> Revisiting Lessons
>  by Grey Rebl
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When people are born, desires and dreams came with them. 

A child may foolishly pursue that dream. That is, before the monotony of adulthood begins. An adult may work and slave through the day, seeking solace in a place in society. Sometimes there’s a flirting wink from their coworker. Sometimes there’s triumph in a completed magnum opus. Sometimes there’s failure, forced to start all over again. Each of these things, one way or another, would lead to something...fulfilling. Never popular, never satisfied; it’s a struggle in the pursuit of happiness, because it’s the right of a self-proclaimed protagonist—everyone’s reality.

And what better way waste all that time dwelling in the abyss of color that is the internet, with so much content to dig and find in the infinity of cyberspace. 

Youtube, Reddit, Steam, Deviant Art, Tumblr, and god damn Facebook...they all occupy the vastness of the web.

Musicians and listeners. Writers and readers. Videomakers and viewers. Artists and appreciators. It’s a duality that brings together communities and relentless passions—and veer off into cesspools of insanity. Like Fandoms: digital kingdoms dedicated to a cartoon, idea, anime, or a single person. 

Where a lurker lurks, one can find such catalysts of ultimate machines of memes. For the LOLs or otherwise. They’re all landmarks of the Internet all the same. The greatest in particular emerged from the badlands of 4Chan. Especially 4Chan.

Without them, cyberspace would be dead space. Empty. Boring.

Unfortunately, the sad reality is that alll good things must find themselves “dying”. In a way, every fandom can be immortalized by the superior memory of the internet, But as new things comes and the old goes, virtual immortality is meaningless in the face of exponential change. In the fun of those things, they carry an expiration date. It's like milk: enjoy it while you can before it spoils.

I’ve been in too many fandoms to not ponder upon these kinds of things. Otaku? Guilty. I’ll fight for my waifu. Trekkie? I like my science fiction. Even my entire childhood of cartoons slept under my meme belt. I pride myself in seeing as much as possible...including the last gasp of their lifespans. 

Brony?

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was a special gem, a rarity of a show filled with real life lessons both cheesy and mature, expressing the purest ideal of friendship to a cynical world. Y’know. For kids. Which was why jaws dropped by it’s epic rise to popularity. The fandom it spawned? Just as crazy. And so the Bronies came to be, simply men who happened to like a show meant for little girls. 

From the cringe to the most proudest of hours, I’ve been through it all thick and thin. The innocent, the corrupt, and strange happened in the long years of ponies and the magic of friendship. The Brony Fandom, once upon a time, was exceptional, boasting a community that spanned globally. 

Not anymore.

This is TutorialBlues88, signing off.





All I saw was white. The single color reached infinitely omnidirectionally. From the horizon to the floor and to the ceiling, that’s all there was.  

In front of me was a simple desk of rich oak, shining as though in a spotlight. Behind that desk, sitting on a chair made of illustrious, ebony leather, was a skeleton adorned with a black cloak, his hands clasped together. Towers of paper neatly laid around his desk, but pens were scattered around in contrast. There’s even an open computer to the side, which brightly shined the jawline of the figure's skull. His empty sockets stared.

I stared back, compelled to say one thing: “Am I dead?”

“Yep.”

There was a pause. I blinked. “You’re awfully blunt about that.”

The dark figure chuckled hollowly through the abyss that was his throat. “And you’re awfully calm about being dead.”

“A good part of me believes this is a hallucination.”

“That’s understandable,” he said with a nod. “It happens sometimes when people don’t know how they  died—In fact, perhaps you shouldn’t know.” The figure looked away. His skull clattered under his hood, as if withholding something. 

I gulped. “Uh...is something wrong, sir?”

He returned his empty gaze back at me, yet, somehow, his skull morphed comically. “Sorry! Sorry. It’s just that your death was a little...controversial. And please, call me Death. ‘Sir’ makes me feel young. We have much to discuss.”

I raised a brow. “Okaaay…” Not my business to care, but curiosity won over. It’s my own death after all. May as well play along with whatever it was my mind conceived. “So. Death. How controversial?”

“Well—” Death went silent for a minute, contemplating how he should word his answer. Fiddling with a pen, his bony fingers clacked at the plastic as his gravel-like voice hummed in his rib cage. “Let me tell you something important: the universe acts in very, very strange ways, but there’s always a purpose  to it. Any moment leads to the next, and even death can be a gateway to something...more. Now, your death can mean anything. It’s up to you to decide what you, and only you, believe.”

“Is this leading to the meaning of life or something?” I deadpanned.

“No no no,” the skeleton sputtered. “Nothing tantamount like that! It’s just, uh, well—”

“Look, Death, come on. What’s the big deal? Just how did I die?”

Death sighed and nodded solemnly. “Very well. If you want to know right away, then fine.” Hollow orbs stared right me, riddling me with chills. At that moment, I feared knowing. Backed by the gravity of the very concept of Death, he rasped, “You tripped on a ball and got a heart attack.”

Death's serious demeanor remained as so as the seconds ticked by. But judging by his skeleton jaw chattering with the upper teeth... He was failing.

My eye twitched. “...What?”

“Snnrkt!” The dam broke and Death roared with laughter. I frowned deeper. That only made him laugh harder. 

So there I was, in the face of Death, and he’s laughing AT me. ...it’s usually the other way around when a character did something insane or heroic. But in metaphorical irony, I was apparently such a wuss that I died like one and Death saw fit to capitalize my embarrassment. It's almost upsetting.

Finally, his laughter died down to chuckles. The hollow of his mouth stretched into an unsettling grin. “Don’t believe me? Then explain how you feel so lucid. If you’re truly on drugs, you wouldn’t notice how in touch your senses are. Would’ve been muted or heightened. Now...” He opened his arms wide, gesturing to the vast and endless white world. “...do you believe this world feels unrealistic?”

I looked around. I didn’t know how I got there, nor when. Yet, I had sense of clarity, an awareness of how the void wasn’t truly dead space. The white abyss greeted me back. It felt whole, as if everything was there yet wasn't.

“It’s surreal,” I muttered. “Like a lucid dream.”

Death nodded. Somehow, his gaze softened despite lacking muscle tissue. “Indeed. Many before you felt so as well. There’s a reason for this: your soul is free.”

“Soul?”

“Yes. It's the house of your consciousness. From the moment you saw the light beyond your mother’s womb, the soul records every moment thereafter. Your childhood, your adulthood, and your...demise.” Death stared emptily as if, word by word, reciting from an ancient text. “The human brain limits the soul's ability to recollect or maintain a true state of consciousness. When death comes, you’d see your entire life flash before your eyes. That's your soul leaving the mortal realm, unbound by all physical laws, bursting into a stream of recollection.” Death looked at me in the eyes. “You should remember everything up until the moment you died. Try it. Recall.”

I frowned. I decided to humor him. But then... My my just slipped—effortless, like splashing myself in cold water.





I remembered how I cried, straight out of the womb. Parents, too. I saw my own childhood, where friends and teachers came and went...

The teenage years were the worst, glued to the nearest device connected to the Internet. I hang around with many different groups, played games with them, and followed wherever they went like a lost puppy. Most of the time, I was never able to stay.

Test results: Lots of A's, B's and C's—a cycle of stagnation and motivation, drifting from one subject after another.

Every single word, every little thing that friends, family, and strangers said echoed in a flash.

As a kid, I discovered the many things in the internet, the good and bad I remembered every meme and inside joke I encountered down to the last thread.

But then...there were the fandoms. Guilt.

I was a cringey and obsessive of many things. The regrets piled, mostly from embarrassment of all the keyboard wars that raged... It never stopped the fun, though. The memes ruled supreme in every aspect of my digital activities as curiosity dragged me into the dark hole and darker underground of strange wonders.

Adulthood flew by. Never got married. After college, I wafted along with my muses. I had a simple job: Office work. Just a boring employee in a random office firm edging toward promotion. But I stayed at that step, never raising nor descending. As I slobbed through the World Wide Web, political correctness ran rampant among my colleagues in the most idiotic of ways. I didn't meme as hard as I used to out of fear.

It was, in summary, a normal life. I remembered how content I was despite it. Yet, sometimes I would realize how much I missed out every time I looked back...as if I never outgrew the teenager whose 18th birthday was just the day before.

Finally, the day of my death. One day, I felt a sense of longing; nostalgia. I missed walking, and I missed my degenerate memes even more. So, I was out in a casual stroll in a park with my old MP3 player on hand, practically ancient compared to modern standards. I jogged, earphones digging in my ears.

I enjoyed my afternoon as I thought fondly of the old music I listened to, dating back to my preteens. It was essentially my childhood. I set it to shuffle, making it a game of what song names I remembered. Fan music, parodies, original works—I had it all. It was fun for a few minutes. That was, until a certain song came on.

“My name is Pinkie Pie. Hello!”

A cloud's shadow swam over me and I slouch into a walk. The remnant of a long and bright history of a certain fandom tightened my lungs. Soon, I realized why I stopped thinking about the past in the first place. I moved to skip to the next song. In that instant, my foot landed on something round and bouncy. In the time it took me to fall, I saw blue, blue, and more blue as “Dash’s Empty Skies” played. Even though the cloud parted to reveal the heavenly sun, my eyes had already lost incandescence. 





I gasped back to the present.

“Now you’ve realized,” Death said, snapping me out of my memory daze. “You can remember, yet not beyond the moment you tripped, meaning that was the end. You’ve died.” No sympathy in his words, only truth.

“I-I…” I looked down, refusing to meet his face. “I’m really dead.” A sick part of me was glad. My death wasn’t slow or agonizing. It was quick, sudden, and lacked the horror of imminent doom. But what hit me hardest like a punch to the gut was… “It was boring. So...dumb."

“Now, remember when I said your death—”

"My death in particular means nothing," I snapped. “Face it: Tripping on a ball? It’s a freak accident!”

Death lifted a finger bone to refute, but my glare stopped him cold. He relented. "...if that’s what you believe."

With Death's submission, it was silent as a grave between us. I had to take it all in. I died. Nothing to do about it. No redo's. Zip. Nada. Dead stays dead, no matter what regrets I had. The cold thoughts, while reasonable, didn’t stop the hollow question from welling up inside: Am I satisfied?

I took a deep, deep breath, and exhaled whatever emotions that I could. It might be meaningless if I am technically without a physical body anymore, but it’s the thought that counted. By the fifth exhale, I was ready, emptier than dead space. I gazed up at Death.

“What now then?” I asked, my breath shallow. “Do I go to Heaven, or Hell? Is there even one?”

“Nope.”

I blinked.

“There’s no heaven or hell. Just white space,” he clarified.

“T-then it’s all just limbo?” I incredulously searched around the white world, compelled by a need to know if there was something, anything at all there. I found nothing but dread. “What about everyone else? Where are they?”

“Now, calm down.” Death waved a hand of bone. “Everyone must end up somewhere, of course. Now this is the fun part." He raised two fingers. "You have two choices. The first is to relinquish your will in the world and dissolve your soul, becoming one with the void forever. A true end, of sorts. The second is...well," he paused dramatically, smiling toothily. "Do you believe in alternate world's and realities?”

The idea struck me like a hammer. “Oh,” I uttered. It didn’t take a genius to know where the conversation would go.

“‘Oh’ indeed.” Death smiled, obviously enjoying my shocked expression. “And you get to choose which.”

"Even...fictional ones?"

"Especially fictional ones," Death nodded. "A favorite among many. Many concieved their own paradises."

It was funny. The only paradise that ever existed was in the mind all along. Just...in another dimension or universe. By the whim of one person or "god", worlds could simply be conceived for some reason or no reason at all. Cartoons, anime, books, TV shows... All of it could be potentially be “real”. But that sprung out a question...

"Was...our world conceived, too?"

Death simply chuckled with a shrug. "Who knows? It’s a possibility, but there’s no way to know for certain. Like...a barrier between writer and fiction, you could say.”

“O-oh..." Even in the afterlife, it seemed some thing will forever stay a mystery. I wasn’t how to feel about that. I gulped. "So... My choice, my world?"

"Yes. You are allowed to give it some thought as needed."

And give it thought I did. Which world will I go, was the question. It said a lot about me when I thought more about where to go rather than make my own paradise. I couldn't help it. Media was my life. I had watched numerous shows, read countless stories and played libraries of games... But there were too many to choose from. 

So, I decided upon a different question: Where did it all start? When did it start? Somewhere, along the line, something introduced me to the world of cartoons and video games, that drove me to indulge in many amazing and trashy things. My first—a gateway fandom.

Oh.

My soul went cold. Even though I wanted nothing to do with it anymore, was I willing to turn back? My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and the Brony Fandom... Can I really find it in myself to feel the passion I once had for it? 

Even after the fandom died out?

I don't know. But was it wrong to want to know?

"If I die in the world I end up, will the reincarnation process happen again?" I asked suddenly.

With a pleasant chuckle, surprising with his ghastly voice, Death said, "Thinking ahead, I see. Yes, but only after processing through the death cycle of the world you will end up, if it has one."

A warranty. If I was unsatisfied, I could simply let nature run its course and die, starting over with a different world. Even knowing where I'd end up, even though dying still unsettled me...the point still stood: I had nothing to lose. 

Sentimentality won over me, and a grim emotion crossed mind. "Then I made my decision."

"Very well," Death rasped. "All you have to do is imagine it and the world will be generated all on its own. Be aware that it will be unique to you, and only you. Any copy of a preexisting universe will never be perfect. Backgrounds and events lacking context will be filled in randomly within reason or the preset parameters. Once it is conceived, it will run the rules you set and you will follow it accordingly upon reincarnation. Any questions?"

I shook my head.

"I see." He nodded neutrally. "Then whenever you are ready."

I shrugged, if only to loosen the nervousness I felt. If I stalled, I knew I would hesitate and back out, a coward again. "May as well do it now. Can't keep you from your next soul, now can I?" I smirked, for once trying to find ease in the skeleton's hospitality.

Then suddenly, the optimistic figure that Death built himself as wilted. Pen clacking stopped. Gone was the upbeat attitude, the boldness, now a ghastly whisper of a corpse. In its place was age... Exhaustion. “Actually, my job is done now. Forever. You are the last.”

I went stock still. “I...am?”

“Understand that humanity grew exponentially, and so did the deaths. No surprise that I would get...behind. A lot in the pile got out of order. That's why you are it: My last and final soul for this old man to lead away before he himself finally passes on.”

"So Humanity is dead? Been dead...?" My mouth tightened as my throat went cold and lumpy with emptiness. “Wow, I...,” I gulped, “I guess nothing really does last forever...”

The presence of time had shown itself, its savage knife along our throats threatening to introduce our respective ends. Nothing lasts forever, that was the sole truth since time immemorial. I wasn't naive to that fact. So why did it stung so much? 

What about Death, who saw to the end of all lives and their passing? How old must he be to even transcend the attrition of all of humanity, myself included? To hold all of that burden... That just sucked.

"...I see you have lingering doubts. A penny for your thoughts?" Death asked. 

My hesitation held the silence, tightening my jaw to hold off the words. Honestly, I was more interested in his thoughts. But wouldn't that be selfish of me to ask?

"I understand if you'd rather not. It's personal, I know," Death said. But strangely, his jovial attitude receded completely. He shifted on his seat, like a child with stage fright. It’s as if he's wearing his heart open. "It's just that—well, just this one time, I'd like to make my last...worthwhile, you could say."

In other words, everything must choose how it'll end one day. For him, this is it. And...maybe the same went for me as well.

Fine.

"Did you ever feel sick of it?" I finally asked. "Meeting people at a personal level and then letting them pass on by?"

I bowed my head, staring at the desk in front of me, hands shakily clasped in a death grip. Death’s skeleton stilled, as if respecting my words carefully. 

In a way, I reflected myself in Death. In the deaths of fandoms, in the end of good fun... It was silly. Here I was, a grown middle-aged man who worried about the end of childish things. I always hated that part of me, the obsessive and cringey boy who never grew up from it. But could it be helped?

"Sometimes, yes." Death stood straight. "I've met countless souls in this world. Children, adults, innocents, criminals and the average man stood where you are before me. Many of them I’m delighted to call friends," he chuckled a little, then he stopped. "But do you know what the thing is?  Even after an eternity, I still consider them friends. Friends until the end of time, yes?" He smiled. "I'm Death. Whatever gifts life brings me, I keep forever."

I looked wide-eyed at him. Something warm bubbled in my soul...and burst into a chuckle. And then: laughter. Death didn't understand what I found funny, but seemed to relax from my reaction. He was oddly satisfied,

"You serious about that?" I asked, wading off the last of my fit.

"The soul never forgets," he responded lightly. "Don't you have something like that?"

The nostalgia kissed my face. In bliss, I said, "Yeah. I do."

The mirth remained in our faces for a long while as we shared what friendships we had, all in perfect detail.





Even by eternity’s end, friendship still triumphed in some form or another. It was cheesy...but for some reason, that comforted me. 

When I was still a Brony, I've seen a lot of things happen, some great and some bad. Sometimes people gather around for a great cause because why the hell not? Hell, communities may gather for some weird reason or for fun to be had! Everywhere there's someplace to belong in, to be a part of the awesome. I thought it was impossible to be alone.

But my friends weren't as crazy as me, as obsessive. They moved on. I'd try to follow but distant grew in time. So I found new friends . Same thing happened, over and over...until friends turned groups, groups turned to communities, and then communities turned to fandoms.

I missed them. I miss the good ol' days.

But if friendship could last forever, then maybe not all was lost. Nothing wrong with turning back around just to sight-see and recall all the good times, right? Coming back to school for Friendship 101 once again, TutorialBlues88 is raising a hoof for attendance! So, here I am as I do what feels most natural to me:


Revisiting Lessons






"I'm ready now."

"Good. I suppose I don't need these anymore." Death clacked his finger bones, imitating a snap and, by their cue, the desk, filled with stacks of papers and a computer, disappeared in a blink of an eye as though nothing was ever there. All this time, it was all for show. Heh. Death, that showoff.

A translucent light emitted from my being, ethereal. I felt light as if a weight had finally been discarded. If I still had a heartbeat, it would've risen at the surrealism—I felt a tug from in my core. I understood; my soul was preparing to make its jump. It was warm, comforting even. After a few moments, the glow suddenly intensified as I found myself embraced with light. Soon, I will be gone. 

But not yet. There was still something on my mind.

“Hey, um, Death,” I called, biting my cheek as I thought over what I wanted to say. In the end, I could only keep it simple. “Thank You. For taking care of me—and us. You did great.” 

I waited for him to respond. Maybe he didn't need to. I lost track of time on how long we talked, but we came out as old, best friends in the end. We joked, we reminisced, and we shared our philosophies... I never thought I would find a friend in Death of all people. 

I gave him my best smile. It was awkward and stilted, but when Death’s skull under his hood twitched, I knew it was enough. After all, it’s only fitting that the last thing he'll see was the smile of someone who he helped last. He chose the way he'd end it, and I chose mine.

It roused him though. “I haven’t had someone say that in a very, very long time.” Death grinned. “Live well in your new life. And farewell.” It was the finality in his voice, tinted with a spark of life, as he gave me his last whisper all that I needed to hear. Any remaining doubts washed away from me, and my own smile grew a little as well.

That was the first and last time I saw him as everything turned dark.





Pop!

But then I fell, screaming for my short-lived life as a blue, shaggy pegasus.

"This is what he meant by reincarnatiiioooooon—?!"
> Arrival
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Endings are scary.

Some things are just too good to end. Unfortunately, that’s the reality of things. A person’s favorite show would be over and he’d weep of being back in the show hole once again. A couple would break up, agreeing that being together would hold the other back as their paths were too different. A man’s best moment would be so fleeting that it can only be immortalized with something as flimsy as a photograph. Even former best friends had it, driven apart by the obligations of society. But people are all about sentimentality, and so the hollow feelings will always stay.

It hurt like shit when my favorite things end. Because it happens all the time, I’d dive into the next best thing before I feel it. But it’ll never be the same. Get too attached, and the cycle continues. It happens over and over and over again until, before I knew it, I grew out of them.

That’s life. People anxiously seek out for the one thing that will last, never realizing that they’ll change. If a kid grew up with Mario, would he still like it the same way he did as an adult? With the same passion? Sometimes, the truth scared me. I always wondered if, one day, I’ll become an adult who’d mindlessly serve his dues—and I did.

But even so, early memories were no less important. We all arrived from somewhere. Where else but the beginning?


Revisiting Lessons - Chapter 1:
Arrival
Season 0 Ep. 0






It was a happy day outside. The sun was up, the air was cool, and the silence was everso relieving. Under Celestia’s watchful sun, a warm blanket of safety covered every place where the light touched, warding off the malicious creatures hidden in the shadows. The atmosphere was thrifting and alive, laced with a call for play. It seemed like a great day in the free foliage of the Everfree Forest.

“Uuugh…”

But then a groan erupted from the cold depths of my soul and ruined it.

My hooves dragged themselves across the dirt, slow and careful. Damp dirt spotted my aquamarine coat. My spine ached from the resolute embrace of the earth after literally popping out of nowhere in the sky. I was vigorously shaking my shaggy greyish-blue mane to a maddening itch in my scalp, only for sticks and leaves to entangle themselves even deeper into my mane. The itchiness got worse.

Only at square one and I already felt like shit.

The plan was simple: I choose a direction and follow it until I found something recognizable. Of course, the goal was Ponyville.

I had walked for likely half an hour and no sign of civilization thus far. I took up learning how to move my new body while I was at it. Having wings mean nothing if I can’t fly. Same went for my hooves. If I couldn’t do something as simple as trot on four legs, I’m helpless, because in the Everfree Forest, anything could happen in the wild.

But that’s the thing: nothing did.

That scared me. It was as though the forest had something planned, something to screw me over just in case I slight it in any way. It should’ve been a good thing considering how the Everfree was used as a plot device for various happenings in HiE fanfiction, sometimes with a visceral and dark twist. If it’s not a manticore, it’s timberwolves. If it’s not timberwolves, it’s a manticore. Who knows? It could be something entirely new!

“Some HiE cliche would often jumpstart the story, allowing the protagonist to be saved by best pony by default,” I said aloud. “Yeah, I could use something like that… I mean, what is the worst that can happen?” I paused, waiting. Nothing happened. Not even a bush rustled. I grumbled, “Yeah. Figures. Knowing my luck, my life will stay mediocre even if karma drives this world.”

With a sigh, I continued onward. I guess it’s for the best. Even now, my every step were given my undivided attention. The last time I took a stroll, I tripped and died.

Then, I hissed as the goddamn itch reverbrated in my scalp! I was prepared to lose my hands to integrate with this world, but I didn’t think I’ll regret it so much so soon—it’ll drive me insane at this rate!

Then, salvation came from the sound of running water.

My ears perked at the sound. Could it be? A river?

In a quickened pace, I trotted past a bush, several trees and a slight hill until I found myself at the sandy bank of a serene and murky river. There could be murderous creatures in there, just waiting to drown any who enter, like mutated piranhas, magical crocodiles, killer seaweed...

I instantly dunk my head in. I shook and twisted in the water to rinse off the grime in my mane. When I emerged with a sputter for air, a grin broke out, for the itch was no more! I felt stupid clean in after what felt like ages.

“Holy shit—yes!” Seems fortune was feeling generous this time. Looking around, I instantly recognized this place. The landmark was just like the show's Season One premiere, where a certain gentleman of a serpent first appeared. Then, I frowned in thought as priorities took stage. “Which side of the river did Ponyville come from?”

If there's any advantage I have, it was the memories of my past life. All of them. Death put it bluntly when the soul remembered. What he failed to include was that those memories carried over through the reincarnation process. In other words, I had a perfect photographic memory of my past, especially all the episodes of MLP:FIM. Convenient. Yet, it’s a pity I won’t have the luxury nor excuse to forget...

But that meant I didn’t know what didn’t show. In the Season 1 premiere, the Mane Six crossed a river to get to the Castle of the Two Sisters, where the Elements of Harmony resided. If I had to choose a direction, I would either end up at my destination or the old castle. 

Knowing the volatile nature of the Everfree, I couldn’t afford to stray around too long. Unless whatever’s swimming in the water could walk on land, the river was my safe line, keeping danger to only the forest side. 

I could ask for directions from the one and only Steven Magnet, but, looking around, I didn’t find tail or scale of him anywhere. No guide. The choice of whichever direction I should go could be decided by a coin toss. Still, I needed to think. Aside from a few episodes to reference from, I didn’t have enough information to work with.

Glancing between the deep and dark foliage, I saw nothing for me to use nor recognize. Just moss, crooked trees, and even more moss. But then, I gazed up slightly and an especially hilly part of the forest came to view. The hill bulged over the treeline, a hard thing to miss. Even better, its location lined up with the direction of the river. 

With a bit of height, could I reliably find a path towards Ponyville? There’s a chance, but it seemed so far. Couldn’t there be a better way? A thought came over me: I glanced at my wings.

After a long stare, I shook my head. “Can’t be that easy...”

...or could it?







A long trek had passed and the hill began to exceed the height of the treeline. I was still not high up enough to see what I wanted, but the progress was motivating. 

Eventually, I reached a waterfall that trailed like a serpent along its cliff face. The water poured into a generous pool of water big enough to be twice as wide as the river. The space glistened with suspended vapour, and I welcomed the chill that graced my coat as I trotted close. To my surprise, the water was crystal clear, fresh. I dipped a wing in: Cold. I relaxed.

I took a gander at the waterfall again as I enjoyed my second sensation of cleanliness since coming to this world. Boulders piled around the waterfall, allowing for a convenient path to the upper ledge. However, they’re too high for me to reach...but since I had wings…

I went to the base of the rocks, staring up at the ledge with a slight bit of trepidation. I thought it over while traveling, but being lost in the Everfree meant I had to consider every advantage I had. Being able to fly would help immensely. How soon, I had no idea, but I had to try at some point. Besides, I was psyched up for it ever since becoming a pegasus!

I wasn't sure if there was a proper way to do it, but imagining a cat felt like a start. Silly, I know, but I had little to lose and much to gain if I tried. With an arched back, haunches up, front low and wings spanned high, I ran the image of a calico scaling a tall dresser in my mind, feeling up the motion in my own body.

I took a deep breath and exhaled, mentally preparing myself until, tensing, I sprung up and flapped!

I at best gained two feet before slipping under my hooves and falling on my ass.

“Oof!”

Groaning, I decided to just lay there on the dirt as I wallowed in the pain, pebbles poking my hide. I felt too stupid to get back up.

“Too many cat videos...ugh…” With that said, I pathetically laid my head down in defeat.

The long way around it was then.







After making a pit-stop to drink water from the pool, I found a decent path leading up the hill. It took a bit of guts to abandon the river, but I knew I couldn’t just stand around forever. I got better at walking, too. Still stumbling, but less. Helps that there’s no fear of witnesses seeing all of my embarrassing falls. The perks of being alone, yeah?

As I went along, I slowly realized how much I underestimated the scale of the hill. The hill turned into a mountain, and the path ahead just kept on going! Deciding to follow it up further, the footing narrowed and the hill slanted. I would’ve lost time keeling over if it weren’t for the hours of practice I had walking. But it still didn’t seem to end! However, it was after one stretch, one turn of a corner, that I stopped to breathe toward wide open skies.

I arrived at a ledged, and what I saw stole my breath away.

“Woah.”

A beautiful view of the Everfree Forest. Celestia’s Sun brightened the usually dark treetops. The murky green no longer seemed invasive, now a rivetingly rich lemon. I could even see the shining river that I followed, winking at me. But it was the colorful flowers decorating the tree tops that caught my attention. Reds, blues, and violets: They lay scattered delicately across the green like a garden, Mother Nature’s domain. The wind blew, and the trees rustled like the flowing sea. The sun shined, and the gold lining within each flower twinkled like the wishing stars.

Then suddenly, the sun shifted and so did the world.

The forest took on a lively orange. The wind swayed harder as the air got cooler, and the branches and flowers danced with nature’s cheer. Even though the day was ending, the forest had never seemed so alive. Rather than slumbering solemnly, the Everfree Forest decided to party the daylights out. For a cartoon-like world, there was so much beautiful depth.

I knew that, deep inside the Everfree Forest, it was survival of the fittest, filled with monsters, dread and darkness, but when I saw the big picture I thought for a moment that the Everfree wasn’t all that bad. The end of a day had never felt so great.

...end of the day?

“Oh no,” I whispered, horrified. I shouted at the sun, “Oh, no no no! Celestia, for once in your life, be incompetent in your job for a few extra hours and—and—...oh wait.”

Crack!

Before I could contemplate the irony of that statement, I heard a low crumble from beneath my hooves. I froze, wings tight against my barrel as I thought the worst. Sadly, the worst was happening, and the ground gave way...slowly tilting towards the edge.

“Well, shit.”

And the ledge broke.

“Aaaaaaaaah!” 

I tumbled, scrambling for something, anything to stop my fall. I began to right myself...just in time to collide stomach first into a root growing out of the side of the cliff, which snapped from the force. I accidently clung to the log of earth as I breathlessly wailed, the treeline rushing to meet me. The dreary green returned, and branches scratched my coat and tore through my feathers.

My battered body bounced from branch to branch until, finally, my fall ended with a merciless thud. Crushed leaves listlessly followed. I coughed dust, laying there.

“Nevermind,” I croaked. Another cough. “The Everfree is still shit.” 

As I moaned in pain, I thought I was supposed to be dead again. Not a day had passed, and I fell at a height that's impossible to survive for a second time. It’s so comical that I was willing to believe that this world was conspiring against me. I don’t know how or why it’s possible, but one thing is for certain: cartoon physics may had saved me, but cartoon karma was a sadist.

“Just had to pay back my words from ealier, huh?” Huffing, puffing, I asked the Everfree for what it’s worth. I thought that was it. 

But then I heard breathing, heavy and rumbling from behind...

Hitched, I craned my neck to look. I whimpered at what I saw. “In interest, too?” 

The manticore roared with a rage of over nine thousand interrupted cat naps.

I didn’t stop for anything as I scrambled to my hooves and stormed through the foliage, and the pain and thundering steps followed. It hurt, as it should, but it was less than expected after surviving an impossible fall. I could think and I could move. That was good.

Mrooooarw!

The angry manticore behind me seemed to disagree, as though to say, “Sit still and die!” or something along those lines. Not good.

“Calm your shit!” I hysterically yelled back, narrowly missing a tree. “I really feel like living!”

The manticore responded with a rough swing of his paw. I reacted by speeding up— lightness came over me, as if my hooves had wings. I was tripping.

As if in slow motion, my face came closer and closer to the cold, harsh ground, all too aware of my impending demise. Every cell in my body shouted at me to live. How could I, though? I couldn’t even win against my own legs!

Simple: I lose harder.

Face kissed dirt, but I gave no resistance to the momentum and pushed forward with a snarl. My haunches sailed over my head, and I met the feeling of weightlessness once more as the slanted terrain allowed me to "fall" away from the manticore's reach.

I used the mountain. I let gravity do the work.

Upon landing, I slid along the earth without care nor thought of cleanliness. Forehooves, hind legs, and wings—every limb flared desperately to do everything in their power to push and drag me forward and away from the manticore’s burley paws! If I could survive what’s arguably a mountain fall and a sky dive of death, these pitiful jumps meant nothing to my body! I’d take on all of it!

I threw my head up to sail over a bush! I rolled, tumbled, only to pump my hind legs to clear another set of bushes just to roll and tumble some more!

“Ugh!” I slammed onto the edge of a crooked oak tree. Agonizingly, I slid my body across the jutted bark and pushed off, just in time for the manticore to slam recklessly into the tree!

A part of me wanted to laugh as I rolled away. Just like a cartoon! But my mirth died when Celestia’s sun finally saw to its rest and shadows consumed the Everfree Forest. Night time finally arrived. 

Darkness. A chill overtook me. Any obstacle could be unavoidable and I was helpless to follow an uncertain path. If I hit anything dead center, I’d be forced to a stop and then meet a bitter end. Going straight wasn't an option.

Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for the manticore, who was too tough to let a bunch of vegetables stop its mad charge as it snarled even louder! My chest jumped at the volume, my efforts spiking to match the frantic beat of my heart. I pushed off at an angle, fell and—

Thwack! 

“Aaargh!”

—collided into a branch. I twisted and turned, narrowly avoiding anything else before tripping over a bush and sailing into another nosedive. With no time for regrets, I fearlessly returned to the cycle of suffering and falling.

The snapping of wood followed by a pained roar echoed. It seemed even the manticore wasn’t immune to the dark. I didn’t stop to care. What mattered was the drumbeat of my heart shouting at me to live.

Push and fall; crash and slide; hurt and shout. He wanted me, I wanted out. I would lunge desperately and somehow evade the manticore each time, perilously bouncing down the mountainside only to do it all over again.

However, the moon reached its peak to signal the full turn of night, and then moonlight showed the way. As I slid on grass, I thanked the princess I could see again...just in time to see a slope up ahead, steeper than the rest. Another lion-like snarl riveted through the forest. Dropping all of my hesitation, I sped up.

“Raaaargh!” Shutting my eyes tight, I desperately leaped and roared.

Behind me, a heavy thump and a gust of wind followed. 

In mid air, I could feel it, the humid breath of an open maw closing in on my tail. My leap of faith was too weak. I stared at the empty skies in anguish as if it could help. The stars twinkled innocently at my plight. So, I closed my eyes and prayed...before snapping my wings open! 

The result was pathetic, barely a breeze compared to rushing wind of the fall, but it was enough. I fell faster. My body tipped, and I didn’t pause to throw my head down and whisk my tail and haunches away before the manticore’s mouth clamped. I opened my eyes just in time to see the surprised look on his face.

I saw my landing and flapped desperately to right myself. Eyes clenched tight, I rolled into a ball and let gravity do its work as wind licked my pony ears. I ricochet off a rock before violently tumbling through the wild vegetation. Gravity’s hold remained uninterrupted, the distance between me and the manticore widening.

I would've been delighted, but my body was about to cap out. I wheezed, choking on dirt as every tumble sapped my every bit of energy from my limbs as sticks and dust stuck to my wings. My cells screamed for air—I'll be finished at this rate!

Splat!

But the mountain finished first as I finally splat on even ground.

I was sprawled, limbs wide, coughing coarsely as dust spat out. 

“C-come on! Move!” 

A shadow washed over me and my pupils shrunk. I ignored the pain and kicked off just in time for the manticore to thunderously land right where I was and blow me away. My acquaintanceship with weightlessness had reached the point where I couldn’t give a damn anymore, so I limped gracelessly upon finding kinship with the cold, hard dirt.

Wheezing, I struggled to stand as my joints creaked in protest. The manticore just stood from where he landed and looked at me with a cheshire grin, confident I wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t bear to make an expression back, the pain being too much to bother. Even though my cartoon body was capable of surviving long impossible falls, my stamina wasn’t infinite. I hardly had the energy to move.

Done with the spectacle, the manticore took a step forward, ready to make one final pounce. I was running out of time.

No matter how one looked at it, the match-up was skewed. It's a flightless Pegasus versus a manticore whose interrupted nap time and wild temper were in direct causation of each other.

But even so...I’m not some pony awaiting his end. I was too human to give in—what can I do? I looked around erratically. What can I do?!

When my eyes landed on a pair of thick, curvy oaks that vaguely resembled splitting paths, I found my answer.

“Hey.”

The manticore paused, looking quizzically, but it didn’t stop him from wounding up his pounce.

"You've surprised me just then, but..." I smirked, puffed my chest and brushed my wings open, showing off as I taunted, “Think you can still catch me now that I can launch off smoothly?”

The manticore’s widened eyes flashed. With an earsplitting battle cry, I poured all of my remaining strength into a dead sprint toward the curvy oaks! The manticore mightily pounced and roared, putting its all to end this chase once for all! Good, because I already stopped it.

When a cat sees prey, it pounces with startling speed and accuracy. However, like all hunters, they have a tendency to predict the movements of their target according to its direction and speed. I’m a pegasus, and pegasi have a certain reputation in canon for having a cocky attitude proportional to their flying ability. The manticore realized this, which was why the he never expected me to dive flat on the ground to an immediate stop, causing the feline to overshoot and then wedge itself between the curved oaks ahead!

Only the front paws and its upper chest passed through before its girth prevented it from going any further. The manticore was dumbfounded. He set his four legs underneath himself and pushed, turned and pulled in comical attempts to pry himself out. Unfortunately for him, the odd shape of the trees and their elasticity kept him. The trees even stretched like a funny animation with each motion! He’s stuck.

I just sat there, exhausted and relieved. I’ve never ran so hard in my life! With a bit of humor back in my mind, I I chuckled weakly at the manticore’s predicament as a nostalgic feeling welled up inside. Too many cat videos, I swear. Like a cartoon. It didn’t seem like he could get out anytime soon anyways.

When I felt like moving again, I circled around to meet him face to face. His eyes turned red at the sight of me, squirming into a frenzy. The trees stopped him short, so the only thing I felt from his flailing paws was a harmless breeze. Realizing how futile it was, the manticore stopped and glowered at me instead. 

I sighed. “You know, looking at you, you look a whole lot less scarier than I thought.” 

I didn’t mean it as just an insult. It was true, he looked more of a Saturday monster for kids than the apex predator threat I initially thought up in my head. In fact, he looked exactly as depicted in the show, friendly in design for little girls. I knew I wanted to be in a world true to the canon of the show, but seeing for myself how even the natives of the world looked like a flash animation felt surreal.

Everything held a two-dimensional tone, but the colors and objects popped out. If I had to compare, it was like the high-end cinematic animation that only movies had, but too expensive to be made in episodic form. Like virtual reality but genuine.

But that left me detached, didn't it? If I were to guess, a normal pony would look on with fear at the creature. For me though? Just another character in a cartoon. Still, if he's sapient, I wonder if I could use a bit of diplomacy so that I won’t be tracked down once he broke free.

As if to disprove my point, the manticore gave a long, harsh roar. Birds rustled out of the trees, the wind of his lungs blew my mane and even my face wrinkled from the force. By the end of it, I stumbled back from the ringing in my poor, poor ears. The manticore turned smug, satisfied with his petty, and savage, victory.

It didn’t scare me exactly, but I lost a lot of confidence in my idea.

“Let’s keep this civil,” I spoke tersely. “Okay, Manny—can I call you Manny?" The MLP's Manny was a manticore as well, but I can use it here. "Doesn’t matter—I don’t know what your deal is, but I had a bad day! I'm too tired to deal with this so late into the evening so let’s just forget about this and let bygones be bygones.”

Manny responded with an even stare before snorting dismissively.

“Don’t you give me that! You were gonna—gonna…” I blinked. A thought just came over me. All this time, I ran in fear of my life, but with the world following the cartoon, did it also follow the rating? “What were you going do to me?”

Manny stared at me menacingly. Then, with a cheshire grin, he slowly and visibly licked his lips. Smug, but without a certain kind of maliciousness...

“Eat me?” It sounded too wrong to be the case, so I thought about his past actions instead. “Wait, no, you were trying to scare me off.”

Judging by the manticore’s vivid expression of surprise, I scored.

“All this time…you—” That did it, the final straw to break the camel’s back. “Are you fucking kidding me?! You chased me all the way down a mountain! What were you—I could’ve died!”

Manny glanced down at my beaten form before staring back helplessly, as if to say, “but you’re alive now, so what’s the big deal?" That drove me livid. His throat rumbled, ready to erupt with another one of his roars as if ready to protest.

“Enough of that already!” I shouted and he shut his mouth. “I’m sick and tired it! I’ve fallen from the sky—twice! Got an itch that almost drove me batshit crazy, and it’s not like I could pluck the damn sticks out with these damn hooves! I tripped and fell so many times that I can feel the bruises turn into a fucking aneurysm!”

The manticore winced for each seething word that spat out of my mouth. Slowly, but surely, the indigence in him shifted into uncomfortableness, then, to fear. Seeing this, I felt empowered to say more. 

I mockingly said in a hushed voice, “You could’ve let me go my merry way and you’d have your sweet little nap,” then shouted, “But nooo! Instead, you chased me down with my LIFE on the line! Do you have any idea how much it hurt to get the hell away from you?! I fell from a mountain! A mountai—!”

I blinked, shocked. Manny had shrunk into the wedge in backing up from by verbal assault. Beads of tears formed along the corner of his eyes.

A feeling told me: It’s him. He’s Manny the Manticore from the Season 1 premiere. There was no basis or proof behind it, but I felt it. But if that was true, it was a huge coincidence. What this changed, I don’t know, but it didn’t matter. I already let out the day’s steam, so I quickly calmed down. I sighed. To say anymore felt childish. Besides, staying angry at a cartoon character won’t help me.

“I’ve said my case,” I muttered, “so leave me alone.”

Manny was silent. From how expressive he was, I knew he felt shame. Cartoon expressions were honest like that. With nothing else to do, I huffed, turning to leave.

But then, the forest resonated with the howling of wolves, followed by a horrific smell.

Manny and I widened our eyes. Timberwolves.

I shook my head. "Oh for the love of—that's just not original."

They sounded close, and this spurred Manny back to gettingout of the wedge’s hold. From the distress in his face, I knew I had to move. If even the burly cat feared this world's timberwolves, then there must be a good reason why. I was still too exhausted to do another run and I didn’t have the generosity of gravity anymore to act as a crutch.

“Doesn’t matter now. I’m going.” Manny looked at me pleadingly, but I turned my back on him and limped away. “Don’t. You brought this on yourself. Survival of the fittest, after all. I gotta do what I gotta do to survive. I do my thing, you do yours.”

Then, he meowed. I stopped.

Not a roar, a snarl, nor a growl. He abandoned all sense of intimidation and meowed. I gulped, and glanced over my shoulder. There he was with the moon acting as a spotlight, his head ducked low in a solemn bow. He was sorry. And he was willing to express weakness for my forgiveness.

Another round of howls snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Too many cat videos,” I mutter. With a shake of my head, I ran and disappeared into the foliage, leaving Manny behind.

He’s on his own.

And so was I.

As I left, all I could think about was the amazing view that I saw at the edge of the mountain before I fell.







Doors open and close. 

People are free to choose whichever door they feel benefits them most, be it deciding between the time a teen spends on video games and finishing a TV show or choosing between two well-paying jobs. However, there’s always a cost for each decision made; an opportunity cost.

Choose either but never both. In certain friendships, this was especially true. I was once under the naive belief that the thing that brings friends together would always stay. They tend to, but it was to my shock as a Brony that friends themselves didn’t. With the fandom’s inactivity and decline, it was no surprise. Ponies won’t always be in their minds, and they’d later forget them in favor of other more fulfilling pursuits. I wanted to stay connected to my friends, but I also wanted to stay connected to ponies. 

It was a silly fear, but I was scared that, if I chose to leave, I would be just like them and abandon ponies entirely. They’re a connection to my inner child and younger me refused to be swamped into dullness of adulthood. So, I attempted the impossible and tried to keep both. Of course, not everything can please a person all the time. Hobbies change constantly and I was forced to catch up until, friend by friend, the distance widened so much that I was the only one left, unable to keep up.

Ever since, I was determined to find new beginnings with new friends, ones that will last. The cycle instead repeated. On and on it went until, finally, I decided that being alone was better than earning nothing for what I worked to keep. Solitude didn’t make it better, though. Ponies never made me happy the same way ever again.

Serves me right for trying so hard to maintain relationships across the internet.

It was human to change. To a Brony who wanted to be happier, it was okay to moving on from ponies. In life, people were allowed to pursue their well being and fortune. To find a better state of self, it wasn’t wrong to find something new, to begin anew and have the determination to face a split path again.

But if it is alright to start anew, was there anything wrong with revisiting what’s already over?

___





The Everfree Forest shuddered as the howls of timberwolves vibrated the air, singing their hunt’s call.

Through it all, Manny lay stuck and still, bowed in defeat. It had been minutes since I left, and the howling got closer, but he continued to do nothing. How could he do anything? Trapped between a pair of trees, he’s helpless as his size was used against him. For timberwolves, even if he was a manticore, a sitting duck was a sitting duck. All he could do was accept his fate.

Then a bush rustled, and Manny looked up, ready to face the first of the timberwolves.

I bursted from the shrubbery with a puffed mouth and a bulge under my wing.

Manny was so astonished to see me his jaw dropped. I barely gave a glance before hastily dugginv into the dirt under one of the trees trapping him. My coat was already drenched in dirt, indistinguishable from the original blue. What’s a little more? Once a dent was made, I spat into it the contents in my mouth. It was water from the nearby river.

I sputtered, “Idiot! What did I just say about survival of the fittest?! When I said I had to do what I must, the same goes for you, too!” I kneaded the dirt in the indent, softening it up so that I could dig even faster. “You’re supposed to struggle, fight tooth and nail to the bitter end even if your bones break! Do everything in your power to live another day because you feel that you deserve to! That’s what living is!”

In my rush to dig a damn hole, I didn’t notice my hoof crack under the labor. My hooves were already numb by then, and it’s not like they’re meant to shovel hard dirt! The howling got louder—no, they’re already here. Shadows flickered behind the plant life as the song reached its crescendo, but there was no mistaking the yellow glow of their eyes, watching us.

Manny just stared in awe and his eyes glistened at my speech, but his expression also implied weight to another thought: Why? I felt the question bore into the back of my head as I dug in mad desperation.

And then they emerged. Timberwolves, dozens of them, slowly crawled into the open, not to be cautious but to be menacing. Their joints clacked with each step. Every lucid thought in my head screamed at me to run and leave the manticore to the wolves, that I was going to die. Gritting my teeth, I stayed. I swore to see it through to the end!

“It’s not wrong to come back,” I hissed, more at myself than Manny. “I know it sucks to care, but I can’t help but give a damn anyways! In the end of the day, I refuse to feel like shit again!”

The Timberwolves stalked close and Manny looked fearfully at them, but when he glanced down at me and my battered, overworked hooves, his fear was overridden by something else. Be it from my speech or my effort, that something welled up in his soul. Whatever it was, it filled him with determination. 

This was no time to sulk, it was time for action!

“Raaaaaaaaaaaaaawr!”

The roar thundered the clearing with the command of a king! Manny widened his stance despite being encumbered, challenging the timberwolves with a indomitable growl. To the extravagant display, the timberwolves backed away, cowed. Despite everything, I smiled.

I heard the thumping of dirt. A bigger wolf emerged, mean and gnarly, sporting more branches than mere sticks. He snarled angrily at the pack, as if urging to attack already. This asserted him as the Alpha in my mind. Growling as well, the timberwolves eased in. Finally, like rubber snapping, they sprung forth.

Manny batted away any that came close. He clawed with his paws and swung with his scorpion tail. Meanwhile, I continued to dig under his protection. I was close, so close! I heard a snarl to the side and turned just in time for Manny to crush it like toothpick. I flinched at the resulting debris.

I didn’t dare watch as the sticks emitted an eerie green glow and began to condense. More and more, sticks piled around us as Manny savagely defended me, but the appearance of magic accelerated the beating in my chest. It wasn’t a good sign. Soon enough, the sticks reformed a timberwolf to dive in again.

The hole was finished. I finally took out the item under my wing. Between my hooves was a sparkling, rainbow apple with a lightning-shaped stem—a zap apple. 

I wasn’t just sightseeing when I enjoyed the view on the mountain. I memorized landmarks and flora...especially potential sources of food. I didn’t pick it up for something to eat, oh no---I picked it up because I remembered its properties displayed in the episode of FiM, “Family Appreciation Day.”

I bit into the zap apple without hesitation. And it bit back. My tongue buzzed from the taste, sweet as apples yet electrifying as hot sauce. However, I refused to savor it as I spat it out and looked at the core of the apple. The seeds were exposed. I dunked the seeds into the hole and then scrambled to cover it back up.

“Grow dammit!” I shouted, finishing the deed! “Granny Smith, you better be right!”

But that was all I got to say before the Alpha slipped by Manny’s paws and latch into my tail. I yelped, slipping from under my hooves as I was dragged to be served to a waiting pack of timberwolves.

Manny wailed in grief as he struggled futilely to come to my aid.

“Shit! Shit!” I twisted around and kicked at the Alpha.  “Stupid! Dog! You!” He refused to budge and continued to drag me out of Manny’s reach. I could no longer focus on him though. With me away from the strong and buff manticore, the other timberwolves switched to easier prey.

I punched, flared and screamed. I warded them off for a few seconds before one of them dove in and caught my hoof. Instantly, a flash of weakness passed over me. I didn’t dare to find out what happened next as I tore my hoof out along with its jaw. The timberwolves dog-piled onto me, and it was only through my merciless squirming that they didn’t get another solid bite in.

Seeing that his pack wasn’t able to do me in yet, the Alpha ominously circled around. The timberwolves attempted to pull away my limbs from all sides. Laid on my back, I was too preoccupied with anything else. Manny sounded from where he was, helpless to watch. The nauseating smell of decayed wood assaulted me. Sticks and leaves were all I saw until, suddenly, the timberwolves dispersed.

The Mare in the Moon was the first thing I saw before the Alpha bit down.

“Aaaaugh!”

Agony, pure agony. The wooden teeth didn’t pierce anything, being merely sticks, but the world of a thousand needles reigned in every part of my body.

The Alpha held firm around my head, wriggling for a better grip. I screamed until I could only rasp, slapping my feathers into its face—anything to get him to let go! But I couldn’t do it. Numbness overtook my body, starting with my extremities. My wings fell to my sides and my wobbly hooves were the only limbs fighting back until they too began to slacken. My neck strained as I went limp.

Desperation hammered my engine to stay alive, but darkness seeped from the corners of my eyes.  With my head upturned by the Alpha’s mouth, I saw the horror in Manny’s face as he watched me get mauled. For the second time, I was dying. I would laugh if I could. So boring, so lame—about to be done in by one of the MLP fandom's common cliches. 

I didn't want that. Not again.

Black soon neared the center, at the cusp of becoming a void...

...

A spark.  

My eyes found light when I saw it, the crackling of electricity coming from the spot where I buried the zap apple seeds. I smiled. 

About time.

Crack! Boom!

Nature’s fury thundered across the Everfree Forest as, in a fit of magnificent lightning, a zap apple tree instantly grew from under the roots of the curvy oak and tore it to shreds!

And so, one of the split paths shattered. Everything paused. Slowly, the timberwolves looked with fear crawling to their eyes. A might paw crushed one instantly.

Manny, now free, gave hell to the timberwolves. He snarled in rage and charged. The Alpha was forced to let go of me to escape, but it was too late. Manny tackled the wolf to the ground and then roared into its face before slapping it around like a rag doll. The lesser timberwolves tried to get one in, but they all met a pitiful fate versus his scorpion tail. It wasn’t a fight. It was a slaughter.

The Alpha’s confident visage broke, now just terrified prey desperately trying to escape a lion’s wrath. Manny pawed and slammed, chipping away whatever protection the Alpha had until he was a nothing more than mangled vegetable. For the final finish, he bit on the wolf’s leg and swung it to the skies! Manny threw him with such strength that the Alpha finally broke into splinters as he disappeared into the sky.

The remaining timberwolves stared up at the sky and then at Manny. Manny growled menacingly. And just like that, they whimpered and cleared out in record time.

When the last timberwolf went out of sight, Manny quickly went to my side and gently nudged my barrel. He hummed, worried.

“I...I’m alive,” I croaked. Everything but my mouth was numb. “Thanks for the save. Good job.”

Manny preened at the praise. I huffed. Down with that ego, man.

Our victory was short lived. Howls suddenly erupted throughout the forest. This time it was louder, more numerous. Manny swiveled around, startled at the sheer volume of the howling. 

But then he turned to me of all things. Even though I was weak and useless now, he still poured the fear and hope in his face onto me. He could’ve saved himself now that he’s free, but he chose to stay with me. He’s entrusting his life on that choice. Heh. Same how I entrusted my life to mine.

“Haha,” I laughed humorlessly. “If you look at me like that, how could I say no?”

___





“Go straight into this direction until I tell you to stop.”

That was the only order I gave him before I bit down on a tuft of Manny’s crimson mane and hung onto his back. We sped off at breakneck speeds. We galed across the open path and past the shadowy trees, the Mare in the Moon lighting our way.

The night seemed ablazed with fireflies at hyperspeed as illuminated predatory eyes blurred in pursuit. Tens. Dozens. Hundreds! The timberwolves infested the shadows beneath the forestry and weaved between the trees like water in a tidal wave. The army of footsteps echoed an ominous rhythm in the dark, sticks and leaves snapping and cracking. 

The noises were gaining on us while Manny cleared substantial distance with each stride. Smooth, but turbulent for me. I bounced at every beat as I struggled to keep hold. My limbs hardly recovered, barely clamping around the rest of Manny’s back.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to suffer long,

I shouted through a mouth full of hair, “We’re here!”

We emerged into an open clearing and Manny skidded to a halt. The legion of timberwolves surrounded us while beneath their shadowy shroud. The yellow eyes piled and piled across the black canvas of dark, the shuffling of wood broken by an occasional snarl.

I simply released my hold on Manny and slipped out of his back, falling unceremoniously to the ground with a thud. The manticore was kind enough to set me upright as I soothed the abuse my jaw took. He didn’t understand why we stopped here in particular but he placed his trust in me and was willing to follow it through, settling into a wide stance as he growled for a fight.

“Easy, easy.” I calmy caressed the red of his mane with my muzzle. 

He stopped but was visibly puzzled. 

I faced the thousands of eyes that encircled us. Their growing numbers had reached the point where the clearing tinted with a yellowish hue, a testament to how impossibly numerous the timberwolves were. Despite that, I was stone-faced calm, unflinching to the predatory stares.

“No matter how close you look at it, we are definitely surrounded. But…” I leaned down to gently whiff a patch of Poison Joke, “...take a step back to see the bigger picture, and then it’s not all so bad.”

Not just that patch, Poison Joke was everywhere. It coated the clearing, adorned the shrubbery, infested the stones, and climbed the trees. In the realization, the rustling, the snapping, the eyes—everything stopped. The clearing went dead silent. I smiled as one of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’s most iconic magical plant stole the Everfree’s breath away.

This was another landmark I saw from atop the mountain.

I spoke daringly toward the glowing eyes. “So, you can just go on ahead, try to fight a manticore and then get duped on by a plant...or you just be on your way. My advice?” A narrowed stare bore through the crowd accompanied with a threat: “Make my goddamned day.”

The timberwolves whimpered amongst themselves like a pending council. It didn’t take long; the decision was made. It started out slow, the yellow receding and winking out, but as the seconds ticked, more and more of them left the scene until, finally, like a closing curtain, all the eyes were gone. Not a speck of yellow remained and the horrendous odor faded.

When the last of the smell tapped out, I collapsed onto Manny’s side with a deep, riveting sigh. The exhausted manticore laid down as well, closing his eyes. Bathed in the moon’s spotlight, we both breathed blissfully in the end of a long road. Inhale. Exhale. Manny’s side rocked me with each breath.

We did it. We won our peace and our happy ending. 

A sudden tiredness overcame me and a slight trail of an ethereal mist caught my eye. I followed it and felt over where it led—my forehead—with a hoof. There was warmth over the numb spot where the Alpha bit. I gasped and pulled my hoof off. It wasn’t blood. No, more like it didn’t exist in this world, I realized, only an equivalent.

“We...got off on the wrong foot,” I suddenly said, staring at the warm sparkling mist on my hoof. 

A grumble and then a hum.

“Yeah. Duh, I know,” I chuckled. The misty hoof fell limply to the side. “Name’s Tutorial Blues. Nice to meet you, Manny,” I murmured softly.

Manny just purred. Knowing he heard me, I relaxed my head on his scruffy fur.

The crickets lulled us to sleep as the blue flora and leaking mana danced around us in the midnight breeze.


___





It’s not wrong to come back. 

It’s the heart of nostalgia to recall the good times. Even though things end, the experiences were real. There’s only regret that it didn’t last longer, not regret that it happened at all. 

A TV enthusiast would revisit his childhood show. 

Best friends would gather around in a holiday to talk about old times. 

A man would smile as he shared his photo to his sons and daughters. 

A former couple would smile at a each other’s bright text message, knowing that the other is happy in the world. 

To start over along a path already traveled by is like an attempt to re-experience it, to relive something except with an entirely new perspective. If I had realized this...I wonder if I would’ve acted differently in how I treated my memories with others. Those people in mind were just faceless profiles without a recognizable name. Recalling them felt hollow.

How hypocritical for a Brony who once boasted the ideals of friendship. When I felt like shit on my bitter days, it felt wrong to revisit the good moments after tarnishing them. Shame, guilt, anger... Mistakes were made. I fell harder like no other with no other direction left but up.

But maybe, just maybe...I don’t have to feel so shitty anymore, now that I could remember. Although I had a perfect photographic memory of my past life, the problem was that it was too perfect. I couldn't tell if I was mentally a brat or a stuffy middle-aged man anymore. 

Nor I could tell if I was the Brony from back then or still the cynical existential crisis I am now.

Maybe that's another reason why I decided to reincarnate to Equestria: To jump down from the lonesome mountain top and start from the beginning to find out.


___





I snapped my eyes open.

The soothing sensation of a woolly blanket welcomed me. My ears flickered at the bubbling of a pot and the crackling of fire. I felt warm. I blinked, feeling conscious of the tightness over my forehead—bandages over the wound. Glancing around I saw the decorative masks along a wall near the ceiling. Expressive, yet their tribal appearance didn’t detract from the homely atmosphere. After all, I knew one of them symbolized “hello.” 

“Ah! From deep slumber, it seems you are awake.”

Slowly, with disbelief written in my face, I turned to the voice.

“I’m glad I won’t have to force down the medicine you shall take.”

Zecora smiled warmly at me with a wooden bowl of soup, a friendly beginning of a new day in the wild happenings of the Everfree Forest.

I couldn’t help it—I chuckled. Not best pony, but it’s close enough.
> Elements of Harmony, Part 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Huh. To think I was so close.”
 
I laid a hoof against the soft bark of a newly grown zap apple tree. The remains of the pierced oak were left messily to the side, a portion of the stump split in two. It was a spectacle with violent and frightening implications.
 
Manny walked up and purred besides me, oblivious that it also could’ve been him. One mistake, and he’d be a skewer. Fortunately for him, I accounted for that and acted precisely. Otherwise, last night would’ve been my first and last in this world.
 
A clopping sounded behind me, and I turned to face stripes, a simple brown cloak, and a smile.
 
“It seems your story holds truth,” Zecora noted as she stared up at the steep mountain cliff face ahead. “At this height, you luckily didn’t break more than just a hoof.”
 
“Yeah...lucky me.” I took a breath and sighed, rubbing my head. I flinched. I felt the scar tissue, which ran diagonally my forehead, but nothing could be done about it. It was there to stay. Better not dwell too long about last night... “Let’s keep going. Just half an hour away, right?”
 
“That is indeed." Zecora nodded sagely. "But in the Everfree, take heed.”

It had been days since Zecora found me. She helped me recover from my stand off with Manny against the timberwolves. The shaman was a hospitable host, even if the taste of her concoctions was left to be desired. Under her care, I learned a great many things.

My injuries were serious, but were treatable. Mana Deprivation, Zecora said. All living things use and rely on mana, not only as a tool but also as a life force. The numbing sensation during my struggle with the timberwolves? That was them sucking my essence dry. I shivered just thinking about it.

Background music was real in this universe: another discovery. I smiled thinly as I recalled the atmospheric shaman melodies during my stay. Even now, I could hear it from Zecora beside me...so long as it wanted to be noticed, if that made any sense. Sometimes I hear it, and sometimes I don't. It only ever plays whenever Zecora was around. When I asked, she looked puzzled. She wasn't aware of any music. At the time, I stumbled over my words and it turned into a talk about her homeland's music.

She enthusiastically obliged.

I told her my version of the story, that I was a traveler who happened to have taken the wrong turn and gotten lost. I’d rather keep my humanity and sudden popping into existence a secret. The events I experienced, though, I told truthfully.

She was nothing short of amazed. Apparently, it was unheard of for a pony to survive against a pack of timberwolves, let alone fight it off. Even stranger, I did so back to back with a manticore. Our bond was a peculiar one. If it weren’t for the poison joke, the wolves would have outlasted us. In fact, Zecora found me leaning next to Manny while on her way home. The field of poison joke was the same exact one from “Bridle Gossip.”

As for Manny? He was my constant companion besides Zecora throughout my recovery, napping outside the hut like a guard dog. Zecora didn’t mind. Rather, she welcomed him. He warded off the lesser predators durng his stay.

When I was able to move out of bed, I was, in her words, ready to reconnect with my own kind. That led to now. We're all heading to Ponyville. Knowing that I was so close to my destination last night, it felt a bit frustrating. If I had just turned my head instead of admiring the sunset, I could've seen it from the mountain top! Too bad the ledge gave way before I had a more thorough look.

Eventually, the trees began to thin out, and it was time for Manny and I to part ways.
 
“So.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I faced the manticore. Past his predatory gaze, he held such a soft, cartoony teddy bear-like look that I thankfully found it easier to flow out the words. “I guess this is farewell. It’s been nice knowing ya, even if we started out roughly—wha?!” 

Against my expectations, Manny snorted and licked me. Licked me. 

"Oh?" Zecora giggle delightfully beside me. "It seems he likes you so."

I was dumbfounded. However, by the manticore’s bemused expression, his message hit home. My cheeks stretched comfortably, even as the saliva slid down from the movement. “Hehehe,” I chuckled lamely. “Right, right. I was supposed to say ‘until next time.’” I huffed. “I swear, you’re a handful.”
 
Manny's cheshire grin returned, and then he slyly prowled back into the Everfree Forest, satisfied as a leopard. When his figure disappeared, I stared evenly at the foliage for a minute before Zecora urged me to keep on going. Despite the partings...I felt warm.
 
Zecora and I soon broke through the treeline with Ponyville in sight. I was excited. Here I was, a Brony in the land of Equestria. Nothing special, really. Death explained how others can experience similar depending on their wish of reincarnation. Was this how other felt? To practically to live a cartoon? I smiled inwardly at the thought. The shenanigans that I first experienced during my earlier years into the fandom... Will I find those feelings again? Already, I could hear and see the jovial ponies up ahead. 

But in the instant we entered Ponyville proper, a single mare noticed us and gasped. The others noticed and horror filled their faces as they turn tailed and streaked away. Hush gasped echoed throughout the town and, within seconds, they disappeared. Done. Just like that.

Homes were deathly still, Shops were closed...  We passed by an outdoor restaurant, the piping hot food abandoned on the tables an eerie reminder of their recent presence. The colors dulled in absence of the vibrant variety of the ponies, a few sign swaying as proof of their hasty exit. In their place was a lonesome void. When the signs stopped creaking: Silence. Like a ghost town. 

“Bridle Gossip” didn’t happen yet, I realized, so the ponies were still afraid of Zecora. How long did Zecora go through it all? Outcasted by ponies too scared to come out and unravel the “mystery” of the zebra?
 
We stopped in front of Ponyville Hall, desolate as all the rest.
 
“Well, this is my stop,” I said lamely. The atmosphere didn’t help.
 
“I am sure you will have better luck in your endeavors,” Zecora comforts. “For now, I must continue mine, to the Everfree I reenter.” Wishing me well with a smile, she trotted back the way we came...as I watched helplessly the heaviness in her steps... 
 
When she disappeared around a corner, I finally felt the weight of my circumstances: A brony in another world, starting with nothing but a useless pair of wings and a half-assed past. The excitement left me, replaced with a sense of abandonment as I just stood there, now alone in a town of a friendly community that seemed so empty and forgotten.
 
It was familiar.
 

  
Revisiting Lessons - Chapter 2: 
Season 1 Ep. 1
Return of Harmony, Part 1




-Three Weeks Later-

 
“Hey, Tutorial!”
 
I, Tutorial Blues, sighed as I set down the book. Being the temporary attendee of a library, where hardly anyone or anypony visited, one would expect that my morning, afternoon and evening, would be spent in peace and solitude. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. Not when Pinkie was in town. 

The pink pony’s bouncy mane teasingly brushed mine as it consumed my personal space. I didn’t shy away. There’s no point, only poofiness as she would just lean closer. I’d rather save myself the effort.

“Good morning, Pinkie Pie. Welcome to the Golden Oak Library. How can I help you?” I dryly recited my greeting. Knowing my luck and today’s occasion, I’ll likely be involved in a surprise party for a particular purple unicorn. 

Suddenly, I found myself tight in her grasp.

“There’s a new pony in town!” She shook me with glee. Startled, I weaseled myself off instinctively. Not at all minding it, she proceeded to talk my ear off. “I met her while preparing for the Summer Sun Celebration! When I saw her, I was like—” she gasped long and exageratedly “—then left! I bet she’s sooo surprised! She’s purple, has this straight-mare mane, and—and—!”
 
I gently placed the hardcover of the book to her lips. A simple and seemingly natural action, borne from constant practice. Like a miracle, she stopped talking.  
 
“You don’t have to tell. I’ll think of it as a surprise,” I said with a thin smile. I’d rather not be given information that I already knew. Cheekily, she nodded and accepted my suggestion. I then went to the main point of the matter. “So...when’s the party? And where?”
 
She gasped. “How did you know I’m going to throw a party?! Are you mind reader?”
 
“Pinkie,” I said tiredly as I absently laid my eyes at the pages of the reopened book, the words making less sense as the conversation went on. “I got a party when I first got here, another as a week-anniversary, and a third as an excuse to get me friends. Knowing my own welcome, this isn't all that different. So, the question?” 
 
She lights up like the morning sun. “Oh! This evening right here!”
 
“...here?” I already knew that it was the case, but I had to ask to keep up appearances. I’m a stranger here, after all. “Aren’t libraries supposed to be quiet?” I grumble.
 
“Yep!” She explains, “I heard from Mayor Mare that a surveyor is staying over your place, so I put two and two and two and two—” hooves, more than what a pony should have, appeared consecutively at each ‘two’ she said “—together and so here we are!” She took a deep breath and grins at me with an expectant squee and sparkling eyes.
 
I deadpanned at her. It was several episodes too early to make that gag.
 
I wondered if she honestly expected that it’s allowed for a library, a place of public learning, to suddenly be a place for public partying. I helplessly smiled a bit though. It’s silly to hold against a cartoon character for doing cartoony things. 
 
Besides, Pinkie observed right: I was assigned to welcome our visitor once she visit the library. It wouldn’t do to leave Twilight Sparkle alone without showing off Ponyville’s hospitality. Also, because I was free and they really needed the hooves to welcome her... Yeah. With everyone being so busy, enlisting my help was...somewhat desperate on their part. I willing obliged anyways.
 
“Although, calling the library my place is a bit much.”
 
“Well, you sleep here,” Pinkie countered. “But will you let me?” She pouted, and her eyes shimmered with begging anticipation. 

That's just unfair.
 
“Alright, alright...” I tiredly relented. With a dry tone, I declared with a straight face, “By the power bestowed upon me as temporary library attendant, I bless you the right to freely distribute hugs, sweets, and happiness to all who shall dwell in this domain for the coming moon.” 
 
“Heeeeee! Thanks Tori!” Her adorably bright giggles awoke something inside. Probably diabetes. “Okay! Let’s get started!” She readied her legendary party cannon—Ah. It appeared out of nowhere—and with a gleeful "Weeeeee!" she pulled the cannon’s plug, consecutively spraying confetti, confectioneries, tablecloths, balloons and more with unrealistic accuracy.
 
Bam! Banners and balloons were placed in full view of the entrance.
 
Bam! The library tables had white-pink cloth over them.
 
Bam! Cupcakes were armed and ready for heavy duty consumption.
 
Bam! Streamers, streamers everywhere. And was that glitter?
 
I lifted my books off the table I’m at and then—
 
Bam!
 
—entire sets of board games lay crookedly in their place. Casually, I motioned my wings, straightening the sets into a neater pile.

My brain shivered from the blatant disregard of this universe’s physics engine, yet I took in the show like the cartoon enthusiast I was.
 
This went on until, finally, the whole room was adorned with all manners of lively colors. The entire library looked more than worthy of a simple surprise party overall. It was as though Pinkie spent this week’s entire party supply, and I would’ve thought it a superfluous gesture if I didn’t recall my memories of the first episode. After all, the party was going to last all night. 
 
...I am so sleeping in after the Summer Sun Celebration.
 
“You’ve outdone yourself,” I complimented, “This doubles as a party to wait for the actual Summer Sunset Celebration as well?” 
 
“Yepperoni!” The party cannon disappeared into her mane with a comedic plop. “This isn’t the real party, but this will be an appetizer for the big one!” she said with a bombastic grin.
 
“Yummy,” I commented listlessly, returning to my book to turn another page. "Anything else?"

"Oh! Before I forget, Mayor Mare told me to pass a message on to you!"

"Did she say something along the lines of 'smile, don't talk too much, and be hospitable'?"
 
She then looked at me in suspicious. “Are you sure you aren’t a mind reader?”
 
“Yes, I am sure. Mayor Mare's orders were rather...specific when Rainbow passed on the same thing. As did Cloud Chaser. And Golden Harvest.” My face couldn't get any blanker than it already was as I listed off the names.
 
Pinkie suddenly appeared right beside me from under the counter, wood creaking as if wailing from the blatant defiance of reason. She then reached over, her face centimeters away from mine, and whispered, “Tell me your secrets,” eyes narrowed spy-like.
 
I sighed. “Pinkie, don’t you have invitations to pass out?”
 
She gasped. “You are right! I’ll be right back and bring everypony in Ponyville here!” With a zoom, her barrel is already outside the door, her head slowly receding past the door as her mouth yammers, “It’s going to be a BLAST! You’ll have so much fun, Tori, just you wait! Watch over the party for me though, kay? Kay. Buh-bye now!” Finally, the door shuts.
 
Peace. Solitude.
 
The seconds ticked by as I glanced at a clock up the wall. Pink cotton adorned its rim, courtesy of the party cannon.
 
With yet another sigh, I set aside The Elements of Harmony reference book next to a small stack of others named The Mare in the Moon, Star Constellations for Dummies and Legends of the Everfree Forest. I breathed evenly, taking in the silence as I thought about what led me to where I was now, tracing with a wing the scars of bite marks under my shaggy mane.
 
My arrival three weeks ago had some conflicting reception. On one hand, I entered the town with the ‘witch’ beside me, directly from the Everfree Forest. On the other, I was capable of being recognized as a citizen of Ponyville before long. And it was surprisingly easy. 
 
All I had to do was meet up with ponies in Town Hall for the paper work, and I had a smear on my certificate to prove it, a result of my ineptitude with my new body. It must’ve been strange to them as I dipped my own feathers into the inkwell and wrote with it instead of the quill they provided. Because, well, no hands. They didn’t mention it at all, deciding to speed up the process for my sake, but likely theirs, too. I sympathized—I wanted things to get it over with as well. 

I could never forget the nervous smile Mayor Mare made as I shoddily filled out my forms.
 
I took odd jobs here and there. There was a request board by the Town Hall, but when I was essentially the only one using it, I unofficially ended up being the errand boy of the entire town. The work I could do was...not much at first. Although, working out my dexterity opened opportunities.
 
As for where I lived… Well, on paper, I have no residence. I just sleep in the library like a hobo, leaving the bedroom available alone. It was Twilight Sparkle and Spike’s; I wasn’t comfortable to sleep in it knowing that.
 
All in all, I was in a rut. Things weren’t going as planned nor as I had hoped.
 
But then Pinkie happened.
 
Turn that frown upside down!
 
Those words in my mind snapped me back to reality. Suddenly, I was acutely aware of the colorful decorations in the library for the first time since Pinkie’s departure. It reminded me of my first party here. Leaning back against my seat, I stared at the pink-adorned clock and watched the time tick by. I chuckled.








“Surprise!”
 
The light flashed on and I was finally ready to get back to reading again. Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon, the sole rightful occupants of the library, were startled, just as today’s episode originally portrayed. Pinkie Pie yammered her introduction as Twilight fumed over her lack of alone time. I could sympathize.
 
Perhaps I should watch on and see the events unfold. For nostalgia, of course. Wasn’t that the point of me being here?
 
However, something different occurred.
 
“Yes, I was surprised.” Then, Twilight snarked, “and libraries are supposed to be quiet!”
 
Pinkie stopped her bouncing, looking at her in wonder. “Ooo! That’s what Tori said!”
 
That got my attention. I looked up from my book in morbid curiosity.
 
She then blubbers excitedly, ”Y’know, when I saw you, I didn’t recognize you. And that means you are new! I know everypony in Ponyville, you see. But I thought, ‘if you are new, then that means you have no friends!’ And if you have no friends, that means you’ll be really, really, lonely! But then I realized I know somepony else who’s just like you! Come on, I can’t wait for you meet him!”
 
No, seriously. The party mare couldn’t wait. She dragged the poor unicorn by her barrel and sped toward me, Spike trailing behind. It wasn’t hard to find me. I was literally in the same spot all day. I groaned, irritated as the goofy strum of the guitar transitioned to a mild harmonica. Just because I did a small reference initially… Dammit, I didn’t want to get involved. 
 
The three were in front of me but I just stared, unimpressed. 
 
Pinkie introduced us. “Meet Tutorial Blues! But I like to call him Tori! Tori, say hello to your new friend~!” 
 
“Hi.”
 
Taken aback by how dry my greeting was, Twilight couldn’t help but reply with a disturbed stutter. “H-hey…”
 
“Tori is the smartest pony I know,” Pinkie bragged. “He even does a lot of things for Ponyville. He does some gardening, some repairing and even some baking for some ponies! He’d even do an errand for you if you’d ask! If you have the bits,” she slyly added.
 
“Thank you, Pinkie,” I grumbled, “I couldn’t have advertised myself without you.”
 
“No problem, Tori! That’s what friends are for!” she said cheerfully, oblivious to my sarcasm. But then she turned and said in a hushed voice with narrowed eyes to Twilight, “Watch out, though. He’s a mind reader.”
 
I frowned. “I can still hear you, you know.”
 
“See? Miiind reader!” Pinkie rasps, eyes bulging as Twilight leaned away, uncomfortable. Even Spike took a step back. Then, she snapped and hopped away cheerfully saying, “Now you two have fun! I still have my other friends to introduce you to later.”
 
That now left Twilight, Spike, and me. Joy. With a sigh, I sat my book on my lap to engage in conversation. Seeing that I was just as thrilled to meet as her, Twilight relaxed. It said a lot about her intentions.
 
“Sorry about Pinkie Pie and her...antics,” I began, “but she really does love to make people feel welcomed.” I paused, thinking over that statement. “Actually, the same goes for everyone else in this town.”
 
Twilight nods, enjoying her respite as she took a seat. Spike tiptoed to peer over the edge of the table.
 
“At least there’s one pony who seemed to have any sense,” she bemoaned. “Are the ponies in this town always this crazy?”
 
I shrugged. “Eh. Everyone here is just excited for the celebration. The thousandth year of the longest day is a bit of a milestone. Special enough to send over a graduate of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, I see.” Idly, I fiddled the cover of my book with a wing.
 
Twilight blinked, shocked. “You can tell?”
 
I gave a nod towards Spike. “That institution is the only one to legally use dragon eggs, having the royal backing to do so. For one to actually hatch? The earliest record was listed in the school’s public anthologies about 15 years ago, when a young filly did so upon her entrance exam. She wasn’t named. Privacy reasons, I read.” I stared straight at her. “I assume that’s you?”
 
The two stared at me, gobsmacked. And the goofy theme music continued.
 
“Y-yes. That’s me,” Twilight stammered, uncomfortable to meet my gaze.
 
Huh. I hoped I didn’t give them too much of a shock. I wasn’t bullshitting, either. I didn’t have to use my prior knowledge to prove my point There was both an anthology and a reference guide for Magic Schools in this very library. It probably helped that Ponyville was relatively nearby to Canterlot despite the rural setting. I had to say, Twilight had a good eye picking out Golden Oak as her home.
 
Spike leaned towards Twilight and said, “Wow, he’s good. Maybe he really is a mind reader.”
 
Thank you, Spike. I try.
 
“Who are you by the way?” I asked, eyeing the drake.
 
“Oh? Me? I’m Spike.“ The dragon waved, smiling.
 
I waved back with a wing. “Nice to meet you, Spike.”

“Same!” Spike replied cheerfully. His attitude seemed to compensate for Twilight’s own lack of enthusiasm for social interaction, of which he nudged an elbow to her rib for. “Seems like you two have somethings in common.” 
 
Judging by the smug look he’s giving to the unicorn, he believed that we were 100% friendship compatible. Unfortunately, it seemed that he underestimated her deterministic solitude.
 
“Yeah,” Twilight grumbled, brows furrowed in frustration. “It’s...interesting to meet you and all, but I’m tired and I still have some personal business to attend.” This was further emphasized with her hoof rubbing under the base of her horn---relieving a migraine from Ponyville’s crazy.
 
“Awww, come on, Twilight!” Spike whined. However, he was ignored.
 
As if realizing something, I uttered, “Ah,” and nodded. I was supposed to introduce her to her room. “I see. If you need rest, I’ll show you to your quarters if you want.” I stood up, laying my book on the table.
 
At this, she lit up. “...that’s it? Just like that?”
 
“Just like that.”
 
She gave out an audible “phew!” and I resisted the need to raise a brow at that. It seemed that her future friends gave off an overbearing impression. Thinking back to the episode, it DID seemed like the case. Speaking of the episode, I needed to let it run its course. 
 
We navigated around the slew of ponies scattered around the library. It was a tight fit, but it seemed that a majority of the Ponyville Residents were here. Initially, I figured the library would be too small for that, but I was proven wrong. Small world.
 
As I expertly avoided a certain rambunctious group of fillies, Twilight was stumbling under the insufferable might of greetings of which she was expected to reply to. Each hello seemed to put her on edge, as though a precious amount of her time would leap away if she answered. Spike took it all easily. If it weren’t for my stern strides splitting the crowd to open a path, they’d likely have a harder time going through.
 
“Here we are.” We stopped by the staircase. It was so conspicuous, I believe Twilight and Spike wouldn’t need my guidance if it weren’t for the overbearing crowd. “Upstairs will be your room. I doubt the noise level will be to your liking but it’ll be better.”
 
“Thank you.” Without hesitation, Twilight trotted up the stairs and slammed the door shut.
 
Sighing, Spike rubbed the back of his head. “I know she doesn’t seem like it, but she’s a good pony. Honest.”
 
“It’s admirable of you to try to salvage a friendship that never began, but it seems that she’s not ready to start it herself. Good effort, though.” In an attempt to make him feel better, I gently patted his head with a wing. “Enjoy the party. I’ll be by the table if you need me.” 
 
Finally, I left, idly forming up the words of an explanation I will give to Pinkie about how I technically didn’t lose another friend. 
 
Strange. I was happy with the standoffish outcome. I chuckled internally, a guilty feeling welling up as I realized why: It's still scary meeting new people. Maybe my relighted, past memories had something to do with it, but I'm an adult for crying out loud. I should've been over this. The music, growing louder, muted my thoughts.
 
I could feel Spike’s gaze on my back as the distance lengthened.









I was sulking at my table with a book on hoof. Besides Pinkie, who lamented over Twilight taking refuge in her room rather than bond with anyone, I wasn’t bothered at all. The ponies here knew to leave me alone, put off by my distant attitude to the festivities as a whole. A random pair of ponies even went out of their way to stay clear of my table. 

Something in their path caught my eye. “Ah, watch out for that ball.”

Be it because they didn't hear or deliberately chose to ignore me, they met their downfall. “W-waaagh—ooof!”
 
One of them stepped on the ball and keeled over. Her friend shamelessly laughed at her misfortune as the ball rolled over to edge of the room, out of the way.
 
“...nevermind then."

For the past few hours, my mutual isolation ran its course throughout the night. I made to resume my reading, but purple and green appeared in my peripheral. A certain baby dragon had worked up the nerve to sit right next to me, and stared. I was so tempted to return the gaze, but I steeled my resolve, hoping that the awkward atmosphere between us would deter his attempt for a conversation.

“Sooo, you do freelance work?” 

It didn't work.
 
Slowly, I turned and found myself staring at a lampshade Spike wore as a hat. He blinked innocently. Sighing, I closed my book. “Yeah. Pretty much,” I replied, watching the party-going crowd to avoid his gaze. “If I believe myself capable, I’ll take up the job as long as it provides the bits. Not much for me to do nowadays.” 
 
At this, Spike's lampshade hat bobbed as he stifled a chuckle. “Man, you're so dry. By the way, Pinkie said you are a mind reader. That true?”
 
“No,” I said, “but if you give me that kind of face, I can already tell you don’t believe me.”
 
“But I mean, it’s so neat that you can tell at all!”
 
I blinked. “Is it?”
 
Spike smiled. “Yeah! Nopony bothered to know who Twilight is before, not unless she’s in the same class or something. I mean, hello! Celestia’s personal student!” Then, he grumbles, “She always holes up in the Canterlot Archives rather than make friends. Hardly anypony gets to know her.”
 
“Yeaaah. I think you mistake me for some pragmatic social sleuth. What I displayed earlier could easily be suspect of stalking or witchcraft.” In hindsight, I shouldn’t have tried to pull a clever one to begin with if that’s the case. But what the hell, it’s fun.
 
“You sure? I think you impressed her.”
 
“Spike, I—” I stopped when he looked smugly to somewhere else. I followed his gaze to see Twilight herself going down the stairs. Her eyes were set at my table. I looked back at Spike, who smiled cheekily. “Depending on what she wants, I’ll concede defeat.”
 
I withheld a frown as Twilight approached. This wasn’t suppose to happen. Ususlly she'd hole up in her room and then Spike calls for her to come out. Only the first episode, and it seemed that I made an effect. Just what was she going to say?
 
Twilight cleared her throat and spoke, “Hey, I’m sorry for leaving like that. It’s been a long day.”
 
I shrugged with my wings. “Stuff happens. Finished with your business?”
 
“No, but that’s why I’m here.” The purple unicorn then glances around, as if watching out for witnesses. “Earlier, you said that the 1000th year of the Sun Celebration is significant because I’m here. But that’s not all, is it?”
 
In other words, if I knew that much, then chances were that I knew more. A smart conclusion. It was something that was expected of her type of character but wasn’t as respected in the show as it should. In the show, the more dorky part of her prevailed, charming and yet cringe-worthy during her moments. But right now I underestimated the intellectual in her and found myself blindsided by the result of my clever ploy. 
 
Heh. But it’s a pleasant surprise. Fine. I’ll follow along.
 
“You’re talking about the legend of the Mare and the Moon,” I said.
 
My reply brought a smile on her face. “So you realized it too!”
 
“How could I not? It’s a common tale taught to scare kids in Nightmare Night and the number 1000 is just everywhere.” I made a show to look pointedly at her. “But what’s your stance on this? Is this more than just an inspection of the celebration?”
 
It was at this point when Spike decided to jump in on the conversation. “Actually, she’s sent here just to make friends. I have the letter right here of Celestia saying that she should stop being cooped up in—”
 
“Yes!” Twilight suddenly interrupts, smiling nervously as she rips the letter from his grasp. She really wanted to keep up appearances, it seemed. “It’s true that I was sent here just to…socialize. However, if it concerns the fate of Equestria, I can not ignore this---coincidence or not---for it is my duty as Celestial’s student.” It didn’t take long for her determination to shimmer through her eyes.
 
Duty and study: it honestly felt as though she’s a soldier underneath her scholarly personality when I looked past her cartoony visage. It’s not something I can simply chuckle at. Meanwhile, Spike looked worriedly between the two of us, likely conflicted with the topic he had been trying to stray Twilight out of. But with her determination, he stayed his hand. Suddenly, a glass of punch seemed like a good idea.
 
“I see,” I said, “but what do you want me to do about it?”
 
She smiled. It seemed she took my reply as an offer to help.
 
“I want you to help me look for information. You’ve already shown you’re adept with analyzing information earlier.”
 
Ah. So that’s why. The reason was so simple I had to chuckle, taking a glance at Spike who had a satisfied look on his face. “I didn’t think that display impressed you. Y’know, for someone who didn’t seem sociable, you’re quite eager to find an ally in me.”
 
“Uh, I-I do?” She seemed confused, even conflicted, before regaining her composure. “I mean, yes, and that’s because I now know you understand the situation.”
 
To the side, Spike gasped at her declaration and pumped his fist in victory. “Yes! You acknowledged him as your friend!”
 
“I didn’t say that!”
 
I chuckled at her expense and then saved her the embarrassment with a statement, “Then I’ll just consider this a freelance job. Alright, boss, what are we looking for?”
 
“I want anything that relates to Nightmare Moon and artifacts known as the Elements of Harmony. Other pieces of info that can help us defend against her are welcome as well. And I need it soon.” Twilight tapped the table in emphasis.
 
I hummed in confirmation. However, our conversation had to be cut short by a shift in movement of the party-goers. The music stopped, but it seemed that the real excitement was about to begin as the enthusiastic crowd flowed toward the exit. After all, it’s time for the main event.
 
Unfortunately, Twilight couldn’t share the same sentiment. “It’s time already?” she breathed worriedly.
 
“We’ll just have to delay our search until after we confirm if Nightmare Moon’s return is real,” I said. I stood up from my seat and followed the crowd. “Let’s go. And whatever happens...happens.”
 
“...I hope I’m wrong,” Twilight muttered as she and Spike trailed behind. 
 
“Come on, Twilight!” Spike reached up and patted her shoulder. “Lighten up. Besides, even if it’s true, Celestia would be there to kick butt! Swoosh! Magic! Bam! And then it'll be over!”
 
Oh, if only he knew.
 
The goal was clear, but my mind was cloudy as we trotted out the door. As a Brony, I was familiar with the events of Friendship is Magic, but I never expected myself to accidentally obtain a front row seat to the events themselves. At this rate, I couldn’t play spectator as I planned.
 
When I entered the cool air outside, my first thought was how great the night felt.
> Elements of Harmony, Part 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Stay back you foals!”
 
The night was terrible.
 
Thunder and maniacal laughter sounded all throughout the wide room as the Royal Guard performed their sacred duty: Charge in and be utterly useless. As a result, Nightmare Moon simply struck them down with lightning. The bout didn’t last long at all as she stormed out of the Town Hall in the form of midnight mist.
 
And that there was my first time seeing a true cartoon villain in the flesh. Music, color, and evil laughter—the encounter had it all. It was surreal being aware of the impending catastrophe and yet assured that it truly wasn’t the end. After surviving the dangers of the Everfree Forest, my knowledge of the future was almost comforting. Almost.
 
If I muck up at all, things won’t go as exactly as planned. The future would suddenly be left uncertain. My unintended bond with Twilight and Pinkie could attest to that. At least it was nothing major since the events remained the same.
 
The ponies were in an uproar. Her promise of eternal night resonated so deeply in the crowd that I could hear their despair. Where’s Celestia? Is the end nigh? What will they do? What can they do? But in the sea of hysterical ponies, I remained as calm as the eye of the storm. 
 
One thing in my mind was certain: Princess Luna was best pony.


Revisiting Lessons - Chapter 3: 
Season 1 Ep. 2 
Return of Harmony, Part 2

 
 





“Are you a spy?”
 
I quietly sighed, walking into the door just in time to see Applejack pull the future Wonderbolt by the tail and give back Twilight her personal space. I didn’t sprint like the rest—I haven’t gotten the motor skills required for that yet, leaving me with a brisk trot as my max speed without tripping over myself. The rest of the Mane 6 were there, but I was left unnoticed as I closed the door with a soft click. Although Twilight was looking in my direction, the girls blocked me from view.
 
“Simmer down, sally. She ain’t no spy.” Applejack looked at Twilight. “But she sure knows what’s going on. Don’t you, Twilight?”
 
From there, the basic explanation of Nightmare Moon’s return went as exactly as I remembered, brief and concise. I stared up at the window near the ceiling, the moon in plain view. I admired the slight crescent of light in its blank space, once occupied by the Mare in the Moon’s image. I frowned.
 
Twilight went on, staring at the exact same view as I was. “Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don’t know what they are, where to find them---I don’t even know what they do!”
 
“I bet Tori knows!” Pinkie said, and she looked straight at me. “I saw him read something like that.”
 
What.
 
As one, everyone in the room became acutely aware of my presence, surprised. I was too, but mostly because this turn of events didn’t go as I expected. True, I read the book about the Elements of Harmony before, but Pinkie was meant to find the book herself. I even put it back exactly where it belonged just to let it happen. But then again, this was Pinkie Pie I was talking about. I suppose it was too naive to believe that she would do exactly as what’s in the show, and I had to acknowledge that the same was possible for the rest of the Mane 6.
 
Although, it didn’t make the suspicious looks the girls besides Twilight and Pinkie gave me hurt any less. I returned it with a blank look and a salutation of my own. 
 
“Hi.” It’s in dire need of a personality.
 
Nonetheless, I took it as my cue to show them the book. I trudged to one side of the library, ignoring the stares until I was in front of a certain bookshelf.
 
“It was under ‘E’,” I said, stealing from Pinkie’s original line. “Library’s ordering system is simplistic like that.” I picked off a book with a wing, heavy once it went off the shelf. “Here we are. Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide.”
 
I showed the cover to Twilight and she nodded happily. Against my expectations, she didn’t take it out of my wing.
 
“Thank you, but we need to go as soon as possible. You already read the book, right? You can tell us more as we go.”
 
She’s already trusting me to take lead. This development...wasn’t it a bit too fast? Twilight had initially denied the Mane 6’s aid, but sought out mine quite easily enough. Was it because showed myself as reliable? Regardless, she was the boss. Instead of watching from afar, I’ll be in the middle of their adventure no matter what I did. I remembered the good ol’ days where I’d marathon through these episodes splurging on potato chips without a care. What happened to those days?
 
“Castle of the Royal Sisters, deep in the Everfree Forest,” I replied. I didn’t even need to open the book. “It’s where Nightmare Moon was defeated.”
 
Everyone but me and Twilight suddenly exclaimed, “The Everfree Forest!?”
 
“What’s wrong? Is the Everfree Forest that dangerous?” Twilight asked, concerned.
 
“Dangerous doesn’t even dare to begin,” Rarity said. “Just by looking at the entrance, it’s dreadful!”
 
Even Applejack appeared disturbed. “And besides, that place… It just ain’t natural!”
 
Despite their fearful expressions, Twilight remained steadfast. When the fate of Equestria was at stake, she couldn’t back down from danger, not when she was determined to save Equestria with her own two hoofs. “Even so, we still have to get the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon.”
 
A pause. “You sure about that Sugarcube?”
 
Twilight nodded. “Yes.”
 
Applejack sighed, tilting her hat over her eyes in thought. It didn’t last long, a grin broke out. “Well, if you’re going, then ya’ll need help.”
 
“Huh?” The soon-to-be librarian blinked. “You’re coming with me?”
 
“Us included!” Rainbow dashed in.
 
“Why of course, darling! Would we ever leave a friend in need?” Rarity said. “And besides, there’s a certain pony who’s quite...familiar with the Everfree Forest.”
 
Twilight’s new friends turned, and the lavender unicorn followed their gazes.
 
I sighed as their eyes landed on me. “Let me get my saddlebag,” I grumbled.
 
As I did, I didn’t dare miss the midnight mist that slithered away from outside the window.




 
It was horrendously dark in the Everfree Forest. Luckily, tucked under my wing, I brought a flashlight to light the way. We were all traveling down a trail within the Everfree Forest, one that I recognized when Zecora took me to Ponyville. 
 
Being their guide, I was up front with Twilight just beside me. The others were in single-file behind us. In my saddle bag was the Elements of Harmony reference book and a general map of the ancient castle among other essentials. Out of everyone, I was the only one who looked prepared. Not that anyone felt any safer.
 
“The Elements of Harmony: there a total of six elements but only five are known.” I recited, “Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty, but the sixth element can only appear when five are gathered and a spark brings it to life.”
 
“Spark? But what does that mean?” Twilight asked.
 
“Didn’t specify. All up to interpretation.”
 
Twilight hummed, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Spark… Could it be talking about the magical resonance upon which the mana cores activate? The Affinity Unification Theorem may correlate to it…”
 
“Unification seems about right. It could also relate to the Metaphor Manifest Theory. The Elements name character traits after all.”
 
“You understood that?” She looked surprised yet oddly pleased.
 
“Yeah.” I sleep in a library for crying out loud. I may be a working member of society in my past life, but that didn’t stop my inner brony nerdism from consuming pony lore. Reading what’s available was as close to fanfiction as I could get. I glanced back at the rest of the Mane 6. “It would also make sense if it allows for multiple wielders.”
 
“Is that so…”
 
I obviously knew the answer, but it was better for her to come up with the conclusion herself. Otherwise, where’s the magic in telling? There wouldn’t be much meaning. Her element could only appear from what’s inside after all.
 
Rainbow Dash groaned. “Seriously? How can you two talk science mumbo-jumbo in a place like this?”
 
“Now, now, Rainbow Dash. To each their own,” Rarity commented. “Although, this place isn’t what I call ideal for small talk.”
 
“Awww, but I love small talking!” Pinkie piped in.
 
“Actually, Pinkie, keep on talkin’.” Applejack looked to the side wearily. “This place gives me the creeps.”
 
I had to agree. Even during the day, the Everfree loved to make a show of its eerie side. At night? Utterly unsettling, where every shadow could be anything. By design, the dark shades of green and brown didn’t help matters. If it weren’t for my flashlight and the moon lighting the way, we’d all be blind.
 
Speaking of which, I looked up. The shining blank face of the moon greeted me.
 
“Honestly, it was almost sad to see it go.”
 
The girls were puzzled. “Huh?” 
 
“The Mare in the Moon—the image up there,” I pointed out. “For over a thousand years, it had apparently been there ever since Nightmare Moon’s banishment. Now? It’s just gone. Probably forever.”
 
“I never thought of it like that before,” Twilight murmured, gazing up at the moon.
 
Fluttershy’s ears flickered, and for the first time since we left the library she spoke. “You miss it, Tutorial?” The forest was so quiet that even she was heard.
 
I paused in thought, taking in the moonlight. “I miss a lot of things,” I said uncaringly. I miss being honest with my feelings, for one. “At least some things have yet to change. Like the Big Dipper, just beside the moon,” I pointed.
 
“Oh, oh! Never forget the Little Dipper,” Pinkie helpfully added.
 
Applejack chuckled. “Ah see the North Star. Grandma Smith taught me that one if Ah ever get lost.”
 
“I know there’s the Twelve Zodiac, quite famous for fortunetelling,” Rarity said, admiring the night sky. “Although, I don’t know where they are.”
 
Twilight decided to enlighten her. “They’re actually all in an arc over the moon. It’s quite an interesting detail.”
 
“In fact, each represents the order of the month,” I supplied. “It basically helped define the Equestrian calendar.”
 
“You know what’s awesome about the night sky?” our resident daredevil inquired. “I get to chillax~.” To empathize, she smoothly glided besides us in such an easygoing way that I was almost jealous. “Nothing beats taking a flight with the cool breeze under the night sky and then taking a nap on a cloud after that.” Eyes closed, she flapped her wings before hitting the ground, lifting herself back into the air again.
 
Our conversation even brought Fluttershy in. “Oh! I know a lullaby that can lull you to sleep.”
 
I muttered to the side so that no one could hear, “Oh don’t I know it.”
 
“Eh, no thanks,” Rainbow Dash declined.
 
And just like that, they had forgotten the eeriness of the Everfree Forest, allowing them to march on without fear. I almost had to wonder, was Nightmare Moon hearing this as they appreciated what her night sky had given them?
 
Bliss didn’t last long.
 
A single riveting howl freezed us, and then fell silent. 
 
“W-what was that?” Twilight squeaked.
 
A nearby bush rustled and the girls gasped, looking toward where the noise came from. They waited, but nothing came out. The rustling continued elsewhere. I whipped my flashlight around, but caught nothing. Eventually, it drove us all back to back as we prepared for the worst.
 
I bit back a curse. “Another variation, huh?” I whispered.
 
“A t-timberwolf?” Applejack uttered. “This is bad. There might be more.”
 
A chill slithered up my stiffened back and my lungs went tight. The feeling of numbness and ‘that’ night flashed in my mind. My throat hitched in that moment, springing me back to reality. When I noticed my legs shaking, I seized back control. Gritting my teeth, I sat down, shrugged off my saddlebags and said, “Change of plans. This is as far as I could take you.”
 
When I turned off the flashlight with a flick of a wing, panic in the girls began to set in.
 
Rainbow Dash was outraged. “What?! So you’re just gonna run away?!”
 
“Exactly. Twilight, catch.” With a ‘hup’, I tossed my saddle bags to the side where I thought she should be. The twinkle of magic assured me she got it. “In there is the book and the map should you need it.”
 
“Y-you’re just going to leave us?” I could hear the disbelief in Twilight’s voice. “You can’t! We need to stick together!”
 
“Me sticking with you would only slow you all down,” I countered. To be fair, it was the truth. Who knew how far off the events would go if I stuck around? For all I knew, Twilight wouldn’t be able to make the realization of what the sixth element was by the time she face Nightmare Moon.
 
“Quit making excuses! You’re just chickening out on us!” Rainbow Dash said angrily.
 
Casually, I said, “I hope I smell like chicken. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be much of a distraction.” 
 
The Mane 6 was stunned. 
 
I couldn’t see their expressions but I could tell by their sudden silence. Their shock lasted long enough so that I could hastily say what I needed to. “Find the Elements before Nightmare Moon does. You don’t have the time to deal with the wolves, but you’ll be fine. They’ll be too busy chasing easier prey.”
 
Rarity was the first to gasp in realization. “W-wait. On your own?!”
 
“Yep.” If it weren’t for the darkness, they could’ve seen me smile as I dropped a huge hint, “It’s almost perfect, really. Six mares and six elements.”
 
The moment I saw the flash of glowing eyes, I kicked off with a word:
 
“Yolo.”
 
And I brazenly ran toward it, ignoring the calls of my name, and slammed shoulder-first into the most quadruped-looking shadow I could find. Impact! The creature snarled, and I knew I got its attention. I pushed off and scrambled away, encouraged by the sound of footsteps giving chase behind me. I may not be fast, but I caught it by surprise well enough to gain some distance.
 
Now that I was alone, my nerves broke.
 
“Worst fucking idea I have yet!”
 
I snapped the flashlight back on to help see my way, but it didn’t stop me from grimacing at the familiar feeling of twigs and leaves tussling my coat and mane. “Just a cartoon! Just a cartoon! Just a cartoon! Just a cartoo—waugh!”
 
I tripped as expected, but rather from myself, it was by a large root that reached to the knee of my fore hooves. I tumbled over the large root. However, I didn’t dare break stride and pushed off, flipping back to my hooves without losing too much ground. But I lost my light, laid forgotten as I blindly ran straight ahead. A burst of pain as I roughly collided against tree bark soon met me. And again. And again! The creature was already close! 
 
“Catch me a break!” I was answered with a log to my chest. “Oof!”
 
But there was a light beyond the darkness. Literally. A tiny inkling of silver caught my eye and I unconsciously grinned, renewing my efforts. I hastily climbed over the log and ran toward it. The creature was already hot behind my heels as I heard its ragged breath nipping my tail. But by then, I already emerged out of the darkness and into a small clearing.
 
I pivoted on a fore hoof and turned around to face the creature. What came was not a Timberwolf. Large as a bear with a coat of constellations and eyes of stars: That’s what I could describe the canine as it menacingly stepped forward with a monstrous snarl of its teeth-clad maw, an audible thud coming from that one step.
 
“Canis Major.” Although out of breath, I still had it in me to speak. “Of the constellation-based creatures, they’re one of the most fearsome in this forest, yet seemingly disappeared as a species. In the Everfree legends, it is said that they are the descendents of the Timberwolves a long, long time ago. At least they don’t smell as bad.” With narrowed my eyes, a sense of bravado welled up in me. “Which is why I know this isn’t real. Cut the theatrics, Nightmare Moon! I know it’s you.”
 
The Canis Major stopped. I stiffened by its reaction but stood my ground, ready for anything—hoping that it’s nothing. The creature shivered, but not out of coldness. 
 
It was out of laughter.
 
Like a mirage, it dispersed into an ethereal mist and circled around me, swimming like a shark at sea. I was trapped.
 
“Interesting.” Nightmare Moon’s voice seemed to come from all places. “Very interesting.”
 
I gulped. Just a kids cartoon, I reminded myself. The rating won’t let me die. “Although it’s great that you took inspiration from our talk about constellations, it’s not nice to eavesdrop.”
 
“So you knew I was following.” It was as though me knowing held no consequence to her. Or rather, it intrigued her. Slowly and threateningly, she said, “But now that we have met face to face...what’s to stop me from destroying you like the miscreant you are? Do you not fear me?”
 
This feeling...I was definitely scared, but not because I was in mortal danger. Such a thing wouldn’t faze me since I knew what the afterlife would turn out. Neither did the promise of unrelenting pain spook me. It’s actually laughable and rather fitting; my phobia was a personal one. “...I do. I fear you the most.”
 
“Is that so?” The circling didn’t slow down. Instead, it picked up to the point where my mane and fur fluttered along with the whistling wind. “Be grateful, welp. It seems you may be worth my time.”
 
Her dark giggles were the last things I heard before darkness enveloped me.
 






 

“Aww. Who’s a good kitty? Yes you are, oh yes you are.”
 
As cute as the scene was as Fluttershy and the manticore cuddled, Twilight anxiously looked back at the direction from where they came from.
 
Applejack noticed, concerned. “Still worryin’ about Tutorial?” The manticore’s ears flickered.

“...it’s just---will he be okay?”
 
Pinkie Pie giggled suddenly. “Oh, knowing Tori, he’ll be surrounded by a chimera, a dragon, and a sloth and then be like, ‘Okay’,” she said, giving her best impression of Tutorial. “And then he’ll make their minds explode!” She emphasized it with her mane suddenly poof!
 
“W-what if he really is surrounded by a chimera, a dragon and a sloth?!” Pinkie’s talk didn’t console Twilight not one bit. “He could be in danger! He could be---ow!”
 
Applejack nipped her with the flap of her own stetson. Realizing what she almost did, the unicorn smiled sheepishly.
 
“I-I almost did it again, didn’t I?”
 
To the side, Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “For the 16th time, yeah,” she grumbled. “Seriously, do you freak out for aerobic exercise everyday? Besides, worrying about him isn’t going to help us finish this any time soon. The faster we kick Nightmare Moon’s flank, the faster we can save him. Simple.”
 
“I can’t help it.” Twilight bit her lip as she glanced back at where Fluttershy giggled in the manticore’s licking embrace. At the show of companionship, she took a breath before returning to the others. “Wouldn’t you feel worried too?”
 
Rainbow opened her mouth but then, to the unicorn’s shock, closed it. When the rest of the girls followed suit, Twilight figured something wasn’t right. Rainbow Dash looked to the sky in avoidance while Rarity and Applejack shifted uneasily. Even Pinkie Pie stopped hopping, thinking the question over. As Twilight waited for an answer, she realized that there wouldn’t be any.
 
“I don’t get it.” She shook her head in confusion and also in disappointment. “How could you be so cold about him?”
 
“Well, Twilight, it’s mighty complicated,” Applejack rubbed her neck nervously. “The thing is...we don’t know what to expect from him. Ah’m not sure if you knew since you’re new here, but Tutorial ain’t normal. He’s as strange as the Everfree Forest. Hay, he came from here.”
 
Twilight’s eyes widened. “When you said he’s familiar with the Everfree, that’s what you mean?” She glanced around and grimaced at the dreadfulness of the forest, which appeared more and more like an abyss each time she looked. “...From a place like this? This scary place?” 
 
“Not only that, but he walked side by side with another pony who lives here.” By that name, Applejack’s eyes then nervously flicked towards the side, where the darker parts of the woods were, as if someone could be watching. “Ah’m tellin’ ya this because Tutorial is suspicious.”
 
For Twilight, it didn’t explain much. “I don’t understand. He seems...normal when we first met.”
 
“You gotta be kidding me! He acts like a zombpony, and that’s not normal,” Rainbow Dash snarked. ”It’s like he doesn’t sleep! One time, when I was out busting clouds at night, the lights of the library he lived in were still on. And it stayed on all night! I stayed up thinking he’s up to something.” She huffed proudly at that. ”And ya know what’s the kicker? I haven’t seen him flap his wings not once! It’s like he’s not a pegasus at all.” For some reason, that fact seemed to bother her the most. “That guys is just...weird.”
 
“Um, isn’t that just because he’s up all night reading?”
 
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed as if to challenge that statement. “I’ve never met a single pony who would read so much at any time of the day. So there’s no way.”
 
“I-I see.” Twilight chuckled nervously. None of the girls could see the guilt written in her face. “But is that all?”
 
Rarity hummed, a hoof under her chin. “Well, darling, these were somepony else’s words but Mr. Blues knows more than he should. He meets somepony for the first time, and it’s like he already knows her deepest secrets.” She shuddered at the thought. “If anypony told me he’s a gossiping savant I would believe her.”
 
“He’s a mind reader, I’m telling ya!” Pinkie blubbers.
 
At this, Twilight frowned. “He’s either informative or a much greater analyst than I thought. But that doesn’t necessarily make him bad or strange.”
 
Rarity sighed at her point. “True, but I can't feel comfortable knowing so little about the stallion. I heard when he signed up for citizenship he wrote in an entirely unknown language! It almost filled the entire page with ink! We don’t know where he came from or why he moved to Ponyville, only that he likes to buy hats, and only hats, whenever he has the spare bits.”
 
“Oh! Oh! I know the answer to that one!” Pinkie jumped in. “He said he always was a person of many hats.”
 
“Is that right?” Twilight said dryly, before turning back to Rarity. “But why don’t you just ask? Get to know him?”
 
“I believe Fluttershy can answer that best,” Rarity said pensively and turned to the side.
 
They all looked at said animal caretaker, who was still in the manticore’s surprisingly gentle grasp. The manticore was unusually fixated to the conversation, but they didn’t mind it much, letting Fluttershy speak.
 
When she spoke, what left was a forlorn whisper. “Um, I asked some help from the request board near Town Hall one day. Tutorial took the job. He did exactly what I said and I was happy with his hard work but, um…” She trailed off slightly, unconsciously hiding under her mane. “He keeps it so impersonal that it’s like I wasn’t talking to a pony anymore. After I paid him he just...vanished.”
 
“Huh? Vanished?” Twilight couldn’t believe her ears. Were they talking about a pony or a myth?
 
“What Fluttershy means is that he is always cold and distant,” Rarity supplied, “so much that one can’t even tell if he’s there at all. A part of the background, you could say. He’s virtually unapproachable.”
 
“I think that’s his way of being professional...” Twilight gave a deadpanned glance at Fluttershy. Talk about irony. But then she blinked as though a thought just came to her and turned. “Pinkie, you’re his friend, right? Can you confirm any of this?”
 
“It’s no secret that he’s like that. Even though he looks the same age as us, he acts sorta like my mom and dad! And my parents are super duper mature! I mean, can you imagine?”
 
“I can’t imagine,” the lavender unicorn easily responded. “No, really. I can’t.”
 
“He’s not all that bad, though! Like, he’s the second pony ever next to my sister to take me in stride like I’m a normal pony! But…” For the first time concerning Tutorial, Pinkie frowned. “I thought he’d be really, really lonely so I tried to get him friends. I made three parties so far but nopony else stuck. He’d laugh it off though. It’s like he’s okay being alone.” As she said this, her ears pressed themselves against her head.
 
Applejack decided to finish it there. “Ah guess what we’re tryin’ ta’ say is that Tutorial ain’t the type of pony we should worry for. ‘Sides, he’s at home in this forest. He can take what’s thrown at him. Let’s go. We still gotta find the Elements, and we wasted too much time.”
 
Everyone was in agreement, but then the manticore suddenly grumbled.
 
“What’s that, Manny? You want to come along?” Fluttershy inquired. “And you know the way? Oh, how sweet! But are you sure this wouldn’t be a bother?” When Manny nodded with a serious face, the pegasus giggled at his show of chivalry. “Then we’ll be in your care. Thank you.”
 
“Why, I certainly feel a lot safer with a strong gentleman escorting us,” Rarity said, patting Manny who preened from the attention.
 
“Yeah, yeah. Enough talking, let’s go already!” Rainbow urged on impatiently.
 
And so, the entire group moved on as Twilight had a lot to think about. 

When the group completely disappeared into the forest’s depths, a midnight mist came swirling where they once occupied. The mist suddenly bulged, turning pitch black. And from that darkness I emerged with a gasp.
 
The mist returned to its original hue as it left me be, parting away to reveal the silver sheen of Nightmare Moon’s chestplate, helmet, and hoof shoes. The pitch black fur soon followed, alluring toward her fierce cat-like eyes. When I calmed down, I straightened up. She and I stared at where the Mane 6 disappeared to.
 
“The more I learn about you, the more interesting you turn out to be.”
 
I shrugged helplessly. “They give me too much credit.”
 
“On the contrary. Too little.”
 
With that we turned face to face. I was short compared to her, and she had to look down on me. Her face was cold and expressionless behind her bluish-silver helm, starved for something that I couldn't even see. It was almost like looking into a mirror. A stare down commenced, her regal, solitary eyes versus my plain, blue ones.
 
“After your short feat of bravery, they did not speak of your glory but instead made a mockery of you.” Her harsh gaze would’ve made the grown stallions in this world freeze in fear, but fortunately it’s a cartoon to me.
 
“You don’t mince words.”
 
“Hmph! Why should I not? As Queen of the Night, is my word not law under this moonlit sky?” she said pridefully. However, her scowl dialed down to an idle frown. “It seems you and I are not so different.”
 
“...yeah.”
 
“So you agree as well.” Despite my lackluster response, she nodded approvingly. “You are quite fortunate, for I deem you worthy to receive..an offer.” She didn’t elaborate. It was obvious that she wanted me to ask.  
 
“And what is it?”
 
“Join me.”
 
“...!” The proposal silenced me. By all rights, I should be a nobody to her. Hell, the same should apply to Twilight. Even though I didn’t ask for it, there were people who would unexpectedly reach out for me. To my credit, I didn’t show a thing in my mind. My face was as blank as ever as I asked, “Why? Why do you find me worthy?”
 
“You are sick of it, are you not? You are dissatisfied by the fact that no matter what you do, as you work to appease your so-called peers, those bumbling fools will toss your efforts away. Why bother with petty bonds that will never last up to your short lifetime? You don’t need them, and you’ve shown the intelligence and will to already understand this.” I dared not to let my face twitch, but she went on with a cruel smirk. “Don’t deny it. I could feel the darkness bubbling in your psyche as you watched them talk about you.” 
 
For a few moments, we stared at each other. She won it out. My face softened as I let out a heavy sigh. After all, everything she said was true. “Way to hit where it hurts.”
 
Since leaving the Brony fandom, my overall relationships across the internet remained unchanged. The only difference was that I wandered, fandom to fandom, each a gateway branching to another. 
 
Sometimes I’d write fanfiction, sometimes I’d indulge in several fandom discussions simultaneously. But I never dared stuck around for too long, not after the effort I put into being a Brony only for it all to be in vain. It was pathetic how much I obsessed over ponies, especially through superficial online friendships. Even now I thought, “What a waste.”
 
Real life was, well, real life. Meeting real people never gave me the same spark as it used to ever since the Golden Age of the MLP fandom. Despite this though, I found satisfaction and happiness anyways in memes, shows, and gaming.
 
But then Nightmare Moon did something that shocked me. She tenderly lifted my chin with a hoof. From where I looked, the moon perfectly shined behind her horn as she stared deep into me.
 
“But we are kindred spirits. Just as how you acted to garner their favor, I tried to seek the same within my own subjects only to experience the same darkness as you did. Accept, then I shall recognize your efforts in turn. ‘Tis a great honor.” Then, she backed up and offered the same hoof that was under my chin. “Join me, and you shall obtain something that will truly be eternal.”
 
If her speech intended to rouse me up, well, it worked. But I feel that it wasn’t so simple. I broke into a slow, dark chuckle, and she was taken aback when I honed my maddened gaze at her. “I was once told to drown in my obsessions,” I suddenly said. “I tossed away my shame and reason to further dedicate to something that I thought was worth it. But you? You want eternal night." My eyes narrowed. “How bad do you want it?”
 
Steel in her eyes was her answer. “Enough to do whatever it takes.”
 
I made sure that she couldn’t see it, but I felt pity for her. Nightmare Moon, no, Princess Luna was so estranged that she’d resort to a roundabout method like this to have a friend of her own. But I guess this worked for the both of us. She wanted to be recognized, and I wanted to belong. I couldn’t help but accept.
 
“Vague,” I said. “But alright. Fine. I’ll join you, but only in one condition.”
 
Nightmare Moon frowned. “State your terms.”
 
“Achieve what you desire.” I looked at her, smiling wryly. “It’s good to have a decent resume before acquiring a leading role, yes?”
 
Nightmare Moon’s eyes widened in surprise at the odd request. Then, she started laughing. I didn’t know why, but I felt that it's coming on to me. “Very well then! I shall prove to you that I’m worthy to be your new ruler!”
 
And so, I took her hoof before darkness enveloped everything once again.
 



 
“It’s a shame that Manny couldn’t cross the bridge,” Rarity said as they entered the ancient castle of the Royal Sisters. The walls were toppled and the building was exposed to the night sky. Age did not treat it well. “He’d be quite helpful against Nightmare Moon.”
 
“Tell me about,” Rainbow Dash agreed as she flew beside overhead. “Would’ve been so awesome if we had our own manticore to kick flank with!”
 
Applejack chuckled at the image. “Tutorial’s map led us straight to him, but ah guess it wasn’t so bad. Hay, ridin’ on his back turned out to be faster. Tough fella could carry all of us.”
 
However, Twilight noticed that something was wrong with Fluttershy, who seemed to turn back where they left Manny at on occasions. “Fluttershy? Is there anything wrong?”
 
“Hmm? O-oh, nothing. I was just thinking about what Manny said during our lovely conversation.”
 
“What about it?” Twilight asked with raised brow.
 
“He mentioned that a friend ‘suggested’ him to rest where we first met.” The animal lover smiled. “Whoever did must’ve cared for him. The open space was quite nice for a large creature like Manny.”
 
“O-oh. Is that so...” Since it turned out to be nothing important, Twilight didn’t mind it. But enough of that, because they had finally found what they’re looking for. She gasped when she saw it.
 
It was just like in the pictures of the book. The Elements of Harmony, in the form of stone spheres with shapes carved into each, laid on their own respective pedestals like candles to a chandelier.
 
“The Elements of Harmony! We found them!” Twilight said.
 
Little did they know that I was watching. From a nearby tower, I sat in wait. With the entire roof missing, I had a decent view of them and could make out echos of their conversation. I shifted away from the open window I was viewing from, turned around and leaned against the window sill. 
 
Before me was the final stage for the premiere’s climax. It was a wide and spacious room, and it was here where Nightmare Moon will be defeated by the full brunt of the Elements of Harmony.
 
Speaking of, Nightmare Moon left me here to have me watch her steal victory right before their eyes. It was fine by me. That just meant I finally found my spectator’s seat, leaving me time to think.
 
All parties arrived at the castle at around the same time. It seemed my stalling and Manny’s transportation service had paid off. Their long-winded gossip about me took way too much time, and a single change could deviate from Twilight’s epiphany.
 
I’ve waited over three weeks in Human time for this. In Equestrian time, it would be four weeks since this world’s calendars had five days in a week. Nonetheless, those days were spent in anxiety ever since my reincarnation. The Human in Equestria fanfictions with a similar premise to mine made it seem so easy. I blame my cliche encounter with Manny for my fear of possible alterations of the timeline. Honestly, he really was a handful.
 
And then there’s my bond with Nightmare Moon. At the very least, she’s still best pony deep down. Even if things suddenly turned out for the worst, I fully intend to follow through with our deal. I either become her most loyal subject or she taste the rainbow. Yet, just thinking that, I felt oddly okay with the former.
 
All I could do now was watch the show.
 
My ears flickered as a shriek from a certain lavender unicorn sounded from outside.
 
“Twilight!” the Mane 6 shouted.
 
“It’s time,” I sighed and quickly hid behind a pillar, right next to where Nightmare Moon should appear from.
 
Suddenly, there was a flash and a poof of purple smoke, and so Twilight Sparkle and Nightmare Moon appeared as expected. What I didn’t expect was the rest of the Mane 6 to arrive as well! Did the alicorn start too early?
 
“Welcome."
 
The world’s background orchestra sung. Shaking off their daze, the Mane 6 swiveled towards the voice. Cue the dramatic display of lightning as Nightmare Moon made her appearance, evil laughter and all as the unawakened Elements of Harmony in her telekinetic grasp circled around her. 10/10, would see villain cliche again.
 
“I must admit, I didn’t intend to bring you all here. However,” the sight of her feral grin caused the Mane 6 to step back, “I just couldn’t wait to see you despair as I crush your hopes right before your eyes!”

Crack!
 
I winced as she crushed the Elements as if they were glass. The Mane 6 gasped and a high-pitched string sang as the remains clink to the ground. It seemed she was a bit excited to wow her audience.
 
“Nooooo!” As if a linchpin had been pulled, Twilight wailed. Her legs collapsed, her eyes glazed. “No...no...I can’t fail!”
 
Nightmare Moon laughed maniacally at their reaction. “Surrender! Without your precious Elements, you can never hope to defeat me! The Night. Will Last. Forever! Mwahahaha!”
 
Twilight didn’t reply, her head bowed low and her bangs hanging over her face like a curtain, 
 
In that moment, I feared I fucked up. The premiere never had Twilight show so much despair. Despite the weight of her mission, she had always pulled through. Frustrated, I bit my cheek. Just why? What changed?
 
“Yeah, so what?!” Rainbow Dash growled protectively over her despairing friend. "We’ll just have to settle this the old fashion way,” she said as she punched her hooves together.
 
“What are you all doing?” Twilight said in a hollow voice. Empty tears began to drop. “It’s over. If we fight now, it’ll be just like Tutorial! I-I don’t want to lose any of you!”
 
So that’s why. 

I pressed my forehead behind the pillar with a sigh. I planted the idea of loss in her head ever since I disappeared. If she could lose me, then she could lose the others. And that thought haunted her. I could come out and show that I’m safe but wouldn’t prove I was on Twilight’s side. Nightmare Moon could boast about our agreement, but I couldn’t just betray her either. Even if she was the villain, it would be the same as betraying myself.
 
But I didn't have to choose.
 
Applejack stepped up as well. “No can do, sugarcube. This here is our home, and we can’t just let it go. We said it before and we are gonna say it again: We ain’t goin’ nowhere.” She winked. “And that’s the truth.”
 
Rarity. “I’ve already sacrificed my tail, so I’m seeing this through!”
 
And then Pinkie. “I still need morning to arrive so I could finish up the party!”
 
Fluttershy didn’t say anything but instead huddled up beside Twilight. In the face of danger, her kindness spoke volumes.
 
Twilight’s eyes sparked and then I knew it was all okay.
 
“You think you could destroy the Elements of Harmony just like that? Well you’re wrong!” She stood up with resolution in her eyes. “Because the Spirits of the Elements are right here!”

That was all that I wanted to hear.

A breath of relief left my mouth as I slid lazily against the pillar. I looked up a nearby window and admired the moon for the last time tonight. Twilight's speech echoed in my head, in sync with my memory like two tabs of the same Youtube video. I didn't bother to watch this time around. I wanted to think—reflect.

“But you don’t have the sixth Element! The spark didn’t work!”

I was just an obnoxious 12-year-old bringing AIDS to the 4chan board when I first discovered ponies. It was probably dangerous for young me. Who knew what stupid ideas I could get? Give me a computer, and I could find a way to screw anyone’s day.

“But it did, a different kind of spark.”

It was said that the Brony Fandom began with a random anon shitposting on a 4Chan forum. Be it because of shits and giggles or some need to make the egregious forum several levels gayer in both definitions, that anon, without a doubt, gave birth to a fandom that could contest the likes of Furries, Otakus, Star Wars and Harry You’re-A-Motherfucking-Wizard Potter. This ancestry caused the newly born Bronies to spread like cancer, get called cancer, and introduce a whole new genre of trolling and autism of which it was dubbed, “Love and Tolerate.”

Personally? I thought that it was absolutely dope, and joined the bandwagon.

“I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you. How much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me, when I realized that you all. Are my. Friends!”

I treated MLP memes as ammo for my trolling. But as I was exposed to it, I began to think that it could be something more. As other obnoxious anons began to call themselves "Bronies," posting gif after gif and video after video, I realized how happy I was to be among them. I felt I could belong. And so, I started to genuinely take an interest on the show.

I suppose it was only fitting that I was hooked by the Season 1 Premiere itself.

The Elements of Harmony awakened. 

A massive shine of color. 

A light against the pillar I was leaning against. 

A shadow casted over me. 

A cry of defeat. 

And just like that, Nightmare Moon was no more and Luna took her place. The night gave way to sunrise. Along with it, Celestia descended down and greeted her subjects, who bowed to her regal presence.
 
I glanced at Luna’s fallen form. It wasn't my business anymore, but there’s more I wanted to say. Under the shadow of the pillar, I said, “It seems I’ll have to call you Princess Luna now.”
 
“So you knew,” she muttered, still prone from where she lay. "But it doesn't matter now. I'm finished."
 
“Yeah. But don’t you still have something you want to do? What about our deal?”
 
She lifted her head in surprise. “What?”
 
"The condition is that you obtain what you want. Making amends with your sister...it's not too late to y'know,” I explained, and then smiled. “How bad do you want it?”
 
The light in her eyes brightened hearing these familiar words. She found her own spark. 
 
I nodded at the celebrating ponies ahead. “Go then.” 

And she did.
 
The other mares tensed upon her approach. Celestia was unreadable as she did the same, and the two stopped over a meter apart, meeting eye to eye. The princess of the moon may be shorter and less menacing now, having to crane her head up slightly to meet her sister's stern gaze, but her royal bravado made her seem more than she actually was. With such a display of will, the onlooking mares were riddled with trepidation.
 
“Celestia.”
 
“Luna.”
 
The bearers of the Elements held their breaths for what’s to come.

In a few breaths worth of seconds, the princesses remained unmoved. But one of them flinched, and the Mane 6 gasped. Luna's legs were shaking.  Tears steadily flowed down Luna's cheeks as she broke from the perfect mask, and Celestia's eyes widened in shock. For the very first time, the real Princess of the Moon seemed small, weak, and fragile. “I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I just didn’t want to be...alone again. Night—night after night, it was just me each t-time. Eternal night, I,” she choked a sob, “I want to take it all back!”
 
“Oh, Luna...” With tears of her own, Celestia wrapped her dear sister in a winged hug, enshrouding her with feathers that  glimmered orange from the dawn rising outside a window. Wherever the light touched, even as I looked, it felt warm from where I hid. “We always were meant to rule together, little sister. It’s been a thousand years...but welcome home. I missed you.”
 
Hearing those sweet words, Luna curled under the embrace, like a child refusing to wake up from a morning dream. “I missed you too, big sister.”

And thus, the sun and the moon had reunited and balance was restored. I ceased peaking, retreated back behind the pillar, and placed a hoof over where my heart should be. It’s warming up. Odd. Usually, I wouldn’t feel a thing for this scene, but I suppose it’s no surprise. It’s a bit more real this time around.
 
Pinkie Pie cried a river at their sisterly affection, and then stopped. “Hey, you know what this calls for?” she suddenly said. “A party!”
 
Celestia smiled as she lightly squeezed Luna, who busied herself into her sister’s chest. “Yes, that would be wonderful. Come along, my little ponies.” And with a incandescent shine of her horn, they all disappeared in a flash of light.
 
…
 
I came out of my hiding spot. My hoofsteps echoed in the now empty chamber as went to stand where they were. Glancing through an open window, I admired the happy day outside. The sun was up, the air was cool, and the silence was relieving. It seemed like a great day to be finding freedom in the chaotic foliage of the Everfree Forest. I smiled. My eyes didn't.
 
“...they fucking left me.”
 
It didn’t take too long to find Manny as he was waiting by the bridge. Apparently, he noticed my scent and stuck around. I greeted the reliable feline with a nod.
 
“Good job,” I complimented. He purred as I petted his crimson mane.
 
I should reward Manny handsomely later for being a good guide—after I lecture him about giving too much away to Fluttershy, of course. The preparations I started a few days ago with forging a map and getting him to memorize his original location in the Season 1 premiere finally paid off. Convincing Manny was easy. All I had to do was lay down my suspicions of Luna’s return and a sweet bribe, all without a hint of my foresight as a cartoon fan. I didn’t want anyone to catch wind of my human life.

I did it. I secured the future. But in truth, I wanted to see for myself if friendship could last forever as Death claimed. I wouldn’t be satisfied otherwise. If I can ensure a long lasting and flourishing friendship could exist, I will if it validated my belief in it. Even if it's just a cartoon, I desperately wanted it to be true. My hoof stopped, and Manny blinked.

“So, uh, can I hop on?” I wearily asked.

Judging by his cheshire grin, I was in for a ride of my life.
 




In Ponyville, ponies rushed to properly enjoy the Summer Sun Celebration, oblivious to how they almost experienced their final sundown. It didn't matter to them, not Nightmare Moon or the inexplicable alteration of the timeline. They're just glad that morning finally came. And just like that, the events of Friendship is Magic resumed as originally intended. How it was possible for them to be ready for another round of celebration after a sleepless night remained unquestioned.
 
A pony's glowing mirrored the rest with illogical eagerness as the ponies huddled up to see with their own eyes the newly returned Princess of the Night. A pair of fillies flew up and adorned a wreath of flowers around Luna neck.  She graduated from being forever alone, and a frail smile graced her muzzle. She gazed to Celestia next to her, who warmly nodded back with a smile as if to say, yes, this perfect happy ending was real.
 
But there was still one last thing. A fair distance away from all the fun, Twilight sulked as she watched on. A sigh broke through her and, as if by practice, glanced over her shoulder toward the edge of town, where the Everfree Forest lie in wait. This wasn't without witness.
 
“Why so glum, my faithful student?” Celestia walked up to her. “Are you not happy that your quest is complete, and that you can continue with your studies in Canterlot?”
 
“That’s just it.” Twilight looked down. “It’s not finished. I still haven’t heard from my friend Tutorial Blues yet, who’s still lost in the Everfree Forest for all knew. And just after learning how wonderful it is to have friends, I’d have to leave them. I can’t let it any of it go.”

“Tutorial?” Celestia asked.
 
To the side, Luna’s eyes bulged in realization, frazzled.
 
“He helped guide us to the Elements of Harmony,” Twilight said.
 
“U-um, now that you mentioned,” Pinkie said, looking frantically around the crowd, who shared growing concern as well, “I haven’t seen him since he distracted that wolf.”
 
“You don’t supposed th-that he’s…” Horrified, Rarity gulped. “...gone.”
 
Fluttershy felt the chill as well, her fluffy ears pressed against her head. “O-oh my.”
 
“N-no way!” Rainbow protested. “He’s a pegasus. He can fly away. It’s not like he can't—!” She blinked “...fly.” Slowly, she floated down to the ground as a thought dawned on her. "I-I never seen him flew before."
 
Applejack simply went silent as her hat covered her eyes. "Whoever goes in...never comes out..."
 
By those words, Twilight was visibly shaken as her fears came to frution. She lost him. Eye's clenched as her eyelids went wet, she whimpered, “If it weren’t for him, we might not be able to reach the castle safely.”
 
Princess Celestia closed her eyes forlornly with an, “I see,” pondering Twilight's words with a frown, only to open them back up again. “I'm so sorry, my dear student. What’s his full name?”
 
“Tutorial Blues.”
 
“Um, sister—” Princess Luna tried to say something, but her sister had already spoken.
 
“Spike, take a note please,” she said. The drake was at the ready with a quill and paper in a snap. For all to hear, she made her announcement. “I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the pegasus Tutorial Blues shall be recognized for his noble sacrifice and contribution, for without them the Elements of Harmony and Princess Luna’s return would never have been realized.”

The ponies looked at each other, conflicted, and guilt swelled among them. Ponyville went silent in solemn respect. Celestia continued, "Without the bond that marked Twilight and her friends a path to their success and safety. As shall Equestria and those he touched, may he rest in harmony."

By an unsung signal after Celestia's speech, everyone's heads bowed in prayer. One of the few sounds left were Twilight's sobs as her new friends circled around her in silent comfort and Luna's ruffled wings. The eyes of the Princess of the Night in question nervously flickered from pony to pony, lost as to how she'd voice herself.

It was a coincidence that I appear behind Celestia and the Mane 6 with a sigh as dry as a grave, mercilessly chopping down the silence like a guillotine. “Girls, I’m not dead.”
 
“What in tarnation?!”
“Eeeek!”
“The hay?!”
“Waaagh!”
 
I should’ve accounted for their colorful screams. My ears were ringing from that.
 
“T-Tutorial!” Twilight squeaked my name in insurmountable relief that I didn't deserve, not for the heavy tears that I caused, of which she messily wiped away to show face. “You’re okay!”
 
I deadpanned. “Just so you know, I’m an expert at running away from my problems. So of course I’m okay—oof!” Although, I might not be if Pinkie continued to squeeze the life out of me. I gurgled, "Air!"
 
Pinkie released me shortly enough, hopping excitedly over my well being. “Eeee! Tori! You’re alright, you’re alright, you’re alright!”
 
“Yes, yes,” I rolled my eyes, “just felt that you needed to know.”

A heavy yawn overtook me. I was up all night until morning after all. As I realized that thought, I became acutely aware of how unruly the sunlight was today. It irritated me to no end, like an unforgettable, endless itch in my mane. And so I took my leave, giving no less of a damn of those in my way as they scrambled to part a path for me. Pinkie stopped talking. The Mane 6 and the Princesses looked at me. In fact, the faces of everyone in Ponyville watching burst in bewilderment. Honestly? I could care less. I could hear my bed, made completely out of books and newspapers, calling for me.
 
“U-um, Tori?” Pinkie called, nervously following. “Aren’t you going to join us for the rest of the Summer Sun Celebration?”
 
“Yeaaah, no. The sun can go fuck itself. I’m going to sleep.”

Not once did it occur to me I wasn't supposed to.
> The Ticket Master
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

White space.

White towards the unreachable horizon, white towards the neverending floor, and white towards the endless ceiling. It was kinda fitting that my dreamscape was exactly like the limbo in which I met Death face to face. I smiled forlornly at the memories. Only weeks had past since then, and it already felt nostalgic.

That’s right, I’m lucid dreaming.

Not to say that this was how I naturally found it though. When I first came to in a dream, swarms upon swarms of memes and references littered the metaphorical landscape.

Dreams work differently in this world. Instead of the dreary subtleties that dreaming was like in my original world, dreaming in the cartoon was more vibrant and deliberate. The flash animation-esque reality carried over to even the mindscape.

Death briefly explained to me how each world will have their own set of rules. In a sense, that just meant my soul had to follow the rules of this world, human or not. Not like I could complain. Being allowed to remember my dreams as though it was real life in this world was a luxury in itself.

Turning my dreamscape empty was almost as simple as pulling the plug on a tub, or a flick of a switch. Rage faces littered the phantasmal skies in one moment and an infinite canvas in the next. Well, not exactly empty.

Exhaling deeply, I approached a door. An ordinary door, exactly like the one for my apartment in my original world, as plain as my natural tone of voice. At first, it didn’t seem to lead anywhere, the other side just bare space if one would peek around. However, the subtle sounds of inane dubstep betrayed that fact. Metal chains, surrounding it as though it were duck tape, clinked as I tested it with a pull of a wing. Tight and taught, just as I wanted.

With a satisfied huff, I backed away and conjured a beanbag to lay on. No dramatics, no effects—the beanbag just appeared as though it was always there, and I immersed myself in its awfully realistic, sinking sensation.

Behind that excessively locked door was a glimpse into my mind. My manifested memories, memes, and medias existed there, sealed away so that it won’t directly appear in the surface of my dreamscape. It took me a while before I got a hang of molding my dream world, and I wasn’t sure if it was possible when I first tried, but practice helped me fully realize how much control I had over it. My mind, my rules. The people in this world here had it good.

The reason why I did this was simple: I didn’t want Princess Luna stumbling about in my mind. Guarding my psyche from horrendous nightmares was fine, but her finding out my human origins would overcomplicate things.

That, and there’s only so much Donald Trump gifs that I could handle.

Now that she returned from the moon, building a “firewall” became a priority. To make the last minute touches, I slept in during the Summer Sun Celebration. Still am. Whether or not it’ll actually work, though, I had to wait and see.

“What do you think, Luna?” I asked outloud. “Think this’ll keep you out?”

“Twas a clever ploy!” Princess Luna, in her awesome and awkward glory, responded next to me with her Royal Canterlot Voice, which boomed across my mindscape, a classic from Season 2. “Upon entrance, a novice would notice the peace at the surface but lose sight of what’s beneath! One must look for the door that leads inside, which is also heavily guarded. We obviously knew upon arrival, but even if we wanted to glimpse within, thy defense is as impregnable as the will thou displayed during our disgraceful return.”

“Well, that’s the theory,” I agreed. Then, I turned to face her. The dream construct’s appearance was the same as when last saw Luna, yet domineering as she will be  in Season 2. “Now that I think about it, what do I do about you?”

She blinked, pointing at herself. “Us?”

“Yeah.” I turned away, not sure if it’s right to look her in the eye. “When I first accepted your friendship, it was out of my own selfishness.” I said scowling, and the landscape dimmed slightly for a moment. The dream construct noticed, glancing wearily around. “It’s like looking into a mirror. You were living proof that, no matter how great I am or what I did, I can still end up alone. It’s unfair. I hated it. In a way, by accepting your offer, I wanted to prove that wrong. But then...our bond… Is it even real?”

I chuckled humorlessly. It’s kinda sad, really, me whining to best pony. Taking advantage of my dream abilities like this was probably not healthy.

She smiled. “Even so, we are most grateful of what thou did for us.” The sincerity in her words felt so real that my eyes widened.

“...”

“...”

“...you’re not a part of my dream, are you?”

“We are not!” she said happily. “We are proud that our royal presence is strong enough for thee to notice.”

Fuck. It took a few seconds before I felt the hot humiliation. Fuck! I groaned, rigorously scratching my mane as my wings slapped over my face. The door thrummed in reflection of my embarrassment, of which I was quick to shut it up in indignation.

“It’s an entire season too early for this!” I cried under my wings.

“Do not be embarrassed, my dear friend! We are charmed by your concern!”

“Not helping,” I grumbled as I pulled my wings away from face with another sigh. “It's only been a day, Your Highness, and you’re already taking up your nightly duty. Is it okay for an alicorn princess to push herself?”

Her response was a pleasant chuckle, a contrast to her next loud lines. “If we want to get back to our subjects, thy precious princess must vigorously return to her routine after over a thousand years in absence! We are impressed, friend! I believe that few can know of our activities after such a long time.”

My eyes flickered towards the chained door. “Thanks.”

“And fret not! We know very well the importance of rest. We are still in a weakened state, but soon our true glory shall return!” Declaring this, her wings sprung forth as her hoof reached the skyless sky. “We also must apologize for the lack of royal manners upon our first meeting, but with this, we believe this shall suffice!”

I blinked. “You came to visit me?”

“Why of course, friend!” Then, Princess Luna gazed at the door that contained my dreams with a frown. “But it seemed thou had expected us.”

“...yeah,” I confirmed awkwardly. I hide my wince well as I convinced myself there was nothing to fear; Just a cartoon. “Don’t get me wrong, Your Highness, but there are some things that I don’t want even you to see.”

“We understand, but we must scold thee for thy methods.” She leveled a look at me. “Locking thy dreams away is not a healthy way to handle thy psyche. Dreams should be a place to nurture thy desires and ambitions, a resting place from the day.”

“Desires and ambitions, huh?” The words in particular rang hollow to me. “You and I both know how dangerous it could be for others.”

She winced. “We know, but far be it for us to deny our subjects the joys of dreaming.”

“Not sure if I could enjoy dreaming like you said.” I hopped off the beanbag and approached the chained door. With a hoof on the doorknob, the chains faded into a dusty, silver glow. A twist, and the door opened slightly. Dubstep intensified. I glanced back at Luna. “Take a peek, if you please.”

I stepped aside so that Princess Luna, who had a brow raised, could peep her head through the door. She gasped. My secret wasn’t under threat, though. What she should be seeing was my second layer of defense: A land of complete and utter chaos.

Disbelief enveloped her voice. “W-what manner of monstrosity is that?!”

I believe Godzilla should be roaming the fair parody of Zootopia right about now.

“Are those flying trains...fighting it? And breathing fire?!”

And Skyrim’s Thomas the Engine mod did left an impact on me…

“And are those delectable kittens falling from the sk—By my sister’s fake shoes!”

Judging by the seizure-inducing rainbow flashes alongside explosions of epic proportions, Godzilla just got nuked by a volley of nyan cats. I took it as my cue to close and re-chain the door, the blissful silence returning.

“So what do you think?” I said, smiling nervously.

“Our subjects’ are mild in comparison…” she breathed. Human imagination gave her quite a shock, it seemed. I didn’t expect it to work so well either.

“It made for some eventful fever dreams. But it doesn’t help that it makes sleep hard.”

“So thou art exhausted.”

“Yeah. Not a problem anymore, though.” I tilted my head towards the chained door. “And I get to catch up on sleep.” Rather than skipping it in favor of reading books throughout the night, I failed to add.

“Explains why thou made such a display in front of my sister,” she said with a grin.

“I regret nothing.”

“Your peers seemed to disagree.” Her eyes gleamed of mischief. “Give us company, and we shall consider not to tell that to our sister.”

I opened my mouth to reply but paused as I replayed that sentence and honed in on a single word: Company. Somehow, I didn’t really mind that. My lips stretched up on their own as a warm, familiar feeling welled up inside. I’m not sure if it’s my imagination, but the mindscape suddenly felt a lot brighter.

“By your command, princess.” Clapping my wings, I conjured a scene for us. A cozy room flickered into existence, adorned with fluffy carpets and embroideries that took in the warmth from a fireplace against the wall.I stepped up to a wooden table in the middle, a tray of imaginary tea on top. “Care for some?”

She returned the gesture with a bright smile. “We shall.”

And as I poured some, I had to ask, ”So… Celestia’s fake shoes?”


Revisiting Lessons - Chapter 4: 


Season 1 Ep. 3 


The Ticket Master






Twilight was a diligent soul. Late into the night she studies and early in the day she wakes. It was by the third chime of chirping birds when she left her room, a frazzled mane and sloppy, yet satisfied, smile as company. She yawned deeply, proclaiming that, yes, it was a most glorious sleep indeed. Now, her majestic gait down the stairway  unveiled her greatest desire: Breakfast.

When she turned her head, though, she screamed.

“T-Tutorial?! What are you doing here?!”

“I sleep here.”

Blinking, she looked down at where I lazily sat. Carefully wrapped in newspapers, each book made up the base of my amazing hobo bed. Ink and paper, proudly dating months back acted as both cover and blanket, of which I covered myself with as I laid eyes on a gripping tale of Daring Do in my hooves.

“...Oh.” She blinked again. “Um, I could’ve gotten you the spare bed.”

“A stallion and a mare in the same room? Rather not hear it from Rarity. She’d find it scandalous.” I turned a page. “Besides, sleeping in a pile of books is a bit of a dream of  mine.”

Twilight perked up in interest at my declaration. “Really now?”

“Hehe! You should’ve seen Twilight!” Spike, looking fresh as a hot potato, came down ahead. In comparison, Twilight looked like the savage. I had to admire his ability to keep up appearances even after sleep. “She’d stay up all night back at Canterlot reading books, and end up sleeping buried in them.”

“Spike! You’re exaggerating!” Twilight said indignantly. “And he doesn’t need to know that.”

I looked up from my book and stared. “Shall I allocate some of the less valuable books for your personal use?”

“N-no!” she denied with a flush.

...she definitely wanted to.

“Anyways, want breakfast, Tutorial?” Spike offered. Already with an apron on hand, he entered the kitchen as he wrapped it around his waist.

I took a moment to admire the masculine pink and frills it had before setting my book down, “Sure. Just make it light. I’ll be going off to work soon.”

Breakfast for the morning finished eventfully, but as I downed my syrupless pancakes, as faithfully requested to Spike, I caught Twilight giving a few cursory glances toward my bed. I almost choked on my breakfast in keeping up my poker face. To feel proud of my humble bed was probably wrong.

Soon enough, I left for work.





There's a mild hush in the wind, another one of its kind I couldn't help but pick up. 

“H-hey, isn’t that him?”
“He dismissed the Summer Sun Celebration...right in front of Celestia!”
“Sure about that? What does ‘fuck’ even mean? Is it really a word?”
“I don’t know, but maybe it’s a part of the mysterious language he writes in.”

I ignored the eighth bit of gossip about me I’ve overheard for the day and just shrugged my weighty saddlebags steady as I trotted through town. The ponies’ innocence to curse words was nothing new. Although, I honestly thought I would be physically barred or censored if I said some.

Still, the ponies sure loved to talk. Ever since the Summer Sun Celebration and my blatant disrespect to Celestia’s sun, their weariness of me increased tenfold. My "noble sacrifice" was completely forgotten. I half expected hostility, but then I realized that most of the populace were total wimps. Never bothering to understand, neither bothering to confront—it was the familiar cold shoulder that I knew of from my previous life. The alienation was...dark for a colorful, friendly world as this.

Their frailty and innocence can be so cruel.

Death made it clear that this world was conceived directly from my imagination, a copy of the original for my own use. My world, my rules—just like in my mindscape. If creationism was all it was cracked up to be, I’m technically the god of this world. Although, I respect the one and only Fausticorn too much to allow myself to become a false idol. Besides, I had to follow the rules myself.

Too bad I have yet to be assimilated to their society despite being very familiar with them. Still gotta work on my “hoof writing”. I was too embarrassed to admit how bad it was that I excused it as “another language.” The ponies had certain expectations of pegasi such as myself, but too bad I couldn’t fly. Officially, I was deemed “disabled.” Didn’t bode well for my resume.

I must give Zecora tons of respect for surviving in similar circumstances. I’m not sure how far I could bullshit into pony society. Working odd jobs won’t sustain me in the long run, not with the volatile nature of requests. Speaking of…

I opened the flap of my saddlebag and took a peek. Inside? Packaged pastries.

In Ponyville, they’re considered fragile goods, and this town had an unsurprising sweet tooth, courtesy of Sugarcube Corner and other stores. The bigger picture behind it though was that ponies generally buy these for their fellows as a show of neighborly love and friendship. The only issues was that not everyone had the time and most stores can’t spare the horsepower to make deliveries. And that’s when I come in.

There was a number of requests in the request board for personal delivery of these delicacies, and I managed to snag a few. I was familiar enough with Ponyville to plan a route, so, as I made my deliveries, I would pick up a few more and repeat. Although, I found it a bit odd. This town definitely had a postal system. Couldn’t they use that instead, or was it just too expensive?

I couldn’t complain. I’m lucky enough to be trusted with fragile items at all. There’s only one problem though: I get paid in pastries. The same ones I’m delivering. Not cold, hard cash but food with enough sugar to kill me.

Sighing, I lament over this world’s version of IOU’s. “At least I won’t be going hungry anytime soon.” But then, I blinked. Squinting, I saw a figure, flailing about near a humble home in the distance. “Wait, is that...?” As I got closer, I could make out a pony...stuck in a mailbox. When I stood right in front of the scene, I recognized the struggling pegasus immediately. I stared passively at her bubbly cutiemark, half amused and half bemused. “Haven’t I seen this in a fanfic before?” I mutter.

Upon noticing my presence, the pony stopped wriggling.

“U-uh, hello? Is somepony there?” The pony before me, stuck head and front torso first, was the ditzy mailmare, famously known to the fandom as Derpy Hooves. She uttered in a cutesy voice that airily echoed from inside the mailbox, “Please! Can you help me out?”

How she could manage to fit inside at all, I refused to think about.

“Yeah. Hang on.” Biting her tail, I tugged as far as I could without hurting her. We strained and grunted, but it’s no use, she’s firmly trapped. Spitting out the hairs of her tail, I clicked my tongue. Didn’t budge. “This...might take a while.”

“Oh no… I’m going to be late again,” she bemoaned.

With brow raised, I looked to the ground and then winced. There, a multitude of letters lay messily scattered for all to see. I recognized a few names and addresses, some letters sharing the same ones. Even if she got out, it’ll take some precious time to organize and clean up.

“There, there,” I said tiredly, patting the mailbox in an effort to comfort her. The mailbox clanked dully with each pat. I stopped. “Hm?” Examining the mailbox from top to bottom, I noticed the odd yet organized bits of reinforcement added along it’s frame and pole.  “You crash into this mailbox often? It’s...stitched up. And upgraded.”

“Mhmm.” I could imagine her nodding inside the box with her dejected reply.  “The pony who lived here got tired of fixing it all the time. We became good friends though!” she giggled. It must’ve been a fond memory if it brought her out of her funk that quickly. “Buuut, every time I come here I...crash and get stuck inside the mailbox.”

I deadpanned. “Always?”

“Always.”

My sight wandered to the letters on the ground. “That must've been a lot of late mail. And packages.”

“The postal service used to do packaging, but lately ponies decided to take it to the request board. Around the time the new pegasus pony arrived, I think.”

I grew inexplicably conscious of the fragile baked goods in my saddlebags and, suddenly, everything made so much sense.

I looked to where her body entered the mailbox. Near the rim of the opening, there was cotton, which allowed her coat to avoid chaffing. “Padding. You’re friend has been taking care of you.”

Like a puppy, her tail swished side to side. I had to admit, it’s pretty cute. “Oh, he’s nice like that. Sometimes, when I have a problem, he knows what to do. He even got these weird and fun inventions in his home! He practically thinks of everything!”

“Everything, huh?” That gave me a thought. Upon closer inspection, the bottom side of the mailbox seemed bulkier than it should, almost as though it’s hiding a mechanism. Fumbling around the box to confirm my suspicions, I asked, “Don’t suppose your friend is around to help?”

“He’s in a trip to Manehatten for a...uh, convention. Just left for the train this morning.”

“A busy guy then.”

“He’s always busy,” she agreed. “Always talking about the biggest thing, about these wild, amazing ideas that just goes over my head. I thought he’s an alien sometimes,” she scandalous whispers, and I choked back a spit take. She thought I was laughing, and giggled along. “But I like him anyways, even if he’s super crazy with his science thing. He’s ambitious like that.”

I perked up at that. “Ambitious, huh? What about you? Have any dreams to fulfill?”

“Dreams? I have the bestest friends a pony could ever ask for! What more could I want?”

“...is that right.”

I took a step back from the fumbling and sighed. There had to be some gimmick to the mailbox if it’s custom made for Derpy. If he’s as smart as she said, then he must’ve thought of this scenario. But hold up, then that must also mean she should have a way to access it as well. When I laid eyes on the lid of the mailbox, hanging like the way Derpy’s hind legs did, I smirked in realization.

“Oh, you’re friend is clever.”

“Huh?”

“Use your leg to push against the lid of the mailbox. As I said this, I easily picked up the letters on the ground into a neat stack with a swish of my wings, not minding the dirt. I shuffled them so that ones with the same recipients and addresses would be right next to each other. ”You’ll see.”

Wriggling once again, Derpy kicked about against the lid. There was a click and—Pop!—just like that, the entire roof of the mailbox expanded, giving her just enough room too finally free herself without further hassle.

She stretched her wings up high. “Ah~ Free at last!” She turned to me. “Thank you Mister—” But when she saw who I was, she stopped. “Oh.”

It seemed my reputation continued to precede me. As much as I felt the disappointment, I couldn’t say I didn’t see it coming. I gave her my customary salutation.

“Hi.” Still in desperate need of a personality. Knowing me, it’ll suddenly turn into an awkward staring contest, so I broke the ice and presented the organized stack of letters to her.  “Name’s Tutorial.”

She dropped it into her own mailbag. “M-Muffins.”

So she’ll go by the final official name, huh? Her name changed a few times ever since the episode, “The Last Roundup.” From Derpy Hooves, to Ditzy Doo… When I generated this world, I didn’t specify her name, just follow the original show. A let down, but nothing to cry about. It’s just...going to take some getting used to.

“Oh no! Too much time has passed!” Muffins yelped in a panic. “Sorry! Gotta run!”

I opened my mouth, but she’s already off, flying awkwardly onwards to her routine. Shame. I was going to offer her muffins. The pastries I was paid with would spoil if I don’t eat them fast enough. That reminded me: I had to do my own rounds as well.

Sighing for the umpteenth time that day, I smiled forlornly at the humble house that the inventive mailbox was associated to.  “Until we meet properly, Knights of Time and Space.” I gave a respectful nod and walked off, shrugging my saddlebags back in place.

On the front door of the house, there pinned a sign. “The Doctor is Out,” it said.





For some odd reason, the town was going wild, running around all day. Was there some event? I even saw Derp—Muffins in the crowd stampeding all over the place. It seemed that she finished her job on time. Unfortunately, I wanted to bring home bits and did a few extra requests. It took a while, but I made it through the day with some actual Equestrian bits this time.

The squeaking door into Golden Oaks Library was like an angel’s song to my ears. It meant that the day was over with. It’s evening, the moon and stars were out, and I get to recklessly binge on both sleep and books. The internet monkey life still resonated in my blood. Besides the sugar.

Wearily, I entered the library muttering, “Eating cupcakes for lunch was such a bad ide—”

“I CAN’T DECIIIIIDE!”

Not two steps, and I froze. “Huh?”

“Are you here for the ticket, too?!” Twilight shouted at me hysterically. “Because I’ll have you know that I just. Can’t. Decide!”

For a moment, I was speechless. This had to be a joke. It had only been a day since the events of the Season 1 Premiere. And “The Ticket Master” had been happening this whole time?! But it’s right in my face, the rest of the Mane 6 looking on Twilight in deep concern as she made her heartfelt ten second speech. To me. And only me. My sudden appearance must’ve put all her focus onto me.

Tired, bewildered, having obtained a major sugar crash from all the sweets I hurriedly ate, and being yelled at, I realized that I had only one appropriate response available to me. “Twilight.”

“It’s important for all of you, and I just can’t stand disappointing any of you, but all these gifts and giving me favors isn’t going to make any difference!”

I approached her, brushing past Spike and feeling no chill whatsoever today. “Twilight.”

“Because you’re all my friends, and I want to make you all happy but I can’t! I just ca—!”

I slapped her with a wing, and all who witnessed it gasped.

“I sleep here.”

“...oh.” It calmed her down instantly, the lavender unicorn rubbing where cartoon logic had yet to fail me.  “So, wait, you aren’t going to…?”

Keep up appearances, keep up appearances... Rubbing a wing against the scar under my shaggy mane, I repeated this like a mantra in my head. “Go ballistic over a second golden ticket like the rest of town? No.” Might explain all the noise though. “You had enough, it seems.”

Twilight smiled in relief and appreciation, to my surprise. “Thanks.” She then frowned worriedly as she turned back to her friends.

Seeing her so comfortable with my response after her display, and then dejected upon looking at them, the other girls glanced at each other, conflicted. I shared the same sentiment but for different reasons. Not only was I not supposed to console her in any shape or form, thus stealing the thunder from her friends, but I suddenly made them out to be in the wrong in comparison. Today’s lesson couldn’t proceed.

Damn it. I made it awkward.

Stepping up, I said tiredly, “Gather around. Let’s talk.”

At the very least, this was easy to fix.





“Everypony gets to go!” Pinkie Pie cheered, shaking me vigorously in her excitement. “Aren’t you excited, Tori?! I’m excited! It’s going to be the best party ever! There’s going to be fun, dances, and—!”

A book to her lips silenced her. “Save it for the day of the Gala.”

“Oh, okay.” She didn’t break stride though. "Dinner’s on us! I’m going to order cupcakes. You?”

“Not down for it. Going to sleep instead.” The thought of sugar sickened me to the core, still recovering from diabetic hell.

“Awww.”

“Well, ya heard him,” Applejack called by the exit, chuckling mirthfully. “But Twilight’s starvin’. Can’t leave her like that now can we?”

Nothing new happened beyond my unorthodox entrance. Word to word, exactly to my memory, the Mane 6 made up, Twilight made the letter, and everybody left for dinner possessing their own ticket. Well, speaking of tickets…

I stared at a golden ticket laid on a table in front of me. My ticket. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Twilight deemed me her friend as well after all. Although, I doubt we could get any closer than “just friends,” unlike the BFF thing she had with the rest.

The door closed, and the library felt empty. It’s just me and Spike now.

He sat next to me. “Not excited for the Grand Galloping Gala either?”

“No dinner with the others?” I shot back. The original show depicted him being gungho on being with the girls despite his misgivings of the party itself. Although, it wasn’t anything major, so I accepted it as it was.

“I thought about it, but us guys gotta stick together, yeah?” He elbowed me in emphasis.

Company, huh? I didn’t mind, and I let myself show a rare myself smile at his words. “Yeah,” I agreed. “Y’know, I think the girls got lucky today. Not everyone can get the same happy ending as they did.”

Spike raised a brow. “Lucky? You’re forgetting you helped settle things.”

“Eh, I’m sure they could’ve made up on their own. In friendship, this sort of thing is normal.”

“And you’re some kind of expert?”

“Oh, don’t I know it,” I said easily, as I listlessly found mild amusement in flicking the golden ticket around the table. “Likewise, today’s friendship lesson was incomplete.” Spike looked at me incredulously when the words left my mouth, but I continued. “It’s true that it’s a struggle to share blessing among your friends, but that’s only one side of the coin. Tell me, who are we missing?”

His eyes lit up in realization. “The others.”

I nodded, impressed. “That’s right. Their ambition or their friend: That’s their struggle. Progressing in this world is harsh. In many cases, choosing ambition will take advantage of others. And when you focus too much on friendship?” My abuse led my golden ticket to fall to the floor. “At the bottom you stay.”

“You...have a harsh way of seeing things,” Spike said uneasily.

As I picked the ticket back up, I shrugged. “If it makes you feel better, I’m a passionless guy who makes a living off of odd jobs and sleeps in a library like a hobo—guess what I chose all my life.”

“No way! You had friends beyond Pinkie and Twilight?”

“Yep. Used to. And it sucked in the end,” I said casually. The Brony life back then sure did had it's ups and downs. As he saw me at ease with my dull reality, his expression changed. For a moment, he went silent as he looked at me in wonderment. I smiled fairly at him. “But you could say that, right now, I’m giving this friendship thing another shot.”

“Well…” To my bewilderment, there was a sudden resolve in his eyes. “Then tell you what, how about I show you the sights around Canterlot when we get there. Me and you. We can call it a guys night!” he said excitedly.

“Won’t hesitate to help someone out, eh?” I chuckled. It’s so Spike’s character. “Sure.”

He pumped an arm at my consent. “Alright! Maybe along the way, you can fulfill your own dream there.” He paused. “Now that I think about it, just what is your dream?”

“Dead. Anyways, wanna turn in for the nigh…” I trailed off. “Spike, where’s my book bed?”

It was to my dismay to find out that Fluttershy cleared it away as a part of her cleaning the library to gain Twilight’s favor.
> Applebuck Season
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

An apple was on the table.

Nothing unusual there. In this library that smelled of oak and nostalgia, the apple meant many things. It’s the fruit of Eden that bore the knowledge of man and an expression of immortality. It’s given to teachers as a gift or a sign of gratitude. By a falling apple, Isaac founded his Laws of Motion and Gravity and affected human progress as a whole. Without a doubt, the apple was an inspirational symbol.

But as of right now it’s my sworn nemesis.

My intense staredown against the apple was a daunting task. Cartoony sweat ran down the side of my face, matting my fur as I propped my head with a hoof, my other limb laid on top of the apple. With a heavy breath to calm my beating heart, I lifted that hoof.

The apple didn’t follow.

“Fucking hell...” I performed the fabled headdesk, my groaning muffled by the wood of the table. Cartoon Logic had abandoned me.

It was early in the morning, and I’ve been trying to pick up the apple with my fingerless appendage ever since I woke up. For too long I relied on my wings as a substitute for hands. As reliable as they were thus far, I still needed hooves eventually.  An empty load of progress was all I got after hours of repeated attempts.

And look at the time! The original residents of Golden Oak should be waking up right about...

“Morning, Tutorial,” Twilight yawned as she went down from her room. “You’re early again.”

...now.

I listlessly fiddled with the apple as if I didn’t spend hours trying to lift it. “Morning, Twilight.”

“I can’t believe it. I was so sure that you went to bed later than I did! Now you’re up as though you haven’t binged on Daring Do.”

“What can I say? It’s a good series.“ That, and I was still used to shitposting late at night, my only substitute being books. Having a perfect memory of my past life could do that. Even though it’s been weeks into a healthier routine, years of thread lurking just won’t simply go away.

“Just what have you been doing all this time?” she asked.

I shrugged, tipping my apple along its bottom. “Trying to bypass the Laws of Gravity.” Noticing the weird look she gave me, I quickly added, “Is Spike up yet?”

“No,” she looked back at her room where Spike slept with a fond smile, “I’m letting him sleep in for a little bit. He’s been working hard.”

And as a baby dragon, he’s still growing, I figured. “Shame. Got used to his cooking,” I said.

Twilight giggled. “Stole your heart, too, huh?”

“Yup.” I nodded. And because we both suck at cooking, we’re left with alternatives. I offered my apple to her with my wings. “Apples for breakfast it is then?”

“It’s so nice of Applejack to freely give you some,” she commented happily. “She really is as hospitable and dependable as everypony else said!” Levitating the apple from my grasp, she bit off it.

I looked to the side where my saddle bag laid. It was packed with those red delights. “Yeah…” I trailed off before looking back at her. “How’s the party preparations by the way?”

Twilight’s muzzle scrunched as she chewed before swallowing. “Pinkie and Rarity said it’s doing well. I’m sure it’ll be ready by today thanks to the help of the townsfolk. Ponyville works fast.”

Just a few days ago marked the beginning of episode 4, “Applebucking Season.” While I was minding my own business, the entire town quaked and the denizens screamed and ran as though Armageddon was upon us. Recognizing Rainbow Dash’s cry of a stampede, I just went along with my day as though nothing was happening.

The thought of cows stampeding had me getting flashbacks of McDonald's and a craving for their salty french fries. Because of that, I went straight to the nearest Hayburger joint. Then, while everyone else planned out the award ceremony for Applejack who just saved the town, I spent the entire time sulking over my food. It just wasn’t the same. It was an unproductive day.

“They’re eccentric like that,” I said. “Give them a reason to party, and you’ll bet it’ll happen.”

“I believe you. I’ve seen it.” Twilight smiled ruefully, thinking back to a certain Summer Sun Celebration.

Picking an apple from my saddlebag for myself, I stared evenly at the fruit before me, both hooves firmly on its sides. I could pick it up this way, but…

“But anyway,” Twilight suddenly said, “I’ll be going out to help set up the party. You?”

I snapped back to her. “Huh? Oh. Just going to stay indoors for the day. I have…” I glanced at the apple. “...things to settle. I’ll be watching Spike then?”

“That’s right.” She nodded and head toward the exit with the apple in her telekinetic grasp. “I know you two get along, so I won’t worry.” Already out of the door, she waved, “See you soon!” and closed the door.

And with that, my facade wilted as I laid on the table, glaring at my hooves. Just how do ponies grab things? The fandom had theorized this for a long time. Biomagnetics, suction, granular jamming, and a bunch of other complex things to justify how hooves work. As a running gag: Magic, what else?

At first, I thought the power of belief would suffice, but it seemed Cartoon Logic bestowed it with lore. “Magic, what else?” just wasn't enough. I couldn’t ask how. It would make me a bigger weirdo in the eyes of the other ponies than I already was. It’s not like there’s a book on how to grab things. Who in this world would ever write such a “stupid” thing? Too bad idiots like me exist.

That didn’t stop me from trying to find such a book though. Shortly after the beginning of my ordeal, I searched and, surprisingly, found something. It wasn’t exactly a How-to on grabbing things but it’s close. It became the basis for my trials from then on.

With my head still on the table, I turned my gaze on a dusty green cover. Printed under a golden apple emblem read, Mastering Earth Pony Magic.

“The long way around it is then,” I mutter.


Revisiting Lessons - Chapter 5


Season 1. Ep. 4


Applebuck Season






A solid buck caused apples to fall from a tree and into a series of baskets. An orange hoof wiped off the sweat that matted a freckled face and then under blonde bangs. With a harness, Applejack hooked two baskets on, one for each side. The afternoon was as ripe as the apples, happy and sunny for the occasion. Even as time dragged on her stamina, her droopy eyes stayed up. The farmer labored on, robotically following the motions she had done for years.

I was blatantly ignored as she passed on by.

She didn’t turn to face me as she dropped her load on a nearby cart. “Here again? Don’t ya know when to stay outta’ a pony’s business?”

“Sorry, Miss Applejack,” I said, leaning against a tree, “but invasiveness is part of me as apples is part of you.”

A scowl graced Applejack’s hollow expression, wrinkles of fatigue under her eyes. She’s cranky from overwork without a doubt. “What kinda muddy excuse is that? If Ah ain’t so busy right, Ah’ll be bucking apples your way again.”

I rubbed the back of my head at the memory, watching as she made a return for the other baskets. “Oh yeah, Twilight wanted to thank you for the apples. She said they were delicious.” 

For the past week since the stampede, I had been visiting. Applejack wasn’t thrilled. To drive me off the orchard, she’d lob me with apples as I used my saddle bag as a shield. Hence, the apples I had in supply. Too busy with her work, not once did she face me properly.

“Glad she liked it.” A smile barely surfaced before Applejack smothered it with a frown, grunting from carrying the new set. “If that’s all, now git. Gotta finish the harvest by the end of Applebuck Season.”

I sighed. “You can’t. Not like this.”

She snorted. “Oh, here we go, back at it again. Ah told you before, but Ahm sayin’ it again: Ah can do this myself! All them apples, all them trees—Ah’ll finish them all!”

“Miss Appleja—”

“And don’t ya Miss me! Ah ain’t gonna take your sarcastic politeness this time!”

“Then Applejack, be realistic here. You need help if you want to get things done at all.”

“Ah already heard it from Twilight today.” Huffing, she made a return trip once more. “Ah’ll show ya what’s real, and then y'all know that Ah ain’t makin’ words that mah hooves can’t keep! Now, where’s the rest?” She circled around the tree, looking for the next set of apple-filled baskets. Even rounding twice, she found nothing.

“You already got them all,” I said.

“So Ah did.”

She then bucked another tree, and another round of baskets full of apples was in session. Except, she didn’t realize that she skipped a few trees and was far away from the cart.

Rolling my eyes, I took it upon myself to bring the cart closer for her. As exaggerated as it seemed, she was too tired to notice. At first, I wasn’t able to help out like this, but Applejack quickly lost her attention span after a few days. Since then, I did what I could get away with.

Shrugging off the harness and stepping aside for Applejack to load the cart, I frowned.  “Do you honestly believe you can do this?”

Her eyes flickered in hesitation before narrowing into bull-faced determination. My eye twitched as she passed by with her back facing me. “Course Ah do! Ah’m the most dependable pony in Ponyville!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter to them if you’re troubled. If you just ask, they’ll gladly lend a—”

“Ah know that they will! But that just ain’t my way.”

“But that’s being selfish.”

She froze. An apple dropped. “What did you just say?”

“You’re so obsessed with everyone’s view of your dependability that you don’t care how far you’ll go to maintain it. That’s not helping others, that’s satisfying yourself.”

“You take that back!” She turned to face me, enraged, but she’s not looking at me at all.

“Um…”

“Why Ah never! Ah I can’t believe ya had the gall to accuse me of such a thing!”

“You’re talking to a tree, Applejack.”

“Ah know who Ahm talkin’ too!” she shouted, jerking toward my voice. Still, she didn’t "see" me. “Ponies are countin’ on me and I ain’t lettin’ them down. You’re just twisting mah own intentions!”

“You’re ‘intentions’ got Rainbow Dash crashing into the library’s balcony,” I sniped back dryly.

She winced but, not one to back down, she added, “Well, unlike you, Ah ain’t out for my own gain!” and stomped.

I frowned. If I wasn’t an adult, I would’ve instigated her in petty revenge for that line. But I sighed, because she’s right. In a way, I help out the town through the request board, but unlike Ms. Honesty here, it came with a price.

Even this chat served my own interests. The My Little Pony fandom was just as crass and cancerous and cringey as any other fandom. Bronies weren’t saints, just people who liked ponies, but what made them stand out were the virtues they acknowledge in the characters; Charity, hospitality, love and tolerance and the odd attempts to apply them.

So if I were to rediscover my muse in Bronydom, I had to find it through the characters as they each learn their own lesson. At least, I hope so. I always felt that virtuosity in the internet was, in fact, self-righteousness, never in kindness. It was all about being right. 4Chan was my harsh teacher of that reality. For Applejack, I couldn’t help but feel the same even as I searched for validation in my choice of being a human in Equestria. 

Jeez, that’s enough out of me. I’ve messed enough with the order of events as it was.

“...Maybe,” I said tiredly. “Fine. Forget I said anything.”

Applejack stopped, surprised that I backed off so easily. But my quick surrender sapped her vitality as she sighed, her eyes shadowed by blond locks. “Did you come all the way here just to play games with me?” she muttered.

Pausing, I chose my words carefully. “For something else,” I shrugged.  “I’m here to make sure you arrive for Pinkie’s favor on time. You’re going to bake, remember? If you’re gonna take one of my jobs, I’ll at least make sure they’re finished.” No response. “Huh? Applejack? Um, hello?”

A music box twinkled in the background in tandem with a light snore. My face bristled at the revelation that she fell asleep merely seconds after our heated argument. I circled around, poked her, and nothing. A little bit harder. Still nothing.

“Yeah, yeah, um… Go ahead and sleep when I’m trying to talk to you. That certainly doesn’t hurt my feelings at all.” I sighed, scratching my scruffy mane.  “God damn it all.”

I could urge her awake, but she’ll likely blow me off and delay this episode’s events. I had to take her to Sugarcube Corner myself. Conveniently enough, she fell asleep on the cart. I hooked the cart on me and, after uttering a heavy sigh, I was on my way.

There was a flash in the distance the from where I left. “Applejack?” More flashes. “Applejaaaack! Where are you?! We need to talk!”

I winced. Sorry, Twilight, but I’m on a tight schedule. I can’t stop for you. I trudged along as Twilight teleported around to find the snoring mare behind me.





“Pinkie, I get you and everyone have a sweet tooth and all, but did it ever occur to you that these ‘baked bads,' which tasted bad, would be, well, bad for you?”

“It’s professional taste testing...” Pinkie groaned hoarsely. “You never know, the after taste might’ve been good.”

“Yeah…” I deadpanned. “That’s an excuse to get extra helpings for yourself, wasn’t it?”

“Whaaat? Me...? N-never!” Her nervous smile and cartoony perspiration didn’t convince me. I’m impressed she could still be so expressive while being so green.

“Just how many muffins did you swallow before realizing that something was wrong?” The blanched look she gave me was so real that I knew for certain: it’s more than one. The thought triggered her into another round of vomiting. I sighed, rubbing against the scar under my shaggy mane. “Control your intake before it kills you one day. Seriously.”

“Stop—” She heaved again. “Stop reading my—urgggh—mind!” Her throat hitched.

“There, there.” Standing by Pinkie’s bed, I patted her back. The food poisoning was worse for her compared to the patients around. “It’ll be okay.”

We were in the medical tent, the aftermath of the Pastry Apocalypse. The nurses of Ponyville Urgent Care fluttered from patient to patient, but it wasn’t as bad before I came here. I helped out passing water and cleaned buckets however limited my dexterity was.

On schedule, Twilight and Spike entered the tent.

“We came as soon as we heard!” Twilight said.

One of the nurses, Redheart, greeted her. “Oh thank you, Twilight. We needed all the help we can get.”

The librarian and dragon looked inside, shocked by the horrendous state the victims were in, green-faced and sickly. Some were even on the floor, lacking bedding.

When Twilight and Spike saw me, they went slack-jawed. Well, I couldn’t blame them. I sported a pretty large black eye, the result of when I tried to enact damage control. The ponies liked their sweets to the point of obsession, I swear…

“Tutorial, what’s going on and what happened to you?!” Twilight asked worriedly.

“Food poisoning in Sugarcube Corner, “ I idly explained. “Ponies sicced Applejack on me when I kept the baked bads away. Thought I was stealing their shares.” And the other ponies cheered when I got bucked in the face. “Now the nurses have a tranquilizer ready in case I go berserk from that or something. Kinda unfair, really. I didn’t fight back.”

“How does he know?!” a nurse conspicuously whispered to Nurse Redheart. It’s as though the crossbow behind her hooves wasn’t so obvious.

I did my best to ignore them. “...the situation was desperate enough for them to let me help around, though.”

Pinkie giggled, albeit weakly, catching a breath from her vomiting spell. ”Look at him go! He’ll be making friends helping ponies in no time.”

“Weeelll, um,” I glance to the other patients, who nervously looked away in fear, “Friend requests still pending. So anyway, that’s the situation.”

Twilight growled in bleak frustration. “Applejack…!”

Her horn lit up and everything in the tent suddenly went in motion with a purple glow. Beds flowed in, and the ponies who had no bedding got one. Waste buckets and water bottles joined them. Outside though, more tents were rapidly set up. More ponies and beds and a plethora of essentials flowed through, careful to give no one motion sickness as another tent was constructed in an enchanting rhythm.

I was so mesmerized by the smoothness and precision of Twilight’s magic that I had to wonder: was my help even necessary?

Twilight's horn sputtered with the last of the ponies through. “Things are getting out of hoof with that mare! She’s overworking herself!”

“Nice of you to notice,” I said. “Can’t say the same for anyone else.”

“How could I not?” She shook her head in frustration. Then, she blinked as she processed my last words. “Wait, why not anypony else? Everypony saw her when she got her trophy today late and half-awake.”

I shrugged unhelpfully. “It’s exactly what I mean,” I said, cleaning up with a wet towel Pinkie’s muzzle, who hummed gratefully. “The Apple Family was durable and dependable for so long, no one in Ponyville thought much about it. For Applejack, she’ll stay true to that ideal to the very end, and everyone accepts that here.”

Twilight’s mane twanged from anxiety. “Accept it? But that’s just ignoring the problem!”

“That’s pretty much it, really,” I deadpanned. “If you’re the most dependable person of the group, nobody bothers to ask if you're okay. They’ll turn a blind eye thinking she’s a superma—mare or something like, ‘She can handle it. She’s strong and dependable. There’s no way she can break!’ It’s a load of hubris, I know, but that’s how it works.”

“But that—that’s just…” Twilight bit her lip, conflicted by my slice of cold wisdom. “Isn’t that wrong?”

I sighed and waved a wing around. “Ask around. See how many noticed and if they did a thing about it.”

The unicorn went silent for a moment. Even Pinkie and Spike held a thoughtful expression by my words. While what I said was a bit heavy for them, I hope it didn’t make them feel too bad. What I said shouldn’t matter when things should resolve itself by the end of today’s episode. Applejack would learn to accept help and have a greater appreciation for her friends. A happy ending.

However, I didn’t just reach Twilight, Spike, and Pinkie. The patients and nurses overheard and paused, a strange silence encompassing the tent. When Twilight looked at them, they looked away, but just in time for her to see something in their faces that answered her unasked question perfectly.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed, brimming with resolve. “It doesn’t matter. I’m getting Applejack help anyway.”

“Of course. Nothing’s stopping you. In fact,” I tossed a water bottle to her with a wing, of which she easily caught with her telekinesis, “Consider this a donation. Applejack might’ve forgotten to stay hydrated.”

The water bottle swished as she nodded. “I’ll be going now. Watch over Spike for me.”

“Hey!” Spike objected. “I’m not some little kid who needs to be watched!” But he was ignored.

“Applejack is immensely stubborn,” I warned, “so try not to offend any mules when you get frustrated.”

“I won’t!” she said. The tent’s entrance flapped upon her exit and there was a flash. She teleported to Sweet Apple Acres.

That left us with Spike. Speaking of whom, he had been picking muffins off the floor since the beginning of the conversation. He offered me one. “Want some?”

A worm crawled out.

Pinkie made a face and her muzzle was back in the bucket. If it weren’t for the tranquilizers trained on me, I would’ve smacked him on the head for that.





“Spike, sometimes you worry me as much as Pinkie.”

“Aw come on! I was just joking!”

“With that stomach of steel of yours, I couldn’t tell.” I looked wearily at the biological weapons in his arms. “Honestly, I can’t believe you took them from the ground.”

“What? They’re good. Can't waste them!”

After Twilight helped out Pony Urgent Care with the set up in ten seconds flat, I was left with passing on water, cleaning up and replacing buckets, and giving Pinkie Pie moral support with Spike when he’s not stuffing himself with those abominations of muffin kind. It was as fun as it sounded, a challenge to make everything that reeked of vomit smell soapy and sanitary. I was glad to have wings to work with or else I would’ve been forced to use my mouth. Although, I had the chance to take on grabbing things with my hooves, so that was a plus. Of course, I failed.

I wasn’t needed soon enough, and I reluctantly left Pinkie to the professionals. Luckily, she’ll be okay and then be up and out of bed soon. Spike and I decided to just take a stroll around and talk out of boredom, but eventually, the Bunny Apocalypse happened as expected and reminded me that Ponyville was retarded. Really retarded.

Spike looked around, not sure what to feel about the ponies on the ground in a melodramatically faint. That there were ponies like that besides the infamous Flower Trio was a surprise. “The ponies here take farming and gardening really serious, huh?”

“New to the rural setting?” I guessed.

“Yup, and we don’t get bunny stampedes either. Maybe the occasional magical explosion but nothing else.”

I raised a brow. That wasn’t something I could ignore. “Sounds like a few stories to tell.”

“Totally!” Spike chuckled, which almost caused his stack of muffins to fall off his arms. “I always help clean up Twilight’s mess back then. You should've seen her mane when a spell exploded in front of her!”

A series of Twilight fan art rushed through my mind, and I couldn’t help but smile as filly Twilight came to. I abstained for more details and let my imagination fill in the blanks for me.

“Are you sure you’re an assistant instead of a janitor?” I asked.

“This coming from the errand pony,” Spike snarked back with a chuckle. “You know, you’re kinda like Applejack yourself,” he commented. “You’re helpful to everypony around here.”

I was urged to stare forward as I huffed with a scowl, “Please. I’d rather not get compared.”

“What’s wrong with being like Applejack?”

“Well…” I paused. “It’s complicated. Tell you what, let me tell you a short story. C’mere.” 

Makng a turn, we quickly found ourselves at Ponyville’s park and a bench to sit on. The park was empty, and I began my tale as Spike looked on with curiosity. 

“There was once a hateful colt who found joy in the misery of others. But as he grew older, his ways began to lose meaning. The trouble was, he knew no other way.”

Spike put it bluntly, “The guy’s a jerk.”

“Definitely.” I nodded in amusement. “Then one day, he found an idea called ‘being nice,’ being a brother to all. At first, he was sarcastic and distrustful. ‘What a weird thing,’ he thought. But soon he understood that it could be something more.

“He became better, kinder, and stronger. In anonymity, he helped when it’s most convenient. Soon enough, he was surrounded by people who wanted him around. They trusted him, believed in him. He was happy.”

Spike’s inner comic book nerdism sparked .“Woah. Like a reformed superhero? With a mask to hide his identity and all that?”

“Eeeh…” I trailed off, thinking over his question before replying, “I’d like to think an anti-hero featuring an angsty teen, but close enough. So anyways...” I continued, “There was, unfortunately, too many for the colt to please. They asked more and more out of him, squeezing whatever worth he had. Wanting his happiness to stay, he obliged to the brink of exhaustion.

“In the end, he felt used and cheated by his own efforts. He still continued on wearing that sweet mask of his to this day. Because he knew no other way.” Sighing, I relaxed on the back of the bench. “I, however, won’t be like him. I refuse to be taken advantaged of, and I will get my dues.”

“The town’s got a leash on you and you’re paid in sweets nowadays,” Spike deadpanned.

“It’s a matter of principle, damn it!” I retorted back before relaxing again. “Anyways, you say I’m like Applejack, but I don’t always help out of the kindness of my heart.”

“You help out Pinkie, Twilight, and by proxy Applejack though. And that’s for free.”

“That’s because they’re special. Don’t tell anyone that, okay?” I hastily added.

“Sure.” Smirking, Spike made a zipping motion over his lips. “Bro code.”

“Good.” I nodded approvingly, assured that Spike’s dragon code was as ironclad as the Brony Fandom’s love for Derpy Hooves—or Muffins. “Otherwise, I would fucking kill you.”

“...wait, what?”

“You might have spoken too soon~!”

And that assurance was then slam dunked into a trash can, burned under a meteorite crash, and drowned by melting glaciers.

Spike and I tensed from where we sat. The voice was behind us, and the sugary cheer in it I recognized all too well, and it took every bit of my composure not to sputter my vast database of profane slurs against the Laws of Slapstick Comedy. Breath in, breath out. If I approach this calmly enough, the damage may be mitigated.

Smiling stiltedly, I turned to a certain surprise party pony. “Pinkie. Just how much did you hear—…” What I then saw shut me up. It didn’t have anything to do with the mare herself, oh no, but it had everything to do what’s behind her. “U-um, Pinkie, is that…?”

Spike saw it too and breathed in awe. “Woah...”

Pinkie grinned happily at our reactions and bounced in front of my face.  “Surprised? Did I? Huh, huh!? I wasn't really trying to! Anyways, I thought really, really, hard about what you said earlier and then I thought, ‘if we’re going to help AJ, why not go all out?’ So, here we are!” She waved proudly at what’s gathered behind her. Or rather, who.

Upon recognizing that what I’m seeing was a reality, I knew damage control was out of the window. It’s too late, and the damage was catastrophic. I opted for solemn silence for what’s before me and what’s to come. For I could do nothing else.

“So... what’s that about us being special to you?” she cheekily asked.





“Applejack? Applejack!”

When Applejack opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Twilight’s concerned face. Confused and blurry-eyed, her back was to the ground. With her awake from the shock when Big Mac showed her all the unfinished work she had to do, Twilight relaxed.

“Oh good, you’re okay. Now, Applejack,” Twilight’s face went stern as she began, “I completely respect the Apple family ways. You’re always there to help anypony in need, so maybe you can put a little of your stubborn pride aside and allow your friends to help you.”

Applejack’s struggle showed as she heard those words. She looked to the side, head still on the ground. There, she saw the acres upon acres of Apple trees yet to be harvested and bit her lip. So much to do, and only one mare to do it all. Well, maybe it didn’t have to be that way. Finally, she let go, closing her eyes.

“Okay, Twilight.”

“We’re not going to take no for an answer—what?”

“Yes, Twilight,” Applejack pleaded. “Please. I could really use some help.”

Twilight giggled, pleased that she was finally able to convince her friend. She sighed out in relief. “Oh good. Then I suppose you won’t be mad that we’ve already started?”

“...we?” Instantly, she stood up. What she saw made her jaw drop.

Applejack had a decent view on the hill she was on. She saw ponies flittering around the orchard, chatting happily as they carried baskets of apples on their backs. There was Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy, but they’re not the only ones. Picking out apples, loading them up in a great number of carts being pulled by willing stallions, there was a slew of other ponies. Tens and dozens of them. Applejack couldn’t tell how many.

“Amazing, isn’t it? After the food mishaps, Pinkie gathered almost all of Ponyville here to help out,” Twilight explained. “They’re very willing when she explained what’s going.”

“And that’s not all!” A dignified voice came from along the bend of the hill. After a moment, Mayor Mare trotted to the top where Applejack and Twilight was. A slight bit of sweat trailed under her dyed-grey mane and along her beige coat, but she made it without much trouble. “It’s quite nostalgic. It’s been years since the Apple Family had so many ponies in the orchard at harvest. It’s usually inclusive to the Apples only.”

Applejack lit up in wonder. “Mayor Mare? You, too? Why?”

“We didn’t quite celebrate you saving the town properly. I now understand that the ceremony was at an inconvenient time for you. So please, let us make it up to you.” The warm consideration made the farmer blush, and the mayor took that as acceptance. She turned to the librarian. “Twilight, if you please?”

The mare grinned gratefully. “Of course.”

Twilight levitated up a microphone connected by a cord. Following the cord, Applejack saw that it was connected to a...DJ stand? Vinyl Scratched, occupying it, flicked a few buttons on her immensely advanced rig and nodded, confirming that it’s ready to commit sound. The apple farmer blinked. Ponyville sure was resourceful.

“Welcome everypony!” Twilight’s voice echoed across the vast orchard, and the ponies dropped what they’re doing to look up at the hill. “Today we are here to honor a pony that we can always count on to help with matters great and small!”

A recital of a speech that never finished. This time there were no flashcards, no interruptions.

“A pony whose contributions to Ponyville and her neighbors far surpassed any I’ve ever seen, who went to great lengths for the wellbeings of those she cared for. Our trust belongs to her, we’ll always treasure what she did for each and every one of us. And we’ll never forget that.”

A brief glance to the mare of honor, and when she saw her eyes glisten from joy, she approached with a smile, the microphone trailing after. “So to you, no matter what mistakes you make, no matter what ails you, we’ll be right beside you. Because we love you.” At that moment, tears threatened to spill.

Twilight continued, “We can learn so much from you. And today, I learned that while friendship was about giving ourselves to friends, it’s also about accepting what our friends have to offer. And who knows?” She winked. “You may be met with a pleasant surprise. Now, give it to Applejack!”

The crowd whooped and stomped, acknowledging her speech as Applejack stepped up and Twilight held the microphone for her.

Applejack took her hat off and made quiet peace with the respectful attention the audience held for her. Her smile graced them all. “I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for comin’ to help, and Ahm sorry for troublin’ y’all today. But you know what? Ah know Ah got the Prize Pony Award, but the real award...was having y’all by my side.”

The reaction was bombastic, and the cheers resonated from all across the orchard as it threatened to deafen me from where I hid, behind the shadow of the tree that Applejack last bucked. With my back against the dark part of the tree, I couldn’t help but think. I thought over what happened today and compared it to a few memories of mine.

Being helped in the internet was a rare thing. Beyond the public charities and calls to arms, a stranger may never expect themselves to be helped at all. Just another face in the sea of online content, where it’s easily cats and dogs in the comments section.

One day, without warning, Youtube axed a channel that belonged to a user named DRWolf001 in early May 2014. No reason, no information, no copyright strikes before. Gone. In an instant. But he’s also a Brony, a show analyst of the community. A single day later, the outcry was overwhelming.

The news spread, and Dr. Wolf was given immense encouragement. Other analysts made videos showcased the incident. Tension built up in their comment sections. Reddit went active. Equestria Daily made an article concerning it. Some analysts offered their own channels to make reviews with. He was touched.

It’s a known fact that Youtube was slow on certain issues. One single email, a single complaint wouldn’t garner much attention among the jargon that thousands and millions of other users send them. It could take days, weeks, or at worst months before anything could happen.

Dr. Wolf’s channel revived within only about two days.

It was resolved so utterly, quickly and completely that some hardly noticed.

As the ponies cheered brightly, I watched as Applejack, finally, teared up to their voices. The Mane 6 made a heartfelt group hug, and the crowd ‘awww’d at that. Spike just gagged, which was ironic considering the gagging the muffins in his possession should’ve caused when he ate them. I took that as my cue to leave unnoticed. With one last look at the Mane 6, I left.

I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous.





I was alone in another part of the orchard, rolling around an apple under a tree where I sat. Other abandoned apples, perfect and looking delicious, laid scattered around me, a result of when I pulled a sleeping Applejack by cart. The orchard was hilly, so the apples in the cart naturally fell off. Here, where the apple trees were already picked, no one should bother me while apple bucking.

As for why I’m here, instead of helping out, I wanted to make an opportunity out of this. The book Mastering Earth Pony Magic may be meant for earth ponies, but the introduction caught my eye. It said that the basis relied on something all ponies have: magic. And to use it, I must be able to both sense it and call it forth.

The book stated a method for earth ponies that’ll allow them to invoke or test their magic. There's likely one for pegasi such as myself, but I already looked. I had no other option. In fact, the method was biased toward a certain family of Apples. 

The author Goldie Delicious stated that to use magic as an earth pony, I had to find a connection through the life around us. The trees, the fruits, the grass… Sweet Apple Acres was the perfect setting. I may not be an earth pony, but I would still try. For the past few days, while I wasn't nagging Applejack, I visited the orchard for that purpose.

I closed my eyes and only breathed. The air scented of apples, no surprise. I let the fruit between my hooves stop moving. A breeze bristled the picked trees, and, like a dream, my awareness flowered. The closest I’ve ever gotten to using magic was in my dreamscape, so in my awareness, I sought out that familiar sense of surrealism.

But then my ears flickered. I didn’t look, but I recognized those heavy hoof steps. “Need something, Applejack?”

“Just came to talk. And...to say sorry for what Ah did to ya.”

It’s a distance away from the others. She truly made the effort to look for me, I realized. I couldn’t be upset for that. “Eh.” I shrugged my wings. “Water under the bridge.”

I felt the grass shuffle as the mare trotted closer. She sat beside me. I heard the hollow creaking of dry, sturdy straw, so I knew that unfilled baskets were hooked on her sides. We didn’t look anywhere in particular, but I knew it’s not at each other. Since when did we properly make eye contact?

“How’s your eye?” she asked.

“Doesn’t hurt anymore,” I murmured, eyes still closed. "The PUC got me an ice bag for it."

She hummed in acknowledgment. A brief silence took the clearing before another breeze passed by, the leaves rustling in a soothing sound. Then, I had a sense that an apple in front of me tipped over. Something baseless, yet something more. I laid a hoof over it. Confirmed, it did.

“Ah just don’t get you,” Applejack suddenly said. “Over a month ago, you were quiet, just watchin’ all creepy like. But ever since Twilight came, you went out of your way to help us out. For Nightmare Moon, and then the golden tickets…and now this. What gives? Why now?”

I didn’t turn to answer, fiddling my apple instead. “...shouldn’t you be on break with the others?”

“Don’t dodge the question.”

I sighed, rubbing my scar with a wing. “For the Curiosity? The reaction? To prove a point? Maybe a combo of all of those, or maybe not. Maybe I’m trying to find something that’s not even there.” My eyes opened, and everything seemed so much clearer. “I don’t get me either.”

Applejack scoffed. “Another muddy excuse.”

“Hey, let me have my secrets,” I snorted.

“...Fine. Ah won’t pry, but it won't help me trust you any further than that. Even Pinkie doesn’t know much about you.” She stood up and began to pick expertly pick up the ground clean of fruit.

Feeling nice, I picked up my apple. Not with my wings, or my mouth. It’s with my hoof. And with the apple in my hoof, I held it out for her. “Here.”

For the very first time since I came to Ponyville, her emerald eyes met my plain ones in complete sincerity. She easily took it from my grasp and into her basket. “Even though you helped, Ah still don’t like you.”

I smiled. “I’m perfectly fine with that.”
> Griffon the Brush Off
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was in 6th grade in 2011.

A regular P.E. class was in session. The choice for the entire class was the usual dodgeball or outdoors. Everyone would raise their hands whenever the P.E. teacher decided that the choice was ours, and we’d popularly praise the sun.

Despite my woes against solar rays as a boy of the indoors, I concurred the same. It’s better than being lobbed with solid rubber. A video that recorded several broken noses on the internet could attest to that, and there were plans to replace the old dodgeballs to appease the vicious parents.

I would change to my red gym clothes, walk out the door to the open greenlit field, and then be invited to basketball with a rambunctious group of friends that I found myself belonging in. After a few hoops, I would find shelter under the shadow of the school building to the side as I watched the rest of them play their game, wearier and sweatier than I should be for a boy at that age. The routine easily assimilated into me despite my short time in Arkway Middle School.

But that day in particular was different.

I was daydreaming to combat the heat before I realized that the blacktop’s rhythm of bouncing rubber stopped. I squinted through the glaring rays of the sun. A crowd of red gym clothes gathered around a hollow center. There’s a voice I knew, words that I recognized. I hopped up to go find out what the commotion was about, but my every step went sluggish in heart-beating anxiety—It’s like I knew something’s wrong.

When my shoes met the burning asphalt, another voice joined the fray.

“G-give it back! That’s mine!”

The boy’s weak and terrified voice itched my predatory instincts to join in on the fun. I forcibly shook my head at the thought as I pushed on through the dank smell of recess with unapologetic excuses. It wasn’t the time to troll like in 4chan.

“Then try and take it from me!”

When I broke through the crowd, I was conscious of the eyes on me as I entered the open space. The attention-grabbing red of my gym clothes shining on the sun didn’t help. But when I focused ahead, I raised a brow at what I saw.

There were two kids. One was pale as though he had never been outside his entire life, and the other, standing menacingly over the scrawny kid by a few inches, was my best friend for the year: Ron.

Ron was a popular guy. After his growth spurt, he took great advantage of it. With a sharp jawline and a talent for sports, the middle schoolers revered the guy for winning them games. However, no one understood how his ego clung to that popularity, how he sought to keep those looks in their eyes.

Very few people could ever bother to keep up with my autism. When I first came to Arkway Middle School, it was no secret that I habitually shitpost even in real life. Hardly do I go outside. Kids being kids, it’s little wonder my peers ignored me. But Ron was different. He’s respected for his talent of keeping up with the trends, and that meant memes, too. We spoke each other’s language. Together, we became the crudest middle schoolers of the campus, utterly inseparable.

The poor little kid jumped up and down in desperate attempts to take back an iPhone from my friend’s tan hand high over his head. Ron was flicking it higher in sick amusement each time the kid got close.

“Ron? What’s going on?” I called.

When Ron saw me, his smile warmed up in spite of his cold actions. “Ah, bro! ‘Bout time you got your butt out of the shade. Catch!”

I scrambled to secure the iPhone in my grasp. It’s warm to the touch. But when I looked at the item in my hand, my throat lumped dry. On the smartphone’s case was a cheap sticker of a cloud and a rainbow thunderbolt protruding out, daringly arced in its zigzag.

Just as I fully comprehended the true meaning of what’s in my hand, the kid snatched it from me in my distraction.

The kid clutched the thing protectively against his chest in a death grip. He flickered his head side to side, only find himself imprisoned by a wall of onlookers enjoying the first bit of drama of their school lives in weeks. With his smaller frame, the thought of barreling through seemed impossible. There’s nowhere to run. He’s stuck in the circle with Ron and me.

“Aww! Dude, way to ruin the fun,” Ron whined. “You’re supposed to throw it back to me.”

“Yeah, yeah, um,” I nervously pulled the neck of my shirt for air, “Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.”

“What?” He looked at the frightened kid, who started with a step backward, and then back at me. “Are you trying to defend this guy?”

“All I’m saying is that the teacher is going to notice. Detention sounds like shit.”

He rolled his eyes. “Mr. Lock just went back in to get a drink. He won’t be back for another few minutes. Come on, grab him from behind. I got something funny in mind,” he said smirking.

The devious look on Ron’s face scared the kid to blue. When he stepped back, he realized that I was right behind him. He snapped between Ron and I, claustrophobic as Ron closed the distance in slow agonizing steps with a hand outstretched to spook the shorter kid. Rather than the bully in front of him, the kid faced pleadingly at me for mercy.

I just stared back in dispassion and took a brisk step forward. The kid flinched and clutched tighter his iPhone, but he was left untouched as I brushed past him. Suddenly, I was between him and Ron. “No.”

Ron’s smile dropped. “What?”

“This isn’t right Ron.”

“Did our basketball hit you in the head? This is just a joke! We do this all the time, y’know. Why so hung out about it now?”

I shook my head. “It’s not funny this time. Unlike the others, he’s innocent.”

Ron turned in disbelief to a group of boys, our friends with basketballs in their sweaty palms. “Are you hearing this, too?” Their unresponsive dumbfoundedness to the question showed, but they nodded. He looked square in my eyes as if searching something. “Man, what the hell? The guy’s cancer! He likes ponies for fuck sakes!”

“You know I post ponies around, too. What’s so different about me and him?”

“Well, duh! You’re not an actual brony! Nothing like those gay furries. You just troll people and shit.”

“Well…” I looked away. “Not just that anymore,” I muttered.

The bigger boy froze. He did a double take. “Wait. The fuck? You’re one of them now?!” The way he said it made me wince. “That’s bullshit! Tell me you’re joking, man. I’m not going to deal with that right now!”

“Look, I’m sorry, but that’s how I am now. And it’s not much of a big deal as you think!” I quickly added, glancing briefly at the stupefied brony behind me. “I just like ponies. That’s it. Nothing worth a shit to write home about. We can still be friends.” I smiled lazily, hoping that it would placate Ron and we’d get on with our day. I believed that our loyalty would help him look past my new found hobby just this once.

But in 2011, in the era when bronies and haters were at each other’s throats to the point of absurdity, I was too naive.

“That’s a lie and you know it—you’re obsessed with ponies!”

“What are you saying? That’s not true!”

“Is it?” he challenged. “You don’t know what an otaku is! Not my movie references, not Call of Duty—not even Star Wars! You use their memes and barely know a thing about them! Face it, ponies are the only things you know!”

My fists clenched. “There’s nothing wrong with ponies!”

“It’s for little fucking girls! Magic and cheesy friendship and shit that I know for a fact you don’t believe in. Get that through your head!”

“We’re bros on the internet! We trashed on Facebook, made flame wars on Youtube and even in /pol/! We’ve laughed and dicked around about worse shit than this!” My eyes narrowed. “Come on, bro. Don’t be a bitch just because you can’t stomach the skittles.”

“If you really believe we’re still bros, then it’s either me or him!”

“I…” The disbelief broke through the dam and grasped my aching throat into silence. I glanced at the brony, his smartphone loose in his grasp from the drama before him, and then back. The yelling ceased, but the pressure from the audience only heightened. It was utterly quiet before I let out a haunted whisper. “Ron, you’re really making me choose?”

The steady steel in his eyes was no illusion. “Yes.”





My eyes snapped open, and I was back to the blissful darkness of Luna’s night. The beating in my chest slowly but surely calmed to a dull roar in my ears before muting entirely. When I realized that my wings sprawled on either side of Twilight’s spare bed were definitely real, I breathed out in silent relief.

It wasn’t a dream. I didn’t have those in this world now that I took control of my dreamscape. They’re pure memories, sudden flashbacks. I didn’t fall asleep at all, even with my new comfortable bed.

Ever since my hobo bed lost its life, Twilight was kind enough to offer a spare. My previous argument of maintaining privacy between a stallion and mare like ourselves was rendered null by my baser instinct for sleep.

At the opposite side of Twilight’s study, the unicorn herself purred in her own bed. The moonlight through the balcony window shined the pink stripe of her lavender mane, her head sunken in the fluff of her pillow. I may have imagined it, but I saw her lips parted to the syllables of the word “books.”

On the floor next to Twilight’s bed, Spike’s fluffy basket bulged along the perimeter as his limp body displaced the inside. His blanket accentuated his belly. The drake’s head turned, eyes covered by a frivolous blind, and muttered a name. Who he was dreaming about was evidently, to my brony eyes, a certain marshmallow pony with a penchant for fashion.

Assured that no one noticed my “episode”, I turned to the stars and counted them in dread of wandering to those memories again. Princess Celestia was sure taking her sweet fucking time.


Revisiting Lessons - Chapter 6


Season 1. Ep 5


Griffon the Brush Off






Today was a quiet day in Golden Oak Library. Twilight, Spike, and I faced inside, oblivious to the great atmosphere that Celestia’s sun shined upon outside.

Neat towers of at least a dozen books were strewn around Twilight’s table, three open beneath her hooves and one in her magical grasp, of which her eyes traced each line with laser-like focus.

Spike was less so. Sitting on a stool, only a single tome was in his claws, and a page whimsically turned. His own space was bare of anything else.

And there was me. My head laid over a foreleg on the table as I stared at an open book, which was propped up by a small stack of three other thick tomes. My wings lazily draped across my back in a long deserved break from page-turning now that my hooves obtained the awesome power of grabbing things. In a nutshell: lethargic.

I yawned, utterly destroying the silence that I fought so hard to keep.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe you should stop staying up so late to read books,” Twilight said, leaving her pages. “You look...exhausted.”

“Says you,” I weakly replied, refusing to abandon my text. “At the very least, I’m staying in today. I won’t be doing anything too strenuous. Besides, this normal for me.”

Spike glanced up from his text and raised a brow. “Looking like a zombpony is normal?”

“Spike…” Twilight said sternly.

“What? It fits him way too well.”

“I can see that,” I said, flipping a page. “I might be a genius from eating all this brain food.”

The lavender unicorn gave me a look. “You’re reading a cookbook for foreign delicacies. Upside down.”

“Yeah, see? A genius who can read upside down.”

Our conversation was pierced by a thud on the doorway leading to the outside. My head perked from where I laid.

“Newspaper?” With renewed vitality, I creaked to a trot toward the door. Opening it, the texture of ink and paper greeted my hooves. I smiled. “Newspaper.”

Soon, Hobo Book Bed shall rise again.

Twilight stifled a giggle behind her open book. “You’re always excited for the local newspaper. Anything good?”

“Not really. They’re pretty boring.”

“Boring?” Spike commented. “Ponyville has, like, a party every other day!”

“For the daily news, yes. But for the weekly paper, it’s old. The dailies took all the juicy stuff. The weekend news would only rehash it, so we’ve taken to call it Summary Sundays,” I said, flickering through the folds. “But a recent addition to Ponyville spiced it up for the past month.”

“And what’s that?”

Stopping at a page, I showed it for Twilight and Spike to see. “Me.”

“'Breaking News: Local Zombie…'” Twilight’s eyes widened. Under the bold lettering was a poor picture my face gobbling a hayburger like a savage. “'...Madly in Love? Tutorial Blues, the mystified zombie of Ponyville is without emotion or life, trotting around our home ever since he took refuge in Golden Oak Library.'” She peered past the newspaper. “Since when were you a zombie?”

“Since always. But when I came back ‘from the dead’ after Celestia announced my passing, it somehow validated the rumor. I feel like it’s Rainbow Dash’s fault.”

“O-oh. Is that so. ” Twilight coughed nervously, and then continued where she left off, blinking. “'However, a breakthrough with this mysterious zombie has come to light. It has been confirmed that he’s tamed by unrequited love with—!'” She gasped, and in her disbelief, snatched it from my hooves. “Pinkie Pie, Applejack and me?! It even says here that this in your own words!”

Spike chuckled sheepishly. “Eheheheh. I remembered that.”

Twilight intensely scanned the inky lines. “To quote, you heartily said, ‘They’re special to me,’ in response to an inquiry of your unnatural unhelpfulness to them by a ‘brave citizen’. Half of the entire town witnessed this on the same day we finished Applebuck Season!”

“Okay, I don’t remember that. Neither did they even say I was the one who asked!”

“Spike’s right,” I said. “That’s kinda racist.”

“That shouldn’t be the only thing you should worry about! They’re slandering you with speculation of rumors that aren’t even true!” Twilight suddenly blushed. “T-they aren’t true, right?”

“Make me answer, and I will force feed you the pages of this library’s cheesy romance novels as payment.”

“...I-I’ll take that as a no. But how are you okay with this? This is serious!”

“Twilight, when I saw my first Summary Sunday here in Ponyville, I was termed the Necromantic Minion of Everfree’s Enchantress. It was so ridiculous, I couldn’t tell if I should laugh or cry. For my sanity, I chose the former. Hehe,” I chuckled dryly. “As Lord Kek decreed, one must learn to take a joke.”

Twilight tilted her head. “...Kek?”

“Oh oh! I know! Tori told me that Kek is the hyper god of primordial darkness and laughter. He is a legend of an occult of Tori’s home far, far away!”

“Thank you, Pinkie,” I deadpanned. “Couldn’t advertise my religion without you.”

The pink mare bounced to my side with a grin. “No problemo! That’s what friends are for!”

“Oh, so that’s how it is,” Twilight said, satisfied. A pause. “Wait, Pinkie Pie?! Since when did you get in here? How did you get here?”

“Just now through the door, silly. What else?”

“I...I, uh, w-what?”

I smirked at Twilight’s dumbfounded face, but I turned to greet our guest. “My awesome religion aside, what brings you here, Pinkie?”

“Well, you see…” Like popping a balloon, she stopped bouncing and deflated. Pinkie found my eyes, her own in confliction. “I, um, I need some advice.”

My jaw clenched as Twilight and Spike looked at each other.





Ponyville was very active on the weekends. Ponies would be on break for work, and the pleasurable services such as the Ponyville Spa and Sugarcube corner would get busy from the influx of customers. However, I hardly ever go outside on the weekdays, not in my past life and not in this world. The latter wasn’t by choice though. The ponies were always quick to notice me, and wherever I go would easily go vacant even at the expense of businesses in the general area. It was utterly ridiculous. And hilarious.

In first few days in Ponyville, I once went out to have a taste of what hay and other pony foods were like. It wasn’t worth the trip. The waiter had enough steel to take my order, but my food was cold by the time it arrived. The restaurant I visited went unhealthily vacant for days.

From then on, I bought and cooked my own food. Well, except for that time I went to that on the Hayburger joint on a nostalgic whim during Applejack’s episode. It’s probably still empty.

It’s to the point that the only time they don’t turn tail and run was whenever it involved requests, their permission to let me work for them, and my pay. Well, after I chased them down to a corner to make such discussions, albeit one-sidedly.

I knew edgy Human in Equestria fics with less of an overaction than this, and that’s when the main character was in human form. I never thought this would happen to me as a pony. In a nutshell, I was a nuisance, or a menace at the worst, to their weekend fun.

And today...wasn’t that kind of day. It still amazed me how a fedora from Rarity’s Boutique, a pair of sunglasses, and a tattered scarf I found in the trash could make me utterly invisible to these ponies. Besides looking like a dignified hobo, my disguise shouldn’t have worked. At all. They’re fucking retarded, I swear. Normally, I wouldn’t care to make the effort, but for Pinkie and Sugarcube Corner, I’ll spare them the trouble just this once.

I noisily slurped my milkshake, my payment for counseling Pinkie. “I heard you went on a pranking spree yesterday.”

“That’s right! If only you’ve been there and used your mind reading skills to help us out. It would’ve been super duper fun!”

I raised a brow behind my shades. “Oh? Did my invitation get lost in the mail then?”

“Well, I, uh…” Pinkie sadly looked to the side, rubbing her poofy mane. She sighed. “Rainbow disagreed.”

“Still trying for me, I see. When will you ever learn?” I’ve given up on socializing weeks ago. While it’s touching that Pinkie continued to make such lengths for me, her efforts going to waste irked me. Despite myself, I wanted her to succeed in her endeavors. A sip from my straw and the sweetness alleviated my bitterness slightly. “She said I was lame, didn’t she?”

“There you go again, reading my mind,” she murmured. “Yeah… She did say that. Why can’t everypony be friends with one another? She’s my friend and you’re mine, too! I don’t get it.”

“It’s unfair to assume that friends of the same person can get along. Different beliefs, different tastes… Everyone has their own definition of a friend. Rainbow doesn’t see that in me. The same goes for Gilda to you. Apparently, she doesn’t see you fit her mold either.”

“Then we’ll make them see!” Pinkie said. “We’ll be the super best bestest friends they'll ever know! We’ll be like the frosty to their cake, the icing to their cupcakes, the crust of their pies! We won’t let them deny us—!”

I shoved the straw of her own untouched milkshake into her mouth. It calmed her down, and she drank the concession by instinct. “Stay frosty there, Pinkie.”

Pinkie’s straw popped out of her mouth after a large slurp, and a heavy sigh followed. “Maybe Twilight is right. Maybe Gilda isn’t a mean grumpy meanie-pants. Maybe I’m just a jealous judgemental jealous-jealousy-pants.”

“‘Maybe’ doesn’t get you anywhere if you can’t find an answer, neither will it make you happy.”

“Then do you know?”

“I have no clue. We got a lot of growing to do, Pinkie, and I just now told you all I know about this sort of issue. Take your time finding the rest of your own answer. You’ll know when you’re ready.”

Suddenly, there was a familiar pair of laughter above us. Looking up, we saw a distinct array of colors, and Pinkie’s eyes shot open as she clung deeper under the umbrella in a panic, colliding with the table. I barely saved my milkshake on time as it bounced into the air, yet Pinkie’s was fine, simply landing upright with no spillage.

Rainbow Dash and Gilda touched down a distance away, and the rest occurred like in the show.

“I gotta take care of a few weather jobs around here,” Rainbow Dash said. “Wouldn’t take long. Just, uh, hang around in town and I’ll come find ya.”

“That’s cool I guess.” Gilda pumped a fist. “I’m going to chow down!”

Dash smiled. “Later!”

After Rainbow Dash hit the skies, Gilda looked around on her lonesome, but when she landed her sights on a certain elderly mare going up toward a stand for vegetables and corn, a mischievous grin glinted across her beak. She hid behind the farming stand, the owner oblivious to her presence, and waited until Granny Smith went to sniff the produce.

I winced as Gilda’s tail snaked up to Granny Smith’s face.

“A rattler! A rattleeer! Everypony save yourselves! Run to the hills!” Granny Smith shouted, and then her creaking hooves carried her in a disappointingly snail-like pace.

I would chuckle at the silliness of it, but, sitting beside Pinkie, I knew it would be in bad taste, especially at my Zap Apple savior. The griffon swiftly left elsewhere after insulting the freshness of the stand owner’s produce.

My hooves swayed to walk up and tell Granny Smith that everything’s fine, but knowing my place, I forced them back down. With the ghastly reputation I harbor, any sudden movement from me would agitate those nearby, the elderly farm mare included. Even with my disguise, the ponies would notice the moment I speak. I gulped as I watched my savior of this life trembled away.

“That’s mean! Granny Smith didn’t know it was a joke—no, no, Pinkie. Don’t judge, don’t judge... It was kinda of a funny prank. Isn’t that right, Tori?”

I shook my head and pointed. Pinkie’s gaze followed. Gilda leisurely passed by another farm stand where some ponies talked and, with a stealthy motion of her tail, stole an apple right under their noses. The griffon cleared the fruit in a single crunch and a gulp. Not a single bit was paid for as she leisurely walked away.

Pinkie gasped. “I can’t believe it! That’s thievery!” She slammed the table, and I had to save her milkshake as well. Suddenly, she turned pensive as she sank where she sat. “O-or maybe it’s just a joke? She’ll pay it back later, right?”

And right on cue, my ears flickered to ducks quacking, and so Fluttershy entered the streets just as her ghost did in the scene of my memory. The towns ponies smiled at a trail of ducklings dawdling with their mother in an innocence that stole their hearts, led by the animal caretaker as she trotted backward to meet the mother’s eyes. She was in her element despite the surrounding gazes that she would usually shy away from.

And Gilda, meanwhile, was in the way. The griffon made no motion to step aside and then Fluttershy bumped into her.

I sighed, knowing what’ll come next. If some of my brony brothers from back then knew I just stood and watched, they’d be disappointed in me. My teeth tightened at the thought. Damn those Fluttershy fags and their pony waifu.

“Hey!” Gilda snarled.

“O-oh! Please excuse me—”

The griffon strutted forward. “I’m walkin’ here!”

“I-I’m sorry, I-I was j-just—…” Fluttershy backed away, scared into a stammer, but the angry bird followed. Shocked, confused, and the little ducklings scattered into a frenzy, the mellow mare’s eyes glistened like a puppy’s. It was so real for a cartoon that my scarf suffocated me as I watched.

“‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry!’” Gilda mocked. “Why don’t you watch where you’re going, doofus!”

“But I-I…—” Fluttershy choked. The words died in her throat as Gilda glared seethingly at her. The griffon inhaled.

The damnable angels in my head won out in their nagging.

“Woah, woah, woah, whoa!” Before the damage was done, I was suddenly between them and they both jerked back in surprise. “Can’t get feisty out here. Wouldn’t want a fight to break out in public, now can we? Ponyville appreciates peace, you see.”

Gilda’s eyes sharpened hawk-like. “And who are you?”

I shrugged my wings along with a milkshake in hoof, the pose hiding Fluttershy from Gilda’s view. “I’m nobody. Just a humble hobo of the neighborhood.”

“Is that right? Well, ponies like you have no right to barge into my business.” Gilda made to hustle past me. “I’m not done with her—!” But it was to her confusion that I refused to budge, a hoof braced against her chest. “You trying to start something?! Get out of my way!”

“Look, I get it,” I deadpanned. “You’re a long way from home and probably haven’t eaten in a while. I get that you’re cranky. How about we calm down with a milkshake.” I offered up a milkshake to Gilda with a wry smile. “My treat.”

“H-hey!” Pinkie blurted from the sidelines. “That’s mine!”

“It’s for a good cause,” I shot back.

“I don’t want your stupid treats, dweeb!” Gilda’s temper was too fast for her to take notice of our banter. She took a deep breath.

I braced myself before an unholy lion’s roar rang from my face to across the streets. Even though my tattered scarf fluttered, my shades went ajar, and my fedora fell off to the side, I stood stone-faced. Manny’s roars could do far worse.

The ponies around gasped, and it was then that I noticed my blasted back mane, the bangs splayed back to reveal the nasty bite scar on my forehead. Gilda saw it as well, and her bottom beak slacked.

“You chill now?” I said dryly, shaking Pinkie’s milkshake. “The offer still stands.”

Blinking, Gilda looked away. “Tch! I-I bet you’re the, uh, boringest of all in this town. You’re King Lameo of Lakeville! I’m bailing. Later, losers.” A mighty flap of wings blew a few of my hairs, and Gilda soon disappeared into the clouds.

“...Odd. Even her? Hm. Doesn’t matter right now.” I breathed in relief. It’s childish comments like Gilda’s that I’m reminded that this world was still just a cartoon. I rubbed my mane so that it’s back to its scruffy self, covering the scar before I turned to Fluttershy. “You okay—…?” She’s gone, and so were the bystanders. A tumbleweed crossed the street as only the wind responded. My pony feathers twitched, and I embraced a cold calmness. “Well fuck you guys, too.”

Pinkie Pie hopped to my side, concern and irritation on her face. “That’s just rude.”

“Me, Gilda, or everyone else?”

She didn’t answer.

Instead, I was then forced into a Pinkie Promise where I will never sell out her sweets without her permission ever again. Sugar really was serious business in Ponyville.





Inside Sugarcube Corner, an assorted amount of streamers and balloons of many colors decorated the ceiling. Yet, despite the impressive party, the preparations weren’t quite done.

But lo and behold, Rainbow Dash busted through the entrance in her awesomeness and hovered along the ceiling before she spotted Pinkie Pie setting up “Pin the Tail on the Pony” on a wall. “Yo! Pinkie! I heard you’re making a party for friend Gilda. How’s it going?”

“Pretty swell, Dashie! I’ve got the cake ready and everything. The party will open up soon.”

“Oh, yeah! Mind if set up some pranks around here? It’ll be real quick, I promise.”

Pinkie nodded. “Be my guest.”

“Great!” Then, Rainbow Dash frowned and pointed. “But why is he here?”

Despite the sudden attention toward me, I continued laying out the confectioneries along the tables without a care. The punch, crackers, and pastries were placed with practiced precision, and I damn well practiced. My hooves served me well but still needed work. “If you must know, Pinkie hired me. I’m just here to do my job. Hostile much?”

“Look, this is my friend’s welcome party and, not to be mean, you kinda...drag down the party.”

“Dash!” Pinkie whined.

“What? Remember the first three parties you threw for him?”

Pinkie pressed her lips and nodded, her ears drooping. “I remember.”

Rainbow bit her cheek at the sight.

“I have to agree with Rainbow Dash.” I stopped what I was doing to face the pair, sensing the unexpected tension between them. “Gilda’s party will go empty if I attended, and then all your work would be wasted.”

“Yeah, what he said,” Rainbow concurred.

“Awww…” Pinkie pouted. “I was hoping he’d get more friends today.”

“I got Twilight and Spike,” I said. “Isn’t that enough?”

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “They live at your place, so I don'y think they count.”

“I keep telling you, Golden Oaks isn’t mine,” I grumbled. “Twilight is basically my land overlord now.” As the hobo of the library, I must give respect to the book pony where it’s due, but it seemed they doubted it. I sighed. “So, you really wanted the best for your old friend, huh?”

Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her neck, done easily despite her flapping wings, yet a struggle for her to meet eyes. “Nothing personal or anything. I know you helped back at the Summer Sun Celebration, but you’re still...you.”

“...is this a rejection or something?”

“Shut your egghead mouth, doofus.”

“So it is a rejection.”

“Look, I’m trying to let you down easy, but you’re not making it any easier.”

“Pfft. You? Your blunt honesty could contest even Applejack’s.”

“Ugh.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

I smiled a little, then stopped to lick my chapped lips. “You’re old friend Gilda came from Griffonstone, right? Griffonstone is far east by the Equestrian border. She really came a long way to meet you again.”

The pegasus’s brow raised. “Yeah? What’s your point?”

“Friends aren’t boomerangs. Toss ‘em all over the place and they’d often never come back, the distance too much of a bother. Gilda crossed that distance for you. That’s not something that can be replaced.”

“Oooh, that’s deep,” Pinkie commented.

However, Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “Replace? Who said anything about replacing?”

“I never meant anything by that,” I said, raising my wings and hooves in surrender.  “It’s just that...people change. Besides speeding around with arbitrary races, when was the last time either of you had a proper talk? Get to understand each other after all these years?”

“Talk? Gilda’s cool though. We flew, made some sick tricks, and had tons of fun. Who needs talking?”

Pinkie shuffled nervously beside the prismatic pegasus. “Dashie,” Pinkie spoke tentatively, “You don’t know?”

“Know what?” The prismatic mare furrowed her brows. “What is that you two aren’t telling me?”

“Rainbow, listen.” I got her attention. “You may be the type of pony to depend on when everyone else is gone, but there’s going to be a time where you’re the one breaking bonds.”

Rainbow’s face went hot, and she opened her mouth to retort but...

Ding! Our ears flickered by the noise coming from the kitchen out back, and all the tension was lost.

“Ah. That must be the oven,” I muttered. “Anyone of you think cake that originated from Griffonstone would be good for this party? I found a recipe for it recently, and the author, Gustave le Grand made them sound pretty good.”

Pinkie and Dash looked at each other. “...who is that?” they said in unison.

“...nevermind.” I seriously thought the guy was famous. What a letdown. “Anyways, everything should be ready. I’ll be hanging out in the kitchen if you need me. Ciao.”

“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie hopped along beside me. “Can I have a slice? I wanna know what it tastes like!”

“Yeah, uh,” Dash began, “I’ll start setting up the pranks then. And hey! Bring me some of the cake, too!”

I groaned at their demands. “You both wait until the party starts!”

After I got the two off my backs, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie went out to greet all the guests. Soon enough, an influx of guests of entered Sugarcube Corner. As I leaned lazily against a kitchen counter in wait, I could only I guess how many ponies were attending, their voices muffled by the walls. It made me a bit antsy, not knowing what’s going on in there despite my knowledge of the episode.

I’ve made some significant points in the timeline today. Something must’ve changed, but I refused to let myself even a peek inside to check. I couldn’t risk being sighted, lurking around the kitchen and be mistaken of poisoning the food.

I looked at my disguise on the kitchen counter. My fedora wore the sunglasses, lying comfortably on a tattered scarf. A white box sat next to it. I stared at the box. Inside of it was a large piece of the cake I baked.

I clicked my tongue. May as well start early.

Opening the flap of my saddlebag with a wing, I carefully set the box inside. My saddle bag was barely wide enough to fit it in, bulging the side. I frowned at the glaring detail, but it’ll do.

Glancing around to see if there was anyone in the kitchen, I snuck out through Sugarcube Corner’s back door exit.





I was due east of Sugarcube corner, and it was there I sat on my haunches among a series of wood-smelling apartments. I was waiting for something. My hind leg was bouncing from my nervousness. I wasn’t sure if this could work to begin with.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait long. I could already hear the heavy beating of a griffon’s wings. I looked up and saw Gilda tear through the skies so rapidly, it was a wonder as to how I could get her attention before she could fly past. I already had an idea.

I took the deepest breath I could, and then my voice rippled through the air, “Hail to the idol!”

Instantly, Gilda skid to a stop in the air and twisted about, looking around the ground wide-eyed until she spotted me. She assumed a bored look as she stared down at me from above. “Oh. It’s you. You know Griffonstone’s pledge?”

“I also know how rundown it’s gotten. I get around," I said boredly. "My offer still stands you know.”

“As if I’d stick around. Get lost, punk!” Gilda spun eastward and raised to her wings for a takeoff.

“It must’ve sucked,” I blurted, and that stopped her, “being denied in favor of those Rainbow Dash knew least.”

Slowly, Gilda turned back to me with narrowed eyes. “...How did you find me?”

“Griffonstone is to the east.” I lazily shrugged. “You were headed home, so I made a guess and waited in the general direction.”

“And now you got me. Whoopty-doo. What do you want? This place bugs me, so I’d rather get this over with,” Gilda said, crossing her arms as she landed on a cloud. She sat still and I relaxed, glad I could persuade her for a talk.

“To make a delivery, you could say.” I fished inside my saddle bag and procured a white box. Simple and plain, but it held a surprising sense of wonderment. “Cake from the party. I hope it’s to your liking.”

“Another prank? No way, I’m not falling for another.”

“No, no pranks. The cake isn’t a lie,” I added with a wry smile. “I just thought after that fiasco with Rainbow Dash, you could use something to improve your mood.”

“Don’t pretend you’re on my side! If it came down to it, you’d stick around with your stupid pony friends.”

“And you’re right.” In just those three words, Gilda’s eyes widened. “I would choose ponies. Even if it hurt, even if it'll cost whatever else I valued, my choice won’t change. But what about you? You came this far, but you hit a fork in the road. What will do you now?” I waited for an answer, but Gilda looked away and I knew I won’t get one. “Tell you what: The best part of a prank is the reaction, right? So how about I leave you to your dessert and I’ll come back later to get the plate. I won’t see anything, I won’t laugh at anything, even if there’s a prank. I promise. Sounds fair?”

“...Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Just following Pinkie’s example and try to give the guest of honor a good time. Nothing wrong with that.”

Gilda scowled. “Tch. Is that what you want me to believe?”

Another awkward pause happened between us, so I understood that the worth of this conversation just waned off. I silently turned to leave like in my promise.

“You’re different from the other ponies,” Gilda suddenly blurted, “nothing like them. Not a bit of that lame pony cheer either.”

I huffed. “Tell me something I didn’t already know.”

“Well, that scar of yours was pretty wicked.”

I paused blinking, not believing what I just heard. When I realized her words were real, I smirked. “Enjoy the food, Gilda,” I said, walking away.

I took a deep breath as my mind wandered to resume a memory that played last night.





The silence was my answer.

It’s as though Ron saw me for the very first time. In an instant, I was a stranger.

“So this is it, huh?” Ron said. “I can’t believe it. You just met him. You’ll be moving away again in a few weeks to the other side of the country and then it won’t even matter. And for what? Ponies?” He scowled. “It’s just a cartoon.”

“Ron, I—”

“Go drown in your obsessions, brony. I can’t believe you changed. Let’s go guys. He’s not our bro anymore.”

The basketball group I’ve come to know risked a glance toward me, but they knew where their loyalties lie. They parted a path for Ron, and they trailed behind.

With no drama to stay for, the crowd of bored middle school students dispersed as though the entire exchange was meaningless. But I knew better. They’d talk about it for weeks knowing they had nothing better to do. It was silent enough that I could hear the brony’s shaky breathing behind me.

The brony spoke. “H-hey. Thank you.”

“Yeah. You’re welcome.” I kept my back to him.

“So, uh, you’re a brony too? Wanna hang out? I-I mean if you want to. It’s just that, uh, it looks like nobody else wants to play with us now. We should stick together in case Ron and his groupies come for us.”

“They won’t.”

I heard the brony’s pockets shuffle, likely to put away his smartphone. “How’d you know?” he asked.

“Because I know Ron.”

The brony winced. “I-I’m sorry about that by the way. I, um…” He awkwardly paused, but it lasted too long and the subject died entirely. I was fine with that. “Still, uh, wanna hang out?”

“...you sure about that?” I said. “I won’t be here anymore in a few weeks you know.”

“It’s the least I could do for you.”

I paused for a moment and smelt the cool air. The sunlight went dull minutes ago, but for some reason that made me feel better. I turned and smiled at Ron’s replacement. “Alright. Sure.”





Hours had past and it’ll turn to evening soon. The party ended minutes ago. Although, Rainbow and a few other pegasi had to leave early for a sudden call of weather duty. The weather ponies were busy, even on weekends. Ponies beside myself were headed home, but I was on a detour. I trotted to where I left Gilda to retrieve the plate as planned. When I got there, however, I stopped.

Rainbow Dash was there.

On the cloud that Gilda previously occupied, she rested on her haunches, her back slouched. Her back faced me, but her depressed ears tight against her head told all the emotion I needed to know.

The empty plate on the grass caught my eye. It’s likely Gilda finished dessert just in the nick of time for Rainbow Dash to find her while on weather duty. The two avians had a proper talk while I was gone, I deduced. That alone made me smile.

The sky rapidly turned orange. I looked down at the plate in my hooves. It was wet, and not a crumb was left behind. It was so shiny from the saliva that I could see my reflection on it. I gave myself a satisfied nod. And so, I headed to Sugarcube Corner to return the plate.

Maybe by this, I could sleep soundly tonight.
> Boast Busters
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dreamscape was as empty as ever, painting the mental horizons white and beyond the infinity. Yet, filling the background was a serenade of classical orchestra, ripe with tunes fit to entertain royalty. And entertain royalty it did. 

Princess Luna sipped on dream-summoned tea, the grace alone making the awkward tea talk appear professional, and set the teacup on the elegant table between us. “We art aware of thy bizarre and unnaturally realistic dreams, but thou never ceased to surprise us.”

“Mhmm.” I nodded, and a weight shifted along with my head as it clung tighter, rubbing its fur against my shaggy mane.

Cuddling atop my head was a dark green ball of fluff with four hooves. A short tail wagged side to side like a puppy’s, and a mane, neatly brushed to one side, cutely framed clover-colored eyes. On her flank in bold font was a question mark.1

The filly flicked her mane, and blinked with half-lidded eyes at Luna. “Sup bae.”

“...Salutations to thee as well.” Luna’s eyes dryly slid from the filly to me before sipping. “And who pray tell is this filly?”

“Anon,” I said. “Not her actual name but it's basically her alias.”

Anon snorted. “And you better damn well remember that!”

“Please excuse her language.”

The filly snarled, tightened her grip around my head and drilled a hoof into my skull, directly on my scar. “Well excuuuuse me, princess! I’ll abuse my right to free speech as I please!”

Luna stared past the cup's ridge she pecked at the scuffling, the snarling, and the IRL shitposting. She was nonplussed. “...Charmed. Although we’ve yet to encounter a pony in thy dreamscape, ‘tis a pleasant surprise. She’s quite realistic.”

I groaned. Of course a /mlp/ meme would be real to a cartoon horse. “Maybe too real.”

“Oh? Well, fuck you and your niggerfaggot ass!" Anon Filly bonked my skull with the hard part of her hoof. "Think you're some god?!”

“Actually," I said, "I have God Mode on, so yeah.”

Anon scrambled around my head like a cat on a yarn ball until she sat on my neck and roughly stretched my face on either side. “You know what my point is!”

True to my words, nothing hurt, but I slurred as I spoke through tight cheeks. “As you can see, she’s got a bit of a mean streak,” I mumbled. “Still cute though.”

“Who are you calling cute?!”

“Y’know. The usual crazy.”

“...I see.” Luna turned to the side and stared. There, the door that acted as the entrance to the Second Level of my dreamscape chattered from the chains and locks in an ethereal glow. A slight noise of dubstep also managed to pierce through the bindings. It's literally the only other thing to look at besides our table, our tea, and our selves without being awkward.

...Maybe I should decorate my dreamscape or something. Give it some fluff.

I sighed, leveling a stare at the chained door alongside Luna. “How’s your recovery going along?”

Luna returned a sidelong glance, and then back at the door. “Our magic is returning speedily enough. We hoped to slowly resume responsibilities while recovering, but our help was...unnecessary.”

“It’s only been over two weeks.”

“And it’s been over a thousand years. Our night held the gaze of Equestria in astronomy, magic, and the mythical Beasts of Constellations. We were absent to encourage such activities. Under Celestia’s guiding hoof, they need not to ask for ours.” Luna sighed and, for a moment, she was normal. “We know that I—we found redemption, but we feel like a spare mare to fill an empty room. It’s ours, yet we feel it’s for a happier pony from a thousand years ago.”

My lips tightened. “You still have lingering regrets?” I asked.

“Yay. Tell us, friend, dost thou believe in destiny?”

I stared into my teacup. If it were real, neglect would’ve turned it cold. The imaginary tea was pitch black, shrouding the ceramic like a hole into a bottomless abyss. In it, my vague reflection frowned back. “Frankly, I don’t. It never mattered to me.”

“And why is that?”

I chuckled humorlessly, and the Anon persona clasped around my neck felt heavier.  “I like to think myself as a supporter of free will.”

“As do we.” Luna let out a heavy breath. “But there was once a prophecy. It foretold of our return, of the thousandth year of the thousandth night, as if we were destined amnesty on that very moon. Yet...do we deserve such a happy ending? A part of us wonder if it's all a dream, if that night truly ended the way it did.”

“...Bleak." I muttered. "But at least you know that you are real,” I blinked nervously, “You are real, right?”

“Dost thou still confuse us for an illusion?”

Anon clicked her tongue. “Tch! Quit with the existentialism. It’s as real as you want it to be, so what’s the big fucking deal?”

Princess Luna looked at Anon, bearing a wide-eyed stare. I awkwardly watched, frozen as she contemplated in silence. After a minute, Luna’s smile broke the ice. “Perhaps we are worried for nothing.”

“Just take it easy,” I said. “You just got back from the moon, so enjoy your freedom.”

“Well, at least as much freedom as our sister allows.”

“Wait.” My brows furrowed. “You mean you’re not supposed to be dreamwalking right now?”

Turquoise eyes narrowed and Luna re-donned the overwhelming royal presence, I knew. She leaned forward, fore hooves thudding against the table as she towered over me.  “Not a word of this, thou understand? We art already in dire straits against boredom as is.”

I nodded, lips straight. “As you wish, Hime-ojou-sama.”

Luna adapted well to my mannerism and lingo, for she nodded back without batting a lash. “Hmmph. Good. If anypony asks, just say that thou met the mare of thy dreams.” 

"...excuse me?"

Color shimmered behind Luna like an eye into the cosmos as she stood up. “We must be going. Apologies for cutting this short, but we wish to hone our ability to traverse the Dream Realm tonight.” When she faced the exit, the eye snapped awake to reveal the beautiful swirls and blues of the Dream Realm. A hoof in, she paused. “But one more thing. When you said you don’t believe in destiny, is it because you don’t have…”

I blinked when she trailed off. “Hm?”

“...Nevermind. Until then.”

“Yeah. Later.”

“Praise to moonbutt, you mean!” Anon Filly hollered, and she clung to my muzzle in rogue fervor, the scruff of her chin pressing against my nose. Forced to bow down, I grumbled indignantly. “Get that head down, ya Lunafag! Bow to the Mighty Night Mistress-Empress-Goddess!”

Luna’s melodious laughter pierced the dream. “We personally wouldn’t mind.”

Seemlessly, she shimmered into the portal and faded off as though she too was just a dream; Gone without a trace. I was alone now. An empty seat and a meme on my muzzle kept me company. I huffed a sigh through Anon's chest fluff, who made noise, yet the nuisance still clung.

Filly Anon snickered. “She ditched your pedophiliac ass.”

“Don’t make me boop you.”

She scrunched. “Oh yeah? Do it, faget! I fucking dare you!”

I did. And she shrieked in adorable pony noises.



Revisiting Lessons: Chapter 7


Season 1. Ep 6.


Boast Busters








I blinked away the salt in my eyes. Twilight’s room glowed orange, courtesy of Celestia’s lazily rising sun. In a few minute though, the sun will reach its default peak to signify the full start of the day.

Blankets wrapped around me as I sat straight with a blank look toward my two roommates by the edge of my bed, who stared back with an energy and expectancy. I frowned. “This is too early in the morning.”

“A few days ago, Pinkie mentioned you believe in a deity,” Twilight said smiling. She smartly raised a clipboard and quill that sparkled of purple. “If I am to learn the ways of friendship, I must begin to understand the thoughts and beliefs of those close to me, and that includes your religious beliefs concerning this ‘Lord Kek.'"

I squinted. “I...never thought you’re the type to be interested in religion.”

“Even myths and legends have a scientific explanation. This is no different. Today, errands are done, schedule’s cleared up—I am free.” Twilight tapped her clipboard. “Let’s do this.”

I had been building up the inside joke ever since coming to Ponyville. So far, with my reputation, I only told it to Pinkie. It’s slow going, but I knew, if it sets off, it would one day be glorious. But still… “Yeah, um, the sun raised seconds ago. Can we talk about Kekism2 later?”

“Please?” Twilight puckered her lips with glistening eyes. “For me and knowledge itself?”

All the cutest fanart that the fandom had to offer flashed my mind's eye. The nostalgia was too much! I gulped, and tore my eyes away. “Spike?”

“Sorry, but I wanna hear this, too.” The dragon chuckled on the stool he sat, his own quill and clipboard in his claws. “We hardly know anything about you.”

“Ugh,” I groaned. May as well get this over with. “Fine.” 

“A culture unknown to Equestrian knowledge! Oh, how exciting!” Twilight energetically clopped her hooves. “It’s rare for any pony nowadays to worship any sort of deity, or to find written scriptures not burned for heresy.” She cleared her throat, and readied her quill. “To begin: What is this Kek?”

Spike interjected, “And why sound so evil? Primordial darkness and laughter and stuff?”

I wet my lips. “Well, uh, Kek is by no means worshipped for his...benevolence, but more of his whims. He knows the true selves of all sapient kind. He laughs at he sees. What we see. At our truths, the chaos, and harmony we pursue. That sort of thing.”

Twilight paused her quill. “‘We?’”

The nostalgia hit me, and I felt the words seeping out. “Kekistan: A nation built off of his name to acknowledge his influence over us, literally or figuratively.” Lips twitched when I recited the line from memory. “...And it was home.”

“Your home?” Twilight tapped her chin in thought. “I never heard of such a nation. It’s not on the Equestrian map, and neither in the map of the known world.” And she blinked, looking at me in a new light. “You...came a long way.”

I’d be surprised if she did find Kekistan. It’s a fictional nation from another world. “I told you I traveled, haven’t I?”

“But not from that far!” Twilight glanced at her clipboard. “Let’s see, what’s next on the checklist? Oh! Does Kekism believe in creationism of sorts? Most, if not all, recorded religions and occults exemplify that.”

“Creationism, huh?”

I glanced out the balcony window. Already, ponies frolicked, busied with themselves to what they call “a life”. When I imagined this world into existence to seek my own meaning of friendship, one could say I was the god who gave Faust’s creation form. It’s a copy of the original but with me inserted and randomized lore to fill in what canon left out.

Mortal as I was, I’m bound by the laws of this world. But could I really justify calling the world more than an illusion of my imagination from that alone? Could anything gained here be considered genuine? Who’s to say that this version of Equestria wasn’t made with my own biases in mind? Unique only to me, and only me—that’s what Death explained.

After all, it’s a cartoon.

“We place our faith on numbers,” I finally said. “Our wisdom and knowledge is intricately tied to whatever numerical value Lord Kek gives. Kekism teaches us that to rely solely on known truths will limit us. Or worse, lie to us. So we became skeptics, created radical ideas—memes—and to justify our imagination, we used...special logic. It gave birth to Esoteric Kekism’s meme magic.”

Twilight gasped, and feverishly wrote down that particular detail. “As in mathematics and magical science?! Like scientists?! Incredible! Spike, are you writing this down, too?” When no answer came she stopped writing and turned. “Spike?”

Spike was slumped on his stool, lightly snoring as his chest rose and fell from each breath. His clipboard bridged his lap to my bed. The dragon lurched forward, and suddenly jerked back into reality, writing instruments snapping back to attention. ”Hwuh?! Wha!? Awake! I’m awake!”

“Spike!” Twilight said sternly, “You’re missing the interesting parts!”

“I’m sorry! It’s just that Tori’s voice is just so monotonous!” Spike chuckled nervously. “No offense, dude.”

“None taken.”

Twilight sighed, setting down the items in her magical hold. “I suppose it is too early. We can continue this later. Haven’t ate anyways.”

“Say no more! Spike the Chef is on the case!” The dragon giddily hopped off the stool and skittered down the stair before exiting the room and to the kitchen.

Twilight shook her head mirthfully at the door with a slight smile. “Later on, Spike and I will have magic practice again. Want to join?”

“Nah,” I declined. "Sales are happening, and that meant opportunity.”

Twilight nodded and crossed the door. Finally, I was alone, but along with the silence, I had a lot to think about.





The sugar economy was an unstoppable force in Ponyville. The town was small enough for ponies to know each other, had short distances across local bakeries, and a long history for sweets. Coupled with social and emotional value, sugar was practically currency for these pastel-colored ponies. It took sweet and color into a whole new meaning this world.

I stood behind a market stand. On it was a box of candy, filled with luxurious marbles of white and navy blue swirls, and a count of five bits. I sweep over the bits, and pushed the box to Cheerilee, who salivated even with her mouth closed. She swiftly left with the box, a giddy spring in her step. Happy sugars.

I slumped where I stood and exhaustion rode upon my sigh. Ponies frolicked past, paying little mind to the stallion in fedora, shades, and a hobo's scarf. It’s utterly amazing how no pony could recognize me with my disguise. To say that blue pegasi were common was an understatement. Ponyville’s weather team was half blue besides Rainbow Dash. With the customers focused more on the goods, I was essentially invisible.

Movement shuffled beside me, and I gave a glance.

The mare's cream-colored coat ruffled with the scent of chocolate, mint, and taffy, almost golden under the sun. A curly pink and dark blue mane bounced over a bright smile as Bon Bon spoke, "The sale is officially over. Good job!”

I relaxed.

Out of all the employers I had, Bon Bon had the biggest backbone. Not to say she was without fear, but rather more tolerant. Where others would nervously shy away, she’d stand her ground and properly greet me. It would be a happy hope for me if I wasn’t aware of her backstory. Agent Sweetie Drops of the Anti-Monster Agency sure knew how to keep a cover. Whether she’s aware of it or not, she’s showing that she’s made of sterner stuff.

It’s almost sad that I could only interact normally with the bizarre, eccentric ponies. Honestly.

Bon Bon swiped off the sweat on her brow. “Phew! I got my work cut out for me today. Hehe!” She gave a stilted smile. “Here’s your payment.”

“...It’s a box of candy.”

“It’s the limited edition I saved just for you! A sweet deal, am I right? Eh? Eh?”

I blankly stared. “But not bits?”

Bon Bon’s smile dropped. “Uh…”

A pair of clopping hooves caught our ears. A white-coated mare donning a nurse’s hat over her soft, pink mane—Nurse Redheart—came out from behind the candy stall. She smiled at my employer. “I’ve already collected the donations. You can clear up as normal. Again, thank you, Bon Bon for donating to Ponyville Hospital. We appreciate your generosity.” She trotted away, a huge bag of bits on her back.

Sights locked on to the jiggling cash protruding out the sack, I slowly, slowly, with a creaking neck, turned to Bon Bon.

“...well, u-umm," Bon Bon sheepishly smiled. "Whoops?”

The candy box in my hooves felt too light for all the work I've don all afternoon. I wasn't mad. I should be mad. But with these pastel-colored ponies, arguing wasn't worth the extra effort. I sighed and began to leave. . “Nevermind. I’ll just be going.” At the very least, I could sell the special candy for a profit if I played it smart.

“W-wait!” Bon Bon shouted, and I stopped. “W-would you be interested in another request?” She paused. “Don’t worry, it’s something simple.”

“...as long as it pays.”

“I’ll throw in another box.”

This girl... Deep breaths. In. Out. I faced her with blank eyes. “What’s my task?”





Lyra Heartstrings: A minty green mare with an even lighter minty green mane, eyes as golden as her cutie mark of a lyre, and roommate to Bon Bon. Her first appearance was in the Season One premiere, waving to Twilight in Canterlot and then throughout. If I were to guess, Lyra went to Ponyville for the Summer Sun Celebration and stayed upon hitting it off with Bon Bon, who went deep undercover to—spoilers—hide from a bugbear.

At least, that’s my headcanon.

But there I was, standing in front of their house.

Supposedly, Bon Bon had some extra business for me to take care of, and that this delivery was something that couldn’t wait. And that’s where I came in. I shifted my saddlebags, making sure that the package was there.

I had been standing there for a few minutes, unsure how to proceed. Very rarely do I make direct deliveries such as this. If I had it my way, I’d just leave it in the mailbox or front porch, knock, and run off before anyone saw me. It’s certainly better than the alternative, where reactions were... extreme. However, Bon Bon’s instructions were very specific—Lyra must obtain it as soon as possible, not rotting in the mailbox, and I wasn’t one to break what little trust I had.

I sighed. Maybe I should’ve refused, but to regret now would be a waste of time. I at least had my hobo disguise on. 

I hit the door. “Hello?”

The reaction was pleasantly quick. I heard clopping hooves from behind the door, so I took out the package, ready to present.

But when the hoof noises were at its nearest, there was a hushed shriek, and noises fumbled from behind the door. Then, nothing.

I frowned and knocked again. “Hellooo? Ms. Heartstrings, are you in? I have a delivery from Ms. Bon Bon! Hello?” I now knew she was inside, so I was hoping to pressure her into coming out.

I swayed my wings as though they were human arms, waiting. I would look at the time if I could, but there was no instrument for me to use. Then, my ears flickered to a squeak of a wooden window slamming open, gasping and rapid hoofsteps.

I turned just in time to see a mint green tail blur off and disappear behind a corner.

“Motherfucker.”





Confound these over-reactive ponies. They drive me to exhaustion.

I followed as best as could with my current running skills , but the cartoonish speed Lyra exhibited was impossible to contest. I scowled as I scanned the open park I found myself in, crowded with ponies enjoying themselves to sweets they had from the sale. I’ve completely lost her.

It wouldn’t be hard for me to walk around and pick out the colorful pony, but I would scare other ponies off if I acted too suspicious. Disguise or not, a pony with shades looking around would attract attention, and they had another way to tell me apart besides my face.

I had no choice.

Sight, I closed my eyes, and focused. My ears straightened as I breathed to a disciplined calm. And then...music.

Harmonicas, violins, guitars, drums, saxophones, xylophones, and electronical sounds—an entire orchestra of families upon families of instruments combined to celebrate the casual, happy air of Ponyville. It was subtle, as it was inside the air itself, part of the world.

This world was an actualization of not just the cartoon, but also the entirety of the media, and that included the background music. Ever since my reincarnation, I was able to hear it. I’ve learned to tune it all out when I felt it unnecessary. It merely served to remind me how less than real the world was.

The way it was implemented, however, was very, very interesting. The sound of musical instruments, two or three unique to each pony, would trail behind individuals, playing a theme that matches the mood or pony itself, as if they are their own main character. Together with many ponies, it becomes an orchestra of Ponyville’s general mood.

And that was the lore to justify Daniel Ingram’s background score and musical numbers.

In a way, it was like perceiving the fourth wall for this universe. I wondered if the other ponies could hear it too, but I digress. To find Lyra, all I had to do was hear out for sounds out of tune with the rest.

There.

A beating lyre, rapidly plucked with anxiety and pursuit; Northeast. Casually, I trotted over to where I heard it, and caught Lyra tip-toeing out of the crowd. We both stared.

“Special delivery,” I said, presenting her package.

“Eeeeek!” she screamed with a start, jumping over a meter into the air before galloping off yelling.

I sighed, and walked after, but in a different direction. The shortcuts Pinkie Pie taught came in handy with this sort of thing. As long as I didn’t lose the music, the delivery will be made eventually. And so, the chase took us all over Ponyville.





From the Sofa and Quills store, Lyra saw me from around the corner.

“Special deliver—”

“Eeeeeek!”





To around the back of Sugarcube Corner, I was leaning against a wall, holding Lyra’s package just as she was about to pass by.

“Specia—”

“Eeeeek!”





To under a food stall of all things, I found Lyra curled up, and I peaked under along with the package, our muzzles mere inches apart.

“Will you let me do my fucking job?”

“Eeeeek!”

“...Fuck.”





And somehow, to in front of Sweet Apple Acres.

“Oh shit shit shit!”

“Eeeeeeeeek!”

Winona, the Apple Family’s dog, chased us out of the property barking.





In a narrow road that connected to closely built and tall houses, I stood in the middle at a spot where the only bit of light shined. Lyra skidded to a halt upon seeing, gasping with breath.

“...”

She turned tail and ran back the way she came. “Eeeeek!”

“Oh come on! I didn’t say anything!”





Until, finally, I was back to where I started. The same ponies, the same crowd—hardly much time had passed. I was breathing easily despite all the chasing. I had walked throughout the entire excursion, taking short cut after short cut to intercept Lyra.

Usually, I’d bait them into a corner or tire them out, but Bon Bon said to make the delivery as soon as possible. Whatever was up with my package, there was a time limit.

My sights found a bench. An epiphany came to me. Who said I needed to give the package directly? Lyra simple needed to obtain it.

I leisurely sat on the bench and listened. The plucking lyre was definitely close. Very close. I consciously avoided looking at the conveniently placed bush mere meters away. And the minty tail sticking out. I made a show to sigh, groan in tiredness, and look around. Moments passed before I stood up, my back to the brush, and walked off—leaving the package on the bench.

I flowed past a few groups of ponies to hide my figure from the bush’s view, and expertly circled around so that I was in the shadow of a tree near the bench, waiting. My patience paid off. Lyra crawled out of the bush with leaves stuck in her frazzled mane, her eyes set on the box I purposely left behind. Her curiosity drew her toward it. Checkmate.

She sat on the bench, of which I behold the sight of the famous human sitting position that spurned the headcanons of her human obsession.

Lyra groaned. “Uuuugh. Bon Bon told me to avoid ponies with fancy hats and sunglasses, but why am I trying so hard? Am I just being paranoid...?” Lyra then shook her head. “No way! A pony who’d chase me all over Ponyville is definitely suspicious. Now, just what’s this thing he’s been carrying—? Oh.”

The comical strings sounding and the look on Lyra’s face when saw her name on the package label was all worth it. Grinning, I nodded firmly to myself. Agent Hobo here: Mission accomplished. And so, I straightened my shades, quietly trotting away.

I was soon a long distance away, yet I had little reason to stop. It was rare for me to have time for myself besides chasing down mailboxes and ponies. But how should I spend the rest of my day? The happy orchestra that whispered through the air of the world answered.

A pair of foals ran down a street, a lunch box in one’s teeth. Their giggling guitars met the path of a suited stallion ringing a bell, advertising the sale the restaurant beside him was having as a cello matched his rhythm. Like connect the dots, my gaze trailed down the street to find the lively ponies going by their day in cheer despite a stallion with suspect attire creeping amongst them. It’s a side to Ponyville I rarely see. At least, when ponies noticed me.

Seeing how blissful bright Ponyville was on a sunny day, I held off on tuning out the background music. It’s the closest to a music player it could get. For now, I’ll enjoy this fantasy. With no destination, I walked with music to fill my ears, and the familiar memory of my death felt like it only happened yesterday.





“Tooooriiiii!”

I froze to a jaunty tune of kazoos and a piano. Pink blurred in my peripheral.

“Pinkie. No.”

The pink pony skid to a halt mid air and froze, poised for a hug tackle, before casually setting four hooves down as though she hadn’t just defied the laws of friction. She surprise glomped me anyways, the pony soft and squishy. “Surprise hug!” Pinkie pressed her cheeks into mine. “I’ve missed you!”

I sighed, just grateful that it wasn’t a full blown tackle this time. “It’s only been a day since I helped deliver your cupcakes to the schoolhouse,” I droned, to which Pinkie giggled at as though I was being humorous before letting me go.

“Sooo, how’s your day? I saw you walking by Sugarcube Corner, but you were gone before I said hello. You looked super duper focused though.” She leaned an ear my way. “Who were you chasing this time?”

The box of candy in my saddlebag shifted, including the second one that Bon Bon paid after the delivery. “...decent. Not like Roseluck’s, but Ms. Heartstring’s delivery was made.”

“Ooooh! That means you had an exciting day! You should tell me aaall about it later. Oh, but guess what, Tori! Guess what!” she said bouncing.

“What?” When Pinkie gazed with an expectant look instead of elaborating, I relented with a scratch of my neck. “Uh, another new pony?”

She grin, and my eyes widened. “Oh right! You can read my mind. Then I bet you also know she’s setting up a stage in the town square!”

A certain word splashed me in cold dawning. “Stage?”

“Yep! Come on! Let’s go and see!”

“Huh? Hey, what are you—” Pinkie strove past me, swiped my tail with her teeth, pulled and I was then under the mercy of her uncanny strength, dragged along the ground. “I can walk on my own, Pinkie! Pinkie?” She continued on despite my calls. “...ah, what the hell.”

I laid limp in defeat. The novelty wane, soon leaving me nonplussed, my hobo scarf accumulating dank earth as my body marked a snaking trail where Pinkie towed me.





Before I knew it, “Boast Busters”, the sixth episode of the first season, had occurred merely a two days after the previous. I was so caught in my job that I was left unawares.

The glamorous stage with a promise for a spectacle captured the forming crowd in Ponyville’s town square for today’s show. Pinkie and I were late to the party, but I was at least able to enjoy the remainder of episode as I intended.

But there’s just one problem...

“Just why the fuck am I on stage?”

“Give it to her, Tutorial!” Rainbow Dash shouted among the audience, a singe mark along her tail caused by a small thundercloud.

Beside her, Pinkie whooped with hooves waving. “Show everypony what you can do!”

I was the next challenger.

In front of me was the mare herself, Trixie Lulamoon. Illusionist, a fake magic user, a braggart...she’s all of those things, but she was first and foremost a showmare. And despite the glaring pretentiousness, she sure knew how to make a show. Brandishing a flamboyant starry cape, fluttering by artificial wind, and a pointy magician’s cap over her bluish-white mane and tail, the mare whose coat color matched mine gave off a pompous yet heroic air. Ignoring the egoism, the mare exuded the aura of a stereotypical wizard of the arcane.

An autistic bastard such as myself could at least respect such high levels of LARP.3

Soon after Pinkie and I arrived, it was just in time for Rarity to run home crying over her mane-turned-green and the color itself. I know a certain Anon Filly who would have something to say to that. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight and Spike were also there.

Upon seeing me, Rainbow Dash had the bright idea to nominate me against Trixie. Pinkie Pie easily approved, and I was promptly dumped on the stage with little to no say.
And so, I just stood dumbly on the stage, shades and fedora askewed from the sudden influx of motion and my unimpressive scarf negating all sense of appeal. I held as flinching whenever I gazed anywhere near them. My reputation continued to proceed me.

“Oh my, the town’s clown has come to challenger. Trixie expected better,” Trixie jeered, vainly examining her hoof to disregard my existence. “So what shall you do? Dazzle us with your ability to fly?”

I shook my head. “No, um, I don’t do flying.”

“Wait, seriously?” Trixie broke character for a moment blinking before her arrogance resumed. “Hmph! Very well. Then display what other physical finesse you pegasi pride yourselves with.”

“Uh…does running count?”

Now Trixie wore an incredulous face, visibly disturbed. “Dance? Sing? Anything?”

“If I ever sing, you’d literally fall asleep.” I heard Spike chuckle sheepishly from the crowd.

“Then what are you good for?!”

I said nothing. Instead, I abruptly set my saddlebags down, startling the ponies out of the silence. I fumbled inside, minding the two candy boxes I earned today, and procured
three bottles of water. I downed them at a time.

I gulped, paused to breath, and brought the plastic to my lips again. A solid five minutes passed.

The ponies were whispering to each other, completely and utterly confused on what I was about to do before my last bottle hit the floor of the stage, silencing all. I finished not a single one. A quarter of water remained in each bottle, caps reapplied.

Trixie’s eye twitched. “...that’s it?”

Little did she know, the preparations were ready.

In slick fashion, I took a hoof and, one by one, flicked the water bottles across the air. For days, I had trained to maintain control of grabbing things with my hooves, and this was the result: In three seconds flat, an impressive tower formed upon the water bottles landing. After years out of practice, I still got it.

“Tada. Dab.” Wings flared for the dab, eyes closed.

Stunning. Suffocating. Silence. Someone in the audience coughed, and I then knew how bad the joke was. Even across an entire world, a meme years dead could still fall flat. Damn, I’m old.

“A-ahem!” The showmare stuttered from the blatant lack of talent. “A-a mere...party trick! And now it...has been beaten?”

Somehow, the crowd roared a deafening cheer.

I scoffed. “Yeah, yeah. I get it. I’m a cuck. I’ll show myself out.” I trotted off the stage, and the girls and Spike surrounded me. They voiced their grievances under the noise.

Rainbow Dash floated over me. “Tutorial, what in the hay was that?!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie concurred. “I haven’t seen anything like it! I wanna try, too!”

“Ugh! Pinkie!”

“An old ritual of my people,” I said. They gave me a look. “What? Expected something else?”

“Oh, geez, I don’t know,” Rainbow rolled her eyes, “how about use your psychic powers!?”

“...this again? Do you really want to show her up that badly? It’s just a cartoo—” I blinked. “It’s just a show. Why so serious?”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Show? I know shows. When I’m up there, wowing the crowd, I just need to make everypony feel good under my awesome! But this?” She pointed at Trixie, who preened at the vocal praises from two colts, Snips and Snails, as well as the crowd’s. “This is a straight up comedy to humiliate us.”

“I thought it was entertaining.”

“Entertainin’?!” Applejack exclaimed heatedly. “Ah got hogtied by mah own dang rope! How’s that entertainin’?!”

“Would love to see that, actually.”

“Ya know what?” Rainbow said. “The more I hang around with you, the more I realize how much of a jerk you are. ”

“Darn tootin’,” Applejack agreed.

“Hey, hey!” Spike jumped between me and the tomboys. “Girls! And guy. Tutorial’s wierd humor doesn’t matter right now! Trixie messed with our friends, and most of all, she messed with Rarity! We aren’t going to take this lying down.” He paced in front of us, like a sergeant to his soldiers. “We need some pony who can stand up to Trixie! Some pony with real magic, somepony who’s not afraid to defend her friends. We need—!”

I tapped his shoulder, interrupting him, and pointed. “Spike, you candidate is running away.”

“Wait, what? Twilight?” Spike turned just in time to see Twilight Sparkle gallop out of the crowd. He immediately chased after. “Twilight!”

Should I follow as well, or should I stick around and see what would occur off screen? As I watched Spike and Twilight disappear from view, the crowd got louder from another one of Trixie’s boasts. It did well to mute the conflicted feeling inside.

“Well, I thought the water bottle trick was neat!” Pinkie’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

For some reason, her words warmed me more than it should. I smiled anyways. “Thanks.” I smirked at AJ and RD. “At least some pony likes my show.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ya might fancy yer rodeo, sugarcube, but maybe ya should rethink what a show is all about.”

“...rethink, huh?” I looked at the stage, where Trixie boasted for all to see and hear. “Then maybe I’ll do just that.”





I was standing in front of the door that headed inside Trixie’s wagon, my disguise stuffed in my saddlebag. There was no need for it. Everyone one else left home for the evening. I also already waited for Snips and Snails to move on through their day. It was the perfect moment to knock on the door, to release a mere question lodged in my throat. I honestly wanted to avoid this, but something compelled me to do it anyways: I wanted answers for myself.

I sighed, letting the feeling possess me and rapped on the door.

The door slammed open, and for the magician’s next trick: a frazzled mane, a mare and her glare, practically naked without her magician’s attire. “What did Trixie just told you buffoons?! She said to wait until mornin—oh. You.”

“Sorry to bother you, but I’d like you to answer a few questions of mine.”

“Is that so?” She met my plain eyes irritatedly. “While Trixie likes to answer to any new admires, she’s afraid it’ll have to wait.”

“Just humor me.”

“Hmmph! And what’s in it for Trixie to make it worth her while?”

“Peanut Butter crackers.”

“...continue.”

It was now or never. “How do you do it?” I asked bluntly, “Be satisfied as a fake?”

“Fake?” Trixie scowled. “Is this about her feat in vanquishing the Ursa Major? I assure you, that is the truth. You dare doubt the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

“Not about the Ursa. About you as a unicorn, about your magic. The kind that’s not real.”

“What nerve! And what would you about know magic? Hmm?” Trixie challenged.

A familiar story: A larper in denial, desperately trying to hold the story that sheltered her ego and esteem. Maybe she had done this before. Maybe it was a one time thing. The confidence was backed by an illusion either way, and any trickster felt safe under nothing else. Fitting that I understood that all too well.

"Besides living in a library?" I smiled. “Nothing. Do you?" 

"I..." No argument; no fighting back. Just three words, and the casual indifference killed the arrogance in Trixie's eyes. Up and down, Trixie searched for any speck of insincerity, only to be lost and confused. “You...what game are playing?"

"No game. I'm just here for answers."

"...you’re a strange one,” she concluded.

I shrugged. “Not the first to tell me that.”

“...Why I’m satisfied, was it? Fine. I'll." Trixie cleared her throat. "If it’s about happiness, then it’s simple. It’s my stage, and it’s my show to win. As long as my audience cheers in adoration of my splendor, what I say or do does not matter to the Great and Powerful Trixie. I’m acknowledged, they’re entertained, everypony wins.”

“So as long as you’re the winner of your own show, little else matters. How shallow.”

“And who are you to judge? You ponies were quite eager to prove me wrong!” Trixie snapped haughtily, before composing herself. “It may be fake, but I’ll show them real magic as they wish. If they’re happy to believe it for even a moment, then it must be worth something.”

Happy to believe it: That pulled a thread. In the two decades spent in the pony fandom, through conversation and reading numerous Human in Equestria fanfictions, I under stood what Equestria as a world meant to us. Many would agree it was certainly better than the real world, and that formed the brony dream. It was ultimately, a desire for the good things life and an excuse to create them.

I was also intimately aware of the counter arguments. Others proposed the dramatic premise of alienation, overreaction, fear, and xenophobia the ponies could exhibit, a grim respect to MLP: FiM’s societal implications. For a Human in Equestria fanfic, it's potentially a legacy of a true name and the name of a monster Such was the way of the man with two names.

Delusional happiness or cynical angst... What have I been doing?

“You’ll justify the worth of your fantasy with emotions?” I frowned thoughtfully. “Is that really all to it? Deciding it’s okay because...it makes you and everyone else feel good?”

“I wouldn’t be a stage magician if I didn’t care for my audience.” Trixie paused. “Save for a few neighsayers.”

I resisted a cold laugh. That hypocrite. “True.”

Leaning back into the darkness of her wagon, she waved me off. “If that is all, Trixie wishes to take her beauty sleep.”

Fine by me. I got what I wanted. “Yeah. Goodbye.” I nodded and turned to leave, shrugging the weight of my saddlebag.

“But first!” Trixie grinned, holding an expectant hoof out. “My compensation.”

“Oh, uh, that?” I chuckled shamelessly. “That was a lie.”

"...What." Trixie blinked. Then, she processed my words. “What?!” Her voice echoed across the empty Town Square, a shrill cry in the evening that startled a few distant ponies. “You made me talk for nothing?! Why you— Don’t you walk away! For bothering me, it’s fair that I have something in exchange! How about this? You pried in my business, I get to do the same!”

I sighed. Knowing her pride, she wouldn’t let this go. “Fine. What would you like to know?”

“Wha?” She blinked, not believing her ears.. “Just like that? But, that was just—just! Ugh! Nevermind! May as well! So. Question. Question, question…” She eyed me critically to find inspiration, seeking hints of scandelous secrets that I know I don’t have. But then her gaze settled on a spot where my saddlebags covered my flank. "Ah! Right. What's you're talent?”

Silence.

Trixie frowned. "I said—"

"I know what you said," I interrupted. "But why that?"

"You gave a horrendous show today. Now, Trixie doesn't know why you'd pretend to have no special talent under your name, but I want to know what you endangered my show for. So, I'll say it again: what is your talent?"

I stared for a moment. I could run off, beheading the deal without having to answer a damn thing. Not like Trixie would bother to give chase. But the look on her face if she saw it...that stopped. My wing fumbled along the strap of my saddlebag and Trixie leaned around to see as I, slowly, loosened the bag so that it parted away to reveal my flank.

Blank.





“If that’s the way you want to be, then fine!”

Spike slammed the door. The wrong door. That one was magically summoned by Twilight for the purpose of emphasis. He properly left Twilight’s study with a dry glare forwards. And that’s when he bumped into me at the stairway.

“What’s up, Spike?”

“Oh. You’re back. Need to take a walk. Be back soon.”

“Already? But—” Spike brisked past me. “Oh, uh, okay. Take care.” I watched his slumped back descend down to the main floor. I suppose it was fine. I had enough of today anyways. “...Walking, huh?” I mutter. Upon reaching at the top of the stairway, Twilight’s back welcomed me, her eyes finding forlorn interest in the oak floor. I hesitated to go on further but steeled myself. “Hey.”

She jumped. “T-Tutorial! Welcome back.”

I glanced around and saw the books abandoned to the side of a pedestal, one of them left open on it. She had planned for reading. In the time I knew her, stress reading was apparently a thing. “Hung up about what the others said?”

Twilight, bluntly faced with the issue, opened her mouth to retort but stopped. She sighed instead. “I don’t want them to hate me as they did Trixie. This town may be small but...they’re very forward on what they think.”

“Heh. You’re learning fast.” I strode inside the room, eyeing Spike’s basket and then a stack of books laid forgotten on Twilight’s bed. By the titles alone, they were about magic. They should’ve been in her stress reading pile. “Are you really fine with hiding what you love doing?”

“...yes.”

“How?”

“I can always study and practice in the basement.”  Twilight looked away. “This isn’t new to me. I’ve always practiced alone, where I excel while others have to catch up…”

“That’s a miserable way to live.”

Twilight frowned at the books by the pedestal, ears aggressively splayed back, and hissed, “Are you here to lecture me?”

I scaled the small staircase lead to the guest bed and tapped the fluff of a pillow. “No. I’m here to go to sleep.” In great timing, the sun dropped from the horizons and a moonlit sky rapidly replaced it. “It’s your choice to hide in the closet, and I won’t stop you. Just don’t be too surprised when you lose sincerity in the process.”

Twilight’s ears straightened and she turned, suddenly intrigued. “You speak from experience?”

But my back was already turned as I climbed onto bed, saying nothing. I buried myself under the covers to hide from the light and my pillow followed, shuffling deeper. 

“Tutorial?”

I breathed, feigning sleep to avoid Twilight’s question. I hoped darkness would envelop me so that I didn’t have to pretend. So I waited. Flickering paper sounded, and I knew Twilight had retreated to her books. The tick tock of the clock and methodological turning of pages stirred a hypnotic touch. I welcomed it. An hour squeezed by until the drowsiness finally arrived and my mind melted into my pillow. For a split moment, there was calm oblivion.





The bed shook and, to my disappointment, I was snapped into lucidoty.

“W-what was that?” Twilight uttered.

It seemed the episode was running its course. I didn’t worry.

The town screamed, the cries of a calamity barely penetrating the Golden Oak Library walls, and my sheets trembled to a rhythmic quaking of gigantic footsteps outside, growing louder...nearer. 

I sleep.

Something slammed downstairs, footsteps echoed and the air cracked of a closing door. 

“Heeeelp!” 

Multiple voices pierced the air. One of them was Trixie’s. I shot up from bed with wide eyes. 

Real shit.

Twilight was alarmed, already galloping down the stairs. Abandoning the bed sheet on the floor from my sudden awakening, I swiftly followed. Who I saw confirmed my fears.

Spike came back to call for Twilight’s help as expected, but shivering in the middle of the room, Snips, Snails, and Trixie huddled together in bloodcurdling fear. Last time I checked, though, this world had no concept of blood. And neither did Trixie and the colts came in such a way.

“Okay, what’s going on?!” Twilight shouted.

“Twilight! You gotta help us,” Spike stammered. “I-it’s coming!”

“What’s coming?!”

“An Ursa Major!” Trixie screeched and set her panicked gaze onto me. “Oh good! It’s you! Since you know so much about Ursa Majors, tell us how to get rid of one!”

At that moment, the entire library shook and everyone screamed. I snapped a glance through a window, and my throat lumped cold. There was fur of midnight pressed against the glass. The library creaked—groaned—and my eyes widened in realization.

“Everyone out of the library NOW!” I shouted.

My words spurned us to gallop out the exit in record time. In the madness, none of us bothered to look at the ginormous hind legs and belly that we ran under. However, the yelling from the mares and boys attracted the attention of the creature we wanted least to notice. The ursa pivoted, rotated a girth that seemed to embody the universe, and lumbered after us with a roar.

“It’s three seasons too fucking early for the tree to go!” I roared back. “Shiiiiiiiiit!”

Cartoon physic did its work, and I felt myself running faster.

“Twilight, do something!” Spike clung tightly to the librarian’s back, enduring the tumultuous ride. “You’re the only pony who can!”

“But I, I!” Twilight huffed and puffed, shaking her head wildly. “I don’t think I can!”

I clicked my tongue. “Well you better start believing! The Ursa Minor’s temper tantrum won’t solve itself!”

“Wait!” Trixie went bug-eyed. “That’s a minor?!” The rumbling behind us got louder, and she yelped. “He’s gaining on us!”

“I could try,” Twilight said, “but I need to calm him down! And I don’t know how!”

“Don’t you have a sleep spell?!” I shouted.

“I would, but I never got to it!”

“What?” My pupils dilated under the darkness. Despite the beat of my heart warming my blood in each passing stride, my spine chilled.

“It was number 25 on our list!” Spike supplied. “But we didn’t have the time and only got to 24!”

A rush of my memory about the episode confirmed it. The sleeping spell was near the bottom of their list . No. It just can’t be! Our talk over Kekism this morning took enough of their time to leave their magic practice unfinished?!

“Oh, what I’d do for Fluttershy to come out and help us!” Spike bemoaned. “But I don’t think even she could do anything for us!”

“Why not defeat the Ursa directly?!” Trixie argued. ”It’s better than running circles around it!”

“We can’t!” I retorted, “Mama bear will bring hell on our asses”

“What does donkeys have to do with it?!”

“Absolutely nothing!”

"Ooof!" Snails' cry pierced us like a needle to wool.

"Woahwoahwoah—gah!" Snips coughed, followed by thuds and slumping dirt.

I skidded to a stop, the others halting as well, and looked back. My heart pulsed. Snips and Snails were tangled in each other's hooves, and in their panic trying to push themselves back to their hooves, they tripped over each other and fell again. Behind them, the Ursa Minor marched as the world quaked at his every step, eye glowing with rage. The colts were about to be trampled. 

"Snips! Snails!" Spike shouted. "What are you two doing?! Run!"

"W-we're trying!" Snails stammered.

“Ohnonono!” Twilight cried. “What are we going to do?! What are we going to do—?!"

I smacked her face with a wing. “Magic dammit!”

My mere presence had ultimately altered the outcome of this episode, and while Twilight would no doubt be able to overcome this, any more variations will render the future unrecognizable. I had to take responsibility.

Kek wills it.

"Trix for kids! On me!”

Trixie blinked. “Wait, are you talking about me—eeeek!” The mare squeaked when I ducked under her barrel and lifted her onto my back like a pony version of piggy back rides. Cartoon adrenaline worked it’s magic; she felt light. She flailed in hysteria. “Put me down put me down put me doooown!”

“Sorry, but it’s your problem, too!” And with a shrug of my wings to secure her on my back, I turned to main mare of this act. “Twilight, do you trust me?”

The firmness in Twilight’s expression said it all. Her horn lit up. “Of course.” Twilight tightened her eyes and widened her stance, horn illuminating the wide street like a star in a black canvas in an intense, lavender glow, blinding to even Spike’s eyes as he covered them with an arm. Scholar or solider, I still couldn’t tell, but I knew which to rely on at that moment. In a burst of light, they both disappeared...

"I don't want to be Ursa chow!" Snails cried as he and his friend finally set their hooves free, but the Ursa had already caught up with paws grazing their tails.

Snips hiccuped, snot trailing down his muzzle. "The is gotta be a bad dream, right? A bad dream!"

...but Twilight reappeared, Spike gasping into existence, and in the split second—before the colts ran past and the giant cub stomped on her—erected a barrier of magic that resembled a bubblegum bubble. Twilight lurched and hissed as the bubble shield squeezed from the pressure, so deceptively weak, yet, it held. 

The Ursa, irritated by the obstacle, went on its hind legs to crush it with both paws.

"Uuuuurggh!" Twilight rasped as the Ursa's weight oppressed her mind. "Now!"

I took my cue to charge right in, Trixie clinging around my neck as she wailed into my ears.

“Are you out of your pony miiiiinds?!”

"If you know what's good you," I shouted back, "start your fucking disappearing act!"

Trixie whimpered under my harsh tone, and did what she was told, horn glittering and glittering under intense light, pulsing by every beat of my galloped. When I reached the Twilight's bubble-shield, I howled a battlecry and leapt—the magician screamed and her wand flashed. 

The entire world went dark as we swam in smoke.

There was a crack under the Ursa's paws, and the shield shattered into motes of lights, dusted away by the thunder of Ursa Minor's landing fore paws and a quake. When the smoke cleared, the Ursa's eyes honed in on the remaining ponies left: Trixie, and I, brave her stead.

The stage was set.

I stretched and popped my wings and glared back, a bead of sweat trailing down my brow. My heart raced furiously, but my mind faster. In the corner of my eye, Snips and Snails watched on in awe at the standoff from an alley, a lavender glow emitting behind them; Twilight readied her spell. The only remaining condition for today's episodic resolution was a sleep spell...  I already had an alternative in mind. So while Trixie shrieked in horror under the behemoth's gaze, I strutted up and pointed. “Attention Space Bear!” I bellowed. “I dub thee he who now would be Seth. NOW GO BACK TO FUCKING BED!”

'Seth' howled in defiance, entitled to his own sleeping habits, and lumbered toward me.

“Keep it up, Trixie! Keep screaming and we’ll be a decisive distraction!” I lauded Trixie with grim focus as the Ursa neared in surging earthquakes. “But looks like our audience wants an encore!”

“What?” A shadow casted over us. When Trixie looked up, she understood immediately. Growling, Seth’s intimidating girth blocked the moon, a paw big enough to crush Trixie’s wagon raised.

The magician’s wand instantly sparkled, and a smoke screen exploded and obscured our figures. The Seth’s paw came down with a resonating thud only to meet nothing. The smoke bulged and cleared as Trixie and I passed under his arm in the nick of time, then right under his belly.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Trixie exhaled in disbelief.

“Focus!”

Seth stomped down a hind leg, and I steered off course before we were squished under it. Trixie screamed from the close call. I saw the Ursa’s fur bristle. He couldn’t see us, but he could hear us. I dived to the side just as Seth’s other hind leg came to swipe across, and we slipped past a narrow opening. Trixie screamed again as Seth danced where he stood. Another paw descended over us before I immediately collapsed to the ground, Trixie whining pitifully as she joined, only to be completely silenced when the paw missed by a hair’s breath.

And then, motionlessness. Seth had expended all of his limbs and was left embarrassingly unbalanced. He began to tilt. I immediately pulled myself off the ground, swinging Trixie along my back, kicked off of the dirt and out from under his belly. The town quaked when the ursa landed.

The ursa flailed like a toddler on his back before rolling to his feet and howled so loud, ears split and the entire town vibrated.

Trixie whimpered. “That’s only making him angrier!”

“Really? Then I could do better!” I then shouted at the Ursa with wings cuffed like a megaphone around my muzzle, “Hey! Seth! If you want your waifu so badly, come and get her!”

Seth snapped toward my voice and bared terrifyingly pony-sized teeth in a snarl, eyes glinting across the dark. He didn’t chase with a crawl. He ran. I turned tail and sprinted with all I had to the boom of his every step.

“Oh my Celestia we are doomed!” Trixe cried as she wrapped both hooves around my neck and held tight. “Why did you have to make him more angry?! Just why?!”

“Angry makes waste!” I then shouted back to Seth once more, "FYI, you're waifu is shit!

Thudding. Crashing. Screaming. A tidal wave of horrific destruction echoed behind us and all of Ponyville. The wide street we ran on cracked, filling the air with the musk and dankness of dirt and dust. Seth wasn’t just angrier, he’s absolutely livid—such was the power of insulting one's waifu.

Facing forward, I neared a familiar alleyway. I felt a heavy thud before realizing the delay on the Ursa’s stride. He’s not completely on the ground anymore. “Smoke now!”

Trixie complied and smoke erupted around us, and in a single motion, we threw ourselves into the alley we were just about to pass. Air brushed our tails as Seth sailed, landed where we just were, and the street exploded in dust—Seth's belly slid and ripped across the street with a crack and a quake—and our coats caught the clouds of dirt and gravel and we coughed from debris and—

...And then stopped. Everything just stopped.

Trixie sobbed where she laid. “T-that—hck!—was insane! How are we still alive!?”

I scratched my shaggy mane as the rancorous itch returned with a vengeance. But I didn't stay laying. I grunted, stood up under shaking hooves, and marched with eyes closed into the moonlit mixture of magical smoke and cloudy debris.

“H-hey, you!" Trixie called. "Where are you going? ...Hello?”

Seth was groaning from the rough landing. But I ignored the obvious danger and bumped into his fur. Seth’s fur felt warm to the touch, hinted by the variation and bumps of heat—stars... Feeling a hoof along it, I made my way where I believed the head was. And then, I spoke in the most monotonous tone I could muster, loud enough so that I could be heard across the entire street.

“Water: A powerful agent that sustains all life as Equestria knows it. Said to be the only element that makes up all magical life save for the bones or exoskeleton, accounting for over 80% of the mana makeup of an average pony...”

The fur rumbled as I spoke. Seth was suddenly exhausted from the reckless stunt, but still brimmed of rage.

“...Metaphor Manifest is a termed used to describe how conceptual or abstract imagery could be actualized in reality through means of willpower in magic. Such is the basis of over 15,000 recorded spells of the practice in Canterlot’s archive and an estimated 20,000 more lost to time. Middle-class and high-class unicorns are capable of performing such spells, with low-class unicorns barring an exception based on their special talent...”

The rumbling faltered.

“...Starswirl’s First Law of Mana states that all conventional elements must return to harmony to maintain the balance of the mana realm. Action invokes a reaction. Second Law of Mana indicates the desire of unity in all mana particles of all types. Mental, physical, and spiritual magic fall victim under this law. Third law…”

Fact after fact, I droned and droned until, finally, I reached Seth’s head. 

He was asleep. 

My voice was boring to listen to that, in his tired state, he had effectively passed out. Before, the bear of the stars was the embodiment of wrathful cosmos, but now peaceful serenity surrounded him as a purple glow illuminated his form...and lifted him. There, I saw Twilight revealed at the other side of the Ursa's body, eyes closed in intense focus as layer upon layer of auras wrapped around her horn like a beacon of the night. I could only watch, admire, graze...or more appropriately, enjoy the show.

Music. The wind blew around Twilight to the play of a music box. The alluring melody bewitches a pinch of drowsiness across the atmosphere to dream the night away. There was no actual music box, not physically or by spell...but it was magic, enchanting.

Slowly, Twilight’s magic lifted him up—up above the buildings. He’s flipped to his back, rocked as though carried by a watchful mother, and folded into his grasp and bear muzzle was a water tower filled with milk; and improvised milk bottle. Carried off by an invisible wind, Seth floated  to the east, peacefully receding past the town’s horizons.

I wryly smiled. “Should I be happy or pissed that it fucking worked?”

Twilight slumped, exhausted. "D-don't question it." A gasp. Another. "It happens to me, too."

The dust cleared up, and I took a gander around. The Ursa wasn’t the only one to have fallen to the spell of sleep. Doors were opened, windows swung out, and the ponies out of their homes to see for themselves the commotion were now snoozing on the ground, along their porches, and even the window sills. I winced. Scarily effective. 

Then, the phantasmal orchestra—the source of the music box—stopped. There came a music of a different tune, more alive and awake.

Ponyville, however, stirred as those who didn't fall asleep came in droves. Waves of ponies brisked past me like I was invisible as their sole attention laid on Twilight, the star of today's show: The Vanquishing of the Ursa Minor. I didn't think much of it. After all, I was merely the appetizer before the big finish, 

Twilight should be okay with explaining things, I decided. Everything will be alright. Twilight will show her stuff, clear the misunderstanding with her friends, and Ponyville will respect her a great deal more for helping the town. I would stick around to make sure, but any more of myself would disrupt it.

I snuck behind the growing crowd and back to the alley, only to find Trixie fast asleep, too. I reached a hoof over to wake her up, but stopped when she muttered something unintelligible...yet happily. I sighed. Breaking her out of her dreams felt...cruel.

Carefully, I hefted the show mare onto my back, letting the soft touch of wings keep her asleep as I secured her on my back once more, and stalked down the alleyway. I took a shortcut, heading to the library to sleep as I stared up Luna’s moon. As always, it was a beautiful night out.

“Sweet dreams, little ponies...”
> Dragonshy
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The eerie ambiance of the Everfree Forest was exactly how I remembered it. Wading through the foliage on an easy path, safe from witnesses, I bite into an apple with no mind for my manners.

The produce of Sweet Apple Acres deserved praise. After a week since being picked and bucked my way in weaponised fruitiness, it still retained its juicy perfection.

I didn’t savor it for long, swallowing to savagely bite over and over until a thin core remained. There were more in my saddle bag anyways. I’ve yet to buy anything else.

One may think I would get sick of apples for breakfast and apples for lunch, but the alternative was a diabetic nightmare. That, and the boxie weight in my saddlebag was too much to eat alone.

I held onto to the core until the path led to an natural adjacent ditch. I tossed the core in, where it joined the dank smell of its rotten brothers and sisters communing to become fertilizer. I wiped my sticky hoof onto my saddlebag’s underside and trotted on.

A wing felt over the scar along my forehead, almost like a ritual, a reminder of the risks I would face going out alone into the wild. I sniffed the air, and nature’s moist chill greeted back. No horrid stench, and the memory of my first night in this world slept on. Feeling safe, I resumed my trek.

I entered a clearing where the fresh sun shined. And by the appearance of light, the ominous ambiance ceased. In its place was the twinkling of the glistening dews on the grass and the glowing sand on the ground, like a spotlight over grains of gold. The light warmed my coat, cooled instantly by a slight draft. I heard the grass and bushes rustling.

But that wasn’t from the wind.

A hollow thud and a brush of air sounded, and I turned just in time to face the icky red insides of a wide open maw.



Revisiting Lessons: Chapter 8


Season 1. Ep 7


Dragonshy






Zecora took a cookie from a box laid out on the humble table and ate it whole. After swallowing the vanilla-chip goodness, she giggled. “To endure such loving attention is quite a task. How did you missed one as big as Manny, I must ask?”

On the other side, I was wiping myself of manticore saliva with a spare towel I kept handy. My preparation proved fruitful—literally scented of apples—but barely enough to clear off the gooeyness that drenched me from mane to tail. The firepit in the middle of the room made it worse, warming the saliva thick and sticky.

I swiped an icky brow with a sigh. “By ‘attention’ you mean fascination of my misery? He’s learning fast. I’ve been able to dodge him but lately he figured out all my blind spots. Troublesome cat.”

“Could you not hear him? With your ears, you could keep your fears thin.”

In an attempt to figure out if my music perception was normal for this world, I once  portrayed it to her as a heightened sense. I figured the knowledge and wise Zecora might have a clue, but I never told her of my exact ability to perceive background music, dropping a few hints. To my disappointment, no reaction like the first time I mentioned it.

“Sometimes, there are things I’d rather not hear. Like an alarm clock.” I chuckled bitterly. “Being snapped back to reality isn’t pleasant.”

“A dangerous mindset to have. If I were you, I wouldn’t laugh.”

Unfortunately, a certain someone rejected her advice. Outside Zecora’s hut and through a glassless window, Manny laughed in deep grumbles over a plate of cake. I frowned as I saw his smug face.

“Shut up and enjoy your cake Manny!” I shouted through the wall. “Jeez…” I dipped my cookie into a wooden cup of tea Zecora respectfully offered. It was soggy but crunchy and leafy-tasting enough to blunt the sheer sweetness that pulsed within.

Zecora did the same, dipping a cookie into her own tea cup. She hummed by the taste. “Once again, you’ve trotted much soil—with more delights for this lonesome mare you spoil.”

“The sweets I keep collecting can’t eat itself. I just thought it’ll be a waste to leave it lying and uneaten,” I said. “Besides, I’m having a holiday and felt like walking for the relief. The Everfree Forest is quiet compared to Ponyville.”

“To relieve?” Zecora merely smiled. “Is that what you want me to believe?”

Gilda’s words in Zecora’s voice made me prematurely bite into my third helping, and large crumbs fell to the floor. Annoyed, I finished the rest before cleaning up my mess.

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you,” Zecora continued. “It’s empty in every street I’ve been to.”

“Then you should see the ponies.” I stared into another cookie, feeling up its texture with a hoof. “From Nightmare Moon and an Ursa...it’s been nonstop. In two and a half pony weeks since the Summer Sun Celebration, I’ve found myself in the middle of more trouble than it’s worth.”

“You’ve told a story or two. Quite fantastic if true.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. My hoof hovered over another cookie but stopped. Instead, I chewed the side of my cheek. ”Say... Can I bother you with another story? I’d like your input on…” I paused. Frowning, I felt silly. ”Never mind. I know long conversations with me tend to make my listeners fall asleep.”

“Oh?” The zebra raised a brow in amusement. “Try me, my friend. I’ll stay awake from beginning to end.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s rare of you to willingingly share detail, a fresh treat in these long, silent trails.” Zecora placed a humble hoof over her heart. “So to listen, I will not fail.”

By the zebra’s warm encouragement, I was reminded of all the days she took care of me, how her patience seemed unending. I stared up at the tribal masks near the ceiling. One of them said hello. I felt the warmth of my teacup and sighed after a sip. Throat wet, I began my tale.

“It started with a dragon who slept in a mountain…”





--Yesterday--


“Be sure to feed the birds in wide open space. They don’t like to crowd over their food.”

“Uhuh.”

“Oh! And Mrs. and Mr. Mice are quite sensitive. Keep the volume low.”

“Yeah.”

“And, um, let the bunnies out by playtime for their exercise.”

“Got it.”

Fluttershy, my soft-spoken employer, hummed into a hoof. “Um, what else? Oh! And don’t forget to—eeep!” She mewled when a purple glow encompassed and levitated her.

Fluttershy receded from the front porch, revealing Twilight with a sheepish smile and smartly garbed in saddlebags.

“Let’s go, Fluttershy,” Twilight sternly urged and walked off with the animal caretaker in tow. With a glance, she smiled at me. “See you later, Tori.”

I had no idea what to feel about Twilight adopting my nickname.

However, Fluttershy frantically flailed in the telekinetic grip, stammering on. “A-and feed them the right amounts! Don’t be mad when they make a mess! Help clean up after them! And make sure to change their water each time! And, and—!”

“Understood. Be safe in your journey, Ms. Shy.” I waved goodbye before shutting the door, as well as the conversation, to a close. “...Cute,” I mutter, allowing a dumb grin in my face before killing it.

Fluttershy and I may not be much for small talk, but in business, she sure knew how to instruct, whether she noticed it or not. I listen and she talk; It was a surprise to find how much she wanted to say. For third best pony, that in itself was adorable.

I turned around. The library turned into a zoo. Birds of varying colors fluttered and criss-crossed paths along the ceiling, racing from ledge to ledge in playful competition while bunnies explored the book stands and furniture below. One of the book stands, Mr. Ferret sniffed a book as if attempting to decipher the words within.

And then there was Angel, a pure white bunny like others of his kind, but there was no doubting the mischievous glint in his beady eyes as Spike fruitlessly chased him around and around a bookstand centered in the library. The Mr. and Mrs. Mice Fluttershy mentioned steered clear, taking refuge in an empty bookcase.

In a desperate leap, Spike lunged for Angel, only to be thwarted by a mere turn of the tail. The resulting thud startled nearby animals into a frenzy, scattering them everywhere. The dragon’s face slid along the floor and up to my hooves. He rolled over, dazed as he stared up at me.

“Uuugh…” His eyes wobbled. “A little help? Please?”

“Hang in there, Spike.” I offered a thin smile. “You can do it.”

Spike groaned as he stumble up. “Easier said than done…”

The animals were in disarray from Spike and Angel’s comedic chasing skit. A plethora of bunnies and mice even joined the Mr. and Mrs. in their bookcase to get away from all the drama. It would take awhile for them to calm down. Mr. Ferret, however, gave no shits and still stared at his book.

“Grrr! That furball…” Spike pointed accusingly at Angel, who sat at the top of the stairs toward Twilight’s study. Fortunately, it was closed off. “He’s been trying to make a mess since he came here!”

Standing over the chaos, Angel gleamed down at us before blowing a raspberry and turning his head away.

“Oh, why that little—!”

I laid a hoof over his shoulder, stopping his march. “Now, now, Spike. Love and tolerate. The guy’s provoking you.”

“Well, what are we supposed to do?!”

I patted his head with a wing. “Chill. Fluttershy hired me on occasions, so I know my way around this. If we can’t contain him, may as well convince him. All we have to do is speak his language.”

“Uh, dude?” Spike raised a brow. “We’re not Fluttershy.”

“We don’t have to be to bribe a bunny. To the kitchen, Spike. I hope you can make a good salad.”





“A bunny?” Zecora blinked. “Little ones who gaits where it's sunny?”

“Mean alpha bunny,” I corrected. “He does what he pleases. We couldn’t maintain the peace without settling him down.”

Zecora nodded in understanding. “So you did what you can. How goes your plan?”

“Eh. It went well. Maybe too well...”





Angel lazily laid in a bowl of salad, a handkerchief wrapped around his neck. A fork in his paw stabbed a piece, reached over his head to dip it in a small bowl of salad dressing, and he ate the salad who, crunching noisily in his mouth. It was his fifth damn bowl. Lazy fucker.

To the side, I stood at attention as I awaited my next order, to which, Angel waved a paw in dismissal. I gladly left the kitchen with a sigh.

Everything was at peace. I saw a couple of birds chirping among the mice in their bookshelf, negotiating...something. Mr. Ferret got several pages through, the clever critter. But there, with bunnies hopping in dainty circles around him, Spike laid splat on the floor with a dictionary as a pillow.

The bunnies scattered off as I approached. There, I joined him, wings sprawled across the floor and head cushioned over today’s newspaper. “Ursa Major Whisked Off to Sleep by Resident Librarian!” its front cover said.

And so we resumed our meditation, listening to the clock ticking on.

We both sighed.

“And that,” I said, “is how you make a deal with the devil.”

“Food.” Spike’s eye twitched. “That’s all what it all took. All I did was chop up our high quality cabbage, too.” A sparrow landed on one of his spikes, so he began petting its feathers. “I know I wanted an off day, but this stinks. I mean, I don’t even feel...productive.”

“What? No comic books?”

“Nah. Already finished the latest issue. Kinda disappointing and not much to discuss. I’m surprised, though. You’re not enlisted to help the girls get the dragon to leave? It’s almost like you’re being…” Spike trailed off, watching as the sparrow flew away. “...left out.”

I snorted. “What good would I do? Talk the dragon into a sleeping coma? That’s the opposite of what we want. If I go, I’ll just be in the way. Twilight’s just being smart.” Dissing myself with hardly a bat of a lash, I shrugged. “I’m more of a homebody anyways.”

“Still, it’s better than sitting in the library and, well, doing nothing,” he grumbled. “I bet they're having fun fighting off the dragon or something…”

“...That’s your own kind you’re talking about.”

“You know what I mean.”

A pair of pigeons took their turn standing on the dragon’s head. But before Spike could get the chance to pet them, they fluttered off. He turned to me with a wry smile. “Eh, oh well. We got each other’s company, yeah?”

I chuckled. “Preach it, brother.”

It went quiet again. We awkwardly stared at the ceiling, doing nothing and feeling nothing...nothing save for the pit of boredom in our stomachs.

Spike suddenly sat up. “I’m getting a little hungry, actually.” He patted his belly with a lick of his lips. “What do we have?”

I couldn’t blame his famished state. It’s been hours since the girls left, and it became routine between tending to the animal’s needs and catering to Angel’s every whim.

“Let me check.” I dragged myself off the floor and toward the fridge, where I opened it to behold the colorful foodies inside. “We got blueberry fritters from the couple downtown, lollipops from janitor work, carrot popsicles from Carrot Top, cherry pie from the Postal Office, vanilla cookies, a gallon of berry punch from...Berry Punch, yada yada yada, lime cupcakes, neapolitan cupcakes, creamless cupcakes, aaand a normal muffin...” My eyes trailed downward. “Oh, and a whole month's supply of apples. Still can’t believe we dedicated an entire compartment to them.”

“Yeeesh! When’s the last time you brought home bits?”

“When I sold raw sugar.”

A rapid knocking sounded at the library door. Spike and I perked up, looking at each other. We get visitors interested in a book or two, mundane for something so rare, but we’ll accept anything that’ll alleviate our boredom. I navigated through the sea of skittering critters and reached the door. Cautiously, I opened it.

“Behold! The Great and Powerful Trixie has return—”

“Shhh!” A hoof to her muzzle, she shushed instantly. “This is library,” I uttered cryptically. “Anyways, what are you doing here?”

“Am I not allowed to pay a visit to my dearest host?” Trixie said with a pout.

“Technically, it’s Twilight who is. And, well…” I glanced over my back. “Not like this.”

Trixie looked to the side past me and stared. The animals stared back. Our eyes met, and she asked, “Can we still come in?”

“...we?”

“My… our two admirers have come to bask themselves in our presence.”

“What.” I looked down.

Sure enough, peaking out of the bedazzling cape and between the forehooves of the nonplussed magician were Snips and Snails. When they saw me, their eyes lit up in awe as if they saw the Master Chief himself, so excited that they spazzed in place.

Snails gasped. “It’s you!”

“Uh…” I blinked. It took moment, but I realized who he’s pointing at. “Me?”

Suddenly, I was forced to lean back as the energetic duo invaded my space in jabbering messes. Their hooves almost entangled mine, speaking with great joy toward me. Of all people.

Snips did a jig in place. “Holy Celestia! I’m really meeting you—and I haven’t turned into goop yet! Hah! Take that, Rumble!”

“Hey hey!” I shushed. “Quiet, remember?”

“Oh! Right!” In an exaggerated whisper this time, Snips continued, “But still, this is sooo cool! I get to meet you a second time and live to tell the tale! Can’t wait to tell this to the class!” He goofily chuckled under his breath before surprising me with his starry eyes. “Is it true?! You used your hidden third eye under your bangs to assassinate the Ursa’s mind? We didn’t see it that night—we fell asleep all of a sudden.”

“I—”

Snails’ mane danced when he nodded. “Can your third eye really see into the future?”

“Wha—?”

“Do you really know ninjutsu from far away lands?!”

“And are you really a zombie?” Snails gasp. “A ninja-zombie?!”

“A super spy?!”

“A robot from the future?!”

“And-and—!”

Eventually, the two stopped taking turns and their whispers meshed into an incomprehensible slew of rumor after rumor, more outlandish than the last. How the hell was I supposed to respond to all that? Actually, no. I shouldn’t.

Instead, I just stared.  “...aren’t you two grounded?”

That shattered their excitement like a hammer to glass. Looking at each other, the two chuckled sheepishly under my empty gaze. They weren’t supposed to be out and about, were they?

I looked at Trixie.

“They’re like that to me the whole way here, too,” Trixie said blank-faced. “‘I found them sneaking out of their houses. ‘To see you’ they said, but their ninja roleplay was so horrendous, I took pity on them after much of their begging to use my ninja arts.”

“...isn’t that kidnapping?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Begging,” she hissed.

...the two did something extreme, didn’t they? I nodded understandingly and stepped wordlesdly aside to let the three unicorns in.

“Woooah!” Snips glanced around in wonder at the corners and at the shelves of the library to find an animal each time. “This is so neat! I didn’t know the library includes a petting zoo.”

“It usually doesn’t.” Spike greeted them with narrowed eyes, arms crossed. “Just what are you three doing here?”

“We are here to see the legend himself!” Snails said, gesturing toward me.

“Oh, oh!” Snips hopped up and down. “Is Twilight here, too? We wanted to thank her for saving us.”

Spike deadpanned. “No.”

“Awww. I mean, she was so awesome!” Snips seemed to glow over at the mention of one of his saviours. “She just popped in and whisked the ursa away! It was so amazing—the lights were so pretty and bright...”

“It was real magic!” Snails added, wiggling from where he stood. “Like, uh, like fireworks!”

Trixie bristled.

“Well, duh!” Spike rolled his eyes. “Twilight’s the best magic user in town—wait a minute.” He made a face and pointed at the two. “You’re saying this now, but didn’t all that happen because you two were trying to prove a point?”

Snips and Snails looked at each other. Snips opened and closed his mouth. Snails blinked slowly. Very, very slowly. But together, a nervous drop of sweat trailed under their horns when they realized what Spike meant.

Spike glowered at the sweating colts.

In the corner of my eye, however, a slight shadow casted over Trixie. She was grumbling to the side, something about a fireworks show, face turning dangerously red. I winced. No matter how involved she was in subduing the ursa, Trixie was played as a mere prop to Twilight’s grander performance. It may be narcissistic, but she held complicated feelings toward the lavender unicorn.

Very smooth, kids. Very smooth.

“Hey,” I said. “It’s not worth thinking about.”

Trixir jolted back to reality. “I-I’m not thinking anything! Definitely not about Sparkle!”

She was so transparent, I rolled my eyes. “Just worry a little more about yourself, alright? It’s not like you to be jealous.”

“Alright, alright!” Trixie sneered. “You keep saying that...”

I pray Spike and Trixie could hold it in. Snips and Snails were just kids after all, so they didn’t know any better...even if their stupidity almost got them killed...and endangered the entire town...and destroyed Trixie’s narrative as a showmare… Basically, it was stupidity of the cartoon variety.

Finally, Spike groaned as he pulled his face in exasperation. “You. Two. Are. Idiots. I swear.”

“Yeaaah,” Snails drawled. “We get that a lot. Kinda like when Snips and I keep getting these funny looks ever since the ursa happened.” He frowned. “Now that I think about it, we get those even before that.”

Snips snorted and flicked his horn. “That’s because it’s just you, doofus!”

“Sounds like you both have permanent seats as the class clowns. Congratulations.” I chuckled, clapping my hooves. “Only one for every classroom is bestowed such an honor. For there to be two is a miracle.”

Snails stared, processing my meaning. “Uh...what?”

“So, wait.” Concern crossed Snips’s face. “Are we…are we going to be laughed at? Forever?”

I shook my head. “Nah. It just meant that they’ll never forget your mistake, nor let you live it down. Whether or not it’s something to laugh about is up to them. Nothing to be bothered about.”

“If you say so...”

Trixie coughed, gaining our attention. “Anyways! I was out having Hayburgers this afternoon,” she said as if it was the most dignified thing in the world. “I saw a poster of Tori gorging on hayfries, forbidding him from ever returning, so I thought to share the news: I’m leaving town today.”

“Uuuh…” When she looked at me smiling, I forced a smile. “Thanks?”

“And good riddance,” Spike muttered.

Trixie ignored that, smirking proudly. “Your welcome! To be frank, I’m just here to get away from all the crazy. No offense to Ponyville.”

“None taken,” I droned.

“Oh! And did you know? Winter is coming. The pegasi are out testing the winter clouds. It’s as though nopony was worried at all about the smoke! I like their style. If it’s not a problem now, they’ll worry later,” she said chuckling. Then, she pointed toward my neck. “Ever thought of changing that shabby scarf of yours?”

To call it a scarf would be generous. It’s ragged strings at its current state. Still, it was all I had for the winter for now.

I huffed. “Firstly, my hobo scarf is awesome. Secondly, that cost bits. I’ve taken up knitting to save money.”

Spike snapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his snickering. “You mean those holey blankets you made? Dude, they weren’t even scarves! They were so bad that I could put my arm through one!”

Trixie gave me a look.

And I gave it to Spike. “She did not need to know that.”

“Heh. Sure.” Spike smirked and pointed a thumb. “Say that to the blankets over there.”

We followed his claw. The animals found them, my ‘practice’ trials. A colorful team of birds tugged and pulled blankets as holey as a changeling loose from the books I hid them behind, cleverly guided by Mr. Mice’s gesturing paws. He eased them gently, signalling the birds to drape the blankets along the shelf the Mice Couple settled into.

Snips and Snails shared a look, turned to Trixie, who returned a shrug, and then at me, the befuddlement obvious in their faces. Compared to their own questions, what they just learned was mundane in comparison.

I looked away. “Shut up…”

“Uh,” Snails uttered. “We didn’t say anything.”

“Shut up!”

Then, there was knocking. So sharp and authoritative the sound that it demanded our attention. We all turned, and the door sounded once more. Huh. Another? Out of curiousity, I was drawn to open the door, but when I did—

“Hazzah, Tutorial! So we meet in reality once more—”

—I instantly closed it back. Rubbing my forehead with a wing in a daze, my mind churned from what I just saw. It was inconsistent—it defied canon. So...why? “Am I…” My brows pursed together. “Am I dreaming?”

The knocking resumed. “Open thy chamber door this instant! ‘Tis not a dream!”

“Must be. There was a vague reference of ‘The Raven’ just now.” After thinking it over for a few moments, I opened the door to check and see.

Wings. Horn. Regalia. As if by holy order that all shall gaze in awe, Princess Luna of the Night—mane like the midnight sky and coat like rich velvet—stood proud and tall as she loomed over me, a stark contrast to the meek princess those three weeks ago. Her displeased pout was ever so graceful.

I stared blankly. “...You’re real, aren’t you?”

“Hmmph! But of course! Only in thy dreams do we share our presence, so we thought to visit. Something special between friends, we believe is the right phrase.”

“That’s actually the problem,” I said sighing. “I thought you are in rehab.”

“Be as that may, our state does not disallow us to waltz as we please.” Luna smiled. “Now, is that anyway to greet a guest?”

I glanced behind to see the shocked faces of the others, their jaws hung open at Luna. My gaze snapped them back to reality, and they immediately bowed, the colts clumsily so. The animals recognized royalty when they saw it and followed suit. I, the last peasant standing, turned back to her.

“...would you like cupcakes, ojou-sama?”





“A magician and a princess?” Zecora playfully winked, her open eye glinting. “I see your friendships find progress.”

“Friendship is a bit strong… We mostly occupy each other’s space and, well, talk. Awkwardly... Randomly...”

“But are you not happy among company?”

“I…” I stopped, looking away. “Does it really matter?”

She smiled. As if she already knew.





“A-an actual princess!” Everyone could see the stars sparkling in Trixie’s eyes. “Hit me. I must be dreaming—OW! I didn’t mean it, Snails!”

Snails sheepishly retracted his horn. “Oops. Sorry!”

Luna frowned. “We thought we have established that this is real.” Lifting a cupcake in a telekinetic glow, she nibbled the bread and cream. “Lime...? Interesting. We must say, twas a splendid treat! Just what is it?”

“Cupcakes, your majesty,” Spike helpfully supplied. “Guess you don’t have those back then, huh?”

“Cupcakes… I’ll be sure to remember that.”

Dessert was on me. All I did was grab as many confections from the fridge as I could, compiled them in separate plates and placed them in flowery arrangements on the center table. Snips and Snails glowed at the glossy colors, Trixie drooling in particular, acting like kids in a candy store. In fact, some of them I actually did get from a candy store. Or six. Luna? Enraptured like a kitten seeing technology for the first time. Spike and I watched, amused.

Another bite and Luna swallowed. “Thou art the assistant of Twilight Sparkle, yes?

“Yep! That’s me!” He saluted. “Spike the Dragon at your service!”

“Then we’d like ask thee something—”

Trixie choked on her cupcake and went bug-eyed, drawing our attention. After a few coughs, she sputtered, “W-wait! You’re a dragon?!”

“Of course.” Spike crossed his arms and glared. “What did you think I was?”

“I thought you’re just an overgrown lizard.”

“Overgrown liz—Hey!”

The animals dispersed from Spike’s smoldering glare. Noticing their anxiety, I wrapped a wing around his shoulder to cool him down. He blinked upon contact. “Don’t tease him, Trixie,” I said. “He may be a baby dragon, but he sure can roast some tail.”

“Uh, yeah!” Spike blurted. “Totally!”

Luna frowned as the conversation derailed. “Yes, yes. Now—”

“Whatever.” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Not like I feel threatened.”

Spike bristled. “Excuse me?”

“I mean it. You’re just so, so ‘cute.’”

“Ugh!” Spike squirmed out of my wing. “You’re always like this! You and your holier-than thou act! This isn’t a stage, Trixie. If you weren’t hiding behind Tori’s generosity right now, I’d totally show my dragon breath on you!”

“What? Me?!” Trixie held a hoof to her chest, offended. “You think I have an attitude? What about you, heckling over a show?! He may have offered the spare bed to me, but I wouldn’t take advantage of his hospitality more than I already am!”

“He sleeps in the bookshelves!” Spike pointed, and there it was: Blankets, some borrowed and some knitted, pressing along the inner frame of the bookshelf formed a cozy space. Inside was a pillow and some newspapers, imitating a bed.

Everyone stared for a moment and, slowly, looked at me.

“W-well, uh…” Feigning innocence, I shrugged my wings. “If books can be snug and comfy, then why can’t I?”

“...It may explain why thou dreamed of bookshelves as of late…” Luna muttered. She blinked. “Wait. What are we saying? We wish to speak—!”

“I thought only kids do that sort of thing,” Snips said, raising a brow at me. “Are you even an adult?”

“Sure I am!” I felt judged under their unconvinced gazes. I listed off by the feathers of a wing, “I work endlessly with questionable pay, live a repetitive lifestyle, don’t give a damn in general…”

“Uh…” Snails titled his head. “That’s...an adult?”

Spike slowly took a step back. “Okay, dude? You’ve got a pretty twisted idea of what an adult is.”

Trixie nodded, shifting toward Spike’s side as she not-so-subtly edged away from me.
“For once, I agree.”

“Oh, come on! It’s true!” Unfortunately, they all just stared in pity. “Okay, really? Fuck you guys.”

“ORDEEEEEER!”

We instantly shut up, all noise ceasing save for the skittering of animals.

Seeing this, Princess Luna nodded in approval. “Hmm. Good. We haven’t lost our touch.”





Silver streaked the open skies.

Wings flapped to the drumbeats of war as fleets of Royal Guard flew in V-shaped formations. From overhead to the mountain peaks in the horizon, smog stretched, and so armored pegasi methodically cleared the smoke, their armor glinting from the light that pierced through.

Down below, the earth shuddered as the Royal Guard marched in harmony. Civilians stumbled left and right, dragging their foals away from their path, gawking. A trio of ponies led the parade, the middle pony carrying drums as big as his body on each side, his companions hitting them to the beat.

In the Town Square, a formation sevens rows wide and seven columns deep stood at attention. They were as still as statues, unmoving and unnerving—but it didn’t stop a group of foals from playing ball in between their tall hooves. The Guards made no reaction.

All of this we saw through the library’s window.

“Woooooah...” Snips and Snails echoed, faces smudged against the glass as they used me as a stool.

“Talk about a dramatic entrance…” I muttered. Could it actually be? The Royal Guard? Being competent?

Spike’s head swam from the overwhelming, and unnecessary, show of military might. “That’s in Ponyville?!”

Princess Luna preened from our reactions. “Nothing less for a dragon subjugation. It took a bit of convincing, but our sister gave us permission to use some of her Royal Guard.”

“‘Some?!’” For Trixie’s next trick, her brows disappeared under her hat. “This looks like the entire army!”

“We did request as such, but close enough. Now, as for what we were going to ask…” Luna looked at Spike. “When shall we go oust the dragon? Twilight Sparkle and company should be ready, yes?”

Everyone except Luna froze.

She frowned. “Is something the matter?”

“Um...Princess?” Spike sweat all over. “I don’t know how to let you down easy but...Twilight and the others set off hours ago.”

“...What.”

“You’re sister duped you, basically,” I said bluntly.

“W-wha…?” The princess looked as though her dreams were torn into shreds before her very eyes. “I—we—b-but…!”

But her words fell when, with cosmic timing, the door opened, revealing a Royal Guard pegasus. “Princess Luna,” he throatedly called. “The dragon was sighted to have just left.”

Luna’s eyes shrank to prinpricks. “...left?”

The soldier nodded. “The smoke has stopped growing as well. It seems we are not...necessary.”

Not necessary.

I flinched. The world’s music...it just stopped. In it’s place, the words echoed as if taunting the room for its silence. We watched as Luna stood frozen, mane overshadowing her eyes with only clenched jaws visible, silent as she emitted a dangerous aura. We edged away.

“We see… Leave us. Prepare our departure.”

“Y-yes, your highness.” He paused. “May we also stop marching around town? We’ve been doing so since we arrived, and the soldiers are getting tired. And, uh, the towns ponies are also getting...nervous.”

“Yes, yes just… Just go.”

The guard was quick to realize and edged out with a bow. “B-by your command.”

The sharp close of the door felt like a slap to our faces right after the rejection. Luna flinched. We all did. She began to hyperventilate.

I quickly became a living shield as the ponies and drake hid behind me, peering past my pried-open wings, watching in trepidation. I made no comment and stared along.

Then, after a minute, nothing.

Luna took deep, calming breaths, and the library fell silent once more…

—before exploding toward the heavens.

“CEEEEEEEELEEEEEEESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”





“So this is what you wish to speak of: the philosophy of being in need of.”

“Yeah…” I stared into my tea. No reflection. “We could be the bravest in the world, disguised behind a shy personality but, when it comes down it not everyone will give us a chance to prove ourselves. It’s natural to judge the cover.”

“Hmm… But if we wish our lives to rearrange, perhaps it's us who needs to change.”

“Change, huh?” I chuckled. “That’s like saying we’re not good enough to begin with.”

That’s the challenge of being a brony of the autistic variety: We whine, we complain, getting too obsessed with our own headcanons to do or see things differently. By no means were we, in a true sense, mentally or socially retarded. Just stubbornly clinging into a time loop, where we refuse to move on.

For me, my time loop was nostalgia for the sake of it.

When I reached into the cookie box for another helping, I realized it was empty save for a few crumbs. It had been for a while. Fishing into my saddlebag, I procured a fruit that glowed orange from the light of the fireplace. I hoofed it over to Zecora. “Apple?”





“Sir?”

“Yes, private?”

“Are we...are we useless?”

“Huh? Now what got you into thinking that?”

“Well… Me and some of the boys go waaay back.” Hooves shuffled, and armor clanked with the motion. “We thought the Royal Guard was pretty cool, fighting monsters and defending our nation for the greater good and all that. It’s our foalhood dream. But ever since we’ve joined, it wasn’t what we expected.”

“Hmmm. I see. A common misconception. Back then, that may be true, but Equestria has been the most peaceful in decades.” Steel creaked as it went taut. “But that doesn’t change that we are the Royal Guard, defenders of Equestria!”

At that, metal rattled. “But I don’t want to tell my grand kids one day that I stood next to a door and stared into space for all my life!”

“Sorry, sonny, but it’s what you signed up for.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know… But really. This dragon subjugation was everything that we wanted; some excitement and purpose in our lives. And for all that to be just...taken away? It’s frustrating.”

A sigh. “I know, private. I know. I feel the same.”

There was a pause.

“Say...it’s gone quiet in there. Think it’s now safe to check in and see?”

“Absolutely not.”

The soldiers guarding the door went silent, signaling the end to the conversation. Unbeknownst to them, the library walls were thin, and we heard everything down to the last word. We shared their sentiments.

After Luna’s Dan Vs. moment and the ensuing animal panic attack, Spike and I fortunately reclaimed order in the library, leading up to now.

Backs to the floor and gazes to the ceiling, we encircled the plates of sweets in suffocating silence. Just...laying there.

Spike and I were exactly where we were before we had our guests.

Trixie was uncharacteristically ponderous, head laid on a bundled cape that acted as a pillow. The stillness broke when she reached out to swat away a pair of sparrows that nestled into her hat.

Meanwhile, Snails relaxed on the pudge of Snips’s stomach, who didn’t seem to mind. The two joined our excursion into silence for the sake of silence, a remarkably mature thing for children to do. Then again, this was a library.

Luna looked comfortable in her regalia, going with nothing else. Well, not entirely. Bunnies had hopped and balled-up into the comfort of her wings, a robin nestled into her mane.

After bribing the critters with sweets, animal therapy did wonders to mellow Luna out. Now, she’s the embodiment of calm as a bunny took a liking to her and nuzzled her cheek. I felt more jealously than I should’ve.

So there we were, a bunch of side characters shoehorned into villainy or minimal screen time for little else except suiting the narrative, laying on the floor with utter boredom in our faces, content with the laziness of the late afternoon. After all, what’s the point when the world had no need of us at the moment?

As one, we sighed.

Yes. We’re having an existential crisis.

“So. Ms. Lulamoon. Thou art second best as well?”

Trixie ran a hoof along the stars in her pillow-cape. She smiled thinly. “Yeah. I am. Nice to know even a princess understands. Although, I keep hearing about Twilight Sparkle being all ‘glorious’ and ‘amazing,’” she said sardonically.

“We heard from our sister. Fending off an ursa attack is a tremendous feat.”

“But shouldn’t me and Tutorial deserve a mention?” Trixie blurted. “We were there, too. I mean, after all we’ve been through, our names didn’t get in the front covers! ...if you please excuse me for thinking so, Your Highness.”

“Don’t worry!” Snips offered a smile. “We think you’re both awesome!”

I turned my head. Why am I involved?

“Yeah, yeah,” Trixie grumbled, “But the majority says otherwise…” She sighed. “And they’re right. My act was lousy compared to hers. Heck, I’m not sure I was even...necessary.”

“Aye. Same for our sister.” Luna petted the scruff of a bunny's head. “She always shined the most between the two of us, and it took far, far too long to let go of our jealousy… Even now we wonder if anything changed at all.” She gazed out the window, where the smoky sky seemed to clear. “We wanted to make that change with our own two hooves. It seems now isn’t the time. But thou? I believe thou made a difference.”

By her words, Trixie’s eyes brightened. “You...you really think so?”

“Of course! Their unstoppable might could very well topple Equestria in several moons! Without thy cunning, the incident could’ve been much, much worse.” Luna paused, humming to taste of a lime cupcake before swallowing. “Although, have the laws concerning such endangered creatures been lax? Why, in our time, to provoke them was forbidden! A mythical creature such as an Ursa doesn’t just rampage without reason. So why did they...”

In the corner of my eye, Snips and Snails chuckled nervously. Their eyes shrunk with a faraway look that saw into a bleak, possible future from their imagination. I could only guess that they saw entire homes squishing into pancakes. Literally.

“Just keep being idiots and don’t think about,” I whispered. Throwing that bit of questionable advice, I shrugged. “You’ll be happier that way.”

However, they gazed to the ceiling with haunted looks.

“I don’t think we can...” Snips muttered.

Snails nodded slowly. “Me either.”

Luna glanced our way. “Something the matter over there?”

We spoke in unison, “Nothing!”

The princess blinked, not sure what to make of our strange behaviour. So, she just nodded and gazed back toward the ceiling.

Trixie stared along with her, deep in thought. “...How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Learn to live again.”

The princess was silent at first, finding an excuse in eating a cupcake, face hardened from thought. Eventually, her eyes softened. “...it isn’t easy. The world is so new to us, but what remains the same is the memory of our actions those thousand years ago. Fairytales they may be now, but our return guaranteed their rightful place in the history books. We simply just...live. And learn.”

Trixie frowned. “That’s it?”

“Well, we suppose it’s helpful to have a friend to urge thou along.” Craning her head so that her eyes glanced ‘up’, Luna smiled at me. “After all, we must first realize how badly we want something.”

I blinked.

“...But what are we doing?” Suddenly, Luna sat up and got to her hooves. She sternly gazed at us. “Stand up! Are we not proud ponies and drake?”

Who were we to deny an order from the princess? Our bodies ached from laying on floor for so long as we awkwardly stood up. However, Luna frowned at our lack of enthusiasm.

“Are we not done wallowing in self pity?! Tis too good of a day for such activities!” Luna began pacing back and forth, like a sergeant to her soldiers. “Our mistakes may be there for all to see, but that’s no excuse to stagnate. We must dedicate all our power to make up for them!”

I wasn’t sure if she’s referring to just herself or all of us anymore. But...this sudden burst of willpower… I smiled. “Even if, in the end, it won’t make up for the greater whole?” I challenged.

“Doth thou doubt us? Even if it won’t make up for a mere fraction!” Luna puffed her chest with a smirk. "Tis a certainty. We refuse to waste our second chance!"

"A long endeavor considering the starting line."

"Nothing is permanent." Luna brilliantly smile. "Believe us. We know."

“Hmmph! That’s right. I am Great and Powerful, after all,” Trixie boasted in a flare. “So what if I’m second best? I’ll just be number one my own way.”

The princess snapped to her with a winning grin. “Then we shall we be second best together?”

The magician smirked, reeking of egoism. “Well, the more the merrier!"

"Then behold!" Luna wrapped her new companion around her wing, waving a hoof to a not-so distant future. "We shall be reborn!"

And suddenly, the two most grandiose ponies in the room hit it off together. The brimming liveliness between the two was so contagious, the two colts bounced where they stood.

“We’re going to be the best class clowns!” Snails proclaimed.

“Yeah—! Wait, no!” Snips glared at his friend. “I thought we’re going to be ninjas!”

“Oh. Right. That, too.”

Seeing the overflowing energy around him, Spike looked down his claws. He clenched them, narrowing his eyes. He looked at me, and I did so in kind.

"Spike?"

"I don’t know about them, but I think I’m okay," he said. “Maybe I will be left behind to do the housework, but,” he waved his claws, "these are the claws of Twilight’s number one assistant. They wrote the biggest words in the Equestrian dictionary as fast as they could be said! She still needs me, and that’s all what matters. I can’t doubt myself."

I cocked my head to the side, feeling helpless. To my memory, his resolve will be tested from his identity to his purpose. He’ll have a long road ahead. 

“‘The noble dragon is right! There’s no room for doubt!” Luna shook a hoof in royal rage. “Who dost Celestia think we are?! One day, it shall be we who'll have the first slice of morning cake!”

“Trixie is sick of the world stage dragging her down!” Trixie’s hoof joined her.

“Us, too!” Snips declared, and he and Snails lifted hooves.

I gulped. It’s getting a bit too loud. “Um, guys? The animals—”

A chorus of squeaks and chirping sang from the bookshelves. I looked and almost did a spit take.

What was once an empty shelf became a minor fortress worthy of spectacle. On a sparrow’s back, Mr. Mice brandished his tinfoil sword as his knightly garb of newspaper fluttered, a legion of birds at his beck and call. Mrs. Mice waved to her boyfriend, a tinfoil princess hat flapping along. The fair animal kingdom too sought a revolution, looking ready to fight off a dragon. My worries were wasted.

That left me and Spike with deadpanned expressions, the last bit of sanity in the room.

“Tori?” 

“Yes, Spike?”

“Would it be okay if I joined in?”

“...I’ll hold onto your common sense until you’re done.”

“Thanks, man!” Then, Spike shot a fist to the ceiling, lost in the excitement. “Bring it on, boredom! I’ve got comic books to read and letters to write!”

I sighed, stupefied. One after another, they all bounced back into the limelight as though they leaped from a trampoline at the bottom of the abyss. Without reason or clue as to why or how, in a brilliant display of cartoon tone shift, they all burned with an incomprehensible passion.

I could do nothing else but face the cartoony day with a defeated smile.

Cracking and clattering sounded from the kitchen, startling us out of our excitement. Something rolled and rolled into the room—a bowl cleaned of salad—before shuddering to a stop. We stared. Just like that, the motivation popped away like a balloon as lethargically settled back into silence, limbs falling to our sides.

Spike sighed, facepalming. “Angel?”

I nodded. “Angel.”

“...I’ll get the mop.”





“Awww!” Snips whined. “Are you really going?”

“We wanted to hear more!” Snails added.

Luna, Spike, and I watched as the duo crowded around Trixie.

The train whistled to its eventual departure, resonating throughout the train platform. It was time for Trixie to go. Properly this time, because unlike in the original “Boast Busters” episode, she won’t be running off without her necessities.

“Do not weep, little ponies. The Great and Powerful Trixie will one day return from her long journey!” Trixie knelt down to them with an affectionate grin. Despite the flamboyance, there was hint of tenderness. “Now, remember: Your actions and words have consequences, be they real or fake. They have power no matter what anypony else says.”

“Yes, Trixie!” they said in unison.

“But when you come back, we’ll be as good as you!” Snips said, determination glowing in his grin. “Believe it!”

“Yeah!” Snails nodded. “We’ll learn your ninja way!”

Trixie pleasantly laughed. “Well, I most certainly hope you’ll be better than the me of now!”

“Well said, Lulamoon,” Luna said smiling. “We hope for the best thy endeavors.” A buzzing echoed from above, and she gazed skyward. “We must be going. Our time is up.”

Overhead, the skies buzzed with legions upon legions of guards flying toward Canterlot. I could feel the wind draft on my feathers as each flock passed. Such a waste: No epic dragon fight. In the end, my respect for the Royal Guard stayed at zero. But my pity for them flew as high as they did.

“Sooo…” Trixie shyly kicked the platform. “See you next time, um, Princess?”

“Please. Call us Luna.”

“Huh?” Trixie blinked.

“We told each other’s tale and shared our deepest thoughts in a pact of pity,” Luna chuckled. “That makes us friends now, are we not?”

Trixie was speechless. After finding her voice, she bowed. “T-thank you! I am honored!”

“Rise, friend. This is farewell for now. And who knows,” Luna winked. “Perhaps thou shall entertain us properly next time.” She turned away, steel in her eyes. “Until then, we must speak with our sister.”

And so, Princess Luna flew off with new determination—determination to give Celestia a piece of her mind. She soon became another dot in the sky, merging with the Royal Guard.

Then, it was just me. Trixie held a soft gaze. “Tori.”

“Trixie.” I returned a thin smile. “Nice to see that—woah, hey, hey, hey—!” A weight slammed into me, hooves locked tight around my neck. “Kek, why?!” I gurgled with wide eyes.

Trixie pulled away and chuckled haughtily at my reaction, as if she won a world-class prize. “I knew hugs has an effect on you from the pink pony, so I couldn’t let the opportunity slip.”

“Ugh, seriously?”

“What good magician of her own worth wouldn’t bedazzle her audience with one final act? Besides,” Trixie winked, “This was the first time with my own two hooves I earned a real reaction from you.”

I blinked. “That so... Satisfied, then?”

“Yep.” Trixie smirked under her hat, but then frowned. “But I gotta say, you’re unusually cold to the touch. That doesn’t seem healthy. Maybe you should see a doctor.”

“Huh. Really now…” So it wasn’t normal. I’ve been that way since I reincarnated. That was worrying. “Noted.” But for now, I left it at the back of my mind. “Not gonna wait for the girls to return, huh?”

“I’d rather not give them the satisfaction.“ Trixie flared her cape along the sunlight. “But just you wait! When I return, I shall show you all real magic!”

I rolled my dry eyes. “We’ll believe it when we see it, Hokage.”

“I don’t know.” Spike smirked over folded arms. “When she says it like that, I’m willing to believe her, even without the proof.”

Trixie giggled. “Perhaps you're not that bad after all, dragon.” Then, she looked at me. “And what about you, Tori?” She tilted her pointy cap forwards, and I froze at an impossible sight: A shy smile gracing her lips. “...do you believe I can?”

The question gave me pause. Our manes fluttered along as a phantasmal breeze blew past. I could practically taste tomorrow in the wind—a different flavor from what I knew; chilling and something new. I may never know what’ll happen far down the road, and the catalyst herself stood with an expectant stare, her cape flowing without the help of fake airs.

Tooooooooot!

The train was about to leave. With the little time we had, honesty was all I could offer.

With a smile, I opened my mouth—





A light thud interrupted my story.

I looked to find Zecora peacefully snoozing along the warmth of her hooves on the table, cheeks and muzzle buried in her fur. The her golden neck rings raised and lowered subtly to the motion of breathing. The sound came from her finished apple core leaving her hooves and dropping off the edge of the table.

Glancing outside, I saw Manny curled on the ground. I knew that to be his default sleeping position.

With no witness, a tight-lipped smile appeared.

I stood up and softly walked around to pick up and dispose the apple remains into the empty cookie box. I shuffled a few sticks into the fire pit, invigorating the flames. Then, I reached deep into my saddlebag, past the apples and towels, and I pulled out a long, fluffy blanket of cotton, shabbily knitted by yours truly. Its many holes accentuated my poor skills, but it was good enough to serve it’s purpose.

I wrapped it around her, and Zecora snuggled along the warmth, lured into a pleasant sleep. Wishing a toasty good bye, I left the hut and headed back to Ponyville.

Winter is coming, after all.
> Look Before You Sleep [Remake]
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Golden roofs shined in the stillness of noon. Birds swooped in, perching on the roofs, and among them a robin flew. It rode on the gentle breeze of passing pegasi, rustling the flowers by glistening windows; their color danced to the beaming sun. Beautiful: perfect for a delightful flight for the robin.

Shame that a storm will encumber the entire day.

Pegasi streaked the skies, pushing dark clouds like cotton to a growing, gray sea. Electricity crackled on contact, but to the ponies it's just another day in Ponyville.

The fearless robin finally landed on a grand branch from a wise tree. It tilted its head, left and right, before darting forward to steal a single twig in his beak and flying away.

Watching this through a window, I reminded myself again what today was.

With the accidental skip of last week’s rain—thanks to a certain visit by a sleepy, smoggy dragon—the ponies planned a heavy rain storm to supply the water for the town’s agricultural health before engulfed it  in snow.

Over four pony weeks—translating to 20 human days—since the start of season one and I’m already one-third of the way through. And in all that time, I’ve spent it reliving canon, musing in fanon and indulging beyond either.

It was funny. Here I was, just sitting by the window like in some anime trope. I would be pondering deeply about the nostalgia of life and its questions...but I had other concerns.

Likewise: cupcakes with a side of science.

“Tori? The counter elemental agent, please.”

“...yeah.” My hoof snaked past a wild array of tools and test tubes toward a beaker of bright red liquid. With my grip true from the faint sensation of earth pony magic, I slowly passed it to Twilight. “Here.”

A clutter of lab equipment laid on the circular table at the center of the library. Delicious cupcakes sat before us on a wide plate to the side, away from science and ready to satisfy, like a reprise of the gathering of outcasts days ago.

Twilight took the beaker from my hoof with her magic while observing a tube of green, sizzling substance through goggle-protected eyes. She liberally poured the beaker’s contents into the tube and, slowly, the solution’s color faded into a luminescent white. Pale wisps suspend in the tube, bouncing with ethereal grace as if alive. A clipboard and quil floated beside the unicorn, rapidly jotting down every detail.

“And now it’s back in its neutral state.” Twilight’s lab coat flourished with childish glee, the tube in her magic. “Pure mana: beautiful, isn’t it? It’s what makes up everything, what governs our world… Through willpower, it can be used in many ways—yet there are so many mysteries to solve. Like where it came from! Or when the world began! Great minds have relentlessly sought to find such truths for centuries.”

“Just remember to rest, okay?” I droll. “You’ve been at it single mindedly ever since the Ursa Minor incident.”

Twilight giggled. “Since when do you worry?”

“Sensei Spike tasked me to care for your well being with all the hidden arts of Babysit Twilight Jutsu he taught me. Thinks you're hopeless without him.”

“Please. I can’t be that bad.”

“Twilight,” I deadpanned, “what day of the week is it?”

“Oh.” She fidgeted. “Uh, um…”

I scratched my mane in a lazy gaze. “And that there is Twilitus Sparkus, an endangered species preyed upon by it’s own ditziness. I am honored that Professor Spike allowed me to observe such a fascinating creature.” I held my hooves together, eyes closed in prayer. “Top Kek to Spike.”

“Oh hardy har har…” Twilight glared before clearing her throat. “Now! Back to magic! What do you think?”

I raised a brow. “You’re asking a pegasus?”

“You know so much, I wonder why you aren’t a unicorn,” she said smiling. “Surely you’re curious about something.”

“Well...” I gazed thoughtfully at the clock on the wall. A lone strand of confetti hung on its side, a remnant of a party long past. Time seemed to slow as I stared. “The magic of friendship for one.”

“Oh. That’s right.” Twilight followed my gaze. “I can’t say how the magic of friendship could fall under any science. Maybe sociology’s correlation to magic but…”

“Assuming friendship is measurable in cold, scientific diagnosis.”

“Exactly. But I know something,” she whispered. Her eyes glazed, as if living in a different time entirely. “Meeting you all was the best thing to have ever happened to me. Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Fluttershy…” Each name said brightened her smile. “It’s just...magical. Unreal. I don’t know how to describe it.” She glanced my way. “You ever feel the same?”

I remembered a fandom. Obnoxious idiots—gay with color and relentless screeching in the very depths of 4chan. Of fanfiction, of music, of animations… An endless flow of content that saw no end as if capable of ruling the whole Earth. At some point, I thought it actually did. “...Maybe.”

I gazed to the side. Beside the plate of cupcakes was a book, fresh out of the dragon mail. Mood and Magic: A Study of the Magical Science of Emotion, an essay by Professor Snuggle. 

We snacked in deep thought, the lab set left alone as I chewed through my creamless cupcake and Twilight nibbled her lime-scented one. She was about to take another bite—but then stopped midway.

Ding!

As if an idea had just came over her, she retreated from her cupcake and said, “Spike won’t be home for about two or three days. So tell you what: Be my assistant as you are now and let’s learn the ways of magic and friendship together!”

I blinked. “I...uh… What’ll make it worth my time?”

“I’ll pay for your food when we eat out. Celestia knows we deserve more than just sweets everyday.” Twilight tilted her head, lavender hair swishing across a soft shimmer of her smile and eyes. “Deal?”

A thoughtful gesture—completely ruined by the green cream that painted her muzzle and cheeks. It took all my mastery of poker faces to not twitch at the disastrously adorable sight, if only so that I could keep on appreciating it.

“...Yeah,” I replied stiltedly. “It’s a deal.”

“Great! Then we can start now!”

My wings bristled. “...Now?”

“Sleepovers~!” Twilight sang as she trotted to one of the shelves and magically pulled a book out, turning to show off its cover. Sleepovers 101. “This book on the subject is just waiting to be read! It even includes a checklist!”

I cringed at the pink, flowery title that blatantly advertised its intended audience. “In exact descending order, no doubt...”

Twilight tilted her head. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s like breaking down social activity into a set of instructions for repeatable experiments,” I said airily, rubbing my neck with a wing. “You know how to describe the relationship between a pony and the world, but not between pony to pony. Rarely the same way.” 

Twilight frowned. “The scientific method hasn’t failed me yet.”

“Nothing wrong with that. You can analyze a self-help book, let it give you perspective. But books shouldn’t think for you. And besides,” I said, “don’t you remember that I already have plans tonight?”

It took a moment, but the lavender unicorn blinked in realization. “O-oh. Right. Pinkie needs your help at Sugarcube Corner.”

“Speaking of…” I glanced out the window, and through the window, Celestia's light failed to pierce the sky. Licking my teeth, I washed the sweet touch of crumbs, stood up and marched to grab my saddlebags. “It’s time.”

Twilight’s book sagged. “Already?”

“As much as I like to laze around indoors all day, a promise is a promise. Pinkie wants me early to prepare food before the weather team arrives to celebrate the storm.”

It was a good excuse to leave Twilight alone so that “Look Before You Sleep” would proceed with the girls-only sleepover. Far be it for me to stifle a significant part of Twilight’s social development, Rarity and Applejack’s especially. From one intellectual loner to another, it was the least I could to do for my library landlord.

Twilight nodded, but her eyes and ears drooped. “I wish we could do more...”

For a few moments, I stared. “Will you be alright? You’ll be alone here.”

“I-I’m not some baby like Spike said! In fact, he is!”

“...If you say so.” Bouncing the bag along my flank, I felt the familiar weight of my disguise and the book I stuffed inside. “Let’s hope your common sense doesn’t go through exponential decay.”

“It’s more of a linear function,” she grumbled. “But really, I’ll be fine.”

Already, My hoof met the doorknob, but then I paused. “...Hey, uh, Twilight?”

“Hmm?”

“Look after Applejack and Rarity. They are like...science and religion. They view the world differently. No doubt they’ll waste too much time over methodology to get themselves out of the rain.”

“That’s...rather specific.”

“Been watching them.” I pointed. Beyond the window, specks of ponies were clearing broken branches off of trees. In particular, two dots of orange and white-purple squabbled. “They’re cleaning up by Town Square.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll be sure to look after them.” With an amused smirk, Twilight winked. “I’ll pass along that you care.”

“Don’t. They’ll take it the wrong way.” When I opened the door, a gust of air greeted me. I pushed through. “Later.”

“Good luck!” Twilight waved goodbye, like a child seeing off her parent to work. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

After one last gander of her cupcake-stained face, I closed the door and marched on with renewed motivation. I wonder how long before she notice her creamy predicament?

The wind and drizzle stung my fur, the clouds threatening to burst into a hurricane. If I was still alive on Earth in the Southern states, I would’ve believed it.

Fucking hurricanes.

The treehouse grew smaller as I trudged on, but after twenty strides I came to a dead stop, blinking. “...wait. Did she just ask me ou—?”

The sky roared as if forbidding me from finishing that sentence at the risk of divine retribution. Startled, I resumed my trek toward Sugarcube Corner, and for a time, I had forgotten who the god of this world.



Revisiting Lessons: Chapter 9


Season 1. Ep 8


Look Before You Sleep






Sugarcube Corner was silent.

The lights were on, but through my shades there was not a soul or sound save for the faint pitter-patter of drizzle and the occasional rumble of thunder. The air was chilly, forsaken by lack of sunlight. The wooden floorboards knocked at my every step. But rather than disturbed, I savored it.

I entered the kitchen. Different place, same feel. Pointless to wear my disguise with no witnesses.

But maybe that’s not quite true.

Striding my way toward the other side of the kitchen, I followed the sounds of kazoos and accordions, stifled as if from a distant place. I stopped and stared at the oven...and opened the drawer right under it.

Blinking back were eyes of the ocean blues, shimmering with laughter and a smile hidden under childish hooves. The pony looked snug.

For a few instances, I stared before grabbing the muffin pan beside her, flicking her poofy tail back in, and shutting the drawer. Why Pinkie Pie decided to abuse cartoon logic just to squeeze herself in there, I didn’t care.

Soon, I compiled all the necessary ingredients onto the kitchen table. Rapid blurs of pink moved in the corner of my eye, and Pinkie was already stirring batter in a bowl as if she was there the entire time. Music blasted into full swing.

“Well if it isn’t my ‘special’ friend!” Pinkie winked as she saddled up beside me, batter miraculously not spilling. “Glad you’re early~!”

“...you’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Nopers!”

“Figures...”

I slid up a muffin pan primed with wrappers and Pinkie Pie poured the surprisingly smooth batter into each. The muffin pan entered the oven, a single batch soon to be many as we repeated the same motions for the next. My eyes were solely on my task, but Pinkie…

She yammered on. And on and on and on...

“...and it was sooo windy out there! I thought I’d wear my umbrella hat today, but I found out I would just fly off! Crazy, huh? I bet with this wind, I can fly from Sugarcube Corner all the way to Fluttershy’s—!

“How are Mr. and Mrs. Cake?”

“Oh, them? They’re checking up at the hospital. The storm is keeping them until it’s over.” She giggled. “Good thing they have beds over there!”

“That so…”

“Betcha you don’t know what for~!” But then, Pinkie’s eyes crossed. “Oh silly me! Of course you know! They’re checking if they're having a baby! A baby, Tori! Doesn’t that sound adorable~?” Pinkie squeezed her own cheeks, lips puckering in a cutesy face. “Bwaby bwaby, hashty lazshy!”

“Uhuh.”

“I hope it comes out positive! Would it be a colt or a filly? Maybe Twins? I hope there will be twins! Even better: Triplets! Or quadruplets! Or quintuplets! Or Sextupl—!”

“Twins.”

"Huh?!" Pinkie whipped a look at me with a dramatic gasp. “How do you know?! Wait! Don’t tell me! You can see into the future!?”

I shook my head in exasperation, but mirth threatened to spill. “Math and statistics. If the mother is over a certain age, healthy, and overweight, chances increase considerably.”

“Oh ho ho!” Pinkie narrowed her eyes as her snout poked my face. I inched my head away when her breathing brushed my cheek. “Think you can shake me off that easily with that kind of reasonable excuse?! I’m on to you, mister fortune teller!”

“Pinkie, the next batch?”

“Oh! Right!” Pinkie scooped more of the muffin batter into the pan I set up for her. I breathed easily, but it was short lived when the party pony made a sudden quip. “What about you? Think you’ll be having some...Tori Juniors? Eh? Eh?” she suggested with a bump on my shoulder. “The more the merrier!”

“No.”

“Oh, come on! Not even a Mrs.?”

“Never considered it." Maybe old enough to have a kid of my own before I died, but I never imagined such a future. Adulthood had too much to juggle.

“Then maybe we’ll a get glimpse of parenthood when Mr. and Mrs. Cake brings somepony new to town! It’ll be a loooong 12 months.”

Ding!

Pleasantly gasping, Pinkie opened the over with a watery smile at the piping hot muffins inside. Equipped with an oven cloth, she grabbed the muffin pan with her lips and set it on the kitchen counter. She slurped from one corner of her smile to the other. “Don’t mind if I have one!” she said and lunged to consume a muffin in one gulp.

Her teeth sank into nothing.

“...huh?”

High-browed, I pushed the tray back only to quickly pull it again to foil another attempt. “No,” I admonished. “Bad Pinkie. Bad. Only until the job is done.”

"Pleeeaaase! Just a nibble?"

"Denied."

“Hmph!” Pinkie crossed her hooves. “Meanie.”

My eyes rolled. “Grow up.”

Pinkie Pie pouted before sporting a devious grin. That was all the warning I had before being swept into a glomp, muzzle still warm from being close to the oven. “Heeheehee!”

Amazing how the mare could easily close the distance between one’s heart and her own. We’ve only known each other for a month and half by my calender—three in hers—and hugs became the primary ritual between us. Sometimes, I wonder how much was because of her own initiative versus my easy acceptance of it.

It was a mystery why Pinkie’s treatment of me was different from Zecora’s. I thought it was because I was a pony, always in close proximity, and her nature to spread joy took over. She already threw a party thrice in my honor despite my abhorrent reputation. But sometimes, it’s just too much.

“How many times do I have to tell you?” I grumbled. “I’m not the hugging type.”

“Pffft! Not like you refuse! My sister Maud is the same you know? I know how it is.” By the mention of her sister, the hug tightened. “Fuzzy wuzzy warmy McSofty ponies, the both of you!”

“Heh. Trixie would argue otherwise.”

Pinkie gasped and pulled away. “You mean you and Trixie hugged?! You cheat! I thought we had something special together!” she wailed, the dramatic woe brimming in her tear ducts.

“You mean squeezing the life out of me wasn’t special enough—Urk!”

“Better step up my game then!” Pinkie resumed the bone-crushing hug, teasing and purring. “Hugs to the morning till night, hugs for breakfast till dinner! 24/7 for your lonely self!”

“I’m a recluse, not lonely,” I wheezed under the duress. “I just so happened to like thinking. And I do it best...alone.”

“But why not get out of that noggin of yours and into an adventure? Just imagine!” Pinkie waved a hoof. “Bonding time with our friends, pranking and laughing and talking...”

“Our friends? No—Pinkie, we’re not…” I sighed. “We’re only acquaintances who happened to have somepony in common: You.” Scratching my scalp under my marine mane, I looked away. “And I’m not like you. You can close the distance between ponies at the drop of a hat. But for me? Things just...take time.”

“Hmm...” Moments later, she finally said, “Okey dokey lokey,” before releasing the embrace. “But Tori? Will you promise me something?”

When I lazily gazed back, I met a pleading stare that wavered under pastel color. “What is it?”

“Enjoy the little things. Actually live a life besides waking up, working and then sleeping.” Pinkie’s eyes twinkled in a soft whine. “Pinkie Promise? Pretty pwease?”

“I don’t think that’ll—”

“See, that’s the thing!” Pinkie shushed me with a hoof. “You think, but not have fun! Just what’s got you so edgy that you can’t enjoy the moment?” She patted my forehead. “You might get wrinkles!”

“I can’t exactly ‘have fun’ without ruining it for everyone else. You know this.”

“Duh! It’s easy! Make some friends!” Pinkie was sunshine and smiles when she proposed that to me.

But I beg to differ. “Geez,” I sighed, “expanding my friends list isn’t going to make it anymore valuable. Have you learned nothing from Gilda? Not everyone can be open-minded, let alone compromise their values.”

In fact, it was the sole point of today’s friendship lesson. It was a good lesson, about people with differences like Applejack and Rarity getting along...but they were only two ponies. They don’t speak for the rest of town.

“But you and me happened.”

I blinked.

“We’re, like, complete opposites,” she admitted. “But we get along fine! We talk, we bake together, and you…” She paused uncharacteristically. “Would anypony else be any harder?”

“You’re…you’re something else.”

“Come on. Try?” As she leaned closer, Pinkie’s icy orbs seemed to melt, glistening as they stared into mine. "Don’t you feel Ponyville is worth it in the end?”

Before I knew it, my hoof ran across my scar. It was almost unfair. After a few breaths, I sighed. “Fine. For you.” Pledging with a hoof up and the other over my heart, I decreed, “I hereby promise to exchange good times whenever appropriate.”

“Aaaand?”

“...And get along with others, new or otherwise.” And thus, I followed the sacred ritual in a deadpan manner. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” The deal was sealed.

“Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou!” Pinkie’s body clamped around my barrel, and I anticipated it well enough to let loose only a grunt. After one last, pop-inducing squeeze, she relinquished my life. “I just know you won’t regret it!”

“The hell is there to thank—?”

“I even prepared flashcards to help you out!” Pinkie pulled something out of her mane with an audible pop—a stack of index cards held together by a rubber band, and thrusted it into my chest. “Complete with opening phrases, branching responses, and many more! This way you can make friends in, well, a flash!”

“Uh...“ I yanked the rubber band out and shuffled the index cards. And stared. As I took in the contents, befuddlement set in. “Half of these are just doodles of...smiley faces.”

“That’s what you're supposed to do when you get the card: smile!”

“Why so many?!”

“All the more chances to do it, of course!” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed. “And one more thing…”

“Huh?”

“Yoink!”

The moment I felt the cool air along my hair and the light in my eyes, I darted around to lock gazes with the pink pony skirting toward the other side of the kitchen. Hanging on the hook of her mane was my fedora and shades.

“A drop of hat, just like you said~!” Pinkie bounced in place. “That’s how new friends are made!”

Slowly, I circled around. “Pinkie. Act your age and give them back. I need those.”

Pinkie Pie blew a raspberry, inching the other way. “No! You act your age! I’m reaaaally sure you’re too young to be my dad. Heeheehee!” With a flick of her head, the articles flew and landed perfectly along her mane and face. “And I don’t know...these look pretty good on me. But if you want it that bad…” A grin inched past the shadow of the hat, and she bounced out of the kitchen. “Come and get it!”

By the time I processed the doors comically swinging from her disappearance, I sucked my jaw back up and chased with all my might. “Pinkieee! We still have a job to do!”

“Boing, boing! Can’t catch me!”

I chased her down to a corner, but she bounced off the wall, sailed over me, and skipped off without a care. Instead of stopping, I braced and kicked off the wall. The boost was negligible, but any way to get even an inch on the impossible pony was welcome.

Pinkie Pie scaled over a table. Having no such luxury, I ducked under and slid onto my belly before scrambling back to my hooves.

On and on we lept and dove across the tables along the main room of the bakery. Pinke snortles and oinks and giggles trailed from corner to corner in summersaults and lapses of perception. My cries of exasperation lagged behind each time.

But as if to mock my efforts, Pinkie skidded to halt, glancing back with a grin. I caught up, breath heavy. Standing between us: a table. My frown matched her smile.

I jerked along the left. Pinkie ran opposite. I was quick to pivot and dart toward her path, but she was too fast, whizzing back around. We danced back and forth until, eventually, the only sounds in the bakery were our breaths and the heavy tapping of rain. Nothing progressed, the both of us still separated by the table. Swallowing saliva, I knew I was outmatched. No choice but to negotiatiate.

“If anyone sees me, they’ll freak out. I can’t stay bare like this.”

Pinkie stroked her chin. “Hmm… The Tori I know doesn’t care what other ponies think.”

“I still don’t. But in the last few times, businesses lost customers too afraid to come back. Rather not do the same to your home.”

“Wait. Waitwaitwait—hold it!” Pinkie slammed her hooves on the table, shades ajar. “Oh. My. Gosh! You can care! And you care about me!”

I sighed. “Gee, is that really much of a surprise? Fine. I do. Happy? Can I have them back now?”

“Nope!” she said happily. “You Pinkie Promised!”

“God dammit, Pinkie—!”

Suddenly, she spazzed: An ear flopped, an eye fluttered and a knee twitched, all in a combination that incited meaning to my mind.

“Uh oh!” Pinkie squeaked. “You know what that means…”

The ‘watch out for an opening door’ twitch!

“Shit!” 

Abandoning any hope of retrieving my concealment, I rushed behind the counter and haphazardly took out Mood and Magic from my saddlebag. With my blank flank behind a barrier and my eyes peeking over my open book, my cover was set. It was shit stealth, but my shitty disguise worked wonders before.

“Heeey! That’s cheating!” Pinkie whined, hopping to my side.

It was tempting to nab back my stuff right then and there, with her being so close, but it was too late for that. I could already hear music.

Hoof steps grew louder beyond the rain. But not wings, I realized. The entrance opened, the arrivals illuminated by bakery lights. It wasn’t the weather team.

One mare ahead two stallions. The theme a melodious flute leading a heavy bass and a humble guitar.

A sharp horn glinted over the mare’s long, peach mane, damp and straight. She ruffled her pure white coat once. Droplets flew yet she still had the ladylike grace to wipe her dainty hooves on the drying mat, as if her disheveled state was merely in fashion. “Hm. Warm and cozy… Charmed.” Her voice sounded the bakery like flutes and bells of honey.

A pegasus strutted in, his bright green mane as stylish and slick as the rain, accentuating his wispy, white coat. “Booyah! Wassup!” the boisterous stallion hollered, and his golden eyes drifted about. “I hope nopony is in the gloom under the rain here today! Or else we’d be the ones bumpin’ up the party! Ain’t that right, Thera?”

“Again, it is Doctor Sound...” the unicorn muttered, dismissal clear on her face. “Mr. Contrail, mind the volume. You’re in a public establishment.”

“Sorry, babe, but I got this charisma just burstin’ to show its stuff! Ya dig?”

“Hmph!” The mare haughtily turned away. “I do not ‘dig’. Digging is only for the savages of the earth who find joy in dirtying their hooves,” she spat before coughing politely. “No offense to you, Mr. Roadmane.”

The third pony sighed, the stallion’s coat as colorful as cobblestone. His throaty voice rumbled the air. “None taken. But Doctor, ‘dig’ was just an expression.”

“Oh.” The mare gracelessly blinked. “I-is that so…”

The earth pony’s brick-colored mane billowed under his dismissive snort. Crimson orbs were unveiled from the parted bangs as he leisurely trotted, saddlebags lining his sides.

Not of fanon or canon. Completely new... New for a certain party animal.

Pinkie Pie inhaled dramatically—to the point her mane ate my hat and shades—before zooming away in a blink.

“Huh.” The pegasus’s brow furrowed. “What’s her deal?”

The door behind me swung back and forth before matching the stillness of my face. I set my book aside, relieved. They won’t recognize me. I slapped the menu and a large towel on the counter. “Welcome to Sugarcube Corner. What will be your order?”

“Thank you.” The mare held the towel in a glow of magic, gently drying her mane as if it were a brush as she appraised the menu with peachy eyes under bored lashes.

No one spoke. In the silence of rain and rumbling skies, I understood well enough that they this company was a reserved sort.

Except maybe for the pegasus.

“So,” the pegasus began. “Mr. Bakery Dude, what about you?”

“Uh…” I pointed at myself. “Me?”

“Yeah, you. Whatcha got there?”

“...A book. And flashcards.”

“Well, duh! My brother, you’re too good for that kind of crud!” He waved a white hoof above. “You got wings! You should be out there free, flyin’!”

“The weather begs to differ.”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff!”

“Mr. Contrail,” Dr. Sound said through grit teeth, “you can’t bother the good stallion for being a good study. After all, knowledge is a respectable pursui...” For only a moment, she trailed off upon seeing the book’s cover before clearing her throat. “A-anyhow, we’d like to have strawberry milkshakes.”

“All three of you?” I asked.

“Yes.”

Odd. Don’t the other two have a say?

“Alright,” I turned and sauntered into the kitchen. “Please enjoy the show while you wait.”

“...enjoy what?”

“Hello, new ponies~!”

Just as the kitchen door swung closed, the room behind me exploded with the startled cries of Pinkie Pie appearing right behind them. A certain welcome song played, muffled in the background, my memory echoing along.

The supplies were ready on the kitchen table, and I went in motion. Strawberry ice cream was scooped, strawberry syrup was poured, and a few mixes of the strawberry variety were dumped—I turned on the blender, watching as the thick substances transformed into a smooth liquid in a loud whirl.

I emerged out of the kitchen, just in time to feel the tail end of the 25-second song’s explosive ending of airy confetti. Three glasses of milkshake laid on the counter, cold dew condensed on transparent surfaces. Some whip cream, strawberries, and straws later, it was finished. Like magic. I looked up from my work.

The new ponies’ coats and manes were ruffled, faces stoked in shock. On their heads were party hats for the occasion, the unicorn’s in slipping off from her horn. She sneezed. Out came confetti.

The pegasus made a noise, blinking rapidly from the doozy performance. “Uh…that was…something.” He gave the milkshakes an amazed look. “Fast, too!”

I laid my crossed hooves on the counter. “McDonalds: Years of practice.”

And I was the ice cream machine.

“...what?”

“Nothing. That’ll be nine bits total.”

“Thank you,” the white unicorn politely said. Even with the unicorn’s dry reaction, the other two gulped as they stared at diabetes incarnate. The mare produced the golden coins onto the counter, of which I collected. “A fine establishment under this dreary weather. Are you two perhaps the owners?”

“Nope!” Pinkie saddled up beside me, a limb around my shoulder. “We’re the employees. I’m Pinkie Pie, and this definitely-friendly-and-caring pony is Tori!” She shook me. “Say hello~!”

“Hi.”

“See?” Pinkie smiled enough for the both of us. “Friendly!”

“I…see.” Dr. Sound slightly bowed. “A pleasure to meet you both. As for us...”

By an invisible cue, the stallions flanked each of her sides, standing at attention so that their marks were in full view in practiced rehearsal. A wagon and wrench for the wordless earth pony. An emerald marking a patch of pale blue for the bold pegasus.

The unicorn stepped back and stood parallel to the counter and then posed dramatically in a way that accentuated the image on her flank: A cute syringe surrounded by dancing musical notes.

Combined, their marks almost seemed to glow from the enthusiasm in cartoony effects.

“We are the Church’s Marked Pilgrims!” the unicorn proclaimed. “Fate has it that we come down and spread our message from Canterlot to Ponyville. I’m quite sure you know all about our cause.”

I did not.

She smiled, white forehooves spread wide in welcome. “I am Sound Therapy, but call me Dr. Sound.”

“Name’s Gem Contrail!” The slick pegasus puffed his furry chest. “Jewel of the Skies!”

Then, we looked at the earth pony of the group, who simply stood silently.

Dr. Sound coughed. “Excuse him. His name is Thrush Roadmane.”

“Oh, this is so exciting!” Pinkie was quivering. She elbowed my side saying, “It’s like fate wants you to make new friends!” Standing on hind legs, she leaned over the counter and gleamed at the three. “What do you do? Do you like pie or cake? Cupcakes or muffins? What are your favorite colors? Where are you all from? Why are you here? ...why are we here? WHY DO WE EXI—?!”

A book met Pinkie’s lips and then silence. Wordlessly, she got off the counter.

Placing the book down, I gaze toward the trio. “Anything else you’d like?”

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Dr. Sound said. “I don’t suppose you know the...Flightless Blank?”

My ears twitched. “...I’m sorry?”

“We’ve heard rumors spreading in Canterlot. They speak of an undead stallion who wanders the rural village of Ponyville, with wings that never flap like a forgotten decoration, his face as blank as his bare flank—like an unfinished statue.”

The more she spoke, the less of a mystery that she’s talking about me. Canterlot? Seriously? If I were to guess, it had to do with the Ponyville citizens who originally came from the prestigious city.

“Turns out he was quite real,” she continued. And as if the sugar in her voice wasn’t enough, the unicorn leaned in with fluttering lashes, breath husky. “We just thought...to sate our curiosity. Care to clear this mare of her doubts?” 

Am I being…seduced?

The stallions behind her gagged.

Pinkie, however, gasped. “You mean him?!”  When she looked my way with a bombastic grin, I slouched. “Well, yeah! I know him! But he’s totally nice—”

“He supports genocide,” I interrupt. “Sometimes, he goes out shouting, ‘death to earth pony scum!’ while standing on two legs to show superiority.”

“U-um. He can read minds and see into future!” Pinkie continued. “He could tell how many kids a mom could ha—!”

“He frequents this place so much that he’s, like, yay wide.” I spread my hooves across their full length. “So fat that he can feed an entire village of cannibals for a whole day.”

“And he also has this really, really bad obsession with hats and shad—”

“Especially the hats. Definitely hats. The weirder the better, most preferably with a swastika.”

Gem and Thrush slowly shared a look, utterly confused.

“Uh…” Dr. Sound looked back and forth between us. “Is the part of being markless at least true?”

I paused. “Yeah.”

In a solemn nod, her eyes were casted in shadow. “So it is true… Adulthood without a mark… Unbelieveable.” She cleared her throat. “Then I suppose our visit has even greater purpose. During our stay here, no matter whoever—or whatever—he is, he will be saved and become a loving member of society. The Canterlot Church of Harmony swears it.”

Pinkie squealed. “You’re staying?! Neato! I can’t wait to get to your welcome party! You’ll love it here!”

I frowned. “...what do you mean by ‘save’?”

Before Dr. Sound could answer, lightning roared. A pair of terrified screams followed. In that instant of whiteness, the mare disappeared. The rain intensified into a symphonic drumming against the bakery, a sign that the pegasi finished their work.

Glancing about, it took no time to find Dr. Sound shivering under the a table. Her horn sparked of mana. And beside her...

“E-ehehe,” Gem chuckled. His wings were shaking as he laid under the table along with her. “To tell ya the truth, we were lost when we came down here. We didn’t know it was going to rain and...Thera here doesn’t like sudden loud noises. Ironic, huh?”

“You’re afraid of lightning, too, you oaf!”

“With pride, Doc! With pride!”

Thrush’s eyes met mine beyond his bangs. He grunted. I grunted back. It was...an enlightening exchange. Nodding, he dragged the two shivering ponies to a table on the far side of the bakery.

I glanced beside me. “So, uh, how’s that for exchanging good times?”

Pinkie Pie answered with a pout.

The bell rang as the entrance sailed open.

Wet pegasi murmured in, finally back from the latest of their weather work. A dull roar entered the atmosphere as they sat and filled the tables. Under Pinkie’s watchful eyes, the time to upholding my Pinkie Promise came earlier than comfortable. However, the wide-eyed look the new arrivals had upon seeing me didn’t help. I slouched. It was the first step of a long, long 500 miles.





It was an astounding venture.

A scholars of magic, psychology and other fields gathered to scientifically determine and quantify the link between mood and magic. It began with over 300 subjects, 100 ponies of each race, and it would one day scale to thousands upon thousands.

And so I, Professor Snuggle, shall chronologue this for those of curious minds. For the snuggles.





In the corner of my eye, at a table where the Marked Pilgrims sat, Sound Therapy leaned on her hoof with a befuddled look this way. When she gazed down toward my flank, though, her eyes widened. She nudged the others and, quickly, so did the other two.

I would’ve chuckled if it didn’t scare the skittish ponies in front of me.

Flitter and Cloudchaser nervously smiled as I passed down to them a tray of chocolate cake at their table. Flitter flinched as I produced the cutlery for them, particularly the knife. I made sure to be quick.

When I turned to leave, Pinkie Pie’s serious face was mere centimeters from mine.

Slowly, I faced the twins again, shuffling a wing to take out my flash cards. With an appropriate (and eligible) response ready, I spoke it’s contents and looked up.

Their mouths were already full.

Flitter slowly chewed with puffy cheeks, fudge on her nose and some on the tip of her pink bow. Cloudchaser was a complete mess after abandoning fork and knife to face plant onto her cake, enough chocolate interlocked with her wild mane to make Rarity scream. They’re trying evade small talk.

Pinkie’s pressuring gaze held.

I shuffled to the next card.





Everything is magical in nature and are thus made up of mana—originating from the individual’s soul or nature itself—alongside water. Mana and elemental activity generates body heat as a byproduct.

Mood changes mana. All positive emotions express warmer body temperatures in the subjects. The opposite was true: negative emotions cool their bodies, as found through ample snuggling. 

The exception, however, is rage—making elemental heat as determined by a great number of subjects having the ability to produce steam through their ears. This phenomenon was due to the interaction of excess elemental heat and the body’s water. Maintaining such a state for long periods would lead to dehydration. Such subjects were calmed via soft hugs before it endangered them.





Thunderlane boisterously laughed with his friends. I approached their table with a tray of milkshakes over my wing. To the side, Pinkie Pie mimed and stretched her lips to a goofy, exaggerated grin with both hooves. My brows furrowed, but she nodded encouragingly.

So, I broke into my best casual smile. Stiff, but good enough as I approached Thunderlane’s table.

Pinkie shook her head and stretched her smile even more.

Eyes rolling, I pulled the corner of my lips as far up my cheeks as possible.

Pinkie blinked and her expression morphed into horror.

Thunderlane’s friends noticed, gasped and pointed behind him. The charcoal pegasus turned, opening his mouth as if to say a witty quip. His mohawk wilted. What he saw was so terrifying that whatever he was going to say died in his girlish scream as he slugged me in the face.

His pride probably hurt more.

Gem Contrail stopped flirting with a few pegasi nearby to see what the commotion was all about, raising an oblivious brow.





There is nothing more puzzling and groundbreaking than the discovery of the Neutral Heart State, or NHS. By definition, it is the natural body temperature of a pony in exclusion of the effects of emotions. This mimics the known concept of pure mana assuming the properties of given elementals.

As surveyed through various instruments and bodily contact, a vast majority of subjects have warm Neutral Heart States. Further studies detected the same for ponies and other creatures all across Equestria.





Cloudkicker looked up and down at my figure in trepidation as I settled the banana split ice cream bowl before her. I avoided her gaze, laying a silver spoon wrapped in a napkin. Her muzzle scrunched, a bead of sweat dropping.

Maybe it was the frivolously pink apron Pinkie made me wore, matching perfectly with my blue color scheme. Maybe it was the ice cream slathered over my black eye as a creative substitute for ice. Or maybe it was my deadpanned expression as I wore all of the above, giving no less damns than before.

The dam broke. Cloudkicker bursted in laughter, trying but failing to hold it in with a hoof over her mouth.

I rolled my eyes. I don’t know, but it was the most positive reaction thus far after six times.





Early on, only two studied ponies had a cold Neutral Heart State. Both were chronically anxious and apathetic. In case of immoral treatment, the team was barred by royal law from using excessive or prolonged social experiments, such as frequent glomping sessions, for their value. Regardless, there was very little data to be obtained. 

For a time, the mystery of the cold NHS remained as such. However, the study evolved and popularized, garnering a vast array of subjects and volunteers.





Derpy Hooves, or perhaps I should say Muffins, looked at the mountain of muffins before her and then at me.

I shuffled uncomfortably under her gaze.

Her lazy eye drifted up the length of the muffin pile while her mystical right eye of truth judged me with deathly stillness. In agonizingly slow motion, she took a muffin. And ate it. She chewed at a snail-like pace. Not for an instant did her expression change.  Even the ice cream on my face sweat from the pressure… Oh wait. It’s just melting.

She swallowed. Five seconds. Ten. Sixty.

Then, there was a glimmer in her eyes.

I passed.

...just what the hell would’ve happened if I failed?

When I left the mistress of memes to her munchies, I passed by a certain table. Thrush was stone stiff from where he sat, but my eye didn’t fool me. I saw the drool under his lip as he stared emotionlessly at Muffin’s fine dish.





The cold NHS was common in criminals and individuals with a history of repeated cruelty or apathy. However, “common” is relative in this case, for criminals are very, very few. In the time the study was conducted, 1 out of every 4000 offenders were diagnosed as cold-hearted. The general public had a far lower ratio with 1 out of every 20,000. In a survey Equestria’s total population is roughly 800,000.

Cold-heartedness is thus extraordinarily rare.





Finally over.

I stood boredly by the counter, haggard from the constant moving. All the ponies have been served and there’s no more orders left to fill. My left eye felt sticky, though. I looked around.

Pastel colors resonated throughout the flash-esque world. Everyone was happy with their sweets, bellies filling with sugary goodness of all shapes and sizes. Lively lines, thick and thin, formed a carefree atmosphere that brought a lazy smile in every pegasus in the room.

Eventually, I retreated into the kitchen where the happy noises obscured into the background, finding a sense of peace...alone.





At first, the suspected root cause was long-term negativity. There were problems with this notion. In the millennium of peace and harmony under Celestia’s rule, the general population is exempt from harsh states of living, never enough to permanently alter a Neutral Heart State. Even those with rough, crass, unapologetic or otherwise unpleasant personalities would still have a warm NHS. Reversely, even happiest of ponies can be cold-hearted.

But an interesting theory came about: rather than emotion, the NHS is defined by a jaded perception of the world.

Most notable was when the team interacted with the cold-hearted subjects. Despite attempts for social openness, they remain elusive. A disturbing divide existed between the common pony and the cold-hearted.





My metaphorical bubble bursted when Pinkie Pie snuck behind and glomped the life out of me for a job well done. After seconds of fruitless struggle, I gave in, allowing Pinkie to snuggle up closer.

Not like I could refuse.





...that, and their odd aversion to snuggles both voluntary and involuntary. Through many trials of snuggles, this was confirmed.





The air shuddered from the crack of thunder. Lights flickered on and off.

It may or may not be my fault that Sugarcube Corner was now quiet. The weather team didn’t stay long after finishing their food. Once the last shred of ice cream was eaten, they left to brave the blistering rain in swift order, heading home. A cold meal and a cold leave… Didn’t sound healthy. The only customers left were the Marked Pilgrims.

In front of me, Mood and Magic was open. Between orders and baking, I read a few pages whenever I had the chance.

Pinkie and I rewarded ourselves with some pie. Although, right beside me, she noisily gobbled her’s like an animal, muzzle deep in the warm crust and a mess on the counter. Three guesses who she was imitating... When she was done, her tongue circled around and cleansed her face of all pie debris in one fell swoop.

Humming, Pinkie leaned toward me. “Pssst!”

“Hmm?”

“Do you know when Dashie will finally come, oh-so-great mystical fortune teller?”

“I heard she’s held up by weather watch in case the storm spills out of control.” I grimaced. “She’s gonna be pissed when she finds out no one stuck around.”

"Oh... Say, are you going to eat that?"

I looked at my own pie. I barely touched it. "Later."

"Uh uh." Pinkie shook her head. "You're eating it now, and I'm going to see you enjoy it with my own two eyes!"

"...that's...not creepy at all," I said slowly. At this rate, Pinkie will force me to eat my own pie.

But then I was saved by the bell, the bakery welcoming in the storm outside through a creaking entrance. 

The sweet ring had Pinkie gasping, looking toward the door. “Dashie?!”

I squinted. No. It's not her.

Light and deliberate steps—too soft to be a daredevil’s—crossed the distance toward the counter. Shivering with dripping hooves, her mane drenched over her eyes, the little thing kept on trotting. The meek innocence of her gaze barely peeked through...and yet, somehow, had no intention to complain.

Pinkie’s jaw dropped. “Fluttershy?”

I respectfully laid down my book to rummage under the counter for a towel.

When Fluttershy spoke, it was all a whisper. “O-oh, um, I'm sorry. Are you all closed? Should I leave?"

"Nonono! Come on in," Pinkie cheerfully said before flashing a look of concern. “But what are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be inside and away from the rain?”

I stood up, a thick, folded towel now in my hooves. The delicate mare hesitantly accepted my offer and muttered a thanks, wrapping the towel around herself to dry. I said nothing and backed off. Silence for silence. That was the way between us.

“H-have you seen a, um, robin around? Loves to collect sticks, wanders around Ponyville and-and…” Fluttershy gulped. “He hasn’t returned to the cottage. I’m worried.”

I blinked. A robin? As a matter of fact, I did. It was when I watched out the window while doing science with Twilight. A robin was picking out a twig, as I recall. If the world's narrative functioned as how I understood it, he's likely our bird. 

"Awww! Little birdie got lost? Let me think..." Pinkie posed with a hoof under her chin—and she thought and thought and thought... "Nope. Got nothing.” A sheepish shrug. “Sorry, Fluttershy.”

"O-oh..." Eyes downcasted in disappoint, her voice wavered. She began to turn to leave. "Then I can't stay for long..."

"W-wait!" Pinkie’s brow creased in concern. “Are you really going to search out in the rain?”

“If I have to.”

“Whaaaa? But that’s crazy!” Pinkie protested. “You could get really, really sick!”

“But what if, um, Mr. Robin is in trouble?” Fluttershy’s eyes watered. “What if he’s scared? Or hungry? Or-or…”

Just watching was a pain... “He’s a creature of nature,” I said suddenly. “He can take care of himself.”

“But can he really?” Fluttershy found the energy to look at me straight for only a moment before shying away, her lips pursing. “I can’t risk it.”

"Not every little critter is weak and helpless."

"Then neither am I."

I blinked. At the soft determination that challenged me, at the way she stood straight and carried herself… I stared evenly at her, and she held. Or rather, it’s her who stared evenly at me. I understood completely how far she’ll go for a single lost little bird. Hell, from a phoenix to a draconequus—it’s simply in her character. And besides... 

“...You’re not letting this go, are you?”

She said nothing.

This girl… And so, I sighed. “...to the east. Probably by the park.”

Pinkie looked at me, surprised.

“O-oh!” Fluttershy brightened, sweet as a peach as though her sorry state mattered little. “Really!?”

"If Mr. Robin collects sticks, there's some still left over there,” I continued. “Plenty of cover for him to work with, too.

Fluttershy smiled at me, but it didn’t feel deserved. “Thank you.” And in equine grace, she began walking out the door. 

I resisted a grimace. It felt undeserved. "Just go home if you don't find him," I muttered. It's been hours since I last saw the robin. He could be gone for all I knew—and I’ll be leading Fluttershy to a dead end. 

Pinkie waved, smiling with a cheer, "Good luck!" 

At first, Fluttershy hesitated in front of the exit as the sky grumbled, but after a deep breath, the little pony braved the open storm...and then she was gone. A used towel laid abandoned to the side like the flag that started the race.

Pinkie nudged me by the leg with a wink and a smile. "Using your psychic powers for good, eh?"

I felt even worse.

A trio of hoof steps closed in on us. The Marked Pilgrims approached with serious faces. Gem Contrail’s the grimmest of all. He slammed his hooves onto the counter.

“Who. Was. She.”

“I…” I blinked. “What?”

“That mare!” Gem pointed out the door. “T-that...angel! Oh golly!” He pressed his hooves over his heart, because wherever it went, it multiplied and sparkled in his eyes as he stared out the door. “Fluttershy, right? This must be the doing of fate...I…” A dumb grin crossed his face. “I think I’m in love.”

Dr. Sound shook her head in exasperation. “Don’t you say that to every mare you flirt with?”

“This is different!”

Thrush hoarsely grunted, piercing our conversation.

“Ah! Yes,” Dr. Sound said. “Mr. Roadmane is absolutely right. We have business to attend to.” A spark of telekinesis, and something floated out of Thrush’s saddlebag. “Here. A tip for your service.”

But placed on the counter was a silver medallion attached to a thick string.

I gazed at it and then back at her. “This isn’t money.”

“Surely you know the token of the Church of Harmony!” Sound blinked. “Right?”

“Tori.” Pinkie tugged my apron, her face oddly serious. “This...this is an invitation.”

Sweeping the medallion with a hesitant wing, I squinted at it. And then my heart went cold. A marked caricature of the sun behind a smooth impression of a tree was along the metallic surface. It was a masterful craft, complete with a hexagon of six tiny jewels...

The Tree of Harmony.

I gazed up at the Marked Pilgrims. “...what do you want?”

“Now that we know who you are, Flightless Blank, it’s really simple.” Sound smiled sweetly. “We want you to obtain your mark.”

I considered my words carefully. “...And the catch?”

“No catch!” she said happily. “The Marked Pilgrims merely wants to help.”

My brow raised.

She blinked, glancing side to side.

I narrowed my eyes and held.

After a few ticks, Sound bit her lip. “W-well… Yes. There is a catch.” She sighed. “You will be...rehabilitated in Canterlot.”

Pinkie bristled in the corner of my eye.

“Of course, that’ll be after me and the boys here are done with business and you settle your goodbyes. But it’s a small price to pay for a lifetime of purpose and prosperity.” Dr. Sound brightened and smiled down on me like an angel, welcoming me with open hooves. “Accept, and we will be happy to accommodate.”

“No.”

“Wonderful! Now we can—!” The mare froze, a hoof to her chest as if offended. “E-excuse me?”

“No,” I repeated and gave a wry smile. “Sorry, but this isn’t much of a big deal for me. Besides, I already have Lord Kek watching over—”

“How can you say that?!” Sound sputtered, slamming her hooves on the counter. I winced when there was a slight crack. “We heard of the things they call you—how they treat you like some creature of fiction! Why, even in Canterlot the rumor isn’t this deranged! One of them called you a literal piece of the sky! This is unacceptable!”

“Eeeeeh…” Well I did fall from the sky... “It’s fine. I’m kinda like a meme now.“

“I don’t know…” Pinkie stroked her chin, eyeing me with an appraising look. “I thought the things about you were pretty realistic.”

“...ignore her.”

Gem frowned. “Not to be blunt, pal. But your life from what we saw is treating you like garbage.”

“Frankly,“ I drolled in dismissal, “I don’t give a damn.”

“Don’t you want a cutie mark?” Sound said, dumbfounded. “Don’t you care?” She searched my expression for any inkling of change. She looked and looked and looked... but when I held firm she backed off...and nodded, eyes closed in understanding. “...I see. I’m sorry to hear that.” When they opened, however, they glinted. “Because you don’t have a choice.”

The medallion felt cold under my wing.

“Duuude, what a downer,” Gem drawled, shaking his head. “Can’t take the gift from the horse’s mouth…”

Thrush only grumbled, stepping menacingly close. If it weren’t for the counter, it would’ve been much closer.

Pinkie squeaked, huddling up to my side. “U-uh, this isn’t funny, you guys...”

“No, it isn’t,” Dr. Sound tersely said. “Fate isn’t kind to those who stray from their paths, not when lives are in the balance. The Church’s prophecies have been proven true and just for the last thousand years, but it can easily be undone by forces out of fate’s control. Harmony must be maintained, and so we, the Marked Pilgrims will protect it.” The light in her eyes glinted as her horn glowed. “So I implore you once more, come with us. Or else.”

There we stood, in a bakery under a rainy siege, about to implode by a storm brewing from inside. The Marked Pilgrims held an intimidating formation. Pinkie ears drooped, her hind legs shaking, ready to flee. And I...simply stared.

I broke the silence. “Or else what?”

Gem’s chest met the counter, wings wide open. “Or else we’ll be serving you misery and pain! We’ll pour it in and, like, make you drink it! Like—like a smoothie!” He scrunched in intense emotion, hooves closing as if crushing something into bits. “We’ll smash you into pieces until you become sprinkles to a desert! Until your mane and tail are inside out! Until you walk backwards...forever!”

Pinkie Pie gasped, horrified with ears splayed back.

Even Thrush and Dr. Sound gave him a look.

“Why? Because love is waiting for me!” Gem proclaimed. “And I’m not gonna let anypony get in the way of my destiny!”

...

It’s decided. These three have no idea what they’re doing.

“...okay,” I began, “how about we just calm down and—”

Bang! Bang!

Confetti and air sprang as Pinkie’s party cannon sang twice into their faces. The first on Gem Contrail, who flew by sheer force and tumbled against the tables, and the second on Thrush Roadmane, who sputtered and fell to his flank, bangs blasted back to reveal the shock in his face. And for good measure, Pinkie took my pie and slammed it into Sound Therapy’s muzzle! 

Pinkie yelled over the unicorn’s muffled scream, “Run, Tori! Run!”

“Pinkie?! What are you—?!”

She pressed her head against my chest, pushing me along. “Go, go, go! Through the back door!”





“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!”

The splash of rain hit us like a wall. In an instant, my bangs draped over my eyes. I sputtered, slipping into a puddle I failed to see. Pinkie caught and pulled me upright and we pushed our way through the drudges of the night, risking a direction or two without the moon to light our way. I was half blind from my accursed shaggy mane, so Pinkie took lead. 

Her intuition led us to the alleys, and so we stopped, huffing and puffing while leaning against a wall.

“Did—” I gasped for another breath. “—did it had to be the pie?”

“Sorry! But it was for a good cause!”

“Yeah but it’s—it’s cream pie!”

“Oooh... I didn’t know cream pie is your favorite.”

“No—I just... Ugh. Fine. Let’s go with that.” Once I steadied my breath, though, I looked at her and frowned. “But Pinkie, I had that handled.”

“Nope! No, no, no!” Pinkie wildly shook her head. “That pony really meant what he said, and I’m not waiting to see you become a cupcake!” 

“But—”

“No buts! They’re going to hurt you! They’re going to steal you away from...from...” Pinkie hissed and walked at me, her hoof jabbing my snout. I backed away, but she pursued in a rare moment of aggression. “A-and you Pinkie Promised! Promised that we’ll have good times together! If they catch you, I’ll never forgive you!” And then my eyes widened, for she suddenly hugged me tight, whimpering under the rain. Cold. So very cold. Pinkie sniffled. “...okay?”

And in that moment, in the blistering rain and under the rumbling clouds, my heart dropped.

I pushed her away.

...and pivoted around, stole a lid from a nearby trash can, and braced myself against the improvised shield as Gem Contrail swooped down.

Clank!

My grip was too weak. I spun from the collision and fell, the lid falling with me.

“Tori!” Pinkie gasped as she struggled to her hooves, mud icing her coat and mane. 

“Go! I’ll be fine!” I shouted. Eyes wide, I rolled over just in time to avoid the stylish pegasus’s diving sweep, water flying from the resulting wind. “Get help!”

“I...I…!” Pinkie shut her eyes tight and turned away, running as fast as she could. “I’ll be back in a jiffy! I promise!”

The moment Pinkie turned the corner, my thoughts shifted. I have to take care of myself now. “I know you will,” I whispered. 

It’s another variation like any other. There’s no choice but to deal with it. 

I slapped myself against the wall, covering my blindspot in case Gem Contrail comes swooping in again. I began to run the other way, but just around the corner, a certain crimson-eyed pony stepped in. I cursed. Thrush must’ve circled around while Gem had me distracted.

Behind me, Gem landed with a splash. “End of the line, bud.”

The two closed in.

I snarled, grabbed the trashcan I took the lid from, and threw it between me and Thrush before he could get any closer. I spun around, only to fall to my belly to let Gem fly over me in blazing speed.

Gem crumpled like a paper plane upon crashing into a brick wall. He flopped to his flank with swirling, dazed eyes. “I-I’m seein’ starzz…”

Thrush flared his nostrils and charged.

Scrambling to my forehooves, I bucked the trashcan in Thrush’s way, the action making me slip. But Thrush simply hopped over the trash can and made me eat dirt in a flying tackle to my back, his forehooves locking around my mid barrel.

I choked, gurgling in the puddle of mud before animalistic fury took over me. My wing freed itself from his grip and pushed on his face, allowing me the decency to crane my neck, face him, and spit the mud into his eyes.

Thrush roared in disgust, but I didn’t let him off easy as I peeled him off by stomping a hind hoof into his chin. I was free...!

Only to be caught instantly when Gem pounced, slamming onto my back. The left side of my face sank into the muddy ground. I swung my hind legs to kick him off but Thrush, having recovered, took hold with a growl.

I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t fast enough. I desperately struggled with all I got anyways as my heartbeat intensified, dirty water leaking into my nostrils.

“O-okay!” Gem shouted. “We got him! Tranq him already!”

Pale manalight shined over us, and a dainty, white hoof stepped into my view. Shining plastic caught my eye. In Sound’s telekinetic grasp, a syringe with a long, sharp needle floated between her eyes. She shakily raised the tranquilizer and stuttered, “It’ll be all okay—all okay! It may h-hurt now, but it won’t in the place we’re going...”

I thrashed even harder.

“Keep him still, you two!” Dr. Sound shrilled. “I might hurt him!”

“Oh for the love—” Gem bit his lips. “Are you seriously worrying about that now?! We are already in deep when we accepted the Priest’s mission!”

“I’m a doctor! Not a savage!” Sound hissed, “This isn’t just about our mission—this is about what my cutiemark taught me. So excuse me if I want to end this clean!”

Are they seriously doing this?!

“We’re all wet and muddy! Nopony is clean!”

“There’s nothing stopping me from trying!”

“Listen, doc, we’re lucky that this guy is as flightless as a penguin. We got him now. Job’s gonna be done. It’s as clean as it gets—!”

A sound—a whisper. Something jiggled and rattled, and the weight of Gem over me disappeared with a yell. Sound shrieked and backed away with wide eyes. I twisted along the ground just in time to see a blur slam four hooves into Thrush’s side. As soon as I was free, I yelped as pink hooves dragged me to the wayside and away from the Marked Pilgrims. I gazed up in awe.

“You know, it’s been a wild day,” a scratchy voice said. “I get called to put some clouds together, stay all hoofing night to watch over it, and just when I thought I could chill with a milkshake with today’s pay, I run into one of my friends begging for help.” A jiggling bag of bits landed beside her like the sound after the flash of lightning. “And now I see somepony cracking fun on a pony for being flightless?” Rainbow Dash whisked her colorful bangs to the side, gracing the Marked Pilgrims a full view of her smouldering, ruby-eyed glare. “Not. Cool.”

Thrush mumbled incoherently as he examined his now dirt-stained coat. He sneered in indignation.

Gem moaned, struggling to stand up. “Ooooow!” He eyes were still swirling from the impact as he nursed his muzzle. “What hit me?!”

“The best flier in town!” Rainbow Dash smirked, ferocity in her eyes. “Look me up on the dictionary under the word ‘awesome’ if you’re bird-dead brain still doesn’t understand.”

I wobbled to my hooves, leaning against the wall, gasping, “R-Rainbow?”

Hopping hooves splashed behind me. “And Pinkie~!” my pink saviour said as she hopped to her side, her back facing me. “Back in a jiffy, like I said.”

I chuckled weakly. “Never doubted you.”

“And what’s up, Tori?” Rainbow glanced over her shoulder with her signature grin. “Having fun without me?”

“Hardly.” Grunting, my hooves had enough feeling to stand without support. “I expected help, but not this neighborly.”

“Oh please. Out of the ponies I stuck out for in my life, you’re the least coolest.”

“What happened to hanging out with the cool kids?”

“Gilda happened,” she said bluntly, before facing Gem with a snarl, “and this reminded me of how she and I first met!” She pounced, hooves flying.

Gem squeaked like a toy the instant his snout snapped inwards for the second time tonight.

Thrush snarled and stepped forward, only to take it back when Pinkie Pie appeared right up to his face.

“Ooh ooh! I can do that, too!” She snapped to a steely glare. “Grrrr!”

Thrush opened his mouth but then closed it.

Dr. Sound looked at her companions, at their opponents, and then at me. Her stance lowered, nostrils flaring as she scraped the ground with a hoof, ready to engage in close quarters combat. Her horn sparkled dangerously. “En garde!”

Legs firm, I snorted and got ready.

I admit to have felt no shame when I turn tailed and ran the other way.

“Wha—hey! Wait!” The unicorn disappeared and reappeared in front of me, syringe poised. “Face me like a stallion! 

I squinted through the rain and thrusted my wing.

Sound gasped when the medallion flew her way and caught it with her magic.
Taking advantage of her distraction, I slapped my wing across her face as I ran past, smearing mud on what was once immaculate. Shrieking, she scrambled to wipe her eyes.

I turned a corner by then, weaving to and fro the alleys of Ponyville homes in random combinations, utilizing every shortcut Pinkie Pie taught me. I winced each time a sticky, muddy strand of my hair touched the edge of my eyes. There was no way I would risk tripping to shake my mane off.

I heard magic sparkling, and I hastily grabbed a corner of a building and dragged my momentum into another alley, just before Dr. Sound reappeared. I heard her magically materialize again and again, hunting for the alley I was running in.

I found myself out in the open of Town Square. But instead of finding cover or a place to hide, I ran and ran and…

I skid to a stop, leaning at the base of the tree of Golden Oak Library with a shuddered breath, my eyes closed.

Inside, it was dark. I didn’t need to see. I could hear it: the background music in sync with the scene of Rarity and Applejack waging tug of war with a blanket in my perfect memory.

My ears flickered to a familiar series of notes in Daniel Ingram’s music score, matching key by key to the mental image of Twilight interrupting their fight, complaining about their behaviour. I smiled.

Magic sparkled and hooves splashed as Sound Therapy reappeared into reality. I didn’t bother turning just yet. Out in the cold rain, our breathing barely registered among the steady roar of falling droplets. I spoke.

“Overzealous, loyal, and persistent… I was like you once, a part of a social order, stupid and irrational. Scientific studies dedicated themselves to figure out why we exist. Religion and tradition refused to even accept us… But neither could figure out why people of different lives and views fell under a banner meant for an entirely different demographic. Honestly? I belonged anyways.” I chuckled humorlessly. “When you invited me, a chance to let me experience that again, I admit… I felt happy.” 

“Then why not accept?” There was hope in Sound’s voice.

“Because deep down I already knew...it wouldn’t be as good.” Letting loose an uneasy breath, I continued. “And besides. The number two of my heart wanted me stick around. And—I loath to admit it in front of her—me too... There’s still so much I’ve yet to see in this town.”

Twenty-Five. Twenty-Four.

“...I’m sorry,” Dr. Sound said sadly. I heard tapping...she’s readying the tranq. “Then this must be done.”

Sixteen. Fifteen..

I sighed, bowing my head. “Harmony plays no favorites, huh?”

Ten. Nine..

“You won’t be lucky again like with that pegasus.” Hoofsteps squished the wet earth as Dr. Sound approached. “Lightning doesn’t strike twice.”

Three. Two.

“That’s fine.” I turned around. “Because I don’t believe in luck.”

One...

And the very world went blind—immense light. Lightning. Dr. Sound froze up and screamed in terror. But no sound. Not rain. Not even the sundering and falling of a tree when, instantly, the deafening cry of thunder followed, silencing the realm like an alicorn princess to her subjects.

In that exact instant, I darted forward with eyes awake in fury.

My shoulder slammed her chest, knocking her off her legs. The magic around the syringe flickered and disappeared. It unceremoniously splashed into the mud. My hoof followed.

Snap!

The syringe, now in two, spilled into the muddy ground.

It ended in less than five seconds.

Sound Therapy was curled in a fetal position, hyperventilating in a cartoonish fashion as mud caked her sides. She muttered incoherently, eyes the size of prinpricks. Even so, she still gathered the wits to try and struggle to a stand. It took two tries slipping in the mud before succeeding, hooves wobbly.

“N-no!” she shouted. Violently, her horn electrified. “No it’s not!”

Peach light sparkled by my blindspot. I skittered away but she tackled me to the ground. I hacked and coughed, my soiled wings twitching in pain from the blow. Our limbs wrestled, but I was in the losing end of the battle. In the rain, I swore there were tears as she glared down at me.

“Don’t you understand?!” she cried hysterically, pushing my hooves to my muzzle. “If the prophecies change, you’ll only hurt those around you in the end! Our happy ending will become nothing less than a dream! Y-you—!”

Something rustled in the branches above and came plummeting down. Down and down it went...until it landed on Sound’s head.

Sound went cross-eyed, her tongue sticking out mid sentence before tumbling aside with a blunt splash.

The log that Applejack dropped from the upper window rolled, splished and then stopped. Beyond the leaves and branches of the tree that obscured Applejack’s vision, the farmer retreated back into Twilight's room, oblivious to what happened below.

“H-how…?” Sound croaked as stars circled around her head, eyes swirling. “I-it’s as if f-fate...o-on...y-your side…!”

I stood up, wiping my muzzle with a feather. “Look before you sleep. Maybe then you could tell your reality is already a dream.”

Sound only had enough energy to squeak in reply before going limp, lulled into a deep sleep. I stared for minutes on end, at the frazzled locks in her peach mane and at the haggard rise and fall of her chest.

The lights in the library turned on. I peered through the window and watched as three giggling mares restarted their colorful slumber party to enjoy a slice of life that I chose not to partake in. The episode finally reached its resolution, like a second trial to confirm the first. A Saturday rerun.

Grimacing, I turned away.

My ears flickered to splashing hooves rushing toward me before stopping. Thrush breathed heavily, a his usual composure compromised as he eyed Sound’s fallen form. I could hear him in the verge of hyperventilating.

“Chill,” I eased. “She’s just unconscious.”

Erratic wing flaps joined us, and I looked to see Gem flying in, landing beside Thrush. His haggard face sported black and blue bruises, as if he just fought for his life. With Rainbow Dash, it was believable. Thrush, however, had not a single injury on him, having instead dazed eyes and spazzing ears.

“Thrush?” Gem whimpered. “W-we need to go, now! I-I don’t think it can keep those crazy any longer!”

“N-not like she’s crazier than the pink one!” Thrush retorted. “I can’t feel my ears!”

“At least you can still feel your face!”

“Hey,” I called. The two winced, remembering I was still here. “Stick around here any longer and she might get sick.” I nodded at Sound. My eyes hardened into fierce slits. “Unless you consider me more important than your own ethics?”

Thrush looked between me and the helpless mare. His crimson gaze steeled.

“She’s one of us, so duh!” Gem skittishly glanced over his shoulder. “Now, come on!”

Thrush grunted, eyeing me as he trotted forward. He shuffled the sleeping therapist onto his back. And with her in tow, they all sprinted off. When they faded into the blistering rain, so did their hoofsteps. Gone.

Like a puppet whose strings were cut, I collapsed to my hooves, sighing. But as much as I wanted to sulk in the rain, I needed to if Rainbow and Pinkie were okay. So, I slouched off to find them, my hooves splashing carelessly and staining my coat. The heavy rain baptized me as I trudged through town, lulled into a dispassionate stare toward the gray sky. This time, I remembered.

I am sorry, Faust. It’s not you this time.





The bell sang in a warm welcome as we entered soaked, muddy, and cold.

Rainbow Dash soared inside with wings flared, landing grandly as she outsped the wetness itself. An actual rainbow condensed over her glistening frame. It would've been impressive if it weren't for the stink lines from the bits of trash stuck to her mane.

“Sup everypony! You’re awesome team captain is… here...” She trailed off, for there was no one to bear witness, the bakery as empty as we left it. Rainbow’s ears flopped. “Jeez... can’t even stick around to wait?”

“...sorry,” I muttered.

Rainbow sighed. “Yeah, yeah… I still can’t believe those pony nappers got away. Stupid trash can… Stupid rain...”

Pinkie trotted in—not bounce—beside her and grumpily huffed. She also had the stink lines treatment, pink mane tinged with gunky greens and browns. “And who’d throw trash at other ponies? I mean, garbage is already stuff nopony wants, and those icky-meanie ponies just threw it u—“

“Look, Pinkie, can we not? It’s…” Rainbow sighed once again. “It’s been a long day…”

“...Okie dokie loki.” But then, slowly, Pinkie looked at the pegasus with a soft smile. “Sooo… To the baths?”

“Hehe…” Despite everything, Rainbow smirked. “Now we’re talking.”

It’s strange, really. They just arrived from the rain outside and only a few moments indoors was all it took to turn it all to sunshine again…

But as for me...I was drawn to the table the Marked Pilgrims last sat. There, abandoned, were the milkshakes consumed down to the bottom of their glass. All except one: not a single sign of it being touched since I made it.

“Can’t enjoy the little things in life either, huh, doc?”

I found myself by the counter. Mood and Magic still laid open. I reached for the cover to close it but stopped. A few lines near the end of the page stole my attention, lasting until I finished the entire passage.

I gazed around. Without my shades, warm colors pinched my eyes. Tables linger with the fresh scent of sugar in every corner, and in the middle of it all, the joyful glow of Pinkie Pie’s excitement lit up the room as she jabbered animatedly with Rainbow Dash, the two seemingly so close...yet so distant. 

Pinkie blinked, noticing my gaze. Blue eyes smiled at me.

“Hey, Tori! Wanna join us for a slumber party? I don’t think any of us would want go back out there again.”

“Huh?” I made a face. “Seriously?”

“Don’t worry, dude,” Rainbow said, relaxing in mid-air. “We won’t be doing anything girly. C’mon. I ain’t snoozin’ after coming all this way to celebrate a job well done!”

I looked between the two, bewildered. And then, lethargically defeated, I choked a laugh. “I never had a choice, did I?”

“Um, Tori?” Pinkie tilted her head in deep concern. “Are you okay? Did something happen to you out there?”

“Eh.” I shrugged. “Nothing much. Just the same old story: Somebody’s fanfiction got edgy.”





Ponies are capable of reading the temperature, and thus mood, of the other pony through physical contact. It is a part of common culture. One will be perceived as ‘warmer’ and the other as ‘cooler’ along the temperature scale.

Fascinatingly, the same applies to cold-hearted pairs, which implies even Neutral Heart States go along a temperature scale.

For example, if a pony reads a cold-hearted pony as another as “cold”, that pony is also cold-hearted, except to a higher degree.
> Bridle Gossip
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

His name was Sam Cogley.

Sam’s family boasted an Irish origin that dated back over 200 years, but not to say their immediate history was insignificant. Not a day went by without Sam and his older brother at each other’s throats. The dad’s a lawyer in occupation and in household, mediating between the two in any way he could. But the mom was the most feared person in the household, cooking and cleaning like a gun nut to a rifle. From the way Sam described them, my brony friend loved them all to bits.

Sam was a scrawny, pale kid. He found Friendship is Magic by chance on the Hub among his favorites cartoons. Thanks to his parents, he practically lived off of TV. His family didn’t care, not when he occasionally talked about ponies at dinner, nor when he asked for a sticker of Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark to put on his phone case. Dash was his favorite, after all.

In Arkway Middle School, us bronies discussed our passion at lunch every single day without fail. He’s prey to my cringey 12-year old meme fuckery but...

“Friday, Friday, Friday! Motherfucker, it’s Friday!” I sang, setting my tray on the lunch table as I slid into my seat as if all the damns in the world just died. “Woooo! And it feels fucking good maaaan!”

Sam nodded and smiled, chewing a sandwich.

...the boy would just shrug it off. Every. Single. Time.

A terrible influence I was, Sam tolerated rather than react to my degeneracy. I had hoped for the “love” part of “love and tolerate” but his lackluster reactions discouraged me from further self-embarrassment...

But I knew another way to stir him up. From my tray, I slapped a dozen plastic baggies onto the table. “So, um...here. It’s shit, but I got you these, uh, cookies.”

“Stop giving me raisins!” Sam protested with his mouth full, “It’s funny the first few times, but it’s a waste of—”

“It’s chocolate.”

“Oh! Gimme!”

The plastic baggies ripped off, he carved large bites into the soft texture of chocolate chip goodness, chewing noisily as cocoa stuck to his teeth. He washed it down with orange juice—homemade, I noticed. Feeling thirsty myself, I sipped my milk.

“By the way... I've heard…things about you.” Sam hesitated, glancing about for anyone who’d overhear, which was silly. In the noisy cafeteria, it took confidence in one’s ears to overhear anything even a table away. “My classmates went crazy when they found out we’re friends. They think your name is, uh, cursed or something. Seriously, they call you the ‘Algebra Devil!’ What’s up with that?”

“Hrk!” I almost choked on my milk. “Shit, seriously? They still say that?”

“Uh, so what happened?”

“Okay, okay.. ” I set down my milk carton to tell my story. “It was weird. During math class a while back, our math teacher had us make equations for everyone else to solve. Thing is, I made the most problems for everyone!” I boasted proudly. “The teacher never said the answer had to be different every time so, uh, I made my problems by moving all the letters and numbers from a super hard one I made. When class got to it, everyone went crazy!” I frowned. “I got detention. Everyone called me the Algebraic Devil ever since.”

“W-wait. You have no idea either?” Sam thumbed his chin, smearing chocolate without noticing. “What was the final answer?”

“666. ‘Cause you know? Like the Mane 6?”

Sam opened his mouth but then closed it. Moments later, his mouth twitched into a smile before he scarfed down another cookie. I gave an odd look before shrugging. It was trivial to my 12-year-old mind anyways.

We ate in silence. Our food couldn’t eat themselves, after all. I knew his mom packed his lunch everyday down to the slices of sandwiches, the bag of grapes and a container of spaghetti beside a bottle of homemade orange juice. A healthy lunch for a growing kid like Sam.

All I had was school food.

We were worlds apart, but I ate with just as much gusto.

Cheers and laughter erupted from the other side of the cafeteria. Sam glanced around in curiosity, but I found my apple more interesting as I played with it. I once sat at that table. What went on over there was old news to me.

“Seems Ron is having fun…” Sam said, hastily gulping his next cookie. “Say, do you...do you miss them?”

“Huh?” I glanced up from my apple. “Wha?”

“Ron and his friends.”

“Eh. Ron is funny is all.”

“But do you miss him? I mean…” He bit his lip, no doubt tasting chocolate. “Mom said that friends should make up. You two were friends. Back then, he said that you don’t actually believe in friendship. But you totally do, so...”

“Wha? The fuck are you talking about? I just like ponies.”

Sam wilted. “T-then, you really don’t…?”

“I mean, friendship sucks and shit without the, uh, ponies to make it worth it.”

“Oh.” Sam blinked. “Oh! I-I think so, too! See, I like Rainbow Dash!” He waved his smartphone. “Whenever I’m in trouble, I always ask myself, ‘what would she do?’ She’s brave, kicks butt, means what she says and loyal and-and, uh...kinda like you—” He stopped. “B-but I can totally see you as a Fluttershy!”

I blew a raspberry. “I’m totally a year older than you.”

Sam laughed. “Oh, I know that one! ‘Griffin the Brush Off’ right?” He brightened as a thought just occurred to him. “Oh yeah! Do you know who your favorite pony is now?”

The question gave me pause. “Mmm… Nah. Not yet.” I shrugged uncaringly, admiring the shine of my apple. But when I took a scrumptious bite, I failed to see the frown along his face. “Maybe next time, Sam—”

“I’m not stupid.”

“Huh?”

At first, Sam was silent, his eyes lingering back to Ron’s table before he shook his head. The pleading face he then gave… I remembered it from when we first met. He sighed. “You know, this is kinda embarrassing... I don’t know your name. They always say you’re ‘Ron’s friend’ or the ‘Algebraic Devil’, but what else? It’s like you’re there but...not at all. Even Ron looks fine without you around...”

I said nothing.

As if unnerved, Sam made to eat the last cookie but bit his lip first, a defense against temptation.

The bell rang and lunchtime ended. A crescendo of screeching chairs and vitalized conversation swept the cafeteria. Routine should’ve spurred us both to join the crowd to move on to the next period, but something like shackles kept us seated.

Sam laid the last cookie on its plastic baggie and passed it my way, almost like a peace offering. “At least tell me your name before you go.”

Wordlessly, I stared at the cookie in my hands.


Revisiting Lessons - Chapter 10


Season 1: Episode 9


Bridle Gossip






...or rather, my hooves.

Exhaling, I returned the cookie to its siblings, closed the box of oatmeal cookies, and laid it on the floor beside a pile of bulging plastic bags. I looked around.

From one end of the barber shop to the other, mirrors line the wall with a swiveling chair and desk table for each, functional yet pleasing the eyes with navy blues.

I needed something to busy myself in while I wait for my service. I resisted the urge to spin on my swivel chair and stared into the mirror instead. After a minute or two, no luck of being hypnotized into existentialism. Just my default, cartoony expression: blank and straight, boredom with dull, silvery eyes, a severe contrast to the cheerful charm of My Little Pony.

To the side, somebody left a trio of unfinished water bottles haphazardly on one of the desks, two-thirds of the way consumed. They looked beaten up. Only one stood upright.

Another customer besides myself sat in her chair, but above crossed hindlegs was a newspaper that encompassed and hid her figure save for a fancy sunhat that peaked out the top.

I looked down on my lap. The newspaper noisily wrinkled as I held it to my hooves. On its front cover read, Revised Edition of the Church of Harmony’s Bible Released! Legitimacy of Their Prophecies Under Threat!

...so they weren’t fooling.

“You know, would it hurt to greet to a friend?”

The other customer’s melodious voice pierced the silence as paper flapped, revealing purple sunglasses that scanned along the same page as I.

My indifference was unfallible. “I don’t believe we were ever that close, Miss Rarity.”

“Mmm. True,” Rarity admitted easily. The beguiling smile under the shade of her hat was enough to charm the hearts out of any gullible stallion in this world. “But that doesn’t mean it’s too late to start. It shant always be hats and business between you and I.”

“Assuming I’m actually willing,” I grumbled and gave a sideways look. “...just what is it? You’re not usually this confident. Not unless you got an edge on me.”

Not to mention why she was here. Rarity knew her own mane like an expert. In canon, she obsessed with it down to the very brush, perfume and shampoo. Why would she go to the barber for anything?

“Why, whatever do you mean?” she angled her face so that innocently fluttering lashes peeked behind the sunglasses, “I was just wondering how your little ‘date’ with Twilight went.”

For a moment, I said nothing. But when I eventually spoke, my tone was as dry as the grave. “...so it was you who imparted our resident librarian social correctness.”

Rarity chuckled nervously, but she remained unabashed. “A long overdue correction. She’s been rooming with a stallion for the past season, after all. Scandalous, I must say!” She quickly added, “Not to say you are of bad character, of course. I simply care for her safety.”

The frazzled twitch of her tail told a different story.

“...your words. Not mine.”

“But I digress,” Rarity flashed a smile, “how goes your little outing?”

I sighed, all too knowing of her intentions, yet I played along. “Work on your education. You didn’t teach subtlety. Twilight kept on insisting it WASN’T a date so much that she had more trouble convincing the witnesses. ” A picture on a page of my newspaper attracted me. Twilight was the main focus, mauling her food while I, in disguise, watched on. She won the restaurant's food challenge. But in the background, a certain marshmallow pony hid behind a menu.  “...You aren’t prodding for any secrets, are you?”

“Moi? Oh no, of course not!” Rarity denied in mock horror before leaning forward in apt interest. “But please, do go on.”

“...I think I’ll save Twilight and I the embarrassment.”

“So be it.” Rarity hummed, fiddling the ribbon of her sun hat. “Twilight was so kind to pass on a few interesting tidbits about you. I was quite...enraptured. From avoiding sweets to sleeping in the shelves and knitting your own cloth…” She hid a smile behind her newspaper, but her mirthful tone did not lie. “Why, I have never seen a blanket with so many holes in it!”

I repressed a wince. “She showed my work, huh?”

“But that’s not all,” Rarity began. “I doubted Twilight at first, but she was quite adamant and even Applejack had a thing to say. Apparently, you had a hoof in helping them in some way.”

“I…” I looked away. “Did they now...”

“Oh?” Rarity’s grin could ignite a war with its smugness. “Getting a little shy now are we?”

“That’s a Fluttershy thing. And I’m not Fluttershy.”

“Hmm. Be as it may, it’s decided from what I’ve seen.”

I stiffened. “Decide what?”

“That you may be more than just a customer to me, of course!” Rarity said giggling. “It’s almost funny. I know only rumors, mythical impossibilities yet believable explanations to a mystery like you. Tempting to make my own guesses. But in the end, you are just a normal pony beyond the rumor.”

Normal, huh? I once considered it an insult to be labeled anything like a ‘normie’ in my past life spent in the image boards of 4chan. But coming from Rarity, it was the closest to a compliment I’ve ever gotten from her. It felt strange. Refreshing.

“...but aren’t we all?” I idly replied. “We go day by day, doing normal things all the time.”

“Well…I suppose.” Rarity paused, frowning before a radiant grin overturned it. “But everypony has something juicy in their lives. Something beautiful, magnificent and perhaps even tragic, an inside story just waiting to be told! Romantic, no? I say, Life would be boring otherwise.” Rarity leaned on the arm of her chair as her inquisitive gaze shined. “So what say you? What’s your story?”

Scampering footsteps and rolling wheels cut off our conversation. A chubby colt was dragging a rolling stool by a rope that looked to be severed short. He hopped onto the stool and adjusted a barber cloak around my neck.

Snips smirked, levitating a pair of scissors. “Heya, Mister Blue! Sorry for the wait. This thing got tangled when I came looking for it.” He tapped his stool. “So, uh,” he uttered nervously, “what was it that you need again?”

“A trimming, please. To keep my mane away from my eyes.”

“Right on it!” With a hoof over the shoulder of my chair, he spun it so that I could see him work in the mirror.

“How’s school, Snips?” I asked.

“Eh, same old.” A few clips and hair fell out. “Nopony talks much about the Ursa anymore. Now they keep talking about how you almost got ponynapped!” he said grinning. “It’s the talk of the town! Is it true?”

“...generally.”

“You used your ninja skills on the ponynappers, I bet!”

“Sure, I ninjutsu’d with a falling log and a trashcan,” I replied sarcastically.

“Sweeet!” Snips turned my chair slightly to cut at an angle. “Thanks for, uh, letting me cut your mane. The boss usually deals with the customers and make me watch.” His horn glowed brighter, and the wheels of his stool turned so that he moved to the other side. “Trixie said we have to keep improving ourselves if we want to stand next to her one day!”

“By cutting manes?”

“Before she, uh, left, she told us to never be stuck in one place,” Snips explained, shearing metal right next to my ear. “So I cut a lot of stuff! Paper and string and plastic...anything that I can get my hooves on! Everypony else thinks it's silly… Of course, I don’t listen.” The snipping stopped and, as I glanced up the mirror, the colt frowned with insecure eyes. “B-but I’m not really sure if I’m getting any closer at this rate...”

“You’re cutting off your limits to expand your potential.” I flipped a page. “Sounds like progress to me.”

At the corner of my eye, Rarity’s mane bounced as she shifted in place and a thin line formed along her lips. The weight of her ponderous gaze casted over me, but I couldn’t tell what else was beyond her sunglasses. Was she getting impatient?

“Huh.” Snips blinked. “I never thought about it like that.”

“Keep snipping away, Snips. You’ll get there.”

Snips gasped. “Ooh! Ooh! You should tell me and Snails more ninja wisdom some time! I think Snails is a bit stuck.” He paused. “Or slow.”

“Noted.” From zombie to ninja, just what more will this town throw at me? Eventually, Snips was too busy with my mane to continue the short chat. I couldn’t face Rarity properly without messing him up. I bothered to resume anyways. “You were saying, Miss Rarity?”

“Hmm. Nevermind,” Rarity straightened her newspaper, back to reading with a soft smile. “I think I understand a little now.”

And with those words, our discussion came to an anticlimactic end. I shrugged. Fine by me. If she found what she wanted, then good for her. Otherwise, I wasn’t looking for trouble.

It went quiet as I let my consciousness escape into the text in my hooves. The sound of grinding scissors and shuffling paper lulled me in a monotonous state of mind, my head feeling lighter as hair strand after strand fell to the floor.

“Aaaand done!” Snips blurted in triumph. “So, how’d did I do?”

Inwardly chuckling at his enthusiasm, I left the pages to appraise my new mane cut in the mirror and—froze. “Snips…” I spoke thinly, “when I said trimming, what were you thinking?”

“Um…” Snips nervously answered, “make it shorter?”

“In your hairstyle?”

Rarity swiveled on her chair. “Now, what seems to be all the fuss?”

“Don’t look,” I hastily warned, turning away along my seat but a light blue aura pulled me back around.

“Oh, hush. I am sure you are quite dashi—!”

Rarity laid eyes on the nasty scar now bare for all to see. And screamed bloody murder.





Empty.

Ponyville was like the vacuum of space, a suffocating absence of color and sound that alienated the soul. No song to be played. No words to smile about. No person to greet in neighborly recognition. Only a lonesome street and several bulging bags of goods that hung along the bend of my wing kept me company.

In my peripheral, eyes peered through the slits of open windows and doors, from the housing all around to the now closed stores like Sugarcube Corner. The gaze of the Mane 6 was the heaviest of all.

I should be desensitized to the feeling. But what kept me from cozying into the silence was the anticipation of it breaking. I was waiting for Zecora.

And she appeared, slowly and dramatically from around the bend, her brown cloak swaying in tandem with her legs. Fearsome eyes glowed under her hood. Faint gasps echoed indoors, but to me, it’s the unassuming and harmless gaze of a friend.

At first, I hesitated to close the distant. Would the timing be too late or too early? How should I greet her? ...but most of all, should I be doing this? An image of the Tree of Harmony flashed through my mind and I winced.

I shook my head and forced myself forward, the bags rustling as I walked. The timeline may be fragile, but I could still reinforce it however I can. Whatever happens...happens.

Eventually, we were face to face.

Zecora’s hood slipped off, and the light glinted off her golden earrings and necklaces. Cyan eyes appeared dull for a second before happily brightening upon seeinh me. She stared at my bare forehead. “From old, scruffy mane to a bold new, it doesn’t quite suit you. Are you not aloof as a silent hoof?”

“My barber fucked up.” My eyes trailed down to something familiar: Tufts of cotton peaked out of the nape of her cloak. “Anyways, here.” I winged the plastic bags to her. “The usual, right? More cookies inside, too.”

“Ah! More sweet graces.” Zecora shook and the thick, cozy blanket beneath fluffed. Grabbing the bag with her teeth, it then disappeared under her cloak, hooked on the wooden stick underneath. “To shop for my groceries in a monthly basis.... Pony of blue, I thank you.”

“Do you really have to make it sound like a big deal?” I droned. “Cookies are cookies. I would give you raisins but…” Hatred toward raisin cookies apparently transcended alternate universes. “Anyways, that’s all I got. All set for the winter?”

“By your goodwill, I’m prepared for the winter chill. Much appreciated, Blue. I wish you a find day.” Zecora turned the other away, flipping her hood over her head. “Far be it for me and you to stay…”

As much as it sucked, I agreed.

We were loners of a similar type, conscious of Ponyville’s desolation. We knew we weren’t exactly in good favor with the crowd, so we stayed out of the way for their sake. Even diehard fans would wish to escape the boredom, conflict and toxicity that occupied every corner of a dying fandom. As fanatical as I was at the time, the thought of it being my turn to take leave did cross me.

Zecora paused and glanced over her flank. “One more thing, Tori. In your next visit, would you like to...trade another story?”

“I...” I hesitated.

A happy smile peeked out of Zecora’s hood. “Just remember: You are always welcome in my home whenever you have nowhere else to roam.” With a satisfied nod, she trotted off.

I bit my cheek. “W-wait!”

Zecora stopped, looking at me in surprise.

I coughed, struggling to still my nervous ears. “Would now be alright?”





When Spike came back, I already explained it to Twilight that I was going to stay over at Zecora’s for a day or two. Naturally, Twilighed asked questions. Spike was interested, too. So, I told them the absolute basics of who Zecora was, that she’s a zebra who lived in the Everfree Forest to pursue her work but not much else. Vague. Just like me to the whole of Ponyville, Zecora remained a mystery.

As for why I planned on it... It all came down to Apple Bloom, the catalyst of the events of “Bridle Gossip.” The premise of the episode hinged on her actions. Apple Bloom followed Zecora to figure out for herself who she was, and the Mane 6 gave chase, which lead to the Poison Joke “curse.” But none of that would happen if an alternative means of obtaining Zecora’s side of the story existed: Me.

To my understanding of the characters and their dialogue, the events should occur naturally with me out of the way. Once mentioned, Twilight would inform everyone of my absence, and Apple Bloom’s impatience should work things out. Instead of waiting for my return, the filly will come rushing into the Everfree Forest where the truth resided.

And it worked. I could hear Apple Bloom’s theme, fiddles plucking to the scampering of tiny hooves behind Zecora and I.

In the Everfree Forest, it’s dark and dreary as always, but the atmosphere felt lazy...sleepy. Mist cooled our coats, an ominous way of the Everfree saying that it’s hibernating for it’s own brand of winter. For a scenic route, there wasn’t much to see as Zecora and I walked deeper into the hazy forest, but when we reached a particular clearing, the main attraction glowed before us in enchanting leaves of blue. Beautiful.

The feathery feeling on my forehead told me I was doing it again.

Zecora and I admired the sight, careful to steer clear of the potent leaves.

“I remember finding you here, injured besides the manticore in the Poison Joke.” Zecora commented, lips curving to fond memories. “A shame we didn’t see what they had in store before you awoke.”

I shrugged. “Maybe being healed was the joke.”

The Poison saved my life twice, the first time to fend off the Timberwolves and the second as an ingredient to Zecora’s healing brew. Laughter truly was the best medicine…

“As refreshing to hear you snark, that’s quite depressing and dark…”

“The Everfree and I get along that way. But what do I know?”

Zecora shook her head. “Very much, my fair friend, by little means and little ends. You have a nose that always knows.” She giggled. “Fascinating, and quite telling.”

“Apple Bloom!”

By the sudden voice, Zecora and I swiftly pivoted around...only to be gifted the sight of Apple Bloom in a wide-eyed gasp. She turned around as well, but to be instead cursed with her older sister and the rest of the Mane 6 past a patch of Poison Joke. The filly was caught in the act on both sides.

“Get back here, right now!” Applejack ordered, rushing up to the little Apple.

Zecora bit her lip as she eyed the blue flora that they all stood over. “Beware! Beware, pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!”

Shuffling her younger sister onto her back, Applejack stuttering back, “Y-you take your mumbo jumbo elsewhere!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie suddenly bellowed. “You’re not fooling anypony! Of course Tori is funny! His sense of humor may be dry, but that’s a part of who he is. Unless you’re talking about something else… In that case, he doesn’t smell like leaves! He smells blue! Definitely tastes blue, too!”

Everybody just...looked at her.

“Be...ware?” Zecora gave me an asking stare.

The Mane 6 gasped when the mist thickened, enveloping the entire clearing with a whiteness that obscured both sight and sound as if the sleepy Everfree grumbled indignantly and dug deeper into its foggy covers to block out the noise.

“Wait, no! Tori!” Pinkie yelled with waving hooves. “Don’t go! She’ll cook you up into pony steeeeew—!”

In one final heave, the Everfree’s fog enclosed the space between us like a closing curtain, cutting their voices—of concern, outrage or inane accusations I couldn’t tell the difference of—from beyond the fog. And then nothing.

Moisture flowed from my breath and condensed along my furry. With nothing to keep us any longer, the eye candy blocked by the fog, we silently turned our backs to the wall of mist and continued our trek toward Zecora’s home.

“...you’re friend is quite something,” Zecora muttered. “But smelling blue...is that truly a thing?”

I refused to dignify that with a response.





It was a soft morning the next day.

For Ponyville, winter had already arrived with sunny smiles. According to the Weather Team’s scheduling, only two days before snowfall hits the whole town. Things remained the same for the pony citizen in their everyday lives, enjoying the last of the warm days before three pony months of icy holidays and hibernation.

But for the Everfree Forest, past the treeline that separated light and dark, it was asleep. The trees drifted from a dull, ominous echo of wind… Howling to the ignorant, snoring to the knowledgeable. Mist creeped along the cold ground, only to be disturbed by movement and music of grand proportions.

Something lively entered the Everfree Forest, bringing with it a theme of wondrous adventure on yellow hooves and the flapping of a deep pink bow—

“Stop right there!”

Startled, Apple Bloom dug her hooves against the dirt. The tufts of her mane parted, and little Applejack emerged out.

“Turn around right now, missy!” Applejack squeaked.

Poison Joke had an ironic sense of humor (or perhaps it's the writers?), turning the “big” sister so comically small in size that Apple Bloom, previously oppressed by sisterhood, smirked.

“No!”

Applejack was shocked. “No?! You can’t ignore an order from your big sister!”

“Actually, she can.”

The two sisters snapped their gazes toward my voice. I slipped out from behind the trees from where I lurked and watched in amusement, slowed by the bulging weight ofa saddlebag. Spectacularly enough, they responded with scared sputters.

“Eeeeeep!” Apple Bloom jumped, causing Applejack to almost fall off and scrambling away from my approach. A tree halted her escape. “D-don’t eat me! Ah know ya like my sister so ya ain't gettin’ any points if ya do!”

“...”

“A-ah mean it!”

“...the lovesick zombie rumor still happening?”

The filly’s eyes flickered side to side. “U-uh…”

“Nevermind. Stand up. Not unless you want to be more earth than you already are.”

“O-oh, uh…” She gulped, getting back to her hooves. “O...kay?”

Applejack barely hung onto the tuft of Apple Bloom's mane. In a few seconds, she safely nestled into her sister’s red mane. “Phew! Ah can’t believe Ah’m sayin’ this, but good that you’re here, Tutorial!” The farmer nodded gratefully. “Now drag this silly filly out of here so that Ah can give a stern talkin’—!”

I brushed past the two, shrugging the saddlebag steady. “You’re going to Zecora’s too, right?” My voice distantly echoed in the forestry as I trudged without stopping. “Come on. I know the way.”

Applejack’s eyes bulged. “WHAT?!”

“W-wait!” Apple Bloom scrambled to catch up and looked up at me as she trailed by my side. “So...you’re not going to kick me out?”

“You’ll just come straight back in,” I droned. “You are Applejack’s sister. Both of you are stubborn. Better to keep you safe if your destination is inevitable.”

“Ahm right here y’know!” Applejack angrily squeaked, waving her hooves. “And just to make this clear, Ah ain’t goin’ to agree to this! There ain’t no way, no how, you are goin’ to lead my little sister to a stranger!” No response. “Hey! Ahm talkin’ here!”

“You’re...not what ah expected,” Apple Bloom said slowly. She gazed up and down, assessing my appearance. “Ain’t you supposed to be sleazy and scary?” When her eyes landed on my face, she flinched and looked away. “Well...definitely scary…”

She had the sense to fact check Zecora, but not me? Can’t say I wasn’t hurt.

Apple Bloom winced when she realized what she just said. “S-sorry. Out of the two of you, AJ talks about ya the most.”

“...that so?” I gave a sidelong glance toward the pony-shaped orange. “Appletini?”

Applejack gazed back in defiance. “You make very roundabout ways of helping others, Tutorial. Do you have any idea how confused Ah was when Twilight told Rarity and Ah how you watched out for us? One day you were helpful, indifferent in the next, and then thoughtful after that!” She huff, hunched against her sister’s red bow. “And knowin’ that you are just...watchin’... There ain’t a lick of sense in what you do.”

“Sense?” The word tasted bitter. “You and the rest of Ponyville sure love making sense. I’m an unnatural puzzle to you all, I know. Trot paths with Zecora? I’m her thrall. Know things that most don’t? I’m psychic. Dark circles under the eyes? Suddenly, I’m the undead with the only thing standing between me and the brains of everyone is lovesickness.” Spent from running off my mouth, I sighed. “You may be the Element of Honesty, but you’re no seeker of truth.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t pretend ya know me.”

I scoffed. “Right back at ya.”

Apple Bloom could only watch nervously, looking back and forth between us.

“Then how about you and Ah settle this?” Applejack proposed. “Just what in tarnation is the real you? And what are we to you?”

My answer? A lazy shrug of my wings. “To be blunt, the real me is a helluva lot more boring. All I do is lurk in the library. And you guys are just...fun is all. A way to stave off the monotony. What more is there to know?”

Applejack’s brow raised. The action spoke for itself.

I let loose a breath. “Having no motivations to speak of, you guys...are it. Watching was as comfortable as I could get.”

“...Motivation?”

We reached a sunlit clearing. The lazy light entered through the gap of the canopy, but shining brilliantly in all the colors of the rainbow was a familiar landmark I was personally attached to. Splitting the carcass of a jagged tree, piercing the stump and up the twin paths of branches, the zap apple tree’s offspring rippled with lightning, ripe for pickings.

I clambered up the tree, using the parts of the old tree as steps and whacked a branch, where a few squarish fruit landed on a conveniently placed blanket worn from the natural elements. Hopping back down with a thud, I swept the fruits up in my wing. No blemishes thanks to the blanket.

I juggled the zap apples onto my hooves, one to eat and the other to offer. “Here. My treat.”

Apple Bloom stared in wonder as she took it in her hooves. And Applejack, looking at the tree…the face she had was the softest I’ve ever seen of her. They gazed up at the miracle from where the zap apple grew from, at the rainbow morsel in their possession and then back as the haze of sunlight colored and warmed their coats.

I took a scrumptious bite, trotted five steps, and then realized they weren’t following. Glancing over my shoulder, I said, “Are you coming?”

Snapping back to reality, Apple Bloom quickly scampered to my side, zap apple in her teeth.

There were no more words. Only crunching and chewing as we enjoyed an electrifying slice of life under Everfree shade. Apple Bloom had small bites for herself, occasionally lifting the apple so that Applejack could have a taste. Miniscule marks dotted the apple.

Once the cores were left, I threw mine into a ditch. But when Apple Bloom did the same in childish imitation, she blinked, as did Applejack, and stared. Along with the two apple cores were dozens of others, most of them from regular red apples, decomposing by nature’s will. Apple Bloom lingered before Applejack tapped her forehead to keep going.

…

“So, uh, Mister Blue… How’d you get that scar?”

“I got bit.”

“W-wait, so you really are a zombie?!”

I sighed.





Zecora stared, looking past the steam of her herbal tea.

Applejack stared back, squirming under the zebra’s gaze.

An awkward silence usurped the cozy abode of Zecora’s home as a cauldron bubbled in the middle. The saddlebag hung deflated on a hook by the fireplace, the ingredients I collected emptied.

Face to face, Applejack sat on a small table and Zecora loomed over her tiny form. Apple Bloom and I sat by the window with matching expressions of indifference, cups of tea in our hooves. On either side of our respective partners, Apple Bloom sat with rapt interest and I with indifference as we spectated, a cup of tea in each of our hooves. At the center of the table, a cookie box laid open.

“So, uh…” Applejack began nervously. “Let me get this straight…there wasn’t really a curse and all this is happenin’ because a bunch of flowers took us all into a bull ride for jokes and laughs?”

“Correct, my tiny friend.” Zecora nodded with a disarming smile. “And to cross risky trails at such size, I do commend.”

“Of course!” Applejack stood tall and strong...as much as she possibly could in her current form. “It’s my baby sister’s safety on the line!”

“Not a baby,” Apple Bloom grumbled.

Zecora sipped her tea. “And how is it, being so small? To see the world ever so tall?”

“Ah barely recognized anythin’ when Ah woke up… ‘Cept for Macintosh. He’s always big.”

“Hmm. Fret not, you will be cured. My brew will do wonders, of that you are assured.” Zecora sat up and circled around the cauldron, stirring the pot after tossing in a select variety of ingredients. “In time, you will be back to proper size with soap and lime.”

“Uh…” Applejack furrowed her brows. “What?”

“She means a bubble bath,” I explained.

“Oh...thanks,” Applejack muttered, staring down a cup fit for her size. When she sipped, she blinked and blushed as the herbal tea warmed her being. An imperceptible smile, of smallness rather than subtlety, graced her lips. “Y’know Zecora, ya ain’t so bad for a stranger. Was expectin’ somepony like Tutorial.”

I coughed.

Zecora chuckled pleasantly upon mention of me. “More mysterious than even I, rarely sharing thoughts does he comply. But are we not all strangers? An untold story behind our very covers?”

“Then what’s yours?” Applejack squeaked. “What brought you to town?”

“I came from a land far, far away… At a village of sand, I did not stay. I traveled far and wide, only a stick and cloak by my side. From wet marshes to soft earth, to different kingdoms of great girth, a journey was given birth.”

“But ain't that lonely?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Nature is my home. I am never alone.” Zecora honed her gaze upon a thick, wooden staff that leaned against the far wall. She trotted up to it and then carried it back. “I wandered to expand my wisdom and craft. The moons I walked are marked in this staff.”

Numerous lines of chalk marked the staff, a manifestation of lore that never existed in canon, actualized by the countless tales told by every blemish and scratch on its aging surface. It was proof of the odyssey of Zecora.

Applejack and Apple Bloom breathed in awe as imagination seemed to flower in their eyes. It was a surprise when I first saw it, too. Very few in the Brony fandom pondered of Zecora’s background, a character of great mystery and potential.

“I found this staff and heard tales of its origin, you see. And so, I went seeking the mysterious Everfree.”

Applejack whistled. “Ya came from a long way.”

“As did Tutorial, who also travel.”

They all looked at me. I frowned at the attention. “I’m not a big fan of exposition and backstory. Not like I have much of one.”

“Untrue. I believe you do,” Zecora said with an encouraging smile. “One may not judge a book by it’s cover, Tori, but that never meant one read the full story.”

“...would any of you believe it if I tripped on a ball, died, and then went on a spiritual journey?”

“Absolutely not!” Zecora laughed. “By now, you’d already rot!”

“Of course...,” I groaned. Idly, I stared at my wings the same way I would for my own hands. The primaries twitched, like fingers. “...As far as I could remember, I was always moving.”

Zecora sat straight in surprise. Even the Apples leaned in, riveted to hear something about me that came from the horse’s mouth for once. The way they sat at attention… I never thought I would ever captivate an audience.

“My mom, dad and I… I can’t say I had the energy as they did. Traveling was in our veins—but I just don’t feel it in mine. Once we arrive at someplace, we never stick around for long. City, suburban, rural—doesn’t matter. I’m just along for the ride.”

“But you get see some amazin’ things, Ah bet!” Apple Bloom said with shimmering eyes.

“...depends on what you think is amazing, I guess,” I muttered. “You’d be surprised how commonly hated raisin cookies were. Anyways, my parents never kept still. They justified that if we have the wings—the freedom—then may as well see the world with our own two eyes. Make the best of out lives.”

Applejack blinked. “Ya don’t fly, though…”

“...let’s just say it’s my way of disagreeing.” Feeling that the cookies weren’t getting enough love, I dunked one in my teacup and ate it soggy. The tangy mix of bitter tea and oatmeal made a lasting impression on my taste buds. “Not like it stopped them from dragging me along.”

Curious, Apple Bloom tried the same but gagged and spat the instant it entered her mouth. “Blegh! How could ya eat like that?! It’s mushy and horrible!”

“Heh. If only I had the raisin cookies. Now that would be disgusting,” I commented blissfully.

“Raisins?!” Apple Bloom turned green. “Why?!”

“I like to think of it this way: Nobody eats it, nobody touches it. No matter how questionable its existence in comparison to chocolate chip, raisin cookies will stay whether we like it or not. The sweetests things don’t last...always gone inside your gullet.” Without meaning to, I smiled. “Almost like a goodbye sometimes.”

But just as swiftly, I frowned toward the window. “And if you wanted to listen so badly, get inside like normal people.”

Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity and Fluttershy froze like deer to headlights, so into their eavesdropping that their muzzles were inches across the window they were peeking through, heads tilted to perceive as much sound as possible.

“Gals!” Applejack squeaked, skittering to the end of the table. “Ya’ll are here!”

Pinkie spoke through her blue-spotted tongue sticking out of her mouth. Only muffled syllables came out.

“Wha? No, nothin’ happened.” Applejack chuckled. “Ahm alright. Come on in, girls. It’s safe.”

Pinkie wasn’t convinced, humming in suspicion with a squint of an eye.

“...and no. Ahm not brain-washed,” Applejack deadpanned.

The four afflicted ponies traded gazes utterly, baffled by their friend’s words,

But then, distant at first, a noise that imitated a falling plane answered. It grew louder and louder until it reached it’s peak to announce it’s awesome arrival.

“I’m coming iiiin!”

I sighed, already by the door. All I did was slide the lock in.

A thunderous crash startled the occupants of the hut, the impact cracking the seams of the door as splinters threatened to spill! The voice moaned from beyond the door.

“Oooouch! Hey! What’s the big idea?!”

“No flying, Rainbow Crash,” I said. “Keep your hooves to the ground.”

“Oh come on! Let us in already or else I’m kicking your flank, too!”

“Fuck no.”

In a growling feathers, engines thrummed...only for it to veer off distantly, followed by collapsing and snapping trees.

“Darn it!” Rainbow swore. “Stupid vines!”

“Getting acquainted with the forestry, I see,” I said dryly.

“Shut up!”

Hoofsteps joined her, and I heard the rest of the girls fumbling around as Rainbow’s irritated cries grew saltier. Eventually, there was a light rapping on the wooden door, soft and polite. Removing the lock, I opened the door.

Rarity cleared her throat, garnering as much dignity as her hairy self allowed. Behind her, Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie were untangling Rainbow Dash from the vines...before ultimately deciding not to. It became a struggle dragging the flailing pegasus to her hooves. “May...may we come on in?”

I turned to Zecora. She nodded with a serene expression. It seemed she wanted get this over with as well. Back to Rarity, I stepped out of the way for them to enter. “Had a bad hair day, too, Hairity?”

Past her own long-winded bangs, Rarity gave a look, only to wince when her eyes caught a glimpse of scar tissue.. “...Touche.” Zecora guided her to a seat so that her impaired vision didn’t get her hurt. Rarity hummed as she sat. “Hmmm. While I can’t say much about the decor, I must admit that the seats are quite homely...although, why the holes...?”

When Zecora grinned at me, I looked away.

“Tori!” Twilight approached, her blue-spotted horn jiggling like jello. “You’re alright!”

I blinked. “‘Alright?’” I repeated. “Was I supposed to be in danger or something?”

“Well, uh…” Twilight smiled awkwardly. “They may have said that your scar was...a part of a curse. And that if you don’t return to Zecora at a certain time, you’ll...decay...”

“...seriously?” Sounded like something out of a Disney movie.

“Oh, Twilight!” Apple Bloom laughed, knocking her hoof against the table along where she sat. “‘Course there ain’t any curses. It’s all a filly’s tale.” She stared innocently at me. “Right, Tori?”

...One of these days, they will understand the might of the words shit, cunt, fuck— 

“Urk!”

I shouldn’t have let my guard down, for I was now in the grasp of Pinkie Pie’s iron embrace. Her jabbering was a garbled mess of spittle and incoherent mumbles that splashed all over my face as she rubbed her cheek against mine. I got the gist of it, but I stiffened in disgust.

“Yes, I’m okay,” I drolled. “Now stop slobbering all over me! You’re not a dog!”

Pinkie stepped away in a sheepish giggle, well-mannered enough to keep the spit to herself. But it was already too late. I was drenched from mane to chest from unrealistic volumes of saliva. Pinkie realized what she had done and got on her haunches, her back arc’d low as stared up at me for forgiveness. She seemed so small with those puppy eyes.

Stone-faced, my eye twitched. I felt violated.

Then, I caught the shy pink of Fluttershy’s mane peaking out of the door. I cleared my throat and nodded respectfully. “Hello, Boss.”

Twice, there was a cough. It wasn’t one of politeness, neither was it with her usual cute and quiet. Instead, a strong, deep voice reverberated the hut by the sound alone, silencing us all. At first, I wasn’t worried. I already knew Poison Joke’s effect on her, but then I blinked. The music...it’s gotten quiet.

Slowly, like piano keys played in order from one side to the other, Fluttershy edged out into the open...and astonishment welled inside me. Exhausted cyan eyes sported dark circles underneath, wrinkling to stay awake, and even her mane appeared to have just woken up, strands loose in some places.

This… This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Zecora gasped at Fluttershy’s sorry state. “Oh dear! Poor pony, to know such gruel… But even Poison Joke is not so cruel.”

“Actually, she’s been like this since yesterday,” Rainbow Dash clarified. She itched under a length of vine that wrapped around her barrel. “Hasn’t gotten much sleep lately.”

“...have you at least found your bird that night, Boss?” I asked Fluttershy.

She smiled and nodded weakly.

“Worth the coughing fit?”

“No worries,” Fluttershy coughed once. Her deep, manly voice imparted more confidence than it should’ve. “It’ll pass.”

I certainly hoped so.

Eventually, we all settled into our seat. It felt crowded being bunched around the table, which was originally meant for two to three at most. Silence and a lack of space suffocated us, but the proximity to Zecora heightened the claustrophobia, some of the girls looking nervously at her.

“Okay.” Applejack, standing at the center of the table with serious eyes, got our full attention. “Let’s talk.”





“The horror! The horror!”

“The zombie apocalypse has come! The end is neigh!”

“Run for you liiiives!”

The town went ballistic as we all marched into the town. It took about only a minute and the entirety of Ponyville went quiet. Tumbleweed drifted and crossed the road we walked on. When it came to running and hiding, Ponyville only knew efficiency if the hiding spot was one’s own home.

“...I’ll be heading out to the library,” I said, parting from the formation.

Twilight tilted her head. “Not going to join us at the spa?”

“Uhhh, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash said, “I know you’re awkward and all, but seriously?”

“...what?”

“I mean, you’re asking a guy?”

Rarity coughed into her hoof. “Rainbow Dash is right. We are having a bubble bath after all.”

“Oh.” Twilight blinked. Ohhh…”

“Yeah. Oh,” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll find my guy time with Spike.”

“I wish you serene trails, friend.” Zecora sagely smiled. “Today, you gave a happy end.”

“...glad to hear it.” Even though I didn’t face her to acknowledge her words, I truly did.

And so, we left out of each other’s sight. All was completely silent without their hoofsteps to follow, just me and the distance I had to cross. I was fine with it. It let me lose myself into my thoughts instead of the faint dissonance of fear in the air. All of that will soon change anyways.

Zecora will have a smoother life from here on out. Once “Bridle Gossip” was over, she could then buy her own things without me being the middleman. Glad my interference hadn’t changed this episode’s outcome. In fact… I at least got something out of it. The thought had me crave apples. Tucked under a wing, now between my primaries, I rubbed its red skin clean on my coat and its savored honest sweetness.

A wagon was in my path, left astray upon the girls’ return, but far from abandoned. Underneath, a pair of shivering colors—two mares found shelter from a danger that never existed. I walked around to pass on by, but then stopped as well as my chewing. The poor mares flinched and huddled tighter to edge out of view. I paid their cartoony skittishness no heed. Instead, I stared at the text engraved into the center of one of the wheels. As if by odd humor, a logo of a wheel accompanied it.

Roadmane Inc.

After about a long, long minute, I took another bite of my apple and moved on. The breaths of relief behind bidded me goodbye.

The Golden Oak expanded into view from the horizon. It’s been a long day, enough for the sun to tick behind the edging leaves of the tree house and tinge the world in gold, indicating the end of an hour and the beginning of the next. Finished eating, I threw away the apple remains into a nearby trashcan. The daily newspaper laid haplessly where it usually did upon reaching the steps…

“Wicked Enchantress’s Minion Tasted Our Sweets and Will Steal Them All! Hide Your Delicacies!”

More drivel, but still amusing. It’s a keeper.

The issue under my wing, I opened the door and slipped in. Inside laid a massive mess. The shelves were emptied, in front of them the contents themselves in a sea of bookish galore. Loose paper and open covers were scattered all around. I could imagine the lavender unicorn, just swimming in it to find the solution she seek. Hard to imagine a mare with OCPD could subject her own library to such harsh treatment.

In the middle of it all, the number one assistant himself was absorbed into a green-colored book, still under Twilight’s orders to find a cure of her floppy horn problem. “Oooh! I bet she’ll like this one, too,” he muttered.

“Alone with your thoughts?”

“Gah!” Spike jumped and spun around with wide eyes, hugging the book tight. He breathed in relief when he saw it’s just me. “Tori? Tori! You’re ba—oh jeez!” He pointed at my forehead. “Dude, you look scary with that scar!”

My wing felt over the scar on reflex.  “...don’t I know it.”

Spike picked up the book he just dropped. “It’s...actually real?”

“It’s always been there,” I deadpanned. “My mane kept it out of sight, but my barber cut it too short.”

“S-seriously? All this time? Then why didn’t you…?” Spike furrowed his brows in thought, but then he looked at the book he was holding. Supernatural Remedies. “...Nevermind. I think I can get why…”

I trotted over to one side of the library. There, a surprisingly untouched shelf of newspapers laid organized. The local newspaper archive was small. Hardly anyone thought to save local articles to expand the collection before Twilight came along, so it fell to me, the hobo of the library, especially when it documented all of the rumors and commentary that surrounded me. Another shall join their ranks.

Right as I inserted the latest issue in, I sighted the shelf above it. A bigger archive, but instead of local news it contained Equestria-wide intrigue. Sometimes, I read them to get a bearing of Equestrian society at large. It’s as if my lurking instinct for /pol/ of 4chan never changed. But a thought or sense of curiosity...something compelled me. My eyes trailed across the ordered text before settling on a single one. I pulled it out.

A detailed account of the Cloudsdale Marathon two months ago—a long-distance race for pegasi. Nothing of note in the words save for the mention of prize money...but a picture of one of the participants gave me pause. A cocky grin, slick green mane and white coat like a wispy cloud—it’s him: Gem Contrail, confirmed by his name written in the caption.

Soon, I returned the article to its place. There was nothing more to see. I turned to Spike. “Need help cleaning up?”

Spike looked over the library and winced. Too caught up in his reading, time flew before he realized it. Now, it seemed to be nearing the late afternoon, and there was still a huge mess to clean. “Y-yeah… Please. By the way, have you seen Twilight? She went out looking for you along with the others.”

“They’ll...be occupied. They found the cure to their problems.” I smirked. “Twilight Flopple, right?”

“Hah! You read my mind!”

And so, we started picking up the books and put them back in order in their shelves. Spike led the organizing since he knew Twilight’s system best. I was lifting books with my wings, teeth and back while the dragon pointed where I needed to go. For stubby, short legs, they served Spike well, carrying enough books to obscure his sight as he climbed the ladder for the higher shelves. Even after a while, we were far from done.

During our work, a familiar cover caught my eye.

Mood and Magic: A Study of the Magical Science of Emotion was its name.

I still remembered: a therapist who stared at this very book.

...could it be?

Hefting it to my hooves, I opened to the first few pages where the acknowledgements and the author, Professor Snuggle, were detailed. A picture and her full name... Snuggle Therapy. I could see the resemblance. How fitting considering the number of times she mentioned “snuggle treatment” in her work. The acknowledgements spoke of gratitude toward her colleagues, toward her friends...but one line outweighed the rest.

“...and many snuggles to my sweetheart, Sound Therapy, for all her love and care.”

Never judge by the cover, but never know the full story.

After all, we are all fundamentally alone in this world. Whatever is told about ourselves in a lifetime will merely scratch the surface. The only one certain of his own life story will always be himself. Alone. A life ultimately unshared, never to be fully understood.

What did it mean for the brony in the closet?

“...hey, Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Fluttershy heard it, but I never got to hear your entire life story. Mind if I do?”

Spike chuckled bashfully. “Hehehe! Am I getting popular or something? Yeah, sure. ...but why do you ask?”

“Meh.” I shut the book and resumed working. “Just bored.”
> Swarm of the Century
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The Church of Harmony…”

Hovering in her magical grip, the silver medallion shined as Princess Luna’s eyes traced its surface, from the caricature of the sun hidden behind a crystalline tree to the gems embedded in its branches. A perfect copy from my mind.

“Since their founding over a thousand years ago, they’ve grown into an iconic symbol of harmony. Particularly, Pilgrims are unique individuals with unique talents, exemplifying the height of pony achievement. And it seems some of them had gone overzealous...”

The medallion turned in place. In its flat side, the reflection of gray eyes—my eyes—stared back.

“And to receive this medallion, this ‘invitation’, is a great honor among them. And thou threw it back?” Luna chuckled, relinquishing the medallion as it fade into specks of light, forgotten. A cupcake floated to her watery lips in its place. “Outrageous as ever, we see.”

Of all the dream foods in my arsenal, cupcakes captured Luna’s taste. Unlike Twilight, who ate with the precision of a child, Luna nibbled with the grace of royalty.

“To think all this happened because thou lack a cutie mark... We admit, it is uncanny. Never before have we seen a grown pony without one. Rumors even reached all the way to the Church in the castle.” A mischievous smile graced her muzzle. “Something about a ‘markless living statue,' we believe.”

I grunted. “What am I? A myth?”

“Thou have our sympathy.” Luna winked. “Though, we welcome thy company in the hall of fairy tales. Oh. And by the way? Check.”

On the table laid an ongoing game of chess, me on white and Luna on black. She had spent most of her turn savoring her cupcake—no doubt the taste of victory. I was losing terribly, half of my pawns, bishops and knights destroyed. Now, with my king exposed, I’m at the brink of annihilation. Outwitted by a cartoon horse no less… The surrealism certainly hit me.

“We art aware their gospel told of our return,” Luna continued. “We too knoweth of divination; However, to see into a thousand years with any clarity requires an astounding aptitude…or perhaps a wise mind.” In a single move—I winced—Luna demolished my rook, toppling my carefully laid defense. Another nibble, another swallow. "But we heard they revised their prophecies, as if something nullified their divinations altogether. Now, the Church liveth in uncertainty.”

“And they’ll feel threatened...” I muttered, scanning the board. “...and when threatened, the particularly special idiots will strike with autistic fury.” Finally, I sighed, tossing away all thoughts of defense and charged my pieces to their deaths in hopes of reaching her king before she reached mine.

With deft counters of her pawns, Luna thwarted my invasion in swift order. “Thou speaketh with experience?”

“I...joined a similar herd once. Although, us being a religious cult was more for laughs.” A pause. “Or was it...?”

“Interesting…” Luna’s wing dabbed the icing off her lips, her eyes trailing aside. “Does it explain Anon’s behaviour tonight?”

I followed her gaze.

Garbed in rattling chainmail and red crosses woven into the chest and flank, a green filly waved a flag of a blue shield over a crimson background—the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ logo.

“Deus Vult! Deus Vult!” Around and around Filly Anon marched to the beat of her voice, from my side to Luna’s, then back to me and repeat as her innocent, emerald eyes sparkled of religious genocide. “Deus Vult! Deus Vult!” Anon abruptly spun mid-step and stabbed the pole toward my face. “Bitch!” she snarled, “why aren’t you ‘Deus Vult-ing?!’”

I inhaled, a shameful wing over my face. Maybe enabling dream autonomy was a bad idea... “Can we—can we lower the autism, Anon?” I pleaded. “I’m trying to have a conversation here.”

“No!” Anon squeaked, pacing back and forth. “Pony Jerusalem is ours—and no false church shall claim it before us! For we are the originals! For our memes are superior! For our holy Cutie Mark Crusade, our cutiemark-ism, accomplished far more than they’ll ever hope to!”

“Cutiemark-ism phonetically sounds like communism,” I deadpanned.

“Irrelevant!” Her hoof clanked as she booped my nose. “As per the First Commandment: Thou shall love thine own ass!”

“Fuck no.”

“Fuck yes!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

I swatted her hoof away. “No. And muted.”

“You can not silence God’s will—!” And then, sweet silence. Anon’s mouth flapped, but not a sound came. Realizing this, she stomped her hooves, gestured her flag, and shimmered her puppy eyes to communicate unspeakable fury… She could be gushing over lollipops and butterflies for all we knew.

“Awww. We see why you keep her around.” A melodious giggle escaped Luna. “She’s so adorable~!”

Anon instantly scrunched with rosy cheeks and snarled, taking it out on me with spiteful swings of the flagpole. It was not very effective.

Luna chuckled. But eventually, mirth gave way to seriousness. “Our sister received thy letters. The offenders described shall be no trouble once she frees her hooves.” She hesitated. “Hopefully.”

My brow raised. “‘Hopefully?’”

“We are...unfamiliar with these ‘rule of law’ and ‘due process.’ There is just, just so much...” Luna shuddered, voice haunted by the name of the most sinister of entities: “Bureaucracy. How our sister could tolerate such paperwork baffles us!”

Even in another world, paperwork remained the bane of sapient beings. As an office worker in a previous life, I understood well enough to pity her. I smiled thinly. Fight well, Hime-ojou-sama.

“Already, we miss the old ways…” Luna’s expression turned complicated. “Although, was there anything we should know about in thy letters? When Celestia read them, she seemed...disturbed.”

I blinked. “No… Not that I know of. How is she by the way?”

“As always: Busy,” Luna grumbled. “Now that we are well, our return to the throne is her priority. The ceremony, the audience—many formalities had to be planned. Sweet-talking the nobles so that it shall go smoothly took her time.”

I frowned. That didn’t seem right... “I thought by now you’d be back in power.”

Luna coughed, tapping her horse shoe tips together like how a nervous schoolgirl would, and sheepishly smiled. “W-well. Funny story about that... Remember the dragon incident? We, um, had an argument with our sister for fooling us that day… And there were—perhaps, probably—guests present. Haha...” She laughed it off, but there was no mistaking the red-tinted embarrassment on her face. “Seems they still remember it like yesterday’s sore...with never ending complaints.”

I just stared. Should I be disappointed or laugh?

Luna winced from my silence. “It was unbecoming of us, we know! It may even delay thy justice. We tried to convince sister to mind thy plight first and foremost, but the recrowning takes priority. Information apparently travels swiftly in this age...and letting the nobles tarnish our reputation would be disastrous.” Guiltily, she glanced away. “We...we are sorry.”

“Hey, I get it.” I waved a hoof. “You both waited over a thousand years. I can wait a few days.”

“N-nay!” Luna slammed the table and the chessboard shuddered. “This is unacceptable! If it were not for our recklessness, we would already be back in power, bashing down all the doors of Equestria with whatever might the Royal Guard has to spare to find those zealots!”

“Uh…no.” I calmly shifted the chess pieces back in place. Something told me she wasn’t exaggerating. “I’m touched and all, but that’s extreme.”

“Doth thou have any sense of urgency?! Thou were almost abducted!”

“Does bureaucracy care?” I countered. “Equestria has gotten bigger in the past millennia. There are entire communities with their own problems, and I’m just one guy. I gotta wait in line like everyone else.”

“But thou art no stranger.”

“With all due respect, Your Majesty, the law plays no favorites.”

Luna steeled her gaze, and I met it unflappably. After a breath... Two breaths... She sighed. “We swear. Thou sound just like our sister… Speaking of whom, she'll be visiting Ponyville, yes? Perhaps by then she’ll come forth with answers.”

“...Yeah.”

‘Swarm of the Century’ begins tomorrow. The Mane 6 will prepare for Princess Celestia’s visit only to later fend off a parasprite swarm. For Celestia’s reply, her arrival at the end of the episode will be the best time, baring no hindrance to Twilight’s friendship lesson.

Rubbing my forehead, I stared back at the chessboard, but no matter what, checkmate was one move away. Enemy rooks occupied the rear, a phalanx of pawns took the front, and a queen and knight aimed to kill. My king’s fate was sealed. With a resigned frown, I moved a random piece and awaited defeat.

“Too prideful to surrender, we see.” Luna smirked, enjoying an indulgent bite of her cupcake. A black queen glowed and... “Checkmate.”

Game over. I exhaled and slumped on my seat, yet I couldn’t find it in myself to feel dissatisfied. In fact, I felt the opposite.

Since the moment Princess Luna took her first bite of her cupcake, her eyes visibly sparkled to a childish side even now as she ate, glowing each time she tasted ‘victory’. To the cream splashed from ear to fuzzy ear, to the frost smeared across her fluffy cheeks… Naturally, with a straight face, I carved my true prize into my mind. Itadakimasu, Kek-sama.

“There’s one more thing we would like to ask,” Luna said.

“H-huh? Oh.” Snapping out of my reverie, I nodded. “Shoot.”

Luna’s brows furrowed, blunt and serious. “Why, of all things, seek an audience with the Priest? From what we understand, thou wish to cooperate, but after being forcibly coerced into their religion? We thought thee would avoid them.”

Heh. I wondered that myself.

In that stormy night, the Pilgrims mentioned a Priest who gave their mission to ‘retrieve’ me. By all rights, I should’ve reported it to Celestia and jail the fucker, consequences to the timeline be damned. Even without proof, I could’ve casted enough spotlight for Celestia or Luna to find incriminating evidence on their own. But I didn’t. I said nothing about it, not in the letters, not even to Luna.

“Why” indeed.

This world was meant to indulge my nostalgia, to repeat the fun, to revive the memes, to relive the old days… But the Church of Harmony? Were they included?

“Maybe I’m curious. Maybe I’m bored.” Leaning on the table, staring out into the mindscape, into the white horizons… I saw nothing. “Or maybe I’m sick and tired of half-assed closure. I want the full story. Talk like adults.”

I wanted to see where it’ll go without hindrance. Death said it himself: no perfect copy, everything is unique. It’s selfish, stupid even, but to let it end without knowing anything would be a damn pity. May as well enjoy it. And if I mess up, well…

I looked at the chessboard; There can always be another round.

Luna stared for a while longer before sighing. “...Just be careful, friend. The Pilgrims are honorably named for their dedication. Alone, they are like normal ponies. But together, they can be much, much more. Whatever the few radicals may do, it could snowball into chaos.”

“Heh.” My gaze trailed to the side. Ethereal chains and locks drew my eyes from knob to frame, swimming and skipping around the door where my human memories, brony memories, frolicked beyond. “Don’t I know it.”

For the rest of the night, Anon kept bashing me with the Crusader’s banner.



Revisiting Lessons: Chapter 11


Season 1. Ep 10 


Swarm of the Century






“Are the banners corrected?”

Pegasi saluted, hovering over the words ‘Welcome, Princess Celestia!’.

“Check! Are the tables neat and tidy?”

Some ponies nodded and smiled, showing off the orderliness of the tables, plates, and cutlery.

“Good, good… Tori, check off that one, too!” Twilight pacing past the crowd, a keen eye on their progress.

“Okay—just… ugh!” Wobbling behind, I fumbled with the clipboard in my wings, trying to mark it with a pen in my lips. “Shlow downsh!”

“No fooling around!” Twilight said. “We’re almost at Carousel Boutique.”

“Yeah, yeah—” I secured the clipboard and quill under my wing just in time to dodge a pair of giggling fillies. “Woah. Getting too excited there.”

“Excited?” She didn’t turn around. “Excited doesn’t even begin! I haven’t seen Princess Celestia since moving to Ponyville!”

“Still,” I eyed the bustling ponies, “Spike was right. Isn’t this a bit much for a ‘casual’ visit?”

“That’s just it: Princesses don’t do casual!” Twilight’s ears twitched as she trotted faster, staring dead ahead. “A visit from royalty is a great honor, especially for rural communities like Ponyville. And to shirk off the bar would not only be irresponsible, but disrespectful to the Princess. ‘Casual’ could mean something different in the princess language!”

I looked dully at her. “...Really? Princess language?”

“Yes! Like a teacher to a surprise test!” She blinked, trailing off. “And it’s for a grade...”

“...I’m sure Celestia—”

“Princess Celestia.”

“—Princess Celestia is just trying to establish common ground. She can forgive some...relaxation.”

Twilight gasped and a strand of her mane shot up. “What if she thinks I’ve gotten lazy, slacking off away from her supervision?!”

“Aaand now you’ve gone left field.” I rolled my eyes. “Look, she won’t think badly of you. It doesn’t take a Rosetta Stone to know that you’re her friend, too.”

Twilight stumbled midstep. “...F-friend?” A familiar word with a different flavor, but any chance of self reflection broke with a shake of her head. “Nevermind! That’s why I have these!” She magically flashed a stack of cards—flashcards—and, with them, exuded an aura of confidence. “Anything I want or need to say, along with replies to the princess’s possible inquiries, are prepared right here!”

I stared at the flashcards, suddenly feeling conscious of mine in my saddlebag. “Are you...taking that with you to the princess?”

Twilight laughed airily. “What? Of course not!” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m going to study them.”

“Uh...” I gave her a look. “Okaaay… Whatever floats your boat.”

Then, something chirped by, and I glanced as a bright yellow ball hovered over Twilight’s head. Huge eyes shined and insectoid wings buzzed as it wafted in circles like a gentle fairy. The parasprite nestled into Twilight’s mane—and the pony giggled, pacified instantly. 

I frowned.





Finally, we arrived.

Carousel Boutique stood glamorously under the sun, its roof glowing like brilliant silver. A lavender fragrance wafted from inside as we trotted to the entrance, welcomed warmly by the gentle, curvaceous lettering of the ‘OPEN’ sign. When we entered, Twilight blinked and suppressed a snort.

There, on a mini-fashion stage, wings twitching along noble clothes and hooves fidgeting in golden accents, Rainbow Dash squirmed under the most ridiculous wig ever: a structure of flamboyant curls almost as tall as herself.

Rarity was frowning. Measurements, colors, aesthetics—all of this the fashionista fretted with narrowed eyes and pins in her teeth. Even when the doorbell sang, her concentration never waned as her back kept toward us. But by our nearing hoofsteps, her ears flickered and she turned. She lit up upon seeing us.

“Oh!” Rarity pleasantly smiled. “Why Twilight darling, hello there! And to you as well Tuto—” She stiffened. “O-oh…oh my. What...what is that you are wearing?”

“Huh?” I dumbly blinked once, then twice in realization. I felt over the cloth wrapped around my forehead with a wing. “Oh, this?”

It couldn’t be helped. Until my hair grows out, I needed something to cover my nasty scar to keep the skittish ponies from running every time they see me. It’s too windy out to wear my fedora, so I fashioned my hobo scarf into an improvised bandana—an abomination to the eyes of fashion.

“You know my...situation.”

Rarity bit her lip. “Still…”

Free from Rarity‘s scrutiny, Rainbow Dash took to the air and stretched her wings. “You look like one of those wannabe gangsters from Cloudsdale,” she commented with a smirk.

“I’ll have you know that I didn’t choose the thug lyfe,” I said. “Thug lyfe chose me.”

“Pfft! Ever always the weirdo, Weirdo.”

I snorted, looking up and down at her ridiculous get up. “Fuck you, too, Madam Skittles.”

“At least I don’t dress ridiculously by my own free will!” Rainbow theatrically flipped her bangs. “With me, I got style—w-whoah!” she yelped, almost keeling over from the wig’s weight.

“Oh? As in,” I crossed my eyes and said with the most obnoxious feminine voice, “‘always dresses in style?’”

Rainbow cringed so hard her wings wrinkled mid-flight. “Ugh! Dude. Not cool. Why’d you make it sound so weird?!”

Good to know G4 Rainbow Dash despises her G3 self, even from another universe.

“Nevermind that,” Twilight said, eyes mirroring the colors of the mannequins in display. “These outfits look gorgeous!”

“Oh, darling, you are too kind! They’re doing fabulously, I must say.” Rarity turned to Rainbow with an amused smile. “And I’m sure you will be as well. ‘Dressing in style’, yes?”

Rainbow gagged, only to squeak when Rarity tightened the corset, dragging her back down to earth. The pegasus glared at the unicorn, who giggled and innocently looked away.

Suddenly, a melodical trio of chirps resonated in the room, and Rarity and Rainbow perked up, turning toward the source. There, hopping out of Twilight’s mane, not one, not two, but three parasprites now sat along her flank.

“My word… Such a sweet sound!” Then, one hopped onto Rarity’s mane and chirped. She swooned. “And so adorable!”

Rainbow whistled and floated close, curious eyes locked into one in particular. “Been hearing about these little guys. What are they?”

“I don’t know, but they keep appearing out of nowhere,” Twilight said, forehead creased in thought. “The town is now chirping with the little things.” But seeing her’s nestling back into her mane, she relaxed and smiled. “Not that I mind.”

“I can take one off your hooves,” Rarity said, giggling as her parasprite ticked her forehead. “It’ll be my pleasure.”

Rainbow swooped in and snatched one along her hooves. “Hehe! Dibs on the blue one!”

And so, the three cooed and cuddled their respective parasprites, taking their sweet time nuzzling their fuzzy furs… Perhaps for too long. I just stood there, waiting, watching like the forgotten seventh wheel of a triple date. Again. Kek damn, that time was traumatic...

Twilight noticed my staring and smirked. “Want one?” she teased, giving the parasprite in her hair a slight bounce. “We could find one around town for you to keep.”

“Pass,” I waved a hoof, “I already sold my soul to...other adorable overlords.”

“Oh, come on!” Twilight giggled and playfully pressed cheeks with the mewling fuzzball. Together, they gave me a precious look. “How can there be anything cuter than this?”

I blankly gazed past her.

Rarity squee’d into giggling fits, giving her parasprite a snuggle as squishy as a marshmallow. Above, Rainbow Dash prodded her parasprite like a kitten to a yarn ball, smittened by its soft, blissful touch until it decided to land on her nose. She went cross-eyed and sneezed.

Finally, I looked back at Twilight. From the puppy eyes twinkling like stars to the adorable pout across her tender snout, the unicorn of fluff and sparkles, lavender and small, held a captivating gaze that wavered my cold, cold soul.

“...You’d be surprised.”

“How are the Cake couple by the way?” Rarity asked, touching noses with her parasprite. “I hear they’re chosen to cook the pastries. Celestia knows stress doesn’t do well for one’s complexion. And she’s visiting!”

Twilight stiffened.

I rubbed my neck. “Oh. Them?”





The Cakes just stared, and I along with them. They drip in cold sweat, gulping. And I just dispassionately blinked on with measured breaths. Standing by the counter, we watched as a little parasprite volunteered to taste-test the food.

“I can fix this!” Twilight yelled, chasing the little thing with her horn aglow. ...She clumsily crashed into the tables, now upside down. “Totally fixing this!”

The parasprite inhaled the foodstuff with inexplicable volume and velocity, tearing through freshly baked goods several times its own size like there’s no tomorrow. Gluttony incarnate had arisen, and the cute fucker knew no satisfaction. 

Not even a crumb was spared.

“I-I… I think I’m going to…” Mrs. Cake wheezed. “O-oh goodness… Dear, hold me—!” She fainted right onto Mr. Cake’s side, who stumbled and fell with a yelp.

“C-Cup Cake?! Speak to me, honey!” Mr. Cake cried.

I sighed, facehoofing.





“...they’ll manage.”

“U-um, yes! Of course!” Twilight chuckled nervously. “I mean, why wouldn’t they?” Stiffly, she smiled. “A-anyways, has anypony seen Fluttershy? I would like to ask her about these creatures,” she said, shrugging her mane that housed her new pet. “If anypony knows, it’s her.”

“Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash frowned. “She’s out sick. Can’t do anything today.” She mumbled under her breath, “And she’s not the only one…”

Rarity gasped, a hoof over her mouth. “Oh, dear... Is she alright?”

“She’s been better. With all the animals hibernating, she‘ll be busy. You should’ve seen it: her room was a freaking mess! You could even hear mice in her closet, but knowing her, they’ve always been there.”

I inwardly grimace and looked away, pretending to admire the outfits. But then... Something caught my eye. It was narrow and round, pristine with a silver shine, just laying on a desk. Although it blended with the background like an afterthought, I stared at the clarinet. “What about Pinkie?”

“Oh, yeah. Tori’s right,” Twilight said, nodding. “Where is she? I thought she’ll be helping out in Sugarcube Corner, but we didn’t see her.”

“Goodness! I’m surprised you haven’t,” Rarity said. “She’s been making quite a ruckus, going on about the ‘end of Ponyville as we know it.’ Just wander around town, and you're bound to encounter her at least once. Everypony has so far.” She sighed in exasperation. “Such a drama queen.”

“Rich coming from you,” Rainbow Dash snarked and rolled her eyes—as did the blue parasprite but with its entire body. “But it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie. No biggie.”

“She’s been otherwise unhelpful with the preparations,” Rarity grumbled. “Honestly, it’s gotten tiresome. Even now, she’s still going on with that bizarre story of Tutorial’s abduction.”

Rainbow snickered. “Heh! Tell me about it—” Her eyes widened. “Wait, what?”

“I have to agree,” Twilight said with a frown, rubbing her forehead. “While less ridiculous than the other...creative rumors, it's still, well, ridiculous!”

Wings stuttering, Rainbow balked. “You mean, nopony believed us?!”

“After clearing the rumors with Zecora?” Rarity said. “Of course not.” She raised an unamused brow. “Although, I keep hearing you’ve been spouting the same thing.”

“But it's true! Ponies really did try to ponynap him!”

“Sorry, Rainbow.” Twilight shook her head disapprovingly. “It’s been fun with you and Pinkie, but we’ve heard enough. It’s over. Maybe Tutorial doesn’t care, but he’s been subjected to these rumors for far too long. Please, let him have this.”

“B-but—!”

“But if you really insist,” Rarity then suggest, “why not let Tutorial be the judge?”

And so, everyone turned with pointed gazes at...nothing.

“H-huh?” Twilight blinked, glancing around in confusion. “Where’d he go?”





Citizens trotted by with occupied hooves, contributing to the preparations with a nervousness only a tightly-knit community understood. The occasional pony would look curiously at my shoddy bandana, but I paid them no mind. Ponyville was particularly alive today. So lively and warm and upbeat… I took it all in as I trotted into the heart of town and just…listened.

A group of foals scampered along a path parallel to mine. I cocked a brow, recognizing them.

“How many times am Ah gonna tell ya,” Apple Bloom said, “Tutorial ain’t a ninja—and neither a zombie!”

“But it’s true, though!” Snips insisted. “He even said so himself.”

“Ah’m pretty sure he’s just pullin’ your apples.”

“H-he wouldn’t!” But then Snips hesitated, looking at Snails. “...would he?”

Snails just shrug.

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “What’s up with ya’ll and ninjas? Besides, Pirates are cooler.”

As if her words were thunder, Snips and Snails gasped.

“Y-you don’t like ninjas?!” Snips stuttered.

Snails was shook. “Blastpenny!”

“That ain’t even a word!” Apple Bloom shook her head. “Y’know what? Never mind. Point is that pirates are the best. Ain’t that right, Twist?”

Twist flashed a toothy grin past her thick, purple glasses. “Athually, I’m more ofth a ninja loverth myselfth.”

“What?! B-but...!” Apple Bloom gaped before glaring. “You traitor!”

None of them saw me, a tree obscuring line of sight, and they passed by without even blinking. So did I, a ghostly smile on my face.





Ponies are cute. Always had been. But it got me thinking...

The Brony Fandom was strange, gathering strangers from all across the globe with even stranger ideas. North America, Eurasia, Australia… It didn’t matter what the origins—it was all for the sake of our cute and cuddly pony overlords.

Someway, somehow, bronies would do the darndest of things together. I mean, since when the hell were conventions dedicated solely to ponies the sanest of ideas?

And then BronyCon happened.





Welcome banners and silky ribbons lined the front of Town Hall from the tree trunks to the grounded poles, popping with passion. Aloe and Lotus Blossom, the twin spa ponies of alternating pink and blue, spoke by the tables while delicately and precisely folding napkins. On the tables, napkin origami decorated the platter scheme.

“I heard Snips has an older brother,” Aloe said, a parasprite bouncing blissfully over her head. “Has a matching mane even—just like us!”

Lotus hummed, gently petting her parasprite who calmly received. “Are you sure? Where did you hear about this?”

“Oh, you know. A customer’s friend’s daughter’s best friend’s aunt... Something like that.”

“Aloe!” Lotus chastised. “The gossiping got out of hoof, remember? And Zecora was such a pleasant fellow... To be among different cultures, far from home… We know how that’s like.”

Aloe’s brows furrowed under her towel bandana. “What about Tutorial’s ponynapping? Doesn’t that seem too serious to be a rumor?”

“He’s still here, is he not?” Lotus hummed thoughtfully. “Shame we’ve still yet to learn much about him, let alone meet.”

“Oh!” Aloe gasp and pointed. “And I think I see him right there!”

Lotus instantly followed her hoof. “Really? Where?”

But their voices already faded into the choir as I seamlessly meshed into the crowd of colors, leaving the two sisters wondering where I went.





I suppose when it's fundamentally grown-ass men being fanatics of cartoon ponies, nothing seemed as absurd or impossible anymore. And all it would take was a stellar presentation and a bunch of people dumb enough to listen. 





In the western side of town, restaurants clustered in awkward competition, and among them, the succulent scent of salt, oil, and fries enticed me as I passed by. I could see the golden-brown lines themselves, leaving a trail toward a particular Hayburger joint…

Beyond the window glass in display, a picture frame held Twilight’s proud ketchup-stained smile and golden letters written below, “Winner of Monthly Food Challenge.”

“Tear Drops!”

“Octopus!”

And outdoors in front of the picture frame, three ponies sat by a table. The first was Bon Bon, glaring and growling. “Snooty Snoot!”

The second pony—with a neat mane of black and a pristine coat of gray, an aura as classy as orchestra and a cello case leaning by her side—shot a frigid gaze in kind. “Foul Candy!”

And thirdly, nervously looking between the two, Lyra strained a smile. “H-hey now. We’re just here to have lunch in a nice afternoon. Calm down.”

The gray mare scowled coldy, her gaze acknowledging Lyra for a split second before seething back at—she blinked. She looked at the minty green pony again, this time befuddled. “Excuse me, but...who are you?”

“W-what?” Lyra reared back, looking hurt. “It's me! Lyra! Back in Canterlot Concert School?” The gray mare just stared dully. With a betrayed look, Lyra continued, “Y-y’know? Middle row two seats away? Almost broke the strings doing a guitar solo with a lyre?”

“...Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Oh, come on! Octy, don’t you remember your own classmat—?!”

“Hmmph! It is Octavia. And I’d very much prefer that you don’t call me by that nickname again.” She straightened her pink bowtie. “Ever.”

“O-oh, um...” Lyra smiled weakly. “You...haven’t changed a bit.”

“There’s no changing that nose up in the sky,” Bon Bon said. She narrowed her eyes, leaning threateningly over the table. “Just what are you doing here? Aren’t you ‘busy’ around this time?”

Octavia’s lip twitched. “Can’t a mare have a break?”

“Oh, please! I doubt you even sleep!” Bon Bon smirked. “Careful, though. You might get even grayer, granny.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

Lyra sighed, shaking her head. “Jeez,” she muttered, “You two are like an old couple.” Parasprites bobbed beside her, as if nodding in agreement.

A waiter came by with several trays of their food. The arguing mares paused and leaned back, allowing him to set them on their table before smashing noses once more. Lyra, however, gasped with starry eyes and a bright smile at the sight of her oatcake, of its crusty insides, of its bready goodness. She salivated, reaching in—

Chomp!

—until a single parasprite engulfed it all in one bite, leaving nothing but the plate itself. Lyra gawked and sorrow weighed upon her face, watching the patasprite lick its lips and float away. As Bon Bon and Octavia continued to bicker and scream, Lyra choked a sob with wobbling tears. “T-the oats were innocent...”

Watching in pity, I moved on.





Was it always ponies that linked us? That paved a commonality that breached all manner of barriers—backgrounds, sense of humor, and more? Or was it just the first step to an evermore complex process?





I paused, sniffing the sweet, sweet air as I found myself in the open park where flora of many kinds and colors outlined the paths and occasional tree. Reds, yellows, oranges, whites—flower beds stood at their brightest in a last yawn to the looming winter. Watering them, the Flower Trio gushed amongst themselves.

“Awwwww~!” Lily squeaked, squeezing a poor parasprite’s cheeks. “These little things are so adorable!”

Daisy giggled as a pink, fluffy one bobbed above and tickled her nose. “Give it love, it loves back… They’re like, like...love bugs!”

“Oooh!” Rose cooed. “That has a nice ring to it. Love bug!”

“Love bug, love bug!” Lily repeated, laughing when the parasprites danced to their newfound nickname. “Who’s a lovely dovely buggy? Yes you are, yes you are~!” Then, she paused, blinked, and turned around. She giggled and covered her lips, a smile flowering behind her hoof. “And how are you feeling over there, Bulk?”

A white pegasus sculpted of muscle and steroids stood with a stern face. His crimson eyes burned with smoldering intensity. And yet, clinging to his broad back, thick shoulders and abulous chest, parasprites happily buzzed around his figure like living armor.

“I have no idea what I’m feeling right now,” Bulk Biceps said. Then, his stonly visage cracked, and a crooked grin crossed his chiseled muzzle. “But it feels good. I mean, look at ‘em!” He flexed, and the coat of parasprites bulged. “They make my muscles look bigger! Yeah!”

I raised a brow, lips parting as if to comment but stopped. Eventually, I shook my head and forced my hooves along.





I knew the brony fandom resembled otaku culture, all the way down to the scale and enthusiasm. Otakus spoke with anime and bronies spoke with ponies, from best girl to best pony; They spoke a common language beyond conventional ones. 





At the outskirts, trotting under the shadowy flock of clouds looming overhead, I watched my frosty breath float to a chilly breeze.

“Ah...Achooo!” A sneeze echoed from the beyond the clouds, followed by a sniff. “Geez…”

“Better not let the Capt’ hear that, Thunderlane,” a feminine voice spoke. “She’ll make you earn your sick day. Some of the other’s got worked to the bone before being laid off, even Blossomforth.”

“Yeah, yeah… I don’t need to hear it from you, Cloudkicker.”

“Hehe! But maaan. Sucks all those rumors got debunked. Takes away the fun and mystery.”

“I, for one, am glad that’s cleared up—and hopefully my nose.” A watery sniff. “Ugh…”

“Oh yeah… You punched the guy!”

“S-shut up! That was four days ago! He just—he just appeared out of nowhere with a creepy smile on his face!”

“Pfft! Tell that to the ice cream on his black eye!” Cloudkicker hummed. “Say, y’know how Tutorial got ponynapped in the same night?”

“You mean the story Rainbow told us? Where she saved the guy? I thought she made that up to prove how much fun she had without us since we, uh… ‘ditched’ her.”

“Yep! That one! Come to think of it, she and Pinkie made the more popular rumors about him. Heh! Those two sure know how to spin a tale! Hay, Tutorial was so chill I bet he was in on it.”

“Personally, I still think that guy is creepy.”

“Oh, don’t be such a baby. Now come on! We still gotta finalize the winter clouds.”

Wings flapped and air swished, their voices now whispers in the wind. Then, a frigid gust overtook the streets. As if by instinct, ponies huddled close with rustling furs and bashful smiles.

I, the sole loner, awkwardly trotted through.





I suppose that just may be it: To be understood by those around you, those who make you say ‘I’m not alone!’. It enabled a sense of camaraderie that Normie language could never achieve.

And yet...





“Toriiiiiiii!”

Finally found her. The streets echoed with my name, drawing eyes everywhere. I stopped and turned just in time to see a pink eldritch abomination hurling my way. Not a flinch: I stood absolutely still.

Right before collision, Pinkie’s momentum ceased without even an ounce of fanfare, not even the sound of screeching tires. Pink hooves seized my deadpan face in an instant, forcing me to look deep into the panicking blues of her eyes.

“Tori! Tori! Tori!” Pinkie shook me back and forth, rattling me like a cowbell, “It’s red alert! I repeat: red alert! This is a super duper emergency!”

I grimace from all the spittle. “Can you—?”

“No time left to explain!” Pinkie spazzed, slurrings words so fast that I could barely keep up. “W-we need instruments pronto! A trombone, a clarinet, cymbals—whatever you can find!” Ears flattened, she leaned even closer with those begging, shuddering puppy eyes. “P-please! Nopony else would—”

I pried her hooves off me before saliva could drip under my eyelids and stepped back. “Okay, okay! I get it: Parasprites on a food binge.” After wiping my face with my makeshift bandana, I shrugged my saddlebag and opened the flap. A silver shine peaked out. “Here. A clarinet.”

Pinkie Pie was astonished, looking at the clarinet I stole from Rarity’s and then at me. Then, she squealed and smashed into me with a bone-crushing hug.

“Mmrff?!” I stumbled backwards, my muzzle so deep into her mane that all was pink in the world.

“Oooooh, you are the best of the besties!” Pinkie squeezed tighter and tighter. “I knew I could count on your mind reading some day!” She gave one more affectionate squeeze—my spine popped—before letting go, facing heroically eastward. “Now come on! We can’t save Ponyville without a banjo!” And so, she galloped and galloped and galloped…

I sighed, a hoof pinning down her tail. For a mare of such strength, she was surprisingly light. Cartoon Logic: doing its work. “Pinkie, stop.”

“No! No stopping!” Pinkie jabbered, “There’s work to be done! Drumsticks to be found! Jazz to be swung! Cupcakes to be sav—!”

“Oh look! Free cupcakes!”

Pinkie slid to her haunches and swiveled about. “Where—?!”

Her eyes widened, stunned as they reflect an ebony cover and an intricate emblem. By her silence, I retracted the book from her lips and back into the saddlebag. I grabbed her shoulders. “Look at me and repeat what I do. Breath in...and out. In...and out.”

Pinkie’s scruffy chest rose and fell as she copied my motions. A minute or two into the exercise, tension left her shoulders and nervous twitching stopped. She’s now the calmest, and sanest, I’ve ever seen of her save for her debut in Season 1’s premiere.

“Better?”

She mutely nodded.

“Good.” I tapped her shoulder, prompting her to trot alongside me. “Now why don’t we explain things to the mayor? I’ll translate your language to Native Normie for you.”





And yet it’s ironic when oddity isolates a person the way it did with Pinkie. And it’s an even bigger irony when, in the original episode, the entire parasprite infestation could’ve been resolved with old-fashioned communication.

Which was why I’m glad the episode’s friendship lesson said it plainly: Sometimes, listening and patience goes a long ways. Because for all the ways we communicate, nobody can truly be understood.

It balances out.





It was quiet at first. 

It snuck alongside the ponies and their carefree chatter, their daily song of fuzzy smiles and warm sunshine... The citizens paid no mind to the fluttering their newest residential fluff balls make, and the town proceeded with the preparations as normal.

But then, the parasprites multiplied. They began to litter the air with obnoxious colors and chirping. Their presence grew into an itch, into an annoyance, into a disturbance until, finally, all of Ponyville buzzed with them. And they ate and ate and ate...

The Flower Trio rushed through the open streets, their hearts racing as their hooves followed a fearful rhythm. They whisked past the park, wintry clouds, restaurants...and the park again. They’ve been running in circles in Ponyville for who knows how long!

Minutes most likely.

But no matter where they go, no matter how fast they run, the chirping followed. It chased them without end, humming an everso haunting hymn that sang for more. More food.

Lily tripped on a pebble of all things and her friends shrieked behind her, tumbling and sliding into a heap—a dead stop. They scrambled back up, hyperventilating, but there was no use in running anymore; The buzzing surrounded them in an instant.

Parasprites, parasprites, and more parasprites still. Thousands of them stared down upon the ponies with innocent, soulless eyes. In every direction, there was no escape. The trio huddled together as they, as well as their wallets, begged for mercy.

They buzzed ever so closer.

“W-what more do you want from us?” Roseluck whimpered, clutching her companions tight. “We gave all we could—we spent so much!”

And closer.

Lily clenched her eyes, snuggling deeper into her friend’s fur. ““P-please! Stop looking at us like that! W-we have to eat, too!”

And clos—

Daisy’s ears flickered, and she raised her head, blinking. “H-hey… Do you hear that?”

Roseluck nervously glanced around, but she could only hear the parasprites buzzing hungrily. “Um, hear what?”

“That…music.” Daisy bit her lip and faced northward. “It’s almost sounds like heavy metal—”

“Coming throooough!”

The sea of parasprites parted instantly, just as a mint-green unicorn burst forth like the saint herself with a burning lyre in her magic. Lyra snarled and ran past the Flower Trio, pupils lighting aflame. “This is my rage! This is my lyre! Released from its cage, face the hell firreeeeeeee!”

The instrument defied all logic and electrified with the soul of heavy metal! And yet, it still played to the tune of polka. Even the lyrics. With these unspeakable powers, Lyra chased the parasprites away!

Many parasprites dodged and seemed startled at first, but the longer they listened, the more they bobbed to the tune. Then, they shot to the ground and bounced, again and again to the beat as they followed Lyra with intense reverence. The parasprites started to thin out.

But the Trio could still hear it, the polka. They turned around to see… a fiddle, riding along the motion of orange fuzz. A stetson bobbed as Applejack skipped on three hooves, one hoof holding the fiddle and teeth wielding the bow.  Close behind, parasprites danced single file.

Applejack led them along until she reached the true source of the polka: a speaker box. And beyond that, in ever interconnecting cords, more speaker boxes. Once in range, Applejack stopped fiddling, allowing the polka to take over, and the fuzzy creatures bounced along with no fuss.

Applejack gazed aside, where a DJ stand was haphazardly set up, manned by a white unicorn with brazen blue hair. The apple farmer tipped her hat. Noticing, Vinyl smirked and waved in response before remixing the prerecorded music.

On the other side of the field, where polka couldn’t reach, a thrumming cello dominated. Eyes closed and back straight, Octavia stood firm to the numerous parasprites encircling her like sharks at sea as her bow flowed along the cello’s strings.

A creamy hind leg kicked into the whirlpool, and a parasprite shot to the air with a squeak. Bon Bon whipped and bucked through vicious pony martial arts, a stark contrast to the adorable squeals the parasprites make each time she launched them skyward.

High above, Rainbow Dash, flanked by other pegasi, caught the launched parasprites along the gusts of their flapping wings. The weather team formed a line, herding the adorable trash toward wherever polka could be heard.

The parasprites followed the line of speaker boxes, streaming toward the outskirts of town. And at the outskirts, playing a bizarre contraption made of several instruments like a one-mare-band, Pinkie jostled and puffed at the outskirts of town with laser focus.

Not once did she miss a beat.





And watching all this at the front of Town Hall, Mayor Mare and I stood, admiring the now-dubbed Liberation Team’s work.

“I am Kekistanian. This is Polka.” I smirked wryly. “How nostalgic.”

“Nostalgic?” the mayor asked.

“Inside joke.”

Despite my strange words, the elder mare chuckled politely and smiled. “Hmm. You and Pinkie have our utmost thanks. If it weren’t for the early warning, Ponyville’s food supply would’ve been ransacked and leave us to starve for the winter.”

“It’s only natural,” I said. “This is my home, too.”

“Ahaha…quite. But for you to understand Pinkie Pie… Amazing!” she said, her glasses glinting with awe. “And imagine the headlines! Lovebug Infestation: Buzzing Along and then Buzzing Off!”

I rolled my eyes, huffing. “Call them parasprites. Otherwise, the changelings will sue with a C&D.”

“I…” She tilted her head. “Excuse me?”

I waved my hoof dismissively. “Nothing. Just call them by their actual names.” I turned my head, watching Bon Bon and Applejack herd a massive boulder of parasprites along the trail of polka. “Ever thought of investing in some sort of...creature control service? It’s always better to maintain a sturdy defense in case of invasions like these.”

The mayor quirked a brow. “Oh? You say that with experience.”

“A clever princess taught me that. She… she royally beated me in chess,” I lamely admitted. “May as well recruit Bon Bon and Lyra while you’re at it. They seem to be made for it.”

“Feeeeel my sorrrooooows!”

Mayor Mare’s eyes dully followed Lyra riding down Town Square on a mini wagon, rolling with furious strings and wheels. A tidal wave of parasprites swiftly followed, a gust blowing our manes. “...provided they pass mental stability tests.”

“Fair enough.”

Crash! Clank! Wrwrwrwrwr… Thunk! Lyra’s voiced echoed from the dust clouds, “I’m okaaay!”

Mayor Mare hummed. “Oh. Mr. Blue? There’s something I need you to do.”

“Hm? Yeah?”

“Could you...redo your paperwork?” The mayor fidgeted, pulling her neck tie. “No offense to your Kekistanian language, but we can’t legitimize ineligible writing. And…” She gulped. “It’s scary.”

“I—” I stopped. “...Scary?”

“Yes,” Mayor Mare said, glancing toward my bandana before looking straight into my eyes. “Some of my attendants swore the lettering formed faces of the undead.”

“Uh…” Was my hoof writing seriously that bad? I knew I needed to work on it, and I did, but I didn’t think it was so terrible that ponies thought it was haunted. ...Then again, Ponyville’s superstition was the heart of its culture. Slowly, I nodded. “Alright. I’ll visit Town Hall again when I’m available.”

Mayor Mare smiled sagely, exhaling in relief. “Glad that you understand.”

At that moment, Vinyl’s speakers cut off completely. We perked up and gazed around, from the town’s untouched decor to the festive tables devoid of food. Fruits, breads, and most tragically the oats—gone. But silence occupied Ponyville’s streets, finally liberated from the parasprite menace, not a chirp to be heard or a fuzzball to be seen. I saw the liberation team pausing in the distance, realizing this as they looked at each other.

Then, the air exploded as they whooped and hollered victoriously.

Mayor Mare chuckled through the cheers. “It seems the deed is done. If you’ll excuse me, I must personally oversee the collateral.” She took a few steps forward—but stopped. “And… I know this may be late but…” With a glance over her shoulder, a tender warmth shone in her eyes. “Welcome to Ponyville.”

I blinked, looking at her. “I...”

But before I could get a word in, she already left, leaving me to just stare at her back. She nodded toward a stallion and a mare—attendants—who then walked by her sides, each reading off to her a scroll. They met up with Applejack, who spoke with a stern expression, and with undertones of grimness after a disaster, they got down to business.

...I suppose it’s time I dealt with my own, too.

My sights locked on the pink figure in the distance, I trudged onward, enjoying the lack of parasprite litter. And about them… Just where did they come from exactly? In the show, Fluttershy herself brought in the parasprites, instigating these events, but she stayed home sick. That meant the parasprites didn’t spread through her. She wasn’t the carrier this time. 

In that case...who was?





“Hnnnng!” Next to a broken mini wagon, Lyra stretched like a cat. She was scratched and dusty all over, yet no worse for wear. “Aaaaah~ Revenge tastes so sweet…” Suddenly, her stomach grumbled, and she chuckled sheepishly. “A-and now I’m hungry... Hey, Bon Bon!” she called across the street. “Want to go out to eat again? Because I am so down for some oats—”

“Sorry, Lyra.” Bon Bon smiled apologetically. “Not this time.”

Lyra’s jaw dropped. “W-what?! Why not?”

“Well…” Bon Bon looked to the side. There, Octavia, who was putting her cello back in its case, looked back. “Let’s just say she and I have a lot of...catching up to do. Isn’t that right, Octy?”

Octavia nodded, and her smile was so brittle and dry it may as well be the dust on her coat. “Pleasure is all mine, Sweetie.”

“Please,” Bon Bon offered a plastic smile of her own, “let’s take this...elsewhere.”

“Glad we understand each other.”

Watching them saunter off with mechanical affection, hooves over each other's shoulders, Lyra was utterly baffled. “‘S-sweetie?’ I thought that’s a special pony thing! Unless...” She gasped. “D-don’t tell me… They are special best friends?!”

As Lyra was freaking out, I walked past, shaking my head. I don’t ship it.

My ears then flickered to flapping wings above and a shadow hovered over me. By the raspy breaths alone, I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. “Been looking for me, Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah. After you left me hanging,” Rainbow said bitterly. Two heavy flaps and she flew ahead, flying backwards as she faced me with a scowl. “Geeeez! I never thought finding a blue pegasus as boring as you would be so hard to find. Even before cleaning the adorable trash, I keep getting the wrong pony!”

I eyed her blue fur. “How many times did you lead to yourself using that description?”

“How’d you—?” She shook her head. “N-nevermind that! Back at Rarity’s, I had to sit there and take it from Twilight and Rarity even though I said the truth!”

“You do have a prankster’s reputation. Pinkie, too.”

“Y-yeah, well…” A frustrated huff. “At least we’re trying to stick out for you!”

I said nothing, staring emptily past her.

Hearing no answer, Rainbow huffed, hooves crossed as she floated next to me, wordlessly in my company. She blinked, shivered, and increased the distance between us. I gave her the barest of glances before snapping back to the pink figure ahead, who appeared to be in the process of shoving instruments...into her mane.

Once in speaking range, I waved a wing in hello. “Had fun, Pony Piper?”

“Yepperoni!” After pushing a clarinet into her mane, Pinkie strummed a banjo, grinning to its tune. “I thought I’d be too busy for a parade, but I did it anyways!”

“Uhuh. Yeah,” Rainbow said idly. “Anyways, me and Tori were just talking about...that.”

“Huh? ‘That’?” Then, Pinkie blinked in realization. “Oooooh… That. No worries, Tori! I’ve gotcha covered. By now, all of Ponyville should know there’s ponynappers on the loose!”

I looked at Rainbow Dash. She rubbed her mane nervously. Back at Pinkie, I said, “About that—”

“See?” Pinkie Pie pulled out a flyer from her mane. “I even drew a poster and posted it around town. The aware-er the better!”

Rainbow and I stared blankly at it. Scrawled along the paper, three childish drawings of the equine version of stick figures colored its pamphlet. Bean-shaped ovals acted as the main bodies and spindly lines as the limbs. She even detailed the heads with specific features: a curvy muzzle for the pale mare in the middle and rigid jaws for the colorful stallions on either side—all wearing frowny faces.

...At least Pinkie got their color palette right.

“Oh,” Rainbow uttered, and her eyes trailed guiltily to the side. “So that’s what they were…”

“...Nice crayon,” I said.

“Thanks! And once they get caught, they’ll be going toooo...“ A dramatic pause. “Pony jail! Dun dun duuuun~! And Jaja would finally have somepony to talk to!”

“I… Jaja?”

“Jailor the Jailor!” Pinkie said happily. She blinked. “Oh! I better remember to get her cupcakes one of these days. It must get lonely guarding empty cells.” When Rainbow and I said nothing, concern flashed in her face. “What’s wrong? Is cupcakes no good? Should I get her pie instead?”

I sighed. “Listen, Pinkie: Nobody believes that night actually happened.”

“W-what?! That’s news to me! I even shared it with everypony at Sugarcube Corner with all the details! I included the dramatic rain, a snazzy one-liner, and even the eeevil way that one pretty Pilgrim sneered.”

“...Well,” I deadpanned. “That explains so much.”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “Oh yeah? Then why didn’t you tell the others? Surely they’ll listen to you.”

At the fair point she brought up, I deeply, deeply inhaled. Then, I exhaled, rubbing the bridge of my nose as I recalled the one time I did just that...





“Ahahahahaha!”

“Uh...” I fidgeted in my seat. “Twilight?”

“Ahahahahahaha—!” She paused, sipped her soda, gulped, and then laughed some more. “—ahahahaha!” 

“So, uh… can I send a letter?”

Now giggling breathlessly, Twilight bumped my rib with a playful fetlock. “Oh, Tori! You’re really good at this! I can’t even tell if you’re being ironic or not!” She wiped a mirthful tear, still grinning. “You can’t fool me, though! I-I mean, we’re talking about Pilgrims! Historically some of the most harmonious ponies in Equestria!”

“...Wat.”

“Snrkt!” Twilight stifled her mouth with a hoof, but it didn’t matter. Again, she exploded with laughter. “Ghahahahaaaa! That faaace! S-stop looking at me like that! M-my sides—I just finished the food challenge!”





“And to think ponies can actually get so derpy from eating cheese...” I rubbed my jaw in thought, “Come to think of it, Rarity was there in the background, hiding behind a menu.”

Rainbow Dash made a face, brows razor straight. “Are. You. Serious?”

“Eh.” I helplessly shrugged. “I tried.”

“Try harder!” she growled. “This is not okay! Things could get really, really serious… Like, maybe those religious maniacs are a part of some cult and needed a ritual sacrifice!”

“...if it summons Kek, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Dude! Be real!”

“You’re right! Cthulhu needs some love, too.”

“Uuugh!” Rainbow’s facehoof flung her into a backflip. “You are unbelievable!”

“I don’t know…” Pinkie muttered, tapping her chin with serious eyes. “Either I’m getting pinker, or he’s starting to make sense.”

“You are both weird!”

I snorted. “Preach it. But in all seriousness, this is rather delicate. So, I sent a letter to Celestia about this.”

“Woah, woah, what?” Rainbow Dash blinked rapidly. “You’re sending the big guns already?”

“Of course.” Leaving my low faith in the Royal Guard aside… “It’s best to leave religious politics to the professionals.” I raised a brow. “Anything wrong with that?”

“N-no... It’s just that… I was hoping to kick some butt,” she grumbled.

“If I need someone punched, I’ll know who to call.”

“But…” Her mouth opened to argue, but the words seemed to catch up in her throat. Gulping, she bit her lip. After a few moments in thought, she sagged into a low-key glare. “You still owe me for ditching my behind...”

I saw it coming, but it stung anyways. I sighed. “Fine, fine…” I boredly looked her in the eye. “How can I make it up to you?”

Rainbow blinked rapidly. “B-bwah? Seriously? Just like that?” Then, she smirked deviously. “Hehe… Now that you said it… I have an idea. Just meet up with me at Rarity’s tomorrow morning, got it? Before Princess Celestia arrives. No chickening out.”

I nodded. “Got it. Wanna make it a Pinkie Promise? Pinkie can be our witness.”

“Dude, this isn’t a devil’s oath. I’ll just hold you to it.”

“Whaaa?” Pinkie protested with a childish pout. “Oh, come on! A Pinkie Promise isn’t that bad.”

“Says you, Pinkie.” Rainbow pivoted mid flight and began to hover higher and higher into the air, wings beating faster. She glanced over her shoulder. “Anyways, love to talk, but I really got to go. Gotta finish setting up winter for tomorrow. Smell ya later, you two!” And so, she dashed through the wintry clouds above, rapidly fading into a blue speck that befitted the free, open skies.

That just left me and Pinkie.

Fidgeting, I coughed. “The Cakes need some extra help, by the way. The parasprites caused them some… setbacks.”

Pinkie gasped, hooves to her muzzle. “Omigosh! Omigosh! I completely forgot about them!” She flung the banjo into the air and galloped back into town, her mane swallowing the banjo as it fell. “So sorry to leave you like this, but thanks for the reminder! Sugar is super serious business!”

“W-wait!”

Pinkie screeched to a stop mid-step and looked back at me, surprised. 

I gulped. “You’re unconventional. And...unique, I know. But if you ever need to get an idea across again, explain yourself first. Meet people at their level.” It’s common advice, or maybe common sense. Yet, even as I calmly spoke, my ears burned as I rubbed my neck, glancing aside. “That way...you won’t end up alone.”

For a few moments, Pinkie Pie stared with wide eyes. Eventually, she smiled. “That’s silly. I got you, remember?” And finally, leaving no room for anymore words, she resumed her sprint toward Sugarcube Corner.

“...yeah. Me.” I watched her go with a frozen expression. Again, I sighed. “I can’t always be...”

Finally, my business finished. I felt lost, just standing there blankly. When the sun ticked down like a clock’s hour hand, I figured it's time I headed back to the library. Twilight and Spike must be wondering where I went. Hopefully the bookworm learned her friendship lesson today...

But just as I was about to move, I heard crying. Very...masculine crying. Turning toward where the Everfree Forest outskirts lay, I saw a certain white pegasus sobbing into his cartoonishly muscular biceps.

“G-goodbye, Gym!” Bulk Bicep sniffed, crimson eyes watering. “You could’ve been a good training partner.” Another sniff. “Goodbye, Debby! Stay f-fuzzy and stuff. You too, Sim. And Glam. And Dandy. Tango. E-eggy! W-waaaaah!” The dam broke and he wailed in a stream of tears, puddles literally forming on the ground.

Beside him, Aloe and Lotus patted his back, their heads solemnly bowed as one of them offered a tissue. Bulk took it and blowed his sorrows—before suddenly sweeping them into a hug, bulging biceps glistening with liquid pride. He bawled even more. Meanwhile, the twins patted erratically, wheezing for air.

I just stood there, watching...breathless. Bulk Bicep and the parasprites… Just like a brony. By the time I realized it, I was clenching my teeth.

When assimilating into the mundane, would it take away something that could’ve been special?





Ponyville was no city, but the friendly town still bear its own secrets. Few ponies knew of the many shortcuts that ran between the dreary crevices of Ponyville’s clusters of homes. Even fewer knew of the conspiracies whispering within.

From around the wooden corners, in a narrow alley, the shadows quivered in the afternoon sun, split like a river to a boulder as a spotlight shined through. There, two figures gathered like actors in a stage.

“Unbelievable. Unbelievable!” Agent Sweetie Drops paced back and forth, shades flashing each time she passed the light. “This is why we don’t mix theocracy with the Monster Agency. You lunatics could’ve ruined Ponyville satisfying your stupid prophecies!”

Octavia adjustment her bowtie with a frustrated huff. “I know. I’m upset as well. I was never informed of how fast they could multiply, but what’s done is done.” Satisfied with the feeling around her neck, she slipped on a fine fedora and sunglasses. “Fortunately, the happy ending held. I dare say, it could’ve been worse.”

“Tsk!” Agent Sweetie scowled. “I don’t appreciate the Church operating in my town. Especially the attempted ponynapping! Tutorial delivers my sweets—everypony’s sweets! Hardly anypony could do that kind of work without an accident these days! Do you have any idea about the backlash if he goes missing?”

“How is candy releva—?! Ugh! Never mind.” Octavia shook her head. “That wasn’t the Church’s will. Some Pilgrims heard rumors of him and acted on their own.”

“But now here you are, a Pilgrim driving the Church’s agenda.” Agent Sweetie glared through her shades, yet Octavia was as stoic as ever. “Celestia disbanded the agency—we’re supposed to be in hiding! Just what are you trying to accomplish behind her back—?”

Octavia thrusted a folder to Agent Sweetie’s muzzle, who stopped and sputtered.

“W-what the…?” With a raised brow, Agent Sweetie took it in her hooves and looked at the musician. Octavia nodded. And so, the agent read the folder in silence. But as she scanned its contents, seconds ticking by, her eyes increasingly widened. “H-he wrote this?”

“As you can see in the photograph of the letter, we were lucky to acquire Tutorial’s cooperation. Civil words. But the hoofwriting…” She shuddered and, for an instant, her voice wavered. “It dripped. Like poison on a page…”

Agent Sweetie blinked, surprised. “Octy, you…” Biting her cheek, she sighed. “Fine. What do you want?”

Octavia straightened herself, recomposed. “All they want is your patience. I wish to get this over with. I’ll be staying in Ponyville to watch over the markless pegasus. Make sure no more rogue Pilgrims will interfere.” Her gaze flickered to the side. She snorted, trotted over to pick up a trash can lid—it was bent—and returned it atop its companion. “At least this town is not too dirty…”

Agent Sweetie frowned. “I still don’t get it. Tutorial’s no different than a markless foal. What could he possibly do?”

“Everything,” Octavia said. “The Church know many things, but that stallion? He’s got them spooked. Without mark, without history—he’s unnatural.” As cool as ice, piercing violet eyes peeked above tilted shades. “The Church is always right. Always. For their predictions to derail the day rumors of him appeared is no mere coincidence. They’re convinced that he’s no pony at all.”

“Oh, really?” Agent Sweetie rolled her eyes. “This better be good. The town’s been theorizing for months.”

“They believe Tutorial is an Agent of Chaos.”

“...”

“...”

“That’s stupider than Mr. Whooves’ cyborg theory.”

“W-why I never—! If that’s all you have to say, you and I will have problems, candy maker!”

“Trying to start something?!”

“If you insist!”

The mares growled, like dogs waging war over a chew toy. And so, they barked.

“Hair Player!”

“Cough Drop!”

“Two-Face!”

“Voice Hoarser!”

As pilgrim and agent launched name after childish name, strumming vexed strings of a cartoonish world of cartoonish ways, I stood up from around the corner and slipped away. They were none the wiser.





The next day, I stood alongside the Mane Six in front of the Town Hall building with the decor set, the food ready, and the towns ponies present. Everyone arrived early. An hour early.

By Twilight’s urgings, the entire town were swayed to check for any last minute concerns. No one complained. Whether she realized it or not, Ponyville respected her word as much as the mayor’s. When everything seemed in order, the ponies were left with little to do. So, they all resorted to idle chatter for the past hour. Time flew fast.

However, for Twilight Sparkle and her jitters, it flew too fast.

“It’s time!” Twilight rasped. “She’ll arrive any minute now!”

“Settle down, sugarcube,” Applejack smiled, patting the unicorn’s shoulder. “Everythin’ will be a’right.”

“O-of course!” Twilight breathed, in and out. “It’s not like nothing has gone wrong yet! Oh, wait!” Her eye twitched, and her mane twanged to life. “It did!”

Rarity immediately tended to her, brushing her mane. “Now, now. Look at the bright side: the most adorable infestation of the century was prevented.”

“Yep! The day saved by the power of trumpets!” Pinkie declared and, with a skip and a hop, pulled out said instrument from her mane and blowed a deep tune. She grinned. “Easy!”

Rarity chuckled. “Quite. And look!” She batted her lashes toward a table beside them, where baked goods of all flavors and sizes covered every inch of the tabletop. “The Cakes managed to complete their quota.”

At a table beyond that one, Mr. and Mrs. Cake sat hunched with vacant looks. The atmosphete around them appeared dead an ominous.

Pinkie chuckled sheepishly, rubbing her head. “W-we, uh, finished at past our bedtime…”

“Uuuugh…” Spike, slumped on Twilight’s back, yawned for the umpteenth time this morning. He stretched long and thoroughly, lazily blinking. “Don’t remind me… Ever since the parasprite fiasco, Twilight stayed up all night on her flashcards...” He shuddered. “I could hear them in my dreams…”

Applejack glanced around, squinting under the shade of her hat. “Still ain’t any sign of Fluttershy?”

“Nope.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “She’s going to be missing out...”

“A shame…” Rarity pouted forlornly, staring at Rainbow’s bare figure. But when her eyes drifted to the second blue pegasus of the group, she giggled. “At least I still got something out of this.”

I grunted in response. My head suddenly swayed and I jerked my neck, rebalancing the heavy wig that devoured my mane and scar. Chaffing the furs of my hooves and back, noble clothes and golden horseshoes decorated my slouching figure. My face glinted—glinted with a bead of sweat that manifested from my efforts to not. Scratch. My. Mane. I bit back a hiss. It’s part of the deal… It’s part of the deal…

“I would ask how in Equestria Rainbow Dash got you to wear it,” Rarity said, “but I presume you’d rather forego anymore embarrassment?”

I grit my teeth. “Please.”

“I thought as much.” Rarity hummed. “Although, I do recall the last time you spoke to the princess… As a matter of fact, that time was the only impression you’ve made...”

“Now that ya say that…” Applejack murmured. “Yer right.”

Slowly, everyone looked at me.

I blinked. “...what?”

At that moment, trumpet fanfare sang in the distance, heralding majesty’s arrival. I squinted upward and there I saw them, growing from a dot in the sky to a spectacle to behold: a team of stallions adorned in golden armor galloped along the air while pulling a carriage, and, riding atop the carriage, a figure of regal wings and golds sat, a prismic mane flowing gracefully to the wind.

Twilight gasped. “She’s here!” She then exploded in front of my face, “Be in your very best behaviour! This just might be your only chance to make a good impression!”

Recovering my balance, I steadied the wig with a hoof. “In that case, can I at least take this thing off?”

“Nope!” Rainbow swooped overhead with a relaxed smirk, getting way, way too close to the wig’s top. “You’ll just have to suffer.”

“Damn…”

The carriage finally touched the ground, and Ponyville cheered to Celestia’s arrival, who waved back with a motherly smile. Eventually, the stallions and the carriage slowed to a stop right in front of Town Hall, where Mayor Mare approached and then bowed.

“Rise, Mayor,” Celestia said, stepping out of the carriage. “I must commend Ponyville’s spirit. For a casual visit, you all gave more than your all.”

“For another visit after the first, Your Highness?” Mayor Mayor stood up and beamed. “How could we not?”

A sweet laugh warmed the air. “And there will be more to come.” Celestia looked past the mayor and toward a certain lavender unicorn. Twilight noticed and breathed a wide smile, and so the princess trotted with graceful hooves. “Twilight, my prized pupil! It’s so lovely to see you again, as well as your friends.”

Twilight and Rarity quickly bowed, followed by Applejack, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash—I cucked and bent my forehooves at best before the oppressive weight of the wig shifted over my head. I lagged behind as everyone else raised their heads.

Celestia definitely noticed. She blinked, eyes shifting up and down at my get up, smile twitching and tensing as her lips warred for dominance... Then, a snicker almost broke through.

Oh no, by all means, princess: laugh. Suffer with me. 

“A-and—haha—”  Cheeks puffed, she gulped down a chuckle. “—Tutorial Blues, was it? Still in the realm of the living, I hope.”

Tempted to leave it, actually.

“Princess Celestia!”

As if Celestia’s familiarity washed away her every hesitation, Twilight flew past me and nuzzled necks with the fair princess. I stifled a hiss and looked on, nursing the fetlock Twilight pushed through.

Twilight fuzzily grinned past the white fur. “Oooh! It’s so great you’re here!”

“Oh! You miss me that much?” Like a parent tending to a child, she leaned down and nuzzled back. “Haha… I miss you too...” 

After a few tender moments, they seperated, and Celestia gazed around, from the frivolous ribbonwork to the colorful banners and flowers at every turn. “I am touched that you all have prepared this wonderful feast.” She stared at the pastries on the tables before her. Cake. So much of it. For a split second, her eyes sparkled...before instantly dying. “But I am afraid this visit will have to be taken another time.”

“H-huh?”

A pin dropped, and Ponyville fell deathly silent. Stifled in the background, some frustrated guy in the crowd shouted, “Oh, you’ve gotta be kiddin—!” before being brutally silenced with a pan. Celestia made no reaction.

“But…” Twilight’s ears flattened. “Why?”

“An emergency has come up from Fillydelphia,” Celestia continued. “An...infestation.”

“I-infestation?” Twilight stuttered.

“Yes. Apparently, a swarm of some truly bothersome creatures invaded the poor town.” She smiled sadly at her. “I am so sorry for putting you all through so much trouble, but this issue takes precedence. If Ponyville wasn’t so close, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“I… I understand…” However, there was no hiding Twilight’s disappointment in her voice. Applejack comforted her, tenderly patting her foreleg.

Celestia hummed before turning. “And Mr. Blue? I believe this belongs to you.” Her horn lit up and, from the carriage, a white parcel floated in golden light. She whisked her horn and the parcel landed on my waiting hooves. She leaned down, whispering loud enough for only the Mane 6 to hear, “I read your letters, and an investigation regarding the attempted pony napping is underway.”

“...huh?” Listening in beside us, Twilight gawked. “W-wha…?” She looked at Rarity and Applejack, who could only shrug with a grimace. They too were lost. Meanwhile, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash shared a look.

Celestia didn’t seem to notice. Then, she smirked. “Although...you might want to work on your hoof writing.”

“...Yes.” I nodded dumbly, and the wig flopped to the ground. My eye twitched. “I will.”

“I’m glad I could assist. Now then…” Celestia stood bright and tall, full of life compared to the currently dead-inside denizens of Ponyville. “Twilight, how about I personally hear your latest friendship report before I go?”





After sticking around to enjoy the last taste of summer, everyone headed home, albeit with disgruntled feeling. Some...frazzier than others.

“Still freaking out in her room?” I asked.

“Yep.” With the latest issue of Power Ponies in his claws, Spike said this as he shuffled comfortably on his stool and flipped a page. “Should’ve said something sooner.”

I mercilessly jerked my teeth, tearing off the thin layer of the small parcel. I spat the paper from my lips and dumped the contents onto the table where they fluttered and clinked—paper and metal. Setting the shredded box aside, I squinted. My reflection stared back. “I couldn’t find a better time. These days, she’s a nervous mess.”

Spike hummed. “Believe me, I know. The things Twilight comes up with… Give her an answer, and she’ll bite back with even more questions. She’s alway the type to stay in the know...Y’know?”

I understood completely.

Spike’s eyes ran along his comic.  “Remember: You still owe me. Sending letters to the princess is a permission-only thing, and sneaking in letters risks my neck—especially when you didn’t let me see what you wrote.”

“Then I’ll make sure you write it next time,” I grumbled. “I took the blame for all that anyways, so what are you worried about?”

“I appreciate it, but it’s still a matter of principle!”

“Yeah, yeah…” And with that, I unfurled the package’s letter:


Dear Tutorial Blues of Ponyville,

Regarding the terms and conditions of your recompense, we accept.

Some of our esteemed Pilgrims have committed a serious offense by attempted ponynapping and forcing upon their ideals due to your markless status. Despite this, you offered us forgiveness and understanding. We greatly appreciate this kindness. Again, you have our sincerest apologies.

We are all for one, unified to the common good, a community of harmony. Their abhorrent actions opposes our message and shall not be ignored, of that we assure you. 

First, upon locating and arresting the rogue Pilgrims, we will allow you to decide any punishment you see fit within ethical means. We will stay in contact in case we require any more from you. The Church and the Guard will investigate this matter in the meantime.

Secondly and lastly, I accept your request for an audience. As asked by your own convenience, the hearing shall occur on the day of the Grand Galloping Gala.

The invitation is enclosed in the package. It will serve as proof of our authority as well as our protection. In addition, it will prove your commitment to our arrangement as long as it is still within your possession by the time of the meeting. I look forward to it.

You did the right thing, contacting us. I shall be waiting.

In Harmony’s Blessing, 

Kismat Piety,
Priest of the Church of Harmony


After reading the letter, I set it aside next to a silver medallion atop an ebony bible bearing the same the emblem of a tree and sun, each glowing under winter light.

They already did things under Celestia’s nose. They’ll do it again, even at the risk of royal retribution… How single-minded. So, since they’re dead set on taking me to Canterlot, I gave them exactly what they wanted: A visit to their homebase. With their target being delivered to their front door in due time, they don’t have to abduct me at all.

Heh… Honestly. What the hell am I doing?

I’ve invested a lot into this decision, ‘Kismat.’ Don’t disappoint me.

I gazed out the window and watched the snowflakes drift from the sky, soon joined by countless others like vanilla sprinkles along the icing. So softly they fell, I lost myself into the serenity, wondering about the lazy and peaceful winter days to come. Between now and Winter Wrap Up, it just might get bori—

Thwap!

I jerked with a start. There, sprawled flat against the window, was a bird.

“Uh…” The glass squeaked as the bird slid down, my eyes following lethargically. “What the hell?”

“Huh?” Spike looked over his comic book. “What was that?”

“Hold up. Got a tweet…” Unlocking the latch, I opened up the window and cold air flowed in. The bird was cartoonishly crooked at first, but after a few pops and flaps, it stood back to its feet, right as rain. “I thought you birds are smart enough to tell what a window is,” I muttered. The bird chirped indignantly. “Right, right... Sorry.” I blinked. The bird… It was strikingly familiar. “Wait. Aren’t you…?”

It was the same robin that Fluttershy chased during “Look Before You Sleep”—at least this world’s version. Shouldn’t he be hibernating at this time?

I pensively watched as he urgently fluttered, chirped and pecked northward. He wanted me to follow.

“...Spike, hold the fort.”





My legs ached as the frosty air carrying the sweat off my brows, but even if I wanted to stop, the robin won’t.

Finally, in the distance, Fluttershy’s Cottage peeked into view and I slowed to a dull trot. I saw the robin fly into an open window. But by the time I arrived at the door, my heart throbbed in its ribcage, pumping anxiety across my nerves, and when I reached to knock, my hoof was visibly quivering. I exhaled with shaky, wispy breaths.

Suddenly, the door opened on its own. I looked down, and a familiar white bunny glared back.

“Angel? Where...where’s Fluttershy?”

Angel sharply placed a finger to his lips, commanding silence, and waved me inside. I obliged, closing the door respectfully behind. Wide open space greeted me. Light seeped through the windows and into the cozy abode, the woodwork reminiscent of naturalistic beauty—a homely design for animals of all kinds.

Angel rapidly thumped his leg for my attention and cocked his ears onward. As I followed, I could hear the fluffy thuds of his hopping even past my clopping hooves. It then hit me like a wall: the silence. No music. No ambiance. Without a certain mare, the room felt cold and sterile; wintry.

On a bird stand in a corner, the robin preened himself, yet his eyes watched. He wasn’t alone. Perched on many bird houses, avians of numerous kinds and hues stared down like gargoyles. Mr. Ferret looked up from a book, intelligence glinting in his eyes. A legion of mice skittered out of a hole carved in the wall and stood at attention, gazes tracking my every step. At the head, a mouse adorned with a paper crown nodded solemnly, as if seeing me off to war.

It felt like no cottage. It felt like a judgement hall. And for some reason, they saw me fit to pass.

Angel and I went up a staircase and approached a closed door. I recognized it instantly: Fluttershy’s room. And beyond it...there were voices, muffled by the walls.

“...getting worse, doc! Can’t you help her?”

“W-what can I do?! I’m a therapist, not a medical physician!”

“What the hay is the difference!?”

“Difference?! One gives P.E., and the other treats angsty teens!”

“Hey.” A different, deeper voice. “Can’t we just get medicine from town?”

“And get caught?! Are you out of your pony mind?! They have wanted posters out there!”

“But they’re in crayon—”

“Crayon is the enemy! They know our colors! Now stop stuffing your face and help us!”

...No fucking way.

Angel held a paw up in a ‘one moment’ and squirmed into a nearby mousehole. I waited, silently standing on the stairway with only the hysterical voices to occupy my time. Then, there was a light thump, hushing the voices.

“O-oh! Little bunny!” said a surprised voice. “What are you doin—h-hey, don’t—!”

The lock unlatched, and I took that as my cue to creak open the door. What I saw confirmed my suspicions..

Standing by a bedside, Sound Therapy froze, paler than her own coat.

Next to her, Gem Contrail stared with shrinking pupils, wings limp from shock. “Ooooh shoot…”

“Hmmm?” Ears flickered, and Thrush turned around from a jar. A cookie fell out of his mouth.

All around the room, empty bowls of soup and bottles of medicine laid haphazardly around the floor and the bed. Herbs scattered among them, likely for natural remedies.

And there, in the bed where the three stood beside, Fluttershy peeked out of the covers. Below the ice bag, the towel, where there should be a healthy yellow, a feverous red spread under an unkempt mess of a pink mane. Her sickly, ragged breaths were faint, but it sliced the silence in slow, harsh beats. It stung to even hear, let alone see.

The trio dripped in sweat as I stared at the horrendous state of the Element of Kindness.

“U-umm…” Sound Therapy smiled stiffly, hooves shuffling. “T-this isn’t what it looks like?”

My eye twitched. “You mean Fluttershy didn’t shelter hapless vagabonds out of misplaced kindness, running herself ill?”

The doctor blinked twice. “O-oh…um,” she laughed nervously. “Yes! It’s, uh, exactly what it looks like.” Her smile went taut. “Pleasedon’treportus.”

A cough, a beat, and coughing twice—Fluttershy shuddered under the blankets as her voice wheezed and broke the stalemate. The Pilgrims gasped and immediately scrambled to her bedside, trading fearful looks.

“Oh, nonono!” Gem Contrail stammered. “Uh, t-things will be okay, rain angel! We’ll get you some water and you’ll feel better!” He glared to the side. “Thrush, get her some water!”

“Wha? I thought it is your turn!”

“Don’t argue with me, dude!”

“Gah!” Dr. Sound threw her hooves up in frustration.“I’m surrounded by idiots!”

Feeling ignored, I looked down. Angel scowled back, arms crossed, and jerked his head toward the ponies. The message was clear: “Fix this.”

I sighed.

Kek damn it all.