Sunset Shimmer Thinks Twilight is a Dog
"Sheesh, Twilight! You only just got here. Can't you relax for one second?" Despite her words, Sunset smiled as she watched her nerdy little friend going over her checklist one final time, happily marking off each item in a sing-song voice. "What makes you think it'll even work?"
"Because it's my equation!" Twilight said, finally pulling herself away from her checklist.
"I repeat my question."
Twilight gave Sunset a playful nudge, the two laughing for a moment before turning to the collection of items they had gathered into one place. "Still though, if we could use magic on this side of the portal…"
"Theoretically, there should be no problem, since the portal itself is magic. Since we don't have horns though, we have to resort to rituals to perform our spells. For a simple levitation spell, we'll need pegasus feathers…"
Sunset grabbed the items from the pile. "Check."
"Two unfertilised eggs."
"Check."
"Some flint, coal, crayons, carbonated drinks…"
"Check, check, check, and that last one's fake."
Twilight shot Sunset a sly grin."Just testin' ya!" As Twilight gathered the items into a separate pile, she took in a deep breath. "And now, we need a spark of magic to trigger the spell." Twilight pulled the final ingredient from her coat's pocket – a small glass jar, containing some sort of purple substance. "Shavings from the last time I filed my horn."
"Ew," Sunset said, watching as Twilight poured the shavings onto the pile. "So, what, you think that'll let you perform magic?"
"In the past, there have been records of unicorns who have lost their horns still being able to channel magic through the lost appendage, so long as they were still touching it. So, I don't see why not!" Twilight bounced up-and-down as she giggled excitedly. "To think, I'll be the first pony to perform magic in a non-magical world!"
"Didn't you already do that at the Fall Formal?" Sunset asked. "For that matter, didn't I do it first?"
Twilight shushed her. "Don't ruin this for me."
Sunset simply shrugged, and moved to a safe distance as she watched her friend kneel down and place her hands on the pile. Twilight recited the incantation. Sunset did her best not to laugh at Twilight's poor Unicornian accent and poor pronunciation of certain words.
Then, a thought occurred to her: what would happen if Twilight kept butchering the spell? "Uh, Twi-"
There was a sudden flash of light, so powerful that it blinded Sunset for a few seconds, and when she could see again, the ingredients were gone… along with Twilight.
"… Twilight?" Sunset asked, wandering around the abandoned lot and searching every nook and cranny for her friend. "Twilight, this isn't funny! Tell me where you are! … Say nothing if I'm Celestia's favourite student!"
Sunset allowed herself a momentary fist pump for her minor victory, before returning to the issue at hand. Swiftly, she gathered up the remaining items that the two had brought for their magic experiments that day, only to interrupted by a bark.
Turning around, Sunset gasped. There was a dog standing behind her, looking up into her eyes. The dog had purple fur, and hair that was a darker-purple, with a pink streak. She also had the most adorable face and as she sat down, she gave the cutest whimper Sunset had ever heard.
There was no mistaking it. "Oh, Twilight!" Sunset cried, scooping up the dog before she could run away. "Oh, Twilight, what's happened to you?! I knew you Unicornian was bad, but this is…" Sunset took a moment to breathe in, and then out, composing herself. "It's okay… It's okay, Twilight. It's gonna be okay, you hear me? We're gonna find out what went wrong and reverse the spell!"
Something rumbled, and Sunset looked down to find dog-Twilight grinning sheepishly and hiding her face beneath her hat. "Well, maybe we could get you something to eat, first." Sunset rose to her feet, almost losing her grip on dog-Twilight as she tried to struggle out of her hold. "Whoa, easy! I know this is embarrassing for you, but you need to consider your situation!"
Sunset frowned, and it took almost a full minute for dog-Twilight to tire herself out and resign herself to her fate. As Sunset left the lot, she wondered to herself, 'Twilight's acting funny… Almost like she's more feral now… I hope the spell hasn't done any lasting damage to her brain.'
Meanwhile, approximately one block over, a flash of light filled the area. When it was gone, Twilight stood at its epicentre, dazed and confused.
After she shook off the weariness, she looked around herself to find that she was in a street. She recognised it as one she had taken to reach Pinkie Pie's house once before, and knew that the lot wasn't far.
"I guess I performed a teleportation spell by mistake. Oh, man, I knew my Unicornian was rusty, but still… Must be this dumb human tongue. Yep, that's definitely it," Twilight conclude with a resolute nod.
"Um, excuse me!" Twilight heard from behind. The voice sounded like Rainbow Dash, so she turned expecting to see a familiar face, but instead she found a brown-haired girl running towards her with a leash in one hand and a collar in the other. "Sorry to bother you. Have you seen a dog running about without a collar around here?"
"A dog?" Twilight asked, before shaking her head. "Can't say I have. But, what does she look like? I can let you know if I see it."
"T-That'd be great, thanks," the girl said, taking a moment to catch her breath, and then giving Twilight a friendly smile. "She's small, and she looks like… Well, kinda like you, actually. She's purple, and her hair's just like yours." The girl laughed to herself for a moment. "If I wasn't so rational, I'd almost think you were Zoe."
"Zoe? Oh, I guess that's her name?"
The girl nodded. "Ah, hold on. Let me give you my number. My name's Blythe, bee-tee-doubs."
Twilight took out the phone Sunset had given her, and stared at it for a few seconds. She noticed Blythe looking at her funny, and giggle sheepishly. "Uhh, Twilight," she returned, before offering her phone to Blythe. "I'm, uh, not very good with this stuff. Would you mind?"
"Uh, not at all." Blythe took the phone and pressed the button on the side. "Oh, it's got a password.
"One two three four."
Blythe hesitated for a moment, before putting in the not-so-secure password. "You, uh, kinda look like the type that'd be into this sorta stuff. You know, phones and computers…"
"Weeee… don't really have them where I'm from?" Eager to change the subject, Twilight asked, "So how'd you lose Zoe, anyway?"
Blythe paused for a moment.
Blythe and Zoe were at the park, enjoying a pleasant day out with the sun beaming down on everybody. Deciding to take a break, Blythe sat herself down on one of the benches, making nice conversation with the ducks from a nearby pond and sharing some of her bread with them.
Meanwhile, Zoe was enjoying gazing at her reflection in said pond, trying a few poses and making sure that her hair was perfect. Her fun was soon interrupted when a flying acorn came crashing down into the water, splashing Zoe and ruining her reflection.
"Heyyyy!" Zoe cried, before turning around and looking for the source of the disturbance. Of course, it was the squirrels that lived in the park, and naturally, they weren't taunting her. "How dare you?! I'll make you pay for this!"
Zoe tried to chase after the squirrels, but she found that her leash only allowed her to go so far.
"Are you okay, Zoe?!" Blythe asked, and then breathed a sigh of relief when Zoe seemed just fine.
"It's not fair, Blythe! I was having a wonderful time, and then those squirrels, they just-"
"I know, Zoe," Blythe said, giving her friend a kind-yet-stern look. "But you know what you should do with bullies, right? Just ignore them. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset."
Zoe sighed. "Ohhhh, fine. I suppose you're right. Just… can we move on soon? Please?"
"Sure. Just a few more minutes. Mrs. Quackerson was just about to tell me about her son's birthday party."
Zoe huffed, and lay down on the grass, too distracted with trying to get her mind off of those pesky squirrels to hear the story Blythe was so enamoured with. Her mind drifted off to happier places: the pet shop's day-care, her friends there, her owners, Digby…
'Oh, Digby. I know where I'd bury your bone.'
Her thoughts were interrupted as an acorns bopped her on the head, causing her to yelp and turn around suddenly. The squirrels were pointing towards her, and laughing.
The final straw snapped, and Zoe – disregarding her leathery restraint – charged towards the furry little rodents with a series of barks.
"Zoe-" Blythe gasped as she turned, and found that Zoe's collar had snapped, allowing her to run freely through the park, chasing one of the squirrels into the street outside.
"Zoe, wait!" Blythe cried, stopping to pick up the collar. She glared at the tear, which revealed the flimsy work behind it. "What kind of cheap company made this- 'Largest Ever Pet Shop'?!"
"Oh, yeah. We, like, made those."
The voice sent shivers down Blythe's spine, and reluctantly, she turned around. Behind her were the Biskit twins, daughters of the Largest Ever Pet Shop's CEO and – she was sure – demons-in-disguise. What disturbed her even more was that she was able to tell which one it was that had spoken from just the voice alone.
"Daddy, like, said we had to help in the shop, to like, cut costs?" Brittany said, she and her sister both absorbed into their phones.
"But we, like, don't know the first thing about those pet… necklace thingies," Whitney finished.
"Uh-huh… And, why are you here, exactly?"
"We had to, like, take Cashmere and Velvet out for their morning walks, or like, whatever," Brittany explained.
Blythe looked around, finding no signs of the chinchilla twins anywhere. "So, uh, where are they?"
The Biskit twins stopped to look at each other, before both groaned and slumped down. "I knew we like, forgot something!" Whitney cried.
"We should have made one of those like, list, thingies, that you check!" Brittany.
"Welllll, then," Blythe began, slowly backing away. "I'll just uh, leave you two to… whatever this is…" And with that, Blythe ran away from the twins, praying for their poor butler's soul as they heard their yelling behind herself.
"It's a long story," Blythe simple summarised, before handing Twilight's phone back to her. "Here you go. I put myself under 'Blythe Style'."
"Great!" Twilight said, looking at her phone for a second before opening her mouth.
"Just press the green icon there and my name will be at the top. Then you just touch it to call me."
Twilight blushed and giggled nervously. "T-Thanks. Well, then, I'll call you if I see your dog."
As the two bid each other farewell, Twilight turned and walked down the street. "Now let's see… If my memory serves me correctly – as it often does – then I should follow this corner, then cross at the lights and take a right, and then…"
"Well, the good news is that I got all our stuff right here," Sunset said, dumping the ingredients onto the table in her kitchen. "Including the shavings from your horn! … Again, ew."
Dog-Twilight barked, and her tongue lolled out of her mouth, her eyes wide-and-pleading.
"Right. With my insanely-high IQ, and much better grasp of ancient languages," Sunset teased, "We should have you fixed-up in no time! But before that, let's eat! Can't perform magic on an empty stomach!"
Dog-Twilight barked again, wagging her tail enthusiastically.
Sunset opened her refrigerator and looked at what she had. "Okay, so like, I don't have any dog food… I'm sure I can give you something out here though. Leeeeet's see…" Sunset's eyes glossed over a jar of peanut butter, and her mind drifted to a dark, forbidden place. She pulled her mind out of the gutter immediately and continued to look around.
Without meaning to, her eyes drifted back to that jar, and Sunset bit her lip. 'No! Bad Sunset!' She scolded herself. 'That's disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself for even entertaining the thought!'
Sunset pried her eyes away, a blush spreading across her cheek. 'I mean, okay, it is Twilight, but she's also a dog right now! A… very cute dog, sure, but still a dog! Who just happens to be Twilight, a girl you've maybe fantasised about once-or-twice.'
Sunset shook her head, and heard another bark from dog-Twilight. 'Yes, nobody will ever know, and yes, you'll never get this chance again, but that's no excuse!' Sunset's hand reached for the jar and she slowly gripped it. 'It's not right and you know that it isn't!' Sunset lifted the jar up, her breath increasing. 'Which is why you're going to put that jar down, prepare a proper meal, and help your friend!'
"H-Hey, Twilight. You like peanut butter, right?"
Twilight groaned as she finally made it to Sunset's house, resting her hands on the front door and wiping the sweat from her brow. She'd forgotten how exhausting walking on two legs could be when there was no talk of science or magic to distract her.
She opened the door and walked inside, attempting to call for Sunset but finding that she was just too tired to even try. Instead, she just closed the door and walked towards the kitchen, knowing that a phone was in there in case Sunset hadn't returned home. She would have done so on her mobile, but the mean lady on the other end kept telling her that she was out of 'credit'. Something she noted that she would have to ask Sunset about later.
For now, though, she needed water. As she neared the kitchen, she heard a voice from behind the door. "Mmmm, that's it. Just like that, Twilight."
Twilight raised her eyebrow. The voice was definitely Sunset's, but who was she talking to? She pressed her ear to the door and listened. "That's right. Lick it all off. Good girl."
Twilight blushed. Sunset sounded so lewd, so aroused – not that sweet, innocent little Twilight would know what that sounded like. No siree. Still, the voice concerned her. Slowly, she opened the door, and peered inside.
Sunset had peanut butter on her fingers, and was panting and moaning as a small, purple dog licked it off. The girl was biting her lip and her face was coated in a deep blush. Suddenly, she pulled her hand away. "Okay, Twilight, now let's try somewhere else." Sunset unfastened her jeans, and then reached her hands into either side of them.
"A-hem!"
Sunset froze. Cold sweat started pouring down her face. Slowly, her head began to turn, inch-by-inch, until finally, she was face-to-face with Twilight Sparkle, the two girls staring into each other's eyes for a few awkward seconds. Twilight folded her arms and raised an eyebrow expectantly.
Sunset swallowed the lump and her throat, and quickly jumped to her feet. "T-Twilight, you're not a dog!" she shouted in rejoice.
Twilight unfolded her arms and walked swiftly over to her friend, raising her hand in the air.
"Oh, Zoe, thank goodness you're alright!" Blythe cried, opening her arms as Zoe jumped into her hold. She hugged her friend, and then looked to Twilight. "Thanks again for finding her, and for calling me!"
"It's no problem," Twilight said with a smile. "I'm just happy I was able to find her before some weirdo did." Twilight shifted her eyes to Sunset, who simply frowned and looked away, scratching at the red hand-mark on her face.
Zoe barked, and Blythe turned to her with a curious look. Twilight and Sunset turned, too, and Zoe barked two more time.
Blythe's eyes widened and she turned to Sunset, who simply smiled back, tilting her head in confusion. "Um, is something wrong?"
Blythe's face reddened slightly, and she gave an uncomfortable giggle as she slowly shifted away from the girls. "N-No, not at all. I, um, should really be going now. Thanks again, Twilight!"
The two waved goodbye as Blythe left, Sunset cocking an eyebrow in confusion, until she heard Twilight beside her say, "So, peanut butter…"
Sweat dripped down Sunset's brow and she swallowed hard. "I, uh, that is, I mean, I wasn't really-"
"I don't really like peanut butter, y'know?" Twilight said, before leaning closer and adding, "Now, whipped cream, on the other hoof…"
Sunset's face exploded into a sea of red, and she simply stood still for what felt like an eternity. Finally, after several seconds had passed, she reached for her wallet and said, "I'm just… going down to the store real quick."