Random escapes his stone prison and causes chaos in Equestria with his little sister, Screwball.
Screwball always felt a little alone. Not in that sense, she had a lot of friends. But aside from her daddy Discord, who is again imprisoned in stone, there wasn't anyone that was like her, a Chaos Magic user. Well, imagine her surprise when her daddy tells her that she has a big brother. Yeah, she exploded with excitement. Literally.
Meanwhile, on the royal garden of the Canterlot Castle, a very interesting statue started to crack a little.
Had this idea while talking with my buddies on Twitter, I know that it's not original, but hey, I like this kind of story. If someone would be so kind as to do a cover art for this... Takes place right after Discord's imprisonment. Will follow chronological events of the show, but will be spread with events that I think will be interesting to add. Rated Teen to be safe... I wonder why that sounds weird... WARNING CODE LEVEL 'PINK'!!! That Random tag is serious! Shit is gonna rain on this fic! Like literal shit raining from the sky in one of the scenes! Don't worry, It will not smell. But it will be shit. They will be able to tell because of the smell... There will be references. A LOT. The Medic recommend this fic. The Heavy too.
Other characters (will be edited along the course of the story): Princess Celestia Princess Luna Cutie Mark Crusaders
Discord screamed as the rainbow tornado turned him into stone once again. The bearers of the Elements of Harmony cheered, but unknown to them, a small pink filly with a propeller beanie atop her purple and white mane observed them from inside a bush. Her purple swirled eyes were glistening with tears as she watched the events unfold and her mouth uttered a single word.
"Daddy..."
She cried silently, without her dad, she was once again alone, as no one she knew was able to use Chaos Magic like her. She wished someone that could understand her, someone who would accept her because of who she is, not because of what her daddy did on the past...
"Hey, Screwball."
Came the voice on her head. She instantly recognized who it was.
"Daddy!"
"Yup, it's me. Listen up, right now I'm using the last bit of Chaos Magic I have to talk with you, so I have to be quick."
"Last bit?"
"Yeah, after this I'll be trapped in this statue for a long time, but I don't want you to feel alone anymore, so pay attention: Go to the garden in the Canterlot Castle. One of the statues should have some cracks in it, I want you to go and help the creature stuck on that statue to break free, okay?"
"Why, daddy?"
"Because, Screwball" Discord's voice started to fade as he said this. "He's your big brother."
Meanwhile, the six girls who defeated Discord could have sworn that they heard a small explosion.
!!??? POV¡¡
"Sentry go-go down-up! Dammit! Gotta-gotta move that gear!"
Oh, hi there. My name is... Well, I can't really remember my real name, so you can call me Random Oddball.
"You make me- stab, make me- fak, make me- *snort*, slap my- ass, make me- move..."
You're probably wondering why I'm singing these silly songs right now.
Yeah, about this, let me tell you something: being trapped in stone is NOT GUD for your sanity. Sure, I'm not one of those weird kind of crazy who are obsessed with little stupid things.
"I AM BULLET-PROOF!!!"
I am what I like to think as the 'funny' kind of crazy. You know, the guy who talks to inanimate objects or alone (though I am pretty sure everyone talks alone once in a while) and do silly things, like walking backwards with a helmet that looks like a melon. Yeah, I really did that.
"If I know that everything I know is that I know nothing... What else do I need to know?"
Oh, here's an interesting fact about me: I was from another world... Or dimension, I can't exactly explain. Thing is, I'm not from around here, I came from a place called Earth, from the Sul-American continent, Brazil, to be specific. You should have seen it in it's better days, it was a really beautiful place. Now some jerk is in charge and started to make everyone's life suck.
"That Spy, is a Spy!"
Even though I came from a place where everyone talks Portuguese, I was always very good at talking English, it was kind of my second language. Sometimes while talking with people, I would subconsciously slip into talking English. Boy, was it embarrassing.
"I am going to kill you until you die from a killed death!"
Well, life was boring for me back then. I lived with my big sister, had to go to school, helped my grandfather in his businesses... And had lots of arguments with my family. One night, I wished that I could go to a place where things wouldn't be as boring, and guess what? My wish was granted, in the form of a swirling portal in my bedroom.
"Give me that HEDGEHOG in a PINGAS!"
Long story short, I was greeted by a creature that seemed to be a mish-mash of different animals, and he said that he would give me powers that could bend reality itself if I accepted to be his son.
"I win! Flawless victory! Fatality!"
I accepted because of two reasons. One was that, this could be a fresh start on a new life for me. I would get the chance to not make the mistakes I made back home. The second, is... C'mon, powers that can bend REALITY!? I know a lot of people who would kill for something like that. So I accepted the offer and gained a new dad and cool powers.
"I'M RUNNING OUT OF REFERENCES HERE, BRAIN!!!"
And finally, about my stone cold problem. Turns out, Chaos wasn't really appreciated, and that... Nasty princesses trapped my dad while I was away trying to learn some tricks with my powers... Those dirty brats... They sneaked up on me and did the same to me while I was busy trying to understand what happened with my new dad... They entered my blacklist that day...
Currently, I'm in some kind of garden in a castle that I'm pretty sure is on the side of a mountain. Ponies and their tastes, go figure. I may be a statue right now, but I can still see and hear what's going on around me while I'm awake. While I sleep, I use my dreams to train both my Chaos Magic (as I discovered that it was called that) and some physical moves from my favorite games. You should see me launching a Hadouken in a target, it was really cool.
"I'm starting to get bored again."
Earlier today, I saw a group of foals (I think that's what pony children are called) close to dad's 'statue'. Some moments later I witnessed him break free from his prison. He approached me and said that he would try and create as much chaos as possible to help me escape too, and said that he had a little surprise for when I got out of the statue. I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
This delay could mean two things: Either he forgot about me, or he was defeated again before he could free me. The latter was the most probable of the two, as I could feel the walls of my prison had severely weakened, but it still wasn't enough for me to get out. If I could get just a little bit more of Chaos Magic...
Something pink moves in the corner of my vision. I can't really turn my head to see what it was, but I think it must be one of those brightly colored animals that live around the garden...
'Aaaugh, I'm starting to itch all over again...' I mentally complain. Those stupid princesses could at least have left me a way to scratch myself...
My train of thought is interrupted as the pink thing from before appears in front of my statue. As I get a good look, I discover that it's a filly with pink fur, a light purple mane that was really messy and had white stripes, a propeller beanie atop it all, and interesting purple eyes that had white swirls in them. Looking at her flank I saw that she had a screw and a baseball as mark, but none of that was important. It was the fact that I could feel Chaos Magic emanating from her that surprised me.
After some seconds of silence that were starting to get awkward, I decided to test how weakened my prison was and attempted to talk with the filly as I had nothing else to do.
"Hello, can you hear me?"
She nodded. I almost shouted out of excitement, the spell trapping has weakened a lot.
"My name's Random Oddball, but you can call me Random. What's your name?" I asked.
She broke into a massive grin. "My name's Screwball, and I'm your little sister!"
I paused. Just to be sure, I replayed what she said over and over again in my mind. 'Yup, she said that she's my little sister. Hmm... Maybe this was the surprise that dad was talking about? That would explain why I sensed Chaos Magic in her... So that means *gasp* that the sky is pink! No wait, that's not it.' I looked at Screwball again. 'Oh yeah, it means that we're family! YAAAAAY!'
"Big brother?" She asked. I noticed that I had been silent the entire time. So I decided to say what was on my mind at the moment.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEDGEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG- PINGAS!!!"
She giggled. "You're so silly!"
I would have smiled if I could, she was so adorable! "I don't even try. Now, how about you help your big bro get out of this statue? I wanted to have rock-hard abs, but not like this and I'm itching all over my body."
"Sure, how do I do it?"
"If you can put a little bit of Chaos Magic in the statue, I may be able to break free."
"Okay!" She does as I asked, and I won't bother explain how it worked, it's Chaos, don't question it.
Seconds later, the statue shakes violently and shatter as I stand there pointing dramatically to the sky. "BOOYAHH!!!" I say before starting to scratch my everything. Some seconds of good scratching later I stop, relieved of being out of that stupid statue, and get tackled to the ground by a pink blur.
"Yay, you're free!" Screwball shouts happily. I chuckle and get up, holding her in a hug.
"Can you show me where dad is right now?"
She seemed to get a little sad. I didn't need to hear a response as that could only mean one thing. I quickly tried to lift the mood again.
"What you say we go to the town where dad last was and see if he's still there?"
She nodded and sniffed. "Okay." I smiled at her and she seemed perk up a little as I looked to the sky.
"Watch out, Equestria," I said. "Because the Chaos has been tripled!"
After Discord's defeat, the population of Ponyville returned to their normal lifestyle (or as normal as they can, what with living close to the Everfree Forest). They exited their houses, walked through the park, talked with friends, that sort of things.
That is, until a strange creature fell from the sky and slammed face-first on the ground. Everything suddenly became very quiet as every pony that was close to the place stared as the creature lay motionlessly, with an occasional twitch here or there. Then it spoke.
"...It didn't hurt!"
The effect was instantaneous. A certain flower trio started screaming things like 'MONSTER!', 'RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!' and the classic 'THE HORROR! THE HORROR!'. The panic spread like wildfire and soon, almost half the town was screaming and running around. The creature lifted it's head and looked at the fleeing ponies.
"...Was it something that I said?"
Nopony answered as they were to busy causing chaos-
"Hey, I'M the one supposed to cause chaos, man!"
...as they were busy panicking about yet another thing. Screwball slowly floated down to his side.
"What's happening, big brother?"
Random got to his feet, dusted himself and shrugged. "I dunno, sis. Maybe this is their way of saying 'Welcome to the town', I never really understood pony culture. I remember one little town back in my old world were people were greeted with something being thrown at their heads." At that exact moment, an anvil landed right in his head and shattered as if it was made of glass. "...I think they really like me!" He said as he tilted backwards and fell to the ground once again.
"Celestial dammit, Derpy!" Shouted an angry vice from above. "This is the third anvil you drop this month!"
"Sorry, my bad! I just don't know what went wrong..."
Screwball looked at her dizzied brother, who was mumbling something about hedgehogs and giant talking eggs with a comical look on his face. If one looked closely at him, they would notice some small birds circling his head. Screwball giggled, waved the birds away and shook him.
"C'mon, Random. It's too early in the chapter to be unconscious!"
Random shook his head and frowned at the sky. "It's the Author's fault!"
Can you blame me? People like this kind of stuff.
"They like to see the suffering of a poor, innocent soul?"
...Yes.
Random merely shook his head slowly. "You don't know how to make a story really interesting, do you?"
Silence.
Screwball looked at Random, then to the sky and back to Random. "You're talking with that Author guy, right?" She asked. At Random's nod she smiled before looking back at the empty streets, as everypony hid inside their houses. Random also noticed this.
"Okay, I know that I asked this before, but I'm going to ask it again: Was it something that I said?"
Screwball shrugged.
The mane six and Spike filled out of the train and walked away from the station chatting excitedly among themselves.
"Aw yeah, I can't wait to go home and get some sleep!" Said Rainbow Dash, her unkept pollychromatic mane bobbing a little as she flapped her wings. The cyan mare looked at her friends with her magenta eyes as she stretched a little in midair. "Being a hero of Equestria is really tiring!"
"Now hold on jus' a darn second! Ya spent most of the day layin' in that cloud that ya thought was Cloudsdale! How can ya be tired?" Questioned Applejack in her southern accent, as the orange mare tilted the stetson that sat atop her blonde mane that was tied into a ponytail (go figure) to direct her emerald eyes at her airborne friend.
"I agree with Dashie!" Interrupted Pinkie Pie, her pink mess-curly (yup, that's a thing) mane that was some shades darker that her coat bobbing up and down as she bounced alongside them as her teal eyes darted excitedly between her friends. "Being a hero is tiring, unless you're one of those ponies who have a lot of energy to run around all day but even then they would have to sleep at night because everypony is tired at bed time unless you're one of those strange ponies who look like a cross between a bat and a pony and OHMYGOSHITHINKTHISISASPOILERFORGETISAIDTHAT!!! *squee*"
Rarity rolled her ocean blue eyes at her hyperactive friend's antics. "Seriously Pinkie darling, I think all of us had our dose of weird things for today, so it's not necessary that you add your... 'peculiar' talk to it." The alabaster unicorn said, running a hoof through her perfectly styled purple mane. She then looked at her yellow friend, who was trying to hide her light green eyes behind her long light pink mane. "What about you, Fluttershy?"
Said mare squeaked softly before replying in an almost whispery voice. "U-uhmm... I'm not really tired... But I want to go back home to make sure all of my animal friends are okay... I-if that's alright with you girls..."
"Of course it's alright, Fluttershy." Asnwered Twilight Sparkle, the lavender unicorn being able to hear the timid pegasus even though she was at the front of the group. She looked back as her dark blue mane that had a purple and a pink stripe flowed a little on the gentle breeze and directed her purple eyes at her shy friend. "You are right, all of us should go back to our homes to get some rest."
"Hey Twilight, have you noticed something?" Spike asked. Twilight looked at the small baby dragon with lavender scales and green spikes who was riding on her back.
"Not really. What is it?"
"Well, the town seems awfully empty, don't you think?"
They all paused and looked around. True to Spike's statement, the streets were devoid of ponies. It almost looked like a scenario of a ghost town, it was only missing the dark clouds and the creepy fog to make it complete.
"That's weird..." Twilight said. "We defeated Discord, so it's supposed to be safe in town already, so where's everypony?" And as if triggered by that question, Pinkie's tail started twitching.
"Twitchy-twitch!"
Everypony (and dragon) stared worriedly at their pink friend then nervously turned their gazes to the sky. There was a brief flash of light and a strange creature stood floating on the sky.
Random blinked and looked down. "...Merde." And then, for a second time that day, Random fell on his face. Followed by Screwball falling right on top of his back. She worriedly looked down at him.
"Are you okay?"
"Aside from the fact that my face and the ground seem to be in love with each other today, I have never been better." He answered without lifting his head.
The seven friends stared. Neither of them knew how to react to the scene before them. Except for a certain pink pony who was roling around the ground in laughter. Ignoring her friend's steric laughter, Twilight cleared her throat and nervously adressed the creature on the ground.
"Uh, hello?"
There was a muffled 'Hi' coming from Random. Screwball looked at Twilight and her eyes widened before narrowing to slits.
"Random, it's them! The ones that attacked dad!"
A muffled shout of 'WHAT!?' was heard before Random shot to his feet, caught Screwball before she could hit the ground after being launched from his back and turned to glare at the ponies and dragon in front of him.
Surprised, Twilight took a step backwards, Spike falling off her back. She was not understanding, she didn't attack anypony's father. She would never do something like that, so why was that filly accusing her and her friends of doing such thing?
She was brought out her thoughts as she heard the little filly starts to cry on the creature's chest while he softly stroked her mane with one apendage while maintaining it's glare. Now that she got a good look at him, he seemed to be a lot taller than a pony, Big Mac would probably reach slightly above the creature's waist. He looked like a furless monkey with what seemed to be a short black mane with a blue streak atop his head. His clothes were odd, he seemed to be wearing a white jacket over a black shirt, dark gray pants an black shoes.{1} His emerald green eyes were still glaring at her with anger.
"What do you want? Leave me and my sister alone!" Random said.
Everypony was shocked at his words. How can a pony be related to a creature like that? Random tore his angered glare from them and looked down at Screwball to comfort her.
"Don't worry, sis. I won't let these monsters" He said, turning back to the mane six to punctuate his sentence. "hurt you. They won't get past me, you're safe."
Rainbow Dash was the first to snap out of her stupor, and zipped to float in front of Random's face, shooting her own glare at him.
"Hey, what is your problem! We didn't do anything with you, so why are you angry with us?"
Random's anger vanished in a instant and he stared blankly at the mare in front of him as his brain processed what he was seeing.
A cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane.
A pegasus with a rainbow mane.
Rainbow mane.
Rainbow.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Random screamed, hoisted Screwball on his shoulder, turned and shot away running, leaving five ponies and a dragon confused, one pony laughing and a comically Random-shaped dust cloud.
Rainbow Dash blinked and turned to her friends. "Was it something that I said?"
After some time of running, Random stopped to catch his breath and lowered Screwball to the ground. She worriedly looked at him as he panted fo air.
"Random, what happened? Why did you run away like that?"
After finally managing to get some air into his lungs again, Random looked at her and admitted a serious expression.
"Promise you won't laugh?" He asked. At Screwball's hesitant nod he sighed and started to sheepishly rub the back of his neck. "The truth is that... I'm afraid of rainbows..."{2}
"Wait, for real? Why?"
"It's because of that nasty raindow death-laser those fatasses of princesses used to imprison me all those years ago..." He shuddered. "It still give me the shivers when I think about it. And the worst part is that they sneaked behind my back to use it! I only had time to turn around and scream!"
Screwball hugged her big brother. Her daddy had said to not trust that princesses, but to attack someone from behind? That's low.
As Random hugged her back she looked up at him and asked what was on her mind ever since they exited the royal gardens.
"So... Now what?"
Random grinned and looked back towards the town.
"Now, sister... Let's go cause some Chaos."
{1} Got the idea of using these clothes from a certain video game character. Can any of you guess which one?
The sky had turned a light shade of pink, the fruits battled to decide which one was the most delicious {1}, clouds were raining upwards and houses were gossiping about their respective residents' lives. And in the middle of it all, was the one responsible for all the chaos. And he didn't look happy.
Random frowned at the chaos he had created while sitting in a floating reclining chair. He had his arms and legs crossed and he hummed in thought as he observed everything. Screwball noticed his expression and floated closer to him.
"Random, what's wrong? Don't you like the chaos we are causing?" She asked with a concerned face. Random sighed and closed his eyes.
"It's not that, Screwy, it's just... All this..." He waved one arm around indicating to everything around them. "It's too similar to what dad would do..." He looked up at the pink sky. "It's not original."
"What are you trying to say?"
Random stood up, picked the reclining chair with one hand and stuffed it in one of his pockets. "What I'm saying is that..." He looked at Screwball with a serious (and silly) face. "I need to come up with my own idea to cause chaos."
Screwball gasped in realization. "Ooh, that makes so much sense! The author guy must have a pretty good idea of what it could be!"
No, do not ask me. I'm not going to tell you anything. And stop talking with me, you're not supposed to.
Random looked up with a frown. "Then why did you gave us the ability to break the fourth wall?"
...Shut up and go in the direction of the Arcade. You will understand.
Random smiled triumphantly. Screwball giggled. The author grumbled.
Twilight was hyperventilating. She looked around in horror as the chaotic events unfolded in front of her eyes. It made no sense, she and her friends had defeated Discord only some hours ago but already the city was in chaos again. It was not possible! Unless...
"I'm pretty sure that weird guy is Discord on a disguise." Said Rainbow, voicing what was probably on everypony's mind.
"Ah hate ta say this, but Ah agree with Rainbow. That fella jus' appeared outta nowhere jus' when Discord is away from 'ere. Maybe the darn trickster managed to fool us again." Applejack said looking in the direction where the creature ran away.
Fluttershy was trembling while she tried to hide behind Applejack, as if her flank was some kind of shield. Rarity approached her and gently poked the shy made.
"Fluttershy darling? Why are you trying to hide behind Applejack?"
Fluttershy squeaked and tried to make herself smaller. "Oh, it's just that I can hide completely behind her. There's lots of room to hide here..."
"And what's that supposed ta mean!?" Applejack asked, feeeling a little insulted.
Pinkie giggle-snorted before gasping excitedly. "If that was Discord, does that means more cotton candy clouds that rain chocolate milk?"
"Girls, can we focus on the important matter here!?" Twilight half-shouted before taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. "It's highly improbable that that was Discord. We saw his statue being replaced in the royal gardens. But it's not totally impossible for him to have escaped the imprisonment. Of course that's just one theory. The other is that Discord have agents to help him spread chaos, and that was one of them."
Rainbow's jaw dropped. "Are you saying that there's more of them!?"
Twilight nodded slowly. "Probably."
Twilight looked to her side and saw Spike standing there with a thoughtful look on his face as he scratched his chin.
"Something wrong, Spike?" She asked her assistant. "I mean, aside from all this chaos?"
His face remained with that expression as he answered. "...You said that it's possible that that was Discord, right?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Well, then why didn't he recognized you? He just kind of, like, glared at us then ran away as if his mane was on fire!... Or, whatever he has atop his head."
Twilight paused to consider her assistant's words. Now that she thought about it, the creature didn't seem to know them. In fact, it even said hi to her. So the theory that Discord managed to escape imprisonment again was out of the window.{2}
"Well, I think that means that's not Discord. Sure, it could be an act and he was pretending to not know us, but if that was the case then he would have appeared again to brag about how he fooled us."
"Ah guess yer right, Twi. The darn trickster likes to do that more than Dash here." Applejack agreed.
"Hey!"
At that exact moment, Random ran past them screaming with Screwball clinging to the top of his head. He then paused and turned to Pinkie.
"You, pink one! In which direction is the Arcade?" He asked.
Pinkie smiled and pointed down the street they were in. "Just go through here, you can't miss it!"
"Alright, thanks! Here, have a strawberry flavored chocolate." He said as he gave her a pink colored chocolate bar before running in the direction of the Arcade. Pinkie took a bite of the chocolate and her eyes sparkled.
"Oh my gosh, this is delicious! It's like putting strawberry frosting on a chocolate cupcake or putting chocolate frosting on a strawberry cupcake or-"
"Pinkie!" Twilight yelled. "What are you doing!? That guy could be dangerous, why didn't you stopped him!?"
"Well, duh! It isn't what's supposed to happen in this chapter!"
Oh, not you too, Pinkie...
"What? You should know that if you created a story where the characters can break the fourth wall that I would do it too!"
Stop. Just... continue with the story. For the sake of my sanity.
"Okie-dokie!"
The others stared at their pink friend as she seemingly talked with the sky while munching on a pink chocolate bar. They all made the wise decision of not questioning her antics, after all, Pinkie was Pinkie. It was everything they needed to know. Instead, Twilight turned her attention to where the creature ran away to.
"C'mon, everypony! We need to stop that guy! Spike, you go to the library and send a letter warning the princesses."
"Got it, Twilight!" He saluted before running to the library to do as told. The rest of the mane six nodded to each other before running to where the creature was.
#Random's POV#
These ponies are a little weird. There's a unicorn made following me for some time now. She doesn't say anything, she just looks at me with that large smile of hers. It's starting to become unsettling, so I decided to do something about this.
I paused in my tracks and turned to the unicorn. She stopped abruptly and sat down when she saw me looking at her and her smile became nervous. Hmm, I wonder...
"Random, what are you doing?" Screwball asked from atop my head when she saw me extending my hand towards the unicorn.
"I wanna try something that I'm curious about the ponies..." I said as I closed my hand in a fist and stuck my index finger out. The unicorn observed my hand closely, she seemed fascinated by the appendage. If I remember correctly, I have press my finger here and...
*boop*
*scrunch*
'Huh, so it really works after all.' I thought as I observed the mare with a scrunched face. It was equal parts funny and cute.
"What's your name, oh scrunchy faced one?" I asked the unicorn.
After shaking the confusion away, she looked up at me and smiled again. "My name's Lyra Heartstrings. What's yours? Are you a human? Can I shake your hand?"
"To answer all your questions in order: My name's Random, yes I am and sure you can." I extended my right hand for her to shake. She grabbed it and shook violently. I'm pretty sure I heard a crack somewhere.
"You know, I think I'll need that hand..." I tried to say, but she kept shaking.
She didn't even notice when my hand separated from the rest of my arm. When she finally decided pay attention to her surroundings again, I was already putting a spare hand I had in my pocket in the place of the old one. I flexed my fingers to test the new hand and looked back to Lyra. Poor made was looking back and forth between the hand I had and the one she was holding. I think she's confused...
"Hey, don't worry." I said, grabbing her attention. "You can keep this one. I have a lot more.{3}"
She gasped. "You really mean it?"
I shrugged and started walking away. "Sure. I'll see you another time."
I don't know why, but there was a weird squee sound behind me.
=>A LITTLE TIME LATER<=
Of course. Why didn't I think of this before? It was so obvious!
Here standing in front of the Arcade, the idea hit me. Literally, as someone had thrown one of the machines at me. I am currently laying face down on the ground with said machine atop my back. Thankfully, Screwball had jumped out of my head the moment she saw the thing flying our direction, so she was okay.
"Are you okay, Random?" I heard her ask.
Pushing the machine off me, I stood up and smiled at her. "I'm more than okay. I know exactly what to do!"
She gasped. "Really!?"
"Yeah! Are you ready for some original Chaos, sis?" I asked while raising a hand in the air, with the palm facing upwards, and started drawing to me all the Chaos magic already affecting this town.
"I sure am!"
"The let the true Chaos from Random reign!" And after drawing all the Chaos magic, I let it explode outwards again, focusing in my own brand of Chaos...
$$Meanwhile...$$
In one of the many balconies of the Canterlot Castle, a certain pair of royal princesses looked at the distant town of Ponyville.
Celestia and Luna both showed expressions of worry as they observed the chaotic state the town was in. They both knew exactly who the responsible for that was, as while they were replacing Discord on the royal gardens, they noticed that another statue was missing. Their fears were confirmed when they received a letter from Spike telling about what was happening in Ponyville.
"Sister, dost thou think he's doing this to Ponyville as some sort of revenge?" Luna asked her big sister. "Or that maybe he knows that Ponyville is where the Elements of Harmony live?"
Celestia closed her eyes and shook her head. "I don't know, Luna. His motives for causing Chaos are unknown even to me, but one thing is certain: He appears to be more powerful than Discord, even if he's not as smart, and that makes him truly dangerous."
"So we'll have to go confront him ourselves?"
"I believe so, yes."
Despite herself, Luna couldn't stop the giddy smile that was forming on her face. "I'll go put my armor on!"
Celestia looked at her sister as she dashed out of the balcony. After spending so much time observing the peaceful land that Equestria had become, Luna started missing her time as a warrior princess, and took every excuse she could to go back to the battlefield. The solar princess took one more look at Ponyville and turned to go put her armor too. They couldn't afford to let the creature loose, after all, he is Discord's son...
It read in big, bold and blinking letters. (So much B...) Screwball stared at the text for some seconds before looking at Random, who had a silly smile on his face.
"So... This is...?" She asked him.
"Screwball, what you see now is the start-" He snorted a little at that. "-of the second most chaotic thing to ever exist: Video Games!" He said extending his arms to his sides.
"What's the first?"
Random had an extremely (silly) serious expression on his face. "You don't want to know..."
"But why are Video Games so chaotic?" She looked curiously around.
"Pfft, have you ever played those things? The physics in some games make no sense at all! I'm starting to suspect that dad was the one to create them. I mean, a hedgehog drowning underwater? A robot that doesn't go into short circuit if he is wet? Haha, they are my favorite games."
"Oh, I see! So now you turned the whole place in a Video Game?"
"Yeah! And here comes the hedgehog I mentioned!" Random said pointing at a bipedal blue hedgehog who had red and white shoes and green eyes. The hedgehog paused before giving the siblings a thumbs up.
"Sonic's the name, speed is my game!" He said in a clearly male voice before taking off running at impressive speeds.
Screwball's eyes lit up in amazement and she looked at Random with a big smile on her face.
"I wanna play!"
"But of course." Random said in a fake French accent, before laughing and pressing 'Start'.
Twilight was panicking. Not pig soup-rice.{1} She looked around at what appeared to be a normal Ponyville, but there were strange creatures running around. She could swear she even heard one of them shout 'Mamamia!' when it ran face-first in what appeared to be a giant green pipe. All of them were shocked at the changes.
"Weeee!!"
Well, almost all of them. The five ponies and one dragon looked down at a little highway circuit on the ground. You heard it right, it was a miniature version of a circular highway, in which eight miniature karts were racing. Of which one was absolutely pink like it's occupant. Pinkie Pie had somehow shrunk to the size of the karts and was now having lots of fun racing against the other karts.
Anypony that happened upon them at that time would swear that there was an audible crashing sound as Twilight's mind broke. Trying to not damage the miniature highway, Twilight leaned down to speak with her tiny friend.
"Pinkie?"
Said pony stopped out of the way of the other karts and when she spoke it was actually loud enough for everypony (and dragon) to hear, like she was still her normal size.
"Yes, Twilight?"
"Care to explain why you're so tiny?" By now, one of Twilight's eyes was twitching slightly at the impossibility in front of her eyes.
"Well, duh! If I wasn't tiny to play the game, then it wouldn't be a 'minigame' would it?" Pinkie explained in a matter-of-fact tone.
Pinkie.
"Yyyyeeeeessssss?" Pinkie said sweetly to the sky.
...Did you steal my jokes?
"Nnnnnnnnnooooooo..." A guilty smile was on her face now.
Pinkie. Give me my jokes back.
"Oh fine, party pooper." Pinkie pouted as she walked a little ways away and put one hoof to her mouth, blowing on it and somehow growing back to her normal size. She then reached into her mane and pulled out a book that said "Jokes" on the cover and threw it upwards, much to Twilight's horror. To everyone's surprise, the book didn't fell back down, but continued going up and up and up until it disappeared on the sky.
Thank you. Now go back to the story.
"Okey dokey!"
Rainbow Dash sighed and rubbed her forehead with a hoof. "Pinkie Pie... You're so random."
Meanwhile, a little ways away from the mane six, a certain chaos being sneezed.
"Ah'm not sure Ah'll ever understand that girl, but that's not important right now. Twilight, what the hay do we do?" Applejack said, turning to supposed leader of the mane six.
Twilight shook herself out of her Pinkie-induced stupor at the question. "The princesses! Surely they already know what's happening and are coming to help, we just gotta confront that creature until they get here!"
"Um, I'm not sure Twilight..." Came Fluttershy's voice (more like whisper). "Last time we tried that, Discord separated and changed us... What if that is him again! Ooh, I'm so scared!" She squeaked before diving behind Applejack's flank again (Not in that sense, you perverts).
"Landsakes, mah flank is not that big!" Applejack exclaimed indignantly. Rarity was having trouble containing her giggles.
"Well Applejack, you have to admit that-"
"Ah swear Rares, if ya finish that sentence Ah'll smudge mud all over yer prissy face!"
Rarity didn't say anything, but she didn't stop giggling either when Pinkie decided to join Fluttershy on her hiding spot.
"Girls, focus! We don't have time to ponder if Applejack's flank is big enough to hide us all or not!" Twilight almost shouted in frustration, getting a indignant 'Hey!' from the mentioned farmer pony. "We're going to go confront that creature until the princesses get there!"
As she said that, a small blue robot floated down from somewhere to hover besides her.
"You got: Frustration!"
Twilight's eye started violently twitching again as she walked past the robot towards the direction that Random had gone. The others, not sure on what to do, followed after her.
Random finally finished his incredible masterpiece. With this, he would be unstoppable! He would have no limitations! No fear! And most importantly, rainbows wouldn't scare him anymore!
While Screwball played some "games" around, he had summoned a workbench and got to work on something to help him with his fear. He spent a long time (five minutes) doing that, and it was finally ready. Screwball had noticed it and after jumping on another turtle, approached him.
"Hey Random, what do you got there?"
He took off his goggles and looked at her before lifting his masterpiece over his head proudly, like the incredible achievement that it was.
"This, Screwy, is what's going to help me rid myself of my fear of rainbows!" Random then put it on. He adjusted the glasses. Yep, it looked like a simple pair of glasses. "With this on, rainbows and rainbow-colored things will seem only a single color to me! Hahahaha, I'm a genius!" Random then started laughing madly, like a mad scientist that has just created a Frankenstein. Screwball joined on his laughter, because she too thought it was brilliant.
It was to this scene that the mane six arrived, the two chaotic siblings laughing like crazy over a pair of glasses. Pinkie, of course, walked up to them and joined in the laughter, she didn't know why they were laughing, but it seemed to be a happy laugh, and she loved happy laughs!
The rest of the mane six just stared at them. After having calmed down, Random and Screwball finally noticed Pinkie.
"Hello again, Pink One! Did you come to apologize?" Random asked Pinkie, who tilted her head in confusion.
"Apologize? But what did I do?"
"You see, you and your friends put my dad in stone again before I could see him. It's been a long time since we talked, and I wanted to spend some time with him again, you know?"
"Stone?" Pinkie then gasped and spoke in one breath. "OhmygoshareyouDiscord'sson!?"
"IndeedIambutlet'snotspeaklikethisI'mstillrecoveringfrommytimeinstone!" Random answered equally in one breath.
"Okie Dokie! Sorry about having to put your dad in stone again, but he was going to make everypony sad with eternal chaos, and I don't like seeing sad ponies."
Random patted the pink pony on the head in understanding. "I know how that is, but I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad. I mean, with eternal chaos, we could have chocolate rain any time we wanted!"
"I know, right!? It was what I said when we first came to stop Discord!"
"Hmm..." Random scratched his chin, deep in thought before looking at his little sister. "Screwball, are you sure she's not our mom or something? She seems to think like us."
Screwball shrugged as Pinkie giggle-snorted. "Silly! I'm too young to be somepony's mommy! But I can be your Auntie Pinkie if you want!"
"I'll think about it." Random said with a smile. Twilight finally had enough of the interaction before her and yanked Pinkie backwards with her magic, the party pony sliding to a stop besides her.
"Pinkie, what are you doing!? We don't know what that... Thing is capable of! Don't do that again!"
"Aww, but I want to be his friend!"
Twilight massaged her temples with her hooves. "I don't have time for this..." Turning back to look at Random, who she noticed was wearing glasses now and was sitting on a floating chair with Screwball on his lap as he petted her with one hand like a cat.
Twilight took a deep breath to calm down her nerves and stepped forward with a firm look on her face. "Creature! Teel me who are you and I also demand that you stop spreading chaos!"
Twilight frowned a little as she heard herself speaking, it sounded like something from one of those comics that Spike reads. She was brought out of her thoughts by Random, who started chuckling.
"You heroes are all the same. You come to the villain and demands that they stop being evil. In my opinion, that's like demanding that water stop being wet. You think that just because you're 'important', you can go around and decide who started being evil. Evil is relative, my dear. What is evil to you, is entertainment for another. You think that just because we do what we want, you have a right to demand us to stop. With that said, I am Random Oddball, and I refuse to stop!"
The ponies and dragon had to admit that his small monologue made a little sense, and that it was a little impressive. But apparently somepony had a different opinion.
Namely, a black Pegasus stallion with a black and white mane styled like that of Vinyl Scratch. He seemed to have no cutie mark, but that wasn't what caught everypony's (do I have to mention dragon as well?) attention. It was his eyes. They were of a crimson red color, and his pupils seemed to be a darker shade of red. Also, he was speaking to Random.
"No no no! Your line was supposed to be 'I refuse to acknowledge that order!' Why did you go and change it!?"
Random rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry, but the 'acknowledge' part doesn't sound that good..."
The stallion facehoofed and started walking back to a chair that happened to be close by, and sat down. "Whatever. Let's just continue."
A small grey bat pony filly stood by his side, pouting. She had a two tone blue mane and dark red eyes that for some reason weren't slits. She was also wearing glasses.{2}
"Why do I have to be here, as your assistant nonetheless?" She asked the stallion while holding a glass of water to him, which he took and thanked her for it.
"Because you're cute enough to deserve an appearance in my other stories."
"I'm not cute!"
"Whatever you say. Where were we... Ah, yes! Scene two, take two, action!"
And then it was like the stallion and the filly were never there. Seriously, they just... Vanished. For the sake of her sanity (or what was left of it, anyway), Twilight decided to not question what just happened, instead turning her attention to Random.
"You can't keep spreading chaos! It's not right-" She tried to reason before Random interrupted her by banging his first on the arm of the chair.
"Silence! You come to my presence, trying to tell me what's right and what's not after what you have done!? What kind of hypocrites are you!?" He said with eyes narrowed.
Twilight was taken aback by his exclamation. "W-what are you talking about?"
Random closed his eyes and resumed petting Screwball. Gone was the playful and happy air around him, replaced by that of a bitter, exhausted man who has lived for too long. "You don't know what it's like to be trapped during a thousand years in stone. To see the time pass, to FEEL the time pass, but not going with it, instead being left behind."
He opened his eyes and looked at the ponies and dragon, who shivered at the look of those eyes.
"I have gone insane. And then I became sane again. But then I became bored of sanity, and gave in to insanity once more. I looked into the Void and saw things. Fascinating things. Terrible things. The old me, the one human from earth, died during these years, and I am what's left. And who's to blame for that? Your 'princesses'."
"Now hold on a second!" Rainbow spoke up defiantly. "It's not the princess' fault that you-"
"What? That I am different? That I am not a pony!? News flash, Skittles, back in that time, your princesses despised everything that wasn't a pony, even more so beings that weren't 'harmonic' as she said it. What do you think was the real reason for Nightmare Moon's banishment? Ol' Celly couldn't have a 'dark and disharmonic' being related to her. She was a tyrant disguised as a princess. She didn't deserve that crown!"
Random paused to take a deep breath and calm down, somewhere during that he had begun to shout, and Screwball was looking worriedly at him.
"They deserve all the supposed 'evil' in the world to come show them the errors of their ways." He resumed petting Screwball as everyone fell into a stunned silence. Were his words true? If yes, wouldn't that make the princesses the villains?
They looked back at Random, but he was back to smiling like a fool.
"With that out of the way, who wants to play a game? The last players have just arrived." Random said and held out a hand, where a floating box appeared with text in it.
Sunbutt joined the game Moonflank joined the game
As everyone started at the box, Random looked at them all with a raised eyebrow.
"...I can get gamer names for you all if you want."
{1} Guess from where that phrase is. {2} Yep, these two are me in my pony form, and Blaze, from my other story.
It took the ponies and dragon an entire minute to notice that Random was substituted by a cardboard cutout of himself.
"MeeM!" It said. Pinkie burst out laughing again, much to everyone's confusion. For the sake of what was left of their sanity, they decided to not question their pink friend.
"Now where did that varmit run off to?" Applejack asked, not having taken her eyes out of the cardboard cutout. At that moment they heard panting from behind them and turned to see Random hunched over and gasping for air as if he had probably ran a marathon.
"Sorry, I'm late! I slept too much, but it's the Author's fault!"
Do not blame me. The day I decide to continue the story and you sleep too much. I had nothing to do with that.
"It's been more than half an year! You should have paid more attention to me than the others!"
Don't let them hear you say that. You're the oldest of them, so you should know better than that.
"Yeah yeah, sorry. What's with the constant picture change anyway? Settled down for good this time?"
…I hope so. No go back to the story.
"Alright."
Random walked over to the cardboard cutout of himself. "MeeM!" It said again. Random picked it up and threw it away in the distance, where an explosion happened. He turned back to the ponies who were staring at him with looks of confusion. He shrugged before looking around.
"Screwy, where are you?"
A window appeared in midair besides him, which opened and revealed Screwball looking out of it.
"Oh, the story is finally back? Great!" She jumped out of the window, which closed and disappeared behind her and landed on Random's waiting arms. He summoned his reclining throne (an idea he had while away) and sat down on it, going back to petting Screwball.
"Where have you been anyway?" He asked.
"Oh, it's a place where a lot of different versions of me found to spend the time while we wait for the authors to release a new chapter on our stories! Can you believe one of them told me she was a human like you before!?{1} She had such cool ideas for Chaos too! I wish I could visit her sometime."
Random nodded at that. "We'll see what we can do later. Now where were we... Ah yes!" He turned back to the mane 6. "We were about to play a game! But seriously, why don't you choose a gaming name? I myself am Cha0s Heir." He then leaned down and whispered to them. "The 'o' is a zero by the way."
"Oh oh, and I am Chaotic Princess! Nopony used that one, so I saw no harm." Screwball beamed at the mane six. I wonder why I still keep specifying who is talking to who. I mean, if you are reading this, then it should be obvious, right? It's not like there's no name in the sentences, like some people make to leave us guessing, going into unnecessary tangents THAT PREVENT US FROM ENJOYING THE REAL STORY AND-
"OH, COME ON!!!" Sweetie Belle shouted from somewhere. Ahem. Back to the story. The ponies, Rarity most of all, looked around in confusion.
"Was that Sweetie Belle?" She asked. The others made a noise in agreement while looking around. Twilight herself was doing the breathing exercise she learned with somepony who will be mentioned in the future. I'm so evil. Mwahaha. Anyways. They decided to ignore that and looked back at Random, who had at some point grown a long white beard while he blew on a bubble pipe.
"I'm getting too old to wait for your response. You teenagers have no respect for your elders!" He shook his pipe angrily at them, like a real old man. "In my time, the youth would not waste time with these knick knacks you have today, and we would share stories of our time in the straw war while they listened intently..." The ponies blinked, some of them even feeling ashamed for some reason while Screwball had stars on her eyes.
"You were part of the Straw War!?" She asked excitedly, to which Random nodded while looking at a floating mirror to shave his beard.
"Why yes. I was on the front lines. Ah, it was a long battle. Good straws were lost that day. We who preferred the looping straws against those who preferred the straight ones that folded at the top. I still remember seeing my allies be buried by mountains of those things. I almost didn't make it out with my straw in one piece. I now have it hung on my wall as proof of that war." He told her while the ponies were imagining a war with straws as weapons.
"And who won?"
"Ah, it ended in a draw. So, to prevent future wars we signed a treaty of non-agression towards each other, and have lived with it ever since." He stood with a proud smile. "And then, ever since lots of people get together to enjoy their drinks with the straws it's called a Cafeteria!" He then stroked his now shaved chin for a moment and added. "Unless it's a Lunch Bay!"
By now, the mane six were utterly lost. Except for Pinkie. But Pinkie is Pinkie. So it is common. She even had a milkshake which she was drinking with a loopy straw. Screwball had one too. The others were having a reeeealy hard time trying to think if they were related. It could be possible Pinkie had a little sister that she didn't know about. The ponies shuddered at the thought. Nothanks, one Pinkie was enough. But looking at Random and Screwball, they came to a terrible, horrible realization: they now had THREE Pinkies! The world as we know it is doomed. Meanwhile, Random looked down to the ground and spotted a shiny coin.
"Ooh, my lucky day!"
He bent down to pick it up, just in time for a blue beam of magic to fly past where his head was a moment ago. The ponies stood there slack jawed before glancing at the source of the beam, seeing Princess Luna curse silently to herself as she came for a landing, decked head to hoof in her battle armor.
"What are you looking at?" Random asked and directed his gaze to Luna who stood glaring at him as Celestia landed, also in her armor.
Random smiled. But said smile didn't reach his eyes. The entire atmosphere around him changed drastically, and the ponies could see subtle changes in him, like the twitch of his fingers, the trembling in his right hand, but not of fear, no, it was a tremble of pure rage trying to be contained. And his smile. While still as wide as ever, it now had a cold undertone to it, like a promise of vengeance. It was the smile of someone ready to lash out at his enemies. But worst of all were his eyes. Eyes that first were of a silly and joyful man, with promised fun for everyone around him, were now eyes of a vengeful man, promising nothing more than pain and suffering to all those who dared wrong him. The ponies stepped back in surprise while Screwball herself slowly floated behind a tree.
"So," The mane six visibly shuddered at Random's tone. "I see you haven't changed anything. You still attack others from behind. You are still the same tyrants I had the displeasure to meet back then. Do you still hide behind a mask? Do you still act like you are better than other races? You two hypocrites..."
While Celestia still had a emotionless mask on, Luna was visibly gritting her teeth at the accusations. Not because he was lying, but because he was telling the absolute truth. Back then, they were tyrants who thought of the ponies as the superior race and that the other races should bow to them. They thought of themselves as goddesses. And it was that arrogance that led to many of the wars that ponykind took part on. She knew it was all true. But it was what Random said next that truly pushed her over the top.
"And you even treated your fellow ponies badly. The Thestrals were a nice race of ponies. They were the ones who were true ponies because they didn't treat the other races the same way you did. But now they are almost gone. Why? Because of your sister seeing them as 'impure' and you turning a blind eye to that. I hope you are proud of yourselves." THAT got a reaction out of Celestia, who visibly tightened her jaw. Luna however, threw herself at Random while yelling in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"BE SILENT!!! THOU KNOWS NOTHING!!! WE SHALL RID THE WORLD OF THINE CHAOTIC INFLUENCE!!!"
Random merely chuckled and backhanded her as she got close, sending her sliding backwards to her sister. Everypony, Celestia and Luna included, gasped at that. How could Random be so strong, to the point of a simple backhand throw a full grown Alicorn backwards!? Luna rubbed her now stinging cheek and growled. Celestia meanwhile, discreetly levitated the Elements Of Harmony to the mane six. The plan was clear. She and Luna would distract Random, giving them time to use the Elements. Looking back at Random, they saw him exchanging punches and kicks with Luna, his body twisting this way and that like rubber to help him dodge. They couldn't believe their eyes, how could someone like him be that experienced in fighting, against an Alicorn nonetheless!? Celestia decided to help her sister by joining the fray, but Random didn't seem bothered. In fact, he was holding his own against both of them perfectly!
Celestia and Luna summoned their weapons to help into the fight, Celestia with her massive Warhammer while Luna brought her Scythe. Random meanwhile, snapped his fingers and a Glaive appeared in his hand, which he used to expertly deflect the blows from the princesses. They were shocked, their weapons are enchanted to help in a fight, yet here was Random, blocking and countering as if it were nothing! Just how experienced was he!? Not only that, he sometimes even let go of the Glaive, which continued to parry the princesses' strikes by itself while he yawned. And throughout that all, the smile never left his face. Twilight and her friends meanwhile had activated the Elements and were ready to fire. Noticing this, the two princesses jumped backwards prompting Random to look at them curiously.
"What are you doing? We are not finished." He said with a frown. Luna just smirked at him.
"Oh, but I believe we are."
"Wha-"
"Random, watch out!"
Random felt himself being pushed out of the way as the massive rainbow beam impacted the area he was before. Seconds later, Screwball's screams filled his ears and he looked up in horror seeing his little sister being struck by the Elements of Harmony. The princesses were in shock too as the filly screamed in pure agony while she took the blast. Meanwhile, inside Random's mind, something snapped. The curtain of insanity that that usually covered his mind slowly lifted as a single emotion made him focus completely.
Pure, unbridled rage.
Random stood back up and snapped his fingers so hard, a literal spark formed. What happened next made both princesses' jaw drop. The spell from the Elements of Harmony SHATTERED, like it was made of glass. That, of course, caused a backlash that blew the mane six backwards as Random walked to Screwball, who now sobbed and whimpered in pain. Random knelt down by her side and gently embraced her, taking note of the stone that now encased her hooves. Channeling his Chaos Magic on his hands, he passed them over the stone, which slowly receded until it disappeared.
And throughout all this, the princesses couldn't seem to manage to move. It was like something invisible was keeping them frozen where they are. It couldn't be magic, as they didn't feel any spell being cast. Random, after speaking some soothing words to Screwball, stood up and turned to the princesses, and they immediately knew why they couldn't move. There was an aura of hate being directed at them from Random. And they knew why.
They hurt somepony he cared about. Now he was going go hurt them.
"You two truly haven't changed over the years..." He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "How many..."
"How many what?" Luna asked tentatively.
"HOW MANY OF THOSE STATUES BACK AT THE GARDEN WERE LIVING BEINGS ONCE!?!?" He shouted, mostly towards Celestia, who stepped back in shock.
"H-how- I m-mean, what a-are you talking about!?" She stuttered out.
However, that was enough of an answer as Random made a disgusted face. "I can't believe you both..." He looked towards the mane six, who were groaning on the ground a few feet away. "And you even passed on your sick ideals to these six? You are despicable."
Random sighed. This brief lapse into sanity has just showed him why he gave into insanity all those years ago. Real Life is a cruel mistress, but now that he could essentially give the middle finger to almost all rules of the universe, he decided to escape to his own little world into his mind, and welcomed insanity even before he came to this world.
Lifting his hand towards the groaning mares, it began to glow with multiple colors. "You six are partially innocent in this. I say partially because you still hurt Screwball, but I won't fully blame you because your ideals were poisoned by your rulers. It's as my grandmother once said, 'Sometimes you can't blame a nation for their actions, but their rulers'. However, I think I will keep these with me for the time being." The Elements then floated off their collars and tiara, and began orbiting his glowing hand.
"How are you doing that!?" Celestia asked in shock. "Only the bearers can manipulate the Elements! You are a Chaos Being, how can you use Harmonic Magic!?"
Random tsk tsked at her. "My dear Sunbutt, even in insanity I knew this, and you didn't? Shame on you. You ever asked yourself just what is Harmonic Magic? It isn't only ONE type of magic. It comes from mixing equal quantities of Chaos and Order magic, and keep them in harmony with each other. You never used the Elements of Harmony the right way, is what I noticed. You basically forced the Elements to activate, that's why you had to say bye-bye to dear Moonflank for a thousand years back then. Yes, I can manipulate the Elements, but not because I can use Order Magic to make Harmonic Magic."
The mane six, who had just stood there listening ever since he took the Elements, were completely dumbfounded by his knowledge. And to think this is the same guy who was laughing like a fool not some minutes ago... How he knew all that about the elements was anyone's guess. It was Twilight who stepped forward to ask the question that was in everypony's mind.
"Then how-"
"-am I doing this, you're gonna ask?" Random interrupted and chuckled. "Just a little something I tried back then." He held his glowing hand up as the Elements gently circled around it. "What you are seeing ladies, is Reverse Chaos Magic. I would love to explain, but I'm not in the mood to." He shrugged at their looks of disbelief. He then finally turned back to the princesses. Yes, he wanted to punish them, make them suffer. But he wasn't that kind of person. Doesn't mean he couldn't at least make them feel some pain as payback. He snapped his fingers to summon of of the weapons he always wanted to try out. Out of thin air in front of him, a menacing animal skull appeared, causing all present to gasp and Fluttershy to faint.
Random pointed the skull in the direction of the princesses, who still couldn't move. "Be thankful I was never one for revenge, otherwise this would be much worse." The Blaster opened it's skeletal maw as energy condensed inside it before firing, hitting both princesses with a white beam. As they screamed in pain and their armor dented and cracked in some places, Random commanded the Gaster Blaster to stop firing and snapped his fingers, dismissing it. Celestia and Luna had burn marks scattered all over their bodies as the lay on the ground, barely awake, but alive. Their armors, which enchantments were supposed to prevent being damaged even by the flames of a dragon, was now falling apart, and even melted in some places.
Random approached them and knelt down, the Elements vanishing into his hand somehow. "Now, that wasn't a strong blast. You two should recover when you eat something." He spoke with a hard face. "Remember, you brought this upon yourselves. I don't want to see you two near me or my sister for the time being. I will however, be willing to listen if you decide to honestly own up to your mistakes against us in the future. Now, away with you!" He snapped his fingers, teleporting them away. In Canterlot Castle, they appeared with a pop, conveniently, into the dining room. The chef there, Golden Spatula, who was cleaning the table from the empty dishes at the moment, jumped back with a yelp and fell on her flank in surprise.
"P-princesses!? What-"
"Please don't ask... And bring us some cake and moonpie please..." Celestia groaned out.
Golden blinked but went to do as told. Certain things were above her pay grade after all, and sometimes, she asked herself if said pay grade was high enough for what she goes through.
Back in Ponyville, the mane six stared at the spot where the princesses were a moment ago, too scared to take any action against Random after his little display.
"Relax." He told them. "I just teleported them back to their castle. They will be fine. Now, about you six..." He trailed off, and the mane six tensed in preparation for an attack. "I want to strike a deal." This confused the ponies. A deal? They were cautious, but curious of this, so Twilight mustered up the courage to step forward.
"What kind of deal?" She asked with some hesitation.
"I will agree to stop causing large amounts of Chaos in your town, if you six promise to not treat me the same way your princesses do. I will, however, still use it in small tricks, pranks, and some other things for reasons that I will explain in the future." He said.
Twilight could agree the deal seemed reasonable. But there was another pressing matter. "But what about the Elements Of Harmony...?"
"Ah, those I will only return to you when you do something to TRULY deserve it back." He said in seriousness.
"But-"
"No butts! You are all naked anyway. You accept the deal, yes or no?" Unsurprisingly, a box appeared in front of Random asking just that, and under it the two buttons labelled 'Yes' or 'No' floated. "Don't take too long to decide, for I want to go back to my sister and my insanity."
Twilight bit her lip and turned to her friends, and they formed a circle to discuss it. What they discussed will not be written because the author is lazy. Finally, she turned back and said two words.
"I accept." And pressed her hoof on the 'Yes' button. The box disappeared and Rand extended his hand to shake her hoof. The moment the two limbs met, however, Twilight felt a current through her body, shocking her and making her mane stand on end. She managed to pry her limb away from Random, who was now on the ground laughing. Showing his hand to them, they saw the small buzzer on his palm.
"This is a classic, and you fell for it, hahaha! You should see your face now!" He laughed for a few more seconds as Twilight stared unamused while fixing her mane with her magic, Rainbow, Pinkie and Applejack snickering in the background. He finally calmed down and stood. "But the deal is made. Keep your end of it..." He snapped his fingers, returning everything to normal. "...That I keep mine."
He then walked to the now asleep Screwball and picked her up. She was snoring cutely, and he almost had a bad case of diabeetus.
"Now, I bid you all, adieu!"
And with that, he let the curtains of insanity lower back on him again. Literally, as a curtain descended between him and the mane six, before poofing away showing that he was gone. The six friends looked at each other and awkwardly said their goodbyes before leaving to their separate homes.
In their minds, they knew one thing: The future is certainly gonna be interesting from now on.
Oh yeah, and Spike was still standing there with a confused expression.
"...I have no idea what happened."
{1} Reference to this awesome fanfic, go give it a read!
In Canterlot, Princess Celestia walked down the path of the Royal Gardens. What Random told her and Luna was true, their wounds started healing as soon as they finished their meal. She paused for a moment to look around at all the statues and let out a sigh, her mind replaying Random's words over and over. She clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to drive away those thoughts, but it was no use. She could almost hear the statues calling out at her, demanding to be released from their prisons.
"Well now Celly, you seem like you have just had a bit of lemon tea and forgot the sugar."
Celestia's eyes snapped open at the voice, and she quickly noticed she had stopped right in front of Discord's statue. Her eyes were wide in surprise, as she clearly heard him speaking. But that's not possible right? The Elements imprisoned him again not long ago. He shouldn't be able to interact with the outside. She was about to dismiss what she heard as her mind playing tricks on her due to her stressed state when she heard him again, and this time she could clearly see the voice was indeed coming from the stone amalgamation she was looking at.
"Now now Celly, I know I'm handsome, but even then I think it's rude to stare, no matter how attractive I may be." He said with a chuckle at the end.
Celestia's mind almost ground to a halt. It took an impressive amount of willpower to keep her composure as she straightened her posture and glared at the stoned Lord Of Chaos.
"Discord. How are you doing this?"
There was a hum from the statue. "To be honest with you, cakebutt, I'm not sure myself. My best guess is that it's thanks to the chaos my boy wrought in the short time he has been free. He makes me so proud I could cry, if statues can cry that is."
Celestia frowned. Both at the news, and the jab at her weight. AGAIN. She was NOT fat, merely had large bones! But that aside, the fact that Discord had an influence on the outside of his prison, as faint as it was, was worrying.
"I don't know what your plan is this time Discord, but the Elements of Harmony will put an end to it! Both you and that creature will be locked away to the ends of time, I assure you!"
And then Discord laughed. It was not a mad laugh, or a laugh of defeat, or even that condescending chuckle he always gave her and her sister. It was long and loud, the kind of laugh one only gives when they were told something, but find it very funny because they knew something the other don't. Celestia actually took a step back, surprised by the action.
"What is so funny, Discord!? Answer me!"
"Oh Tia, Tia, Tia. To think you have not lost that sense of humor of yours, saying that you're gonna lock him away again. It's hilarious!"
Celestia snorted. "Me and Luna did it once. I'm quite confident that the new bearers can do it again, they did defeat you if I'm not mistaken."
"Are you now? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you and moonbutt only got to him because you sneak up on him, did you not?" He took Celestia's silence as his cue to continue. "Second, of course your little lapdogs defeated me. I'm old and not in my prime anymore, I was bound to end up this way again."
"What are you saying Discord?"
"Really Sunbutt, you still haven't caught on?" He chuckled again. "Then let me spell it out to you. Your little ponies won't defeat him, simply because of a simple fact."
Celestia couldn't detect any hint of deceit on his voice, so she asked hesitantly. "And what fact is that?"
You could almost hear the grin on the draconequus voice when he spoke his next sentence.
"Random is more powerful than me."
"Achoo!"
Random sneezed. He and Screwball were at their father's home in the Chaos Dimension, doing a little bit of cleaning, since they weren't sure what season of the year it was, so they couldn't say it was spring cleaning. Screwball looked over, dressed in a cute tiny maid outfit and wearing cat ears. Even her tail was that of a cat, which just made her all the more adorable.
"Too much dust?"
Random, dressed in a fine butler outfit, also sporting cat ears and a tail, waved his hand in dismissal.
"Nah. Someone must be speaking of my magnificent self." He grinned as a trophy fell on his hands, the word Magnificent printed on a little plaque at the bottom. Screwball giggled as they took a moment to survey the state the house was in after their cleaning, and Random took a little checklist.
"Potted plants on the ceiling?"
"Check!"
"Floating couch?"
"Check!"
"Perpetually burning Snowglobe?"
"Check!"
"Dancing carpet?"
"Check!"
"Everything else that we didn't bother including but is some sort of plot device?"
"Check, check and check!"
Random smiled, unzipping his outfit down the middle to show his normal clothes underneath as Screwball simply walked forward, her outfit staying in place floating for a moment without her in it before falling to the ground.
"Excellent! Now, I believe it's time to cause some chaos, but what to do? I did make a deal with those six to not do something extraordinary. Shame, should have made a loophole." He lifted his feet from the ground and sat cross-legged on the air, Screwball taking the opportunity to jump on his lap where she was absently stroked by Random. "What could I do that will bother everypony, but not be too hard to clean up later? I could mess with their houses. Sounds promisor. Maybe the trees too? Hmm." A light bulb appeared above his head and flickered for a moment before lighting up. "Ooh, that's it! I know exactly what to do today!"
Twilight was researching. Nothing new there. What was new was the subject of her research. She was looking for any books that had any information on Random, his origins, his relation to Discord, anything. So far, she had no luck, which was mildly frustrating for the unicorn. It's been almost a day now since their confrontation with the chaotic being, and she was still a little worried about the princesses, even though she received a letter from them telling they were fine, just frustrated that they couldn't beat Random. No, what had her worried was another letter she received earlier from Princess Celestia detailing her little "chat" with Discord. If the Draconequus was to be believed, then Random was certainly stronger than him, which could explain how he stopped the Elements of Harmony after they were already fired.
She was shaken out of her thoughts by the sound of a knock.
"Spike! Can you get that?" She called to her number 1 assistant.
"Sure thing, Twilight." He put the books he was organizing down and walked to the door, opening it. "Good morning. How can I help..." He trailed off, not seeing anypony at the door. So he shrugged and closed it, intent on going back to his chores. However, he was stopped in his tracks.
Knock knock knock knock
Frowning, he opened the door and looked around, seeing nopony. With an annoyed grumble, he slowly closed the door again and took a step away before violently slamming it open and glaring outside, still seeing nopony. He sighed, thinking that the prankster finally went away.
Knock knockknockknockknock knock knock!
Spike screamed in frustration and began beating his claws at the door.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!? WASN'T I OPENING YOU!!!"
Twilight just happened to walk in on that scene.
"Spike! What are you doing!?" She asked as her horn glowed and she levitated the baby dragon away from the door before any damage could be done. Spike looked at her with an almost mad glint in his eyes.
"Twilight! Door! Knocking! Nopony! IT WON'T STOP!!!"
Confused by what he said, she nonetheless brought him close into a hug and stroked his spines in a soothing manner, trying to calm down the door dragon. He hugged her back, taking some deep breaths to calm down. It was such a nice scene to look at, you could almost hear the author D'aww while they wrote. But the author is a bad person, and decided to break that beautiful moment, in a way that me, your poor narrator, had to release a gasp of disbelief.
Said interruption was in the form of a laugh coming from above.
Looking at each other, Twilight and Spike rushed outside to see what made that sound. Looking up, they gasped at what they were seeing.
It had blue feathers covering it's body, with a white belly.
It had yellow feet.
White gloves.
Red hair.
But most importantly...
It was pecking holes in the wood of her tree.
"Oooooh how much wood does the woodpecker peck when the woodpecker peck wood!" It sang.
"MY LIBRARY!!!" Twilight shrieked seeing the state her tree house was in. Holes were pecked on almost all the upper part. Sure, she could close them with a spell later, but still, seeing her home in that state wasn't something pretty.
Random stopped his pecking for a moment to look down at the purple duo. He grinned and flew down to them, landing in front of Twilight and performing a bow.
"I didn't think I would have an audience so soon. But thank you regardless!" He then straightened up and proceeded to turn to Spike and peck him on the head before laughing again and dashing off.
"Ouch! That stings!"
Leaving the pony and dragon behind, Random stopped at one of the houses and pecked a hole in it before pushing his head into it, glancing at the shocked family inside.
"It's me!"
He snickered as the ponies inside screamed and ran out of the house. Straining a little to pull his head free of the hole, he finally managed to do it after a moment, but his head had funnily taken on a cylindrical shape. Shaking his head a little resolved that problem and he took flight again to see what else he could do, spotting Sweet Apple Acres in the distance. Grinning, he flew towards it, almost salivating at the delicious smell of apples that were wafting up to him. Circling around for a moment, he landed at one of the trees closest to the house and started pecking away before the sound of a bark interrupted him. Looking down, he noticed a little brown dog barking up at him continuously. Rubbing his beak for a moment he shrugged and started walking down the tree to see what the fuss was about.
"Ahoy, my fellow animal friend. What seems to be the problem?"
To an outsider's perspective, it would seem crazy to speak so directly to a dog, as the answer was nothing more than barks and growls. To Random however...
"Stop pecking our trees, ya varmit!"
"Aww, she has a country accent. Adorable." He leapt to the side absently as Winona charged him, causing the poor dog to ram headfirst into the tree and slump to the ground, tiny images of Random in his current form flying around her head and chirping.
"Aye, fellas!" Random said to his tiny counterparts.
"Aye Random!" They answered before poofing away as Winona shook her head vigorously.
"Hold still, ya feathered apple tree pecker!" She said and proceeded to charge at Random again, who decided to turn tail and run this time, laughing loudly.
That was just the start of the things he would do in this form.
A week later, we see the mane six together at Sweet Apple Acres, with Twilight being bombarded by concerns from her friends due to the "feathered wood pecker" that has been running around and, well, pecking wood. Sure, no lasting damage was done, as apparently the holes would close by themselves when it was nighttime so ponies wouldn't be cold. It was more of an annoyance, as it certainly made everypony cringe when they saw the wood of their homes or other possessions full of holes, and worse was that nopony managed to even come close to containing him. The punishment for failure were also pecks, usually to the head or muzzle. It certainly made her pull out a few hairs of her mane in frustration, and get a few pecks herself in the process.
So much, that she even lost some nights of sleep trying to find a way, any way to stop the "Woodpecker" as he was nicknamed by the town. Currently, she had heavy bags under her eyes, which were almost all the way closed as she held a steaming mug of coffee in her magic, taking an occasional sip. She was trying her best to stay awake and listen to her friends, but she just wasn't all there. So much so, that when Random walked by them and waved, she simply offered a "Hello" in answer, before taking another sip of her mug.
...
...
...
She spat her coffee all over Rarity's face, much to the horror of the white unicorn and pointed at Random with wide eyes.
"THERE HE IS!!!"
Random glanced back at them and grinned before taking off running towards the trees with the six ponies right behind him. Arriving in an area of the ochard where the trees where in two perfectly symmetrical rows, he proceeded to peck the shape of doors on them before opening one and entering while the others watched in confusion. Pinkie smiled wide and bounced to one of the doors.
"Oh oh, I love this game! We just have to guess which door he's behind!"
Rainbow looked at her oddly before snorting. "Uh, Pinkie? We kinda saw the door he entered. That's a little obvious if you ask me." She approached said door and opened it. "See-"
She got cut off when she received a jet of water to the face. Pinkie laughed, and the others had to use all their willpower not to burst into giggles too.
"See, Dashie? It wouldn't be fun if we found him right on the start! We gotta search!"
Said that, she proceeded to open the door she was in front of and enter, much to the confusion of the others while Rainbow shook herself dry. Looking between themselves, it was unanimously decided that 'It's Pinkie, don't question it'. So, reluctantly, each one of them chose a door and went in too.
Random opened the door on the last row on the left before looking around, walking up to the second row on the right and knocking on the door before going in. Twilight opened the right door on the middle row and looked around before going back inside. Rarity and Fluttershy opened the first and second doors on the left row, looking at each other before they decided to switch places, closing the doors behind them. The doors on the last row opened as Applejack came out from the right one jumping and bucking, Random riding on her back wearing a cowboy outfit before they vanished in the left door, both closing right after. The left door on the middle row opened and Rainbow was propelled out by another jet of water, before she growled and went to the last row on the right and slammed the door open, dashing inside. A few moments later, the mane six exited from the doors, all of them with their manes ruffled.
"Did anypony catch him?" Twilight asked.
Everypony shook their head, Applejack and Rainbow being the two most disgruntled for obvious reasons. The sound of all the doors opening drew their attention, and as they looked, their jaws dropped as each door was occupied by a clone of Random, who grinned at them.
"Guess who!" They said before laughing and slamming the doors shut in unison.
Twilight's eye twitched at this unbelievable impossibility, her mouth opening and closing like a fish as she tried and failed to form words. Finally, after all this nonsense, her brain gave up.
And she promptly fainted.
While the others tried to make sure their friend was alright, high above the group Screwball sat atop a cloud, recording everything with a camera Random gave her.
