Not❤Lonely
"Cadance? May I speak with you?"
Cadance quickly swallowed the chip she had been eating and scrambled to make herself presentable before even considering opening the door. She brushed her bag of chips aside, almost turning around to save the half-full bag when she heard it fall into the small trash can she kept near her desk. Instead, she bit her lip and resisted, reminding herself that some losses were unavoidable, as tragic as they may be. Besides, her ponytail — the best go-to casual manestyle — could use some TLC. The blue bow keeping the sloppy 'do in place was about ready to quit on her curls, which had become far too long for the foalish but favored style.
Finally, she flipped the bridal catalog she had been browsing closed. Her wedding plans would have to wait — it sounded like a friend needed help, if she wasn't mistaking the speaker's identity. Unfortunately, this also meant that another loss would be in order: the phonograph softly playing the music she found so relaxing would need to go silent. Gulping bravely, Cadance lit her horn and listened to the echoes of industrial rock fade from the poorly named 'study' she had been relaxing in. With that done, she finally opened the door to see a guest who was always unexpected standing in the shadowy hallway of her fiancé's house.
"What in Equestria was that harsh melody?" Princess Luna asked. "It sounded like manticores dueling in a pottery shop."
"...Have you ever actually heard that before?"
Princess Luna only nodded in response.
"Ah. Neato." When it came to the true Alicorns — such as her goddess aunt, and her younger sister, Cadance never knew the response to her questions. There were far too many possible experiences, and it seemed like Celestia and Luna had them all. "Did you come to talk about something other than music?"
"That was music?"
"Err, yes," Cadance said, looking at her fellow princess — and friend.
She noted that were clear traces of worry visible in her friend's eyes. As distant and mysterious as Luna was, she was still Cadance's friend who looked quite troubled if she was reaching out to anypony like this — and especially to her of all ponies. What would her friend — a goddess — need help with that somepony with drastically less experience could give? Why was the tilt of Luna's head and position of her ears so hesitant and uncertain? Even Luna's usual fluid, unearthly grace was oddly frozen, save for the movement of her mane and tail.
Luna nodded quietly after a minute of awkward silence and stared past Cadance, who quickly dropped her gaze so it was no longer so direct.
"Did Shiny let you in?" Cadance asked though the answer was quite obvious — and was confirmed by another silent nod. Luna's tail swirled with a quiet, evasive gesture. Over time, Cadance had become able to gauge some of the emotions that the hair of the divine displayed, and she mentally filed the sign away.
Cadance offered a friendly smile in hopes of seeing her friend look less gloomy — it didn't work. However, she caught something in Luna's eyes that looked like a silent 'thank you' even if Cadance wasn't sure what it was for.
"Why don't you come in and have a seat? We can talk about whatever you want."
She watched Luna settle down on the small couch that Cadance always took care of to keep clean. Most of the room was uncluttered, except for the coffee table that sat in front of the couch. She didn't even make her own coffee — she was far too fond of the stuff sold in pricey Canterlot establishments — but there were a few horror novels she had been reading earlier laid out among the stray magazines. The post Hearts and Hooves Day stagnation, along with the constant aid of coffee, gave Cadance plenty of time to read them between wedding planning and unsuccessful attempts at forgoing her stress-eating in anticipation of such a big event. There was a legion of styles wedding dresses came in. How was she supposed to chose only one?
A wholly evil part of Cadance's mind reminded her that tubs of mint chocolate chip ice cream wouldn't look horrible alongside the unfortunate loss that was the bag of chips. She ignored it and was welcomed by the distraction of Luna spotting the star chart that Shining Armor had framed on the wall. Cadance honestly wasn't even sure why he had it, but it looked nice.
"So, what happened?" Cadance asked when it became clear that Luna wasn't going to be the first to speak.
"Love," Luna said sourly.
Cadance was almost glad that her chips were no more — had she been eating one now, she would have choked. Second to Luna's remark was Cadance's worry that her family, Equestria, and the gods unseen would look unfavorably upon her. She was the first pony to become a lesser alicorn since... well, forever, and what would the divine think of her, having died by choking on her last meal? Which was chips, too! In her defense, they were ketchup chips and she couldn't refuse her favorite, even if it could lead to her eventual death.
But Luna's answer? Love? Luna and love? To Cadance, it didn't make any sense for Luna to fall in love — she knew that as mysterious and poetic as her friend was, Luna was less romantic than sewage.
Cadance didn't even know how sewage could be romantic. Ever.
It was sewage.
Sewage.
Yet, that would still make more sense than the idea of Luna falling in love, if their past discussions had been anything to go by. She knew how much Luna prized solitude. They may have been friends and princesses, but they still didn't see one another that often. Cadance knew that unlike others, Luna was generally... happy to be alone or throw herself into hobbies, rather than somepony's forehooves.
She almost snorted at the thought before repeating her question.
"A suitor, Cady. I had a suitor, and a very delusional one too."
"So the problem is...?"
The disgust Luna put in her last statement vanished. "Tia was awfully upset with me for, as she put it — 'my unnecessarily straightforward behavior' that hurt this mare's feelings."
"Hmm... Now I know you aren't the type for any kind of romance, but would you have acted the same if this pony had been a stallion? And just what did you do?"
Luna didn't hesitate to offer a reply. "To your first question, absolutely. I do not think that it would not change who the pony is, merely alter their exterior. To your second question: I tried to tell them I lacked any interest, but they persisted in trying to tell me just what I needed and how perfect I was — so I told her the truth."
Cadance lit her horn and began to fidget with her bow again. "Okay... this only gives me more things to ask. I know that being super private is your thing, but could I pry a bit so I can figure out how I can help you out?"
Cadance waited for Luna to reply, watching her tap a hoof to her chin in thought.
"Very well then. Ask away, Cady, and I shall answer your inquiries one by one, to the best of my ability."
Cadance smiled again, but just like the last time, her smile was only met with Luna's cool, reserved gaze.
"First, what exactly was wrong with this mare?"
Luna only offered a slow blink at first. "There was not a thing 'wrong' with her other than me not desiring to pursue any kind of relationship with her that was particularly close or romantic in nature. I appreciate any help she had once given me — more than she might ever know — but I do not wish for us to grow close or hostile with one another. Is that really so wrong, to desire a distant acquaintance instead of a forced and fake friendship?"
Shaking her head in a clear sign of 'no' to the last question, Cadance mulled over what she was just told. So they know one another?
"It's not wrong to turn ponies down, Luna. Things like this happen all the time; the important thing is that you don't let the world end because of it, you know?"
Luna's mouth twitched slightly. If Cadance didn't know better, she would say that Luna looked bored. Eventually, her friend just held up one hoof and rolled her withers slightly, as if she were offering a shrug. "Your next question?"
"Who was this pony?"
"Twilight Sparkle," Luna said flatly.
Cadance stared straight at Luna, her bow magically held mid-fidget.
"What."
"I said 'Twilight Sparkle'. She is a very nice mare — but that is it, she is just nice and that is not something I like. Is there not more to romances than mere niceness anyway? There will likely be a pony for her — I told her this—- but it is not me."
"Twilight Sparkle," Cadance repeated, as if in a trance.
"Yes. Is there something I did not make clear? Does it need to be written in the stars themselves that I do not love Twilight Sparkle?"
Cadance took a deep breath that Luna took as suspenseful, the latter bracing herself for what would be said.
Cadance simply blinked. And then exhaled.
"You and Twilight Sparkle would crash and burn so bad. Just... everything about you doesn't click. Your very natures are so frustratingly opposite, and I never, ever feed ponies that toxic old mare's tale about opposites attracting. No, no, no! You two barely even like the same things—and what you two do like, you two can’t even express that in similar ways! It would just be a complete disaster! I wish I could think of a joke, but I can't. Thank you, Luna, I needed my brain to cringe today at the thought of matchmaking gone wrong."
"I am almost sorry."
"I'm more worried about her apparently — and finally — getting over her crush on Starswirl the Bearded. I wasn't even sure that was possible."
Luna snorted, flinching slightly — Cadance wasn't sure why — and once the disdainful gesture ceased, she looked Cadance in the eyes. "Is there anything else the mighty love princess desires to know, other than the blind attraction of a mare who claimed to love me and looked at me like a mere history book?"
Barely able to hold back a smile, Cadance let herself grin broadly in an effort to avoid going back to fidgeting with her bow. "Just a couple of things? Will that be a problem?"
"Not at all. What is it that you still must know?"
Resuming a more serious expression, Cadance looked over at her friend, wishing that Luna was more readable. She loved her quiet friend to pieces, but sometimes it was almost like she was trying to be so aloof. Sooner or later, Cadance was probably going to need a cipher in order to figure out everything on this mare's mind, if that were even possible.
"Just why aren't you as interested in suitors and romance as Auntie Celestia? She's had her coltfriends before—"
Luna gave another snort of disdain, effectively cutting Cadance off. This time her gesture wasn't disdainful — it was the teasing gesture of a sibling.
"Nopony can doubt that Tia loves males, regardless of species — but I am not interested in stallions as she is, nor do I have any love of mares. In fact, I daresay that mares manage to be more blatantly unappealing in a way that I haven't the words to express at this moment. With my banishment a thing of the past, I seek much more important things — all of life awaits me," Luna said, her tone suddenly wistful, "and I want to spend it living, not squandering it on something that never suited me."
Now, it was Cadance who was silent, especially when the whisper of bitterness in those final words was anything but faint to her ears. She sat in her plain chair across from Luna. The goddess' speech suddenly had her feeling a bit small, but also awed at the defiant sense of identity and passion Luna knew how to infuse into her words. Either way, she managed to keep her expression that of regal tranquility, just like Auntie Celestia taught her.
"Why did you really come here?"
It was shocking to watch Luna be the one to drop her gaze, staring at the coffee table's worn surface, as though she were ashamed of something.
"Is it wrong?" Her voice was even lower and quieter than Cadance was used to.
"Is what wrong?"
"Wanting to live instead of love?"
Holding her tongue again, Cadance almost asked Luna if she was seriously asking this question to her of all ponies. But she knew Luna was, she heard that question with her own ears. This is what Luna had really come to ask for help with.
Eventually, she smiled. "There's nothing wrong with that. Not everypony wants the love I have with Shining Armor, to raise a foal as our families did, or to be a mentor like Auntie Celestia. Sometimes, ponies are like Twilight. They won't get the answer they want, but that's okay. Love isn't easy, Luna, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting it. I guess that love is a lot like ice cream. There's plenty of different kinds of it, but not everypony likes it — and some ponies are lactose intolerant. Some have never even had it — which is depressing using this metaphor, but you get what I mean. Still, there's no way I'd hate somepony for that."
"Really?"
"Okay," Cadance sheepishly admitted, "if you don't like ice cream, there's a chance that we might not get along, but I'm not going to hate a pony for not wanting that. I don't think I've ever hated anypony in my life so far. I don't think it would be too hard to hate somepony who made the choice you did — wanting to 'live instead of love' — if they decided that meant they should be unspeakably cruel because they decided to become a monster. Just because you don't love anypony — romantically, that is — doesn't mean you get to hurt others, or that there is anything heartless about being aromantic."
"Aromantic?" Luna whispered, her throat clearly tight.
"Yeah, um, ponies that don't feel romantic attraction — that's what you are, right?"
"...No," Luna murmured, "I... I do not think so. Or, rather, I am not truly sure. 'Tis hard to think of lasting loves when nothing yet has pulled you toward those loves to begin with, and that as an Alicorn I must rule over a species so unlike myself, which gives ponies a dullness that a mortal like you would find too esoteric were I to try and explain my experience to you. Yet, I do not possess anything close to the xenophilia of my elder sister either that has had her infatuated with the males of many kinds of sapient creatures before. I... I think that there is just so much already that exists to separate me from the common compulsions that drive one to romance in the first place, or at least that is how I have always felt, knowing what I am told I am lacking for not having entirely alien experiences that the majority members of any species possess, as though there were something cold and wrong for so harmless a difference. I am already aware that I... that I have the state where I am not plagued with physical desires where fullness and intimacy should be—"
"Asexuality," Cadance said, humming.
Luna nodded, her mane shaking slightly and her forehooves folded shyly. There was an obvious bob to the way she swallowed. "Yes, that. I... I-I can't fathom why others see it as so lacking, yet modernity had the will to give this a name at last. Why must ponies have such subtle, two-faced cruelty?"
Giving the distraught goddess a kind smile, Cadance levitated a tissue box over from a different corner of the room, offering it to Luna. She even went as far as to bump her with it. Looking up, Luna gratefully accepted the box, shrouding the object in her own aura.
"Are you going to be alright?"
"I think so," Luna said, bobbing her head in a nod she only bothered to complete halfway.
Luna dabbed at her eyes to wipe away any remaining tears and traces of her eyeshadow that had become smudged. Cadance reached across the table to tap the other mare's wither lightly in order to get her attention.
"Y-yes?" Luna asked, looking up at Cadance. Her dark, wavy mane was framing her face and her sweeping forelock looked untidy, falling across her eyes more than usual. Cadance didn't dare reach out a third time to move them — it didn't even look that bad.
"Could I ask one more question? It would be purely out of curiosity since I am the one and only Princess of Love."
"A-alright," Luna mumbled, walking over to the window and nudging it open with a forehoof. Cool evening air instantly spilled into the room, weaving its way past the streets of Canterlot to flow into the room.
"If, and only if, you did love somepony as I love Shining Armor or have somepony as a suitor, who would it be? I know you might think that I have ulterior motives for asking—"
"I do not think that. Were your words to come from anypony else, I most certainly would, but never from you, my friend."
Cadance swallowed. "Alright then, who would it be?"
Luna stared at Cadance steadily, her eyes unblinking and her expression completely unreadable. "Somepony different from any I have ever known before."
Cadance wasn't able to think of a reply other than to wave as she watched Luna leap off the windowsill and fly into the dusk