"Now, do you remember where Papa Apple was buried?"
Once again, it was time for the first annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival, but this time it was the second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival.
The carrots were grilling, the ponies were arriving and the mustard had been prepped and jarred, straight from the source.
Everything seemed to be going good, but then the awful thing happened.
“Apple Bloom!” Applejack yelled, running into her sister’s room. “It’s an emergency!”
“Wot in tarnation?” Apple Bloom responded, waking up from her nap. “What’s up, big sis?”
“It’s the second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival and we ain’t got no ketchup this time ‘round!” Applejack’s chest was heaving. “Consarnit, it was your job to get the ketchup, and you done forgot.”
Apple Bloom rubbed her chin for a moment before her face drooped into a frown. “Ah, I’m sorry, AJ. I got so busy crusadin’ and whatnot with the gals this past week, I plum forgot to get the ketchup.”
Applejack’s head fell. “It’s alright, I ‘spose. But I just wanted the second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival to be even better than the first annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival. You know?”
“Well,” Apple Bloom cut in, “maybe we still got time! I could run to the store real quick like and get some.”
“It’s no use! Ponies from all over are already arriving and we ain’t got no ketchup. Unless…”
“Wot in deforestation are you thinkin’ about, Applejack?”
“Apple Bloom, I’ve got me an idea.” Applejack grabbed her sister by the hoof and led her out of the room “Follow me out back to the farm. There’s still a way we can get some ketchup and save the second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival!”
“Uh… okay?” Apple Bloom shrugged. The groggy foal was still unsure exactly what her sister was even talking about. She was pretty sure that their kitchen had been stocked full of ketchup yesterday. “But what happened to all the ketchup that was in our fridge yesterday?”
“Well,” Applejack grabbed her sister by the hoof and led her out of her room, “Pinkie Pie came by last night to borrow some for some project she’s got goin’ on. One thing led to another and she ended up eating all thirty-seven bottles.”
Apple Bloom’s jaw dropped as they reached the bottom of the stairs. “Wot in castration?”
“That’s exactly what I said,” Applejack laughed as the pair reached the outside world. They still had a couple of hours until the second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival was set to begin, and there we no time to lose. “Now, do you remember where Papa Apple was buried?”
“Uh… why…?” Apple Bloom asked, unsure of her sister’s motives. She still hadn’t fully recovered from seeing her and Big Mac engage in what Big Mac had called ‘Incestuous Seminal Bum Pump’.
“Because it’s important. If we don’t find Papa Apple’s grave, then we’ll never be able to get the ketchup we need. Our father is the key, Apple Bloom.”
Apple Bloom sighed. “Fine. His grave is over by the windmill,” she pointed in the general direction.
It hadn’t taken long to find their father’s grave, but Applejack was far from done. With Apple Bloom watching, the eldest Apple sister pulled two small spades out from the depths of her anus, ready to do some digging.
“Wot in penetration?”
“You know what we have to do, Apple Bloom,” Applejack grinned, handing her sister a spade as she began to shovel away dirt with her own. “We have to dig up our father.”
“... Why?!”
“Gosh darnit, Apple Bloom. It’s important, so get ‘ta diggin’!”
Apple Bloom grumbled. “I liked it more when we didn’t have to do this stupid Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival…”
It had taken nearly half an hour, but the Apple sisters had finally done it. They had dug up their father’s rotting corpse.
“See the maggots crawling through the eye socket, Apple Bloom?” Applejack asked, pointing them out for her. “That means he’s ripe and ready to be used.”
“... Wot in cremation?”
“What in the heck does cremation got to do with this?” Applejack asked, lifting her father’s body out of the shallow grave it had spent the last ten years in. Before Apple Bloom could say anything further, Applejack was quick to turn their father’s body around. His crusty, bloody, prolapsed anus was teeming with pests ranging from spiders to lowly maggots.
“Oh my gosh, Applejack. What in the heck is wrong with you?”
“Nothing!” Applejack smiled, quickly shoving her hoof into her deceased father’s anus. The prolapsed section jiggled around under her hoof as she did so, bits of years old blood and pus flying around. “Well what do ya know, the inside is still a little wet. Perfect! The second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival may be a success after all!”
Apple Bloom simply stared. “... Wot in decapitation?”
“Why… that’s perfect!” Applejack replied. Without a second thought, and before her sister could intervene, she quickly ripped off her feather’s rotting head. His exposed neck was full of dried up cum and feces, likely a result of the fun he would often have on nights out with his friends back in the day. “Now, Apple Bloom, you use your hoof to get out some of the good bits from his throat.”
“... Wot in anal asphyxiation?”
“Great idea! While you dig out his neck, I’ll shove my head into his anus and lick around it a little bit to see how it tastes.”
The youngest Apple sibling watched as her sister shoved her tongue right into her father’s asscrack with nary a fear. Applejack couldn’t believe how good it tasted! The ten year old shit, mixed with cum, dried up blood, and the many spiders and maggots infesting it gave it a taste much like that of red wine. To get a real taste, though, she would have to go to the extremes. And so, she bit down hard on the prolapsed section of his anus, and slowly suckled it into her waiting mouth like a long strand of spaghetti. The taste was amazing, and now Applejack had her way to make ketchup.
With a faint pop, Applejack smacked her lips together. “Mmm… Delicious! In just about an hour or so, my stomach acids will have dissolved it enough that I can safely puke it out. Our new ketchup for the second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival is going to be fantastic! Remember your job, Apple Bloom, you’ve got ‘ta do the same with his throat!”
“... Wot in lymphatic inflammation?”
“Order up!” Big Mac yelled out as the most recent guest to the second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival walked away with their carrot dog.
Applejack stood at the end of the line of ponies, dishing out the ketchup to all who wished to have it.
“Here ya are, ma’am,” Applejack said, shoving her hoof to the back of her throat and puking up the desired condiment. “Enjoy!”
Photo Finish smiled happily at her carrot dog and walked away to her seat.
“Alright, everypony,” Big Mac said, looking around at his family. “I’d say this second annual Apple Family Bar and Grill Festival was a success. Now, Granny Smith?”
“Yes, Big Mac?” the elderly mare responded.
“Next year, it’ll be your job to get the mayonnaise, okay? Don’t forget now, ya hear?”
Granny Smith simply nodded and went back to serving ponies. However, the youngest member of the Apple Family had something to say.
“Wot in trilogy anticipation?”