I'm Twilight Sparkle and I've got a story for you if you want to hear it. Its a story of how Ponyville was blown up by one mare and her cupcakes. The reasons why and even a little bit of story about myself. I don't get a lot of time to tell you the story so it will take a few visits, but trust me it will be worth it.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. That was the sound the little clock made as it ticked closer and closer to its appointed ringing time. The brief flourish of a fluffy pink mane being seen just for a moment before disappearing into the night. No pony would believe my story, but maybe you will hear me out and believe me when I say that I saw Pinkie Pie in all her awkward graces and silliness do this thing. My name is Twilight Sparkle and this the story of how one crazy mare turned a town into a wasteland. It all started after we had returned from bringing Applejack back to Ponyville. It was a day like most others, we laughed and loved with the occasional pestering from Rarity or the showy antics of Rainbow Dash. Par for course during any run of the mill week in Ponyville. It was when night came that things got a little out of hand.
“Pinkie, dahling, you can't go on like this! You simply mustn't go on in such a manner!”, the voice of our fair fashionista Rarity came in a wave of displeasure. It had been a long time in coming I guess now that I think of it. “You're overreacting Rarity! I'm a professional, hoof-trained to make cakes, pies, and use canons. So what's wrong with mixing my skills together huh?”, the pink mare said as she bounced around the dismayed Rarity. Pinkie was as she said, hoof-trained in all those things and more. One does not simply become the best party pony in town, possibly Equestria without getting training in some distinct arts. In truth Pinkie had enough skill to be a near master baker or a near unstoppable war mare. She was weird like that, a gift of her upbringing. I'm not a pony to who takes others for granted save for my number one assistant Spike. He was easy to take for granted as I had always been with him and he had always serviced my eccentricity with a stoicism that was well beyond his young dragonling age. Yet, this story isn't about me or him.
“Look Pinkie dear, it is not my intention to stop you, but making exploding cupcakes is a fools errand.”, I heard Rarity say her manner of speech so thick and proper. I hated her secretly for it, but not a true hate. The hate a friend speaks when they admire and envy the skill of someone close to them. She was dignified and regal like a member of the Canterlot Inner Circle. What she lacked in serviceable hoof-power she made up for by being ever the shining beacon of poise, posture, and grace. Ever the fair princess Rarity. “It is not a foal's errands, silly! I'm not gonna even let the kids help because that would be like supermegaultradeluxecakebatter dangerous!”, Pinkie replied in her usual way of speaking and mishearing. I could not tell if she did that on purpose or was her natural way. I realize now that I understood so little of my pink friend. Rarity heaved her delicate sigh of exasperation and laid a pristine white hoof across her face. “Just do whatever you want, Pinkie. Just do whatever it is you want, but not in my kitchen. I've just had it remodeled and I'll not have you ruin it with your crazy idea. I'll keep your plan a secret till you say other wise.”, the white unicorn said to which Pinkie's head wagged in excited acceptance.
I feel as if I'm leaving something out of my story. I can tell by the look on your face that you are confused as to how I heard all of this? Right, well I'll tell you why I know all of this. I had a date I was going to. Hey, don't laugh! Just because I read and spend all day with my friends on whacky adventures doesn't mean I don't do other stuff sometimes! I was going to see Filithy Rich, he had just separated from his wife and it turns out we have a scary amount of things in common. Except for the wealthy part. We both loved books and had connections that mirrored each others and intermingled. That's not important though. As I was trying to say, I was on my way to my date. I just happened to be passing by when I heard Rarity's voice in the distance. I rushed towards them to see what was going on, but when I was close enough to get the full conversation I could tell it was a private affair. There were stacked hay bundles for me to hide behind. I just got lucky I guess that Pinkie's extraordinary Pinkie Sense didn't perceive me as a threat to her plans or maybe she wasn't concerned about who knew at that moment. I don't know.
At any rate I wasn't sure if I needed to intervene and so I went on to my date. By the way, the date went well, but it was sadly the first and last. The bitch came back. It was quiet for about a week and then one morning the town was racked with a ground tremor that tossed Spike and I from our beds. This was the first incident. As I checked on Spike to make sure he wasn't hurt and thankfully he was fairing better than I. He had nary a scratch while I had a small bruise around my horn. As I descended the stairs the Library door burst open and the sight of a bewildered Applejack was standing in the door way.
“Twi, you gotta come with me! Something awful has happened to Rainbow Dash and Derpy down at Town hall!”, she shouted at me. Her southern drawl tinged with a seed of terror. I ran down the stairs and followed the tan mare. “What's happened to Dash and Derpy, AJ?”, I called out as we charged off into the direction of the Town Hall. “It's bad Twilight! There's been an explosion and Derpy was on cloud duty with Dash and they were caught in it!”, the farm pony said as the scene came into view.
The Town Hall was reduced from a tall semi-ornate wooden structure used by Mayor Mare as meeting hall and office. It was now a smokey, frosting covered set of splintered on the ground. I could a cyan-pegasus laying unconscious on a gurney being loaded into am ambulance while miraculously Derpy had fared much better eyes straight for once. “What happened Derpy?” I asked her softly as looked around the scene of destruction at which the whole of Ponyville save a few where crowding in to see. “I just don't know what went wrong. Me and Rainbow Dash were clearing sky when there was this rumbling sound from the Town Hall. I went to look for the sound and then there was a flash of light. Dash must have slammed into me to get me outta the way cause I was knocked away from the light from the side. Then the whole building just went up in a gooey frosting explosion.”, the grey pegasus recounted as she held her side where there was a near perfect imprint of Dash crinkled face proving her story true. I was taken back by what had just been said at that point. I swooned a bit, but Applejack propped me up. Pinkie had really done it. She had made exploding cupcakes and unleashed the on the town proper. But why! What would happen next I didn't know, but for some reason I couldn't say anything of what I knew just yet. Looks like our time is up for today, I'll tell you more then.
You came back right on time. I'm a pretty serious pony when it comes to being on time. Though most ponies don't share my feelings about that. What are you looking at? My mane? Oh, its nice right? One of the girls here wouldn't leave me alone until I let her style it. Now I have a pesky long braid and curled bangs. In short, I look terrible, but enough about my hair problems. You're here for the story and luckily there is more to tell. Now, I can't say for certain that all the facts of this part of the story are correct. Suffice it to say I was considerably stressed out at the thought of a friend being in the hospital at the actions of another.
After the town hall was cupcaked into little more than ragged splinters and Rainbow Dash carted off to the local hospital things got a bit out of hand. If Pinkie was known for anything is that no matter how random she may appear to be she had a theme that arched over all her actions. So it wasn't exactly a secret of whom the culprit was. The problem came when it came time to actually do something about it. Pinkie Pie was a mare of considerable standing purely by virtue of her popularity. Children loved her, everyone knew her, and she knew everything about everyone. The same attention to detail that made her exceedingly great at throwing parties also made gave her an unlikely boon. It was couple of long days of town meetings before anyone even wanted to think about doing anything. Some just said it was Pinkie being Pinkie while others were less inclined to let her go without being chastised. At least, that is what Applejack told me. I had taken up a bedside vigil while Rainbow Dash was in the hospital. In true Dash fashion she had done more damage to herself than the cupcake bomb did. Plowing into Derpy to get the peasus away from the blast had knocked her unconscious and broke her nose. Though she was too close for comfort, the explosion gave her more bruises that actual lasting injuries. She'd have a scar though.
“It's cool, Twilight. Besides, all the awesome heroes have scars.”, the wily pegasus reassured me as I sat with her. “Also, who doesn't dig scars? I mean pegasi will be lining up at my door to get a piece of me now that I got a hero scar! So don't sweat it girl.”, she said which turned out not to be as preposterous as it sounded. She already had the nurses quite caught though she wasn't into mares very much. Or was she? Dash is a very hard read and understandably so considering us mares outnumber you colts statistically. I read in a book that by Griffin standards pony society is very progressive favoring females over males. I'll take that scowl as a sign that I am getting off track? Yes? Yes. Well, to make a long story short Dash had taken a high yield blast and lived to tell the tale. Tell it she did as I left the hospital to see the town sans town hall going about its regular business. Derpy was even delivering the mail in her comically terrible fashion. It was the first time I had noticed that Ponyville was like that. A great and horrible event happens and the townsponies just bounce back to their routine.
Though I could see that the town was not quite back to business as usual when Pinkie Pie came trotting down the street huge grin on her face. That wide shiny smile as she bounced hither and thither like she owned the place. Everyone on the street greeted her like always, but they shook while they did it. Carrot Top knocked over her stand and Rose in all her fainting glory did just that. I swear that mare was half fainting goat! She fainted all the time! Usually after screaming “The Horror! The Horror!”, but that day it was just a faint. Even Mayor Mare greeted the town party planner cordially, but she had a tinge of anger in her eyes. As I would come to find out later the mayor lost some personal items of great importance during the blast. Pinkie being her cheerful self replied eagerly and sometimes nearly breaking into song. She was exuberant on that day! It was as if she had mastered so great meaning of life.
Huh? What do you mean I'm making it to dramatic? Its my story and I'll do as I please! Well you didn't complain last visit. Well too bad, cause I'm not changing it. I wrote it out and rehearsed it so changes are out of the question. What? You don't rehearse telling a story to others? Right...It's just something I do apparently. Anyway, moving on. I narrowed my eyes and marched right up to Pinkie Pie and spun her around. “Why'd you do it, Pinkie? Why'd you blow up the Town Hall?”, I asked her straight away which caused the daily street bustle of Ponyville to stop. Pinkie ran a hoof over her fluffy mane pulling into a straight sheet of hair that hung over her right eye and said, “Because I felt like being a bad little pony. You ever feel like that Sparkle flank? Ever want to be a bad little pony with all those books?”, her voice low pitched and cool as ice. For a moment a fell to my haunches and let Pinkie just tower over me with that straight pink mane and I felt myself flush at what she said. I don't even know why I had that response. Pinkie gave her normal smile and shook her mane back to its usually cotton candy fluff and laughed. “Wow Twilight! You look so funny, your face is red like a tomato or maybe an apple. OH! A cherry, definitely a cherry or maybe a beet? You're like all the reds combined Twilight that's so funny! Do you like my bad guy voice, huh huh huh?”, she said bounding around me in a circle a stood. The blush draining from my face once direct eye contact was broken.
What? I do not like that sort of thing! Hey, you don't know me like that and she just caught off guard with stupid voice. You haven't met Pinkie so you don't know what life is like around her. She's crazy by default, but in a good way. Yet, she has this way of looking you in the eyes and making you feel I don't know... Small I think is the best way to describe. It is like she's really two ponies the normal Pinkie we see all the time and then another you only see when she has her eyes on yours. Like the other Pinkie is trying to grope your brain or something. Either way, I was embarrassed and Pinkie was still bouncing around. So I steeled my resolve and grabbed her again and said, “Stop playing games Pinkie and answer me! Why did you blow up town hall, Derpy and Dash got hurt because of it.” To this the she just looked up in the sky and sighed deeply. “I don't have an actual answer for you, silly. I did it because exploding cupcakes are funny. Derpy and Dash weren't supposed to be there, but I think I put the time on upside down. I'll double check it next time Pinkie Promise.”, she said in way that I guess was supposed to make me feel better. She even patted me on the head.
I was stunned to silence. Here she was trying to comfort and reassure me that the NEXT explosion would be done better. Not that she was sorry or that she was gonna stop and seek help, but that she would simply do better. One does not simply recover from words such as those. Luckily, Mayor Mare was there to speak her peace. “Pinkamina Diane Pie.”, she said in a stately manner. “You are one of the Elements of Harmony and one of Ponyville's most influential ponies. What example do you set for others by committing wanton acts of sugary destruction?”, she questioned as if putting Ponyville party pony on trial. Pinkie bounced on to a soap box and cleared her throat. Yes, you heard me a soapbox. We were standing next to Clean Sweep's stall, he sales soap and brooms. As I was saying, she bounced onto a soap box and cleared her throat. “I did what I did for comedy! Ponyville is lovely as are it's citizens and if I, Pinkie Pie, free this town from the clutches of old comedy then it is my duty. Laughter is an explosion of emotion and I am the Element of Laughter. The one charged with laughing in the face of danger.”, she declared in a great oration that even put the mayor's stately voice to shame. “Laughter is an explosion and the way I see it explosions are laughter! Tell me Ponyville do you want Laughter?”, she cried out to which the gathering crowd shouted, “YES!”.
Mayor Mare was flustered, not so easily swayed by the rich words of the mare whom blew up her prize collection of Stallion's Weekly. No, she would be having none the pink bomber's games, but sadly the town was entranced. “Then I ask that you let me blow up Ponyville for the sake of your Laughter! Let sugary smoke and frosting streak the town with chortles and guffaws.”, she asked reaching out a hoof that made the crowd reach theirs toward her. This was madness of the highest order. Can you believe that? Well, at least you're willing to entertain the possibility. Mayor Mare stamped off to who knows where, but she shot me a sour look over her shoulder that said I was responsible for this crazy pony. It is not the first time she's done that in truth. So I did the only thing I knew to do besides spearing Pinkie like a whale with my horn. I wrote the Princess a letter asking for her assistance, but in all her glory she only replied with a suggestion I'd rather not elaborate on. As long as I have studied under Princess Celestia she has always had an oddity about her ways of helping someone. One time, I couldn't understand how teleportation magic worked and so she offered to give me a special lesson. She nudged me off the balcony of her study. It helped to be sure, but now I have a phobia of being gently shoved off high places. Other times she just gives you an answer that seems completely unnecessary or lewd.
Back to the story. So the Princess was no help, Mayor Mare was pissed, the townsponies were duped, and Rarity seemed oddly perky. Well more perky than usual I guess. I love Rarity, you'll never find a greater friend who will give you the saddle off her back and then re-style just for you in the same instant. She can be a handful though, which was expected of someone like her. I knew she had known at least that Pinkie was making these exploding cupcakes and had chosen to keep it a secret. Pinkie Promise or not I wanted that mare to give me some answers! So I went to her boutique and barged right in. “Why if it isn't my marvelously bookish friend, Twilight! Come in dear you just have to let me get you into this gown I'm styling for Sapphire Shores. It can be our little secret.”, Rarity said as I came into the shop. I wish I could tell you that I made some sort of uproar about not being distracted from my mission. I can't so I won't. I let that fashion pony literally SEW me into the custom order gown she made for Shores! Why are you laughing?! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and who else can say they got into Sapphire Shores frock? You sure can't, but I can! I enjoyed every minute of it, but then I actually got to business.
“Rarity I heard you and Pinkie talking the night I had my date with Filithy Rich.”, I said to her as she was busy trying to get the snug fitting garment off me. “Oh, dahling tell me how did your date go?”, she replied completely tuning out the part that mattered. By the way, Filthy Rich kicked his wife out. So back in there. “Don't play coy with me you marshmallow. I heard to and Pinkie talking about exploding cupcakes.”, I told her trying to get forceful. The only thing I got was a swift jab with a sewing needle. “Tell me about your date, sweetie!”, Rarity continued while I had to keep from toppling over. Rarity's a tricky one, she knows all the tender spots on the equine body from all the dress making. So questioning her while she could prick me might have been a less than favorable decision. “Damn it, Rarity! He said we could still be friends and start that book club, but his wife was coming back! Now answer me! What do you know about Pinkie Pie and the cupcakes?!”, I yelled at her. You should have seen me, half dressed and red faced. That walking fashion marshmallow of a pony jabbed me again, but this time really dug the needle in. I gasped and lost all ability to stand upright. “Pinkie told me she was going to make cupcakes that were packed with flavor. Flavor and the necessary components for an explosion.”, she said casually as she pulled the pin away and stripped me of the gown. All I could do was try not to pass out from the sharp pain in my side. “Why did you stab me so deep?”, I remember murmuring to her as she trotted away with the garment. “That was for screaming at me. Dahling you know I get nervous when somepony screams at me. Also for not snagging yourself that rich stallion! I told you that book talk wasn't going to keep him, you needed to give him 'that'.”
When I was finally able to get back to my hooves. Rarity was just laying on her sofa, sipping tea and watching me. I have to admit it was creepy, like she was sizing me up. “Twilight, I'm going to tell you this for your own good. Pinkie Pie isn't like us other ponies and you should know that by now. She came from a rock farm of which there are few. That alone just screams danger in a can, dahling. Let Pinkie do as she pleases. It is for the best unless you want to get hurt.”, she told me as if she were suddenly made of so much ice. Just as I was about to question her lack of caring a sharp blast came from outside and Applejack flew through the boutique's picture window. “Applejack are you ok?!”, I screamed as I rushed to her side. She was worse for wear, yet surprisingly still conscious. That girl is as tough as nails. “Tried...to stop..Pinkie. Blew up barn with apple cupcakes. Was pretty funny, but I just had to try and stop her. Watch out Twi, she's dangerous if you try to stop her.”, she carried on before finally passing out. Needless to say, I was shocked. Rarity on the other hand was still just laying on her sofa sipping her tea. “Talk about eye candy. I dare say I like Applejack when she's laying on my floor like that. She looks positively vulnerable.”, she said with a wicked grin creeping across her lips.
Just to mention this quickly, Rarity is possibly the most aggressive pony I know when it comes to...physical relations. That mare is into some weird stuff and she'll tell you about it if you ask her. Sometimes even if you don't. Anyway, just as I was about to go after Pinkie, Applejack suddenly sprung from his unconscious state and latched on to me. “Find Fluttershy and ask her to give you the Pink Buster...Only way to stop Pinkie...Also Spike said to bring home some milk cause you're out. Met him..on the long flight...over to window...”, and then she fell over again unconscious. Dependable till the very last bit of her fortitude that AJ. I would have never gotten that milk if she didn't say anything. Well looks like time is up today. The next part has more stuff in it, but you said you wanted to know everything so this covers the everything part at least for now.
Three...Two...One...Ha! You're late! Don't shake your head 'no' at me. You are so late! By a whole two seconds! I knew you couldn't stay on time forever. Remember this day well for it was the day Twilight Sparkle caught you not being on time. Before I dive back into the story I want to tell you the great news. Filthy Rich and I are officially co-founders of that book club and we are also scheduled to start dating. It is on a trial basis as neither one of is totally sure we can run the book club AND have a meaningful relationship without interfering with the club. Also he wants to see if I can survive his circle of friends. He is surprisingly considerate of my feelings since I do not have a ton of experience with rich and famous. Now with my personal news out of the way I guess I can get back to telling you the story.
Last time I think we were at the part where Applejack lost her barn, Rarity stabbed me for not giving my maidenhood to Filthy Rich as insurance that he wouldn't go back to his wife. Which is a non issue now. There was also my upcoming need to acquire something called the Pink Buster as well as milk cause Applejack used the last of her freakish dependability to remind me before fainting on Rarity's floor. I am sure there is a story there, but thankful I have no idea what happened with it as Rarity has not shared and A.J seems to be in no hurry to say much of anything about that section of time. There isn't much to the getting the milk part of the story. There was a small argument over the sudden two bit increase in price, but after some intense negotiation I got it for the original price. Dropped it off with Spike who was busy trying to Pinkie proof the library. For some strange reason he figured if he decorated for a party that she would not find our home in need of an explosive makeover. “Twilight do we have any streamers and ribbons?”, he asked as he scurried about storing the milk away and then inflating some balloons. There was a sense of urgency that I had never seen in him before, but we were out of streamers and ribbons. So I couldn't help him and told him as much. I hated to just leave him in his panicky state, but the sooner I got my hooves on this device or charm that could stop Pinkie the better.
Now usually getting to Fluttershy's suburban cottage was an easy trek. She didn't live right inside Ponyville, but more on the edge, sort of farmland adjacent. Yet, for some reason there was a stampede of potential pets barreling down road right for me! I dove off the road with as much agility as I could must. I am sad to say that I have the agility of a librarian. I'm just not as physically inclined as the rest of the girls. This meant I ended up getting clipped by a flamingo or an ostrich. Getting hit by a bird after getting gouged by a sewing needle has a way of making you just want to lay down. So here I am in the ditch covered in dust when I see just the mare I was directed to see. “O-oh dear. I'm so sorry Twilight. Today is annual animal stampede day, but Pinkie scared them off course.”, my meek motherly friend Fluttershy informed me. Have you ever met Shy? You haven't? That is no surprise as she is an expert in many skills. One of which is remaining unseen and unheard by most of ponydom. It makes up her entire personality, she could be in a room alone and one pony enter that room only to look right through her. She just blends right in to the background. It sort of scares me at times.
Anyhow, now that the stampede of exotic animals was gone and Fluttershy was found I needed to get some answers. “You saw Pinkie?”, I asked her err.. I probably wasn't that calm when I questioned her. I may have been screaming, but regardless she just shrank like a violet before nodding. “S-she used her party cannon to start the stampede before I could direct the animals on the right path.”, she responded in her trademark super low indoor/outdoor all the time don't hurt me voice. She's so quiet that one. “Applejack tried to stop Pinkie, but got blown through Rarity's shop for her troubles. That pony is out of control and before AJ passed out she said you had something that could stop her.”, I said making my way out of the ditch while Fluttershy just nodded in reply. “You mean the Pink Buster, I have that, but if you don't mind I'd rather you not use it. I mean if that is ok with you, Twilight.” Can you believe that? She has the one thing capable of stopping this insanity, but she is asking me not to use it. I thought she was just being overly cautious, but I wish I had of just listened to her. Of course any pony who knows me knows that I can be a bit stubborn. Why are you giving me that look again, huh? OK! So a great deal stubborn! This time it wasn't for studying well pass the safety of my health or magical experimentation leading to becoming a tyrant. This time I was putting my hoof down for the right reason! I'd like to see you make a different call. Like I was trying to say I just couldn't heed her request so she took me back to her cottage. That is when I learned a great deal more about how talented the land dwelling pegasus really was.
“I don't want to upset you, Twilight. I-its just that t-the Pink Buster isn't something simple to use. No one has ever tested either. W-we all sort thought that Pinkie Pie wouldn't go this far as to need it.”, my pink maned friend said as she led me into her cellar which turned out to be a huge underground complex of little contraptions. “Wow....Shy did you make all of these?”, I said seeing them in all their hoof crafted glory. Fluttershy's yellow cheeks turned beet red with blush. Apparently, acknowledgment was her hot button. “Oh...My..”, was all she could muster as I found myself looking around. Half dazed half awed by the amount and the complexity. “I've got a master's degree in Contraptionology and a advanced journeyman's certification for sewing and tailoring. I hope you don't mind me telling you that. I wasn't trying to gloat or anything. I leave now.”, she said as turned to head back upstairs. I had to stop her from leaving her own basement and home. It was rather difficult too, but I managed to bring her back to show me which one of her creations was the Pink Buster. The land bound pegasus had contraptions of all shapes and sizes! So looked like they could be pretty dangerous and there was one that looked to pretty intense. It was labeled the Mare Stand and before I could question my friend about its purpose she shooed me away deep blushed yet again. I think I know what it is now, but I'd rather not dwell on that. There were contraptions for automating house hold appliances, increasing a pony's strength or speed, even a pair of mechanic wings so an Earth Pony could fly just like a pegasus. Yet, the jewel of her collected works sat behind a white washed door in the back of complex.
“This is the Pink Buster.”, she said to me as nudged the door open. It was a mare sized body suit made of a strange material. It hung like regular fabric, but shined as if made of metal. Next to the hanging suit was a table with a face like helmet that had been design so your mane stuck of it comfortably. “Twilight, please don't use the suit. I know if we talk to Pinkie she'll calm down and see that blowing up Ponyville is not as funny as she thinks.”, the pegasus said as her eyes tarted to tear up on queue. I couldn't look Shy in the face when she was like that. No one can. I'm serious if you look her in the eyes when she is like that you could go into a coma from the cuteness. She was a fashion model just for that kind of meek coma producing cuteness. Photo Finish is still sorting out lawsuits in between crushing new models under hoof still. “She's got the whole town save me, AJ, and the Mayor believing this what they want! The Mayor is counting on me to stop it before it is too late!”, I exclaimed starting to get bother by shrinking violet pleading of looking for another solution. I mean wouldn't you? They had her make a suit just to stop Pinkie Pie if she ever went wild so it isn't as if she didn't know that if someone sent me to get it then talking wasn't gonna work. I hated having to get rough with her, but the result was she relented. I'd just have to live with feeling like a bully after saving the town.
The ceiling lights flickered and shook just as Fluttershy was going to help me. I knew it wasn't a good sign. Charging out of the room and upstairs I could see that Pinkie was bouncing around the property. The signs of frosting smeared across the windows and smoking wafting from holes in the ground where some of Fluttershy's pet homes used to be was a warning that time was not on our side. Racing back down into the cellar I shouted, “Get me into that suit now! She's outside, Fluttershy and she just turned your pet housing into potholes! We're next if I don't stop her.” The poor girl had been frightened by my screaming. So needless to say, she was very little help as she cowered under the table. It took a solid minute, but I managed to get inside the sleek, form fitting garment only to suddenly feel Fluttershy on my back. She forced my head down and said, “This is designed expressly to stop Pinkie Pie. The only way to accomplish that is to put you and her on even terms physically and mentally. Pinkie Pie was born and raised on a rock farm, so she's not like a natural pony and while you may be smarter than her.”, my friend said as she reached around my head to clamp on the mask for the suit. “She's crazier than you. Crazier than all of us, but the suit will equalize that. That insanity gives her power on par with any high level magic using unicorn.” she went on as she left my back as beeping sound came from the helmet. At first I could see out of the eyes, but slowly everything lit up to show Fluttershy staring me in the face. “In five seconds you're going to go insane, Twilight. After that you will be able to use all of the tricks our friend can along with you own abilities. The suit will keep you focused on Pinkie.”, and true to her word that suit started to work it's magic.
I bet you have never know what it's like to be driven mad. Let me tell you it is the most frightening yet enjoyable experience I've ever had! I finally saw why Pinkie Pie was always so bouncy and perky even in the face of certain danger. Insanity is like your mind being open to everything. You can repeat the same action and get different results, predict the future, over even travel to the farthest reaches of Equestria in seconds. It was more powerful than any of my magic had even been. Yet, for all the good you feel there is a clear and present dark side to insanity. That dark side is what most saw when ever someone would encounter a mad pony. Your emotions are divided and intensified to extreme peaks and it is hard to focus. If not for the suit, I'd have never known the world Pinkie lived in and I'd have never been able to handle that kind of power. The truly harsh part was the physical response to the sudden loss of mental limits. The racing heart beat, the ragged panting, the constant shaking from head to hoof, and the feeling of grinding your teeth. I thought I'd burst, but as I took my first steps as a madmare Fluttershy backed to the side wearing a smile. “That's good you're doing fine Twilight. Hang in there a few more seconds. My mother always said the first steps for any newborn were the hardest. You're my newborn, Twilight Sparkle. My newborn madmare and...and...Oh my this just like my time at the farm.”, I heard her say, but my mind was busy pressing itself to the limit. Another step and another and another then suddenly my nerves settled. My vision bright and vivid and my body light springy. My hearing sharp and my horn tingling with wild magic just waiting to be used. I charged out of that cellar and right through Fluttershy's front door leaving it a heap of busted splinters!
I'd never felt so strong and my mind raced with a million thoughts and calculations. In madness I could remember all my lessons in magic, all my studied books, and I could feel Pinkie Pie! I could feel her in bleeding soul! How amazing it felt, but when I looked around and caught sight of her I felt something sinister tug at me. It was like a dark side of myself wanted a peek That was when the voices came. Break her, trounce her, send her packing! Tear her apart and put her back together wrong, turn her into a gift for Celestia's stone garden! Make her Rarity's whipping pony, or Aj's slave, or gasp even your own naughty little play thing!
Before I could respond to the psychotic voices in my head I heard Pinkie Pie's delighted tenor chiming in. “Ooooh look at you Twilight! You got all dressed up to play with me! You look so silly in that suit, but I think it suits you. Get suit that suits you? Anywho, you don't look so well. I know all about Ms. Animal lover's Pink Buster suit and what it does! I think it's pretty neat, but it must be hard for you right? Right?! Seeing and feeling all that Pinkie Keen energy for the first time? Maybe you're hearing the voices, but don't pay them any attention. Unless that is what you really want.”
I think it was then that I knew I'd have to fight her or risk her making me give into the madness too much. So I decided to steel my resolve and give her the fight of a lifetime crazy pony to crazy pony and what a fight it was! I'll tell you about it next!