I mean, I could ask Twilight out. I know she would say yes, and we would both be oh so happy, but...it's scary. I think we're in a good place right now, right? We both know our feelings and there isn't a reason to rush on them. Right? Oh, Fluttershy,
I mean, I could ask Twilight out. I know she would say yes, and we would both be oh so happy, but...it's scary. I think we're in a good place right now, right? We both know our feelings and there isn't a reason to rush on them. Right? Oh, Fluttershy, get it together. It can't be that hard.
We stopped in front of another home and began singing. A cute little colt opened the door, a huge grin on his face, and his mother appeared just a few second later. His eyes sparkled as he watched our group sing, and I couldn’t help but smile. Normally, I wouldn’t want to go out into public and sing, but all of my friends were going to be there, singing with me, and they really wanted me to join them. Really, it was Twilight, of all ponies, who convinced me to come. She knew I was afraid to sing in front of people, especially after that dreadful event with the Ponytones, and so had walked the quiet path to my cottage by herself. She hadn’t even brought Spike with her.
We sat on my couch as she explained that Applejack wanted to have all the girls and their families sing Hearth’s Warming carols to everyone in Ponyville. She looked at me, her sparkling eyes full of hope, and her charming smile faltered. “I understand if you don’t want to, and so will the girls,” she said. “But if it helps, you can stay by my side, all night, and pretend to sing. You can still be there and have the wonderful memories, but you won’t be afraid. Or you’ll be less, maybe. I’m not sure.” She furrowed her eyebrows, her face taking on the intense look of concentration it does when she is trying to figure something out. “I thought it would be nice.”
“That does sound nice, Twilight.” I smiled as she looked up at me and grinned.
So I found myself here, a scarf wrapped tightly around my neck and a hat pulled over my head, my hooves tapping to the tune of the song while we sang to the last house on the list. As the last note came to an end, and the colt and his mother stomped their feat in applause, I felt myself relax. The colt ran out, ignoring his mother’s calls for snow boots, and began talking to the fillies and Spike.
Finally, the colts mother called him back and made him dress before running out and joining the snowball fight the others had started. Twilight sighed and smiled, watching them play. I reached up and tapped her shoulder. She turned and looked at me, that contented smile still on her face. I took a breath. “This was very nice. Thank you for convincing me to come.”
She nodded, her contented smile shifting into something warmer. “Of course, Fluttershy. I wouldn’t have been the same without you there.” She licked her lips for a moment before shaking her head and looking back over at the playing foals. “I’m really glad you came.”
We sat there in silence. I liked that about Twilight. I could just be silent around her. It wasn’t like with some of the other girls. Pinkie always wanted to talk about something, and while Rarity didn’t expect me to speak much, she did always fill the silence with words. Twilight was different. The sun made its progress from just starting to set to barely peaking over the horizon before the snowball fight ended.
Rarity was pulling Sweetie Belle’s hat back over her ears as the two readied to go home. Dash had Scootaloo on her back as they waved goodbye, and Applebloom had ended up with Applejacks hat on her head. Everyone looked over at Twilight and me, and I waved.
Twilight stood. “If you all would like, we could go back to the castle for hot chocolate.”
The fillies and Spike all perked up at the mention of hot chocolate, but everyone else shook their heads, all saying something about being tired, or cold, or the lateness of the hour. With that, we all started our treks home. The Apples walked toward the road that led to their farm, the four of them still laughing as they walked. Rainbow took to the sky with Scootaloo, heading toward the fillies home. Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and Pinkie took the path that would lead to the main street of Ponyville.
That left Twilight, Spike, and myself. I sighed as I stood. “I could use some hot chocolate.” Twilight smiled, and I felt a small warmth through my chest.
“Me too,” Spike said. Twilight giggled, capturing him in her magical aura and placing him on her back.
“I’m sure you could, Spike.” She started on the path toward the castle. Again, she did not try to make small talk, which was a mercy on my nerves. By the time we arrived, my hooves felt like solid blocks of ice. She led us to a sitting room, where a fire was already roaring, and levitated some blankets onto the plush rug. “Warm up, I’ll go get the drinks.”
She left the room, leaving only me and Spike. He picked up a blanket and wrapped it around me, smiling. “Today sure was fun, wasn’t it?”
I nodded. Spike liked to talk to me. “Where was Starlight?” I asked. He paused, only half wrapped in his own blanket.
“Oh, right. She’s sick. That’s probably what’s taking Twilight so long.” He shrugged and finished cocooning himself in the blanket, sitting as close to the fire as he could without the material alighting. “It’s just a cold, but Twilight has been coddling her anyway.”
It only took a few more minutes before Twilight came back, a tray with three mugs held aloft in her magic. She sat the tray on the floor in front of the fire. “There we are. I added extra marshmallows for you, Spike.” He smiled as one of his claws came free of the cocoon and grabbed his mug. “It’s hot, be careful,” Twilight warned.
He nodded, his eyes never leaving his tray. Then he took what was definitely more than a sip. He swallowed forcefully, his eyes watering. Twilight shook her head. “I told you.” He sat the mug down and unwrapped himself. “I’m going to find some ice for my tongue. I’ll be back.”
Twilight sighed as the door shut. “He does that every time.”
I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped, and Twilight smiled. “Thank you,” I said, raising my own mug to my lips. I took a small sip. “It’s nice.”
Twilight picked her own mug up in her magic and the last blanket up in her hooves. She settled herself close enough to me to lean against my shoulder. “This is nice,” she said.
I looked over to her, meeting her eyes as she gazed back at me. The gaze didn’t last longer than a few seconds, but I felt myself blush. I looked away, back into the crackling fire. I sat my mug on the floor and looked over at Twilight, who was looking into her mug. Her blanket was draped over her head like a cape, her horn the only thing stopping it from obscuring her face.
I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. The entire evening had been nice. The caroling, the fun after, and the fire was warm enough to make my cheeks burn. With my own contented sigh to match the earlier ones Twilight had given, I laid my head on her shoulder. Her eyes never strayed from the fire, but I watched as her smile widened and she closed her eyes. A moment later, her head rested on mine.
I knocked on the door to the crystal castle. It was still very cold outside. It had started snowing last night just as I had arrived home, and the soft flakes of ice still fell, slowly drifting to the ground and sparkling in the sun. I watched on fall directly onto my nose. The door opened then, and I looked up to see Spike.
“Hey, Fluttershy.” He moved to the side so I could walk in, closing the door behind me. “Twilight is upstairs with Starlight.”
I hesitated. Starlight was probably still sick, and Twilight was trying to help her get better. I glanced up the stairs and then to the front door. “Oh, well, if she’s busy, I can come back later.” Still, I didn’t move from my spot.
Spike shook his head, already walking away. “Nah, it’s fine. She’s mostly better now, I think. Unless you want to join me in making ruby muffins?” He looked back, but I shook my head.
The crystal castle was always difficult to navigate. Twilight and Spike never seemed to have a problem finding their way around, but being in the palace in Canterlot probably helped hone their skills. Finding Starlight’s room took nearly five minutes, but the sound of giggles led the way. The door was half-open. Their conversation flowed out into the hallway.
“Yes, yes, laugh all you want Twilight Sparkle.” Starlight’s voice was raspy, but she sounded full of cheer. Or as full of cheer as Starlight could ever sound. “Perhaps a crush on Sunburst is funny now, but we’ll see what happens when you get a crush.”
There was a pause and then another giggle. “You know I already have a special somepony. No crushes here.”
More giggles escaped the room, more words flowed out, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. My heart had lodged itself in my stomach and my eyes were burning. Of course Twilight already had a special somepony. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I couldn’t turn back now. Spike would tell Twilight I had stopped by, and she would be confused as to why she hadn’t seen me. As much as I wanted to take flight, I had to stay.
It wasn’t the worse news. I took a shaky step forward, toward the door. After all, Twilight deserved to be happy, and if she had found someone to be happy with, I would be happy for her. My hoof was less shaky on the second step. Besides, I could buy ice cream on my way home. I made it the rest of the way to the door and walked in. “Hello, girls,” I said, looking between them.
Twilight’s face lit up. Her smile widened, her eyes sparkled, her entire posture shifted slightly towards me. All signs I used to believe meant she liked me. I pulled my eyes away from Twilight and looked at Starlight. The mare had definitely been under the weather. Her nose was still red, her hair was everywhere, and the wave she gave was slow. “Hey, Fluttershy. I didn’t realize you were coming by.”
“Oh yes,” I said. “I heard you were sick yesterday, and I wanted to see if you felt better.” I walked over and sat on the floor, opposite of Twilight. Now that I had pulled my eyes from her, I found I couldn’t get them to go back. Instead, I took in the room. A small bookshelf lined the far wall. A rug was in the larger area of the room, along with a couple cushions. One of Trixie’s posters hung on the wall. I brought my eyes back to Starlight. “Spike said you were feeling a little better.”
“I am,” she nodded. “Twilight was just keeping me company. I hate being stuck in bed all day.”
My eyes fell on Twilight again, and I swiftly looked away. Silence was where I felt at home, but this silence was not good. I wasn’t looking at them, but I could tell they were staring at me. Probably wishing I would go and stop making things awkward. I swallowed, resisting the urge to shake my head at myself. Of course I would come and ruin everything. They had been so happy before I showed up. I should just go.
A hoof touched my shoulder, and I jumped. I looked up, directly into the eyes of Twilight. Her eyebrows were pushed together in concern. “Fluttershy, are you okay?” Her voice laced with worry. I moved away from her hoof before nodding. She stared at me for what felt like an hour. “Are you sure?” she finally asked. “You know you can talk to me.”
I wanted to laugh out loud. Actually, no I didn’t. I just wanted to leave. “I know. I will if I need to, I promise.” I gave her a small smile, no teeth, and stood. “I just wanted to make sure Starlight was better. I really should be going now. I have to find a treat for Angel Bunny.”
“Oh,” she said. I glanced at Starlight, who was silently watching us, her eyes flicking back and forth. Twilight moved forward, coming closer to me. “You can come back later, if you’d like. We could all read stories, or listen to the radio.” Twilight’s wings were clutched tightly to her side and she was biting her lip.
“Not today. I’ll see you later, okay?” I walked around Twilight and toward the door. I stopped just before the threshold and looked back. Twilight was sitting on the floor, watching me leave. Both she and Starlight had the same shocked expression on their faces, thought Twilight’s splayed ears showed her confusion as well. “Thanks for the offer. Maybe another day.”
I walked the quiet path to my cottage alone. All the times I had thought Twilight liked me, she was most likely being a good friend. Of course she was. Look at her, today, by Starlight’s side while the mare recovered from an illness. Look at anything she had done for any of the girls. Had I really thought myself special?
Three days later, and I still hadn’t built up the courage to go and see Twilight again. I had cried when I made it home. Angel had sat by my side the entire time, stroking my fur. He was such a good bunny. I looked into my tea, searching it for answers I knew it wouldn’t provide. I sat the cup down and closed my eyes. It was nearly time to meet Rarity for our spa day. A knock on my front door pulled me from my thoughts. I looked up, eyes wide, at the door. “Fluttershy, darling, are you in there?” Just Rarity. I let my body relax and opened the door, letting her in. “Oh, thank goodness. Twilight came to me this morning. You have the poor dear worried sick.”
She didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t her fault I was me. “She is?” I asked.
“Yes, seems to think you’re avoiding her. She said she came by twice yesterday and saw you running up the stairs.” Rarity turned and faced me, looking directly in my face. “Are you avoiding her?”
Under her gaze, I could do little more than nod. Shame washed over me in waves. “I didn’t mean to at first. I panicked.”
“Well, no matter. She will be joining us at the spa.” Rarity turned toward the door, and I gaped after her.
She turned back once she realized I wasn’t following. I shook my head. “I can’t,” I said. Knowing she would be there had me frozen in place.
Rarity walked back to me, placing a hoof on my shoulder. “You at least owe her an explanation, Fluttershy. As I said, the poor thing is worried sick wondering what she did wrong.”
With a deep breath, I nodded. “Okay.” I could do this. It wasn’t that hard. Just go and talk to Twilight. I had talked to her nearly every day for the last two months. I could do this.
I couldn’t do this. Twilight sat alone in the waiting area of the spa. Her head jerked up as we entered, and her eyes met mine. Her expression was guarded, more guarded than I had ever seen, but her eyes also showed her hurt. Rarity walked to the counter and talked to Lotus, asking for the full package for the three of us. The silence between the three of us roared as we picked up our towels and made it to the steam room.
Rarity seemed determined to stay quiet. I expected Twilight to say something, but all she would do was look at me, wince, and look away. It landed on my shoulders to break the silence. The room was so full of steam that I could barely make out Twilight’s form when I gathered my courage.
“Twilight,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes?” Her voice was even, as if she were taking great care to control how it sounded.
What was I supposed to say? I’m sorry that I freaked out because you have a special somepony. She didn’t know I knew, that was information she hadn’t shared with me yet. I spent so long trying to make myself talk, I hadn’t thought of what I should say. I gathered a breath and sighed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or make you concerned.”
I heard her shuffling, her wings sending large spirals through the heavy steam. “Then talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. I can’t fix something if I don’t know the problem. If it’s something I did, let me know. I miss you.”
My heart pounded. “There isn’t a problem,” I said. “It’s all just me. I need to work through some feelings I’ve been having.”
She scooted closer to me, and now I could see her expression. Her eyes were red from holding back tears. “If you need help, I’m here.” She reached out, slowly, and grabbed my hoof. “You’re too important for me to lose because I didn’t try.”
I sat there for a moment, just staring at her. The steam was lessening now, since no one was applying water. “I was jealous. I am jealous,” I said, pulling my hoof back and looking away.
“Of who?” came her reply.
I continued staring at the heated rocks. “The last time I visited you. Do you remember telling Starlight you had a special somepony? I’m jealous of them. I want to be your special somepony.” I dared a look at her face.
Her mouth hung open and her snout was wrinkled, her brow furrowed in confusion. “What?”
My cheeks reddened. “It’ll be fine,” I said. “I’m glad you found somepony.”
Twilight shook her head. “Fluttershy. No. No, that’s…it was just a formality, I didn’t think…” She locked her gaze back onto me. “Fluttershy,” she said, scooting even closer to me. “Do you remember that talk we had, nearly a year ago, about your anxiety.” I nodded. “Titles put pressure on you.” I nodded again. “And maybe the same can be said of labels?” She put her hoof on my cheek. “You are my special somepony. I was afraid of the formality putting undue stress on you.”
My heart sped up as I realized what she was saying. I looked at her, my heart finding its way back to its proper place from the pit of my stomach. All the things we had done together, all the glances she had given me. Every brush and smile and cuddle.
“I adore you. All the time we’ve spent together, going on nature hikes or reading in my library. I…” she giggled. “Fluttershy, I love you. Will you be my special somepony?”
I grinned. “Of course I will.” She opened her arms and I leaned forward into the hug, holding her close to me. A suspicious lack of awws caught my attention, and I pulled away. “Where’s Rarity?”
Twilight smiled. “She slipped out near the beginning. I asked her to skip this part.” Her hoof rested on my cheek again. I watched as her eyes left mine and traveled down, landing on my upturned lips. She met my eyes again, barely raising her eyebrows, before leaning in. I met her halfway, our lips pressing together for the first time.
I pulled away. “I love you too, Twilight.”
She giggled and stood. “We should probably get out of here. I think Rarity will be okay with us skipping out on the rest of the spa day, don’t you? So we can, um, talk more.”
We decided to stop at a little grove on the way to my cottage to talk.
