> (A)Nonsense > by 2Merr > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Just Another Day in Equestria > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a beautiful Sunday morning. Twilight was enjoying her second cup of coffee, going over her list for the new week. A small yawn came from behind her. It seemed Spike had finally woken up. Setting her list down, she hopped off the chair to greet her number one assistant. "Morning, sleepyhead," Twilight cooed as she nuzzled the semi-conscious dragon. "Mmrrng," Spike mumbled, submitting to the strange pony ritual of rubbing faces together. "I already made pancakes, so eat up when you're ready." "M’kay." Spike crawled up into his own chair and plopped his head onto the table, already falling back asleep. Twilight quietly sighed to herself with a smile. That silly dragon loved to sleep in. Perhaps she should let him. He's earned it. knock knock knock Twilight glanced at the clock in the kitchen. Seven-fifteen. That was strange. The library was closed on Sundays, and her friends never visited this early. Curious about the visitor's identity, she trotted to the front door. When she opened the door, she found herself face-to-crotch with one of them. A human. They had been popping into Equestria fairly often over the past few years. They always had the same name and the same general purpose. "Ugh. Anon, why couldn't you bother Pinkie or Fluttershy? I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now." It was safe to say Twilight's happy morning was now ruined. "Wait, what? How do you know my-" "Shut it. Just tell me which one you're here for so I can give you directions and get back to doing nothing." "Which... What? I don't understand." Twilight tried to keep her irritation in check. "Sex. Which pony are you here to fuck? I'll point you in the right direction and you can leave me alone." "Oh, um... I'm actually here for everyone." Fantastic. He was one of those Anons. "Ugh, fine. Let's get this over with," Twilight grumbled as she turned around, spread her back legs, and raised her tail. "Don't bother with foreplay, just stick it in." "I was kind of hoping for a bit of romance before we-" "Not. In. The. Mood," the purple unicorn growled over her shoulder. The sooner he could fuck her, the sooner he could fuck off. The rest of the ponies in Equestria might have been fine with the impromptu harems every few weeks, but Twilight was sick of it. She could barely tolerate the Anons that came specifically for her. There were a lot of them and they arrived often, usually with some obscure fetish she had to deal with. "Fine, geez," the Anon mumbled before dropping his pants. He was already hard, because of fucking course he was. He wasted no more of Twilight's precious time and finally inserted penis into pony. "Ahh, that's good,” Twilight droned in monotone. “Yep. Oh, Celestia. Golly gee. I love your fat monkey dick.” Like most Anons, he came fairly quickly. Releasing herself with a slurping sound, Twilight stood up straight again and turned to face the newly crowned horsefucker. "Now leave." She tried slamming the door, but Anon jammed his foot against it. "Aren't you going to tell me I need to work on my stamina? Maybe offer to help me practice?" She could hear the hopeful tone in his voice and it filled her with disgust. "No." She succeeded in slamming the door this time. Hard. knock knock knock "I swear to Slaanesh, I will rip your balls off," Twilight whispered to herself. She counted down from ten to calm her nerves. She opened the abused door to once more reveal the awkwardly grinning human. "What." If he asks for a blowjob, I'm using my teeth. All of them. Anon shuffled his feet, refusing to make eye contact. "I was just thinking... You know, since I'm already here... I might as well see Spike, too." Twilight just looked at him, completely devoid of emotion. Anon started to sweat under the intense stare, clearly expecting things to be much easier than they were. "A-actually, I'll just come back later, okay?" Twilight snorted and slowly shut the door, not blinking until it closed all the way. She turned around and trotted back to the kitchen, dripping semen along the way. Spike was fully awake now, reading a letter that he must have recently barfed up. He looked up when Twilight sat down in her chair with a wet smack. "Another Anon?" he timidly asked. "Yes. If I have to deal with any more of them, I'm going to kill everything." Spike grimaced and held the letter out to her. Taking it in her magic, she recognized Princess Celestia's flowing script. There were six shiny golden tickets for the next train to Caterlot attached with a small clip. She took those and placed them next to her now cold cup of coffee. The message was short and concise: an Anon was in Canterlot and wanted to fuck the Princesses and the Elements of Harmony, one after another. The paper burst into purple flames, the ashes falling onto Spike's pancakes. "Aw, man." Ignoring him, Twilight and stood up and made her way upstairs. Her body moved automatically, numbly tossing essentials into a saddlebag. When it was completely full, she walked back downstairs and headed straight past Spike, who was still mourning the loss of his breakfast. Stopping at the door, she glanced longingly at the glass case sitting on the front desk. Inside of it rested the Alicorn Amulet—an artifact that could easily give Twilight enough power to kill every Anon in Equestria. She might even be able to get away with it. "...Maybe one day," she sighed, leaving to gather her friends. At least she wouldn't have to deal with this shit by herself. > Bugsecks > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Mmmm, I heard there was a new creature in Ponyville, but I didn't think you would be so... exotic. I'd love to have a taste," Chrysalis chuckled to herself. Anon was struggling against the strange goo trapping his arms and legs against the wall. "How the fuck did you even get into my house!?" he demanded through his fear and anger. "You left the front door open." Dammit, not again. "Anyway, let's get rid of these, shall we?" The changeling queen's horn lit up in a sickly green glow, and Anon's pants were torn off. That was his favorite pair. His balls were up in his stomach at this point, while Anon Jr was doing his best to follow them. "Well, that won't do," Chrysalis hummed. "This should perk you right up." She opened her mouth, splitting her lower jaw into two pieces. Instead of a tongue, there was a mass of writhing tentacles reaching out toward the shaking human's crotch. The effect was immediate. The tentacles caused jolts of pleasure to shoot through Anon wherever they touched. Their efforts focused on the underside of the head, quickly bringing him to full arousal. Anon was not okay with this. The creature in front of him was horrifying and evil. He wasn't attracted to it in any way at all , but he was already fully erect. He had to stop this; he had to resist. He cycled through the various methods of killing boners, quickly discarding each one. He didn't know very many digits of pi, and thinking of something scary wouldn't work because he was already terrified. He was left with one option. "I'm sorry, Grandma." At first, it worked. Thinking about that one time he accidentally saw his grandmother in the shower was painful, but necessary. Unfortunately, when his erection started to fade, the tentacles immediately doubled their efforts. He tried to focus on the saggy tits, the wrinkly ass, but it seemed Grandma just wasn't enough. Anon was close, now. He felt his dick seize up, his muscles clenched. He tried calling on his grandmother one last time, but all he managed was a moan as he shot his load into the changeling's pseudo-tongue. "Oh, Grandma..." Chrysalis froze, the tentacles snapping back into her mouth. Anon just hung against the wall, his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath. "Yeah, I'm just... gonna leave. Right now." She quickly flew out the door with a horrified expression on her face. The changeling queen may have been a disgusting abomination, but this guy was a freak. > Pony Slurs > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "So then I said, 'Oatmeal? Are you fucking retarded?'" "Hey, that's my joke! And you didn't even tell it right!" Anon ignored the pouting pink poofball and continued telling recycled jokes to the group of foals before him. He and Twilight had been filling in for Cheerilee over the past week while she was sick. Today was Anon's day, and Pinkie tagged along like she always does. He was supposed to be giving a lesson on how human culture was different from pony culture, but that shit's boring. Instead, he decided to practice his stand-up routine on the impressionable young minds. Judging by the blank stares and occasional yawn, he's improved greatly since last time. A brief glance at the clock on the wall told Anon he still had an hour and forty minutes left before he could abandon the little shits and get back to awkwardly stalking wooing the local cellist. Apparently, Octavia wasn't into dudes, but if his dick could turn his ex-girlfriend gay, then the opposite would surely be true for ponies. Speaking of faggots, Anon hasn't heard very many ponies curse. Actually, he's never heard one. "Hey Ponka, do ponies have slurs?" he asked the ADHD mare sitting at Cheerilee's desk. "Huh?" Pinkie tilted her head to the side. "What's a slurs?" "A slur. You know, like a word you would call someone if you want to insult them, usually based on their race—or species, I guess. Something you wouldn't normally say around kids." "Wha-? Why would there be words like that? That just sounds mean." Fucking ponies, man. "That's because they're supposed to be mean. Fuck it, I'll just make up my own." He muttered the last sentence under his breath. "What was that?" Pinkie's ears tripled in size and angled toward the human. He was used to her black magic by now, so he ignored her. "Never mind." He turned to address the future deadweights of society. "Alright, nerds. Recess.” Pinkie was the first one out the door. It was the third recess of the day, but he was the teacher, so they could play outside as much as they wanted as long as nobody died. Now that he was alone and could concentrate, it was brainstorming time. Zebras were way too easy, not even worth three-fifths of an effort. Griffons, diamond dogs, and minotaurs were off limits. Each of them could easily kill him and would have no qualms about doing so. Besides, it was only fun to pick on things that didn’t fight back. So that just left the ponies. Earth ponies were simple: urf. It was close enough to 'earth,’ and it just sounded like a slur. Fucking urfs, always walking on the ground and not doing magic. Disgusting. Unicorns were a bit more difficult. 'Bonehead' was too childish. 'Horny' would get confusing. He needed to come up with something involving magic. Magic. Jick. Yeah, jick sounded offensive. Damn jicks think they're better than everyone just because they are. Lastly, pegasi. That one was a head-scratcher. Again, the first things to come to mind—'featherbrain' and 'airhead'—were way too childish. Maybe something to do with clouds or the weather. The sky? Skyg? Skig. Oh, that one was perfect. Urfs, jicks, and skigs. They all had a nice ring to them. Hopefully, they'd catch on quickly with a little bit of help from the small army of uneducated midget horses. Anon called the wasted DNA back into the classroom. He called the foals in shortly after. "Listen up, boys and bitches. It's time to learn some fancy words." One colt raised his hoof. “What’s a bitches?” Dumbass urf doesn’t even know what a bitches is. “That’s tomorrow’s lesson.” Another hoof shot up, this one belonging to a filly. “But Miss Twilight teaches tomorrow.” “Shut up, skig.” Yep, this was gonna be a fun week. > First Time with Chryssi > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anon sat anxiously at the foot of the bed, his gaze never leaving the bathroom door. His girlfriend Chrysalis was just beyond that flimsy piece of wood, making sure her "surprise" was perfect before revealing it. It was undoubtedly a transformation, and a sexy one at that. Less than an hour before, Anon had finally worked up the courage to go a bit farther than kissing and the awkward hand/hoof holding. Chryssi had been ecstatic, but she told him to wait. She wanted their first time to be special. So she whisked her boy toy upstairs, dropping him on the bed before locking herself in the bathroom. As Anon watched, the green glow slowly faded from the edges of the door. It was finally time. "Babe?" Chrysalis called. "Can you close your eyes for a sec?" "Yes, ma'am!" Anon eagerly complied. The lock clicked, the hinges squeaked, hoofsteps slowly approached the bed, then everything went green. Anon felt the telltale signs of magic around him, but it wasn't a spell he was familiar with. He felt his body changing; his groin burned and throbbed, his chest tightened, he felt his very bones shifting within him. But Anon was nothing if not obedient, so he kept his eyes shut tight. Eventually the spell faded and the transformation stopped, leaving the human panting and sweating on the bed. "Okay, that's the first part," Chryssi's voice came from just behind him. "You can open your eyes now." Anon had no idea what to expect, but that just made it more exciting. He cracked open one eye, then the other, not quite sure what had changed. His clothes were now gone, but that couldn't be the only thing. His hands looked the same, as did his feet, and his... His penis was gone. He had breasts. He was female now. Was this the surprise? Did he get to experience the one thing every man craved: scissoring with a sexy bug-horse lady? "Well? What do you think?" Chryssi's voice sounded deeper than normal. Anon slowly turned around, expecting to find a dripping horse vagoo in his face. He did not expect to see himself—his male self—staring back at him. Chrysalis chuckled, a wry grin on her new face. "I just made the most basic modifications to you in order to change your gender. Since I have never seen another male human, I simply took your form instead of making one up. I hope you don't mind," she smirked. She knew he wouldn't mind. Anon stared in shocked silence. It wasn't the situation that bothered him. He was perfectly fine with having sex as a girl. However, Chrysalis had never seen him naked before. Sure, he had described what it looked like once, but only the general shape. She transformed based on what she knew of him, and made estimates on everything else. One of those estimates was the size of his dick. Chrysalis had vastly overestimated how large he was. Standing tall and proud before him was a massive, throbbing rod of flesh. The behemoth had to be at least twice the length of his real dick, and three times the girth. "Like what you see?" she said, lightly stroking herself. "You'll like it better in your mouth. Open wide." Anon was conflicted. Should he tell her? She would find out eventually when she turned him back to normal, but if he kept quiet for now, he'd get to have sex with a hung version of himself. Isn't more size more pleasure for a girl? He decided to stay quiet. Worst case scenario, he could get fucked by the largest cock he'd ever laid eyes on, then they'd break up. It seemed like a worthwhile trade for Anon. "Aaaah," he opened his mouth wide, his tongue stretching out. Chrysalis placed the tip on his tongue, moaning quietly. Suddenly, she grabbed the back of Anon's head and thrusted, shoving every inch down his throat with one swift motion. The poor human struggled to breathe around the monster in his mouth, but he managed to stay conscious. He was secretly proud of himself for taking the entire thing. He didn't expect to be able to even take half, much less the full four inches. Definitely worth. > The Rumor Come Out > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Anonymous! Get your kitty-diddling poop chute out here!" "That was one time, Twilight! One time! And I thought she could talk, since everything else-" "Right! Now!" Making sure to groan as loudly as possible, Anon jerkily flopped out of his freshly made blanket burrito. It was just starting to get warm, but Twilight didn't care. In fact, she had probably been waiting outside his front door until she could sense his comfort. She couldn't stand it when anyone was happy. He took his time undoing the multitude of bug-proof, horse-proof, and bughorse-proof locks. When the final deadbolt was pulled back, he opened the door to the murderous glare of the purplest pony in the universe. "You know, you could've just teleported in. There's not much I can do to stop you." "I could have, but I actually respect the privacy of others." That was a blatant lie, but Anon didn't challenge her. He had long since learned to let things go whenever Twilight Sparkle was involved. "'Kay. What do you want?" "I don't want anything from you except answers." A magazine appeared and flopped onto the floor between his feet. "Explain this." Anon picked up the magazine, looking at the cover in confusion. "A gossip mag? Thanks, but I don't usually keep up with this stuff." "Don't play dumb with me," Twilight scoffed. Her horn lit up, flipping through the pages rapidly. She stopped near the middle, the page on the left displaying an advertisement for toothpaste. "Wow, okay. First of all, rude. Second, you could just say it. I'm a big boy." "Other page," she growled through her teeth. The only thing on the right page was a rather unflattering picture of Rainbow Dash straddling a Daring Do body pillow. There was a small article underneath it. Still puzzled, Anon quickly skimmed through it. Stopped. Started over, slowly reading one word at a time to make sure what he was seeing was real. The Rumor Come Out: Does Rainbow Dash is Gay? Rainbow Dash is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago. Even it has happened in Season 2, but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about her gay. At that time she became the massive social networking rumor. The public, especially her fans are shocked. She just came out with her bad rumor which is spread massively. This time is not about her flying career, but her bad rumor. The rumor is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this pegasus revealed herself as homosexual. Do you still believe or not, this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of her fans. Anon didn't even try to contain his laughter. "This isn't funny, Anon! How could you write something like this?!" He caught his breath before responding. "What? This thing is funny as hell, but I didn't write it. I kinda wish I did, though." The magazine whipped through the air, stopping right in front of his nose. The purple aura highlighted a single line of words at the bottom. Article written by anonymous. Picture provided by Featherweight, used with permission. Anon was confused at first, wondering what the tiny colt had to do with anything. After a minute, he realized Twilight was mistaking the unnamed writer for him. "Twi," he sighed. "Twiggles. Twiggy Pig." He knelt down and placed a comforting hand on her head, right behind her horn. "I know this is a little embarrassing for you, but I promise not to tell anyone. My name has a capital 'A' at the beginning." At Twilight's dumbfounded stare, he continued, "Besides, why are you even mad? Whoever wrote it is clearly retarded, because it's obvious Dash is gay. It's not exactly a gossip-worthy topic." Twilight blinked and shook her head rapidly, as if coming out of a trance. "What? No! Everyone knows Dash is straight as boomerang. The problem is the awful grammar!" "What." "I mean, look at this! There isn't even one single line without an error! It honestly looks like it was written by a toddler. You might have a learning disability." "I told you I didn't write it. Do you really think that low of me?" Twilight leveled an unimpressed stare. "Anon. You are the only creature on this planet dumb enough to make this many mistakes in a single page." "Wow. Fuck you too, Twi." Anon stood up and stepped back into his house. As soon as he shut the door, Twilight started yelling again. "Don't ignore me! This is serious! Anon? Anonymous!" Meanwhile, on the other side of Ponyville, the smartest member of the Apple clan sat with the manager of Bridle Gossip, excitedly discussing the possibility of a second article. > Poke > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- This was his chance. After days of stalking, Anon finally managed to close in on his prey. It was far too dangerous and pink to confront directly, possessing speed and strength comparable to a small horse. But unlike small horses, this creature was not a myth. It was real, it was alive, and it had a weakness. “Ooh, candy!” Now! Anon stumbled from his hiding place, closing the distance in a fraction of a minute. He stretched one arm forward, index finger poised at snout level. Before the beast could react, it was over. Anon picked himself up from the floor, looking down to see blue eyes filled with shock and confusion. “Omae wa mou booped,” he muttered. “Nonny?” > idk > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anon was an average boy. He ate, he drank, he slept, he breathed. By all accounts, he lived a very average life. However, he had no friends. This was something he wanted to fix, so he began looking for other lonely people. By complete chance, he spotted a poster for ConventionCon, the largest comics + anime + cosplay + esports event in the world. Also by complete chance, it was happening today at his current location! “I should make a costume before I go,” Anon said to himself. “That’ll surely help me make friends. But what should I make?” Everyone else seemed to be going as fictional characters or mythical creatures, so Anon chose to do the same. He ran home and took a shower, then he threw on a clean pair of pants and a nice shirt. After applying the finishing touches of toothpaste and deodorant, his costume was ready. “I wonder if anybody else is dressed as a functioning member of society,” Anon hummed. “I didn’t see any earlier. There were a lot of prostitutes and Spocks, though.” Shrugging off that thought, he made his way back to the convention, following the signs until he reached the registration desk. The old man sitting behind the counter was grinning at him under his hooded cloak. Before Anon could say anything, the old man tossed a glowing ring at him. “Here, have this magical artifact,” he said, cackling madly. Anon, being an average boy, immediately put the ring on. He felt the world shift, and when he opened his eyes... “I’m in Equestria!” Indeed he was. But that wasn’t the only change Anon noticed. It seemed that whatever magic sent him here transformed him into a real version of his costume, complete with all the abilities and powers! “Wowzers! I could use this power to get a job!” And so he did. But he didn’t stop at just one. After that first taste of success, he wanted more. Business by business, city by city, Anon traveled wherever there was help wanted, taking every job he could find. The ponies were powerless to stop him. > Just Another Day in Equestria part 2 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Morning's first light slipped through the windows of the Golden Oak Library, a thin ray of warmth gently searing the cornea of one Twilight Sparkle. The young unicorn was already awake, doing her best not to blink. She wasn’t trying to blind herself, but she wouldn't complain if she just so happened to lose the ability to see ever again. ”Look at me, Twilight! Look at me!“ One Anon. Twilight only had to deal with one Anon yesterday. Just a single underdeveloped mouth-breather running around Ponyville while furiously masturbating. You know, typical Anon stuff. “I’m such a dirty boy! Look at how dirty I am!” Oh, and he was also shitting everywhere. Literally. It was on the roads, on Fluttershy, in the toilet. Nowhere was safe. And Twilight was forced to watch the entire thing. Twilight specifically. No one else. It was never anyone else. “Slaanesh help me, why do I always get the Anons with disgusting fetishes?” Twilight groaned. She shoved her face into a pillow, giving up the attempt at ocular mutilation. It was a dumb idea anyway. Blindness would do nothing to erase what she had already witnessed. Even now, in the darkness behind her eyelids, she could still see that greasy face flushed with shame and arousal. ”Tell me I’m a dirty boy!” Twilight shuddered. This shit needed to stop. Pony society was being subverted for the sexual pleasure of humans, but no one seemed to care. To make matters even worse, Princess Celestia was playing an active role in all of it. Immediately after her first “meeting” with one of them, she drafted the Anonstitution, absolving all Anons of any previous crimes and essentially giving them a pass to be as depraved as they want. It was their culture, she said. “I can’t believe I used to respect you,” Twilight muttered, thinking back to the day Celestia signed that unholy document into law. In that moment, there wasn’t a trace of uncertainty on her face, only jizz and smeared mascara. Despite her bitterness, Twilight still held a faint glimmer of hope for the princess. Perhaps she could be convinced to see reason again, or to at least dial back the madness. Unfortunately, seeing her was nearly impossible now. Day court had been reduced to a single hour because Celestia wanted to spend more time stuffing as many human poles into her pony holes as possible. If Twilight wanted to get an audience with her, she would have to force it. With a half-baked plan already in mind, she rolled out of bed and grabbed her saddlebag before going downstairs to look for Spike. She found him in the kitchen, skillfully flipping pancakes as he whistled a happy tune. Now was not the time for happy. “Spike!” Spike let out a startled cry, flinging the pancakes into the air. He flinched as each one smacked against the floor. “Aw man,” he sighed. “You can make more later,” Twilight said, tossing some writing supplies at him. “I need you to send a letter. Let Princess Celestia know I’m coming.” There was a very high chance her letters were being ignored, but old habits died hard. “You’re going to visit the princess?” Spike asked, fumbling with the inkwell. “What for?” “To make her put an end to this nonsense. I’m done bending over for Anon.” “Uh, which one?” “All of them.” Twilight glanced sidelong at the Alicorn Amulet in its display case, something she caught herself doing more and more often in recent days. After some deliberation, she grabbed it and tucked it gingerly into her bag. “If Celestia won’t do something, then I will.” “That sounded really onimnous,” Spike said, still not writing. “What about Luna? You could ask her for help.” Twilight huffed. “Spike, Luna would be the exact opposite of helpful in this situation. The only Anons she interacts with are the ones that literally worship her ass and want to give her mind-blowing orgasm after mind-blowing orgasm. It’s not even fair.” Spike, still not writing, held up a claw. “Are you sure you aren’t just jealous? I think you need to-” “Spike. Write.” “Fine, geez. What do you want it to say?” “Tell Celestia that I will be formally invoking Section Nine of the Equestrian Articles of Royal & Civil Dispute.” Spike froze, his jaw dropping and his eyes widening. “Twilight, you can’t-” “I can.” “But... But she’s the princess!” “I know.” “She can move the sun!” “I know.” “She has wings and a horn!” “I know, Spike!” Twilight snapped. ”Believe me, if there were any other way, I would have tried it a long time ago. Just write the damn letter.” Without waiting for yet another argument, she teleported outside the library and started trotting in the direction of the train station. The train ride to Canterlot was uncomfortable for all passengers, but especially so for Twilight. There was an Anon sitting in the next seat over, dutifully ruining her day by existing too close to her. He was doing a very poor job of hiding the fact that he was currently balls deep in some poor colt wearing a skirt—a colt that looked suspiciously similar to one of Cheerilee’s students. “Yeah, you like this, don’t you?” Anon whispered at a volume only the deaf would call quiet. “Y-you like the thrill of knowing you c-could be caught at any moment, huh?” The colt, a bored expression on his face, answered with a shrug and a "meh." Anon kept humping away, either not noticing the colt's lack of enthusiasm or not caring. Both were equally likely. By the time the train finally arrived in Canterlot, Twilight's mood had soured even further. She didn’t wait for the doors to open, immediately teleporting outside before she could do anything illegal. The remaining walk to the palace was thankfully uneventful, though that was to be expected in Canterlot. There were very few Anons in the city, and the ones that were there normally stuck to nightclubs or the barracks. Of course, this was ignoring the dozens if not hundreds of green-skinned semen demons packed away in either princess’ bedchambers. Pushing that sticky thought to the back of her mind, Twilight marched through the main entrance of the palace, ignoring the halfhearted protests of the guards stationed there. Two hallways and three doors later, she reached the throne room. Her initial plan had been to dramatically burst through the doors with magic, but since they were already open, she had no choice but to walk inside like a mud pony. Celestia was inside, lying sideways on her throne with her near-permanent entourage of Anons around her. “Oh, Twilight! What a pleasant surprise,” she said. Or rather, that’s what Twilight assumed she said. It was difficult to understand her when she had more dicks in her mouth than teeth. “Princess Celestia,” Twilight shouted over the chorus of moans and sobbing. “As per my letter that I doubt you’ve seen, I am invoking section whatever of the civil article thing! I challenge you to a duel!” The princess’ ears pricked forward, a twinkle of curiosity appearing in her eyes. “If I win,” Twilight continued, “I get full control over all Anon-based policy from here on out. If you win...” She could feel the bile rising in her throat. “You get everything I own, including me.” Celestia raised an eyebrow, her horn lighting up to squeeze another cock into her cheek. “And Spike,” Twilight sighed, rolling her eyes. Celestia’s eyes lit up and she bobbed her head back and forth, gurgling eagerly. The newly constructed Canterlot Colosseum was an impressive feat of engineering. It was built using the combined power of ponies and humans. More specifically, it was the power of humans being told by ponies that they would get a sexual favor from Princess Celestia or Twilight if they built a colosseum. It took them less than an hour to complete it. From the colosseum’s highest balcony, a pompous-looking stallion called for attention. The crowd fell silent. “Thank you,” the stallion sniffed. “As the one challenged, Her Royal Hindquarters Princess Celestia has determined the rules of the contest to be as follows: Each competitor will be given a preselected group of human males numbering one hundred and fifty in total. The first to bring all individuals in their given group to orgasm at least once will be declared the winner. There is no time limit. Spells may be used, but direct magical stimulation is not allowed. Furthermore, self-stimulation is not allowed for any participating Anons for obvious reasons. The contest will begin in sixty seconds.” “Good luck, Twilight!” Celestia said around the “practice penis” she was currently servicing. Twilight couldn’t believe it. There were so many dumb ways to settle a duel, but this was quite possibly the dumbest of them all. Her plan was in shambles. First the doors, and now this. There was no chance she could win when Celestia clearly had the advantage in size and experience. And attractiveness. And wings. “Yeah, I’m doomed,” Twilight sighed. She might as well bend over and- “I’m done bending over for Anon.” “...No.” Twilight dug around in her saddlebag until she found the Alicorn Amulet. “I still have this.” “Thirty seconds!” the announcer called. She quickly put it around her neck, closing her eyes and bracing for the surge of power. Nothing happened. When she opened her eyes, everything felt the same. There was no buzz, no extra energy, not even a little dizziness. The amulet didn’t work. “Ten seconds!” Twilight jumped straight to plan F. She powered up her horn to teleport off the mountainside, but that’s when she finally felt the amulet’s effects. The sheer volume of magic rushing into her horn felt like an ocean was trying to push itself through a syringe. Her concentration broke, allowing the pressure to recede as the spell fizzled out. Any relief she may have felt was overshadowed by the wonder and amazement at what she could now see. Magic was visible in everyone around her. The ponies in the stands looked like candles burning in every color of the rainbow. To her right, Celestia was a raging pink inferno in the shape of a thousand dicks, each one belonging to a different species. The Anons were all muddy green voids, slowly draining the magic from everything they touched like some kind of metaphor. “Five!” Regaining her composure, Twilight closed her eyes again, steeling herself for the coming slaughter. She felt cold. “Four!” It was mostly her legs. She had been standing for a while now. “Three!” The amulet gave her more than enough power to teleport some clothes from Ponyville. “Two!” If she was going to commit genocide, she might as well be comfortable while doing it. “One!” She charged her horn again, more prepared this time for the intensity of it. “Begin!” The spell released, summoning Twilight’s favorite striped socks directly onto her legs. Nice and warm. Now she could get to th- A wave of semen knocked Twilight to the ground. She barely had enough time to take a breath before being dragged under. As she tumbled blindly through the milky currents, she felt the Alicorn Amulet slip from her neck. By the time it was over, everything within six miles of the colosseum had been glazed. A specialized squad of unicorns was tasked with cleaning up the mess. In the meantime, politicians began working to pass a new law making it illegal to wear socks in public. The amulet was recovered by Celestia, who made a rare display of authority by punishing Twilight for using a cursed artifact (she called it cheating). The punishment was a ban from any contact with humans for three weeks. Twilight tried to argue for a harsher sentence, but Celestia held firm. In fact, she was so moved by Twilight’s desire for repentance that she reduced it to two weeks. Twilight stopped arguing after that. > respect wamen > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Femanon breathed in deeply through her female nostrils, the air thrusting into her female lungs non-sexually because women are not sex objects. She could smell freshly cut grass, fruity pastries, and the pervasive aroma of horse. The black magic ritual had worked: she made it to Equestria. “Time to get some fuck,” she grinned, non-sexually rubbing her female hands together. Marching through the streets of Ponyville, she bravely endured a barrage of catcalls, some worse than others. Most ponies threw out a scathing "hello" or "hi there"—common displays of male dominance. One stallion, however, had the gall to say "good morning." Femanon simply responded in kind, for she had already internalized the misogyny. As she emerged from the gauntlet, her female eyes fell upon the physical embodiment of giant horse penis. It was the very stallion she had been hoping to meet the most. He was a large, red earth pony with a sliced green apple as a cutie mark. “Yo, Mac!” Femanon called. “Ready or not, I’m cumming for that dick!” Big Macintosh froze in place, his male gaze instinctively scanning for something to sexualize. He spotted Femanon running towards him and immediately recognized her preferred pronouns. “Um, can I help you, miss?” he manquired. “Hell yeah, you can! Gimme that fat farmer cock!” Before he could respond, Big Mac was tackled to the ground by a blue pegasus stallion who began to viciously beat him. Femanon realized the pegasus was Soarin, a prominent female ally in Equestria. “No need to worry, ma’am,” he said, also recognizing her preferred pronouns without issue. “He can’t rape you now.” “Rape me? What the f-“ “I saw the way he was staring at you,” Soarin cut in, exercising his male privilege. “This scumbag looked at you with his eyes! He was seconds away from literally raping you!” “...Dude, no. I wanted to fuck him. That's pretty much the only reason I came here, to be hon-” “You’re victim-blaming right now, but it's okay. It's not your fault." Femanon glared at Soarin. "Anyway, do you want to get a coffee or something? Maybe I can... help you heal from your trauma? We could make a date out of it if you'd like." "Good lord, are you really doing this?" "Doing what? I just saved you from literal rape! The least you could do is go on a date with me! I promise I'm a nice guy." "Fuck off, I ate a goddamn baby to get here because I wanted the Big Mac apple sack. I'm fucking him whether you like it or not." Soarin huffed noisily, kicking the ground. "...Can I at least watch?" "Oh my fucking God." "You won't even know I'm there." "Go away!" > HiE RPG > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to Human in Equestria, the world’s first My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Role-Playing Game. Before we begin, you need to choose what type of class you’d like your character to be. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses, so think carefully before you decide. Soldier + 5% chance to spawn with a weapon + Highest overall base stats in the game + Starts with more combat abilities - Mild to severe PTSD - Entire identity revolves around being a soldier - Seriously, the only character trait you’ll have access to is “soldier.” Not kind, not curious, not shy. Just soldier. That’s it. Scientist + Starts with an array of useful technology + Highest base Intelligence in the game + Learns new skills 10% faster - 15% weaker to magic - Permanent debuff that causes you to obsessively overanalyze the most mundane things in order to prove to other players how smart you are - Nerd Charmer + 50% bonus to Seduction - That’s the whole character Edgyboi + Comes fully equipped with all the tools needed to fulfill your power fantasy + Suffers no penalty for negative actions + 100% chance to gain sympathy from NPCs when using Sob Story - Higher suicide attempt rate, never actually succeeds - Beyond unlikable out of game, you will get bullied in real life for using this class if anyone finds out - Edgy Self-insert + Is exactly like you - Is exactly like you Anonymous (We don’t know how this got into the game. We’ve tried removing it, but it keeps coming back.) + Apparently immortal - Lowest base Intelligence in the game - Please don’t use this class > Stepmother Goose > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey diddle diddle You can’t play the fiddle  But somehow you romanced the Moon  That very same night  Much to Luna’s delight  You offered to be the big spoon  Nonny wonny, pudding and pie Met the Apple of his eye When she told him she was gay He said threesomes were okay  Hickory, dickory, dock The mare needed a cock The cock was bad The mare was sad Hickory, dickory, dock Nonny wonny sat on a wall  Nonny wonny drank alcohol  All the gay magic and all the gay pone  Couldn’t keep Nonny from feeling alone    Ponk be nimble Ponk be quick Ponk jump right up on this dick  One, two, dream about blue  Three, four, booty galore  Five, six, settle for Trix Seven, eight, impregnate  Nine, ten, do it again  Glimmer is red  Rainbow is blue Why even live Without your waifu Little Miss Fuck-it Sat on a bucket Watching Anon with one eye Along came a spider Anon came inside her Miss Fuck-it now wanted to die Anon the Shitposter He bathed with his toaster  To horsepussy, this was the way But instead of a hearse He awoke to a curse Now Anon the Shitposter is gay