A Royal Pain
In the vast, dark reaches of space, Pyerion—an alien Grey with a dark grey space suit—flew towards a destination that he knew simply as “Moon of planet 193748 Eliquess” in his chrome colored saucer; standard issue for every member of the Grey Line empire army.
“Wonderful,” he said as he approached the moon. “All systems are functional. Time to land and claim this dull rock in the name of the Grey Line empire!” Pyerion landed his ship on the surface and put on his helmet. He grabbed a flag—which bore the face of three alien Grey heads in front of two swords—and opened the back door to his saucer.
Pyerion hopped onto the lunar surface and looked out at the planet. “Maybe someday, I’ll claim that planet in the name of King Xylnniax,” he thought aloud.
“Who art Xylnniax?” a voice asked from behind Pyerion. “And what art thou?”
Pyerion turned around and staggered back a few inches. “Whoa, whoa,” he said as he regained his posture. “How can you speak in the vacuum of space? And why are you here? What empire are you from!?”
“We mastered a spell that lets us breathe up here,” Princess Luna answered. “And we are from that planet down there. We were banished here by our sister.”
Pyerion’s empty black eyes widened—as though they were balloons attached to an air pump. “You're sister is quite powerful,” he said. “However, this moon is now property of the Grey Line empire. So, you'll either bow to King Xylnniax, or you shall leave this moon at once.”
“We can't do that,” Luna said with a frown. “We were banished here for a millennia, and we've been up here for nine hundred and ninety eight years.”
“Right…” Pyerion tapped his helmet as he thought over his options. I don't have the authority to kill her, but I've been ordered to claim any and all moons I come across.
Luna stared at the lost in thought alien, who seemed to become more a statue and a living, breathing being. “Art thou okay?” she asked after a few minutes. “Has thy oxygen supply been replaced with carbon monoxide?”
Pyerion shook his head. “No, I'm just wondering if it's possible for me to keep you as a prisoner until your banishment is up without being caught up in bureaucratic insanity,” he said. “I'm seventy eight percent sure that I can do that, unless the king tells me to instead eject you to the nearest star with extreme prejudice. After taking tissue samples and the like.”
Luna stared at the alien, wide-eyed and slack jawed. “Y-you can't do that!” she stammered. “We are Equestrian royalty! Our sister raises the sun and the moon while we are up here!”
“So that's why your planet doesn't have a conventional orbit,” Pyerion mused. “Nonetheless, if you have an issue, you must talk it over with the King, which you may do inside my saucer!” With that, Pyerion slammed the flag into the ground and saluted it. “Oh, gracious King Xylnniax,” he said as he bowed. “This moon is now yours to rule over!”
“It so is not,” Luna growled
“Quiet, Alicorn, and salute the flag,” Pyerion growled back. “Or… I'll make you do so after some paperwork.”
Luna rolled her eyes. “We refuse,” she said sternly. “If you haveth a problem with our choice, you may take it up with our sister.”
Pyerion let out a sigh. “Well, I do have a problem with it, and if you don't wish to my hand, you'll come with me into my saucer.”
Luna stomped her hoof. “We refuse!”
Pyerion growled. “Fine!” he yelled as he stomped back into his saucer before he turned around and yelled, “You made me do this!” He walked to the cockpit and turned his ship up. After he ascended a bit into the air, he positioned himself over Luna and abducted her into his ship, at which point he landed his ship again.
“Alright, time to visit the royal pain,” he said as he walked to his abduction room—which was actually an abandoned mess hall, but with more sharp instruments and unused vials of food coloring. As he opened the door to the room, a magic bolt flew right over his shoulder, and struck the wall behind him. “Whoa, calm down, little moon lunatic.”
“Our name is Luna!” the princess snapped. “And you shall showeth us some respect! Who art thou to sucketh us up into thy disk?”
“Hey, this is a state of the art Flying Saucer! It's the four hundred and ninety first model—complete with a warp drive that can bring me all the way from my in-laws house to the insane asylum in just under a hundredth of a second!
“However, under article sixty of our laws on claiming interstellar lunar objects, I'm allowed to abduct anyone and anything that is not an aquatic being as I do not have their living conditions on board this saucer.”
Luna once again stared wide-eyed at the Grey, who had a blank expression on his face. Finally, after several seconds of blankly staring at the alien, she asked, “What art thou going to do to us?”
“Nothing,” Pyerion replied. “I'm just going to ask King Xylnniax if it's possible if I can hold you as a prisoner aboard my ship until you're to return to 193748 Eliquess.”
“You mean Equus?”
“No.”
“Well, that is our planet's name.”
“Don't care,” Pyerion said. “Now, follow me to my contact room. This will take anywhere from five minutes to five years.”
Luna sighed and followed the Grey to his contact room—which had the same dull, chromatic color as every other room she'd seen.
With the exception of the enormous, green screen on the right wall. Beneath it was a chromatic keyboard with various alien letters on it. Pyerion walked up to it and hit a few before he stepped back. “Okay, now we wait.”
“For thy King to get backeth to us?”
“No, we must wait for a politician to submit our request to a senator who then reviews our request before sending that to-”
Before he could continue, a large, digital head popped up and asked, “You requested my approval of an action, soldier?”
Pyerion kneeled before the Grey. “King Xylnniax,” he said. “I wish for your approval to hold this princess or queen as a prisoner until her banishment on this moon is up.”
King Xylnniax shook his head. “Pyerion, your by the book attitude is ridiculous,” he said. “Wasting away time on a moon instead of leaving and searching for another moon to claim is preposterous. We instated those rules to deter soldiers and scouts from staying on moons for months or even years!”
“But your highness, the planet below must have intelligent life! Think of the resources we could get!” Pyerion protested. “Think of the things we could learn!”
“I don't care, Pyerion. Leave and go somewhere else before I put you on helmet shining duty,” King Xylnniax said. He shifted his head towards Luna. “I apologize, Alicorn,” he said before he disconnected.
Pyerion let out a sigh and turned around. “Welp, guess you're free to go,” he said as he walked towards the still open door. “I, however, have something to do before I go.”
Luna raises an eyebrow and walked along side the alien. “What doth you haveth to do?”
Pyerion stopped and smirked. “Perhaps you'll one day find out,” he said as he held out an arm. “Now, you're free go.”
Luna smiled and levitated over the flag. “You don't want to forget this,” she said.
“Thanks,” Pyerion said. “Now, have a nice stay up here.” With that, he shut the back door and walked to the cockpit. He started up his saucer and flew towards 193748 Eliquess. “Okay, let's see… ah-hah, they do have farms. Terrific.”
Pyerion activated his saucer’s cloaking and flew down to the nearest wheat field. He lowered his saucer enough to flatten the crops. “This is for not letting me claim your moon!” he yelled as maneuvered around before he flew back up towards the sky, leaving behind an obtuse formation that resembled a rorschach test made out of crops.
Pyerion looked out his side window and chuckled. “Some day, they'll realize I left behind my phone number,” he said before he flew back into deep space in a bright flash of light.
Luna, meanwhile, merely sighed as she lay on the moon's surface; a frown on her face. I wonder if anypony will ever believe me…