The difference between medicine and poison is dosage
Spike had shown Applebloom the bottle on his way off the farm with a wink, and told her they could hang out after sunset, in the usual place. Now, it’d probably look to the other Crusaders like they were sneaking off to go and make out. In truth, it wasn’t anything nearly so innocent.
Life hadn’t been easy, as of late, and two things always made it easier. A sarcastic lizard, and a strong drink. Put ‘em both together, and you had one heck of an evening.
Only problem was, Applejack didn’t want Applebloom alone with either.
Her sister was rolling dough out in the kitchen when she made her way out. You couldn’t sneak out with Applejack, she’d sniff it out immediately. Her sis was pretty cool like that, honestly, when she was doing it to other ponies.
She wasn’t as good as figuring out lies as she thought, though.
“You’re going out with Scoots at this hour? That’s mighty irregular.” Applejack remarked.
“Sometimes you just pick up stakes and walk halfway ‘cross the world cause some map told you to” Applebloom pointed out, raising her eyebrow as if Applejack was the weird one, just like Spike taught her, “but it’s weird when I wanna go out past sunset?”
Applejack stared at her, mouth just a little slack, as if Applebloom had just coughed up a bunch of balls and started juggling them. “Ah... well, fair enough then. Just don’t get home too late, alright?”
Applebloom nodded, smiling sweetly. “Sure thing, sis.”
Applejack gave her a weird look when she went out, but’d just chalk it up to teenagers being weird. She always did.
Tonight, just for tonight, she wanted to run away from everything.
She made her way to the old treehouse in the orchard, where the CMC always used to meet, where Spike’d be waiting for her. It was a bit out of the way, in the orchards, but that’s how they always liked it. Meant ponies would have to go looking for you if you were there, so it was a hideout by default.
The place had seen better days. The paint was starting to peel, and below it the wood was warping from weathering, wind and water alike. Scores from dust and stones, weird shapes as the wood soaked up moisture and buckled. The neat, cottage-like box now had twists and whirls, patches and splotches. It was the kind of place nobody thought to look, now, because why would anypony go in there after dark?
Sweetie and Scootaloo didn’t really come around here as much anymore, either. Wasn’t much point in fixing her up.
As she climbed up, she heard Spike already in there, scratching something into the wall with a claw.
“Hey, you came,” he smiled as she stepped in. She looked at what he was carving into the wood; Nothing is written in stone. She wondered what that meant. “I brought a present.” He held up a bottle of... oh, be still her beating heart. Genuine Apple family apple brandy.
“Oh, Spike, I could just kiss you right now.”
He rolled his eyes, passing her the bottle. She tried tugging at it, but it was sealed tight. “Twilight sent me out to get something for her date with Pinkie tonight, and I thought I’d get a second bottle of something stronger while I was at it.”
Spike took the bottle back off her, and Applebloom winced as he bit the cap off the bottle before passing it back to her. She didn’t know how his teeth could handle it, but she had seen him eat rocks before, so...“Wait, so does Twilight know you got this?”
“Never told her about it. Pretty sure she thinks I only got the one.” He pointed at the bottle Applebloom was nursing now against the clubhouse floor. “I’m not even sure Twilight knows what brandy is, anyway. I mean, besides it’s something dignitaries drink from fancy glasses. To Twilight, brandy is something that happens to other ponies.”
Applebloom took a swig of it and gagged. Still wasn’t used to the kick, even now.“So she’s on a date with Pinkie now, huh?” Applebloom asked. Finding out about that was the real prize of the evening, besides the hooch steal.
“Yeah, it’s weird isn’t it? Pinkie and Twilight? Never saw it coming. Innocent and oblivious.” He thought about that. “Not being mean, of course, I love ‘em both. But it’s just—”
Applebloom nodded. She got what he meant, always did. “Hard to picture ‘em together?”
“Yeah.”
Applebloom took another sip. The burning from before hid the burning now, and it was getting a little easier every time. It always did. “They’d be cute together, though, don’t you think?”
Spike was silent at that for a little bit. Just lay with his back against the wall, thinking. “Didn’t actually think about it. I thought Twilight would... I know this is going to sound really mean, right? But I thought Twilight would mess it up somehow, overthink it. And then, because she’s thinking about it, think that’s not what romance is, so she’s doing something wrong.”
Applebloom nodded, sucking the brandy off the walls of her mouth before it could burn more. “Yeah, that does sound like Twilight. And mean. You’re mean but right?”
“See, I don’t think I’m right, though. Or I wasn’t before,” Spike continued, staring up at the ceiling. It was dark, now, sun had gone down, just the two of them, and not many other places to look. “I think Twilight’s going to overthink it so hard, she’s going to realize that feely romance is dumb, and realize that Pinkie makes her happy — she’s so nice, griffons can’t understand her conceptually — and if a relationship makes Pinkie happy too, then it’d be irrational to not do it. She’s going to get a girlfriend through sheer force of reason. And it’s going to be Pinkie.”
“That... also sounds really, really Twilight.” Applebloom agreed. She’d just gotten all the alcohol out of her mouth, so she fixed that with another sip. Bottle was draining quicker than usual. Maybe it was just her sour mood.
Spike noticed it too. “Hey, pass me that, yeah?”
She dutifully, if reluctantly, passed the bottle. The night was at its darkest, now, before the moon really rose. It was a cold night, though she wasn’t feeling it yet. Spike was a furnace unto himself, too, which really helped.
He took a sip, burped slightly, and sent a little blue flame out with it. Applebloom snickered, and Spike took a little bow while sitting, leaning forward and tilting his head, swaying his hand in front like a conductor facing the roses.
He continued. “I dunno. That’s why I’m feeling weird, thought it’d be nice to hang out like this again. It’s been a while.” Too long. She needed Spike to make sense of things, some days, and it had been too many days with too little sense. He frowned a little, “What’s up with you? Usually you sip at it more. Right now you’re drinking like you’re trying to kill sobriety dead.”
“My turn to talk now, huh?” Spike raised an eyebrow at that. Applebloom grimaced. “Sorry. Just tetchy.”
“AB, you nearly started a snark war you couldn’t finish. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen your work, and you’re good for a sprint, but your endurance needs,” Spike cut himself off. “Totally not the point. Why tetchy?”
Applebloom motioned for the bottle back. Spike seemed to be having second thoughts, but he took another long draw himself and passed it back. AB nodded and took a long, burning sip before she continued.
The clubhouse used to seem so big. Huge. Like the first point in a bigger adventure. Now it was just... kind of like her room, really.
“I just been thinkin’ a lot lately, I guess.”
“Risky move.”
“Yeah.” Applebloom agreed. “It’s amazing how much stuff you take for granted. Doesn’t even bother you ‘til you think about it, and it hits you all at once.”
Spike eyed the bottle in her hooves, and immediately seemed like he was recalculating his decisions. She could see his eyes move like they did when he was doing calculus. Seemed to come up positive, though. He looked worried for her, like he sometimes did. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
She wasn’t going to go into it unless he poked. Give him the chance to veer off if he wasn’t up to dealing with her emotional baggage. She wasn’t going to say that, though, or it’d just be like forcing him into it anyway.
Nah. He knew what she was doing, knew she was giving him the option, and as long as she didn’t actually say what it was, it stayed optional.
It really was funny how things change if you look too close at them.
Spike pushed himself up off the floor, walked over to AB in the center of the clubhouse and offered a claw. She didn’t know why, but when he helped pick her back up off the floor... yeah, she was wobbly, wasn’t she. Already? He was real good at reading her.
“Come on. Let’s get a good wall to lean against.” Spike suggested, leaning against her until they propped against a side wall, under one of the clubhouse windows. If Applebloom leaned her head right back, she could see the stars.
“Yeah,” she agreed, “this is better.”
“So what you been thinking about?”
Applebloom sighed. “You know Sweetie and Scootaloo, right?”
“Only by reputation. I mean—” She thumped him in the arm for getting smart. Even with all them fancy scales, he rubbed his shoulder a bit and winced. She was proud of that. He apologized first, so she didn’t have to, “Sorry.”
She apologized too, anyway. He only deserved it a little. “They’ve been real distant lately. It’s been hard. And it’s like... they used to think I was crazy, right, trying so hard to get my cutie mark in something? Anything? Focusing so hard on the destination, never appreciatin’ the journey and all that?”
“Yeah. I remember.”
Applebloom sighed. “I realized something about all that. Like, why it was me, right? We all did that a little, Sweetie wasn’t as bad as Scoots and Scoots wasn’t as bad as me, but we all did it at least a little. So it got me to thinkin’... why was it me? Scoots was the one who took after Rainbow, and Rainbow’s got drive like nopony’s business. Youngest Wonderbolt in history or somesuch isn’t just luck. And you got Sweetie being same blood as Rares, and that mare is just drippin’ ambition out the wazoo.”
Spike didn’t say anything, but she knew he was holding back a joke about Rarity’s drippin’ wazoo. She appreciated him doing that, just like she appreciated him not even thinking to make that joke if he were in any other company. It was a weird kind of comfortable between them; knowing they could say stuff like that, knowing they didn’t have to.
She took another, smaller, sip from the bottle, leaned back against the clubhouse wall. Looked up at the stars some more. “I think it’s because I got Applejack, Spike. I think it’s because my sister’s the one that doesn’t got ambition. All she wants is the farm, and the family. But you know how scary that is? This week I woke up, and I thought...” She gulped.
Spike looked at her weirdly. Put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed a thumb into her back, just right, loosened her up a bit. Always helped her focus.
“I thought, Applejack has her way, all of us are gunna die within ten steps the place we were born, in that house.”
Spike’s hand didn’t lift, but she could feel it flinch as she said that. “... Wow.”
“Yeah, that’s the long and short of it, isn’t it? Scoots and Sweetie, no matter what they did, they had something, somewhere else to be. Ponyville’s their home, but they’re not tied down here. Apple family? Might as well be a ball and chain. You don’t even think about it like that until you think about it like that, because it’s your home.”
“You don’t notice the ball and chain,” Spike murmured, hand lifting back, “until you try tugging against it, yeah. It’s always been there, but until you pull, you don’t realize what it means. And it’s not a problem until the first time you pull...”
“Exactly!” Applebloom blurted out, “it’s not that this place isn’t nice... It’s not that I don’t love my sis, or the farm, ‘cause I do! I just... I never was given any options.”
Spike smiled miserably. “I love Twilight, I really do,” he said, “but I was born to be her assistant, did you know that? She hatched me when she was like, five or something, and I’ve been at her side pretty much since.”
“Oh. Wow. I didn’t even think about that...”
“But yeah. I get what you mean. You still love Applejack, and Big Mac, and Granny, but you don’t want to be them, right?”
Applebloom thought about it, shook her head. “I mean, Applejack puts her heart and soul into the farm. She’s so gosh darn proud of it and she really is amazing. I think she’s really happy, you know? She’s not working towards something she’ll never have, she’s working towards making the best of what she’s got. I respect that! But... I couldn’t do that.”
“Why not?” Spike asked, grabbing the bottle off her and taking a swig, passing it back. It was only half full, now, between them.
“I don’t know.” AB raked a hoof through her mane, banging the back of her head against the wall. “Why, do you want to be Twilight’s assistant your whole life?”
Spike thought about that too. His foot started tapping the floor anxiously. “Twilight is... she’s the smartest pony I’ve ever met, even at Celestia’s school. I think, and never tell her I said this, she might even be smarter than Celestia.”
Applebloom snorted, but Spike was just looking thoughtful. She realized that wasn’t a joke. “Whoa, what, really?”
“Oh, Celestia’s got all the experience behind her, sure. She’s got wisdom. But of those two, which got fooled by Chrysalis? Who sends who out to actually solve the big problems? And it’s not because Twilight’s better at magic. You ever think about that? I think Celestia knows it too.”
“That’s... still not answering my question though?” Applebloom set the bottle down between them, neutral territory. The offer was implied, but Spike didn’t take it.
“Caught me. Yeah, she’s smart. She teaches me so much, she’s been great to me. I think she really respects me, which most ponies don’t. I mean, even though I’m nearly as old as an adult pony, I still look like a baby dragon. I love her, really, but it’s... it’s the feeling of having your destiny picked out for you, isn’t it?”
Applebloom grimaced, in the brightening dark. Moon was just starting to rise higher now. “Eeyup.”
“About how you feel about your family, huh?”
“Eeyup.”
“It’s like... if I chose it for myself, I probably wouldn’t have a problem with it. Used to be Twilight would fall apart without me, heh. But I didn’t choose.”
“I wish I could be as happy with what I have with Applejack. But it’s ‘cause I seen her, ‘cause I’m coming after her, it scares the hell outta me.”
“Yeah.”
They sat for a bit, before Applebloom remembered she was just a bit drunk.
“You know Spike,” she said in that way all drunk ponies everywhere do when they’re about to say something they think is rather profound, “You really get me, you know?”
“Oh, geeze, you’ve had that much, huh?”
“No! I mean it!” Applebloom protested, and Spike nodded dutifully.
“Yeah, I know. I know because you mean it every time you get this drunk, you know that right?”
“Yeah...” Applebloom nodded, grimaced and shrugged all at once without falling over. “Feels like tradition at this point, you know?”
“Right. Well, for what it’s worth, you get me too.”
“Hehe.”
“Here it comes.” Spike rolled his eyes.
Applebloom smiled evilly, madly. “You know it’s coming.”
“Every time though, really?”
“You know who you don’t get though?”
“Please don’t say it.”
“Rarity! Ha!”
“There it is. Well, that was about what I expected. Good game, thanks for playing, I’ve been your host—” He stood up like he was gunna leave, so Applebloom pulled him back down.
“No, don’t!”
“It stops being as fun when you get this over, you know?”
Applebloom nodded, quick and fast. Still didn’t fall over. “No, I know. I just... I’ve been thinking about that so much because...”
Spike flicked an ear. He looked like he wasn’t paying attention, but Applebloom knew his tells, even when she wasn’t in the frame of mind to be looking for ‘em. “I kinda feel like that about Sweetie Belle. I guess.”
Spike raised both his eyebrows, now. That stunned him. “You guess?”
“Yeah! I guess! What of it?”
Spike snorted, hard, took another swig of the bottle until it was down to just a quarter. “What is it with that family, huh? Like, you’ve seen Hondo and Cookie, right? How did they make them?”
“Right?!” Applebloom snorted too, except the force of it made her bend double with the giggles, couldn’t stop laughing. “Like he looks like... and she’s all like...” She made outlines in the air with her hooves, silly faces, the works. Spike nodded.
“I tell you, I’ve read half the books Twilight’s got on genetics, and I still can’t make a bit of sense of it. It’s uncanny.”
“You read about genetics, huh?” Applebloom fluttered her eyelashes at Spike. “You trying to look all smart for Rarity, huh?”
Spike shook his head, no. “Nah, just so I have something to talk to Twilight about most days. She kinda forgets everyone else doesn’t know as much as she does. I usually skim the books she finishes just so she has someone to talk to about ‘em.”
“Oh. That’s pretty cool actually.”
Spike’s face turned stone-serious, voice flat and cold. “Of course it is, Applebloom. Reading is cool.”
That did it. Applebloom was on her side, giggling again. Celestia, he’d channeled Twilight hard for that one. When she managed to get back up, Spike was still smiling a little, proud of just how well he’d pulled that off. The great thing about alcohol, it made even the bad jokes the best jokes.
“So, Sweetie Belle, huh?”
Applebloom sighed. So he hadn’t forgotten, great. She propped her back up against the wall. “Can’t I just say she’s cute and be done with it?”
“Well, yeah, you could. You know I’m not pushing you into saying anything you’re uncomfortable with.” Spike tapped the floor twice with his claw, rap-tap. “You’re going to, anyway, aren’t you?”
“I didn’t get this drunk just to not.” Applebloom snorted. “But those are mighty kind words you got there. Shame to waste ‘em on me.”
“Eh.” He waved it off, not saying more than that. She snickered. He had a subtle sense of humour sometimes.
“Right. Well, she’s also... I mean, you know her, right?”
He was still smiling, like an idiot. He was getting pumped, now. “Yeah, I know her. But I don’t know why you like her.”
“Well. She’s nice. And I really like how she smells... is that weird?”
Spike made a tilting gesture with his hand, back and forth, ‘eh’. “A little, but go on.”
“Well I do. It’s like... living on the farm, right, nothing smells like that? Like you’re just used to shutting your nose off for days at a time, s’fine. Then you just go and sit next to her and it’s just like... It’s like seeing colour for the first time, you know?”
“Nah, you should really talk more about it. Promise I won’t hold it against you later.”
“Mmm...” Applebloom purred with a particularly drunken smile, “if you could hold her against me later...”
“Hey! That’s my joke.”
Applebloom stuck her tongue out and waggled it at him. He looked thoroughly unamused, which just made it funnier. “I don’t see your name on it.”
“You better not, ‘cause that’d mean you were reading my diary.”
“You,” Applebloom was incredulous, stared at Spike in a whole new light, “have a diary?”
He folded his arms across his chest, stern, and stared her right back down. “You have a crush on Sweetie Belle.”
“Oh. Yeah. So as I was saying... a diary, really?”
“You were saying.” Spike huffed, emphasizing the past-tense.
“No, no, I wanna hear this now. You keep a diary? Isn’t that like...”
“For girls and nerds?” Spike finished, as if daring her to agree with him.
“Yeah!” Applebloom agreed.
Another huff, and little blue jets from the alcohol — he had the prettiest fires when he drank — puffed from his nose. “Yeah. I write down my dreams and stuff so I don’t forget them. Little bits of poetry. What of it?”
Applebloom fell over laughing, Spike just staring her down with a single raised eyebrow the whole time. The worst part was, she hadn’t even taken another drink in a while, she’d pretty much just been maintaining her established level of tipsy.
“You write poetry.”
“So what?”
“I’m so getting you a beret for your birthday.” She snickered, but Spike actually smiled at that. “What, you wouldn’t mind?”
“Oh, no, I’d look ridiculous. I’m just remembering I had to wear one for the Hearthswarming play, years ago, remember?” He was still smiling at the memory. “You guys didn’t have your cutie marks yet, you were in the front row...”
“Hey yeah!” Now Applebloom was pushing herself back up, she’d let herself slump a little, but it was amazing how just remembering happy times let you live them, just for another moment. “You were great! And Pinkie did the best Puddinghead I’ve ever seen.”
“Applejack being the voice of reason, Twilight playing the sensible advisor, Rainbow being brash and arrogant... and then the curtains lifted and the show started.”
Applebloom fell over laughing so hard, grabbed her ribs, it actually hurt, it actually hurt how bad she was laughing right now. And Spike just had proudest smile as he watched her roll about.
“Get you in a weak spot, huh?”
She gasped and wheezed. “Uh huh.”
“You’re a great audience when you’ve had a bit, you know that?”
“Well, you’re funny, okay?” She wheezed, lying on her back, kind of trying to worm herself back to the wall inch by inch so she didn’t have to risk showing him how wobbly she was. “Maybe that’s it.”
“I’m always funny. You’re not always drunk.” He pointed out. She shook her head, no.
“Nah. You know you only really cut loose when we have these little deep ‘n’ meaningfuls right? I don’t think you’re ever like this with anyone else.” Well, she hoped he wasn’t. She couldn’t be like this around anyone else, it seemed unfair if it was one way. Little heart skip of relief when Spike nodded. Tha-dump. Just a big burst of validation, that was nice.
“I guess that’s true. It’s just nice being around someone who takes me seriously, you know? Like an equal? So that basically comes down to you, Twilight and... honestly, Pinkie, actually?” He thought about that for a moment, seemed to be remembering some things. Then the moment was gone, and he was back to saying, “And of those three, you’re the only one I can admit to that I’m actually kind of really messed up, you know?”
“Yeah.” Applebloom nodded, looking at the bottle. Only they knew about this. She hadn’t even told Scootaloo, and like Tartarus she’d tell Sweetie. She took another sip, for the flavour this time more than anything else. Her sister really did make a good brandy, when you took the time to savour it. Rich and sweet.
“Is that how you feel about Sweetie Belle? To get back to that.”
Applebloom scrunched her nose up, putting the bottle back down. “Hayseed, no. Sweetie don’t get most of this, you know that? She’s sweet, ‘n she’s innocent. More than just nice, like she just don’t understand bad things could happen half the time. Like, she thinks everyone around her’s just good, and sometimes they mess up. Makes you wanna live up to that, you know?”
“Yeah. S’why I can’t talk to Twilight about... all this, you know?”
“I guess they’re both like that, yeah.” Applebloom nodded. She was holding back what she actually wanted to say. Bit her tongue on it, chewed her cheek, but Spike was just waiting as patiently as ever. Like he knew they’d just get off topic again if he tried to poke it out of her. Some fires just got smothered for the stoking.
The clubhouse was quiet. Most bugs were hibernating for the winter, and it was nice being next to someone warm on such a cold night. The place was smaller than she remembered, smaller every time she came back up here.
Some fires don’t need to be stoked to stir.
“I guess I just kind of see her, and I think she’s going places, you know? No matter what she decides to do, she’s going to go somewhere and do it, and not really think twice about it. And I guess I’m just thinking... if I hitch my wagon onto that, no matter what, I can get out of here too?”
She didn’t expect Spike to throw an arm around her withers, pull her close. She didn’t expect him to pull her head to his chest and run fingers through her hair, reassuring scratches. She didn’t expect any of those things, and that’s what happened.
They were just like that for a while, and Applebloom found it was really hard not to cry for some reason. Finally, she pulled herself back off him, could have been hours later but the moon hadn’t moved any higher in the sky, and wiped her eyes with the back of a hoof.
“So...” she went on, just trying to find any way to get the attention off her. She felt like a pyramid of cards with some of the ones in the middle already knocked out, right now. “What about Rarity, huh?”
“What do you mean ‘What about Rarity’?” Spike scoffed incredulously, “It’s Rarity. I’ve liked her for forever, since I first saw her. You know?”
“Yeah.” Applebloom nodded, still leaning against his shoulder for support, so it ended up being half-nod half-nuzzle. “But like... why?”
Spike blinked, she could see in the darkness. Gears were turning over in his head, she could hear that. “What, have we seriously never talked about this?”
“I guess since it’s been forever, just never thought to do it.” Applebloom admitted. “Like, why ask about something you’ve always known, right?”
“Right...” Spike murmured, and the gears went back to ticking. “So, she’s beautiful, obviously. Most beautiful pony I’ve ever met. She’s witty, and smart in a way Twilight isn’t. She’s got so much personality, and creativity...”
Applebloom nodded again. She couldn’t see his face, but she didn’t want to sit up more either. “But you just said the three ponies you think respect you, right?” She thought, “You know she wasn’t one of ‘em, right?” Because she didn’t sit up, she didn’t see his face when she said that.
Spike paused. “No, I’m sure I said her.”
“You said Twilight, Pinkie ‘n me.”
“Huh. I guess I didn’t.”
Applebloom continued, because now she was just trying to push the idea out through the liquor haze, and talking through it helped. “She’s never really been that nice to you, has she? Like... I mean, she’s nice to you, but she treats you like—”
He was quick, hard, when he interrupted. “Don’t say it.” He was firm on that, and she still couldn’t see his face. “Don’t say she treats me like a kid.”
“I was gunna say she treats you like you’re her assistant, not Twilight’s.” Applebloom finished.
She couldn’t see his face, but she could hear him swallow down nothing, feel the motion of his chest as she leaned against him for support. “Oh.”
“You think she treats you like a kid?”
Spike nodded. She could feel that too. “Yeah. I guess I do. I mean, she does, right?”
“She’s always treated you the same, far as I can tell.” Applebloom tried to reassure him, but he just kind of... he tensed, like a balled fist, and then went loose all at once with a choked sigh. “That ain’t better is it?”
Spike was real quiet for a while after that.
“You still like her though, right?”
“I...” she couldn’t see his face, but she could feel something hot and wet hit the part of her neck that was underneath his cheek, “I dunno. I think I still do? But... It’s not like I don’t know she treats me like that. I do! I just... if she respected me, if I keep proving myself hard enough, it could be different, right?”
“I don’t know.” Applebloom admitted. It really was funny how things change if you look too close at them. “I don’t know what more you could do, Spike.”
“I could...” he trailed off. One hand went back to scratching Applebloom’s ears, right in the good spot, and the other went for the bottle. He finished it off with another sigh. “You know, sometimes I wish I could feel this like you do. Make things easier for a bit.”
Applebloom shook her head, but not too much. She didn’t want to do anything to get in the way of that lovely scratching, not now. Maybe not ever. “It doesn’t make things easier,” she admitted, “it just makes it harder to be sober.”
It’d still help her run away from everything, just for tonight. Make being sober tomorrow’s problem.
They were quiet again, at that.
Which is why they heard the crunching of steps on snow, approaching.
Applebloom’s eyes shot open, and Spike made a ‘shh’ gesture at her, pointed to the window on the far side. They crept, whisper quiet. Years ago, Spike had showed her how to roll her hoof when it landed to muffle it, a librarian trick he’d learned and passed on. He took the bottle and led her on.
She’d gone from wobbly and happy to terrified and sober in a second. Her previous uncertain movements were precise, because if a floorboard was going to creak she didn’t want any excuse to blame herself for it. She didn’t want to get caught. She didn’t want Applejack to know about this, she didn’t want...
She didn’t want Applejack to tell her she couldn’t see Spike anymore.
They moved steady slow through the clubhouse, even as they heard the footsteps approach. Moving faster was just a risk. They made it halfway through when the steps first hit the wooden ramp up, and Applebloom could hear there were two of them. Big Mac? No, neither were heavy enough.
Then they were both out the window, climbing along a tree branch, and she first heard the voices.
Spike whispered in her ear the same question she was thinking; “What were Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo doing here?”
It was cold outside the clubhouse, colder even. They were just balanced on a branch like this, looking in through the window. It wasn’t a long drop, but they hadn’t taken it yet. Spike’s warmth was a blessing, but it just made her worry that much more that the other two would notice the residual in the clubhouse and stay long enough the drop was worth it.
Then Sweetie started giggling, and Scootaloo wasn’t saying much.
To Applebloom, it might have at first looked like they’d come up here to sneak a drink of their own, maybe Scootaloo had scored something she wanted to smoke if she was feeling extra rebellious. In truth, it wasn’t anything nearly so innocent.
Spike clapped a claw over Applebloom’s mouth and whispered, fiercely, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but we need to go. We can’t see this.”
Applebloom tried to tear his hand away from her mouth so she could breathe deep, scream, but he held it form for a moment, and then the other was rubbing that spot between her shoulders again, and she...
Not now. She was still drunk. Deal with this when she was sober.
Sweetie and Scootaloo weren’t noticing them, would never in a million years notice them.
And all she’d want to be, when she was dealing with this sober, was drunk and dealing with it now, dealing with it hard.
Spike held her for a bit, held her mouth ‘til she nodded slow and he pulled it away. She wasn’t going to make a peep. She was just going to deal with it. Spike tossed the brandy bottle into the snow, and it landed silently. He made a stop gesture, but she wasn’t doing anything... wait. He meant wait. Wait for what?
He grabbed the branch and swung down. She forgot how nimble he could be, it was weird to watch. He grabbed the branch and hunched, then held it as his feet dropped, and he just held a moment, curled around it. Then he stretched, holding it up above his head like he was about to do a pull-up, and he was down, all without a sound.
It was enough to make her look away. And before she could look back, he had both claws up, ready to catch her.
She knew if she looked back before she left, even for a second, it’d be that much harder to jump. She looked back anyway, couldn’t help herself.
For a moment, for a long moment, she hated Scootaloo for having what she wanted, and Sweetie Belle for being something she couldn’t have. And it was dumb, and petty, and stupid, and it burned in her like Celestia’s own fire all the more for it, because knowing how stupid it was just made her feel angrier at herself for feeling it.
She dropped down into Spike’s arms. He didn’t catch her fully, but he slowed her fall down to a crawl, and she hit the snow barely louder than a step. Spike picked up the empty bottle and pointed off somewhere, still silent, occassionally blowing a thin stream of blue light to make sure she could see him in the night.
Applebloom followed him, her light shining in the darkness. Tonight, she was fine with running away.
She trudged behind him silently. He moved quick, long past the point of anyone seeing where they’d been, and didn’t stop heading in a direction Applebloom didn’t recognize. “Away” was as good a place as any.
The trees became thinner and thinner, the moon crept overhead, as they made their way finally out of the orchard. Just steady sloping hills ahead of them as they kept walking, up towards the mountains outside of town.
“We aren’t goin’ that far, are we?” Applebloom asked nervously, the first words between them since—
“Not that far.” Spike agreed. “Just a little further.”
That held her over until he stopped at a particular hill, almost perfectly round. Just a little raised.
“Lemme just find the entrance...” Spike murmurred, more to himself, scraping around the snow. “This’d be easier in Spring... ah! Here we go.”
There was a little raised mouth to the hill, a cave. It was a cave.
“Spike—”
“It’s a lot cosier than you’d think,” he cut off any protests, squeezing himself through the elliptical cut in the rock that couldn’t have been taller than Applebloom’s withers, “Let me just get the fire started.”
A few seconds later and a steady stream of black smoke was rising from the other side of the hill, thick black puffs. The hole glowed with the welcome warmth of home’s hearth. Applebloom squeezed in after him and saw the place properly.
The floor was a jagged, glistening black in places, and at one point Spike had simply set it on fire. The rest glistened and glittered with ores in the rock. There couldn’t have been much earth covering all this stone.
“Pretty neat, huh?” Spike smiled, “Rarity found this place, but couldn’t fit in. Went digging for diamonds, cause there was all this carbon here. Told Twilight about it and she said diamonds only form in kimberlite shafts, so if there was coal here, this wasn’t that. But it makes for a great place to hide out.”
“... Rarity literally sent you down into a cramped coal mine and told you to come back with diamonds?” Applebloom laughed two short, bitter bursts.
“That uh, probably sums up our relationship, yeah.” Spike admitted, and his smile had as much happiness to it as her laugh had humour. They both settled down by the fire... She was worried about the smoke, at first, but Spike had dug out a chimney for it, his smooth clawmarks working a vent up through the stone, She could see where the swept out snow was melting around the fireplace, now.
Still, it was nice. The small amount of coal burned hot, and the crackling light made the walls sparkle brighter than the stars. She crawled against a wall and leaned back into the smoothest part of the stone she could find, and Spike crept up next to her.
“Sorry,” he said.
Applebloom nearly asked him for what, then she remembered. She bit her lower lip and nodded, didn’t trust herself to say anything, just swallowed it back down.
After a while, she seemed to find her voice. “I mean, there always were three of us, I guess it’s just natural two will be better friends than one. Ain’t nobody’s fault. Make just as much sense for them to be mad at me for liking Sweetie more. Ain’t fair to either of ‘em to be mad.”
“I’m not saying you should be mad.” Spike whispered, like even his voice could break her.
“I’m just... I’m happy for ‘em, I guess.” Her voice was far too steady, forced into obedience, “I just wish they’d have told me before I let myself,” she didn’t finish that, just buried her head into Spike’s chest and started crying all at once, and he just sit there, still just stroking those claws through her mane, slow and easy.
It didn’t help she was still a little drunk. Made it that much harder to hold it back, and she didn’t have it in her. Spike just silently stayed there for her, not really knowing what to say.
And at least the fire was warm.
“Yeah, well,” Spike mumbled, uncertainly, “you’re not competing with anyone for me.”
“Except Twilight.” Applebloom sniffled. “And Rarity.”
“Except Twilight.” Spike agreed. Applebloom waited for the second beat, but it didn’t come. She looked at him questioningly. He shrugged.
“I guess she’s really bad for me, huh.”
“Yeah, well, so am I!” Applebloom protested. “Doesn’t mean... you’re not allowed to not like her anymore just because I asked a stupid question!”
Spike pushed her off him a little, at least enough for him to be able to see her face. He looked into her eyes with a seriousness bordering on desperation. “You’re not bad for me.”
Applebloom barked out a laugh, but it more came out like a cough, her throat was so raw. “You’re sneaking booze for me, and now we’re huddled in a coal mine under snow in the middle of the night, just ‘cause of me. How’s that for starters?”
“Honestly,” and again his eyes stayed locked on hers, same seriousness, same desperation, “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. Okay? Applebloom... you’re all I got.”
And Applebloom hugged him tight, if only so she didn’t have to deal with those eyes anymore.
Spike hugged her back.
“You’re the only one who’s ever even asked me what I actually wanna do with my life.” Spike mumbled. “‘Cause they think I’m already doing it.”
Applebloom nodded into his chest again. “That we’re already living the rest of our life.”
“And I’m not even unhappy! I’m just...”
“Scared?”
He sighed, heavy and weary and long. “Yeah.”
“Well I’m scared too.” Applebloom admitted.
“What, now? Why’s that?”
“Because I’m drunk, and heartbroken, and I got you here by a warm fire, and I’m probably going to do something really stupid ‘cause of it.” She admitted, still resting on him. She pressed her weight into him just so he couldn’t run away when she said that.
He didn’t. “Ah... oh.”
“And the best line I got is, ‘I’ll be your second choice if you’d be mine.’ I’m not proud of that.”
Spike snorted laughter, hard, bent double and pushed Applebloom off him a little with the force of the wheeze. “Oh, wow. That’s... really, really awful.”
“Yeah.”
Silence but for the soft pop-and-crackle of the coals, and the rapid, anxious beating of Spike’s heart that Applebloom felt through his chest.
He shifted nervously. “You mean it though, huh?”
“Yeah. Yeah I guess I do.” Applebloom nodded. If he said no, she’d understand. She’d get it. She’d deal with it, probably run away into the night and find something else to drink, and not stop, because she’d messed up the one good thing she had left, but she’d understand.
Spike sighed. “We really are so bad for each other, aren’t we?”
Applebloom nodded, wiping the tears out of her eyes by mashing her face against him. “The absolute worst.”
Then he cupped a hand around her chin, held her face up to his own, and kissed her. He kissed her so neither of them could blame it on Applebloom’s drinking the next morning. Just a shy and gentle thing, timid and close-lipped, but just enough that they could never just consider each other friends anymore.
No matter what, they couldn’t come back from this.
And maybe just for now, maybe just for tonight, Applebloom was going to be okay with that.
Neither of them were going anywhere, neither of them had anywhere else to be. Appleboom was okay with that, too, just for tonight. She wasn’t running anywhere.