

"I can't wait to see what you make. Any idea how long before you have anything?"

"No idea. I'd also have to look into finding metalworkers to make components, and another drawback is anything I create would have to be purely mechanical. At least until Equestria creates the microchip."

I thought it best if I didn't mention the cost involved.

"Hey Apollo!" I looked over to see Rainbow flying over to me, "How did it go at the spa with Rarity?"

"It was absolutely delightful. You should go yourself sometime."

Rainbow scoffed, "Like I'd ever do that."

"You should really," I replied, pointing to her hooves, "They do a wonderful hooficure, so good they sort out even your rough hooves."

"There's nothing wrong with my hooves!"

"The look cracked and worn to me."

"That's from all the landings I do."

"Don't land so hard then," I helpfully replied, "I bet you do go to the spa though."

"No I don't," she replied, a light blush showing on her cheeks, "I don't even like it!"

I smirked with delight, "How would you know if you don't like it if you've never been to the spa?"

Rainbow glared at me fiercely and clenched her teeth, "Apollo?"

"Yes, Rainbow Dash?"

"Shut Up."

She flew off before I could respond. I doubt she was actually upset, Rainbow has far thicker skin than most ponies I've met. But she probably would get me back in the future.

Somehow.

I turned back to Vinyl, "So? About those night clubs of yours. Think I can get a tour some time?"

"Sure. But not before you bring some of your banging tunes with you. Got any good ones?"

"I have lots of songs that are ideal for nightclubs and disco's."

Ahhh the 80's, the greatest decade for music.

"Can't wait, but I'd like to hear them first beforehoof."

"Sure thing."

Very soon afterwards, Pinkie finished putting the party decorations up and the putting the food out.

A lot of food.

Mostly cakes.

Good thing ponies have an extremely high tolerance to sugar.

"PARTY'S READY PONIES!"

Who needs a megaphone when you have Pinkie Pie?

All of us immediately began walking over to where the food was prepared and just as quickly began filling our plates. Twilight of course, just had to stand next to me.

How convenient.

"Apollo?" she said.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry about before. I guess I have been coming on a little too strong towards you."

I could have made some snarky remark about her saying she was just 'a little too strong', but why knock the apple out of the hand that offered it? 

Speaking of apples, I suppose I could, or should try to form a truce with Cowgirl. If only to try and form some sort of amicable relationship for when the truth of my true identity comes out. It will do eventually. 

You can't hide the truth forever.

"Don't worry about it. I guess I've been a little antagonistic in response, but please try to understand I've grown up pretty much on my own. I have no family and no friends before I came to Equestria."

Twilight seemed to look genuinely upset as soon as I said that, and placed a hoof on my shoulder, "I'd like to be your friend Apollo, genuinely. I understand if you don't want to be, but if we can't be friends....could we at least get along together?"

Again, she came across as genuine.

I suppose I could try and form an amicable relationship with Twilight too, it would help in trying to get my things back. Sort of what like Vinyl suggested.

"I suppose so."

The next instant Twilight smiled happily and gave me a hug.

Unexpected, but pleasant.

Have I said before how awesome pony hugs are?

"Thank you Apollo."

"You're welcome. By the way, have you solved the Rubik's Cube yet?"

Twilight immediately let go and began stomp her hooves, "How can anypony solve that? It's impossible!"

"I assure you it's not."

Twilight narrowed her eyes and got her nose so close it almost touched mine, "Prove it."

"OK I will. I'll come over tomorrow and show you."

"No. Not tomorrow. Now," she said taking a few steps backwards.

And with a sudden flash of her horn she teleported it in front of her and then levitated it over to me.

I took the cube into my own magic and rotated it around, examining where each colour was, all the while Twilight was not paying attention to myself, "It can't be done. Whoever invented clearly doesn't know how to make puzzle games."

"Uh huh," I replied, only half listening as I twisted and turned the cube.

"I mean," Twilight continued, "Why create a puzzle if it's impossible to solve?"

"Twilight," I said.

"It's a fruitless endeavour that will only frustrate the player."

"Twilight," I said again.

"I know what I'll do. I'll create a puzzle game myself to show how one should be made properly."

"Twilight!"

This time she looked at, looking a little like a deer in headlights.

I floated the cube into view, "I've done it."

Twilight blinked, "You've what?"

"I've completed the cube."

Twilight took the cube out of my magic and began examining it thoroughly like a jeweller would a diamond.

"I've not cheated Twilight, scan it if you don't believe me."

"I am doing.......and I can't find any signs of magical manipulation except for traces of your levitation spell."

She set the cube on the floor in front of her and then looked back up to me, "How did you do it?"

I just shrugged my shoulders, "Practice."

Suddenly and without warning, she threw herself at me.

"YOU MUST TELL ME!" she pleaded, her hooves wrapped firmly around my neck and her eyes on the brink of tears. By chance I glanced to my side and saw we had an audience.

"How long have you lot been watching?" I asked.

"Since you both started talking," Rarity replied, "I must say though, the two of you look pretty sweet together."

"WE DO NOT!" Twilight and I said simultaneously, the former having now unhugged me.

"And where the bloody hell did you come from?" I asked, glaring at her, "I don't recall seeing you come in!"

"Language Apollo!" she scolded, "Anyway, I heard there was a party at Rainbow's, and since she too is a friend of mine I asked if I could come along too."

"Well," I groaned, "This is Rainbow's place, so...her castle, her rules. All that's missing is the country hick. Hasn't she got back from Canterlot yet?"

"We don't know when she'll be back," Rarity replied, scowling at me a little.

"No doubt she'll be pleased to see me again," I said, "I wonder where she'll hit me next time."

"She won't hit you again," Rarity replied, "Unless you give her reason to."

"Fair enough, but if she hits me I will defend myself."

"Like last time?"

"I wasn't expecting last time, otherwise I would have done."

"Come on guys," Rainbow said flying in, "Let's just enjoy the party."

That's easier said than done when there's ponies around who hate you.





I was sat on my plot on a very comfy bean bag chair stuffing my face with cakes, listening to the songs being played on Rainbow's music system. Countess Coloratura I think was being played. It didn't sound too bad, though it's still far superior than anything Justin Bieber or One Direction can do. I was stuffing another mouthful of cake into my mouth when I saw Lyra approach.

"Hey Lyra."

"Hey Apollo, how's things going?" she asked as she sat on the bean bag chair.

Right next to me.

So close our fur brushed against each other.

"OK, despite certain.....issues."

"Yeah you don't need to tell me."

"I never did get the chance before to thanks you for managing to save some of my things."

"Don't worry about it, I'm just sorry I couldn't get it all."

"No need to apologise, you got what you could. I just need to get the rest from Twilight."

"Why does she have them?"

"She 'confiscated' them from the 'monster', and is trying to find out what they are. I've already offered my assistance and she refused, saying it's not my special talent, the after a short argument she dumped me outside."

"Why did she do that?"

"I told her there's nothing wrong with being wrong."

"Sheesh, she really doesn't like it when someone says something she doesn't like."

"Nope. But I'm going to see if I can get my things back by telling her a bit more about where I come from."

Lyra was about to say something but I held up my hoof to stop her, "Don't worry, I won't say anything that will reveal who I am. Though the day will come when she will find out."

I felt Lyra's hoof on my shoulder, "Well when that day comes, you can count on me to be there defending you."

"Thanks Lyra."

"Anytime Vlad," she replied, nuzzling me.

She hopped up off the chair and trotted away, probably back to Bon Bon, leaving me and the blush on my cheeks.

She's only a friend.

I was immediately joined by Pinkie.

"Hiya Apollo!"

"Hi Pinkie."

"Are you enjoying the party"

"For the most part."

Pinkie seemed to deflate a little and looked at me looking slightly upset, "Is something wrong? Are you upset?"

"Yes-no!....well....not exactly."

"What do you mean?" she asked, bouncing up and sitting right next to me.

Did you know her mane smells like strawberry bubblegum?

"I......I just miss home I guess."

"I know how you feel."

Her tone of voice was one of sincerity, like she truly knew how it feels to be far from home.

"You do?"

"Sure I do. I knew that I had to leave to fulfil my destiny, and staying on my families rock farm I wouldn't have been able to do so. I still see them, but not often."

I sighed tiredly, looking down at my hooves in sadness, "At least you still have your family. I'm an only child and both of my parents are dead."

"Are there no others in your family?"

I shook my head, "There are my grandparents on my mother's side, but neither of them want anything to do with me. They disowned my mother after she married my father."

Pinkie gasped, "Why would they do that?"

"It's complicated."

It wasn't really, but I just couldn't be bothered to go into details right now. That and it would involve long history lessons in explaining the Cold War and all it involved.

I don't know if Pinkie bought it or she just knew I wasn't feeling like giving a history lesson, either way....she didn't press for answers. Unlike certain other ponies.

"OK, but if you ever want to talk, you know I'll listen...right?"

"Sure I do," I replied smiling.

"Great!" she replied happily, hugging me gently before bouncing away, "See you around Vlad."

Wait, what?
> Chapter - 9 - The Party Part II
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

How the fuck fucking hell does Pinkie know?

Wait, don't answer that. The answer terrifies me.

For all my efforts to blend in and try to get by, everyone seems to know who I am.

And I'm supposed to be in disguise.

Fortunately though, Apple-what's-her-face and Sparklebutt seem to be unaware.

How I look forward to seeing the looks on their faces when they find out who I am. I'm guessing they will the rate I'm going.

Anyway I had a party to try and enjoy. I walked over to one of the sofas in the room and positioning a pillow against the armrest, laid on my back and rested my plate on my belly.

"Comfortable?"

I managed to suppress a groan.

"Very much so, what can I do for you Twilight?"

"I just wondered if you wanted to talk."

"What about?"

"About anything. Maybe about this workshop Princess Celestia mentioned."

I extended a hoof and pointed to the empty seat opposite. Twilight beamed with joy and hopped up enthusiastically, bouncing the cushion in the process and nearly knocking my plate onto the floor. Fortunately I held it in place with my awesome magic.

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

"Well, I suppose a starting point would be what it is you plan to make."

"Nothing just yet."

"Why not?" she asked, tilting her head at me in confusion.

"I need supplies first, then there's the task of getting all the right components so I recreate what's in my homeland; many of which will have to be built from scratch. I'll need to shop around and find manufacturers capable of delivering what I require."

"Can't you make them yourself?"

"I'm an aeronautical and aerospace engineer not a metallurgist. But from what I've been reading on Equestria, you do have the ability to create the parts I need."

"What parts do you need making?"

"Too many to mention, but I'll provide the necessary blueprints when I'm ready."

"I still doubt your claim about internal combustion to be possible."

"It is," I replied firmly, "Though I do have the problem of finding a fuel source."

"Fuel source?"

"Petrol or diesel for what I'm creating."

"What are they and what's the difference?" Twilight asked, magicking a quill and some parchment into view.

I wasn't too surprised by that, Twilight taking notes. It doesn't bother me though, she can take all the notes she wants.

"Petrol, simply put, is a transparent liquid that is used in internal combustion engines where sparks are required to ignite the fuel. Diesel fuel differs in that it's a specific fractional distillate of crude oil, and used in appropriately named diesel engines "

"What's the difference between petrol and diesel engines?" Twilight asked, still scratching away with her quill.

"Petrol engines are internal combustion engines with spark ignition, diesel engines are internal combustion engines where fuel is ignited due by mechanical compression of the air inside the combustion chamber."

I stuffed some more cake into my mouth as Twilight scribbled away, the sound of her quill on parchment sounding like nails on a chalkboard; but not quite as bad. I decided to continue while I was in the mood, and if I told her enough she might just hand over my things.

"Then there's the turbofan engine I'm going to design and build."

"What's a turbofan engine?"

"An air breathing engine used to propel aircraft through the air. With no need for magic."

Twilight dropped her quill and parchment and stared at me in shock. I very quickly prepared myself for claims that that was impossible.

"But how would you do that without magic?!"

"By building engines and attaching it or them to aircraft capable of flying. You don't need magic to do everything Twilight."

"But magic is involved with pretty much everything! Without it, a society cannot function!"

"Mine did."

Twilight sighed and rubbed her face with a hoof, "I'm trying to be reasonable and understanding Apollo, but when you say that you don't need magic to do things.....I can't even fathom how you came to such a conclusion. In every society known to pony kind, magic is used in one form or another. It's never completely absent."

"It is where I come from, in fact; long ago those accused of using magic where executed for being a witch."

Twilight's eyes almost boggled out of her head, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"Very. Complete nonsense though, because as I've said where I come from magic doesn't exist."

"Then explain your horn."

"We thought they were purely decorative. When I first came to Equestria, Princess Celestia and some others tutored me in how to use it. I remember being able to feel magic for the first time."

"How did it feel?"

"Painful. I had several headaches for weeks as my mind adjusted to the new sensation. Because I had never felt magic before, never mind use it, it was a little too much for my brain to cope with."

"That makes sense I guess, but I'm still not believing you when you say magic doesn't exist where you come from. Magic exists everywhere. Without it, life cannot exist. That has been proven beyond irrefutable doubt."

"How so? The universe is a big place, you can't say that unless you have the evidence to support it."

"Magic is just as important to life as water, it has been a proven fact for centuries," Twilight reiterated, her teeth beginning to clench and eyes frown.

"And internal combustion is impossible as well?"

"Yes. I've told you before that even the smartest ponies in Equestria have stated as such, and despite multiple experiments have never achieved it."

They've actually tried it? And failed? That changes things a little in that they at least tried, but giving up won't get you anywhere. Just because you can't do it doesn't mean it's not possible.

"I'd be interested in reading more about these experiments."

"I have all the papers on the experiments in my library, I'd be happy to lend them to you."

"OK, I can come over tomorrow if you like."

"Very well. Shall we say 12pm? We could have lunch together first if you're interested?"

"Fine with me."

Before either of us could talk any further, Rainbow burst into the room; hovering above us.

"Hey you guys!"

"Hey Rainbow," I replied, "What's up?"

"We've all decided to head down to the pub. Wanna come with us? It's music night!"

"You had me at 'pub'," I replied, "I'll go, and show all of you fluffy little ponies how to properly drink."

"You like drinking?"

"I could drink all of Ponyville under the table then move onto Canterlot and do the same thing again."

"Yeah, sure you could," Rainbow replied sceptically.





Within a few minutes we were all entering the pub in question. A medieval looking tavern/inn that wouldn't have looked out of place in The Witcher or The Elder Scrolls. The interior was timber frame pillars and beams supporting the roof, and a stone fireplace at the side of the room provided plenty of warmth. Numerous circular tables were spaced around, many of which were occupied by ponies, some of which I recognised from seeing around town. Fire lit lantern hung from walls and pillars, gently illuminating the interior in a warm, comforting glow.

The sound of food also filled my nose, good thing really. Cake isn't really filling for me, and what's a tavern without good food? 

We all quickly found an empty table near the fireplace and soon began deciding on what we would all have to drink. I looked through the list of drinks to see if there any local ales worth trying. The proper stuff; not the weak, diluted rat piss that Americans think pass as booze. Looking through the list I found something that sounded appealing. Something that also reminded me of Wales.

"I'll have a pint of Sheepshagger's Valley."

Everyone looked at me like I'd just taken a dump on Celestia's rose garden.

"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"That's one of the strongest ales in Equestria!" Twilight replied.

"So? How much alcohol is in it?"

"2.4%."

I blinked, completely dumbfounded. How could they be shocked at such a pitifully low amount of silly juice? It seems though, that they mistook my silence and look of shock, as being unaware of the 'strength' of the ale.

"Don't worry Apollo," Twilight replied, "There's a much more manageable ale with just 0.3% alcohol. Why not have that instead?"

0.3%? 

Its mere existence is deeply insulting.

"0.3%?" I repeated.

"Yes," Twilight replied, "It will be-"

"No! I'm having a Sheepshagger's Valley!"

They all began to look at one another with increasing worry. Did I agree to go drinking with lightweights?

"But-"

"But nothing Twilight. 2.4% is nothing to me. Where I come form we have alcoholic drinks with up to 50% alcohol in them. In Russia, a drink called vodka contains at least 40% alcohol."

"40%! But that would kill you!"

"Only in excessive amounts, which is what happened to my father and why myself am sort of addicted to booze."

"How is that?"

"My father was already an alcoholic before I was born, and no I will not go into more detail; I'm not in the mood to do so right now. Now, I'm having a Sheepshaggers and that's that."

That was indeed that as no more was said on the matter. My drink was brought to me and I was the only one with anything that could be called a decent drink. My drink had more alcohol in it that the rest of the drinks put together. Twilight even had her 0.1% 'Light' beer diluted with lemonade.

She might have well had a glass of water.

I lifted up my mug of ale and began to rink, noticing as I did so the others watching on with keen interest. Twilight in particular looked like she was waiting to say 'I told you so'.

Unfortunately for her, she wouldn't get the chance to say those words.

I downed the whole pint in a matter of seconds.

Firmly planting the mug back down onto the table, I looked up to see several open mouths, apparently in disbelief that anyone could drink in that matter.

"That was rather good, I'll go and get another," I said hopping up and going over to the bar.

I got my drink and returned quickly, the girls chatting amongst themselves as they did so. Rainbow seemed quite pleased with by booze drinking capabilities. Twilight less so.

No surprises there then.

Sitting back down I also dumped into the table some snacks I picked up at the bar; dry roasted peanuts, pork scratchings, cheese and onion crisps and what not, "Here you all are, help yourselves."

"Thanks Apollo," Rainbow replied, enthusiastically opening a bag of crisps.

"You're welcome Dash. By the way, what time does the music start?"

"Not for about another thirty minutes," Twilight replied, "Thank you for the snacks by the way."

"You're welcome."

Thirty minutes passed and all we did was drink and eat. And occasionally chat. None of them though, not even Rainbow, could quite believe how much I could drink...from their perspective at least. From my perspective, what I was drinking would be easy for even amateur drinkers from Europe and Australia.

I was just starting my finishing my third pint and starting my fourth when there was the tapping of hooves on the floor, coming from the stage area. The pony disturbing the piece was a navy blue unicorn with what looked like a star constellation on his butt cheeks.

"Good evening everypony, how are you all tonight?"

Cheering and stomping hooves violated my ears drums as the townsfolk replied in good spirits, clearly excited for whatever performance was planned for the night.

"Well that's great to hear because we've got a one Tartarus of a performance for you all tonight."

So long as I don't have to join in I don't-

"And of course don't forget to sing along as well!"

Fuck. 

Oh well, if I sound like a strangled cat I can just put it down to the booze.

The ponies on stage began setting up their instruments such as lutes and flutes, and were soon ready.

I sincerely hoped that  they would be at least good enough to make me consider this not a wasted night, but a creeping shadow of doubt crawled into my mind and reminded me of where I am and how the locals think.

Hopefully, my fears would be misplaced this time.





I couldn't have been more wrong.

The performance was bloody awful.

Not because they can't sing, they could.

But because of the cutesy, nauseous, vomit inducing lyrics about happiness, sunshine and rainbows.

Nothing about them would make me feel proud to be a pony or an Equestrian, but then again if I grew up here I would have been as blissfully ignorant and creepily happy as all of them.

Cheering and stomping hooves filled the room as the performers bowed to the trained circus seals that were the audience.

Unfortunately, another patron noticed me not clapping along.

"There's a pony not happy!" he shouted, pointing a hoof at me.

Suddenly everyone stopped doing whatever it was they were doing and looked at me. Is it a crime here to not smile or look happy?

I looked around the room and saw only dozens of huge, beady eyes all looking at me.

Honestly, it was a little creepy.

"What?" I nervously asked.

"Are you OK?" asked the same pony who ratted me out.

"I'm fine, why?"

"You just didn't join in with the rest of us."

"So?"

"Well, normally all ponies join in. I was just curious as to why you didn't."

"One, I don't know the words and-"

Gasps sounded out around the room.

"How can you not know the words to any of those songs? Everypony knows them!"

"Well I'm not from Equestria. I come from the Russian Federation."

"Where's that?"

"Far away."

Before they could question me further, I carried on my reasons for not knowing the words to their songs.

"And the second reason is because even if I did know the words, I still wouldn't sing along because I think those songs were utter shit."

Gasps once again sounded around the room and were quickly followed by some angry shouting.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!"

"OUR SONGS ARE NOT THAT NAUGHTY WORD YOU USED!"

"THEY'RE BETTER SONGS THAN WHATEVER YOU HAVE!"

That last one got my attention. Russia has many folk songs than give a deeper insight to the Russian people and our history, how we lived and struggled through the ages. These ponies have absolutely no idea what hardship is.

No idea at all.

"You lot know NOTHING of Russia!"

"Then enlighten us," replied a mare on stage, the one who sung most of the songs, "Come on up here and let us hear songs from your homeland."

The mare didn't speak angrily or high and mightily, but simply as trying to keep the peace; she sounded genuinely interested in what I could show. 

Despite my reluctance, I got up and began walking towards the stage.

"The only thing is though, without music it would only be a cappella."

"Do you have music available?"

I did, but it was on my phone. If Twilight knew I even had it, never mind seeing it then it's likely she could fins out who I really am. I was about to say no until another pony spoke on my behalf.

"Yeah he does!" Rainbow answered, taking to the air and hovering above the table.

Damn it Rainbow, I thought.

"He showed me it earlier, it's awesome!"

I was about deny it when I saw Rainbow making motions with her hooves as she was hovering, almost like she was playing a......

Rainbow you clever little minx.

As expected, Twilight began looking at me in a scrutinising manner, oblivious to Rainbow's subtle message.

"Is this true Apollo?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied, straining to hold in my delight in pulling a fast one over Twilight.

"Where is it?"

"In my hotel room. I'll go and get it now, if you like?"

Twilight nodded and I quickly began walking out, "I won't be long, surely you can all wait about ten minutes."

As I walked out, I noticed Twilight watching me as I did so. 





Within ten minutes I returned to the tavern with my piano accordion. An absolute beast of an instrument which, now I'm a pony, seems almost as big as me. I went up on stage and sat on a chair the mare singer provided. 

"So," I started, "You all want to hear songs from my homeland right? Particularly folk songs?"

A room of enthusiastic ponies nodded their heads.

I sighed and quickly chose a song to play.

Katyusha.

I've not really done vocals AND accordion together before, usually one or the other. But I know both well enough to get through.

(Author's note: Embedded videos are so you know what songs he's singing, just imagine it's just him and his accordion though)



"That song was called Katyusha, a song about a woman who longs to be with her partner again who has gone away on military service."

"That was great Apollo!" Pinkie replied excitedly, "OK I didn't understand anything you said but it was still great."

"Thanks Pinkie. Did you know that Katyusha was also the name given to artillery rockets used to destroy Nazis?"

"You say that like you're proud of it," Twilight commented, not doing much to hide contempt.

"I am. Believe me Twilight when I say that destroying Nazis was a good thing."

Before she could continue and ignoring the shocked looks of the locals, I carried on and I knew the perfect song considering what I just said to Twilight.

"The next is a song called Священная война which translates to 'The Sacred War'. It's about the Battle of Stalingrad, in which the citizens of the city stood defiant against Nazi parasites for almost six months, suffering starvation, freezing temperatures and the deaths of half a million soldiers and civilians on the Soviet side alone."

"That's totally barbaric!" Twilight cried, "You can solve your friendship problems without resorting to violence."

What Twilight said, for the first time caused me genuine shock. I know Twilight's a little naive when it comes to how life actually is but this takes the biscuit. How can anyone be that dense and ignorant?

"Twilight, there are so many things wrong with what you just said."

"But-"

"Sometimes a mouth should only permit chewing food to be its function," I replied, cutting her off.

That shut her up, and then I started playing.



"Next is the Марш сталинской артиллерии which translated means 'Song of the Artillerymen'."


I played some more songs after that, giving a brief explanation and history lesson behind the songs and how they came about, though Twilight still insisted that the Soviet Union should have solved its 'friendship problem' with the Nazis without resorting to violence. 

If only she knew.

After those I decided to play a song that existed even before the Civil War, when Russia was stilled ruled by the Tsars.

"Next is Эй, ухнем!, known in Russian as 'The Song of the Volga Boatmen'. It's about the barge haulers who literally hauled barges on the Volga river a long time ago. Very physically demanding and exhausting, very little pay, atrocious working conditions, to say it was a struggle is an understatement."

"Then why not adapt the area to your needs?" asked Twilight.

I couldn't help but laugh at such naivety,  "Oh Twilight; you do not adapt Russia to your needs, Russia adapts you to her needs!"

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't, you're not Russian."



There was stomping of hooves and cheering when I finished, clearly the locals were impressed. Not all of them though. Twilight was scowling and had her forelegs folded, looking at me angrily and I can only imagine what she was thinking.

I just kept looking at her as the cheering dies down, never taking my eyes off of her. Soon though, everyone realised we were staring at one another and turned their attention to it, wondering what may happen.

"Is something wrong Twilight?" I asked.

"No, why would there be?"

"You look rather angry. Is it because I was singing in Russian, a language you don't understand?"

"No," she replied, though it looked reluctant.

"Then what is it?"

"It's you!"

I couldn't help but groan and roll my eyes, "What have I done now?"

"You come into Ponyville claiming to be from a place I can't find on any map, speak a language I've never heard of, cause one of my friends to get arrested, claim to be educated in fields that contradict your cutie mark and you keep secrets from everypony!"

"Just because you can't find something doesn't mean it's not there, you've never heard of my language because Equestrian ponies never travel abroad, Applejack assaulted me and was rightfully arrested, I AM educated in aerospace and aeronautical engineering and I can keep as many secrets as I want. Considering how much of a blabbermouth you are it's a wise choice."

"I am not a blabbermouth!"

"You went running off to Celestia after I refused to tell you about myself, and surprise surprise she shows up."

"That's Princess Celestia to you and I was writing a report to her on your behaviour."

"Like I said, you're a blabbermouth. And what's with the antagonism again? One minute your friendly, the next your hostile. Make your bloody mind up!"

"Stop swearing!"

"I didn't swear."

"Yes you did, you said....well I'm not going to repeat  it."

"What? Bloody?"

"I said don't swear!"

"Bloody is not swearing."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is!"

"No it fucking isn't," I replied firmly, noting the looks of horror coming from the fluffy, emotionally fragile locals, "Now if you don't mind, your whining has given me a headache."

Twilight grunted in frustrated annoyance. Clearly I was getting to her. Not like it's difficult to do that. I only have to speak a few words of Russian and it sets her off like a Katyusha rocket launcher.

"How can you be like this? Is everypony in Russia like you?!"

"Pretty much, though far uglier and drunker."

"If that's the case then you can guarantee that I won't be going to Russia."

"Your loss," I replied with a shrug of my shoulders, "You've no idea what you're missing out on. Russia is such a deeply misunderstood country, it's people too."

"I doubt it."

"You want to know more about where I come from, yet you would not go there if you had the chance?"

"Why would I want to to a place where ponies kill each other, are rude and aggressive, swear, keep secrets from each other and lie about their special talents?"

I got up off of the stage and approached Twilight like a predator ready to pounce on its prey; which I sort of was going to do. I stopped right in front of her and looked deep into Twilight's eyes, the fear behind them evident. 

"You're afraid of me."

"No I'm not!"

"Don't insult me by denying it. It's obvious. You're afraid of me, you see me as a threat to Equestria and your simple way of life. You're afraid of the technological advancements I can bring and the effects it will have on Equestria."

"Ponies have no such need for such technology. We live a simple way of life and the technology you intend to recreate will damage that."

"Is that the reason why you attacked that creature? You were afraid of what his presence would do to Equestria? Reveal that there is life out there and throw a spanner into the works on everything you thought you knew?"

"I AM NOT AFRAID OF SOME HAIRLESS APE!" she yelled with clenched teeth, sparks flying off of her horn.

She took a moment to calm down and carried on speaking, this time at a lower volume, "I am afraid of what will happen to Equestria and ponies if technology takes over!"

"Волко́в боя́ться, в лес не ходи́ть." (Volkov boyat'sa, v les ne khodit.) 

"What did you say?!"

"It's a Russian saying. I said 'Just because one fears wolves, is one not to go into the woods?'."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that fear is no excuse from necessary undertakings, even if there's potential risk."

"Ponies should never be put at risk!"

"No pain, no gain. You'll never get anywhere in life if you always play it safe."

Twilight snorted and let out a small laugh, "It's ironic you should say that."

"How so?"

"Well from what you said earlier about your father and grandfather, they didn't play it safe and look what happened."

I'll admit that hearing that hurt more than I expected. Whilst there was some degree of truth to what she said, she still didn't truly comprehend the reasons why that stuff happened. I was going to chastise her but fortunately Rainbow beat me to it.

"Take it easy Twilight! You heard Apollo earlier about what happened to his family."

"I don't have to listen to this," Twilight replied, walking away with a dismissive wave of her hoof.

Myself and everyone else watched on as she walked out, staying silent until she was out of the building.

"Just what is her problem?" I asked.

"I really wish I knew," replied Rainbow, "I've never seen her like this."

"Well let's just let her have her little temper tantrum," I replied, "There's still plenty of drinking to be done."





Middnight approached and that meant one thing.

Lock up.

To most law abiding citizens they would leave and go home, as buying drinks after hours is illegal.

To law abiding citizens who know the law, they would give the barman money upfront to cover any drinks, so that they technically don't buy drinks after hours. And that if police officers did come in for any reason, the argument would be it's a private party where drinks have been consumed but not bought, which is legal.

To say I am delighted that Equestria has a lock-in tradition is an understatement.

There's an element of rebelliousness to drinking after hours. You're sort-of-but-not-technically-breaking-the-law with drinking after hours, and it's not really harming anyone.

Win win.

Listening to all the music being played reminded me greatly of traditional English folk music that is sadly disappearing and if certain people had their way, would be wiped from history altogether.

Sometimes I feel great pride in having English and Russian heritage. Sadly though, the former no longer has the balls it once had to defend it.

(Below is an example of what English folk music sounds like, and something similar is being played in the pub where Apollo is staying)


More hours passed with much more drinking and singing, a virtually no-one had had left since Twilight; we were all too busy enjoying ourselves. The loud-ish noise had been almost constant, much to my relief. A quiet and empty pub is an unsettling place and goes against nature.

The band moved on from folk music and on to some hot jazz. I never would have guessed that these cuddly, furry little ponies would have such a great taste in music. Maybe it was just their folk songs that were boring. It seems I judged them too soon. 

As the tune ended and the audience applauded, there was a harsh knock on the door; immediately bringing the whole pub into a eerie silence.

"Who the fuck would be calling at this hour?" I asked aloud.

I staggered up and walked over to the door, removing the latch and opening the door to see a rather pissed off looking white unicorn stallion with a blue mane. He looked like the sort of person who tries to act tough, but really is a weak beta male sissy.

A bit like Justin Trudeau.

"Who are you?" I slurred slightly.

Cut me some slack, I have drunk fourteen pints of ale and ten double whiskeys.

"I am Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard!" he said with an angry scowl.

So he's one of those types with a stick up his arse.

How I love bringing toss pots like that back down to Earth.

"I'm Apollo."

"Stand aside citizen!"

I barely had time to get out of the way before barged his way past and entered the main room of the pub.

Captain Dick Head did not look pleased about something. He stood in front of everyone, still scowling, and everyone looked at him in return. The one's who weren't totally pissed just rolled their eyes at the unwelcome intrusion.

"What is all this noise?!" he demanded to know, looking around at all the pissed ponies.

No-one answered.

"I SAID, WHAT IS ALL THE NOISE YOU WERE MAKING?!"

"The only one making noise right now is you," I said, "And you're intruding in on a private party."

"How dare you speak to me like that! I should have you arrested!"

"What the matter? Can't take a little stick?"

"I am warning you citizen!"

"Calm the fuck down Cuthbert."

"My name is Captain Shining Armor!"

"Whatever, Cuthbert."

Cuthbert gritted his teeth in anger, probably wishing his could stick his sword inside if me.

Interpret that however you want.

"I will ask again, why is there so much noise?"

"We're just having a quiet drink. What's wrong with that?"

"What kind of public house is filled with rambunctious, drunk yahoos at 3AM?"

"Errrr, er.....the best damn public house in Equestria!"

"YEAH!" the patrons cheered, lifting their glasses high into the air.

"You will cease drinking at once! You are breaking the law!"

"No we're not. None of us have bought the drinks we're drinking since lock-up."

"Oh, that old loophole," he said with deeply ingrained disapproval, "I don't know why Princess Luna vetoes every attempt to close it."

"Maybe because she's fun?" I accidentally said aloud.

"I told you to be quiet!"

"Piss up or piss off, Cuthbert!"

Ponies all around the pub began laughing at him, which only enraged him further. 

"You are all under arrest for consuming alcohol after hours!"

"That's not illegal," I said, "We've broken no law so why don't you trot along and leave us be?"

His scowl only hardened.

"You are under arrest."

"On what charge?"

"Inciting socially unacceptable behaviour and speaking inappropriately to the Captain of the Royal Guard."

"Are those real laws or are they ones you pulled out of your arse this morning?" 

I suddenly felt cold and hard metal being locked around my hooves and a clamp on my horn.

"Why are you being such a fucknozzle? Not even the pigs where I'm from are this much of a pissant."

He scowled even more and got his nose so close it was almost touching mine.

He better keep that thing clean.

"Twilight is my little sister."

That explains a lot.

She went off being a blabbermouth again.

I felt myself being dragged off with my hooves in chains. I did expect Rainbow or one of the others to do something but they were either too pissed to be of any use, or just decided to keep their distance.

Can't say I blame them. Cuthbert seemed like he was looking for an issue and a full scale pub riot would have played right into his hooves.

And ruined any chance of drinking after lock up.

And I'd get yet another telling off from Celestia.

I hate it when she does that.

She has this knack of making me feel sorry when really I didn't give a rat's arse a few seconds before.

Anyway, I was dragged out of the pub and taken to the local police station and, quite enthusiastically thrown into a cell by Cuthbert, and for good measure I was shackled to the wall by all four limbs and by a collar around my neck.

After slamming the iron barred door shut and locking it, I looked up to the doorway through the bars and I saw you know who looking smugger than Jeremy Clarkson when he beats Dick and Jim in a race. 

"Hello Apollo," she said with a smug smile that was in need of a good smack, "I'd like to talk to you about some items I found in your hotel room."

In her magical grip I saw the items she was talking about.

My phone, car keys, my Nintendo 2DS XL and games and my Russian copy of War and Peace.

The little bitch had broke into my hotel room and stolen the rest of my shit.

"Twilight?" I said with disturbing calmness.

"Yes Apollo?"

"You are going to find out the hard way what happens when you poke a Russian bear."
> Chapter - 10 - Don't Piss Off A Russian
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And just how do you plan to do anything to me?" she asked with a smug grin, "You're in there, chained to a wall; while I am out here with items you should not have in your possession."

"You broke into my hotel room and stole items that do not belong to you."

"They don't belong to you either. I've told you Apollo, only I can have the monster's items, as only I can work out what they are."

"They do belong to me."

"Really? Because they look remarkably similar to the monster's items."

"Maybe because he gave them to me."

Damn my big mouth.

Again.

Twilight reacted as expected. She launched herself at the door and angrily snarled through it.

"YOU'VE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THE MONSTER?!"

I might as well answer her, and troll her in the process.

"Maybe."

"You will tell me everything, or you will remain here!"

"I will tell you nothing. Also, Cuthbert has no authority to do this to me."

"Yes he does, and his name is Captian Shining Armor!"

"No he doesn't. He's a member of the Girl Guides- sorry I mean the Royal Guard, he has no authority to make an arrest or detain any citizen. He's overstepped his authority in this manner and you have openly admitted to stealing another's possessions."

"I confiscated items, there's a difference."

"You stole them. You have no authority to take the possessions of another person. And I fully intend to press charges against you and your stick-up-his-arse brother including but not limited to theft, false arrest, false imprisonment and harassment."

Twilight rolled her eyes, "None of those actions have been committed against you. You were lawfully arrested for breaching the peace and consuming alcohol after hours."

"Your brother was the one who was doing the shouting, and drinking 'after hours' isn't illegal. Buying them is."

"That's exactly what you did!"

"No, we paid up front before lock-up so we could have our drinks afterwards. Technically, we did not break the law."

"Whatever, you've still broken enough laws to see that you spend several years in prison."

"An Equestrian prison?"

"Yes. Perhaps a stint in one of our prisons would straighten you out. Conditions are tough and brutal and you will learn to behave yourself," she said with smug confidence.

I just burst out laughing.

"Y-you th-think that.."

I couldn't talk more as my laughter had me rolling on the floor with laughter, or at least as much as my chains would allow. 

"I fail to see what is so amusing," Twilight replied, "Equestrian prisons are not nice places to be. You have curfew, only one day per week to spend in the community, mandatory lessons on how to be a better pony and be more accepting of friendship, playing games to force you to be open and NOT KEEP SECRETS....you would break quickly, and even more quickly become a model Equestrian pony."

"Oh Twilight," I said having managed to calm my laughing down, "Russian prisons are brutal, what you just described sounds more like a holiday camp."

"Then enlighten me, what are Russian prisons like?"

"Well, I've never been to one, but I'll tell you about a Russian prison known as Black Dolphin. It holds hundreds of the most dangerous and violent criminals in all of Russia including rapists, child molesters, murderers, cannibals and terrorists. Prisoners at Black Dolphin are prisoners for life. The only way they leave is in a wooden box."

Twilight was beginning to look a little pale.

Good.

"When prisoners are being escorted around by guards, prisoners have their heads forced down to prevent them getting a bearing of their surroundings and working out an escape plan. Prisoners are transported to a large cage for exercise for ninety minutes a day, while they're exercising the guards search the cells for illegal items and contraband; and prisoners are kept under twenty four hour surveillance."

Hang on a minute.....has Twilight always had pale fur?

"Prisoners are not permitted to sit down or lie down from the moment they are awoken to the moment they go back to bed and guards check every fifteen minutes to make sure inmates comply with the rules. And the only food they have is soup four times a day. Prisoners are only permitted books, newspapers and a radio and whenever a prison officer gives them an order, they have to answer with 'Yes, Sir'."

Twilight was visibly shaking.

Is it just Twilight that's this fragile? It doesn't seem to take much to get her on the verge if pissing herself.

"So," I continued, "You think your cushy sounding prisons are anything compared to Russian prisons?"

"We are far more civilised than wherever you come from," she replied shakily, "We would never treat ponies in that manner."

"No, only humans it seems."

She suddenly stopped shaking and looked at me inquisitively, "Humans?"

"The creature you chased and attacked over a misunderstanding."

Twilight snarled aggressively and launched herself towards me, only being stopped by the wrought iron bars.

"A MISUNDERSTANDING?! THAT MONSTER ATTACKED RAINBOW DASH!! EVERYTHING WE DID WAS JUSTIFIED!! AND I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW THE MONSTER!! ARE YOU HIDING IT?! ANSWER ME!!!!"

Wow.

Twilight can get really pissy when she doesn't get her own way.

"I don't have to tell you anything," I replied calmly, "You're deranged, unhinged, irrational...."

"I am not any of those things!"

"All you can do is call the human a 'monster', steal his possessions and get rid of anyone who tries to prove you wrong or do something you can't do yourself."

"Like what?!" she snarled.

"For starters, I don't conform to any of your namby pamby pony ways and I know something you don't."

"I doubt it."

"I know how to use the humans' equipment."

Twilight snorted, "Yeah, sure you do."

"I will be getting that stuff back."

"No you won't."

"Yes I will."

"No you won't. It belongs to me now, and so what if I had to break into your hotel room to get them. They should be in my possession where they can be kept from nosy ponies who don't know what they do."

"Like you?"

"I'm different. I have the intelligence to work out what it does and determine the threat they pose."

"How do you know they're a threat if you don't know what they are?"

"Because I am an educated mare. I wouldn't expect a stallion to be academically knowledgeable on any matter requiring serious, critical thought. All stallions I've met only do menial, manual labour. It's all they're good for really."

"That would be because there's misandrist bitches like you who delude themselves into thinking mares are superior, and therefore can do more complex tasks."

"I'm not a misandrist, I'm just stating facts. Mares are more intelligent than stallions."

"Yet you still haven't worked out what the creatures items do, and I possess a Masters Degree in Aeronautical and Aerospace Engineering."

"Probably a forgery more like, or you just gave the mare chancellor a good rutting to get one."

"Actually the Chancellor of Leeds University when I went there was a stallion."

"So you're a colt-cuddler then?"

"You say that like you have a problem with same-sex relationships."

"I don't have to answer to that. Besides, I doubt he was a real Chancellor. The mare chancellor probably just gave him the title to make him feel special."

There was a few more seconds of silence as we stared each other down, trying to force the other to look away. Soon though, I broke the silence and once more stated an irrefutable truth.

"I am having those items back, Twilight."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"YES. I. AM."

"NO! YOU'RE! NOT!

"Yes he is!"

That wasn't my voice.

Looking over to where the voice came from, I looked over and past Twilight and saw two police ponies approach.

"Mr Apollo, I presume?"

"Yes," I replied, "Who are you?"

"I am Chief Inspector Fair Justice and my colleague here is PC Red Tape. I came here personally inform you that you are to be released immediately."

He turned to his junior colleague and nodded. The PC walked over to the cell and unlocked the door, and after entering the cell he walked over to me and unlocked the chains holding me to the wall. Free once more, I followed the PC out of the cell. Twilight was incredulous. 

"What do you think you are doing?!" she screamed, seemingly oblivious as to whom she was speaking to, "This unicorn is dangerous and harbours dangerous monsters!"

"Enough Miss Sparkle! You are in enough trouble as it is."

Oh boy, this is getting interesting.

"What are you talking about?"

"Myself and my colleague just heard you confess to breaking into the hotel room of Mr Apollo. As it turns out, myself and my colleague were actually at the hotel just now, taking statements from the porter on duty after reporting a break in. I must say, I am deeply shocked that the personal student of Princess Celestia would be the one who broke in and stole private property."

An unrepentant Twilight stood defiant, "I did what was necessary to protect ponies from possible danger." 

"That is our job Miss Sparkle, not yours."

The Chief Inspector nodded once more to his subordinate who walked over and promptly slapped some hoof cuffs onto Twilights forelegs.

"What are you doing?" Twilight asked with a shaky voice.

"Twilight Sparkle," Fair Justice said, "I am placing you under arrest for breaking and entering and theft of private property. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

My items were taken from Twilight who was pushed into, ironically, the same cell I had just occupied.

"You can't do this! I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Yes we can, and yes you did. We heard you admit to such."

"So what, you can't prove I said it!"

"Actually we can, you see these crystals on our chests? They record everything we see and do."

Watching Twilight's face droop down into one of hopelessness and despair was one of the most satisfying things I had ever seen.

The Chief Inspector turned to me. He was about to say something but a noise from the adjacent room caught our attention. From the sound of things it sounded like some ponies were walking our way.

It was Cuthbert.

"Chief Inspector," Cuthbert said, "I heard you wanted to....."

Cuthbert stopped when he saw me standing next to the Chief Inspector, and Twilight in a cell.

"Why is my sister locked up? Is this stallion responsible?" he asked, snaring angrily my way.

"Your sister is under arrest for multiple crimes, and this stallion is innocent of any wrongdoing."

"How can you say that?" Cuthbert asked, "This stallion is the law breaker, not my sister! You will release her, and lock him up at once!"

"You have no authority here, Captain."

"Yes I do!"

"No, you don't. In fact, you do not have powers of arrest on civilians. Nor did you have authority to use this police station to falsely incarcerate this citizen."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Captain Shining Armor, I am placing you under arrest for false arrest, false imprisonment, trespass of police property, unauthorized use of police property and breaching the peace."

"Now you listen here-" Cuthbert began to reply, pointing a threatening hoof at the Chief Inspector.

"Silence!" bellowed the Chief.

With yet another nod from the Chief Inspector, the PC moved to hoof cuff Cuthbert. As I expected, he resisted and drew his sword and in the process caught the cheek of the PC.

Weather it was intentional or not is irrelevant.

Cuthbert had just assaulted a police officer.

If the police in Equestria are anything like the police back home, assaulting police officers is usually an ill-advised thing to do.

It may result in acquiring a few bruises and broken bones.

Immediately upon seeing the blood, the Chief Inspector blew the whistle on his chest; and age old way of calling for back up. Cuthbert meanwhile, seemed shocked that scraping a sharp pointy thing along something such as flesh, could result in blood being drawn. He just stood there and began babbling.

"B-b-but I-I d-didn't...."

He didn't get time to mull over his stupidity any more as very quickly the door burst open and in poured around half a dozen armed police officers who, upon seeing their bloodied colleague and the blooded sword in the magical grip of the Captain of the Royal Guards, quickly deduced what had happened.

The Chief Inspector spoke up, "Put this stallion in chains and confiscate his sword and armour. He has just added assault of a police officer and resisting arrest to his list of charges."

The armed back up complied and within a minute, Cuthbert was disarmed and all of his armour removed. He didn't put up any fight at all this time as he was lead into a cell away from Twilight, and chained securely to a wall.

After several minutes, things had calmed down. All the time I had just stood to the side and witnessed everything.

Though it's not the first time I've seen a stuck up prick assault a copper though.

Hearing the clopping of hooves I looked over to see the Chief Inspector approach.

"Mr Apollo, a word?"

"Sure."

I followed him to his office and he closed the door, giving us some privacy. He walked over to his desk and sat down, switching the desk lamp on, providing a little light to the room.

"Please, sit," he said.

I sat myself down on the chair opposite and waited for him to start talking.

I don't know what he wanted to talk about in private though.

"Mr Apollo, first I would like to apologise for the treatment you have endured this evening. You have been a victim of theft and abuse of authority in one night."

"Well I've been abused quite a bit since I came to Equestria."

"Indeed," replied the Chief, "Your incident with Applejack for instance."

"Yes."

"And then there's the incident with Rainbow Dash."

What?

"What incident?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

The Chief Inspector looked at me with a cold, calculating gaze that told me he knew more than he let on, "When you first arrived in Equestria......Vladimir Kuznetsov."

Is there anyone in Equestria, apart from Twilight Kleptomaniac Sparkle and Flapjack, that doesn't know who I am?

"I don't know what you're-"

"Princess Celestia informed me of the situation. All police officers with the rank of Chief Inspector and above are aware of your situation."

"Apparently Cuthbert isn't."

"Cuthbert? Oh you mean Captain Shining Armor."

"How does he not know?"

"I don't know, you'd have to ask the Princess."

"Well, if he doesn't know now; then I won't be telling him."

"Well we certainly won't. We're under strict orders not to disclose the information to any who do not need to know."

"Fair enough. What did you want to discuss though?"

"The return of your property. Even though you're now a pony, they're still yours."

I was about to point out Twilight's incessant pestering and likelihood of stealing them back off of me....again. He seemed to realise what I was thinking and quickly continued speaking.

"Don't worry about Miss Sparkle. As Chief Inspector I could have these items legally conferred to you, even though you already own them. It would simply state from a legal standpoint that they are yours, that you legally took possession of items that weren't yours previously. Even though they were in this case."

"I understand what you mean, if it means Twilight not being able to take them back off of me. Anything else?"

"No, but I would like you to come back tomorrow so we can take a statement as to the events of earlier."

"Sure thing. Goodnight Chief Inspector."

"Goodnight Mr Kuznetsov, don't forget about your items."

"What about the ones on Twilight's basement?"

"My officers went to retrieve them whilst we have been talking. They'll be waiting for you at your hotel."

"Great. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I walked out of the police station, hearing the quiet sobs of Twilight as I did and her mumbling something about 'Magic Kindergarten'.

Why she thinks she'll keep getting sent back there is beyond me.

Anyway I collected my gear and walked out into the fresh air once again. Looking at the clock tower I saw it was about 3AM. Absolutely knackered and wanting the rest of my gear back, I headed back to my hotel and as the Chief told me, uniformed officers were waiting for me.

As I approached they stood aside revealing the rest of my gear in one of the officer's magical grip.

It took everything I had to not jump for joy right then.

I had to remain calm until my gear was safely back in my hooves.

"Good evening Mr Apollo," said one of the officers as I approached.

"Good evening officer," I replied happily.

"Here are your items sir, returned to you as ordered by the Chief Inspector."

He levitated them over to me and I took them out of his magic grip and into my own.

"Thank you."

"Good night sir," they said as they began to leave.

"Good night."

I quickly went back inside, taking my key from the night porter and went back up to my room. Putting them down on the desk, my ordeal had left me famished. I walked over to the fridge for some of the pastries I bought the other day, only to discover to my horror.....

"That thieving little bitch ate the rest of my Yum-Yums!"





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

THE FOLLOWING MORNING

The sun was shining brightly into the dining hall where Celestia, Luna and Cadence were enjoying their breakfasts.

"I wonder how Shining Armour is getting along," Cadence said, "He left late last night."

"For what reason?" asked Celestia.

"Something about a stallion causing problems in Ponyville. I think his name was Apollo."

Celestia couldn't help but groan, "What has my little pony done now?"

"You know of this stallion auntie?"

"I do. I would tell you more but I promised otherwise."

"Fair enough. But what can you tell me?"

"He's from a country called Russia, a land far away and very different from our own. And in some ways, very similar."

"What is he like?"

"He has a tendency to say things before thinking them through, and lands himself in trouble in the process."

"Do you know of this stallion, Auntie Luna?"

"We do. He's a rather clever little colt."

"Do you know if he's seeing anypony?"

Celestia couldn't help but giggle, "It's just like you Cadence to be concerned for the love life of a pony."

Cadence blushed, "Well, I am the Princess of Love. I'd like to meet this stallion, he sounds interesting."

"I'm sure we could arrange something," Celesta replied, "I must admit though, he is quite adorable."

"You sound a little infatuated with him auntie."

"Just an old mare with an interest in an interesting little colt."

Just then the door opened and in walked a Solar Guard Lieutenant, looking worse for wear. He approached the table and removed his helmet, bowing respectfully to his rulers.

"Your majesties, I have information that requires your attention."

"Lieutenant Photon," Celestia said, "Rise and give us your report."

"Yes ma'am," he replied, standing up, "I have been informed that Captain Shining Armor is currently under arrest and incarcerated in Ponyville Police Station, under charges of breaching the peace, false arrest, false imprisonment, unauthorised use of police equipment and property, resisting arrest and assault of a police officer."

The three princesses could only sit with their mouths open in shock.

Until Luna burst into laughter.

"'Tis marvellously hilarious!"

Celestia rolled her eyes at her sister's unprofessional reaction and turned her attention back to Photon, "Inform Ponyville Police station that I will be visiting later. You're dismissed."

Photon didn't move.

Instead he only looked more nervous.

"Is there something else, my little pony?"

Photon only rubbed his neck uncomfortably.

"It's OK," Celestia said in as soothing and comforting tone as she could, "You can tell me. I won't be mad."

"Captain Armor was not the only pony arrested last night. One other also, was arrested on charges of breaking and entering and theft."

"Who is this pony?"

Photon was very reluctant to answer. His reluctance caught Luna's attention, now she had stopped laughing. Celestia motioned for Cadence to try and reassure Photon.

Cadence got up from her seat and walked over to the nervous Lieutenant, and placed a reassuring hoof on his shoulder.

"Don't be nervous Lieutenant, you are merely delivering a report. There's no reason for you to feel nervous. What is the name of this other pony?"

Photon took in a deep breath and exhaled through his nose, preparing himself for a possibly heated response. His silence however was beginning to test even Celestia's patience.

"Lieutenant Photon," she said firmly and beginning to scowl, "Who is the other pony?"

Photon looked his princess in the eye and readying himself for anything, answered the princess.

"Twilight Sparkle."

Celestia and Cadence could only stand stock still with their jaws in the floor. Luna meanwhile, burst into a belly laugh that would curl your hair.
> Chapter - 11 - Consequences
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Princess Celestia, disguised as Sunny Skies, walked into the police station with the difficult task of talking to her personal student, locked up for breaking various laws; as was Shining Armor. 

Though Cadence stated that she would deal with him.

Personally.

Celestia dreaded to think what she had in mind.

Walking up to the front desk, Celestia addressed the Sergeant.

"Excuse me, I'm here to speak to Twilight Sparkle."

The Desk Sergeant looked up to a disguised Celestia and scowled, "Prisoners don't get visitors. Now scram, unless you wish to-"

The scowl on his face was wiped off when a sudden flash of light temporarily blinded him and he covered his eyes with a foreleg to shield them. Once it disappeared, he lowered his arm and saw who was standing there. Celestia, still smiling, addressed the Sergeant again.

"Sergeant, I would like to speak to Twilight Sparkle."

The sergeant pointed a hoof in the direction of the cells, "Right that way your majesty, the entire station is open to you."

"Thank you kindly," Celestia replied, making her way to where the sergeant was pointing.

As she walked into the cell area, she heard the quiet sobbing of Twilight, being poorly reassured by her brother with grossly incorrect assumptions.

"I'll be sent back to Magic Kindergarten! Or I'll be thrown into a dungeon! Or banished! Or thrown into a dungeon in the place I was banished to!"

Why does everypony assume I'm going to do that? wondered Celestia.

"No you won't Twilight," Shining reassured, "If anything, Apollo will be put in a dungeon. After what he did last night he will be spending a very long time in the deepest, darkest dungeon I can find!"

Celestia rolled her eyes so hard you could almost hear it.

For crying out loud, what does Cadence see in him? Did I honestly choose him over others to be my personal captain? Besides, I would never put Apollo in a dungeon...well I might put him in a different kind of dungeon- NO CELESTIA! BAD THOUGHTS! HE'S TWO THOUSAND YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU!

Celestia shook her head to rid it of lewd thoughts and refocussed on her objective. She walked into the cell room and saw her student and older brother each locked in their own cells.

"Finally, we're getting out of here," Shining said.

Oh, really?

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight screamed, looking frightened out of her wits. She attempted to run to her mentor but was stopped in her tracks by magic-resistant iron bars.

"My faithful student," Celestia replied, approaching her cell, "You seem to have gotten yourself into quite a pickle."

"But I haven't done anything wrong!"

"She's right Princess," Shining stated, scowling, "Apollo is the one causing trouble." 

Celestia turned to Shining with a look so stern and severe that Shining visibly gulped.

"According to witness reports I have received, it was not Apollo that was causing trouble, but yourself...Captain Armor."

The moment Celestia referred to Shining by his rank, he knew he was in it deep. 

"But-"

"If I were you Captain Armor, I would remain silent."

For once, Shining did the smart thing and decided to shut up, allowing Celestia to turn her attention back to Twilight. She looked down at her student, noting the tears on her eyes and matted mane and tail, and couldn't help but wonder if this was really her faithful student.

"Why have I been told that you broke into a hotel and stole items that did not belong to you?"

"But Princess, those items are dangerous! They belonged to the monster and now Apollo has them! I had to confiscate them for the safety of everypony!"

"Twilight I thought we discussed this. The 'monster' is no such thing and even if he was that still doesn't give you or anypony else the right to steal his possessions."

"Why are you defending him?!" Twilight cried.

"Defending who?"

"The monster! Apollo! Why are you taking their sides?!"

"I am not taking anypony's side, Twilight. I am merely doing what is right. As far I am aware, even though he may be a hoof-full and can cause quite a scene, Apollo has broken no laws."

"He said the monster gave him those things! Apollo has been in contact with a dangerous monster that is a threat to everypony!"

"I thought we had also talked about referring to this creature as a monster," Celestia said, looking sternly at Twilight, "And I am aware of the biped that appeared in Ponyville."

"Then you must know what it did to Rainbow Dash!"

"From the reports I have read and hearing personal testimony, Rainbow Dash insists it was not intentional and the creature acted out of fear."

"She had a concussion! Her memory will be fuzzy, so how could she remember what actually happened?"

"According to her doctor, her memory is fine. Also, you are a student of magic, not a qualified general practitioner nor a neurologist. You are not qualified to make such assesssments, neither am I for that matter."

"You sound just like Apollo, he said the same thing; saying I wasn't qualified to make diagnosis."

"And he is correct. What has become of you, Twilight?"

"Excuse me?" Twilight replied, looking like Celestia had just slapped her.

"Why do you have a hatred of Apollo or the creature?"

"I don't hate them," Twilight replied, almost crying, "I just know that they're working together and Equestria is in danger from them."

"Do you have evidence to support those claims?"

"No, but-"

"No buts, Twilight. If you do not have evidence, then I can take no action against them. But speaking of evidence, there is ample evidence against you for you break in at the hotel and the theft of items not belonging to you."

"What are you going to do?" Twilight asked, shaking and crying.

"Nothing. It is a matter for the police to deal with."

"You're not going to let me out?"

"I cannot. If I were to, I would be accused of favouritism and denying justice to the victims."

"So you're abandoning me?"

"No, I am merely allowing the the proper procedures to take place."

"But-"

"No buts, Twilight!" Celestia shouted, her wings flaring slightly causing Twilight to recoil in fear, "You have broken the law and must now answer for it! I truly thought you were better than this!"

That remarked felt like a dagger to the heart for Twilight. The pony she looked up to like a second mother had turned on her. Abandoned her.

And all because of Apollo. 

Apollo is the one causing trouble! And he's in league with the monster! And because of them, Princess Celestia has abandoned me!

Twilight had begun sobbing quietly again, trying to dry her eyes with a hoof, but to no avail. 

"I do not know what has gotten into you Twilight," Celestia continued, "But I don't like it. The Twilight Sparkle I know would have listened to the creature's side of events and given him the benefit of the doubt. I know I did."

Twilight suddenly looked up with shock and fear in her wide eyes, as realisation hit her like freight train, "Y-you mean..."

"Yes, Twilight," Celestia replied, holding back tears herself, "I have met with the human you call a monster."





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

I don't think I'll ever get tired of sleeping on these cloud beds. I can't quite put into words just how comfy they are. It almost makes me wish I was a pegasus instead so I could experience laying on a cloud without the need for adapted bed sheets. 

The only thing that wasn't helping though was my hangover.

And there's no grill or microwave around to make a bacon sandwich.

How much trouble would I be in if I killed sacrificed one of Appleslut's pigs to the Bacon Gods?

But if I did that then I'd have to deal with Celestia.

I don't think she'd take to kindly to me killing animals myself for food, no matter how delicious they may be.

My dreams of a bacon sandwich were interrupted by some harsh knocking on the door. With my hangover and pounding headache, it felt like a road breaker was carving away at my skull.

I didn't answer which only resulted in even louder knocks.

I grabbed the pillow and covered my ears with it, desperate to stop the dreadful noise. I still didn't answer the door, hoping whoever it was would go away and let me continue having wet dreams about bacon sandwiches, but it was not meant to be.

Without further warning, the door opened. From the sound of things I knew several ponies had surrounded my bed, stallions if the hard pounding of hooves was anything to go by. All was quiet for a few more seconds before another set of hooves made themselves heard.

I heard them stop at the foot of my bed.

"Still asleep, my little pony?"

Fuck.

Pretend to be asleep, maybe she'll go away.

"I know you're awake, my little pony. I can wait here all day if I have to. Can you?"

Checkmate again.

How does she keep doing it?

I was going to move but apparently I wasn't fast enough as I felt the pillow removed from my head and myself levitated to the foot end of the bed and plopped down on my rump. I looked up to see a quite cross looking Celestia.

"What have I done wrong now?"

"Whoever said you had?"

"Twilight, her dickhead brother......you."

"What have I done?"

"Every time you come to see me with a face like that, you give me a lecture on something I've done wrong and why I should be more like the little sheep you call your subjects."

"Apollo," She said sternly, "Don't call my subjects, 'little sheep'."

"There you go again!" I yelled, "Telling me what I can't say! You don't have that right!"

"Apollo-"

"Seriously, fuck you you conniving manipulative bitch!"

Looking around and looking at the guards, I could tell that they were just itching to rip me to pieces for having spoken to their holier-than-thou princess. I looked back to Celestia to see her looking at me very cross and leaning in close. So close I could faintly feel her breathing through her nostrils on my head.

"Guards," Celestia said sternly, "We're leaving at once."

Celestia made her way towards the door and opened it before turning back to me, with a stern look.

"And Apollo is coming with us."

I'm gonna die.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Applejack walked slowly out of Ponyville train station, exhausted after shovelling coal in exchange for a ride back home, and began walking through the market square where ponies were going about the usual daily business. As she was doing so she was quickly joined by Rainbow Dash.

"Hey AJ," Rainbow said as she landed along side of her.

"Hey Rainbow."

There was an awkward silence as the elephant in the room lingered in the air.

"Sooo, how did it go?" Rainbow asked, trying to end the silence.

"Ah got a twelve month prison sentence, suspended for two years, a six month community order and ah have ta pay Apollo five hundred bits in compensation."

"But you don't have five hundred bits to spare."

"Ah know, but ah'll think of something."

"I'll talk to Apollo, see if I can get him to forget about that."

"Ah doubt he'll agree."

"He'll listen to me."

"You sure about that?"

"I'm sure. Just leave it with me."

"Well, if ya think ya can do anythin', thank ya."

"Don't mention it, I never leave my friends hanging. Catch you later AJ!"

"Bye Dash."

Rainbow took to the air again, leaving Applejack to continue her journey alone. 

As she approached the library, she made a last minute decision to pay Twilight a visit. She approached the library and walked inside, not too surprised to see the main area vacant.

She's probably down in her lab, or gettin' more quills in town.

The pitter-patter of feet grew gradually louder. Looking towards the stairs, Applejack saw Spike running down.

"Howdy Spike!"

"Hey Applejack, what brings you here? Looking for a book?"

"Not today partner, but have you seen Twilight?"

Suddenly, Spike's face fell.

"What's the matter?" asked Applejack.

"You see, the thing is..."

"The thing is, what?" Applejack asked, squinting suspicious at what Spike was reluctant to tell.

"The thing is....."

Suddenly, the front door burst open; scaring the shit out of Spike and Applejack, both of whom visibly jumped into the air.

"APPLEJACK! SPIKE! YOU MUST COME!"

"Consarn it Rarity!"

"Apologies Applejack, but you both must come at once!"

"Where to?"

"The police station."

"Why would we go there?"

"Because...."

"Because?" Applejack repeated, getting irritated at all the reluctance to give answers.

"TWILIGHT'S BEEN ARRESTED!"





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Sod it. I've sat here for long enough. 

I stood up and began to make my way towards the door, only to be prodded back to my position by the spear wielding guard.

"You will remain on the Naughty Step until Her Majesty permits you to leave!"

I would have taken the spear out of his magic grip and shoved it up his fluffy plot, but my own magic was blocked off courtesy of a horn dampener and I had poor dexterity with my hooves. That and he could probably hand my own fluffy plot to me on a silver platter; so I wisely decided to sit back down. Had I been able to then I wouldn't let a mannequin in pretty armour stop me.

"Stupid naughty step," I grumbled, "I can't believe it actually exists."

"Yet you sit on it."

I looked up to see my favourite princess.

"Was this always here?" I asked, motioning to the step, "Or is it a recent addition?"

Celestia giggled a little, "Oh my little pony, I'm afraid you'll never know the answer to that."

"He attempted to leave, ma'am," the guard said.

"SHUT UP!"

"Is this true, my little pony?" she asked, looking at me with an eerie sense of delight.

"So what if it is."

"Well if you didn't use those naughty words against me then you wouldn't be sat there, would you?"

"'Naughty words'? Seriously, how old are you? I am a grown man! Stop talking down to me like I'm a little kid!"

"You were a grown man. And compared to how old I am, which is more or less two thousand years old, you are a child compared to me."

"That doesn't mean that I'm stupid, so STOP! TALKING! DOWN! TO! ME!" I replied firmly, stomping a hoof down at each word spoken.

There were several seconds of silence as Celestia just stared at me, not saying a thing and looking neither pleased nor angry.

The silence was disturbed however, by the arrival of another princess.

"What is all this noise? We could hear all of you from outside."

"Luna," Celestia said, greeting her sister with a wing hug.

"Celestia."

"How goes Day Court?"

"Well. But we are still looking into other matters."

Celestia groaned and face hoofed, "You are still looking into that?!"

"Tis not a matter to be taken lightly Tia! Somepony made a poster of us with the name 'Princess Moonbutt moons ponies with her big moonbutt!' showing my plot which was grossly exaggerated in size, and put it for all to see in the public square! Ponies laughed at us! We are a laughing stock!"

"Best prank ever."

Everything suddenly went quiet.

Eerily quiet.

I looked up to see Celestia, the guard and Luna looking at me.

Celestia looked like she wanted to burst into giggles and roll around on the floor laughing her wings off.

Luna looked like she wanted to behead me right there and then.

"So it was YOU!"

Me and my big mouth.

Yet again.

"You will come with us!" Luna hissed, "We will teach you a lesson to call us 'Princess Moonbutt'!"

"So you don't deny having a big plot or mooning ponies?"

Luna picked me up in her magic and then turned to the guard, her sister still too busy laughing on the floor, "Send for the Element of Generosity. We require her special talents."

"What are you going to do to me?" I asked, genuinely afraid of what she had in store.

"Thou will soon find out!"
> Chapter - 12 - From Humiliation To Delight
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You have no right to do this to me!"

"It is our right as Princess of the Night!" Luna yelled

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" I yelled on reflex.

"By us that's right!...........wait....why did we yell that?" Luna wondered aloud, looking confused. With a dismissive wave of her hoof, she turned her attention back to her guest, "It matters not. What does matter is your punishment."

I may have underestimated just how skilled in magic Luna was. I was effectively glued to the floor by her creepy night magic while the Demon Fashionista had an absolute field day with me.

And I mean, field day.

It creeped me out how delighted she was about this.

"I must say Apollo, you look positively stunning in your new attire."

"Shut up, She-Demon!"

"Be silent, little princess!" Luna bellowed.

The shoes and tiara I could barely cope with, but the dress was overkill in the extreme. Every scintilla of manhood I had was being annihilated beyond retrieval with every passing second. To be fair, the dress was actually a good looking one, not garish or needlessly extravagant, but more like what Hollywood actresses would wear for Oscars night. If I was a mare, I wouldn't have a problem with this, but as a man, or stallion, it just did not look good on me.

Unfortunately, the Demon thought differently.

"You've brought this on yourself, Little Bunny. You had to know that eventually your loose tongue would land you in trouble. Again."

"Forcing me into a dress is uncalled for!"

"Making fun of us is even more uncalled for!" Luna yelled, "Our plot is not that big!"

"So you admit it is big to some degree?"

I really am a fucking idiot.

Rather than snapping my spine in half, Luna did something much, much more chilling. Walking over to a desk, she opened a drawer and pulled out a small item and levitated it over to Rarity.

"What is that?" I asked with genuine fear.

Rarity, grinning maliciously, held it up for me to see.

It was eye shadow.

Fuck.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle, Celestia was enjoying tea with Cadence in the gardens beside the pond watching the ducks swim about. The topic of conversation, however, was of one particular subject.

"I don't know what to do with Apollo," Celestia wondered aloud.

"Auntie?"

"He is incredibly intelligent and driven, but can't help getting himself into trouble."

"What exactly is Auntie Luna doing to him?"

"I have no idea, but I'm sure he'll be OK."

"Are you sure? Auntie Luna was quite angry."

"I'm sure. But speaking of trouble, there is also the matter of Twilight and Shining Armor."

"Shining can be quite headstrong at times, and can have quite a black and white view on laws and rules."

"You're referring to the lock in loophole?" asked Celestia.

Cadence nodded, "He doesn't realise that a fifth of all taxes raised from alcohol 'bought' after lock up comes from after hours 'sales'. It's a harmless law to break, and closing it would cause unnecessary issues and red tape."

"I agree," Celestia replied, taking a sip of tea, "But, what will I do with them?"

"Well, I'll deal with Shining, and I think Twilight...and Apollo, it would be better off if you dealt with them."

"Should Shining be worried?"

"He better be."

Just then, a castle servant approached the princesses, and turned to face Celestia and bowed.

"Excuse me, ma'am, a letter has been sent for your attention."

Celestia took the letter and dismissed the servant who promptly left. Opening the letter and reading through it, she could only let out a hum.

"Auntie?"

"It seems that Twilight and Shining have been released without charge."

"How so? I thought they had strong evidence against them?"

"They did. But it seems they also have strong allies in the courts. A High Court Judge has had the charges against them quashed and ordered their immediate release."

"I can't imagine Apollo will be at all pleased."

Celestia sighed tiredly, "It will not doubt give him more reason to hate Twilight, and Shining, seeing them get away with their actions because of the friends they have."

"Which Judge was it?"

"Judge Dundas, 1st Viscount of Fillydelphia. Do you know him?"

"Not personally. But I recognise the name. He and Night Light went to Law School together."

"Night Light? Their father?"

Cadence nodded.

Celestia could only feel like a bad situation had gotten far worse. Not only had Apollo been wronged, but the ones responsible were also given a get out of jail free card because of a powerful family connection. Yes, he did get some justice with Applejack, but this would give him even more reason to hate Twilight and Shining, and lose his trust in herself. 

Sighing deeply, Celestia stood up and stretch out her wings, flexing out the tension in them, "I will go and look for Apollo and inform him of the situation. I'd rather he hear it from me and be angry with me than anypony else."

"If you think that's right."

"I do. "

Celestia left without further words, leaving Cadence to watch the ducks alone.





*IN A CHARIOT, HIGH ABOVE EQUESTRIA*

"Just you wait, Twilight," Shining said firmly and smugly, "I'll see that Apollo is punished to the fullest extent of the law and that those police officers are stripped of their badges for their misconduct."

Twilight didn't respond, he mind to heavily weighed down by what Celestia has said to her. Shining, however, was oblivious and continued rabbiting on.

"I'll ask Judge Dundas to have charges laid out against all of them along with hefty prison sentences. That will teach them to mess with me and make me look like a fool."

Twilight still didn't respond.

"I can't wait to see the look on Apollo's face when he's sent to prison for a few decades. I will even have put in the Crystal Castle dungeons so I can personally ensure he's never released."

It was only after more silence from Twilight that he finally realised that she wasn't listening.

"Are you OK, Twily?"

Twilight shook her head, "Princess Celestia hates me."

"What? She doesn't hate you."

"Did you hear what she said?" Twilight asked, tears falling down her cheeks, "And what she did? If she didn't hate me, then why did she do it?"

"She doesn't hate you Twily, but that Apollo has gotten to her and affected how she thinks. I suspect he's using some form of dark magic to affect her."

"He's not using dark magic, I've never sensed any coming from him. However..."

"However...what?" Shining enquired suspiciously.

"His magical field is different than that of other unicorns. It doesn't feel like a unicorn's magic field should."

"Is he a Changeling?" Shining asked with disgust.

"No. At least I don't think so. But there is something different about him."

"And he's been assisting the monster."

"Maybe the monster has affected Apollo and he doesn't realise it?"

"Possibly," Shining replied, "If it is the case then I can excuse Apollo's past behaviour and do even more to hunt down the monster."

"But Princess Celestia said-"

"I know what she said. But if the monster's affected her, then we can't trust her."





*BACK IN CANTERLOT CASTLE, PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

"CEASE RESISTING!"

I had my forelegs wrapped firmly around a conveniently placed column, trying relentlessly to hold on and not allow Princess Crazy Bitch to parade me through the castle and utterly humiliate me. Crazy Bitch continued to try and pry me off of the column while Rarity frantically fidgeted around on the spot, terrified that her stupid dress was going to get ripped.

"RELEASE THINE HOLD OF OUR COLUMN!"

"NEVER!"

I continued to hold on for dear life for several seconds more, hearing Princess Crazy Bitch's grunts of frustration in the process. My panic began to increase exponentially and I knew that if she pried me off, I'd never be able to shoe myself in public ever again. All I could think about what getting out of that room. I could feel painful throbbing around the base of my horn where that stupid suppressor was clamped into place. 

I truly have no idea what happened next, but with a flash of light I found myself in another part of the castle and the pain around my horn gone. A seemingly deserted part of the castle as I couldn't see anyone in sight.

"What the hell happened?" I wondered aloud, "One minute I was there, now I'm here."

I continued to look around where I was stood and couldn't see or hear anyone, however I was still attired in the Demon's stupid dress which was kept firmly in place by Princess Crazy Bitch's magic. As were the shoes, necklace and tiara.

Hopefully I would remain out of sight of everyone while I figured out a way of removing the stupid things.

I decided to move on though. If for whatever reason they could trace were I teleported to, albeit unintentionally, then I didn't want to be around to endure more humiliation when they found me. With little other option, I picked a direction and began walking. With only two option though, my choices were slim. What didn't help was that I was in a part of the castle I hadn't been in before. There were no windows and the only light came from the torches that aligned the walls. At least the carpet would muffle my footsteps. Hoofsteps I suppose.

I wandered around the identical corridors for several minutes, getting nowhere fast, becoming quite annoyed in the process.

"Do you ever feel like someone's toying with you?"

"WHO'S THERE?!" a voice boomed.

My eyes went to pinpricks as I heard muffled hoofsteps get louder and the silhouette of a stallion guard approach from around a corner.

I didn't have time to think of what to do or say as a Solar Guard appeared.

Shit.

"Who are you?!" he demanded to know, "Why are you down here? This is a restricted area!"

"Errrrr.......I'm..."

The guard scowled harshly at me, clearly not in the mood for my inability to answer.

"Who are you?" he asked again, "This area is no place for a mare such as yourself."

I spluttered indignantly.

"Mare?!"

"Well....yes. The dress and tiara were a clue."

I said nothing for a moment until my face turned into a snarl, "I'M A GUY, JACKASS!"

The guard looked at me more closely, before his lips slowly turned upwards.

Shit.

Without warning, he burst into laughter and began rolling around on the floor like Neymar when you walk past him. 

I rolled my eyes and began walking away, hoping my embarrassment wasn't showing.

"Where are you going...ma'am?" the guard asked, getting up and walking alongside me, "I can't allow a delicate mare such as yourself to walk around unescorted."

"I don't need a fucking escort you rancid piece of sh-"

I was silenced by his wing covering my mouth, "Ah ah ah, that's not way for a mare to speak."

I glared daggers at him. I wanted to kill him.

And I think he knew.

And didn't care.

"Now," he continued, "Do we continue? Or do I arrest you for being in a restricted area and take you to see the guys?"

I had to give him credit. He had me.

"Fine," I said, reluctantly, "I'll allow you to escort me."

He smiled smugly, "Thank you, m'lady. Now, you'll please go on in front, I'll follow you behind."

I wanted to plant a hoof in his stupid smug face, but I thought better of it. As I walked past him though, he couldn't help but make a parting comment.

"I must say, that dress is very becoming of you."

Must. Resist. Killing.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

"WHERE DID OUR NEWEST PRINCESS GO?!"

"How did he even do it?" Rarity asked, looking at where Apollo was standing just moments ago, "We put a horn suppressor on him!"

"True, but they are not entirely 100% effective. Like any security measure, there's always a flaw in the system."

Luna looked over to where Apollo was and quickly noticed the charred remains of a horn suppressor on the floor. Picking it up in her magic, she brought it closer to her and examined, before showing it to Rarity.

"It takes considerable power to overload a horn suppressor, yet somehow Apollo did it."

"I didn't know he had so much power."

"Neither did I," Luna replied, "But sister did say Apollo's magical field was different than normal compared to other unicorns, but she did not elaborate. It may have something to do with his....background."

"Should we find him?" Rarity asked, "If he has that much power, as implied, he might not be able to control it. And we may have angered him a little."

"True, but he angered us far more greatly. He deserved his punishment."

"Perhaps, but you at least have experience in controlling that much magic, Apollo doesn't."

"You make a fair point, Miss Rarity. We shall find him."

"Can we still force him to wear the dress?" Rarity asked, almost pleadingly, "He did look wonderful in it."

"Yes. But we will not parade him through the city market. Unless of course, he makes more remarks about our plot."

"And mine."

"Agreed."





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

"I must say," the guard said, "I never thought I'd see a stallion so.....open? Is that the right word? With his choice of clothing."

His voice was really beginning to grate. Do guards need their vocal chords?

"But hey, it's not my place to tell you what to wear."

"I did not choose to wear this stupid dress you brain dead cretin!"

"Yeah, sure you didn't."

"I didn't. I was forced."

"Really?" he asked, clearly not convinced.

"I was. I want to remove it but the Demon Fashionista and Princess Crazy Bitch put a spell on it preventing me from taking it off."

"Look, you don't have to make excuses or stories, if you want to wear a dress, go ahead, I don't care. I have more important things to worry about."

Why do some people find lies more believable than the truth?

Anyway, I still had to escape. Fortunately, up ahead I could see a part of the castle I recognised from when I was still in human form. I did consider just bolting for it, but the guard would just catch up with me easily and continue to take the piss. 

We stepped out into the familiar corridor were more ponies were walking about, including more guards. They may not have said anything, but I know those looks. The only reason why they didn't make any snide remarks was because of the bollocking they'd get from their CO for improper conduct when at their post.

I continued walking down the corridor, ignoring the snickers from the maids and silent snarky comments from the other guards, just waiting for an opportunity to escape. As we walked to the main foyer, where even more ponies were assembled, including civilians, I frantically looked around even more for not only an escape route, but Princess Crazy Bitch and the Demon.

All I could find were civilians gawking at me like an animals in a zoo, and being able to hear them whisper amongst themselves.

"Is that a stallion in a dress?"

"He must be very comfortable with himself."

"I'm a mare yet I'm jealous of how a stallion looks in a dress. I must know who made it!"

Unfortunately, the unicorn mare who I heard ask that last question, approached me with a cheery smile on her face. From her own fancy dress and pristine appearance, I guessed she was a noble.

"Excuse me," she said, "I was just wondering who designed your wonderful dress?"

A terrifying demon with no soul.

"A...friend. She made it too," I replied flatly.

"Wonderful. Your friend must be very talented."

"Yeah."

"You must be very lucky to have a friend to support you in this manner."

"Yeah...lucky."

She must have misunderstood my enthusiasm for embarrassment as she suddenly hugged me.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," she said, "Be who you want to be, don't let others dictate how they think you should be."

Easier said than done when Princess Crazy Bitch and the Demon Fashionista are after you.

"Errr, thanks," I replied.

No need to be rude.

She hasn't done anything to me.

"Apollo?"

My eyes lit up.

Oh shit no.

The mare let go and I turned around slowly.

To my horror, I came face to face with Twilight and a smug looking Shining Twat.

I ran.

"Wait!" Twilight yelled, "I have so many questions!"

"Let her run Twily," Shining said, "She probably has a tea party to go to ."

I'll be sure to remember that comment from that blue haired prick, but my main concern now was escaping.

I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going and I soon found myself outside in the castle gardens.

Maybe I could hide for a while in the maze.

Deciding that that was the best course of action, at least for the time being, I ran there as fast as I could.

I was making excellent progress and just as I was about to round the corner of a hedge, I bumped into the worst pony I could possibly bump into at the moment, especially with how I was dressed. I managed to stop myself from literally bumping into her, but my fate was sealed.

"Oh my!" she said with undiluted glee, "You're just so precious!"

Nothing I could say or do would get me out of the situation.

"Come! You can join me at my tea party!"

"N-n-no thank you," I mumbled out.

"Oh don't be silly, it's such a lovely day!"

I didn't get chance to object further before I felt myself being lifted into the air with magic and taken to my own personal hell.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Back in the main foyer, Twilight and Shining watched on as Apollo ran away. Twilight looking confused, Shining looking delighted and the mare looking disappointed.

"I never got to find out who made his dress."

"I believe it was Rarity," Shining said to the mare, "She decided to make it after he told her how much he wanted to wear them."

"Really?"

Shining nodded, "He said it makes him feel more comfortable and true to who he is."

"That's so brave of him," the mare said, buying the lies, "Oh I wish I could help him more."

"I'm sure arrangements could be made," Shining said, finding it difficult to hold back his laughter, "I could even get my wife to assist. She's very much into helping ponies be their true selves."

"And I'll gladly help in any way I can. He seemed such a sweet colt. Anyway, I must depart, I have a tea party scheduled with Princess Cadence."

"I'm sure he'd be delighted for any help. Thank you."

"Good day Prince Shining Armour."

"Good day, ma'am."

Shining began walking away, soon followed by Twilight. She waited until they were alone before speaking.

"None of that was true. Apollo had no interest in wearing dresses."

"So? Maybe it will teach him a lesson for humiliating me."

"He will find out and he will get revenge," she said worryingly, "You may have made things worse."

"I am a Prince, he is a commoner. He will learn his place."

Twilight could only gulp with worry at the possible implications of Shining's actions. Making up lies about Apollo wanting to do things he has no interest in, coupled with his ruthless temper bode only bad news as far as Twilight could see.

They continued to walk along the corridors, making their way to the throne room in an attempt to find Celestia, but instead ran into Luna and Rarity.

"Rarity? Princess Luna?"

"Hello Twilight," Luna replied, "Prince Shining Armour."

"Princess Luna," Shining replied, "Have you seen Princess Celestia? We are trying to find her."

"Neigh, but we are trying to find Apollo. He managed to....leave us."

"Leave you?" Twilight asked, confused, "We've just seen him. Why is he here?"

"You have just seen Apollo?" asked Rarity, "Where?"

"In the foyer just a few minutes ago. Why was he here? I thought he was in Ponyville. And why is he wearing a dress?"

"Answers for another time," Luna replied, "We must find Apollo at once."

"Why?"

"He did something.....unusual."

"Unusual?"

"He overloaded a horn blocker and teleported away," Luna replied matter-if-factly, "We attempted to trace his teleportation spell but could not find a trace of it."

"But that's impossible!" Twilight refuted, "Overloading a horn blocker is difficult even for Alicorns never mind a unicorn of average magical power!"

"We scanned some of the residual magic of the overload and concluded that Apollo is anything but average in magical aptitude," Luna replied, "But explanation can wait. We must find him. If he truly does have that much power then he must be instructed in how to control it."

"You're right," Twilight replied, "We'll help you."

"Thank you, Twilight. We should now check the-"

"YOU VILE MONSTER!"

Everyone looked immediately in the vicinity of the distant voice.

"That sounded like Apollo," Rarity said, "It sounds like he's in the garden."

Everyone immediately made haste to the garden an soon enough, they came across a most unusual scene.

Apollo, still clad in his dress, shoes and tiara, and another horn blocker, was flanked by Cadence on one side, and Celestia on the other, opposite him was several more mares all too clad in dress and jewellery.

"Auntie Luna, Twilight," Cadence said excitedly, "So glad you could join us."

"What's....going on?" Twilight asked nervously.

"Apollo here," Cadence began to reply, pointing to an infuriated looking stallion, "Was just passing through the gardens and, seeing our tea party just begged to join us. Seeing how he was so eager and properly attired, how could we refuse?"

"LIAR!"

"Ssshh," Celestia said, putting a hoof on Apollo's mouth, "Princesses don't shout."

"That's a bit fucking rich coming from you and your bat shit insane sister!"

The princesses all looked to Apollo with severe frowns. Celestia's the most severe, "Princess's don't use such un-Princessy language."

"Well seeing as I'm not a Princess-"

"Your dress says otherwise."

Apollo shot a filthy look at Shining.

"The more you swear, the longer your punishment will be," Celestia added, enjoying my misery, "Besides, I hardly consider having a nice cup of tea in the lovely afternoon sun to be a punishment. Many ponies would give anything to be where you are now."

"I don't object to tea, I object strenuously to what you're forcing me to wear. It stopped being funny ages ago and make no mistake I will find a way to get merciless and ruthless revenge."

"It's so cute when you talk tough," the mare from before said, "But this is who you really are, there's no shame in that."

"Indeed," Shining added, "The Marquess of Vanhoover even offered to assist you in becoming more comfortable with your true self."

"What do you mean?"

"I told her how much you actually enjoy this."

*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT, SAME SCENE*

It took a moment for what Twatface said to register in my brain.

"You...what?"

"I told her how much you really want to do this and she offered her assistance in the matter."

...

...

...

I'm going to kill Twatface.

I will design my own weapon of mass destruction and drop it on him.

I looked over to Twilight and saw she looked fearful, and worried. Not sure why. Princess Crazy Bitch and the Demon looked smugly pleased with my predicament and soon sat themselves down and poured themselves a cup of tea each.

"I must say Apollo," Rarity said, "If you were so eager to join this tea party, then all you had to do was say. Imagine, leaving us like that."

"Indeed," Celestia added, "I can certainly understand your eagerness to have tea but your actions put yourself and others in danger."

"Is that why you put another horn blocker on me? Or just to prevent me from escaping?"

"You overloaded a horn blocker and disappeared without trace," Celestia said, "So much magical power without the ability to control it is a danger to both yourself and others."

I suppose that's true.

But one thing was becoming clearer to me.

It seems as though I have more magical power than I, and they, thought. I'd have to find a way to use this to my advantage. I'm growing rather tired of being overpowered and humiliated of late. And Celestia was clearly very worried about it. As she should be.

I'll never forgive her for what she did.

Or tried to do.

"But forcing me to wear a dress and tiara? Eye shadow? Was that for 'safety' reasons?"

"No," Celestia replied, smiling smugly, "That was for pranking my sister."

"And how much longer do I have to wear this stupid dress?"

Rarity scoffed, "Stupid?! STUPID?!"

"Now now, Miss Rarity," Luna said, "I'm sure Princess Apollo didn't mean to say that. After all, he does want to take it off, doesn't he?"

Princess Crazy Bitch looked at me with so much smugness it went off the scale. If I wanted to get out of the ridiculous getup I'd have to play ball.

"No," I replied through gritted teeth, "I didn't mean this dress was stupid. Not at all."

"So you like it?" asked Rarity, smiling gleefully.

"......yes."

A chorus of 'aww's' went around the group.

I just couldn't win with these psychos.

"In that case," Celestia said, "You can continue to wear it for dinner this evening."

"What?"

"Surely you don't expect to attend a dinner with the Royal Princesses and not be suitably attired?"

"Well......no."

"Then it is settled. You will attend dinner dressed as you are now."

Fuck.

"If you behave and conduct yourself as a Princess should, then I may permit their removal."

"This is for all the times I shouted my mouth off isn't it?"

"More or less," Celestia replied, taking a sip of tea and giving me a knowing look.

Had that spell succeeded in its entirety...

I shudder at what I would be right now had it done so.

"Where's Shining Armour gone to?" asked Rarity.

"He's probably disappeared after realising I now know he was lying to me."

Everyone looked to the Marquess of Vanhoover.

"He told me that Apollo here, wore dresses of his own accord because it, and I quote, 'He said it makes him feel more comfortable and true to who he is'."

"Shining told you that?" Cadence asked, looking genuinely annoyed.

The Marquess nodded, "I genuinely thought I was being helpful to a stallion trying to be comfortable with who he is, or who he wants to be, and it turn out I was being lied to."

"Sorry," I said, feeling genuinely sorry for her, even though I didn't tell the lie.

"Oh you have nothing to apologise for dear," she said sweetly, "You were just taken advantage of by him."

"I will deal with him," Cadence said firmly, before turning to me, "Apollo, I know we may have gone a bit too far with this, but if you agree to stay dressed as you are for the rest of the day, I promise that Shining will be properly punished. By me. Personally."

A most tempting offer.

"What sort of punishment would it be?"

"Well....I would need the outstanding skill of Rarity, if she agrees."

Rarity seemed to catch on very quickly and was only too eager top agree, "Oh absolutely!"

I suddenly found myself taking a liking to Cadence. And not just because of making Shining wear a dress. Something about her seemed...familiar.





*LATER THAT NIGHT*

I was walking to the dinner hall alongside Celestia, still wearing my full 'princess' outfit, as was Celestia, and could help but smile knowing what was going to unfold.

"You seem to be in good spirits now, my little pony."

"Well, knowing what's going to happen, how could I not be? Besides, with me dressed like this, you gained in a way what you always wanted."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do."

Celestia looked away, avoiding eye contact. I knew that she knew that I knew what she planned and intended, no matter how many times she claims it was 'accidental'. Accidental my new furry plot.

"I trust you will be more careful with what you say?"

"No. It's not my fault my Russian side blurts out what I think without restraint. Anyway, how's Twilight? She seemed happier after she talked to you."

"She's fine. I assured that I didn't hate her, and I apologised if I came across as too strong. And I do apologise to you for not getting justice for yourself."

"With Twilight I'll let it slide if she agrees not to take any of my possessions, but with Shining, what Cadence has in mind will be more than enough for me. But speaking of Twilight, I've said it before but she will soon work out who I really am."

"I know. And I will be there to support you when she does."

Soy on me more like.

"And I would like Twilight to instruct you in your magic use."

"Trixie already has."

"True, but that was before we discovered you could overload a horn blocker with ease, and teleport away without leaving any trace of the spell. That is very highly skilled magic, Apollo. I wasn't joking earlier when I put another horn blocker on you. I was genuinely afraid of your safety and the safety of others. That is why it is still in place."

"Can I have it removed?"

"Not yet."

Celestia must have noticed my annoyance as I felt her nuzzling my neck, "I know you don't like it, Apollo, but I have to think about your safety. But, I will compromise. While the horn blocker you are wearing is, usually, irremovable by the wearer, I will provide you with one that the wearer can put on and remove at will."

"They make those?"

Celestia nodded, "For medicinal reasons. Usually for patients who have unstable magic and need to keep it under control, like yourself. The one you are wearing is usually reserved for criminals, or in rare cases, patients with limited or no mental capacity for decision making and so on."

"So why not exchange them now?"

"I don't have the alternative at hoof. Besides," Celestia continued, taking a look at me, "Your magic is acting up right now."

"Huh?"

"The gem in your horn blocker is glowing."

"But I'm not intentionally using magic."

"I know. Hence why I can't remove it," she replied, lighting up her horn.

After a few seconds, her horn stopped glowing and she merely hummed.

"What?" I asked.

"If that horn blocker was not in place, then everything metal nearby would have been ripped or bent out of place."

"What?" I asked again.

"You subconsciously cast a spell that manipulates magnetic fields."

"Cool!"

Celestia rolled her eyes, "But dangerous. Now you know why I have to take the precautions I have?"

I sighed and lowered my head, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Cheer up, my little pony," she said happily, "Things will improve and before you know it you will be a master spell caster."

"I doubt it."

"Twilight has excellent knowledge in magic. I assure you, if she can't teach you magic, nopony can."

"Not even you?"

"I am busy with princess things."

I doubted it, but anyway, we reached the dining room and went inside. All but Twatface were inside and, sat at the table. All attired in dress, tiaras and crowns. Twilight was wearing her Element tiara instead. The Demon was in a particularly good mood about it all.

Not sure why.

Wearing dresses isn't all she claimed it to be.

"Come and sit next to me, Little Bunny."

I hate it when she calls me that.

Feeling myself getting nudged by Celestia's wing, I walked forward and sat myself down next to her.

"Good evening," I said, trying to be polite for once.

"Good evening to you," Rarity replied.

"So, errrr," I began, tapping my hooves nervously on the table, "When's Captain Up-His-Own-Arse coming?"

"He'll be along, don't worry."

"Are you sure he'll do it?"

"He'll be obligated to," replied Cadence, "But if pulling military rank doesn't work, then I'll remind him that I'm his wife."

"Will that work?"

"You don't know much about mares, do you?" Rarity replied.

"I know nothing about them other than they are needlessly complicated and make no logical sense."

"I think we've just been insulted," Celestia replied, "Maybe I should extend your punishment."

"Just stating a universal truth."

Without warning, the door to the dining room burst open with considerable force, eliciting a loud bang with the displacement of air blowing out a few candles; the latter of which Celestia relit whilst frowning disapprovingly at Twatface.

He sat himself down, not even bothering to apologise for being late. He was sat opposite myself, and as expected, he took great delight in my attire. Again.

"You must like wearing that dress a lot, Apollo," he said smugly, "Maybe you should have been a mare instead."

"Nah," I dismissed, "I'm useless in the kitchen."

I didn't need to look around to see the disapproving looks the mares shot at me.

And Rarity can kick hard under the table.

I didn't yelp though. It was just a hard enough kick to let me know she didn't approve of what I said, and the look that followed let me know she would be having words with me later.

"Spending too much time trying to look pretty," Twatface replied, "Or getting drunk."

"At least I can handle my drink. I heard that you get tipsy before you even finish your first shandy."

A few giggles went around the room, which turned Twatface's smug look intro a stern glare.

"Be silent or I will have you put in the dungeons."

"You don't have that authority."

"I do. I am a Prince."

"Of the Crystal Empire. And even then, you're a Prince Regent, you have no real authority."

"I am a Prince! Do not speak to me like that!"

I don't know why the others, particularly the Princesses, didn't intervene. Maybe they just wanted Twatface to dig himself in deeper, or wait for the opportune moment to strike.

"I speak to anyone however I want. Granted it does get me into trouble now and again-"

"And into dresses," Twatface smugly added.

"Speaking of dresses," Cadence added, trying to hold back her glee, "Have you noticed what everypony is wearing?"

Twatface looked around.

"You are all wearing dresses and regalia. What of it?"

"Did you not read the sign before you came in?"

"What sign?"

"The sign that said anypony entering this room to have dinner this evening would have to be properly attired."

"I am wearing my guard uniform."

"A bit rustic for a fine dining event," I quipped, "I would have thought a Prince Regent would have known that."

"Guards! Take this pony to the dungeons!"

Not a single guard moved.

Twatface turned to one of the guards, "I gave you an order!"

I took no notice of the idiot and instead picked up a champagne bottle and turned to Rarity, "Champagne? M'lady?"

"Oh Apollo," she giggled, "You can be such a gentlecolt."

She motioned for me to pour some before the bottle was suddenly ripped out of my hooves. As I was in the middle of pouring it, it meant champagne went all over the table.

"Now look at what you've done," I said, pointing to the mess.

"The maids can clean it up."

"That's about right for you. You make a mess but someone else can clean it up."

"I am a Prince, they are maids."

I could barely wait for the moment when Twatface would be brought crashing back down to Earth. Or whatever the locals called their world. Twatface was only building up all the shit he would be landing himself in and it was glorious to not only watch, but be a part of.

"You should be more respectful of the maids. They do an excellent job and you just treat it as though it's trivial."

"Cleaning is an easy job. Anypony can do it."

Oh Twatface, you can not comprehend how much I hope those words come back to bite you in your plot. Twatface continued speaking though.

"Not that you would ever know, You wouldn't want to get any dirt on that pretty dress, would you?"

OK, now that hit a nerve. Whilst I didn't like wearing it, I'll readily admit that Rarity is extremely gifted in her craft and insulting such a fine piece of work was crossing a line. He must have noticed my irritance as he suddenly burst into laughter, slamming his hooves up and down on the table.

"Oh this is brilliant," he laughed, "It's true!"

How to turn his own words against him?

"It's true," I said, prompting genuine gasps of shock from around the table.

"You mean you do like wearing it?" Rarity asked, her eyes sparkling with delight.

"Not exactly, but it's true I don't want to get it dirty. Not after you put so much effort into making it, that and it does look rather expensive."

"It's true," Rarity conceded, "I do use only the finest of materials, and it means so much to me that you care for what I do."

"I'm not that much of an arsehole."

Twatface was still laughing, "Get a room you two."

More gasps of shock sounded from around the table and it took a firm shake of the head from Celestia to stop Cadence from skinning her husband right there and then.

"Shining!" Twilight yelled, "Don't speak to my friends like that!"

"Apollo isn't your friend, he said he doesn't even like you."

"Compared to you," I said, "I love her to bits."

Twilight blushed, Rarity got giddy with excitement, and Cadence looked like she was about to burst with joy.

"You're not having my sister."

"I never said I would, but even if I did pursue a relationship, you have no right to stop me."

"I can and I will. I don't want my sister in a relationship with a whimpy stallion who prefers wearing dresses and going to tea parties than being a real stallion."

Oh I am going to enjoy this.

"Well, I don't know what you mean by 'real' stallion, but-"

"A real stallion is a stallion who is big, strong, a fighter. Not a prissy little wimp with Princess fantasies."

"The first guy sounds more like an arsehole to me."

"It's myself I described!"

"That'll be why then. Anyway, speaking of dresses, did you see the sign outside? We asked before getting off track."

"The sign that states proper attire it to be worn for this dinner, what of it?"

"Maybe...you should read it more closely."

Twatface looked at me, scowling for several seconds before getting up and going to look at the sign. He came back just as quickly, still looking grumpy.

"It says diners must wear the appropriate dress. I am in full dress uniform so...."

He stopped when he saw what was in his seat, and in front of his seat.

"Like the sign says," I continued, "Appropriate dress. Surely you're not going to disobey a rule put in place by Princess Celestia now, are you?"

Twatface glared is teeth and stomped a hoof defiantly on the ground, "I am NOT wearing a dress."

"It's the rule," I replied, "One you agreed to when you walked into this room."

"I am NOT-"

"Shining!" Cadence's cold shout cut through the air, immediately shutting Twatface up.

At least I now know who wears the trousers in that family.

"As your Princess, but more as your WIFE, I ORDER you to go with Miss Rarity and Auntie Luna."

"But-"

"BUT WHAT?!"

Twatface recoiled into the ground in fear.

"Keep the champagne on ice darling," Rarity said to me as she got up, "We won't be too long."

Rarity walked around to where Twatface was still huddles on the floor, and with Luna, teleported away to fuck know's where. Probably the same chamber of horrors I was in.

"That was rather prolonged," the Marquess said, "I thought we were going to force him straight away?"

"Same here," I replied, "But letting himself dig himself in deeper was too tempting."

"I must say though," Twilight began, "I've never seen my brother act so....so..."

"Like me?"

Twilight looked up at me, understanding what I was saying but reluctant to say yes.

"Don't worry little Twilight, I know I can be....a bit of a twat at times. But your brother really took the biscuit."

"I must also say I've never seen him act this way," Celestia added, "I don't know what's gotten into him."

"It's certainly been a most unusual day," I added, "I never saw this happening when I was getting plastered last night."

"Apollo?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"I just wanted to apologise for how I've been towards you. The encounter with the mo-...human, scared me and knowing you've been in contact with it....I guess I was just frightened of what could happen."

Wow. For the first time since I've met her, Twilight is talking sense.

"Don't worry about it. I forgive you."

Why hold a grudge? I got my shit back and I have no intention of being like Twatface. That and I remember who the real enemy is.

"Thank you. I was wondering, if that's OK, if you could show me how all that stuff works? You said you knew how."

"I'll show you, but let's get tonight over with. Your brother needs to learn a few lesson first."

"Agreed. Just for the record, I have no problems with stallions who want to wear dresses."

"I sort of do, but please bear in mind that I had a very different upbringing than you. You thought and did as you were told if you knew what was good for you."

"What changed your opinion? Even if it's only a little?"

"I spent time around other people who had different opinions. I'll go more into it one day, but for now, I'd just like to order some food and enjoy the night."





Twatface was noticeably less mouthy upon his return.

His dress was prettier than mine too.

I'm almost jealous.

Damn Rarity.

She's getting to me.
> Chapter - 13 - Finally
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was almost dancing with joy as I stood before the building in front of me. Finally, I had my workshop, located on the outskirts of town, like Sweet Apple Acres, but the opposite side of town. The large building stood around three stories high and was constructed from bricks, a rarity for Ponyville.

Heh, Rarity.

Anyway, I stood in front and gazed up in delight, knowing I would finally have somewhere to build weapons of mass destruction technology that would benefit pony society. Celestia couldn't help but giggle at my behaviour.

I was quite the happy bunny.

Though don't tell Rarity, or Fluttershy, that I think that...

Never again do I want to be dressed like one.

I still shudder at the memory of that.

"Do you like it, my little pony?"

"It looks good on the outside," I replied happily, "I can't wait to see inside."

"Then let's not stand around," she replied, walking forward, "Come on in and I'll give you a tour."

I trotted, giddy with excitement walked alongside Celestia, with Rainbow and Lyra following. All the others were busy doing fuck knows what. Come to think of it, I don't recall seeing any pony as we walked from the hotel to my new workshop. Anyway, we followed Celestia inside through the wooden front door with a side window, beside which, just a few feet further along, were two huge doors allowing larger goods or items to be taken away or put inside. 

Immediately upon entering, was a small reception like area, complete with benches and a water cooler.

Did Celestia think I was going to have visitors?

"This here," Celestia began, "Is the reception room. I know you wish to recreate technology from your homeland, but I hoped you may also consider taking on commissions or providing repair service to my subjects."

"I'll consider it," I replied, "But recreating human technology is my priority."

"Fair enough," Celestia replied, "Speaking of which, are you still satisfied with the payments we agreed upon?"

As this moment got closer, Celestia and I began to talk about payment. After all, bills and food don't pay for themselves. I would receive payments from the crown to the sum of 24,000 bits per month, not including expenses. The latter would pay for parts, materials etc that I required for my work, which would be paid for with credit, then I would fill out an expense request to Sunbutt, which would, hopefully cover everything. Anything that wasn't, would be paid for out of my own pocket.

I had already made requests with regards to metal working machines, tools and supplies, to get me started. I think the initial cost of those those things alone was around 50,000 bits. What the warehouse and refurbishment cost I have no idea.

"Where's the living accommodation?" I asked.

"Upstairs," Celestia replied, walking over to a doorway, "On the top floor. Follow me, my little ponies."

We followed her up a flight of some stairs, up to the top floor, to my new home. Celestia opened the door and we walked in. The apartment had hardwood flooring and an open kitchen and lounge, with windows giving panoramic views of Ponyville. The kitchen was fairly modern, even by Earth standards and boasted some cool tech, and the corner sofa and mahogany coffee table helped give it a real homely feeling.

"There's also three bedrooms, the master room en-suite," Celestia continued, "And a separate bathroom."

"What do you think Vlad?" Lyra asked.

"Looks great," I replied, "Finally a place to call home.....well, sort of."

I winced slightly at the mention of home, being reminded of no longer being able to see England or Russia again hitting me hard.

"You OK Vlad?" asked Rainbow.

"I'm fine," I replied, lying.

"There's is no need to pretend Vladimir," Celestia replied, walking over an wrapping a wing around me, "We know how much it hurts."

You've no idea how much it hurts, lady! 

"I'll be fine," I said quietly.

"Course you will," Rainbow boasted confidentially, "You have us!"

Celestia let go and almost immediately, Rainbow and Lyra hugged me, much to my consternation. I looked to Celestia for assistance, but all she did was hold back a giggle.

"Aren't you going to hug us back, Vladdy?" Lyra asked.

"No I am NOT! I'm a Russian, I don't hug."

"Yeah, sure you don't," Rainbow replied, nuzzling me.

"We're not letting go until you hug us back, Vladdy," Lyra cooed, nuzzling my other cheek.

If it weren't for the horn blocker I'd remove them easily, but alas, my magic has been growing more unstable, but according to experts I should be able to get it under control within a few weeks.

With Twilight's tutoring.

Something I'm not really looking forward too.

Reluctantly, I wrapped my forelegs around them.

"Aww," Lyra cooed, "He's such a sensitive stallion."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, yeah, enough of this mushy stuff."

"And remember," Lyra continued, "After a hard days work getting messy with machinery, you can go with Rarity to the spa to freshen up."

My face went beat reed with embarrassment, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"We know you go with Rarity and Fluttershy to the spa," Lyra answered smugly.

"No comment."

"We'll take that as confirmation," Rainbow answered.

"Anyway," I continued through gritted teeth, "Could I see the actual work shop now? Please?"

"Of course," Celestia replied, "Follow me."

We followed Celestia once more back down the stairs to the hallway, turning left down the corridor. Celestia stopped before the door and held out a hoof.

"You first, Apollo."

I said nothing and instead stared at Celestia for several seconds before replying, "There's lots of ponies behind that door isn't there?"

"Errr..." 

"And they're going to yell 'surprise' as soon as I flick the lights on?"

"Well..."

"I thought I made it clear that I hate parties."

"Pinkie insisted," Rainbow replied, "You know how she gets."

"She really needs to learn how to take 'no' for an answer."

"But-"

"I'll put up with it," I replied, cutting off any response, "But I'm going to introduce myself to them....my way."

"How are you going to do that?" asked Lyra.

I removed my horn blocker and lit up my horn, grinning devilishly as I did so, "Like this."





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Inside the main workshop of the warehouse, several dozen ponies stood in darkness, awaiting the moment the lights came on. At Pinkie's insistence, many of the town's prominent ponies, including all of the elements, Applejack included, waited.

"How long is he going to be?" asked Pinkie.

"Not too much longer," Applejack replied, "He came in with Rainbow, Lyra and the Princess just a few minutes ago."

"Well I hope he doesn't take too much longer," Pinkie whined.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

I moved silently in the darkness. Creeping in the shadows between the assembled ponies, none of them aware of my presence. In doing so, I picked up on the conversation involving Applejack and Pinkie. The latter being unsurprisingly impatient.

Since that incident with Applejack, we have managed to be on cordial terms. I gave back the money she was to pay me, I wouldn't take money from her when she has a family to provide for. She refused at first, being too stubborn to accept help, so I bought a fuck ton of apples.

We've barely talked over the last few weeks, but at least we're not at each other's throats any more.

"He won't be much longer Pinkie," Applejack said, "Just sit tight, you'll be able to party soon. But if you make too much noise he may hear us and ruin the surprise."

"THAT WOULD BE AWFUL!"

"PINKIE!"





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

"For Celestia's sake!" Rarity whined, "How much longer must we wait in this dark and dingy warehouse? My new dress is getting all dirty."

No one bothered to reply, instead they continued to wait patiently for the door opening.

...

...

...

...

...

...


"BOO!"





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

Outside, Celestia, Lyra and Rainbow waited outside, their attention soon focussed on the screaming from within.

Curious, they opened the door and stood open mouthed at the sight. Ponies were running in all directions around screaming their lungs out, except for the other Elements, while Apollo stood smugly in the centre, looking very pleased with himself.

Celestia walked over, putting on her best 'disapproving mother' look.

"Apollo Belvedere!" she said sternly.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

I looked up, and my satisfaction vanished as soon as I saw who was coming towards me.

Oh fuck....





Five minutes later, after everyone had calmed down, I was standing with the Elements in front of Celestia.

That was after getting a telling off for scaring everyone.

Totally worth it though.

Even if I did have to go to another tea party.

In 'appropriate' attire.

As I said though, totally worth it.

"Well, my little pony," she said, looking down to me, "As promised, your workshop. Here, you can recreate the wonders of your homeland."

Talking about wonder of my homeland, I showed Twilight all the gadgets and how they worked. She hasn't tried taking them away again, I think, but she's at least stopped referring to my former self as 'the monster'. To my knowledge, she, and Applejack, are still none-the-wiser as to my real identity. Evidenced by the fact that Twilight is still looking for leads to my whereabouts. 

If that makes sense.

Anyway, Celestia continued.

"I'm sure that all the ponies of Equestria and beyond will benefit from your brilliant mind, and I know that many will look forward to the wonders you will recreate."

There was a sudden stomping of hooves in applause.

Except Twilight, who just rolled her eyes.

Honestly, I feel as though I could recreate the Saturn V rocket, launch it and it still wouldn't convince her that I know my shit.

Meanwhile the ponies went about helping themselves to the food on show, whilst the Royal Sunbutt walked over to me, smiling happily.

Is she always this happy?

"How are you faring? My little pony."

One day I will clock her in her pony tits if she calls me that again.

"I'm fine, just eager to get started."

"That's understandable," she replied, still smiling, "Though I do hope you take part in the occasion."

"I would if there was booze."

"It's only 9am," Twilight remarked.

"So?"

"So?" Twilight repeated, "That's far too early to consume alcohol."

"No it's not. It's never to early to get pissed."

A sudden forced, but quiet coughing could be heard from a big white pony, who was also frowning at me.

Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but let out a groan of frustration, "Fine. I won't drink at this time."

"Ahem," Celestia replied, her frown indicating she was waiting for something.

A let out a deep sigh and stared out ahead of me, "I'm sorry for using a naughty word."

"I accept your apology," Celestia replied, giving me a kiss on the forehead, before walking away.

Now I was alone with Sparklebutt.

"Twilight," I said, not particularly wanting to be with her right now.

"Apollo," she replied awkwardly, ".......how are you?"

"Fine."

...

...

...

...

"I'm sorry about what happened by the way."

"Forget it," I replied, "It's in the past. So long as your brother stops abusing his authority, I'll be fine."

"Don't worry about that, Cadence will make sure of it."

I shuddered at that mare's name. 

Don't let her prissy looks fool you, she's a vile, evil demon who will make you suffer greatly if you piss her off.

"Speaking of Cadence," Twilight continued, "She was asking if you wanted to attend any of her tea parties in the future?"

"I've been 'invited' by Celestia," I replied through gritted teeth.

"That was for scaring everypony. Cadence's invitation is different."

"I'll consider it, but no dresses!"

"She'll be disappointed, but won't force it. Unless you start swearing again."

I scoffed loudly, "Why do ponies have such a fucking problem with my fucking swearing? What's the big fucking deal?"

Twilight just looked at me like I'd taken a massive dump on her books, "Because it's not nice to hear."

"So?"

"So?!" she spluttered back, "Just don't swear!"

"I can swear all I fucking want."

"Such uncouth language!"

I turned around and saw the demon fashionista approaching, scowling at me.

"Twilight darling," Rarity said, approaching her friend, "Is Apollo causing you problems?"

"Not exactly, but he is swearing again."

"I see," Rarity replied, turning to me and looking quite scary, "Apollo?"

"Yes, Rarity?" I replied, trying not to sound like I was about to shit myself.

"Stop swearing."

"Why-"

"Or would you prefer to have full makeover at my boutique?"

That sounded fucking horrendous.

I shook my head vigorously.

"Then stop your brutish swearing! Or else, stallion or not, you will be modelling my new lines. Is that clear?"

I nodded my head. I knew better than to piss off Rarity.

I still intended to swear like a sailor in my workshop though.

"Excellent," she replied happily, giving a flick of her mane, "Come on then darlings, we can't stand at the side now and ignore everypony."

Twilight joined Rarity, quickly walking alongside. I decided to remain where I was, having no interest whatsoever in mingling with the others. Sadly, Rarity had other ideas.

"You too, Apollo," she replied, lifting me up with her magic and carrying me through the air.





How the bloody hell can ponies eat so much sugar and not suffer ill effects? There tables piled high with iced cakes and muffins, fondant fancies, iced doughnuts and so on. Did diabetes exist in Equestria? And talking of cakes, Celestia can put them away like I do alcohol.

I'm surprised her flanks aren't bigger than they already are.

But don't tell her I said that.

The consequences would be...dire.

Anyway, the party was in full swing, with most ponies asking me what all the equipment did. I'm glad there was a protective spell over them. I don't want to be scraping icing or frosting off of the machines before I can begin work.

I did try explaining, but every answer seemed to sprout more questions.

It's like trying to talk sense and reason to a jobsworth traffic warden.

What a bell-end he was, giving an ambulance a ticket for being on double yellow lines, despite the paramedics attending a call. Some people are so devoid of intelligence it makes me wonder how they survive day to day.

Anyway, back at the party and I was trying to keep myself to myself, a task far more difficult when you're surrounded by fluffy ponies with no concept of personal space.

And brains the size of walnuts.

Seriously, how hard can it be to understand what max q is? Or the difference between an inlet manifold and an exhaust manifold?

Do these ponies not learn anything at school?

Apparently not.

I'm pretty sure half the words I used they'd never heard of before.

Though on the plus side, all of my talking stopped me from having to eat a dangerous level of sweet treats.

Equestria better have some strong whiskey.

If not I'll make my own.

Anyway, the almighty Sunbutt was walking over to me. The assembled ponies parted like the Red Sea to allow her through, looking delighted at being so close to their beloved dictator princess. I honestly don't know what they see in her. She's just a glorified cake addict.

"My little ponies," she said serenely, "Are you all enjoying the festivities?"

The little ponies all happily replied they were. I remained silent.

Guess who noticed.

"Apollo," the cake addict said, "Are you not enjoying yourself?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You look bored."

"So?"

"Do you not like the party?"

"Does it matter?"

Celestia looked slightly taken back by my response, but why I couldn't say, "No....I suppose not."

There were several seconds of awkward silence as none of us did anything or say anything, until Celestia herself broke that silence, "Well, I shall leave you all to enjoy yourselves."

Celestia left us, something clearly bothering her.





The 'party' wrapped up around 1pm. All that was left behind now were the leftovers and a lot of mess. At least Spike and the girls stayed behind to help clean everything. Fortunately, nothing had gotten inside or entangled with the machines in the workshop.

Cleaning took nowhere near as long as I thought it would, thanks to Pinkie who made light work of it.

She actually enjoyed cleaning up.

She is most definitely a strange one.

Anyway, cleaning was done in under half an hour, so we all went up to my new apartment above the workshop and settled down for tea and biscuits.

"This is a nice place you have, Apollo," Fluttershy said, sitting herself down on the sofa.

"Aye, it's nice to have a place of my own instead of a hotel room. I can actually cook my own food now."

"What will you cook first?" asked Rainbow.

"A big, juicy steak."

Apart from Rainbow, Pinkie and Fluttershy, the others went a pale shade of green.

"Why do you enjoy eating animals?" asked Twilight.

"Because they're delicious. Besides, how is it any  different from animals eating animals?"

Twilight went to answer, raising a hoof to make a point, but lowered it again when she came up short.

"I don't see a problem with it," Fluttershy added.

"Thank you."

"But you're eating the flesh of another animal," Twilight needlessly pointed out.

"So? It's not my fault they're so tasty and delicious."

"But-"

"Just drop it Twilight," Rainbow said, coming to my defence, "Pegasi regularly eat fish but nopony else ever complains about that."

Twilight began scowling, clearly not liking having her own way like she probably has done every time in the past.

"So Apollo," Rarity began, "What will you build first?"

"Well, first I would need to have specific components made, but my first intention id to build an internal combustion engine. The only problem I have I finding a fuel source."

"What would you use as a fuel source?" asked Rainbow, "Can't you use coal?"

I shook my head, "Not for internal combustion. I need a liquid called petroleum, or another liquid called diesel. It shouldn't be too difficult given that you refine crude oil anyway for heating oils and bitumen."

"Do you know how to refine crude oil that way?"

"I know how, but I've never done it personally. But I'm sure your scientists would be interested in learning how."

"I'll talk to Princess Celestia," Twilight said, "She might be able to arrange a meeting."

"Thanks, it'll help. Now, who wants tea?"





Finally, peace and quiet.

The girls had finally left, leaving me on my own.

It was almost 5pm and I was starving, so naturally I went over to the fridge and took out a 14oz beef prime steak. Salivating just at the sight of it, I took it over to the kitchen counter and began to season it with black pepper and my own secret mix. Soon, I placed it in a pre heated pan on the hob and waited. I popped in some roast potatoes in the oven too, which apparently, could properly cook them in about ten minutes.

I doubted it, but I'd believe it when I see it.

Next were thee vegetables, already cut but just needed putting into a pan to boil.

Just one thing was missing.

Whiskey.

On a trip to Manehattan, I found a shop run by a Griffin that sold all manner of booze from stout ales to all manners of Scotch whiskeys. Needless to say, I bought quite a bit and the owner signed me up to his store membership scheme, meaning I get discounts on what I buy.

That day alone I bought several litre bottles of The Famous Moorcock and Blair Athol, which had uncanny similarities with The Famous Grouse and Grant's.

Not that I care.

Or the Griffin owner, who was over the moon at meeting a pony who could drink.

I spent that much on booze he gave me a complimentary set of whiskey glasses and decanter, and recommended a friend of his for a drinks cabinet.

That drinks cabinet now sits with pride in my front room. Filled with over two dozen bottles of whiskey, brandy, liqueur, gin and vodka.

All of it really good.

Probably because none of it is pony made.

Not that I have anything against the fluffy friendaholics, but they just don't know how to make good booze. They may sell other nations booze, but they don't make their own. At least, they don't make what I would consider to be booze.

I poured myself some whiskey, on the rocks, and went back over to the pan and turned the steak over, having seared it nicely on one side. I seasoned the new side like I did the other and waited until it was equally seared. Medium is how I like my steak.

Minutes later I walked over, steak and whiskey in my magic and sat down at the table, ready to indulge in a meal I haven't had in weeks.





*PERSPECTIVE SHIFT*

In the private quarters of the castle, Celestia was resting her head on her forelegs, looking down in the dumps.

"What troubles you, sister?" asked Luna.

"It's Apollo."

"What of him?"

"He seems....unhappy."

"How so?"

"Earlier today, at the opening of his new workshop, he didn't seem to enjoy the festivities, and showed a small degree on anger when questioned as to why not."

"Not everypony enjoys parties, Tia. I don't."

"But I feel there is something more to it."

"You are too sensitive, Celestia. You are just taking his reaction to heart to much."

"Perhaps."
> Chapter - 14 - Slumber Party
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few weeks had passed since my workshop opened and things were well under way towards making my own internal combustion engine. It had been quite troublesome at first trying to get all the components made, but quicker than I was expecting, enough were made of each part to allow me to get cracking.

Which would be easier if I didn't have the nosy locals interrupting me every hour of the sodding day.

Anyway, I was walking through town on my way to a corner shop get the day's newspaper and another pint of milk. 

I can't work without a brew.

I had made it to the shop and went inside, picking up a copy of The Equestrian Times at the door with my magic, before heading to the fridges at the back where the milk was. I grabbed a six pint carton of full fat whole milk with my magic and headed to the tills to pay, also grabbing some bars of wholenut chocolate on the way. I made it to the till where I handed the cashier my items, when I noticed her scrunching her nose up in disgust.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Err....well, you're filthy. And you smell."

I admired and respected her bluntness and I looked back at my body and fair enough I was covered in oil and grease from working with machines all morning.

"Yeah, I've been working. I'll need a good bath tonight."

"Or two," the cashier snipped.

"I'm not that dirty."

"Dirty enough, anyway, that'll be four bits eighty pence please."

I levitated over a five bit note which she took in her own magic, before giving me my change which I put into the charity box.

"Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome."

I trotted out of the store to head over to Rarity's boutique. I may as well check up on my commission of a boiler suit while I'm out. It didn't take long for me to get there and I rang to door bell. Within second's, the door opened.

"Good afternoon," she began, oblivious to my state, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique where everything is- ARGH!"

"Hey Rarity," I replied happily, pretending to be oblivious to my grease and oil covered body, "I came about the boiler suit?"

"C-Couldn't you have waited until AFTER you had a bath?" she wailed.

I rolled my eyes, "It's only a little dirt."

Rarity spluttered incomprehensibly, "It most certainly is NOT just 'a little dirt'! You are having a bath this very instant!"

"But-"

Before I could continue, I was grabbed my Rarity's magic and taken inside and upstairs to the bathroom where I was dumped inside the bath. Rarity switched on the taps before going over to her collection of lotions and whatnot.

"I will not have anypony in my boutique smell of grease and oil and getting everything all dirty."

She walked back over and pulled out a bottle of lotion, "I think some lavender will suit you."

"I don't want to smell like a mare!"

"You will smell however I decide when you are in my boutique. Honestly Vlad, do you not take pride in your appearance?"

"I shower every day!"

"When was the last time you had a bath though?"

"Errrr....several years?"

Rarity poured the entire bottle in, never once taking her eyes off of me, "You will have a proper bath. I will return in thirty minutes. If I am not satisfied, I shall give you another one myself."

Rarity left without another word, leaving me to bath in my own dirt. Not particularly wanting to suffer the indignity of Rarity giving me a bath, I got on with cleaning myself, grabbing a clean sponge Rarity had also provided.





Thirty minutes later, I was just finishing drying myself when the mare herself returned.

"Well," she began, "Things certainly smell much better than before, I think you are now in acceptable condition to walk around my boutique."

"You know I'll only get dirty again?"

"Not in my boutique you won't. Now come on, your boiler suit is downstairs."

I followed Rarity downstairs into the main store area. I couldn't see my boiler suit anywhere, only extravagant ball gowns and dresses of all kinds, and the occasional suit.

"Just wait here darling, I'll be back in a moment."

Rarity trotted off leaving me on my own. Rather than just standing around waiting for a Royal Invite I decided to have a look around, if only to see more closely Rarity's handiwork. As annoying as she was, there was no doubting her talents. Something I experienced first hoof.

I still shudder at the memory of that.

I would throw that dress out but I get the dreadful feeling that if I do I will have an angry fashionista smashing my front door in followed by my face.

I was looking at one dress in particular, a  full length silver effort, when I felt my nose twitch.

Uh-oh.

It twitched again.

Before I could turn away or even cover my nose, it happened.

I sneezed. 

After a few seconds I nervously opened my eyes and I saw a sight that mortified me.

Green snot and bogies had made themselves at home on Rarity's dress.

"Oh Apollo darling!"

My eyes went to pin pricks and I'm pretty sure my heart missed a beat.

I am so dead.

I didn't even have time to cast an illusion spell to hide the snot.

"There you are," she said happily, "Interested in more dresses, are we?"

"NO! YES! NO! I MEAN-"

"There's no need to yell darling, I won't judge. Are you interested in this dress in particular?"

I suppose I could buy it, still hiding the snot, take it home and burn it thus preserving my very existence.

"Yes."

"As supportive as I am of your...choice in clothing, it is designed for a mare of smaller stature. I could make adjustments but if I did I may as well make a new dress from scratch."

"It's not for me, it's for.....a mare I met."

Her eyes lit up like diamonds, "Oh you must tell me darling. Who is this lucky mare?"

"I'd...rather not say, yet," I replied, hoping she would buy it.

"But I can give you some advice. And if you describe her appearance, I could let you know if this is the dress for her."

"It is. I know."

"Oh?" Rarity replied, with an unnerving smile, "I never knew your interest was so strong."

"I'm not interested in such things," I replied, knowing she wouldn't believe it, "I just...know, this is the dress for her."

Rarity continued to look at me for several more seconds, her eerie smile not faltering once, "Well, if you say so darling. I shall go an get a protective box for it to go in. You wouldn't want it to get dirty now...would we?"

"No Rarity, that would be awful," I replied, smiling and not trying to let my guard down.

"Splendid, I shall leave you alone again once more, I shall be back shortly."

Rarity left and after she rounded the corner, I quickly took the dress down and began to fold it in a way that the snot would be hidden. After my last 'modelling session', Rarity had me practice folding them 'correctly' after I just threw it into a wardrobe. Rarity damn nearly blew a gasket when she saw me do that. Anyway, fortunately, the snot was hidden. 

A few seconds later, Rarity returned with a box.

"Oh darling, you must be eager to buy it," she said noting me having the folded dress in my magic.

"Well you know me, I like to get on with things."

"Indeed you do," she replied, levitating the box over to me, allowing me to put the dress inside.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome darling," she replied, securing the lid in place with purple ribbon she tied into a bow, "Now, your far less glamorous boiler suit."

From another, larger, box, she removed the lid and took out my boiler suit in navy blue and a hard hat. The latter of which I wasn't expecting.

"Here you are darling," she said happily, "If you could try them on, I can see if any adjustments need to be made."

"Sure."

With a bit of help from Rarity, I managed to get all four legs into the sleeves and button the suit up. Looking at myself in the mirror, it certainly made me look the part.

"I can't see anything else that needs doing," Rarity said, placing the hard hat on my head, "You look quite the engineer now."

"I looked like one before."

Rarity frowned, "Darling, before you looked like you hadn't washed in months, at least now you can finish working and go out without reeking of grease and oil."

"Yeah, now I reek of lavender and rosemary."

"You do not reek, you smell divine."

"I'll have to go for a swim in some pig slurry to get rid of the smell."

Rarity rolled her eyes, "Stop being such a drama queen."

"A bit rich coming from you."

Rarity turned to me with a fierce scowl, "If you would like to remain for even longer and model dresses then-"

"NO! No, I mean, you're right."

"Excellent" she replied, returning to her cheery self, "Now, if you'll follow me, we shall see how much this little shopping spree will cost."

"Sure," I replied, "Just let me take off the suit first."

A minute or so later, I was with Rarity at her ledger desk where she handed me my bill.

The boiler suit was the fifty bits I was originally quoted.

But the dress I had to buy to avoid my life being ended, was eye-wateringly painful.

Of all the dresses I had to sneeze on, it just had to be one that was 'in-season' and made of exquisite materials.

"That will be two thousand two hundred and fifty bits."

I, feeling sick to my stomach and like all life had been drained from me, levitated over my credit card. Good thing it had a five thousand bit limit.

"Thank you darling," Rarity replied, taking the card and inserting it into a magic crystal version of chip and pin. I tapped in my number and, after the receipts printed off, Rarity put them in my bags and levitated them over top me.

"Here you are, darling. If you ever need anything else, suits, shirts, dresses...dry cleaning, you know where to find me."

"Of course. Thanks again Rarity. You're a great friend."

"Thank you, Apollo. Speaking of friends, there is a get together tonight at the library with the rest of my friends. Why not join us?"

"Errr...."

"Don't worry about Twilight, she won't pester you."

"How can you be sure?"

"We made her Pinkie Promise."

I just blinked, "You got her to Pinkie Promise? Even though you couldn't be sure for certain I would attend?"

"Well-"

"I'm not going," I replied firmly, turning around and leaving, "Good day, m'lady."

"Very well," Rarity replied, "I'll just have to tell Rainbow Dash that you felt you couldn't beat her in a drinking contest."

What?

"What?" I asked, turning around.

"There will be plenty of alcohol available, including whiskey. But if you don't-"

"I'll be there," i replied quickly, "What time?"

"6pm."

"I'll see you then. Goodbye."

"Goodbye darling."

I left her store and quickly made my way home, ignoring everyone only to bump into a certain blue Pegasus on the way just yards from my front door.

"Hey Apollo."

"Hey Dashie, you OK?"

"I'm cool. Have you been to Rarity's? I recognise the bags."

"Just a boiler suit for my workshop," I replied, lifting the box in question.

"Cool. What else? You have two bags."

"Nothing important," I replied, continuing on.

"Come on," she whined, flying down next to me, "You can show your pal, Rainbow 'Loyal' Dash!"

"I thought your middle name was 'Danger'?"

"Just show me."

"No."

"Show meeeeee!" she whined, trying the puppy dog eyes, "And why do you smell of lavender?"

I continued walking, and in my haste I forgot that Rainbow could move quite a bit faster than I could.

"Yoink!"

Before I knew it she had grabbed the other box, untied the ribbon and opened the box.

A part of me died inside.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I sighed deeply.

Why does this crazy shit keep happening to me?

I looked up to see Rainbow still laughing, the box and its contents now on the floor. I put the dress back inside the box and stormed off in a huff, pissed off that these damn ponies always seem to have the upper hoof.

"Hey, come on Apollo! I was only joking! I couldn't care less what you like wearing!"

"I didn't buy it to wear it!" I seethed through gritted teeth, "I bought it to avoid Rarity's wrath!"

"Really?"

"Yes. I accidentally sneezed on it while Rarity was elsewhere, I didn't have time to sort it out so I did the only thing i could do, buy it."

"Did Rarity see the damage?"

"If she did, would I be standing here?"

"Did you read the note inside?" she asked with a smirk, one that made me nervous.

"What note?"

Rainbow walked over to the box and opened it and hoofed over the said note.

"See you later!"

She flew off, leaving me to read the note.

Dear Apollo,

I'm enjoyed your company earlier and am flattered that you show such a vested interest in my wares. I know you have been having a tough time, but please do remember your friends are here to help you.

Your friend,

Rarity.

PS: I cleaned the dress. As valiant as your attempt was to hide what had happened, did you honestly think you could prevent me from noticing? I heard you sneeze. It didn't take much effort to put two and two together. I didn't charge for the dress, but keep it anyway, because I believe you were being truthful when you said you've met a mare you like.

Consider it a gift from me.

I just blinked.

"SHE KNEW THE ENTIRE TIME!"





"You can't hide things from a mare, darling Apollo. Especially me."





A few hours later, I found myself outside the library, a couple of bottles of whiskey in my magic. It would be rude to turn up empty hoofed. Against my better judgement, I knocked on the door.

A few seconds later, it opened.

"Hey Apollo."

"Hey Spike."

"Party's getting started, come on in."

Spike moved aside, allowing me inside, "Here you go kid, enjoy."

Spike caught what I threw to him and his eyes almost boggled out of their sockets. Squealing in joy, he shut the door and ran up to his room.

"What was that about?" asked Twilight as I approached the girls.

"I just got him the latest limited edition Power Ponies comic."

Twilight's eyes widened, "That's...generous of you."

"What can I say? I had a miserable childhood, I'd hate to see other kids have the same one."

"Well....I appreciate it. Thank you."

"You're welcome," I replied, "By the way, I brought some Griffon whiskey."

"Great, I'll put it with the other drinks. There's just Rarity to arrive."

Rarity.

I really need to be more careful around that mare.

She's far more intelligent than she let's on.

"Great," I replied with a forced smile, "Can't wait."

"The others are already here."

I followed her and sure enough saw Fluttershy, Pinkie, Applejack and Rainbow.

The latter of which smirked the moment she saw me.

"Hey Apollo," she said, holding back laughter, "I thought you would have been, all dressed up?"

I deadpanned.

She continued laughing as I walked over to Pinkie and Applejack. The latter of which I had been on more cordial terms with. We still kept our distance, but we weren't at each other's throats. And in regards to her 500 bit fine, it took reinforcements from Dash and Apple Bloom for her to accept my offer of paying it.

She's too stubborn for her own good at times.

"Hey."

"Hey partner," she said tiredly, "Been busy?"

I nodded, "Putting together an internal combustion engine. Just hitting a few snags."

"Oh? Such as?"

"I managed to put together a four stroke engine but I'm having trouble with the spark plugs. They're not working meaning they're not igniting the fuel."

"Do you know why that is?"

"Not yet. I'll run some more tests tomorrow. Now, I just want to have a few drinks and enjoy the night."

"Well, I hope yah do solve your...thingamajig. And Twilight's planned a game of Trivia Trot later on. After a game of truth or dare."

I rolled my eyes. That should be an interesting game. May whatever God exists help me if I end up with Dash spinning the bottle on me.

Whether she chose truth or dare, I had a strong feeling what she would have in mind.

"That should be.....interesting."

"Aye, anyway, come on over; Fluttershy's here."

I followed the apple lover and before I could make a noise from my squeal hole, Fluttershy launched herself at me, wrapping me in a tight bear hug.

It was rather unexpected.

But welcome.

"Hey Fluttershy, nice to see you," I replied returning the hug.

"I haven't seen you in ages," she replied, letting go, "You spend so much time in your workshop."

"Well it is my job after all, I don't get paid to sit on my plot all day."

"Could have fooled me."

"Says you," I replied, looking over to the mare who needn't be identified, "How many naps do you have in a day?"

"Several, but I do a physically demanding job, it tires me out. You do egg heady stuff."

"Engineering is tiring work," I replied, "Proper hard graft, not like moving around some light, fluffy clouds to rain on my parade."

"Keep talking buster and it will be a torrential downpour."

"Alright alright, calm down everypony," Applejack replied, "No need to get yer tails in a twist."

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"I'll get it!" Spike yelled, running from out of nowhere.

No guesses why he's so eager to answer the door.

"Rarity!"

"Hello Spikey Wikey," she said, kissing his forehead, almost causing him to faint, "Hello everypony."

Rarity walked in and shut the door, Spike to pre-occupied daydreaming to do so. Rarity approached us and pulled out her own gifts she brought.

Please be booze.

To my delight, she pulled out a bottle of red wine made in the vine yards south of San Franciscolt. The others said hi, before she turned to me.

"Hello, darling."

"Hello, Rarity. Had a nice day since our....chat?"

"A most lovely day. I take it you have too?"

"Most splendid," I replied with a fake smile, trying not to go into a rant at how a prissy drama-queen pulled one over me.

"Wonderful darling."

"Now that everypony is here," Twilight began, "Why don't we start on snacks and games?"





Truth or dare.

Seriously.

Well, the sooner we start, the sooner it ends and we can move on to Trivia Trot. At least with that I can exercise some brain cells.

"I call dibs on going first!"

"Rainbow!" Rarity scolded, "That's no way for a lady to behave."

"Well Dash isn't exactly a lady."

"And what the hay is that supposed to mean?" she asked stroppily, her hooves on her hips.

"You're not really one for grace and decorum," I replied.

"Ah have ta agree there."

"Whatever," Dash replied, "Let's just play."

"I think Apollo should go first," Fluttershy added, "He is the only stallion here, and it is his first slumber party with us."

"I agree," added Rarity.

"So do I," added Twilight, turning to me, "Is that OK?"

"Sure," I said, taking the bottle from her.

Everyone say down in a circle, except for Spike who had gone up to his room to read his new comic, And I put the bottle down on the ground and gave it a spin.

It pointed at Pinkie.

"Truth or dare, Pinkie?"

"Hmmm....dare."

"I dare you to go all day tomorrow without eating any cake."

Pinkie gasped in intense fright, "That's....that's horrible! I can't do that!"

"You have to," i replied, "I dared you."

Pinkie began breathing heavily before quickly calming down and going back ti her usual perky self, "You're right. A dare is a dare."

"Right," Twilight said, "Next is Rarity."

Rarity spun the bottle and it landed in Rainbow.

"Truth."

"Do you have a crush on Apollo?"

"WHAT?!" Dash and I said together.

"NO!" Dash added, "He's a cool guy but I don't think of him like that. No offence buddy."

"None taken," I replied.

The game went on a little more, with truths and dares involving revealing your school crush or doing a silly dance, which I dared Rainbow to do. All I had to do was reveal truths such as what would I do if I was the opposite gender for a day and when was the most inappropriate time I farted? The latter of which was asked by Rainbow.

Then it was Dash's turn again.

And guess who the bottle pointed at?

Rainbow rubbed her hooves together and grinned like a maniac.

Whatever she had planned, I knew I wasn't going to like it.

Whichever option I chose.

"Dare."

"I dare you to.......kiss Twilight."

"WHAT?!" everyone else in the room yelled.

"I'm not doing that!"

"Fine," Rainbow replied, "Then I dare you to model dresses for Rarity for the next month."

I looked for Twilight.

I stood up and slowly walked over.

Twilight remained sat on her plot, a faint shade of pink on her cheeks. I moved in closer, but slowly; to allow her to move away if she wanted. But she didn't.

I kissed her.

A small peck on the cheek.

Her blush intensified and I turned away to return back top my spot and sat down.

"That was it?" Rainbow complained, clearly expecting more.

"Must you always be so uncouth?"

"I said a kiss, not a lame peck."

"In that case," I said spinning the bottle and definitely not deliberately stopping it so it pointed at Rainbow, "I dare you to kiss Rarity."

"WHAT?!"

"I beg your pardon you uncouth ruffian!"

"You can't do that! It wasn't your turn."

"There's nothing in the rule book that says turns have to be taken in the same order."

"He's right Dashie," replied Pinkie, holding up a book titled Truth or Dare: The Rules.

"So, Dashiekins, what will it be? Kiss Rarity? Or model dresses for her for a month?"

Rainbow gritted her teeth angrily at me, clearly thinking of all manner of unpleasantries she intended to inflict upon me.

"Oh for goodness sake," Rarity huffed, standing up and throwing herself at Rainbow.

They both landed on the ground with a thud, with Rarity smothering Rainbow and using for than just her hooves.

She went in with her tongue too.

After several seconds of watching two mares play tonsil hockey, Rarity finally let go and stood back up and returned to her seat. Rainbow remained lying on her back, wings stiff as ironing boards, still in shock at what had just happened. Just like the rest of us.

Rarity, finally realising we were staring at her, just shrugged her shoulders.

"What?"





Not long afterwards, it was time for Trivia Trot.

Pinkie was rather insistent on asking the questions, and to decide who would be paired with who, lots were drawn.

Guess who I was with?

I don't know who was more disappointed. Myself or Twilight?

"Just leave the answering to me," she said muttered.

"Newsflash Sparkles, but you're not the only know-it-all here."

"I know far more than you. And don't call me Sparkles!"

"I'm not going to stay silent if I know the answer and you don't. Stop assuming you're the only one that knows things!"

"Why don't you just-"

"Have you two finished?"

Twilight and I looked up to see the others looking at us, Applejack had asked the question.

"We were just discussing tactics," I replied, casting a sideways glare at Twilight.

"We're not deaf, Little Bunny," Rarity replied, looking deeply unamused, "We all could hear you."

I bit down my tongue to avoid reacting angrily to that irritating nickname. Is it so difficult to address me by my name?

"I was just trying to tell Apollo to let me answer the questions," Twilight replied with a hint of smugness, "I am an expert at this game after all."

"Be that as it may, Twilight," Applejack said, "Apollo is still on yer team, and he may very well know answers to questions that you don't."

That surprised me, Applejack coming to my defence. She could be quite on the point when she wasn't being so damn stubborn and prideful.

Twilight scowled and crossed her hooves grumpily, refusing to look me in the eye.

This is going to be a long night.





We were half way through the game and it turned it worse than I expected. We weren't winning, mostly because Twilight kept answering questions before I could even move to press the buzzer, answering some questions incorrectly when it was obvious she didn't know the answer and I did. I think the others were picking up on my growing anger, but they said nothing.

"Next question," Pinkie said, the only one oblivious to the situation....I think.

I took a quick glance to Twilight, who was still determined to answer everything herself.

"The increase in a moving fluid's pressure over its static value due to motion, is known as what?"

Of course I knew the answer.

I went to press the buzzed but found my hoof forcibly moved away my a pinkish aura, and a violet hoof on the buzzer.

"Fluid differential," Sparkle Butt said smugly, her eyes shut and snout in the air.

It took every iota of restraint not to plant a hoof in her smug face.

"Wrong!" Pinkie replied.

Twilight's smug look instantly disappeared and was replaced with shock.

"But but-"

"The correct answer is-" Pinkie started.

"Dynamic pressure," I finished.

"Correct!" Pinkie replied, "You should have let Apollo answer, Twilight; now you lose a point for giving an incorrect answer."

We all watched as we were docked a point, putting us on 40 points. Twenty behind Applejack and Rainbow. If we were to win, we would have to answer every question in the last round correctly, and hope Cowgirl and Skittles get at least all of them wrong.

Unlikely.

I glanced over to Twilight who was scowling at me.

"What?" I asked, "You're the one who stopped me from answering, and several other questions. We would most likely be a country mile in front had you not been so selfish."

"I am not being selfish," she snapped, "I am trying to win a game of Trivia Trot made all the more difficult when I've been paired with a delusional stallion who thinks we orbit the sun!"

"We do."

"Why do you have to contradict everything we know is FACT!"

"Because your facts are wrong, and believe me the day will come when you'll see just how wrong you are and that Celestia has been lying to you."

"THAT'S PRINCESS CELESTIA TO YOU! AND DON'T YOU DARE CALL HER A LIAR!"

"Celestia is a manipulative chess master who could screw you over six ways from Sunday before you even move your pawns. Open up your eyes, Twilight. Celestia uses others for her own means, you included."

"WHY YOU LITTLE-"

"BOTH OF YER! CAN IT!"

We both looked over to Applejack. In my spat with Teacher's Pet I hadn't noticed the others looking at us in disappointment. Applejack moved towards us though, looking quite cross, soon followed by the others.

"Yer both acting like little foals squabbling over toys."

"I'm not the egotistical know-it-all who can't accept-"

"Apollo!" Applejack yelled, immediately shutting me up.

"Now," she continued, "If neither of you can play civilly, then maybe we should end the game and all go home."

Twilight and I glared icy daggers at each other, neither of us saying a word while the others returned to their seats.

The game moved to its final round, though neither Twilight or I made any attempt to answer any question, instead we sat with our backs to one another. As expected, we ended up losing, coming in last place. 

Maybe it was just to spite Twilight, but I just didn't want to answer any question and have to share a victory with her which she would have claimed all the glory for.

Whilst Applejack and Rainbow were celebrating their win, Twilight and I were still sitting with our backs turned to each other.

"You just had to make things difficult."

"Excuse me?" I replied.

"You just couldn't stay silent and let me answer the questions."

I groaned loudly and rolled my eyes, "I'm not getting into this again. I'm going home."

I got up and began walking towards the door.

"Apollo!" Rainbow yelled, "Where are you going? Party's not over!"

"I'm going home."

"Why?"

"Peace and quiet."

"But-"

I didn't let her continue before I teleported away back to my apartment, and made a beeline for my drink's cabinet, pulling out a bottle of Johhny Trotter Blue Label. 

Expensive stuff.

But definitely worth it.

After pouring myself a generous amount of whiskey, I got out my laptop from my secret safe and booted it up, having decided to watch an old classic. The original, far superior to its pony counterpart. A bit of free advice, don't waste your time reading The Coltfather. It's a valiant attempt but when it's written by fluffy ponies who can barely speak ill of an overrated cake addict, how could they write a novel about organised crime?

The Griffons however made a far greater attempt that was, to be honest, very good.

But it's still not The Godfather.





"How can anypony tolerate him?!"

"He's not too bad when you get to know him," Fluttershy replied, "He's a good pony."

"How though? He's aggressive, foul mouthed, secretive, stubborn...make no mistake, Apollo is going to be a grave threat to all of Equestria."

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Rarity asked, "I know Apollo can be a hoof full but he really does have his heart in the right place."

"Why do you hate him so much?" asked Rainbow, "Is it to do with that human?"

"They're in league together!"

"Maybe Apollo just wants to get on with his life," Rainbow replied, frowning slightly at Twilight, "And I've heard him talk about all that engineering stuff. Granted I had had no idea what he was talking about, but it was clearly obvious he knows what he is talking about. i for one would love to see a heavier-than-air flying machine that can fly faster than me."

"Faster than you?" queried Applejack.

"Non possunt primi esse omnes omni in tempore."

Several eyes just blanked at Rainbow.

"Say what now?" asked Applejack.

Rainbow groaned and rolled her eyes, "Not everyone can occupy the first rank forever. It's a phrase from an ancient language Apollo told me about, Latin. What the phrase basically means is that it is impossible to always excel."

"I beg to differ," Twilight said aloud, "I know Apollo will be a danger to us all, and I will prove it. If only we knew what he was doing right now."





"Do you like it?"

"Trixie loves it. Thank you," she replied, giving me a small kiss on the cheek.

Is it getting warm in here?

Trixie admired herself in the mirror for a few seconds more, admiring the excellent work of Rarity.

I still have no idea how she cleaned the snot away in those few seconds though.

Anyway, Trixie is happy and that's good enough for me.

"Wanna watch a different film?" I asked, "I don't think The Godfather is to your liking.

"What would I like that you have?"

"Hmm, let me see."

I looked through my folders at the films I had, sadly not my entire digital collection as I had another 1TB HDD that didn't come with me. Fortunately, most of the good films weren't on that particular drive.

"Do you like spy thrillers?"

"Trixie loves spy thrillers. Well, novels at least."

"Then in that case, I'll show you the first film of the greatest spy in history."

Trixie looked at the screen, "Dr No?"

"That's just the name of the film, the same as the novel. The spy has a different name, one that is truly iconic. Now, want any popcorn?"

"Trixie would, but first Trixie would like to get out of the dress and keep it safe for the garden party she has been invited to on Friday night."

"Garden party?"

"Duke Fancy Pants invited Trixie and a plus one of Trixie's choosing. Trixie would like Apollo to come with her."

"Sure. You wearing the dress I got you?"

"Trixie will wear nothing else, though she will need to get some matching shoes and a tiara."

"We can go to Manehatten tomorrow if you like?"

"Trixie would like that."
> Chapter - 15 - The Great And Powerful Apollo
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I blearily opened my eyes, a pounding headache throbbing in my mind and sore pain on my cheekbone. Realising I was in a heap on the floor, I staggered to my hooves, my vision came back into focus and I saw the mare before me, looking rather miffed and confirming that what had just happened actually happened.

"Has Apollo gotten the message? Or does the Great and Powerful Trixie need to redeliver it?"

...

...

...

...

"Why the fuck did you hit me?"

Without even think or blinking or thinking, Trixie replied with cold sincerity, "Apollo deserved it."

"What the fuck for?"

"For allowing those mares to treat and dress you like a beta male sissy."

"I didn't-" I snarled, "How can I stop them? They can overpower me easily!"

"Oh? From what I hear you overpowered a horn blocker and teleported in the same instant."

"Yeah. So?"

"So? So it means you can fight back! You just need to practice your magic more!"

"Fine," I huffed, "If it means no more.....anyway, are we all set for our trip?"

"Yes. The Great and Powerful Trixie is once again grateful Apollo can attend," Trixie replied, a small smile on her lips, as she leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek.





I had to go to Barnyard Bargains to get a few more supplies for my workshop, Trixie decided to stay behind to practice her show magic, and as I was browsing I wondered into the stallion's clothing section. Out of curiosity, I decided to have a look around even though I didn't need anything from here. Most things were pretty much the same as what human men wore, just shaped differently. 

As I was browsing though, I saw something that immediately made me think of one mare in particular.

No, not dresses. Something else.

A hilarious idea formed in my mind.





*A SHORT TIME LATER*

"Just what does Apollo think he is doing?" Trixie snapped, looking incredulous.

"The Great and Powerful Apollo has decided to try a new look," the Great and Powerful Apollo replied, sitting on his plot with his floofy chest pushed outwards. The Great and Powerful Trixie looked over and around the Great and Powerful Apollo, taking in his great and powerful new look. The Great and Powerful Apollo was now wearing a hat and cape very similar to the Great and Powerful Trixie, but instead of a purple cape and hat, had a royal blue coloured set, complete with affixed stars of gold and silver on the cape and hat.

"Why is Apollo talking in the third pony and wearing a hat and cape?"

"This is how the Great and Powerful Apollo speaks and dresses."

"No it isn't."

"The Great and Powerful Apollo insists it is."

The Great and Powerful Apollo observed the Great and Powerful Trixie for several seconds as she seemed to go through many thoughts in her head. What they could be though eluded the Great and Powerful Apollo.

"The Great and Powerful Apollo has a suggestion for the Great and Powerful Trixie."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie is listening."

"The Great and Powerful Apollo suggests paying the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle a visit."

The Great and Powerful Trixie rubbed her chin with a hoof in thought.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees."




The Great and Powerful Trixie and the Great and Powerful Apollo walked together towards the library, garnering many looks from not Great or Powerful ponies, whispering jealous remarks amongst themselves about how we are great and powerful and they aren't.

We approached the library without incident and the Great and Powerful Apollo knocked on the door.

Even though it's a PUBLIC library, the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle locks the door, even when in. Soon, we hear the sound of hooves and embittered muttering about disturbing 'important' science.

The only science in Ponyville being conducted that is important is what the Great and Powerful Apollo is doing.

The door opened and the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle went to speak before realising who the Great and Powerful ponies were before here. The Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle looked at us with her usual grumpy face, clearly annoyed she is nowhere near our Great and Powerful selves.

"What do you want?"

"The Great and Powerful Apollo and the Great and Powerful Trixie wish to borrow some library books," I said in a great and powerful way.

"Excuse me," Twilight replied, "But what the fuck did you say?"

"The Great and Powerful Apollo and the Great and Powerful Trixie wish to borrow some library books," the Great and Powerful Apollo repeated, silently impressed the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle swore so fluently and effortlessly. Clearly, the Great and Powerful Apollo is having a positive influence and effect on the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle.

"I heard that!" she snapped, "What I mean is why are you talking like that?!"

"The Great and Powerful Apollo does not understand what the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle means."

"Annoying and overrated?!" the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle hissed venomously, "I am the personal student of Princess Celestia herself!"

"And? The Great and Powerful Apollo does not understand how that makes the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle immune from criticism or the opinions of others."

"STOP SAYING GREAT AND POWERFUL! TALK NORMALLY!"

...

The Great and Powerful Apollo smirked.

"The Great and Powerful Apollo-"

The next thing the Great and Powerful Apollo heard was a scream akin to a woman finding her first wrinkle and the next thing t he Great and Powerful Trixie and the Great and Powerful Apollo felt was being teleported outside of the library and into the middle of Ponyville.

A few seconds passed as ponies just stared at us before going back to their business, fully accustomed to weird shit happening in their town.

"The Great and Powerful Apollo thinks the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle did not find it funny."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees," The Great and Powerful Trixie replied, giving the Great and Powerful Apollo a kiss on the cheek which caused the Great and Powerful Apollo to blush, "Now come on, the Great and Powerful Trixie requires a drink."

A few minutes later, we were in Sugarcube Corner and approached the counter, attended to by one who needs no introduction.

"Hi there the Great and Powerful Apollo and the Great and Powerful Trixie," the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie said, "How can the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie help you today?"

"Greetings, the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie," the Great and Powerful Apollo said, "The Great and Powerful Apollo will have an extra large cupcake with bubblegum flavoured icing and a large white chocolate mocha."

"Certainly," the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie replied, "And what will the Great and Powerful Trixie have?"

"The Great and Powerful Trixie will have a large blueberry muffin and cappuccino with an extra shot."

"Yes Great and Powerful ponies, right away Great and Powerful ponies," the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie replied with a salute, "AnextralargecupcakewithbubblegumflavouredicingandalargewhitechocolatemochaandalargeblueberrymuffinandcappuccinowithanextrashotcomingrightawayGreatandPowerfulponies."

As the Great and Powerful Apollo and the Great and Powerful Trixie waited for their beverages and snacks, they were visited by more of their fellow townsfolk.

"Hey there Apollo! Love the hat and cape."

"The Great and Powerful Apollo greets the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash warmly."

The Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash grinned widely, happier than a Scottish taxi driver stuck in a traffic jam with fare paying passengers, "The Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash is pleased. Does she get a hat and cape?"

"The Great and Powerful Apollo thought she would be, and yes; we shall get the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash a hat and cape."

"Oh sweet!"

"What brings the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash here?"

"The Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash heard that two Great and Powerful ponies were walking through town and I saw them come in here."

"We have just visited the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle," the Great and Powerful Trixie said, "Where she reacted as you would expect."

"The Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle teleported us outside. The Great and Powerful Apollo is tempted to put in a complaint to the Town Council over being ejected from a public building without just cause."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie will also complain."

"The Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash will abstain as she was not witness to aforementioned events."

"That's a big word for you."

"The Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash wishes for the Great and Powerful Apollo to shut up," the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash said with a scowl.

Immediately afterwards, the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie brought over our snacks and we left soon after, the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash joining us. 

"So," the Great and Powerful Apollo said, taking a bite of his cupcake, "Where to next?"

"We could head over to Vinyl's music shop?" the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash suggested.

"Sure. The Great and Powerful Apollo would like some new music for his collection and to check on Vinyl's progress on converting ours to vinyl."

Along the way we finished our snacks and dumped our rubbish in the bin, pissing off an eco-mentalist nut case that was doing eco-mentalist stuff nearby. Like those eco-mentalist Earth ponies who glued themselves to the landing pad of a chariot landing pad, saying that Pegasi were 'damaging' the air with their flying, in a bid to stop chariot flying.

Clearly they forgot that Pegasi can fly naturally and the Pegasi just simply landed elsewhere.

Idiots.

Before going to the music shop though, we stopped by Barnyard Bargains to get the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash a hat and Cape. 

Wonderbolt themed.

The Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash was quite pleased.

Anyway, we were entering the music shop which was already fairly busy with ponies, all of whom immediately looked at us wide eyed. The Great and Powerful Apollo approached the 'Country and Western' section and flicked through the selections.

"Johnny Bits, sounds good," the Great and Powerful Apollo said to himself, "Pegasi In The Sky?"

The Great and Powerful Apollo rolled his eyes, "Stupid pony puns." 

"Hey Apollo."

The Great and Powerful Apollo turned around, "Ah, the Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch."

The Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch laughed, "I'll stick with DJ Pon3."

"The Great and Powerful Apollo insists on then name, as does the Great and Powerful Trixie and the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash."

"AND THE CRAZY AND WILD PINKIE PIE!"

"DAMMIT IT PINKIE! DON'T DO THAT!" the Great and Powerful Apollo voiced forcefully and loudly.

The Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie retreated back into the discount basket, disappearing to only Pinkie-knows-where.

"Where was I?" I asked Vinyl.

"The Great and Powerful Apollo insists."

"Ah yes. The Great and Powerful Apollo insists on the name."

"OK, I guess I can-I mean, the Eletrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch can do that for a while."

"Excellent. Also, the Great and Powerful Apollo enquires as to the progress of conversions."

The Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch grinned, "Right this way."

The Great and Powerful Apollo followed the Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch to the front counter where she took out a box with her magic, filled with vinyl discs.

"Wanna try one?"

Despite what witnesses may state, the Great and Powerful Apollo did NOT squeal like a little filly but instead expressed in a dignified manner his pleasure at such progress and success. 

With ponies watching on, the Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch placed the vinyl disc onto the player and set it to play.

Tommy used to work on the docks





The awesome noise attracted ponies from outside and the music shop was now filled to the brim with ponies all wanting to hear awesome and superior human music. Amongst which, were familiar faces.

"Apollo darling, what are you wearing?"

"The Great and Powerful Apollo is wearing a hat and cape."

"Excuse me?"

"The Great and Powerful Apollo is wearing a hat and cape," the Great and Powerful Apollo repeated, "Does the Classy and Polite Rarity approve?"

"Classy and Polite..." the Classy and Polite Rarity began, before giggling, "Oh my, the Classy and Polite Rarity does indeed approve. Though, if the Great and Powerful Apollo had asked, the Classy and Polite Rarity would have made him some."

"It was a spontaneous decision. Is the Gentle and Kind Fluttershy here?"

"She is. We were going to her cottage for tea after our spa trip."

"What about the Blunt and Stubborn Applejack?"

"Blunt and Stubborn?" the Classy and Polite Rarity asked with a hint of disapproval.

"Two words which accurately describe her."

"......the Classy and Polite Rarity cannot dispute that."

"Dispute what?"

"Ah," the Classy and Polite Rarity said, "the Blunt and Stubborn Applejack."

"Blunt and Stubborn what now? Are you all mocking me?"

"No," the Great and Powerful Apollo replied, "We were using two words which accurately describe you as a prefix to your name. The Classy and Polite Rarity will tell you, as will the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash and the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie."

"What about Fluttershy and Twilight? Do they have these names too?"

"The Gentle and Kind Fluttershy is unaware, but the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle knows."

"Annoying and Overrated?" the Classy and Polite Rarity repeated, "Didn't we discuss this?"

"The Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle is annoying and overrated."

"Come on guys," the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash said, sensing our simmering tempers from a distance, "Let's not get into an argument."

"The Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash is correct," the Great and Powerful Apollo said, "Let's just enjoy some music from my homeland."

"Your homeland?" the Blunt and Stubborn Applejack said, eyeing the the Great and Powerful Apollo suspiciously, "You mean Russia?"

"Different country, but still nearby."

Depending on how you look at a map.

"Let's hear somethin' then."

"Okie dokie."

"Lokie."

The Great and Powerful Apollo got the Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch to play another song, one he hoped the Blunt and Stubborn Applejack would enjoy.

Almost Heaven, West Virginia





"Well," the Great and Powerful Apollo said, "Did the Blunt and Stubborn Applejack like it?"

After several seconds of ponies watching, waiting for an answer, the Blunt and Stubborn Applejack spoke.

"The Blunt and Stubborn Applejack did."

A stomping of hooves filled the room, the ponies clearly liking the answer. However, the Great and Powerful Apollo noticed something missing.Lighting up my horn to amplify my voice, I spoke.

"Attention little ponies, the Great and Powerful Apollo needs to address a very important issue."

Within minutes, the very important issue had been resolved and all ponies were now donned in a hat and cape. And identifying themselves like the Great and Powerful Apollo and the Great and Powerful Trixie. 

"The Soft and Cuddly Muffins demands another song!"

"The Timeless and Mysterious Doctor Hooves seconds this!"

Quickly, another song was chosen. One that the Fiery and Hot Spitfire sings on her day off, though she'd deny it.

Poor old Johnny Ray





"THAT WAS AWESOME!" the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash bellowed, Cloudsdale now aware of her opinion.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"

As was one other pony in particular.

Everyone in the room turned towards the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle.

"Whilst the Great and Powerful Apollo is delighted with your swearing-"

The Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle clapped both hooves over her mouth, only just realising she used very un-pony like language. While the natives were aghast, the Great and Powerful Apollo found it side-achingly hilarious.

"He does not appreciate his homeland's music being interrupted."

"You call that music? And what did I say about talking like that?!"

"Отъебись!"

"STOP SPEAKING THAT LANGUAGE!"

"Hет."

The Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle stomped her hoof down, having yet another temper tantrum.

"Why don't you just enjoy the music?"

"How could anypony enjoy that noise?! I'm trying to work and all I can hear is....whatever you call this!"

"Music?"

"Garggghh! You are impossible!"

"What kind of work?" the Great and Powerful Apollo asked, wanting to avoid an argument.

"The kind that you wouldn't understand."

"Because I'm a stallion?"

"Yes. That and illusion magic is your special talent, not the magic I'm doing."

"Actually aerospace and aeronautical engineering are my special talents, but the Great and Powerful Apollo has dabbled in illusion magic. He had-"

"STOP TALKING LIKE TRIXIE!"

"Does everyone else have to stop too?"

"Huh?"

In all her angst and anger towards me, the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle failed to notice that everyone in the shop was wearing a hat and cape finally landing her eyes on Trixie, who had the biggest shit eating grin the Great and Powerful Apollo had ever seen.

"Ever since you came here, you have been nothing but trouble. I will find out what you and the monster are up to, and I will stop you!"

She disappeared in a flash of light before any of us could react, leaving us to carry on our impromptu party.





In agreement with Vinyl and the local alcohol magician, we moved the party to the local pub. With the help of others, a huge amount of party food had been laid out along ande with no shortage of music to play and booze to drink, we were all in for a swinging star night.

The Great and Powerful Apollo did invite the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle but had the library door slammed in his face and a bleeding nose because if it.

Bitch.

Anyway, the Great and Powerful Apollo had booze to drink and food to eat.

We also enforced a dress code for the party. Everyone who attended had to wear a hat and cape.

And give themselves a 'Trixie' name and speak in the third person.

We didn't have to turn anyone away.

"LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" yelled the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie, joining forces with the Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch.

The Electrifying and Mesmerising Vinyl Scratch put a disc into her machine and the music started playing. 

Heeeeeeeeey, hey baby,
ooh, aah.
I wanna know, if you'll be my girl.

Not too bad a song for a music night.





*MIDNIGHT*

Not a sound from the pavement. But inside the music was booming and the party was in full swing. Drinks were flowing, food was being devoured, ponies were dancing and singing. The Great and Powerful Apollo was actually enjoying himself and drinking the place dry of whiskey.

The fuzzy locals were still bewildered as to how the Great and Powerful Apollo could consume so much alcohol and still stand and talk coherently.

Being half-Russian helps.

Though being partially alcoholic doesn't help.

"Еще один виски, пожалуйста!" (Yeshche odin viski, pozhaluysta)

"Coming right up, Apollo!" the Great and Wonderful Bar Keeper replied.

"Русский язык смешной," the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie said, slightly drunkenly. (Russkiy yazyk smeshnoy)

The Great and Powerful Apollo does not recall teaching the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie Russian.

"Russian is not a funny language," the Great and Powerful Apollo said slightly miffed with a scowl, "Русский язык красивый." (Russkiy yazyk krasivyy)

"Точно-точно!," the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash added.

"Since when could you all speak any degree of Russian?"

"Since you talk to yourself while working."

"I do not."

"You do. You should really tone down the language too."

"Отъебись!"

"Какой грязный рот. Им им ты целуешь Трикси?" (Kakoy gryaznyy rot. Im im ty tseluyesh' Triksi?)

The Staggered and Bewildered Apollo stared at the Crazy and Wild Pinkie Pie, "How did you-"

"Because I'm Pinkie Pie!"

Before the Great and Powerful Apollo could respond, he felt something on his cheek.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie brings you your drink," she said, giving me a kiss.

"Thank you."

"And a large bag of Pork Scratchings."

"Спасибо."

"Пожалуйста."

Trixie sat herself down next to me, leaning into me slightly. Not that I mind.

"Oh Apollo darling?"

I turned to see the fashion drama queen approach, "Yes? The Classy and Polite Rarity?"

"If you stop by my boutique tomorrow I can give you your suit."

"Suit?"

"That Trixie commissioned."

I looked to Trixie.

"We are attending a garden party, we have to look the part."

"Fine. I suppose it's better than....well, I'll stop by tomorrow. Probably after lunch."

"Splendid. Though do clean yourself first unless you wish to have another lavender bubble bath."

I didn't need to look as to which other pony was laughing.

Stupid Rainbow.

*KNOCK**KNOCK**KNOCK*

"It seems Captain Stick Up His Arse is here."

"OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY!"

I stood up and went over to the door and opened it, "The door was unlocked you brain dead eejit."

"SILENCE! STAND ASIDE IMMEDIATELY!"

"Fuck off."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said fuck off. No laws are being broken, so trot along and go back to brown nosing Celestia's plot."





The Great and Powerful Apollo would press charges but he knows he'd be wasting his time. Even though there were over fifty witnesses who saw him punch me.

After assaulting me the Arsey and Butt Hurt Shining Armour grabbed the not-drunk-despite-what-CaptainButtHurt-says Great and Powerful Apollo, and carried him through the air with his girly magic.

"You are under arrest!" he yelled, locking hoofcuffs on me.

"What the fuck for this time? Banging your sister?"

"WHAT?!" he seethed.

"Didn't actually happen, I didn't bang her."

"You better make certain you never do!" getting close my face.

"I won't. I'm not desperate."

The next thing the Great and Powerful Apollo knew was being sprawled across the ground.

"Don't ever talk about my sister in such a manner!" he seethed.

He picked me up in his magic again, this time taking me over to a chariot used by Solar Guards whilst my nose bled for the third time tonight. The second time was when the Cool and Awesome Rainbow Dash accidentally punched me in the face when pulling off a flight stunt.

Whilst indoors.

Silly mare.

Anyway, back to the chariot, attached to its underside was a cage.

No prizes for guessing who would be occupying it.

I was quickly thrown inside and the door locked.

Captain Smug Twat smirked like the moron he is, "This time, you're going to the dungeons beneath Canterlot Castle. And if I have any say about it, you'll never be let out."





*MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE PUB*

"It seems the Annoying and Overrated Twilight Sparkle has gone tittle tattling to her egotistical fool of a brother," Trixie said, as ponies began filing out of the pub. Their night ruined yet again by the Sparkles.

"I can't argue with you this time, Trixie," Rainbow replied, "You're right. Shining's going to go out of his way to find or create a reason to lock Apollo away."

"Not if Trixie has anything to do with it."

"How can you help?"

"Trixie is the daughter of Daedalus Lulamoon."

"Daedalus Lulamoon?" Rarity repeated, "The Mayor of Vanhoover? Who's an outspoken critic of Princess Celestia?"

"That's him. He won't take too kindly to what is being done to Apollo."

"Surely Princess Celestia would help Apollo?" Rarity asked.

Trixie burst out into laughter, much to the confusion on the others, "Oh that was good."

"Good?"

"You actually think Princess Celestia will help Apollo?"

"Yes. She helped him with his 'situation', did she not?"

"She did."

"Then why-"

"But not how you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Did he tell you he chose to be turned into a pony?"

"He did."

"Did he tell you how?"

"He said he asked to be, so as to avoid...incidents, like when he first appeared."

"Did he mention the part where he was changed against his will? And only agreed to pretend he asked for it to avoid having his and yours memories wiped of the incident altogether?"

"What?"

A long silence followed as the group waited for Trixie to answer. What she said though, was not what they were expecting.










"Did you also know that he isn't the first human to appear in Equestria?"
> Chapter - 16 - Oh Manehatten
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After arriving in Canterlot still in the dead of night I was immediately brought to Celestia in her private quarters, the bitch masking her emotions well. Shining was his bell-end self throughout, persistently remarking about how I would now be getting what I deserved. After he left, Celestia approached.

"My little pony-"

"Stop fucking calling me that!"

Celestia scowled, "That is what you are."

"No thanks to you."

"I did what was necessary to protect my subjects."

"How does turning me into a midget horse accomplish that?"

"We are ponies," Celestia scolded.

"Yeah, midget horses."

"Why are you being like this, Apollo?" she asked sadly

"Maybe because a certain bitch turned me into a midget horse then blackmailed me afterwards to keep quiet about it?"

"I...regret what happened, but-"

"You regret you fucked up and I realised what you were doing!"

Celestia had no response.

"Still haven't found out who interrupted your spell?"

Celestia looked down to the floor and scuffed the ground with her hoof.

"...no."

"Pity. Well, whoever it was, I owe them. Big time. If it weren't for them, I'd have been turned into a sissy mare with no memory of my past life. So try to get your midget horse brain to try to understand why I don't like you. Or your sycophant little pet."

Celestia sneered fiercely and glared murderous daggers at me, "DO NOT SPEAK OF TWILIGHT IN SUCH A MANNER!"

"But it's true. Anything she does is to only please you. Fuck anything or anyone else."

"Watch your tongue, Vladimir."

"Or what? What more could you possibly do to me?"

"Imprison you. Petrify you...kill you."

"You wouldn't do any of those things. You want to see me suffer. Why else would you have forced me to go to that idiotic back-water cesspit town."

"How dare-"

"And I bet you had something to do with Twilight and her stupid brother being let off the hook. It must be great having a dad who's best buddies with a judge."

Celestia blinked, genuinely surprised, her anger evaporated in a puff of smoke.

"What?" I asked, "Did you really think I wouldn't find out about Night Light being an old school friend of Judge Dundas?"

"I planned to tell you."

"Sure you did. Now if there's nothing else, I'm leaving."

I turned my back and made my way to the door.

"I didn't give you permission to leave!"

"I don't need your fucking permission!" I replied, opening the door only to come face to face with the pink She-Demon.

"For fuck's sake. Not you."

Cadence rolled her eyes, "Hello to you as well, Apollo."

Prissy in Pink walked past me towards Celestia, "Are you OK, Auntie? I heard you yelling."

"I am fine, thank you. Apollo and I were just having a...discussion."

"You just can't stop lying, can you?" I said, looking at her in disgust, "Typical fucking politician."

I left without another word, making my way to the castle entrance, only to be confronted by my creepy stalker Captain Equestria.

"Halt, criminal scum!"

I turned around to face him.

"What?"

"What are you doing roaming free? You should be in chains in the castle dungeons!"

"I checked out early. I didn't like the decor. Can I get a refund?"

He growled at me and brought out some shackles.

"What is it with you putting me in hoofcuffs? At least take me out on a date before you start with the kinky shit."

"SILENCE! You are under arrest!"

"What the fuck for this time?"

"Obstruction of justice!"

"Then in that case you should arrest your dad."

Shining dropped the shackles and looked at me in surprise, "What?"

"Your dad wrote to Judge Dundas, an old friend of his from law school, and had him drop the charges against you and Twilight for what you did to me. Where's my justice?"

"I am a member of the nobility. We are entitled to-"

He didn't get the chance to finish his entitled monologue bullshit before I swung a hoof at him and he fell to the marble floor with a dull thud.

Captain Equestria was out cold.

Oh well. He had it coming.

I locked his forelegs together with the shackles, put the horn inhibitor on his horn and left the castle quickly, eager to not be caught red handed and headed for the train station, making my way there in a matter of minutes. Checking the times I'd have to wait around thirty minutes for the first train to Ponyville. As I was brought to Canterlot against my will, I didn't have my bit bag. I spoke to the station master who agreed to sell me a ticket so long as I paid the fare within seven days after.

I'd be paying even more once Celestia found out I smacked Shining Arsehole.

Oh well.

Some things are worth it.





Some time later I finally made it back to my warehouse/home with no further sign of the Almighty Sun Bitch and despite being awake for most of the night I didn't feel tired so set about working on my engine. The sooner I could prove Sparkles wrong, the better. I wasn't back long before I was interrupted. Not that I minded in this instance.

"Hey Apollo."

"Hey Trixie."

"Trixie thought you were in Canterlot Castle Dungeons?"

"Not exactly. But I was taken to see Celestia."

"Oh? What happened."

"I called her out on her bullshit and walked out."

"OK."

"And then I knocked out Captain Equestria."

"Trixie is most amused. It's about time that pompous fool was put in his place," she added, coming up and nuzzling me, "Are you ready for today's day out?"

"Day out?"

"We were going to go to Manehatten yesterday, but Trixie had to be elsewhere."

"Fine. Wanna head out now? We can get the next train if we hurry. This can wait another day."





*MEANWHILE*

Back at Canterlot Castle, a now conscious Shining Armour was having his cheek massaged by Cadence while Celestia watched on.

"Apollo will pay for what he has done!" he stated firmly, scowling the entire time, "How dare he strike me! A noble! I will have an arrest warrant put out immediately!"

"Don't bother, Shining," Cadence replied, "You'll only make him angrier."

"I don't care. He broke the law and he must pay for it."

"You broke the law too, but your dad's friends got you off the hook."

"We're nobles. We're entitled to-"

"Entitled to what?" Cadence snapped, "Entitled to treat commoners like crap because of the family you were born into?"

"Yes. Commoners are there to serve nobles and do as they are told!"

"You know what?" Cadence snapped again, "Until you change your snobbish attitude you can forget about spending any time with me."

Cadence got up and quickly began to leave the room.

"Cadence!" Celestia called, "Please don't do this."

"I must, Auntie. Now, I'm going to find Apollo and try to smooth things out with him."

Cadence opened the door, but before leaving turned back to Shining, "Oh and in case you forgot, I was a commoner once."





Some time later, Trixie and I finally arrived in Manehatten after travelling first class at Trixie's insistence. No sooner had we arrived had she immediately dragged me over to the richer part of town, most notably where many of the more expensive jewellery stores were located.

I couldn't help but feel as though my wallet was going to take a curb stomp beating.

"Oooh, Apollo!" Trixie called excitedly, "Have you seen this?!"

I dawdled over to where she was standing and sure enough she had laid her eyes upon a large golden tiara with stars across the headpiece, the stars themselves encrusted with diamonds, with a much larger one at the centre, placed higher above. Similar to Twilight's element tiara. Only better.

I looked at the price.

I wished I hadn't.

"Wouldn't Trixie look great and powerful wearing that?"

"Y-yeah," I mumbled, still reeling from the shock of seeing the price, "You'd look great."

"And Powerful."

I stared at it for a bit longer, only to see several seconds later Trixie through the window, pointing at it.

Fuck me, she isn't...

The sales assistant walked over and took the tiara and showed it to Trixie who only seemed to light up even more seeing it up close. She was giddily trotting up and down on the spot as the sales assistant placed it on her head, beaming with excitement the entire time.

As soon as she saw herself in a mirror, she threw a bit bag at the sales pony.

She is.

Deciding I had better go inside and calm her down, or more accurately preventing her from spending bits she didn't have, I made my way inside.

Something I also regret doing.

"Do you like it Apollo?" Trixie asked, holding a crown in front of me, "His and hers!"

Fuck...

I looked at the diamond encrusted crown with a small amount of disdain.

At least it's not a tiara.

"For the garden party?" I asked.

"Of course. Trixie will not have any stallion accompanying her to a garden party look like they have just been dragged through a hedge backwards."

"Why can't I just go in my boiler suit?"

Trixie turned to face me, with what I can only describe that look your mother gives you when you know you've said something you shouldn't have.

"I'll wear a suit!" I quickly rectified, "And the crown."

"Apollo better. Or Trixie will be most unhappy."





After that we decided to head off on our selves for a bit. Trixie went looking for new props for her shows whilst I decided to look for supplies and materials for my own projects. Soon enough, I found a supermarket that sold said supplies as well as food. Making my way in, taking a moment to bask in the delight of the cool air blown from the ACU, I grabbed a trolley and ventured further inside, making my way first to the tools section; all the while my music playing on my iPhone. Said phone being hidden from view.

Despite being a supermarket, there was a fairly good selection of supplies of nails, screws, and whatnot. Filling my trolley with supplies I needed and didn't need, yet, I then decided to head over to the bakery section for something to eat and something for Trixie.

A word of advice.

Don't piss off Trixie.

Anyway, after grabbing a few iced buns and cheese twists, I faintly heard a sound I could only describe as a shrieking banshee.

"EXCUSE ME!"

I turned around and came face to face with a wild Karen.

They even exist in (unicorn) pony form. And like their human counterparts, this Karen began shouting her large mouth off before I could even speak. I removed the ear phones so I could hear what Karen was saying.

"I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION FOR THE LAST TWENTY MINUTES!"

"What?"

"DON'T 'WHAT' ME! YOU ARE AN EMPLOYEE AND I DEMAND YOUR SERVITUDE!"

I then said those most famous words.

"I don't work here lady."

"Yes you do work here!"

"No I don't."

I went back to my business, turning away from here, only to feel myself being yanked back towards her. 

"Don't lie to me, Servant! Go and get me the gluten free, 100% organic soya milk immediately!"

"Get it yourself you lazy bitch."

"EXCUSE ME!"

"I. Do. Not. Work. Here."

"Yes you do. I saw you help that filthy mud pony with that disgusting mass produced filth!"

"First off, curb the racism or I'll fucking put you down. Secondly, that 'disgusting mass produced filth' is made the same way you make cookies at home, just on a larger scale, hence 'mass produced', thirdly, you followed me around for twenty minutes and in the process walked passed the milk, and lastly, I! DO! NOT! WORK! HERE!" I bellowed getting in here face.

However, this is a Karen I was dealing with.

"I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!"

My urge to kill was rising greatly. 

Fortunately for Karen, her illogical rantings had caught the attention of other store colleagues. One of which was running up the aisle. 

It's important to note, I think, that employees here all wear green shirts with their name on them.

You'd have to be a Karen to not tell the difference between who's an employee and who isn't.

"What's going on here?" the employee asked.

"Are you the manager?" Karen asked.

"No. I'm-"

"I DEMAND that you fire your employee immediately!"

"But I'm not-"

"He's been rude to me. Swore at me. Assaulted me. Refused my reasonable request. And he's listening to music while on the job!"

"Ma'am," the employee said, finally getting a word in, "He doesn't work here."

Karen went from Karen look to Karen Plus look.

"Yes he does! I demand to speak to you manager!"

The employee sighed, "I shall go and get him for you ma'am."

The employee left, leaving me with Karen, Seeing no reason to be near the escaped Sea Life exhibit, I began to leave too.

"Where do you think you're going?! Get back here this instant!"

"Piss off, Karen!"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?!"

What? She's actually called Karen?

I ignored her and continued to walk, only for her to yank me back with her magic, slamming me quite hard on the floor, my bony plot landing directly onto my tail.

"Fuck!"

"HOW DARE YOU SWEAR IN MY PRESENCE!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yelled, standing up and getting into her face again, "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ENTITLED SPAWN OF TARTARUS GOBLIN SNOT!"

"How DARE you!"

The next thing I felt was a hoof hitting me in the face followed by going head first into the baked goodness, knocking the weaved baskets off of the shelves and onto my head, covering my mane and head in cakes and frosting.

"Serves you right, you uneducated shelf stacker!"

Right then, I heard more voices. I looked up and saw the employee from before return along with an Earth pony wearing a suit, minus the trousers.

"What is going on here?"

"Are you the manager?" Karen asked.

"I am."

"I DEMAND that you fire your employee immediately!" Karen shrieked again, getting in the manager's face, "He's been rude to me. Swore at me. Assaulted me. Refused my reasonable request. And he's listening to music while on the job!"

"Ma'am!" the manager snapped, "He is a customer, not an employee."

Karen put on an even more 'Karen' look of superiority and entitlement, "How dare you! I demand to speak to YOUR manager!"

"Ma'am-"

"Don't 'ma'am' me you filthy mud crawler!" she spat, taking the manager back by surprise, "You can't be the manager! No respectful establishment would appoint a mud pony as a manager. I demand to speak to the Unicorn in charge!"

The manager turned to his employee, "Get security, and call the police."

Karen put on a smug look, turning to me, "You will be going to prison for assaulting me."

"I think not," I replied, getting onto my hooves with the manager's assistance,  "Not when there are witnesses-"

"Shut up!" she snapped, "And letting a mud pony touch you? You're a race traitor as well as a layabout and delinquent."

The manager and I shared a look, scarcely able to believe the vile filth coming out of her mouth.

Fortunately, security turned up moments after.

Then Karen did what Karens do.





"YOU'LL REGRET THIS YOU UNEDUCATED MUD CRAWLING TROGLODYTE!" Karen screamed as she was dragged away by in hoofcuffs the police.

"I'M GOING TO REPORT YOU ALL TO CORPORATE AND GET YOU ALL FIRED!"

The manager and I watched as she was taken away, the former waiting until she was gone before turning to me.

"Please accept my most sincere apologies, Mr Apollo."

"You don't need to apologise, you haven't done anything wrong."

"Nonetheless, I apologise and as compensation will gift you a 100 bit gift card."

"Wow. That's great!"

After giving my statement to police I went about completing my shopping, treating myself to some more booze as well, using the gift card I was given. With my two bags of shopping, I left and made my way to meet up with Trixie again.

How exactly do I explain my tardiness?





*MEANWHILE*

I tried to find Apollo earlier, but from what I found out he had already fled. I received a report he was in Manehatten with Trixie and apparently got into an argument against a Unicorn mare in a supermarket, and that Apollo dealt with it in a very Apollo manner.

It can't be easy for him. Knowing what Celestia did to him. And what she initially tried to do.

At least he knows he's not the only former human. Even if he doesn't know who it is.

If only I knew who the other former human was.





*MEANWHILE*

So it seems Celestia has done it again.

As well as find a new pet.

No matter.

It doesn't change my plans. 

Celestia will pay for what she did to me.