Chapter The First And Only
It was a cold crisp night, and I had invited everyone over for a get-together; human, pony, griffin, and changeling. Some would say it was close quarters. I said it was cosy. Dash and Scoots were sitting on either side of me as if to hold me up. I chuckled. I hadn’t had that much to drink.
I stood, “It’s been a long, long Equestrian year and a quarter, about forty-four Earth months since I arrived. I have discovered ponies have four seasons, like most worlds, but they were distributed differently thanks to the pegasus and Celestia. The eleven months for each spring, summer, and fall, with a short three months for winter, was wondrous. Endless summer and spring, a short winter, and a pleasant fall.“ I shook my head, “This place still gives me a sense of wonder.”
I lifted my glass of eggnog and apple cinnamon whisky, “To a wonderful place.” There were smiles all around. Even Elinor gave a little smile.
Matt lifted his glass, “To happy landings.” We all raised a glass and drank.
Eleanore lifted her glass, “To new beginnings.” Again, we lifted mugs and tumblers and drank. Twilight and Emerald, in his changeling form, hugged little Saphire in her changeling queen form.
Tycho raised his mug, “To new horizons.” Once more, we all followed suit. The two mares with him snuggled close.
Applejack raised her mug, “To new friends and family.” Elusive gave her a peck on the cheek, which promptly glowed red.
I sat back and enjoyed the happiness around me.
Scootaloo looked up at me with curiosity, "Dad? Is this your first Hearth's Warming?"
Applejack snuggled with Elusive, "Naw, this ain't his first rodeo. But land sakes, he was plum pickled that first year".
Elusive bumped her shoulder, "What did we say about tact?"
Dash chuckled, "Aunt AJ's right. The first year he was a mess. That was before we hooked up, kid."
I gave a weary chuckle. "Yeah, it’s true. It was Christmas, and I-"
Scootaloo cut me off, "Kres-what now?"
I explained, "Christmas. It's a holiday from where I come from, with many similarities with Hearth's Warming. The reasons for the holiday are different, but the warmth and love are the same. Anyway, that was my first Hearth's Warming..."
… and I'm drunk.
For the first time since I got here, I'm rip-roaring drunk. I didn't get loaded on salt like the ponies do. I just needed good old applejack from Sweet Apple Acres, brewed by Applejack herself. Kids stuff for ponies, giggle juice for me. And here I am, sitting in the dark, feeling sorry for myself. The only light is from a dying fireplace.
Why the hell was I feeling sorry for myself? I've been here for only a few months, and I've met a goddess, for Christ's sake. I have more bits than I know what to do with, and saving that colt made me a local hero, and yet... and yet... here I am, alone and so drunk I can barely stand.
This was their winter festival, Hearth's Warming Eve. Christmas by any other name. And as far as I could tell, in every world I had been in, they had the same damn celebration. Usually in the winter, sometimes in the summer, a few had it in the spring or fall. It doesn't matter; it's still Christmas.
Every time it rolls around, it reminds me that I am alone. Oh, I had friends, but I'd only known them a short time. I wasn't going to intrude on their celebrations. Anyway, I don't belong here.
So, I drink. I just stared at the embers in my fireplace and drank. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear her come in.
“So, you going to sit here all night getting blitzed?” Rainbow Dash said in a soft and worried tone.
Without looking at her, I said, “Yup.” I took a drink, “I just want to be drunk and sit here and feel sorry for myself.” I took another long pull from my drink and then slowly peeled the smiling cartoon tree label from the bottle with my thumbnail.
“You have friends, you know.” She sounded defiant, maybe a little angry.
I replied in a flat and tired tone, “I know.” I took another drink. “I just miss having family, that's all.”
She came closer, and I could feel the warmth she radiated. “Listen, you idiot. We are your family. You know that.”
I started laughing. A bitter, harsh laugh. “You know, Dash, I have a little secret. You want to know what it is?” Dash looked unsure. “Well, I'll tell you. Remember at the park last week when I said I was proud of Scootaloo for winning that race? And then we did a group hug, the three of us? Well, just for a second, just a split second, I imagined we were a family. And it felt good. For that little tiny moment in time, I was truly happy.”
I took another long drink, then turned again to Dash, bobbing slightly, “But, I knew it wasn't real. Do you really think something like me would really be accepted? I mean, deep down, in here?” I patted my chest. “Do you honestly think some mare will say to me,” I continued in a soprano voice, “'Oh, Alex, I would love to spend quality time with you even though you're not even a pony!'" I drained the bottle and took a fresh one. "Yes, friends are good. But...” I took another drink, “I'm alone, Dash. I've been alone for the last sixty years, and I'll still be alone for the next sixty years, and however long I'll be still bouncing around after that. I may never die, did you know that? Unless I get myself killed or just take the easy way out. But even then, I can’t be sure.” I fought back tears, “Don't get me wrong, I value your friendship so much and you are my very best friend, but I can’t drag anyone else into this life.”
I took another drink. She placed a hoof on my shoulder. I brushed it away, “Dash, I'm drunk and stupid. I know I’m rambling, but I'm just tired of being alone. Right now, I just want to wallow in self-pity. I don't expect many mares to be interested in an interspecies affair. I'm not even sure I'm interested in one.” I looked at Dash, and she was blushing. I waved my hand, “I'm not talking about the physical stuff. I mean... Christ, I don't know what I mean.”
I noticed my bottle was empty, so I opened a new one and continued, “Just... someone to say they love me at the end of the day.” I took a sip, grateful for the chance to unload. “Someone I could be in love with. Someone to hold.” I drew my knees up to my chest, and I took a long pull from the bottle, “And you don't think I feel guilty about that?” I sniffed back a tear, “It's burning me up inside. Ann is still my wife, but that was a lifetime ago. Sure, I still talk to her and see her, but she's become more and more of an abstraction. It's already been a lifetime for me, and now that I'm here in this...” I waved my hands around, spilling a little drink, “Perfect place. I feel it even worse.” I finished off the bottle.
I sniffed away another tear and opened the last bottle. “And now, I'm as drunk as I'm going to get, and all it did was creep out my best friend.” I raised the bottle in a mock salute, “Great job Alex!” I took a long pull from the bottle and stared at the dying embers in the fireplace.
A little angry, Dash asked, “Are you done with the whining?”
I nodded, still looking at the fireplace, “Good, it was getting boring. You're a sad, boring drunk. And you're my best friend as a matter of fact...” I felt a kiss on my cheek. Surprised, I turned to her. Her voice was soft, full of emotion, “Happy Hearth's Warming. You may not think so, but your friends care about you. I... we love you. And we don't care how drunk you are. We want to see you tonight. You've brought so much good around here and given m... us a lot to think about.” Her voice became deadly serious, “Now, get dressed and get moving, or I swear to Celestia I will buck you into next week, you lug head. You're friends... I... want to spend time with you tonight.” She smiled, and her voice became confident, “It's all about the power of friendship, right?”
I looked and her, smiled, and wondered what good deed did I do to warrant such a good friend.
I took a sip of my eggnog. "So that was it. Started off bad, but was alright in the end." I kissed Scootaloo and Dash in turn.
Dash smirked at me, “Yeah, it did. You’re still a boring drunk tho.”