G.I. Joe makes first contact with the ponies. But is it a herald of good times to come, or bad?
(NOTE: THIS IS NOT, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, A CONVERSION BUREAU STORY. THIS WILL NOT TURN INTO A CONVERSION BUREAU STORY. EVER. THIS IS A NORMAL CROSSOVER.)
At the G.I. Joe Nevada headquarters, a strange portal opens, revealing an alien ambassador by the name of Sunset Shimmer. She seems friendly enough, and claims that she's only there to extend the friendship of her kind to other worlds. The question remains, are these Equestrians really as friendly as they seem? Or are they up to something else?
For that matter, how will the rest of the world react to them?
Friendship Is G.I. Chapter 1: Donuts? By Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires
All characters copyrighted to their original owners. If you like my work, please support me on Patreon!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ A facility in Nevada... Evening... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
In the motor pool of the military base, two young men in green uniforms were conversing. One had light blonde hair and was visibly bored. The other, slightly darker skinned man, had black hair and was keeping a careful watch into the desert.
“Guard duty is so boring...” the first young man muttered.
“Shaddup, will you?” the second young man said. “We got a job to do.”
The first young man shook his head. “What job? This base is so off the grid it's invisible.”
“You never know,” the second young man said. “Something may happen.”
The first young man sneered. “How? I talked to Mainframe. This place is radio shielded, has motion, heat, and genetic detectors for miles around, and is satellite shielded.”
“Nothing's perfect,” the second young man said. “I've BEEN in a Cobra attack. You haven't. We can't afford to be complacent.”
“Bro, seriously...” the first young man said. “We've got protections up the wazoo. Ain't no one gonna find this place.”
“You want to slack off, that's your business,” the second young man said. “Now shut up.”
The first young man shook his head, idly leaning up against a support column. “Seriously. If ANYTHING of interest happens on our shift, I will eat my underwear, skidmark first.”
“That's gross, dude,” the second young man said, grimacing.
And then something of interest happened.
Before the two soldiers' eyes, a glowing portal opened. Colorful energies swirled around, creating a gateway. Startled, two soldiers sought cover from behind a jeep.
“...I'd make fun of you, but I'm freaked out as you are right now,” the second young man said, taking aim with his rifle.
“Shaddup,” the first young man said, taking aim as well.
The portal flared, and a figure walked out. To the surprise of the two soldiers, it looked like a colorful miniature horse.
She was the size of a pit bull, a yellow equine with a blonde-streaked mane and tail. She had wide eyes, and her muzzle was short, giving her an almost human-like expression. She wore a golden peytral with a small red gem on it, and on her flanks were a pair of images in the shape of stylized suns. She had large wings on her side, as well as a horn on her head, which glowed with a strange light. Hovering nearby, surrounded by the same light as around her horn, was a large white box.
“Is that... a pony of some kind?” the first young man asked.
The second young man just shook his head, confused.
The pony turned at the sound of their voices. The two men ducked further behind the jeep, keeping their guns trained on the pony. She smiled at them, the floating box hovering forward.
The second young man was the first to get it. “She's controlling the box...”
“PUT IT DOWN!” shouted the first young man.
The pony seemed to understand, nodding. The box lowered to the ground, the pony stepping slightly back towards the portal and sitting down. Slowly, cautiously, the two soldiers slowly came out from behind the jeep, keeping their weapons trained on the horned, winged pony, who just smiled pleasantly.
“What do you think it is?” the first young man said. “Maybe a weapon?”
The second young man stared at the pony, who just sat there with a smile on her face. “I think... I think it's a gift...”
“What!?” the first young man said.
“Look at it. It hasn't made anything even remotely resembling a hostile move since it's been here. I think... Davis, I think we're in a first contact situation,” the second young man said.
“Matt, are you serious?” Davis asked incredulously.
“I'm... I'm gonna open the box,” Matt said.
“Matt...” Davis started, worried.
“Just... just trust me, okay?” Matt said, slowly setting down his rifle, keeping a close eye on the pony by the portal. It watched him just as closely as he moved over to the box and slowly opened it. He looked inside... and blinked. “It's donuts,” he said.
“What the hell?!” Davis said, looking into the box. Indeed, there was a dozen donuts in there. Chocolate covered glazed donuts, donuts with sprinkles, donuts filled with fruit, an apple fritter, a cinnamon roll covered in glaze. Davis looked up, giving the pony a confused look. The pony smiled again. Davis shook his head, and was about to ask Matt something, when he saw him reaching for one of the donuts. “Whoa, hey, what are you doing?”
“I'm gonna try one,” Matt said.
“You don't know if those things are poisoned or not!!” Davis said, grabbing Matt's arm as he reached for a donut. “Lemme go get Lifeline, or Doc or somebody!”
“If this is a first contact, I don't think she'd be trying to poison us,” Matt said, scowling at Davis.
“Even if she's not trying to poison us,” Davis said, thinking fast, “it may contain stuff that's harmful to humans! She may hurt you accidentally if you eat one!”
Matt frowned. He hadn't thought of that. “You're right...” he said. “Take the donuts to Lifeline. I'll stay here with the alien.”
Davis frowned. “Okay, just... be careful, all right?” Davis said, picking up the donut box.
“I will,” Matt said.
The pony's ears went back, a confused look appearing on her face.
Matt and Davis frowned at each other, not sure of what to do. After a moment, Matt said, “It's okay. He's just going to make sure they're safe to eat. Okay? Do you understand?”
The pony looked thoughtful for a moment, and nodded. Matt smiled. “Do you understand what I'm saying?”
“Not all,” the pony said. “Translation not done yet.”
Davis went wide-eyed. “You... you speak our language?”
The pony smiled. “Some,” she said, tapping the gem. She said a word they didn't understand, continuing with, “need hear more your language. Talk with me?”
Matt nodded. “Sure,” he said. He tapped his chest, and said, “I am Matthew.” He tapped Davis's chest, and said, “He is Davis.”
The pony smiled, tapping her own chest, her foreleg bending at what should have been an impossible angle for a normal pony. “Sunset Shimmer. Can we be friends?” she asked.
“Yes,” Matt said, smiling. “We can be friends.”
Davis just shivered, walking off with the donuts. He found a medlab, finding one of the team physicians there.
He was always in awe of what most in his particular unit called the 'named officers.' Soldiers that had special callsigns, showing that they were highly talented specialists. Lifeline was no different. The young officer was one of the most talented medics in the service, and maintained a pacifistic stance despite everything.
Right now, the young man with the dark hair was busily working at a blood sample. He looked up, seeing Davis there, and smiled. “Private Davis, right?”
Davis nodded. “Yes sir,” he said. “I...”
Lifeline sniffed the air. “What is that? It smells fantastic!” he said, getting up and going over to the box and opening. “Donuts! Fantastic, I was getting hungry.” He started to take one, when Davis stopped.
“Nowaitstop!” Davis said quickly. “I... I need these analyzed to see if they're dangerous, or poisoned or something...”
Lifeline blinked. “Why?” he asked.
Davis struggled to find an explanation that wouldn't sound insane. “Because... Because...”
“Because just a few minutes ago, at 0300 hours, a portal opened in the motorpool he and his partner were guarding. From that portal an alien lifeform in the shape of a winged, horned pony appeared, bearing these donuts as a gift,” said a voice from behind Davis. He whirled, and gasped, seeing Duke, the legendary field commander of G.I. Joe, standing there in full combat gear.
“Y-you knew, sir?” Davis stammered.
Duke chuckled, running a hand through his short blonde hair. “That portal put out a lot of energy, private. There's no way would could NOT have noticed. Snake-Eyes is in there now, keeping an eye on the situation.”
Lifeline frowned. “Seriously? An alien?” His frown turned into a scowl. “And your first instinct was to have its gift tested?”
“Uh...” Davis stammered.
“Private Davis raised a good point, from what we saw on the security monitors,” Duke said. “Even if given in friendship, as this Sunset Shimmer claims she wanted... well, we're guessing it's a she at this point, from the voice... even if it's a legit gift, it might contain elements harmful to humans. There's no harm in checking it out.”
Lifeline frowned, but nodded. “That's fair,” he said, searching through the lab. “I think Mainframe has a chemical analyzer in here... ah, there we go.” He pulled out a device vaguely resembling a microwave. He put one of the filled donuts into it, and activated the device.
Duke, Lifeline, and Davis watched as the device analyzed the donut. The scan stopped surprisingly quick, showing a ninety-percent match to known Earth ingredients.
“Huh... Flora similar to Earth, maybe?” Duke said.
Lifeline took out the donut, and stared at it thoughtfully. And then he took a bite. His face immediately lit up. “Whatever the case, this is fantastic! There's real fruit filling in this, and it's glorious.”
Duke and Davis traded surprised looks. Duke grabbed the cinnamon roll, while Davis took one of the sprinkle-laden donuts. Immediately, smiles appeared on their faces.
“Apparently, pastries are a universal language,” he said. “Let's go talk to her.”
Davis nodded. Lifeline, finishing off his donut, grinned excitedly. “I've always wondered if there was any life out there...” he said. “C'mon, private!”
Davis nodded, grabbing the box of donuts as he, Duke, and Lifeline went to the motor pool. Several others, both soldiers and named officers, had gathered outside of the door. Several looked worried, some suspicious. Others were simply curious.
A tall, bald-headed, dark-skinned man in a green camo muscle shirt stopped Lifeline before they entered. “What do you make of this, Lifeline?”
“I'm about to find out, Roadblock,” he said. He gave the big man the apple fritter. “They seem friendly, though. Brought donuts with them.”
Roadblock frowned. “They safe to eat?”
“Seem to be,” Lifeline said. “I've already eaten one.”
Roadblock gave the fritter a suspicious look... and took a bite. “Mmmm!” he said, taking another, bigger bite. “That's fantastic!”
This brought up another discussion. Lifeline, inspired, left the box with the troops, who passed them out amongst each other. Davis, Duke, and Lifeline entered the room, where Sunset Shimmer was talking animatedly with Matt.
“Private Conner?” Duke said.
Matt meeped, surprised, and stood up, saluting. “Sergeant Hauser, sir!” he said. “I have been talking with the visitor.”
“So noted,” he said. “She speaks English? And...”
“And yes, I'm a she,” Sunset said, smiling.
“Ah,” Duke said. “You do speak our language.”
Sunset nodded. “One of them, at any rate,” she said. “My translator crystal noticed several dialects indicative of other languages.” She pointed to the crystal on her peytral with her hoof.
Duke nodded. “We do have many languages on this planet,” he said, sitting down in front of her, “although English is the most commonly spoken one at our base.”
Sunset nodded. “A military base, then? I won't ask where specifically on the planet it is,” she said. “We have similar facilities, and understand the need to keep them hidden.”
Duke nodded, noting to himself that they did have military-esque facilities. “I respect that, thank you. My name is Sergeant Conrad Hauser, although I generally go by my callsign, Duke. I'm the field leader for our unit, a specialized counter-terrorist force called G.I. Joe. With me is one of our team's medics.”
“You can call me Lifeline,” Lifeline said, grinning. “Thank you for the donuts. They were delicious.”
“I'm glad,” Sunset said, smiling. “I had my doubts, but one of my friends said that delicious food is pretty much universal.”
Duke nodded. “It's interesting... we did a quick analysis of the donuts, to see if they were safe for us to eat. They were, although it was astonishing how similar the ingredients were to those we have on Earth.”
Sunset nodded. “I noticed you used the exact same name for them we do as well, which is puzzling...” she said. “Anyway. If all goes well, we can look into that later. My name is Sunset Shimmer. I'm the royal ambassador for the principality of Equestria, and chosen representative for the planet Mythos in this dimensional first contact effort.”
“A pleasure to meet you,” Duke said, nodding.
“Would your friend who's been hiding in the shadows like to introduce himself?” Sunset asked, startling Duke.
“You knew he was there...” Duke said.
Sunset nodded. “I saw a motion in the shadows as I was talking to Matt, and cast a detection spell. Your friend has been hiding in the darkness near that armored vehicle. He's very good, I couldn't see him with the naked eye. I assume he's a stealth operative, meant to keep an eye on me in case I became hostile?”
Duke frowned, and gestured. Some of the shadows seemed to move, stepping out of the darkness, revealing a man clad head to toe in black combat gear. “Hnh,” Duke said. “You're very savvy.”
Sunset smiled humorlessly. “It's what I'd do in a similar situation,” she said, turning to Snake-Eyes. “It's a pleasure to meet you. Sorry to break your cover, mister...”
“Snake-Eyes,” Duke said. “He lost the ability to talk in an accident on a mission years ago. He's mute, but knows sign language.”
Sunset blinked. “Sign-language?”
Duke nodded, and did the sign-language versions of each word he spoke next. “Yeah. It's a system developed so that those without a voice can...”
Sunset seemed to understand. “Ah, gesture speak,” she said. “I don't know it myself, a failing on my part, but I know of it.”
Duke nodded. “Miss Shimmer...”
“Sunset,” the pony insisted, smiling.
Duke nodded. “Sunset, then... Why are you here?”
“Exploration,” Sunset said. “Our world is governed by a philosophy of 'Friendship First.' We've avoided a number of wars by simply working to befriend those that would be our enemies. It hasn't always worked, but all the species of our world believe in it. When we discovered the ability to travel between worlds via portal, we decided to share our friendship with others, and learn about new cultures.”
Duke nodded. “So just exploration, then?”
Sunset sighed. “Well, there's the usual plethora of tradestallions and businessponies who want to make money off of exploring other worlds, but they're not the real reason behind the trip.” She smiled. “We want to learn, to explore. Above all, we want to make new friends.”
Duke smiled. He couldn't help it. She just seemed so earnest. “An admirable goal, Sunset.”
A voice called out from the other side of the portal. Sunset nodded. “I have to go, Duke,” she said.
Duke blinked. “Really? Why?”
Sunset smiled sadly. “This was a test run, to see if continued visits to this world would be worth it. And I think... yeah, I think they are. The portal was only given enough charge to be held open for a short time.”
Duke nodded. “We'll be seeing you again?” he asked.
Sunset nodded, heading back into the portal. “It'll be a couple days,” she said, “and hopefully during the day.”
“We'll have a better welcome for you then,” Duke said, smiling.
Sunset grinned. “May Harmony forever be your guide,” she said, stepping back through the portal, which closed behind her.
Duke looked thoughtful for a moment, and stood up. “Thoughts? Private Conner, you talked with her the longest.”
Matt smiled. “She's really nice,” he said. “And a good listener. She didn't give much intel, just said a few things about herself.”
Duke looked interested. “Such as...?”
“She called this mission... a penance, of sorts,” Matt said. “She seemed really sad when she said it.”
Lifeline was staring at where the portal was. “She mentioned a detection 'spell...' could she be talking about magic?”
“Maybe,” Duke said, surprising Davis.
“You believe in magic, sir?” he asked.
Duke smirked. “You'd be surprised at some of what Cobra's done over the years.”
Snake-Eyes made a few quick gestures. “She didn't lie, I could tell,” he 'said.' “But she was holding back a lot. I think she has military experience.”
Duke sighed, rubbing his temples. “Hnh... Well, it's a start. Scarlet and General Hawk will want to know about this...” He took a deep breath, and gave everyone a stern look. “For now, this doesn't leave the base. Until we get a handle on this situation with Sunset Shimmer's people, no one is to mention anything about aliens unless you're talking about a video game or movie. Punishment WILL be severe if you do,” he said, loud enough so the people in the hall could hear him. “Got it?”
There was some muttering from the hall. “GOT IT?!” Duke snapped.
“SIR, YES SIR!” the crowd shouted, saluting.
Duke nodded, satisfied. “Good. Get some rest, people. We've got another visit to prepare for. Davis, Conner, you want in on this still?”
Matt nodded. “Yes sir,” he said.
Davis shook his head. “I'd... rather not, sir. I was never a fan of scifi stuff.”
Duke quirked an amused eyebrow. “Then why'd you join us?” he said. That got some chuckles from the troops that were still there. “Get some rest, soldiers. We'll discuss it more in the morning.”
Everyone trailed off, leaving only Duke and Snake-Eyes left.
“You still have doubts,” Snake-Eyes gestured.
Duke nodded. “I'm uneasy about this whole thing,” he said. “I'm hoping her people have no malicious intent, or that this isn't just one of Cobra's zanier schemes, but we have to consider every option.”
Snake-Eyes looked at the place the portal was. “We'll just have to play this by ear,” he gestured. “And hope for the best.”
Duke sighed. “True. All we can do at this point...”
Friendship is G.I. By Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires Chapter 2: Need to Know
All characters copyrighted to their original owners. If you like my work, please support me on Patreon!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ G.I. Joe base... CO's Office... The next day... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
An older man in a brown jacket and a dark green helmet with goggles on it sat at the desk. A frustrated expression was on his face. “What do we know so far?” he asked.
“General Hawk,” said a man in a bright yellow and green hazmat suit. “The area where the portal appeared is not contaminated with any sort of energy. The most that's happened there is that... well, for lack of a better term, there's a 'burnt ozone' smell.”
“That's good to know, Airtight...” General Hawk said. He turned to Lifeline, the red-clad medic leaning against a wall. “Lifeline. What about the donuts? How's everyone who ate them doing?”
The medic shrugged. “No negative effects. The ones that did eat them are kinda hoping they bring more. I am too, those were some GOOD donuts.”
General Hawk frowned. “That's good, I suppose,” he said. He turned to a man in a green uniform with a silver-highlighted helmet and black visor. “Sci-Fi? What about the energies of the portal itself?”
“Not any recognizable form of energy field,” he said. “Mainframe and I have been studying the readings on it for hours... we don't know what to make of it. The energy seems almost alive somehow.”
General Hawk frowned. “I don't like unknowns...” He turned to a lightly armored man in green wearing a headset. “Psyche-Out? Could this be a Cobra trick?”
The psychological warfare specialist shook his head. “I don't think so. Cobra Commander does know how to be subtle, but he hates ridiculously cute things. That Sunset Shimmer was like a living plush toy. Even if the rest of his officers kept him locked up, he couldn't stand working with someone or something that adorable for long.”
“What about a possible front for an alien invasion, then?” General Hawk asked.
“It's always a possibility,” Pysche-Out said. “From what I saw of Sunset, I got the feeling that she at least believed she was telling the truth that her mission was passive. If nothing else, she was completely cooperative.”
General Hawk grunted noncommittally.
“There's something else to consider, sir,” said a woman in a yellow leotard with gray leggings and sleeves.
“What's that, Scarlet?” General Hawk asked.
“That we may have an honest-to-God First Contact situation on our hands,” Scarlet said. “With a species who's first instinct was to offer tasty baked goods as a gesture of friendship. We have to take this chance, sir. If it works out, then our unit will be the first people to befriend an alien species. The opportunities in that are astronomical.”
“And if it turns out to be an invasion?” General Hawk said.
“Then we fight,” Scarlet said. “And win. We defend the Earth, like we defend our nation against Cobra.”
The other troopers in the room all agreed, grinning at Scarlet's remarks. General Hawk sighed. “...Fine. We'll take the chance. First thing, we're operating on a need-to-know basis. Nobody contacts ANYONE outside the base, especially anyone in government, until we're certain what's what with these... ponies.”
“Understood, sir,” the soldiers said.
“Secondly, we'll need a greeting party for when the ponies return... Suggestions?” General Hawk said.
“I suggest sending Duke and Lifeline again, as well as the private who Sunset talked to before,” Psyche-Out said. “Someone Sunset is familiar with would be more comfortable, should she be in the return party.”
“I'm fine with that,” Lifeline said. “I'd also like to bring along Mainframe, to try and get an idea of their technology.”
“Lady Jaye,” Scarlet said. “She tends to be a bit more personable than I am. She can serve as the intelligence angle for the greeting team.”
“Bazooka,” Psyche-Out said. “He's a bit on the slow side, and a grump, but he's friendly and overall likeable.”
“I have a dumb suggestion,” Airtight said. “Shipwreck.”
“...You're right, that is a dumb suggestion,” General Hawk said, his eyes narrowing. “What's your reasoning behind it, soldier?”
Airtight sighed, fiddling with the helmet he held in his hands. “Look, you're sending a lot of friendly, but uptight and diplomatic people. Shipwreck's an asshole, but he's not STUPID. He's snarky, but he'll come off as a bit more realistic than having Duke and Lady Jaye be diplomats at him. I've seen him and Roadblock play off each other well, and goodness knows a good joke can relieve the tension.”
“Depends on whether or not you find Shipwreck funny,” Scarlet muttered.
“He has a point, though,” Psyche-Out said. “Shipwreck tends to be very relaxed in tense situations that don't involve shooting.”
General Hawk sighed. “I have my reservations, but... Okay. That'll be the team to greet our guests when the Equestrians show up again.”
“I'm assuming that we want to keep some areas off-limits to our visitors?” Scarlet asked.
General Hawk nodded. “No scientific areas beyond general medlab and research areas, at least until we're sure they can be trusted completely. I make the final call on that. Hide all maps as well, and don't let them into any strategic rooms. The motorpool, shooting ranges, recreation areas, those are all acceptable. Understood?”
“Sir, yes sir,” the soldiers chorused.
“Good,” General Hawk said. “Dismissed. Get ready for tomorrow.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ The next day... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“I think I saw a pink pony one time,” Shipwreck said, the sailor leaning up against a jeep. “'Course, I was drinking...”
“Yes, that's very helpful, Shipwreck,” Duke said, sighing.
Mainframe grinned, the white-shirted technician setting up a device to study the portal energy. “Honestly, I'm excited! Who knows what we can learn from a new species?”
Lady Jaye chuckled. “Someone's enthusiastic,” the green-shirted, brown-haired woman said.
“I AM MEETING ALIENS,” Mainframe said. “I've dreamed about this since I was a kid!”
Roadblock grinned, the large, dark-skinned man sitting in a nearby chair. “Me, I'm hopin' to try more of their food. I'm wanting to see if they have other cuisine that's close to ours. Plus try any alien food as well.”
“Hope you don't mind eating hayburgers,” Shipwreck teased.
“C'mon,” Roadblock said, scoffing.
“They're ponies. Ponies are tiny horses and horses eat hay,” Shipwreck said.
Roadblock smirked right back. “I'll take that bet,” he said.
Bazooka, meanwhile, was chatting quietly with Lifeline. “I wonder if they'll be cute,” he said. “I missed seeing that first one last night, 'cause I was asleep.”
Lifeline chuckled. “You're the only one I know who could sleep through a moment that tremendous, Bazooka...”
Bazooka grumped. “It's annoying. I don't like missing out on cool things,” he said. He turned to Private Matt Conner, who was clearly feeling way out of his element. “You holdin' up there?”
Matt nodded nervously. “Just... not used to hanging around so many of the 'big names' all at once,” he said.
Shipwreck patted him on the shoulder. “Don't worry about it, kid,” he said. “We're all just like you in the end, regular guys. And gal, in Jaye's case. We've just been around long enough to get the cool codenames and shit. Otherwise, we're all a bunch of regular... aheh, regular joes.” He smirked at Duke, and added, “Except for Duke, who has a stick up his ass.”
“And Shipwreck, who constantly has his foot in his mouth,” Duke quipped right back.
“I'll have you know that Navy bootleather is among the tastiest in the world,” Shipwreck responded, everyone laughing. Private Conner grinned, feeling more relaxed.
“Whuh-oh,” Mainframe said, the instruments on his device starting to activate. The portal was forming again, everyone standing at the ready.
The portal itself was wider this time, and seemingly more stable. It formed more quickly, and was stable enough to show the other side of the gate.
The soldiers stared in awe at what seemed to be an idyllic fantasy castle on the other side of the gate. Surrounding it were ponies of various colors and shapes. Some with wings, some with horns, some with neither... and two with both. Eight figures approached the gate, stepping through it, all of them equipped with peytrals like the one Sunset wore the first time.
Sunset Shimmer was among them, smiling warmly when she saw Private Conner. Accompanying her was a slightly taller winged unicorn, one with purple fur, and a dark, pink-streaked mane, a star design in the fur on her sides. Flanking the purple winged unicorn was a small, reptillian creature with purple scales and green spines. On its back were vestigial wings, and in one hand he carried a comic book. The other ponies in the group included an orange, hornless and wingless pony with three apples on her sides, a large sack tied to a saddle she wore. She wore a cowboy hat in addition to her translation peytral, a sprig of straw in her mouth. Next to her, wearing a fashionable purple vest, was an elegant-looking white-furred unicorn with an elegantly curling mane and tail, three diamonds on her sides. Her horn was glowing, and she carried a box with her. Literally bouncing next to the reptile was a bright pink wingless and hornless pony with balloons on her sides, some balloons tied to her back, and a bright smile on her face. She was looking around excitedly. Almost unnoticeable was a shy, yellow pegasus with a beautiful pink mane and tail, butterflies on her side. She was extremely nervous-looking, and had an expression on her face that clearly said 'Why am I here?' Flying above them all was a blue pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane and tail, her mane in a tomboyish cut. A smirk was on her face, a cloud with a rainbow-colored lightning bolt on her flanks.
“The motor pool again,” the purple winged unicorn said. “Well, I suppose this will be our official arrival point.”
“We couldn't get it to appear anywhere else?” Sunset asked.
“Apparently not,” the purple winged unicorn said. “Oh, I hope the portal isn't in anypony's way.”
Duke coughed, smiling.
The purple winged unicorn blinked, and looked up, smiling. “Oh! Hello there!” she said.
Duke nodded, saluting. “It's an honor to receive you,” he said. “I'm Sergeant Conrad Hauser, field leader for our unit. Although I go by my callsign. Duke.”
“Those of us that have them prefer to go by our codenames,” Lady Jaye said. “I'm Lady Jaye. You've already met Private Conner.”
“Hi Sunset,” the young soldier said, grinning. Sunset smiled back.
“...You're fuzzy,” Bazooka said after a long moment.
“Ain't he great, folks? He'll be here all week,” Shipwreck said, patting Bazooka on the head. Bazooka glared at him. Shipwreck ignored him, and continued. “Anyway, Mr. Articulate here is Bazooka. I'm Shipwreck.”
Mainframe was looking back and forth between the portal and his instruments. “Forgive me for dividing my attention, but the readings on your portal are amazing. I've never seen energy signatures like this before. The name's Mainframe. I'm one of the base's technicians”
“Hey, Twilight,” the rainbow-maned pegasus said, poking the purple winged unicorn. “I found you a nerd friend.”
“Hush,” Twilight said, the rainbow-maned pegasus snickering.
Lifeline smiled. “It's... it's so very amazing to meet you all,” the medic said. “I hope our meeting will be a peaceful one. I'm Lifeline, one of the team doctors.” Fluttershy perked up at the mention of Lifeline's job.
Roadblock stepped forward, grinning amiably. “You really impressed me with those donuts. I hope you're willing to make some more,” he said. “I'm Roadblock. When I'm not shooting heavy machine guns, I'm a gourmet chef.”
The fancy unicorn looked interest. “Really now. When I heard that we were heading to a military base, I was preparing myself for 'army chow.'”
Roadblock scoffed. “Ma'am, I do not make 'chow.' I make 'cuisine,'” he said.
“Yeah, I can't tease him about that one,” Shipwreck said. “Most of us couldn't live without Roadblock's cooking at least once a week.”
The fancy unicorn grinned. “I look forward to it, then.”
Twilight smiled. “My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. I am the Princess of Friendship. You've already met Ambassador Sunset Shimmer.”
“A pleasure, as before,” Sunset said, bowing.
The pony wearing the cowboy hat stepped forward. “The name's Applejack,” she said, removing the sack from her saddle. “As a way of sayin' hello, I brought some treats and apples from my own farm. Apples, apple fritters, an apple pie...”
“Pie!” Bazooka said happily, moving to take the bag.
“It certainly smells good,” Lady Jaye said. The Joes helped themselves to the various snacks, Lady Jaye, Lifeline, and Duke taking apples, while Mainframe, Roadblock, Private Conner, and Shipwreck took fritters. Bazooka grinned as he took out the pie, but then he noticed a jar filled with a rainbow substance, a spoon taped to it.
“Whuzzis?” he said, removing it.
“That,” Applejack said proudly, “is an Apple family exclusive. Y'can't get that anywhere else. It's Zap Apple Jam.”
“Zap Apple Jam?” Shipwreck said, picking up the jar and opening it. There was a slight smell of ozone, like the air before a storm, in addition to the smell of fresh apple jam.
“It's a plant native to our world,” Twilight said. “Zap Apples are actually capable of channeling electricity through them! It helps keeps parasites off of the trees, and it gives them their distinctive rainbow coloring.”
“Huh...” Shipwreck said, shrugging and removing the spoon. “Well, nothing ventured.” He scooped a spoonful of the jam and ate it. And then he froze, staring ahead blankly.
The Joes all traded worried looks. “Uh... Shipwreck?”
“Everything is wonderful. All of you are wonderful. I love you all,” Shipwreck said dreamily.
“Are... are you okay?” Duke asked, coming over to the sailor.
“THIS STUFF IS THE BEST STUFF,” Shipwreck said, scooping a spoonful of the jam into Duke's mouth before he could protest.
Duke blinked. “...This is the best jam I've ever had in my life,” he said.
The Joes passed the jar around, all of them greatly enjoying the jam. Applejack smiled proudly.
The fancy unicorn came forward. “Well, it seems we've made a good first impression,” she said. “My name is Rarity. I own and run the Carousel Boutique fashion studios,” she said.
“A pleasure, ma'am,” Lady Jaye said. “Did you make that vest, then? It looks good on you.”
Rarity beamed. “Thank you, darling! I wanted to wear something for the occasion,” she said. “And I too have a gift, although I only brought the one. And it clashes a little with your outfits, I'm afraid.” She opened the box she brought, levitating out a very well made purple scarf, a line of diamonds at either end.
“Oh wow...” Lady Jaye said, her eyes sparkling. At the prompting, Rarity smirked and levitated it around her neck. “It's beautiful... Are these real diamonds?”
“Indeed,” Rarity said. “It's nothing much...”
Mainframe went over to look at the scarf. “Wow... The diamonds are actually stitched INTO the fabric... This must have been very expensive.”
Rarity shrugged. “Not really. I have several more of that size at home,” she said.
The Joes all looked at her, surprised.
“...I take it diamonds aren't as plentiful on your world?” Rarity asked.
“To say the least...” Duke said softly. He smiled again, and said, “It's a lovely present. We're grateful.”
“And I do have an outfit to go with this,” Lady Jaye said.
“I'd love to see it, if you're willing,” Rarity said. “I am most curious about the fashions of this world.”
Before anyone else could react, the pink pony was bouncing around, seemingly teleporting, flinging confetti everywhere. And to the Joes amazement, she was singing.
“It's a pleasure to be here,
Meeting new friends!
A brand new fun story,
Let's see where it ends!
From Equestria we come,
Bringing love and friendship too!
I'm happy to be here,
So glad I met you!”
She ended her song by giving a hug to Bazooka, who just stared, confused. Mainframe blinked, still trying to follow Pinkie Pie's appearance pattern. “...How?”
Twilight sighed. “As a fellow scientist, let me give you some advice – don't bother. Pinkie Pie works on a level I can't even begin to understand. And trying nearly gave me an aneurysm.”
Mainframe stared for a moment, and then shook his head. “We have to talk later.”
“She's still touching me...” Bazooka said.
Pinkie Pie, in a rare moment of getting the hint, vanished again and instantly reappeared sitting next to Shipwreck.
“Hi!” she chirped. “I'm Pinkie Pie! I made the treats from last time! I hope you enjoyed.”
Roadblock, still stunned at the sudden musical number, managed to smile. “Y-Yeah. They were pretty good.”
“Yaaay! I'm so glad you liked them!” she chirped. “I work at Sugar Cube Corner, a bakery! It's run by Mr. Cake and Mrs. Cake! They're great! I also babysit for their kids, Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake. And I also do musical numbers and Mmmrmrmrmmmrrrm...” Pinkie Pie was suddenly muffled, an irritated Sunset levitating her back to join the group.
“Thank you, Pinkie, I think they've had enough for now,” Sunset said.
“It's fine...” Duke said, looking around at the confetti. “I'm sure she means well.”
Twilight smiled, and gestured to the little lizard next to her. “This is Spike, my number one assistant, my little brother by adoption, and one of my best friends.”
“Hi!” Spike said. “Betcha never met a dragon before, huh?” He offered to shake hands with Private Conner.
“You... You're a dragon?” Private Conner said, accepting the handshake.
Spike nodded. “A young one, but yeah,” he said. “My wings only just started coming in.” He handed over the comic book he was holding. “Here ya go! It's a rare edition Power Ponies comic!” he said. “I know you can't read it, 'cause everything's written in Equestrian, but I can tell you who's who later.”
Private Conner grinned, looking over the comic. In it, several mares in colorful costumes fought against a team of supervillains, including one that looked like a living mummy, a living shadow, and the apparent leader, a mare with a living mane. “This so cool.”
The rainbow-maned pegasus flew up to Duke, saluting. “I'm Staff Sergeant Rainbow Dash,” she said. “Wonderbolts Air Corps.”
Duke saluted back. “Impressive. A pegasus air force?”
Rainbow Dash nodded. “Best in the world,” she said, smirking and adding, “so it's natural they'd want the fastest flier in the world on their team.”
Mainframe looked interested. “What's the fastest you've gone?”
“Mach five,” she said. "Mach TEN after a Sonic Rainboom, my trademark move."
Mainframe looked startled. “In a vehicle or by yourself?”
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “By myself, obviously,” she said. The Joes all looked stunned.
“That... that shouldn't be physically possible,” Mainframe said, staring.
“And yet, she manages it,” Sunset said.
“I am suddenly very interested in pony medical science,” Lifeline said, astonished.
Sunset giggled. “It may be more difficult to do here, though...”
“Ah, so you've noticed it too...” Twilight said.
“What do you mean?” Bazooka asked.
“Well, it's your world's magical aura,” Twilight said. “It's very stagnant, as if it hasn't been used in years. Do you have any schools of sorcery here?”
The Joes all traded confused looks. “...Your highness,” Lady Jaye said, “magic was, ages ago, discredited for the most part. The only ones who use it now are generally not nice people.”
Twilight frowned. “Why not just teach it? Fight back against those who'd misuse it?”
“Because religion,” Shipwreck said. “Priests with teeny weenies ages ago decided that anything that made them look weak was evil. So they started accusing everyone who disagreed with them of being devil worshippers, and... what?” Every Joe in the room was glaring at Shipwreck. “None of you can deny it. There's a reason I'm an atheist nowadays.”
Duke shook his head, irritated. “He's... not entirely wrong. Many of those in power, ages ago, demonized magic users. And while most priests aren't like that nowadays, there are many who still hold those same beliefs. And there are scientists who refuse to believe in the existence of magic.”
“We've seen... interesting things in our careers, so we're a bit more open-minded. But the way you're talking, it seems like magic is a primary component of your lives in your world,” Mainframe said.
Twilight nodded. “I'm surprised it isn't in your world,” she said. “The fact that there are stallions and mares of science who refuse to acknowledge one of the fundamental forces of nature... It's distressing.”
Bazooka, in the meantime, had lost interest in the conversation when the science-talk started and was focusing on eating the pie. There was a shuffling sound near the ponies. The yellow pegasus was slowly backing away, heading towards the portal.
Lady Jaye knelt down and smiled. “Miss? You don't have to be frightened of us...”
“This is Fluttershy,” Twilight said. “She's an animal caretaker in our world. She's... not really good with new experiences, I'm afraid.”
“Then why bring her?” Shipwreck said, frowning.
“We're... kind of a team,” Applejack said. “It's better for us to stick together.”
“I was outvoted...” Fluttershy said quietly.
“I'm sorry?” Duke said, kneeling down and smiling as well. “I didn't quite catch that.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath to muster up her courage, and pointed to the sidearms Duke and Lady Jaye were carrying.
“Those are weapons...” she said. “I don't know what those are, but I can tell they're weapons.”
“We won't use them on you, I promise,” Lady Jaye said, Duke nodding in agreement.
Bazooka, sensing the tension, thought for a moment and held out the pie. “Want to share?” he said.
Roadblock came up to her, gently holding out a hand. “We won't hurt you, sweet thing. I swear it. Anyone who tries, they gotta get past ol' Roadblock,” he said, pointing to himself.
Fluttershy looked into Roadblock's eyes, seeing the gentleness there despite how big and looming the man was, and smiled, placing her hoof in his hand. She still was a bit nervous, though.
“Hnh...” Shipwreck said. “Animal lover, eh? Should'a brought along Spirit.”
“Who?” Sunset asked.
“He's one of the best trackers on the team,” Private Conner said. “He's amazing! Always so calm, and spiritual... and he's got this amazing pet eagle!”
Fluttershy blinked. “Pets? You have pets?”
Shipwreck nodded. “Yeah, bunch of us do. Spirit's eagle is called Freedom. Snake-Eyes, he's a got this semi-domesticated wolf he calls Timber. There's the dog handlers, Mutt and Law, and their pets, Junkyard and Order. I got a parrot, but he's a pain in the neck so I didn't bring him along...”
Fluttershy brightened. “I like pets...” she said softly.
Duke smiled. “Well. It seems we've all made a good first impression on each other,” he said.
Twilight smiled. “I certainly hope so,” she said.
“Would you like a tour of the base?” Lady Jaye asked. “There's some areas we can't show you, obviously, but...”
Friendship is G.I. By Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires Chapter 3: In Which Gung-Ho Does Something Stupid
All characters are copyrighted to their various owners. If you like my work, please support me on Patreon!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ G.I. Joe Headquarters... Location classified... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“...And that's our research labs. What we're cleared to show you, at least,” Duke said as they concluded that part of the tour.
Twilight Sparkle was giddy. “That was amazing! For such a magic-crippled world, you've managed to create such tremendous wonders of science!”
“Wonders,” a thoroughly bored Rainbow Dash said. “Right.” Spike had a similar expression on his face, the young dragon yawning as he rode on Twilight's back.
Mainframe smiled at Twilight. “I'm actually impressed you were able to understand a lot of it. I never realized that science and magic could go hand-in-hand,” he said.
“You and Lifeline both have great potential for sorcery,” Sunset Shimmer said, smiling. “If we can work it out with our realm's rulers, we'd love to have you visit and maybe learn a few spells of your own.”
Shipwreck rolled his eyes. “Bet your dad would love that, Lifeline,” he quipped, the medic wincing.
Applejack was the first to notice. “Somethin' wrong?”
“Remember what Shipwreck said about religion?” Lifeline said. “My father is... very fundamentalist. He nearly disowned me for joining a military unit. Because of him, I was nearly useless to the team due to the extreme pacifism I tried to espouse.”
“He wouldn't even grab the butt of a rifle to save his life while drowning,” Shipwreck said.
“There's nothing wrong with pacifism,” Fluttershy said. “My friends and I, we always try to find the peaceful solution. But... used to espouse?”
“It's not important,” Shipwreck said quickly, shrugging too casually.
“Shipwreck, it's okay...” Lifeline said softly. The tour group had paused, the Joes looking at Lifeline worriedly.
Shipwreck frowned. “It's your life, pal,” he said softly. “Your business and no one else's.”
“It's okay...” Lifeline said. “Nothing can change what happened, and...” He smiled sadly, turning to Fluttershy and saying, “It's related to the reason why most of us go by callsigns instead of our real names. Our enemies learned my real name, and took my father hostage. When I wouldn't acquiesce to their demands, they tried to kill him. I killed them first. The situation being what it was, there was no other way to stop them other than a bullet to the face. My father disowned me right then and there, cutting me out of the family.”
The Equestrians gasped, shocked. “I'm sorry, Lifeline...” Fluttershy said. “I shouldn't have pried...”
“It's okay, Fluttershy. Not talking about it won't change what happened,” Lifeline said.
Applejack hugged Lifeline, surprising him. “No. It's not,” she said. “You protected him, but he punished you for it. And that ain't right. Kin is far too important.”
Lifeline sighed, leaning down and hugging Applejack. “Thanks for the support, but believe me, I'm going to be fine. Father was never really much of a parent to me. And the unit more than makes up for that lack of family I grew up with.”
“Damn straight,” Bazooka said, grinning.
“I make jokes and spew insults like a leaky pipe in a submarine,” Shipwreck said to the Equestrians, “but you better believe that I'll fight to the death to protect any one of these jerks. Same as any of us.“
Rainbow Dash nodded in approval. “An admirable way of thinking,” Rarity said, smiling, the other Equestrians also liking the sentiment.
Roadblock put a comforting hand on the medic's shoulder as he stood up again. “You okay to keep going, man?”
“Yeah, I didn't mean to be a downer,” Lifeline said, smiling.
“On that note, I think we should move on to something a bit lighter...” Lady Jaye said.
“Crew quarters?” Duke suggested.
“Sounds good,” Lady Jaye said.
The group made a turn, heading down several halls to a large common area. Several other G.I. Joe members were there, some playing video games, some at pinball machines, some lifting weights, and others just milling about and talking.
“This is one of the rec lounges for the team,” Lady Jaye said. “We come here between missions to shoot the breeze and relax.”
“THIS is more like it,” Rainbow Dash said.
“So many different uniforms...” Rarity said, fascinated.
“We're a team of specialists,” Duke said. “We have an infantry force to supplement, but we've found that for the primary G.I. Joe team, allowing some creative liberty in uniform design choices brings up morale.”
“Granted, some of those uniform choice are impractical,” Lady Jaye admitted.
“Quick Kick and all the ninjas,” Shipwreck muttered.
“You have NINJAS!?!” Spike said excitedly.
“Yeah. Some of them wear neon,” Shipwreck said.
Lady Jaye glared at him. “And sometimes weapon choices are a bit unorthodox,” she continued.
“Your spears,” Shipwreck said.
“OKAY, Shipwreck, do you know how much of Cobra's crap I've reduced to rubble with my spears?” Lady Jaye said, turning on the sailor. Duke facepalmed, while Lifeline, Roadblock, Mainframe, and Private Conner just watched with amusement.
“Bet it's nowhere near as much as my man Bazooka here,” Shipwreck said.
“He's got a point,” Bazooka said.
“CHILDREN!” Duke said. “Please behave in front of our guests or none of you will get dessert tonight.”
Lady Jaye blushed, ashamed for letting Shipwreck get to her. Shipwreck just put his hands in his pockets, smirking.
The Equestrians just giggled in amusement. Duke sighed. “Sorry. Feel free to explore and meet everyone. And Joes?” he said, turning to the troops. “These are our guests from another world. Please show them respect.”
The Equestrians all nodded, separating to go and meet the various crew members in the room. Fluttershy, cautiously, went over to where a blonde, bearded man with heavily tattooed arms and dark green fatigues was standing near an arcade machine. He was leaning against it, and when Fluttershy came over, he sat down in a cross-legged position and grinned widely.
“H-Hi...” Fluttershy said.
The blonde man grinned. “Heya. Don't worry, I'm cuddlier than I look,” he said. “The name's Rock n' Roll.”
“Like the music style?” Fluttershy asked.
Rock n' Roll nodded. “Yep,” he said. “And I gotta say, you are by God the most adorable aliens I've ever seen.”
Fluttershy grinned. “Thank you...”
Rock n' Roll grinned again. “I mean it. You remind me of this plush toy I had as a kid,” he said. “I loved hugging that thing all the time and... err...” He realized what he was saying and winced. “S-Sorry...”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I don't mind the comparison,” she said. “And I like hugs, too.”
Rock n' Roll blinked. “Oh! Uh... would you like a hug?” he asked.
Rock n' Roll grinned, scooping up Fluttershy and hugging her tightly. Fluttershy squeaked in surprise, but didn't resist. “You're nice,” she said.
“I try to be,” Rock n' Roll said.
“What's this game you were playing?” Fluttershy asked, gesturing to the arcade machine.
Rock n' Roll blinked. “Your world has video games?”
“I'm not really into them myself,” Fluttershy said, nodding, “but yes, kind of. They're called magigames, but they look similar.” She smiled warmly. “So what's the game?”
“Er...” Rock n' Roll looked up at the machine's title.
Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3.
He glanced over to Rainbow Dash, who was staring at the game's screen, and slowly shaking her head.
“Nothing you'd be interested in,” Rock n' Roll said, grinning nervously.
Fluttershy blinked, but shrugged, deciding to accept that answer.
Rainbow Dash sighed in relief. “Your friend the sensitive type?” asked a man in pilot gear. The rainbow-maned pony shook her head.
“Kinda. She's an animal caretaker, so she's well aware of how rough nature can be,” the pegasus said. “But that kinda violence? Yeah, that'd be a bit much for her. Which is a shame, 'cause it looks awesome.”
The pilot chuckled. “Name's Ace. I'm a pilot,” he said.
“Sweet,” Rainbow Dash said. “What do you fly?”
“Skystriker XP-21F,” Ace said. “One of the best planes in the business.”
“Sounds pretty sweet,” Rainbow Dash said. “We're only up to the prototype stage in terms of airplanes. Most we got in terms of airships is big balloon ships. And most pegasi, the Wonderbolts in particular, can go faster than them.”
“Interesting that you're letting a foreign soldier know your tech level,” Ace said softly.
“We've got nothing to hide,” Rainbow Dash said, shrugging. “We're here as friends.”
You are very lucky we're the good guys, Ace thought to himself. “I'd keep it to yourself nonetheless. No one here's the type to use it against you, but not everyone has the same scruples. Even your world has types that would exploit any advantage they could take, am I right?”
Rainbow Dash frowned, and nodded. “I guess that makes sense...”
Ace chuckled. “Don't worry about it,” he said. “Just keep things in your metaphorical hat until it becomes relevant. Now. You said you can fly faster than most ships. What's your top speed, Dasher?”
Rainbow Dash told him. Ace blinked. “...This is gonna sound really in appropriate but I am suddenly very interested in pony biology.”
Rainbow Dash smirked. “No big,” she said. “No matter the species, all the stallions want me.”
“I'm serious,” Ace said. “At those Gs, your body should be LIQUIFIED. I am very interested to know how you survive.”
“Pure awesome,” Rainbow Dash explained. Ace just glared at her with amusement.
As pilot and chromatic embodiment of ego talked, Rarity made her way over to a redheaded woman in a brown bomber jacket at a pool table. She was fascinated with the way she moved, with a subtle grace and elegance that the other soldiers in the room lacked.
The redhead noticed Rarity as she circled the table for another shot. “Hey there,” she said, smiling. “Nice to meet you, oddly adorable alien pony.”
Rarity giggled. “A pleasure,” she said. “My name is Rarity. I am a fashion designer, owner of the Carousel Boutique line of stores. Where everything is chiq, unique, and mangifique.”
The redhead smirked. “I love your accent,” she said. “It's so obviously something you taught yourself, but strangely it fits you perfectly.”
“One must cultivate a certain image when dealing with fashion, darling,” Rarity said, smirking right back.
The redhead chuckled. “True, true,” she said. “The name's Cover Girl.”
Rarity smiled. “With a name like that, I bet you were a model,” she said, pulling over a stool with her magic, climbing up to sit down on it and leaning on the table.
Cover Girl nodded, sighing. “Yep... And let me tell you, it was one of the most unfulfilling times of my life,” she said, leaning on her cue.
Rarity blinked. “Really?” she said.
Cover Girl nodded. “All the time, just pose and look pretty, pose and look pretty,” she said. “And God, some of what I had to wear... I felt like a damn peacock, except even more silly-looking. I wanted to be more than just a pretty face. So I joined the army, and learned how to pilot tanks.” She grinned savagely. “And lemme tell you, there's little in life more satisfying to me than driving a multi-ton engine of destruction and using its cannons to blow up the enemy.”
Rarity eeped. “Dear me...” she said. “Forgive me if I seem nonplussed. I've always found great satisfaction in the fashion industry...”
Cover Girl shrugged, smiling easily. “You're a designer. And if you've got a whole line of stores, then you're a successful one. You do actual work, instead of just standing around looking pretty.”
Rarity bit her lip. “Well... maybe. My friend Applejack, she doesn't get fashion at all. But she said one time that she appreciates me because of the work I put in,” she said, gesturing to the orange pony as she wandered around, casually chatting with various troops.
Cover Girl looked over to Applejack, taking in her accent. “She a farmer?”
Rarity nodded. “Indeed,” she said. “One of the finest apple farmers in Equestria.”
Cover Girl nodded. “That makes sense. We've got a few farm boys here. Hard work goes hand-in-hand with owning a farm, so it's pretty obvious they'd appreciate someone who puts effort into their job.” She glanced at Rarity. “Surprised that someone as classy as you would have a farmer for a friend.”
Rarity smiled. “We have our differences, Cover Girl, but I've never had a better set of friends than this group of girls,” she said, sighing contentedly.
Cover Girl smiled, and offered Rarity an extra pool cue. “Here,” she said. “You ponies got pool in your world?”
Rarity smirked, taking the cue. “Oh yes. In fact, I've developed a rather charming nickname around the local pool hall in Ponyville,” she said. She dusted the tip of the cue with chalk, took aim, and struck.
Every remaining ball save for the white cue ball bounced into the hole.
“...That nickname wouldn't be Great White, would it?” Cover Girl asked, grinning despite herself.
“Undefeated for five years,” Rarity said. “I even broke Rainbow Dash's legendary stubbornness. Granted, this was after she bet away her home, every last one of her possessions, her place on the Wonderbolts, her pet, her wings, her mane, her name, her soul, her voice, an eternity of sexual servitude, a promise to undergo cultural refinement and learn my accent, a promise to conquer Equestria in my name... None of which I collected, of course. It was simply fun to see her escalate.” Rarity blushed. “Although I was tempted to have her model my more 'intimate' apparel after she promised sexual servitude.”
Cover Girl cackled. “Oh, we're gonna get along fine, Great White,” she said.
Rarity grinned lazily.
Elsewhere, Pinkie Pie was having a blast. So many new friends! Everyone she talked in the room so far to seem to like her. She looked around for a new friend, and saw a young man in a dark orange, armored uniform eating a large bowl of ice cream.
“Oooh, what's that?” she said. “Can I have a taste? Oh, no wait, that's rude. Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie! Who're you?”
The young man was rather nonplussed. He had heard about the alien visitors, but had missed their arrival. To see one of them up close and personal was something he didn't expect. He didn't consider himself interesting enough for one to take personal attention to him. “Uh... Hi. I'm called Ice Cream Soldier,” he said, composing himself after a moment.
“Ooh, neato!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing. “Is it because you like ice cream so much? I'm more of a cake lover myself, but I'm rather biased since I work in a bakery. That isn't to say that I don't love ice cream just as much! It's just that I tend to eat really quick and when I try to eat ice cream my head gets all achey-wakey and it kinda ruins the experience.”
Ice Cream Soldier grinned, relaxing in his chair and taking a bite of his ice cream. “Yeah, you gotta take it slow when enjoying ice cream. It's cool, like when you're first getting to know a lover, but if you treat her gentle, get to know her, defrost her a little, then you almost always get a sweet time.” He took another bite of his ice cream, mmming in delight as he swirled his tongue around the spoon.
“...That is both the sexiest and the creepiest way I've ever heard ice cream described to me,” Pinkie Pie said, giggling and blushing a little. “So what do you do for your team?”
“I'm a flamethrower trooper,” ICS said. “I got a specialized flamethrower/rocket launcher combo. I usually load the launcher with napalm shells.”
Pinkie Pie blinked. “You're named Ice Cream Soldier and you work with flames?”
“Yeah, the code name I got when I was still a greenshirt and before people found out my long, lasting love affair with frozen dairy desserts. Pretty much nothing fazes me,” ICS said. “Pretty good quality to have when you're carrying a tank of jellied gasoline on your back and have about a million bullets flying at you.” He scooped up a dollop of ice cream and let Pinkie Pie have a taste.
“Mmm! Pistachio!” Pinkie Pie chirped.
ICS chuckled. “Not a lot of folks here on the base appreciate pistachio,” he said. “Glad to see you got a bigger palate.”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “I'm a baker and a party planner,” she said. “I GOTTA have a good sense of taste if I want to make a good party!”
“You and I are gonna get along just fine, Pinks,” ICS said.
Applejack, for her part, was trotting back and forth between the soldiers, making brief, casual conversation before trotting on. No one had caught her eye so far as interesting, but she liked everyone she talked to.
She eventually encountered a man in green fatigues arguing with a man in what she could only guise was a blue, full-body swimsuit of some kind.
“...and if the Navy SEALS were actually worth anything, they'd... Oh. Little alien horse thing. Hi!” the man in green said, interrupting his string of insults.
Applejack tipped her hat to them, introducing herself. “I'm not interrupting, am I?”
“Nah,” the man in blue said. “We're actually almost getting along today.”
“For us, anyway. Name's Leatherneck,” the man in green said. “I'm a marine. That means I'm one of the best soldiers in the business.”
“I'm Wet-Suit. I'm a Navy SEAL, which is short for SEa, Air, and Land. Means I'm better than the best,” the man in blue said.
“Best at bein' a loser,” Leatherneck countered.
“Please. Like you've done anything of note,” Wet-Suit said.
“You aren't even allowed to say what you've done,” Leatherneck said. “Pretty convenient excuse to hide your epic level of fail.”
“Huh?” Applejack said.
Wet-Suit chuckled. “Most of my missions before I joined the Joes are top secret stuff. My CO always said if people knew what you did, then you're doing it wrong. And unlike the Big Green Bozo from Outer Space here, I never felt the need to brag. A job well done's a job well done,” he said, Applejack nodding in appreciation of the sentiment.
“Don't mind him, Miss Applejack,” Leatherneck said. “He acts all humble, but really he's got an ego the size of Roadblock's pectorals.”
“Perfectly justified, too,” Wet-Suit said, smirking. “Especially when compared to a leatherhead like you.”
“Pfah! I'd rather deal with a real seal. Those things at least are cute and cuddly,” Leatherneck said. “Although you sound just about as goofy as one!”
Applejack chuckled. “Sorry, it's just... You two remind me of Rainbow Dash and m'self,” she said.
“Eh,” Wet-Suit said. “Don't worry about it.”
“Yeah,” Leatherneck said, smiling easily. “We yell at each other all time, but we got each other's back in a firefight.”
“We've claimed exclusive rights to kill each other,” Wet-Suit said, grinning viciously at Leatherneck, who smirked right back. “I'm not about to let someone take you down before I can!”
“Delusions of grandeur,” Leatherneck tsked. “Sign of early onset senility. Shameful.”
“Yep, you two are definitely best buds,” Applejack concluded.
The two men chuckled. “So how about you, Applejack? You're our first alien, even with the space program we got, so I'm really kinda interested,” Leatherneck said.
As Applejack chatted casually with Leatherneck and Wet-Suit, Sunset Shimmer stood off to the side, smiling and just watching. She seemed content to observe everything for now, when a voice startled her out of her musings.
“You are afraid,” said the voice.
Sunset squeaked, turning around to the source of the voice. A tall man with dark, vaguely reddish skin was standing there. He wore a blue shirt, and wore a headband with a feather in it. “Forgive me,” said the man. “My name is Spirit. I couldn't help but notice you standing away from the others.”
Sunset sighed, grinning weakly. How is someone that damn tall so stealthy? she thought, having not even remotely sensed him. “It's fine, and... yeah, I guess I am a bit nervous.”
Spirit gave her a curious look. “Why? You are an ambassador, yes?” he asked.
Sunset sighed. “I can deal with political stuff. I'm just... very uncertain about making friends.”
Spirit just stared at her. “Why?”
“I've... made mistakes. Terrible ones that I should have been prosecuted for... But instead I was given a second chance by the people I betrayed...”
Spirit just smiled. “Second chances are rare. This person you say you betrayed... perhaps they did not think of it as a betrayal? Simply you losing your way?”
Sunset lowered her head, having nothing to say.
“This person who gave you your second chance, they must believe that you are a good person. Why do you not agree with them?” Spirit asked.
“...The person I betrayed was my mentor. One of the rulers of our country,” Sunset said softly. “I was... arrogant. I wasn't born an alicorn. Like Twilight, I was a unicorn. I felt... entitled. I was talented, powerful... I felt that meant I deserved to ascend, to become an alicorn like my mentor. When she threatened to end my time as her student, I... I openly rebelled. I tried to start an uprising against her. If it weren't for Twilight, I...” She shook her head. “No, no. Even without Twilight's intervention, I would have failed. She just prevented the guards from killing me...”
“You are an alicorn now, though,” Spirit said.
“...I'm still not sure that I deserve it,” Sunset said. “Yeah, I've saved the world a couple times, but...” She shook her head. “I don't know.”
Spirit smiled sagely. “You doubt yourself, doubt your actions. Yet you are now of a higher tribe, one which I assume has only a few members.”
“Six, counting me,” Sunset said.
Spirit nodded. “You doubt your position, yet your mentor has entrusted you with the rank of Ambassador.”
“She wanted to make me a Princess, like she and her sister were, and Twilight is... I refused...” Sunset said.
Spirit chuckled. “It seems to me, Sunset Shimmer, that the only one who doubts you is you.”
Sunset Shimmer just frowned.
Spirit gently stroked her mane, Sunset blushing. “If you cannot believe in yourself, Sunset Shimmer, then believe in the friends who believe in you. Use the lessons of the past to guide the actions of today, but do not let what was rule you. Your past is not today, Sunset Shimmer. It is simply the guidepost for tomorrow.”
Sunset managed to smile. “That... makes sense, I guess. I've heard it before, but... Maybe I just needed to hear it from somepony who wasn't biased towards me,” she said, smiling up at the soldier. “Thank you.”
Spirit just nodded.
As Sunset was being comforted by Spirit, Spike found himself being sniffed at by a large rottweiler. “Hey boy,” Spike said, scratching the dog's ears.
The dog barked happily, deciding he liked Spike, and began licking him. Spike giggled. “Hey, c'mon, that tickles!”
The dog's owner came over shortly after, a large, mustachioed man in green. “Sorry, sorry...” he said. “Old Junkyard here got away from me.”
Spike laughed. “It's okay. I like dogs. Always had a weird affinity for them,” he said. “I'm Spike!”
“Name's Mutt. I'm one of the K9 troopers for the force,” he said, grinning. “And you must be all right, since Junkyard here seems to think you're aces.”
“That, or he likes dragon meat,” Spike said as Junkyard began licking him again, tail wagging happily.
“Heh. So what's your story, kiddo?” Mutt asked.
“I'm a dragon! A young one, though, so before you ask, that's why I'm small,” he said. “I'm only just now starting to get my wings in.”
“Neat!” Mutt said, pulling the happy Junkyard away from Spike to give him some breathing room. “So, what, you're like a bodyguard?”
Spike chuckled. “Not yet. I mainly work as Twilight's personal assistant. It's more interesting than it sounds. Especially with her OCD.”
Mutt smirked. “Bit of an obsessive, eh?”
“Oh, I could tell you stories,” Spike said.
Mutt grinned wickedly. “Tell me some.”
Spike laughed. He liked this guy. "Well, there was one time..."
Twilight, for her part, was just watching the interactions of her friends as they talked to the Joes, finding specific Joes who interested them. Applejack seemed to have an odd friendship started with Wet-Suit and Leatherneck. Sunset was being comforted by Spirit. Pinkie and Ice Cream Soldier were having a polite debate about the merits of ice cream versus cake as a confection (although both were in agreement that cookies were amazing). Rarity had gathered a pool game around her and Cover Girl, the two beauties pretty much destroying their competition. Rock n' Roll was listening to Fluttershy talk about her animal work with rapt attention. Ace was impressing Rainbow Dash with a story about a dogfight with an enemy pilot named Wild Weasel. And Spike was bonding quite well it seemed with Mutt and Junkyard.
All in all, it seemed like things were going well. A few minutes more, and they'd move the tour on.
“Hnh...” said a voice from nearby.
Twilight turned, and saw a man in combat gear and a green balaclava standing off to one side. A grumpy expression was in his eyes as he watched his fellow soldiers bond with the Equestrians.
“Hi!” Twilight said, deciding to approach him. “I'm Twilight Sparkle.”
“Beach Head,” the man said simply, not turning to look at her. “So many regs being broken...”
“I'm... sorry?” Twilight said, frowning.
Beach Head finally did turn to her, sighing. “Your highness. It's not you I'm mad at,” he said. “It's just...” He looked out at the rec hall. “I know that there's no precedent for alien interaction. But there is regulations on how to interact with diplomats. This is... uncomfortably casual.”
Twilight smiled. “I dunno. Things are going well to me,” she said. “On my world, I'm the Princess of Friendship. Things like making friends, having fun? That's my dominion. And this is the exact sort of thing I like. Everypony happy, everypony having fun...”
Beach Head just grunted. “Hnh...” he said. He frowned at Twilight, and asked. “You called yourself the Princess of Friendship. What's that mean?”
Twilight smiled. “Our society is based on harmony. Order and Chaos, night and day, everything in balance. And the we maintain that harmony through friendship.”
“So you're a major diplomat, then,” Beach Head said, “keepin' the peace between your world's nations.”
Twilight smiled. “I also help with generic friendship problems! One time, Fluttershy and I helped end a decades long feud between two families.”
Beach Head frowned in confusion. “...How do you know where to go?”
“Through a magical table that suggests which of our group should go to help find the friendship problem,” Twilight said.
“...” Beach Head said.
“You don't believe in magic, do you?” Twilight said, sighing.
“No,” Beach Head said. “Everything I've seen from you and your people so far I can reasonably assume has a scientific explanation. Also, a table that can sense when people aren't being good friends? That seems really nosy.”
Twilight blinked, and shook her head. “N-No, it's not like that, it...”
Before Twilight and Beach Head could argue further, a greenshirt ran in.
“Sir? There's a problem,” the soldier said.
“What is it?” Duke said.
“Gung-Ho's commandeered the kitchen,” the greenshirt said, a nervous look on her face. “I think... well, remember what happened on the fourth?”
“...He wouldn't dare,” Lady Jaye said. “He's not that stupid.”
“What's wrong?” Twilight asked, flying over to Duke.
“Bit of an internal matter,” Duke said. “You can come along if you like, but please, let us handle this. Joes, MOVE!”
The Joes in the commons room followed Duke out as they all ran to the commissary, the pony visitors following behind out of curiosity. When they got there, the Equestrians hopping up on the tables to see, they found a large, bald man in an open, light blue vest with a tattoo on his chest stirring away at a large pot.
“What's he makin'?” Pinkie Pie asked. “It smells good!”
“My granny's special gumbo!” the large man said. “Y'all are vegetarian, right? I went that way 'cause I wasn't sure...”
“Sunset and I can eat anything. Pegasi sometimes eat fish. But most ponies are vegetarians, yes,” Twilight said.
The large man grinned. “Then you'll like this,” he said. “It's a veggie version of my granny's famous recipe.”
All around the large man, the other Joes were looking hesitant. “...Gung-Ho, you aren't gonna put any ghost peppers in it like last time, right?” Duke said.
“Naw,” Gung-Ho said.
Every soldier in earshot visibly relaxed.
“I got something better than those wuss fruits!” Gung-Ho declared, reaching into a pants pocket.
“Oh dear God no...” Lady Jaye said, suddenly realizing where this was going.
“Gung-Ho, DON'T...!” Duke shouted.
“I got me some CAROLINA REAPERS!” Gung-Ho said proudly, holding up a bag of wrinkly red peppers. “Found a guy online who was selling them, and... uh...”
Everyone carrying a gun was currently aiming them at Gung-Ho. Snake-Eyes had appeared out of nowhere, holding a combat knife to Gung-Ho's neck.
“Um... what's going on?” Sunset asked, the Equestrians rather confused.
“Put. The Peppers. Down. IDIOT,” Duke said.
Slowly, Gung-Ho put the pepper bag down near the pot. Only after his hands were off the bag did everyone relax, holstering their weapons.
“Those peppers are the second hottest on Earth, to the point where they're borderline unsafe to eat,” Duke explained. “They're toxic levels of hot. Gung-Ho likes spicy food, but I'm not about to inflict that on you and your friends, your highness.”
“Christ, Gung-Ho,” Wet-Suit said, exasperated. “I tried a chip covered in Reaper dust one time and was sick for three goddamn days! I wouldn't give one of those things to Leatherneck!”
Pinkie Pie, upset at all the frowns, disappeared and reappeared in the kitchens. “Oh, I'm sure it's all right,” she said, picking up the bag of peppers. “I mean, he was just trying to make a nice meal for us all, right?”
Gung-Ho nodded, smiling. Snake-Eyes shook his head desperately, the ninja realizing what Pinkie intended to do.
“If you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do, please, dear God, don't!” Lady Jaye said.
“Nono, it's okay! I like spicy food too!” Pinkie said, opening the bag and pulling out a pepper.
“Um, Pinkie Pie...” Sunset said, worried.
Pinkie Pie tossed the pepper up and caught it in her mouth, chewing it up and swallowing it. She smiled, and said, “I immediately regret this decision. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Pinkie Pie began running around in circles, spewing flames from her mouth, Snake-Eyes and Gung-Ho stepping back in alarm.
“What the Hell!?” Lifeline said.
“Milk!” Rainbow Dash suddenly demanded.
“Fridge! In clear plastic jugs!” Roadblock said. In a colorful streak, Rainbow Dash zipped through the serving window, opened the fridge, and pulled out a jug of milk. She yanked the cap off and stuffed it in Pinkie's mouth, snuffing the flames.
Pinkie Pie sucked the milk jug dry, holding it like a baby bottle. Once it was empty, she collapsed, groaning. “Ooooh... That was worse than pure rainbow...” Pinkie moaned.
“I'll get her back home,” Rainbow Dash said, casting Gung-Ho a glare. She picked up her limply groaning friend and headed back for the portal.
“I'll go with her,” Spike said. “I should let Zecora know that some of her special stomach medicine's needed.” He trotted off to the portal as well.
As soon as Rainbow Dash and Spike were gone, Beach Head stormed the kitchen, his eyes blazing with fury. “YOU GET OUT HERE, BOY!” he snarled, grabbing Gung-Ho by the vest and dragging him before Duke. The G.I. Joe field commander's eyes were full of anger, albeit a colder anger than Beach Head's open fury.
“I was just...” Gung-Ho started, Duke silencing him with a gesture.
“You. POISONED. A diplomat,” Duke growled.
“I didn't think they'd be that bad! I mean, I've always handled spice pretty good!” Gung-Ho said defensively.
Beach Head hit him, Gung-Ho wincing. “NOT EVERYONE'S GOT A STOMACH MADE OF ADAMANTIUM LIKE YOU DO, STUPID!” Beach Head roared.
“Smooth move ex-lax!” Shipwreck jeered. “You just caused an INTERDIMENSIONAL incident!”
“I ought to have you COURT-MARTIALED, you brainless...!” Duke started to yell.
“Wait, please!” Fluttershy said, putting her hooves on Duke's arm. “He didn't mean to hurt her!”
“Ma'am, this is an internal matter...” Duke tried to explain.
“We're asking for leniency,” Sunset said, stepping forward. “He shouldn't have brought the peppers, but he didn't know Pinkie Pie was going to try one for herself.”
“Pinkie Pie will be okay,” Applejack said. “We've all been through much worse. Rainbow Dash will probably want to sock him one, but that's about it.”
“Please,” Twilight said. “This was just an accident, and as much Pinkie Pie's fault as it is his. She's notoriously unpredictable.”
Beach Head's eyebrow was twitching in disbelief. Duke stared at all of the ponies in dismay, all of them giving him the most adorable pleading looks. Everyone else watched Duke, wondering what he'd do.
Duke turned away, clenching his fists. He was still furious with Gung-Ho, but the diplomats, the wronged party, were insisting on leniency. It was frustrating. He clenched his fists, his teeth audibly grinding as he took a deep breath to calm himself.
“...Snake-Eyes, grab the peppers and bring them here,” Duke said. Once the ninja handed him the bag of peppers, he said, “Gung-Ho, I'm not going to have you court-martialed.”
Gung-Ho sighed in relief. “WHAT!?” Beach Head almost shrieked.
Duke held up his hand for silence. “BUT! You're not getting out of punishment,” he said. He forced the bag of peppers into Gung-Ho's hand. “If you can eat all of those and then stand still for ten minutes without going for milk, you're off the hook.”
Gung-Ho looked at the peppers, considering.
“If you CAN'T,” Duke said, grabbing Gung-Ho by the vest. “Then I'm sending you to the Slaughterhouse for a YEAR of remedial training. And I'm going to tell the Sarge why you are there.” He roughly shoved Gung-Ho back.
Beach Head calmed down immediately. “Yeah... Okay, I can live with that...” he said, chuckling wickedly.
“Um... the Slaughterhouse?” Rarity asked, visibly concerned.
“A specialized training center run by a fellow named Sgt. Slaughter,” Beach Head explained. “He's a former pro-wrestler, and is now one of our team's drill sergeants. Works mainly with extreme disciplinary cases. He has no concept of mercy, and no tolerance for idiots.”
Twilight and the others grimaced. “I suppose... that's better...”
“Um, Duke...” Lifeline said. “Just ONE of those peppers is dangerous. Eating all six could...”
Duke sneered. “He can handle it. He's a maw-REEN,” the blonde-man jeered. “Jarheads like him are toughest in the world, aren't ya?”
“That's right...” Gung-Ho said, accepting the challenge. “I am.” He popped one pepper in his mouth, confidently chewing it. In short order, his face began to redden, his chewing slowing down as the spice started to hit him. He coughed, his nose starting to run as he swallowed the pepper, tears of pain streaming down his face. He coughed again, more harshly this time. His mouth was on fire, and he felt as if he did have open flames in his mouth like Pinkie Pie did earlier. His stomach was churning violently, rejecting the Carolina Reaper.
Slowly, sweating heavily, Gung-Ho put the second pepper into his mouth. Slowly, he chewed it up and swallowed it.
Five seconds later, he ran for a trash can and threw up.
Golf-claps filled the room as Gung-Ho staggered, collapsing against the can after he emptied his stomach, groaning.
Duke facepalmed. “Get this idiot to the infirmary,” he said. “Once he's healed, send him to Sgt. Slaughter.”
Lifeline sighed, helping Gung-Ho leave the room. Duke shook his head, rubbing his temples.
“I'm... really sorry that happened,” Lady Jaye said, grinning apologetically.
“It's okay,” Twilight said, sighing. “It was just an accident. Miscommunication all around.”
Roadblock, in the meantime, had gone into the kitchen to taste the gumbo. He was adding much lighter amounts of spice to it. “Duke, the gumbo's salvageable,” the master chef said. “Granny LaFitte's recipe here is pretty dang good.”
Duke nodded. “If anyone can make something good, it's you,” he said, Roadblock nodding and taking over the kitchen. Snake-Eyes decided to help, making more dishes at Roadblock's direction.
Lady Jaye chuckled weakly. “Well, we were planning on treating you to a meal here anyway...”
Rarity smiled. “It really does smell good, darling,” she said.
“Is Pinkie Pie really gonna be all right?” Bazooka asked.
Applejack nodded. “Like we said, we've all been through worse than a case of spice poisoning,” she said. “Lemme tell you about this one mess I caused after I went for a couple days without sleepin'.”
As everyone finally managed to relax, the remaining tour group sitting with the ponies as Applejack related the story. As Duke listened, he mused to himself, At least it can't get any worse.
Although as soon as he thought it, he had the weirdest feeling that he just jinxed himself...
Friendship is G.I. Chapter 4: Meeting of the Commanding Officers by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ G.I. Joe base... Undisclosed Location... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“We figured it'd be best to end the tour with a visit to our commanding officer's office,” Duke said, smiling at Twilight.
“That'd be wonderful, thank you!” the alicorn princess said.
“Are you sure Pinkie Pie's going to be okay?” Lady Jaye asked.
Rarity chuckled. “Darling, don't worry,” she said. “She's taken worse hits than that.”
Applejack nodded in agreement. “A stomachache from a bad pepper won't keep her down long,” she said.
Duke nodded, leading the tour group over to Hawk's office. The general greeted them outside, clad in his dress uniform, a dark blue suit with medals all over it. The office itself was sparsely decorated, file cabinets filling up one corner, a bookshelf with various military manuals and novels on it. A small TV was balanced on another set of filing cabinets, pictures of various military leaders and Hawk's family member's lining the walls. The ponies looked around curiously as they entered, Rainbow Dash looking oddly disappointed.
“Your highness,” Hawk said, bowing. “I'm General Clayton Abernathy, leader of G.I.Joe.”
The ponies gave him a blank look for a moment. “...I'm sorry, but could we stick to callsigns? Your real names aren't translating for some reason,” Twilight said, grinning sheepishly.
Hawk smiled. “That's fine. I'm used to going by it anyway. General Hawk,” he said, motioning them all inside. “Shall we?”
The ponies all followed General Hawk into his office, Duke standing at attention in one corner. Several folding chairs were gathered there. “I'm sorry for the accommodations. I'm not used to receiving so many in here at once,” he said. Standing near the General's desk was a redheaded woman in a yellow leotard with gray leggings and sleeves, yellow boots and gloves adorning her hands. “This is Scarlet, who's with our Intelligence division.”
“Spyin' on us?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Scarlet quirked an eyebrow. “Miss Dash, I...”
“It's okay,” Twilight said, holding up a hoof as she got into one of the folding chairs. “I understand.”
Scarlet just nodded, smiling pleasantly. General Hawk sat down. “Incidentally, Miss Dash, thank you for not breaking Gung-Ho's jaw,” he said.
“Thought about it,” she muttered. “Anyway, she's back home now and her family's looking after her. Spike will report back to us if anything goes sideways.”
“That's good,” Scarlet said, brushing her long red ponytail off of her shoulder. “We are deeply sorry this happened...”
Rarity shook her head, tsking. “Your soldier meant well. Pinkie simply overestimated her ability to tolerate heat.”
“Again,” Rainbow Dash said, a smirk crossing her face. The ponies all giggled.
“This has happened before?” Scarlet asked.
“First time Pinkie came up to my cloud house,” Rainbow Dash said. “I got wells of pure liquid rainbow set up for effect. She had pretty much the same reaction.”
“...I’m sorry, pure liquid rainbow?” Scarlet said, trading confused looks with Duke and General Hawk. “I was under the impression that rainbows were born from the refraction of light through prisms or rain.”
“...Interesting,” Sunset said. “There are rainbows like you said, but we mainly just call those color bands. Rainbows are a big part of magic in our world. A sacred power that my friends and I have wielded at one point is called the Rainbow of Light.”
Scarlet stroked her chin thoughtfully. “Fascinating.”
Outside, several other soldiers had gathered and were listening with rapt interest. Mainframe, for his part, was very curious about the ‘cloud house’ Rainbow Dash mentioned.
“What’s fascinating to me is how far science has advanced here!” Twilight said, grinning widely. “Your people have come up with so many innovations that we’re only just starting to think of!”
“The lack of magic concerns me,” Sunset said, frowning. “It’s a vital component to nature. Is it true that magic has been demonized in this world?”
Hawk nodded. “I’m afraid so. We have come up with many innovations, yes, but many tend to be frightened by what they don’t understand. And then they start listening to whomever is talking the loudest.”
Applejack giggled. “That ain’t a problem for the Queens,” she said. “They can shout so loud that an entire city can hear them.”
“Interesting,” Hawk said noncommittally. Although a part of him truly was curious.
“We hope you’ve been enjoying the tour so far,” Scarlet said. “We know it’s a lot different than what you’re used to back home. And I apologize that we had to steer you away from several areas. Military secrets, you see.”
“Hey, perfectly all right. And different? Boy, I’ll say,” Applejack said. “All this here newfangled technology… And that’s just the military stuff!”
Twilight smiled. “We’re mainly interested in seeing your communication and farming equipment. We in turn will share our own cultivation techniques, as well as introduce methods of teaching magic. Hopefully, there will be enough who are for it and not like poor Lifeline’s father...”
“Ah,” Hawk said. “That story came up…”
“I feel sorry for him,” Fluttershy said softly. “Lifeline’s so very nice, and he just wanted to serve his country… He’s a lot braver than I am...”
Sunset nuzzled her. “Fluttershy, you took a chance on Discord when the rest of us wanted to just leave him trapped in stone forever,” she said. “Now, he’s one of our mightiest allies.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “Honestly, all he needed was a friend...”
“I’m sorry… Discord?” Scarlet asked, confused.
“Reformed chaos god, darlings,” Rarity said, Duke, Hawk, and Scarlet looking rather surprised at how casually she said it. “He’s still a troublemaker, but he’s much kinder now than he used to be.”
“Debatable,” Rainbow Dash muttered.
“Hey, you’re the one who decided to try and prank the God of Pranksters,” Applejack said.
“He turned me into a catfolk for a month!” Rainbow Dash protested, the others giggling.
“...An actual god,” Scarlet said slowly. “You’ve ‘reformed’ an actual god of chaos.”
Twilight smiled. “We’ve actually managed to reform several major villains, and make them allies of Equestria, our home nation.”
Sunset nodded. “The Queens firmly believe in the principles of Harmony, of love and tolerance. Of true balance. They may have been enemies before, but now they’re some of the staunchest allies our nation, our WORLD has.”
Hawk, Scarlet, and Duke stared at the ponies. “Okay… What exactly did some of these enemies do?” Hawk asked.
“Well, there’s the changeling hive,” Sunset said. “They’re emotion-eaters. Shapeshifters who feed themselves by absorbing positive emotions, primarily love. Their queen, Chrysalis, led an invasion of our capital, Canterlot. But a rebel named Thorax, who was one of the only members of the hive capable of feeling compassion, eventually helped us change the changelings into a form where they could feel emotions for themselves, could be self-sustaining without having to kidnap other species. Heck, even Chrysalis was reformed.”
“It helped that you thought to create a barrier spell to keep her from leaving after Starlight and Thorax went up to make their pitch,” Rainbow Dash said. “I swear she was just gonna smack Starlight and run off after we were all freed.”
“Hey, it worked, didn’t it?” Sunset said, amused.
“It did,” Twilight said. “And now Chrysalis’s hive is one of the greatest allies Equestria’s ever had. Queen Chrysalis and her young king, Thorax, rule with compassion and caring, helping build a society the changelings never had before.”
“...You converted an ENTIRE ANTAGONISTIC RACE into your allies?!” Hawk asked, incredulous.
“Uhuh!” Twilight said, nodding. “There was also Starlight Glimmer, who once led an anti-individuality cult and then tried to destroy time after we broke it up. She’s now MUCH more emotionally stable and is training to be a guidance councilor at this school I want to build.”
“There’s also Trixie Lulamoon,” Rarity added. “Lovely girl, if a bit on the egotistical side. She’s a performer of stage magic, and after a show gone wrong that left her destitute, she found a magical amulet that corrupted her and made her want to take revenge on all of us for fall. She took over the town we all live in, bu thankfully we were able to get the amulet off of her. She and Starlight are friends now.”
“There’s the Sirens,” Sunset said. “They’re sea monsters that can take on pony form, and have the most beautiful singing voices. They feed off of negative emotions, or they did until Twilight, the girls and I used a special magic to purge all the evil out of them. They still have all their powers, but they don’t need to eat conflict anymore, and are much kinder.”
“My fav is Tempest Shadow,” Rainbow Dash said. “She’s a unicorn with a broken horn, but she’s also a freaking badass. She led an invading army at the behest of a psychopath named the Storm King, who pretty much raised her and lied to her about being able to restore her horn. Once she finally realized he was full of horseapples, thanks to Twilight, she turned on him and helped save Equestria, personally leading the efforts to return all of Storm King’s territories to their rightful owners.”
“Once she helped free every nation she’d enslaved, she came back to work as the captain of my personal guard!” Twilight said proudly.
Duke, Scarlet, and General Hawk were dumbstruck by this. “That’s… impressive, honestly,” General Hawk said. “You’ve managed to reform EVERY villain you’ve come across?”
“Not all,” Twilight said, shaking her head sadly. “We’re still working on Tirek, the demon centaur. Right now we’re trying to hold off Grogar the Necromancer. King Sombra…” She frowned. “I wish we could have saved him…”
“Cozy Glow,” Sunset said softly. Twilight’s head drooped.
Scarlet frowned. “...That particular failure seems to sting the worst.”
“She’s a sociopath,” Rarity said sadly. “She attended school in our hometown of Ponyville, but because of her genius became a secondary personal assistant to Twilight...”
“Cozy cooked up a scheme to steal all of Equestria’s magic for herself and become its supreme ruler,” Rainbow Dash said, clearly unsympathetic towards Cozy. “Would have succeeded, too, if it weren’t for some of our students.”
“When defeated, at trial she showed no remorse, stating that her only regret was that she got caught,” Sunset said. “She gave every indication that she would try this again, and had to be exiled to Tartarus, the supervillain prison.”
Twilight shook her head. “...The worst part? She was a filly. I couldn’t save one little filly.”
Duke blinked. “A KID tried to take over the world?”
Twilight nodded. “It’s why we value reformation over incarceration. If we had just locked up most of our villains, they’d eventually escape and try again. And the idea of killing any of them is… unacceptable.”
The three soldiers looked uncomfortable. Applejack frowned. “I’m guessing you do things differently,” she asked, smiling sadly.
“...Yes,” Scarlet said, deciding to be blunt. “In our world, Tempest would be executed for treason, the Sirens for terrorism, Cozy tried as an adult for terrorism, and Starlight and Trixie would be locked up, most likely forever. We’d be at active war with the Changelings, and most likely attempting to wipe them out. And I don’t like saying this about our species, but in that war, paranoia about Changelings would be so high that someone would probably kill this Thorax you mentioned.”
The ponies look shocked at this.
“Your society sounds… honestly, it sounds idyllic, considering you can take criminals and enemies and make them your friends. But humankind has a long history of warfare with each other, usually for the most inane reasons. Once, we had a man who wanted to exterminate any who didn’t fit his ideals for a perfect society. He targeted one religious group in particular, using them as scapegoats for his country’s problems,” General Hawk said. And now the ponies began to look ill.
“Humans are capable of getting along with each other, and I’d like to believe that most of humanity is good,” Scarlet said. “But there are those out there who thrive on hate. For instance, there are those who’d hate Roadblock for the color of his skin.”
“...Why? He’s so nice, and he’s an amazing cook! How could anypony hate him?” Fluttershy asked.
Scarlet shrugged. “Because they believe those who are ‘white’ instead of ‘black’ are the superior race,” she said.
“...That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of,” Fluttershy said. The other ponies looked shocked, while the humans just grinned. Fluttershy continued, looking honestly baffled. “For one thing, you’re all varying shades of brown. Secondly, how does skin color determine race? That’s so STUPID! It’s like… it’d be like me hating Twilight because she was purple! I could never hate Twilight! Especially for so stupid a reason!” Fluttershy took a moment to calm down.
The others seemed surprised at her outburst. “...Wow,” Rainbow Dash said eventually.
“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said, huffing, “but this just bothers me!”
Hawk chuckled. “If only more people thought like you, ma’am,” he said, making Fluttershy blush. He then continued. “In any case, we’re glad to have met you all. But we have to ask – what is your overall intent with these visits?”
Twilight brightened. “Well, we hope to meet up with your world’s leaders, and perhaps establish trade relations!” When Duke snarled, looking away, and Scarlet and Hawk traded uncomfortable looks, Twilight’s ears drooped. “...Is there a problem with that?”
Scarlet sighed. “Yes, actually. The current president of our country is-”
Duke, not changing his expression or stance, interrupted her. “A moneygrubbing shit-brained fuckwallow who whores his services and power out to whomever pays him enough,” he said.
“Out of line, soldier,” Hawk said, glaring at him.
“I’m sorry, sir,” Duke lied.
Hawk sighed. “...You’re right, but you’re out of line.”
Scarlet shook her head. “Our country’s current president, Roy L. Flush, is… ridiculously corrupt and frighteningly incompetent. We’ve begun the process of impeachment, but with as many senators, state representatives, and other lawmakers he has in his pocket, it’s… difficult,” she said. “In addition, he is very much in bed with corporations who would exploit the environment for money.”
“The gist of it is, while we at this base are fond of you, we’re afraid that if we introduced you to him, he would exploit you and your world,” Hawk said.
The ponies looked disappointed, and more than a little disturbed by the idea of so corrupt a leader. “...So we’ve picked a bad time to come, then?” Sunset said, frowning.
“I’m afraid so,” Hawk said, smiling apologetically. “This entire encounter is going to be filed Top Secret and hidden away so he doesn’t find out about it.”
Fluttershy flew up onto the table and gave the old general a hug. “Still, you thought to warn us instead of letting us make the mistake of moving forward. We’re very grateful.”
Oh my God that’s SO PRECIOUS!! Scarlet thought, unable to fight a grin.
My kingdom for a camera, Duke thought, lamenting the thought that his own cell’s camera was damaged. This is so friggin’ cute.
Fluttershy broke the hug after a moment, rejoining the group, while Hawk coughed and recovered himself. Twilight smiled. “Well… if nothing else, I’d like to offer a chance to visit our world. You may not be able to share the experience with your leaders, but at least it’ll be an experience.”
Hawk, Scarlet, and Duke looked at each other, mentally considering it. “...I don’t see the harm in it, really,” Scarlet said.
“It wouldn’t be fair to the men to not give them this chance, considering that they were willing to visit us,” Duke offered.
Hawk nodded. “We’ll arrange something,” he said. The ponies seemed pleased by this. “Is there anything else? Or can we push the people snooping at the door out of the way and let you get home?”
There was a loud thumping as the snooping Joes tripped over themselves while trying to flee. Duke snorted laughter while Scarlet just shook her head in amusement. The ponies looked amused as well.
“Thank you for your hospitality,” Twilight said. “We’ll contact you when we can work things out on our end.”
“Much appreciated, ma’am,” Hawk said. He then paused, asking, “...Will we be allowed to bring weapons?”
Twilight blinked, the other ponies looking worried. “What?” she asked.
Scarlet knew where Hawk was going with this. “As you’ve noticed, we have no personal magic. I know you’ll try to keep us safe, but you’ve said you’re in open conflict with a necromancer. We’ll need something to defend ourselves if worse comes to worse,” she said.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked doubtful, while Rarity and Fluttershy traded concerned looks. Sunset and Twilight spoke quietly to one another for a few moments before Twilight said, “We’ll have to ask Queen Celestia and Queen Luna, our rulers, if you can. With the reasoning you’ve given, you’ll probably be given permission.” The others seemed to relax at this statement.
Hawk nodded. “I just want my men to be safe, is all,” he said.
“Understandable,” Twilight said, smiling. “And thank you for asking first.”
Hawk nodded. “Duke? Escort these fine ladies back to the portal,” he said. “Scarlet, you stay here so we can discuss this.”
Scarlet nodded, Duke saluting and then leaving with the ponies. Before they left, the ponies turned to Hawk and Scarlet and said, in perfect unison, “May Harmony forever be your guide.” They then turned, walking out of the office, chatting amiably with Duke and one another.
Once they were out of earshot, Hawk closed the door to his office and sighed. “Well. Impressions?” he asked.
“Their society, based on what I’ve heard, feels… distressingly naive to me,” Scarlet said. “Maybe it’s just my own cynicism showing, but I think keeping away from President Flush is the right idea. We’re still investigating his possible connections to Arbco Industries...”
Hawk nodded. “The fact that they’ve made so many terrorists into their allies, though, says something for their philosophy,” he said.
“It says that their world is a freaking Saturday morning cartoon and all of their villains probably just needed a hug,” Scarlet said. After a moment, she amended, “Well, except for Tirek, Cozy Glow, and King Sombra, apparently. Whomever or whatever they are.”
Hawk nodded. “Still, it couldn’t hurt to have them as an ally. We learn about their world, examine the odd similarities we’ve noticed so far, see what these ponies are capable of, and do what we can to stay in their good graces,” he said.
“I agree,” Scarlet said. “I think a small unit would be best, though. Ten or eleven max.”
Hawk nodded. “Duke should lead it. He’s always been good at diplomacy, and did well in the Star Brigade program,” he said.
“I want to send Snake Eyes and Spirit as well,” Scarlet said. “Both of them are borderline supernatural anyway, so their input will be invaluable on the nature of magic in that world.”
“That private that met Sunset Shimmer, he should go,” Hawk added, thinking aloud. “And Rock n’ Roll. He fell in love with them instantly.”
“Mutt and Junkyard,” Scarlet said. “While on the tour, they all seemed to bond well with the animals. Junkyard especially was a hit.”
“Lady Jaye should go to act as our intelligence officer for the unit… Mainframe and Lifeline should go to get a technical and medical perspective for us… Roadblock will probably insist on going, wanting to sample their cuisine,” Hawk said, looking thoughtful. “And it wouldn’t hurt to have a heavy gunner on the team.”
“...You want to send Beach Head, who lives on a steady diet of the pain and fear of greenshirts all over the base, who is worshiped in a small Polynesian island as a god of Discipline, to Magical Happy Doodle Friendship Pony Land.”
“Yes,” Scarlet said, grinning widely. “One, because it will be hilarious, and two, because seeing how they deal with him will be a perfect way to test their philosophy.”
“...Anyone ever tell you that you have a sadistic streak?” Hawk asked.
“Kamakura did when he walked in on Snake Eyes and I last week,” Scarlet said, grinning and blushing a little.
“...Do I want to know?” Hawk said.
“Probably not. We were violating some major fraternization regs that night,” Scarlet said unashamedly.
Twilight Sparkle sat before the Thrones of the Sky, reporting on her current trip to the G.I. Joe base to Queen Celestia and Queen Luna.
“...And that’s it,” Twilight finished. “Meeting their leaders seems like a bad idea. They do want to come visit us, though.”
Queen Luna, the dark alicorn lounging on her shadowy throne, frowned. “They will probably be wanting to examine our own military capabilities...” she said.
Queen Celestia nodded, the bright alicorn sitting up straight on her shining throne. “Still, they’ve given us no reason to distrust them. They’ve treated us kindly, and from what we can see, their troops are friendly.”
Queen Luna sighed. “True, true… I am just bitter about our attempt to contact another world and establish a cultural exchange with them not working...”
Queen Celestia leaned over to nuzzle her sister. “Still, we’re getting something out of it – we’re making new friends,” she said.
Queen Luna chuckled. “Indeed,” she said. “We’ve ruled together for over a thousand years, Celestia, and always, Friendship and Harmony have brought great things to our nation and our world.”
Queen Celestia nodded, turning to Twilight. “When the portal has recharged,” she said, “let the G.I. Joes know that they may bring SOME weapons over, enough to defend themselves. They are welcome in Equestria, and shall be treated as our guests.”
Twilight grinned happily. “Thank you, your Majesties!”
Friendship is G.I. Chapter 5: Pony Joes by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ G.I. Joe base... Three days later… Armory... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Eleven soldiers gathered up supplies and weapons as they prepared to head to an alternate reality. They were all in varying moods. Some were excited, glad for the opportunity to go see a new world and all that entailed. Some were stoic, interested but seeing it simply as another job to accomplish. A very interesting job, true, but still, a job. One of them, Private Conner, was simply in awe of the fact that he was getting to work with the big names of the team.
“You doin’ okay, Private Conner?” Duke asked, the handsome blonde field leader smiling warmly.
“Just a little overwhelmed, sir,” the greenshirt said, adjusting his uniform. “I just joined a few weeks ago, and now I’m going into an alien world on a diplomatic visit.”
Duke chuckled. “Life’s like that sometimes,” he said. “You just have to take the strange and treat it as normal.” He ruffled the private’s hair, Private Conner relaxing a little.
“Right. Take going to colorful horseland and treat it as normal,” Private Conner said.
Snake-Eyes started to sign something. Private Conner gave him a helpless look, not understanding sign language. Duke nodded, and translated. “Duke does have a point. In my own life, even before I came across G.I. Joe, I encountered the strange and unusual. And you have to admit, fighting Cobra does require a bit of quirkiness in your life.”
“I guess that makes sense. Although I’ve never really encountered any Cobras yet,” Private Conner said.
“Give it time, kid,” Mainframe said. “You’ll get snakes up the booty one way or another.”
“I actually did get someone with a snake up their rectum one time,” Lifeline said, thinking out loud.
Everyone turned to look at the medic. “...I don’t suppose we could ask who?” Rock n’ Roll said, a cheeky grin on his face.
“Doctor-patient privilege, Rock,” Lifelife said, quirking an amused eyebrow up from behind his green glasses. “But suffice to say, beer leads to stupid ideas. Such as greenshirts listening to some of our more colorful characters when they’ve had a few.”
“THAT makes sense,” Roadblock said.
“Ten to one it was Shipwreck or Dusty that made the greenshirt do it,” Rock n’ Roll said. When Lifeline just smirked, both heavy gunners laughed.
Off to one side, Spirit and Lady Jaye watched the exchange with amusement. Lady Jaye was checking her spears, while Spirit was putting throwing knives in the holsters in his legs. The tracker had left his eagle, Freedom, in the care of his bunkmates, deciding not to bring him on this trip. “Hopefully this goes well,” Lady Jaye said. “I wish we could do more than just visit for a week, but with the way things are now...”
Spirit shook his head. “At this point, I would accept a peaceful encounter with another world. With Cobra’s space program gaining traction, I’m afraid we’ll find ourselves at war with a species that would have otherwise been friendly.”
Lady Jaye gave him an amused look. “You seem rather accepting of the fact that we aren’t alone in the universe,” she said.
Spirit raised an eyebrow. “I am a spiritual man, I admit. I believe that everything that lives has its own spirit and will,” he said. “I also am a fan of Star Wars, Star Trek, and Mass Effect.”
Lady Jaye grinned. “Aren’t you full of surprises?” she said.
“I do not mention my love of sci-fi to many,” Spirit said solemnly, a smirk flickering at the edge of his mouth. “I simply enjoy without subscribing to any fandom, and do not wish to be drawn into debates.”
Lady Jaye nodded. “That’s fine,” she said. “But if you ever do want to talk, I’ve played the Mass Effect games myself.”
Spirit blinked. “Now THAT is surprising,” he said. “I didn’t take you for one to be into games.”
“I appreciate good storytelling,” Lady Jaye said, grinning. “If it’s something like Battlefield or Fortnite, then I’m not into it.”
Spirit nodded. “A respectable way of viewing it,” he said.
Lady Jaye nodded as well. After a moment, a grin creeped onto her face and she said, “...So who’d you have your Shepards romance?”
Lady Jaye chuckled. “I went for Thane for my female Shepard, Jack for my male,” she said.
Spirit shook his head. “I considered Thane. But his story reminded me too much of my grandfather,” he said. “Too depressing.”
Lady Jaye frowned. “I’m sorry...”
Spirit made a dismissive gesture. “He led a good life and died without regrets despite his lung cancer,” he said. “But I thank you for your concern.”
Nearby, Mutt was brushing Junkyard’s fur, looking at Spirit and Lady Jaye in amazement. “Didn’t know those two were into vidya games,” he said.
Beach Head grunted. “Everyone’s got somethin’ they like to do in their free time,” he said, the ranger visibly grumpy.
Mutt shrugged. “I guess,” he said. “I’m more into animals than vidya games, although I always was curious about Pokemon.” He smirked at Beach Head. “Lemme guess – your hobby is figuring out new ways to make greenshirts have nightmares about you.”
Beach Head managed to look amused despite his horrible mood. “That’s my job, staff sergeant,” he said. “If you must know, I enjoy nature walks.”
“With the way you smell half the time, you fit right in with nature,” Mutt cracked, knowing what would come next and not caring. Junkyard barked in agreement. “See? Even Junkyard thinks you smell funny.”
“I’m sorry, what was that? ‘I want to run laps on an obstacle course fulla ant hills in nothing but my underwear and a thick coating of honey?’ Well, that’s an odd request, Mutt, but I’m pretty sure I can accommodate you,” Beach Head snarled.
Mutt was surprised at the viciousness of the statement. “You got somethin’ sticking in your craw, Beach?”
Beach Head snorted. “Just… wondering what I did to piss Scarlet off,” he said. “I ain’t the type that fits a diplomatic mission. Put me on a battlefield, I’m cooler than goddamn Ice Cream Soldier. But stick me in a room with a bunch of diplomats… especially ALIEN diplomats… especially HUGGY alien diplomats...” He shook his head.
“Scarlet wouldn’t have sent you if she didn’t believe in you,” Mutt said, deciding to be encouraging. Junkyard went over and rubbed up against Beach Head’s legs, smiling a happy doggy smile at him.
Beach Head grunted again, patting Junkyard, who barked happily. “I’m still not happy about it,” he muttered. “I just have a weird feeling that something’s gonna go wrong...”
Duke called over to him. “It will if you keep having that attitude,” he said. “This is a rare moment, Beach. And we all get the opportunity to be the first humans to set foot on an alien planet. Why not celebrate that?”
“It’s not like I can brag it back to the family in Auburn, Duke,” Beach Head said. “This whole thing feels hinky. I don’t like it.”
Snake-Eyes signed something to Beach Head, who snorted. “Same to you,” he told the ninja, who just laughed in his silent, huffing way.
“Hey, Private Conner?” said a voice. The Private turned, spotting Barbecue leaning out of a hallway. He was wearing his full uniform, helmet and all. “Mind if we chat in private a sec?”
Duke looked over to the firefighter. “What’s up?” he asked.
“Ehh, the kid’s nervous,” Barbecue said, the Bostonian native’s accent thick. “I figure I’d give him a bit of a pep talk, y’know? It might help if it comes from someone he isn’t heading to an alien world with.”
Duke and Lady Jaye traded looks. “I don’t see the harm,” Lady Jaye said. Duke nodded, Private Conner smiling gratefully.
Barbecue nodded. “Thanks a mil, Duke. I won’t keep the kid long,” he said. Barbecue and Private Conner walked off, leaving the group for a moment.
Duke shook his head. “Poor kid,” he said. “Got thrown into the big time early.”
Lady Jaye smiled. “He’ll be fine,” she said. “We’ll look out for him.”
Duke nodded, and looked over the group. “Remember, light weapons people,” he said. “We’re being allowed to take enough to defend ourselves, but that’s it.”
Beach Head nodded. “Right. So don’t be carrying twenty pounds of hidden weapons,” he said to Snake-Eyes.
“Says the man who has five pistols hidden on his person,” Snake-Eyes signed back. Beach Head just snorted, conceding the point.
“It is amazing that you can convey snark through sign language,” Rock n’ Roll said, loading his machine gun.
“Man’s got some skills, no question,” Roadblock said, loading his own. “But until he can outcook me in the kitchen, he’s still just a scrub.”
“You’re just jealous because I’m dating the hottest woman on base,” Snake-Eyes signed.
“Incorrect,” Flint said, coming up behind Lady Jaye and pulling her close, kissing the brunette intelligence officer on the cheek. She smiled, turning around to give him a more intimate kiss. Once they broke the kiss, Flint smiled. “Just thought I’d see you off.”
“How gentlemanly,” Lady Jaye said, smiling, hands around Flint’s waist, one hand on his ass.
Mainframe rolled his eyes. “Get a room, you two,” the technician taunted.
“This is a room,” Flint and Lady Jaye said, Mainframe rolling his eyes and laughing. A few moments later, Scarlet and General Hawk both walked into the room, everyone standing up and saluting. Scarlet immediately went to Snake-Eyes, kissing the ninja on the cheek as the two began to talk in sign language.
Hawk looked over the rest of the team chosen for this mission. “At ease, everyone,” he said. Once they were relaxed, Hawk looked around. “Private Conner not here?”
“Barbecue was walking by, decided to give him a private pep talk,” Duke said.
Hawk looked thoughtful. “Hm. Guess Barbecue cut his leave short… Ah well, his prerogative,” he said. As if on cue, though, Private Conner stepped back in. He immediately saluted once he noticed the general, Hawk chuckling. “At ease, soldier.”
Private Conner nodded, lowering his hand. He still wasn’t at ease. Duke chuckled, patting him on the shoulder and guiding the scared young soldier to sit down.
Hawk smiled. “I don’t think I have to emphasize how important this is,” he said. “You’re all under enough pressure already. But this is a true first contact scenario. We may be warning against coming to our world, but it is still an important day for all mankind, in showing that at least some of us can be trusted. We chose you because we feel you can best represent us and our values to the visitors. I wish you all the best of luck. May you come home safely, and may your mission be completed successfully.”
“SIR! YES SIR!” the soldiers chorused.
Hawk nodded. “It’s almost time for the portal to open. Let’s move out,” he said. Gathering their equipment and supplies, the soldiers followed General Hawk out. They followed the older man to the motor pool, several others having gathered there to watch.
After a few minutes of waiting, the portal swirled to life again, this time tall enough to accommodate a human, although Roadblock, Spirit, and Beach Head would still have to duck a little to get in. Standing on one side of the portal was Twilight Sparkle, the cheerful alicorn standing in a circle of runes with a nearby device off to one side. Rainbow Dash was there as well, as was Rarity.
Hawk nodded to her. “Your Highness,” he said, saluting respectfully. “The rest of your party not with you today?”
Twilight shook her head. “Applejack has responsibilities at home today, while Sunset has duties in Canterlot to fulfill. Fluttershy runs an animal sanctuary, so her time is limited. Spike and Pinkie Pie are preparing tonight’s reception. And given their difference in party preferences, it’s… a bit of a battle between Pinkie and the royal celebration planners,” she said, giggling.
“Tell her I sympathize. I don’t have much patience for pretentious soirees anyway,” Duke said, earning a chuckle from the princess, a smirk of respect from Rainbow Dash, a chorus of laughs and amens from the gathered soldiers, and an annoyed eye roll from Rarity.
Hawk smiled. “I have some concerns about communication...” he said.
Twilight Sparkle grinned. “Already thought of that,” she said, levitating a large journal with runes inscribed into the cover in it. “This journal will allow for communication between your world and ours. It already has the translation spell we’re using to communicate with each other in it, so our language will translate to yours, and vice-versa. Let us demonstrate.” She nodded to Rarity, who levitated over a similar journal and wrote in it.
Hawk’s journal glowed, and he opened it, revealing Rarity’s message in very neat cursive. “I hope you are having a wonderful day, darlings.”
“Huh,” Hawk said. “You have very neat writing, Miss Rarity.”
“Thank you, General,” Rarity said, batting her eyelashes at him.
“I am VERY interested in how that works,” Mainframe said, the technician’s eyes almost shining with excitement.
Twilight grinned. “We’ll have plenty of time to show you,” she said, motioning for the soldiers to step through.
Duke looked to his unit, and nodded to them. “Let’s move out, Joes.” Gathering up their equipment and holstering their weapons, Beach Head grumbling the whole time, they stepped through the portal.
Almost immediately, they were shocked. The colors here were so much brighter! Far more saturated. It felt for many as if they had gone into a painting, or even a brilliantly animated cartoon. Even their own colors were brighter and more saturated.
“It’s… amazing...” Duke said, looking around at the bright blue sky and leafy green of the trees.
“In my dreams alone I have seen such beauty...” Spirit said softly.
“Oh wow...” Rock n’ Roll said, in awe.
Junkyard was barking happily, tail wagging rapidly as he strained against his harness leash, trying to sniff at everything. Mutt grinned. “Well, Junk certainly approves of this place.”
Mainframe, meanwhile was looking over the runes and pillars used to set up the portal on this side, wishing desperately that he understood spellcraft better. “I have SO many questions,” he said softly.
Lady Jaye smiled. “It’s beautiful...” she said, grinning widely. Snake-Eyes nodded in agreement, the ninja clearly awed by the landscape.
“Feels like a Crayola box exploded,” Beach Head muttered, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the brightness.
“Are you going to be a grump this entire trip?” Lifeline said.
“Yes,” Beach Head said flatly.
“You remind me of a friend of ours,” Rarity said. “His name is Cranky, and he’s a donkey.”
“You shut up,” Beach Head immediately growled to Rock n’ Roll and Roadblock, who were visibly struggling not to say anything.
Rarity giggled. “He’s just as stubbornly grumpy as you are. But he’s also a dear and trustworthy friend.”
Beach Head, mollified, relaxed a little. “Thank you, ma’am,” he said.
Lifeline shook his head, and looked around, taking in everything. “The air feels so clean...” he said, amazing.
“Yeah. We do have industry, but its not as widespread as yours. Plus magic lets us do a lot by working directly with nature,” Rainbow Dash said. “Not as much need for smokestacks and the like.”
“...Your masks,” a guard said, looking at Beach Head and Snake-Eyes. “You’ll need to take them off in the presence of Queen Celestia and Queen Luna. Helmets will need to be removed as well, since you are soldiers greeting royalty.”
The Joes traded uncomfortable looks. “...I don’t mind takin’ my balaclava off, but Snake has a reason for keeping his on,” Beach Head said.
Snake-Eyes looked visibly tense. General Hawk leaned through the portal. “Princess Twilight, I’m asking you to make a concession in this matter,” he said. “Snake-Eyes is a good soldier, but he prefers to be masked at all times when in public.”
Princess Twilight frowned. It was against the rules, technically… “I don’t see the harm,” Rarity said. “It completes his ensemble quite nicely.”
“Yeah. He’s the freakin’ coolest-looking member of the team, Twi,” Rainbow Dash said, Snake-Eyes’s grin visible beneath his mask. “I think we can let it go.”
Twilight thought for a moment, and nodded. “I’ll send message on ahead,” she said. “Don’t worry, Snake-Eyes. You’ll be able to keep it on.”
Snake-Eyes bowed gratefully. “Thank you,” he signed, silently relieved. He really didn’t want to show off his utter ruin of a face to these friendly, colorful creatures.
General Hawk nodded, stepping back away from the portal. One of the scientist ponies working the portal turned to Twilight. “Your highness, the power-levels,” she said.
Twilight nodded. “General? We’re closing the portal now. You’ll be able to keep in contact with everyone through the journal,” she said.
“Understood,” he said, turning towards his men and saluting. “Good luck, soldiers. Make me proud. Yo Joe!”
“YO JOE!” the soldiers chorused back. The portal sparked, and swirled shut, leaving Joes on the other side alone with the ponies.
It was a heady feeling, knowing that they were essentially stuck here until the portal reopened. Private Conner was the most visibly nervous. He looked around at the others, all of them seemingly calm, and in the case of Spirit, almost blissful.
“Spirit, sir?” Private Conner asked. “Are you okay?”
Spirit blinked, and smiled. “Forgive me. But this place… I feel closer to the natural world then I ever have back home… It’s a wonderful feeling.”
Twilight smiled. “You and I must talk later,” she said. “Because what you’ve said just now? Is pretty close to what magic feels like.”
“No fair becoming a wizard before the rest of us,” Mainframe teased, the group laughing.
Private Conner just smiled weakly. Spirit patted him on the shoulder. “Do not fear, young Private. Everything will be fine,” he said.
“I hope so...” Private Conner said.
“Come on,” Twilight said. “The chariots taking us to the palace are nearby.”
“We aren’t close?” Duke asked.
“That makes sense, though,” Mainframe said. “If you’re conducting an experiment with potentially volatile energy, you don’t want it near your headquarters in case it goes kaboom.”
Twilight nodded. “Exactly,” she said, she, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity leaving the scientists and guards to their encampment as they led the Joes to a trio of large chariots being pulled by pegasi. Twilight got in one with Duke, Mutt, Junkyard, Spirit, and Private Conner. Rarity got in one with Roadblock, Beach Head, and Lady Jaye. Rainbow Dash floated next to the one that held Snake-Eyes, Rock n’ Roll, Lifeline, and Mainframe.
“Ridin’ in style,” Beach Head said. “Not bad, not bad...”
“You not riding with us, Rainbow Dash?” Lifeline asked.
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Eeeh. The travel chariots move too slowly through the air for me. I’ll go on ahead and have things set up for you at the palace.”
“Wait, through the air?” Beach Head said, looking uneasy.
“Honestly, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity huffed. “It’s always rush rush rush with you. Can’t you take the time to just sit back and relax for once?”
“No,” Rainbow Dash said, smirking, as she dashed off in a streak of color.
Mutt grimaced. “I’d like to address the whole flying thing,” he said.
“Not to worry,” Twilight said. “You won’t fall out. Just hold on!” And with that, the chariots took off, the pegasi carrying the soldiers high into the air, leaving several of them holding on tight. It would be an interesting trip to Canterlot, that much was certain…
Friendship is G.I. Chapter 6: A Royal Welcome by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ The sky… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
It had been a shock at first, but most of the Joes had adjusted to flying in the chariots, although they all seemed rather nervous.
“You sure you’re okay?” Twilight asked.
Duke grimaced. “Apologies,” he said. “Most of us are used to flying in planes, not chariots with open backs that you could easily fall out of.” The lightest vehicle he had ever flown in was a jet pack, and then he had control.
Twilight frowned. “It really is safe...” she said.
Spirit was the most relaxed, even seeming to enjoy himself as he leaned into the breeze, his braids flapping in the wind. “Do not fear,” he said. “The wind is with us, I feel.”
“Easy for you to say,” Mutt said, sitting down in the chariot and hugging Junkyard, who seemed far to eager to look over the side of their conveyance.
Beach Head was holding onto his chariot for dear life. He was trained to fly in jets, but he was a ground-pounder by choice. Being in an air vehicle this open was making him nervous. He glanced around, seeing others in similar positions. Rock n’ Roll and Lifeline were both crouched down like Mutt was, Roadblock looking seasick. Private Conner was clinging to Duke, who was doing his best to stay upright. Lady Jaye seemed to be holding her own, although she was visibly uneasy and kept glancing towards the back, and Mainframe seemed annoyingly fascinated by the whole process. And of course, Snake-Eyes showed no reaction, the ninja standing stock still with his arms folded, the wind flowing over his streamlined suit easily.
Friggin’ ninjas, Beach Head thought. Probably asleep, for all I know.
Everyone’s attention was distracted from their issues with the air chariots when they approached a shining city on the side of a mountain. “Beautiful...” Lady Jaye said softly.
Twilight smiled. “That’s Canterlot. The capital of Equestria,” she said. The Joes were too distracted to take note of the horse pun.
“How in the world is it not collapsing down the mountain?” Mainframe asked, visibly confused. “With the way its hanging out, any support struts would be heavily weighed down. Especially with… is that a river flowing through it?!”
“There’s heavy magical reinforcement,” Twilight said. “After you meet the Queens, I’d be happy to show you around.”
“Oh yes, darlings!” Rarity said excited. “Our hometown of Ponyville is quite lovely, but Canterlot is the cultural center of our nation! There’s so many restaurants, boutiques (including my own), and wondrous historical sights to see!”
Duke smiled. “We’ll see how things go,” he said. He glanced down to Private Conner, who had stopped clinging fearfully to him. It was starting to get awkward. They set down in the city, Beach Head pulling up his balaclava to fully reveal his face, leaving it as a knit cap instead. The Joes all took in the sights, lavish buildings and richly dressed ponies all three tribes watching with fascination as they landed. Eventually, they ended up in the courtyard of a massive castle. Checking to make sure their gear was holstered or otherwise stored away, they stepped out, Roadblock visibly happy to be on the ground again.
“Don’t care how, don’t care why, this Joe only gets in planes to fly!” he said.
Twilight gave him a curious look. “Rhyming?”
Roadblock chuckled. “Sorry. I only do it when I’m nervous nowadays,” he said. “Did it all the time for a couple years ‘cause I thought it made me sound cool.”
“It didn’t,” Rock n’ Roll said, smirking. “It really didn’t.”
“Mind the sass, or next time I make cookies I give your share to Beach Head,” Roadblock warned.
“I wouldn’t mind that. You make damn good cookies,” Beach Head said, smirking.
“You are both horrible people,” Rock n’ Roll grumped, the other Joes laughing.
Rainbow Dash glided down towards them. “Finally,” she said. “Thought you guys were never gonna get here.”
“Some ponies like to see the sights as they travel, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, quirking her eyebrow at the rainbow-hued pegasus.
Rainbow Dash snorted. “Yeah. I call them ‘slow,’” she said, chuckling at her own joke, Rarity rolling her eyes. “Anyway. Everything’s set up inside. The Queens, Sunset, the Wonderbolt commanders, some nobles who insisted on being there because snobs… Had some folks I didn’t know were coming show up too.”
Twilight blinked. “Really? Who?”
Rainbow Dash grinned. “You’ll see,” she said. “Let’s go.”
Rarity and Twilight both frowned, but decided to roll with it. Even Rainbow Dash wouldn’t pull a prank in the presence of so many members of the nobility, right? The Joes followed them inside, in awe of the beautiful surroundings.
“The artistry in the columns alone...” Lady Jaye said softly.
Twilight smiled. “Some of the finest craftsponies in Equestria built the palace,” she said. “There’s a lot of history here.”
Rainbow Dash almost kicked open a door in front of them. “Here’s the AWESOME history, though.”
“Ah,” Rarity said, amused. “The Hall of the Elements.”
“Hall of the Elements?” Private Conner asked, curious.
“Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and I represent the six Elements of Harmony. Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter, Honesty, and Magic, with Spike as the Guardian. The first five create the sixth, and are born of Friendship, which our society is founded on,” Twilight said as they entered. The Hall itself had statues of the Six as well as Spike, all in poses suitable to them. Rainbow Dash’s statue was dynamically posed, looking as if it was ready to take off. Applejack’s was tipping her stetson in a friendly manner, while Pinkie Pie’s had a bright, wide smile on it, a party hat on its head. Fluttershy’s was smiling demurely, its eyes half-hidden by its mane, and Rarity’s was posed elegantly. Spike had a scroll and a sardonic grin on his face, while Twilight stood in the center, wings spread dramatically.
Lining the walls were stained glass windows, each depicting the six in a dramatic event. Mainframe’s attention was drawn to one with a rather mismatched creature on it. “Who’s this?” he asked.
“Discord, the God of Chaos,” Rarity said. “He’s become rather fun to be around, but when we first met him...” She trailed off, shivering.
“The weirdo loves his pranks… Problem was, back then, they usually involved reality warping, body horror, and doing stuff to your head that I don’t like thinking about,” Rainbow Dash muttered, the Joes trading uneasy looks.
“Discord was the reason we all got together,” Twilight said. “I’d only started making friends with everyone after the Queens reassigned me to Ponyville to manage the Summer Nights Celebration. We eventually came together, realizing how much we needed each other, which gave us the strength to reawaken the Elements of Harmony and defeat him.”
“After that,” Rarity said, gesturing to each of the windows, “it becomes something of a long story, darlings.”
“We’d love to hear it, if there’s time,” Lady Jaye said, smiling.
“Hopefully things will go well,” Twilight said. They left the hall, Rainbow Dash pointing out adventures that glorified her in particular. She failed to notice Beach Head’s increasing annoyance with her. Finally, they made their way to the main hall. Inside was the strangest menagerie of creatures the Joes had ever seen. And considering the lives they had led, that was saying something.
Sitting on the thrones in the center of the room were two winged unicorns, like Twilight. One was huge, almost the size of a regular horse, with a white coat and flowing mane and tail the color of an aurora. A sun adorned her flanks, and a benevolent smile was on her face. The other, the smaller of the two, was a deep, midnight blue, her flanks adorned with a crescent moon in patches of dark sky. Her mane and tail resembled clouds of night sky, with stars glittering inside them. Both wore peytrals, hoofcuffs, and tiaras, gold for the larger, light blue for the smaller. A third alicorn, bright pink and wearing regal robes, stood beside a white-coated, blue maned unicorn stallion wearing what the Joes guessed was a military dress uniform. Standing around them were more unicorns, glad in regal garb, many of them with expressions of arrogance that made Beach Head want to punch all of them, especially the tall, blonde-maned one. The only one who didn’t look like a snob was a monocle-wearing unicorn with a blue mane and a stylish mustache. Sunset stood between the two winged unicorns and the regular unicorns, smiling warmly at the soldiers.
Standing beside the Queens, though, was a tall, blue dragoness with an impressive wingspan, wielding a scepter with a red crystal in it. Next to her was a black, insectoid-like creature with brightly colored antlers and a frown on his face. From the way he held himself, the Joes could tell that he was a soldier.
“Oh my God, everything’s so cute!” Rock n’ Roll said quietly. “The big ponies are cute, the bug pony is cute, the dragon is cute...”
“Hush,” Lifeline said. Although from the amused reactions of the queens and the pink alicorn, and the mildly amused/annoyed expressions of the bug pony and the dragon, they heard Rock n’ Roll’s comment.
Sunset bowed. “Honored soldiers of G.I. Joe, I welcome you on behalf of our noble and mighty Queens to Equestria. You are our honored guests while you are here, and we shall endeavor to make your stay a pleasant one.”
Duke saluted, the other Joes following suit, although a stunned Private Conner had to be reminded to join in the salute. Several of the gathered nobles bowed, and began chatting quietly among themselves as they looked them over. The bug pony and the unicorn in military dress seemed to approve of what they saw, nodding and smirking after a moment, while the dragoness still seemed uncertain, narrowing her eyes as she looked them over. The pink alicorn gave them the most stared at all them, smiling a little when she looked at Lady Jaye and Snake-Eyes. The blonde, pompous-looking unicorn had a growing scowl on his face.
Sunset fluffed her wings, Twilight stepping up to the platform with her. “May I present to you their Majesties Queen Celestia and Queen Luna, the Sisters of the Sky, Eternal Rulers of Equestria for the past five thousand years!” she said, smiling happily.
That definitely caught Lifeline’s interest. Immortals? They showed no signs of age…
Celestia, the larger of the two alicorns, smiled and nodded in greeting, while Luna, the smaller yawned. She then blushed, a sheepish look on her face. “Forgive me,” Luna said. “Our powers are tied to the day and the night respectively, and as such our sleep cycles are in a similar situation. It is difficult for me to be awake at this hour.”
Mainframe stepped forward. “I’ve worked the night shift many times myself, your Majesty,” he said, “as have many of us. We understand perfectly.”
Luna grinned. Twilight stepped forward, continuing the introductions. “You have already met Princess Sunset Shimmer, seneschal to the Queens.”
Sunset smiled. “It’s good to see you all again,” she said.
Twilight gestured to the pink alicorn and the blue maned unicorn. “The Empress and Emperor Elect of the Crystal Empire, Mi Amore Cadenza and my brother, Shining Armor,” she declared.
“It’s an honor to receive you,” the pink alicorn said. “On behalf of our nations, I bid you welcome. And while I’d like to dispense with the formalities, I know Twilight will get fidgety if we don’t follow her outline.”
Twilight blushed, Shining Armor ruffling the smaller alicorn’s hair. Cadenza smiled. “So instead of insisting on just my nickname, you may refer to me as Empress Cadance.”
“Thank you,” Lady Jaye said. “You honor us with the privilege.”
Cadance just nodded, smiling. Twilight went back to her introductions. “Prince-General Pharynx of the Changeling Swarm, Chief of Internal Security, Fierce Right Hoof of King Thorax and the reformed Queen Chrysalis,” she said, gesturing to the bug pony.
Pharynx just nodded. “Should be interesting to see what soldiers from another world are like,” he said.
“We’ll try and live up to your expectations, sir,” Duke said, saluting.
Pharynx nodded. Twilight moved on to the dragoness. “Queen Ember, Lord and Master of all Dragonkind,” the purple alicorn declared.
“And if any of you think yourselves dragonslayers, good luck,” Ember said, sneering. “I’ll stomp any one of you.” The nobles, save for the mustached one, looked offended by Ember’s comment, while Pharynx just rolled his eyes, the Queens, Cadance, and Shining looking amused.
Lady Jaye, ever the strategist, was able to read the situation and realize what Ember was going for. “Well, you certainly know how to make friends,” she snarked, tapping her nose and making a gesture behind her back to Snake-Eyes. The ninja nodded, discreetly backing into the shadows of the hall as Lady Jaye stepped forward boldly, folding her arms and smirking, making sure all attention was on her.
Some of the nobleponies looked shocked at this, Ember grinning slowly. “Friendship is for ponies,” she said. “I give respect to the strong. You think you can measure up?”
“Strong in might or strong in skill? Because you may have the might,” Lady Jaye said, grinning as Snake-Eyes reappeared behind Ember and booped her in the muzzle, “but I think we have the skill on our side.”
“How the heck!?” Ember said, her wings flaring as Snake-Eyes flipped off of the dais and rejoined his teammates, fistbumping Rock n’ Roll and Roadblock in amusement. The other nobleponies were shocked as well.
“Didn’t even see him move...” Pharynx said, visibly impressed.
“Our associate here is a ninja, and one of our finest,” Lady Jaye said. “I figured we’d let him show off a little.”
Rainbow Dash looked visibly excited. The blue-maned noblepony with the mustache chuckled. “He’s certainly an impressive one,” he said, adjusting his monocle. Ember chuckled, finally smiling, deciding she approved of the humans. The blonde noblepony just scowled.
Queen Celestia chuckled. “I can appreciate the gesture, but next timte, give us warning, please,” she said, gesturing the armored guards who were all looking at Snake-Eyes with alarm.
“Apologies,” Lady Jaye said. “It won’t happen again under our orders.”
The Queens both understood immediately, trading amused looks. Luna yawned again and shook her head. Twilight, fidgeting a little, looked to Celestia, who nodded as she began to introduce the various nobleponies. The only two that really stood out to the Joes were the arrogant-looking one, Prince Blueblood, and the monocle-wearing noblepony, Fancy Pants.
Queen Celestia nodded regally. “We are pleased to have you here, and hope that this meeting can be the beginning of a true friendship between your world an ours,” she said.
The Joes all traded pained looks. “...Which brings us to the reason we agreed,” Duke said. “We’ve come to discourage attempting to establish relationships with our world.”
Ears drooped from the ponies, and the pompous blonde looked even more irritated. “You spoke of this to Princess Twilight,” Luna said. “Forgive me, but we must ask again… Is it really that bad?”
“The current leader of our country is… ridiculously corrupt,” Lady Jaye said. “We’re trying to oust him, but its taking time.”
“The general situation in our world altogether is unstable,” Duke said. “Especially in our country, which is run by a heartless, racist, homophobic, power-hungry, money-worshiping-” Duke winced as Lady Jaye poked him HARD in the side. Duke coughed, and continued. “We worry he might try to exploit your world and its resources for political and monetary gain. Quite frankly, your society seems idyllic in comparison to ours at the moment. We’d be much more comfortable if your people weren’t exposed to our world.”
Twilight looked especially crestfallen. She’d heard it before, but hoped that something would have changed. All the ponies looked rather unhappy, while Ember and Pharynx looked uncertain. Eventually, Sunset stepped forward.
“You’ll forgive us if we’re not pleased with this news,” Sunset said. “This project was meant to be an attempt to share our values with other worlds, to foster even greater Harmony. To have a failure right off...”
Mainframe stepped forward. “Science rarely gets results the first time around,” he said. “This time was a failure, sure, but you got the best case scenario out of this failure – a warning from people who wouldn’t mind being friends.”
The ponies in the room all brightened at this. “This is true. Well,” Queen Celestia said. “Then in the spirit of friendship and Harmony, let us show our appreciation for this warning by-”
“Why are you masked?” Blueblood asked, glaring at Snake-Eyes.
Snake-Eyes blinked, surprised at being singled out. He started to sign, but Blueblood snarled at him. “Don’t you wave your hands at me. SPEAK!”
“Blueblood,” Celestia said warningly, “calm yourself.”
“He is dishonoring you and your sister, Aunt Celestia!” Blueblood said, getting angrier and angrier with every passing second.
“Blueblood, we were informed of-” Luna started.
“It’s disgraceful!” Blueblood interrupted, too on a roll to listen to reason. “To come before royalty with your face covered! You cannot trust one who doesn’t show their eyes!”
“Prince Blueblood-” Lady Jaye tried.
“Silence, female!” Blueblood said, trotting forward, Lady Jaye looking at him with shock. Junkyard started growling at the Prince, as Beach Head, snarling like a tornado about to land, started to stomp forward. Snake-Eyes glowered at the Prince behind his visor, one hand reaching for one of the ninjato on his back.
“Blueblood, STAND DOWN!” Shining Armor ordered. “You’re not helping!”
“Snake-Eyes has a perfectly good-” Duke started to say, Blueblood cutting him off again.
“This is an insult to the Royal House of the Sisters!” Blueblood said. “To come in with your face covered! I will not have it! I will not have it!” Before anyone could react, even Snake-Eyes, Blueblood’s horn flared with light, magic grabbing onto the ninja’s mask and yanking it off.
Exposing the ruin of his face to the gathering.
“Sun and Moon...” Celestia said softly.
“Sweet merciful Tartarus,” Ember said, choking a little. She never knew someone could get that MANGLED…
Snake-Eyes, taken completely off-guard, staggered back, his ruined features twisting with shock before he crouched down, covering his face. The other Joes, hands going to holsters, surrounded Snake-Eyes so he could have privacy. Roadblock, living up to his name, formed the largest barrier, glaring at Blueblood.
The Prince staggered back, shocked at how badly ruined Snake-Eyes’ face was. Beach Head, growling like a summer storm, stomped up to him and held out his hand. “Mask,” he demanded.
“H-Huh?” Blueblood stammered.
“MASK, STUPID!” Beach Head roared. Blueblood yipped, frightened, and levitated the mask into Beach Head’s outstretched hand. The ranger stomped back to the gathered Joes and gave the mask to Snake-Eyes. The hateful glare in the ninja’s eyes would haunt Blueblood for the rest of his life.
Duke, his voice and expression as cold as winter, explained. “Snake-Eyes was caught in the explosion of a helicopter, a gasoline-powered aerial vehicle, while saving the life of a teammate. He lost his face and his voice in the accident. When he does speak, he uses what we call sign language. One of us will translate for him as need be.” His eyes narrowed as he stared at Blueblood hatefully. “Snake-Eyes is a hero a thousand times over, and has saved our unit and the world on more than one occasion. He has earned the right to a little privacy when it comes to his injuries.”
“I am so sorry about this,” Luna said. “I had no idea our nephew would be so stupid.”
“Auntie!” Blueblood protested.
“Leave,” Celestia said, glaring at Blueblood. “You have shamed us this day with your actions. Return to your mansion and reflect on what you’ve done.” She sneered. “You have a LOT to think about.”
Blueblood looked around for support. The few that were his friends were pointedly looking away, while Fancy Pants and his cohorts looked furious. Twilight looked pained, while Sunset’s glare was as intense as the Joes. Pharynx and Ember were just sneering at him, while Cadance was giving him a disappointed look. Shining just shook his head.
“You have no allies here,” he said. “Get out.”
Ears down, head lowered, and tail tucked firmly between his legs, Blueblood left the room. “I am truly sorry,” Celestia said. “Our nephew has a history of bad behavior. But he had been so well-behaved as of late...”
“You did not deserve to be treated as such, Sir Snake-Eyes. We shall make restitution for this, I promise you,” Luna said, Celestia nodding in agreement.
The Joes still looked irritated, especially Snake-Eyes, who quickly signed “Just keep him away from me,” but they all decided to accept this.
“You are a very brave man, to continue on after such an injury,” said one of the female nobles.
“I do not want pity,” Snake-Eyes said, Duke translating. “I did my duty. Was I badly injured? Yes. But I am alive. I have a woman who loves me waiting for me back home, and disciples and sword-brothers studying the ninja arts alongside me. I am happy with my life, and content in my work.”
Luna nodded in approval. “A fine way of looking at things,” she said.
“But still, our failure to account for Blueblood’s behavior demands restitution. You are already our guests. We shall prepare a gift for each of you upon your return to your world,” Celestia said.
“We appreciate it,” Beach Head said, “but don’t blame yourselves for your nephew bein’ stupid. If he had any sense, he wouldn’t have spoke up.” Lady Jaye flinched, but thankfully the Queens seemed unoffended.
“True, true...” Celestia said. “Well. I suppose that we should transition to the royal dining room. There will be others there, along with some reporters, I… Is something wrong?”
“...No, your Majesty,” Duke said. The Joes, used to working in secrecy, had flinched at the mention of reporters. “On our world, the existence of our unit is supposed to be very classified, although I think we all realize how unique we are on this planet.”
Celestia smiled. “It is good, then, that the portal to our world is situated in… what did you call it, Twilight? The ‘motor pool?’”
Twilight nodded. “It’s what they call the storage and repair area for their land-based vehicles,” she said.
Luna grinned. “I look forward to hearing more about them. Internal combustion engines… How novel!” she said.
Celestia nodded. “Indeed. Now, as for the dinner tonight, Twilight and Sunset told us that you are omnivores, so we’ve made meat dishes available-”
“Ah, on that...” said a voice. Everyone turned, seeing Spike coming up to the group. Junkyard barked happily, going up to lick the young dragon as he passed. “Good to see you too, Junkyard,” Spike said, smiling and petting the rotttweiler. He quickly frowned, though, bowing to crowd of royals. “There’s actually a problem with the feast tonight. One that’s just come up.”
“Oh no...” Twilight said, worried.
“What’s wrong?” Sunset asked.
“The meat chef was in an accident while on his way in this evening,” Spike said. “The roof of his apartment in the city caved in.”
Celestia frowned. “Is he badly hurt?” she asked.
“Do we need to send healers?” Luna asked. “Were there other injures?” The Joes took note of this, impressed and pleased that their first reaction was concern for the chef’s health.
Spike shook his head. “Nopony else was hurt, and his injuries were minor, thankfully. He’ll be fine with a week’s recovery, but he was levitating several large objects while it happened, apparently moving a bookcase and a chair, so he’s suffering from backlash. He can’t use his magic until it restores itself.”
“Forgive me… backlash?” Lifeline asked.
Shining tapped his horn. “If a unicorn’s horn is struck hard enough while glowing, it causes the magic to release itself in a burst to protect itself. It leaves the user unable to use magic for a few hours,” he said.
“Which means there’s no one to cook tonight’s meat dishes...” Twilight said, biting her lip.
“Why is that an issue?” Mutt asked.
“We wanted to make tonight’s meal comfortable for you. Ponies, for the most part, do not eat meat,” Celestia explained. “Pegasi can eat fish if nothing else is available, and alicorns such as myself and my sister are omnivorous, but the vast majority of ponykind is vegetarian. And due to ancient instincts which many have trouble with...”
Mutt nodded, realizing. “Working with raw meat is something ponies have trouble with...”
Celestia nodded. Sunset stepped forward, and said, “We usually keep one pony who’s trained enough to work with meat on staff. But due to their accident, we may have to leave meat dishes out...”
Roadblock stepped forward. “...Well, heck,” he said. “I can cook for you.”
The gathered royals all traded looks. “We appreciate the offer, Sir Roadblock,” Luna said, “but it would be rude of us to impose on a guest.”
Roadblock scoffed. “Nah, it’s fine. I like cooking,” he said. “Half the reason I came over here was to learn about the cuisine.”
“Roadblock, in addition to being a heavy machine gun specialist, is also a gourmet chef,” Lady Jaye said.
“We’ve been trying to get him to try for a contest called Master Chef,” Duke said, “but he said he’s not willing to leave the army for that long.”
“I came to serve,” Roadblock said. “I’d love the opportunity, but service to my country and my unit comes first.”
“Good man,” Shining said, nodding in approval. Pharynx seemed pleased with Roadblock’s response too.
Celestia and Luna looked thoughtful, chatting quietly with each other for a moment. After a few minutes, Luna said, “You are willing to cook the meat portion of tonight’s dinner?”
“Yes, your Majesty,” Roadblock said. “I was hoping to see your kitchens anyway. This just gives me an excuse.”
Luna chuckled. “Then you may,” she said. “Spike, if you would be so kind as to show Roadblock to the kitchens?”
Spike nodded, petting Junkyard one last time. “Sure thing. If you’d come with me, please?” he said, waving goodbye to Mutt and Junkyard. Roadblock left with Spike, disappearing between the doors as they closed.
“You’ll be impressed, I’m sure,” Duke said, smiling. “The days Roadblock takes over the kitchen are highlights of our week.”
“If army chow in your world is anything like it is on our world, then the stallion must be a hero,” Shining Armor commented.
“You have no idea,” Lady Jaye commented, the group chuckling.
Private Conner, meanwhile, had just been staring at everything in wide-eyed awe. “...I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this.”
“Something wrong there, Private?” Beach Head asked quietly. For him.
Private Conner yipped. “N-No sir, I just… Well, when I was reassigned here, I was already taken aback by how little traditional army regs are followed...”
“Who’d you catch neckin’ first?” Beach Head asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“...Budo and Jinx,” Private Conner said, blushing.
“And you got away with it?” Beach Head asked, impressed.
Private Conner glanced over to Snake-Eyes, the ninja visibly smirking beneath the mask. “...Well, considering that Snake-Eyes had me be Jinx’s practice dummy for a month during hand-to-hand...”
Beach Head shook his head. “First thing you gotta know about this unit – we’re not your normal unit. We’re a team of specialists. On top of that, we’re effective. So lettin’ the little things go, as much as it annoys me, is fine.”
“I guess…” Private Conner said, looking uneasy. “First that, now an alien world...”
“Remind me to tell you about the first Star Brigade missions, kid,” Rock n’ Roll said, coming over to the two as Celestia and Luna led the Joes and other court members into the dining hall. “This is nothing by comparison.”
Meanwhile, Roadblock entered the Royal Kitchens. The hall was as big as the Master Chef studio, and twice as shining. Ponies of all three tribes milled about, moving food and pans to get ready for the feast tonight. Fruits were being chopped, noodles cooked, vegetables broiled, and more. Nearby, Pinkie Pie was supervising the creation of several large, decadent-looking cakes. And Roadblock could tell by smell alone that everything was fresh.
“...This is what Heaven looks like,” Roadblock decided, grinning widely.
Spike chuckled. “The Canterlot Kitchens are some of the most well-stocked in the land,” the young dragon said. “Anything that doesn’t get used gets donated to needy families in the city.”
“Oh yeah?” Roadblock asked, impressed.
“Been that way since the Ascension,” said one of the cooks, stirring a sauce as he looked Roadblock over curiously. “When the Queens’ mother tragically died and they agreed to share the throne in her name.”
Roadblock nodded. “You’ve got some good leaders,” he said.
“The best,” Spike said happily. “The meat station is over here.”
The cook, a unicorn with gravy brown fur and a jar of tomato sauce as his cutie mark, frowned. “One of the guests is helping with the cooking?”
Spike nodded. “Yeah! Apparently he’s a gourmet chef on his world,” he said.
Roadblock gave the chef an amused look. “You seem awfully comfortable around an alien,” he said.
The cook quirked an eyebrow. He briefly glanced away to taste test his sauce, and nodded, setting it aside. “We were briefed on your group coming over beforehand. Plus, looking at you now, you remind me of a minotaur with no horns. I’ve worked with them before.”
Minotaurs now, Roadblock thought. This place has friggin’ everything.
“Name’s Gravy Train, by the way. I’m the head saucier,” the cook said.
“A pleasure,” Roadblock said, moving along to the meat station as Gravy Train went back to work. Pinkie Pie waved to Roadblock from the pastry section, although she seemed distracted by helping manage the cakes.
“Here’s the station,” Spike said. “The meat locker’s behind you. There’s a spell inside to keep everything as fresh as the day it was bought.”
“Of course there is,” Roadblock said, chuckling. He looked over the equipment. Standard stuff, although the handles of the pan were rather long, and had what he guessed was a heat-resistant pad over it with slight stains. Drool stains, he realized. They have to hold them with their mouths or hooves when they can’t use magic.
Well, he could work around that. “What did they have prepared for tonight?” Roadblock asked. He remembered one of the ponies that visited the base mentioning that cows, pigs, and the like were sapient here...
Spike went into the locker and brought out a large cart filled with thick slabs of reddish meat. “Giant cobras,” he said. “Just got them in, too. The griffon that runs the butcher shop in town was overjoyed that we bought so much.”
“A butcher shop,” Roadblock said. “In a pony city.”
“Well, not all of Canterlot’s residents are ponies. There are griffons, diamond dogs, a few dragons since Ember came to power...” He sighed. “We really want to start integrating changelings, but the majority is still uncomfortable with them after the invasion before Chrysalis was overthrown. Long story.”
“I bet...” Roadblock said. Giant cobras, he thought, trying not to laugh. “Griffon butchers specialize in big monsters, eh?”
Spike chuckled. “Yeah. Historically, they’re something of a warrior culture. Moreso now that the griffon leadership is helping everygriff overcome their natural greed and remember what they were like in the past,” he said. “Griffons like it when their meals come from something that could eat them right back.”
“Farms must be very interesting in griffon country,” Roadblock said.
“You have no idea,” Spike said.
Roadblock looked over the meat. Well, I’ve cooked snake before, he thought. “Let’s see what I can do with this.” He cut off a strip from one of the steaks, added some salt and pepper, and fried it in the pan. Once it was browned, he ate it. Not bad, he thought. Little gamey, but maybe if I add the right spices… He kept the steak he cut as his tester, frying it up a few different ways, until he was satisfied with the flavor.
He smiled, and began to prep large steaks for himself and the other members of his team, chopping up some vegetables and frying them to act as the garnishes. Some of the cooks were coming over to watch him work. They were curious, and some looked ill from seeing meat get cooked, but they were all fascinated.
He smiled at Gravy Train, who seemed the least squeamish. “You ain’t bothered by this?”
Gravy Train chuckled. “The sauce that got me my cutie mark was gravy made for an ambassador from Abyssinia. Bipedal like you, but cats. I still make it from time to time, just to keep in practice. You wanna try adding it?”
Roadblock nodded. “Never hurts,” he said. “If I had more time, I could do more with this.”
Gravy Train nodded, levitating over the jar of dark brown sauce. Roadblock took it and opened the jar, trying a spoonful and smiling. “Hey, that’s pretty good,” he said. “What’s in it?”
“Trade secret,” Gravy Train said, smirking.
Roadblock laughed, understanding completely. He sliced up a quick strip of cobra steak for Spike, pouring some of the sauce on. “Here you go, big man. Whatcha think?”
Spike happily accepted the steak, and took a bite. “Mmmm! Pretty good! Could use some gemdust, but that’s just a dragon thing.”
Roadblock nodded, and added the sauce to the steak. He plated everything he had cooked, setting them up on the counter. “Nice. Anyway, someone find me a serving tray so we can take these out,” he said.
One of the waiters came up to him. “Please, sir, allow us,” he said. “You’ve helped us out by cooking the meat dishes, but you’re our guest. Let us serve you.”
Roadblock chuckled. “All right, all right,” he said. “It’d be rude to turn down hospitality anyway.”
Gravy Train smiled. “We’ll keep everything warm, don’t worry,” he said. “We just want to make sure everything’s served together.”
Roadblock nodded. “I’m definitely coming back. This kitchen is AMAZING,” he said, grinning as Spike helped him find the dining hall. The Queens, with Sunset and Twilight, sat at a large table on a dais, while the nobleponies, guests, and the Joes were all sitting at a larger, longer table. The Joes all seemed to be chatting amiably with the various nobles there. Mainframe and Lifeline were both talking shop with Twilight and Sunset. Shining and Duke were getting along famously, while Snake-Eyes had the attentions of both Ember and Pharynx. He was apparently teaching ASL to Ember with the help of Spirit. Roadblock took a seat next to Mutt and Junkyard, petting the Rottweiler as he did.
“Did everything go okay?” Luna asked.
Roadblock nodded. “Yes, your Majesty. Everything will be coming out soon,” he said.
“What’re we having?” Rock n’ Roll asked.
Roadblock grinned. “Giant cobra steaks,” he said.
All the Joes laughed at that. Pharynx blinked. “What’s so funny.”
Lady Jaye giggled. “Forgive us. Our group is meant to be a counter-terrorist operation. And our primary nemesis is a group of people called… well, called Cobra.”
Rainbow Dash grinned. “I getcha,” she said. “Ownage by proxy.”
“Something like that,” Spirit said, sipping some of the provided wine.
“What are they like?” Pharynx asked.
Beach Head shook his head. “Worst of the worst,” he said. “Any form of terrorism or criminal activity you can imagine, they’re involved in.”
Private Conner frowned. “I’ve only been involved with minor skirmishes in them, but I’ve read reports on their officers. Cobra Commander, the overall leader of the group, is a lunatic. Destro’s principled, but he’s way too interested in weapons design. And Zartan, one of their spies...” Conner shook his head. “I’ve only heard rumors, but let’s just say Snake-Eyes has a very good reason to hate the sneaky bastard.” He raised his glass in toast to the ninja. “I hope you give him everything he deserves when you catch him, sir.”
Snake-Eyes just nodded, briefly losing himself in a revenge fantasy.
“Hm…” Celestia said, frowning. “Another reason to avoid your world for now, if Cobra is as bad as you say...”
Mainframe smiled. “I’m sure that future expeditions will go better,” he said. “And hey, look at it this way! You got advanced warning from us, right?”
Luna and Celestia traded smiles. “True, true… Many thanks, Mainframe,” Luna said.
The doors to the dining hall opened, and many serving trays were brought out, bringing dishes for everyone, including a tray dedicated to holding the snake steaks. The waiter in charge of those served all the Joes, pausing when he found himself with one extra plate.
“Uh...” he said.
“Gotta be for Junkyard,” Mutt said, Roadblock nodding in confirmation. He gently pushed the excitable canine back, Junkyard realizing that this plate was for him. “Lemme cut it up for ya, ya bum,” Mutt said as he cut the steak into bite-sized pieces. “Knowing you, you’ll probably try to swallow the thing whole.”
One of the nobles commented quietly to the Queens on the inappropriateness of having a dog at the dining table. Celestia scoffed and told him to leave it alone.
As Mutt predicted, when he set the plate down, Junkyard practically inhaled his food. Mutt laughed, petting his rottweiler, while everyone else sat down and enjoyed their dinners. Duke smiled as he glanced around at his team, all of them casually enjoying themselves and getting on with the pony nobility. Maybe things will work out after all, he thought.
The banquet seemed to be going well enough. After the initial fiasco with Blueblood had been resolved, and dinner had been served, the G.I. Joe unit got along famously with the various nobles there. Duke and the Queens got along well, while Lifeline conversed happily with Shining Armor about protective magic. Respecting Snake-Eyes’ desire for privacy, the ninja was allowed to leave and find someplace private to eat, Rarity quickly crafting a rather stylish black hood for his uniform, Twilight putting an enchantment on it to completely hide his face in shadow when unmasked, which the ninja was grateful for. Rock n’ Roll shared mission stories with the various nobles, always making sure to glance at Duke to see if the story he was about to tell was something he was allowed to tell. Lady Jaye chatted with Cadance, while Spirit and Mainframe spoke to Sunset and Twilight about magic, and possibly learning some. To Mainframe’s frustration, Spirit seemed to grasp the basics easier than he did, the Native American managing to manifest a small light spell with some effort. Roadblock seemed to get along best with Ember and Spike, fascinated by their recipes for gem-based food, while Pharynx was revealing a shockingly soft side, getting along great with Junkyard. (Much to Mutt’s relief.) Private Conner would occasionally speak, but mostly he just seemed overwhelmed by everything. Rainbow Dash took this as her cue to regale the young soldier with stories of her awesomeness.
Only Beachhead seemed to be unhappy. He enjoyed his food, yes, (Roadblock made it. There was no way it could be unenjoyable) but aside from that, he wasn’t in a very good mood. Occasionally he would glance over to the Queens, as Duke told them about Cobra, their primary nemesis. Both of them seemed alarmed, which Beachhead approved of. They seemed nice enough, and this world seemed rather idyllic. He didn’t want it getting torn apart by their war with Cobra Commander and his lunatics.
Pinkie Pie, playing a jazz trumpet, heralded the arrival of a massive array of cakes, fudges, and other sweets. Everypony was greatly pleased to see the goofy pink earth pony, who passed out slices of cake and ice cream to all the nobles.
“Your friend seems to enjoy jubilant celebrations,” Spirit said, sampling a bite of the black forest cake placed in front of him.
Sunset giggled. “Yeah, she tends to favor ‘birthday party’ over ‘soiree’ in terms of celebration. She’s gotten better at compromising, though,” she said. “Give her control over the desserts and she’ll not disrupt the ‘boring stuff.’” She then noticed that Spirit, along with most of the other Joes, had gone starry-eyed after sampling their cakes. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Sunset, and Twilight just traded amused looks. Pharynx, meanwhile, frowned.
“Are you all right?” the changeling prince asked.
“Ssssssh,” Mutt said. “Having religious experience.”
Beachhead just stared worriedly at his slice of cake, having not tried it yet. Even Junkyard was having a happy reaction to the meat-style cake Pinkie had made for him. Pinkie Pie put a foreleg around Beachhead’s shoulder. “C’mon,” Pinkie said. “You know you want to…”
“Maybe later,” Beachhead said. “I like to keep my wits about me…”
“Oh, don’t be such a grumpy gus!” Pinkie cajoled. “I know you’ll love it!”
“I’m more of a pie kinda feller anyway,” Beachhead said, pushing his cake back. “But not right now, all right?” He gave Pinkie one of his infamous cadet-breaking glares, hoping she’d get the hint. She didn’t.
Twilight suddenly realized where this was going. “Pinkie…”
“Pies? We got pies!” Pinkie said, casting a smug look to Rainbow Dash, who just rolled her eyes. “We’ve got apple, cherry, chocolate, strawberry, rhubarb…”
“I don’t want anything sweet right now!” Beachhead said, his voice starting to become a snarl.
“But you said-” Pinkie tried.
“NO!” Beachhead roared, startling the Joes out of their food trances. At Duke’s questioning look, Beachhead stood up, and said, “I’m sorry, sir, I just… Permission to go get some air?”
Duke nodded. “You sound like you need it,” he said, Beachhead nodding gratefully and striding out of the hall.
Twilight sighed. Pinkie frowned, wincing. “I did the thing where I come on too strong again, didn’t I?”
“Pretty much,” Spike said.
“Maybe one of us could go talk to him?” Cadance offered.
“No,” Lady Jaye said. “He just needs some time to calm down.”
“If you’re sure…” Twilight said. She hated to leave a new friend feeling bad.
“I wish I could make it up to him,” Pinkie Pie said, petting Junkyard when the dog came over to nuzzle her.
Roadblock looked over the pies, and smirked. “Actually… I happened to notice that you don’t have Beachhead’s absolute FAVORITE pie,” the chef said.
Pinkie Pie blinked. “Oh yeah? What’s he like?”
“Well, the man will eat anything pie,” Roadblock said. “But the thing that will make him forgive even ninjas bullying him, is a good old fashion Southern Comfort treat – shoofly pie.” All the Joes grinned at that.
“...An odd name,” said one of the nobles. “Why is it called that?”
Duke chuckled. “Because its so good and so sweet, you’re gonna be shooing flies away from it while getting a slice for yourself.”
“That sounds AMAZING!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing happily.
Roadblock stood up again. “C’mon back to the kitchens with me,” he said. “I’mma show you how to make it.”
Beachhead grunted, and decided to just do a perimeter check of the castle. He told the guards nearby what he wanted to do, and they gave him a path to follow. He walked along the various halls, occasionally glancing around at the admittedly impressive architecture. He just couldn’t fully appreciate it, something he was mad at himself for.
“Y’know,” said a voice from the ether. “Most people are more in awe of this place. Especially foreign visitors.”
“Who’s there?” Beachhead demanded, eyes darting in every direction, his hand going to his sidearm.
“Relax,” said the voice, and in the dark hall, he noticed a slithering motion coming from one of the pillars. Beachhead whipped out his sidearm… only to find it turned into a chimicherrychanga, the soldier staring at it in alarm. “I’m not your enemy.”
From the shadows emerged a mismatched creature. Lion paw, bird talon, snake body, dragon’s tail, goat’s head… nothing about the creature was symmetrical, and in an odd way, there was a strange symmetry to him. He stayed partially in the shadows, smirking at Beachhead.
“What the hell are you?!” Beachhead demanded.
“Discord,” the odd creature said. “God of Chaos, and mostly reformed Spirit of Disharmony. And I also bear the dubious distinction of being the first villain to be defeated by this generation’s bearers of the Elements of Harmony.”
Beachhead blinked, remembering the stories from earlier. He looked down at his sidearm, which was back to being a gun, albeit one that was slightly grease-stained. As if it had been wrapped up in food. Scowling, he holstered his weapon again. “I remember you. From the stories. You’re goofier lookin’ in person.”
“Thank you,” Discord said, bowing as he stood up to his full, impressive, very looming height.
“You got any reason for bothering me? If not, then move along. I need some space,” Beachhead muttered.
“Yes, I did notice that you seemed to be rather put out at the party,” Discord said. “Not all that fond of cheerful pony stuff?”
Beachhead sighed. “I shouldn’t have yelled. She was just bein’ friendly,” he said.
“She was coming on rather strong,” Discord said, stroking his beard.
“Hnnh…” Beachhead sighed. “I just… My entire career, I’ve lived it by discipline and order. Follow regulations, keep to a pattern. I realize you probably don’t like that, being a Chaos… whatever.”
“God,” Discord said.
“Ain’t but one God, but whatever floats your boat,” Beachhead muttered, Discord chuckling. The soldier continued. “I was proud to be tapped for G.I. Joe. We’re the best of the best that America, and more recently other nations, have to offer. But it’s just… everyone’s so damn loose with regs. Discipline and order is what makes the army great. And yet sometimes I feel like I’m in a damn kindergarten class… Especially when meetin’ foreign dignitaries. I ain’t never been good with that friendly stuff.”
Discord shrugged. He took to the air and curled around one of the pillars in the shadowy room they were in. “My life has been fairly the opposite. I’ve eschewed order, regulation, and discipline my entire life, in favor of ‘tweaking’ the threads of reality just to see what happens. Oh, I’m guilty of hypocrisy of course. I’ve directly manipulated others to get what I want, done everything cruel in the book while writing new chapters for it, and tended to force my perspective of life on… well, all of life. But I’ve made friends since then, so I’ve come to rather appreciate the balance…”
“...You have friends?” Beachhead said, flinching when he realized he accidentally insulted the deity.
Discord took it in stride. “Not many,” he conceded. “There are some who find my penchant for pranks and puerile behavior rather perturbing. But, well…” A warm smile crossed his face. “I’ve found ponies who appreciate me for me. And for them, I’m willing to be good.” His smile turned into a smirk. “BEHAVING, on the other hand…”
Beachhead grunted, annoyed.
Discord chuckled. “Grumpy one, aren’t you?” he said. “Well, that’s fine. As silly as it sounds, the ‘Magic of Friendship…’” He gagged a little. “Guh. After all this time I still can’t even say it without choking on the triteness… Anyway. To actually get to the point other than the ones on my head, as much as I prefer chaos, it is balance, Harmony, that keeps the world spinning. You, Mr. Grumphead, are the order to G.I. Joe’s chaos. It may frustrate you that they’re aren’t perfect, but you keep everything in balance.”
Beachhead thought about that, and realized he felt a bit better. “I suppose,” he conceded.
Discord had dealt with Beachhead’s type enough to know that was the best he was going to get. “Hm… Since returning to the party doesn’t seem to be something that would help you, perhaps what you need is a friend who thinks as you do.”
Beachhead snorted. “You think you can find someone who appreciates discipline as much as I do?”
Discord smirked. “Come with me. There’s another pony here who chose to stay away from the party. One who I think you’ll enjoy…” When Beachhead hesitated, Discord said, “Do you honestly have anything better to do?”
After a moment, Beachhead shrugged and followed after Discord. The draconequus eventually led Beachhead out to a training yard, where a quartet of cadets appeared to be running an obstacle course.
And commanding them was a mulberry colored unicorn with a rose mohawk for a mane, her tail short-cropped. She wore a darker version of the royal guard armor, and wore a black bodysuit. Her horn was broken, and she had a scar over one eye. “Meet Fizzlepop Berrytwist,” Discord said. “Or as she prefers to be called, Tempest Shadow.”
“MOVE IT!” she ordered. “You wanted to do extra training instead of KP, so I’m gonna put you through your paces JUST LIKE I DO EVERY MORNING! MOVE MOVE MOVE!”
Beachhead went wide-eyed. “...Huh,” he said.
Discord smirked. “You two have fun now,” he said, disappearing in a swirl of candy corn after snapping his fingers. Beachhead barely noticed him leave, slowly walking down towards the training field, unable to take his eyes off the broken-horned unicorn.
Finally, one of the cadets, a lanky, pink-furred pegasus stallion, skidded to a stop. “Ma’am, is this really necessary?”
“You lot started a food fight,” Tempest said, scowling. “You said you’d accept training to get out of KP. We are training.”
Another cadet, a blue-furred unicorn mare, frowned. “Yeah, but I swear you’re going harder than usual on us.”
Tempest’s eyes narrowed. “This is the same course you ran this morning,” she said. “If you can’t handle it, maybe you’re not fit for the guard.”
“That’s not fair, Sergeant Major Tempest!” the pegasus whined in a tone that made Beachhead want to smack him.
“Hm,” Tempest said. She slowly walked forward, a gentle look coming to her face as her tone softened. “I suppose we could take it easier…”
“Yeah…” the pegasus said.
Tempest smiled gently at him. “And then maybe we could go to the party tonight… have cupcakes and tea…”
“Uhuh…” the pegasus said dreamily. “That’d be wonderful.”
Tempest gently cupped the pegasus’ cheek with her hoof… and slammed his face into the ground. Her horn stump blazed with lightning. “And if you’re dumb enough to believe that I’d allow ANY of that then you’re REALLY not fit for the guard! KEEP RUNNING!”
Terrified, the pegasus and unicorn took off moving, the two earth ponies having kept going. “You two do ten more laps because you’ve pissed me off!” Tempest snarled. “I will not allow laziness or dereliction in the Guard. I REFUSE!! You may think its hard, but everything I do will help you become better soldiers! So suck it up and KEEP MOVING!” It was then that she noticed Beachhead standing there, wide-eyed and blushing. It took her a minute, but she remembered Sunset describing the guests they’d be having tonight. “...Can I help you, sir?” she asked.
“...It ain’t fair,” Beachhead said softly.
“What isn’t?” Tempest asked, confused.
“...I finally meet the perfect woman and she ain’t even my species,” Beachhead said.
Tempest blushed. Of the many things she was anticipating, flirting wasn’t among them. “Buh?” she stammered.
From out of the corner of his eye, Beachhead noticed the quartet of cadets slowing down to watch. “I DIDN’T HEAR HER SAY STOP, RAWHIDES! IF THOSE HOOVES AIN’T CLIPPITY-CLOPPIN’ DOUBLE TIME ACROSS THE COURSE BY THE TIME I FINISH THIS SENTENCE, THEN I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET IT!” he bellowed.
“Sun and Moon save us there’s two of them…” the pegasus cadet said, running faster.
Beachhead nodded, blushing brightly. “Sorry, Sergeant Major. Didn’t mean to step on your command.”
Tempest, confused, happy, and oddly aroused, shook her head, smiling. “No, no, it’s fine,” she said, grinning.
Discord, from the shadows, chuckled and slid through them, emerging into the party room from underneath the table between Lady Jaye and Cadance.
“Oh!” Cadance said, smiling. “This is Discord.” She smiled at the draconequus. “We were just telling them about you.”
“I deny everything that doesn’t make me look like a pest,” Discord said, helping himself to a slice of cake.
Lady Jaye frowned. “Yes… Cadance was just telling us about the time you faked being sick to send her and Twilight on an adventure together.”
“Oh, they’d been apart for a while,” Discord said. “I felt they could use the bonding time.”
“It was dangerous, but it was fun,” Cadance said.
“Especially for me, since picking on Twilight is one of my great joys in life,” he said, reaching across the table and twirling Twlight’s mane on her head like it was a toupee. Twilight grunted in annoyance, clapping her hooves down on her head and twisting her main pack into place.
At which point a flower grew out of her horn. “QUIT IT!” Twilight barked.
“Never,” Discord said, smirking as Twilight incinerated the flower.
“You could stand to be nicer to her,” Cadance said, frowning a little. “She’s stood up for you a great deal.”
“And I do appreciate it,” Discord said, producing a mug of hot cocoa from out of nowhere. “Which is why I behave as I normally do around her. So she won’t think anything’s wrong.”
Twilight just groaned, head drooping to the table, Sunset patting her on the back reassuringly.
Discord, ignoring the amused/annoyed glares from Luna and Celestia, turned to Cadance. “At any rate, I have to say, love is a lot more fun than I first thought.”
“Oh?” Cadance asked. “While I’m appreciative, I’m not sure what you mean?”
“I played matchmaker tonight,” Discord said. “I introduced Tempest Shadow to Beachhead. They hit it off almost immediately.”
“…” Everyone in the room stared at Discord, who sipped his cocoa and silently reveled in being the center of attention.
“So you introduced the most feared and talented disciplinarian in Equestria...” Queen Luna said.
“...To the most feared and talented disciplinarian on Earth,” Duke finished.
“Fell in love instantly,” Discord said proudly.
“...Well, the cadets are doomed,” Shining Armor said.
“Hm,” Lady Jaye agreed.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Later that evening… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“That’s… that’s honestly brilliant,” Tempest said. After training had finished, the cadets sent home to have nightmares about two demon drill sergeants screaming at them, Beachhead and Tempest had sat on top of the hill overlooking the training yard, watching the sun slowly set. Beachhead was sitting crosslegged on the ground, and Tempest was laying with her forelegs on his lap. “I had honestly never realized how many ways you could fit a mudpit into an obstacle course.”
“You never know what sort of terrain your troops will have to go through,” Beachhead said. “Best to have them ready for anything, even if they are royal guards.”
“True,” Tempest said. “Things were too lax around here after Shining Armor went to the Crystal Empire. I checked with him, and I realized that the Storm King never would have gotten close to Canterlot if he were still leading the guard.” Her face fell a little as she reminded herself of her time as a villain.
Beachhead gently stroked her mane. “There was a guy in my unit, name of Storm Shadow,” he said. “Used to work for Cobra, the terrorist organization our group’s meant to be a counter to. Turns out, he was only working for them to find his master’s killer. Once he did, he defected immediately. It was hard to trust him at first. Especially since he took out some of my people. But the man earned his stripes.” He scowled. “Never really liked the smug son of bitch, but I learned to trust him.” He shook his head. “Point is, he earned his spot on the team, was one of our best. And if they’re trusting you with the recruits, then that means you’ve earned your place, Tempest.”
Tempest smiled, flicking her tail happily. “Thank you,” she said. Her face fell a little. “I couldn’t help but notice, though… was?”
Beachhead sighed. “Cobra took him back. None of the ninjas will tell anyone how it happened. All we know is that they did something to him that made Storm Shadow completely loyal to them again, and that he actively fights any attempt to capture him, even threatening suicide if it looks like there’s no other way to escape,” he said. “Damn snakes…”
Tempest frowned, nuzzling Beachhead. As she did, she gently sniffed at him again, blushing. Beachhead frowned. “...Okay, that’s five times now you been snufflin’ me, what’s up?”
Tempest blushed. “Ah… Sorry,” she said. “I realize this is sort of a major shift in mood to say it, but… I just…” She bit her lip, and said, “I really like the way you smell.”
Beachhead blushed brightly. “...You do,” he said slowly.
Tempest nodded, sheepishly pawing at his legs. “Yeah. It’s… it’s a very masculine, stalliony smell,” she said.
“...No one’s ever said I smell good before,” Beachhead said softly.
“Why not?” Tempest asked sincerely.
“I just... I don’t use deodorant, or anything like that,” Beachhead said. “A lot of times on a mission, you get dropped into a jungle or a swamp. And if you’re smellin’ like fresh linen or something like that, someone will smell you coming and put a bullet in your brain.”
Tempest blinked. “Seems reasonable enough to me,” she said, nuzzling and sniffing him again.
“Oh geez…” Beachhead said, gently stroking her mane. “Um… Are you okay with me doing this? I don’t want you to think I’m treating you like a pet or anything…”
Tempest smiled. “No,” she said. “It feels good.”
Beachhead smiled again. She’s wonderful, he thought.
He’s wonderful, she thought, smiling right back up at him again. The two of them sat in the fading sunlight. As they watched, Queen Celestia and Queen Luna took to the air. “Hm? What are they up to?” Beachhead asked.
Tempest smiled. “You’ll see,” she said.
As Beachhead watched, Celestia was the first to move. Her horn flared, and to Beachhead’s shock, a beam of light seemed to reach out to touch the sun itself, lowering it over the horizon. Luna was next, wispy wings of darkness flaring from her as a ghostly hand reached from her horn into the sky, pulling the glowing moon into view. As the stunned Beachhead watched, Luna flared her wings across the sky, the stars twinkling into view, forming a vibrant, almost crystalline tapestry.
“I have… SO many questions…” Beachhead said softly.
Tempest chuckled. “I don’t know much of the specifics. Twilight told us during the briefing on the first visits that your planet is very different from ours, as is your sun and moon,” she said, yawning. “That being said, I stayed up a bit later than I meant to.” She smiled at him, standing up.
Beachhead blinked, and looked at his watch. “Oh wow, yeah…” he said, blushing and saying, “I guess when you’ve got good company, you lose track of time.”
Tempest blinked. “You go to bed this early, too?”
Beachhead went wide-eyed, smiling as he realized. “Yeah, actually. I like to get up at around four in the morning, do a long distance run. Then I gotta get the course ready for the morning training…”
Tempest grinned slowly. She had the exact same habits. “Mind if I join you, then?” she asked.
Beachhead nodded happily “Not at all. You’d be more than welcome,” he said.
Tempest nodded. “Then I’ll see you later, big guy,” she said. “Best place to do a run is by the gardens. I’ll meet you at the guest barracks tomorrow morning and take you there.”
“Lookin’ forward to it,” Beachhead said, smiling and waving as Tempest trotted off. He could always swear that she was sashaying, showing off her butt for him. He pulled down his balaclava again, and almost drifted back into the castle.
Eventually, he met up with the others, who had all excused themselves to talk. “…Incredible!” Mainframe was almost babbling. “The sheer power they have… I don’t know if the Equestrian sun and moon are like ours, but even if they’re just a fraction of the size, what it would take to move celestial bodies…”
“You’re sure it was them actually moving them?” Lady Jaye said, looking rattled.
“I could feel it in my bones, Lady Jaye…” Spirit said softly. “It was… palpable. The force they wielded beyond anything we’ve ever encountered.”
Private Conner was just sitting on the ground near Duke, looking stunned. As they chatted, Mutt was the first to notice Beachhead almost floating towards them. He tapped Rock n’ Roll on the chest, pointing towards the Sergeant Major, Beachhead’s smile visible through his balaclava. Soon everyone else noticed too.
“...You okay?” Snake-Eyes signed.
Beachhead nodded. “I just met… the most wonderful woman…” he said. To everyone’s shock (and amusement), literal heart bubbles emerged from Beachhead’s body.
Tempest, humming happily, practically cantered down the hall towards the troop barracks. As she did, she encountered Shining Armor and Twilight, who had gone off to talk privately. She saluted them, giggling.
“You’re awfully happy,” Shining said. “Your meeting with that Beachhead guy go all right?”
Tempest giggled. “I know that probably nothing will come of it, that he’ll have to go back to his world, but still… I’ve never encountered anypony who understood me as well as he does,” she said.
“Oh yeah?” Shining said. “This is a first. Never really heard you giggle before.”
“Giggling?” Tempest said, shocked. “Me?” She thought about it, and smiled. “Well, I suppose so. I just…” She sighed blissfully. “He makes me happy. He’s great with the troops. And he’s clever! You wouldn’t think it form how harsh he can be, but he’s truly a-”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ With the Joes… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“-a wonderful woman,” Beachhead said, starstruck. “I’ve never met anyone I clicked with so well before! She’s got the most wonderful smile, too…”
The Joes all stared in a mix of amazement and awe. They’d never seen the infamous drill sergeant with such a happy look on his face. Never heard him GUSH like that before. Although Snake-Eyes and Lady Jaye had winsome smiles on their faces, both of them remembering what it was like to fall in love.
“Just, the way she moves! The confidence, the assurance… She’s as strong as an Abrams tank-”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ With the ponies… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“-or even an Ursa Minor!” Tempest gushed, grinning. She barely noticed the knowing grin on Shining’s face, or the happy grin on Twilight’s. She blushed, pawing the floor with a hoof and adding, “And… I know this is gonna sound a bit creepy, but… he SMELLS stalliony. I like being around him so much I even enjoy his SMELL…”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ With the Joes… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“She likes the way I smell,” Beachhead softly, with more than a little bit of shock. “I’ve… I’ve never had any woman tell me they like the way I smell before…”
You’ve probably never had ANYONE tell you they like the way you smell before, thought all the Joes at once, all of them visibly struggling not to voice that.
“She’s beautiful… I… I think I love her, guys. I-” Beachhead blinked. “Wait, does this make me a furry?”
It was a grand, epic war for the Joes not to laugh at the sudden question, Private Conner promptly fleeing down the hallway, chewing on his sleeve to keep himself from laughing. It was also a war Snake-Eyes didn’t even bother to fight, doubling over and actually falling down from how hard he was laughing. It took a moment for everyone to realize that the wheezing sound from the mute ninja was laughter. It was also a testament to how HARD Snake-Eyes was laughing that a furious Beachhead was able to get his hands around the ninja’s throat for a few seconds.
It was only after an annoyed Beachhead removed himself from the vase Snake-Eyes stuffed him into that he left. The others waited a good ten minutes to make sure he was out of earshot before collapsing in laughter themselves.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Later that night… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Pinkie had been disappointed that Beachhead had gone to bed so early, but Roadblock assured him that he’d love to have pie for breakfast. A few hours after Beachhead and Tempest Shadow had retired to bed, the Joes had as well.
Duke was laying in bed, writing about his experiences to General Hawk in the journal.
“The power of the Queens in incredible, sir,” he wrote. “Sunset and Twilight told us their planet is different from ours, but that still doesn’t change what happened. All of us, Spirit, Mainframe, Snake-Eyes, and Lifeline in particular, could feel the Queens manipulating gravity to move the sun and moon along.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ G.I. Joe HQ… Hawk’s private quarters… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The general frowned as he read this. He began to write back. “Overall, what’s their power structure? Could they pose a threat to us?”
“Uncertain,” Duke wrote. “We demonstrated our firearms to them. They were visibly shaken by it, and those who seemed reluctant about this first contact event being our only contact seemed to lose their reluctance to it. The dragon queen seemed certain that she and her kind could take it, but Spirit could sense the doubt in her voice. The problem is magic, sir. There’s a lot of variables to take into account with it, and I’m not certain we’ve seen all of them. Telekinetic shields, weather effects… that along could be devastating. Instead of a giant Weather Dominator, Cobra could just send in a squad of four pegasi and start dropping tornadoes on cities. There’s something to earth pony magic I swear we’re not seeing, and the versatility of stronger unicorns is astonishing. And then there’s the alicorns. Sunset is mighty enough on her own, but her main talents seem to lay in governing. Twilight, on the other hand, has a quite frankly terrifying level of power. Cadance’s magic centers around the manipulation of love, which has implications I don’t like thinking about. And the Queens… I can’t even begin to describe how much their power frightens me. How glad I am that their society centers on virtue and harmony.”
Hawk frowned as he thought this over. He hated thinking like this, about how to possibly deal with threats from someone who could be a friend. But he couldn’t take any chances. He prayed that the next few days until the portal charged up again would go quickly. He liked the ponies, but the more he learned about them, the more disturbed he became. “Any others to worry about?” he wrote.
“Yes sir,” Duke wrote. “Discord. God of Chaos. He’s capable of rewriting reality literally with a fingersnap. According to Twilight, when he was first released he made day and night last seconds as he literally made the sun and moon dance through the sky. He’s capable of mass mental manipulation, and can change how science works just by being around it. Mainframe seemed to have a perpetual migraine around him. In addition, his raw, utter Chadness is sexually frustrating to me. It’s bad enough that I have to compete with Snake-Eyes for Scarlett’s affection, but I-”
Annoyed, Hawk wrote in the margins, “Discord, give Duke back the journal.”
The flow of words stopped, and in a new handwriting style, three words were written. “You’re no fun.”
“I’m the boss. I’m not supposed to be fun,” Hawk wrote back.
Discord snickered, handing Duke back the journal he stole from him, along with his pen. “I like him,” the draconequus said, vanishing in a swirl of Cheetos.
Duke shook his head, dusting the Cheetos off of his bed. “I truly hate that guy,” Duke wrote.
“He’s most likely going to be a pain throughout this,” Hawk wrote. “Stay on your guard and try to put up with it. A Chaos god doesn’t seem like someone you want mad at you.”
“I don’t like it, but as you wish, sir,” Duke wrote, muttering.
“Anything else I should know?” Hawk wrote.
“So far, Spirit’s made the most progress in learning magic, and is capable of using small light spells,” Duke wrote. He smirked, and added, “Also, because I know Ace is our resident bookie and would definitely make a bet like this, tell him that the first person to fall in love with a pony was Beachhead.”
“Wait, seriously?” Hawk wrote.
“Yep. And she reciprocates,” Duke wrote. He could almost Hawk laughing.
“So far, an interesting trip, then. Take care, Duke. Yo Joe,” the general wrote.
Duke chuckled. “Good night, sir,” he wrote. He set the journal down.
“Everything okay back home?” Lady Jaye asked. She and the others were on guard when Discord had popped in and stolen the journal (save for Beachhead, who was snoring away), but were all finally starting to relax.
“If there wasn’t, he’d have said something,” Duke said, laying down in the ridiculously soft bed. (He’d been amazed to learn that the guest beds were actual clouds.) “Get some sack time, people. We’re getting a tour of Canterlot tomorrow after morning training.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ G.I. Joe HQ… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Hawk had called assembly in the main lounge, knowing that the others would want an update on their comrades. Scarlett in particular was unhappy with Prince Blueblood’s behavior, but was satisfied with how the situation was handled. Overall, everyone seemed relaxed, if wary, especially of Discord.
Hawk smirked. “Finally, we come to the final part of our report. Ace, if you’d step forward?”
The pilot blinked, confused. “What’d I do?” he said as he stood up.
Hawk quirked an eyebrow. “Are you telling me you DIDN’T go around taking bets on who’d fall in love in a pony first?” the general asked.
A smirk spread over Ace’s face as he pulled out a notebook and a large sack of cash. “Well, I have developed a rep for it,” he said. “All right, sir. Lay it on me.”
Hawk smirked right back. “Beachhead,” he said. “Apparently, he found some‘pony’ he clicked with and… uh…”
The entire lounge had gone silent, everyone staring at Hawk in shock. Ace was making choking noises, his fingers tightening around his pencil to the point of breaking it in half. Hawk went over to glance at Ace’s notebook… and saw that the odds on Beachhead being the one to fall in love first were beyond astronomical.
“Wait…” said a rarely heard voice. “For real? Beachhead?” Everyone save Ace turned, startled, as Deep Six came forward, a rare smile on the reclusive diver’s face. Normally stoic and unfriendly, if professional, the grin on Deep Six’s face was unnerving, as was the laughter that came next. “HAHAHA! Holy shit, I just made that bet so Ace would go away!” He laughed, clapping his hands. “That’s fucking amazing! I love it! Gimmie my money, flyboy!”
“Kaggh,” Ace choked as Deep Six grabbed his winnings, ALL of the money gathered for the bet, and starting counting his prize.
“Fucking fabulous,” Deep Six said, chuckling. “Hey, Scarlett! Would a bridle be a good gift for them, or would that be more of a ‘fourth date’ thing? BAHAHAHAHA!! See you later, assholes!” Cackling triumphantly, he strode out of the lounge, leaving a stunned group behind him.
After a long moment of silence, Scarlett said, “...I didn’t know he knew how to laugh.”
That broke the tension for everyone but Ace, who just stood there making random noises while everyone laughed. Doc led Ace to the infirmary, while the ninjas all grouped up and began to plan how to tease Beachhead when he got back.
Shipwreck just shook his head. “Magical ponies from another world, Beachhead falling in love first, and now Deep Six laughing. Is it just me, or do our lives keep getting interesting?” he said.
Hawk laughed. “Have a good evening, everyone. Don’t stay up too late,” he said, leaving his team to end their day.
The Joes slept on. But for two of them, sleep was uneasy.
In his dreams, Lifeline found himself back in one of the worst moments of his life, early in his career. He had been captured by Cobra while defending a village of indigenous peoples in Congo, and forced into an arena by Cobra Commander, chained to one side of it. Cobra Commander himself, wearing his usual blue hood, calmly wheeled out a cart full of weapons. Lifeline braced himself, saying a prayer and silently praying that the end came quickly.
Then Cobra Commander began to set the weapons in his grabbing range. A pistol, an Uzi, an assault rifle, a shotgun, a pen knife with a launchable blade, some shurikens, an LMG, a minigun, and a rocket launcher. The other troops watched nervously, Lifeline giving the Commander a confused look.
Cobra Commander just smiled, stepping back and taking off his shirt and gloves, revealing his muscular upper body. “I’m going to have a little fun with the villagers we captured along with you,” he said in his hissing rasp. “If you attack me and injure in me any way, shape, or form, you all go free.” He smiled visibly through his hood. “That’s it. No tricks, no strings, just shoot me and you walk. It doesn’t even have to be a lethal injury.”
“...You know I’m a pacifist, right?” Lifeline said. “And a doctor. I can’t hurt others.”
“I know,” Cobra Commander said, condescendingly patting Lifeline on the cheek. “Which is why I’m sure that this will be absolute hell for you.” He motioned to a guard at the other side of the arena. “Incidentally, the conditions of your release have been explained to the prisoners,” the Commander added, putting on a pair of brass knuckles.
“What are you doing?!” Lifeline demanded as an elderly woman was brought out forcibly by a Viper. Cobra Commander chuckled, the woman cowering and trying to run back, the Viper shoving her right back into the Commander, who delivered a right hook to her ribs. They audibly crumpled under the force of the blow, the woman groaning and staggering, coughing up blood. “STOP IT!” Lifeline begged, struggling against the chains.
“You know what to do to stop it,” Cobra Commander said smugly. He picked up the woman and delivered and uppercut to her chin, bones audibly breaking as blood spurted out of her mouth once more. The crowd of Vipers watching the match cheered as Cobra Commander beat the woman to death, his fists reducing her head to a bloody mess as he struck her over and over again. Lifeline screamed, struggling against the chains, trying to free himself, to save the people. He glanced desperately at the guns.
I can’t!! he thought, renewing his struggles.
“Well, that was boring,” Cobra Commander said. “Bring out someone who can fight back!”
The Viper nodded, going back into the cells, tossing a young man out into the arena. He saw the old woman’s corpse and screamed, sobbing.
“Awww, was dat your Grammaw?” one of the Viper’s taunted.
“Now now,” Cobra Commander admonished, amused. “No need to rub salt in the wounds.” He glanced over at Lifeline. “In the native’s wounds, anyway.”
The young man looked to Lifeline desperately, screaming at him in a language he didn’t understand. Although he got the gist of it. Why aren’t you fighting back?
“I can’t…” Lifeline wept, fear and despair filling him. “I swore that I’d never pick up a gun…”
The young man gave Lifeline a look of fury that would haunt him forever. He glanced over at the Commander, and at the pile of guns around Lifeline… and made a dash for them. The Commander, however, was faster, tripping the young man up. “Ah ah ah,” he admonished. “Those are Lifeline’s guns. Not yours.” He cracked his knuckles. “Naughty boy. Papa spank.”
The ‘spanking’ turned out to be another ruthless beating. The young man managed to get a few good hits in, but the Commander, using skills taught to him by Storm Shadow, was simply too much. And in far less time than it takes to tell, the young man was just another bloodstain on Cobra Commander’s chest. Lifeline, wrists getting rubbed raw as he struggled against the chains holding him back, sobbed helplessly, feeling trapped by his own vow of pacifism.
“Hm…” the Commander said, looking over the bloodstains of his victims. “What do you think?” He turned to a nearby female Viper. “You think I have enough blood to draw our logo on my chest with it?”
The Viper giggled. “Just a little bit more, I think,” she said.
“Little? Good idea!” Cobra Commander said. “Bring out a child!”
Lifeline screamed, his voice a mix of fear, rage, and despair. He grabbed the pistol, swinging it up towards the Commander… and everything changed.
He was in his father’s church, alone save for two others. His father was there, bible in hand, struggling in the grasp of the Dreadnok pirate Zanzibar, the cruel man’s foul odor reaching Lifeline even from a few feet away.
“You just stand the hell back, mate!” Zanzibar said, ducking down behind the preacher. The one-eyed Dreadnok scowled as he held Father Steen by the throat, the gray-haired man glaring at Lifeline as he pointed the gun at Zanzibar. “I’ll kill the bloody bastard, I swear!”
“I am not afraid,” Father Steen said, the preacher scowling at his son. “I face God with a clear conscience.”
“Dad… Dad please…” Edwin said, sobbing, the helplessness like a crushing weight on his soul. The gun was shaky in his hand, and he could barely hold onto it. “I have to save you…”
“Only God can truly save, Edwin,” Father Steen said. “Put down that instrument of murder. Put it down NOW!”
Zanzibar frowned. “Uh, mate? He’s trying to save your life,” he said to his hostage.
“I will fear no evil, for God is with me,” Father Steen said. “Put down that gun, Edwin. This is a house of God and I will NOT let you bring such a sinful device in here!”
“Dad… Dad please, just let me-” Lifeline said.
“NO!” Father Steen shouted. “You shame yourself, Edwin! You shame yourself, and you shame me by holding such a vile instrument! This sinner is beyond saving, Edwin! Are you?”
“I’m trying to save you, Dad!” Lifeline protested.
“Bugger me…” Zanzibar said. “My pa wholloped me whenever I made him mad, but you’re a right asshole.” To Lifeline, he said, “Seriously, mate, I’m considering just killing him anyway and saving us both the trouble of having to deal with him.”
Lifeline cocked the gun at Zanzibar, tears streaming down his face. “Dad, please…”
“Put down the gun, Edwin. I did not raise you to be a soldier. I did not raise you to be a murderer!” Father Steen roared.
“Mate, he’s trying to save your life here,” Zanzibar said, honestly rather astonished at the reverend’s behavior.
“I am deaf to the words of evil ones!” Father Steen snapped at the Dreadnok. “Oh God, deliver my son from his evil impulses! Implore him to put down his weapon and repent for choosing the murderer’s path!”
“...Okay, you’re an outright bastard,” Zanzibar said, looking disgusted. “And speaking as an outright bastard, I should know. Your kid’s trying to save your life and you’re yelling at him.”
“Oh God,” Father Steen intoned. “Implore my wicked boy to drop his instrument of murder! I am ready to be received into your arms, oh Lord!”
“Bloody hell,” Zanzibar said, turning to Lifeline. “Mate, I’m doing you a fuckin’ favor right now.” He pointed his gun at the back of Father Steen’s head.
“NO!” Lifeline shouted, squeezing the trigger. The pistol jerked in his hand once, and Zanzibar’s good eye dissolved in a cloud of blood, the back of his head bursting open as the bullet passed through. Father Steen flinched, turning in horror as Zanzibar staggered and fell.
“Murderer…” Father Steen growled, his teeth grinding as he turned towards Lifeline.
Lifeline, the pistol falling limply from his hands. “I… I couldn’t let him kill you, Dad…”
Before Lifeline’s eyes, Father Steen seemed to change. He began to radiate with light, his teeth turning to fangs as he charged Lifeline, wielding his bible like a bludgeon. “MURDERER! INFIDEL!!” he snarled, viciously striking Lifeline over and over again.
Lifeline had taken harder hits. Punches from Vipers. Explosions. Stabs from all sorts of edge weapons. More bullet wounds than he preferred to remember. But somehow, those blows from his father hurt even worse. “Dad… Daddy please…”
Father Steen seemed to grow bigger as Lifeline defended himself from his father’s blows. (Or was Lifeline getting smaller?) Father Steen’s eyes blazed with fire as he battered his son with increasing force. “YOU’RE NO SON OF MINE!! I CAST YOU OUT! YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF THIS FAMILY!!!”
“BEGONE, MONSTER!!!”
Darkness swarmed the phantom of Father Steen, washing both him and the church away. A pleasant coolness washed over him, like a fall breeze, and he found himself floating in a field of stars on a meteor. He felt something nuzzling him comfortingly and jumped, crab-walking backwards, turning to see Queen Luna standing there.
“H-How…” Lifeline stammered, breathing heavily.
“Forgive me, Lifeline,” Luna said. “I am unfamiliar with how the dreams of humans work, otherwise I would have been here sooner.”
“...Dreaming,” Lifeline said softly. “I’m dreaming…” He sighed, slumping over on the meteor. “Yeah, that makes sense… I’ve had those dreams before…” He looked up at dark blue alicorn, who went over to sit beside him, nuzzling him again. Unable to resist, he put an arm around her, gently hugging her. “You can enter dreams, then?”
Luna nodded. “Indeed,” she said. “It is my job to guard my sleeping ponies, and to chase away nightmares, such as the ones you suffered. And even then, I usually just take a role of guide in a dream, unless direct intervention is needed.”
“Such as with my father,” Lifeline said softly.
“Was that… was that horrible person truly your father?” Luna asked, ears going back as she looked at the doctor with concern.
Lifeline said. “Yeah… The dreams… They were the two worst memories of my life. The first one, when I picked up the pistol to shoot the Commander… It was empty. He had no intention of letting any of us go and was just tormenting me.”
“A cruel man…” Luna said.
“Yeah…” Lifeline said. “I may have gone a little insane after that incident. I doubled down on my pacifism to the point where I literally wouldn’t touch a gun to save my life. When I was promoted to officer as a reward for battlefield valor, I ruined it on my first command mission. We were ambushed by Cobra Range Vipers wanting our supplies, and I told my unit to ‘shoot to miss.’” He shook his head. “It made sense at the time, but like I said, I was a little insane…”
Luna blinked. “That… seems counter-intuitive,” she said.
Lifeline chuckled weakly. “Yeah… Scifi, our laser specialist, relieved me of command and got us all out of there alive. Cost us the supply base, but that was my fault for letting the Range Vipers get so close with my ‘tactics.’ I was demoted and sent to Sgt. Slaughter for retraining. Only reason I wasn’t court-martialed is that Scifi spoke up for me.”
Luna nodded. “He sounds like a good man… And what of the incident with your father?”
Lifeline shook his head. “Dad never liked that I joined the army. I thought I made peace with him at one point…” He sighed. “...The other man was a Dreadnok, part of a group of mercenary bikers that Cobra employs frequently. They’re pretty much cannon fodder, but they can be dangerous with proper leadership. Zanzibar was separated from the others, and got into the church where my Dad was… I… I chose to break my vow never to do harm that day. I still won’t kill unless I absolutely have to, but…”
“But your father never forgave you for that one incident…” Luna said softly, nuzzling Lifeline.
Unable to resist, Lifeline began to pet her and scratch behind her ears. He blushed. “S-Sorry, I…”
Luna giggled. “It’s fine,” she said, nuzzling into his hand. “It feels good.” Her expression turned somber again. “What happened after? Were you able to stay in touch with him?”
“Him, no, my sister yes,” Lifeline said. “My sister and her husband effectively disowned him and made it a point to stay in touch with me. As for the Joes reaction… Ah… Is there any way to call up the memory?”
Luna nodded, summoning over one of the dots of light that made the stars around them. “Just touch it and think of the memory, and it will show it.”
Lifeline did as she asked. The dot of light expanded, becoming a mirror. It showed Father Steen beating Lifeline with the bible, having him on his hands and knees. A moment later, though…
“HEY!!” bellowed Beachhead, storming in with eyes ablaze with anger. He decked Father Steen, the priest’s nose shattering as he fell back. “Ain’t no one allowed to bully him but me! Is that clear you gawddamn disgrace to the cloth?!”
The mirror faded back into a dot. Luna grinned widely. “I like him. He’s loud,” she said.
Lifeline chuckled. “He does have his Southern charm to him,” he said. He hugged Luna, smiling. “Thank you. Just… just talking like this is making me feel better…”
Luna nodded. “I’m glad… And I hate to ask you this, but perhaps you could help me…” she said. “There is another of your number suffering a nightmare… But I cannot get in to ease his pain as I did with yours…”
Lifeline nodded. “I can try,” he said. Luna nodded, and brought over a glowing sphere. Lifeline knew whose nightmare this was instantly, recognizing both the Arashikage compound and the symbol blocking entrance to it, a series of long and short red lines in a vertical pattern.
“No matter what I try, I cannot get past this barrier… I do not understand this rune…” Luna said.
“It’s the symbol of Snake-Eyes’ ninja clan, the Arashikage,” Lifeline said. “And I’m not surprised you can’t get in… Cobra’s tried to use mind control on him so many times that he’s probably worked up a ton of mental defenses.”
“Could you perhaps convince him that I mean no harm? All I wish to do is alleviate his pain…” Luna said.
Lifeline bit his lip. He wanted to respect his comrade’s privacy, but his instinct to ease the pain of others was conflicting with it. After a moment, he walked up to the symbol, and placed his hand on it. “Snake-Eyes… Snake-Eyes, its Lifeline… Luna and I… we just want to help…”
The Arashikage symbol flickered. After a moment, the symbols changed to words.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR KINDNESS
BUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED
CANNOT BE CHANGED
YOU MAY WATCH
YOU MAY LEARN
BUT SPEAK TO NO ONE OF THIS
THIS PAIN
THIS DISHONOR
THIS FAILURE
IS SOMETHING MY CLAN
MUST DEAL WITH ON ITS OWN
Neither dream guardian nor physician was pleased with this, but they both swore on their honor that they’d keep this secret. The symbols vanished, and both Lifeline and Luna stepped into the dream orb… and in an instant, they were seeing through Snake-Eyes’ eyes. Feeling what he felt. The two watched, a passenger in the ninja’s mind as he relived one of the worst days of his life.
Snake-Eyes watched with pride as his students sparred with one another. The sun rose peacefully over the beautiful stone of the mountaintop compound that housed the ancient home of the Arashikage. Storm Shadow and Scarlett sparred for the students, clad in simple black uniforms, while the disciples who had made it to the G.I. Joe team did their own training at various places around the temple. Dojo, clad in blue, yellow, and white, taught the youngest students, Dojo the only one there who was qualified enough to be a teacher aside from Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes himself.
Snake-Eyes noticed an argument breaking out among some of the disciples, and strode down the steps to break up the argument. He glided down the steps of the ancient temple, passing through the falling leaves. Jinx, Storm Shadow’s cousin was there, looking ready to garrote the young disciples she was arguing with.
“What’s going on here?” Snake-Eyes signed, his mere presence enough to break up the fight, Jinx bouncing respectfully while the disciples bowed in fear.
“We… We were protesting the samurai’s presence here,” the leader of the disciples said, pointing. Everyone looked over, and saw a man wearing a samurai kabuto and armor practicing his sword technique by himself. Snake-Eyes recognized him as Budo. A member of the G.I. Joe team and Jinx’s lover. “We were just going to-”
“They were going to throw paint balloons at him, Snake-Eyes,” Jinx said angrily.
“It’s just a harmless prank!” one of the disciples said.
Snake-Eyes glared at him. “One could argue,” he signed, “that having to clean paint off of your armor is not harmless.”
“He is not Arashikage!” protested another disciple. “He’s not even a ninja!”
“I see,” Snake-Eyes signed. “Would you protest Scarlett’s presence then?”
“I…” the first disciple who had spoken up stammered. “I… No. She is your bride, and part of the clan.”
“And if Budo should ever get off his ass and propose to Jinx, then he shall be Arashikage as well,” Snake-Eyes signed, amused at the blush that appeared on Jinx’s face. “In addition to that, Budo is a good man who has earned Jinx’s heart and the approval of both myself and Storm Shadow. Shall I bring him into this discussion?”
The disciples went white with fear at the thought of confronting an annoyed Storm Shadow. “N-No!” they yipped.
“Your souls lack balance. Perhaps you need training in it,” Snake-Eyes signed. “Perhaps cleaning up all of the fallen leaves in the entire compound while standing on your hands will help you achieve it.”
The dismayed disciples looked over the sprawling compound. “...All of it?” the youngest disciple asked.
“All of it,” Snake-Eyes signed. “And incidentally, if you miss dinner by the time you are done, then you don’t get any.” He clapped his hands, and the disciples, groaning, got to their work, hopping onto their hands and scuttling off.
Jinx bowed in gratitude. “Thank you, Snake-Eyes,” she said.
Snake-Eyes chuckled silently. “I mean it, though. You two are a lovely couple. You should get married,” he signed.
“Yes… well…” Jinx stammered, blushing. “We’re… working up to it…”
“Ah. So you are the coward, not he,” Snake-Eyes teased.
“Shaddup!” Jinx said, immediately bowing. “Sensei.” Snake-Eyes laughed silently, and motioned her off, forgiving the lapse of respect. He went over to where Scarlett and Storm Shadow were teaching, the two of them finishing up their sparring match.
It had been an impressive one. Scarlett, clad in a black bodysuit similar to Snake-Eyes, was a fast learner, and since marrying Snake-Eyes and officially being inducted into the Arashikage, she had become a skilled ninja, with an impressive array of kicks. But she was still no match for Storm Shadow, the white-clad ninja almost casually dodging Scarlett’s blows and countering them.
A final shoulder throw, deliberately designed to toss Scarlett into Snake-Eyes’ arms, ended the spar. Snake-Eyes caught Scarlett easily, holding her bridal-style. “Snaaaake, your brother is bullying me,” Scarlett said, grinning.
Storm Shadow snickered, a smirk on his handsome face. “Is it my fault you cannot counter a simple counter-counter-throw? No, it is not,” he said.
Snake-Eyes rolled his eyes, gently setting down Scarlett. The intelligence officer grinned, pulling up his mask long enough to give him a kiss on the lips, a happy warmth filling the ninja. “No comment on my punishment for the unrulies earlier?” he signed.
Storm Shadow chuckled. “Ah, the curse of having the ‘Ear that Sees,’” he said, referring to his abnormally intense hearing. “No, that seemed appropriate enough for so banal a prank. Although honestly, I would have liked to see them try to actually hit him. I would have loved to see their faces when that fool Budo cut their balloons out of the air without getting so much as a drop of paint on himself.”
Snake-Eyes smiled. “Jinx would never let them get that far,” he signed. “She-”
“A moment,” Storm Shadow said, holding up a hand for silence. A confused look crossed his face, and he rubbed at his ear.
“COBRA AIRSHIPS INBOUND!” Jinx shouted, she and Budo running back into the main compound.
“...Their stealth technology is improving,” Storm Shadow said, pulling his mask on.
“All children get inside right now!” Dojo roared. “All advanced disciples, form up under the Joes and get ready to fight! Storm Shadow, Snake-Eyes, and Scarlett are in command!”
“Get to hidden positions and get ready to intercept!” Scarlett ordered. “NINJA VANISH!!!”
Smoke bombs burst, filling the plaza of the temple with smoke. All of the gathered ninjas vanished, using their talents to blend in with the shadows, with the shrubbery, with the stone. Only Storm Shadow could hear the quietly drawn swords, the Joe ninjas readying firearms and bows, and only Snake-Eyes remained visible, ninjato in one hand, Uzi in the other. He deliberately made himself a target, so as to lure the Cobra troops into a killbox.
A single Cobra helicarrier, accompanied by a squadron of Mamba helicopters, hovered above the temple, shrouding it in darkness. There was a thumping sound, and a large shipping container was discharged from the helicarrier, hover jets lowering it down gently into the center of the temple.
Snake-Eyes frowned in confusion, cautiously approaching the container. The moment he took a step forward, though, the container burst open, fast moving, moonlight-white robots swarming out of it. They were tall, at least seven feet, resembling emaciated humans in appearance. Their heads looked like B.A.T.s, but unlike the regular battle android troopers, these possessed mouths filled with razor-sharp fangs. From their long, clawed arms emerged whiplike tentacles that moved with minds of their own.
And they were fast. Shockingly fast.
Snake-Eyes managed to damage one with his Uzi, but the machines themselves moved almost as skillfully as he did. In addition, the tentacles in the arms seemed to have minds of their own. It was only because of his sheer skill that he managed to cut them. But as soon as he did, the tentacles seemed to regrow. In far shorter a time than it takes to tell, Snake-Eyes was trapped up and helpless, the ninja having flashbacks to the Cobra-La mess when he was trapped in the living forest. He tried to flex his way out of the metal cables, but electricity surged through them, the ninja for the first time in his life regretting that he carried so much metal on his person.
Slumping over in the cables, he could only watch helplessly, the B.A.T. holding him in the air like a trophy as the other B.A.T.s systematically hunted down and captured the other ninjas, thunder echoing through the temple. A couple of the robots were destroyed by Budo, but from what the barely conscious Snake-Eyes could tell, it was because they were specifically designed to fight ninjas, while Budo fought using straight up kenjutsu. None of the others could land a blow, as if the B.A.T.s were specifically programmed to counteract Arashikage fighting techniques.
Snake-Eyes struggled to get out of the cables, but every time he did, the B.A.T. electrocuted him again. As he hung there in the grip of the mechanical monstrosity, someone else began to walk out of the container. Hatred surged through Snake-Eyes’ heart as he looked into the smirking, hooded face of Cobra Commander.
“Do you like my new A.N.B.A.T.s?” Cobra Commander asked, his tone pleasant, almost conversational. “And yes, the A.N. stands for Anti-Ninja. You can call them Electro-B.A.T.s if you think its too silly.” Snake-Eyes looked around, seeing his students getting knocked out, while his fellow Joes, including his beloved Scarlet, were captured. Cobra Commander chuckled. “I tell you what, it was a pain getting these things to work right. Expensive, too. The tasers were a last minute addition. My Ninja Vipers threatened rebellion if they were active during the testing phase.”
Snake-Eyes just sneered at him, trying to reach for a knife to cut free of the cables. The A.N.B.A.T. sensed his movement, and sent a shock through the cables again, the ninja twitching and slumping over in its grasp, smoldering.
“Naughty naughty,” Cobra Commander said, wagging his finger admonishingly. “You just stay put while I have some fun.” He turned to one of the A.N.B.A.T.s and motioned it over. “Bring me Storm Shadow.”
The two A.N.B.A.T.s holding Storm Shadow, keeping his limbs spread-eagled, scuttled over, Storm Shadow visibly smirking beneath his mask. “It took two of them to bring me down, brother,” he snarked. Snake-Eyes just let his head droop, shaking it in disbelief at his sword-brother’s confidence.
“Are you SERIOUSLY going to have a dick-measuring contest NOW!?” Scarlett said.
“It’s a guy thing,” Storm Shadow said. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Sassy creature, isn’t she?” Cobra Commander said, smirking as he yanked Storm Shadow’s mask off, revealing his handsome face.
“You’re one to talk,” Storm Shadow said. “You’re giving off some MAJOR yandere vibes right now. I know, I never call, I never write, but baby, the love just wasn’t ever there.”
“Cute,” Cobra Commander said, eyes narrowing. “Real cute.”
“S’what the ladies keep telling me,” Storm Shadow said. “Speaking of which, I never did properly repay you for killing that one girl I was fond of. I think I’ll start by peeling the skin off of your dick and making a little hat out of it. And then-”
Cobra Commander snapped his fingers, the two robots electrocuting him again. Storm Shadow screamed in agony as the electricity ripped through him, slumping over once the charge ended. Panting, he managed to laugh again. “You know… Constantly trying to get me back into your service is getting rather old… What, are Slice and Dice not working out?” Storm Shadow teased.
“Slice and Dice are excellent assassins and terrible bodyguards,” Cobra Commander said. “No, you were special… I felt I could sleep at night with you by my side…”
“Okay, I was just teasing when I said you were in love with me, but the way you’re talking right now isn’t really helping,” Storm Shadow laughed, the other Joes starting to grin as well, Storm Shadow’s confidence infectious. Cobra Commander just smiled, and whispered in Storm Shadow’s ear for a few moments. As the Commander spoke, all of the confidence drained out of the ninja’s face, replaced by utter terror. “You wouldn’t…” he said softly. Those two words, spoken with rarely heard fear, sent a chill through the hearts of all those present.
“You’ve known me long enough to know that I would,” Cobra Commander said, having not lost his smirk this entire time.
“Brother…” Storm Shadow said, his voice quivering with fright, the sound making the other ninjas frightened as well. “Brother… What they have planned… Please, don’t let them take me…” He began to struggle again, screaming as the A.N.B.A.T.s holding him began to electrocute him once more.
Snake-Eyes and the other Joes began to struggle in earnest, thrashing about in the coils holding them, getting shocked in response. One by one, the ninjas all slumped over, unconscious, as the pain became too much for them. Despite the shocks, Storm Shadow kept fighting, screaming and pleading for rescue. Snake-Eyes was the last to fall, the last thing he saw before everything went black being Storm Shadow’s fear-twisted, tear-stained face begging for rescue, the last thing he heard being Cobra Commander’s mocking laughter alongside his brother’s pleas…
Luna and Lifeline were both kicked out of Snake-Eyes’ memory, Luna falling to her knees and weeping. “Monster… That man… a monster…” she stammered.
“I remember that day,” Lifeline said softly. “The base was radioed, saying that something had happened and you all needed help.” As a weeping Luna and stunned into silence Lifeline watched, the words appeared on the memory bubble again.
IT WAS THE COMMANDER
HE RADIOED YOU AFTER ESCAPING
WANTED US ALIVE TO SUFFER
THE A.N.B.A.T.S ALL LEFT THE BASE AND SELF-DESTRUCTED WHEN HE WAS OUT OF RANGE
HE WAS MOCKING US
HE MOCKS US STILL
“I’m sorry…” Luna said. “A memory this powerful… I wouldn’t even begin to know how to comfort you…”
THANK YOU FOR TRYING
I HONESTLY APPRECIATE IT
BUT THIS IS SOMETHING OUR CLAN MUST DEAL WITH ON ITS OWN
REMEMBER YOUR VOW
Lifeline nodded, as did Luna. “None shall hear of it from me,” she promised.
“I think you should talk about it,” Lifeline said. “But I won’t say anything until you are ready.”
The memory bubble floated away, leaving Luna and Lifeline alone. Lifeline sighed. “Thank you too, Luna, for pulling me out of my own nightmare,” he said. “I think I’ll be fine for the rest of the night.”
Luna stood up and nuzzled the medic. “If you’re sure,” she said, visibly concerned.
Lifeline nodded, smiling. “I am. Thank you again,” he said.
Luna nodded as well, frowning as she glanced in the direction Snake-Eyes’ memory bubble had traveled. “Then I shall leave you to your rest, then. I must attend to other dreamers tonight,” she said.
“Will we see you in the morning?” Lifeline asked.
Luna shook her head. “Most likely not. As I am the ‘night shift,’ I usually am asleep during the day, sharing only breakfast and dinner with my sister,” she said. “I can skip a night or two if required, or if there’s an event such as this evening’s dinner, but usually our times are separate.”
Lifeline smiled. “A shame. I’d love to ask you about dream magic. It seems like an amazing way to help others…”
Luna chuckled. “We’ll see, my friend,” she said. “There’s still time before you have to return. In the mean time, please enjoy a different kind of dream to help you relax.” She spread her wings and flew off, black feathers swirling about Lifeline as he found himself in an entirely different kind of dream.
In it, he was in a rather lush apartment, wearing only a silk nightgown. And with him was a very special old friend of his, the elegant heiress Bree Van Mark. Lifeline blushed happily as she pulled her own nightgown aside, revealing nothing underneath. He and Bree didn’t work out, but they were still friends. Yes, he’d be enjoying this dream a LOT more than the other one…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ The next day… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Shipwreck, Cover Girl, Wild Bill, and Cross Country all sat together in the commissary, engaged in casual conversation as they ate breakfast. “PT wasn’t too bad today,” Shipwreck commented idly, feeding a grape to his parrot.
“Heh. Lack of Beachhead screaming at us to move faster,” Wild Bill chuckled, pouring syrup over his pancakes.
“Yeah,” Cover Girl said, smiling. “Don’t get me wrong, Stalker’s a great trainer, but he lacks Beachhead’s ability to make everything seem like survival training.” The four of them laughed. They all respected Beachhead, but the man was a merciless taskmaster in physical training.
As they ate, Barbecue came up to them, glad in civilian clothes, a simple t-shirt with a map of Boston on it and a pair of bluejeans. “Hey guys,” he said.
“Hey, Barbecue!” Cross Country said. “Didn’t see you at PT today. You slackin’?”
Barbecue chuckled. “I just got back from leave a few minutes ago,” he said. “Gimmie a break! I wanted to say hi before checking in with the general.”
“Wait, what?” Cover Girl said, she and the others giving him a confused look. “What do you mean ‘just got back?’”
“Like I said,” the Bostonian said idly, stealing a grape from Shipwreck’s platter and munching on it. “I just checked in with the guards a few minutes ago. Was gonna do final check in with the general, but I saw they were serving breakfast and figured I’d snag some chow first.” Barbecue swallowed the grape and smiled. “Hey, what’s all the scuttlebutt about alien ponies I’m hearing?” He noticed the four of them staring, Wild Bill’s sunglasses sliding down his nose. “...Something wrong?”
“You… You can’t have ‘just got back,’” Cross Country said, his already thick Southern drawl intensifying as he got nervous.
“Yeah!” Shipwreck said, pointing. “We, we all saw you talking to Private Conner, one of the greenshirts! You were wearing your uniform, the one with the…” Shipwreck’s hand began to shake as a horrible thought occurred to him. The growing expressions of horror on the faces of Cross Country, Wild Bill, Cover Girl, and Barbecue showed that they were thinking the same thing. “…the helmet with the tinted visor that covers your face, so no one can see who you are.”
Zartan.
“GENERAL!!” Cross Country screamed as the five of them ran for General Hawk’s office, abandoning their breakfast.
A few minutes later, an alarm sounded across the base.
Duke, the Joes, an assortment of Royal Guard recruits, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, Queen Celestia, Shining Armor, Cadance, Discord, Ember, and Pharynx all stared at the obstacle course. Snake-Eyes, Ember, and Pharynx looked moderately impressed, while Rainbow Dash was fidgeting, trying to hide how nervous she looked. Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer were both staring with jaws dropped, while Queen Celestia and Duke were keeping their faces as neutral as possible, unable to hide the twitch in one eyebrow. The Joes, Private Conner in particular, and Royal Guardsmen all looked horrified. Shining Armor was facehoofing, while Cadance was giving Discord a glare, the draconequus just BARELY restraining himself from laughing.
In front of them was a twisting maze of pain, punishment, barbed wire, magical traps, and mud pits that the two Frankenstein scientists known as Tempest Shadow and Beachhead had created earlier that morning. The two of them, both sporting happy smiles, stood in front of their monster of an obstacle course.
“Well? What do you think?” Tempest Shadow said.
“We’ve both run it ourselves, and its perfect,” Beachhead said. “Quite possibly the best we’ve made.” He turned to Tempest, smiling. “And I couldn’t have done it without you, Tempest.”
Tempest giggled girlishly, which astonished Twilight and the guards, heart bubbles flowing from the two drill sergeants as they looked at each other.
“I think,” Duke said slowly, “that you’ve finally managed to out-sadist Sergeant Slaughter.”
Beachhead grinned. “Thank you, sir!” he said, saluting.
Thankfully, for Duke’s nerves, a unicorn guard came running up to them, carrying the communication journal in his magical aura. It was blinking bright red. “Oh thank God,” Duke said softly, grateful for the distraction. “What is it, soldier?”
“Forgive me,” the guardstallion said, “but I was passing by the guest quarters on routine patrol when I noticed the journal glowing. I thought you should see it.”
“Duke…” Twilight said, looking worried, “when the journal is glowing red like that, it means that there’s a very important message inside.”
The Joes, worried, all came up to Duke as he frowned and opened the journal, reading it. After a moment, he slowly closed the journal and looked up, his expression dark.
“I liked Private Conner,” Duke said softly.
Private Conner blinked. “Sir?” he said, sounding confused.
“Private Matthew Conner was a good kid. He had potential,” Duke said, turning and whipping out his sidearm, pointing it at the Private’s face, the Private yipping in fear and raising his hands. “And he didn’t deserve to be killed, Zartan.”
The Equestrian natives all gave Duke a confused look. The Joes, save for Conner, went wide-eyed in recognition of the name, their expressions turning to rage as they started to draw their weapons.
Private Conner just chuckled. “If it helps,” he said in a voice much deeper than the one he had been using, “he didn’t suffer. I was in something of a hurry, after all.”
“It really doesn’t,” Duke said.
“Didn’t expect it would,” Zartan said, doing a snap kick to Duke’s chest that sent him sprawling back into the crowd of ponies and Joes. He turned to flee, pulling a hood over his face as he grew about a foot in height, his youthful features becoming harsher and older, black marks appearing over eyes that turned almost completely green.
Before he could get very far, though, Snake-Eyes tackled him to the ground, slamming his face into the dirt hard. Zartan tried strike back, but Snake-Eyes, burning with fury, grabbed Zartan’s arm and broke it, the snap audible over the field as the shapeshifter screamed in pain.
“Snake-Eyes, we need him alive for interrogation!” Duke commanded.
Snake-Eyes, keeping a firm grip on Zartan, whirled on his commanding officer. “I know,” Duke said. “He killed your Master. He’s killed a lot of people and deserves what you want to do to him.” He shook his head. “But right now, we need to know how much HE knows, how much he was able to get back to Cobra Commander.”
Zartan snickered despite the pain. “Oh, you’d be surprised,” he chuckled, Snake-Eyes slamming his face into the ground again, the ponies all flinching while Pharynx and Ember watched in approval, Discord hovering above them all and watching with bemusement.
Lady Jaye came up to Zartan and gripped him by the hood, threatening to yank it back. “I’d suggest cooperating,” the intelligence officer said. “In addition to a VERY grumpy ninja with a blood vow against you, we have the literal embodiment of this world’s sun with us. So I’d suggest cooperating, Zartan. We’re NEVER going to let Cobra get a foothold in this world.”
And then Zartan said something that chilled them. “...You really don’t know,” he said softly. And then he began to laugh.
“What are you talkin’ about, you gawddamn chameleon?!” Beachhead roared.
“Oh! Oh this is perfect!” Zartan said. “Cobra Commander was so paranoid when he realized you were coming here. He thought he had been found out but you STILL don’t know!”
“What do you mean!?” Lady Jaye demanded.
“We’ve been in Mythos, in Equestria itself, for the past FIVE YEARS!” Zartan said, laughing.
Fear gripped the heart of everyone present, even Discord looking alarmed. “...W-What?!” Duke said. “That’s… we’d have noticed! How have you gone under our radar for so long!?”
“That’s not the question you should be asking,” Zartan said, grinning demonically, blood streaming down his face. “What you should be asking is this: ‘How many of my greenshirts are actually Cobra blueshirts?’”
The Joes were confused for a moment… and then realized, to their dismay, what he meant.
“You’re patched in, and Zartan’s given the code phrase. That’s your cue, Commander,” said a grinning Tele-Viper, the words ‘Dis gon be good’ flashing across her visor.
Cobra Commander, a demonic grin on his face, gripped a microphone, and sung one line.
“Crashing through the sky, comes a fearful cry…”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ G.I. Joe HQ… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“What the fuck…” Private Davis said as Cobra Commander’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Hey, Corporal, what was that abou-”
He stared as Corporal Angela Hicks took off her uniform shirt and tossed it into her locker, opening a hidden panel and pulling out a blue shirt with a distinctive red cobra symbol on it. She smiled apologetically at him. “Sorry,” she said. “Duty calls, and all.” Before Davis could say anything else, she shot him in the face.
Davis went down hard, spraying blood from his bullet hole as around her, more of Hicks’ fellow Cobras killed greenshirts next to them. She smirked, pulling a helmet out of the hidden panel of her locker and putting it on, along with the vest that symbolized her status as a Cobra Officer.
“All right you snakes,” she called out. “The Commander’s given the word! Let’s get this invasion started! COBRA!!”
“COBRA!!” the other troopers screamed back, charging out into the base.
Friendship is G.I. Chapter 8: Pitfall by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ The Pit… Primary Dojo... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“What the hell… is something happening?” Bushido said, the white and blue-clad ninja cleaning one his kamas when he heard the alarms going off. Around him, the other ninjas were all gathered, sparring with one another or maintaining their weapons. Early morning was unofficially the time when the main martial arts training facility belonged solely to the ninjas under Snake-Eyes’ command, for their own personal training. With Snake-Eyes gone, and Scarlett having other duties, the disciples were all under the care of the eldest ninja there, Dojo.
Kamakura, the youngest student there, looked worried. “Are we under attack?” the black-masked, green-clad ninja asked.
“Hush,” Dojo said, the blue and yellow-clad ninja listening carefully. He turned to Jinx, the red-clad kunoichi’s eyes widening. “What do you hear?”
Jinx, who had been training her hearing to match her cousin Storm Shadow’s, quickly went for her katana. “Gunfire. We are under attack!”
“Damn it, father,” Billy muttered. “What are you up to?”
“Geez,” Banzai said, the bare-chested, purple-masked ninja said as he grabbed his sai. “When did the snakes get some balls?”
“Save it for when you’re putting knives in necks,” Dojo said. “Let’s move out, Joes!” He grabbed the door to the dojo… and found it locked. “What the…”
“Locked?” Kamakura asked.
Dojo fiddled with the latch, and slammed his shoulder against it. “Jammed, it feels like,” he said. “Roof exits, now!”
The ninjas immediately did as they were told, climbing the pad and bar-laden walls like colorful spiders to get to the roof hatches. Once in the roof, they would crawl through the vents to get out of the room and escape. When they did, however…
“What the HELL!?” called out Bushido.
“Even the vents are sealed shut!” Banzai called out.
Dojo frowned. “HOW!? We were using them just yesterday! For someone to have blocked them off, they had to have done them last night, knowing we’d all be in here…” A horrified thought occurred to him. “Traitors. We have traitors in our midst.”
The other ninjas all look shocked at that. “We’d have noticed,” Nunchuck insisted, the camo-painted martial artist said, coughing.
“Except we didn’t,” Dojo admonished. “We have to-” He began coughing. “What is…”
“GAS!” Jinx said, coughing.
“Find the source!” Dojo ordered, coughing. He could feel himself getting dizzy. “Block it off! T’Jbang, help me break down the door!”
The silent, yellow-clad warrior nodded, coughing and aiding Dojo as they slammed into the door over and over again, trying to remove the jam in the way. But the invisible gas grew more and more intense, and one by one, the ninjas fell unconscious. Dojo, just before he fainted, heard a voice outside the blockaded door.
“Don’t worry,” the voice said. “You’ll live. The Commander wants you humiliated this time, not destroyed.” Dojo looked out the door just before he fainted, and saw the smirking face of Zandar through the door’s window…
Zandar ran a hand through his short red hair, silently glad the ninjas were down. He thought the Commander was foolish for leaving them alive, especially his traitorous son. But then again, the Commander was making many decisions that were risky as of late. Zandar ran a hand over the healed over knife would in his neck where he had…
Wait.
“Snake-Eyes is in the other world. Storm Shadow is ours. Scarlett is elsewhere…” he said, counting the unconscious ninjas in the dojo. “So that’s Jinx, Kamakura, Tiger Claw, Dojo, Nunchuck, T’Jbang, Banzai, Bushido, the commander’s treacherous son, …” He realized one of the ninjas was missing. “Damn it! Where is…”
He just barely managed to dodge out of the way of the thrown potato peeler, which embedded itself in the wall near him. “Looking for me?” called a voice. Zandar turned, and saw the last ninja, clad in white with a red mask and belt, wielding a butcher knife and a meat cleaver, a sash filled with hastily placed kitchen knives over his chest and a cast-iron skillet tied to his belt
“T’Gin-Zu,” Zandar cursed. “Where have you been?”
“Fortunately, and I cannot believe I am saying that and meaning it, I was on KP duty,” the ninja said, twirling his improvised weapons and taking a stance. “Where is sensei Storm Shadow? Why is Cobra here?”
“Storm Shadow is far beyond your reach, boy,” Zandar said, stepping backwards and literally disappearing from view. “As for why we’re here… well, that should be obvious. To kill you all…” It wasn’t the real plan, but it angered T’Gin-Zu. Plus the bafflement on the face of the young ninja as he became invisible made it worth it. He ran off, moving as quietly as he knew how to be. Once he was certain he was far enough away, he radioed the Siegie in charge of the invasion. “There is still one ninja active other than Scarlett. I repeat, one ninja still active.”
“Damn,” the Crimson Guardsman said. “All right. You did your best. Keep creating havoc and kill as many as you can.”
“Nothing like a suicide mission, eh?” Zandar joked.
“If Joes die, then its a win for us,” the Crimson Guardsman said. “Even if all of us are killed in exchange.”
Zandar rolled his eyes, the Guardsman suddenly cut off with the distinctive sound of a head exploding from a hollow point round. Forgive me if I prioritize survival, Zandar thought, heading off to see if he could kill a few more Joes before he made a break for it. This whole mission was stupid, anyway.
T’Gin-Zu cursed angrily after a cursory examination revealed Zandar’s escape, kicking the blockade open and letting the dojo vent out. “I am sorry my brothers and sister,” he said to his still-unconscious teammates. “I am sorry I did not get here sooner. But I will make Zandar pay.”
He ran off down the hall, ready to make the Dreadnok pay for humiliating his clan. And praying he could do something to stop this invasion.
“Believe me, I’d love to send you,” Twilight said. “But the portal needs time to recharge! It can only be used once a week!”
“Gawddamn it! Our people are in danger!” Beach Head snarled.
“If what Zartan said is true, then we got traitors in our ranks!” Roadblock yelled.
“Can’t you charge the portal directly or something?” Ember asked.
“No!” Twilight said, tears of frustration flowing. “We tried that during the testing phase and it blew up! We had to start from scratch and rebuild the portal!”
“What about him?” Pharynx said, gesturing to Discord.
Discord shook his head. “I can’t get near it,” he said. “It’s almost pure order magic. I come within a few feet of it, it might open up to a world of dancing chimichangas. Or something far less amusing.”
Twilight shivered. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry… I never foresaw any of this!”
“You couldn’t have, darling,” Rarity said, gently nuzzling the alicorn.
“She’s right,” Spirit said. “Cobra has proven frighteningly competent in the past. It is a failure of intelligence and observation on our part that we’ve missed both Cobra’s presence in the base and their inroads into your world.”
“Which we STILL need to discuss,” Tempest Shadow said. “We don’t know the capabilities of Cobra’s current forces and how they compare to ours.”
Snake-Eyes just paced back and forth in frustration. “I want to talk to Zartan,” he signed.
“You want to stab him a few million times,” Rock n’ Roll said.
“That too,” Snake-Eyes said. “But I’ll make him talk first.”
“We need him alive for information, Snake-Eyes,” Duke ordered. “He can’t talk if he’s too busy screaming in agony.”
Snake-Eyes’ sneer was visible through his mask, and he started moving his hands to say something else, but Luna cut him off.
“We must trust in your Lady Jaye and my sister to get information out of the shapeshifter,” the alicorn Queen said. “All of us were caught flat-hoofed by this, and the only ones truly to blame are Cobra themselves.”
“That’s right,” Sunset Shimmer said, flaring her wings. “We need to focus on the problem of getting the Joes home and investigating Cobra’s presence in this world.” She turned to Twilight. “Are you sure you can’t fast charge the portal?” She already knew, having helped build it, but Twilight was the head of the project and knew more about the design.
“Everything about it is fine-tuned to the nth degree. Any disruption could disable it and force us to start from scratch,” Twilight said.
“...Such as an attack on it,” Shining Armor said, Twilight’s eyes shooting up in alarm, everyone else realizing what he meant quickly.
“...Damn, he’s right,” Duke said. “Your Majesty-”
Queen Luna was already moving, quickly writing up orders on a scroll and drawing Cobra’s symbol on it, the Joes having shown it to her last night. “Rainbow Dash. Fastest in Equestria. Take this to the Wonderbolt station here in Canterlot and have them guard the portal. They are to attack and eliminate any creature approaching the portal with this symbol on them,” she said.
Rainbow Dash saluted, and sped off in a swirl of color with the message.
Cadance came forward. “Forgive us, Auntie,” she said. “But I’m becoming antsy about our own kingdom.”
“Same,” Pharynx said. “Thorax and Chrysalis really need to know about this.”
Ember frowned. “Yeah, I’m gettin’ kinda nervous now. You mind if we all head back?”
Queen Luna nodded. “Discord, can you make portals back to their homes?” she asked.
“Why do I have to be taxi service?” the draconequus grumped.
“Because I am sending you to Ponyville to protect Fluttershy and Applejack afterwards,” Queen Luna said.
Discord stared at the alicorn queen, and the Joes could see the potential danger of the situation finally sinking into the all-powerful being’s head. “...Fine,” he said, snapping his fingers. Three portals appeared, leading into three different throne rooms, the creatures on the other end looking startled.
“Thank you,” Shining Armor said. “Please, keep us informed.”
“You know it,” Spike said, saluting as Shining, Cadance, Pharynx and Ember returned to their respective lands. The portals vanished after they passed through, Discord snapping his fingers and vanishing in a swirl of snack cakes moments later.
Queen Luna discreetly claimed a moon pie from the mess. She started to say something, when a wet sounding explosion came from the room where Jaye and Celestia were interrogating Zartan, startling everyone.
Jaye and Celestia both staggered out, covered in blood and sputtering.
“Your Majesty!” Sunset said, teleporting some napkins from the kitchens and starting to wipe down Celestia. “What happened?”
Jaye accepted the napkins Sunset offered her, scowling. “See for yourself,” she said angrily.
Snake-Eyes, Rarity, and Mutt were the closest, looking into the room, Junkyard poking his head in along with them. Junkyard whimpered and backed away, Rarity turning to vomit into a vase, while Mutt gagged and staggered out. “Holy shit… His head exploded!” Snake-Eyes just stared, shaking in barely contained fury, his vengeance denied.
“AAAAH!!!” Zartan screamed, scrabbling to get away from Celestia’s sunlight as the alicorn glowed brightly, his skin a bright blue. “TURN IT OFF!! TURN IT OFF!”
Lady Jaye, covering her eyes to protect herself and looking away, calmly asked, “Are you going to cooperate?”
“YES!” Zartan wailed. “JUST GET THAT OVERGROWN SUN LAMP TO STOP GLOWING AT ME!!”
Lady Jaye nodded, and Celestia faded back to normal light. “I do not like using my light for this purpose,” she said.
“Forgive me, your Majesty,” Lady Jaye said. “But we’re on a time crunch, and exploiting his weakness to sunlight was the fastest and cleanest method of doing it.” She picked up Zartan, his skin turning back to normal, his arms ziptied behind his back and his legs ziptied together, and put him back on his chair. “Now, it’s time to clarify what you meant.”
Zartan chuckled. “Half of your greenshirts are actually our Troopers, Zandar, and a Siegie,” he said. “They have been for months now. It doesn’t matter if I tell you now because the Commander’s already given the code to attack.”
“HOW?” Lady Jaye demanded, her face cold and emotionless.
“Little implant in my neck,” Zartan said. “Magitek communicator. Mindbender’s been making some crazy advances since we found a portal to this world.”
“Yes,” said Cobra Commander’s voice from Zartan’s body, Lady Jaye and Celestia looking startled. “And I’m afraid that’s all I’m letting you have.”
“Commander…” Zartan said, looking frightened. “Commander, I wasn’t going to give them anything they could use!”
“You were going to spoil my surprises! Snitch out all the little Christmas presents I have planned for them!” Cobra Commander said. “That’s just rude… Now I have to activate the magitek implant’s secondary function.”
Zartan’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? What secondary function?”
“You and I both liked the Suicide Squad movie with Will Smith,” Cobra Commander said. “You know exactly what the secondary function is.”
Zartan stared into space for a moment, and closed his eyes, beginning to laugh.
Celestia blinked. “Suicide Squad? What is he talking about?”
Lady Jaye, not a comics fan herself, frowned. “Zartan, what’s going on?”
Zartan shook his head. “Years of loyalty,” he said. “Years of putting up with your inane schemes…”
“Sorry,” Cobra Commander lied. “Everyone but me is expendable. You know I’ve always believed that.”
“True, true…” Zartan said. “It seems Zandar and Zarana’s paranoia about the implants were well-founded… Ah well.” He sneered at the two women, as a sizzling sound began to come from him. “My only real regret is that I won’t be able to see Snake-Eyes’ expression when he realizes his vengeance was stolen from him.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Now… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“And then his head blew up,” Lady Jaye said, spitting out some brain matter. Snake-Eyes, despite being mute, somehow managed to growl, punching a wall in frustration and leaving cracks in it, much to the alarm of the guards in the room.
Celestia burst into a white-hot flame for a brief moment, burning away all the remaining gore on her body. “We have to start an immediate investigation. We… what in the world is that sound?”
Everyone looked up, the Joes getting worried expressions when they realized what they were hearing. “...Cobra,” Spirit said softly, the Joes all running to the nearest balcony to observe what was coming in.
“SHIT!” Mainframe said as he recognized the boxy design. “That’s a B.A.T. dropship!”
“Bats?” Queen Celestia asked.
“B.A.T.s,” Duke clarified, spelling out the acronym. “Short for Battle Android Troopers. Automatons programmed for one purpose – Kill everything with a heartbeat.”
Snake-Eyes, already shaking with rage from losing his chance to avenge his master, began to shake for another reason. Lifeline noticed it, putting a hand on the ninja’s shoulder, Snake-Eyes gripping it for comfort.
“Ammo count!” Duke roared as the ship came down, dropping a large container into the castle gardens, guards cautiously approaching it.
The doors burst open, and B.A.T.s began spilling out. “Not anywhere near enough,” Roadblock said.
Beach Head pulled out a pair of binoculars and began studying the machines. “Mostly standard issues, mark 1s. About thirty Inferno B.A.T.s, ten heavy armor types, and twenty I ain’t never seen before. Clawed and with mouths.”
The aforementioned clawed B.A.T.s opened their mouths and let out a scream. The sound was human, and very familiar.
“God… Is that Storm Shadow’s voice?” Lady Jaye said.
Snake-Eyes, upon hearing the voice of his sword brother coming from the mouths of the monsters who had haunted his nightmares for so long, staggered, a choking noise coming from his throat. He fell to his hands and knees, shaking and hyperventilating as he became overwhelmed by the memories of that night, Luna and Lifeline trading worried looks.
“Snake? Snake-Eyes, what’s happening?” Duke asked, glancing out when he heard the guards starting to fight the B.A.T.s, screams coming from the guards as the machines returned fire. Celestia and Luna had already vanished, teleporting to coordinate the defense, while Roadblock and Mutt started shooting as well, some of the B.A.T.s dying in a squawk.
“What are those things?” Rock & Roll asked, joining Roadblock and Mutt in the firing line.
Lifeline knelt down by the shaking ninja. “They have to know,” he said softly. Reluctantly, still shivering in fear, still fighting back the memories, nodded. Lifeline turned to the others. “Those clawed ones are called A.N.B.A.T.s. Short for Anti-Ninja. They’re an anti-melee type. Cobra Commander dumped a ton of them on the Arashikage compound the night Storm Shadow was taken. They…” He shook his head. “It was a curbstomp. They defeated every ninja there.”
The Joes all stared in growing horror. They’d seen Snake-Eyes and the other ninjas defeat B.A.T.s as if they weren’t even there. If Cobra Commander had figured out a way to make them too much for the ninjas to defeat... The clawed B.A.T.s screamed again. Snake-Eyes made a choking sound. Everyone there realized that the ninja was sobbing now.
“PTSD…” Tempest said softly.
“Damn it… You up for fighting these things?” Beach Head asked. Snake-Eyes dearly wanted to say yes, but it was too much. He could barely move right now, and shook his head. “Fuck. Duke…” Beach Head muttered.
“Stay here,” Duke ordered the ninja. “Defend the civilians. You’re our best man for that right now.”
Snake-Eyes shivered. He knew that Duke was giving him an out, something to do other than give into his nightmares. He nodded gratefully, and used his sheathed sword to push himself upright.
“Lifeline, I’m going to want to know how you knew that. For now, let’s junk those machines!” Duke said. “Tempest, where would Celestia and Luna go to coordinate the battlefield?”
“I’ll take you,” she said.
“Right,” Duke said. “Beach, Spirit, Jaye, Mainframe, you’re with me. We’ll head to the Queens and help from there. Lifeline, coordinate with any medical ponies you find. Roadblock, Rock & Roll, Mutt, charge these things and draw them off from the guards. Keep to cover and come back alive.”
“I’ll help the fighters!” Twilight said, desperate to be useful.
“So will I,” Sunset said.
“I can send messages via dragonflame,” Spike said. “I’ll help coordinate things.”
“Glad to have you with us. Let’s go! YO JOE!” Roadblock said, everyone running off to their positions, Snake-Eyes wishing everyone well, and cursing his own weakness, hating how he quivered in fear whenever one of the A.N.B.A.T.s roared in Storm Shadow’s voice.
Brother… Snake-Eyes thought. I’m so sorry… I’ll save you… And I’ll make everyone who dares wear Cobra’s symbol PAY…
Rarity stayed behind, knowing she wasn’t a fighter. Pinkie Pie stayed as well, knowing she was well out of her element here. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you…” Rarity said. “I won’t condescend and pretend I understand how you feel. But I know you are in pain. I understand Gesturespeak, so if you want to talk…”
Snake-Eyes hesitated a long moment. “...Thank you. Perhaps later,” he signed, shivering at another roar from the A.N.B.A.T.s. “Right now, I need to focus on being able to function around those things without turning into a mess.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ The Pit… Human World... /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Blowtorch, Charbroil, and the Ice Cream Soldier all blasted their flamethrowers, sending a crowd of Cobras running for their lives. The three flame troopers sneered at the traitors, feeling no sympathy as one of the female Cobras, having taken a full on blast to the face, collapsed, dead.
“Damn it,” Blowtorch said, the veteran Joe shaking his head. “This is a mess and a half…”
“Don’t I know it,” Charbroil said. “To think we’ve been infiltrated for this long.”
“It is a pain, ain’t it?” Ice Cream Soldier said, calm as always.
Blowtorch laughed. “I never get how yuir able te stay calm no matter what,” he said. “It’s a good quality.”
Ice Cream Soldier chuckled. “Hey, I didn’t get my name because of my undying love for Rocky Road,” he said. “On your left.”
“Aye,” Blowtorch said, turning and flaming down the hallway, scaring back the Cobras that were coming down it.
“Gotta be cool if you’re a flame specialist,” Charbroil quipped.
“Rather difficult,” Ice Cream Soldier added. “Since we’re all so damn HOT.” The trio laughed, turning the corner and running into a Cobra that had been separated from the others.
Charbroil slammed him up against the wall. “Any particular reason you assholes are here?”
The Cobra trooper sneered. “To make you look bad,” he said, whipping out his sidearm and shooting himself in the head.
“Jesus…” Blowtorch muttered, crossing himself and backing away, letting the man’s corpse fall to the floor.
Ice Cream Soldier was rattled, but befitting his name, he didn’t show it. “Well, now we know they aren’t planning to be taken prisoner…”
“Damn waste,” Blowtorch said, shaking his head. “All right. The two of ye on my flank. Ice Cream Soldier, watch our backs. We can still get through this, we just have te be careful.”
There was a soft sound, one that went unnoticed amid the clamor of battle and the crackle of flames. None of them noticed it.
“I know its nerve-racking to know that they’ve been here for so long,” Blowtorch said, Charboil and Ice Cream Soldier both yelping as the crossbow bolt pierced through Blowtorch’s helmet and erupted from behind his eye. “But we have to… keep going… and… protect…” Blowtorch, not even realizing what happened, went limp, his flamethrower dropping from his hand as he died, falling to the ground.
“Back to back!” Charbroil ordered. “Back to back!” Charbroil and Ice Cream Soldier did just that, going back to back, spraying flames in every direction to try and catch whatever was shooting at them. The two Joes were in a room with four entry points, and each one could be a place for the shooter to take them out. “We’ve got this, kid! We just have to-”
A crossbow bolt struck Charbroil in the throat. With a choking gurgle, blood filling his helmet, he went down, dead in seconds.
Ice Cream Soldier was starting to panic. But he kept outwardly, determined not to show weakness to his opponent, whomever it was. He aimed his flamethrower down one hallway, and his napalm launcher down another. “You’ll find I’m not as easy to kill!” he called out.
“Oh, but that’s the beauty of it,” said a voice, one that echoed throughout the room. Ice Cream Soldier turned frantically, trying to find the source, his legendary calm starting to leave him as the voice circled around him. “You Joes are so very, very easy to kill. We’ve had you infiltrated for ages now. Always waiting, willingly fighting against our brothers and sisters while pretending to believe in your cause. All waiting for the right moment to strike. The right moment to take you down once and for all.”
Ice Cream Soldier blasted flames around the room. “WHERE ARE YOU!?” he called out.
“Where death always is, little fireball… right at your baAAACCK!!” the voice yelped. Ice Cream Soldier whirled, seeing T’Gin-Zu tackling someone that was fading back into existence to the ground. It took the flame trooper a moment to realize it was Zandar that the ninja was beating the shit out of.
“Stand aside,” Ice Cream Soldier growled. “I’ll cook this bastard.”
T’Gin-Zu glanced back, a costly mistake that allowed Zandar to punch the ninja in the groin and shove him off of him, quickly running away and disappearing again.
“Damn it… Master Snake-Eyes will have my head,” T’Gin-Zu said, groaning slightly from the low blow.
“Sorry,” Ice Cream Soldier said, visibly shaking as he lowered his flamethrower. “I just…”
“You lost comrades,” T’Gin-Zu said, wincing in pain from the crotch blow as he stood up. “It’s understandable. We will avenge them all, I promise you.”
Ice Cream Soldier nodded. “Where the hell are the rest of you ninjas? I thought you’d be cleaning up by now,” he asked.
T’Gin-Zu, mentally willing the pain away, shook his head. “I am the only one active, and even then its only by sheer chance because I was on KP duty. The rest, save for Scarlett, were hit with sleeping gas.”
“Damn it,” Ice Cream Soldier said.
“Fear not,” T’Gin-Zu said. “We are making progress in eliminating the Cobras. And I will hunt down Zandar.” The ninja ran down the hall, quickly vanishing into the flames.
Ice Cream Soldier just nodded, looking down at the corpses of the two veterans, each one a mentor to him when he first joined the unit. They’d shown him the ropes of being a flamethrower trooper, protected him in battle… hell, they’d even showed him how to barbecue.
He closed his eyes. It was the first time since becoming a soldier that he’d lost comrades in battle. It was not a good feeling. He hated feeling like a failure, like he’d failed his teachers and unit brothers. Taking a breath to calm himself, he quickly checked his weapons, and advanced. “Time to do something constructive with the way I’m feeling,” he muttered, planning to cook every Cobra he found.
The initial yell was just to get the B.A.T.s attention, and it worked. Rock n’ Roll, Mutt, and Roadblock quickly ducked behind cover, taking potshots at the B.A.T.s as they advanced. There were archers and unicorn guardsmen there as well, most of them too afraid to move. Pegasus guards were flitting back and forth, trying to fire on the advancing army of automatons, but quickly finding themselves stymied.
“Take shots at the Inferno B.A.T.s! The red ones!” Mutt called out. They’ll explode if damaged enough, and damage the others!”
“The panel on their chests is their main core!” Rock n’ Roll added. “Take that out and they go down!”
Roadblock took the time to provide them with an example, finding a place to set up his machine gun and firing it. Several of the wicked machines were damaged badly by the gunfire, the Inferno B.A.T that took a hit bursting into flame and exploding, the heat slagging some of the nearest B.A.T.s. Feeling a bit more confident, the guards started to fire again. Their bows were doing little damage to the advancing machines, but now that they knew what to aim for, they were starting to get more hits in.
Still, the wave of metal warriors seemed endless. And there were still many B.A.T.s left to go.
From the battlements, cannonfire rained down on the B.A.T.s, the more intact ones salvaging parts from their dead neighbors and using those to fix themselves.
“They can self-repair?!” Queen Celestia said, horrified.
“Unfortunately,” Duke said, taking shots with his sidearm. “It’s a newer feature, and its mainly used for the mark 1s, who are meant to be cannon fodder.”
A pegasus guard went down, shot five times by the advancing B.A.T.s. “For cannon fodder, these machines are doing quite well in killing our ponies!” Queen Luna said, powering up and firing a massive blast of energy down at the B.A.T.s from her horn. Moments later, Tempest Shadow had to pull her out of the way as a barrage of bullets and rockets were sent her way, just barely missing her.
“Madness…” Queen Celestia said, tears streaming down her face at every death. “This is madness.”
“It’s Cobra, your Majesty,” Lady Jaye said sadly. “They made these monsters, designed them to do nothing but kill.”
Duke glanced over to Beach Head, who was sniping B.A.T.s with his rifle. “Any sign of leadership?” he asked.
“No sir,” Beach Head said. “No Overkill Minors anywhere.”
Duke nodded, relieved. “Good. Then its just a charge and blast unit.”
“Higher intelligence robots based on the cyborg that generally commands the B.A.T.s in battle. This unit is meant just to dump and destroy, giving Cobra a chance to clear out,” Duke explained.
“Leadership or not, they are monsters!” Queen Celestia said, catching the body of another pegasus that was shot out of the airs.
“Canterlot hasn’t seen battle like this since…” Queen Luna shook her head. “Canterlot’s NEVER seen battle like this!”
“We’ll stop them,” Duke promised. “We just need to keep fighting!”
As they talked, though, a quintet of A.N.B.A.T.s charged through, heading for the castle. The spider-like androids shrieked in their disquieting voices, Roadblock, Rock n’ Roll, and Mutt firing desperately to keep them from reaching the castle. They managed to take out two of them, but three made it through, heading into the castle proper. Junkyard ran after them, barking angrily, Mutt calling desperately for his dog to return, forced to duck back down as gunfire hit near his head.
Snake-Eyes shivered in fear as he heard Storm Shadow’s voice coming from the A.N.B.A.T.s, drawing his katana and reloading his Uzi, performing mental exercises to try and calm himself down. Pinkie and Rarity stood behind him, shivering as the creatures scuttled forward, extending their electrowhips. They slowly, deliberately stalked towards Snake-Eyes, as if they could sense the fear in his heart.
And fear was indeed gripping the ninja master’s heart. Fear, and nightmarish memories of Storm Shadow begging for his life, the sound of lightning crackling in his ears as he was electrocuted over and over. His heart was thumping so hard that Rarity and Pinkie could hear it, his hands shaking around his weapons.
So intent was everyone on staring at their opponents that none of them noticed Junkyard literally run up the body of one of the A.N.B.A.T.s and sink his teeth into the android’s neck. The android shrieked, his voice degrading to an electronic warble as it shook back and forth, Junkyard’s powerful rottweiler jaws holding in, the android’s throat being ripped out from the sheer strength of the dog’s bite. This resistance didn’t last long, as one of the other A.N.B.A.T.s wrapped a tentacle around Junkyard and pulled him away, electrocuting the dog.
The sound of Junkyard yelping in pain spurred something within Snake-Eyes. His vision became engulfed in red, the words NEVER AGAIN flashing through his mind over and over. His body moved without his mind, leaping up and slashing apart the tentacles in a blur of motion. He then kicked over the A.N.B.A.T. that had been hurting Junkyard and emptied an entire clip into the robot’s skull, spewing oil everywhere.
Rarity quickly levitated Junkyard out of the way, stroking the charred, but thankfully still alive canine’s head as she surrounded them both in a forcefield. Both she and Pinkie Pie watched, amazed, as Snake-Eyes seemingly came alive, showing none of the fear he had before, hacking off the hands of another A.N.B.A.T. and starting to chop it into bite-sized chunks. As he did, though, the third A.N.B.A.T. came up behind him, lashing
Pinkie Pie, reacting on pure instinct, pulled out her party cannon from nowhere and fired it, streamers wrapping around the A.N.B.A.T. and pinning its and claws coils to its chest, a large amount of uncooked cake batter and two lit candles slapping into the face of the android.
Snake-Eyes barely registered the sudden aid from Pinkie Pie. He whirled, paused only briefly when he saw the immobilized A.N.B.A.T., and used both uzi and katana to tear the last one apart. It was only after he was certain that the androids were dead that he let himself feel afraid again, collapsing to his hands and knees.
“That was magnificent, darling!” Rarity said, dropping her forcefield. Junkyard, limping a little, went over to lick Snake-Eyes’ masked face. Snake-Eyes petted the rottweiler.
“Thank you for keeping him safe,” Snake-Eyes signed.
Rarity smiled. “I had to,” she said. “Junkyard is a very good boy, and Fluttershy would never forgive me if I let an animal get hurt.”
Snake-Eyes just nodded, turning to Pinkie Pie next. “Thank you for the assist,” he signed, Rarity translating for him. “But where did you get the cannon?”
Pinkie Pie leaned on the cannon casually. “I always have a party cannon stored away for an emergency! I wish I’d had time to bake the cake first, though…” she said, shrugging.
Snake-Eyes blinked. Rarity shook her head. “It’s best not to think about it, darling. Pinkie is… well, she’s Pinkie. And she works by her own rules.”
Snake-Eyes just shook his head. The trauma those damn robots brought him was still there, but he knew he could force himself to fight them now. He just hoped that no more got in. “Let’s move to a more secure place,” he signed. “Any ideas?”
“I think so,” Rarity said. “Follow me!” She let Pinkie, Junkyard, and Snake-Eyes along, a few servants who had been hiding with them following along also. They just hoped the battle would end soon.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ The Pit… Human world… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Zandar cursed as he watched the battle from the shadows. They’d managed to take out a few of the Joes, but the losses for the Cobra forces were mounting up. Fortunately, he had evaded T’Gin-Zu for now, but he was running out of time. Cobra Commander had given him two specific assignments for when the invasion started. One he’d already done, gas the ninjas. The next…
He checked the office and, of course, General Hawk wasn’t there. The leader and heart of G.I. Joe was a front-line general, so he would be out and about, fighting alongside his troops and giving orders from there.
He eventually found him in a fortified area, just outside the Motor Pool. Cold Front, Tracker, and Blast-Off lay around him, dead from bullet wounds, and the general’s face was furious, his assault rifle blazing as he fired on the remaining Cobra forces, screaming into a comm.
“Everyone still alive start converging! Take prisoners if you can! Disarm them first, as they’re committing suicide if they think they’re gonna be caught! Push them back! And for the absolute last goddamn time, WHERE THE HELL ARE MY NINJAS!?”
“They aren’t coming, General,” said Zandar, still invisible. “I gassed them all, put them to sleep.”
General Hawk looked around, aiming his assault rifle. “Who… Zandar! I know that voice!” he snarled. “Show yourself!”
“You’ve lost, General Hawk. We know the location of every one of your hidden bases. We know the limits of all your equipment. Your people in Equestria? They’ll be dead soon,” Zandar teased. “And you’ll be dead too.”
“It’ll take a lot more than one scum-sucking coward like you to stop me, Zandar!” General Hawk snarled. “Joes die hard!”
“Really?” Zandar said, fading into view, crossbow aimed directly at General Hawk’s neck. “I’ve found it rather easy to kill you today.” He fired, the bolt striking Hawk right in the neck.
And then Hawk began to laugh. “What the…” Zandar said, confused as to why Hawk wasn’t dying.
“So… remember when Cobra was experimenting with animal-enhanced soldiers? They managed to capture me and infuse me with their formula, turning me into… I think they called me Venomous Maximus. Remember that?” Hawk said, almost casually.
Zandar did remember. And he was starting to realize something. “Oh… Oh shit…” he said. He started to turn invisible, but General Hawk’s hand shot out, catching him by the throat. With a visible wince and a grunt of pain, Hawk yanked the bolt out of his neck. There was a trace of blood flow, and the wound healed almost immediately.
Hawk smirked. “Turns out the formula had some… lasting effects,” he said, idly twirling the bloody crossbow bolt between his fingers.
“Oh fuck me,” Zandar choked. Hawk threw him down the hall, Zandar flying as if he weighed no more than a three inch tall plastic action figure. He looked up, seeing Hawk charging towards him, moving at speeds he thought only ninjas could match. He tried to get up, but Hawk caught up to him and kicked him in the stomach like a soccer ball, Zandar bouncing and skidding until he hit a far wall.
T’Gin-Zu, having finally caught up with Zandar, backed away as the Dreadnok tried to recover, only for Hawk to reach him again and slam him into the wall again and again, until Zandar’s body was wedged into the wall and stuck there.
Hawk wiped the sweat from his brow, shaking his head. “Biotech enhancements, son,” Hawk said, spitting on Zandar’s unconscious body. “Be sure to thank Mindbender for giving them to me.” He turned, seeing a visibly impressed T’Gin-Zu watching him. The ninja snapped to attention when he noticed, saluting.
“At ease,” Hawk said. “You got a cable or anything on you? I need to tie this little shit up.”
“Of course,” T’Gin-Zu said. “Master Snake-Eyes insists we have rope, cable, and wire on us at all times for… various reasons.” He reached into his belt, unlatched a hidden pocket, and pulled out a long rope from around his waist.
“Good man,” Hawk said. “What he said about the ninjas true?”
T’Gin-Zu nodded. “Yes sir,” he said. “I was in KP, fortunately, so I was not in the dojo when it was locked down and gassed.”
“Wake them up,” Hawk said. “You did good in chasing after him.”
“Not good enough, sir,” T’Gin-Zu said sadly. “He evaded me with those new invisibility powers of his. Killed off at least Charbroil and Blowtorch before I caught up with him again.”
Hawk cursed, and kicked the unconscious Dreadnok in frustration. “He’s stopped now,” he said. “We’ll make sure he’s prosecuted. Go. Get the rest of the clan awake again. We’re routing them but we’re still taking hits from the few that are left.”
T’Gin-Zu nodded, bowing and running off. “Yes sir,” he said as he left.
Hawk just shook his head, praying the Equestria team was all right.
“They’re dying out there,” Queen Celestia said as more of her guards were shot down by the advancing B.A.T.s. Roadblock, Mutt, and Rock n’ Roll ran out of ammo and were forced to retreat, the heavy armored B.A.A.T.s starting to move to protect their fellows, blocking arrow shots and tanking magical blasts.
Lady Jaye had switched over to a bow, as had Beach Head. It was a little awkward grip for them, as the bows had been designed for ponies rather than humans, but they were close enough to human design for them to use them.
That wasn’t the main concern, however. Queen Celestia was starting to panic, her body radiating intense heat. Queen Luna, concerned for her sibling, was radiating cold to counteract it, but it was starting to become too intense. The cannons were starting to melt, and the gathered ponies on the battlements were having to back away from her.
“This has to stop…” Queen Celestia said, her eyes turning a deep, fiery orange-red with gold irises, her mane and tail starting to flicker between an aura of fire and their usual aurora.
One of the B.A.A.T.s actually caught a cannonball shot at it, and flung it back with tremendous force, shattering the firing stand and killing the operators.
“Queen Celestia, please calm down…” Twilight said, throwing up a force field to protect everyone from the growing heat. She was frightened, not just of the B.A.T.s, but of what was happening to one of her mentors.
And more and more the B.A.T.s advanced, some breaking away to start targeting civilians, heading into the city. Screams from the servants inside the castle were starting to reach them.
“We’re doing everything we can, your Majesty,” Duke said, Sunset pulling him back behind a forcefield of her own when Celestia’s anger flared.
“IT IS NOT ENOUGH!” Queen Celestia roared, a column of flame engulfing her, Luna, Twilight, and Starlight doing their best to keep the inferno contained. Luna was putting out tremendous amounts of cold just to keep the stone from melting around Celestia as her regalia quickly liquified. Roaring, furious, Celestia took to the sky with a flap of her wings, the sun’s light growing so intense that it looked like it was radiating an aura of flame. “I WILL PURGE THESE MACHINES FROM OUR HOME! FOREVER!!”
Eyes blazing red, tail and mane an inferno, Celestia launched herself down into the army of B.A.T.s. Many of them were slagged just by being near her, bullets melting before coming into contact with her. Celestia, infuriated, swung her horn like a sword, great arcs of fire engulfing the B.A.T.s. Sensing danger, the B.A.T.s that had made it into the castle and started to head into the city making their way back to fight Celestia. All that did was make it easy for the furious, rampaging alicorn Queen to destroy them all.
And destroy them was almost too light a word for it. She stomped on or gored with her horn any robot in her vicinity, her flames reducing what was left to metal slag. Trees burned to ash around her as she reduced the invading force to a pile of molten metal. Once the B.A.T.s were all destroyed, Celestia roared in fury. “COBRA!!! FACE ME!!!”
Before she could do anything else, though, a massive, heavy downpour rained down on her, shocking her enough to drop her fiery form, the sun going back to normal brightness as it disappeared behind the clouds. She sputtered, her eyes, tail, and mane back to normal as she looked up at her sister, a worried, frightened Luna having hastily brought up the storm to try and calm her down.
And now that she was calm, Celestia could finally look around and see just what it was she had done. Metal and stone slag surrounded her, and the remains of what had once been a beautiful garden of rare flowers was slowly settling around her, everything reduced to ash and slag. Soldiers stared at her in a mix of awe and utter terror.
“I… oh dear…” Celestia said nervously. “I did this, didn’t I?”
Luna nodded slowly, landing near her. “Are you all right, sister?” she asked.
Celestia shook her head. “No…” she said, feeling more than a little dizzy. “No, I’m not… I… I’ve never been that ANGRY before… It felt as if there was something inside me, clawing at my heart…”
“...Questionable methods aside,” Duke said, coming out to join the two sisters, “it worked. You stopped the B.A.T.s from doing any more damage.”
Celestia frowned. “...You’re frightened,” she said, looking into Duke’s eyes.
“...Yes,” Duke said. He couldn’t deny it. Seeing that much power being thrown around by a single being, it was terrifying. “You just displayed a frightening amount of power. But that won’t affect our alliance, I assure you.”
Celestia smiled weakly. “Yes… Well, I suppose we should get to work on investigating this, shall we? I am sorry I could not preserve anything intact for you…”
Duke just nodded. “We’ll worry about that later,” he said. “Let’s just- Wait, Mainframe?”
The little technician looked very scared. “Your Majesties. Twilight said that Canterlot was held up by heavy magical reinforcement, yes?”
“That is true,” Queen Luna said, “yes. What of it?”
Mainframe fidgeted. “I just… I just have a really sick feeling that we need to get down there now.”
Luna and Celestia traded worried looks. “All right,” Luna said. “We’ll escort you.”
Minutes later, Twilight, Sunset, the Queens, and the Joes (minus Mutt, who had insisted on the castle vet doing a quick examination of Junkyard after he heard about the A.N.B.A.T. electrocuting him) were all deep down underneath the city, standing before a set of massive pillars, all curving to hold up the city on the mountain, each one impossibly thick, looking almost as dense as steel.
Each one wrapped top to bottom in explosives.
“Oh my god…” Lifeline said, horrified.
“What… What IS all this!?” Sunset asked.
Beach Head cautiously approached one of the bombs. “...Firefly’s work,” he said. “And he must have been down here a while.”
“Who is this ‘Firefly!?’” Queen Luna demanded.
“One of Cobra’s mercenaries,” Lady Jaye said. “One of the most efficient demolition men on the planet.” She shook her head. “This is so damn strange. Why to all of this trouble just when we show up…” A thought occurred to her, and she trailed off, thinking about what she just said.
“Is he a wizard!? Because he’d have to be to sneak past the guards and place all this without them noticing!” Queen Luna said furiously.
“...Unless they were compromised,” Spirit said, frowning.
“WHAT?!” the Queens shouted, visibly horrified. Twilight and Sunset looked shaken as well.
“It makes sense,” Lady Jaye said. “I don’t like it, but it makes sense. No one’s perfect, your Majesties. They might have been paid to look the other way, not told specifically what Firefly was bringing in. And if they’ve been here for as long as Cobra’s said…”
“I’m going mad…” Queen Celestia said, falling to her knees. “The entire world is going mad…”
“They took a vow!” Twilight shouted. “The guards took vows to serve and obey! They wouldn’t betray that!”
“All that lives is susceptible to temptation,” Spirit said philosophically. “What tempts them most…” He shook his head. “It varies from person to person.”
Beach Head looked over one of the bombs. “I’ve had SOME EOD training. I can give this a go, if’n y’all can congure up some armor for me…”
“NO! Wait!” Twilight said, pulling Beach Head back. Her horn glowed, and all of the bombs suddenly had glowing runes emerge from them. “There’s some spellwork in these. We don’t know what will happen if they’re tampered with!”
Beach Head scowled. “Then gawddangit, what are we supposed to do?! We’ve got a countdown on here!”
“What?!” the Queens said. Beach Head gestured, and indeed, there was a countdown on each of the bombs, with a five hour timer on each.
“This is madness…” Queen Celestia said again.
Duke was thinking quickly. “...Princess Twilight. Can you fetch the communications journal? I need to get in contact with the base.”
Twilight blinked. “Huh? Oh, s-sure!” She vanished, and then reappeared moments later, carrying the journal and giving it over to Duke. He quickly began writing.
“Sir. We have a problem. Zartan was killed by Cobra Commander via the communicator in his head exploding, so we didn’t get anything out of him. On top of that there was a B.A.T. invasion that we just barely managed to fend off with the help of Queen Celestia, and now we’re down here in the support pillars holding the entire city up. And they’re covered in bombs infused with magic. Can you put Tripwire or one of the other EOD guys on the phone? There’s an absurd amount of explosives here and we’re at a loss.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ The Pit… Hawk’s office... Human world… /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“Report,” Hawk said.
“All but three of the Cobra infiltrators are dead, one of the living ones being Zandar,” Scarlett said, having reunited with General Hawk after battle’s end. “Confirmed casualties so far are Blast-Off, Tracker, Cold Front, Blowtorch, Charbroil, Long Arm, Rapid Fire, Freestyle, Effects, Gears, Skystriker, and all six members of the Sky Patrol,” the red-headed intelligence officer said, silently vowing to avenge each fallen comrade. “The ninjas are fine. They are also humiliated and very, very pissed.”
“I can imagine,” Hawk said, sitting down and pouring himself some brandy. He needed a drink after all of this. “What about our greenshirts?”
Scarlett grimaced. “Total loss, sir. Every one of our recruits is dead.”
Hawk cursed. Loudly. He slammed his fist on his desk in frustration, and poured a glass of brandy for Scarlett as well. She gladly accepted it, because quite frankly this whole situation called for a drink. “We’re combing over every vehicle in the motor pool and the airfield, as well as all of our equipment, to make sure there’s no further sabotage…”
The communication journal from the Equestrians began to buzz, glowing with the emergency light. “...And we’re about to hear from the Equestrian team right now,” Scarlett said as Hawk picked up the book and read it.
Hawk scanned what Duke wrote, and scowled. “Find Tripwire and any of our other EOD specialists. Get them in here now,” he ordered. Scarlett nodded and ran off, coming back a few minutes later with Tripwire, Tunnel Rat, and Lightfoot in tow.
“I would have gotten Wreckage too, but he’s in intensive care,” Scarlett said. “Thankfully, none of the medics were hurt…”
“Small favors,” Hawk said, briefly updating the three explosive ordnance experts on what was going on.
Tripwire looked thoughtful, and held out his hand for the journal. Hawk handed it over… and almost immediately, Tripwire dropped it. He reached down for it, only to bonk his head on the desk. “Oww…” he groaned.
“Maybe you better let someone else hold it,” Lightfoot said, smiling patiently.
“Before you rip the thing in half,” Tunnel Rat muttered, picking up the journal and the pen used to write in it. “You looked like you had something to say, though, so I’ll write it for you.”
Tripwire nodded. “Yeah,” he said, rubbing his head, wishing he’d thought to wear his helmet. He was ridiculously clumsy with everything EXCEPT explosives, the veteran Joe well aware of his limits. “Ask them to try and draw the bomb, so we can get an idea of what we’re working with. Also, ask about the runes on the bomb, what each function is.”
Tunnel Rat nodded, and wrote down the question, letting them know who was there.
“You trust these men to handle explosives?” Queen Luna asked.
“Tripwire, Tunnel Rat, and Lightfoot are some of our best bomb disposers,” Duke said. “If they were in the room with me and an armed pack of semtex? I could relax knowing they could disarm it.”
“We’ll take your word for it,” Queen Celestia said, nervously watching as Twilight explained the function of each rune, drawing them along with a very detailed sketch of the bomb itself.
Tunnel Rat whistled softly. “Ah damn… That’s a Firefly Special all right,” he said.
“More than one from the sound of it,” Lightfoot said, stroking his chin.
Tripwire looked over Twilight’s explanation of the runes. “Anti-tamper, touch trigger…” he shook his head. “We can’t do anything until we get rid of those. If they do what Princess Twilight described, then we’re helpless until we do.”
Lightfoot nodded in agreement. “We can run them through disarming the bombs, but with those anti-tamper spells in place… is a sentence I’d never thought I’d say outside of a D&D session…”
Tunnel Rat finished the thought. “We can’t do shit unless the spell crap is cleaned off,” he said, writing down what they said.
Twilight and Sunset looked at each other, then at the runes. “...We can do it, but it’ll take time,” Sunset wrote. “At least twenty minutes to clear out each rune.”
Surprising Tunnel Rat, Tripwire grabbed the journal out of his hands and wrote in it. “What’s the countdown on the bombs?” he asked. When he received the answer, he then asked, “How many bombs are there?”
The answer left everyone in Hawk’s office stunned.
“Jesus H. Fuck…” Tunnel Rat muttered, crossing himself.
“No time…” Lightfoot said, a horrified look on his face. “There’s no time…”
Tripwire stared at the journal for the longest time, considering what to do, what options there might be. Seeing only one, he shook his head and reluctantly wrote down his advice.