> Discord's Dungeon of Indignity
>  by MassDriver
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Twilight Sparkle!” Boomed a gleeful voice, across the hills of Ponyville. 

The Princess of Friendship rolled over in bed. She recognized the voice, and reacted accordingly. “Nnnot in the mood,” she mumbled. “Go bother Fluttershy.”

“Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Boomed the voice, its enthusiasm undiminished. “A crisis requires your immediate attention!” All across Ponyville, ponies were shuttering their windows and throwing their hooves over their ears, trying to diminish the sound.

“Don’t believe you,” mumbled Twilight. “Lying. Probably.”

“Twilight!” Said the voice, now clearly offended, “I am not a liar! I may occasionally word the truth in misleading ways. I may sometimes choose to omit information that interested parties might find relevant. And I might, from time to time, deliberately and with malice aforethought assert things which I know to be factually untrue. But that does not make me a liar!”

“So you can hear me,” muttered Twilight.

“No I can’t,” said the voice, still echoing through Ponyville. 

“Good morning, Discord,” said Twilight, sitting up and dangling her back legs off the bed.

“Bad morning, Twilight Sparkle,” said the voice, once again dripping with glee.

“Oh, right, I get it,” said Twilight. “Bad morning, because you’re, like, an opposite guy. Chaos and stuff. Very funny.”

The voice spoke, now offended and at a mercifully lower volume. “You don’t have a very high opinion of my sense of humor, do you, Princess?” Twilight was silent. “Saying ‘bad morning’ was not a pedestrian attempt at a comedic inversion, Twilight Sparkle. It was a grim warning of the terror that lurks outside your door. The mind-melting, twisted ordeal I have engineered to vex and confound and shatter your orderly brain. The chaos made manifest, which even now looms over the terrified ponies in your charge, soaking their souls in unthinking dread as they struggle to comprehend the… enormity, and… er…”

Twilight raised an eyebrow, awaiting the rest of Discord’s spiel. “Confound it, Twilight, you were supposed to grow impatient and interrupt me! You’re an abysmal comic partner.”

“I just woke up, Discord,” said Twilight.

“Oh, very well,” said Discord. “I will meet you more than halfway, your highness. Canterlot’s own Donut Joseph will provide you with a breakfast fit for a fussy royal.” There was an undignified sound effect, and a corner of Twilight’s bedroom was suddenly occupied by a section of countertop from Donut Joe’s cafe, set into the crystal castle walls as if it had been professionally installed there. Donut Joe himself was there too, looking ill at ease after his unexpected teleportation. 

“Princess Twilight!” Said Donut Joe. His panic subsided as he saw a familiar face, only to return when he was hit by a realization. “Are- are we in your bedchamber? I- I’m so sorry, your highness-”

Twilight hopped down from the bed and walked over to the counter. “Don’t worry, I know this isn’t your fault,” she said. “But if you feel like making it up to me, could you get me a nice tall coffee and a donut?” She looked over the selection of pastries in the glass case below the counter. “Make it two donuts. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long day.”

---

The funhouse - “Discord’s Twisted Evil Funhouse,” as the sign proclaimed - was a garish patchwork of patterns and materials, The structure in its entirety was basically a cube, but rough crystals, splintered wood, and cracked stone jutted out at odd angles all across its surface. It looked as though it had been hammered together from pieces of structures all over Equestria, and from an architectural perspective, it shouldn’t have remained standing for more than a few seconds. Twilight reasoned that chaos magic was holding it up - which didn’t inspire much confidence.

“Yes, it’s true!” Said Discord’s voice. Now that Twilight was standing right outside the funhouse’s door, Discord had lowered the volume of his announcement, but it was still loud enough that it made Twilight uncomfortable. “The Lord of Chaos has turned evil once again! Fluttershy momentarily failed to babysit my short attention span and fragile ego, and now all of Equestria shall sink into madness! Unless…”

“Unless?” Said Twilight. There was a waver in her voice; she was beginning to think she would have to start taking this seriously. 

“Unless friendship can triumph over chaos! You see, Twilight, I’ve captured all of your friends and imprisoned them-”

Twilight gasped. “Rarity?” She demanded. “Rainbow Dash? Applejack? Pinkie-”

“Yes, obviously,” said Discord. “All your friends.”

“Moondancer? Shining Armor? Sunset Shimmer?”

“Er, well, no,” admitted Discord.

“Nurse Redheart? Ditzy Doo? Marshmallow Hooray?”

“Okay, I get it, you have lots of friends!” shouted Discord. “No, I didn’t get everybody. Just the other Elements of Harmony. And the Princesses. And before you ask, not Princess Pinkheart. Just the real princesses. They’re all imprisoned within my sinister funhouse, and there they will stay until you free them.. But should you fail, you’ll join them in the funhouse… and there will be no one left to defend Equestria from my whims…”

“I’ll do it,” said Twilight, stepping towards the door.

“Oh, I know,” said Discord. “I fully intend to break your spirit in due time, but I never doubted you’d have the courage to enter the funhouse.” The front door, a tall wooden plank with a distorted checkerboard pattern, swung open. “Do come inside, Princess.”

The doorway led only into shadows. It could be a trap, thought Twilight. Or, at least, more of a trap than it obviously already is. But this is still the only way to save my friends.

Twilight stepped forward into the shadows, and the door slammed shut behind her. 

There was absolute darkness for a moment, and then the lights came on all at once, illuminating a room so white and bright that it stung Twilight’s eyes. Once her eyes adjusted, she saw that she was in a large, perfectly square room - perhaps thirty feet on a side - made up of square white panels all across the walls, ceiling, and floor.

“Huh,” said Twilight, confident that Discord could still hear her. “This all seems a little… sterile. I wouldn’t have expected something like this from you, Discord.”

To Twilight’s right, a panel on the wall flipped over, revealing a glass screen on its reverse side. The screen showed the frowning face of Discord, who seemed to be standing in a similarly white room. “It’s called a comic juxtaposition, Twilight Sparkle,” said Discord, his voice coming from all directions. “The outside of the funhouse was wacky and chaotic, whereas the -” He sighed. “Oh, never mind. It’s a test chamber, Twilight! Just like in the popular Portal series of interactive video entertainment!”

“What?”

“Isn’t it wild?!” Said Discord, grinning broadly. “This voice, guiding you through a comedic game of puzzles and challenges! Who could have imagined such a thing?” His face fell. “Hmph,” he scoffed. “Quantum Conundrum was criminally underappreciated…” He sighed, and forced a grin back onto his face. “But never mind that! I’m sure you’ll have a positively narbacular time in the funhouse. Now where was I? Comic juxtapositions? Yes, this will be our first lesson…”

Two wall panels slid out of view, and from the black space beyond, white-gloved mechanical arms snaked out, writhing and undulating unwholesomely as they reached out to grab at Twilight. Twilight took flight, making use of the ample space to evade the pursuing arms. 

“Ooh, that coffee did you a world of good!” Said Discord, his eyes spinning as he watched Twilight fly. “Let’s make things more interesting.” Six more panels slid aside, and six other arms emerged, all moving to catch Twilight, bending and snaking on dozens of mechanical elbows. 

For a good thirty seconds, Twilight stayed ahead of the arms, leading them in circles around the room. Then Discord, seeming to grow bored, idly flicked a talon, and a fraction of a second later the panel directly in front of Twilight sprang out of the wall. Twilight, moving too fast to change direction, slammed flat up against it - and the eight arms grabbed her in an instant, one on each leg, one on each wing, and one on her horn and her tail.

“Now then,” said Discord, “A comic juxtaposition is a method by which the proximity of two things creates comedy all on its own. For example, suppose an alicorn princess - a symbol of power and dignity all across Equestria - were made to wear something decidedly undignified?”

Twilight groaned. “Discord, please don’t-” Still another arm emerged from the wall, this one holding some type of motley-colored bodysuit. Twilight couldn’t quite see what it was meant to look like, or what the material was, but she could tell, even from a distance, that she didn’t want to be inside it. “Discord, come on!” Twilight tried to blast the suit, but she felt the gloved hand on her horn pinching at her magic, forcing it back down.

The arms on Twilight’s wings and tail disengaged and grabbed edges of the garment, pulling at stretching it as it came closer to Twilight’s face. It looked like rubber - uncomfortably thick rubber. Twilight struggled, flapping her wings, but the arms held her fast - and in an incomprehensible flurry of movements and a cacophony of rubbery snapping sounds, the arms pulled the outfit onto Twilight. 

Once the outfit was on, The arms all let go at once, letting Twilight drop into freefall. The flapped her wings, finding to her relief that the rubber outfit wasn’t restricting them. She fluttered cautiously down the the floor and raised a rubber-encased hoof to her face, trying to get a sense of how she looked. “Discord,” she groaned, “Just what am I wearing?”

“Oh, let me help you with that,” said Discord. The floor panel in front of her lowered out of sight, then came back into view with a full-length mirror standing on it. Twilight looked at herself, scowling as she realized how ridiculous she looked. The rubber bodysuit covered almost her entire body, with no zippers or fasteners anywhere, and the rubber was so thick that it didn’t stretch far - without magic, this suit would have been impossible for anyone to put on. And she quickly realized that her magic could barely stretch it, and couldn’t damage it at all, so it wasn’t coming off either.

The whole suit was covered with mismatched patterns and bright colors, like a clown. More like a fool, actually. A jester. And that had clearly been the intention, judging by the floppy protrusions that dangled from the suit’s head. There was an opening in the front for Twilight’s face and horn, a pair of small holes that let her wings poke through, and another hole for her tail in the back. 

“Discord!” She yelled, turning to the monitor that showed his face, “This is… even for you, this is really low!”

“You don’t like it?” Taunted Discord, pouting. “I thought it would get you in the mood for fun, Twilight! Remember fun, Twilight? Being young and carefree?”

“Actually,” said Twilight, “I’ve found my adult life to be more rewarding than my childhood. I grew up without many friends, and… while I don’t regret the time I spent studying as a filly, as a grown mare I have both books and friends. The mythologizing of childhood as a state of bliss is something I have a hard time relating to, actually-”

“So that’s your problem!” Said Discord. “You never had fun as a child! Well, don’t worry - Creepy Uncle Discord will give you a second childhood right now.” He snapped his talons, and two mechanical arms re-emerged from the floor, too quick for Twilight to react to as they grabbed her back legs. Another arm poked out of the floor after them, holding… 

Twilight’s face blanched, going from her usual mauve to a pale lavender. The arm was holding a puffy, pink… diaper. “Oh, no no no!” Said Twilight. “You are not getting that on me!”

“Oh, don’t worry,” said Discord. “I’m not expecting you to use it. Just to wear it and be, you know… properly humiliated.” He coughed. “I mean, er, remember the innocence of childhood. Whatever I said earlier.”

The mechanical arms stretched open the hole in the back of the bodysuit and shoved the diaper through it, affixing it to Twilight’s bottom. When the arms retracted, Twilight looked at herself in the mirror again, turning her body so that she could see her backside. Logic would dictate that the thick rubber would compress the diaper until it was barely noticeable, but instead, it retained every bit of its puffiness. The shape of a diaper was clearly visible through the suit, making it obvious to any observer that she had a thickly padded butt.

“There!” said Discord. “Why, you’ve never looked cuter! Are you ready to take on your first challenge?”

“The sooner I get started, the sooner I’ll be done,” said Twilight.

“And the sooner all your friends get to see you in that adorable outfit!” said Discord. “Well then! Whenever you’re ready…” A panel in the wall ahead of Twilight slid open, revealing a corridor that led into impenetrable darkness. The monitor bearing Discord’s likeness turned off, leaving the room in eerie silence. 

Twilight looked at her ridiculous reflection in the full-length mirror. She prodded the diaper, then tilted her head and watched the floppy rubber protrusions of the jester’s head wobble. She sighed. “This is officially the worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with.”

Her reflection scoffed, and its exasperated frown curved into a sinister grin. “Even worse than those timelines where Equestria was subjugated and most of your friends were probably dead?” The voice was her own, but the cadence of its voice was all Discord.

Twilight trotted past the mirror, onward into the dark corridor. “As long as this stays between you and me, reflection?” she said, turning to look at the wooden backside of the mirror. “...Yes.”

---

“Oh dear!” said Discord’s voice - suddenly sounding warbly and low-fidelity. “It seems you’ve stumbled into one of the older sections of the funhouse. Oh, by the way: no flying in this room, and no magic.”

“Stumbled?” said Twilight, putting her hoof to her forehead and finding that her horn was gone.  “I took literally the only path you made available to me.” She’d stepped out of the dark corridor onto bare pressboard, held aloft by rusting metal pillars in an enormous, dilapidated chamber. 

“Yes, well, you’d get it if you had played Portal 2, Twilight.” Twilight looked up to see Discord looking down at her from a monitor that crackled with static and rippled with scanlines. 

“Would I just recognize it,” asked Twilight, “Or would I be laughing? Because there’s a difference between just making a reference and actually telling a-”

“Oh look!” said Discord. “A button!” His image on the monitor looked down, directing Twilight’s attention to a hoof-sized red button on a white pedestal. “It’s red and shiny and it’s the only thing in this room you can interact with! Why don’t you give it a little push?”

“All right,” said Twilight, trotting cautiously over to the button. She hovered her hoof over it, bracing herself for something sudden and unpleasant, and then stamped down on it.

Suddenly, a jet of unpleasant fluid erupted from an exposed pipe to Twilight’s left. It was thick, translucent, and green, and it clung to Twilight, dripping slowly down her bodysuit as she shuddered.

“That’s a little something we call Smooze Gel!” said Discord. “It simply can’t be stopped by anything whatsoever. It comes to us by way of a generous donation from a good friend of mine.” His voice dropped into a conspiratorial mutter. “By the way, Twilight, this is something you would recognize, but not necessarily laugh at, if you’d played Portal 2.”

“Okay,” said Twilight, standing motionless as goo dripped down her body. “You’ve degraded me. When do I get to save one of my friends?”

“As soon as you solve my puzzle!” said Discord, steepling his fingers gleefully. “Honestly, Twilight, if your brain can’t stand up to this level of teasing, you don’t stand much chance of getting through the funhouse!”

“A puzzle,” said Twilight. “Okay.” She didn’t quite trust Discord to engineer a comprehensible puzzle, but she decided to try and apply some logic to her situation. The red button really did seem to be the only thing in the room she could interact with, and it didn’t seem to affect anything other than the pipe that had splattered her with slime. The button seemed to have turned on the flow permanently; green ooze flowed sluggishly from the pipe’s opening, draining through the broken portions of the floor. The pipe was enormous, big enough that Twilight could crawl through it if she wanted to - but she definitely, definitely didn’t.

Twilight, bracing herself again for something nasty, stamped her hoof down on the button. Nothing seemed to happen right away, but within a few seconds the flow of slime reduced to a trickle and came to a stop. Hm, thought Twilight. So the button toggles the flow on and off. That’s… maybe something I could work with. She set her hoof back down on the floor, and cringed as she felt the slime squishing inside her bodysuit. The ooze had gotten all over her, and some of it had clearly seeped through the holes in her outfit. Now every motion of her body was accompanied by a muted squish and the feeling of slime against her body. 

The pipe didn’t seem to be doing anything for her at the moment, so she pressed the button again. This time, the “Smooze Gel” rocketed out of the pipe, the thick, heavy liquid knocking her onto her side. There was more of it now, so much more that Twilight found herself encased in slime, trapped in a pony-sized blob that she had to kick her way out of. By the time she did, the ooze had gotten into every nook and cranny of the suit, including the diaper. Twilight tested her back legs, and shuddered as she felt the slime squish between her buttcheeks and along her marehood. 

Twilight looked at the pipe again. The powerful burst of slime had become a steady flow, stronger than it had been last time, but it was slowly dying down. It looks like the pressure built up while the flow was off. She looked at the wall opposite the pipe, her eyes following the thick green stain dripping down its surface. Hmmm, she thought. If the slime had come out of the pipe a little faster, it would have… gone right through that hole near the cieling… 

Twilight stamped her hoof on the button, shutting off the flow, and stared intently at the pipe as she raised her leg. “Ooh!” said Discord, “That’s a princess with an idea! I wonder if it’ll work…”

Twilight let the pressure build for what she guessed was about two minutes. Then she closed her eyes and mouth as hard as she possibly could, held her breath, and stamped her hoof down on the button. This time there was a furious torrent of ooze, so powerful and thick that Twilight was absorbed into the flow, her body held aloft and carried along by the sludgy current.

As she’d predicted, the built-up fluid pressure of the slime was just enough to propel it through the hole in the wall. What she hadn’t predicted, and only discovered when she cautiously opened one eye, was that there was no neighboring room on the opposite side of the wall. Instead, the flow of gel was carrying her through an enormous empty space, with nothing below her but cracked concrete and filthy-looking water several hundred feet below. She instinctively kicked her legs and tried to flap her wings, but her legs were so thoroughly encased in thick slime that she could barely move them. And as for her wings - well, they’d disappeared along with her horn when Discord had declared that there would be no flying in this room.

Twilight risked a glance forward, and saw that the slime’s arc was bringing her closer to a metal-and-pressboard floor suspended in midair… much like the construction of the room she’d just left. It almost looked like she would make it there… in fact, it almost looked like she would land right on the crude orange circle someone had spraypainted onto the floor…

The flow of slime, still holding Twilight within it, scored a direct hit on the orange circle, as if the path of its arc had been precisely calculated in advance. Twilight had braced herself for impact, but when the gel smacked against the floor, its surface went rigid and the force of impact dissipated harmlessly around Twilight. For a moment she just floated in the violently wobbling slime, looking like a piece of fruit inside a gelatin mold, and once the motion calmed down, she kicked her way out and set her hooves on solid ground.

“Fascinating!” Said Twilight, watching the blob of slime slowly turn soft and drain through the floor.. “Smooze gel must be a non-Newponian fluid… Discord, I’d love to get a sample of this so I can run some tests on its properties.”

“You’re not supposed to be fascinated,” said Discord, his image appearing on another low-fidelity monitor. “Having fun would be an acceptable reaction. Or being disgusted. Or dying. But being intellectually curious is… well, it’s just not the point of this exercise, Princess. Nonetheless, you have solved my puzzle of slime. You may free your first of seven friends.”

He pointed his paw towards a corner of the room, where there stood a closed jack-in-the-box, some seven feet on a side. Each face of the box bore an image of Discord in garish clown makeup, seemingly painted so as to deliberately make him look as unsettling as possible. Twilight shuddered at the sight, and then shuddered again as she realized that she was soaked with slime. It was bad enough when the slime was just inside her rubber suit, but now it was thick, and every movement of her body felt like she was trudging through a swamp. She was soaked down to her skin, and her diaper was badly in need of a change - albeit not for the conventional reason.

But apparently this was what victory felt like. Squishing with each step, she trotted over to the jack-in-the-box, found the crank, and started to turn it. The warbling, off-key song was only just recognizable as “Pop Goes the Weasel,” and Twilight turned the crank slowly, bracing herself for something loud and sudden when the song got to the word “pop”...

But nothing happened. The song came to an end, and started up again. Twilight turned her head to look at the monitor, where Discord was gazing out expectantly. “Discord,” she said, “How long do I have to-”

The box burst open, and Twilight yelped and fell on her butt. The slime-soaked diaper squished loudly as her weight landed on it, and she felt the fluid oozing deep into her buttcrack. Sitting on her sodden bottom, she stared up at the jack-in-the-box; Something had emerged from the top, wobbling and bouncing on a thick metal spring. Something pony-shaped, although she didn’t quite recognize them…

Once the wobbling of the spring slowed down, Twilight was able to get a look at the sky-blue face of a pony she knew well. “Rainbow Dash!” She said, relieved to finally see a friend. 

“Twilight!” Said Rainbow Dash. She extended her hooves, as if seeking a hug, but the queasy wobble of the jack-in-the-box’s spring kept pulling her out of reach. Twilight realized now why she didn’t recognize her at first; Dash was also wearing a rubber jester costume that covered most of her body in a motley patchwork of colors. 

“Hang on, let me help you off of that thing,” said Twilight. She reached out her forehooves to grab Rainbow Dash as the spring brought her closer, but Dash suddenly vanished, leaving behind just a wobbling metal spring.

“Discord!” shouted Twilight. “If you can’t play fair-”

“Oh, calm down, Twilight,” said Discord. “You’ve saved Rainbow Dash and I’m not taking that away from you. I’ve just moved her someplace safe where she can wait while you complete the other challenges. Look, I’ll show you.”

The image on the monitor flickered, and changed to show a room marked off by red curtains, with a chevron pattern on the floor. Rainbow Dash walked into frame - still in her jester costume - and turned to look at the monitor. “Oh, hey, Twilight!” She said. “Can you hear me? Are you… wearing a diaper under there?”

Twilight scowled. “Never mind that,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” said Rainbow Dash. “There’s chairs here, and a snack table, so it’s, like, way better than being inside a box. But seriously, though, are you wearing a diaper? Because-”

“Okay, Discord!” Shouted Twilight. “She’s safe, I’m satisfied, turn off the screen!”

“Of course,” said Discord, as the monitor’s feed switched back to his room. “But just so you know, she will be able to watch every step of your journey from that room.  I certainly hope nothing intentionally humiliating happens to you while your best friends are watching…”

Twilight groaned. “Let’s just get on with it.”

---

“So… this is obviously a trick,” said Twilight. The dark corridor had led her into another sterile white room, maybe fifty feet on a side, with another jack-in-the-box sitting in the middle of the floor. Twilight tested her legs, and found to her surprise that the slime inside her suit had disappeared.

“Twilight, you are terribly suspicious of those you feel have wronged you,” said Discord. “Trixie told me how cruel you were the second time she came to Ponyville.”

“You mean the Alicorn Amulet incident?”

“Yes!” Said Discord. “You didn’t even give her a chance! Maybe she would have been a really good insane dictator! At any rate, Princess, let me set your mind at ease. You have my word that, when you turn the crank of that jack-in-the-box, Applejack will emerge from it, unharmed, on a spring. And I further promise that, while my previous statement was technically true, there will be an unexpected twist to the situation that will make things inconvenient and, dare I say, humiliating for you.”

“Huh,” said Twilight. “Yeah, that’s… probably the truth.” She stepped forward and turned the crank - and it burst open on the very first note of “Pop Goes The Weasel,” once again surprising her so much that she fell back onto her butt. 

Twilight had been expecting to see Applejack pop out of the jack-in-the-box on a spring, just the way Rainbow Dash had. But instead, she saw Applejack’s orange fur billowing out of the box, expanding as it left its enclosure. And that was just Applejack’s face. The rest of her was coated in a rubber jester costume, and that, too, expanded as it left the box, quickly swelling outward to fill the available space. Twilight shuffled backwards on her butt, getting out of the way of Applejack’s rapidly growing body, backing herself into a corner as Applejack’s head hit the ceiling and her giant hindquarters pushed up against the wall.

By the time she was done growing, Applejack took up most of the 50-foot-square room, leaving Twilight in a cramped corner, her rubber-coated body looming over her cowering friend. Twilight had feared she would be crushed by Applejack’s growth, and once she realized it had come to a stop, she let herself breathe a sigh of relief. “Applejack?” She called out, looking up.

“Oh hey, Twi!” Said Applejack. She shifted her body, moving her head forward so that she could look down at Twilight. Her face was monstrously huge and looming, but her friendly smile was comforting. “Last thing I remember is Discord showin’ up in my bedroom and sayin’ something he probably thought was real funny.”

From somewhere in the room there was a muffled sound of offense.

“An’ then next thing I know I’m poppin’ out of this box. So did Discord shrink ya, or am I jus’ real big?”

“Uh, it could be either, I guess,” said Twilight.

“Well, I sympathize,” said Applejack. “Bein’ small is no picnic. Although to be honest, bein’ big is likely to put a crick in my neck, if I don’t get outta this cramped room pretty soon. Can ya help me… uh… oh my goodness…”

“Applejack?” Said Twilight. “What’s wrong?” Applejack’s body was beginning to quiver, and her face was locked in an open-mouthed expression that Twilight couldn’t quite read…

“Twi…” gasped Applejack, “There’s somethin’ in this dern rubber suit… down in my, er… nether regions…” She reached down with her forehooves, shifting her body as best she could. “Feels kinda good, actually, but…” she fumbled at her crotch with her hooves, trying to find whatever was down there. “Sorry, Twi, this is embarrassin’, but… I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum…”

Applejack’s body shook the whole room, drawing in sharp, quick breaths - and then she went still. “Whattaya know,” she said. “The thing just stopped. An’ right when I was about to - oh, oh Celestia, there it goes again…” Applejack started to shudder again, moaning as she approached climax - and then once again she stopped. “Dang it!” She yelled. “Blasted thing’s messin’ with my marehood, but it won’t let me cum! Oh, it’s startin’ again… Twilight, ya gotta help me…”

Twilight had been hesitant to intervene in the bizarre scenario, but now that Applejack had asked for her help, she steeled her courage and charged in. Applejack’s crotch was close to the floor and easy to access, but the rubber was too thick for Twilight to get through. A quick check told her that her wings and horn were still gone, so there was no help there. “Applejack!” She said, “Can you lift me up? I think I need to… go inside your suit…”

“Fer real?” Said Applejack - but then the sexual stimulation fired up again, and her body quivered with helpless arousal. “Okay, yeah,” she said, “good idea!” She reached down with both hooves, carefully held Twilight between them, and lifted her friend up to her face.

“Okay,” said Twilight, “I’m going in. And I’ll… fix this… somehow.” Twilight kicked off from Applejack’s hooves, landing herself just below Applejack’s chin. From there, she was able to squeeze herself between Applejack and the rubber suit. It was a tight fit, but there was just enough give in the rubber that she could make slow progress downward.

As she crawled down along Applejack’s belly, the rubber of Twilight’s suit rubbed and squeaked up against the inside of Applejack’s outfit. It felt strange to be so close to Applejack’s body - a body Twilight was familiar with, but not quite so intimately as this. Applejack was huge, her body warm and powerful and quaking with arousal. And the lower she got, the more intense the scent of Applejack’s aroused marehood. The musky scent was trapped inside the suit, making it humid and stuffy as Applejack’s aroused pussy produced more and more of it. 

Twilight sank lower, and when her hooves nudged something soft and moist, she knew she had hit Applejack’s giant pussy. In the musky darkness, Twilight fumbled for the source of Applejack’s sexual torment, and she soon found it - a hard plastic device that buzzed intermittently against Applejack’s clit. 

Bracing herself against the thick rubber at her back, Twilight pulled at the device, trying to wrestle it out of Applejack’s pussy. But the device was larger than she initially realized, its length stretching deep into Applejack’s love tunnel, and there was simply not enough room inside the rubber suit to wiggle it free. 

Twilight ran her hooves along the pussy juice-slicked surface of the device, searching for some kind of off switch. Instead, she found a thick cable - a cord - leading down. Sorry, Applejack, thought Twilight. I’m gonna have to go… deeper. Clenching her mouth shut, Twilight crawled down past Applejack’s pussy, smearing herself with her friend’s fluid as her body slid past the giant pony’s slick lips. She followed the wire deeper, down between Applejack’s legs, and found herself between two enormous fleshy walls that she knew to be Applejack’s giant butt cheeks.

Applejack had always had a generous backside, with a layer of fat over powerful glutes. Twilight had always admired it, but she’d never expected to be quite this… intimate with it. The wire led into Applejack’s buttcrack, and Twilight followed it, squeezing in between her cheeks. Progress was slow - with each pre-orgasmic quiver of her body, her butt clenched, holding Twilight captive in her crack. Applejack’s glutes were probably strong enough to overpower Twilight even at their regular size, so Twilight didn’t stand a chance against them now.

But every time they unclenched, Twilight got a little further, and in time she followed the cord back to its source, another plastic device. This one was smaller, with a hoof-sized dial on its surface. This must turn off the vibrator! thought Twilight. She got a grip on the dial and turned it clockwise -

And then she was nearly squashed flat as Applejack’s ass clenched harder than ever. Even through the thick rubber she could hear Applejack screaming as sher body shook. Oh, thought Twilight. I guess clockwise turns it up. She rode out Applejack’s orgasm, clenched tight between her cheeks, and when it finally died down, Twilight turned the dial in the opposite direction, as far as it would go. Applejack’s butt unclenched, and her body rose and fell with huge, relieved breaths.

And then Applejack was gone. Twilight fell - only about five feet, luckily - and landed on the floor of an empty room. “Applejack?” she yelled.

“Hey, Twilight!” Applejack replied. Twilight turned to the monitor, which showed Applejack standing in the same red room where she’d seen Rainbow Dash. “I’m, uh… somewhere else now! Normal size ‘n everything! Thanks fer helpin’ out and, uh… y’all an’ me don’t need to talk about what happened if y’all don’t want to.” She tilted her head. “Why’re ya all wet, sugarcube?”

“It’s your pussy juice, Applejack,” grumbled Twilight.

“Welp!” said Applejack, blushing deeply. “Should’na asked!” From offscreen, Twilight heard Rainbow Dash breaking into laughter. “Uh, I guess I’ll see ya around!” She turned to Rainbow Dash and in a low voice muttered, “Uh, is Twi wearin’ a diaper?”

“She totally is-” said Rainbow Dash, and then the monitor switched back to Discord.

“Friendship wins again!” said Discord. “You and Applejack got closer than ever, and it’s all thanks to me! Hmm, maybe I should be Princess of Friendship…” With a pop, Twilight’s horn and wings appeared on his body. 

“Urgh, remind me to wash those when I get them back,” said Twilight. “That is the grossest thing that’s happened to me today.”

“Hurtful,” said Discord, scowling and crossing his arms. “But I shan’t hold it against you.” Below the monitor, a panel slid aside to reveal another dark corridor. “Whenever you’re ready, come and play my next game.”
> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next room was another white cube, this one a little smaller than the last. It was made up of the same white panels, but some of them - six, Twilight quickly counted - looked like the sides of the jack-in-the-boxes that her friends had been trapped in. So what do I do here? She thought. Six sides make a cube - so am I supposed to get to those panels and put together a jack-in-the-box?

Unfortunately, all of the panels were far out of reach - either on the ceiling or near it. “This chamber will test your spatial reasoning skills,” said Discord. His voice was oddly monotone, and he was making an attempt to sound feminine. “Please use the Rubik’s Device located in the center of the room to move the wall panels and complete the challenge.”

Twilight turned her head to the center of the room. “There’s nothing there, Discord.”

“Please keep in mind that these are pre-recorded instructions that cannot respond to your queries,” said Discord, still high-pitched and monotone. “Please do not develop the suspicion that the entity speaking to you is conscious and intelligent, as that is intended to be a mid-game twist.”

“Okay,” said Twilight. “So we’re back to referencing things I’ve never seen.”

“If the Rubik’s Device is not present, then we regret to inform you that this test chamber cannot be solved,” said Discord. “Please starve quietly and do not attempt to investigate any secret rat holes behind loose panels.”

Twilight huffed, and inspected the walls near the floor with increased scrutiny. She hadn’t noticed it at first, due to the eye-catching jack-in-the-box panels, but one of the ordinary white panels on the wall was indeed loose, and dim orange light shone from behind. “Okay,” said Twilight, “Let’s see what’s back here.” She poked her head cautiously into the crack, and saw a cramped-looking space with frenzied scrawling all over the walls. Diagrams, pictures, lines of text - nothing coherent, as far as Twilight could tell, but maybe a closer look would be enlightening. Twilight squeezed her body through the crack, with some difficulty - it didn’t look like it would be a tough fit, but Twilight wasn’t accustomed to having a thick rubber suit on her body, or a big poofy diaper on her butt, and she had to wiggle her backside in order to squeeze through the gap. 

Once she popped through to the other side, she trotted over to the far wall to get a better look at the scrawled writing. But her focus was interrupted by Discord’s voice from the room behind her. “It seems that you have left the testing area,” said Discord. “We regret to inform you that the -” Discord’s voice wavered, dropping out of the high, feminine register as he broke into a peal of laughter.

“I’m sorry,” said Discord. His voice was high and monotone again, but it seemed like he was still holding back laughter. “We regret to inform you that the cake - hee hee - the cake is…” Twilight glanced back into the “test chamber” and saw Discord laughing uncontrollably on the monitor, alternately holding his sides and slapping his knee. “I’m so sorry, Twilight,” he said, now in his normal voice. “It’s just… the thing I’m trying to say is just so unbelievably funny… if you knew what it was, you’d never, ever get tired of hearing it, no matter how many times it was repeated.”

“Okay,” said Discord. “For real this time. The cake is -” and then Discord howled with laughter for literally two entire minutes.

“Well, never mind,” said Discord, wiping tears from his eyes. “To be honest, I prefer pie anyway.” And with that, the “test chamber” raised itself up, moving away from the cramped crawlspace that Twilight had squeezed herself into. As the chamber moved aside, Twilight saw that it was just one of many chambers, each one suspended in an enormous space that went on as far as the eye could see. She was in some kind of highly mechanized, automated facility, where robotic arms positioned and repositioned those same white panels in different configurations all around her. Twilight realized that it was all created by Discord’s chaotic magic - and, in all likelihood, a reference to something she wasn’t familiar with - but it was still pretty impressive.

The test chamber she'd been in now shifted away from her, sliding away by some mechanism, revealing a floor of metal plates underneath. The floor was expansive, almost five times as big as the room, and Twilight hopped down onto it from her little crawlspace. The room slid into the center of the floor, stopped, and turned itself inside out. Each of the inward-facing white panels shifted outward, turning the room into an enormous white box. Then it dropped from the railings that suspended it, crashing into the floor with so much weight that Twilight was momentarily certain it’d collapse and fall into the void.

But it held steady, and as Twilight watched, the test chamber raised itself up, using the white panels on its base as feet. The mechanical arms that supported each panel bent in unison, like dozens of legs testing their knees - and then the ones nearest Twilight shifted down, as if the chamber was a bull ready to charge. Twilight yelped and started to run, circling the giant white box to get out of its path. 

Sure enough, the test chamber charged forwards, towards the spot Twilight had been standing - and since she wasn’t there anymore, it charged right past that spot and slammed into the side of a massive pipe, hitting it with enough force to separate two sections that had been bolted together. Twilight cringed - both because the impact shook the floor again, but also because she was afraid more Smooze Gel would erupt from the busted pipe. Luckily, it seemed to have been empty.

“Blast!” Said Discord. His monitor, now on the outside of the mobile test chamber, showed him in front of a comically overcomplicated control panel that was leaking steam, oil, and sparks from various sections. “I should have gotten more practice with this thing!”

“Discord!” Twilight shouted. “That seriously could have killed me!”

“Uh, no doy?” said Discord distractedly, pressing buttons and pulling switches seemingly at random. “I’m kind of a villain over here, Princess.” The test chamber picked itself up from where it had crashed - but instead of charging at Twilight, it began to stagger drunkenly around the floor, swaying from side to side. 

“Oh, fiddlesticks,” said Discord. “I’ll never squash you like this. I suppose I could test out the mobile test chamber’s experimental combat mode...” He jabbed at a button, and the white panel next to the monitor receded into the chamber. When it re-emerged, it was carrying something. Something big and round…

“It’s a pie, Twilight! From before?” He looked at Twilight expectantly. “Remember when I said I preferred pie?” His face fell. “I suppose a little too much time has passed since the setup to that punchline. Hey Twilight, you know what the most important thing in comedy is?”

Twilight didn’t respond; she understood Discord’s sense of humor well enough to understand that he was about to throw that pie at her, and she wanted to be ready. Sure enough, the panel twisted, aiming the pie down at her. And before gravity had a chance to make the giant pastry fall, the panel sprang outward, propelling it in her direction. With a desperate leap, she managed to get out of its way, and it splattered on the ground, landing upside-down and leaving behind a trail of whipped cream as it slid to as stop. Twilight looked at the fallen pie ruefully; it was about six feet in diameter, and while it wouldn’t have killed her, she was still glad she’d dodged it.

Twilight walked over and nudged the pie tin with her hoof. “Wait, is this just whipped cream in a pie tin?” she said. “You have the power to alter reality and this is the ‘pie’ you come up with?”

“This is an experimental setting,” said Discord, “But I appreciate your feedback. Let’s see if you like this one more.” He pressed a button, and a different panel receded and re-emerged with another six-foot pie. This one was apple, and it looked deliciously decadent, dripping with syrupy filling… it also looked piping hot, fresh from the oven.

Should have kept my mouth shut, thought Twilight, as she dodged away from the scalding-hot dessert. She circled the mobile test chamber, and once she started moving, it resumed its drunken stagger, moving unsteadily around the floor. Its movements were difficult to predict, but as long as Twilight kept her distance, it seemed like she’d have no trouble reacting to it. 

The pies, on the other hand, were starting to worry her. As soon as she rounded the corner of the test chamber, two panels retrieved pies and threw them. Twilight tightened the circle she was running in, moving closer to the swaying test chamber, and the pies sailed over her head. One pumpkin, one blueberry. 

She ran a circle around the chamber, dodging more and more pies as she rounded each of the cube’s corners. The rubber suit was restrictive, making running a chore, and it trapped her body heat. If I don’t do something, thought Twilight, I’m going to pass out. Or at least slow down enough that I get hit by a pie. 

By her third time round the room, she was running through piles of spilled pie filling, struggling to keep her balance on spilled fruit and fragments of shattered crust. With one unlucky step, her hoof slipped in a puddle of filling, and she fell face-first onto the floor, sliding forward on sticky boysenberry. A little got in her mouth, which wasn't so bad. Some more got into her suit, which she was less fine with.

Twilight grunted and pulled herself up - and then whimpered as an enormous shadow closed in on her. Before she could move, a pie slammed into her, totally engulfing her body beneath its crust.

“Finally!” said Discord, pumping his fist as Twilight kicked her way through the crust, covered in cheesecake.. “Ooh, you’re lucky that one wasn’t hot. What is that, strawberry cheesecake? Raspberry?”

“Whatever it is.” said Twilight, licking her lips clean, “It’s in this suit all the way down to the diaper.” She eyed the test chamber suspiciously, but it wasn’t readying another pie yet; Discord seemed more interested in talking. 

“What a messy Princess you are, Twilight,” said Discord. “But since you’re having a hard time, and I’m having great fun, I’ll throw you a little hint. Perhaps you should examine that big red button over by the busted pipe.”

Twilight turned her head to look at the pipe the test chamber had charged into. There was, indeed, another red button on a pedestal. “Hang on,” said Twilight. “That wasn’t there before.”

“Excuse me?” Said Discord, “It absolutely was, Princess.”

“No, I was standing over there, and there wasn’t a button.”

“Princess,” said Discord, through gritted teeth, “That button is part of the level design, and I assure you that it was there from the start. You’re not accusing me of not playing fair, are you?”

“What do you care?” Said Twilight. She tilted her head, making her cheesecake-splattered jester hat wobble. “You seemed proud of cheating the first time we met.”

“I care,” said Discord, steam rising from his ears, “Because this is the one time I’ve played fair, and I want some acknowledgment!”

“Okay, okay,” said Twilight. Then, under her breath: “The button wasn’t there, though.”

“Yes it was!” Bellowed Discord. His hands flew over the control panel in front of him, and every single panel on the mobile test chamber flipped over to reveal a thick, charred metal nozzle. He curled his talons into a fist and slammed it on a thick yellow button, and each of the nozzles belched a gout of angry red flame. 

Twilight screamed and ran in the direction of the button, hoping that it would still accomplish whatever purpose it was intended for. She hurtled herself at it and slammed her forehooves onto it, then turned back to the mobile test chamber. It was still staggering around the floor, but its flamethrowers made it a genuine threat. Twilight kept her eyes on it, ready to move left or right as it came closer…

And then the enormous broken pipe behind her began to rumble and shake, and an echoing burble rose up through it. Before Twilight could conduct any sort of threat assessment, Smooze Gel erupted from the break in the pipe, a ten-foot-wide jet of slime scoring a direct hit on the mobile test chamber. Thanks to the gel’s non-Newponian properties, it hit the chamber like a freight train, knocking it back and sending it stumbling away from Twilight. The gel splattered after its impact, leaving a slimy green coating over the flamethrowers that lined its sides. The nozzles glowed red with heat underneath the ooze, and then the slime began to bubble… and then dark, ominous smoke began to pour from the test chamber’s interior.

The mobile test chamber wasn’t quite like anything Twilight had seen before, but she was pretty sure she recognized an imminent explosion when she saw one. There was nothing for her to hide behind, though - nothing on the floor besides her, the test chamber, and a few thick pools of Smooze Gel that had fallen near her…

Twilight groaned miserably as she was struck by a brilliant idea. Usually, brilliant ideas made her happy, but this idea involved coating herself in the fallen Smooze Gel so that its unusual physical properties would absorb the impact of any flying, white-hot debris that came her way. As fast as she could manage, she scooped up all the slime she could, slathered herself in it, then dove into a pony-sized drop of Smooze Gel that hadn’t yet lost its shape. 

Seconds later, the shaking, smoking test chamber exploded, flinging burning debris in all directions. Most of it tumbled into the abyss, but several pieces smacked against the side of Twilight’s slime-bubble. The bubble held steady, turning solid and wobbling with each impact, and after holding her breath as long as she could, Twilight wiggled free of the ooze.

In the center of the floor, where the test chamber had stood, was a jack-in-the-box. Twilight had all but forgotten that it had been part of the test chamber, but there it was, intact, not even singed by the explosion. Weaving through flaming wreckage, feeling slime and cheesecake squishing against her limbs and inside her diaper, she trotted over to the box and began to turn the crank.

This time, the box produced an a capella version of “Pop Goes the Weasel,” perfectly on key and expertly produced, with all vocals seemingly performed by Discord himself. Twilight was more disappointed than surprised when the box burst open halfway through; she’d really wanted to hear all of it.

“Wow!” Said Pinkie Pie, as soon as she popped out of the box. “Twilight, you’re a mess!”

“Uh, you’re welcome,” said Twilight, scowling up at her.

“Oh my gosh!” Said Pinkie Pie, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just, you look like you’ve been through a lot!”

“Yeah, it’s been trying,” said Twilight. “But that doesn’t matter. The most important thing is-”

“TIMING!” Shouted Discord triumphantly, his face appearing on a smoldering monitor lying next to the jack-in-the-box.

Twilight stared hatefully at the monitor for a long moment, then turned back to Pinkie. “-is that you’re okay, Pinkie Pie,” she said. 

Pinkie vanished, and Twilight turned back to the monitor. As she’d expected, it switched to the red-curtain room, where Pinkie was already staring into the camera. “Hey Twilight!” She said. “Cool diaper! It’s like super poofy!”

Twilight sighed. “Yeah,” she said, shaking her back leg. “It’s also totally soaked with slime and cheesecake.”

“Aw, I’d have changed it for you!” Said Pinkie Pie. “I’m like an expert at that now!” Rainbow Dash and Applejack laughed offscreen, and the feed cut out.

---

“Oh, would you look at that,” muttered Twilight, stepping out of the dark corridor.  “It looks like I’ve stumbled into one of the sections of the funhouse that… is… a nail salon.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth!” Said Discord. His face appeared on one of the framed images of flowers that lined the back wall of the empty nail salon. “I thought you could use a little cooldown. That last challenge got a little more emotionally charged than I was expecting. We both ended up saying some things that you’re going to regret.”

Twilight laughed softly as she parsed what Discord had just said. “Hang on,” said Discord, raising an eyebrow. “You hated my other references. Why’d you like that one?”

“That was a reference?” Asked Twilight. “I laughed because it was a funny thing to say, all on its own. You know, Discord, the thing about reference humor is-”

“Hold that thought,” said Discord. “If we’re going to have a discussion, we may as well get started on your next challenge.” He reached his arms out of the painting he was in, grabbed the edges of the frame, and pulled himself through. “Twilight,” he said, taking a seat in one of the salon’s padded chairs, “This next challenge will test your ability to give me a pedicure.”

“Pedicure?”

“It’s like a hooficure,” said Discord, “Only it’s not a made-up horse word.” He raised his brown leg and looked down at the dark hoof it ended in. “Actually, I guess half of it will be a hooficure,” he said. “I always forget which limb is which.”

Twilight sighed. “I guess it was too much to expect that I would be the one getting a hooficure,” she said. “Fine, let’s get started.” Drawing on memories of spa days with Rarity, Twilight retrieved the foot soak tub from beside Discord’s seat. “You know,” she said, “I’m not that good with my hooves. This would go easier if I had my horn back.”

“Oh, you didn’t notice?” Said Discord. “You’ve already got it. I put it back on your head at the start of the last challenge. I was wondering why you didn’t use it. You could have been levitating pies out of your way and making force fields instead of covering yourself in Smooze Gel…”

“What?” Said Twilight. “I did not have my horn back there!”

“Let’s not get into this again, Princess,” sighed Discord. “Anyway, it scarcely matters now.”

“Yeah,” said Twilight. “I guess it doesn’t.” With her magic, she levitated the tub, scented water, and epsom salts - and gasped as the room around her seemed to shoot upward, She dropped to her knees, seized by vertigo, as the ceiling receded and Discord loomed huge over her. 

“Ah, this is the fun part,” said Discord. “With each step of the process, you’re going to get a little bit smaller. Giving me a pedicure would hardly be a challenge otherwise.” 

Twilight groaned, levitated the tub into place beneath Discord’s feet, and began to fill it. “Well, as long as I don’t have to go through anything like what happened with Applejack…” She stared up at Discord. His lanky, patchwork body had never really been intimidating on its own, but now he was a towering presence. Twilight guessed she was at about half her original size, and apparently she was only going to get smaller over time.

“No, no,” said Discord. “I don’t think of you that way, Twilight. Now, er… what were you saying about reference humor?”

“Well,” she said, placing the filled tub under Discord’s feet, “Reference humor works best when the reference is funny on its own and doesn’t rely entirely on the audience being familiar with what’s being referenced.”

Discord dropped his feet into the tub, and Twilight flinched as herbal-scented water splashed onto her, seeping into her rubber suit. Well, it’s the least unpleasant thing that’s gotten in there today, she thought. 

“I think I see what you mean,” said Discord. “Like how the song in ‘Marge Vs. The Monorail’ is fun and catchy even if you’ve never seen ‘Music Man?’” 

“Well, I don’t know what most of those words mean,” said Twilight, “But… yes, it sounds like you’ve got the basic idea. See, this is -”

“Done soaking!” Said Discord, kicking his feet out of the tub. Twilight flinched again, but got splashed with another wave of fragrant water. Twilight knew from experience that forty-five seconds of soaking was hardly sufficient, but she was ready to agree with anything that got this over with faster. She picked up a pumice stone in her telekinesis, instantly shrinking down to less than a foot in height. Discord’s feet looked huge now, big enough to stomp her flat. She steeled herself and trotted over to Discord’s lizard foot, raising the pumice stone to its surface.

“As I was saying,” said Twilight. “This is the sort of thing I was hoping you had learned from your friendship with Fluttershy. You keep making these references that amuse no one but yourself… I’d really hoped that friendship would teach you that sharing laughter with other ponies is much more fun.”  She moved the pumice over Discord’s scales and talons, working off their rough surfaces. Discord’s talons curled, and Twilight cowered involuntarily; Discord didn’t seem to have much of a taste for physical violence, but now that his foot was looming over her, she was acutely aware of how dangerous he could be with just his claws. 

“I tried making other ponies laugh,” said Discord. “You remember the Gala, I was upstaged by the low-energy comedy stylings of Pinkie Pie’s stone-faced sister.”

Twilight walked over to Discord’s other leg - the brown one that ended in what was now a huge black hoof. Twilight raised the pumice stone and ran it along the hoof’s underside, She was glad to have her magic back, so that she could do the job from a distance; having to be directly underneath the enormous appendage would have been… stressful.

“Maybe you should talk to Maud, actually,” said Twilight. “She doesn’t have the easiest time relating to ponies, but she understands how to make them laugh.”

“Sounds like you’ve already got my redemption arc all planned out,” said Discord dryly.

“Well, I’m trying,” said Twilight. She lowered the pumice stone and picked up a nail file. She shrank again, down below six inches. The nail file was now ponderously heavy and terribly unwieldy - Twilight’s horn was beginning to ache so bad that she almost wished she hadn’t gotten it back. She couldn’t even lift it up to the bottom of Discord’s hoof; the farther away she moved the file, the weaker her telekinesis became.

Discord looked down, between his legs, to where the tiny Twilight was struggling. “Oh, let me held you with that,” he said, and he reached to the side of his seat and cranked a lever. His chair lowered down in a sudden jolt, and his hoof - which he’d repositioned to be directly over Twilight - sank down to within inches of the floor. Twilight screamed and threw herself flat onto the floor, and the massive black hoof stopped just a half-inch above her head. “Oh, terribly sorry!” Said Discord. “My, that was close.”

Twilight crawled out from under Discord’s hoof, her body still tense and shaking. “You know,” she said, trying to keep anger out of her voice, “I have a friend named Moondancer-”

“Oh, here we go,” said Discord, resting his head on his paw. “I know, Princess. You have lots and lots of friends.”

“And Moondancer used to push ponies away because she was afraid of getting her feelings hurt. She was cruel to ponies who reached out to her because she felt sure that they would hurt her.” She ran the file along the side of Discord’s hoof, smoothing out some uneven sections, then trotted over to his lizard foot. Flipping the nail file over, she ran it over his claws, smoothing out the sharp points.

“I see what you’re trying to do, Princess,” said Discord. “You’re trying to bore me to death with stories I can’t relate to. I’m an elemental force of chaos who has lived for millennia. I don’t have anything in common with mortal ponies, however they may strut and fret their hour upon the stage.”

“Well then, let’s not talk about my friends,” said Twilight. “Let’s talk about your friends.” Discord scoffed and idly knocked a plastic bottle off the shelf behind his seat. From Twilight’s perspective, the shelf was a few hundred feet up, and when the bottle hit the floor, she felt the vibrations in her hooves. The bottle began to roll in her direction, and she erected a wall of magic to bring it to a stop before it could crush her. 

The bottle contained “Rose Massage Oil,” according to its label, and Twilight took this as a cue that Discord wanted a foot massage. The bottle was almost a foot tall, more than twice her current height, so she just let it lay on its side and unscrewed the cap with her magic. As soon as the cap was off, though, Twilight found herself shrinking again. She was once again gripped by vertigo; all around her, the nail salon expanded into a space so massive that her eyes could hardly make sense of it, and Discord towered above her, unimaginably huge, bigger than a mountain. 

And the massage oil, spilling onto the floor, was a thick, oily flood that swept Twilight up, flailing and spitting, before coming to a stop a couple feet away. Twilight’s rubber suit was soaked with scented oil, which was almost pleasant - but the squishing sounds coming from her diaper and the overwhelming flowery odor made it decidedly undignified. 

Twilight walked back over to the spilled bottle, formed a basin with her magic, and filled it with spilled massage oil. Discord’s lizard foot was dauntingly huge, itself the size of a dragon to Twilight’s eyes, but she focused on the task at hand and used her magic to work the massage oil into his scales.

“As I was saying,” said Twilight. “You have a friend who shares some of your problems. A friend with a connection to a powerful elemental force. A friend who’s also coming to terms with the prospect of outliving her friends.” She hammered at the underside of Discord’s foot, emphasizing her words. “You were immortal and then you started to make friends. I started to make friends, and then became an immortal. We’re both coming at this from different angles, but we’re wrestling with the same problem.”

Twilight collected more oil and walked over to Discord’s hoof. “Sometimes I want to lock the doors of my castle and tell my friends I don’t want to see them anymore,” she said, working the oil into the underside of the gigantic black hoof above her head. “It would be so much easier if I could just shut everyone out and wait until time severs all my connections to the ponies around me.”

The muscles of Discord’s leg shifted, and for a moment Twilight thought that he was going to bring his hoof down. It was too big for her to get away in time, and she knew her magic couldn’t hold him off for even a fraction of a second. If he decided to squish her, then it was all over.

But he didn’t; instead, he hopped out of the chair and landed on the floor several feet away from Twilight. “Here’s your friend,” he said, sounding entirely humorless. “See you in the next room.” He held something in his paw, something far too small to see at this distance, and tossed it onto the ground.

Twilight raised her forehoof. “Discord!” She yelled. “I’m trying to help-” 

But he vanished, and the tiny object he’d tossed at Twilight came closer and closer, falling like a meteor. First Twilight could see that it was red, then that it was a cube - and she realized it was the jack-in-the-box that held one of her friends. She reached out with her magic, trying to catch it before it hit the floor, but she’d exhausted herself by lifting larger and larger tools over the course of the pedicure, and she couldn’t conjure anything strong enough to bring the box safely to a stop.

The box hit the ground with a crack - but it was the floor that was damaged. The box stood unharmed inside a crater in the white tile floor, and Twilight walked over to turn the crank. This time, the “music” was a bored-sounding Discord mumbling the approximate tune to “Pop Goes The Weasel,” until the box popped open. Rarity sprang out, slowly wobbling to a stop on the end of her spring.

“Twilight!” Said Rarity, “What are you wearing, dear? What am I wearing?” She prodded the underside of her rubber jester suit. “Oh, this is dreadful!”

“Well, it could be worse,” said twilight. “Discord could have put you in a diaper.”

Rarity peered at Twilight’s rear end. “Oh, you’re quite right,” she said, stifling a laugh. “That would be a great deal worse. I hope you’re holding up all right, darling.” She stared down at Twilight, still wobbling slightly on her spring. “Er, would you help me down from here?”

“Uh…” Twilight put her hoof to her chin. “Discord would usually teleport you out fright about now,” she said. “I think he’s… in a bit of a mood at the moment.” Rarity vanished at the exact moment, as if Discord was listening and wanted to insist that he was not, in fact, in a mood.

In the wall behind Discord’s chair, a mouse hole-sized door opened up into darkness. Twilight sighed and trotted toward it. “Discord…” she mumbled uncertainly, shaking her head.
> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Twilight stepped into the darkness, she felt her stomach turn as gravity twisted around her, With nothing under her hooves, she fell, and she landed among dangling, tangled cables. She opened her eyes, briefly perceiving a another white-paneled room, this one wide and circular. But the cables tightened around her, binding her legs, crisscrossing her chest, and covering her eyes. Tangled up in the wires, Twilight dangled upside-down, suspended about fifteen feet above the floor.

She struggled instinctively, but none of the cables would come loose. She felt her horn, still on her forehead, and tried to pull at the cables - but although her magic was working, it couldn’t so much as touch the cords that were binding up her body. They must be part of the challenge, thought Twilight. Removing them would be “cheating.”

But it wasn’t clear what she was supposed to do. She was wrapped up tight, blindfolded, and apparently forbidden to free herself; if there was a challenge here, she wasn’t seeing it.

But then something appeared in her vision. Though her eyes were still covered, an image flickered to life, exactly like one of Discord’s monitors turning on. It took Twilight a moment to realize what she was being shown, but once she made sense of the shapes, it was clear: she was looking at herself. She was hanging from some sort of machine, with unfamiliar components under rings of white plastic. Tied up in the cables was her own body, still in its rubber jester suit - she could even make out the puffy shape of the diaper within it. 

Twilight struggled again, and she saw herself swing back and forth. What she was seeing, apparently, was a live feed of the room she was in, from some outside perspective. She reached out with her magic, trying to touch what she was seeing - and the view changed. Same room. Still looking at herself. But a different angle. She reached out again, and she saw a third perspective. In this one, she wasn’t looking directly at herself - rather, the view was pointed at a space directly below her. And there was something overlaid on this view - a circle with lines crossing its edges.

The circle reminded her of something, and it took a moment of quiet thought to remember what it was. Back when Shining Armor had been going through weapons training on his way to becoming the captain of the royal guard, he’d let curious young Twilight carefully inspect the weapons he was learning. Twilight never developed a taste for physical weapons - the thought of what they did to a pony’s body always made her queasy - but she did retain a vivid memory of looking through the iron sights on a crossbow. And that memory gave her the sense that, with this circle over her vision, she wasn’t just looking. She was aiming.

Twilight reached out and changed the view again. It looked like the same room she was in, but she hadn’t been able to see this part of it from the other cameras. This view was pointed down, aimed at some kind of closed circular aperture set into a raised platform on the floor. 

And then Discord strolled into view, wearing some kind of orange jumpsuit. He turned to look at Twilight - or, at least, whatever camera Twilight was currently looking through. 

“Oh, hello there!” He said, his good cheer sounding a bit forced. “Always watching, eh, Princoss?”

Occasionally, Twilight found that she was prone to over-focus on small, manageable problems, even when much larger problems were looming. And it was for that reason that, instead of any of the other things she could have interrogated Discord about, she chose to question the way he had mispronounced “Princess.” 

“Princoss?” She repeated. 

“Yes,” said Discord. “That’s you, isn’t it? PrincOS. Stands for… ‘Pony… Something Something Something Something Operating System.’ You’re the tyrannical artificial intelligence that rules this facility, and you’ve been constantly monitoring me, forcing me to run through your tests, all in the name of friendship.”

“Discord,” said Twilight, “You’ve sort of lost me with this elaborate reference you’re weaving, but I gather from context clues that you’re trying to recast me as a villain.”

“You don’t think the horseshoe fits?” Sneered Discord. “Well, let me unpack the metaphor. Are you not a ruler? Do you not punish those who fail to live up to your standards of ‘friendship?’”

“I never forced you to make friends! I offered friendship -”

“Yes, you held friendship in one hoof, and with the other one you offered being turned back into stone.”

“I -” Twilight sputtered. “Discord, I was trying to stop you from hurting ponies. If you’re suggesting I shouldn’t have used the threat of force, then you’re holding me to a far higher standard than you hold yourself to.”

“But it wasn’t enough for me stop having fun, was it?” Said Discord. “I had to start caring about ponies.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Twilight. She could feel cracks starting to form in her sense of calm. “Was it awful of me to offer you the chance to be more than a… one-dimensional villain?”

“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong, Twilight,” said Discord. “I wasn’t one-dimensional - I was all-encompassing. I was everything. Nothing mattered to me but my own amusement. I watched ponies cry and beg and go mad as I twisted their brief lives into balloon animals, and it meant nothing to me. I was blissfully, gloriously alone in here,” he said, jabbing a talon at the side of his head.

“Discord, you can’t just-”

“No, you can’t just!” said Discord, pointing his paw at the camera. “I can! I was happy all the time before you ran your friendship experiment on me! Now I get sad whenever Fluttershy gets sad! And she gets sad whenever something bad happens to a wild animal! Which is constantly!”

“Oh, for-” Twilight’s leg jerked, tugging at her bonds, as she tried to put a hoof to her forehead. “We’ll get you a therapist, Discord. You’ll learn how to compartmentalize your feelings. Everypony struggles with-”

“I am not everypony!” bellowed Discord. “I am the Lord of Chaos! My station entitles me to do whatever I want and feel great about it! So if friendship enriches your life, Twilight Sparkle? Fine. Keep it. Because it’s done nothing but hurt me, and I want it gone.” Discord stormed out of the camera’s field of view.

“I’m sorry you’re hurting, Discord,” said Twilight, “But this? All this? It’s crazy. If you just let everyone go, we can talk about… what are those?”

Discord was coming back onscreen with a box under each arm. “Oh, I think you know what they are,” said Discord. He turned toward the camera again, showing Twilight the bright red jack-in-the-boxes he was carrying. “Symbolically, they represent the emotional burden of friendship - they’re cubes that represent the weight of companionship, in other words. On a more literal level, they are boxes that contain Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, which I am going to - again, literally - burn in an incinerator.” The circular aperture in front of him opened, revealing a dull orange light coming from someplace far below. “The burning will symbolically represent-”

“No!” shouted Twilight. “Discord, if you do this-”

“Yes, I know,” said Discord, setting the boxes on the floor, “If I do this, I’ll alienate everyone who ever cared about me. Sever every emotional bond. Not even dear Fluttershy would forgive me.” He grasped one of the boxes in both hands and took a step towards the incinerator. “That is kind of the point.”

Twilight rocked back and forth, swinging in the hanging cables, not getting any looser. She reached out with her magic, trying to touch anything, grab anything around her - but she only succeeded in cycling between the room’s cameras. And she came to a stop on the camera that wasn’t just looking. The one that was aiming. She attempted a subtle sideways motion with her magic, and found that the camera rotated as she did so, giving off a mechanical ping.

Discord’s ears perked up at the sound, and he turned towards Twilight. “Ah, you’re playing with the rocket launcher,” he said. “There was going to be this whole thing where you would fight me with it, but I find that I’m not in the mood. If you think you can hit me without catching the royal sisters in the explosion, then fire away.”

But Twilight wasn’t turning the rocket launcher towards Discord. She swiveled it towards herself, angling it upwards so that it pointed at the spot where she hung.

“Woah!” yelled Discord. “Okay, time out, time out! Well played, you have my attention - let’s just talk about this...”

As he spoke, Twilight angled the view further up, aiming at the guts of the machine that held her in bondage. A rocket sailed into the structure and exploded, raining circuitry and plastic over the center of the room. Twilight’s body lurched as the machine went off-balance, sending her swinging wildly.  

But the queasy feeling of swinging was overwhelmed by something else. The rocket’s impact caused a surge of sensation in her marehood, as if the force and heat of the explosion were mirrored in the seizing muscles of her pussy. She drew a sharp breath, groaning, and her legs kicked involuntarily against her restraints.

Discord chuckled nervously. “Er… there was going to be sort of an orgasm-denial element to our fight,” he said, “Where every time I hit you, it would trigger… well, it seems silly now. All the more reason for you to stop-”

Another rocket slammed into the machine, and Discord shielded his face as the fiery red light of the explosion threw his shadow across the wall. Twilight moaned, her mouth drooling and hanging open, as she felt the explosion as a quiver in her pussy. By chance, the cords wound tighter, not looser, as the machine began to crumble above her. Her legs were held tightly together, her hips pressed against one another as pussy juice leaked from her lips and into her diaper. 

Urgh. That diaper. That rubber suit, with its garish colors and floppy bits. Even her explosive act of rebellion was stripped of dignity, made farcical. And now she was going to cum with Discord watching. With her friends watching, too. Applejack and Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Rarity, all in that red curtain room, watching on monitors as she came, spilling femcum into the padding of her giant poofy diaper.

She fired three more rockets as quick as the launcher could load them, desperate to get it over with. Desperate to cum. Each explosive impact thrummed through her inner walls, making the muscles of her pussy seize, sending shockwaves through her bound-up body. And as the machine over her head finally broke apart, sending her into freefall, she came, her cries of climax piercing the destructive rumble all around her. 

She only had fifteen feet to fall - she’d survived much worse - and nothing heavy landed on top of her after she hit the floor. Even still, she felt like she could have lain there for hours, sleeping off the climax that was still sending aftershocks through her body.

But there was no time for that. She struggled, and at long last the cords around her body were loose enough that she could free one forehoof. She reached it out in front of her, set it on the floor, and dragged her body forward. The cords around her body were still hooked to some seventy pounds of machinery, so pulling herself across the floor was slow going. But she was willing to use all the strength she had left.

“Discord…” she groaned. Blind and crawling, she searched for him.

“Yikes,” said Discord. “I was just trying to incinerate a couple of princesses, Twilight. You’re taking this super seriously.”

Twilight snorted, dragging herself closer. “Discord…” 

“Okay, I can see you’re far beyond being reasoned with,” said Discord.”If it’ll calm you down, go ahead and have your princesses back.” He snapped his talons and vanished - and the cables holding Twilight loosened all at once. She stood, kicking her legs, stumbling free of the tangled cords, and made her way to the two jack-in-the-boxes that stood side by side. 

With her magic, she turned both cranks at once. The boxes were silent as she turned their cranks, and after a few rotations of the crank, the princesses popped out simultaneously. “Celestia! Luna!” cried Twilight, reaching her forehooves out towards them as they bobbed on their springs. 

Celestia reached out with her hooves as well, smiling warmly at Twilight from inside her rubber jester suit. “Twilight,” she said, “I am so happy to see you all right. Just what is Discord doing?”

“I don’t know,” said Twilight. “But he’s getting more dangerous. Less predictable, more… chaotic. He’s suffering, but… it doesn’t matter. Right now we just need to stop him.”

“Twilight,” said Princess Luna, ”Do not forget that friendship is the source of your strength. Using its power, you overcame Discord in a way that no one else could. And I believe that you can do it again.”

Twilight groaned. “You’re right,” she said. “Ugh, why does it always have to be me?”

Luna gave her a sympathetic smile. “If I could solve this problem with my power over the moon, Twilight Sparkle, I surely would,” she said. “But it is your connection to the magic of friendship that is needed once again.” 

“Well, let’s not rule out the moon,’ said Twilight wearily. “Can you still move the moon from in here? Could you set it down on top of the funhouse and just bring an end to all this?”

“I could,” said Luna, “But let us consider that a last resort.”

“You are not alone, Twilight,” said Celestia. “The two of us will try and find a way to-” and then the princesses vanished, spirited away by Discord’s magic. 

“Thanks,” said Twilight, staring up at the empty, wobbling springs. The incinerator aperture closed, then irised open again, this time leading into familiar darkness instead of hot orange light. “Great,” Twilight whispered, and threw herself in.

---

Twilight fell into darkness, and remained in darkness when her hooves hit solid ground. A light flicked on, illuminating Discord, throwing harsh shadows across his face.

“You’re right, you know,” he said, without much emotion.

“About?”

“About me. I’ve turned my back on friendship. And friendship can’t redeem those who reject it - there can be no peace between us.”

Suddenly the lights went up all around Twilight, bright cheerful spotlights that illuminated a colorful floor. And it was just a floor - in every other direction, there was still only darkness, although the darkness had become… swirling. Alive. Between herself and Discord there was a landscape, as though the two of them were standing on a giant map.

Twilight looked down at her hooves, and saw a grassy hill represented in something like one-tenth scale. She lowered her head and saw grass swaying in a breeze, tiny but intricately detailed. It even smelled like real grass. “Discord,” she said, raising her head, “Where are we?”

“Don’t you recognize it?” Said Discord. “This is Equestria!”

“Equestria isn’t a flat square,” said Twilight, taking in the shape of the floor. “And its geography isn’t neatly divided into a uniform grid.” The floor, now that she looked at it, did roughly resemble a map of Equestria. Mountain ranges, deserts, forests, cities - they were all in more or less the correct spot, but they’d been laid out on a grid so that no one square seemed to be more than one “type” of terrain. 

It was a board game, Twilight realized. A little like Saddlers of Catan.

“It’s s board game!” Said Discord, a few seconds after Twilight realized it on her own. “You and I are going to play for the fate of Equestria, Princess. If I win, you and your friends will remain eternally in the funhouse while I plunge Equestria in madness, etc. etc. And If you win, I’ll save you and your friends some trouble, and turn myself into stone.”

“I don’t want to turn you back into stone, Discord," said Twilight. "I want you to be happy. I want you to have tea with Fluttershy, and go on adventures with Starlight and Trixie and Thorax. I want you to pester me and Cadance about a made-up illness…” Twilight sighed. “Okay, if I’m being honest, I don’t want that last one. But I don’t want to see you turned back to stone either!”

“Well, too bad,” said Discord. “Those are the stakes, Princess. Play the game. Surrender Equestria to me, or beat me and banish me for another few millenia.”

Twilight stamped her hoof. “I-”

“Won’t play your sick game, yes, yes,” said Discord, twisting his wrist dismissively. “I don’t wish to place a time limit on your turns, Twilight, but if it becomes clear to me that you are trying to stall by not taking your turn, moves will be made on your behalf. Oh, and… I don’t think you would sink so low, Twilight, but physical violence is expressly forbidden - or to put it more precisely, it’s impossible for either of the players to harm each other.”

Twilight growled under her breath. “And are you going to play fair?” she asked. 

Discord grinned. “Oh, you’ll find this game to be more than fair,” he said. A slim book popped into existence beside Twilight and plopped onto the grass. “By all means, familiarize yourself with the rules. Take all the time you need, I shan’t pressure you.”

Despite her misgivings, Twilight felt a jolt of excitement when she saw a book for the first time in hours. She flipped it open and started to devour line after line of small print, absorbing the rules of the game. It seemed to be a game about acquiring territory, expanding one’s reach across Equestria. The rules were devilishly complex, which excited Twilight - but it also sparked a suspicion that Discord was trying to slip something by her. She knelt, getting comfortable on her tiny grassland square, and tucked into the book.

---

“Okay,” said Twilight, “So placing a red beacon on a desert square reduces-”

“Weather effects, yes,” said Discord. 

“Except on odd-numbered turns,” said Twilight. “All right, all right…”

---

“Okay, but do cone effects work vertically as well?” asked Twilight.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” said Twilight, pointing at the miniature Cloudsdale floating above a mountain square, “If there’s a cone in play on the square underneath Cloudsdale, or… underneath the moon or the sun, does it affect what’s above it?

Discord quirked an eyebrow and looked up at the miniature heavenly bodies. “The sun and moon aren’t territory, Twilight. They’re just there for authenticity.”

“Okay, okay, just asking…”

“I mean, feel free to try and build a city on the sun, if you like…”

Twilight scoffed and turned back to the book.

---

“All right,” said Twilight, rising to her hooves, “I’m ready.” She’d spent almost an hour reading the rules, and she’d satisfied herself that it was possible for her to win. Discord - as far as she could tell - was playing fair.

“Marvelous!” said Discord. “The first move is yours, Princess.”

Twilight glanced behind her, where the miniature Ponyville stood on an adjacent square. At one-tenth scale, its taller buildings were still above her head. At the start of the game, she controlled Ponyville and a few adjacent squares, and she had some very basic options for expanding her territory. “Okay,” she said, “I’ll take… these two grassland spaces.” 

The border of those spaces shone purple, and then Twilight felt her body jerk as the ground underneath her seemed to fall away. But no, the ground wasn’t falling - she was growing. Her hooves slid across the grass as her body took up more and more space, outgrowing the square she was standing on. She felt her ass bump into something, and turned around - her big, poofy diaper was nudged up against the crystalline Friendship Castle, pushing on it as her body expanded. 

Twilight laughed softly, enjoying the feeling of growth, and wiggled her expanding butt against the miniature castle. The rubber suit squeaked, and her diaper crinkled, as her expanding butt rubbed up against the little structure - and then she heard a crack. She stepped forward and turned around, surveying the damage; her butt had managed to snap off one of the side towers. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” said Discord. “It won’t count against your score. The territory is still yours.”

“Why did I grow?” asked Twilight, shooting a pointed glare at Discord. He looked smaller now - still a good deal taller than Twilight, but not as much as before. “That wasn’t in the rules.”

“Well, it doesn’t really affect the flow of the game,” said Discord, acting innocent. “It’s just a scorekeeping measure. As your territory expands, you expand.”

“Fine,” sighed Twilight. Discord took his turn, expanding his territory by one space and growing about a foot taller. He’d started out on an unassuming patch of desert, with no city inside his territory. That presented some early-game challenges, but he was close to a more diverse array of resources, which meant a potentially stronger trading position between turns 7 and 21, during which…

Well, it was complicated. Suffice it to say, neither player’s starting position seemed to be overtly superior, as far as Twilight could tell. On her turn, she expanded her territory another two spaces, snatching up a square that she dearly coveted: the royal city of Canterlot. Her body expanded along with her territory, leaving her about twice as large as when she’d started. There was something about owning Canterlot that sent a thrill through her chest, and in her excitement she succumbed to a silly idea.

“Might as well rub my diaper butt against this city too…” she said, grinning, and backed her butt up to the miniature Canterlot. She nudged her poofy rump against the little city, maybe taking a little too much enjoyment in the full-body afterglow she got from her magical growth. Chuckling, she wiggled her hips, making tiny buildings crack and crumble under her rubber-coated butt.

And then she heard screams. She jumped forward in shock and turned around, peering at the miniature city - and she saw tiny ponies in its streets. They were molded plastic, with no articulation in their bodies, but they hopped up and down in the streets as if being manipulated by invisible hands. As she brought her face closer to the city, they jumped as if in distress, and fled in the opposite direction.

“Discord!” she said, turning to look at him. “This wasn’t in the rules either! Why are there tiny ponies in the cities?”

“Just a bit of flavor,” said Discord. “Once again, it’s not something that affects the flow of the game.”

A terrible thought struck Twilight. “Is all of this somehow… real?” she asked. “Is this board actually Equestria?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Discord with a dismissive wave of his paw.

“No, I’m going to worry about it,” said Twilight. “I’m not going to play this game if there’s a chance I’ll crush real ponies under my hoof… or my butt…”

Discord let out a rough, rueful sigh. “Yes, Twilight, if you must know... this space is, in a sense, the real Equestria. A sort of reflection through a funhouse mirror. The state of the real world is reflected in the weather, the little ponies, and the movements of the heavenly bodies… but your actions here do not affect the real world. You did not snap off a tower from your castle, nor did you crush any Canterlot ponies beneath your padded butt.”

Twilight relaxed. “Okay, good,” she said. 

“But-” said Discord, the side of his mouth quirking upward, “There is a connection between this place and reality. The good ponies of Equestria can in fact see you - a gigantic projection of their Princess of Friendship, standing tall and mighty, locked in combat for the fate of their world. You must be awfully proud.”

“They can see me?” said Twilight, her face going pale.

“They see you just as you are, Princess. Larger than life, clad in rubber, with an enormous poofy diaper on that big pony butt.”

Twilight fell flat, covering her head with her hooves. So this was her final humiliation. Win or lose, Discord was going to embarrass her in front of everypony in Equestria. “Fine,” she muttered, still huddling under her forehooves. “Take your turn.”

---

Things were not going well. Twilight was pushed back against the western edge of Equestria, finding herself - again - cowering under Discord’s hoof. He’d claimed huge swaths of land for himself, cutting Twilight off from most avenues of expansion. And he, like his territory, was big. His body overshadowed mountain ranges and trampled forests, and while Twilight had expanded considerably since the start of the game, she still didn’t come up past the top of his hoof.

His hoof did look pretty good, though. Twilight took a moment to congratulate herself on the hooficure she’d given him.

“Doesn’t look good for you,” said Discord, lifting his hoof. “You’re cornered, and you’re tiny. We can play out the rest of this game… or maybe I could just finish you off here and now.”

Twilight jerked her body backwards, but Discord was quicker. His leg shot out, and then his hoof was on top of her, slamming into her, crushing her flat against the miniature landscape. 

Only… it didn’t. Discord was leaning all his weight on his hoof, but it felt to Twilight like little more than a heavy blanket. She squirmed under his hoof, unharmed but helpless to move. “Oh Twilight, surely you remember!” said Discord. “The players can’t hurt each other, just as I told you before. I didn’t really scare you, did I?” He lifted his hoof ad watched Twilight scramble out from underneath it. “Chin up, Princess,” he said, staring down at her. “You can still win this.”

“I intend to,” muttered Twilight.

---

Twilight rested her butt on… well, on most of Equestria. She’d blazed the comeback trail, backing him into a corner of the map, shrinking his body and his territory as her own body had expanded tremendously. This meant victory was well within her grasp - and it also meant that her enormous diapered butt could be seen from just about anywhere in Equestria. She was really trying not to think about that part. 

“It’s over, Discord,” said Twilight, looking down at him. He’d ended up under her butt - somehow - and everything below his waist was pinned beneath rubber. “Just call off this stupid game!”

“And rob you of your well-earned victory?” said Discord. “Wouldn’t dream of it. You have only to deliver the Victory Flag to your starting city, and you’ve won. You’ll be free, and I’ll be turned back to stone. I’ll be out of your mane for at least a thousand years.”

“I told you, I don’t want-” Twilight stopped. “Starting city…” she mumbled, then she glared down at Discord. “Discord!” she shouted, shaking the mountains with her voice, “You said this game was fair!”

“More than fair,” said Discord.

“Then why did you fix it so that you can’t win? You don’t have a starting city! Under the rules of the game, you can’t possibly-” She groaned. “Ugh, how could I have been so stupid? I pored through the rulebook trying to make sure that I could win… it never occurred to me that you would try and fix it against yourself.”

“But that’s just what I meant, Princess,” said Discord. “A fair game would be one we both can win. And since this is a game that only you can win, it’s more than fair.”

“Was this your whole plan?” said Twilight. She ground her padded butt into the game board in a futile attempt to punish Discord - succeeding only in crushing several miniature towns to bits. “To play the villain and rile me up so that I’d feel like I had to neutralize you?”

Discord wriggled under Twilight’s rump. “Of course!” he said. “This whole show was about convincing you that I’d turned heel, Princess! So that when I turned myself back into unfeeling stone, no one would mourn.” He crossed his arms and looked into the distance. “Well, the game’s still on, Twilight. Because I want out. My heart wasn’t made to bear the burden of friendship. Take your turn. Finish it.”

Twilight stood up, careful to keep all four hooves on a board that was almost too small for her now. “I won’t.”

“If you don’t take your turn, it’ll be taken for you,” said Discord.

“No,” said Twilight. “We’re playing a new game now.”

---

“I don’t see what this accomplishes, Twilight,” said Discord. 

“You don’t?” asked Twilight.

She and Discord stood at equal height now, each one laying claim to almost exactly half of the map. Through a series of carefully planned moves, she had ceded her territory, intentionally leaving areas open to attack - and giving Discord no choice but to advance. Creating a perfectly balanced map had been even harder than winning, but Twilight knew her way around the rules of the game now. 

“Surely you don’t intend to drag this game on for eternity,” said Discord. “Even if you were willing to stay trapped in this funhouse with me, you’re not the only one stuck here. Your friends are still watching from the red room, and the snack table only has so many snacks.”

“And I wouldn’t want to leave Canterlot without its princesses,” said Twilight. “Although… even your magic can’t disrupt their connection to the heavens. They’d still be able to raise the sun and moon, no matter where in Equestria they are.”

“I suppose so,” said Discord.

“Can I ask for a clarification of the rules?” asked Twilight. Then, without waiting for an answer: “The rules say that the players can’t hurt each other, right? But if someone else were here, would they be able to?”

“...Yes?” said Discord. “But if your plan is to somehow bring another pony into this space, then I’d like to know how you plan to-”

“Luna, if you’re watching...” said Twilight, “The moon.”

“What about the-” said Discord, and then the moon - the miniature moon that floated above the miniature Equestria - slammed into the back of his head, sending his body crashing to the ground. The whole floor shook, and the swirling darkness around the game board began to fade, letting the light of a Ponyville afternoon shine through.

“I get it,” mumbled Discord, as stars and chirping birds circled his head. “You… used the moon to defeat the bad guy… just like in… Portal 2…”

“Discord,” said Twilight, looking sorrowfully at the fallen lord of chaos, “For the last time… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

---

“So no brain damage, right?” said Twilight. 

“Well, with him it’s not easy to tell,” said Thorax, “But… I don’t think so?”

Twilight sighed. “Well, good. I tried to get him to the right size, so that an impact from the moon would just knock him out and not cause any permanent damage, but… it’s not an exact science.” She took a bite of her almond pastry, surprised by its quality. She wouldn’t have expected anyone in the changeling hive to know much about preparing pony food. But then, they did used to infiltrate pony societies…

“How’s Fluttershy holding up?” she asked.

Thorax shrugged. “Lots of hugs, lots of crying… and she’s obviously worried about all her animals back home. But I think it’s helping to have her here.”

“And Discord,” said Twilight. “He hasn’t… tried to escape?”

“Honestly,” said Thorax, “He doesn’t seem to mind not having any magic. He said it was like ‘taking a vacation from himself.’ I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but… well, as a changeling, I think I know what he means.”

“I think I do too,” said Twilight. She picked up her pastry and finished it off with a final bite. “I’m ready to see him,” she said. “It’s taken me a while to psyche myself up for this, but I need to show him that my offer of friendship is still good.”

“Ah, okay,” said Thorax. “But… if you don’t mind my asking… why are you dressed like that?”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head, and the floppy bits of her rubber jester’s hat wobbled. She stood from her seat, and her diaper poofed back to full size. “I thought Discord could use a laugh,” she said.