"Apple Jack!"
"Yeah, Granny?"
"Time to come in! Gettin' dark!"
"Be there in a minute, Granny!"
She hates lying to her family, especially Granny, but she has found over the past few months, it has gotten easier. The only sleep Apple Jack has had is when exhaustion hits her suddenly and quickly. And even still it only lasts for a few minutes at most before she screams in terror from another nightmare. Her family notices her lack of sleep, but if it bothers them to see her like this, they know better than to force her into sleep. Apple Jack's stubbornness has been at a all time high. Her insomnia keeps her up for twenty four hours a day and seven days a week. Which, in truth, Apple Jack doesn't mind. It's better than sleep. Anything is better than sleep. Instead of going towards the farm house, she goes deeper into the orchard and starts on tomorrow's work. "See? Who needs sleep? I'm perfectly fine right here. Doin' my chores!" she says, trying to convince her over worked body. "After all, what farm pony isn't used to hard labor? Like bucking trees, or plowin' fields? I can do this!"
"Apple Jack?" a deep voice asks softly.
She turns around and sees Big Mac with a shy, worried look. "Now, Big Mac. Don't you start telling me to go inside and go to sleep. I refuse to rest until the chores are done!" Apple Jack explains.
Big Mac sighs and says, "I'm not here to force you into things you ain't comfortable with, Apple Jack, I figured you wouldn't come in, so I'm here to help with the chores you're doin'."
"Does Granny know you're here?"
"Nope."
"Alright then," Apple Jack says. "You can start with those trees over there, while I stick with these ones," she explains.
Big Mac quietly nods in agreement and turns to the direction he was appointed to. Apple Jack turns around and smiles at the tree behind her. She missed every pony during the time she was away, and is thankful that they are so supportive of her. Never has she felt so much true love from her family. She thought back on the day she received the letter, Granny telling her to stop what she's doing and get the mail.
There was a letter from Filthy Rich, probably the money he owed, a letter from Babs for Apple Bloom, a bill for the new gardening supplies they bought, and a letter addressed to her from Celestia. Curiously, she opened the letter. She never got mail from the princess, so this was very weird and nerve wracking. "What could have happened that would make the princess write to me?" she wondered. And then she read it. Yak-yakistan and the Griffon Kingdom were attacking each other and planning on attacking Equestria as well. She and her friends were asked to report to the palace for briefing on the plan the next day.
Apple Jack shakes the feeling off and focuses on bucking the trees. She thinks, instead, of the day they got back. Despite everything that had happened, she was happy. Happy to see every pony had survived the bombings and were all there to greet her. In the excitement though, she caught a glimpse of Scootaloo and Zephyr Breeze, and Apple Jack's heart sank fast. She knew that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash would never hold them, never greet them, never smile at them, and never have a conversation about the weather with them ever again. She then thought of Diamond Tiara, Dinky and Derpy, Cadence and Flurry Heart, Apple Bloom's classmate Snips, and all those who's family will never be the same again thanks to the war.
Apple Jack tries to blink back the tears and keeps working. She focuses all her attention to the task at hoof. Apple bucking. "It's just like any other night on the farm," Apple Jack tells herself. "Big Mac is just behind those trees on the right of me, and I'm here. I'm safe. I'm bucking apples." she explains to herself. Plain and simple.
She hits the tree with a big thud and hears the apples fall into the baskets below. She blinks, and sees a glimpse of Carrot Top shooting at a Griffon soldier in her mind. She shakes her head once again, and goes to the next tree. Again she hits the tree, hears the apples fall, and sees Shining Armour being stabbed by a Yak spear in her mind. She blinks back tears, and goes to the next tree. Once again she hits the tree, hears them fall, and sees a bomb go off, destroying the immediate area and every pony retreating to the back up base. She starts crying as she thinks of the blood and that poured through countless ponies, yaks, and griffons as she fought for Equestria. Each memory getting worse and worse as she remembers more and more!
"Apple Jack?" she hears, but she keeps crying.
"Apple Jack?" all those yaks and griffons killed by her own hooves!
"Apple Jack!" All those who she couldn't help and instead let die!
"Apple Jack!" she wakes into consciousness. Apple Jack is laying on the couch in the family area. It was all a dream. But this one felt so real! She looks down, and sees that Apple Bloom was the one who woke her up. She rubs where her scar is and looks at Apple Bloom.
"How long was I asleep?" she asks.
"Two minutes, you were having a nightmare, so I woke you up," Apple Bloom explains.
"What time is it?" Apple Jack asks.
"8:00 a.m," she says.
"Why aren't you at school then?" Apple Jack questions, about to lecture her for not going to school.
"Granny let me stay home to watch over you, because Mac has to work all day in the fields and Granny has a meeting with Spoiled Rich in town today," Apple Bloom explains.
She couldn't argue with that. Granny hadn't trusted Apple Jack alone since the first night of terrors, and it's only gotten worse as time goes on. "Well, What do you want to do today, Apple Bloom?" She asks, sleep still in her head.
"We could go into town?" Apple Bloom offers.
"No, I'm not ready yet, I don't want to face the ponies who's loved ones..." Apple Jack trails off. "Something else," she says, changing the subject.
"We could play a card game? You promised you would teach me how to play Old Mare," Apple Bloom offers.
"You need more ponies of Old Mare. Tell you what, we'll play Seven Up until Big Mac comes back from the fields, then we'll convince him to play Old Mare with us," Apple Jack said, winking.
"Sounds like a plan!" Apple Bloom says excitedly.
That afternoon, Apple Jack cooks up some lunch for her brother and sister because Granny hasn't come back from business in town yet.
"Apple Bloom! Go find Mac and tell him lunch is ready!"
"On it, AJ!" her sister called from the other room.
Apple Jack felt kind of dizzy that afternoon. It was a dizziness she had become accustom to over the past months. In short, Apple Jack was tired, but she tried to ignore it because the hot soup wasn't going to pour itself. Instinctively, Apple Jack touched the scar on her face. "Those talons came out of nowhere," She thought, getting the ladle. "Even worse, it was Gilda. I... killed Gilda," she though, tears falling un-shamefully down her face. "I killed a lot," she muttered. "I'm a monster!" she shouted, waterfalls of tears leaving unceremoniously now. She collapsed on the floor, the ladle still in the soup.
She heard the door open and a curious, "AJ?" coming from Big Mac, but upon seeing her on the floor crying he yelled, "AJ! Apple Bloom, why did you think it would be a good idea to leave her alone like that?" He picked her up slowly and she fell in his lap, still crying.
"It's alright, Big Mac, I told her to come get you," she said through tears. "Though, I don't know why she would listen to me, I am the monster that killed yaks and griffons," Apple Jack said, sobbing heavily.
"Now, Apple Jack, no pony blames you for what you had to do. It was war, A.J, you had to do what was right," Big Mac said, trying his best to comfort her.
Apple Bloom, meanwhile, had taken the stool, placed it at the counter, climbed up, and poured the soup in the three bowls placed on the counter. She then took one bowl at a time and placed it on the table. She sat helplessly watching her sister cry on the floor. She felt as though she were to blame for it, she was the one who left Apple Jack alone when she was supposed to be watching her. Granny trusted her to do so, and she failed.
Suddenly, the door slammed open! Scaring all three Apple siblings. "You stay away from her!" they heard Granny shout.
"Apple Jack!" Spoiled Rich shouted. Jumping to her feet, Apple Jack looked for the angry mare.
"Yes?" she asked, wiping tears from her eyes.
"I tried to be nice to you and your family for these months because of everything that has happened, but I refuse to stay quiet anylonger!" Spoiled exclaimed.
"What in tarnation are you talking about?" Big Mack asked.
"I told you, Spoiled Rich, you stay away from her!" Granny demanded.
"Quiet! You old mare!" Spoiled shouted.
"Old!? Who you callin' old!?" Apple Bloom demanded.
"Quiet filly. And for that, don't expect Diamond Tiara to play with you after today!" Spoiled Rich shouted.
"Every pony calm down! Why are you here, Spoiled Rich?" Apple Jack asked.
"I'm angry at you, Apple Jack!" she shouted.
"For what reason, Spoiled? I don't recall doin' anything to you or your family," Apple Jack explained.
"Oh? I see, so you don't care that you got my husband killed. Is that what I'm hearing Apple Jack?" Spoiled questioned.
"What are you talkin' about? I wasn't in the same platoon as Filthy! I was never responsible for what he did and did not do," Apple Jack explained.
"So, you really don't care that he's dead. You wanted him dead? Is that it, Mud Pony!? You only cared that you survived and not him!" Spoiled shouted.
"Now, hang on, Mrs. Rich. You have no idea about the horrors I saw while on that battlefield. Things that I wish to forget. Including your husband's death! Every day I wish it was me who died. Not Fluttershy, not Rainbow Dash, not your husband, not Shining, me. And I regret every day waking up and knowing that I lived and they died. I wish I did die. Because then I wouldn't have to live with the consequences of the war. So please, our families have a really strong bond and business deal. Don't ruin it because of this," Apple Jack explained. And every pony was completely silent.
"I-I'll have to think about this before I make a decision," Spoiled Rich stuttered, and walked away.
All of the strength that Apple Jack seemed to have, depleted quickly and she collapsed in tears again.
"Apple Jack, please tell me you don't really feel that way," Granny pleaded.
"I'm sorry, Granny I-I-I tried to stay strong. I tried to pre-pretend everything was okay, but it's not. I'm not fine, I can't sleep, I want to die, all I think about is the damn war!" Apple Jack confessed.
"We know about the nightmares, but you should have told us about the rest of this sooner," Granny explained, as gently as she could.
"Do you need to schedule a meeting with your therapist?" Big Mac asked, gently.
"No! No! I-I can't go into town! Not yet! I'm not ready, please! Don't make me!" panicking, she begged her brother not to force her into it.
"Don't worry, I'm sure he won't mind making a house call," Big Mac explained.
"Of course not, he's very kind and I'm sure he'll be happy to come visit us here," Granny added.
"Yeah! I mean, I know that he can handle anything! Even when me, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle sorta... bothered him a little bit," Apple Bloom confessed.
"Yeah, heh, he has informed me of that," Apple Jack chuckled. "Thanks y'all. I'd like that. He'd be a great help," Apple Jack admitted.
Big Mac, Granny, and Apple Bloom all sat beside her and the all hugged in the heavy silence. Everypony forgot about lunch.
After that 'meeting' with Spoiled Rich, she decided to break all ties with the Apples. Feeling insulted and attacked by what Apple Jack had said to her. Complications arose one by one like a trickle from a sink tap. Once the ties were broke, less and less money came to the farm. Since the Rich family stores were the majority of sales, they had to start relying on market sales more and more. It took a tole on all of them, especially Granny. She had dedicated her life savings to ensure the farm would grow, prosper, and provide for all of them. Apple Jack felt that there was no pony to blame but herself.
"Now don't you start, A.J! We may be losing profit, but we're not broke. Ponies here in town still buy plenty of our produce and jams. So stop this foolishness, please," She said, calmly.
"I'm sorry, Granny. But if I didn't say those things to her maybe we could still..." Apple Jack couldn't finish her thought.
"Apple Jack, what you said was nothing wrong. All you did was stick to your element and that's all any of us wants for you. You stood tall, and she was the one who took it as a threat. She was the one that reacted negatively to what you said," Granny stated. "I'm not angry at you, so don't you think that I am," She added.
"Just one more thing to talk to the doctor about huh?" Apple Jack asked.
"Not until tomorrow. Now, you get as much sleep as you can, A.J, while I cook up some good food, huh?"
"I don't know what sleep is anymore, Granny. It's been so long, I don't know what it feels like anymore."
"But I saw you with your eyes closed this morning!" Granny said, worriedly.
"I closed my eyes when I heard the door open. I'm sorry, Granny," Apple Jack stated, much like Maud Pie.
"Now you stop saying that. We're all just worried for you, that's all Sugarcube," Granny explained, as sweetly as she could without crying.
"Sugarcube. You haven't called me that since I was Apple Bloom's age when I came back from Manehattan," Apple Jack explained, smiling a little.
"Then I'll do it more," Granny decided, kissing her granddaughter on the forehead.
