My Own Brand Of Normal
I am in a mostly good place today. The forest is tended by cattorwallens. I've tried to describe them, even drawn pictures for the nice ones who help me, but they never understand. Daddy always does. Daddy knows so much, but what he knows most is how little he knows.
But today is not about Daddy.
The nice ones let me know that the flippy girl is coming today. They think I need to prepare myself for her. And if it were a bad day, I might. But it is a good day, and I do not. The flippy girl is nice... maybe a little energetic, but nice. She cares but it is not like... the care of the others. She cares about me today, not me tomorrow or yesterday or neverwhen.
Then again she's very young. Maybe she doesn't know how to care about all that.
I smile when she comes in, nodding as the cattorwallens slither aside for her. She sits down beside me, pulling off song headband and putting it around her neck. It is very nice of her to do that--I know how much she likes to hear her songs, and to put them aside for me is a wonderful gesture. She gives me a big and eager grin.
"So the nurses say you're doing well this week, couz! Anything new you want to tell me?"
I giggle. "Oh, I explored the depths of Ra'vallan on saturday! It was very hot."
"Really? Did you find anything interesting?"
I shrug. "I did, but then the nice ones found me, and they... you know how they are about me keeping artifacts."
"Oh, I know, I know." The flippy girl rolls her eyes. "Tell you what, though, I'll talk to them and see if I can get the local museum to catalog it, in your name."
"That would be very nice! Thank you!"
"Not a problem, couz."
I nod. She has so few problems. Or rather, so few stresses--she deals with her problems so easily. The benefit of youth, I suppose. "Is anything new happening at the school?"
She flushes, chuckling awkwardly. "Well, you see, I may have melted down the science wing on accident..."
And as I listen to her story, the cattorwallens continue their weaving of branches. And today is a very good day.
Today is strange. A firegirl came and told me magic was real. Of course it is real, I knew it all along. What is strange is that the firegirl told all the nice ones as well. They've been busy assuring everyone in their care that the firegirl is part of their world, not just a guest in their own fragment of reality.
Some of them have looked at me strangely. I am not sure why--my fingers end in curved nails, now, but I have seen those on many others. Do I have a bead on my forehead, like some of them? But then, if that is their normal, how am I strange?
One of the nice ones comes into my room again, startling the bleyforlichs into flight. "Your daughter called, she... she wants to visit you to make sure you're alright."
"Oh! That will be nice." I smile, trying to ignore the bleyforlich that settles on his head and wraps its tail around his neck. "Do you want to wash your hair before she comes?"
He blinks. "Um... what?"
"I know it is rude of me, but you have a little something... right there." I gesture vaguely.
He sighs and nods, walking out with the bleyforlich still writhing atop his skull.
A few minutes later, and the door opens again. In steps my little song... well, not so little any more. A faint scent is on her... something I do not know, yet so familiar...
She sits down, smoothing out the rest of her wrinkles, and turns to me--and freezes.
I smile at her gently. "What is it, my song?"
"Your... your eyes..."
My eyes? I suppose I will have to seek a mirror. "They are not disquieting, I hope?"
"Oh! Oh, no, not at all, I just... I wasn't expecting that." She rubs the back of her neck, awkwardly fingering the feathers that have grown there--and that is something I have seen on none of the kind ones. "I guess... I guess this magic thing is kind of big, isn't it?"
She is nervous, I can tell. I reach out, clasp her hand. "Big though it may be, it is what now is. And it is not as though you are alone, is it?" I add, giving her a sly grin.
"No, you're right. I have... I have auntie Celestia and Luna and--"
"And this other one, you are singing with?" I chuckle at her shocked look. "I do know of pleasure, my little song. And you aren't really that good at hiding it. Perhaps you will have a song soon as well?"
She blushes, glancing away. "We're looking to get... married first."
"Mmm, then it should be soon. Otherwise it might be... awkward." I look her over. "Then again, you are svelte, perhaps you could hide it."
My little song blinks at me. "What are you...? I'm not pregnant."
Oh. Oh, she doesn't know. Then again, she cannot see the bleyforlich hungrily eyeing her belly. I pat her shoulder gently, swiping the creature away. "Nevertheless, if you are already singing, you should proclaim it to the world fast. When can I meet him?"
"I--well, he's very busy, and it turns out his sister is working with Sunset Shimmer--"
"Not busy enough to stop you from singing," I chirp brightly. And my little song grows pinker then I have seen her for a while. I have to giggle--perhaps it is wrong of me to tease her so, but she is so precious, my little song, and it is so rare that I see her these days.
The flippy girl has returned, but she is not so flippy today. She did not even bring her song headband. The florgambins are moving away from her warily, her distress radiating even as she puts on a smiling mask and sits next to me. "Hey couz. How are things with you?"
I sit up, the number of florgambins on my chest scuttling to the corners of the room. "They are... fair. You seem to be... distressed."
"What? Nah, nah. I'm cool, I'm totally cool, everything is cool, you know?" She waves it off with a chuckle. "Just some school nonsense, it'll be cool, it's all..."
I suppose I could have been distressed at the way my eyes changed. No longer rings of color around a pool of black, they now seem like two swirling pools of solid heliotrope. Nobody else I have seen has this mutation. Perhaps in another part of the world...
They are useful in some ways, though. My simple, smiling stare has become a way to demand truth. The flippy girl lasts longer then the nice ones--she probably realizes what I am doing, and that I am doing it deliberately--but she does sit back in her chair with a groan.
"I don't... it's auntie Abby." She rubs her forehead. "I know I shouldn't talk about her here, what with..."
She trails off, glancing at me. My smile, admittedly, is strained. "I think I should know. I promise I will not be upset."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, couz."
"I will not be upset with you," I clarify.
She chuckles wryly. "It's this whole thing with Sunset Shimmer. She's technically a student in our rival school, but she's also become... you know, the godhorse. And auntie Abby--"
"She feels a need to prove herself, even against this."
"Herself and the school. Things are tense at Crystal Prep. Seriously tense."
I nod, and sigh. "I remember when she was softer. Before I ended up here..."
The flippy girl looks up and grabs my hand. "Screwball, this isn't your fault. This is on her."
"I know that. But that doesn't mean I don't worry over her." I sigh. "She is my mother, after all."
Lemon sighed. "Yeah. I know how that is..."
Something is definitely off today. For one, my mother is coming to visit.
Not that she doesn't regularly, but that's the thing. Once every two months, a visit. An exact pattern, with an exact face, a clipped, cautious form of caring. Searching for something, but not expecting to find it. She held herself to high standards, and she thought to hold me as well, until I ended up under the nice one's care. And now...
But this visit is different. She is different. It's more then the crystalline glitter to her skin and hair--she doesn't move with the confidence she should. She doesn't own the area. She is...
...she is nervous.
I have never seen mother nervous. Unnerved, yes, Daddy would pull some interesting stunts, but...
Her self-doubt pulsates through her form, even as she sits down in practiced, casual control. The crickaborgs that have been perching on my bed turn to her in interest, kreening among themselves.
"Ianthe... or, ah, do you prefer Screwball?"
I have never heard mother hesitate. And after I ended up here, she never used my light-name.
"What's wrong, mother?"
"It's... nothing you need to concern yourself with--"
I turn on my bed, using it as a seat. The crickaborgs screech in shock, but I ignore them. "Your worry is too great for me not to see it. And what I see makes how I act. You know this. That's why I'm here."
She flinches. "I.... It really is nothing for you to worry about."
"That's not the point!" I shriek. "It doesn't matter what you say--I will worry, whether you want me to or not! Because, even if I am not what you expected, even if I'm not what you wanted--"
Her eyes shoot up. "What? What makes you think I don't want you?"
I breathe, slowly. "...Not this me. You want the me that could be before this. The one who did not get lost seeing that which you can't."
"Ianthe--Screwball, I--"
"Or maybe your wants have changed and you're willing to take this me, but in this now, could you even?" I shook my head. "It's not the point. The point is, I will worry. Even if you don't want it. So... can you tell me what is wrong?"
Mother is silent. She looks down at her own hands.
"...Do you think," she says slowly, "that if I asked to be committed... I would end up near you?"
That... that is strange. "You... you think that which everyone sees... you are seeing differently."
"I think I might not be suitable for the world outside anymore."
That is.... that is not... that is...
The crickaborgs are crowing in triumph. The crickaborgs will feed. I see them unsheathing their scythes.
"SHUT UP!"
Mother looks up, startled. A nice one opens the door--no, not a nice one, a grabber. He looks to my mother.
Things are moving fast. Too fast. The crickaborgs are swarming.
The grabber reaches for mother.
I stand. "No, she isn't--no, I have to speak. She stays. Let her stay, please, I have to, we have to talk."
The grabber pauses. Mother looks at me, startled.
"...I... if you don't want to tell me," I manage. "If you want to keep your worries away from me, I... I can see it. But, you... Even after all this, I still see you as the one who can weather, and heal. You... I don't think you need this place. Not if you think you do. Whatever happened, you still see it. You... please. I don't..."
I swallow. "I don't want the crickaborgs to come for you too."
And for once, mother is not confused. She is simply... stunned.
I sag onto the bed. "This... isn't because of you. Or maybe it is, but it isn't something I blame you for, it isn't something I want you guilty over. I just... this is a bad day for me. I'm sorry. Please... when you come next, don't do it as a resident."
The grabber watches me collapse. He puts a hand on mother's shoulder. "Time to go, I think."
She nods. "I'll... be back for my regular visit." She stands, and turns to go.
A crickaborg tries to grab her, but pulls its tentacle back when it blackens and hisses in rage.
I allow myself a small smile.
"...and that's... basically what happened." The flippy girl sighs. "We're still looking for Indigo. Or, well, Sunset is. I've got no idea what the heck she did."
I lean into my bed. "No wonder mother was so shaken..." To have fallen to such depths of obsession, to have nearly caused such destruction... "She will not be taking the school forward?"
"No. She's still principal, but only till the end of the year. Mostly paperwork signing." She throws up her hands. "I tried to warn her. I tried to warn everyone. I tried to prevent this..."
Skripinargas chlimple at her feet. I take a breath. "We can't... always succeed. Not even at our best. And... she is sorry. You and I know that."
"Doesn't mean it didn't happen."
"No. It happened. Still... what happens now?"
The flippy girl shakes her head with a small smile. "There's the question, isn't it? What happens now. I mean I guess... we try to keep on keeping on. Or... whatever." She looks up at me. "How do I react, though? I'm helping everyone I can, and that... that does mean her, but... Screwball, I'm just one kid."
"One incredibly intelligent and accepting kid."
"Well, yeah, obviously."
I shrug. "There are many ways I could answer that, but it shouldn't be me who answers. You must decide on your own what path to take. Help mother heal, or focus on your friends... or perhaps take the time to become that rock star you've always wanted to be."
She snorts. "Wouldn't work right now, would it?"
"Mmm." I incline my head. "Even if a dream cannot be had now, it can lead in the moment."
"How would me wanting to sing be any help?"
"It's not wanting to sing. It's wanting to be an icon. A vision of what those around you could aspire to." I stroke the head of a skripinaga as it nuzzles into my side. "How can you make that happen now?"
The flippy girl is silent for a moment.
Then she nods. "You know, when you're right... you're right. Thanks couz, I think I know what to do now."
I smile as she stands and walks out the door. She'll be back, of course; she always comes back. But for the moment, I think, we do not need each other.
Daddy's coming! Daddy's coming here! Daddy's coming to see me!
The plorfargs chirrup in glee, arranging all the stone slabs that have appeared in my room and painting them lurid yellows and violets. Somehow it lightens up the room--I can never explain how in my drawings, but it does. I've gotten out of my bed to help them--I don't like it anyway, I stay in there to keep the nice ones calm. One looks in and blinks--I give him a happy wave, and he awkwardly waves back, before going on his rounds.
Daddy comes whenever he can, whenever the world no longer has a vicegrip on his mind. I remember all the thinks he has done, all the thoughts he has made exist, staying up late to read and write of reality. Daddy is very smart, and the smartest thing he does is know what he doesn't know.
Something about him makes the nice ones nervous. Maybe it's because they must know what they know.
I have just finished arranging the flowers properly--they never put the petals in the water for some reason--when I hear that most glorious voice. "Well well well! Is my little sketch scribbling on her own?"
I spin around with a grin wider then any I have had this week, lunging for the gray man in brown and wrapping my arms tightly around his chest. "DADDY!" The plorfargs are practically screeching in excitement as I look up. "It's so good to see you!"
"It's good to see you too, Screwball." He ruffles my beanie with a wide smile. "Sorry I haven't been by recently--you got Sunset Shimmer's message about magic, didn't you?"
"Yepper lepers!" I lean back, my smirk mischievous. "You're trying to turn magic into science, aren't you?"
"Well, I'm not the only one, but I did luck into a pretty high position." He glances around, beckoning with a finger.
I break my hug, cupping a hand around my ear.
"I got a unique aspect," he whispers gleefully. "I'm Sunset's counterbalance."
My eyes go wide. "No."
"Yes!"
"Oh wow. Daddy that's..."
He has so much he can do now.
He has so much that he must do now.
He... is looking at me, smiling, almost gently.
"You're worried that I won't be coming around anymore."
I sag. "Maybe a little. So much is changing so fast. Not that I can't handle it, it's just--"
"Oh, my little etch-a-sketch." Daddy leans down, hugging me. "I'm sorry that I haven't been around so often. I don't mean to get caught up in all of this... I just do."
"I know. I miss you sometimes, though."
"And I miss you too. I wish I could just take you out of here." He chuckles, no amusement in his tone. "Well, legally anyway."
I consider the plorfarg resting in the doorway.
"If I left... I would have to see like others to leave. And..." I sigh. "Even if I did, I've been seeing my way for so long--"
"I know. This really is best for you, isn't it..." He clears his throat. "But we can have a little picnic right here, anyway. That sounds fun, doesn't it?"
I smile up at him. "Yeah, it does. Oh, did you bring the cookie-ham cheese sandwiches?"
"As if I'd ever forget your favorite!"
We settle down to eat and enjoy each other's presence, chattering on about our lives.
And for a moment, I'm home again.
The flippy girl is back. She brought the firegirl with her.
I tilt my head curiously. Today has been... quiet. Ever since the nice ones told me, all my usual friends have skittered into crevices and shadows. Even they realize the seriousness of the firegirl.
She looks pensive. Her outer frame, anyway. It's like a plastic doll, partly cracked open, streams of light pouring from the more within.
"...yeah." She nods. "There's not a doubt."
The flippy girl sighs. "Are you going to have to move her?"
"Not yet."
"I am here," I remind them with a teasing smile.
The firegirl sighs. "Yes, you are. I'm sorry, this is just..." She considers. "You know... how magic has come to this world?"
"You did tell me, yes."
"Right, so, some people have ended up with... special magic. And you're one of them. You..." She shrugs. "You're basically the gateway to the magic of imagination, of possibility."
I consider her words.
"Is that why I see differently?"
"It might be now," she allows. "I don't know about before."
"Hmm. And why are you saying this?"
"Because.... because what you see could become real. Or you could let others make what they see become real."
"I could share my vision with everyone."
She nods.
The flippy girl fidgets.
"...I think that would be bad," I finally muse. "Not everyone is willing to see what I see."
The firegirl sags in relief. "I'm... glad you realize that. If you didn't, I'd have had to..."
She trails off.
I nod in understanding. "This is dangerous. That is why you came."
"Yes."
I look around the room.
"I like it here. The nice ones try to help me, on my good days and bad. My family knows where I am and can come to visit. It's not perfect, but... if it were, it would be boring, wouldn't it?"
She doesn't reply.
"...What do I need to do?" I ask.
"Just... continue being. Watch what is and isn't. And only let them cross when you need to." The firegirl clasps her hands together. "Ianthe Pratibha Stencil Screwball Discord-Cinch, I am trusting you with this. Can you do it for me? Can you promise... to guard the realms unwritten?"
I nod. "I promise."
"Good. That's good. I'll have to check in on you regularly, of course--"
"That's what family does," I point out.
She stares.
"...We are family," I add. "Aren't we?"
The flippy girl coughs. "You're dating Twilight, and Shining's dating her daughter, so... I'd say yes."
After a moment, the firegirl chuckles. "Wow. Didn't expect to be getting an aunt-in-law out of this."
"Call me Aunt Screwy." I smile at her. "I promise, I won't swirl your mind too much."