A tale of someone comfortable with his life becoming somepony not well liked at all.
What happens, happens. I think that is one of the rules of Causality as stated by the late, great Douglas Adams. It is a pretty important rule and I use it to guide me through life, no matter what goes on in it. So, when I was driving to an out of town job and found myself in another world, I did my best to take everything in stride.
I would be the first to say the adjustment is not easy. Especially, when the first thing you do is make yourself a pony distrusted, disliked and defamed by some national heros. Thinking about that, I think I have to invoke another Douglas Adams quote. "Don't Panic."
--
This is the result of me getting bored one day and starting writing. Now that I got a bit of it done, I wouldn't mind honest opinions, and flame away if you feel the need. I have thick skin.
As you might notice, there are a few chapters with a box at the top. These are the ones that my editor and I went through again, and hopefully improved. I'll refrain from changing plot but spelling, grammar and flow are all up for grab. Especially for the early chapters.
//----------------------------- // Story: Off the Beaten Path // Chapter: Crash // Author: PingSquirrel // Editor: Primary Feather //-----------------------------
1.
“I suppose I should start at the beginning of the day. Only seems right to put some context to this whole thing, because it's crazy. Seriously, if I heard this story, I would think the guy telling it is nuts,” I said to the rather stern-looking visage across from me at the table. You know, I would never of thought a pony could look so angry, but that's just another thing on a long list of comfortable illusions that has been shattered with extreme prejudice today. “I mean, not every day someone-”
“Don't you mean, “Somepony”,” he corrected in that gruff voice he had without once losing his glare right at me. Seriously, that frown just doesn't belong on a pony. I just gave a hapless shrug in return. The pony across the interrogation room table was Officer Cuffs, and he looked looked like a stereotypical Irish cop who was three days from retirement and two days from a total mental breakdown. That is, if that cop was a copper-red pegasus that had a very palatable dislike for me. To be fair, that wasn’t helped by my reaction when I first saw him. I mean, there he was, looking every bit the 'bad' cop with a dour and angry face and all I could think was he was adorable. I wanted to hug him. And when he told me to lose the smirk, I lost it alright. I think it took me like fifteen minutes to stop laughing at the pony and even for a while after, I would still break into snickers when he tried the 'bad cop act' again. Just leave it to me to find something that hilarious when I was in so deep.
My initial reactions aside, there was no need to fight over grammar and I conceded the point to him. “Right, whatever. Some'pony',” I corrected with exaggerated clarity in the pronunciation, “It's not everyday somepony comes crashing through the barriers of reality in his truck. Now, this is going to be God's honest truth here on how this all played out. You know, from my end. It's going to sound weird too, so don't interrupt, please.” How odd that I was the one that had to worry about sounding weird to a pony, but I suppose it was his world and I was the visitor. He had the home-field advantage in the whole, “who is crazy” game.
“Is this going to be more of that, “Other world” nonsense that you were babbling about?” he wearily asked. He didn't believe me the first time I told him and I doubt the sixth time was the charm.
“If you want the truth, it's going to have to be.”
He rolled his eyes. “Just... get on with it,” he muttered in exasperated defeat, but I was left with the sense that pause could have been filled with a number of words filled it, and none were too kind in regards to my character. I didn't want to give him a chance to revisit the choicer of the words, so I recounted the day to the officer while he took notes.
+++
There it is. The most accursed sound one can ever hear. With its harsh and grating cry, it will jar anyone into immediate, abrupt action to leave what was likely the most comfortable place they would be all day. The alarm. With all the energy one can have at five o’clock in the morning, I reached out and fumbled blindly around for the phone that was the source of such terrible sound. Sometimes, I wished I used a proper alarm clock simply so I could have a larger target.
The blessed silence filled the room.
For a moment, I considered the virtues of calling in sick, or using that snooze button but my sense of duty wins out in the end. I remind myself that neither were an option today. By that afternoon, I had to be on a rooftop in Rollo, Saskatchewan to help install an industrial sized dehumidifier. And between myself and that rooftop was several hours of driving. Every fiber of my being filed protests when I sat up in the dark. They were noted and summarily dismissed before I stood up in the dark room.
“How does the boss even find these jobs?” I mutter to myself as I groped in the dark for my other sock that went AWOL at some point during the night. “It’s in the middle of nowhere.” It is not that I really minded being sent out of town for a couple weeks. It was that I liked an excuse to gripe and have a pity party every once in a while, and that is always easier when one is required to get up before dawn, drive several hundred kilometers and do a rooftop job that was likely to be a total disaster before the end of it.
At least everything but the one elusive sock was ready. My tools and the material were already on my truck and the load they made was stacked high enough to look the Clampett's did the packing. My personal items like my clothes, a few books for the evenings and a cheap laptop to manage my iPod were in the cab. And now that I found my sock under the dresser, I was ready to go. I turned to leave when I remembered that there was just one more thing I had to do. There was no way I was going to forget it either because it was simply the most important thing I had to do before I hit the road.
“Love ya, dear. See you in a couple weeks.” I give my sleepy dear a kiss on the cheek, and she nearly got a few recognizable syllables out of her mouth without ever really waking up. It would of been nice to talk to her before heading out, but that was what my cellphone was for. I would call her when I got to the hotel that night.
I made a whirlwind tour through the kitchen, where much cereal was consumed. I guess there’s a little irony when I say I eat 'horse-food' for breakfast, but I really do like that whole grain, no sugar or salt stuff. Knowing what I do now about ponies, it's something else that goes on list of things I was wrong about, but I digress. After a quick clean up of the room, I was on the road with thermos full of coffee in my little red Ranger.
It was small enough to get my co-workers making fun of me for driving it, but it was mine, all mine and I loved it. It handled well, didn’t drink up too much gas and the speakers were pretty good. They sounded even better with some good metal music filling the cab and disturbing every bit of wildlife within a couple hundred metres of the highway.
(Yes? Why are you interrupting? What was I? I thought you didn't believe that bit, but I was human for this part. I was 182 centimetres tall with fingers and all that creepy stuff you did not want to hear about. Now, let's get back to the story. Where was I? On the road. Thanks.)
The highway was in good condition with the perfectly clear weather all the way to the horizon and beyond. I was just lost in my music, bobbing my head as I moved further from civilization and deeper into the rural farmlands and fields. If you ever driven in Saskatchewan, you would know why I needed the music for entertainment. The joke was you could fall asleep at the wheel leaving Manitoba and end up in Alberta and still be in your lane. It was a familiar drive for me because I had been to Rollo before several times. Even so, there was still one part of the trip that I loved. I called it the “Twilight Zone Highway” because you would be on it, doing a hundred kilometres per hour and seemingly going nowhere. Sure, you would be passing fences, wheat fields, and telephone posts, but if you looked either way, the road ran to the horizon in both directions. In that leg of the drive, you could lose all perspective on motion. It gave you the sense of being stuck on the highway and not going anywhere, and I could totally see that being an episode of that show.
That was where it happened.
Along that stretch of road where nothing seemed to change, everything did change. I had been out of coffee for a couple hours at that point and not really paying as much attention as I should to the drive. I'm not saying I fell asleep at the wheel, but it would be fair to say I wasn’t exactly alert either. I doubt I’d could have seen it coming though. I just know that one blink, I was looking down a paved highway, and the second blink had me on a rough dirt road. My surroundings, from what I can remember, still looked right although now there were hills and that part of Saskatchewan definitely did not have hills. Nor did it have a forest either. Alright, it wasn’t the same at all and I needed to stop to get my bearings. Maybe I’d made a wrong turn that I didn’t remember or somehow was on the wrong road entirely. Either way, I went to hit the brake when I hit... Something. I never felt anything like it. Imagine running full tilt into a paper banner, but less substantial and much more connected to you. Forget it. It's like tasting “blue”. It’s impossible to explain, but I can say that everything went intimately, incredibly and very wrong at that point. My hands slipped off the wheel with a loud honk of the horn, my feet couldn’t reach the pedals and I was careening through a herd of horses that, looked truly shocked at the truck amongst them. They scattered, some of them moving so fast I swear they flew out of the way instead of jumped. Others just scrambled away in any direction that was away from me.
I hate the sound of hitting something in my truck. It’s happened to me a before and it sounds horrible. It can even compete with your alarm. There’s a harsh crunching noise that sets every nerve you have right on edge, even when you already think you’re at your maximum adrenaline level. I think it was a table or something I hit first. It looked like a table and I remember plates flying past. It was followed by, I don't know. I think it was purple, and a bit smaller. It all happened so quickly and I was too busy trying to get back in control of my truck. “This is the End” by Machine Head was blaring out the speakers at this point. When I consider how I felt at the moment, it really was appropriate because I was sure I was going to die in a horrible crash.
“I never did get to make that phone call,” was all I could think.
It was then that I was able to get my hands through the wheel and crank it right over, and aimed the truck squarely towards a tree. I slid myself down in that seat to stomp the brake and that time I was able to punch that pedal right to the floor, though I couldn't see over the dash anymore. I hoped it would be enough to stop me from destroying myself, and I’d settle for it hurting like nothing I’d ever felt before. Not that I liked pain mind you, but in a high speed highway accident, having everything hurt beat the most likely alternative on every level. I pulled my arms from the wheel, and let momentum take its course.
“Oh, this is going to suck!” Not exactly heroic, but they were accurate last words.
I missed the crash entirely because my eyes were clenched shut and I was screaming something I rather not repeat, but the crash didn’t sound too bad. Only thing I could say for sure was that airbags hurt when they deploy, but I was still mostly intact. I think. To be fair, I was pretty rattled and not up to any deep analysis of my situation. Instead, I sat there, looking into that white cloth that made up the airbag and took a good, long breath. It seemed the biggest crisis had been adverted and now, time to check damage. I lifted my hand and moved it to my recently airbag-tenderized face to check for blood, only to find a solid yellow-orange hoof where a hand should be and a long snout (Muzzle?) where my nose was.
I went right back into my crisis mode. In the face of adversity, it is best to keep it to cold calculations without emotion. Emotions never help me in the face of utter disaster and there is plenty of time to panic after everything is resolved. Right now, the crisis was this hoof I was looking at.
“I had hoped you would of made up a better story than that by now,” Cuffs said after he jotted down his last few notes onto his pad. In the back of my mind, I wondered how legible his writing was, since it seemed he had to do it by mouth. I had seen some unicorns about and they seemed to just float what they needed around, so, why wasn't it one of them doing this interview?
“Cross my heart, hope to die,” I reply with the obligatory hand/hoof motions. That was so weird, because I know I am trying to flex and move fingers but there is nothing there. Well, there is something there, but hooves do not move that ways so it is an impulse that goes nowhere in your head. It is the oddest sensation I can describe, and that is coming from someone that now has a coat on his skin.
He gives me the oddest of looks and then replies, “That's an odd thing to hope for.” It would seem he took it more literally than I would of expected.
“It's just a saying. Do you want me to go on with what happened?”
He just nodded, and off I went again.
================================
A hoof was there right in front of my face. Hard, and inflexible and definitely not the hand I was used to. Up to about one minute ago, I had fingers, and now they were gone. I kinda suspected I might lose a finger or two in my line of work; I work with metal and was a little clumsy, but this was never how I pictured them going. They were gone though, and I needed to cope with that. Later. I still needed information about what just happened. My eyes followed up my arms to see I had a layer of yellow fuzz on me that was about the same colour of a newspaper that was left out in the sun for too long.
“Alright. I can deal with that.”
It might be all the style somewhere to be yellow and have fur, after all. In the immortal advice given by one Douglas Adams, I would not panic. That is unproductive and I suspected the worst would still be coming. And to that end, I started sitting up and looking up to the rear-view mirror, expecting the worst. It was a pleasant surprise that the visage that greeted me in the mirror was not totally unrecognizable. Sure, I apparently was a something resembling a horse now, complete with pointed little ears, a long face, big green eyes and a mane but at least some of the features stayed in place. Chestnut brown hair made up the mane but I felt a little cheated that I still had the odd grey hair in it. Seriously, whatever happened changed my species, left me with my white hairs? That was not fair at all to be left with such a minor detriment in the face of total misfortune. At that point, I needed to just concentrate on breathing deep. The last thing I needed to do was get emotional about this, but that was getting progressively more difficult, with that unfamiliar face pretending to be me in the mirror.
“Come on Kerry... Deal with this. You can deal with this. It's not so bad,” I started saying to myself repetitively while I stared at the image. I was getting emotional about this, and my heart was starting to race with thoughts, concerns and worries and I was already digging myself a little mental hole for me to curl up in and have a proper break down in.
Shifting in my seat is what snapped me out of that state as my newly acquired tail got pinched between my butt and the seat. It was enough to make me yelp and squirm so I was no longer sitting upright, but laying across the seat on my front. It was hardly dignified, but at least it got my mind out of that “doomed” mindset rather effectively and back to immediate concerns and for starters, I gave my iPod a yank out from its plug to silence the still blaring music. Next, I found it nearly impossible to turn the key, but I managed to pinch it between my two hooves and turn the truck right off. It is kind of silly, but I hoped my truck was okay even though I doubted I would be in the condition to drive it anytime soon. Besides, more pressing matters were at hand (or hoof ) and they announced themselves with a heavy thump on my trucks hood.
“You have a lot to answer for!!” called a tom-boyish voice through the windshield and I looked up. About 3 minutes ago, I would never of believed I was seeing a blue pegasus, wings and all, with a rainbow motif for a mane, standing on my hood. It was like something I would of seen in my Dungeons and Dragons books. It was such a strange and unexpected event to cross my path, that it tripped my internal breaker for the odd and left me just processing her existence with a dumb gape on my face. The fact she was so furious to the point of tears was lost on me as I was still trying to parse together the impossibility of it all. “Are you even listening!? You nearly killed her!”
Sure, I heard the words, but all I can think of that it was not English she was speaking. I understood it, and apparently spoke it myself, but it was not not what I spoke just a few moments ago. It sounded like whinnies, nickers and other horse sounds to me, and yet, it made sense to me. Apparently, whatever happened made me bilingual; that was something that a decade of french lessons had utterly failed to instill in me. And once again, I needed to be jarred out of my out of control train of thought and the mare on the hood obliged by turning my windshield into a mess of spiderwebs with a stomp.
“Hey! Wake up in there! Didn't you hear me!? She could be dead!” Her voice was cracking at the volume she was using, but at least the words were really hitting home with me.
“I must apologize. I am a bit confused but, what did I just do? Who did I hit?” I finally said as calmly as possible, realizing I just crashed through a gathering of some sort and it was all I could do not to have my heart instantly twist into a knot but the thought of killing someone, even on accident, made my stomach churn roughly.
“Get out of that thing and you can see what you did!”
“Yes. Just give me a moment!” I had to oblige her with the charges she was laying on me, even if it put all my concerns on hold for now. I mean, I did not want to hurt anyone, or anypony, and I owed them what little explanation I could give them. She stood there, watching me fumble with the door with eyes that looked ready to burn a hole right through me. “Can you at least tell me where I am?”
“You're in trouble, that's where you are, Mister. Now get going!” I didn't bother saying anything back and she hovered right above me on her wings, watching me like a hawk for any effort on my part to bolt. Even if I would of, I doubt I would of made it far if I tried. After I crawled out of my truck and stepped down onto solid ground, I found myself entirely at a loss on to move. With two feet, it is logical how to move. Left, then right, then back to the start. With four hooves, there is no clear pattern to follow that came to my mind.
“Come on!” she spurred from above with no effort to hide how little patience she had for me.
“Sorry! I am just a bit rattled,” I returned as politely as I could. I was rattled, but to say that was the only reason why I could not walk was simply not true.
“Twilight is a bit more than rattled thanks to you! The least you owe her is to see what you did!”
The name Twilight instantly brought to mind both that stretch of road I was just on, as well as images of bad books rather than anypony I might of injured, but at least the distraction let me take a step. As soon as I stopped actually thinking about it, I started walking easily as if it were second-nature, but as soon as I questioned my body, it got swift revenge. My gait faltered and nearly tripped right onto my face in a rather unceremonious fashion. But even if I did crash to the ground, that would a far cry from the injuries I stand accused of inflicting. “Is she alright?” Once again, I started putting hooves in front of each other and following the tracks my truck left. Turns out, dreading the worst is a very good distraction from how one is walking.
“I,” she started, going from angry to despondent in a second, “I don't know. We had Princess Luna there already for the experiment, so I think she will be fine but...”
She did not continue, and I did not press for more. Frankly, I did not want to hear the details involving the one who I hit, nor the severity of it. I did not even question the apparent presence of equine royalty in my predicament. What good would it do me at this point? I just had to stay calm and try and piece together how fix this and get me back on the highway to Rollo. If I had fingers at such a point, I would count it as bonus. “I really did not mean to do it. It was a total accident!”
The return was quick. “You still did it!” That hurt, and I think she saw that it did. She did not sound much friendlier when she continued, but at least it was on a different subject. “What is that thing you were in, anyway? It was like, really fast for something on the ground!”
As much as the barb hurt, she was not wrong, so I tried moving on to what she asked. “It is my truck. It isn't that fast for one, but it gets me around.” I looked up to see her looking at me as if the words held no meaning. I should not of been surprised; she is a pegasus. How would she even know what a motor vehicle was? “What is your name, if I might ask?”
She hesitated to answer, but she did seem to be warming up at least a little to me. Maybe she really believed I did not do any of this on purpose and was as lost as she was about the whole situation. “Rainbow Dash. What's your name?” She said her name with a little swell of pride.
That was about the easiest question I have had all day. “My name is Kerry.”
“Carry? Carry what? Is that it?”
“Well, Kerry von Kassel is my full name, but it is a bit of a mouthful. Kerry works well enough.” She just looked at me oddly for that as if she was working out what it could mean. I am sure it did mean something at one point, but to me, it was just my name. Besides, her name was 'Rainbow Dash', so it was not like she could claim I had the odder name. “So... Is everyone horses around here?”
Once again, I got the 'you are nuts' look then she returned, “We're ponies. You're one too, if you didn't notice. Or did you hit your head when you crashed your, 'truck'?” She still looked distraught, but at least it was no longer that furious sort of angry where violence can be the only result. I did not answer though, and kept walking along those tracks with my mind mired in thoughts of how bad things might get worse from here. If there is one thing a troubled brain can do, it is invoke the possibilities of Murphy's Law. The pause gave me time to reflect on what has changed about me, where I was and the others around me. And one more thing should definitely be on that list; clothes get very hot, very quickly when you have a fur coat already.
I did not get too much time to think about how poorly my Carhart's fit me now before I was back at the site of disaster. Much of the commotion had settled down it would seem with several ponies of varying types and colours standing there, trying to console themselves in the midst of a flipped table that apparently contained their lunch. Of course, that paled to the spatter of red on the ground, and my heart sank into the deepest recesses of dread and it became very hard to approach closer.
“Don'tcha worry none,” one said loud enough for me to hear, “Luna took 'er and if t'were a pony that could help Twi', it'd be 'er.” Why would there be a western accent when Alberta and the southern States are both in an entirely different realm?
That might of helped my spirits, if it was not for the bawling and looks of worry between the group of four. The other two there just looked angry, standing dutifully by in dark armour, and it was those two that Rainbow motioned over. Judging by the uniform, they were guards or officers. “Is this the one that was in that thing?” one asked.
“That's him.” I knew this was not going to be good.
“By Royal decree, you are to come with us, and be detained until Royal Assent has been given for your release,” he commanded as I looked at the dark, bat-winged pony. I did not bother asking what he was because I would of much rather vanished into nothingness at that point. As for where, that seemed very much irrelevant to me now because the entire territory was foreign to me. So, I just nodded dumbly.
================================
“I think Rainbow went to the others, and left me to the guards. And they took me to you,” I finished and I looked at the stallion across the desk from me and how he was writing with a pen in his mouth, “Can you tell me where I am?”
He spat out the pen and tossed down his notepad. “You are at the Ponyville County Jail, pending transfer to the Royal Maximum Security Prison in Stoney Mountain, as soon as one of the Princesses sign off on it. They seem to have taken a personal interest in this. Lucky you,” Cuffs smugly answered, “You're likely going to go away for a long time.”
I was stunned for two reasons. One, I knew that there was a Stony Mountain Maximum Security Prison back home and it is was kind of odd that there would be another here. Maybe the name was just a good, 'prison name'. Secondly, I was going to be late for that job. I hate being late for work.
“So that was my first day here. Less than ten minutes and I was well on my way to be the first human to get jailed in another plane of existence,” I said to my cellmate, while I laid on one of the cots provided. I thought the time alone was torturous but at least it was productive. It let me spend sometime exploring what I had become, and I can tell you now that it is jarring to go from bipedal to quadrupedal. Everything changes about how you look at things simply because your perspective has shifted in relation to your body, and the loss of hands for hooves hardly seems fair at all. Not only am I bumping into things because I forget my body is three times longer than I am used to, I seem to be limited to palming things with the small space of flesh that is right at the bottom of my hoof. It is a singularly odd sensation. A several hours into this imprisonment, the local drunk, Punch Berry was shown into the cell beside me. This grape-coloured mare could be my first chance to really reach out to learn about pony ways and culture.
“Thatzzz a silly story,” she slurred back.
I was wrong.
With that time wasted, I flop back onto the fabulous cot that furbished the cell and look across the bars to her. “Yeah. I suppose it is,” I mused aloud, “Funny though. I was ready to be out of town for a week and now, I just want to get home so badly after a day.”
A snore was the response.
Sleep probably was not a bad idea, but everything in this world is making my mind start churning once more. Even the unfamiliar stars in the night sky were enough to make me worry. I never did call her. We could not even be looking at the same stars and moon. I really had no idea where I was, or how to get back. Will I ever see her again?
Those lodestones in my head were the ammunition against my resolve not to panic, and the dam shattered entirely. In moments, I went from staring at the great, unfamiliar moon in the sky to crying out all my frustrations. Actually, to tell the truth, I bawled like a lost calf, noisily and without shame about anyone that would see me in this state. I just could not bring myself to care about anything else but there was no catharsis in the act. It dragged on and on, venting the limitless supply of regrets and losses in the pit of my stomach. The bitter sobbing was so intense, I entirely missed the entrance of another pony into the cell.
“Thou look troubled. Perhaps for what thou hath wrought?”
There was no way to hide what I had been doing, or to even stop it right away. I was left choking down my emotion hard and reigning the outburst back in, with my back to the voice. At least she seemed patient with me, and gave me as long as I needed gather myself back up. Hooves are not good for wiping tears from one's face, but I took my time, until I slowly turned to face her.
As I looked over the navy and black pony in the cell with me, I was overwhelmed with a new emotion: Awe. I have lived my entire life saying things were 'awful' or 'awesome' but I was truly not using those word correctly. It was like Athena coming to my door one day to talk about how I blocked her driveway, Freya brushing past me in the super-market, or Coyote just being in my favourite restaurant enjoying a danish. In short, she was something so much greater than me, suddenly, in the flesh and in the same room with me. I have seen men and women in trappings that make them seem larger than life, but this being needed none of them. I did not need her name, or to see the jet regalia she wore. She simply was 'great'. The slice of the night sky she had for a mane that perfectly complimented the dark black and navy coat she had, her grandiose wings and mane all were impressive enough on their own. I was so struck by her nature, I missed how she was looking at me.
The expression was cold, yet her eyes moved over me curiously. It was like I was not what she expected. “Kerry von Kassel, as thy actions hath rendered my dear sister, Princess Celestia to a state of despair where she is incapable of action in this matter, thou shall defend thyself to me,” she stated. I mustered up all the courage and confidence I could manage in my spirit, but there was little in the way of reserves left. “I am Princess Luna, the Ruler of the Night and Co-Ruler of all of Equestria.”
“Of course. I would like to clear this...” Her stare silenced me.
“We art not thy friend, but the one that thou hurt was. Thou will refer to me as, Thy Royal Highness.” The stare did not lighten, and already, I was sinking quickly back towards tears and hopelessness.
“Of course, my Royal Highness,” I echoed as confidently as I could, wiping my face once more, “I meant no disrespect. I did not know who you were.”
The door unlocked after a dark aura surrounded it, and she lead the way, with no fear of turning her back to me. I doubt, even if I were inclined to try violence, that it would be nothing more than a fruitless gesture. “Though I doubt that thee had that much ignorance, thou doth know it now. And now that though dost know, do thy best not to forget. Now, please, come with us.” Her voice was one that barely hid an anger within. She was very much ready to vent that anger too.
“Your Highness,” I stammered as she lead me down the halls of the jail station, “Is the one I hurt alright? The last thing I wanted to do today is hurt anyone. Anypony.”
“Twilight Sparkle is alive,” she replies without bothering to look at me, “But, even our magic has limits. We must wait to see how grievous the injuries are.”
I never thought I would be so relieved to hear I 'only' maimed a being. This is quickly becoming the worst day of my life if that was to be the high point of it.
The halls were the ones that lead to a secure room that Officer cuffed used to get my story earlier in the day. Not much about it changed, except for the familiar set of tools laid over the table, as well as my laptop, books and clothing.
“These art thy possessions?” she said after she took a moment to look over the collection, then back to me. I nodded. “Some of these things, we do recognize. Others, we do not. Thy weapons, for example.” She motioned towards some my tools at that point, “Seem unwieldy for an earth pony. And they are inscrutable in their use. Very much like the red steel beast that thou rode in on, when thou struck Twilight Sparkle. I canst understand how to spur it.”
“Your Royal Highness,” I said as I pushed my tired brain to work on what I would say and how to say it, “M-may I speak freely?
She nods slightly. “You may, but watch thy tongue and if we hath a query for thee, be fleet in thy answer.”
“Then you know, I claim to be human.”
She nods again. “Yes, though there is no such thing or record of even stories of them.” I can tell she is doubting me, or worse, thinking I am insane for even saying such things. All I can do now though is put my fears aside and just try and explain myself, and hope she understands. Even now, I am so nervous, I am shaking before the Goddess.
“F-fair enough. I hope, Your Highness, that I can convince you of that part too. For starters, these are not weapons, but simply tools. All of them are for working metal. Back home, I had hands, not hooves, and could carry these things. The last one you pointed to, is a saw. A portable, electric saw. I could hold it and cut metal and wood with it.”
I can see she was doubting the explanation. If only there was some way she could see a human, and it would make so much more sense. Then, inspiration struck me. “May I get something from my wallet there?” The night goddess nodded slightly though had an obvious look of distaste on her face.
“Is that hide?” she asks as her eyes narrow at me. I did not even consider that might be taboo before I reached for it, and now, I brought her full attention upon it.
“Y-yes. But, it is not as bad as it looks, Your Highness. Back home, bovines are not like us. They are just animals,” I explained quickly, “We treat them well enough but.” I trail off. “I will try to explain but just forgive the leather for now. I need to show you this.”
My hoof slid across the table to the leather thing and flip it open and I quickly found that it is hard getting a driver's license out with hooves, as well as the picture of myself with my girlfriend we took in one of those photo-booths, but the widening eyes of Luna say they at least got her attention. A dark aura surrounds both and holds them up as she looks between the too.
“Thou art one and the same as this ape, thing. As this 'human'?” she asks as she must be noting the similarities between the pictures and myself.
This might be the first good thing all day to happen to me. “Yes. That's me.”
She squints at the picture, then at me. Her nose wrinkles up and her attention shifts back to the photo once more. I think there is a law about any government identification looking flattering and I think she is noticing that is the case right now. Finally, after the long assessment is done, she states, “Thy looks are much improved now.”
I really hoped that was a joke. “To be honest, Your Highness, I miss my hands and I think my eyes are too big now.” She nearly smiles, and I in turn, feel much relief. But then, she simply sighs.
“So, thou art really a victim of circumstance,” she says and she almost deflates in that moment. “We. No, I wanted to hate thee. To punish thee for what happened. Twilight is our newest true friend and ally. Doth thou comprehend?” As odd as it is to see something as powerful as Luna in the first place, it is a far stranger thing to see a god stoop to humility in such an admission. Her eyes turn downward and her mane ceased to flow. I would later learn, that for a moment, the stars went out and moon ebbed away from the sky as she considered this revelation.
“I have never been in your shoes,” I reply quietly, “But I understand. I want to go home, but I want things to be right too. Is there anything I can do?”
She looks up at me. “Yes. Come with me to see her. Thou should see the results of this so thou might understand the feelings that we hath for you.”
How could I say no to such a request?
===================
Before we left, I asked Princess Luna if there was anything I could bring as an olive branch to the one I injured, and was told that she is a voracious lover of literature. I decided to go with the classics I had with me; Watership Down and The Shadow over Innsmouth. They were both favourites of mine, and could not see anypony not enjoying them. They were now in a borrowed saddle bag that we got from Officer Cuffs, though he did not look happy at all about my apparent release. It felt a little like a backpack, though it felt odd in how the weight laid entirely on the mid of my back and not my shoulders.
The town at night was peaceful. One might say it looked like a painting of a town from a simpler time, but I did notice the electric lights they seemed to have between the candles and lanterns. This place was on the cusp of true industrialization, I suspected, and more than that, I kind of hoped that I might be able to plug my electronics in here. I digress though. The shops were closed, carts in the market cleared of goods, only the odd window had a light in it, and Luna and I were the only ones walking the streets. The sleepy village was so serene under a perfect (but unfamiliar) night sky that one could not help but relax and let the calm sink in. And with a little bit of calmness came curiosity. “Your highness,” I finally got out, breaking the silence, “I have noticed that there seems to be four types of ponies and well, I seem to be in the lowest class of pony. Is there a hierarchy I should be aware of?”
She actually had to stop and she looks back at me. “We do not understand what speak of? Hierarchy of ponies? Classes?”
“Well, you are obviously in the highest class I have seen,” I explain, “With wings and magic. Then you have the unicorns and pegusi, right? Then you have the normal ones. No magic. No flight. Back home, if another race had actual power over another, it would not be long before such things would become a legal issue.”
She looked at me with concern. “We understood that there was just humans where you hail from. Is this now not true?”
For a moment, I felt like I should leave her in ignorance of human racial relations but something about lying to the goddess that wanted to find a reason to hate me seemed like a very poor idea. “Well, it is just humans, yes, but we pick anything we could for a long time to say that we were the best. Nationality, religion and things like skin colour are more common than we really like to admit.”
“It is not here, Kerry. All ponies are equal here, whether they are a earth ponies, pegasus or unicorn. They all are imbued with magic, as well. It is not as obvious for earth ponies, but the others can not match their strength and connection to the land,” she explained as she motioned for me to walk along side her with a flick of her wing. “It seems odd to be so discriminatory amongst thy peers. Is that common? Is that what it means to be human?”
That question had a scathing commentary for what I was, and it was my time to reflect on what seemed to be a scathing commentary on my native race. Here was a world made of at least four definitively different race, and yet they were surprised to hear about racism. “Well,” I started with an explanation forming within my mind, “I guess it comes right down to what we are. You here, in this land, are ponies. I would suspect that you were herd animals before you were building and truly thinking. That means, you all relied on one another tightly for protection. Danger brought you together as a group.
“With us humans, I suspect it was different. We were social but we, at our core, were scavengers and simply the littlest little things around in a harsh environment where predators were common. We saw anything outside of our group as a risk. Anyone that was not in the troop was a threat because they'd eat our food and bring predators prowling. We got mean, cynical, distrusting and xenophobic in a hurry.” I was not sure xenophobic was the right word, but then again, I was making first contact with another species right now. Maybe I should avoid making us sound like a pile of paranoid savages. “Not to say we do not care for one another. We do. Just, we as a whole, are quick to draw up lines in the sand whenever we feel someone is going to take advantage of us.”
As for the goddess's reaction, she did not have one. She just listened to my words and hummed at the end to confirm she heard me, and left it at that. “Come then,” she said at that point, “The hospital art not far from here.” Maybe I was too forward with my description of humanity and that is why the conversation was dropped. She was right though about how far alone we were. Even though I was pretty new with the four hooves thing, we were making pretty good time. Maybe ponies were just quick.
A ridiculously stereotypical hospital was coming into view against the night sky after one final turn. Only way to picture it is to say, “Picture a white, small-town hospital. There. You are done.” Luna was quick to usher me to the front door, past the vestibule and into the the front foyer, where a white mare was sitting behind a desk. She had on a familiar style of nurses hat and I quirked internally at the odds of such a thing. In fact , so much about this world seemed to be triggering nostalgia in me with their familiar forms. Why would a pony put a loop for a finger on a coffee mug, like the one that sat at the desk. Why did so many doors have knobs? Something was not clicking at all with me, but before I could dwell on that too long, the princess spoke.
“We need to see Twilight Sparkle. T'is important, Nurse Redheart,” she whispers. Oddly enough, when she whispers, she loses nothing of the divine nature of her voice.
The nurse looks up fro her desk and she nods. “Of course, Princess. Just keep in mind that there are those here than need their rest. Twilight included,” she replies calmly to the apparent-deity. This makes me raise my eyebrows in surprise. There was no bowing to, nor series of praise for Luna from the nurse. Just a respectful tone that one would expect for any client. Is seeing somepony like Luna common place in this world?
I never did get a chance to really ask before I was accosted by pink. With a grim expression and a razor straight mane-cut (Is that the right term?) as serious as her eyes, the dark grey-pink mare shoved nose to nose against me. For every step I took back towards the door, she took two forward. “We do NOT want you here, Meanie McMeanerson!” she hissed at me. I did not know ponies could sound that way. Even Cuffs, who very clearly did not like me, never neared such a threatening tone with me. And he definitely never made me rear up onto two hooves against a wall like this smaller pink mare did.
“Pinkamena!” Luna was quick to come to my rescue, but I was already jammed against the door from those psychotic blue eyes that seem to be drilling into my soul. If looks could kill, I would be gone and buried already. At least the commanding whisper from the Princess pulled the angry mare back from me a bit. “Thou will leave the stallion alone! He hath come to make amends for what happened!”
The mare did not like that at all, but she stepped back slowly without so much as blinking. I was captivated by pitiless, blue points of hatred for me, even from several paces away. “Okie. Dokie. Lokie.” she finally grumbled, and looked away from me and to the princess, “But, I do not have to be his friend.” She said those words as if those were the greatest insult possible, but was glad to feel the instant relief of being away from the wall and back on fours. It was not enough to stop my heart from racing at what Pinkamena could be capable of. That pink mare could be the thing of a nightmare if she were unrestrained and focused on you.
“Are any of the other Elements here, Pinkie Pie?” Luna asked next, quite obviously cutting me out of the exchange by stepping between me and the object of my current terrors.
“Applejack and Rarity had to go home 'cause they gotta work tomorrow,” the pink mare replied as she once more tried to fix me with that gaze. “Fluttershy fell asleep in the room because she was crying so super hard all day. Rainbow is up in the sky working the night-time clouds. She said she needed to blow off some steam.” Finally, the game between Luna and Pinkie ended as the princess reached out with her hoof and laid it upon the mare's cheek to stop the constant fencing with lines-of-sight.
“I understand that thou art upset with this stallion Pinkie. But after speaking with him, it seems to be nought but a terrible mistake. While thou hath not like him, I do ask that thou not harass him,” she chided with a voice of infinite patience. While that did not solve the entire issue, the mare did bow down her head down and choke a whimper back.
“Y-yes Princess. I am going to go home. Maybe I'll be feeling more Pinkie and less Pinkamena tomorrow. Buuuut, he is still NOT getting a party!” she retorted finally with a tremble in her voice and then she walked for the door. I do not think Luna saw it but that one last glare I was given by her was enough to chill blood and shatter wills. Hannibal Lector would of been proud.
My body did not get nearly enough time to thaw before Luna spoke again. “Come on, Kerry. The room is this way.” Once again, I was just following blindly along behind her, and the lump in my throat grew with every step along the hallway. The sign saying “Intensive Care” did nothing to help my worries at all.
“She will recover, I think,” she reassured rather ineffectively, “But thou can see it for yourself. We are here.”
I looked at the door in front of me, steeled my nerves and pushed in to see how bad everything really was.
The room was as welcoming as any hospital room I have ever been in. In other words, it was not inviting at all. Hospitals never are a place where one wants to go, but are sent there by necessity brought about by misfortune. It was funny how close it was to a hospital back home though, with the white walls, bad floral print window dressings and the sterile smell made the uncomfortableness of the room complete. If I were to touch them, I am sure I would of found the bed lumpy and the chairs overly hard. At least the soft light of an exceptionally bright moon shining through the window lent some level of comfort and warmth to an otherwise unwelcoming place. I gave Luna a glance, and quickly deducted that she likely had a part in how the full moon hung perfectly in the window. The only noise other than ourselves, was the sound of two pony's breathing, and the rhythmic beeping of a monitor from the corner. We did our best not to disturb the peaceful quiet of the room, though I could find no way to soften the clop of hooves on a tile floor. The subtle clacking roused one of the occupants enough to lift her head from where she had collapsed in exhaustion at the foot of the bed.
“Is that you Luna?” came the willowy and quite drowsy voice of a yellow mare with a pink mane as she tried to blink out the sleep from her eyes. I was once again struck by how casually ponies referred to a goddess and their ruler. When there is a chance, I will have to ask about it.
“T'is I, Fluttershy,” she replied in a near whisper, and Luna was quick to approach the bed to look at the patient “Hath Twilight roused at all in my absence?”
The mood was rarely good in a hospital and that question did nothing to lighten it. Instead, Fluttershy stood up, but kept her head hanging down as if ashamed to meet Luna's eyes with her own. “I really tried my best, but the doctors really did not want me doing too much. I am better with animals anyways, and I don't want to hurt Twilight. I just wish I knew what I could do to wake her up,” she said, obviously trying her best not to cry with deep breathes taken almost as punctuation. As almost an afterthought, she glances in my direction. “Um. Hi.”
I honestly did not know what to say beyond a simple greetings too. To introduce myself as the one that hurt a dear friend to a pony that looked as fragile as this one seemed overtly cruel. So, I tipped my hat and quipped, “Hello.” I guess introducing yourself with a bumper makes a friendly hand or hoof-shake rather unlikely. At least the princess seemed to know what needed to be said, and I was happy to let her take that lead.
“This is Kerry. He was piloting that red thing when the accident happened, but he hath assured me it was nought but a terrible accident,” she explained in her stately way, but that did not stop the angry glare from Fluttershy. While Pinkamena's stare was threatening, this was something different entirely. A buzz filled my ears as it felt like I was being forced to look into a spotlight by some unknown force holding my head and prying my eyes wide. My will snapped like a twig and I was only under the terrible gaze for seconds! Thankfully, It only lasted a moment longer when Luna saved me yet again. A dark wing acted as a wall between myself and the mare and broke the gaze. “Fluttershy!”
It never hurt physically, but I was left with the feeling that something rolled over my will in an instant. That is a injury of a sort I never had before and it is hard to describe while doing it proper justice. You might think I would be getting better at relaying the strange and new with all the practice I was getting in the this long, busy day, but words escape me. At best, I can say it is tiring and it left me in a dazed stupor until it wore off, and it did so just in time to hear the door close behind me. It was just the goddess and I in the room with the patient now.
“Sorry about that, Kerry. Fluttershy hath a power called 'The Stare'. It is potent and can compel one to act differently than they might normally. Seems she wished to test how honest you were being,” she explained.
“Looks like I am on everyone's list, eh?” I replied as I tried to compose myself from that mental assault. It was tougher to shake off than I would like.
“It would seem,” she agreed. “Here is where we start correcting that. This is Lady Twilight Sparkle. Protege of Princess Celestia, Bearer of the Element of Magic, and Twice Savior of Equestria. Oh yes, and the curator of the Ponyville Library. I must admit, thou could not hoof pick a pony less deserving of what happened to her if thee tried.” She chuckled sadly at her own dark humour. Fitting for a night goddess to have that particular quirk. I could not share in the bitter mirth though. If my mood had improved any in the course of the day, the list of titles had drove it down like a series of hammer blows on a nail. Not only did I hit somepony, I had hit a veritable national treasure and put her in the hospital.
Even with that cheerful note echoing within my mind, I stepped up slowly, and to look at my victim. A lavender unicorn laid atop of the bed, wrapped in bandages. The right side of her face was heavily padded from her mane to her jaw, including her eye, and a split ran the length of her horn. Her neck and her right foreleg were similarly braced to prevent her from moving it, and it quickly became apparent to me that I must of struck her on that side. A blanket hid the rest of her, but I had no inclination to see more of my work. Instead, I looked to how she was wired to the monitors and hooked to an IV bag that steadily dripped a clear fluid into her. I suspected it was an anaesthetic, so she might sleep through the worst of this.
“She had her horn nearly sheered from her and the doctors were unsure how well her bones will knit. As I said, even I hath limits,” she says trying to look strong. Once again, the goddess looked very much like a mortal with how she fought the temptation to sob. I am not sure which was worse to look at, the patient or the Princess. “We can provide a body with power, but cannot push it to repair too far. The consequences of such are often worse than the injury occurred.”
Finally, I mustered the will to speak. That is a hard act when looking at what is the worst thing I have ever done to another living being. “The others were able to get out of the way. Why did she have to get hit? Didn't she see it coming? All the rest did! I did all I could to help her but it was not good enough for a hero?” As I spoke, I found myself suddenly angry at the maimed mare, and with the growing temper, my voice rose to match. This was not her fault, but everything has gone wrong for me today on a level so astronomically bad, it defies definition. I lost my whole world and my body! I had nothing left. If she just could of taken three steps to the left, it would of been better. Not perfect, but better at least! I was tired of self-pity for something I had no hand in doing and she was there, ready to take the blame silently.
A wing laid over me and pulled me away from Twilight and into an embrace that just radiated calm, and with that patient voice, she spoke, “Thou speak rashly and out of frustration. She is no more at fault than thou. Try to calm thyself. Thou should never give into anger and bitterness.” Once more, I did not know how to react to such a thing, but the dark limb around my body stymied any effort to feel anger. It was simply nice there, to be pressed against something I would swear could not exist no less than a day ago. The effect that evaporated away my burst of rage was not magic but simple compassion from one being to another in a difficult time. She did release me, but made sure I was looking at her for when she finally continued. “Now, when it happened, she was weaving a complex spell, using some my own magical strength to solidify it. I doubt she knew thou appeared at all, let alone had time to act.”
“Magic? Could she of brought me here?” I asked hopefully. The implied question was if she was my ticket home too.
“Alas, all I can say is that t'is possible,” she replied as her attention turned to Twilight once more. I looked at her too, but this time, I kept my anger in check. “If she wakes, it will be no less than three months before her horn knits to be suitable for spellcraft once more. What the spell was to be was a surprise for my sister, and so, I do not know what it was, or intended to do.”
It did not take any time at all to catch the relevant part in that statement. In the best case scenario, I was looking to be trapped here as a pony for three months with no way to get a word back home. The silence that filled the room was only broken up by that steady beeping from that machine in the corner while I bounced to the other side of the thought. If this mare was permanently crippled or worse, never actually woke, I would be here until I died.
No words seemed appropriate now, but I stepped forth to the unconscious mare, and pulled free my peace offering from the saddle bag. They were absurdly insignificant in comparison to what happened. “Sorry I crippled you. Have a couple of books,” I thought bitterly to myself, but I still carefully lifted one of her hooves and slid both of them into place.
“For whatever it is worth, if you can hear this, I am sorry. My name is Kerry von Kassel, and I was the one that hit you. I did not mean it, or even knew I did it. I am sorry.” Once again, it seemed woefully inadequate and was not the panacea for my emotions as I hoped. It just made me feel weak, greedy and guilty all at once. I was not about to get angry at her again, but I needed to get out of this place. There was nothing more I could do in this room, and just being here was growing a loathing in myself for my impotence. I gave the injured mare one more long look over, taking note of every injury she had and it became clear that I would have a lot of work ahead of me to make some sort of recompense for today.
I turned to face the other in the room. “Princess Luna. Can we go back to the station? I would like to gather my things and get back to my truck. It is all I have of home.”
She simply nodded, and the door glowed in a blue aura before it opened. I was ushered out to leave the broken mare in the company of a thankfully incessantly beeping machine and what was the most brilliant moon I had ever seen glowing in the window in an unmoving vigil.
“With all due respect, are you crazy? He needs to be locked up! Not given another chance! And he most definitely does not need to be released to his own recognizance!” Cuffs protested to the princess as her aura neatly lifted items off of the table and put them back in my bags in their respective places. It might wrong of me, but seeing that rust red pegasus with a tin star tattoo lose his mind over Luna's declaration did help lighten my mood. Even she had a chuckle at the bluster of the somewhat over-weight police pony.
“We disagree and We think We outrank you. No. We are quite sure that t'is the case. Thou art dismissed for the night,” she calmly replied and even accompanied the words with a little waggle of her hoof in his direction and this was met with several half uttered protests. None of them actually left his throat before he turned to face me once more and for a third time this night, I was glared at.
“Very well, Princess. I obey, but rest assured, I will find a reason to haul him back in,” he stated with confidence, and I really wished I had a certain middle digit to show him at the moment. Instead, I stepped aside and he stormed past me, leaving me free to go to my bags which were quite rapidly filling up with the last of my belongings. I missed how he slammed the door behind him but he did it quite well.
“Are all ponies this friendly? Been here a day and I think I am up to five mortal foes,” I joked with a sarcasm laced tone.
Luna laughed briefly into a hoof, and gave a hapless shrug. “The manner of thy arrival hath endeared you to many, truly. But take heart. With time, I am sure the rest shall see you for a good pony that had an accident.” She then dropped my luggage on my back all at once without premonition.
I was sure I was to be hurt by the weight and I just got a barely uttered half-syllable before it was far too late to stop it. I tensed everything of my body and, as they would say it on the enterprise, 'braced for impact'. I imagine my expression must of been quite amusing because the goddess was laughing sweetly at me, but I did not think it was funny in the least. Those bags are filled with tools, books, metal, electronics and were all balancing on my back with ease. Wait. I glanced back and, sure enough, they were all there. I even did a double take at the neatly balanced pile because I knew even at my best, they should not all be there without flattening me to the ground. I had never been able to lift that much before I came through to this world.
She must of saw the surprise on my face and smiled. “Oh, come now. Thou art built as large as any soldier on the Royal guard. Maybe as large as the one of the Bearer's brothers. Thou can easily bear this burden. Come on now. Let us get you to your truck so you might get some rest yet tonight.” With that, she opened the door with that dark blue aura and began her walk out, followed closely by me. Walking through the station and into the night air was a welcomed change as the coolness helped perk me up a bit. The lack of coffee, minimal food, the stress of the day and twenty four hours since I rested well were all ganging up on me. I would be quite happy to get back to familiar ground to speak, if the only ground to be had would be a broken red truck. The fatigue made my mind wander.
“So, what's with the ass-tattoos?” I yawned and was rewarded with a strange look from the mare in front of me.
“Pardon?”
“The designs. Everyone, excuse me, everypony seems to have one. Is it like an coming of age thing where you guys get something put there?” I was curious but, in reflection, I think I was getting to be a little too casual in my language at that point.
“Thou must mean our 'cutie marks'. They are a magical symbol of our best talent and they appear when we find it. I hath the moon for I am the ruler of the night. I move it through the sky each and every day. I take it that humans hath no such marks?” she answered.
“Nope, but that would of saved me some time if we did. I could avoided a lot of heart-ache and just got into what I do now.” It seemed neat and tidy to have a magical indicator to let you know when you struck at what you would be good at. Then I thought about those that got stuck with something menial like, waiting or something like that. How would they feel with this arrangement? My thoughts were interrupted by her speaking once more.
“Oh, Thy tools and the metal in thy truck then? I do wonder what thy mark might look like then, but thy pants prevent others from seeing.” For a moment, I thought that was a pass at me, then reminded myself I was the odd one out in ill fitting clothing. Most of the ponies were bare and those that did have clothing tended to wear capes, cloaks or at most, a shirt. But she did raise an interesting point; did I have a mark too?
“I'll look tomorrow, but yeah. I was a metal worker at home. Did stuff like run duct-work and hang fans. It took a long time to figure out I actually liked it more than paperwork and offices though,” I muttered with an effort to not show embarrassment at the thought of having a mark of my own hidden behind the heavy cloth. I do not think it was that successful. “I have three months to get all the lingo and things down, including checking if I have a mark or not. No need to jump the gun tonight and try and do it all.”
“Yes. Just give it time and thou shalt do well here. Just be a good pony and others will see that, even if they feel otherwise now. We are all quite forgiving,” she advised. To me, it seemed like she was speaking from experience.
The late night walk to my temporary home took us to a lesser used road that lead out of the town. It would seem that I would have some solitude where I was going to be staying. “I guess I will see that for myself,” was my reply as I did my best to note the path we were taking so I would be able to return when I needed to. Then a thought took me.
“Wait. You move the moon? You more than represent it, but move it?” It took a bit for that thought to loop around and hit me, but when it did, it boggled me with the scope of the physics involved. “How?”
“You can move thy ears and tail, no? I move the moon and the night. Even the stars, I so wish,” she said casually and once again my mind reeled with thoughts and math I was far to tired to properly indulge in. The implications and ramifications of such a thing being possible were... Too much for me to care about right now. I needed a bed and badly and so I let it go and just walked quietly in the night. Minutes passed as she turned off the road and down between the tire treads, where she stopped. Ahead of us would be my truck and behind us would be were the accident would of happened.
“Thou canst find thy way from here?” she asked, gesturing with a wing and hoof.
“Yeah, I should be good,” I returned as I narrowed my eyes and squinted to see if I could see my truck at all. No such luck, but it was not that far if I recalled.
She lowered her limbs and looked at me intently. Instinct told me that there was something the deity wished to say, and I stood at at intention for it. Her voice was commanding and had the full weight of a nation and her own power behind it without ever raising once as she spoke, “Good. Now, I must ask three things of you. First, I want thee not to spread the knowledge of humans too far. There will be rumours, but only I hath seen the pictures. Try and keep it so. Some ponies may panic if they knew of thy origins.”
That was reasonable enough. And pretty easy too. I did not know anyone around and so it was not like I had many to go and blab my secret to. “Of course, Your Highness.”
“Secondly, thy name. Reflect on thyself and think of a name more of this world. It will help quell the worries, and I shalt speak to Officer Cuffs soon to make sure he doth not use your actual name lightly. My sister will be able to to tell the Elements the same,” she went on to order.
That might be a little harder but, again, reasonable. “Yes, Your Highness,” I said again, trying to fight back a yawn. I was really tired and though there as anticipation for the third commandment, nothing was changing the heaviness of my eye-lids.
“Finally, try to have a little fun here. Explore and learn from others. T'is quite rewarding,” she stated, in the same tone, but a smile crept on her face. I was confused by this but at least that command seemed to be one that was a bit frivolous in comparison to the other two.
“I guess I can do that,” I replied in a bit of confusion. If she was not going to be serious, I was not going to be either. I was too tired and drained to be too serious for long anyways.
“Very good then. Amongst other Royal duties I have neglected tonight, I must be going to the castle to see my sister and explain to her what I learned of you tonight so to ease her mind, though I suspect she might wish to speak to you when she gets the chance,” she stated as already a blue aura enveloped her, “Be well, Kerry.”
She then was enveloped by a deep blue aura and vanished from sight, leaving me alone on that tire track path off the road. “Huh. All that walking and she simply could warp around like that,” I muttered to myself, “Could of saved us some time.” With that, I walked to the truck. It was still there, looking no better or worse for being abandoned, and after I dumped everything I owned off of my back at the foot of the back bumper, I slipped inside of it to sleep. It did not take long to drift off at all once I was somewhere familiar.
The sun rose slowly over the pastel word all too soon. And not like it was earlier than I would like it either. It was ahead of schedule in a rather factual way. I glanced wearily at the clock on my dash, and it read 4:56 in the morning, but the noon day sun seemed to disagree entirely with my assessment. Unless my clock was wrong, that is. It very well could be. I did not know the adjustment for a clock to make dimensional or interstellar time keeping possible but I would be surprised to hear that I would be just an hour back. More than the sun, it was the thought I did not really know the time at all that made me wake to a rather sobering question.
“What do I actually know?”
The thought bounced around in my skull for a moment and then disappointment crept in. I was pretty ignorant of a lot of critical, need to know information. The time just seemed to be at the top of that list right now because I felt cheated out of a much needed night's sleep. Unless the sun was actually early, then I felt doubly cheated. I did not even have a proper date to go by. Was this summer around here? There should be a clock and somewhere in- BEEEP!
My phone's alarm went off, derailing every thought in my head instantly and with the usual expediency, I picked it up, flicked it open and tapped a hoof on the red button to silence it. I nearly put the thing right back down before I realized that I was holding the thing. I instantly flipped over the hoof with the phone and confirmed that I indeed had a grip on the thing. Kind of. I did not miraculously have fingers as I hoped, but I did have a soft pad between the arc that was the hoof that was 'palming' the phone. I used to do that trick with coins when I was human, and it seemed ponies could do similar.
“Neat,” I quipped to myself as I gave the phone a shake to test the limits of the grip, and to my surprise, it was rather solid. It was also rather clumsy. All I could do is hold something, leaving fine manipulation of anything out of the question. I guess that is why every time I have seen somepony write, it has been with their mouth or with magic. It was something though and I smiled as I dropped the phone on the other seat, and picked it up several times to get used to the odd feeling. The mood died as I flipped the phone to my eyes once more and saw that my phone still had no reception. I just turned it off entirely then and tossed it aside. It was just a useless piece of plastic here and there was no sense in wasting the battery.
How would I charge up my things here anyways? I had battery driven tools, a computer, an iPod and if my truck still worked, it might need a boost after sitting idle for three months. I saw that they had electric power or at least a magical proxy that resembled it closely. But even if it were actual electricity, what are the odds it was something that I could simply plug into? Were those odds better or worse than ending up in a land of talking, magical ponies without a way of returning?
Those things would have to wait until later because I simply could not really address them until I was back in town to look up these things and there was at least one thing I could take care of here. I flopped on my back and began the undignified battle with my belt buckle. I was victorious but my sense of self-reliance took a mortal blow in the wages of the war. At least, when it was off, I was able to push my pants down and kick them off my legs. The fresh air went to work quickly at cooling my sweat damp coat. It was a nice side effect of what I really wanted to see. I glanced at my flank, and it appeared I did have one of those 'cutie marks' too. How embarrassing but at least I would not stand out here, but if my girlfriend could see it though, she'd laugh for sure.
As for what it was, it was a tin hammer. The little square hammer with a tapered point would have to be there because it was the tool of my trade, but the red square behind it was harder to place. It was the binding that gave it away finally; it was a book. My cutie mark was a hammer resting on top of a book. After careful consideration of the shape and message of it, I decided it was a little too blunt. I knew I was pretty much the only bookish tin basher to be found, but to just lay it out there in a single picture on my posterior like that seemed unnecessary. Putting that aside, I gave the mark a rub with a hoof and found that it was a part of my coat. Like my apparent 'earth pony strength', and my ability to grab things with a hoof, I just chalked up the mark to being something that ponies had and not to question it too much.
It was getting hot, as if the sun were on a haphazard course across the sky as if steered by some drunk lout that wanted to buzz earth in a cosmic drive-by, and I glanced out the window at the large orb with scorn. If Luna controlled the night, I'd bet that her sister had a reign on the day, and if that was the case, she needed to keep her mind on her work. I could take a guess why her work was sub-par today too, but I really did not want to dwell on that right now. It was time to head into town. Maybe, if I were really lucky, I might scrounge up some food while there.
“Well, when in Rome. Or Equestria, in this case.”
With that reassurance to myself, I flopped back into my seat and pulled off my shirt, leaving me with just my yellow coat and that mussed, brown mane which I did my best to cover up under my ball cap. I glanced at how I looked in the rear-view mirror, and that odd pony greeted my vision. It would be a while before I got used to that reflection. It was something else I did not want to dwell on though, and I pushed the door open and stepped outside. In the light, it was even easier to follow the way back towards town, but I did not even get half way to the road before my ear perked up to catch an odd sound. Singing. Many, many voices were all singing a sad, worried tune in the town, though I could not make out the words from here. It was about there I noticed I was humming the tune as if I knew every note, and I stopped myself. If you ever heard me sing, you would know why I stopped myself.
“It must be another pony thing,” I said to myself to excuse both the musical number and my involuntary reflex to join in with it. Besides, as I made my way down my grass path to the road, I had one more thing I really needed to work on. I needed a pony name. The rules seemed simple. First, they tended to be very descriptive of the pony that bore it. Second, they were usually a few syllables at the most. Finally, they tended to be cute. I rankled at that rule.
“Hello. My name is...” I trailed off and thought about how to finish that sentence off, only to need to go through several more false starts. “Hi, my name is... what? My name is? Who?” I then hummed the musical ending to that and chuckled. I doubt I could pass as a 'Slim Shady' and this was harder than I thought it would be. Now that I thought about it, a lot of bands are sort of 'pony named' already. Daft Punk, Nightwish, Machine Head to name a few. Again, I stopped my train of thought and brought it right back to where it should be. Why was I getting hung up on music again? My ear perked up to catch a long, sad note, and when it silenced, the thoughts of music dropped from my brain too.
“Seems ponies are rigged to sing in concert,” I mused to myself, “Weird.” It was another thing I would look into later but would just accept as a rule for now.
I went back to work on the name thing in my walk towards the town, with repeated attempts to finish the simple statement, but it was proving to be impossible. Every run at it started to get grating on my senses because I knew I could make up names if I needed to. The ability to name your characters well was integral to a good table-top RPG, so why couldn't I give myself anything.
So, I took the next logical step and started to just fill the space with gibberish. “My name is Floogity Flibbity Fla!” I spat if it were a series of curses. Terrible name, but it made me feel a little better. “Or maybe it is Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.” It was a reference joke, but it made me chuckle because I could rather honestly fill in the next line too. “That is the worst name I ever heard.”
My rump hit the ground and I hung my head. “Why is this so hard?” I whined aloud and that is where I had to put my hoof down. I was getting riled up again and that is no good, so I swallowed down the emotion deep down and focused on the question entirely. It did not help as much as I hoped but at least I was calm again. So, I began walking again. By now, I was on a proper gravel road, rather than the grass that lead to my truck, but other than a new texture, it never became uncomfortable for me. I did wonder if I would need to invest into some horseshoes briefly.
“I am a well-read metal worker. I am yellow right now, and my cutie mark is a book and hammer. My name should be,” I started, taking one final run at the issue, and nothing really clicked in my mind and I was so close to the town. The sounds of voices going about their business were not far now, and I could make out the mares and stallions working away at their daily duties. I shifted gears in my mind from solving my name problem to listing what I wanted to do first. My stomach reminded me rather noisily that the last good meal I had was breakfast yesterday, and that was still rather light. Getting myself a meal meant finding some coin first or at least striking up a barter with a pony. It was inevitable that I would have to talk to somepony so I might as well do it. With that goal in mind, I walked up to a working mare with a garbage cart in tow.
“Excuse me, miss. Is there a good breakfast place around here?” I asked, trying to be as friendly looking as possible to the tan mare.
“You must be new here,” she returned without even looking. “Go to Sugar Cube Corner. Best place in town, if you ask me. It's just over there. Can't miss it.”
I thanked her and quietly celebrated my first real contact with pony kind where I was not under any direct duress, while following the given direction. Now if I could avoid giving my name ever, the whole issue would be moot. I really doubted it was going to be possible though, and just made my way through the half set up farmer's market, dodging carts and wagons as I moved along as instructed. And like she said, I couldn't miss it if I tried. It looked exactly like gingerbread house. I had to appreciate the craftsponyship that went into making such a convincing facade.
For some reason, a shiver ran down my spine as if I just brushed shoulders with death right before I walked in.
The merry jangle of a bell announced my entrance to the shop where a mare and stallion pair juggled both their jobs as the proprietors of the establishment and the task of managing two young children. I suppose foal would be the correct term here. Anyways, the store was organized chaos at its best with old stock being shuffled to the 'Day Old” shelf, while the new was being tossed haphazardly onto shelves. No matter how crazy the activity here though, the smell of fresh baked breads and treats permeated the place entirely.
“Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner!” the lanky, bright yellow stallion blurted right before he dashed off after one foals. The glow of his coat made me very appreciative of the dullness of mine. He looked like a traffic barricade.
A blue matronly mare called for my attention from behind the counter at that point and she smiled with genuine intention behind it. I was so used to the fake retail smiles I ran into back home, that to see an authentic one was noteworthy. “We are just setting up for the day, but we are glad to help you for visiting us so early, deary,” she said with the same warmth.
“Oh, sorry for being so early. My clock broke and I was not sure what time it was. Especially since the sun seems to be a little fast today,” I tried. I don't know if I came across as honest, but would be nice to have this concern allayed, since the chance came up.
“Its nearly seven, and you are not the only one trying to get a jump at the day. Almost everypony got up early. Princess Celestia is coming to town today to see Twilight in the hospital. Isn't it terrible what happened to her?” I struggled not to look guilty, but hearing about the event again was a nice little kick to my heart. I think she saw it was a tender subject for me. “I know, deary. We are all upset and hope for her speedy recovery. Maybe she'll be more careful about her magic in the future though.”
“I don't know,” her partner interjected, “Rumour has it that somepony did it her.”
I took my chance to step in and speak again. “Whatever happened to her, I think we all want her to be well,” I said, trying to end this conversation before I had to find a corner to hide in. “I was wondering though, if I can get something to eat on trade. You see, I have a slight lack of cash, but I am a pretty good worker.” Not really true. It was more that I really did not think the ponies would care who Sir Robert Borden is or why he is on a slip of paper.
“Oh my! I don't know if we can do this every day, but I think we can part with a few day-old buns for you,” she suddenly cried with a voice filled with sympathy for my plight, “At least until you get back on your hooves." The other already had a bag of rolls in front of me, and I could be knocked over with a feather at that point.
“Wow! That is much more than I expected,” I quite happily replied but to tell the truth, anything but a demand to leave the store was more than I really hoped for.
“What sort of work do you do?” the bright yellow stallion asked as he ferried the two young foals on his back around the store. Him having those two under control had done much to reign in the discord of the room.
I gave a modest shrug. “I have done a lot, but I prefer metal work. Especially with ventilation. Range hoods, exhaust fans. That sort of thing,” I replied. I really, really, really hoped the lack of hands would not render me utterly useless.
They looked between themselves for a moment and both smiled, but it was the mare that spoke up first. “Actually, if you do that sort of thing, we might have something for you to do in the kitchen. It gets pretty stuffy in there when we have the ovens going, and it is a pretty long wait until one of the regular handiponies might get to it. If we threw in some bits, would you do it?”
I really could not ask for better, and I tried offering a hoof over the counter. “It's a deal! As soon as I can get together the materials, I will be back to get it up,” I declared quickly to the pair confidently. If they knew I did not know the going value of the currency here, they could really bend me over, but that did not seem at all like pony nature today. It was a pretty big contrast from yesterday.
“Oh good! We are the Cakes, by the way, deary,” she warmly said while her husband took the shake I offered. “And you would be?”
Ah, dang. It's the moment of tru-
“Scriber,” my voice answered of its on volition.
Scriber? Since when did I think of that one? Kind of made sense though. A scribe kept books and a scriber marked metal so it worked both ways and it was not cute. It was concerning that it spontaneously generated itself in my mind.
“Well Scriber, you go and enjoy your breakfast, and we will see you when you get back, deary,” she replied, and gave my bag of buns a push towards me me. “Hopefully we will be a little more ready for customers when you get back.”
“Thank you, and I will be back soon!” I returned with a tip of my hat, then made my way out, holding the bag in my mouth. As maddening it was to have good food literally under my nose as I walked towards my truck once again, all I can think of how natural that name seemed to come to me as I went.
The trip back up along the lonely road to my truck was uneventful and my breakfast much more normal as I could expect for the circumstances. Not to say it was bad either. The Cakes were as good as any baker back home if not better, but it was just some old rolls that I was left munching on. While laying on my debilitated truck's opened tailgate, I got to watch the sun scoot bashfully back a few hours in the sky to a proper morning elevation. Seems the other sister does control the sun. Take that Newton. It's all magic here.
“So, 'Scriber',” I said to myself between the last few bites of my rolls, “Any plans to get me home?”
I was silent and whatever prompted me to give that name seemed absent, so I let the thing drop. As far as pony names go, it was not bad and it did not rise any eyebrows so I was going to run with it. Besides, I had work to do today. Behind me, in the truck's box was a load of metal pipe, duct-work and equipment that were supposed to wind up in some building in Saskatchewan, but given the circumstances, I figured that it was safe to poach from the pile. I would pay my boss back with interest if and when I got back home. So I loaded up everything I thought I might need, though I regretted not taking a proper look at what I was to do.
My tool bag and the matching belt ended up hanging from my neck with a small fan balanced on my back along with a bundle of pipe that was held on with a load strap. I tried to carry it without, but there was just no way to keep it from rolling off, so I ended up laying down on it pipe and pulling the strap around my body like a belt (As a side note, I need to clean those things. They taste really dusty.). There was no doubt in my mind that I looked rather silly hauling so much at once, but I was strong enough to take it and if I could avoid, it was not going to walk between the bakery and my truck more than once. Last thing I wanted was a pony following me home. I was not up to answering the questions that might come up. I bounced a few times on my hooves to test the load, then I was off.
This time, the trip was quicker, and I slipped through town rather easily without even needing to talk to any ponies as I went, though the traffic seemed light. Just this morning, the streets were a buzz of activity in the setting up of the market, and now, there was just a few ponies behind the counters and even less shoppers. All of the missing the ponies were likely waiting to see the other princess a the hospital and that was fine with me. One of the ponies that was left did catch my eye. She was a bright pink one that looked remarkably like the mare at the hospital, but while Pinkamena was dark, angry and edgy, this mare seemed to be made of cotton candy and zest for life. It was with the latter she was driving the florist she was dealing with to drink. I kept my head down and just passed her by as she ordered, “More daffodils! No, wait, I think Twilight likes daisies more. Yup! Get me a dozen tulips!” If she had any of her apparent sister in her, I really did not want to deal with her without a deity in my corner to back me.
“Wait!” she called and I stopped nervously. I just gave a little glace over my shoulder, hoping that I was not recognized. Luckily enough, the pink one was just standing at the cart, rubbing her chin as if she were weighing the most deadly of decisions before her. “Should I go with roses or even more daisies, Mister?”
I blinked twice. I really had no opinion on the matter, nor did I want to give the mare any reason to turn around. “Why not both?” I offered.
“Both? Both! I'll have both! Well, I won't have both because they aren't for me, but they look super yummy anyways! Twilight will love them! Why didn't I think of having both together? Thanks!” she chimed back to me without even looking as she was focused on helping the poor florist create the greatest of floral arrangements that a pony has ever seen. I just kept walking.
When I arrived at the bakery, the bell rang just as merrily as the first time I walked through the door. “Good day, eh?” I greeted with a wave and my best friendly smile I could manage to offer the Cakes.
“Oh! Deary me! I didn't expect you back so soon! Especially with the Princess in town now!” Mrs. Cake returned as she pulled herself from the flour and dough of her own work.
“Unless she's about to come here and fix your kitchen, I do not see how that makes a difference to the job at ha-hoof here,” I said from the customer side of the counter. “Speaking of, can your husband show me around back to the work?”
“Oh! My husband took the foals to see Princess Celestia for the first time. The little cuties were so excited, deary. I would be there too, but someone has to tend the store,” she replied as she turned back to her work. “Just let yourself around and you'll see what you need to do.”
I took up the offer and went around back. Now, I will not bore you with all the details of putting in an exhaust fan, but I will tell you that it went well enough. The work went slow at first as I learned the limits of my new form. I was not as tall as I was, so getting to the ceiling was tricky, but with the careful stacking of a few buckets, I was able to reach it. The lack of fingers was harder to cope with than I hoped for, but it was still easier as I dreaded. What made up for it was a couple of things. First, I still could hold onto a lot of my tools, abet with limited motion. Using tin snips with two hooves was a learning curve I do not want to repeat. Secondly, I was much stronger as a pony as I ever was a human, and kicking out an old run of pipe with one blow was remarkably satisfying. Finally, a hoof makes a dandy hammer. I am sure you can figure out how that worked.
What was interesting was discovered halfway through the day, just after I stopped for a quick lunch. Mrs. Cake provided that, and would not let me speak of paying her back for what I ate in any way. “We can't have a workpony hungry on the job, can we, deary?” was the counter-argument to any and all protests I could offer her. It was amazing the difference a little anonymity has made for me, so in the end, I thanked her and enjoyed the freshly made goods she offered me.
While getting my tools ready for the afternoon of work I needed to do, I saw a free outlet in the wall. It was just like one you would see back home. Even on earth we did not have standardized plugs across the globe, but here I was, looking at a normal three prong plug. I glanced at my drill, and the battery charger that went with it.
“There's no way that this is going to work,” I told myself. It would be ludicrously long odds involved in finding a place to plug my tools and electronics into on any place other than earth. But then again, I just rigged up a fan and all the wiring looked about the same. The similarities between here and home were getting hard to ignore, so I decided to try it. The worst case scenario was the battery got burned, but I only had a few working days of charge anyways, and they would be useless then too. What's the worst that could happen? Second thought, do not answer that.
I gathered up the charger, brought it over, and after a final consideration of what I was going to try, just plugged it in. The reward for the experiment came quickly and the little green “Charging” light lit up on the device. I had to blink hard at what I was seeing before I was laughing at the absurdity of what just happened. Of course, I was taking this as the first of a many part apology that the universe owed me for stranding me as a pony away from home. At least, it was going to let me use my tools still.
The rest of the job went smoothly as I was no longer afraid of wearing down my charges and before long, I was cleaning up the dust the work knocked down.
“Honey, we're back!” called a familiar stallion. I guess the Royal visit was over by now, and the princess has gone about her way. She must not of been in a rush to see me like Luna said. I was quite alright with that.
“We really are!” echoed another mare with a familiar voice.
“There you are, dearies!” Mrs. Cake called back to her family from where ever she was in the store. From the back, I could hear them all quite well, and felt no need to get involved in the greetings. “I hope you had a good day. It has been so very quiet here today, but that gave Scriber time to finish the job in no time.”
“There's a new pony?! I have been neglecting my welcome duties because of Twilight, but since the princess said she just needs time, I think I need to get back in the swing of things!” the other voice cried over the others with boundless energy. The outburst was followed by a laugh from both of the cakes.
“That's Pinkie,” Mr. Cake stated mirthfully before the two started talking so I could not overhear them. It was not like I was trying to though. All I really just wanted to do was finish the work, get paid and get out of their hair. With that in mind, I kept sweeping the dust to a neat little pile. I was just about to start sweeping the pile into a carefully balanced dust pan when the back door into the kitchen burst right open, blowing the it away.
“Welcome to Ponyville, Scriber!” declared that pink mare from this morning as she dashed in, with a ridiculously festive cart in her tow. “I am Pinkie Pie and-” Her eyes met mine and went wide. Her mouth was stuck mid sentence while I just furrowed my brow and offered a hoof to the mare.
The silence was getting uncomfortable so I spoke up. “Hello Pinkie Pie. I think I met your sister, Pinkamena last night. I just wish it was under better circumstances.”
There as the sound of something deflating and instantly the vibrantly pink mare looked dull, sullen and grey with her mane going from the wild tangle of cotton candy to a simple flat cut. That cannot be good. “I cannot believe I nearly got TRICKED into giving you a welcome!” she coldly returned, “What are you doing here?”
“My job,” I replied nervously as I was being reminded how dangerous a mare can look first hoof. “Just about done too. No need to worry about me, alright. Not looking to cause a fight at all.”
She kicked off the cart, and it sailed flawlessly out the door as if she had practised the shot a hundred times, then approached me. “Alrightie, Scriber McMeanie,” she said, “But I have my eye on you, so don't try anything funny. Not even if it is like, super-fantastically actually funny.” An eye should not flex to point out like a dagger, no matter how momentarily it happens. Actually, scratch that. An eye should not flex, period. Now that I have seen it, I can state with confidence that it is very creepy.
“Deal,” I replied, before I went to just to pick up my tools. Every motion was inspected and carefully considered by the pink-grey mare, and every time I looked up, it seemed she inched a little closer to me, though I never once saw her move. I am sure the Cakes could handle the sweeping at this point and I was not about to stand here to with Pinkamena looking at me like that. She seemed rather happy with that, though she was never more than a few steps behind me, watching me intently for any signs of deception as I went to Mr. Cake.
“You're done! How did it go?” he asked me, looking much more cheerful than the mare just behind me.
“Well, you're hooked in and its ready to go. Just flick the new switch, and it should help out,” I replied, “If it doesn't, get in touch with me and I'll fix it up.” The offer to help further was met my Pinkamena clearing her throat behind me. I disregarded it, and offered a hoof to the stallion. “You're a good guy to work for. You're good bakers too, if that lunch is any sort of example.”
“Well, we try our best,” he answered with pride, and he pushed a little sack that jangled invitingly towards me, “This should cover you for the work. And if you're this quick every time, we might hire you again for when we expand the kitchen next year.”
“What!?” the mare behind me shrilly protested. “Oooooh, no no no no no times infinity plus ten! He can't come back! He's totally mean and stuff!”
Mr. Cake was taken aback at that, and looked between both myself and her. “I don't know what you're talking about Pinkie. He's been good and honest with us. You might be thinking of another pony,” he said in my defence, and I sighed softly in relief as I quietly took my payment into my work bag.
“Thank you for saying so. Means a lot to hear that, and if you do need a little more work, I will be around for a couple months so just keep an eye out for me,” I replied as I closed up my bag, “Now, in interest in maintaining the peace, I should get going.”
“Yeah! You should get going! Forever!”
“Pinkie!” the yellow stallion scolded before he looked to me sheepishly, “I am sorry. She's never like this. I have no idea what got into her, Scriber.”
“It's alright. Really. Just might be one of those days,” I replied, “See you when I need to top up my breakfast supplies, eh?” I made for the door quickly after that, but I still heard Pinkamena and Mr. Cake arguing behind me as I went. I wonder if Godwin's Law applied to pony arguements as well. I was not about to stick around to find out though. Once outside, I looked around and the town did look busier with the milling of ponies back and forth.
“Now what...”
Then I had a thought on how to pass the time and prove to myself a pet theory I had about all civilization, no matter where you would find it. I think it was Socrates that said, that all cities would have religion. As the gods of this world seemed to be a little more tangible, I wanted to know if all settlements would have a place to relax and imbibe. With a pouch full of bits, no place to be, no pony to talk to and nothing but time on my hooves, I decided to look to find out if this town had a tavern.
Back home, I had spent some time trucking for a lumber yard. It was not long haul or anything so grandiose as that but it was good, honest work that made me very familiar of a good section of my home province. I can still navigate the gravel roads with the best of them, just using an odometer and the sun, but what I was applying here was a simple rule. When enough humans get together in a town, the first thing they seem to build is a bar. Sure, they might call it a hotel or a restaurant but as soon as you have ten or more people living in an area, they get together and put together a place where they can drink, swap stories, tell lies and play games of chance. I always thought it was healthy to have a place where one could kick up their feet and simply let troubles and woes get washed away by a little beer and good company.
The ponies of this world agreed with that sentiment and after asking a few passing ponies, I was given directions to an old, red brickwork building that was a stone's throw away from the town's centre. Time had not been overly kind to “The Shady Glade” and it was easy to see where the elements took their toll on it. The bricks were stained by years of water running over them, and the white paint on the wooden sign baring the tavern's name was peeling to reveal greying wood beneath. It even had a stereotypical placard fading by the door, declaring that “The Master of the Guitar – Luke Vox” preformed every weekend, complete with a picture of an old grey stallion playing on stage. I simultaneously thought the pony had a chance against the likes of Michael Romeo back home, and the play on words was terrible. Luke Vox and Jukebox. Really? But, for all its shortcomings, it was a welcoming sight to a weary traveller or a work pony that needed to take a load off, and right now, I had more than enough on my mind to need that service so I was not about to let some peeling paint stop me from entering.
I was not expecting much from the place. If it had a table that I could dust off the grime, something that was at least ten percent alcohol to drink and a barkeep that knew when a good tipper was near, I would be set until I wandered back to the truck in a content stupor. What I got was very much a pleasant surprise, because the care and pride placed on the inside was a far cry from the outside. The dark oaks of the bar and the tables were immaculately shined with a great lot of attention payed to the detail work of the designs laid in them, the smell of the place was not the reek of stale alcohol but rather a subtle scent that suggested an active kitchen in the back, and there was not a single unoccupied table that was not busked and ready for the next costumer. There was even a friendly nod and a smile from the dark green unicorn with a purple mane that was tried into a short ponytail who was manning the bar. Everything about him and his work seemed to be prim and proper, including the dark vest and white dress-shirt he had on. “Hello there! You're not quite the first here tonight, but please do come in,” was the accented greeting, though I could drive myself mad on actually placing it. My first guess would be that it sounded vaguely eastern European, but the impossibility of that being true was a stumbling block, so I did not dwell on it.
“That is what I intended to do, thank you.” I returned casually as I walked to the bar proper and quickly noticed the lack of stools and chairs around the place. Benches stood in their place, and I supposed that made sense for a place where the clients walked on all fours. Also, very few of the benches were actually occupied. At one table, there was a couple of older ponies, talking to each other in what was likely an ever escalating story that only ended in scope and scale when one called the other a liar, at which point the game started anew. “I don't know. That looks like a wild crowd.”
“You should be here on a Saturday then. There is usually a big turn out for Mr. Vox,” he said as his aura worked a cloth over a glass until it was made to shine. “Either way, you're a little ahead of the rush for seating tonight. Even with just an open stage, I am proud to serve any and all that make their way to the Glade.”
Great. It was karaoke night in Ponyville's only bar, but at least there were other things that would keep my attention too. A dart board adorned one wall, and pool table sat, ready to use. There even was a card table and a slot machine to that side. I finally decided this place was a mix of a western saloon and a English pub. Even with a pony warbling on stage, I could tolerate it. “What's good on tap, and how much?” I enquired as I opened my tool bag up to retrieve the coinage I was paid earlier in the day.
“We have Sweet Apple Acre's Hard Cider as the local drink of choice, and it is three bits a mug,” he replied proudly. I guess he had no idea how little that meant to me. At that moment, a drink was worth worth a lot to me and that was motivation enough to brave the unfamiliar ground. My mouth dipped into the tool bag (and I immediately resolved to clean the inside of it) to pull the small sack with that payment I was given. Without too much more thought, I gave it a shake out, dumping out at least fifteen of the coins and my eyes went wide. Until now, I had not given much attention to the Equestrian coinage as years with paper-money had trained me to simply not care about little metal disks, but these 'bits' were chunks of gold! Even if they were alloyed, each would have to be at least an ounce of the precious metal, and took three of them to buy a single drink! Obviously, my value system would have to make a rather sharp adjustment.
“Excuse me. Everything alright?” the unicorn asked, seeing my shocked and slightly horrified expression.
“Uh. Yeah. Just fine. Tell me when that runs out and I'll top it up again,” I stammered back quickly as I tried to recompose myself, and he nodded and gathered the currency up in his green aura and went to pour. With the bartender looking away, I glanced in my bag and saw a treasure trove that was worth more than a year's salary back home. If it was at all possible, this bag going to come home with me. The clack of a full mug filled with frothy, amber liquid being set down in front of me returned my attention back to the present. It was time to have the most expensive drink I ever had.
“So, you are new in town, yes?” the bartender asked just as I lowered my head to catch the lip of the glass in my mouth so I might carry it to a table.
“You can say that,” I replied, then went to get the drink again, only to be interrupted again.
“Oh, then you must of had the Ponyville welcome laid on you already,” he joked as his magic picked up a new glass to lavish his attentions on. “You have to forgive Pinkie Pie, but she really is a good one.”
This time I beat him to the punch and already had a firm grip of the mug in my mouth, and he had to make do with a simple nod for an answer. I really did not want to talk about a mare that had it out for me. He seemed content with that returned to his preparations for the night. I did the same by moving myself to a corner table where I sloughed the work bag and set down the mug on the table. The loop on it was wide enough for a hoof, and I was quite happy to hook one through it and it all felt quite natural and familiar to me all at once. I was, for an instant, waiting for my friends to join me at the bar, where we'd talk about anything and everything that struck our fancy, bad mouth the reffing during the latest game, and pay far too much for bad hot wings. I sipped the drink and the taste of a good stout was not in my mouth, and I was dropped back into the foreign place all at once. It did not matter how good the cider was even. There were no friends that were going to come to join me here in idle chatter. I was alone tonight and no matter how much I drank, or how long I waited, that would not change. On that note, I lifted the glass and toasted to no one.
“To the first day of the rest of my life.” I then drank the mug down quickly.
“I take it you like it,” the barkeep called over to me as soon as he saw the empty mug hit the table. I did not dislike it. It was alcohol. “Should I put some hay fries on to go with the next glass? They go well together.”
As if I needed another reminder that I was here. Hay fries? I have no idea what those would even look like, let alone how they would taste, so I shrugged. “Sure. I'll take a plate.” The turn around time on such an order is surprisingly quick because I did not even get time to really wallow in the emotional pit I fell into before the bartender trotted up to my table, setting a fresh mug and the hot plate down filled with what looked to be vaguely greenish french fries.
“Your order,” he said with pride as he presented it.
“If you keep up the service like this, you might have a regular on your hooves,” I replied as I possessively hooked the drink towards me with a hoof. “I'm Scriber, by the way.” The name felt far too natural for my liking. It was just another foreign thing that has wormed uncomfortably close to me in such a short time.
“And I am Merlot, and would love to have another regular in my tavern,” he said, complete with a deep bow. He was trying hard to earn his tip. “Though you do look a bit sad. May I ask why?”
Without any other customers vying for attention, seems he could focus on me. “I rather not talk about it,” came my answer. I considered lying briefly, but I really was not up to that either.
“Well, I hope you enjoy your stay here, yes. Even if you are upset about it, this is a very good place for a good pony. Maybe I can help you settle in, if you want.”
Right now, I really did not want 'help' from Merlot other than a perpetually-filled mug, but I lifted my gaze over lazily to him anyways. “Like how?”
“There are ponies that like coming in here to play cards,” he answered as he glanced to the card table as if to show it to me. My gaze follows his. “It is a good way to meet a few ponies from around town and enjoy yourself. Should I introduce you to them when they get in?”
I was ready to turn down him down without consideration, but he brought up my Achilles heel. I have been a gamer a long time. I have been known to hit a card table with strangers when I was on the road, or go to a convention, only to disappear into the gaming room until the convention was finished. If there was to be one thing more effective than alcohol at distracting me, it would be a good game. He must of seen me perk up as I recalled fond memories.
“I'll make sure you get in at the table, then. But for now, relax and enjoy your fries,” Merlot said, then turned to go back to his work at the bar. Somepony was working hard to get a hefty tip, and I was not about to begrudge him that. And besides, it was a good idea. I was looking at three months here, so I should try to meet other ponies and a game might lighten my mood. Especially if I won. I might even stand a chance of that if the game was close to something I would recognize. After thinking about joining in for a few rounds of cards, I found myself looking forward to meeting the competition and planing strategy in my head. I was not a professional, but I was no slouch with a deck of cards back home and would rarely fail to break even at the table. Of course, there was the niggling little doubt that the game might be entirely different. If that was the case, I would simply have to learn.
Time was measured by mugs and before my third mug was done, other ponies started filing into the tavern. The din of voices sharing the day's events and sharing ideas was pleasant. Even with the clips and clops of hooves on the ground, the place sounded like home, complete with an amateur singer taking the stage. It was about then that Merlot returned to my table, replacing my drink. “They are here, if you still want to be joining them,” he announced.
“I think I am up for it still, unless I keep at the cider like this,” I replied with a bit of a smirk.
The expression of mirth was returned quickly. “Nonsense. The cider will just help you relax,” he stated with confidence before he motioned me to follow him. I stood and let him lead me to a table with the for players sitting down already, each with a little coin in front of them as their buy in. Once again, I was taken back by the casual use of gold in this world, but at least this time I was not reduced to a shocked gape at the currency.
“Lyra, Thunderlane, Bon-Bon and Big Mac,” Merlot said, nodding to each pony in time to their name being said, “This is Scriber. He is new here, and wants to play.”
I nodded slightly to the group. “Hello.” I was never good at introductions. Either way, they all looked between each other, as if silently conferring on the issue.
The charcoal grey pegasus stallion spoke up first for the group. “Welcome to the table. Sit down and we will deal you in,” he welcomed without further consideration.
“As long as you have the bits,” added the green unicorn mare with a white stripe in her mane. I think her name was Lyra, and she was regarding me a touch more closely than the others.
“Lyra! Don't be so harsh. This is a friendly game,” the off-white mare with a blue and pink mane chided. At least that cleared everything up for me. That would be Bon-Bon, leaving the big red stallion wearing the yoke as Big Mac. The name fit as he was the first pony I really could meet eye to eye with.
“Yeeeup,” was the entirety of his contribution to the introductions, but he was the outstanding vote, and with it cast, I was unanimously accepted to the table. I was quick to pull up the bench, settle in and put the coinage on the table, which was exchanged for chips. And the game was off.
It was familiar and anything familiar was good. The conversations over the shuffling of cards were friendly chats about how the day went for the other four, and when the questions came around to me, I tried to be honest as I could be without revealing too much. Besides, today really was not a bad day, all things considered. I only came to that conclusion when Lyra asked me point blank, “Well, Scriber, what did you do today? Get settled into town?”
“Well, more or less started to do that. I am not sure if I will ever really settle here, but I got a job done for the Cake's and that got me a much needed pay-day,” I replied before adding, “And I think I am in line for another one. I raise ten.” I pushed the chip in, and instantly saw the reactions around the table. I was struggling to hold a poker face as I was sitting with only a pair of fives, but their eyes were so expressive! Ears perked, wings spread and tails flicked and each was a billboard of what the pony was thinking. Seriously, they were all just open books, making me wonder how good my face was.
“Can't do anything with these. I fold,” Thunder spat as he pushed his cards away, (Now that I think of it, how was I holding them this well. Never mind). He could not be that upset though, because as the other three at the table followed his example, he asked, “What is it you do?”
I really did not expect it to be that easy to spook them either, or maybe they simply believed me entirely. “Oh. I do metal work. Mostly air supplies, but if you need a worker to build something, I know a smattering about it,” I replied as I scooped the small pot my way.
“Maybe you can use a pony like him at your barn, there Mac,” Lyra added in as she already picked the cards up in her magic and shuffled them expertly as it was much faster than waiting on a hoof-shuffle which was nothing more than Fifty-Two Pick-Up with a little more organization.
“Maybe,” was his reply as I noted him watching me carefully, and I just kept the stone face going. Seemed like the stallion was trying to size me up.
“He does that blank face thing better than you, Mac,” Bon-Bon said with a grin as she picked up her cards and immediately tossed a few chips into the pot, “Maybe it's just a thing that big ponies do.”
“Nope,” came his reply as he looked at his cards and threw in his own raise into the mix. He looked too confident in that. I followed by tossing in my cards in instead, much to his annoyance. I did smile smugly his way though.
“Must be something there,” I added then leaned back to enjoy a sip and the company, “So, what is it you guys do?”
“Well, I am a musician,” Lyra said, touching her chest with a hoof. It was about then I noticed she was sitting upright. If my own experience in the matter carried any weight, I knew that could not be comfortable. “With the lyre, of course.”
The conversation followed around the play, and Bon-Bon answered, “I am a confectioner. If you buy candy here, likely I had a hoof in making it.” That did not sound that appealing a tag-line to me but I let it slide, “And the big quiet guy is an apple farmer. You're drinking his cider right now.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really? Thank you, Big Mac for making such a nice drink,” I put in, “Too bad, by the time this game is done, I'll be drinking for free, eh?” He glanced my way, and did not appreciate the friendly jab even as he took up the pot. Everypony folded to him.
“Don't worry about it, Mac. You can stand to lose a game once in a while,” Thunderlane added with a chuckle, “Builds character. And I am a thunder and lightening specialist, Scriber. Work on the weather team is good if you can get it, and my job has the biggest bang to it.” I was beginning to think that pegasi were naturally boastful creatures, but his job did certainly sound interesting enough to make conversation around the table easy.
Hands came and went and I learned a few things as the night progressed. For example, ponies seemed to be naturally honest and trusting individuals. While I admired the spirit of such a thing, at a card table, it was a liability. Seriously, I felt like I was taking advantage of the ponies, but that did not mean I would not take their money too. A game is a game after all. It did make my think of the virtues of my native species though, if we were naturally so good at spotting falsehoods. I did not dwell long on that.
In conversation, I learned more about the ponies at the table. Apparently, ponies were magical terraformers who, in addition to having rulers that could control the day-night cycle, could manipulate the weather. Thunderlane, being the affable pony he was, would go into detail of his work at the slight provocation or interest into it. If I was not focusing on the game, and my growing stack of chips, I would have happily mused on the value that could provide back home. In addition, Lyra explained she sat up so she could practice the posture she'd hold while playing. If she could rest the lyre close in her lap to play, it would make the magical effort easier. I took her word for it. And, after I mentioned I added a fan to the Cake's kitchen, Bon-Bon wanted me to give an estimate to do the same with her little shop. The only one that was not joining in the banter was Big Mac. Instead, he was taking runs at me ever since I first teased him about it at the first hand. Every time he thought I had something, he would try and bluff me and every time his tail and ears would twitch nervously ever so slightly. I am not sure why the other ponies did not see it, but as far as BM I was implacable. If only he could see his face when he was the first out.
“Tough break,” Lyra said as she gathered up the cards, “Who knew Scriber was not bluffing that time?”
Big Mac looked at me hard and narrowed his eyes as if he were trying to inspect something he did not much care for. “You been playin' us fer rubes,” he finally said, much to the shock of everypony at the table I was simply surprised to hear him speak so much at once. “Yer some slick city type that hustles us small town ponies.”
“Hey. BM. You might want to take it easy. It is just a game. No need to make it personal,” interjected Lyra with concern in her voice. “He played a good game and had the cards to back it up.”
“Nope. Deal me back in. I am goin' to bring mah real game,” he said with conviction in his voice and fire in his eyes. He had something to prove to me, though I really did not want to see any bad blood develop.
“We can play another night, eh?” I tried but the stallion snorted and stood his ground, waiting for the next hand.
Eyes wandered the table back and forth before Bon-Bon piped in, “Well, you have to buy in again.” Her voice was very faint, as if she was worried to upset the big stallion.
Thunderlane added, “Those are the rules. Have the bits to back up the attitude?”
That stymied Big Mac and he ran a hoof under his yoke where he kept his coin pouch. There was a distinct lack of jangling from the little bag and that seemed to be that. Then he pulled off his yoke entirely and set it down. “Nope, but I have this here. You ponies good with that?”
He really wanted that rematch right now, and I finally shrugged. “I am good with it. It's just collateral for bits later. You guys?” They all gave half-hearted nods as they all saw a potential grudge developing at the friendly table. Either way, Lyra piled the new stack of chips in front of him, and followed it with the next deal. Things went pretty much as I expected after I made a couple little raises just to see what happened, then some big red pony threw a wrench into the works.
“All in,” Big Mac declared sharply and much to the surprise to the rest of the table.
“Jeeze, Mac,” Thunderlane muttered with a shake of his head, but I was not looking his way, but rather straight at the cold-faced Big Mac. He was definitely stepping up to the challenge he set out for himself. I glanced at my cards, and back to his face, then gave a casual shrug.
“I'll pay to see what you have.”
He smiled at me as predatory as a pony can get and laid out his cards. He had a straight to a princess (Apparently, instead of aces, that is what they had here). I even whistled appreciatively.
“And all I have is random number cards,” I replied as I tossed them on the table, and that big draft hoof reached out to scoop up the winnings when I added, “But does it matter when they are all the same suit?” Once again, I grinned smugly. “I don't always bluff.”
He did not seem to know what to do about that, and he just got up, and stamped away from the table, leaving behind the yoke. I really did not have a use for such a thing. I just wanted to be a friendly guy and let him stick around in the game longer, and I really did not expect him to leave the table like that. And judging from the rest of the expression at the table, neither did the others. No pony spoke as we all watched him leave out the door in a hurry.
I broke the silence first and with my head held low. “Sorry guys. I think I just killed the mood,” I admitted glumly. It was not the first time I have seen a player 'rage-quit' a game, but I wanted to make a good impression here on the others. Chasing off of their friend was bound to leave a sour taste in their mouths.
“Don't worry. We can call it here. You have played a lot though, haven't you?” Lyra asked as she gathered up the cards, and began to exchange out the chips for bits with that lime-green aura of hers. She was right, but before I could answer, another pony spoke up.
“I bet he has. Seriously, he has that blank stare thing,” Thunderlane praised, “You have to teach me how to do it. Big Mac does not let us leave with bits too often.”
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind learning how to do it either," added Bon-Bon as she sat up a little higher at the table and leaned in with interest.
“Well, let me buy you guys a drink, and I can try and show you how it's done,” I answered. I still had no idea what I was going to do with a yoke, but as for the bits, I had plans that involved paying Merlot back for introducing me to the table. The night was young and I had winnings to squander.
The sun was on time today, but no more forgiving than yesterday for its incidental murder of any chance of me resting well. My mind tried, convicted and slated the sun for execution for the crime as soon as I cracked one eye to look at how bright it was. It ignored the conviction and continued on with its duties. It was the worst possible weather for such a feeling; Bright and sunny. I winced and closed them tight once more to hopefully leave me in darkness once more. None of the light helped with the absolutely devastating headache that repetitively announced itself as I forced myself to sprawl in a slightly more dignified manner. That, coupled with a stomach that was filing protests about what it was forced to endure last night, meant I had a pretty good night.
“Mental note,” I barely croaked to myself, “Do not try and keep up with Thunderlane. He will drink you under the table and finish off what you didn't get to.”
“You're alive in there.”
I opened an eye and there, on my hood, was Cuffs looking at me in the same way a cat might look at an injured rat. “Welcome to my humble abode,” I replied as I fumbled to roll down a window with one squinted eye open. A little breeze would be nice right now, even if there was somepony I would rather not see just outside. “So, how did you find my truck?”
He walked casually on the front of my truck so he might see me through the cracks on my windshield. “Oh, a bright red thing all by itself, just outside of town is not hard for a pegasus to find with a fly over or two.” I did not have a reply to that, so I just stayed quiet, watching him. “So, you had a good night,” he said with more volume than he needed to. It made my ears lay right flat against my head. It was an off-putting feeling for one who's ears were quite stationary two days ago and a nice garnish to the hangover I was going through.
“Yeah. And paying for it now,” I muttered as I hoped the red pegasus would just go away and leave me with the splitting throb in my head. No such luck as he heavily walked over the hood of my truck. I wonder how the insurance would take the hoof-shaped dents. The second thing that crossed my mind was how to best get vengeance for each clang as he went. At least he had the decency to flutter down to the ground after he crossed the truck rather than continually damage the battered truck. Now, he stood by the door with the opened window.
“Hmm, yes. Yes, you are,” he replied, making sure he projected his words enough to make my throbbing temples hurt more. “First night here, and you're already drinking and gambling. Not a good sign, Kerry.”
The name sounded foreign to me. Why did it sound like he was talking about someone else with that name? It was my name! And why did this place always drop bombshells when I was the least capable to deal with them? I had a very annoying cop to deal with first, and the mother of all hangovers. “You must have a lot of free time to spy on me like that.”
He chuckled in actual amusement. “You arrive into town and the first thing you do is hurt a good pony, then wonder why I am watching you? Especially when the pony is Twilight Sparkle? Let's just say you jumped the queue and made yourself a pony of interest.”
To be honest, he was right and I could understand why he felt that way, but just because I understood did not mean I had to like it. “So, since you are watching my every move, tell me, is drinking or gambling illegal?”
“No. They aren't,” he returned as he lifted to his rear hooves and put his head through the open window. Maybe just to see my miserable state or just to snoop around. I did not really like either of the options and I was most definitely not liking him either. So, I pushed up on the window toggle, cutting him off literally and figuratively.
“Well, when they do become illegal, be sure to let me know, eh?” I snorted. Pain. Snorting is not something to do when you are hungover. The window closed entirely, sealing myself away in the protective shell of glass and steel that was the broken truck. I did glance at Cuffs quickly though and saw him looking at me, utterly flabbergasted as if he has never been on the receiving end of a brush off before. With that matter taken care of, I laid myself down once more and closed my eyes, when the truck rang out with a slam of hooves on the side. That got my attentions enough to sit up again. Maybe I should not of sat up that quickly because my stomach lurched too. Now, I had two things that would leave a bad taste in my mouth to deal with.
“I am not finished with you!” he spat spitefully through the glass, “Now open up!”
Without a word, my hoof worked the handle, pushing the door open wide and I stepped out and past the officer with as much dignity I could muster while looking for the bush that reminded me of him the most. There was not one, but there was one that was closest and that would have to do. I dipped my head into the foliage and my stomach rejected the remains of whatever I had last. Between the heavy clutches of my stomach, I choked, “You're a prick.”
He scoffed at me. “So are you,” he returned. I imagined he rather liked the suffering I was in with my head dipped into the bushes.
“N-no,” I forced myself to say as I spat to try and clear my palette. It was not successful but at least it summed up my emotional state very well. “I am hung-over. In about three hours, I will be better. What about you on your end?”
“I have yet to see you better, “Scriber”,” he coldly countered, before spreading his wings out. “Maybe, you'll surprise me, but I doubt it. I will be watching you. Don't forget that.” He took off after that, leaving me in much sought after solitude. I will have to thank whatever power was responsible for making him leave before I really did give him a reason to arrest me. And, right now, I wished that I at least kept one finger so I could show my appreciation for the chat. Hoof-waving did not have the same catharsis.
The silence did me more favours than Cuff's aggression and now my stomach was too empty to be causing more distress, so I took stock of the situation. Back home, feeling like this would call for a breakfast at the nearest greasy spoon, but I doubted sausage and eggs were available anywhere around here. To top it off, even in this state, the idea of meat just seemed wrong to me. Maybe I will have to find the nearest place to get the pony equivalents of Aspirin and Tums before I braved a meal.
While I thought about what I was going to eat, I found my bag, my wallet and the yoke in a heap at the back of the truck. I was still up cash despite my efforts last night to drink the winnings away. At least that was some good news.
“Alright,” I said to myself to help me work out my thoughts, “The plan for the day is get some pills, find something to eat, read up on this place. That means finding some back issues of the paper and maybe a book or two and if I have time, I have get a water cooler or something here. And a coffee pot. And some groceries. And measure up Bon-Bon's kitchen for a fan.” I looked at the pile of parts, ducting and metal I had in the back of my truck yet. “And figure out where I can order more material. While at it, try and find a proper tool saddle bag thing.” That felt odd to say, but my belt utterly failed in its task when I did the job for the Cake's and spent the day in a heap on the ground. For a day with a rough beginning, it was getting really full, really fast. After I emptied out the bag to just the cash and a tape measure, I started out down my little path to the town.
The walk was actually enjoyable, even with the hangover constantly reminding itself of its presence. The sun was bright, the breeze was warm, and all the wild-life was going about their business without a worry for my passing. If I had more time and felt better, I would of let myself relax in the idyllic place. Once I arrived at Ponyville's skirt, I set my course for the hospital. That was the only place I knew of to get the medications I wanted so very much right now. Even weaving through the carts and stands of the market was not too bad at the town's centre was nothing too horrible, though the occasional cries to announce a two for one special and the like were a bit much to tolerate right now. When I was up to it, I would have to return through here for a bite, but I could see that white building that promised salvation already. I made my way inside, brushing past a few ponies as I went, to see that a familiar nurse was at the front desk.
“Oh, you are back? Here again to check on Twilight?” she asked as she flipped through the paperwork with impressive dexterity.
“Not today,” I replied as I checked for a name tag on the white mare. There was not one, but there was a convenient placard on the desk with “Nurse Redheart”. I thought that was her name. With everything else that has been happening, it had nearly slipped my mind. “But how is she doing? Better?”
“Well, she isn't any worse than when she first came in here,” she answered as she kept up with the work without even looking in my way, “She just isn't out of the woods yet. The accident she went through really did a number on her.”
“I know. I was there,” I responded emptily. I really hated being reminded of the crash, and just thinking of it made my head hurt all the more.
“Thought so, from how Pinkie called you out like that,” she said as she pulled the desired paper and turned to me. “Now, if you're not here to see Twilight, what can I do for you?”
“I need a pharmacy and didn't know where else to go for it.”
“Go down this hall, second right, you'll see the sign,” she answered and I went to walk away before a thought occurred to me.
“Just one more thing, Redheart. Can you make sure Twilight knows that I need to speak with her when she is ready? I am Scriber and I really do need to talk with her at some point,” I asked hopefully.
She was quick to made a note on a new piece of paper and tucked it into her pile. “I'll see what I can do. You have a good day then.” She seemed like a busy mare so I left her to her work.
Her directions were spot on too, and it was not long before I was heading out again with a couple of little brown paper sacks in my bag. Much to my dismay, while ponies did have access to some rather advanced medical technology, they did not have simple pills but rather leaves and barks that had to be chewed, eaten or steeped as a tea. I resigned myself to having to add a teapot to the shopping I would do later today. At least I would feel miserable and hungry until then. As for the third thing on my itinerary, it was a simple act of asking a passing pony to be directed towards the public library. If there was anything I have liked about this whole situation is that pretty much everypony was kind, polite and willing to answer a quick question. I found the hollowed out tree in short order and was walking inside of it.
The place was simple and every wall was lined with books and shelves that stood, waiting for more books, and that was not unexpected. What did catch me off guard was the lived in feel of the place. There were even a ladder leading up to a second floor where it looked much more like a home, complete with a bed. I guess the library pulled double duty as a home. I did not have much interest in the second floor then, but what the first floor could offer me.
The smell of a library was always something I have loved as much as the books themselves. There was simply something enchanting about the shelves filled with the works of so many around and I knew these all were something that I would never have seen before. It was enough to make me forget about the nagging hangover that was still poking at me while I began looking through the shelves for anything that might help me understand this place.
“Is somepony there?” called a young male voice from the second floor.
“Yes? Are you the librarian?” I returned, then recalled who actually did hold that position. Hopefully the pony that was calling was not close to Twilight or this could get awkward as soon as I said the wrong thing. “Or at least, her temporary replacement?”
A purple scaled lizard looked over the edge at me then nodded. “I am her Number One Assistant, and filling in for her for now,” he said. By now, I think I was getting better at hiding my surprised expressions. Or at least just limiting them to a raised eyebrow. Either way, I have stopped being surprised at what this place was throwing my way.
“Oh. That's good. If it is alright, I just want to get some reference material and lay low for a bit. I am not exactly at my best today.”
“That is just fine. I'm just waiting for some company to come by. Make yourself at home, Mister.”
With the lizard's blessing, I started going through the titles on the shelves and pulling anything that seemed helpful to me. Titles like Ink Swirl's Equestria's Modern History, Life Well's Complete Biology of Common Equestrian Creatures and Polyscie's The Equestrian Court: A User's Guide were three of many that I stacked up on the table. I had no hope of going through them all, but it would be a start for me. All the while, I was chewing on a piece of some rather awful tasting bark to try and numb my headache just a touch.
“Are you taking a run at Twilight's record?”
The disruption got my attention from the subject of modern history and I looked up to that little purple lizard again. “Pardon?”
“You have a pretty big pile of reading there. I don't think even Twilight could go through them all in one day,” he explained as he climbed down to the main floor. He was not a big thing and had odd proportions in his limbs and a large, round head. All in all, he reminded me of a child. Also, he looked tired as if he had not slept well in a couple of days, and he was just doing his best to power through it.
“Oh. Thanks, I guess. I am not going to try and get this all in one day, but there is a few things I need to know more on. Don't let me bother you.”
He gave a shrug. “If you need help, I will be around.”
I went back to my reading, and the lizard went about his cleaning and maintenance of the library from reshelving books to small repair jobs. If nothing else, I could say that the little guy was dedicated because he did not stop, but rather, went from one job to the next, and when everything seemed done, he just found more to do. While he was productive with his little claws, I was skimming a chapter on how the Elements of Harmony were used twice in the last two years to defeat Nightmare Moon, and Discord. Those two were two god-level threats to the well-being of the nation and possibly the world. Interesting stuff, really. It was like reading a fantasy but this actually happened in this world. Then the next two pages were a large illustration of six mares in fanciful jewelry, book-ended by the two princesses with the heading, “The Elements of Harmony and the Rulers of Equestria”. I knew several of the mares featured here already. It seemed this world was set on constantly reminding me of what had happened. Just the thought of it all made me groan, and I put my hooves to my temples to try and massage the reinvigorated throbbing away. At least not all of them knew who I was. Yet. And hooves make for a terrible massage.
“Where are you, Spike?” came a sweet and dignified voice from the door, and I looked to see that one of the mares from the book was there. The Element of Generosity, Rarity, with her pristine white coat and a violet mane. Fate was taunting me now. “I brought some lunch for my favourite dragon.”
I ducked my head under the wall of books I made and just tried to keep a low profile. This is a public library after all. Who would care about a random pony reading in it? And, my mind did not twig at all at the thought of dragons being here too. It's like the rational part of my brain long since thrown in the towel and left me to my own devices.
“I hope it's sapphires,” he replied to the mare, “I can use something to cheer me up.”
“Well, I know what you like, Spikey. And you have been so busy in here I just wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself. Especially since, well, you know.” She walked closer to me as she spoke. “But it seems you missed a spot.”
The white mare peered around my literary fortress and I gave a little nod. So hiding was off the list, so the all-purpose contingency plan went into action. I would be quiet, courteous and make my escape before everything hit the fan as it has been apt to lately. “Hello Miss Rarity,” I said and made a little showing of tipping my hat to her.
“Oh! Hello! Do I know you, sir?” she replied with a bit of surprise on her face.
I shook my head, and lifted the book off the table so she might see the picture. “No, but it seems you are a mare of some importance.”
She blushed and put her hoof to her chest. “Oh! Really that was nothing as important as the book makes it out to be, but at least the painter got my good side?” She smiled in my direction, leaving me to wonder if she would even be half as friendly if she knew who I was. “You have me at a disadvantage though.”
I had to work out what she meant by that. “Yeah. I am Scriber. Just here to do some light reading then get about my day.” I was really beginning to regret coming here before I ate and tended to my hangover.
“That certainly does not look like light reading to me,” she said as she regarded the collection.
“Tell me about it,” the youthful dragon added, “He pulled down a half a shelve worth of books.”
“Yeah, I think I was overly-ambitious. What is the policy on checking out books?” I said quickly, as I gave a look to the door. I really did not want to have yet another run in with one of these six.
“Oh! Do you have a card?” the dragon asked.
“No.”
“Let me get you a form then. It takes like two minutes to fill out,” he said then vanished to the back room.
“Oh, poor Spikey-Wikey. He is trying so hard to keep up a tough face, but I know him. With what happened to Twilight, he is just devastated,” she lamented. “Isn't it just terrible?”
I could agree with that at least. “Yeah. It sucks. Sounds like she really did not deserve any of what happened to her.”
“I would say not, Scriber. It was very nearly the worst possible thing that could of happened that night!” she returned with no lack of emphatic motion. From a stamp of her hoof, and an angry flick of her mane, everything about this mare seemed to be drama personified. Or at least ponified.
I simply nodded and had little interest in continuing down this vein of conversation. The shuffling of papers from the back room was the only noise in lull. Seemed she really did not have much to add to the subject. Even so, I ground the clutch out with the segue I used. “So, what is it you do, Rarity?”
She blinked at the transition then joined me along the new line. “Oh? I am a seamstress and fashion designer. Some of the greatest clothes in all of Equestria come from my boutique. Have you heard of the Carousel Boutique?”
“No, I can't say that I have,” I replied, as I turned some of my attentions to picking out the books I wanted to take back to the truck. “Sounds like you have a nice set up though.”
“Oh yes, I do. But today, I just want to visit with some friends, and just be there for them. Everypony is taking the accident hard.”
I almost missed that. “Wait. What? Your friends are coming here? As in the other Elements of Harmony?” I asked as I utterly failed to hide the twitch in my eye. My hangover was rather pointed poking the space behind my eyes and asking if I missed it.
“There is no need to be nervous just because we are famous, Mr. Scriber. We are all quite friendly,” she said reassuringly as she reached out to touch my shoulder with a hoof. I jumped back, leaving her with a shocked expression on her face.
“Oh! Look at my wrist! I have to get going!” I declared about as naturally as I could as I stared at the back of my hoof. By “naturally” I mean woodenly, stilted and slightly deranged. I picked up my bag and swung it over my neck again before I started to the door.
“What about your books, Scriber?” the concerned mare asked.
I looked at the pile for the briefest of seconds and stole a bit I once saw. “I don't want these!” I declared before I turned for the now open door. I should of known better to steal something like that around here. There was two mares blocking the doorway. One was a familiar blue and rainbow pegasus and the other was orange earth pony in a Stetson. Fate, seriously, you can go lay down in a ditch and die right now.
“What are you doing here, Kerry?” Rainbow Dash quickly enquired as she was quick to step up to make sure I was not getting out of the library.
“I thought you said your name was Scriber?” Rarity asked from behind me.
“That's the Scriber that mah brother was talking about?” the country-mare demanded of anyone who would answer. I think the book said she was Applejack.
“Scriber? Kerry? You are the one that hurt, Twilight, you ruffian!”
“What? He's the one that put Twilight in the hospital?”
“An' he took Big Mac fer all he was worth at the card table last night! Even took his yoke!”
The growing volume of the voices around me was not doing my head any favours, so I hung my head, put a hoof to my temple and grunted, “Please, just stop.” I do not think any of them heard. I tuned out the words but I could tell there was was no over-abundance of kind words being shared right now. “I just want to go home.” The outside pressure did not mix well with the fully realized agony of a hangover left unattended. By the time I snapped, I know I was surround by the four.
“All of you! Shut up! Just shut up!” I bellowed as loudly as I could manage. It hurt to raise my voice like that, but it had the intended effect of cutting off the ever-escalating prattle around me. I just gave answers to the questions I recalled hearing while I tried to fight down the headache that was working on separating the hemispheres of my brain. “I was looking for some books. I am Scriber here, but I was Kerry back home. It was me in the truck. Yes, I was driving. No, I did not do it on purpose. And, if he thought the yoke was important, he should not of put it on the table. I am leaving now. Please don't follow me.” I pushed to the door, looked around to get my headings, and began marching home, leaving them to worry about what an awful pony I was without me.
I really did not want to deal with any of this, but I could not help but think I was being followed.
It was such a wonderful day for a walk when you really got down to it. It was bright with the odd cloud meandering through the sky to offer spots of shade. It was warm without being stifling hot. Even the birds were singing as they want to do along the trees that lined my path home. Too bad there were so many things dead set on making it one of the most miserable days I can recall. I was only feeling marginally better than I did this morning, and much of that could be attributed to the bark I had been chewing non-stop through the day, but I still was hungry, thirsty and tired. The run-in at the library was the last thing I really wanted to happen and left me tapped out emotionally, so beaten and weary, I retreated to my truck. To crawl into it and closed the door behind me to shut out the events was all I wanted to do.
This was my familiar fortress against everything strange and different in this world. Even myself now. Outside of this place was infectious in how it wormed instincts into my mind without my realizing that they were there. My language had changed entirely just by coming here. It had used insidious methods to plant a new name for me, and left the older one, no the real one, feeling distant. And yet, for all this place drew me in, it was pushing back just as fiercely. I was a stranger here and there were several ponies that have reminded me of that constantly since my arrival here. This was an exhausting dance to keep up and it has not been long. I needed something familiar to ground me. My hooves fumbled with the hoof-box - I mean glove box - and eventually open it up so I could get my wallet out. I flipped it open, and found that picture I shared with Luna, and really made myself look at it. My eyes roamed the little portrait, taking in every detail I could. It was still the same black and white photograph of myself pressed up close to my love. I remembered the day it was taken at the mall, just to kill a little time on a lazy Saturday afternoon. I even remember how small the booth was. Mashing together like that was the only way we could get both of us into the frame, not that we complained. We would never complain about being close.
The memory was real.
I looked wrong in it. The human there. It was me. It had to be me. But it looked wrong. No. I looked wrong. I knew logically that the picture had not changed since the day the booth printed it out, so how could it be so unsettling. So erroneous that I could not recognize it. It was like the figure in the picture was falling squarely into the place that was normally reserved for mannequins, dolls and other things that were close to people, but were not. The longer I looked, the more unnerving it became to me, before I clopped the wallet closed tightly between my hooves and began to shake from tip to tail as it evoked new emotions within me. I could not tell if it was fear or rage I was feeling in the pit of my stomach, but it was pitch black and all-consuming, leaving me numbed to the world. There was nowhere to direct the pain. I had no thoughts to give it focus. All I had was just impotent emotions that only could chew at my thoughts and soul.
“I really need you right now,” came my weak, trembling voice, knowing the one that it was intended for could not hear me.
Then, I gave up and flopped onto the seat as if I were a stringless puppet haphazardly tossed aside. At least I could sleep. It was the only thing that I could do right now that might have a tangible benefit to it. Maybe, after I wake again, I would be able to scrape enough will together to go see Merlot again, get some dinner and try to numb myself in a more direct, chemical sort of way. I closed my eyes to the world to shut it out, but there was one last niggling thought in the back of my mind.
Five.
Four.
Three.
There was a knock on my door. Of course there would be. It was ahead of schedule, but at least I was getting a handle on this place and how fleeting comforts were within it, despite how inviting it looked. With a lazy effort, for which I did not even sit up for, I pushed the door open, then barely opened one eye to look at the orange mare standing there. I recalled the picture from the library and she definitely featured in it. At least she did not look angry. If that was the best I was going to get, I will have to take it.
“You're early,” I stated dryly as I closed my eyes again. I had little interest in this pony, but less interest in fighting with her.
“Beggin' your pardon?” she returned with a note of confusion.
“Never mind. You followed me,” I continued with the same level of enthusiasm, “I asked you not to.”
“Yup,” she returned curtly to me, as if by saying so, absolved her of any wrong doing, “That I did.”
“If you're here to spit vitriol in my direction, feel free to leave it at the door step, and pretend I feel bad enough already. I will get to it at my nearest convenience or never. Whenever comes last.” Frankly, I was sick of dealing with these mares, so I reached for the door to pull it closed once more.
“Not here fer that,” she said, “Mah name is Applejack, an' you took somethin' from Big Mac last night. We need it back,” she explained. It was a small relief not to hear that in shrill yelling right now, but it was not surprising at all that a pony would come for the yoke.
“The yoke is twenty bits. That was the cost of the buy in.” I already had plans for the cash though I doubt my fight for the bits was anywhere near over.
“He says yer a sneak with them cards,” she went on to say as she narrowed her eyes, “Did ya cheat him?”
I took a deep breath and finally forced myself to sit up so I might face her to give her the answer to that question. “That is a useless question,” I replied, “No matter how I answer it, it really comes down to your opinion of me.”
Her head tilted slightly and she blinked. “How so? Did ya, or didn't ya? It's pretty simple from where I am.”
I shook my head slightly to her and explained, “You think I am a cheat already, so if I say that I am honest, you can dismiss it by saying that I am a liar. So rather than give you ammunition to use against me, I am simply refusing to play a game I cannot win.”
She was taken aback by this, then stepped closer so I could not swing the door closed anymore. “Why do ya say I think yer a liar? I was just givin' ya an shot at answerin' 'onestly.”
I scoffed into my hoof. “You would never ask an honest pony if he was a liar, now would you?”
“Now that ain't fair to say,” she said, “I give everypony 'round 'ere a chance ta prove themselves. And well, I can spot a liar like a hawk. It comes part and parcel with being the Element of 'Onesty and ya ain't a liar far as I figure. Maybe none too pleasant, but I reckon the last few days have not been kind to you.”
This caught my attention. “Go on.”
“Yer soundin' like the world got up and gave you a whoopin'. And it only got worse between here and the library. It's likely a bigger one than ya deserved and we have been so wrapped up on what happened to Twi' and all of us, that we fergot that there was a whole other pony that could be hurtin',” she continued while she looked down to hide her eyes behind the brim of her hat, and rubbed one hoof along her other foreleg.
I was silently watching the confession play out before me and left me wordless. My thoughts on this were jumbled at best and muddled by the dark mood I was already in when she came to my door, so I really did not know what to say. Applejack just went on to fill the uncomfortable silence.
“And at the library, well, I guess I saw a bit of it,” she said, “An' I wanted to make things right. Meet you all proper and not with everypony gettin' all excited.” She offered out a hoof to me, and waited expectantly for me to take it in kind. She even gave me a slight, but inviting smile. To be honest, it was a much better offer than I ever expected from Applejack.
Our hooves touched and gave a brief shake. It was more pleasant than I expected, if awkward. “So, where does that leave us then?” I finally asked after our hooves parted.
“Well, that depends about mah brother's yoke,” she replied with a growing ease.
“You aren't going to get it for free, you know,” I pointed out, “I really don't need it, but it was worth twenty bits on the table. If you allow me to jump back a little in the conversation, I am not a cheat, but I do expect fair trades.”
“Well, I suspected as much, but I'll give you twenty bits on only one condition,” she said, and I gave a little nod and gestured for her to continue,”I wanna know how ya beat Big Mac. He's the only pony around that I have trouble readin'. I think it's 'cause he knows me too well. Or the whole element thing don't work on him 'cause we're family or something.”
I laughed briefly because it was such a simple request. To have the matter resolved so easily was worth much more than an advantage at a game I might not get another chance to play. “Watch the ears. You'll figure it out,” I pointed out to her and she looked like she was ready for more, but I really did not have more to tell.
“That's it?” she asked with a disbelieving expression. It was so simple and yet it must of elluded her.
“Yup. That's the whole of it.”
She laughed, “That brother o' mine is as stubborn as any other Apple, but he were makin' you out to be some sort of mind-readin' snake-in-the-grass. Instead, he jus' got outplayed and didn't wanna admit it!”
“Sorry to disappoint, but I am nothing but a pony that has played one too many rounds of cards while on the road.” Talking to her was quickly getting easier and the apprehension I felt when she first arrived was going away. I was not feeling much better but at least she was not adding to it all. “May I ask you something?”
“Sure thing, you can. And I'll even answer 'onestly as I can.”
“Are the rest of your friends angry at me? I have to go to town occasionally, and I don't want every trip in being an effort to avoid the lot of you.” I leaned a little forward as if another pony might overhear it.
She tilted her head a bit again, and sat down on her haunches as she pondered that. She even tapped her hoof along her chin and hummed and just when I thought she was leading me on, she started answering me. “To be totally 'onest, I don't reckon they're angry at you, Scriber. I think they're angry that Twi's in hospital. Ya just happen to be the pony holding the bag 'cause of what happened, ya know? Like, I bet Fluttershy just wants to know that yer being 'onest and yer not some horrible machine-pony thing like yer wagon here, and Rainbow has always been a little quick to her guns. Rarity is a bit of a drama-queen too, but I bet with a bit o' time, she'll calm down and give ya the benefit of the doubt.”
It was a relief but there was two more ponies I had to ask about. “What about Cuffs and Pinkemena? Those two do not seem to think much about my character.”
“I don't really know Cuffs all that well, but I do know he's a hard workin' pony and there's a big lack of work 'round here for a lawpony. Yer the first pony in a while he can do the whole, “law and order” bit with. As fer Pinkie, I donno really. Ya got to her somethin' fierce but I ain't got a clue what it means. She's hard enough to figure out when she's normal,” she said as she stood up.
If I had felt better, I might of started working out a plan on how to go about and influencing the opinions of the other ponies, but right now, I was still spent physically and emotionally. “Thank you. That helps a lot,” was all I could really think to say.
“Yer welcome. An' welcome to Ponyville. Hope the rest of your stay 'round here goes better than it started fer ya,” she returned with a tip of her hat. “Now, yer looking a mite rough so get some shut-eye and I'll be by tomorrow with the bits.” She then spat on her hoof and held it out to shake once more. I wrinkled my nose at the thought and she just chuckled at me. In the end, we shook hooves once more to seal the deal. Then, she left along the same little path I took for the last few days.
I welcomed the quiet that came with the solitude, but this time I did not close the door right away as I settled in to sleep away the afternoon. The air was fresher outside anyways.
I tapped my iPod to bring up some better music to keep me company in my truck. I was in a way too good of a mood for the lighter music that was playing. This sort of mood demanded that I swap it up to something that I could head-bang too properly. The metal would definitely help the mood stick around. What brought it about was that, on a whim, I tried my luck at starting up my truck, and now, I was rolling down the highway as if it never was in the accident. Well, there was a bit of a pull to one side, but that was not that bad. Actually, it was fantastic. Who cared there was nowhere to go?
The passing scenery was wonderful to just admire as dusk coloured the pastel landscape in hues of purple and red. It was a wonderful sight, that could of been the inspiration of paintings through the ages by the masters and hacks alike. And to top it all off, there was no traffic at all. Yeah, a silly thought, but one could really appreciate owning the road when it was one as lovely and wonderful as this. If my truck had an endless supply of fuel, I could and would drive all night and into the next day until I needed to stop. Or maybe I'd lay down on a warm hood and rest in the summer's night in my peaceful solitude.
Suddenly, I was not alone on my stretch of road. Whatever dashed onto the road from the surrounding woods was so fast that it left me unable to react to it at all. I could not even pull the wheel to try and weave around the unfortunate creature. For my inaction, I was rewarded with that sickening crunch of a bumper against flesh which I punctuated by slamming on the breaks. I slid to a halt in slow motion, letting me see the hideous face of pain on the creature before it was sent tumbling to the side of the road.
“No! Not again!” I cried as I scrambled out of my truck and ran towards to the twisted, and jumbled pile of limbs on the ground. The memory of what I had done was too fresh to rip it open again like this. “Please be alright!”
I could only see the creature in the silhouette of the setting sun and it only became apparent the type of aberration I just hit once I was right upon it. Sickly smooth skin, a tiny, brown mane, and other-worldly limbs that ended in clawless paws of ridiculous proportions. It was truly a monster that laid before me that left my heart fluttering in panic to even be this close to it.
“You alive?” I asked as sternly as I could, so as to not show my apprehension at being faced with such a thing. It was more difficult than I would liked in the presence of such a strange being. There was no way this thing was from anywhere around here. It was simply an aberration that had not place in this world and should simply go away. Maybe it had. It was becoming clear from the total lack of motion from the monster that it was quite dead, but I had to check at least. I braced my hooves against what must of been the thing's side (The thing was so foreign in form to me, even that was in doubt) and shoved it to roll it over onto I what I thought was its back.
I screamed and tumbled onto my back as I scrambled away from the remains. It wore the face I once had.
Landing on your back out of an opened truck door was a terrible way to wake up. It is just a far enough fall to knock every bit of wind out of your lungs in one hard thump, leaving you to gasp for air and dazes you just enough that you cannot work out where you are right away. The dull ache in my head from this morning did not help the situation at all, leaving me on the ground, looking up the sky, with stars starting to poke through the darker half. It was well past dusk now, meaning that I did actually sleep. It was simply an unhappy dream I just had.
Even so, I looked to check if my truck was still immobile where it crashed and there was no body in a crumpled heap anywhere near it. The confirmation that the dream was nothing more than a dream was a load off my mind, but it still was one of those dreams that felt all-too-real and not in any sort of way I would like to repeat. I could recall clearly the feel of the body under my hooves when I pushed on it, and the sound of the impact, but what was worse, I could not dismiss the thoughts it left me with. I have only been here for a few days and I can feel my old life slipping away already and...
My stomach interrupted with a strongly worded reminder that I have yet to eat today. At last, a problem I could solve.
“Right. Constant worry does not get me anywhere. Deal with what I can,” I muttered to myself as I just put the worries into the back of my head to mull over later. “And, dinner sounds really tempting right now.”
With that, I emptied my bag right out to just the coin purse and slung it around my side. At some point, I would have to commission a proper set of saddle bags for myself. Now there is a thought I never thought I would have. Anyways, armed with some gold bits and rather empty stomach, I began walking to town and this time it would not be an aimless wander for somewhere to eat. I had a craving to try out those hay-fries again.
The lack of a night-life was pretty evident as I walked my way towards the bar, though I really could not complain about it. Other than the odd pony that was closing up shop for the day and the occasional passing of a pegasus above my head, I was left to myself for the entire trip. The downside was I started to think about how stuck I really was in this town and world. I knew it was just a rut in my mind, but I couldn't help running in mental circles with the dream still being fresh in my mind. I did the futile laps in the quiet of the night until I arrived at the only building that seemed to have life in it, and stepped in.
It looked to be a busy night in “The Shady Glade” with ponies at virtually every table chatting away and enjoying each others' company, and for those that were not talking with friends, they were entertained by a pony on stage singing what I thought would be a folk tune backed by a small band. I have no idea how one played the piano without fingers, but there was a pony doing it. At least Merlot did not have to handle the crowd on his own as there were several waitresses making the rounds and servicing the tables. All in all, this seemed like the place to be after dark in Ponyville, so I headed to the bar.
“Hey Merlot! Can I trouble you for some fries and a coffee or tea?” I called out to the pony and with a quick nod and a smile, he noted the order. I hardly had time to turn about to look over the activity around me before a mug was set down me in that green aura. The cream and sugar followed though I always preferred my coffee black.
“Welcome back, Scriber. I did not expect you back after a night like you had yesterday though,” he said as he quickly went to work with that aura. It was impressive to see how he would pick up several glasses at once and clean them all in turn with aura. I would not know where even to start with that level of multitasking. It was clear that he was the master of his bar and he knew where everything was to go without hesitation.
“Well,” I started, as I took the coffee mug up in that oversized loop and took a sip, “I really have no place else to go. So far this has been the friendliest place I have been in Ponyville. And, I really liked the fries.”
He actually stopped moving around and walked back to me at that point though he still flaunted his expertise behind the bar by continuing to serve with just his aura. “Everypony has a place to go,” he said with all the practised concern of a part-time therapist. I have seen the cliche of the bartender that was willing to lend an ear dozens of times in fiction, but Merlot was the first bartender I have actually seen to go though with the routine. “Even you. There are place you can go and be welcomed as you are here.”
I gave my coffee a sip then shook my head. It would feel good to talk to anypony about how I felt right now and get some of the load off my back. I just had to be careful about how I worded things and what I said. “No. There really isn't,” I returned, “At least nowhere anywhere near here. Have you ever been so far from home that even getting a message there was impossible?”
He carefully took in my words and it looked like he was considering them fully before the green and purple stallion lifted a hoof and pointed over my shoulder. “Give a look over there, please,” he instructed and in the corner was a massive white pegasus with the tiniest wings I have ever seen drinking with other 'sports ponies' but all he was adding to the conversation was bellows of “Yeah!” and “No!”. He looked like the pony equivalent of Arnold when he was in his prime and then some with a body that looked to be entirely bulging muscle. “That would be my son, Pferdestärke. I love him dearly.”
“He is a big one,” I replied as I turned back to Merlot.
“Yes. It is part of his condition. You see, magic does not flow within him right,” he explained with more than a touch of sadness in his voice, “A pegasus is supposed to have their magic move through their wings to help them fly. For my son, it is not the case. His magic flows like yours and moves through his body. That makes him stronger than any pegasus ever should be, but his wings never grew because they had no magic. The condition also takes a toll on him in other ways.”
I could guess how when I heard another bellow of “Yeah!” followed by some laughing, but left it like that. What this had to do with me, I had no idea, but it seemed important to Merlot to get this out.
“Germane is a very nice city. I long to go back there and see how it has changed, but the doctors only had one cure. To remove his wings and let him live out his life as an earth pony. But, I could not let them do that to my little Pferdestärke,” he went on to say, “I found a doctor in Canterlot who said he had a better cure that might let him fly one day, but that meant leaving my family, friends and my vineyard at home and coming here. I really had no choice and I sold everything I could so I could have the money to come here.”
He gave a long, proud look at his son again and smiled. “Now he flies and has regular appointments in Canterlot. It is only a short train-ride away so we stay here,” he said as he obviously was trying not to mist up. “But we cannot go far yet. The treatments need to be done regularly or his wings would wither even more than they have already have. I have no regrets and would do it again, but I do miss home. Maybe, one day, he will able to go with me and see where we are from. I think though, even if he does get better, we would stay here. We have so much here in Ponyville that now, we cannot just leave it.”
My first instinct was to ask where the mother was in all of this, but I fought that one down quickly. Merlot just bared something to me that was personal and obviously painful. I was best not to dig further and instead moved onto his point. He was stuck here too, but it really was not the same. He still knew the way home and could get a message home with a letter. He was isolated but not how I was. He was not having his past fade away like I was. It was close but not the same.
“Thank you for telling me that,” I replied finally before I sipped my coffee again. “At least you have him from home. All I have is my hat, a couple pictures and some nick-knacks back at the wagon, but at least, if I have to, I know that I can start again here.”
“You are good pony. You'll find more around here to help you live here, but you'll never forget home,” he said reassuringly, though he was a bit off the mark with that comment. I did not want to settle here in the least.
“Thanks again,” I said as I rewarded Merlot for his efforts with a couple of extra bits on the bar top.
“You are welcome, Scriber,” he replied with a slight bow, “But I do have other customers to take care of. Please understand.” Before I could even reply, he moved across the bar to chat with another pony with much more cheer. I had to chuckle at how quickly he moved from solemn to jovial, but that just seemed to be a skill he possessed behind the bar.
The mirthful mood did not last long because he really did give me something to think about though. The ponies around here seemed friendly enough and starting again would not be impossible in the worse case scenario coming true. It was a small comfort for all those I would lose in the process but I could start again here. My fries arrived with the cider as I asked and I took the food and drink to the only table I saw free, right by the stage. The show was still going strong with a new vocalist and the style had moved to something more jazzy. It seemed that I only started paying attention right at the end because the grey mare finished her set and stepped down from the stage, only to be replaced by a stallion from the audience. Even so, I was more than happy just to sit and watch the show right now while I munched away at my much needed meal.
“Scriber!” called a familiar voice.
I lifted my head and there was Lyra walking up to my table. “Hey.”
“There is no game tonight, you know,” she said as she invited herself onto the bench across from me, then furrowed her brow.
“Yeah, I know. Just here for something to eat,” I replied. She was carefully inspecting my face as far as I could tell, “What is the matter? Got something on my cheek?”
“You know, for someone that can bluff so well with some cards in his hoofs, you don't really hide that you're upset that well,” she stated in a matter of fact manner. She was right and I was not entirely trying to hide it prior to her pointing it out.
“I suppose you're right,” I replied, “Just had a rough day and am trying to relax a bit.”
“Want to talk about it?” Her hoof reached across the table and poked mine.
I shook my head. “Not right now. I got some advice not too long ago. I want to digest it along with dinner. But if there is no game, why are you here?”
“Oh! I come here occasionally to play if anypony needs a lyre for their song. It's good advertising and keeps me in practice. And it is kind of fun.” She gestured to the little case beside her, in a rough shape of a lyre. “You know, if you're feeling down, you should get up there. It'll help.” She had a wide grin on her face as she said that.
I was pretty quick to shake my head at that suggestion. “Oh no. I don't sing for one, and secondly, I really am not in that sort of mood even if I did sing.”
Her expression was shocked and she stared at me as if I just said I really was an alien creature from another plane of existence. “What? What do you mean, “You don't sing”? Everypony sings!” she asserted, with a little nudge from aura on my side. “Don't make me chase you up there.”
I blinked then shook my head again rather quickly. “No, I really don't think it would help and I don't really know any songs anyways,” I returned quickly, “And I definitely never done anything in front of anypony before.” The inside of my truck had been subject to many sing-a-long sessions, but I had the decency not to expose anyone else to the vocal pollution that was my singing voice.
“You're just being a Nervous Nelly now. Come on, it'll be fun!” And before I could protest again, she left the table and was up on the stage whispering to the stallion there. I could not quite hear the conversation that was going on, but from the glances in my direction, I really just wanted to vanish into my seat. They were going to make me do this, weren't they?
“Tonight, we have a special situation here! There is a pony that is looking really down and I think he need a bit of fun to lighten up!” she announced to the room without a trace of stage fright her demeanour. “He's new to town too, so why don't we all put our hooves together and welcome Scriber up on stage.”
Bloody hell.
This was a level of dread that was entirely new to me, and it did not matter that the entire room was giving a welcoming round of applause in my direction. This is not a problem that I could just sing about to everypony here, even if I was inclined. I just wanted to mull through my issue on my own. They could not help, but they all could look in my direction expectantly.
“Come on up. Don't be shy!” Lyra declared as she gave my side another magical prod. I took a breath and got to my hooves. The faster I got this done with, the quicker I could return to quietly enjoying my meal. Even so, the prospect of utter embarrassment did not appeal to me, so one would have to forgive the slow pace I took to get onto the stage. I even went so far as to pull my hat down so the bill would hide at least some of the eyes on me.
“There we go,” she whispered in praise to me once I took my place in centre stage, “Just ask for a song, they'll play the music behind you. You'll do fine!” Easy for the mint mare to say. She was a performer and I was just shaking, but if I just did something quickly, I could get back down and put all this behind me. She left me, and I struggled to gather thoughts on what tunes that I could fake.
At least with the lights on me, I really could not make out the crowd. They were hot, and the silence was growing more pronounced as I struggled think of anything I might share with these ponies here, but nothing at all came to mind. Some pony coughed in the crowd, highlighting the lack of music that was coming from the stage. My shaking was only getting worse as the seconds dragged like hours, and I resolved to leave the stage. They could not know how I felt right now, so I took the first step.
Then, somepony played something familiar behind me. Just a couple of notes that I had not heard in years, but I knew them. It was like they were ripped right from my past. I did not know how they knew it, but it did not matter. I missed my cue, but the band obliged me with another pass of that familiar melody. Whatever the words actually were, I did not really care right now. In my mind, I had a new set of lyrics ready to go, so I faced the audience and sang.
Here I am up on the stage, and I don't know why I am speechless in the stage lights, and cannot say a thing I want to live my life, but its beyond my vision With fading voices in my head. Oh, why is that? Where can this even be fair!
I know you can't feel it. You have nothing to fear Asleep underwater Just screaming for air I know you can't feel it You're already...
Don't you know, we're mares and stallions And I am left just outside my life!
I think I am alone here, you and I I think I am alone, left wondering why I think I am alone here, you and I I think I am alone in the universe tonight.
At this point, all my stage fright was just gone. I could see myself in a black star-scape, isolated from everything around me and leaving all my troubles and comforts as something distant to me. I could be the only pony in the world, or even the only soul in all of creation for all I cared right now. I knew my voice was deeper than the man that first sang this, but it did not matter at all to me. I just continued, stepping forward and towards the invisible crowd.
I don't know my home, It's god knows where. A million miles away from where I thought I'd be. I have my truck, my things, my memories. They are taking my life away! I can't escape; I am wandering now!
I know you can't feel it. You have nothing to fear. Asleep underwater Just screaming for air. I know you can't feel it. You're already... Don't you know, we're mares and stallions And I am left just outside my life.
I think I'm alone here, you and I I think I'm alone in the universe tonight.
I have no idea how the guitarist would manage the solo but I just swayed in time with it as he did it. It really did not matter how it looked. This was how I felt, and it just flowed so easily right now. It was my heart laid out for all to see.
I am just wandering now! I know you can't feel it. You have nothing to fear. Asleep underwater Just screaming for air. I know you can't feel it You're already... Don't you know, we're mares and stallions And I am left just outside my life
I think I'm alone here, you and I I think I'm alone, left wondering why I think I'm alone here, you and I I think I'm alone in the universe tonight.
I think I'm alone in the universe tonight.
I could see the room again, and I left the stage before the song ended to I sit myself back down at the table with my cooling dinner on it. That did not mean I could not deliver the last line, though it was much more wistful than I have ever heard it when I gave it.
I think I'm alone in the universe tonight.
The music stopped and it was as if the ponies were at a loss to react to what I sang. Life came back to the bar slowly and Lyra looked at me with wide eyes from across the table. I let her stay there in the silence of our table, but I did not feel the need to speak again right now. Maybe later, but right now, I really just wanted to have my dinner. She was right about it helping me feel better though.
//----------------------------- // Story: Off the Beaten Path // Chapter: Understanding // Author: PingSquirrel // Editor: Primary Feather //-----------------------------
12.
For the first time since coming here, I slept well. And did I ever need it.
Considering everything that’s happened since I arrived, it was a welcomed change of pace to sleep through the night and awake of my own accord. There wasn't a terrible head-ache to greet me in the morning, nor a pony around to throw baseless accusations at me before I was even able to stretch. The sun was back onto its normal schedule, and even my dreams were happily forgettable and didn’t leave me with a lingering sense of dread. All in all, it was a good night and a better morning.
After I took a moment to enjoy the peaceful morning, I thought about the night before. As it turns out, I had something Lyra called a 'song number'. According to her, practically everypony goes through one or two of them a year. She was positively shocked to find out this was my first, and fumbled a bit on explaining them to me. As far as I could tell from what I was being told, they occurred when there is an emotionally charged event that causes a pony to break into song. Those nearby can be caught up in it as well, providing chorus, back up, or in this case, musicians. As she was explaining this to me, the shock mellowed into bemusement, and she comment on how ‘different’ it was that I was ignorant of them.
I guess I should be worried more about it than I really am, but really, singing like a Disney character was the least of my concerns here. And, to be honest, the fact my voice held out so well was a new point of pride. Just a few days ago, I was tone dead (the step after ‘tone deaf’) and the only things I could do justice to were heavier metal songs sung in deep growls. Introducing a bunch of ponies to metal might have been an interesting experience if the song number had gone the way of Metallica or Battlecross. My iPod was still charged and ready to go. Maybe I’ll do the introduction later just to see the reactions. I chuckled as I pictured Lyra’s repulsed face when hearing Breaking You.
Anyways, I couldn’t stay in my comfortable truck all day. Last night had taken a good run at my remaining bits, and I did arrange a job for myself when I was at the poker table. I had promised Bon-Bon a fan like the one I set up at Sugar Cube Corner and that, with the money for the yoke would set me up for a while if I was careful. The other thing I wanted to do was bury the hatchet between myself and the rest of Twilight's friends, if it was remotely possible. It was true that until the real victim of this whole thing awoke and forgave me, my first day here would haunt me, but it would help if I could apologize to her friends to come around. How hard could it be, really? I was not a bad guy after all.
Of course, there was my identity crisis.
Where could I even start on that? I couldn’t exactly walk into a hospital and say, “I was a human, but now am a pony and my mind is becoming more like a pony's. I don’t like it. Can you fix me?” I can see the padded room right now. Do crazy ponies around here get a straight jacket or do they get hobbled with a rope between the legs? Yeah, that is enough on that train of thought. I’d just have to hold onto myself until Twilight woke up and hope that she had a solution.
I stretched and enjoyed the morning sun through the windows for a moment longer before the matters of the day made me get to my hooves. As my girl back home would say, “Time for boots and saddles”. I still remembered that. Who cares that didn’t really work here? The spirit of the phrase held true and it was a reassuring battle cry to take on the day. I climbed out of my truck to gather my tools up, and struck out to find Bon-Bon's kitchen with plans to hit the market at some point for a bite. It was surprising how little this varied from back home, where I’d often head to work with plans to find food somewhere along the day. It was another sign I was still me.
As I set out I mused on the payment due to me for the return of the yoke. Maybe Applejack would show up at the end of the day, once I was back at the truck to receive it? I wouldn’t mind that at all, and the chance to talk freely with somepony about my situation. She didn’t know everything about it, but being able to talk to someone who had the gist of it would be nice.
Before long, I arrived at Bon-Bon's and knocked on her door.
“Just a minute,” came the call within. The confectioner was true to her word and opened the door for me, “Good morning, Scriber.”
I gave a simple nod back. “Good morning.” She motioned me in so I entered, careful to keep the heavy tool bag from banging the doorframe. The place was chaotic. While there was no real storefront, boxes filled with sweet treats filled the front room, which must of been a den at some point before it was repurposed as a warehouse. Now, it had haphazardly stacked goods wherever they would fit. The kitchen had outgrown its original floorplan and devoured the neighbouring dining room and every flat surface in both was covered in bowls, ingredients and kitchen utensils. Nothing was actually dirty though, but saying the place was ‘cluttered’ would be generous. She looked at me as if she just insulted me with such a sight.
“I cleaned up so you can work,” she quietly stated with her head down in shame.
“Don't worry about it,” I replied as I surveyed things, “I’ve worked in worse.” That was true. There are stories I could tell on the subject. In comparison to some of the places I plied my trade, this was easy.
“Earlier today?” she asked, still looking at the ground.
I was already fishing out my tape measure from my bag. “Pardon?”
“Well, you look like you haven't bathed in a while,” she went on to say and she was right. I hadn’t really been thinking about it either, but the lack of running water at the truck took away that option entirely. Perhaps it wasn’t shame that had her staring so fixedly at the floor, but embarrassment.
“Oh. Yeah. I don't exactly have a place in town, really so I don't have anywhere to shower off yet,” I quietly admitted, “Do you know a place where I can fix that later?” As I spoke, I played with my tape measure self-consciously. It still felt weird gripping things in my hooves.
“Really? You don't have a place? I thought you had a shop or at least a hotel room or something like that.”
“Not as such, no.”
“Well, as soon as you're done here, you should head off to the town's spa. I am sure they will let you have a bath. No offence, but I think it might be a worth a few bits to you.” As she spoke, the blush that had been hovering on her cheeks became more pronounced.
I added the item to the mental agenda that I had going and then smiled. “Good advice. I’ll do it as soon as I am done here. Sorry you had to let me know.”
She accepted that, and showed me to the work to be done and once again, it was a simple task. The only thing that really concerned me was the materials that I would need to use. While it was true that the job was a small one, the supplies I had brought with me were quite limited and would only last for a couple more jobs, and only that long if I started getting very creative with what I used. It was just another thing to throw on the list of things to do.
She went about her business the best she could with me claiming a large section of the kitchen. I hardly noticed her though. If there is one thing that could distract me, it was having a task at hoof to do, and today would not be any exception to that. Once immersed in the work, my worries melted away to be replaced by calculations and plans for the exhaust fan for the kitchen. Of course, I had to make a quick gallop back to the truck for the materials I’d need, but that never stopped the blissful diversion I had found. I was sure today was going to be a simple and quiet day for me.
“Challenge accepted,” called the world, in defiance to my elated mood.
The world laid in wait until I was precariously balanced on my back on top of the fridge with my back hooves holding up a pipe to the outside and I struggled to get the drill working with my front hooves and mouth to put its scheme into action. Bon-Bon returned from one of her many trips out that she had made that day.
“Still working on it, Scriber?” she asked as she set down the groceries on a counter.
I grunted affirmatively back. Stupid screw. Why won't you bite?
She quickly sorted all of her ingredients into their places as she made more casual conversation. “I ran into somepony that apparently knows you while out. She is a bit of a strange mare.”
That caught my ear, splitting my attentions between both my work and what was being said. I didn’t know many ponies.
“Yeah. Punch Berry said saw you and your song number at The Glade last night,” Bon-Bon continued, “But, now she was going on about how you're not from anywhere around here at all and your name wasn’t really Scriber and crazy stuff like that. She's making it sound like you're some sort of alien!” She giggled at the very idea.
My reaction was much less relaxed. In fact, it was pretty much the polar opposite of mild amusement. My careful attentions left the pipe entirely and snapped fully to the confectioner so I could ask for more detail. The pipe above me took that as its cue to run free and explore the world as it slipped from its perch to land with an echoing thump on my turned face and then bounce off to meet the floor. I should have written it off as a lost cause thanks to gravity at that point. Instead, I made a grab for it, only to be forcefully reminded that I was incapable of flight myself. I followed the pipe down its vertical trajectory to crash to the ground in a graceless heap. How had I ever beaten the pipe down? I mean, to have it land on me again just added insult to injury. The whole display only took a few seconds and left me winded and sore on the ground.
“Oh Celestia! Are you alright?” I had no idea which one of the quadruplets hovering over me asked it.
“Who wash shaying whath abouth me, ab where?” I groaned as my body simply disagreed with any effort on my part to get back on my hooves. Ow. Alright, moving was not an option.
“Your nose is bleeding!” the images cried out.
I dabbed my hoof on my nose and inspected the little red blotch it left on the hard edge. She was right. “So it is,” I replied, but it came out more like, “Sho ith ish”. Just deal with it. “Dib you shay 'Puncsh Berry' wash shaying thigs abouth me?” I tried again, only to have it fall on deaf ears. To be entirely fair, she might not have understood me as she had already rushed off to find something to staunch the blood. I was really more concerned about the whole prospect of being revealed than the nose drip or the bruise my flank now had. I pushed those aside and racked my brain for why that name was familiar.
“I wouldn't worry too much about it,” Bon-Bon called from the room over, finally answering me, “Most ponies don't listen to that lush anyways. Just thought it was funny how crazy she sounded this time. And she's sober to boot.”
“I thig I sthill wanth tho goh shee her. Um, I don'b like poniesh thalking about me behind my back.” Right. Berry was that mare in the neighbouring cell a couple of nights ago. I forgot entirely about her and it seems so had everypony else. Damnation. I was ready to get up when a rag was pushed to my nose, and I was pinned simply because it was so tender. “Ow!”
“Oh relax, Scriber. I know how much rumours suck but you're not going anywhere until you stop bleeding,” she said, dismissing the urgency of the situation. “Besides, it's just funny, unlike the one about me and Lyra. No need to panic about a silly story like that one sticking.” She then paused and tilted her head. “Of course, it is weird that she's sober this time. Maybe all the drink is finally getting to her.”
That was a small comfort to me, but I’d been directly told to keep a low profile by a goddess, and hearing that I blew it on day one simply by forgetting to mention one pony on a short list would not look good. “How 'bouth I go, geth cleaned up, go shee her, den come back here and finish up?” I suggested hopefully. I really wanted to avoid the ire of a deity.
“You don't need my permission for that. She'll be at the Glade by now. Go and get done what you need to, but don't forget about here.” She really didn’t seem upset at all for the delay in the job. Back home, taking off on a half-finished job would be the source of all sorts of woes. True, they’d be lesser woes than the ones I could be subject to here, but a self-righteous consumer can be one of the more annoying things to duel with. It was nice to see that some ponies were more understanding. Eventually, when my body was ready to listen to input from my brain again, I pushed myself up to my hooves, stretched to get some of the cricks out of my back and surveyed the room quickly. I ended up picking one corner to shove the metal and tools to before I took off to hopefully catch the mare before things spiralled too close to complete disaster.
I was in such a rush at that point, I nearly tripped over the trio of fillies rushing in. I think they yelled something like “Cutie Mark Candy Makers” or something like that. I simply ended up dancing around them and taking off towards the tavern at a brisk pace. Alright, I was full out running. Can you blame me for being in such a hurry? Stories of Greek mythology were floating around in my mind where humans were subject to terrible punishments just for comparing themselves to one of the petty pantheon. I didn’t want to think what would happen to someone that actually failed... Stop thinking about it. Nothing will happen because I will get this fixed and swept under the rug.
I burst through the door to the Glade and scanned it quickly. It was still early in a tavern's day so finding Punch Berry was rather easy. She was just at the bar, with a long stemmed glass before her.
“Are you alright, Scriber?” asked Merlot who was in the middle of making sure the tables were clean for later in the day. “You look like the day has not been kind to you.”
“You're right, but I need to take care of something,” I deflected as I walked by the bartender and to his patron. I’d make it up to him later, but for now, I closed on the mare. “We really need to talk. In private, preferably.” I think at that point Merlot just let things go with a few assumptions on his part. A roughed up stallion who was in a hurry to talk to a mare that was drinking in the early afternoon. I bet there are all sorts of fun narratives that could be crafted with a set up like that.
I was prepared to follow any one of a dozen scripts running through my head, depending on the mare’s reaction to my approach. I could yell, bluster, threaten, barter, reason or plead, depending on how she answered my request. I even had one part of my brain working on how I could convince her it was all a drunk conversation if it came to outright deception, but she derailed it all with a reaction I hadn’t anticipated.
“Nopony believes me.” It was barely more than a whisper, and she turned her head up to look at me. She had all the signs of a mare that had been crying for a long while. Purple eyes rimmed with red, and a hitch in her breathing. With that one sorrowful look, I was disarmed. “That’s why you’re here, right?”
“Well, yeah,” I returned, mentally scrapping all the plans at once. It was nice that it was that easy, but it didn’t feel right just turning and leaving either.
She looked back to her glass. “I'm just the crazy lush that lives in the bar to them,” she droned before she turned to her wine for comfort. She gulped most of her glass down and then stared me in the eye. Her voice took on a nasal quality as she gave words to the non-existent masses “No need to worry about her! No need to care about what she says! She's just a rich mare that likes the booze! She can't be right! She just wants attention.” She trailed off again and Merlot walked back to his post behind the bar and topped off the glass.
I didn't want this, but it seemed I was now knee deep in it without any exit strategy at all. I did look to Merlot rather critically and mouthed the word, “More?” with a questioning tilt to my head. The last thing she needed was another full glass. Even I could tell that much and the bartender should know better as well.
“Miss Berry drinks here so I can keep an eye on her. We found her passed out in the snow, nearly chilled right through once after I cut her off,” he explained vocally and she winced in shame about it. “It's not perfect, but, this way, I can make sure she gets home safely.” If there was one thing that Merlot did for his clients, it was look out for their welfare. That much was becoming abundantly clear to me now and his reasoning made sense, but it was still a pretty sad situation for the two. And it was a drama that I really didn’t want any further involvement in. Even in a world of pastel ponies with saccharine names, problems like this could still exist, just like back home. I started to get up to leave then, with a quick tip of my hat to the two.
Berry interrupted my exit. “Ker- Scriber,” she asked as she took a long, introspective look at the glass before her. “It was true, right? You wouldn't have come here if it wasn't. I just want to know I wasn't making it up. It gets hard to tell sometimes.”
I should have backed out when I still could but the world-weary wistfulness of that question pinned me in place. I could lie to her and be done with her and her story entirely. I don't think even Twilight's friends knew my entire story yet. All they knew was that I wasn’t from this world, but not about me being an entirely different species. The list of ponies that knew the entire truth were myself, Officer Cuffs, Punch Berry and Princess Luna. The lie would set me free right there and the cost would land on the mare before me.
“Did you hear the story she was telling, Merlot?”
“Yes. It was rather far-fetched,” he replied in his calm sort of way.
“I know, I know. I have to lay off. But, I was so sure of it,” she whimpered before she lifted the glass.
I made my decision and put my hoof on the glass to push it back down to the bar. She really didn’t need more. “This cannot leave the room. At all. Ever,” I forced myself to whisper while I put an ever increasing emphasis on the words. There was not another pony around to hear this, so this seemed to be as good a time as any. “But, yeah. It's a true story.” Their eyes opened wide but I motioned with a hoof to my lips for them to be quiet so they wouldn’t ask questions.
It was my mistake that let Punch Berry know in the first place and sending Merlot away for the admission would just leave him with suspicions. I had to let them both know. I was already feeling guilty enough for what happened to Twilight that I didn’t have to add Berry's plight to the list.
Merlot was the first to recompose himself. “Really? All of it?”
“If I got the same story second hoof as you got from Berry, then yes,” I confessed, “But don't mention it. Really. Princess Luna said I should keep it to myself. I guess I messed up on that.”
Berry's surprise morphed directly into relief and she laughed loudly. “I'm not crazy!” Both Merlot and I shushed her quickly and she blushed. “Sorry! Just that, I don't know, I really thought I was losing it. I'll do my best to keep it to myself, but it is just such a relief!”
“There is just one thing that Scriber needs from you, I think,” Merlot said as he leaned across the bar, “And it is something I have asked of you too, but now you really must do it.”
Her joy turned fearful at that point. “You don't mean...” She trailed off as she stared back at the bartender.
“You need to quit drinking. You have a hard enough time keeping secrets without the wine,” he went onto say. I couldn’t help but feel like I was just being used as a tool in this dialogue by Merlot to reach an end he long since wanted to, but ultimately, it would be to my benefit too so I let him continue. “He is putting a lot of faith in both of us, and I am not going to let you disappoint him.”
“B-but you could slip up too!” she protested quickly for an ineffective counter-point to him.
I interjected this time. “I think he is pretty good at keeping secrets if ponies confide in him all the time.” He just nodded sagely at that.
Her gaze moved between us and her glass several times. I think she was doing the math of what was truly at stake here for her in her head, and finally, she nodded. “I'll try. I mean, really try this time.” Merlot practically leaped over the bar to hug her at that point.
“Oh thank you! We'll do all we can to help!” he declared with no end of alleviation in his voice or manner. He practically danced with the mare on his back hooves. That looked weird and awkward.
When considering how bad this could of went for me, being conscripted into helping another pony was nothing, so I added my voice. “Yeah. If you ever need to talk or go somewhere, my truck is just outside of town on the east side. There is a little road that way. Then you'll see a smaller path off of that. It should be at the end of it.”
Merlot's victory dance was over pretty quickly and he let her face me. “T-thanks! I will really try. And I am sorry for blabbing in the first place. I just thought they would listen to me.”
To be honest, if nopony else believed here, there was no need to be angry about anything. All is well, that ends well. “It is alright. Just, keep it to yourself for now, and maybe later, I might even take some questions on the whole thing when I am sure nopony is going to walk in on us. But, right now, I got to get back to work. No rest for the wicked, you know.”
Merlot perked an ear at the turn of phrase. “Heh. You really aren't from around here,” he confirmed and all I could do is rear back and give him a shrug in return.
“Not even close. But, I'm counting on you two,” I said as I backed to the door then left to start my way back towards Bon-Bon's. I really hoped those two were trustworthy.
//----------------------------- // Story: Off the Beaten Path // Chapter: Spa Day // Author: PingSquirrel // Editor: norMLPerson //-----------------------------
13.
The streets seemed a little less inviting this afternoon. I was still feeling pretty good from the dodge of a bad situation I just pulled off, but ponies were parting around me and giving me little glances as I walked towards Bon-Bon's kitchen. It even occurred to me that it happened when I made the dash to the Glade earlier, but I was simply not paying it any attention. It was getting ridiculous when the mare with the garbage cart crossed the street to go around me though, and that made me set out to find out what was wrong. I walked to the first store I could find with one of those large windows and looked at my reflection on the glass.
I didn't look that bad. I did need a bath. My yellow pelt was stained with dust, grime, and grease, and my nose had a bit of dry blood on it, but it wasn't intolerable. I would also be the first to admitt that I was a little 'fresh' smelling from the runs I had done today, and the lack of bathing, but I couldn't smell it so it couldn't be that bad. I took off my hat (which needed a wash too) and inspected my mane next and determined that it wasn't anything a little soap and a comb couldn't fix.
“Oh, you poor deary. Get yerself somethin' ta eat,” came a matronly voice from behind me and when I turned to face the senior green mare with her silver mane in a bun, she deposited several bits into my hat.
“What? Oh, I'm not pan-handling here or anything, I'm just-,” I stammered before she stopped me with a little shush.
“Doncha worry none about it. We all had rough times.” She didn't wait for me to even reply before she moved on to continue on her day.
I was left with a bit of extra coin and an irrefutable conclusion that I really did look terrible. I should go to that spa right away to clean up and hope my client would forgive me for being a day late in getting everything completed. I just started to feel like I was getting some traction in this town, and the last thing I needed to do was to derail it by getting a new reputation as the crazy stallion that lived outside of town.
“Thank you, Ma'am,” I called after the elderly mare. I don't think she heard, but at least I tried to be polite, then started in the direction of the spa. After running through Ponyville a few times, you've pretty much seen everything. I have been in smaller towns, but this was a far cry from the city I came from, so I'd be ashamed of myself if I couldn't navigate this place by the end of the week.
The place was literally called the Day Spa, and was a comfortable little building, though as soon as I stepped through the door of the place, it was clear stallions generally did not come here. The assault of scents, perfumes, and humidity was an immediate indication that I was in the right place, but if I thought the rest of the world was pastel, I was mistaken. This place was entirely in the softer hues. Maybe it was something to relax their usual customers with but it was an affront to my masculinity.
The chime over the door let the workers here they had a new customer and a blue mare with a pink mane poked her head out from one of the displays and blinked twice at me. It would seem that I had caught her off guard. Maybe they didn't get many stallions here, or at least ponies that looked like me. “Welcome to the Day Spa. I am Lotus. How can I be of service?” Her accent was similar to Merlot's in that it was somewhat European sounding.
“I am just looking for a bath. Nothing more,” I answered as I made my way to the front desk and placed the coins that were just given to me on the counter. “Don't need anything else.”
She looked me over and wrinkled her nose up. “Oh. We can accommodate that, and more, sir. Maybe, you would like a massage afterwards?” she suggested, and it certainly did tempt me to take the mare up on it. I was still a bit tender from the fall earlier in the day, but the idea of hooves being pressed all over my body didn't appeal very much.
“Not needed. Just a bath with a lot of soap and really hot water will do, but if it works out, I'll likely be here a few more times before I get settled in around here, so you'll see me again.” If there was one thing that a good salespony should value more than an up-sell, it was repeat business. It was enough because she smiled at me and nodded.
“Then come this way,” she answered and motioned me to the back room were it was simply one communal room. It made sense that everypony shared one room because it was quite clear that ponies didn't have any problem with nudity, but at least I did see several curtains that could be pulled out for those that wanted at least a little privacy. While she drew the bath, I looked over the room with its saunas off to a side, a large tub like pool for communal bathing, and what seemed to be a farrier’s station complete with hammers, sheers for use on hooves, and an anvil. That made me chuckle, but I'd guess some ponies were shod, so it would make sense for the spa to have the tools to take care of hooves with them.
“It's ready,” she stated before I could reflect on the skills a spa-pony would need, and I took off the only bit of clothing I had; that old, beat-up and stained ball cap to move in. I have been pretty much bare the entire time I have been here, but now I feel modest. Bathing was still something private, so after I thanked her, I pulled the curtains shut and settled into the water.
It had been years since I had taken a proper bath, but sinking into that comfortably hot, soapy water made me regret that fact. Maybe it was the salts that I saw the mare add, or simply the heat that surrounded me, but the water felt great and helped to soothe the aches I had from the fall. The warmth cut right through my aches and did wonders to relax my muscles. I didn't realize I had become so tensed up over the last few days thanks to the stress, but apparently I was just a ball of tension. That mare knew what she was doing, and I absolutely would have to do this again. After I took care of cleaning the dust and grime from myself, I laid on my belly with my head resting on the padded side to enjoy the water and the quiet. I could stay here forever. Or, at least until the water cooled. I let the time pass.
“The usual,” I heard faintly from the front of the room in a familiar voice that I had first heard in the library a couple of days ago. That was followed by a trio of mares being lead towards where I was. As they got closer, I became very thankful that I had already pulled the curtains shut.
“W-we should be with Twilight,” came a meek voice. I couldn't see the owner of it but it too was familiar to me. I wanted to say it was from the hospital. “What if she wakes up, and nopony is there?”
“I know, Fluttershy, but you have been spending every moment there,” the accented voice replied, “You need some time to take care of yourself too. Right now, Twilight just needs time and rest more than anything, and as much as it pains me to say it, none of us can help with that.”
I was never one to eavesdrop, but this fell right into my hooves. Besides, things might get awkward of I let them know I was here.
“I guess so,” the meek one replied again in that wispy voice of hers. I could tell just by the tone that she was half convinced at best.
“It will be just a couple more days, dear. You just have to be strong until then, and Twilight will be back on her hooves!”
“You don't know that for sure.” That sounded like the preamble to tears from how she squeaked.
“Come on, Fluttershy. No more crying today,” the cultured voice said encouragingly. “Let's just try to enjoy our day as best we can. We want to look our best for her when she does wake up, after all.” The sound of the pair entering into the water followed. I had a pang of guilt hit me for my stealthy reconnaissance, but I did pay for this bath and they were talking freely without a care about the possibility that there was another pony around. If they talked, I couldn't be to blame. Of course, as soon as I convinced myself that it was alright, the room went silent again except for the occasional splashes of water and the moving of bottles. It was a very pained pause that even I could feel.
The pause continued until Rarity spoke up again. “So. I saw the stallion yesterday when I visited Spike. He is going by 'Scriber' now. He seemed very... Normal. I was expecting an uncouth brute, but he was there, just reading history books.”
“I know.”
“How do you know?”
“Applejack told me that he was there. She spoke with him last night. She says he is a 'mite bitter and doubtful at the world'. But she also says he doesn't want to hurt anypony.” I nearly wanted to cheer aloud to hear that I had an advocate, but that would blow my cover.
“I think I am inclined to believe that, but I still want to talk with him. I might not be able to spot a lie like Applejack, but I still want a chance to hear it from him.”
“I don't want to see him.”
“Why not?” That caught me off-guard. Maybe I was getting my hopes up too much by thinking that they would all come around that fast. Either way, that made me curious enough to part my curtain enough to look at the pair through a little slit. The yellow pegasus and the white unicorn were in the large communal pool in the centre of the room, talking and enjoying the soak as much as circumstance might allow. Neither looked truly happy.
“Didn't you see what he was in? That thing was scary and loud! It was screaming even. How can a good pony be in something like that?” It would appear the choice of music I had on did not leave the best impression. Even now, she looked scared to remember, but she also looked rather cute with her pink, wet mane still looking perfect as it cascaded over her face.
“I hardly think we can blame him for that. He wasn't making that noise,” came my defense by the other mare, with that glossy pelt that was in the process of being washed so it was all slicked down to her flawless figure. She must preen constantly to be such a vision of perfection. Diamonds like hers would need constant attention, after all.
“I guess,” that little yellow mare replied, turning her gaze down. The poor filly looked so unsure and frightened. I'd love to wrap my hooves around her and pull her- Wait! What the heck am I thinking? I realized I was not only staring, I was breathing a little heavier as I spied on the beautiful, wet mares with their- Stop it! I jerked right back, causing a little splash of water in my tub.
With the curtain closed again, I gathered my thoughts, the first of which was, “Et tu, libido?”
“Is somepony there?” Rarity asked in my direction. I was busted, so I crafted a quick plan.
“Mmm, yeah?” I replied as if I was just waking up. I stretched and stood up to lend the story a little veracity. “Must have fell asleep there.”
“Scriber? Is that you over there?” Rarity asked again. I opened the curtain fully at that point to see the white mare looking in my direction and the yellow one hiding the best she could in the corner of the tub. Of course, the two still looked very attractive but I was doing my very best to ignore that part of my brain. There was no need to make things more complicated than they were already. “I didn't think you were one to come to a spa.”
“Normally, I wouldn't be, but I don't have a bath back at my truck, so I'm making due,” I returned as I tried to look as casual as I could without staring at the mares again. That was something I never thought I'd need to do in my life, but here we are. “You're not about to yell at me, are you?”
“I really shouldn't have done that. A proper lady has to keep her composure at all times, after all. I am sorry, and I hope you accept my apology.” She even gave me a little bow of her head. I found myself actively avoiding looking at her horn as it was presented in the motion. Her friend was still entirely silent and barely looking at me, and when she did, it was in the shortest of glances in my direction.
“Thank you. The both of you,“ said, then I looked away again before I started staring again. Why was I even staring in the first place? Especially since it would be mortifying if either of them caught me doing it, and that was something I really didn't want to deal with right now. To avoid it, I did what anypoiny might do; change the subject. “I thought you said that Twilight is doing alright; How is she?”
“According to the doctors she is doing better. She might even wake up in a day or two more. I imagine you want to talk with her after what happened.”
By then I was out of the tub and working a towel around myself to dry off while still trying to fight the urge to ogle the two. Seriously, when did this switch flip over in my head. A little more warning would've been nice! “Oh, that's good, but, I'd like the chance to speak with all of you at some point. I really don't want to go about my time here, knowing that there are ponies that outright hate me.”
While we talked, I could see that Fluttershy was doing her best to vanish into the water to hide from me, and she hadn't made so much as a peep in my direction. I wasn't about to force it. “Is she alright?” There was a little muffled squeak from the yellow mare at the mention of her.
“You'll have to forgive her. She's rather shy.” That much was obvious.
“How about this, then? I'll leave you two to your day at the spa ,and we can meet later for lunch to work out our differences,” I offered. Hopefully, the break might allow me to get a hold of some of my baser instincts so I wouldn't make a fool of myself as well.
A voice spoke up behind me in time with a poke to my side. “Are you done, sir? For a nominal fee, we can give you a massage before you go.” I whipped around and the inverse of the first spa worker was there. Same colours, but she was a pink pony with a blue mane. And the idea of a mare pressing her hooves against me had so much more appeal now. Maybe I would-
“No! No, thank you! It's really alright,” I stammered as I jumped back from her. “Really. Um, Rarity. I'll be at the library tomorrow to get those books. We can work the details then, eh?”
“Well, that won't work for me at all. I have a fitting to do tomorrow. But, why don't you just wait out front and we can join you after we are done here." Her face then lit up. "Or, even better yet, go ahead and have the massage! They are very enjoyable, Scriber.” She went step further and looked to the spa worker. “Put it on my account, darling.”
I couldn't turn an offer like that down, so I bowed my head to the mare. “Um, thank you.” Seems I had a lunch date I couldn't refuse. Or at least an early dinner date. “Can we go to a private room for the massage?” I had to get away from the pair of wet mares and the thoughts they were provoking in my head. I shouldn't be thinking of them this way at all, and was mildly disturbed that I found them even a bit attractive in such a way.
“Of course, sir. Right this way,” she said, and she lead the way towards the private room.
As we went, I swear I heard Rarity say something like, “He cannot be all that bad. Didn't you see how he couldn't keep his eyes off of me?”
After careful consideration and new evidence, I had reversed my stance on hooves and massages entirely. I would of never guessed in a thousand lifetimes that hooves could work a kink out of a muscle so well, but my recent experience has shown me otherwise. I was still in a zen-like state of relaxation and staring out the window to enjoy the scenery while Rarity squared up the tab . With the sun bright in the sky, and everypony going about their day so happily, it would seem that all was right with the world and I wou-
“Scriber? Are you quite alright?” the elegant mare asked as if she already repeated the question several times. I was back in the spa's front room. I gave her a quick glance in return, and put on my best smile. Of course, I hoped I would not have a repeat of thinking about rivulets of water trickling over their wonderfully sculpted flaaaaa.... Not going there again! Nice try, libido.
“Uh, yeah! I am great! Thank you,” I stammered as I returned to my senses and reality in general. It was still strange that this was my reality now, but I was coping with that. As a plus, it seemed much easier to keep down those “odd” thoughts now that the two mares were dry from their time in the spa. “That was much better than I thought it could be, I must admit.”
She grinned knowingly at me. “The twins are very good at what they do. I'm so very glad they decided to stay here, rather than move on to Canterlot.” Her yellow friend just gave me a quick glance and then averted her eyes from me once more. “Anyways, shall we be going?”
I would of gone with the two to hash our differences out already, but the prospect of a free meal was getting to be more and more of a draw too. The answer was obvious. “Of course. Where to?”
“Oh, just a little place we know that is not far from here. I am sure you'll enjoy it. They have the most marvellous lunches in all of Ponyville,” she stated with happy confidence. It sounded good enough for me, so I pushed the door open to the street and the pair made their way out. “Thank you, Scriber.”
Fluttershy barely looked at me as she made her way through the door. Not only that, she shrank right to the opposite corner of the door from me, leaving me with the distinct impression that I would need to address the root of our issues sooner than later, but the yellow pegasus was quick to put Rarity between herself and I. “You're welcome,” I returned as we began our way down the street, though conversation did not come as easily as I would hope and so, I fell back on one of the classic standards of conversation. “Nice day out, eh?”
“Oh yes. The weather team really outdid themselves today,” Rarity agreed quickly with a quick glance up to confirm it. I nearly forgot about the whole 'manufactured weather' thing. Oh well. “They really do take pride in their work though. How about you? What is it that you do?”
“Me? Oh, I bash tin,” I answered without thinking. If you were in the trades, the reply would make sense, but the laypony, it was merely jargon.
“Bash... Tin?”
“Oh. I work sheet metal and do stuff like venting and duct-work. It's noisy work, but honest and well, I find it quite fun too. Much better than being stuck behind a desk all day. You got to enjoy what you do, after all.” I clarified, “How about you two?” By returning the question to the pair, maybe I could get the quiet one to speak.
Of course, Rarity went first and puffed herself up. “Oh, I am one of the premier fashion designers of all of Equestria,” she answered with no lack of pride. “Ever since the royal wedding I designed for, I have become a mare to know for all in the industry.”
Fluttershy's reply was much less audible. She squeaked something then looked away from me yet again. This was getting ridiculous but I really didn't want to force the issue because I didn't want to make her less comfortable than she already appeared to be. At least her friend spoke up for her.
“Fluttershy is the unofficial veterinarian of Ponyville and does quite spectacularly at it,” she stated with pride on the yellow pegasus' behalf. “She even took care of a phoenix for Princess Celestia.” Looking how embarrassed Fluttershy looked at the mention of that, I suspected there was much more to the story, but again, I reserved myself.
“You both must be quite gifted,” I replied. Of course, it must help that they were already national heroes, but fame only goes so far. At least I hoped it did. Back home, there was enough celebrities that did little more than coast on their fame and a prodigious ability to ignore their own lack of talents and skills.
They both gave me a thankful smile though only Rarity's seemed to last. “Oh! We are here,” she stated before she nodded her head to the a little bistro called literally, “That Little Bistro”. This place had a knack for being literal. Either way, we made our way in. The skinny, grey stallion with a candy-pink mane in amongst the bright black and white restaurant looked positively elated to see the two.
“Good day! How are my favourite marefriends?” he said in a slightly nasal voice before giving the two a chaste, but very friendly and familiar hug before he glanced at me and gave me a rather introspective look over before he got a sly smile on his face, “And where did you find this rugged-looking stallion your with?”
Well. He was flaming.
“I am Scriber,” I replied back with a proper introduction, but I was feeling vaguely uncomfortable with how he was looking at me. “And we met at the spa.”
“Yes. He had been there by chance and we needed to speak business, so do you think we can get a private table, Hot Dish?” Rarity fibbed a bit there, but she fluttered her eyelashes to sell the story. I wouldn't mind a bit of space for what would need to be said anyways, but, from the knowing look the stallion gave me, I think he was taking that entirely in a different way.
He even winked at me. “Got it!” He then motioned for us to follow along with the three to a table that was nicely isolated from the rest in the corner.
“Don't worry about Hot Dish, Scriber. He thinks every stallion is... That way,” she said knowingly. It took me a moment to piece together what was meant by that, but when I did, I chuckled in relief.
“I suppose I should be flattered then, eh?” There were worse things, I suppose, as I settled into place across from the two. Fluttershy looked marginally more comfortable with a table and a nice flower arrangement between myself and her. And I found out then that a flower vase was the pony equivalent of a bread basket as Rarity lifted one of the flowers with her magic and daintily began to nibble at it. Even Fluttershy helped herself to one, but that was a bit much for me. Instead, I took in the simple ambiance of the place. It was clean, and well-kept. I was beginning to think that holes-in-the-wall did not exist here at all, which is a shame, because they really did have the best food in my opinion.
Speaking of home, Rarity spoke up. “As you can tell, Fluttershy is a little frightened of you. Maybe if you tell us a little more about yourself, she will relax.” She then nudged the mare's side to keep her attention. “And you must simply try one of these daisies, Scriber. They are practically as good as the meal rest of the meal.”
Not having fingers came into play, because the only way I could get one of the flowers from the pot was to commit wholesale to the act. When in Equestria, as the saying goes, and I tried one. It tasted about what I thought it would, but at least chewing the taste of grass down went quickly. “Well, for one, where I am from, we don't eat flowers.”
“Wh-where are you from where they don't eat flowers?” came a weak voice, and we both looked to Fluttershy a little shocked. She had been so quiet and only speaking when prompted, to hear her speak was a surprise. There was no simple way to answer the question, so I hummed and hawed. At least Rarity filled the air by expanding on the question.
“Yes. Please tell us, Scriber. Both Princesses were so very vague about the details of where you are from, but with that accent and that vehicle you were in, you must be from quite the distance away,” Rarity added with a lean towards me. She wanted to know too.
“Well, I can't tell you much. Royal decree and all. You understand, eh? It's really a long ways away from here though. So far, I don't know my way back.” I answered while dodging the question. “But, at the same time, this place is not as different as I would expect in someways and totally different in others.”
I would of said more but Hot Dish popped in beside us like he warped space-time to get there. “What can I get you guys?” he asked with a over-wide grin on his face.
“I think I would like some sparkling wine,” Rarity declared, in her proper sort of way.
“Green tea. If you have any that is,” Fluttershy ordered with a little more confidence than she showed with me.
I was left looking at the menu. I suspected that a diet coke was not on the menu. “Coffee, as black as my soul,” I answered in my usual joking way I would give back home. The three ponies all stared at me. Right. Ponies don't share my sense of humour. I coughed into a hoof. “Tough crowd. And a glass of water.”
Hot Dish recovered quicker than the rest. “Anything for an appetizer then?” he said, moving on in the routine.
“I think we are good,” Rarity answered for the table. She was buying so her word was law. Hot Dish made the mental notes and smiled before taking off. “Does that joke normally go better than that?”
“Well, no. But it usually doesn't get stares either. But anyways, anything else you'd like to know?”
“If you can't tell us where you are from, why don't you tell us how it was like there?” Rarity suggested. It wasn't a bad one either and both mares looked at me expectantly again.
“It was, in a word, busier. At least, busier than it is here. In both good and bad ways. More was happening. More to do and more places to go. And a lot more ponies were there too. Likely a thousand times more in the city I was from,” I replied as I tapped my chin with a hoof. They looked confused about the true scale of difference I was describing. “If you're not careful and keep moving, it was pretty easy to get ground under the gears of the world. But don't take that in a bad way. It's a good incentive to keep moving.
“As for me, I was pretty comfortable back home. I have a good mare to live with, a job I like, a nice house and even a cat that I can tolerate. Though, I would much rather get a pair of rats or rabbits,” I mused, reflecting on what I was missing, “I miss it a lot, and it's going to be a while before I can get back there.”
I am not sure how they really took all that, but Rarity was predictably the first to speak up. “It sounds like you were a pretty average stallion where you were from. I do love the accent though.” I chuckled at that. It would have to be the french one to comment first on that. “And you're taking this all so marvellously well. I know if I was away from my boutique and Opal like you, I would be in fits!”
I opened my mouth to reply when a thought smacked me in the front lobe. Why wasn't I panicking? I know I could keep composure in the moment of crisis, but normally, I would be losing it right about now. I should be ripping through the library or consulting experts, but instead, I had a bath and am now sitting down to tea. And didn't I accept the whole premise of magic using, cute-looking, pastel ponies a little quicker than I should of? This was so easy to settle into. I would of milled those thoughts more but an interruption arrived. Our drinks were set down on the table with an ease that you wouldn't expect from an earth pony.
“Your drinks, ladies and gentlecolts. Now, how about your meals?” our waiter declared with all the expected flare.
“We will have our usual,” Rarity said, and Fluttershy confirmed it with a quick little nod.
“Do you have a spinach salad? I would love one with some almonds with some olive oil and vinegar,” I tried. Believe it or not, that was my lunch more days than not anyways.
It would seem they did, because Hot Dish nodded. “Of course! We can't call ourselves a proper bistro without that on the menu, honey.” Then, he vanished in the same manner he arrived before I could question the apparent use of a pet name.
“What an odd pony,” I commented after he was gone, looking in the direction I suspected he went.
“What was that thing you came in?” came the meeker of the two mares, giving me conversational whiplash.
“Pardon?”
“That big, metal, noisy thing with the loud screaming. It was in pain,” she said softly to me, but I could see the accusation hidden under the gentle tones. She thought I was hurting my truck and wanted me to answer for it.
I leaned across the table a bit. “It's called a 'truck'. A Ford Ranger if you really want to get specific, but it's just a machine to help me carry loads and myself over long distances. As for the screaming, I think that was my music playing. The stuff I like gets loud and screamy. The style of music is called 'metal'.”
She listened and thought about that, and Rarity let her have the time too. When she continued, she sounded less shy towards me. She even stopped hiding behind her mane so much. “So, you weren't hurting it.”
“Only when I am late on an oil change. But I swear I wasn't hurting it. It's not even alive,” I promised while rearing back to cross my heart with a hoof. “But that said, the crash damaged it pretty badly. I have been scared to try and even move it.”
Fluttershy smiled at that, finally looking at ease with me. “I hope you can find help with getting it fixed then. I am afraid I am not really good at those things.”
“No worries. I am sure I can find a mechanic. Or heck, I have three months to figure it out myself,” I said before I thought about how I was committing myself to stay here at least that long. Much like other developments, it was very easy to settle into.
Rarity then spoke up. “Oh! I know this is out of the blue, but what were you wearing when you first came here? You were absolutely covered in the most dreadful clothing I have ever seen. They didn't even seem to fit you correctly. I am sure I could make the necessary alterations, if you would like.”
I recalled the misfitting clothes that were still sized for my old body. As much as I would like to have a set of work clothes I could wear here, the shape of them would be a clear give away to a seamstress that they weren't made for a pony. “Oh? Those old things were a hoof-me-down from a while back. It was about time I just got rid of them and looked for something that fit me right, but there is no rush to do that yet. Besides, I don't really have the cash for it and I really can't let myself accept anymore generosity from you. It's a bad habit to get into.”
She looked at me appraising for a moment and her horn glowed. “Oh. Of course, Scriber. Of course,” she said while obviously distracted while both Fluttershy and I looked on. I could swear I felt something disturb the fuzz on my sides all at once then, sending me into a giggling fit. It was done quickly at least, but I have never been ticklish before I got here. So that is what I had inflicted on my girl back home. I'll apologize when I get home.
“D-did you just take my measurements?” I gasped as I recovered from the magical tickling.
“Yes. Yes, I did,” she said smugly before she sipped her wine with a look of satisfaction on her face.
“No way I am getting out of getting something more from you, eh?” I replied to her in amazement.
“She's the Element of Generosity for a reason, Scriber. She wouldn't be her if she didn't do things like this,” her friend explained and Rarity gave a solemn nod to confirm that. Now that Fluttershy knew I wasn't torturing anything in my truck, she seemed much more at ease with me. There was another slight pause before she dipped her head back down. “S-sorry for using the Stare on you. I was just worried you weren't a good pony, and Twilight was hurt enough already.”
The admission and apology came out of nowhere, but it was good to hear. “It's alright. Really. If someone hit my best friend back home, and then walked into his hospital ward, I'd likely try and give him a word or two at the least. But, I am no worse for wear, and Twilight is on the mend. Things will be alright.”
“Tell me about it. I kind of miss that mare and her dragon,” Hot Dish said as he set down several dishes around the table. Once again, he had used ancient waiter tactics and skills to sneak up on their patrons and interrupted with perfect timing. “I spent all that time learning how to make sapphire and ruby cupcakes and now there is nopony coming in to eat them!” He spoke with all the urgency and passion of a true drama-queen.
“I can bring him here tomorrow. I am sure he needs a day away from the library and it would be nice,” she offered to the dramatic stallion.
He hugged her again. “Oh, see you in more than once a week too! That would be wonderful!”
While he and the mare hugged it out. I looked my salad over. It had little yellow flower heads mixed in with the familiar almonds and spinach. I carefully flicked them out to the side of the bowl. I might be a pony right now, and I might of dove in head first into the new situation, but I had to draw a line somewhere. No more eating of flowers on my watch.
The stallion switched mares, and hugged Rarity too. “So. What are his measurements?” he asked her and all three of us blushed brightly. He took that as his cue to leave the table. “I mean, enjoy the meal!” He practically pranced away in mischievous glee.
“I forgot there is a reason why I don't bring my dates here,” Rarity muttered in a perturbed annoyance at the antics she just was exposed to.
I hooked my coffee in my hoof, and raised it. “Let's not let that get in the way of a good meal, eh?” I said before I thought of a proper toast, “To Twilight's health, to our health and better times ahead.” It was a toast that was happily accepted by the two, and we sat down a surprisingly good meal together, but between the lulls of conversations, I went back to mulling about how easy this world was for me to accept.
In the silence of space, a battle was about to begin, and it would be a critical one.
Only two cycles ago the already fragile ties between the Psilon and the Darlock empires broke down as it became apparent that Darlock spies were operating to steal the advanced technology from the peaceful researcher race. Now, a trio of battleships orbited the blue-grey orb that was Mentar III. They were the defensive fleet that would have to stand against the approaching invasion armada and they must hold the line here. Below them was the heart of their nation, with countless souls that would be lost if they failed.
“Captain. The enemy is dropping out of warp,” the tactical officer stated in the dry, emotionless drone that psilon's had. Even with the lack of inflection in his voice, one could see the young officer was terrified of the upcoming storm that was heralded by the dozens of ships that were appearing on the short range scanners. They were outnumbered four to one, and the dozens of transport ships were a reminder of the cost.
The captain stood resolute and stared at the screen. He could not afford to panic, but fear gripped his heart. The first scan reports of the enemy ship's capabilities started to pour in on his monitor. The enemy had numbers, but it was the defenders that had the advantage in tech. “Target the lead carrier. Let's show them the strength of Psilon ingenuity,” he commanded as the officers scrambled to respond. The heavy mounted graviton cannons charged and let loose the defiance of an entire race.
I was rewarded with the little ship on my laptop's screen vanishing into a pixilated explosion. I admit it. I was bored and the hack narrative that I was forming in my mind was not enough to fix that. I was even desperate enough to learn how to use a touch-pad without fingers. It wasn't that dignified and I had to wipe the little square down occasionally but a tongue will work. Besides, I did some of my best thinking when I was goofing off. Earlier in the day, I was too pre-occupied with work, then two mares and a disturbingly attentive waiter. I decided after the lunch was done to make my way back to my truck. After all, I was expecting company and, with it, a few more bits to my name.
I suppose I was just killing time with the laptop and it worked to a degree. It was getting to the evening now, with the sun hanging on the edge of the sky before dipping entirely below the horizon. From my truck, it looked rather beautiful with how all the reds mixed with the soft pastel palette of the land. It was a shame that I really wasn't in the proper head-space to appreciate it. There was such a celestial display right there to enjoy and my mind was on too many other things to do it. I rather be reading up more on this place if I had gotten those books out of the library. There was so much I didn't know or understand about this place, and that didn't include the list of things I don't know that I don't know. I didn't think I could figure out my way home when I was so ignorant of the workings of this place.
My ears perked up at the sound of hooves approaching about then and I closed up my laptop and gave it a shove out of sight. There was no sense in having more evidence of my alien nature out and about to be seen. At least ponies dismissed the truck as nothing more than an odd-looking wagon.
“Scriber? Are you there?” The mare's voice was familiar, but it lacked that twang that I was expecting. I stuck my head out the door and looked back at the source and there was a grape-coloured mare walking towards my truck. Punch Berry was definitely not the mare I was expecting, but I did give her an open invitation. “Oh! You are home.”
I waved to the mare and greeted her after pulling on my hat once more. “Good evening. I really didn't expect you to take me up on the offer.” It wasn't bad that she showed up because she was somepony that was 'in' on the whole story.
“This is where you're staying?” she asked as she examined my truck carefully. She even leaned over and sniffed at a tire before resuming the back and forth wandering of her eyes. It did make me think about how much keener my sense of smell was since arriving here. Maybe with time, I would lean to use it more. Of course, even with a good sense of smell, it was clear she didn't know what she was looking at just from how her brow furrowed in confusion.
I climbed out from the truck and nodded. “Yup. This is where my stuff is, so I might as well be here too, eh?” I gave the side of it a light kick. “Too bad it doesn't move right now.”
Her examination concluded and she turned to face me once more. “You know,” she commented dryly, “I was expecting alien stuff to look more alienish. I mean, it is pretty alienish, but I was expecting blinking lights and an unnatural hum.” That was about the last thing I was expecting to hear from her, but once it was said, I chuckled into a hoof. The truck was one of the few things that didn't seem alien to me here. It was more familiar to me than my former and current body.
“Won't have many of those for a while, I don't think,” I answered as I moved closer to a comfortable conversational range. “At least, not until I do a bunch of repair work. What brings you this way?”
Her hooves suddenly got a lot more interesting for her, as her eyes wandered down to them. “Well, it turns out, going to a bar is not the best thing to do when you're trying to dry out,” she admitted in a near whisper. “Funny thing is, though, I didn't have anywhere better to go.”
It was the sort of thing that everypony could feel pity for, and I was no exception. “Come on. Most ponies here seem really friendly. And, if nothing else, you're welcome here.”
Her head lifted and she smiled thankfully back to me. I would say she looked relieved even. “So, you don't mind that I came here to talk?”
“Well, I am good for it if you want it. I wasn't doing anything important.” I wasn't about to turn any mare that looked as forlorn as she did. “Come on. Hop in.” I motioned to the cab the truck, and she looked up. Now a Ranger is not a large truck, but it did seem a lot bigger now that I was on all fours. I was maybe half as tall as I was, so we both needed to literally jump to get in and onto the seat. I had set both seats right back so I could lay on them rather than try and sit up. She took the driver's side and I took the passenger's, and then there was silence while she began inspecting everything that the dash had to offer.
“Now this is more what I thought it would look like. Buttons and levers everywhere!” she declared as she took a long stare at the radio. She then gingerly tapped one of the buttons on it.
“Not that one!” I screamed as if something absolutely awful was about to happen to us. I even curled up to shield my face to sell it. She joined my feigned panic with very legitimate terror and instantly curled up to prepare for the worst. I started laughing hard at that point. I am a terrible pony.
She peered out from her hoof-covered face at the sound of laughter. One eye rolled towards me and the expression on her face that went from total terror to realization, followed by outrage. “Wha- Y-you sneak!” she gasped as she gave me a shove. Hooves might hurt, but I was laughing too hard to care about the crescent bruise I was going to have on my side. I was still beyond words as she just stared at me in disbelief.
Eventually, I did catch my breath and I held out a hoof. “You should’ve seen your face!” I gasped out finally as I tried to wipe tears from my eyes. Hooves weren't entirely up to the task, but it did let me get a good look at her stern expression. It was enough to renew the laughing and I was off again.
“That was really mean!” she scolded but as she did so, her facade was cracking. She started to giggle off and on, and even that fell into outright laughter too. In moments, we both fell back on our respective seats to share a good joke. Eventually though, it tapered off.
“Don't worry,” I sighed as I tried to calm myself. “That's just a stereo. It plays music. I'll show you.” I turned the key in the ignition, and the dash lit up. I had been pretty careful about using the battery since the crash, so it should be alright for a small show. She watched me as I went through the cryptic motions of setting up an iPod. I thought about what she'd be seeing in my practised motions; it must of looked totally random. Once again, I used my tongue to use the touch pad. Ick. I picked something lighter and happier sounding than my usual fare. Sam Roberts started to play through the speakers. At that point I looked over to the mare, expecting her to be amazed.
“Oh! It's like a gramophone!” she exclaimed as her ears perked to listen to the tunes. “I guess this is your human music, then? It sounds weird.” I knew most of the words, but when I listened to the song, I realized that most of the words just didn't sound right. I guess it was like hearing a language that you hadn't heard in years. It was par for the course, considering how I felt lately about my past.
“Yeah. It is.” I was trying to follow along with the words.
“It's nice. What's he singing about?”
“Rich colt's crying 'cause his money's time. Poor colt smiling 'cause because he ain't blind,” I hummed along, giving the translation. The cadence was about right, but the sounds were really wrong. I wasn't even sure I could make those sounds that was my old language now. There is nothing I could do so I just dismissed it. “It's a song about really looking for what is important in life.”
She nodded as she listened a moment longer. She even tapped a hoof along and bobbed her head in time with the rhythm while she pointed out, “This space isn't made for ponies. You must of looked really different before you got here.”
I smiled. She already knew the story and being able to go through my old life with a pony is nice. “Yeah. A lot different. Do you want to see?” I was already digging out my wallet from the glove box for that picture in it. I didn't like it anymore but it was a solid reminder of what I was. She already was leaning over the armrest to look at familiar picture with my old self and my girlfriend.
“Oh my gosh! That is you!” She pointed with her hoof at the picture then glanced between me and the image as if to check “It's like. You, but not you, Scriber! Is that your marefriend you're with? What's her name?”
I glanced to the picture. “Oh. Yeah, that is. Her name is Dusty Pages,” I replied and offered the picture and wallet to Berry and she took it.
“Oh! That's a nice name. Is she a librarian or a bookkeeper?” she asked, then something just seemed wrong about what I just said. I couldn't pin to down though and it was just something nagging in my head. I turned my gaze down and thought hard on it.
“No, she isn't a bookkeeper or anything. She just likes books,” I answered in a near mutter, then it clicked. That wasn't her name. That was a pony name, not a human name! My mind started to race to think everyone I knew back home. My brothers were Shuttersnap and Yahoo. No. Not human names. My father was Wheeler N. Dealer. Wrong. My mother's name was Tender Care. Nope. Every name I thought of was a pony's name and they were all wrong! By now, the purple mare looked very concerned for me.
“Scriber? Are you alright?” she asked as she put the picture away and leaned in so she might catch my eyes with hers.
I barely noticed her because my mind was running a mile a minute without getting any ground. The harder I fought to find them in my mind, the more elusive the truth became. “I forgot their names,” I barely mumbled. It wasn't to answer her but to give my frustrating conclusion a voice. I still scoured my mind for the correct names and they were simply not there. All I had were pony names for them. They fit the people, but they weren't right. I repeated the statement with more force as frustration morphed into anger. “I forgot their names!”
“You forgot whose names?” she asked, looking very worried now as she laid a hoof on my shoulder. I suppose it was to comfort me.
“All of them! My family! My friends! I don't remember their real names! Just pony names!” I yelled and she shrank back. I didn't mean to yell at her, and she really didn't deserve it, so I kicked my door open and jumped from my truck to the ground. I feel sorry for the first tree I saw because I proceeded to kick it as if it was solely to blame for this whole thing. “I am forgetting everything! I hate this place!” I didn't notice that I was screaming until after the words came out of my mouth.
The mare followed me out of the truck and waited patiently as I pummelled the wood until it was splintered and cracked under my hooves, and I was gasping from exhaustion. I sank right down to the ground and looked to the mare. “How could I do that to them? I miss them all, and I forgot,” I choked out to her.
She didn't have anything to offer to answer me but instead, she reached out to help me back to my hooves. “I don't know. If your shoes were nailed to me, I would probably be in a bottle right now,” she admitted as I accepted the lift up, “It doesn't help. But, this isn't your fault. With what you told me, I think you're holding on better than most ponies would.”
She was right, but her words seemed like a hollow reassurance to me right now. I was slipping and only thing I could really blame right now was myself. After all, I forgot them. Even with the circumstances, I should of done something to hold onto them.
“Kerry?” The name got my attention instantly. In all that happened, I forgot that there were others that knew my name besides myself and hearing it used by the mare reminded me of that fact. I wasn't losing everything. She noted I looked up and to her, and she nodded, “I know you feel scared, but we can get you past this.”
I really didn't know how to react to the mare's steadfast statement. “I don't think you can help,” I said with a sad shake of my head. “I think this is my problem.”
“You believed in me. You look like you need somepony to believe in you,” she replied in a tone that left very little room for debate. She had decided to help me, but I really didn't have anything to say. Instead, I moved to the back of the truck and pulled myself up onto the tailgate to lay down. I needed to think and to process this all, and she joined me in silence. It didn't last too long before I had to speak up.
“You don't have to stay. I don't think I will be good company right now,” I stated dryly to her with my head turned to the horizon where the sun was making it's last showing of the day. By excusing her, I hoped she'd leave. I didn't want anypony to see me like this.
“Yes, I do. You're running from your problems. I do it often enough to know it when I see it,” she retorted quickly. I glanced to her in a brief spike of anger, but there was enough truth in her words to douse it. Instead, I just looked out to the distance again and willed myself to calm down. While I put that effort forward, she continued, “We should help each other out.” Her voice wasn’t very strong at that point, but the idea carried much more weight. I nodded. She accepted that as answer enough.
After that, we didn’t have much to say.
We both laid there mutely, with the forgotten music filling the void. She joined me in looking at the changing hues of a drawn out twilight. The darkening of the sky came quicker than I was used to, but when it was under manual control, I suspected there was much more of a direct schedule. It was something else that was entirely different than the world I came from, but what I never considered or even noticed was the beauty of this moment. This was the effort of two divine artists using a few moments of shared time to create something they could never accomplish on their own. I wouldn’t usually say a sunset back home was majestic or stunning, but the Sisters truly did know their arts. Light played perfectly with the dark, mixing to make the reds, purples and yellows that would never be above otherwise. Then, it was done. The day finished its succession to the night and the stars began peeking out.
“I wouldn't mind if you came by tomorrow,” I said without taking my eyes off the sky. Back home, I had spent my share of time away from cities, and saw what the sky could offer, but it paled in comparison to this. I could try a hundred times and never get the words to really conjure what I saw in the mind of anypony that hadn’t seen it. But I would say, imagine something that was truly worth looking up and watching and you would be on the right track.
“Howdy!”
We both jumped at the cheery and loud voice that broke the shared moment entirely.
“Sorry, ‘bout that, but work went long down at the farm. But I promised ya yer bits and here they are with a little extra fer tellin’ me about Mac,” Applejack said as she approached the truck with a basket of apples balanced remarkably well on her back. “Don’t worry none though. I’ gonna leave y’all to yer evenin’.” She then winked at me. It suddenly occurred to me what she was thinking was happening.
I wish I had a better response. Instead, I stammered out, “Thanks!” I hopped down to the ground and met the tan mare half way. “Thank you. Hope to do business with you again.”
“Yer welcome. Now, enjoy yer evenin’.” She grinned at me like she was a fellow conspirator, set the basket down for me and turned to leave. We watched her down that path until she was out of earshot.
“Well, that was awkward,” Berry mused aloud. I had to agree but leaving it like that seemed woefully inadequate.
//----------------------------- // Story: Off the Beaten Path // Chapter: The Big Day (Part 1) // Author: PingSquirrel // Editor: Rune Heart //-----------------------------
16.
Last night was nice but it really revealed one thing to me and it was something that I actually could fix. My missing memories were beyond anything I knew how to handle but with Berry's help, I could at least track if they were still slipping from me. What I could do though is have some snacks at the truck to share with her and to be a good host. It was the least I could do and to that end, I made my way on towards Sugar Cube Corner in the morning right after I got up. It must of been later in the summer here because I noted that the air had a cool crispness to it that hinted at a coming fall while I walked towards the familiar store. If I was here too long, I would have to get something to help me with the cold.
Like the first mornings I have seen since I had arrived, there was a lack of ponies on the streets this early in the morning. Only the shop owners and those with kiosks to run were about and they were busy setting things up for the business of the day and the bakery was no exception. Breakfast was foremost on my mind and I wanted more than just apples to eat and nothing could distract me from my goal.
Well, almost nothing.
“Morning’, Scriber.”
I turned to the cart that was previously hiding Applejack, but now she was standing so she could look overtop of it. “Good morning,” I replied as I stopped my trip for politeness’ sake and even tipped my cap her way.
“Yeah. Rainbow had to work through the night to keep out a nasty thunderhead, but it was worth it fer a mornin’ like this,” she said before she picked up a basket with her mouth and set it on top. “It’ll be a good market day ‘cause of her, I reckon.”
“Bet it helped you out too, with your time with Berry. It’s good to see her out and about with other ponies, and to see you settlin’ in,” she stated with cheer while her big, red brother rounded a corner and started approaching the sales cart while hauling another cart that was nothing but produce.
“It wasn’t like that,” I said quietly, before I quickly changed the subject. “Hey Mac. How are you?”
“Good.” Great. My savior from awkwardness was a pony that would only speak when upset, or pinned down.
“So, all the Apple family is here today?” I prompted to him before Applejack could ask anymore on the supposed date. He just gave a snort and a nod towards me and his sister just sighed at the terseness of his reply.
“Well, normally we all come out for a Saturday to sell, yeah,” the more vocal mare answered more completely, “But Apple Bloom said she really wanted to try somethin’ out with her friends at their clubhouse. Those fillies are always up ta somethin’, but you’re only a foal one time ‘round.”
I chuckled into a hoof and recalled the ‘fort’ I had as a child. It was only about five feet into the bush, but it was my own personal castle. “Let me guess. You can see it from the front window?”
“Ya got that right! I love my sis’ but I have to keep an eye on her dealings before they get out of hoof.”
“Yet you’re making an exception of it today?” I asked with an amused smirk while Big Mac unhitched the cart and began shuffling through the goods.
“Granny Smith’s there if they need help,” she explained with a shrug. “She’ll be nappin’ but they can always wake ‘er up if they need ‘er.”
“Yeah.” I imagined that Mrs. Smith was the grandmother of the family, making me wonder where the mother and father were, but that seemed much too personal to get into. “Hey, Mac. We’re alright?”
He turned his head ever so slightly towards me. “Yeah. I’m not used to losin’ and lost my head. Ain’t gonna happen again though, so next game, ya watch out. I want my bits back.”
“Not going to happen, buddy, but if you want to save face, you can give me the ante now,” I teased back. “Or, should I come by at the end of the day, after you made some coin?”
“Keep talkin’,” he scoffed back at me and his sister chuckled at him for his forced bravado.
“Speaking of making money though,” I replied, “I should get going. Have to pick up something to go with the apples you gave me yesterday. I hope you both have a good day.”
“You too, Scriber,” the mare said happily. Her brother just nodded, and I started walking towards the smell of baking breads and pastries a block away. The fresh breads would make a nice compliment to the apples I had at the truck, and the happy mood I was in made me take bouncing gait, complete with the merry clipping of hooves on cobblestone as I went. The bell announced my entrance into the shop with its happy chime, and I was looking at the partly empty shelves with the sounds of ponies working in the back. Likely, it was the Cakes getting the place ready for the day. If I was lucky, I would be able to get some of the better day-olds for myself before they were taken down, so I started looking through the shelves.
“Just a second!” came a familiar mare's voice from the back, and I glanced at the direction of the unattended counter. That sounded li- Pinkamena! With a complete disregard for physics, the pink mare was right in front of me and taking up the entirety of my field of view with a disapproving scowl, which caused me to rear right back so quickly, I tripped and toppled right over and onto my back with a surprised cry and a crash. When, I opened my eyes, Pinkamena was still there, standing above me. “It's you,” she said coolly to me, “What do you want?” At least she wasn't yelling at me this time.
“You would do Bugs Bunny proud,” I muttered on her apparent teleportation, as I got back to my hooves. From the looks of her confused expression she had on her face, the comment went right over her head. It would take far too long to explain myself, and would likely reveal my true nature to her. So, I just went on to say, “Flax-seed bagels.”
“What does a bunny have to do with a flax-seed bagel?” she asked as if there was a serious link between the two. It was even kind of cute watching her furrow her brow in the effort to find the link. Well, if considering that gave her time to calm down, I was happy to let her ponder the non-existent link. At that point, a plan came to mind. If I recalled correctly the research I did two days ago, she was supposed to be the Element of Laughter. Maybe, jokes and riddles were more effective than logic with her.
I put the hastily created strategy into action. “I would imagine it's the same thing that a raven has in common with a writing desk,” I replied casually as I looked at the selection the store had to offer once more, leaving Pinkamena behind to consider that. She did just that for nearly a minute, complete with mutterings of bagels and birds before she stormed up behind me again.
“That makes even less sense!” she complained in my direction, as she followed me. “And usually the less sense things make, the more sense it makes to me!”
“Would you rather guess what I have in my pocket?” I casually asked as I plucked a bag of the breakfast food from the shelf, and carefully set it on my back. It took a couple tries to keep it there. How did ponies even balance things like this so easily?
Once again, she seriously considered what I had just said, albiet for not as long, before she pointed at me and grinned as if she had scored a major victory against me. “You don't have any pockets though! None! How can you have something in your pockets if you don't have any? I got you now!” she said with accusing triumph.
I was ready for that. “Well, obviously I don't have my pockets here with me. That would make it too easy,” I chuckled to the mare as I continued the search through the store.
“Oooh, You're good!” she said as she was totally stumped at the statement. She then caught herself praising me and resumed her more upset posture. “Wait-a-minute! No no no! You're not good! Not good at all!” While she did that, I plucked a bag of cinnamon rolls as well, and did my best to set it on my back. Seriously, it was tougher than it looked. Maybe I would have to get saddlebags.
“You don't really think that,” I replied while I took a slow walk to the counter.
“Yes, I do!” she declared while she followed right behind me.
“No. You don't.” I made sure I stayed a paragon of calmness while the mare grew and grew in intensity in the back and forth debate.
“I totally, absolutely do!”
“Nope,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Yes! I! Do!”
“Heh. Not at all.”
She leaned right into my personal space at that point, making me rear away from the tip of her nose, and continued without missing a beat. “I really don't!”
Did she just try that old gag on me? “It's duck season!” I declared with a hoof pointing in the air with as much flair and dramatics as the animated character would've put into it. She once again was staring at me with confusion and really didn't know how to react. I don't blame her. It wasn't her fault that she was stealing a gag from an animation company in another dimension because there was no way she'd know about it.. I slid myself around her at that point and headed to the counter. “The proper response is, “It's rabbit season”,” I explained though I know it would answer none of the pink mare's questions.
After she took in that information, she pondered once more. I think she was working through all she knew of me and she came to one inevitable and inescapable conclusion. “You're weird,” she stated with conviction as she moved to stand on the other side of the counter again. “And that trick usually works. And I'm the weird one here. At least, that is what everypony else says about me! So you must be extra weird for me to say it about you. And bad! I'm not forgetting that one just because you're weird too!”
I waited for the quickly spoken stream to end, or at least come to a point where I could step in and I decided to take a chance. “Who did you speak to about me?” I queried as I put on my best Dr. House sort of voice (though not his attitude). I had another hunch and was going to ride it out.
She paused once more in the repartee and narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me once more. “Huh? How'd you know? You been spying on me?”
My hoof pointed to her. “Your mane isn’t all straight and flat. Every other time you talked to me, it was and that only seems to happen when you’re upset. So, something has changed and it wasn't anything I did. So, I am guessing one of your friends talked to you about me.”
Her eyes stayed narrowed. “Go on,” she replied in an exaggerated manner. I did.
“So, if you're not as mad at me, or at least convinced that I'm not as bad as you thought, why are you still acting mad?” The question hung in the air as the pink one obviously mulled it in her head, then her expression dropped. Her hair didn't deflate like the last few times I had spoken with her, but her boundless energy was instantly sapped.
With her head down, she answered, “I don't want to talk about it. And I really don’t want to talk about it with you. Sorry.” She then gave a sidelong glance at the bags of bagels and rolls I had and took great care not to meet me eye to eye. “That's seven bits.”
I dutifully tipped off my hat and counted out the coins for her. “I can respect that. I hope we can have a good 'working' relationship though. I’d hate to be blacklisted from the only bakery in town.”
She nodded, as she put away the money in the till. “Yeah. We can do that.” She then turned to return to her work in the back. “I guess I’ll see you later.” It was better than nothing, but I had hoped to resolve everything entirely. I should take what progress I could get though, and keep moving on with the day. There was work to be done today, after all and I couldn't spend time dwelling on this. I turned too, and left the shop and moved into the cool morning air again. I had a checklist of things to do and the first of which was to finish what I had started at Bon-Bon’s yesterday. I had delayed enough on that task already even if she was an understanding mare and needed to get back to it to finish the task. It wouldn’t take too long as long as everything went well.
It was a good thing it was such a nice morning because it was still early when I arrived at the candy-maker’s home and ended up having a bite on her step. While I ate, I reflected on few subjects. First of which was what there was to eat here and the likelihood that I have had my last taste of meat in my life. Oddly enough, I couldn’t bring myself to think about a steak or a hamburger as food anymore. They weren’t disgusting, but rather just things that were as appetizing as as a brick. Oh well.
That drifted to thoughts of my old life and how I could get back to it. Even if things did followed the best case scenario and getting back would be simple affair, there would be the lost time to account for. But there was so many things that could go wrong, even if they could send me back. Time might pass differently between home and here, or becoming human again might be impossible. The Lunar goddess didn’t offer to reverse the shape change, and she knew what I looked like from the picture. This was getting depressing. At least I was done to the last bite of my roll. I popped it in my mouth and stretched out to prepare for the work ahead. I didn’t know magic, but I did know my metal work and it was a task I could take on right now and finish. I was sure enough time passed so I wouldn’t be a rude and early wake-up call so I knocked at the door, and Bon-Bon came to the door, coffee mug in hoof, and extended it to me.
“Good morning,” she greeted. “I was wondering when you’d come on in.”
I took the offered drink and sipped it. It had sugar and cream, but I wasn’t about to turn down a gift over little details like that. “Thank you, Bon-Bon,” I replied, “You knew I was out there?”
She stepped back inside and motioned for me to follow her along. “It looked like you needed a few minutes, and it really isn’t a big deal. It’s Saturday and I am going to be here all day. How did thing go with Berry yesterday?”
Following her in while holding a mug was much harder than she made it look, but I did it with a minimal amount of spillage and embarrassment on my part. “It went much better than I could hope, actually. Thanks for letting me take off to take care of the whole business.”
“Not a problem, but I would like to get my kitchen back together sometime today,” she answered before she looked back at me and grinned. “And it must have went well. You’re smiling pretty wide right now,” she pointed out before she went on to suggest, “You know, I am sure I could let you away with a candy package at a discount.”
That comment caught me off guard, but I was smiling. I couldn’t deny that. “Oh, I think we struck off a good friendship is all and had a nice long talk with her. But, it couldn’t hurt to have a something to snack on.”
“Of course, Scriber,” she replied as if she knew more than what I was letting on, but let it drop. “I’ll let you to your work. As I said, I am here all day.”
I took one last and long slurp of the coffee, and set it down, before I made my way to the kitchen. There, I started to lay out the materials I would use; there wasn’t much more to do. I should be in and out of here before noon and I could sneak off to the library to get those books I was looking the other day. Once the metal was accounted for, I went to push my tool bag out from the corner I had it in, and nearly threw it across the room. Something was wrong because it was too light. I was quick to open it up where it stopped and cursed under my breath. All the power tools were gone, but there was a little note with childish chickenscratch writing left in the bag in there place.
Dear Mister,
Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and me, Apple Bloom are just going to borow borrow your tools til Sunday. They look really neat and we haven’t seen anything like them. Don’t worry none! We can have them back in plenty of time for you to do your work on Monday.
Thanks in advance! CMC
I read the simple note several times, unsure how to react to this, but my first reaction was to kick something hard and utter some truly nasty things. Instead, I sat myself down on my flank and forced myself to take several calming breaths. I wasn’t going to scream or swear, I told myself internally. They were just kids and they thought I wasn’t going to use them for a while, so clearly, they’re just curious and not malicious. But that didn’t change the fact they took things from me without asking, making them thieves in my mind. And I needed them back as soon as possible if I was going to get my job done. At least I knew who the culprit was and where to find her and her friends.
“Bon-Bon,” I called to the next room, “Yesterday, were three fillies here? Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom?” I got myself back up, picked up the note in my mouth and started walking towards where the mare was.
“Yes,” she called back, “I said I would show them a few things a week ago, but with your stuff in there, I didn’t want to risk them getting hurt or anything, so I gave them a raincheck.”
The mare cleared enough room on her couch for her to lay on, and I walked up to her and dropped the note before her. She quickly read through it while I asked, “They didn’t happen to take anything thing, did they?”
Her eyes were wide and she looked mortified by the time she finished reading. “Oh no! When they asked that, I thought they wanted to borrow a few pots and pans! I didn’t realise they went through your things. I was just too busy to watch them. I'm sorry!”
I wasn’t mad at the mare, and I gave her a little nudge on the shoulder. “It’s alright but I need them back. I hate to do this to you but I'm going to have to delay again.”
She didn’t look pleased about that and let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, it’s half my fault really. I should’ve watched them more carefully. Just get back here as soon as you can.”
“Ah, it’ll be a quick run, and I can be back here, and still get things all done for you before mid-afternoon. I’ll be back as soon as possible, alright?” She nodded and I took my leave after I picked up my mostly empty bag.
I moved through the town at a quick gallop, in the direction of the farm. It was a shame though, because the picture perfect farmstead and barn came into view after I crested a hill. The orchard behind the buildings looked massive in scope and if Applejack and her family took care of it all, my respect for them all just grew. The scent of the trees just added to the pleasant ambiance of the place, and covered the odors of livestock. I would have to ask for a tour of the entire farm on a later date to see if there was any major differences from what I was familiar with and to see what animals that ponies raised but that would have to wait. It was that tree house that I was most interested in. It was impressive in how large it was, but it could use a coat of paint because the brownish hues it was didn’t do the construction any favours.
Already, I could hear the three voices of the fillies, though I couldn’t make out what they were really saying. The only thing clearly audible was the whirr of one of my drills being used. The sharp clicking noise gave it away as my impact drill. Then the other one whirred into life too, though I couldn’t seen the fillies yet They must have been inside, working on some project. Then, my sawzall whirred too and that was followed by a shrill scream. Instantly, I went from a brisk walk to an outright sprint towards the building.
I burst into the clearing where the treehouse was, then made a scramble up into the building proper. My tools were there, scattered about, but my focus was on the three fillies in the middle of the single room, while a white unicorn was bawling and the two other fillies were doing their best to calm her down. I could see the red dripping to the floor from a split hoof.
“I’m so sorry! Didn’t think it would jump so fast! I didn’t mean to hurt you any!” the yellow filly with a red mane, all held back with a pink bow. She looked like she was about to cry too.
The dusty-orange pegasus filly beside her was holding up a little better, but was upset too. “It’s alright Sweetie Belle! Just breath and stay calm,” she instructed, though they were quick and panicked, “Just don’t look a the cut!”
She did just that, and one look at the rough and torn hoof and skin made her wail even louder. It was clear none of them had noticed me yet, but I was already going into my bag for the rags I kept in it. Why couldn’t I have bought that first aid kit I saw on sale? Either way, it was time to be the calm and rational one.
“It hurts!” she whined with tears flowing nearly as fast as the blood. The three did look surprised when I walked to her and wrapped her hoof up in the rag. “It’s alright,” I said as comfortingly as a stranger to the three could be. “My name is Scriber and those are my tools you got. You’re lucky I came out to get them back”
My presence was a surprise to all of them, but having an adult on the scene was a comfort.
“S-sorry mister,” simpered the one I assumed was Apple Bloom. That would make the last one Scooter or something like that. “We...” She trailed off because she had another layer of guilt to worry about.
“Don’t worry about it. Go to your house, and get Granny Smith, and some clean cloths. If Granny needs a few minutes to get going, one of you come back with the cloths so we can clean this up.” Both of them tore off as quickly as their legs could carry them.
“I told Apple Bloom that this was a bad idea,” Sweetie Belle sniffled out while I gave the place a look over. It was pretty obvious what happened to the little filly. She must have been holding a plank down while the others used that saw. The wood was maybe three eighths at the most, so it would have cut pretty quickly and likely too fast for a little filly without the proper limbs to control it. I still had difficulty and I had practice with the tool.
“Just stay calm. It’s just a cut. I’ve been cut plenty of times and they heal up,” I replied to the filly before I carefully lifted the rag and looked at the dripping, red mess. It was already soaking through the cloth and over my hooves. Unless there was magical cure for scars here, she would be showing off this accident for a while. “When you are ready, I am going to carry you to the house, alright.”
She took several breaths to try and stop her sobbing while I held the cut, but she couldn’t quite manage herself. She did nod to me though and I stooped down to let her up. The warm drips on my back let me know that she was still bleeding. “Now, hold the rag tight. Here we go.” I started a slow walk to the house, managing the ramp down from the treehouse easily. With her on my back, I couldn’t move too fast, because even at my pace, she winced and trembled on every bounce on my back.
At least it wasn’t a long walk. By the time Scooter exited with a pile of rags between her wings, I was already on the front porch, and walking in. “Come on. We gotta clean out the cut and get it wrapped up properly. Then, probably stitches.”
“Granny Smith will be here as soon as she get’s up proper,” Apple Bloom announced to me as she rushed down the stairs.
“And I got the rags!” Scooter added in the same, worried tone, as they both gathered around their friend, and showed me to the kitchen, and thankfully, it had hot and cold running water. So, with care, I set Sweetie on the counter and with as much care as I could, started rinsing out the dirty cut.
While I did the delicate work, the three whimpered apologies to each other. There was a few flecks of wood and paint that were in it that needed to be cleared.
“What’s this here all about?” an elderly voice stated behind me. “Oh my goodness! Sweetie! You done got yourself all cut up! And who, in tarnation, are you?”
I looked over my shoulder to see the same mare that tossed a few bits in my cap a day ago. Recognition lit up her eyes too, and she went on to say. “Yer that homeless feller! What are you doin’ here?”
“I am Scriber, and these girls took my tools,” I explained, turning my attention back to tying a knot in the clean dressing over the cut. It hadn’t even slowed in its bleeding yet, but it was better than nothing. “I think we have to get Sweetie Belle to the hospital for stitches. I can carry her there myself, but maybe you can contact her parents and let them know what happened.”
The elderly mare looked around me and to the whimpering filly and let out a shocked gasp. That was enough to prompt Sweetie to say, “I-I really want to go.”
“Alright.” That was all I needed to hear and I put her on my back once more without a care about the seeping wound. I already needed another bath. “I’ll be back to collect my tools later, after she’s taken care of.”
Even as I left with Sweetie Belle, I could hear Granny Smith organizing the other two fillies, and before I even left the yard, the other two raced by me on a scooter, yelling something at us. “What did they say?”
“I think they are going to get my sister,” Sweetie mewled as she hugged to my neck for balance. “S-she’s going to be so mad at me!”
“I think she’ll be happier that you’re alright,” I replied calmly to her, trying to ignore the jabs of hard hooves on my back while she shuffled again.
“But it hurts so much!” she squealed, with that high pitched voice cracking. “Rarity’s going to flip! We shouldn’t of taken them! I’m sorry!”
Poor filly. I couldn’t even bring myself to be upset about the tools now. She was hurting, and all of them learned a much harder lesson for it. “Hey. Just calm down. Deep breaths. Think about something else and this will be all done soon enough.”
She tried breathing deep for about three seconds before she gave up on the effort to block out the pain. “It hurts too much! You don’t know what it’s like!”
“Actually, I do. Been cut, burned and scrapped more times than I can count and I lived through them all. Even ones worse than that one,” I replied as I kept up my pace towards the hospital. It was maybe a few minutes away, but at least it was on the edge of town so I didn’t have to parade Sweetie Belle through the crowds.
“Really?” she asked doubtfully, following it up with a loud sniffle.
“Yeah. But the stories aren’t for the faint of heart,” I chuckled. Sure, I was worried about the filly, but I really did have a certain expertise when it came to cuts. “When you work with metal, they’re par for the course.”
“If you say so. Still hurts a lot.” She buried herself right down and against my mane. “Thanks for not being mad at us.”
“Oh, I am still mad, but it can wait until you’re patched up,” I replied to the filly. “Or until I get a chance to talk to your parents. Right now though, I think this is more important.”
She winced at the mention of parents, and went rather quiet. If worrying about punishments took her mind off of the pain, then I would just let it work. She didn’t even make a peep again until she was actually in the hospital and the nurse was asking questions on what happened. Since I was not family, I answered what I could while she was whisked away for treatment. I sat myself down on one of the benches with the intention to wait until her family arrived, so I could talk over the events with them. I didn’t know her well, but she seemed nice enough and really didn’t deserve this.
I was in the middle of leafing through old magazines. Even when in another world, the titles and headlines seemed old and tired to me. Royal Secrets Revealed, 20 Minutes to a Fine Flank, and Makeover Tricks: Get the Most from your Mane! were some of the titles I saw before a red pegasus stepped up to me and cleared his throat. I looked up at Officer Cuffs and he just looked smug in how he returned the gaze.
“Ponies seem to keep getting hurt around you,” he stated as he moved to block the door. I wasn’t about to run, but the message was clear.
“And a good day to you too,” I replied to him dryly, “And for the record, she was hurt before I got there.”
“So goes your story, Scriber. There are rumours of a homeless pony, that looked a lot like you, breaking into the Apple’s home and there’s a hurt filly with the doctor. It’s all so hard to keep track of it all,” he said with a flare of his wings as if to show off the scale of the issues.
“Come on. You’ve got to have something better to do,” I groaned to the cop, complete with an eye roll. “Seriously. She’s here because I carried her here.”
That smug expression he had on his face was only getting worse and more irritating. “How about this? You accompany me to the station and we can get this all worked out. It might take a day or three, but at least you’ll have a place to stay. Or, I can drag you out, if you prefer.”
Annoyance flared instantly into anger, and I stared hatefully at him. The rational side of my mind kept control which was good, because I was sure I could break him quite thoroughly if it came to it.
The jail cell hadn’t gotten any more exciting after Cuffs stuffed me in here and told me he’d be back in a few minutes. That was three hours ago. I know this for a fact because that new, and very loud clock in the hall is counting every second of the wait.
I was mad at first, but now, I’m just bored. So painfully bored. And uncomfortable. I cannot discount that because the little bench/bed that furnishes the cell seemed to have a rock-filled mattress. If this wait was intended to take a bit of the fight out of me, mission accomplished, Cuffs.
I could tell that Cuffs was out in the station’s main room because I could hear him moving around and going about his business, but he seemed to be in no rush to actually see me. What he wants from me beyond an excuse to keep me here, and actually processing the ‘case’ is totally against that goal. He’s not going to come back, so I just make myself as comfortable as I can on that hard, lumpy mattress and close my eyes for a nap. It didn’t last long.
“Your lunch,” Cuffs said without passion, bringing me back to the waking world right after I actually drifted off.
One of my eyes cracked ever so slightly to look at the underwhelming offering of an old salad and what looked to be vegetable juice. Be still my beating heart. “You didn’t want me accidentally getting comfortable in here, eh?” I gave the officer a bitter smile that was really more of a show of teeth than anything else.
He didn’t answer, but went off on his own tangent. “I think we’ll get your statement tomorrow morning, Scriber. Maybe you can use the time between now and then to work out what your story will be this time,” he mused aloud.
There was no way I could say I liked the red pegasus, but the implied accusation that I was lying was grating on my nerves even more than the decor (or the lack thereof). If the situation was different, I would’ve called him out on it, but I didn’t want to give him the excuse to make the stay here any longer. Besides, I could take solace in the fact that he was directly disobeying a goddess and those things never go well for the violator. “Whatever. You’re calling the shots right now,” I replied without an effort to hide my annoyance, “And, you will know where to find me.”
He smiled at me in his smug, condescending way. “I know. If I had my way, you would’ve never left this cell. Or better yet, you could be in Stoney. Ah well, it’s good to have goals to strive for.” He pushed my so-called meal through a slot in the door at that point. “Especially when the goal is better than going around and putting fillies in stitches, wouldn’t you say?”
There comes a time when even the most passive and relaxed of us snap under the pressure of annoyance, and for me, that was now! I had enough of this shoddy treatment and his pissy attitude, and I was quick to get to my hooves and press right up to the bars in front of Cuffs. If the bars didn’t stop me, I’d be nose to nose with the prick. “What’s your damned problem? Do you get off on being a complete jerk or what?” I bellowed at him with the force of all my pent up frustration.
He wasn’t even phased by my reaction, but instead just replied, “Temper, temper Scriber. Did you get like this with the fillies too?”
I stamped my hoof hard, and the crack against the stone floor echoed through the hall. “I helped them! I got Sweetie to the hospital! What did you do, eh? You came by and arrested me, you useless ass! If you got a problem with me, open the door up and we can settle it right now!”
He just watched me yell without even flinching or losing his smile and that indifference to my anger just made me louder,and more heated. If I still had hands, I’d just reach out and grab the bastard right now, but instead, I had to hear his response. “I guess you aliens are an angry bunch. I’ll make a note of it for the recommendation I send to the Princesses and the Royal Court.” With an appalling amount of confidence, he turned to leave.
“Yeah, you do that! Let’s see how that goes, after Princess Luna said to leave me alone!” I called after him as I tried to squeeze through the bars to get at him, “Or how about, you let me out of here, and you do whatever you do to get this out of your system! Go drink until you pass out, or yell at your wife. I’m sure she deserves it as much as me!”
He stopped short of the door at that point, and gave a sharp glance back at me. “Don’t go there,” he said with a cold intensity. So, I could get under his skin.
“Why not? Did she leave you when she realised what type of an ass you are? Or maybe you never had one in the first place? I can’t see a prick like you being popular with the mares!” I sniped with vile intentions.
He stormed right back to my cell while I spat my angry words and as soon as I was done, he screamed, “She’s dead, you buck!”
I would later reflect on the substitution of words for that curse, but at the moment, my attention was entirely on him and his pure hate he had for me for what I had said. If I could take my words back, I would apologize, but my thoughts were paralyzed from what I just did to the stallion. When I did open my mouth, he immediately shouted me down. “No! You shut your mouth before I stuff you in a bridle!”
I complied.
His voice quieted, but every bit of what he felt was clear to me. “You’re new here, so let me tell you about Ponyville and what happens here,” he scolded, while I kept quiet, “Every few months, a new disaster hits this town, and it’s supposed to be me that holds this place together. But what in Celestia’s name can I do when a parasprite infestation eats half the town? Or when a spell makes half the town riot over a doll? All I get to do is clean-up duty. It’s all I am good for. I was in the academy for 3 years, got top marks, and I am a glorified janitor. Know what proved that to me? Do you?”
He waited for an answer from me, while I tried to get a little bit of wetness to my mouth. I know I crossed a line I shouldn’t have, and I was already dreading the fallout from the act. “Uh. No,” I forced out.
“You wouldn’t, but when an ursa minor wandered through the town two years back, it knocked over a house and crushed a wagon. You could read about it in all the papers how minor damage was to the town and how great Twilight Sparkle was in getting rid of it before any substantial damage was done to Ponyville. It’s a cold comfort when the one building it knocked over was your house, though. She died that night and all I could do is direct traffic around the demolition crew that cleaned up the remains,” he explained without once breaking his gaze on me, or even backing away the slightest from the bars. He didn’t even waver as he recounted the night to me. “I couldn’t do anything then and for every major crisis since then, I’ve been useless. But with you, it’s different for once. We can do something to stop this one, and no other pony seems to care! The Princess doesn’t get that we die when we make mistakes like this! When she makes a mistake, she gets a time-out from her eternal life, but we are dead as my wife! For all we know, you’re a scout for a damned alien invasion and, because Luna has personal issues with imprisoning a pony, you’re walking free. You being free is an insult to what happened to her and I; That’s my damned problem with you!”
By the time the rant ended, he was quite loud again, and I wasn’t about to stop him. Instead, we both stared at each other while he took several deep breaths to try and control himself. I had no idea what he was thinking, but I was hoping that there was a hole somewhere in the cell for me to crawl into after this. Then, he broke the gaze to open the door to the cell. After a loud click of a key, he threw the door right open and stepped back.
“Maybe we should settle things. Come on. Step out here. I dare you. I. Dare. You,” he challenged with a bitter eagerness that crushed the last bit of fight in me, and I was left at a loss. There was only one clear thought in my head and that was I was staying in the cell. I was annoyed and angry at Cuffs, but he was a fanatic and obsessed. There was no way I’d ever want a part of that, so I stepped back. He chuckled bitterly at my reaction and shook his head. “You’re pathetic. Close the door when you get the nerve to move.” He then left, leaving me standing there.
Only after I was sure he was out of earshot, I barely whispered nopony. “Sorry.” My hooves were still firmly rooted to the ground and I simply didn’t want to change that. I really just wanted to take back what I said.
“Why do you put up with that? I would have kicked him into next week if he talked to me like that,” came a voice from behind me and I nodded numbly in response. Then it hit me that I wasn’t alone, I jumped high into the air out of shock and turned about before I hit the ground.
“Gah!” There, framed in the window, was a frazzled, rainbow-maned pegasus, peering into my cell. “How long have you been there?” I was about 95% sure that her name was Rainbow Dash, but I hadn’t seen her since the library and frankly, I had been thinking on other things at the time.
She shrugged with her forelegs, then did her best to stifle a yawn. “Since you started yelling,” was the curt reply before she leaned right against the window’s bars. “After what you did though, he’s being a jerk and that’s entirely uncool.”
“Yeah. Most heinous,” I replied with a minor joke for my own amusement to try and lighten my mood. Of course, she didn’t get it and it didn’t work on me, so I moved on to the first question I wanted answered. “Why are you here?”
“Looking for you. Nurse Redheart saw you walk away with Cuffs before anypony had a chance to thank you for what you did for Sweetie Belle. You did a really good thing back there with you kept your head,” the rainbow tomboy answered, then narrowed her eyes. “So, why the hay are you in here now?”
“I’m here because Cuffs has issues,” I answered, and she just gave me a rather understanding nod to let me know that I was preaching to the choir. At least I finally relaxed enough to get my hooves moving, and I approached the window so I didn’t have to talk to her across the cell. “Apparently, I make a good ranging target for his frustrations.”
“Yeah. He doesn’t like me doing my trick flying over Ponyville. Also, Twilight is awake,” she said a little flippantly, “Thought you might be interested to know that too.”
I was instantly pressed up to the bars. “She’s awake? Really? I have to get out of here and see her, ASAP!” With a bit of luck, this whole week could be a memory with a few answers from her. “You have to help me out of here!”
She smiled at me proudly, as a teacher would for a student. “There we go. A bit of life out of you! If you spend more time around me, we could see you with a backbone in no time!”
That wasn’t what I expected at all from her, and I really didn’t know what to make of it. “What do you mean? I’m no pushover!” I stated defensively.
She snorted dismissively. “Every time I have seen you, it’s been you looking sorry for yourself and letting everypony beat up on you! Seriously! You were like, a hero this morning ago, and now you’re in here just looking sad.”
“We have only met three times, eh?”
“And you’re three for three.”
“Touché, Rainbow Dash,” I conceded, then gave my head a shake. “This isn’t important right now! Is Twilight Sparkle really awake?”
“What are you going to do if she is?” she asked pointedly back at me, “Are you going to buck up and get yourself out of there?”
I gave a sidelong glance to the door and considered the options I had available. “He’s a cop. And I really shouldn’t make waves, especially after what I said. Besides, he can’t keep me in here forever.”
Her hooves went to her face and she sighed. “And you were showing so much progress. Alright, you helped Sweetie, so I am going to get you out of there. Just sit tight!” There was a flurry of flapping and she was gone before I could even get a word out to ask exactly how she planned to do that. I have seen several pegasi so far show off their speed, but she was in a category of her own.
Now that I was back in my solitary confinement (with a still open door), I flopped down on my matress and wondered why I couldn’t been made a unicorn or a pegasus. The only satisfactory answer I could think of was my rotten luck, because it could be blamed for so many other things that have happened to me over the last week. I wish I had better things to think about lately; things have been so depressing for me lately.
Well, things weren’t all bad. I’ve found work, even if the world conspired against me and kept me from doing it. The local cider was pretty good and the bartender was affable. Some ponies around here even liked me, and I’d like to think that I have made at least of couple of friends. It’d be nice to get to chat, or play a few hands of cards with them once I got out of here. Or watch the sunset again. A sigh escaped my smiling lips. “Yeah. Those are all better things to think about,” I murmured to myself.
By now, I was definitely getting better at waiting, but I didn’t have to wait long. Rainbow Dash was true to her word as evidenced by a heated exchange between three ponies in the front room. I ended standing up and poking my head out of the still open door of my cell to try and hear what is being said, but even from there, that wasn’t enough. I hesitated to cross the threshold of the door because the threat that Cuffs gave me was still fresh in my memory.
“Come on, Scriber. He’s a police officer. There are rules for police officers,” I muttered to myself, “I am sure that’s what his chief keeps telling him.” Boom, two 80s references in one day. Only in the following moment, it twigged in my head that I referred to myself by that new name. My sigh was all the commentary I could give on that, so I moved on from it and out of my cell. I stepped towards the main door with an intent to eavesdrop on the conversation happening on the other side, and pressed my ear to the door.
“So, he got the filly to the hospital, and made sure she was treated, and you could’ve checked with any number of ponies to verify this, and you didn’t?” said an accented voice with confidence.
The voice was familiar. “Merlot?” I whispered to myself.
“You don’t understand the situation,” came the officer’s stunned reply.
“I understand it much better than you, actually,” he continued, “And simply put, you don’t have a hoof to stand on legally. Of course, if you put aside your feelings for the stallion, you might avoid a few choice words being passed to some patrons of my bar.”
“Yeah!” followed Rainbow dash in an appropriate colour commentary role.
There was a rather pregnant pause. “Are you threatening me?” came an outraged yell at that point. I winced because I was recently on the receiving end of such treatment, but was also curious enough to continue my approach to the door to the front.
There was no delay from Merlot. “I’d never threaten your career. You’re doing that quite well enough on your own. All I would do is get the right knowledge to the right ponies faster than it normally would.”
Wow. I knew Merlot would do a lot for a pony but he was really going out on a limb here, and I really didn’t think I deserved it at all. I barely knew any of these ponies, and they knew even less about me, but here they were, ready to pull for me. I had to do at something to show that I appreciated the efforts, so I lifted my hoof off the ground and knocked.
“Can I come out now?” I gingerly asked through the door in a voice far meeker than I intended. Several seconds passed, and I begun to think that they didn’t hear me. Just having that time to dread a response was enough to make my mouth go dry and that made repeating myself difficult. Thankfully, I didn’t have to.
“Yes,” a very begrudged officer said and the heavy door was opened for me. On the other side was Merlot and Rainbow Dash waiting for me, while Cuffs stormed right off and back to his office. I would guess that he had no interest in seeing me to freedom, and I had no problem with that. All I gave him was one more glance before he slammed a door shut behind him.
“Yup. I’m awesome and know every other awesome pony there is,” Rainbow declared triumphantly to greet me, while Merlot just gave me a much more reserved nod.
“Good to see you again, Scriber,” greeted the bartender.
“Wow, I don’t know what to say!” I said as I made my way back out and into the main room, past all the cluttered desks in the office. I was grinning rather widely, too. “I never would have thought anypony would go to bat for me like this!”
“Go to bat?” Rainbow Dash looked at me in confusion, and instantly, I recognized that I used a phrase that wouldn’t exist here. I sucked in my breath and searched for a quick answer.
Merlot covered for me by ignoring it entirely. “It’s my pleasure to help, Scriber. And, though Cuffs doesn’t realise it, I helped him too,” he replied as he extended a hoof to me and I touched it. “He’s a good pony; I don’t want to see him lose his job over this.”
“You’re the self-declared voice of reason and rationality around here, eh?”
Rainbow Dash cut in, “Yeah. He’s good at that. I think it’s because no one wants to be kicked out of his bar,” she said, “But can we talk on the road. I wasn’t kidding about the Twilight thing; she really was coming too, but the doctors want to run a bunch of tests before she can see anypony. She’ll ace them. She’s Twilight!”
Merlot gave a slight smile, and corrected, “I don’t think that they’re those sorts of tests, Mrs. Dash.” That made me chuckle.
The rainbow mare buried her face in her hooves to hide an embarrassed blush, “Ugh, don’t call me that. That was my mom. Even the new pony knows to laugh at that. Just Dash. Please. Sounds way better that way.”
“Sure thing, Dash,” I said as I lead the way to the door, but a multi-hued blurr zipped by me and out the door.
“See you there!” was her last words to us.
Merlot was right behind me. “She’s a good mare. And, once she is convinced you’re worth having as a friend, you won’t find a pony more loyal than her,” he said, “What you did for that filly really made an impression on her.”
I slowed up to let Merlot walk beside me as I started my way towards the hospital after a quick look around to get my bearings. “Thanks. Is that what she said to you?”
“No. Very little happens in this town without a word about it passing through my bar. When she came to me for help, I already could guess her reasons for it.”
I gave the stallion a glance. “You know, that sounds very sinister.”
He smiled. “I agree.”
“And that made it a lot worse.”
“Most probable.”
A bit my lip and furrowed my brow. “Just don’t use your powers for evil, eh?”
He let that hang just long enough to have my imagination start on words like, “blackmail” and “treachery”. Only then, he answered, “Only in pursuit of the greater good.”
“That wasn’t a no,” I pointed out in a slightly worried way.
He just laughed. With that established, I let the subject drop so we could move onto less worrying subjects like the origin of his name. To me, his son’s name sounded a lot more german, but he had a french name. Over the walk, he confided that his first name was actually "Rotwein" but simply got tired of mispronunciations when he moved to Ponyville. It was worse when ponies shortened it to just “Rot”. I had to agree with Merlot, even said with a hard ‘t’, that his current name sounded much nicer.
We arrived at the hospital in rather good spirits, and sharing light banter, but a glance at the building reminded me of the serious business I had ahead of me. “Are you coming in?” I asked out of politeness’ sake.
“I can’t. I do have to get back to my bar before long, but I wanted to make sure you’re well, and didn’t do anything rash,” he explained before bowing formally to me. “Now, I do think I’ll be going.”
“Hold up a second,” I said quickly, “Thanks for the help. It means a lot to me, but..” I hesitated to continue, recalling what was said earlier in the conversation.
The bartender simply motioned for me to continue.
“Well, did I just sign a deal with the Devil?” I asked, biting my lip.
He didn’t look hurt by that, but rather looked up towards the point of his horn and parsed the phrase in his head. “Oh! You mean, did you put your name in with the Nightmare?” he replied, before getting a rather wicked grin. “Perhaps. But, don’t worry, for I won’t use my powers for evil.” He then laughed in the way that only a Saturday morning villain could do, getting several passers-by looking at us as if we were mad.
“So, that’s a ‘no’, right?” I asks nervously.
He continued to laugh that way, even as he walked away from me. I think he was just joking. Yeah. He was joking. He had to be. That was way too far over the top to be in earnest.
Anyways, I walked into the hospital and towards the front desk to be confronted with a lineup of ponies all laying or sitting in seats. The most notable was the dark alicorn Luna who was talking with a brilliantly white alicorn with an ethereal rainbow for a mane. That would have to be her sister, the Sun Goddess Celestia. Both came with a full escort of guards. There was barely room for the five Elements, but they had their seats to do their anxious waiting in. If the timing was any different, I’d find it comical how tightly packed they were into the front lobby, all waiting for the go-ahead from a very stressed nurse.
I hesitated with a hoof on the door, and started rationalizing a reason to leave and come back later. Twilight would still be rather tired, and seeing me might be too much for her today, and it wasn’t as if a few quick answers would get me home right away. And, the whole missing memory thing wasn’t getting worse I think.
I nearly had myself convinced when Rainbow looked straight at me and waved for me to enter as if I had nothing to worry about. Couldn’t she see the goddess in the room with her? The one sitting there with Princess Luna. The one whose personal student I had maimed. She rolled her eyes at me and called through the door.
“Get your flank in here, Scriber!”
They all looked at me now, and my heart seized when my eyes met Princess Celestia’s. “Dammit, I am going to get smited,” I mouthed to myself, and she nearly cracked a smile at my reaction. Did she know what I just said? Or was she showing teeth before the lightening hit me. Well, I wasn’t reduced to ash yet, and she didn’t look angry, but she definitely was watching my every move carefully. Since the choice of retreating was taken away from me, I steeled my nerves and stepped into the lobby.
Guards moved to flank me quickly, though none of the actually so much as brushed my sides in passing. All could think to do now was to take off my hat and offer a clumsy bow to the divine pair. I would much rather deal with Luna; she understood my situation and had made it clear that she wouldn’t be the one to annihilate me. Of course, I hadn’t hurt her protege.
“Scriber, thou may be at ease. Nothing ill shall befall you here,” Princess Luna calmly stated with a motion for me to rise. I kept my head down; it wasn’t her that I was worried about.
“Luna is right. I even made a point of not seeing you, because I didn’t want to do anything rash out of my sadness. I would like to speak with you with Twilight though. My sister told me what she knows about you, but I would like a chance to work out why this all happened,” she said in a modern dialect. Her voice was motherly and warm, and hadn’t even a trace of ill will towards me in it.
I glanced up and slowly stood up; I was still not used to having to look up to look a pony in the eyes and the size difference alone was enough to keep me on edge, but the word of a Goddess had to be worth something. “Yes, your Highness. As you wish,” I answered with a nervous quickness.
Something touched my back and I shrieked as I was sure that this was it! I was being smited! For the second time today, I did a total wheel-about in mid air and this time, it was Fluttershy behind me, looking just as scared as me.
“Sorry!” she squeaked as she cowered down. “You just looked so scared! I just wanted to help you relax! Don’t be mad!”
“Indeed, it hath been a long time since I had seen a pony cower as such before you, Sister,” Luna added to the conversation. I looked between all the ponies assuring me and offered a slight smile back.
“Forgive me. I assumed too much, your Highness,” I stammered out. I was willing to accept that I wouldn’t end up as a smudge on the carpet, but I wasn’t going to take any chances. “Back home, there are legends about those that disappointed or wounded a god. It rarely turns out well for them.”
“What?” That was said by every pony collectively through the room.
“I can see that you two are much more forgiving. I assumed too much,” I explained quickly hoping that they didn’t take this as an insult. I couldn't help but repeat myself; I was spinning my mental tires right now.
“Who said we’re gods?” Celestia asked with her brow furrowed, then gave a very accusing glance towards her sister.
“I did no such thing!” Luna said, in a very sisterly way.
“Scriber. The princesses are ponies like you and me,” whispered Fluttershy behind me, just on the edge of being audible, “They might be more powerful and immortal, but they aren’t gods.”
In the last week, I had met good ponies, bad ponies, turned the opinions of some and had one or two that still disliked me, but this cemented the nature of ponydom in my mind. Back home, if you had a man that was immortal and could raise the sun, he’d demand to be recognized as a god. There were men that demanded it with little more than birthright or luck to back their claim, and yet here, they had two mares that clearly stood apart from the rest and yet, they didn’t want to be gods. While I processed that, the conversations continued around me, with the princesses delving into playful banter with each other about events long passed.
“You alright?” Fluttershy asked again, while I was flanked by Rainbow who gave me a rather stiff elbow to my side.
“He’s fine!” Rainbow stated before I could speak for myself, “A little screwed up, but I didn’t realise he came from that far away. You really didn’t know about the princesses?”
“Yes, please do tell us where you’re from,” encouraged Rarity, who moved closer to me.
I was drawing a total blank on how to field this, and was looking between the mares. Even Pinkamena was approaching me. I glanced at the princesses, but they were talking more between themselves than watching me. I guess that is why they had guards.
“Yeah! And while you’re at it, how is a raven like a writing desk? That’s been driving me nuts!” she demanded with a poke to the middle of my chest.
“I, uh,” I started as I tried to think of a passable line to feed them, but was coming up entirely blank.
“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and the rest of you,” Nurse Redheart called to the room, “Twilight will see you now.”
Suddenly, where I was from, wasn’t important to anypony but me. However, to me, it meant more than anything because, now I might get some answers on why I was here and how to get back.
“You know, I didn’t expect to have competition for last place,” I pointed out.
When the announcement that Twilight would see us now, what Redheart really meant was, “You may proceed from waiting in a room, to waiting in a hallway.” The room was rather small, and there was a small herd of ponies chomping at the bit to get their chance to get in to see the mare of the hour, so we’d all have to take turns. How did I go so long without using that hackneyed expression? The boredom of constant-waiting today must be getting to me.
Anyways, the princesses went in first, and the rest of the elements took up places in the line with Rainbow Dash leading the way. I moved right to the back of the line, with a healthy distance between myself and the Elements, only to discover that Pinkamena had queued up behind me. After several waves of a hoof to the mare to get her to go ahead of me, she finally did move up, only to back-cut my place in line as soon as I blinked. Literally. I closed my eyes for an instant, and she was behind me, whistling innocently, as if I’d never notice. That brings us to now.
“But you do,” she replied in a matter of fact sort of way as she buffed her hoof on her chest. She let me walk around her so I’d be in the back of the line, and this time I kept a careful eye on her. She wasn’t going to blip around me again if I could help it.
“And, why’s that? Because it’s there?” I said, “Because, I think I’m going to need a lot of time between myself and the princesses to discuss everything we need to. You’d be better off going ahead with the rest of your friends.”
“I know,” she replied as if that was a complete answer before she sat down heavily in place beside me.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be the ‘Element of Laughter’?” I pointed out to her, “Shouldn’t you be, you know, funny and happy?”
She turned to me, and stuck her hoof up in the air, full of bluster and gusto and even took a long, deep breath to be totally prepared for what I was sure to be the complete and total rebuttal, then...
Nothing.
She sank back down, frowned rather bitterly and (looked rather adorable, but I was not about to tell her that) in her dejected display. “Yeah. Usually. I guess, I should be. I can be! I mean, no pony throws a better Pinkie Party than me. And, I know a bunch of jokes.”
Normally, I would let her sulk but it really didn’t suit her, so I sat myself down beside her. “I don’t think it’s a punchline that is really bugging you. I’m about the closest thing to a neutral party around here, so what’s up?”
She mulled over it. “I saw a doozie coming, and I didn’t know what it meant! I didn’t do anything to help her, and you ended up crashing right into her,” she quietly sighed with her head turned to the ground. Even when down, she spoke quickly.
It’s hard to look sympathetic when confused. “Okay. I understood none of that, but I take it that is a bad thing, eh? What’s a doozie?”
There a rather clear realisation that came over Pinkamena. “Oh! You don’t know what ‘Pinkie Sense’ is. I get ticks and funny feelings sometimes, right before stuff happens.”
“You feel things before stuff happens? These things tell you about the stuff so you can do stuff to help with the things?” If she was going to be vague, I was going to follow suit.
“Yeah,” she agreed, “Now the thing is, that stuff when you showed up, wasn’t something I knew the things for, so when you showed up, that wasn’t any stuff I expected. But, I knew from the stuff there was going to be something.”
I think I was following her, but I decided to translate. “So, because you felt something that you never felt before, you should have known I was going to appear?”
“You got it.”
“You know, I think there isn’t a court that would convict you for that, Pinkamena,” I said encouragingly and I even gave her a friendly pat on the side. “If you really feel bad about it, talk it over with your friends later, but they’ll forgive you. Heck. They’re giving me a fair shake and I have done less to deserve it.”
“But, I feel real bad about it! I should’ve done something! Anything even, and Twilight got hurt because I didn’t do anything,” said Pinkamena and as she spoke, her pitch and speed of voice got faster with her rising emotions. She looked close to tears with her eyes rimming up with a little wetness. How could I look at her and not feel bad?
“Pinkamena. You’re fine. You and your friends are apparently the best friends, period. And, I don’t mean that as hyperbole. You guys are literally, and measurably the best friends a pony could have, if my reading on the subject is true.” I looked past her to her friends, who were talking amongst themselves about what they were going to say, and do as soon as they saw Twilight. It would seem we were both forgotten entirely in the excitement. “You should be with them. Not fighting for the back of the line with me.”
“Maybe, I just wanna be in the back. Save the best for last?” she tried. I didn’t buy that for a second. But once again, I had a plan.
I leaned in and whispered to the mare. “Alright. How’s about this. I’ll answer the whole “Raven and Writing Desk” thing,” I suggested, “But what you have to do is go over there, and wait with the rest of your friends.”
“You’ll seriously answer it? Because it’s been driving me nuts!” she whispered right back.
“Cross my heart, and hope to die.”
The reaction to the minor oath was about the same as the last time I used it. “That’s horrible! And you’re so close to a Pinkie promise with it. Soooo, repeat after me. Cross my heart and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye.”
I snorted and had a hearty chuckle at the very childish rhyme, but, if that is what she preferred, I could give it. “Alright. Cross my heart and hope to fly. Wait. Don’t pegasi already fly? Why would they even worry about that part?”
She put her forehead to mine and leaned in. “Just say it,” she ordered, “If I started making sense now, that would just raise questions.”
“Alright, alright. Fine. Cross my heart Stick a cupcake in my eye,” I said, then she took my hoof and put it through the motions of the oath. A cross over my chest, followed by “Ow!” My hoof just touched my eyeball! What a weird feeling.
“Don’t worry. Everypony does that their first time with a Pinkie Promise,” she said before grinning. “Now, lay it on me!”
I was willing to forgive her for making me poke myself in the eye, especially with the revelation I was going to give her, but it still needed a rub to feel better. She was already there, brow furrowed and in a state of readiness for the information I was about to relay to her. I leaned right in again and put my mouth as close to her ear as possible without actually touching it, and whispered, “There is no real answer.”
Her face fell from intense concentration directly to total confusion. “What?” was her deadpan reply.
“Yup. It was a nonsense riddle that was in a book I like. It never gave an answer for it,” I chuckled, “The whole book wasn’t big on logic.”
“It’s not a riddle if there’s no answer for it,” she finally stated, “Otherwise, the whole thing is just crazy!”
I sat back on my haunches and shrugged at the mare. “Hey, I didn’t write it. Take it up with the Mad Hatter if you have a problem with it.”
“I could do that, or I could have a much better idea!” she stated before rubbing her hooves together. A diabolical scheme was forming, I was sure of it. “And, I’ve you to thank for it!”
“My God! What new madness have I unleashed in my feckless pursuits?” I said with a healthy heap of false drama, “But in all seriousness, go be with your friends.”
“Kay.” She then bounded off, looking happier about things as she went. I don’t think the riddle was bothering her that much, but maybe I simply got her mind of her real issues. Not my problem though, and I went to sit only to have something pushing me from behind towards the rest the group.
I wish my yelp was manlier, but the sudden presence on my flank revealed that it to be the polar opposite. Worse still, I found my hooves didn’t have enough purchase to stop the irresistible force, but I could turn about enough to see that it was Pinkie that was pushing me down the hallway. “How did you get there? ”
“Doesn’t matter, and you said, ‘Be with your friends’, and I decided to stop being mad at you, and be a friend, so you belong over here too!” she explained
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it! And how are you so strong?” My scrabbling back hooves weren’t enough to stop the push in time, and before I knew it, I was in the midst of five mares. Four of which were staring at me and the fifth just looked very pleased in what she just did. She didn’t even offer a word of explanation while she claimed a seat of her own. I, on the other hoof, was feeling quite out of place and nervous. “Uh, hello again.”
“Well, she got him over here. Ya owe me ten bits,” Applejack said with a sly smirk at Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, yeah. You know I’m good for it. It’s my fault for betting against Pinkie, so don’t get too smug about this,” Rainbow replied with a roll of her eyes.
“It’s good for you to join us, Scriber,” Rarity said to welcome me into the little circle. “You looked so terribly lonely over there, by yourself.”
“It’s not good to be alone at a time like this. You really should have as many ponies as possible to help you,” added Fluttershy. “It’s nice that you’re here, and not all by yourself.”
“Well, I guess so,” I admitted, but I was unsure if I would actually call these mares friends. I would consider them friendly acquaintances at the most, but I had to admit that they were much nicer to be around now that they weren’t flinging accusations at me.
There wasn’t much time to get used to the company before the two princesses left the small room that the patient was in. “Twilight is ready to see you all now. Just remember, she is still rather weak, so be careful with her,” said Princess Celestia.
The rest of the group filed in, but I waited behind. “I think, I should let them have their time together, Princess. Besides, I think we have a some stuff to talk about.”
“Of course, but I thought we would wait until we were with our student to start investigating your arrival,” came that infinitely calm voice from Celestia, and she waited until the door closed. Through it, I could hear excited and relieved voices talking. She must look better than she did when I saw her a few days ago.
“It’s not about that. I had a run in with the local law enforcement, Your Highness,” I admitted with some shame.
“What didst thou do?” Luna asked, looking rather concerned at the revelation.
“Nothing at first, really, but Officer Cuffs has some ‘concerns’ about the security risk I am. I crossed a line, and things were said and now we are on less-than-friendly terms. But, he did have a point when he said I am a credible risk to this world. I would like a chance to answer his concerns straight up, as a sign of good faith at some point.” I wasn’t sure of the protocol for addressing royalty, so I offered a quick half-bow to the pair after I finished speaking.
“A conversation like that would be better done somewhere in private and secure,” Celestia replied after a moment’s consideration, and her sister nodded in agreement.
“Tis a good suggestion. But Celestia is right; This is no place for such things,” Luna added.
“Well, my truck is rather isolated and I could demonstrate some of the things,” I suggested, “And maybe, after we talk, I could ask a favour of you and have you make Officer Cuffs back down, Your Highnesses?” Even making the request made me nervous. I was still dealing with the divine, even if they didn’t say they were.
“I think we can do that,” Celestia said with a friendly smile. “If you’re going to be open with us, the least we can do is show you hospitality in return.”
“Thank you both,” I said, with another, deeper bow. It would be good to actually clear the air between Cuffs and I, so I wouldn’t end up arrested for any and all reasons.
A moment passed, then Luna spoke up. “How hath thou been enjoying this land? Other than the, “run in with the law”, that is?” Her old accent faded as she used the more modern colloquialism. It made me smile to hear the forced modernisation.
“It’s been nicer than I expected, to be honest, even with all the troubles. Of course, that is what concerns me, though. It’s been too easy getting used to, well, this,” I said as I made a gesture to my pony body. “And, I can’t remember a few things about life back home. It’s worrisome because, while I feel bad about it, I feel like it’s not a big deal, when it clearly is.”
The pair nodded slightly to that, but they didn’t have any immediate advice to offer. “Transformation spells art uncommon because they doth come with risks. Especially to the mind of the transformed,” Luna explained and Celestia gave her smaller sister an assuring brush of her wing.
At least it was a known risk, was all I could think. If it is known, they must have ways of compensating for it, if not correcting it entirely, so that was good news of sorts. We went back to the awkward waiting. I would never have guessed in a million years that I would be in a waiting room with a couple of self-denying goddesses.
“If I might ask, your Highnesses, if you’re not gods, what are you? You certainly seem to be from where I am sitting,” I asked, trying to fill the air.
“We’re alicorns, my little pony. Nothing more or less,” Celestia stated as if that was all the explanation that was needed.
That left me stymied on how to continue, but I wasn’t really able to expand on that because I would have to go into the faiths and beliefs from home, and we already agreed to have that discussion later. Besides, I still really didn’t believe that they weren’t gods. They had all the right qualities to fit in with an ancient pantheon back on Earth, except for the ego that accompanied the divinity. “This place is strange.”
“I am sure we’d find your true home strange as well. For example, Luna has told me of the strange nature of some of your tools and I’m interested in seeing them for myself,” Celestia said.
“I’ll do my best to explain what I can about them,” I replied, “As soon as I pick them up from Sweet Apple Acres, that is. They got left there before the whole, arrested-thing.”
“We have time to wait for you then,” Luna replied.
“How is Twilight, anyways?” I finally asked. I might have been on the verge of seeing her for myself, but, why not get a preview. Both of their faces fell.
“She’s is doing better than expected,” Celestia answered somberly, “But, there definately has been a mark left on her from the ordeal. I don’t blame you for it, but I do wish you never came to our land.”
“That makes two of us,” I muttered, feeling rather terrible for myself once more. “I want to go and get myself some coffee or something. Do either of you two want anything?” I mentally kicked myself afterwards for talking to the pair as if they were just coworkers of mine. They didn’t seem to mind, though.
“We are quite alright, Scriber. Go ahead. We’ll keep your seat warm,” Celestia said with a smile. It was good to see she wasn’t harbouring ill will towards me for what happened. Especially since it would be easy for her to make an example of me considering all the circumstances.
I left down the halls and after a few turns, I found the hospital’s cafeteria, and the coffee. I didn’t really need it, but it was getting a little heavy in the presence of royalty. Just having a relaxing, warm drink would give me time to clear my mind. Maybe that’s why the princesses let me go without any sort of fuss.
After I squared up for the coffee, I sat down in the bustling cafeteria and let myself disappear into the crowd so I could be alone with my thoughts. I dwelled mostly on what I was going to say to Twilight. While I did want answers for what happened, this was the mare I hit full on with my truck. What could I say to her that was appropriate, and sufficient for my part of what I did? She didn’t owe me anything, even if was an accident. Then again, the ponies around this town have been, for the most part, generous, and friendly towards me. Maybe it would be enough to just apologize to her, and we could move right onto getting me home from there. With a little luck, it might even be easy to get me home if the real causes were known. After all, apparently both princesses did support me in that.
I went for another sip, only to find that the coffee vanished too quickly for my liking. I was dreading what could happen in that hospital room, no matter how unlikely it was. I ended up staring at up at my dark yellow hoof, and sighing. Not long ago, I had hands, but now just the thought of having those long, dangly fingers again seemed entirely foreign to me. The disconnect from my former body had been plaguing me ever since I arrived here. Would I forget what I was entirely over time if I stayed here?
Speaking of ‘staying here’, the clock was telling me that it’s been a half hour since I left for a coffee, and it was getting close to evening. I hope Bon-Bon would forgive yet another delay, but getting some answers would come first. I got back to my hooves, and walked back to the room, and the door was slightly open. I took that as an open invite to me and walked into the room.
The room itself was different in the better light. Large bouquets lined the walls of the room, and every available tabletop held “get well” cards. It was evident a lot of ponies knew and cared for Twilight. And, the mare herself was sitting up on all fours, flanked on either side of the bed by a Princess, talking to them. They didn’t notice my entrance into the room right away.
“So, my brother isn’t going to come to see me for another week?” Twilight asked disappointedly, with her head turned away from me so she might look at Celestia.
“He and Cadance are both in the middle of building a new nation. As much as it pains him, he cannot simply leave that. He will be with you as soon as he can,” Celestia answered, but I could tell that it pained her to say that.
Then, that lavender mare turned her head to look at the other princess, but it stopped on me. We shared a knowing gaze that acknowledged fully what connected us together. I couldn’t say she looked much better than she did when I first saw her, but she was moving and talking. Her horn was still splinted, and now she had a thick gauze padding over half of her face, with it sunken notably in over where the eye was supposed to be. A metal brace was on one of her forelegs, making faint squeakings as she moved it to brace herself facing me. There was no doubt that she was examining every inch of her assailant.
“You’re Scriber, aren’t you?” she finally asked, with a surprisingly inscrutable tone. Her one good eye was locked on me.
“Yes, I’m him,” I answered cautiously, wondering how she was going to handle this. I have pictured screaming fits, demands for retribution or outright hostility. The princesses both stood back to let this happen. Surely, I deserved whatever was coming.
“I can’t believe I did this!” she nearly squealed suddenly as she moved as close as she could while staying on her bed. For a pony that looked rather broken, she could still move well, and spoke with a manic drive, “I mean, it wasn’t what I meant to do, but you’re still here. A pony from a whole different world! I have to get Spike here so we can have a proper interview. We have to get all the details down as soon as we can! I mean, it’s only been a week so not much should be lost.”
I blinked several times and was dumbfounded. “Wuh.”
“We explained who you were to her, so she wouldn’t be too surprised,” Celestia said as a stage-whisper to explain her reaction.
“I’m sorry. I’m Twilight Sparkle,” she said, offering out a hoof out to me. I numbly touched it with mine.
“And, I’m the guy that ran you over. Aren’t you going to threaten me with a lawsuit, at least?” I didn’t want that, but it felt like I was a guilt-ridden wreck for days over something that didn’t seem to be a big deal at all.
It was her turn to be confused. She sat herself down and resumed staring at me. “What? Why would I do that? I want to know about where you came from, and how I got you here, not sue you.”
“It’s not that I want to be sued, but look at yourself. I hurt you pretty badly,” I said pointing at the brace. “I guess, I’m really saying is, I’m sorry.”
She settled down and shrugged. “I know you are,” she replied somberly, “And, so am I. I don’t know what I did, but I made a mistake to get you here.” When she admitted to making an error, I could see her look between the silent princesses as if ashamed.
“Well, let’s leave it like that then. Besides, I think we have some things to talk about,” I said with a slight smile.
Princess Celestia stepped in at this point. “It’s good to see you both being so forgiving of each other, but Scriber is correct. I am curious about how he was brought here.”
“I as well, Twilight. I was with thee when it happened, and still I’m unsure of how this occurred,” Princess Luna added.
“To be honest, I’m not really sure either. I mean, I totally didn’t want to summon anypony from anywhere else,” Twilight answered, “The spell was supposed to be a surprise for you, Princess. I haven’t a clue what went wrong.”
“What was the spell supposed to do?” Celestia prompted her student.
“Well, what it was supposed to do is make a permanent connection between Ponyville and Canterlot. You know how it takes nine and three-quarter hours to make the trip between the two by train? I wanted to eliminate that entirely for everypony permanently, that way, I could always come visit you. I thought my calculations were perfect.
“Anyways, I couldn’t actually create a self-sustaining effect myself. The best I could do is create a small effect for a few minutes before the power I could put into the ‘highway’ ran out. So, I asked for Luna’s help to power it. Even if a permanent ‘teleportation highway’ isn’t possible, an alicorn should have enough power to establish it for a longer period. But, I don’t know why it would deviate so drastically from where I intended.”
I listened to Twilight carefully, because this was what I was hoping for, and so far, the discussion hadn’t devolved into jargon. “I take it that this is not something commonly done, eh?” I asked.
“Nay, Scriber. Teleportation is naught but an single event. To set up a ‘highway’ would be a remarkable turn the science of magic,” Luna answered, and both Twilight and Celestia nodded in agreement.
“Well, talk us through it, Twilight. What are the steps of creating the highway?” I asked, “I might not know magic, but I consider myself rather clever from time to time. Maybe I can spot something you missed?”
“Alright. First, I established the powersource for the spell. This time, I was using Princess Luna, so it took a little long than normal because it was so much more than I’m used to, but once that was done, I established a basic safety guideline for the spell. The third step was set the defining parameters for for the entrances. I didn’t get to the last step before I was interrupted, but that would have been “propping” the highway open with a final burst of magic,” she said, ticking off the steps with swipes of her good hoof in the air, “Obviously something happened when I defined the ends of the spell.”
“Then, Twilight, what were the definitions you used?” Princess Celestia asked.
“Well, Canterlot was one end, and that road outside of Ponyville was the other. I don’t know why the spell jumped like it did to where Scriber was,” she said right back, looking upset, then she perked up. “Well, I didn’t exactly use the names in specific. I looked up an unnamed road outside of Canterlot, and well, I indulged, and called it my own highway purposes of the spell.” Both princesses scowled slightly at that admission. “I know, I know. It’s a conceited of me to do that, but, this would be big and I wanted to make sure my name was on it. Like Starswirl, and his spells!”
“So, It was a connection between Twilight’s own highway, and that dirt road,” I muttered to myself, and missed what was actually being said between the princesses and Twilight. That sounded rather familiar, actually. It only took a couple of moments to actually click to what the link could be could be. One heck of a coincidence came to mind and put my hoof to my face. The logic behind my thoughts was so stupid, it had to be correct. “Ah, bloody hell. You got to be kidding me.”
Five eyes fell on me as soon as the curse was said, and I blushed in shame. “What I meant to say was, I think I have an idea of why the spell targeted me. I called the road I was on the ‘Twilight Zone Highway’.”
“Neither of those names sound like the other,” Luna pointed out. Right, I was speaking Equestrian right now, and the words didn’t quite line up properly. Much like that song I ran through, the cadence was about right, but the sounds were entirely different..
“Actually, in the language I spoke back there, they sound pretty much identical,” I returned.
“That is quite the stretch, Scriber,” Princess Celestia added, while Twilight looked like she was working out something complex in her head. “It wouldn’t make sense for that alone to be the reason you were pulled.”
“It might actually,” Twilight interrupted, and she let her musings on the subject run wild. She could talk up a storm, evidently, ”You were there at one end of the spell, with the proper name, and that would anchor the spell more than just me saying that it was the name. I never thought it possible, but I think I might of succeeded in pulling you across dimensions! That’s so cool! But, that only works if this world and your origin world are close. Even with an alicorn fueling the spell, they would have to be very similar.”
“Well, they are! Seriously, this place has so many things that are the same. A lot of plants and animals, most of the rules of physics, baring magic, and whole lot of other things too. Heck, you use the same current in your power lines even,” I pointed out to the trio, “But, if what you’re saying is true, that means the whole thing wasn’t a random chance. I’m only here because we are so close.” The idea made my head hurt, but I wasn't about to say that.
“Interesting,” Twilight replied, and both the royal sisters hummed introspectively, and all three were, without a doubt, thinking about the implications of what I said.
“That doesn’t explain why I’m a pony now, or why my memories are all messed up,” I said, breaking the pause.
“How dost thou mean, ‘messed up’?” Princess Luna asked with her brow furrowed in concern.
“Why didn’t you tell us that right away?” said Twilight, with much more alarm in her voice.
I shook my head quickly, feeling guilty now for keeping that fact to myself. “I don’t know. I just don’t like thinking about it, and I didn’t think it would help much anyways, without Twilight here to answer questions.”
“You mentioned it, but this sounds very serious, Scriber. Can you explain to us what has changed in your mind?” Princess Celestia asked in a tone that was between her sister’s and Twilight’s.
“Well, I don’t think anything is missing, but recall that it’s my memories and mind is messed up, so I might not be a good judge. Things are changed in my head. The names of people that were important to me have changed to pony names in my head. I can’t look at the picture of the old me and think that its me. And, I can't bring myself to even panic about it. It scary, and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t even tell if it’s getting worse or better, because it’s my head that’s all messed up.” The more I said, the more I felt worse about it. Just thinking about the idea of losing myself was terrible. I even gave my eyes a quick pass with a hoof so I wouldn’t water up too much.
“Do you always ignore your problems?” chastised Princess Celestia. There was no malice in the question, but she also looked at me as if I would slip away the instant she blinked.
“Well, no. Not usually. I mean, all this has been above and beyond anything I have dealt with before,” I said, feeling like a scolded child under the intense gaze, “But, I have been ignoring this. It’s just something so much bigger than me.”
“Sometimes, we all have to ask for help,” she continued. “There’s no shame in it, Scriber, and you’re among friends here. But, you do need to ask, or how can we know that you need it?”
She put me under the figurative spotlight, and all three waited for me to speak. There were other ponies that I would have to talk to about this. They were all willing to help, but I was barely letting them know about the extent of my issues. The immortal solar goddess that has lived at least a thousand times longer than I was unsurprisingly correct. It would have to start by me asking. “I need help,” I finally admitted to them
“And, we will help you,” Princess Celestia said, and I felt like I just went through an afterschool special with one of the saccharine endings that get narrated over to reinforce the moral. It wasn’t a bad feeling, but it wasn’t what I expected when I came here. A dark and a light aura lit up around me and I could trace them back to the two princesses, both of which had their heads down in concentration.
“They are just searching for any lingering auras from the accident, Scriber,” explained Twilight. “I’d do it too, but, until my horn heals, I can’t even levitate a feather. But, I can go over the other effects that the spell was supposed to have while they do that.”
“Well, you said it was a safety protocol that came before the teleportation,” I asked, trying not to laugh as those auras tickled over me.
“It’s standard for all teleportation spells so you don’t end up teleporting yourself into a rock, or until an immediate danger. I used a simplistic safety, so I could concentrate on the actual body of the spell,” she said, recounting the spell. “It stipulates that the teleported will be comfortable where they land.”
“Comfortable? That sounds very vague,” I answered.
“It’s supposed to be a very general catch-all. That’s the idea, or you would have to make a stipulation for every conceivable hazard that might occur,” she explained.
The auras died away around me before I could pursue that line of questioning more, and the princesses roused in unison. “Well. We bring good news for thee, Scriber,” the Lunar Princess said, and I looked hopeful. “Thou art a healthy, strong stallion.” Her sister gave her a glower for the poorly timed joke. “Sorry,” she apologized.
“Forgive my sister. She’s still getting used to how to relate to other ponies again. That aside, there isn’t a trace of enchantment on you,” continued Princess Celestia. “The real good news about that is there is no reason to believe your state of mind is being altered further, but only you might recognize how damaged they are. You might just be discovering it over time, and that is why it feels like it’s progressing.”
“So, there’s no quick fix to any of it?” I asked as I took in the information.
“Well, if we knew what you were, when you first came to Equestria, we’d be able to rebuild your previous form, but all we have is what you have told us. And, those memories are incomplete or damaged, by your own admission,” she continued, looking unhappy to say that. The room went into thoughtful silence as we reflected on what we have pieced together so far. It wasn’t as positive as I hoped, but it wasn’t hopeless either.
“Wait! Twilight. Did thou set a limit to that portion of thy spell?” Luna suddenly blurted and that got all of our attentions on her.
“No, I didn’t,” stammered Twilight, looking mortified and covering her face under her hooves, “I didn’t think I’d need one! It’s all my fault!”
“It’d explain the other half of the puzzle, but don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s a mistake, but we can work through this,” said the Solar Princess in an effort to calm her student.
I stuck my head in at that point. “Can you explain what you’re all talking about?” I asked nervously, not liking the sounds of this at all. All three seemed to be making a large deal of it.
“As it was mentioned, the purpose of the safety was to protect the traveller, however, when there is no limits placed, it can get overzealous because it is, as you said, vague,” Celestia explained calmly, but she had a look of well-hidden worry on her face. “If the spell interpreted that you being the only human in Equestria as ‘uncomfortable’, it might of take action to correct it. For most unicorns, that would never happen, but Twilight was tapping into Luna for more power than she usually had access to.”
“And, it would also explain why there’s no enchantment on you personally, Scriber. I never cast anything on you. Usually, a transformation spell is like a coat of paint. It’s a covering and fixing it is easy as removing the paint. Or dispelling the spell. But, what happened to you would have been more akin to a forge. It was remaking you as somepony who could live here “comfortably”. When I was hit, the spell ended, leaving it incomplete. It’s all my fault you’re here like this” Twilight explained, looking terribly ashamed of herself to the point of crying. Her one eye welled up with tears and Celestia spread a wing around her to hold her.
I took a breath and blinked several times while I processed this new information. I think the emotional weight of all that has yet to hit me, because I felt entirely speechless, but I knew I didn’t want to be around when it did because I knew I would want to yell, kick and scream.
“Thanks you, all of you,” I finally said, “That helped a lot. I need to go and think for a while. I might have some questions later tonight, but right now, I need space. And, I’ll visit you Twilight when I feel better. I still forgive you for what it’s worth.”
“We will see you tonight, after Luna raises the moon. We’ll make an effort to think of solutions,” Celestia said, then she turned to her distraught student to comfort her. Luna was there too, trying to help. I was sure she’d be fine.
The cafeteria was perpetually busy with ponies coming and going constantly through the place with their lunches. The constant shuffle made it easy for me to just to sit down and blend in with crowd for the last hour or so, nursing yet another cup of coffee. I was up to three already since I had left Twilight’s room. Some people had comfort foods; I had comfort drinks, and did I ever need it now.
Even after sitting and staring into that black brew for the last hour, I still wasn’t sure if I was told good news or bad news back there. Maybe it just balanced out to being news? It was a good thing that I wasn’t losing my mind actively, but I still might find out more that was missing or changed. They didn’t say changing me back to a human was impossible, but they simply lacked detailed information on what a human was, so that might have to wait until we could get more. And, apparently I was still close to home in terms of dimensions, so getting home didn’t sound far-fetched, but no pony jumped to offer any solutions on how to do it.
I sipped the bitter coffee. Ponies really didn’t know how to make a good cup of the stuff. I suppose I would have to teach them before long if I had any hope of a good cup of joe.
Anyways, I was still stuck. A lot of this hinged on a magic spell done by a mare that couldn’t do magic for the next few months, and even then, the solutions were all theoretical. I didn’t even understand magic well enough to actually help anypony solve the problems, so all I could do for the next three months is live the best I could. I didn’t have a real place here, even with a partial spell on me to mitigate that. I sighed and closed my eyes. “I hope they’ll remember me back home.”
I would have stayed there to ruminate on my plight more, when there was a tug on my tail, and I turned around to see a freshly bandaged up Sweetie Belle and two ponies that I assumed to be her parents with her. “Hey Mister Scriber! Why are you sitting alone in here?” she asked with a big smile on her face.
I glanced down to see that her hoof was well bandaged and she was keeping her weight off of it. “Hey there, how are you doing? Looks like the doctors have you all patched up, eh?” I said while I mentally pocketed my angst for later use.
“It’s still sore and the doctors said there’s going to be a really big scar, but it’s feeling a lot better,” she said, then she looked to the other two ponies. “These are my mom and dad. Mom, dad. This is Scriber. He got me here, after I got hurt.”
I looked between the two. Her mother was a pink unicorn mare with a truly impressive blue beehive-style mane, but more notably, she was dressed, right down to the tight spandex pants. She instantly reminded me a bit of Peggy from Married with Children thanks to her sense of style. The father was a white stallion with a straw hat over his grey-brown mane. The lack of colour was made up for by the loudness of his Hawaiian shirt.
“The name’s Magnum. Thank you for helping out our little filly, but you’d swear she’d be better just walking it off with how fast the emergency room is here,” he said with a loud and boisterous laugh as he gave me a solid hoofshake. I think. We more just touched hooves and pressed, but it seemed solid enough, now that I have done the gesture a few times.
The mare stepped up to my other side and gave me a hug. I swear I felt my ribs shift as she squeezed me. “Oh yeah, I don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t there. It could have been so much worse, don’t ya know?” she said. Both of them had familiar thick accents thick accents that made me ponder on the possibility of an Equestrian equivalent to Fargo.
Eventually they both fell back from me and let me have my space. “It was the least I could do. I’m glad that everything worked out and Sweetie is alright,” I replied with an embarrassed smirk on my face. I must admit that being the hero felt nice; I should’ve played it up earlier than this.
“So, Scriber, I’d like to invite you to dinner next Saturday. My wife is a wonderful cook and Sweetie can help out too. What do you say?” he offered. That was a few days from now, I think. To be honest, this day felt like it was months in the making and it would take a few days just to get my bearings again.
I was going to be around anyway, so why not. “Of course, I can show up. Just to warn you, I eat a lot,” I answered.
“Well, that’s good, because we can cook a lot too, eh?” the mother said, “But we should be getting home. Sweetie needs her rest. We are in the house by the bridge with the uprights in the back yard. You can’t miss us!”
He looked at the time and my eyes followed his to the clock. It was getting to the evening hours now, so getting going did sound like a good idea because I still had things to do today. “I’ll be there. I’ll bring some wine or something to go with dinner,” I said.
“Oh my, that sounds wonderful. I’ll make my speciality,” the mother said, and I realised that I missed her name, if they even mentioned it. “Come on Sweetie Belle. Let’s get going, and get you right in bed.”
“Bye Mister Scriber,” she said and she gave me a little squeeze around one of my legs, as that’s all she could reach. I swear my heart nearly melted from a cute overload.
“You guys take care of her, and see you soon,” I replied, giving the little filly a little pat behind the ears with my other hoof. They gave me a round of farewells, pried Sweetie Belle from my leg and were off for their home. It didn’t take long to vanish into the dinner crowd that had filled the cafeteria.
That encounter was much nicer than I expected. Maybe I could do something good here and really enjoy myself. Magnum actually seemed like a nice stallion, and I think I noticed he had footballs for a cutie mark. I should really start paying more attention to those things. Before now, it didn’t even occur to me to even look for them, but I now, I kind of hoped that he’d be a guy I could chat about sports with. Sure, I might be on a different plane from the CFL, but strangely enough, that didn’t impact my odds of seeing the Blue Bombers get to the Grey Cup this year. If I was to be around here for a while, maybe I should ask him if there’s a league to watch anywhere around here.
It was just barely an hour ago when I got the news that returning to my home wouldn’t be a simple issue of simple horn wave, and already I’m making plans of changing my team loyalties. The implications of that made me stare thoughtfully into my coffee, because it was more than a sports team to me. It was everyone I spent time watching the games with that I wasn’t going to have anymore. “Relax. It’ll be only for this season,” I muttered to give myself a little reassurance, “You’re going to find a way home.”
I gave the black brew one more swirl in its disposable paper cup before I slurped down the rest of it. I should really make one more stop on the way back to my truck to get my tools from the Apple family, but to be frank, my heart wasn’t really in it because I had to get my mind on other things, namely a discussion with the pair of deities about my former species. I didn’t really care what they said about their apparent divinity because, in my book, they still hit all the points needed to be a god in my book. The last thing I wanted to do is bungle this presentation, because that might mean them closing the door on my return home on a more permanent basis. I had to be honest, open, and yet, keep everything in the best sort of light for them.
I got up and made my way through the crowd of ponies in the cafeteria, and to the outside. So, for what seemed like the thousandth time today, I went for a walk across the town. It’s funny; I spent most of today just sitting on my flanks, and not doing anything, but I felt drained entirely. At least tomorrow should be better for me. I already had a plan to swing by the Sweet Apple Orchard early as possible in the morning, get my tools and go to Bon-Bon groveling for forgiveness for not getting back to her. I wasn’t going to make any excuses for myself, though I suppose I had a big list of them at this point. Last thing I wanted to do is to do work pro bono, but it might be the only way to save face at this point. How frustrating.
With that bit of planning done, I moved onto planing what I wanted to say to the Princesses. I already started to explain humanity to Princess Luna when I first arrived, and it didn’t exactly leave my former species in the best of lights. I think now that I had a clearer picture of the important differences between humans and ponies, I could speak to them, and explain better what they need to know, even with my muddled memories. Needless to say, the time that it took me to get between my hospital and the truck didn’t seem anywhere near long enough for me to feel ready.
When I made it back, the sisters were already waiting for me at the truck and Celestia was examining it carefully from bumper to bumper. There wasn’t a guard in sight.
“Your Highnesses, I didn’t expect to see either of you here already,” I called from the path leading to my truck. Over the last week of ponies going back and forth over it, it had moved from being nothing more from pushed over grass, to something that looked like it could be a little dirt track with a little work. That was going to be an issue if it rained. I’ll have look into fixing that.
“Twilight must have her rest, Scriber,” Princess Luna said, “So, We chose to come here, rather than inconvenience the hospital staff further. We hope that this isn’t an affront to you.”
I was pretty quick to shake my head at that, while I stepped up my pace to get to the truck. Once I was close enough, I gave a deep bow to the pair. “No, not at all. Just didn’t expect you. Nothing more or less, your Highnesses.”
“There’s no need for so much formality, Scriber. We’re visiting your home, after all,” Princess Celestia said after giving the crash-damaged front of my truck one last look.
I stood up slowly and looked between the two sisters, coming to terms with the fact that there were two beings that were totally above me in every way. At least they were willing to forgive some of my failings. “If you say so. I think I want to jump right in on what I want to say, or I’ll lose my nerve.”
“Then go ahead. We’re used to getting reports and speeches at the Royal Court,” Princess Celestia said. She came around to the back of my truck and sat with her sister, who was already waiting for me to begin. They looked interested in what I had to say, but that didn’t stop my mouth from going dry. This was worse than any presentation I had to give before, and I hadn’t done one of those since high school.
I cleared my throat. “What I said on my first night here wasn’t a lie, but it hardly is the whole story, your Highnesses. As a whole, humans are an aggressive, that segregate themselves over anything and everything they can, and will fight over the lines that they draw, no matter how arbitrary the lines seem. Wars have been fought over nationalities, resources, politics, religions, and other beliefs. Fighting is just something they do.
“But, what I want to make clear right now, is that when I said they are aggressive, I mean that in a positive way too. They are aggressively charitable, inventive, explorative, creative, and protective. If it can be done, there’ll be a human that, not only does it, he’ll film it and start a fan magazine about it. Maybe, it’s because humans aren’t ever content with how things are? I don’t know, and that’s a little more speculative than where I want to go with this, but it’s that drive that makes them the best and worst species.”
“Do you still consider yourself ‘human’?” Celestia asked directly. My instincts screamed that she was trying to figure out how biased I was being.
That’s the sort of question that has been floating around in my head for a long while now, and I wasn’t anywhere close to an answer. “I don’t know. Part of me, I guess, but I’m always reminded that I’m not everytime I look at myself in a mirror.”
She nodded and motioned for me to continue.
“I guess, I’ll start with what you’re most likely worried about. Do humans actually pose a threat to Equestria?
“They could. If it came down to an outright armed conflict, I don’t think Equestria would stand a chance. You’re horribly, laughable out gunned in every sense of the word when it comes to military tech. Here, the lance seems to be the cutting edge, at home, that’s about half of millenium out of date. I’m not kidding when I say that humans can erase a city with the push of a button with some of the bigger weapons. Even the personal weapons of a single soldier is capable of reducing steel plate armour to swiss cheese in seconds at a distance.
“However, I doubt it would ever come down to an armed conflict between ponies and humans, but I could see humans taking massive advantage of you. I think it’s because there’s a fundamental difference between how ponies and humans think. Ponies seem to have a stronger herd instinct that binds them together; you trust fairly easily. I’ve seen it since I arrived here with how I’m generally seen. Sure, my first few days were rough, but already I’m finding myself accepted by the populace, with a couple exceptions. If there’s ever ongoing contact between humans and ponies, you’re going to have to sit down and figure out some tight rules to keep China and the US from buying your country out from under you.”
The looked at me as if they didn’t really understand how that was possible.
“I’m not joking. A good chunk of the North American continent were ‘bought’ for a pittance and I see no reason that humans wouldn’t do that again if they could.”
Both princesses stopped laughing. “Humans bought a continent?” Luna asked for clarification.
“With beads and blankets infected with disease with other humans that didn’t really understand what was happening. I’m not going to try and make humans sound like saints because that’s not fair to you guys. What I’m going to tell you is there’s a lot of bad and a lot of good and let you choose what you want to do.” I paused for a moment to think where I was going. I definitely wasn’t making humans sound that good right now. I had to fix that.
“Now, what’s good about humans, eh? I think they are more inventive than ponies. When I walk through Ponyville, it just feels entirely anachronistic. Thatched houses and hydrolines? The contradictions of tech levels barely gel in my head. No cars on the streets. No airplanes in the sky. Apparently, there’s vacuum tube computers and you think that its something special. I likely have more processing power in my laptop than the rest of Equestria put together. Heck, my truck likely can start an entire industrial revolution if you guys took it, and reverse engineered it.
“What I’m trying to say is that humans have overcome their lack of strength, magic and flight with invention and technology. With it, they’ve done things like instant, world-wide communications. I’ve got my cell phone in the truck, and I can talk to anyone else with a phone with that as long as I know the right number. It’s just something you don’t have here. And, with your magic on this side, you’ve got a lot you can trade with humans. Not to mention the natural resources you got. As long as you keep your heads up, you’ll do fine and have strong allies with many human nations.”
There was a moment of silence, before I added, “Sorry. I think I started rambling.”
“That’s more than alright, Scriber,” Princess Celestia said finally after she took the break to work through what I said, “But you seem fixated on what humans can do. Can you tell me what they are in their hearts?”
The question isn’t an easy one to answer. Philosophers and doctors have been trying to answer that for as long as there have been humans to ask it, and here it was, up to me to try. “A mixed bag for sure. I think the easiest way to explain how I see it is to say, empathy isn’t inborn to a human. It has to be taught. But, it’s taught and learned because it’s the right way to be, and they know it. Humans might of been scavengers at one point, but they want to be noble now, and that means being good. At least, that’s how I always seen it while I was there. And, there are the best and most generous of souls back home, with tireless efforts to improve the lot of others. But, I’m really not the best one to be answering that. Most of us just want a fair shake, a good life with friends and family and the right to work for it all.”
“That is not unlike most ponies, Scriber, and to hear that make me thing that we have more in common than you might think,” the elder sister commented, then offered me a smile to reassure me. “I didn’t expect you were a risk to Equestria before, and now, I’m convinced of that now, though, I suspect we will have to approach the situation cautiously.”
“Huh. Just like that, eh?” I said, not expecting them to be so easily convinced.
“If we can make peace with the gryphons, who, for the longest time, saw a pony as a menu item rather than an individual, then I think we can manage to do it again with another species,” she said, then giggled. “Oh, it was terrible at the time, but time has a way of changing things.”
“I do recall sending ambassadors, and never hearing from them again. We only realised what was happening when the ponies in the High Court started to use the post as a way to rid themselves of political enemies,” added Luna, and she laughed too. “We were quite stupid back then.”
“Then, you’re lucky in one way, your Highnesses. The country that I’m from and I suspect we’d reconnect with if it’s possible to send me back, is called Canada. As far as human geopolitics go, you couldn’t ask for a better starting point. There’s little to no chance of your ambassadors being eaten. The joke is that you can step on a Canadian’s toes and he’d apologize to you for being in the way,” I said with a chuckle. “I’m sure there’d be issues, but they will be less so if you connected to somewhere like the US or China. Even so, China’s liable to even try and claim Equestria as their own through some sort of bizarre logic. That’s if it’s even possible to get the connection open again.”
“We will have the best researchers in Canterlot on it, but I suspect the trouble will not be in the spell itself as much as finding your home again,” Celestia said, and her sister gave a quick and affirming nod.
“My power will be available to help the efforts,” Princess Luna added, “If it is possible, we will get you home.”
I took a breath and fought the tears coming to my eyes with a series of rapid blinks, though I doubt I was hiding it from the two. Just hearing that they were all in to get me home took a load off of my mind and gave me more hope than I’ve had since arriving here.
“You mentioned one thing that I’m curious about though,” Celestia said, as she turned towards my truck and gave it a look. “You said, you have more processing power in your truck than the rest of the land. I would like to see some of it.”
“Oh, I got a few things I think you can have in there,” I replied, followed by me moving around to the truck’s door. The two followed me around to peer inside of it.
“You know, Sister, for an alien vessel, I expected something more alien,” Luna whispered behind my back and both Celestia and myself chuckled.
I crawled inside the cab while they looked over everything, and only after I was behind the seats to get my laptop and iPod did it occurred to me what sort of view I would’ve given the royalty. Maybe, they didn’t notice.
Luna whistled appreciatively. “Look at that, Celestia. It’s so large!”
“It is!” replied the other.
That’s it. My life is over. You can write the obituary right now; here lies Scriber Von Cassel; died of extreme embarrassment. May the angels stop snickering soon. Even so, I fought off my paralyzation and glanced back to the pair. Luna and Celestia were both peering at a map of Canada that they found in the door’s pockets. I forgot entirely about those maps I kept.
“Is this but one human nation?” Luna asked as she turned the book towards me.
“Yeah. It’s just one of many,” I replied, right before I scooped together my ‘toys’ and dragged them out, “Wait? Do you understand what’s being said on that?”
“It’s a simple translation spell. We put one on the books you left for Twilight too. I hope you don’t mind,” Princess Celestia said as she showed me the book that was now written in flawless Equestrian.
“I don’t mind at all. Why don’t you keep that book? I’m sure you’ll get more milage out of it than I ever will now. If nothing else, it makes for an interesting memento, eh?” I said as I did my best to sit up in my seat so I could unfold my laptop.
They both watched me working on, making me all the more self-conscious of how I was sitting. Neither of them paid any attention to my posture, and focused more on the electronic device on my lap. Celestia asked, “Indeed. Thank you, Scriber. Now, what is that you have there?”
“This is my laptop. It’s not exactly a beast of a machine, but it’s good enough for what I did with it. Which is watching movies, YouTube and playing the odd game while I was on the road,” I replied while I waited for windows to boot up, then I realised they didn’t get what I was saying in the least. “One thing you’ll have to know about human technology if you ever see it is that its very interconnected. Literally. There’s a thing called the ‘internet’, and what it is is a massive series of personal, government and corporate computers that all communicate with each other. With it, we can communicate, share and collaborate across the planet with pictures, videos, audio and text nearly instantly as long as you have a connection.”
“That would be of great use, Celestia. Would We be able to see this, ‘internet’?” Luna said. While she was the quieter of the two, she seemed much more interested in the random pokes of my hooves on the keys. It’s tough to hit only one at a time, but if I was careful, I could do that.
I shook my head. “No dice there. There’s simply no network to connect to, but what I can do is show you some of the things that this thing is capable of,” I said as I tapped my volume up and turned the screen to them so they could see the beginnings of an episode of Reboot. Yes, I’m a big nerd at my core. “Now, this is a show that I used to watch as a kid and still enjoy. I’ve got about thirty, twenty minute episodes on this machine, plus several other series.
“I come from the Net. Through Systems, peoples and cities, to this place; Mainframe,” played over the speakers in perfect english. Like my music, it was refreshing to hear the language, though it seemed very alien to me now.
“Human is somewhat reminiscent of gryphon, isn’t it? It’s a shame that translating spoken language magically isn’t easily done,” commented Celestia as she watched the screen with her sister.
Now, magic had another limit. “The language is called “english”. It’s as close to a universal language that humans have as anything else. Why can’t you translate it like the book? I’m not sure of all the rules of magic, you know?”
“There is no quick way to explain that without getting in depth about magical theory, Scriber, but to use a spell on a book allows you to work with the initial intentions of the words that the writer had, but for a something spoken, you must work with those that hear it. I simply don’t speak english, and so I can’t impart the knowledge onto somepony else.”
They both watched the glowing screen for another few moments, but the show failed to capture their interest because of the language barrier.
“It’s amazingly clear. I’ve not seen an equal since my return,” added Princess Luna then she looked to me. “Do you have more examples of technology?”
I closed the laptop up and lifted the iPod, and with touch of my nose to the pad, I turned on a blast of blaring guitars playing quickly and intensely. “This is an MP3 player. It’s a portable storage device designed for music. I know you’ve got records around here, but this little thing holds days and days worth of music. What we are listening to now is something like I was when I first got here. It’s by a group called Battlecross.”
Like many other times where I tried to introduce metal to another, they didn’t like it. “It’s definitely loud,” one sister said.
“Is he screaming?” asked the other, while she looked at me as if I were crazy for enjoying this style of music.
This was the sort of music that I relaxed too, and was trying not to mouth the words. That aside, I could see that the pair weren’t enjoying the song as much as I was, and I clicked it off.
“Why did you turn that off? It sounded neat,” came a new voice and the three of us looked from the glowing screens in the truck cab to Berry, who was making her way up the little path. Only after the two Princesses lifted their heads did she realise that I wasn’t alone. The face of utter shock that came with the realisation that the guests were the rulers of the nation was priceless. She couldn’t bow fast or deep enough to the pair.
“Please rise, my little pony. What is your name?” Princess Celestia said soothingly and calmly, though Berry really didn’t seem ready to be casual amongst the royalty.
“Thank you, your Highness,” she said with all the confidence that she could muster, before turning to Luna and bowing again. It was clear from how her knees shook that she was still in a state of shell shock. “I’m Berry. If I might ask, what are you two doing here?”
Luna and Celestia gave each other a glance, and seemed unsure how to answer that question. The elder took the lead again, if hesitantly, “Well, you see, we needed to speak with Scriber about, uh...”
I stepped in at that point, though I did fear how admitting my mistake will go. They seemed reasonable so far, so I spoke up. “Actually, she knows who I am, and where I’m from.”
“What? I did command thee not to speak of it,” Princess Luna snapped in surprise, making both myself and Berry cringe back. I really thought I’d would have been smited by Celestia earlier in the day, “Why does she know of thy origins?”
“Calm, Luna. I’m sure there’s an explanation for it,” Princess Celestia said with her wing extending in front of Luna as if to hold her back. “Is there?”
I must of looked rather sheepish with my hoof rubbing along the other forelimb and my head somewhat turned down. “Kind of. I told her everything while I was in my cell the night before. So much had happened to me, I just had to offload, and she was in the neighboring cell. I’m sorry. To all of you. I made this more complicated.”
My head was down, and my hat’s brim hid both the princesses from my eyes, so I had no clue what was happening. I was motionless, and waiting for the decision from the pair. “Is she trustworthy?” Luna sounded much more restrained and calm now.
“I think so. I really do think so, but if there’s any heat over this, I’ll take it. She doesn’t deserve any of it.,” I answered, and looked out from under my hat. Berry flashed me a quick smile for the compliment, though it was short lived.
“Well, I suppose what was said cannot be taken back, though I’d appreciate you keeping your origins to yourself for now. It will be simpler that way,” Princess Celestia stated with authority.
“Of course, Princess Celestia,” I said. “No more ponies are going to find out about me.”
“Same goes for me. My lips are sealed,” Berry added.
“We thank you,” Princess Celestia said to the both of us, and that seemed to diffuse the tension again. Then, there was a pause as all of us seemed to be out of things to say. It was Berry that ventured into it first.
“Can we turn that music back on? I like how human music sounds,” she said as she walked closer to us, “That is, if there’s no more official business, your Highnesses?”
“Well, I think everything that needed to be said has been said already, so go ahead and turn your music back on. We do have to speak with each other, so maybe something with less screaming, please, if that’s an option?”
My attention went to my iPod again, and I scrolled through the options. “Well, I could find something lower key,” I said as I worked. Then the inspiration hit me and I quickly rubbed my nose along the screen to pull up a band called Apocalyptica. The soft sounds of the cellos started to play over the speakers, playing a cover of Nothing Else Matters.
“This would be a melody that We would have played in the Castle,” the darker princess said. I guess that was approval.
“So, you just listen to this music?” Berry asked as she sat just off to the side of the two Princesses who already were close enough to whisper between each other.
“What else are you supposed to do with music?” I asked as I set down the iPod on the seat beside me.
“You can dance to it. Humans do dance, right?” she asked, and even I could see the suggestion being made by the mare, and it made me quirk an eyebrow.
“Well, yeah. A lot of humans dance. I never really did though,” I replied, and instantly I could see the mare deflate. My heart fell too. I had only really known her for the last few days, but she had stepped up like Merlot to be one of my confidants here. The last thing I wanted to see was her feeling bad. “I guess I could try though.”
Now, anyone that has seen me at a reception or a social would know I was a typical wallflower that would need to be pulled onto the floor by friends and family before I’d so much as tap my feet to a song. That said, I did know the basics. I slid from my seat and to the ground, and the royal pair let me by. Nopony could miss the smirks they had on. “Excuse me.”
“So, how would a human dance to this? It sounds like a slow dance,” Berry asked, looking more and more excited at the prospect. She was nearly bouncing from hoof to hoof.
I had to consider that, and with a bit of effort, I pushed myself up onto my rear hooves and stood. It wasn’t natural, but now that I been a pony for a week, I had a feel for my new body. With that, I found my balance. “First off, up onto two hooves. If you want to see how it’d go, you’ll have to be on two hooves,” I instructed to Berry.
“I don’t think I’ll be that ,” she murmured as she struggled up to rear back, and immediately fell into me as soon as she got there. I let out a grunt as I caught her against my body.
“It’s alright. This was pretty much the next step anyways,” I reassured her, though she was blushing. She was simply adorable and well, her coat was so soft against mine, not to mention the warmth of her body. Aaaaaand, I’m overthinking this. Just relax, Scriber. I nudged her hooves up, and set them around my shoulders, then reached down to her sides. Just putting the slightest of pressure there was enough to make her knicker, and I drew my hooves back.
“It’s alright,” she said with that red blush in her cheeks making her purple even darker, “I just wasn’t expecting that. How are you so solid on two hooves though?”
“It’s almost like I’ve got a lifetime on two feet behind me, eh?” I answered teasingly as I began swaying in time to the music, and with the position of my hooves, I was able to guide her in the slow, turning step.
“It’s still hard to believe that,” she said to me as she leaned heavily on my body to stay upright. To be honest, moving about on two hooves didn’t feel natural at all, but if it bothered Berry at all, I’d never know it from how blissfully she looked.
“I can see why human mares like this,” she whispered and then laid her head against my chest. I was so distracted by the contact, I nearly missed Princess Celestia and Princess Luna giving a wave adieu, and vanishing in a flash of magic. I didn’t miss the knowing grins they had before they left. They simply didn’t want to interrupt us.
“That’s one heck of a first week here,” said Twilight while I took a long sip of my coffee. Recapping the first week in Equestria took longer than I thought it would. At least we were both relaxed in her library home to do the interview. I did promise that I would do it as soon as she was released from hospital so none of the details would be forgotten, and she did look a lot better, all things considered. “Did you get all that, Spike?”
“What? I was supposed to be writing?” the little dragon replied without even looking up from the comic book he had in his little claws. I guess it wasn’t as riveting of a story as I thought.
Twilight rolled her one eye and let out an exasperated sigh before scolding him. “Spike! This is important, and you know I can’t write right now! The princesses are counting on us to help get him home, too!”
I chuckled as he pulled himself out of his bed, which was reminiscent of a dog bed, and made his way to his scrolls and quills. “Fine, Twilight. Scriber, one more time, if you please. From the top.”
“Maybe later,” I muttered, before coughing into a hoof. As soon as I said that, Spike tossed the pen and paper aside and went right back to his comic. “I don’t feel up to going through all that again at the moment. But yeah, the first week was pretty nuts, but it could’ve been worse with divine smiting or something like that coming my way.”
“And, how did the next week go for you? Anywhere near as exciting?” the mare asked before she moved to give her new eyepatch a little adjustment, but the squeak of the brace she had on that side stopped her hoof from rising too far. Her other hoof moved to perform the task. Apparently, Pinkamena made sure that Twilight had a variety of patches to wear by pulling in all the patches from her “emergency eyepatch caches”, whatever that meant. Even so, I still felt terrible for doing that to her, and hoped she’d learn to adjust to it soon.
“Thankfully, no. I’ve been finding work where I can, and been doing pretty well with getting a reputation out to the masses. No small thanks to Spike for that save with Bon-Bon. Thanks again,” I replied, and the little dragon puffed up with pride. Bon-Bon was less than amused for the continued delay of the work and told me to hit the road, when I ran into the dragon and Rarity out for lunch. He quickly came up with an idea to save my hide, and one message to the princesses later, I was able to try to get into the shop again. A Royal purchase order for as much toffee as Bon-Bon carried a lot of weight. I was promptly forgiven and allowed to work.
She nodded and replied, “So, you’re adjusting well to Equestria then?”
“Well, yes. I think so. Better than I would’ve said three weeks ago. Nothing like jumping right to field experimentation to come up with something to change your preconceptions, eh?”
“You’re not going to impress her with that. She says much more complicated stuff all the time,” interjected Spike in a dry sort of way. After a glance from myself and Twilight, the commentary from the peanut gallery was duly ignored.
“Tell me about it. I think this entire experience has been a lesson on that,” she agreed, then she looked to the list she was keeping to her side. “There’s just a couple more things I wanted to ask you, Scriber.”
I motioned a hoof to continue.
Her one eye got wide for a moment as it went over the list as if she was reminded of something critical before she narrowed it at me. What was this all about? She even coughed into a hoof to clear her throat before her voice quickly escalated to a yell. “What the hay type of romance novel is this!?” She was pointing her good hoof towards one of the books I had left her. “I wake up and see a new book by a pony by the name “Lovecraft” and what do I get? The freakiest thing I ever read! I had to be sedated so I could get some sleep!”
I was stunned and unsure how to react to the outburst. Even Spike was staring at her nervously, while she waited for an answer. “I guess I only have one thing I can say about why I left that book for you,” I answered as calmly as I could before booming out, “I R’lyeh! Cthulhu fhtagn!! Ia! Ia!”
That’s about as far as I could get before I bursted out laughing at the mare, who actually jumped back from me, and now was appalled at what just transpired.
“Cut it out, Scriber! I’m serious! That book is just creepy!” she whined at me.
“It’s supposed to be creepy! Lovecraft was an expert at writing horror. There’s a whole sub-genre of horror called Lovecraftian horror, back on Earth,” I gasped out between guffaws to answer her.
While I was laughing at the mare, she went from upset, to stone faced to simply annoyed at me before she finally cracked a smile. “Well, he’s very good at it,” she finally said to me, “I do like a good scary story now and then. Just not in a strange room after interdimensional beings turned out to be real.”
“If I had known, I would just left the other book. Have you looked at the other one yet?” I asked, as I wiped a tear from my eye. Oh, it felt good to laugh like that again.
She nodded and quoted, “All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, Prince with the Swift Warning.”
“Be cunning and full of tricks and your people will never be destroyed,” I finished then nodded, “I love that bit. I’m glad you enjoyed the book. It’s one of my all-time favorites.”
“Oh, I did. I already lent it to Fluttershy. The rougher parts aside, she does have an large love of lapines,” she said.
"You sure about that? It gets pretty brutal at some parts."
“Yes, but she’s also stronger than most ponies can see. She can look at the worst of the worst and see the good things nopony else can. I think she can handle a book about rabbits, even with a few exciting parts,” she returned, before she got to her hooves and stretched. “It’s getting late, did that interview take that long?”
The time was a surprise for me as well. “All evidence points to ‘yes’. I had a lot to say, you know? If you want, I can come back, and give the story again so we can get it down on paper for you. Anything to help you out on finding my home,” I said with a glance through the window to see the darkening sky.
“You can’t do it now?” she said with disappointment in her eyes. If there is one thing about Twilight I have found out is that she’s dedicated to her craft.
“Not today, I’m afraid. I’ve got to go meet up with Berry at the market, and go to dinner with Sweetie Belle’s family. Apparently, her mom is making her ‘specialty’,” I answered.
“I’m sure it’ll be an experience. You’ve mentioned Berry a few times back there. I didn’t know she could be so friendly. Before you came along, she’d never leave her villa and when she did, all she’d do is go to the bar,” Twilight said, “At least, that’s what I’ve observed.”
That didn’t sound like the mare that has been visiting me every evening for the last week. “Really? Why’s that?”
“You’d have to ask her. I’m still a newer resident of Ponyville, and haven’t really had a chance to speak with everypony around the town,” she answered.
I gave her a brief nod, then glanced at the clock. It was after five, which meant I’d need to hustle to get to the meeting place at this point. “Well, I might do that, but right now, I really have to get going. You rest well, and next time I come here, I’ll bring my laptop. I’m sure you’d like that,” I said before giving Spike a quick nudge on the shoulder. “You take care of her, and make sure she takes her meds, eh?”
“Don’t worry. She’s in very good claws,” he stated while he gave me a lazy salute, but didn’t even lift his head from what he was reading.
“You have a good evening, Scriber,” the mare said as she walked me to the door. She still had a heavy limp,but she had that brace on to help her cope with her bad leg.
“Are you going to be alright?” I asked in a softer voice, so Spike couldn’t overhear me.
She knew what I was asking. “Magic can do a lot. It can remove scarring and even straighten bones, but I think I’m going to be, as Pinkie Pie would say, “rocking the pirate look” for a long, long time,” she replied back, and I could see she was trying not to be upset. She even forced a smile on her face when she added, “But, it’s as much my fault as anypony else’s, so don’t think about it, and get going, alright?”
There wasn’t much that I could say to that, so I tipped my hat to her and headed out. I’ve been here two weeks now, and finding my around has become nearly second nature to me. I knew where all the good shops were, and the ponies to watch for. Heck, there were ponies in the market that would smile and wave when I passed by, which is more than I ever got before coming to Equestria. It was the least that I could do to return each and every one while I looked for Berry. This was one of the things I will miss most when it comes time for me to leave.
The wine-coloured mare was easy to find, standing right in the middle of the market, and waiting patiently for me. I had seen her pretty much every day this week in the evening when she came to my truck to watch the shows I could cue up on my laptop, or listen to music, but today she put more effort into her appearance than she has ever done before. Her mane was neatly pulled back into a french braid. That must of been a trick to do without fingers. The small choker around her neck could have a clasp that would work with hooves. Even the little saddlebags she was wearing was a carefully picked blue that didn’t clash with her coat. She hadn’t noticed me yet, and I took a moment to simply look at her, before I let out an introspective hum. I had no idea what I should feel right now, but I was smiling.
She finally turned enough to see me and waved for me to come over. “I was getting worried that you got lost, Scriber,” she said as soon as I closed the distance between her and I. There was a hint of a flowery perfume in the air.
She blushed slightly and even averted her eyes unsuccessfully hide it. “Thank you. It’s been a while since I have been out to a dinner party like this, and I wanted to look my best.”
That smile was still stuck on my face. “I think you succeeded,” I replied, and I swear I heard her “squee”. That’s straight up adorable. “Come on, let’s get going, eh?”
The mare took a place at my side for the brisk trot. I was given directions earlier in week and it wasn’t far to go.
“Do you think they will mind me bringing wine?” Berry asked, and I glanced over.
“Wine?”
She instantly got defensive, “I don’t plan to drink it! I have to get the bottle out of the house, and I don’t think it’s right to just pour it out. It’s a very good year.”
“Well, I trust you, Berry. I didn’t mean to insinuate anything,” I quickly said to her, while I moved in front of her and turned to face her. “I don’t want you getting yourself into trouble, and this has nothing to do with me.”
She looked torn about how to react. She looked angry for a moment, then saddened and several times she opened her mouth to try and say something, but it was obvious she wasn’t sure what she wanted to say. Finally, she dipped her nose away from me again. “You’re right. But, I didn’t drink anything. I promise. I’ve been good since I promised you and Merlot,” she whimpered.
“Hey, it’s alright, Berry. It’s all good. I was just letting my worries talk first there,” I replied as I put a hoof under her chin to lift her eyes to mine. “You’re doing well, and you’ve been the best friend I could ask for since getting here. I don’t want to see you like you were in that bar a couple weeks ago.”
Then, we stood there, silently looking at each other. I became very aware of how close we were to each other, that perfume, the warmth of her body, the sound of her breathing. I shouldn’t be doing anything like this, and I dropped my hoof to take a step back. I coughed and cleared my throat. “Come on, we don’t want to be late, eh?”
She let out her breath. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want that,” she droned, and I could feel the disappointment in those words, but she knew I wasn’t planning to be here forever. The moment, once past, let us go back to the short walk.
The quaint, white house where Magnum and his family lived was a slice of Americana, or rather Equestrana, complete with tacky pink flamingos in the front lawn and a prominently displayed flagpole flying an Equestrian flag that was at least three sizes too big. Magnum was on the front porch, tending to his barbeque. “Hey there, Scriber! Hey there, Berry! Come on in! It’s good to see ya both here!” he called out to us, “Want to help with the grill? Got some fresh veggies to cook up, and some cold drinks here.”
“I’m going to see see if I can help out inside. You boys have fun,” Berry said before she trotted inside. It took me a moment to realise she was getting away from the alcohol. I was proud to see her really trying to stick to her promise.
“She’s a nice mare. It’s good to see her gettin’ out of her house again,” Magnum said casually as he tended to the grill. There was simply a mountain of food; how much did they think we could eat?
“She was a bit of a shut in?” I asked, “I haven’t been around here too long, but she’s social enough when it comes to me.”
“She had a rough patch a while back, you know. Poor filly fell apart, but I really shouldn’t say too much about it. I don’t like being a gossip,” he said before he took a drink. I nodded and made a note to ask about Berry about it when the time was right. “So, whatcha think about the last game? Our boys look like they might go all the way this year.”
I was still new to “hoofball” but it was similar enough to football that I could fake it. Any nuance that I didn’t understand right away was easily explained by Magnum. Apparently, he used to be a pro player himself, but after he retired, he moved onto being a commentator for Ponyville’s team, the Broncos. The name would be like calling a human football team “The Guys” but I kept that to myself. The biggest change to the game was the addition of a third dimension with pegasus receivers, and well, it was interesting thing to watch, and it gave me something to talk about with ponies. “As long as they keep up improving the defensive line,” I replied after a moment. It was a nice generic line that sounded like I knew what I was talking about.
The conversation was off and running, while we manned the grill. To be honest, it was just the odd poke and prod at the food. The real reason we were out there was to spend time talking and sharing the occasional laugh about hoofball statistics, politics, the quality of the produce that was cooking, the latest news or anywhere else that the conversation cared to drift. I didn’t always know what he was talking about, but he was the sort that would only need a nod and a quick agreement every few minutes to keep up the conversation.
It was like I was home again. It was nice.
“Scriber?” Magnum said with a little more urgency. I snapped to attention.
“Oh! Sorry about that,” I replied.
“You just drifted out there, eh? You alright?”
“Yeah. Just fine. You just caught me thinking is all,” I answered after a quick shake of my head.
“What about? Maybe I can help?” He asked helpfully as he shifted the cobs from the grill to a plate.
I shook my head. “Nothing to help with. Just remembering things. Good things. Now, let’s get those to the table before they get cold, eh?”
There was one more glance from his direction before he nodded and simply accepted that. “Yeah. I’m itching to dig in. And, there’s a bunch of ponies on the inside that want to see you, doncha know?”
My eyebrow quirked up at that. “A bunch? As in, more than I would normally expect?” I asked as I followed the stallion into the house. I got my answer as soon as I stepped through the door into a darkened room.
“Surprise, Scriber!” came a chorus of voices from every direction when the lights turned on, leaving me blinking and stunned admittedly. There was even a banner hung up straight ahead of me, reading, “Sorry We Thought You Were a Jerk”.
“Yeah. Apparently there’s a bunch of ponies that wanted in the whole party, and when they got word of the dinner party, there wasn’t any holding them back,” Magnum explained to me with a smile, “Hope you don’t mind.”
Just looking around the room, I took count of everypony there. There were the three fillies that I helped last week front and center, with Big Mac and his sister stood tall behind them. Rarity was standing with her mother to one side and that was a clash of styles that even I could recognize. However, now that they were in the same room, I couldn’t deny there was a family resemblance. Pinkamena made her appearance known by bouncing about, and waving hooves wildly. And, finally Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash floated above the crowd. The yellow mare was blushing and offering a shy wave, while Rainbow Dash looked much more lively by outright going "Woo!" at me like she was at some sporting event. Finally, Berry snuck up to my side, as if I was about to back off.
“Are you going to keep standing there, or are you going to come in?” she asked, with a nudge to my shoulder to prompt me to move. I could feel a bit of warmth in my cheeks. Never in my life have I ever walked into a surprise party.
Pinkamena suddenly appeared right in my face and with the boundless energy she had, she chattered at me. “Were you surprised? Were you, huh? And, do you like the banner? I had to think lots on that, but I think it says everything I needed it to say!”
I had been in mute shock the entire time so my mind could process what was happening. It’s not that I was unpopular back home, but I hadn’t ever been greeted like this before. While I reflected on this turn of events, I flatly answered, “It’s a good banner, but you didn’t have to do any of this.”
“I know, but I did say you weren’t getting a welcome party, so a Sorry-for-not-having-a-welcome-party party will have to do, and mixing it with the You-really-helped-one-of-super-good-friend’s-sister party just works out all perfect! It’s a double party. A dub-party!” she declared cheerfully, without being dismayed by my lack of emotion, before being pulled back by the tail by AppleJack.
“Let the stallion get settled,” the smaller of the two farmers said as soon as she dropped the tail.
Thoughts were still working through my head. Back home, I had friends and family, and I loved and appreciated them dearly, and now, I had the same here. Well, here they had hooves, but they genuinely cared about me as much as the people back home. There was no way that I could deny any of that. “Wow,” I finally managed to say, as my vision got a little blurry. Was I actually watering up over this? With a quick adjustment of hat, I took the chance to wipe my eyes clear and gave my head a shake. “Thank you. Uh, this is more than a guy like me deserves or has any right to expect, but I’m flattered that you think I should have it, especially given some of the circumstances of my arrival. There’s no way I can say it better, but thank you for letting me have a chance, and thank you for being here. Now, I think dinner’s cooling off so let’s get to it, eh?”
My little impromptu speech went over as well as I could hope with several ponies stamping their approval politely. Applause was applause, no matter the location, and I could feel an embarrassed blush in my cheeks.
“Wait! There’s one more thing before we get to dinner!” Sweetie Belle called out to the room, complete with a wide wave of her hooves in the air. The room quieted and acknowledged her. “My sister and I made this for you. I think she was making this already, but I helped. I hope you like it.”
On her back was a small package, and she trotted it over to me with a small limp in her gait. Her hoof was still bandaged, but it didn’t look to be bothering her all that much now. I laughed as I said, “Wow. For me?”
“Of course it’s for you! Open it up!” Sweetie said, while the crowd moved in so the could see the unveiling properly. It was a simple white box with a small string tied around it to keep it closed, and with a quick tug of my teeth I was able to undo it so I could flip the lid open. Inside was a rather nice dark brown vest. It was simple, but very well made, and just a touch to the fabric told me that it was durable too.
“Woah, this looks great! I don’t know what to say,” I exclaimed as I reached in, and lifted it out to take a proper look at it, and in doing so, I saw Sweetie Belle’s addition to the garment. On the inside breast pocket, there was a white, heart-shaped emblem with “Thank you Scriber!” stitched into it in an uneven sort of way. My vision got blurry again, necessitating another emergency hat-adjustment.
“I think I made it to your size, but if you need any adjustments, I’d be happy to accommodate and get them done as soon as possible,” Rarity said her professional sort of way.
There was one way to find out, and I sat back onto my haunches to throw the vest around myself. It even had large buttons so my hooves could easily fasten them up. As soon as I got it on, I realized how weird it felt to wear clothing again, though I couldn’t say if I missed it or not. “Thank you. It’s great!” I exclaimed, as I posed for the crowd. “How does it look?”
I got a few compliments from the crowd, but the one that mattered the most came from beside me. “I really like it,” Berry said with a little blush in her cheeks. You know, I was beginning to think that the mare really did like me.
I gave her a grin right back and nodded.
“Alright! Enough sappy stuff! The food’s getting cold!” Rainbow Dash called over the crowd, before zipping in her way through the house to where I suspected the dining room was, and we all started to follow along.
“Hold the door, please,” said a familiar voice from behind me. It was Twilight and Spike, shuffling along at a slow pace. I didn’t expect to see them here, especially since she was still on the mend. “Sorry guys. I delayed him as long as I could. Was it long enough?”
“It was long enough, Twilight,” Berry said, “Let’s get you inside.”
Of course, I held the door for her and Spike. “Hail, hail, the gang’s all here,” I said under my breath, then let the door shut. I’d miss these ponies when it came time to go, and that was all the more reason to enjoy my time here with them now.
“I’d much rather deal with Discord over Hexadecimal any day of the week.”
Okay. That was a statement that cut right through the din that comes with the lunch rush at a busy cafe and brought my attention right onto Berry in full. Over the last few weeks, we had gone through Reboot’s entire run and she even started to pick up enough english from the experience that she was able to understand simple phrases. However, that was an absurd statement to make for so many reasons that I couldn’t let stand.
I lifted my head up from the half eaten sandwich, and swallowed hard. “Are you kidding? Discord is way more powerful than Hexadecimal according to everything I have read,” I reply right back to Berry and her non-sequitur.
“Yeah, but he’s not as outright cruel like her. I mean, when he came back, he was more of an massive inconvenience. A really big, reality twisting one, but he didn’t kill anypony. Hex tried to turn everything to stone and only backed off because she thought it’d be boring to actually win,” she explained then grinned at me, “Surrender to my superior reasoning.”
An actual nerd debate. And, for extra credit, she had a valid point! Be still my beating heart!
“As much as it fills me with distaste to do so, I suppose I have to concede that Hex is more evil than Discord. Point to you, but suppose we could get the Joker into the mix,” I replied with a rub of my chin.
“Don’t mention him. He’s just scary,” she said flatly with her ears pinned back. And, the poor mare just had been introduced to the animated version of the villain, and not the one from the Dark Knight. I couldn’t guess what her reaction to the “disappearing pencil” trick would be.
“That he is,” I replied before I took another bite of my sandwich. I never knew you could make an entirely vegan club sandwich before I got here, but now, it was a staple of mine, even if it did mean I had to take a little flirting from Hot Dish. After I swallowed, I continued. “But, he’s nowhere as scary as this. Got my first mail today! Two whole letters, and let me tell you, that there was very important news!”
She blinked and leaned over the table, balancing on her hooves. “What sort of news?” she asked as if it was a dire thing I was about to reveal.
“Believe it or not, but I might already be a winner in the-” I was cut off by a napkin hitting my face and with both shared a good laugh. “Alright, alright. It was a tie between ad spam and a bill. Turns out literally coming out of nowhere prevents neither from finding you.”
Berry laughed sweetly and gave a shrug. “That’s the way things go. If there is one thing that every other pony wants, its your bits.”
“It’s just a multi-universal truth,” I replied. Since Berry and I started spending more time together, we’ve realised that nopony even pays attention to what you’re saying unless you’re trying to say it in secret. I could easily hide my origin in plain sight.
“What’s the bill for anyways?” she asked before she finally took a slurp of her drink.
“It’s for some material I needed bent up for the next job I’m going to do. The stuff that I brought with me is running out, but I found this shop in Canterlot that will ship the stuff to me on the next train,” I replied, “It’s pricey though. I should just set up a shop here.”
“You should,” she quickly chimed in, with her eyes lighting up with hope, before I realised what I implied.
“You know why I can’t though, right?” I said and that light dimmed just as quickly as it came to her face. Every time it seemed I was making long term plans for myself in Equestria, she’d always get this way. Letting her down hurt the both of us every time, but we both knew the truth of the situation.
“I know,” she muttered in an attempt to resume the normal conversation, “But, it’s nice while it lasts. What do you think of it, anyways?”
“Think of what?”
“Ponyville in general. You’ve been here a month. What do you think of it here?” she clarified.
Wait. Had it been that long? I quickly tallied up the dates in my head and blinked several times as all the evidence agreed with her. It had been four weeks since I crashed through on the highway, but it still felt like yesterday to me. How did the time get away from me like that? Well, I suspect it went so fast because I was always busy over on this side of the highway with work, or spending time with new friends. “Well, I guess normal,” I answered with a half shrug before I glanced out the window.
“What is she doing?” Berry asked, as she followed my eyes to the sight. As if on cue to quash all normality, Pinkamena was making her way through town, but that wasn’t too unusual. The large desk she was pushing along, and the large black bird on her back was what was strange, even for her.
“Maybe, normal is a little too strong of a word,” I said to correct my previous statement.
“That’s just Pinkie; she doesn’t count,” retorted Berry.
“Even so, I think comfortable is a better way of putting it, now that I think about it,” I continued after the pink mare stopped being a distraction, and turned my attention back to my lunch for another bite.
She smiled at me. “Well, comfortable isn’t a bad thing.”
“That said, I’m thinking about changing things up, and getting rid of my truck. It’s broke as hell, out of gas and battery and I’m a sheet metal worker, not a mechanic. I’d still be hitchhiking when I got home at this point, and I doubt the insurance company would cover an interdimensional accident at this point. Knowing them, they likely have a rider to null the policy just incase that happens. And, the last nail is that it’s getting colder at night now. If I can get a few more jobs to work out, I could easily afford rent and have a place with a flush toilet and heated water,” I said, trying to move on from the previous subject.
“Get rid of it? Who’d even be able to use it?” she asked, looking outright surprised at that, with her eyes wide. Something told me that the gears in her head were already turning though.
“I was thinking of donating to one of Celestia’s science academies, to be honest. Just in thanks for what they are doing for me. Even in its current state, I’m thinking it’s valuable for technology to reverse engineer. You know, for the good of ponykind, and all that jazz, as token of good will from humanity,” I replied with gravatas. I think I was laying it on thick and Berry wasn’t one to care about that sort of thing in the first place.
“Well, if you did do that, you know you don’t have to rent anything. You should save your bits, and come live at my place. There’s plenty of space and it’d save me a lot of time walking,” she finally suggested and then looked up with her best innocent face she could put on.
Up until this point, we spent most of our time together at my truck or in town, mostly because I didn’t want to impose too much on anypony. Even Berry, who had tried to get me over there several times over the last few weeks, but the offer did have merit. “Tell you what. I’ll take a look at it, and if I can fit in without changing your lifestyle too much, I’ll consider it,” I finally conceded.
“Sounds great, Scri-bear,” she chimed right back with no effort to hide how pleased she was with that answer. Apparently, she was so happy with that, it warranted a new nickname for me. Now, that would not stand. I already had two names, and a third one would just make things confusing.
“I didn’t realise we were on a ‘nickname’ basis,” I replied as nonchalantly as I could, but I couldn’t hide the red in my cheeks.
“Well, I like it. You look warm and snuggly like a big teddy, hon,” Hot Dish suddenly added into the conversation as he filled our glasses and cleared any dish we weren’t using, and before we registered his arrival, he used his apparent “waiter teleportation” to vanish into the background once more.
“How does he do that?” I muttered after the stallion, only to notice he was gone. I even looked around the bustling restaurant for the stallion, but it was a fool’s errand. A waiter cannot be found until they’re ready to be found.
“I wouldn’t say it like that, but I agree with the mysterious stranger completely,” Berry said.
My eyes rolled. “I’d rather just be just Scriber,” I stated, but Berry was already upping the ante with her greatest weapons; puppy-eyes and pouty-lips. Of course I looked away Come on, will power, you can survive this.
“Pleeeeeeeeease be my Scri-bear?” she whined. I glanced back and she had her head on the table, looking plaintively up at me.
Okay, I can see that this wasn’t I fight I was about to win, so it’s time to do the civilized thing and negotiate. “Fine. But I get to give you a nickname as well.”
“Deal!” she chimed without a moment’s pause.
“Alright then. Let me think,” I replied with a tap of a hoof to my chin. There was so many possibilities and they all bounced around my head until one play on her name just fit perfectly. Even if I was home, It was one heck of an obscure reference to make, which was perfect. I liked the obscure with a passion.
“Do your worst,” she stated confidently.
“I’ll think I’ll do my best instead, Jude,” I replied to her then shot a cocky smirk. She didn’t get the joke, but that’s alright for me, because I did and that’s all that mattered. Infact, I suspected I’d be one of the very few anywhere that would get the reference.
“Jude? Is that a gryphon name? What does that mean?” she asked with her brow furrowing up rather cutely. I had no intention of enlightening her.
“Hey Jude, don’t make it bad,” I started saying, but even doing that made my voice pick up a bit of melody. Hey, I might like metal, but there was no excuse for not knowing this song.
“What are you doing?” was her deadpanned reply in the slight pause. I didn’t stop to answer her, but just found myself going from speaking in rhythm to actually singing. It was as surprising to myself as it was for her, so I was trying to keep it between us. But my voice much deeper, and it carried quite well.
Take a sad song, and make it better
Remember to let him into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
She was blinking at me at that point, and unsure how to react. “Scriber? Stop,” she squeaked out, as if she was desperately afraid of attracting the attention of the surrounding tables. I didn’t. Infact, I started tapping the beat on the table and picked up a bit more volume and several neighboring tables looked over to ours.
Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get him
The minute you let him under your skin
Then, you begin to make it better.
Sure, I made a little tweak to the lyrics, so it would fit better to the one that I was singing for, but I don’t think she would notice. Instead, the mare across from me was too busy going going from her usual grape colour to an outright red. She also couldn’t hide her amusement from the spontaneous song.
And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
Well, don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.
The tapping of my hooves fell into tapping out the stronger drum line, while I found I had several neighboring ponies humming along with me. Even in a different world, The Beatles could be infectious.
Hey, Jude! Don't let me down
You have found him, now go and get him
Remember, to let him into your heart
Then, you can start to make it better.
Berry was just looking at me with this inscrutable expression that was somewhere between enamoured and totally mortified. So, I did the only logical thing and picked up the volume and stood up to properly deliver the next verse. The fact we became the center of attention at that point didn’t mean anything to me as much as getting a reaction from my friend.
So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude,
You'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder
I didn’t even notice I had several other ponies singing with me, filling in the other members of the band, and there wasn’t a single pony that wasn’t paying attention to the act.
Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let him under your skin,
Then you'll begin to make it better, better, better, better, better, better, oh!
Then came the part that everypony seemed to be waiting for, but how did they know it was coming? Magic apparently, but that wasn’t here nor there because everypony joined into the refrain now, filling the room with happy voices.
Na na na na na, na na na. Hey Jude!
I couldn’t tell you what Berry was feeling, but her eyes shimmered as they filled up with tears. For a moment, I thought I actually upset and humiliated her, then she reached out over the table and touched her hooves to mine, and we both found ourselves leaning to each other, while the rest sang. I knew I would regret this, but, this felt like an once in a lifetime moment and anything less would be wasting it. Then we-
*TWEEEEEEET!*
The shrill blast of a policepony’s whistle cut right through the voices, and broke the moment for everypony in the place. The music died instantly when those singing the chorus looked around for the source of the distraction, and we pulled apart quickly, much to my simultaneous dismay and relief, to join them in the search.
“That’s enough. Calm down, everypony. Go back to your business,” Officer Cuffs loudly ordered while he made his way over to our table.
Crap. Him again? He had been leaving me alone ever since the Princesses reminded him to leave me alone, but here he was again. I took a deep, long breath and put on my best forced smile. “Good afternoon, Officer. What can I do for you?” I said in a tone that dripped with false sincerity. In the back of my head, I envisioned delivering a blow that totally shattered the red pegasus’s nose. That should help me keep smiling.
“Well, for one, you could stop with the clear noise violation,” he said dryly back at me. “But, I think this is a little worse than just that. Maybe, criminal mischief should be the charge.”
I stared at the pony with bewildered comprehension, and Berry’s just looked livid to the point of trembling. “Know what? Whatever. Just write me a ticket and get on with being miserable somewhere else,” I finally sighed. It’s a shame because I was having such a nice time up until twenty seconds ago.
“No, Scriber, don’t just say that! He’s been harassing you since you got here, and it’s not fair! You’re a good stallion and don’t let Cuffs tell you any different!” she snapped at the both of us.
“Now, now Berry. I’m just looking out for everypony’s best interests here, just like how I’d make sure you didn’t end up sleeping outside all of those times. I could’ve been charging you with vagrancy all those times instead,” he said calmly, and that one reminder cut into her. She even whimpered and that is not something I’ll stand for. “So, what I’d like to do is get you to-”
“Yeah, I going to stop you there,” I interjected sharply, “I’m going to tell you no to whatever you’re about to say. You’re not going to write me a ticket. You’re not going to haul my flank back to the station to satisfy your delusions, and I’m not going to sit here and listen to you anymore. I’m going to do what I should of done as soon as I got here.”
He actually looked dumbfounded to see me actually standing up for myself, but I think I was standing up more for Berry. If there was one thing I could say for certain since my arrival here is that she didn’t deserve to be hurt. “Threatening an officer is crime,” he replied coolly after his composure returned to him.
“What are you talking about? I’m going to write a letter to whoever is your boss and he can sort you out. Especially since I’m pretty sure that the princesses told you to back off of me!” I spat right back at him. Once again, we were the center of attention, but this time the crowd didn’t like what they were seeing. I huffed once. “Come on Berry. Let’s get going.”
“Excuse me,” said another pony calmly. I think we all heard him, but chose to ignore the plea.
“You’re not leaving here, Scriber!” the officer barked at me as he spread a wing to block the door.
“Excuse me,” repeated the voice.
“I’d like to see you stop me!” I taunted back as I moved to go around the stallion. Berry was already getting up to join me in leaving the place, and she didn’t look any happier.
“Excuse me, Gentlecolts!” the pony yelled and we both looked over to see Hot Dish standing there, looking quite displeased with the whole situation. “Thank you! Now, this is my restaurant, and I’m not having a fight here! Scriber wasn’t being any sort of a problem. In fact, there wasn’t any sort of issues until you showed up and if this is what you been doing to him, I’ve got half a mind to file a complaint about you myself! Now get out!”
The sentiment began going through the crowd at that point with murmured agreements while, much to my amazement, everypony here started turning against him. Without the support of the crowd, the officer’s expression moved into frustrated anger and with nothing more than a snort, he turned tail and left. As soon as he passed the door, he took to wing and flew off. It was very tempting to snipe him on the way out with, but I just sighed and let myself relax as much as I could. That brief encounter made swung my mood entirely around.
“Good riddance!” called Hot Dish after the stallion.
“You okay, Scriber?” Berry asked, as she touched my shoulder.
“I’m fine. He shouldn’t of brought you into our fight,” I replied, still looking at the door, “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Standing up for me? Or, are you apologizing for being something than a doormat?” she said as she canted her head to the side. She was honestly confused that I was apologizing. Didn’t she see me making the whole situation worse just a few seconds ago? Cuffs was being his usual self, but I should’ve kept my mouth shut and not escalate the whole thing.
“I’m not sorry either of those things,” I muttered, before I adjusted my hat. “I just don’t want to see you hurt because of my situation here.”
Other than a sad, worried smile, she didn’t have anything to say to that, so our host chimed in. “You know, cutie. You’re welcome here anytime, but I don’t bring that jerk next time,” Hot Dish said, putting a slip of paper on the table while he spoke.
“Wasn’t exactly our idea to have him show up,” Berry answered for me, before she flicked over the slip. Her attention turned to me, “Do you want me to get this one?”
I patted my vest where I kept my bits, and there was a notable lack of coins jangling against one another. I wasn’t broke, but closer than I’d like to be. “That might be for the best, but I’ll get you back, alright?”
“Wasn’t your game last night? Usually, you’ve got cash the day after,” she said, without a hint of annoyance in her voice. She just went into her little bag and casually started setting aside the payment and tip on the table.
I huffed because I did feel disgraced to admit what happened. “Turns out that that the gang learns a little quicker than I’d like. At least I got to see Big Mac in the stupidest-looking balaclava and sunglasses I’ve ever seen, but it’s Inspector Lyra that is holding the current championship. She stares right into your soul and misses nothing at all. It’s kind of creepy.”
“And, what did you expect? For them to keep letting you take their money? Turnabout is fair play, Scriber,” she laughed as she finished building that little stack of coins. She never seemed to lack them, though she never treated them frivolously, she always spent them with ease.
“It’d be nice if they let me keep taking their money,” I muttered, and all I got back was a little giggle from the mare. One would think she didn’t really care about my plight.
Hot Dish did his trick of appearing where he was needed once more to take the payment. “I’d hope that this didn’t put you off of my diner,” he said to the both of us in the most apologetic sort of way.
“Nah. You can’t be blamed for that moron. He’s just got a bit of a hard-on for getting on my case,” I said with a shrug, and a moment later, I noticed the idiom failed totally to translate to the stallion, leaving him with a furrowed brow.
“What he means is that Officer Cuffs and him don’t exactly get along,” Berry explained.
“Well, in that case, I hope to see you back soon, cutie,” Hot Dish replied with his usual chipper attitude returning to him. I sighed at the compliment, and got up. Berry did too, and we both made our way to the door.
“So, when’s the wedding?” she teased as soon as she was sure the waiter was out of earshot. Her grin was very bright.
“Har, har,” I deadpanned right back at her, “You’re just jealous.”
“Of him? Nah. You’re coming home with me,” she pointed out as she stepped out ahead to lead the way to her home.
I had to give her that point, and began to follow her along. We filled the air with chatter about human fiction and history, the legends of Equestria and how they differed and matched up. The walk was getting to be much longer than I expected, but I only realised that as we passed the sign that marked the town. The only thing ahead of us looked like a manor that was complete with a wrought iron-gate and a stone wall. She was too down to earth to live there, but then why were we heading in that direction, then? I glanced at her, then back to the house. She must have noticed my surprise because she stopped in her tracks and looked like she was near a panic attack. Her eyes were filled with worries that weren’t there moments ago and all of it was directed towards me.
“You got to promise that that this isn’t going to change anything between us, Scriber,” she said with
“That’s your house?” I incredulously asked.
“Scriber. N-nothing’s changed. I’m still just Berry, right? I just don’t like ponies thinking about me as that “spoiled rich mare” and you’re the only one that didn’t do that,” she pleaded with me with her eyes down and her ears pinned back.
“I know nothing’s changed, but I didn’t expect this. I mean, you said a couple of things here and there, but you’ve got to be pretty well off to afford that house. Why didn’t you want to meet there? It looks so much nicer than my truck,” I said with a point of my hoof in the direction of the building.
“It was something different for me! Before you came along, I was either home or at the bar,” she snapped right back at me.
I blinked at her reaction. I must of touched a nerve but I had no idea what. “Easy Berry! I’m not trying to pick a fight, but you should be proud of all that. You must-”
“It’s not mine. It was my parents’,” she interrupted before she took a deep breath that was shakily let out. “I’m sorry, Scriber. I’m just worried that you’ll see me like everypony else.”
The road to her home was deserted and so, I sat on my haunches. This needed to be dealt with right now. “Well, talk to me. I’m not going to see you any different just because you’ve got some money, but you think I will.”
“Well, yes. I mean, no,” she said in a fluster, before I put a hoof on her side. The touch silenced her.
“Relax. I’m here. Just talk.”
“Okay,” she said softly. “I didn’t think you’d look at me different, but so many other ponies did, and when you started looking at that house like that, I got scared. It’s been like that for years.”
If there was one thing that confused me about Berry, it was why she was so isolated from the rest of the ponies of the town, but I stayed quiet as she continued to talk.
It looked hard for her to even be speaking, because she had to take another deep breath for every sentence. “It started when my parents died a few years back. I was just out of school and well, they were old.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said softly, unsure how to react to that.
“It’s alright. It was just their time. Dad went first, and a couple weeks later, mom went too. They just left me alone, but my dad thought of everything. He took his company and set it up so I wouldn’t want for anything while it ran itself. I didn’t need to do anything other than sign the occasional paper, and that was a good thing, I guess. I didn’t need anything and no other ponies wanted anything from me. I got lonely, so I started partying. Big, wild affairs that’d make Pinkie jealous,” she said, without once looking up from the ground.
“Didn’t that help?” I asked.
“At first, I thought it did,” she scoffed. “That wasn’t true though. They were just coming for the party. Most of them didn’t even know who I was or anything. By Tartarus, if they didn’t care, why invite them? I was sitting alone in a corner drinking already, so why not just keep on doing that without spending the bits to get them all there. I stopped throwing the parties, and ponies stopped caring about what I was doing. After all, I’ve got all I want over here, right? That’s what they think. I’ve got everything. Just not a pony that needs me, or wants me around.”
I didn’t know how to react to that. “Berry, if you’re worried that I’ll stop spending time with you just because I found out you have money, get that out of your head. Between, you Merlot and Twilight, I’ve got no other ponies around that I can talk freely with. And, Twilight treats me like a science experiment and Merlot sees me as a client.”
“So, I’m like your last resort?” she muttered.
“What I’m saying is that you’re unique, and, while I’m here, I need you. You’re the one that’s keeping me sane. You let me vent, and keep me company and you’ve been nicer than you had to be. If things turn out badly, you make me feel like there’s a future for me here,” I said. There was more I wanted to say, but to say it wasn’t fair to her or myself, so I did my best to keep those thoughts down.
She finally lifted her gaze from that spot on the ground and to me. “It’s just nice to be needed for once. I don’t want to mess it up” she said softly.
“Don’t worry about that. You won’t. It’s all alright,” I replied, as I wrapped a hoof around her and hugged her. It didn’t matter that we were at the side of the road; we could help each other here.
That was a line in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that was used to describe the rules of causality, but I found it much more poignant in another way entirely. That one simple line is a call for calmness, acceptance and realisation over worry, panic and denial in everything you do and happens to you. If something bad occurs, don’t dwell on the event but move on to solutions and coping. If something good occurs, don’t fixate on the victory but move on to reinforce it and towards the next step. What has happened, has happened. Move on. It wasn’t meant that way in the book, but that’s what I took away from it.
I don’t think Arthur Dent ever heard the line said in the entire book, which is a shame. He would’ve come to appreciate the most over the run of the books because he was a man that seemed to apply it to himself on a regular basis. He coped with the loss of his whole world by realising that his favourite corner store was gone. He lost everything in a moment and found himself thrown into a bigger universe that was both amazing and utterly indifferent to his existence, and kept his sanity until he found something he could call home. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like the fifth book of that trilogy; the universe slipped from being indifferent to vindictive and stripped him of everything again.
I had great sympathy for him. Just like Dent, I lost everything I knew no fault of my own and found myself in another world without a place in it. The big difference though, while the Guide’s universe is wonderful and wonderfully apathetic to Dent and his struggles, Equestria was caring and embracing. In the course of weeks, I found myself with a circle of friends that cared for me. Just knowing that they were there gave me purpose and strength to do what I needed to do to carry on and accept what has happened. In that way, I differed greatly from Dent.
Then, there’s hope. Despite the enormity and oddity of what has happened to me, I could hold onto hope that I would return home one day to find that my life was still there. All the comforts and tribulations that I had left behind might just be waiting for me to slide back into them. I could hope that one day, that I might be able to just carry on as if I never slipped across worlds.
But, what happened, happened.
The letter I was staring at screamed that fact into my psyche, heart and soul all at once until I felt numb. My eyes went through the motions of reading, but all I was doing right now was looking for some change in what I was seeing. Something to keep my hopes alive.
Did I really deserve hope? What have I done since I’ve got here to earn that right? I didn’t struggle to go home, but left everything in the hooves of others. I should’ve done more.
“Excuse me, Mister?” a wall-eyed grey mare said to me. That one sentence brought me back from the internal grindstone that was chewing at me to the real world again and I became aware of bustle of ponies going about their day in the post office. I was still rooted in place by the weight of my thoughts, but my eyes lifted from the letter and to her.
She went from looking helpful to bashful under my gaze, but that didn’t stop her effort to help me. “You’ve been standing there for the last ten minutes. Are you having trouble reading, because I used to have trouble reading and might be able to help?”
I felt numb within, but the earnest offer of aid deserved something. I forced a smile to my face, though it fell flat with the mare. “Yeah. I’m just fine,” I lied.
“If you say so. Is that the Royal Seal? Are you in trouble, Mister?” the grey mare asked as she shifted under my gaze.
I rolled the scroll back up and tucked it into my saddlebag. “No, I’m not in trouble,” I replied flatly, “Thank you for asking, but please leave me alone. It’s not your fault, but this is something personal.”
She was taken back by the outright rejection of her offer to help, and, after she took several hard blinks to process it, she hesitantly replied, “If you say so. You have a good day, and I hope you feel better, okay?”
I didn’t bother saying anything else to her, but returned her kind words with a slight nod before I walked out of the post-office and into the streets at a lazy pace because my thoughts were drawn back to the letter. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t paying attention to my path; over the time I had spent here, I came to know these streets better than anywhere back home. The knowledge came with my many trips on hoof through the town. I knew where to find every store, shop and market in Ponyville and the names of the ponies that ran them. On earth, I didn’t even know the owners and managers of the stores I liked. It was simply easier here, and I had no idea what that said about me.
Right now, I had one store in particular on my mind, and I was making my way there with my head down. I’m sure several ponies tried to say something to me as I made my brisk march, but I didn’t care because I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anypony. I just pulled my hat down to hide my eyes away from the spectators, and kept walking until I arrived at Ponyville’s liquor store.
When I entered, the clerk said something to me, but I ignored it. It was likely a greeting, but it didn’t matter. He could curse me out right now and it wouldn’t change my desires right now. With so many of the being out of my grasp, the possible one seemed all the more important to me. I just went straight to the back of the store, and picked up a bottle of rye without a care for the pony pun that was on the label. It wasn’t the name of what was in the bottle, but what was in inside of it that mattered to me anyways. The store’s owner just checked me right through without a word, and I made a note to thank him later.
There wasn’t anywhere for me to go really, but I knew I wanted to be alone when I got there, and I knew a place where ponies never went. It was a dull march through the cool air. It was getting onto the evening, and originally planned to head home after checking the mail.
Funny. Never thought of this place as home. Not really. It was close in a lot of ways, but so far in other ways.
My truck came into view, tagged and marked by several scholars for research purposes. They had declared it ‘too delicate to move’ and started doing all the measurements right there, under the tree that killed it all that time ago.
The time between then and now seemed so short and long at the same time.
Anyways, the truck was much more than a research project to me. It was the biggest part of home I had left. I found it, paid for it and maintained it all with money I made while I was human and I never realised how much of a bond that made with me.
I climbed onto the tailgate and sat down heavily on my flank. This was the last time I could allow myself to be ‘home’ here, but there was a comfort to my truck that I loved and would miss it when it was gone from my life. There was one more thing I needed to do, and that was uncork the bottle of rye. I didn’t have fingers anymore, but teeth worked pretty good at yanking corks, and with that done, I was ready. I pulled out the letter again, and set it beside me.
Actually, I wasn’t ready yet. I took a swig of the sharp alcohol. The warmth traveled down my throat easily and I sighed at the feeling. A few more like that, and I’d be feeling it quite nicely. I was ready.
Dear Scriber,
The informality of the letter struck me right there. Right off the bat, it was obvious it was a personal letter to me and not a form letter sent out by the government. You’d never get something like this back on earth.
Dear Scriber,
We are writing you today to inform you of the progress on the task of returning you to your rightful home. (I could see that the first “you” was originally a “thee”. Luna was still having issues with modern language but she was trying hard to fit in. Maybe that’s why she sympathized so much with me when I first arrived. She knew what it was to be the lone outsider looking in, and didn’t want me to go through the same thing.) We have made great strides in the new field of dimensional teleportation and have been very excited to see some of the results and disappointed in them in other ways. Truly, it is well within our capability to open rifts, or highways as we have taken to calling them, to whole new realities, and we’ve repeated the experiment several times over the last month. Each time, we spied a glimpse of a whole new reality, before letting the highway close. When this new magic becomes more reliable, the benefits to the nation could be nothing short than revolutionary, and we have you and Twilight Sparkle to thank for this.
After the first paragraph, I took another gulp of my drink. I knew what was coming, but something about being where I was made it more real. I wanted to be ready for it, or at least so numb I didn’t care.
Now, while we have found several new and effective efficiencies to the process of opening a new highway, what we are finding a great hinderance is the ability to direct where a highway will lead. There are many worlds out there. An unfathomable number of them as far as I can tell, and while many of them are different, there are just as many that are virtually identical to the ones we know of with minute differences to distinguish them. Much of our efforts is spent on trying to determine and name all the defining factors of a world to get what we are referring to as its true address, but there hasn’t been much success in even finding the simplest world more than once.
It was pretty easy to see where this is going and it called for another drink. The warmth was running through and dulling my senses pleasantly. The numbness was welcomed.
In the last iteration of the test, we tried to find a creature that would be able to help us learn the proper techniques for this kind of spell. We are not sure what happened or what exactly we found, but four good ponies nearly lost their lives in the ensuing encounter. When we consulted with Twilight Sparkle, she made mention of an author you brought with you by the name of Lovecraft. I realise that it is a work of fiction, but between that discussion and the recent encounter, I have come to realise there is much more to be found than I could imagine, and much of it could be hostile and incredibly powerful.
I did read that right. Ponies nearly lost their lives thanks to me, and a human author managed to frighten an otherworldly deity. That’s good for two shots. One for the absurd, and the other for the depressing.
I know you have been wishing to return to your homeworld, and, while we will not abandon this field entirely, we will have to take it at a much slower and carefully planned pace so as to not threaten the citizens of Equestria or the rest of this world. It pains me to say this, but I fear we are unlikely to be able to find your home in any time within the next several decades barring an extraordinary stroke of luck.
And, there it was. I’m not going home. I couldn’t blame Luna for it, or anypony else, and I didn’t even want to. The letter was getting hard to read with the letters getting all blurred. It took me a moment to realise that I was crying.
I deeply and sincerely apologize to you, Scriber, but the good of the nation has the come before any single pony. I have already pushed your name through Celestia’s bureaucracy to provide you with your citizenship, as well as several other documents such as birth certificates and family linage so you will not lack in any sort of official documentation. These should arrive within two to six weeks (I could almost imagine the Moon Goddess trying to comprehend that not even she was exempt to the standard waiting period. Maybe that’s why she called it Celestia’s bureaucracy.). Along with the package will be information on several savings accounts that are more than equivalent with what a stallion of your age should have acquired. We are sorry, but this is the least we could do for you.
So, that was it. Just a sorry and a new life right out of the tin for me. It’s better than I could expect, but somehow it was worse too. Everything I’ve experienced and knew was irrevocably gone from my life, and just being handed something to replace it just felt cheap. No amount of money and identification could replace memories. Everything I was couldn’t just be traded in like that.
But, it just was.
If there is anything more I can do for you, please get in contact with myself or my sister. Sending a letter through Spike would be the quickest way to garner our attentions.
Sincerely, Princess Luna
The ending of the letter didn't even matter to me. I stopped fighting the tears and just hoped nopony was around to see me now. I was an adult, but here I was, weeping and admittedly somewhat drunk on the back of an old piece of scrap metal that used to be my home. It had to be a pathetic sight to see me now with tears rolling down my cheeks and all of my sniffling and rubbing of my nose couldn’t hide it. The only time I could bring myself to stop was to take another swig from my bottle, but soon that ran dry.
A lazy toss sent the bottle to the long grass, and through my bleary eyes I could see the little path to my truck was no longer as cut as deeply as it was when I was here. How many times have I walked this way to cling to what hope I had? And, why is the world tilting to the left?
Oh, right. I just drank the whole bottle.
I knew I wasn’t going to be awake for long, so I better find a bed. I was practically liquid as I forced myself to my hooves and fell off the tailgate gracelessly. I didn’t even swear. It didn’t matter anymore. And, as I made my way through the town, I knew there were those watching me, but it didn’t matter at all. I’m a whole new pony, and I got the Royal seal to prove it.
It didn’t matter if I was still misty-eyed and drunk. Nothing mattered.
Until I got to where I’d been calling my temporary home. That house of Berry’s had more than enough space for me, and I rented a room from her, because I wasn’t going to leach off of her. I was better than that.
What I wasn’t better than right now was the locked door. I either I couldn’t get the right key to the lock or I couldn’t get it into the lock, and I was stuck outside for longer than I thought possible failing to open a door. Then it opened through no action of my own.
“Scriber. Are you alright?” she asked. God, she was about the only solid thing in my life right now, but I couldn’t get through the haze in my head to answer her. It was too much and I couldn’t think.
“You’re drunk,” she said accusingly as she took a step back from me. She even looked disgusted at me and every bit of the pleasant numbness turned to bitter shame. I couldn’t just leave like this after she reacted like that to me. I needed her.
“I’m not going home,” I finally forced out, and a choked whimper followed the words.
She stared at me, and the comprehension took her. “Scriber. I’m so sorry,” she said softly. I know she was waiting for this, but she was mixed up on how to feel.
“I got no family. No past. Nothing. I’m alone,” I stammered out as I tried to stop myself from crying again, but it was hopeless. I started sobbing again, and I turned my head from her. She didn’t need to see me like this, but it was far too late for that. She already had.
“You don’t have to be alone, Scriber,” Berry whispered as she stepped close and put a foreleg around me to pull me in and I was pressed to that grape fur and mane. I didn’t even realise I was already holding her back just as tightly. It felt good and right. “We don’t have to be alone.”
I nodded slightly and we stepped inside.
That night, I made what was simultaneously the greatest, best and worst mistake of my life.
The scent of lavender and something sharper were in the air. Both were pleasant in their own ways even if they were sharply divergent in their qualities. I could enjoy both even if I was half asleep right now.
I took another breath in through the nose and shifted slightly as I awoke slowly. The bed was softer and warmer than what I was used to, which was a good thing because as I started moving, my head started to throb.
Oh yes, I drank that bottle in short order and now it was back with hired goons to show me why that was a poor idea. It was simply the price to be payed for what I did and I moved a hoof to my head.
“Good morning.”
There was another pony here? Well, that made sense, because this definitely wasn’t my bed. “Berry?” I croaked. My throat was very, very dry.
“Mmm. That’s my name, don’t wear it out,” she teased then she pushed in and cuddled right against my front. She even grabbed my hoof and pulled it around herself so I’d be hugging her. “You sleep really deep.”
I finally cracked an eye again and regretted it instantly. The morning sun was already intruding through the window and it was far too bright. “Yeah, kind of.”
What was I doing in her bed? I scoured my mind and I remembered having trouble with the door. She came out and helped me in. I cried. She comforted me. We talked. I said I was tired, and we went to the bed. I said she was the best thing I had here. We kissed, then we… No, I didn’t do that. I couldn’t have done that!
My nostrils flared again, and I realised what the unfamiliar scent was.
We did.
My eyes opened again, and the grape mare was happily curled against me with a satisfied smirk on her face. “That’s alright. That just means you were in bed longer for me to cuddle,” she said.
Having her in my hooves like this didn’t feel wrong. In fact, it was rather nice to feel a warm body against mine, and well, it made me happy.
“So, how’s the head? Need something for it?” she asked.
“If you’d be willing. And, a glass of water,” I replied.
“You know, one of the best things about quitting drinking is you never have to wake up feeling like that,” she teased before she slid from my hooves and to the floor. “I’ll be back.”
I watched her leave and then turned to look straight up at the ceiling. It really happened and what did that say about me? The day that I was told my old life, my old friends, my family and girlfriend were all beyond my grasp, I did that. How could I do that? It felt like I went out and got laid at a funeral. It was wrong, flat out.
So, why didn’t I feel terrible about it?
I mean, my head was killing me, but that had nothing to do about what I did. There was no terrible guilt about the act, but only a sadness that they were gone. What did that say about me?
How was I supposed to feel right now?
The question hung in my mind when Berry came back with a glass of water balanced on her nose and a small container in her muzzle. I relieved her of the glass by pinching it in my hooves and said, “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Now, how do you like your eggs?” she asked.
“Pardon?” I fumbled with the little container to get it open, while trying to ignore the sun’s attack on my brain with scorching brightness.
“I’ve been through a hangover enough times to know you need grease and salt to feel better. Now, how do you like your eggs?” she insisted.
“Uh, overeasy?” The lid popped off in my moment of distraction, and the pills scattered all over the bed. Berry didn’t waste a second in reaching out gather them up, but I stopped her by putting a hoof against hers. “It’s alright. I’ll get those.”
“Okay, dear. Come on down to the kitchen for breakfast when you’re ready,” she said and walked out of the room, but I couldn’t help but notice the little extra swing of the tail she had as she trotted. It even made me blush, even if she didn’t see me watching. As soon as she was gone though I just shook my head as hard as the headache would allow for doing what I just did.
“Ah, dammit Scriber. Why did you do this to yourself?” I muttered to myself and put my head in my hooves. I thought I was better than this, but my being here is all the evidence to the contrary needed to refute that.
I didn’t want to let go of them all simply because things got hard. They were too important to let go, even if I’d never see them again. So, why didn’t I hurt for what I did?
I don’t know how long I sat there in contemplation, but the smell of breakfast did catch my attention to pull me back to the real world. By that point, the pills had dialed my headache back to a dull roar and it was time to get up.
Berry was in the kitchen, humming away as she flipped the eggs. She was even swaying her tail in time with the imagined music. She was adorable. “You’re alive! I was about to send a search team for you, Scri-bear,” she chimed after she dropped the spatula.
“Nah. Despite all my efforts last night, I live,” I replied as I looked at what she already had laid out on the table. Fruits, flowers, grasses and toast were all there; she had been busy.
“Oh, not to say all of your efforts last night were bad,” she giggled before she turned to face me so I could see the sly and impish grin on her face. “I kind of liked a few of them.”
She just made me blush. Why did she have to be so kind, loving and beautiful? It wasn’t fair to everyone else. And, I mean everyone, not everypony. I can’t even look in her direction anymore and turn my gaze to the ground.
She took that entirely different way. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’m happy you’re here with me, and that’s all that matters.” She walked to me and put her nose under my chin to press my gaze up again, and my heart flutters at her touch alone. I even smile when our eyes meet again.
Why can’t I figure out how I’m suppose to feel?
“Y-yeah,” I finally say. That was noncommittal at best, but Berry hardly seemed to notice the tone. She didn’t even question it before the sizzle on one of the pans got a little too loud and she was pulled away. Even with the risk of burning food, she was flying high and prancing around the kitchen while she worked.
“Take a seat. Breakfast is just about ready,” she said, as she turned herself about to go back to flipping eggs. It was plain to see she was ecstatic that I was here with her. Given what she told me about her past and the parties she used to have, it might even be relief that I didn’t leave.
“So, you’re alright?” I ask awkwardly after I sit myself down and look at the spread before me. She even made coffee for me and there were so few ponies that actually drank the stuff. Right now, it didn’t matter if it was bad coffee like everywhere else around here, it was still coffee and I was still recovering from the hangover.
Two freshly fried eggs are placed on my plate and across from me and she tossed the spatula aside. “I’m wonderful, dear. How about your headache?”
My hoof ran over my forehead, and I winced. Yup. Still hung over. “Well, it’s going away, thanks to the pills. Thanks for that,” I answered as I lifted my hoof to the fork beside my plate. I didn’t mean to be terse, but, how do I put this, I was lost. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to hate myself. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be here. What was right?
“You’re looking pretty pensive. What are you thinking, dear?” I looked up and Berry was across the table, looking as bright and beautiful as ever. She already loaded up her plate and finished half of it in the time that it took me to prod my serving of eggs several times. It took a moment for me to realise that I had just been sitting there for the last few minutes, mulling my thoughts.
This had to stop before it got worse, and there was only one way to do that. Maybe she’d understand. I hoped she would. “I-I think we made a mistake.”
She looked at me stunned confusion, but after a moment of processing what I just said, her smile returned as if nothing happened. “No, we didn’t. I mean, it was adorable how you insisted on being face to face, but that wasn’t a mistake, dear.”
She was deflecting, but she knew what I meant. She had to. I took a deep breath and repeated the point. “No. I mean, us. We’re the mistake, Berry,” I whispered and each word hurt as it came out, but it had to be said.
She stared at me, and I couldn’t even meet her eyes. Just to see that expression turn from bright joy, to bitter sadness so quickly tore at my heart. Her eyes became misty and her mouth hung open with words that simply failed to form. Even those cute ears were pinned back flat to her head. But, this had to be done for the sake of who I was, right?
Finally, I meet her gaze and it wasn’t wavering from me, even as tears rolled down her face. I could hear the question screaming in her mind; “What did I do wrong?” I wish there was a better way.
She spoke. I didn’t hear the words, they were so faint.
“Berry?” I put a hoof out towards her.
She shrank back from the gesture and repeated herself. This time, I could barely hear her. “G-get out.”
“I’m sorry,” I stammered, unsure how to react. Maybe, I misheard her.
“Get out,” she restated, a little louder as venom came to her gaze at me.
It was my turn to pull back from her, but I stayed at the table to stare at the mare. My mind reeled for an explanation that I could give to her. Maybe there was something I could say to fix this, if only I could figure it out.
“Get out!” she snarled as she slammed her hooves on the table, making all the settings rattle.
I finally shifted in my place. I didn’t want this either! I didn’t want to see her hurt, or angry. All I wanted was my old life back. I opened my mouth to say something, only for her to shout over my words. “Get out!”
I tried to speak again, and she threw a dish at me, which broke the stupor I was in and made me move towards the door. “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!” she screamed after me entire way to the front door, and as soon as I was outside, it slammed behind me with a terrible finality.
Even through the heavy oak, I could hear her sobbing on the other side of it. I wish I could turn around and go comfort her, but I simply couldn’t face her again after what I said. I knew she had trouble connecting with other ponies, and yet, I just broke her heart just because I was worried about myself. Dammit, why couldn’t I get what I wanted!? I sat down on my flanks, right on the steps and looked out and into the world.
I thought I had nowhere to go before, but now, I really had nothing.
The sobs grew more and more distant, then finally faded away entirely, as if I needed another reminder of how alone I was right now, and I felt my eyes watering.
No. I wasn’t going to cry again. I’m a grown stallion. No, I’m a grown man. I’ve got to act it, and that meant living with what you did. I got to my hooves, and started walking for town.
Now, I didn’t have any of my things with me as I walked along. I’d have to go back to get my tools, my hat and vest and the meager cash I’d saved up since I’d arrived here, which meant I only had only one place I could go right now.
The walk was pretty joyless for me, though the sight of a port in the storm was welcomed. I stepped into The Shady Glade, though it was pretty obvious that it was next to deserted. There was just one pony inside of it, and that was Merlot, quietly cleaning the tables and floor. He was looking like he always did, in his immaculate vest and dress shirt combination. He was one of the few ponies around town that I knew that actually wore clothing on a regular basis.
“Good morning, Scriber. How are you on this fine fall day?” he asked after he gave a quick glance in my direction. He didn’t even need to break his stride to greet me.
“Don’t ask,” I replied flatly. I had no interest in going over the morning again.
“My, somepony seems to be out of sorts,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Listen, will you let me start a tab just for today? I’ll pay you back tomorrow, but I just need a place to sit and think for a while, alright?” I said as I walked to the corner table and sat in it. It was away from the stage and from where other ponies would sit. I could get the time to think there.
He nodded. “If you need it. Now, what would you like to have?” he said across the room. It wasn’t like there was anypony to talk over right now.
“Coffee. Black coffee and something greasy. Fries and over easy eggs,” I said while I stared at the menu. I didn’t need it, though because I’ve been here enough times already to know every item by heart, and I still trusted Berry’s suggestion. Merlot nodded and headed into the kitchen. I guess he could tell when a pony just wanted to be left alone.
But, I didn’t want to be left alone. So, what did I want? I wanted to go back home. I wanted to see my girlfriend again. I wanted to see my family and friends. I wanted to see Berry happy again. I wanted to be with her.
I was being stupid. I couldn’t have it all and I knew that, but the logical solution felt so entirely wrong to me. Even if Luna could simply throw out the rest of my life, I couldn’t just do that.
I thought back to Berry. She must be crying alone somewhere in that manor, and it was entirely my fault.
How many days did Dusty cry after I vanished? I know that wasn’t my old girlfriend’s name, but it’s close as I had right now, and even that was a bitter truth. I didn’t even think of her as much as I used to, and that was a sin in of itself. Just another proof that it was all getting more and more distant from me.
These are the thoughts that consumed me. Ponies filtered in around me, sat and had their meals with each other and left again to their lives, while I sat where I was and was entirely stuck. I had no life here. I had no life to return to. I had my food, and drank my coffee, and while I felt better physically, I was getting no closer to any sort of solution. As if I would be as easy as a hangover to fix.
I put my coffee mug out to the edge of the table, and waited. Unlike every other time this morning, the cup stayed empty. Merlot was never slow with his customer service, even if he wasn’t a ninja-style waiter like Hot Dish. I glanced around and saw him behind the bar, just cleaning the glasses, though he definitely did see me and my lack of coffee. He just kept working where he was.
The lack of coffee got to me before he even took a step in my direction. I got up, picked up the mug in my mouth and carried it over to the bar, where he was, and before I even dropped it, he asked, “Now that you don’t look like death, how bad was the fight?”
I knew I wasn’t exactly a cheery ray of sunshine today, but to be read so easily caught me off guard. I set the mug down on the bartop. “How did you know?”
“You don’t have your vest, your hat, or any money, and looked like you had a hangover sent straight from Tartarus,” he explained. “Now, how bad was the fight?”
He was perceptive, but the classic bartender was supposed to be, and well, Merlot hadn’t steered me wrong yet. “I said we were a mistake,” I said quietly with my ears dropping and my brow furrowed. Anypony could see that I was ashamed.
“A mistake? Like as a couple?” he asked, as he set the glass down and actually got up on two hooves to lean over the bar top so we wouldn’t be overheard. There were a few other ponies around, including a couple on stage preparing it for the show that would happen later in the day.
“Yes,” I replied. He furrowed his brow. I’m sure he knew I was leaving something out.
“You didn’t do anything to imply that you were, did you?,” he said, with a heavy implication that towards that unknown.
I knew exactly what he meant by that, but I didn’t want to actually say it. Instead, I just bit my lip and looked away from him. That alone was as good as a full admission to him of what I did the night before.
“I see,” he said without any hint of judgement in his voice. “Why did you say what you did, after doing that?”
“You know why. But, yesterday, I got a letter from Luna pretty much saying I’m not going home,” I explained, trying to mitigate the damage to his opinion of me. “I don’t know. I drank too much and she was there. She just makes me feel better by being there and it’s like I’m home while I’m with her. We just really connected last night, and this morning, I blew it up with one sentence, because I’m an idiot.”
He listened to everything I had to say without interruption and after I said my piece, he just simply repeated, “I see.”
I suppose it was too much to ask that he’d come up with a magic bullet style of solution to what I had made for myself. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“You’re not supposed to do anything, and it’s not wrong to want to hold on to your old life,” he said while he switched glasses to a new one to clean, “But, if that’s truly what you want to do, you can’t lead on Berry. That’s simply not fair to her.”
“I know it’s not, and I don’t want to hurt her again,” I agreed with my head hanging low. He was right, and I knew it. “But, I don’t want to let go of my past.”
The silence was broken by several notes from the stage as the ponies there tested their instruments. Even though it was a random set of notes that they played, I heard something familiar in it. It played into my pet theory that ponies were projective empaths, when a pony wanted to express something they felt both strongly and emotionally about, it tended to project into a song number. The other thing I’ve learned since my arrival in Equestria is that you can’t really stop it once it started, so it’s best to go with it.
I found myself, humming the tune, and the instrumentation matched it perfectly. This was subdued and quiet in comparison to the last time I was caught up in a song. There wasn’t so much as a glimmer of a visual effect for this. It was just me, leaning up and against the bar, and that fit my feelings of helplessness just fine. I wasn’t going anywhere. When it came for the vocals, I joined in.
Hopeless last night
And I’m wasting the light.
Between these times,
There’s a really thin line.
It’s nothing I planned,
And not that can.
And what’ll be mine
Across that line?
If I traded it all,
If I gave it all away for one thing.
Just for one thing.
If I sorted it out,
If I knew all about this one thing,
Wouldn’t that be something?
I promise I might
Just give it a try.
Maybe next time
But, not this time.
Even though I know,
I don’t want to know.
Yeah, I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds.
If I traded it all,
If I gave it all away for one thing.
Just for one thing.
If I sorted it out,
If I knew all about this one thing,
Wouldn’t that be something?
If I traded it all,
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing.
If I sorted it out,
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something?
Even though I know,
I don’t want to know.
Yeah I guess I know,
I just hate how it sounds.
Even though I know,
I don’t want to know.
Yeah I guess I know,
I just hate how it sounds.
If I traded it all,
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing.
If I sorted it out,
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something?
That last question hung in the air while I turned my gaze down again. Time passed and the band went back testing and fiddling their instruments. Merlot let me sit in silence for a few minutes so I could process what I just sang. He was the first to speak again. “I can’t help you choose, but you do have be willing to let go of one side or another. It might be as simple as saying goodbye respectfully. There’s no shame in that.”
My first reaction to what he suggested was to reject it, but when I thought more on it I found progressively more merit in it. It’d hurt, but I was hurting already, so I only could go up from here. If I didn’t do something different, I’d be feeling like this until the day I die. “Heh. Maybe you’re right,” I admitted, “Not sure if it’ll fix much, but it’ll be a start, eh?”
Merlot nodded. “That’s how I see it.”
“You know, you’re like Wilson,” I joked, “Except that I can see your face.”
There was a pause as Merlot reflected on that, but it wasn’t long before confusion set in. “I’ve no idea what that means.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s a compliment,” I said, knowing full well that it explained nothing. The joking aside, I didn’t feel any better about my situation, but I had an idea about what I could do for the next step, and with a little luck, I’d be able to set some things right. “Thanks for the advice.”
“You’re very welcome. It’s a good thing you came to me though, because I would’ve hated having to use my connections to have you dragged here,” Merlot teased right back.
“Well, no need to call them in yet. Wait until I give you a lousy eight percent tip, or something,” I said as I got up and looked to the door. “There’s a pony I have to go see, but do me a favour and if you see Berry, just make sure she doesn’t do anything to hurt herself.”
“That goes without asking, Scriber. Of course I’ll do whatever I can for her,” he answered quickly.
“Thanks. Hopefully see you later today with some details.” Despite how it came around, it felt good to have a plan of action for once. Ever since I’ve got here, I’ve let others tell me the plan was. I simply just reacted to what every other pony did and followed everything they said, but this was important to just stay on the sidelines for.
To that end, I left the bar and made my way towards Sugarcube Corner, and I walked as if I was on a mission.
“Hey there, Scriber,” Mr. Cake greeted as soon as I stepped through the door. He was tending the counter as he usually was when I came in. “Need your bagels?”
“Actually, not right at the moment. Is Pinkamena around today?” I asked of him.
“I think she might be in her room. If you want to see her, it’s up the stairs, third door on your right, but she did say she was busy at her “super-duper top secret project”,” he said complete with air quotes with his hooves.
“Thanks. I’ll try and keep it quick then, but can you get the bagels ready for when I’m on the way out? This should only take a few minutes.”
“Sure can, Scriber,” he replied, and I was up the stairs. The room was right where I was told, but with all the decorations and glitter she had one the door, I don’t think I would’ve needed the directions. I knocked at the door cautiously. Then, I knocked again after a minute went by without an answer.
Maybe she wasn’t home, and I was ready to leave when the door swung open. Pinkamena was there, facing away from me, and staring intently at something inside of her room.
“Heya Scriber!” she chimed as cheerfully as ever even though she was facing away from me.
“Hello, Pinkamena. Did I catch you at a bad time?” I asked as I leaned around to try and see what she was looking at.
“Well, no. Not right at the moment. This part is the boring part where I just watch and see what happens,” she answered back and she walked back into her room. “Come on in. You can help!”
“Help with what?” I asked but that was answered when I followed her in. In the center of the room was a writing desk with a raven sitting on it, and all around them were cameras and notebooks. Actually, no. I still had no idea what she was doing.
“Well, I’m solving that riddle of yours and to do that, you have to do experiments!” she explained as she sat back down.
“But, there’s not supposed to be an answ-” I was cut off by a pink hoof on my nose.
“If it’s a riddle, there’s an answer, Silly,” she giggled. “So, help me watch, alright?”
I looked between Pinkamena and the desk and gave my head a shake. Ignore it. That was the advice I was given when dealing with her weirdness and I could see why. “Uh, I actually came here because I need some help, and you’re the best pony in town to do it.”
She glanced my way. “Oh? What do you need, Scriber? Some cupcakes?”
“Actually, I need you to get a party together, and in the next few days,” I said, “It’s important to me.”
What I just asked for registered with her and she lost all interest in the experiment. Instead, she was bouncing and prancing right in front of me. “Oh gosh! Really! I can totally do that! Is your birthday coming up? Is that why you need this party? Are we throwing you a birthday party? Because, I can totally get lots of fun games and tasty treats out for that!”
“Actually, I need a very specific sort of party, and I’m going to make a bunch of requests you need to keep secret,” I said as I took a step back from her.
“Ooooh? A secret sort of party?” she asked.
“Not quite. Are you familiar with the concept of a ‘wake’?” I asked.
//----------------------------- // Story: Off the Beaten Path // Chapter: In the Wake // Author: PingSquirrel // Editor: flyingfox //----------------------------
I found myself humming a lot of Harry Chapin over the next few days. Maybe it was because the morose mood of Harry’s songs matched my mood, or maybe it was the work that I was doing to get ready for the wake was bringing up a lot of memories of my former life. When I was young, my family took a trip through the northern states in a RV and the soundtrack to the whole trip was the Best of Harry Chapin live. It was irksome that I knew the singer’s name, but not the family that was with me. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think I’d remembered the words to any of his songs, yet here I was singing along to Mr. Tanner while I finished composing a letter to get a DJ with ‘ultra modern’ equipment out to Ponyville. Hopefully she’ll be able to accommodate what I had in mind for the night. If not, we could work something out, I’m sure. Magic seemed versatile enough.
It was a short walk for me between the The Glen and the post office. Since the falling out, Merlot let me stay up in the loft as a temporary measure. It was better than sleeping outside and lunch was never that far away. The first couple nights here wasn’t too bad, but I hoped to get to somewhere better soon. It was pretty cramped on that little cot for a big guy like me, but at least the food was as good as always here.
Anyways, I stuffed the letter into the envelope, put it in the borrowed saddlebags I had with the other envelope, and headed out with little more of a wave towards Merlot. It was a short list of errands at least with only a few items on the schedule before I had to get back to planning, but the second thing on it was what I was dreading and item one was simply sending off a letter. It wasn’t going to delay anything. Not that I should put this off anymore than I already have. At least the leisurely walk was giving me plenty of time to work through what I was going to say. Just like the first time, I was getting my scripts together in my brain, and stuffing the letter into the postbox was no distraction from that.
So, why did every path in my head lead to the worst case scenario? Things were already bad enough for me without my brain preemptively adding another layer of suck on top of it. I just had to be calm, logical and not complicate anything. Keep it simple, clean and quick. Most of all, just don’t expect anything out of this. Anything else, and I’d just make things worse. What will happen, will happen, and that is that.
I looked down the road towards the manor and dread made me stop in place. My planning wasn’t helping me get past my fear at all. I hadn’t been back since I got kicked out a couple days ago, and I wasn’t looking forward to going there again, but all of my things were there. If I was lucky…
That thought actually died in my head right there, and I started laughing bitterly right in the middle of the street. It wasn’t the first time I collected sidelong glances from passing ponies, and likely not the last either if everything went as I hoped. I’m sure I have quite the reputation as the crazy earth tradespony around town, but I think I came by that honestly with all the things that have happened to me. You could say that chance had it out for me in a bad way. Yeah. Like I should rely on luck now, or ever again, after all it’s done for me over the last few months. All, I could say about everything is that it could be worse.
Know what. Screw luck. I was getting tired of letting the chips land where they may, because it was never anything good. Look where it’s gotten me so far; stranded and alone in another world. Maybe this is what they called rock bottom, so why did I keep asking for new shovels?
I wanted this to go well. No. I needed this to go well. No other result was acceptable. Once I was there, I wouldn’t leave until I got something good out of this. That was simple and clean, so it still fell into my requirements. Now, it was just a matter of doing it.
Now that I had my mission, I stopped dreading what was to happen. Of course, I was still nervous as hell about this, but I know Berry. She was a wonderful mare and, even with the mistake we both made, she’d at least give me a chance to speak. With that thought in head, I started on my way towards Berry’s once again but with a bit more perk in my step. I knew what I wanted, and what I needed to do, and that made the plan so much more simple.
It was just the individual steps that were hard, and the imposing doors in front of me were a solid reminder of that. If my schedule wasn’t so tight over the next few days, I could put this off. It was as good a reason as any to deny myself any reason to procrastinate anymore. I knocked, and immediately regretted it with thoughts of being unready for this flying through my head. I didn’t know why things went so badly, so quickly. I had hurt her without even meaning to.
From within the home, I heard some shuffling, slow steps. “Just a minute,” Berry said from within, leaving me with precious seconds to prepare myself for what was coming. We hadn’t spoke since that day.
The door opened partially, and the grape mare was there looking at me. She didn’t look happy nor sad, but the blank stare was piercing. I did feel a pang of shame when I did a quick sniff to check the air, but at least it confirmed that there was no alcohol. “Hello Berry,” I said politely, though internally, I was ready to panic. Maybe if I had thought of a better greeting, I wouldn’t be thinking I already blew it. “We should talk.”
“I think we’ve said enough,” she said, closing the door, but I got my hoof just inside to keep it closing entirely. Ow. Even when you got a solid hoof, a door closing on you can make you wince.
I powered through the pain. “Clearly, we haven’t if we’re like this,” I said, as I kept looking at her unchanging expression. That dispassionate stare was more hurtful than anything she could say right now. I just wanted my friend back and she was looking at me like I was an interruption. If she was mad, that’d mean she felt something, but this meant nothing.
She kept the pressure on the door. I could easily force myself by, but that wasn’t the point. “I don’t have anything I want to say right now,” she said, finally breaking that stare to look away. It was a start.
“Then just listen Berry, because I’ve got things I want to tell you. Please just hear me out,” I said as I pulled my hoof back from the door. She didn’t close the door right away, so I took that as permission to continue. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do. There hasn’t been a day that I hadn’t thought about how good it was to meet you. You’ve been there for me in ways I can’t put into words, but I bet you’re a big reason I’m staying sane over the last few months.”
She looked back up at me, with her eyes shining with welling tears. “What did I do wrong, then? How did it end up being a mistake?” she demanded with her muzzle wrinkling up in an effort to hold her back from crying outright.
Not even a minute into the conversation and we were already off the scripts in my head and into territory that I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t want her like this. Seeing her like this again was no better than the first time. “There wasn’t a mistake,” I said softly with my head bowed enough to look away from the mare. “Just, I wasn’t ready.”
The silence between us was nearly complete, with only the sniffles and heavy breathing being the only sounds being made. There was no telling how long we just stayed like that, each on one side of the door, but I didn’t know how to follow that up. It was best to just let her have her time to process that.
She was the first to break the silence. “W-will you?” she said as she wiped a fetlock over her eyes.
“Will I what?” I asked.
“Be ready,” she said as our eyes met again. I hated how she looked with her face streaked with tears and wished that I could make everything better.
“I honestly don’t know, Berry. I wish I knew,” I replied in that same soft voice, “It’s not your fault but I can’t leave everything I was behind. It’s too much.”
She didn’t answer right away, but just nodded as she stood there as she processed what she was thinking. “You were the first time a stallion wanted to be around me. I was so sure that you were different,” she said as she fought down sobs. I couldn’t blame her for what happened, but I didn’t realise how much of her hopes she had pinned on me until now. “If I was a little better, maybe we could do something to fix everything.”
“Please stop blaming yourself, Berry. It’s not you, it’s me,” I said before I even realised what I was saying. Did that cliche actually come out of my mouth? Whatever, move on to the real issues. “I never meant to hurt you. It’s just that...”
“It’s just what?” she returned as soon as I left off on that hanging note. She even got a hold of her tears.
“I was drunk, hurt, and needed somepony, but not like that,” I answered honestly.
That got a spark out of her, but not in the way I wanted. She stepped forward so she was was nearly nose to nose with me when she snapped, “You didn’t complain at the time!”
“Of course I didn’t! I was drunk and you were there for me. You took me in, helped me cope! You were the only good that I had in a terrible day, and I looo-” I cut myself off midway through that last word, though judging by her wide eyes, she knew where it was going. God, is that how I felt? I backed down and lowered my tone. “I really, truly care about you, but I just lost a lot of others that I care for, too. I need to find where I stand on it all before I can do anything else. Anything else wouldn’t be fair to them or me.”
She backed away slowly and sat on her flanks with her head turned down. “I just wanted us to happen so badly. I’m tired of being used, Scriber. It happened so many times that I just gave up, then you showed up. I just thought this time, a stallion would need me the next day,” she stated, before she shook her head. “I… I didn’t think.”
The time seemed right for me to take the chance and I pushed the door open to approach her. “Please stop, Berry. I forgive you, but I still need time to figure things out and when I do, I hope you’re still in my life, one way or another.”
She even cracked a briefly lived smile there. There’s no words for how nice that was to see, even if it only lasted a few seconds. I guess she realised that wasn’t a promise of anything deeper than a friendship and that killed the mood again. “I’d appreciate you to do one thing for me, though. I’ll understand if you’d rather not.”
“What is it?”
I dipped my nose into my saddlebag and pulled the envelope out to place it on a nearby table. “It’s an invitation to something really important to me. The details on when and where it is. It’d mean everything to me if you showed up for it, but I’d get it if you didn’t want to,” I explained as I kept my distance from her. I didn’t want to force anything. “It’s in a couple days, and hopefully I can get everything set up in time. I really think it’ll help me through all this.”
“I can do that,” she answered flatly. There was a lack of life to her right now as she looked over the envelope, as if she had been drained. I could sympathize with that. We both hoped for more out of all this, but this result was better than it could have been at least. There was a plan now and neither of us was crying.
“Thank you, Berry,” I said, then we just both stood there in silence again. It wasn’t anything that either of meant to happen, but both of us had a lack of things to say. Eventually, I broke the silence. “I’m going to get what I need from my room, Berry. I’ll be back when it’s all done and we can figure out what comes next then, alright?”
She nodded, and I took those first few steps towards the stairs before she spoke up. “I hope whatever comes next is better than this,” she said after me. “Your stuff is where you left it.”
For the second time today I laughed bitterly. “Me too, Berry. Me too,” I replied before I kept going to my room. She didn’t follow me as headed into my room. It was exactly as I left it which was a relief. Even with Berry being anything but the vindictive sort, I had visions of fires on the front lawn. If she was that sort of pony, I doubt I’d want anything to do with her.
Since everything was where I left it, finding things came quickly. It felt good to have my hat and vest back. When you’re a plain yellow and brown pony like me, you needed all the help you could get to get a little colour into your pallette. After a moment in the room’s mirror to make sure they were set properly on me, I turned to sling my bag of tools over my back. I hadn’t done any actual work since I got kicked out, and the thought of getting to some tin actually excited me. It was a siren’s call, even, and a very new sensation. Maybe there was more to special talents than the mark on the flank. It’d have to wait because I had more pressing things. As if to drive that point home, I opened up a duffle bag. In with my old clothes and wallet from back when I had only two legs, was my laptop and iPod. The plan was still on.
I slung it over my back too, and with everything I needed, I headed back out, only to run into Berry as soon as I opened my room’s door. The poor mare looked as distraught as she did a few minutes ago. What wouldn’t lay that fear to rest was seeing me with all my bags like this. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you, Scriber, but I need you to promise me that you’re not going forever. Please?” she pleaded.
Just putting my hoof against hers as a show of comfort, but I’m instantly taken by how much that simple touch sweeps me up as well. It’s enough to make my head turn down. “I’m not. I just need to work out a few things, and well, you’ll see what I mean. Just... just don’t think I’m leaving because of what happened. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
She let out the breath she was holding. “I guess, I’ll see you in a couple days then?”
“Well, I’ll be there,” I joked rather lamely. The joke failed entirely to lighten the mood, but it did set the tone for the work to come.
~~~
“You know, Scriber, the alterations on these ‘clothes’ as you called them were nearly impossible without destroying them entirely,” Rarity complained as she dropped off the package for me on the bartop. “The design was totally ill-suited for anypony, and to adjust them so they wouldn’t bind the front hooves was exceptionally difficult. Not to mention that they were made of a cloth that I couldn’t identify, and all the tags were written in a language that I couldn’t fathom. You’re lucky that I’m so exceptionally talented.”
Like the last two days, it was non-stop work for me with the final preparations to get The Glade ready for my party. With Rarity here, I turned a bit of my attention her way. “Nylon or polyester, I’d imagine,” I answered as I prodded my hooves against the stacks of wires for the stage’s sound system, and yet again, failed to get the plug set in. I might be used to the lack of fingers, but there was only so much I could do. It probably was best to leave this to the unicorn that Pinkamena hired.
“Wherever did you get them? They might not be the finest of fabrics, but I’m sure they could have some utilitarian uses,” she said as she inspected the job I was doing, then simply completed it in an instant with her magic, leaving me to stare at the finished job.
“Uh, Wal-mart or Mark’s most likely,” I replied as I scanned over the colours of the plugs. Of course she did it instantly in a fraction of the time it would’ve taken me. “You could’ve done that earlier, you know?”
“I didn’t know what exact it was you were doing,” she said as she looked around. The place was a far cry from what she would recognize as a “Pinkie party”. For starters, there was no cake, steamers, banners or balloons (all at my repeated insistence). Instead trays of simpler fare like little mini-sandwichs on the tables. I did allow for proper tablecloths though. I’m not a total savage. “I must ask, what’s the occasion. I know you’ve said it’s a secret, but I’m absolutely dying to know.”
“You’ll see,” I said right back, much to her dismay. “Hey Vinyl! Try it now!”
The speakers clicked on and her tomboyish voice came through. “Check one, check two. Sounds pretty good so far to me.”
That was one thing down. “Can you come over to Twilight’s table then? I’ve got something to show you and it’s pretty important,” I called to her, and the white mare with the shades (inside, no less), came trotting over to join me, Twilight and Spike. She’d been waiting patiently in a booth ever since I promised her some time to try out some technology that she’d never seen before.
“Just a sec,” Vinyl called back as she worked her control panel.
“May I join you, too?” Rarity asked.
“Yeah, sure. Another unicorn might be a good idea for what I’m planning,” I said as I trotted over and pulled the laptop from my saddlebag with my mouth. Yet another reminder that it wasn’t made for hooved users. I’d made sure it was fully charged for this little experiment, but that didn’t make it any easier to open.
“Is this it?” Twilight asked excitedly. “It looks like a book!”
“It looks like a book,” echoed Spike with a lot less enthusiasm than Twilight.
“Well, yeah. It kind of is, but not really. I just need to know something,” I said while I powered it up, and the ponies leaned in to inspect the glowing screen. They were fascinated but didn’t really know what they were looking at. “You know how you can get a translation spell on a book, but not on anything spoken?”
“Well, yes. It’s because a spoken word’s medium is air and that is very mutable. It’s possible to sculpt the pressure waves to alter sounds travelling, but it’d take a level of precision and exactness that I doubt even Princess Celestia could maintain for long. Alternately, you could alter the speaker’s thoughts, but that goes into the taboo field of mentalism, and the same goes for the receiver. Written words are just simply ink on paper; all you have to do is let the intentions of the words come through and alter the visual to match,” Twilight explained. By the end of that lesson, Spike was face down on the table.
“Thank you for that exposition dump,” I teased Twilight before turning to the small dragon. “How do you deal with her?”
“I cope,” he replied dryly.
Using my tongue, (much to the disgust of the watchers), opened up a notepad, and typed a quick message.
“Oh ick. There has to be a better way to do that, dear,” Rarity said with her nose wrinkling up.
All I could do is shrug for the act that was already done. “Sorry. This thing isn’t made for ponies, and especially not for an earth pony. Not hoof-friendly at all. That said, can one of you hit this message with a translation spell?”
Twilight’s horn started to glow through the bandages wrapping it. “I can do it,” she said quickly. I guess she really wanted to see what this machine was about.
“You sure you’re up to it? It hasn’t been three months yet, and your horn is still splinted,” I pointed out. By this time, Vinyl was walking over to us to see what we had.
“I’m fine. The doctors said it’d be good for me to ease back into magic with some minor spells,” she said as she looked like she was straining to maintain the magic, but the aura enveloped the screen as well. The writing shifted. I could still read it.
“Hello world?” the onlookers all said at once, and I laughed.
“Success! Now, let’s try something a little more difficult,” I said right before I closed that window and moved into the movie player. They watched that little arrow slide around the screen with dumbstruck expressions.
“What in Tartarus are we looking at?” Vinyl asked brashly with a toss of her spikey mane.
I opened the movie player, and made my choice for what to use for an example for the next part. “Now, can you translate a moving word? If it’s too much, maybe Vinyl or Rarity can try it,” I said as I pulled back. The aura faintly took the machine again.
“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Star Wars” Spike read as the text crawl slid up the screen. “Episode four. A New Hope. It was a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships striking from a hidden base, had won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. Hey! Why did you turn it off? That looked really cool!”
“Relax. You’ll see more tonight. This was more of a proof of concept,” I explained. I then looked at Twilight who had a hoof to her horn. Rarity was already at her side with a glass of water in her own magical grip.
“You mustn’t strain yourself like that dear. You’re still recovering from the accident,” Rarity scolded.
“It’s a simple spell though. I should be able to do it, but it’s like I have to cast it so many times,” she said.
“There’s a screen refresh rate to consider. Basically, it’s a whole bunch of still pictures you just saw. Is it possible to have a unicorn just sit there and run translation on this, or is it too intense?” I asked, hoping that this little snag wouldn’t ruin anything.
“Well, any healthy unicorn can do it, and the spell is pretty simple to teach. I’d explain it, but you’re an earth pony. It’s a bunch of concepts that you don’t even have the sense to experience,” Twilight replied. She looked like she was hurting, with Rarity already drizzling some water over her horn.
“What’s this got to do with me?” the DJ asked. “You want me to run this thing?”
“No. You’ll need the translation spell, but I’ve got something else entirely in mind,” as I went back into my bag and got my iPod out. “For your end, I want you to be playing music out of this thing. From the looks of it, the jacks should work with this,” I said. It wasn’t that much of a stretch considering that the wall plugs worked with my tools.
“What’s this?” she asked as she looked at the little square. “It’s tiny. How much music can this thing hold anyways?
“Um. It’s good for about four days of music if you queued it all up and just played it,” I replied. She actually slid her glasses off of her nose when I dropped that little fact, and looked at the device again with arched eyebrows. “Just get the translation spell from Twilight and I’ll show you how to use it, and after this is all done, if you like anything you hear, feel free to record it. It’s not like the record companies can sue us for piracy here.”
That got a blank stare. “What?”
“Nevermind. Point is, if you like it, you can have it,” I replied. Eventually, my laptop and iPod would die, and that sort of offer might mean the difference between the loss of some excellent tunes and movies and their preservation. “And, I can guarantee that you’ve never heard anything on this thing before.”
She looked ready to contest that, with her mouth opened with a half-formed challenge, then she glanced at the device again. “Normally, I’d say that’s nuts, but your stuff is already kind of nuts so maybe you have a few things I don’t.”
“You’ve got no idea,” I replied as I gave the clock a quick glance. It wasn’t long now, and I was still waiting from a check-in from Pinkamena and a couple of her friends, and Dash was getting a package for me all the way from Canterlot. When you can fly, a day trip to neighboring cities becomes much more feasible. “Excuse me a moment.”
At the bar was the one that gave me this idea in the first place, who was apparently just making some last minute preparations of his own. As always, he was as prim and proper as possible, even if it was just for sorting out bottles. When I approached the bar, Merlot spoke up first. “You know, when I said a respectful farewell, I didn’t mean that you had to go to this sort of length,” he said.
“Yeah, but I was getting pretty tired of half-measures. They really weren’t getting me anywhere,” I chuckled before I looked at the ponies that were already here, doing the work to get things ready.
“But, you’re sure about this, Scriber? There’s no taking something like this back afterwards,” he continued and he actually sounded worried for me. What was the worst that could happen?
I gave a dispassionate shrug. “I’ve haven’t been sure of much lately. Why would this be any different?”
He had no argument for that, so he just let out a little hum, while the bottles clinked about. “Well, you know where you’ve got a place to stay if things don’t turn out as planned,” he said as he continued his work.
“Thanks, Merlot. That means a lot to me.”
“All part of the plan of getting another customer-for-life,” he stated plainly. While his marketing was rather narrow in scope, I couldn’t argue its effectiveness. This was a place I’d recommend to anypony I met from here on in.
“You got it, and if you ever need any fix-it work done around here, just let me know; I’d be glad to do it. It’s the least I owe you,” I replied, “ And that doesn’t even count anything for letting me use this place for this thing in the first place.”
“Ah, that’s just bits, Scriber. Those will sort themselves out,” he replied. He looked like he was about to say more, when the door burst open.
“Canterlot and back in four hours and twenty minutes! I’m awesome!” Rainbow Dash gasped as she walked in looking like she was about two steps from collapsing on the ground. Even so, that feat was pretty impressive considering the distance covered, but I was still much more interested in the package strapped to her back. Maybe Scootaloo or whatever her name was could stroke her ego later.
“Put whatever she has on my tab, Merlot,” I said, before turning to the mare and walking to her to take the package from her. God, I hope she had a chance to get to a shower before the party, because she smelled like sweat. “Thank you. Anything you want, it’s yours Rainbow. My treat.”
“Thanks, Scriber,” she panted as she made her way to the bar, and practically flopped over it. “Water first, then we’ll see about the other stuff.”
Merlot would take care of her, and I turned my attention back to the special delivery she made just for me and took it back to the table where Rarity and Twilight were. Twilight looked much less strained from her earlier magical effort. “You’re alright there?” I asked as I set down the package and put my muzzle to it to work on the strings holding the whole thing together.
The pair looked over to me. “I’ll be alright. I just didn’t expect to be doing that much magic all at once, but it’s good knowing I can still do it.”
“So, uh, I’m going to ask the question that every nerd waits for,” I said as soon as I got the the knots loose, and let the brown wrapping fall away from a strange device within it. It was tricky to track down on short order, and pricey too, but I’m sure Twilight would love to keep a projecting magnifying glass for her library. “Do you want to run the projector?”
“I’m not a nerd, I’m well read,” Twilight objected, even while Spike sniggered. It was pretty obvious what his opinion of the assessment was.
“Search your feelings. You know it to be true,” I teased as I possessively held the projector in my hooves, as if to guard it from unworthy eyes.
“Running the projector doesn’t make you a nerd,” she retorted as if it were some sort of defense to the charge laid against her. My chuckling continued unabated. “But, yeah, I want to do it.”
I chuckled at that point. “Let this Faustian pact be sealed. Blood won’t be needed, because I’m feeling rather generous today.”
Once again I left the group surrounding me confused. Been doing that a lot today, and this wouldn’t be the last time either. It was Rarity that spoke up first, after a little cough, “What’s gotten into you, Scriber? I’ve never seen you so, what’s the word, lively.”
“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m all nerves about what’s coming up, and am totally deflecting with humour,” I candidly answered as I finally pushed the projector over, after dropping a small envelope atop of it. “Besides, I haven’t had a plan for a while now. Feels good to have one. Now, when it comes time, just put on the first picture.”
Spike was already reaching for the envelope, but he gave up on the pursuit with a huff when I put my hoof down on it. “And no peeking. You’ll see it in a couple hours and I really don’t want to explain it twice.”
“Got it, and I’ll keep a certain little dragon from ruining the surprise,” Twilight said with a quick nod to the drake.
Things were coming together nicely, and it was in no small part to those that were helping me out. There was simply no way I could do all of this by myself without their help, but now the stage was pretty much set. All that was needed now was the audience. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was deflecting; already I felt a tightness in my stomach thanks to my nerves. Even just thinking about it made it worse. “Thanks again. You know, do you think you guys can take care of things here? I think I need to give myself a bit before this all goes down.”
“Of course, Scriber. We can send for you when the guests start to arrive,” Rarity offered.
“Thanks. I owe you all,” I said, before I pulled out of my chair, and walked away to my room upstairs after picking up the package of clothing that Rarity got ready for me. Even before I made it to the stairs, I could hear the ponies there return to their work, shuffling things around. They were such a good bunch. Each and everyone of them.
The loft wasn’t really my room as much as a storage area with some things cleared aside to make room for a cot, but it was the best that Merlot could do on short notice and I was thankful for whatever he could offer. Now that I had some time alone, I flopped onto that cot and stared straight up at the dusty ceiling. Thoughts and worries were floating through my head. Would this turn out how I hoped? Would I be causing a panic by doing this? I don’t think so. Not if I was honest and straightforward with what I was doing here. Could I do this to everyone I knew back on Earth? Was this the right thing to do? Maybe, that question was irrelevant. I mean, the actual question was could I live with what I was doing today.
“Well guys, I know you can’t hear me, but here I am. I’m doing alright, and I’m so sorry for worrying all of you with how I just vanished,” I muttered to those I left behind. Just saying this aloud was hard. Well, that didn’t take long for my eyes to start watering up. “Yeah. I’m okay. There’s a lot of good ponies where I ended up, and it’s going to turn out alright for me, one way or another, but, I’m really sorry I can’t come back. If there was anything I could do to change that, I’d do it in an instant, but I just can’t. This is not anything I ever wanted to happen, but I guess these sorts of things happen, as weird as that all sounds. Hell, I bet you guys wouldn’t believe what happened to me even if I could tell you. It’s just on this side of impossible, but it happened.”
I laid my front hoof overtop of my face, and took a deep breath. “Sorry. I guess, I’m delaying what I’m trying to get to here. I can’t go back. It’s not possible. So, today has to be goodbye. I’ll never forget you guys, but I need a life here and it’s not going to happen if I keep looking back. I just have to move on and, well… I hope you all can do the same. Maybe you guys can even forgive me one day.”
My sight was a blur at that point and it was only getting worse as tears streamed down my cheeks. “Damn it. I hoped I wouldn’t cry again,” I chuckled softly. I wish I was tougher and able to control my emotions better. “But, yeah. I miss you all. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright and I hope all of you are alright, too.”
There was time to relax and calm myself before I went to practicing the script I penned out, and I was going to take advantage of it.
~~~
The clothes fit well, although they did look strange on a pony, but at least they fit well thanks to the modifications Rarity put them through. In addition to my normal ballcap, the green Carhartt’s now had a place for my brown tail to sneak out of and the simple grey hoodie was comfortable again. It was a touch warm, but that was because I also had a coat too. There was simply nothing I could do to fix that.
Downstairs, I could hear the shuffle of hooves and the murmur of voices. The turn-out was pretty good and it was nearly go time for me. The stage was set and and the crowd was here; all that was left was for me to actually go down there. With one last deep breath, and I forced myself to start walking down the stairs. Every step towards that stage took a little more of my nerves making the next one harder to take, and it only got worse when I saw the bustling crowd that that was packed wall to wall. Pinkamena truly outdid my expectation in the sheer number of ponies that were here, but looking over the crowd, I realised that there wasn’t a pony here that I didn’t know the name of.
That helped. I took another deep breath in a pathetic effort to calm my jitters, and resumed my walk to the stage where the microphone was waiting. The conversations around the room didn’t dull a bit as I took my place and looked over the sea of ponies again, which is a good thing because my mouth felt like it was filled with cotton and my words were failing me. I had a little speech I had in mind for this, but my mind was blank. What if I mess this up? Would they hate me? Maybe they wouldn’t believe me. Would I get kicked out of town if they did?
This was a mistake and I actually snorted nervously, and the mic picked that up. That sound echoed through the room and all the large eyes turned my way. Ah, crud.
“G-g-good e-evening,” I croaked once I realised that they were waiting for me to speak, but it came came out as nothing more than a squeak that the mic barely registered. I was blowing this. This was a mistake. I couldn’t do this. I had to get off the stage, but my hooves were lead and I was staring at the crowd in my paralyzed state of panic. Each one of their faces looked at me questioningly, as if to ask what the hell it was I was doing on stage in the first place. I was getting their pity.
Damn it. I was looking like an idiot. Why can’t I say anything? All I could do is stare at those staring at me.
…
…
…
...
There. By the bar.
Berry was there, looking up at me with a smile.
She came. She came for me.
I can do this.
Breathe. Deep breaths. I can do this.
“Good evening, Ladies and Gentlecolts,” I said clearly into the mic. “Sorry about the stage fright there, but it couldn’t be helped. First off, I want to thank you all for coming here today. It’s very much appreciated, and hopefully, I’ll be able to explain why it is you’re here today by the end, eh?”
The crowd didn’t matter as much anymore. I can do this.
“Now, the lack of balloons and streamers should let you know that this isn’t the way that Pinkamena usually decorates for a party. Let me tell you, it was no small feat to talk her down from all that, but this isn’t supposed to be that sort of party. Don’t worry though, I do hope you all have a great evening here. Before I get into the crux of all this, I’d like to thank all the ponies that pitched in for this.
“Merlot for letting us use his bar.” The stallion was behind the bar and gave a little salute back my way while the crowd stamped politely.
“Pinkamena for pulling out all the stops to arrange the decorations, music, invitations and catering in short order. She got it all together so fast, I’d swear she had this all planned already.”
“I didn’t have all of it ready, but I do keep several party caches ready to go for emergencies!” the pink mare called back and the crowd stamped and laughed.
“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me at all, Pinkamena,” I said before continuing on. “Next up is Twilight Sparkle for technical expertise which will come up later tonight. It’s good to see her up and about and hope her recovery continues!” She waved politely to the crowd from her post at the projector.
“Finally, last but in no way least, a very special mare that inspired me to come up here in the first place. If it wasn’t for her, I’m sure I’d still be sitting in my truck feeling sorry for myself. Thank you, Berry. Thank you so very, very much.”
She practically shrank away from the looks she got, but without anywhere to go, she gave just a little meek wave back.
“I guess its time to get on with this,” I said. This was it. Let’s do this. “Now, I came to Ponyville a little more than two months ago, and I’ve never been that forthcoming with details of where I came from. Some of you have noticed some interesting turns of phrase come out of my mouth and I do have a few odd tools and things that I’m sure you’ve never seen before. I’ve never explained any of them because of the Royal Decree that I keep it secret, but now, it just seems that it is a moot point entirely. I can’t return home, nor can anyone else come here, and just forgetting the past isn’t doing me any favours, so tonight, I plan to just share it with all of you. That way you can understand where I come from and who I am. Twilight, please put up the first picture.”
The wall behind me lit up with a blown up picture of my driver’s license, complete with my old face in one side of it, staring straight ahead. It still looked odd with how flat my face was with those tiny, predatory eyes. It was alien and much of the crowd must of felt that way, with the murmurs that ran through the crowd. Even so, we had the same mane colour, the same colour of eyes, the builds weren’t dissimilar despite the difference in species. Somepony would notice.
“Ew! That thing is like a bald monkey!” Lyra called from the back corner and several laughed. Thanks Lyra. However, it didn’t stop several looking between me and the picture and seeing what I wanted to be noticed.
“Scriber! You look like that thing!” a shrill filly called out.
“Heh. That’s not too far off the truth, Sweetie Belle. It’s a picture of me before I wound up here. My name back on my homeworld was Kerry von Kassel and was something called a human, which is, in its most broadest definitions a bald simian,” I said with a shrug, and I could tell instantly that the ponies through the bar were having troubles understanding what I was saying. “The way I came here was a magical mishap that left me as a pony. Now that I’ve been here for a while, I can say I’m glad for the change. It made fitting in a lot easier, and I got to meet a lot of wonderful ponies because of it.”
I don’t think anyone in the audience that didn’t already know the truth really knew what to make of the revelation. That’s alright with me if they needed time because it gave me time to talk.
“Now, when I was pulled across here, I lost my old life. I had friends, family and an entire world of the familiar that vanished in the blink of an eye. I can’t bring them here, nor can I go back, so I’ll never see any of them again, and they’ll never know what happened to me,” I said, closing my eyes and taking a moment to just deal with that again. It was hard everytime I said it, but I couldn’t cry this time. “In effect, the day I came here, Kerry von Kassel died. So, with that said, this is his wake.”
Off to one side of the stage was a bottle and a glass on a small table, and I walked over in silence to pour a single shot. My audience let me do this in silence, and when the glass was filled, I picked it up to balance on a hoof and lifted it towards the projected picture on the screen “To his family, friends, and all that knew him back home; may they have the strength and support to move on. May he be remembered fondly there. And, to the the pony that replaced him here, may he find new friends and family to give him strength and support in the future,” I toasted before lifting the glass up to the crowd. Next came the tricky part simply because a pony’s mouth wasn’t made for the noises I was going to make next. “Sa-Slan-cheee. Pardon me. My english is a little rusty. Actually, it’s not really english, but, know what never mind. Let’s try and do that one more time.” With one more effort I forced the sounds through my mouth. God, it sounded weird, but it was close enough. “Sláinte!”
Now, none of them knew what I just said, but they could follow my lead when I downed my drink. Still, I don’t think all of them believed me, but at least I was getting it out there.
“Now, while I can’t bring you everything that I had, what I can do is show you the little bits I brought with me. Tonight’s music will be entirely by human bands and artists, and while there are similarities, there are pretty huge differences. With a little luck, maybe you guys can get me singing the translations, too.
“And, on the other side of the room, there’s going to be a couple movies going that you can watch. All I need is a unicorn to run the translation spell, and if you want a chance to help out, feel free to ask Twilight and she can teach it to you,” I said, pointing to a table with my laptop on it. “We’re going to start with something that anypony can enjoy called “The Princess Bride”, then later, after all the foals are gone home, we can switch it up to the greatest action star ever.”
“You guys have Daring Do?!” asked an excited Rainbow Dash.
“Uh, no. I’m talking about John McClane in “Die Hard”,” I corrected her, with a rub on the back of my neck. “But, I’m pretty sure that Daring Do is pretty good in her own right.”
“Pretty good!? She’s awesome!” retorted Rainbow as she flew up to stage.
“Hey! I’m not here to argue it. Just watch later and you’ll see what I mean,” I said as I tried to shoo her off from the stages airspace. “Anyways, start up the music, Miss Scratch!” Dutifully, she nosed the iPod’s screen and the sound of strings came from the speakers. “Please enjoy Blind Guardian playing Sacred Worlds.”
The soft introduction of orchestral wasn’t foreign to Equestria at all, and that was the exact effect I hoped to cultivate. From the stage, I could watch some expectations be dashed though I don’t know what they were expecting. Maybe they wanted something that sounded entirely alien and they got that when the first hit of electric guitar joined in, but it wasn’t until the vocals kicked in that eyes went wide. As I had been reminded many times since getting here, the human voice was very different from a pony’s.
While the others listened, I snuck down from the stage and made my way through the crowd towards the bar where there was the pony I needed to see. Apparently she needed to see me too, because as soon as I got close, I was wrapped up in a hug but the grape coloured mare. “Good to see you too, Berry.”
“Scriber, you didn’t need to do that. What will the princesses say when they find out?” she said as she clung to me.
“Don’t know, don’t care,” I flippantly replied, even as I returned the hug. “What does matter is that, well, things can get better from here. I’m not going to deny who I was, or who I am now.”
She pulled back from me and tilted her head a little to the side as if I just said something crazy, and I just shrugged with a what I hope was a roguish smile. “You’re nuts,” she said flat out.
“Maybe for a pony,” I returned before looking around the place. “Not exactly what I had in mind for my funeral, but this isn’t so bad. Pretty much a party, if you ask me. Good music, good drink and food and best of all, good company.”
“But, this is just for tonight,” she asked, as she joined me in the surveying of the crowd. “What about tomorrow?””
“Forgive me for being cliche, but tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, and I plan to enjoy it, Berry. Come on, I bet all these nice ponies have a lot of questions for me, eh?” I replied, and she came along with me at my side.
This was going much better than I ever hoped.
~Later in the evening~
The night was a blur to me. I’ll never know how many times I was asked if humans ate ponies, but it wasn’t long before I was answering that question like a champ. The first time around, however wasn’t so smooth. Apparently, “Not usually,” wasn’t the right answer and I really hope Lyra will forgive me at some point for that.
That aside, it was a good time to be had by all, and the dance floor even filled out after I got Vinyl to swap out of the metal and industrial on my iPod to happier, bouncier fare. Yes, I do keep a bit of electro-swing, dance and country on my iPod, what of it? Everypony is entitled to a few character flaws. Besides, it seemed like the right move when I realised I was halfway through singing Closer by NIN when I noticed the aghast stares in my direction. All you can do in that situation is smile, blush and go about your business like you meant to do that. That wasn’t the most embarrassing part of the evening. That came when Berry pulled me onto the dancefloor and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She even somehow convinced me to get onto two hooves for a slow dance. It was nice, but it was hard not to think of how odd it must have looked to others to see us up like that.
The musical switch-up didn’t quite solve all the problems, like when Rarity went to peek at the music I had to offer, and ended up pulling up The Beautiful People by one “Mary Lynn Maison” or so she thought. I guess she didn’t expect what she got, but hey, I like that song just fine.
As for the movie corner, it was packed the entire time, and I couldn’t even get close. It was a good thing I knew the movie that was playing line by line, or I would’ve been disappointed to miss a showing of the Princess Bride. The ponies seemed fascinated by how ‘graceful’ humans were and how intricate the language was, but Spike was entirely taken in. It was utterly adorable how he was front row center and sitting in completely awed silence. What wasn’t fair was he could actually repeat some of the english he was hearing, and by the end he had Montoya’s little catchphrase down perfectly. I guess it came with having a different shaped muzzle, but I did feel a bit cheated.
As a side note, watching him declare he was Inigo Montoya was adorable.
When the movie wrapped up, I made sure all the younger ponies were away, but Spike was able to convince Twilight to let him watch the next movie. From my understanding, he was like sixteen but just seemed younger because he was a dragon and I first saw Die Hard when I was ten, so why not? One last warning and reminder that this was an intense action movie, and I sat down to watch. The reactions were split down the middle. Utter and complete rejection of the violence or total immersement into the spirit of 80s action movie glory. The latter group was lead by Rainbow Dash, while Spike ended up in the first despite his efforts not to ‘wuss out’. Poor guy couldn’t handle it, and eventually slunk away, but I did promise to share other shows he might like with him before he got too far.
“That was awesome!” cried Dash with her hooves to her cheeks.
“So, John McClane; Great action hero, or greatest action hero?” I asked smugly. I knew the answer I’d pick.
“Well, he’s no Daring Doo, but he’s pretty good. For a monkey thing. I mean, jumping off a building like that without wings was pretty cool! And, then the big explosion! And, he just kept going no matter how bad it got. He’s tough as a minotaur!” she gushed, and utterly failed to reign in her enthusiasm. Then, she realised how she sounded and toned herself down as if she was insulting her favourite hero. “But, he’s no Daring do.”
I didn’t need to say anything and just smiled knowingly at her, before turning about to look for Berry. She wasn’t much for that sort of movie, so she left to try and mingle when it started. By that, she meant hang by the bar with Merlot because she was still there, chatting away with the bartender. That was alright too.
“Are you busy, Scriber?” a mare asked beside me, and I turned to see it was Twilight there.
“Not right now. Might queue up another movie for those that want to stay later tonight, but I have time right now,” I replied.
She turned her eye down and scuffed the floor with a hoof. “I didn’t realise you were abandoning all hope of returning home. I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out a way,” she said softly. “There should be a way to do it.”
“And, if and when you find it, we can talk then, but this is alright, too Twilight. I’m happy here,” I answered. “I thought I made that pretty clear, Twilight.”
“But, I should’ve been able to figure out how to recreate the spell and get you home! I failed you,” she continued, and I put a hoof out to her side to get her to stop before she got too riled up.
“Twilight. Take a deep breath,” I commanded and when she did so, I repeated myself. “I would’ve loved to go home, but I’m okay.”
She looked like she was slipping entirely into her in panic mode. “Yeah, but didn’t the princesses tell you not to tell anypony! I knew you wanted to make some announcements, but I didn’t know you were going to tell everything.”
“Well, if they’ve got any issues, they can bring it all directly to me. What’s the worst they can do to me?” I asked with a confident smile.
The response was instant. “Banish you to a celestial body.”
Well, that was certainly bad. Let’s try this again. “What’s the second worst thing they could do to me?”
“Petrification.”
“Let’s say we skip down a few levels of punishment to where it’s a disappointed sigh and maybe an eyeroll?” I suggested. The forced chuckle didn’t force the idea of those being actual and legitimate punishments. “If I kept all my past bottled up, how could I have a life here? I’ll live with and deal with the consequences from here.”
She didn’t look entirely convinced, but she let it drop. “If you really feel that way, then welcome to Equestria, Scriber.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
I would’ve gladly let that be the sentiment to end the evening. It was perfect with all the ponies gathered, enjoying themselves while I felt comfortable and confident enough to just be, but life has a way of throwing curveballs and tonight wouldn’t be any exception. My ear perked up at the sound of Berry raising her voice. “That’s not fair! We did everything we needed to do.”
When I turned to look, I could see one of the major sources of my frustration standing by the bar, with a very displeased Merlot and a distraught Berry. I didn’t even excuse myself as I got up and walked towards the rust red pegasus with a smug smirk on his face. He always seemed to have it when he had the upper hoof. “Now, I’m sure you think that, but it is passed one in the morning and the laws on noise violations in this town are very clear,” Cuffs said while waving his wing dismissively. “I’m just sorry that I had to tell you. I take no pleasure in this.”
My stomping made all three of them notice me. “Now that’s a lie, and we all know it Cuffs. Why are you here? I was pretty sure that you were the one pony in town that was definitely to be excluded from all of this,” I said as I took my place at Berry’s side.
“He was saying we’ve got to shut this all down or he’ll fine everypony here for a noise violation! It’s not like Pinkie hasn’t played louder music later at night!” she explained though her eyes never left the officer. Really? He was going to pull this sort of thing on tonight of all nights?
Merlot was quiet, but I could tell he was about as happy as I was about this. “Now, please be reasonable about this,” he said, “We both know that there has always been exceptions made for peaceful gatherings like this one, and this one has given nopony a reason to complain.”
He looked between us all and shrugged off the arguement like it carried no weight. “Just because a law wasn’t enforced before doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be. Isn’t that right, Scriber?” he said plainly. “Now, it’s already late. Just shut this all down, and send everypony home.”
“But, we weren’t doing anything wrong! Come on, Cuffs. Just let this slide,” pleaded the mare beside me. As frustrating as this all was, I did already accomplish my goal tonight, so maybe just closing things up would be the easiest thing to do right now.
Already, several ponies were gathering around to see what was happening, including several of the Elements. Cuffs just gave them a quick look before continuing on in that infuriating smugness. “Berry, Berry, Berry. I’ve let you get away with plenty of things over the years. I think the entire town knows that.”
Instantly, her ears pinned back and whimpered. Even the quickest glance would let a pony know she felt nothing but shame, and I just was aghast that he’d have the nerve to say something like that to her. Was it because she was close to me? It had to be. How dare he hurt her to get to me! The self-absorbed dick was clearly getting worse over time, and I wasn’t about to let a jerk like this make things hard for me and my friends in a new life. This was my turning point, and he had no right to be such a complete obstinate prick about this! I knew what had to be done.
“Cuffs,” I said coldly, and he turned in my direction. “Care to take this outside?”
He chuckled at that. “I’m sorry Scriber, but I’m not leaving,” he answered.
I stepped right up, and it was clear, that I towered over the pegasus. When you’re big, you just get used to others being smaller than you, but sizing yourself up against somepony you plan to beat the stupid out of was a good reminder. “Oh. I guess that didn’t translate over very well. What I meant was that I want to knock your teeth out without staining Merlot’s floor. Now, would you kindly step outside?”
The shocked murmur through the crowd was echoed by his surprise. “It’s a felony to threaten an officer,” he said plainly as he tried to contain his .
“I’m not threatening an officer. I’m telling you that you’ve had it in for me since day one, and I don’t have a clue why! Frankly, I’m sick of it, and I want to end it here. So, stop hiding your personal problems behind your badge, step outside and fight me!” I growled as I continued to press close to him. “You offered it to me once. Now, I’m taking you up on it.”
There was silence in the room. “Alright, Scriber. You want to take it up, you got it,” he stated to break that uncomfortable quiet. “And, when I’m done with you, I’m taking you in.”
“Whatever,” I snapped back, but I didn’t want to do so much as glance back at the other ponies. They might not understand and definitely wouldn’t approve about what was about to happen, but, by god, I wanted to smack the stupid right out of this guy.
I only got two steps to the door when Berry called out behind me. “Scriber! You don’t have to do this for me!” Berry whimpered with a hoof on my side.
There wasn’t a way I could look at her and not feel shame for what I was about to do, but after a brief glance back, I kept going for the door and only answered loudly enough for me to hear the words. “I don’t have to do this for you, Berry. This one is going to be for me.”
Cuffs was right behind me and I could hear him walking along behind me, and he was followed by the spectators who just wanted to see what was about to happen. To be entirely honest, I didn’t really know what was about to happen or how to proceed because I wasn’t exactly a fighter. I had only got into a couple in high school but that was years and years ago now. There wasn’t ever anything important enough to me at risk for me to fight for, and now, I was turning to square up against the red pegasus. There were about four meters between us, with the circle of ponies forming around us. It was strange that the change of worlds didn’t change how a scene like this would look beyond the species involved.
He wasn’t a young or large stallion, but even with his eyes lit up with whatever frustrations that were in his head, there was a world weariness to him. I did have a hefty size and weight advantage over him though, so I wonder what sort of hope did he have to beat me. He lowered his front down, snorting while his hooves dug into the dirt, and I mirrored it. It felt right for a fight.
“You made a mistake, colt,” he spat, then he charged straight at me. There was no time to do anything but get my forehooves out to intercept. A snap of wings, and he turned ninety degrees to avoid my clumsy attempt. Before I could even follow where he went, my vision blurred and the side of my face ached. The fact I was on my side was an after thought, as I took stock of the injuries. There was the burning arch on my right cheek where he caught me and the taste iron as my mouth filled with blood.
Not now. Don’t think about the pain now. I had to find him. I got back to my hooves and looked above at the empty sky. The only warning I got was the whistle of wind over wings as he crashed into my side, sending me tumbling again. I stopped when I hit the ring of ponies and they quickly moved back from me. All I could do there was force the air back into my lungs and as soon as I opened my eyes, he was there standing over me.
“Just give it up, Scriber,” he said as if it were a kindness.
I answered with a lunge.
It was a failure I think, because I got kicked in the face again. Now my nose was dripping. More importantly, I didn’t so much as lay a hoof on him, and he left me in the dirt with my world spinning again.
I think somepony was calling my name. That’s a distraction. Or, was it? It was him, calling for me to get up. Fight now.
He was making a lazy circle above the treetops like a vulture over a carcass. Damned wings. I might be bigger, but I wasn’t ever going to kick him! I forced myself to my hooves again, and my side ached in protest to every motion. I don’t think anything was broken, but this wasn’t working. He was too fast and I wasn’t going to hit him.
Our eyes met and he dove again, but at least this time I saw him coming. He was going to dodge again when I kicked for him. So, why kick? So, I jumped at him hooves wide to make it impossible for him to get around me.
That really wasn’t a plan, but a panicked reaction brought about by a lack of options. It worked though, and we crashed mid-air but this time, he was tumbling with me. “Got ya, you son of a bitch!” I taunted even before we stopped skidding and I used every bit of my size and strength to get ontop. He was on his back under me, and my forehooves immediately pinned his down.
I need to breath. Blood was already dripping from my nose and lips, so I got dirty and snorted, spraying his face. His eyes closed, and his head turned, and rather than free his hooves, I went with my first instinct and tried to drive my forehead through his. The fact it hurt me too didn’t matter. I couldn’t care about the pain and I did it again. And, again. Each time, his head was slammed to the dirt by mine, and his struggles got wilder. “Buckin’ monster,” he cursed at me. I didn’t care, and drove my head into his again.
Then, he had turned under me enough to get his hooves to the ground. It was the only way he was going to get loose, but all I saw was opportunity. Maybe a species with natural brass knuckles didn’t think about grappling, but my forehooves wrapped around that exposed neck and as soon as I could lock them together, I pulled back with all of strength. One of the joints in my legs popped in protest, but the hold was tight and he wasn’t getting away that easy.
He panicked as soon as I trapped him in the chokehold his wings started flapping. If you had ever gone hunting and managed to hit a bird, that was the sound of his flapping right now. It was nothing but irregular beats of desperation while I just kept that death grip and my deep breathing. Time slowed and so did his wings. I could feel the blood running down my cheek and nose and how he tried to get some purchase to get out, but I had him.
A bloody grin came to my lips. “Goodnight, Cuffs.”
I barely noticed that the wings had stopped beating by then, but I let go of him as soon as I did. He just flopped to one side and I rolled to the other. “Damn it, that hurts,” I muttered as I poked my nose. Was it broken? I’ll have to get it checked. It was definitely bleeding because it left my yellow hoof covered in red. I then stretched the leg that popped. It was sore but intact which was a plus. A quick glance over revealed that Cuffs was still breathing. He’ll be back up shortly.
“Scriber, you idiot! Why did you do that?” I looked up to see Berry looking rather cross with me. “What did that solve?”
“A whole lot of nothing, but I feel better for it,” I said from my back. I smiled a little wider, then my face ached, turning it into a grimace. “Maybe mostly better for it.”
The gathered ponies didn’t look happy or angry at what they just saw. Mostly, they looked confused and unsure of what to do now. I guess fights like this one don’t happen very often around here.
“You’re still an idiot,” she repeated, before she offered a hoof to me to help me up. I gladly took it and got to all fours, where she hugged me. “You’re not allowed to do that ever again.”
“It’s not fair,” croaked the downed pony. We both turned to see Cuffs working himself to his hooves, but he was clearly still dizzy with how he kept tipping back over. “Why do you get to start all over again, and I don’t? We both lost everything, and now, you got everything? Why? How is that fair? Tell me!”
He was at the verge of tears as he waited for me to answer him. Was that what all this was about? He was jealous of me? I had no clue or what to say. Today was a fresh start and a new life for me, but I was still me in the end and I couldn’t say that everything got left behind. “I don’t know what to tell you, Cuffs. Nopony… Nobody gets to really start over. You just pick up where you’re left off,” I finally answered. “It just took me until today to do it. Maybe you should do it, too.”
A moment passed as after I spoke where he just stood there, then he simply turned and walked away from us through the crowd, and out of sight. I don’t if what I said helped, but I hope it did. Either way, I had what I wanted out of this though and I leaned on Berry for support. God, now that I was thinking about it, I was sore all over.
“That was awesome!” declared Rainbow as she swooped in to hover close to me. “Not that I’m really into fighting and all that, but how did you learn to do that?”
“Uh, Ultimate Fighting Championship. It’s a human fighting league thing. Used to watch the odd one,” I replied as I tried to clean up my face with a hoof. The acronym didn’t translate over.
“Well, I certainly hope you’re not going to do it at my bar again,” Merlot said, with a first aid kit in his aura, and Rarity was following with paper towels. I didn’t even say anything before a wad of them were pushed to my nose by a blue aura. I dutifully blew my nose to clear it, and Merlot was quick to start putting a bandage over my cheek. Of course, that came only after a pass with iodine that made me whinny. How could that hurt worse than the kick that cut me in the first place?
“I certainly hope you didn’t get any blood on your clothes. It’s dreadful to get out,” the fashion mare stated, looking unimpressed with what I did.
“It’s not like I’m looking to make a habit out of this. One time thing, I promise,” I said to the small cluster around me. Fluttershy already was lifting my shirt to check the ribs where I got kicked, but I was pretty sure I was just bruised there.
“It better be, Scriber, or I’ll kick your flanks myself,” Berry warned from beside me before nudging me.
“Deal,” I replied. Most of the crowd was shuffling home for the night, from the looks of it, but Pinkamena and Applejack were trying to get those still interested back inside. There was a few takers. I don’t think I was going to be one of them though. I had one more stop to make tonight. “I think I’m to say my goodbyes and head out. What happened there seemed like it was a closer for me.”
“It’s quite understandable and we’ll make sure that everypony gets your farewell,” Rarity said as she pulled those towels away from my face. It wasn’t dripping nearly as much as it was before.
“Well, alright. Where’s Twilight though? I want to thank in person. Did she go home already?” I asked after a quick scan didn’t reveal the purple unicorn.
“She was here a minute ago. She left with Spike as soon as you guys starting getting up,” Rainbow said as she joined me in my search. “Probably off to write a report to the princess or something.”
“If you catch her before I do, let her know I appreciate everything she’s done for me here, alright?” I said with a wave. “Just like all of you. Thank you all for what you did, and I’ll eventually figure out what I can do for all of you for what you’ve done for me tonight.”
“Ah’m thinking Ah speak fer all the ponies here when Ah say ya don’t have to worry none about any of that,” Applejack said. She must of just joined us, but she already had the gist of the conversation down because all the ponies were nodding in agreement. “Though, if ya ever want to do some work ‘round Sweet Apple Acres, there’s plenty t’ be done.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. But, again, thanks and you’ll be seeing me around,” I said, and I waved to the group and they all said their goodbyes, and I started walking. There was one pony that joined me though and that was Berry.
“So, that’s what you needed to do?” she asked while moving at my slow pace.
I nodded. “Yeah. That’s what I needed to do. The fight was just a bonus.”
She rolled her eyes and huffed. “I really wish you didn’t do that. He could’ve really hurt you!”
“He did hurt me. Did you see him kick me in the ribs?” I answered, but I made no effort hide my pride in the fact that I had won.
She rolled her eyes the other way, and huffed yet again. “You’re insufferable.”
“Apparently not because you’re still here,” I joked and that was enough to get her to laugh. That made the walk easier to make. The pace was picking up as the pains got stretched and worked out of my body.
“You’re going the wrong way. The house is the other way,” Berry pointed out after a few blocks towards the edge of town.
“Not going there. I’ve got to go to one other spot first before I really can call this night complete,” I answered.
She knew exactly which way we were heading. “You’re going back to the truck, aren’t you?”
I nodded and kept walking to that old path that my truck cut through the grass and dirt when it first cut through. She understood why I was doing it, because she didn’t question me at all on it.
“Scriber? So, this is it, isn’t it?” she asked and that got me to stop.
“Well, I don’t know. But, what I do know that it’ll be a good place to start,” I answered as honestly as I could right now. “I don’t want to rush anything with us, and have another mistake happen, but I want to see where we can go.”
She smiled brightly and pulled in close. I must of looked the mess with all the grime and blood from the fight, but she didn’t care at all because we were in each others hooves. “I want to know too,” she said softly back.
Then, we were then interrupted by a purple glow from a magical aura just down the path and both of our eyes turned that way. After we fell back onto her hooves, I spoke up first. “Uh, hello?”
“Scriber! Just the pony I wanted to see!” called a familiar voice from a rather famous librarian. Twilight sounded positively thrilled, whatever it was
Berry and I looked at each other and hurried our way to find Twilight and Spike there, and we didn’t even get to say a word before she started right in. “I’ve found out something just wonderful for you, Scriber! As we all know we couldn’t recreate the initial spell that brought you here because the targeting of the magic is just far too specific for our capabilities right now. One little missed detail throws everything out beyond all error tolerances. But, back at the party, you said something that inspired a new idea!”
I didn’t understand entirely what she was talking about yet. “Alright,” I said with my brow furrowed.
“Now, I couldn’t wait to actual test the theory that you gave me, so that’s why I’m here. You said, “nopony gets to start again. You just pick up where you left off,” and the initial spell that I cast was interrupted by that accident. It was never properly completed, and all of our research was directed at recreating the spell perfectly. Nopony actually thought to look for remnants of the first spell because usually they vanish after their completion, but this spell was never finished! It’s just been sitting dormant!”
I blinked several times. She couldn’t be saying what I think she was getting at.
She walked to where the tire-tracks first started in the grass and dirt, and her horn faintly lit up. After a few moments, several lines in the dirt lit up with her horn. Berry finally stepped up and asked what I needed to know, “That’s all great, but what does that all mean?”
Twilight stood up and gave her still damaged horn a rub. “It’s all still here and just needs me to finish the spell! I can finish the highway and get you home!” she declared with a triumphant smile.
I didn’t smile back, but rather looked at Berry. Now, that just wasn’t fair.
I remember how my fingers used to dance their way over a keyboard. They’d poke, bend and shift at impossible speeds without faltering or slowing down except to let my thoughts catch up with what I was writing. I wish I spent more time actually watching how those spindly digits moved so easily because I was left wondering how I ever keep track of them all before. Now, it was a slow hunt and peck over the keys for the next letter rather than the rapidfire clicking that it used to be. How did I ever keep track of ten of them? Even so, I was mastering them with plenty of practice and even more coffee.
God, if that was one thing that Equestria never had right, it was the coffee. I think it was because ponies tended to like sweet things and the idea of a bitter drink just didn’t fly there so they didn’t put the effort into a good cup of the stuff that was needed. A long sip of that rich, black drink gave me another reason to be happy I was back on earth.
It was strange though. I had expected everything to change when I got here, but it didn’t. Sure, there was the moment where the local cops thought I needed to go spend some time in a padded room, but I had concrete evidence unlike most nutjobs claiming that they made contact with an alien species. From there, the military held me for ‘questioning’ until they realised I really didn’t know anything beyond the basics, though I do think that Celestia pulled some strings to get me out. When you’re an immortal statespony, I suspect you learn some diplomatic tricks for pretty much every situation.
I wasn’t out for long before the next wave came in the form of news crews and interviews, plane tickets and phone calls and everything else. Some thought I was a spy sent as a vanguard for an alien invasion, and others called the whole thing a hoax despite the mounting evidence, and a few oddballs pretty much asked how easy it was to get a pony in bed. My sense of ethics demanded that I kept quiet on that last one, but I think I said something about treating a pony as you’d treat a person you were interested in. In my defence, I was rather flustered at the time.
Anyways, for all I was the center of attention for the world for a while, I was amazed how little had changed about the world that sired me. There was the same politicians spouting the same rhetoric about the same problems. All the cities, provinces and the country as a whole were as I left them and so was every other nation for that matter, complete with all the weirdness, misery, strife, creativity, and beauty the collective human race was capable of. I knew I missed being on good old Sol III, but being here really drove that home.
Then, there was my family. They never lost faith that I was out there somewhere, and looked for me the entire time, and when I did finally get back, they celebrated. Everyone I knew showed to the party they threw for me, and I did my best to tell stories about how it was, but there wasn’t much to tell in the end. I pretty much spent my time as a pony doing what I did as a human excepting for beating up a cop. Sure he was a pony at the time, but he was still a cop. My brothers got a kick out of that, and my mother just gave me her patented look of shame. You really can’t win them all. Being with them all made me wish that I could’ve gotten back sooner. My brothers, mom and dad and Dusty all did all they could to make sure my old life was ready for me when I was.
That lead me to what I was doing now. I was working on getting everything that happened to me down on paper (so to speak; I am typing it after all.) as a matter of record, and so I could give something to all those that welcomed me back with open arms. Telling them exactly what happened was the very least I could do for them.
However, it was painfully slow going, no matter how caffeinated I was getting, but at least the quiet time alone gave me time to acclimate to being human. Just seeing this all helped ground me again. I turned in my swivel chair and surveyed at my familiar little office. It was exactly as I left it; cozy and small with off white walls and bookshelves holding texts on a variety of subjects ranging from economics, to game materials, to texts on sheet metal, and of course, my desktop which I was working at right now.
Somewhere else in the house, I could hear Dusty puttering around with the daily chores that had to be done as part of keeping up a household. What the heck; I’ve earned a little break from my writing. There wasn’t a rush on this, and I doubt there’d be many that would want to hear my story anyways beyond those that want a total historical footnote, but it summed up pretty quickly as a lot of dumb luck.
I stretched and turned my attention to the window and looked outside towards the stunning sunset. To think, this was just outside my window every day and I’ve never thought to look at all the oranges and reds that lit up the sky behind the city’s skyline, and it was clear I was missing out on something wonderful. A moment of just enjoying the sight made a smile come to my face and thoughts about spending that first evening with Berry washed over me. The sounds of traffic faded into the distance with the stunning panorama before me. The whole world was just me, the sunset and the last few drops of coffee in my mug. I guess as good as things were, they couldn’t ever be perfect, but at least there was more coffee in the kitchen.
It was tough tearing myself away from such a view, but it was easier after I made a promise that I’d invite Berry to join me to watch it tomorrow. It’d be like that time we did it on the back of my old truck. I wonder whatever happened to that old thing. It probably ended up in a lab somewhere and dissected, but that was alright. It’s not like I could drive it anymore anyways and if it could help anypony, it was worth losing it. I had so much more now.
Almost.
As enticing as the coffee smelled in the pot, some terrible alchemy must of happened when I poured it because it was bland and gritty and almost entirely unlike coffee in anyway I’d accept. I couldn’t help letting out a disgusted snort. Of course, it was this or swear the stuff off entirely, so I hoped the second sip would be better. It was the triumph of hope over experience, but I’d live. Maybe later, I could head out to the market and ask around. I’m sure somepony must have a worthy substitute and it was just a matter of tracking it down.
If bad coffee was the greatest of my woes, I was very, very lucky. I had the love of a wonderful mare, and steady work. I think the saying around here was “Idle hooves belong to Discord” but it didn’t apply to me. Between my work which has been growing into a pretty successful business, and all the social events my neighbors put forth, it was easy to always have something new to do and a new pony to meet. On top of all that, I think Merlot is bringing another concert in this weekend and those were always a good time, though it was funny hearing some ponies trying to recreate some of the music I brought with me. It’s nice to know I had an impact on the local culture.
This was the time to simply enjoy the life I had here, and see where things go. I settled into a seat and let myself relax when I came to realise that I wasn’t alone in the kitchen. I don’t know why I didn’t notice her before, but there she was, as clear as day. Or as clear as night as it were.
“It’s a lovely home,” said Princess Luna. She was sitting at the dining room table while she watched me go about my business.
“It’s pretty much all I could ask for,” I answered as I sipped the drink and ended up wrinkling my nose at the taste I was greeted with. Maybe it’d be better with a bit of sugar but it’d be a cold day in Tartarus before I resorted to adulterating my favorite drink. It was a shame it was nearly entirely unlike the coffee I knew, but I might as well be a good host. “Do you want a cup?”
She politely waved me off. Even that simple gesture had all the diplomacy that you’d expect from somepony that was experienced in politics. “No thank you. I’m curious though. Where art we now?”
“Oh. In my home,” I answered as I pushed the cup away from me. “You sure I can’t get you anything?”
“Quite sure. However, what I was asking of thou was where is thy home,” she clarified patiently.
“Ah, I misunderstood you there. We are in Ponyville/Winnipeg,” I replied.
She just nodded at that as if it affirmed something she already knew before she continued, “And thy name?”
“Uh with all due respect, you know me, Princess,” I said right back with a tap of a hoof against the table.
“Please humour me,” she insisted.
I wasn’t one to turn down a direct request from royalty, but this was getting weird quickly. “Okay. My name is Kerry/Scriber.”
She nodded again leaving me feeling like I was listing off symptoms to a doctor. This was getting awkward but what could I do but ride it out because she was royalty after all. The silence continued long enough to get awkward, and just when I opened my mouth to speak again, she was already speaking. “This is thy dream, Scriber. Embrace it,” she commanded.
What was she talking about? This couldn’t be a dream! This was everything I wanted and deserved. This was my home and everything was real about it. The coffee was as good/bad as I remember and my family was close/gone. But, why would Luna be here in my home if I was back on earth? That was because I was in Ponyville, wasn’t I? The logic of this place just felt so natural seconds ago, but now they were falling apart at the seams.
A grey haze poured through every doorway, window, and cupboard, filling the space until it was just Luna and I standing in the formless dreamscape. The haze felt as close as walking through a fog, or as far as looking at a starless sky at night, but there was only one feature in it beyond myself: The Princess of the Night.
Of course this had to be a dream. She wouldn’t be here if I was awake.
She looked, troubled for a lack of a better description, but she was keenly aware of everything that was in my head. Or, the lack there of. “Why let thy dream fade away?” she finally asked.
“It wasn’t anything real, your Highness, so there wasn’t any reason to hold onto it,” I answered plainly. How long had she been observing me.
She furrowed her brow. “We disagree, but it is thy dream. We are but a visitor here,” she returned. “However, that is not a debate for tonight. I wish to speak with you plainly about what I’ve seen in other dreams throughout Ponyville.”
This could be bad, but she wasn’t coming in smiting. “What sort of things?”
“Other ponies in this town seem to be dreaming of humans. There’s one mare that is scared to death about ‘pony-eating spider fingers’, and another who is dreaming about adventures with a human stallion named ‘MacClean’. I opted not to peer too deep into that dreamscape,” she said flatly. She wasn’t amused in the least, but at least she was dropping the Royal “We” and “Our”. That at least hinted that this might be off the record.
“Well, the cat’s out of the bag,” I admitted nervously. I looked out into the cloud, only to see nothing there to distract me from the princess. “And, you’re thinking about McClane.”
“Wait? When did a cat enter into this matter?” she asked.
“Human saying. I’m not sure how it came about but it means ‘the secret’s out’,” I explained.
She shook her head. “That… Doesn’t make sense, but that’s not the subject at hoof. I wish to know why there’s ponies that know about thy origin.”
I gritted my teeth. “I kind of told them. Straight up. Sorry,” I faintly admitted to the moon goddess. I don’t care what she thought of herself; she was still effectively a goddess in my eyes.
So far, so good. She wasn’t charging a spell yet, nor was she looking down upon me with wrathful, divine vengeance. Instead, she simply asked in a calm tone, “Why would thou do such a thing?”
Honesty had gotten me this far so I might as well keep it up. “Because I needed to. I couldn’t deny who I was and am and still have a happy life here, Your Highness. It was killing me holding onto the past, and trying to live here. I had to lay it all out for everypony to see, or everything I did was going to be a lie.”
She listened to every word I had to say with infinite patience. She gave off the air that she had heard many creatures bare their souls to her before and I wouldn’t be the last. “So, your matters are truly better now?” she eventually asked.
I wanted to say yes so badly to that, but that wasn’t true. The revelation from Twilight reopened the choice as soon as I had finalized it. “I wish they were, but they aren’t,” I answered with a heavy sigh.
“And, why not?” She asked. Her voice was warm, and one of a pony that wanted to help me and not accuse me of defining a royal decree.
“Because Twilight thinks she actually knows a way to get me home now. She just figured it out after I confessed to everypony that I wasn’t a local breed,” I said. “Just damn it. It isn’t fair. I was ready to drop everything, and live life here. Entirely here and then she comes out of the woodwork with an eleventh hour solution. It’s not fair!”
Her gaze never broke from me. Every word I said was the only thing on her mind at the time, and at the end she reached out to me with a wing to give side a gentle, reassuring brush. “Life is rarely fair. T’is its nature. But, let me clarify; she can open the portal?”
“Yes she can, Your Highness. At least, that’s what she said. I’m not a unicorn. I’m just some yellow earth pony that came from an extradimensional monkey man, so I don’t get magic at all, but she thinks she can jury-rig it,” I huffed as I scuffed a hoof on the surrounding grey cloud. I was getting angry and I had no clue why.
There was a pause in the conversation as Luna turned her eyes from me and started to work through ideas in her head. I wasn’t privy to those thoughts, but it was clear that they were important enough to warrant her full attention. I suppose if I was some world leader and finding that a stable portal was coming with another world, I’d want to think things through. It also hinted to me about how faint her hopes were with their experiments. They tried, but they never actually expected to make contact with Earth. Finally, she spoke up with her decision. “I'll speak with her and Celestia as soon as possible on said issue. And, if it is the case, I will confer with you again about the matter of your return to thy homeworld.”
There it was. “I don’t know if I want to go back,” I forced myself to mutter. If this was a flesh and blood conversation, I doubt I’d be heard by her, but in the dreamscape, it was simply my mind speaking directly to hers, and she knew exactly what I had just said.
“Why not?” she asked. It was another clinical question. Not one born of shock and surprise, but a simple request for information. As the steward of dreams, I suppose she had a lot of practice with this sort of thing.
“I don’t know. I want to go home, but don’t at the same time. Like I said, it’s not fair. Twilight could’ve kept this to herself and let me go on being a pony with a life here, or tried harder and figured it out a night earlier or something but no, she screwed me over again, and left me no better off than I was!” I growled. I was grinding my hooves against the ground by the end and I wanted to kick something just to imagine it was that purple mare. Her magic destroyed my life once, and she just did it again! Her blissful ignorance of how it was doing it made it all the more aggravating!
“Calm, Scriber,” said Luna, with a hoof extended towards me.
I didn’t listen and the grey clouds formed into a roughly purple shape before I started kicking at it. I could blame her and if I could blame her, I didn’t have to worry about my own decisions. It could be all of her fault and I’d leave it at that.
The sounds of hooves striking the rough pony shape again and again filled the void around us. Each time my heavy hooves landed, the shape deformed under the force and soon, it wasn’t anything but a mash of purple putty that I was trampling. It became pointless to continue, but I didn’t feel any better for it.
Princess Luna had watched the entire outburst. There was no judgement on her face. “Dost thou feel better?’
I was huffing. How could I feel this tire in my own head? It didn’t matter. I could keep kicking that form until it was driven entirely back into the clouds. “No. Why didn’t you stop me?”
“This is your mind, Scriber. For all of my power, I have none here,” she said said as if she didn’t see me at my worst. I knew better than to lash out against something that couldn’t defend itself against me, and I still did it again here.
“I guess, I’m sorry Princess,” I said shamefully.
“No need. If a pony cannot act on their frustrations in a dream, where can they? I cannot and will not interfere, but I can offer guidance and to that end, follow me,” she said, and she turned and started walking away into the cloud.
I blinked. There was nowhere to go in the sea of grey, but she was leaving anyways and getting smaller with every step. It might be my dream, but it was still a royal order I had just recieved, so I hustled to follow her. “Where are we going?”
“Wherever the mind leads us. Our minds are as much a setting for us as it is us, made up of a patchwork of our experiences that houses our conscious thought. Now, simply walk and see where your mind dwells now,” she said.
“You lost me there, Your Highness,” I admitted as I started walking partly abreast of of her. I didn’t dare be exactly beside her, but a step behind seemed appropriate.
She giggled. For an immortal with the weight of the cosmos on her back, she did have a carefree laugh. “It’s of no consequence. Just focus on answering my questions,” she stated. “Why wouldn’t you wish to return home?”
Now that was the ten million dollar question. “I don’t know. I know where I’m from. I know where my family, my old friends and that really anemic RRSP I had are from, too. And I miss them a lot. A whole lot,” I started answering. I had no idea where I was going with this train of thought either, but I kept talking. “But, I got friends here too. I started putting down roots here, and figuring out what this will all be about, and I guess I was looking forward to seeing that.”
She kept walking. “When I was in exile, I wanted nothing more but to see my family again the entire time. Even as Nightmare Moon, I craved the rivalry that my sister posed,” she mused at me. “However, I didn’t have much of a life on the moon to speak of. Just the long wait for the stars to align.”
“Yeah. I can’t imagine what that’d been like,” I replied, “But, I’ve come to like it here. But, it’s only been months since I’ve come over here and tonight was to help me move on but then Twilight ruined it all by saying I could get home.”
She shook her head. “She isn’t to blame and you know it. You couldn’t even picture her clearly when you were striking that image. So, why is this such an issue of contention for you? ”
I wanted to protest but she had a way of cutting through the flak that left me knowing she was right. I stopped in my tracks. “I fought for my life here tonight. I hurt a pony tonight to protect what I had here, and what have I done to get back my life back on earth? Squat! Nothing! I’ve been sitting here, hoping you’ve got an answer and while giving it all to have a life as a pony! How can I go back after tonight?”
She turned to face me. “I understand, but as I said earlier, life isn’t fair. If she can get you home, you’ll have to decide if it’s worth the risk to try.”
That snapped my head up. “There’s a risk?”
She nodded. “Of course there is. With any experimental magic there’s risk. Twilight could be mistaken that she actually can get you home, for example. There is a reason why the research is at the Royal Institute, where we can take the precautions needed.”
“Damn.” This portal did a heck of a number on me already. Who knows what going back could do to me?” The implications of that whirled in my head. Going through this portal once took a lot of my memories as a human and turned them on their head. How would it work in reverse? Would I remain a pony on my way through? Or would I revert to being a human? Would I look the same? Would I remember Berry?
If I left, what would Berry think?
If I stayed, what would Dusty think?
She simply waited for me as I thought about all that, but I had no answers at the end. Just a pit of worries and doubts. “What should I do?” I finally asked with plaintive eyes turned up at the princess.
“I cannot answer that for you, but what you cannot do is idle and make no choice for yourself,” she stated definitively. She was right on the money there. “Look about yourself.”
The setting had changed entirely from the grey to be a very familiar scene. It was that path between my truck and where I first appeared into Equestria. It was the same empty field, and the same tree that stopped me, and the same, beautiful sky above me. “When did this happen?”
She shrugged. “It’s your mind. It happened as soon as you did it,” she answered. As insightful as she had been so far, that was some useless zen stuff right there.
I sweeped my hooves between the truck to where the connection between the worlds. “So why here?”
She laid herself down in the long grass that flanked the path before she answered. If she was settling in, the answers had to be here. She had to know what I needed; she was a goddess after all! “This place is important to you.”
Here was important to me. This is where the most significant event of my life happened. This is where my life was destroyed and remade in an instant and even now, I was stuck here. In the distance, I could see Ponyville with it’s warm and welcoming lights, and Berry’s manor just waiting for my return, but not too far away, the portal was calling to me. I couldn’t see through it, but it still promised a return to what I knew before. I had a comfortable life and might have it again if I could only step through that shimmering field. I sat myself down between the two.
“Scriber?”
I looked up. “Yes?”
“I want you to imagine a mirror,” the princess instructed from where she was laying.
How could I say no to such a simple request? I closed my eyes and focused on creating that requested mirror. It was harder than I thought, and it became an actual straining effort, but when I opened my eyes again, there was a wall of glass waiting for a subject to stand in front of it. She didn’t even need to say a word, but with a gesture towards me, I knew I was about to look at my own self image.
The dread was sickening. Maybe, It’d force me to wake up before I could look at that shimmering mirror, but no, I stayed in my dream state as I closed with it. I couldn’t even look at it with my last few steps. I knew I was about to see my own self-image, but what if it was a pony I saw? What happens with life on earth and Dusty? Or what if I was still human? Then, I’d lose Equestria and Berry.
I opened my eyes and it saw something I never expected. My own self image was something trapped between the pony I’d become and human I was. Every feature was in a constant flux, so I couldn’t describe myself beyond mixed. “Is this how you’ve been seeing me since you stepped into my dream, Princess?”
She nodded.
“So, this doesn’t answer anything, does it?”
She shook her head.
The mirror faded away. “So what does it all mean?” I pleaded. I wanted something clear to hold onto. Not more damned riddles!
“All it means is you’ve have a hard choice to make. Nothing more or less,” she said from her place.
I shook my head. “I suppose that’s just life. There’s no easy answers, is there?”
She smiled sadly. “Never.”
I scoffed. It might be disrespectful, but it’s my dream. “Any advice?”
She knew what she had to offer, because there was no delay. “You’re further away from home than any human you know, from how I understand it. Now that you’ve seen a new world, can you truly ever go back home?” she said.
I never considered that before, and there was a truth to that. I’ve now lived in a place where the laws of physics were mutable. How could I ever explain that to others if I went back home? I knew now that magic was definitively real, that there were more worlds out there. Just the existence of this world disproved a majority of earthly physics. Emotions aside, could I make the shift back to a magicless life?
Bah, that was small potatoes. I’ve lived there the vast majority of my life. I’d be able to return to it.
I’d been thinking about it for a while though because the princess spoke again as soon as I lifted my head from my thought. “I think though, if the portal does open again, you would be the logical candidate to send through. If it works, you’ll return home, even if it stole your memories of our nation. If you retained them, then you’d have a working knowledge of both sides of the portal and would be able to open the diplomatic channels.”
I stared at her for the suggestion.
“Of course, We will not force you to do so.” She was slipping back into her regal speak. I suppose she wanted to get a move onto talking with her sister about what this might all mean to their nation.
“Thank you, Your Highness. You’ve given me much food for thought tonight, and I will think on what you said. Both now, and after I wake up,” I said as formally as possible.
She didn’t say another word, but rather faded out of my dream, leaving me on that little dirt path in the middle of a field. Now, all I had to do is figure out what way I was going to go when I wake up.
“I’m beginning to suspect that they don’t know what a chicken is,” Lyra said as she looked at the screen over the top of her sunglasses where the humans on it were doing remarkably poor imitations of fowl on it. While they all were close enough to piece together what they were trying to do, not a one had anything anywhere close to being right. They all looked remarkable entirely unlike the chickens they were pretending to be while making sounds that were entirely unlike any sound a rooster or hen would make.
I chuckled and pushed some bits into the center of the table. “Woah there. You don’t want to jump right into the beginning of suspicion off the top. You want to carefully consider something that drastic first, don't’ you?” I teased before adding. “Raising you foals ten, by the by.”
It was another fun time in The Glade. Ever since my big reveal, the poker night had been turned into a ‘human’ night for all to enjoy. The novelty of my movies, music and shows had drawn in ponies from neighboring townships to watch the odd shows, even though they had to rely on the subtitles. Some wanted to dissect the laptop to figure out how its magic worked, but most ponies were happy with the show by itself. I’d made a careful effort to make sure only a few shows ran every week so as to draw the number of shows out for as long as possible for Merlot. The extra business was the least I owed him.
“Raise you another ten on top of that,” Thunderlane snorted before he glanced at the screen and gave his head a shake. “I just can’t believe how bad they are. Like, to their core. They’re horrible! Other than the foals, there’s not a lick of harmony between any of them.”
“That’s the fun of the show! It’s called ‘schadenfreude’. It means you enjoy watching bad people get what’s coming to them,” I explained. “You get it, right Mac?”
He pushed his cards into the center to fold, and I looked for any tell I could. That stupid apple-themed toque over his ears was still thwarting my efforts. “Eyup.”
“That’s another thing. We don’t have a word for schada whatever, so how are you saying it in Equestrian?” Lyra pointed out as she pushed in her cards with Mac’s. She had gotten over retching whenever she saw a hand (or a ‘pink spider claw’ as she called them) on the screen at least, and started to actually like some of the shows. It was a played up reaction for sure and got old quickly.
The question, however, was legitimate. “I think I’m just making it up. Closest correct sounds, maybe. Or I’m just saying something totally random and the spell just makes it ‘right’ in my head. But, as the only one that actually speaks any human around here, I guess it doesn’t matter either way,” I answered, before looking at my dwarfed stack of coins in front of me. Thunder’s aggressive play was really paying off for him tonight, but I could afford to take a hit if my gamble didn’t pay off. “All in.”
Thunderlane looked at me as if I just slapped him. “Ah, come on. Don’t be like that. I don’t want to knock you out of the game this early,” he said. Yup. There it was. His wings were flaring just a little too much, and that confirmed he was nervous about being called. After a moment of waiting for me to pull back the bet, he tossed in his cards. “I’ll get you for that.”
I quickly raked in my winnings while Lyra started shuffling. There was a few words of praise for the ‘good’ play and a few more promises of vengeance.
“So, that guy on the screen right now. He said he was a magician but how does that work when you said that there isn’t magic where you come from?” Lyra asked before she divided out the hands and sent them out to us.
I arched an eyebrow and dropped the bit I had in my mouth back into the pile. Stacking them up could wait for later. “How do you mean? They’re illusions, and not very good ones. That’s the point.”
“Yeah. You can totally see where the lighter fluid came from, too,” snarked Thunderlane. “The hose is sticking out of his sleeve.”
“Again, that’s the point! He’s horrible at it but thinks he’s the best,” I repeated.
“But, you said, there was no magic, even illusions. And, here he is doing them. Unless this stuff is like the force and totally made up. Seriously, Jedis aren’t anything special,” Lyra said before fanning out her cards in front of her. I admit, I was jealous that she could do that "Check it out. The Force is strong with this one." and I couldn’t.
“Oh! Jeeze. Right. No magic whatsoever needed for that stuff. Just wires, smoke and mirrors with some slight of hand when it’s done right. There’s whole shows dedicated to that stuff over there, and some guys can blow your mind with how smooth it is. Especially, when you consider humans have no magic,” I said, before adding. “It’s one of the best things about being over here.”
“Psst. Scriber. Hate to break it to you, but you’re an earth pony. You still don’t got any magic,” whispered Thunderlane before getting a few chuckles.
I gave my head a shake. “What, you think you need a horn to do magic? You kidding me? That’s from a guy that sits on water vapor half the day, while talking at a table with another guy that can get individual fruit to fall perfectly into buckets with a single kick. If that’s not magic, what is?”
Lyra checked, then threw her two bits into the conversation instead. “He’s got you there, Thunder. Did you just sleep through that lesson in school?”
“Well, yeah it’s magic, but not real magic,” he defended. “Not like you pin-heads.”
"Hey!"
"I only say it because you guys need to be knocked down a pin or two. Out of love."
I shook my head at the squabbling. “Anyways, I know you don’t consider that whole ‘flying and sitting on clouds’ thing magic, but to an out-of-towner like me, it’s the real deal.
"Heck, the other day I was fooling with a cut off of some black iron and after a bit of working between my hooves, I got a coiled bit of spring steel. The metallurgy on that makes my head spin and 'magic' is the only way I'd explain it."
They didn't seem as impressed as I was with it but seriously, that should be completely impossible by the laws of chemistry alone.
"So, you're going to miss being able to do that?" Thunder asked through a mouthful of fries.
"How do you mean?"
"When you go back, you won't be able to use any sort of magic anymore," Lyra pointed out. "Are you going back?"
Aw, crud. This was exactly the can of worms I hoped would stay unopened but it was unavoidable. The crash site was now crawling with soldiers and researchers that were making preparations to open the highway up once more. There was even a the beginnings of a human embassy in city hall just so Equestria could be polite and offer something right after first contact.
Of course, this meant the rumours were flying right now with the biggest of them was I was going back to Earth (And the reason was split between by exile and by choice). While Princess Luna unofficially tapped me in a dream, I was approached officially with the offer a week ago to be Equestria's first envoy to Earth and start meeting the authorities to get them ready to meet a whole new world. The choice was sound; it was my homeworld after all and I should know what to expect and look for but there was a stack of lingering doubts that made it hard for me to go for it. I gave a rather non-committal answer to buy myself a few days to think. That was a week ago and I wasn't any closer to an answer now.
"I don't know entirely. Maybe?" I replied with a shrug.
"How can't you know?" Lyra asked. “I mean, I get wanting to stay here, but, you should know what you’re going to do.”
"It's complicated," I said with my head turned down enough so the brim of my hat stopped me from having to see Lyra's eyes.
"By which he means he's sleeping wi-" started Thunder only to be cut off by Big Mac clearing his throat and shaking his head disapprovingly. To be fair though, he was right in that Berry was a big source of my hesitation, but that was a gross simplification of the situation.
"Thanks, Big Mac. There is that, but there's other things too, like the ‘Google Translate’ problem," I said to get the conversation moving again.
That got a round of blank stares.
"Okay. Back on Earth, there's a tool called Google. Think of it as a massive information index where you can look up anything."
"Anything?" Lyra asked curiously.
"Anything."
"Even apples?" Thank you for joining in, Big Mac. Your input has been noted.
"Yeah. Types, nutritional values, historical events and anyone associated with them like Steve Jobs, Fiona Apple and Johnny Appleseed," I explained. It’s funny that it was always ‘pony-named’ people always came to my mind first.
“So, what does apples got anything to do with you?” Thunder mumbled through his mouthful of fries.
“What? No. Apples don’t have anything to do with this or me,” I snapped, trying to claw crashing train of thought back on the track.
“So why did you mention them?”
“Big Mac mentioned them. I didn’t!” I stated.
“Yeeeeeup,” the big red pony droned.
“See. You mentioned apples,” snarked Thunder.
“That’s not what he meant and you know it!” I nickered.
“But you said Google knew all about them” he pressed.
“What? Yeah, but... Whatever. We're getting sidetracked. My point is that it can translate one language to another and the first time you do it, it's pretty close but never perfect, but every language has its own nuance, idioms and syntax. Going between them makes cumulative changes to the meaning and they all add up surprisingly fast. And, that doesn’t have anything to do with apples!,” I spat out, getting all out before the next interruption. Big Mac noticeably deflated at the declaration of the lack of apple relevance to my situation.
“So, why does Google have to know so much about apples to do translations? Are they important?” Thunder asked earnestly though I think he had to be trolling now. I was left entirely at a loss for words.
Lyra stepped in at that point. "So, what you're saying is that you been translated once from human to pony, and you scared that you won't be the same if you go back because the changes will add up to make you a different pony? Or, uh, human.”
“Yes! That’s exactly it. Thank you Lyra,” I said. It was so much easier to be calm when the table wasn’t filled of of crazy illogical babbling. “I know that the spell hit me in a lot of ways, and well, I’m scared to go through it again. Who knows if I’ll even be me if I keep doing it.”
“Oh! You should’ve just said what Lyra said. That’d been a lot more clear than the whole apple thing,” the dark pegasus said before scooping up another mouthful of his snack and resuming his munching.
“Yeup.”
“I tried to! Was Lyra the only one here paying attention?” I asked of the table.
“Apparently,” Lyra answered. “But I get it. I’d be hesitant to be going through that gate again with that sort of thing over your head. It’d be safer to wait until they can set up one that isn’t so crazy. If they can, that is.”
There was a loud gulp followed by a quick, snorted laugh. “Heh, wimp!” Thunder scoffed.
It was amazing how quickly that one word got a spike of anger going through my gut. “What the heck, Thunder? I don’t want to be changed further than I already am,” I retorted quickly and leaned across the table at him.
“Whoa! Reign it in a notch. I’m not Cuffs,” Thunder said with a wave of his hooves in front of him. “What I’m getting at is that pegasi are risk takers by nature and I’d go if I was in your situation. Heck, there’s probably a bunch of pegasi that are ready to go already and they don’t even got anything over there to go for beyond some new sky to fly. If you really wanted what was on the other side of that gate bad enough, you’d just figure out a way to get there. Obviously, you don’t want to go bad enough is all I’m saying.”
“I had a life over there!” I snapped.
“And you said goodbye to it in style a couple weeks ago, and aren’t exactly lining up to get back to it. Instead, you’re here, playing poker with your friends and looking remarkably like you got a life here,” he pointed out with a bit of smugness in his voice.
I wanted to say something, but once again, I was left worldless by the pegasus. Instead, Lyra spoke up. “It’s probably better he stays here anyways. He’s got good things going here. Good things. A lot of good things! Why risk it all when he’s already happy here?”
“But, he’s got family over there. He can’t just leave em. That’s just not right,” Big Mac said, getting a surprised jump out of all three of us. I think he just tripled the number of words I’ve heard from him ever in one outburst, but he had a good point.
“And he’s got friends here! And, seriously? You want him to be a pony-eating, creepy hairless monkey again?,” Lyra pointed out while trying to create an illusion of a hand with her magic. “Ick!”
“Do I get a say in this?” I asked of the two debaters.
“Oh, please. If you had a clue what you wanted, you’d spoke up when you first found out about the highway,” Thunder said with a half smirk, while the rest of the conversation continued around me..
“I bet you want me to leave just so I would stop winning at the table all the time,” I joked right back. Of course, he did have a point.
“You don’t win all the time, and honestly, I don’t really care,” he nonchalantly answered with a shrug of the wings.
That single statement got everypony around the table to look his way. “Well, that was unduly harsh,” I said on behalf of the table.
It took him a moment to register how all of us were looking at him. “Oh, come on! I didn’t mean it like that, guys. I mean, it’s his life. It’d be like when Cloudkicker took that job in Manehatten. Sure, we miss her, but she’s a grown mare and she made a choice to go and we got to respect it. If Scriber goes, it’d is the same thing. We’d miss him, but what sort of friends would we be if we kept him from going where he chooses?” he explained, then chuckled as he looked into his glass. “I suppose we all just move on in our own ways, and I bet everyone on the other side are doing that too. So, whatever he chooses, I know that I’m one hundred percent behind him. Can you two say that?”
The others looked stymied at Thunder. “Well, thanks Thunder. That means a lot to me,” I said, giving him a little nudge to the side. Of course, this is the same sort of non-advice and thoughts that I’ve already had going through my head, but to hear that he’d be alright with whatever happens did give me a bit of hope. Sorta. What if they just moved on? Or maybe there was time dilation between here and earth and they really had a long time to move on and forget?
And, I’m really over-thinking this. I needed more information before I could panic properly and that means I got to talk to a lot of ponies first. And I knew who was first on the list, but she’d have to wait until I got home.
“Scriber?” Lyra asked.
“Yeah?”
“You just went really, really quiet and you've been touching Thunder for a full minute now,” she said and sure enough, my hoof was still on that dark pegasus. He was looking all too proud of himself for the contact.
“I don’t mind, though it might make Hot Dish a little jealous,” he said with a flirtatious wink and smirk. “Unless you’re willing to come out and join us sometime.”
I withdrew my hoof immediately and gave it an extra rub on my vest while making the conscious effort to forget the last few seconds I just experienced. Yeah. Anyways, this might be getting a little too heavy for a poker night. How about we go back to cards and watching horrible humans making poor life choices. But, uh, thanks guys.”
Lyra drew the cards up with her magic and started shuffling the cards while the next episode queued up on the screen. All in all, this still had the makings of a good night but it just gave me some thoughts to mull. I’d definitely need to have a talk with Berry soon but for now, I could just worry about how I could make a winning hand out of a jack high. The rest could wait.
******
Getting home late is never optimal when you know you got a light sleeper in the house. You don’t want to be rude and there’s an innate shame in sneaking in after all other good folk have settled in to sleep for the night. Add in the fact there was no way to keep your hooves from clipping on a hard floor, directional hearing, and you feel like you’re going to wake the townships when armed with a single squeaky floorboard.
I think it was the mild buzz I still had that made me feel like I did pretty good for some reason. Probably bravado. Anyways, I closed the door behind me and made it partly down the hallway on my hooftips when I was corrected about the quality of my stealth. “Scriber? Is that you?” a weary voice asked.
I winced. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry Berry,” I whispered.
“What?” she asked. She was coming out of her room to see me.
“You can stay in bed,” I whispered again, and it was about that time when I saw her poke her head out around the corner I realised there wasn’t a need to whisper at all as there was only the two of us in this house.
“You’re home late,” she yawned. It was hard not to laugh at the messed mane that’d make Pinkamena proud.
Too late to be sorry. “Not if I planned to be this late to start with. Then I’m right on time by being this late,” I joked. She didn’t get it or that joke sounded so much better in my head because she didn’t laugh but she did rub some of the sleep out of her eyes. Even half asleep and every bit of hair on her puffed out, she was adorable.
“Did you have a fun time?” she asked while she closed up the distance.
“Yeah. Even up about two bits at the end of the evening,” I declared puffing up my chest, then . “Metaphorical bits. They took my money tonight, but there was a pretty important conversation. I think we got to talk tomorrow morning. But, rest well and goodnight.”
I got about three steps closer to my room when she called after me. “Scriber. You’re not going to walk away from me after saying that.”
“Well, you’re asleep. Or you were before I got here,” I said turning about to see her looking cross at me. Apparently that wasn’t a good enough answer.
“Well, I’m up now and not doing anything better. Let’s talk,” she stated without any room in negotiation. She was even heading to the kitchen before she was done, and I fell into line to follow her. We sat down at the table across of each other and she laid out exactly what she wanted in the first sentence. “We’re not going to do that whole, ‘angry misunderstanding’ thing again so out with it.”
“Uh. Right. Just like that?” I asked.
“Yeah. Just like that. I even promise not to get mad,” she offered.
“How do you know you’d get mad?”
“You wouldn’t be this worried about giving me good news,” she said before she took a deep calming breath and even smiled at me. “There. See. Perfectly safe for you.”
It was now or never, and she was braced for it, so I got to say it now. It was my turn to take a deep breath and just say it. Just like pulling a bandaid off. Make it quick. “I think I got to go back to earth.”
“What? You’re serious? After all you’ve said?” Berry croaked with her cheeriness dropping entirely away.
Her smile was gone but she was still listening so I had to keep going. “Not for good, I think. I mean, I got to go back if I got the chance because everypony... everyone on the other side has to know what happened to me. It wouldn’t be right to not at least do that.”
Her hooves were on the table and she was leaning across the table now, with her eyes demanding answers from me. “But, you’re not going for good, are you? You’re coming back home right?”
That was the question I wish I knew the answer to. The asinine answer would be ‘ yes’. I’d be home no matter what side I ended up on. But, I couldn’t do that to her; she was too good to me. I had to be honest. “I don’t know. I want to, but it’ll be hard. What would you do to see your family again? I know that it’s not fair to you. I’m just dragging your heart around and hurting and you don’t deserve it.”
She looked up at me and then just sighed into her hooves. “Damn it, Scriber. I just gave up drinking and you tell me that?”
“I’m sorry, Berry,” I said sadly. I was hurting her. Again. After all I said, and I was hurting her.
She peered out at me from between her hooves. “No. Don’t be sorry. I’d do the same thing to see mom and dad again,” she said as she struggled with restraining her tears. “I get it.”
It felt like I should say something more but what could I say now? I just sat across from her in silence while she struggled not to cry but that wasn’t enough either. My hoof creeped across the table and touched hers, and she pressed hers in. It was her that spoke first again. “When do I get to be happy, Scriber?”
“Berry. Your life doesn’t begin and end with me. You’re a wonderful pony that deserves all the happiness in the world.” I was on autopilot. If that sounded good, you could thank the fortune cookie I stole it from. How could you answer something like that and not sound like you’re scrambling?
“Then, why can’t I get it? Everypony leaves me! My mom, my dad. My friends. The town,” she snapped. “Only reason why Merlot stuck with me because I brought him bits every day!”
She was being so obtuse right now. She had so much and all she had to do is just let herself see it. “Berry! He cares for you, too! You got more ponies on your side than you’re seeing!”
Her hoof shoved against mine, and she yelled so loudly that her voice was nothing more than a sharp whinny. “I don’t want the town! I want you and you’re going to run away, too!”
I wasn’t running! Why couldn’t she get what was happening here. I didn’t want to hurt her! That was the last thing I wanted to do! I screamed right back at her the first thing that I could put together coherently “Dammit, Berry! You got me! I love you!”
We stared at each other in silence.
The silence continued.
She opened her mouth to say something. Nothing came out.
She knew what I said. I knew what I said.
Those three little words seemed to echo in the room much longer than it seemed possible and the world was polite enough to stay on hold while we took them in. It was my turn to go first. I didn’t have the energy to yell anymore. I couldn’t even be angry. I just felt small and weak, not for what I said, but for not admitting it earlier. “I love you,” I meekly repeated. I followed it with a sniffle and a weak smile.
Her resolve broke entirely and tears flooded down her cheeks. “I love you, too,” she sobbed.
There was no way that I was going to leave her crying like that, and I made my way around the table to her and pulled her close and her hooves pulled just as insistently as mine. I could hold her like this as long as she needed, but I had more to say. “This is why things are so messed up. I love you. There’s people back home that I love just as much. If I leave, it’s going to feel like I’m leaving half my heart here, but I already left the other half on the other side. But I’ve got to do it, Berry.” I wasn’t doing much better than her when it came to tears, but I didn’t need to see to burry my face into her mane. “I’d come back for you.”
“Then, let me go with you,” she said while she clung to my body. “I don’t want anypony I love to leave again.”
In that instant, all the worries about what the highway could do to me moved on to her. Would she come through unscathed? As a human? Or worse, just a pony from earth? Would her memories change? Would she remember me? Would I? What if only one of us remembered the other? There were too many questions and unknowns to say anything else. I squeezed her harder. “Berry, I can’t let you do that for me. They’ll be able to make other highways if this works, but this one is wild. I don’t want you to go through it and come out as something I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you either.”
“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t care how dangerous it is, Scriber!” she pleaded.
“I do and it’s only by sheer fluke I’m intact here and with you! I don’t want to see you get hurt or worse. Please Berry, you don’t have to risk it!” To be honest, I don’t think the guards would allow her through for the exact same reasons I was worried about but I didn’t want to hide behind them to keep her safe.
She pulled back, eyes streaming. “What if you go and don’t come back?” she forced herself to say in a tiny weak voice. “I don’t know what I’ll do.”
Oh, how I wish I could shield her from everything that could happen while going back to earth to see what had become of everyone I knew, but there was just one of me. “You’re stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for. That’s why I need you here. I need somepony to come back to.”
“Then, you’re coming back?” she asked weakly.
“If there was any pony that could make me come back, it’s you, Berry,” I replied while squeezing her a little tighter to my body. “It’s all messed up. I know I’m going to to hurt somepony and there’s no way to stop it. I just want to be there for everypony here and there and it’s just not possible. All I can do is try and soften the blow for where it lands and I feel like a jerk for even being in this situation.”
“It’s not your fault, Scriber. I get it. I just don’t like it,” she whimpered.
“You’re not the only one. No matter what I’m going to do, I’m going to break at least two hearts,” I sighed. It was hard to keep a reign on the emotions right now with her trembling breaths against me.
“Two?” she asked. She pulled away just far away enough to look me in the eyes.
“Yeah. One of them is going to be my own,” I said with a sad smile.
She must’ve understood where I was saying because she had the same sad smile. “Well, you don’t need to do anything yet. Maybe I can make your choice a bit easier before you do go?” she said.
“Berry,” I groaned, though the innuendo was unmistakable. I knew she was smarter than that too, but I couldn’t help but go with my instincts. “Really?”
“What?” she said with her brow furrowed. “Oh, for Celestia’s sake, I didn’t mean it that way! Why would you even think that?”
I chuckled, “We were getting pretty close to having a moment. I had to ruin it somehow.” The joke relieved a little of the tension though I didn’t feel any better for it. Even my laugh felt hollow in my gut, but at least I tried to lighten the mood.
She looked aghast for the first moment before it registered that I was just joking like I usually do, and after a shake her head, her smile looked a little brighter. She still sniffled a little as she spoke though, “Anyways, you’re here now and I want us to be happy, so let’s just worry about that until you’ve got to go. Then, I’ll… do something.”
“We’ll figure that out when that comes up, but it’s late tonight and it’s not exactly the time to be planning out major life events,” I said. I wish I could put my thankfulness for her understanding into words. We both knew that it’d be so much simpler if I could just stay here, and the reason why I couldn’t. “Even if things end up with me on the other side, I’m not going to just leave you wondering what happened if I got anything to say about it.”
“Yeah. It’s late. Let’s get to bed, and we can figure this out when we aren’t half asleep,” she said before she tugged on a mouthful of my mane to pull me towards her bedroom.
“Berry! We aren’t doing that,” I protested though the tug made me take a step in the direction. It was surprisingly hard to not to follow a pull to the mane, even if you’re twice the size of the puller.
She dropped the hold. “I know that, but if you’re going to vanish soon, I do want as many cuddles as I can get,” she said with a flick of her head towards the bedroom. “Get going.”
I didn’t need to really think much more on that. “Okay.”
She was already going when I just tossed my hat and vest in the direction of my room, and moved to follow her. Late night cuddles, sleep and more planning sounded like a plan I could live with. Maybe I could figure out the winning move with Berry’s help.
