Forgiving Yourself
"What?!" Twilight Sparkle said in surprise at her student's question. The day after their session of 'chillaxing' at Rainbow Dash's, Starlight Glimmer had made an odd request.
"Do you think you can do it?" Starlight Glimmer asked, her eyes darting about nervously. She hated having to ask for help on anything, but magic-related problems in particular. What she wanted done she simply could not do herself, though.
"Hmmm," Twilight considered, pacing around the library, "I DID learn most of the details while undoing the effects on our friends, but I might need a few pointers." She stopped pacing and stared directly at Starlight. Starlight now had at least her eyes under control and returned her gaze steadily. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Twilight asked.
Starlight nodded. She had thought this over. "I'm sure." She lowered her eyes and started fidgeting with her hooves again. "I know they forgave me and everything, but... the more I think about it, the more I think I did something really terrible to our friends." Starlight looked up again. "Taking away cutie marks against their will was bad enough, but this time I actually took their wills! They were little more than puppets while under that spell."
"All the more reason not to subject yourself to that," Twilight replied. She occupied herself with pulling the books she remembered Starlight had mentioned using. Twilight's library was so well-organized, this took only a glance.
"Well... I'm not good at figuring out what other ponies think or feel..." Starlight said, prevaricating a bit but showing less emotions now as she got into the logic of her proposal, "So I think the best way to relate in this case is to experience it myself." She looked at Twilight pointedly. Twilight had by this point gathered the books in front of her. Starlight kicked in a little magic and arranged the books in the proper order. "Fiducial Compellis, Cogeria, and a little Persuaderi," Starlight reminded Twilight.
"Are you sure?" Twilight asked again. Twilight already knew how to reverse the spell, so the risk of permanent harm was low, but this still rubbed her the wrong way. Still, she mused to herself, it WAS a sort of friendship lesson, if a bit of an extreme one.
"Yes," Starlight said with a nod, "And just to be sure there are no hard feelings, make sure all five of them get a chance to tell me to do something, alright?" Starlight had thought it over thoroughly, and that seemed the best way to make them even.
"Alright," Twilight said, still skeptical, "Maybe I can figure out how to avoid the headaches when I lift it this time. Ready?" Starlight nodded. Twilight took several steps back, to open up enough distance, and readied the spell. "Eyes open," Twilight said as she formed a ball of magic energy, "Here goes." Twilight shut her eyes tight and turned away as she flung the ball towards Starlight.
"Hey Twilight," Spike said, walking into the room right at that moment. This would seem unlikely, but the Narrative Murphy's Law states that anything interesting or funny that can go wrong, will. Twilight instinctively turned towards the voice addressing her, then silently thought "Oats!" as she hastily shut her eyes again. Thankfully, the spell had already run its course. Less thankfully, now there were two creatures staring blankly ahead.
"Hayfeathers," Twilight said, waving her hoof in front of Spike's eyes. She sighed. "Here goes nothing."
Twilight closed her eyes and opened them again with a glow. In her best Royal Canterlot Voice she said "HEAR ME AND OBEY!", then in her normal voice, "Please." It did not feel right to her to give any sort of command like that, even if it was one she had been asked to give. She recognized the almost paradoxical juxtapose as soon as she thought it.
"Yes Twilight Sparkle," both Starlight and Spike intoned in unison. Twilight paced around and thought about this.
"Well, now I have to fix Spike first. Starlight, you go find one of our friends and let them know what's going on," she said.
"As you wish, Twilight Sparkle," Starlight said in that creepy monotone. That really freaked Twilight out. Twilight then remembered what Starlight said had happened the last time and quickly added, "By that I mean find Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, or Fluttershy and tell them that you asked me to cast this spell on your so you could know what it was like. Also, tell them that they should give you orders. And you obey those orders." She thought that covered all the bases.
"Whatever you say Twilight Sparkle," Starlight said. She left towards the castle foyer. Twilight hoped that went well. She knew her friends would not abuse Starlight's trust, whether Twilight was there or not, but she did worry about an order being taken too literally and causing trouble.
"Alright Spike... Act like you would if you weren't under a spell," Twilight said. She had only thought of this after she had removed the spell on her friends.
"Sure Twilight," Spike said in a more normal voice, "What's up?" His eyes, however, still looked wrong.
"Ok... now stop," Twilight said.
"As you say, Twilight," Spike said in an unsettling not-quite-monotone. Twilight sighed. It had been worth a shot. Her horn glowed then Spike glowed as she began probing the magic matrix on Spike, as she had done with her friends a few days earlier.
Had Starlight been herself, so to speak, she would have gone to Carousel Boutique first. Of all five of the ponies she was trying to find, Rarity was the most likely to be in a fixed place for most of the day. As it was, she went towards the first place that met her line of sight as she emerged from the castle, which was Sugarcube Corner.
As Starlight walked along the street, a few ponies tried to greet her.
"Hey Starlight, how are you?" said one pink mare with a flower in her hair. The flower matched three on her cutie mark. Starlight made no response and kept on walking. "Well!" the mare said.
One of the two other mares with flower cutie marks with her, this one white-fured and red-maned with a rose cutie mark, put a hoof on her shoulder. "Oh, you know how she is," she said, "Probably thinking about some big magic problem." The other two mares nodded in agreement.
At Sugarcube Corner, Starlight walked in and right up to the desk without a word.
"Oh, hello Starlight," Mrs. Cake said, "Here to see Pinkie Pie?"
"Yes," Starlight said, "I am looking for Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, or Fluttershy."
"Oh...kay," Mrs. Cake said, put off by both the odd choice of words and the strange way they were said. "Pinkie Pie!" she called to the back, "Starlight Glimmer is here to see you!"
"Hey!" Pinkie Pie said a moment later, "What's up?"
"Whatever you want to be up, Pinkie Pie," Starlight said, "I am to tell you..."
"Something's odd about you," Pinkie Pie said, pacing around Starlight, "Did you do something different with your mane?"
"No, Pinkie Pie," Starlight said, "Twilight Sparkle ordered me to tell you..."
"New hat?"
"No, Pinkie Pie. I am not wearing a hat," Starlight said.
"...Did you dye your fur?"
"No, Pinkie Pie. Twilight..."
Pinkie Pie's next interruption was said at a rush in one breath. "Felt guilty about wasting cakes and robbing us of our free will so you had Twilight cast the same spell on you so you could see what it was like and the rest of us could order you around to make us even?" she said.
"That is correct, Pinkie Pie," Starlight Glimmer said.
In the meantime, Mr. Cake had come downstairs. "The twins are finally asleep," he said to Mrs. Cake. "What's going on here?"
"Honestly, I have no idea," Mrs. Cake said, "It sounds like Pinkie and her friends have some new problem to solve."
"Alright then," Pinkie Pie said with a grin, "Let's make more cakes to make up for the ones that were ruined! Oh, wait, we already did that. Hmm..." Pinkie Pie pondered. "Well, I gueeess we should find the others so you don't have to stay this way for as long."
"Whatever you say, Pinkie Pie," Starlight said, naturally still in the not-quite monotone.
Some time later, on a road outside of town, the six of them were gathered together.
"Oooh, now act like a chicken!" Rainbow Dash said. Starlight obediently walked on her hind legs, with her forelegs as "wings" and make clucking noises.
"Ahahaha! Now act like a dog!" Rainbow Dash said. Starlight went back to all fours and crouched down, then started barking.
"Woof! Woof woof!"
"Bwahahaha! Now... now act like... uhhh," Rainbow Dash started to say between laughs, but she had run out of ideas.
"Ooh, how about a timberwolf?" Pinkie Pie suggested.
Starlight growled and lunged at Applejack.
"What in tarnation?" Applejack said as Starlight knocked her to the ground. Applejack held Starlight off while Starlight tried to bit her throat.
"No! Bad Starlight! Don't attack Applejack!" Fluttershy said, giving Starlight the stern look usually reserved for unruly critters. Starlight wimpered and backed off, crouching back in a submissive position.
"Hahahaha!" Rainbow Dash rolled on her back laughing. She was in mid-air and thus not actually rolling on anything, but the motion was there.
"Very funny," Applejack said. She sighed. "Alright, Starlight, go back to how you were," she said. Starlight immediately returned to the too-stiff posture she had been in before Rainbow Dash started having her fun.
"So Starlight really wanted this?" Applejack asked Pinkie Pie.
"Yes," said Starlight.
"I must say, that voice gives me the creeps," Rarity said, flipping her mane as was her habit.
"How 'bout we each have her help us with one thing?" Applejack suggested, "That oughta satisfy her, and it shouldn't take too long."
"Eh, I've had my fun," Rainbow Dash said. Her hooves were behind her head as her wings flapped to keep her hovering in the air. "...After one more. Now act like Gummy."
Starlight crouched down, pursed her lips as best she could, and opened her eyes as wide as they would go.
"Hahaha! That's Gummy alright!" Pinkie Pie said, clutching her belly from laughing. Rainbow Dash laughed as well.
"Alright, alright, enough of that," Applejack said, "Back to normal, Starlight." Starlight resumed her blank-eyes, stiff stance. "Well, that takes care of Rainbow Dash..."
"I could use a model for my new designs," Rarity said, "And one that will stay still is always helpful."
"Some of the animals that are afraid of ponies might benefit from one who won't do anything to scare them," Fluttershy said quietly.
"I gueeess she could help me with my Tin Pony act," Pinkie Pie said, "I always have trouble staying still for that! It would be great to see a good example!"
"And I s'pose I could find something for her to do around the farm," Applejack said, lifting her hat and scratching her head. "So.. what order do we want to do this?"
"I don't mind going last," Fluttershy said quietly.
"Rarity should probably go before me. Silver paint is hard to wash off," Pinkie Pie said.
"Oh, actually, I don't know how the animals feel about silver," Fluttershy said.
"It's settled then, Pinkie Pie goes last, and I shall go first," Rarity said.
"I reckon I don't mind havin' mah turn after Fluttershy," Applejack said.
"Yeah yeah... I'll be chilling by the pond if anyone needs me," Rainbow Dash said before flying away.
"Come along then, Starlight," Rarity said, gesturing at the pony in question.
"Of course Rarity," Starlight said. Applejack shivered.
A bit later, at the Carousel Boutique, Rarity was making adjustments to a dress Starlight was wearing. Starlight stood on a little pedestal to let Rarity get the appropriate angle.
"I must say, this is very convenient," Rarity said, "Please lift your front forleg for just a moment, dear."
"Of course Rarity," Starlight said in a drone. Rarity made a few stitches and then stepped back, apparently satisfied.
"That's enough, darling," Rarity said.
"Yes, Rarity," Starlight said, lowering her foreleg.
"Now, take a look, let me know what you think," Rarity said, gently nudging Starlight to face the mirror.
"Whatever you think, Rarity," Starlight said.
"Hmmm," Rarity considered, "Perhaps not so ideal. I suppose I'll have to ask you again once this is over. Let's get that off so you can head over to Fluttershy's."
A little later still, Starlight was outside Fluttershy's cottage facing a group of assorted small animals. There was a squirrel, a rabbit (not Angel Bunny, her personal pet, who was watching the other rabbit while tapping his foot impatiently), and three chipmunks.
"Alright, friends, this is Starlight. She won't do anything to hurt you, so please try to get along," Fluttershy said gently. The animals in question cautiously began to approach Starlight, who stood there stock-still. They got a few inches away and began sniffing the air. Then, they recoiled away.
"Oh my," Fluttershy said, "I wonder what's wrong?" Angel Bunny tapped his foot impatiently.
"What is it, Angel?" Fluttershy asked. Angel hopped onto Starlight's back, then her head. She did not react. angel waved a paw in front of Starlight's eyes. She did not respond.
"Oh my," Fluttershy said, "I suppose that is a bit off-putting... Maybe I should send her along to Applejack?" Angel nodded emphatically.
Even later, Starlight was on the Apple Family Farm in front of a pile of lumber and other assorted supplies.
"Alright, so the fences need repairin'," Applejack said, "Since you're good with all that magic stuff, I figured this'd be right up your alley. Just use all this and make sure the fences are in good shape all around the farm."
"Whatever you say, Applejack," Starlight said monotonously. Her horn glowed and the lumber glowed and levitated in response.
"Uhh... alright, then. I'll be doin' my other chores if you need me," Applejack said, trotting away.
After a little while, Applejack returned to see how Starlight was doing. Her jaw dropped as she saw what Starlight had done.
"What in tarnation!?" Applejack exclaimed. Starlight had built a fence extending all the way to the horizon!
"You said to use all the material to make sure fences were in good shape all around the farm," Starlight said in a droning voice.
"Ah didn't mean..." Applejack started. Then she lowered her face, pulled her hat over it, and sighed. "Ah suppose it don't do no harm, but the regular fences still need fixin' and you didn't build a gate! Just... go find Pinkie Pie. I'll get this sorted out somehow."
"Whatever you say, Applejack," Starlight said. Applejack just sighed and started looking for her hammer.
The sun was beginning to set as Pinkie Pie and Starlight Glimmer stood side-by-side on a street in ponyville. They were painted head-to-tail in silver, and were wearing silver bowler hats to boot.
"Ok, so the idea is to stay as still and quiet as a statue, then when someone approaches to see if you really are one, you move all stiff-like so it's like you're a robot," Pinkie said, doing pretty much the opposite of what she was saying, making vague gestures as she explained.
"Yes Pinkie Pie," Starlight said, acting very robot-like already.
"Great!" Pinkie Pie said with a grin, "Oooh, here come some ponies." Pinkie then said in an exaggerated whisper, "Remember, still and qui-et!"
Starlight did exactly as told, but as the colt and his mother approached, Pinkie burst out laughing as soon as the colt caught sight of her.
"Look at us!" Pinkie said excitedly, "We're robots!" The colt stomped the ground delightedly and ran up to her, while the mother smiled.
"Oooh, and check out Starlight!" Pinkie said, "She's really good at it!"
The colt looks over at Starlight with a smile. She showed no reaction. The colt look puzzled and approached her. Starlight then moved stiffly, rearing up to her hind legs and doing a little dance of the sort that Pinkie Pie sometimes did, dropping her front legs and leaning over in a stiff motion. The colt squealed and stomped. Starlight returned to her starting position. Her expression never changed. The colt looked a bit puzzled, but he smiled and waved before he and his mother walked off.
"That was great!" Pinkie Pie said to Starlight. Then her cheerful face turned suspicious. "Maybe a little too great..."
Just after sunset, the group of friends gathered in Twilight's castle.
"There you are," Twilight said as Pinkie Pie entered the map room with Starlight. "How did it go."
"Terrible!" Pinkie Pie said with a scowl, "She was the greatest tin pony ever!"
"Uhhh, sugarcube?" Applejack asked, "Why is that bad?"
"Because she completely overshadowed my tin pony!" Pinkie Pie said. Her expression quickly turned cheerful again. "But I guess I should be happy for her!"
"That good, I suppose," Twilight said, "The others were just telling me how things didn't quite work out for them either."
"Yes, I mean, she did do as she was told," Rarity said, "But it just wasn't her, you know?"
"I thought maybe that was the point?" Fluttershy said.
"Ugggh, could you keep it down?" Spike said, walking into the room, "Some of us are trying to get to sleep with a headache."
"Isn't your room down the hall?" Applejack asked.
"Yeah... Owww," Spike said, clutching at his head.
"I... still haven't quite worked the kinks out of the spell removal," Twilight said, "And I hope I don't have to do it again after today."
"Me neither!" Pinkie Pie said, "Whether it's making me ruin cakes, or a zombie-like pony upstaging me, this spell is nothing but trouble!"
"Right, here goes then," Twilight said. She scrunched up her eyes and her horn lit up. Starlight glowed brightly enough that the others had to close their eyes. When it faded, Starlight blinked in confusion.
"Hey, did it... Owww!" Starlight put her hoof to her head, "I guess that answers that question."
"Starlight, darling," Rarity said, "Do us a favor and don't do that again."
"Yeah, it just ain't the same if it's not really you," Applejack said.
"Which I could have told you," Twilight said in a know-it-all tone. Spike rolled his eyes.
"That wasn't really the point," Starlight said, "I felt like I had to know how I made them feel. And it wasn't very good..."
"It's not that we don't appreciate the effort," Rarity said, "We just don't think it was necessary. We had already forgiven you, after all."
Starlight poked at the ground. "But I hadn't forgiven myself," she said quietly.
"If it made you feel better, I reckon it wasn't too much trouble," Applejack said.
"Alright girls," Twilight said, "It's been an interesting day, but I think Starlight and Spike probably want to sleep it off."
"Tell me about it," Spike grumbled.
"Uggh... ," Starlight put her hoof to her head again. "And now that I know how it feels, I think I know what I did wrong," she said, "If I just lower the power and tweak the spell balance, I bet I could..." She looked around at her friend. "Errr, but maybe I'll leave that for tomorrow."
"Starli-ght," everyone else said in unison. Then they started laughing.