Am I Really Their Friend? 2.0
"Oh, yes. You girls are sooo tight. And yet, they didn't ask you to be in the band."
"Probably afraid no one would want to see them play if she was in the group."
"Too bad. So sad."
“If it's any consolation, no one will remember you at all.”
I sat up straight in my bed, with my heart trying to make its way out of my chest. Not again, I thought as the faint glow of the moonlight shone through the window.
Those four sentences echoed through my head, haunting me throughout the night. They were nearly accurate in describing how I've been treated over the last few months.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Sunset Shimmer. I'm a unicorn turned human via a magic mirror. I've been living among humans for nearly three years now and for about two and half of those years… well, let's just say I'm not proud of myself (I'll explain those reasons shortly). With that said, here is my story.
It was two weeks after the fallout from the Fall Formal fiasco, in which I turned in a raging she-demon, when all of this began. Snips and Snails, the two knuckleheads that were my personal lackeys, and I had finished repairing the front of the CHS. The five girls that had befriended Princess Twilight visited me during their lunch period and for a little bit after school in a near futile attempt to befriend me. It was a nice try. I'd have to give them an ‘A’ for effort. The sad truth was that they were only doing it as a favor to the princess.
Let me give you an idea of how shitty of a person I was. Keep in mind that these are only a few examples of things I did. I sabotaged Applejack's bake sales on numerous occasions. I made Rainbow Dash out to be the school whore. During the most recent Spring Fling, I dumped dog shit on Rarity's head. Poor Pinkie Pie had almost every one of her parties at school ruined in some way by me. And Fluttershy? I was the biggest bitch imaginable toward her. I bullied her to tears on a daily basis for my own personal enjoyment.
Anyway, back to the main part of the story. Principal Celestia gathered all the students in the auditorium one afternoon to announce that the school was holding a musical showcase a couple of months down the road.
So Twilight's friends put together a band and named themselves ‘The Rainbooms’. I initially thought about entering the showcase as a solo act. However, due to my “outstanding” popularity, I changed my mind. I kept my guitar and singing skills to myself while I waited for Rainbow Dash and the others to invite me to join them. Of course, that didn't come until after the Battle Of The Bands.
I will give them credit, though. They put on one hell of a show in front of the school. Privately...that's another story. My “friends” routinely had sleepovers without me. If I needed somebody to vent to, they would zone out or make some snide remark and follow it up with “no offense”. They denied my MyStable friend requests and changed their phone numbers so I couldn't contact them if I needed something. That one I could understand, due to the fact that I used that to drive a wedge between the five of them.
But what really hurt was that the only one that trusted me enough to give me their new number prior to the Battle Of The Bands was Fluttershy. Fluttershy. The one person that had every reason to keep me as far away as possible was the only one willing to give their phone number. I eventually did get everyone else's number - after the Battle Of The Bands, mind you - but not before instilling the notion that I was not wanted around them.
Time seemed to fly by as the event drew nearer. During that time, I accompanied the Rainbooms to their practices with the minute chance to get an invite to join the band. My resolve slowly weakened each practice as Rarity constantly took jabs at me and Flash, then feign shock when she saw the hurt on my face.
“Sorry. I always forget you and Flash used to be an item,” she would repeatedly say.
I admit that I used him for popularity but I did have some feelings for him and being heckled about our break up on a daily basis hurt deep down inside.
I would ask myself the same question every day as I slowly walked home from school. “Is this really worth it? No one seems to care that I'm trying to make amends.”
After arriving at my rundown apartment, I would go through the same routine. My bookbag would get set on the floor next to the desk. I then draped my jacket over the desk chair before climbing into the loft and crying myself to sleep. Hours later I would wake up - my eyes still puffy from crying - sit with my back against the headboard, draw my knees up to my chest and wonder why I kept going back to the treatment I was receiving.
Soon I will reach my breaking point and I will know for sure if they truly...no, actually I won't know. I'll be dead. That thought would repeat itself in my head daily; from the time I woke up until I went to bed. The strange thing is that it sometimes brought an uneasy smile to my face.
It wasn't until the week of the Musical Showcase, or rather, The Battle Of The Bands that everything went to Hell in a handbasket.
When Adagio, Aria, and Sonata showed up, I volunteered to give them a tour of the school in order to make a good first impression. But something about them radiated trouble as the tour went on. However, due to my inexperience with friendship, I couldn't place where they sat on the trouble meter.
Shortly after the tour, I joined the rest of the girls for lunch where I voiced my concerns. Surprisingly, they listened to me for a change. It didn't take long for us to find out how much trouble they truly were after that.
About an hour later, I sent a message to Princess Celestia via a magic journal that I had brought with me to this world three years prior. The message never made it to Celestia, however. It was received by Princess Twilight, who had taken possession of the linked journal in Equestria.
The next day, the girls and I were hanging out next to the statue when Twilight came flying, literally, through the portal. I was the first to approach her and offered my hand to help her up. Her response? She looked at her friends first and then hesitantly took my hand. Some Princess of Friendship. Then, to add insult to injury, the five snobs knocked me out of the way to greet Twilight with a group hug. When they finally broke, I ended up having to listen to the information about the Sirens from a distance.
I slipped my hand into a jacket pocket and felt it brush against the pocket knife that I’ve carried with me since coming here. I wonder… I thought as caressed it subtly. Is my breaking point nearing?
I shook the thought from my head and tagged along behind the six of them as they went to Sugarcube Corner. Oh, that went even better than the interaction at the statue. Not only was I forced to sit on the arm of a couch because Rainbow decided to prop her legs up on the table, but Pinkie Pie bought drinks for everyone but me. So, since payday wasn't until next week, I had to do without.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
"We can use that magic on the Sirens, just like when we used it on Sunset Shimmer when she turned into that horrifyingly awful winged monster. Um, no offense," came from the mouth of the Friendship Princess.
“None taken,” I answered, thinking about the razor-sharp object in my jacket.
I can't believe this, I thought as I held back the tears forming in my eyes. Isn't she supposed to be an example for us to follow? She picked up on where the others left off.
“I'll join you girls in a few minutes. I've got to use the bathroom,” I said as we left the kickoff party.
Upon entering the restroom, I checked to make sure it was empty before locking myself in in the handicapped stall. I removed my jacket and hung it on the hook on the door and pulled out my knife.
Does self-harm really work? I thought as I steadied the blade above my left arm. Here goes nothing. I bit my bottom lip and pressed the blade into my skin until the blood began leaking. Using just enough pressure to keep from needing stitches I made a two-inch long cut and followed it up with a second cut beside it. I repeated the process on the other arm and then used some toilet paper to slow the bleeding and clean my knife. Shit, that hurt, but...I do feel somewhat better. Odd…
I tracked the others down to the steps in front of the school where Twilight was having a meltdown due to the rainbow laser (for lack of a better term) not appearing when they joined hands. After thinking for a few minutes, I got an idea about how the Dazzlings magic worked. While she did give me credit, the two-faced bitch took my idea and ran with it. As soon as she finished coming up with a plan to defeat the Sirens, I heard this from the high-society skank of the group:
"And I believe you, Twilight, just became the Rainbooms newest member."
You're kidding, right? What the fuck am I? Chopped liver? I thought as my eyes began watering once more. I've been joining you during your practices for months and no one wants me to join. Twilight shows up and within hours, she's made an official member of the group?
The only upside to that conversation was that got invited to my first slumber party due to Twilight needing a place to crash.
I was awakened in the middle of the night by my bladder. Not surprising considering I downed a pair of two-liter bottles of root beer earlier in the night. I was about to head back to my sleeping bag when I noticed a light in the kitchen. I got curious and decided to check it out. What I found was Twilight leaning over the kitchen island working on the counter-spell.
The two of us had a short discussion about disappointing others as I snacked on Pinkie's Reddi Whip. When I closed the refrigerator, Twilight and I got freaked out by Pinkie’s sister, Maud, who was “feeding” Triscuits to her pet rock.
Just as I was about to leave the room I heard Twilight call out to me. “Sunset Shimmer?”
I guessed that she had seen my cuts and wanted to ask me about it. But instead, she just smiled and said, “Never mind. It's not important.”
I began to feel a little better up until that last line. My gut was telling me that she was going to ask what was wrong but I since it “wasn't important”, I'll never know.
I snuck back to the bedroom and grabbed my knife then headed to the bathroom. I locked the door and wiped the tears away.
“No one cares. Not even an Equestrian princess,” I whispered. Just like I did earlier in the day, I pulled the blade across my skin to add another two-inch cut to each of my arms; bringing the total to six. And as before, I held some toilet paper until the blood slowed before returning to bed.
I put on a brave face as we gathered at Sweet Apple Acres but deep down I knew I was wasting my time. As always, I was ignored and left to my own accords, which was basically to dog-sit Spike.
After a short spat between the band members, we headed back to CHS to check in for the Battle of the Bands. They decided to play Shake Your Tail and, although they sounded good, they got into another fight thanks to Snips, Snails, Photo Finish and a couple of others.
I put my best effort into diffusing the situation but it didn't seem to work. So I quietly slipped away toward the restroom once more. However, I never made it there because of the nightmare-inducing encounter with the Dazzlings minutes later.