You Eat, in Dreams, the Custard of the Day
“That's some pretty powerful stuff you use, Starlight,” said Twilight, shaking her mane vigorously. She reached a hoof around and felt a shoulder. “Seems to have cleaned up your coat and mane quite well, though. Did you know we were going to need it again today?”
“What? No! Of course not!” She sighed. “I don't know why it happens. It just does.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Your teleporting always ending with you covered in custard just happens? What did we go over yesterday about the proper spirit of scientific enquiry and the importance of methodical experimentation and detailed record-keeping?”
“Look,” said Starlight, wincing, “can we just go through the lesson one more time, please?”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay!”
“Okay. Solo teleportation is normally easier than taking a friend with you since you don't need to balance them out. However, that can change when you're under pressure, since it can be tricky to control perfectly. Your angle of approach, mental togetherness, sugar content and hyperspace appreciation all need to come together at the same time. If not, well, let's just say there's a reason many ponies only try it once. Are you with me so far?”
“I... think so. It all seems so— wait, 'sugar content'?”
Twilight had dropped her head and was giggling into her coat. She caught Starlight's expression and stopped as best she could, which wasn't very. After a couple of unconvincing throat clearances, she looked up at her friend and student, who was still gazing at her. Starlight's eyes were catching shimmers from the firefly-lanterns that were just beginning to take over from the grey evening daylight slanting down through the hall's great windows.
“Twilight! Twilight, this isn't like you!”
“What?”
“Making jokes!”
“Oh. Actually... that wasn't a joke.”
Starlight blinked, very slowly.
“If you're going to end up covered in custard every time you teleport, then you might as well be prepared for it. You really don't want to end up giving yourself diabetes marelitus.”
Starlight blinked more rapidly. She opened her mouth, then shut it again.
“Now,” said Twilight, “let's see what you've learned. I would like you to teleport immediately to the main kitchen at Sugarcube Corner, and then to come straight back here. Think you can do that?”
Starlight managed a wobbly smile and a slight nod. She closed her eyes and funnelled energy into her horn. Time slowed around her as the boundaries between dimensions began to wear away. There was the sound of a rubber band being stretched beyond its limits and the smell of apple pie. Starlight relaxed into herself, finding it entirely natural now not to think about what was happening to her physical body as it passed outside time and space. In so far as it was possible to relax while bearing in mind the importance of sugar content, she relaxed.
Bang! Splosh!
“Oh wow, hi Starlight, haven't seen you in a while! Hey, do you wanna—”
Bang! Thump!
“Green?” Twilight frowned. “That's a new one.”
Starlight grimaced. “It's, uh, mint custard.” In the quiet of the castle hall, it was easy to hear the steady drip, drip of the dessert as it slid from Starlight's coat to the floor, creating a sight that Spike was not going to enjoy later on. She trotted off to the bathroom, wondering whether a pony could overdose on anti-custard shampoo. Twilight would kno—no.
A few minutes later, she trotted back into the hall, feeling a little more clear-headed and a lot more clean-headed. Twilight smiled at her and drew in a breath to speak, stopping short when Starlight raised a hoof.
“Yes?”
“Twilight,” said Starlight a little hesitantly, “maybe it would be better if I chose the location this time?”
“Well, I don't know,” replied Twilight. “It can be important sometimes to teleport at very short notice, and to an unexpected location. That's one reason controlled teleportation is such a difficult spell to learn.”
“Well, yes,” said Starlight, “but that's not something I have any difficulty with.” She blushed a little. “I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound conceited. I'm just saying that getting to the right location is something I can do pretty much every time. It's just that...”
She trailed off and scuffled at the floor with a forehoof, unwilling to finish the sentence. Twilight did it for her.
“...that you always end up covered in custard.”
“Yes!” shouted Starlight. “I don't understand why it happens! Pinkie Pie's house is one thing, or Applejack's, but it's every single time. Don't you remember the last time I teleported to Canterlot?”
“Um.”
“Yes you do! I ended up in Fancy Pants' house and still covered in custard.”
“I don't think you told me about that one. Besides, I thought he didn't even like custard.”
“He doesn't! He's actually allergic to it! But he'd asked Silver Cloud to prepare a bowl for some visitors from Trottingham. I land in his custard and it's the one and only time he's ever had the stuff in the house. Twilight, please! Surely anything's worth a try at this point?”
Twilight gave in. “Okay. So where are you going?”
“Um... I'd rather not say. In case it all goes wrong again.”
“Then how will I tell whether you completed the lesson correctly?”
“I'll... I'll write the destination down and leave the note here, then when I get back you can open it. Can I go now? I think I've got the sugar content bit down.”
Twilight gave in again. “Okay.”
Bang! Splosh!
“Oh no, not again! Sorry, gotta go!”
Bang! Thump!
There was an awkward silence in the castle hall.
“Um, Twilight? Why are you looking at my flank like that?”
“Because it's fantastic! You're fantastic!”
Starlight blushed a little, realised she was doing so, blushed harder as as result and stuttered, “W-what do you mean?”
Twilight said nothing, but reached out to Starlight and ran a hoof gently along the curve of her flank. Her touch felt smooth, warm, almost liquid; Twilight was certainly full of surprises. Starlight was wondering what in the hay she was going to say to Trixie about this when she realised that Twilight had shoved the same hoof against her muzzle and was eagerly insisting that she smell it.
“Go on go on go on!”
“This is all so sudden, Twili—”
“Go on!”
Starlight took a deep breath and a tentative sniff, and her eyes opened wide. Processing the information, she bit her bottom lip, smiled at her friend, then pushed out the tip of her tongue and licked at Twilight's hoof. This seemed to delight the alicorn further.
“Caramel!” the two mares yelled in unison. Their moment of shared discovery and ecstasy was ruined by the stallion of that name sticking his head round the door. Twilight shooed him away.
“Sorry. He's always doing that.”
“What do you m—no, never mind. I don't really want to know.”
“Anyway,” Twilight continued, apparently oblivious, “it seems that you've finally gotten yourself out of that rut. I'm proud of you.” She gave Starlight a brief, friendly squeeze.
“You mean... I didn't teleport into custard?”
“It would seem not. Although...” A shadow of doubt fell across Twilight's features, deepened by the flickering light from the firefly-lanterns high above. She licked her own hoof, concentrating on the place where Starlight had just done the same.
“Starlight,” she began carefully, “did you by any chance choose to teleport to Rarity's house?”
Starlight gave her teacher a disappointed look. Whenever she thought she was really getting good at magic, she was reminded of just how much Twilight truly knew – and, by extension, just how much she herself still had to learn. Not the least of which was avoiding unwanted contact with desserts.
She nodded. “Yeah, I did. Is there a spell that can tell you where somepony's been? That could come in really useful sometimes.”
Twilight's brow furrowed and her head pulled back a little. She took a single step back. Starlight waved a dripping hoof.
“Okay, I'm sorry, that probably sounded a little creepy.”
“What? Oh, no, it's not that.” Twilight's smile was warm, genuine and distinctly scary. “It's just... well, I guess we still have a bit more to work on here.”
As Starlight's own brow creased, Twilight moved forward again and repeated her move on the unicorns' flank. This time, she pressed a little harder and ran her hoof a little deeper into her coat. Starlight shivered, though she wasn't sure why.
“You, uh, you don't want me to lick your leg again, do you?”
“What? No. Maybe later. I mean—”
“Yes, yes, okay, fine” said Starlight hurriedly. “Please, just tell me what the problem is? Please?”
“I'm afraid Rarity swears by crème brûlée. Between you and me, I think she likes all the accents. Caramel on the top, and underneath—”
The two ponies spoke in unison, one with considerably more enthusiasm than the other.
“Custard!”